#idk. how am i supposed to enjoy my accomplishments when other things are really hard and painful? and who can i even

[obeyme-and-myfics]

Hi!can I ask a general hc about the bros w/ a really short MC?thx(Idk if your requests are still open if not ignore this)!

Of course! I'm on the shorter side of 5'5 and I get bullied(/pos /Playful) all the time for being on the shorter side I feel bad for people who are undeniably short lmfao Thank you for the request I hope you enjoy this <3

most of this isn't necessarily romantic but I simp for them so I am gonna add a few of them

Part 1(Here)| Part 2

Prompt: Y/N is short

Characters: Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor

🖤🤍Headcanon list🤍🖤

CW: Teasing, slight NSFW stuff in Mammon's(It's really just a dick joke)

Lucifer

Nicer than most of his other brothers about your height

Makes sly comments about your height

"I'm unsure a human of their... stature, would be able to accomplish such a task," or something like that

He doesn't make these comments often though

Leans down to your level

That's mostly so he doesn't hurt his neck looking down at you and so you don't break your neck looking up at him

Will physically pick you up and move you if you refuse to leave a restricted area(Like the stairs to the attic)

Purposely asks you to get things off higher shelves that are just barely within reach to watch you struggle

He wouldn't readily admit that, that's what he's doing tho

On a more wholesome note he happily gets things off the top shelf for you

He's extra protective over you since he worries other demons may take advantage of how small you are

He doesn't doubt your capabilities its just that these are DEMONS they're a lot stronger than humans despite your or their height

The height thing 100% makes him more concerned however

He does make jokes about carrying you around in his pocket

He's a very private person but when you two are alone he very much enjoys holding you in his arms.

He thinks its cute and funny that your feet don't touch the ground when he hugs you

Mammon

This was the first thing he pointed out about you

“Woah you couldn’t have picked one that wasn’t so tiny”

It was all fun and games(Short jokes) until you had his ass in a pact by the end of day 1

He definitely respected you 100% more after that

He's never gonna admit it tho so he still says dumb shit

Stuff like "How am I supposed to take ya seriously when you're that close to the ground?"

and "Ya know maybe you ended up here BECAUSE you're short. Short people are closer to hell ya know."

Whoop his ass

He'd also joke that you're dick sucking height(even if you're not) if your relationship progresses to something more serious

Uses you as an arm rest

Holds stuff above you and just out of your reach

Puts your belongings on the top shelf when he gets mad at you

Crouches/leans down to your level in a demeaning kind of way

Most importantly he loves to kiss your forehead since its the easiest part of your face to smooch

If you ask him to lift you up to see something better he'd do it no hesitations or questions asked

He is however going to try to play it off like he was just trying to shut you up and not actually being a sweet and loving partner

"It's not like I actually cared if you could see the damn show or anything... Don't look at me like that! I just wanted ya to shut up is all..."

Leviathan

He is staring so hard lmfao

Not in judgmental way but more of a "could I convince you to cosplay with me" type of way

He's making you cosplay every short ass character he can think of

He's definitely more careful with you than he would be if you were taller

If you bitch at him to stop he will tho

Doesn't really care that you're short he just wants to be a nerd(/Affectionate) with you

Will still make short jokes at your expense to a slightly lesser extent than Mammon

Likes it when you sit in his lap while he's playing games so he can rest his chin on the top of your head

Encourages you to climb shit cuz he's not willing to grab stuff that's too high for you to grab

I'm getting my chancla and yeeting it at him for you

He's a little too preoccupied with his games/shows to help

If he's really excited to tell you about something and you're doing something he just grabs you and carries you off

He's not gonna potato sack you tho, no, he's holding you in some weird ass position.

Asmo 100% got a picture of it at least once and sent it to the group chat

He also enjoys holding you close while watching shows

He's red in the face the whole time tho ngl

Satan

Another one of the nicer brothers about you being short

He's happy to help with most things your height prevents you from doing with ease

He doesn't make shorts jokes to your face but he's definitely thinking that shit

Scolds/threatens Mammon when he makes excessive short jokes

Doesn't bend/crouch down to your level

He respects you as a person enough not to demean you like that

He might make comments on your height but he's not trying to be an asshole

If you tell him he's being rude he'd apologize and try to rephrase his statement

"Oh. Sorry I meant..."

He'd be more curious on why Diavolo and Lucifer brought such a small human to devildom

He wouldn't dwell on it for long though

He's more concerned about whether or not you'd be interested in indulging his latest book obsession

Definitely enjoys teasing you by making you look up at him

He likes sitting down or picking you up for kisses

Its mostly sitting down cuz he's a book nerd and reads on his bed/couch a lot

Also he doesn't wanna make you hurt you neck or hurt his own back

Asmodeus

Unintentionally the worst about your height

Comments about it constantly

He just thinks its cute how much shorter you are than him

It doesn't happen often that he has to look so far down at someone I apologize for my transgressions since he's one of the shorter brothers(5'9)

He's 100% taking full advantage of this to try everything to fluster you.

Gently grabbing your chin to make you look up at him, hugging you in the most sensual way possible, shoving you into his mitties(Man titties), etc

Calls you pet names related to being small (i.e. little sugar plum or some shit like that idk)

Has the audacity to mention your height any chance he gets

God forbid he catches you climbing/getting a step ladder or something to grab something higher up

Has commented on the height difference between you and Diavolo VERY loudly before

If you confront him about it he's not gonna stop because he doesn't mean anything by it so why should you care

That's how he thinks about it anyway

If he finds out its an insecurity (if it is) he's gonna do everything in his power to make you love your height

Cuz he loves it why shouldn't you???

Beelzebub

The best brother about your height

He doesn't care

Like he literally could not give less of a fuck

He's the tallest brother and is used to most people being tiny compared to him

He definitely just carries you around sometimes cuz he wants to hang out

Man is carrying you like an American football

That or you're being potato sacked

If you need help getting stuff from high places he's either gonna lift you up or grab it for you

The worst he's ever said to you about your height is asking if you wanna bulk up a little with him to make up for your lack thereof

If you tell him that was fucked up he'll immediately apologize and be careful not to say anything like that again

He is a bit more careful than he would be with you if you weren't short

Will either sit down or lift you up to talk to you eye to eye

He just does wanna hurt his or your neck

How else are y'all gonna lift together??? Can't lift if you hurt yourselves!

He likes hugging you the most

There's just something about it that makes him feel peaceful

Belphegor

He's a bitch about it

Or at least he was at first

Compared you to an ant, shrimp or krill many MANY times

When he was insulting you in the attic he definitely called you puny

After all of that mess was over and done with he lightened up

He's still making fun of your height but to a lesser degree

Drags you away to skip school and take naps

Too lazy to get shit off higher places but will definitely help you down if you get stuck on the counter

Will then make fun of you for having to climb on top of shit to get what you're looking for

Pats your head and uses it as an arm rest

If he falls asleep next to you he's using you as a body pillow and a head rest

He's one of those "I can bully you but if anyone else bullies you I'm whooping their asses" type of person

So if any lower demons or his brothers(Mammon) are being too harsh about it he's gonna do something about it

If you tell him to ease up on the teasing he'll try but no promises

He actually really enjoys watching you stand up for yourself

There's a sense of pride there when you really give someone a piece of your mind

He's NOT more careful with you because of your height

[theyaresogay]

wasn’t sure if i should fully trust that the fluff is here to stay, BUT YOU WERE SO NOT LYING, also i definitely believe you now when you said you prefer writing fluff. CUS THAT CHAPTER WAS THE CUTEST TEETH ROTTING FLUFF.

I still am loving all the tiny lil details you add that just contribute to how much they know eachother, Jade KNOWS her favourite food, also every thought she may have about it, and that she’ll be a lil late. Just gah the lil things made it so much better.

OH AND I SO CALLED IT THAT THE THREE FOR THREE GAME WOULD BE CUTE LATER.. also like so useful for closure, with Kit thinking sorsha made jade be her friend, so glad that was addressed.

i’m so certain i had a dumb smile at the what does love feel like “it feels like home”, nah cus you’ve built Kits character so well that her being vulnerable and talking about her feelings freely hits so much harder.

i could honeslty talk about this chapter forever, but i can’t just not talk about how considerate Jade is for taking things slow, i feel like that’s almost what makes them so perfect cus Kit is used to having all these walls up to protect herself but she doesn’t necessarily need them for Jade cus she just understands. idk but the way you write them is just so perfect imma have to say this fic is for sure my no.1 fav.

Anyways glad your concert went well, and THANKYOU.

I TOLD YOU! FLUFF IS FUN TO WRITE! (sure, sometimes angst is, but teeth rotting sugary stuff is the best)

The little tiny details! I mean, they're bound to know a whole lot of crap about each other considering that they've been best friends for a million years. I love adding tiny things like that though, it really does make it feel more real.

Anna and Kit made it up and have a!ways been cute together, and I thought, you know, who's the other really cute couple? Jade and Kit. So naturally, they get to be cute with it. :)

They both really need closure about Sorsha and she's gonna get an earful, don't worry.

SEE!!! I TOLD YOU! The angst sucks, but it's got a massive point. The main reason for it in this story is that Kit wouldn't believe a lot of the things Jade said if she hadn't been through it, wouldn't believe she deserves it. But now she does!!! I'm glad it hit hard, it was supposed to, so I'm glad I accomplished that.

I love all of the comments! Ranting about Willow is amazingly fun!

Jade is very aware if the fact that it's basically lesbian culture to move too fast, and Kit's been through too much shit for her to not make sure that she doesn't hurt her. She wants Kit a lot more than she thinks they're ready for, so she's trying to make sure that neither of them get overwhelmed because they both have a lot of trauma that has not been dealt with. All of the open honestly with Jade! Kit really does trust Jade with her life at this point, but who wouldn't?

OH MY GOSH NUMBER ONE FAVORITE?!?!?!?! DUDE, YOU ARE SO KIND!!!!! YOU'RE AMAZING, AND REALLY COOL, AND SUPER NICE, AND I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH!!!!! (ngl i'm kind of freaking out rn 😂. Imagine me dancing around my house with a really stupid goofy looking grin, and you'll get the picture)

Oh my gosh, thank YOU! You always give such kind words and it makes my day every time. Truly wouldn't be doing this without you reading. Super fucking happy you're enjoying this!

[ragnarlothcat]

👐, 💋, 💫 , 🍭, 🎈

Thank you for so many!!! 💙💙💙 (for this ask game)

🤲 what do YOU get out of writing?

I mentioned the personal and creative fulfillment in the previous ask but the other thing is the community and immediate gratification of fic writing. I do write original fiction too and I miss the feedback I get when I post a new chapter in a fic. It's hard finishing something up without getting to hear people's favourite silly little joke, you know? I'm weak!!!

💋 when you leave comments on a fic, do you want to hear back from the writer?

Hmm I don't feel especially strongly one way or another 🤔 If I've asked a question then I suppose I like getting an answer. And there have been a couple of times I've left an author multiple comments and not gotten responses and I do slightly worry that it's because they hate me and want me to stop commenting but I recognize that my reaction is ridiculous and entirely in my head. In general I'm fine either way and if an author isn't replying because they're busy and/or overwhelmed I get it and I would never want to add any pressure to them!

💫 what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

It's probably a cop-out but I really do like most of them! Yeah the in-depth comments with theories and notes on characterization and stuff are incredible (and I am hugging everyone who has ever sent one of those) but I do enjoy the simple heart emojis or "kudos!" comments too.

I guess the only things I don't like are impatient demands for an update (believe me, I promise I feel bad enough about my WIPs already) or when people are very critical of a character or call them stupid in a non-affectionate way. Most of the time the vibe is "they're stupid because the pining is so obviously mutual!!!" but in a fun way because we know we're reading an idiots to lovers fic so obviously the pining is mutual but sometimes the tone is off or something and it feels like a criticism of my characterization because Obi-Wan is not that stupid in canon so why am I writing him like that? Idk, even when my characters are doing something dumb I want their actions to seem rational to them and it makes me worry I'm not accomplishing that. I'm probably being too sensitive but those comments do make me overthink (even more than usual).

🍭 why did you start writing?

It's a bit silly in retrospect but I started writing obikin specifically because I'd been reading fics for a couple months (and loving them!) but it seemed to me that a lot of fics were about how handsome and amazing Obi-Wan is and there were fewer talking up Anakin. Which I do get a) because Anakin goes on multiple killing sprees and helps run a fascist dictatorship for 20 years and b) it's harder to write Obi-Wan pining over Anakin because of the power imbalance between them. Even I struggled with it when I wrote my one master/padawan fic and I made it extremely clear that Anakin had been in love with Obi-Wan for ages already.

But the first obikin fic I ever wrote was a 5+1 that could be summarized as "everyone thinks Anakin is extremely charming and pretty" and honestly I've never really strayed from that. I like to think there's more going on but whenever I write from Obi-Wan's POV I tend to go a bit overboard with the immediate attraction. In my defence Anakin is very cute.

🎈describe your style as a writer; is it fixed? does it change?

I'd say: not very poetic, lots of dialogue (I write dialogue first and fill in the gaps afterwards) and heavy on the POV character's internal monologue. I often struggle to describe what characters are doing and then I start making everyone shrug constantly to compensate. If I didn't find first person POV kind of annoying it would probably be a natural fit for my writing. I try to change things up occasionally especially if I'm writing in a different genre than usual but I feel like my style is still pretty consistent. But I could be wrong!

[daydreamlng]

.

[scandalsavagefanfic]

Hello! I am a huge fan of ur writing. I've loved everything I've read of yours. I've read alot of what you've posted, except for a couple of the tags that are squicky for me (so I'm very thankful you tag very thoroughly). No judgement for the squick, it's just not for me. & when I'm having a bad day, I usually just go thru ur ao3 and find something to reread. I think about Therapy's Bruce & Jason every damn day. While I obvs appreciate ur darker more "problematic" content (I really vibe with some of the themes you write about bc of my own trauma, & so it's very cathartic to read about in a fictional setting), I am truly a sucker for ur more happy content. The Happily Ever After verse also lives in my head rent free. Idk more wholesome stuff just seems more special when you write it. Anyways. I would die for you. But the point of this ask is cause I'm curious as to why you don't like Urban Legends? I'm sorry if you already talked about it here or on twitter and I missed it. I was just wondering because I really enjoy your take on things and would love to hear why you dislike it. I've been enjoying it so far personally, but I am always open to DC comics criticism.

Aw thank you so much! I'm so flattered by everything you just said. You're so sweet ❤❤❤❤❤

I haven't talked about Urban Legends here or twitter (I haven't been very active in either place lately. Just a lot going on and no energy 😔) but I'm happy to do it here.

Before I start though, I just want to add a standard disclaimer and make it clear that if you like it, there's nothing wrong with that and you don't have to let me ruin it for you lol. Like what you like.

That said, since you asked...

I said this when I was talking about it on discord, that there is a difference between hope and expectation. I always hope that a new story centered on Jason (or anyone really, but things have been especially egregious for Jay for 15 years) will be good or at least treat the character with a minimal level of respect (to be honest, the bar is super fucking low). But my expectations always temper my hope, to keep it from getting unrealistic. Because my expectations are based on experience.

The long history of Jason Todd, since even before his resurrection, has been one of retroactively trying to make him "a bad seed" in order to absolve Bruce of any responsibility in his death.

I don't even expect DC or their writers to start honoring the fact that Jason was not an angry, reckless Robin (and less of the later than Dick or Tim and definitely Damian). There plenty of ways that retcon can be folded into his history and be compelling and sympathetic. And if they're going to stick with that retcon, I'm only asking that they do it in one of those compelling and sympathetic ways because Jason was 15 when he died, heroically, in one of the most selfless acts in comics, to save a woman who literally handed him over to be brutally murdered. He was 12 when Bruce plucked him off the streets, he'd been homeless and fending for himself for at least two years. I personally think that Jason's story hits harder for him and Bruce if their original, canon relationship, of Jason as starry-eyed and eager to learn and absolutely devoted to Bruce and Bruce to Jason, is preserved. But Jason's origins does leave room for a meaningful interpretation of him as angry and frustrated at the lack of meaningful results of Bruce's methods.

And that's really where my irritation at stories like Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer and Batman The Adventure Continues has it's roots.

Every time one of these stories comes out, I think (or hope, rather) that this will be the one that remembers and respects the origins of the Jason and the Red Hood, that takes into account the changed sensibilities of comics readers in the 30 years since Jason's death and the subtle, 20 year, retroactive campaign to make him the "bad Robin". The "born bad" trope is played out and literally no one likes the message it implies. That some kids are just bad eggs and there's nothing parents or the adults around them can do. Especially when it's played as the kid's fault. If Jason's time as Robin is going to be characterized by anger, then it should be rooted in anger at the social injustices he witnessed as he grew up in an impoverished, crime-ridden, area and the horrors he faced raising himself when every day was a battle for survival. There are topical, meaningful, stories to tell with that backdrop.

But those are never the stories we get.

⚠⚠ Spoilers for Batman: Urban Legends, Cheer ⚠⚠

I'm particularly disappointed in Urban Legends because for the first issue, it looked like that was the kind of story we were going to get. I was put off by the first flashback of Jason being mesmerized by Bruce's guns, and I got that feeling in my gut that it was a bad sign. Jason depicted as impatient and overconfident and the scene with the guns is heavy-handed foreshadowing that got my spidey-sense tingling. I had a inkling then (in the first three pages) of how this story was going to play out, but it was early and I could still see many narrative paths that could lead to a satisfying story. My concerns were soothed somewhat and the little flame of my hope fanned, with the flashback of Alfred scolding Bruce, with Barbara's concern for Jason. A bit of worry returned with the way Jason ruthlessly pursued an addict who didn't appear to be a dealer and with the ending of the issue. The stuff with the addict sat wrong with me but the ending was tempered some by how despicable Tyler's dad was written. The scene was clearly set so that the reader could sympathize with Jason's decision and the scene with the addict could be brushed aside as a side-effect of comics over-the-top need for constant action, so I still held hope.

Issue 2 made me uncomfortable and it's where my hope starts to take a backseat to my expectations. I can dismiss Jason's self-deprecating internal monologue as unreliable narration, except that the flashback reinforces his thought process to explicitly show that it's not unreliable narration, and should be taken at face value. Jason faces physical abuse at the hands of his mother's drug dealer and when the flashback continues later, Jason kills the drug dealer. To be clear, this is a pre-Bruce Jason. His mom is still alive. He's like... 10. He kills this guy for shoving his head into a wall and implying Jason's mother paid for her drugs with sex. This is a scene that serves a single purpose. To show that Jason has always been prone to violence.

In the spirit of full disclosure, there is the small chance the drug dealer might not be dead. But the story obviously wants the reader to think he is, and it hasn't done anything to change that yet.

Starlin already did this story with The Diplomat’s Son in 1988 and he did it infinitely better. AND that’s still technically canon. So now I’m supposed to believe that Jason lost his cool bad enough to kill two douche bags before his sweet 16? Like it’s totally normal for abused kids raised in poverty, who’ve led hard and heartbreaking lives to just... haul off and kill people? That’s bullshit, and when taken with the Jason in the third issue, who is little more than an idiot thug, this story is really doubling down on some fucked up stereotypes.

Which brings us to the most recent issue. I went into this installment with very low expectations. I thought this story was going to be about Jason, through this experience with Tyler, a young boy with a similar background to Jason's, coming to the realization that Bruce's way is the best way and that Bruce did his best by Jason.

That would be annoying (in no small part because it takes increasingly absurd levels of plot armor to keep Bruce's no kill rule relevant, let alone irrefutably right). But I can probably live with that, if only because maybe if Jason officially falls back into line with the Bats crusade, maybe I'll get stories that treat him with respect, stories that don't relegate him to comic relief, dumb brute, or a background body with no lines in a story about the Joker burning Gotham (like Jason would just fucking stand there quietly for that).

And that may still be where the story is going, Jason realizing Bruce is right.

But holy shit do I not have the right words to describe how fucking insulting and gross issue three is.

From start to finish--including the flashback--Jason is written as cruel and fucking stupid. Like straight up dumb.

The entire issue is Bruce explaining the fucking basics to Jason like it's his first day. And Jason flies off the fucking handle and terrorizes a doctor he knows isn't a part of making the Cheerdrops, beats the shit out of some random addicts, and finally, when he can't accomplish anything on his own because he's a dumb brute he calls Barbara for help and rushes in with no information where he's promptly incapacitated and must now wait to be rescued by Batman.

This panel is the least of the issues sins but I can’t screenshot the entire story but it’s representative of the tone for the whole issue (and retroactively tainted the prior two issues).

This is beyond insulting. The only conclusions Jason comes to in this issue are the ones Bruce leads him to by talking to him like he can’t make the simplest connections. And like... in this story Jason can’t make the simplest connections.

This (and the Jason throughout the entirety of this issue) is a far cry from the Jason we fell in love with in Under the Red Hood, who was competent and strategic and intelligent enough to seize control of Gotham’s underworld from Black Mask (who’s no fucking slouch, he’s the first and only person to unify organized crime in Gotham) AND elude and manipulate Bruce until the time and place of his choosing.

This is a far cry from even the Red Hood and the Outlaws Jason who is competent enough to fight the League of Shadows and Ra’s al Ghul (among very dangerous and skilled others) and smart enough to create antidotes for mind control nanotech viruses.

As he should be, by the way. Jason Todd is one of the best, most comprehensively trained fighters in DC’s stable of non powered vigilantes. He’s not irrational or hot headed. He’s pragmatic, tactically minded, and patient. He’s a detective. Right now. Has been since he was 12. Bruce doesn’t have to make him one because he already is. 

Jason is not a stupid thug who uses his fists because his brain doesn’t work. And I can’t tell you how so very exhausted I am by this narrative. 

This is actually the most egregious example of Jason’s skills and intelligence being not just undermined but dismissed entirely. Even Morrison’s Jason had some degree of competency. 

The one, single redeeming factor of this story is the art. It’s beautiful. And Marcus To is a godsend he seems to be one of only a couple of artists who remember that Jason was a child when he was Robin and I’m literally only buying this book because of him. 

Anyway, I’m sorry. I didn’t want that to come out so... um... passionately lol. I’m just very very tired. My intention with this isn’t to ruin it for you, if you like it, that’s fine. 

But this issue shot this story to the top of my "Vehemently Despise” list. 1) Batman: Urban Legends (Cheer), 2) Battle for the Cowl/Morrison’s Batman and Robin, 3) Batman The Adventure Continues.

I hope the next issues somehow salvage this dumpster fire. But I’m not expecting it.

(Damnit. That sounded harsh again. To reiterate, I’m not trying to judge anyone who enjoys it, I just personally hate it and you asked me why lol 😅)

[chemicalpink]

☾✧゜BTS Tarot Reading: a peek into their S/O energy ☾✧゜

Pairing: none, this is a tarot/oracle reading.

A/N: I used the divine feminine deck for this reading. Please do remember that every tarot reader’s relationship with their decks are unique thus it may vary the interpretation of the cards. This reading is for entertainment purposes only; the energy channeled may refer to a present or future partner. Whatever outcomes of the reading doesn’t mean ultimate truth and we should really respect the member’s dating life as fans. 

Kim Seokjin ☾✧゜

Mai Bhago: resources; warrior.

So i feel like this is someone that might have to fight for him

Someone that will stop at nothing to get him to open up.

Cause I mean sure, either way, Jin is so far up in the ‘people that will never be your boyfriend’ list with the way that BTS has grown but I feel like this is so much more than that.

I feel like 

It’s not hard to get close to him, but it is hard to get him to open up to the idea of someone loving him for him and not for what he’s accomplished.

idk if that makes sense (?

Lakshmi: abundance

As soon as I laid eyes on this card I got the idea of someone with all that bread.

Not sure if it is inherited wealth/ wealthy family or self made

But definitely someone that has the necessary resources to live comfortably

And also this adds up to them being able to make Jin open up 

Cause they are definitely not using him for money.

Which is a big relief for him.

Rita of Cascia: impossible causes.

Definitely someone that doesn’t run on the same circles as him.

I thought: hmmm maybe a fan (?

Or possibly someone that doesn’t necessarily has the time to date

But most definitely has the intention to love Seokjin with all their strength.

Min Yoongi ☾✧゜

Rita of Cascia: impossible causes

Hello we meet again.

But with a diferent connotation.

This is someone whos strong will puts us all to shame

Like really

Someone that gets their mind on something and will most definitely get it.

Very in tune with Yoongi’s energy.

Lalla: spoken words

I feel like this is someone that has gone through their life trying to heal

And succeeding

“I am the writer of my own story”

Some one that doesn’t fit into the ‘traditional’ way that they are supposed to live.

VERY straightforward.

I also thought of someone spiritual, a manifester of sorts.

Kali: mother of the universe.

LISTEN I’ve said how this one is someone non traditional

Now hear me out

I saw this card and thought well we are looking at someone not gender conforming.

I can even go as far as say that is is someone part of the LGBTQ+ community.

“It’s time to be the truth of who I am”

If you put 2 and 2 together, I can say that this is a healing presence for Yoongi, someone that will make him tune in into what he really likes, who he is.

Jung Hoseok ☾✧゜

Lalita: happiness

This made me so soft

Sunshine got his own sunshine

“Laughter leads me back to the light”

Very positive vibes for this one

One of those people that is impossible not to like

Just like him

Sarada Devi

“The presence of love is the absence of judgement”

This is definitely someone open-minded

In many ways

Someone that has no trouble with Hobi’s way of life

As in

He had to cancel last minute because there’s this thing at the studio? Sure no problem.

They don’t doubt one bit his love and devotion

And understands that they are not walking the same path

But rather walking each of their paths together.

Vajrayogini: liberation

A carefree soul

I feel like this someone is helping Hoseok feel free again

As in

Don’t get him wrong he loves doing what he does but sometimes your career ties you down

But all of those are gone with them.

A fourth card popped up: Mary Magdalene

Along with all those things, this someone is someone very down to Earth

They know where they stand

None of that getting their head get full of it for dating Hoseok

They are themselves and will stay themselves no matter what.

Kim Namjoon ☾✧゜

Marguerite Porete: mystic

Right off the bat, a soulmate connection

I’ll have to say soul family at least

A very divine love

Not like codependent but very very into each other

Shekinah

I feel like most probably this is a female, or someone that identifies as such

Also

Namjoon president? very much so

This is someone important

I see power

In like- a position wise type of way

I’ll go as far as to say a diplomat cause it’s what comes to mind

Or a business executive

Someone well respected within their own little world

Definitely someone Joon looks up to

Rita of Cascia: impossibles

What’s with these boys and this card

So again, I’m sensing fan or just someone that is not a celebrity

Public figure? sure

But like I said, they run just within their own circle

It also came to mind: foreigner

So yeah, i endorse my thought of a diplomat.

Park Jimin ☾✧゜

The Cosmic Egg

Listen I’m not surprised to get such a card from this man

This is indeed a soulmate connection

Also, filled with lots of love

But mostly like- demonstrations of love

I don’t wanna say they’re that couple full of PDA

but it’s what comes to mind

Teresa of Avila

DO NOT QUOTE ME ON THIS OKAY

But I feel like this is an already existing relationship

they keep to themselves

a very NON PUBLIC relationship

I feel like they don’t feel the need to announce it to make it more real

They vibin’

a very soft and chill connection tbh

Machig Labdron

So I feel like these two have known each other for long

This is someone that Jimin has helped through hard times

Chimchim is a healer within so I sense that he has helped them 

“I see light in my own darkness”

Also I feel like they’ve had a troubled past that has turned into love

Jimin was the light that helped them see their true lovable self.

Kim Taehyung ☾✧゜

Mira Bai: true freedom

Okay so this is someone VERY independent

Although they love Tae to death, they know to love themselves first

I can see Tae being a bit intimidated by this way of thinking at first

But learn later that this is his type of person

Yeshe Tsogyal

It came to mind an academic

Whether it is a teacher or an investigator

That academia vibe

A true intellectual

Very curious about life and averything that surrounds them

Just like Tae

Tae most likely learns A LOT from this relationship

And is very fascinated by their brain

Kali

“I release all that doesn’t serve me”

This someone knows what they want

And there is just no way around it

Like the first card said, they love Tae but life plans are life plans

Someone that loves to walk their own path

A very grown-up vibe to them

And listen I don’t wanna fall into daddy/mommy issues

really

But I’m gonna go ahead and say this is some type of inner child healing for Tae

Two very similar POVs but with SO DIFFERENT perspectives

Both curious, but Tae’s comes from a child-like place whereas his s/o views it as something greater, the purpose of the universe type of way.

Jeon Jungkook ☾✧゜

Sehknet

This card was very straightforward with the message

Someone that has been through shit

Jungkook is their well-deserved break at all the trials that the universe has put them through.

“I am pure strength”

I also feel like this is someone that tends to be an avid activist

VERY VERY passionate

and definitely tired of everyone’s bullshit

an old soul, VERY VERY OLD

“I honor my anger by giving voice to it”

Pope Joan

WHEN I TELL U

this is someone spiritual to the BONE

“Soul is limitless”

I got the ‘I will turn the world upside down to find you’ vibe too

Like

They know Jungkook is their person

And honestly? They are thriving to just watch how the universe is trying to apologize to them by putting Jungkook on their path

Someone very wise, more so in the sense of life than academic type

Parvati

THIS IS A PAST LIFE CONNECTION

like- really really had it coming for both of them

“I am a love that doesn’t leave”

They are also very very committed to this connection

They put their 110% spiritual self on this

I sensed the ‘healer meets healer’ type of connection once they meet

Also

Since this is a very old soul I feel like their soul journey is almost over and Jungkook is kind of a legacy for their learnings.

As always I hope you enjoyed! Feel free to request any other general tarot reading! Have a great day! I promise I’m working on all my other requests, this reading just suddenly came to me and i just had to do it.

[roguestarsailor]

You know what since we’re still in quarantine and i have nothing else better to do, i need to obsess over ACOTAR. I don't like a court of frost and starlight. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why I didn't like it. I aggressively read the book in maybe a day and I closed it feeling frustrated and annoyed. My version had A Court of Silver Flames preview so that definitely contributed to my annoyance greatly.

It's because it felt too perfect. Everything that had happened -- after the entire war was fought and won, they just go back to their normal lives? Yes there were hiccups and yes there were still aspects that made every IC character feel like their problems aren’t solved yet...but it didnt feel right. yes i enjoyed the snowball fight between the bat boys, feyre + rhys sexy time, and those little comfort moments too, the slice of life type things and seeing feyre accomplishing her goals and how hopeful the future seems BUT its too fast. the good parts of the book did not offset the bad parts of it.

Feyre literally accomplished pretty much every single goal she made back in ACOMAF just like that?? within a span of what a few months? a year?? She really came back from an entire war -- probably the first war of many since she's immortal and just like that, after her 21st birthday: she gets a whole entire estate, wants to start poppin babies, opens her art studio and starts teaching kids and then acting like she can rule an entire court?? the timeline is sooo short esp since its been brought up over and over again how everyone is literally 500 years old and have a super “messy” history and their changes seems to come super dupe slowly. but feyre, who has only lived 0.000000002% of her fae life, is out here thriving just fine???

the war devastated thousands of illyrian soldiers where its changing the politics of the illyrains and the faes, all of whom feyre has responsibilities over too as high lady. the mortal queens are still at large who left the humans on prythian to die which is why feyre was willing to go to war in the first place! what about the rest of hybern and their land and residents?? they wanted to enslave humans for social and economical reasons! then what about integrating humans w deep hatred and fear with deeply prejudice fae??? there’s also spring and summer court who are literally in ruins. thats literally so much. so idk how feyre is just chillin???? she gonna let rhys do all the hard work???

like feyre sit down. u should not be having a baby. esp since it took u literally a 700 pages to heal from those 3 months UTM. ur telling me shes gonna whole heartedly bring in a newborn in a war devastated world, with civil unrest (illyrains, other courts), with the messiness of human and fae integration, with trauma u and rhys will have to continue to overcome esp after THIS war??? even helping ur sisters w their traumas??

this is a personal opinion on this subject (and maybe my thoughts will change on this later on; opened to other thoughts) but when i read the part about how that weaver/seamstress artist who made that dark quilt that feyre loved talked about how her mate of 300 years didn’t come back from the war and her biggest regret was that she didnt have a kid to remember him by i just thought ur kid isn’t some sort of memorabilia. don’t have a kid to keep the memory of ur mate alive; have a kid cuz u want a kid purely for the sake of having a kid. ur memories and photos and shit will keep their memory alive but its not having a kid. some primitive need to keep the genes alive maybe?? but the way it was phrased and then in turn how feyre was like oh i need  a baby pronto cuz rhys might die in the next war and regret not having a kid with him didn’t sit right with me. also the other couple were together for +300 years and have a rich life together, while shes been with rhys for literally two years THATS NOTHING IN FAE YEARS. thats still the honeymoon phase and also ur problems arent even close to being over!!!

everyone was shitty to nesta. in ACOMAF, we saw how much the IC went through and still did all they could to help feyre. what made them not think nesta deserve the same welcome? nesta is mean as a defense but did no one try to figure out what would help (amren got close but shes so under developed)??? feyre knows nesta feels too much and yet she continued to be shitty. continued to flaunt her wealth, her status, her familiarity/borderline know-it-all attitude about fae/night court, her ~estate~. forcing nest to the solstice party when nesta was literally like i dont belong, im looking at everyone through a window type of thing; the fire cracking triggering her, etc. what kind of power play was that when she made nesta come to her estate, where nesta could SEE how ~homey~ and how suscessful feyre is and fully see all the lovely paintings of everyone feyre loves that explicitly exclude her to tell her to fuck off to a war camp?? bro???? cas was a dick too and elaine was rude. i think a lot of his actions were meant to make her angry since anger keeps u fighting (as was the method of rhys for feyre in ACOMAF) but what he said was stupidly shitty and i demand that he apologize properly. elaine could have done more to help her sister but whatever. mor was definitely an ass too (and im upset for how little her character growth is). 

Lucein. that man can’t catch a break tbh. im happy that hes w the band of exiles cuz he is whole heartedly accepted there. feyre was definitely an asshole to him even tho he helped as much as he could throughout the books. he tries so hard w elaine as well and it did hit my heart a bit when she was like gloves to work in my garden?? no ?? i use my bare hands see oNly aZiReL sEeS mE fOr WhO i Am. and at the same feyre is like flaunting her mate status to lucein which is mean as shit. its like this man can’t find love in prythain. then tamlin sending him his box of his things??? thats for sure brutral. tam was literally his partner through it all; savior of sorts even. no love from IC, no love from elaine, no love from feyre, no love from tamlin, no love from autumn court rejected everywhere! also HIS TRUE FATHER?? HEllo??? 

then on tamlin. i pity the guy! was i suppose to feel that way??? it felt like he is allowed to get a redemption arc and maybe i’ll even root for a redemption arc??? i was absolutely excited for freysand in ACOMAF but after ACOFAS, im like tamlin is....not completely bad??? his relationship w feyre was bad and the controlling parts were very much a no-no. i dont truly understand the dynamics of an abusive relationship but i can understand that it can be insidious and its the little things that hurt the victim. and i felt  feyre through ACOMAF and rooted for her to escape her abuser! but then it felt like i dont think he was doing any of those things out of malice. ill say tamlin is a bad leader and doesn’t know how to run a court outside of what he sees his father do. his understanding on everything is based on the traditions of the past which i think fueled most of the things he did i.e. not telling feyre she was in danger since maybe his mom didn’t do those war planning things. ACOTAR showed how he truly cared/loved and took good care of feyre and her family. he even talked about how he didn’t believe in the enslavement of humans! i think that tam wanted to preserve what he thought was the good (aka feyre + her love of painting) and get back a sense of control that he and his entire court lost while chained to amarantha. but at the same time, i think he truly thought feyre wasn’t safe. he knows rhys can crush minds and knows feyre can’t read/write so when he got that letter telling him shes safe of course hes gonna flip shit and made a deal w the devil (although those temper outbursts were DEFINITIVELY not ok!!!). he also didn’t listen and has sense of he knows best when feyre was not the type of person. but feyre destroyed his entire court. he lost all his sentries who literally went out to die for him during amarantha’s reign. he lost lucien too; his trusted right hand man. his people were cursed for 50 years and then continued to suffer UTM and was in the process of rebuilding too!  but just seeing spring court, WHO BORDERS THE HUMANS, be in ruins where his subjects left him, his people left him and hes all alone in the manson?? that was sooo sad. so im like why does what feyre did not feel satisfactory????? im mad that it didn’t feel right??? maybe there wasn’t a point where feyre talked to tamlin -- like really talked to him esp w her new found voice and power, etc. anyways, i dont hate tamlin and was like oh shit i think feyre fucked up a bit there.

rhys is a dick to nesta. which made me think, if feyre wasn’t his mate would he extend the same love and care to her???  i loved how he tried so hard to make sure feyre was ok. made sure she wasn’t breaking! all of it! but for nesta, he had the audacity to use his high lord voice and be an ass overall. even tho he can see how cas is fucken in love??? even just how he talks to cass feels off too. 

i’ll even go as far as to say because of how terrible ACOFAS was, it created this intense divide within the fandom. i remember reading the first three books and was absolutely 1) rooting for freysand  2) curious about the sister relationship and how it will be mended 3) i definitely didn’t hate nesta nor did i hate elaine either -- but i was adament about them talking it out with feyre for those tough times 4) saw a more realistic and charming healing arc 5) was rooting for feyre to be a stronger voice and grow into herself 6) love the dynamic of the inner circle + feyre

but after ACOFAS, I have this intense need to defend nesta and was super mad at how she was treated after the war and in turn a deep dislike for elaine for both her lack of agency, lack of grit that made all the other characters interesting, and lack of care for her sisters (who showed how much they would risk for her). i dont hate rhys but i was extremely not happy with him and his attitude and behavior. feyre became more arrogant and was acting like how asshole rhysand would act. like her life is perfect now and i was not rooting for her anymore. freysand didn’t feel like they have complimenting qualities that made them interesting in the first place but rather they are merging to become the same person but in a bad way. that mind reading thing was cute in the beginning but it became insufferable since all thoughts were shared so seamlessly it made reading feel weird. 

anyways those are my thoughts on ACOFAS. it was a 1/5 stars for me and im mad those events transpired. reading the other books made me excited to know what was gonna happen and i was truly ready to accept the characters as flawed and nuanced as they are. im not mad about character not liking each other but i am mad that everything felt off. ACOFAS just felt regressive in some parts and forced in other parts. i know not everything ends in a nice tied up bow but this book single handily ruined what i thought about these characters in the worse way possible. this book wasn’t suppose to wrap up all the problems that exists in the other books but it didn’t feel hopeful like i thought it would. it didn’t feel wrapped up and didn’t feel like i should be excited about the next books. theres so many missing pieces i feel that i think need explaining and at the same time, i think it introduced too many problems at once which made it feel like its jumping around everywhere. although im still excited for ACOSF because i love nesta, and nesta deserves so much better and i want to have hope that this bad ending will either make sense later on or it was just a blimp.

[puppy-phum]

get to know me

am going to mix these two different tag games into one post so thank you a lot for tagging me @jazthespazz and @i-am-just-a-kiddo ♥

it’s somehow funny to do these same games again after a while so let’s see what I come up with:

Part I

name: real name petra but i prefer vish/vishie over here ^^ 

pronouns: she/her

star sign: aries ♈

height: 178cm (which am coming more and more proud of while i realize how damn tall every cdrama actor is lol)

time: 10:37pm as am answering this one

birthday: 10th april!

nationality: finnish 

fave bands/groups: ah well this is always a hard question but let’s go with these: BTS, DAY6, OneRepublic, Hurts, Oneus, Hoppipolla, TXT, Red, Mamamoo

fave solo artists: (forgive me if i’ve assumed any of these wrong) Novo Amor, Talos, Crywolf, Liu Yuning, SYML, EDEN, PVRIS, Joker Xue, NF, Halsey, Sleeping At Last, Nuz, HyunA, Sam Smith, Taemin

song stuck in your head: it’s OneRepublic’s Rescue Me bc of the song tag game i did earlier today :’D that one always gets stuck in my head whenever i as much as see the title lol 

last movie you watched: i think it’s The Yin-Yang Master (2021)? I haven’t watched any movies after that bc am so busy with all of my dramas haha

last show you binged: i think binged would be The Journey Across the Night! I watched that as a whole in 4 days

when you created your blog: in 2013 

the last thing you googled: ummm i think it was “what is a ball of wool called” bc of fic purposes haha as a non native speaker i always get a bit lost with words like this 

other blogs: none, i just dump everything here like the idiot i am 

why i chose my url: dates back to my intense summer of binge reading J.R. Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series. Vishous was my favorite of the brothers haha. i first used this username in some random game on my nintendo ds lol 

how many people are you following: 358 which somehow feels like a lot but also like way too few?? i should probably search for some new blogs with other topics than cql, bts and/or dmbj bc i do love a lot of things at once 

how many followers do you have: over 800 

average hours of sleep: i’d say around 7h

lucky numbers: i remember answering 5 previously? i don’t really have a lucky number but 5 pops into my head

instruments: nope, no. not touching those tyvm. i admire everyone who can play any instrument tho

what i’m currently wearing: black jeans, socks with foxes on them (plus my woolly socks), a gray cardigan (my fave thing ever!) and an orange/brown top

dream job: writer would be ideal but that is very faaaaar into the dream zone 

dream trip: around different parts of asia to taste all the amazing food ;; maybe a road trip of sorts through europe? or inter railing? another trip to london bc i miss that ;; a trip to the very northern part of lapland to see all the auroras etc! i’ve never been that far north :’D 

fave food: if i need to quickly name something then sushi. otherwise am pretty fine with anything spicy 

top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: i remember thinking about this a lot the last time i answered this but hmm. currently i’d say dmbj still bc that world is fascinating AND i would love to talk to the characters. mass effect would be the second one currently bc i miss those games and the space stuff is super cool! and the third one would be assassin’s creed rogue bc that is my fave ac game and i like the northern sea and the places in it AND i could probably be one of abstergo’s employees instead and just test/play those simulation games haha 

Part II

Last Song: am currently listening to my playlist with just everything so i have Andrew Belle’s The Enemy playing right now (also I only just now realized that Andrew Belle also sings Pieces which is one of my fave songs? my bff linked that to me after it played in some tv series she was watching)

Last Movie Last Stream: i didn’t want to mention the same movie again or skip this question and i’ve wanted to talk about this anyway so! i watched Liu Chang’s bday live last night :’D it was so much fun even if i couldn’t understand anything. it was just nice to watch him being himself and have fun and chill with his fans. also the songs were amazing ;; i cried with Liu Sang’s character song as well as the ending. and all the while i couldn’t turn my gaze away from his eyes! he has such pretty eyes and they were absolutely Sparkling throughout the whole stream, it was so nice :’)

Currently Reading: Devotions by Mary Oliver (i adore her poems! they’re a very nice change after Siken haha) and then some uni stuff for a course about culture and mental health plus my thesis

Currently Watching: Douluo Continent, Word of Honor, The Long Ballad 

all of these are amazing and make me feel different things! i started Douluo Continent just a while ago and am now on ep 16 i think? it’s been very pretty and very chill and i watch it during the weekend while i wait for new episodes to the other two :’D it’s nice to see Xiao Zhan again and i’ve enjoyed the rpg game type of feeling in it? the group of seven is doing amazing and it’s interesting to watch them craft their team work! Word of Honor again has reached the ending and i just hold my breath with it. am not too far gone with it so i am not getting as heavy feelings about it as i probably could but i enjoy it  alot still and i do cry at times ^^ and then The Long Ballad has just blown me away! i didn’t expect to love it this much and be this invested in it but everything about it has been such a positive surprise and it keeps making me super emotional! i love the characters and the story and the romances even! it’s a great accomplishment for me. also yes i cry on the daily bc of hao du and bc of ashile sun’s hair haha

(i am also rewatching Ultimate Note kind of and been thinking about getting into rewatching Reboot bc it has been on my list ever since i finished it)

What is antipoetry to you: okay hmm i had to google this too and have to agree with Kiddo here. i don’t have strong feelings about poetry tbh, i wasn’t into poetry that much before maybe a bit over year ago? Siken has really blown me away haha. but i have always loved song lyrics which i never thought as poetry but then Kiddo said to me that they consider them poetry and yeah ok. i agree? so idk poetry can be whatever i suppose. i’ve never seen any rules in it anyway. i know there are many rules for different types of poetry but then again. i feel like poetry has always been just words put together to feel things and i guess that is the core purpose of every written type of art in the end right? 

Currently craving: a drama as good and as personal as The Journey Across the Night. that show really just stole my heart and i want that feeling back. i think about that show every day. i miss Li Jia and his two partners. i miss the vibes. i miss sitting on my floor watching it and just sobbing my heart out haha. also! craving a properly subbed, whole version of Anti-Fraud League. only the first 12 eps are badly subbed out there. wetv has... blocked? deleted? the whole show??? i need it to my life, i wanna see Xiao Yuliang being cute as Mi Ruo and i wanna know where the story goes smh 

thank you so much for these both! i had fun ^^ also am sorry this is so long but haha if you’re asking me to talk about myself and my interests then this is what you get :) 

tagging (to do which ever part you want or both!): @cross-d-a @jockvillagersonly @humanlighthouse @kholran @xcziel @minmoyu and @leonzhng ♥

[alotsgonnachange]

Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

[danideservedbetter]

Alright so, here’s how things are gonna work.

First off, welcome to this side blog. Since it won’t be jolly fun fandom content and will be a little more personal I decided to separate my health and writing journey from my fandom stuff, although all my fandom content will still be linked on my main blog here.

(I write Izuocha/bnha content which isn’t super popular so if you’re not here for that then yeah, I don’t blame you. But if you are I have a link to our discord and community content pinned so def check it out if you’re interested.)

Secondly, you guys will hear details about stuff relating to my health like what kinds of things affect my disorder based on the tests some doctors are ordering, how I’m trying to improve my diet and activity, and routines and goals I’m attempting for myself. I am underweight, and that’s something I’m going to be talking a bit about, so if that’s triggering following this blog might not be the best thing for you. Details under the cut.

So, what kind of disorder do I have and why did I decide to make a health journey blog? My disorder is called idiopathic hypersomnia. Basically what that means is that when my disorder is acting up (based on factors like stress especially or my generalized anxiety rearing its ugly head) I have the capacity to sleep. And sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. My longest recorded uninterrupted “sleep-attack” was 26 hours long and ever since I caught Covid in January, my body had been slowly growing weaker to the point I was starting to develop atrophy. I’ve had this ten years and my neurologist suspects inactive cells from mononucleosis I caught at 14 was the cause, because other IH patients have linked their sleeping problems to a case of mono or have had it at some point in their lives.

This disease stole many years and many things I’ve looked forward to from me. I lost friends and experiences and failed so many college classes I had to drop out.

I’ve decided I’m taking them back.

It’s not going to be easy. Just as it took ten years to convince myself that my tiredness was something I chose to give into, it took several extra years and many fights with my family to convince them that I had a real actual neurological disorder and that I need help sometimes. My parents and grandmother finally understand that I have to finish college and find a very special boss willing to work around my erratic progress on projects, but the outsiders they married are not as convinced. My grandmother’s husband kicked me out of their house because he wants to be the center of attention and doesn’t like that some days I’m so weak that I needed my grandmother’s help, and my father’s wife thinks I’m a lazy and ungrateful leech who “gets anxiety just being around” me. Both told my father I’ll never be happy so why even bother with me, but my dad is actually striving to understand his own recently-diagnosed PTSD so while we still butt heads he’s understanding that I have to take things day by day because every tiny circumstance affects my disorder.

Now, why did I decide to air all this out? Well, being open about my disorder and how it affects me has helped at least two people that I know of find out that the tiredness they experience isn’t the typical “American work force exhaustion” they were trained to believe is normal. So if I can help even one more, I’ll gladly talk about what this entails and how I deal with it day to day. Another reason is that I’m also one of those big advocates who believes talking candidly about mental health destigmatizes it and sharing ideas can help us grow as people and maybe make it a little easier to deal with.

So now that you know a little bit about me and my disorder, here are my big goals for the next three months provided my university takes pity on me and actually lets me go back.

First up: create routines to train my body to get used to living a full day fully awake. This includes waking up at the same time and going to sleep at the same time. It means getting dressed and going out and doing things, even little things— which I’ll get to in a sec.

Second: I write. I have a novel in limbo and I write fanfics. Writing is a big part of who I am and I’ve written one thing this year, which for a whole six-month stretch is upsetting and disappointing. Today is my reset. In the next 569 days I want to to finish the six stories I have in limbo (except the larger one) and finally reach my goal of posting 200k words in a single year. I wont be hard on myself if I can’t accomplish this because honestly finishing anything in the chaos of my life is going to be a miracle but. There ya go.

Third: go back to freakin college. I don’t care what it takes. Sit down with every official, every lawyer, and every professor it takes to get me back enrolled in classes in the fall.

Fourth: I have several smaller things I have to do, short term goals, stuff like that. I’m gonna create a to do list each day of small tasks I want to get done and while some of these things will be part of my daily routine I am throwing in like one or two things a day that just need to be done. My writing goal will change daily and I’ll keep y’all updated on that with every post I make.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. Dani! That’s so much!! Well, a few months ago I remembered hey!! I basically have a computer in my hand, why make it hard on myself. So I downloaded certain apps to help me out. This isn’t me saying “hey go subscribe to these apps because I said so” it’s just that through a lot of trial and error I’ve come to find that these certain apps work for me and I’ve yet to come across one that has the functionality of everything I need.

Tiimo — so this is an app I found developed by people with autism for people with autism to help them develop good habits and routines. It has preset daily schedules (things like morning routines or nightly routines or work routines) and an internal alarm to let you know when to move on to the next task. I myself have extremely low-level aspergers (to the point where my doctor won’t give me an official diagnosis because I didn’t want people think that *it’s* the reason I have issues with school), so moving from task to task can be difficult sometimes and I also deal with getting distracted. This widget also appears on my home screen so I know what I have to do at a glance. You can program in weekly and daily tasks to fully customize your schedule, which is fantastic for someone like me who wants to for example rotate chores. This is hopefully going to help me get my body in the habit of adjusting to routines and transitioning from one task to another, as well as getting important things done responsibly.

Promptly Journals — I’ve been told for a while that journaling is helpful mentally to kind of recenter yourself, so a bit ago I downloaded several journal apps to add to my morning routine. Now some will prefer more creatively free journals, but I prefer this one that gives me small prompts I can do in a short amount of time that just allows me to get my thoughts down. I can even add pictures at the bottom that go with the theme! I’m scared I’ll run out of prompts eventually lol but until then this app works very well for my needs.

Stretchingexercise — Now idk if it’s from lack of sleep from my disorder, the position I sleep in when I do sleep, all the physical labor I’ve had to do in the past couple weeks, my medicine, or w h a t but I suffer from body aches like no one would believe. I know stretching is supposed to help with that, so I downloaded this app to help me do non-demanding physical activity that wakes me up in the mornings and helps relieve pain so I don’t keep having to take pain relievers. This one has different plans for things like muscle tension, back pain, warm ups— and it also gives you rudimentary weight updates (I’m underweight lololol so we’re looking to fix that) or plan updates. It’s worked really well for me so far and gives you animations and descriptions of the workouts (some taken from yoga) as well as timed breaks and a narrated guide. It’s been pretty helpful in temporary relief and if nothing else gets my blood flowing in the mornings.

Widgetsmith Step counter — in addition to the stretching thing one thing my doctor and I discussed that helps with the sedentary lifestyle is simply walking. I’ve needed so bad to relieve my stamina and reverse the atrophy, and walks have been stellar for that. Now I live in the New Orleans area so humidity and heat force me to go at the crack of Dawn, but honestly my weenie dachshund Charlie really enjoys our time out so he goes with me! The CDC recommends 10,000 steps a day which seems like a lot and it is if you don’t get out much. But this gives me an excuse to get dressed and do the hygienic thing and help Charlie be healthy too, as well as give me time for brainstorming because we walk in a truly beautiful area. I’m sure everyone installed widgetsmith with the last iOS update (Apple users anyway) and while at first the step counter was just interesting I’ve since come to rely on it! We do our 5000 in the morning, which of course is half, and I find that other things I do throughout the day typically drive the counter higher. Anything leftover can easily be accomplished by an evening walk in our neighborhood. Now the caveat is that I have to remote have my phone in my pocket because I don’t own a watch or anything fancy lol, but honestly I need to keep it on me anyway so that serves as a good reminder.

Todoist — this one is my FAVORITE. Ever since I’ve decided that I have trouble keeping track of things I need to do and small stuff I need to keep in mind and appointments, etc, I decided to find a list app. This is the one I found that absolutely helps me for everything from my list of room supplies I need to buy, to my reading list, to general tasks I have coming up I need to complete. And its widget functionality keeps it right on my Home Screen! More organized individuals can just use tiimo, but I’m definitely not one of those individuals so this app is sorely needed and appreciated.

And of course, I know building habits the first few weeks is HARD. So for days my body doesn’t respond to my alarms, I have a checklist of the key things I have to do to keep my life as functional as possible.

So that’s that on that. I’m going to try to keep writing updates and my daily goals in a post in the morning, and reblog what I accomplished in the evening. It’s gonna be tough. But I’m thinking if I can start small I’ll be able to build my stamina enough to return to college and be successful when I do. I hope that anyone watching this journey draws some kind of meaning or inspiration from it. And you guys can even follow along if y’all want! Especially for writers or people trying to get healthier. I can’t promise what works for me will work for you (and honestly I expect things to change especially if I get accepted into college again) but hey, I figure it’s worth a shot.

I hope you guys enjoy watching this journey, if nothing else I hope it’s entertaining. And maybe it’ll be successful. I do know that I’m just gonna try for it, and hope it works out.

First daily update to follow

Xoxo

Dani

[gotmymindsetonyou]

The Best and Worst Things About Each MCU Movie

These are all just my stinky opinions. You are allowed to disagree, you are allowed to agree. Most of these are jokes anyway. I’m honestly just happy you’re reading this. Minor Spoilers Ahead!

Iron Man (2008) -

Best: This movie almost perfectly sets the tone for the entire universe that has at that point yet to have been created. Looking back, you can imagine the feeling of “Where are they going to go from here?” and I think that’s one of the most important things that this movie needed to accomplish.

Worst: What the fuck is Jeff Bridges doing? What’s his endgame here? I get he’s trying to take over Stark Industries but how’s he gonna do that from inside that giant metal suit he uses to kill people inside their cars?

Incredible Hulk (2008) -

Best: Tim Roth is in it and I think that is pretty cool.

Worst: I haven’t actually seen it, but the cgi looks god awful, what the hell.

Iron Man 2 (2010) - 

Best: Sam Rockwell is so goddamn annoying in this movie and I think that’s amazing, he’s such a little stinker.

Worst: I remember basically nothing else about this movie except some guy talking about birds, idk.

Thor (2011) -

Best: It introduces Loki, probably one of the most beloved villains in the entire franchise. 

Worst: This movie is so goddamn boring and it’s my least favorite and I hate it. Don’t @ me.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) -

Best: The first good chunk of this movie is actually a really compelling character study on Steve Rogers and what makes him a good man. Seeing him basically being paraded as this propaganda figure and watching him struggle with this is one of the most compelling things about him as a person. Really wish they kept this up for the entire movie.

Worst: The red skull is really boring guys. He’s red, that’s it. Give me something else to work with man.

Marvel’s The Avengers (2012) -

Best: This movie proved that you can have a superhero team up with this many people and have it fucking work. It doesn’t matter if you hate or love this movie, you cannot deny the effects it has on the genre.

Worst: It’s shot like a bad CW show. It looks so ugly.

Iron Man 3 (2013)

Best: This one is actually my favorite of the bunch. Exploring the question of what makes Iron Man, the suit or the person, is shown really well here. I thoroughly dig it.

Worst: That scene where Harley flip flops about whether or not he really knows Tony makes me so irrationally angry.

Thor: The Dark World (2013)

Best: It’s slightly better than Thor, and I actually can feel myself start to have a good time whenever Loki’s on screen.

Worst: Once again, this movie is insanely forgettable. Christopher fucking Eccleston is in this movie and I could not tell you a single thing about this character.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014) - 

Best: This movie has one of the best hand-to-hand fight scenes in the entire MCU. You know the one I’m talking about. It gives me chills, I love it.

Worst: Having the government stand-in that Steve questions in the beginning of the movie actually be a front for N*zis that he can just beat up, and not an actual metaphor for the issues with the government today? You ain’t slick.

Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 1 (2014) -

Best: This is the mcu movie basically anyone can enjoy. Anybody can watch this movie and find something to love about it. The characters, the messages about family and learning to be okay with feeling love, the jokes, hell, even the space setting. THE MUSIC. It’s the full package baby.

Worst: Chris Pratt has an unfortunate cameo in this one.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) -

Best: I have a couple of things. A) The party scene where we get to watch the Avengers talk and be friends with each other and act like people. B) I love James Spader no matter what he is doing.

Worst: Why is everyone quipping? Why is the robot quipping? Why would they massacre my boy like that?

Ant-man (2015) -

Best: I want Paul Rudd to marry me, best dad in the mcu.

Worst: The moment Edgar Wright left this project.

Captain America: Civil War (2016) -

Best: Introduces two great characters, Spider-man and Black Panther. These two get a lot of love when it comes to designing their characters in this movie and it makes me very happy.

Worst: It made the fandom very unhappy and I don’t like picking sides. It feels like watching your many parents get divorced for two hours.

Doctor Strange (2016) -

Best: The magic looks really fucking cool in this movie. Also, the ending with Dormammu is up there for one of my favorite endings of an mcu movie. Having Doctor Strange actually outsmart the villain instead of actually fighting him is endlessly more satisfying.

Worst: Could not tell you a thing else about this movie other than I heard Tilda Swinton plays a character that’s probably not supposed to be white.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) -

Best: Guys, I gotta come clean about something. I actually like this one better than Volume 1. I know, I know, a good majority of people do not feel this way, but I feel a lot more emotionally attached to the movie, and that’s mainly because of two characters: Yondu Udonta and Rocket Racoon. Rocket realizing that he’s an asshole but his found family still loves him gets me, man. I can’t help it. Helps that Ego is a great villain as well. Also the cinematography is some of the best in the mcu.

Worst:  No Howard the Duck.

Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) -

Best: I think the best thing about this movie is just the solidness of it all. No one part stands out as the best because most everything about this movie is pretty damn good. Michael Keaton will knock your socks off, go watch it.

Worst: Donald Glover is in it to tease a Miles Morales reveal, BUT NOTHING HAS HAPPENED ABOUT IT SINCE.

Thor: Ragnarok (2017) -

Best: Taika Waititi knows how to do shit right, lemme tell ya. Taking away Thor’s hammer from the beginning was probably one of the smartest choices in the movie, and this is a movie of smart choices.

Worst: Jeff Goldblum isn’t in it more.

Black Panther (2018) -

Best: Erik Killmonger is easily the best villain in a Marvel movie, and you can quote me on that. An amazing performance from Michael B. Jordan. It’s also the first Marvel movie I saw in theatres (I know, I was very late to the game)

Worst: Everett K. Ross is CIA propaganda and the last fight scene on the train tracks looks like shit.

Avengers: Infinity War (2018) - 

Best: It’s really hard to sum up exactly what my thoughts are on this movie. I think one of the movie’s best qualities is the bigness of it. This movie feels huge, there’s a lot of different stuff to love here. If you like Wakanda, there’s a whole epic battle set in Wakanda. If you’re more a fan of the space stuff, we got a whole lotta space stuff. The best part of this movie is there’s probably gonna be something that everyone can enjoy packed in here.

Worst: I also think the bigness of this movie is also one of it’s larger weaknesses. Because there’s so much stuff in this movie, not all of it is fully fleshed out. Tony Stark gets a lot to do in this movie, but Steve Rogers sort of feels sidelined at parts. There’s a perfect balance that I don’t think was quite hit.

Ant-man and The Wasp (2018) -

Best: I still really love Paul Rudd in this movie, and I think his relationship with Cassie is still really cute. World’s Greatest Grandma indeed.

Worst: This movie really had its work cut out for itself, coming off the heels of Infinity War, so it sort of falls short in that respect. I don’t want to criticize it too harshly, it is what it is, nothing insanely memorable. 

Captain Marvel (2019) - 

Best: I still think this is a pretty good movie, despite what a lot of people think. I struggle a lot with believing that I have to prove myself to others, so having Carol finally realize that she doesn’t have anything to prove to anyone was really important to me, and probably a lot of other women.

Worst: There were parts where I wasn’t as engaged, like the scenes in the Kree empire. That made some of the movie feel off to me, it’s a bit unbalanced.

Avengers: Endgame (2019) - 

Best: This movie 100% achieves what it sets out to do, and that is to be a huge cinematic event. I don’t even really see this movie as a movie, it’s more like one huge experience. My viewing had one of the most energetic crowds I’ve ever seen a movie with.

Worst: I don’t really think this movie holds up to multiple re-watches. Granted, I saw it in theatres three times. I don’t think any subsequent viewings are ever going to pack that same punch that my first viewing had, and that makes it harder to come back to. Also Steve had a totally lame ending.

Spider-man: Far From Home (2019) - 

Best: After ending on such a downer note in the last movie, this felt like a weight being lifted off my chest. Jake Gyllenhaal gives an insanely energetic performance that I absolutely adore. (Also seeing it with my dad was fun, he would nudge me every time they switched locations to tell me he’d been there)(Also when I saw it with my sibling a kid ran out of the theatre during the Mysterio mind-fuck sequence, some just can’t handle that lifestyle)

Worst: Peter Parker and MJ remind me of how perpetually single I am.

[purpleflower04]

Fanfiction Year in Review - 2020 by Purpleflower04

Yes, this’ll be fun! Thanks for the tag, @sing-in-me-oh-muse!

1 List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished:

I think it’ll take forever to link everything, even with only 22 works (ok, 21 of them are Miraculous Ladybug and the last is a Christmas Jelsa fic)

You can find them all here!

I suppose I could list out statistics.

As of January 2nd, 2021, I have:

22 total fics - 3 longer fics, and 19 one shots (one of them being Jelsa; same one as before)

3 longer fics - Broken Keys, Mended Strings (a collab I’m doing with @torilovesmiraculous,  As It Should Be, and  MLB: Uncertainty

9 Lovesquare, 2 lukanette, 1 (platonic) Adrichat, and 10 general ones (I didn’t count background ships)

2 Number of words written:

68231!

3 Your most popular fic:

No doubt, it’s definitely  Almost Disaster! It’s about Marinette handling Hawkmoth like a boss when the akuma gets into her purse, but can’t convince her to turn evil. Her classmates look at her in shock and fear as she makes remarks back to Hawkwkmoth. I think people like seeing akumanette/close akumanette out of curiosity for how she’d handle it.

4 Your personal fav:

Wow, that’s difficult… have to say  Kwami Freedom. The focus was on the Kwamis getting out of the miracle box without any productive reason, other than to be free and do whatever they wanted. They got to explore just about wherever and whenever they wanted to visit. Giving the kwamis freedom made me also feel free, and I enjoyed it most, even if the fic didn’t want to finish itself. It was still a fun journey!

5 Your fav scene:

Oh, how can I just pick one?? I don’t remember my fics to that amount of detail. It’s probably writing the encouragement in Almost Disaster. I never thought I could write savage Marinette, but I proved myself wrong. After that, I saw if I put my mind to it, I could write whatever I wanted to, without any real limits, only myself if I let it.

6 A fic or scene that challenged you:

It has to be Exposed,  which was my first fic exchange (and the only one I did as of now), and I got a challenging prompt where Alya figures out that Marinette is Ladybug, so she gives Alya something special to keep it a secret. At first I had to think about what this special thing is, but then I’m like, “oh yeah, she’s Rena Rouge, I’ll just permanently give her a miraculous,” especially since I like finding ways to give people miraculous permanently, so this was something we’d both like, which was a bonus!

7 A line of writing you’re proud of:

This is from Unknowing Love, and it was specifically when Chat Noir pretends to be Adrien, then detransforms. When he does, Plagg says something unusually deep, but funny (imo).

Anyway, here it is!:

“You know, take in my purrsonality and yours to make the charming, daring, hero of Paris, full of puns!”

8 A comment that touched you:

I’ve gotten so many comments that made me want to happily cry and just celebrate! It’s so hard to pick just one! This comment from Side Effect is just PERFECT, because I didn’t know I could make people feel this way from just a transformation:

“Okay, this was short and cute! And idk why, but the moment they transformed, I felt a shiver run through my body. Guess I felt the power of transformation too!”

9 Something that inspired your writing:

To keep going, it was the people in  Miraculous Fanworks Discord server that helped me out! If I had writer’s block, I would go to the sprint channel and just write. It worked so well, I also use it for writing school assignments (but that’s a little off topic). If I had a specific question about how I should continue my fics, I’d go to the writing channel. There was NO EXCUSE for writer’s block, and now I barely know her, fanfic or not, haha!

To start or continue? What inspired me to start was really just being bored and telling someone I wanted to write MLB fanfic, so they directed me to Miraculous Fanworks Discord server. I then asked for advice, and one of the people there was like “get a beta get a beta get a beta,” and so I did after finishing my first fic.

10 Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

Finishing Kwami Freedom for sure! It took forever for the fic to finish itself. I felt like I was so close, but then also the same amount away from finishing at the same time. It took weeks because I would only write around 100 words at a time.

11. Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

Yes! It would be to make a fic for someone who gave me so much advice and a heads up for difficult topics if I was taking one of the same classes as them. I’m using the one prompt they posted on the server previously mentioned and using a ship they like, so hopefully they’ll enjoy reading once I get to it! I am also aiming to finish Broken Keys, Mended Strings, make a soulmate AU for February, a songfic, and a Choose Your Own Adventure fic.

I’m surprised someone wants me to share my answers, but typing all this was fun, and I hope more authors do this!

I’ll tag: @enonimouse @dot-dotdots @ladycat1 (If I didn’t tag you, I either don’t know you, or I think you’ve already been tagged for this).

[spaceorphan18]

Kurt Duets Ranked

Part 2 of my Kurt Performances series, we move onto duets -- which will probably the least exciting of conversations, because this isn’t going to be much different than my Klaine Duets rankings.  I didn’t go check that, however, so we’ll see how I feel about them now that more time has passed.  

Meanwhile, the thing about the duets section is that while there are a ton of great songs in this one, it feels limited.  Glee didn’t like to stray from what it knew worked, and therefore, we get Kurt having only a handful of duet partners, and only two of them make up a majority of the songs.  It’s unfortunate that we didn’t get more Kurt and Mercedes duets, but even more unfortunate that Kurt didn’t sing with a larger variety of people.  I mean, could you imagine a season 4 Kurt/Santana duet? Or something season 1 or 2 with Kurt/Quinn?  Lots of possibilities, little room for experimentation.  

That said - I do enjoy a vast majority of these songs, and like the solos, most of them complement Kurt’s story nicely.  

Kurt Duets Ranked:

27. Candles (Original Song, 2x16)

You guys can’t seriously be surprised by this, right? As with all of these numbers, I went back to listen to see if I’ve changed my mind.  Nope.  And here’s the funny part - I actually do like this song.  But the arrangement, production, and context of this number is terrible.   My theory is that Original Song had so many songs in it that they were rushed to get this one done.  Coupled with the fact that that the arrangement was redone (by Darren? - idk, Darren’s usually better than this.) and probably rushed means that it was just sloppy by the time they got to production.  

From a music point of view, the arrangement is not complementary to either of their voices, and both of them clash on harmonies and go out of tune multiple times throughout the song.  On top of that, the emotion of the song is completely off.  It’s a break up song -- purposely more tailored for the Finchel story line at the time -- but doesn’t mesh well with Klaine’s getting together story.  It feels awkward and out of place, and one of those times where I think who ever picked this song made a bad choice.  

I know there are those out there who like it -- and that’s great! Don’t let me slow you down.  But it will remain a weak link in an otherwise solid discography.  

26. Get Back (Tina in the Sky with Diamonds, 5x02)

While this is way, way better than Candles, I do think it’s a weaker number for Kurt, and Kurt/Rachel, seeing that you’ll see they have some fantastic numbers coming up on this list.  Not a favorite Beatles song of mine in the first place, not helping is the fact that this song should have a grittier and harsher sound than either of these relatively more classically trained vocalists can give it.  

There is some fun with the choreography (weird NYADA piano tuning thing aside - that’s not how you tune pianos...), and Kurt and Rachel’s voices mesh just fine, but the rest of songs on the list just offer a bit more.

25. Memory (Old Dogs, New Tricks, 5x19)

This one is... rough.  And it makes me sad to say that about a song picked specifically by Chris Colfer.  For Kurt’s part, it’s a perfectly adequate rendition of Memory, though I think it lacks any of the deeper emotion that Kurt normally brings to his solos.  But marring it further is the addition of June Squibb (who doesn’t have the same caliber of voice) and the fact that the scene itself is a bit of forced sentimentality.  I get what Chris was going for in the script, but we’ve barely met these people, and they’re not memorable enough for us to get a tug on the heartstrings that this song wants us to have.  The scene just kinda falls flat. (I’m sorry Chris!)

24. Lucky Star (Old Dogs, New Tricks, 5x19)

I promise, I’m not picking on Chris, even if the two songs he specifically wrote for himself are down here at the bottom.  At least this one has more entertainment value even if I think it’s not a great performance.  Kurt flying around as Peter Pan is super cute, and the song choice works relatively well with the scene.  Once again, though, June Squibb’s Maggie is not a vocalist (And that’s fine - she’s a super cute old person), as well as this is bogged down in that weird sentimentality Memory was going for.  It’s not really good, but at least it’s entertaining.

23. Story of My Life (The Back Up Plan, 5x18)

On a list featuring the what works and doesn’t for Kurt’s performances, this one just... oy.  First of all, technically, the boys sound fine.  Their voices mesh just fine, as usual, though Blaine’s voice is better suited for these slightly melodramatic boy band numbers.  It’s a fine song to listen to in the car.  Watching the performance, though, is rough.  It’s done that way intentionally, to fit the context of the story -- and while it’s supposed to be comedic, to me it comes off as awkward and cringeworthy.  Kurt has some odd performance choices, but normally a good performer, and this makes him kind of a bumbling idiot for the sake of the story, to the point where I rarely ever watch this one.  I get what they were going for, and enjoy the song as just a song, but am not really a fan of the actual performance.

22. It’s Too Late (Jagged Little Tapestry, 6x03)

This one I definitely have some mixed feelings about.  The song is fine, albeit a little on the pop-y side, though that’s intentional for the theme of the episode.  And it’s the first time one of these songs directly commentating on the story that’s actually going on with Kurt.  On the one hand, the angst of the scene is played well, and these boys pining for each other works for this part of the story.  On the other, the vocals are a tad on the generic side (though these boys always sound great each other), and I’m still not sure I understand what was going on with the fantasy element during the middle of the song.  Still, it accomplish the feel the story needed, which is why it gets bumped up here.  

21. I Am Changing (New Directions, 5x13)

We only get two Kurtcedes duets on this show, which is a damn travesty.  But what makes it harder is this one is, well, a little one sided.  Mercedes freakin’ brings the house down with her half of the song -- clearly Amber Riley deserves all the credit she got for doing Dream Girls.  Kurt, on the other hand, sounds a little rough here.  I’m not sure if it’s because Chris’s voice changed during the show, and it actually got deeper, or if it’s due to the weird production values of season 5, but Kurt’s solo verse is a bit harsh and unrefined, and not in a good way.  Mercedes saves it and steals the show, and when the two come together they sound fantastic, but this one gets dropped a little further down because it’s just not a strong one for Kurt.  Add to that the fact that they’re trying to make Rachel and Santana be friends again, and the song is unfortunately a weaker one.

20. I Believe In A Thing Called Love (Frenemies, 5x09)

Look, I love Elliott, and I love that Adam Lambert came onto the show.  He and Chris had some great chemistry, which actually does show through this performance.  It’s fun and crazy and a bit out of Kurt’s normal repertoire, but that’s okay, because Kurt lets loose a little, and it’s really fun to watch.  No - Kurt can’t match Elliott when it comes to the heavier rock material -- this is much better suited for Lambert than it is for Colfer, and there are times when Kurt kind of gets overshadowed and out performed, but that’s fine.  We get to see Kurt pole dance - I think that’s justification enough to have it where it is on the list.

19. White Christmas (Glee, Actually, 4x10)

Believe it or not, out of the three Christmas duets Kurt and Blaine have, this is my favorite to listen to.  I love this song, and I love this arrangement.  They sound gorgeous on it as it highlights the strengths of their voices when singing together.  My biggest issue is, really, with the scene overall.  Look - it’s not easy choreographing people who aren’t used to doing routines on ice skates, and I get that.  But due to that fact, the performance ends up being a lot of shots of people who aren’t Kurt and Blaine, and that’s a shame.  The other two Christmas duets are much more in sync than this one, and this one is really being held back by the technical difficulty.  Still - I like the song, and the context that it’s in, which is why it’s as high as it is.  

18. Let it Snow (Extraordinary Merry Christmas, 3x09)

While lower than it perhaps deserves, upon watching it again, I know I’m placing it higher on the list of Klaine duets.  It’s an incredibly hard number to do with all the dance steps and vocal runs, and the two of them nail it while being in character as their characters and as the Christmas special characters.  I’m kind of in awe at the technical ability of this one, and it’s a shame the writers didn’t always play to Kurt and Blaine’s (and Chris and Darren’s) strengths.  It’s not a personal favorite of mine, nor does the song hold much weight with their story, but it’s an incredible embodiment of what makes Klaine - Klaine, and showcases how well they can work together when given really good material.  

17. You Make Me Feel So Young (New, New York, 5x14)

This is one of those songs that I go back and forth on, and really could write a dissertation on it, because I think there are a lot of elements both internal and external going on, which makes the onscreen performance... weird.  But I feel like that would get way too long for the likes of this already too long post.  So, I’ll say this.  Vocally, they sound fantastic together, which is why I think it deserves to be up there on the list.  It’s also one of the few times that we get to see genuine domestic Klaine being themselves with each other, which is also very cool.  My issues with the acting and directing of the scene are very nitpicky, and it all lines up with my growing consensus that one of the weaker elements of season 5 were the musical numbers, but if y’all want more, I’ll do another post on just this song specifically.  For now, I’ll just say that I enjoy the good things about the song, even if some of it leaves an awkward taste in my mouth.

16. Animal (Sexy, 2x15)

Animal is one of the few truly comedic performances Kurt gets to do.  Between the silly sexy faces, euphemistic foam, and overkill addition of plastic balls, it’s hard to take this one very seriously, but that is the point.  Both boys sound great on it, and it’s a lot of fun to watch -- being cringy in a good way.  I really don’t have any criticisms of it besides I just prefer the others on the list just a bit more.  But we’re getting into that territory where I think all of these songs are solidly good, and on any given day, I could rearrange the whole list.  

15. 4 Minutes (The Power of Madonna, 1x15)

The second, and original, of the Kurtcedes duets, this is the first time in the show that Kurt gets to turn his sexy on, and it’s really awesome that they give him the chance to shine in such a way.  Despite the fact that Kurt is doing the occasional weird hand gesture and choreography in this one, he and Mercedes play off each other incredibly well, and it’s a shame they never let these two really get to do anything once the juggernaut of Hummelberry came along.  No, the song isn’t the best for Kurt’s voice, but sometimes it’s the spectacle of what’s going on during the number rather than how it sounds.  

14. Love is a Battlefield (Tested, 5x16)

Showing that not all Season 5′s numbers were, well, not up to par as everything else, we’ve got this Klaine duet, which might be one of my favorite pieces of choreography and showmanship on the show.  I really don’t like the song, at all, which I know goes against the grain of a lot of you, but it’s a testament to how powerful this number is visually that I’ve ranked it so high. (It’s about anger sex guys, and more sexual than the scarcely few sexy time-ish scenes we actually got.)  The boys sound great on it, and the layered acting in it is pitch perfect.  I love this duet, even if I’m not a fan of the song.

13. Ding, Dong, The Witch is Dead (The Purple Piano Project, 3x01)

Well, there is a reason Hummelberry was what it became, and this showcases that to perfection. The song isn’t worth much story wise, but it does show just how wonderfully these two play against each other, as well as sounding great together.  This song is playful and light and the perfect showcase for what real talents they both are.  I have my issues with Hummelberry (really, I do) but I can’t deny that they’re standout performers together, and everything about this number comes together to show that off.  

12. Perfect (I Kissed a Girl, 3x07)

Look, this list is subjective.  Yes, there are a few that stand over the rest and a few that are really not that great, but most of Kurt’s duets, like his solos, are really all solid performances.  And I just happen to really love this song.  I’m not going to defend Blaine’s questionable rapping or the context this song is performed in the episode.  But what I will say is that I love what the lyrics have to say about Klaine’s relationship at the time, and the fact that they both (but especially Kurt) sound so great here.  Plus, I enjoy jamming out to this one in my car.

11. Daydream Believer (Dreams Come True, 6x13)

This just happens to be one of my favorite songs ever, and I’m so glad this got to be the last Klaine duet.  I have no issues about how well they sound together.  As cute as they are dancing with the kids, I do wish the context would have been totally different -- I wish that they were singing this to each other -- or their own child.  But I still think it’s a pretty meaningful song, and I love it, so here we are.  

10. Just Can’t Get Enough (I Do, 4x14)

I unabashedly love this song.  Sure the song is rather repetitive and is going on during other people’s plot lines, but every time I hear this one, I just want to get up and dance along with it.  The boys sound great on it, and they get to be rather flirty in the moments that the camera is actually on them.  If only the had more screen time, I probably put this one higher near the top.  

9. Somebody Loves You (Transitioning, 6x07)

A lot like Just Can’t Get Enough, this duet is flirty and adorable and I love everything about it. They sound great together and, as usual, play off each other well.  On top of that, the song itself plays nicely into the Klaine story of the moment, which I appreciate.  It’s not a perfect performance, but an incredibly enjoyable one, and that’s what matters.

8. American Boy (The Untitled Rachel Berry Project, 5x20)

Are either Kurt or Blaine suite for Rap and R&B? No, not really, but do I care? No.  As you’ve probably noticed, I love these flirty duets, this is one of the best ones.  Sure, they don’t really capture the style or tone of the original very well.  But they’re having a lot of fun out there and being adorable while doing it.  And Kurt simulates having sex.  I mean, do I really need to say more?  But really - I actually enjoy this song a lot, so there we go.

7. Popular (2009, 6x12)

This is easily the best performance of Kurt’s limited performances in season 6.  Kurt and Rachel haven’t head a duet together since Season Five’s Get Back (interesting right?) but they’re able to turn right back on the magic that was going on in the earlier seasons.  This song is near perfection -- the acting is solid, the performance is layered -- being both comedic and a commentary about the both of them, and they sound wonderful together.  This is truly a treat for the end of the series, and I’m a little sad the rest of the season didn’t put as much effort into its musical numbers.

6. Come What May (Girls and Boys on Film, 4x15)

The thing about Come What May, for me, is that it’s deeply a romantic song - and shot (intentionally) in a very movie-like way.  I love so much about this, from the staging, to the bit of flashbacks setting the tone at the beginning, to the misdirect and reveal that it’s really Kurt’s fantasy and not Blaine’s.  Vocally, there are a few weaker spots towards the beginning, but that can be overlooked when visually and lyrically there is so much wonderful things going on here.  I love when a performance can have layers to it -- and this one say so much about Kurt as a character and the head space that he’s in, while being deeply romantic without being vulgar, that it firmly takes a spot near the top of the list.  

5. Got to Get You Into My Life (Love, Love, Love, 5x01)

The thing that’s so great about good Klaine duets is their push and pull of each other.  This duet has a ton of that -- each of them playing against each other in such a flirty way.  They sound great, they look great, the number has a ton of energy, and the bright tone is a nice change from all the somberness that came along with season 4.  It’s a visual treat as well as a aural one, and nearly flawless in execution, which is why it’s ranked so high on the list.  

4. Rockstar (New, New York, 5x14)

Is this really one of Kurt’s best duets? Technically, probably not.  I don’t really care - I. Love. This. Song. Really, I listen to it all the time, and it’s just a song I never tire of.  It’s really Adam Lambert’s show, and Kurt is kind of dancing around like the littler brother of the rockstar that is Elliot ‘Starchild’ Gilbert.  And I do think Kurt and Elliot’s voices mesh rather well -- even if Kurt’s overshadowed a bit here.  But that’s all fine - because this song makes me happy for no other reason that it does, and that’s a fine reason to be near the top of the list.  

3. Baby, It’s Cold Outside (A Very Glee Christmas, 2x10)

I keep trying to think of reasons not to put this as the number one Klaine duets.  I keep looking at the list thinking that something else about one of the other duets will stand out more, and I just can’t.  This scene and this performance is damn near flawless.  I’ve already talked about this scene at length, and I really don’t have anything new to add, but here’s the thing -- this song sounds wonderful, the game of cat and mouse they play with each other is one of the best scenes on the entire show, and I can’t say enough at how brilliant and layered and amazing this scene is.  Hands down, best Klaine duet, and one of the best overall duets on the show.  

2. Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy (Duets, 2x04)

The thing is, about this duet, is that it’s iconic.  Just hands down iconic.  Not only were they able to take an old school mash-up done by Babs and Judy and make it their own, but they gave it the same amount of power and emotion the original had as well. I don’t think it’s easy to sit on a stool and make any kind of song engaging but these two are able to do it.  They sound flawless on a technically difficult song.  There’s subtly and nuance in the performance.  There’s balance and give and take. And contextually, it fits in nicely with where each of the characters are at.  On top of that, it’s a really great arrangement of these two songs in the first place.  I have nothing but good things to say about one of my favorite songs and favorite performances on the show.  And while Hummelberry has so, so many issues as a friendship -- their ability to make amazing performances together was not one of them.

1. For Good (New York, 2x22)

I went back and forth on what the order of the top three would be -- they could easily be interchangeable they’re all so good.  But here’s the thing about this one.  I feel like this one just takes an extra step up in, well, everything -- the performance level, the context, the layers of emotion woven through this song, it just hangs itself up a little higher than the rest of them.  Yes, Kurt and Rachel sound as good as they ever do -- playing off each other and meshing with each other brilliantly.  But this song is a grand musical theater piece that they pull off masterfully.

But on top of that... The weight this song has is given is higher than pretty much any other song on this list.  it’s a perfect fitting song that punctuates their paralleling journey throughout the season.  This song is a final statement and thesis of everything that became before it, and because of that, I’m ranking it as the best of Kurt’s duets.  

[elvendara]

MM Fluff Week 2020 day 4

Day 4: Accomplishments  ♡  Mysme Friendships

For @mmfluffweek

This one seemed a bit clunky, but IDK, hope you like it anyway!

Yoosung straightened his yellow bowtie yet again and ran fingers through his hair. He went back and forth on whether he should wear his hair clips. In the end, he put them on, after all, Saeran liked them and that’s all that mattered. They were silver with small diamond stars on them. A gift from the twins on his last birthday. Saeran had designed them and helped Saeyoung craft them. If he was honest, they were probably his most prized possession. Taking a deep breath and one final look at himself he nodded and walked out.

This was his only suit, but it had held up well. The sleeves might be a bit small now, he must have grown some, but otherwise fit properly. It was a deep blue that Saeran liked on him, which was a big plus. He was excited and a bit nervous, but he supposed tonight was probably not much different than an RFA party where there would be some wealthy and famous guests. Of course, Yoosung never actually had to mingle with those guests. His duties were more the backstage variety.

He stepped out of his apartment building to a waiting limo. The chauffeur nodded to him as he opened the door.

“Thank you.” Yoosung said.

“My pleasure sir.” The man closed the door as Yoosung settled onto the seat. He’d been in limos before, while accompanying Jumin, but never had one all to himself. It felt silly and wasteful, but Saeran had insisted. It took about fifteen minutes to get to their next destination. The chauffeur once more opened the door, this time to let Saeran in. The man looked stunning, taking Yoosung’s breath away. His red hair was slicked back, his mint colored eyes noticeably not hiding behind the fringe. The black eyeliner was expertly applied, as always, and his studded choker was around his neck. He wore a red Tshirt under a black coat, black jeans and his biker boots. How long since he’d dressed that way? Yoosung had to resist an urge to reach over and ruffle his hair.

Yoosung scooted over to make room for the man next to him, which he took. He turned to him and grinned, green eyes gleaming, but a little terrified as well.

“You look amazing.” He said.

“So do you, I’m glad you decided for this look.” Yoosung admired his boyfriend.

“Uh, yeah…not sure how it will go over though.” Saeran swallowed. Yoosung reached for his hand, it was sweaty.

“Nervous?”

“Shit yeah!” Saeran answered honestly. Yoosung laughed and lay his head on the other man’s shoulder.

“Don’t be, it’s going to be incredible, you’ll see.”

“I…I’m just afraid I’ll let everyone down.”

“You won’t.”

“I wish I could be as confident as you.”

“You don’t have to be, all of us are cheering you on, and even if nobody else likes it, we all love it!” Yoosung turned Searan’s face towards him and kissed him lightly. This was Saeran’s night and he was going to do everything in his power to make it a great one.

Saeran smiled, the tension in his body eased and he reached for the hair clips in Yoosung’s blonde hair. “You wore them.”

“Of course! They’re my lucky charm!” he giggled.

“I’m glad. And grateful for you, being here with me. I can’t imagine having done this by myself without you by my side.”

“You just needed a little push is all.”

“I don’t know. The man I used to be…well…”

“But that wasn’t the real you, it just took you a while to realize who you really are, without all that…uh…”

“It’s OK. I know you’re right. And I know that it will probably be a lifelong journey for me. But I hope you stay by my side.”

“Always.” They exchanged several more kisses before the limo stopped once more. When the door opened, Saeran stepped out into a few lightbulb flashes. He held out his hand for Yoosung, who took it eagerly. There was some media and some onlookers who looked more confused than anything, wondering if they were celebrities of some sort. His amethyst eyes blinked at the crowd, but Saeran only had eyes for him, placing his arm around his waist and leading them inside the art gallery.

The rest of the RFA was already inside, Jaehee and MC in stunning gowns fit for the Oscars. Jumin and Zen both handsome in their tails, Jumin in black, Zen in white, making an ethereal pair. Saeyoung on the other hand, wore a white buttoned long sleeved dress shirt with his regular black and orange hoodie, his hair in it’s usual disarray. Yoosung simply shook his head.

“Little bro! Making the fashionable entrance huh?” Saeyoung hugged him, and the others followed after. Saeran looked a bit awkward and uncomfortable but he handled it well.

“Mr. Choi. I’m so pleased you have arrived, there are several people who have been asking for you. May I take you from your friends?” The woman wore a black cocktail dress, her dark hair in a high tight ponytail, her grey eyes alert and determined.

“Uh…” Saeran stuttered.

“It’s OK, I think we’ll manage.” Yoosung shooed him away. Saeran nodded and let the woman lead him away like a trapped animal.

“He seems to barely be holding on.” Zen laughed sipping from his champagne goblet.

“Give him time, he’ll grow into it. V never much cared for the personal attention either.” Jumin said.

“But V used his charm effectively, I’m not sure Saeran has that same ability.” Jaehee said.

“No, but I think this really has helped him come out of his shell a bit more with other people. Although, I think he enjoys taking photographs because it allows him hide behind the camera.” Yoosung answered.

“Yep, but now he can’t!” Saeyoung laughed. “Can you believe my little brother has his own gallery showing? Not to mention all that social media blowing up over his photos! He’s going to be bigger than V ever was!”

“And I wonder who made that happen.” MC arched her eyebrow at her husband.

“Is it wrong of me to promote my little bro?” Saeyoung asked offended.

“No, but it might be to do it by hacking.” Zen laughed.

“Is that so? Hmm, remind me again, who reblogged onto all his own social media sites?” Saeyoung said.

Zen looked away without answering.

“It was something I never thought I would see, Zen posting something that wasn’t his face or body.” Jumin smirked. Zen slapped his arm but Jumin only laughed and pulled the man close, giving him a peck on the cheek.

“He did take some photos of me as well! I was only trying to help him.” Zen pouted.

“Absolutely my love.” Jumin nodded and went silent.

Yoosung was barely paying any attention as his eyes were on Saeran. In the last few years he’d come leaps and bounds from the man he used to be. There was still that hard shell, but once inside, there was a soft gooey center that was still so very fragile and vulnerable. He cherished the man, the good and the bad, and he was overwhelmingly happy that things were looking up for him. The photos he took were stunning. You couldn’t help but feel something when you saw them. Saeyoung was right, V was incredible, but there was a different perspective to the way Saeran saw the world. The truth of it. That while there was great beauty, there was also great sorrow.

After an hour Saeran finally made his way back to Yoosung.

“Can we go now?” he whispered in desperation.

“No, you promised you’d stay at least until ten.” Yoosung answered.

“What time is it now?”

“Just after nine.”

“Ugh…”

“Come on, why don’t you take me on a tour?”

“You’ve already seen them all.”

“Yes, but, I’d love to hear your perspective on them, you know, explain it to me as if I’ve never seen it before. Besides, it will give you an excuse to stay with me and ignore all these people.” Yoosung grinned.

“True!” Saeran’s eyes lit up. “OK, let’s start over there.” He took Yoosung’s hand and headed towards the center of the gallery. Yoosung didn’t move. “What?”

“I’m so proud of you Saeran.” Yoosung said, eyes glittering with happiness.

Saeran blushed and looked away, but there was a small smile playing around his lips. “You don’t have to say that.” He mumbled.

“I know I don’t have to. I want to. And I am, so very proud. And happy to be here with you. What you’ve done in incredible Saeran. You should be proud of yourself too.”

Saeran sighed and pulled the man closer. Yoosung was sure now, he had definitely grown, he was almost eye to eye with Saeran, if he hadn’t been wearing those biker boots, he might even be taller than the red head now. They embraced and kissed. Flashes exploded around them, but they were oblivious.

[hiirunakaarchive]

– to act in haste (3)

↳ Facts could never be disputed, but natural and insensible phenomenons like fate were fickle and ever-changing. Ethan hoped that maybe the outcome of this god-awful situation he was in right now could be fickle and ever-changing too.

↳  (pt 1), (pt 2), (pt 4)

◇ pairing: ethan ramsey x mc (haruna sakurai)

◇ genre: like 99.9% angst, 0.1% comedy (?) i hope that part of the story was funny man idk

◇ word count: 4.6k+

◇ tags: @aworldoffandoms, @perriewinklenerdie, @jooous​, @senseofduties​, @moteestro​, @anything-but-reality​

◇ author’s note: hey friends, i hope yall are staying safe and indoors during these strange times! classes have been moved online, so i’ve been writing and lo and behold –– part three to my series (which i finished a lot sooner that i expected :o) ! i was honestly writing this thinking it’d be the finale but the 10k word count was telling me smth else, so a FOURTH part is gonna be posted and THAT is gonna be the last one! also not to toot my own horn but i really, honestly, TRULY believe this third part is the best ive ever written, and i hope you guys like it as much as i do! like always, feedback is super appreciated and i’d be more than happy to add anyone to the tags! happy reading!

–

Dr. Ramsey was almost never wrong.

Almost.

And he hung on to that almost with a vice-like grip, that one in a million possibility that maybe this time, he could be wrong, and God, he had never wanted to be wrong so badly. But anyone with half a brain could put two and two together and figure out why his spiteful ex-lover stood in his office long after her shift had ended; white coat folded neatly and hugged against her chest with a sealed envelope at hand. Yet, despite knowing fully well what that letter being slid across his desk meant, he dared to challenge the inevitable truth. To let himself hope—

I could be wrong.

He took it in his hands carefully, and tore the envelope open.

Let it be wrong. Let it be wrong, let it be wrong, let it be-

”You’re resigning.”

He read it slowly and steadily, gathering himself with one long breath and the last sliver of calm he could find.

Over the course of the year, Haruna Sakurai had become some sort of a celebrity in Boston’s exclusive world of health care professionals, dubbed the perfect model to emulate in all aspects of being a doctor. She was as kind as she was intelligent, but unflinching in her righteous principles and a terrifying force to be reckoned with.

She was Edenbrook’s most valuable asset, yet the letter of resignation laying open on Ethan’s desk seemed to taunt him in ways that delved beyond a professional context. He regarded it hollowly, absorbing the great loss her departure would serve to the hospital, but also let his mind pathetically wander to the thought of where her resignation would leave the both of them.

It was silly and stupid, because they weren’t even romantically involved anymore. That tranquil period where they sat across from each other in comfortable silence, danced in his kitchen until they realized breakfast was burned, talked and laughed until they couldn’t breathe – it was such a distant memory that Ethan was convinced that it was nothing but a dream. 

It didn’t matter because she was slipping from him anyway.

“Losing you would be quite a blow to the hospital, Dr. Sakurai. Is there anything that would make you reconsider?” He had to be impartial. 

Convince her to stay. For the hospital, not for yourself, you selfish prick. No more of this lovesick nonsense.

He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her, and it was deplorable. The year Haruna spent on the fellowship had changed her. She stood taller, spoke louder, smiled wider, and Ethan convinced himself that losing her was a trivial price to pay for the success she so deserved. 

Haruna had grit her teeth and accepted his twisted gift, abandoning that whirlwind romance they had, and as compensation, acquired invaluable knowledge that no one could pry from her cold dead hands. She had so clearly moved on, thus, there was nothing left to do but for Ethan to make peace with it and follow suit. 

“I’m sorry, but my mind is set. It’s a...career move.”

Yet why did he still insist on making her stay?

“A career move? Dr. Sakurai, you do know that you’re employed at one of the best hospitals in the United States.” He pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose, and she rolled her eyes at his statement of the obvious.

“Of course I do, but our partnership with Panacea Labs has them trampling on every standard and principle that made Edenbrook one of the best in the first place.”

“I hate saying this as much as you hate hearing it, but that’s not something we can change.” Ethan sighed as he rubbed his temples. 

“I know, so I’m leaving before it disappoints me further.”

“Life in and of itself is a disappointment, Dr. Sakurai.” he argued. “We-“

“I’m going back to Japan.” She blurted.

Haruna bit her lip, bringing a hand to her face like it was a secret she meant to keep and just as suddenly as she said it, Ethan’s world stopped all at once. The clock that hung just above the entrance to his office stopped ticking. He saw Haruna’s lips moving as she continued to speak, but couldn’t hear a thing. Every joint in his body seemed to have froze and gone numb. Dead silence enveloped Dr. Ramsey to the deepest part of him that it could dig.

Dr. Sakurai’s confession rang in his ears like a siren, and Ethan wanted nothing more than to make it stop. The loss of what they had stung him to the point that he almost clutched at the imaginary ache of his chest, but despite that, he carried on. Seeing Haruna was never easy, but the dull sting at the sight of her served as a very real reminder that she wasn’t just a dream. That there once existed a period where Ethan loved a woman so much that he was no longer himself. She was real and tangible, and as long as she remained so, Ethan fooled himself into thinking he had a chance and the luxury of time in fixing what seemed to be irreparable.

You can’t fix this anymore. 

That cruel realization slapped him back to reality.

“-y parents are encouraging me to come home and work in their hospital. I’m hoping that it can offer me new and invaluable insight– Dr. Ramsey are you listening?”

Ethan lifted his gaze from the envelope on his desk and met her eyes. He stood from his office chair and planted his hands on the surface of the table, leaning forward.

“I’m listening. And what insight, pray tell, can the Sakurai Medical Centre give you that Edenbrook can’t?”

The tone of his voice adopted a subtle bitterness to which Haruna raised a brow. She uncrossed her arms, imitating Ethan’s pose and setting one hand parallel to his on top of his desk.

“It’s a new experience.” She responded impatiently, “A more challenging setting.”

“In the hospital that your parents own? How could that setting ever challenge you the same way we do here?” He continued to prod.

“In ways you couldn’t possibly hope to understand. Are we done here?”

“Not until you tell me the real reason why you’re resigning, Dr. Sakurai. You’ve made a name for yourself in this city, you’ve accomplished what thousands of doctors wished they could at your age. How could you leave that all behind?”

Here they were again, arguing, God, they were always arguing. Both of them were far too proud and far too stubborn to swallow their pride and back down. The only thing that seemed like a capable reminder to keep things civil was the mahogany desk that kept them mere inches apart. 

She placed a hand on her hip and leaned closer across the table.

“I think you’re taking things too personally, Dr. Ramsey.” Haruna accused.

She was close. Too close, and Ethan swallowed hard and realized he could never win against her.

He looked away, in denial. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Haruna scoffed.

“Really? Then look at me and tell me that I got this far so early into my career because of my own hard work. Tell me that every doctor in Boston would know my name even if you didn’t use your position to land me that spot on the diagnostics team even though I was in fourth place. Face it, Dr. Ramsey, you don’t want me to leave because it means that everything you did was for nothing.” She spat.

Ethan threw his hands up in aggravation. “Sakurai, this isn’t about me, god damn it! This is about you compromising a perfect career that–”

“You don’t know what it’s like!” She yelled, her voice resonating across the room. 

The sudden raise in volume took Ethan by surprise, and he bit back a response as Haruna scowled in an attempt to calm herself.

“You have no idea what it’s like...walking into that room everyday with doctors like you, June and Baz, and knowing that I’m not even supposed to be there. I come in here and see you and am just reminded that every bit of success I have now is because you loved me. Too damn much, if you ask me.” 

“You want to know the worst part of it all?” She laughed despite herself. “Acting like I didn’t enjoy every minute of that fellowship, when the truth is that I relished in it. I spent this entire year resenting you yet basking in all this knowledge and these opportunities that you gave me. Then I’d come in the next day and hate you a little less than I did the day before. One day, I woke up and realized that I probably never even hated you at all. If anything, I was...grateful.” She cringed as she said it, then looked at Ethan with contempt.

For the first time in a long time, it wasn’t directed at him, but at herself.

“Do you get it? I can’t keep working here, because the mere sight of you is proof that I’m just as greedy and self-serving as bastards like Declan Nash, and I’d sooner die than become a doctor so disgusting. If I can’t bring myself to hate you, then...” She trailed off and looked away, taking a deep breath to steady herself.

The revelation was all too much for Ethan to process, and his mind was riddled with questions. For over a year, he’d wake up in a cold sweat from nightmares of how she regarded him with immeasurable animosity. Was she trying to tell him that, that too, was a facade? A tense muscle in Dr. Ramsey’s jaw relaxed as he asked her quietly,

“Are you running from me, Haruna?”

“If I am?”

They looked at each other in a moment that seemed to end all too quickly, and the weight and meaning of what she said dawned on the both of them. Her eyes widened at the proclamation she mistakenly let slip and Dr. Sakurai snatched her letter of resignation from Ethan’s desk, starting towards the door.

“Never mind. Forget it.”

For a moment, he considered listening to her. To let her go like he’d always done. Every time they spoke, she always ended up leaving anyway. Ethan persuaded himself into believing that she was better off without him, but–

You are never going to have another chance after this.

And he realized, that the moment he let her leave that room, everything would really be over. He’d have to live with the regret of never having taken that final opportunity to mend what they’d both thought was unmendable, or at least try to. Would she have also wished that he’d tried to stop her?

“Wait...I said wait!”

Ethan bolted towards the exit, and Haruna froze in her tracks as he slammed the door back shut as she was about to leave. Her back was to him and his arm remained situated on the wooden surface, inches from her head.

“I need to know, Dr. Sakurai,” He breathed,

“Do I still mean something to you?”

Ethan heard her sharp intake of breath, taken aback by his sudden inquiry. Cautiously, Haruna turned to face him and that calm air of hers that always seemed so natural now looked like nothing but a brittle front to hold herself together.

“You do.” She admitted.

“I still love you, Dr. Ramsey. So much. I’ve loved you all this time but I-“

Her breathed hitched, and like a dam, she, and that distant and unbothered facade she was so adamant on maintaining, collapsed. Her cheeks were wet with tears and Ethan’s face fell as Haruna buried her face into her hands. He willed himself not to hold her.

She wouldn’t want you touching her. You don’t have the right. You don’t-

But against his better judgement he took her in his arms, and the solace he felt with the familiarity of this woman’s warmth, who seemed so small trapped against his chest, overwhelmed him with emotion. It had been so long since he last touched her, and both Ethan and Haruna knew that it may very well be the last. So he held her. He held her the way he wished he could have in the year that they didn’t speak. The way he should have held her from the start. And she let him.

He wasn’t sure if he could ever embrace anyone else the same way ever again.

“God, Ethan, where did we go wrong?” She sobbed.

He rested his chin gently on her head and didn’t respond, because he knew that nothing he could say in this predicament that they were in– no, that they’ve been in, would console her. Dr. Sakurai’s shoulders shook uncontrollably as she cried, and Ethan felt her go slack against him, holding her tighter as he lowered the both of them gently to the floor. 

***

She was in his arms for the next hour. Sixty minutes of pure silence, apart from her weeping, and Ethan could do nothing but comfort the woman. He looked up at the ceiling as Haruna sniffled, and couldn’t remember the last time she had let herself be so vulnerable in front of him.

“We can’t be together like this.” She finally spoke, her voice raspy from the crying.

“I-” Dr. Ramsey began, ready to argue. He knew better though, and sighed as he leaned his head back against the wall. “I know.”

“Good. So you know that you have to let me leave, then.”

He stayed silent in an attempt to avoid the question. Of course he knew that, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. If he did, he’d be acknowledging that this was for the best; and more often than not, the right decision wasn’t always the easiest.

“Haruna, I...” He started in protest, but paused as he felt Dr. Sakurai’s hand slide up to rest on his cheek.

He looked down at her, and wondered if he was being too transparent. If she could see how broken he was at realizing the choice they both had to make. She sat up a little straighter, still in Ethan’s arms and rested her forehead against his. Then she asked him quietly. Pleadingly.

“Please, Ethan.”

How could he ever say no to her?

So he responded wordlessly, tilting his head and bringing his lips to hers. Haruna met him halfway, and a year and a half of fierce self-restraint and inexplicable pining for the feel of each other erupted all at once. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer by the nape of his neck. Ethan cupped her face in his hands as he kissed her, softly at first, but every second that passed with her mouth on his summoned a tide of longing that he forced himself to keep latent all this time, and it only urged him to kiss her harder.

“I love you.” He groaned against her mouth. “God, I love you.”

She merely smiled at his reckless confession, holding him by the lapels of his coat until, Ethan, breathless, forced himself to pull away. He brought a finger below her chin and tilted her head up to look at him. Her eyes were red and swollen from the crying and her hair was disheveled from the moment of passion they just shared, but Ethan couldn’t recall ever being in love with her more than he was in that moment. 

“Haruna, marry me.” 

Her eyes widened in surprise. She looked like she was going to say something in protest, but Ethan continued in order to validate his outrageous request.

“Not now.” He interjected. “You’re going to go to Japan, and become the best damn doctor they’ve ever seen. Your success will be your own, and no one will ever remember that you were ‘The’ Ethan Ramsey’s protege in the first place because you’ll become someone a hundred times better.” 

Dr. Ramsey pushed himself off the floor, and pulled Haruna up following that. Her eyes had begun to shine with tears again, dangerously close to falling, and Ethan held her face in his hands. He offered her a comforting smile, but he wasn’t certain if it was meant to reassure her, or to hide his own brokenness.

“Then, if these god damn stars ever choose to align for us and we see each other again, however long that might take, we’ll get married. Is that clear, Rookie?”

She laughed through the tears.

“Crystal, Dr. Ramsey.”

–– 

Dr. Haruna Sakurai departed for Japan the following week. No one knew of her resignation except for the diagnostics team, Naveen, and her closest friends from intern year, so Ethan remained unbothered at the gossip that rang through the hospital when one day, she had stopped coming to work and no one knew why. 

After that evening where he vociferated that almost childish marriage pact, Dr. Ramsey and Dr. Sakurai failed to have another chance to speak. He was busy with his own doctorly duties and Sakurai was preoccupied with tying up any loose ends before she left for good. They’d merely pass by each other in the halls and their interactions alternated between a subtle smile, a curt nod, or a discreet brush of the fingers.

When Haruna accepted his poor excuse of a proposal, Ethan thought he’d convinced himself that it was going to be alright. That things would turn out fine because they parted on good terms and with the knowledge that they’d made the right choice.

So he had to pretend, and to an extent he never did before.  

Pretend like he wasn’t heartbroken at the fact that she didn’t say goodbye. 

Pretend like he wasn’t just as surprised as everyone else when he came to work and didn’t hear the sound of her voice by the nurses’ station like he would everyday.

The feigning of indifference had embedded itself so deeply into his routine that Ethan believed it was real. He readopted his strictly objective nature, like how he used to be before he met her, and just like that, his world went numb and grey.  

“I’m worried for you, Ethan.” Naveen sighed as he sat across Ethan’s desk, genuine concern written all over his face.

Dr. Ramsey didn’t bother looking up as he flipped through applications for the year’s new batch of interns. “We have hundreds of patients to treat and a budget cut that still needs to be solved. I’m not who you should be worried about, Naveen.” He replied dryly.

“My shift ended twenty minutes ago, my boy,” Dr. Banerji chuckled. 

“I’m not here as administration, I’m here as your friend. Now tell me, why are you acting this way?”

"Acting what way?” Ethan quipped, setting down a folder to give his mentor his full attention. “I’m not any different from the last twelve years we’ve been working together.”

“Completely and wholly devoted to your job, I know. But in the past twelve years I’ve known you, you’ve never been so...” Naveen rested his elbow on the armrest of his chair as he pondered for the right word. “Anesthetized?”

Banerji eyed Ethan carefully, almost strictly. 

“You’ve always been a workaholic, Ethan, but never to the point that you neglected your own health. You’re a walking contradiction as a doctor.”

Ethan knew he was right. If there was anybody in the world that he could never win against in an argument, it was his mentor and his mentee. The three of them were an elite trifecta with a unique bond equipped with boundless knowledge, and Ethan swallowed hard as he remembered her for the first time in the four months since she left. 

After coming to terms with her resignation, Ethan thought that their parting satisfied him enough to live on happily and assured of their love for each other. But the following week of being deprived of her presence and being reminded he might never see her again made Dr. Ramsey realize that it was stupidly naive of him to think so. This was nothing like the two months he spent in the Amazon, because he didn’t have that certainty of her greeting him when he inevitably came back. He was unsure of whether the stars really would align for them like he suggested, but certain that he’d never love anyone the same way he loved her. 

He drowned himself in work and almost stopped coming home. The bags beneath his eyes had grown so much more prominent, and four months of this self-negligent lifestyle had aged him more than twelve years of working as a doctor of internal medicine ever could. Of course Banerji had been the first one to notice.

“She’s there everywhere I go, Naveen.” Ethan confessed, unable to keep it to himself any longer.  

“Can’t even leave this damn office and grab a coffee anymore. I ordered my usual roast at Derry’s, and you know what happened? The barista snuck me a free espresso Romano! Told me, ‘for the other pretty doctor,’ and I almost lost it.”

Dr. Banerji stared in disappointment at his own pupil’s oblivion. He had given him too many invaluable lessons to count, but the one thing he never succeeded in helping Ethan understand was the importance of subjectivity. That sometimes even the most logical and calculated decisions were no match against the fickle loyalties of the heart. 

“Answer me honestly, Ethan,” Naveen dropped all hints of playfulness. 

“Do you regret letting her leave?”

–– FIVE YEARS LATER

“Do you regret letting her leave?”

When Naveen asked that question, the answer popped into Ethan’s mind shamefully quick. Accompanied with that epiphany, his world, the one that went numb and grey, began to scream altogether. The imaginary pain that once pricked him frivolously like pins and needles hit him all at once and burst into flames. Shallow incisions made to his heart with every thought of her and what could have been, transitioned into relentless, deep cuts that came at a pace faster than he could heal. 

Over the course of five years, Ethan stopped trying to fight it and left his heart to be mangled by the regret.

“Yes, I regret it.” 

Today marked his seventeenth year of working at Edenbrook, and Dr. Ramsey had lost count of how many batches of interns had come and gone. He still thought about her occasionally, when he’d see her friends in the hospital or at midnight in bed and alone with his thoughts; but time had done a fairly adequate job of healing that wound. Five years in retrospect didn’t seem that long, but it was enough for Dr. Haruna Sakurai’s face to blur and drown into the deepest recesses of Ethan’s mind. 

“He’s so freaking fine, but I swear he doesn’t have eyes.”

Making his rounds, Ethan’s brows furrowed irritably at the interns he caught gossiping in the hall. He tucked his clipboard under his arm, more than ready to reprimand them until a calloused hand caught him by the shoulder.

“Shhh. I want to know what they’re saying about you.” Ethan turned his head just enough to see that it was Dr. Lahela.

He never expected to grow close with one of her brother-like figures, but him and the surgeon spent too much time together at the gym, and Ethan grew fond of the younger doctor more than he cared to admit.

“You know Dr. Tremaine? The pretty one with a sixteen thousand follower count on Instagram? She asked him to dinner and he just walked past her like he didn’t hear anything.”

“You did not turn down Dr. Tremaine.” Bryce covered his mouth with a hand, feigning shock and Ethan retorted almost immediately with his own dry humour. 

“I think you forget sometimes that the thought of your best friend still torments me.”

“Right. Sorry.”

They turned back towards the young doctors, so deep into their conversation that the two didn’t even bother hiding anymore. Ethan leaned against the wall patiently as Bryce cleaned his stethoscope with an alcohol wipe he dug out from his pocket.

“Dr. Castillo’s brother did his residency here too, and rumour has it that Dr. Ramsey actually had a fling with an intern from his batch a couple years back.”

“Shut up. She must’ve been so hot if she could make Dr. Ramsey budge.”

Ethan leaned over to Bryce, unsure of why he was even following his request of keeping silent.

“My ears are bleeding, Lahela.” He aggressively muttered under his breath.

“Wait, they’re getting to the good part. You know how I love hearing Haruna’s praises sung– wait, Dr. Ramsey!” The surgeon’s voice faded as Ethan ignored his plea, beginning his march towards the rumourmongering interns. 

“–Super hot, super smart, and super scary. Apparently she punched Declan Nash in the face once.”

“Shut up! Who is she?”

“You know the one from the last issue of Times? Like, total medical prodigy? Asia’s top doctor who-”

“–Turned her parents hospital into Japan’s top research facility, I know the whole deal. What about her?”

“So, like, she used to work at Edenbrook right? Apparently-”

“You two, interns!” Ethan barked down the hall.

“Dr. Ramsey!” And his terrifying approach was drowned out by Harper Emery’s own voice and the loud clicking of her heels as she rounded the corner.

Complete, utter fear settled into the young doctors’ eyes as they realized that they were in the company of Edenbrook’s most skilled and accomplished staff, one of whom they were gossiping about. Their gaze darted between a cool and collected Harper, and Ethan, who was very visibly seething, and found they could look nowhere else but the floor. 

Harper and Ethan rekindled their friendship following Aurora’s transfer to Mass Kenmore. Harper realized that she wanted the fellowship more for Aurora than she did for herself, and thanks to the younger Emery distancing herself from Edenbrook and her aunt’s legacy, the women were closer now than they’ve ever been before.

“We need to talk.” Harper demanded, despite being aware of the tension.

“It might have to wait, Dr. Emery, I’m in the middle of something important.”

Harper stepped towards him and spoke in a voice low enough that only Ethan could hear, her tone demanding his full attention.

“Dr. Ramsey.” Harper repeated, more firmly this time.

Ethan sensed the urgency in her voice, and looked between his friend and the interns. Exhaling once, he shot them one more infuriated look before turning back the way he came and following his colleague. Ethan eyed Dr. Lahela expectantly as him and Harper strolled past.

“You're up, scalpel jockey.” And Bryce smiled excitedly, closing his eyes and getting into character before storming down the hall.

“Coffee must be one hell of a drug if I’m seeing not one, but two interns chatting ‘til kingdom come while they’re still on the damn clock! Both of you, names!”

Harper failed at containing a smile. “You’re a horrible influence, Ethan.”

He shook his head, repressing his own laughter. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. That pupil of yours wouldn’t leave me alone until I showed him the ropes of...what did he call it, ah– oral persecution. So what was it that you wanted to tell me?” 

“You and Dr. Hirata will be in attendance for a medical conference in Kyoto as Edenbrook’s representatives.”

He nodded in response, continuing to look straight ahead as they walked. “Hmph, like always.”

“And Dr. Sakurai will be present as the keynote speaker.”

[purplesurveys]

1085

survey by -egocentricity-

On Myspace, what was in the last bulletin you posted? I haven’t been on Myspace for well over a decade; and even when I was there I didn’t have any friends added nor did I remember ever posting anything. Friendster and Multiply were a lot more popular.

When and where was the last time you took a picture of yourself? I took a selfie last Saturday in the dining room. It’s of me holding up the vape pen that Andi lent me for the meantime to show Angela, since she wanted to see what it looked like.

Have you ever been scolded by a mall cop? I remember being lightly chided once when I was like, 7 – I was leaning on a glass wall of a store in the mall, so the guard from that store nicely told me to get back up to be safe. Overall, I don’t think I’ve ever exhibited behavior in public that should’ve gotten me into trouble.

How often do you catch yourself daydreaming? Definitely not so much these days. I need to keep being preoccupied with work or other things to do/accomplish since my daydreaming always seems to end with thinking of scenarios that now upset me, like, idk, happier times with my ex. I’m tired of letting that happen and always being upset in the end, so I try to avoid getting lost in my thoughts anymore.

What's your favorite thing to think about as you're falling asleep? Idk about you but thinking in general keeps my mind up and racing lol, so when I’m trying to sleep I do my best to black out my mind so that I can doze off.

Is there anything that you want to do, but won't because you're too afraid? So I went to college with this girl - I believe she’s several batches older - who, as soon as she graduated, set out on a hitchhiking journey across the world. She’s been doing it for four years, and I believe she has finally made it to Europe after being stuck in Kazakhstan for a year due to Covid. She’s amazing and her spirit is so fucking beautiful. She has a Facebook page that I actively follow detailing her experiences; but as great as her journey has been, I don’t know and I highly doubt that I can set out for such a demanding, commitment-heavy challenge myself.

Who was the last person to yell at you? My mom is the only person who does that, but she hasn’t done so in a while.

Who gets up the earliest in your household? The latest? My dad, since his work starts the earliest. I will sometimes hear the car engine purring by 5:45 AM. The latest would be my sister, since she stays up the latest as well. I think she’s up by 8 AM, but she doesn’t show up outside of her bedroom until 10 or 11.

Have you ever had a pet walk across your keyboard while you were typing? No, and I am glad that’s the case because both of my dogs are too big and I fear that they could actually snap my laptop in half.

What political issues do you think deserve less attention/worry? No political issue deserves any less attention than others. Political issues always mean that someone is on the losing end and I don’t think it’s fair to compare and decide which ones can be put on the backseat. 

Anyway, I do believe it’s not so much the issues that should be compared, but the people in politics who are given the spotlight. Here in the Philippines especially, a lot of celebrities want to have their own political careers (and usually win a seat) despite their zero experience and the media gobbles that shit up all the time, which is disgusting. Related to this, I hope the media makes a consicous effort to wipe Trump out of the headlines once he’s out of office.

Which political issues are you most passionate about? I dunno if I can measure that since I’m pretty vocal about a lot of things. What I can tell you is that in the political issues I have a say in, I always side with the marginalized and the oppressed. IPs, POC, LGBTQ+, immigrants, factory workers, jeepney drivers, contractualized employees, activists, student-activists...my heart has always been with them and their cause.

You're going to your favorite foreign country; what landmarks do you go see? I’m not sure if I have a favorite country, but I’m very picky about landmarks in general anyway. I’d rather experience the local life and eat at smaller local places and go to lesser-known beaches and stuff.

What is the longest amount of time that you have spent away from your home? A little longer than a week, and this was usually when I traveled abroad.

Did the last movie you watched have any emotional effect on you? Yeah, so much so that I was unable to finish it and I had to show up at dinner while still fresh from crying.

What motivates you to go to school? Not applicable to me anymore, but I suppose this can be easily rephrased to mean work. Honestly, my main motivation is the desire to have a perfect record at work lol. I’m super neurotic about this and I hate the idea of being absent or late. Money comes second; I rarely buy stuff for myself so I mostly don’t even realize the money coming in to my account every two weeks. Then third is the desire to be good at my job because I do want to get promoted and rack up more positions as I go along.

How much caffeine have you consumed in one day? The most cups of coffee I’ve had in one day is 3, and that was not an enjoyable experience ha. Right now, I’m on my first cup of coffee.

Are you more hyper and up-tight, or laid back and relaxed? I guess it depends on the situation. I can definitely exhibit either, but my behavior will vary based on the people I’m with and/or how comfortable I am in a certain situation.

When was the last time you heard someone talking about you? Around a week ago. My parents were having dinner separately and I heard my name being mentioned in a few sentences.

How did you pick out your last outfit? I wanted an outfit that was chill and easy to carry around, but would still make me look like I put some effort into picking it out.

When buying shoes, what do you look for in the product? I admittedly like brand names, so that’s the first thing I look at. I also like to keep up with what’s trending, so I look at items in a brand’s catalog that I see more and more people wearing. If it matches with my own personal style, then I keep an eye on it/purchase it altogether.

What happened to cause the last mess you made? The last and current mess I have on me is my work desk, which I’ve since abandoned in favor of my bed + portable desk as my new workspace. Idk, over the Christmas break I just ended up stacking up so much shit on the desk until it became a little too cluttered. I’ve cleaned it up here and there to make the space look neater, but there’s still a lot of stuff.

Are you embarrassed to bring people into your bedroom? Not embarrassed; I just find it unnecessary. My bedroom is too small to host guests and the only times I’ve let someone in there is when I had a significant other. I prefer people to stay in the living room.

When was the last children's birthday party you attended? It was my third cousin Isabella’s 7th birthday party at a Jollibee. Her family has been living in Australia for a while, but I guess they wanted to host a party with their Filipino family so they flew back here to stay for a few days. Because she is my third cousin and because she’s been living in Australia all her life, I don’t actually have any sort of relationship with her lmao but I still made an effort to greet her and stuff.

Are you good at reading other people's body language? Yes, to the point that it contributes to my overall anxiety.

If you're sick, do you go to school or do you stay home [usually]? I rarely get a fever so when I do it feels like actual death. For that reason, I usually have to skip the day and focus on feeling better.

Does chicken noodle soup really make you feel any better? I never had it whenever I’ve felt like crap in the past. I don’t really like soup though, so on a personal level I doubt it would have any effect on me.

What is one meal that you like to eat whilst sick? I don’t have a go-to meal because again, I rarely get sick.

Think of the last survey you filled out; did you enjoy it? Sure, it was easy to digest and it’s the kind that you can take over and over again.

Have you ever fed bread to ducks or geese? I’ve fed bread, but to fish in the sea; not ducks or geese since idk if we have either here other than in zoos. In our trip to Mactan in 2010, I remember how we were allowed to pay a certain small amount to get bread from the resort and proceed to feed the fish swimming around in the beach.

Is it hard to imagine you were ever as small as a 1-2 year old? Yeah, I definitely feel that way sometimes.

What set the tone for your mood today? Eh, I wouldn’t say I had an overall mood today, honestly. It was a normal day at work, maybe a little more uneventful than other days; and I was on top of my tasks so there wasn’t anything to dread or worry about. I was just concentrated on getting the day over with and wasn’t strongly attached to any emotion.

Have you ever set out to ruin someone else's day? I don’t think so.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was against you? It happens sometimes.

The name of the last video game you played? Mario Kart 8 probably? It’s been a while but it’s all I play if I do play a video game, so it’s a safe guess.

The name of the last board game that you played? We whipped out my old box of Trivial Pursuit last November when we didn’t have electricity and internet because of the typhoon.

What was the last thing that you told yourself? I don’t remember the last time I talked to myself, but like two minutes ago I was starting to feel sad so I silently reminded myself to think of positive things.

How many times a day do you wash your face? At least once, in the morning before I start work. I’ve learned that cleaning myself up, even if it’s just splashing water on my face, super helps if I want to start working in a good mood.

Do you remember your D.A.R.E. officer's name? I didn’t have one of those, anddd I’m sure we didn’t have that program here.

Someone throws hot coffee on you; how do you react? It’s taken me a whole goddamn week to finish this survey, lels. Anywho... I think out of instinct I would scream out in extreme agony first? And I’d probably spend the first immediate seconds to try and process what just happened. I don’t know if I would fight back because I’m pretty sure the burns would be hurting too badly for me to focus on revenge.

Is there a high school or college that you would rather be attending? I attended one school from kindergarten to college, and I can’t imagine having attended anywhere else. I had one dream university and I ended up attending it.

Have you ever lived in an apartment or duplex home? Yes, both. My parents lived in an apartment for a few months when I was a newborn. From ages 2-10 I lived in my childhood home, which is actually a duplex. The other house belongs to my grandpa’s late sister and her family.

Has anyone ever commented on your weight? Sure, but I care so little about my weight that they don’t really have an effect on me. The most common one I get is to “eat more.”

Where do you stand when it comes to sexual intercourse? Erm not really lmao. Just do it?? Idk. And just make sure consent is mutual and that you aren’t doing it out of pressure.

Name a show from the 90's that you miss? I guess ‘miss’ is the wrong word since I never watched it while it was ongoing, but I do love Friends. I’m excited to see what they have planned for the reunion episode.

Who provokes your sarcastic side the most? Bad co-workers, but luckily I haven’t had to pull that side of me in a while.

Have you ever thought about joining the military? Never.

When you were little, did you ever stare at disabled or "different" people? Being a kid, I probably did but never thought anything of it during those times. My mom certainly would’ve whooped my ass if I tried to comment anything mean or be a smartass.

Could the contents of your bedroom get you in any trouble? The one thing that would piss my mom off are my vape pens. I still have Gab-related stuff in my room that I’m too lazy to throw out, but I doubt I will get into trouble from those anymore because there has been no relationship to speak of in the last four months.

Do weather patterns sometimes have an effect on your health? Not on my health, but on my mood.

If it snows a lot where you live, do you experience cabin fever? It doesn’t, so idk what this would feel like.

When was the last time someone disapproved of something you were doing? Not entirely sure; this hasn’t happened in a while. Admittedly, as a people pleaser, I thrive on doing what people would want me to do lol.

How good are you at getting along with other people? On a scale of 1 to 10, probably a 9? I’m super nice to everyone and in the end it only really boils down to whether I have chemistry with them or not. If I fail to feel comfortable around someone I’m more likely to stay formal, but I do try to be lively and crack jokes with everyone as much as I can.

Do you consider yourself to be approachable? I want to be and I always try to come off as such, but my resting bitchface hurts that chance sometimes haha.

Do you know anyone that's a little emotionally unstable? Uhm, no one comes to mind.

Have you ever felt like you were going out of your mind? Yes.

Has anyone ever suggested that you might need "help"? I don’t recall being told this by anyone before. But with the way I broadcast my anxiety and sadness from time to time, I’m sure people have thought of it.

Do you take offense to things easily? Yeah you can say that. I’ve always been more sensitive than most.

How do you respond to cheesy pick-up lines? As with any pick-up line, I inwardly roll my eyes and move on.

Do you like to give people a taste of their own medicine? It’s such a waste of time and energy for the most part, so no. But if I feel petty, I have no problem doing it.

How was the service at the last restaurant you visited? It was...fine. Nothing to write home about. It was unlimited Korean barbecue and they actually had a system in place where they gave us a link to some internal website they kept, and we could simply order from there to minimize contact with the servers. I will say that I never got the kimchi jjigae I had ordered, but it was fine because I was full by then lmao.

Are you ever jealous of happy couples? No. I mean, I guess I’m reminded of my loneliness when I see couples in public, but I don’t get jealous or angry. I just shake it off and try to focus on myself.

Describe a thought that is sticking with you today? That I can’t wait for Friday.

Lately, who has spent the most time on your mind? I’ve been thinking more of my anxieties than certain people, tbh.

In a car: air conditioning, or roll the windows down? Air conditioning. Though sometimes it’s nice to have the windows down, especially when I’m driving within my village or up a mountain.

When was the last time you did anything to your playlist? I made an angst-themed playlist over the weekend.

Is there a new song or band you've discovered? Massive Attack. Hayley Williams did a super great cover of their song Teardrop, so I checked out the original version which I also ended up enjoying. Olivia Rodrigo too, who I found out is part Filipino yay!

Which teacher gives you the most homework? My Journalism Ethics professor will probably rank the highest on this list.

What type of personality do you find most annoying? Idk, condescending ones maybe? There are a million kinds of personalities lol, but yeah I hate those who make you feel dumb, and feel good about doing so.

How did you hear about Bzoink? If my memory serves me correctly, my 10 year old self just wanted empty about me surveys to answer. Bzoink was always one of the first websites to come out if I searched for surveys on Google.

How long did it take you to sign up for an account - if you have one? I don’t think I ever made an account on there since I was too shy to share my answers.

Are you punctual? Yes, very.

Have you ever howled at the full moon? No.

Have you ever seen yourself on camera? Like if I’ve seen photos of myself??? I would be very surprised if anyone can say they haven’t.

Do you give any consideration to what's said in your horoscope? No.

When was the last time you felt like you were being followed? This has never happened before, thankfully.