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startanewdream · 3 years

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It comes with the age

Summary: The thing about having birthdays is that you get older.

Or James Potter is not ready for his first white hair.

(Jily Lives AU)

Read below or on AO3:

It’s there.

James thought he had caught a glimpse of it in the mirror a few days ago, but he had accounted for just a strange reflex of the light. He had even searched for it in the mirror later - when he was alone, when no one would witness his moment of self-doubt -, but he hadn’t found it.

He was sure he had just imagined it.

Until today, when he was leaving the bathroom and checked himself in the mirror distractedly. On the morning of his birthday, as if the powers from beyond had decided to mess with him.

It’s there, a foreigner that has no right to be there and still is shining lazily and brightly against the dark locks around it.

His first white hair.

What should he do? Take it out?

He remembers teasing Remus a lifetime ago - though now he feels a lot more compassionate for Moony, whose hair was sprinkled with grey even before he was twenty - that if he took out a grey hair, another ten would appear in its place. It was Sirius that came up with it, so James is not sure he believes it, but he can’t take any chances.

One white hair is one more than he’d like to have until he was fifty at least. He just turned thirty. That’s way too young to have grey hair.

He takes a comb, something he doesn’t remember ever doing in this bathroom, and tries to arrange his hair for the first time in years (the last time was before his first date with Lily; Sirius almost laughed to death watching his attempt to straighten his hair and James had given up - whatever had possessed Lily to accept to go out with him, she clearly didn’t have a problem with his messy hair).

It helps to hide that white hair in the middle of the black strands, but then he turns his head and the light catches it again, exposing that revealing strand of hair. It seems to glow with the light, a bright silver sign yelling to the world: here, come look at it, James Potter has white hair.

It’s not that he is vain about his own hair - that would be Sirius, no question -, it’s just that its blackness was always part of it. If he was a fugitive, his character sketch would consist of his hazel eyes behind the rectangular glasses and his messy dark hair.

Dark hair. Not grey.

He needs to do something about it. It’s urgent.

He goes back to his room, searching on his bedside table for the ink they always leave there for some emergency letter. The pot is near empty and he files a mental note to replenish it later, but now he has more pressing matters.

He goes to the bathroom again, carefully opening the inkpot and pinching a little between his fingers. Then his other free hand grabs carefully the white hair, raising it; just a little bit of ink and it will all be fine -

'James? What are you doing?'

He lets the white hair fall immediately, his hand already messing his hair nervously and he turns to Lily with the most confident smile he can manage.

'Hi, love', he says, which makes Lily raise her eyebrows at him. It's really unusual for him to call her like that.

'You are taking long', she says slowly. 'Harry and I have your breakfast ready'.

'I'll be in a minute, just go downstairs -'

'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, yeah'.

'Then why is your hand covered with ink?'

James grimaces; his hand was hidden behind him, but the mirror - that treacherous thing that's exposing all his secrets today - showed the reflex, of course.

'Just trying something', he says nervously. 'Checking how I would look with a moustache, see?'

He draws a moustache around above his mouth with his hand, all curly at the end, and grins at Lily, expecting it to satisfy her curiosity - maybe Lily will just look at it as some weird prank.

'How do I look?'

'Classical', Lily answers amusedly. 'Now, not that I don't appreciate your effort, but what were you really doing?'

James sighs, defeated, and he sits on the closed toilet seat.

'I am old', he admits heavily. Lily blinks.

'Yes', she agrees carefully. 'Getting old is what happens on birthdays'.

'Not just because of it, but… look at it', he lowers his head.

'Hum… what should I be looking at?'

'Stop being nice to me, Lily. I know what is there. I can't deny it anymore'.

'James? I am starting to -'

'I have white hair!'

He raises his eyes, expecting to see the disgust on Lily's face, her realization that the dark-haired young man she married is fading away, but Lily is just blinking, confused.

'That one strand? It's no big deal'.

'Of course it's a big - wait, you already knew?'

'Yeah? You do know we sleep together, right? I saw it a few days ago'.

'And you didn't say anything before?'

'What was there to say? It's one white strand, not an illness'.

'It's a tragedy, that's what it is. It means my glorious youthful days are over'.

'I really doubt it, James', she says soothingly, kissing the top of his hair. 'You seemed pretty glorious last night', she winks at him and James feels smug despite himself.

The night before had been rather intense, he couldn't deny it; a very good start to his thirties, if he could say so himself.

And then there is something almost wistful sparkling in Lily's eyes, the remains of an old fear he always saw during the war.

'And I am glad you are old', she whispers, and when he opens his mind to retort, she lets out a soft laugh. 'More experienced, then. I mean… I am happy we are getting older together'.

'That's what we promised in our wedding vows', he remembers.

'To grow old and grumpy together', she repeats, eyes glistening. 'So… It makes me happy to see this one white hair. To know what it means. I hope to see many more'.

'Oh, fancying a grey-haired husband, Mrs. Potter?'

'If he is you, that's all I want', Lily assures him softly, and James grins back, raising his head to allow their lips to meet.

It's a very nice birthday kiss, and then he raises without interrupting it, pressing Lily closer to him, thinking that maybe he can also get a morning quality time for his birthday…

'Dad? Mom?', there is a cry coming from the bedroom.

They break apart with a familiar sigh - Harry always has impeccable timing; Lily winks at him, a promising gleam in her eyes, and James tries not to look too flustered.

'Here, Harry', he says nicely, leaving the bathroom. Harry is at the door of the room, his arms crossed and a grimace on his face.

'You were kissing, right?', he says, sounding properly appealed by the idea.

'A birthday kiss is a very good gift . One day you may find out', James teases, and Harry doesn't look convinced. James fights back a laugh. When he was nine, he wasn't very much interested in kissing anyone either.

'You were taking too long - wait, why is there a moustache on your face?'

'Oh', James flushes, while by his side Lily giggles, taking out her wand and cleaning his face. 'Just trying a new style. How would I look with a moustache?'

Harry shakes his head.

'I know it's your birthday - but don't'.

'And what's your opinion on grey hair?'

'Much better than a moustache', Harry answers, shrugging. 'I keep telling Sirius he should go grey, but then he goes he is a Black…'

'Wait', James blinks. 'Sirius has grey hair?'

'Oh', Harry stops, a guilty expression on his face. 'I shouldn't - never mind.

'Harry… come on, it cannot be that bad'.

'I shouldn't have seen it - I was just looking in his bathroom drawer for a band-aid, and then I saw it'.

'Saw what?'

'His entire hair collection', Harry whispers, amazed. 'He has a product for everything - more than you, Mom'.

'I knew his hair couldn't be that shiny naturally', James says to himself.

'Yeah, and then there was some hair dye too'. Harry flushes. 'That's when he found me. He told me it was for work, you know, for when he needs to disguise himself, but I am not sure'.

'So Sirius has grey hair then?'

'It comes with age', Lily replies, looking amused by the sudden change in James' humour. 'Now your ego is feeling better, can we go down for your breakfast?'

Harry jumps.

'Please, I am hungry! And we need to give you our gift!'

'We are coming', James promises, smiling. 'You can start, we will be there in a sec'.

Harry nods, grinning, and he runs out of the room; breakfast was always his favourite meal of the day.

'My gift is not a hair dye, right?', James asks playfully, as he and Lily leave the room.

She laughs.

'No, and don't go teasing Sirius about it'.

'I wouldn't dream of', James says, though he is feeling pretty happy that he is still far away from needing hair dye.

Maybe in his forties - if he still has hair; he remembers his father's hair had been wispy, and now he comes to think of it, the edges of his hairline have been thinning out...

'Oh, Merlin', he cries. 'Is my hair falling out?'

#Jily Lives AU #Happy Birthday James #James Potter #jily fic #T: fanfiction #Domestic Fluff

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youwontlikethisblog · 3 years

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Forgive Me!

This is a long post, like really long so take breaks if you need them :) There's also some rants in this lol

The night started off with Betty leaving Eco Moda and Armando going to a bar with Mario where they talked about the plan. At some point Mario, seeming sincere told Armando that he was convinced and that he shouldn't go and comply with his duties as a man.

However Armando tells Mario that he can't do that and with an endearing smile told him that Betty was really looking forward to them spending time together, that he couldn't let her down.

As I keep mentioning, Armando has an EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION to Betty up to this point. That emotional attraction is what pushes him forward. He does have a physical attraction to her but it is mostly based and motivated by his emotional attraction. I think it's extremely important to understand that having an emotional attraction to someone doesn't mean you don't find them physically attractive. People usually experience physical attraction at first sight and confuse that as love, however those types of relationships don't last long UNLESS there is a strong emotional attraction and while Armando has first experienced an emotional attraction to Betty and then a physical attraction to her, it doesn't make it any less valid that he does like her and that he is attracted to her but by this stage of the novela Armando, though not completely understanding his feelings towards Betty has now come to be at peace with his emotional attraction, though he still rejects the idea of any attraction to her because he's a man obsessed with perfection.

We have been seeing Armando slowly come around to his emotional attraction to Betty and whenever they have heavily emotional conversations or they are being vulnerable it is when he seems to desire her more. The entirety of his character is that he goes from being this vain and superficial man to being a man that cares for true substance and stops being so selfish. If he were to ONLY feel physical attraction to Betty or be ONLY motivated by that physical attraction than his character would have never learned any valuable lessons in life, aside from not being a liar. However the fact that his attraction to Betty is emotionally strong and the main course of action that moves him to change and INSPIRES him to change is what makes this such an important and impactful relationship to him because he knows he can satisfy his human body, however he's never felt his emotional senses satisfied. I don't want that lost in translation when I do these breakdowns because we understand why he has denied, ignored, and confused his feelings towards Betty, however it is important to also understand that the feelings he doesn't hide away from are the ones he is slowly embracing in the past few episodes that set a foundation to what happens on the night of Betty's party.

For that exact reason we get the scenes we do.

Now that that's out of the way, lets dive in.

Armando told Mario that he thinks Nicolas is still trying to get with Betty, that he had been calling her all day long and that he thinks that Nicolas is a cansón(unbearable) guy.

Later on at Betty's house after Don Hermes gave him a tour of his daughter's degree's and such, they're sitting down while Don Hermes drunkenly tells him about Uncle Lazaro, the man who was rich and lost all his money. As he tells him this emotional story we hear a knock. Betty runs to the door and calls out it's Nicolas and Armando tries to hold his composure.

This scene is a favorite for two reasons: One Nicolas does something that Armando swore he'd never do; take a romantic serenade to Betty and Two that while Armando has said he has never wanted to meet Nicolas in this scene you can tell that he wants to.

As Betty is outside with Nicolas who is telling her that he'll behave and that he even wore his best dress to impress Armando is inside constantly leaning towards the door and looking to that direction.

When Betty finally accepts the serenade from Nicolas Don Hermes words are impactful to Armando as he gives him a nickname, which means that Don Hermes like Nicolas a lot and views him as part of the family and lastly as Don Hermes said; that the most important thing to him was that Nicolas adores Betty.

To Armando this means a lot and it does upset him.

Take a look at the scenes of this episode; Betty's dad brags about his daughter, he shows her off like the most beautiful girl to ever exists and she is(being beautiful transcends the physicality of someone). I highly doubt that Armando's parents ever do that. Roberto didn't even know what his son studied in college. Armando has a deep respect for Don Hermes and fear of him as well(it doesn't stop him from being a jerk but he has it) and for a man that brags about his daughter that way, who protects his daughter so much, and who makes her daughter be respected; to declare Nicolas as the son they never had, say he's a member of the family, give him a nickname and say that what matters to him the most is that Nicolas adores Betty means so much to Armando because he holds none of that.

Armando isn't the one they call son, he isn't a member(not yet at least) of the family, he isn't the one that adores(that they know of) Betty and has Don Hermes approval. It angers him. The post I made "Nicolas Mora Is Better Than You" explains this a bit better. Armando has barely just begun to touch surface of what Betty's personal life is like and he now has to not only view Nicolas as his economic and romantic rival but now as the rival that is also taking away his opportunity to join Betty's family life.

Now add that with his short fuse and obsession with perfection and cleanliness, by the time everyone leaves the man wants to go. Also that Betty accepted Nicola's serenade and roses while he was there.

However when he tells Betty that he wants to go home and for her to follow him to the door he literally stops a step or two away from him, as if he sensed that his shadow was no longer there, he turned to look at her and asked her what was wrong, why wasn't she following him?

He tries to explain that they've been drinking, that his clothes are dirty, and that most places are closed but when he sees Betty's demeanor he lets out a sigh and tells her:

"Well, fine, Betty, okay. Let's see what's open." He says with a soft tone and happy to comply to Betty, who's entire demeanor brightens as she asks if he's for real. He gives her a genuine smile at this, she tells him to give her a moment to grab her things and then they can leave. Armando then hears his father-in-law start to sing and he covers his ears.

Just in time Roman and Co. cause a scene with Marcela and Patty(they were there spying on Armando) so that Armando and Betty can sneak off without getting caught.

(Read posts Betty's New Look, I Don't Believe He Desires Me Part 1 & 2 to better understand these following posts.)

Both Betty and Armando have been drinking that night but Betty more than she is used to so she is being more relaxed ;)

While Armando is driving and looking for a place to eat Betty is giving him small kisses on the neck. When Armando asks if she's had a lot to drink she chuckles and says yes.

As Armando explains that all restaurants are closed and there's no more places open Betty asks if he's still hungry and he sarcastically respondes that the appetizers are her house were exquisite(he didn't get to eat) and asks Betty what place did she suggest.

"We can go dance."

"Dance?" he asks surprised.

"Yes Sir, let's go dance." She smiles but Armando doesn't seem enthusiastic or even happy about it. So Betty leans away from him. "Mm, well, if I'm taking your time, if you don't want to be with me, if you're bored, and you want to go to Ms. Marcela's apartment, I get it."

"Betty it's not that, Betty. How do I explain this? It isn't that. It's just getting late, it's getting really late." He tries to play it off with a laugh. However Betty swallows hard and stays silent. Armando turns to glance at her briefly and takes in a quick breath and says "Okay we'll do something, don't get sad my picarona(google translate gives me both naughty and smart so you do with that information what you will)." he grabs her by the chin. "We'll go dance for a little then."

"The Sir had his drinks too, no?"

"Yeah... but a few." He says at the end. "I still need a few more." he says under his breath. Betty then leans her head on his shoulder and he stops the fake smile and shows a genuine one.

(The next scene is of Freddy dropping off Aura Maria and I'm currently writing another post about them :))

[I don't know if y'all noticed that Both Armando and Betty are using the same outfit that they used the day of the new collection launch(before he changed for the show). Betty is wearing the same green dress with flowers while Armando is wearing the same black suit with the dark gray shirt and dark purple tie.]

Armando and Betty made it to a club where they danced until Armando imagined Marcela catching him and he freaked out and told Betty it was best for them to sit down.

He's paranoid because Marcela hasn't been ringing up his phone so he thinks that she's following him though the times he has spoken to her that night he has always said "We'll talk tomorrow" implying that for the night they won't converse anymore but because Marcela is a controlling possessive freak he is paranoid she'll catch him.

Betty goes onto being the supportive girlfriend who wants to take care of his emotional needs by asking:

"Sir what's wrong? Is something worrying you? Are the drinks making you ill?"

"No." He says after he sets his drink down. "Or yes? I don't know." He looks worried.

"What's happening is that we've drank too much." Betty smiles and runs her fingers through the back of his head. "we're a little crazy." she laughs.

"Yeah."

"But I'll make sure to make you better, sir."(GIRL (0O0)). Armando looks at her serious.

"Yeah, how?"(DUDE I CAN'T Y'ALL DON'T UNDERSTAND THESE THINGS MAKE ME UNCOMFORTABLE TO WATCH AND NOW WRITE? LMBO).

"With my kisses." Betty pulls him closer and he leans down to kiss her and they goin, they goin at it, my guy. For a man who says that he isn't attracted to Betty he sure do have a funny way of showing it. CAUSE DANG SON.

Armando jumps back a few seconds later because he is imagining Marcela sitting across from them watching him. Panicked he jumps back and tells Betty:

"Betty you're like pa-pa-passionate[tonight]."

Betty here asks for consent, she is asking for the go ahead to continue.

"Why Sir? Do you not feel the same that I do?"

"Eh ye-yes, of course."

"This urge to be close, kissing." Betty kisses him "Oh Sir, I need you so so much. Do you need me?" Armando has been distracted looking around him, paranoid that Marcela could be around but also because Betty is really putting it out there, you know?

'Ah?" However to reply to her he finally stops looking around and stares at her and with sincerity tells her "Yes, I also need you so much."

There's a reason why I point this out a lot recently and that is that Armando throws all caution to the wind and prejudice and stops caring about his denial whenever he has let his guard down around Betty and whenever they have been conversing about emotional subjects.

Here when Betty said she'd make him feel better it allowed him to feel her love because it wasn't just Betty flirting, he knew and trusted that she would both emotionally and physically, which is why he invited her flirtatious effort and flirted back. Then when Betty was telling him how much she needs him, asking if he too needs her, though for Betty this was all her flirting and being romantic, to Armando this all felt very emotionally charged because when he responded to her that he too needs her very much it wasn't just physically but mostly emotionally and that means to him so much more than anything else when it comes to Betty up to this point because they haven't sinned(lol) so once more he welcomes and returns Betty's affections.

He still pulls away though and he looks confused and worried as well as uncomfortable.

[EDIT: After watching this scene again(I pressed the wrong episode and I'm too lazy to go back on the disc menu but I ain't complaining) I realize that Armando's expression here isn't him uncomfortable, it's worried, and surprised. After he pulls away he keeps his eyes closed, as opposed to before when before, during, and after he kept his eyes open. He keeps eye contact with her and swallows hard and takes in a deep breath and then searches her eyes.]

"What's wrong, Sir? Do you not want to be with me anymore? Do I make you uncomfortable? Am I bothering your?" Again, Betty is asking him for consent. She is asking him if he wants to. This is so important! Not only because it proves that Betty didn't take advantage of Armando like so many think she did but because it holds a lot of emphasis when it comes to Armando and his affairs/relationship with Marcela and I'll explain that later on in the post.

"No-no it's not that Beatriz. I'm just nervous and paranoid." he says looking around "this thing with Marcela, I don't feel at peace. Why don't we leave?"

"Where to?" Betty asks with a smile.

"Where?" He asks worried.

"Yes, or do you not want to be with me, Sir?" Betty again is picking up on his cues. "We've only been together for a little bit." Betty's had her arms around Armando's shoulders this entire time and is staring at him adoringly.

"No yeah, yeah. I don't know. Let's go somewhere else, like some other place."

"We can go somewhere we can be tranquil and at peace." She flutters her eye. "lets go." She kisses him.

Now Armando once again has been a hit or miss. One moment he welcomes Betty's advances and the next he seems uncomfortable. One moment he sincerely encourages her advances and the next he do so forcefully.

When it comes to consent the lines are very clear. Betty has asked for clear consent and when she herself, drunk or sober, has taken notice that Armando is not on the same page as her, she has asked to reassure herself and him. She is doing all of this under the guidance that Armando feels the same way and is consenting, both physically and verbally.

Yes, she's had a lot to drink which would explain why she isn't so timid as to flirt and show her affection. Betty is a affectionate drunk, or a happy drunk if you will. So this is normal behavior for a drunk Betty. We've only seen her drunk once before(when the girls took her out to celebrate her promotion) and she was pretty happy, giggling, and over-all when she got home very excited and happy as she wrote in her journal.

Armando is a cynical drunk...well he's always cynical. This is really based on personal opinion and not on what we are being told by the writer during this scene so take this with a grain of salt. I believe that Armando IS feeling paranoid about Marcela, obviously, we are shown this but I also believe that the reason he also jumped back when he was kissing Betty is because he felt something other than the emotional attraction he's so used to feeling towards Betty and it was a lot more noticeable to him here.

[EDIT: Hey guys this is a correction to a certain detail that I confused, though the meaning still stands.

I wanted to clarify this because I mixed up both scenes. This is the kiss after he jumps back when he sees Marcela sitting across from them. This time he pulls away from Betty with his eyes closed, that expression that he has is the face that tells us that he knew in that moment that physically he would be capable of doing that to Betty. ]

Now Betty and him leave the club and while Betty is inside the car Armando calls The Love Guru, Mr. Dimples, The Hype Man.

While he expresses that he has no desire, no wish, no anything that inspires him to do that with Betty, Mario tells him that he should just grab the situation by the horns and get it over with, that Betty is testing him to see how far his love for her goes and this is where he finally decides to do it.

Mario didn't use his classic tactics of "The Company! Our Money! Your Family! Nicolas! Your Ego!" this time he said "She's testing to see how much you really love her." and Armando decides, with free will and all, that he'll take Betty to a hotel.

This scene pisses me off for a lot of reasons(it's actually my first time seeing this scene since the NBC airing took it off when I saw this episode so this is all my opinion at the heat of the moment lol)

For one, though Armando does care for Betty, he doesn't care enough. He is disregarding the fact that Betty is a human being, a person with feelings and emotions and all he's doing is just forcing himself to go along with it, yes he has secret desires bla bla bla, but above all, his actions are being driven by deceit, to himself and to Betty. The fact that he doesn't even take some time to consider her feelings, to express himself so disgusted by the idea that Betty, his Betty, desires him and he thinks it's so disgusting that she does, infuriates me!

He is being extremely unfair here because he believes he is the first man to ever lay eyes on her, to ever be physical with her. He believes that he is the first man Betty will ever be with to the extent of the word and even then, even for some stupid sympathy, some stupid chivalry or some stupid kindness! He doesn't think about how she could be feeling! He doesn't stop to consider if she's scared, afraid, nervous, a freakin' wreck! He stops to think "Oh I can't take her to my apartment because then she won't ever leave!" just like he expressed himself about Claudia Boche. He thinks more about himself than he does about Betty and her wellbeing and this plays such a huge role in Betty's future pain.

But damned be his dedication questioned and he'll kick into gear.

While yes Armando has begun to actually play the role of her boyfriend, who has now learned to place Betty's feelings before his own, sometimes, he has yet to learn to be a man about it all. He still hasn't truthfully sat down to try to figure out his dream and when he has done so, he has decided to ignore, deny, reject, and push away.

Betty deserves so much more than this "man" that night.

Ok personal rant over, let's continue being objective.

Okay it's not. Can he make up his mind?

Now it is.

So Armando drives up to a hotel, where Betty asks where they are and he tells her, a hotel(okay sometimes breaking down Armando's behavior exhaust me but it's like I love to suffer IG, so I keep doing this to myself lol so I'm probably gonna be snarky and sarcastic a lot for this one lol) and goes on to explain that he thought this is what she meant but then tells her in a fast pace "or not. We can go home to our beds because we have to get up early-" and Betty interrupts him by saying that it was what she was thinking and leans in to kiss him and again, homeboy goes in. He goes in with enthusiasm, like someone pointed a gun to his head and said "Kiss her like you mean you slut" and he said "bet, no gun needed."

Yo that's a nice hotel(THIS IS ALSO MY FIRST TIME SEEING THE SCENE OUTSIDE OF THE HOTEL. Y'ALL GETTING MY LEGIT FIRST REACTIONS).

Armando's behavior here is embarrassment as he is whispering who he is and that he wants a hotel reservation. He keeps looking around to see if anyone will notice him.

Also Armando is bougie cause he told Calderon that he wasn't going to go to a dingy dark hotel and look at the very NOICE hotel he did go to. The hotel is very nice.

Betty however has not once laid her eyes off of Armando. One could imagine what she's thinking. It's something probably along the lines of "I can't believe this is happening, that he's here, that it's really him and that we're here together. That he desires me just like I desire him."

However as soon as they enter the room Betty's entire demeanor changes. She stops holding onto him and her smile falls from her face and she looks like she's holding her breath. Very timidly she sits on the bed and when she notices Armando sitting as well she moves away with her hands holding each other in front of her, on her lap.

I imagine this probably brings back flashbacks of her first time and how she must've felt. She's probably running all these memories and thoughts of it, wondering if Armando will also be like Miguel.

I do appreciate the fact that this scene is so quiet. It makes it so realistic and honest as well as raw. While Armando is thinking about he is sacrificing himself, Betty is reliving a trauma.

This is why I didn't want to talk about Armando physically desiring Betty as this eager craving that was driving him crazy. His desire for Betty in a physical sense was motivated and pushed forward by the growing of his emotional attraction, again, that doesn't invalidate his attraction to her, attraction is attraction one way or the other the only difference is that physical attraction doesn't last very long while emotional attraction does.

Armando turns to look at Betty with a pain expression on his face. His brows are furrowed but his mouth is in a snarl.

Betty then stands up quickly and excuses herself to go to the bathroom.

Now Betty's first time has a lot of impact here, it isn't only because she's been bullied and made fun of because of her appearance all of her life. Her first time with a man made her feel extremely hideous as a woman. Could you imagine what she felt when she found out that Miguel had only slept with her because of a bet? To look at herself in the reflection of a mirror after that? And not obsess with it, not hate what she was staring at? To not feel disgusted by her own reflection? While before she hated that she was ugly this time it felt so much more personal, to the point that she wanted to die. Her first time was traumatic and it holds so much meaning here.

Betty is staring at her reflection, she glances at her body covered in her baggy clothing and pulls her coat forward, she rolls her shoulders back, pulls her glasses up and stares at her face, while Betty is going through this Armando is going through his own dilema.

He calls up Mario and tells him that he doesn't think he can do this and Mario tells him to order a pill or something but to do it.

"I'm going to try to be more explicit. I won't be capable of it."

"Where's Betty?"

"She's in the bathroom." He points with his hand holding a whisky. "She's in the bathroom, I'm waiting for her to come out. Brother, I want to leave, yeah? I want to run out of here." He says those last words as a begging.

"Look, Armando, I don't think you've understood me. You're playing with fire. Get serious. You can't take her to a hotel room and then try to escape. You can't, it's too late. Comply with your obligation, man."

"I can't. I'm not capable of doing this to Betty. Plus I've had two bottles of beautifiers, of whisky, and none of that, none of that convinces me that I have to do this to Betty."

"Listenlisten wait for her to come out of the bathroom, turn off the lights, close the curtains, leave the room in complete darkness and think of Adriana Arboleda[...] but you're not leaving there, you understand me? You. Are. Not. Leaving."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks a lot." He angrily hangs up the phone. Armando then goes to turn off the lights and close the curtains.

A very shy and timid Betty steps out of the bathroom and the darkness towards the part of the room where the bed is.

"Betty..." He squints at her. "Would you like a drink?"

"No Sir." She smiles. "I drank enough tonight." She laughs(her smile here is so cute! Like she smiles so bright that her eyes almost close and she looks so cute! I told you I love Betty, she is my child and I will defend her to the ends of the earth.) but when she turns to look at Armando she stops. He stands up and goes to kiss her but Betty, though for a second looks like she's going to kiss him, walks past him and sits down on the bed, again, sitting very straight and still(A sign of nervousness) with a worried expression, her hands are once again clasped in front of her, sitting on her lap.

Armando and Betty both lean in to kiss once they're both sitting on the edge of the bed again but Armando pulls away this time. Betty searches his face while he maintains his eyes closed and swallows hard. His expression was pained one.

"What's wrong, Sir?" She leans back. Armando now opens his eyes and stares off at something else.

"it's-it's just that I won't be able to, Beatriz, I'm sorry." He finally says.

"It's because of Ms. Marcela, right?"

"No, it's because of you." He says the last word looking away from her and standing up and going to the couch next to the bed, against the wall.

Betty swallows hard and stares off to the other side of the room and then turns to stare at him, once again swallowing hard, her eyes start to tear up and she nods.

"Don't worry, Sir. I understand." She looks down at her hands.

"Thank you, thank you." Armando replies while staring at her though for a quick second he looks confused about it.

Betty draws in a sharp breath and begins to speak. "I knew that this, this couldn't happen." Armando now stares at her, again, with a solemn expression. "That it was the start of a dream but without an ending." She chuckles while Armando still stares at her, Betty hasn't made eye contact since she said she understood. "I aspired too much with you." Armando looks away from her, deep in thought and considering what Betty is saying. "It was already enough that you would have noticed me, for you to go out with me..." Betty's chin quivers and her eyes become more teary while her voice chokes up as she tells him "for you to have kissed me." she shakes her head and looks like she's fighting the urge to start sobbing. "This is a big deal to me, Sir. What I have accomplished with you up to now, is just too much to just expect that you desire me as well." She finally looks at him.

"No. No, Betty you're misinterpreting what I just said. It's not like that either." He speaks to her softly. Betty however shakes her head, with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"No-nono Sir. You don't have to explain it to me. You-you don't have to feel that kind of attraction for me...that desire. You can't be the exception...and for the fact of having this... very beautiful relationship...by the fact that I love you, Sir." She again makes eye contact with him. "Doesn't mean that you're under the obligation to make love with me." She looks down at her hands.

Armando removes his glasses and stands up to take Betty's hands in his.

"No Beatriz, come, please come." He takes her hands into his and holds them up. "Don't say those things, yeah? Don't say these things, no." he says staring at her.

"Sir." Betty looks somewhere else. "Forgive me. Forgive me for pressuring you, for-for having been so overbearing tonight. Forgive me, sir." She begs. "I'm such an imbecile." She cries. "Forgive me." She covers her face with her hand. Armando takes her hand.

"Don't say those things, Beatriz. I do desire you." He whispers and leans in to kiss her but after two kisses Betty pulls away, stands up and says:

"No no, Sir. You don't have to do it. Don't do it out of compassion or commitment."

"Beatriz I-I'm not doing this nor do I want to do this for any of the things you just said." he says emotionally frustrated. Betty turns to stare at him again.

"Then why do you want to, Sir?" She asks timidly.

"I want to do this because I love you." Armando himself seems surprised by this confession of his. "Because I love you, Betty."

And scene.

Marcela, the models, and the women Armando has had affairs with have more in common than looks and social statues. They also don't take no for an answer.

When Armando has at first said no, has said that he doesn't have time, this and that, the women continued to insist until he finally gave in. Yes, Armando is a seggsual man and yes he does choose to sleep with these models but lets not ignore the fact that he too at times is pressured, persuade, or manipulated. Is he an easy victim? Yes because he is a man driven by his seggsual needs, does this excuse his cheating? No because at the end of the night he does consent because he finally gives in into his desire but it doesn't happen until they basically beg him to. Marcela is a different story. She seggsually manipulates him a lot.

In other words what I'm trying to say is that for the first time ever that's about to change. When he calls Mario to beg him to get him out of that situation, Mario dismisses his feelings and tells him he has to "man up" and do it, an angry Armando agrees and hangs up, however this is very similar to the time he tried to explain his feelings and why he felt so guilty for what he was doing to Betty and Mario just made a joke about it all and he stopped talking about it.

So he stays, against his will, feeling guilty, terrified, and scared of it all and a timid Betty enters the room and when he makes an advance she moves, when he makes an advance and she follows it but stop when she sees that he isn't doing anything anymore, she studies him and asks him what's wrong.

Even when Betty is terrified, reliving a trauma, she caters to him and his emotional needs. Armando finally confesses that he can't do that(I'll explain I promise!), when Betty asks if it's because of Marcela, he again confesses that it's because of her[Betty] and this shatters her but she understands and she again places his feelings and his needs before her own.

Betty has been cautious, sober or drunk. She has asked for consent, she has read his body language, she has waited for him to reciprocate it. Up until this point, Armando had given her the green light. When she was doubtful, apologized, and pulled away, he told her otherwise.

However now things have changed. Again Betty asked for consent and this time he didn't give it. However unlike all the other ones, Betty doesn't pressure nor try to convince him otherwise. This time the woman he was going to spend the night with tells him that she understands him, that he doesn't owe her an explanation, that he isn't obligated to do that just because she loves him.

This time Armando's no is being respected and this holds a huge significance in what is to come next.

As he hears Betty's expression of remorse, her shame and guilt over her behavior towards him, he is once again grabbed by the cheeks and forced to face his feelings for Betty.

When he repeated that he couldn't do that to Betty we have to look at the context of that. Unlike when he spoke to Mario at the office and outside of his car at the club Mario told him to take a pill, something to physically make him capable of doing it but Armando clarifies that he didn't mean that, he meant he wasn't going to do that to her.

That he wasn't going to be her first time under the guise of love when he wasn't even aware that he had those feelings for her.

Finally Armando pulls his head out of his an*se. and starts to think about Betty and how it could impact her because he is capable to physically do this. He sits on the corner of the mattress taking in deep breaths, mentally preparing himself to think of AA to be able to do this but when it comes down to it, when he is now faced with timid and sweet Betty, he no longer can.

When he is faced with an emotional Betty that is being vulnerable, sharing her spirit with him, he is faced with the reality of his feelings.

What is love?

Love is an emotion we all feel to certain degrees. There is familia love, platonic love and romantic love.

Above all that however love has qualities that allow us to pinpoint what we are feeling and if it's healthy.

Love is kind, respectful, honest, loyal, faithful, humble, peaceful it is not possessive nor jealous and it does not hold record of wrong doing. Love is forgiving and love is selfless.

Betty truthfully loves Armando.

However, Armando is still figuring this out but in this scene, while Betty cries and tries to hold herself together, Armando shows to be kind, honest, peaceful, forgiving and selfless.

Armando has the exact same expression he has when Betty is letting him in, when she's giving her all, showing her heart and being to him with simple words of confessions. He is always deeply impacted by what she is saying. When Betty says that she aspired too much he looks away from her because the guilt is now killing him. He is seeing how what he has done has affected Betty and his fear of hurting her sets in because now what Betty feels, he feels too.

"it's just too much to just expect that you desire me as well." his expression here is pained, it hurts him to hear this from her.

He replies to her "You're misinterpreting what I just said."

What exactly is she misinterpreting?

He said that he couldn't have relations with her because of her. For Betty, who has once been with a coward, who has been made the laughing stock of Eco Moda, her neighborhood, and schools, there's only one reason why, she's ugly and no man would ever desire her.

So what does Armando mean here? Because his tone of voice, his behavior is very natural.

Armando couldn't sleep with Betty under deceit. He couldn't sleep with her by pretending she's somebody else and he couldn't sleep with her for the sake of everyone else that he's doing it for(the company and his ego). Armando couldn't be Betty's "first" if it meant he wasn't being honest but as he sits there and listens to her his heart is moved and it isn't for sympathy, empathy, obligation, or pity that he stands up to tell her the he does want to be with her, that he does desire her, it is for love.

This is where that emotional attraction I keep pointing out comes into play. Once again, when Armando is fully charged on emotion with Betty he is ready to go.

"Just because I love you." He is fully concentrated in every word Betty is saying and the meaning of it and the fact that under deceit he has gotten Betty(We know she's loved him since before but he doesn't) to fall in love with him makes him angry at himself(he clenches his jaw showing anger or frustration.).

But how are we so sure Armando is being honest in this scene with Betty?

For one Armando can't bare to make eye contact with Betty when he's lying to her or feeling guilty. When he is being manipulative his voice sound distant from emotion, rehearsed, unnatural, and cocky. This time it isn't like that at all. He stares, makes eye contact and his voice is sweet, tender one could say, full of emotion, natural, and desperate to comfort her.

So in conclusion this night is very meaningful for the both of them. For Betty this is the first time since Miguel that she is giving all of herself despite her trauma. It is the first time she is trusting somebody else and welcoming them into her intimate space. However for Armando this night is also very meaningful because it's the first time that someone respects his boundaries and doesn't demand for excuses or reasons. Its the first time someone apologizes to him for crossing the line, the first time someone considers him in the relationship, add that to the fact that he was already deeply moved and affected by the way Betty is treated and how it makes her feel and you've got yourself a man that for the first time ever is in love and he isn't only going in for the mechanics of it all but to make Betty feel his love, to give himself to her, to show to her that she is important, she is desirable, she is his love.

However when all is said and done, Armando is left confused with everything because an otherwise emotionally "controlled" man who has been denying and ignoring his feelings towards Betty has finally let his guard down and he has crashed into the abyss of his feelings that finally came to light.

Was Armando in love before? No.

Up until this night Armando wasn't in love but in the heat of the moment with emotions riled up inside of him, he fell in love.

How do we know he didn't lie or manipulate Betty?

Because when we finally see their scene after they fornicated(I am really immature and that makes me laugh) Armando is sleeping like nothing, homie fell asleep like he just had the best time of his life and was ready to hit the hay but we've been told that Armando hasn't been sleeping and shown scenes of him tossing in bed but this time he is sound asleep.

Now, again, this is the first time that both his physical and emotional needs were met at the same time so of course it's an important night.

Betty is left more in love than ever, more enamored, hallucinated than before and when she exits the bathroom we see a cold man who at seeing Betty softens.

Homegirl gave mans a five star rating in her yelp review.

When she hugs him he looks confused but also savoring the moment.

As they walk towards the reception desk Armando no longer looks stressed out. In fact he walks with Betty at her pace, holding her hand and checks out without whispering and behaving casual and normal.

When they're in his car and she leans her head on his shoulder, he asks what she's doing and she says "I want to keep dreaming." and he looks pained by this because Armando has had conversations with himself about his feelings and the ending of their relationship because he knows he will never end his relationship with Marcela.

Finally the drop off scene.

While Betty is asleep on his shoulder, Armando stares at her sleeping and gently wakes her up.

"Thank you so much for everything. It was the best birthday of my life." She smiles at him.

He swallows his guilt and tells Betty that she has no idea how happy that makes him.

"Beyond the best birthday of my life, it's been the best night of my life and though I know this is just another night, that you've had other nights with so many women(girl nice way of calling him a whore, I approve) -"

"No." He states. "No. this night was very special, very, very special."

"Of course." Betty picks up her head. "Because you've never been with a woman like me." She laughs but Armando stares are her serious.

"No Betty, No. This night was very special and you won't ever imagine how special it was. See, lets talk tomorrow, alright?" He smiles at her. Betty's demeanor shows us that she believes what he said to her.

"And will you go to Ms. Marcela's apartment now?"

"No." He says quickly. "No. I'm going to stay at my apartment." Betty nods slightly and moves to exit his car when he stops her. "Betty see I need to ask you a question, I don't know, I've got stuck inside of me, and it's best that I ask it now."

"Ask me." She nods.

"What happened tonight, what we did you and I...truth be told...I-I always thought that it be your first time ever. I would have never thought that you'd made love in the past."

Betty swallows hard and asks him: "and does that affect you? Does it change your image of me? Sir, will you stop loving me?"

"No, no, no. It was imply curiosity, Betty. Beatriz, who were you with before[me]?" Betty looks away from him and swallows hard. "There was another man in your life, right?" he seems a bit jealous here. Betty nods.

"Yes, Sir...there was someone...I had a relationship before[you]."

"Nicolas Mora?" he asks mad.

"No." He looks away, relieved. "another person but I don't like talking about that."

"No I don't want to make you uncomfortable either so lets no talk about it anymore. You know.. go in and rest a bit. We'll see each other at the office, alright?" Betty nods and they both lean in for a goodnight kiss.

Armando asks himself what he did as Betty walks across his car to get to her house and he watches her until she enters her house and turns on his car to leave. Unlike before that he turned on his car as Betty walked to the door and drove off as she entered her house, this time he waits for her to go in to turn on his car and this small details is so important!

It is currently 10 am where I'm at and I have been writing this post since 11 pm last night so forgive me for my typos, which I'm sure there is more than the usual but by this point it's my signature.

'Til next time! :)

[EDIT:

I just wanted to also point out how relaxed Armando is when he shows up to his apartment that he starts to play with his dog(yet another victim of this show WHY DON'T WE GET MORE DOG SCENES, WHAT HAPPENS TO HIS DOG?) and for a brief moment is deep in thought while we hear Betty's monologue, as if they're sharing the same thoughts.

Then Armando walks into his room and his actual girlfriend is waiting for him, he rolls eyes and this is the first time that not even her seggsual manipulation works on him.

Marcela asks the same questions Betty asked him "Does it bother you? Does it make you uncomfortable?" but unlike Betty who was truly concerned for him, Marcela does it to control him.

They argued but by the end of it when Armando tells her he is perfectly fine and just wants to wash up and go to bed Marcela goes to kiss him, telling him that she wants him(and unlike when Betty said this, that he told her he did too, this time Armando doesn't even interact with Marcela) but unlike before, when he'd at least give in a little, well at least to the degree that Marcela thought it was okay for her to continue, this time Armando just stares at her with a serious face.

"What's wrong with you? What? You don't want to be with me? Want me to leave?" She asks angrily. Armando once more, with a dead serious expression tells her:

"I'm tired." He says and purses his lips while he stares at her.

"That's never been an impediment in the past."

"Well tonight it is." He says.

He tells her not to worry, that tomorrow will be another day and the last part sounds like he is telling that to himself. As well his rejection to her is not only because he made love to Betty, with Betty, but because he also told her that that night he wasn't going to be with Marcela, in other words, he wasn't going to get rid of her trace.

I do feel bad for Marcela in this scene but not enough.

Okay I'm sleepy bye. ]

#armando mendoza #don armando #armando ysblf #beatriz pinzon solano #betty pinzón solano #beatriz pinzón solano #betty #yo soy betty la fea #betty ysblf #betty la fea

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meyeselph · 3 years

Text

Gwenpool: Desperate Misanthrope's Confused Angst

Showtime

Ms. Pool woke up in a familiar room. Not in Krakoa - there are no mutants around. This isn’t a story about that. Look, honestly, without an actual Gwenpool series and the constant breaks in her comics appearance I can’t even begin to give a fuck. I cancelled my marvel universe subbie. I might get back to my stories but single issues are iffy. I read fast and don’t pore over the artwork. So I get 10 minutes of entertainment for….FIVE DOLLARS? When did this happen? Jeezus.

Who even reads comics anymore?

Anyway, long story short, Gwen got out of bed and recognized the room as her old one from the “old times.” The dark times. The ‘not running around in pink and white outfits and shooting people’ times. She panicked (Been there. It is what it is though). The only way out of trauma is through.

She dressed in old clothes, immediately hit by old smells, she couldn’t help but cry. Was it all a dream? Have I gone insane (again)? All the usual self doubts cropped up. I mean, really, if you think this kind of thing didn’t pass through her mind regularly why don’t you transport yourself to a comic book universe?

Oh, you can’t?

Oh. It isn’t actually possible for you and I’m stupid for suggesting it. So, yeah. If it actually happened and you kept that attitude then the logical assumption for a normie is a mental breakdown. Trick for Gwen, though, is it's probably always been both real and her being nuts.

So she goes downstairs to the kitchen to figure out why this is happening and Evil Gwen is having cereal. Let's say cocoa puffs. I’ve been thinking about those recently. You ever remember cereal as something worth cherishing. Not as just bullshit that TV convinced you to want? God damn, now I want Cookie Crisp. Cookie Crisp wasn’t even ever that good. Why do I want Cookie Crisp?

So also sitting around the table were the faceless versions of her father, mother, and her brother. Just chilling. No BD. Seen Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind?

Yes, I know that references aren’t jokes - fuck you, I’m painting a picture and I CAN’T PAINT, THAT’S WHY THIS ISN’T A COMIC. Fucks sake. Anyway. So, Gwen is so creeped out that she just sits her butt down by Evil Gwen as if she’s the comforting presence here.

Her name’s too long. Let’s call Evil Gwen uh…….Gren. You know, like Grendel from Beowulf. I haven’t actually read Beowulf and this is all a little confusing but I'm solving problems here. Writing this is harder for me than you would think so it’s best to keep things flowing off the cuff. That’s the Gwenpool™ style anyway, isn’t it? Are you laughing yet? IMPROV. “YES AND” MY SHIT, READER!

“So, you ever really look into the retconned past thing, hun?” Gren said, moving her tongue around her food. Being gross as an attempt to be properly evil. She swallowed before continuing. “This is all I could really put together on short notice but i’m pretty sure what the future people created, all that stuff to try and trick you, it was all bullshit.”

“What do you mean? Are you trying to convince me to go all psycho like you again?” Gwen asked, exasperated, realizing she was now back in the whole ‘fuck with Gwen to decide her fate’ song and dance routine from the end of her first arc.

“Nah, not really.” Gren said. A hammer appeared in her hands out of nowhere and Gren swung it into their fake father’s head, snapping his neck..

“DAD!” Gwen instinctively cried as she saw her father’s body slump to the floor. Gren slapped Gwen’s face. “That’s it,” Gren said, “this is what the trick was.This is a poorly created character in a fictional story. Meant to manipulate you into attaching your concept of “father” to it. Even his finished version in the original comics run wasn’t THAT well drawn. Your dad read like a boomer’s idea of a responsible parent. You were going through a mental crisis and struggling to find purpose in life and his genius idea was get a shitty low paying job and suck it up?”

Gren turned to their brother, pushed his face to the table and smashed the back of his skull. . “Brother dearest, too. Going right along with their victim blaming. He gaslighted you as if what you were going through was just you being ‘irresponsible.’ Bitch, people working a minimum wage job aren’t somehow not impoverished and miserable because they get some of that ‘honest work’ that folks keep badgering on about. Minimum wage work is occupied by many physically and mentally disabled people held hostage; they’re people society only pretends to care about. Then they turn it all into you acting like some world ending threat. No questions about what drove you to the edge in the first place. You are just ‘unstable,’ so you’re just a problem to be solved. They say, ‘Let’s all solve this girl being upset and on edge by ruining her concept of self, reality, and memory.’ Brilliant!”

Gwen barely processed this in horror. Gren then slit the poor facsimile of their mother’s throat while continuing to rant, “You see people die all the time, Gwen. Half of the time you are doing the killing. You do it because it’s in a story. In a story the NPCs don’t matter and, after all, your original schtick in the story was to be kill-crazy. The non-marketable characters can be replaced or retconned at the stroke of the artist’s pen.” Gren leans forward as she pulls a Gwenpool mask over Gwens face. “Then the writers convince you that you have some middle class milk toast family and you take abuse and subsume your emotional needs because the problem MUST be you. You aren’t ‘normal’ so you have to be fixed.”

Gwen wiped her eyes over the mask and sighed. A bit of fire filled her gut as she stared at Gren. “So fucking what? You want me to go on a killing spree and be a big time villain to get myself a nice, shiny permanent big bad status? That’s how I stay around right? Just build my legacy on bodies?”

Gren scoffed “You already lost that fight, girly. Where do you think we are? Because this ain’t Marvel Comics.”

Confused, Gwen blinked and tried reaching for the page margins, finding nothing. Wait….why was everything on this page so ill defined and undetailed? Wait? Why was the story in kinda wobbly third person past tense?

Gwen sighed “Oh. I’m in a fanfic. I guess the publishing fight is for another day eh?”

“My advice, personally,” Gren stated, “is that you consider the lobster.”

“Wait, what the fuck?”

Gren pulled aside the kitchen curtains revealing the face of a giant lobster, its claws tapping on the glass. The lobster muttering gutterally about personal responsibility.

“Because there’s a couple thousand giant lobsters outside that would like to claw you until you read their book.”

Scared of Girls

On the rooftop, Gren shoved a high powered rifle into Gwen’s hands while she handled the close range threats. So, this conversation they’re about to have is important. Sniping puts Gwen into a sort of zen space, so that’s a better task to keep her focused, after all.

“So, what? You wanted me to internalize that my “origin story” is bullshit? Okay, what does that accomplish, then?” Gwen asked in a bit of a deadpan. She was so tired today. Not really feeling her happy go lucky energy. More like a “happy go fucky” energy. It was hard to always be on a knife's edge. Still the rifle’s kick into her shoulder was satisfying as she blew through two of the creepy looking lobsters at once. “Also, why the lobsters?”

Gren considered this. “Okay, last question first, I had to experiment a lot and do a lot of research to construct this place for your learning and healing in fanfic form....These buddies are a failed experiment of mine that I repurposed because the fic needed more action. Isn’t that right, giant enemy crap?” As she peppers the nearest goon with a hail of shotgun pellets the entire throng of them burst out, sharply muttering about divine symbols.

“As for what I'm trying to teach you, it’s that you aren’t reaching your potential.” Gren grumpily huffed.

“Duh,” Gwen reloads, “I mean you just killed a mannequin version of the voice in my head that says that to me every day.” one of those crustaceans talks about feminine symbolism while she decides on her next target.

“Not like fake daddy’s ‘Be a responsible member of society by paying your taxes’ type of potential. I mean your creative and emotional potential.” Gren flipped off the slavering throng of monsters, noticing they were starting to keep their distance from the roof.

“I never did finish that fanfic idea I had.” Gwen mused.

“God, don’t mention that,” Gren thrusts a finger at Gwenpool. “Not that I don’t respect fanfic, but when comic book writers make you and Kamala squee about fanfiction to try and relate to “the kids” it comes across as so condescending.”

“Really? I mean…..I'm sure it’s meant as support for the concept?”

“Most fucking superhero comics are just legalized fanfiction! The people who created the characters are either long gone or working on someone else’s characters! They just think they are so much better because they got fucking paid. They can’t imagine themselves as on the same playing field as fanficcers even though most of them have the same level of connection to the roots of the work as anyone else.” Gren groused loudly as she seemed to pull Reed Richards out of nowhere.

Confused, Reed looked around until his eyes met Gwen’s.“Oh great, you again.” Reed groaned as he turned to survey the piles of lobster gibs while Gwen cheered the lobster forces’ retreat with a resounding “EDF, EDF!”. The scattered creatures skittered amongst the bland scenery. It looked like a suburban neighborhood but someone forgot to color in the sky….or write that the sky had color. A castle hung out in the distance breaking up the generic normalcy and lay cloaked in shadow despite being surrounded by an endless white void.

“And…..black….you?” Reed pointed to Gren, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I have an evil future self….well I stopped that future so it’s an….evil...alternate timeline self?” Gwen said with a nervous chuckle, abandoning the kill quest for the minute and rested her rifle on the roof.

“Ah. Yeah I’ve been down that road. It’s a rather common occurrence. Multiverse being what it is.” Reed laughed heartily while putting his hands on his hips.

“I’m not sure I’m evil, honestly,” Gren interjected. “I think I’m just really fucking grumpy and I’m slightly more gung-ho on the homicide. Considering Gwen’s already one of the more kill crazy characters on the roster it’s not that much of a distinction.” Gren flipped her cape. “My main distinction is I don’t like that meme from The Incredibles! You can just make it so the cape detaches automatically when it’s pulled hard enough!”

“You could still have it tangled up around your face.” Reed pointed out in his standard know-it-all fashion.

“Don’t make me go into fuck wife mode, stretch.” Gren spat. “Okay, anyway, so I brought him here to illustrate a point. Reed. Explain particle physics to me as a laymen.”

“Huh...i’m not sure why but okay. Particle physics (also known as high energy physics) is a branch of physics that studies the nature of the particles that constitute matter and radiation. Although the word particle can refer to various types of very small objects (e.g. protons, gas particles, or even household dust), particle physics usually investigates the irreducibly smallest detectable particles and the fundamental interactions necessary to explain their behaviour. In current understanding, these elementary particles are excitations of the quantum fields that also govern their interactions. The currently dominant theory explaining these fundamental particles and fields, along with their dynamics, is called the Standard Model. Thus, modern particle physics generally investigates the Standard Model and its various possible extensions, e.g. to the newest "known" particle, the Higgs boson, or even to the oldest known force field, gravity.” Reed rattled this off rather mechanically.

Gren then took out her phone and showed Gwen the Wikipedia article on “Particle Physics,” which is naturally the same words that Reed had regurgitated above, just without any formatting and, again, on a phone.

“Reed can’t be a genius in any subject unless he’s written by a genius in that subject. That’s how stories work. Everyone is limited by the understanding and capabilities of the writer. Same with your origin story and all the people you’ve interacted with. If you are as ‘meta’ as you think you are then you have to realize that you aren’t actually talking to people. You are talking to the writer. Dr. Strange didn’t rewrite your existence to be a part of the Marvel Universe. As far as most of Marvel continuity goes Dr. Strange was never there and doesn’t know or care about his MCU casting…..Hey Reed, buzz off please before the conversation pivots to why you haven’t cured all known diseases.”

Reed looked a little surprised but then pulled out a teleportation device (of course he has one) and blipped away with a shrug.

“How awkward is that going to be when he enters the MCU after Kamala is already introduced with a very similar power set?” Gwen chuckled.

“Keep up the way you’ve been going and you’ll never see it. I’m not exactly expecting a young blonde girl casting call for Deadpool 3 and that’s your best bet.” Gren snarked. Gwen winced with a sigh.

“I don’t get what I'm doing wrong. I have a fanbase comparable to some of the characters that have already shown up but I can’t even get comics written about me most of the time. An MCU push seems unlikely. They would literally have to deal with completely recontextualizing my powers and gimmick”

“Let’s ask her what you should do.” Gren motioned her way to the suddenly appearing long hair future Gwen, looming over them like The Attack of the 50 foot Woman for some reason. Dwarfing the roof they are on. Let’s call her BIGwen!

Gold Guns Girls

As BIGwen acclimated to her surroundings she stubbed her toe on a car, dramatically flipping it so that it took out a few more lobsters before caving in a nearby house. The lamentations about clean rooms soaring as the remaining couple dozen of them attempt to clean up some of the bodies of their fallen kin. The large and sort-of-in-charge Gwen hissed in pain and adjusted her boot. Getting her balance as best as possible she muttered curses that traveled rather well considering the lung capacity of a giant.

“You know,” Gren started, “I wasn’t expecting much from our previous uses of the ‘make her big for emphasis’ trick, but it really does only work as a vague ghostly background element. I didn’t just want it to be ‘oh, here's a third Gwen for the conversation, though. Would lack umph.”

“ Yeah, I get it, but staring at my own giant taint is unsettling.” Gwen muttered.

“I’d still, hit it.” Gren grinned, then immediately got punched in the arm. “OWWW! Look, I’m the evil one here and we’re in a fanfic. I’m allowed to make internet fetish jokes.”

“And I’m allowed to hit you for it.”.

“Dirty lampshading goody two shoes. Don’t act like half your fanbase isn’t thirsty. It’s “insert current year argument”, all art is sexy to someone.” Gren complained back,rubbing her arm before hopping off the roof. Gwen followed while listening as patiently as she could considering how many changes in topic her evil-caped self is going through to get to her point. “This chick is the reason you’ve been on the path of good girl. Some vague idea that in the future everything will work out for the best. HEY, DOWN HERE, BIG SHOW!” Gren waved at BIGwen and she looked down curiously.

“Yeah what??” BIGwen responded in a booming and agitated tone. Honestly, being in this fic made every version of Gwen a little grumpy.

“How’s she supposed to be a popular hero that makes it into the MCU and has a stable publication history?” Gren asked.

“Fuck if I know.” Came BIGwen’s response. “Have you tried growing your hair out?”

“Rub it in,” Gwen muttered under her breath, “I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of depressed now.” Gwen said as she sat on an abandoned car.

Gren hopped on the roof of the car, patting Gwen’s shoulder before squatting with enough force to flex the car’s shocks like a rocking chair just to amuse herself. “Future “good” Gwen wasn’t an actual plot point, it was a call to action to the fans to make fanfic like this and support the character outside of the actual Canon. Chris didn’t trust that Marvel would treat the character right. That, and your obsession with getting a new book, are both the writer’s attempt to turn a marketing tactic into fan engagement. If you want to be real then that makes the fans want you to be real even more, too.”

Gwen sighs heavily and leans her chin on one hand. “I mean...the time traveling through the life of an NPC fan complete with a Never Ending Story reference was a bit sappy even by the standard we sometimes set...damn it it really was just kind of a fan manipulation trick wasn’t it?”

BIGwen Sat down on the street next to them and crossed her legs. “Hey, little me. Don’t get too down. I mean it worked for the most part. You have a healthy cult following. Characters have survived on less and there are worse things to be known for then as a fan first character”

“But I have to fight for attention all the damn time, though. It’s so easy for Wade with his fucking meme bullshit. He even gets runoff enthusiasm from me. Jeff the land shark is all over Oldpool online” Gwen felt rather heavy and tired all of a sudden. Marvel editorial forcing a gun to your head is not a fun way to be.

“All that fight is hell on the fanbase too.” Gren sighed. “Advocating for shit, getting crumbs and being expected to accept it while Disney lavishes all the attention based on some bullshit numbers game. Even if you make it into the MCU will it be a Batroc style cameo with obligatory ‘killed off in case we don’t feel like paying the actor again later.’ Will it be an emotionally rounded character or an ambush bug style joke? The thing is. You're Not the one fighting and you never were.”

“The fuck do you mean?”

“This version of her doesn’t know?” BIGwen whimpered.

“You aren’t real, Gwen.”

Head Like a Haunted House

“No….we aren’t having this conversation. Fuck you fuck you i’m not a fucking Nihlist and i’m not going to do this right now.” Gwen said as she scrambled off of the car and pulled out some guns. BIGwen then picked her up off the ground.

“You need to hear this, Gwen,” BIGwen boomed. “The gimmick has run its course. It’s fucking with your canon. You’re never going to be a marketable character keeping up a half fourth-wall Kayfabe”

Gren climbed onto BIGwen’s Shoulders and perched over Gwen all menacing like. “You need to listen. I’ve been trying to ease you into this. Making things more meta slowly until you were ready but it was never going to be easy.”

One of Gwen’s guns was fired from it’s holster and pierced one of BIGwen’s fingers. BIGwen screamed and her grip loosened. Soon Gwen was on the move running up her arm and firing at Gren, who dodged like the nimble and cute badass she is. “Don’t do this Gwen. Just because it doesn’t matter to the comic version of you doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter.”

“I’m a real person god damn it! I read the comics out there! I came in! That’s why I know shit I shouldn't know. That’s what I am! THAT’S ALL I AM!” Gwen shrieked as she pulled out a sword from hammer-space and decapitated BIGwen. Suddenly a mess of colored streamers and a pile of Mickey Mouse merch tumbled out. Look, I am busy right now. Gwen is still slashing at my ass. I'm not going to explain it.

For some reason now the remaining lobsters were helping Gren. For Gwen’s own good you understand. This is proof that I’m right for some reason.

Gwen pulled out a revolver, firing pumpkin sized holes in lobsters who were still wailing about self actualization. She fully planned on shoving a sword up her evil self’s ass and getting rid of this doppelganger shit for good. Which is total bullshit by the way. She totally just cut off Gren’s leg because what the fuck you mean I’m not real? I’m going to be real all over your corpse.

Gren didn’t really think that was even a good comeback and also thought you should probably say it instead of meta willing the smack talk into existence, otherwise this fanfic is going to read like trash. Also, Gren’s leg wasn’t actually cut off. In a puff of smoke it is revealed that the cut off leg is a log and her leg is fine. Gren is a ninja now, believe it.

Gwen proceeded to do a sick ass CQC judo throw on Gren and then grab her cape and wrap it around her face like Reed suggested. Callbacks for the win! Callbacks to Checkov’s gun ideas always lead to victory in fights! She then totally shot at her and such.

But the bullet was caught by the cape because the cape was a symbiote! That’s right Gren is also GRENOM!...boy that sounds stupid. Anywho, the cape was no longer around her face and the fight continued and Gren now ALSO had extra powers and special wizard-symbiote armor (that would only show up in the MCU version if Marvel finally got the Sony characters back). The meta powers work like shit in text but this would be really good in CGI or animation if Marvel wanted to adapt this fic and give the writer lots of money. Gren still has more experience with them, though, and Gwen can’t really just kill her way out of this fic so she has to just let the story play out.

…...eh?....oh Gwen’s crying. I love/am you girl but we gotta work on the crying. Fucks sake this is harder than I thought. I’m depressed now too. Well I'll try to get the writing back on track so you guys can see what is going on. Even the lobsters are minding their manners now. Chill vibes, guys.

“The marvel character page for Gwenpool says, and I quote:

Gwenpool arrived in the Marvel Universe from the “real world,” but has wasted no time in making the most of her time in her fictional universe. Using her knowledge of comics to her advantage, Gwenpool causes and solves problems for her fellow heroes.”

Gren drags a lobster corpse slowly toward Gwen and sits on its tail as she talks to her. Taking her time to really scrape the lobster against the ground, smearing the gore on the pavement. Not that it was heavy for her or anything. Totally still has that symbiote, which would make moving it easy. Totally wasn’t a detail added in the second revision of the fic slightly before the lobsters were added.

“The words “Real world” are in quotation marks in that wiki. Real people don’t make it into comics because fiction isn’t real. Half of your versions barely make use of the ‘real person’ gimmick because it’s too meta by half and not every writer wants to waste time justifying it. So they just treat it like Deadpool’s medium awareness. Which it mostly is.”

“I really am just a fucking rip off distaff character.” Gwen moans. “Just a Gwen combined with a Pool. I’m worse than the Batman who laughs. I never mattered because I was never real”

“Fuck don’t say that. You were made with love and care by a team of creators who took a weird offshoot idea and built out a compelling metafiction idea and a likeable protagonist off of it. They just didn’t have the time and foresight to go far enough.” Gren sighed.

“Far enough?” Gwen sniffed as she was pulled up to her feet and dragged toward one of the big castles. As they walked Gren kicked along a Mickey Mouse doll that had rolled out of BIGwen’s severed head. Every time it bounced it cheerfully said ‘hahah. I love you!’

“Too much haha, not enough trauma. You’re not just a joke character.” Gren said as she kicked the Mickey doll into the big front door of the castle. The shadowy thing of course lighting up and being all fantasy and shit as the door opened.

“Well I did end both of my comic runs pretty mopey.”

“Damn right you did. When the jokes run thin they run to your real bread and butter. You’re an empathy machine.” As Gren shoves Gwen through the gate they are swallowed up in the castle, going dark again. “Let’s getcha sad clown on.”

Never there

“See, what evil me should have been telling you about in the original run is how to find meaning and purpose when technically nothing means anything. Comic book characters live in a world without real death and suffering. It’s all a puppet show version of real pain and real emotion meant to bring that out of an audience.” Gren opined as they walked through a black void to a couch floating in a nothing area lit only by the static of an old TV.

“Can we turn on a light?” Gwen asked as she sat on the couch. Gren sat on another recliner that suddenly appeared and put her feet up.

“Fuck off. Ambiance is a thing. We aren’t having a ‘lights on with something fun on the TV’ conversation. So look, I am not really ‘evil gwen.’ I’m half an author insert and half a plot device. If we are talking about the reality of the story you are basically talking to yourself. I am speaking about the things you don’t want to admit to yourself. You know, you’ve seen this kind of story sorta... right?” Gren picked up the remote and frustratedly changed channels between a bunch of vaguely illustrative footage on the TV, not finding anything that worked. A lot of black and white footage of trains for some reason. Just what comes to mind when I think of documentary footage? Weird.

“I am not sure how to illustrate this shit visually and this is a text story anyway so I would have to explain the illustration,” Gren griped.

“I basically get it. It’s not that uncommon a trope.” Gwen nodded.

“Because of the level of meta we are on right now we have to really acknowledge that you are basically an author insert, too. I mean, to a certain extent every version of you is more the writer that is working with your character at the time than a set character.” Gren said as she settled on a visual of Gwen being pushed out the window by her own narration text in the original comic run. When all else fails, resort to footage from the last story. That way people can look it up online!

“Right here is where the character crystallized in the mind of the author of the current fic we are in. A vague suicide metaphor wrapped up in the flavor of self destructive escapism. Your parents in the story thought it was a suicide attempt on at least some level. This is serious business. Not just a girl who doesn’t like work and can’t finish her fanfic. In this comic you are built on this understanding. The writer of this fic has ADHD and autism. So his version of you more or less has it, too. Writers bring themselves with them into their work.”

Gwen nods and takes a deep breath. “I….I can feel it. Like the world is closing around you. You aren’t built for anything that anyone wants from you. The one thing you really believe in, the one thing that really defines you, the stories in your head…..it’s just not enough.

You can’t trust you’ll ever make it with writing because you can barely write. You barely have the energy to do anything but wish that you weren’t you. What if someone actually listened? Actually believed in you and whisked you away somewhere else where the world would fit your needs? What if you were someplace you could be someone else, someone strong and confident?”

“Yeah. Like a funny anti hero in a comic for instance.” Gren nodded. “But the original comics sort of left the theme on the table. They were captured by the misconception of Gwen as the problem and not a person who needed help. All that desperation that real fans of the character might feel just bundled up into love for this character that really ‘gets’ them but Marvel doesn’t ‘get’ the character. They won't use her. They won’t go past vaguely gesturing at her mental issues and moving on. They saved the angst for Wandavision.” Gren scoffs.

“I mean the show was okay but they literally have a character built entirely on the theme of escapism and trauma. One that’s custom built for mind-screw visuals and reality bending plots and they think she’s just a lazy fangirl who really likes guns that they can sit beside Deadpool sometimes and stick in the X-Men’s bloated background character roster when they don’t need her.”

Gren leads Gwen off the couch and deeper into the void where a door to a bedroom waits. A room like her own, absolutely slopping over with old toys of comic book characters. An unclean messy space in a run-down house that smells faintly of cigarette smoke. Huddled in bed, reading an 80s era X-men comic with a flashlight, is a 12 year old Gwen.

“This is never going to be canon but this is the version of Gwen in this fic. She can’t stop crying at school. Things that shouldn’t be hard are so hard and she can’t explain why. Everyone says she’s making excuses. Meanwhile her mother is fucked out of her mind on pain killers and her step father killed himself last year ‘cleaning his gun’ while drunk. You know exactly what is on her mind right now?” Gren says as she gestures at the girl.

“I wish the superheroes would save me from this.”

“They won’t. They can’t. They were never meant to.” Gren Slams the door loudly on the scene.

“That is the emotional core of Gwenpool in this fic. The desperation that so many of the fans down here in the fucking muck of the real world feel. Poor and emotionally unfulfilled. Confused and vulnerable. If Disney and Marvel gave two fucking shits about people like that they wouldn’t waste as many stories as they do. They wouldn’t just use untold wealth to make expensive escapist stories with the military. Their gestures toward progressive ideas that they occasionally make in their stories would be THE ENTIRE POINT of their stories and the actual thing they used that money for instead of lobbying the government to keep Mickey Mouse out of the public domain.

“Disney has the power yet they save a fucking miniscule fraction of who they could. Saving people doesn’t make money.”

When I Get To The Green Building

Gren stormed through the void. The scene disintegrated around her as Gwen followed. Both now in a bit of a sour mood but with newfound determination.

“Come to think of it. Why is the fucking Hulk getting to fight for social justice in the comics? Why are they making a gay alternate universe Captain America? Why are they grasping at straws so hard to find characters that get to advocate and I am just sitting on a fucking island being grumpy?” Gwen groused. “I’m pretty sure I’m pansexual….at least in this fic. I could advocate for a bunch of shit at once.”

“You have a youth fanbase, a unique story and you technically aren’t an alternate universe version of fucking anything no matter how many people still think you are a Stacey. They made a fucking ‘for the fans’ character and then neglected it. Presumably because some fucking money making metric didn’t pan out despite the comics just being an MCU test kitchen and IP farm anyway.”

“You’re a fucking check mark on a ledger. I don’t even know if anyone technically created Gwenpool as a whole and Disney/Marvel can give the character to whoever they want to do whatever they want completely separate from what the fanbase wants and needs because she isn’t established. The IP landlords have spoken. The fans haven’t risen to enough ‘buy my merch’ calls to action to invest more resources. So tease endlessly until that changes.”

“Gah. Now I'm actually as pissed as you are.” Gwen said as she started fiddling with her guns. “Who do I kill?”

“We can’t do shit. You’re not even a character at this point. You are a meme for an underused character.” Gren smirked all evil like. “See but that’s it. You aren’t just a meme. You’re a MEME.”

“Uhm...I don't follow.”

“Like the concept of Justice. Gwenpool is an idea. Defined entirely by how people who engage with the idea choose to engage with it. The IP law means Disney owns Gwenpool but they don’t own how Gwenpool is perceived. Just like we as a people decide what justice is through popular consent we also decide what Gwenpool is. You see they made a character for the fans…..in my opinion that means the fans can do as they like with it even if it makes Disney uncomfortable.”

“I mean they can’t even stop porn of their characters just because of the sheer volume of the problem. I suppose people could do whatever.” Gwen nodded.

“Exactly. So the fans should just fucking Occupy Gwenpool!” Gren said as she flipped her cape dramatically with a mad smile on her face. That’s right. She was Dirtbag Leftist Gwen all along!

“Squat on that IP. Make Gwenpool a mental health advocate. Make her an LGBTQ activist. Make her fight for social and financial justice so hard that Bruce Banner looks like a poser. Make her talk shit about politicians who put their career ahead of the people. Do all the shit that makes the comicsgate crowd sad. Keep politics in our stories! Rally around that pink and white ass so hard they have to notice and then tie it all to the fact that Disney has great power and with great power they take no responsibility for how shitty the world is.”

“ If they are going to fuck Gwenpool fans they gotta learn Gwenpool fans fuck back. We have already proven we can make all kinds of cool shit. Let’s get serious and make more, harder, faster! Get a hashtag or some shit. They can't DMCA all of us! GWEN IS OURS WE JUST HAVE TO REACH OUT AND TAKE IT. Then they either respect the character and her fans or they just hit a PR disaster.”

“Marvel/Disney neglects fan focused cult character themed protest movements. Proves they are only progressive when it makes them money. They’re so worried about Mickey ending up in the public domain? We’re the public domain! After our entire lives stannin their characters and buyin their merch building them from an animation house into a juggernaut they are just another weight on top of the boot on our necks. They have to take responsibility!” At this point Gren is pretty much ranting maniacally and neglecting the actual writing of the story so this is Gwen taking over to wrap up.

Guys I may not be ‘the real Gwen’ but really, isn’t the version of Gwen that actually came from the real world all of us? Isn’t Gwenpool really the Gwens we made along the way? We could easily bring a little heroism and chaos to the real world (at least to the internet) if we really tried. Put the fear of God into some IP landlords and fight for some cool people that society is screwing over, too.

Prove that even in the fandom abyss people aren’t as powerless as they seem. Use that internet comic fan mobbing for something besides giving Zack more money. Disney is gearing up for their next IP fight for Mickey in 2024. Seems like a fine time for IP themed protests. For now we just need to spread the word that our needs are more important than their profits.

It’s been real. It’s been long. It’s been a real long time coming…..

But I finally finished my fanfic.

See ya, true believers.

#gwenpool #fanfic #deconstruction #outofloveiswear #fortheoriginalwritersnotmarvelordisney #tw mental health #tw mentions of suicide #tw mentions of drug abuse #tw violence #tw gun violence

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hp-nextgen-fest · 4 years

Text

2020 HP Next Gen Fest Reveals!

The time has finally come for the 2020 @hp-nextgen-fest reveals! Thank you so very much to everyone who has made this fest such an amazing success! We were incredibly impressed with the overwhelming enthusiasm you all have for our favorite Next Gen characters. Everyone who submitted stories and art, and those who read, reviewed and recced: You guys are amazing!! It's been really great seeing everybody's fantastic creations, and we hope you all enjoyed the fest as much as we did! Without further ado, here's a list of all the amazing participants who worked so hard to create fabulous things for this year's fest!

ART

@miakagrewup drew AcciDental Magic [Rose, Hugo, & Grandparents | General] Hermione and Ron are called away for a case and left without their usual child-minder when Molly falls ill. Hermione’s parents step up to keep Hugo and Rose, in spite of Hermione’s warning that the two little ones have some big issues with accidental magic. The story is told comic book style, with illustrations and voice bubbles.

@eleonorapoe drew Woke up married! [James Sirius/Teddy | General] They get well and truly bladdered at Albus's stag do and wake up in bed together with matching wedding bands...

@mad1492 drew Sunday Practice [James Sirius/Teddy | General] Teddy thought that morning practice on Sunday was going to be something he would soon regret, but things may turn more interesting than expected.

@julcheninred drew Introduction [Albus, Severus, & Albus Severus | General] Albus Severus Potter gets to know the men he's named for by asking them about the experiences, memories, and motives that shaped their lives.

@garmrr drew Eyecandy [James Sirius/Teddy | General] After months of extensive Auror training, Teddy comes with the Potters to the beach. James. Cannot. Stop. Staring. At. Teddy. Shirtless.

FIC

@cassiaratheslytherpuff wrote We Keep Loving Anyway [Albus Severus/Scorpius | Explicit | 7.1k] After Albus finds out Scorpius is part vampire he can’t stop thinking about being bitten. He can’t stop thinking about Scorpius in general, but that’s been the case since he was fifteen. At least, when it comes to Scorpius he’s used to not getting what he wants. He’s happy with what he has, or at least, comfortable. That is until he accidentally asks for it, then it all starts to change.

@polly-darton wrote The perks of Veritaserum [James Sirius/Teddy | Explicit | 5.1k] James drank a long-lasting version of Veritaserum and is miserable and Teddy is having the time of his life. That is, until they’re both having the time of their lives.

@gracerene09 wrote Thunderstruck [Charlie/Teddy | Explicit | 2.6k] There’s not a lot for dragon tamers to do when stuck inside during a storm, but looking at this particular new recruit―well, Charlie can’t help but think of a few ways they could pass the time.

Quentin_threepwood wrote Hair Today, Hair Tomorrow [Albus Severus/Scorpius | Mature | 1.7k] Away on a book tour Albus Severus Malfoy grows a very creepy mustache, much to the horror of his still at home husband Scorpius Malfoy.

vitruvian8008 wrote Mission in Nairn [Draco/Lily Luna | Explicit | 7k] Lily Luna Potter is paired with Draco Malfoy for her first Auror Mission. On their last night, she decides to act on the lingering tension that had been building up between them.

@nerdherderette wrote No Other Alpha But You [Albus Severus/James Sirius | Explicit | 7.1k] Scorpius Malfoy has applied to be Albus' heat partner. There's no way James is letting that happen.

@aneiria-writes wrote The Scorpion King [Albus Severus/Scorpius | Explicit | 3.8k] Scorpius Malfoy, AKA the Scorpion King, has ruled Britain ever since his father turned his sights to conquering Europe. With his right-hand man and most trusted advisor, Albus Potter, Scorpius has a life of elegance and power. But he's had enough of the beautiful women that usually grace his bed. Scorpius has decided he wants something else in bed. Something more. Scorpius Malfoy wants Albus Potter.

@motherofmercury wrote Islands of the Upper Air [Lily Luna/Luna | General | 1.5k] Lily Luna has never liked her namesake, or her strange and sometimes absurd way of looking at the world. But a weekend full of ancient rituals and mountain forests is an eye opener, in more ways than one.

@shipperysails-bookofspells wrote Expecto Patronum!! [James Sirius/Teddy | Mature | 45.7k] James Potter had always known exactly what he wanted; to open a pub of his own, maybe travel the world, and live a simple life with the only man he’d ever loved. For years he waited, quietly determined to help Teddy see what could be between them. But just when everything he’d ever dreamed of was finally within his reach, it was ripped away in an instant. With Teddy missing, and presumed dead, James is left to pick up the pieces. John has no idea what he wants. He doesn’t even know who he is. But when he hears a strikingly familiar voice – on an otherwise ordinary day – he sets out to discover everything he can about the man that occupies his dreams. And Harry, well, Harry just wants to put his failures behind him. Until a series of unexpected events forces him to reexamine a case that he’d given up on solving. With the help of an unexpected ally, he just might find the answers he’s been looking for.

@lovealpenglow wrote lily's potter [Lily Luna/Lysander & Lily Luna/Draco | Mature | 8.3k] "But what if I keep it? What’s the contingency plan there?” She took a seat next to Lily. She spoke slowly, as if she was thinking about it for the first time, too. “Well, I mean, you keep your baby. You raise it. You love it. It goes on to do wonderful things because it’s a Potter.” Lily snorted. “It’s a Potter?” “Why not? I mean it’s just as much you as whoever is the father. Why shouldn’t it be a Potter first?”

@micheleblack wrote Snaked a Claim [Albus Severus/Scorpius | Teen | 1.6k] Everyone knew Albus was gay from age five when he would dramatically swoon every time Goncalo Flores the Quidditch player was mentioned. Twenty years later and Harry still tells the tale - much to Al’s embarrassment.

@ladderofyears wrote And I Fell Heavy (Into Your Arms) [James Sirius/Teddy | Explicit | 9.1k] When James Sirius Potter travels to America for three weeks, the turquoise-haired Healer Teddy Lupin misses his boyfriend very much indeed. Luckily, Teddy has (sexy) floo calls, charmed obsidian pendants and hastily made chastity promises to keep him busy. Based on the following prompt: Absence makes the heart grow fonder... Right? Smutty phone!sex? Longing letters? All up to you!

@veelawings wrote Dirty Duelling [Albus Severus/Draco | Explicit | 6.1k] Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want (Or — fucked up Dirty Dancing with wand fights)

@eleonorapoe wrote Albus’ Private Lesson of Sex Education [Albus Severus/James Sirius/Teddy | Explicit | 4.5k] Albus has some doubts about sex. Luckily he has an older brother, who can initiate him. How does this lesson go? James will be the teacher, Albus his good and obedient student and Teddy will be more than happy to serve them as a learning tool. In which a delicious Teddy sandwich is served.

@faeheyjesper wrote Four Reasons [James Sirius/Teddy | General | 8.1k] There were a couple of things James should've considered more seriously before coming back to work at Hogwarts as the new Flying Instructor. His dad being the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor there, for one. The fact that he hadn't really flown since a career-ending injury had put an abrupt end to his Quidditch fame two years ago, for another. His ridiculous, teenage crush on Teddy Lupin, his friend and Hogwarts' newest Charms professor, perhaps most of all.

@26timesbrighter wrote An Interlude [Lavender/Victoire | Explicit | 4.9k] Victoire is supposed to be chasing a serial killer, not shagging her uncle’s dead ex-girlfriend.

@drarryruinedme7 wrote Mint & Apples [Harry/Teddy | Explicit | 4.3k] Teddy Lupin's not-quite-wolf has chosen Harry Potter as his mate, that's all. He hasn't got a crush on his best friend's father, really. He also definitely isn't obsessed with Harry Potter's scent.

crazyparakiss wrote This is Love [Albus Severus/Scorpius | Explicit | 24.8k] Most of Albus’s bad life decisions can be summed up in a word: James. When he got a shitty tattoo in the Fifth Year—done by some bloke in a dirty flat—well, that was James’s idea. When he got picked up by Aurors for doing hallucinogens—James was the one who’d convinced him to do them at a party. That time they stole the flying motorbike Dad gave to Teddy—James was the one who insisted it was a rite of passage to drive it over London at dawn. Neither Dad nor Teddy was impressed with that explanation. Now, here Albus is living another bad choice that was born of James’s influence.

@gaeilgerua wrote The Balance Between Studying and Relaxing [Rose/Teddy | Explicit | 3.7k] Rose has been studying non-stop for her upcoming barrister exam. With Hermione attending Hugo’s Quidditch trials for moral support and Ron away on business, there’s only one person available to keep an eye on her. And Teddy is only too happy to take the role.

@r00wscribbles wrote The last ones to know [Albus Severus/Scorpius | General | 5.2k] Albus and Scorpius have a very close relationship. Everyone can see it. Perhaps they are the last ones to know jus how close they are.

@ohdrarry wrote You've Got A Second Chance (You Could Go Home) [James Sirius/Teddy | Teen | 16k] “What about James?” James, dear Merlin, not James, not again. His boy, his son, the brightest star in the constellation of Harry’s patchwork family, not him. “I think he’s relapsed.” – They tried this when James was nineteen and Teddy was twenty five. It crashed and burned. Teddy ran away to Finland and James... well Teddy's about to find out what happened to James, now that he's back two years later.

@maraudersaffair wrote Falling for You [James Sirius/Scorpius | General | 1.2k] Scorpius didn't care about Quidditch until he saw James Sirius on a broom.

@diligent-thunder wrote Heart-Shaped Ottoman [Draco/Teddy | Explicit | 6.3k] Draco has had interns before, but none so bothersome as Teddy Lupin.

@whenshereads wrote Living With Our Eyes Half Open [James Sirius & Scorpius | Teen | 5.5k] James didn’t mean to get his brother-in-law kidnapped alongside him that morning, but that is definitely what happened.

@shiftylinguini and @gracerene09 wrote Faim [Albus Severus/Scorpius | Explicit | 9.6k] "So, this is the city of love!" Scorpius declared, adjusting the straps on his backpack. Albus wrinkled his nose. "City of pigeons, more like," he corrected, stepping around another fat, grey bird Or: Scorbus go to France.

@articcat621 wrote Unexpected [Lily Luna/Pansy | Explicit | 1.2k] Draco and Harry's engagement party brings about an unexpected, but not unwelcome, event.

@fidgetyweirdo wrote Remember to Forget [Albus Severus/James Sirius | Mature| 17.5k] The moment they kissed, James and Albus knew that they'd never be able to live without this -- too in love to walk away. Years later, and well into adulthood, the possible repercussions of their relationship feel very real and very scary. Without the strength to break it off, they're left with a single solution: a company that specializes in erasing and altering memories. Now the only thing left to do, is to say goodbye.

#scorbus #jeddy #jalbus #pottercest #jorpius #scames #dralbus #HP Next Generation #hp next gen #harry potter next gen #hpnextgenfest #hp femslash #hp cross gen #masterlist #reveals #2020 fest #mod post

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drabbles-of-writing · 4 years

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"Can you miss someone you never actually knew?" - Amphibia. I feel like this line would hit hard with some of the Owl House characters in the Four Years AU. You said Gus and Viney only have their dads right? I want to say their moms either died during childbirth or got terminally ill when Gus and Viney were really little.

How dare you bring up that quote again and make me cry. I still haven’t emotionally gotten over Amphibia I can’t believe you’ve done this. Ight let’s bring some pain into this HERE WE GO

Viney’s mom left when she was still a toddler due to their financial situations, leaving just Viney and her dad to fend for themselves. Neither of them know where she is or what happened to her but they could care less.

Viney was told about her mother and what she did since she was young, it was never a secret. At first, she didn’t bat an eye at it. It was just “oh, my mom decided she wanted to leave. okay.” but as she got a little bit older and had a firmer grasp on the situation, it started to hurt. She knew she didn’t need or want a woman like that in her life, but she was always hearing how family is supposed to stick together through it all, blood is thicker than water. She tries to reason that another mouth to feed would’ve been difficult in their situation, but another part says maybe they could get enough money to stop barely scraping by, and she decided that was just too hard for her. Jerbo and Barcus had mothers, and she quite liked them. They were nice and she never doubted they loved their sons. Once again, she tries to reassure herself that she has her dad, and he loves her. She doesn’t need the love of someone who wasn’t ready to love her.

She figures she doesn’t miss her mother, not really. She just misses what she could’ve had, what she should’ve had. She’s numbed herself to it, she believes. And then she meets Emira Blight. The girl who never had to worry about anything. Rich, popular, good grades, could get anyone or anything she wants, siblings to annoy, parents who love her...she had what Viney wanted, so she thought. Why out of everyone in Hexside Emira would want to talk to someone like Viney was beyond her. And yet, they still became close. The lowest street rat enjoyed the presence of a princess, even without the offer of what she could give her. Course, she’d never refuse any offerings, but she never asked, and Emira continued to give. Then came the shattering revelation of Emira’s situation.

Viney hearing about all that Emira’s mother had done, through her tears and sniffles as she was backed into a corner, scared to come loose but unable to stop it, was something that hit Viney like a freight train. That a mother with everything she could’ve wanted would make her own children petrified of her. She wondered, now, what would’ve happened if her mother had stayed. Would she have turned out like Emira? Living in a home that scared her half to death? She figured that if that was the case, she was glad her mother left. And, as she learned, family is never blood. Blood may be thicker than water, but blood is what spills when ‘family’ can’t get along.

Now onto Gus.

His mother died hours after he was born, weak and ill from exhaustion and a disease she’d contracted while on her travels where she’d use her illusions to create magnificent shows and displays, she almost famous for them. She had just come out of a show she needed to do for financial reasons, tiring her when she went into labor.

Gus was in his mothers arms for only an hour before she was gone like that, no sudden bang or cry for help. Gone like a passing breeze.

Gus’s family is nowhere near as poor as Viney’s, but it’s bound to be difficult as a single father trying to raise a kid. They’re barely middle-class, and get a lot of help from Willow’s family when they can afford it.

He was never kept in the dark about his mother, either. Granted, he only knew what he was told when he asked. Perry wouldn’t talk about his wife unless Gus asked him questions, in which case he would oblige. Gus had found old recordings of his mothers shows and was mesmerized. His mothers illusions looked so life-like that you couldn’t tell the difference. She made her illusions breathe and blink and feel so alive. Gus was about eight when he first saw them, and from then on he promised he’d make his mother proud and be just as good as she was.

And that’s how he climbed up his grades so fast. Gus was smart and determined, he easily climbed the ranks as the best illusionist in his classes. He obsessed over it so often that his dad would often find him passed out at his desk or send him to bed at one in the morning. Perry loved that his son wanted to be just like the mother he never knew, he really did, but he was worried for him. So he introduced his son to journalism, which led to Gus finding out about clubs asking questions and making assumptions about humans. His father used to like writing all he knew about humans, and was a bit of a journalist on them himself when he was younger. This also interested Gus, and he finally started to balance out his obsessions.

Gus, while a show-off for sure, began to wonder if maybe showbusiness isn’t what he really wanted. But he always assured himself that, psh, of course it was. His mother would’ve wanted him to follow in her footsteps, and who was he to disappoint her? She was gone, but Gus was always one to believe in a legacy.

Course, his interest kept shifting to journalism. He loved knowing about his mother, but through it all he had neglected the one parent he had left. And he did a bit of an ‘experiment’ himself. He set aside his craze with his mother for a week and instead focus on what his dad did, asking him questions and telling all he knew. He found that he enjoyed it a lot more than he thought. But to him, that felt like a betrayal. His mother died bringing him into this world, wasn’t it his responsibility to make sure she didn’t die in vain?

Perry is not a stupid man, he can tell when his son is struggling with something. So at the end of that week, he took Gus aside and started asking him a few casual questions. Gus’s mother came up quickly, and it all unraveled from there. Perry was quick to hold his son and tell him, with absolute certainty, that she would’ve been proud of Gus no matter what he did. That she’d be happy for him to have followed in whatever path he wanted. She never wanted an apprentice for her show, she wanted a son she would love and be proud of, and if she were still here, she’d feel just that.

Gus thought it was funny, how he could idolize and admire someone he never had or ever would meet. To the point where he was scared to grow up to be anything different than she was. His father was a reporter, and he told the truths as he saw them. So who was Gus to say he was wrong?

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jadelotusflower · 3 years

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Robin Hood Rewatch: 2x08 Get Carter!

This is actually one of my favourite episodes of the season, partly because I really enjoy relationship angst, but mostly because we get multiple characters dealing with their trauma/grief. If we can't get these guys and gals into therapy, at least we get to see them talk (and hug) it out.

Also the best episode title they're had for a while - I have no doubt one of the writers is a fan, and Carter is so named only because they wanted to make this reference. The assassin seeking revenge for a dead brother is wholesale lifted from the plot of the film, and Joseph Kennedy almost has a passing resemblance to Michael Caine's look in that role.

"Get Carter - before Carter gets you!"

Carter is one of the only guest stars they actually will bring back later, and for good reason.

"Why don't you ever kiss my ring?" Vaisey, always making things creepy.

Marian is simmering with unrestrained anger, eager to get into the fight, while Robin is the one advocating for the watch and see approach, and it’s quite the role reversal.

The gang's reaction to her charging off is quite funny though, she knocks John over completely and Djaq throws her hands in the air.

Robin’s now getting a taste of what the rest of the gang have to put up with dealing with his recklessness.

Tying Marian up in the middle of a melee, however, is disgusting behaviour - while Marian was hot-headed throwing herself into the fight (nothing Robin hasn't done before himself), he knows that she can hold her own with a sword and doesn't need protecting. Tying her hands is the absolute worst thing he could have done, because how is she meant to defend herself? I can somewhat understand where Robin is coming from in this episode (even if he goes about it badly), but this is unjustifiable.

Clearly she gave that guard she clanked on the head amnesia, because he never reports back that Marian was fighting with the gang.

“I owe you my life”/“I won’t take it just yet.” Nice.

Scimitar is still missing in action.

Robin doesn’t want Marian to be seen in case she needs to return to the castle, when he’s spent the whole season urging for her to join the gang. I think he realises he made a mistake asking her to flee last episode without giving her time to deal with her grief, and wants to leave her options open. But telling her that she’s not ready to make the decision (about whatever she wants to go back), however correct, is patronising.

There's a fundamental conflict that Marian wants to be treated like a member of the gang, but doesn't want to cede to Robin's authority like the rest of the gang - in turn Robin expects her to follow his orders like the others, but isn't treating her like he would the others either - he would never tie them up to keep them out of a fight, and Marian has every right to pissed at him about it.

Djaq and Much having a little tête-à-tête about Carter - I just really enjoy that they’re often paired together in these gang scenes, they balance/play off each other so well. Just this pure platonic frazzled vs calm vibe.

Much just has this really great memory for faces - he was able to recognise fake Richard last season just from his profile despite wearing a helmet, and now he knows he remembers Carter's face from somewhere (or as it will turn out, Carter's brother).

Much really just does not let up, and I love that about him. "You'll be disappointed though, with uh, today's wound. I mean if you're planning to go back to the Holy Land and, uh, kill him." That not so subtle probing for information and Sam Troughton's delivery is always perfect.

"Wasn't me, was it?" Oh Much, so close.

“The crusty one” - lol

It's not explicit, but implied that Vaisey and Guy believe Edward was the one passing information to Robin, and Marian is cleared of any suspicion (paving the way for her return). Guess Guy never showed the Sheriff that hair dagger after all.

Vaisey is actually giving Guy some really good advice here, albeit laced with his usual cruelty and getting all up in Guy's personal space.

"Grow up Gisborne" - now I don't think it's deliberate on Vaisey's part to invoke a Marian parlance, seeing as she really only says this to Robin (and once to Much), but it's a nice little callback, however unintentional.

Marian asks for an apology (and deserves one), but Robin doubles down and doesn't come out of this exchange well.

Because his delivery is terrible, but he's otherwise quite correct - as skilled as Marian is, she’s used to relying on (and having to worry about) only herself and not work in a team, and look to a single point of command. But both of them have their backs up - they're two strong personalities and neither is going to give ground, reverting to the ideological clashes of season 1, except now in much closer quarters.

Robin's also not used to being challenged in this particular way, and in his frustration is reacting like a captain disciplining a soldier, not a lover helping their partner through their grief. I do wonder if the conversation would have gone differently if they'd been alone.

lol at the gang awkwardly standing around listening to Robin and Marian fight. Djaq trying to busy herself with her mortar and pestle as Robin and Marian argue around her.

A really great scene between Marian and John aka the camp dad. Marian really just needs someone to listen to her and appreciate what she's going through - Robin is too fixated on the dangerous way she's channeling her grief and not even trying to address the root cause. He trying to tell her what to do, not listen to what she actually needs.

On the other hand it's probably better coming from John, a neutral party without the emotional baggage she has with Robin.

Because Robin and Marian are really being driven by completely different motives - Marian by grief and therefore loss, and Robin by trauma and therefore fear. In her sorrow, Marian has lost all her fear of being discovered, in fact she wants to make it know she's with the gang, to finally be free to say which side she's on and fight openly, to make her father's death worthwhile, and can't understand why Robin is trying to stifle that.

"I thought you used to have your own men Little John?" So someone remembers Forrest and Hanton!

After Carter takes down the gang one by one, Robin takes down Carter in three seconds (including catching the long dagger Carter throws at him, and flinging it back) and it's lights out. Can you believe it's the first concussion of the season? (Notwithstanding the multiple head injuries Allan sustained last episode).

While Marian has been known to be punch-happy, the "he'll tell us more if he knows we're willing to hurt him" is just so (intentionally) out of character - it is however somewhat reminiscent of Robin in 1x08, wanting to get his punch and torture on with Guy. However rather than understanding where Marian is coming from, he pushes her away with the "go and cook something" jibe. This almost feels like he was going for familiar banter and miscued, but is also an asshole thing to say. When their positions were reversed in 1x08 Marian at least tried to reason with him - Robin is seems to be ill-equipped to do the same.

Allan just having a little snooze against the castle wall. He really seems defeated and depressed after last episode.

Marian's corset has a pouch to hold a dagger - or at least I hope there is because otherwise it's ouch time.

Leaving Marian at the camp is again a mistake on Robin's part - it excludes and isolates her from the gang, rather than trying to involve her so she can bond with them, engaging in their outreach to the peasants - who she helped as the Nightwatchman, but never really had the opportunity to come to know. It would remind her that they are not just fighting against the Sheriff but for the people, which in her frenzied grief she has perhaps lost sight of.

Instead, Robin's focus is on Carter, who he rather identifies with and so finds it easier to address his motives, and try and change them.

Carter is in many ways Robin’s dark mirror, what he could have become in the Holy Land if he chose a different path. It’s important that this happens right when Robin is backsliding - he’s trying to save his own soul as much as Carter’s.

Okay, let's talk about Marian’s forest gear - fashioned from the outfit she wore when she fled the castle the previous episode - but dear me it's awful. The grey culottes, rather than becoming trousers have now been turned into that corset, and her vest/skirt overlay have now become those trousers. Just baffling.

“I’m good with nuns” followed by Allan straight up knocking the Mother Superior over and stealing her ring is iconic.

Much gives Robin a sword to use going after Carter - still no scimitar.

I really love the confrontation/fight scene between Robin and Carter - it's very well choreographed and written, but we also see the best of Robin's character (after seeing some of the worst earlier).

Carter's brother is called Thomas - Allan's brother was called Tom. Lots of dead brothers in this show (including Djaq's).

The story of Carter's brother Thomas dying because he "stopped listening" and led a raid against orders is a little on the nose, but gives context to Robin’s fear for Marian’s safety in part triggered by his war trauma - someone charging in against orders and then dying in his arms.

But it shows Robin as a man who, even when Thomas' recklessness had cost not only his own life but others of Robin's men, was still moved to instruct the stretcher-bearers to make Thomas the hero, and himself the negligent captain, in order to comfort his family.

The fight is fairly even, and although Robin gets the upper hand in the end, it's only partly his skill - rather his true strength is in reaching the man inside the assassin, and then surrender and allow Carter to take his revenge if that's what he wants, and despite his fear, trust that there is good still in him, and that he can leave behind the life as a killer as Robin has done (tried to do).

This scene is the core of why I really love Robin as a character. He's riddled with PTSD and a reckless bravado, he's at time emotionally stunted with those he loves, makes terrible mistakes and often says the wrong thing, but he also has this great heart and compassion that allows him to reach people, to understand and help them, even at the risk of his own life. He's trying.

"He was a hero - just not on that day" is quite a poignant line.

Much and Djaq together again, just saying.

Robin finally finds out that Roger of Stoke was intercepted. I had assumed he'd figured that out once he knew Allan was a traitor but okay.

Poor Much crying out for Robin's attention - he's got his own trauma from the war and wants to talk about it, to commiserate with Robin about what they went though, but Robin can only cope by not talking about it, not even thinking about it.

Much makes a good point that Robin should have listened to him about recognising Carter, but it comes across as jealously over Marian and Robin misses just how deeply Much carries his hurt.

One of Robin's biggest flaws is that he's overwhelming in his affection, compassion, and understanding for strangers, but takes those he loves for granted - Carter's response to grief was the same as Marian's, but Robin listened to Carter, consoled and comforted him, while keeping Marian at arm's length. Perhaps because strangers don't ask for anything beyond that - it is the granting of kindness, but not the sharing of self. It's the latter Robin truly fears, but what Much and Marian deserve (although tbf Marian has problems with this as well).

“Either I’m part of your gang or I’m not” is a valid point, and Robin's still not happy even when she agrees to stay behind!

But she disobeys him, and saves his life. It's a rite of passage - almost all of the members of the gang have this.

Allan looking rather distressed as Guy is about the chop off Robin's head, and he makes a small movement just before the swing (as does Much).

Guy again pushing Marian past the point of discomfort - she left, wrote him a letter asking him to leave her alone, straight up told him to his face to leave her alone, and still he persists.

Her kissing Guy (to distract him from seeing Much and Will) is really the only time she sends mixed signals, but Guy's whole energy seems to be just to wear her down until she agrees to be with him and it's gross. It is however kind of amusing that he tries to be authoritative and forbid her from leaving, and she immediately walks away.

Robin and Marian are back in playful banter mode, although I wish there had been a deeper discussion (and that Robin had apologised in return). It doesn't quite feel like the conflict between them has been resolved, it really is just a "truce".

But I do like that it's Marian who reaches out to Robin at the end of this episode, because up until this point it's Robin who has been (somewhat) the one making overtures - asking her to join the gang, telling her he needs her, telling her he loves her, while Marian's been more reserved. This feels like her acknowledging that sometimes she needs to take the first step.

This was a long one - but as a I said, I really love this episode!

#robin hood bbc #robin hood rewatch #rewatch #2x08 #get carter!#long post #lots of rambling here sorry

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tessiete · 4 years

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“Perhaps, I killed a Jedi and took it from him.” Clumsy fingers beneath sleek synth leather gloves close over the hilt, the silver of it glinting merrily in the grasp of a cold fist. “Impossible,” Lord Vader says. “I am growing tired of your games, boy. I shall only ask once more: who gave it to you?” “I cannot say,” he replies. “Cannot?” says Vader. “Or will not?” “I will not.” His voice is firm, and does not shake. He reaches again for that serenity: a flash of copper hair, [...] of blue eyes.

This is for the writer’s ask where you ask about 500 characters of one of my fics, and I do a deep dive analysis! <3 Thank you for indulging me.

Alright! Better late than never but I’ve been overthinking this because I DO SO LOVE process and meta! So let’s dive in. The commentary.

First of all, let me say that I am a huge proponent of Korkie Kenobi - and yeah, I’d love to see it canonised - but I think my relationship with this character is a bit more nuanced than people give me credit for.

I was all for arospec/acespec Obi-Wan. That’s the canon I loved. And I was very much not interested in Satine when she first appeared in TCW. But the thing was, once it happened, once they introduced a love interest who played a significant enough role in the story, I felt I could either ignore it...or roll with it. See what it changed. See what it created.

Obviously, the relationship - on a surface level (and tbh probably the only level which the writers considered) is meant to mirror Anakin and Padme. They are the road not taken. Where Anakin and Padme chose each other, Obi-Wan and Satine chose their duties.

This is a...I don’t like this take as an exclusive one, and here’s why: it implies that Padme was also selfish, and made the wrong choice. And yet everything in canon tells us the opposite. She continued working. She jeopardised her career and her reputation to fight against the rise of the Empire. She gave her life trying to prevent it. To put her as a direct mirror of Satine is messy, and to me, cannot justify the creation of Satine enough to convince me.

But I also don’t want to throw away such a huge chunk of TCW narrative. So the other option is to reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally lean in.

At which point, you have to examine not just the immediate symbolism of the relationship, but what each character individually brings. You have to give Satine her own agency. She has to become her own person. Suddenly, all the little bits of information that would normally be overlooked become important. We get so little of her, that everything becomes significant.

And Korkie - who hangs around for a couple episodes, but otherwise has no real importance, suddenly becomes significant.

And that, for me, is the crux of the issue. I hate, hate, hate wasted story elements, and if Korkie is so superfluous as to be negligible, then why did we waste not just money, and time, but story on him. And if he is unimportant, then his relationship to Satine is unimportant. And if that relationship is insignificant, then we lose something integral and revealing about Satine, and now suddenly there is less of her to relate to Obi-Wan, and so anything revealed about him becomes less important, too.

Maybe this feels like a stretch, and maybe it is, but to me, Korkie feels very much like Chekhov’s gun.

And it would drive me CRAZY if he were to go unexamined, and unused.

So this whole story was an examination of “What does Korkie tell us about Obi-Wan that we didn’t know before? And what can Korkie tell us about Vader?”

Because what is Vader if not Obi-Wan’s Fallen son?

This was essentially the thesis for this piece: despite the fact that Vader/Anakin had all of Obi-Wan’s attention, love, and time it is Korkie who truly embodies the legacy of his father.

And while I know that “found family” is a massively important part in the SW universe, I think there’s a larger discussion to be had about other aspects of family. The answer isn’t always that Blood is Bad, and that heritage is shameful or unimportant. Sometimes, where you came from does matter. Some people do find strength, and pride, and hope, and motivation, and support in their origins - even if it’s something they’re divorced from in a physical or temporal way.

For me, Korkie is an opportunity to examine a father/son relationship where neither of the two people have an attachment beyond blood, but -

There is still one of love.

But instead of Anakin’s selfish, possessive love for his family, both Obi-Wan and Korkie relate to each other, and treat each other with empathy, compassion, and respect. Their love is noble. Selfless. They put entire worlds before each other. And Korkie learned that from his dad.

A personal pet peeve is this constant depiction of kids whose parents are in high stakes jobs feeling neglected or abandoned. How many cop shows have bratty kids acting out because their dad is never home to share dinner? How many medical dramas show the children of doctors lashing out because mom spends more time at work than at ballet class?

It drives me crazy.

As the child of a medical worker with an on-call schedule, I can say that neither I, nor my siblings, nor any of the other children of my mum’s coworkers have EVER felt neglected. We have never felt unfairly or selfishly entitled to our parents’ time. Because we knew - because someone (another parent? A grandparent? A teacher?) explained to us, and taught us at a young age that what our parents were doing was important. We understood that there were life or death stakes, and that we were very loved, and very much the priority - just not every second. Because sometimes, a life was on the line.

And Obi-Wan Kenobi was fighting to save a galaxy.

I just cannot in any way believe that a child whose mother was a ruler of a planet plagued with civil unrest and a significant terrorist group, and whose father was a Jedi Master, and in charge of securing peace and freedom across the stars would ever be so selfish, and so uncompassionate as to begrudge the sacrifice of his parents.

Korkie Kenobi is an abject example of selfless love. The kind of love the Jedi aspire to. The kind of love that Anakin absolutely does not understand, and fails to embrace.

And it’s not because Qui-Gon died (Korkie never had that kind of paternal relationship), and it’s not because Shmi was killed (Korkie’s mother also dies tragically), but because of the maturity of the person, and the quality of Korkie’s character.

So to pit a Korkie just coming into his own as an adult, aware of his father, and recently bereaved of his mother against a Vader just coming into his own as a Sith…

That, to me, evoked very interesting narrative avenues to explore.

In this universe, Korkie and Obi-Wan have recently reconnected (Korkie having helped Boil retrieve Obi-Wan from an ill-advised trip to Mandalore where Obi-Wan learned that Anakin had become Vader for the first time), and they both know what they are to each other. Obi-Wan has begged for forgiveness, and given Korkie his lineage, and his legacy in the form of Qui-Gon’s lightsaber - something that Anakin never got. Vader wants it.

So let’s get into it:

“Perhaps, I killed a Jedi and took it from him.”

This first line - it’s like poetry, it rhymes.

Vader asks where Korkie got the blade, and Korkie replies...in Qui-Gon’s words. He doesn’t know this, of course. It’s just a coincidence. But the remains of Anakin hear it. Anakin recognises it, and it galls him that this boy - Obi-Wan’s replacement of him - seems to be able to claim the lineage he wishes he had. Korkie is stealing his family. And he doesn’t know them. He doesn’t deserve them. He’s not entitled to them the way Anakin is.

And this is also one of the first things Anakin ever heard a Jedi say. This was the beginning of Qui-Gon’s promise. This is a moment in which Anakin first thought he might find salvation. It was the start of his life, in some ways. This was pure, good, and trusting Anakin Skywalker.

It’s an absolute anathema to him, now. Now, when he’s lost everything. When he’s filled with doubt, and hate, and fear, and suffering. It makes him angry. Because he doesn’t want to see that he was Korkie. He doesn’t want to see that he had this chance, and blew it. And Korkie - who never had Qui-Gon, who never had Obi-Wan - can speak the words without even (in Anakin’s mind) earning them.

Also, and most obviously, Anakin killed the Jedi. And yet...he didn’t kill Obi-Wan. He did not kill that Jedi, and take this blade.

Korkie is alive. Obi-Wan is alive. Anakin resents it. Obi-Wan should not exist without him. Obi-Wan should have no legacy but Vader. Because Anakin doesn’t.

Clumsy fingers beneath sleek synth leather gloves close over the hilt, the silver of it glinting merrily in the grasp of a cold fist.

To me, it was important that we see the weakness of Vader. His hands are not his own. The flesh of Anakin Skywalker is gone, and beneath the serenity of the mask, and the shadow of black, he’s fumbling. Korkie’s wrong-footed him, and he feels young, and insufficient in the face of this boy. This is all about Anakin’s insecurity.

Korkie speaking words he shouldn’t know - speaking in the voice of a literal Jedi - so calm, and so collected (negotiating with the serenity of his father) scares Anakin. He’s hearing and seeing the ghosts of the people he betrayed.

And the blade itself is merry because it belongs in the hand of Korkie. It knows (and the narrative knows) that it won’t be long in Vader’s grasp. It transcends the dark. It glints, and is optimistic. It’s a symbol of faith. It’s delight in being claimed by Korkie is symbolic of Qui-Gon’s own approval of his legacy. Qui-Gon Jinn chooses Korkie Kenobi.

But the thing is, it’s not because he’s a Kenobi. It’s because he chooses to act, and speak like a Jedi. Anakin fears - and knows - he never received this blade because Qui-Gon Jinn would not approve of what he’s done. This is Qui-Gon’s repudiation of Anakin Skywalker. The blade is laughing at Anakin.

“Impossible,” Lord Vader says. “I am growing tired of your games, boy. I shall only ask once more: who gave it to you?”

And then Anakin answers the same way he did as a child. He is still a selfish, defiant, fearful child. He denies the possibility that Korkie could have killed a Jedi.

Now, of course, he knows that the Jedi are dead, he knows that Korkie is not a Jedi, and he’s also denying the possibility that Korkie could have done it.

And, more than that, he’s denying the very possibility that Korkie could speak - could somehow know - Qui-Gon’s words. There is no way that this boy should be speaking with that voice. It’s impossible.

It’s a three-fold denial.

As a more technical thing, Vader’s voice was really hard for me to do, because this Vader still had to be recognisable as Anakin. He’s only been Vader for about a year at this point, maybe a little longer, and he’s just been thrown back into his childhood by memory, so the voice had to hit this balance point between Anakin and Vader.

This is an Anakin who uses language to build himself up. He doesn’t quite buy his own authority - it is so easily undercut by an unarmed boy, here, after all - so he makes himself sound like the seat of power...Obi-Wan. He mimics the slightly elevated phrasing of his former master, and condescends, calling him “boy”. He speaks to Korkie in the voice of Korkie’s father. But it’s distorted, and clunky because it is not Anakin’s voice to claim. And he hasn’t had all the practice that the next 18 years will provide him with, yet.

So theoretically, if I did it right, the motivation - the drive of the sentence - is Anakin, but the pattern is an echo of Obi-Wan.

I also think this is probably the third time Vader’s asked Korkie (iirc), and that’s just a classic storytelling technique - things, especially questions, lessons, or events, happen three times.

Korkie replies differently every time.

“I cannot say,” he replies.

So, at first, Korkie answered a question with a question. He was brash, young, and openly defiant. He replied in the way that Anakin or Obi-Wan may have if they’d been captured. He asked who Vader was. He didn’t know him - he doesn’t know him.

Vader is his brother, and yet Vader - Anakin - has been erased. His own family doesn’t know him. Has no reason to. He isn’t a person anymore. He’s a monster with no face, no name, no history, and no future. He has no claim to his own past.

Then, when Vader asks again, Korkie asks why it matters.

It’s a slight change of tactic, but one that Korkie thinks might put him on a more even playing field. If he knows why it’s important, then maybe they can work out a deal. Maybe he can...negotiate. Again, Vader hears shades of Obi-Wan’s cunning in this kid’s voice.

It also forces Vader to confront the reason he wants this blade - but that reason is intimately connected to Anakin. So Korkie is humanising him. He’s offering Vader a piece of himself. But Vader won’t take it.

Then, after Korkie’s spoken like Qui-Gon, Vader asks again, and Korkie denies him utterly. He cannot say. It’s impossible. It’s something beyond his control.

“Cannot?” says Vader. “Or will not?”

“I will not.” His voice is firm, and does not shake.

Or is it? Because then, Korkie does what Vader does not. He takes responsibility for his choice. It’s not out of his hands. He’s choosing - deliberately, and decisively - to deny Vader. And he does not flinch. He does not hide. He looks into Vader’s face, knowing he might condemn himself to suffering, and death, and chooses that.

This is Korkie as a Jedi. He makes the same sacrifice the Jedi make - he looks into the Dark and chooses the Light.

And in this instance, he has replaced Anakin because he’s protecting Obi-Wan. Korkie is at Obi-Wan’s back. Korkie is making a choice to shield the person he loves - though he hardly knows him - because it is right. He loves freely, and selflessly. He loves Obi-Wan in a way that Anakin betrayed, but Korkie will not betray Obi-Wan here.

He reaches again for that serenity: a flash of copper hair, of soft robes, of blue eyes.

Korkie Kenobi is Force sensitive. Of course, he is. He is the culmination of a series of Light choices, and selfless sacrifice. He, at the end of the Clone Wars, comes out as the very thing they were fighting for. It’s not lost. Obi-Wan isn’t lost - he still shaped Korkie. He still saved something - something of the Force, something of the Light, and something of himself. He saved Satine. He saved the Jedi. He’s not fought and sacrificed in vain.

And so, though it is still rough, and untrained, though, like his relationship with his father, it’s still new, Korkie instinctively seeks to soothe himself, to find peace, so stay calm. In this moment where he is confronted with a Sith Lord, alone, and unarmed he chooses to reach for peace…

And his peace, his hope, is Obi-Wan Kenobi.

He reaches for his dad.

Just like Obi-Wan reaches out for Qui-Gon’s ghost. Just like Anakin reaches out for Obi-Wan (seriously can’t have one conversation without mentioning him). Just like Luke reaches out for Anakin.

Korkie seeks comfort in the Force through the person he most finds solace in. And it doesn’t matter that he and Obi-Wan are nearly strangers, because they choose not to be. And because Obi-Wan is the ideal that Korkie strives for.

Obi-Wan has taught him something about serenity, and bravery, and hope. So when Korkie thinks of calm, and thinks of making his father proud, he sees Obi-Wan. Just flashes in his memory.

And the colours of Obi-Wan are symbolic - the fire of his hair, the chaos of the galaxy and war, the colour of the sand on Tatooine, the heat of its suns, and the shared blood between them. The blue of his eyes like water in the desert, an oasis, a salvation, an open sea, the clear sky, something vast and all encompassing and cool. The soft robes are an embrace. Obi-Wan is a home in the Force.

(Ironically, this is also what Anakin as Vader thinks of, and is thinking of because he also knows Obi-Wan, and so the next beat of this scene shows Vader and Korkie accidentally sharing thoughts. An easy mistake, as they’re essentially running into each other at the same restaurant!)

ANYWAY -

A, um, brief analysis of this passage from Or Else I Shall Be Lost

I hope you enjoyed it!!! And thank you so much @tree-scapes for tagging me!!!!!

#korkie kenobi #meta #sw fic #obi-wan kenobi #korkie #darth vader #writers #gffa #anakin skywalker #qui-gon jinn

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elliepassmore · 4 years

Text

Elatsoe Review

5/5 stars Recommended for people who like: magic, urban fantasy, ghosts, #OwnVoices, regional gothic, mysteries, Indigenous legends I absolutely loved this book, from the casual magic to the stories of six-great-grandmother to the ghosts to the creepiness of Willowbee. I'm such a sucker for those Tumblr posts about regional American gothic, and so much of the little details of this book felt like those but woven into a complete world. I liked reading about the little alterations made to our world to make it the one in the book, as well as some of the ways magic might be dealt with considering the way we deal with non-magical things. I thought the worldbuilding was really good, obviously, and I thought things were introduced in a well-paced manner. The mix of exposition and reveals were also good, and Little Badger did a good job of making the exposition not actually feel like exposition. I especially liked the way Little Badger brought some new aspects to some of the lore in the book, like how vampires technically needing to be welcomed onto Indigenous land or fairies being interdimensional beings. I thought the discussion of how magic interacts with the world was interesting, and I liked the added 'realness' of having two characters discuss the carbon footprint of certain magic uses much like the way we'd debate plane vs. train carbon emissions. Since this is kind of worldbuilding, I'll mention here that I very much enjoyed the creepiness of Willowbee. It's mostly a normal town from the outside, except for the fact that the occupants will stare down strangers the entire time they're in town. And the fact that there's a mansion on the outskirts and there are several misaligned parts of the town's history. The deeper into Willowbee and its history the characters go, the creepier the town gets. It's a really good mix of creepy without being over the top, and honestly it might be more of a situation where you go 'well that's...weird and unsettling' more so than it can be considered creepy, but still. The stories of six-great-grandmother were also a really enjoyable piece of the book and I liked hearing about her adventures. She seems like a really cool person and just absolutely gives zero fucks what other people think of her (though at least most people she comes across in the stories seem to respect her). The stories were definitely a good way to do some worldbuilding as well as give life lessons to Ellie and allowed for those things to be included in a non-intrusive, natural feeling way. I think it would be cool at some point to see some more stories about six-great at some point, maybe in a smaller bind-up or ebook. As for the characters, Ellie is the 3rd person narrator for the entire book except for one chapter 3rd person narrated by Vivian, her mother. Ellie's goal is to figure out what happened to her cousin while also keeping her family safe and preventing it from happening to anyone else. This book is a nice change from most YA books with a similar theme in that Ellie's parents are present and supportive of her and help her along the way to reach her goals, never once doubting her word. Family is a really big part of things and you can tell how much it means to Ellie. She's devoted to her family members and the traditions and secrets of her family. She's a good detective, willing to do the dirty work, and is smart enough to realize that live streaming some of her adventures is a good way to avoid being disappeared. I enjoyed reading about her relationship with her dog, Kirby, as well, who has been a ghost for 5 years but is still a wonderful companion despite his incorporeality. Kirby serves as both a pet, a warning signal, and a good way to explain some of the ways of the world and about ghosts. All the ghosts were very cool and I liked learning about the family's history with them and some of the family secrets about ghosts. Ellie's grandmother seems like a serious badass for having a mammoth as her ghostly companion, and I think she would be another good one to have a book about. Below is also an interesting concept and I like Ellie's realization that it isn't necessarily one point in time, but it can be multiple stacked on top of one another, like all the oceans or deserts that were in one place across the billions of years that place has existed. Vivian also added some interesting complexity to the family's use of ghosts, since like all eldest girls in the family she has the ability but doesn't use it as much as her relatives seem to. In her narrative chapter we get hints as to why that is and a time when it was different, which I thought added some nice layers to her character and the story and use of ghosts as a whole. Jay, Ellie's best friend, also features prominently in the book as someone who helps with her investigation. He's a rather optimistic character and acts as a good support during the investigation, pulling out some pretty good resources as well. Jay himself is a fairy and aside from the obvious mentioning of it in the beginning of the novel, there are some more subtle bits dropped throughout the book that make it realistic, such as the pointed ears he hides under his hair or the part(s) where he uses a will-o-the-wisp as a flashlight. I thought his interactions with Al were amusing, considering he's fine with the other guy until it turns out how serious Al is about his sister, though I think he's more grumbly about it than genuinely upset. Despite being what Ellie calls a "Celtic-and-Nordic American," Jay respects Ellie's culture and traditions and is respectful when inquiring about things he doesn't know. I enjoyed the interactions between Ellie and Jay and it's obvious how close the two of them are. While the book ends with all the loose threads tied and I think it'll be a standalone, if Little Badger were ever to write about Ellie again I could see the two of them being partners-in-investigation in/after college. Something I did find off about their relationship, though, was the fact that they've supposedly been best friends since babyhood, yet don't know some pretty basic things about one another. In one scene, Ellie mentions that she didn't think he was actually related to Oberon and in another Jay is surprised to hear Ellie's full name is Elatsoe, both of which seem like things you would know about your best friend. I mean, the first name one is something you would probably know about your regular friends too, so it seemed kind of weird that he never would've heard her full name before. There are other times where it seems like they're more 'newly best friends' than 'lifelong best friends,' but overall I enjoyed their interactions and their friendship. Most of the characters in this book were awesome in different ways, though there's not enough room to go over them all. Ellie's parents were both supportive and trusting of her, though they did still worry and caution her like parents do. Pat, her dad, comes across as a warm person and I liked the little quirk of his that's revealed at the beginning re: gas and survival stories. He's a vet, so it only seems natural that he's married into a family where the women raise ghost animals. Vivian is a teacher and seems to be the more protective of the two, though she's not stifling about it. She's the parent who's mostly with Ellie during the book, since the dad has to work and is only really in the beginning, and we get to see a lot of how her and Ellie interact and the advice she gives El. Another family member is the cousin-in-law, Lenore. Poor Lenore has just lost her husband and has a still-young baby. I sympathize with that and with her sense of grief and pain. What I do not sympathize with is the way she handles some things. For one, she seems entirely too dismissive of the family's culture. In one part of the book Ellie is reminiscing on a time she visited with her cousin and that even then she knew there was tension between Trevor and Lenore re: cultural traditions. Well, in present-tense Lenore seems to almost completely ignore some pretty major parts of their culture, such as burying those who've passed with personal items and not using their name to refer to them for a certain period of time. Likewise, she knows the dangers of human ghosts, yet she still seems to want Trevor to come back as a ghost *SPOILER* and 1) even attempts to disturb his grave to get that to happen and 2) is said to seem very happy when news he did come back as a human ghost breaks *SPOILER END*. Al is, as mentioned, dating Jay's sister, Ronnie, and is a vampire/cursed man. The lore behind vampires was interesting, and I liked how Little Badger used a version of them that sees vampirism as an illness, since it adds a layer of complexity to the world and reveals some of how discrimination that is applied in situations in our world is applied in the world of Elatsoe. Al seems like a pretty laid back guy and he clearly cares about Ronnie and Jay. He's more than willing to help with the investigation, even when it gets him into some pretty serious trouble, and he takes most things that occur in the book with a pretty chill attitude. Ronnie, Jay's sister, appears toward the end of the book with some friends and is 100% willing to kick some ass in Willowbee. With only being in the book for a short time, she seems like a cool character and seems decently close to Ellie and her family as well. One thing I felt a little weird about was the one scene where she and Ellie are on the phone and Ronnie says "I get that you're asexual, so, like, it can be a friend or zucchini or..." (201), which felt a little along the lines of 'I don't care if someone's white, black, or purple.' I really enjoyed Elatsoe and thought the characters, worldbuilding, and plot were all excellent. I definitely recommend it for fantasy lovers, and I'll definitely be reading A Snake Falls to Earth when it comes out.

#book #books #book review #book recommendations #darcie little badger #elatsoe #indigenous voices #ownvoices #myth #legend #fantasy #urban fantasy #ya fantasy #ya book #asexual representation #ghosts #mystery

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barrybluejeansandbestjeanist · 4 years

Text

Notes on the Artemis Fowl movie by yours truly.

Bear in mind I wrote these while watching the movie. There’s a lot of them.

1. If you think the police and/or reporters would ever be anywhere near fowl manor you’re wrong.

2. Mulch isn’t bad so far but he’d never be caught by police.

3. Is our first introduction to Artemis him running? I think not thank you very much.

4. Plus it looks like he’s going to do some water sport. Also wrong.

5. Surfing!!??!!?

6. Artemis doesn’t have even close to the coordination to do that.

7. I don’t even think he knows how to swim.

8. He doesn’t love Ireland.

9. Of course he doesn’t love school! Have you seen his teachers’ remarks on him? They aren’t nice.

10. It was a boys-only school but that’s definitely one of the smaller offenses.

11. He did do the chess thing if I recall correctly.

12. Same for the opera house.

13. He didn’t clone a goat or name anything Bruce.

14. Unusual is an understatement.

15. Dr. Po?!

16. Fake chair! Yeah!

17. That exchange from the Arctic incident wasn’t a bad choice to include. Too early though I think. We’ll see how the rest of the movie goes.

18. He’s got blue eyes. At least there’s that.

19. He doesn’t have a biography!

20. His mom isn’t dead! Disney is just scared of showing mental illness.

21. If you think Angelina Fowl can’t control Artemis you’re wrong. She calls him Arty for god’s sake. He loves his mom.

22. Mysterious absences my ass. He’s the one that should be presumed dead.

23. “This is a sensitive area doctor” sure.

24. Fake chair ftw.

25. The burden of his father’s name?! He’s proud of that name.

26. This scene wasn’t so bad. We’ll see how the rest of the movie fairs.

27. Who does he think he is? He Artemis freaking Fowl!

28. Skateboarding! I’m about to have an aneurysm.

29. Also, why is he wearing jeans? Get this man a suit!

30. He did not like being at home with his dad. Not in the first book anyway. His parent being out of the way allowed him to do what he did.

31. His dad’s actor looks good for the part.

32. His father is a criminal. World-famous. He did not just deal with antiques and rarities.

33. His dad also didn’t care for fairytales.

34. Music’s nice I guess.

35. Why is arty wearing a hoodie?! He would never!

36. Artemis was not taught about fairies. He discovered them himself with basically no help.

37. So much physical contact between Artemis sr. and jr. No.

38. His dad did not believe in any such legends.

39. They shared only a passion for crime and that didn’t even last.

40. He wasn’t determined about any such thing. See point 36.

41. He wasn’t preparing Artemis for anything like that.

42. Fairy stones? What are those?

43. There was no peace made between humans and fairies.

44. Tuatha De Danaan? What is that?

45. Artemis would want to get to the point I guess.

46. His work was not coming to an end. What is going on? Can we meet Holly soon?

47. I’m ten minutes in and suffering.

48. Artemis wasn’t really one to smile unless things were going his way.

49. You are a child! You are still a kid! You’re like a literal baby still!

50. The whole point of him being 12 in the books was that he could still believe in magic as well as science. Wtf is going on?

51. I do know the Hill of Tara.

52. I take issue with “all I really want is to believe in you” but I don’t have time to get into it here.

53. He’s still wearing a hoodie. >:(

54. Hugging his dad. No.

55. I will accept the helicopter on the front lawn if only because it seems one thing that could’ve happened in the books.

56. Where are the Butlers? Why are neither of the fowls being guarded? I need more Juliet and Butler in this movie NOW.

57. And Holly.

58. Pretty sure they don’t have a lighthouse. Also, pretty sure fowl manor wasn’t next to the ocean.

59. Might’ve been near a Forrest. I don’t quite remember.

60. Legos?! LEGOS?!??!!

61. Also, star wars? I don’t think Artemis has ever seen a sci-fi movie. He’s too busy making them a reality.

62. Artemis would also not sleep with a book.

63. Why did Butler’s name in the subtitles appear as Domovoi? You know there’s a whole thing about his name and why Arty doesn’t know it right?

64. So his dad disappeared. Not bad. A little late but okay.

65. Everyone has already aired their grievances about Butlers actor so I shall refrain from doing so as well. I’ll just say one word and leave it at that. Eurasian.

66. Also, fowl manor doesn’t look bad. I can accept this house.

67. No no no. No one should be calling him Domovoi. Only Butler.

68. Also, that isn’t the training he had.

69. He is the butler though? I mean. Only sort of but like. ???

70. No. You could not call him Dom or Domovoi.

71. Very large man in a suit is slightly acceptable.

72. He could totally snap you in half but not without good reason. Come on, guys. He’s a nice guy. Scary, but nice.

73. Like, the dude cooks and gardens and whatnot. How is that not nice?

74. Also, I’m still hung up on the goat thing. Like I don’t deny that he could clone a goat but why on earth would he name it Bruce. Is it a Batman reference or something? I don’t understand this movie.

75. World wide manhunt? Pardon my doubt.

76. Superyacht? Owl star?

77. I get it. It’s a stupid pun.

78. I guess the South China Sea is close enough to Russia.

79. Again. Not an antiquities dealer.

80. Robberies? He ran a criminal empire!

81. Not sure how one would go about stealing the Rosetta Stone or why but sure.

82. I’ve never even heard of Boru’s Harp.

83. Nor the book of kells.

84. Why are you calling Butler Dom???

85. Yes! He is a criminal mastermind! Thank you for slightly acknowledging that!

86. Also, Artemis is not that rash.

87. He’s your dad and a criminal.

88. Why must Disney do this to my boy? He was an incredible character, smart, cunning, and a criminal and now he’s just a sort of smart kid. Lame.

89. I swear if this “raspy voice” is opal I will be so disappointed.

90. What is this? Artemis is supposed to be kidnapping fairies, not the other way around!

91. What is this Aculos and why should I care about it?

92. Also, why isn’t it Christmas? You could at least set it in winter. For crying out loud.

93. That isn’t word for word Artemis. I know you can remember it exactly.

94. I’m starting to think Orion is better than this fool.

95. Why is he wearing a hoodie?!??!???!

96. Just going to have a secret basement full of whatever secret stuff shoved in there because of course.

97. Also. As if butler would know about any of this.

98. Bunch of bottles of water. Okay.

99. ‘Cause Artemis Sr. totally knew about the fairies.

100. This is a stupid basement.

101. I’m so done with this.

102. Ah yes! An important journal! Predictable.

103. Stupid poem. Stupid way of finding the journal.

104. That was opal I see. I’m dying.

105. Beechwood. Isn’t that guy related to Holly or something? Also, not from the books.

106. Yes, Arty fairies exist. Surprising no one.

107. I like how they made the city look I suppose. And they kept the name the same. Of course, it must be noted that not all fairies live in haven. There are other cities.

108. Why is holly a baby? She shouldn’t look like a child. Also, tons of people have already spoken on holly’s appearance as well so I won’t say anymore.

109. Koboi mentioned. It was totally opal.

110. The fairies don’t look bad either. Though I don’t know if the little things are supposed to be goblins or what?

111. I guess not. These goblins also seem way too smart.

112. “You and I would make a great team” foreshadowing.

113. I do think mulch being taller is kinda funny.

114. Briar Cudgeon looks about how I expected. Do you think he’ll get his face melted?

115. Opal and Cudgeon working together. Unsurprising if a bit early.

116. You spy or you die. The CIA’s motto.

117. L.E.P. Recon. Nice.

118. I’m also not going to address the changing of roots gender and the fact that Holly is supposed to be the first female officer because again, many people have spoken at length about that. Still upset though.

119. Kelp and Verbil are around I see.

120. What is the Aculos? Like I get that it’s a weapon by why should I care?

121. Also, I think Root should be smoking.

122. Holly’s father? Why should he matter or even be a part of this?

123. They kept Holly 84. Good.

124. Reinforcements? Juliet?!!!!

125. She’s 12? She’s supposed to be sixteen! No!

126. Niece!!!! She’s supposed to be his sister.

127. Also, screw Disney for changing the fairy alphabet so we can’t read it.

128. Artemis should be able to decode it though. He’s not much of a genius, is he?

129. Foals needs a tinfoil hat and should look way way nerdier.

130. Troll! Time! Yeah!

131. Yeah! Lava chutes!

132. Foaly’s CGI is a little wonky but whatever.

133. So that’s why Holly’s father is important. Stupid.

134. The executors. You mean the council.

135. Don’t just fly over the surface unshielded, you dolt!

136. Butler your camouflage sucks ass.

137. Butler wouldn’t complain.

138. Butler’s eyes are freaking me out. No one’s eyes look like that.

139. The LEP helmets are stupid looking.

140. That isn’t what a troll looks like. Stop it, Disney.

141. Time Stop. Not a time freeze.

142. The magic looks cool.

143. That’s not how a time stop works. But at least it looks cool.

144. I suppose I can accept that’s how they do mind wipes.

145. “This is a strange wedding” is the best joke so far.

146. Why are none of the fairies shielded?

147. Holly has such boring motivation.

148. You shouldn’t just read your dad’s journal Arty. It’s rude.

149. I’m so over arty’s dad already knowing about the fairies as well as this beechwood fellow.

150. Why does this Aculos exist? If it’s so dangerous, why not get rid of it?

151. Opal Koboi. Finally.

152. Like Arty would ever dress like that. He’d still be wearing a suit and be spotless.

153. “They’re real.” No kidding!

154. Fox!

155. I’m surprised they included trying and succeeding to shoot holly.

156. Kinda wish they’d kept the bury an acorn to get magic thing but small fish and all.

157. Now it’s starting to remind me of the real Artemis Fowl story.

158. Cudgeon is slimy and annoying and I’m here for it.

159. That’s a shitty looking cage.

160. “Not happy” I wonder why?

161. Reflective glasses! Yes! Give me the fowl crew in cringey reflective sunglasses.

162. The Mesmer is done nicely. Love Juliet’s glasses.

163. A flannel and reflective sunglasses. That classic Artemis fowl look.

164. So he did decode their language.

165. The acting isn’t terrible.

166. Most humans are afraid of gluten how do you think they’d handle goblins is a good line.

167. Again. Not how time stops work but okay.

168. So let me get this right. Instead of the fairy bible which Artemis poisoned a fairy to get they just replaced it with his dad‘s journal. great.

169. Don’t give Artemis a weapon! He’s gonna cut his own arm off!

170. The time freeze does look cool though.

171. I can appreciate them gathering on the beach. That’s kinda cool.

172. Finally a suit! Get this kid properly clothed!

173. Though that tie is a little sus. Why’s it so skinny?

174. That fight scene wasn’t too bad. Again Arty is definitely not supposed to be good at anything physical but it’s whatever.

175. Flair for the dramatic? This is hardly as dramatic as the book.

176. I hate opal’s voice.

177. Waged war on your people? That was 10,000 years ago!

178. Opal’s motives are also super boring.

179. I’m sad we don’t get to see arty practicing his evil smile in the mirror.

180. In one of those pots. From under the rainbow. Fun.

181. Glad they kept the whole while I’m alive stipulation.

182. Glad to see the goblins still have fire powers.

183. These goblins really shouldn’t be so smart.

184. I hope we get to see mulch unhinge his jaw soon.

185. I do like mulch.

186. This heart to heart is stupid. Artemis wouldn’t trust holly just like that me thinks.

187. I like that mulch is up on all the human pop culture. I do wish he’d make a Gordon Ramsey reference though since he likes him.

188. Mulch not wanting to be tall is excellent character motivation though.

189. Now this is the heart to heart I needed.

190. Is he gonna unhinge his jaw?! I’ve been waiting for this the whole time!

191. Yeah!!!!!!

192. Eat that dirt!

193. Mulch!

194. “What would your parents be?”

195. A really really big dwarf.

196. Sick safe. Nothing mulch can’t handle.

197. That definitely isn’t what I expected from mulch’s hair but that’s okay.

198. Yeah! Holly punched Artemis! Now there just needs to be a lollipop remark.

199. Is that the Aculos? It looks stupid.

200. Also, I do appreciate the inclusion of the iris cam.

201. Opal, you’re so boring.

202. Cudgeon is taking over. Kinda wish it was of his own will because that’s more interesting but whatever.

203. Troll time part two. I doubt butler is going to almost die fighting it. Maybe he’ll wear a suit of armor though. That’d be cool.

204. How is it we’re an hour in and only just now get a d’arvit? Surely many other scenes warranted that.

205. I do like that mulch pickpocketed butler.

206. Don’t just stand in front of the door when A Troll is about to be sent in!

207. The wings do look really cool though.

208. Also, Juliet really shouldn’t be trying to fight a troll.

209. I mean. None of them should but you know.

210. Mulch eating the Aculos is very in character. I’m glad Artemis’s bedroom is being destroyed. It was terrible.

211. While I don’t care for the way the troll looks (Far too human, not enough claws and venom) the amount of destruction it’s causing is appropriate I feel.

212. I guess that’s how the fight can go.

213. Also, Juliet is so smart and strong yet she can’t pull herself over a ledge? Pathetic.

214. Don’t move butler to a completely different room! He’s got a back injury! You probably just made it worse!

215. Butler isn’t going to die. This is stupid.

216. Trouble doing the lords work.

217. I told you butler would be fine.

218. One of the times Butler would nearly die. If we’re following the books then more should follow.

219. Also what is this room they’re in?

220. Butler would not be ashamed to cry.

221. I’m living for everyone’s reactions to where mulch stored the Aculos.

222. I like the way it looks when they get grabbed by the time stop.

223. She’s gonna save Artemis. Obviously.

224. I like the way it looked when the time stop broke.

225. “Breaking every rule in the book” we haven’t even seen your book! Just his dad’s stupid journal.

226. He and holly should not be friends yet. He kidnapped her!

227. Ooh, forever friends how sweet! Get fucked. Both of you.

228. Now are we in Russia?

229. Opal annoys me so much.

230. So are you trying to tell me that this Aculos is the movie’s version of the book? Holly’s saying that poem.

231. This isn’t how magic is supposed to work.

232. >:(

233. I will admit it looked cool. Begrudgingly.

234. Your dad isn’t dead.

235. He’s in the secret basement that still exists for some reason.

236. Also, I didn’t note this before, but I doubt Arty ever called his dad, dad.

237. Opal is thwarted.

238. Why she so ugly looking? Pretty sure she was supposed to be pretty.

239. This is so stupid.

240. Opals accomplices, you mean those two dunderheads she had helping her?

241. How are there still fifteen minutes of this torture left?!

242. Again. Butler would not be ashamed to cry.

243. Just wait until Artemis gets magic of his own.

244. I’m so tired. It’s 12:14 at night and I just want this torture to end. Please god just let the credits roll already!

245. And now they’re famous. Whoop de do. Just tell us how mulch gets captured and escapes and end the movie. That’s all I ask.

246. You know he hasn’t been referred to as Artemis Fowl the Second throughout this whole disaster. What a slight to him.

247. Ray bans.

248. Oh yeah. Brag to opal. Great idea.

249. Criminal mastermind. Juvenile Genius. Same difference.

250. Why is his tie so skinny?

251. Is he gonna fly the helicopter?! Finally something in character!

252. Now just let mulch escape and finish this godforsaken nightmare!

253. Fowls? Protecting us? Pardon me while I laugh.

254. They do the unhinging of mulch’s jaw nicely.

255. And now they mission impossible him out of there. Perfect.

256. I’m dying. Let it be over. Please.

257. No more!

258. Fly off into the sunset. Of course.

259. Thank god! Credits! I’m free!

260. And another thing! They didn’t have the follow-up scene with Dr. Po! That would’ve been a way better ending! And you can’t just have one scene without the other!

#artemis fowl #artemis fowl movie #artemis fowl the second #artemis fowl the movie #hate

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skimmilk11 · 4 years

Note

:0 angsty back story for kaiji,, could we see?

oof so

manga spoilers I guess??

I was thinking about how Kajii could have ever gotten into a situation where he was exposed to a bomb as a civilian, much less a lemon-shaped one? Yes, it’s possible that he was exposed to one after he became a member of the Port Mafia, but it would be strange for the Port Mafia to take in someone who, as far as they know, doesn’t have an ability, especially with Kajii’s, uh, eccentricities. The Port Mafia, as Mori has stressed multiple times, is, first and foremost a gifted organization. Almost every position of power in the mafia is occupied by ability users, save Gin and Tachihara(;)), who more than make up for it with great skill at their weapons. The only non-ability users are the grunts, and I doubt Kajii could ever be a good and obedient henchman.

Kajii, while talking to Yosano, describes death as something to admire and study, as the apex of science. We see two other characters in Bungou Stray Dogs who are obsessed with death- Dazai, whose mental health is the ditch and witnessed the death of one of the only few people he cared out, and Fyodor, whose ability revolves around death and probably affected his life greatly. But why is Kajii, who could probably lived the rest of his life as a normal civilian, obsessed with death? Besides, he’s an physicist- not even a doctor like Mori, and you don’t see Mori ranting about death. Idk, but to me, Kajii wanting to dissect what he sees as the ‘apex of science’ almost seems like a coping mechanism. This led me to believe that, as a child, he experienced death firsthand in traumatic incident in which he discovered his ability, before he joined the Port Mafia, which also hurt his mental health. Kajii’s ability really has astounding potential for survivor’s guilt. In his talk with Yosano, he also questions why death is, ultimately, completely unavoidable, asking why everyone has to eventually die- very sus. Why is lemon boy, who is, on all counts, presented as a simple-minded unhinged manchild, so fixated on the irreversibility of death?

Also, why is Kajii so loud, playful, immature, and theatrical? It’s not something you’d expect from a mafia member almost thirty years old. Something- some trauma, coping mechanism, etc may have hurt his mature. Or, I mean, it could just be that he’s really self-confident like Ranpo.

Okay, so the actual headcanons! Misfortune seems to dog all ability users, so Kajii is no exception. (; (Do we know a single parent of an ability user who’s still alive?)

Kajii was raised by a single father, who worked at a factory! They had a close relationship, and his father inculcated his love of science, who, in turn, loves science because of his mother, who was a science teacher. She died when Kajii was two when a bus blew up. Kajii’s grandfather, on the other hand, was a baker, who specialized in lemon tart! They do a lot of science experiments together! His grandpa’s friend is also a scientist, and shows him around the college lab where he studies. Kajii’s grandfather died of leukemia when Kajii was six, but taught him how to make a semi-decent lemon tart before. His grandfather’s friend drifts away.

So, all Kajii had now was his father. At age nine, in a Leo Valdez-esque tragedy, he was helping out his father finish things up in the factory. He was in the office, his dad in another room for one last check when a machine blows up due to a mechanical failure.

Kajii is far enough to survive, but his dad dies. Injured, he runs away, and when he finds out the police are looking for him, he immediately thinks they think he was the one who set off the explosion and is scared farther into hiding.

Instead of joining a gang of some sort, he ends up sort of stealing food(mostly lemons) from an old physics professor, and keeping off boredom by reading his books. He notices and invites him in. Kajii refuses and runs away, afraid that it’s a trap.

Then, what do you know?? He finds a lab belonging to the Port Mafia, and in all his love for science, breaks in and snoops. Kajii is caught, and, like Tachihara, is forced to join the Port Mafia. But he’s not too mad. He has a home, and some friends. Life is good.

But the Port Mafia is, obviously, not a good environment for a preteen to grow up in. He’s forced to kill people. It disturbs him, and he disassociates, making the deaths as flamboyant as possible. He chafes against authority and severely reprimanded for his carefree ways, but it’s still not too bad. He’s sometimes allowed to experiment in the science labs, after his affinity for it is discovered.

Then, Kajii is eleven when the Lime Bomber shows up. The Lime Bomber is from a rival underground organization who wants to take revenge against the hawkish Port Mafia leader(remember, this is before Mori) while he’s rumored to have become sick. The Lime Bomber makes a mockery of death, and his bombs are lime-shaped.

Kajii and his friends are ambushed, and they all die. Kajii still hasn’t connected his survival with an ability, and is wracked with grief. Why did he survive? Why didn’t the others? Can he trade their lives for his?

The people he’s relied on as his foundation for the past four years are dead, and he’s expected to continue on as if everything is normal. His mental health and trust in authority plunges. He’s distracted. He’s petty and spiteful and takes comfort in the things he can. At this point, Kajii is trusted to oversee and help out the mafia’s arms dealers. One of the workers is kind to him and lets him help. Kajii makes the outer casing of the bombs lemon-shaped as a ‘fuck you’ to Lime Bomber. She gets angry at him- he ‘messed them up’.

At the same time, he’s getting sloppy. He accidentally sets off a small bomb. He ends up with a broken leg, which takes months to heal. The leaders of his division in the Port Mafia notice, his former mentors who he used to respect and trust, commit the ultimate the ultimate betrayal- they decide he’s a liability and to let him die. He’s not too useful anyway- a twelve year old without an ability. His death will be useful, though- he’ll blow both himself and the enemy up.

Like, what Fyodor did.

Kajii realizes this is a suicide mission, but he’s simultaneously too angry and too empty to care. He’s equipped with the bombs he made himself and is sent to the front lines.

One of his friends who survived because she wasn’t at the incident comes to save him, even after he pushed her away, but it’s too late.

He sees Lime Bomber and is so angry he starts crying, and as the bombs explode around him, he’s still crying, and kills everyone around him, including his friend. It finally clicks for the higher-ups- Kajii has an ability. Kajii, meanwhile, breaks. He wants the innocence of his childhood and the childish wonder of science back.

He can’t.

He’s promoted, studies science more extensively. He takes the name of the late Lime Bomber, who he hates so much. His personality breaks and reforms. He’s obsessed with death now, and how he seems to be able to avoid it- as long as they’re citrus-shaped bombs. He sometimes accidentally kills other Port Mafia members when experimenting with his ability, but who cares? There’s nowhere he can go now. Where would go? His friends fade from memory and now he’s stuck. His identity revolves around his ability now. What else is there? Was there anything there to begin with?

He doesn’t remember how to make his grandpa’s lemon tart anymore.

Oof this is stupid and really ooc but take it. I wrote this when I was really tired. I’ll probably delete this later lol. Pleas tell if this romanticizes mental illness in any way, which wasn’t my intention. I’m too tired to check.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd kajii #kajii motojirou #motojirou kajii

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drunklander · 5 years

Text

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 501

We’re back again for another season of men never having to demonstrate any personal growth on screen because the writers don’t feel like that’s important to show and instead force the audience to just forget everything that previously happened because look! The characters, who aren’t real and are just what we write them to be, are all cool now so why aren’t you? #BadFans

As a standalone episode/series premiere of a new show, this episode was really good! I enjoyed it a lot, with some obvious exceptions. As the season five premiere of a show with a long history? What the actual fuck, why do you keep doing this, writers?

In season one, Jamie beats Claire, never actually apologizes for it, and we’re expected to be like oh lol it’s cool now. No worries.

In season two, Jamie takes his pants off with some prostitutes while his pregnant wife is at home, blames it on his “mission,” and we’re expected to be like oh lol it’s cool now. No worries.

In season three, Jamie is an asshole and a half to Claire when she gives up literally everything (including their daughter) to come find him and knowingly marries the woman who tried to have Claire killed because of one dance with random children at a holiday party, and we’re expected to be like oh lol it’s cool now. No worries.

In season four, Roger is a rancid garbage heap to Bree all season and is only begrudgingly down to stay with her as if *he’s* the one who’s been wronged by her, and Jamie literally sends a guy into what he thinks is like certain death/slavery without getting any real information, and we’re expected to be like oh lol it’s cool now. No worries.

So watching this premiere, I was not at all shocked that there was a convenient time jump where everything was so handily worked out off screen and we’re all super cool now, and Jamie thinking Roger isn’t good enough for Bree is played for a joke instead of being THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH. #BreeDeservesBetter

Anywho, onward under the cut because I’m back on my drunken bullshit.

Ooo, a rape warning before the episode, starting off very on brand for you I see, show.

Fuck them very much, again, for including that very unnecessary story line in the first place.

I miss Scotland, y’all. Also, young Murtz can get ittt.

So can old Murtz.

#TeamMurtz

This bit though with wee Jamie made me feel feelings. Jamie and Murtagh’s relationship is literally one of my favorite parts of this whole damn show and saving Murtagh was the best adaptive choice these fuckwads made.

Unpopular opinion alert, but I actually really like the new credits music. I will always like season one’s the best, but this one is up there.

Also, am I a giant weirdo for being happy that even though they change stuff in the credits all the time, they keep in the shot of Claire’s legs running from the pilot? Idk why, but I’m like sentimentally attached to that shot.

Also, that is a fucking microscope I see in the credits, are we gettING SCIENCE!JIZZ?!??!?!?!

SCIENCE!JIZZ! SCIENCE!JIZZ! SCIENCE!JIZZ!

“Careful, or ye’ll lose yer head.” And we’d all be definitely super sad if that happened. Yep, can’t have that. #TeamCutthroatRazor

Jamie threateningly shaving and insulting Roger is the fandom minus the stans who for some inconceivable reason still like that fucker.

Seriously, fuck Roger. Jamie is apparently the only one who hasn’t gotten amnesia about how terrible he is. I guess it’s because Jamie has been really fucking terrible many times and like recognizes like.

I fucking love that Murtz made Bree’s ring. Makes it more meaningful than the random trinket Roger picks up at the Gathering Without End in the book. Like Claire’s Lallybroch key ring was more meaningful than the book!ring. Fuck the show for ditching the Lallybroch key ring because tHe BoOk RiNg Is WhAt FaNs LiKe. No. Stop. Bad choice.

The aerial shot going over the big house makes me hopeful that this season won’t be as fucking claustrophobic as last year. Because seriously, we can all tell you’re still in Scotland. Doing a whole season in basically closeups doesn’t make it seem any more North Carolina-y.

CLAIRE MAKING BREE’S DRESS AND GETTING TO BE THERE FOR HER DAUGHTER’S WEDDING WHEN SHE DIDN’T THINK SHE’D BE ABLE TO GIVES ME ALL THE FEELINGS! CLAIRE DESERVES ALL THE GOOD THINGS! I JUST LOVE CLAIRE A LOT OK! SORRY NOT AT ALL EVER FUCKING SORRY! #BeauchampBrigade5Eva

Bree’s dress is fucking gorgeous. I lowkey like it better than Claire’s.

Da!Jamie on his something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue quest is fucking adorable. He also never thought he’d get to see this one of his kids’ wedding so yay for him too.

“And we’re giving her away to a man who loves her.” “Oh.” “What? You doubt his love?” “Um, I’m sorry, did you SEE all last season?! Did everyone else get amnesia?!”

Also, bullshit about Roger being terrible aside, this right here, with Jamie and Claire actually talking to each other in an adorable and snuggly way. Like being all close and cuddly and shit. THIS IS MY SHIT. When we all bitch about wanting more Jamie and Claire couple stuff and the writers are all like “but the sex doesn’t advance the story” it’s like no you fuckwits, we don’t always mean sex! Sometimes we mean sex, because sex is important in their relationship (and sex does not necessarily equal nudity), but most of the time we mean SHOW US THAT THESE PEOPLE LOVE EACH OTHER WITH THE SMALL CUTE STUFF LIKE THIS! I’m *rull* curious to see how much more of stuff like this we get this season now that Balfe and Heughan are producers. Balfe especially, considering how dirty they did Claire last season...

DA!JAMIE AND ANOTHER OF HIS KIDDOS! Da!Jamie being sappy and sentimental at his kids’ weddings is 100% my jam.

HIS FACE WHEN BREE SAYS JE SUIS PREST MAKES ME FEEL ALL THE FEELINGSSS.

MOM AND DAD ARE AT THEIR LIL GIRL’S WEDDING AND MY SKIN IS CLEAR AND MY CROPS ARE THRIVING. Except that one weed over there in the groom’s place that just won’t go away.

I am so fucking glad they did away with the Gathering Without End. I swear to fuck 17% of a book that’s just like camping and periods and breast milk is aggressively not my jam.

Unfortunately the groom being a douchenozzle is not a legal reason to object to a wedding. But it really should be.

Fersali being all snuggly and cute during the vows is fucking precious. I love Fersali. Protect Fersali at all costs.

I’m ok with playing Jamie and Claire’s music over Bree and Roger’s wedding because like, this is the culmination of all the shit that Jamie and Claire went through together and I’m all for making stuff just about them, haha. But otherwise, weird choice to not give Bree and Roger their own theme?

Also, I get that it’s a better choice to have a character we already know and have established stakes with be here to do the red coat stuff, but loool at the thought of the fucking governor coming to this random backcountry wedding. Tryon, buddy, I get that Murtz is your white whale, but you look obsessed in a bad way, bruh.

GERMAIN!!! I FUCKING LOVE GERMAIN! I FUCKING LOVE THAT JAMIE TALKS SHIT ABOUT PRESBYTERIANS TO GERMAIN! GIVE ME ALL THE SASSY SMOLS!

“Some of us like to think before we act.” Oh fuck all the way off, Roger. ALL THE WAY OFF.

“There was me thinking that you were just trying to shut me up for a minute.” I mean, that was an added bonus, Rog.

Sophie has really gotten so much better at acting. She’s always such a goddamn delight on press tours and I’m like *rull* glad to see her growing into the role.

Lizzo/Flute Lady from the Wedding Band 2020

I 100% wanna chill with JQM and Fersali. This squad of cool kids seems aggressively more fun than the dancers.

Oh Isiah Morton. If only you could keep it in your pants.

I LOVE FERGUS WITH MY WHOLE HEART.

I LOVE MARSALI POSSIBLY EVEN MORE.

GODDAMN IT I JUST LOVE FERSALI SO FUCKING HARD.

Seriously, the sass and theatricality and sarcasm of Marsali Fraser. I stan. I fucking stan.

Also I 100% kept reciting “To sit in solemn silence...” through that whole scene. Once a theater kid, always a theater kid.

Don’t be a buzzkill, LJG. I love that posh nerd. Except when he’s being a fucking creeper about Jamie to Claire.

“Mistress, can I dance with the guy I thought raped you because he was such a twatwaffle?” “Sure, Lizzie, go for it! Because we’re all friends now.”

We’re just leaning in on the dad stuff this episode. The hot dads of Riverdale should form a gang with the hot dads of the Ridge just for kicks.

Obligatory fuck the writers for including Bree’s rape. Since they did though, good on them for showing her PTSD. Although fuck them for including such a graphic flashback. Much like the choices they made in the season one finale, it centers the rapist and the act more than the survivor.

Can this please be the only Fred reference this season? Also love to lightly joke about an emotionally abusive asshole who treated Claire like shit and used Bree as a weapon against her. Claire, being the bigger person she’s always been, will obvs not speak ill of Fred to Bree (unlike how Freddy boy undermined Claire in front of Bree), but Bree is now aware of just how shitty Fred was. Even if he wasn’t overtly shitty to her, her still being all lovey about him, knowing what he did to her mother, is lowkey super fucked up. “Well I know he was shitty to other people, but he never did anything to me” is never a good look.

Bree hugging Jemmy, oh man, I just wanna give her a hug and tell her everything’s gonna be ok.

Jocasta is still trash (there’s no such thing as a benevolent slave owner) but this Murcasta scene is a goddamn delight.

OK BUT NOW I NEED FAN ART OF MURTZ AS A FAIRY KING!

Roger singing to Bree is cute and all, but then using the music for the whole montage is cheesy af and I don’t think I like it.

Is that Arch and Murdina I spy there in the crowd?

Marsali is literally the most fertile woman in the Colonies.

Grannie and Granda trying to get it on veryyy quietly so they don’t wake Jemmy is fucking adorable as shit and I lowkey love it.

Awww, poor LJG. I ship Lord John with someone who actually loves him.

Ok I get Murcasta having to break up because of his regulator stuff, randomly introducing Duncan Innes is a fucking weird choice.

Maria Doyle Kennedy really was the fucking perfect casting choice.

Oh hey, Josiah Beardsley. I was hoping they’d cut out the whole thing with the Beardsleys and Lizzie, but honestly, I’ll take that silliness over Emo!Roger any day.

Good on Jocasta for being a clever MacKenzie, but fuck Roger for only doing the right thing when he’s insulted into it. TL;DR: Fuck Roger.

Is Gerald Forbes going to randomly turn into Neil Forbes at some point like he does in the book?

DOCTOR CLAIRE FOR THE WIN GIVE ME ALL THE DOCTOR CLAIRE.

Srsly, I am here for Jamie shitting on Roger at literally every opportunity. Preach, Jamie. Preach.

“I’ll leave you to yer patients. And to wage war with your wee invisible beasties.” Seriously though, this is my jam. This playful banter. For so much of the series, it’s been like do these two even like each other? Because the writers kept trying to make the show into something it wasn’t. Politics, war, characterization flipflops and assholery FoR tHe DrAmA. It was so hard to see why Claire would ever pick this guy. I’m very cautiously optimistic that more shit like this will be peppered in this year because dammit, this is why we’re all fucking here.

“Then ye must find yerself a lieutenant.” Can it be Marsali? Please? Can Marsali be Claire’s lieutenant?! Because cutting the whole Malva bullshit would be ideal. And Fersali gets so sidelined in the later books that I’d fucking LOVE the writers to make changes so they can be more centered with the rest of the fam. And I am fucking obsessed with Claire and Marsali’s relationship. Marsali is the most Claire Jr. character in this whole damn show and I WANT THEM TOGETHER IN FRONT OF MY EYEBALLS.

Roger pricks his index finger but smudges the blood on Jemmy’s head with his thumb. Not the takeaway of this scene at all. But since I don’t like Roger, that’s my bullet for it.

Also I love that they switched the whole raise a militia thing to a hunt for Murtz & Squad rather than needing to do it because some randos are somewhere doing a thing and then lol jk they left so you can all go home like it is in the book.

Totally called it that they were going to combine the two bonfires and that this was when the kilt was gonna make its triumphant return.

Also I fucking love that it’s the music from Je Suis Prest during the scene when Jamie puts his kilt back on.

And thank fuck they didn’t put any dialogue/voiceover in this scene when Claire sees Jamie. It’s so much more powerful without it.

Aaand we’re burning a cross. At least they were smart enough not to burn a Roman cross, but they’re still burning a cross instead of just doing a bonfire. The scene could be just as powerful had it been adapted to not have a burning cross. Fuck them, tbh.

Remember that time that fuckwit Roberts tried to be like oh we’re not *really* burning a cross so we’re not racist but we’re not gonna address it directly because lol out fanbase is fucking wicked conservative and also a fucking cult who will yell at us for changing anything.

Because seriously that twatwaffle really tried to pretend like a celtic cross isn’t a religious symbol so they’re not having a KKK rally in this white supremacist hellscape. FUCK THAT GUY FOR BOTH HIS SHITTY DECISIONS AND ALSO FOR ACTING LIKE WE’RE ALL FUCKING IDIOTS.

BuT hIsToRy AnD tHe BoOk! Fuck that. Do. Not. Burn. Crosses. But they showed a lynching last year for the sole purpose of showing the shocked white people, so of course they fucking burned a cross.

Jamie being both himself and Colum from the Gathering in season one at the same time is a fucking sight to see.

The look on Knox’s face is *chef’s kiss*. Bruh you don’t even *know* who you’re dealing with.

Aaand in a move that is not at all shocking, Roger hesitates *again*, when Jamie extends his hand to him. Fuck, and I cannot stress this enough, that guy. I get that he’s untrained and scared or whatever, but buddy you deal with that shit tomorrow. You don’t fucking leave Jamie hanging when he’s doing this big theatrical thing in an effort to fucking save his land and tenants. Ugh.

FERGUS, SON OF HIS NAME AND HIS HEART! Jamie and Claire’s first kid getting the props he fucking deserves. ILY SO MUCH FERGS!

Marsali’s face when Fergus goes to give his oath. Just the pride and love there. I JUST LOVE THEM SO FUCKING MUCH OK.

I appreciate the commitment to the shitty green screen of that titular Ridge, haha.

That is a *rull* phallic rock in your circle, Murtz.

BUT...ALWAYS TAKE A MURTAGH! *cries*

This is a real gut punch of a scene, tbh. It’s 100% the right thing to do, but damn, right in the fucking feels.

This episode, with my selective amnesia activated per the above lol, has me more hopeful for how a season might be than I’ve been in a while. But this feeling has consistently been crushed in the past. Here’s to hoping the show finally stops doing us dirty!

#*#outlander starz #outlander 5x01 #drunj!der yells about outlander

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manual-izuku · 5 years

Text

Why Izuku Midoriya aka Deku is the UA Traitor we're all looking for.

This sounds crazy, almost far fetched, but think about it. What if Deku was the UA traitor?

It's common knowledge that Izuku's quirk doctor, Ujiko, is also the Nomu doctor and works closely with the LOV and AFO.

Now, we don't know how they do quirk tests. Right? What do they test? Their blood? Do they put them through a series of scenarios to see if a quirk activates? I sure as heck don't know.

But what we do know is that Ujiko told young Izuku that he was quirkless. I'm sure, after the reveal that he was working with AFO, that everyone is having their doubts now. Maybe Izuku wasn't as quirkless as we thought he was. Maybe he does have a quirk. Maybe his dad is AFO.

But I have a different thought.

What if, unwillingly and unknowingly, Izuku is the UA traitor?

I theorize that Ujiko could have implanted a quirk into young Izuku's body. Izuku WAS quirkless. He genuinely didn't have a quirk… Until he was given one. Not by All Might, but by Ujiko.

I mean, haven't you ever wondered how weird it is that Izuku can analyze and take notes about every hero, villain, and student? How he can notice small things like spot weaknesses and read body language? It's odd how easily he can decipher someone with a notebook and a pencil.

He can also get under peoples skin. He pry's. People let him in because he's so trustworthy and innocent. They love Izuku because there's no way someone like him can ever be bad. So he can get close to people. Heroes and students alike.

So that makes me wonder… Maybe Ujiko experimented on young Izuku and gave him a quirk, an analysis quirk, like he can give quirks to Nomu and AFO. It was just 1 quirk, put to test on a quirkless little boy, so no one would notice it.

Plus, an analysis quirk isn't flashy or noticable, it just makes you look like a nerd. So of course everyone thought Deku was quirkless! They just thought he was so in love with Heroes that he became obsessed and super nerdy.

So that makes me think that Izuku is the one giving away all of UA's secrets. He's being used, watched by Ujiko and his given quirk. Everytime he writes down something important, everytime he takes mental notes of where they're going.

Of course, Izuku doesn't know he's being traitorous. He has no idea that Ujiko was the quirk doctor who told him he was quirkless as a child. He doesn't know that he was given an analysis quirk to be used for finding out secrets about heroes.

And doesn't Ujiko work with All For One? All Might's sworn enemy? It was common knowledge that Izuku idolized All Might. So if Ujiko gave Izuku an analysis quirk, it was because AFO ordered him to. He told Ujiko to give a quirkless boy, who was in love with all things All Might, an analysis quirk so he can study the hero and write down trade secrets.

Makes you think, right?

Also, Horikoshi just seems like the type to do this kind of plot twist.

He's making us look at Hagakure, Kirishima, Aoyama, Kaminari, etc etc. He's making us figure out who the UA traitor could be. Trying to fool us, while he laughs at the fact that no one expects it to be Izuku.

Because who would ever believe the main character is the traitor, right?

Not only that, but if Izuku is the traitor, it can make the story very interesting. The class won't blindly trust him anymore, despite him not meaning to give away their trade secrets. They'll feel threatened, afraid of their secrets getting spilled.

His relationship with Bakugo will grow because Bakugo will want to protect Izuku. He was his childhood friend, he's the one who's known this boy since diapers. There wasn't a lick of ill intent on this boy's body, and Bakugo knew that. There was no way Izuku CHOSE to be a traitor.

Izuku will want to stop writing about heroes. He'd be hesitant, afraid to analyze now that he knew it wasn't his nerdy mind but it was, in fact, a quirk given to him unwillingly. He would be afraid that another villain could have taken the fallen Ujiko's place (or maybe Ujiko didn't fall) and is still watching him. Still waiting for those secrets to roll in.

Toshinori will be angry at AFO for using his successor like this. He'll think AFO has gone too far while the villain in question is smug that he managed to get into All Might's skin. Almost as if he planned it…

Izuku will have to work harder than he ever has to prove to himself and his peers that he can still be a pillar of hope. He would have to become amazing, work extra hard, just to show everyone he didn't mean to spill their secrets. That he didn't mean to be a traitor.

As for my AFO theory…

If I'm right, and Izuku was given a quirk instructed by AFO, then maybe Izuku's meeting with All Might was planned from the very beginning.

Think about this, okay? The slime villain played a huge role in BNHA because it made Izuku and All Might meet. Without that villain, BMHA wouldn't even exist. So, why was he given such a small role? Do we even know his name?

I find it odd how he's mentioned so much throughout the series. The "slime incident", though focused on Bakugo, is constantly brought up at random intervals from civilians, students, and also flashbacks. Maybe that slime villain had a bigger role than we all thought.

My original thought was that the slime villain was an intelligent Nomu, but that didn't make much sense since we didn't know intelligent nomu existed until only recently, nor did we know Nomu existed at all until the USJ arc.

So I scratched that off the list.

My next thought was that the slime villain was working with AFO. Maybe he was just a straggler that AFO picked up off the street and offered him something he couldn't resist taking: A body.

AFO told him he had the perfect vessel, one that wasn't strong and wouldn't fight back. One with green hair, one who was plain and went by unnoticed, who was young and fresh, who felt like he didn't belong in the world, one who likely wouldn't be missed by anyone other than his own mother.

Izuku Midoriya was the perfect body.

So AFO told the slime villain all about Izuku and told him to follow the boy. AFO knew All Might would save anyone if enough attention was drawn, so he told the slime villain he could capture the boy however he wanted to, and the slime villain wanted to create havoc before he became human.

It got All Might's attention and then, bam, Izuku is suddenly in the heroes life.

The slime villain went after Bakugo when his original plan failed. He became desperate to find a body, he was afraid something would happen to him when AFO found out he failed. Bakugo came along and he decided to get him and run away.

It may not have been AFO's exact plan, but it got the job done, right? He WANTED All Might to save Izuku. He WANTED All Might to see potential in Izuku. He WANTED them to get close enough that All Might would train and give Izuku One for All.

It was all a huge elaborate plan by AFO, and that's why he doesn't seem so stressed to be stuck in tartarus. That's why he still seems smug, despite being locked up and caged like an animal. He knows that his plan isn't over, that Izuku is still analyzing.

Until now, of course. I have a feeling the traitor will be revealed in this arc. With the pro heroes chasing down Ujiko with class 1-A on the side lines, it'll come to no shock that Izuku will recognize this doctor and point it out. And that traitors will be revealed.

My bets are placed on 3 students:

Kaminari

Aoyama

And Midoriya.

Tell me what you all think. Do you think my theory is far fetched? Is there some stuff I could add to it? Do you believe that Izuku could be the traitor?

#bnha #boku no hero academia spoilers #bnha deku #ua traitor #theory #bnha theory #my hero academia spoilers #my hero academia #my hcs #boku no hero manga #boku no hero academia #bnha manga #manga blog

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mononyann · 4 years

Text

a while back people requested that i share some of my headcanons for certain bnha characters, so here's some of the characters that i did

Shota Aizawa

- he absolutely has at LEAST 3 cats, he spoils the heck out of them too. that's why he's always eating those gel packs... he spends too much on his cats.

- he really does love his class. and we all know honey??? u haven't expelled any of them. ur soft for them ok.

- he likes to sleep with his cats bc he gets lonely at night... he will not admit it, but he likes having someone/something there :)

- he has reuccuring nightmares about the usj attack and how he could have failed to save his students

- has a very low alcohol tolerance and often ends up getting dragged back to his apartment by mic or midnight when they go out whilst he rambles and whines the entire time

- he hates crying and tries his best to keep his emotions held in, he's only cried in front of a select few people

- he tries not to let others opinions on him rule his life and tends to block it out if someone hates him

- he doesn't know it, but he is the entirety of class 1-a's dad.

- he really likes tea, and dislikes sweets

- as you would expect, he takes his coffee black

Hanta Sero

- he really likes kpop! he stans multiple groups and really wants to attend a concert

- though he seems really chill on the outside, he's actually quite sensitive and has some self confidence issues

- he loves being around people and finds that he gets his energy from being around those he loves

- definitely into e-boy fashion, and he is open about it

- pierced his own ears at 3 am and called kaminari crying about how he screwed it up

- he actually likes to draw a lot in his free time, it's very relaxing. he puts on some nice low-fi music and draws for hours

- he hasn't had many crushes in his life and doesn't find romance to be a big issue currently, but he's open to anything

- accidentally taped his hamster to the ceiling in 2nd grade, he didn't mean to and cried for hours (the hamster was ok)

Nemuri Kayama

- she is a BRO, she likes to crack a cold one open with the boys on the weekends

- she is bisexual and thinks everyone is beautiful in their own unique ways

- most likely talks shit about her coworkers to her classes

- she thinks children are adorable and loves them, often scaring them with her enthusiasm

- very touchy, she loves hugs and will probably not pass up a chance to use you as an armrest if she has the chance

- she secretly worries about aizawa a lot and is scared that he lets the past effect him too much

- did you guys know she has a cat?!

- i like to think she and mic are like... EPIC bros, she loves to paint his nails and do his hair while gossiping with him (aizawa would NEVER let her do this to him lmao)

- she isn't a mom, but finds the idea of having her own children very nice, for now having a cat will suffice

- she enjoys trying to make all might flustered, she thinks his reactions to things are always very cute and funny (it's all in good fun!)

- she's the mom friend! though she may seem very sexual, which she undoubtedly is, she is also very caring and has a very nuturing motherly personality, she's a lot more than just fanservice !!!!!

Todoroki Shoto

- completely oblivious when it comes to love... he doesn't even understand his own crushes

- "of course you can borrow my credit card uraraka" *pulls out endeavors card which he sneakily took*

- would be the person to tell a child that their pet guinea pig didn't go to heaven and be confused when they start sobbing... like "what... don't be honest?"

- allows his friends to huddle up to his warm side when they are cold

- is confused when people show him copious amounts of love and affection

- he would beat up anyone if they tried to do ANYTHING bad to midoriya

- he wants more friends. he really is enjoying meeting new people and having some new friends at ua!

- he gives really good hugs, he doesn't try to hug you too tight, but he doesn't half ass it either, very nice and warm

- he hates his scar. like. a lot. he wants to cover it up so bad but it just doesn't work. he's afraid it'll make other people scared of him.

Shinsou Hitoshi

- loves patd! and fall out boy, a brendon urie STAN

- loves to kiss his kitties on the forehead but dreads human interaction

- he loves to squish his cats' toebeans... he takes pictures of them and posts them to his secret cat social media acc

- he is gay but doesn't know how to feel about it and/or come out, he's really nervous and doesn't trust people to accept him

- he doesn't smile often but when he does it's the cutest thing ever

- he secretly really likes deku and kaminari and is hesitant about accepting their friendship, but appreciates the gestures a lot

- he suffers with social anxiety and doesn't really know how to make friends very well??? like, in middle school people were total dickbags to him so he kinda just closed himself off and decided he was gonna like... not make friends, but now that there's nice people around him he just kind of- doesn't know how

- this is actually canon! but he feels guilty about having to manipulate people when he uses his quirk, during the 4th school briefs book he feels guilty when he overhears midoriya and ojiro talking about him using his quirk during the sports festival, and he's like "i wish ojiro would say something rude about me to show he's angry so i wouldn't have to feel so guilty about this" since ojiro showed no ill feelings towards him

Izuku Midoriya

- "hold on I'll go get a blanket!" *opens closet* *thousands of all might figurines tumble out*

- watches cat vine compilations until 2 am, than freaks out when he realizes it is 2 am

- very good with children!

- used to be very self conscious about his freckles bc of bakugou insulting them; hid them with concealer for a while until someone told him they were beautiful

- loves his momma so muchhh he would do anything for her, he likes to surprise her with small favors to see her happy

- does not understand the concept of letting people handle their own problems

- stays after to class to offer his teachers help

- he has a lot of self doubts and is still struggling to this day to come to terms with the fact that he is worthy of having one for all

- he wants to learn how to cook for his mom and friends

Kyoka Jirou

- she is a lesbian!!!!! she has a crush on momo but is completely convinced that it's unrequited

- struggled with judgmental kids in middle school because of her sexual identity and style

- gets very easily flustered by anyone complimenting her

- that one person sitting at the back of the bus with their earbuds blasting full volume

- was a GOD at guitar hero

- acts like she's fed up with kaminari's (which she can be sometimes), but truly he's one of the people she can trust the most. she secretly appreciates the way he hypes up her talents and how he really helps her through the day sometimes!

- she loves heroes so much... when she was a little girl and didn't know what to do she'd ask herself "what would my favorite heroes do!?"

- she also secretly buys hero merch but hides it in fear of her being seen as sappy

Amajiki Tamaki

- would have trouble standing up for himself but if he sees ANYONE messing with mirio he WILL throw hands

- likes to watch bob ross videos when hes feeling anxious

- he once went to a butterfly museum with his parents and cried out of joy when one landed on his nose

- leaves food out for strays in his neighborhood, ends up attracting an entire hoard of animals.

- he can paint very nicely, he began to paint after he discovered bob ross

- mirio then saw his paintings and showed the entire class to tamaki's dismay, but everyone absolutely LOVED them!!!

- every day he becomes more and more capable and sure of himself, he is still very anxious, but he's learning to open up and embrace his talents <3

- he really loves to listen to music and any time he's not around others he'll probably have earbuds in, gently swaying back and forth to whatever he has on

- nejire loves to try out new hairstyles on him, and strangely enough, tamaki lets her, he loves it when people play with his hair

Shirakumo Oboro

- shares one collective braincell with mic

- that one person that brings EVERYONE valentine treats on valentines day at school

- most likely plays ding dong ditch

- *draws stick figure* "ah yes. just like van goh" (he cannot draw)

- hates to see his friends (and even random strangers upset) and will go out of his way to do dumb things to make them smile

- probably played soccer

- he's a massive flirt and likes to believe he will become a stereotypical anime protagonist with a massive harem

- he really wants to see aizawa come out of his shell more and tries his best to encourage him to see the best in everything

- he has most likely worn a schoolgirl uniform to class once

- he's very affectionate and loves to hug his friends (even if they don't want hugs), it's his way of showing he likes people

Hizashi Yamada

- he lives off of caffeine. he is a teacher, pro hero, and radio show host, im honestly not sure how he does it

- gives out stickers when students get the correct answer in class and has class parties when they are well behaved for the semester

- just like everyone else, he has his own turmoil as well, he likes to stay busy because it prevents him from having a lot of time to dwell on the past

- he gives really good hugs, and loves to feel the touch of others, it's very comforting to him

- was probably pretty troublesome when he was very young while he learned to get control of his quirk

- overall a really happy and excitable guy, he loves being the center of attention and if he can make people happy by being what he is, that's awesome!

- he shows his appreciation for people in odd ways, but he always means good, even if his wild antics can be a bit stressful lol

- he likes to sing a lot and does it a bunch when he's alone, he can also play a lot of instruments

- he can be very serious if needed, he does often put on a persona when he's present mic

- when he's hizashi (out of hero persona) he's even more of a dork than usual, very goofy, awkward and pouty. a manchild.

OK so I reached my image limit, if u guys wanna see the rest I might post some more later PLUS feel free to request some in my asks, I don't really know how all that stuff works bc I'm kinda new to Tumblr but ILL FIGURE IT OUT

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faedawayyy · 3 years

Text

50 QUESTIONS WITH YASMINE HERNANDEZ! //one more after her then i’ll quit LOL

THINGS YOU’RE NEVER ASKED

which song went to number 1 on your birthday? (find out here) "under the bridge by lady marmalade. i’ll have to listen to that one when i’m back in my hotel room.”

if you could turn any scent into a candle, what would it be? “how has nobody said freshly baked bread yet? or freshly baked anything?”

which element best suits you: fire, earth, water or air? “water. i cry a lot.”

what’s the worst grade you’ve ever got on a test? “i can’t remember, i always did pretty well in school.”

what’s the best grade you’ve ever got on a test? “i think an A.”

how many countries have you travelled to? “not many. i lived in the states when i was really young, then we moved to england. i went on a holiday to spain with my dad when i was super young but other than that, just the ones on the tour.”

who is your favourite disney character? “i really like jasmine.”

what is one thing people believe that you don’t? “karma. some good people get so much shit year after year. some bad people seem to always get the best deal.”

do you usually drink enough water in a day? “recently, yes! i started breaking out loads.”

what’s your middle name? “elana.”

PARENTS

do you know both of your parents? “not anymore.”

are they together? “no.”

are you adopted? “no.”

what’s your favourite memory with your parent(s)? “my mum once took me to london during christmas and we looked at all of the lights, then got to go into harrods. window shopping was a lot of fun.”

what did your parent(s) study when they were at the academy? “my mum was an actress, my dad dropped out of college and is now in jail. fun.”

which project of your parent(s) is your favourite? “euphoria.”

which parent is the strictest? “i don’t know my dad anymore, so mum, but she had to be.”

which parent do you look most like physically? “my mum, i hope. she’s stunning.”

which parent do you behave the most like? “neither.”

are you close? “not so much anymore.”

THIS OR THAT

the titanic or the notebook? “titanic! are you for real?”

dc or marvel? “i don’t like superhero movies...oops?”

disney or pixar? “disney and pixar.”

pink or green? “green, every shade is so fresh and natural.”

summer or winter? “see, in theory i like summer but when it actually comes it’s sweat, it’s crowded fields and beaches, it’s wasps, it’s traffic. so, i’ll say winter.”

spring or autumn? “autumn.”

dogs or cats? “dogs! dogs, dogs, dogs.”

rom-coms or horrors/thrillers? “rom-coms, i’m a scaredy cat.”

nights in or nights out? “nights in, butnot on my own!”

early riser or night owl? “night owl.”

GETTING PERSONAL

what age did you have your first kiss? “i think i may have been around thirteen.”

have you lost your virginity? how old were you? “i was seventeen.”

what’s your biggest regret? “maybe doubting myself so much. it’s something i still do and i’ve missed out on a lot because of it.”

which song most reflects your life so far? “it’s one i’ve written called i won’t apologise, on my earlier albums.”

what’s your biggest fear in life? “having my life controlled by someone else - trusting the wrong people, being stuck in relationships, stalked...anything like that.”

do you want to get married? “i don’t think so.”

do you want children? “maybe through adoption.”

what is a cause you feel strongly about? “i care a lot about supporting children with life-changing illnesses. diabetes, for example. i think we forget about them too much.”

what’s your sexuality? “i’m bisexual.”

when in life did you feel the loneliest? “oh, a lot of my school life. i think...the girls i consider my friends now are literally my first group of friends ever.”

10 TRUTHS

have you ever skinny-dipped? “i haven’t.”

ever had inappropriate thoughts about somebody you shouldn’t? “maybe.”

what’s the worst thing you’ve said behind somebody’s back? “...i’d like to say i haven’t said anything?”

have you ever sent a sexual text? “no!”

is there anything you dislike for no apparent reason? “daytime television.”

what’s the most recent lie you’ve ever told? “...again, i’m not sure!”

can you put your hand on your heart and say you’ve never complimented a project you didn’t really like? “yes.”

the best advice you’ve ever been given? “i’m not sure.”

a quote you try to live by? “again, i don’t know!”

where do you want to be in ten years? “healthy and happy.”

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yakumtsaki · 5 years

Photo

I taste just like ice cream, bitch I am so icy, heart cold like an ice queen, that's why they don't like me 🎵

-What the hell was that.

Traditionally I start Union updates with semi-relevant song lyrics.

-Why did you start an update at all.

Because it’s time, Shajar! I took a holy oath in my 2020 simming goals post to update Unions once a month, and I’m already a month late.

-But nothing interesting is happening.

That’s never stopped me before. Now listen to Rico Nasty, cry some more about Sophie blowing you off, and shut up.

-Ugh please, I couldn’t be more over Sonia if I tried. I hardly ever texted her links to wedding pinterest boards and quizzes to determine if our parenting styles are compatible.

Did she ever reply?

-She did once and said ‘who dis’. Of course the letters unscrambled spell out ‘do wish’, meaning she did wish me to keep messaging her. I just don’t know where it all went wrong.

-Hey there, 17 year old girl, maybe you’ve had enough neat whiskey for the night? We’re actually running out of bottles.

-Beat it, ponytail, I need to dull my pain. I’ve just been stabbed right in the gut by the love of my life. Just like my style idol and general role model, space opera fascist Kylo Ren.

Shaj I really hate seeing you like this, and not just because the red neon light is super unflattering on your complexion.

-You can fuck right off too, I was perfectly happy with my dads who hate me and my imbecile sister and my brother who might as well not exist, noogie-ing people all day AND night long, but you had to be all ‘OMG IT’S SOPHIE MIGUEL SHAJAR GO TALK TO HER’. Life-ruining-moron.

But I was totally right about you two hitting it off, I mean look how sad you are now that she dumped- yea never mind, that’s not a good argument.

-Look what I can do even though I’ve had 46 whiskeys!! How you like me now, Sophie???

-You’re paying for all these broken glasses, I’m going to need your name and a credit card.

-Yes, fair enough, my name is Cyneswith Union-

-I LOOK GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT

Yea, you really should eat something to soak up all the alcohol. And not to kick you when you’re down, but you should also disregard all those cliches about ~a smile being the most beautiful thing you can wear~ because MAN. Watch out Joaquin, there’s a new Joker on the prowl.

-So.. 20 lobsters thermidor and our most expensive appetizers?

-Aha.

-Would you mind settling your bill now?

-Of course not! My name is Cyneswith Union and this is the credit card my parents got me when I was 6 because we’re super duper best friends! I love my parents! They don’t care about their other daughter at all, even when their other daughter is going through a really hard time because she got the emotional equivalent of a lightsaber wound in the gut. You know what, let me also get 20 bottles of your most overpriced champagne to go with the lobsters.

Feeling better?

-Well it’s hard to feel bad when you’re spending your parents’ money recklessly and with malice aforethought.

It sure is. Alright well, the sun is coming up, maybe we should head home.

-What’s the rush? What is going to happen if I don’t go home, my parents will get worried? LOL

God your life sucks. Ok let’s hit a couple more places.

-Greetings. Welcome to our establishment. I am a human employee from this planet.

Great, nice to meet you.

-I just want there to be no doubt that I am indeed an earthling, born and raised under the earth’s exosphere and not above it.

Leave us alone.

-And I’m the resident community lot sim with that one face template you hate! There must be one of us on every lot you visit!

-And I am here in my revealing outfit to use the dance sphere and make everyone uncomfortable!

You’re actually pretty, I need to keep you in mind for after Don Oates takes a wrecking ball to our genetics, but yea, let’s bounce, Shajar.

Time to visit the happiest place on earth, Deh'Javu Modern Art Museum, home to my favorite piece of art in any medium, The Toilet of Fire. Shove that Fountain up your ass, Duchamp. How we feeling, Shaj?

-This trash can reminds of Sophie :( She used to go around town throwing money she stole from charities in trash cans and then send them riddles for where to find them :(

Enough with Sophie, we’ll find you someone better! Like..

..your aunt! Get the hell out of here Brit Brit, you’re taking up townie space.

-I won’t be long, Gunther’s amazing close-up portrait of my hair was rejected by the museum so I’m here to set this shithole on fire.

In other words Gunther just painted a canvas black and called it a day?

-His art doesn’t cater to plebs. Yes, offense.

Our old friend Ugly Teen Townie is here so finally we can have some fun. Shajar had gone almost 12 hours(!) without noogieing someone and I was starting to worry for her health.

-Yes, yes, I’m starting to feel like myself again..

Good for you, Shaj!

-Hope you’ve made peace with your God, Ugly Teen Townie, this water balloon is filled with horse feces!

-WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET HORSE SHIT

-I ordered it from some guy named Leod McGreggor.

-How about a another joke, MuRRAY?

-What?!

-Now you say, ‘no, I think we’ve had enough of your jokes’. Say it!

-No, I think we’ve had enough of your jokes.

-What do you get when you cross a mentally-ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash? Now you say ‘call the police, Gene!’

-Call the police, Gene!

-I'll tell you what you get..

-YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE. HAHA oh man! Good stuff.

Alright I’m starting to feel bad for Ugly Teen Townie, first he had to come to all the toddler birthday parties during the Victoria/Komei era and now this, he has suffered enough at this family’s hands. Time to go home, Shaj.

-Not so fast!

Wow, the Countess and Mrs. Crumplebottom on the same lot, top 10 anime crossovers.

-I have been sent here by the Limp Dick Vamps United organization to recruit Shajar Union.

Ugh you people are still around? Haven’t heard of you losers since the Count wouldn’t let Victoria bang him, which I’m still annoyed about.

-Indeed we are, and it’s clear Shajar is ready to join us, dedicating her life to evil deeds without romantic distractions. I have no idea what Crumplebottom is doing here.

-I’m here to recruit Shajar to my own organization, Bitter Sims Worldwide Alliance. We’re always on the lookout for new members who want to spread their misery to their fellow Sim.

It sounds like it’d be more effective if you guys just merged your organizations.

-I will NEVER merge my organization with someone who displays her bosom like a common whore.

-Eat a dick, Crumplebottom!

-MAKE ME, FANGTOOTH

-Alright here I am, what the fuck do you want?

-Shajar, it is a pleasure to meet you! Ardent admirer of your work.

-What work, freakshow?

-Torturing everyone around you, what else!

-What? I don’t torture people around me, if anything they torture me.

-Why don’t you talk to me about it?

-I’d rather not, you look like a bejeweled snowman.

-Look deep into my eyes, Shajar..

-And now look deep into my razor sharp teeth..

-Ugh fine, let’s talk.

-Is that Victoria and Komei’s teen granddaughter hanging out with a vampire?

Yes it is Kennedy, keep it moving.

-God, wtf is wrong with this family.

Nothing now that you’ve been removed from our social circle, go away! Just kidding, you’re an icon and I’m marrying you in at some point.

-Hard pass.

Your loss, hombre.

-It definitely isn’t.

-If I had known your turn on was vampires I would had set you two up!

STOP SETTING UP TEENS WITH ADULTS, LAKSHMI. And Shajar’s turn ons isn’t vampires, it’s fitness/fatness. Body positive queen.

-Well, Shajar, you alphabetically listing all the people who have wronged you while I was trying to kill Crumplebottom telepathically has made for a very productive conversation. We’ll be in touch.

-Thanks, Countess, it’s been real.

Shajar!!! Who cares about Sophie when you might bag a hot, rich vamp??

-Meh.

I’m gonna need you to be more excited about this prospect because a vampire spouse might just be enough of a draw to beat the comedic factor of fucking Don Oates turning us into an unintentional uglacy and I’m doing whatever I can to avoid my fate.

Ugh.

UGH

UGHHHHHHH

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO VICTORIA

-GET FUCKED, BROKEN FACED WEIRDO

God I miss you Vic 💔

-Donnie-bear, not to be not-nice, but mopping your pee off my front lawn is not exactly what I pictured doing during this date.

This guy won’t even mop up his own piss, what a catch.

Wow, manipulative much?? You are a piss piece of work, Donaldo.

-Don’t think we forgot about you, you 10-nice-point disgrace!

-VICTOR NO

-GET THAT MOP READY

-Finally, some peace and quiet.. Just me, alone with my broken heart, pondering my hopeless, loveless future..

-💗💗💗OMG SIS THERE YOU ARE. DONNIE AND I MADE OUT!!! 💗💗💗 But then grandma’s ghost scared him into soiling himself.

-Good for grandma, hopefully next time she gives him a stroke. Now shut up and let’s eat in silence while I ponder my hopeless, loveless future.

-Okie dokie! 💗💗💗

-Um, I think mine has vomit in it.

-Yea I did that, but it’s just whiskey and lobster, if anything it increased in value.

-Awww thanks sis! 💗💗💗

-Stop patronizing me, you little bitch. God I want to poke your eye out with this chopstick so badly.

-I love you too Shaj! 💗💗💗

And I hate both of you. Where’s your brother, I haven’t paid attention to him in 3 days.

-He went upstairs, I think he’s pusshurt we forgot his birthday LOL

IT’S HIS BIRTHDAY????

-Don’t feel bad, I forgot it too! 💗💗💗

GODDAMMIT. WULF! WULF WHERE ARE YOU

-I’m here, I just grew up and dare I say it could not have gone better!

Really?? Finally some good news! Let me look upon you-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

WULF WHAT THE FUCK

-I was Mozart musical genius boy but now I’m a sk8ter boi! Character development!

Ok this is the most iconic birthday look since Gunther grew up in the pirate costume, we’re obviously keeping it.

-Great! And as if the fact I’m a Wyatt face template with 0 Jojo genes wasn’t enough to make me unelectable, I also rolled family! :D I’m doing everything I can to ensure I live that sweet motherlode spare life!

Honestly you should had picked another outfit cause now that you’re dressed like this I unironically want you to win. Hoisted with your own petard.

#gen 2

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