#ill stop hurting him when i feel like it lol

[vanmec]

Papa Emeritus III as the Doomed son.

[My Socials] | [Prints]

[arolesbianism]

Shakes the bars of my cage I need to draw soooo bad I need to draw I need to draw let me draw I have to draw I need to draw I must draw (<- has been too sick to be on electronics much and doesn't like doing traditional art)

[lovecrazedpup]

when my friend is at work so i cant cry in call with him !

[77dekiru]

It’s honestly so upsetting to see that the majority of people just don’t understand that Tomura doesn’t actually get enjoyment from killing people.

Tomura has literally felt so sick to his stomach that he has thrown up when he has killed people before.

The difference between all of the times Tomura has felt physically ill from killing people and all of the times that Tomura has gotten “enjoyment” from it (Tomura doesn’t feel enjoyment, he feels relief.) is that each time the person he killed had hurt him first.

Killing the people that hurt him is just genuinely the only thing that Tomura can think of to get them to finally stop so that they won’t hurt him anymore.

Tenko had originally reached out to his father for help, only for him to be struck by him with a gardening tool… and only then Tenko killed (with purpose) his father to stop him from hurting him again:

Tomura only wanted to kill the two drunk men after they had hurt him for literally just walking down the street:

Tomura wanting to kill the heroes that had hurt him (with the intention of killing him):

Tomura still doesn’t get enjoyment from killing people who hurt him, but he does experience relief from it…

((Edit: I would just like to clarify that the relief that Tomura feels from killing people that hurt him comes from knowing that they can’t hurt him anymore (relief that he is safe, even if temporarily) It does not come from him getting rid of the “itch” that he experiences (it always comes back, even after killing), like AFO groomed him into believing. I saw someone add that in the tags, and I realized that I never fully explained my thoughts on it. LOL.))

Not to mention, Tomura was literally GROOMED by All For One (which is something that people just like to ignore for some reason…) to even have this desire to kill people in the first place.

And even then Tomura doesn’t have the desire to kill people in the way that AFO wants!

His want for destruction stems from his inherent empathy for others, and his inability to understand how people are able to ignore the suffering of others. Not what All For One has groomed him into believing. (That Tomura’s want for destruction is an impulse that’s something inherent to him.)

Tomura has continued to have empathy for others despite AFO’s grooming, and has showed genuine kindness to the league on many occasions…

All of this is such an important aspect of Tomura’s character and being able to actually understand him, and it’s so disheartening constantly seeing people completely overlook this part of him.

[cozage]

Hey hey hey! It's me again XD I'm here to send you another angst request and you can write it with any OP charaters that you like! The request is how they would react to their s/o dying unexpectedly from an illness but when they kissed them goodbye on the lips, their s/o came back to life and said 'your love is my cure' or other cheesy phrases cuz Idk what to write lol ?

A/N: RAINBOWSTAR HI IVE MISSED YOU I HOPE YOU ARE WELL

Characters: reader x Law, Luffy, Zoro

Cw: reader death, angst

Total word count: 800

True Love's Kiss

Law

He can’t figure out why your heart rate is dropping so fast. He’s done everything he could to try and help you, but nothing is working. 

Your heart stops, and he’s in a full panic now. Immediately starting CPR. Praying to anything and anyone to let you live somehow.

When he presses his lips to yours, he’s desperately hoping for a miracle.

He hesitates just a moment before breathing air into your lungs, and he’s startled to see your eyes fly open.

A gasp escapes your mouth, and he looks at you, unbelieving that you’re really still alive. 

He buries his face in your chest, taking a few uneasy breaths and trying not to cry from the relief of you being okay. 

You comb your fingers through his hair and steady yourself, trying to recall what happened or why he’s reacting this way, until he finally speaks. 

“You died,” he says. His voice is thick with tears, which you try your best to ignore. If Law is crying, then it must’ve been serious. 

“You saved me,” you reply. You don’t feel like you have just died. Just like you woke up from a really long nap. 

“No, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do any-“

“I’m alive now aren’t I?” You ask. “I guess your lips really can heal anything”.

He’s so thankful that you’re alive, he doesn’t even respond to your stupid joke 

Luffy

He’s shaking you, begging you to come back to him. He’s screaming and sobbing and impossible to console.

Zoro tries to pull him away so Chopper can treat you, but Luffy knows. He’s been here before. 

Chopper knows too. Everyone knows. So they just sit and watch their captain fall apart. 

He’s clutching you to his chest, he doesn’t want anyone else near you or touching you. He’s still sobbing, but it’s growing softer into whimpers.

He gives you soft kisses across your face, silent pleas for you to wake up. His lips finally meet yours, a final goodbye to you.

A soft gasp escapes your lips, and the entire crew takes back a step in shock. 

“Luffy?” You groan, still pressed against him so tightly it hurts. “You’re crushing me.”

He just holds you tighter, returning to hard sobbing again. “Stay with me,” he chokes out. “Please don’t die.”

“That’s impossible,” Chopper whispers. “Y/N was dead.”

You take a second to process. “I guess a true love's kiss brought me back.”

“If I give you more, you better live forever,” Luffy says, covering you in even more kisses. 

Zoro

He carries your limp body to Chopper, begging him to fix you. But he knows it’s too late. He doesn’t know what you were hit by, but he knew when he pressed his head against your chest, your heart was still. 

He lays you on the ground for Chopper to run an examination. Chopper confirms his worst fear. It was too late.

He holds you, running his hands through your hair, whispering words of apologies to you. He blames himself, of course. He wasn’t strong enough to keep you safe. 

He presses his lips into your forehead first, taking a deep inhale to try and remember your smell. He’s having trouble accepting the fact he’ll never smell your shampoo again, never see your smile. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

He moves his lips down to yours, giving you one last kiss as a goodbye. He pulls away to find your eyes staring at him, scared to see him so sad.

He drops you in shock, his face contorting into a weird mix of confusion and joy. He doesn’t know how to feel or what’s going on, and you're just as confused. 

“What the hell?” he yelled, prompting Chopper to look up and see you alive and well. The reindeer screams while you look at your boyfriend in confusion. 

“What?” you ask, irritated that was his reaction to kissing you.

Zoro just stares at you, mouth agape. You can see his eyes are still watery, and the two of you stare at each other for a few seconds until Chopper screams. “You were dead, Y/N! Really dead!”

“No I wasn’t,” you shoot back, trying to hide your panic. 

“You were,” Zoro whispered. He lunged at you, his lips pressing against yours for a long time. 

You finally push him off of you, gasping for air. “Damn, Zoro! Don’t kill me again!” you said, feigning a coughing fit. “Although, I guess you could, as long as you bring me back with another kiss, mmkay?”

Before he has the chance to say something snarky back, you lean in for another kiss, and he happily accepts it. 

[mintmatcha]

cw: a weird vent piece lol, suicide mention, no quirks au, mentally ill reader

You always fuck with your shirt on. You'd wear more, if you could, but you haven't figured out how to do it with your pants on yet.

You pull the sheets over your sweat chilled legs and hope he didn't notice the spots you missed shaving. If he did, Natsuo doesn't seem to mind. His arm is tucked under your head, muscle fibers occasionally twitching underneath you and turning the soft mass dense.

Sometimes, Natsuo keeps his shirt on too. Neither of you have ever asked the other about it; there's a mutual understanding when a hand is stopped.

"Do you work tonight?" he asks.

You shake your head as his body relaxes deeper into the mattress.

"I'm gonna do laundry if you want to throw your stuff in," he mumbles, "I'll get you junk to sleep in."

The medical textbooks he was studying are still on the floor, flipped to random pages of different cycles and tissues, abandoned in exchange for you. If Natsuo fails his midterms, it'll be your fault. If he passes, he'll be leaving the city next semester for his hospital rotations.

Part of you wants him to fail. It's that dirty, evil part that no one else seems to have, the part you try to starve, but it keeps growing anyway. It nips at you whenever the room gets too quiet.

It's teeth are extra sharp today.

"You're so sweet." You speak into his skin, "I don't know how you're still single."

A sharp inhale is sucked through his teeth, cutting through his smile. Natsuo takes in all of your features and you know he's wondering why you're saying these things-- why you're purposefully bringing this up.

"Well, sweetie-" His tone is light, like he's avoiding stepping on glass, stepping on glass. With every word, he walks his fingers on your arm, spanning from elbow to shoulder, "I'm only single because you keep turning me down."

The overhead fan whizzes. The part you try to starve sinks its teeth into your chest.

"Natsuo, we've talked about this," you say, "I don't date."

You sit up and swing a leg over him, straddling his hips. A trail of white hair runs down his stomach and down under the sheets, disappearing where the two of you meet. He holds you by the hem of your tee, just tight enough to hold you in place.

"Would it be so bad?" he whispers.

"Here's what would happen, alright?" You brush your fingers through his sweat touched hair and it bounces right back into place the second you pull away. It makes you giggle a bit and he mirrors you, an unsure, foolish optimism in his eyes, "Let's just say I met this wonderful, beautiful boy and tricked-"

"Tricked?" he scoffs.

"Tricked him into loving me." You want to kiss him, but it feels cruel for both of you. Instead, you just cup his jaw in your hands and cradle him, letting the weight of him slump into your palms, "He'd treat me right and bring me home to meet his parents, 'cause he was raised right and, even though he's really smart, he'd think he's in love."

Fingers squeeze at your hips.

"But the second I left, his parents would tell him that he deserves someone prettier and smarter and, and, and better," you say, "And they'd be right."

“My mom’s nice," He drops your pretense with a whisper, ruining your not so careful charade. “She wouldn’t say that.”

He doesn’t mention his dad. There’s a silent sentence there. One that says, “But he might.” It’s hard to keep your brain from sticking to that point, from sticking your thumb into this metaphorical soft spot.

“I mean, she wouldn’t say it out loud, but she’d think it," you say, “She’d sit there and think ‘that girl's not good enough for my son' and she'd be right."

He scoff he lets out is uneasy, almost a songed laugh, more pained than annoyed. "My mom is nice."

This conversation is hurting him, but you can't stop yourself.

"And they'd tell you to break up with me, but you wouldn't listen to them, 'cause you're head strong like that. You'd probably date me in spite of them for while," you ramble, "But then you'd go away and you'd meet some pretty, normal girl and you'd realize they were right. They were always right. I was right."

The overhead fan whizzes.

"So, it's better if I just don't date at all,"

Natsuo's grip dissolves and you think you see it then - the moment whatever is between you dies. A hollowness passes over his features, empty eyes and sucked cheeks, as he ducks his head down to rest his face against your chest. Chin against the soft of your tits, he seems farther away than ever.

You could gloat. You could cry. You're a self-fulfilling prophecy once again.

Natsuo sighs and his words slip so easily from him that you almost don't process what he's saying. "You're so sad. I wish you'd get help."

That catches you off guard. The control over this conversation is ripped away, your curtain drops, and you suddenly feel very, horribly seen.

"What?" You try to laugh it off, leaning back to escape the way he watches you.

"Sometimes I wake up and you're not here," he says, "And I worry that's the last time I'll ever see you."

You understand the implication.

"I'm not gonna kill myself." It might be the truth, you think.

"Yeah," His arms wrap around your waist again, snaking the air from your lungs, "Touya promised me that too."

Touya is only ever mentioned over too many beers and tears you're not allowed to remember the next morning. He was only 16, only a couple years older than Natsuo, but the ghosts still linger to this day, always tucked into the back of the room, stalking, haunting.

Natsuo comes from money and fame. His apartment is paid for by his father. He's never had to work to afford food. At first, you resented him for that; you wanted that ease and safety his family afforded him.

But everything comes at a cost. Every unhappy family is unhappy in there own ways.

"I'm sorry that you keep loving things that break." That is the truth. You're just the end of a line of his mistakes, starting all the way at mom and dad and trailing through every girlfriend ever since.

"I do love you. And it's not despite the fact you're 'broken'," Natsuo takes your hand with a resounding firmness. It reminds you of that thing they say about golden retrievers; the smart ones can hold an egg in their jaws without shattering the shell. Natsuo holds you like he understands you in some deep, intrinsic way, "Or because of it or whatever."

He doesn't look away, those bright, wide eyes bluer than ever.

"I just like all your little pieces." He kisses your knuckles one by one, trailing from thumb to pinkie to thumb again.

The room is silent. The bad part of you is no longer begging to eat. Maybe it's full for now, but you know it's just out of focus, stalking in the dark, biding its time.

"You should study." You slip from him and reclaim your own space in the bed. After a long, simple pause, Natsuo gets up himself, collecting his boxers from the floor.

"Yeah," he says, "You're right."

The hurt you've caused is no longer comfortable to live in. Your mouth is dry, thirsty for a change you're not sure how to make. Recovery feels like a big leap-- loving and being loved feels every farther away.

All you can do is shuffle your feet against the sheets and take the tiniest step towards normalcy.

"Do you want to get brunch tomorrow before your classes?" you offer your olive branch, your silent promise, "I'll pay."

He weighs this, measuring it for sincerity, then smiles just wide enough your get a glimpse of teeth.

"Let me get you something to sleep in."

For now, it's enough.

[eoieopda]

one to ten | jww

summary: your roommate may not know how to help you feel better, but that won’t stop him from trying. pairing: jeon wonwoo x reader au: roommates to ?, pining, sick fic type: drabble (hurt/comfort, fluff) rating: pg13 — still, minors do not have my consent to interact with my content. cw: gn!spoonie!reader; downbad!best boi!super shy!roommate!wonu; chronic illness/pain is implied but no diagnosis is specified; hand-holding 👁️👄👁️; barely proofread because brain fog, lol. a/n: this is super self-indulgent and based on my own personal experience with chronic illness (fibromyalgia), so it may be different than yours!! wc: 1k

Wonwoo isn’t psychic, but he knows that something is up the second he gets home from work.

Walking through the door of your shared apartment, he moves immediately to deposit his keys on the nearby hook and finds that yours are already there. Odd, he thinks, given your habit of imposing your own overtime. Your commute is shorter than his, and you still never beat him back here.

He looks down as he toes off his shoes, carefully maneuvering them across the mat to avoid both your heels and your sneakers, which don’t seem to have budged since this morning. Wonwoo frowns. It’s rare for you to skip out on the gym at the end of the day, but it’s unheard of for you to miss work — even when you should, in his non-expert opinion.

That’s a bit of a red flag, he’ll admit.

Wonwoo locks the door behind him, pads off across the kitchen and through the adjoining living room, and eventually stops at your bedroom door. It’s cracked open — a secret code of yours, he’s learned. One that means you don’t want to be alone, but you feel the need to warn him about what’s on the other side. Usually, it’s you, deflated in your bed in a way that you find embarrassing. Still, even on your worst days, he’s never seen you look bad. 

He’s not convinced that you could if you tried.

Softly, Wonwoo raps his knuckles against the doorframe to warn you. In response, he gets a muffled, “Hello?” It wraps around his heart and squeezes just a little. He loves that about you; how gentle your voice is when everything else you’re experiencing feels the opposite.

You lift your head up just enough to make eye contact with him as he slips through the doorway, and you smile. If it aches to do so, you pretend like it doesn’t.

He clears his throat awkwardly. “Hey.”

Admittedly, this is the part that Wonwoo feels he’s worst at. He’s never quite sure what to ask or what he can do to help, always simultaneously afraid of being patronizing or too hands-off. It’s a balancing act; his equilibrium is off.

And, god, he’s so shy when it comes to you. He can’t make himself act on any of the comforting impulses he absolutely has, so he simply pauses at the end of your bed and sweeps his eyes over your frame. A triage of sorts, he supposes.

You’re on your right side, hugging a hot water bottle, and there’s a Munchlax plush between your knees to keep them separated. Your left hip hurts, he guesses. It’s probably safe to assume that the rest of you does, too. Crinkling his nose as he thinks, he asks, “One to ten?”

Another code. 

Wonwoo has to adjust the scale when you answer — three — because your three is his eleven. The good news isn’t lost on him, though: Your pain was a six during the last flare. Things may not be great, but they’ve definitely been worse.

“Mostly just tired,” you sigh, as if you can hear the calculations he’s running in his head. “I was this close —” You lift an arm and pull your thumb and index finger in so that they’re almost touching. “— to making it out the door this morning.” 

Dropping your arm again slowly, you pat the space next to you in silent invitation. Wonwoo’s body hesitates, even though his pulse doesn’t. It’s par for the course, unfortunately for him.

He wonders how many moments like this need to pass before his palms don’t sweat anymore. Will filling the spot next to you on your bed, on the couch, or even in your passenger seat ever not affect him like this?

Maybe not.

He’s okay with that, so long as you keep giving him the opportunity.

You laugh, and it single-handedly diffuses the tension in his posture. “I think the side of the bathtub got taller. I almost had to yell for you to haul me out of there, but I managed.”

“Proud of you.” He’s chuckling now, too, but that doesn’t undermine how much he means it. Getting your body to cooperate with you is always hardest in the mornings.

For what it’s worth, he would’ve come running if you’d called.

Carefully, Wonwoo sits down on the vacant side of your bed and scoots closer to you, knowing you’ll call him out for leaving distance and anticipating how badly he'll blush if you do. It’s so much easier for you to be close to people than it is for him, but he’s trying. 

He hopes you see that.

There’s a microscopic wince when you wiggle your way towards him. It’s replaced quickly by a satisfied little grin once you settle, your body curving around his bent knee like a puzzle piece slotting into place.

“You always run warm,” you muse. “I’m jealous.”

Wonwoo blinks, a little dumbfounded that you’ve noticed — not that he should be, really. He’s obviously picked up on a lot of trivia about you since you took over his former roommate’s lease several months back. If he knows the order of your skin care routine, it’s not weird for you to know that he can’t sleep without a fan on.

Should he have noticed this about you by now?

Curiosity makes him bold, apparently. He pulls his palm off the mattress and touches his fingertips to the back of your hand. “Goddamn,” he whistles. 

His hypothesis is proven the second he touches you — you’re freezing — but Wonwoo admittedly gets a kick out of the temperature disparity. He can’t help but run the pads of his fingers absentmindedly over your skin, tracing nonsense patterns. You can’t help the pleased hum that slips out of you as you watch his ministrations; or the way your heavy eyelids start to interrupt your view. 

Even when he’s sure you’ve been lulled to sleep, Wonwoo keeps doodling. It’s got to be exhausting to exist in a body that always aches, and you deserve whatever rest you can get. Truth be told, he could probably stay like this for hours if that would help. He’d be doing the same thing at his PC, anyways, holding a mouse instead of your hand.

Yeah, he thinks, this is a much better set-up.

[guttednights]

your bar.

You've worked in the same bar for the past 3 years. It's fairly common for military men to come in and get drinks together. It's always soap, gaz, price, and the one in a mask.

One night you finally speak to the guy in the skull mask. "your name is?" as he looks at you, his cold eyes lighten.

"ghost," he said gruffly when soap elbowed him, he shot soap a glare and sighed making eye contact with you. "Simon. simon Riley." he gruffs.

you can't help but smile. "well then Simon Riley. want your usual?"

"Please," he says coldly

you and your friend spent the rest of the night talking about simon. "god i dont know what it is about him but." "jeez.."

"oh ew! shut up" your friend replies walking to the other side of the bar

you giggle "ah cmon, its not as nasty as you and your thing for that old one.

she giggles. "price is hot because hes a gentle man. simon just looks like he could hurt anyone."

"thats what i like" "feels like hed go to jail for me"

She rolls her eyes "okay mrs delusional."

the next few days some tension between you and simon grew. he cant keep his eyes off you. your literal eyecandy to him. and you notice.

"sarah he keeps staring" you say entering the back to "refill something"

she squeals. "girl hes so into you!"

you roll your eyes, "oh whatever."

Later that night soap walks up to the bar,

"hey y/n, you know my big friend Simon? ya he wants ye number"

your heart practically stops beating. "uh.. yeah sure here" You quickly write it on a napkin and hand it to him. you watch as soap runs away like a schoolgirl giggling to Simon as he hands it to him.

the whole rest of the night you were shocked. The big huffy man you think is hot wanted your number?

around 2 am you jolt awake as your phone buzzes. you grab your phone, its him.

"hey gorgeous its simon, or "big masked man"

"Hi simon" god you cant believe this is happening is this real?

"you should be asleep. what you doing up?"

ur heart flutters, (GOING FERAL LIKE YES PLS BOSS ME AROUND) "couldnt sleep"

"any reason why?"

(yes Simon ur the reason why) "nope no praticular reason why, just one of those nights."

"alright. want to get coffee tomorrow?"

"coffee?!" you think to yourself "Omg it's happening.."

"id love to get coffee"

"great. ill see you at happy cafs tomorrow at 9 am."

"see you there"

your freaking out literally, the man of your literal dreams is asking to go out on a coffee date?! Is it a date..?

"is this considered a date?" you text him a few minutes later

"yes, sweetheart. it's considered a date lol"

you throw your phone across the room screaming and kicking your feet. you can't sleep the rest of the night. too busy thinking about what to wear. finally at 6 am you give up and hit the shower, then walk to your closet. "god do I wear a dress? jeans hoodie?" finally you decide on a long-sleeved black dress, perfect for winter. you straighten your hair, do your makeup, and hype yourself up.

8:55 and you're a minute away from the cafe when u see him pull up. your heart drops. you're so excited yet so nervous, u practically black out until you bump into him.

"op, watch out there" he chuckles, "looking at your feet while you walk sweetheart or?"

you chuckle, "Sorry lost in my thoughts." sweetheart?! You can't help but blush as he puts his hand on the lower part of your back and directs you inside. you both sit down at a booth and a waitress comes over. you both order and wait.

you can't help but stare at him, even tho you haven't seen his face his eyes just capture you.

"I'm not gonna lie, sweetheart,. I can't keep my eyes off you at the bar,"

"might as well claim ye before you are no longer available" he smirks as you blush and look away

you spend the next 3 hours just talking getting to know him. And before you know it, (in a few weeks of course) you are dating, officially his. the man of your dreams is officially yours.

side notes: i dont know if i like this tbh. it feels really long and i almost lost what else to say. if u want a part 2 (MAYBE SMUTTY VERS. i can do it lmk!!!)

[runningfrom2am]

cold nights // part eighteen

summary: you showed him colours he knows he can't see with anyone else.

pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader

wc: 3.8k

masterlists / nav / requests

tags/warnings: tribute!reader and mentor!coriolanus, r is very sweet (too kind for this world. literally.), sunshine x grumpy trope kinda, he falls first, violence typical for the source material, depictions of mental illness, also she's is very smart (as she should), district twelve!reader.

a/n: hiii posting this early bc bestie and i are ab to start a 24 hour readathon! if i'm not active for the next day, that would be why. anyway wish us luck!! also i didn't edit this as thoroughly as i should have so i'm sorry lol

my asks are also open to talk about this series! (i do have emoji anons open now too!)

send me any and all of your thoughts! here!

series masterlist // playlist

You called out of work indefinitely, after that. You didn't want to quit, you wanted to love your job and you honestly couldn't see yourself doing anything else but right now, you just couldn't. Luckily, the girls who worked down at the library were incredibly understanding according to Lennox, who was sent to deliver your letter of leave and apology.

It had been close to a week when you finally ventured out to the back porch to read rather than rotting in bed all day staring at the ceiling. Your mother made you tea, and insisted she come sit with you. You enjoyed the company.

"Would you like to talk about it?" She asks, just as you're turning the page. Under normal circumstances, you'd resort to Romeo and Juliet, but now you feel like you couldn't stomach it. So, Much Ado About Nothing would have to suffice.

"I'm okay, Ma." You say softly, giving a slight shake over your head as your eyes fly over the faded lettering on the page.

"Lennox told us what happened, you know." She adds after a beat of silence.

You look up at her, frowning. "I'm sorry. He wasn't supposed to tell anyone."

"Don't be, dear." She shakes her head quickly, gently resting a hand on your thigh. "I wish you had told us. I wouldn't have invited him in that day, I could have told you he stopped by and we could have made a plan. I shouldn't have sprung that on you."

You sigh, pursing your lips and closing your book. "I didn't want you to dislike him, that's why I didn't tell you. I thought... I wanted to come home with at least something positive to talk about. And I thought that if I gave it enough time, thinking positively about him, I could try to contact him without seeing... that."

She smiles sadly at you. "You really love him, huh?"

"How could I not?" You admit quietly, staring at the cover of the book on your lap. "He was the first person there to show me kindness, to make me feel like I wasn't alone." You explain. "It felt... Like Romeo and Juliet. Star-crossed lovers, because of course I didn't think I could really have him. I was living in a dream, in a way."

"And now?" She prompts you to continue, thrilled that you are finally opening up.

"Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps."

She chuckles, gently rubbing your leg. "So that's a yes, then."

"How I wish it was not." You groan, reaching for your cup to drown your predicament in tea.

"Your brother," She sighs, gently removing the book from your lap. "came home that night just... just shaking with anger. And he looked me and your father in the eyes and said he was going to kill Coriolanus. He was set on it." She explains, and you look at her.

"He said that?" You ask, and she nods.

"I could see it in his eyes, he meant it, and we were so confused. Because, after all, it had been Coriolanus and Sejanus who came to the door seeking help for you, and your father told me Coryo looked like a ghost- bless him." She chuckles slightly.

"What I mean is... Your brother is not immune to violence, either. He would hurt someone for you, I know it. Just because you don't wish him to, doesn't mean he doesn't love you so much that he would do anything." You mull over her statement, chewing passively on your lip. "And boys... boys just do things differently than you and I would. Or Lucy Gray would. I bet if you asked her about Billy Taupe, Tam Amber, or little Clerk Carmine, that she'd tell you they've all had their moments. But boys aren't treated fair in this life, so sometimes, they don't fight fair."

"Coriolanus killed someone, Ma."

"Why?" She asks. "Lennox told me you saw it. Why did he kill that boy?"

"Because..." You shake your head. "He was trying to kill him, first."

"Okay, well-"

"But that I can understand, given the circumstances." You quickly explain, guilt settling in your stomach like a weight as you put your mug back down. "It was after. Bobbin had so clearly already passed on, and he hit him again. It was anger, and it was not necessary. A waste of precious time he didn't have but he did it anyway and that... that scared me."

She hums, listening to you intently. "If it helps, dear, and this is my honest feelings... I still think he is a good man, with a good heart." She says. "I know what you've seen is... gosh, it's unfathomable, and I wish I could take that pain from you, but I really do think that if you still feel anything for him you should talk to him."

Your eyes snap up to hers, and you look scared.

"I've only met him once, but gosh, the way he looks at you, and how he spoke about you, he thinks you put the stars in the sky." She grins, trying to relax you by taking your hand. "No problems have ever solved by hiding. And even if you turn out to be correct, that he's never been who you thought he was, you'll get peace by having answers. And even so, he deserves that peace too."

"I... I'll think about it." You nod softly, reaching for your book again.

"Hello? Boys?" Lucy Gray calls out, walking into the small house Coryo and Sejanus have been occupying.

"In here!" Sejanus calls back, and she follows his voice into the small kitchen where he's attempting to make something to eat.

"Ooh, what's for lunch?" She asks, sitting herself down at the dining room table.

"Eggs... I think." Sejanus laughs. Lucy Gray had been coming by to try and keep them company, and she did really like spending time with Sejanus. Coryo didn't have a whole lot to say, though.

"Yum." She giggles, sitting up straight to look into the pan. "Where's Coriolanus?"

"Guess."

"On the back porch staring at the trees?"

"Pretty much."

Lucy Gray sighs, pushing herself up. "Okay, well, The Covey and I are going to the lake tomorrow. It's a hike out, but it's beautiful. You guys should come."

"I'll be there, but I don't know if we can convince blondie." Sejanus nods toward the back door.

"Oh, I'll convince him." She smiles smugly, brushing past him and out the door.

Lucy Gray finds out quickly that apparently she had guessed wrong- he was sitting on the porch, like he had been every day, but today he was reading rather than just staring out at the mountains. "What are ya readin'?" She asks, standing in front of him.

"Nothing that's any of your business." He grumbles, not looking up from the pages of the worn down book.

She leans over him, attempting to read it upside down. "Ah." She grins. "Romeo and Juliet? Good choice."

"What do you need, Lucy Gray?" He asks, closing the book and glaring up at her.

"I've come to extend and invitation to you, we're all going to the lake tomorrow. I think you should come."

"No, thank you."

She rolls her eyes, arms crossed over her chest. "You didn't chop off all those beautiful gold curls just so you could never see Y/N again, did you?"

His eyes visibly brighten at that, only for a moment. "She's going?" This was the chance he was waiting for. He intended to go to your house that following morning, maybe pick up flowers on the way, a book, or some kind of peace offering, but Sejanus and Lucy Gray shut that down very quickly. Even though he cut his hair almost as soon as he got back to this dump they called a house, they said you still needed time.

"Mhm." Lucy Gray nods, smiling at him knowingly. "She hasn't been working, so I was able to book her for the day."

Had Lucy Gray talked to you about this yet? No. But she knew it would do him some good to get away from this house for a day, whether you were there or not, and she knew that deep down you would want to see him again. A group setting was the best way to do this for everyone. She knew he would be easy to convince, but getting you to agree would be the hard part.

"Okay, okay yeah. I'll come." Coryo nods, looking down. He doesn't know what to do with himself, but he feels like he should be doing something to prepare somehow.

"She's still... sensitive. So be nice."

"I have never not been nice to her."

"Never said you have." Lucy Gray raises an eyebrow at him. "I meant be careful. She may not want to talk to you. I won't tell her you're coming so I can at least get her out the door."

"Why not?" Coryo asks, immediately knowing how stupid that sounds when Lucy Gray lets out a laugh. "I mean, I don't want to scare her off, so she should know. Please be honest with her." He pleads.

Lucy Gray's eyes soften at that. "Okay, you're right. But I'm not tellin' you if she says no. You still have to come." She points at him and he sighs.

"Okay, whatever. Sure."

"You're both just rotting and making it worse for yourselves. You need to get out." She says as she walks back inside, leaving him alone to read.

Coryo smiles to himself as he picks the book up again, continuing where he left off even though he's already read it five or six times.

"You're gonna be fine just fine, Y/N/N. I promise." Lucy Gray assures you as you walk down the path toward the forest where the Covey and Sejanus were waiting. With Coryo.

"I won't let him near ya." Lennox adds, kicking a rock aside as he walks in front of you and your friend.

"Whatever you want, sweetheart. If you want space, tell him. I talked to him about this. He knows not to push you." Lucy Gray whispers to you and you nod, teeth digging into the softness of your cheek.

"I know." You say quietly, arm wrapped around hers. You loved going to the lake, and you've been a couple of times since you've been back, but you'd be lying if you said you weren't hesitant to bring him with you. If it goes poorly, you don't know if you could ever go back.

"Yeah, I gave him a stern talkin' to. Put the fear of god in him, he'll be on his best behaviour." She giggles.

"You didn't actually scare him, did you?" You laugh nervously.

"Of course I did." She says, but you know she's just joking.

"Is Billy Taupe coming?" You ask her after a moment.

Your friend wrinkles up her nose and shakes her head. "No, lord, no." She chuckles. "He's off with that Mayfair. Real class act, they are."

You giggle, squeezing her arm. You take it as they're broken up, at least for now. "I'm sorry, Lucy Gray." You add and feel her shrug under your grip.

"I'm done with him this time." She tells you, shaking her head. "I can't trust him no more."

"One foot in sea and one on shore." You comment and she looks at you, a smile pulling on her lips as she gently pulls you closer, leaning her head on your shoulder.

"Y/N!" Maude Ivory greets the two of you first, running up and throwing her arms around your waist. You jump slightly at the sudden contact, making every effort to catch her with nothing more than a slight gasp and a smile. "I've missed you!"

"Hello, dear." You chuckle, running your hands over the length of her blonde hair. "It's only been a couple of weeks, and you do know where to find me."

"Your friend has a gift for you, come on." She grins, letting you go only to grab your hand and pull you up the rest of the hill.

When Coryo sees you, his instinct is to push his hair back out of his face. That can't happen, so he settles for shifting on his feet and gripping the flower he's holding in his hand as you avoid his gaze and he avoids your brothers. Of course you would hide from him- he doesn't fault you for it. You were nervous, he could tell. And of course Lucy Gray neglected to tell him that Lennox was coming, though, he understood why.

He just wished you were angry at him. That would be far preferable to you being afraid.

"Y/N, hi." Sejanus greets you and you smile at him, giving a quiet wave as you adjust your bag over your shoulder. You packed your book and a blanket with some cherries you picked from the tree behind your house to share with everyone. You can see in your peripheral vision that Coryo has gotten a haircut, but you can't bring yourself to look at him just yet. Or comment on it.

"Alright, let's get movin'! The sun is only up for so long." Lucy Gray claps, not forcing you to have to say hi to Coriolanus before she's urging the group on.

Coryo looks at you as everyone else starts walking, and you nod through everyone to go ahead of you. You hate the idea of having people behind you that you can't see.

Then, finally, your eyes land on him. He smiles, hoping you would want to walk with him.

"Go ahead." You say softly, quickly looking up ahead and Lennox has stopped to wait for you.

"Oh, uh, this is for you." Coryo takes a step closer, holding the yellow daisy out to you that he picked on the walk out. Apparently, you didn't want to walk with him- you just didn't want him behind you. That was a thousand times worse.

You look down at it for a moment, reminding yourself quickly to take it instead of just staring. "Thank you." You reply quietly, delicately plucking the flower from his hold.

"Yeah, of course." He grins, not wanting to give up your attention just yet. "I... I'm really glad you agreed to come."

"It'll be nice. The lake is beautiful." You tell him, glancing over at your brother.

"Come on!" He calls out, impatient. "They're gonna leave us in the dust."

You hold back a sigh as you feel Coryo's eyes on you. You guess you will be walking with him, after all. "Coming!" You smile at him.

It's fine- he's fine. He won't hurt me.

You look up at Coryo, and his eyes are still on you. "Shall we?" He grins, gesturing to the path ahead of you.

Okay, he looks normal. His eyes are normal. Blue, sky blue. Gentle.

"Let us go." You grin at him, holding tightly onto the strap of your bag as it rests across your chest. You look back down at your feet as you walk, mindful of the roots and sticks that may trip or scratch you. You spare a glance at his feet as he joins your side on the narrow path.

Lucy Gray knew that even with her warning that Coryo would likely corner you, but she kept a close eye on you even from up ahead while she talked to Sejanus and practically dragged Lennox along with them so he would give you at least a little bit of space.

You walk in silence for a long time. The trees get thicker as you separate from the meadow and the town, isolating you only further, but you didn't feel unsafe. Not really.

Coryo would take what he could get, but he had to try to talk to you eventually. When he planned out this trip in his head the night before they were set to board the train, he had hoped that the days and nights would be spent together. That you'd say you understood, that you were happy and okay and yes! You would love to take him to the lake you frequented, just the two of you, and 'Oh, we should bring a picnic and just spend the whole day there. It will be so much fun!' And he'd get to see your smile without it quickly fading and he could hold your hand and get that second kiss that he never thought he would receive and everything would be perfect.

He never considered himself much of a dreamer, but something about you made that change. After he got to feel his lips on yours, then on the soft skin of your shoulder and his hands on your waist or locked in yours, there was no going back. He was all yours.

"So," He starts talking after only about an hour of walking. You were almost there, so you took a sharp breath in. You could talk for forty minutes. You could do it. And you wanted to, you remind yourself. "This is quite a hike, isn't it?"

"Oh, yes." You nod. "But we aren't far out now. It's worth it, I promise." You say, eyes still locked on the ground just in front of you.

"Don't get me wrong, it's a beautiful walk, just... long." He comments. "And lots of bugs."

"Yes..." You chuckle nervously.

"What's it like?" He asks, desperate just to continue to hear your voice,

"The lake?" You ask, risking a look up at him. His lips form into a smile and he nods, urging you on. "Well," You swallow, trying to organize every detail you remember from last summer, before the games. "The water is very blue, and quite clear. There's a dock, we have the most fun jumping off of it."

Coryo watches your expression intently, trying to inhale every word. You pause, and your face lights up with remembered joy. "My Pa put a rope swing up here for us kids when we were young, and a few summers ago I went to take it- I climbed as far back up as I could before jumping. Then, I felt the branch jerk and I grabbed it tighter, it ended up wrapped around my leg on the way down and I got stuck." You recall the injury, but you're almost laughing. "I got this massive red burn all up the inside of my thigh, and then Lennox ripped the thing down." You giggle, and Coryo swallows. "He was joking, just pretending to even though it was my own fault, but the branch broke clean off and me and Lucy Gray tried to jump out of the way and ended up falling straight into the water."

He laughs with you at that, shaking his head. "Well, I hope your leg wasn't serious." He watches you and you're quick to shake your head.

"No, gosh no." You giggle. "Not worth pulling the whole thing down over, but it wouldn't have been kind to the next kid who swung- that's for sure. So it was probably for the best."

"Fair enough." He shrugs, eyes still glued onto you.

"I'd rather get a burn then have that big ol' thing fall on Maude Ivory or CC. They were just little at the time." He nods. That sounds just like you.

"So you've been friends for a long time, I take it?"

"Well, yes. Since they got stuck here, pretty much."

"Stuck here?" Coryo asks, looking up ahead at the group that was still just within sight.

You look up as well, just to make sure they weren't in earshot. "The Covey isn't District." You explain, voice lowered. "They used to travel everywhere to perform, but then when they got here peacekeepers rounded them up. Executed all their parents, and the kids got stuck here." You tactically leave out the part about his father being the commanding officer at the time.

"Oh."

"I think that's why Lucy Gray can't get over Billy Taupe." You add quietly, watching your friend as she laughs with Sejanus up ahead. "He's one of them, they have so much history. They're on and off, but she'll never abandon him. Not when they've been through so much together. They're the oldest- they've had to take care of the rest of them for almost their whole lives."

Coryo doesn't know what to say. "That's... yeah. I can imagine it would be hard to move on when they're so tied to each other."

You hum in agreement. "Anyway, we met when they were begging outside the market. They set their instruments up and were playing for tips just so they could eat, so my parents stopped and invited them for dinner. They've been with us ever since."

"Your parents are really good people." He comments.

You look up at him, a small smile tugging at your lips. "I told you that, didn't I?"

"Well, you told me they weren't rebels. That doesn't mean they're saints." He jokes.

"Feels like anyone less than a saint these days is considered a rebel for one reason or another." You argue, but there's no harshness at all behind your tone.

"Regardless, your parents are safe." He says, hoping that you've forgotten about his father being a peacekeeper general.

"Well, thank you." You laugh slightly, shaking your head. "How is Tigris, by the way? And your Grandmother? Have you spoken to them since you've been away?"

"I've called a few times, yeah. They're doing well." Coryo smiles. "Tigris is taking some time off, she's working on some different projects at home."

"I'm glad to hear that." You smile. "They must be missing you."

"So they say, yeah." He chuckles.

"It's hard to be away from home." You tell him. "I know it all too well."

His smile drops steadily, but he just nods. "Yes. At least I have the guarantee of returning."

You try so hard to steer every conversation you have away from the games, but it never seems to work. People have so many questions, so many comments, and it's a shame that Coryo is no exception. You suppose that was inevitable. He's one of very few people who somewhat know what you went through.

You really wish you had met him some other way.

"I'm sorry." He quickly apologizes, sensing your shifted energy. "That was... I shouldn't have said that."

"No, no. It's okay." You insist. "I just... Everyone wants to talk about it all the time. I can't escape it."

"I should have known better. I'm sorry." He says again, taking in a deep breath. "I wanted to be different. I try so hard to not make you think about it and I should have remembered that before I said anything, I just-"

You shake your head, frowning as you look up at him. "I wouldn't expect you to." You tell him. "If I'm honest, you're the one person I think I am okay with discussing it with."

Coryo has to fight back the smile threatening to pull at his cheeks from the relief. You weren't planning on never talking to him again. This was a great sign. He opens his mouth to speak when he hears shouting from up ahead.

"We made it!" Lucy Gray cheers, and sure enough, he can see the lake appearing through the trees.

"Coryo, you gotta see this!" Sejanus's voice follows.

"We made it." You smile, happy to change the subject. "Come on, the water is going to feel so good."

Then, you're jogging up ahead of him and pulling your bag off to leave on the dock.

taglist: @soulessjourney , @that-veela-girl ,  @dreamyysouls, @rockstarbfs , @maysileeewrites , @baybieruth , @kitscutie ,  @fratboyharrysgf0201 , @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @drewsandsebastianswife , @niicole-87 , @queenofshinigamis , @innercreationflower , @nallasstuff , @scorpiolystoned , @iovemoonyy , @thatmarvelchick19 , @wearemadeofstardust0 , @regulusblackcore , @puredreamagination , @fantasticchaosthing , @becauseseaotters , @secretsicanthideanymore

okay suddenly tumblr isn't letting me tag more people than this so i just made some cuts unfortunately :') i just left the max amount of people i could whose users i recognized and see in my notifs all the time :) if you're not on here and you should be i'm so sorry!

also this taglist is closed now!! if you’d like to get a notification when i update, turn on my post notifications!! i promise i won’t spam y'all :,)

[captainmera]

My God I love your depiction of the Wittebane brother ❤️

Do you think there might have been a chance that your Pip wouldn't kill his brother when Calec goes to Demon Realm? He seems way more tolerable of weirdness and is actually curious about the taboo things. That it makes me wonder if other steps were taken by people around him, maybe he would make different choices and not turned into a brother-killing genocide goop man. Obviously, the blame is still his for what he did, but I can't stop wondering what if.

And him getting along with Evelyn instead of hating her right of the bat is really cute.

Thank you! :D <333

He grew up with this theatrical bisexual of a brother. Pretty sure the reason Belos didn't give a hoot on the Boiling Isles about queer stuff is because he kinda knew, and accepted, that Caleb was kinda queer. In some cases, people can ignore or bend certain rules for people they love. Even disregard them or pretend they don't apply or exist.

(long rant about writing and narrative foils and blah blah under the cut)

Unlike Caleb, I think Philip is the sort that only picks-and-chooses whatever rules he feels will supports his personal wants/thoughts and tosses the rest.

Caleb was not hiding it as well as he thought he did. lol.

I think that, sure, there was probably a turning point for Philip.

And absolutely, people around him influenced him. He's just a kid, a vulnerable one at that, in a protestant Christian cult.

I kinda like to think of it as a corruption arc. Mostly because it seems (to me) that the whole reason Luz was meant to have a depression-arc and Philip getting all "YoUrE JuSt LiKe Me!" thing was because.. There was supposed, I think, to be similar beginnings for them.

But Luz, in season 3, got depressed and felt a lot of guilt, so her arc is going from this happy-go-lucky kid interested in different things, to a depression arc where she questions herself. While Philip has a corruption arc, where he gradually goes from a well-meaning kid interested in different things, to evil and delusional.

I am also combining Luz, King, and the Collector into Kid-Philip's themes.

King is fascinating as a pre-narrative foil for kid-Philip. I think. As King was very clingy to Luz and didn't want her to leave, he too had a delusion about his own importance (disregard that it was kinda true in the end there). King tried to dictate (in that book episode) about what his and Luz' book should be about, how it should go, and it really hurt Luz' feelings. In the end, they solved it. But as a narrative foil, I think for the Wittebanes, they probably had a similar struggle on a larger scale, and it didn't get resolved.

The Collector, too! They're desperate to be close with someone, anyone, who gets them and wants to play on their terms. Kinda like Belos wanting him and Caleb to be witch hunters. Not accounting that Caleb is his own person outside of him-- Which, if you think about it, Caleb made his whole life (in my version anyway) about taking care of Philip. So I'm sure Philip felt like he really was Caleb's entire world. And then suddenly he wasn't. Because of a witch. The Collector, despite having this incredible power (just like Pip having his brilliant brain) is still a child and using their power in selfish ways. Not intentionally, I think, just out of a fear of abandonment or isolation.

I personally am in favour of nobody-is-born-evil-but-anyone-can-become-evil kinda thing.

I would like to explore how Philip gets corrupted.

I am slowly influencing Philip in my fanfic with little things that will, eventually, boil down to not so great moments.

The thing about delusions is that the person truly believes in it. Philip believing he's a hero has to make sense and feel believable.

Belos is a jerk. Philip isn't, yet. He becomes that jerk. But I don't want to write a sociopath. I also don't like using less-favourable mental illnesses as an "easy way out" to write why Philip became Belos and a genocidal maniac.

I have strong feelings about de-stigmatizing mental illnesses in writing, without romanticizing them or leaving out the really awful and less discussed sides of it. This includes diagnoses within all the clusters of the DSM5. I will not sit here and say I only support a diagnosis like Autism or GAD, and not things like Histrionic or Borderline.

And including people with MH issues and personality disorders is important, too, as well as not trying to downplay them.

People throw around Belos with things like Narcissism and Psychopath, without actually understanding what those means or what the different types there are. For example, is he a grandiose, oblivious or a fragile narcissist?

Yes, these disorders are looked down upon. A lot of people who have them aren't very nice people. But that doesn't mean they're evil or have no heart.

Lots of children can display early signs of these, and in a rough time like the colonial 1630s of America, it is not unthinkable that those rough times bred some dysfunctional people. I'm sure Philip has his own slices of pie as far as mental health goes, just like Caleb and many other struggling people.

But, I will not write from an angle that implies Philip just has darkness from the start in him.

There's a reason why I had Caleb go on a rant about being born evil in chapter 5. Because puritans, and Christians alike, at the time - truly did believe bastards were just... Half people. Did you know that if an orphanage found out a baby was a bastard, they wouldn't let it suckle the nursery goat's udders. Because they were afraid it would soil the milk and, in turn, might give the non-bastard babies bad influence. Somehow.

With that kind of logic in your culture, it's no rocket science that people would put nonsense together and think it made sense.

I'm much more interested in how puritanism and witch hunting culture influenced and corrupted Philip into becoming who he became, and why he refuses to budge on his beliefs to the point of murder.

As the owl house, the show, has commentary on systems influencing cultures in a bad and positive way. But in particular, the one Belos tries to influence the Demon Realm with; being a not-so-great way. So! With that as a clue: what made Philip turn bad, most likely, was partially the puritanism and its extremist ways. I think TOH is also a bit of a nudge at the HAYS-code of Hollywood and how it has trickled into most all the American culture-core. As it's both trickled into schools, morality, politics and other things outside cinema.

Just pointing at him and going "He's a sociopath because he became a genocidal tyrant" is, to me, cheap. Not only does it further stigmatising mental illnesses by implying only a disorder can make someone do such evil things. But it also disregards the most horrific truth of all; that the true monsters are people not at all unlike yourself. And that they, too, were children once.

[thenyoumightaswellwrestleangels]

Is there hope in us, still? (is there something worth believing in?)

let me wrap my teeth around the world - series masterlist here

pairing: poly marauders x reader (gender neutral)

length: 1.4k

genre: fluff, kinda angsty

warnings: slytherin reader, the good good post summer break mental illness, everybody's having some issues here, there will be a pt.2 next week to give it a happy happy ending but this isn't so bad, it has a hopeful ending on its own

a/n: wowie another one lol hope y'all enjoy <3

Sirius is hollow when he gets back from summer break - quiet and petulant in a way that doesn't suit him anymore, snapping at his peers and pulling away from people's touch. You can't blame him. Especially not when you're feeling the same. You're not quite as showy about it as he is, that constant, underlying desperation to keep it all hidden burning under your skin. Sirius's suffering is loud - loud enough that you always hope it will drown out yours. It never really does, as far as the other two are concerned. 

He shoves towards the door when class ends, likely stalking back to his dorm to hole up for the rest of the evening. James sighs, a hand on Remus' shoulder comfortingly as the boy stares at the doorway where Sirius just was, his brow furrowed in that worried way that he's mastered. 

"We're going to do some studying together in the common room later… see if maybe Pads feels like joining. You're always welcome to come along with us…?" James asks in that gentle way of his, patiently hopeful. You busy yourself with gathering up your books, knowing that if you look at him, you'll crumble. There is love in the way he looks at you, despite everything. You're sure that, if you take notice of it, it would be enough to condemn you these days.

"I'm going to do some work alone tonight," you say shortly, brushing past the two of them. Remus catches your arm as you try to leave, fingers wrapping around your wrist ever so gently. But when you pause, he lets go of you abruptly, like there's something wrong with his touch against yours. This is the beginning, you think. This is where I start to lose you. 

"If you change your mind…" he begins softly. You nod stiffly.

"I'll let you know." James and Remus watch as you leave swiftly, Remus rubbing the palm of his hand against his thigh, as if trying to take back the contact he'd already made with your wrist. This is where it starts, he thinks. This is where you begin to realize that I'm better when I'm left behind.

Remus has to stop himself from startling later that night when he's woken up by a cold hand shaking his shoulder. You hadn't come to study with them that evening, which wasn't surprising, but it hurt something in Remus. James, especially, had deflated, his eyes dull and his hands fidgety while he tried desperately to finish his essay, his thoughts wandering to Sirius and the dark circles under his eyes, the paleness of his skin - and then to you, to the stubborn set of your jaw and the hard look in your eyes. Looking down at his own hands, he wonders what worth they have if he can't even save the people he loves.

Needless to say, the last thing Remus was expecting was to have you in his dorm in the middle of the night, one of Sirius's sweaters shoved hastily over your pajamas as you shook him awake. You place a finger over his lips when he wakes abruptly, climbing up next to him without so much as a word as he fumbles to find his wand on his nightstand, casting a silencing spell over the four-poster bed.

"What's going on, dove?" he asks, his hands itching to hold your face, to smooth his thumbs over the skin of your cheeks and soothe you in some way. But he resists - you're here, in his bed, looking at him like you need him, and the last thing he wants is to overwhelm you and have you scared away. The last thing he can bear to do is put his hands on you, his scars glinting against unblemished skin -  something ruined touching something holy.

"I just… couldn't sleep. I'm not - I haven't been sleeping well these days," you respond, and Remus is sure that if he could see you clearly, if he weren't squinting at you through the dark, you'd be shying away, face tilted away from his eyes, away from any kind of vulnerability.

"Well," he says carefully, reaching out to put a hand on your knee. You don't pull away, to his relief. In fact, you relax a bit into it, letting your posture slouch. "Stay here then, yea?" Much to Remus's delight, that's all it really takes for you to move forward, pulling the blankets back to settle underneath them. He joins you, of course, settling in next to you and letting you decide how much - or how little space to leave between your bodies.

When you reach your hand over, cupping his cheek in your palm and smoothing your thumb over the skin there, he feels a part of him melt in the relief of it, a part of him that didn't realize quite how much he'd missed your touch - your love. He cups his hand over yours, tilting his head to press a series of kisses across your palm. When you continue to let him, sagging further into the pillows, he keeps going, trailing kisses up and down each finger and finishing with your thumb. 

It's then that you pull him closer, tilting your own face up to place your own gentle kiss to his lips before thumping your head against his chest. He lets you, of course, keeping his hand tangled up with yours while the other wraps around you. Before you can sleep, though, he leans close to whisper near your ear.

"James has been wondering where the invisibility cloak disappeared to. I'm sure he'll be pleased to know you're the one who ran off with it." You can't help but smile at his words, your face still pressed against his chest.

"You have so little faith in me, Rem. Not everyone needs the cloak to sneak around in this castle."

"But you did steal it, didn't you?'

"…I'll give it back to him later." Remus huffs out a quiet laugh at your confession, pulling you closer and pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

"You know he doesn't mind," he soothes. You squeeze his hand in thanks where your fingers are still interlocked.

"Goodnight, Rem… and thank you for this."

"No need to thank me, love. I don't mind at all."

Something clatters to the floor on the other side of the locked bathroom floor and Remus frowns, staring at it like he can burn a hole big enough to see Sirius on the other side - to make sure he's ok. James drapes himself over Remus's back where they're sitting on James's bed together, his arms wrapping tightly around his waist. Remus lets him, leaning back against him and feeling James sigh at the weight of it, a bit of tension draining from him.

"Were they really here last night? They really came and spoke with you?" James says, his face buried in Remus's neck, a desperate sort of lilt to his voice. Tell me there is hope, he thinks. Tell me I can fix this, still.

"You saw the note they left, love," Remus lets his eyes settle on his nightstand where you'd left the invisibility cloak, a note folded on top with a simple thank you written in it, a heart scrawled next to it that he recognized as yours. The whole thing almost made up for the fact that, by the time Remus had woken up, you'd already been gone.

"Do you think… things will be better now? At least a bit? Were things better last night?" James asks, his arms tightening around Remus's waist. Remus, in an act of reassurance, wraps his fingers around one of James's hands and squeezes gently as Sirius stalks out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and stomping away.

"I do think things are getting better. It's… slower than you and I would like, I know. But all we can is love them - and that, my dear Prongs, I know you can do." James grumbles something unintelligible at the compliment, his face still hidden from view. Remus is sure that, if he could see it, he'd be greeted by the flushed red of James's cheeks. He settles for bringing one of his hands up to press kisses across it, instead, content to bring a bit of hope back to the person he loves - to do something good with this body of his. 

There is hope, he thinks, in this love they all share. There is something here to fight for, still.

[writingstoraes]

out to the world 🌎

pairing: charles leclerc/fem!reader

type: instagram imagine/social media au

notes: not proofread and not revised so please expect errors hehehe please lmk what u think by replying or messaging and if u wanna be part of my taglist! <3

about: fans and people in the paddock have been trying to figure out whether charles is in a relationship or not. amongst the rumors, charles has had enough after seeing a series of mean comments about you.

paddocksays

liked by pierregasly, charloslove, leclercs, and 20,078 others

paddocksays F1 Ferrari driver Charles Leclerc spotted with a mystery woman having a splendid time on a yacht in Maranello. The same race weekend, Charles was accompanied by the same woman outside of Ferrari's HQ and he was seemingly very protective of her and apparently came out of the doors holding hands.

Is the Monegasquè finally off the market?

leclercs WHAT THE FUCK PIERRE LIKED?????

dr3stappen when will he make a dummy acc so hes not slipping on stuff like this 💀

ferrarifan Ok but Pierre liking doesn't confirm it,,, man probably thought this was pure bs and had a laugh

leclercs they were holding hands...

ferrarifans Dont you hold hands with your friends? Are you friendless?

charleswdc OMG go king so deserved

ferraritifosi Does it matter? She is probably a gold digger anyways.

ferrari1 Yeahhh lol riding off on that ferrari paycheck Charles has

16lecs55 Lol his ex was prettier

paddocksays

liked by charleswdc, dr3stappen, maxyracey, and 76,095 others

paddocksays Ferrari's very own lover boy? Charles Leclerc spotted out and about today on the streets of Monte Carlo with the same woman he was with in Italy. The "couple" is definitely not trying to be subtle.

Fans suspect that the woman is Y/N Y/L/N, a friend of Alex Albon's girlfriend, Lily.

tifosi1 Not even trying to hide the PDA, she is definitely using him

ferrarilover Clearly she wants some clout and some 💸💸💸

charleswdc they are trying to be subtle yall just dont know how to give them privacy ffs

ferrari1655 Not good enough for him lol he can do a lot better

sainzchamp ohhhh she ugly why is he even w her 💀💀💀

charles_leclerc

liked by carlossainz55, danielricciardo, lilymhe, and 2,450,334 others

charles_leclerc Up until now I never thought I could meet someone so loving, kind, and mesmerizing in all ways possible. To the only person I want to dance all my dances with, tell my ridiculously unfunny jokes to, and parade the streets with at midnight because we were craving pizza, you have my whole heart.

I am in a very loving relationship and I have never been happier. I ask everyone who's been making awful, unwarranted comments about Y/N to stop. All rumours and hearsays about her that paint her i negative light are not true. She does not deserve any of it and is the best person I know.

carlossainz55 I'm not the best person you know???

pierregasly Hurts, right?

charles_leclerc Please get out of my mentions 🙏

yourusername me? after your money? you havent even paid me when i put gas in all of your cars

charleswdc LMAOOOO SHES SO

charles_leclerc Will wire it to you now, chèrie 😘

yourusername no need, just bought u a new car

lilymhe MY LOVESSS ❤️❤️❤️ where are the mean comments im ready to fight

danielricciardo My man finally hard launched 🎉

yukitsunoda0511 MY PARENTS!!!!

yourusername kidding asside, je taime my love 🤍 my always in all ways!

pierregasly I feel like I had something to do with this

landonorris Please make a dump account dude

----------

tagging: @slytherheign <333

notes: this took me almost two hours lmaooo lmk what u think!!! ill be making a directory soon with all of my works i just need to figure out how to do masterlists 🥹 tysm for reading 🤍

[froggibus]

Redtribution - Jason Todd

Pairing: Jason Todd x gn! reader

Genre: angst -> fluff, hurt/comfort

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: Jason seeks justice for you after you get assaulted

CW: assault, semi-implied SA, murder, trauma, recovery, jason murders your abuser, angst, panic attack(s), hurt/comfort, soft! jason, everyone lowkey justifying murder, mentions of Under The Red Hood, lmk if i missed anything!!)

this is so fucking self indulgent but i do not even care rn. probably not officially back to writing yet but ill ease back into it in the next month or so. i spent an hour looking up the meaning of flowers before I posted this. anyways enjoy lol

————

It’s nearly five in the morning when Jason is stumbling through the doors of Wayne manor, trying to wipe the blood drops off of his jacket. He kicks off his boots and starts to head upstairs, hoping no one will see him before he gets the chance to shower and change. He’d usually go to his apartment on nights like these but he just got new flooring and bloodstains don’t go with his decor.

He’s careful walking up the stairs, staying on the balls of his feet to not make any noise. The manor is dark and oddly empty, everyone else asleep or about to return from their nighttime activities. He enjoys the silence, though. It makes it easier for him to blend in and sneak around.

He makes it upstairs without being seen and says a silent prayer as he walks down the hallway. The floorboards upstairs have a bad habit of creaking and he lives in a house with the most vigilant people in Gotham. A sound to his right has him stopping dead in his tracks.

He slows his breathing, keeping his focus entirely on the sounds around him. The usual spinning fans and light snoring, but something else on top of that. Crying? It’s hard to tell, so Jason shuffles closer to the door he thinks it’s coming from. 

Hard, breathless sobbing meets his ears. It’s somewhat muffled through the door and he can’t quite make out who it is. His first thought is Damian, but given the hour and the fact it’s a school night, he’s sure the brat wouldn’t dare make this much noise even if he was awake. Plus, he’s not even sure if the bastard can cry.

Jason squints. So who’s crying in there? He counts the doors in the hallway in his head, trying to remember who usually slept where. It wouldn’t be Dick or Tim, or even Steph or Cass. So that leaves…y/n?

His stomach drops. What are you doing up at this hour? What are you even doing in the manor? You usually stayed in your own place, trying to pursue a normal life. 

He knocks gently at the door, but you say nothing on the other side. He sighs and gently pushes it open. You’re curled up in a ball in your bed, head almost pressed into your knees, shaking violently. The sight of you makes his heart ache.

“Y/n,” he tries to keep his voice gentle to be less imposing, which he supposes is a stupid idea given he’s covered in blood.

You don’t say anything, you don’t even look up at him. He walks towards you, letting the floorboards creak under his feet to alert you to his presence. He makes it to your side, kneeling at the side of the bed. He doesn’t dare touch you right now.

“Y/n, it’s Jason…is everything okay?” 

You look up for just a second, letting him see your red rimmed eyes and tear stained cheeks. You relax at the sight of him despite the tears in your eyes before going back to sobbing again.

He can’t remember a single time in all the time that he’s known you that he’s seen you like this. You’ve always had a softer heart than the rest of them, you’ve always been the best of them. You don’t deserve this. 

He tries to think back to anything recently that you mentioned, anything that could’ve made you feel this way, but he draws blanks. Were you dating someone? Did something happen at school? His blood runs cold—did someone hurt you?

“Did something happen?”

He hears a slight knock at the door and his head snaps up, his gaze meeting Dick’s. Dick gestures for him to leave the room, Jason giving a slight nod to you in response. Dick raises his eyebrows and gestures once again.

“Hang in there,” he says quietly before slipping out of your room to see what he wants.

He closes the door behind him with a click, following Dick down to the Batcave. Neither of them dare speak until they’re beneath the mansion and far enough away that you couldn’t possibly hear them.

“What’s going on?”

Dick sighs, “there was an…incident tonight.”

“What? What kind of incident? Did someone hurt y/n?” Rage grows in the pit of Jason’s stomach, threatening to boil over.

“Yes,” Bruce’s gruff voice cuts in. 

Jason doesn’t even care that he’s still wearing his bloodstained clothes. He doesn’t care about anything other than you right now.

“What happened?”

“We don’t know details, all we know is what we were told and what we caught on security cameras.” Dick looks angry, a jarring sight for him. “Y/n was assaulted last night.”

Just like that, the rage bubbles over and Jason sees red. “Did we find the person who did it? Are they fucking dead yet or do I have to do it myself?”

He’s not even aware that he’s yelling, barely conscious of the words he’s saying. Not you, anyone but you. You did nothing to deserve this. 

Bruce interrupts his spiralling. “We’re not killing anyone, Jason.” 

“They can’t just get away with this!”

“They won’t,” Dick says in that stupid mediator voice that Jason has always hated. “They’ll go to prison and face the justice system.”

But Jason can tell from his eyes that Dick doesn’t believe that either. 

“And what about y/n? They’re just supposed to live with the fact that this—this fucking abomination lives in the same city as us? What happens when they get released? What do we do then?”

Bruce pinches the bridge of his nose. “We’ll get y/n into therapy, okay? We will figure this out. But no one is killing anyone.”

Jason shares a split second look with Dick before barreling his way through them and heading back upstairs. “This is bullshit.”

He hears Bruce sigh behind him but he doesn’t care.

—

It’s three days later when Jason returns to the manor. He’s clean this time, dressed in fresh street clothes that aren’t bloodstained. He has a tote draped over one arm and a bouquet wrapped in brown paper in the other. He’s relieved when only Alfred seems to be in the mansion, sitting at the dining room table drinking tea. 

“Good afternoon, Jason.” He glances at the flowers, “would you like me to prepare a vase?”

He nods. “That would be great.”

He stands by for a minute, watching the butler drink his tea. Alfred raises an eyebrow, not even glancing at the boy. “Y/n is in their room.”

“Thanks.”

Jason is nervous going up the stairs. He hasn’t seen you since that night when you were crying so hard you couldn’t breathe. He wanted to come back immediately, but he thought some breathing room would do you good. Plus, he had some business to take care of.

He stands outside your door for a minute before knocking gently. He waits patiently, hearing you shuffle softly to the door. When it swings open, that dull pain in his heart returns.

You’re dressed in a pair of pyjama pants and a Gotham PD shirt that most definitely belonged to Dick at some point. Your eyes are puffy but you don’t seem to be crying. Well, that’s a good sign.

“Jason,” you say softly, “you’re back.”

He gives you a half smile. He wasn’t sure if you would remember that he was even here, but you seemed almost pleased at his presence.

“Can we talk for a bit?” He asks.

“Oh, yeah.”

You let him into the room, going to sit in the corner of your bed. You tuck your chin in between your knees and Jason can’t help but notice how vulnerable you look. 

“Door open or closed?” 

It’s a simple question, but your shoulders come down from your ears and your jaw unclenches. “Open, please.”

He nods and swings the door fully open, going to sit on your desk chair. He sets his tote bag on your desk.

“These are for you,” he holds the bouquet of flowers out.

Your eyes light up at the black eyed susans and babies breath. You grab the bouquet from his hands and bring it up to your nose to smell them. The sweet aroma calms you.

“Thank you.”

He nods, leaning back in the chair. “How’ve you been?”

“Do you want the real answer?”

When Jason nods, you hesitate. You know out of everyone in the manor, he would be the most understanding of your feelings. He’s never been one to judge. But telling him everything you’ve been feeling is almost too much.

“I’m really angry.” You admit. 

He stares at you, pretty blue eyes filled with nothing but understanding. 

“Angry at everything, too. But I’m also scared and—and really paranoid. And I just wish—” you take a deep breath, “I don’t know.”

“There is nothing wrong with what you’re feeling right now,” he looks at you seriously. “And I mean nothing. Don’t be ashamed of any of the thoughts you’re having.”

“I want him dead,” you say suddenly.

You can’t bring yourself to look at him as soon as the words leave your mouth. All you’ve heard lately is how he’ll face the justice system and live a shitty life because of what he did. But that doesn’t feel like justice to you. 

“He doesn’t deserve to live.”

Your head snaps up, eyes meeting his. His words shouldn’t stun you, but they do. He’s the only one who seems to understand what you’re feeling, what you need.

“Bruce keeps saying he’ll go to prison and to trust the system but I don’t think I’ll ever feel safe knowing he’s living in Gotham. And what am I supposed to do then? Move? It’s not fair to me, Jason. It’s not fucking fair.”

He sighs, “you know how Bruce is. He doesn’t understand that there’s more than one way to achieve justice and peace. He’s scared of the darker stuff.”

You nod, tilting your head back to try and blink away your tears before they fall. You’ve known Bruce since you were barely a teenager, and you know far too well that the allure of darkness is too great for him to ever dabble in it.

“Believe me,” he says quietly. “When I heard about what happened, I wanted to kill that piece of shit. Hell, even Dick wanted to kill him.”

“But you don’t anymore?”

He hesitates before he says “no.”

“Oh,” you say, the tears finally falling down your cheeks.

You thought if anyone could understand, if anyone would agree with you, it would be Jason. You thought you were on the same side, but clearly you’re wrong.

“Hey, hey, hey,” he says softly, sitting on the edge of the bed. “It’s okay.”

“I-I thought you understood,” you sob out. “I don’t think I’ll ever feel okay again, not if he’s still alive.”

Jason’s own voice echoes in his head. But why? Why on God’s earth is he still alive? He sees so much of himself in you. So much anger and bitterness and resentment. And he knew what he needed when he was in that spot.

He reaches into his bag to pull out his phone. “I’m going to show you something, okay?”

“O-okay.”

Jason shuffles back until he’s sitting right next to you, giving you time to move away if you need to. He holds up his phone, the screen displaying a news article from early this morning.

‘Local Man Found Dead From Multiple Gunshot Wounds. Possible Gang Violence?’

Jason takes the phone away before you can see any pictures, shoving it in the back pocket of his jeans. He looks at you carefully, thoughts racing. He’s not sure how you’ll react.

The shock hits you first, and then the relief. “Is that—is that really…?”

You can’t bring yourself to say it. Instead, you look up at Jason with those vulnerable, tear filled eyes. The joy he feels at that spark of hope in your eyes could last him a lifetime. 

“Yeah,” he swallows hard. “Yeah, it is.”

You practically pounce on him, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders. You can’t remember the last time you hugged him but you realize now that it’s been way too long. Jason squeezes you against him, the familiar scent of your hair calming every nerve in his body.

“Thank you,” you sob. “Oh my god, thank you.”

Jason gently rubs your back, nodding into your shoulder. He can’t help but tear up too.

You pull away, a shocked expression on your face. “I—I thought I would feel all better if he died but….”

“I know. But it’s going to take some time and that is okay. And now he’s fucking dead and he’ll never hurt you again. Okay?”

You burst into tears again and collapse into his arms. Jason holds you tightly to his chest, mumbling reassurance into your ear. You don’t feel completely better, but you feel safe, and for now, that’s more than enough.

—

It’s later that night when Jason sees Bruce again.

He doesn’t feel the nerves he usually does. He knows he’s seen the news by now and figured out it’s him, but he could care less what the man thinks. He tries to mind his business and avoid the wrath he’s so used to. 

Everyone told him the same thing. That he did the right thing, that he did what no one else could. Even Dick had given him a giant hug, much to Jason’s annoyance.

“Jason.”

He freezes at the familiar raspy voice, spinning on his heel to face his adoptive father.

Bruce nods and places a hand on his shoulder. “You did the right thing.”

[etherealising]

chapter thirteen | the injury of finally knowing you

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary: hard conversations are inevitable and that’s exactly the lesson carmy learns when he decides to finally be honest with you.

warning(s): unintentional slut shaming (lol) | ooc carmy | very minimally edited |

wc: 7.6k

The sound of the bathroom door opening did little to draw your attention as you sat on Carmy’s bed, eyes trained on the letter in your hand. You hadn’t meant to snoop or anything, as Carmy showered you stayed in the living room for a bit and tried to work more on the rough draft for your article but the inspiration just wasn’t there at the moment, so you ventured to his room to wait for your turn to shower.

You didn’t think you’d ever willingly read these letters again, so when Carmy asked if he could have them you had no problem allowing him to take them. But then you saw them sitting folded on his side table and you knew exactly what they were before you reached for them. As you waited for Carmy to finish you read them, you weren’t sure what compelled you to do so but you read each of them from start to finish even when you could feel the emotion clawing up your throat. The worst part of it all was that you couldn’t even remember when you penned each letter, they were dated but the emotions spilling from your words made you feel a bit ill. It was almost like a different person wrote these letters, of course, you still felt the hurt and anguish, but you were sure you’d always feel it.

“Shit,” your eyes moved to find Carmy making his way towards you, quickly gathering the letters on the bed before gently removing your grip from the one in your hand. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have left these out.

You watched him tuck them away then felt the caress of his thumb against your cheek, the motion soothed you even as he moved his thumb up to wipe a fallen tear. “Do you read them often?” You weren’t sure if you wanted to hear his answer, but you also didn’t want him beating himself up over something that was entirely out of his control.

Carmy’s thumb continued tracing back and forth against your cheek, eyes flicking between your own before his hand dropped, his eyes following soon after. “Too often…kinda like if I uh read them enough it’ll fix everything.”

Your heart clenched at his words a quiet sardonic laugh following behind them, “Sounds fucking stupid I know I just,” he stopped himself you could tell he was closing himself off, see in his face that he didn’t feel like what he needed to say mattered.

Carmy’s head turned at the slight sensation he felt ghosting across his hand. You gripped his hand in yours giving it a subtle squeeze before raising it to your lips and placing a kiss so soft and loving to his knuckles that you were sure he could feel the sensation of emotion seeping into his skin and burrowing into his bloodstream.

Watching as he allowed you to comfort him in your way, your free hand reached out to comb the stray pieces of hair out of his eyes. Your thumb ghosted across his temple before tracing a path down his cheek and landing at his jaw, raising his chin so he was forced to look at you.

“Carmy, I wanna hear what you have to say. I always want to hear what you have to say. Do you understand me?” Your voice was quiet yet demanding, you hoped to convey just how serious you were, you would listen to the man in front of you read his grocery list morning, noon, and night if necessary.

You gave him a small encouraging smile as you looked at him. You watched as his eyes strayed to your lips eyeing them for longer than what seemed appropriate considering neither of you was sure what this relationship was, if the context of this conversation was any different you would’ve already captured his lips with your own. Instead, you leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead before leaning back, your hand still attached to his.

Silence settled over the two of you, you couldn’t force Carmy to talk but you hoped he felt safe enough to open up to you more than he already did. You just wanted to be there for him, to show him that through everything you were still in his corner.

“I read them and I…I just feel this intense guilt you know?” You listened as Carmy began speaking he looked away from you, his eyes locked on the wall opposite the two of you. “A-and I just feel angry, angry at myself. Because why the fuck didn’t I just ask you to stay with me, why didn’t I-I check on you.”

You sat next to Carmy silently, squeezing his hand every so often to let him know you were still there, still listening.

“Most times I just think about how alone you were, how fucking scared you must’ve been. A-and it makes me angry all over again because why the fuck would you do that to yourself?” Carmy’s glistening eyes met yours, questions swimming through his irises. “Shit, no I-I’m not blaming you, promise. But I just look at you and it’s like fuck she deserved so much better, deserves so much better but y-you just suffered alone because of me you know. You’ve always been the best of us Baby and just the idea of you all alone writing those fucking words while I was in some miserable fucking kitchen across the country fucking oblivious to it all I just…I.”

Carmy’s words trailed off, you watched his throat bob up and down like the words he tried to get out lodged themselves there fighting to never be spoken. You tried not to cry, you didn’t want Carmy to think he needed to comfort you in this moment, but it was all for naught as the tears streamed down his face, silent sobs wracked his body as he held his head in his hands. Your interconnected hands pressed desperately to his lips catching every tear.

“Bear, hey look at me,” you spoke softly hoping to lure his attention. There were a few moments of waiting until Carmy’s head slowly lifted, eyes quickly tracking the tear stains on your cheeks, you didn’t give him the chance to wipe them away as you removed your hand from his to grip his face. His stubble was scratchy underneath your touch but you gently dabbed away any leftover tears. “There you are.” It was quiet, a whispered breath that made Carmy’s heart race.

“It's cliche, but they really mean that shit when they say you can’t change the past.” You gave a small grin at the huff of air Carmy loosed through his nose. “It hurts Carmy, god does it hurt. But neither of us will be able to move forward if we keep letting our past mistakes and regrets live in the present with us. There’s a lot of shit I wish you would’ve done differently, things I wish I did differently, and now that we have the chance to do things differently I mean…I don’t wanna waste it. I don’t wanna waste another 10 years without you in my life, Carmy.” You paused, stopping yourself from what you wanted to say but knowing that if this was real if you and Carmy were going through with this the opportunity would present itself.

“I don’t want you to pretend what we experienced wasn’t harrowing and trust me some days it’ll hit harder than others. But if I deserve better then so do you Carm, I…I want us to be happy in whatever way makes you most comfortable. Just please Carmy…don’t push me out of your life again, I’m not sure if there’ll ever be a next time for us after this.”

Carmy’s face was still held delicately between your hands, you offered him your best reassuring smile as silence settled over the two of you. You wished you knew what was going on in Carmy’s head, you were nervous to be too blatantly open with your feelings for him scared it would shut him down.

“How long?” Your brows furrowed at Carmy’s question, a plea for him to explain himself. “If I wanted happiness i-in the same way you did, how much longer would you wait?” It made sense now what he was asking, a small sad smile made its way to your lips as you drank in every bit of emotion that ran across his face the longer you stayed quiet.

You searched his eyes for any sense of hesitation but found none, “I’m a patient woman, Carm, but I won’t wait forever.” Sometimes the truth hurts but it was better to be honest and get everything out on the table now since the two of you were being vulnerable.

Carmy nodded expecting nothing less, if he were being honest with himself he didn’t even think he still deserved your time but he sure as hell was still happy to have it. And this time he wouldn’t allow himself to get in his way, his hands came up gently cupping yours before turning his face from left to right and allowing his lips to sink into the palm of your hands.

He watched as your eyes sparkled before he moved to grip your face, tilting your head down just right to place a kiss on your forehead. A kiss full of love and promises.

A kiss that said you wouldn’t be waiting long.

You stared at yourself in the bathroom mirror, a small smile peeking through at the sight of yourself in the matching pajama set Carmy bought you. A small laugh left your lips as you thought about him shopping for you all alone, how many different sets he must’ve looked through, how undecided he must’ve looked while shopping for you.

He’d done a great job though as far as you could tell, there wasn’t any way he could go wrong. You quickly stepped into the matching fuzzy socks that came with the set before turning to exit the bathroom making sure to grab your work clothes so you could wash them.

Exiting the bathroom you found Carmy sitting up in bed with a journal in his hand, the scene reminded you of that Christmas years ago, although this time you were almost positive you wouldn’t wake up alone. You smiled at Carmy as his eyes found yours before leaving to exit the room and start your laundry.

Looking around the living room a feeling of worry began to sink into you as you couldn’t seem to find your laptop or any of the documents you’d spread on Carmy's coffee table earlier that night. You checked around to make sure you hadn’t overlooked it before making your way back to Carmy.

“Carm, have you seen my laptop?” Your voice trailed off as you watched him lift the device off of his side table, your documents neatly stacked on top of it.

You carefully grabbed your belongings halting as you weren’t sure if Carmy wanted to be bothered by your presence as he did his respective work. You took one last look around the room before deciding it might be best if you just returned to working in the living room, knowing how frustrated you could get at times when writing.

“Sit down Baby.” You stopped mid-step to look at Carmy whose eyes were still glued to the journal in his hand. His eyes flashed up to you as you stayed planted in your spot, his eyebrows raised as if to ask why you hadn’t joined him yet.

It was hard but you hid the giddy smile on your face as best as you could, something about just being in Carmy’s presence in such a domestic context made you feel all warm inside like maybe someday this wouldn’t just be a one-time thing. Maybe this would be your life.

You settled in next to him taking a quick peek at his journal before averting your eyes. You were curious as to what he was writing in there, but that wasn’t exactly your business, it didn't mean you couldn’t ask questions though. “Working on the menu?” You tried to sound nonchalant like you were just making small talk as you waited for your laptop to power on, hands mindlessly shuffling through the loose papers not reading a single word on them.

“Somethin’ like that.” Carmy’s voice was quiet as he quickly finished his last thought on the page before closing said journal and storing it away. “Working on your article?”

You let out a quiet scoff at his non-answer, a quiet laugh following at his curiosities being thrown your way. “Something like that.”

Carmy’s laugh rang through the otherwise quiet room, the timber of it warmed your belly. He quieted down after a moment, you could see a frown forming on his face out of the corner of your eye. “I uh…never apologized for punching your boyfriend b-but I’m not sorry for punching him, I’m sorry that it probably made things at work weird for you.”

Your head turned in Carmy’s direction so fast you were sure it gave you whiplash. This man could not read a room to save his fucking life, you’d basically told him moments ago you were his when he was ready to take that next step and here he was bringing up fucking Hayden. You’d give your kidney to spend a day inside that man's head.

“Let me get this straight Carmen, you think I was dating a man who told me to my face, surrounded by loved ones that I didn’t try hard enough to kill myself?” You could see the realization dawn on him as he let your words sink in, embarrassment clear on his face as he realized his mistake.

Carmy’s arm moved up to scratch at the back of his neck, “Well no, but he said-.”

“And you believed him?” You didn’t need to hear any more of Carmy’s sentence to know that whatever Hayden told him was done with malicious intent. You tried not to be upset with Carmy in that moment seeing as how you hadn’t let him explain his side, but a part of you couldn’t help but feel judged.

“Shit no,” you could hear the panic in his voice as he reached to move your laptop and papers, hands quickly falling to your waist to turn you to face him. “No, no I…fuck. I just didn’t know how to bring it up to you and now I’ve just fucked it.”

The frown on your face deepened as you watched the panic race through him, “You could just ask me Carmy instead of accusing me of things. I don’t mind that you're curious but is that what you think of me that I’ve had relations with every man I know? You gonna accuse me of fucking Richie next?”

“Baby,” the words escaped Carmy in a sigh, he hadn’t meant to offend you but the longer he thought about it he realized how much of a repeat offender he was when it came to backing you into a corner like this. First the prom accusation, then the Christmas accusation, and now this. “I’m sorry… it's just you have so much experience a-and-“

“Carmen!” Your eyes shot wide at his words, if he was hoping to assuage your feelings he sure was doing a shit job at it. “Do you even think before you speak?”

Carmy wanted the world to swallow him whole in that moment, he’d never been a master of words but he was shooting himself in the foot more often than not in this conversation.

“You just indirectly called me a slut Carmen. Which by the way if I was it's nobody’s business but mine.” You removed Carmy’s hands from where they had settled on your waist, peeved by the whole conversation.

Carmy’s hand moved up to run through his hair, he knew deep down why these conversations kept coming up between the two of you and it wasn’t because he thought any less of you because of your sexual history. But every time he thought he could have an honest conversation with you about this it just turned into him self-sabotaging in hopes that you’d do the mental work and figure it out, but that wasn’t your job and he knew that he just tended to ruin any good in his life before it had the chance to become great.

The two of you sat in silence as you allowed Carmy to gather his thoughts; the indignation sat heavy in your chest. You weren’t ashamed of any casual relationships you’d had in the past, and you wouldn’t allow whatever Carmy had going on to force you to feel guilty about living your life. Whatever adventures you’d partaken in prior to this was exactly that, before Carmy.

“I-I don’t think any less of you for whatever past relationships you’ve had. And I don’t care…at least not in the way you think I do it's just,” he paused, gathering whatever courage he had to get the rest of his words out. “There’s just this…this need for me to be the best at everything, a-and I’ve been fucking things up with us for so long that I think you know what if I finally let this happen and there’s just someone better for you.”

A sense of understanding washed over you, and while you didn’t want to invalidate Carmy’s feelings he still needed to know the effect of his words. “Carm, it's okay to feel insecure. But you can’t expect me to know these things if you don’t talk about your feelings with me.” Your eyes darted across his face making sure you hadn’t lost him. “This doesn’t work if neither of us communicate, the next time you’re curious just ask me Carmy. And please if anything like that ever happens again check with me instead of letting things fester.”

Carmy nodded his head rapidly, thankful that his most recent blunder hadn’t caused too much of a rift. He knew he could confide in you about anything but he just felt a bit apprehensive confiding in you about his feelings for you. His hand reached out to play with the ruffled bit of your sock allowing himself time to come to terms with the fact that he’d have to work on opening up even more to you if there was any chance of a romantic relationship.

“You know for a long time I uh, I envied you.” You were surprised by Carmy’s admission watching him closely as he continued fiddling with your sock. “It’s fuckin’ stupid really, but I uh think it started when Mikey let you work at the shop and your relationship with him just drove me fuckin’ crazy sometimes.”

He let out a quiet huff of laughter before finally looking up at you hoping you wouldn’t hold his past indiscretions against him. “I would just watch the two of you sometimes and wonder why the fuck the two of you acted more like siblings than he and I did. But I uh, I think what really pushed it over the edge was the summer you left.”

You sat there listening intently, nervousness building in your chest as Carmy divulged feelings of his you had never been privy to until now.

“I fucked up big time I-I knew that, but at the time it just pissed me off. It was stupid but I just expected you to get over everything the…the kiss and then seeing me with Claire, I was a fucking idiot. And you just started spending even more time with Mikey and it was like the two of us hadn’t been best friends for almost our whole lives.” Carmy shook his head realizing how immature all of this sounded even to his ears. “And then you just fucking left us…left me and I know you had to, but I was an idiot teenager and at that time it just felt like you’d given up on me.”

Your quiet sniffles drew his eyes from their burning gaze trained on your forehead, watching as your lips rapidly trembled.

“I called you every day for a year, Carmy.” The tears began to fall, your voice cracking along with it as you defended yourself for a hurt you hadn’t even realized you caused.

Carmy’s heart ached as he watched you, his hands surging forward to grip your face, “Shh, I know Baby please don’t cry. Please, I just want to be honest with you.” His hands moved to gently wipe your face as you nodded two small kisses landing on the apples of your cheeks before he moved back to make sure you were okay, his hands leaving your face to hold your hands in his.

“It was like I fell into this mindset once I decided to leave for culinary school, I felt like none of you fucking believed in me, but I believed in me and I was just like fuck you watch this…a-and I just lumped you in there. I just threw myself into and I was so caught up in my shit it wasn’t until Sug sent me your article about the James Beard award that I realized I was the one who gave up on you…on us. By then I felt like it was too late, like too much time had passed and it wasn’t fair for me to expect space in your life anymore.

Silence settled over the room, your heart felt like it was ready to beat out of your chest. The idea that Carmy threw away your friendship because of envy hurt you to your core, and as much as you wanted to excuse his actions just because you were teenagers you wouldn’t; not this time. Carmy made it abundantly clear he knew he’d made all the wrong choices and you weren’t going to sit here and lick his wounds or pretend it was all okay because none of it was. For years he acted as though you didn’t exist as if he’d never met you, made you feel like you had done something catastrophically disgusting for him to ghost you in the way he did.

“I thought I did something to make you hate me ” You hiccuped as you spoke trying to rein in the tears, you looked back and forth between Carmy’s eyes scared to find even a sliver of hate floating around in them.

Carmy’s heart broke as he listened to those words leave your mouth, he hadn’t meant for this night to take the turn that it did but he felt the two of you were in a good place and that you deserved to know the truth. He wanted to be honest with you, in the hopes that by clearing the air between the two of you the both of you could continue to move forward, preferably by building a future together.

“Hey, hey look at me please.” Worry raced through him, he was sure this was the moment when everything fell apart for the two of you. The two of you had already come back from a lot, he just wasn’t sure your relationship could come back for the immaturity that caused all the unnecessary hurt in the first place. Carmy wasn’t sure he could watch you any longer, since you’d been back in Chicago it felt like every meeting between the two of you ended with you in tears and he was always to blame.

You wouldn’t look at him, your face buried in your hands. But what more could he expect you’d spent all these years beating yourself up for something that wasn’t even your fault, all these years wondering why you’d lost your best friend with no sign of answers insight. Carmy raised to his knees hesitant but deciding to wrap his arms around you, pulling your head into his chest hoping to offer you some sense of comfort.

He pulled you into him as tight as he could wanting to remember what it felt like to hold you in case this was the last time he’d ever be blessed with your presence.

Carmy didn’t need to open his eyes to know that you were gone, the lack of warmth next to him and the foreboding feeling told him everything he needed to know. He sat up in bed looking at the space you slept in, the covers wrinkled from where you tossed and turned, a part of him was sure the sheets had lost the warmth of your body hours ago.

His eyes flitted around the room hoping to find some piece of you still there but he came up empty. He raised his hand swiping it across his mouth as he recalled the conversation from last night, he thought he was doing the right thing by opening up to you, being honest but as he sat there in his quiet empty apartment he wasn’t sure if his vulnerability had the opposite affect and reopened wounds you were trying to keep closed.

There was nothing he could do now, the truth was out in the open between you, and all he could hope for was that you’d forgive him. Reaching for his phone he scrolled through the few notifications hoping to see your name, but coming up short as he finished looking through them all. He quickly pulled up your contact pressing the call button before raising the phone to his ear and listening as it rang before he was sent to voicemail.

Carmy didn’t want to make a big deal out of you leaving and if you asked him for space he would give it to you, but to do that he needed to know you were safe, and the chances of him finding that out lessened each time you didn’t pick up the phone and the messages he sent stayed on delivered. After the fifth call, he moved from his bedroom to the living room hoping the reason you weren’t answering was because you left your phone behind.

But every trace of you was gone and as much as Carmy tried not to overthink the current situation at hand, he couldn’t help the rising anxiety within him, his hand moving to massage his chest the heaviness in it causing discomfort.

Carmy’s eyes found the Polaroid of the two of you still on the counter where you placed it. He reached out, picking it up and bringing it to his eye line, his finger darted out to trace the smile on your face. Every time he glanced at this photo his eyes would always stray to you, more importantly, the look on your face.

He thought back to the moment this photo was taken, displaying one of the happier moments in his life, and it wasn’t because of the sex, the whispered promises, or the shared kisses. It was the fact that when he looked at this picture it reminded him of the moment he realized he was willing to commit to you, the moment he realized he shouldn’t have ran at hearing your admission through the door. He remembered working his whole shift half his mind focused on the tasks at hand, the other part trying to figure out the words he would say to you upon returning home. But you were gone, and deep down he knew you would be you made it clear your time together had an expiration date, but he still held out hope and then he returned to an empty apartment with this Polaroid and his chain all to welcome him home. He hid it away not being able to stomach what he’d lost, until he found it while unpacking when he moved back to Chicago deciding it was an image he wanted to see every day for the rest of his life.

He placed the picture back in its spot above the stove before moving to grab his phone and quickly calling Sug hoping she might have heard from you. Maybe you called her and vented about the previous night, or maybe you were at her house now. He paced back and forth as he waited for his sister to pick up, he felt guilty that Sug always got dragged into this mess between the two of you but he just needed to know you were safe somewhere.

“Is Baby with you?” The words were out of his mouth as soon as he heard the line connect.

“Good morning Carm, I’m doing great. My feet are a bit swollen but other than that it’s been a nice morning.”

Carmy let out a huff of frustration, “Shit, sorry about your feet Sug,” he listened to her mock laugh through the phone. “Is Baby with you, or have you heard from her?”

He waited with bated breath hoping Sug could assuage his worry, “I haven’t spoken to her since last night, I thought she was with you.”

“Uh yeah, yeah she was,” Carmy wasn’t surprised that Sug knew you’d been at his house, it’s probably how you’d gotten his address. “But I think I really fucked up this time Sug.”

“Carm,” the tiredness was evident in Sug’s voice and he felt even worse continuously adding stress on her plate.

“I know Sug I’m sorry I just…I said some things and she was just gone when I woke up. A-and I’ll give her space if she needs it but I just…I’m worried you know what if she…she,” Carmy couldn’t finish his sentence not wanting to speak the idea into existence.

The line went quiet and he wasn’t sure if Sug understood what he was trying to reference or if she was lost in the web of memories. “I’ll check with Cortez, just call me if you get in touch with her before I do. Please Carmy.”

Camry didn’t know who the fuck Cortez was but he appreciated all the help Sug was offering. He agreed to let her know if he heard from you before ending the call. He tossed his phone onto the counter, his hands running through his hair as he tried not to stress over the situation any more than he already was, bending over he placed his elbows on the cold countertop before placing his head in his hands, he was sure he could feel an ulcer developing at all the stress the two of you caused each other.

His head shot up at the sound of the front door unlocking, the last thing he needed was someone trying to rob him at eight in the fucking morning. Carmy watched from his position in the kitchen, surprised to see your body trying to sneak back into the apartment wearing your clothes from the previous day. He was silent as you quietly closed the door before locking it and turning to face him.

The surprise on your face was evident as the two of you stared at each other waiting for someone to speak first. It was you who broke the silence, raising the bag and cup holder in your hand as you spoke, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you but I bought us breakfast.”

Carmy frowned at how casual you were acting as though he hadn’t spent most of his time awake freaking out over your disappearance, though it's not like you knew that. “You…you can’t just fucking do shit like that Baby.”

The distress was clear in his voice and he watched as you frowned confusion decorating your features “I can’t…buy you breakfast?” If Carmy wasn’t so stressed out by you at that moment he would’ve found it cute the way innocence flashed across your face at the question, he was seconds away from giving in from that look alone.

“What? No, you can’t just…just fucking disappear like that. I woke up and you were just gone and y-you didn’t leave a note or anything…I was worried about you.” Carmy finished his train of thought before it turned into nonsensical rambling, his eyes finding yours across the room as he watched the understanding wash over your face.

You nodded, Carmy followed your movement as you made your way to the kitchen placing down the objects in your hands before lifting yourself onto the counter opposite of him. The two of you stared at each other, Carmy moved to cross his arms across his chest hoping the longer he’d stay silent you’d give in and explain your little vanishing act to him. He wasn’t mad, far from it but he didn’t know how to tell you that this reminded him all too much of you disappearing in New York.

“I didn’t mean to worry you, Carm. I just needed some time to think about everything you told me last night.” His eyes stayed connected to yours as he nodded in understanding, you came back so he felt it was safe to assume the heavens made sure he hadn’t lost you yet. “I’m not sure if I can forgive you Carmy those years for me…they were miserable. I felt all alone in a new place and it wasn’t just me, your actions hurt. My mom was dying Carmen and she asked about you so much…she loved you like you were her own Carm.”

“I don’t think you meant to hurt anyone,” Carmy’s eyes watched your mouth form a disbelieving laugh. “But the fact is you did, and I know you’re sorry Carm, I see it in your face every time you apologize, every time you look at me. And what’s stopping you from doing something like that again? You’re flighty Carm, what if we finally decide to do this…to take that next step and you feel overwhelmed, like it's all too much what then? Do you just ghost me again in hopes that it hurts me enough to finally give up on us or do you stay and do the hard work?”

Your response was valid and Carmen knew that, so he didn’t even take the chance to try and defend himself. He hadn’t thought about the consequences his actions might bring and didn't even give a second thought to how selfish he was being when he cut you off cold turkey. And he loathed to admit it but through all the time apart you still knew him better than anyone else.

“I…I don’t know if I can continue wanting this for the both of us Carmy.” Carmy’s eyes followed your hand that stretched out between the two of you, your fingers wiggling to urge him to go to you, his feet leading him easily.

Carmy found his way to you watching as you entwined your fingers with his, his free hand coming to rest on your hip as he looked up at you seated on his counter from his position between your legs.

“I don’t deserve to spend the rest of my life walking on eggshells around you Carm scared that you’ll drop me at a moment's notice,” Carmy didn’t want to hear the rest of what you had to say but he stayed put, allowing your free hand to ghost across his cheek until you gently cupped it his face relaxing into your palm. “And you don’t deserve being pressured into a relationship you’re not ready for, it’s not fair to either of us.”

The words felt like they burrowed into his heart, growing roots and staying there for all of eternity. He leaned in resting his forehead against your eyes closing so he could pretend this moment wasn’t happening and instead the two of you were just enjoying each other’s presence.

“Baby,” the words were a plea as they left his lips hoping that somehow the two of you could salvage this.

His eyes opened as your thumb gently rubbed across his cheek watching you as you watched him. “It's toxic Carm, we’re toxic.”

Your breath ghosted across his lips and he savored the feeling sending a tender squeeze to your hip before he gently pulled you to the edge of the counter, his nose bumping into yours, lips precariously close to brushing against yours as he began speaking, basically transferring the words from his mouth to yours. “We can work on it.”

His nose nudged against yours waiting for you to stop him before things went too far. His eyes flickered back and forth between your eyes before dropping back to your mouth analyzing the way your teeth sunk into your bottom lip. Carmy’s hand left your hip, his thumb gently tugging at your lip ghosting across the plumpness of it, he cradled your jaw, his nose nuzzling against yours just right to have your bottom lips brush against each other.

The two of you sat in that position for a moment, Carmy wouldn’t make this decision for you not if you didn’t want him to. But as your hand moved from his cheek to the side of his neck he felt his heart begin to race as he would finally get the chance to taste you after so long apart.

Your body jolted against Carmy’s, your lips landing against the corner of his mouth as the phone in your pocket vibrated. Carmy wasn’t sure if the disappointed sigh was yours or his, his hand fell from your jaw moving around your hip on the counter to retrieve the phone from your back pocket. Both of you knew the contact was unnecessary but the quiet gasp you let out was proof enough that neither of you cared.

“Who is it?” Carmy relished in the way your lips brushed against his as you spoke, the two of you still poised in the position for a kiss.

He looked down at your phone doing his best not to show a visceral reaction at the name on the screen. He carefully turned it in your direction watching as your eyes widened before taking the phone from his grip. He let out a sigh of remorse as you pushed off of him, sending an awkward smile his way.

“Sorry, I need to take this.” Carmy nodded, reluctantly stepping from his position between your legs, his hand raised to the back of his neck as he wasn’t sure what to do with himself before deciding to occupy himself with the breakfast you bought.

He watched out of the corner of his eye as you stayed in your position on the counter and answered the phone. He didn’t intend on eavesdropping but considering he was still in close proximity he could hear the voice coming through the other line.

“Cortez, what’s u-”

“Do you like stressin’ people the fuck out ma?” Carmy tuned out the conversation as soon as he heard the gruff voice deciding to instead occupy himself with the breakfast you bought.

Carmy’s head turned in your direction when he realized you’d been trying for some time to gain his attention, he gave you a small half-smile wanting nothing more than to hold you as the two of you figured things out. Instead, he held a bagel out to you as a peace offering, “Breakfast?”

He watched you nod before coming to join him, the two of you standing in silence as you put the spread on your bagels. Breakfast was spent in silence with the quiet dialogue of the TV in the background, the scene of you two on opposite sides of the couch a mirror image of the previous night's dinner, that same tension-filled air hanging between the two of you.

Carmy didn’t argue when you decided to head home after finishing, the two of you silently worked around each other to clean up the trash from breakfast. And he forced himself not to bring up his worries about the future status of your relationship as he led you to the door.

“Drive safe yeah?” Carmy stood in front of his door frame trying not to be as awkward as he felt.

He watched your lips spread into a small smile, he wasn’t the only one seemingly fighting off the awkwardness. “I’ll text you when I get home…thank you for letting me stay, and for the food and the clothes.” Your words ended on a quiet laugh the sound bringing a smile to Carmy’s face.

The two of you stood there for a moment longer awkward silence lingering in the air, you began rocking back and forth on your heels Carmy unsure of what to say. “I guess it’s time I make like a banana and split.”

Carmy tried to hide his smile at your stupid joke, his hand reached out to grip the back of your head pulling you into his chest. “I forgot how fuckin’ lame you could be.” He smiled as he felt you laugh in his arms his lips pressing into your temple as he allowed to push off of him, his hand still cupping the back of your head.

“You missed out on 10 years of lameness Carm, gotta start makin’ up for it at some point.” Carmy let his smile grow at that point. You’d made it clear to him that you wouldn’t forgive what led to the downfall of your relationship.

But as the two of you smiled at each other he took this moment as an olive branch, whether you meant for it to be or not he would take what he could get. He allowed you to pull him back in both of his arms wrapping around you his body relaxing into yours as your warm lips met the skin over his Adam’s apple before moving to place one final kiss on his jaw.

He let you step out of his hold hoping you wouldn’t mention the dusting of pink that he could feel spreading across his cheeks. You stepped back Carmy’s hand that was once on the back of your head traced down the side of your neck, then your shoulder, and arm before finally entwining your hand with his.

“Before I forget do you know when you’ll be free in the next week, I kinda need to interview you for this article I’m writing.” Carmy gave a small smile at your antics.

His free hand moved to scratch the back of his head trying to gather all the courage he could, “I uh still have a couple hours before I head to the restaurant if you wanted…to interview me now.” The smile left his face as he watched your smile fall.

“Oh, I’m sorry Carm I actually have somewhere to be, but thank you for offering.” He nodded trying not to let the disappointment show on his face.

The two of you exchanged goodbyes before Carmy stepped back into his apartment realizing what an idiot he was for not walking you to your car and also thinking you’d just drop everything and spend more time with him under the pretense of conducting an interview. Deciding to make himself useful Carmy headed into his room figuring he might as well head to the restaurant since he had nothing but time.

Carmy was in the middle of buttoning his jeans when the sound of incessant knocking spread through his apartment, part of him was resigned to just let whoever it was knock it wasn’t like he really knew anyone in the building. But the longer the knocking went on he decided to just figure out who the hell was bothering him.

Making it to his living room he swung the door open ready to tell the person off but stopping in his tracks as your figure stood there surprise easily written all over his face.

“Hi, Carmen Berzatto right?” His eyes narrowed confused at the game you were playing, eyes darting to your hand hanging between the two of you before it raised to the notepad he hadn’t realized you were holding and began writing in as you spoke. “Impolite and shorter in person. Sorry, I’m with the Tribune I was wondering if you had time for an interview.”

Carmy rolled his eyes laughing at your antics, “You’re a fuckin’ dork.” He moved out of the way and opened the door wider signaling for you to come in, locking the door he turned and watched as you began taking your jacket and shoes off.

He was sure he had never seen a more perfect image, than the vision of you in his apartment at that moment. Your selflessness was never more apparent to Carmy than in that moment, he could almost physically feel his love for you growing as he realized time and time again you would fight for this relationship.

baby: ayye yo this shit actually kinda toxic

carmy: ohh no maybe if we make out that’ll fix it??

a/n: anyway i know this may feel like we’re going backwards but i promise you the barby ship will be sailing sooner than you know it! please enjoy! 🤍

likes are great, but comments and reblogs really are the lifeblood of fic writing. if you love this fic please consider sharing 🫶🏽

[chocotonez]

skz reaction to their s/o feeling nauseous

a/n: I think this is months late so I’m so incredibly sorry and I hope you’re not still feeling nauseous anon!!

warnings/genre: mentions of throwing up, sickness, no reason stated for feeling sick, g/n reader, lmk if anything else should be tagged!

chan

-so incredibly worried immediately

-if you’re outside he’ll immediately be like “need to go home?? Should we go home?”

-calls you his “poor baby” while cradling you dramatically

-“food? water? cold?? hot??? fever??? chills?!?!?”

-strokes your hair while trying to ease it in anyway he knows possible, even looks up quick ways to help you

-he’s more of a healer and fixer, so he wouldn’t just want to distract you but fix the problem entirely

-lots of kisses until you feel better!!

lee know

-immediately has you in bed with a damp towel over your forehead and fanning you while also making chicken noodle soup and giving you the best of the best treatment

-probably the type to drop “is it because you’re on your phone all the time?” and scold you even if that’s not the reason at all 😭

-he’s devoted to taking care of you but also he hates seeing you in pain, which is why he can seem like he’s scolding u or smth like that

-babies you a bit to make you laugh, pinches your cheeks but his giggles are softer and he tries to relax so he doesn’t make you feel even more sick LOL

-“I’ll always be here to take care of you”

changbin

-notices but he doesn’t want you to feel super duper scrutinized especially if it’s something you can handle yourself

-like dizzy spells and whatnot, but once it hits that your head is spinning and your vision is getting spotty he panics

-“hey let’s get you some water? do you wanna go home? wanna go lay down?” and is dropping a lot of suggestions because you know ur body best!

-but he’ll obviously swoop into take care of you if you’re alright with it, kissing your cheek and trying to comfort you and smother u with love because love is the best medicine

-brushes your hair out of your face and lets you lay on his chest, he wants to remind you that he’s here for you always

hyunjin

-very relaxed about it, not in the way he doesn’t care but in the way he’s confident that he can take care of you !

-he makes sure to ask what you’d like to do though, he’s not really the type to be insistent on getting you to rest but he’ll gladly carry you to bed and get you some water and an advil

-cuddles you non stop and tries to take your mind off of it by telling stories about his day, tries to get you to doze off

-respects your space a lot and understands how it can get overbearing to have someone huddling you when you feel sick

-but no matter if you want him a thousand feet away or holding onto you like a koala bear he’ll be there for you with warm soup and a damp cloth

han

-has a flare for dramatics

-it’s a dizzy spell and you’re nauseous, and obviously he loves you and cares for you but unless there’s a more prominent issue he’ll just take care of you as per usual but with some theatrics to make you smile

-he’s a big distractor unlike Chan, he knows you can get over a nausea episode but he wants to help you get through it through methods other than painkillers and gallon bottles of water

-“oh woe is me, the love of my life has fallen ill to some treacherous curse! fortunately their handsome prince is here to save them with true love’s kiss…” “please just give me the Tylenol”

-pokes your cheek to make sure you’re still alive if you start dozing off because it makes him nervous

-takes funny photos to commemorate the occasion (you don’t think it’s that funny)

felix

-I think he’s much more insistent on you getting rest and taking it easy

-I think that he takes your health very seriously, as he knows personally that it’s best to take care of yourself and he just doesn’t ever want you to be hurt/in pain/uncomfortable

-he might seem a little panicky and rushed with trying to get you feel better but that’s because he really does but want to see you happy and okay again!

-you know those big water bottles that have little inspirational messages encouraging you to drink water?? he gets those for you while you rest up

-if it’s just a short dizzy spell he’ll immediately sit you down with a damp cloth and get you some food

-honestly he’s just the sweetest ever and very attentive to you no matter how minor or fleeting your nausea is

seungmin

-“I’m gonna throw up on you” “don’t you dare”

-has fun with it LOL, but not because he doesn’t care but entirely because he wants to see you smile and distract you from your head spinning

-“heeeeyyyy i brought you some noddle soup but if you throw up I’m gonna call my mom to take care of you because that’s really gross and I don’t wanna deal with that!! xoxo love you so much!”

-but that’s entirely a joke because the second you’re seriously discomforted and hurt he’s on the verge of tears and tending to you

-he’s gonna make it fun so you don’t just…feel nasty and gross and bad, because if you’re stuck with a dizzy spell then he’s gonna make you smile somehow

-sings “you make me feel…better!” to the tune of twice’s feel special while getting you some painkillers

jeongin

-takes it very seriously because he wants to be a good boyfriend for you

-I think that every time he faces a boyfriend scenario (you’re upset, nauseous, you need a ride somewhere…) he really pushes himself to be the best he can be for you

-but also it’s embarrassing if he gets all cheesy on you and he gets flustered if he has to take your temperature or if you start leaning on him because you’re still his super pretty significant other and you always make his heart beat fast

-doesnt really know how to approach on comforting you so he’ll just try to find a solution (i.e nearly calls emergency services)

-“it’s okay! everything’s a-okay!!” and he’s more worried than you are (mainly because the world is spinning and you are this close to leaning over the nearest trash can, so you don’t really have the energy to be as anxious about this as he is)

-“jeongin, babe, can we just go home?? I don’t think you need to take me to the hospital…” “but like…are you sure??”

[lcvejoy]

speak now

wilbur soot x gn!reader

tw!: alcohol, throwing up, angst? hurt/comfort. kinda makes no sense; not proofread.

word count: 1,336

a/n: i hate this but i rlly just wanted to post bc i miss it. more stuff coming! this is just to get me back into the groove of writing and sharing lol. clearlyyyy i write too much angst im sorry i just thrive in it. ill write more fluff! expect more!

wilbur is lying on the vinyl kitchen flooring when he calls.

he’s wine drunk and crying like an overtired toddler. wails of grief and laboured breaths, clutching his phone with one hand and gripping his hair with the other. the cold surface of the floor giving him some relief for his overheated body.

“hey, you’ve reached y/n! i must be super busy, but leave a message and i’ll get back to you when i can!” he’s heard that voicemail hundreds of times this week. he loves hearing your voice, even if only through a phone speaker.

“baby?” he sniffles, wiping his snot on his sleeve, “hey darling, hey y/n.”

a shaky breath, “listen i-“ he looks at at the ceiling, silently cursing himself, “i need you to tell me where you are, okay?” he catches a sob before it escapes, trying to display strength. “we’re all so worried about you. i-i’m so worried about you.” he’s dizzy, the room is spinning now. he reaches his hand out to lay flat against the floor in an attempt to steady himself.

“just call me. or text one of us. anyone. w-we just want to know you’re okay.” wilbur can no longer hide his misery. his voice is wobbly and it cracks at the beginning of each sentence.

“i love you, y/n. i-i love you so much it hurts.” he begins to feel the bile rise in his throat, “come home, okay?” he hangs up. he gets up from the floor on shaky legs, stumbling his way to the bathroom, and lets out of the contents of his stomach. he’s coughing and spitting, hugging the toilet and resting his head on the side of the seat.

he flushes the toilet and scoots back to lay his back against the opposite wall. he leans his head back, closing his eyes, before crumbling again. loud sobs, fat tears, hiccups and laboured breaths. the pain and grief hits him like a train.

there was an argument between you two the night you left. he hasn’t seen you since, and nobody has heard from you. your phone, however, has remained on - proven by the fact that wilbur has been able to leave you voicemails and each of his texts deliver. both, however, go unanswered and unread.

he is riddled with guilt - his brain playing every possible scenario. hurt, kidnapped, murdered, lost, alone. although, his hopeful side prays you’re at your parents house and you just don’t want to talk to anyone.

he picks up his phone and calls again. he leaves more voicemails. he does this for hours until he’s sober with a pounding headache and a broken heart.

until, finally, “wilbur, please stop calling.”

you answer. he’s frozen, sitting up from his leant over position quickly.

“y/n?” he’s convinced he’s hallucinating, that this isn’t real, that you didn’t actually pick up your phone.

“i’m fine, wil. i’m safe. please stop calling and go to sleep.” you seem annoyed, your voice is heavy with exhaustion; like he’s woken you up multiple times with his constant calls.

“w-where are you?” he’s frantic.

“i’m safe.” you respond, sternly.

“stop calling, wil.” it comes out like a warning.

“are you going to come back?” he asks, the emotions bubbling in his gut, “please, y/n. please come home.”

he hears you sigh. he holds his breath as he waits for your answer.

“i’m sorry i worried you” you began, “i just needed some space. i’m coming home in a couple days.”

wilbur falls apart with relief. he cries without the pain and grief present.

“we will talk more about it when i come back. just-“ you pause.

“just give me some space, okay? get some sleep.” you speak gently.

he nods, wiping the tears spilling down his cheeks.

“i love you” he sobs.

“i love you, too” you whisper. you hang up, and wilbur cries more.

two days later, wilbur hears keys jingling at his front door as he sits on the couch. he rises to his feet so quickly that he stumbles slightly, nearly tripping. he watches the lock switch, the door handle twist, and the door begin to slowly swing open. he’s frozen as he watches, wide-eyed.

you walk in, a small bag in hand. you haven’t yet noticed wilbur’s presence as you lock the door and remove your shoes, setting your bag down on the floor next to you.

finally, you look up. you freeze upon meeting wil’s eyes. you both stand there - staring in each others eyes, mouth slightly agape, feet planted in place.

wilbur’s mouth opens as if he’s going to say something, but the words get caught in his throat. he gulps, feeling the emotions rise to his eyes.

“hi wil” you break the silence with a small whisper.

his lip quivers, a tear falls down his cheek.

“hi” his voice cracks as he whispers back.

there’s a beat of silence as you both remain solid in your places. wilbur is silently crying, staring at you. you can feel your eyes welling with tears as you speak again; “i’m sorry i left” you begin, “i just needed some space. i should’ve told you where i was going. that was incredibly selfish of me.” you look down, your fingers anxiously playing with the hem of your shirt. you swallow before beginning again, “it killed me to not talk to you, but we both needed time apart.” you look up to meet wilbur’s eyes again. he has tears steadily streaming down his cheeks, his mouth is slightly open. you are finally taking in just how broken he looks; his hair is a mess, he has dark eye bags as if he hasn’t slept since the night you left, his skin is pale and dry. you feel like the shittiest human being on earth for having caused him this pain. you quickly wipe the tear that falls from your eye.

wilbur gulps again before speaking in a hushed voice and broken tone; “i never want to go that long wondering if you’re okay again. w-wondering if i’ll ever see you again. i-“ a choked sob leaves his lips. he breathes deeply before continuing, “i was s-so scared that the only time i would ever hear your voice again was through your voicemail message.”

you can’t stop the tears from flowing down your cheeks as he speaks. you nod as you look down.

“i’m so sorry” you crumble, both of you letting out soft sobs and hitches of sharp breaths.

“let me hold you” wilbur speaks up, “please, l-let me hold you.”

all you can do is nod. the words won’t form. so you do; you nod as he quickly steps forward.

and as he reaches you, he pulls you into him. his hands wrap themselves around your middle as his head buries into your neck. you wrap your arms around his neck and pull your face into his chest, breathing him in. you can feel his hot tears on your skin and his body jump as he lets out quiet sobs.

you stand there, in the living room of your shared apartment, holding each other and crying together for an unmeasurable amount of time. until eventually, the sobbing subsides and all that is heard is sniffles.

wilbur pulls away from the hug and instead, brings his hands to your face and rests his forehead against yours. you hold his forearms and close your eyes. you missed this - you missed being close to him, feeling him, smelling him. you missed him.

he missed you equally as much.

“never again” he whispers, as his thumbs begin moving against your cheeks.

“never again” you repeat in an equally quiet voice.

you both smile slightly. wilbur moves his head up to leave a long, lingering kiss on your forehead before returning his forehead to yours.

a silent vow of forgiveness, a silent vow of “i’m sorry.”

and yet, there is a quiet but heard vow of a promise to never let this happen again.