#im at work but....ill be around to chat and also ill be home by the time we oPEN

[todayisafridaynight]

i HAVE to keep the daigo plush locked away lest i squeeze it every five minutes to alleviate the cuteness aggression i feel whenever i see it

[cherry-shipping]

ok Heres some thoughts now that im not stupidly sleepy anymore. i like thinking about dreamys first encounter with miles after entering his universe, freshly mutated and not having any real idea of whats going on, confused as fuck. so they see spiderman on the news and go “shit, thats the guy i gotta talk to, how the FUCK do i get in contact with him” and then IM THINKING they do something very silly and dramatic which is to stage a crime like an armed robbery or something so hell show up, then as soon as hes there they drop the weapon or whatever and go “oh good it worked. sorry about scaring everyone i just needed to talk to spiderman for a second ill find some way to pay for therapy if anyone needs it after this” and then telling him about their own powers so he can help

[toastsnaffler]

still have some brain fog but nowhere near as bad as the last couple days 👍

[in-som-niyah]

ok i’ve been having this thought for a while… since jason is so attentive what are some things he would do that makes reader’s life easier??? like i see him as such an acts of service man like if all else fails he will make sure you’re never out of your fav tea or something idk im sorry if this doesn’t make sense 😭😭

"I Do, I Do, I Do"

A/N: digging myself out of a depressive episode with this one + this is my first fic after my long ass hiatus so pls be nice to me im trying

Attentive!Jason Todd will pay so much attention to you you would think he has a camera on you 24/7 and watching your every move.

Jason would remember the big things, like anniversaries and birthdays, but also days of the year when he knows you need the most support from him. If a parent/guardian/loved one died on a specific day/time of year he's attuned to your emotional needs and keeps up with your physical ones (like food and sleep) so you can focus on being ok again. (i am NOT projecting chat)

Jason would also remember the little things, like your favourite tiny spoon, the way you prefer spearmint to wintermint in gum and toothpaste, the way you compulsively brush your hair to the side when your bangs get too long, when it's time for you to leave a social situation. He's just always looking at you and around you to make sure you're happy and smiling when you wave back at him form across the room.

If you have health problems, Jason would never in his life let you run out of meds or whatever you need to combat your illness. The massage gun is always charged, heating pad always available, hot water bottles on standby, compression socks/arm bands at your disposal, everything. He doesn't wait for it to get bad either, he's picked up on your cues so well that he can almost predict a disaster before you do.

Speaking of prediction, he also knows that if you're not off work and in the apartment by a certain time, to start the laundry, dishes and order in/cook a quick dinner because he knows you'll come home a tense ball of stress and worry.

Jason who almost exclusively wears a specific type of softer fabric when you're around him because he loves it when you bury your face in his chest and rest your head on his bicep.

(For the short girlies) Jason who puts rubber corner protectors on the corners of your countertops and tables because you always bash your hips into them when you aren't paying attention.

Jason who does the laundry before you wake up in the morning and folds your clothes exactly the way you do because he knows you're particular about it & doesnt want you to stress about it in the morning.

Jason who puts gas in your car and repairs it himself or sends it to the bats to fix when he can't (he would never admit it though).

Jason who notices your favourite brands of food and makes sure they're always stocked (you're convinced it's witchcraft the way things don't run out)

Jason who just loves you. That's it. That's all. Just love. In any and all ways he can. All the time. In all conditions. In all situations. Patient. Loving. Kind.

[bunnyreaper]

𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖆𝖗𝖘 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖈𝖆𝖌𝖊𝖘 𝔞 𝔰𝔬𝔞𝔭 𝔪𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔞𝔳𝔦𝔰𝔥 𝔵 𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯 𝔰𝔢𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔰 𝖕𝖙 1 — 𝖕𝖙 2 𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 wc - 5.7k warnings - 18+/nsfw, dom sub dynamic, eventual romance/smut, medium burn? notes - first part of my owner!soap x pet!reader, woohoo! i already regret writing something centered around texting and calling lmao, crying!! the formatting is killing me!! anyway, also on ao3! and if you wanna send a request, pls do! ♥

Lonely girl looking for owner. 

Posting on this subreddit again was probably a mistake—but a deep-down part of you clings to the hope that this time will be the time you find someone, the time you get to go home to him. 

At least this time, you'll be better at spotting the signs right off the bat—if only you can take off the rose-tinted glasses long enough to take note.

Your inbox is flooded with the usual kinds of messages—unsolicited pictures, low-effort one-sentence wonders, and so-called doms jumping straight to the part where they call you a nasty whore with no actual consideration for the person you are. 

You're just about to give up, delete the post, and ignore all chat requests when a message arrives in your inbox. 

From: squeakycleanscot 

Subject: Lonely guy looking for girl

Hi,

Saw your post and knew I had to message. You sound like everything I'm looking for and more.

I'm a little younger than the age you put on your post, but I think I fit your other requirements. I'm 27, Scottish (yes, with the accent), and in the army, I hope that's a turn-on rather than a turn-off.

When I'm not deployed, I like cosy nights in, preferably with my love by my side. Don't mind a night at the pub either, especially if there's a Celtic match on, not that anywhere near here shows them. 

I'm looking for something longer term like you mentioned (would love to collar my girl one day, which is probably ironic considering I'm a wee bit scared of dogs.)

Happy to send a picture if you'd like :) 

Hope to hear from you soon, 

Johnny.

Johnny. 

You reread the message, turning his words over in your mind. 

Something about his message has your attention—it at least suggests he has a brain in his head and a heart capable of empathy, and that maybe he's serious. 

You begin typing your reply instantly, your fingers moving so fast you have to type and retype so many parts to rid the message of all of the overexcited mistakes.

hi johnny, 

scottish?! is it bad im already imagining how your dirty talk will sound? 

it's funny, i always wanted to join the army growing up, but it never worked out. maybe it's for the best as now i'm not immune to enjoying a hot man in uniform... which I'm assuming you are ;) 

cosy nights in are my favourite too! I'm a bit of a homebody and love being snuggled up more than anything. i have to let you know in advance that you have some stiff competition in the form of my giant teddy bear, barnaby. 

i'm looking for something longer term too, or at least not a one night kind of thing—a collar one day would be the dream <;3 

if you send a picture, ill send one back, nothing sexy just yet though, if that's okay? 

have you met up with someone off here before? just curious about your experiences! 

y/n

As soon as the message is sent, the overthinking kicks in—was that too much? Is he going to think you're weird? 

You shuffle in bed, turning over between the sheets and trying to flick through other apps as you wait for a reply—otherwise, you'd just be staring at the notifications bar waiting for that silly little robot face to pop up. 

Johnny doesn't leave you waiting long, only a few minutes passing from your last message.

Maybe you'll find out sooner rather than later just how my dirty talk sounds ;) 

I tried to sneak in before I was old enough, but they caught on. Served since I was 18 though, you'll have a lot of stories ready from me if you're ever willing to listen. Not sure if the uniform is anything like you're thinking though, in my unit it's mostly just t-shirts, tac vests and trousers. 

I'll prepare my best snuggling arms for if we ever meet. You should inform Barnaby now about his replacement, mind. 

Can't not send a sexy photo though, sorry lass, all my pictures are. I'm sure you understand, lol

Haven't met anyone, had a few conversations but nothing worth pursuing, and had kind of given up until I saw your post. 

His message is the perfect mix of sexy, sweet, and sincere—and if that is the essence of the man, you know he's everything you're looking for. 

You try not to think too hard about a hot Scottish accent calling you all your favourite names or telling you exactly what to do, or even those stories he has to tell, as the idea is all too exciting. 

Reading his message, you instinctively reach out to pat Barnaby when you see he may end up replaced—hopefully the poor bear will understand when he has to vacate the bed for this sexy soldier man. 

looking forward to it. can I start putting in requests now for bedtime stories too?

i still wanna see, maybe in your sexy-not-sexy pic? 

barnaby will be devastated by the news, and you may have to give him hugs too (but not for too long, or i'll get lonely!!!)

same here, about things not going anywhere... or people turning out to be a bit scary, so you're not allowed to let me down, okay? 

Maybe the last part of the message was too much, but your heart is already soaring with unbridled hope—along with that hope comes doubt too. 

Each second waiting for a reply drags, and you take to re-reading his messages and clicking on his profile to investigate. 

It's largely empty of posts, but there are tons of comments across different communities—including his aforementioned football team, r/Scotland, and eyebleach. 

Clearly, he's a softie at heart. 

When his next message comes through, it's an Imgur link with a short message. 

Here we go, a few months old though now. Don't have anything more recent from work :) 

You take a moment or two to steady yourself before you tap the link. While you definitely feel like you and Johnny have already started to click, if he's not your type then it probably won't go anywhere... 

It's a situation you've been in before—great conversation, similar interests but no physical attraction, and back then you didn't have the heart to break it off straight away.

You tap the link and are greeted by a full-body shot of a tall, well-built man in tactical clothes. His hair is a neatly trimmed mohawk, and while his face isn't crystal clear, he's clearly fucking handsome. His biceps bulge from the gray tee stretched over his torso, his large hands are covered with gloves and grasping a gun.

Your eyes trail to his long legs, thick thighs encased in camo and strapped with various holsters. All in all, the picture is perfect. You find yourself zooming in desperately to get a better look at his face, the handsome jaw lined with stubble that you can already imagine between your legs. The whole image and every new detail has you squirming in your bed, and cheekily wishing to save the image to your phone.

holyfwucj 

holy fuck 

Like what you see? 

i need a hug from you urgently. 

now i feel shy... 

It had crossed your mind ever so slightly that Johnny may be out of your league, or that he simply may not be attracted to someone like you, which would be a complete shame. Now you've set eyes on him, you want him even more—want to kneel at those feet and stare up at his hulking figure while he tugs on a leash around your neck. 

Hopefully, just like you, he'll be smitten from the first glance. 

Scrolling through your camera roll, you decide you don't exactly love any recent photos of yourself. The ones at your last work event have you looking far too corporate, and the only image from your last night out was taking in a bathroom mirror in the local Wetherspoons—neither of which is ideal. 

You crawl out from the warmth of your sheets, kneeling on the end of the bed and posing as you point your camera in the mirror that sits across the room and captures you perfectly. Before you start snapping, you adjust your top to make sure too much isn't on display, even though it's strappy and cropped, and definitely a little bit more on the tantalising side as far as your pyjamas go. 

Hopefully, Johnny likes the pose and the outfit... and you. You can see your smiling face just to the side of your phone as you press to capture the picture—and when you return to your inbox to send the picture link, a message is waiting for you. 

I already know you're gorgeous. Don't leave me hanging, bonnie. 

okay. this is me now, all ready for bed!! 

Holy fuck yourself.

And I'm assuming that's Barnaby in the background. 

If he notices the pose, he doesn't comment on it, instead delighting your heart by commenting on Barnaby instead.

sure is! he's ready for snuggles and sleep. 

Can you do me a favour? 

That message makes your heart skip because usually when something like that is asked, it's followed with a request for nudes or something sexual—and while that is a large part of something like this, you crave the connection first, crave someone actually sticking around and getting to know you. 

depends on what it is!

Tell Barnaby to keep looking after you until I get there, yeah? 

does that mean you're coming for me?

One day, if we're both lucky.

seems promising so far, Johnny. 

Get some sleep, yeah? Maybe tomorrow night I'll give you a bell. 

The idea of this conversation ending is heart-wrenching, but at least sleep will bring you closer to that possible phone call. Hearing his voice, now that will be even more incredible. 

how do you expect me to sleep after telling me that? so mean! 

Patience, bonnie. Be good for me? 

You clench, your thighs squeezing together as arousal rushes through you. It's like he knows exactly how far to go, what buttons to press, what you're looking for.

It's the right kind of commanding, toeing the line perfectly between flirtatious and in charge. A lot of guys you've talked to have rushed it made commands too early, and sent you running. Johnny's words, be good for me? You can't help but want to behave. 

okay, but I see how this is going to be :( 

Bet you look so fucking good with a pout ;) 

now you're just being a cruel tease, Johnny... 

Sorry, I'll stop. Sleep, yeah, for me?

cuddling up to barnaby now. 

You decide to attach another picture, your eyes screwed shut and cheeks squished as you wrap yourself around the bear and cuddle up under the sheets. 

talk tomorrow?

Of course, bonnie, sweet dreams <;3 

You lock your phone, your eyes feeling relieved as they adjust to the darkness. 

For a brief moment, you just clutch your phone to your chest and recall the picture Johnny had sent, how much you'd love to be wrapped up in his arms tonight. 

He's the only thing on your mind as you drift off to sleep.

-//-

Your dreams are tumultuous, starting off with a nightmare of being chased and chased until your legs give out, only for you to find salvation and safety in a stranger's arms—one who seemed vaguely familiar. 

The first thing you do when you wake is roll over to check your phone, elation overtaking you when you see a notification from Johnny already waiting there—already he's blessing you with a good morning message.

Good morning, sweet girl.

Attached under the picture is another image link, and clicking on it brings up an absolutely gorgeous picture of Johnny, lazing in bed. There's just enough light in the room for you to see the brightness of his eyes that you couldn't see before—his mohawk is mussed, and his smile is easy, drawing you in. 

He's even more handsome in this up close photo, you can only imagine what he looks like in person, right before you. 

morning Johnny <3 how did you sleep? 

Like a baby. Yourself? 

not the best, but I swear you were in my dream. 

Sorry to hear that, but oh already? What did I do? 

I mean, it was a bulky guy with a mohawk but he didn't have your name, I think it was meant to be you though. 

You recall the safety you felt in the arms of the strange figure, it was serene, and everything you hope to feel when you find the one—hopefully that's Johnny.

My dreams were shite, you didn't show up. 

i'll try harder to be there tonight!! 

Promise? 

promise. 

God, he's so fucking sweet. It's hard to imagine he's into all the things you mentioned in your initial post, at least right now. But you're all too familiar with how appearances can be deceiving—you wonder what else your sweet Scot is into. 

You peel back the covers and head out into the kitchen, flicking the kettle on mindlessly as you keep your eyes fixated on the screen—not wanting to be even a minute late to answering Johnny's texts, even though it seems there's a natural lull in the conversation. 

You return your focus to making your tea, and your thoughts don't drift from Johnny for even a moment, as you ponder ways to keep the conversation going. Admittedly, you have a million and one questions you want, but you don't want to come across too... eager? clingy? Like some serial killer fiending for information? 

It's crazy the way your heart yearns for him so soon—and it's crazy the way that you wish he feels the same as you do. You wonder how his day is going, and if he's staring at your phone waiting for your message.

With tea brewed, you set it on the coffee table and flop onto the plush couch, rushing to open the app when a new notification pops up.

What's your plan for the day? 

lazy day, binge-watching... texting you? wbu? 

I have to work for a bit, but I'll message you when I can. 

On a weekend? That's horrible, but I imagine they run a tight ship over there. 

You rush to follow up your message with something else. 

will you still be able to call tonight? 

Aye, give me your number, I'll save it! 

You send off your number and don't hear anything from Johnny for a good few hours. You pass the time watching one of your favourite shows, and trying to resist the urge to go scroll down Johnny's profile once more.  

The next time a message pops up, it's well past lunch.

Cute profile pic on whatsapp.

Johnny has clearly added your number to his contacts and spied your picture on the app. You blush thinking of him seeing you in that costume—especially after he knows what you're into.

it was Halloween, I swear!! 

You make an adorable little kitten, lass.

imagination running wild now? ;) 

Aye, but I'm a gent. 

hopefully not always...

Oh, you'll see. Talk to you tonight, kitty. 

talk to you then &lt;;3 

Now you're just itching, waiting for the hours to crawl by for Johnny's workday to end, so you can talk to him again, so you can finally hear his voice. 

What will it sound like saying your name? Whispering sweet nothings in your ears? 

The hours pass slowly until a different notification lights up your phone as you cuddle into your sheets.

Hey, it's Johnny! Just got home. 

You scramble to click on the pop-up, spying his own profile picture in the corner—tapping on it to view it closer. 

It's the Johnny you recognise, smiling wide with his arm slung around another man. He looks so ridiculously happy, probably due to the pint in his other hand. The more you look at him, the more you can't believe you're talking to this man, that he wants to talk to you. 

You quickly add him to your contacts, putting a heart next to his name, before you return to the chat and begin to type.

i'm not the only one with a cute pfp!! 

Three sheets to the wind in that picture, actually.

i can tell &lt;3

Ready to call? 

whenever you're ready!

The image of him floods your screen, the screen pulsing as it waits for you to accept. Your fingers tremble as you press the button, and you fall silent as you press the phone to your ear, nerves gripping at your throat. 

"Hi, bonnie." His voice drifts from the phone speaker, sweet like honey and warm like sunshine, with that gorgeous accent too. 

"Hi." You squeak out, silently cursing at yourself for being so nervous and seemingly unable to speak. 

A melodic laugh follows your words, amused but not cruel or mocking. "Are you nervous?" His voice is soothing, his concern and sweet nature evident. 

You cradle your burning cheek, feeling the way your blush spreads across your smiling face. "Just a little, can you blame me?" 

He's laughing again, and you hear a shuffling noise that suggests he's getting comfortable. "Don't be, I'll look after yer, I promise." 

Fuck. You could get used to hearing that. "I really like your voice." You admit, whispering into the phone with a ridiculous grin on your face. 

"I like yours too, you sound so sweet." 

You drop your voice lower, giggling mischievously. "Only sometimes." 

"That's what I like ta hear." The way Johnny's voice dips as he says that has your insides fluttering, but you can only assume he's returning the favour. His tone returns to its usual charming tone as he asks, "How was your lazy day?" 

"Well, I kind of spent a fair bit of it distracted, thinking about this important call I was going to have tonight..." 

"Oh aye, I should get off the phone so you can wait then." 

"Funny. How was yours? What do you even do day to day, anyway?" You ask, voice brimming with curiosity—there are so many things you want to ask, but you imagine his job can be secretive. 

"Lots of training, and sometimes paperwork, which is right shite." 

"Not when you don't have someone under the desk keeping you company." You laugh, taking the chance to flirt. If you were into Johnny after reading his messages, actually hearing his voice is only making your attraction soar. 

A quiet fuck can be heard, as the man on the end of the phone heaves out a breath. "I'll have ta look into getting you clearance if you keep talking like that, lass." 

"Glad to be of service, what can I say?" You find yourself in a giggle fit at your own silliness, a mix of nerves and joy at enjoying yourself so much.

"God, I love yer laugh." The deep sincerity in his voice makes your chest tighten. 

The drug that is Johnny is already so intoxicating. 

"I'm so glad you can't see me blushing." 

"I'm no'." He sounds so indignant about that. "But I could listen to that laugh all day, really."

If only he could see you pout too. "Now you're just trying to make me blush more." 

He chuckles, his voice dropping dangerously flirtatious again. "Maybe I am, nothing you can do about it."

"Now I'm pouting." 

"Better not pout in front of me, lass." His suggestive tone makes you shiver. 

"Oh, why's that?" You ask, playing coy. 

"'Cause I'll just have to start kissing ya, might even nibble on those soft little lips." 

You suppress a delighted squeak, already so flustered at even the idea of a kiss. "I'm not hearing a downside." 

"No?" 

"Nope." 

"Might not be gentle with you, though." 

"Good thing that I like it rough." The words are out of you before you can reconsider, but they have exactly the effect you intend as you hear Johnny inhale sharply.

"Ach, you and yer wicked mouth." 

"You have no idea..." 

He lets out a rough exhale, his voice turning gravelly and deep. "Fuck, bonnie." 

"Hey, I'm only repaying the favour, I've been squirming desperately pretty much since I picked up the phone." 

He whistles approvingly, his voice now teasing and playfully menacing. "Just you wait til I'm really in ya head." 

"You're already making good progress." You admit.

"Oh aye?" 

You hum contentedly, eyes flickering shut for a moment. "I'll be imagining your voice as I fall asleep tonight." 

"I'll just have ta send yer voice notes to drift off to, so I can end up in your dreams again." You can almost hear the smirk in his voice. 

"Already spoiling me, too." 

Fuck, how is it this man seems to know exactly what to say? Everything that comes out of his mouth takes root in your brain and sends your thoughts running wild—it's like he's already in your head, or as if someone made him in a lab.

"I'll spoil ya every day, if you're ever mine." 

You groan in frustration, unbelieving that a stranger can be so seemingly perfect. "How are you even single, Johnny?" 

"I could ask you the same. Taking everything in me to not ask for an address right now, if I'm being honest." He huffs a laugh. 

While the idea is thrilling, you know you should have at least some sense of preservation, and shouldn't blurt out your postcode for this strange man you barely know. "I'm worth the wait, I swear." You whisper your promise. 

"I'm sure yer are. But to answer your question, my work keeps me busy a lot, and this lifestyle isn't for everyone." There's a hint of vulnerability to his voice, and you sense such a fact is a sore point in his personal life. 

In the fantasy of all of this, you suppose the reality of the situation isn't something you'd stopped to consider. Life for a man in the military was surely so different from a regular 9-5. "I'm guessing that you're away a lot?" 

"Aye, sometimes for just a few days, sometimes for months, all depends." His admission is soft, as if you can hear in his tone that he's waiting for you to bolt. 

If that's the big 'catch' when it comes to Johnny, you can breathe a sigh of relief. "Yeah, I guess you need someone strong and loyal to hold on and wait for you." 

There's a tense silence, something lingering in the air. 

"Hard to come by, I've found." 

The thought makes your stomach twist in the worst possible way. Johnny, at least on the surface, seems so worthy of love. 

You chance the question that's on the tip of your tongue, hoping Johnny doesn't mind your reckless curiosity. "Have... you been cheated on?" 

"More than once, gets less surprising over the years." He finishes with a sad laugh, as you can tell he tries to infuse humour into the whole thing. 

"That's... horrible." 

Being sent away from your home to face gunfire and warfare, all to keep the people back home safe... only to be betrayed by the people back home who love you, who are supposed to wait for you. It's a gut-wrenching thought, and your heart aches for the man.

"A few of the lads here have a similar story." 

"So the army, not for the faint of heart, and dating an army man, not for the faint of heart." You sigh, though you don't feel put off by the thought.  

"Exactly. That you then? Faint of heart?" 

"No. I mean, inside I'm clingy as hell, and I'd miss you like crazy every day until you got back..." Your emotions overtake you, as you imagine a future where you'd have to kiss the man goodbye for maybe months at a time. "But I get the feeling that what we could have would be worth the wait. Hypothetically of course." 

At that, Johnny laughs, and his light tone returns. "Don't want to get too far ahead of ourselves, aye." 

You don't want to get ahead of yourself, you know you shouldn't, but the way you and Johnny have clicked is unlike anything you've felt before. "But... I have a good feeling." 

"I do too, already dreading putting down the phone." 

"I'm not planning on it anytime soon, even if I have to be up early tomorrow." 

"So do I, alarms set for 4." 

You do not envy his lifestyle one bit.

"That's awful! I'm gonna be so cranky tomorrow, I might have to use my lunch break for a nap." You admit, preemptively yawning into your hand. 

"You one of those perpetually sleepy girls?" 

You nod, even though he can't see it. "The sleepiest." 

"Barnaby is a lucky bear, getting to cuddle up to you so much." 

You burst out laughing at the hint of envy in his words. "Are you... jealous?"

"For now, but soon the tables will turn." He faked an evil laugh, that only makes you giggle harder. 

"Oh, you think you can give better snuggles than him?" 

"Oh, I know I can, bonnie. The bear can't wrap his arms around yer, can't whisper sweet things in your ear..." His voice dips back into that seductive, teasing tone. "... Can't trail his hands down to that pretty little pussy." 

Once more, you flush with desire, every nerve alight as Johnny's words wash over you—although it seems like almost everything he says has your body reacting. "You have an interesting way of cuddling, Johnny."

"Didnae say I was actually gonna do anything once my hands got down there." 

"Well, I wouldn't be opposed." 

"When you're in my arms, you wouldn't have a choice, lass." The dark, dominant voice makes you shiver, makes your submissive instincts awaken. 

"Oh yeah?" 

He hums slowly. "Once you're mine, you leave the choices to me. Johnny knows best, yeah?" 

"Johnny knows best." You whisper breathlessly, the words coming out automatically, like they just feel right.

"Steamin' Jesus, can already tell yer gonna be the death of me." 

"Can't have that, your family won't get your death in service payout!" You laugh awkwardly, before a sense of guilt rears its head. "Sorry, grim joke." 

"I don't mind. You should hear some of the ones my Lt. comes out with, he's a right sick bastard." He chuckles.

"Never want to make light of it and hurt you, though." 

"Telling jokes makes it easier hen, you'll be wishing me dead in no time at all."  

You gasp, shocked by the prospect. "I'd never!" 

"Not even when I deny you from touching yourself for my entire deployment? Months of nothing at all?" The sick grin is evident in his voice. 

"You wouldn't, that's so mean. You're too sweet for that." 

"Aye, for now, but don't you like a little bit of meanness, if yer into men like me..." The edge to his voice and the truth to your words has you trembling. 

"Maybe..." You singsong in response, not wanting to give away just how much you liked the idea of his mean side. 

"Bonnie..." He tuts disapprovingly. "Don't play coy." 

You shudder out a breath as you squeeze your thighs together for relief. "I just don't want you to bully me too much right now, I'm already soaked." 

"Is that right?" He seems delightfully surprised by such a revelation. 

"Mhmm." 

"I'm fucking rock hard if it helps, think I have been since last night..." You hear him shuffle, and you try not to imagine what's happening on the other end of the line, or how he looks lying in bed with said hardness.

When he groans hungrily down the line, you feel yourself quake once more. "The sight of you on your fucking knees... Christ alive." 

You can't help but giggle at your unintended teasing. "It wasn't on purpose, I thought it was cute more than anything." 

"Adorable and naughty, could cum just looking at it." He huffs. 

"You're just flattering me, besides, I could say the same about your picture."

Every part of you flushes thinking of the first photo he sent, all muscle and alpha male—it's like he was the physical embodiment of dominance, and just looking at him makes you want to kneel.

"You like the military get up?" 

"Love it, more than I probably should." 

"Oh aye, bet you'd love for me to order you around?" His words are playful, but underpinned with a hint of promise. "All in due time, eh?" 

"All in due time. What's your rank, anyway?" 

"Sergeant." 

"Wait..." You take a deep breath as you consider your question. "Can I ask for your last name or is it too soon?" 

"Mactavish."

Johnny Mactavish—you should remember to give that a quick Google search later.

"Sergeant Mactavish." You test the name on your tongue, trying to imagine him at work, following and giving orders. 

"Sounds too good when you say it, bonnie." He laughs. 

"Thank you, sergeant." Your affectation of the word is entirely intentional, as you attempt to rile him up with the use of his title. 

The throaty groan that leaves him is addictive.

"What else do you like to be called?" 

"Depends on what you want to call me really, but I like... sir." 

"I like it too, will have to remember that for the future, and just torture you with sergeant in the meantime." You can't help but giggle as you flirt. 

"Oh don't worry, am keeping score." He growls playfully. "Wait til I get ma hands on you, bonnie." 

"You're keeping score?" You gasp, a heady mix of fear and arousal coursing through you almost urges you to be even more of a teasing brat.

"Aye, spanking arm at the ready." 

"My pouting lips are ready." 

"Won't be the only thing you use them lips for."

Fuck fuck fuck. Not that you hadn't thought about it already, hadn't already let your mind drift to what his cock might look like—whether it matches the size of the man—now you're definitely thinking about it. Fixated on it, craving it. 

Some cards are best kept close to your chest so early on, so you change tack and go a different direction with his flirtation. "Yeah, with you in the room, I'd probably be smiling a whole lot." 

The two of you continue to chat, you asking what you can about his work as he asks about yours, and you fill him in on the boring world you live in, which seems especially boring in comparison to taking down cartels and traveling the world.

The conversation never stops being easy, the flirtation and innuendo always right there at the tip of your tongues as you tease each other relentlessly—giving as good as you get. All night, you're practically grinding against your duvet as you get lost in Johnny's dulcet tones, and you find yourself just letting him speak for the sake of getting to hear more of his voice.

As Johnny is about to ask you more about your background, you're overcome with a harsh yawn that you desperately try to stifle. Your eyes have been shut for the last hour at least, but with the command Johnny has over your nervous system right now, it's been easy to stay awake. 

"Tired, bonnie?" He asks, voice laced with sweet concern.

"Yeah..." Your voice falls quiet, as the thought of ending the call makes your throat constrict. "But I don't wanna stop talking." 

"Me either, but av got bad news." 

You know what's coming, and you know it isn't remotely anywhere near the end of the world, despite what your heart is telling you right now. "Go on." 

"I have to go." Even he sounds sad about such an outcome. 

"It's not even that late?" The clock reads 2 am. 

"Gotta get a wee bit of sleep before I hit the gym, and then get off ta work. Don't you have work too?" 

"Work from home tomorrow, so it's not too bad. Not fair though, I wanna keep talking." You admit quietly. It's too much too soon, but you're overwhelmed, the tide of your emotions crashing over the edges.

"Tell yer what. Next time we call, we can try leaving it on while we sleep."

Your heart flips, as you almost whimper at how cute the gesture is. "Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?"

"Obviously." There's that gorgeous laugh again. "Is it working?" 

"Just a little, but that might be the lack of sleep talking, I might be going slightly insane." 

Johnny sighs, and it's clear he's battling to keep a handle on his self-control. "Rest, bonnie, I won't be able to work knowing you're not sleepin'" 

You sigh too, accepting your fate. "Okay, just for you." 

"Just want what's best for you, you need your sleep."  

Your head spins at how utterly sincere he sounds—the care in his voice after such a short amount of time serves to drive you even deeper into this infatuation. "Already?" 

"Can't turn it off, am just protective by nature, bonnie. If you were my girl, you'd have a bedtime." 

And that makes your cunt clench and your heart soar. "Johnny..." You whine.

"Yeah?" 

You hesitate to say what you want to say next, but everything within you is calling out for him, desperate to be in his arms. "Don't make me wait too long to meet you, please." 

His laughter is sweet, conveying a sense of understanding more than anything. "I'll try ma best, supposed to be off on Friday." 

"5 whole days."

"Sure you don't wanna wait a bit longer?" 

You shake your head, mumbling a sound to convey your feelings. "Feels right, don't know how to describe it... do you feel it too?" 

Johnny takes a deep breath, his voice shaking slightly as he speaks. "I do, lass." 

"Good." You couldn't even attempt to fight the idiotic grin on your face, or how warm you feel inside and out. "I'll get some sleep, talk soon." 

"Goodnight, bonnie. Sweet dreams."  

You wait for Johnny to end the call, not wanting to push the button yourself and have his presence fade away. When your screen dims, you resist the urge to text him more, opting instead to put your phone on charge and roll over to Barnaby—wishing it was Johnny instead. 

[smoshyourheadin]

yay!!!!!! mother is back!!!!!!

could i request a spencer agnew x reader where they meet at a bar and spencer ends up taking the reader home and it ends however you want

Butterflies That Flutter By

pairing: spencer agnew x f!reader

a/n: I. LOVE. THIS. anon u cooked w this. i went CRAZAAAAY!! two posts in one night who am i!! also sorry if u wanted smut i don’t feel comfortable writing it for real ppl!! charachters i can consider it tho ;)

warnings: if u don’t like mentions of alcohol or just a bar setting then this probably isn’t for u!! i’m sure ill catch you at another time tho <3

requests r open <33

saturdays are when you thrive. going out with all your college friends was just tradition at this point.

sitting at the bar in between anna and courtney, you complain about another failed date you had recently.

“ugh, he was just the worst! he was talking about his podcast the whole time, and then asked me to go back to his place? what do men expect me to say after that. ‘oh yes you talking about your alpha male, gym, i hate women podcast really made me so attracted to you’ like come on!” you turn to anna who’s laughing at you, with a sad stare, and she then is quick to put a hand on your shoulder.

“it’s okay! im sure you’ll find your man soon. isn’t court trying to set you up with that guy from her work?” she says to you, cocking her head to the side slightly.

courtney then chimes in, “yes! oh my gosh, her and spencer are literally perfect for each other! you need to meet him soon, you’ll love him!” she says with a wide smile.

“i mean, he is pretty cute…” you trail off.

courtney had been trying to set you and her friend spencer up for weeks now, and as she continued to gush about how spencer would appreciate your nerdiness and how you would adore his, you feel a tug of curiosity. ignoring the conversation for a moment, you make your way to the old street fighter arcade machine at the end of the bar. the familiar sounds of the game fill your ears as you slip a coin into the slot, your fingers itching to take control of your favorite character - ryu.

as you focus on the game, your mind drifts to the idea of meeting spencer. would he really be as perfect for you as courtney says? The thought lingers in your mind a bit as you unleash a flurry of moves on the joystick, losing yourself in the focus.

as you're deeply engrossed in the game, spencer enters the bar, scanning the room for courtney. spotting her animatedly chatting with anna, he makes his way over, a small smile playing on his lips. courtney notices him approaching and waves him over eagerly.

"hey, spencer! glad you could make it," she greets him with enthusiasm, nudging anna to make space for him between them.

"hey, court, thanks for inviting me!" spencer replies, returning her smile. his eyes then wander around the bar, landing on you as you fiercely battle your way through the arcade game.

courtney follows his gaze and grins mischievously. "oh, hey, look who's here! it's the girl i've been telling you about," she says, motioning towards you.

spencer's interest piques, and he watches you play for a moment, impressed by your technique. he can't help but notice how focused you are, your determination evident in every move you make. with a newfound curiosity, he watches in awe as you skillfully defeat everyone you fight with ease.

“hey…” you whip your head around and stand up straight from your practically bent over pose, as you hear courtney’s voice from behind you.

there, stood next to her, is possibly the most attractive man you’d ever seen.

he’s got beautiful brown eyes, and dark curly hair. with glasses. oh my. he’s dressed in slacks, tattered old vans, a flannel, and an old work jacket.

“um, hi court.” is all you can muster up to say to her.

“this is spencer, spencer this is the woman of your dreams!” she giggles.

spencer glares at her, but then smiles sincerely at you.

“so, street fighter, huh? you've got some serious skills," spencer remarked, impressed by your gameplay.

you glanced over at him, offering a small smile in return. "thanks! it's one of my favorite games. i've been playing since i was a kid. i think it’s one of the main reasons i decided to be a game developer."

courtney takes this opportunity to slip away from you both, leaving you to geek out together, and she rushes over to anna

“i told you! twenty bucks says they leave together!” she grins.

“you are so on!” anna replies.

across the bar, you and spencer are chatting it up, both leant against the wall near the machine.

spencer takes a sip of his drink before leaning in. "so, who's your main in street fighter?"

you grin, a rush of excitement at the chance to talk about your favorite character. "call me basic, but definitely ryu! i love his playstyle, and his hadoukens! they’re pretty gnarly."

"classic choice," spencer replied with a nod of approval. "i’m more of a ken guy myself. gotta respect the fiery spirit, you know?"

you giggle, nodding in agreement. "yeah, ken's cool. those shoryukens can really mess up the game though.”

he smiles at your reply, and the conversation flows on. you find yourself talking to him for the better part of an hour, eventually sitting at the bar with him.

“um, you don’t have to say yes,” he says, turning to you. “but, would you want to come back to my place?”

you smile at him, and tuck a strand of hair behind your ear “i’d like that.”

and so, you find yourself walking back to spencer’s apartment and talking to him about how much you love zelda.

stepping into his apartment, you’re immediately greeted by an array of nerdy decorations that cover every corner. posters of classic video game characters lined the walls, and shelves filled with action figures and memorabilia from various fandoms.

"wow, you have quite the collection!" you exclaimed, taking in the sight with wide eyes.

spencer chuckles nervously with a sheepish smile, scratching the back of his head. "yeah, i might have gone a little overboard."

but to you, it’s like stepping into a treasure trove of nostalgia, and honestly? you were jealous. you eagerly made your way around the room, pointing out your favorite pieces and telling him about the games and shows you loved most.

"that's a limited edition link figurine, right?" you ask, pointing to a display on one of the shelves.

spencer nodded, a hint of pride in his voice. "yeah, it's one of my prized possessions! i also have a few special edition zelda figures."

as you continue to explore, spencer watches you with a mixture of awe and admiration. he had never met someone who shared his passion for all things nerdy quite like you did. It felt surreal to have someone in his space who not only appreciated but genuinely enjoyed his interests.

before long, the initial awkwardness of the invitation fades away, replaced by a comfortable ease as you bond over your shared love for video games, movies, and everything in between.

the night continues, and you end up making him watch your favourite film - perfect blue, which you watch in comfortable silence.

as the credits roll, you stretch out comfortably on spencer's couch, feeling the pleasant weight of sleep pulling at your eyelids. the movie is intense, and you’re exhausted from the day's excitement.

spencer glances over at you, a soft smile playing on his lips as he noticed your drooping eyelids. he gently reached for the remote and turned off the playstation you were using to watch it, casting the room into a soothing darkness.

"you tired?" he asks, his voice low and gentle.

you nod sleepily, snuggling into the cushions. "yeah, it's been a long day. sorry for almost falling asleep on you."

spencer chuckles softly, shaking his head. "don't apologize. it's actually kind of nice having someone to watch movies with, even if they fall asleep halfway through."

you smile, feeling a warmth spread through your chest at his words. despite only meeting him tonight, you already feel a sense of comfort in his presence.

with a contented sigh, you let yourself drift off, the steady rhythm of spencer's heartbeat beneath you lulling you into a peaceful slumber.

later that night, as you sleep soundly against him, spencer can’t resist taking a picture of you, your peaceful expression illuminated by the soft glow of the tv’s ‘no signal’ screen. he texts it to courtney with a simple message: "she isn't too bad."

as he presses send, a smile tuggs at the corners of his lips.

courtney opens the message to see your face, her jaw dropping. she closes the messages from spencer, and immediatley texts anna,

‘u owe me 20 ;)’

[brnesblogposts]

Something to avoid your wip.

Of course only when you’re comfortable with it. How about Bucky takes care of reader who has anxiety?

And he is just a sweetheart? Maybe best friends to lovers?

Bucky barnes x reader with anxiety

i think i hate this and im also not sure if this is an accurate anxiety description even though i have it this might be a very personal to me kind of situation

It’s a team bonding day and Tony has dragged everyone out to a restaurant for dinner, you were anxious for it but you mentally prepared yourself and told yourself the usuals like ‘it’ll be over within a couple hours’ or ‘you don’t have to eat if you don’t feel like it.’ This time they weren’t working though.

As soon as you got into the car with Sam and Bucky either side of you and Natasha up front with the driver your palms started sweating and you felt nauseous and your flight or fight response was telling you to get out of there and run to your bed where you felt safe.

Bucky noticed your anxious demeanour instantly, you and him were really close as you were the recluses of the group, liking your own space and not being too fond of crowds or partying. He gently lay a hand on your thigh to let you know he was there, it was grounding and when he started stroking up and down your leg it took your mind off of the anxious feelings a little bit.

The car journey was manageable with Bucky doing everything he could to make you feel better like letting you fidget with his metal hand. When you arrived at the restaurant he helped you out of the car and the thoughts came racing back and you started pacing back and forth and flapping your hands to try calm yourself.

“Are you okay?” Sam had asked but you ignored him focusing on self soothing.

“You guys go on in i’ll stay here with her for a second” Bucky quietly told the concerned group before turning around and frowning at how anxious and worked up you were.

“Doll” He gently called out to you, knowing when you were like this you didn’t like talking.

“You don’t have to talk back okay? But i’m so proud of you for coming out tonight, I know you didn’t want to and I know it’s hard for you but no expectations okay? We can stay out here as long as you need to and even then if you don’t feel like seeing everyone I can get the driver to drop us back at the compound and we can do whatever you want.” His sweet voice helped sooth you a bit as you took deep breathes. After a few minutes you turned to look at him.

“What do you wanna do, sweetheart? Wanna Go home or do you wanna try the restaurant?” Bucky knew you’d already pushed yourself by getting in the car alone and he didn’t want to cause a complete meltdown by forcing you into another uncomfortable situation.

“I wanna try” You whisper quietly, you hated not being able to do normal things and lately had been trying to push yourself more and more.

“Okay” Bucky nodded and gave you a reassuring smile sticking his hand out for you in case you wanted to hold it but you shook your head and pointed to his metal one instead. He instantly understood that you found the cold metal to be soothing. You took his metal hand and a deep breathe and the both of you approached the restaurant.

“There they are!” Tony shouted as the both of you went to take your seats which were luckily next to each other, you tried your best to fake a smile as you sat down not letting go of Bucky’s hand.

Everyone was chatting away and laughing having fun, you were looking at the menu but the thought of even seeing food made you feel ill so you pushed it away and of course Bucky noticed.

“If you don’t eat here you promise me you’ll eat when we get home?” He asks, he doesn’t get upset if you don’t eat out as he understands when you’re anxious that’s the last thing you want to do. You nod in response and he kisses your temple as you lean your head on his shoulder still taking deep breathes because you want to be able to get through it.

A little while later as you’re still fiddling with Bucky’s metal hand you hear your name being called in the distance, eventually you snap out of it and notice Natasha is asking you a question, all eyes are on you all of a sudden and the weight of their gazes sends you into a panic and before you know what you’re doing you’re racing out of your chair and out of the restaurant letting the cool air hit you as you start to sweat and shake and cry not just because of the anxiety but because you couldn’t be normal and sit through a dinner.

Not even a minute later Bucky comes running out frantic but when his eyes land on you he lets out a sigh as he sees you crouching outside the restaurant dry heaving, it got too much for you. He can’t help but feel as if it’s partially his fault.

“It’s okay, i’m here, you’re okay” He reassures you as he keeps his distance as not to stress you out anymore.

“Wanna go home” You say through broken sobs and heavy breaths and he instantly pulls out his phone and tells the driver to pull up. You’re so out of it and disassociated you don’t notice him coaxing you up and into the car, buckling you in and sitting on the other side keeping a close eye on your shaking form.

When the car pulls up outside of the compound Bucky is quick to get out and go around the other side of the car to open the door and help you out. He walks you to your room and helps you get dressed into comfy clothes and wipe your makeup off, he settles you into bed and is about to leave when you grab his arm and silently ask him to stay, he understands straight away and climbs in beside you, holding you close. Laying your head on his chest listening to the soft beats of his heart, eventually you fall asleep feeling safe and relaxed knowing Bucky is there with you.

“Sleep well babydoll, I love you.” Bucky whispers into your hairline before giving you a soft kiss.

i kind of rushed the ending once they got in the car to get home because this has been in the drafts for days i’m sorry

[httpsghostie]

i was thinking, soap buying these little mood rings from spiritual shop that just opened by his home! and he brings them to the base, he’s so excited & he literally forces everyone to try them on—you do without hesitation and the only one who seems to have a hard time doing so would be ghost, of course.

eventually he caves in puts the ring. different colors associated with different moods, ie red would be anger, blue would he sadness, yellow would be happiness, green would be illnesses etc. until soap notices that ghost’s ring always seems to turn pink when he’s talking to you, or even just being near you, pink being the color of love.

and soap is so damn cheeky, he’ll purposely wait until it’s just him, ghost, and gaz around to start the teasing, saying stuff like: ‘y’know, i jus’ think it’s funny how your ring always turns pink when you’re a around y/n.’

and ghost is just glaring at him.

THAT IS SO SWEET

also I feel like this isnt my best work Im sorry lol

warnings: pure fluff

Soap was by far the happiest person around the base, and he also happened to be a really close friend of yours. He was a joy to be around, Gaz too, and inevitably you became the trio of chaos. Out of the battlefield, combining the three of you wouldn't build a single sargeant, it's like you shared the same brain cell or something like that — like Ghost once said.

One day, Soap brought some mood rings for everyone in the squad. He thought they could be useful on how you could deal with a person depending on their mood. How silly of him. But you didn't hesitate to put them on, thanking him for it.

He said they would change colors depending on the mood, but that's all the explanation, when Price asked him about what which color represented, he shrugged it off. 

To you, he said yellow was happy and red was anger, and it stopped right there. You would hit him playfully, demanding for him to explain the rest, but that's what you had to deal with.

Ghost was reluctant to put it on. "There's no way that works, Johnny." 

It took you probably a week for him to finally agree on putting the stupid ring — as he called it. The three of you stared, waiting desperately for it to change colors, seemed like eternity until he finally put it on. You waited, and waited, and waited.

No color. 

"See? I told you it doesn't work."

He was going to take it off, but Soap insisted on him keeping it. Reluctantly, he let Johnny win this fight — after all, he said it didn't even work.

And Ghost's ring remained blank until Soap found the two of you talking in the mess hall, approaching you quietly. Ghost was listening to you ranting about Price actively teasing you about your new white hairs due to stress. "I can't do anything about it, it's genetic and it's also stress. Honestly I don't know how you handle this life."

But there was something about him, his body language when you were around, like he could relax when he was with you. You bet Johnny noticed the light pink on the ring Ghost was clumsily trying to hide from you.

Yet he couldn't go out there making assumptions, he had to see it again. You'd taken your ring off for training purposes, but Ghost still had his, and it turned pink again as he saw you executing your moves with perfect precision. 

"Oi, Lt, anything to tell us?" Soap asked once he was alone with Ghost and Gaz, he glared at him, not understanding what he meant.

"Come on, the ring, we all saw it." Gaz said.

"Yes, yours turns pink around y/n." 

"I don't know what that means." 

"Pink is the color of love, ya?" Soap punches his chest playfully. "Ghost is in love with y/n!"

"Shut up, Johnny!"

"You really are, Lt, the ring doesn't lie." Gaz adds to the teasing, making Ghost brush his face. He takes a deep breath and leaves them two behind.

"Whatever."

And later that day, the group chat was filled with subliminal messages.

Not to mention that Soap wouldn't miss an opportunity to tease his Lieutenant.

Ghost: Sargeants, I need the reports by the end of the day

Soap: On it, pink-ie

Ghost: Shut up, Johnny 

Gaz: Stop being such a pink-a-phobe

Y/n: What? Lol

Ghost: It's nothing, they're children 

Soap: Did it turn pink again?

Ghost: Enough, Soap

"Can you please call Y/n to my office?"

"Why, you gon' kiss her?"

To which always led to Soap being slapped in the head, but it was priceless to see Ghost's reaction to being teased.

It would turn pink whenever you were around, he couldn't help it, he liked you way too much to be able to hide it from the ring, like he was able to do with every other emotion. Never blue, nor red. It would only change colors when you were there.

[tengritexas]

Candle Light Meditation: The Peculiar Treatment for Insomnia, Irregular Sleep Patterns, and ADHD

Hi everyone! Today Im writing about a new meditation trick Ive been testing out and Ill be sharing how to do it if youre interested.

Why I chose to do it

While I may like to do old man things, sitting at home and watching candle lights werent really my idea of a good time. However in the past few weeks Ive had really big issues maintaining a healthy sleep pattern and Ive always struggled with ADHD and getting school work done. I was told by a buddy of mine about mindfulness meditation and that has helped my adhd in the past so I figured this was worth a go!

Candle Light Meditation Craze

If you go to google or youtube youll certainly find all kinds of gurus and spiritualists suggesting this meditation will "decalcify your pinal gland" which would be something impacting most of us around the age 18-30 depending on diets and things like that

Here is the issue THERE IS NO RESEARCH TO SUGGEST THIS PRACTICE DECALCIFIES YOUR PENAL GLAND. So to say if that happens or not is not my place. Im a dude who posts bangers on the internet, not a neuro scientist.

What it did do

Despite the research not being there. I can tell you in the few days of doing it I have noticed my focus has sharply improved. My fatigue isnt so bad either. My sleep schedule hasnt improved to much yet but hey! Im a college student Im busy chatting and making friends (doing essays lol).

I believe some of these symptoms are associated with the pinal gland but again, I have no idea. All I can tell you is I do eat frozen foods often and this did help. I dont have a CT scanner in my room so beyond that I have no idea lol.

How to do candle light meditation

Grab a candle, light it and turn off as many lights to get the room as dark as you can. Try to use a candle with a still flame and turn off fans aswell.

Try to focus on the most solid part of the flame for a few seconds up till 3 minutes. You ideally want to do this until you feel a fuzzy feeling in your head.

Turn away from the candle and close your eyes, you should see the imprint of the flame, stare at that for as long as you can until it goes away.

Try to do repeat process 3 times a day (in one setting) for 5 days. Usually by 5 days you should begin to feel a strange tiredness in your mind. This is what your looking for. You are overloading that part of the brain because its not really being used. Much like trying to run for the first time in a few months.

The end result

Around day 5 you should find yourself being able to focus more! Ive also heard some people report it helps them with creative writing aswell but I cant attest to that.

Let me know what you guys think! Hope it helps :>

[stardew-obsessed-ora]

GIVE ME SOME OF YOUR MORRIS HEADCANNONS I NEED THEM IN MY LIFEEEEE B]]]]]]]

HIIIII! TYSM FOR INQUIRING ON MY HCS! I'LL GLADLY FLING THEM AT YOU AT A VELOCITY IN WHICH NOBODY SHOULD BE PELTED BY WORDS :D (they're going to be neatly organized under the cut). I would've gotten to this sooner but life nerfed my ability to get to things within what I consider a reasonable time. I'm doing General HCs + a few dating HCs that have been sitting on my brain for a while. I'd like to note that a few of these are a bit on the angsty side? Nothing too bad, but yk yk.

Word Count: 707 words!

im sorry if this is long, I have NO idea what tends to be seen as an acceptable length for these kinds of things KAHAHAH. Regardless, I hope you enjoy them and tysm again for feeding into my brainrot. B)

・୨・┈┈┈┈・୨ ✦ ୧・┈┈┈┈・୧・

₊꒷︶ HCs Babey WOOHOOOO

˚⊹Morris is around 5'9, but he likes claiming he's around an inch or two taller. If you call him down on this bluff he gets visibly annoyed

-He's literally blind as a bat oh my god. You take this mans glasses away and you've taken away his ability to perceive the world as anything but splotches. If you were to take away his glasses he'd playfully pout then grab them whilst squinting in such an exaggerated fashion (but to him it isn't exaggerated at all. he's doing the best he can to see literally any part of you)

๑‧˚Morris is quite expressive, hyper-expressive even. He practically has an expression reserved for just about every situation you could think of. Its honestly impressive.

-Morris finds it hilarious to sneak up behind Pierre during random points and go "womp womp", and a variety of other similar, ill-fitting noises. To which he is chased off. It's one of the many tiny things he finds a surprising amount of pleasure in.

˚⊹ While Morris wasn't aware of the valley's existence as a child, I do imagine he was actually from a small town somewhere in Bavaria. That's right! I imagine Morris as Bavarian! If you catch him while he's still waking up, there's a chance he'll mutter something to you in Stardew's equivalent of Bavarian-German before snapping awake and correcting it to the English equivalent. He's bilingual, and he's fluent in both English and Bavarian-German.

-Morris has an accent, but he's able to try to limit it as much as possible in order to appeal more to the audience of Pelican Town.

ʚɞ There are aspects of the southern Pelican Town accent he's picked up on. He's like a sponge when it comes to mimicking accents, and as a result, he's also a sponge when it comes to inevitably picking up on the ways people say words differently in Pelican Town. At times, he's slipped up and said certain words in the Pelican Town way™. Yes, it's broken his customer service voice. Yes, he's sobbed over that.

"Over there sits our wonderful Joja Brand™ warsher n' dryer."

"..."

"Yes."

-Morris is ungodly out of touch. Some of the younger workers at his store have shared memes in their company group chat that they totally have because I willed it into existence and he's replied with either "????" or "haha (he's confused and doesn't get it)" You could trick this man into numerous deez nuts jokes if you felt particularly evil. I'm dead serious. It'd go something like this.

"Why, hello farmer! Are you visiting in hopes to talk about that Joja Membership? Or was there something else you were interested in bringing up?"

"Yeah, so I thought Soona worked here? Soona Orlada?"

"Soona Orlada? I haven't heard of t-"

"Soona or Later you're gonna see deez nu-"

"get OUT." He says, eyebrow twitching as he tries not to drop the customer service smile.

˚⊹He has self-confidence issues, regardless of how much bravado he likes showing to the residents of Pelican town and especially to Pierre. He often doubts his own abilities, and questions very often why things haven't turned in his favor despite how much effort he's put into his job and his work. He finds himself burnt out extremely often and ends up sitting at home sulking over another day stuck in a repetitive cycle with no change. Despite this, he knows the next day over he'll force a smile on his face and go about his life the exact same way he always has.

๑‧˚ For a long time, Morris was in heavy denial over just how bad the situation he was caught in was. He was in denial over just how strenuous his own job was, and was in denial over how overworked he was. Along with this, I imagine he was in denial over everything he had been doing wrong in his position. Having corporate constantly breathing down your neck over your specific district performing well clouds your judgement. At first, he'd shoot down any remarks about this. I imagine he reacts poorly to criticism from people he feels aren't adequate or in a position to be commenting on his performance, but he takes it into consideration regardless. After a few more confrontations, I imagine he takes steps to try and improve the working conditions of the little JojaMart he's under. It isn't until Post-Community Center that he actually realizes he's been treated poorly by Joja as well. He'd feel betrayed, but I imagine he'd feel lost and at a standstill on what to do next. Realistically, he'd probably continue to work for them for as long as he could unless a better opportunity reared its head.

-I like imagining Morris as a bit of a foodie. Dude absolutely knows the best restaurants in the Ferngill republic, and absolutely enjoys a good meal. Unfortunately, due to having such a demanding job, he hasn't been able to visit any of them in god knows how long. He's had to live on those incessant Joja Microwaveable Dinners for an unspeakable amount of time (he needs help). I reckon offering up home cooked meals to him is one of the fastest ways to his heart.

₊꒷In a relationship I imagine Morris to be kind of like a cat slowly warming up to his partner. He's been lonely for most of his life, and while he's touch starved, I don't think he'd be all that used to giving or receiving affection. In fact, I like imagining that for the first little bit while he's warming up to dating he gets all red faced over any gentle touch. Heaven forbid you kiss the guy while he's still getting used to things LMJKSDHKS. He's moreso one to give words of affirmation or gifts than gentle embraces during the first little bit of a relationship. Once he warms up, however, I imagine he gives ungodly nice cuddles and gentle kisses whenever he sees his S/O. Of course, that isn't to say he doesn't still prefer surprising his lover with little gifts here and there.

ʚɞ When Morris gets particularly embarrassed or flustered I imagine he likes to look away and push his glasses against his face, acting like he's unphased, or he hides his face with his arm or his hand. It's a huge habit of his and he's definitely done it unintentionally when the farmer shoots down something he says or one of his Joja-Related endeavors.

-Morris enjoys carefully planned, thought out home dates or picnic dates as opposed to anything extravagant. Sure, he adores a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant, but seeing his S/O put so much effort into making sure he has a good time... it absolutely warms his heart. Bonus if they plan some kind of stargazing date with all kinds of things to do beforehand. At first, the concept and appeal confuses him, but the fact that they found such joy in it... he starts enjoying it as well.

₊꒷Morris cries whenever he feels an excessive amount of just about any emotion. If someone were to get him a little overly happy he'd start tearing up then apologize. If he gets too comfortable with his S/O in bed he starts to tear up. No, he doesn't know why. No, don't feel bad. He's literally in heaven. Cloud nine, even. Similarly, I imagine him as one of those angry criers. He gets absolutely pissed off and you just see him start to tear up before screaming at someone then apologizing.

๑‧˚ He enjoys plushies. I'm not expanding on why I think this I just think he'd like a cute squishmallow. He wouldn't show his enjoyment openly but you know damn well he'd have it with him in bed every night. A little buddy, if you will. If he's caught with it he chucks that shit out of view then apologizes to it privately later.

[novistarplanet]

Prairie View

CowboyTenkoShigaraki x MailBride!Reader pt1

summary: Who said growing up in a small town would be hard? But when unforeseen events happen in your life causing you to move miles over towns and marry a certain Blue hair gapped cowboy

cw: 1.7k

wc: applied female reader,Separation, mentions of being sold, Fluff, anxiety, death of a parent, marriage, shig with a gap, first name, country accents. lmk if I missed anything!

A/n: I tried to give them accents so if its horrible I'm sorry in advance also I initially imagine this to be a black reader but it could be anything you want it to be ALSO im making this into 3 parts!!

Walking towards the train through the thick crowds of townsfolk, all waiting for the train to stop.

You couldn’t help but think about your new life waiting for you. Your hand tightens on the handle of your big leather suitcase, carrying all your memories and treasures of your old life.

“Y/N WAIT!!” just as you were about to board the train, you turn back to see your brother Jake waving his hands 

“Jake, what are you doin here?? you shouldn'a be out theyer taking care of Granny?” 

“m'couldn'a let ya leavin' witout this” He takes your hands into his dirty big ones and places an old silver heart-shaped locket in your hands

your left speechless as he pulls you into a hug “ now don'tcha forget' to write me and grann' dun’t let the big city make ya forget about us”

You freed yourself from his embrace and kissed his forehead, tears flooding your waterline and sniffing up as you wish him farewell. Taking a foot inside the train, leaving the life you once knew behind.

a couple of minutes pass everyone seated and chatting you took it upon yourself to look out the window and looked at all the trees passing by.

you couldn’t help but stare down at your locket, opening it and revealing an old wrinkled photo of your family. Featuring a younger version of you and Jake, both of your parents, and your grandmother. 

Your grandmother was a mail-order bride being sold off by her parents when she turned 16. She told you many stories about her husband on dark nights when brushing your hair.

She never wanted you to experience what she did, but life did after your parents' tragic death and your grandmother's illness forced your remaining family into intense debt.

A couple of months ago, you were looking for ads in newspapers for any able jobs. it wasn’t uncommon for a woman in your town to work as a live home nanny.

flipping through the pages you came across the mail bride section.

You always walked pass the bullet board for them heading towards the town's bakery. Sometimes you took time to read, and them only wondered how much confidence it took to entertain the idea.

but the ad you saw was different.

he was a young rancher from a big town a couple of towns over from yours. He was short and straight to the point, saying how he needed someone to take of the housley chores and most importantly an heir.

you immediately went into your father's old study and wrote up a letter.

you poured out your heart and soul into the letter writing long tales explaining how you were the perfect fit.

of course, when your grandmother found out she was upset ranting on and on about how you could just work at the bakery or maybe as a teacher in the nearby schoolhouse.

but once you told her about his letter and how he's offering to send double the money back home she could no longer put up a fight.

as more and more letters got sent and sent off your grandmother soon found out about his status in his town

She told you a man of his reputation you must display eloquence and grace with each step you took

she even took her time and sewed you up some of your mother's old fancier dresses.

you snapped right out of your trance as the train stopped with a loud “CHOO-CHOO” looking around and noticing a bunch of people stepping out the door

once you walked out the door, you were greeted with a bunch more active sight people going in and out of other trains, horses tilting their heads back and forth trying to take off and people being reunited with others.

You looked around for your future husband during the time you two spent sending letters to each other. Tenko described some of his features in the letters he sent.

he had a long scar that crossed his lip, dark red eyes, and long blue locs.

you couldn’t wait to see him scanning the crowds of people until your head stopped at one rancher with a brown cowboy hat with a symbol of a horse in the middle of it

as you and he locked eyes, he can rush towards you.

using his pants to rub off the dust before taking the bags from your hands and leading you up on the covered wagon 

using his hand as a booster for you to get onto the seat next to he's

“ atta' girl Aah hope the train ride weren’t too rough on ya” 

“no, it was alright I just didn’t expect it to be so long”. a small smile crept on your face the way he’s hand scratched his neck as he was trying to come up with small talk is sweet.

you can tell he’s nervous 

“Well, the trip to the ranch an’t all’ dat long I guarantee ya that we can go and fix up some supper for ya”

“ I’ll lac'k that very much” opening up a bright smile towards him

“’M right then”

You didn’t miss the way he’s cheeks turned red

he hops on the wagon grabbing the two handles that connect to the horse's saddle “Giddyip!”

and with that, the wagon started to move with a couple bumps here and there you couldn’t stop to think this was it.

You are here far away from your family and friends and here in this new town. It looked nice from what you saw it definitely wasn’t a small town you weren’t used to.

you wondered if you could even fit in here Tenko spoke so well it only proved himself to be of the upper class.

meanwhile where you came from your folks only knew so much and were taught so little

looking back seeing dust and dust combine in the air and looking at all the faded buildings in your visons.

"I'm guessin' you ‘dudn’t come from a big city?"

“hm?” you turned to him staring at him for a couple of seconds before he began talking again

"T’s way your ‘lookit at me an’ all’ tells me your aint from nowhere near these parts" He looks right at you only for a brief moment before taking his attention back onto the trail.

"me and mah family comes from a little small town. Everyone knows everyone." Staring up back at him you could read his face almost like he didn't know what to say.

he took he's head and just nodded.

for the rest of the ride, you two sat in complete silents. It would be an understatement to say you are nervous. Your grandmother told you on the first day of her marriage they had sex immediately.

you hope he wasn't like that.

"im afraid were here" the horses came to a halt and with that, your head quickly bounced up, and took a look around.

wealthy was a lie.

he was loaded.

green grass as far as the eye can even see a river the size of the ocean circling with the fresh cool breeze causing your hair to blow in the wind. A big ol red barn full of animals, horsing roaming across the wide large field chewing on the long grass that reached mid-way at your leg along with a white house with fences surrounding it.

you'll have a lot to tell granny about.

a low chuckle came from beside you "Im guessin' you lik the place?"

the only thing you could even do is move your head up and down. This place was nothing like anything you had seen before.

"lemme git ya down and I can give ya a tour" He took the two black stallions into the barn cubby making sure their feed and their gates are properly shut.

he reappears in your vision coming up to your side and sticking his hand out for you to use. Once you got down he went and grab your luggage.

"follow me" you lead right behind him walking on the Stoney pathway towards his house well your house now too.

with each step you take on the stairs to the door you start to feel even more homesick it doesn't make a loud CREK! sound like yours do.

" c'mon in ill show ya your room" tapping you lightly on your shoulder.

you begin to bite hard on your lip to the point where blood almost drew

with a quick glance at the door putting all your anxiety in the world in your palms you went in before him taking a few steps forward looking back and seeing him close the door.

He wasn't able to move well not the way you were standing right in front of him gaping at the interior of the house.

the outside didn't do the house any justice.

he chuckled a little at her starstruck-ness

" 'm guessin your gonna lac your room then?" he bends his head down and chuckles a little "ill give you a tour of the place once your settled in"

"we can go now i dont wanna stall on you or nothing"

“ ’M right then”

he leads you up the shiny wooden stairs dissecting the painting that hung from the wall looking at one and noticing the child version of Tenko in the painting. Just looking at these paintings tells you he comes from old money.

taking you to a well-light hallway with pink flower wallpaper on the walls he stops at a birch door and quickly unlocks it.

Once he open the door it was like you were in a new world you took a look at the high ceiling, the soft velvet carpet the shining white vanity with pearls and rings present, and dresses hanging on the dressing screen.

“M’ room is across the room down the right hallway if you need me for anythin’. With that, he placed the luggage down onto your new bed.

You couldn't help yourself but smile at him.

For the first time throughout the trip, he showed you a wide smile showing a little gap.

“Thank you so much for the opportunity I am forever grateful”

he walks over to you his hand placing itself on your lower back while his other hand is tilting your head to look at him placing a warm kiss on your forehead.

“get some sleep Y/n”

maybe living here won't be so bad.

©NoviSt3rplanet/I do not like reposting, modifying, or translating on any platforms! thank you 🤎

[todayisafridaynight]

interrupting non-rgg posting with non-rgg posting do you guys wanna look over my pros-vs-cons list of grocery shopping today thanks

[munamania]

bitch post time!!!!!! many revelations ok last night's vibes were HEINOUS but it provided so much for me and lydia to talk about and now i am gonna share with you yippee storytime

k so we plan to go to this valentines day showcase thing that the college radio is putting on last night. mind you at my place of work where i pretended that i had a family emergency and had to go home cause i didnt feel like going into work yesterday morning lol idiot... i was so paranoid my boss was there in disguise or some shit it was stupid. sorry um. yeah so ok i was largely like this could be a chance for friend groups to come together and maybe ill be able to talk to sams roommate and also like i do want to see more live music and it's free! so. anyway ok wait let me tell u abt the first part of the day

so me and lydia drive over some wine bottles to sam for him to use as props in a film. and sam and the roommate are sitting on their porch and we chat a little bit acc sam said as i walked up 'you always look so suspicious' and i was like 'ok u guys were literally just staring at me' cause they WERE and roommate was actually really nicely like 'oh no you're okay' and generally was just kind of inserting into our convo which well i had fun with naturally. um anyway and then who comes running up but teko! our buddy teko. and sams like have yall met and im like Of course and teko gives me a hug and i cant lie it was actually so sweet. i am also extremely touch starved but it was a nice hug. anyway. then i had to help roommate pick shoes alongside teko's fit and then i was like um Ok Bye. when i got back in the car lydia was like so i saw a neon sweatshirt... and i was like yeah <3 that's my man <3 sorry ok vibes get worse as the night comes

me and lydia end up getting to sam's late to 'pregame' this show and ig it was supposed be like. it was encouraged to dress formally. and i was wearing a dress that was too small and my chappell red tights and docs. kind of a serve but me and lydia were serving much more valentines day than formal. anyway. roommate does swing around to be like hi! and THEN i see my girl chloe i looooove her shes so fuckin funny and weird and we made this weird little short together in class last semester and i was kinda intimidated by her so i was so happy shocked when she was like I was so excited to see u :D WEEE shes so cool guys and has the funniest fuckin laugh and well honestly the high points of the night were us and lydia fucking around and dancing and being weird and offputting wallflowers cause again this thing SUCKED. ok

we did also smoke beforehand and i accidentally took this huge hit and then thought id be fine w a little more but brother was i feeling funny. did not eat enough and didnt take water it was atrocious. so. we get there and let me tell you if I WAS WORKING i'd have been able to fix the fact that it was soooooooooo fucking loud in there like bad bad bad audio distortion etc i wanted to kick this dude off the mixer but like what ever... it hurt so bad. and the lights were mostly on until chloe and sam duped this guy into dimming some of them but even still it was giving middle school dance. without the fun cheesy music. some of my instagram gay people are there. um but sorry there was simply no way i was going near that dance floor like the bands lowkey highkey sucked (i mean it was just a bunch of white college dudes and they did not slay. shocker. sam kept being like 'they're so good' and we were like um haha... straight face emoji)

we acc disappeared for a while to another floor for the br and just chilled for like half an hour (and security came to find us lmfaooo but ended up just leaving) and i was feeling odd and out of body and too aware of how i looked and it was just not great i was like we're the only bitches serving cunt here... um. anywho. so like later theres a slow dance and roommate is dancing with this other girl i only know from instagram till this point and i suppose if i was really feeling myself i could have tried to make a move but i was not. once again. vile vibes in this place. like i dont mean to be a pussy i typically would be much more charming and fun if i wanted to flirt and kinda felt the vibe from them but i was not really enjoying myself LMAO

then some more of the friend group shows up at the end and sam's like 'drama is actively going down' and im like Wuhhhh the fuck and i feel like a few of them r looking at me and i was just like get me OUT of here but for some fuck ass reason was still like nooooo we should go over and have pizza w sam and them. forgive me for thinking they had like frozen pizza or smth and i could get some free food out of this no we had to sit there and wait for dominos or whatever

AND THE MOST ANNOOOOOOOOOOOYING AWFUL TERRIBLE GROSS MEN YOUVE EVER MET SAT THERE AND JOINED THE BRIEF SMOKE CIRCLE AND THEN WERE JUST THERE AND LIKE YOU COULD JUST FEEL THEM TAKING UP SPACE AND US 'GIRLS' WERE MADE TO FEEL SO SMALL ON THE FUCKING COUCH I WAS SOOOOOOOO TIRED. had to get a sweater cause i felt so uncomfortable. girl i really was only there in case i could have a saving grace moment with roommate im so serious. well and for chloe but otherwise me and lydia shoulda been outta there

literally chloe was so excited to show our little video to people and sam cut us off from getting there to show us the fucking fidget spinner game he has on his tv. girl get out! oh my fucking god. finally lydias like Cool anyway so - like sams misogyny jumped out in previously unprecedented ways. it was bad. these boys were truly making me want to kill myself im sorry like it was so bad i have curated my experience so as to be away from that for so long it was really jarring. and what you need to understand about sam is that he's almost died twice and kind of has a funny little gender vibe going on and so for a while now yeah we've gotten along through silly odd things we relate through but holy shit....... that was so offputting i cant even wrap my brain around it

also sam very much walked me into like yaoi-fying him and his best friend and then was like haha noooo why r u calling us gay ur so weird bitch just fuck him already im tired and also dont care.. hes so attention seeking and not used to um not being the center of attention. sorry! oopsies anyway so

so then im like ew like i kinda need to reassess um. the people im around. and again cant stress enough how gross and judged and just kinda old i felt surrounded by these ppl even tho theyre all like within a year of age? and like roommate still seems maybe cool but since we didnt actually talk and they were off w the other roommate/other ppl i cant help but associate them w the odd vibes but like. honestly idk i might just try to uh slide into their dms rlly casually. bc. well idk how the friend group is fracturing and it wouldnt surprise me if they were annoyed with sam esp living with him but obv i dont really know. but again let me stress this friend group has been friends since their freshman year like what r yall doing yeah u do need to break up....

so i figure since they're hot (and kinda tiny i cant tell if they're shorter than me or just right around my height) (but also they kind of scared me by giving Instagram face while posing for a pic last night i cant do any more people giving off dorian gray rn. but i was also under the influence so um that didnt help) i could just yeah be brave see how it goes and worst case scenario it's not a vibe yk. and best case scenario i get to hang w them and teko. teko so gives francis. anyway

OH also sam and the friends insisted on listening to this ai generated… thing like idk guys i think i was in hell fr

also had several men yell out of their cars at me and staring at me as we walked to the bus stop :/ so men really do ruin everything btw

um. so. that was the night! thx for reading if u did. i am excited to be around other fun silly cool queer people god bless fuck these people

[luv-assangiebatch]

Mendax Undercover - Chapter 7: P4

Over the next several weeks, Julian and Kat continued to meet at least twice a week to work on their research.  Kat would prepare datasets and then Julian would test them through his pipeline programs, tuning parameters often for optimal results.  Kat also continued to scour through published literature in case any new variants of interest popped up.  Preparing the datasets could be tricky sometimes, and also required some advanced coding skills, for which she required Julian’s expertise and guidance.  They often found themselves working late hours in Julian’s office as they simply lost track of time while engrossed in their work.  Sometimes they would decide to have dinner delivered to the office or Kat would step out to pick something up for them.

While they both were very professional and focused on the project, they were also spending a lot of time together and getting to know each other rather well.  They shared jokes, anecdotes, and funny stories from their pasts.  Kat shared stories from her life in the United States, and Julian then would share stories about his childhood in Australia.  Australia seemed like a different world to Kat and she could not fathom ever making it there, it seemed like it was on the other side of the moon.  However, Julian made it seems less foreign to her, and she told him how she often joked and called Arizona the “Australia” of the United States due to the warm climate and strange, ominous creatures that could be found there.  Julian told her a little about his early hacking days in his teens and twenties, but he was careful to not mention his website or citizen journalism activities via “the fifth estate.”�� He was beginning to grow quite fond of Kat and was pretty sure she was a trustworthy individual, but he still felt the need to be cautious.  On the other hand, Kat’s crush-feelings for Julian just continued to grow the more she got to know him.  She was fascinated by his mind and how talented he was with computer programming.  She could see why he was hired as a VP in bioinformatics.  While he was very confident and even arrogant at times, he never made her feel inferior.  He seemed to value her contributions to the project and treated her as an equal colleague rather than as if he were her boss or mentor.  They both began to truly enjoy each other’s company, and they looked forward to their working meetings together, despite knowing they would often run late into the night.

One day, on a day when Kat and Julian usually met after work, Kat noticed Julian was not in the office.  She was a little concerned and a bit disappointed to think that they would not meet that day, since she always looked forward to her time with him.  She did notice however, that he was online via the instant messenger intranet program, and she saw some emails from him come through of which her variant scientists group was copied.  She figured he was simply working from home that day, and that he probably had his reasons for doing so.  She pondered sending him an instant message just to check in and make sure he was alright, that he hadn’t fallen ill or anything, but she did not want to overstep her bounds.

A couple hours later, as the usual time for their regular meeting approached, a strange chat window popped up on Kat’s computer.  It was not through the company’s regular intranet instant messaging program.  It looked more like a command prompt, with the white letters on a separate window with a black background.  It simply read “Kitty-Kat.”

Kat felt a wave of heat flash through her face once this message popped up.  It was so strange—if it were Julian, why didn’t he just message through the IM program?  Then again, how could it be anyone other than Julian, who was the only one to call her Kitty-Kat.  She glanced around her desk, making sure no one else was nearby, then she bit her lip as she started to type a response in the mysterious chat window.

- Julian, is that you?

- I’d still like to meet today, if you are up for meeting offsite.

This has to be Julian, she thought to herself.  Who else could it possibly be?  Kat was extremely intrigued—Julian continued to keep up the mystique.

- Yes, I can meet offsite.

- Excellent.  I will send a driver to pick you up at 4pm.  He will be parked in a black car across the street from the back lobby.

This was the same spot where she often saw Julian enter a black car after leaving the office after their late meetings.

- Great, I will be there!

- See you soon.

Then the little black chat window disappeared.  Kat felt her heart starting to race in her chest.  This was all so strange and mysterious.  Why the secret chat window, why was a black car picking her up, and most importantly—where was she going?  She had so many questions, and while this was all so baffling and a little nerve-racking, it was also exciting.  Julian sure knew how to keep things interesting.  She looked at the clock and saw it was 330p, and at that point she didn’t even care if she had emails to answer or other work to tend to—whatever it was it could wait until tomorrow.  All she could think about was making it out to that street in time to see where this car was going to take her.  She quickly gathered up her things and rushed toward the elevators.

Once she made it to the lobby, she continued to scurry across the floor and caught Astrid’s attention at the front desk as she breezed right by her without a greeting.

“Hé!  Kat!  Hello to you, too!”  she quipped after her.

Kat stopped in her tracks and retreated back toward the receptionist.

“Oh goodness, I am so sorry, Astrid!”  she gasped, catching her breath.  “I am in a bit of a hurry…”

“Clearly!  Who’s on fire?”

“Well…Mr. VP is not here today, but I got a strange message from him and he is having a car pick me up at 4:00!”

“Pick you up?  And where is it going, this car?”  Astrid inquired with a raised eyebrow.

Kat placed both of her hands on the large marble desk and leaned in dramatically.

“I have NO IDEA!” she gasped with a mixture of fluster and excitement.

“Oooooh, quel mystère!” Astrid bubbled with curiosity and enthusiasm for her friend.  “Well would you like a little snack for the road?  I’ve got some of those little cakes you like…or perhaps some crisps?”

Kat laughed, she loved how generous Astrid was with her snacks.  It was sweet how she wanted to take care of everyone, especially her good friends.

“Not right now, my stomach is kind of in knots, but thank you!”  Kat then looked up at the clock, then back at Astrid. “Oh, I just realized I am supposed to meet the car outside the back lobby— outside the restricted elevator!  But how are you doing?”

“Agh, I’m fucking tired, you know it!  Now vas-y, vas-y or you will be late!  But we all will want details later, you know.  Now go!”  Astrid exclaimed as she shooed Kat off toward the back lobby.

Kat chuckled breathlessly as she waved to her friend and ran toward the back lobby.  Just as she made it outside, she saw the black car pull up across the street.  She felt her stomach drop once she saw the car and trotted over to it, trying to look a little more graceful even though she could not see the driver inside.  His side of the car was facing the other side of the street.  After she approached the back door on the passenger side, she opened it and peered inside inquisitively.

“Hello, um—were you sent by—”

The driver rolled down the divider between the front and back seats and looked at her with dark eyes that matched his dark, short hair.

“Dr. Assange—yes.  Are you…” the man hesitated for a second, as if what he was about to say next was a bit absurd. “Kitty-Kat?”

Kat let out a breath and blushed lightly, feeling a little embarrassed herself.  “Yes…Kat,” she started to clarify, but then rambled nervously as she climbed into the car. “…Kitty…Kitty-Kat….yes…”  She shut the door and once she got settled she looked in his direction again, her head titled inquisitively.

“Can you tell me where we are going?”

“You will see soon enough.  Once you get there, you will walk through the lobby to the elevators, and take it up to P4.”

Kat nodded, still so baffled by this mystery.  “P4…” she repeated.

“Enjoy the ride, Miss…”  And with that, the driver engaged the divider and began to drive away from the biotech building.

Kat took a moment to catch her breath and look out the window, as if looking at the passing scenery would give her clues on where she was headed.  She then took a few minutes to make sure her hair was set right and refresh her light red lipstick.  Then she took out her phone and began to text her friends in the group chat.

Kat: You guys, I am in this car that Mr. VP sent for me and I have NO IDEA where it’s going!

Aside from Astrid, the others were astounded by this curious scenario.

Jun: He wasn’t onsite today…

Bethany: Ooooh how exciting!

Astrid: You must tell us EVERYTHING!

Marilu: Maybe you’re going to his residence?

Quite honestly, going to where Julian lived would have been the most logical, educated guess.  However, Kat did not want to assume, or presume, anything.  Even if it were his home, she still had no idea where that was.  It could be an hour away for all she knew.

Kat: The driver did tell me once I get there, to take the elevator up to P4.

Astrid: P4???

Marilu: P may stand for penthouse…

Bethany: Ohhh penthouse, of course!  Mr. VP would be in a penthouse!

Jun: What a fun adventure!

The friends continued to text for a while until the car finally stopped and the driver rolled down the divider again.

“Have a good day, Miss…Remember, P4.”

“Oh!  Okay—P4…” she repeated under her breath, then she looked at the driver as she opened the door. “Thank you very much, this is a lovely car.”

The driver smiled lightly.  “Thank you.”  He rolled up the divider again and Kat shut the door.  As the car drove off, she turned around and faced the rather tall building in front of her.  It wasn’t as tall as Santé Genomics, but it looked to have about 16 floors or so.  She walked up a modest staircase to the front double doors and walked inside.  It was an older building but it looked to have been remodeled.  The wooden floor was polished and shiny, and had ornate, multicolored area rugs decorating the main walkways.  To her left, there was a front desk, and as she continued to step forward past the desk she finally saw the brassy, reflective elevators.  She pushed the “up” button and once inside the elevator, she saw the button for P4.  It seemed Marilu was correct in guessing the P stood for penthouse.  She tried to calm her nerves as she rode the elevator up to P4, and she was relieved to not have anyone else stepping on and off—she must have caught it at a perfect time.

The elevator finally made it to P4 and once the door opened, Kat walked out into a very quiet hallway.  The hallway also had a wooden floor with a long runner that was decorated similarly to the one in the lobby.  The walls were painted a very neutral grey color.  She finally reached a door at the end of the hallway that had a P4 on it.  Kat took a few breaths and took a moment to dry her sweaty palms on the sides of her slacks before she finally went to knock on the door.

However, before her hand could hit the door, it opened suddenly and quickly revealed Julian standing on the other side of it.  He looked to inhale for a second, with his mouth slightly opened and his eyebrows raised, but then he quickly relaxed and smiled in a way that was both playful and seductive.  His platinum blonde mane was a bit tousled, with rebel strands hanging near his right eye as usual while most of them on his left side were tucked behind his ear aside from a few light ones that seemed to escape and do their own thing.  He was wearing a white collared shirt with a couple of the top buttons undone in a relaxed look and the shirt was loosely tucked into dark green-to-grey slacks made of a soft, comfortable fabric.  He looked quite casual and comfortable indeed, but still breathtakingly handsome.  In fact, Kat worried that he heard a squeak escape her mouth as she lightly gasped at his sight.

“Kitty-Kat— hello!  I’m glad you could make it,” he smiled genuinely.

“Hi, Julian…!” Kat returned, still in a bit of a daze.

“Please, come in…!”  Julian motioned a bit awkwardly with his arms.  Sometimes the way he moved them made them look like they were asleep.  He then shut the door once Kat stepped inside.

Kat continued through the entryway and walked toward the large living area, which was backdropped with large windows from floor to ceiling and no curtains.  Due to the time of day, the sun was starting to set but plenty of light still filled the room.  She noticed that despite the large dining table a few feet away, Julian seemed to be set up working at his couch and coffee table.  He had a couple of laptops open on the table and various papers strewn about the table and floor nearby.

“Would you like anything to drink?”  He called from the kitchen area, that was somewhat blocked off from the right side of the living area.

“Oh um sure…I’ll just take some water, thanks!”  she called to him.

Julian returned with a bottle of water for Kat and he was holding a brown bottle of some other beverage in his other hand.  Kat sat down on the far end of the couch, closer to the kitchen and windows.  As she opened her bottle of water and took a drink, she watched Julian start to head back to his side of the couch.  He brought the brown bottle to his mouth and quickly popped the cap off with his teeth before sitting down and releasing the bottle cap into his hand, which he then tossed onto the coffee table.  He took a swig from the bottle then set it down on the table.  Kat watched in awe, unaware she was actually gawking a little bit.  He was so peculiar sometimes, but it just added to his mystique.  He was never short on presenting these unique quirks at random, and for Kat, it just made him that much more appealing.  He wasn’t just any ordinary man, and Kat loved that about him.

Julian glanced to his left, his eyes peering out at Kat from behind his white-blonde strands while he was hunched forward toward his laptop on the coffee table.

“What?”  he seemed to take note of her frozen state.

Kat didn’t even realize she was staring until he called her on it.  She lightly shook her head and managed to say something credible.

“What is that?”  She motioned toward his drink on the table.

Julian looked back at the bottle and picked it up.  He took another drink and licked his lips before looking back at Kat.

“This is Club-Mate—it’s a low-sugar energy drink.  Would you like to try it?”  He leaned toward her, extending his arm to offer her the bottle.

“Ohhh!”  She smiled.  “Okay sure!”  She reached for the bottle.  “Energy drinks though, usually not good for my nerves…”  She then took a sip.

Julian nodded with a grin. “Ah right, the anxiety and decaf…” he remembered.  His grin grew, amused at Kat’s adverse reaction to the Club-Mate.

“Yeah…it takes a little getting used to…an acquired taste…” he chuckled softly as Kat offered him the bottle back while squinting her eyes a bit.

She giggled.  “I suppose so…”

Julian looked toward the bottle as he held it in front of himself.  “Yeah, this helped keep me awake and focused for hours as I worked on various projects…”

“Like during your PhD studies…?”

He smiled softly then looked in her direction again, his zircon eyes tender and almost shy.

“Something like that…”

Their eyes locked for a brief moment before Julian finally looked back toward his laptop.  “Alright, so—where are we at today?”

“Well, I was having some trouble tweaking the datasets to include some other biomarkers such as FGFR3 and NECTIN-4… and I think we also were still working on fine tuning the parameters for optimal accuracy and precision for the pipeline…”  Kat recounted while she worked to unpack her laptop and set it up on the table next to Julian.

“Yes…it’s proving to be quite the challenge.  Fortunately, I have plenty of stamina for such an endeavor,” he flashed a smug smirk as he looked at her again.

Kat did everything in her power to hold back her blushing.  Was he purposely being flirtatious there?  The answer was yes, yes he was.  She took another drink from her water bottle, relieved that the cool temperature helped to dampen her lustful feelings for the moment.

“One thing about programming, is search engines are paramount.  All programmers search for code.  Sometimes that is a good 80% of the work—and it can often be time consuming—hence the need for things like this—”  Julian lifted his bottle of Club-Mate.

Kat smiled and nodded.  She and Julian then proceeded to work on optimizing the datasets and finding the best code to help them tweak their pipeline program.  Time quickly flew by, as it tends to do when working on coding and programming puzzles.  It can seem like the work just started, but hours pass by like minutes in a flash and this evening was no different for Kat and Julian.  It soon got darker in the penthouse flat as the sun had set long ago, but neither of them seemed to notice as they had ample light beaming from the laptops in front of them.  Julian, who was extremely focused and determined, spent most of the time in the same hunched over position as he searched and typed away on his laptops.  He was definitely in the zone and hadn’t even gotten up to retrieve more Club-Mate servings.

As the hours continued to pass, Kat started to grow sleepy but she didn’t want to disappoint Julian, especially since he was working so hard.  She didn’t want him to think she was not dedicated to the project.  So she thought she could just silently sneak in a quick rest of the eyes for a few minutes and Julian wouldn’t even notice.  She leaned the back of her head against the couch and closed her eyes.  She felt quite comfortable and the room was dark and quiet, aside from the light tapping from Julian’s keyboard which was a relaxing sound like rain drops on a rooftop.  Just another minute or two, she kept thinking to herself before her body finally succumbed to the relaxation and drifted off into a deep slumber.  Her body remained upright for a good half hour or so, and Julian was so engaged in his work he did not even notice at all until her body started to shift.  She slowly collapsed toward Julian, the side of her head grazing his shoulder.  Once he felt the contact he looked toward her, a bit startled.  He quickly leaned back into the couch and once he did, her head fell straight into his lap.  Kat then let out a sleepy sigh and her hand rested on Julian’s knee, her body feeling quite content and comfortable, indeed, but still completely asleep.

Julian blushed once her head landed in his lap, near such an intimate area.  He bit his lip and froze for a moment, unsure how he should proceed.  Should he wake her up, or let her rest?  He then smiled softly to himself as he looked down at her.  He found this display of vulnerability on her part to be rather endearing, and the gentleman in him did not want to disturb her little nap.  Plus, a part of him was curious to see how she would react once she woke up.  The thought made his tender smile turn into a bigger amused one for a small moment, then it slowly faded as he blinked softly.  He pursed his lips and looked to his left, reaching for a blanket that was draped over the back of the couch.  He gently placed it over her body as it was cradled next to him, then slowly returned to his hunched over position at the laptop, continuing his work.

A couple more hours passed by, and Julian became so focused on his work he almost forgot Kat was still sleeping in his lap, until she finally began to stir.  She took in a deep breath and sighed, grasping onto his knee as she returned to consciousness.  Once she opened her eyes and saw a rather unfamiliar setting—the large windows staring back at her and the fabric of a rather unfamiliar couch.  As she continued to wake up and realize where she was, and that her head was not resting on a pillow but Julian’s left thigh, her eyes widened and she quickly shot upright, pausing before turning to face Julian.  Part of her was hoping he wasn’t there, or that this was a dream and she did not just embarrass herself in front of the VP of Therapeutic Bioinformatics.

“Welcome back, sleepyhead.  Did you have a nice Kat-nap?”  Julian quipped in a low, velvety purr that probably would have made Kat melt into a puddle of goo if she weren’t so mortified at the moment.  She slowly turned toward him, still a bit hazy but enough to notice the sweet, amused smile on his face and blue zircon eyes shining in the monitor lighting.

“Oh my gosh…did I fall asleep?  What time is it?”  She asked, touching her forehead for a second.  The blanket fell off of her arms and rested around her lap.

Julian looked at the clock on his laptop.  “It is a quarter to 1…I suppose probably a good time to stop for the night.”  He then looked back toward her.

Kat, a mixture between flustered and hazy, lightly shook her head.  “Goodness, Julian, I can’t believe I just conked out like that…I am so embarrassed.  I apologize for being so unprofessional, it won’t happen again.”

Julian blinked softly at her while his mouth fashioned a slightly crooked grin.  “It’s okay, no need to apologize…we did work pretty late…”

“I suppose I should get going, huh?  Let you get some sleep…”

“Hmm…” he murmured softly, as he reached for the blanket and gently pulled it up around her shoulders.  “I dunno, it’s quite late actually…”  His hand naturally dropped from her shoulder to the couch, right next to her lap with the back of his hand barely grazing the side of her thigh. 

Their eyes met once again and Kat’s heart began to pound in her chest.  This was probably the closest she had been to him.  His lips were mere inches from hers, and they looked so soft and kissable. 

“I think it might be safer if you stay here for the night.  I have an extra room you can use…”

Kat felt a little silly, initially thinking that maybe he was inviting her to stay with him for the night, on a romantic level.  Which if he did, of course she would have accepted—and if Julian were certain of this, he would have proposed it.  While they both felt the chemistry, neither was sure how much of it was one-sided or mutual.  They both also sensed each other’s hesitation which resulted in an atmosphere of sexual tension for the both of them.

“Thank you, Julian…that is so generous of you…but I don’t want to impose…”

Julian shook his head with a smile.  “No, no…don’t be silly.  It’s late, the trams aren’t running any more and my driver is in for the night.  Plus look at all this space…” he gestured around his flat.  “I have the room to spare.” 

He then stood up from the couch and Kat looked up at him once he extended his hands out to her, offering to help her off the couch.  She lightly placed her hands in his and instantly felt a small spark from the contact.  Julian actually had beautiful hands—they were strong, yet soft and well-manicured.  Once she stood up to meet him, her eyes found themselves in direct line with his exposed neck which teased her desires and looked particularly lovely in the moonlight of the living room.

“C’mon…let’s get you settled,” Julian said softly.

Kat fought another blush as her eyes met his once again.  Her eyelashes fluttered as she smiled shyly.  “Okay…thank you…”

Julian grinned lightly and they both paused, letting their eyes lock for a moment before Julian finally turned away and let go of one of her hands.

“This way, follow me…” he whispered, leading her down the hallway toward the spare rooms.

Kat bit her lip as she continued to hold onto his hand lightly while she trailed behind him.  She blushed when they passed the door to his bedroom, pondering what a night with him in there would be like.  Surely it would be nothing short of sinful and heavenly.

“Will this be okay for you?” he asked, stopping at a fully furnished and decorated room, complete with a double bed that had plenty of blankets and pillows to spare.

“Oh, this is lovely—better than my flat,” Kat giggled.  “I might get spoiled and then you won’t be able to get rid of me!”

Julian breathed out a laugh then looked at her with bashful yet flirtatious eyes that were somewhat guarded by loose strands of his hair on both sides of his face.

“That might not be so bad…”

Kat’s heart seemed to stop and take a dip into her stomach as she looked back up at him.

Kiss me, you gorgeous, brilliant fool!  You know I want you to…

Sometimes Kat wished she were more bold in these situations, maybe more brave and confident like Astrid… but she also wanted to be chased and feel desired.  After a few moments of awkward silence, she finally spoke again.

“This is a lot of rooms for just one person, you really live here all by yourself?”

Julian’s air changed a bit, and he suddenly seemed more guarded.  He had let go of her hand and shifted his weight a little.  He took in a deep breath and nodded. 

“Uhh yeah…this place actually belongs to an old friend of mine who wanted me to watch it over for him…”

The “friend” was actually a fairly wealthy donor to his journalism vision and website.

“Oh I see,” Kat nodded, actually finding comfort in that explanation.  It made Julian seem more real, that he didn’t own this extravagant penthouse on his own.

“Oh, I almost forgot…hold on…”  Julian then quickly whisked away to his room for a moment, then shortly returned with a t-shirt and some flannel pajama pants.

“Here… in case you want something a little more comfortable to sleep in for the night.”

Kat smiled as her body flushed with warmth.  This was a really sweet gesture on his part, and somewhat intimate as he was letting her wear some of his clothes.

“That’s so thoughtful…thank you,”  she returned humbly.  “You’re a gracious host.”

Julian nodded with a little smile.

“Okay, I’ll let you get settled…”

“Okay…”

After Julian left the doorway, Kat unfolded the black t-shirt and on the front of it was a white decal of a large ship with several sails, and the words “The Pirate Bay” written under it in a sort of “Old English” font.  Kat was intrigued and wondered what The Pirate Bay was.  She made a note to look it up the next day, but for now she really needed to get some sleep.  She went ahead and changed into the t-shirt but had not donned the soft pajama pants yet.  She then found an outlet to plug her phone charger into, and she stood by the bed checking her phone for messages and setting her alarm.  A few minutes later, Julian stopped back to ensure she was able to settle in.  He stood outside the doorway and let his eyes survey her from head to toe.  Her back was toward him, wearing only the t-shirt that cut off just below her bottom.  He licked his lips briefly before biting his bottom lip while he took some time to admire her bare, slender legs.  He finally let out a little cough to let her know he was standing behind her.  She whipped her head around to face him, a little startled at first.  She thought he had turned in for the evening.

“Just thought I’d check to make sure you didn’t need anything else…”

Kat smiled.  “Oh thank you—I think I am okay.  I am just trying to find where the switch is for this lamp…”

Julian smiled as he walked over to her.

“It is a tricky lamp…it’s up here…” 

The lamp was one that was mounted to the wall, and had a switch somewhat hidden on the top ledge.  It was a peculiar place for a switch rather than on the brassy mount itself or somewhere closer to the bulb.

After Julian stepped in to turn off the switch, it left him standing inches in front of Kat once again in the darkened room with only subtle moonlight peering in through the nearby window.  He smiled to himself as he looked down at her, noticing that his Pirate Bay shirt served her quite well.

Kat felt her molecules buzzing inside of her again with him standing so close, also while she was only partially dressed.

“Thank you…”she finally managed to squeak out as their eyes seemed to lock almost intensely.

Julian lowered his head, and also seemed to lean in a little closer.  His hand was still on the wall after turning off the switch.  Kat took in a small breath and her heart began to pound faster in her chest once he looked into her eyes again.

“Goodnight…Kitty-Kat,” he murmured softly as he reached out to touch her shoulder and flash one final grin before backing away.

“Goodnight…Julian…” she whispered with glossy eyes.  She then watched him as he walked out of the room.

Neither one of them slept well that night, each in their separate beds while their hearts secretly longed to be with the other.

[sanriopropaganda]

vent under the cut

ive had two best friends in my life, one from elementary to high school who moved away when we were 14 and we grew apart, and the other i met in my freshman year of college who dropped me for a romantic partner. i haven’t been able to find anyone since.

i have close friends, i even have people i might consider some of my best friends, but those people have their own best friend, and it’s not me. im not apart of a friend group, i mostly just bounce around from hangout to hangout. i interact with people a lot! im friends with a good number of people! i just. don’t have that one person that everyone else seems to.

i thought i had found a good group of girls that could maybe be a friend group since i don’t have one since moving back home. they were already friends, and i met them through a mutual friend that was also fairly new to the group. i was just scrolling on instagram today and i saw that there was a birthday party i wasn’t invited to that i just. had to find out through social media had happened. even the newer person was invited.

and maybe i had overinflated my position, or maybe i saw or felt something that wasn’t mutual, but after being invited to other gatherings and parties with the full group, it hurt! and then i started thinking about how they dont really talk to me outside of those hangouts. and there was a group chat they forgot to add me to (whether or not it was purposeful or not i don’t know). i thought maybe we would talk more as time went on, and ive tried to initiate those conversations, but. it’s never worked out.

and ik no one is obligated to hang out with me, ik no one is obligated to invite me to anything, especially since we haven’t known each other for a full year. but it just sucks bc like. im never anyone’s person. im no one’s best friend. people aren’t really jumping at the chance to be with me. i feel like the same lonely kid i always have been.

and it also just feels like. all for nothing? ive done so much work. i try really hard to be someone people like. i think im personable and nice and funny and people say i come off as confident. i dress nicely, i try to talk to people, i try to be supportive and there for others when they need to vent. ive changed so much. im no longer that shy awkward teen i once was, and thats great! i have my moments bc of social anxiety, but i have done a lot to be someone that people want to be around. and of course i have my flaws and things i try to work on but. it all just feels like it’s for nothing. bc im still that kid that doesn’t have a lunch table to sit at. and i feel like im letting myself down.

but even then i feel like it’s all fake. i don’t know where the real me ends and the mask begins. how much of me being a good person is me? how much of it is what i think other people want to see? i don’t know! but sometimes i think. that mask may slip, and i say something weird, or im a little too loud, or i get too excited and i talk too much, or i get too comfortable and i think someone may like me for me! and they don’t.

and ik the reaction to that may be “well you need to know yourself before you can be loved”. i don’t know if that’s ever going to happen! i truly don’t! ive been mentally ill and lonely my whole life. and they just. feed into each other. idk how to separate the loneliness from myself, I don’t know what it means to not feel like this. but does that mean i don’t deserve to love and be loved? aren’t there other people who have found connections and joy and love while being like me? what is it about me that is so repugnant? i try really hard, i genuinely do, i go to therapy and i only sometimes take my meds but i am genuinely really trying and i dont know why im not getting anywhere. but i want to be better, i really do! even with the depression, and the anxiety, and the bpd, i really do try.

i just want to be someone people genuinely truly like and want to be around. i want to meet people and have them think “wow i want to be her friend”. i want to not get dropped for other people. i want to be someone’s first choice. but im not. i want to have a group of people, and even just one, that i think of and who thinks of me when those silly memes of “me and the girls” pop up.

and sometimes i wonder if im just destined to be alone. it really sucks, but i wish some cosmic entiry or god or something would tell me that that’s just the way i am. and that i should just stop trying bc it’ll never matter anyway. it would make it hurt less. but there is no cosmic entity and there is no god and there is no here’s the life ive always dreamed of i will make it mine. it’s just being alone.

so im stuck. trying and failing and wondering what’s wrong with me. maybe im really not as great at being a person as i thought. maybe i am still just ugly and weird and it eventually shows. but i keep trying because thats all i know how to do. until the cosmic entity or god or whoever shows up and tells me to stop.

i really just want to run away a lot of the time. if i moved to some new city far away then i still wouldn’t have friends but i would have an excuse! but i can’t bc i don’t know how and im scared. im really scared that nothing will ever change and ill die alone. probably by my own hand if it gets much worse. but im scared of that too.

[lipiaknight]

A document of all the abuse ive been dealing with.

Mobility aids

ive told my bf many, many times not to adjust the height of my cane and crutches to fuck with me. He does it anyway because "seeing you wobble is cute" ive told him so many times why its not cute and its incredibly dnagerous to me, but he goes "yeah, but you always adjust it when you change your shoes, how is this any different" for referance, i have a set of demoldable skates that change my height by a good 5-6 inches when open, so i adjust my crustches and cane to accomidate. i wear them when going out for longer time periods because if my legs get tired or my hips start to hurt, i can lock my legs and just skate around. For shorter trips, or around the house, i obvously wear flat shoes, and dont have the extra height, so i adjust them lower its annoying as hell. i also tell him not to put weight on my crutches specifically because i have a wide rubber foot, and theres a weight limit before it will start to rip. when he holds one of my crutches (like if im going to pick someting up, or pay for something) he leans against it. Last time i got mad, he said "its not that expencive to replace the foot, just get a new one" run down to vent chat if you want a very long and in dept explination as to why that is problematic hes 50 lbs over the weight limit, btw

Isolation and lack of aid

Yeah, when my car broke down, i asked if they could help pay to fix my car so i could still work. That way i could get a job in tulsa. I was told no. Every time i asked to borrow the car, and said i could handle something myself, i was forced to have bf or gf go with me. Any time i asked specifically to go alone so i could run errands like get shots, set up appointments and such, i was told no. I even went out of my way to schedule my last doctors appointment when they werent going to be home bcause they had a date and they cancled it so they would be there when i left and when i got back. I planned on walking home and enjoying the sunny day, but they didnt let me walk because it was too far. Not even a mile, and i had my crutches. I tried making friends at my old workplace, but i was working with my bf as the manager, and he repremanded the one friend i had for wasting time on the clock while chatting with me. Its why i have no friends.

The original "i need help" summary

so, first things first. Im not able to work a job down here. I cant make any money, and so because the people im living with refuse to help with medical expences, all my tests and medical equipment is getting stalled. I dont even have my own dresser because ive been told to "get it yourself" when i have no reasonable way to make money. The only thing i can reliably do is comissions and streaming, and even then, income isnt consistant, and its barely enough to cover the medical expences i have. On top of that, when we needed to budget, one of the things that were "limited" were meal replacement shakes, which, when i have days i cant eat at all, is the only way i get neutriance in my system. Im scolded and yelled at when i dont push my body to the point of collapsing, and when i do collapse, im coddled like a child because im injured when it could have been prevented. When i said that what im experiancing is financial abuse because they refuse to support me in the ways that i need and my EBT card is used without my knowlege, my bf threatened to get violent. Even directly told me he wanted to wake me by putting a hole through the door. Im not allowed to vent to friends, and all my social media is watched without my consent, even after i tell them not to because of how my therapist taught me to manage my anger. When i got angry about the ableism and abuse, i was told i have narsisstic, self victimising tendancies, and im scared that ill be put in a place where not even my basic needs are met. its been slowly getting worse and worse over the past 2 years, but i finally feel like its bad enough to reach out

Boundry crossing

i told (my gf) not to go through my DM's when i first moved in because 1) i dont have my old groomers blocked, and i have (cw, grooming bullshit) pictures and messages of me when i was a minor in various states of undress, places where i vent and say things in the worst possible way thanks to autism and the way i process language (example calling it financial abuse when im not given an allowance to buy medical supplies and not having a consistant income as well as them taking my EBT card and using it without my input) and also just... generally flirting with ppl because im poly and i know she has jealousy issues, and instead of respecting that, she did it anyway, and didnt feel guilty till bf said he was dissapointed in her. THEN she told me, and was STILL angry about the way i talked about her, and what i said

unreasonable list of responcibilities while my needs are sidelined

Me: ah yes, My disability making me unable to do chores is the problem, and not the internalised ableism that you aknowlege and refuse to confront because youre tired from work. Get into therapy/nbh context: the only ongoing argument between my gf and i is that she wants me to clean more. The expectations of me are, and i quote

-vaccum every 3 days (the vaccum is to heavu and i have repepatedly asked for a lighter one so i can)

-wash and put away the dishes (hands over head make me pass out. I have broken dishes before. That and i have alot of trauma around doing dishes as a task, so i get really bad anxiety and they ignore me asking for comfort)

-feed, water, animals as well as take care of litter (but im not alowed to claim the animals are mine? because that makes her upset?)

-take out trash every other day (trash doesnt filll that often, and ive been fighting for me to have healther food and drinks so theres less waste. I create less than a quarter of the waste in this house)

-meal prep for BF to cook (and also make their work lunches, and take care of portioning ect)

ALL OF THIS while also having a physical disability that makes it incredibly difficult to stand / walk without pain, in a house that is so unaccessable that- on days i can get out of bed but barely, i cant leave my room because of steps and caving in floors, and STILL doing my youtube, twitch, AND comission carreer. Shes getting upset that im not able to do it all and is CONSTANTLY lecturing me because she "doesnt want to treat (me) like a child, but (im) acting like one by not helping out" i cant even fucking move away because theres no accessable jobs in my area and my previous jobs arent an option anymore because of how covid affected the people i worked for. i keep telling her to get into therapy for her PTSD and for her ableism, but ONE failed therapist appointment means she compleatly fucking dropped out. what makes it worse is that my BF is encouraging this behavior. by not telling her off i mean

Person 1: that's too much chores like objectively that is a not sustainable or normal amount of chores. also the animal thing is concerning too

Me: BuT tHeY wOrK 8 hOuRs a DaY. i ShOuLd Be AbLe To HaNdLe It (translation: but they work 8 hours a day. I should be able to handle it)

Person 1: she also shouldn't be infantilizing you for having issues regulating a large amount of tasks. are they much older than you?. youre still quite young, is that your first time living alone?

Me: im 20. shes 35 and hes 38 (yes i recognise how problematic that is)

Person 2 (responding to person 1) Definitely not for sure. Might be reasonable for an able bodied person maybe, but definitely not reasonably with your disability.

Person 1: age gaps can work when the relationship is built on trust, communication, and understanding.

Person 1 (responding to person 2): meal prep plus dishes plus vacuuming every three days is already a not normal amount

Me (responding to person 1): kinda? i lived in an apartment with a roomate before this, but she was a VERY tidy person, and we both owned very few things, and the apartment was highly accessable. The bathroom was even a reporpoused walk in closet, so i could have had a wheelchair if i wanted at the time and been able to navigate fine

Person 2: Everyone in my house has allergies, especially to dust, and my mom only vacuums once a week, so every 3 days seems ridiculous.

Me: we have 3 animals that we dont groom, and theyre allergic to pollen. They want me to care for the pollen... instead of... i dunno, not getting a hottub and saving up for an air purifier?

Person 1: this is sounding more and more like they want a live-in cleaner. them choosing to work 8 hour shifts does not mean you don't get to have choices and a life

Me: BTW, did i mention they got a hottub? like... less than a week ago? after i had been asking for a fucking dresser for months because i dont have anywhere to put my clean clothes and towels and the pet hair on my skin after i shower causes meltdowns

Person 2: Chores should be split equitably, not equally. (2 people responded with a This emote)

Me: it doesnt even have to be brand fucking new. I will be happy with a 50$ dresser covered in shitty paint from goodwill. i just need a place i can put my clean clothes. Also, did i mention that theres wasps on the back porch, where the drier is? and my family has a history of being allergic to wasps? so i panic when i go out there to wash, dry and put away laundry that i cant even fucking put away, and they treat it like im fucking manipulating them. im sorry that i dont know if im allergic or not and ther seriousness of the allergy has put people in the er and even killed family members, and im not willing to risk that. They like "just do laundry at night" as if its not too cold to walk outside. THEY DONT EVEN DO LAUNDRY AT NIGHT BECAUSE ITS TOO FUCKING COLD. they expect my coping mechanisms to make me healthy and normal. They dont realise im fucking coping, not healing.

Me (responding to person 2): but its easy for them! should be easy for me!! /sarc

Person 1: (My name censored) I gotta say this doesn't sound like a safe situation for you to be in. (person 2 agrees)

Me: its not. It never fucking was. Heres a bit of fun math for you! i turn 21 in august. my bf and i's 3 year anneversary will be the following january. my options at the time when i moved in with them were to either move back in with my mom (which was objectivly worse than this) or drive 14 hours, alone (because my gf didnt want to drive an hour in the snow to fly bf to drive with me) and have a place to stay with people who said they loved me, or become houseless. I was in a tripple loose situation. and now im fucking stuck. Im undervalued, scolded constantly, unsafe due to both location and their behavior, and unable to work or drive because my junker of a car died. Im stuck and theres nothing i can do. i just... im tired. i dont want to be here. I want to be able to move somewhere that i will be safe and get the care i need

More information on the "messing with my disability aids" from earlier

Me: ive told my bf many, many times not to adjust the height of my cane and crutches to fuck with me. He does it anyway because "seeing you wobble is cute". i just-...

Person A: ????? thats so fucked up

Person B: What the actual fuck??

Person A: "seeing you struggle to walk even more than usual is amusing to me" thats what that means

Person B: "I broke your kneecaps because it's adorable watching you struggle 📷"

Person A: my wife wont even touch my mobility aids without asking

Me: ive told him so many times why its not cute and its incredibly dnagerous to me, but he goes "yeah, but you always adjust it when you change your shoes, how is this any different"

Person A: that's.......not the same thing... one is getting dressed and ready to go out somewhere, and the other is being harassed and having to fix what was messed up

Me: for referance, i have a set of demoldable skates that change my height by a good 5-6 inches when open, so i adjust my crustches and cane to accomidate. i wear them when going out for longer time periods because if my legs get tired or my hips start to hurt, i can lock my legs and just skate around. For shorter trips, or around the house, i obvously wear flat shoes, and dont have the extra height, so i adjust them lower. its annoying as hell. i also tell him not to put weight on my crutches specifically because i have a wide rubber foot, and theres a weight limit before it will start to rip. when he holds one of my crutches (like if im going to pick someting up, or pay for something) he leans against it. Last time i got mad, he said "its not that expencive to replace the foot, just get a new one". hes 50 lbs over the weight limit, btw

Person C: i’ll beat his ass

Me: i would encourage it, but im still living with him. not yet. gimme 2 months

Person A: i hate to ask this kind of question, but if hes treating you that way is not being with him an option?

Me: siigh. (not at you, jsut alot of info hang on)

Person A: u don't have to answer if u don't want to. no pressure

Me: so, i am working on running away. In order to do so, ive done the math and to get on my feet, ill need between 2 and 2.5k$. 2.5k if were including transportation (my food will be covered by SNAP) I have a plane tiket out on the 20th, and i have a place to stay. Im not sharing my entire plan in this discord because my discord DM's are read. Not my servers, though, but im not willing to play with the chances of my plan being ruined. Im working on getting a job now, and fundraising to get the 2.5 needed to cover my first months expences via both comissions and donations, but its not going anywhere. im at 400 now. Thats it. if i break up with him, ill be kicked out. If i bring up the fact that im being abused, he will get violent. He already has in the past and swung at me. I cant work where i live due to lack of a car and lack of accessable jobs. Im in the process of running away now. just takes time. "why dont you get out sooner?" saving money takes time. Plus, my aunt is the one buying the ticket. I want to avoid holiday prices. more likely ill get a bit extra once im down here "what took you so long to realise it was bad?" love bombing and getting into a relationship with a 35 and 37 year old at 18 when i didnt know their ages and they didnt say when asked, "Has he hit you before?" no. Hes swung and missed, hit walls, put holes in doors and furnature, but hasnt techincally hit me yet. I dont expect that to last. "are you safe right now?" as long as i keep my head down and mouth sut about my plans, yes. Ill be fine (edited)

Person A: wow, im sorry you're having to go through that, but im proud of you for taking the steps you're taking. its incredibly difficult to do what youre doing, but you'll be better off for it (edited)

Me: i just wish the fundraising was working. also, clearifying that ill be leaving january 20th, not dec 20th

Person A: i hope you're able to make up the money

Me: ive been referring to it as "the 20th" with my friends to make it harder to discern. Also, all of my dm's about the situation have been in code, as well as cyphered. for F, i just use enji, for T i use enji plus a 6- cypher, and pictography using emotes plus enji for M1 (names of my friends cencored for my safety)

Person A: that's pretty cool!

Me: this is now the third time ive had to run away somewhere else for my own safety. Its jut the first time ive had to do so with so few resources. Im really good at runaway notes, cryptography, and secret messages. when i post on tiktok, i use the simplist secret code there is so my bf and gf cant see it. just... write out your message with the first letter of a sentance

My public harrassment being brushed off and ignored

Me: The thing that pisses me off, is the one time I tried to use the scooter at Walmart because I was shopping for he house alone for the first time in a while, I got scolded by an employee for not walking. When I explained that I hurt myself getting out of my car, otherwise I would use my mobility aids, she said "if you're hurt, go to the doctor. Don't be lazy" then stormed off. This was before I was medicated for my anxiety, so I just had a panic attack. I mean... How does one even respond to that???

Person W: run her over

Person Y: eat her

Person X: (replying to person W) Not with the scooter, with a car

Me: This is the same worker who saw me without my cane on a good day and asked where it was because, and I quote "I thought all you crippleds need those"

Person Y: wtf

Person Z: Going to a doctor isn't an immediate thing. You don't get hurt and then immediately see a doctor and immediately get treated. It doesn't work like that. And injuries don't immediately go away the moment that you see a doctor either.

Person Y: also has she considered that not all people have access to doctors

Person Z: ^this too

Person Y: ALSO has she considered that doctors can be busy and not have time to see you

Me: She's also the same one who told me I wasn't allowed to wear the demoldable skates I like to use when my mobility is low because I can just lock my knees and be dragged around. Like a wheelchair, but worse!

Person X: You should report her to management. (4 people reacted with a "this" emote)

Me: Fun fact! I am allowed to wear them in Walmart, it's perfectly fine. There's a size limit to the wheels allowed indoors, but it's allowed.

Person W: this is some sort of harassment

Me: Probably.

Person W: you can report it

Person X: this woman never speak again challenge

Me: She doesn't bother me when I'm with my bf and gf, so I didn't bring it up due to anxiety, and Havnt talked to her since I got on meds, but I'm just thinking, and just.... Fuck, man... I let alot of shit slide because of my anxiety in the past that I shouldn't have

Person W: did you tell your partners? they both may be able to help you report it

Me: I did, but their responce was basically "just don't talk to her, you basically never leave the house anyway" which is true, but it was annoying to hear. I dunno, I can't really go anywhere on my own as is, so it's not like anything changes considering how uncomfy she makes me, but still....

threats of violence

M1: The other day I realized That your bf and gf are my siblings in law kind. I think I will show my love by being feral toward them. I will just growl at them and bite them but in a fond way. except your gf. She scares me. Just a little. Not too much because I’m the biggest man

Me: they dont really like you

M1: that’s valid actually. I was just joking. being silly if you will. I’m sorry I didn’t know- I thought they did like me- I was trying to warm up to them and shit /gen. It’s okay that they don’t like me though that’s fine

Me: (context, i had taken an edible to manage my anxiety) Ok, i need to type this out while im still sober, its important. i told them about your financial abuse thing, and it made them both angry. Bf violently so. they basically said to stay out of our relationship, so they dont like you. As far as they know, im not talking to you for a few days. In reality, i wasnt talking to anyone relly, not just you

M1: Oh. I don’t like that they don’t like me because of that.

Me: same here

M1: They don’t have to like me because I’m annoying and not chill n shit. That’s fine. But because I said that they were abusive? And telling me to stay out of it? That’s fucked. I don’t feel like you’re safe there. I don’t like that. Be careful. I wish I could help but the only thing I could do is ask someone to help me help you financially get out. And you don’t know my parents like that and you wouldn’t want their help

Me: Bf desnt want to be called an abuser period. His ex claimed he was an abuser and still uses that as a method of earning money.

M1: that is…. A red flag. so is his ex don’t get me wrong

Me: he was really angry when he heard that. He told me that if it werent for his "spirtual council" (the spirits helping to manage his anger) he would have "put a hole through that door to wake you. Thats how angry i was". He seriously scared me, so i havnt talked to him much since

M1: That’s bad. That’s really bad. You know that right? Like that’s not good

Me: yeah

M1: Okay cool just checking. You wanna leave? Do you want out?

Me: im not entirely sure, if im being honest. i care alot alot, and i do love them, but what he said made me litterally feel sick.

M1: I know

Me: they emphasised that if the idea that they were abusive came from me and not you, the options were to 1) kick me out, 2) force me to get a job and start paying rent and break up with me, or to "call your mom, and have her come pick you up"

M1: That’s horrible. They’re fucking horrible. and I know you love them and I’m sorry

Me: im just... so scared. I know i cant support myself with how bad my body is. and i love them so much. The way Bf kept talking about being so mad he wanted to hurt me, then immedantly relaxed when he heared that the idea came from you.... Fuck, now i remember why these memories were kept from me lol

Closing thoughts

There is so much more, but when i made the deicision to run away, alot of my messages were deleted for my own safety while i make plans. As written above, My DM's are read, and my main account on here is also read without my consent. If you happen to have advice, Please hit up my DM's