#im going to the doctor on friday which is good

[ilostyou]

welp. the phantom cramps are no longer phantom 😃

[giyrut-girlie]

(queer) jews in my phone i need help/love

this is a long ass post im so sorry lmfao, im putting it in under the cut to save you all but also if people have head space pls read <3

on friday night, i found myself the last of the shabbat guests (who weren't staying the night) at the Rabbi's house. i had asked my housemate to pick me up at 10:30, but everyone else left before 10.

the kids and rabbi's wife had gone to bed, so it was me, the Rabbi, and two older frum guys who stay over shabbat most weeks to be closer to shul.

for some context, earlier in the evening one of these guys had asked another dinner guest (a med student who I'm good friends with, she's a year or two younger than me) whether trans issues came up in her study. the two of us youngins made brief "help me" eye contact and she answered saying that yes, they did cover trans issues given that as a doctor she will, at some point or another, treat trans patients. the subject was changed, but the room was a bit tense.

so: 10pm, i'm sitting at the table, a little tipsy from all the wine, just hanging out until my ride comes.

the rabbi says "hey ella, i have a question for you now that everyone else (by which he means the not-so-frum people) is gone." and i Just Knew what he was about to ask.

i won't go into extreme detail about the actual conversation, but to sum it up: I was asked my opinion on trans folk, i said that i am supportive and do in fact believe trans people about their identities and was Shut All The Way Down. if i cited statistics i was told that actually they'd seen the opposite, if i tried to explain a study i was familiar with, i was told that they didn't think that was true. i actually don't know how i stayed calm, bc my mind and body were telling me that i was Unsafe basically the entire time (thanks anxiety disorder really did me a solid there /s).

eventually 10:30 rolled around and i had a get out of jail free to skip the rest of that fuck awful conversation, and my housemate was very nice to listen to my debriefing. while talking to her i came to the realisation that one of the main factors in the disagreement was that the rabbi didn't actually value the wisdom of any cultures/teachings/histories outside of judaism. if I talked about sistergirls of the torres strait, or māhū of hawai'i, that was dismissed essentially as goyische nonsense.

this whole conversation has been a Fucking Downer for my mental health. i actually broke shabbat (beyond my usual one melacha to be in the clear and sneaky housemate taxi service) that night bc my thoughts were racing too much to sleep without putting on some comfort media.

but beyond the mental health stuff (though probably actually very related) i've found myself really struggling with judaism since friday night. having my rabbi, who has been helping me through conversion, and who i have really valued as a teacher, and the only two other frum people in the community be so overtly transphobic all at once has really taken me for a spin. like, my rabbi is a lubavitcher, i knew that he was going to be fairly conservative about some stuff, but he literally told me that he only uses the correct pronouns for one of our community members as a "personal favour", and essentially told me that she was good evidence against trans acceptance bc nothing she could ever do would ever make her not a man (and you better believe this involved a lot of comments about her appearance)

to put the icing on the cake, when i dropped off his kids today (i nanny for them once a week), he handed me a book that upon research is basically the jk rowling talking point bible. he said to me that it was a really good book for me to read and that it might help fight some of the "mob mentality" (interesting term for scientific consensus but okay)

(also i had actually looked up my own citations from the discussion later and found myself to be very much correct in my recitation of statistics, but you better believe i wasn't petty enough to forward them on)

ANYWAY if anyone is still reading i'm fucking bummed and super anxious about interacting with my community, my conversion, finding the balance between really truly wanting to pursue an orthodox lifestyle and also being queer myself etc etc

i live in a really small jewish community and can't really leave until i finish my degree in 2026, so i can't exactly just find a more accepting rabbi or shul.

anyone have any advice, or just some solidarity for feeling shitty in this space? love u jews in my phone xx

[winterspiderpurrs]

" Kid be real with me here..... just give me a name... an address.... even a picture"

" I can't do that!"

Tony sighed " Pete I am going to find out sooner or later. Just tell me the name of the Alpha who got you in this situation.... I just wanna make sure we can vet him bambino.... make sure he is good enough for you"

Peter sniffles a little, looking back down at his lap. Folding the paper with the doctors results on it again. " I cant.... not cause I dont want too...but..." bitting his lip he looks up at Tony and then back down before quietly almost a whisper " I don't know which one... there were two"

Quickly taking his glasses off and tossing them on the desk. Tony leans forward and stares Peter down.

" What was that? Are you fucking with me Pete? Who..You don't know who the father is because two fucking Alphas dont know how to wrap up their knots!?!"

Peter's eyes fill with tears again. And Tony sighs, closing his eyes pressing his fingers lightly on his eyes trying to calm down. Heaving a big sigh " Kid... I thought you were smarter then this. Why weren't you on birt-"

A voice comes on over the intercom. " Dr. Strange is here for you at your request. Should I send him in?"

Peter's jaw dropped and stared at Tony " You called-"

" Damn right I did! You know he is the best to check up on you til we can find your own doc... its a delicate situation Pete... you know who I am. "

They wait a few minutes before a knock sounds at the door before opening. Dr. Stephen Strange walked in, closing the door behind himself. " Now Stark tell me why I was rushed to get over here? I was prepping for a surgery when Pepper called and you know I-" Stephen paused taking in the scene infront of him, exhausted and pissed off looking Tony. Then over at Peter, pale, eyes rimmed red filled with tears looking scared and at any moment would fall over. Narrowing his eyes he turned to Tony " What did you do to my baby?"

Tony splutters " What did I do? WHAT DID I DO? He is the one who went and got knocked up! And it gets better he doesn't know who the fuck the father is because he has been fucking two guys"

" What? Why weren't you watching out for him? What if they were targeting him"

" I don't know if you know this but im running this town! And I can't keep a watch over him 24/7 he isn't a pup anymore Stephen!"

" Of course I know he isn't a pup! But you were suppose to have someone making sure this doesn't happen to our baby! I knew we should have sent him off to medical school."

" Hey! We both agreed that he could do whatever he wants. Just cause he is an Omega and our kid didn't mean he didn't have a choice! He is a great bioengineering and genetics! And some of the ideas he has as helped the business. Mine and yours!"

"And look where that-"

Peter let out another sniffle and a soft " Momma..." Stephen turned and looked at Peter, shoulders dropping and he moves to pull Peter up and out of the chair.

" Let's go get you to bed. You need to rest, I'll have Friday send up some tea for you. Momma will have some equipment sent over and I'll make sure everything is all right." He gentle runs his fingers through Peter's hair before kissing his forehead.

Turning to lightly lead him toward the door. " and while we are at it you are going to tell me all about these..... Alphas hm? Cause I know you are or atleast were on birth control. I implanted the device myself just last year in your arm" Stephen turn his head back to glare at Tony and mouth to him that he needed to 'Figure this out quick'

After they left the room Tony curses more before reaching out to Natasha. " Widow. I need information and I needed it yesterday. Its about our baby spider"

" send me details. I'll get Winter involved if needed"

" Whatever it takes"

-----------------------------------------

*^*^*ONE HOUR LATER*^*^*

"Do you have a picture and address? I will see if I have any body that covers that area"

" Here" Natasha slides her phone over to Winter aka James Barnes just call me Bucky. He lift the phone freezes and stares at it. Natasha tilts her head as she watches this shift.

" And what.... information are we looking for?"

" Stark wants to know who has been around, possibly going back for a few months. We are looking for two Alphas. Kid has been tight lipped. Thats all the information we got to work with."

" ... Was he hurt? Did two Alphas attack him? Why is he important to Stark"

Natasha notices Bucky tightening his grip on the phone before he handed it back to her.

Looking back up into his eyes she narrows hers. " Aren't you with Ste....." her eyes widen before slamming he hand down on the table. " Please tell me you and Steve are not fucking Tony Starks kid?"

" He is 22 and .... we didn't know"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

-*-*-EDIT-*-*-

Link for Part 2 now included!!

[harry-styles-obsessed]

THIS GIF MY NIGHT MY NIGHT MY NIGHT WEMBLEY N3 GODS I LOVE HIM AJDIEOEOOE

My baby fever has returned. This is why I’m writing this. Im chronically online LMAO. My bad. But this is absolutely fucking adorable MY HEART.

Synopsis: After a long shift at work you come home to something absolutely adorable.

©️ please do not copy or translate my work.

Baby fever

You had just finished your work. You worked as a full time doctor within the care of the NHS. Sometimes you had shitty days and sometimes you had lovely days but this day had just been incredibly shitty. It had just been one of those days… one of those dreadfully slow and painful days. You never liked to bring home what had happened at the hospital as you didn’t like your 5 year old daughter hearing any of it, sure you and Harry sometimes talked because communication was best after all but you hated even having to talk quietly… you didn’t want sweet little Loulabelle hearing about anything horrible. The little girl had a vivid and wild imagination and came up with the craziest of dreams and nightmares that you and Harry were often shocked she, someone so young, could see… so vividly.

You slowly opened the front door, eyes tired and dreary. Lou should’ve been in bed by now. Sometimes Harry let her have later nights on Fridays which today was Friday but sometimes she was so overtired that he just put her to bed immediately yet you were quite surprised when you heard the gentle strums of guitar. A small smile immediately formed on your lips… maybe he was practicing? And so you slowly walked to the living room the sight before you immediately warming your heart. Harry sat on the sofa, Lou sat on her little purple beanbag a plastic lidded cup with hot chocolate in it as she stared at her daddy with big loving eyes. Yet it only got cuter from then on, the strumming becoming familiar the little girl bouncing up and down excitedly “you gonna sing Lou?” His voice was soft as he gazed at her with loving eyes, giving her daddy a toothy grin as she nodded her head desperately.

“You’ve got a friend in me… you’ve got a friend in me… daddy! When the road looks rough ahead and your miles and miles from your nice warm bed you just remember what your old pal said daddy, you’ve got a friend in me!” The little girl sang with wide happy eyes, hands clutching at the plastic cup her happiness obvious as she continued singing with wide happy eyes, her words sweet and loud before she pointed at Harry showing she didn’t want to sing anymore “daddy you sing! You sing!” The small girl yelled, Harry unable to stop smiling agreed- fingers continuing to strum the guitar gently and slowly “nice and loudly daddy!” The girl yelled and he chuckled nodding his head softly “okay baby okay…” he licked over his lips preparing himself before looking into her big green eyes a lot of love etched onto his face giving his shoulders a little wiggle the girl bursting into fits of giggles as she kept her eyes on him, taking big gulps of her hot chocolate:

“You’ve got a friend in me. You’ve got a friend in me. You’ve got troubles and I got em to. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you. We stick together and we see it through cause you’ve got a friend in me! Some other folks might be a little smarter than I am big and strong too. Maybe but none of them will love you the way I do… it’s me and you, girl… and as the years go by our friendship will never die. You’re gonna see it’s our destiny… you’ve got a friend in me…” you watched your eyes stinging with tears your lower lip trembling as you stared at him. The love of your life… so good with kids. It was heartbreakingly adorable. Soon you joined them “you’ve got a friend in me…” you sang out the little girl immediately squealing “mummy!!! Mummy!! Daddy look it’s mummy!” Lou ran up to wrap her small arms around you and you quickly lifted her up into your embrace. “Oh what pretty singing you have young lady” you spoke smiling Harry soon pressing a kiss to your cheek silently asking how you are, his arm wrapping around your waist gently

“Mummy sing me a song!!” “No little girl it’s your bedtime. I’ve already sang that song to you ten times” a soft laugh left your lips, before you said goodnight to the child, Harry taking her up and putting her to bed before he came back down, arms wrapping around you immediately as he held you close to his body looking down at you with loving eyes “good day?” He asked softly the look in your eyes saying it all “it’s better now that I’m with you and Lou.” You spoke quietly his eyes softening “I think that is a good means for cuddles and take out… what do you think?” He raised his brows and you smiled nodding your head “and cuddles with you?” “Of course.” He then pressed a soft kiss to your lips eyes full of adoration and love…. That evening full of nothing but love and care… he spent his evening taking care and loving for you… there truly was nothing he wouldn’t do for you. The love of his life.

[mihai-florescu]

hello i was scrolling to see if you knew about the sk8 ova visual but i saw someone was talking to you about kagepro aaaaa i think i talked to you about it before? honestly i never got past the anime and mvs but the music has been among my top most listened to for years and the anime is pretty interesting, i recommend watching it on a very hot summer day to truly get the true mekaku city experienceTM (i should rewatch before summer ends, too)

anyways how has your week been? :)

Nodnod i remember you mentioning it! I was advised to keep the anime for last and watch the mvs first, but i havent made much progress there since yesterday (busyyy i havent even had time to read enstars...tragic for me, slash genuine)

I dont even remember the start of the week... i procrastinated a lot. Read a book in 2 days (y/n by ester yi, overall id say i liked it but the writing wasnt my cup of tea. It was giving faux pretentious but it's first person pov from an on purpose insufferable protagonist so it worked in the context), then worried about my graduation project (havent made much progress and i also need to write some reflections positioning myself in the industry...cant a girl just be vibing...), then friday was crazy busy with doctor appointments and other things (had some really good sushi tho, the highlight of that day), i have no memory of yesterday, and today we went to some family friends, which was very nice! We are the same age but they have very clear directions in life and are good at hustling so my mood couldve easily plummeted but then they talked about anime and food so👍👍👍lovely, things i could talk about for days. I'll send you photos of one of their cats that hanged out with us, he's sooo fat and orange! Thats about it...i am dreading having to do school stuff tomorrow. Im kind of just looking forward to social things i have planned this year more than school and graduation, and i hope those plans go well but i dont want to jinx anything. I always pull through and manage with school anyway. Except for the times i havent. But other than that things work out for me💥💥💥

How have you been? How is the job??

[dausy]

I had a follow up doctors appointment yesterday and it was kinda sweet, my husband wanted to go with me. He said he didn't trust me to not tell the truth and then walk out.

I know what its like to work with doctors so I'm always kinda like in my head "mmhmmm..Im sure youre nice" but tbh this is the first doctor who has ever listened to me and actually did tests and offered to do tests and not just tell me Im having anxiety and send me on my way.

that being said everything so far came back normal which is nice. I had a vascular doctor look at my "birthmark" and did an mri to make sure it wasn't elsewhere. In particular I wanted to make sure it wasn't causing my headaches.

and I got put on topamax for migraine prevention. Its a long story and more to it than that but hopefully my stomach will heal and I'll get some headache relief. Funny enough though I took the first dose of topamax last night, I was awake all night, couldn't sleep and I had a headache...she said she'd see me back in a month and the next step would be botox injections.

my husband bought me an oreo shake for being a good girl at the doctor lmao.

I think we are now planning a trip to visit California next month. Weird to think same time last year we were in California as well. My SiL who just graduated nursing school wants to take a beach trip before starting her big girl job and doesn't really want to go by herself. She offered to pay me and my husbands way..nah...cant take money from a 22 year old. My husband has hotel points and we essentially used them to pay for a beach house on the naval base down there. We just need to pay for plane tickets and dog boarding. I got my last ever paycheck from work last friday and I'm already having panic attacks over spending money. We are fine, this is just my childhood trauma speaking. I say we are planning because my husband still has to get the time off approved lmao. But we have the beach house. I stayed an an airforce beachhouse once and it was pretty much like a medical clinic lobby..so don't get too excited thinking its fancy..but it was half the price of hotels in the area. Think we are planning on visiting the zoo and I'd like to see some of the museums they have out there. Dont know yet. I hate airplanes though. Having more anxiety already.

---

for graphical effects heres the illustration I worked on last night. I got an advertisement for a yoga mat competition and I was like "interesting interesting" with no real desire to join it but it got me thinking how would I design a yoga mat and it made me think of those mandalas you usually see and then I realized Id never used that mirror feature before in procreate. So I decided yesterday was the day to learn the mirror feature. This was honestly the hardest thing I've done in a while and then to put that much effort digitally..the real issue was I didn't have a plan other than "make it swirly" but then I realized you can't just..make it swirly...if I hadn't have made perfect eyes and a nose on the immediate first attempt I would have abandoned it. I literally made a bunch of swirls and then had to connect the dots to make some form of sense to the madness. Erase and connect lines and end lines and curse myself for making so many lines. But it turned out ok. I might have entered my digital lineart era. Ive never been one for digital lineart. Like, now that I know...I kinda want to attempt it again.

[polyamorouspunk]

sleepover friday *vent warning*

im so fucking annoyed at myself i just submitted an essay for my degree and it went so fucking badly

its over 1000 words under the word count and its barely referenced, i was pretty much going off of my base knowledge for a bunch of the information i put in it because i ran out of time to research

even though i had OVER 2 MONTHS to write 4000 words which is *plenty of time* if id actually begun working on more than just a plan before this week

i even had a 3 week break over easter but i did absolutely fuck all the entire time

the worst part it i was soooo excited about this project the entire time, the topic is really interesting to me and i really wanted to do well, i just *couldnt* actually get myself to work on it

and on top of that ive skipped most of the content for my other modules this semester mostly because i couldnt be bothered to get out of bed for the scheduled stuff and then didnt see the point in doing the reading for the thing i wasnt going to

i feel like at this point i should probably just drop out because i obviously cant handle this but i really want to keep going, i need to finish this degree

i keep telling myself "next time ill start earlier", "next time ill do the reading" but i never fucking learn

sorry for just kind of yelling at you about my problems, i just needed to get it out, ill probably feel (slightly) better after ive slept and eaten something other than snacks <2

a few good things did happen this week as well though, i went to see The Maine last night (bought the tickets back in autumn and decided to go anyway regardless of how little of my essay was finished) and a few days ago i did a scavenger hunt type event with my rock society (the music) where my friend did not break his feet (confirmed by doctor) (challenge was highest jump, he jumped off a wall) and another friend ate a pringle covered in dish soap and a lot of salt (challenge was eat the grossest thing) (last time they did this someone ate out of one of the bins along the street)

That sounds like a lot of fun! I’m glad you have a group of people with shared interests like that doing fun things!

There’s nothing wrong with being burnt out from school work/life. I myself dropped out of my last class I need to graduate and STILL I haven’t even checked to make sure that I did drop out.

I’m just going to try again next year because it’s okay that this isn’t my year for it.

[easy-revenge]

hey!! idk if tumblr ate my ask, the himeno brainrot has faded or if you just didn’t feel like it (which is so valid lmao no worries) but i would love to hear your headcanons for her!! xx

hiii so sorry !! i actually started answering ur ask when i was on vacation a couple weeks back and then i didnt have enough ideas and put it in my drafts....and to no one's surprise i forgot about it lmao so thank u for reminding me !!

also i can't NOT have himeno brainrot atp don't worry heheh

however im afraid I won't deliver too much on this bc instead of like individual headcanons ive mostly just filled in the blanks that canon left with my own things (often self-indulgent) and made up a life for himeno which i now basically treat as canon lmao (yes this is delusion central)

i will attempt this though but fair warning that a lot of the behaviors and things i associate with her aren't very wholesome or a jolly good time (i suffer daily with this brain)

(cw for mentions of addiction and a lil bit of drugs, i promise it gets more lighthearted after the first few ones lmao)

so, starting off strong, I don't think himeno spends a lot of her time sober. namely, i headcanon her almost always running on some kind of buzz. i think it's established that she handles her liquor well so i dont think it would be noticeable at work, but considering she trained under kishibe for a long time, i can see her having a flask of her own and sipping at it throughout the day.

in the same spirit, i think she would also take any opportunity to properly get wasted. friday nights with aki at her apartment, outings with the people from work etc, especially if she doesn't have work in the morning. i think maybe she believes she's more fun to be around when drunk.

i don't think these behaviors are about entertainment, but rather a way she's found to be more "functional" and able to keep doing what she does and uphold the carefree persona she's established, hence incorporating them into her life to the point of very rarely being stone cold sober.

i think she also doesn't like the idea of her family knowing about how she copes. maybe she doesn't answer her father's phonecalls sometimes, scared of sounding too noticeably drunk at noon on a tuesday. or she's often stressed about her sister's occasional surprise visits in case she comes over and finds himeno's place in disarray and her in a similar state.

apart from alcohol, which is basically canon, i once had a thought about himeno occasionally abusing pills. pain meds prescribed for recovering from a work injury hitting just right paired with some beer on the side one evening and boom yk. i bet it wouldn't be too hard for her, considering her line of work, to get her hands on opioids regularly enough, especially since the story is set in the 90s and doctors used to prescribe them left and right before the amount of patients getting dependent skyrocketed.

to complete the holy trinity of vices, again based on things mentioned in canon, i think himeno is also the type of person to sleep around a lot with distraction being the objective. she has a reputation for getting flirty and handsy with ppl from public safety when drunk and i think that speaks for itself. this is not inherently a vice ofc, but in her case I don't think she engages in this behavior being sound of mind. it almost never happens when she's sober and i headcanon her often regretting it at least briefly the next day.

oof that was a lot lmao. um chill anyways, on a lighter note i have a couple thoughts about her relationship with aki !!

i think it's a habit for them to take care of each other's injuries after missions. im actually writing a fic about aki showing up at himeno's doorstep, bleeding and expecting to be taken care of in his own begrudging, stuck up way lmao. i think himeno is less likely to straight up go to his house for that, but i see them leaving public safety and going home together to shower and bandage their wounds in companionable silence.

additionally to that whole thing, i personally do believe that their relationship could've had a non-platonic side to it, albeit still casual in its nature. leaving that aside, i think they share quite a bit of affection and physical touch regardless, considering how casually we see them invading each other's personal space in canon. so i think they sleep in the same bed a lot, after tending to each other's wounds, or getting too drunk in himeno's living room. i think it took a while for aki to stop being tense and relax into it, but they settled into a comfortable zone and it was sth they both needed more than they would ever admit.

fujimoto once talked about himeno and said that she is the type to leave a lot of her stuff behind at aki's place and u better believe i ran with it. clothes, hair brushes, a spare toothbrush in the bathroom, you can't change my mind. i also think that to some extent it goes both ways. himeno has a shitload of aki's tupperware at her place, from all the food he brings her weekly, and she never washes them unless aki comes over to do it himself and by the time he decides to take some back, there's always more. black hair ties are often littered in her bathroom cabinets and on one of her night stands. a book on her windowsill that aki brought to read before bed once and then never took home.

not to get dark again, but talking about them is bound to make me sad sooner or later :) based on the way she thinks about aki's death in canon, i think she would often panic when thinking about aki's shrivelling lifespan, especially at the beginning when aki had a lot of years to spare and surely used the sword more freely. i imagine her being restless in her bed with aki sleeping next to her, feeling compelled to check on his breathing or his pulse. reach over and touch his hand to feel him alive and warm, hoping it would soothe her to sleep.

i also think she's there a lot of the times aki cries. i bet the first time she saw him was accidental, or at least not a conscious decision on aki's part. i also bet himeno didn't really know what to think of it initially, but soon looked at aki under a different light bc of it. i think aki finds comfort in himeno being in the same room as the tears spill from his eyes after a day of watching people die. and i think himeno loves giving him that, even though it tugs at her chest in uncomfortable ways she can't quite point out.

i feel compelled to but i won't go into the whole being in love with aki situation, because first of all its not even a headcanon but very much there and secondly i will ramble indefinitely about how i think her pining for him would manifest and this is already a huge post god bless

on a slightly different note before i bring this to a close, i like thinking about her bond with kishibe a lot as well. it's not shown enough in the anime or manga, but i imagine them being friends. i think they would go out for drinks but more to talk than get wasted. i think they'd have the capacity to talk about very real things but also nothing at all. kishibe might be the only person himeno talks to properly about aki, aside from her letters to her sister, because he shares the same life as her and inevitably has more space tl understand. maybe kishibe gets to talk a bit about quanxi too.

haha oh well :D that's all i have for now. if u read this far thank you and also im sorry lmao. hadn't sat down to microwave himeno like this in a hot minute i loved getting the opportunity to do it so thanks for the ask anon !! till next time ~

[dlnj]

Damn first time I’ve actually run out of diapers since getting diagnosed with enuresis. She also said that there are day time issues as well and told me I had a doctors order for diapers as often as I need. My insurance was supposed to cover my diapers but ended up shutting down on me but it’s all good I have a source that gives me a couple of packs every couple of weeks and I’ve been buying cheap Walgreens diapers that have a whole bunch in the pack and aren’t bad for cheap-o diapers. Keeps me diapered most days. Recently I’ve really been experiencing incontinence in the form of Urge Incontinence or over active bladder and some stress incontinence which is leaking when you stretch or sneeze , cough or what have you. Me being into diapers has me fine with this , almost excited actually screw almost I am excited, I started taking a med who’s known side effect is incontinence and wouldn’t you know it I am having that side effect , but im good with having to wear diapers and the medication makes me feel normal so even if I wasn’t good with having to wear diapers I think I would end up finding a way to be good with it. Anyway any time im not wearing a diaper is a risk of having an accident and lately I’ve had several including just Friday and trust me when I say this it’s a huge one , puddles on the floor and all, if and when it happens in public im pretty sure my wife will end up demanding im never not diapered again. So maybe I should let it happen and not wear diapers??? Hmmmmm . She knows and partakes as well so im sure it wouldn’t take her much to demand it lol. Always what I wanted was to not have a choice . Always felt like I belonged in diapers my whole life. Just like some folks will feel like they were born in the wrong skin and feel better as a girl or visa versa or were born knowing they were gay …… that’s how I feel, I was born knowing I was supposed to wear diapers always . Well I suppose I didn’t know at birth cause it was just a normal thing that we were in diapers but as soon as I was taken out of diapers I knew it was wrong and wasn’t supposed to be . That I was different and was never supposed to not be diapered . Of well I guess I righted that , now im in the process of becoming permanently incontinent and 100% diaper dependent. I post updates in that often. Anyway this week will be tight , im salvaging diapers that a tab was broken off on while trying to put one on , we save those for later rather than toss them out and use tape to fix them. That way we always have something . Still going to be a wet week, probably have many pant wetting accidents and at least 2-5 nights of wetting the bed. I put myself back in diapers both because I like them and because I will either wet the bed, wake up 3 plus times a night to pee, sometimes when getting up to pee I might wake up take two steps toward the door and boom right there wet myself , or make it somewhere between the bed and the bathroom I might wet myself then too so trust me when I say this , no diapers then there is a good chance I’ll have day times accidents happen and tons of something happen at night either bedwetting or wetting my self on the way to the bathroom during one of my many middle of the night trips . Oh well just goes to show that I do need to always have diapers . I have pull-ups and guards for men I typically stuff my diaper with, have to wear briefs though , works in my diaper so maybe in a pull up. I guess time will tell, if anyone knows of any adult diaper resource let me know thanks a bunch.

[foreverinthepagesofhistory]

hi! if you had a chance to spend 7 days of the week with NAOTMAA (each day with one), what would you do and which day would you spend with who?

Hi!!!!! *BTW all of this takes place in modern times when NAOTMAA are not Royals*

Ok so on Monday i would spend the day with Nicholas and probably go hunting! I have always wanted to practice my aim lol 😂! Then i would go look at family photographs because I think Nicky would love to show me his beautiful family and I think I would like that too!

Then on Tuesday i think i would spend some time with Alexei! First i would go to the doctor (modern day doctor) and try to get treatment for his hemophilia because he really needs it! Then i would probably go to an all you can eat buffet and get lots of Russian Blini! Then i would go but Alexei some protective gear (helmet, arm and leg pads, etc.) so we can do some fun physical activity (going to the playground, laser tag, swimming etc.)

On Wednesday i would go see Tatiana and have a lot of fun! First i would go shopping with her and show her all of the new styles! Then i would go sign her up for a modeling photoshoot because my Tatya is 🥵!!!! Then i would go play with Ortipo and watch Tatiana do tricks with her! Then i think we would talk about life because i think that Tatiana would be a good person to talk about life too!

On Thursday i would hang out with Maria! First we would go to the gym and prove everyone wrong because they always call Maria fat and I think that that is very rude! Then we would go play some pranks on Nastya for always pranking Mashka. Then i would invite Maria to help babysit with me (I actually do that irl) because she’s amazing with little children. Then i would go do all kinds of art with Maria! First watercolors, then acrylics, then sculpting! And I think we would bond over us both being left handed!

on Friday I would spend time with Alix! First I think we would go to the doctor and get some modern medication for Alix’s sciatica pain and for her heart. Then i think we would go to a spa and get massages and facials and stuff like that. Then I think we would look at old photos of when Alix was a kid and help her remember all of the happy times she had! Then I think we would go shopping for mauve colored things!

on Saturday I would spend time with Olga! First i would bring her to my therapist so she can get the help that she needs. Then I think I would introduce her to some of the books that I like and she would do the same thing with me. A book swap!! Then I think we would play with my cats because I know Olga had a cat named Vaska and I myself have 2 cats! Then I think we would go sightseeing and got to different places in Europe because why not! I also would help Olga pull a Taylor swift and write songs about Pavel Voronov. Jk jk!!! And when the day is over I think we would binge watch some mystery movies and eat popcorn and candy while we do that.

and finally on Sunday I would hang out with Anastasia! First i think we would go play some pranks (seriously epic ones!!!). Then i think we would go to a bakery and shove as many pastries as we can into our mouths and spread frosting on our faces. Then i think we would go to a wreck room and smash lots of things (maybe i would take olga along because im sure she has a lot of angry feelings). Then i think we would go do karaoke and hit all of those high notes! And we would also pull an all nighter and play fun silly games!

Thank you for asking me this question because i really liked it!!!!!

[dark-side-blog3]

I play degrees of lewdity! day 2 warning for canon typical violence, noncon, and spoilers

++++

I went into the woods to see if something could interest me. Wenta little far in and heard a wolf howl. FUCK 0x0

++++

I managed to avoid the wolves so now I'm thinking that's only gonna be a problem if you've got beastiality toggled on. Also picked up some arrow heads that I can apparently sell at the museum! And I've got school the next ingame day so now I'm worried how I'm gonna be able to grind and get the cash i need for Bailey while also going to school... There's got to be consequences if you don't go to school, right? Even though this game is focused on fantasy rape? I feel like there are consequences if you don't go to school... Surely...

On the plus side I got hired at the docks for weekends so maybe that'll be good and help me earn some cash!

++++

ROBIN SOLD HER CONSOLE! Is there a way to spot her a bit of cash? :( I took her for a picnic so we had a little bit of fun and didn't end up staying out at night (can you get raped while walking with someone else in this game? Like irl yes but in game? The logic ain't really logic-ing because its a videogame so maybe it cancels out?)

also i found mickey and im trying to get him to purge my records of constant rape from the files and he's kinda weird?

++++

I forgot to save my game file before working at the brothel and I just didn't like it :/

Sooooo I'm going back to my last save which was before school started. I've got to redo all my efforts for classes but whatever :p

++++

Got raped while leaving school. its the cigerette event. Meh :/

++++

ey i am not a catholic but Sydney is amazing. Actually the best character in this game. I hope nothing bad ever happens to him and I will fight for this :) <3 What a wholesome guy.

AH sydney just asked what it means when people flirt with him. I know he's a grown man and can technically engage if he wants but he's so innocent I can't tell him the truth... I comforted him :')

++++

Loft discovered and exams passed eyyyyyy very good

++++

I got raped and they stole my skirt and panties! I tried to walk to the store to buy more clothes but I got accosted on the beach! My character ended up passing out from the pain. When i woke up a different group has stolen the rest of my clothes and collared me, and hypnotised my character to strip instead of concealing any exposed skin, which has six different body-writing phrases!

Fuck!

++++

Robin has confessed that she feels like Bailey is unreasonable :( poor girl.

++++

ROBINS AT THE DOCKS?!?!?!?! SHE COULDN'T AFFORD TO PAY!

Im gonna save here incase i change my mind.

attempted to fight: Lost. Badly. Afterwards, got tossed into the sea without my clothes, got exposure, passed out, woke up with the feat "Alluring" achieved. Robin is still on the boat. proceed to get raped as soon as i wake up again. This is going to be struck from my record.

attempt to take robins place: She's successfully back on shore, I got tossed overboard while stripped and passed out again. Dolphin merfolk played with me though so I stopped being stressed. Swam to shore, and somehow it made my character less stressed. Got swept out to sea. ended up getting picked up by a boat and getting raped, but not by the same people as before. Fuckers tossed me overboard afterwards. Got beat up immidietly afterwards too by another gang of rapists. Robin better be as loyal as a dog to my character after this.

Had just enough energy to go get shackles removed at museum. and woke up in the hospital with doctor harper again. I am now supposed to go to therapy every Friday at the hospital. And I've now been arrested by the police, and am preforming five days of community service.

I took Robin to the hospital. I swear, Robin better be worth all the torment I went through. And there better be a DAMN good reason I have to drag Robin to the hospital after I literally passed out from pain and had to be carried in on a stretcher.

+++++++

Robin has not infact helped at all and has been somewhat useless.

++++

had consensual sex with a guy and it was actually so sweet <3 Askd him to wear a condom for oral sex and he did and he gave praise the whole time, what a sweet guy <3

++++

SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY ROOM WHILE I WAS GONE AND NOW MY PANTIES ARE MISSING???? WHAT THE HELL-- its got to be someone bailey approved of because he's canonically thrown a pervert out when they don't have a reason to be perving in the orphanage, but also??? I've been paying bailey, I've never missed a payment, and I've never fought him. Why??? Is it Kylar?

++++

I am in therapy w/harper, and he wants to hypnotize me. This feels like its about to go horribly wrong. It doesn't tell me what it is exactly when i overwhelmed, so I'm going to have to try really hard to keep my stress down!

++++

Aight I am making another save file with robin cuz i actually really like this timeline even though robin is useless

Also the cream buns are so good that whats his name (sam?) is buying the store next to it, which is great... Except for the fact that this is how i grind out the most cash. And I decided to take on robins debt like a moron.

++++

Kylar is stalking me. Confirmed because something was watching me since i left the house, and I saw him do that horror movie trope with the bus at nightinggale street.

But also i might restart the save because despite taking robins debit robin isn't at school. I'm not paying extra if shes not even here :/

Ah but a quick look at the reddit says this is normal, robin is just getting the fuck beat out of them. Well... Aint nothing I can do about that now.

+++

Got raped while trying to break into houses, and got raped on my way to the hospital for after pills :/

+++

My character is getting raped by rando's so much I'm bored reading the chats and I'm bored documeting them. I'll add anything of note. Like whatever the fuck is up with the mommy kink ginger sewer woman. Did not enjoy that. I am into mommy/daddy stuff within reason, and this was far outside of it.

+++

GOT RAPED AND WE KNOW WHAT HARPER HYPNOITSED ME FOR!! My character now gets aroused with painal, and smacking other peoples asses.

+++

" You chat with Sydney. "No one else has made such an effort to get to know me like this. Not in a long time, at least. I appreciate it." He holds up his holy pendant, kisses it, and places it against your forehead. "Blessings." | - Trauma" UWAAAHHHHH uwahhahanannannmmamammhpmmmhmmmmmmmwuaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh I WOULD DIE FOR SYDNEY ;A; Like the cross thing is... a tiny bit uncomfy, but its known he is such a sweetheart and no one wants to talk to him??? uwahhhhh poor boooyyy..... (I've had some bad run ins with various religious students who were super religious so when I say this crucifix use is a nice one TRUST me its so sweet because I know what threating crucifix use is). SYDNEY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SWEET DARLING (platonic)

+++

HARPER PUT ME IN THE ASYULM?!?!?!?!?! HE KIDNAPPED ME! AM I IN A SOFTLOCK?! WHAT ABOUT BAILEY?! I HAVEN'T PAID HIM! HARPER KIDNAPPED ME?!?!?!?!?

I'M GOING TO LOOSE MY FUCKING MIND OAOAOBQGOAFACEQWRAGW

[udon-udon]

-has a day off- -naps for most for it- 

honestly i’m feeling very overwhelmed this month, i got a dentist appointment today as well (which i am always deathly afraid of and i know i have a cavity, so theyre going to chew me out on that too...) and said cavity will result in me needing to go back to the dentists again to have it fixed, I have a couple of doctors appointments upcoming as well, I have a few birthday dinners to go to (which i kind of dont even want to plan tbh) and then i have my visual novel writing to worry about which is worrying me a lot cause im midkey not feeling this year’s and the pressure (that i’m putting on myself) makes me want to procrastinate on it and man i just dont have a clear vision for it/think that this year’s game might be a let down for a lot of people which sucks. I mean i guess i could... rethink it and re-write it but also at the same time, do i have time for that... 

i haven’t been drawing as well, and if you’ve read my previous text posts, inspiration/motivation has been hitting me so much lately but i can’t cause i have to focus on writing to get writing done on time;;; UGHGHGHG so i’ve been holding back on that. My period didn’t come in September (and not yet for October), so idk I feel like i’m forever PMS-ing until i bleed TMI oops. And said PMS is making me think sad thots from time to time so that Sucks.

I also feel kind of disconnected with people and kind of holing myself, though i dont have many people to talk to in the first place tbh;;;; so idk i guess i’ve been feeling more lonely than usual (thanks PMS) (but also that doesn’t mean i want to talk to necessarily anyone). Most of my closer friends have been really busy so it’s just been kind of quiet. I might stream this coming Friday with a just chatting stream/just working stream cause I kinda miss streaming (and hope to god i can multitask, even though i know i can’t multitask). I’m also most likely going to do a birthday stream where I just doodle and draw maybe? stay tuned for that i guess

and also work has just been.... ok. as always i feel like i’m not contributing or doing a good job but here i am 🤪 also i feel like my performance has not been the best lately and idk i’m afraid to hear it hahahahhaha

I just can’t wait until the visual novel is done with in December (which is god damn, the first ((or well, actually i kind of felt like this when I wrote Love Goes Toward Love as well, but i feel like this year even more so))). I won’t be taking winter commissions this year as im just gonna CHILL and draw the things i’ve wanted to draw or play some games idk, I JUST WANT TO CHILL, this past year has been pretty hectic, I stressed about the last few months of school, graduated, got a job, was really busy in the summer with commissions and cons, so yah.

thank you for listening to my ted talk 

[elliottexists]

so im convinced that the announcement happening on friday 28th on blue peter will be a doctor who confidential reboot and heres why

1. david tennant already confirmed at a convention that there was some kind of behind the scenes filming going on during the 60th anniversary filming. whether thats just some extra content for the 60th or the start of a new series of confidential, we dont know but either way im excited.

2. this week the official doctor who youtube channel has posted 2 dw confidential clips both of which have been from david tennants era. this could be to get people interested in behind the scenes videos again or maybe remind people that confidential existed or it could be a little hint because the dw team like doing that sort of thing.

3. dw confidential first aired when russel t davies was showrunner and as hes returning it would make perfect sense for him to bring back some of what he did back in 2005.

4. blue peter is a really good place for this to be announced as its a good way to introduce kids back into doctor who because we all know that rn doctor who doesnt really have much of an ethusiastic young audience as its pretty much fallen out of the public eye completely. also if you think about the demographic for blue peter its very much aimed at kids who are still young but old enough to get involved in things like doctor who so i think itll work really well in restoring that younger audience again.

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3025

good news!

no pin, surgery, or second cast needed! i have a brace now that i can take off so i can wash the sock and my hands.

bad news is the same rules apply. it's still definitely broken. but better news is that breaks like this often heal with no problem in a brace like this. so that's good.

also i'm decidedly sick. we're going to the doctor in the morning for that.

my shoulder appointment got moved to friday, so i'll learn about that then, but in the meantime i wanted to get my physical therapist some flowers to say thank you because her last day is thursday and i won't know until after that. so i got her some flowers and a lil balloon and brought them to her as a thank you gift. she's been really awesome and i've appreciated her kindness and hard work as we've worked on strengthening my shoulder over the past month and a half. she's been great and i wanted to thank her, so flowers.

we came home after going to the doctor and finding flowers and bringing them to lucy. we also went to get lunch, and after that i took a nap. mom has finally learned that when i need sleep, i need sleep. it only took me breaking my hand for her to figure out that i'm not fucking kidding.

after nap i had dinner and watched tv and helped a student and now it's sleep time and im ready to pass out for a thousand years. but i still have to figure out how to get places this weekend. like the movies. how get there. sheesh.

because the same rules apply, i can't drive. which sucks. a lot. i just wanna see joel and go places by myself again. fuuuuuuck.

[jamarrseternalsunshine]

a. bad. bitch. is. back.

a lil update: after the traumatizing event of sexual assault that happened on friday, i was sent to the hospital on tuesday due to my mental health going to shit (@wickedfun9 is going to eat me up about this post bc posting ab mental health on tumblr isnt always good!) and i have a disorder that’s based on trauma. im happy to say that. bitch is free now & she’s getting the help she needs mentally.

i wanna thank the anon that checked up on me, my pookie bear for helping me through everything from literally finding me crying and also calling 911 for me & my family back home for flying in from my hometown to check on me as well.

getting mental help isn’t the easiest thing to do, but once you admit you need help and you get it, it’s easier to get through day by day 🩵.

i do have my phone back so i will be responding to asks right now until i fall asleep (pookie bear is literally mad as fuck bc i wont go to sleep just yet) which will probably be later bc my ass is traumatized and i literally seen someone half naked in a psych ward and a doctor told my family & pookie bear that it wouldn’t be the safest place for me to stay.

thank you all for being here for me through this tough time of mine, ask your questions now so i can respond and then the ones i dont answer will be answered later on today.

i love you all so much & please if you need help, get the help and dont be like me and deny that you need help 🩵

[hessofather]

Chapter Two- September 17, 1999

A/N: So this is a story of the day I was born. AKA a national holiday. I’d like to mention that if you’re having trouble following along with any of my sentences, try reading it with a southern twang. It’ll make sense after that.

Picture it, it’s a lovely Friday in 1999. The sun is shining, the internet isn’t as awful yet and the twin towers are untouched. My mother, we’ll call her Becky, and my father, Willy Jr, are just hanging. My father smoking weed and my mother probably sitting 4 feet away because second hand smoke is just a government facade meant to keep us distracted from the REAL issues. Aka, lizard people and the Mexicans. My mother realizes she’s been having way too many of those “Braxton hicks” contractions, which are also a government lie. They are probably sending signals to the baby to make it one of those queers, and that’s what she’s feeling.

“Willy I think it’s time.” My mom informs my father who is currently 3 blunts deep and flying to the moon. “Well shit guess we need to let people know.” Willy says while rolling another blunt and sticking it in his pocket. “One for the road.” They hop in their car and head to the hospital, “It’s too early! This thing wasn’t due for another 3 weeks god damnit! I didn’t even get my baby shower yet!” Already I’m stealing my moms thunder and she’s pissed.

“Where the fuck are we going?!” my mom asks my father as they turn down a country road with the bad train tracks instead of going to the highway with the good train tracks. “I gotta pick up Tom.” My dad says annoyed and like my mom should have definitely anticipated this. “YOU ARE STOPPING TO PICK UP TOM?! IM IN FUCKING LABOR YOU DUMBASS!” If she wasn’t in so much pain she would have throat punched Willy by now. Throat punching being her signature move.

“Well yeah, don’t worry I have a plan. Plus he’s my best friend and needs a ride. Don’t be so selfish.” Again, my dad was lucky she was in pain, because she might have ended his life right then and there. They pull up to Toms house, sit and wait for him to come out. About ten minutes later, Tom comes out with that stupid fucking grin and red eyes. He too, is on the moon. “Hey guys. Thanks for the ride. I packed a couple blunts to celebrate when she’s done pushin the kid out.”

My dad finally gets my mom to the hospital. “You go in I’ll park the car.” My dad says, “Tom you stay with me I have a plan I gotta tell you.” My mom makes her way into the hospital while imagining my fathers slow and painful death she will be ensuing on him later. She finally gets put in a room when Willy and Tom come strolling in, smelling like skunk ass on a hot July afternoon in Texas. “Celebrating a little early don’t you think?” My mom asks gritting her teeth and flaring her nostrils. “You’ll be fine! Might as well celebrate the whole occasion!” My dad says.

My grandma and grandpa arrive. My mom dreading having to deal with her mother when she’s already feeling like dying. Like the secret fucking service Willy and Tom assemble. My grandma hates Tom. Tom laces his arm with hers and walks her out saying, “I need a smoke, come on. Hey have I ever told you the story of my ex wife who tried to kill me? No? Well let me do the honors!” Tom knew what his job was and he intended on making his buddy Willy proud. “I think I’ll follow, I could use a smoke too.” My grandpa grunts out slowly heading in the same direction that Tom and Grandma went.

“Ok you’ll live another day for that.” My mom says to Willy. “I told him to not even take a breath in between sentences.” Willy says proudly. Becky figures maybe it’s not so bad having Tom here if that means he’s going to keep her mother out of the way the whole time.

Becky is moving along really fast in this whole labor process. The doctor isn’t even here yet and the nurses say there’s not enough time to give an epidural. Fuck those nurses. They’ve only been at the hospital for about an hour and a half when on of the nurses informs my mother that she’s fully dilated. They told her she couldn’t push yet because the doctor just arrived and isn’t fully in his scrubs yet. “FUCK YOU IM PUSHING.” My mom yells, “WILLY GET DOWN THERE AND CATCH.” A few pushes later and the doctor runs in yelling “STOP” my mother yelled back “IM PUSHING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT StEpHeN!!” She really hisses out his name to make sure he knows he has a stupid first name and that she will do as she pleases. One more push and my dad catches me while the doctor swoops in to intercept. It’s a touchdown. The crowd goes wild.

I basically come out doing jazz hands and announcing to the world that I’m here, I’m queer, and I’m going to be a menace to society. Guess those government rays worked. They get me all cleaned up and give me to my mother. She starts to sob and says “Some day you’re going to have to do this too. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry you’re a girl.” She hates that she knows about the world she brought me into and even worse, she hates that she brought a sweet little girl into the world that will most definitely use and destroy her. She wishes I was a boy.

“What’s her name?” A nurse asks trying to fill out some paperwork. “Ah shit, ain’t thought that far.” My mother grunts out looking down at me. She noticed that I kind of reminded her of her childhood best friend who had curly blonde hair and a sweet smile. “Tia” she says smiling. “And a middle name?” The nurse asks. “Damn it I thought I was done. Well we made her in Cheyenne Wyoming last January so let’s go with Cheyenne.” My mother says, think to herself that that’s definitely not going to haunt me for the rest of my life.

My grandparents are finally allowed in the room. To this day my grandpa says I looked up and him and smiled because I knew I had him wrapped around my finger. I believe his story because he is still, to this day, wrapped around my finger and would do anything for me. “I don’t want to hear one more word out of toms fucking mouth.” My grandma bitches at my mom. Tom did his duty. Tom is smiling in the corner of the room with my dad. Both of which have gone from being on the moon to being in a completely different universe. They put those blunts to good use. “Only two hours from start to finish? Jesus Becky what does that say about you? Your cooter must’ve already been pretty loose for her to just slip and slide right out.” My grandma tells my mom. “I think she was just ready to come out and fight.” My mom says, imagining the hell her baby girl is going to give some guy someday.

I’m not sure why exactly, but when I was born I had purple bruising/banding around my eyes that made me look like a raccoon. So for the first few days of my life my grandpa would call me “raccoon kid” totally not understanding why it made people uncomfortable. After he realized he decided to switch my nickname to “lacota” which he claims is native language for “the people” because I am “his people.” I find it to be a sweet gesture until my brothers tell me later in life, that it actually means “buffalo”, to this day I don’t know who’s lying. My brothers also told me they were promised a puppy after their family trip to Cheyenne and got me instead.

Considering the fact that the day I was born was such a white trash rollercoaster, pretty much sealed my fate that the rest of my life would in fact, be a white trash rollercoaster. I haven’t decided if being born was the best thing to ever happen to the world or the worst. Either way, it happened and I’m still doing jazz hands and exclaiming to the world that I’m here, I’m queer, and that the government gay rays worked. This story is much more light hearted than some of the ones to come but I decided it was necessary to hear how I shot out into the world ready to fight.