#im really determined to see it through though bc its good so far. and also everyone keeps saying that

[joeymets]

i really wanna stay up later and read and maybe even talk to ppl but like im starting to get a headache lmao to bed with me

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

cats and babies

This is the first piece I’ve ever written so if anyone sees this be nice pls and thank u

There could be typos/ weird formatting, this was typed entirely on my phone

I also feel the need to say all of my medical knowledge is from Grey’s anatomy and googling things I saw on grey’s anatomy so this is probably not that accurate ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

Word count: 6,160

Warnings: Car accidents, blood, angst (but with a v happy ending ofc bc sad endings are Not For Me), hospitals/medical stuff, again a very happy ending, I would like to emphasize the happy ending so no one gets scared away from reading this, did I mention there’s a happy ending?

"So, what'd'ya say? Chinese?"

They were deciding where to go for dinner after a long day of touring their favorite art museums. Harry and Y/N had been dating about two years now, and (cheesy as it sounds) they loved each other more and more every day. 

"Chinese sounds great," Y/N smiled, glancing over at Harry. The golden sun reflected off his curls, making him look absolutely angelic. 

He smiled, which turned into a chuckle, which turned into full blown laughter. She was confused. "What is it?" What's so hilariou- eyes on the road!!" 

"Sorry, sorry," he laughed. "Nothing, just- do you-" he breathed slowly, calming down a bit. "Do you remember the first time we had Chinese food? She blushed, laughing with him at the memory. 

Their first date had been... disastrous, to say the least. They had both been nervous, but both trying to act confident. They had decided on a nice, fancy, black tie restaurant, and Y/N was excited. When he picked her up in a limousine, she was hardly unable to contain herself.

However, their plan fell apart almost from the beginning. When they got to the place, a big red sign read "CLOSED FOR REPAIRS"

"Ooook... that's... weird," Y/N had grimaced. "What should we do now?" 

"Uh... we could... try the one a few blocks over? Yeah, that's a good place too, I know the owner. He always has a table for me. That'll work!"

Y/N hasn't quite cared about the wrench thrown into their plans. She really liked Harry so far, and she though he liked her too. So she chirped "Sure! Sounds great."

She hadn't noticed how embarrassed he looked when he opened the car door for her. He couldn't believe his luck! He was finally on a date with a girl he really liked, really wanted to impress, and the best restaurant in town closed with no notice? How could this happen? But he shook it off, climbing in after her and alerting the driver of their change of plans. 

When they got to the next place, Harry immediately got worried. It looked very crowded, and while the owner usually held a table for Harry, it didn't seem so tonight. 

He pulled out his phone.

"Hey, Luke! Yeah, I'm great! Listen, do you by any chance have a table-" He paused, and then his face fell. His voice kept its happy tone, though. "No, no problem at all, I understand. Yeah, for sure, a different night. Thank you!" He hung up, looking more than a little dejected. 

Y/N put a hand on his arm. "It's ok, I promise. I swear I didn't just agree to go out with you for the fancy food. We can go anywhere, 'Im really not upset!" 

"Agh, thank you. You're very sweet. But really, you deserve a fancy place. Only it seems everyone in the world is determined to make sure we don't get to do that," He huffed. "Maybe..." And he pulled out his phone again. He glanced at her curious face. "How do you feel about Chinese?" He asked sheepishly.

  Y/N beamed. "I love it," and there was no trace of insincerity on her face. 

"Right then, Chinese it is!" he found the closest place on his phone, telling the driver the address.

After a few minutes of eating, Y/N looked around the table for a fork. She could handle big foods, like the chicken, with the chopsticks, but definitely not the rice. 

Harry asked what she needed. She was a bit embarrassed to tell him she wasn't good enough with chopsticks to eat her rice, but he was kind about it. He helped show her how to use them without making too big of a mess. Still, she dropped half her plate on a napkin in her lap. 

At the end of their meal, Y/N burst out laughing when she picked up her napkin. Harry looked at her, confused, until she placed what was basically a full serving of rice on the table. He was also unable to contain his laughter, to which Y/N responded by throwing a few grains of rice at him. 

He threw a balled up napkin at her, and she blew a straw wrapper in his face. This escalated until she splashed what was left of her water glass on him. There was stunned silence for a moment, and Y/N thought she went too far. Then he looked at her and burst into laughter. She sighed in relief, laughing with him. "I'm sorry, that was too much," but she couldn't keep the smile off her face at the sight of the water dripping down his face.

"A little water never hurt anyone," he said, his eyes twinkling as he splashed her with his own water. 

Y/N was pulled from the happy memory of their first date when the car skidded on the ice. 

"Careful... if I'd known it was this slippery we'd have found a closer place," she said nervously.

"Nah, we've talked about this, the only good place is the one two towns over. I understand you love Minnesota and all but it is NOT the best place to find good Chinese food," he smirked.

"I will not have this Minnesota slander, not in this house. Maybe you're the issue, with your sophisticated taste and all," Y/N said, laughing at his disgruntled look. "Sophisticated? I took you for Chinese food on our first date. Nothing about that screams "sophisticated" to me." 

"Yeah, but we were dressed VERY fancy. That counts," Y/N laughed. 

"Oh really? that's what makes me sophisticated? alright then, you're right, I'm, extremely-" 

The car slid just a little too far for Y/N's liking. 

"Harry, are you sure it's safe to be driving on this? I think it's getting worse, and- look, it's starting to rain." She checked the weather on her phone. "Yeah, it's at that weird temperature where it's halfway freezing. The road will be worse on the way back." 

"I think we're ok," He reassured her. "The car has 4 wheel drive, and I'll go slow. I think the biggest danger is us not getting our Chinese food," he smiled at her. "Uh, no," Y/N said, rolling her eyes. "I'd say the biggest danger is crashing and dying in a firey car wreck." 

"Always so negative, Y/N," Harry laughed. "We're perfectly fine-" he spoke too soon, because right then the car slid again. A lot, this time. They almost slid right through a stop sign. 

Y/N clutched the armrest. 

"We're almost there, you better not kill me before I get my Chinese food, Styles. I finally know how to eat rice with chopsticks without..." She stopped halfway through her sentence because she was laughing so hard. "Without... dropping all of it on my lap." 

They dissolved into giggles, especially when Harry said, "got any more water to throw at me?" 

The car slid once more, and Y/N felt her pocket nervously. She had bought a ring for Harry. It was nothing too special, but it was the one year anniversary of the first time they had gone to an art museum together. She wanted to commemorate that with something special, so she had gone to the museum gift shop and found the perfect ring. It had a silver band, a little thinner than the rest of his, and a labradorite stone set into it. She thought it would complement his other jewelry nicely. 

She kept her hand on the little box in her pocket, careful not to make Harry suspicious. 

He wasn't looking at her, though; he was completely focused on the road. His hands gripped the wheel hard enough to turn his knuckles white. Y/N felt a little more nervous seeing this. Harry was an excellent driver, and he usually had one hand on the wheel and the other holding hers. He only gripped the wheel this tightly when he felt unsafe driving. 

Y/N looked out at the darkening sky. She was not a fan of storms, especially ones that make the roads icy. Like a true Minnesotan, she knew that under the right circumstances, a bit of rain could make it nearly impossible to drive.

A car sped past them, almost veering into their lane when it went over a particularly icy patch. 

"Harry, really, I don't know if we should keep going," Y/N said nervously.

"I know, but I'm not sure what we should do. I think it's safer to just keep going and hope the rain stops. We're about 10 minutes away, but if we turn around it's almost a 2 hour drive." 

"Yeah... you're right. It's better to just keep going. Just... go slow," Y/N said, biting the inside of her cheek. 

"Stop doing that," Harry chided in a singsong voice. 

"How can you even tell? you weren't even looking at me," Y/N laughed. 

"I know how you are when you're nervous, Y/N. Biting your cheek won't do anything but hurt." 

Y/N smiled. She had never had someone care this much about her. Someone who knew her this well, almost better than she knew herself. She was so hopelessly in love... 

She was so busy thinking about what she would say when she gave him the ring that she didn't hear the horn blaring. She looked up just in time to see the truck driving straight down the middle of the road towards them. 

She could tell instantly the driver of the truck couldn't do anything. He was sliding on the ice like they had before. Harry jerked the wheel to the right, moving the car out of the way. 

It wasn't enough.

Y/N heard a horribly loud crashing noise, and then there was nothing. 

Y/N shot straight up out of the bed she was in, gasping. Someone put their hands on her shoulders, trying to soothe her and get her to lay back down. She pushed the hands away as her vision came into focus. She was in a room filled with people and noise and 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦.

She panicked for a minute before she realized where she was. Clearly an Emergency Room. There were 4 doctors and nurses around her, checking her eyes, ears, reflexes, pulse, breathing. She threw her arms out to try and get some space. One of the nurses caught her hand, holding it in both of hers. 

"Y/N, you're alright. You're in the hospital. You were in a car accident. Do you have any pain? Whe-"

"Harry! Where's Harry?? I need to see him, I have to, I have to go-" She stuttered as she pushed the doctors away from her, trying to get up again.

  The same nurse held her back.

"Y/N, we need to make sure you're ok before you can get up. If you let us help, you'll be able to see Harry sooner. Can you lay back? Do you have any pain?"

  "No, no I'm fine, I'm ok! I need to see Harry, I need to know if he's ok! Please!" Y/N looked frantically around at the doctors, hoping one of them knew something. 

The doctor who appeared to be in charge ordered, "Someone go get an update on the guy they brought in with her. See how he's doing." 

"Thank you, thank you so much," Y/N breathed, finally laying back. 

"There we go. Do you have any pain Y/N?" The nurse asked again. 

"No, I'm totally fine. I'm- " Y/N brushed her hair out of her face. When are brought her arm down, she saw that her hand was covered in blood. "I'm bleeding!" She cried, panicking. 

"It's ok, it's not too bad," one of the doctors said, examining her head. "It looks like it'll need maybe 5 or 6 stitches. We can fix that up right away." 

Y/N closed her eyes. How had this happened? Harry moved the wheel, she knew he did. How had they crashed this badly? 

The doctor who had been sent to check on Harry came back into the room. Y/N snapped her eyes open, looking at her expectantly.

"He is stable. That's the important thing right now. However, he's been pretty badly injured. He broke his femur and clavicle. He has a small brain bleed, and he is covered in cuts from the glass. He's also pretty bruised from the airbag and seatbelt. He is intubated, because he was having some trouble breathing. He might need surgery to repair the brain bleed, but right now they're waiting and hoping it will get better on it's own." 

Y/N exhaled. "But... he's ok? I mean... he's alive?" 

The doctor smiled. "Yes. He's doing ok." 

Y/N finally allowed herself to breathe. She noticed she was crying but she didn't do anything to wipe her tears away. 

"Ok, Y/N," said the doctor stitching up her face. "I'm finished here. You need to stay here for a little while longer so we can monitor you. There is an IV in your arm to keep you hydrated. If you need anything, call for a nurse. Also, and this is important, don't get out of this bed without someone helping you. You've been through a lot today, but the adrenaline is wearing off, which might make you feel shaky. Do you need anything right now?" 

"No, I'm... I'm fine. Thank you," Y/N said, wiping her eyes. 

After he left her bed, she felt her pocket. She breathed a sigh of relief when she felt the ring still there. Then she mentally kicked herself for being worried about a silly ring when Harry was... no. She wouldn't let herself think that. Harry was 𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦. They were both alive, and they were both ok.

About an hour later, a nurse came in. After confirming that she felt totally fine, Y/N anxiously asked when she could see Harry. 

"I'm sorry, the ICU is family only," The nurse said. She really did look sorry, but this did nothing to make Y/N feel better. 

"I- I'm his wife!" Y/N said quickly, not even thinking. She most definitely was 𝘯𝘰𝘵 his wife. She wasn't even his fiancee. She slipped the ring from her pocket onto her finger, then held up her hand to the nurse. 

The nurse pretended not to notice the fact that the ring hadn't been there before, and that the ring was easily a size too big. "Oh! Then of course you can see him," She said, helping Y/N off the bed slowly. "I'll take you to his room." 

"Thank you so much," Y/N said, taking her first few steps slowly. 

"Careful- you're still attached to this IV pole," The nurse said, adjusting the tubing so it wasn't in her way. "You can hold onto it for support- yes, just like that." 

Y/N got more nervous with every step towards Harry's room. What would he look like? Would he be in pain? Would he know who she was? Would he... be mad at her? 

When she walked into his room, she almost started crying all over again. He looked, well, awful. He was covered in cuts and bruises. He had several tubes and wires connected to him, as well as a large tube taped in his mouth. He had a cast on his leg and a sling on his arm.

Y/N looked at the nurse who was taking his vitals. 

"How is he?" She asked in a small voice. 

"He's ok for now. He is stable, which is very good. He's unconscious, but we hope to see him wake up soon. You can sit with him, hold his hand, talk to him. If you need anything, just press the call button." 

She left, leaving Y/N and Harry alone. This time, she really did start crying. This was awful, and it was all her fault. She was the one who wanted to go for Chinese food. She was the one who picked today, the first wintery stormy day of the year to go for a long drive. And now.. 

"Harry... Harry I'm so sorry," Y/N said, sniffling. She held onto his hand, the one that wasn't attached to a broken collarbone.  "This is all my fault, and now you're... and I got off with nothing but a cut on my forehead, and it's not fair and I'm so sorry," She let out a sob. 

She continued on like this, crying and talking and crying some more, for a few hours, before she fell asleep in the chair next to him. She woke up around 9 the next morning with a stiff next and puffy eyes. She looked at his face, still covered in bruises, and kissed his hand. The nurse came in to check on him and told Y/N to go get some breakfast, reminding her that she couldn't care for Harry if she didn't care for herself. Y/N reluctantly agreed, going as fast as she could. The nurse had disconnected her IV sometime in the night, and she could move much faster without it. 

She got back to the room with her bagel and resumed her position in the chair right next to Harry. She talked to him as if he was awake, imagining she heard his beautiful voice responding to her. 

She had managed to keep the crying to a minimum today. She kept telling herself that if- no, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 Harry woke up, she didn't want to look like a monster with red eyes. 

Her phone had been found by some paramedics, so she found Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone online and began to read to him. It was a little weird, but Harry loved these books, especially when he was sick.

Y/N was used to just imagining she heard his voice with her in the room, but suddenly she heard something that wasn't her. She gasped. 

"He's choking!! Nurse!!" She yelled for help, frantically pushing the call button. "Help!" 

Several nurses rushed in. One ushered Y/N back and out of the room, telling her to give them space to work. 

"What's- What's happening? What are they doing??" Y/N tried to go back in, but the nurse held her shoulders. 

"He's trying to breathe over the tube, Y/N. That's a very good sign. It means he's breathing on his own," The nurse said, trying to keep Y/N calm. 

"Does- does that mean he's waking up?" Y/N asked, not wanting to get her hopes up. 

"Not for sure, but it's a very good sign."

After a few minutes, the nurses came out of Harry's room, looking excited. "Y/N, he's awake! He's very groggy and can't speak yet, but he is definitely awake. You can go in and sit with him again if you'd like. We gave him some more medicine for the pain, so you have about 15 minutes to talk before he starts going a little..." She made a swirling motion next to her head. 

Y/N didn't care if he was high on morphine. She just cared that he was alive and awake and didn't... hate her. 

Harry was laying in the bed, looking at her with great concern in his tired eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, but no noise came out. Y/N rushed over to take his hand. 

"It's ok, they said you might not be able to talk for a little while yet. It's ok, I'm here, it's ok," Y/N said, smoothing his hair. 

Harry cleared his throat, coughing. He gestured toward the water cup on his side table. 

"Oh, of course." Y/N picked up the pitcher and poured him a glass, setting it in his good hand. 

He raised the straw shakily to his lips as   Y/N watched carefully to make sure he didn't spill. She gently lifted the cup out of his hands when he held it up to her.

His small smile was enough to make Y/N cry all over again.

"Oh, Harry," She cried, holding her head in her hands. "It's all my fault. I'm so sorry this happened, I did this to you- you almost died!" 

"W-what?"

Y/N whipped her head up. "You can talk?" She said, overjoyed.

Harry coughed and spoke again. "Of course I can talk." 

His voice was rough and it sounded like it hurt everytime he spoke, but it was the most beautiful thing Y/N had ever heard. 

"What are you talking about, it's all your fault?" He rasped, looking utterly confused. "What even happened?" 

With tears leaking from her eyes, Y/N explained all she knew, which still wasn't much. Harry remembered everything as she told him, both their eyes watering as her voice shook.

"Why... why're you crying? Does your forehead hurt? I can call the nurse..." He reached for the call button.

"No, no, I'm ok," She took his hand in hers. "I'm just so sorry, because it honestly is my fault, I'm the one who wanted Chinese food and picked 𝘵𝘰𝘥𝘢𝘺 of all days to drive 2 hours away and-" 

He cut her off by raising his finger to her lips. 

"It's not your fault... it's mine. I'm the one who convinced you the only good Chinese food is so far away and I'm the one who was driving. I couldn't keep you safe..." 

Harry had never looked so sad. 

"No!" Y/N exclaimed. "Do you not see me right now? I'm absolutely fine, you did keep me safe. You swerved out of the way... wait a minute," She paused, realization hitting her. "You didn't think we could avoid the truck at all, did you? You knew it would hit us either way, but you made sure it would hit as far from me as possible." 

Harry looked down. "I figured you're more important than me, I had to do what I could."

"Harry Styles!" Y/N whisper-yelled. "If you weren't so 𝘪𝘯𝘫𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘥 I would 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘤𝘬 you right now! How could you do that? How could you put yourself in 𝘥𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘳 like that?" 

"Oh, that's actually why I got so injured, because I knew you'd try to hit me for this," He smiled charmingly at Y/N. She just scowled. 

"Did you really expect me to just say, "oh well, guess she's a goner! bye Y/N! nice knowin' ya!" No, of course not. Of course I'd put myself in danger for you. Always." 

Y/N's lip trembled. "Why do you have to be so romantic after you do such stupid things? it makes it really hard to stay mad at you," She said, wiping her eyes. 

"Yeah, that was the goal there," He laughed. 

Then he caught sight of the ring on her finger.

"That's pretty, when did you get that?" He mock gasped. "Did you get engaged while I was in a coma?" 

“No," Y/N laughed. "It's funny actually. I bought it from the museum gift shop. I wanted to give it to you as a present, for the anniversary of the first time we went there together. I was going to give it to you over Chinese food, and it was going to be 𝘢𝘸𝘦𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 and 𝘯𝘰𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘨𝘪𝘤 and 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭." 

Harry smiled. "That's lovely of you, darling. Why... why's it on your finger though?" 

"Oh! right." Y/N sheepishly pulled the ring off her finger. "They wouldn't let me see you because I'm not family, so I threw it on and said we were married," She said, blushing furiously. "Sorry about that." 

Harry smiled. "Why are you sorry?" 

"Um... we're 𝘯𝘰𝘵 married... so... I don't know, I just thought you might think it's weird, or, something..."  Y/N finished lamely. She held the ring out to him. 

"Happy anniversary." 

"Why don't you keep it?" 

"Right, of course, you don't need a reminder of this day," Y/N slipped the ring back into her pocket, on the verge of tears because she messed up 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯.

"No, that's not... I meant, why don't you keep it... on your finger?" 

She pulled the ring out of her pocket again, looking confused. "Why?" 

Harry plucked it out of her hand, holding it up to her. "Because I want you to marry me," He said, slipping it onto her finger with the sweetest smile she had ever seen. 

Y/N smiled at him. "It's ok, Harry, you're very high on all the painkillers right now. I won't hold you to anything you say," She laughed a little. 

"I'm not... why would I be on painkiller... oh yeah," Harry grinned, looking around. "I remember why I'm high right now." 

"Riiight." 

"I might be high, but I still want to marry you," he said is a singsong voice. 

Y/N laughed. "Harry, why don't we talk about this when you're sober, ok?"

Harry pouted. "Please? Please marry me? I love you, and you're so pretty, and you're so nice to animals..." He started crying, apparently at how nice Y/N was to animals. "And... a cat! We can get a cat together!" 

"Harry, baby, don't cry, of course we can get a cat," She gently wiped the tears from his bruised face. 

"I won't stop crying until you say you'll marry me," Harry said defiantly, gripping    Y/N's arm. "Pleeeaaase?" 

"Ok, Harry, yes, I will marry you. Sure. You can stop crying now, ok?" 

"That's good, I'm glad, because you're my favorite person, and I looooove you, and you're my baaaaby..." 

At this point Harry was just singing random words, usually circling back to "baaaaby" and "looooove youuuu". 

Y/N felt happy for the first time in what felt like years, while really it had been less than 24 hours. 

Eventually, he wanted to see the ring again. Y/N held up her hand and he gasped. 

"It's so beautiful! I'll buy you a real one though, a real ring for our real wedding. Then we'll get a real house and have real babies, and a real cat," He said, with the dopiest grin Y/N had ever seen. 

"Oh? We'll have babies, huh? How many babies will we have?" 

"3," He answered quickly. "Two girls and a boy. No... 4. Two of each. That way they won't team up one of them." 

"Oh, sounds like you've thought about this a lot," Y/N laughed.

  "Every single day since we started dating, you know why?" 

"Why?" 

He motioned for her to lean closer.

  "Because I looooove you," He sang in her ear.

She pulled back, kissing his swollen cheek. 

"You're a sweetheart," She said affectionately. 

"So're you," He smiled. 

"I kind of like drugged Harry," Y/N laughed. "He's very cute." 

"Drugged Harry also likes drugged Harry, he feels like he's floating." 

"Oh, so drugged Harry talks about himself in the third person?" 

"He does now!" Harry smiled at her again. "Drugged Harry is tired... he's just going to..." 

Then the monitors started beeping rapidly. Several nurses ran in, bustling around and shouting various medical terminology. Another nurse ushered Y/N out of Harry's room for the second time that day. 

"No! No, I need to stay with him! I can't-"

"Shh... it's alright. They're going to do everything they can to help him. You have to let them help him. Why don't we go to the waiting room?"

Y/N exhaled shakily. If she couldn't stay with Harry, she might as well sit instead of hovering around the corner. 

"Yes, let's go to the waiting room," She said, after a few deep breaths. 

Y/N had been sitting on the waiting room for what felt like an eternity, but a glance at her phone told her it had only been 45 minutes. 

A woman in a surgical gown approached her, and Y/N stood up quickly. "What happened?" She asked immediately.

"Unfortunately, your husband's brain bleed did not resolve itself like we had hoped. He is in surgery, and for right now he's doing well," the surgeon said, looking sympathetic. 

"Ok... why did the monitors freak out? Did his heart stop? Is he going to wake up from surgery?" 

"The monitors went off because his heart was having trouble, but they were able to resuscitate him through CPR and defibrillation. It's too soon to know if he will wake up, but the surgeon is hopeful. I will come back to update you as soon as I can."

"Ok, thank you," Y/N said, sinking back into her chair.

  She felt a pain in her chest, like real, actual pain. What would she do without Harry? How would she live with herself, knowing he died trying to save her? 

She caught a glimpse of the ring on her finger and choked back a sob. Would she tell people she was engaged? No, of course not. Harry had been completely out of his mind when he'd asked her. 

She slumped down in her chair, wanting to curl up and cry. Instead, she called her mom. Through her tears, she explained everything that happened. 

"Oh, honey," Her mom sighed. "I'm so sorry. I'm on my way. I'll be there in about 7 hours, I'm sorry it'll take so long. Do you want to stay on the phone with me?"

  "No, I can't," Y/N sniffled. "I have to call Harry's family."

  "Do you want me to do that? I wouldn't mind, they're-"

"No, mom, thank you, but I should. I- I'm going to go. Love you," Y/N said, hanging up the phone. 

Checking her phone, Y/N realized it was the middle of the night in London where Harry's family lived. She didn't think she should wait, so she called Anne without another thought. 

"Oh, Y/N, I'm so sorry. We're getting the soonest flight. We won't be there until tomorrow morning. Will you be alright alone? Is your mother coming?" 

"Yes, my mom's on her way. I'm ok, thank you," Y/N said, rubbing her eyes. 

After she hung up the phone, it set in just how exhausted she was. She had slept poorly the night before, because of the awkwardness of sleeping in a chair and because she was so, so, worried for Harry.

She drifted into a fitful sleep where she dreamed of cars crashing, rings flying around, and Harry standing just out of her reach. He was like a rainbow, the closer she got to him, the more he faded. 

She startled awake and realized there were tears on her face. She checked her phone, seeing that it had only been 3 hours.  

She saw the same woman from before approaching her, this time wearing just scrubs. 

Y/ N stood to meet her. 

"Harry is out of surgery and doing well. We were able to repair the brain bleed. His heart stopped on the table," Y/N gasped at this, "But we were able to get him back. His ribs will be very sore and possibly even broken. All that aside, he is doing well, Mrs. Styles, and you can see him now," She said, Leading Y/N to the elevator. 

Her breath trembled as they walked towards his room. 

Harry was laying in his bed, looking like a fragile child. Even though he was so much bigger than her, right now he seemed so... small. 

Y/N looked at the nurse, asking to sit with him. She nodded and explained that two of his ribs were fractured and his collarbone would hurt him a lot when he woke up. 

Y/N held his hand with a featherlight touch, unwilling to jostle him even the smallest bit. 

After about an hour of her reading to him, she felt a small movement, barely even noticeable. Was it...?

She felt another movement. This time she was sure of it. He was squeezing her hand.

"I'm here Harry, I'm right here," She soothed,  moving her chair closer to him.

  He groaned sleepily before opening his emerald eyes and looking at her.

  "Hi," he smiled, squeezing her hand again. 

"Hi," Y/N said, crying more than a little bit. 

"What... did... are you ok?" Harry's brow furrowed. He seemed to have a hundred questions, but he settled on asking how she was. 

"Yes, Harry, I'm ok. How do you feel?" 

"Hurts," he said, closing his eyes. "But if you're ok, so am I." 

Y/N kissed his hand. "I see drugged Harry is still here? The one that is 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 cute and sweet?" 

"No, he's not. This is just regular Harry. I can tell because everything 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 hurts," He said with a small grimace.

"Oh, I'll get the nurse. They'll give you something," Y/N started to get up, but Harry's grip on her hand tightened. 

"Wait," he said pulling her back to him. "Before they make me go all loopy, I just want to say-" He paused, looking at the ring on her finger. "I love you, to my fiancee. I think it counts more when I'm not high." 

"Your- your fiancee? Harry, I told you I wouldn't hold you to anything you said before. You weren't in your right mind at all, I didn't even think you'd remember saying all that." 

"Yeah, but I remember asking you to marry me and you said yes. You might not be holding me to anything I said, but I'm holding you to that," He grinned. "You really want to deny a dying man his last... dying... wish?" 

Harry flopped his good arm dramatically over his forehead, wincing at the motion. Y/N helped him slowly lower it again. 

"First of all, you're not dying. Secondly, I don't want you to go through with this because you feel obligated, or because you think I'll be upset if you aren't ready to propose. It's totally fine, I promise, but why don't we talk about this when you're feeling better?" 

"No, I feel fine," He insisted.

Y/N gave him a look. "Really? You do? Aren’t you the one who just needed help moving your arm?" 

"Irrelevant. I feel fine, like, mentally. If you don't think you're ready to be engaged to me, that's ok. But don't say no because you think I didn't mean it. I did, with every part of me. I love you, and I want you to be my wife." 

"...Really?" Y/N asked, cheeks heating up.

"Really," Harry smiled. 

"And according to drugged Harry, you want to have a cat and 4 children." 

Harry laughed, wincing immediately.

"Don't make me laugh, my chest really hurts," He said, still holding her hand. 

"Sorry, sorry, they said you have some broken ribs. Also your collarbone. Also your femur. Geez, Styles, you're kind of a mess," You laughed. 

"Yeah, really," He smiled. "But seriously, will you? Will you be my wife?" 

"Of course I will, Harry. I love you so much, of course I will," Y/N said, gently kissing his cheek. 

"Great," Harry beamed at her. "Now that we've worked that out, can you get the nurse? Drugged Harry is ready to make a comeback." 

"Oh, right, sorry," Y/N said, reaching over for the call button. 

The nurse came in, giving Harry more medicine. 

"You'll start to have some relief within a few minutes," She said, leaving them alone again.  

"One more thing Y/N," Harry said. She could already tell he was a little more relaxed. "I have to get you a ring!" 

Y/N smiled, holding up her hand. "I already have one, remember?" 

Harry waved her hand away. "No, no, a bride can't buy her own ring! What kind of... chivalrous... gentleman... would I be if I didn't buy you a beautiful ring?" 

"Ok, Harry, as soon as you get out of here, we'll go ring shopping," Y/N promised. 

"And... to the cat shelter? You said we could get a cat... a kitty, a cat, a little kitty cat..." 

Harry had started singing mumbled words about cats and love and babies. Y/N knew it was going to be a long night. Still, she had never been happier.

[tarrevizsla]

idk if you've talked abt this before but what do you think tarre's feelings/reactions are regarding revan and their actions?

YES oh my god that

im gonna put this under a cut bc. yeah

i set up tarre as being about 500 years before revan in the timeline but their lineage is linked to revan's lineage so they almost blame themself for revan's actions especially when revan takes mandalore's mask, this all comes to a head about 2500 years later when the darksaber and revan's holocron are in the same part of the temple vault

see tarre, like most mando'ade, respects revan - their skill in battle, their strategy and strength, their willingness to sacrifice - but more than that she understands revan, one ex-jedi to another. tarre, more than anyone i think, understands why revan felt the need to go to war against the mandalorians - why they chose to leave the jedi and protect those they considered their people.

but seeing the destruction they brought to mandalore and mandalorians, seeing what revan and the exile did at malachor (mandalore the ultimate wielded the darksaber at malachor), the use of the mass shadow generator... like i said tarre understands revan. she knows the lengths people go to to protect that that they love - she has sacrificed much for justice herself. even so, tarre has never flirted with the dark side in the way that revan does, she's somewhere in the grey area of the force but not on the edge of falling like they were, she wouldn't have made that choice (even at war against the republic or the sith).

and the insult of taking mandalore's mask on top of the use of the msg - she can respect it as a political move, but as a mandalorian (a mandalore) she finds it incredibly rude. just as she understands revan, she knows they understand mandalorians, knows that they know what they've done by taking the mask. this is mitigated slightly when they return the mask to canderous ordo - she always had a soft spot for clan ordo - but it isn't the place of an aruetii to determine who gets mandalore's mask, even one with so much mandokar (because revan is one of the most mandokarla jedi, and most mandalorians would be honored to fight by their side as canderous did).

tarre has her own reasons to dislike mental manipulations, on top of generally regarding it as a bad move, so what the jedi council did to revan adds to her distaste for the jedi order even centuries after she left. despite what they did, she still wants to see revan come back to themself - they deserve to be their own person, at the least. everyone deserves that, even darth revan. she holds justice above all things, even vengeance (some would say that they’re the same thing, but tarre knows better) and revan must achieve their justice. (yes, tarre has absolutely been force-ghosting behind revan throughout their adventures, it’s the most entertaining thing since real housewives of mandalore was canceled).

now, here’s the other question - how does revan feel about tarre? and that is also a question with no easy answer - they can respect a mand’alor who was known as a powerful jedi and a fair and good ruler during their time, but they must also scorn someone who left the order, who led an army against the republic (even though they would as well), because the key difference between revan and tarre is that revan was always doing what they thought was best for the republic while tarre did everything she did for justice - mandalore second, but justice first and foremost. and you can get into the deeper implications of that line - i will not remove your mask until there is justice [...] so swears revan - but their justice was still through a republic view, not their own view.

tarre understands revan but revan cannot understand tarre, not for a long time - cannot understand turning their back on the republic and the jedi in the way she did (and this is deeply hypocritical, of course, coming from darth revan - but they still thought they were acting in the republic’s best interests when they were a sith, even as they led armies against the republic and killed jedi).

tarre was never spiteful the way revan could be, never angry - they were not calm but they were controlled, cold instead of fiery the way revan could be. their leadership styles were similar, but at the same time they couldn’t have been more different - tarre had friends where revan had followers and followers where revan had friends (tarre walked among their people when revan walked before them, revan was friends with their generals where tarre demanded (and had) their respect).

so many jedi followed revan over the edge to the dark side, and yet tarre had more friends on the other side, away from the jedi. again, revan had followers where tarre had friends - they didn’t get to know the revanchists or the sith, not truly. they were thrust into the role of leader (they chose it, and yet it was no choice - if they were not revan, then the galaxy would have fallen. this is known). they had no opportunity to rise, they simply were and were not at the same time - they were revan, they were the republic, they were nobody and everybody at once. they spent so much time defending the republic that they didn’t even defend themself, it was inevitable that they fell just as it was inevitable that the republic fell.

revan and tarre both had the habit of forming attachments, and those attachments led them both away from the jedi order (not from jedi teachings, however, which is an entirely different essay). revan’s attachment to the republic, tarre’s attachment to mandalore, and the way the jedi are both separate from the republic and part of its military force at once - both of them had to sacrifice some connection to the jedi to serve their people.

so when they meet, some 2500 years after revan lived, they meet as force ghosts - which is the only reason they don’t immediately throw hands; revan would love to fight another mand’alor and tarre isn’t about to go all ‘there is no emotion, there is peace’ with darth revan right there. instead they spend 50 years stuck in the same room sniping at each other, arguing with each other over tiny contradictions in jedi teachings and tactics in war and leadership. but even with the history between them and their respective peoples, there’s only so much arguing you can do before you start to understand each other, and so 50 years after they meet the arguing has become affable rather than angry.

there’s still a distance between them, that won’t go away - having worn out their arguments, their mutual respect for each other wins out, and they get to reasonable, rational discussions and even some agreements about the finer points of jedi morality (horse shit, your people and justice come first), the sith (make too much of a fuss about being opposite jedi), and even petty things like lightsaber forms (makashi is overwrought and ataru is the way to go to win). and if they ever met without the context of everything that happened between the jedi/republic and mandalore - everything that happened between tarre and the republic and revan and mandalore - they would hit it off fairly well, because their personalities are complementary.

in the end, tarre respects revan a great deal and vice versa. they are far more similar than they really want to think about, and both will always carry a resentment for each other but at the same time they understand each other’s decisions, the choices they made and everything that led them to these choices. if they had lived in the same era - tarre would have been a revanchist, that’s for sure, if she didn’t have ties on mandalore. even while she considered herself part of the jedi order, she thought they needed to be more powerful, more willing to do what had to be done - just like what revan did. revan achieved some things that tarre had dreamed of, and she recognizes and appreciates that.

so does tarre like revan? not really. but she does understand them, and in a way, that’s more important.

[luobingmeis]

I think Undyne's determination has less to do with like something that happened in the past and more like the overlap between determination as an actual physical thing VS a spiritual thing. Whereas the amalgamates were injected with determination by Alphys, Undyne makes her OWN. You've killed her best friend. You're going to kill the love of her life. You're going to kill her mentor. You're going to kill everyone. You've killed HER. But she still has to stop you. Everyone is counting on her 1/2

Undyne's whole motif is letting the monsters of the Underground achieve their hopes and dreams. Theres a reason she is the boss fight in Waterfall, the most backstory rich area in the game. Hope and dreams have just as much weight as determination does, its what helps you defeat Asriel. And Undyne the Undying's design mimics Asriel's because in Genocide SHE is the heroine, SHE is the determined hero that defies death in order to save everyone she loves via the hopes and dreams of everyone (2/2)

Sorry I just really fucking love Undyne Undertale fhfhfndkdk she willingly letting herself be used in an experiment to help her people is Very Good tho too hmmmm

!!!!

sorry ur abt to get a whole essay i love undertale so much.........

(also i use a lot of !!! for emphasis, not bc i’m yelling omg)

(also i’m letting you know this is an incoherent mess, it is 2am here akjsdkjsdjk)

but you can definitely be right!!!! tbh your idea seems much more par for the course than the spaghetti im throwing at the wall

even then, though, it’s stll so interesting bc like!!!! undyne’s courage is undeniable, and her fight to protect the underground plays Such a huge role in her whole waterfall arc. and, in the spiritual sense, she is absolutely determined!! that just makes me WONDER though bc, like, canonically, monsters Are Not determined! they don’t have that threshold!

and then, in looking at determination in the spiritual sense, what exactly makes undyne different? is it that her desire to live and protect the underground unlocks that threshold needed for determination? at one point, could monsters be determined, but then their millennia trapped underground biologically/psychologically stripped them of that? so then could any monster in the underground, when facing high enough stakes, have that determination? or is it just undyne?

bc then i think about the other bosses in either route, like papyrus, mettaton, asgore, sans. where undyne is the monster/boss capable of possessing determination, sans is probably the one least likely to have any threshold for determination (this is bc his entire boss fight is him realizing he can no longer be an observer, he is literally the last line of defense between chara and the annihilation of all monsters). mettaton is complicated bc as a napstablook turned corporeal, i dont even know where to BEGIN with him. but then there’s papyrus and!! it feels like he should be capable of feeling determined. in both the pacifist and genocide route, he is so assured that the human has some internal goodness. while, in the genocide route, that hope could be translated to fear, that still makes me wonder: under what circumstances could a monster’s determination be unlocked? is it not solely life or death? does it require some ulterior motives (aka undyne’s whole character being protecting the underground)? and like!!! it’s just so fun to think about bc, say it is undyne’s spiritual determination being unlocked, it’s so interesting that she’s the one differentiated!! that even papyrus, a character brimming with good and happiness and love, doesn’t have that determination, but undyne, who has a similar type of passion and goodness within her, does!!!

with experiment undyne, i will admit my theory is very much uhh wild! and unhinged! and, while my theory is much more playing in the “what if’s” of the science of artificial determination, it still makes me wonder! especially in the boss fight herself. ever since i first saw her genocide boss fight, i’ve always been a bit fixated on her eye, specifically the one w/ the eye-patch that eventually seems to have Some type of arrow power. while this definitely could have just been A Design Choice (and one i stand by!!), undertale is a game that reveals its complete lore when the pacifist and genocide route are put together. thus, in a hypothetical situation, i don’t think it would be out of the question that undyne’s eye could still Do that even in a pacifist route.

but even then, there are holes to poke! such as why doesn’t she use it? if undyne has been injected with artificial determination, why is she, frankly, normal until it’s a matter of life and death?

(to cut to the punchline before i get into my bullshit: i think it’s bc, at first, it seemed as if the artificial determination just Didn’t Work and had no affect, when in reality it needed to be met with spiritual determination as well)

and, again, i know i’m playing with a lot of hypotheticals right now, and mostly this is me just kinda fun bullshit theorizing, but i think it could have something to do with the fact that she has the threshold for spiritual determination! the reason i even think that she would offer herself up to determination experimentation is bc of the loyalty and love she has for asgore and the underground. i would argue that she is just as invested in asgore’s plan as asgore himself is, and she obviously sees him as some type of father-figure. so that alone gives her this Drive to do whatever it takes for the underground to survive.

so, therefore, i think in regards to this hypothetical experiment undyne, i think it quite literally is that spiritual determination threshold combined with artificial determination

and for that, i quickly want to talk abt the amalgamates and why they tie into this:

the timeline: corpses/souls injected with determination --> no reaction --> corpses wake up and act normal --> ??? happens  --> (quickly leads to) amalgamates

and so then that once again raises the question: what differentiates undyne? 

i think, for that, we then have to consider another question: if most monsters do not have the physical determination to continue living after death, can that determination be given when they’re already dead? monsters in general already have no threshold for determination, so can that be artificially made if it never existed in the first place? 

bc while alphys’s experiment, iirc, was to see what happened when a soul was injected with determination, i think the other much needed question is if monster souls could even Handle determination

and, while we do not know specifically what went wrong with the amalgamates (aka like How did they melt together), we do know that their physical forms really were not able to handle the artificial determination, imo most likely bc they do not even have a threshold for spiritual determination

but undyne is, as you have noted, different!

so, frankly, i think you’re right! i think undyne does have an inherent spiritual determination. it’s uncommon in monsters, but her want to save the world is enough to leave her determined

however, i think That would have just been enough to keep her alive

i think it’s artificial determination that gave her that final form! to reference  back to the amalgamates, they were all creatures whose powers we had seen before, but different now and, specifically, more powerful. that very same thing could be said for undyne! her powers are, essentially, things we have seen before, but fucking to Max Intensity 

AND THEN!! AND THEN!!!!!

when you do kill heroine undyne, she doesn’t turn to dust first

she melts first, and then turns to dust!!!!!

and, honestly, it’s that small detail that sent me down this rabbit hole, bc the only ever time we’ve seen monsters melted together are the amalgamates!

i think the main difference between heroine undyne and the amalgamates is the fact that undyne, at first, had No Reaction to the determination at first bc, since she most likely already had this secret threshold for spiritual determination, it wasn’t the Biggest of changes. it wouldn’t have had such a drastic reaction on her physical form bc, even if she didn’t know it yet, it wasn’t an entirely foreign substance

the amalgamates, however, aka monsters who had no spiritual determination, could only handle the artificial determination for an unknown amount of time before their bodies began rejecting the chemicals and becoming..... that

of course, then, this leaves me with even more questions, such as could undyne sustain this final form? would her body eventually give out, overcome by determination? was this form only meant for life or death situations?

and uhhh i think this is the end!! if you made it this far and are thinking to urself “damn you’re really an english major when you write like this?? this isn’t even comprehensible” do not fret!! i know this theory is kinda a shitshow, and it’s one of those things where i can keep myself up all night thinking abt this and talking myself in circles bc there are some points that i think have strengths and other points that are probably pretty weak

basically though!! i see the connection between artificial determination and undyne through the fact that her form actually changes, the reveal of her legit power eye, the way her attacks have been altered, and the fact that she melts at the end (akin to the amalgamates’ appearances) before poofing into dust

this has been,,,, a shitshow i am so sorry i hope this was at least somewhat understandable ajkdsjkdsjk

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

@onehithero said: also we know theres at least some actual animals besides gadoll liek the scorpion n cows tht show up for a sec in ep 1 so tankers hav tht going for them re: food sources ..SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH deca dence essay got sleeper agent activated

onehithero said: i rly like what usaid abt kabu from natsumes pov too but i cannot form a half cohernet thought abt tht one

onehithero said: ALSO ALSO i think its interesting how the ep 8 conversation w minato is i think the only time kabu talks abt being jealous of humans being able to choose their own paths

onehithero said: also how minatos convinced hes like a good lil cog in the machine yet hes done 50 things tht wuld get him labeled as a bug but he just ignores all tht. the both of them can be so disconnected w reality

onehithero said: like minato didnt know abt 1)natsume 2) how the system has made kabu so severely depressed n he culdnt put up w it anymore.n minato continues pushing the just go along w the system shit he doesnt understand tht he was contributing to kabus misery.. n bc of tht kabu doesnt trust minato enough to tell him abt natsume for so long but then he goes n asks smth so big of him as go against the system

onehithero said: thinks abt how kabu n minato r obviously so important to each other but minato understands him less n less over time & kabu kinda already knew its risky to confide in minato like minato did know abt pipe which was a long time ago but he didnt know abt natsume til kabu was already sacrifing himself for her sake. n yet kabu then goes n tries to get him on his side anyway cuz he wants tht so badly..

onehithero said: OMG OMG CHEWS THESE WORDS SLOWLY N THROUGHLY SO DELICIOUS THANK U THANK U u get it u understand i love reading n writing essay lengh responses abt deca dence & again u just hit the nail on the head w this

Please let me know if this @ u 8 times and sorry if it did.  I will reply under this readmore but i love this enthusiasm! I like discussing this stuff so if u want keep it coming. I wanna understand deca dence better and i think i will by sharing ideas w other ppl. 

I think kabu and minatos relationship  is as good as it is because theres clearly a lot of mutual love and respect between them even when they don’t understand each other and thats why minato still runs after him when he hears kabu going suicide mission lets go baby. I think its interesting that minato was like ready to lie down and accept getting mass scrapped until he hears kabu go im about to be hilarious and hes like actually living and staying alive sounds great actually forget what i said about it being over.   you are so right about kabu and trust and natsume. I will always cherish episode 5 where kabu gives this big rousing speech about how natsume inspired him and saved his life and minatos there like ..who? ..what?? I think they may not be used to hiding things from each other. Also I think them drifting apart mirrors natsume and feis drifting apart tho I think while feis the instigator on that side kabus more on his side and minato like natsume is like wondering what in da world is going on. I think someone else wrote about this better than I can.

I do think minato does know kabus severely depressed because theres this line in ep 4 where he puts his hand on kabu and says like you’ve toiled enough at that awful job. and also in episode 11 when he and kabu talk and kabu says he was in a similar place as minato now in that he was waiting every day to be scrapped minato has no reaction until kabu says but that bug saved me. I think he knows kabus very depressed but he does not know how to address it cuz the system never gives either of them the tools or options for it. Though also I feel the system discourages meaningful relationships between the cyborgs so I think what minato and kabu have is likely pretty rare. Kabu donetello and turkey also fought together for a long time but turkey turns on donetello in a second even tho they fought together, he was his number two, and they were in prison together, and were pretty much all they got and donetello kills him in turn. I also think minato probably knew because he’s empathetic. Like I’m not sure about compassion but he’s very good at understanding where other ppl are and how to meet them in the middle so both parties get something they want. That’s how he got all the gamers to collect the old deca dence parts. Not by cashing in on ppl doing the right thing but by framing it as the final mission. He gets his lgbt community center coworkers for fight with him one last time by appealing to their sense of duty. He got the system to put kabu in jail instead of getting scrapped when Mikey got scrapped for a lesser offense. The list goes on. A tangent but I think the fact he acknowledges the living conditions of the humans are gonna get worse if nothing’s done even tho he’s apathetic at best towards them shows even when the system tries to mold the cyborgs into the roles it wants, sometimes the traits they have just keep on going despite themselves. I’m gonna stop myself before I go into jill and this theme but I’m gonna talk about it someday. So I think its more likely than not he knew but he didn’t know how to navigate around it also because it’s heavily implied he’s going thru the same thing and I think kabu might genuinely have no idea Bc kabu lacks empathy but his heart... is huge. When he hears minato express his feelings of not knowing what he wants he instantly tries to reach out and explain minatos not alone in what he feels. This is why they’re good foils. while kabu moves past where he was in the start where he states he does not intend to oppose the system and his compliance while also trying to do the bare minimum drives him to suicide, and finds the willpower and a reason to live and rebel against the system through his connection to other people (first natsume , he hangs out w kurenai sometimes too, and then with the jail robots). Meanwhile minato whos stuck in his literal ivory tower (it’s a Metaphor) never makes any of these connections. It’s the irony of kabu working at a armor repair job giving him some ability to connect w others vs minatos higher position isolating him from everyone else. I think kabu living amongst the ppl he harmed drove him to give up on life quicker, while minato being far apart shielded him from rlly having to see the effects of his actions I think he was headed a lil slower in the same direction. I think we’re led to believe minatos okay where he is but I think towards the end it’s clear minato has spent most of the series also in a bad place. I think he views things very similarly to kabu in that he wants to use what power he does have to protect the ppl he cares about similar to how initially kabu tried to just convince natsume to quit several times and he was like whatever at the rest of the humans who are natsumes comrades dying but he chooses to put it all on the line and try for some systemic change when he sees natsumes determination to fight. Also I think minato holds very little loyalty to the system cuz he doesn’t only like breaks 1000 rules for kabu (the hypocrisy) but he also looks the other way a lot. For example, when he overheard the top rankers talk about limiters he’s like I’ll pretend I don’t hear it also turn on private mode next time and he doesn’t berate them for considering cheating. Also donetello has been using an illegal avatar to climb to S rank again (isn’t it interesting that even after the ranked system is abolished something similar took its place). And his avatar looks the same as it did when minato worked with the guy. There’s probably like not that many ppl in s rank. And he calls himself donetello. Minato knows he’s supposed to be in jail but does he tell anyone? He’s like well.. that looks like someone else’s problem if they notice *goes and vapes* it’s so funny how little minato cares but it’s also not funny Bc some of minatos cruelest actions and things he’s complicit in are born not outta malice but apathy to everything. I think it shows (tangent number 4?) how the systems use of excessive force is counter productive cuz neither minato nor kabu are willing to report anything to disrupt the order Bc neither of them think the level of punishment is warranted. I also think that minato is probably the first person kabu really opens up to about why on a personal level he feels the system needs to be destroyed after Ep 7 is really interesting. It really speaks to how deep their [mutual and not platonic relationship I don’t know how to label ] is. I also think that he admits to minato that he envies human is rlly interesting and would like to hear what u have to think! I think it’s interesting that what really sets minato off is kabu saying he wants to choose for himself and also wants other cyborgs to have that freedom and I think it’s one of the few times we see minato get genuinely angry and have it not stem from worry. Tangent 5 I’m really extrapolating here but I think it’s very likely given how high up minato is that he likely knows of several cyborgs that rebelled against the system for similar reasons as kabu and knows how it ends and I think it probably feeds into his defeatist attitude. I think his role in the system must really kill whatever grasp of whatever minato has cuz he constantly has to act like it’s almost the end of the world and he’s strapped for resources all the time for like decades and decades of having to fake that type of desperation to entertain ur player base and cuz ur also on tv to entertain the general populace to distract them from their soul sucking jobs. I think that’s gotta mess with his perception of himself and also his ability to see that struggle as real and genuine. I think that’s also gotta be hard cuz he seems like out of his whole fuck we r under attack persona he seems like he’s a lil closed off but generally chill and somewhat upbeat to ppl who know him and he just wants to be isabella from animal crossing. I got really off track here. I think what really gets me is their relationship is built on knowing each other so well and so long , and how it’s managed to survive and persist through all this tragedy. They really mutually respect and love each other and that’s why kabu let’s minato walk away from his revolution even tho it compromises everything he works for. It’s why minato ultimently accepts kabus willingness to die for a tanker even tho he really doesn’t get it at all and it means it’s goodbye forever. But it’s still not enough to save either of them. Minato can’t save kabu from trying to passively starving himself to death and I’m not sure if kabu even knows where minato is at mentally. Sometimes no matter how close u are to someone there r things u miss and things u can’t help each other with. Even tho the two resolve to fight and then die together cuz this seems like the best choice Bc the system they were born into offers no alternatives, the deca dence doesn’t even activate without the help of other ppl. I think it shows one relationship cant support all that weight. In the end it is through their bonds with other ppl that gets them to an ending where they both survive when they decided alone their only option is death. Also u are so right about the other animals existing I totally forgot ty I cannot believe I forgot about the scorpion which calls to natsumes hairstyle which is a visual gag on how natsumes a bug and how like a scorpion, although unassuming, and fucking kill u, just like how her trying to get her boss to open up eventually leads to the whole thing toppling down. I also have a lot of thoughts about natsume but I’m still thinking of them and thinking hard Bc sometimes she becomes kabus inspiration Pinterest board and I don’t like that. When she shines she really shines but it starts getting sloppy towards the end so I have to think a lil longer about it. Okay I’m done. Also it’s kinda hard for me to look like I’m agreeing to ur points and nodding in this format but I really appreciate ur thoughts and will try to convey this. Maybe by formatting as a response to each of ur replies next time

[xxvanrougexx]

My pdx top 11

I know no one cares but i thought it would be fun to post something once in awhile

1. Lee Eunsang

He is my #1 pick since x1-ma came out. Not that i stanned him immediately at this point but he was the trainee i was most interested in. 1st ep only confirmed him in my top spot! I love that he's really sweet, shy child who transforms into a charismatic man on the stage. Sure, he still has a lot to learn but i think he's ready to debut. One of the best points i love about him is that he is loved so much by his friends, classmates and teachers, heartwarming anecdotes abt him are never-ending. In my ideal top 11 he would be a vocalist in charge of sweet voice but he dances very well too. He's good in english and i'm also sure he has a lot to show us

2. Kim Wooseok

Wooshin is special in my heart bc i loved up10tion since their debut and wooshin was my bias. I cant say i was a honey10 bc i didnt follow them closely after white night came out but i was devastated by thinking about wooshin's hiatus too. Even though he has a group to comeback to, i think he already decided to himself that he needs to debut again. In my opinion he is the perfect center, he is incredibly eye-catching, his expressions are on point, he was just born to be in the spotlight. His visuals are outstanding and he's super talented too. I hope he will get to open up with his personality more bc i love his sassiness and mischivousness. Anyways stan up10tion!!

3. Yun Junghwan

A main vocal in the house!!!! Not only that but he's also an all rounder even though people tend to overlook it. I think he's ready to debut and his stage presence is there as well just watch his twit fancam. I love his adorkable personality and i would like to know about him more. Plus he likes cats like me!! He has a fine chemistry with eunsang btw. His fox-like visuals remind me of minhyun but he's very handsome in his own way. Did i say he's talking voice is amazing?

4. Son Dongpyo

Ok i just gotta include this cutie pie. He got the center not for nothing and it shows. Not only he's very talented, he constantly challenges himself with different concepts and i admire it. I mean it's obvious he is cut-out for cute concepts but he is not afraid to choose cool and mature "boss" and sexy and powerful "believer" and slay it. He'd be lead dancer and vocalist, boy's got a voice to show off. I know all of the trainees are trying their hardest but with dongpyo i feel his sincerity and determination very strongly.

5. Kang Seokhwa

Ok, it might be a little bit shallow but i just think he's cute. When i first noticed him he immediately reminded me of my cat lol. But despite that he is actually a good vocalist and i think he'd be a lead vocalist in my top. I love reading anecdotes about him and would like to get to know him better. My heart aches for him bc i want him to debut after leaving all those companies including yg and jyp.

6. Song Yuvin

I was never really interested in myteen but i knew song yuvin. He is a great main vocalist, yes but i was attracted to him bc of his bright personality. He just seems like a fun person to hang out with he's funny and cool, every group needs someone like him. Not to mention his pinky finger has more talent than my entire body. I dont really see his resemblance with mingyu but nevertheless he's very handsome.

7. Kim Yohan

Yeah, i fell into his trap too. I think it's just impossible to stay neutral with him. I can see why he is so popular. He has that natural adorableness in him. The greatest quality about him that i love is how quick he develops as a trainee, i just blinked and he's no longer a lacking visual but a hidden gem with many talents. In conclusion i have a lot of hopes when it comes to yohan. In my top he'd be a vocalist+rapper.

8. Kim Sihun

Kim sihun is all-rounder every team needs. Vocalist? Check. Lead dancer? Check. Lead rapper? Check. And leader and composer. He is very kind, i can see it. Theres nothing to hate about him to be honest. He's not my top pick i dont really think abt him all the time but i definitely want him to debut.

9. Song Hyeongjun

Some people say hyeongjun and dongpyo in one group is too much cuteness but i don't think so. As i already said dongpyo is able to pull off any concepts and hyeongjun seems pretty natural in any concept too. He's a great dancer, im not an expert but i can say he's natural at it. I geniunely love his pureness and somehow i came to a thought that its not something i witness a lot this days. Theres nothing bad about being a cute child. He'd be a lead dancer and sub rapper.

10. Keum Donghyun

He entered my top 11 literally just now after the fancams for the believer dropped but he's been wrecking me ever since love shot. He is young but already ready to debut. Just look at his moves, at his expressions, theres no other like him in produce. Main dancer in the house!!!!! His rap is decent but i have no problem with it. His voice is somewhat teenager-esque but already very low and velvety and i love it. Plus he seems to be a stay and that indicates a taste! I dont know abt his personality too much but he seems like a sweet kid and it was amusing to watch him when love shot team were choosing their center. Not to mention he is undeniably smart and lucky bc every stage he has been in so far are legendary. Keumvengers rise!!

11. Ham Wonjin/Lee Jinhyuk

I'm torn between these too bc i had to push out someone since i added keumdong to my top but i just can't :( i'd like wonjin and hyeongjun to debut together. I love wonjin's cuteness and stage charisma, he slayed clap center. His voice is definitely unique but i like it. I think he can be a vocalist and a rapper but he's mainly a dancer. Jinhyuk is just my up10tion baby, i have soft spot for him. He wasnt my bias but hes just adorable through and through. Plus need a main rapper? Wei is here!!!

My top can change soon bc some may get e worded :( but nevertheless i support a lot of trainees and wish them all the best

[aro-aizawa]

Tell us about your AUs!! I’m curious!!

!!!!! an interested person???? hi anon i love you know that i would die for you without hesitation. bless you for letting me gush over my aus. this might be a lil messy (and long holy shit) considering im answering from my phone but from memory here are my aus (which i aint gonna lie are mostly either angst, hurt/comfort or canon divergent, or a mix of the three) in no particular order:

edit: now that im on computer it’s all under the cut but here’s a quick table of contents:

the one where hisashi is a pro hero

the one where hisashi is a villain

underground gladiator arena kidnap fic

the one where aizawa is inko’s brother

MUTE TODOROKI

izuku is related to all for one

gamer au

the one where uraraka is the protag instead

hp au

disney aus galore

the Spite™️ fic

the one where hisashi is a pro hero

heads up in literally none of my aus is midoriya hisashi a good parent. i mean in canon we know exactly three details about him being his name, his quirk and that he works abroad. that’s it. so, i don’t really like “good parent hisashi”. this au is basically ‘hey what if izuku got a fire quirk from his dad’ combined with my own personal views on fire, and then also deciding ‘wait what if hisashi and endevor did the same shit’. so it’s basically an au where izuku is in the same situation as todoroki.

it’s….kind of complicated now that it’s written down. in my head its p straight forwards?? anyways, basically my view on fire is that it absolutely shouldn’t be demonized as much as it is. because without fire, life couldn’t exist. it’s warmth and life and beauty. i just…think that view of it is perfect for izuku, and i always wanted to try my hand at fire quirk izuku.

also one of my few aus that’s actually gonna have a ship focus?? in that it’s tododeku but honestly knowing me i might end up accidentally dropping that aspect of it like i tend to do a LOT bc of my inability to write crushes (im an aro who’s never had a crush so me writing romance is…awkward at best lol)

the one where hisashi is a villain

i have……admittedly a lot of versions of this au. it’s by far one of my favourites to think about, for several reasons actually, mostly bc of angst but also because the hurt/comfort potential there is incredible.

my most current version of this au though plays with the idea that in the mha society those with ‘villainous’ quirks get discrimated against and pushed so the only chance they do have to survive is to turn to villainy. in this au i play with hisashi and inko’s quirks a little to make them more villainous and easier to discriminate against, for example hisashi can cremate anything he touches into ashes at will, and inko can minorly manipulate the limbs of other people although she’s mainly limited to pulling them towards her or pushing them back.

in this version, izuku is quirkless and still goes through ua determined to change the way that society works and right the wrongs in how it’s set up while also proving that quirkless people aren’t useless. a lot of dadzawa in this one because it is my w e a k n e s s. there’s a few other elements thrown in there, but overall that’s the basic jist of it.

underground gladiator arena kidnap fic

one of my darker aus where a group of villains kidnap kids who took the ua exam to create an “everything goes” fight club that customers can watch and occasionally participate in.

my general idea for this was “the sports festival is pretty brutal when you think about it. it’s almost like everything but killing goes” and then i thought that in a superpowered society there is no way there isn’t any kind of underground fight club where people can go full out w their quirks.

hence this au was born! the kids who’re kidnapped w izuku have been constantly changing over the ladt year or so that i’ve had this idea but rn i decided on having shinsou, kaminari, mina, tokoyami and yaoyorozu w him. the rest would be filled w ocs bc the villains weren’t dumb enough to kidnap all of the heroics students, just a handful.

bearing in mind the kids are all taken a couple days after the entrance exam so they’re not familiar with each other and izuku is the only one familiar w a pro hero and that’s a secret. not to mention he’s only used his quirk once at this point, and he has no access to recovery girl’s quirk so he has to figure smth out IMMEDIATELY or he’s completely fucked.

the one where aizawa is inko’s brother

look if you inspect my aus carefully you’ll see a theme and that theme is i fucking love aizawa. anyways, in this one izuku has a pretty powerful nullification quirk and is trained by aizawa. aizawa and inko have like an eight or ten year age difference, so they weren’t all that close until inko reached out when izuku was eight.

i’ll admit this is one of my lesser developed aus but it’s canon divergent with a focus on izuku hoping to be an underground hero. and due to his quirk and that aspect of his personality, it kind of changes a lot of things??? potentially a short(ish) au if i ever got round to writing it out. maybs about 20k-30k words idk.

(this is mostly born bc i feel like people forget that there’s only a fifteen year age difference between aizawa and izuku for a number of reasons. also bc inko/aizawa….is kind of weird in my mind. definitely not a fan :///)

MUTE TODOROKI

look i fucking love mute aus okay, but when i was trying to apply it to the mha universe i started thinking “holy shit todoroki could definitely be mute” or smth and ever since this au is close to my heart.

basically when poor rei burned lil shouto, she mentally scarred him into mutism. ever since the kettle incident, shouto can’t speak a word. endeavor is told by the doctor that although nothing physically is wrong, shouto is mute. endeavor is a DICK and p much decides he’ll just wait it out for shouto to finally talk bc he’s just being childish (basically he’s ablist and doesn’t let todoroki learn sign. which is bullshit but doesn’t majorly effect him bc he’s homeschooled until high school anyway).

it’s sort of canon divergent but also maybe a complete au??? in that there’s no league of villains. when all might fought afo the first time he succeeded in putting a stop to the villain and killing him. izuku still gets ofa, but he’s not the protag of the story, this time it’s todoroki.

anyways, ua sees that todoroki is mute (which isn’t registered and completely unknown to the general public) and doesn’t know sign language (resorting to notes and/or charades if he needs to communicate something), and decides to investigate that shit.

endeavor eventually gets what he deserves bc the trash bag can go rot in hell, and that’s p much all i got aside from the class realising FAST they need to adopt and love todoroki so there’s a lot of wholesome bonding there.

izuku is related to all for one

admittedly this one is one of my most underdeveloped aus but i still love it all the same. basically my take on it bc the whole ‘afo is hisashi’ thing kinda weirds me out considering afo is at least 200 years old. in this au he’s izuku’s grandfather and inko is his daugther who escaped him and lives in hiding.

i haven’t decided whether i want this au to be my take on izuku having afo or if it’s another quirkless izuku au. i haven’t gotten very far into it, all i know is that afo has no emotions and he’s a heartless bastard (me hating the dad for one trope w a passion) so there’s sort of MAJOR angst potential if i decide to go down that route.

gamer au

izuku’s quirk is that his life is a game. that’s….that’s it. if you’re familiar with sword art online, it has a lot of influence from that w/o the characters or plot or pervertedness or incest because what the fuck sao was so bad with all those. still pissed bc outside that it had potential and i think abt that a lot.

anyways, so y’know how in a lot of rpgs there’s the hud w stats and an inventory system and abilities?? well apply that to izuku and he’s p much that. the world “autosaves” whenever he sleeps, but he can’t manually load a save. if he dies he starts over from his last autosave.

bc of his access to abilities and stuff, he has the potential to be powerful bc hey he can basically do magic, but at the same time he just healed his body completely by drinking this drink he made w herbs and shit last night. also he can carry a ludicrous amount of shit that couldn’t possible fit in his backpack but apparently he’s got seventeen cheese wheels in there and room for half the classroom furniture too.

izuku sees the world w a hud which would be annoying but it’s normal for izuku. in fact, he sort of hates watching tv because the hud doesn’t appear on the screen and it’s so weird and bizarre he doesn’t really like it.

i haven’t planned anything but details of the quirk bc it can get waaaay too overpowered too quickly and hhhh i sort of burnt out of different ways this would effect canon, so i didn’t think abt it. but i did figure out that izuku would have so many gaming analogies for his friends and be into like a thousand different games.

the one where uraraka is the protag instead

born when i was complaining about how shitty horikoshi is at writing his female characters i brainstormed this au in a discord server where i overhauled canon w a more badass uraraka. (and she doesn’t even get ofa!!! she’s just badass on her own!!!)

basically bc she’s a lot more confident and determined in this au she influences a lot of her classmates. the other girls are a lot more active in their actions and are more than just the background characters. uraraka’s full strength is explored and i think i planned for her to win the sports festival bc she deserved it.

also inspired by the idea i had of pro hero uraraka kicking a lamp post down on her own strength and using it to put a comet home run on a villain like she did in the battle trial. bc holy shit that’s a fantastic mental image.

basically my “mha girls fucking rule and fuck horikoshi’s shitty writing” au

hp au

ah yes, finally we get to my take on the most generic of aus. basically i just wanted todoroki in hufflepuff to piss off endeavor and basically loving it bc he befriends izuku in it. i definitely haven’t developed this au outside of worldbuilding in how i’d combine the two universes whilst fixing both jkr and horikoshi’s bad writing.

i actually wrote a snippet that’s somewhere on my blog that i can’t link to now but you could probs for search it. but this was basically born from me getting angry at people putting the kids in the wrong houses. im a firm believer that izuku fits in nearly every house but hufflepuff and slytherin suits him the most while todoroki is ABSOLUTELY a hufflepuff. i wanted some platonic tododeku bonding so i put izuku in hufflepuff. uraraka is slytherin, iida is gryffindor, and it’d be too messy to list all the kids so i won’t.

but!! what im most happy w in this au is how i incoporate mha stuff into it. like how hagakure isn’t actually invisible she just got permanently hexed by her brother to always be unnoticed so you can never know what she looks like or where she is. tokoyami has a bird head due to a failed attempt at becoming an animagi. its permanent and although he could get it fixed, theres actually a number of wizards w the same thing do there’s a lot of animal like wizards. shinhou comes from a pureblood family thats been known for their dark magic, even though the last four generations haven’t been dark wizards the wizardinv world is convinced he’ll be a dark wizard too but shinsou wants to prove them wrong. amajiki being a metamorphmagus who shifts his limbs into animals when he’s nervous. etc etc. i have too much worldbuilding and no plot lmao.

disney aus galore

one day i thought up abt three different disney aus for the mha universe but my first idea was a little mermaid au for momojirou w momo being the princess and jirou being the mermaid.

except besides the basic premise i p much scrapped the whole movie in that jirou learns sign language to talk to momo and the two play music together. jirou plays piano or w/e whilst momo sings. it’s v gay. theres a ball and they dance and then kiss. i never wrote it out bc i didn’t wanna add conflict in it but never got round to actually writing it lmao.

but i thought up a tododeku tangled au, kiribaku cinderella au, tsuocha princess and the frog au, and a couple others that i didn’t plan out fully. still close to my heart if i ever manage to get round to writing them out. each would probs either be a long shot at 7k-15k words or a short multichapter fic at 25k-30k words.

the Spite™️ fic

the fic where i get pissed at every shitty thing about horikoshi’s writing. izuku gets mad at all might for his views on quirkless people and gets into ua on his first try. izuku rightfully does not take bakugou’s shit and calls him out at every opportunity. bakugou’s actions have repercussions. all might gets punished for almost letting bakugou kill izuku in an exercise.

izuku gets pissed over a lot of shit basically. also at one point he either punts mineta into the sun or loudly and publicly makes the argument that mineta should be expelled from ua including evidence and testimonies from the girls. and he encourages nearly all of them to get better costumes.

i haven’t actually written much abt it but if there’s smth i got pissed @ horikoshi for smth in canon it’d be address in this fic bc oh boy am i never spiteful so it’s kind of theraputic to write even tho i haven’t done it in a while.

uh….i have a lot more but man i think i’ve been writing this for like an hour or two idk im gonna finish this before the app crashes or smth. thank you for letting me ramble this got long oops sorry.

[tenacious-scripturient]

6- song playlist for @quilloftheclouds ' OC Phoenix!

the celebration!! (y'all should send me some!!!)

IM SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY D: but without further ado, here's your playlist for Phoenix! (sorry i cant put it under the cut, tumblr sucks :/ )

despite its name, this song has a large amount of watching things burn, which i think phoenix would appreciate. it's also about releasing your anger on someone who wronged you. phoenix would probably also appreciate that.

of course this song has to be on this list. (1) bc im not clever and (2) it's about hope and determination and strength and facing your fears!!! as you said, she "built up from a rough home life through years of work and and fighting to be a literal legend"!

and she's the protagonist, right? hehe

OKAY. this is really cliché buttttttt phoenix was said to have a rough home, and even though it was hard she built up from it and fought for years to become a legend. this song is about hope and determination, and it seems like it would suit her :)

im not sure if it's just me, but i feel like phoenix had a rough childhood. not just that, but it was because of someone or something- and that something made her strong. it made her who she is now.

phoenix seems like she would be an 8 for the enneagram test. strong, assertive, grew up a little too quick, and with a hint of self-righteousness. the lines "i was just a kid who grew up / strong enough to pick this armour up / and suddenly it fit" remind me of her backstory and how she struggled- she grew up too quick, she learned all these things to overcome whatever she needed to, and lost her childhood.

just like two other songs on this list, this song is about determination- but from when you already won. from what i heard, Phoenix has already made it pretty far in life and is proving how strong she is, so i think this song is good for her :)

sorry there aren't many songs lol, it was surprisingly hard. but I had a lot of fun doing this, and i hope you enjoy it!

im excited to see more of Phoenix!!

[vitaminhosh]

prince!seungcheol

anon requested: “prince cheol i will lvoe u forever”

pairing: seungcheol x reader

under the cut bc it’s ridiculously long

oH boy i am so ready for this au

one of the most charming and endearing princes out there??

there isn’t anyone one within a 100-mile radius that dislikes seungcheol like..... have you met him

and anyone who does kind of feel some sort of dislike towards him

they see him smile and oops

how did I not like him before?? he’s an angel??

he is genuinely hard working and kind hearted though, he works very hard to make the lives of his people better

when he was younger and wasn’t allowed to go out he would have to learn about the kingdom’s history and,, all the war and bloodshed absolutely broke his heart

he swore that when he was older he would never allow something like this to happen again

when he was finally allowed to go out and saw some of the people struggling to just make do, he was determined to make a change

nowadays he makes it his mission to go out and meet everybody and see how they’re doing as often as his busy schedule allows

he’ll have lunch in the town and chat with the people, anyone who saw from the outside wouldn’t even suspect that he was royalty and just think that it was a table of old friends

plus his absolute favorite meal of all time is in this small shop tucked away in one of the small streets in the heart of town, and it was,,, a burger

sure the food in the palace was obviously amazing with top chefs cooking there and all but,, nothing really beats the burger made in this small shop that people barely even knew about

we all know seungcheol will be a well-dressed prince 

like,, he won’t want to be super over the top in full on capes and stuff but,, he sure as hell isn’t just walking around town in sweatpants or something

he cares about his image okay

(even though everyone will swoon even if he were to go out in sweatpants and a hoodie)

everyone in his kingdom is basically in love with him

as are the people in neighboring kingdoms 

and far away kingdoms

the other princes are jealous

have you seen his smile though? it can cure diseases

he takes his responsibilities very seriously, but obviously, he’s still a young man who likes to have fun and gets bored too

he doesn’t like to sit still, so when he’s finished with all of his duties he’ll be off to go do something

even at odd times at the night, you can find him in a nearby kingdom trying to find this specific comic book or something

people don’t find it weird anymore

“oh look prince seungcheol is here again did you want more of these sweets?”

he’s often seen hanging out with the other princes when he can

the people die when they see their princes hanging out together

has public social media accounts but also secret personal ones

spams the group chat full of princes,, just because he can

ok enough background stuff onto you and cheol

you work in one of those small tucked away shops that prince seungcheol likes to frequent

however you’re not from this kingdom, and you only work the night shift so it’s not like you know a lot of people or much about this kingdom

you’re just taking this job to try and make some cash while you’re away from home traveling, you happened to choose to stay here indefinitely

you’re not entirely sure who this strangely good-looking man is who only comes in at 3am every week is but ?? business is business plus you’re not gonna judge,, it’s not like you’ve never had cravings for junk food in the middle of the night too

since it’s late at night cheol is dressed in very casual clothes so nothing really gives away the fact that he’s actually the goddamn prince of this kingdom

since he comes so often plus he just likes to get to know people he makes small talk while you gather up his stuff

after a couple of weeks, you soon become kinda like friends ?? it’s a weird circumstance but hell it’s 3am nobody’s really functioning well enough to question this

 you’re sitting at the counter on your phone when the bell on the door rings signalling another customer

you just know it’s him again cause,,, not many people would be here at this ungodly time of night so you don’t bother looking up

you stop scrolling through instagram when you hear tutting in front of you

“I should complain to your manager you know- I’d rate this customer service a 1/10″

seungcheol watched as you finally looked up and chuckled at him

“sorry old man..... how can I help you, your highness”

seungcheol froze- did you finally find out who he was?

the reason he was so interested in you was because you didn’t seem to know who he was, and treated him like a normal person

his mind was going 100 miles a minute until you suddenly snorted

“god imagine it,, you ?? a king ?? pfft”

he smirked once he realized he wasn’t busted

“what do you have against me being a king huh?”

“idk man what kinda king buys junk food like three times a week at 3am,, plus ur a dork”

“wow,,, is that all i am to you,,,,,, a dork,,,, im hurt”

you smack his arm before starting to scan the things he’s put down on the counter

“how do you eat all this and stay in shape... tell me your secrets”

“god given metabolism sorry sweaty you can’t buy this :-)”

you snorted once again as you begin to pack his things into a paper bag

“did god accidentally spill all the ego into you as well”

“well i mean to help god out i do go workout too feel free to join me if you’re not too unfit to keep up”

“uhhh excuse me who are you calling unfit..... give me a time and place and I’ll fight beat you in a race”

“fine when do you get off tomorrow I’ll walk you to the hill and see who can get to the top first”

and that’s how you ended up at the bottom of a hill at 5am with a man you’ve never seen outside the shop

“whoever wins gets treated to breakfast”

“wipe that smirk off your face seungcheol I’m not getting beat by you”

surprise surprise,,,,, you lost

unfortunately he was much faster than you thought he would be

you were both lying on the grass, panting from running up a sizable hill 

you punched his arm

seungcheol sat up, mouth open as he was about to whine when a voice came from the bottle of the hill

“your highness! there you are! you were supposed to return an hour ago you father will find out you’ve been out!”

seungcheol’s eyes widened before cursing under his breath

“I gotta go but you still owe me breakfast okay I’ll explain everything tonight ok bye !!”

you just sat there in shock as seungcheol dashed down the hill, even faster than before as the worker followed behind him

“y-your highness?”

you had flashbacks to seungcheol smirking when you laughed at the idea of him being king

you make your way back home, with a permanent blush on your cheeks and a million thoughts in your head

how could you not know that he was the prince?

oh god you’ve been smacking the prince for weeks when he makes a stupid dad joke

you can’t sleep that day and when you’re back in the shop you’re barely conscious

you’re too tired to even think about seungcheol saying he would explain tonight

when seungcheol comes in and makes his way over to the counter, he expects to find you on your phone again but instead sees you asleep on the counter

he smiles softly before grabbing an old receipt and a pen and writing a note

“sleeping on the job? strike two y/n. I really should complain to your manager, guess I was just too fast for you ;). I’ll be back tomorrow, get some rest. p.s. you might want to wash that hoodie, you drooled a little bit”

you woke up with a panic when your phone chimed at 5am, reminding you it was time to close up

oh god seungcheol was supposed to come

after you finally orientate yourself you notice the note on the table

after reading the note you flush red again

oh god you were asleep in front of the cute prince and d r o o l e d

you stumbled home after closing up and immediately went to sleep

later that day you rushed to the shop, almost late since you were so tired you slept through your alarm

as 2 am came around the bell on the door rang and you sat up straight

seungcheol didn’t usually come till around 3 so you assumed this was an actual customer

"I hope you washed that hoodie before coming back here tonight”

you looked down and noticed that you were in such a rush that you didn’t even change out of last night’s outfit

flushing pink, you quip back with a “so what if I didn’t huh”

seungcheol finally appears from around the shelf

“its a bit gross i gotta say”

“not as gross as you”

seungcheol looked at you with a soft smile on his face, trying to get the words in his head to form coherent sentences

“im sorry”

you looked at him with a blank face

“what for ?? i mean i know its kinda gross but like i was gonna be late for work and-”

“no, I’m sorry for not telling you”

you sat there with your mouth half open and closed it before looking down at your hands that were on the counter

“it’s okay”

he took your hands in his, making you look up

“it’s not, I shouldn’t have kept it from you. I’ve just never had someone treat me like everyone else and it was... refreshing. But you deserved to know, I was being selfish. I’m sorry”

you gave seungcheol a soft smile, giving his hands a soft pat as he looked down at his feet to try and get his attention

“seungcheol really, it’s fine. I understand why you did it, I’m not mad”

“I still feel bad, it wasn’t right. You should be mad”

“well I mean I am....”

seungcheol looked up, ready to apologize again

“but only cause you beat me in a race,,,,, outrageous”

you smack him again, trying to lighten the mood

“but a deal is a deal, and I still owe you breakfast”

seungcheol started giggling, and you swear your heart skipped a beat

“im trying to be serious here and all you care about is getting beat”

“cheol, i really don’t mind. plus, I’m a woman of my word, I can’t have you owe me, that’s ridiculous”

“I’m busy later, how about you just treat me to a late night snack here instead”

fast forward to a couple weeks later, and you’re back at that hill waiting for seungcheol to come so that he can introduce you to his prince friends as you have a couple of days off

you can actually hear them before you see them 

who’s even surprised at this point it’s seungcheol + 12 rowdy boys

“guys please don’t be embarrassin- oH hi y/n you’re early hahaha”

“hi I’m jeonghan are you cheol’s girlfrien-”

seungcheol shoved the guy out of the way before he could finish his sentence

“sorry,,, my friends are idiots”

you chuckled as seungcheol sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, a light pink dusting his cheeks

“don’t worry, I like them”

“wE LIKE YOU TOO Y/N”

you giggled before heading over to the group of guys to go meet them properly

seungcheol stood still for a second, watching you introduce yourself to his friends a couple feet away

jeonghan came up to him, watching you with him

“when are you gonna ask her out, I thought you were going to the other day when you guys hung out at her place”

“she was tired so I let her sleep, some other time jeonghan”

they headed back to the group and you turned to them as you noticed the two join the circle

“cheol !! is it true that you tripped over a log and fell into the lake while trying to impress a girl when you were 6? i knew you were a dork but I didn’t think it was that bad”

“wHAT ARE YOU GUYS TELLING HER”

as the day began to end and everyone had to head back, seungcheol insisted on walking you back to your apartment

you had refused at first, but you were tired and it was late

when you got to your place you turned to seungcheol, about to thank him for walking you back when you saw him looking nervous

“cheol, are you okay? what’s wrong?”

“nothing,, I just,, y/n would you want- I mean- do you,, uh,,,, will you,, go out with me?”

you could barely hear him as he was mumbling but you just managed to catch his words

you put your hand on his cheek and pressed a quick kiss onto his other cheek

“of course seungcheol, it’d be an honor”

you smiled and said goodnight before heading inside

seungcheol stood there, frozen in shock as you had not only agreed but ???? you kissed his cheek ?????

you began to get ready for bed, a smile and a light blush on your face

you can’t believe you’re dating the biggest dork on the planet

seungcheol, on the other hand, was shouting at jeonghan down the phone; he practically skipping home

a/n: this is,,,,,, the longest thing ever im so sorry i got excited about this au

[padawanlost]

Hi, sry this is a rough topic. Maybe bc Im not american I don’t understand the pov where people heavily like to bash Anakin for killing tusken raiders. I understand killing woman and children is wrong and no Im not getting him off the hook with that and I think he pays for it with his humanity in ep3 when he kills the younglings anyways. However, there are many who just call them “innocents” and I find that OOC...[]

[…] In the movies we only hear about how terrible and “monstrous” they are, and unofficial guide books shows how much of awful beings they’re supposed to be. Someone said it’s racist thing and again not an american so Idk about that, but the overall canon shows that they are indeed not so innocent adult or children alike. I’m just trying to understand where all the sympathy is coming from? Is it just another Anakin hate? What do you think? 

Hey!

Well, what Anakindid was wrong so many people hate him for it, that part is simple. Everything else, isn’t. I’ve seen peoplesay Anakin killed them because he was entitled, because he was “crazy”, he was afascist, etc. None of that is true, the movie make his reasons for slaughteringthat group pretty obvious. He did it because of what was done to Shmi.

However,what Anakin did was also textbook genocide. The moment Anakin slaughtered everyone who he identified as a TuskenRaider, instead of slaughtering only the responsible for the Shmi’s death hiscrimes evolved from murder motivated by revenge to genocide motivated by revenge*(more on this later). But, to be fair, that’s only part of story. We only seeAnakin’s real genocidal tendencies once he becomes Vader. Now, Vader was deeplymotivated by his prejudice against the Tusken and Tatooine in general.

 This world means as much to me as a speck of dust, and all its inhabitants might as well be dust too. As he returned to the Devastator, Vader considered the fact that Tatooine could be reduced to dust by the Death Star. He wondered if watching the sand planet’s obliteration might bring him any pleasure. It was a possibility he wouldn’t rule out. [The Rise and Fall of Darth Vaderby Ryder Windham]

Here is the thing: Anakin didcommit genocide and the Tusken did tortured Shmi. Honestly, I think the situationway too complex to label any of the parts simply as innocent or guilty.

People sympathizewith Tusken because they don’t like Anakin but, also, because the anti-TuskenRaiders movement was very real and widespread in Tatooine.

“What is driving them so close to thefarms?” Owen asked. “It’s been too longsince we’ve organized anything against them,” Cliegg replied gruffly. “We let the beasts run free, and they’re forgettingthe lessons we taught them in the past.” He looked hard at Owen’s skepticalexpression. “You have to go out thereand teach the Tuskens their manners every now and again.” Owen just stoodthere, having no response. “See how long it’s been?” Cliegg said with a snort.“You don’t even remember the last timewe went out and chased off the Tuskens! There’s the problem, right there!” [R.A.Salvatore’s Attack of the Clones]

The Lars family was being serenadedthrough yet another night by the lowing of many banthas. None of the four hadany doubt that Tuskens were out there, not far from the farm, perhaps even thenwatching its lights. “They’re wildbeasts, and we should have gotten the Mos Eisley authorities to exterminatethem like the vermin they are. Them and the stinking Jawas!” Shmi sighedand put her hand on her husband’s tense forearm. “The Jawas have helped us,”she reminded him gently. “Then not the Jawas!” Cliegg roared back, and Shmi jumped.Taking note of Shmi’s horrified expression, Cliegg calmed at once. “I’m sorry.Not the Jawas, then. But the Tuskens.They kill and steal whenever and wherever they can. No good comes of them!”[R.A. Salvatore’s Attack of the Clones]

The Tuskenraiders were victims. They were one of the native civilizations of Tatooine andthey were invaded over and over again for centuries. So, of course, they were forcedto adapt to survive and so also developed an understanding hatred of outsiders.And that hatred turned into violence and that violence affected both sides ofthe conflict. We all know what happens when a society invades another, and whathappened in Tatooine and the Tuskens wasn’t all that different from our ownworld. Their culture was “incompatible” with the invaders and, being outnumberand overpowered, they become the ostracized group (the savages, instead one ofthe rightful owners of the land). That created a cycle of violence thatresulted in many deaths on all sides.

Fearsome desert savages inhabiting the rocky JundlandWastes, Tusken Raiders are the foremost reason Tatooine colonists do not wanderfar from their isolated communities. Extremelyterritorial and xenophobic, Tusken Raiders will attack with very littleprovocation. They show no allegiance toeven their native world-mates, as these nomads have attacked Jawa scoutingparties on occasion. They have even gathered numbers large enough to attack theoutskirts of smaller towns like Anchorhead. [x]

The Tuskenwere victims, but that doesn’t meanthey were innocent. Understanding thereasons behind their behavior, doesn’t mean we can excuse it. Very much likeAnakin, you can be a victim and still be responsible for atrocious actions.

 Annie was [Shmi] comfort, her placeto hide from the pain the Tuskens had, and were, exacting upon her batteredbody. Every day they came in andtortured her a bit more, prodding her with sharp spears or beating her with theblunt shafts and short whips. It was more than a desire to inflict pain, Shmirealized, though she didn’t speak their croaking language. This was the Tuskenway of measuring their enemies, and from the nods and the tone of their voices,she realized that her resilience had impressed them. [R.A. Salvatore’s Attackof the Clones]

In Shmi’scase, they were not defending their territory against trespassers or securingtheir resources. There was no moral justification for what they did. The self-defenserhetoric doesn’t work here. There’re no excuse for Anakin’s actions but thereare no excuses for this cruelty either. One crime doesn’t justify another. TheTuskens being ostracized by Tatooine’s powerful groups, doesn’t make it alrightfrom them to kill and torture people. What Anakin did was terribly wrong but it’sobvious that his actions were motivated by vengeance, fear and rage, notmadness, racism or entitlement.

Don’t getme wrong, racism against Tusken Raiders in Tatooine did exist. But Anakin’sactions that particular night was not motivated by it. Anakin andShmi were victims of the Tusken. But that doesn’t make Anakin innocent. The sameway they had no right to torture and kill Shmi, Anakin had no right to slaughterthem. 

Anakin, too, had heard the voice ofQui-Gon, imploring him to restrain himself, to deny the rage. He hadn’t recognized it, though, for he was too full of pain and anger. He spotted a Tusken woman to theside, in front of another of the tents, carrying a pail of dirty water, and sawa Tusken child in the shadows of another nearby hut, staring at him with anincredulous expression. Then he was moving, though he was hardly aware of hisactions. [R.A. Salvatore’s Attack of the Clones]

Anakin had nothing against the Tusken before Shmi’s death. He and Shmi were one of the few people in Tatooine who were willing to help them. In fact,before Shmi’s death, Anakin risked his own life to help Tusken Raiders. As achild here is what he thought about Tusken Raiders:

The residents of Mos Espa, themselvesa less than respectable citizenry, hated the Sand People with a passion. Anakin had not yet made up his mind aboutthem. The stories were chilling, but he knew enough of life to know there weretwo sides to every story and mostly only one being told. He was intrigued bythe wild, free nature of the Tuskens, of a life without responsibility orboundaries, of a community in which everyone was considered equal. [The Phantom Menace by TerryBrooks]

“Master Anakin, we really shouldn’tbe out here at night,” the droid observed after a moment. “This country isquite dangerous.” “But we couldn’t leavehim, could we?” “Oh, well, that’s a very difficult determination to make.” […]TheTusken regarded him intently for a long minute, then slowly eased into asitting position, his wounded leg stretched out in front of him. “Uh, hello,”Anakin said, trying out a smile. The Tusken Raider made no response. “Are you thirsty?” the boy asked.[…] Finallyhe spoke again. The boy looked quickly at C-3PO. “He wants to know what you aregoing to do with him, Master Anakin,” the droid translated. Anakin looked backat the Tusken, confused. “Tell him I’m not going to do anything with him,” hesaid. “I’m just trying to help him getwell.” [The Phantom Menace by Terry Brooks]

That doesn’tsound like the thoughts of a person corrupted and motivated by prejudice. Andonce he left the Tatooine, his views didn’t change because here is whathappened when he met A'Sharad Hett (aJedi and Tusken):

As Obi-Wan approached the balcony, hecaught Anakin in the middle of asking astream of questions while the masked figure stood silently, watching thestars emerge over the vast cityscape. “You’re from Tatooine, too?” Anakin saidto his unresponsive companion. “Can you understand Basic? You might not believethis, but not too long ago, I actually saved a Tusken Raider’s life! I foundhim when I was out in the Xelric Draw. He was a bit bigger than you. Maybe he’sa friend of yours? Do you know where the Xelric Draw is? Or maybe your peoplehave another name for it? Did you ever see —?” [Ryder Windham’s The Life andLegend of Obi-Wan Kenobi]

Obi-Wan bowed slightly and said, “Iam Obi-Wan Kenobi.” Before the figure could respond, Anakin interjected, “Ithink he’s a Tusken Raider from Tatooine!” Pointing to the weapons at theTusken’s belt, Anakin added, “But he’s aJedi too, like us. Only he has two lightsabers.” Indeed, the quiet figureon the balcony was, by all appearances, a Tusken Raider. Obi-Wan could see hisown reflection as he peered into the red lenses of the Tusken Jedi’s goggles.“Please forgive my impetuous Padawan’s manners,” Obi-Wan said. “We welcome youto the Jedi Order, A’Sharad Hett.” [Ryder Windham’s The Life and Legend ofObi-Wan Kenobi]

Anakins, despitegrowing up surrounded by people hating on Tusken Raiders, was actually surprisinglyaccepting of them. He demonstrated no fear, no hate and no reservations, only ahealthy childish curiosity.

His viewsonly changed after Shmi’s death. and even then, he still managed to work with  A'Sharad Hett, who re-humanized the Tusken Raidersin Anakin’s eyes by removing his mask and showing him how similar they were.Anakin even confessed to Hett what happened in Tatooine. Unfortunately, after the war, as Vader, hewas too consumed by fear and hate to ever deal with what he did and change howhe looked at the Tusken.

To put it simply: the Tuskens were victims. That’s clear byhow some characters talk about them. But that doesn’t mean they are beyondreproach or are morally justified in everything they do. And it also doesn’tmean that what happened to Shmi wasn’t terrible crime or that Anakin killed thembecause he was entitled, privileged or racist.

Fans sympathize with the Tusken Raiders because they are were ostracized and killedby a violent and corrupt society that completely dehumanized them. And somepeople do try to make it all about Anakin and how Anakin is the worst™, whenin truth, the situation is much more complex than that.

The key here, imo, is to understand that though the Tusken Raiders were violent and victimized many Tatooine residents, they were also victims and have been victimized themselves. And that Anakin, though guilty of many crimes, wasn’t part of this particular problem until Shmi was killed. There victims on both sides, not many innocents.

[imperialsea-a]

What is an aspect of your muse that you’ve wanted to explore the most? / Name one idea for a plot you’ve had but never gotten around to writing. / If you’re a multimuse or have more than one blog, is there a muse you wish you used more? / Name one of your favorite tropes.

easy meme for a burnt out mun & accepting.

♛   What is an aspect of your muse that you’ve wanted to explore the most? 

    hhhhhhh i don’t know, it fluctuates a lot? Though it mainly changes between the worst time of her life, and the best, that being: post-academy fall/association uprooting + yuuki’s awakening + surprise, eva’s not actually dead for now VS. she’s happily married w five kids and has grown up a LOT since her teen years. 

    Bethy is a naturally orderly and strong-willed person who, after making some tough decisions, becomes totally dedicated to her job as a hunter; she was born into that world at the peak of their society being the descendant of the Averill line + the only child of Kaien Cross who is a hunting legend– whatever his current status may be, and despite having struggles related to the social/emotional complexity of balancing out the human world, vampire society, and her own place in those realms, she remains determined to play her part in maintaining the peace. UNFORTUNATELY for her, she relied too much on the Association– I mean, she revolves her entire self-worth on being a hunter, and when things collapse? She does too. She feels disgusted stupid and used and worthless.

    The rug’s been pulled out from under her, the status of her mother being alive isn’t exactly stable– her best friends are gone (bc yeah im including eiri in this THAT’S HER BERRY ; O ; ), she’s so furious (half-rationally,half not-so-much) with Kaien she could actually KILL him, and then she’s carted off back home with her grandparents (Florence + Alexandria) to recover since she’s also sustained some physical injuries along with the heaps of emotional strain. She’s not okay for a long time, but she does recover and returns to HQ eventually. So, I guess I’d like some threads during the time of her recovery? It’s flexible enough since she doesn’t stay cooped up indoors the entire time she’s away; after the first few weeks of serious depression, she begins going out and doing normal non-huntery things. Not 100 percent all better, not even when she does come back, but away from the entire work situation, she’s healing and learning to rebuild herself, and her self-worth doesn’t revolve solely around work/the few friends she’s managed to make. She’s finally living for herself, muh bby i cant– i love bethy sm, she develops so much here

    OTHERWISE, I JUST LOVE MOM/ADULT! BETHY. She’s the happiest, healthiest version of herself and has really grown comfortable with the ‘imperfection’ of her situation– I mean, she got to marry for love (after her grandfather tried to set the man on fire) which is something she thought she never could do, her sister in-law is an aristocrat married to Takuma Ichijou aka weirdo from the strongest vampire noble family, her best friends are KURAN  PUREBLOODS, and she’s on speaking terms with Kaien so–. who’d have thought. she even survives twins.

    The first broken/recovery timeframe might lead to some more flexibility plot-wise / crossover-ish sort of things? since she’s not really  h u n t i n g  and is existing quite normally (though that’s not to say she won’t pick up 1 of several weapons and fight if she needs to), but- IDK I KINDA JUST RAMBLED / INCOHERENTLY DUMPED STUFF HERE. 

♛   Name one idea for a plot you’ve had but never gotten around to writing.

     I’m not overly plot-specific when it comes to threading with people, but I’m always open to it. I guess one I’d like is really simple: strangers meet + have a pleasant convo over some form of public transportation / helping the other with something, kinda gets really personal in conversation since whatever they’re doing is taking a  l o n g  time, and they kindly part ways, thinking they won’t see each other again, then meeting again some time later in an either mundane situation or ‘uh so someone’s destroying the city’-level action. what happens from there depends on characters / story? I had a thread sort of like this, and it led to one of the best relationships Bethy ever had, but the mun deactivated and I’m still kinda, like, sad about it kfjdlkfjd

    That, or maybe something like–??? one muse saves the other from something, and they somehow end up getting stuck together through a really bad situation and help each other out. AS U CAN SEE, I don’t, uh, plot a lot .  .  .  o w q ;;

    as a sidenote, this goes across all my blogs: i love one-sided love :’D

♛   If you’re a multimuse or have more than one blog, is there a muse you wish you used more?

    Arata and Eva, for sure but u knew that. It’s more just a matter of meee…….nnnot writing out their backstories, even though I have it all there. Arata (affectionately called RaRa/Rara ooc–) is a vampire hunter like Beth, from a really powerful family, who somehow ended up unofficially officially adopting 3 kids after a like, 7 yr old saved his punk 17 yr old butt from a vampire. he grew up, wears glasses for fashion bc he doesn’t need them, and is all around a really good guy; he’s kind of awkward and is a family disappointment, but he’s got hunting skills fo dayyyys, just ask the chunks of noble flesh for touching one of his bbys–. He’s no joke my favorite OC EVER, and if it weren’t for my inability to actually be active, i’d give him his own blog. I love RaRa, man.

    As for Eva, she’s Elizabeth’s mother, for those who don’t know. She’s a fun character to write, though I don’t much for the above reasons of ‘no bio written for the public’–. She’s made mistakes, the big one sticking out as letting herself get cornered by the president (marrying kaien wasn’t one of her mistakes somehow), and was in the wrong place at the wrong time. As a consequence, she got bitten by a Pureblood, and the pres, being the opportunist he is, took advantage of that, locked her up, and held her prisoner for years. When she’s out, she’s got a lot of recovery to do, but she’s okay in the end. She’s also one of Bethy’s biggest influences, and where she learned her kindness/fun side from. bethy is a kind girl ok, she’s just got a few HIGHLY situational layers to get past– but yeah. I liked Eva so much I kept her alive; I can’t imagine my OCs without her now.

♛   Name one of your favorite tropes.

    This is something I never really thought on before, since I don’t really pay attention to tropes. I don’t know what it would be called, but something pertaining to opposites or contradictions, I guess? Since, Bethy is practically a land-confused mermaid :’D and i associate her/gentle tides with water and the calmness+peace it brings her, but she herself, along with her family, is heavily fire-influenced, or in takashi’s case, WATER = NO, IM GOOD, THANK YOU. but somehow, it still works? 

    Same with her overall existence? she’s a beautiful liar/actress, but she doesn’t lie where it isn’t necessary. she has to keep her hunter/vampire involvement a secret– that’s something she’ll never casually spill, but she’s not really as closed off as she seems, the situation just needs to be right. ahh… bethy’s pretty open-minded to things despite how straight-laced she is, and it really shows later in life. love of her life = hunter from an incredibly nontraditional family. mother = lvl d vampire. two of her children = cursed twins. bffs = no joke all vamps. yuuki…eiri, zero– i dont think she has human friends outside of akemi. hhhhh….. ANYWAY, all of that, it’s far from the idea of ‘picture perfect’ she upholds through her early life, but in the end, it works out? and it is perfect, for her.

    Not really a TROPE, i suppose .  .  . but she’s a bit of a mess in terms of contradictions both personally and thematically. if there’s a trope name for that, she’d fall into its category.

THIS IS RLLY LONG IM SORRY–

[juunshua]

same anon who asked the magic powers question; for me boo definitely has that sixth sense, but i think that one of the only true powers he has. granted, he has a lot of skill over it as seen from all of his predictions, but he hasn't shown much else (unless he's super good at hiding the rest of them, which he might be). i also agree that minghao is a super rebellious elf, but there's just something else that makes me think that he's more than just a rebel elf. not dark, but def something 1/

that’s not really elf-like. and it’s not something completely magical imo as seen from all of the friggin’ dabbing he does (make him stop, please). soonyoung’s also a weird case. he has the ears for an elf for sure, but there’s just something that tells me that he might have a hunter trait. his eyes are just too sharp and too bright for someone to say that he’s just a half elf. i mean, just look at them! i also think that junhui may have some ability here and there but it’s not 2/i don’t exactly remember what I put down, but hopefully it goes through this time. so I think what I put down was that i believe that jun has them to, most specifically in his grace and mobility, but there’s something that feels unrefined about it. it’s like something is holding him back or something that trying to give him a valuable flaw so that he doesn’t go haywire. it’s weird to say that, but it makes sense for a lot of the members with powers because it would just be too obvious. 3/powers would have that big of an effect on him unless he has some too. he has this aura that screams something unnatural, but not too unnatural to the point of someone pouncing on him for him. he just manipulates the whole scene to his liking imo, but i just don’t how. same with seokmin, but he just has light to manipulate to his liking which i think he’s aware and not aware of at the same time, you know what i mean? (oml i never thought that i would get this far on this subject actually) 4/4

i tend to think of seungkwan as a learned master! kinda like a gandalf or dumbeldore figure! and to me those teacher figures in movies and books and such were always seen to me as being the most powerful? like he might not be the person who takes down the bad guy in the end, but he does pose a formidable threat. he may not have necessarily ‘raw’ power as i see minghao having, but hes someone whos honed his skills over a long time and through practice. so minghao could be more powerful than seungkwan one day!! but i think to me rn seungkwan is the most powerful. OMG lmao minghaos dabbing…i have a story for this so okay…hao is the crown prince for the elf kingdom who doesnt agree with how the elf world is being run so he rebels and ventures out to learn about what humans do (kinda explains his fascination with the world) and!!! in the process of doing that he has to blend in with us humans like..his human appearance is only gonna take us so far with his elf ears on display im sure ppl would have caught on so! he gets involved with what is trending! what the ‘cool human kids do’ to blend in with the human crowd more!!! thats why i think he dabs even though its something that should have been left like back ….before it even began alsdkj but im also curious, bc i see hao as like 100% pure elf, like what other thing u may see him asok after i got this ask! i think i kinda reconsidered what hoshi could be…he may or may not be half elf but i think! hes someone who used to live in elf kingdom but doesnt anymore and has had his memory wiped(?) but hes like a super important teacher figure and someone hao was determined to find back when he was planning his escape from elf kingdom and make hoshi his mentor but when he found him, was kind of shocked or taken aback that hoshi didnt remember or recall anything? but that doesnt change hoshis identity and who he was and is known as in the elf world so! hao sticks to him in hopes that one day he will recall his memory and maybe the whole memory loss thing is where i was getting ‘half elf vibes’ from him (or smth lskjfd). thats interesting that u mention his eyes though! what do u mean by a hunter trait? wait is the first part of the fourth ask about junhui too? for some reason i dont really get even simple magical vibes from junhui im curious to hear more about what u have to say about him! 

[selkienicke]

Tune in for 'Jamie overanalyzes hockey players emotional states for twenty minutes' lmao

Someone called me out on this post for indirectly @ing Sidney Crosby, which I kind of was and kind of wasn't. I did talk about him a little more directly in some tags on Ovi carrying the POW trophy over to the team (i said this earlier off the cuff but like i genuinely think its very cool how excited (ovi) is for this. i feel like a lot of Hockey Culture is like ’you have to be humble and act like no honors matter’ which like! Has value! For sure! but also!!! Its nice to be excited you did a good job and alex is an EXTREMELY gracious winner. i can fucking tell you i would have been way less cordial in that handshake line. idk i like that alex is always excited about winning things small big w/e i like that he is like ‘I get to do what i love with ppl i love and that is pretty damn great’ and Not to be That Bitch but like! the whole team feeds off that energy stay loose stay joyful get another is what im sayin) That is still not super direct, but yes, a lot of what I mean by Hockey Culture is the worship cult of Sidney Crosby. (And not just him! I think Crosby also comes from a specific cultural tradition of Canadian hockey. I don't know enough about Gretzky or Lemieux to really speak to this, but I do know their personalities/ways of relating to hockey massively inform both Crosby as a person and the way sports personalities frame Crosby.) And like I said, I don't think that way of approaching sports is bad. I have a lot of instinctive, almost visceral, dislike of Crosby, in a way that is difficult for me to articulate. I think a lot of it is just pure emotion: I don't like that he is talented, and that he opposes the team I want to win. I think, though, that there is also an element of like...idk. I think sometimes the thing you hate the most is the thing that you would be if you were slightly more privileged? This probably isn't true for everyone, but there is something deeply unpleasant about being forced again to see that you do not like or love yourself. I would probably be a lot like Sidney Crosby, if I had his talent and his luck. I don't like personal accolades, or the spotlight. I can sympathize with the way he is under a vast and unimaginable amount of pressure, and has been so since a young age. I think that the way he copes with that is by overemphasizing luck and downplaying skill. I also think, as a Leo and a responsible person, you are incredibly prone to the massively egotistical and massively exhausting mental loop of: I center the world, the world out of balance is my fault, therefore I must fix it. I fix it, I have only done my duty. I fail, this is all on me. I think how intensely painfully superstitious and anxiety-ridden Sidney Crosby is is fascinating. I feel like he has an impressive level of respect and fear for the awful power of luck, a deep awareness of the fact that hard work and skill only takes you so far in life. Idk, I think all hockey players know that, and they all cope with it differently. Ovi, imo, tends to distance himself from that fear through select and intense compartmentalization. Part of why I like Ovi so much is that he is self-worshipful. He loves himself, and his skill. He named his dog after himself! He has an Ovi museum! And like, I think that can come off as self-centered and obnoxious but I genuinely don't think it is. (Mostly bc he is, as I said, extremely generous with praise and a very gracious winner). Idk, not to be overly simplistic but in a nutshell, the quote "Russian machine never breaks" is telling. I feel like Ovi, mentally, treats his talent as a separate and inhuman deity-being. Something to be fed, and trained, and appeased. Something to lay honors at the feet of. Something that may only favor you for so long, so love and appreciate it while you can, while you have it. I think, at the core, it is two divergent reactions to being in a massively high-stakes game that relies on both your effort and a huge amount of factors you have no control over. Do you brace yourself, lay low and be grateful for one more, one more, one more? Or do you charge out into the field with both arms open, determined to take as much as you can before you're shut out? I think the thing is, both of these reactions are going to rub someone the wrong way. For me, I desperately wish I could feel Ovi's fierce joy at his own success. I wish that everything I succeed at did not feel like another reproach for past and future failures. I wish that I didn't feel only relief at doing better than was expected of me. This is another reason I think the sort of...attempt to set up an Ovi/Crosby rivalry has always failed. Because the thing is, I think Crosby also kind of wishes he could lean into that raw joy a little more. I think that's why he likes Geno Malkin so much, because Malkin's emotions are close to the surface and because he insists that he will take space and that he has earned it. (I think also, that Ovi loves no one so much as weird hockey cats, who are good, know they are good, are never good enough for their own internal standards. I think he admires that relentless perfectionism, that drive to keep going as hard and as long as you can. That Nicklas Bäckström attitude of, “Okay that’s one. Get another.” It’s very Virgo-y, and Ovi is absolutely a Virgo whatever else he might be.) Idk, there are a loooooot of complicated threads to this that I simply don't know enough to untangle. Russian and Canadian hockey both have long and complicated histories. Both tend to produce a certain type of emotional response to pressure, to success, to failure. Both have their own rules and norms and problems. I'm also thinking a lot about the split reaction to Jonathan Marchessault's sort of over the top cocky confident celebration vs. what the reaction was to P.K. Subban doing something similar. (In a nutshell, it is okay and even praiseworthy for a white dude to be confident. It is not okay and egotistical/too self-serving when a black man is confident). This doesn't really apply to the difference in the way Ovi and Crosby are read, but I do think it is an aspect of NHL talk culture to keep in mind. Maybe by this I just mean, NHL sports reporting tends to be hypocritical, and to fail at acknowledging nuance, and that sometimes just because one thing is good does not mean its opposite is bad.

This is mostly just About Me, but this is also related to why I love Braden Holtby so much. I think he (and also Kuzy) balance these two extremes really well. I think they both manage to stay calm and collected (well, Kuzy is emotionally OTT lmao and I love that about him, but he also imo flows through emotions quickly, and does not dwell on failure/get stuck in the way I’m talking about with both Ovi and Crosby) and to keep going. Holtby and Kuzy both are excellent players and know it, are capable of being happy with how they have done and successes they have had, and are also capable of reorienting and moving forward once those successes (or failures) are in the past. I think in a lot of ways this middle ground is the healthiest, but I find the extremes more fascinating, and they tend to provoke much stronger negative/positive emotional responses from me.

Because like, I admire that ability to keep to the middle ground, but that ain't me kids.

[ask-svt-hearteu]

Hogwarts! Seungkwan

anon requested: "i love your hogwarts scenarios! can you also do one for seungkwan? thank you!!"

all you have to do is imagine second year Seungkwan bouncing around the train

desperately searching for the “candy lady”

what an absolute cutie

until there’s suddenly a flaming wiggly shape in the horse carriage

freakin Boo Seungkwan at his finest acting like he’s kwon fire

a mess

at least he’s a cute mess

and his Hufflepuff self clinging to Vernon for help 

the both of them freaking out about an owl sized fire

“DIDN’T YOU LEARN LAST YEAR?” 

“UM NO”

and it takes a whole 30 seconds for them to realize there’s also a water spell like smh lol

halfblood so like he knew the houses and stuff

even though he didn’t look it, very very nervous on sorting day

after all, he was like a small halfblood wizard from a small island with a long generations of Boos behind him

not to mention he was second

“gosh couldn’t there be more Ahns born in our year” he whispers to Vernon

to which the latter raises his hands above his head

“I’m a Chwe so..” 

and approximately 17 seconds after the hat touch his head, Boo Seungkwan was declared Hufflepuff 

now who said Hufflepuffs can’t be funny, sarcastic, and loud

no one never after hearing this kid

legit the class clown, everything he does will go down in history

like that one time he got dared to superglue the potions professor’s things to his desk

“WHO DID THIS HUH?” that one teacher who looks hilarious when mad, trying to pry the chalk off the desk

and Seungkwans that bright kid who giggles while raising his hand

though whining while cleaning everyday for the next month, but happily singing trot songs loudly 

not really ‘best in the class type’ haha

so some teachers actually lowkey dislike him but they don’t wanna get pranked so

he’s really the ‘im good in every class if i study and take notes but i fall asleep one day and im FREAKED’

to which he figured this out in his first year

him panicking, running through the school blindly looking for Vernon 

probably passing Vernon multiple times, who was just bopping his head to a song blasting through his head phones

but this is how he meets Joshua, 

leaning up against the common room wall panting when he feels a light tap on the shoulder and looks up into an eye smile

“are you okay?” 

“HYUNGGGGGGGGGG” 

Joshua’s sweet soul who spends the rest of the night tutoring him, but Joshua does not do people’s work 

and Joshua’s like the only tutor Seungkwan will ever have that doesn’t make him wanna pull his hair out 

or roast them

but honestly Seungkwan has the biggest heart ever 

Christmas is the best time of year and don’t argue with him on this unless you wanna BOX

extra af and wears a Santa Claus hat the entire month which all the teachers ignore

and the get up he comes up with this year

lots of people went home for the holidays but not Seungkwan as he lives far

so that Christmas morning at breakfast waltzes in proudly wearing a Santa onesie

with a sack thrown over shoulder, filled with gifts

and Vernon next to him dying of laughter

the entire hall clapping excitingly and giggling as Seungkwan spreads his arms out 

“ho ho ho” 

through all the excitement ,,, leaves the sack under the table too busy arguing with Vernon and Minghao about who won the pie eating competition

you happen to have slightly over slept that morning

completely forgetting it was Christmas morning too focused on food

until your eyes meet the brightly decorated hall walking to your Gryffindor table and sitting down

happily swinging your feet back and forth until you accidentally kick something

quickly realizing omg it’s Seungkwan bag from last year

you weren’t really close to him, maybe had a couple conversations, 

that one time you guys were dying of laughter in class bc you caught him trying to stick sticky notes on Vernon’s back

but that’s it

being kinda nosy you can’t help but peek

its so cute

the bag’s filled with okay wrapped boxes, in vibrant red, green, blue, and yellow

secretly you take something from your bag, add a note, and drop it in

smiling to yourself, you pick up the bag and head to the Hufflepuff common room, where you knew his group of friends were spending the morning together 

from overhearing a conversation of course, they aren’t the quietest people lol

thankfully your eyes meet a panicking Seungkwan and his friends in front of the entrance

“Heyyyy Seungkwan”

“Oh! y/n~” his expression immediately changes to a happy one

“Merry Christmas!” you laugh, handing him the sack, making him realize you had it

“Merr- YOU FOUND IT” 

he dramatically engulfs the sack into a hug making you giggle

“since it’s Christmas, i’ll let it slide, be more careful next time yeah?” you joke

he chuckles, “i will i will” 

he pauses, “oh? where are all your friends at?” 

tucking your hair behind your ears, you smile softly

“most of my friends went home for the holiday, and my one Slytherin friend,” you check your watch and laugh, 

“she’ll be sleeping for another three hours”

“omo omo omo, how SO, you shouldn’t spend Christmas morning all by yourself, do you wanna?” 

he turns back, unsure if he could invite a stranger 

before they can answer, you shake your head, “please Seungkwan, I’ll be fine” 

you grin at him, and feeling the holiday spirit, you give him a quick hug

“Merry Christmas you guys!” you call before skipping down the halls, 

not really thinking much of the hug, 

for now

“M-merry Christmas!!” he says after you 

“Oh! y/n~” Soonyoung mimics as soon as your out of sight

“stopppppp,” Seungkwan whines, shoving Soonyoung’s arm

“does little Seungkwanie have a crush already?” 

“OMG~” 

“come someone help me shove the cuties under some mistletoe” 

“LALALALALA I DONT” he protests

they chuckle, but leave it at 

and it’s time to pass out gifts, 

Seungkwan taking them out of his sack, handing them to each of his 7 friends present

then taking the last gift out, he notices a tiny something left

peaking to see if anyone saw, he pretends it wasn’t there stuffs the “empty” sack behind him

until he’s alone in his room and curiously opens the sack

“woah” he finds two chocolate frogs and a note

‘merry christmas seungkwan~ you always give people gifts, you deserve something too, thanks so much for always making history exciting hehe’

there he is sitting on his bed becoming shy with rosy cheeks all by himself

the next day

“VERNON” Seungkwan whisper yells, “what does y/n like?” 

“the heck?” he chuckles confused, “why?” 

shrugging not so casually, “just because” 

“wow the hyungs were just teasing, do you like her?” Vernon’s eyes budge out his sockets

he huffs, “nevermind” 

and walks away

while later that night, your walking upstairs 

“oh hey y/n! what do you like” 

you tilt your head at Vernon’s question

“why?” 

“uhhh just a friends asking” 

you quickly putting two and two together laugh, “i like chocolate frogs” 

the days go quickly and there’s one more day until class starts up again

so you and your friend decide to head to hogsmeade

just as you guys are about to step onto the carriage

“Y/n!” 

your head turns to meet a large group of guys, 

“can we get in?” Seungkwan asks grinning

nodding of course, you smile

the conversation between the two of you is full of laughter, while Vernon who came along with Seungkwan and your friend made the occasional comments

when they weren’t paying attention, your friend nudges you

“hey do you like Seungkwan?” she whispers 

your eyes widen, “no!” 

but that question rings through your ears for the rest of the ride

and somehow

“i wanna go to the candy store” Seungkwan says

“ah im gonna go get a butterbeer with the hyungs” 

“awe” 

your eyes shake between them

and having a wild imagination and being quick witted, you think amused

‘did they plan this?’

“i’ll go” you say speaking up, but then checking with your friend about it

luckily she shrugs and says she has other friends she could meet before leaving

“i never said thanks for the chocolate frogs by the way!” 

“oh!” you laugh having pretty much forgot about it, “it’s no problem” 

“you know what, i’ll buy you some today!” 

you smile in thanks 

and feel this unfamiliar feeling in your heart

as he’s talking, your realizing so pretty his smile his

how he makes the best facial expressions, 

even him being one or two inches taller than you

and there it is again, that feeling in your chest

as if your heart is about to burst out from it’s safe place

upon entering the shop and without your approval, Seungkwan immediately buys 5 chocolate frogs

walking outside together now, 

“here” he hands you chocolate 

“cheers” you giggle accepting it then clinking the food together

“OH LOOK!” he points to something in your hand excitingly

“YOU GOT A SPECIAL ADDITION CARD!” 

chuckling at his cuteness, you raise your eyebrows, “you collect these then?” 

he nods vigorously 

“you can have it then” 

you take his hand in yours and dramatically set the card there

he gasps and bows he head, “i will protect this with my life” 

suddenly you both hear loud shrieks 

“WHAT IS THIS??” 

all his friends surround you guys, arms over his shoulders 

your honestly not really sure what happens then

but you remember saying goodbye and leave, laughing when you hear incoherent shouts

and that’s it sadly

until you stumble into the library with rolls of the parchment in hand with your friend

“OKAY, we must finish our homework tonight!” you say determined 

“YES! okay good luck!” 

maybe you guys set the goals a little two high

because two hours later your friend is asleep on the table with your about to follow after her

for the first time since in there, you look around

and become shocked when you see Seungkwan holding his hair in fists with two of his older friends next to him

he looks up and happens to make eye contact with you

you smile at him

but he starts to urgently motion you to come towards him while his friends stare

cautiously you walk over and introduce yourself to his friends

“y/n save me!!!” 

he grabs your hands holding them tightly

one of his friends tsk, “gentlemen should ask before holding a girl’s hand” 

“Jeonghan!” the other friend says in a scolding tone, but amusement seeping through his voice

Seungkwan immediately lets go of your hand and blushes, “it’s not-t-” 

“okay Kwannie,” the other friend smiles, a little mischievously in your opinion,

“y/n here, will give you a kiss on the cheek if you finish your work” 

for once your not quick to process things

“Joshua,” that Jeonghan guy mocks the Joshua guy’s tone from earlier

catching what they are saying, “i will~” 

an very obvious blush on your cheeks

“o-okay!” Seungkwan eyes you for a second but looks away, the red on his cheeks becoming redder

let’s just say his work might have not been accurate, as he ended up making the two of you escape them

dashing out the library

giggling you laugh, “if you hate it that much, i’ll have to help with your homework” 

he nods, “please” 

your eyes meet seconds too long

but neither of you look away

hearts pounding

and whether you gave him that kiss or not 

thats a secret ;)

The Seventeen Hogwarts AU Series:

| S.coups | Jeonghan | Joshua | Jun | Hoshi | Wonwoo | Woozi | DK | Mingyu | Minghao | Seungkwan | Vernon | Dino |

MASTERLIST

[megabadbunny]

For the DxR fic meme: Nine x Rose; 01 G ☯

(Nine x Rose, Jackie’s flat, midnight, Rose’s diary; from @doctorroseprompts )

***

He knows he shouldn’t, and yet, here he is.

(But it’s not exactly his fault, is it? If she didn’t wanthim to see it, maybe she shouldn’t have left it lying around all public in theopen, conspicuous and winking at him and daring him to take a little peek,wriggling its (figurative) hips like a minx in red throwing a perfumed kissover one shoulder. Never mind the fact that it wasn’t lying around in public somuch as it was in her room, that it wasn’t in the open so much as it was tuckedunder her mattress.)

The Doctor glances around furtively, even though he knows noone will catch him in the act; the flat is empty of any other living thing,save for him and the dust motes colonizing the space beneath the rug. Rose andher oddity of a mum have whisked off somewhere or other (“a proper girls’night”, Jackie might’ve said, or might not have, as the Doctor might not havebeen listening) and Jack is goodness-knows-where with goodness-knows-whom, sothe Doctor figures he’s got a good few hours to himself before anyone returns.And he’s got to find some way to occupy himself, hasn’t he?

(Besides, it isn’t as if he went snooping specifically for it.More like, he snooped, and there it conveniently was. Also, he’s bored.)

Plunking himself down on her bed—not nearly as soft or plushas her TARDIS bed, he thinks with a smirk—the Doctor opens the book to thefirst page.

Dear dairy readsthe first line.

The Doctor chuckles. There is no date scrawled anywhere onthe page, but the scribbles and misspellings amidst very careful and deliberatestrokes tell the Doctor these words were written by someone who had only recentlylearned penmanship, and was determined to do it well.

Dear dairy

Hello how are you? Myname is Rose Marion Tyler. It is my brithday today I am 6 years old.

It’s almost impossible to imagine Rose ever being so young;far easier to picture her emerging fully-grown and stubborn-willed and jeopardy-friendlystraight from inception. But the Doctor tries, and in his mind’s eye he canalmost see her sitting on the bed—no, lying on it, stomach-down, her sock-cladfeet kicking idly in the air. Her hair, unbleached and light brown, would be pulledback into a ponytail, held in place by one of those what d’you-call-it’s. A scrunchie. Her head would bend down inconcentration over the diary as she clutched her pen tightly in her small fist.The Doctor imagines the pen to be pink, glittery, one of those gel-things, hopelesslyand wonderfully childish and girly, and his grin broadens.

Mummy and me had aparty in the park and Lottie and Fred cud not come but Shireen was there andMickey to and his gran and my grandad Prentis. Grandad brung cake from thestore it has had a heart drawed on and my name and there were candels.We had ice cream to. And I had prezents there was a barby and shoes and a newbell for my bike…

The list continues and the Doctor rolls his eyes fondly.Clearly, six-year-old Rose had decided to commit only the most pertinent ofdetails to memory. He flips through perhaps the first quarter of the diary, pausingat a mention of Mickey here, a drawing of a flower there, and watches as Rose’shandwriting grows more confident, her entries more substantial. Her diary is amicrocosm of her adventures with mates, days at school, developing crushes, thelikeability of some of Jackie’s boyfriends and the caddishness of others. Atrandom, the Doctor slips a finger between the pages and opens the diarymid-entry, perhaps a year or two along its timeline.

and it felt awful butI didnt say anything bc he was right I dont have a dad but Keisha got angry andtold him to butt out and mind his own business. So then Nick laughed and madefun of Keisha bout her mum and I thot Keisha might cry so I punched Nick in thenose and it bled and the head teacher says I cant come back to school for aweek. Mum says Im in trouble but she didnt stop granddad from buying me a 99 onthe way home and she said next time do a slap its easier on the nuckles.

The Doctor can just picture Rose, eight years old, eyesflashing and stance wide as she bloodies some little twerp’s nose with herfist. Now that—that is a Rose he has no trouble imagining. Laughing, the Doctorshakes his head and flips to a later entry.

8 Nov 1996

Dear diary,

We went to go see Dad yesterday.

The Doctor pauses, hesitates. He knows what the words mean—they’refigurative, not literal, because it would be another eleven years before Rose sawany more of Pete Tyler than old photos and a grave—but the memory of the daynine years earlier still sends a shiver down his spine, clenches something inhis gut in a guilty-sick feeling he can’t quite explain.

Mum told me the storyagain. She seemed all right definitely better than the last time. I think thephotos help. Granddad came to and I don’t think he rly liked Dad very much buthe was nice about him today nicer than on other days. Afterwards Mum went todrop me off with Mickey but he said she needed me so I went on home and she seemeda little happier but she still cried a bit.

The Doctor wrinkles his nose. Something about Mickey theIdiot doing a good turn makes him grumpy. Who does that idiot think he is,anyway?

We had tea and fellasleep in front of the telly. I wanted to make her dinner but there was nothingin and I couldnt find anything in her purse so I went down to Ms Nodd’s bc she’sout seeing her grandson and I got the spare key from under her flower pot and Ilooked in her bedroom and found a few pounds and took them. I bought Mum aChinese from her favourite place and she didnt ask where I got the money so I didnttell her. I dont think Ms Nodd would know it was me that took it but I stillfeel bad I just didnt know what else to do. Ill pay her back when I get somemoney for my bday.

Nice old bird, that Ms Nodd. Much nicer than some of theother tenants on the Estate, with her blue-tinged hair and cheerful smile andwithered old hands that freely distribute home-baked biscuits to errant TimeLords who just happen to be handy with a squeaky front door. The Doctor makes amental note to liberate an ATM of a couple hundred-pound-notes at his earliestopportunity and slip them into her flat.

He reads a few more pages—comfortably silly stuff, all ofit, more crushes and rants about school and discussions of celebrities andfashion and Rose’s favorite things on telly—until his fingers land on an oddlybrittle page, warped in places, buckling. Several of the words are nearlyimpossible to discern, smudged as they are, and it takes the Doctorapproximately .003 seconds to identify the water marks as tears.

(There’s no dear diaryhere, no date. The words simply begin, as if writing anything more than theabsolutely necessary would take too much energy. Like it would hurt too much.)

Granddad’s gone.

The Doctor sighs, and his hearts each break a little foryoung Rose, curled up in her bed and crying bitter tears into her pillow. Tenyears old is far too young to experience the cruelty of such a loss. But it isn’tas if it gets any easier at any other age. The Doctor knows that to be painfullytrue.

Had a heart attack.Doctors said he went in his sleep and didn’t feel anything. I hope that’s true.Mum said he’s with the angels now but that’s stupid. The angels don’t need him wedo. I already miss him.

Mum can’t stop crying.I wish Dad was here.

And there’s that feeling again in the Doctor’s gut, thesquirmy-sicky one. Almost as if his stomach knows he shouldn’t be doing this,like his body is punishing him. It was all well and good reading about the funfrivolities of a carefree primary-schooler, but this sort of thing—this issomething else. Something deep and personal, a compound fracture of emptinessand hurt. The Doctor knows should stop reading now. He really should.

(He doesn’t.)

It takes a few weeks for the mentions of Granddad Prentice tostart fading, but eventually, they do, fading away to be gradually replaced bythe normality of everyday life. Sometimes months pass between diary-entries;other times, years. The Doctor smiles as he glances over recountings of schooldays and formals and skipping classes, of Jackie’s eccentric cluster of boyfriends,of fights with friends and happy makings-up after, of holidays and gossip andhopes for the future. The day Rose and Shireen fall out over a boy is marked byan obscene amount of swearing and words crossed-out and pencil-punctures dugdeep into the page; the day Mickey asks Rose to be his girlfriend is noted withexclamation points and a lipgloss-kiss.

The day Rose meets Jimmy Stone is noted with a single heartthat simply reads Mrs Rose Stone.

Grimacing at the words, the Doctor forces himself to presson.

OMG met this bloke Jimmyyesterday n he was soooo fit reads the next entry. Shireen and Keisha and me went down the pub and he was playing in theband and I thot he fancied Keisha at first but after he asked for my number ♡ ♡ ♡I kno it doesn’t mean nothing so I didn’ttell Mickey cos no point in him worrying and he gets so jealous anyway lol

Awww, poor jealous ickle Mickey, thinks the Doctor. He snortsderisively. Human beings—so quick to such petty reactions. He’s very glad hedoesn’t have to worry about silly things like that.

Still, it’s a little surprising when, just a few pages later,things have already progressed by leaps and bounds. Jimmy kissed me! leaps out from the page, followed by things like Mickey and me had a fight and Snuck out to hear Jimmy play downtownand Went to the cinema with Jimmy and he puthis hand up my sk

Hearts hammering, the Doctor flips past that page before hiskeen eyes have a chance to read any further. For some reason, the thought ofJimmy putting his hand up anything of Rose’s—indeed, of Jimmy or some otherfool even thinking about touching her, anywhere, with anything—makes him burn abit under the collar. Unpleasant, that. Maybe he’d better take a look at Jackie’sthermostat, make sure it’s doing its job, because it certainly doesn’t feellike it.

(Still, he skips the several pages that follow, just to besafe.)

said if Iwalked out that door I’d better not walk back in and you know what screw her.She’s wasted her whole life crying about Dad and never doing anything withherself and never doing anything for me. I hate her I would rather die then belike her

Eyes widening in surprise, the Doctor quickly scans over thenext few pages, his concern deepening by the second.

love Jimmy andno one can tell me any different and if Mum really knew what love was then she’dunderstand

Im so glad I’mwith him now he gets me like no one else ever has or ever will, ♡ him forever

didnt want totake my a-levels anyway not like it means anything out in the real world

moving into aflat together next week can’t wait ♡♡♡

and I love himbut I wish he’d get a job cos the gigs don’t make enough n I can’t covereverything on my own

came home drunkagain last night n wouldnt tell me where he’d been

told me I’dbetter cough up the rest of the rent by next weekend or else he would

And then, nothing.

The Doctor frowns. Whatever he would do is left unexplained, torn away along with a wholecluster of pages in the diary, leaving a ragged little scar behind where wordsand feelings used to sit. The Doctor runs a finger along the page-stumps leftin the spine, and wonders.

What could have happened that was so bad that even the memoryof it had to be ripped away?

The next entry picks up a few weeks later. It does notmention Jimmy. Instead, the page displays only a handful of lonely words:

He wasright. I’m so stupid.

It takes a moment for the Doctor to realize that the diaryis shaking in his hands. But that’s only because he’s gripping it so tightlyhis knuckles are glowing bright white in an attempt to jump out of his skin. Andsuddenly he’s glad, in quite a perverse way, that he has witnessed thedestruction of the Reapers firsthand, because otherwise the temptation to pilotthe TARDIS back in time to ensure that Jimmy Stone never hurt Rose—that henever so much as existed, never so much as blighted this planet with even asingle vile breath—would be so strong that he’s not entirely sure he’d be ableto stop himself.

Forcing himself to calm, the Doctor skips forward, hopefullyto an entry that won’t cause hisblood to boil angrily in his ears. Now phrases like moved back in with Mum today and applied at Henriks greet his eyes, and he feels the muscles in hisshoulders begin to relax.

and a sweet ginger boy’sstarted coming round, Mum named him Jonesy

but the new job’s notso bad

going out to the clubswith Shireen

Mickey stopped by withflowers today and it was like nothing had ever gone wrong

anyway we’re datingagain

nothing’ll come of itbut some blokes won in Bristol last week so who knows, maybe we’ll win a littlesomething n I could get Mum something nice

a little boring Iguess but prolly about the best I can expect for now

So my job blew uptoday???

Now a grin spreads across the Doctor’s face, lighting it upfrom ear-to-ear. Finally. Took longenough to get here. Now for the reallygood stuff.

Fingers tingling in anticipation, he turns the page.

Nothing.

The Doctor flips through the remaining pages, hunting forsomething, anything, but nothing buta sea of white greets his eyes, winking up at him obnoxiously without so muchas a single date or scribble or scrawl to capture his attention. The rest ofthe diary is completely, utterly blank.

Huffing in irritation, the Doctor sits back, flipping thebook closed with a scowl. It makes a certain sense, he supposes, but still.Really? She’ll write about ice cream and Barbies and school gossip and Mickeythe Idiot but no mention of the TARDIS, no asides about traveling through timeand space, no discussion of Dickens or Slitheen or bitchy trampolines or 900year-old Time Lords taking her by the hand to show her anything her littleheart could ever possibly—

CLANG.

“I just found it!” blurts out the Doctor without eventhinking, pushing off the bed and whirling round to face Rose’s open bedroomdoorway. But no one stands there; indeed, if his superior hearing is anythingto go by (and it usually is), there’s no one within several meters of him, certainlyno one in the flat. And the continuing ding-dang-dongbell’s sound, ringing at twelve lazy but significant intervals, informs himthat his nervousness was for naught—it’s just Jackie’s old grandfather clock,noisily (and unnecessarily, the Doctor thinks with a grump) proclaiming thetime.

It’s midnight. Probably Rose and Jackie will be home soon. Andprobably he shouldn’t let them know he was nosing through Rose’s diary.

(Even if it wasn’t his fault, seeing as they left him aloneand bored and unoccupied in the flat, and even if he didn’t find what he waslooking for—even if he’s not entirely certain what that was.)

As he slips the diary back into its hiding-place beneathRose’s mattress, it occurs to him that there are any number of reasons Rosemight not be writing things in a diary any more—she forgot it at home, or she’stoo tired after their adventures, or too distracted, or maybe she’s even got anew one aboard the TARDIS, hidden somewhere equally silly. But there’s anotheroption too, he realizes; that she’s simply too happy to see the need forwriting things down, that she is too busy living her memories to think of takingthe time to document them. The thought warms him, contentment blooming in hischest, and he leaves Rose’s room with a smile, closing the door behind him.

(He still checks her room on the TARDIS just in case.)

***

part ii

[galimatios]

fear thy fortune chatlog notes

thinking abt the underdeveloped au i have in that weird off color fantasy universe that i realized is probably similar in ways to bloodborne even before i knew abt bloodbornes plot but this is nice bc i can solidify parts of it and i can probably also combine it with the knights au i have

OK I FORGOT TO PUT A CW HERE BUT CW FOR ABUSE MENT AND GORE MENT

somewhere located in present day west asia slash east europe theres a country divided into numerous states in which princes and princesses (princex (poc)/princen/etc for gender neutral options) are perpetually in contest with eachother for the right to be the divine ruler of the country

monarchy is not guided by blood, rather the church is responsible for finding the chosen candidates via prophecy, fururesight, dream interpretation, etc, and these kids are taken from their homes and reared as royalty the nature of this country is ... severe. pain is a gift, proof that one is alive. much ceremony is based in sacrifice, bloodspill, bloodsports, and pain endurance. magic as practiced by the church is extremely powerful in terms of healing so almost all wounds can be healed provided the heart still beats its essentially one big huge freakish cult of a country that has customs that seem barbaric to outsiders

the divine ruler of each state is the princens, though more often than not their councils do most of the governing with the princen merely being a puppet figurehead. they go through rigorous training to sharpen their minds and endurance against all types of pain, so training includes physical, mental, emotional trials in which the princen is supposed to keep a clear mind, concentrate on mediation or some mantra, bearing whatever is thrown at them. additionally they receive the best training in both combat and politics as well as magic. not all princen can withstand the requirements ofc so they.. vary quite a bit in terms of stability/constitution. its a p sick system even without the knights added in bc thats super messed up

the knights essentially belong to their princens in heart body mind and soul, and each princen receives exactly one knight soulbound to them. they also undergo the same scouting process once the princen is identified, and they undergo similar training except theyre also essentially brainwashed into believing their entire purpose in life is to serve and protect their princen no matter what. obviously this aint healthy! knights delude themselves into it so hard theyll fight for the system that literally abuses them! but thats how cults work

that being said knights are extremely powerful. they act as the sole bodyguard of their princen and believe me you dont want to get inbetween a knight and their prince. they are known especially for their brutality when their lords are threatened. it is extremely common for limbs to be lost in skirmishes btwn assailants and a knight

this takes us to the games! which are essentially gladiator coliseum type bloodsport contests between knights of different princens. its a pretty big affair like how the Olympics are for us so the fanfare the cheering the everything is all there i prob dont need to describe it in detail but its very violent. its considered practice for the knights before the true battle-royale type event thats even BIGGER bc it determines who becomes god-king of the country. this time the princen join their knights in the battlefield and basically whoever is left standing is the new king

is it worth it? probably not bc i think being king actually means being killed to be sent up to the heavens bc god kings dont need bodies any longer in truth the entire debacle is a distraction set up by the church to keep the country under its own control. its super corrupt. the council behind every princen is actually made up of high ranking church members that convene regularly to manipulate the politics of the region

but thats mostly the governing sphere of this world. the commonfolk are removed from most of this violence aside from the indoctrination by the church and the messed up religion they practice. a lot of the belief system here relies on this concept of karma and fate over free will. fate is oppressive, cannot be changed, but god do they try that belief ties into how princen and knights are fated to be pairs, how princen are fated to either ascend to godhood or die trying

but there is one way to manipulate fates in this world there exists in independent of the church a monastery that practices the art of transferring karma. think of karma as a type of currency that can be spent, saved, used, etc. lots of good karma may be distributed amongst loved ones via a ritual headed by a monk, or bad karma can be "paid off" essentially. the amount of good/bad karma a person has directly affects their fortune and luck. this practice is more or less outlawed by the church but the monastery is slowly gaining power over the commonfolk and the church mostly leaves the poor folk to rot anyway- their agenda mostly concerns the monarchy

altho i can definitely see tensions rising with the witch hunting as influenced by the church. particularly nefarious visions may result in blame being thrown around and commoners getting killed for crimes they have yet to commit and thats thanks to the teachings of the church

anyway as of rn though the monastery is still pretty small but it is an old, ancient organization with magic that runs far deeper than the magic of the church. it is a much more subtle magic- monks practice little offensive magic (they are a nonviolent sort anyway) but the ability to exchange karma is rare and has far more reaching impact in the long run i imagine they have strongholds further to the east but anyway theres one trump card the monastic order has

a subsection of the order is dedicated to the keeping of miracles. and miracles are... monsters! they are semi-physical manifestations of literal suffering and the sheer emotional energy provided by them is enough to give miracles the power to.. well. perform miracles.

when a person dies in anguish, there is a chance that their bodies will not decompose the way they are meant to. instead they slowly dissipate, bodies turning coal black and ashen to the touch. these cannot be disposed of the normal way (curses, contamination, all kinds of horrible things happen) so instead these corpses get locked up inside brick cells within the monastery

once, one of these was opened only to reveal that the bodies were gone- only a humming, massive shadow that seemed to move as if made of flies or soot combined. and it spoke, too. this was the first miracle created it was discovered then that these creatures had immense power but could not leave the rooms they were imprisoned in, touch sunlight, and similarly they could not die

imagine like the witchs nightmares in pmmm and you get what its like to be a soul trapped in a miracle. u get to relive ur worst fears and regrets forever. it suck miracles also cannot direct their powers towards their own will, only the will of others. ofc they are still monsters and exact a price for their services, whatever it may be.

a meeting with a miracle does not come cheap or without consequence, bc although miracles can be performed, karma always rebalances itself in the end. monks tasked with guarding and curating the miracles are called gatekeepers and are often someone close to one of the souls trapped in the vortex anyway i think thats the basics of everything in there... i got an au w cyrus as a prince and alex as his knight and instead of sticking around for their inevitable deaths the pair run off into the countryside far far away

actually i think something went wrong in the ceremony. cyrus and alex win godkingship of then... something goes wrong. probably the whole die-to-ascend thing is a secret kept from the princen and the public and. alex does a thing a knight should not do a refuses to let the ceremony continue. and im p sure as soon as cyrus learns of the truth hes like haha well fuck that

then they spend the rest of their days actually experiencing what life is like outside of a freakish cult and my fucking feels

i think.. meanwhile the monastic order grows in influence and power making them the enemy of the church... and jonah (yonah in this au) sacrifices himself to the miracle containing his brother in order to give the miracle a corporal form. which means august and company now have a physical conduit for all that power they had.

bad news for the church! bc august was unrightfully killed bc of a prophecy saying that hed become a huge threat and a killer

funny how prophecies work!

so now hes out for blood and he probably uses his own charisma and power to stage a coup against the church and basically the country goes to hell and i think at this point cyrus thinks. i got out of there alive. i need to do something about this. so he and alex probably join in and become arbiters of the game esp since cyrus and alex were probably the best synced, most skilled prince/knight duo the church had seen up to that date so theyre very powerful. ofc theyre still only two people so i really wonder how theyll step in btwn these two opposing parties

augusts side isnt good either bc august... is only out for revenge and self interest. he has no interest in fixing the country or helping anyone in fact once august is firmly seated on the throne of power he probably declares himself god-king anyway the end game probably looks like augusts body (which is jonahs body) being destroyed and the miracle contained in it finally put to rest jonahs soul must have something to do with the exorcism process- theyve tried to exorcise miracles before and only ended up upsetting it into violent outbursts anyway thats enough rambling from me time to paste this all into a blog post

god what if august picked keith to be his knight. thats messed up. keiths so easy to manipulate and hed be such a wildcard of a knight. he has more magic potential than alex and hes faster on his feet. im imagining bloodlust frenzy almost hyena-like behavior. also i mostly just want to see keith being violent and evil and i have an outfit in mind that would look great with a little splash of red

think like minimalistic ouji but like all black and keith with knives and serving a clearly twisted (even more than usual bc of the miracle’s influence) august

god even better the aftermath of augusts death TIME FOR THE FUCKING FEELS TO KICK IN BC now Keith has no purpose/he FAILED to protect his king WHICH WAS HIS ONLY PURPOSE IN LIFE then alex coming in with cy and just no, you have inherent worth. what happened wasn't right im upset this is how alex and keith become family in this au

miracles i think in this case are definitely more of a means to an end i think narratively ie jonahs brother being killed and augusts soul being trapped within it- tho i think its a good tie-in into how the severe paranoid cultish way the society works ends up producing a lot of People Dying In Extreme Anguish

almost a buildup of sickness so to say.. a plague of the soul that's a cool avenue to go down tbh the idea that miracles are more like viruses spreading misfortune in the long run for some quick gain in this life but bc karma always collects her debts if i throw in some nice reincarnation that would effectively damn someone in their next life... that implies that this story may need to expand across different generations

mechanics being so much bullshit has happened in this country it houses multiple miracles whereas elsewhere its like one, or none, very few in their histories except possibly during wartime and famine

since magic is Exists in this it makes sense that the emotional energy combined w ambient energy would manifest in some kind of grotesque Being

oh no thats maybe why the church is manipulating things by purposely generating that emotional trauma in its society its producing unprecedented amounts of energy they can utilize as magic power oh  no thats super bad august would definitely take advantage of that bc hed definitely figure the truth out once hes back to being alive

im upset bc i think they use princens and knights to specifically create emotional energy

energy released upon death which typically happens after a knight/prince duo has been chosen... then the resulting STRONG ass char plague on their bodies are collected to make artifacts? yes

gems created from the ashen plague are embedded into a huge mandala that actually ... is the god-king itself