#if i can't keep it up no matter how unsustainable it was from the start

[eventide-imp]

Anyone wanna come stare forlornly at the wall with me?

[genderqueerdykes]

as someone who has been chronically homeless for 9 years due to severe disability, the way housing is managed in america is just a joke. it's all about the profits for the landlord, nothing else matters. credit checks are a gate to keep out poor people. deposits are a gate to keep out poor people. you wanna apply for a low-income housing program? you HAVE to have a "severe" disability diagnosis and proof that you're too disabled to afford or apply for "normal" housing. this is a gate to keep out poor people.

people in positions to help house homeless people don't care because they're housed. there's no sense of urgency. they don't have to think about what it's like to go without a roof over their head. they get paid tens of dollars an hour to sit there and scoff at all of the "lazy poor and disabled people who should just get jobs and stop whining and expecting to have things handed to them." they get paid to ignore emails and take 2 hour long lunches to forget about how hard and scary the world really is.

how the FUCK are you supposed to work when you don't have a place to sleep at night, shower, or eat? come the fuck on. use your goddamn brain. this system is built off of abuse, lying and torture. nobody earns an "honest" day's pay, none of this is "honest" work. it's all built off of the backs of lying and stealing from someone who needs it more. jobs aren't given to the person who's the most qualified- they're given to the person who lied the most to make themselves sound good during the interview. jobs are given to people who are good at interviews, NOT people who are GOOD at what they do.

i don't know how to tell you that when the average person isn't making enough to eat, fuel their car or pay for their phone, they also can't afford the roof over their head. disabled people and low-income people are struggling even worse with this. i don't know how to tell people that you should care about this.

we are literally all the same species. we are all humans. you cannot look down on disabled, poor and addicted people because we're "scum" and "less than human". we're not. that's a lie you're being fed by capitalism to feel better about yourself so you'll keep blindly working. wake up. this is not how humans behave. you're being brainwashed. everyone needs a stable home. EVERYONE. especially if you want them to contribute to your stupid money machine.

capitalism makes no fucking sense. give people homes or get the fuck out of our way, because we're about to just start taking them. this is unsustainable. this is unliveable. this system doesn't fucking work. a system that leaves its people to starve and die while apartments, homes, condos, and hotel rooms stay empty and collect dust doesn't work. none of this shit works. fuck this fascist system. none of us are free.

[tobiasdrake]

UGH. YOUTUBE HAS MADE THEIR SITE TOO COMPLICATED FOR USERS. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH IT BEFORE, BACK IN 2005-2009?

Well, they're owned by Google. So. Y'know. Same thing that was wrong with their search engine.

Which is to say, Google has grown beyond the point of sustainability for a publicly-owned company with growth incentives.

The fundamental flaw of the U.S.'s growth-based economy is that it imagines a world in which an infinitely expanding revenue intake is possible to achieve. This, unfortunately, flies in the face of reality.

The way a growth-based economy works is that if your company made 100% of all money that exists on Earth this year, it would have to then make 104% of all money that exists next year. And then 108% of all money the year after that.

This is a problem that isn't apparent for small up-and-coming businesses. How can I grow my company's market? Easy. Expand my customer base. Sell more products to more people.

But there's a ceiling. A point at which infinite forever-growth ceases to be achievable through simply doing business. You already have as many people buying your product as are ever going to buy your product; There is no reasonable avenue available to turn your 50 million customers into 75 million. You've hit a plateau.

Or worse, they already bought your product last year so they don't need to buy it again this year. Why would I need to buy yearly tractors?

That's a problem, because the demands of investors do not let up just because it's not actually possible to keep growing the business by doing business. The guy who put in $30 million expects to get $45 million back out of it. Your job is to make that happen. Nothing else that the business does actually matters. Go grow the market value and get back to me when it's done.

Once a business grows beyond the point of sustainability, that's when it starts having to get creative. If you can't grow the customer base, then you need to find ways to get them to pay more money for less product. Increase revenues and decrease costs while supplying to the same set of customers you were before.

This is why the film and AAA video game industries have lost their goddamn minds. They've long-since passed the point of sustainability.

This is what CEOs mean when they say it's "Too expensive to make games." They don't mean they can't make profit by making games. They mean they can't hit their profit growth goals unless they come up with yet another new way to get the existing base of gamers to pay them even more money this year than they did last year, without proportionally increasing their costs to achieve it.

They need the line to go up. And they can no longer achieve that by doing the thing that their business exists to do.

This is also where things like planned obsolescence come from. Why would I need to buy yearly tractors? Because the tractors are designed on purpose to fall apart after a year so I have to go to the store and buy a new one. That's a solution to the "Everyone already bought my product" problem. An evil solution a problem created by unsustainable economics.

Google, too, is long past the sustainability ceiling, and it's causing them to shit themselves and reveal their true colors. Because Google's customer has never been their users. The users are the product that they sell to advertisers. Their revenue comes from getting your eyes on an advertiser's products. That's it.

And as they continue beyond the sustainability ceiling with each passing year of infinite forever-growth, they're having to pursue more and more nakedly predatory means of churning their userbase into mass-produced views.

Why is their search engine so shitty? Because if you have to search for something five times, you're gonna see five times as many ads. That's good for Google's growth margins.

YouTube is the same. Their algorithm is designed to feed people into loops. Not to show you content they think you'll like to see, but to show you content that will keep you engaged. That will make you watch the next video and the ads that go with it. It's clickbait in video suggestion form.

And it's just going to keep getting worse and worse and worse until either legislation steps in or the bubble pops. Those are the only two futures possible for a company that's beyond the sustainability ceiling. And they've gotten very good at postponing the popping of the bubble.

This, all of this, is what people are talking about when they use the term "late-stage capitalism".

[pissvortex]

I dislike how you keep coming back in the podcasts that green tech buit on exploitation can't be useful at all, and... i think it paradoxically diminishes the threat of climate change. Noone supports the way the mines are working now, but there is material difference between an entire country being made into a dead desert and remaining habitable but fucked up at places locally by mining! It's like saying that the green revolution was unsustainable (soil erosion, capitalism), but adding that therefore the lives of people it saved from hunger were somehow fake and worthless too. The world works on inhuman logic, that we have to face instead of hiding under false pretensions of moral superiority, and "uh we should only have fossil fuels bc everything green is unethical (somehow unlike oil), and who dies of climate change, deserves to die", or "uh we should have no modern energy sources whatsoever, full anprim, 1% survivors is good actually" are both ALSO based on the idea that the suffering of some people does not matter - so there is no fair reason to single out green tech as the only one causing suffering.

i've simply never said this. what you might be thinking of is that most of the renewable energy some people think will bring about a utopia is entirely powered by exploited / slave labor. the most mineral-rich countries on this planet are kept in poverty to ensure the western world has cheap, unlimited access to these goods. there is certainly a future where climate sustainability is obtained under capitalism, but it involves condemning Africa forever into the depths of poverty and misery. there is no instance in which an equitable future comes about and the power structure of the entire world is not flipped completely on its head. the global north would have to start actually producing something of equal value if they wish to retain access to the resources of exploited nations and make up for all they've stolen.

if the idea that a world where the citizens of empire have to actually do even a fraction of the backbreaking work they have forced upon the entire globe is an anprim billions dead apocalypse in your mind, that is extremely telling of your mind alone

[delta-chan]

Map Six Thoughts 2: Electric Boogaloo: Return of the Map

As it turns out, I have more scattered thoughts to air out--this time regarding some reactions to this map, because oh man. What I'm seeing is kind of amazing! Spoilers, of course...

As I've said before, I love Living Memory's gimmick.

Going from place to place, shutting off the terminals and letting the projections of the long dead go to rest--symbolic of actually letting go in the same context. Yet another lesson on the ephemerality of life, and how you must cherish the things you have now before they're gone--and they will be gone. Good stuff!

In any case--I've seen some fascinating things unfold: bargaining and denial.

People are clinging to Living Memory beyond acknowledging they can "go back to it" with new game+, coming up with reasons how and why Living Memory could "return to normal" without doing so in the course of the story going forward.

"The problem of using up energy could be solved with dynamis instead of aether!" "I think that we should restore it so Alexandrians could live there!" "We need to help!" "It might be like the Empty!" "We committed genocide to save ourselves, we're no better than ascians, we have to make it right!"

"TAKE ME BACK TO THE GOLDEN CITY"

I find this fascinating--in missing the point, these desires prove the point in an interesting sort of irony. In lieu of letting go, they react with desperation like someone about to lose someone or something, right down to things that would be impossible within the lore of the game. The lesson is driven home all the same, but the takeaway is different--and it's likely that some don't even notice.

It doesn't even matter that the existence of Living Memory is such an immense aether sink that it's destroyed worlds--there has to be some sort of way to start it up again without hurting anyone though this is very much untrue. Living Memory is like Midgar--it dips into the lifestream for energy, and once that energy is used up it is no longer available. This is why Alexandria moves--its existence, when tied to Living Memory, is completely unsustainable. The text says as much. If it requires that much energy to exist as a gold-hued paradise, it's all but impossible to keep active without destroying whatever space it's inhabiting.

As for why it should be brought back:

"We need to bring the people back because what we did was wrong" To what end? What would this accomplish? What would their quality of life be? Because for one Endless to stop existing, the entire terminal needs to be shut down.

"We need to keep it as a record of Alexandria's history" From what we saw in the Alexandria of Sphene's memories Living Memory is not Alexandria. It is has a small, idealized version of Alexandria within it--like a theme park. It is the only place within it that has any "historical" significance.

"People could live there"

Live where?

Using NG+ I turned back the clock, and the thing is--Living Memory is just that. A memory projected onto blocks of electrope.

There's nothing there.

There's legit nothing there.

The doors and windows we see in Living Memory are only there for the dead, like the food. They can go in and out of these "buildings" and see what they have to because they're data. Like sims, they can disappear into a "rabbit hole" and while for the living they entered what's essentially the shell of a building they actually went inside. Living Memory is useless to the living outside of being harvested for the electrope within.

Not a single "building" within Living Memory is an actual building.

So why would it be brought back...? It's nothing but a memory that's actively destructive to hang onto and those that are stored within its terminals are practically doomed to be there for eternity. It's not for them, it can't be for them, and it certainly isn't for the Alexandrians.

It's for you.

And no matter how much you deny it, the past is past and outside of hopping backwards with NG+ for some quick shots it is never coming back. If it did, it would not only defeat the purpose of the map but undermine a large part of the conflict of the second half of the story.

Wanting it to return is like clinging to a gravestone hoping it'll bring the dead back to life.

[george-weasleys-girl]

GWG Ramblings

Why George & Angie's Marriage would've Failed: A Soapbox Dissertation

*This is my personal opinion and not an attack on anyone, including Angelina.

**JK Rowling confirmed in an interview that Fred and Angie were romantically involved and that her marriage with George was "a bit unhealthy."

(Here's the link to that interview, if you're interested. It starts at 31:20)

~•~

I want to start with George first because it will make it easier to understand Angie's mindset.

For the North Star series, I researched extensively into twin loss. Losing a twin is considered to be the most painful loss a person can experience. In fact, the pain of twin loss is rated higher than that of losing a child.

Unsurprisingly, this level of intense grief can lead to some very common but heartbreaking psychoses.

1 - The surviving twin tries to be themselves, AND their twin by assuming some of the personality traits of their lost twin. In some cases, it can get to the point that the survivor has trouble remembering which twin they are. One of the most heartbreaking things I read during my research was a woman talking about losing her twin sister, saying, "Some days I can't remember which one of us died."

I read that months and months ago, and it still haunts me.

2 - Survivors guilt is off the charts for surviving twins. Often, the remaining twin feels like they don't deserve to live their own life, so instead, they’ll live their twin's life for them. All the things that Fred should've been able to do and will never be able to do, George will do for him.

You see where I'm going with this?

A marriage built on one or both persons desperately trying to find their lost loved one in the other person is not only unsustainable and unhealthy but downright toxic.

3 - To compound things even more, the survivor is desperate to reconnect to their lost twin through any means possible. They will cling to anyone and anything that had some connection (no matter how big or small) with their lost loved one.

~•~

Now on to Angie. So, we have a woman grieving for her lost love and here comes his grieving identical twin, who has not only, assumed aspects of Fred's personality, but is also determined to live the life that Fred would've had if he'd lived. (Or at least the life George thinks his twin would've had.)

For Angie, it's like getting Fred back. And if the personalities don't always perfectly mesh, that could be written off as the effects of war. War changes people. Everybody knows that, right?

~•~

Ok, one last thing. (I promise I'll shut up after this. 😁)

This next point doesn’t just pertain to twin loss but any bonding over shared trauma. Anywhere you have PTSD, you have unhealthy coping mechanisms. Be it war or a shared loss or abusive childhoods, you have two people who've come together over (shared) pain, mistaking it as compatibility and love. They're effectively victims of a stabbing who are looking for similarly wounded people when they should be seeking people who can help stop the bleeding.

So now you have a relationship, where two people are bleeding out, bound together by mutual pain. Add to that the fact that couples do not heal in lockstep and you have a recipe for disaster because one person is going to heal faster than the other. Their already unstable foundation crumbles as one person tries to climb out of the darkness while the other (usually unconsciously) keeps pulling them back down with them. It becomes a desperate game of tug of war.

It is exceedingly rare that these relationships survive. And when they end, it's rarely gentle. Rather, it's catastrophic. Anyone close to the blast (i.e. children) will get hit by shrapnel.

We all know George never gets over losing Fred, but Angelina, I'm certain, does. Not only that, but she most likely heals from the war far faster than George as well.

Angie is not the type of person to let anyone keep her (not to mention her children) down for long.

In all honesty, I really don't think Rowling had any clue of what she was doing when she paired them up.

[al-chemystic]

vent

is this something? is this anything? am i the fucking stupid one? a real bleeding heart, too young and inexperienced and stupid to know that i was supposed to let society beat the hope out of me already like a "rational, logical person?"

i gave up halfway throughout this text. i don't think i have the energy to finish it. i don't think i can be normal with him until i feel seen and heard. i don't think i can feel seen and heard until i finish and send this text. you're going to see me get frustrated at that paradox. i am not trying to pass this off as a complete and coherent statement, but i need to find somebody who understands what i'm getting at so i don't feel fucking crazy.

hey man, i have some things i can't get off my mind.

i don't try to have these discussions with you to start fights or try to make you believe exactly the same things i do. i do it because as someone who has grown up in and directly experienced ableism my entire life, there are a lot of basic, "societal principals" that i can now recognize are rooted in ableism.

first is the idea that human worth is intrinsically tied to the amount of labor one can perform. this is the driving idea behind not wanting to give livable funds to people who cannot maintain that themselves. arguments are made along the lines of "if nobody is doing labor and keeping our society going, it will fall apart." this causes a mass societal inference that anyone who cannot work is not essential to society (society and capitalism are inseparable to most). if you don't think someone is essential for society, you won't care if they have food, water, or shelter, especially not with all the caring you're doing for your own situation. it's so bad that in some circles, ideas like this are stated just as explicitly as i have said them: if you don't work you don't deserve money. you can't survive on your own without money.

that sustainability argument treats the situation as if we're asking for the cessation of all labor, for the government to hand everyone infinite money, and to spawn products out of thin air. at best, this is a thoughtless overcorrection of the problem, and at worst, a purposeful attempt to shut down any questioning of how the lower class is treated in this country by inflating the outcome as something nobody wants. it's important to remember that nobody is asking for that; that is clearly unsustainable.

while the unsustainability argument is a frontline tactic used to stop the asking of questions, the idea that labor = worth is what keeps the answers to the questions that do get through palatable to our capitalist society.

when people are kept in stress, they will get exhausted over time and jaded and nihilistic-- something you clearly recognize. the easiest way to do this is to keep people in financial stress. it is actively happening to you. you are worried about tax increases and not being able to afford to get the house you want. that's not a naturally occurring process.

society is manufactured. it was set up to put you in this situation. when you say things like "that's just how the world is," what you're actually saying is "that's just how the world started, and we're in too deep now to do anything about it."

because it's not like putting water on a grease fire. the way of society is not an unobjectionable fact of the universe based on how the physical world interacts. this is "just how the world is" because humans made it this way. so if humans designed it full of struggle, and if we are on this earth purely as an accident of nature and there is no universal meaning of life, then there is absolutely nothing else that matters more than making the world a better place. there simply is no higher purpose to wait through the struggling for. another prominent function of religion is distracting people during their lifetime so they feel like they're not suffering for no reason, which keeps them from asking for the suffering to stop.

what you're worried about isn't a hurricane that nobody caused and nobody can stop. you're afraid of an indirect threat. you already lose so much to taxes that all they have to do now is threaten to make you lose more, and you (the general "you") will pick the option or belief system that they did not correlate with you losing money. it's manufactured struggle, and it can be stopped.

so running it back, an argument might be

"we can't expand state income accessibility because then nobody will work and society will collapse." there's a silent "as we know it" hidden in there that nobody ever says, because the idea that society can be any different than what we made it has to be stamped out for rich lobbyists to maintain power.

society as we know it will undoubtedly change. again.. look around at all the manufactured financial stress. it has to change.

that quoted argument can only be said without cognitive dissonaance from someone who holds these beliefs:

- capitalist society is the only good society (this keeps lobbyists in power)

- your work is tied to your labor ability (thinking anything else puts you in a position to question capitalism, which threatens current powers. this also takes advantage of peoples' sense of purpose; they have to work themselves ragged to stay afloat, but at least they feel like they're contributing to the society that's hurting them. the idea that anyone isn't working 40+hrs a week and might be able to eat dinner in a house despite that fact immediately sets them on fire, by design, because they have to kill themselves to achieve that)

- increasing aid for others means that the government has to take something from me (while they keep you in such a bad position that you can't afford to lose anything else, instead of a proper distribution of billionaire lobbyists' wealth that could end homelessness in America)

- i dont know ive been writing for two hours and i want to throw up here's my other notes from even earlier:

it's amazing that you can point out why people are suffering and they still will not forsake the systems that keep them in suffering.

you recognize that our government keeps us in stress over our stability on purpose, to keep us distracted. you recognize that the two-party system is the definition of divide and conquer, and is another distraction that's also designed to pit people against each other. it actually blows my mind how you can hold both of those ideas in your head and then turn around and say "anymore i just have to do what makes my life easier for me." without realizing that the decisions you're making-- or not making-- to achieve or maintain that ease steps on other people.

okay, voting for trump will lower your taxes since you're better off than the average american. awesome. do you know what a second trump presidency will do to everyone else? to disabled people? to queer people, of which you are? to people of color? to women? to children?

nobody is saying your vote will fix everything overnight. nobody is saying your voice will make an immediate change in your surrounding community and drop a house in a struggling person's hands.

but choosing to favor policies that benefits you at the cost of others is ACTIVELY DECIDING to endanger other communities because god damn you just want that tax break. a tax break you need because you're fed up with taxes that are increasing "due to inflation." you mean... the manufactured inflation designed to keep you under stress so that you're too tired to care about others?

so it's okay for YOU to get tired? you're allowed to decide that nothing's changing so it's time to stop fighting, but GOD FORBID a homeless person experience that same emotional plight because then they're "doing it to themselves."

NEW NOTES:

i don't think you're wrong for being tired. i don't think you're wrong for wanting your own happiness and your own comfort. i think you're wrong for being unable to apply that to other people.

if the only people fighting for the relief and-- god forbid-- the COMFORT of disabled people are the disabled people, and YOU AS AN ABLE BODIED PERSON CANNOT STOP YOURSELF FROM GETTING BURNT OUT FIGHTING A SYSTEM THAT WON'T CHANGE, HOW THE HELL CAN YOU SIT THERE AND SAY THAT THE DISABLED PEOPLE WHO EXPERIENCE THE SAME BURN OUT IN TRYING TO GET OUT OF HOMELESSNES ARE JUST LAZY AND COMPLACENT. YOU'RE LITERALLY SAYING HEY KID GO FIGHT YOUR OWN BATTLES TO SOMEONE WHO'S 4'2" WHEN THEIR OPPONENT IS 6'4". YOU SEE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HITTING A DISABLED CHILD AND HITTING A REGULAR CHILD BUT WHEN IT COMES TO FIGHTING FOR RIGHTS YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PRETEND WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO IT ALL ALONE? YOUR VIEW OF DISABLED COMPETENCE IS COMPLETELY DEPENDENT ON WHAT SERVES YOU BEST, YET WHEN A DISABLED PERSON EXPERIENCES AMBIVALENT ABILITY, THEY'RE FAKING IT?

"oh if my grandpa didn't spank me id be a horrible person today" you were verbally abused. you acted out as a kid because your life sucked and your needs weren't met. people train dogs with more care for their basic needs than they raise a child. if a child is acting out they're missing a need.

the belief that those who achieve any level of relief to their suffering will get greedy and "always want more" is the exact thing they said to stop people of color from getting rights. to stop women from getting rights. to stop gay people from getting rights. to stop trans people from getting rights. and it's used to stop disabled people from getting rights. how is that last one different and acceptable? (it's not)

you're saying things that don't align with my core values, and then acting like if someone decides to step away from a relationship for those reasons that it's not right and they must've never really cared to begin with. you're asking people to sacrifice their belief systems for you. i can already hear you arguing that i'm doing the same, but i'm not demanding that you change your mind nor am i demanding that you sacrifice standing up for what you believe just to stay friends with me. if i believed murder wasn't wrong and that belief caused you to want to distance yourself from me, you would not be a bad person for choosing not to invest your time and energy into someone who believes something that so vehemently opposes your own core values (murder is wrong). i believe hitting a child is wrong regardless. i believe disabled people aren't just lazy. i believe all life has intrinsic value just by the sheer irrefutable fact that it is alive on this planet. you do not share these four beliefs whose opposing ideas-- which you do hold-- directly affect my life negatively. i don't have anybody in my immediate life who does agree with me and understand where i'm coming from. i don't get to choose my family. i get to choose my friends. it would not be wrong for me to decide against subjecting myself to people who hold the same ideas that beat me down everyday.

"just get over it you have to find your own happiness you don't have to justify yourself to anyone blah blah blah. buuuuut also justify yourself to a govt who doesn't care how you can't maintain a job and do it more frequently than you already do because people are abusing the system already so we have to restrict it more. thanks!"

how can you recognize that the generation that thinks the younger generations are all lazy and entitled are falling victim to the same "WELL WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T DO IT; I DID IT AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT BUT I HAD TO. NOW YOU'RE JUST BEING LAZY; YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO WORK ENOUGH TO AFFORD A HOUSE." no, houses are getting more expensive and the disparity between income and cost of living has increased exponentially. it's plain harder, and people are tired.

then all those tired people see disabled people who can't even struggle through a job the same way able bodied people are, and they look behind them at all the boomers calling them lazy, and they go "I'M lazy? well at least i'm doing it; those people do NOTHING and get money for it!!!!!" it's manufactured hatred over manufactured struggle.

i don't know if i can keep subjecting myself to the harsh reality that nobody fucking cares about disabled people and nobody ever will just for the sake of keeping one friend who i don't get to be real with. it's not like i can just end this and go find anyone and they'll probably agree with me. this hatred is baked into everyone; even disabled people. they're just the most likely candidates for breaking free from it.

if the only people in my life are people who keep proving to me nobody cares about my comfort and wellbeing, what's the point of having them?

[ravenousaberration]

So many people compare mental illnesses to visible injuries like broken legs and say "imagine if they talked to this person on crutches the same way they talked to this person taking ADHD meds"

I like this comparison but I want to add onto it because I pulled a muscle in my neck yesterday and I as I sit here in pain I think it perfectly represents an invisible illness

Anyone who has pulled a muscle in their neck knows it sucks, it limits your range of motion a lot because bending over or even accidentally moving your head too fast (or sometimes at all even if your careful) will cause shooting pains through your neck.

You might have tasks that are way harder than usual, bending over to pick up objects might be something that turns from a trivial task to a painful and slow task so it takes up much more of your energy. Something like washing your hair in the shower might be next to impossible without excruciating pain so you decide to put it off until you feel better, because hurting your neck more might cause this to last longer.

Most people would believe if you told them you needed to take it easy for a few days while your neck recovered, even though they can't see the pain they still give you the benefit of the doubt because they know pulling a muscle hurts like hell. You take a few days and you are fine and catch up on all your busy work and chores.

But now imagine you were born with some sort of genetic difference that makes it way easier for you to sprain your neck or maybe you got into an accident and it fucked up your neck and you now pull a muscle almost weekly from just sleeping slightly wrong.

You are constantly falling behind others who can bend over and move their necks fine because it takes you much more time to get your chores done.

You might get advice from your friends and loved ones that you should sleep with a neck pillow or put a heating pad on it because that's what helped them when they sprained their neck that one time.

You try these things and it might help a little but since your prone to neck sprains you still end up with them a lot of the time, your family and friends start to believe you are making excuses and being lazy on purpose because everyone sprains their necks sometimes and they still get stuff done.

So you try to just push yourself harder, you exert yourself beyond what your body can tolerate a lot just to keep up with others and it makes the pain worse and worse until you wake up in bed one morning and if you move at all your vision gets blurry and you almost pass out from the pain and end up having to go to the hospital where if they are good doctors and don't immediately dismiss your problems like everyone else has been doing they might give you some pain medicine and a neck brace that helps bring you down to an 11 out of 10 pain to a 4 out of 10 but doesn't cure your chronic neck pain.

Or maybe you try to get stuff done on your good days, you try to Speedrun through all your chores on the few days of respite in-between your constant sprain. You spend all your good days pushing yourself really hard to get through everything you've been unable to do for weeks. This cycle is unsustainable though, though not as painful as pushing through while at your worst you still are over-exerting yourself to catch up which sometimes causes you to pull a muscle faster but you also lose out on time to do anything fun since you either are in pain or way too busy at any given moment.

This is what mental illness feels like for me, I desperately want to be able to keep up with my peers and not have small tasks exhaust me but no matter how hard I try to force it, I just end up exacerbating my symptoms and getting burnt out.

Maybe this explanation will help someone :) or maybe I'm shouting into the void, who knows.

[more-than-a-princess]

@awesomeuchuu asked: Frankenstein

universal classic monster headcanon asks! - Accepting!

Frankenstein - if your muse had to choose, what three traits describe them the most? who taught them these traits, and who do they think had the most influence in making them who they are? 

Hmm...let's see. Sonia, when describing herself, is often one of two minds: to say what others 'expect' or need her to say, or what she honestly believes. Sometimes those overlap, so I'll include those here.

Tenacious - This Sonia gets from her mother. Queen Valentina of Novoselic was not the first choice of consort for King Alexandre, or the second, or the third. But as the fourth daughter and fifth child of the Borghese family, the head of the family holding a dukedom to a large amount of Novoselic's southern lands, not much was expected of her beyond being beautiful and not embarrassing the family. The then-Lady Valentina was not terribly fond of these low expectations, and in a move that stunned her family and the country, she made the marriage match young, well-to-do women across the world were hoping for.

Determination, persistence, and a strong will were what she brought to the Royal Family and instilled in her daughter. Often, I think the most important thing about Sonia's view of her mother is the fact that it's Sonia's view, and as her child there's plenty she can't, and doesn't, fully understand about what her mother has experienced, if not sacrificed, for her position and her family.

That's not to say she's of excellent moral character. But she is reluctant to give up on what she really wants and what matters to her: Sonia is similarly driven. There is always a way to get what's needed done. Whether it adheres to the rules, however...

Compassionate - This Sonia gets from her father. Even though Sonia has been raised in a world of wealth and privilege, with every possible luxury at her disposal, her father has always been intent on showing Sonia how others live. Particularly those in their country without the advantages they do. Her father is not only compassionate but forward-thinking, constantly analyzing, to the point that he realized from a young age that unless he began efforts to keep the rich aristocrats from getting richer while the poorer classes suffered, there would be little in the way of a royal legacy to leave his daughter and her future descendants. The monarchy would eventually become unsustainable and collapse into another form of leadership: whether a dictatorship or an elected position, it would mean the end of the Royal Family.

In addition, he's most fulfilled in his position when truly helping those who need it. Those whose futures wouldn't be secured if it weren't new laws, charitable efforts, and/or business and education opportunities that the Royal Family can facilitate. And while Sonia doesn't really know too much about 'normal' life, since she was very young, her father has taken her along to visits to shelters, orphanages, hospitals, and a variety of businesses to show her how, even as a child, she can make a difference for her people.

He also got her started on letter writing to children in pediatric wings of Novoselic hospitals and orphanages: he began doing so as a young teenager, and kept it up until his father died and he took the throne (as his new role gave him little time for consistent correspondence).

Curious - This Sonia gets from her general upbringing. Beyond official royal visits, holidays, and the excursions her father would take her on, Sonia grew up in relative seclusion from the world. Most of her first friends were Castle staff and she was only allowed to play with children from noble and/or rich families on occasion, and she was homeschooled until middle school.

With that in mind, she often had to make her own fun. She had to dream, and explore, the best she could through the avenues available to her: books, TV, film, and other media she could get her hands on. Whether it's her specific hobbies or just a general yearning to see the world and constantly keep learning and evolving, much of Sonia's curiosity is due to the fact she was kept home and hidden for so long, only trotted out to be seen and heard when her family deemed it necessary.

With that in mind, she tends to say 'Yes!' to quite a lot. Save for things that push her limits too far (relationships/sex and some substances, usually. She has some hesitations with those).

[lavendertowerarchives]

I seem to only be interacting with things under the guise of addictions. I mus clarify, I don't believe I am addicted to anything, but the only pleasures I gain are from engaging with the source in a depraved, desperate, and destructive manner.

I indulge in my interest to an unfortunate excess. I can't have just a little of something. It's not really a decision I make, whether to "have a lot" of a thing or only have a little. I decide to have some, and the decision to stop never crosses my mind, no matter the external reasons. Everything else becomes neglected. Day after day.

The variety of my various sources of happiness is wide enough and discrete enough that I feel comfortable saying I am not addicted to anything. If I crave something like I can't live without it, then it's the only thing I crave. Several hours later, that thing will be dead to me, whether I get it or not.

I love my partner. I spend day after day with them, only after not seeing them for even longer. There is not a single second where we are more than 10 meters apart.

I love video games. I will play them for hours on end, postponing literally everything. I don't eat, piss, respond, sleep, etc. I will accidentally or purposefully ignore dire needs of my body to the point of debilitating pain, simply because I don't see it as "important" or sometimes just not noticing how bad it is.

The same happens with writing, be it code or prose or poetry. I have a puzzle to solve, and I have the fuel for my brain to keep it occupied into the late hours of the next morning. I normally have a semi-rigid discipline for when I go to sleep. Not when I write. I know my inspiration will not return for entire agonizing days at a time if I'm interrupted for even thirty seconds.

If I talk to my friends at all (not likely), it's for hours. I will be laughing my ass off or be the most in-depth problem solver for miles around. My devotion will not wane. After the fact, I can see how problematic it might seem, to have someone so into the conversation, but it's rather difficult to contain my enthusiasm for a single person's giant donation of attention.

I've found that I have become confused about how pleasure works. This happens every so often, but I have never found a way out of it. Why do I chase these things, what is this intangible value I call "happiness?" Why does stupid shit happen when it runs out, and why does that stupid shit make so much sense to me only half the time? I must risk sounding purposefully edgy and dark, but I assure you, this is not just to grab attention or justify being bleak for the sake of being bleak:

It sounds futile. This stuff keeps going away. It leaves me at unsustainable rates. I'm spending this currency faster than I can earn it. I'm eating this food faster than I can cook it. My day isn't over yet I need it to end now. Whatever metaphor you want to use. I dunno.

Me, finding this conclusion, looks like convergent evolution. No one convinced me of this or told me this or led me to believe this. I came to it on my own. It happens to match what many other people think, but I keep other people's conclusions out of my own theories since whatever circumstances drew them to their own lines of thought are not my own.

I'm sad that I sound so stock, so... Boring. On retrospection, being boring and saying what's already been said isn't bad. I just make it seem bad since I despise using other people's work. This time, we all did different work to get the same product. I'm just doing accidental peer review. Life is fucking useless but I'll keep using it until it breaks. It seems pretty damned best up and bent right now.

Life's pretty fuckin shit right now. Even with no responsibilities, I have no energy. It turns out that the stressors weren't exactly the problem, I was just like this from the start.

[fortunatelygreatlady]

A Child’s Woe

(Memoir)

          “Finish your studies” my mother said. Growing up in a small town in Sta. Cruz Baybay was a simple and idyllic existence. A couple looked after my uncle’s field and grew wheat for survival. My parents provided for our family of almost a dozen with the sweat of their brows and the soil of their fields. As a maturing fifth child, a mountain was beneath my feet following the shadow across the river of my mind/ I had my own little world to explore, full of wonder and imagination. Insufficiency of parental support is crucial for overall growth and my development as a child for this can impact my mental health, social skills and emotional well being. If I feel emotionally supported, it’s like having a soft cushion that helps me bounce back from life’s challenges, allowing me to develop healthy emotional regulation skills soar with higher self-esteem.

First, just like a tower in a mountain standing tall on a rocky cliff unwavering and vigilant; this provides me with a strong foundation by instilling education from an early age. My journey as a child was marred by bad weather filled with pressure to achieve my own sparkling milestones. Each step was like a jewel in the crown of knowledge. Each challenge is like a precious gem to be conquered. The thrill of learning along the way is like a sunlit vista, with endless probability of mine. However, the pursuit of myself was a tumultuous voyage, fraught with stormy seas and treacherous uncertainty. My journey was riddled with pitfalls and stumbling blocks, hindering progress and causing setbacks. Weight of expectations felt like a heavy burden, pressing down with overwhelming pressure. My once clear path was obscured by foggy doubts and fears, making it difficult to navigate towards the designed destination. Despite the struggle in mind there was a glimmer of hope, a flickering light in the midst of a storm.

When my mental health started struggling way back in 2020 during Covid-19 , it felt like I'm in a dark and endless tunnel. I can't see the light at the end, and I feel trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions. It's like a weight on my chest, making it hard to breathe and move forward. I often feel drowning in my own thoughts, unable to come up for air. Being stuck in a stormy sea, with no raft or life jacket to keep me afloat. The waves keep crashing over me, and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. On bad days, it feels like I'm trapped in a small box with no air or light. I feel suffocated and helpless, unable to escape my own mind. A nightmare that I can't wake up from, no matter how hard I try. There are times it can also affect my physical health. I feel exhausted and drained, like I have no energy left to get through the day. Trying to run a marathon with a broken leg - I can push myself, but it's painful and unsustainable. . And every time I think I've found a way forward, the path crumbles beneath my feet and I'm back where I started.

Second, when I have a lack of social skills, it's like being a fish out of water. Feeling out of place and awkward, unable to navigate the social waters around me. Trying to speak a foreign language that I don't understand, I can't connect with others or express myself in the way I want to. A wall that separates me from others. I want to connect with people, but I can't seem to break through the barrier that keeps us apart. And the longer I stand on the other side of the wall, the more isolated and lonely I feel. Trying to dance without knowing the steps. Clumsy and self-conscious, worried that I'll make a mistake or embarrass myself in front of others. And the more I worry, the more I stumble and fall. On bad days, it's like being invisible. I want to be seen and heard, but no one seems to notice me. It's like I'm speaking into a void, and no one is listening or responding. And the more I try to get attention, the more I feel ignored and invisible. Lastly, when my well-being is suffering and  being lost in a dense fog. I can't see where I'm going, and everything around me feels hazy and uncertain. Stumbling through the darkness, hoping to find my way but never quite getting there. My body feels like a house of cards, with each card precariously balanced on top of the next. A single gust of wind could knock it all down, leaving me vulnerable and exposed. And the more I try to hold it together, the more I feel like I'm on the brink of collapse. My mind is a stormy sea, with waves that crash and toss me around. Trapped in a small boat, with no way to steer or control my course. The longer I'm adrift, the more helpless and overwhelmed I feel.

On bad days, it's like being trapped in a maze, with no clear path out. Every turn I take leads to a dead end, and every step I take feels like a wasted effort. It's like I'm running in circles, never quite reaching my destination. My body feels like a car with a flat tire, dragging along and unable to pick up speed. It's as if I'm constantly running on empty, with no fuel to keep me going.And the more I push myself, the more I feel like I'm going to break down. My mind has this  tangled ball of yarn, with thoughts and worries that knot together and refuse to unravel. I'm stuck in a mental loop, unable to break free from the same patterns of negative thinking. And the longer I stay stuck, the more I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality.

Overall, the negative impact of mental health can be overwhelming and isolating. It can make me feel like I'm alone in a dark and scary place, with no hope for escape. But with the right support and resources, I know that I can find my way back to the light and start to heal. Having a lack of social skills can be like being a fish out of water or speaking a foreign language. It can feel like a wall that separates me from others, or like trying to dance without knowing the steps. And on bad days, it can feel like I'm invisible, speaking into a void with no response. But with the right support and resources, I know that I can learn to swim in the social waters and find my place in the world. Negative well-being can be like being lost in a dense fog, a house of cards, a stormy sea, or a maze. It can leave me feeling uncertain, vulnerable, overwhelmed, and stuck. But with the right tools and support,  I know that I can find my way out of the fog, steady my house of cards, calm the stormy sea, and navigate the maze to find my way to a place of greater well-being.

[innerworkingofbrain]

A Child's Woe

A Child’s Woe

“Finish your studies” my mother said. Growing up in a small town in Sta. Cruz Baybay was a simple and idyllic existence. A couple looked after my uncle’s field and grew wheat for survival. My parents provided for our family of almost a dozen with the sweat of their brows and the soil of their fields. As a maturing fifth child, a mountain was beneath my feet following the shadow across the river of my mind I had my own little world to explore, full of wonder and imagination. Insufficiency of parental support is crucial for overall growth and my development as a child for this can impact my mental health, social skills and emotional well being. If I feel emotionally supported, it’s like having a soft cushion that helps me bounce back from life’s challenges, allowing me to develop healthy emotional regulation skills soar with higher self-esteem.

First, just like a tower in a mountain standing tall on a rocky cliff unwavering and vigilant; this provided me with a strong foundation by instilling education from an early age. My journey as a child was  marred by bad weather filled with pressure to achieve my own sparkling milestones. Each step was a jewel in the crown of knowledge. Each challenge was like a precious gem to be conquered. The thrill of learning along the way  was a sunlit vista, with endless probability of mine. However, the pursuit of myself was like tumultuous voyage, fraught with stormy seas and treacherous uncertainty. My journey was riddled with pitfalls and stumbling blocks, hindering progress and causing setbacks. Weight of expectations felt like a heavy burden, pressing down with overwhelming pressure. My once clear path was obscured by foggy doubts and fears, making it difficult to navigate towards the designed destination. Despite the struggle in mind there was a glimmer of hope, a flickering light in the midst of a storm. When my mental health started struggling way back in 2020 during Covid-19 , there was a dark and endless tunnel. I can't see the light at the end, and being trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions. The weight on my chest, making it hard to breathe and move forward. I often feel drowning in my own thoughts, unable to come up for air. Being stuck in a stormy sea, with no raft or life jacket to keep me afloat. The waves keep crashing over me, and I don't know how much longer I can hold on. On bad days, it feels like I was trapped in a small box with no air or light. I feel suffocated and helpless, unable to escape my own mind. A nightmare that I could not wake up from, no matter how hard I tried. There were times it also affect my physical health. I was exhausted and drained, like I had no energy left to get through the day. Trying to run a marathon with a broken leg - I was able to push myself, but it's painful and unsustainable. . And I thought I have found a way forward, the path crumbles beneath my feet and I went back where I started.

Second, when I had a lack of social skills, it was like being a fish out of water. Feeling out of place and awkward, unable to navigate the social waters around me. Trying to speak a foreign language that I didn't understand, I couldn't connect with others or express myself in the way I want to. A wall that separates me from others. I wanted to connect with people, but I couldn't seem to break through the barrier that kept us apart. And the longer I stand on the other side of the wall, the more isolated and lonely I felt. Trying to dance without knowing the steps. Clumsy and self-conscious, worried that I would make a mistake or embarrass myself in front of others. The more I worry, the more I stumble and fall. On bad days, it's like being invisible. I wanted to be seen and heard, but no one seems to notice me. Like I was speaking into a void, and no one was listening or responding. And the more I tried to get attention, the more I felt ignored and invisible. 

Lastly, when my well-being was suffering and  being lost in a dense fog. I couldn't see where I was going, and everything around me felt hazy and uncertain. Stumbling through the darkness, hoping to find my way but never quite getting there. My body felt like a house of cards, with each card precariously balanced on top of the next. A single gust of wind could knock it all down, leaving me vulnerable and exposed. And the more I try to hold it together, the more I feel like I was on the brink of collapse. My mind was a stormy sea, with waves that crash and toss me around. Trapped in a small boat, with no way to steer or control my course. The longer I'm adrift, the more helpless and overwhelmed I feel. On bad days, it's like being trapped in a maze, with no clear path out. Every turn I take leads to a dead end, and every step I take was like a wasted effort. I'm running in circles, never quite reaching my destination. My body was like a car with a flat tire, dragging along and unable to pick up speed. It's as if I was constantly running on empty, with no fuel to keep me going. And the more I push myself, the more I feel like I was going to break down. My mind had this  tangled ball of yarn, with thoughts and worries that knot together and refuse to unravel. I was stuck in a mental loop, unable to break free from the same patterns of negative thinking. The longer I stay stuck, the more I feel like I was losing my grip on reality.

Overall, the negative impact of mental health can be overwhelming and isolating. It could make me feel like I was alone in a dark and scary place, with no hope for escape. But with the right support and resources, I know that I could find my way back to the light and start to heal. Having a lack of social skills can be like being a fish out of water or speaking a foreign language. It felt like a wall that separates me from others, or like trying to dance without knowing the steps. And on bad days, it could feel like I was invisible, speaking into a void with no response. But with the right support and resources, I know that I could learn to swim in the social waters and find my place in the world. Negative well-being could be like being lost in a dense fog, a house of cards, a stormy sea, or a maze. It can leave me feeling uncertain, vulnerable, overwhelmed, and stuck. But with the right tools and support, I know that I could find my way out of the fog, steady my house of cards, calm the stormy sea, and navigate the maze to find my way to a place of greater well-being.

[villainsandvictimsalliance]

I won't deny the League of Villains is not a thing to be maintain. It is not a healthy environment for its members to heal, it was instead encouraging violence and not correctly dealing with their traumas and many other points that just held the League of Villains as an unsustainable situation.

What also can't be denied is that without the League of Villains, most of its members couldn't be saved at all. The League as a group restored the faith in humanity of most of its members, something that yes, it started with Stain as a symbol, but Stain was a celebrity inspiration, the League was the real thing, the constant support, the reinforcement.

Before the League, all its members were separated and alone. Why would you ever believe in a society that has done nothing but reject you? Chase you down for being different? Cast you away? Gave its back to you?

With the League, even as shitty and violent and toxic as it was, these members realized hey, humans are not all monsters. Hey, there's people out there willing to accept me and help me and become my friends not because I'm a tool to be used or just a step in a ladder, but because they really want to get to know me and they truly enjoy my company.

Dabi went from talking like he was the only villain that a matter to being proud of the League! And using the "us" pronoun! After what happened in Sekoto Peak, they were the first to let Dabi know he was not alone!

Society has completely giving up on Toga Himiko. You know what the League did? They say you're not dying on us. If anything, we're dying for you. While her parents treat her as she was already dead, there were a group of criminals worried about her, taking care of her, listening to her.

Mr. Compress? Twice? They had no one, they had nothing. To this day, everything there is about Mr. Compress past is a distant heritage and a dream. No one, no place, no clue. And Twice only had himself, his clones and his trauma over not being even able to trust who he was or he was even alive. And they had two of the most amazing moments in the whole manga, sacrificing themselves for the League, saying how much they felt loved and who their existences only came to matter thanks to the League.

Fuck, Magne got avenged. A woman who thought nobody cared got an entire group that came from from actually not caring, going all in and creating a crazy strategy to make sure the people who killed her suffered.

Should I talk about Spinner, who's only felt seem with the League? Who found out about how he was more than just a lizard with them?

Or should I talk about Giran? The man who underwent torture for them even if he didn't have to? The man who build that family as much as the others did?

Or about Tomura? Man, I'd probably never state enough who much Tomura meant for the League and how much the League meant for Tomura.

So what the League did was heal the distrust and hopelessness of each member, making them believe there was some future where they didn't have to be alone. So when the heroes hint they could be that, companions that would help them heal and pay for their crimes at the same time, it doesn't sound as crazy because they already know from experience there's someone who wants and can do just that.

That's why I keep repeating that waht the League means doesn't cancel out what other people means to the members of the League, and the other way around. Those are complementary relationships, they don't exclude each other.

The fact, they couldn't exist if not together.

[brawltogethernow]

Hi! Hope your year's going well. Sorry to burst into your inbox with questions but you seem like you'd know this: why is Spidey treated as the Quippy(TM) hero? Pretty much every Marvel hero quips during fights, as far as I know. But if they hear *him* quip suddenly they pretend like they're Serious and Can't Stand Smartass Comments During Fights At All? I get that whoever he's fighting/directing the comments at is supposed to hate it but why do his allies/friends also groan? Thanks in advance.

It's been a mixed bag so far, anon, but not without some good in it. And back atcha.

This is a thing because of a horrible, deeply stupid domino cascade. What happened was, in 1962 Spider-Man was very fun to read and people liked that. Immediately after this we have our first problem, where people tried to identify what was making it so fun and correctly concluded that a key component was that Peter talked a lot during fights and the way he did it.

Peter's comedic timing in classic comics is very strong, delivered in a way where you're inclined to credit the character and not just the writer, and is honestly the most regular indicator that you're dealing with a character who's supposed to be very intelligent - he comes up with witty (and often very mean) things to say about almost every situation without any apparent expenditure of effort.

This was identified as quips, which is not exactly what I would call what Peter does. What Peter does is patter - keeping up a running commentary that lets him control the rhythm of a fight. Patter follows the rhythm of a scene, where a quip acts like a brake interrupting a scene's momentum.

So far, this does not sound like a meaningful hill to die on. And it isn't. This is a nearly nonexistent bit of semantic fuzziness.

AND YET.

So now it's been like forty years and Spider-Man has a deserved reputation as an amusing character. Awareness of this has spread way beyond the field of people who actually have any reason or inclination to understand the finer ins and outs of Peter Parker's very distinct character voice. Everyone knows that what Spider-Man does is, he quips! That means he tells jokes! This is technically true, but paints an inaccurate image of Peter as someone who interrupts fights to make puns, fascinated by his own wiseassery to the point of distraction like a bird with a shiny object. This is now what the general public thinks he is like. This filters back from the general public into comics. I do not at this time know what specific releases you can point at to blame for this, but Marvel's (comic branch's) grip on Peter's voice started to get just a liiiiittle slippery here and there every once in a while in the mid-90's, as they expanded Spider-Man unsustainably beyond their three core titles, and One More Day (in 2007) basically put it in the ground.

Meanwhile, the MCU starts in 2008 with Iron Man, capturing the hearts of millions. They start building up their brand. The conviction that quips - actual quips - are key is cemented by Avengers in 2012, because everybody is besotted with the abrupt, self-fascinated, oddball way the MCU's interpretation of Tony Stark talks. As well as being amusing, this is strong character work that tells you a lot about Tony - his brain runs very fast, like Peter's, but also he's bad at connecting to people, bad at treating them with consideration in a conversation to the point of debilitation, and extremely uncomfortable expressing or receiving expressions of direct, sincere emotions. He interrupts people. He makes jokes no matter how dire the situation is as a maladaptive coping mechanism. Because he knows he's a genius, he remains convinced that he's funny regardless of whether his audience agrees.

His out-of-universe audience definitely agreed, though, and here we begin to lose the plot, again. The quippy speaking style gets shoveled around more generously in Avengers, the movie directed by the Buffyspeak guy, and is received with strong audience approval, and after that it defines the voice of the MCU. Even when that means deflating serious moments with jokes to the detriment of your film. This filters back down to the comics.

So now you've got this entire quip dimension, and an entire line of comics variably mimicking or sending up its style. And then you have Spider-Man, who everyone knows is The Quip Guy. Surely something about his quips sets him apart from everyone else quipping, since he has that reputation? No one can write this convincingly because it is not a real thing.

So that's how you get team titles that are just endless series of quips, with scenes where Spider-Man shows up to make a quip of the exact same tone and quality and then everyone around him suddenly acts like they have never heard a quip in their life, and also hate jokes and being funny. Because something has to be different about his joke style, right? It must be that there's too much of it, which is annoying? Time and place, Peter! Ha ha.

And I look at MCU Spider-Man, a character advertised as being funny because everyone knows Spider-Man is funny, who has been set up to stand out in a universe entirely populated by wiseasses who quip constantly by being written to deliver jokes with absolutely no intention behind them whatsoever, because he is stupid, because he is a teenager and clearly teens are innately stupid, and that's the joke. And I am inclined to agree: It's extremely fucking annoying.

[vamp-domme]

A mutual acquaintance asked me a few questions from that list you shared. The euphemisms really piss me off, but the questions are good, and I'm sending the answers to you so your readers can hear a bit of my perspective.

15: Are there any objects your pursuers should remove from you beforehand (glasses, wedding ring, cell phone, etc.)? I'd sooner let my ~pursued~ keep a gun than a phone, and I gave someone a gun once. (It had exactly one bullet in the cylinder. Yeah, that was me, and he gave it back and said it wouldn't be necessary. What a champ.) Actually using one during the fun? A grave offense.

But also, as a matter of courtesy: keys! You really don't want to lose keys in the rows of someone's cornfield. It's the little things that make the difference.

21: How much of a head start do you think is appropriate? If you've been blooded: what's the most memorable head start you've been given? This varies a lot, and tends to get shorter in winter (winter ~pursuits~ are more speed-oriented, because if they get away you won't find them until the snow melts.) I prefer longer head starts, for reasons I'll explain in a bit.

Our prey come up with really good openings themselves; if they propose something, I tend to roll with it. One of my signature offers is a bottle of spirits and a shot glass, and I give a very short lead (ten seconds to a minute depending) for each shot they drink. This works best with a group of people being ~pursued~; they never do the same thing twice, so it never gets old.

27: Shadowing, or hot on the heels? Tell me, sweet things: do you fantasize about shivering in sweat-soaked clothes until someone trips over you? Of course you fucking don't.

But it happens, and it always happens the same way: an unsustainable high-energy opening. After the first ten minutes the adrenaline rush wears off, people crash, and they can't outrun us so they go to ground. That's not a ~pursuit~, that's hide and seek in the dark, and it sucks. They never get back in the headspace, and don't even appreciate letting them live at the end.

What we want is a high-energy finale. We want the snap of the twig behind you that makes your ears perk and the hair of your neck stand on end. We want the desperate moonlit chase, the hot breath on your neck, the footsteps splashing in puddles, the rip of clothing snagging on thorns, the terror as another of us joins the chase out of nowhere. We want the hard landing of the takedown and the sting of the abrasion and the rough clawed hands on bruising skin and the thirsty eyes looking down on you and the pounding of your heart in your ears and the smell of grimy sweat and pain and just how excited this makes you feel, how badly you need it then and there, how ready you are for whatever comes next.

Admit it. You do too. And the way to get that is to draw it out, make it last, and ramp up the tension slowly so the ~pursued~ isn't too tired for a climactic end.

So to answer the question: Shadowing or hot on the heels? Yes, and it has to be in that order.

—🌘

Mm, we have an interesting divergence of perspectives, dear sister.

I prefer to let my quarry take what they will, with the knowledge that how they behave will change how I behave. If they lose something, they shouldn't have brought it with them. I also give quarry the opportunity to store their belongings until the end of the game, after which they'll get them back.

I've had quarry turn a gun on me once, long ago during the bloodsport days. It went as well as you would expect.

And yes, when I pursue my goal is to inspire dread - that my quarry never knows exactly where I am, but is always aware of how close I am to them. As is my nature, I can't help but tease them as well. I call to them, and let them know how pretty they'll look all pale and shivering, completely at my mercy. That tends to get them running for a time. 💋

[michaelbranch]

A Brief Summary of Ideas: The Madness of Crowds

*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question

The Madness of Crowds: Gender, Race, and Identity

Author: Douglas Murray

Assumption that a heightened moral knowledge comes with being an oppressed/minority group. "Speaking as a ..."

All these causes started as legitimate human rights campaigns.

Gay

Can't award yourself the right to attribute motives to others that you can't see but which you suspect. Prerequisite for avoiding perpetual confrontation is an ability to listen to people's words and hold some trust in them.

Problem of changing societal positions so swiftly is that unexplored issues and arguments are left behind in the wake.

We still don't have much idea as to why some people are gay.

Hardware = something people can't change (and thus shouldn't be judged on). Software = can be changed (and thus may be available for judgement). Inevitably there will be a push to make some software issues into hardware.

LGBT groupings composition is unsustainable and contradictory. Internal frictions and contradictions even within groupings.

Some heterosexuals are genuinely disturbed by gay people. Plenty of stages between absolute equanimity and ease around people and a desire to violently attack them.

Marxist Foundations

See society not as an infinitely complex system of trust and traditions evolved over time, but solely through the prism of power.

Anyone who questions an "ism" finds themselves accused. Easy weapons to wield with no price to pay for wielding them unfairly.

When it is nearly impossible to tell what is being said, almost anything can be said, and exceptionally dishonest arguments can be smuggled in under the guise of complexity. T= be weary of arguments that can't be presented simply.

Women

Society has doubled down on the belief that biological difference can be denied or ignored.

T= When people make exaggerated claims about what someone else said, its likely an example of people deliberately and lazily adopting simplified misrepresentations of the argument in order to avoid the difficult discussion that would otherwise have to take place.

Contradictory statement = possible to be sexy without being sexualized

Presumption that almost all relationships in the workplace and elsewhere are centered around the exercise of power. Various types of power; many parties can hold different ones.

Privilege is unbelievably hard to define or quantify. How can strata be arranged to be flexible enough to include everyone but consider various comparative changes throughout life. Also, easier to see in others but more difficult to see in ourselves.

Intersectionality is not a fully worked out science.

Concept of the patriarchy has become so ingrained its rarely disputed.

Impact of Tech

If we are running in the wrong direction; tech helps us run faster.

Internet has allowed new forms of activism and bullying. To find people accused of "wrong thing" works because it rewards the bully.

"The one thing we can say with certainty about the advent of new technologies is that people overestimate their impact in the short term and underestimate their impact over the long term." -Variously attributed.

What we say in one place may be posted in another, not just for the whole world but for all time. Having to find a way to speak and act as though it may be in front of everyone. To speak in public is now to have to find a way to address or keep in mind every possible variety of person.

T= Don't sacrifice truth in the pursuit of a political goal.

Race

Some portion of black studies started attacking non blacks. Growth of "whiteness studies" w/ aim of disrupting racism by problematizing "whiteness". Displaces celebratory nature of many race studies to with problematizing others.

Catastrophizing has become one of the distinctive attitudes of the era.

Q= Should we seek color blindness (get beyond race to individual judgement, making skin color effectively an unimportant aspect of a person's identity)?

An idea that since everything was set up by a structure of white hegemony everything is laced with racism and therefore everything must be done away with.

If people got things so wrong in the past, how can you be sure you are acting appropriately today?

Important in crowd maddening mechanism: person who professes themselves most aggrieved gets the most attention. Rewards outrage over sanguinity.

Politicizing issues such that the speaker and their innate characteristics don't matter. What matters is the speech and ideas they give voice to.

Easy(er) to slip up not on an issue of motive but, especially when no other evidence is available, a crime of language.

Social media age has brought us opportunity to publish uncharitable and disingenuous interpretations of what other people have said.

Equality of opportunity AND outcome almost certainly impossible.

Forgiveness

T= Context collapse: conversation/act taken out of context and used to create a simplified version of a person or their beliefs.

Q= How, if ever, is our age able to forgive? Since everybody errs during their life there must be - in any healthy person or society - some capacity to be forgiven. Part of forgiveness is the ability to forget. The internet will never forget.

Actions have consequences that are unbounded and limitless. Constantly acting in a web of relationships in which every action starts a chain reaction. A single word or deed could change everything.

Without being forgiven we would remain the victim of the consequences forever.

T= Historically perpetrators and offended both die out and the grievance fades over time. Internet leaves a permanent record.

Internet helps people approach the past from an all-knowing angle. Retributive instinct of our time that suggests we know ourselves to be better than people in history because we know how they behaved and how we "would have" behaved.

To view the past with some degree of forgiveness is among other things an early request to be forgiven in return.

Trans

Every age before this one has performed or permitted acts that to us are morally stupefying.

A considerable range of cultures has adapted to the idea that some people may be born in one body but desire to live in another.

For intersex people, the question of what medical intervention might be suitable and when is a matter of serious contention.

Very hard to know how to navigate the leap beyond biology into testimony.

Still almost nowhere near understanding trans; including how common it is.

Autogynephilia: arousal that comes from imagining yourself in the role of the opposite sex.

Q= whether what one person believes to be true about themselves has to be accepted as true by other people?

Questions about the age at which people who believe they are in the wrong body should be allowed to access drugs and surgery are worth considering.

Q= What do you need to do to be content with your body, not change it?

Seems we're running to quickly on the trans issue, scared to be on the wrong side of history.

Some contention between trans and feminist ideas.

T= little contention that equal rights should be given. Issue is preconceptions and assumptions about how to go about tackling the issue.

Q=Claims of human rights violations are inversely proportionate to the number of violations in a country. -Daniel Patrick Moynihan. Only a very free society would permit (or encourage) claims about its own inequities.

T= when people attempt to sum up our societies in terms of simplistic structures ask, "compared to what". Not to say elements of our society can't be improved.

The victim is not always right, nice, deserves no praise, and may not be a victim.

Incline towards generosity when interpreting others words/acts.

-People are wiling to interpret remarks from their own tribe in a generous light while reading opposing ones in as negative a light as possible.

To assume that sex, sexuality, and skin color mean nothing would be ridiculous. To assume that they mean everything would be fatal.

The madness we are living through is an over-reaction to past injustice. Belief is that the fastest and best way to address this is to over-compensate.