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#idk you guys i had a lot of feelings and this is what happened
cringefailkralie · 2 days
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ridiculously long list of things i’ve noticed about thomas grant and adam wadsworth’s portrayals of albus and scorpius
sorry in advance if this is messy, i wrote this at like 4am
albus flinches away when james steps too close to him!!!
when scorpius asks albus whether he prefers albus or al, he doesn’t have to think about his answer. instead he just looks shocked that someone was actually asking that, like nobody’s ever considered his feelings before. makes me feel like he’d been waiting his entire life for someone to actually ask him that.
tom’s albus doesn’t cry during the fight with harry like i’ve seen a lot of the other actors do. he just stares blankly ahead of him and completely shuts down. i’m head over heels in love with this choice because it really hammers home how hard it is for albus to express his feelings or communicate with anyone.
albus’s reaction to the love potion really really makes me believe that ron intended it to be a mean gay joke. even if ron didn’t intend for it to come across that way, that’s definitely what albus takes it as.
scorpius is just staring vacantly at a wall before he spots albus on the train in their 4th year. not sure if this is a specific acting choice or if i’m just reading into it too much?
they hold hands for a second and stand with their faces an inch away from each other as soon as they duck into their train compartment. their body language in private is so different from their body language in public.
albus squeezes his eyes closed when they hug. he really needed that physical affection but he hates anyone but scorpius being near him.
scorpius puts his hand on albus’s chest when the train starts moving. nothing to say about that its just really gay.
my favorite delivery of “oooo a quiz… WIZZO!!!” i fucking love how he does jazz hands when he says it, especially because it’s the second time he does jazz hands in that scene. he’s so me.
albus does so many little hand gestures in this scene, he’s way more comfortable being expressive around scorpius. he almost mirrors scorpius’s stupid little mannerisms.
bonus- not scorbus related but craig is first seen wearing his beanie on the train during the this sequence (where albus and scorpius decide to run away)!! idk if they don’t do this in other productions or if i just hadn’t ever picked up on it before, but it’s a really cute detail. does anyone know if he canonically got it when he became head boy?
when amos first tells them to leave, scorpius grabs onto albus’s sleeve
not even technically them but the ron and harry actors grab onto each other sooooo much (as albus and scorpius)
in love with how long scorpius hold out his “WIIIIIIIZZZOOOO” and how albus tries to match his energy with the “DOUBLE WIZZO”
delphi steals scorp’s little phrases and his awkward way of speaking and his mannerisms to try and appeal to albus because she knows that he reeeeally likes him- and i hate hate HATEEEE how she makes him feel like a freak for being himself when all the while she’s stealing his personality. scorpius plays with the fabric of his sweater and then fidgets with his hands after she tries to make him feel left out in the forbidden forest and i can FEEL what he’s feeling through the screen.
scorpius is JEALOUS jealous of delphi and when he talks to her his voice is quiet and monotone, which is the most un-scorpius thing ever. i love it. you can feel how much he hates her. i hate her too, this delphi is despicable. (very talented actress!!)
when scorpius tears his eyes away from the beautiful sight in front of them to look at albus and say “you’re my best friend” (which is crazy enough on its own) he talks in a really sweet, low voice before returning really quickly to his normal scorp-voice, as if he was afraid to let albus think about what had just happened
albus jumps up and down with excitement when they announce the triwizard tournament. he starts and then has to stop himself from cheering for hogwarts. funny that a guy who was just saying how much he hates hogwarts would do a thing like that.
everyone around scorpius gets startled when he starts cheering for krum because his screaming is so weird lmao
at the end of the scene where albus tells scorpius they’ll be better off without each other, scorpius just slumps over on the steps and stays there for the ENTIRETY of the next scene until he eventually gets wheeled off with the stairs. it looks like he’s fiddling with something? maybe his wand? maybe just his hands?
obviously the staircase ballet is the staircase ballet, but the way they look at each other is just AAAAUUUUGHHHHHHH
at the end of the ballet scorpius steps towards albus first, but albus is the one who reaches his hand out and slinks down onto the steps
obsessed with that gay little purse scorpius carries the time turner in
delphi gets scorpius to let his guard down during their conversation and scorpius starts talking like himself in front of her again!!!
albus does the little puke-gag-joke-thing in the library to try and make scorpius feel better </3
they’re both fidgeting with their hands throughout their whole conversation :(
ALBUS’S LITTLE GIGGLE WHEN SCORPIUS AGREES TO COME WITH HIM TO FIX TIME
this isn’t specific to this production but scorpius’s shoes are one of my favorite details. in the normal world, he wears big clunky shoes to showcase his awkwardness, whereas in the dark dimension he wears running shoes!! evil scorp is athletic!!!
the second “im fighting for albus” that comes out of scorpius’s mouth is said almost entirely to himself
their little hug in the water :,)
i LOVE LOVE LOVE that scorpius tries to hug draco and he pushes him away and throws his jacket at him in such a cold manner. it makes their hug near the end feel so much more important to their relationship. as soon as we meet scorpius he immediately refers to himself as having daddy issues and we don’t see nearly enough of that in this play.
bonus p2- one of my favorite parts of this show is the in trouble again number!!! i love the background gang and all of their little scenes like this. craig being a little gossip monger is funny as shit!!!! it gives him so much personality and makes his death that much sadder :(
the delivery of “scorpius….. he matters to me…. you know that don’t you?” is INSANE. tom grant delivers all of the coming out adjacent lines so perfectly.
i love how scorpius moves his body. he waves his arms around in the air so often.
scorpius tickled albus lmao they’re so weird
when scorpius talks about hating the other world, albus throws in “apart from polly chapman fancying you” quite bitterly and scorpius almost completely cuts him off. he doesn’t acknowledge what he said in any way shape or form and albus seems to notice that he’s not interested in polly.
scorpius rubs his socks on the floor while he talks :3
the choice to have scorpius move from his bed to albus’s bed and pull albus’s blanket into his lap when he tells him that he changed himself back for him is so AAAUGHHH
AND SCORPIUS DOES THE SAME THING THAT HE DID EARLIER AGAIN!!! he gets all quiet and sweet when he’s sort of admitting his feelings to albus and then all of a sudden he stands up and goes back to his normal loud voice
“MALFOY THE UNANXIOUS IS A PRRRRRETTY GOOD LIIIIAAAR”
delphi mocking scorpius and him immediately tensing up oh he hates her ass so much
scorpius reaches out to try and intercept albus handing delphi the time turner and albus giggles at scorpius because he’s happy she’s not extremely pissed at them
scorpius holds onto the railing right up until he gets his hands bound together because he’s afraid of heights. thought it was cute that adam chose to do this even though his fear of heights isn’t mentioned anywhere in this version.
i LOVE the torture scene in this version. albus is stone faced when delphi is threatening to torture him and then he IMMEDIATELY falls to his knees begging and pleading when she turns toward scorpius.
delphi is quite literally outing albus in this scene. the silence after she says that love is his weakness and points to scorpius is SO long and SO loud omg. it’s quite literally ten whole seconds (i counted) of albus and scorpius just looking at each other. it genuinely feels like she just spilled out what he’s been keeping inside of himself for so long, it’s gutwrenching. i guess they did just watch craig die so they do in fact have bigger problems, but you can see albus’s heart stop beating and its so terrible.
i love how albus turns to scorpius when the stationmaster starts unintelligibly talking to them like “hey, you’re doing the talking rn just so you know”
i’m obsessed with how excited scorpius is to tell albus all about the history of the place they’re in. in love with his little gasps at everything he sees and his jump when he says “SQUEAK!”
albus motioning for scorpius to stop when he’s demonstrating how to scream for help lmaoooo
albus pointing with both hands at scorpius while they try to come up with a plan is so cute. albus believes in him so much.
i love how scorpius keeps hugging draco even as he’s talking
their foreheads are literally brushing against each other my god these bitches gay
albus asks “and thats who you want in your palace?” in an almost panicked way like he’s afraid scorpius doesn’t feel the same way about him.
albus holds onto scorpius’s shoulders while rose tries to reassure them that they didn’t just get walked in on lmao
3rd and final instance of scorpius trying to change the subject- asking immediately about quidditch so albus doesn’t get the chance to say anything related to what just happened
scorpius says “come on” like he’s trying to get albus to come cut a rug with him at a middle school dance
obsessed with their little gagging and puking bit and how they made it a callback to what albus does in the library
maybe my favorite hug moment from any scorbus duo. i love how albus initially reacts with shock but then melts into it and closes his eyes, only pulling away to make sure he’s not reading the situation entirely wrong (he’s not)
my favorite ending scene by far. the coming out hits SO hard. the way albus fiddles with his zipper and scrunches up his sleeve in his hand, you can tell how absolutely terrified he is of saying this to his dad. the line delivery is genuinely fantastic. the more he pauses the longer you have to take it all in- and he pauses a LOT.
okie thanks for reading!!!!!
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neverevan · 3 days
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My question is why doesn’t he just say “hey I didn’t post that I got hacked”? He deleted the instagram posts so he’s clearly aware that it’s going on, and I just feel like it would be very easy for him to post an insta story or something if he’s already on his account anyway and just say something. The silence is so weird to me
guys, you know I'm not Lou, right? like idk what goes on with the man, but sometimes trying to not make an even bigger deal out of something works best, sometimes it takes time to figure out the best way to address things, sometimes people are dumb and can't find the best way at all idk
as a somewhat parallel to this situation: when Ryan fumbled the bag, he apologised and promised to do better (which he probably did cuz I doubt Aisha and him would be so close if he hasn't) and people are still calling him racist (and antivaxx and antisemite and homophobic for whatever reason even though as far as I know he has never said anything to prompt those labels...)
and why call people out if we'll just ignore them doing better? only for the moral high ground that'll eventually become shaky, because none of us are immune...
anyway, my point is; him apologising for something he did over a decade ago wouldn't do much at best and would just aggravate these people at worst. idk if he plans to say something eventually or not, I don't particularly care for it, either.
there is a lot of guess work going on and I definitely don't claim to know everything (I did spend some time this morning trying to track down what had happened though and the accounts are consistent, but for understandable reasons proof is scarce and I also have 90% of 911twt blocked, so that doesn't help lmao)
what I'm saying is, the behaviour we've seen so far is deranged, however Lou plans to handle this is his own choosing and people who like him will still like him and people who hate him will still hate him, so there is no winning either way.
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quijabored · 1 day
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OKAY SO I JUST FINISHED WATCHING LIKE THE ENTIRETY OF S3 FOR BSD SO UH SPOILERS FOR A LOT OF IT BUT ESPECIALLY THE ENDING CUZ HOOOLYYY SHIIITTTTT
I JUST
I CANT PUT MY THOUGHTS DOWN INTO COHERANT SENTANCES SO LIVE LAUGH BULLETPOINTS ((o(^∇^)o))
OKAY SO AKUTAGAWA AND ATSUSHI???
THEYRE GONNA WORK TOGETHER ARENT THEY I JUST KNOW DAMN WELL DAZAIS GONNA LIKE MAKE IT SO THEYRE COINCIDENTALLY PAIRED UP TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF A GUY
ALSO THE PROMISE ATSUSHI HAD AKUTAGAWA MAKE??? FYM AKUTAGAWA CANT KILL PEOPLE HES IN THE *PORT MAFIA.*
Just realizing I don't know how to do the whole colored text or different font thingy BUT ANYWAYS
STILL I LOVE ATSUSHI FOR THAT AND SINCE IT WAS MADE WITH A GOAL IN MIND, I REALLY HOPE I GET TO SEE AKUTAGAWA DEVELOPMENT
AAAAHHHH HES SO SILLY I LOVE AKUTAGAWA HES MY SON
SPEAKING OF SONS
IVAN??? HES SO ME LIKE HE IS SO ME????
ASAGIRI WAS SPYING ON ME WHEN MAKING IVAN FR
Funny thing when I first started getting into the fandom bit for bsd and I saw Fyodor being simped on I was like "eeehh I mean I guess hes cool but I dont really get it. Like sure hes an interesting character but..." AND THEN I SLOWLY STARTED BECOMING A FYODOR SIMP AND I JUST SKDHKSJD I HATE THAT MAN I HATE THAT MAN HES SUCH AN ASSHOLE
please I love him so much hes such a bitch I hate him I love him so much
"If Fyodor told me to cut my skin off I would" FUCKING SAME
ALSO AAAAAA THE ENTIRE TIME LIKE I WAS JUST STIMMING LIKE IM TELLING YOU IT WAS AJSHSKDJSJ
I HAVENT HYPERFIXATED ON A SERIES LIKE THIS SINCE THE PROMISED NEVERLAND (Specifically the manga. Miss you Yuugo)
AAAAAA ALSO THE FACT THAT CHUUYAS JUST STUCK IN POES STORY??
AND POE BEING LIKE "But if Ranpo were to die what would be my reason for living..." LIKE HELLO??? I LOVE MY OTHER SON (Poe)
AND AND AND FYODOR???? AHHHHHH HES SUCH A BITCH I LOVE HIM
THIS MOTHERFUCKER WAS REALLY COMMUNICATING QITH MUSIC??? ALSO THE SURPRISED AND SHOCKED LOOK AT THE END WHEN DAZAI FOUND HIM??
I KNOW WE SEE MORE OF HIM LATE BUT FUCK
ALSO FYODORS ABILITY?? From what I saw it seems that it's just kill by touch but if Dazais like "welp, idk" then I'm guessing it's a bit more complicated than that AND I AM SO EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS AAAA
Also Mori and Fukuzawa did the sskk punchy thingy they did in the end of S2!! I'm not sure if people ship them (I refuse to take in any content about Mori) but if people do then win for them :D
Also Im extremely excited to see Nikolai cuz hes me minus the Ukrainian terrorist bit BUT AAAA I HOPE I GET TO SEE HIM SOON
JUST SEARCHED IT UP ITS S4 EP 5 AND AAAAAA
I can't watch BSD until tommorow now cuz I wanna have a minute to process everything BUT AAAA I CANT WAIT TO WATCH S4
Fyodor made me feel so many ways I love him
AAAAAAA OKAY SO MY FAVORITE BOY (Akutagawa) IS ALSO SUPER SILLY THOUGHOUT THIS WHOLE THING LIKE
THE SCENE WHERE ITS LIKE "Are you sure youre the real Akutagawa?"
"Yeah."
"...And youre not gonna try and kill me?"
"Yeah."
"What did you have for breakfast?"
"Yeah."
LIKE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH
Live laugh love Dazai but FUCK MAN AKUTAGAWAS TRAUMATIZED
Like don't get me wrong I love Aku how he is and I'm gonna love him more when I learn more about his character, but god damn it hurts to watch him seem so reliant on Dazais praise and Dazais approval like akdjkajsdj Ive been there my boy :(
ALSO I FEEL SO BAD FOR KUNIKIDA LIKE HE HAD TO GO THROUGH SO MUCH THIS SEASON
I PROBABLY HAVE OTHER THINGS TO SAY BUT AHDKSJDKWBD I LOVE BSD AND I CANT REMEMBER WHAT ELSE I WANTED TO YAP ABOUT BUT AAAAHHH ASAGIRI WHEN I CATCH YOU ASAGIRI- ASAGIRI WHEN I CATCH YOU-
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Twas talking about this scene earlier btw :3
AH ALSO WHEN FYODOR GOT SMASHED WITH A WINE BOTTLE??? HELLO??? I LOVE HIM BUT I STARTED LAUGJING AT THE SCENE
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aria-ashryver · 1 day
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Welcome To The Jungle | Choices MC Colony | Episode #4
Dorian: so, just to recap: a nearby settlement hired a PI to investigate whether a neighbouring faction of theirs were actually cannibals -- turns out they are, and now that PI is running for her life and needs our help? Rin: That's pretty much what I picked up over the comms, yeah Marianna: Seven pirate raiders from the Venom Chokers Daenarya: Oh, hey I know those guys! Yeeeeah, yeah they'll eat you. Brienne: Some of them also spit fire. Luca: Sorry-- they spit what, now? Anitha: We're helping her, right? Dorian: …Us versus seven angry, fire-spitting, cannibal raiders? Oliver: Yes, we are helping. Dorian: Yeah, totally! Nothing about that sentence is terrifying! Luca: snorts Rin: …chicken. Dorian: I'm not scared. Marianna: Yes, you are. Dorian: Shush.
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Aaaahhhhh oh god everything is fine aaahhh
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Good news! Carina is safe and (mostly) well! And since we did such an excellent job on the rescue mission (and were sooooo brave and not at all terrified) she's decided to join us for good.
Welcome to the Jungle, @stars-are-within-me's Carina 💖👋 Lovely to have you aboard
[LINK] - Episode 3.5 (ask) - a little overview of the base so far!
Okay, welcome to Episode #4, folks. Its been an exciting few weeks of raids, illnesses, and wild animal attacks, so I think our MCs are due a nice period of calm to relax, take stock, build up our base, and enjoy the bonds of friendship.
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ok so we took stock, the stocks aren't great.
Turns out doubling your colony size overnight really hits you in the food department! Who knew. Fortunately, we do have some folks who know a thing or two about crops and gardening, so we've now got two thriving farms, as well as some chickens (Wilbur and Clementine) and our new cow (Tallulah) who we traded some nomads for.
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omg the baby chicks are sleeping in the hay that's so cute 😭
(also, something weird happened and all of our crops were turned into strawberries for like a week before I noticed? We had to replant everything lmao. Idk who was behind that one)
Its been nice to just see folks bonding and chatting about stuff while they work too 😊 At the moment, Evie and Luca are the OG colony besties - Evie helps Luca with their building projects quite a bit, so they have lots of time for Top Notch banter. Clearly.
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Luca: *ADHD-fuelled rambling* Evie: yeah, i like this one he's weird
Some of the other colonists are finding comfort in each other in this harsh and unforgiving jungle too 👀 A few situationships have started to crop up here and there?? (and I find it utterly hilarious that once again, its mostly the Blades MCs who are Blades MC-ing)
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IMPORTANT NOTE: If you want to change/update any of these settings (bc I'm limiting things like lovers and marriage, etc at the moment), just let me know! [Here is a link] to current sprite stats!
Luca and Oliver have both been flirting a lot lately, so I feel like they might the next two to become a thing lol.
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Luca: Great party, Oliver! Just what we needed after getting attacked by cannibals. That was crazy, right? Oliver: Yeah, that raid was a nail-biter. Ha, good thing no one else got bitten though. Luca: …You could bite me. Oliver: … Luca: If you want. You seem broad-minded. Oliver: ...what? Luca: what?
Speaking of biting people (apt segue is apt); a group of vampires have asked if they could host a coven meeting at Cedar Station! (They'll pay us with books!! Fuck yeahhhh books!)
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Ricky, stop interrupting the coven meeting. Read the room. It's full of purple smoke and spooky spectral demon eyes.
One of them liked Cedar Station so much, she decided to stay! Cameron? Sergio? No, we used aliases. It's Jiahao. Yes, my cape is amazing.
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Welcome to the Jungle, @choicesmc's Jia!! ✨ (I've never had a vampire colonist before, I'm hyped)
Ooh, and right on the heels of this! A roaming caravan of hunters and traders passed by the colony (and enjoyed the seaside for a little bit lol) -- and one of the guards who had been helping herd and protect their animals decided to stick around too!
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Welcome to the Jungle, @dutifullynuttywitch's Autumn!! *wipes tear* our lil family keeps growing 🥹
I'm so glad this has just been a period of relaxing and making new friends. I'm really enjoying this calm. Surely nothing bad will happen, right?
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Surely nothing bad will--
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Surely nothing--
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*grits teeth* Surely nothing bad will--
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SEVENTEEN MAN-EATING MONKEYS???????
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Guys please not now, do you not see us hiding from the swarm of angry monkeys??? 😭😭😭
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ok no, we can always make time for humanitarian aid. We were sooo brave and fought off enough monkeys so Marianna and Oliver could sneak away and donate money to *checks notes*: Norma Rubivine the child brawler who is very good at mining despite being only 7 years old because she is a Dirtmole.
(me, crying: Norma come back and hhelp me w the monkeys. Please. Norma.)
Surely nothing bad will hap--
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Surely nothing-- AGAIN with the insects???
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(*through tears*) Surely nothing bad will--
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Aaahhhh ow ow ow almost everyone is downed we have run out of hospital beds aahhhh
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So uhhh. Let me end this episode by saying: Dorians arm got cut off by raiders and he almost bled to death and I felt really bad so I made him mayor.
🎉🎊🎉
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Thank you once again for letting me borrow your darlings @dr-colossal-pita @choicesmc @rosesnink @stars-are-within-me @lover-also-fighter-also @cadybear420 @storyofmychoices @dutifullynuttywitch ✨✨✨
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puhpandas · 3 months
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I change how I feel about Gregory and Tony's relationship ten thousand times a day
#like i dont even think theyd get together if tony was how he was in ggy#gregory wouldnt work to fix him or something hed hate him for being mean to ellis#its why all my beckory stuff i always imagine is in a specific scenario both when theyve been through stuff#and also after like years have passed and theyre 14/15#AND most importantly tony has had the chance to become a better person and make up with ellid#i think there cant be beckory without ellis#all the stuff ive made for them save for like rabbit burrow i feel doesnt match how i see them in my head#i don't even know how i feel about gregory in a romantic relationship still#idc about it when hes 12 and doesnt have 3 star fam yet but ive alqays seen it in a beckory dtance#as it being good that gregory can think about romance now because he got what he needed most already#but atill.#hes just such a family guy#but i really do like the beckory ship#its so interesting#idk ive changed my mind a lot and havent made enough stuff of them to keep up#with how i see them nowadays#i want to fix that#also i think i feel like the beckody stuff ive made feels shallow because#if its in a scenario where a lot of stuff has happened to get them to that point#and none of that stuff is shown and you dont see them chance#they just feel like randomly completely different people#idk im trying to muster up writing that multichapter ive been wanting to write#and sovereign is pretty much abandonded only because it wasnt working out at all#and ive truly taken everything good from that fic and added it to this new concpet#that made both seperate ideas better#so its a good thing#after the week im gonna try and recharge my writing battery#since the great ipad explosion of 2024 and scrambling to finish the week kinds fried my brain#i miss writing💔#and also wanna explore this new fic concpet im absolutely in love with
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pinkyjulien · 28 days
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#NOT TO BE NSFT ON MAIN#But I'm going through it... and by it I mean well... the horn knee#but like. lots of Thoughs about- HFH how Valentin is probably the first trans guy for Mitch#not that its rare by 2077 but because I HC him as demisexual#his first time was late-ish compared to his friends - he didnt had a lot of lovers - then there was Scorpion#who was more of a brother than a boyfriend but I DO HC THAT THEY ROLLED IN THE HAY Alright#But back to the thingy-- He's probably not experienced when it comes to Well Tdicks right#Mitch start to develop feelings for Val too the whole vets group start to notice it hardcore#cause these two gonkasses arent exactly subtle - they're just blind#and so one night while the vets are chillin drinkin the usual#subject comes up like eyy hows it going with V you gonna rizz him up or what#Mitch going PFFF idk what yall talkin about but he's red and suddenly don't know what to do with his hands#conversation goes and he's all like awkward cause Well Duh#Boys take showers together so everyone knows Val isnt Cis- there's others trans folks in the camp too its nothing unusual just an info#and get this... what if. its Butch Grease Queen Carol who gives him tips on how to get his boy all rilled up#while drunk ofc - Mitch wishin he could disapear from the discussion cause it's just too much but lowkey taking notes HKGJDKZKG#while some other vet goes on about how good it feels in there tm and all-- YNOW WARM N WET AND ALL#Mitch just nervously laugh and thanks them for the advices tm even if nothing will ever happen and just change the subject#he def jerk off in his tent tho cause he can't keep the vision out mH. hhhHHFHHF 👁👁#and he'd be like damn here I go doin it over a friend again and feels guilty next time he sees Val#(val def does it too in his northern appartment#idk where im going with this don't mind me JHGJ#sex is such an insignificant part of their love - its present and they explore all type of stuff together#but its not something that would ever be source of problem or doubts if that makes any sense#while simultaneously being important - cause Mitch was Val first time - and in a way Val was Mitchs first too#and his boy sure does feel nice /)UwU(\ weeeee#tbd
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jesterguy · 8 months
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I have so many posts in drafts about Palestine and I still just don't even know what to say or where to start
#how do i talk about my extremely zionist early education#how do i talk about my birthright trip at age 13 and the impact it had on me as a jew and as a human on this planet#how do i talk about my childhood rabbi reaching out the kids i grew up with offering support for those mourning the loss of history#and also those mourning the lives of colonizers (who ultimately are jews seeking a safe space after hardship at the great expense of others#my fucking guts have been clenched for days i feel like a shell#my mom is more worried about sending my transfem sister to college on her own in the inner city now not bc she's trans but bc she's jewish.#not to mention i always say im 'raised jewish' not actually jewish bc im not! im not jewish ive bever had a conversion.#what fucking right do i have#all i know is my upbringing and my ability as an adult to unpack it.#and how many things that i was taught are WRONG#i didnt get a christian brainwashing a got a zionist brainwashing#anyways all this to say theres always a lot of regard for Palestinian suffering on here as there should be in these situations#but young jews have a fucking weight on them right now like you just would not believe#not that its equal to or greater than the trauma of being palestinian. but just that its not mentioned right now#thats all ive got to say. idk yall are welcome to ask me more about this i just had to spew some of it#might delete#cam talks#if it isnt clear im fully pro palestine and my goal isnt to be any sort of devils advocate here. im just in a very complicated sort of pain#if i posted that email from my middle school rabbi here he would be doxxed and hate crimed.#and you know. i dont like the guy. but the fact that i know thats what would happen tells you a lot.
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non-un-topo · 7 months
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Went to a support group specifically for FTMs last night and had a good time. Surprised myself by tearing up. That's not a very cis sign, is it
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barnabybrainrot · 7 months
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—-
#mod posts#idk dude i am so conflicted abt this ‘barnaby is overrated’ shit#on one hand im like… wow another person who feels he’s overrated. daring today are we?#on the other im like… i understand what its like when the character you like isnt the popular one in the community#like i normally tend to hyperfixate on the side characters so i absolutely know how frustrating it is#i also know from personal experience that a lot of it can just be hating it solely BECAUSE its popular#when i was like 14 and undertale came out i hated it just bc it was popular. and then i played it myself and yknow what? i enjoyed it#like… its okay not to like something!! everyone has unique tastes#and i also understand the concern abt barnaby being treated like snatcher (i know NOTHING abt snatcher so dont. quote me on that)#like theres a chance the ‘fanon’ version of barnaby will be given precedence over ‘canon’#the same shit happened with sans. remember all those sans/reader fics where sans was this edgy mysterious guy?#yet in fanon hes just a funni little skeleton who likes bad jokes?#yet in *canon jesus christ i cant spell today#but like. can we just let people enjoy things if they arent hurting anyone?#like i get it its annoying sometimes. like i had to mute the oc tag bc i was tired of seeing RP stuff#but im not like. going into their inboxes and telling them theyre bad ppl for enjoying a popular character yknow?#sorry this is making like. no sense. and im sorry to put it in tags but i do NOT want this spreading#anyways. those are my thoughts for today.
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dootznbootz · 6 months
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...It's kind of wild when the terf that you got into a fight with and had to write an essay on "Why violence is wrong" back in high school now works at the pharmacy where you get your medication from...
#I'm sorry for the vent I just am mad that she could be in a PHARMACY. I hope she's at least changed her ways.#she should not be working in health if she still thinks this way.#She definitely remembered me too. I don't think she could forget honestly. neither of us was injured btw.#It wasn't a “fight” in the way you think most fights are. she called this sweet trans boy the word rhymes with maggot (that's what she is)#a maggot.#while she was moving around a lot and idk. rage took over and I twisted her arm and she happened to fall and then I cussed her out#I probably over did it but moving her arms around while ranting and then calling him that just pushed me over. I WAS calm at first.#He was a shy and quiet kid and he “didn't want to make a big deal about it” so I tried to follow his request but... you know.#it was in theatre behind the curtains during rehearsal and everyone heard/saw so yea. I got into trouble. no detention surprisingly#it was a long time coming. she would constantly harass him with shit about how “You still look like a girl”. and using wrong pronouns#and teachers were told but they didnt' do shit. She also was just a mean person. This guy wasn't the only person she bullied#I only wrote on why VIOLENCE was wrong. not about what I did. The only thing I feel bad about is that I scared the poor guy I was defending#I don't remember what I said (I was that mad) but apparently I "picked her personality apart like a bunch of lego bricks and then told her#why the “lego brick” is fucked up“ He was just 14-15 and she was 18 btw😒literally harrassing a sweet KID.#was convenient though because all I had to do was give her a look and she would immediately back down. idk what I said when I yelled#at her but it was nice that I could do that whenever she would start shit#Mad rambles#idk y'all I'm scared that she's in HEALTH. if I know anything I'll see if I can report her because while I hope she wouldn't fuck with tran#folks medications idk for sure. she was really cruel back in high school.#vent#rant#I try not to post shit like this but I'm worried you know?
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IGNORE ME I'M SORRY I KEEP TALKING ABT IT i'm just so not used to my cat not being around and it kinda kills me inside to not hear him walking around or meowing or sleeping at the bottom of the staircase anymore... it used to be like a nightly routine where i'd go downstairs and make myself a drink and give him some water and now i just. don't even wanna go down there anymore.
#you really underestimate how different things will be when they're gone. 18 years of learning his new routines and favorite places to nap#and it's just all. gone. not like i didn't experience it but just the fact that i will never experience it with him again... it's so hard#& that's like the last vestige of my childhood gone too. i mean i got my current dog when i was around 13/14 and she's gettin' up there too#so it's just like. my life dropped out from under me and i'm desperately clinging to what is left but there's not much#everything feels so hollow and i don't know hoe to vocalize that because my family is always trying so hard to heal and i don't want to#make their grief process any harder by accidentally awakening the same latent feelings in them. or whatever#i just miss him so so much but i know we made the right choice. he was old and we had a lot of good years together and we saved him from#spending his last few days in suffering by ending his pain early and offering him as much love and warmth and comfort as we could#and i know he appreaciated it and i know he loves us all and like that's not the part i have issue with#it's just. his lack of presence. i don't deny that his ghost may be around (my famjly is very spiritual like that and i have heard him) but#physically he's gone forever except for chunks of his fur and whatever else is laying around#loss is just so fucking unfair because it's completely understandable and makes total sense but it will never ever be unable to be felt...#idk. i'm just exhausted and sad and i miss my little guy. hell i still miss my dog and that happened like 5 years ago#love never goes away it just changes shaoe and makes you really really sad and kinda wanna kill youself but that would make THEM sad#so. you gotta live. you gotta be brave.
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azenhawke · 1 year
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So so wish Controllah was on the original release of Cracker Island (and also the other bonus tracks, for that matter) because it’s SO good and I wish it was on my record I’d be blasting that shit all day, my favorite song on the album
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biteapple · 8 days
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part of me still feels like i might be sort of genderfluid and/or bisexual but just traumatized about it. no idea anymore
#like. remember that. remember following me back when i was bi and genderfluid lol. awhile ago now#its like whatever to me now. its really hard for me to pin anymore#like when i feel like genderfluid and bi again i feel like i can be a lot more open about shit#but i dont really even know. its hard#i feel like. and this is just like. me yknow. i feel like if i wasnt dating a man i'd be missing out on something that i want#like i dont know if i would be content just marrying a woman and being satisfied if i. didnt have a husband. yknow what i mean#and its like. if *I* wasnt a man i'd be sad. if in a relationship i wasnt someone's boyfriend or husband i'd be sad about it#so this is what wraps back around to me being a gayboy about it yknow#its complicated because no matter the gender label outcome. i would STILL want testosterone and surgery and masculine terms#and i KNOW this doesnt mean anything for some people. like some women do all that and are women#so i could just be not-a-man and still want all this anyways#but i also know it doesnt make it any less complicated for some of these women. who also had to think about themselves a lot in this way#its this weird notion of whatever ends up happening i... physically want the same shit anyways. THAT stays almost completely static#so that for me is a breather. its just like.... idk ... if i ever got in a relationship with a woman#i'd feel like i would be intrinsically. missing out on something i wanted#which i think is what a lot of burgeoning gay kids feel generally. right#like if you went down this stringent path laid out for you that you'd be missing out on. your life that you want. right.#i dont know what i want out of that really. sometimes i feel like im too out of it to pursue anything romantically anymore anyways#i do sometimes think it'd be cool to be a butch woman. kinda..?#i think what i like about that is the masculinity of myself is gender non-confirming if i were a woman#which if im a masc guy i'm just like. your average dude. like. right#but i wanna be a bear about it. i wanna fag it up about it. and my metric of being transgender im not ... average about how i present mysel#can someone teach me how to fag it up. the construction worker part of this is working right#sighhhh.... i have to go shower. maybe i;'ll have a shower epiphany or something. sighhhhh#sometimes in my head being a woman would be alright. but its like.. i dont even know how to decode it#i think some people would call what im feeling being genderfluid. some people might call it something else. it depends on like. you yknow#and what you want. and what makes you smile. me? not quite so sure anymore#and i think its like. this sounds like its laid quite bare right. but its hard to word even.#but sometimes im like. am i just like. talking ...? yknow what i mean.
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myriadsystem · 12 days
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#personal#i dont really know how to talk about this but i am scared. for myself. not for my system but for me and also for my sys#im primary protector. i am the oldest being in this body by time (not by age). i was one of the first created at the bodys 9month old Thing#ive always had a background almost co-con role. not fully cocon but i contribute to a lot of the blur because im always close enough to#the front to be able to step in as quickly as possible if needed. and to give instructions and warnings to whoevers in front and needing it#the last maybe 2 months? 3? ive taken up a more active hosting role in a cycle with 3 others#im really worried that its been happening so much that its impacting my duties as primary protector. im scared the brain has been#keeping things from me or shutting of knowledge i did have access to to help me adjust to concept of hosting#i cant see the inner as clearly as i could. i know my girlfriends in there somewhere but reaching out only has like a 12% chance of#getting through when ive spent the last 14 years almost living on top of her as she was the old host.#it feels rough and scary. like i know shes in there i think our gatekeep would tell me if she became dormant even if i was full host so i#i have to belive shes alright in there but i do miss her so bad. i want to know shes okay. i want to hold her#im mostly worried about losing more access to information i used to have and diminishing my use in my protector role as a result#i dont want to be a host. i need to feel like i can talk to my guys and gals and pals with the clarity and communication weve spent the last#4 years building. i feel there are more capable than me to replace me and allow me to step back and resume background-host/protector stuff#they are untrained and unfamiliar with our life but theyre not trauma holders. what do they call those? normal parts? dont like that languag#but they dont have the trauma related issues that some olthers/old hosts do and can be trained in the running of the life#we dont work we dont really leave the house due to agoraphobia so we have the time and space to train a new host#idk what to do#idk where this went i guess this is venting you can ignore it#but i guess the solution is to talk to the one cohost i can still talk with and see if they can do some hiring for me#get them to head in and see if the brain will cooperate to bring someone else out to take my host spot soon#or make one but thats not ideal id prefer to avoid that if we can. but i can feel myself reaching my limits for this#somethings gotta give soon either way#system#although we already have 3 other hosts in roster and several alters created specifically for that hanging out inside too so maybe#maybe things wont crumble if i just decide to step back on my own. if i can. harder to step back when i cant access inner but maybe if i can#then we will survive with the 3
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vaugarde · 1 month
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back to the jn grind bc im kinda anxious to get done with it already. i never thought these things would come to bug me so much
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#i feel weird being like ‘’ugh ppl are being stupid in the baby show’’ but man ash is being really dumb in this baby show rn#like ash youve had multiple episodes abt spiritomb#you know what it is#i think itd be better if goh or chloe were the ones getting possessed in this episode bc that makes more sense#i think thats what makes these scenes feel distracting in jn. they gave audience standin characters thatd work better here#actually im letting the ep play as i type and this ones actually kinda annoying. im gonna skip to the allister scenes and get on with it#echoed voice#jn lb#actually thats another issue w jn. i feel obnoxious as fuck saying this bc im trying to be conscious#that im an adult watching a kids show. and thats ok. but man jn feels like its aimed at an even younger audience#something abt it feels so dumbed down in a way the other arcs arent#like it wants to be as safe and palatable as possible. idek how bc its not like i love how meanspirited the early seasons were#but there’s something missing in jn. it feels a lot dumber#like ‘’hey you guys are on a GHOST TRAIN. youre gonna see GHOSTS HERE’’#goh: ‘’uhhhhh. hehe did they say ghooooosts? idk. i guess not?’’ ash: ‘’i dunno! probably not!’’#both later: ‘’whoaaaaa whats happening?? what are these strange events????? are we…… HAUNTED????!?!?!??!?111???’’#this is on par w team rockets base being common knowledge and the characters are like ‘’uhhhhhh ha ha wheres team rocket’’ in grookeys ep#also god gohs pokedex wont shut the fuck up in this episode#ash with a haunted face. goh: ‘’uhhhhhhhh is he haunted? ash why are you acting weird?????? *takes him ten minutes to see hes haunted*#like i thought goh was supposed to be the smart one. whys he so stupid here
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bastardlybonkers · 1 month
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i feel like not enough ppl are factoring in the cultural clash between laios and shuro and the many micro agressions shuro faced while being in their group. literally the name 'shuro' in itself is one
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his name is toshiro 😭 lets also not forget that he has his own communication issues, in the opposite way that laios does- thats literally a factor in their argument, that his envy for laios's ability to express himself sincerely manifested as part of his distaste for him.
ig all this to say like, was their fight heart wrenching, especially when reading laios as autistic? absolutely. anybody whos ever been in laios's position knows how much it hurts to realize someone you thought was your friend doesnt actually like having you around, especially when they didnt tell you and you had no way of knowing due to not understanding their cues. but im begging yall to step back and see the nuance of this situation cause im gonna be real a lot of you are kinda just brushing over it acting like everything is toshiros fault and that hes a terrible person when in reality hes an average guy who really, really clashed with laios and it led to a very long misunderstanding due to their supremely opposite methods of communication. even laios and toshiro, after letting everything out in their fight, were able to come to an understanding and start a foundation for an actual friendship built on better communication
ok yknow what Edit: i shouldve made it even more explicit at the end of this post, i hadnt thought i would need to since i started the post with this, but i think a few too many people are missing my point so i just wanna clarify. i shouldnt have said 'really clashed' and left it at that because yeah they did, but it wasnt just their opposite methods of communication, it is also very much that toshiro was experiencing microaggressions via laios. it may have been unintentional on laios's part, but it still happened and wore him down, made it harder for him to communicate on top of both the more subtle social cues that he was raised with and his own communication difficulties. i also want to say that the fandom reaction to toshiro and the complete ignorance of this point is also racist tbh or at the very least ignorant. i understand that the anime did not cover this panel, and neither did the manga, as this was an omake, but im gonna be real with you guys. there are enough context clues within the story to clue you into this. if you didnt pick up on it thats ok, but i think this is a good lesson in picking up subtext in the stories that youre watching and/or reading. kui shouldnt have to explicitly say 'by the way laios was racist to toshiro' for this point to be understood, and at the very least, when the author portrays a character in a sympathetic light (as kui clearly does) it should make you question Why they are doing so and what makes them sympathetic, rather than youre immediate and only reaction to be 'well i hated what this guy did/said so i hate them and they suck'. idk exactly how to finish this, just. idk. question your biases and gut reactions to things you see in media and stories, and think about whether or not theres subtext that youre missing.
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