#im also trying to think about how i will self-study for the rest of summer when this is done to cope

[darlinguistics]

hello study friends yesterday i was anxious all day and could not make myself do a single thing and cried like 3 times to several different people and it sure did not help me in how i was already behind on homework but!!!! today i sent an email and tried to start a group project and texted my group partner and i still have a few hours until class!! so now im either going to stare off into space until class or hopefully read up on the textbook and try some of the hw for the sections i missed when i was absent, we shall see. also i have like,, 3 tests lmao. we have a quiz and a test today plus i have to stay after to make up another quiz, 😵‍💫 word of advice if youre in a very fast paced 6 week course maybe try not to miss a day lol

[dokifluffs]

Head Pats | Akaashi, Hinata

Pairing: Akaashi X Reader (gender neutral), Hinata X Reader (female) 

Genre: comfort fluff!!!~~

Author’s Note: i’ve said it so many times but OH TO BE Y/N !!! hinata;s is actually kinda angsty ngl sooo ah ha ha 

Warnings! implied time skip. No spoilers for Akaashi but spoilers for timeskip hinata!! 

Head Pats | Suga, Atsumu 

gif from @rivaillerose 💛💛

Akaashi: NOTE - R/N is restaurant name

“I don’t know this.. I don’t know this…”

Panic

It was all you could feel in ever bit of your soul as your heart sank after reading question after question, skipping the ones you didn’t know

But doing this only brought you to the end of the test where you didn’t know anything

Panic

Everyone progressed through their exam in a timely manner and here you were

It felt like you were the only one who wasn’t moving their pencil in the slightest bit

You stared at the words on the test paper before you, all the pencil sounds surrounding you — you felt like such a failure

Like all the hours you spent, all the effort you put into this course, and maybe others, were all for naught

You took a deep breath as you gathered yourself, pushing through your exam

As you took it, some questions were actually fine, majority was alright but they all made you feel uneasy with your answer, making you doubt everything

Sitting in this lecture hall, how grand and tall it was yet here you were, so small. This room used to be filled with your professor’s voice yet here it was — silence

“Time. Pencils down.” Your professor’s voice cut through eh silence like a blade. “Close your packets, slide them into your envelope and pass them down your row. Students at the end of the row pass the envelopes down.”

The shuffling of papers and whispers made your head dizzy, your heart trembling as you closed your final exam

You were done

It was finally over

“All tests are in, you are all dismissed. Have a great summer break!” your professor smiled

Everyone gathered their belongings, chatting amongst themselves as they shook the professor’s hand on the way out

“It was great to have you in class Y/N,” your professor smiled so kindly as he shook your hand one final time. “Have a great summer!”

“You too, professor,” you forced a smile but as soon as you stepped out of the lecture hall, you could hear all the complaints from your classmates as they complained about the test

“I honestly gave up bro, like I didn’t know anything” a guy commented freely as he walked toward the exit

“Bruh I know like I remember him teaching the material but that was it.”

Hearing all the comments sort of like this eased you just a bit but just knowing that you were going to see such a bad score

It made you sick to your stomach, making everything feel wrong

The warm summer sun welcomed you as you stepped outside of the hall

You felt so miserable, all you wanted now was Akaashi, his hand to pat your head and to shoo everything you felt that made you feel so stuffy

“Y/N,” a voice called

The sound of this voice brought tears automatically to your eyes before you could even look up to see the owner of this voice

Your body seemed to move on its own towards your boyfriend as all the emotions and tears that had built up within you during your exam came rushing out

he smiled to you as if nothing was wrong in the world when everything felt wrong 

he wore black jeans with a white shirt and navy blue cardigan with the sleeves rolled up

You wrapped your arms around him, burying your face into his chest and shoulder 

“Oh, Y/N, was it that bad?” He stroked his hand on your head 

“Mmhmm,” you nodded, stifling all your cries and whimpers the best you could but you knew it was already too late - you could feel how swollen and stuffy your nose were 

“I feel like I didn’t know anything and it was so frustrating and depressing to just sit there.” You buried your face into your palms, trying not to break down even more when all you wanted to do right now was to disappear 

“I’m sorry, but it’s over, alright?” Akaashi rubbed your shoulders as a way to comfort you as he smiled at others passing and staring at what was going on but he could also hear the others complaining about the exam you had just taken 

“Y/N?” he leaned down, carefully parting your hands from your face, smiling once you opened your eyes to him. “I brought you these since I know I haven’t been able to really support you properly while you were studying.”

he handed you a bouquet of your favorite flowers 

your lips trembled even more as you cried tears of something else from his loving gesture 

“What’s wrong now?” he laughed as he rolled down his sleeves, using them to dry your face, a sound so pure from him, it made life feel alright 

“N-nothing, I’m just so happy to see you,” you lowered your head down once again only for akaashi to wrap his arms around you, kissing the top of your head 

“negativity begone,” he repeated the words in between every kiss as he gently rocked the two of you side to side 

“Come on, let’s go to R/N, hm? We can talk about anything you want and we can do anything you want now or after, okay?” 

Bonus: 

your sniffles felt like they were never going to end as you sadly drank your drink, letting it refresh you as Akaashi adored you from across the table, happy that your tears and sadness and frustrations from your exam were no longer 

The restaurant was empty as cars whizzed by outside

your heart sank hearing the email notification from your professor  

upon opening it, your soul left your body as all the tears you thought you were done shedding came bac for round two 

“Y/N! What is it?” Akaashi’s brows knitted together as he had never seen you so emotional before 

you couldn’t even begin to speak or try to - all you did was show him your phone

“Hi all, I know this semester was very tough but you all know how much I care about the class. This final exam was not an actual exam nor will I actually be giving one. As for your final grade, I have based that on today’s attendance so everyone will be passing. Have a great summer.” - your professor 

it was unbelievable but all your worries for the last couple of hours were for nothing 

Gif from @rivaillerose​ 💛💛

Hinata: note - pedro is hinata’s roommate in Brazil and he works as a delivery boy to make money 

the door shut behind his body, enclosing him into his dark bedroom, the only source of light coming from outside was from the streetlamp and the bustling night market 

he leaned back against the cool wooden door as it separated Hinata from the lively atmosphere of the rest of the house as Pedro watched One Piece on the TV 

the floor made a loud thud as his body slid down the door, disappointment filling him up as he thought about what had happened 

the new wallet Natsu had gifted him before leaving to Brazil was nowhere to be found in his fanny pack as he ran his deliveries 

for once, the human sun didn’t feel so bright 

he signed as he looked to his dark room, bits and horizontal lights from the street casting onto his wall through the blinds 

the street lift bustling on the street right outside as usual 

a sinking feeling felt like it was only getting deeper and deeper inside his chest as he hugged his arms with his knees, a cool breeze from the floor brushing his legs 

he really screwed up losing his precious wallet

he had never felt so dumb 

his groans and sighs filled the room as he sat in his pool of self disappointment, slowly sinking deeper and deeper 

until his phone rang 

it rang with his bright ringtone, lifting the mood instantly since this particular ringtone was dedicated for you 

everyone had their own ringtone in his phone 

and it was like a breath of fresh air when he sighed, grateful he didn’t lose this today 

He opened the flap of his case, his face suddenly illuminated by the device in hand 

“Shoyo!” you beamed, your bright aura illuminating through his screen even into the darkest places within him, eradicating as much negativity as you unintentionally could 

“Y/N, hi!” he beamed, almost completely forgetting his major bump in the road 

“How are you doing? How was your day?” you asked, the sun shining on the side of your face from what he could see on his phone 

you were clearly still in bed but then again, you did just wake up 

“It was alright...” he tried to smile, trying to be okay but there was just something deeper about this hurt inside as it pooled 

even talking to you - when you would almost always heal him, right now, he couldn’t feel too much of it 

“I uh, lost my wallet today, so that’s bumming...” he rest his phone on his bed as he held it up with his hand, his chin resting into the side edge of his bed

“oh no, the one Natsu gave you?” you asked, hoping it wouldn’t be too serious. “Could you like call the police station and ask if they find it or if it like turns up?” 

“No.. it’s not like back home...” he sighed, clearly dejected 

your thoughts scurried as you thought of alternatives, thinking of ideas that you could possibly suggest to help him find it 

“How’s home? how’s everyone doing?” he asked, his voice light and soft, airy as if he had just woken up from a nap, his question reaching back home, back to the place he longed the most

where he wished he could be right now...

“shoyo, lean forward,” you smiled warmly, able to see his somewhat lagged, pixelated face through your phone

“what?” he asked confused 

“just bring your phone to your head. Im gonna pat your sadness away even though I can’t really do it how I normally would, but better than nothing.” 

He did as you asked, bringing his device to his forehead, feeling the warmth of the screen, feeling the breeze from his cracked windows open, letting his imagination take flight, imagining it was you that was here with him 

you sitting on the edge of his bed, patting his hair, playing with your tangerine as you normally would, his head resting in your lap 

“shoo shoo,” you cooed, silly, hoping this would help in the slightest 

he could hear the pat of your hand over your phone’s mic 

but there was just something 

this sudden hit of the real life that was his right now 

he was so far from home in a foreign country, chasing his dream when so many others his age right now would be at school, planning a career and their future for themselves 

and you 

you were so far 

his family, his friends, you, god you 

his nose sniffled as subtle rumbles sounded in his ears, his eyes blinking, widening with every blink to hide the sudden pink in them, the tears lining his waterline 

he kept his phone to his head, subtly seeing the glow of his screen through his closed eyes, wishing you really could reach through the phone or at least he could just be back home soon 

but there was quite a great time before this could happen and he knew it vividly 

“shoyo? You okay?” you held your own phone, turning onto your side so the sun no longer shined right into your eyes 

there was just calm breathing from his end before an airy “mmhm..” 

“Tsuki got promoted at the museum and I’m gonna be going out with Yachi later today, and then Yams is gonna join us..” you paused, still not seeing his face 

“We’re all doing okay, sho. So is Natsu and your mom,” you chimed cheerily for him. “They miss you just as much but don’t worry. You’re gonna be home before you know it and I just know you’re going to blow everyone away with how much you improved.” 

“I know you will, Sho. All the time you’re spending there will pay off..” you paused. “Even Kags thinks so, haha. We hang out together sometimes and he pretty often goes off about how you better be ready to go against him cause of your guys’ never ending battle.”  

“Thank you, Y/N,” and that was when you finally saw him. 

he smiled brightly with tears streaming down his cheeks, dripping off his chin 

these words

your voice 

this is what he needed 

he needed this more than anything to satiate the homesickness that grew within him every single day 

he needed to remember these words - that you and everyone are supporting him all the way across the world

bonus: from Chapter 371 - On The Other Side Of The Globe (vol 42/54) 

~~~~~

Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else!

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[jem-2096]

Brunette from Mars - (Peter Parker One shot)

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of fighting/abuse, FLUFFY AF! 

(This could be read as ftm!peterparker and/or regular MCU Peter Parker)

This one shot is inspired by the song mars by Yungblud. Go give it a listen if you haven't! 

You and the brunette haired boy with deep honey coloured irises quickly became good friends. You commuted to school each morning together after learning you lived in the same apartment in Queens while your first day of highschool in homeroom. You were paired for some lame icebreakers to get to know other students. He had nervously blabbed to you about how he had moved apartments with his aunt over the summer and as you got to know him better over time, he let you know the reason why they moved.

You quickly learned that the brunette was a great listener, quick witted, fairly thoughtful, determined with his studies, had a passion for tinkering with programming and computer tech and secretly kept a picture of Daisy Ridley as Rey from Star Wars in his desk that you won't let him live down. 

Two summers ago, the brunette had quite the glow up that to be honest made your stomach do flips. After returning from a trip to Detroit with his Aunt May to visit family, the brunette came back to school with his braces off and a nice build to him compared to the lanky string bean he was when he had left in that June. 

With this overnight glow up also came this new habit of him flaking on you and really everyone without reasonable explanations. He would come to school with bruised knuckles, scratches on his face, and more often than not bags under his eyes. Although he seemed exhausted, his smile and upbeat self usually didn't seem to waver. His eyes did however seem to say otherwise whenever his honey brown irises met yours. 

Unless he flaked on an important commitment, you didn't display emotions or words for his lack of presence. His world didn't revolve around you and you accepted that. You reminded yourself to try not to hold him back from what he loved because you were a good friend and wanted what was best for him, even if it was draining him. 

"I'm free to study for algebra after dinner tonight." You stated to the brunette, looking past him out the city bus window as the buildings, and trees whirled past you. You weren't looking for an answer at this point, just giving him an open invitation to come over if he had nothing better to do on his Thursday night. You saw him nod out of the corner of your eye as he leaned his head against the pole you both were holding onto and closed his eyes. The bus was quiet this morning as you watched the orange sunrise dance over the brunette's features and could hear the beat of whatever song he was listening to through his headphones. 

A GPS like voice came over the bus intercom as you turned the corner. "Grand Central Parkway at 65th Avenue". You pulled the chord on the side of the bus for the bus driver to stop and gently shook the brunette's shoulder. As you saw his honey coloured eyes once again, you nodded in the direction of the door for you to both get off. 

You were early to school today seeing as you made the transfer bus in time for the first time in forever. Walking through the dewy grass on the field together, you pointed at an open picnic table near the tennis courts. 

Setting your backpack down, you opened it grabbing out two granola bars and an apple. The brunette slumped down beside you to face away from the sun. As he set his coffee on the table, his head immediayley went into his folded arms. You placed one of the granola bars infront of him, and sat facing the courts. Stretched your legs out and crossing your ankles, you flipped through one of your novels, quickly finishing up your AP lit reading before class. 

"Thanks." You heard him pipe up in a monotone voice as he shoved the granola bar in his pocket. You nodded, nose still in your novel. He knew by now that he didn't have to put on an act around you. "We gotta go in, in 20. I'll wake you in 15, kay?" 

He nodded as his head was back in his arms, facing away from you. You heard him let out an audible sigh as you finished up the last of your notes. 

"Pete?" You ask hesitantly, resting your hand on his shoulder. He didn't respond. "You know, you can tell me anything right? I won't push you. The offer still stands. No judgement. Alright?" You say quietly, softly rubbing your hand down his jacket clad back and let it drop off to collect your things and pack up your bag. 

The alarm you set on your phone goes off as you see him prop his head up and wipe his eyes on his sleeve out of the corner of your eye.

'Oh Peter. Sometimes, as close as we are, I wish it didn't feel as though there was a cement wall between us.' You thought to yourself as you scrolled through your phone. As you both stood to walk up to the school, to your surprise, as cold and distant as he had been recently, he pulled you into his side. You wrapped your arms around his torso giving him a quick hug. 

After taking attendance in home room and catching up with MJ about her latest find in the school library, you were dismissed to your first period class. "Leave your window open at 6." You heard the brunette pipe up at your lockers. "Always." You nodded, giving him a small smile before parting ways to your classes. 

You quickly glanced at your alarm clock on your desk reading 8:30 pm. Quickly realizing you were running out of graph paper in your notebook as you flipped to a fresh page, you scribbled down the next practice question. Your headphones blasted one of your new favourite songs as you disconnected them from the bluetooth on your phone to play out loud. "Do you feel like your irrelevant, do you feel like your just scared as fuck.." You quietly sang along, writing a note to get more graph paper in the near future, as you heard a thud from the window beside you. 

Swiveling in your chair, you look up to see the silhouette of the brunette. As he steps into the light of your desk lamp and sits on your bed you can see his eyes are red and his knuckles are beginning to bruise again. He kicks off his sneakers as you hesitantly stand from your chair to go and to sit beside him. 

He immediately buries his face in his hands as he quietly cries. You try your best to not show the hurt on your face from seeing him like this as you gently rub his back. You go to sit behind him up against the wall. You bring your hands around his waist gently holding him, letting your legs dangle on either side of him and rest your head on his shoulder. 

When you no longer hear uneven breathing, you sit back up and one hand goes to the hair on the nape of his neck, softly playing with his locks, while the other gently rubs circles on his back. 

"I'm sorry." You hear him sigh out. "Im so fucking sorry." He pleads as he begins to cry again. "I'm here. Just breathe Pete." You say calmly as you wrap your legs around his waist and hug him tighter. You take deep breaths for him to mimic to try and calm him back down. 

"I keep fucking up Y/n/n, and I don't know what to do anymore." He painfully lets out. You take in his words and quickly think of an appropriate response. "Everyone I try to become close with has ended up hurt or passed away, I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders and have to fill his shoes. No matter what decisions I make I still always end up letting someone down. I'm just so fucking tired Y/n." Although his words are a jumbled mess to you, you nod. You let go of the tense brunette and sit beside him. "Take your shirt off and go lie on your stomach." You say to him as he looks at you somewhat confused but does as he's told and props his head up on his folded arms. 

You can see the faded scars and healed wounds on his arms, shoulders and back, wondering who gave these to him. As you sit straddling his waist, your hands go to his shoulders and back massaging his tense and knotted muscles. He lets out a big sigh of relief after realizing what's going on. He softly mewls as you gently work the knots out. Once all the tension in his back and shoulders is gone, you lay close beside the half awake brunette. 

"Thank you." He states sincerely, as he rolls to face you. You know that his words of gratitude are for more than just the back massage. You nod, reaching your hand up to run your hands softly through his locks to relax him further as his eyes flutter shut at your touch. "We're all only capable of so much Pete. Please, don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm. It's a hard pill to swallow but its impossible to win every battle and win everyone over. I know it's easier said than done, and it'll take some time to figure everything out, but I'll be here every step of the way though alright?" You whisper softly, and reach for his hand giving it a squeeze as he nods. "I'll let you get some rest." You sigh out, sitting up, bringing the blanket at the end of the bed over his larger frame and bend down giving a kiss to his temple. "Goodnight love." You whisper.

After another hour and a half of battling through algebra questions, you quietly change into some sweats and open up your netflix account to get your mind off your math problems and your worries of Peter. Picking up your laptop, your half empty waterbottle falls to the floor with a thud. Your gaze darts over to your bed to see the naturally curly headed brunette sound asleep. Your heart flutters as you catch him pull the covers up to his chin and nuzzle his nose into the pillow and blankets while he curls his legs up into the fetal position. You sit on the floor beside your bed as the light from the movie on netflix illuminates your bedroom. You have the subtitles on and the movie on the lowest volume as you rest your back against the bed frame. 

After a few minutes you begin to hear the brunette stir and roll over to face the movie. "Is this that BoxTrolls movie?" You hear him croak out in a deep voice that makes your heart flutter. "No, this one's Paranorman. It's in my top 5." You respond, your gaze still on the screen. You feel his fingers playing with the ends of your hair softly, trying his best not to disturb you even though you've seen this movie more times than you can remember. 

He pushes all of your hair over to one of your shoulders and rests his chin on the opposite one. "You know, you don't have to sit on the floor right? I don't bite Y/n." He states sleepily in your ear. You quickly catch your breath at how close he is as you comprehend the words coming out of his mouth and nod standing. You place your laptop on your desk chair and wheel it over in front of the bed. Looking over to the brunette laying confortably in your bed, he holds the blanket open for you to get in. "One sec." You say as you take off your hoodie, revealing your white tank top underneath that clung to the hills and slopes of your natural curves. You had ditched your bra long before the Brunette had arrived, remembering that it's laying in the clothes hamper and not on your body. You looked back down to see the brunette's arm still holding the blanket open, his honey eyes on you. They slowly wandered down your silhouette to see the loose sweatpants hung low on your hips and back up to meet your gaze. The dark room concealed the deep blush you felt on your cheeks from his gaze. 'Too late now..' you thought as you climbed under the blanket. Your back rested up against Peter's larger frame. His arm snaked around your waist, pulling you closer to him. "Is this okay y/n/n?" The brunette questioned. You nodded, trying your best to calm your breathing as you felt his warm, gentle touch on your skin. You hoped and prayed he couldn't hear your heartbeat pounding in your chest. 'I feel so safe and at home in his arms but the last thing he needs right now is a girlfriend. And why would he want to be with me anyways. We're just friends and he probably just needs physical affection from someone right now.' You thought to yourself. 

You let out a soft sigh at your thoughts. "You okay sweetheart?" He asks softly, as you feel his warm lips peck the back of your exposed neck. Your face is on fire at this point. 'He's just tired Y/n. Calm down. Dont say anthing stupid'  "Yeah, I just feel safe in your arms." You murmur loud enough for him to hear. 'Idiot. You ruined it. Shit shit shit.' 

It became deathly quiet between you two. You could hear his breathing, the rain hitting your bedroom window, the cars driving on the street below, your upstairs neighbour walking around their apartment and the dull volume of the movie playing from your laptop.

"Y/n/n?" You heard him whisper.  

You rolled over to face him, burying your face in his chest, breathing in his warm cologne and body wash as you wrapped your arm around his waist and tangled your legs in his. Although you didn't have all the answers you were looking for, this the closest you two had been in over a year and you were happy that he was finally starting to let down his walls. 

He stroked your hair, planting a kiss on the crown of your head. "Goodnight love." He mumbled before all the sounds around you in the silence of your bedroom coaxed you to sleep. 

You had woken up to your alarm at 6:30am to find the spot beside you empty. 

The brunette swore that was the best sleep he had had in months he thought, reminiscing as he climbed down the fire escape after quickly showering and getting ready to meet you before catching the bus. You heard a knock on your window before he slid it open and sat on the sil. He fiddled with tge metro card in his hands as a small smile crept onto his face watching you concentrating on finishing your eyeliner and mascara. You take a step back to look in the mirror to see if your wings are symmetrical, seeing the brunette looking at you with a sheepish grin in the reflection. He looked well rested for once, his eyes kind and soft, glancing at you in adoration. Your heart beats out of your chest as you spin around to look at him. 

"One sec." You say quickly rushing out to the kitchen to grab some food before packing up your bag. Pulling on your coat and beanie, as you walk towards the window sill the brunette is lounging on.

"Before we go, I uhm... forgot to tell you something.. last night." He says looking down at his hands as you reach out gently hold his larger ones. "Y/n.. I uhm-" he looks up at you, scanning your features, trying his best to read your emotions. You see him glance down quickly at your soft lips. 'I can't take this. Screw always being a good friend.' You thought as you leaned in, placing a hand on his cheek and a soft kiss to his lips. Your thumb stroked his cheek as he leaned back in for another. Your forehead rested against his. "Was that what you wanted to tell me?" You asked in a hushed tone, looking down at his lips again. He nodded before giving them another peck. "Uhm.. we better go before we-" "oh.. yeah, your right. Shit!" You say, quickly checking the time on your phone. 

As you dashed down the fire escape and towards the bus stop, his hand never left yours as you jogged behind him giggling at his antics of repeating "Shit" as he saw the bus waiting for you at your stop as you both jogged towards it. You couldn't see it but for the first time in a while, a genuine smile adorned the brunette's face and through whatever he was battling with, knowing you were by his side, there would be plenty more to come. 

[jubilantwriter]

Heart Shaped like Sea Glass

(First)  (Previous)  (Next)

Part 5:  Slow Sort of Burn

Summary:  Quiet moments never sat too well with Jasper.  Perhaps that’s why he finds himself discussing the art of cooking with the siren.

im gonna be spacing these out so that i don’t spam the tags lmao sorry about that last week. there should be a new one every friday or so!  it’ll be incredible to see how long i can keep this up

// // // // //

The shack is quiet.  It's been quiet since that day on the beach.  The siren barely makes a sound as he shuffles about the shack, slowly gutting a fish with his talons.

Jasper remains where he's curled up on the bed.  It's... odd.  Normally the blonde is huffing and grousing about Jasper's refusal to get up.  On better days, they even have a semblance of conversation.

But...

The siren stabs a stick through the fish and lays it to roast by the fire.  He grabs another and starts his work on the second fish.  And all the while, he remains silent.  

He's been like this since the last time he's sung.  Jasper remembers the vision clearly - David, smiling with arms held open for a hug, only to have the forest framing him from behind.

The same forest that killed and took David away from him.

It's strange, how comforting a siren's song can be.  Jasper could reach out and grab David, save him from the forest and hold him close until the delusion ends.  A dreamlike delusion that he wishes would never end.  That's why he hopes the siren will sing again, just so he can hold David in his arms and pretend that everything is okay.  That's why he hopes the siren will kill him before the delusion ends, before he's forced back into the reality where he failed his David.  

A reality in which the siren that's supposed to be preparing him to be a meal is... preparing him a meal.  

The warm breath against his neck that day was just a reminder of what could have been.  He was more than ready for the siren to bite in and bring his miserable existence to an end.

But.

He didn't.

Instead, he pulled back and borrowed David's voice to suggest that they go inside.  

Since then, the siren hasn't spoken much but a few words a day.  And now, they remain in silence as the fire's crackles fill the air.  

The silence is haunting.  It reminds Jasper too much of empty cottages and pitying glances.  He thought that maybe running to the ocean would fill his empty life up with constant noise.  But no.

Here he is again.

The fire crackles, and Jasper's joints creak as he pushes himself up.  The siren's wings shift a bit at the bed's creaks, but he doesn't turn to look at Jasper.  Instead, he wraps his arms tight around his legs and stares deeply into the fire.  Jasper settles down next to him and watches the fish roast.

The skin of the fish looks crispy as the siren reaches forward to pull it from the fire.  He offers it wordlessly to Jasper as the other one cooks.  Jasper takes the fish, his appetite nonexistent as he turns the stick between his fingers.  Even without the feeling of eyes on him, he knows that the siren is waiting for him to take his first bite.  Sort of like a reassurance, maybe, that Jasper is willing to ingest some food for the day.  There are days when he can't bring himself to eat a sliver of food, and the siren doesn't leave until the next afternoon, only to return at night with some other creature he believes is edible.  The blonde thought maybe roasted worms would do the trick, but all he did was burn the poor creatures.  The smell of roasting worms however convinced Jasper to at least take a small bite of his food to calm the siren.

It's what he does now, taking a nibble of the roasted fish and wondering what kind it is.  The siren used to tell him all sorts of names for the fish he takes back to Jasper.  Now, he sits in silence and stares into the flames.  Jasper sighs as he spins the fish between his fingers.  He thinks he knows why the siren won't speak to him.  It's how he refuses to look at Jasper, how his fingers twitch against his arms, how careful he is with his voice.

The quiet guilt reminds him of David, how the ginger would stare at his feet, shuffling nervously as he wrung his hands and bit his lip as he tried to find the right moment to say, "I'm sorry".  Jasper takes a steadying breath.

The siren isn't David.  No matter how much he resembles or reminds him of David.

And it's almost like instinct that Jasper knows what to say to get striking blue eyes to look at him.

"I'm not mad."  Shock colors the siren's face as he looks to Jasper.  "I'm really... not."  And he's telling the truth.  Because every time the siren sings, he gets one more moment with David.

One more chance to tell him sorry, to save him, to hold him in his arms.

For a handful of minutes, the siren lets Jasper live in a fantasy world where David is still here, still alive, and still so very vibrant.  Like the trees he loved to dance under in the spring, or the grass they used to tumble over as children.  Vibrant like the blooming flowers in the summer.  Vibrant like the singing songbirds that lived in the forest.

Vibrant.  Like red, silky hair and a smiling face dusted with freckles.  Vibrant.  Like the love they shared, turning every day into an endless summer of warmth and affection.

He takes a bite from his fish and notes the salty, wet taste.  And he smiles.

"I'm not mad."

The siren studies him, a mix of emotions swirling in eyes not green, before uncertainty settles on his face.

"You... are a strange human."

"Yeah."  Another bite.  "I guess so."

"...You should be mad."

"I can't be."  Jasper shakes his head, laughing hopelessly.  "Your songs are the only way I can see Davey again and I- I guess I just have to take my chances."

The siren's eyes narrow.  "Are you using me?"

"And aren't you?"  Jasper gestures at his fish.  "You're pretty much fattening me up.  One of these days, you're gonna kill me for food.  It's only fair that I take what I get."

"Which are my songs."

"Righto."  It's only fair.  If he has to die, he wants to do it in a fantasy where David holds him one last time.  It doesn't matter anymore.

Nothing matters anymore.

"So what, this is... permission?  To lure you out with my songs so that you can have your depraved little fantasy?"

"We already have a fucked situation, birdy."  He gestures between them.  "I'm your food.  You help me see Davey.  In the grand scheme of things, I think you still get to come out on top."

"Hmph."  Despite his words, the siren looks oddly... irked.  "That kind of talk will make you taste disgusting."

"...Excuse me?"

"What, you think feeding you fish is how I make your flesh taste better?  Please."  The siren rolls his eyes as he tugs a wing around him, talons running through his feathers carefully as he gets comfortable.  "There's more reason to luring humans with temptatious bait than just easily catching humans.  It's the emotions, the feelings that surge through you.  The way that you are right now, you'd taste no better than the sand collected in clams."

"Wow."  Jasper scoffs and tosses his fish at the blonde.  The blonde snaps it out of the air and growls at Jasper, no doubt annoyed that Jasper would try and waste the food.  "Tell me more about how nasty I'd taste, please.  It really does wonders for my sense of self."

"Think of it like this-"

"I didn't actually mean it-"

"-take, for instance, this fish."  He holds it up for Jasper to see.  "It's fine by itself, but the black nasty bits here," he points to the burnt skin, "are awful to taste.  Siren songs are like that fire," he points once more to the flames, "meant to add a little something more to the fish.  But all it's doing to you now is turning bits of you black and distasteful."  Nevertheless, the siren pulls the fish off and drops the entire thing into his maw, chomping down noisily before swallowing it quickly.  

"Can't you just, remove the burnt bits?"  Jasper watches as the siren takes out the remaining fish and shoves it into Jasper's hand.  He holds it, but doesn't eat.  "Then you wouldn't taste the bad parts."

"That's wasting food, and you know how I feel about that."  The siren looks at the food and to Jasper, huffing when he doesn't take a bite.  "And seeing how my songs are... turning you bad, I'd rather not sing anymore."

"Okay but, consider this."  He takes a bite to appease the siren and keep his attention.  "The fire also makes food good... if you're careful with it.  Maybe, if you're more careful with your songs, it could help me rather than hurt me."

The siren blinks.  Considers.  And frowns.

"And how would that work?"

"...What if I asked?"

"...Asked?"

"Yeah."  It's a long shot in the dark.  But, but.  He closes his eyes shut, and he can see David's face so, so clearly.  "It wouldn't be sudden, or surprising.  I'd expect it.  It wouldn't be as bad."  He opens his eyes and stares at the fire in front of them.  "The flames won't be so bad if we both watch them."

"I..."  The siren pauses, looking everywhere but at Jasper.  "I'll.. think about it."

"Alright."  It's not like he can force the siren.  It wouldn't sit right with Jasper.  But at least he gave it a shot.  "Just... it's fine.  To sing around me.  Like that.  If you want."

The fire crackles as they sit in silence.  Jasper manages two more bites before giving up.  The siren takes the fish and eats it slowly.  Finally, with the stick clean, he gets up, wings slowly curling around him.

"Get some rest."  The siren avoids looking at Jasper as he walks towards the door.  "I'll be back in the morning."

"...Okay."  The door closes with a bang, and Jasper is left alone in the shack.

The fire crackles as he sits in silence, and he hugs his knees to his chest.

Alone.

Again.

[eupark]

HI HI HI!! if you’re reading this i’m probably at work right now and being the worst admin ever... but that’s okay... kinda. i’m admin le, but you’re more than free to also call me lizzy, my pronouns are she/her, i’m 18+, and i reside in the est. i work pretty much full time at this point, but all my free time will be spent with everyone here at eonia! don’t hesitate to IM me here, or hit me up on discord (swooping is bad#8932) if you’re having any issues at all. without further adieu, lets move on to the actual intro here. spare a like, and ill come pester you for plots.

jonas can quite literally be summed up by this, this, and this. he started as a joke of a character but now i’m too deep into his psyche to have any other original ideas.

BACKGROUND

in the year 1995, his mother was admitted into a nursing school in florence, italy. always wanting to study abroad and get away from her home city of jinju, south korea, she was ECSTATIC about it. it took some convincing her parents, but she ultimately ended up in florence for her schooling.

fast forward to spring 1997, nearing the end of her second year at school, she met apollo. he was pretty, she was pretty, you get the rest! it was a tiny fling, and she winded up pregnant with this mess of a demigod; jonas.

born a couple days before valentine’s day in 1998 to a single mother, jonas park came into the world. there were more than a few times wherein his mother considered dropping out of school and returning to korea, both during and after her pregnancy. but a born out of wed-lock child wasn’t exactly favored in the eyes of jonas’ grandparents, so she usually felt as if she wouldn’t be welcomed back with open arms, nor would her child. therefore, she stayed in italy, and in school.

apollo wasn’t around an awful lot, even in passing, but every so often he’d make sure to give her a nudge, just to make sure she was keeping on her feet. we love a bare minimum lover<3

when jonas was old enough to wonder why he didn’t have a father in his life, his mother never went into much detail about it. as far as she saw it, jonas was hers and hers alone. no god would change that. so, ultimately, jonas grew up extremely close to his mother; for awhile, they were both all the other had in their lives.

a lot of his childhood was rather uneventful, surprisingly. as absent as apollo was, and still is, he’s always managed to keep jonas relatively safe. at least, from himself.

things started getting strange when he was around eleven, after his mother got married to his stepfather. the beginnings of puberty mixing with family dynamics changing ALSO with demigod abilities manifesting and getting stronger... let’s just say it wasn’t the most healthy mix.

at first it wasn’t too bad, though; his musical aptitude could’ve easily been thought of as mere skill. he adored music deeply, and began to dream about a music career around this age. audiokinesis was a skill in him naturally, but even before he knew he was a demigod, practicing his musical skill was important to him. whether it was learning guitar or piano or anything else that piqued his interest, he was all for it.

and though he had always been able to subside his mother’s pains by mere touch for a great majority of his life, it wasn’t until he was about twelve that he really became aware of his abilities in vitakinesis. this was also when he found out about being a demigod.

imagine a boy of twelve, at home alone after school due to both his mother and step-father being at their respective jobs. now imagine said idiot boy cooking and accidentally burning his hand on the stove rather severely, and quickly trying to get into contact with his mother. before he could, both the pain and wound quickly reduced. it was mostly thanks to divine intervention of his father, but it did trigger the majority of his vitakinesis abilities. naturally, he freaked the hell out. he was pretty sure he had just burned his hand… why had the pain vanished, and why was he left with a mere dull ache? instead of telling his mother what happened, though, and asking her if he was just completely crazy (he was pretty sure, at twelve, he already was), he decided to test the ability instead.

SELF HARM TW. the incident led to him being extremely stupid and reckless, often testing his ability several times over. he burned himself on the stove, jumped from heights that shouldn’t be jumped from, even picked fights with kids at school who he knew didn’t like him just to see if he could heal himself the way he seemed to that one day after school. usually, he was able to quite well. however, since he had little control and little knowledge of how his ability worked, he wound up with a couple badly sprained wrists and twisted ankles. when he was finally satisfied (if not a little bit scared) with what he could do to alleviate his own pain, he decided to ask his mother about it. she told him about apollo readily; she knew she would have to sooner or later, but she mostly did it so she would stop catching him being such an idiot.

he started going to camp that following summer. apollo took forever to claim jonas despite it being OBVIOUS that he was his son. therefore, jonas spent a few summers vibing with the hermes kids and the other unclaimed kids in the same cabin.  jonas was only claimed at fourteen because apollo pretty much had to do so.

camp was usually pretty uneventful, too. i mean, all things considered. his dad didn’t really talk to him much, he wasn’t on the brink of any wars, it was just... camp. a couple heartbreaks here and there, a burn scar that’s never quite healed, and a few encounters with monsters outside of camp walls because he was bored... but really? nothing TOO SPECIAL ever happened.

nearing the end of high school, jonas was ready to be done with schooling forever, as he was never big on getting favorable grades, nor did he want a career that required it. as far as he knew, he would figure things out.

WELL that didn’t happen. to turn a long story short his never going back to school plan turned into a gap year from school after a near death experience trying to be a normal person outside of a protective barrier<3

to make an even longer story shorter because this intro is extremely long he’s now in his second year at eonia, majoring in video game development after a miserable semester and a half as a music major.

PERSONALITY

copy and pasted from his app but you know!

jonas is generally fun-loving, with a go with the flow type of attitude matched with a firm dislike of critical thinking that may lead one to believe he’s never had a worry go through his pretty little mind. an assumption far from the truth, but he’d never give the inclination of otherwise. his mind constantly rustles with worries about the vagueness of the “future,” and he lives in fear that he’s never quite doing enough to keep up, especially for someone of his age. in a way, jonas is stuck in a never-ending cycle of his own inertia. most of these existential fears, however, live beneath the surface, and are rarely spoken to another soul.

to the world outside of his head, he is extroverted, with a mouth that runs faster than his legs ever could. jonas is loyal and optimistic, both nearly to a fault and never for his own favor. since he runs on limited brain capacity and an annoying desire to be liked by every individual he meets, his buoyancy can become quite tiresome to many rather quickly. a passion for music hums through his veins, and many dreams reside in his heart, but life has always told him that no matter how hard he tried, he’d always come in second place. instead of overcompensating, it’s instead a complete rarity for jonas to put one hundred percent of his soul into anything; that is to say, it is rare for jonas to try his absolute hardest. to him, second place has its silver linings, and sometimes some shade. well, at least he’s an enthusiastic runner-up.

[shawnies-rihno-blog]

Ready For Me

A/n= Its mostly based on Ready for me by Alessia Cara. I hope you enjoy reading this. Thank you so much for reading!

WC: 2.3k

Where y/n and Shawn have feelings for eachother, but y/n can’t help but feel ignored by Shawn, so she tells him to come back for her, when he’s ready.

Warning; Brief mention of Camila + Angsty + also sum cussing

-----

 It was about 2:45am, and everyone had left Shawn’s apartment. Now Shawn and I were cuddling in his bed, looking out his big window, seeing the city of Toronto alive as ever. As I look at the CN tower changing colours, I think about how I should not be here, that i should leave, because in the end I always end up hurt. Not him.

“It’s gorgeous isn’t it,” Shawn comments, as he intertwined our fingers together under the blanket.

“Ya. Kinda weird how the city looks so alive even though it's way past midnight,” I replied quietly, not wanting to ruin this peaceful vibe.

You should Leave. Leave. Leave. Dumbass Leave.

“It’s not more gorgeous than you though.”

I smile. You’re falling for him. Why are you being stupid. Leave right now.

I know I should listen to the voice in my head, but he’s so addicting, more addictive than nicotine. He is like a cigarette though, he’s bad for me but I can't have enough of him. And whenever he calls i cave in, even though the last time was supposed to be the last time I saw him.

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” he says, after awhile.

“Yea,” I say knowing he doesn’t mean it.

“You know that, y/n,” 

I hum in response. Shawn was leaving Toronto tomorrow to start his North American Leg of the tour. Shawn and I weren't just friends, because friends don’t do what we do, but what we have, it's not a relationship. It isn't friendship with benefits either, because that’s just sexual attraction towards each other and this relationship isn’t based on sex. Honestly, it’s complicated like a Facebook status. 

Whenever Shawn’s back in Toronto, he calls me saying he misses me, and that we should have breakfast together. He calls me over so I can sleep over at his place because he likes me very deeply. And then he leaves, whether it’s for tour, promo, or L.A. He forgets to call me and ask me if i'm okay, or even text, as if I never existed in his life. Then he’s seen with a girl, and i every single time I pretend that I couldn't care less. 

  He keeps saying it’s for “PR” and to help him with his new release, everytime he comes back to Toronto. But then I overhear him talking about how good she was in bed with his friends and I can't help but feel a little heartbroken. But I shouldn’t right, because we are not dating.

“You gonna stay the night here?” Shawn questions.

“Probably not,” I reply.

“Is there anything I can do to make you stay?” he asks suggestively, starting to lightly peck the crook of my neck.

“Shawn, you should go to sleep you have to wake up on time for you’re flight,”

“But I'd rather spend that time with you,” he says. And I look up to him seeing sincerity in his eyes. These are the moments that mess with my head, telling me what we have is real and that i'm actually important to Shawn.

“Please, y/n,” he says again. “C’mon it’s my last night, and i wanna spend it with you,” he continues.

“Okay,” I agree reluctantly. “ But all we are going to do is sleep, cus I have an early class tomorrow and you have to catch a flight,” I added.

“As long as I'm with you baby, nothing else matters,” he adds lovingly. So much for being just friends.

----

I wake up to sunlight shining brightly in my eyes. Then i feel little pecks on my face. On my forehead, both cheeks, my nose and lastly my lips. I instantly smiled, knowing who is kissing me.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty,” Shawn says raspily, with a wide smile on his face.

“Morning, what time is it.” 

“7:15.”

“Oh okay, i have to leave in like 20,”

“Why don’t you go freshen up, and i’ll make you breakfast?” Shawn suggests.

“Watch you burn down the whole kitchen,” I add cockily.

“I’m an amazing cook! And i don’t burn stuff,” he replies defensively.

“Mhmm. I'm gonna pretend to believe that.”

I get out of his bed and head to the bathroom freshening up. When I’m done I head to the kitchen, meeting a shirtless Shawn who is wearing only his pajama pants. It wouldn’t be horrible to be stuck with this view for the rest of my life.

He turns around, clearly amused by my staring, “like what you see?” he questions as he moves the pancake from the pan to the plate. 

“Shut up, it’s not good to be self obsessed,”

“But if you look as good as me, its okay right?!”

He presents the plate of pancakes with maple syrup on top. When I'm done taking my first bite, Shawn says “Ya i know they taste good, no need to tell me.” 

“Actually I was gonna say, that they are really bad,”

“Heyyyy!”

“I’m kidding, they are really good,”

“Ya i know,” He replied cockily.

After finishing my breakfast, while chatting with Shawn, I tell him I have to go, or i will miss my class. I head to the door, Shawn grabs me, pulling me into him. Pecking my forehead and then kissing me with passion.

“Don’t leave, please.”

“You know I have too, Shawn.”

“Ya…” he replies sadly.

I can’t help walking out the door a little disappointed. Maybe i should've stayed, it’s just one class right? I push those thoughts out of my head and head to my apartment to grab my books. I hear my phone go off as I walk out of my apartment heading to my university.

Shawn: I miss you!

I swear this boy. He’s going to make me go crazy. I reply with a quick “i just saw you, you can’t possibly miss me,” and head to class, clearing my head.

---

It’s been 3 weeks since our last conversation. I shouldn’t be surprised but I always am. The last time we talked was when I texted him congratulating him on Senorita and he replied with a simple ‘thank you’. I asked him how tour was going, but he just replied with a great, not putting much effort in the conversation, so I didn't either.

One day as I'm scrolling across Instagram, i see a post of E!News, talking about Shawn seen mingling with a girl. I didn’t care much until i found out who the girl was. Camila Cabello. She was the girl Shawn filmed Senorita with. I really thought Senorita was just a music video, because Shawn always said they were just friends, so I didn't pay much attention. But after seeing those pictures i couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy.

Last time we saw eachother, I really thought we could be something, and that i wouldn’t end up hurt. But I'm always wrong aren’t I. It’s my fault for being involved with a guy like Shawn anyways. Why would he settle with me, a girl who doesn’t even have her life together yet. 

The worst part is, none of Shawn and I’s friends know about our ‘relationship’ because as Shawn said “our relationship is gonna get leaked, and Andrew is not gonna be a big fan of that,” so I can’t go to them asking for comfort. I don’t know if i was hurt about the fact that Shawn did what he does again, or that I was stupid enough to think that he would settle with me.

Days pass and more videos and pictures of them surface online, one of the videos bothering me particularly. Shawn didn’t bother contacting me, so I didn't either. 

---

As summer came by, my friends from university and I decided to camp up north of Toronto. While camping i made a lot of new friends, one particularly cute one, named Jackson. We got really close, and later I found out we were both studying the same field. By the end of the trip he asked me for my number, which I gave happily. 

When I got back home from the trip, the first thing I did was open Instagram and post pictures from the trip, since there was no internet in the woods. I also started hanging out with Jackson, he made me happy, but I couldn't help but think I was cheating on Shawn.

Jackson and I end up going on a couple of dates, both enjoying each other's company. One night, after I get back from a party, Shawn calls me. I’m a little confused and surprised by not knowing the reason behind his call. I answer his call, not knowing what to do. 

“Heyy! y/n, i came to Toronto for like 2 days. I was hoping we could meet up.”

“Hii... That’s random, lol.”

“Ya i know, i was missing you so i thought to visit Toronto and see you.” Here we go again with his bullshit.

“Oh.” I reply clearly unimpressed.

“Well I’m actually right outside your apartment, wanna open the door for me?” He questions and I can already imagine the big smile on his face.

I end the call and head to open the door. As soon as I opened the door, Shawn grabs me and hugs me tightly, as if he let go, his world would collapse.

“Shawn please stop,” i try pushing him away. 

“What?” he questions, hurt flashing on his face for a brief second. 

“You can’t just pretend to miss me, when you didn’t even contact me once in the past four months,” I state trying to hide my feelings.

“But i do miss you, you know im really bad with communication, and most of the time I don't even have my phone.” He tries to explain. I can already feel my heart empathizing with him, but I tell myself that I'm not going to fall for his lies this time. 

“Shawn, its- uh- i don’t know, but you need to stop with your excuses.”

“But they are not excuses, and you know that. C’mon i thought you were the one person who actually understood me.”

“No! Don’t you dare say that. I try my best to understand you and your bullshit. But I can’t okay!” I say raising my voice, he was starting to piss me off.

“What bullshit? If you are really complaining about me not contacting me, maybe you should’ve!” Shawn replies, raising his voice to match mine.

“I did!” 

“Ya once, congratulating me, and I REPLIED. You are the one who left me on seen after that.”

“Shawn, maybe you should leave, we can have this conversation later.” I replied quietly, knowing raising my voice would do nothing.

“Why? Cus’ your boyfriend is coming over?” Shawn scoffs. I’m taken aback by his remark, since when did I have a boyfriend.

“What boyfriend?” I question, truly confused.

“Who are you lying to here?”

“Shawn i don’t have a boyfriend, why are you accusing me of shit.”

“Oh really, so that Johnson guy is just your friend right?” Shawn spits.

“You mean Jackson?”

“You really think I give a crap about his name.”

“We are not dating, but yea we’ve been on dates, but why would that even matter, when you don’t even care about me.” I say, getting more pissed off by the second.

“Wow. I guess I really was wrong about you. I really thought we had something, but you throw that right out the window as soon as someone makes a move on you? Honestly I can't even say that, maybe you made a move-” I cut him off, because he’s being ridiculous.

“Oh don’t you even dare go there. You cannot say this shit to me, you’re the one who threw us out the window the second you decided to kiss that girl. Do you even realise what you're doing.” I say raising my voice again.

“I told you it’s PR! What part of that do you not understand?!” He replied angrily.

“Oh I thought, only hand holding was for PR, i guess you finally got an upgrade and started sucking girl’s face publicly.” I say clearly pissed.

“Why do you have a problem with my career! You know this is apart of my life. Why can’t you understand that.”

“Cus’ clearly i’m not apart of your life,” I say, tears forming in my eyes.

“Y/n, you’re the biggest part of my life,” Shawn says quietly.

“Right, that's why we can’t walk down a street, or that's why our friends can’t find out about us, because you're too scared or probably too ashamed to be with me.” I say, tears threatening to spill.

“I'm not ashamed to be with you. There is nothing to be ashamed off. There is just so much going on in my life, and I don't want to pressure you with my life. And I still have a lot of things to figure out.” Shawn’s face is flushed now, probably by all the yelling.

“Right and you think pushing me away is totally helping me?” I question.

“Y/n-”

“No just stop okay! You clearly have too much going on, and you keep saying everything is PR when i don’t even know if it really is. You aren’t ready for me or this relationship-”

“No you can’t just-”

“Shawn just don’t even okay! Figure things out, and come back. And i'm not saying i’m gonna wait for you, cus’ I’m not gonna and i'm not going to promise and then lie, but I'll always be around.” I say wiping tears away, trying my best not to breakdown in front of him.

“Y/n, just please- i’m begging you, just give me a chance,” Shawn begs with tears in his eyes.

“Shawn, please figure things out, do what you have to do until you’re ready for me.” I say, as I can feel my heart physically crack.

The funny thing is, when an addict is over his addiction, he feels happy as if he has accomplished something. But I can't help but feel empty and weak inside, even though I got over my addiction.

 I guess yay for me!

---------

oMg. I don’t even know if i like how i wrote it, but i like the idea of this idk!!! But thankyou SOOOOOOOOO much for reading, it means so muchhhhh. I hope there aren’t many errors or gramatical mistakes. I hope u enjoyed reading it, pls leave feedback if u like! X.

Also if you have requests, you can leave them in my inbox!

Thankyou once again!!!!

[thedankfaerie]

i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel 

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you. 

 and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself. 

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time. 

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive. 

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’. 

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once! 

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately. 

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class. 

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point. 

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore. 

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us. 

someone please help me. 

[perseus-jacks]

tagged by @syndullastars​ thank you !! ♡

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? I want to say 7, but its probably more like a 4.5

describe yourself in a hashtag? #i’llsleepwheni’mdead (#overlycaffinated applies too) 

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? such a tough question... either Timothée chalamet or  Gavin Leatherwood 

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? biggest goofball in the town

what’s one thing people don’t know about you?  that I care waaaaaay too much about what others think 

what’s your wake up ritual? shower, brush teeth, wash face, get dressed, cook breakfast/make coffee and then read 

what’s your go to bed ritual? pick out clothes for the morning, brush teeth, wash face, write agenda for the upcoming day

what’s your favorite time of day? I would say late at night, like at 2am when im the only one up and I can already hear birds chirping outside my window.

your go to for having a good laugh? YouTube videos (commentaries, reviews, and even my fave books as vines) 

dream country to visit? Switzerland 

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? my life isnt full of surprises, sadly.  I guess when I was able to live and study in Oxford for two days (I honestly didnt know if I could, it was a mess) 

heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers

vintage or new? vintage for sure

who do you want to write your obituary? my sister 

style icon?  a mix of Cher from clueless and Monica Geller, with a hint of my sister’s style ( I draw my inspo from many people ok) 

what are three things you cannot live without?  friends, my books, my laptop

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? sugar

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? my mom, my sister, and oddly enough,, van Gough (it would be interesting to share a meal/convo with him)

what’s your biggest fear in life? failing / not living up to my family’s expectations of me

window or aisle seat? Aisle. I love day dreaming while looking out the window, but the aisle is a matter of convince 

what’s your current tv obsession? Outer Banks, and I'm trying to get into Anne with an E too 

favorite app? Spotify, it houses all my music, and thus, a source of happiness. 

secret talent? I can quote every episode of Friends word for word

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? Spent my spring break in Spain 

how would you define yourself in three words? perceptive, passionate,   witty

favorite piece of clothing you own? My distressed Shawn Mendes tour T-shirt ( wear like 3 times a week) 

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a black turtle neck 

a superpower you would want? telepathy/compulsion

what’s inspiring you in life right now? writers and storytellers

best piece of advice you’ve received? sometimes the best thing to do is take risks without fear of the consequences 

best advice you’d give your teenage self? stop worrying so much about what others think and speak you mind always 

a book everyone should read? Jane Eyre 

what would you like to be remembered for? being a good friend

how do you define beauty? Beauty cant be defined. It's everywhere and in everyone. 

what do you love most about your body? My eyes

best way to take a rest/decompress? lounging around and reading with a coffee in hand, or cruising with the windows down with my friends/fam

favorite place to view art? the Met in nyc

if your life was a song, what would the title be? Smile 

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? guitar 

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? a small crescent moon behind my ear or on the part of my hand that is in-between my thumb and index finger

dolphins or koalas? dolphins !!

what’s your spirit animal? an owl

best gift you’ve ever received? a pretty, vintage looking necklace 

best gift you’ve given? I made a friendship timecapsule for my friend when she moved away, and every two weeks or so she would tell me how it cheered her up

what’s your favorite board game?  monopoly 

what’s your favorite color? cornflower blue

least favorite color? burnt orange (sorry Peeta) 

diamond or pearls? diamonds 

drugstore makeup or designer? drugstore, it does the job

pilates or yoga? hip-hop yoga

coffee or tea? coffee 

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? canoodle, moot

dark chocolate or milk chocolate?both stairs or elevators? stairs, i hate elevators

summer or winter? both

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? just the thought of that makes me tired of every single food in existence lol

a dessert you don’t like? anything fancy

a skill you’re working on mastering? life drawing and general storyboarding stuff, for school and career purposes

best thing to happen to you today? the clone wars finale :((((

worst thing to happen to you today? also the clone wars finale :((((

best compliment you’ve ever received? a few of my friends have told me that i always know exactly what to say, and that makes me happy bc i try very hard to understand them and be what they need so i’m glad it pays off

favorite smell? pine trees and snow on the air, but also sunscreen and the sea

hugs or kisses? hugs

if you made a documentary, what would it be about? the evolution and  highlights of reality tv; its fun to watch but has serious implications if you look closely enough

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? Wall-E

lipstick or lipgloss? lipgloss

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? Jenna Coleman 

how do you know you’re in love? i’ve only been in love once and it was a very fledgling thing but it was like, they’re always on your mind, seeing them is like a thunderclap to your heart, you want to be near them and laugh with them, you constantly wonder what they think of you (like the littlest thing), you care about how they see you, time with them feels like nothing and everything 

a song you can listen to on repeat? Golden by Harry Styles + Dust Your Pocket by Glass Animals 

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? whoever is dating Gavin Leatherwood, I just want to know what thats like (even if its for a day)

what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? Im excited for law school actually and moving out west

this is long so i’ll just tag a few: @maxons  @wizardra @vikingthors @oceanvs @thorne( feel free to ignore ofc ♡ )

[oh-theatre]

Sycamore High: An Ending (Almost) (Chapter 39)

A/N: One more chapter bois!!! Honestly, I love Tommy so much holy jeezus, hopefully, I can remember how to do comedy in the sequel again oop! Anyway, leave me some comments. Also, I love Tommy and Ted and my heart legit can't take how much I love them

summary: Its the last day of finals, and the last day of school. What could go wrong?

words: 3158

warnings: Swearing, negative thoughts, kissing, violence

Edited by: @theyreallidiots  (Seriously please go give them some love, they're amazing and I love them with everything I have)

Ao3 Link

Finals Day 3...

“Tommy, right?” Tommy glanced up, his eyes adjusting to the figure standing in front of him. He blinked, realizing how exhausted he was. The library was quiet, huddled in a corner with all his materials and supplies, Tommy was studying.

“Hmm?” He hummed, he didn't really have it in him to speak. The figure chuckled sitting down next to him, Tommy shifted giving him some room. He could see his face better now: his hair was dark and long, it fell to his shoulders in a wavy formation. His face...was boring. Not in a bad way but there wasn't anything special about him. He was cute, sure, but that's about it. Tommy recognizes him from his English class, he sits in the back, he doesn't talk much. He extended his hand towards Tommy. “English class,” Tommy said.

“Yeah” He chuckled again, Tommy hated the way it sounded as if no matter what Tommy said, he would smile and play along. “I’m David,” Tommy nodded shaking his hand, he didn't really have time for this and hoped the conversation would end soon. “I..uh recognized you...from class” He rubbed the nape of his neck, avoiding Tommy’s eyes. His lips curled into a sweet smile or at least an attempt. “You're like...really smart” He complimented. Tommy pressed his lips together swallowing an exasperated sigh.

“Thank you...I’m sorry, I'm really bus-”

“Oh yeah! Totally, sorry...don't let me disturb you” He gestured to Tommy's work. Tommy eyed him but went back to his papers, he tried to work but he could feel Davids intense stare. He put his pencil down looking back up at him. “Sorry, it's just…” David looked him over, his eyes twinkling, his lips in a half-smile. “You’re...really cute” He pushed his hair behind his ears

Oh

Tommy’s heart sunk, he was being flirted with, never had he hated a feeling so much. He shut his eyes, taking a deep breath. He looked back up at David, his smile as fake as he could make it.

“Thanks! My boyfriend sure thinks so” He chirped, and there it was. David's face fell, his smile disappearing becoming confusion. His eyebrows furrowing, he let out a small laugh.

“He's very lucky, and where might he be?” David looked around expectantly. Seriously? Tommy thought you're still going? He didn't really know how to respond, once his free period was over, he had a final and he really didn't have time for...whatever this was. It was almost selfish of him to wish Ted was here.

“I...I don't know” Tommy admitted. He was probably studying with Charlotte and Emma right now, seeing as they had free periods as well but he couldn't be sure. They used to know where the other was because they were usually together. And sure, some might say that's a bad thing but...it worked for them. And they loved it. They loved each other, Tommy loved him. “You know what? I have to go” But this time, he wasn't running away from someone, he was running towards them. He collected his things, not giving David another look and rushed down the hall and out of school. He was really hoping Ted would be at the coffee shop they always went to, and lo and behold.

Ted sat behind Charlotte fiddling with her while Emma lay strewn across Charlotte's lap reciting something. Tommy could almost laugh had he not been so nervous. Ted looked up noticing him, his eyes actually grew, the pupil dilates when it sees something it likes. Or at least that's what Tommy remembered from class, his mind was a little preoccupied right now. Ted stood, much to Charlotte's disappointment, well, until she saw who he was standing for. Tommy wasted no time, he took Ted’s face and kissed him. Ted was clearly taken aback but melted into the kiss nonetheless, realizing how desperate he was for this moment. Tommy giggled happily, wrapping his own arms around Ted's neck. Charlotte tried really hard but her heart was so full, she squealed Emma tried to stifle it but she was just as happy. Ted pulled away eyeing his friends, they quickly returned to their work shrugging. Tommy cupped Ted’s face pulling him back towards him.

“Hi” He smiled, his heart, much like Charlotte’s, was full. Ted shook his head trying to swallow a smile, he smothered Tommy in more kisses hugging him right after. “I’m so sorry dearest” Tommy whispered in his ear.  “How do I make it up to you?” He asked pulling away, Ted shook his head once more.

“You don't ha-” he paused, an idea popped into his head. “Sing with me” He marveled, Tommy laughed slightly. Ted stood his ground however, he didn't budge.

“Oh! You're serious?” Tommy’s eyes grew wide, Ted nodded.

“My parents wanted me to sing at the wedding...and I want you to sing with me” Ted admitted, Tommy forced a squeal squeezing his hands. To be honest? He didn't know if he would be here for the wedding. He wanted to, so badly but his parents were pretty adamant about him leaving as soon as he could. Ted bit his lips, still smiling. “What?”  Ted could tell.

“Nothing! I'd love to” he lied, well he would love to but...would he be able to? But no more, he was going to be here for Ted. As long as he could, he just had to convince his parents to let him stay a little bit into summer and it would be fine. “What are we singing?” He asked, his heart still racing from excitement to be back in Ted's arms.

~~~

“Bill Dorris!” The name echoed the auditorium. Ted always felt like this ritual was stupid and would cause low self-esteem for the students but watching Bill, shocked, rushing up to stage to accept the award, Ted felt nothing but pride. He definitely showed it by cheering the loudest. “Congratulations to Mister Dorris for winning the ‘Best Academic Student’ award”. The principal handed the boy the award, Bill was almost crying behind his glasses. He quickly returned to his friends, receiving an abundance of hugs and ruffling of the hair.

“Nicely done, dude” Paul complimented, Bill, smiled up at him. The principal called back attention. They turned to him and shushed.

“Next, as requested by Mr. Hidgens, our drama teacher-” Ted shouted out a single cheer, receiving weird looks but he didn't care. “Thank you, Ted” The principal shook his head at the boy, the school laughed. “As most of you know, the drama finals consist of singing a song, what those students didn't know is that those were auditions” The group stopped smiling and turned to one another, Tommy hid a smile. Those who were interested in the musical but were not apart of the class were asked to audition months ago, just as Tommy had done, his heart sank realizing he would have to pull out. “So, I'm here to formally announce the cast of Starship for next year! The cast is as follows” The list was something so many students had not expected to hear, but they were on the edge of their seats.

“Bug: Ted

Commander Up: Sam

Taz/Bugginton: Emma

Tootsie Noodles/Pincer: Tommy

Mega-Girl: Deb

February: Charlotte

Junior/Veeto Mosquito: Paul

Specs/Neato Mosquito: Alice

Roach/Krayonder: Bill

Overqueen/Sweetheart mosquito:  David

The Caller Bug/mister bug: Paul”

Ted’s jaw dropped hearing his name first, Paul was pretty shocked playing so many roles but excited nonetheless. Emma was delighted to hear her name called and getting a kiss on the cheek from Paul was pretty exciting. Charlotte looked to Ted and they shared a knowing look. Guess their chemistry was undeniable, on stage of course. Jackie hugged her, proud of her achievements. Paul shared a look with his sister, nodding at her for finally gaining enough courage to audition. Tommy bit back his lip, trying not to cry. He smiled and nodded at every single one of his friends, and kissed his boyfriend lovingly, but his stomach churned sadly. Bill nodded appropriately and congratulated his friends. David looked up and winked at Tommy who didn't reciprocate anything. Deb smothered her girlfriend in kisses, Alice returned the action. Sam smirked to himself but ultimately was just excited to perform again. They all were, junior year was going to be fun.

~~~

“Ok, kiss, marry, kill” Ted started pointing his fork at Paul. The teen returned the gesture, mocking his friend. “The try guys” He decided, Paul scrunched his eyebrows. Tommy rolls his eyes, returning to his conversation with Bill. The girls sit in their usual spots discussing other things.

“There are four try guys dumbass” Paul noted, Ted smiled coyly.

“Yeah, so double up loser” Ted replied, Paul, shrugged stuffing more salad into his mouth. “Alright, I'll go first. Mmm...id...kill Ned” Paul mocked a gasp, Bill stifled a laugh “Kiss...Zach and marry Eugene and Keith” Tommy turned to him, a smile placed on his face, but curiosity and confusion riddled his face. Ted turned to him, kissing him on the forehead. “Polyamorous baby” He joked, Tommy playfully pushed him off awaiting Paul's answer.

“Ok lame, I’d kiss Zach and Ned, marry Keith and...kill Eugene” He decided, Ted can't even fathom his response. “What? Don't hate me cause im right” Paul defended, Bill turned now facing them.

“Even I know you don't kill Eugene, Paul” Bill commented. Ted gave him a high five, posing a confident ‘told you so’ face to Paul.

“I’d marry Zach” Tommy joined in, munching carefully on his carrots. Ted smiled at him, the tug at his stomach in delight. “That's all, the rest can do as they please” He finished, Ted chuckled softly nodding.

“Ok moving on” Paul continued, he waited for the rest to turn to him but to no avail. “Ted?” He asked impatiently.

“What?” He focused back on Paul, the teen smirked.

“You've never played tuber simulator?” Paul teased, Ted laughed sensibly. Bill and Tommy shared a quick glance.

“Hey, have you seen Joe?” Ted inquired carefully, playing out his part to perfection. Paul raised a brow.

“Whos Joe?” Paul gave in, no one matching the name.

“Joe mama!” Ted cheered victoriously. Paul turned to Emma instantly.

“Just kill me” He requested. Emme stroked his cheek lovingly, turning back to Charlotte and Jackie.

~~~

“You look wonderful, bubbles” Jackie complimented tying up the back of Charlotte's dress. She let her hair down, turning back to her girlfriend.

“I love you!” Charlotte quipped wrapping her arms around Jackie's neck. Jackie giggled kissing Charlotte, moving to her cheek. Charlotte pulled away “Sorry J, I gotta finish getting ready”. Jackie groaned, falling back onto the bed. She finished her braids and slipped her jean jacket on.

“I look like Rosa Diaz” Jackie smiled, admiring the new jacket she made. Charlotte smiled, wrapping her arms around her. She kissed her cheek from behind. “Hmm, can I do your hair?” Charlotte shook her head, tying her own hair up with a ribbon to match her dress. “Oh pretty, nevermind you've got it” Jackie kissed her cheek.

“I'm so excited for dinner!” Charlotte exclaimed putting her earrings in, Jackie helped her with her necklace. “Everyone back together! Tommy! Ted! Paul! Emma! Bill!” She turned to Jackie “You…”

“I love you, bubbles” Jackie kissed her, wrapping her up in a hug. Charlotte squealed as Jackie spun her around. “Oh! We gotta go” And so they did, saying goodbye to her mother and heading out the door.

~~~

“Ok stop stop stop” Tommy chided, he undid Ted’s tie fixing it neatly. Ted pouted kissing Tommy on the forehead, Tommy pulled him closer meeting his lips.

“Oh my god, I missed you” Ted sighed. Tommy chuckled wrapping his arms around his neck. Ted did the same around Tommy's hips. “Hey, after dinner tonight we should take a walk in the park” Ted proposed. Tommy giggled, his head landing on Ted’s chest. “What? I think it would be nice” Tommy looked back up at him.

“It would be pitch dark, and one of us would get killed,” Tommy said honestly, Ted smiled kissing him on the forehead. “I love you but that's just not plausible,” Tommy told the boy, Ted nodded agreeing. Tommy wished he could stay like this forever, and his face showed it. His eyes avoided Teds, his mouth quivered.

“Gumdrop?” Ted asked, the nickname rolling off his tongue easily. Tommy looked up and shook his head, he stood on his tiptoes kissing Ted softly, connecting their lips. “What's wrong?”

“Nothing, dearest” He patted Ted’s chest, pulling away and going to the mirror. Ted stood behind him wrapping his arms around the smaller boy. “Ted” Tommy giggled “I have to get ready” Ted moaned, kissing his boyfriend on the cheek. Tommy’s heart sank, he didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay like this forever.

“Hey, sorry to interrupt but Jackie just dropped off Tommy’s skirt” Paul poked his head through the door, Ted pulled away beaming. “She said it was done last minute because she wanted to put some more stuff on it” Tommy smiled sadly, he squeezed Ted’s hand nodding a thank you to Paul. He took the skirt looking at it. “Ted, your dads wanna see you” Paul notified before leaving. Ted kissed Tommy on the cheek before leaving. He set the skirt down clutching his chest, he and Jackie had been making this one for a while. It was put on hold for finals and she finished it. But something changed, he didn't want to. He shoved the skirt away putting on an old suit he brought from his house. It fit comfortably, and fine. It was...fine.

“Hey, look at mister fancy pants” Chad declared as Ted emerged from his room. He did a little spin showing off his new suit, he was test running the outfit before the wedding. Tommy emerged after a moment in a suit, Ted furrowed his brows. Paul followed in wearing a suit as well. “Well look at the three of you” Chad took a picture.

“Yes, you all look very dashing” Henry admitted, he handed Chad a drink. Paul smiled, he was really missing home. He talked to his mom every day but he missed his room, his bed, the smell when he got up in the morning. The back and forth with his sister. He loved Ted, and Ted’s house and the professors but it wasn’t home. “I hope you enjoy your night out boys, you two-” Henry pointed to Paul and Ted “Home by eleven, got it?” They nodded, Tommy, intertwined his fingers with Ted.

“I'll make sure of it, doctor Hidgens” Tommy assured, Henry, nodded at the boy. He was excited to see him back, Ted had instantly become happier with him around and it had only been a day. “We should go, we need to pick up Bill” Tommy reminded, Ted and Paul, nodded. They said their goodbyes heading out the door.

~~~

“Emma you look… stunning” Paul breathed as his girlfriend walked through the door of the restaurant. He stood greeting her, kissing her cheek and pulling out a chair for her. She sat next to him, her dress flowing beautifully. “I love you” he confessed, the table silenced laughing. He was clearly head over heels for this girl.

“Thanks, babe” Emma stroked his cheek, kissing it softly. “So...we did it! Sophomore year is over!” She declared, the group cheered happily. She grabbed a menu, skimming through the options. The rest of the group did the same, except Tommy and Ted they shared a look. Emma noticed and looked at them “What’s up you two?” She asked the group looked up at her.

“Tommy just wants to say something” Ted admitted, Tommy swat his arm softly. “What? It’s true” He teased, he kissed his boyfriend's cheek encouragingly.

“Um well… I wasn't planning on telling you all right now, but it’s as good as any I suppose” He looked around the table, he didn't want to bring the mood down but he had to tell them. “I'm leaving next year,” The group burst into a chorus of complaints, Tommy squeezed Ted’s hand. “I'll be back for senior year… I think” I hope “I’m going to a boarding school in France… I don't really have a choice” He explained, Bill put a comforting hand on Ted’s shoulder. “Um… my parents are letting me stay for the wedding but then… I’m leaving as soon as possible” Tommy finished.

“I hate this” Charlotte decided, a murmur of agreement was heard “I hate this so much”

“Look I just wanted to tell you, that's all, can we please move on?” Tommy begged, after more arguing and frustration they agreed to move on. “Ok, how about the musical guys?” Tommy proposed excitement buzzed throughout.

“Ted! Congrats on the playing ‘Bug’!” Charlotte announced, Ted blushed hiding it with his menu “Guess we just are the perfect couple” She joked, the group chuckled. Tommy shot her a playful glare. “I’m kidding, I clearly have the better significant other” She kissed Jackie on the cheek.  

“Hey, congrats on Pincer” Bill told Tommy “I know you don't get to play him but it’s still pretty cool” Tommy smiled gratefully. It was pretty cool and he was definitely going to ask Chad about the decision, mostly because he didn't see it himself. Tommy wasn't the type to play a meaningful role, but he supposed that's what acting was. He should take it as a compliment having such a big range. He was excited to return senior year and audition for Falsettos.

The dinner continued, a wonderful way to close off the year. Sharing stories:

“So you and Charlotte kissed?” Tommy almost laughed, Ted nodded shoveling food in his mouth. Charlotte giggled, Jackie, eyed the pair. “I… I have so many questions”

“It was for practice!” Ted defended, Tommy laughed into his shoulder. “I… shut up,” He said burying his face into the food.

Gushing over each other:

“I just love you all so much!” Charlotte announced, Jackie kissed her lovingly on the cheek.

“Oh, ditto that feeling” Paul commented, Emma laughed. They all did that night, down to the last dessert they ate.

Confessions:

“Bud, no matter what, we support you” Ted assured, Bill, smiled at him gratefully. He wiped away his tears, feeling foolish. 

“Thank you guys...seriously” He confessed “I don't know how im supposed to tell my dad” 

“Your dad is the most supportive person. He wouldn't care if you decided to like...become a murderer as long as you were ok.” Ted joked, Bill chuckled followed by the rest of the group “He’ll love you even if you are aro and ace” Ted's voice became more serious, Bill stood going over to his friend. They shared a hug and it was perfect. 

Sadly...the night had to end

Then they went their separate ways. Emma got picked up by her mother, passing out as soon as she stepped into the car. Paul drove Bill home, dropping off Tommy at his house. Paul and Ted headed home sleeping as soon as they got home. Charlotte and Jackie had a sleepover, spending the night watching Barbie movies and playing with Maggie and Token. It was perfect, and the night went perfectly. It wrapped up a weird year that was, in the best way, weirdly perfect. There was a lot they still had to figure out but that's why they still had two years to go. Two years…

[really-sleep-deprived-nerd]

Sanders Sides Percy Jackson AU!

SO! @moon-scribs and I have been working on this one for a while and we hope you like it!

BASICS:

Logan is a child of Athena 

Roman is a child of Apollo (The very extra son of a very extra god)

Remy is a child of Hypnos (Hypnos is the god of sleep)

Virge is a child of Aphrodite and Patton is a child of Hades (Bare with us for a second, we´ll tell WHY we did this below the cut)

Emile is a child of Epiope (The goddess of the soothing of pain)

Deceit Damian is a child of Hermes (Hermes is, among other things, the god of deception)

Thomas is a child of Iris (Y´know, the goddess of the Rainbow)

More about this under the cut! (Warning: Its ridiculously LONG)

Child-of-Aphrodite! Virgil

When deciding upon which god he should be the child of, we mainly thought about how he was before pre-acepting anxiety, how he felt like “The odd-one out”, how he felt like he “didnt belong here”. See where we are going with this?.

Virgil is supposed to be the child of the goddess of beauty, but he honestly cant see it. He is way too pale. Way too lanky. His hair is too messy. He has eyebags that are bigger than his fist. He isnt “pretty”.

His siblings arent helping with that either: They are incredible extroverted people, they actually care about their appearance, about trivial things like make up and clothes, they are known to be extremelly social, their fucking cabin its mOTHERFUCKING BARBIE MANSION PINK AND ALL.

He doesnt fit with them, sure, he can get along with most of them just fine, but he still feels wrong.

He has charmspeak, but he doesn't knows how to use/control it and its also heavily influenced by his emotions, so when he's really stressed out it activates, mostly to keep his friends out of danger. (Its basically like his canon anxiety demon voice, it can influence them like that scene where v's like 'GET RID OF THE PHONE NOW' and Thomas just throws it without thinking )

His first days on camp were pretty rough, and he was thinking of running away, that is, until he met a very cheerful son of Hades.

Child-Of-Hades! Patton

Patton “Hellhounds are just misunderstoods puppies!” Medina

Patton “Oh that kid looks sad and lonely and uncomfortable Im going tO BEFRIEND HIM” Medina

All the hellhounds just become big puppies around him, he has a tiny army of Cat-skeletons and dog-skeletons following him everywhere that are always either playing with him or trying to get pets of him. 

Since there is literally just one other kid of hades in the cabin most of the bunks are empty so one of them becomes the Cave(tm) of Patton´s bony friends (Its just a bunch skele-pets under a blanket) 

 Also one of the bunks is reseved for Virge, since sleeping in a pink barbie mansion surrounded by SO MANY PEOPLE made him incredible anxious. And Patton could not let his precious friend and crush suffer! He has already went through enough! 

 One of the funniest things to Virgil its the fact that the Hades cabin looks like where vampires would live and then BOOM SUNSHINE BOY 

Patton´s Brother: ugh it's too early to-is that the sun??? I thought there were no windows here??? 

Virge: No, that's Patton

He is the first one to discover that, despite Virgil not believing it, Virge is actually FUCKING gorgeous. Like, one day he makes Virgil giggle and Patton feels as his heart might burst: Virgil´s hair was messy and fluffy and it kinda covered his eyes, but you could see them sparkle with amusement and he had this tiny and kinda shy smile and all that Patton could think was: “goDS ABOVE IM TOO GAY TO FUNCTION- HELP”

Despite his sushiney attitude, lets not forget that, as a child of Hades, Patton is actually fucking powerful, and will not hesitate to absolutly destroy whatever and whoever tries to hurt his fami-friends and his home

Child-Of-Apollo! Roman

You know how Percy´s sword turns into a pen? Yeah, Roman´s katana turns into a golden and silver hairbrush. 

Was sent to camp since he was really young and trained in hand to hand combat until he became the best. 

Has an enthralling voice and incredible acting skills and he can dance like the muses, but cant shoot straight to save his life (Pun not intended lol) and if he tried to heal a paper cut it would probably get infected .

Loves the camp dearly, but he misses his family a lot so he Iris-calls them every saturday

Child-Of-Athena! Logan

Hands down the best strategist in the whole camp. 

Cant do hand-to-hand combat to save his LIFE, but he is amazing with long distance weapons. Bow and Arrow? Logan will pull a hawkeye shit where he NEVER fails. He is good at making traps, like, he studies what surrounds him and can make a scooby-doo-like trap with branches and shit he found laying there. People do not Fuck with him during capture the flag. 

You know how Athena´s kids are all terrified of spiders, right? Welp. Logan has a Patton-level fear of spiders.

“Pardon my crude language, but I don't fuck with those tiny ass demons”

Child-Of-Hermes! Damian

“You, my child, are amazing, but you have the moral of a chocolate muffin”- Thomas, to him, after spending 15 minutes alone together.

Will 100% fuck shit up, not in a “IM EVIL FEAR ME” way, but more in a “Remember my father is also the god of pranksters do not fuck with me Virgil”

Has definitely not pranked Roman and Virgil and had to unceremoniously hide in a tree top so this two would not murder him in the time it took for Emile and Pat to calm them down

Child-Of-Hypnos! Remy

He is a child of hypnos, and as such, drinks unhealthy amounts of coffee so he can stay awake.

He can make everyone he wishes fall asleep instantly just by touching them and he can make it last as long as he wishes (More than 4 hs per person tires him tho)

He doesnt have an ounce of common sense in his whole body and Emile still doesnt know how he managed to stay alive for this long.

Child-Of-Epione! Emile

He is not gifted with healing like some childs of Apollo, yet he is able to sooth the pain of others. No, not only as a psychologist (He is not one yet, but he wants to be one when he grows older), but also as an overall comforting presence: He is kind, his voice is calm, he is sweet, patient and emphathic. 

One hug from him will not heal all your pain, but will make it hurt less, giving you the strength to keep fighting it for a while.

Really, REALLY not good at fighting.

Cried for a whole day when he learned that the camp has no tv so he couldnt watch any cartoons while he stayed there

He was very lonely growing up as before getting to camp, so he used to watch A LOT of cartoons to keep himself occupied, to avoid feeling alone.

The human mind and emotions never ceases to amaze him.

Child-Of-Iris! Thomas

Thomas started going to camp at a very young age, so he kinda knows everyone. 

Despite that fact, he got claimed on the summer after his 15th birthday. 

He was walking across the camp towards the Big House to say hi to Chiron when a full on rainbow surrounded him and Iris´s logo started glowing on top of his head. He looked at the rainbow, then he looked down at his “could be gayer” t-shirt and burst out laughing.

He spends only summers on camp, and since he is a bit older than most of the campers, he became a sort of counsellor to new campers whenever he is in camp.

He helps the new ones with training, teaches them how to get around the camp, teaches them how to read in greek and greek history (To them its history, no mythology) if they dont know anything about it. 

He is super supportive of every new camper! Like, if they are training and one of the newbies fucks up (Drops his weapon, falls, trips, whatever) he will instantly start going “Its okay!! No one can do this right in their first try!! It took me like a year just to stop sucking at it!! You are trying your best and thats whats important!!”

He gave one look at Virgil´s angsty demeanor, Damian´s snarky attitude, Roman´s fake confidence, Patton´s pattoness, Logan´s insighful and wise opinios, Remy´s complete lack of self preservation and Emile´s internal screaming as he tries to keep the rest of his friends fucking mentally stable and immediatly decided “Im going to adopt them”

While Thomas is an excelent “counsellor” and loves his friends, sometimes he will be watching the other 7 human disasters run around and get into shenanigans and just be like: Those kids are already so fucking weird this might as well happen 

Asked to be tagged: @fandoms-till-the-end-of-the-line @thatgaydemigodnerd

[brylcighs]

✧·ﾟ(   demeter + maia mitchell + cis female   ) 𝒎𝒂𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝒎𝒊𝒂 !!  have you seen (   bryleigh fox   ) around ? (   she   ) has been in kaos for (   two months   ). the (   twenty-four year old   ) is a (   baker   ) from (   boulder, colorado   ). people say they can be (   stoic   ) but maybe that’s not too bad ‘cause they can also be (   ebullient   ). whenever i think of them, i can’t help but think of (   warm blueberry muffins, black and white movies, and sunny, cloud-free mornings   ).  ·ﾟ✧  (  penned by shiloh, 21+, est, she/her   ).

trigger warnings: mental illness, ptsd, anxiety, depression, a car accident, health problems related to fertility, scars/burns, low self-esteem, drinking. ( i think that’s it, but if you run across something else triggering, pls let me know and i’ll add it to the list. )

THE MUN.

‘lo ! i’m shiloh, but you can call me shy. i’m 28, i live in the est and my preferred pronouns are she/her. 

i’m a school-based therapist and work in an elementary school. with it being summer, i don’t really have a lot going on ! so you’ll see me around quite a bit. 

i have two small puppos, minerva and newt, who are my pride and joy. p.s.: if you couldn’t tell from their names, i’m a huge harry potter fan. i also love young adult literature, i’m a true crime buff and could eat pepperoni hot pockets every day for the rest of my life. 

if you’d like to talk, you can im me on this account, on my rph @shilohrph or ask me for my discord and we can chat there !

and without further ado, allow me to introduce lil miss bryleigh. 

BASIC INFORMATION.

name: bryleigh olivia fox.

age: twenty-four.

gender/pronouns: cis femae & she/her.

orientation: panromantic pansexual. 

olympian: demeter.

occupation: head baker at physis taverna.

faceclaim: maia mitchell.

BACKGROUND.

bryleigh olivia fox was born may 8th, 1995 at 10:12am in kaos, greece to colonel william matthew fox and emma alison stewart-fox.

she has one older brother, lucas daniel fox, who is 28 and an architectural engineer. he’s married to sofia maite valdez-fox, twenty-four. they have a one-year-old daughter,  luciana irene fox. 

bryleigh also has one younger sister, peyton emelia fox, who is 20 and a college student studying communications. she’s engaged to  micah cole butler, twenty-two. they two-year-old twins addison hayley butler and aiden bryant butter. peyton is also currently 10 weeks pregnant.

because of her father’s occupation, the family has lived in different cities all over the world. besides kaos, the fox’s lived in bangkok, thailand, comayagua, honduras, misawa, japan, burkina faso, west africa,  vicenza, italy and pampanga, philippines. i made a handy dandy timeline which you can view here to better break it down.

bryleigh attended and graduated from the auguste escoffier school of culinary arts in boulder, colorado and lived there for about four years.

while living in boulder, her roommate and best friend, sofia, started dating and subsequently married her brother, lucas.

because her aesthetic is running when things get tough/complicated, bryleigh left boulder a few months after ber brother and best friend were married and moved back to kaos, greece. 

she lived in kaos for a year, living above the tavarna where she was head baker. she loved it and kinda looks back on it as the best time of her life. but a rough patch in a relationship caused her to - again - flee, returning to boulder. 

about a month after moving back to boulder, she was in a serious car accident. her vehicle slid on black ice and flipped. she almost died, but managed to pull through.

on top a concussion, many broken bones, several severe burns, some internal bleeding and innumerable cuts, scrapes, and bruises, bryleigh’s pelvis was fractured and her fallopian tubes were crushed. she also later developed  asherman’s syndrome from the surgeries/scar tissue forming. this has basically rendered her infertile. 

after the accident, bryleigh had to move in with her brother and sister-in-law/former best friend. not only did they smother bry trying to take care of her, but sofia was pregnant at the time. this served as a constant reminder of all she’d lost. 

so, as soon as she was cleared to be on her own, she told lucas and sofia that she was going to visit kaos for her birthday.

except that she was actually moving back there and didn’t want to have to deal with their worry and concern and attempts to talk her out of it. queen of running from her problems.

bryleigh has been back in kaos for about two months, and it’s not the carefree, serene place she remembered.

actually, that’s not true. it’s still the place she remembered. she’s just not the same person she once was. no matter how much she tries to pretend she is.

you can read more about her here if you feel so inclined. 

PERSONALITY. 

bryleigh is a bit of a complicated lil nugget. she’s like an onion, ya know ? she has layers. one one hand, she’s this bubbly, happy-go-lucky, upbeat ball of sunshine. but on the other hand, she’s really struggling with ptsd from the crash, as well as a good heaping of anxiety and depression. so she has times where she’s really distant and reticent.

as the ‘mom friend’, she’s always been the person that people turn to. she’s the shoulder to lean on. she’s the one who gives amazing advice. she’s the one who seems wise beyond her years. she’s the one who tells you to stop leaning back in your chair because you’re going to fall over or sets water and tylenol beside your bed after a night of partying. she cares a whole lot. like, an insane about. which is a blessing and a curse. 

what she’s struggling with post-accident is opening up about how she’s doing and how she’s really feeling, beyond the facade that she puts on for everyone. it’s like she’s physically incapable of letting people see that she’s struggling. bry doesn’t want to put that burden on anyone, ya know ? so, she’s kind of suffering in silence and bottling everything up. which is super healthy, i know. 

sarcasm and dry humor are two of her favorite coping skills. she’s also really great at self-deprecating humor !

the accident left her with quite a lot of scars and several skin grafts from having third-degree burns treated, and she’s incredibly self-conscious about them. she covers her low self-esteem up with jokes and humor, but she really is quite sensitive about her appearance. 

as i mentioned, she tends to run from her problems rather than addressing them. and if she can’t run, she makes a joke out of them and doesn’t take them seriously. or she bottles up all the emotions from the problem and pretends it’s not a big deal. i know. her coping skills are so healthy.

the only thing that bryleigh has ever wanted is to be a mom. she’s basically had baby fever since she was old enough to understand the birds and the bees. she always imagined being a stay-at-home mom, taking care of a shew of children and her husband/wife. but since the accident, she’s not sure if that’s what she still wants of her life. she no longer has no direction, and really feels like she’s floundering.

part of her is worried about having kids ( through adoption or surrogacy or on the off-chance that she can naturally conceive ) because the hate in her heart after the accident is so dark and consuming and terrifying. she feels like maybe the car accident did more than break her bones. maybe it broke her as a person. and maybe she’s not capable of loving someone now. or if she is, she’s worried that what she loves will get taken from her. and she doesn’t know if she can stand to lose anything else. 

EXTRA.

she starts every morning with a cup of black coffee and a banana nut muffin and ends every evening with a cup of peppermint tea and two homemade jaffa cakes.

bryleigh has a chocolate labrador retriever named yolo. he’s ancient. she’s not really sure how old he is, but the shelter she adopted him from said that he’d been there for several years. so, she absolutely had to take him home with her. yolo’s very loving and sweet and a lil lazy and he loves pitless olives. she has huge birthday parties for him on his gotcha day, august 12th. 

her walls are covered with abstract art from a bunch of different countries. they remind her of her childhood and everywhere she’s traveled. 

favorite thing in the world to do is have a bunch of her friends over, make a slew of homemade pizzas and desserts, pop open several bottles of rosé wine, throw pillows and blankets all over the floor and watch movies of various genres until everyone falls asleep. 

she loves 80′s music and prefers to listen to records rather than stream music or what have you. it sounds more authentic that way. at least, in her opinion. 

her apartment looks like a forest. she has plants everywhere. e v e r y w h e r e. she’s also a really good plant mom and has named all of her children. she talks to them and knows their favorite songs. maybe she’s a tad bit psychotic. who isn’t, though ?

since the accident, she’s developed a huge fear of driving. she won’t drive. ever. she either walks, rides her bike or takes an uber. if she can get away with not having to ride in a car, though, she much prefers that option. i mean, can you blame her ?

she loves astrology and tarrot readings and ghost hunts and talking about aliens and going on hunts for cryptids. she’s always thought there has to be more to life than what we can see, so she’s open to at least considering most everything, ya know ?

her closest friends call her foxy. everyone else calls her bry. some people call her bryleigh ? but i can’t imagine why. it’s a mouthful. 

send her memes and you’ll have her heart. she has a huge folder of them saved on her phone. there might or might not be more memes on her phone than actual pictures. hint: there totally is. 

bryleigh can speak english, spanish, filipino, greek, italian, thai, japanese, swahili, hausa and a little bit of a berber dialect to varying degrees of success. she’s most comfortable with english, spanish and greek, and least comfortable with the african languages. she can also write in a variety of writing systems, though not nearly as well as she can speak the languages. she’s forgotten a lot of the rules and method that go along with many of them.

PLOT IDEAS.

you can read about all my connection ideas right here !

NOTE: i’m open to pretty much anything, so if you have an idea, run it by me ! more than likely, i’ll approve and start rambling off ideas and headcanons and half-formed thoughts until you politely tell me to shut the fuck up. sounds fun, right ?

THE END.

thanks so much for reading this monster post ! i don’t know how to be concise. i’ve tried. i tried here. obviously, i failed. but i love you all. i can’t wait to write and interact with you all and your lovely, wonderful characters ! hasta la vista, baby.

[bazzledazzled]

I’m not going to lie to you I am 100% pulling these headcanons from the spam of messages i sent @waywardpadaleski​ but I saw Voltron Hogwarts AUs floating around and I decided to make headcanons because I love this idea ive also doodled stuff and may post some or write something just not rn

OKAY SO

pretty much the houses just go with their lions— but lance is special snowflake im sorry i know i sound like one of those uber annoying lance stans that shove da boi down everyones throats i cant help it i love him but bare with me this makes sense

Okay so Keith is in Gryffindor because ofc he would

Pidge is Slytherin

Hunk is Hufflepuff

Allura is totally a Ravenclaw

What about Lance, you ask? Well u know how JK Rowling said that there’s things called “Hat Stalls” where people took longer than 5 min to get sorted???

Ye well Lance is one of THOSE

It would work with canon if you think about it because he kinda is stuck between the red lion and the blue lion and like-- I know keef is the same way with the black lion but shush

SO ANYWAYS

the sorting hats dilemma is that he’s smart and has the means to excel in Ravenclaw, but at the same time he’s outrageously brave like a Gryffindor

(MY BOI IS SMART FITE ME)

So the hat doesn’t know what to put him in

Then the sorting hat comes to the conclusion that while he could do great in Ravenclaw, he wouldn’t reach his full potential unless he was a Gryffindor (*COUGH* LIKE CANON)

Sooooo-- Pidge is like a year or two behind Hunk, Lance, and Keith because y’know, shes younger and stuff and she kinda gets into the group because of her older brother

THATS RIGHT MATTS HERE

So Matt is a Ravenclaw and him and Shiro are besties ofc

(Shiros Gryffindor sorry I forgot to mention it)

Matt was also a Hat Stall because when i was thinking about his house i couldn’t decide between Ravenclaw, Slytherin, or Gryffindor

But he’s Ravenclaw cuz it fits in with an Adashi thing im gonna bring up later

ANYWAYS

Shiro is also Keith’s older brother, they’re not biological siblings, its just Keefs dad was friends with shiros parents and when he passed away the Shiroganes adopted him 

Shiro is ANNOYED because Keith and Lance are always fighting with each other in the commons and he just wants to read his book in peace

Now here comes the Adashi

Okay okay so Adam is Ravenclaw

I know we barely know anything about Adam (*glares at s7*) BUT based on stuff and how the fanon Adam is, I’m saying he’s Ravenclaw

So anyways

Let’s get to Quidditch because that’s part of the Adashi part of this AU

Keef is a Gryffindor Seeker because like-- he go vroom

I lowkey am making Lance a Keeper not only cuz he would be good at it but also cuz of those cheesy shirts that say things like “He’s a Keeper” and “She’s a Catch” 

Shiro is a Chaser

Pidge and Hunk I think would be Beaters???? Idk

OH! James Griffin is also a Slytherin Seeker byeeee

Adam is the Ravenclaw Keeper

Headcanon is if theres one thing Lance and Adam have in common, its that they can make people flustered very easily 

So ya know what Adam does, much to Shiro’s annoyance???

He flirts with him

Whenever they have games that are Ravenclaw vs. Gryffindor Adam will flirt with Shiro, winking at him, yelling stuff across the field, making Shiro so flustered he can’t throw straight (pun intended)

One time Adam gets Shiro so flustered he drops the ball

Matt, a Beater, high fives him

OH! Also Allura is a Chaser and she’s like the best Chaser in the school FITE ME

Okay thats enough of quidditch 

Okay so as for family lineage and stuff

Shiro, Lance, and Hunk are muggleborns

They just are

Shiro’s parents knew about Magic because of keef and were surprised when they found out Shiro was a wizard

Lance is the only wizard in his family and he gets homesick a lot because he’s the only one who goes to Hogwarts and he misses his siblings and stuff

But he always brings niece and nephew home stuff from Hogsmade that he thinks they’ll like 

Hunk, Lance, and Shiro meet because Hogwarts started a club during the summer for Muggleborns where they can meet and talk about concerns with Hogwarts and magic and stuff with other muggleborns that are older

So Lance and Hunk soon become really close friends and Shiro is kinda their advisor and stuff

Anyways

Keith is a Halfblood, which makes sense because i mean he’s half galra on the show so

His mom was a witch, and idk if im going to have her run away for something or die?? I mean I kinda want her to run away cuz of something so they can be reunited but i have no idea what it would be unless this was during the time of harry potter and it had something to do with Voldemort but i kinda want to stay away from all that so ye

Pidge and Matt are purebloods

But they’re not the stuck up purebloods

They’re literally the Weasleys 

Sam has a fascination with muggle technology that Pidge and Matt share

So like, they have a lot of fancy tech

Pidge and Matt snuck a DS on campus and play Zelda at meals

Allura is probably a Pureblood but shes way less snooty, maybe even compared to her parents

As for teachers

Coran is Herbology teacher or something???

Alfor is Defense against the Dark Arts maybe??? I don’t know either him or Zarkon 

Haggar is obviously the potions teacher

ANYWAYS

Everyone hates Lotor cuz his parents are teachers and he’s a teachers pet

But back to Haggar in potions

So she’s like the slytherin head thing or whatever they were

so yknow she’s biased

and it doesnt help that her son is also slytherin

(also Zarkon is a Gryffindor sorryyyyy)

(This also could play into keith or lance’s story by them being compared to Zarkon or something and it unsettling them)

(This just in-- I think Zarkon should be the voldemort)

(oh shoot im getting sidetracked with imagining zarkon as voldemort and lance as harry potter)

(help)

ANYWAYS

So ofc she sees that Lance and Keith are always at each others throat

and makes them potions partnets

because it makes it easier for them to get in trouble because they keep fighting and then she can take points from gryffindor 

ANYWAYS

The one day they are tasked with making Amortentia, right??

Oh god this is so mcfreaking cliche im sorry

So Keef and Lonce are there, both tired from studying or something so already they’re cranky and half asleep

So they’re making the potion right?

And lance just coughs, a look of disgust on his face

“What?” Keef says. Lance plugs his nose.

“U stink, Keith.” And throughout potions class Lance keeps complaining that Keith smells really bad or something or he used too much cologne idk

Ofc like Pidge is in that class and shes snickering

Lance turns to her like “WHAT IS IT PIDGE” 

She asks him if he knows what the potion is supposed to do

He’s just like “It makes people fall in love with u.”

“Yes but what else?” Both keith and Lance stare at her blankly. She explains that when u smell it you smell what u love most

Both keef and lances eyes widen

For the first time in forever they’re quite the entire period

Keith has a gay panic

Lance has a bi panic

they are disasters

Shiro confronts pidge after that day

“Pidge what did u do to keef and lonce they’re broken”

Pidge is all like, “Excuse me????”

“They’re being nice to each other.” 

Hunk, who is also there, just snorts

“Pls explain this to me,” Shiro says, exasperated

Pidge explains the Amortentia scene

Shiro just laughs because of course they were in love with each other

(it lowkey reminds him of him and Adam)

(okay now i have theories that the reason why they made Adam shiro’s boyfriend is because its meant to mirror OTHER ships in voltron *cough* KLANCE and its foreshadowing or something i mean adam does look like lance and shiro and keith are sorta similar)

(shut up candy back to the AU)

Hunk admits that Lance has had a crush on keeth for like ever but he keeps saying its just a rivalry thing

Actual conversation between the two:

“And what’s up with his hair?? It’s like straight out of the 80′s and he has all the bangs over his eyes like an EMO like why is he trying to hide his eyes?” Lance blushes because he’s thinking about how beautiful Keefs eyes are. “Like why? Why is his hair like that i dont understand?? And what does he do to it why is it so soft???”

“You’ve touched his hair?”

“Yeah I was trying to see if I’m taller than him yet” Hunk was just confused but then Lance kept talking about keiths hair and he let it slip when it was like, almost 3am that keiths hair made him look pretty and lance would never be able to make that look good on himself, then immediately said something about the one time keef blew something up in first year because hes an idiot as a coverup

So hunk has known for some time

Even when lance didn’t know

So for the next couple weeks keith and lance act kinda weird around each other

because they don’t know how to handle feelings

they mostly avoid each other, standing on opposite ends of the room and glaring at each other

but of course that doesnt help them at all because for some reason they share a room

(oh my god they were roommates)

The rest of the boys in the room are angry because of all the sexual tension its giving them anxiety and they started sleeping in the commons

I actually have no idea who the other three boys would be because one of them couldnt be shiro because hes older and everyone else is in different houses so

At one point keith just blurts “Whats wrong with you?”

Lance gets all defensive because he takes it in a different way than Keith meant and thought Keith was saying he was flawed or something and he was broken and...

heres the langst

Lance just starts to get upset and is yelling saying nothing is wrong with him and he almost starts to cry because he’s just so confused and doesn’t know whats going on and he feels like hes not good enough for Gryffindor and

He has a lot of emotions

And he says all this, starting to ramble through tears, pouring all of his emotions out

Keef is shook

he doesn’t know what to do Lance never acted like this in front of him before and he’s never seen lance like this, so self conscious and doubting himself 

Keith doesn’t know how lance could even think these things because in his eyes-- lance is perfect

Lance has always been so much better at magic than he was

and He’s so confident and such a good Keeper 

He gingerly touches Lance’s shoulder. 

“Lance I--” Keith doesn’t know what words to say, but apparently he doesn’t need to say any

Lance wraps his arms around him, burying his face in his shoulder, sniffling

Keith is surprised at first because u know keef

He doesn’t know how to react when someone hugs him

He gently hugs lance back, resting his head on Lances and running his fingers through his hair

Lance calms down, his breathing slowing and seeming more relaxed

when he does, keith tries his best to tell him how great he thinks lance is and how hes jealous and all that

Lance pulls away, rubbing his eyes. 

“You mean it?” Keith nods solemnly, not looking at Lance. Lance touches his cheek, causing him to look back up, his brows knit together in confusion

Lance doesn’t know why, but he kisses him

(*klance fangirl in me starts screaming*)

and just??? the moment feels perfect to both of them? This was someone they always thought of as a rival, were always jealous of, and were always thinking about. They never truely understood their feelings for each other, until now

Shiro doesn’t comment when they walk into the dinning hall the next morning holding hands

But Pidge sure does 

Okay im trying to think of more headcanons involving people other than Shiro, Keith, and Lance because i love all the characters and they deserve attention

Hunk makes friends with two other Hufflepuff girls 

he he he yall know who it is

SHAY AND ROMELLE

MY GURLS

Shay and Romelle have been friends since they were first years and Shay yelled at Lotor for making fun of Romelle

they’ve been besties ever since

Hunk meets Shay and Romelle in Herbology because in like maybe 5th year or something Hufflepuff house was taught Herbology with the Slytherins. Every year before that it was either with Ravenclaw or Gryffindor so he would pair with Lance, Keith, Allura, or Shiro

Pidge was a year or two bellow him so they didn’t have classes together in case u were wondering

For the specific thing they needed a group of three and even though Hunk is a pretty nice guy and can make friends with everyone, everyone sorta had their trio

Because ofc he can find a PARTNER that was left out of their group of three, but suddenly they’re paired off in threes and there’s no sad loner who has no friends. 

Shay and Romelle have an opening in their group

Hunk goes to work with them

They’re honestly the cinnamon roll squad and when Hunk introduces them to his friends Lance and Pidge immediately nickname them that 

Hunk quickly falls in love with Shay

Like deeply in love

He’s always complimenting her and laughing at what she says

Romelle keeps trying to tell Shay that he likes her but Shay just goes “he’s just a nice person, Elle”

The Yule ball comes around ofc

and at this point Lance and Keith are dating

This is probably around.... Sixth year I want to say? 

So here’s the line up 

Keith and Lance go to the dance together

Shiro asks Adam in like this grand way and Adam is just like “wait we weren’t going together before??”

Matt doesn’t have a date but he invites Pidge because she threatened him (she wants to take pictures of Klance and Adashi acting cute and coupley to use as blackmail and Matt supports it)

Hunk starts freaking out because he really really really wants to ask Shay but he doesn’t know how

Lance gives him a pep talk, saying that she obviously likes him of course she’ll say yes

Hunk is still nervous

Lance is all like “C’mon asking your crush out isnt that bad if she says no she says no, but if she says yes then you get an awesome date.” 

“Says the one who had a crush on his boyfriend since second year and covered it up as a rivalry.” Lance looks offended.

“You need to stop hanging out with Pidge.” 

Lance decides to be Hunks wingman and starts asking Shay things like “You planning on going to the Yule Ball?” and “What do you think of Hunk?” He sees that she is very much interested and repots this to Hunk

He helps Hunk come up with a way to ask her

And its like the sweetest thing Romelle is in on it and she gives some stupid excuse as to why she cant study for herbology with them 

then her and lance hide behind a bookshelf, giggling

Hunk gets super flustered

But he manages to ask her

Shay also gets really flustered

But says yes

oof okay thats three of my big ships canon now for the fourth. 

When Hunk first introduces Allura to Romelle, her first thought is “Her. I want to date Her.” 

Now Lance and Allura have already come out to each other as bi disasters

It actually happened when Lance got with Keith and they were talking about him, doing facials (they take care of their skin with each other fite me) 

And Lance is just like “Yeah so I guess I like guys and girls” and allura is like “YOU CAN DO THAT” and lance is like “yeah????” and hes not sure if shes being biphobic or what and hes scared for like 0.1 second

and then allura just goes “Oh my god lonce i think i like guys and girls too”

And then they just start laughing

I guess I should also mention that they dated at one point too???

I don’t think it would’ve been super long, but probably around 3rd year they dated and thats actually probably how Allura got introduced to the Squad??

Lance first saw her when he finally joined the Gryffindor Quidditch team 

He got picked to be a Keeper the second year

So their first game is against ravenclaw

And he’s pretty good for the most part

And then all of a sudden he sees allura flying towards him and she looks so beautiful and how can she be so beautiful and--

She just scored a goal

and he was staring dumbly at her

So Lance and Allura’s relationship kind of developed like it did in the show with Lance flirting with her and Allura being annoyed to them becoming friends and eventually mutual crush

Allura’s actually the one to ask Lance out

They date for a while and theyre actually a really cute couple

(I may be a hardcore Klancer but I do find Allurlance cute on the occasion)

But after a bit... it kinda fades away?? I don’t know they just start to feel like when they kiss its not... not how they thought it would be??

They slowly start to realize that they kinda just want to be friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend

It just adds stress that they don’t want and they want to be able to tell each other anything without having to worry about stuff

so they break up soon after they start dating

sadly

but they dont?? feel too broken up about it???

The feeling was mutual

Plus they like each other much more as friends than romantic partners

They’re like the ultumate brotp 

Now they give each other facials every thursday

anyways

so allura finds out that she has a crush on Romelle

and who does she go to?

Ofc its lance hes a successful bi with a boyfriend

So he pretty much teaches her how to flirt

like seriously he teaches her how to flirt

And Allura makes it her duty to flirt with Romelle at every possibly oppertunity

Making Romelle freak out because how is she supposed to read this does she want to date Allura or????

They don’t really go any further for a while, its just allura slipping in little things every now and again or blowing kisses at romelle in the stands as she scores a goal

When the Yule ball rolls around, both Allura and Romelle dont have dates (Lotor asked Allura to the dance because they kissed one time in a game of spin the bottle and she responded with judoflipping him)

But they have fun

Everyone has fun actually

Its amazing and fluffy

(i feel like i should write a snapshot of this so i can finally write a fic that isnt centered around klance)

And a slow song comes on

Hunk and Shay awkwardly dance with each other, blushing brightly

Lance and Keith have their heads pressed together, Lance kissing Keith’s nose as they dance and making keith so flustered he stumbles and they both fall to the floor laughing

Adam and Shiro are that couple everyone is jealous of because theyre so perfect?? Like they have matching outfits and they dance gracefully and they kiss at just the right moments??

Pidge and Matt are god knows where probably videotaping the whole thing

And Allura kinda jokingly goes, “Well I guess then we should dance too.” And Romelle surprises her by taking her hand, pulling her onto the dancefloor

and freaking allura is actually really flustered and she’s blushing, having a hard time looking at Romelle

(romelle is having a hard time looking at her to fsajndvjhaio)

They’re both blushing. 

At the end of the song theyre much closer to each other than they started

They look up at each other

And then Romelle squeezes her eyes tight and kisses allura

It barely lasts for a second

Allura is shook

Romelle is in Lesbian Painc

Allura is in Bi Panic

Nobody seems to have noticed

but both girls are dying

And then allura just timidly asks, “Can you-- can you do that again?”

Pidge walks up to them kissing and just goes, “Oh thank god I thought I was going to have to force you two to kiss”

Because pidge oversees everything and knows everyones crushes that theyre too stupid to see

I feel bad for pidge i don’t really know what big moments she should have???

I feel like shes a trouble maker though

Not like cruel pranks or something 

But she likes to play jokes on people

A lot of the times that person is Lance

A lot of the time Keith is in on it

I also feel like eventually Allura and Romelle start to join her??

She recruits them for some big thing

Idk what

Its probably like a surprise for either Klance’s anniversary or Adashi’s 

And they love this way of life

Romelle betrays the cinnamon roll squad and goes to the dark side

Also a little more about pidge

She was almost a Hat Stall

Her two houses were Slytherin and Ravenclaw

But at like 4 min and 43 seconds the hat announced slytherin

her family is actually a mix of slytherins and ravenclaws

her dad and brother are ravenclaws

her mom is slytherin

OH AND BEFORE I LEAVE

Lances rivalry with Keith started because Keith bought the last of the candy he wanted on the train

And during like 7th year when they’re cuddling or something and Keith is like “why did u start this rivalry” and lance says it’s because he took the candy and Keith is SHOOK and goes “I would have shared if u asked”

and yeah i may add but heres most of the headcanons i came up with

[solunova]

hey uh ib is... como se dice... a Fuck. like as someone who is still trying to recover psychologically after graduating and getting my diploma. like i was Smart Good At School and hung out with Smart Good At School and we were all dying the entire time. you may have some issues but like. shit's fucked man

(Another Anonymous said: Hey don’t stress yourself too much with ib stuff, they suck now and are so freaking stressful but they are definitely steps that will help you down the road (coming from someone who definitely credits all the ia and shit I had to write to helping me rewrite a 10 page college paper 3 days before it’s due and get an a on it) these things have their place in you academic journey (also don’t stress the ioc’s too much you have that knowledge in your brain you can do it!))

i guess before i start: thank you two. person 1 for validation in my pain and 2 for encouragement that ill be okay and that it isnt all for naught. i appreciate both of yall! 

but its my birthday at 1:40 am and im fucking SAD cause im up trying to write my entire bio ia due friday after some Complications came up so this is gonna be a mostly negative retrospective of my last two years and the circumstances that ive lived in due to the ib

i refuse to put this under a cut yall scroll past word walls anyways

so heres my hot and absolutely original take: i recognize that ib is extremely beneficial in certain regards. i know from everyone who took it telling me that its good for college experience and all that kind of stuff, both on a knowledge/content level and on, as person 2 describes, an “i cant get off my ass to write this paper in time” level and being able to compensate for that. i agree with that! I am extremely grateful for an increased class difficulty, especially in the fields where i knew what was happening already and spent classes bored until ib. and like! ib english is the first goddamn time ive EVER talked about the evils of imperialism and colonialism in an academic setting. that shit is vital to our future and yet no normal class talks about it!!! its terrible! and ib history is the first time ive ever enjoyed a history class and gotten even a margin of a good feeling out of it. like there are some really good parts of ib that ive written every damn college entry essay ive gotten on. i Know.

but like okay lets start with the fact that going into this that they (as in all ib teachers) were like “oh itll break you out of procrastination! itll teach you to constantly be studying!!! its what you need for college!!!!!” when it has done all of jack and shit to help us achieve that. its just kind of put us in the lions den and let us scramble at the walls for a foothold to get out or at least survive, maimed and depraved. if it sees us stopping to catch our breath, it shoots at our feet. the ibo extorts our misery to feed their mirth

lets also acknowledge that dumb fucks who take full ib, or even worse, those taking pseudo full ib (ie all classes but no diploma cause their extended essay busted and they gave up ie me) mostly take it due to extreme pressure, be it from their schools, their family, or their own psyche, saying they arent good enough if they dont take the highest offered classes, or even more that if they arent doing well in those classes its a product of their own shortcomings and then spend most of the rest of the time in ib degrading themselves because no matter how much time they put in they cant be the best and all that fun stuff. ib kids are put on a sort of pedestal by the school but then left on their own. 

i, of course, see this as a much greater academic institution integrated mindset that needs to be addressed and challenged, but to force it on kids who have to not only go through with it for the next four years, but also because its targeted at these kids that are higher achieving “gifted and talented” fucking whatever, most likely the rest of their lives?

its straight up psychologically damaging to give such a rigorous course load and no help for the effects and self esteem issues from it, no help for the people who dont know how to give up and instead run themselves in the fucking dirt and strain themselves to the edges of their goddamn sanity, spending what little time is left in their adolescence treating themselves like shit

idealistically, ib is wonderful. i think it carries out some of its best traits (integrating global thinking, allowing a more freeform discussion of many things, etc), but i also recognize how absolutely full of shit it is in many corners (regarding encouraging service, intellectual honesty, whatever else), one, and that a lot of people are just.. not up to the task. they may have the ability intellectually, but not mentally. i firmly believe that anyone can do anything if they set their minds to it but i have become the victim of my own philosophy because that came at the expense of my well-being.

and the fact that when i tried to tell my coordinator this she a) did not let me just NOT do the ee despite how strained i was(which i didnt end up doing, lick my whole dick mrs kurtz) and stole my summer from me because between being depressed as hell at gsp i was a nervous wreck about what they could do to me or how i was going to accomplish anything that i needed to, and that i havent had a proper break from school in three straight years, that im still running on empty essentially and b) that when i told the other ib coordinator, 4 months later, theres not a souls chance in hell that i was gonna fucking do it, that she lectured me and made me cry in class about how “you cant see the forest for the trees” “thisll help you later in life” “youre throwing away jobs” all that fun stuff like

its evil

the lack of care that often goes into it

the extreme magnitude of work that, sure, is feasibly possible for a 16-18 year old to do, but here theyre expected to

the fact that the classes fall in a time where gpa is so absolutely vital to colleges and scholarships (and given that its these ib kids’ personality and intellectual dispositions, even more so - both in esteem and necessity)

the fact that so many of the classes and so much of the coursework is empty, ultimately

its kind of a bad system

not even to MENTION the egotistical complexes, both inwardly as addressed and outwardly as in being the most godawful kind of people that manifests in these people that think theyre gods gift to the world cause they took ib and “if you spend time bitching about ib you deserve to fail because that was time you could have spent working” like you sound like the worst kind of person and i dont fucking care. theres a girl in my classes who is so upset every time someone doesnt listen to her because she thinks everything she has to say is the goddamn gospel and ib really attracts these kinds of people and its the WORST

[ofevies-blog]

[JEON SOYEON, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER] — i wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve seen [SONG YEEUN] around century records, though most people tend to call them [EVIE]. perhaps you’ve noticed the [TWENTY] year old with the rest of CHERRY KISS as a [RAPPER], but if you want to get official they’re technically the [MAIN RAPPER] of the group. on stage people always say they’re [JOCULAR] & [SELF-RELIANT], but off the stage you might notice they’re also [UNPERTURBED] & [OBNOXIOUS]. — [m, 21, she/her, gmt]

overly-glossed lips, high-waisted fishnets, addicting variety appearances, designer labels all over — and overflowing charisma ? that’s evie, main rapper of cherry kiss. if u wanna plot tap the heart or im me ! and check her pinterest out : x !

tw : slight mentions of sexual harassment 

these are gonna be real rough points until i finish all of her pages and flesh her out fully ! i have some driving to do today so i can’t be on my laptop for much longer ... so these might be all over the place ?

so the first thing you have to know ( and the first thing the public sees ) is that evie has a magnetic personality ... call her a siren, a femme fatale, an it-girl ... all of the labels fit her just right ... even without trying, she has charisma that naturally flows out of her ... 

think of lee mijoo’s posing outside of music shows ? those dramatic modelling poses she does ? ( here, here, here, ) that’s literally what i envision evie being like ... 

i also imagine her being as popular for variety shows as jennie and jooe ( from momoland ) are ... she’s loud and charismatic and isn’t afraid to act a fool ! i can really see her having viral moments and fancams just due to how she oozes charismas and charm ... very very into fanservice and in general just has so much confidence that nothing phases her ? doesn’t care if her skirts or shorts are too short like she’d dance her heart out anyway and oWN it

anyway so she was born in busan but her parents moved to canada ( quebec specifically ) when she was about two ? so she wasn’t in sk for that long

though she did visit in the summer and her parents did speak to her in korean so she is pretty on par with her korean, but she does struggle w it sometimes bc she was in a french/english speaking country for 14 yrs so she can get rough

her mom actually is a professor and has been dedicating her career to teaching korean to students all over the world and also teaching cultural studies so evie is very well-cultured and well-educated uwu

her dad is a lawyer

anyway growing up in canada left her very well-educated because she was exposed to a much more open and liberal country, so she is verykeen on feminism and sociopolitical issues and girl power - to the point century sometimes has to tell her to shut up about it to avoid scandals, but that.. badass female in charge persona is just something she exudes well, so cherry kiss was a perfect fit for her to ... show it without ... losing fans or pissing off too many people !!

but that being said she has a high potential to get into a scandal bc of it ... she’s very loud and opinionated and it’s hard for her to keep her mouth shut

she actually experienced some sexual harassment by male students and teachers at her school - not long-term abuse or an assault, just some really gross objectifying comments and unwanted touches. experiencing that for so long, she got very passionate about women’s rights so she puts her foot down whenever she’s asked to do shit she’s not ok with !! and she will always protect other idols who are asked to do the same kinda objectifying shit

and also she is so ... so persistent on OWNING her own body and her own sexuality so she does fanservice and acts sexy on her own time in her own way, she isnt afraid to be very sexual 

also is a hoe

very much a hoe

plot hoe shit with her

so she can be... a handful for century, a scandal waiting to happen fr but she is so damn talented it’s hard to let go of her

she is also super rebellious and breaks the rules a lot heh

she actually attended a professional dance and music training school in montreal from 4 and a half to 16, per her mother’s love of dance and the arts, so she is an extremely good dancer as well as an amazing rapper / vocalist. just very well-trained ?

that being said because of her Training and her education she can be very judgmental and nitpicky about ... everything. she won’t hesistate to comment on your lines and form, on your technique, your use of your head voice and resonance ... 

again just so fucking opinionated shut her up PLS

so yeah she can sometimes have a very obnoxious, know it all... better than u attitude heh ... 

she’s just very proud of herself shemeans well

also a cheerleader at the high school she attended outside the music school uwu ... veryflexible

very much an it girl all her lifeee

anyway she ended up finishing her music and dance training earlier at 16 due to her education and her talents, and her parents had always planned to bring her back to korea once she’d finished the school

so she came back to korea in the summer of 2014 and has been brushing up on her korean ever since, but she’s doing quite well due to her parents actively speaking to her. she finished her last years of school in busan upon returning

immediately upon coming to busan, she participated in a dance cover group and posted rap covers online ( having actively been watching them and the kpop scene in canada ) she was scouted off the videos, really, due to her talents and charisma

while she absolutely loves being an idol and adores the chance to dance and rap to her hearts’ content, she is constantly torn up about ... being in such an antagonizing, sexist, homophobic industry ? so she is constantly battling with that ... always kind of feeling like shes letting her mom, who is soooooo active in women’s rights, down - as well as other women

and yEA i need to flesh her out more but thats the basics heh

[chokememrstark]

The Soulmate Sam Never Asked For // Part 1

Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)

Words: 2432 (Chapter 1 / 12)

Fic Summary: Sam absolutely hates the idea of soulmates and when he meets his own he stubbornly refuses to accept what fate has in store for him. Lucifer, his supposed soulmate, actually scares him to no end and he cannot imagine ever feeling any different, no matter what. The more time passes, however, the more he finds himself involved in his soulmate's life against his will. Soon, he's faced with the truth about the rude and cold punk's actual self and has to decide if he turns his back at his soulmate or does what feels right for him, despite the possible consequences.

college!AU, human!AU, soulmates!AU, dysfunctional families, abusive parents, dramatic romance, or romantic drama, your choice, big brother!Lucifer, soulmates hating each other, referenced alcoholism, death and abuse, some violence, and lots of feels, fluff and cuteness, some drama but not too much, lots of bickering, and two damn stubborn soulmates (!!)

Note: My lovely beta reader @brieflymaximumprincess called this a rom-com and even though I don’t believe it is, in my eyes, it does have certain elements of it. This is not the angst you know from me, not at all.

Yes, there is some drama, but there is also a lot of sweet and cute moments, much more than the dramatic ones. I guess you could say I accidentally wrote cute fluff? Because it was not intended, but here we are.

This fic is already completed and will be posted by the regular schedule from now on: Thuesday, Thursday and Saturday! So, enjoy ♥

Tagging: @shebahda   @sassysupernaturalsweetheart    @spnyoucantkeepmedown  @brieflymaximumprincess @multifandomhcsforinsanity @etysky @justasmalltownsuperwholock @humongouscandycoffee @blakechaos08

If you want off the tag list or want to be added, just drop me an ask or IM!

Read on AO3!

Soulmates are bullshit, that was always Sam’s motto. Who wanted to spend the rest of their life with someone just because fate decided they had to be together? Worked out great for his parents in the end, with his mom dead and his dad becoming an alcoholic. He had decided a long time ago that he didn’t want his soulmate, no matter who it would turn out to be. It wasn’t as if he wouldn’t have enough problems without a relationship already anyways.

Sam was in college for a year now and things were stressful, to put it mildly. The last year had gone by faster than he thought was possible and even his summer holidays seemed to be over in a heartbeat. Now that his brother had volunteered to take him back to campus - a week earlier than necessary because Sam had insisted on it - he felt like he could use two more months to calm down completely.

“Relax, Sammy,” Dean grinned and tapped on the steering wheel with his fingers in sync with the music. “You’re going back to what you enjoy the most, studying your ass off, isn’t that something good?”

“Yeah, easy for you to say,” Sam huffed and crossed his arms. “You weren’t the one who had to listen to dad’s monologue on how I’m wasting his money on becoming a vampire to society.”

“He hates lawyers, you know that.” Dean rolled his eyes. “You’ll see, once you get your diploma he’ll change his mind.”

“If he still has some brain cells left to think by then.”

Dean glared over at his younger brother for a moment, angry and almost judging, but Sam met his glare with the same look, and in the end, they both broke out in laughter that filled the whole car, even drowning ACDC with it.

“You’re not wrong, sadly,” Dean eventually sighed and turned on the blinker to switch lanes. “It’s getting worse with him lately. While you were there he was actually nice, I’m glad I can move out soon so I don’t have to live with how he’s gonna be again once you’re gone.”

“So you’ll take the room?” Sam raised a brow. “I thought you wanted to keep looking to get into a house with only girls.”

“Well, I had to change my plans.” Dean shrugged with a smirk. “The guys are pretty cool, two brothers actually, and they don’t care for what I do as long as I pay the rent.”

“Sounds like heaven,” Sam groaned. “My pothead roommate luckily dropped out, so I won’t have to deal with him anymore. Thank God!”

“As long as it doesn’t get worse with the next one,” Dean pointed out, and Sam literally shuddered at the thought.

“I’m gonna drop out too if the next one is worse, trust me.”

Sam had no desire for a new roommate and as far as he knew no one was scheduled to live with him yet, but unfortunately that could change any day. He hoped to be able to use the first week to plan out his classes and everything in peace; a new roommate wasn’t at all what he wanted.

“You think Dad will manage?” Sam asked instead of continuing the topic, to which Dean shrugged.

“Probably,” he answered. “Either that or we’ll get a call one night that he wrapped his car around a tree. We can’t change it, Sammy, you know that. He just doesn’t care anymore.”

“Yeah,” Sam sighed and looked out the window. “He never recovered from her death, am I right?”

“Happens when you lose your soulmate,” Dean just said, but it didn’t make anything better. For Sam, it only made things worse.

There it was again: soulmates. Did the robber that broke into their house care about soulmates when he stabbed their mom twenty-two times before letting her die on the kitchen floor? Did the police care about soulmates when they interrogated their dad for hours and hours because they suspected him to have killed her? Did their dad’s boss care for soulmates when he fired him because he had to take care of two little boys all by himself and was completely overwhelmed? Of course not. No one gave a shit about soulmates if it wasn’t about their own. Sam hated it so much.

“I hope my soulmate died already,” Sam huffed, meaning every word. “I don’t care for this crap, look what it got us into.”

“You’re just bitter, that’s all. Once it happens you’ll forget this nonsense.”

“You’ll see,” Sam scoffed, dead serious. “I won’t let this bullshit dictate my life.”

Maybe he was bitter, so what? Sam had seen how much suffering and pain soulmates brought upon families and people, and he didn’t want to be a part of it.

The rest of their drive was mostly silent, but when Dean dropped Sam off at Stanford they hugged and Sam promised to be home for Thanksgiving, even though they both knew he probably wouldn’t be. Thanksgiving was always an awful time in their house, they both didn’t want to be there at that time. Maybe they’d see each other on Christmas, that was possible.

During the first week, Sam managed to calm down from his awful holidays slowly. He finished organizing his schedule and by the time the first other students came to campus at the end of the week, he was actually looking forward to his classes starting. Dean called him once to tell him he moved in with the boys, as he called them, and gave him his new address, but other than that nothing really important happened.

His second year officially started and Sam walked into his first class - that’s when things started to change. Sam suddenly began feeling very weird when the doors closed and their professor began speaking. He barely heard his first words because he was too confused by the strange tingling in his body and actually looked around the room to see if he could find the reason for this unusual sensation. At first, he didn’t even think about soulmates, he feared he was just getting nervous or sick when all other students looked at the professor - apart from one here and there that simply showed no interest at all.

Sam shook his head slowly and tried to concentrate, but it remained a difficult task as if something inside of him constantly wanted to look elsewhere. He barely managed to take any notes properly and cursed himself for screwing up his first lecture like that already when it was over. When he walked over to the next one, he truly hoped this annoyingly distracting feeling would go away. Much to his relief, he actually felt much better during his next lecture. Whatever had happened, Sam tried to convince himself that it was just random anxiety flaring up. The rest of the day went by rather smoothly, which helped him in believing his very weak excuse.

There was only one tiny problem that burst Sam’s happy little bubble the next day. While sitting in a different course, he began feeling the same tingling and lack of concentration again, this time much more intense, however. It got so annoying that Sam spent almost the entirety of the time looking at other students and searching for familiar faces in the crowd. By now he did fear that his body’s weird reaction was due to what he hated so much and it didn’t help at all. There were a lot of people he had seen in his first course already sadly, too many to narrow it down to one or two, and they all looked rather disinterested, unlike Sam.

Sam tried his best to ignore this feeling whenever it came back for the rest of the week, but it was nearly impossible. By Friday night, he was so exhausted that he couldn’t even eat before dropping onto his bed and falling asleep. It was draining to constantly ignore his body’s needs and go against his instincts.

When he woke up on Saturday, around noon, which never happened before, Sam decided to call Dean to find out if he knew what the hell was going on. Sadly, his brother knew exactly what he was talking about.

“You really have no idea, do you?” Dean asked, almost laughing at the other end of the line. Sam was not happy about this reaction.

“I have one and I don’t like it,” he huffed and plopped down on the floor. “Tell me I’m going insane or have Malaria or whatever, just not this!”

“Sorry, little brother, but it’s true. That’s your body’s reaction when your soulmate is near you.”

“Oh, come on!” Sam protested and threw his hands up. “Not here! Not now, goddammit! I’ve got lectures to attend, I don’t have time for this shit!”

“You can either live with it or try to find out who’s causing it,” Dean suggested, obviously still grinning like the idiot he was. “It’s your choice.”

“And how do I find out who they are?” Sam asked annoyed. “There are dozens of students and none of them looked like they had the same thing happening to them!”

“Then they hide it pretty well, that’s funny.”

“I’m not laughing, Dean! I called you to help me, not make it worse!”

“Okay, okay,” Dean laughed again. “Allow your brother some fun, geez. You can try to narrow it down if you’re patient, might work.”

“And how do I do that?” Sam was out of ideas and completely pissed off about this.

“Be in class first and watch who comes in. If you start feeling like that again, bingo! You got your soulmate.”

“Seriously, that’s your big advice?”

“A bullet to the head should get rid of it too but I doubt that’s very helpful.”

Sam groaned and slapped a hand against his forehead. As much as he hated to admit it, Dean’s idea wasn’t the worst. Searching for his soulmate his own way had not worked and he had no energy to walk around campus to maybe spot them somewhere. It was worth a try at least.

“I swear if it’s that ugly guy with the dreadlocks and piercings all over I’m gonna throw up and kill myself…” Sam eventually sighed, to which Dean laughed again.

“Who knows, maybe it’s a hot chick with big arguments? You won’t know if you don’t try to find out, right?”

“I’m gonna kill you one day, I hope you know that.”

“Of course, bitch. Tell me when you start dating the dreadlock guy, alright?”

“In your dreams, jerk,” Sam huffed and hung up, but he couldn’t hold back a smile at Dean’s last comment. The idea was laughable, but he still didn’t know who it was, so it might not be too far away from the truth.

Sam debated his new plan over the weekend - luckily he didn’t experience any weird distraction or sensation over those days - and came to the conclusion that it was the best idea he had. There was no downpouring rain when someone met their soulmate or bells ringing or anything like that, so there really was little else to do and find out. When Monday came and his first lecture was ahead, Sam walked into class thirty minutes early just to be completely sure.

At first, nothing happened. Several groups of girls walked in, giggling and laughing, but he felt no different than before. In fact, he didn’t feel anything at all for the whole thirty minutes and already cursed Dean in his mind for this stupid idea when the professor started talking, but then it suddenly happened and he basically spun around in his seat, eyes wide and heart beating mercilessly in his chest. He would have even been happy about the dreadlock guy when he realized who he was looking at right now.

“Mister Milton,” the professor said strict and very annoyed, to which Sam’s heart dropped in his chest. “I won’t tolerate being late to my lectures, this is your one and only warning.”

Sam wanted to hide in his seat when he saw the death glare the blond gave their professor, but all he could do was stare. The guy was definitely older than him, a few years probably, and looked like he jumped straight out of a punk band from twenty years ago. His blond hair stood up in spikes and his clothes were torn and ripped and had spikes everywhere possible. Even his face was creepy, kind of, with this slightly disgusted expression and the pierced lip and ears - Sam only saw one but he was sure both were covered in holes.

“No reason to wet your pants, go take a Valium or something...” the blond said with a low and grumpy voice that sent shivers down Sam’s spine and began walking towards an empty seat in the back row, maybe twenty feet away from the other.

“You can drop this attitude right here and now, Mister Milton,” the professor scolded the student again when he sat down and promptly put his feet down on his desk. “All it will get you is a trip to the headmaster. And now I would like to continue, since everyone arrived finally.”

“You can drop dead for all I care,” Sam heard his supposed soulmate mumble and his jaw nearly dropped at that.

As fast as he could, Sam turned around again, just so he didn’t have to look at this guy anymore. This couldn’t be, this had to be a joke! His soulmate couldn’t possibly be this rude punk that looked like he was in his mid-twenties already and that apparently thought he owned the world?! Sam covered his face in his hands and stopped paying attention to the professor altogether, just cursing himself for even listening to his stupid brother and his idiotic ideas.

During the whole class, Sam couldn’t bring himself to listen to his professor more than half-way, even though he tried his best to focus. He felt nauseous and nervous all the time and it just wouldn’t go away.  At one point it was so bad that he couldn’t stop himself from looking up, of course promptly meeting a very suspicious looking pair of blue eyes. He blushed heavily and immediately turned back around, a cold stone in his stomach and his hands sweating like crazy. Dammit, he should have expected that. The guy was the reason he felt like this and it got even worse when he looked at him. Sam was sure he’d die within another week.

[naruto-oc-critiques]

Yume sanpo

Pretense: AU, slightly- cannon

Name: Yume Sanpo (散歩夢, Sanpo Yume)

Clan:  Sanpo family

Gender: female

Age:  22

Time set in:  Part 1 -  Naruto era

Birthplace: Konohagakure

Lives in: Konohagakure

Appearance:             As an adult, Yume sports a short sleeved linen top that ties in the front that has and a long teal apron like skirt, her forehead protector is stitched onto her right sleeve. Underneath she wears a pair of blueish-purple silk high waisted shorts, she also wears a pair of mesh arm and leg warmers and open-toed sandals. She dons the standard Konoha uniform while on missions. Her hair is a very light blonde which people often mistake her as a Kumo expat rather than a true born Konoha native. 

Unusual features: Full lips and thick rounded eyebrow, and heavy-lidded eyes, and yellow eye shadow 

I like this outfit, it really suits a female kunoichi. Also the fact that she actually wears the uniform while on missions is something that’s not commonly seen. Although why would people mistake a blonde for kumo when Konoha definitely has blonde clans and such? I also have to ask why there are considered ‘unusual features’? - Kaida

Family: Muji (father), Nodoka (mother), Kasuka (brother), Hinode, Moya and Yoake (sisters; triplets)  

Has an older brother named Kasuka who became a ninja year’s before she did in order to support the family’s financial needs. Prior to that, he helped his father with the family’s business and was often the clerk out front welcoming customers or working at the cash register handling the money.

Her father Muji was left crippled after a workplace accident when she was just three years old during the carving of the fourth hokage’s bust onto the hokage monument. He supported his son’s decision on becoming a ninja and signed his entrance forms personally. He butted heads with his wife often because of his decision. Years later he would sign his daughter’s despite his wives pleads not too.

Her mother Nodoka is the matriarch of the family. She stays at home to care for her young triplet daughters. She feels guilty for accepting the money her son makes as a shinobi; thinking them as only “glorified murderers and thieves” however she does accept the ‘blood money’ but hides it in efforts of trying not to rely on it out of pride.

Since moving in with her brother and his girlfriend, Yume has not formally interacted with her younger sisters; the clingy girls are often at their mother’s side afraid of strangers. Neither of them has yet to open to Yume about anything and are often quiet when she’s around.

Occupation: Academy teacher

Rank:  Chūnin 

I really like her family dynamic and the fact that shes an academy teacher and not a super active duty jounin or anbu as we so often see - Kaida

Team: Team Shinju: Shinju Kirio (sensei), Yosamu Toyō, Mozu Yūyake

Relationships:   

Yume’s two closest friends are Sadoru and Kasuka. Sadoru is Yume’s neighbor and they work together in the academy, Sadoru was often a gossiper that Yume grew tolerant of making their friendship and unlikely one that endured due to them being neighbors and childhood friends. Despite being only two years younger than her brother, they share a very healthy sibling relationship. Kasuka often gave Yume advice that she took to heart in her everyday life.

She has a long-standing relationship with Iruka that become awkward when they interact because of their pass history.

Personality:

          Reserved, pensive and cautious; Yume lacks self-confidence. Often influenced by her family, she is not without a certain inner strength that makes her efficient when faced with life’s struggles.  However, because of her insecurity she often doubts and is rather wary of the unknown and the unexpected. However, yume is reliable and responsible and can thrive in almost any situation. She enjoys challenges and new experiences and is at ease with change even during stressful situations. Though she is often gullible at time’s and believes in second chances, always wanting to see the best in others.  

          Yume is a hard-worker that can work tirelessly without counting the hours, which often has her family and friend’s worried about her well-being. With her hypersensitive nature, Yume’s mother always thought that she was often immature and dependent; though this isn’t the case. While Yume has a sensitive nature, she is fond of her independence and is very capable of taking responsibility.

Weaknesses: Confrontation, taking on too many projects at once, making conversation with strangers, and Unexpectedly sensitive and it shows in her facial expressions Strengths: Strong work ethic, Tact and diplomacy and Adapting to changing circumstances

Introvert or extrovert?  Introvert. Takes a while to warm up to people. Once she’s comfortable with someone, she’s very open and witty. Hobbies: Flower pressing; came from her dislike for restlessness because it would preoccupy her hands Likes: long walks, quietness and strong black teas sweetened with a lot sugar Dislikes: sudden loud noises, bitter tea and being restless Goals/dreams/aspirations: She wants her family to be stable Fears: Since becoming a ninja Yume developed a fear of dying. She often worries about the unknown and make scenarios out of certain situations.  

I really like her relationships and how they influence her, I think she has a super well rounded personality! Also such a nice realistic fear, especially considering she works in a profession where she could easily die!! I love it! - Kaida

History: 

  Yume was the second child of Nodoka and Muji Sanpo. She was beautiful like her mother but was softer spoken. Unlike her older brother she doesn’t rebel against her parent’s ideals, but she doesn’t share their opinions and views. Her sisters are born a few years later. She never had to do anything as a kid. She was spoiled rotten. Her dad tried for a while to make her do things like chores, but her mother was not having it and finally her dad gave up.  She wasn’t spoiled in the sense that she got everything she wanted. Their family didn’t have the money for that, but she was spoiled attention-wise. As she got older she felt that her mother was smothering her.

   At age four Yume once walked in on her dad, since then she becomes extremely shy and uncomfortable around nude or immodestly dressed men and her mother often teases her about it. Because of her large household, Yume rarely got sleep and earned the nickname Ime which meant “sleepy eye.”

   When Yume was five years old, a rodent killed her father’s prized summer lilies.  She trapped the animal, intending to release it the next day but did not give it enough food and it died that night. The incident served as a reminder to Yume to avoid causing harm to other living things. Much to her father’s surprise, however, she asked to be enrolled into the ninja academy and she begins attending the academy sometime after. When Yume was ten years old, she and her fellow classmate attended a lecture given by the third Hokage.

The Third Hokage, tells them about the Will of Fire and encourages the children to protect those they care about. He questioned her if it was right for one to use violent means to defend one’s self from violence. Yume is conflicted about her answer. 

A nice internal conflict, and the fact that she’s hesitant when it comes to the death of others is so rarely seen. It’s nice to see that she’s not huge on violence - Kaida

Academy Days

      During her time at the academy Yume’s most distinguishing feature is her dark ruddy skin, a trait she has been ridiculed about for years on end. Yume is a capable student who studies regularly and does not neglect her schoolwork. Yume regularly got into fights, due to the color of her skin. She works as hard as she does to overcome the misconceptions many have about her based on her skin color and fighting. She became adept in genjutsu.

Why was she ridiculed for the color of her skin? - Kaida

Third Shinobi World War

   Because of Yume’s natural talent for genjutsu; when she was around 10 years old, she became a genin and meets her teammates Yosamu Toyō, Mozu Yūyake and jounin sensei Shinju Kirio. Just before the third shinobi world war Yume took genjutsu training from Kurenai, as Kurenai and her class once mentored the younger classes before their graduation. Yume was assigned to Kurenai who tried to trick her with her own genjutsu without realizing that Yume had the ability to dispel it. Kurenai praised Yume for her mental ability with Kurenai’s help she was able to Introduce her genjutsu to the physical world without the need to use wave hand signs.

   Kurenai introduced using nature elements around her by using scents and color. It was because of Kurenai she found out what her nature element was. Yume was able to come up with a pink powder that induce a dazed-like feeling onto her enemies, distracting them before she actives her genjutsu ‘Inverted World’. The two bonded over the fact that they were genjutsu users and Kurenai was one of the most adept of its users at the time. Yume began to look up to Kurenai and called her big sister often. She was later taught kenjutsu by her father.

Konoha eventually became embroiled in the Third Shinobi World War. As part of the war effort, Team Shinju was assigned to retrieve seven Iwa agents. They successfully retrieved six of the agents, however one of them managed to escape.  

Nine tails attack

    Yume was 11 years old during the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox Attack. She and many of Konoha’s another young ninja was prevented from helping defend the village, instead being confined within a barrier to keep them safe. She was eventually carted to a bunker shelter with other civilians which she was reunited with her parents. She soon learned that the advanced forces were killed and heard a familiar scream from a young boy.

She soon realizes that the gut curling scream came from Iruka, a classmate of hers, who began to sob about his parents. Her mama hugged her tighter than she ever did for the rest of the night.  Minato eventually saved the village from the Nine-Tails, but at the cost of his and Kushina’s lives.

Nine tails attack: Aftermath

   She went back to class months after the attack once the school house was repaired. She watched Iruka struggle and slowly became the butt of everyone’s jokes her teachers lessen their views about her while they focused on Iruka. She struggled to understand him not knowing that he lost his parent’s. But him becoming the classes clown all of a sudden, she couldn’t wrap her head around his sudden change attitude.

   She asked her parents for advice and was only told that he was only attention seeking. But she couldn’t help but wonder why. One day she followed Iruka home, only to find out that he lived alone. Once she came back home, she made two bento boxes and hid them away from her siblings. At lunch she tracked down Iruka, who sat at the edge of a deck where they often had training exercises and offered him a bento box. He was surprised by her action and tried to play it off by telling her that he wasn’t hungry before his stomach growled. She laughed at him all the while pushing the box into his hands.

    He told her about the night he was on the field. She was amazed that was able to get that far as  she and a group of other’s where stopped and brought to the bunker shelter, he then told her that he was with his parents, his mother protected him and was injured, and he was carted away just before they were told that the advance forces were killed.      He continues to tell her that both of his parents were killed. She felt sorry for him soon realizing why he was doing what he did. He thanked her as they enjoyed the rest of their break. From then, she began to bring two bento’s school while she slowly found out what he liked, and she tried to prepare it to the best of her abilities. The two of them became close friends and shared and accidental kiss at one point. Because of that kiss they became awkward around each other and barely spoke even at lunch, because their encounters would often leave Yume in a bumbling mess of words.

All in all, Yume is a breath of fresh air. I love her conflicts and her family, the fact that even as a trained shinobi she’s still hesitant to kill others and worries about the morals of it all. As well as her still being a chunin and teaching in the academy as opposed to being an anbu or jounin or kage (which we’ve all done). There are some questions I have, ‘why would her father sign the sheets for her and her brother if her mother wasn’t on board?’ ‘why was she bullied and ridiculed for the color of her skin? Especially after we’ve seen characters of every different type of coloring within konoha even?’ ‘why are her “unusual features” described as unusual?’ - Kaida