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amerrierworld · 3 years

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Take the Silence Away

for the request: Lou Miller helping fem!reader with her depression

Summary: You thought you’d be home alone to deal with your feelings, so when Lou arrives, you’re worried you’ve screwed up entirely.

Characters: Lou x fem!reader

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: mention of depresssssionnnnn, mental health issues, general sadness and whatnot, self-degrading talk

Nobody ever talks about when the lowest points hit on the brightest days. But you were getting quite acquainted with the concept.

The windows were open, you could hear car honks and children laughing. The sun was shining directly on your face. There was a smell of spring in the air and you should have felt absolutely fine. The day could not have looked more perfect if you looked outside.

But Lou was forced to cancel your lunch date, and somehow that had you crumbling where you stood. You couldn’t remember the reason; it didn’t matter. She wasn’t coming today. You knew she didn’t have a choice, and weren’t mad at her. You were mad at yourself, for reacting the way you did.

Wearing your cutest, most attractive dress, hair done up and makeup flawless. You really should go and change. But you couldn’t get up out of the bed that you had collapsed in when you had finished your phone call.

Was it really all that bad? No, seemingly not so. But your brain didn’t quite agree with that.

Tears had smeared your mascara half an hour ago. An hour before that your hair had slipped from its stylings. You had been starving for lunch with Lou, but you hadn’t budged to eat at all since.

Were you weak? Weak for getting so despaired when one good thing fell out of place? Was there something else you should have been paying attention to?

It didn’t matter, you decided. Nothing mattered, right? Nothing but numbness. It was something you were accustomed to.

There were birds chirping close to your window, and it made you turn your head only slightly, but you were too late to see what birds. You caught a wing flapping before they disappeared, and sighed in exhaustion. Missed that too.

You don’t know how long you stayed in bed like that. Did the phone ring? The front door? You didn’t notice if it did.

Your eyelashes felt crusty from the dried tears and makeup and it irritated your skin. You aggressively rubbed your eye until it was sore and blurry, and your fingers came away with smudged makeup. Oh right, you were wearing makeup.

The ceiling really wasn’t that entertaining. Maybe you should get out of bed, put on your pj’s and just crawl back in bed. Or sleep in the bathtub- the couch? Heck, the floor would be just fine. You deserved it, you were sure..

The sound of the front door opening caught you by surprise, but you didn’t budge. An intruder? Good. Let them take what they want, you couldn’t be bothered anyway-

“Guess who?” a voice called out.

Your head shot up. You tensed your body like you wanted to leap out of bed at the sound of Lou’s voice- oh it would be nice to see her, right?

But no, you looked like a mess. Fuck. There were footsteps approaching, she always knew where to find you. You wouldn’t have time to fix yourself, not this time.

You sat up and rubbed a little harder at your eyes, knowing it wouldn’t do anything to hide the puffiness and smeared eyeshadow. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. You didn’t want her to see you like this-

The door creaked open and you rushed to sit, perched on the edge of the bed, forcing a smile.

“Guess who got us dinner?” Lou was grinning, holding a few plastic bags. You could smell the takeout where you were sitting, and your stomach grumbled.

The sight of her made your heart burst. She looked impeccable- her hair swept by the wind, looking rosy-cheeked from the bike ride. Her shoes were off, and she was wearing a pair of ugly, disgustingly coloured socks. Socks you recognized that you bought her as a joke, because it never would have gone with her fashion sense, but that she wore anyways. You felt yourself choke up.

“Hey, baby. Everything all right?” her voice was riddled with concern, and your stomach dropped with dread. You hated making others worried, hated to see them sad, hated-

“Yup. I- uh, fell asleep,” you said. ��Guess it was a good idea to cancel lunch.”

You let out a huff of dry laughter, but Lou wasn’t having any of it. She put the takeout bags on the ground, and disappeared into the closet. You sat there, startled for a moment, and wondering what she was doing.

She came out in a fuzzy cow-print onesie, and had another zebra-print onesie in hand. There was a clear intention in her eyes, and you would’ve ran out the room if you had had the energy.

“You are not making me wear that,” you laughed incredulously. They were kept in the back because neither of you ever wore them, until now. Her eyebrow raised and with lightning speed, she was on top of you, making you shriek.

“Lou! Lou, oh my god, what are you-” you burst out in a fit of giggles as she tickled your sides, flailing your limbs. She managed to worm the bottom half of the onesie onto your body. You wheezed with laughter, out of breath.

“Okay, okay okay.” You finally relented, letting her take off your dress and zip up the cozy onesie all the way. She tugged the hood over your head, letting your zebra ears flop and you rolled your eyes, smiling.

Then she leapt off the bed and grabbed the take out. She precariously balanced it on the bed before sitting on it, and tugging you to sit in her lap, legs intertwined.

Without another word, she kept you in that position as she passed you your takeout box, the familiar, amazing smell of your favourite meal making you light up. She rubbed a hand along your leg without another word as you dug in, realizing how hungry you were, and that Lou somehow had managed to order the one thing that got you eating.

You ate in silence for a little while, sitting in Lou’s lap in your cozy outfits. Though it was quiet, there was calm, and you actually found it quite relaxing.

“Do you wanna talk about anything?” Lou eventually asked, mouth full of food. You stilled, looking down at your plate. Your fingers began trembling a bit.

“I-” You hesitated. But then, Lou’s hand wrapped around yours and she squeezed firmly.

So you let it all out. Your stresses, your fears, your numbness. Halfway through, Lou was blinking back tears, and so were you. When you could no longer form coherent words and were choking out sobs and half syllables, Lou wrapped her arms around you tightly and tugged you close. Eventually she slowly fell back onto the mattress, with you holding on like a small koala bear.

“If you’re worried that now you’ve scared me off, don’t be,” she eventually said, once you sobs had subsided somewhat. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Your throat was hoarse and dried up, and you buried your nose in her neck. “You have every reason to leave me.”

“That’s not true.”

She nudged you until you pulled back to look her in the eyes. “I have every reason to stay. If you’ll let me. And talk to me about things, when they get bad?”

You could have saved both of you from so much turmoil right at this moment. Now that she knew, you could send her away with a good reason; that your emotions were not up to par, that she didn’t deserve this.

But your heart ached with love. And you wanted her so desperately, in every way. Even when you were numb, Lou was a sweet, calming reminder of everything you needed to go after when things got dark.

And you nodded, promising something you never thought you had the strength to do. To be open with someone. Lou smiled, kissed your cheek, and pulled you even tighter. Your full belly and exhausted tears easily sent you into a deep sleep, with her rubbing your back and keeping you warm.

A/N: brb crying

@ the anon who asked for this i hope everything is going alright in your life, i hope this helps, i hope you will find ways to help yourself and realize how worthy you are to enjoy this wonderful thing called fuckin’ LIFE <3 (and that goes for alllll of you who are reading this too okay)

#lou miller #lou x reader #lou x you #lou #ocean's eight #oceans 8 #ocean's 8 #cate blanchett #cate blanchett x reader #lou miller x reader #reader insert #merry writes #wlw

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thedancingcrab · 3 years

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This week marks mental health awareness week. I don't know how much a social media post really does.. Maybe nothing at all. But I'd like to start this off in saying that I've become a lot more confident in my body since I let myself gain weight instead of holding onto the idea that I should always be slim to be considered attractive. And let me tell you why.

This past year and probably years and years before that I've had to put so much time and energy into healing. It's been one of the most exhausting processes but also so rewarding at the same time. Because I can tell you this whole heartedly. I now like myself. No. I love myself. I love everything that I am and what I've become. But this wasn't an overnight process. It's been painful, I've had to confront a lot of my wrong doings, mistakes and negative thoughts about myself to get to where I am now. I had to find hobbies. I had to pour my energy into other things than myself. Because honestly. When you die, no one's gonna think about how beautiful you were. They might say it, but they will focus on how you were beautiful in other ways. Maybe how you lit up the room with your smile. How you were so positive and how much they miss your energy.

A hobby I've found in this past year is cycling and going hiking and it's done wonders for my mental health. Because I started worrying less about what my body looks like and more what it can actually do for me. I have legs that allow me to walk up mountains. Not everyone is that lucky. I live somewhere where I get to see some of the most beautiful sights in the world (Wales isn't a shithole trust me there really is incredible places). We hardly ever criticise how nature looks so why do we do it to ourselves? Another thing I've noticed as well is that the only person who really says bad things about my appearance..is me. Nobody really cares. People are so focused on themselves and what they're doing. I used to get told I was ugly in school all the time. Even by girls who were supposed to be my friends. But I refuse to carry the weight of those opinions with me around anymore. Maybe I didn't look the best in school, but it wasn't my focus. I was quirky and I owned that. But I didnt have the self awareness back then that I do now. And the weight of those opinions got on top of me so much, until they became a problem and I found myself with an eating disorder and I stopped eating and increasing the amount of makeup I wore cause I thought that was what happiness felt like. Skinny, glamorous. It didn't get any better.

I convinced myself I was happy whilst I ate sugar free jelly and low calorie ice cream. But it was hell and I'm so glad I know what real ice cream tastes like now. As for my face, it's nice to let it breathe every now and then as well. I'm beautiful with no makeup on and I'm beautiful if I want to wear it. But I don't always feel that way. I still have bad days and there's still that voice somewhere that tells me I'm out of shape and should maybe increase my exercise and eat a bit better. It will probably always be there. When you've struggled with your body perception for years I'm not sure it ever quite goes away. But I also recognise when those thoughts come up now and it's easier to flick them away. Cause I know there is so much more to me than how I look and I get so sad when others don't have that awareness too cause I've been there and I know what it's like to have your appearance consume your mind day in and day out. I think all the women I've compared myself to over the years are dealing with the same thing. Maybe when I was comparing myself to the girl that had the body type I wanted and the face I'd love to have she was also dealing with the same battles of her own. The only person we should be comparing ourselves to is the previous version of ourselves and how much we've grown or will continue to grow. We don't know what others are dealing with at the end of the day. And just because someone looks like you want to look doesn't mean they're better than you in any way shape or form. You don't need to be pretty like somebody else you need to be pretty like you. Cause nothing compares to that. If there's anyone else that I know who is still battling with what feels like a never ending hell of not loving yourself.. Here's some tips I've learned along the way that really help me.

- Try to stop mirror checking. I say try, because I still do now and it's a work in progress. When you find yourself doing it, create some distractions. Think about other things you have to do. I guarantee your washing basket needs sorting out right now. I can guarantee something in your room or anywhere else needs tidying and fixing. Go and sort it. We can't change our bodies in an instant, but we can sort out those mundane tasks we keep putting off and it's way more fulfilling when you do one of those tasks. Trust me I have plenty...

- The next time you go outside, look around at people. Is anyone really focusing on you? Probably not. They're probably focused on themselves. Or their dog if they're out walking them (I'm also trying to focus less on myself and the cute dogs I get to see when I'm out). Another thing.. Acknowledge what you're doing in that moment. We get to use our legs, our legs are allowing us to walk and see daylight. Not everyone is that lucky as I mentioned before. Okay maybe my legs weren't as skinny as they used to be but seriously who cares. There are so many other things I can be focusing on right now and you can too.

- Again another work in progress but seriously I'm working on it and it's getting better. When people compliment you, stop trying to find reasons on why they're wrong. Because if they turned around one day and told you everything you say to yourself on a daily basis it would break your heart. Trust me it would. But the people who love you don't think those things and they never will. Because if you asked them what they like about you the most your appearance won't be one of them. Maybe your partner will say something jokey and sweet about it. But trust me, it's not what they love about you the most. Other things are far more important. And they probably love you because you make their life so much more bearable in some form. We all have our own problems. Think about how much you add to that person's life when they're facing struggles of their own. I guarantee, you will be able to find at least one thing.

- No food is a bad food. We can all have too much of something but that goes for every kind of food. And exercise is amazing for our mental health but it doesn't mean we have to over indulge in it just because we ate 'bad' for a few days and now we feel guilty. Be kind to yourself in those moments. Once again it's another work in progress for me too. I pretty much eat whatever I want when I want now. But there's still that voice in my head. They're a bit annoying at this point I don't know whether I should give her a name.. Maybe Ursula cause she was my least favourite Disney villian. Ursula just needs to piss off sometimes. I went through years of restricting myself and I don't wanna do it anymore.

- Let people take pictures of you. I know. Its terrifying. I still hate it now. But one day all people will have of you is a memory and that picture you hate of yourself so much might be their favourite. In this day and age all we ever get exposed to is picture perfect filtered people who probably shaved off half of their thigh with some editing programme like face tune or whatever it's called. Then someone takes a normal picture of us and we zoom in on it and start criticising ourselves from our face all the way down to our toes. We start asking people to put a filter on us before they take the picture because anything is better than being confronted with our real selves. I just don't wanna live in a world like that anymore. I'm still guilty of doing it myself from time to time, but the less people do it the better. I'd love to start being more of an advocate for that.

When you put your phone down and get into the real world and it's something I've started making more of a cautious effort to do lately, everyone just looks normal!! Everyone has textured skin, everyone's got pores, people have oil, people have spots, people have dry skin. Maybe some are better at hiding it than others. But it's just skin. Thats literally it. Social media has warped our brains into thinking we're not good enough cause we don't look like the person who's completely cellulite, pore and acne free in their gym gear living their best life. But in all honesty, they probably don't look like that either. I'm not saying people can't, but the tiniest bit of editing can go into a photo and we think it's realistic. And they're probably insecure about something as well. Don't compare yourself to images that aren't real life. I know it's hard. Once again I still do it myself. But we can make a cautious effort to realise when we're doing these things and implement little changes on how to stop.

If you got this far and read all of this, then thank you. It means the world. I hope I was able to maybe get you to think about life in a different way and maybe.. Just maybe more positively. If not then thank you for reading anyway! I hope we can all stop being so unkind to ourselves one day. 💚

#Me #Ginger #Redhead #Mental health awareness week #Mental health #Body dysmorphia #Eating disorders #Anxiety #Insecurity #Weight loss #Gaining weight #Happiness

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nastybuckybarnes · 4 years

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Bad Dream - Eight

Pairing: Dark!Steve X Reader

Summary: A year after wiping your memory and keeping you for himself, Steve Rogers is happy. Happier than he’s ever been. With you and your daughter, life couldn’t be any better. The only problem? You’re starting to remember things.

Warnings: Angst, Language

Word Count: 1.5K

A/n: I might be posting this a little less (I hardly post it as it is) just cause it’s such a hard mindset to be in while writing this. So for my mental health I’m gonna be taking some breaks from my dark fics and finishing up my other wips

!!!THIS IS A DARK FIC WITH SEXUAL AND TRIGGERING CONTENT!!!!

MADNESS MASTERLIST EDITED POORLY! BAD DREAM MASTERLIST

~*~

"This isn’t right, Buck. You know it’s not right. The way he’s been treating her... we have to do something.” The brunet shakes his head, sighing heavily. “He treated her well before she started remembering. I think we just need to wipe her again.”

Natasha groans, glaring at her partner. “And how often are we supposed to wipe her?! Is it gonna become an annual thing? Kinda like a birthday party? No! That’s expensive, it takes time, and it’s damaging. Every time you go in there and erase her memories, you’re fucking with parts of her brain that you don’t understand. You have no business doing that.” Bucky shakes his head again and stands up, heading down the stairs and opening the door.

You’re curled up in a ball on your side, eyes terrified and hopeless, Steve sits across from you, Sarah in his arms.

“Steve.” The brunet nods to the stairs and his friend sighs, standing up and following him out of the room, leaving you alone on the ground again.

“Pal, I think you and I need to have a talk, a real long talk. You know what I went through, how Fury... got me someone to help ground me. It wasn’t good but it worked. This? This isn’t good and it’s not working. We need to talk about this.” He hands Sarah to Natasha and follows his friend out of the cabin to give themselves some privacy.

Sarah starts fussing quickly, squirming around in Nat’s grip. Rather than go and disturb Bucky and Steve, she heads downstairs to where you are.

You look up when the redhead comes down, pushing yourself into a seated position when she brings Sarah over to you.

“She was getting fussy,” Nat explains softly, handing the baby to you. You hold her tightly in your arms, rocking her back and forth as she whines.

“She gets like that... sometimes. She just wants to feel loved.” You press kisses all over her face, cooing to her until she settles down then holding her close to your chest.

“What Steve’s doing... is wrong. You don’t deserve to be treated the way he’s treating you.” You furrow your brows at her words.

“Aren’t you his friend? Are you just testing my obedience?” She feels her heart hurt at the idea. “No. I mean, yeah, I’m his friend, but no I’m not testing your obedience. I realize that what he’s doing is wrong and I want to stop him. Or at least make it better somehow.”

You don’t trust her. How can you? This is the same woman who let Steve use you and defile you.

“I’m not sure what he plans on doing with you,” she admits softly, fingers hovering over Sarah’s cheek.

“But I know that if it comes down to it, I’ll fight to protect you.” You’re confused and she must be able to read it on your face because she sits down in front of you and sighs.

“I know what it’s like, to be held captive. To have no control over what happens to you. Granted, not to this extent, but I know enough to know that this is so wrong. You deserve so much better than this.”

You keep your eyes on your daughter, your voice quivering slightly as you speak. “If you only do one thing, could you... take Sarah to my father? He’ll know where to go and what to do. Just please, I don’t want her to be with... him. God only knows what he’ll do to her.”

Natasha knows that Steve would never hurt Sarah but it’s the only thing you’ve asked of her so she nods, agreeing and making a mental vow to do everything in her power to keep that baby safe.

~*~

“You can’t keep beating her the way you are. You’re taking this way too far. She’s a person, Steve. Not a punching bag.” Steve shakes his head and glares at his friend. “You don’t get it, Bucky. You don’t get it. She was so good before. So perfect. And now she’s just... misbehaving and pissing me off. I look at her and I see red. She makes me so angry.” Bucky scoffs and stares at his friend as if he’s grown a second head.

“Do you think that’ll stop just because you wipe her memory? No. You’re gonna feel the same damn thing every time you look at her. There’s nothing we can really do about that.”

Steve has a dark look in his eyes and Bucky actually laughs. “We’re not gonna fucking kill the girl, Steve. That’s extreme. Think about it this way: she’s the mother of your daughter. She can give you a family, a home. Everything you’ve ever wanted. She can be the normal that you need in your life. You’ve gotta get past your anger. Go hunting. Go fucking fishing. Just don’t take your anger out on her. You wanna put another baby in her? Go right the fuck ahead. You wanna have six kids and have her take care of all of them? Sure! Just don’t fucking hit her anymore. Stop associating her with anger because it’s only gonna end up badly.”

Steve’s silent for a minute, thinking about everything that his best friend has just said before breaking the silence with two words that make the whole situation change.

“She’s pregnant.”

Bucky sucks in a sharp breath of air and stares at Steve. “Again? You’re sure?”

Steve shrugs, “pretty sure. But she... she fell down the stairs the other day. I swear she fell, I didn’t push her, and... she hasn’t eaten anything...” he trails off, fear for his growing wild filling his heart.

“You care about the kid. The fetus inside her. You want her to give you another baby. You need to get back to your normal cycle. You can’t keep hurting her. If you want any chance at having a family then you’ll let me fix her. She can be the good little wife you want,” Bucky pleads, not wanting to see you or Steve get hurt any worse than you already have.

Steve sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut as he makes his decision.

“How long will it take?” Bucky sighs in relief, glad that his friend is taking the better path. A little voice in his head is disgusted with the fact that wiping your memory is deemed ‘the better path’ but he shuts it up.

“A day? Maybe less. I’ll need to grab the supplies and bring it back which will take about a day, maybe two, but then I’ll be back and we can wipe her properly.”

Steve nods, looking at his friend.

“Fine. Can you do anything about her now? Make her more... compliant? Just until you properly wipe her?”

Bucky rubs the nape of his neck, his face screwing up in slight discomfort. “I don’t know, Steve. She’s so afraid... it’ll be hard to really get her to calm down enough for it to take hold in her mind. You might just have to wait until I come back.”

Steve sighs but nods, making to walk back into the house when Bucky grabs his arm tightly, stopping him in his tracks. He levels his friend with a serious look, trying to get his point across.

“Steve. I’m serious. You can’t keep treating her badly. If anything, you should go in there and make her feel safe. Tell her you won’t hurt her again and then don’t hurt her. Make her trust you at least a little bit.”

The blond nods and tugs out of Bucky’s grip with ease. They come back in the house and Steve is intercepted by Natasha.

“Where’s Sarah?” He asks, his heart beating a bit faster when he doesn’t see his daughter anywhere.

“With her mother, being fed. Where she belongs. Don’t worry.” He nods warily, taking a few deep breaths as the redhead glares at him.

“If you touch her wrong again I swear I will make you regret it, Steve Rogers. That woman down there is terrified for her life because of you. She’s broken and has no idea what she’s supposed to be doing with herself. If you fuck this up... Steve, I’m not going to side with a monster. Not again. You need to fix this or I’ll take it into my own hands.”

Bucky steps forward, taking Nat's hand in his. “I talked to him. He knows what he needs to do and he knows that if he doesn’t do it then he’ll be forced to face the consequences.” The two watch as Steve stalks out of the room, Natasha’s words hitting him square in the chest.

He enters the bathroom and shuts the door behind himself, staring at his reflection in the mirror.

‘What makes a monster?’ he wonders to himself. Is he really a monster? No, he can’t be. He’s Captain America, for fuck's sake. But then again, all the bad guys he’s had to take out, all the people who’ve been hurting other people, they all thought they were doing it for the right reasons too. Is he so different from them?

The line between monster and man is getting harder and harder for him to distinguish.

~*~

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cherryblossomstars · 4 years

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6th Time’s the Charm (W. Ushijima)

Pairing: Ushijima x Reader

Word count: 1,113

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

Summary: The 5 times he stands you up, and the one time he finally learns his lesson.

“You know, Ushi, most people give a fair warning before they cancel a date.” You smile at him.

“I know. I apologize.” He bows his head slightly. “I lost track of time.”

He usually made a point to be as punctual as possible, but volleyball always threw that out of the window.

“It’s fine. I understand. It’s too late to go out now… Wanna just cook dinner together instead?”

A small smile directed your way, “sure.”

II.

“I-”

“It’s okay. Volleyball, yeah? I understand.” You give him another gentle smile that sends a guilty pang reverberating through his chest.

“It’s not an excuse…” This time it wasn’t really his fault, actually. Coach Washijo had made them do a lot of penalties after their practice match, despite them having won the game.

Once again, it was dark outside. Too late to do anything without someone worrying about you. “I can just put a movie on for tonight?”

He nods. “That would be nice.”

You press a kiss to his cheek, “you in the mood for horror?”

III.

This time, you were already prepared for a date at home.

The original plan was a nice date at the park after his practice match, but you had a gut feeling that wouldn’t happen this time.

You didn’t think you’d have enough time to cook so you ordered in this time. A light dessert sat in the fridge. It wasn’t heavy or too sweet, just the way he liked it. Being a star volleyball player with eyes always on him, he had to stay in peak physical condition, after all.

When you got the expected call from him telling you that no, the park date could not happen, you just sighed and told him it was fine. The both of you could just have your date at home. No harm, no foul, as long as the both of you were together you were fine. That’s all that mattered.

However, when he finally arrived and told you with a guilty face that he had, in fact, already eaten out with his teammates and that he did not have enough room for the food you had spent so much money on, your smile fell.

“I see.” You force the happy look back onto your face.

“I apologize, I wasn’t expect-”

“So we couldn’t have the park date because you went out with your teammates?” You raised an eyebrow. “Even though this was a prior arrangement.”

He doesn’t allow himself to meet your eyes.

You let out a sigh. You don’t want to deal with this today, of all days. “Uh, forget it, Ushi. I can just put on a movie and we can just chill.”

“I’d like that.”

IV.

You didn’t even bother dressing up this time. Until your boyfriend actually confirmed he was on his way, you weren’t even going to fix your hair. If he had a problem with waiting for you, he could eat shit for all you care.

You try to be understanding, really. But this was getting a bit too much. Three dates cancelled within two months, and if you were right, it would soon be four.

It’s different this time, though. This time, he doesn’t even bother to call. Just a simple “sorry” texted to you.

You bring a pillow to your face to avoid screaming.

He had promised this time he would make it. No cancellations, nothing. No needing to have a backup plan, no being upset with him for not making it.

Your first actual date in months.

You really should have known better.

Of course Washijo had scheduled a last minute practice match, which meant they would have a longer practice today than usual. He didn’t even take a second to send you a quick text about it.

Half an hour into waiting for him to show up you had a hunch he wouldn’t be showing up at all. It was all confirmed when you went to check the volleyball club’s gym.

So there you stood on the balcony of the gym, watching your boyfriend (probably soon to be ex-boyfriend) playing like the god of the court that he was. You couldn’t bring yourself to even fake a smile.

You were scared he was doing it on purpose. That he was making all these excuses to avoid you.

He can see the disapproving look that you’re trying so desperately to hide from the corner of his eyes.

He was scared you had finally had enough.

When the match ends and he turns to find you, you aren’t anywhere to be found. Normally, you’d go down and run up to him to give him a congratulatory hug. Today, you’re gone. You left without a word.

His heart wrenches.

VI.

With the team’s help, he managed to convince Washijo to give them one day off. For the sake of their mental health, but they all knew that they had been rallied together by seeing their team captain experience the unfortunate thing that is anxiety.

Because, holy shit, you were going to break up with him weren’t you?

With the team’s help they’d managed to gather some takeout, flowers, and a box of chocolate within the span of thirty minutes. Tendou had suggested that he play loud music outside of your house but Semi had quickly shot him down.

He really owed them one after this.

While you were yet to come home, your family had let him inside the house and cleared the area to let the both of you have some alone time.

He set everything up while he waited and as soon as he set the last plate on the table, you’d finally come in.

Slow, cautious steps. As if you were scared of him. In reality, you were scared of what he would say.

Truthfully, he was scared of what you would say, too.

“Ushi-”

“I am… not a good boyfriend.”

You have to bite back a laugh at his bluntness.

“But if you give me a chance, I will make it up to you. I don’t know a lot of things outside of the court, but I know that I love you. I want you by my side for as long as you’re willing to stay there.” He slowly walks towards you as if testing the waters. When he deems it safe, he takes a firm hold of your hands, presses a kiss against your cheek, and allows his lips to rest near your ear. “So please…”

“Okay.” You press a kiss of your own against his cheek. “I’ll stay by your side for as long as you’re willing to have me, too.”

Fin.

#Ushijima x Reader #Ushijima Wakatoshi #Haikyuu #Haikyuu Fanfiction #Fanfiction #Reader Insert #Haikyuu Scenario #Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader #Wakatoshi Ushijima

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camelely · 4 years

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13rw S4 Fix

So i did one of these for last season and I think now that I’ve had some time to think about S4 I’ll do the same. While last season I thought the issue was one character being overused. But here it seems like there were multiple smaller things that could have improved the whole season Again I’m keeping the same basic plotline and characters :)

1) Winston

Have Winston stay at Hillcrest. Him moving to Liberty did nothing for the main plot and he was basically a red herring through most of it. Let him try are befriend the characters from the outside. He can learn about Jess from Bryce’s trial and the news coverage and then try to befriend her at Monet’s. This is where he meets and later starts to date Alex. Since he doesn’t go to liberty school Alex sees him as a sort of escape and lets him in. Clay and Ani dont tell everyone about him because they dont know he is trying to get close to them. It makes them seem less like assholes and more like people. They don’t mention his connection to Monty because they dont realize how close he is getting to answers. Clay can still suspect he did the graffiti, after all it was a break in and a non student could have done that. Plus Estella is another red herring in the school. She serves that purpose so let Winston be the outsider looking in. His arc would still be about knowing a different Monty and not knowing who is was at Liberty but now he is literally the outsider who didn’t really get Monty, rather than it just being a figurative thing at the prom. You can still have the prom scene it would just be entirely imagined rather than the half imagined thing they went with. I think they overused the people talking to ghosts thing so here it would be a fantasy of Monty and the relationship they had rather then a representation of what could have been. However I don’t think this would have retracted from the point. Also play him up, he is a sympathetic antagonist and it sucks how much he is sidelined for Diego. I didn’t hate Diego but Winston and him basically went through the same arc. They were pro Monty and ending up dating a member of the group, couldnt believe that member was involved and then learned something about Bryce and Monty agreed to move on and just did. All while saying they will alway care for that member of the group. It was an unnecessary rehash. Having WInston be the outsider looking in and Diego the insider looking out also lets their characters compliment each other. They should still work together, just have Winston contact him looking for Monty’s friends. It’s simple.

2) Tyler and Tony

Oh Tyler. The character who seems to be in the middle of everything despite never doing anything himself. I didn’t mind his arc of helping the cops find the guys who sold the illegal guns. But Tony’s suspicions, eventually leading to Clay and Tony finding out the truth and just moving on never really go anywhere. I think it would be cool if Tyler tells Tony, despite the cops telling him not to tell anyone, because he trusts Tony. But Tony, who has had bad run ins with the cops, thinks it is a bad idea. He doesn’t want Tyler taking the deal. Tyler says its the only way the guns wont be traced back to them but Tony thinks teh cops are planning to double cross them to mind out more about Bryce and Monty. At the same time he starts getting close to that cop that takes him boxing and helps him get into college (i dont remember his name for the life of me lol). Tyler sees this as being hypocritical and pulls away. Tony still suspects Tyler is behind the lock down because he is pulling away and Tony is getting paranoid. The rest of their story can still be the same but this way they can show Tony’s paranoia and his loyalty.

As for Tyler and Estella, It was fine. The scene of them in the bathroom was really powerful, being in the bathroom with a de la cruz and becoming comfortable because isnt her brother was really nice. This could even be another reason Tony and Tyler fight. Tony can be paranoid that Tyler is trusting her too quickly and think she will turn on him.

3) Jess

Her arc with the principal, being scared and agreeing with the security measures before she sees them in action was really interesting. Focus more on it and less on her manipulating Diego. I did like parts of that arc for her so I don’t want it completely gone but I do think focusing on her working with the principal would have been cool. I would call more attention to her first meeting and her agreeing with the measures and slowly show her change her mind and start to turn against them. Maybe even have an early scene of her and ANi talking about it and have Jess admit she feels safer. Move the creepy cop trying to pat her down to the second or third day. So she can have a moment where they make her feel safe before the negative experience. I loved the protest and a bit better build up would have made it amazing

Her arc with Ani. They fought over Bryce... It should have been a conversation. Not a moment where Ani judges Diego and then they argue. I still think this arc should have been Chloe and Jess and should have been in last season. But they had the opportunity to include Chloe this season and just didnt. I’ll talk about this a bit more in the Zach section but I think Chloe should have been at Prom and the moment between the Ani Jess and Chloe should have been then. It would be right after Jess and Ani made up and would have been cool.

I don’t think she should have had scenes where she saw and talked to Bryce. Yes it created some powerful moments but they could be reworked. Have WInston use his wealth to commission a positive thing in the paper about Bryce and Monty and have her talk to his idealized photo of Bryce. I will mention it in the Clay section but her hallucinations detracted from his journey with mental health.

4) Clay

Okay two thing here the first is his arc with mental health, hallucinations, and blackouts. They used it for drama and I wish they hadnt. It should have been about him healing. I didnt mind the way they handled the realization for clay that it was him doing everything (Did they explain the symbol he kept drawing because I missed it if they did? or i just forgot because it was that forgettable lol) but I think the whole thing could have been handled a lot better and a more educated fan then I can provide a better explanation for what exactly was off about it. I will say the the therapy sessions were repetitive and I know thats realistic but for a tv show its boring. The scene were Clay goes to his home was weird and low key scary. I understand the purpose but I wish he had called him and asked to meet at his office instead. A more likable and relatable journey for Clay with his mental health would be really good for a show that was accused of glorying suicide (personally i dont think it did. My inbox is open if you wanna talk though :))

The second thing is the phantom phone caller. I hate this trope so it might just be me but this is so stale. There are exactly two ways it could go. The person could know everything and be a real problem or the person could be fishing for information and not be a real problem. The whole thing was predicable since Winston had red herring written all over him, Estella was barely developed, and on this show it is always the football guys. Instead let the pranks be smaller and less crazy. Like these boys had to coordinate a lot to mess with Clay. There should be more than one prank and end with a Monty doll and Clay holding a knife to set up the camp episode. But they should be pranks, not the phantom caller psychological torture bs. The blood shower can also happen just on a different day. Clay can be confused about what is real and what isnt making him even more worried about his blackouts and again assuming the mental health arc is handled well, the pranks can be a real part of it. Dumping him in the pit on the camping trip also seemed kinda attempted murdery so maybe do something like tie him to a tree of the path or in a small dirt ditch not a rocky pit where if he hit his head or fell weird the team would all be murderers.

5) Alex

His arc with Charlie was one of my favorite stories this season. I was also not bothered by him getting close to and exploring his sexuality with Winston and Zach. I’m in the minority but I’m glad Zalex wasn’t made canon and Zach was used to be an effective (kinda) ally and good friend. Plus this way Zalex can live on in the fandom untouched or ruined by the writers interpretation.

They should have given us Alex in therapy. He tried to kill himself had a traumatic injury, an arc with steroid abuse, and an arc about killing someone. All of which were forgotten this season. All the other characters seemed to be dealing with Bryce and Monty, why not focus on Alex? Even if it isnt in therapy just let him exist in his feelings.

6) Zach

I have one major issue with Zach’s arc, the lack of Chloe. She was the reason he almost killed a man. Let them date, let him start to spiral while dating her. She doesnt know what he did. Have them grow apart on screen but her still connecting to him and not wanting to give up on him. They should go to prom together. I know the hooker was supposed to represent Zach turning into Bryce with the hookers and the drunken sex/potential rape and cocaine. But Chloe fills the same comparison. He brings cocaine she is not okay with it, He tries to convince her to have sex in the back she is not having it. Maybe he tries to convince maybe it becomes a bit worse than that but she breaks up with him at prom and leaves early. She sees Bryce in him, she doesnt have to say it but you can see it on her face and she walks away when her mind and heart tells her to this time no making excuses. Boom Chloe actually has an arc. As for Zach this is a big wake up call for him he sees what we had become. I know it is later in the actual show but I think it should be in the prom episode so he can have a better conclusion in the finale, like the other characters. The whole season was a downward spiral and I wish we got to see more of him pulling himself out of it. If the whole finale is him getting better even though he wont be all the way done he will be in a better place up the end.

7) Justin

Okay the hard one. I think the writers really wanted to kill him. I mean a fan favorite, who did bad things, and the death would be in the series finale. this is a tv writer’s drug of choice. So I’m gonna do a fix where I still kill him first then to the ideal version. Ok so first Justin dies. No HIV/AIDS. It was out of nowhere, unneeded, and seemed a bit insensitive. If you want it to be related to his drug use, make it so he got a bad batch when he relapsed. Or maybe organ failure. If it doens’t need to be drug related it can be an accident or someone he knew on the streets getting revenge, like that drug dealer we spent time with last season. Or if Justin helps Tyler put the gun salesmen behind bars then have it be retaliation for that. He can still go to the hospital and have goodbyes but it wont be an aids diagnosis and death in the same episode. I know they had signs in earlier episodes but the timeline is still really fucked up...

An ideal ending would have him live. He can still pass out at Prom. The diagnosis can be a combination of stress and withdrawal symptoms.He can be the red herring for the person in the coffin. If Justin lives he can represent hope. He can show the audience that you can get better and things can work out. Even if you are sick and think you will die you can do better be better and live in a better world. Plus I love him and really wanted him to be happy. The message would be you can get out of a bad situation and wold have ended a sad series on a positive note. Even if you are a bad person. Even if you have bad circumstance. Even if it feels like the world is against you, it can get better if you put in the effort. Which felt like the message the show was going for in eariler seasons by showing the people on the tapes doing better but abandoned this last season.

So who would I put in the coffin. Ani’s mom. Now I know she wasn’t a well liked character and her mom wouldn’t have the same audience or character reaction Justin’s death did. But this version isn’t about making the audience sad. Ani would finally have a plot that was really about her, her mom died, Bryce’s mom basically wants to provide for her. And she isn’t sure what to do. Justins funeral felt like it was overshadowed by graduation anyway. Now Ani’s moms absence and the funeral being overshadowed both make sense. She is going to college and doing what she can to honor her mom. And the death of a parent causes Clay to immediately appreciate his own family more. The theme in the first season with Clay was appreciating and acting on his feelings for Hannah before she was gone. Ani’s mom dying is a reality check for him and he know the most important things are his family and friends. Justin’s arc was about finding a family and he did. The core of the show is about family, friends, and the importance of a strong support system. And starting it with a mother grieving her daughter and ending it with a daughter grieving her mother would be a cool full circle moment.

This post is really long so if you read all the way down Thank you! :)

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skiller0dani · 4 years

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Cherry Pie (1) | Billy Mitman

M A S T E R L I S T

smut | slow burn requests info wanna be on a Timmy taglist? click here

surprise I wrote a Billy short series! For this however I’m not using Y/N, I have an actual OC name picked out for this character. I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.

lemme also clear some stuff up YES this is a teacher/student relationship story NO there are no adult/under-aged person relationships YES I made Billy 18 in this story, because lets say he’s in his final semester of senior year. NO smut will not be in every chapter of this short story. It’s a SLOW BURN. meaning I will be adding sexual tension to every chapter to build up the anticipation for when it finally happens.

| Upon realizing her emotional and mental health was in desperate need of assistance, Miss Rachel Stevens had requested a week off in order to address these issues with a professional. To sub her senior English Class is Miss. Alice Perribow, the resident Art teacher at Valley High School. |

***

MONDAY

Alice Perribow was what you’d imagine as a well put together woman. Smart, well dressed, on time, prepared, as a teacher she was the definition of responsible. This was simply to mask the fact that her entire life was falling apart, going through a messy divorce and property battle over her perfect house with her soon to be ex husband was causing some outside stress. Alice never brought home stress to work, she allowed herself to indulge in the happiness her job gave her, even for 8 hours a day. So when Rachel Stevens came knocking on Alice’s office door after hours and pleaded her to sub- Alice was hesitant to say yes but agreed anyway. She always has had an inability to say no to people who have shown her nothing but kindness, and Rachel was very kind. Alice’s hair was messier than it normally would have been this Monday morning, she had been running late due to a mistimed alarm. Her brunette hair was thrown up in a messy bun and her short heels clicked down the hallway as she rushed to Rachel’s classroom. The only way Alice could make this work was by subbing in the afternoon, the librarian Mr. Fredricks subbed the morning classes. Alice also had to teach Art in the morning, but didn’t have classes in the afternoon, usually just private lessons with students.

Alice was quite pleased to see no students waiting in the classroom when she pushed in, and unceremoniously dropped her things onto the desk sending a binder of papers crashing to the ground. “Shit,” Alice mumbled to herself as she crouched down to gather the papers. Suddenly a pair of dark tennis shoes joined her as someone crouched to help her pick up the papers. When Alice looked up, her throat closed only slightly upon looking into the greenest eyes she’s ever seen. A pair of green eyes that belonged to Billy Mitman, “thank you Billy.” Alice smiled, taking the papers from him as she stands. She’d seen Billy around the hallways before, and he’d also been by her office a few times for piano lessons. “Of course Miss Perribow.” He says, flashing her a smile before turning down the row of chairs to his desk. His eyes stayed on her and he only wondered where Miss Stevens was for a fleeting moment before his focus returned to Miss Perribow. She was beautiful, her dark hair framed her face perfectly and her eyes were so bright as she turned to the whiteboard. Miss Perribow was a bit curvier than Miss Stevens, and Billy couldn’t take his eyes off the way those jeans hugged her hips. Billy knows it’s wrong for him to be thinking of his teachers this way, but girls his own age don’t interest him.

She so gracefully wrote her name out on the whiteboard as more students trickled in. Margot came in and beamed when she saw Miss Perribow, “good afternoon Miss Perribow!” She exclaimed and Alice turned with a smile on her face. Alice already knew Margot fairly well, she had taken Alice’s Art class every single year of her high school career. “Margot, so good to see you.” Alice said, a dimple popping out on her left cheek. Billy smiles fondly at the small dimple in her cheek. Soon the first bell was ringing and Alice closed the door before turning to address the class, “I’m sure a lot of you already know me but in case you don’t- I’m Miss Perribow. I’m going to be the afternoon sub for Miss Stevens this week.” She smiled and Billy noticed two boys adjacent to his left sharing a look before turning their horny gaze back towards Alice. “So from what I understand is that you were about to start the Canterbury Tales yeah?” She asks for clarification, and Margot nodded happily. Alice smiles warmly at Margot before pulling a copy of the book, “what would you say the overall theme of this tale is?” She asks and the entire room falls into silence. Margot glances around before raising her hand, “it’s clearly about courtly love. These two men, once family nearly beat each other to death to prove they deserve her affections. In my opinion, it’s a tale of how poisoning love can be.”

One of the boys to Billy’s left snickers, “did we read the same thing? Because I’m pretty sure one of them got sick from a gnarly case of blue balls.” He says with a smirk, and most of the class erupts in laughter. He’s a big guy, definitely a football player and built like a tank. In fact if Billy recalls correctly, that’s what most people call him: Tank, even though his real name is Leon. He leans forward on his desk, eyeing Alice. “Do you know what that is Miss Perribow?” Tank smiles slyly and Billy feels annoyance bubbling in his chest. Alice manages a small smile as she turns her attention towards Tank, “you know Leon, I think it would be a much better idea to return to the Knights Tale.” Alice dismisses but Tank turns to his friends and smirks before clearing his throat loudly. “It’s when a girl gets a guys engine revving, and he pops a hard one, but then she doesn’t do anything about it. She just leaves him there with blue balls. Get it? Cause they’re sad.” Tank raises an eyebrow as Alice turns to look back at him. She smiles warmly, doing her best to keep her frustration at bay as she strolls down the row towards Tank’s desk. She leans over on Tank’s desk, placing her palms flat on the surface of the desk. “Tank, it seems you have forgotten that I know your mother personally. Shall I give her a call and inform her that you thought it would be appropriate to educate the class on sex ed today?” She asks, her tone serious while Tank’s cheeks turn scarlet.

The class giggles quietly as Tank sinks back into his desk, but when Alice turns Tank whips his phone out and snaps a photo of her ass. “Delete that.” Billy snaps loudly, drawing Tank’s attention as well as everyone else in the room. Alice turns, her eyebrows furrowed as Tank and Billy are locked in a deep glaring match. “What the hell are you talking about freak?” Tank snaps and Billy takes a deep breath through his nose as Alice makes her way back down the row of desks. “I saw you take a picture of Miss Perribow, and I know you didn’t take it because you really like her jeans.” Billy snaps and Alice’s eyebrows raise as she turns towards Tank. Tank’s cheeks are red, but not with embarrassment- this time it’s with anger. “Leon, please see me after class. Billy, you too.” Alice says, looking over the both of them before returning to the lesson. Billy keeps his eyes on Tank for the remainder of class, and he hates when he sees Tank shamelessly look down Alice’s shirt. When the bell rings, neither of the boys move as Alice walks towards them and sits in the desk in front of Billy. Their eyes meet and Alice quickly looks away when she feels the tingles shoot through her body. “Somebody want to tell me what’s going on here?” She asks, looking between the boys.

“Yeah Tank is a pervert and took a picture of your ass.” Billy snaps, his voice tense as he glares over at Tank. Alice’s cheeks flush as she averts her eyes to Tank, “is that true?” She asks and Tank rolls his eyes. “Which part? Because no I’m not a pervert, I’m a lover baby. Did I take a picture of your ass? Hell yeah, I’ll need some jack off material for later.” Tank snickers, simply enjoying the rise he gets out Billy with every word out of his mouth. Billy pushes up from his desk angrily, and Tank stands too. The two of them are chest to chest and they stand eye to eye, although Billy is the same height as Tank- he’s not nearly as muscular. Alice stands, and when Tank’s eyes avert to her Billy immediately steps in front of her. “Boys, you both need to calm down. I think this conversation should be continued in Mr. Alvarez’s office.” Alice says, trying to move between the boys but Billy won’t let her get anywhere near Tank. “I’d happily bend you over his desk if that’s what you mean.” Tank smiles and Billy is lurching forward before Alice arms curl around him to hold him back. “Tank you need to leave,” Alice snaps and he shrugs as he casually walks out of the classroom. The bell rings again, signaling the end of the school day as Billy stands in the classroom- his chest heaving.

“Billy, you know he was saying that just to make you angry right?” Alice says gently, and he shrugs as he reaches for his bag. Billy begins to head for the door when Alice’s left hand catches his eye, “Miss Perribow, aren’t you married?” He asks, stopping when he notices her lack of wedding ring. Alice is surprised to say the least, she didn’t imagine any of her students paid that much attention. “We’re um- separated.” Alice explains awkwardly and Billy nods as his eyes stay fixed on her. Alice’s cheeks heat up under Billy’s gaze and she takes a deep breath to control her emotions. She’s just lonely without Ben that’s all, she’s projecting her feelings of loneliness on a handsome student. He’s a teenager, and she needs to get herself together. “What happened?” He asked and what scared Alice the most about Billy’s question, was how genuinely he asked her. The look on his face makes her think he genuinely cares, but she knows about Billy. Rachel gave her a bit of a warning on Billy’s own issues with projecting his feelings on others. He doesn’t really care, he’s just projecting. “Sometimes things just don’t work out.” Alice smiles through the breaking of her heart. She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, ignoring the look that Billy is giving her. A look that says he isn’t buying her bullshit line.

“Was he a douchebag or something?” Billy asks, sitting back against a front row desk as Alice begins to pack up her things into her bag. “Billy, language.” Alice scolds gently, ignoring the cheeky smile on Billy’s face when he notices her flushed cheeks. “He did something didn’t he?” Billy says, and Alice gives him another look before sighing deeply and running a hand down her face. “Yes he did, and I don’t really want to talk about it.” Alice says and Billy nods instantly, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips. Alice turns to her book and begins to look over the lesson for tomorrow as Billy makes his way out of the classroom, and he nearly says something he shouldn’t but he bites his tongue. Alice spends at least another hour sitting at that desk, writing out the lesson for tomorrow. In the back of her mind her thoughts drift back to Billy, he’s charming and sweet in a boyish way. He’s smart, and he thinks deep thoughts- Rachel says he thinks quite philosophically. Tank however is becoming a problem that deeply concerns Alice, he’s much taller and much stronger than she is. The next morning she’ll have to talk to Mr. Alvarez about him.

The sun is setting when Alice makes her way towards the parking lot but out of the corner of her eye she sees a figure leaning against the school. Turning her head, her cheeks warm when she sees Billy leaning against the brick wall with a cigarette in his mouth. “Billy?” She calls, and he glances her way with a smile on his face. Alice hugs her bag to her chest as she makes her way towards Billy, “what are you still doing here?” She asks him and Billy shrugs, taking another drag from his cigarette. He rests his head back, his signature blue hoodie loosely hanging around his shoulders. “Skipped the bus.” He says with a smile as he blows smoke out. He turns his gaze to hers and he cocks an eyebrow when he notices her cheeks warm. Alice steps back, “why?” She asks him, and he chuckles as he drops his cigarette butt to the ground before putting it out with his shoe. Billy pushes off the wall and steps towards Alice, and her breath catches in her throat. “I wanted to see you Miss Perribow,” Billy breathes and Alice feels a shiver run down her back. This is a student. Alice steps back further, trying to distance herself from Billy. “Billy that’s- that’s not appropriate. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Alice says, her voice rushed as she turns towards her car.

“I don’t have a ride, so I hope you’re comfortable leaving a student alone at night with no way to get home. Guess I’ll have to walk.” Billy says, his voice lilted mischievously. Alice halts, her back still facing him. As a teacher, she can’t leave him here alone. “I’ll give you a ride, this once.” Alice says and Billy smirks as he lifts his bag over his shoulder before falling into step next to Alice. “It’ll be our little secret Miss Perribow.” He says with a wink and Alice simply slides into the driver seat of her car. The silence in the car is a tad bit uncomfortable as Alice pulls the car out of the parking lot, and heads towards Billy’s house. “Is Perribow your maiden name?” Billy asks suddenly, the street lamps illuminating his face as the car passes underneath them. Alice bites at her bottom lip as she turns the corner, “yeah it is.” She says and Billy nods with a soft hum. Alice dreads heading back home, Ben is probably there and she doesn’t feel like facing him at this moment. “What did he do? Your ex-husband?” Billy asks, his voice soft as he looks over at her with gentle eyes. Alice feels a rush of emotion sneak up on her, god this is so unprofessional. She keeps her eyes on the road as she softly sniffles, “he cheated on me.” Billy is quiet, but Alice knows his eyes are on her.

When the tears come, Alice feels beyond embarrassed and refuses to look at Billy. “Pull over.” He says, and Alice pulls in front of a house putting the car in park. She wipes her eyes as she turns to look at him, “is this your house?” She asks, trying to divert the attention from her misty eyes. Billy turns in his seat to look at her, one of his hands coming to hold hers. “No, but you shouldn’t be alone right now.” He says and Alice pulls her hand from his while quickly shaking her head. Alice takes a deep breath before turning to look at him, “Billy no I need to get you home, your parents are worried sick I’m sure.” She argues, it’s time to be the responsible adult. Billy stubbornly shakes is head, “nope told them I was hanging with Sam and wouldn’t be home until late. Look if you don’t want me here I’ll get out and just hang out until later-” Billy starts, turning to get out of the car but Alice places a hand on his arm to stop him. “Just tell me where you live-” She asks but Billy opens the door and exits the car. With a heavy sigh Alice exits her car after him, “Billy! It’s not safe for you alone.” She tries to reason but he just keeps walking. Feeling panic and worry for his well being Alice calls out after him once more.

“Okay you’re right! I don’t want to be alone, but you are a student. An underaged student. I’m breaking a law just being with you now after hours.” Billy stops, and then turns to look at her. Their eyes lock as he makes his way back towards her, “I’m old enough to know what I want. I want to help you tonight.” Billy argues but Alice waves her hands. Why does she have to be so drawn to him? “You’re 17 Billy.” She protests and Billy laughs bitterly. “I’m turning 18 tomorrow. I’m practically an adult already.” He says, and she knows she won’t change his mind- it’ll be dangerous for him to wander around at night alone. “Billy-” She starts but Billy cuts her off, “Alice.” Her words die in her throat as she shivers upon hearing her name roll off Billy’s tongue. Alice stands silent, her eyes fluttering as she looks at Billy and finally she enters her car. Billy slides into the passenger seat, “I’m hungry for ice cream. I have money.” He says and Alice feels reluctant and anxious as she hesitantly starts the engine of her car. She takes off towards the nearest ice cream shop, ignoring how her heart races in his presence. Alice is aware of Billy’s behavioral issues, and she’s not sure if he’s currently on his medication or not.

Once they’d gotten ice cream and parked in an empty parking lot, Billy turned to Alice again. “Who did he cheat on you with?” He asks and Alice has no idea why he is so interested in her failed marriage, but it is kind of nice to talk to someone about it. “His secretary. Screwed her at work, came home to me.” Alice laughed bitterly, not even worrying about being professional anymore. Clearly it doesn’t matter to Billy whether or not she’s his teacher, he’s determined to break down her walls. “He sounds like a dick.” Billy says and the simplicity of his comment, despite how complicated their situation is makes Alice laugh softly. Alice spoons more ice cream into her mouth, “yeah he is a dick.” She agrees and Billy smiles next to her. Alice turns to look at Billy, admiring his side profile for a moment longer then she should. “Billy, why don’t you hang out with people your age? Instead you spent time with Miss Stevens, and now me.” She asks and Billy pauses, as though he’s searching for the right words. “Because you’re smart, beautiful, experienced. You’re a real person, not just some high school kid caught up in shit that doesn’t actually matter.” He says, his eyes locking on hers once again. Before Alice can even move Billy is leaning over the center console and pressing his lips to hers. Alice freezes for a moment before melting against him, her lips moving with his for a fraction of a second before her mind once again returns to clarity.

Alice yanks away from him, panic pounding in her chest. “You’re 17, and I’m your teacher what the hell am I doing?” Alice panics, her hands fumbling to start the car. Billy tries to reach for her hand, but she won’t even touch him. “Alice it’s okay, I know what I want-” He starts but Alice vigorously shakes her head, her hands digging into her hair as she drops her head to the steering wheel. Billy reaches out for her once more, “Alice you didn’t do anything wrong. I wanted that.” He reassures her with a hand rubbing down her back but Alice snaps up and gently pushes his hand off her- despite the fact that he was actually calming her down. “My name is Miss Perribow, and you need to tell me where you live William.” She says sternly, her eyes focused straight ahead. Billy leans back in his seat, mumbling his address and she takes off. Alice’s hands are trembling as she drives quickly, and she hates how her lips are still tingling from the slight contact with his. This is wrong. How she’s feeling is wrong. “Alice, I know you wanted it. I felt you lean into me, and you can deny it all you want but I felt the spark. I know you felt it too.” Billy snaps once they arrive at his house, slamming the car door once he exits.

Alice exhales a shaky breath once his front door is closed and she drives down to her house, which funnily enough isn’t far from Billy’s house. When the garage closes behind her, she drags herself into the house and sure enough Ben is sitting at the kitchen counter. “Where have you been? I’ve been so worried baby,” He says, his voice soft with concern as he stands to approach her. Alice waves him off, feeling bile rising in her throat when he calls her baby. “Ben please don’t.” She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose with her pointer and thumb as she kicks her shoes off. “Don’t call me that. You know we’re divorcing.” She says, her voice tired and he doesn’t push her. He watches her trudge up the stairs, but something about her seems off tonight. Like her mind is elsewhere. As Alice pulls herself into bed, she can’t get a certain pair of green eyes out of her head. She can’t forget the feeling of his lips on hers, and she knows the rest of this week is going to be more difficult than she’d anticipated.

***taglist*** @irishbish @90sthemedsunsets @newletas @londonmademedoit @80sangelics

#timothee chalamet smut #timothee chalamet #timothée chalamet imagine #timmy chalamet #timmy chalamet imagine #timmy chalamet smut #lil timmy tim #billy mitman #billy mitman smut #miss stevens #miss stevens movie imagine #miss stevens movie

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gooferdusted · 4 years

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hypothetically, if I were to write a fix-it/rewrite au fic, (thinking of starting at s5 but debating starting earlier) what are some storylines you’d take out/change, characters you’d save/kill, and specifically changes to sam’s character/arcs you’d like bc i need ideas

ok. ok. I'm gonna try to not go completely off the fucking rails while I write this up but I gotchu (also these r all just my own hot n spicy takes so like. pick what u like, it's all goodie goodie)

• no time passing differently in hell. literally four months is ~Enough!~ a year is enougghh!!!!!! like I get that they wanted to make hell this horrible unreachable thing but u can still like... get that across without having it be this unfathomable chunk of time out of a persons life. like sam was down there with TWO very pissed off angel's for 180 years??? how can he still speak english??? how does dean remember ANYTHING about his old life when mentally more than half of it was spent being endlessly tortured until he finally cracked??? its just.... Too Much...

• ON that note, I feel like later on they never rlly had sam and dean bond over the fact that like... they are genuinely the ONLY two people on earth who have survived actual hell. I mean we got that one off line from dean at some point but??

• no chuck as god. just a greasy greasy rat man getting insane stories projected into his brain. and on the topic of that.... I dont like the reflection of the real life fanbase in the spn universe??? they're pulp fiction novels, it should be all like 50 year old + ladies who picked them up at the local bargain bin, not b*cky r*sen

• I like... WANNA say smth abt s4..... bc I think the way that they handled things were a little out of character BUT I also think that was lind of the point??? like the angels and demons were manipulating them to say/do things they would normally never say/do to eachother to drive a big enough wedge between then that they would eventually say yes to being the vessels. like it hurts to watch sooo much but it did drive the plot forward in a very particular way that probably couldnt have happened otherwise. that being said, when the levee breaks makes me sad, and I dont want to see sam crying for his dead mother alone in a basement! cest la vie.

• sam and dean.... are Friends...,, why did we all forget that..... watch hell house and maybe I'll calm down.....

• PSYCHIC SAM!!!!!! you all know me. you know how I feel about psychic sam... robbed. s4 finale rlly had sam like "drinking that much demon blood has truly changed me forever..... theres no going back now...... 😔😔" like ok. ok. where are your superpowers. where are they.

• I wish some of the other special children had made it out :(( I really liked andy and ava (also sam finding other friend who are like him??? queer allegory??? spare queer allegory?????)

• I also dont think the roadhouse shouldve burned down!!! that shouldve been a Staple Location like Bobby's house. same w Missouri's, literally why did we only visit her once.

• ur sending an ask to my blog so I assume this is just a given for u but!!! we're takin away the misogyny. we're takin away the fetishization! anything that would be given the greenlight by joss whedon we are putting straight in the trash. <3

• this is mostly a thing in later seasons like. idk 9-15, but no ppl knowing who the winchesters are. they are NOBODIES. they pop up like little meerkats and fuck everything up beyond repair.

• also no fancy tech. no iphone 76z or whatever the fuck. sam has an ipod 1. the wheel is so stuck he can barely press play anymore. remember when he literally just tore off the top casing off his laptop and threw it away? more of that.

• no nice clothes. NO nice clothes we fuckin hate that. everything sam and dean own was purchased pre 1995 and dean is an expert at removing blood stains and sewing up jackets. dean will walk into a laundromat with a tide pen and just start goin for it like that scene in deadpool.

• tbh.... I feel like the issues in later seasons are really this massive horrible domino effect. like I could say heres how to fix s7-10 but the fact is if shit hadnt gone down lile it had in s7 s10 would be a different story entirely.

• I am gonna do it tho bc I suck <3

• s6: soulless sam was funney but did that really go anywhere? no. tbh I dont remember what happened w cas and I'm just not going to look it up. it's just not in the cards for tonight. dean w lisa.... ehh.... I've discussed this at wayy too much length w mushroom and we both agreed that dean would probably keep hunting to keep his mind off things and to try and honor sams sacrifice. I guess theres an argument to be made for the fact that it kind of was Sam's dying wish that dean just go fin her and live a normal life but... idk. purgatory was. . indeed a Concept..... that could have maybe gone somewhere if it didnt rapidly spiral into....

• s7!!! I mean. jesus christ. I know some people like this one but jesus christ. the way they literally couldnt commit to having sam have genuine mental health problems after centuries in hell or to just magically wipe them away..... bobby dying halfway thru.... charlie was a bright spot I suppose, but her intro is not my fave episode w her.... idk what the fuck happened w cas, I guess he was god. the leviathan designs were kinda neat but like oh my fucking god it wasnt worth it.

• s8: uh. rough start. idk why the turn tables so suddenly and dean's like "why didnt u look for me >:((" bc??? yall agreed not to???? at the VERY least they couldve had sam been like "I legitimately had no reason to think u werent dead and in heaven and tha wouldve been a little rude of me to pull u out of that." but we went for ~drama~ to make it spicy I guess. ouygh. bunkers there!!! that was cool!!! MoL is a cool concept!!! altho... it doesn kinda contradict the whole sam and dean are nobodies thing... idk. trials of hell was like... cool in theory but bad in practice unless they were planning on ending the show for realskies. and they did not.

• s9: uhh... hated gadreel! hated that shit! wish they had spun that whole storyline to be more "hey sam I noticed u were s*icidal should we maybe address that??" or even like.... I mean dean probably couldve just TOLD sam abt his plan, he had already convinced him to stay alive by that point??? there was no reason to lie!!! plus the betrayal of gadreel not being who he said he was wouldve been like. literally enough drama, we didnt need to fracture the team again. and cas was??? where exactly??? be was human for at least half of that season but hey didnt know what to do w him so they chucked him in a convenience store??? good lord.

• s10: got no suggestions for that one, just toss it

• s11: ok... shes cute.... we can forgive her.... the lore is shaky at best but the episodes SLAP and the characterization is *chefs kiss*. it's been a hot minute since I've seen it so if smth sucked I dont remember and I plan to keep it that way!!!!

• s12: n.. no. no mary. no mary unless we're doing it right. and I promise u doing it right was not poorly ripping off kingsman. couldve brought back bobby!!! if they desperately wanted some drama couldve brought back john!!! actually fuck that, no way

• s13-15: no thoughts, only jack kline <3

#holy fuck im so sorry <3 #shut up cereal #asks #long post #spn critical #hate tagging my posts as that bc i dont wanna b one of ~Those~ but i dont want ppl coming after me 4 this #theres probably like 100000 things i forgot!!! feel free to add ur own!!!!#there are some seasons i only ever watched once very very long ago....#and tbh classic spn is the freshest in my mind so im focusing on her #spn #supernatural

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goldenfawnwriting · 3 years

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Birds Of A Feather - Part 14 Hawks Fic

Summary: Finch has changed, for the better or for worse?

A/N: Just got a new laptop for my birthday and I’m absolutely in love with it, only thing- the keyboard lights turn off when they go inactive and my eyesight is awful so when I go to start typing again I often mess up lol. Fun times tho.

Warnings: Angst, violence, abuse by the commission.

It was late, Hawks was sitting up watching the news. That was when he got a call from an unknown number. Usually he wouldn’t answer to numbers he didn’t know, for fear of his phone number getting leaked but, for some reason a heavy feeling settled in his gut and he clicked answer quickly.

“H-Hawks?”

“Who is this?”

“It’s Asami, Starlight.”

“Oh you’re Finch’s best friend right?”

“Ya actually, I was calling about Kore. I haven’t heard from her in awhile-”

“She’s been training for the commission. It’s been non-stop.”

There was a pause from the other side of the phone and then Asami continued.

“Well, is she doing alright? She doesn’t usually ignore me like this.”

“U-uh,”

He contemplated telling Asami with the hope that she could help but he also didn’t want to worry her and end up getting her hurt.

“Ya, she’s doing great actually, she’s even tried flying a little.”

Asami gasped and made a little excited squeak.

“That’s amazing!”

“Ya, I’m sure she’ll give you a call soon, she’s just been super busy and worn out with all the work so...”

He trailed off. He hoped to god she wouldn’t try and go visit her or call. He feared Finch may snap on her or worse, him.

“Ok, well, I’ll let you go, sorry for disturbing you, I just thought I didn’t want to bother her so I’d call you. Y’know, she was really upset when you stopped visiting her in the hospital.”

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“Ya I know... I just couldn’t get too close to her without the commission riding my ass about it. We talked it out though.”

They definitely hadn’t talked out all the harbored feelings with that situation but, he’d address that later.

“Ok, well, let her know I called! Thanks Hawks~”

“No problem!”

He replied before she hung up, letting his throw his phone down on the couch and run a hand down his face with a sigh. He’d never be able to get to sleep at this rate. All he’d been able to do was worry about Finch since the last time he’d seen her, a couple days ago. He turned off his TV, making a decision.

As he flew through the night sky he couldn’t help but wonder if he was making the right decision. Would he be making the situation worse? Stressing her out more? When he got to her window he paused, his wings flapping to keep him in place. He sighed, sliding it open and pulling himself inside the dark bedroom. Maybe he should’ve went through the balcony door, he thought, stepping into the room. He spotted her passed out in her bed, curled up tight in a ball. He left his eyes on her for a moment longer before letting out what he thought was a silent sigh but man was he wrong. Finch popped out of bed at the speed of light and was immediately coming at him before he could even realize what was happening.

“Finch, Finch, it’s me!”

He yelled, grabbing her to stop her. She struggled against him, throwing punch after punch, Hawks blocking each one before finally grabbing her by the arms and turning her around, pinning her down on the bed roughly.

“Kore, it’s me Keigo!”

She was panting hard, and then suddenly, it was like she was back to normal again.

“K-keigo?”

She croaked in a hoarse voice. He could tell she had been crying.

“Keigo, what’s h-happening to me?”

She whimpered. Hawks wanted to let her up again but was still worried that she’d try and attack him again.

“Dove, you’ve gotta calm down, then I’ll let you go and we can talk.”

He tried to say gently, he was still panting, trying to prepare himself for the next round, if she decided to attack him again.

“Keigo I don’t know what’s happening-”

Her voice broke off into a harsh sob and Hawks could feel his heart break for her. She was in so much pain, so much torment.

“Come on lovebird, I know you can do this, just breathe, we can fix this.”

It was like she was a mechanical warrior, like she was following a string of commands. Her wings finally relaxed, no long pushing against him and folding to her back. He sighed, finally trusting that she was calm again as her feathers smoothed down and her breathing evened. He let her up slowly, bracing himself for if he had to contain her again.

“Just go slow birdie, no quick moves.”

“Y-you don’t trust m-me?”

“You’ve gotta understand Finch, I’m in a whole new situation also.”

^^^

They sat on her couch, far away from eachother as Hawks questioned her.

“What was that about?”

“I don’t know, I just did it.”

“You just did it?”

“Yes- It’s like I couldn’t control myself...”

“What have they been doing to you?”

She paused.

“What do you mean?”

He ran a hand down his face. Maybe it was different for him to grow up learning this, they had more time to teach him things, so they didn’t have to rush, they could be a little more gentle with him but, for her they were trying to pump out a new hero as fast as they could. No time for her to absorb anything but being threatened with her life.

“What kind of training are you doing Finch?”

“T-they just put me in a room, everything is black, no lights or anything, they play really loud static noise and then they come.”

“They come?”

“People start to attack me. They take away my sight and hearing and then they start attacking me, I think it’s 3 different people but I’m not sure, sometimes it less, sometimes it’s more. Then I just have to.. I don’t know, survive? Sense them and react?”

He was silent.

“What else?”

“Am I going to get in trouble for telling you this? You can’t go to them, I’ll get in a lot of trouble-”

“What else Finch.”

He growled, his feathers puffing up.

“U-uh... They do it under water too... I get in a pool, they blindfold me, and then I fight someone. That’s always one on one, never more. Recently they’d been putting me through flight training. Fast paced obstacle courses and stuff like that. Fighting in the air.”

“Have they been giving you any breaks?”

“Not usually no. Not until they let me go home. They don’t tell me the time very often. They just bring in food sometimes and let me eat and rest.”

That’s why he hasn’t seen her barely any at work anymore. She’s been occupied fully. No breaks. That’s why she’s so paranoid, why she randomly attacked him earlier. She doesn’t know anything but danger. She hasn’t had any time to process this.

“Finch, you’ve gotta stop this, we’ve got to give you a break, you’re stressing yourself way too much-”

“I can’t take a break now Keigo. I’ll lose everything I’ve worked so hard for. I can’t give it up now, I definitely can’t go through all this over again.”

She looked so tired. So exhausted. Like she hadn’t seen peace in weeks. And he knew she hadn’t. The commission was ruthless. This was their best creation yet, and the poor girl just happened to get caught in the middle of their aspirations. He had done this. It was his fault, he brought it up to the commission, he had convinced her to go through with it.

“Finch, you’re gonna work yourself to death, this isn’t healthy. They need to cool it, you don’t have to be a hero tomorrow for god’s sake-”

“I want to be a hero as soon as possible. It’s my fault for not being better, they wouldn’t have to do this if I would just learn-”

“No Finch! That’s not how this is supposed to work! You’re not supposed to be some machine! You’re not a soldier that does whatever they want! There is no reason to be working so stupidly hard, you’re going to keel over at this rate.”

She didn’t reply, tears brimming her eyes. She couldn’t stop now, she was so close to her goal. She was so close to being exactly the way they wanted her to be.

Keigo ran a hand down his face and scooted closer, gingerly pulling her into his lap and hugging her tightly.

“Finch, babybird, we have to stop this, your heart is gonna give out with the stress.”

“I-I c-can’t!”

She sobbed, her face buried in his chest. He ran nimble fingers through her hair, the feeling relaxing her slightly. Her heart was beating so fast he was concerned. This couldn’t be good for her physical health, let alone her mental health.

“Lets get you back to bed dove, have you ate recently?”

She shook her head into his chest but when he went to stand her hands clenched around his jacket.

“P-pleas- d-don’t le-leave me..”

He didn’t reply at first, trying to figure out what her problem was.

“I k-keep having n-nightmares, p-please d-don’t leave me a-alone...”

She whimpered. A coo erupted from his throat before he could even process it, his wings fluffing up and enveloping her.

“You’re safe birdie, I’ve got you, I’m not going anywhere. Lets get you something to eat and go to bed ok?”

He had no choice but to pick her up as he made his way into the kitchen area, setting her down on the counter and pulling her shaking hands off of him so he could get something for her to eat. He had to force himself to let go of her but he knew she needed something to eat desperately.

After eating some yogurt and granola he picked her back up, holding her tight to his body before he had an even better idea than going to her bedroom.

“Hey Kore? Wanna go to my place? I think you’ll have a better time sleeping there.”

And so he flew them back to his apartment, holding onto her tightly before laying her down onto his bed. He knew it would feel safer for her, it would smell like him. He laid down next to her after peeling his jacket off and she curled up into him, letting him pull her close as her breathing evened and she fell asleep.

#hawks #mha #mha hawks #bnha hawks #bnha #keigo #keigo takami

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raleighliving · 3 years

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Raleigh Apartment Culture

So I'm of the mind that Raleigh is a great place to live. It has my favorite things, my favorite people, and I'm too broke to move anywhere else.

Raleigh works for me, but I recognize it doesn't work for everyone. Some people had less than ideal childhoods and wanna escape the state ASAP, some just want to live closer to their dream jobs or have new opportunities. That's all fine, but what if this describes where you are now?

What if, for the sake of argument, you're outside of NC and wanna move in? Moving is expensive, time-consuming, and risky at the best of times; so you wanna make sure that wherever you're landing is at least as good as where you started 90% of the time

"But RL," I hear you say, "you make Raleigh sound like an idyllic dreamscape populated with parks and a diverse kumbayah of peoples living in harmony"

I do talk about Raleigh in a positive light but, like a life saving medicine flavored like ass, sometimes you have to take the good with the bad.

So before you spend thousands of dollars on moving vans, boxes, and grits; here's a crash course on what it's like living in a Raleigh apartment, coming from someone whose majority of Raleigh Living (heh) has been in apartments.

First off, location. Any realtor will tell you that location is 80% of the sale to sound profound, and as anyone who has lived in the middle of ass-backward nowhere can tell you: It sucks having to drive 30 minutes to go anywhere.

Good news: With the Raleigh Beltline and connecting roads, there are very few places in Raleigh where your trip will last longer than thirty minutes one-way. Bad News: where you set down still matters because cutting down on travel is important for car and mental health.

North Raleigh is different from south Raleigh is different from northwest Raleigh, and the locals aren't the only difference you'll find between locations. Each segment of Raleigh has something to offer, with easier access to some attractions than others and neighboring cities for when you need something outside the RDU area.

Using downtown as the center of our wheel, people generally divide Raleigh into North and South Raleigh (with distinction given for NW, SE, NE, etc when needed). N.Raleigh is considered generally more upscale, a slice of suburban living interspersed with plenty of shopping centers for families and the moderately wealthy; but it's boring as all hell.

Want some fun? Excitement in the evenings and a more traditional urban experience with bars, night clubs, strip clubs, and more? South Raleigh is your best bet, at the cost of being the "sketchy" side of Raleigh. That kind of place where you'll see a bunch of auto shops that look abandoned but haven't been closed in the past 5 years and there's at least one customer from time to time.

Of course, this is a lot of generalizing but you'll find that it's still mostly accurate. The main exception in this is Capital Blvd, a highway cutting across north and south Raleigh on the eastern half of the city; a high crime corridor that's undergoing some changes in the northern half that have (somewhat) reduced crime but most people will still associate that area with the majority of Raleigh's crime and debauchery.

More importantly, is the distinction Raleigh citizens put on inside the beltline versus outside the beltline. The I-440 and 540 highways that wrap around Downtown form the mythical beltline, and to a degree what you have access to. Inside the beltline is the majority of workplaces, stores, and shopping centers; while outside you'll still have these things just to a more... dispersed extent.

North Raleigh actually kinda exemplifies this perfectly. Living inside the beltline, you have access to places like North Hills, Crabtree Valley mall, and Triangle Town Center. Live outside the beltline, like I currently am, and you're looking at 10 to 15 minutes to the nearest sheetz for that late night double hot dog fix.

So for point one: How important is it that you're near things? The majority of apartments and rental properties are in or around the belt-line, but if you want to save some cash on rent checks the cheaper properties are gonna extend your trips a bit.

Next, what can you expect in terms of neighbors? Does Raleigh have a hip party scene full of teens renting cheap apartments and blasting trap music at 3AM?

Depends on where you live

I swear not every point is going to be this, but there's an important distinction this time that affects the type of people your complex will likely have surrounding you; are you in North or South Raleigh?

North Raleigh has a ton of pre-schools, k-12 public schools (Leesville, Hillburn, Lead Mine, just to name a few), and office complexes that make up the job market. As a result the majority of apartment renters in north Raleigh tend to be families with a few small kids or so.

As a result, living off of Glenwood North and Edwards Mill I never had any noise problems from neighbors, the worst being kids playing outside at 3PM sounding like they were being murdered (which apparently is a common thing and I apologize to any neighbors I frightened with ghastly shrieks).

What I did have a problem with, however, was the typical Karen's you hear people complain about online. Renting a property now, we have access to our neighborhood's NextDoor page and it's hilarious sometimes to go on and read the comments, but living at a certain property we had a sort of mini-Facebook for residents

That thing was always full of either people who were moving out looking to sell their furniture or people passive-aggressively challenging each other/the apartment managers with comments about things happening around the complex.

Once I logged in to see one man accuse another, without ever actually accusing someone specific ("I know who did it and they should be ashamed" type post) of putting glass beer bottles under the tires of his truck to try and puncture them. Everyone acts civil in public, but then online they'll stir the pot harder than a chef with a hand mixer.

South Raleigh, you have the schools like Shaw University, Meredith, and NCSU; so the people renting down there are typically college kids. You'll see more apartments that cater towards them like University Village or University Woods, but sometimes these places will cater to both college kids and working adults

Avoid these places like the plague, because despite sometimes having a lower cost to live there the neighbors and their shenanigans will drive you up the wall (unless you're the type to join in, then go wild).

I've had friends stay at places like University Village and The Proper (formerly The Vie, formerly Wolf Creek) who've shared horror stories. 3AM parties ending in property damage or vomit in inconvenient places, drug deals not even trying to be subtle, and maintenance workers doing nothing because regardless of the apartment conditions; no school's gonna pull their contract with them unless news articles start getting written.

http://www.technicianonline.com/news/article_898ddf34-82f5-11e7-b3d8-07059d248619.html

https://www.wral.com/vie-at-raleigh-residents-finally-able-to-move-into-clean-units/16887833/

http://www.technicianonline.com/news/article_ea8ed7aa-a092-11e8-a2af-e70af36566d0.html

Otherwise, south Raleigh apartments are largely like north Raleigh apartments; except the crime rate tends to be a little higher and you'll run into more singles and people working full time.

Otherwise, Raleigh apartment culture is like apartment culture anywhere else in the country. You have a mix of apartments catering to those just looking to live versus more ostentatious luxury apartments with fancy pools, exercise facilities, and tech packages to draw people in.

If you're renting in Raleigh, however, do try to get a roommate or two if you can manage. Even with a decent job paying 800+ on a one bedroom one bath apartment can be exhausting at best, but with even one other person that can functionally halve your expenses

So if you're a young professional, or a student, or even if you have a small family, I can safely recommend renting in Raleigh. There's plenty of places that'll accommodate you, and cater towards your needs.

But what about everyone else? Are there people who shouldn't rent in Raleigh?

But there are groups who I'd seriously ask to consider their other choices before picking Raleigh as a destination for their new home.

For instance, are you a member of the LGBT community? A trans or non-binary individual? Well then, first off, I want you to know that you're loved and valid. I'm accepting of who you are and appreciate everyone's right to identify how they choose, but I'm not everyone.

Raleigh's bluer than other parts of North Carolina, as I've stated in other blog write-ups, but it's still part of North Carolina unfortunately and as a result, you'll face some challenges.

I doubt anyone's gonna burn a cross in your yard or knock over your mailbox, but Raleigh doesn't offer LGBT protections for housing, jobs, or credit/lending discriminations according to the Movement Advancement Project's website.

We have support organizations for LGBT and NB individuals, plenty of high schools and colleges have Gay-Straight Alliance clubs, and there are numerous businesses downtown that cater specifically to those individuals... but we're also the state that got into a lot of hot water because of a stupid bathroom bill, and our politicians are trying to pass anti-trans sports legislation (because they now magically care about the integrity of womens sports).

By that measure, but to a lesser extent, if you fall outside the Liberal/Conservative political spectrum then be prepared to have no one to discuss your politics with outside of a few sparse networks like the DSA.

Additionally, if you don't have someone to room with or a significant other to split costs with; you may want to try searching somewhere a little cheaper.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Raleigh housing prices aren't terrible for a major metropolitan city, but we're not the best prices in the world.

You can get prices on apartments and rentals lower than say, California or New York. However, compared to other parts of NC like Greensboro or Garner; rentals are still a bit much.

On average, a Raleigh apartment can run you about $900 for a single bedroom and a single bathroom. You can find cheaper, but often times there's some risk associated (Crime levels, quality of the room, quality of the property manager, etc.) Looking for a two bedroom? Then your average price is gonna jump up to around $1,200, and this is all before utilities and cable come into play.

It's true a lot of companies around here will pay more than the $7.25 minimum wage, but most low-skilled jobs will pay around 10-11 an hour.

I guess though, that's kind of an obvious statement. "Don't live in Raleigh if you can't afford to live in Raleigh."

I might expand on these thoughts at a later time, but hopefully for now I've given you some food for thought; or at the very least an entertaining read for a few minutes.

I love my city, and I love the friends I've made in it, but the sad truth is that nowhere is perfect for everyone; leastways Raleigh. If Raleigh sounds like the kind of place you'd like to live in, at least take a day trip to come visit and see how things go that way. Visit some stores, meet some locals, and form an opinion off of more than travel blogs and youtube videos.

#raleigh #North Carolina #NC #north carolina #travel #photography #urban photography #city life #city #city of raleigh #advice

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dajokahhh · 3 years

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Alright, time for some pretentious sociological-esque rambling. This is gonna be long as hell (its 1822 words to be specific) and I don’t begrudge anyone for not having the patience to read my over-thought perspectives on a murder clown. CWs for: child abuse,

I think a lot of things have to go wrong in someone’s life for them to decide to become a clown themed supervillain. A lot of people in Gotham have issues but they don’t become the Joker. I think that as a writer it’s an interesting topic to explore, and this is especially true for roleplaying where a character might be in different scenarios or universes. This isn’t some peer reviewed or researched essay, it’s more my own personal beliefs and perspectives as they affect my writing. I think villains, generally, reflect societal understandings or fears about the world around us. This is obviously going to mean villains shift a lot over time and the perspective of the writer. In my case, I’m a queer, fat, mentally ill (cluster B personality disorder specifically) woman-thing who holds some pretty socialist ideas and political perspectives. My educational background is in history and legal studies. This definitely impacts how I write this character, how I see crime and violence, and how my particular villains reflect my understandings of the society I live in. I want to get this stuff out of the way now so that my particular take on what a potential origin story of a version of the Joker could be makes more sense.

Additionally, these backstory factors I want to discuss aren’t meant to excuse someone’s behaviour, especially not the fucking Joker’s of all people. It’s merely meant to explain how a person (because as far as we know that’s all he is) could get to that point in a way that doesn’t blame only one factor or chalk it up to “this is just an evil person.” I don’t find that particularly compelling as a writer or an audience member, so I write villains differently. I also don’t find it to be particularly true in real life either. If you like that style of writing or see the Joker or other fictional villains in this way, that’s fine. I’m not here to convince anyone they’re wrong, especially not when it comes to people’s perspectives on the nature of evil or anything that lofty. Nobody has to agree with me, or even like my headcanons; they’re just here to express the very specific position I’m writing from.

The first thing I wanna do is set up some terms. These aren’t academic or anything, but I want to use specific and consistent phrasing for this post. When it comes to the factors that screw up someone’s life significantly (and in some instances push people towards crime), I’ll split them into micro and macro factors. Micro factors are interpersonal and personal issues, so things like personality traits, personal beliefs, mental health, family history, where and how someone is raised, and individual relationships with the people around them. Macro factors are sociological and deal with systems of oppression, cultural or social trends/norms, political and legal restrictions and/or discrimination, etc. These two groups of factors interact, sometimes in a fashion that is causative and sometimes not, but they aren’t entirely separate and the line between what is a micro vs macro issue isn’t always fixed or clear.

We’ll start in and work out. For this character, the micro factors are what determine the specifics of his actions, demeanor, and aesthetic. I think the main reason he’s the Joker and not just some guy with a whole lot of issues is his world view combined with his personality. He has a very pessimistic worldview, one that is steeped in a very toxic form of individualism, cynicism, and misanthropy. His life experience tells him the world is a cold place where everyone is on their own. To him the world is not a moral place. He doesn’t think people in general have much value. He learned at a young age that his life had no value to others, and he has internalized that view and extrapolated it to the world at large; if his life didn’t matter and doesn’t matter, why would anyone else’s? This worldview, in the case of my specific Joker, comes from a childhood rife with abandonment, abuse, and marginalization. While I will say he is definitively queer (in terms fo gender expression and non conformity, and sexuality), I’m not terribly interested in giving specific diagnoses of any mental health issues. Those will be discussed more broadly and in terms of specific symptoms with relation to how they affect the Joker’s internal experience, and externalized behaviours.

His childhood was, to say the least, pretty fucked up. The details I do have for him are that he was surrendered at birth because his parents, for some reason, did not want to care for him or could not care for him; which it was, he isn’t sure. He grew up effectively orphaned, and ended up in the foster care system. He wasn’t very “adoptable”; he had behavioural issues, mostly violent behaviours towards authority figures and other children. He never exactly grew out of these either, and the older he got the harder it was to actually be adopted. His legal name was Baby Boy Doe for a number of years, but the name he would identify the most with is Jack. Eventually he took on the surname of one of his more stable foster families, becoming Jack Napier as far as the government was concerned. By the time he had that stability in his mid to late teens, however, most of the damage had already been done. In his younger years he was passed between foster families and government agencies, always a ward of the government, something that would follow him to his time in Arkham and Gotham’s city jails. Some of his foster families were decent, others were just okay, but some were physically and psychologically abusive. This abuse is part of what defines his worldview and causes him to see the world as inherently hostile and unjust. It also became one of the things that taught him that violence is how you solve problems, particularly when emotions run high.

This was definitely a problem at school too; moving around a lot meant going to a lot of different schools. Always being the new student made him a target, and being poor, exhibiting increasingly apparent signs of some sort of mental illness or disorder, and being typically suspected as queer (even moreso as he got into high school) typically did more harm than good for him. He never got to stay anywhere long enough to form deep relationships, and even in the places where he did have more time to do that he often ended up isolated from his peers. He was often bullied, sometimes just verbally but often physically which got worse as he got older and was more easily read as queer. This is part of why he’s so good at combat and used to taking hits; he’s been doing it since he was a kid, and got a hell of a lot of practice at school. He would tend to group up with other kids like him, other outcasts or social rejects, which in some ways meant being around some pretty negative influences in terms of peers. A lot of his acquaintances were fine, but some were more... rebellious and ended up introducing Jack to things like drinking, smoking cigarettes, using recreational drugs, and most important to his backstory, to petty crimes like theft and vandalism, sometimes even physical fights. This is another micro factor in that maybe if he had different friends, or a different school experience individually, he might have avoided getting involved in criminal activities annd may have been able to avoid taking up the mantle of The Joker.

Then there’s how his adult life has reinforced these experiences and beliefs. Being institutionalized, dealing with police and jails, and losing what little support he had as a minor and foster child just reinforced his worldview and told him that being The Joker was the right thing to do, that he was correct in his actions and perspectives. Becoming The Joker was his birthday present to himself at age 18, how he ushered himself into adulthood, and I plan to make a post about that on its own. But the fact that he decided to determine this part of his identity so young means that this has defined how he sees himself as an adult. It’s one of the last micro factors (when in life he adopted this identity) that have gotten him so entrenched in his typical behaviours and self image.

As for macro factors, a lot of them have to do specifically with the failing of Gotham’s institutions. Someone like Bruce Wayne, for example, was also orphaned and also deals with trauma; the difference for the Joker is that he had no safety net to catch him when he fell (or rather, was dropped). Someone like Wayne could fall into the cushioning of wealth and the care of someone like Alfred, whereas the Joker (metaphorically) hit the pavement hard and alone. Someone like the Joker should never have become the Joker in the first place because the systems in place in Gotham should have seen every red flag and done something to intervene; this just didn’t happen for him, and not out of coincidence but because Gotham seems like a pretty corrupt place with a lot of systemic issues. Critically underfunded social services (healthcare, welfare, children & family services) that result in a lack of resources for the people who need them and critically underfunded schools that can’t offer extra curricular activities or solid educations that allow kids to stay occupied and develop life skills are probably the most directly influential macro factors that shaped Jack into someone who could resent people and the society around him so much that he’d lose all regard for it to the point of exacting violence against others. There’s also the reality of living in a violent culture, and in violent neighbourhoods exacerbated by poverty, poor policing or overpolicing, and being raised as a boy and then a young man with certain gendered expectations about violence but especially ideas/narratives that minimalize or excuse male violence (especially when it comes to bullying or violent peer-to-peer behaviour under the guise of ‘boys will be boys’).

Beyond that, there’s the same basic prejudices and societal forces that affect so many people: classism, homphobia/queerphobia, (toxic) masculinity/masculine expectations, and ableism (specifically in regards to people who are mentally ill or otherwise neurodivergent) stand out as the primary factors. I’m touching on these broadly because if I were to talk about them all, they would probably need their own posts just to illustrate how they affect this character. But they definitely exist in Gotham if it’s anything like the real world, and I think it’s fair to extrapolate that these kinds of these exist in Gotham and would impact someone like The Joker with the background I’ve given him.

I have no idea how to end this so if you got this far, thank you for reading!

#clown in command ; ooc #i've got a million of 'em ; headcanon

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smolbeandrabbles · 4 years

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Protector - Director Orson Krennic x Reader 3 (Rogue One)

Gif Credit: X

I Think He Knows (Part 1) / Hero (Part 2)

Author’s Note: Just when you thought they were gonna get away with this...

Part 3 of this series that has come from the brilliant mind of @purebloodwitch ❤

I got you your angst and drama this time 😉😉

She also introduced me to this song Protector - City Wolf and quite honestly if it isn’t the theme, not just for this series, but for this couple then I don’t know what is! Give it a listen, it’s a truly excellent track! 👌🎉

* I spelled Scarif correct this time-!

Disclaimer: Rogue One characters not mine / lyrics not mine / gifs not mine / I’m sure I take liberties with the SW universe... but here we are!

Premise: In the aftermath of your actions on Scarif, you are reprimanded and grounded until further notice. The Empire need you, however - and are about to make you an offer they think you can’t refuse...

Words: 6762

Warnings: Swearing / angst/hurt

______ You don't have to be alone all by yourself Tired of doing things just to save your mental health You made a wish and then you lost it down the wishing well But when you're with me There's no need to be So tell me is there somewhere else that you wanna go? Cause you've been running round in circles, stuck in slow-mo I've got that feeling that you really wanna hit the door If you've lost the fight Then let's win the war When you're tired of hiding And you've gotta run, hop right in Sit shotgun, I'm driving I'll be your protector Who's gonna be there when Everything is tumbling down? Who's gonna be there when You fall to keep you off of the ground? I'll be your shelter They'll never get ya So stay with me and I'll be your protector No it ain't easy to survive up in these city streets Lookin' for someone to help you when you scrape your knees Takin' too many punches, now it's getting hard to breathe I'll be your reason so you can believe Are you waiting for someone? Just hold on, here I come To fix when you're undone You're standing on the edge now, stay close I'm going twelve rounds, ready for another dose Steel chin, and a fist made of metal Look at my face, serious as a heart attack Comin' in your corner, shades on, dressed in black I'll be your shelter They'll never get ya So stay with me and I'll be your protector ---

News of the aftermath of your involvement with the battle over Scarif reached the upper echelons of the Empire a little slower than you expected. That or they had to deliberate a long time on it. Funnily enough the rumours swelled first and a lot of the lower ranked officers now liked staring at you in awe. “Is she the one that decked Tarkin-!?” “She’s got balls-! Damn-!”

That joy didn’t last too long though. And you eventually got called into your commanding officers office and reprimanded. (Although apparently his personal opinion was good on you) However, his opinion didn’t count for much and they grounded you until further notice. When you politely enquired as to how long that would be, no one could tell you, or refused to entertain the question.

Tully was right though; they didn’t take your ship away or demote you. They’d need you in this war with the Rebellion and would probably spring something on you without a moments warning. Which meant although you were grounded, your ship was still out there in space - Jerod at the helm until you came back. You supposed you were lucky they didn’t give her to someone else - but wondered, with the way you’d built up your crew, how many would mutiny at the very idea of someone else as their captain.

Krennic now has some spare time on his hands and was trying to gather his reputation again. Now he found his project load a lot quieter, they had him running some mundane intelligence missions. Which meant you found him hanging around Coruscant a lot, drawing. Often when you were running back and forth between military briefings. Because grounded you may have been, but in the know you still were. Which was great, because he’d always be waiting in just the right place, and you could give him updates. Although the first couple of times he did it Krennic did manage to startle you, until you caught on: “Are you following me-!?” “Knowing where you are at all times is my job.” “The Bureau has you tailing me-!?” “No...” he tipped his head “I just figure you’re going to be the one who has the vital information on what I’ve been asked to do - therefore, who better to tail?” He had a point you supposed; but his stalking meant that sometimes you got to admire his architectural sketches and it was one of your favourite parts of the day. If you had time you liked to sit and ask what he was working on. Perhaps gather some intelligence of your own that you could take into your next meeting, and of course, give him a kiss on the cheek before you hurried off that Orson so thoroughly deserved.

***

Eventually you started receiving offers for work elsewhere. Though you weren’t looking to be anywhere but back on The Resolution right now. And then, one evening you got an offer that was far more interesting, pinged into your inbox. ‘Y/N, I am under the impression that you dislike being grounded. As I have been notified that you are consistently requesting a timeframe on the ending of this. There is a way around staying here, and it’s fairly simple. Grand Moff Tarkin will be on Coruscant in the coming days for final preparations in the efforts against the rebellion. Meet me tomorrow and we can discuss arranging a briefing with him. Further details to follow.’

Of course the first thing you did was alert your intelligence beau to the meeting time and place. For one, it seemed awfully shady - even if it was going to get you in the sky again - and you didn’t really want to turn up to a meeting like this without backup. When you walked cautiously into the government building, Krennic was already there - leaning so casually against an inlying colonnade he almost blended in. You paid each other no mind as you continued to walk through into the main hallway. It appeared deserted; save for the single person you knew you were here to meet. “General L/N.” You held you hand out to shake with a smile; “Baryon, I hear you can get me off the ground again.” “Indeed I can - if you’re ready?” You laughed, politely, “Far more than ready. If only you’d presented the solution earlier-!” He smiled, but it was thin, and lacked warmth. Immediately you were on high guard, you didn’t like where this could go; “Yes.” When he offered no more conversation, you prompted; “I believe your email message told me it was simple...?” “Very. If you would be inclined to apologise to Tarkin.” You very nearly scoffed, but decided you might be able to swallow your pride on that one to get your crew back. “Oh. Yeah, that doesn’t sound so hard. Forgive and forget and all that.” You hoped you didn’t sound as sarcastic as you seemed “Yes,” he nodded, “There is one other, small thing...” This was where it started becoming less easy, you decided. “Go ahead.” “The Death Star plans.” Ah, shit, here we go... “What of them?” You feigned ignorance. “Well it’s no secret that you and Director Krennic are close.” You didn’t exactly appreciate the way Baryon decided to say it either, causing your response to sound affronted. “Correct.” “Well. Then you must have access, or at least know a way to gain access to his files?” You folded your arms, “Mhm.” In fact, you knew all of Krennic’s passwords and where he stored all his backup drives too, but you weren’t about to tell this man that “You could say that.” “Then this should be easy for you.” He spread his hands as if it was all so obvious. “You haven’t told me what I’m supposed to do, yet.” “It’s simple. We need the plans, Krennic has them - you’re our in.” You blinked a couple of times, “Sorry... let me get this straight... you would like me to steal the Death Star plans, for you-!? After someone – the Rebellion, I might add! - just attempted the same thing on Scarif!?” “Steal? He’ll simply give them to you.” You’d have laughed the guy out of the building right then and there if you didn’t think this information intriguing. Krennic wouldn’t let you touch any of that unless it was over his dead body. Especially not now. “What if he says no?” “Someone with as much insight into the Director as you must have a way... Charm him.” Sleep with him to get the plans? Was that what they were really suggesting? You bit your lips together; Well. Looks like I’m still grounded. “What if I refuse?” “Then you won’t get back to your beloved Resolution.” You tipped your head, pretending for a moment that it was a hard choice. At least Jerod was in charge. But there was no way in hell that you could do that to Krennic. Not after all this. “I’m sorry. I can’t do what you’re asking of me.” Baryon’s face fell for a second before he tried again, “If you will not charm him - force him. You can give it up now, Krennic’s next to worthless...” He gave a shrug “and when you give us those plans, he’ll be even more so.” Your eyes narrowed; “Give what up?” “The front.” “What front?” “The relationship.” Suddenly the Empire’s angle on your relationship came into focus, and your relatively stoic nonchalance for the whole situation became a hard glare – and you put all your agitation into your words; “I ask again - What. Front.” “Ah, God. You’re not actually in love with him-!?” You measured him up for half a second, deciding he was serious; “Fuck you. This conversation is over.” “General-!” You wheeled around from the walk away you’d already begun, deciding to correct him first; “High General. You thinking I’d give the plans up was laughable, before what you just said. Don’t you ever contact me again.” Baryon sighed, and none too gently; “The next person that comes for them won’t be half as nice...” You scoffed, opting to return to your walk away before answering back; “Let them come. My answer will be the same-!!”

Your mind was reeling. Was that the only way back-!? Giving up everything your partner had worked so hard for to the other side? All that research!!? They had the weapon, and had stolen that from him too, what the hell did they want with the rest of it? To take everything about his greatest achievement away so he couldn’t use it? Well then they’d want all the backups too, wouldn’t they? They’d have to know he made copies. Someone would certainly know, who could casually drop it into conversation – and you wouldn’t put it passed anyone who wanted to climb the ladder by pushing someone else off it. They’d want him to destroy all his copies? Maybe they wondered what could be on them that the rebels would want? Maybe they just couldn’t work the damn thing without him and we’re too stubborn to admit it.

You slowed only when you approached the colonnades again, knowing he would still be there. And would have heard every word. Your eyes darted to both sides searching for him and eventually Krennic had to clear his throat to get your attention. You checked you weren’t being followed before you strolled over to him; “Can you believe this shit-!?” “Yes. To be honest.” Orson leant his head back to gaze at the ceiling “Thank God you said no!” “You know what they’re trying to do right!?” “Use us against one another...” He mused, “luckily I can trust you and know it won’t work. But this time it’s personal – and they are out for blood, clear as day.” “Well what have intelligence asked you for-!?” “Checking in on all your movements, they know what happened on Scarif, Y/N - they want to know your reasons.” “Are you telling me they think I’m working with the rebels-!?” “I didn’t say that.” Though the look on his face gave his true answer “FUCK-!” You thought twice about punching the stone; “What is this!?” “Easy. They want you back up there and me with nothing. But I already cleared you, so, that’s probably why he sent you the message in the first place. Doesn’t mean I won’t be keeping an eye on you.” “Orson...” You shook your head, “Babe, you know I would never...” “Of course I do. Don’t worry about it. But they’ll want me to relay this conversation. Byron might even report back that you were on the verge of agreement...” Krennic tipped his head, “One thing is clear they want us apart,” he pointed behind him, “this has all come from Tarkin, Make no mistake...” You breathed out gently, in agreement “Yeah. I know that. I do know that...”

*** The agent was right – he wasn’t the only one who tried to solicit you with promises of getting back into space if you only handed over the Death Star documents. Most of the time they got a snarky reply back like; Well if Tarkin hadn’t destroyed Scarif there would be plans there-! And by the fifth time, when they got a little more urgent and a lot less polite about it – you were getting sick of repeating yourself. “Do you actually have copies of all your work just lying around?” Krennic paused his stroll across the living room and turned back to you cautiously; “…Why?” “Well this would be simpler if there weren’t any.” He looked momentarily horrified – “You know damn well how long that research took me! Took US! Everyone that worked on this project – that’s ALL we have left. My copies.” You held your hands up defensively, hoping he didn’t think that it would cross your mind even once to deliver the Empire those copies. For one, you thought they ought to be coming to him for them. Why weren’t they, was a more interesting question. Maybe they just wanted to see how far they could push your relationship – they’d be sorry they ever did. “…I’m just thinking that if they were somewhere I didn’t know about, we’d be safer?” He inclined his head slightly, piercing blue eyes squinting at you; “We’d?” “…We’ve both been thinking it Orson, this is about FAR more than just the plans. And I’m-” Scared? Worried? Upset? Angry? All of the above? You swallowed and opted not to continue. Krennic strode back to you slowly, holding his hand out to take yours; “Darling, we’ll be fine… But if it would make you feel better, I can move all my research somewhere safer – that you won’t have access to. Therefore when they enquire, you really won’t know.” You used his outstretched hand to pull yourself up and into his arms; “Babe, I’m just-” you buried your face into his shoulder and mumbled it; “I don’t know what’s going on.” He kissed your hair softly, his own voice quiet and thoughtful; “I’ll look into it, okay? Someone in the Bureau must know what’s going on. Be careful, I don’t like it either. Not when it’s this persistent.” You pulled away from him – voice suddenly commanding; “Hide those plans, Director.” Orson smiled gently at the dead serious look on your face, “Yes M’am.”

So he did so – and you had no idea where. Before you knew it his digging around in intelligence had him exploring leads off planet, and upon your instruction to follow them, Krennic had to kiss you goodbye. “Just, keep me updated. Discreetly.” “Of course. You be careful down here. And if they do call you back, well, obviously I want to be the first to congratulate you…” He smirked over the word congratulate and you shook your head, “Well you better be ready to get your new ship over to mine then.” “Ah-! You heard!” He grinned. Of course you knew – people within engineering had already complained loudly enough before, when he’d had the first ship built. After it’d been ruined on Scarif, Krennic needed a new one – but he wanted an upgraded version, faster, lighter, sleeker. And you had heard the screaming from your office: “HE WANTS WHAT-!? I’M NOT BUILDING THAT OBSOLETE MODEL FOR A SECOND TIME!!!” And had simply chuckled into your coffee. It had been built though, but you hadn’t seen it yet. “It’s faster than the old one, I’d be with you in no time.” “Good…” You couldn’t help but smirk back, and brush your lips to his one more time; “Then you can get that ass of yours in my bed.”

*** It was hard being away from him, considering you’d both had to be here for so long and by now you’d grown used to his company. But it got interesting when the Resolution got pulled into docking. With Krennic updating you as often as he could, you were happy to tell him that you got to see your ship again. Jerod was there to receive you, looking pretty good in his command uniform, as you sprinted down the dock ramps to him. “What did you do to my ship-!?” “Nothing, General, she’s fine!!” “Fine, my ass--!” You reigned yourself into a walk, and then slowed to a halt in front of him, cheerful smile on your face “What are you doing in dock?” “To be honest we don’t know.” He gave a genuine shrug; “We thought you might be able to fill us in.” You folded your arms, “I’ve heard nothing. Been bribed plenty. I hope they don’t think that because Orson’s off planet I’ll cave. But seeing her…” You traced your eyes over the hull of the Resolution with a smile, she was gorgeous, and you missed being her captain terribly. But you refused to give up the work of the man you loved so much to be aboard her again. Your heart could yearn this as much as it wanted – it would have a harder time betraying him, and yearning for a love it had lost for itself. You shook your head as several unfathomable emotions coursed through you, and you pursed your lips. You weren’t sure the right way to finish that sentence either. “Maybe they’re going to give her back to you.” “Ha.” You scoffed, and highly doubted it. But then maybe Tully was right – maybe they really couldn’t do this without you. Maybe they had finally given up. “Perhaps. I guess I’ll wait that one out.” You turned your eyes on him, and then decided to grin; “…In the meantime, thank you for looking after her Jerod.” “Oh!” His smile was bashful and he bowed to your rank, “You’re very welcome. It’s been a pleasure.” *** You read the title of the email twice. Wine glass half way to your lips – although you’d quite forgotten about it. Everything was suddenly frozen in time. And the chimes coming from your datapad to alert you to other incoming messages and documents couldn’t draw your attention from those words. “For the Urgent Attention of High General F/N L/N.” it appeared to have no sender, and it wasn’t even the urgent that grabbed you, you’d seen people pull shit like that all the time in the clamour to catch the attention of a busy General such as yourself. It was the next part that had you; “Presence Requested on Mustafar.” No one ever got called there, not for anything good. And the one time Krennic went it hadn’t exactly been his finest hour. But you?! What exactly had you done that warranted an audience with Vader? You swallowed hard. Now you were really in trouble. And you knew even dating someone in intelligence couldn’t save you.

You threw the email to Orson just in case – asking him what the hell he thought was up. Krennic came back barely a second later imploring you to go, but that he had no idea. And neither did he respond with any further information than that, suggesting that he’d come to a dead end. Or there was something more worthy of his time, considering what he was actually off planet for. You made a stop off to the Intelligence Bureau one last time, because there was only one other man you trusted in that entire organisation. But he already knew you were coming. ‘Y/N I can’t help you’ ‘So you know?!’ ‘It’s out of my hands’ ‘You DO know!’ ‘Perhaps, but on my head be it should I disclose it to anyone. Go, for the sake of everything you have ever worked for, and tell the truth. They’ll understand. And between you and I, Tarkin deserved to be put in his place after Scarif – I lost a few good friends out there. Make sure you go to that meeting and do it again…’ *** So that’s how you ended up on your shuttle out across the Galaxy towards Mustafar now. Due to the grounding of the Resolution, Jerod was the one in the pilot seat. And although you spend the majority of your journey sitting chewing your lip and running your big speech over in your mind, you were glad of friendly company. He only offered small talk on a few occasions, when he thought you might want a pause from overthinking. You were happy to provide it and it was a welcome respite – but you couldn’t stop yourself pondering this. As long as it wasn’t for your alleged scheming with the rebels – or whatever rumour was going around, you thought you’d probably be fine. If it was, you might find yourself reprimanded even further for screaming about how ludicrous it was.

All of that was thrown out the window about 3 minutes before you landed, because as Jerod slowed your jets for the landing strip – a second cruiser was visible in the heat haze – slick black-on-black against the red and amber glowing fire of sluggish molten rock. “Is that Krennic’s?” You wished he hadn’t voiced it. “Yeah.” Your reply was quiet; it looked brand new, polished to within an inch of its life and just out of the factory. A close resemblance to the last one, but sleeker and sharper. You pitied it having to stand here in heat like this so soon. “Did he tell you he was coming?” “No.” Which hurt more than just a little, if he was called here why wouldn’t he tell you? You had told him; but perhaps Orson didn’t want to add to your anxiety. Or perhaps he’d come to your aid – to back up your story. You wondered if that would at all be welcomed. “Shut the engines off, but stay here. And stay cool – this shouldn’t take too long.” “Yes M’am.” You patted his shoulder as you rose from your seat, taking a deep breath before swallowing hard. Jerod caught your wrist; “Y/N.” You turned back to him, “Be careful.” “I will. You too.” Though you weren’t exactly sure why you were saying that. But, you reminded yourself, you weren’t to trust anyone in the Empire these days. You hurried down the ramp from your ship and were too inquisitive in the new look of his not to wander over and inspect. It was beautiful and classic, if obsolete. You stared up at the wings, the way the red reflected off them; harsh the light might have been, but the engineering was stunning. You slowed your pace, still staring at it – it was larger, but you reckoned that was because it had bigger engines and more power. But it was cut more economically, and though you thought you’d be asking for a death wish suggesting the old model was anything less than perfect, this one looked a lot less clunky. And you would bet it didn’t make that annoying whirring noise as it cut through the air.

You turned back to the walkway leading up into the fortress and took another deep breath. It wasn’t a long way to walk, but you bet already it’d be the longest of your life. You could already see a figure waiting for you at the top ready to lead you to god knows where. You knew it wasn’t Krennic, he’d already be sprinting back down towards you if that was the case. You straightened yourself and began your march – time to be as professional and presentable as possible. Except you had to loosen your collar just slightly, damn this place for being so stiflingly hot it was nearly insufferable. How the hell Orson dare come back in the uniform he insisted on wearing was beyond you; how did he stand it? Mind you, Krennic would suffer for the aesthetic. When you reached the figure, an older man huddled in a black cloak – he stooped slightly in what you presumed was a bow - “High General F/N L/N. We have been expecting you. Please, follow me.” We!? Oh, you didn’t like this one bit. You didn’t think it would help in this situation, and you weren’t the quickest draw, but you still checked your blaster was on your hip – it made you feel just a little safe. Against Lord Vader, Y/N? You’ll be dead before you can even reach for it! You scowled at yourself; Not Helpful! You followed him down a series of passages, and realised you must be getting closer to the core of the planet… or volcano… where else could you possibly be led? Strangely enough, it wasn’t as warm here – and you wondered what exactly caused the temperature to drop. If it was a cooling instillation you were going to need that number just to give props to them. Eventually your guide stopped, and pulled to one side, holding his arm out to present yet another ramp. He stooped again; “Lord Vader awaits your presence.” Even though “Thank you.” came out of your mouth, what you were really thinking was Oh. Shit.

*** You’d only taken two steps down but already had forgotten most of the things that you’d set out to say. Indeed, he was waiting at the other end of a circular platform – already you were beginning to feel uneasy. You weren’t even the tiniest bit force sensitive, but you didn’t think there was anyone in the Galaxy that couldn’t feel that aura. He was alone on the platform save for an odd looking bundle to one side, that you noticed but deemed irrelevant enough to ignore. You hoped more than anything that your fight or flight response would allow you to stand your ground, and argue your case, rather than back down and shy away from any conflict. You wanted your ship back – but you would not give Krennic or his work up to be there. And you’d given him your word. You kept your eyes on Vader, aware of the beads of sweat gathering on your forehead, and trickling down the side of your face. And you weren’t even sure that was the apparent heat. Annoyingly all that was filling your head was a million ways to die. You glanced down at the lava running below you and swallowed thickly again. God Damn… You raised your eyes again - You can do this. If Krennic can get out of here, then you can. You were about five steps away from the platform now – and were figuring out that etiquette was probably to let him speak first. Only the bundle you were so intent on ignoring moved at precisely the wrong second. You stumbled your last two steps – eyes wide, horrified, if you hadn’t simultaneously lost the ability to breathe, let alone speak, then you probably would have yelled something. There was only one reason that he’d been left on the platform. That wasn’t just a warning but a display. Krennic wasn’t dead, and – man that he was – probably didn’t even wish it. But that pristine white uniform was nearly dyed red. The only cuts you could see were the ones visibly across his face and anything that had cut through his uniform – he couldn’t even stay on his hands and knees properly, and his arms shook with the effort. You were frozen – not because you didn’t want to sprint across the platform to him, but in that doing so would prove the point. You stood up straight, fighting every urge in you to scream, or run, or cry. To get you both through this – you could do none of those things. His head raised slowly, and he turned those blue eyes on you, now desperate. Orson’s lips parted – but whether to say he was sorry, or to beg for you to leave you’d never quite know. You gave a single shake of your head, but barely moved. Save it. Stay alive. Before you turned your eyes back to Vader. “General L/N.” “Lord Vader.” Your voice at least sounded self-assured, which you thought was better than you could possibly have expected – near enough a miracle. You used that confidence to spur yourself forward, and took a step, straightening your back further – folding your arms behind you to keep it that way. “It’s been a while.” You tried not to flick your eyes to Krennic, who was still staring at you. You weren’t sure how best to tell him to quit it – so all you could do was try and tune him out. But that was hard, because he was hurting, and the only thing you wanted to do when he was hurting was hold and protect him. That’s what you did. You’d been doing that for years – even back when he didn’t realise it. And he did the same for you, but right now you were both balancing on a knife edge and you were one tiny wrong move from toppling you both off of it. “It has,” you gave a nod “due to project intersections – my team and facility have been busy on great things for the Empire – and then of course when I was then given the opportunity to make a difference in the war with The Resolution I’ve been on the forefront of many a battle. Now that I find myself grounded…” You gave a shrug, “I am participating in many a strategic meeting.” “A lot all at once.” It was his turn to take a step, “Your rise through the ranks has not gone unnoticed. Neither has your commandeering of The Resolution and your instrumental handling of many strategic battles in this war we wouldn’t have won without you.” Despite the desire to swell with pride at these remarks coming from Darth Vader himself, you took all of that with a pinch of salt, because there was a punchline somewhere. And you didn’t think it was going to be humorous; “…But also your disregard for Officers at higher rank. Consistently.” You would have disagreed with that. You ‘d only punched Tarkin in the face the once. “Officer Tarkin’s handling of the situation on Scarif was unprofessional in itself. We lost many lives, so much more data. A good outpost; before we think of the Star Destroyers and lives lost in the battle itself.” Okay, maybe it was the only physical punch you’d ever given anyone you disagreed with. “Perhaps building something not so problematic would lead the issue not to lie with the Governor?” If he was asking you to place the blame on Krennic, you would deflect. “Tarkin gave the order and I didn’t witness him attempt to evacuate. If you would ask me to change my log, my apologies, but I will not.” You were surprised you could just say that out loud. And thought maybe later you’d give yourself a slap on the wrist. Ballsy! “You were summoned here to explain yourself. And that you have at least done. But if you think that’s an excuse.” You blinked a few times and then allowed your eyes to return to Krennic, and whatever had just clicked in your head was also obviously on his face. Vader and Tarkin were in league here. This was more than likely a trap. And you and your lover had both just walked into it. That put you on the offensive; “I firmly believe that Scarif should not have been lost to stop Rebels in the way it all happened. The Death Star plans are worth saving – but the cost is too great in numbers for my liking and all I wanted Tarkin was to be aware of exactly what he had cost the Empire.” Then you took a breath, and added “Sir.” “Another great loss, Y/N, is yours in our ranks. And we can give you that back.” You noticed that his walk track changed, and each step was now towards Krennic, whose blue eyes flickered to obvious fear noticing this. But at least they were off you. Orson could barely move, but he still attempted to move away. “All you need to do is hand over the plans that you already have.” You answered without a moment’s hesitation or second thought; “I don’t have them.” “Come now, Y/N.” You froze for a second time, as this voice came from behind you. “We all know that isn’t true.” Tarkin was practically right behind you before you heard his footfall. “All you need to do is hand them over, and all this will go away.” You turned your head towards him, “I don’t know where they are. And I will not hand Director Krennic’s life’s work over to you. That is his to give.” Especially not Tarkin. It was hard to keep the spite out of your voice. Tarkin raised an eyebrow with a deep sigh and he crossed the platform towards Vader, hands crossed behind his back; “I rather think the Director incapable of doing anything right now…” and you didn’t miss the smug smirk across his face; “You BASTARD! You did this!” You took another few steps, quite prepared to shove him into liquid fire. But the next step Vader took was firm and too close, and you had to stop. Allowing Tarkin to turn to you; “Oh no. You did this. Y/N.” You glared at him, voice bitter; “I suppose you want an apology too?” “Wouldn’t say no.” You scoffed, and couldn’t help yourself. No. Way. “But I know I can forget it.” He nodded to Krennic, “Can he?” “The choice is yours, General.” Vader and Tarkin stood together, and there was not a person in the Galaxy that could stand with you against them, the one man that would was bleeding on the floor and they had caused it. “Hand the files over, or your Director dies.”

You blinked hard for a moment, and thought you might just have misheard. But here in this situation, there was absolutely no way you could have. They were about to bargain with you for Krennic’s life! How the hell were you supposed to negotiate your way through this?! You had to get both of you out of here alive. You wouldn’t leave without him, and they were counting on that. “I don’t have it.” You gritted your teeth – he’d hidden it and you’d asked him to, so what the hell did they expect you to do with that-!? “You honestly expect us to believe that?” Tarkin chuckled, and you were about ready to kill him, “This is his life we’re talking about now. Surely you care about that.” You took another deep, slow breath and looked to him again. Krennic gave you the same small head shake that you’d given him - and you could have killed him too. There was no way you were letting him die. But you knew exactly what he meant. The problem was, if you still refused, and they killed him… And then killed you, what would that accomplish? You couldn’t live without him and they knew that just as much as you did. They’d likely leave you alive and broken just to spite you. There was silence for a moment, and it was just a second too long for Tarkin’s liking; “Have it your way.” Krennic went from looking at you to the floor almost immediately – reaching for his neck. For a moment everything felt very surreal, you’d heard about this and you’d heard about it from Orson himself – but actually watching him choke for breaths he couldn’t take was more sickening than anything you could have possibly seen in a warzone. And they could tell it was affecting you, by the visible pain on your face – tears were already stinging your eyes. “Stop it! You can’t just-” “Can’t we?” You looked between them again, Krennic’s forehead was to the floor now and he had seconds if that. “He didn’t DO anything!” You were desperate and this time you sounded it. “Director Krennic has done a great many things, General, he’s lucky he hasn’t met an untimely demise before this.” You tore your eyes from him again, this was unbearable – and you couldn’t stand by and watch him die. Not for anything. Not even if he never forgave you. “STOP IT!” This time you screamed it; “I’ll give you what you want just let him GO!” You knew they’d need more than just your word, and though you probably couldn’t have hated yourself any more – you pulled the disk from inside your uniform jacket. Vader released the Force Choke and even just hearing Krennic take a ragged breath and spluttering cough had relief flooding you. Tarkin stared at the disk suspiciously; “What is that? The data packs on Scarif were huge. It took an entire tower to transmit things like those plans, you can’t honestly think we’d belie-” “They’re access codes. All of them, to every file he has on the project.” They turned to each other in silent conversation before Tarkin seemed satisfied, and crossed to prise the disk from your hands. “Well. At least we know you can make one good decision Ms. L/N.” You narrowed your eyes at him not calling you by rank, but you were still aware your lover was taking breaths that sounded painful, sprawled out on the floor. “I’ll see you reinstated to The Resolution. Even without an apology. I have been thoroughly entertained.” He stepped back to Vader, satisfied. “Well, I believe we’ve got what we wanted, Lord Vader.” He turned back, with that same smug smirk. “And now we can impart the rest of the information.”

You flinched, surely they had both done enough. What else could they possibly do. “Director.” Krennic raised his head from the floor, breathing still shaking his body. He wasn’t yet ready to speak. And you didn’t think you’d ever seen Tarkin look crueller. “Orson Callan Krennic, you are hereby stripped of rank-” You couldn’t help but gape, what the FUCK!? “-and office. You will no longer work for the Advanced Weapons Division, or the Intelligence Bureau. Or hold a position within the Empire ever again. You will be blacklisted throughout the Galaxy… Good Luck finding a job, Krennic.” You could only stare in disbelief, hurting him wasn’t enough, now they had to break and humiliate him? And Orson had never been very good at hiding his emotions. But Tarkin and Vader had just turned him from Director to Civilian. And you had absolutely no leverage to waltz into someone’s office and demand it be reinstated. ‘Make yourself indispensable,’ you had said ‘and you’ll be safe.’ all it sounded like was the biggest lie. Tarkin turned back to you, smile almost cheerful, and he waved the disk. “Congratulations, General. You’ve done this yourself.” He swivelled his head back to Krennic, with a tut, “It’s not like he was much use to the Empire anyway…”

You couldn’t talk either, for different reasons. They were about to walk away with Krennic’s life’s work. And leave you with a broken man whose work you had just handed over. There wasn’t any way you were coming out of this intact. You had promised him you’d never give it up – you had broken that promise for his life. And yet Tarkin had taken it from him anyway. “Welcome back, General - you made the right choice. I look forward to seeing you in the air again.” If you thought you could even reach for your blaster right now with your emotions racing the way there were and your hands shaking, you’d have sent a bolt through his heart. By the tone in his voice he wasn’t even really addressing you, but Krennic; yes, Orson she did choose her own ambition over you. Whereas the reality couldn’t have been more different; his life over his work. And nagging in the back of your mind somewhere - and perhaps your only consolation prize, was that they still didn’t know about the fault. “I suppose you want to move now?” Tarkin addressed you again as he turned away; “With your ship reinstated I see no reason to make you stand around here and wait for any more. He’ll probably need medical attention, General. You may wish to see to that.” With that they both left. And you sprinted.

“Orson! Orson! Oh my god-!” The bleeding was a lot worse than it looked, by the way that he was huddled. But he pushed you away, devastated; “You gave it up-! You PROMISED ME!!” “It was your LIFE! Your LIFE! I couldn’t LOSE YOU! I can’t LOSE YOU!” “MY LIFE-!? THEY JUST DESTROYED MY LIFE--!” He choked again, finding the strength to push you once more “I have nothing. Leave me.” “I am NOT leaving you! Don’t you dare say that… I…” You were already both crying. “Orson, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry-! If I’d have thought for one second that they’d…” Your eyes traced his body; hurt and bleeding - all you wanted to do was protect him from everything, and you were regretful most of all for not being able to protect him before now, if you’d have got here earlier, could you have spared him this? And then you were sobbing and this time he let you pull his fragile body into yours – which only made him sob into your uniform, hands tangling in your jacket he buried his head in your chest in an attempt to hide himself from the world – and your arms could do nothing more than hold him. You weren’t even sure you’d done your job at protecting him now – you’d failed at the only job that really mattered; “Baby, I’m so sorry…” --- @menndelsohn @3134045126 @happyskywhale @wltz-bby #MendoTagSquad

#Orson Krennic #Director Orson Krennic #I Think He Knows Pt 3 #Director Krennic #Orson krennic x reader #Director Krennic x Reader #Linzi Writes #Smol Bean Drabbles #Krennic x reader #Lets see if this does a little better than part 2 did-!#one to go-!#Inconsistency with rank naming that makes sense if you look back at the previous part-!#It was gonna be longer but I'm going to keep that until part 4 because I thought it was better to leave them at their very lowest here...#...and build back in the final part.#126 #Ben Mendelsohn

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