#im so mad that i fell in love with the story possibilities and characters in movie 1

[what-even-is-sleep]

what in the fucked-up politics, uncharacteristic moments, and disregarded family tensions was Descendants 3

[ughgoaway]

my favourite fics and writers

hi, y'all!! so I've decided that this year, I want to be more appreciative of all the amazing content we have on this app, and thank the writers providing it. this was inspired by Lily (lastnightwaskindofablur) who shared how long it took her to write her series, and it made me realise how much time and love are poured into these fics.

so this list is basically everyone im following, and my favourite piece of writing from them! I don't think I've forgotten anyone, but if I have IM SO SORRY!! if I am following you- I'm obsessed with you.

anyway, so sorry for tagging 1000 people but I love and appreciate you all so much!!

(so much rambling below the cut)

@64yrsold; “aches” is amazing and “wintering” is heartbreaking in the best way. Also, all of their one-shots are just amazing, I could read them over and over again!!

@yourtouchismidas; “ruins” was one of the first fics that had me checking AO3 every day for updates. truly heartbreaking and all-encompassing. and all the blurbs from it are also amazing. The dad! Matty content mixed with the angst is just so well done.

@abiiors; is not only one of the nicest people on this app (and maybe the world) but also one of the most talented writers. so so many amazing fics that honestly, don't even get me started on bc I will talk for HOURS. but “haunt//bed” is one fic I can't stop coming back to. And “Three’s a Party” is… mind-numbingly good, it actually made me scream into a pillow when I read it for the first time. Vee also creates all the amazing 75 Tumblr activities so really she is to thank for SO MUCH content on here!! one of the kindest people I know, and I feel so lucky to call her my friend :)))

@shinycollarboneapologist; was the blog where I started rambling and sharing ideas, so she is to thank for all the friends I've made on here!!! The Taylor verse is PHENOMENAL and “illicit affairs” is a fav. but “clandestine” has invaded my brain so much I literally dream about it regularly... so I have to say that's my no.1

@imagine-that-100; I first discovered her series "Drunk” on ao3 and then promptly binged everything on her masterlist (multiple times...) “Chicken Shop Date” is just a masterpiece (she and her co-writer are AMAZING on this and I will ramble about her later), but my personal fav is “truth serum”. I have probably read that fic about 50 times over and I love it just as much every time!!!

@heyidkyay; I first read “Who Can Say No to Bridezilla?” and became obsessed on ao3. but then I found them on Tumblr and was completely sucked into "I guess I'll take this pain, instead of your name" which is quite possibly the best George series on here. so much character building and back story, and overall just a phenomenal fic.

@justlikemebutsixfootthree; has some of the best smut on this app,” The Birthday Party” is probably my most re-read because it is just an absolute masterpiece. but “insane” and “direction” are also both amazing.

@imightgetbetter; was one of the first blogs I discovered on here, and I fell in love with the whole “Love It If We Made It” series. such an amazing development of a relationship and their writing is AMAZING. but my absolute favourites have to be “Bets are off” and “I love dilfs.”

@butyou-callmewhenyourebored; has such good Ross content all around, truly providing for the Ross girlies!!! but the Leeds au blurb 1 is my fav from them!

@drivelikeiido; has some beautiful fluff, and I just love the way they write Matty. but (not so) important decisions just make my heart warm like nothing else!!!

@toomuchracket; my beloved mads!! the fun wine aunt of 1975 Tumblr. I mean I could talk for 17 pages about my love for all of her au's... birthday party is the perfect supportive husband, d-word is the best slutty old man content on this app lol and flatmate is the friends-to-lovers content we all yearn for. asking me to choose my favourite Mads fic is like choosing a favourite child, but right now it has to be totally wrecked. I think that has altered my brain chemistry in an indescribable way… (edit; since writing this she has put out possibly my no.1 fic of all time, “and this is how it starts” so I just had to mention how much I fucking adore it)

@lottiecrabie; I mean... what else is there to even say about Lottie other than she is one of the best writers I have ever read. truly the mother of 1975 Tumblr. “rockstar girlfriend” and “pray for my soul” both have such special places in my heart, but anatomy au locked a new section in my brain fr. that little loser lives in my head rent free!!!

@tillthelandslide; is so so kind and has some amazing series I would recommend to EVERYONE. “insufferable asshole” is one of my absolute favourites, I love a grovelling man what can I say!!! but “Same for You” has me flipping sides every chapter, I still can't choose if I'm team Ross or team Matty.

@lastnightwaskindofablur; what more can I sat about the whole ATPOAIM universe other than it is quite literally phenomenal. the amount of time and effort poured into the Brittany Jackson universe is so clear by how amazing each fic and blurb is. my absolute favourite thought is "Christmas isn't cancelled (just you.)" from the 12 days of Christmas. it is easily one of my favourite fics I've read!!! She is also the whole inspiration behind this list and made me realise how important thanking your favourite writers really is.

@cowboylor; ohmyLORD the smut on this blog is just... wowowoowowowow. actually made me nervous to attempt smut because of how good theirs is. "Cabin Fever" is probably my favourite, I love a good threesome fic.

@alovesreading; the other half of the JAW DROPPING series that is “Chicken Shop Date”. the hours that have been put into that fic are so clear in how well thought out it is. every word feels purposefully placed, and every chapter fucking HITS. A also writes amazing fics for Alex Turner and is slowly making me an Alex girlie just by how good her writing is...

@bookish-strawberry; such such good fics in the "You and Me Till the End Universe". Ambrose has just created such loveable characters and you can't help but adore his writing. “alleyway” pt 1 and 2 are my favourites, I do love some fwb content.

@hypersonic04; her teacher Ross universe is just great, every blurb and fic just radiates the love between the characters that she has created!! but my absolute favourite fic of hers has to be "Tis the damn season", it somehow made me love one of my favourite songs even more.

@cryley; her “Petichor” series is just fluffy perfection, I have probably read it over 10 times and will 1000% be reading it at least 10 more...

@cows-wearing-my-sweater; has some amazing one-shots, and his work on “Eternal Summer” is absolutely beautiful. she manages to make you feel the warmth of summer through a screen, and it's fucking beautiful. 

@thefrontofmymind; has so many great matty fics/imagines, “Helping Hand” jumps out easily as my favourite though. Once again, friends with benefits is ALWAYS gonna slap. especially when they confess their feelings at the end!!!! ahhh so good. “Proof Positive” is such a good Ross fic, if you like pregnancy fics I would HIGHLY recommend it.

@uramilf; did the 12 days of Christmas last year, and every day was amazing!!! But £The Record Shop” is my favourite series from her, love and music combined are too perfect for me not to adore.

@3terna15unshin3; Marcey's fic "then because she goes" had me refreshing ao3 DAILY. este is such a well-rounded and beautiful character, her and Matty's love makes me so lovesick it's CRAZY. that whole series is my favourite, and my fav blurb from that universe is Toothbrush. Este and Matty are so beloved by me <333

@because-she-goes; has an amazing universe with Matty and an OC that I adore, Nora is such a lovely character and every fic about them makes me giddy. "black lace" and "Summer Girl" are my favourites of their fics though!

@theseventyfive; has such a way with words, every fic makes me giggle and kick my feet. but if you saw my tags on my reblog of "not so secret Santa" you know how deeply I adore that fic. the writing on it is beautiful and makes you feel warm somehow??? amazing.

@wrongendofurcigarette; George girlies it's your time to shine!!!! "sun-soaked" and "wet" swirl in my mind whenever I see a pic of George looking... particularly good. but recently she has created an actress reader au that I am BUZZING for. that little snippet was... wowowowowowowow

@automaticllamacycle; OLIVE!!!!! once again, such a nice and genuine human being and I am so so lucky to chat with her because she is the best hypeman EVER. and is amazing to bounce ideas off of. just such a kind person and I am blessed to scream to her over DM. her coffee shop AU might be my most-read fic ever. it was my daily routine at one point to wake up, go to AO3 and read that fic. when part 2 came out???? I DIEDDDDDDD. but also all of olives horny thoughts are... MUWAH chefs kiss.

@red---moon; "after party" is another fic I read regularly on ao3, sleepy matty after a party with flirting and then smut??? hellooooo yes please. also, “Souvenir” as a series is just amazing, so so so good.

@maxverstappensflatbrim; “show me yours” is such a beautiful universe, and has SO MANY CHAPTERS for you to become obsessed with. I just love every character in that universe, and Mac’s writing is amazing.

@justanamesstuff; “All I Need” is such an amazing series, and I would recommend it to anyone who loves Dad! Matty content!! But all her blubs are worth reading too!!

@procrastinatinglikeapro; is so so sweet and has some absolutely mind-blowing fics. I must have read her entire masterlist 10 times over at this point. Choosing a favourite is hard, but “Does it matter” as a series has me HOOKED. (but also I love “mango lipgloss” and “wear my name around your neck”… don't make me choose okay)

@wrestletotheground; has some absolute BANGERS that everyone MUST read. Once again, the ross-tent on this blog is amazing. “Crime and Punishment” is my fav Matty fic from them, and she absolutely killed it with “Settle Down” for Ross!!

@mybrokenveins3000; college ross SUPREMACY!!! She is right when she says she is proud of “everyday rockstar” because it's easily my fav!!

@steel-elle; beautiful writing with everything she does, but my favourite has to be “But I stay when it's hard, or it's wrong, or we're making mistakes” (is this also because I love the song New Year's Day?? perhaps…)

@kscheibles; “e la vita” is so stunning I don't even know how to verbalise it. That fic has a portion of my heart FOREVER. But college bf! Matty is truly the man we all deserve, and I am obsessed with him.

@think0fmehigh; molly!!! My love!!! What else is there to say about Molly other than she might be my fav filthy smut writer on this app, and thats a tough competition. Every time I get a snippet in DM’s from her, I feel like one of the luckiest human beings alive. Molly does not have a bad fic (despite her protests im sure) but my top two (because I CANT CHOOSE JUST ONE) have to be “Birthday Girl” and “You Get Me So High.” but honestly if you have the time, bless your life by reading every word she's ever written.

@controlmyfeet; DAD MATTY FIC. thats all I even need to say, it is SO SWEET and it makes me so happy!!!!

@bfiaflbox; sooooo much good content, but my favourites are “Wintering” and “Tonight I Wish I Was Your Girl” !!

@nowshesdoingitallthetime; kirke. This is me BEGGING for more bartender matty!!! “Cocktails, Cowboys and back alleys” is MWUAH MWUAH MWUAH. Bartender Matty is a need, I adored every second of that fic.

@wiintring; I NEED more from Christina!!! Her writing is all wonderful, and “Come here dressed in black now” does live in my mind!!! 

@grocerystorelist; “body of Christ” is made for the religious trauma girlies and the fleabag girls. PREIST MATTY DRIVES ME CRAZYYYYY. Leila is so talented, it's crazy.

@forcryingoutlloud; wowwowwowwow the smutty content on this blog… its sooooooo good. “Beg for it” and “greedy” did melt my brain in the absolute best way, like I was genuinely SWEATING at how hot it was. As is everything on her masterlist!!

@hrryshoney; gyno! Matty unlocked a whole new side to me that I had NO IDEA was there. Like… insane. And the newest photographer reader fic also drove me CRAZY because I do love a cocky fictional man and some semi-public sex…

@the1975attheirverybest; Halla’s blog is a great place for discussion, good writing and crazy intelligent analysis of the band. “Education” and “being funny in a foreign language” are just… art. Truly. The character of Amelia and the characterisation of Matty are some of my favourites on this app. Hot smut, good writing and a lovely human being- what else do you need hellooo?? (also the pegging blurb from ages ago… yeah I think about her A LOT.)

@sugar-coat-it; FILTY, AMAZING SMUT. literally, every piece on Belle’s masterlist is worth reading 100 times over. Her newest thigh-riding blurb has been rotting my brain, I can't stop going back to it and reading it. Also, the Kylo Ren fic… mask kink unlocked fr. and the matty helping you deepthroat fic is also incredible. (can I just name everything she's done orrr???)

@cinomn; Nina has some great content, and I would genuinely recommend anything!! My favourite has to be “Summer Nights”, but it's a TOUGH competition tbh!!

@noacfslut; THE WRITING SPEED ON THIS BLOG?? MIND BOGGILING. And not only is Elle speedy, but every fic all absolutely wonderful. “Jealousy jealousy” and “undo” are my favourites, but that might change when I get the chance to read her mechanic au, because from what I've heard, it's also extraordinary.

[thefiresofpompeii]

i know this is like. minus fourth world problems + autism, and maybe other fandoms have similar issues — i’ve never gone too deep into fandom spaces before and regret doing so — but. why are doctor who fans such incurable haters. i started watching in november after the specials aired and although i’ve been severely critical of certain unfortunate writing choices (as is my right. episodes that suck are… bad) i couldn’t fathom hating an entire series, an entire doctor’s/companion’s run let alone an entire showrunner’s tenure. you mean you can’t stand any of it??

it almost feels like… whenever i come across a person that loves to talk about nine and ten and donna and how much they loved wild blue yonder or w/e, they end up being a shallow moffat hater harping on about misogyny and one-dimensional women as if later series didn’t exist. whenever i find a fellow twelveclara understander who posts about missy and defends hell bent etc. suddenly i come across a post about how they hate rose? what could possibly compel you to dislike the character of rose tyler? i say this as somebody that isn’t a huge fan of tentoo. for more batshit examples saw a post along the lines of “don’t say you think tenmartha is interesting and then post about timepetals” like these are Characters bro. they’re not going to get sad. they are vehicles for the story they’re not people. tenrose was the carrier of the narrative in s2 and tenmartha in s3 and saying i enjoy the complexity of both of these relationships as they progress isn’t contradictory because that’s… the direction that the story takes????????

i don’t even hate chibnall era. even s11 has some redeemable bangers. what i mean is i fell in love with the show as a WHOLE . which means EVERY part of it is important to me and i don’t discount it. every next development builds on the previous. the timeless child ruined a lot of things but opened up many new avenues for exploration! i like the flux i like thasmin i like dhawan master i like the fugitive doctor i love dan and karvanista

you are all allergic to fun. sorry for getting mad about people getting mad it will (not) happen again. im going to go touch grass now

[theoriginaltortuga]

Thoughts and opinions on Connor and Devon through the it lives series 

warning: long post, very rambly, and spoilers abound

So this might go in headcanon territory but ill try to keep it general for this post

ILITW:

I’ll admit connor was like the fourth LI i romanced after i started playing it lives and even then it was only because i had a specific playthrough i wanted. I don’t know how other people do it, but i changed my MCs personalities and appearances based on what i wanted their ending and final nerve score to be. So Devon Hernandez, my sole survivor, needed to be kind of a prick, or at least have severe foot in mouth syndrome, while maintaining the highest nerve he could and dating Connor was the best for that

But alas I fell hard for this character i previously skipped a lot of dialogue for. Connor is a wannabe bad boy in the best possible way, he’s got the leather jacket, the cool car, and the fighting skills, all while being “forbidden” by being Stacy’s brother. (won’t lie i was expecting a slight conflict from that even if it was just in flavor text, but im not mad that she was cool with it)  

the banter between him and Devon really worked for me, and i loved how even outside of the romance specific scenes there was still acknowledgment of the relationship (whether thats a failing on pb’s part or done because he’s technically on screen less than the others im not sure) 

More on personality, Connor is interested but not pushy, acts like he’s “not too good” while being too good at all times, a caring person and a fun one, an affectionate boyfriend and doesn’t put up with people’s shit. I realized i actually cared about him the second he offered to take Devon to a diner with burgers the size of their face

Main Route (connor and MC live, all their friends are dead) : 

Jumping through time to ilw and him and Devon are horndogs living together in a cabin and scarring their friends with their sex life, which was a direction i wasn’t expecting but one i loved anyway. Again all the small acknowledgements of their relationship killed me and pet names are always a win. Connor evolved from background character and “The Love Interest” to a semi-main badass. 

One thing i loved about it lives within is that all the characters from the previous books felt like themselves in a way that’s hard to explain but basically you just bought that these were the exact same characters and the fact that it was a completely different writer never crossed my mind

There is a kind of maturity in Connor and Devon’s relationship that is nice to see because they have been together 4 years, while still staying true to the versions of them we first met

This route ended with Connor proposing to Devon and getting them their beautiful house with the porch swing and several dog children and I loved the final moments of happiness in their otherwise kind of heartbreaking story

Good Route (connor and MC live, everyone lived):

Basically the same as above, though I will say I love the idea that the whole memorial Stacy knew exactly what was about to go down and I may or may not nudge aside the idea that Devon let their friendships fall to shit and their all like bridesmaids or groomsmen, its not that them falling apart again is unrealistic or bad, it just makes me kind of sad so I ignore it in my own hc

Bad Route (connor and noah live, everyone else died and then so does Connor):

The one i just finished playing and all the interactions between Connor and Redfield!MC were so sweet and i loved them but it always held that kind of bittersweet feeling.

I played with Noah also being into Devon which was also painful, but the line “i suspected for a while now” made me laugh because all i can imagine is an internal montage of Noah being annoyed at Connor and Devon’s affection and constantly looking at Devon with heart eyes and Connor just like “wow i should’ve clocked that like last year” 

i have a lot to say on the Devon being comforted scene that i will save for the hc post but the call back to “too good” was *chefs kiss*

And towards the end realization that Connor was a horror, the accidental hope i gave the crew, and then Connor’s horrific (in the best possible way) death was so wonderfully written. You know when you read something so good that you just have to do a couple laps around the room? That was me. 

Rowan flung Connor into the fucking ceiling and the description of his blood dripping onto them and Devon was just so gnarly. Devon has lost everything, watched most of the people they loved be brutally murdered before their very eyes, and is lashing out while also being sort of aware that its not really Rowans fault which speaks a lot to their character but it hurt so freakin much

and don’t even get me started on the graveyard scene and the parallels with the other Redfield!MC graveyard scene, metal rose and all. I mentioned it before but my Devon in this route is just burnt out on love and friendship and people in a way that i’ll get into more in a hc post but yeah he’s not finding love again and i don’t think he’d ever want to

In conclusion, i love connor and devon together and I thank the og ilitw writers for writing their relationship and the ilw writers for making it even better and tearing my heart apart along with Connor’s and Devon’s in very different ways

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

TPWP Introspective

Hey guys!! So, as you noticed, there was no update today either, like I had commented that I may try and do if possible. The reason I didn’t post today, though, is because I remembered that I wrote a little introspective thing about TPWP a few days ago that I wanted to post before the next chapter, if possible. I spent the last hour and a half intermittently touching it up (while also talking to friends, ha). I wrote this after waking up at five in the morning and not being able to go back to sleep, so I was fairly tired and rambley when writing it, ha. 

Anyway, this is pretty long discussion about something that’s bugged me about TPWP for a little while, which is why I’ve made Taka so sexual despite not really thinking he would be like that in canon. In my attempt to write about that, my exhausted self also went into another problem I have with TPWP, which is the fact that neither Taka nor Mondo are really like their canon selves anymore. And while that was a purposeful thing, I never could pinpoint why, and I think I managed to in this post, so there’s that, ha. 

Now, it’s getting late and I’m very tired, so I’ll add my introspective thingy in a read more. It’s about 5k words and goes over a lot about Taka and Mondo’s interpretation in TPWP. 

Hey all! So, I wanted to go over something that’s been bugging me for a while in TPWP, though no one else seems annoyed by it. But I kind of am, so I just wanted to… I don’t know. Discuss it in case anyone else also has problems with it, but just isn’t bringing it up in comments. And the thing that I wanted to talk about is the fact that I’ve made Taka and Mondo so sexual in this story, despite this not really striking me as something Taka, in particular, would be like. In order to discuss all that, though, I have to go through a bunch of other explanations about what my main goal in this story has always been, as a kind of backstory. So, buckle up, my friends. This is a doozy.

 See, while I didn’t have much of an idea when I started writing, the one thing I knew I wanted to play around with was the idea of dismantling Taka and everything that makes him tick. In the game, he is shown as a strict, passionate, highly motivated character, spending so much time studying and trying to better himself that he lost sight of who he is other than that. He doesn’t have friends and confesses to Makoto that he doesn’t even understand how people make friends through connecting over things like television, since he’s so detached from anything other than his goals. The writers even comment on how he is almost mad with his passion and righteousness. 

 That whole persona seems so unattainable to me. I’m someone who seeks ‘perfection,’ right? I’m a perfectionist and it burns me so much to know that no matter what I do, there will always, ALWAYS be faults in the things I create. I put myself and my creations against others and always find myself lacking. It burns me and makes me feel so… I don’t even know. Unhappy.  Upset. Things like that. And I’ve gotten much better with this over the years, right? I accept that my work will not be perfect, and that anything I can create is enough since I created it and I enjoyed creating it. But the feeling is still there. The unhappiness. The discontent. 

 So, when I saw Taka and his madness to become better, I wanted to take that and see if I could deconstruct it. If I could break Taka down to his core, expose all of the secret little things inside of him that he must be hiding to present such a ‘perfect’ front, and turn it on its side. To give Taka reasons for his madness to better himself and then take it apart. Or, in other words, the entire premise I had for this story was to take Taka and break him down. And then, then I would build him back up. Into something less ‘perfect,’ less rules oriented, but a hell of a lot happier. Because in canon… Taka didn’t really strike me as happy. Not based on the things he would say to Makoto in both free time events and the school mode. 

 In order to do that, of course, I had to completely break apart the things that made him so rule oriented in the first place. And to someone who has spent almost their entire life building up this one persona, that sort of thing can be terrifying and uncomfortable. And it can lead to a lot of confusion and scrambling afterwards. 

 Chapter 17 was where I made the biggest break for Taka. I’d been chipping away at him for the first 16 chapters, and then 17 was the one where I took my sledgehammer and went to town. That chapter was the one in which Taka realized just how unhappy and discontent he had been growing up. He’d always stuffed that down and ignored it in order to keep going, forcing himself to ignore his pain so that he could become all that he wanted to be. He wasn’t even conscious of doing this since it was so deeply engrained in him by that point. Like I said in the very first chapter, Taka would run so fast and so fervently from his insecurities growing up that he didn’t even notice that they were occurring within him. Or if he did, he ignored them until it all went away.

 In chapter 17, Taka stopped being able to run. His feelings for Mondo created a huge rift inside him and he didn’t know how to handle it. And then, after his conversion with his father, he realized that he’d been forcing everything down for all of his life, to the point that he didn’t know who he was. He wanted to be an upright, moral individual, but how could he be if he is in love with a man? How can he be when he can feel such impure, base desire for someone, a man especially? And I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with a man loving a man, not at all! Just… it went against the carefully constructed morality Taka, personally, had spent his entire life forcing himself to abide by, and that was a huge blow to him. He couldn’t comprehend it and he just… fell apart. 

 But he didn’t fall apart alone. Mondo was there to catch him as he fell, was there to help gather the pieces, and Taka latched onto that. He didn’t know what was happening or why, but he knew that Mondo was a vital component to all of it. In a way… Mondo was everything to him. 

 The main point is that I wanted to break Taka’s character apart, mostly because I cannot imagine someone being that moral and upright while not being completely miserable (or without actually being completely immoral, like all those people who preach righteousness while actually doing horrible things behind the scenes without care). There’s a sort of misery in enforced righteousness, especially considering how horrible the world can be. I liked Taka and I wanted him to be happy. And I couldn’t, for the life of me, imagine him being the way he was portrayed in the game and also being happy. Maybe that’s just me projecting, but… I don’t know. 

 But deconstructing years of a carefully constructed persona is— like I said— terrifying. And for someone like Taka, whose entire life plan was crafted around a certain image? I can only imagine that would be like jumping off a plane into a black, inky darkness, no idea where you’re going to land. But Taka did that, because the only other option was to continue living with intense unhappiness, lying to himself to keep his sanity. But the problem with lying to yourself is that it gets so much harder once you know the truth. It can be done, of course, but it leads to even more unhappiness and pain and Taka… Taka realized that he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to be in pain anymore. He… he wanted to be happy. Which is an incredibly hard thing to accept when you’ve spent years silently accepting your own unhappiness as a fact of life. 

 As such, everything that has occurred since chapter 17 has been Taka’s attempt at constructing a new personality, in a way. A personality that marries the beliefs and goals he has always had while also combining them with a new sense of happiness and contentment in his life that before now he’s never felt. And this… this is so, so hard for him to do. 

 And it gets harder when his and Mondo’s relationship shifts. When he gets a taste of something he’d previously not allowed himself to ever, ever feel. Which brings us to the questions of why, exactly, I put so much sexual content into this story, despite it not seeming like something Taka would really want to do in canon.

 Because… it’s not about pleasure. Right? It was never about pleasure or desire. It was about Taka allowing himself to feel something that every human feels (or, you know. Not every human. But a lot). It was about making Taka acknowledge that he is feeling these ‘impure,’ ‘sinful’ desires and allowing him to feel it. And, of course, this can be overwhelming. Taka has never allowed himself to feel these sorts of things before, had always pushed them so far down he couldn’t even see them. So far down he could pretend they weren’t there. 

 But they were. They always were. Taka can feel desire and attraction. He can feel them just fine. The whole point of the sexual content was to show Taka that it is okay to feel like that and that it’s not wrong or immoral. That Taka can feel attracted to someone, a man especially, and not feel ashamed. But more than that, it’s about allowing Taka to acknowledge that can be who is he in general without shame. That he doesn’t always have to be ‘perfect’ or infallible. That he can just be… Taka.

 The biggest problem in all of this, however, is the fact that Taka is not the only character in this story. He’s not the only one going through a metamorphosis. Because Mondo? Oh, you can bet your sweet behind I was making Mondo go through his own metamorphosis, too. 

 Because everything I said about Taka up until now? I also feel about Mondo. I view Mondo’s tough guy, biker persona just like I view Taka’s upright, moral one. It’s a facade. Something that is hiding what is truly going on under the surface. It protects their soft, gooey innards, keeping them both safe whilst also providing them a sense of being. Of belonging. 

 But it’s not healthy. Hiding behind a persona, not letting your true emotions show. It’s unhealthy and leads to, you know… pain and unhappiness. And Mondo… Mondo also strikes me as a somewhat unhappy character. His disconnect in the game is less towards other people, however, and more towards himself. Makoto acknowledges many times after speaking with Mondo during free time events that he has a hidden side to him. A softer, ‘cuter’ side that he tries (and fails, ha) to keep hidden. 

 Like with Taka, I wanted to break Mondo’s carefully constructed persona and remove this hidden person inside him. I wanted to bring that person to the surface, finally allowing Mondo to stop feeling like he has to hide behind anger and rage and being ‘strong’. I wanted… I don’t know. To allow Mondo to not feel so ashamed of his weaker side, I guess. 

 This was a lot harder to do than with Taka, though, for a couple reasons. One, I was not writing from Mondo’s perspective in TPWP, which means all of his metamorphosis was being seen through the eyes of another. Which is not always easy to portray, sadly. For another, Mondo has a huge reason to keep his inner self hidden and locked away. Taka’s reason is shame and a desire to prove himself, right? This, in my eyes, is fairly simple to deconstruct. All you have to do is find a way to remove the shame and realize that it’s okay to feel what you feel. And yes, this is challenging, but… it’s not impossible. 

 Mondo, though? What’s keeping Mondo back isn’t just shame and a desire to prove himself. No. What’s holding Mondo back is guilt. Mondo feels guilty for his weakness. He feels guilty that his supposed ‘weakness’ killed his brother. He feels guilty that this same ‘weakness’ is preventing him from telling the truth, from accepting the responsibility for his supposed crime. Mondo, in many ways, hates himself. In this story, at least. And guilt is a much, much harder emotion to deconstruct than shame. There’s also the fact that I made Mondo an abuse survivor, which adds another element into this all that I won’t get into since this whole thing is already much longer than I’d initially intended, oof. 

 Anyway. The point here is that both Taka and Mondo are going through this metamorphosis at the same time. And I did this purposely since I wanted to have them help each other grow. Right? Because I view Taka and Mondo as very similar characters. They both have a need to prove themselves and a sense of inner righteousness that guides them in what they do. They just took opposite paths in their expression of these things. But ultimately, at their core, Taka and Mondo are very similar in my eyes. 

 Honestly, that’s part of why I had them hate one another in the beginning (on top of the fact that they didn’t get along in the game at first either, ha). That was each of them seeing themself in the other, and absolutely hating what they saw. Because they hate themselves. Because they cannot stand the persona they’ve created. Because it’s such a painfully false front that it’s almost offensive to them to see it on another. 

 Chapter ten was my way of letting them acknowledge a sense of self love for the first time. By accepting the other as flawed, but still fundamentally good, it allowed them to see themselves in a somewhat positive light for the first time. To accept that this person they once hated with all of their heart is… not that bad when it comes down to it. And not only are they not that bad, but they’re actually kind of amazing, really. 

 I… hm. I don’t really know where I’m going with this. I am very tired and am kind of just rambling at this point. I guess I just… I wanted to acknowledge that I’ve changed both of these characters a lot from canon, Taka especially. And this change has been expressed in a great way in Taka’s increased sexuality. And that I know this, that I know this isn’t really what canon Taka would act like, but that’s kind of the point. As much as I love Taka as a character, he’s kind of one dimensional. All of the characters in Danganronpa are. I think, in a way, they’re meant to be. But when you spend time with them, during the free time events and the school mode, you begin to see a slightly more well-rounded picture. 

 But it… it still feels a little flat to me. A little hollow. So, in this story, I just… wanted to flesh out these characters that I like and see so much potential in. I wanted to take them, give them tragic backstories, and see if I could find a way to give them balance. To keep them somewhat the same as they once were, to not fully remove their canon aspects, but not have that be their sole, defining characteristic anymore. Taka is still the Ultimate Moral Compass, and Mondo is still the Ultimate Biker Gang Leader. But that’s not all they are. Not by the end of the story. 

 Now, did I succeed in my plan? I… honestly, I don’t know. This entire thing was never something I consciously thought of while writing. It was more… a desire of mine, which might be why I’m having such a hard time describing it here, ha. It’s up to all of you to determine if I succeeded in writing these characters in a way that respects their canon characterization, while also adding a sense of balance within them. 

 Also— not to sound pretentious (though I know I am, oof. I always am when dead tired, sorry)— but in a way, this whole story was a metaphor for self-acceptance and self-love. And allowing yourself to find peace in who and what you are, no matter what. I made Taka and Mondo literary parallels in this story for a reason, giving them similar backstories (Taka was abused by bullies and neglected by his father; Mondo was abused by his father and neglected by his mother. Mondo’s brother died, leaving a hole in his heart; Taka’s mother died, leaving a hole in his heart. Taka watched his grandfather fall from grace and used that as a catalyst to ‘better’ himself, thus hiding all the unpleasant and unsavory aspects about himself; Mondo watched his brother die and used that as a catalyst to ‘better’ himself, thus hiding all the unpleasant and unsavory aspects about himself… etc.) to showcase this metaphor, in a way. 

 And it… it was to show that them helping the other grow symbolizes allowing yourself to grow, too. It symbolizes taking all the harsh and ugly parts of yourself that you hate, seeing it in another person, and realizing you actually love them, really. It symbolizes showing kindness to yourself for your faults, something I personally struggle with. By having Taka and Mondo love one another so fiercely, even without fully knowing why… it symbolizes, in my mind, letting you love yourself. 

 And, like… I know how pretentious this sounds, ha. And I don’t think I really succeeded in portraying all of this, unfortunately. But I just… I don’t know. I love the idea of Taka and Mondo and I wanted to write a story where they love one another unconditionally, while at the same time learning to love themselves too. 

 In many ways, I wish I had made this story take place over the span of a longer amount of time. Three months is just… it’s too quick to do everything I wanted to do in this story. Like I’ve said before, this story was never meant to be so long, word count wise. And a lot of what I wrote about here was not really planned when I started writing. While I wanted to deconstruct Taka, I didn’t really realize how long that would take, oof. Or what it all would entail. I thought three months would be plenty of time in universe, but then more and more things started happening, and by the time I realized it would need more time to progress naturally, I had passed the point of no return, pretty much.

 If I could do this story all over again, I think I’d make it take place over the span of a year instead. I’d start the school year in April, like it’s supposed to be in Japan, and extend the amount of time Taka and Mondo were enemies. I’d have them become friends shortly before summer break and when they come back, have them go through the beginnings of their friendship like I had it in the story, but allowing it more time to progress. Taka and Mondo would still have their fight on Halloween, since that’s kind of an important aspect of that chapter, but they’d have had a longer time to be friends before that occurred. And then, after that, they’d have their physical relationship progress a lot more naturally and less hurriedly, the relationship spanning from perhaps right before winter break begins to the end of the school year in Japan, which is March. It would give them more time to come to terms with everything and accept themselves. 

 Part of me honestly kind of does want to change around TPWP to do this, but it would change a lot of fundamental parts of the story, which would be a lot of work. And if I was planning on publishing this story, I’d definitely do it since I think it would fix a lot of the problems that I have with how this story progresses. Three months is not long enough to completely deconstruct your entire personality, really. A year is a lot better and makes more sense to me. But, as it stands, I… I like TPWP. Is it perfect? No. But… that’s kind of the point? Nothing is perfect and if I allow myself, I’ll keep digging myself into more and more holes with this story, and at some point, I just… have to acknowledge I did the best I could and move on. Also, I do think that having it take place over three months isn’t completely unrealistic. Not with how unhappy both Taka and Mondo already had been. And there are some things that would be unrealistic if it took place over a year, too, so… eh.

 I really don’t know where I’m going with this anymore, dear god. I’m going to go back to my original point real quick and hopefully finish this now hour long, rambling rant I’ve for some reason been going on. Jeez. 

 So. The purpose of the sexual content in this story. It— like a lot of other things in this story— was more meant as kind of like… a metaphor. It’s not about the sex, it’s about self-acceptance. Taka spent so many years denying himself and his sexuality, fearing it and feeling ashamed of it. By allowing himself to be sexual and intimate with Mondo, he’s accepting that aspect of himself and embracing it. But, because he spent so long denying it, he doesn’t quite know when it’s too much. He’s spent his life pushing down his discontent and discomfort to become what other people want him to be, and as such, he doesn’t quite know where his own boundaries lie. 

 And I’m going to be quite honest with y’all: Taka doesn’t enjoy the sexual acts quite as much as he thinks he does. No, I’m not saying that Mondo is taking advantage of Taka, or that Taka hates what they’re doing, not at all! Just… Taka feels uncomfortable with the things he and Mondo are doing, but because he enjoys the sensation and enjoys being close to Mondo, he pushes down the feeling of discontent, like he’s done all of his life. He just… doesn’t know what else to do. He knows he likes being close to Mondo, knows he enjoys the things they do together, but can’t quite put his finger on the fact that he doesn’t really enjoy being sexual. That he only likes the sexual acts because it’s the only way he can be close to Mondo in the way he wants, both physically and— in a way— emotionally. 

 And part of Taka does realize this, right? The deep, deep, hidden part of himself that only comes out at night when everything else is silent. I call this the ‘introspective’ part. But this is a hard part of yourself to access and acknowledge. Especially when you’re young. I, personally, am a very introspective person. It’s why I can write about emotions and feelings decently, and why I am currently writing this little introspective about TPWP. But it was a lot harder for me when I was a teen to realize what that introspection meant. It’s why I didn’t realize I had undiagnosed anxiety until I was eighteen and in college, which was ironically a lot easier for me than high school was. It took me being out of the situation I was in to look at myself and realize exactly why I felt what I felt, even though I knew I felt that stuff much earlier. 

 Taka’s still in his bad situation, though. He’s still struggling with the desire of what he wants and what he’s forcing himself to settle for. And, basically, he doesn’t understand why he’s unhappy at being sexual. He knows on a base level that he is, but he can’t quite place his finger on the why. Which is, as I’ve said, because it’s not really what he wants. He’s settling for having Mondo in whatever way he can because he thinks he has to. But it’s not what he wants, and it’s honestly killing him inside to be so close to his desired outcome, but not have it. He hates that the only way he can have Mondo is in such a shallow, debased way, but he’s forced himself to believe that this is all he will ever have, and that he must be happy with it or else he will lose it, like he’s lost every good thing in his life before that point. And the thought of losing what he and Mondo have is just… it’s too much for him. He’s still figuring himself out, still building his new personality from the ruins of the old, and he kind of needs Mondo to help prop him up as he does this. 

 (Which is, by the way, unhealthy in a relationship. It’s very codependent and can lead to some negative outcomes in its own right. But this rant of mine has been going on for almost two hours, so I’m not going to get into this right now. Just know that I know, and that it’s not intended to be portrayed as a good thing. None of Taka’s coping mechanisms are, which is why they all fail in the end, leaving him discontent. But as of now, Taka kind of needs Mondo, so he’s overlooking the potential negative outcome and is just allowing himself to have Mondo. Make sense?) 

 In the end, the only way for Taka to fully come to terms with everything that is swirling within him is to have Mondo acknowledge the love they share for each other, since he can’t accept everything about himself until Mondo does. He needs Mondo to look at him, look at his flaws, and say ‘I love you no matter what. You are not perfect, but I still love you.’ And while Mondo has done this to some degree, it’s not the love Taka not-so-secretly desires. But, like I said earlier, Mondo is going through his own metamorphosis and isn’t quite at that stage yet. 

 All of this comes to a head in the last three chapters of TPWP. Does everything get resolved by the end? No. Of course not. There’s just not enough time for that. Discovering yourself takes years, really. And you never finish. Even if I had elongated the amount of time this story takes place to a year, there still would be things unresolved when the story ended. 

 That being said, the main problems both Taka and Mondo are going through reach a conclusion. I don’t want to go too much into this to prevent spoilers, but just know that everything I brought up here? Gets some form of acknowledgment in the last chapters and gets some manner of resolution. And everything else was initially intended to be resolved in sequels, which may or may not be written, who knows. But TPWP ends in a way that even without further writing from my part, I firmly believe that all of y’all can see where Mondo and Taka will go from here. That it won’t be easy, but that they will eventually figure themselves out. 

 So… yeah. That insanely long and complicated rant boils down to this: Taka and Mondo being sexual is not really about them being sexual but is about them understanding and accepting their love not just for one another, but for themselves, too. It’s a catalyst. And I didn’t go over Mondo’s views on this all, and I won’t since this has gone on so long (plus I’ve not written Mondo’s perspective on those chapters yet, so even I don’t fully know, though I have ideas), but believe me when I say it’s more than just sex for him, too. That’s one of the reasons why I didn’t really want to categorize this story as explicit at first, since it’s never been about the sex to me. It’s… more than that. 

 I don’t know if any of this made any sense, but I think I’m going to stop now. Maybe I’ll go back when I’m less tired and expand on this (and I’ll let y’all know if I do, writing after this break if I added anything or not) (I added a little to some parts and took out a couple of parts, but mostly this is the same thing I wrote between 5 and 7 am when I couldn’t sleep, ha), but for now, I’ll leave it. 

  ~

And— final thing (that I added after trying to fall back asleep and failing, ha)— maybe I’m being more pretentious about my writing than it deserves. Maybe I’m saying all of this to try and excuse the flaws in my writing, like I always do internally. But… I don’t know. This is legitimately the sort of thing that went through my head whilst writing. I knew I wanted to put these elements in my story, even if I wasn’t consciously thinking about it, but trying to do all of that is just… hard. And I’m limited as a writer, I’ll acknowledge that. My thoughts are too big for my head and trying to write them all down is complicated for me. It’s why this little introspective is so long and rambling. It’s my way of trying to not just get you all to figure out what I mean, but also get myself to understand it. Because, while I know what I mean on an abstract, metaphysical level, I don’t really understand it all myself in a concrete, definable level. And this rambling is me trying to make sense of that. Does… does that make any sense at all? Or is this just gibberish? I don’t know. I think I understand it, but I have no idea if anyone else will. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 Anyway. I hope this didn’t come across as too pretentious or like I’m trying to show off how ~~intellectual~~ I am. That’s not my intention at all. It’s just… it’s how I think. And it’s how I show myself to the world, in a way. My written work is always so personal to me. I put a lot of myself into my work, sometimes intentionally, but often unintentionally. And I’m not saying I went through any of what I put Mondo or Taka through. In fact, almost none of it relates to my life at all. I was never abused by anyone, nor was I bullied in school. I have a fairly good relationship with my parents and was well liked by my classmates, even when I didn’t really go to class often due to illness. I am not impoverished, nor have I ever really faced high expectations from family or the people around me. I’ve never really had to anguish over my sexuality, since I accepted myself as asexual pretty easily, though I still struggle to be open about it with everyone. And I’ve never lost a loved one.

 So… no. It’s not that I’ve gone through what the characters have gone through. But… the emotions. The feeling. All of that… it’s me. Even if it’s imagined or created, I feel everything that I write and put down. It’s why angst comes more naturally to me, since I’ve felt a lot of negative emotions in my life. And most of it is self-inflicted. Like… I mentioned that I never had high expectations from family, but I did from myself. I expected so, so much from myself, and I still do. And while I was always well liked by my peers, I still felt alienated from them, like I… I don’t know. Didn’t really belong. And I feared that if they ever got to truly know me, THEN they’d hate me, and that was just… I don’t know. Too much for me. The thought that these things could happen. That I could have good things and then, through my own personal failings, lose them. 

 These fears are where I come from when writing. My fear of being hated and isolated. My fear of never being enough. My fear of letting everyone down. My fear of always being alone and losing the people I love. I write about it in my stories and I… I find a way to fix it. To show myself that even if something like that did happen, it… it can get better. You can still be loved even if you are flawed and kind of broken inside. And maybe I don’t believe that I ever will find love, maybe I can’t believe that anyone would look at me like that if they truly got to know me, but it’s still nice to read about it. To see my fears in characters I love and have them be okay in the end. It’s why I always like to have at least somewhat happy endings in my stories. I need to see that it’s okay. That even if the worst-case scenario happened… I’d still be okay. 

 (Also, I know people are going to ask this, but please know that yes, I am okay. I get like this sometimes, where I think a lot about stuff, and it can be overwhelming, which is why I write it down. It’s funny that I’ve never had a diary or journal, since it seems like something that would help me, but writing things down for my personal perusal never made sense to me. It’s why I always post things like this. It’s really personal, but it helps me feel better. Like I’m being understood in some way. So, just… know that I’m doing alright. I just wanted to try and explain something that has been bugging me in this story for a while now that I finally found the words for. And by letting it out into the world, I can remove it from my chest, I suppose. But introspection doesn’t really upset me much. It’s cathartic more than anything. Painful and confusing while going through it but relieving once it’s done. All I ask is to be heard, that’s all. And understood if possible. If you’re willing.)

 (Also also, please know that I wrote this little introspective several days ago while very tired, and I’m over this burst of emotions by now mostly. So, again, I’m really okay. And I’m not pulling a Taka, trying to pretend I’m doing alright when I’m not. I do mean it, ha.)

 (Also also also, but y’all can see where I get my writing style from when looking at this, ha. This is basically my thought process written down, which is why TPWP is written the way it is. I write like I think, which is long, rambling, and emotive. Just a little fun fact. ^-^)

[freddieslater]

could i be sending this on instagram? yes. am i sending it on here anyway for fun? also yes

currently on the season 5 finale and wow i forgot how much i hate the dumblebys. i’ve never wanted to murder a fictional character more. it’s bloody annoying that that shit goes on in real life too. fuck capitalism

tee implying candi-rose reminds her of carmen? iconic. those two deserved more screen time together… actually i really hope that the finale of this show, whenever it eventually ends, features every kid who ever lived in the dg since at least the start of tbr, plus mike, tracy, cam… everyone. if the finale is just 2 full hours of everyone swapping stories and reminiscing i will be happy

ok but actually i’m very upset about mission totally possible, i’d missed it in previous rewatches so my dumb ass watched that mindfuck of an episode for the first time ever at 2am and i think i lost braincells from it

honestly most of the latter half of s5 is very disorienting and oddly done. did anything between the wardrobe and where you belong even happen. i mean i know most of it did because charlie moved in but the tone is so odd and wrong. i’m very confused

i forget how much i love adult elektra, in both s5 and s8 she is i c o n i c. she really just said fuck the system huh. and got frank involved? beautiful.

the amount of scheming occurring this episode is absolutely astounding. i’m amazed liam isn’t involved

ryan being protective over all the younger kids is my new religion thank you and goodbye. you can just tell he would’ve been such a good brother to chloe if things had gone differently

floss may be a capitalist but apparently she’s also a feminist, honestly i can’t wait to see what she does when she leaves the dg (that’ll only be in a few years?? mad. she joined this show when she was six)

alex really thought he can steal roman relics from a museum alone, with about an hour of planning and wearing distinct clothes? fool. he could never get away with a heist as clean as the money one, im amazed anyone fell for dumbleby’s lie

wait hold on. why can’t they just move from house to house like they did from elm tree to ashdene?? that seems like b i g plot hole

oh god oh fuck i’m on season 6 oh no

I'm happy you're still sending your rambles on here because it means we get to force other people to see TDG content.

The dumbleby's really are some of the worst characters in TDG. Not badly written, but written well enough to make us despise them. And yeah, it really does suck that this is just real life, like, people fully will not care about disrupting these kids lives and giving them further trauma just to make some money.

I was so happy that Tee implied Candi-Rose reminds her of Carmen because they really are quite similar! You are galaxy-brained, that is exactly the finale we need. I don't even want a plot. I want raw emotion of all of these characters reminiscing and giving the actors a chance to show their love for each other and the show through their characters. I want to see characters that just missed each other finally interact. The older ones from the very start marvelling over how big the little ones who were there at their time now are, and how they've taken over their roles to the younger ones. I even want, if possible, a few cameos from TSOTB characters, specifically Crash, Jackie, Justine, and most unlikely, Ben. The finale better at least be more than a half hour, because I will never be satisfied with that.

I will give you that, mission totally impossible was... weird. I mean, it's one of my favourite episodes because it's mostly Jody centric, and has Jody/Tyler AND Ryan/Tyler content, so I really can't complain about that. But the actual plot was.... something else.

On that note, I really do not like most of season 5. Like you said, it's disorienting, all of the episodes feel like fillers but not in a good way - especially the wardrobe episode, I hate that one specifically with a passion because it's just so weird and feels completely wrong from the tone of the rest of the show. Season 5 was not one of their better seasons. Glad they've moved away from whatever they were trying to do there.

Adult Elektra! Iconic really is the only word to describe her. She's the same but more mature, with a better sense of what she wants and what she's doing, and a bit more responsibility, and I really love that look on her. And yes, her getting Frank involved was the cherry on top; she really can't stop roping him into her schemes, just like her first episode. I desperately wanted Liam to be involved in those episodes because he would have been a very useful and welcome addition to the scheme team, and he was still living with Frank, as far as I'm aware? We deserved adult Elektra/Frank/Liam team up. We need the scheme team back together!!

Ryan is my villain origin story and it's only strengthened when he interacts with the younger ones. That boy would have been the best big brother.

Floss being a feminist does make sense to me. And I love that for her! It's about the only thing I do love for her lmoafkajsksjhd but yeah, I actually kinda do wanna know what she plans to do when she leaves the dg, because we haven't heard much about that? She had an interest in dance and acting and some other things, and she's been quite determined recently to do whatever she can to make money, so I definitely see her being an entrepreneur of some sort. Either that or the scariest business woman alive.

Look, Alex is trying his best, okay? That boy has about two brain cells. And that's being generous. But I love his effort, at least. No thought and no plan, but A+ for effort.

Honestly, that is a big plot hole. The change in building from Elm Tree to Ashdene Ridge in general is a bit of a plot hole because they never actually discuss it within the show? Obviously at the wedding, Tracy says she knew the old one better, which at least kind of acknowledges that it's definitely not the same house, but it's so weird that they never even tried to explain within the show why they had to move and change the name. So, the fact that they made a big deal of possibly having to move building this time was definitely odd. Like... we KNOW they've already done it. They COULD do it again, potentially, if they had the money or whatever they need. I think the plot was just for the Drama and the Angst of nearly being separated, which I can appreciate, at least.

Oh no. Good luck to you, season 6 will destroy you again. It always kills me. That's why it's one of my favourites.

[tartagliaxx]

first off, hello 🤷‍♀️ anon! sorry i missed you out

and secondly, dw, marius is my favourite too lol, he reminds me a lot of my younger cousin who i lived with when i was younger. i was always the one who took care of him and marius calling me older sister just set off so much memories of my childhood. the both of them are also vv similar in personality, attention seeking, playful and artistic so i always see him whenever i look at marius.

artem is probably my second favourite ngl, ever since i read his ssr where he was jealous and got drunk (what a good combination lmao) i just grew so soft for him. at the end of the day, he's just a vv soft sweetheart who's insecure that we'll leave him :(( i have like 3 ssrs at lvl36, two of them are artem cards and the other is luke. i vibe with luke too bc i love the childhood friends trope, it's top tier. and as for vyn... i have vv mixed feelings abt him. i feel like he could so easily see through me if he was real and i'm just like, how about no. he's rlly pretty though, like rlly pretty.

*major spoilers*

and you've finished the archon quests!!! personally, i feel like the ending felt a bit rushed(?). it's weird bc i thought the resistance war against the raiden shogun was supposed to be the center of the story, but it just devolved to us helping yae with the entire war being swept to the side. and i already knew somebody was gonna die, and as soon as i saw that teppei had become the captain, i just knew.

it's interesting bc i would love to explore what happened to la signora and scaramouche to make them so disregarding of human life. like, i don't like them, but i want to understand their minds. it's sad to read signora's artifact's background honestly. and the fact that her crown said she used to be called rosalyne, that she had perhaps once led a more innocent and naive existence. i dunno, to me it seems like a good ending for her honestly, she had already lost herself after her lover's death and brings pain to many others, i don't think she can rlly return to being her again.

and honestly, a lot of people are talking abt scaramouche not telling signora he already had the gnosis and saying that he orchestrated her death, i don't rlly think so. i feel like he's just that apathetic to human life, even if it's someone that stands on his side, he just doesn't care enough. it also says how he never got along with anyone, not even his fellow harbingers, so i don't know why ppl expect him to seek out someone he doesn't like just to warn her of danger.

i vibe with scaramouche and la signora as the antagonists bc they're good antagonists, but as characters, well. other than the fact that they're pretty, they have like one likeable trait and that is their loyalty. they would do anything for the tsaritsa even if it cost them their life. i'm rlly excited to see what the tsaritsa has in store for us in the future.

considering our sibling is nicknamed 'the prince/princess', i wonder if there's gonna be a day where we're gonna have to go toe to toe with them. if we had them backed them into a corner with no way out, i wonder if they would kill us. it would be an interesting twist if we could actually die, but i feel like the protagonist halo will prevent it lol and i'm sorry bc god, this is so long.

— r. anon

marius. that’s the tweet. man,, you dont realize how in love i am w him?? like,, this man was literally my only hope when i fell horribly sick. i cant w myself now that i’m hearing it w my own voice. it must be nice to remember the good ol’ days… i despise my cousins and i dont have siblings so i dont really have that sort of connection w him. to me, his onee-san is just a joke? a petname? idk but it simultaneously makes me so mad and giddy just like childe’s existence does

i like vyn bc his vibes are sus but at the same time, he’s cares abt our mental health 🥺👉👈 no one’s ever said shit like that to me… jokes aside, luke is seriously threatening his spot bc of his blushing bs like pls 🤲 i’m so weak for that shit give me more. artem makes me soft too like,, he keeps mentioning that he trusts us and he’s just…. HE’S A BIG TEDDY BEAR THAT BLUSHES AT LIKE ACCIDENTAL HAND BRUSHES GRRRR. in conclusion, i love them all.

but man,, give me ssr luck… literally, im in pain…

now that the excitement’s worn off, i can now judge things properly. i think that… the pacing is horrible. like the plot is good, genuinely, but there’s just,, so much to explore abt this. if you think abt it, this is the climax and yet we didnt get much. scratch that. we got a lot but it’s all underdeveloped that it felt like nothing. we go to sangonimiya, got promoted, became captain for like, one sec before we are sent onto an investigation that didnt really produce any results bc app teppei alr knows everything? and then the delusion thing is a good plot point but it’s not really explored? just… a lot of things are left unexplored and i think that story wise, a lot of the possible lore explanations went down the drain. it would’ve been nice if we saw more abt the rebellion and if we had gotten to know whats the real deal w the commissions but eh… idk… i would’ve rather done more quests abt this whole storyline than like… do that whole dance w the three people who lost their vision in 2.0.

if im going to be honest, la signora is such a wasted character. like maybe her death was just for the shock factor or maybe it’s to prepare us for more harbinger encounters in the future.. idk but she’s such a good character from what we’ve seen but we know jack shit abt her and her motives. we know a little from the artifact set but beyond that, what do we have?

precisely! that’s how i feel abt this whole thing when we’re talking seriously. like w ei, i dont really agree w whatever they’re doing but i want to understand why they do the things that they do. everything has a reason and their psychology is just interesting to me.

i think scaramouche’s nature makes it easy for him to disregard human life. call it arrogance or whatever but ultimately, he’s seeing himself as smth above all these people bc he’s more or less capable of standing toe to toe w a god. why should he bother telling signora? it’s not like he gains anything if he does. i think that when he got the gnosis, he’s just ‘well she dies if she dies. who cares abt that? i dont have any need for incompetent colleagues anw’ i agree and i dont think he orchestrated her death but at the same time, he just allowed it to happen too.

as for signora, i’m actually surprised? for the most part, i think that the harbingers took their posts for selfish reasons. for scara, it’s to entertain himself and pass time. for childe, it’s to fight and grow stronger. for dottore, it’s to conduct dubious research w/o anyone stopping him. i expected signora to have some similar motive like power or money but it seems like she does actually believe in the tsaritsa? it would be very intriguing if signora’s main motive in becoming a harbinger is simply bc she is loyal to the tsaritsa and her will. bc in contrast, i think scara and dottore are more loyal to the fact that the tsaritsa can give them what they want, not bc they actually like her. actually, idek if they’re willing to die for her lol. like i wouldnt be surprised if they suddenly abandon post in a life or death situation but who knows…

in any case, they are very good antagonists. i like yo think that the tsaritsa isnt as bad as the game portrays her to be… of all the gods, she’s the one im looking forward to the most but… haha… what version would that be….

i’m almost certain that they’ll make us fight our twin maybe before we face the unknown god? if one of them dies, i would be very sad. like legit. but knowing mhy, well, our twin is almost 100% a walking death flag.

anw i’m shutting up rn— i also spoke too much kahdjabdhakbsjansb—

[hcs-on-the-loose]

Pillars and upper moons swap roles au?? I wonder what will they be like >:D

Pillar / Upper Moon Roleswap AU??? I GOTCHU DUDE

I only have a 5 character limit though so I picked out 2 Pillars and 2 Upper Moons! ENJOY THE FEAST

Yeet im dumb i forgot to put down uh possible spoilers aye

-

The Pillars

Shinobu Kocho - Upper Moon 4

Known as the Lady Butterfly, mistress of poison, she who had slaughtered Slayer after Slayer in single strokes. Some say the last thing you hear is a woman’s soft laugh and the flutter of butterfly wings.

Possesses a body that looks like an amalgamation of a human and a variety of deadly insects, particularly butterflies.

Her skin is deathly pale, transparent to the point where you could see her organs. Her limbs and back billow with purple monarch wings, though the rest of her is scattered with toxic spines. And hen she opens her mouth centipede’s mandibles scuttle from it, and her eyes are the compound eyes of a butterfly, bright violet and all-seeing with the number 4 carved into every facet. When she speaks, there is a chorus of wasps in every breath.

Instead of poison, the demon Shinobu being organically an insect as well now uses natural venoms.

Her Blood Demon Art is based on Shinobu manipulating her blood and turning it into various types of venom, each mix deadlier than the last. Unlike her Pillar self, who was limited to whatever poison she had in her sword sheath, her demonic self has virtually no limit on what she can create.

Her most powerful blood technique is known as the Hundred-Thousand Sting; she deploys her worst venoms with her own unaltered blood in the form of an extremely corrosive mist that once you breathe in, you’re a goner. If it touches you, it will seep in, and you’re a goner. If you’re so much in the range of the fog, you’re still a goner.

While outstripped in strength by Gyomei, Sanemi, and Muichiro– Shinobu still proves herself an exceedingly deadly opponent through speed and intellect.

Her personality as a demon is a mangled representation of her traits as a human; while seemingly calm and sweet, Shinobu holds the exact same demeanor while brutally killing others. But she is also notoriously quick to anger, sending her into furious fits as she attempts to reign it in. Make no mistake though, she is still wickedly clever.

As a human, she’d been cared for by her demonic older sister Kanae after their parents were killed and her sister forcefully transformed into a demon by Upper Moon 1 Gyomei Himejima.

Kanae had managed to resist the hunger for human flesh to be able to care for her sister– mercifully spared by Gyomei as she reminded him of a child from his human past.

Shinobu had desperately wanted to become a demon just like Kanae so that they could truly live together, though Kanae always rebuffed her– until the arrival of the Pillar.

The Snow Pillar, Doma. He had battled Kanae under the accusation that she had killed their family and paid no heed as he beheaded her in front of her terrified human sister. Maddened with grief, Shinobu drank her sister’s blood, vowing vengeance on the Snow Pillar.

It was Upper Moon 1 who found her, having been originally sent to recruit Kanae into the Moons. Seeing that Shinobu was far more bloodthirsty and willing to kill, he took her in instead.

Up until now, Shinobu hunts for Doma, and takes special care to kill any Slayer with ice or snow-related techniques slowly. A refinement of her most agonizing of venoms just for him.

Mitsuri Kanroji - Upper Moon 6

This one is insane.

She is Love, she is made of Love, and she will Love and Love and Love and she will take their Love as well until there is nothing left to Love.

It is said that Mitsuri is the kindest Demon Moon, taking her prey with the greatest expressions of Love that they could ever receive. But do they, really? When Mitsuri loves them with everything she has– from her horrific strength to her blood to her insatiable appetite?

Mitsuri is fond of shapeshifting, though her true form is… that of a normal human girl, albeit with pink skin, white eyes and a fanged mouth. She even keeps the unusual hair she had detested her whole human life. Did you think this embodiment of unquenchable desire would be a little racier?

When Mitsuri kills and devours, she does so in every way of loving that she can. She will embrace you until your spine gives way, she will kiss you until your lungs collapse and your lips are torn to shreds, she will lie with you until all is spent and blood seeps from every part of you.

It upsets Mitsuri so that her Love isn’t returned adequately. But she is a forgiving demon– so she will continue to express this devotion to every being until it is returned in full. Not even other demons are exempt.

The number 6 is written in careful script over the pale surface of her eyes. It is watermelon green and pretty and the last thing most of her prey see.

Her Pillar self believes in love, sweet and gentle and ultimately ephemeral. Demonic Mitsuri believes in giving and taking until there is desire to love anymore.

It was what was promised to her, when Muzan fed her his blood from the palm of his hand. She had been rejected for her hair, her strength, her need to love and be loved.

He had found her, cast out and alone, just one cruel husband after another. Muzan promised her that demonhood would let her love for all eternity, that in his world she would never be rejected. Mitsuri agreed. Can you blame her?

As an Upper Moon, her already prodigious strength has made her nigh on par with Sanemi and even Gyomei. Her flexible body surpasses superhuman limitations and weapons simply sink harmlessly as she softens her body to the blows.

Her Blood Demon Art, however, is not focused on her physical ability. If it were, she would have been placed lower on the rungs of the 9 Upper Moons. No; her blood is one that makes the mind bend and dance to her will. Love and aphrodisiacs. One whiff, one taste, and it’s all over. There is only love.

The pinnacle of this technique is her Eternal Ecstasy, where wounding her is suicide in itself if she does not cut her own flesh open first. Her blood becomes incredibly potent and drives men and women alike to madness in their desire to be loved by her– they will kill each other and let themselves be killed by Mitsuri if the initial violence doesn’t get rid of them initially. Her blood is the Marechi equivalent for humanity but is surprisingly more dulled towards other demons.

Await her battle with Hantengu. He thinks himself incapable of love, his Pillar’s skill and impeccable focus. He believes nothing will sway him, not even the rumored supernatural charm of Upper Moon 6. He secretly prays that it is enough when he draws his blade against her in the Swordsmiths’ Village.

—————–

The Upper Moons

Akaza (Hakuji) - The Destruction Pillar

For a Pillar, Akaza– Hakuji is a name he leaves at home for his wife– is unusual even for them.

While the Pillars carry weapons made of nichirin, ranging from blades to blunt force to guns, Akaza fights with his bare fists. It is the only sort of fighting that Akaza has known his whole life and he won’t stop now– not even as his fellow Pillars look to him in concern.

It doesn’t matter. Akaza’s happiest when he’s beheading demons with his own hands. He has gloves especially made for this, made from flexible nichirin, knuckles topped with the sun steel. Even his knees are capped in nichirin.

His breathing style? Some call Akaza a genius, some call him crazy. Either way, he had merged his adoptive father’s Soryu Style martial arts with breathing, creating the Destructive Kill Style. Before he had begun training in breathing, he had depended solely on his own natural strength, and this discovery of the Slayers’ method of combating the demons had raised Akaza’s power to almost how he had been as his demon self.

Hence, he is called the Destruction Pillar. It is an ominous title that, coupled with his roughened features and muscled frame, has even hardened Slayers steering clear of his path. His wife Koyuki knows better though, knowing him as grumpy Hakuji who had a soft heart under all the grit.

In the heat of battle Akaza is an unforgiving beast, relentless in his pursuit and merciless in his killing. At home, he is Hakuji; gruff and quiet but gentle in his selflessness, especially towards his dear Koyuki. Often you can find the Destruction Pillar walking beside his wife in the gardens, feeding ducks and sitting amongst the flowers.

While not tattooed with the criminals’ marks, shortly after becoming a Slayer Akaza had himself inked with a single bar for every ten demons slain. So far he has almost reached the amount of tattoos he has on his demon self.

His story remains nearly the same– but when Keizo told him that he was to inherit the dojo and marry Koyuki, it was not poison that came for them. When Akaza ran to his father’s grave, the two assassins by the well were beset upon by another; a particularly strong demon, a real one, killing then devouring the two before setting its sights on the father and daughter inside.

Keizo could fight, and he fought better than Akaza did when he first met him. He held off the demon just long enough for Akaza to rush to their rescue– only for fate to recall that Keizo had grown old, and he was never as blessed with endurance and strength as Akaza had been. The demon dealt a fatal injury, and Keizo fell.

In another world, Akaza’s hands were bloody with the scum of humanity. In this one, enraged he lunged at the demon and shoved both his hands into its chest. He obliterated its organs and yet… it was Akaza’s first demon, and this demon merely regenerated and laughed into Akaza’s face. In another world the blood had come from sixty-seven men. This time it was blood from the demon that he had killed sixty-seven times through the night. A demon could only be killed through nichirin or the sun itself; when Akaza tore its head off at his final attempt, the demon’s body simply gave.

Akaza collapsed out of exhaustion, and slept for three days. With Keizo dead and her fiance unconscious, Koyuki was in shock and was immediately wracked by a fit of weakness. It was only through the sudden intervention of the Moon Pillar that the couple were tended to; it had originally been Kokushibo who was supposed to slay the demon in their town and upon hearing that Akaza was fighting some unkillable enemy, sought a meeting with him.

It was Kokushibo and a worried Koyuki Akaza awakened to. After confirming that Koyuki was unharmed, Kokushibo then expressed admiration for Akaza’s fighting skill and offered him membership into the Demon Slaying Corps. Initially both Akaza and Koyuki refused. Why would they endanger themselves further with this talk of demon-slaying? But as Akaza thought of Keizo, who had died protecting Koyuki and with faith that his adoptive son would save her, he eventually agreed.

When Akaza rejected having a blade or weapon of any kind forged, Slayers shook their heads and muttered that Akaza would die. There was no Slayer in existence who had gone against Muzan’s spawn with their bare hands. But as they witnessed Akaza wrench off the head of a Lower Moon demon without the use of any weapon aside from his gloved hands, the whispers ceased altogether.

This time it is Akaza who is assigned to investigate the Infinity Train. Before every mission, he prays at the graves of Keizo and his father, kisses his wife goodbye. For some reason he prays a little harder, holds Koyuki a little longer– lately his dreams have been plagued with fire…

Doma - The Snow Pillar

This’ll be one of the only times I’ll not clown on Doma. Treasure it lmao.

Emotionless, capricious, and a known glutton for pretty women, Doma is an excellent Pillar and is frighteningly effective at killing demons. His being a moral citizen though is… highly contested.

As a Pillar, Doma lacks the cult he had as an Upper Moon, but he does have a loyal following of admirers from his pre-Slayer who believe him a sort of demigod for his pale hair and lovely rainbow-hued eyes. His charming personality and pretty face only serve to buoy his reputation amongst the populace as well– much to the chagrin of some of his Pillar colleagues.

Instead of a sword, Doma makes use of his fans; both are made of nichirin steel and hued gold in Doma’s hands. Despite their ornamented surface, they are razor sharp and can function just as well as twin short swords.

His is a pretty, almost gentle breath style; Breath of Snow is more a delicate dance in appearance than something meant for combat. And much like Doma, it is a death sentence to mistake beauty for the lack of deadliness– the Breath of Snow utilizes misdirection and inhumanly fast and precise attacks meant to cripple an opponent before the killing blow is dealt, with these strikes resembling the howling gales of blizzards.

More often than not Doma toys curiously with the demons he hunts, tossing them around with the nigh-invincible evasive ability of his breath before executing them, all in an effort to feel emotions. If the pleasures of human life could not elicit these so-called feelings his fellows had always talked about, then how about violence?

Pretty girls, pretty women; it’s not a real feeling that blooms in Doma’s chest (it’s hollow, Akaza hisses, hollow and cold as shit) but he enjoys them. Enjoys the rapturous expressions on their faces, from pleasure to fear to pain to happiness to despair– he puts his hands on their faces and smiles his best. The beatific one, the one that makes his eyes crinkle at the sides.

After his parents died, his father by his mother and his mother by himself, Doma continued to handle the cult, raised by devoted followers. He grew up the smiling, soulless leader of people he believed as foolish for putting such blind faith in him. It was only after the demon attack that the emotionless monotony of his life was shattered; wishing to devour the rainbow-eyed god the people whispered about, the demon disguised itself as a beautiful woman, hinging on Doma’s well-known desire for ladies. As soon as the demon was in Doma’s presence, it slaughtered all of his attendants and then announced its intention to feast on the leader.

More bemused than terrified, Doma was about to let the demon kill and eat him if only out of a detached curiosity. However, in its haste to eat Doma, the demon accidentally ripped open a curtain– letting sunlight spill into the room. Before Doma’s blessed eyes the demon burned to ashes.

Further curiosity led Doma to seek out the truth behind the sun and the thing that almost killed him. It eventually placed him on the path to the Demon Slayers, and his own desire to encounter the demons again brought him to his training, becoming a Slayer and eventually a Pillar. Discovering that killing demons gave him a semblance of feeling alongside his being with women, Doma strived to find the one kill that would give him a true rush.

This came in the form of a lonely flower-demon, whom the Slayers spoke of only in hushed whispers. Rumors of a demon who had killed her entire family and now atoned in some twisted way by caring for some child, a demon who only killed now to protect its pet. Needless to say that Doma was interested; a flower demon? Why, she’d have to be a very pretty demon indeed.

Kanae was a name Doma learned only after a long, fierce battle through the night. He had known the demon had caught his scent, and was already attempting to hide that human child she kept with her. Well, it wouldn’t do at all! It wasn’t difficult; the demon had no idea on how to fight properly whatsoever, and every flick of his fans and an intake of breath only weakened the demon further and further. It hadn’t taken long for him to bring the demon to her knees, and it was only as he had sent her head rolling into the snow that he heard a name being screamed into the wind.

It was nigh euphoric. The expression on Kanae’s face before he had taken her head was utterly sublime in its rage and grief and resignation, and Doma had felt a soaring glee at this particular hunt. It was a feeling, one that swelled to crescendos and made his blood run hot. The sun rose quickly and Doma left, satisfied. What a feeling to be alive.

Now the name of Kanae rings in Doma’s ears once again as news of Upper Moons circulate through the ranks. A demon borne through the blood of Upper Moon One at the same place where he had left Kanae to burn in the sun, a demon that demands his name with every kill and a demon that butchers any Slayer that dared wield breaths in vein to his. Doma only hums at the talk; another hunt to remember, then.

[plusultrcs]

Okay so now that i’m done crying about shadow and bone to my friends i want to make a controversial statement. Don’t bite my head off for my opinion bc 1. idc i said what i said and 2. it aint that serious these are fictional characters moving on though. I don’t think the show is bad AT ALL i really enjoyed it and seeing the inclusion of leigh and her books was so fucking cute but i will say i think combining both series into one did a huge disservice to the character development of most, if not ever, character. and i’ll explain why so (obviously) sab spoilers ahead. this also obnoxiously long so if you dont read it thats fine <3 lmao

I know going into it everyone, including leigh pretty much, was saying not to expect it to be like the books. That it was going stray away and be more like a fanfiction than the original works. Which was true, but only for the six of crows characters. The show leaned heavily and relied heavily on the plot of shadow and bone. Which, of course, makes sense but because of the inclusion of a heavy heavy re-worked six of crows plot that didnt fit the plot of shadow and bone at all it left them feeling incredibly displaced. Like on shadow and bones part every single major and sometimes even the minor plot points were followed to the number, but on the six of crows front the only thing closely followed was the nina and matthias backstory. I wont talk about every single character because i anticipate this to already be long, but the ones i noticed the most were done a disservice.

For instance Alina. Despite shadow and bone being followed so closely you dont really get to see the natural progression of alina’s character the way i was hoping we would. And that’s definitely because of the time restraints. They had to find a way to somehow balance the screen time for both separate plots so that they could hold the audiences attention for both. Like when nina and matthias plot wasnt on the screen for i think 2 episodes i almost forgot about them and what they were up to so i understand why they timing had to be so split, especially when you only have 8 hours to cover the characters of 2 over 300 page long books yknow? But that means important moments alina had to herself in the books were completely cut, and so a lot of that growth we got went with it. The the biggest thing i was disappointed to see go was the defeat she felt when she was first captured and collared by the darkling. She was feeling absolutely helpless, mal was in their hold, she had no power to do anything but sit there and let him use her. All the training she did felt pointless to her and she really was at the point of giving up. She went quiet, wouldnt speak,was basically a zombie until that moment in the fold when she saw innocent people suffering when she knew she could stop. And she found a way to break free. There were other moments like this in the book, like moments at the little palace where shelt herself getting further and further from mal and feeling like an outside on her own all over again. They tried to show it in the show but without the time to develop her life on her own at the little palace it definitely fell short.

Speaking of mal: THANK YOU WRITERS FOR FIXING HIS WHINY ASS. And while he was annoyingly whiny in the books, he is not a boring character. Not to me at least, honestly he never was. While i do appreciate them not making him so whiny, I would have appreciated seeing that same dissonance realizing alina was grisha brought about in the books. Its just like alina said, grisha were people they scoffed at and talked about in a joking way. Their lives felt miles and miles away from their own, and then to learn that she had been one the entire time. I know i know, it has nothing to do with, and alina didnt know either. BUT THAT IS STILL HIS BEST FRIEND. And obviously girl he’s in love with even if he wasnt aware of it at the time. it made him question everything he thought about grisha, and more importantly brought both of their biggest fears to light: being torn apart. In the book he doesnt deal with this well at ALL and while leigh bardugo does a great job throughout the series showing him growing to me he never got where he should have been, and the show did place him there but i think they do so prematurely. I definitely wanted him to be as understanding as he was, to take notice of how much healthier and stronger she looks since she’s not withholding her power anymore, but i did still want the tension of him wondering what it means for them, how their lives would change, because just based on laws alone she is a grisha and would typically never be someone he would have the chance to befriend but neither of them would be okay with that.

AND ON THE TOPIC OF MALINA. THEY ARE NOT A BORING SHIP. I think the only person other who would work for alina is nikolai (dont fight me on this im right), and that is who i wanted her to end up with. However, I understand why Mal was the choice. Alina has always been someone who just wanted to belong, to fit in somewhere, AND THAT IS OKAY. IT’S NOT A CRIME TO WANT TO BE ORDINARY. I know shes the main character, and has the prophecy of being the ~chosen one~ but that doesnt mean she suddenly has to alter change and rearrange herself entirely. she never wanted to be a saint, and even by the end of the series she still doesnt. Choosing to let the world believed she died so she could live a quiet life. tHAT’S ALL SHE’S EVER WANTED. And Mal is the perfect person to give her that. People who claim she gave up her life for mal, to me, didn’t understand her character. She bounced around from needing mal by her side, and when she couldnt have him there she still sought acceptance in the only other person willing to give it to her, i.e. the darkling. and then when she couldnt have it from him she’s forced to find it in herself and while she learns she doesnt need him or mal she doesnt need anyone, she still chooses mal bc she wants to be with him. she doesnt feel obligated and even later on in the books makes plenty stands on her own without him but she loves him and they honestly make perfect sense. a softer ship doesnt make it a boring one js.

NOW THE SIX OF CROWS GANG. I hate to say it, i do but they felt reduced to a form comedic relief. they had their serious moments ofc but for the most part whenever they popped up on the screen i knew a joke or gag was soon to follow. i will say kit as jesper? best decision that could have possibly been made he fucking did what he had to DO. Kaz’s development for me felt really really rushed and forced. Like he was saying things to inej he wouldnt have said so quickly and especially not while he wasnt under stress??? it honestly felt like fan service??? which im not mad at because again i dont think the show was bad at all the actors brought really great life to the crows, but it just makes me sad to see all that development and build up go out the window.  i think if they were that set on combining the crows story with the shadow and bone story it would have been so much nicer to get a sort of prequel on the crows. like they should have given them the same treatment they gave nina and matthias. so that we could see their backstories as explained in the book happening in real time like how they all came to ketterdam. i know theres no point in wishing that now since whats done is done and again I DONT THINK ITS BAD. Im just sad about all the character development and strong subtle points lost because leigh bardugo always does such a great job in dropping subtle hints and always bringing them back in the end, and that was sadly lost. STILL A GOOD SHOW STILL LOVE THE BABIES. STILL PRAYING FOR A SEASON TWO.

EDIT: IT ALSO MADE ME SAD TO SEE THEM LOSE SO MANY TIMES??? ESPECIALLY AFTER SOC WHERE THEY ALWAYS MANAGED TO WIN?? Like ofc it made perfect sense for them to be unable to capture the damn sun summoner !!! but kaz and all of the crows are meant to be the best of the best when it comes to criminals top tier and they were bested by a ball of light and a jog???? and them going home basically empty handed was kinda :// like i got it but also where did alina get that necklace lmao so yeah once again still great still love it questions had to be asked 

[nekoannie-chan]

Charm-ed

Pairing: Steve Rogers X Mutant! Reader

Word count: 3596 words. 

Summary: You managed to prevent Thanos from snapping, but not other events that led to victory.

Warnings: Angst, sad, actually very sad, death of a character, mentions of smut but nothing explicit, mentions of blood.

A/N: So I was watching Skins season 6 when this idea came to me, this fic is a little bit based on that season.

Flashbacks are in italics.

The note is in italics and underline.

Phone calls are in italics and bold.

The prompts are in black, italics, and underline.

In this fic the Snap never happened, this means that Thanos was defeated and Pietro is alive.

The UFO catcher is the claw machine where you can catch stuffed animals or other prizes.

This is my entry to the @joannie95 ‘s 500 Follower Writing Challenge with prompt #19:

“Please don’t forget me and all the things we did” 

Also is one of my entries to @im-a-writer-right ‘s Writing Challenge ~2K Follower Celebration~ with the angst prompt #37:

“I haven’t been the same since you left me”.

And my entry to @jtargaryen18 ‘s 30 days of Chris.

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistake please let me know and I will correct it.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics be posted in other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don’t steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other’s people. The only exception is the ones I gifted ‘cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and is not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Marvel’s characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

My other media where I publish: Wattpad, Ao3, ffnet.

If you like it please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog. 

Steven Grant Rogers

 Steve heavily turned off the alarm clock, it had been late, he flipped to your bedside, and he sighed disappointed when he noticed that it was empty.

He dialed your cell phone in the hope that you'd answer him, but you didn't, the mailbox came in instead of hearing your voice, his stomach protested.  

He went down to breakfast like every morning, even though they had prevented Thanos from making the snap, and you had beaten him, nothing was the same again.

After finishing breakfast, Steve decided to go for a run in the park, it was the fifth lap he gave when his cell phone rang.

“Y/N!”  He answered immediately excitedly. 

"Steve, you keep calling me a lot," you answered.  

"I know, it's just that all I want is for you to come back," he confessed embarrassed.

"Maybe you should have come to visit me more often after those days," you complained.  

"You know I tried, but I wasn't allowed in.”  

"You didn't try hard enough, but now no one will stop you from visiting me.” 

“Y/N…”

 The call was cut off, Steve blinked, after the battle, the calls were strange, sometimes he didn't understand what you wanted to say.  

"Steve?" Sam called him while he approaching carefully. 

"Hey, Sam.” 

“Are you okay?" Sam questioned. 

"Yes, only... I was thinking about Y/N...”  

"Steve we've talked about this... she's gone," Sam said.  

"I know... I know," Steve replied sadly. 

Sam looked up at a tree on the other side of where they were, blinked several times, you were half-hidden behind the tree, waving you a hand.

 Wanda Marya y Pietro Django Maximoff

 Wanda and Pietro were training, Wanda moved obstacles with her powers while her twin dodged them.  

"You're doing great," you congratulated them. 

"Y/N...”  

They approached skeptically, they weren't sure what they were seeing, and they didn't even care if it was a hallucination.  

"But...”  

"Aren't you happy to see me?" you asked.  

You stirred their hair, they were dumbfounded, and they didn't know what to say or do.

"You should stop feeling like you did something wrong when you joined HYDRA. 

"How do you know?" Pietro questioned.  

"Pietro... I know everything.”  

The twins saw each other, they had never told him anything about what they thought about what they had done.  

"They told you a lie, but when you found out what was going on you decided to do the right thing, didn't you?" you went on. 

The twins nodded.  

“Y/N...”

Wanda couldn't take it anymore and fell up to you to hug you, Pietro imitated her.  

"I've missed you so much," Wanda confessed.

"Me too, but you know I can't stay.”  

You separated from them.  

"Please, stay with us,” Wanda begged. 

 "We need you," Pietro supported.  

You were already gone.

 Steven Grant Rogers

 Steve was taking a shower when he heard the bathroom door open, he didn't pay attention, and he still felt angry with himself.  

You went into the bathroom, took off your clothes, you walked in with him, you hugged him in the back, he turned around. 

"Y/N..."  

You put a finger on his lips. 

"Shh, I don't want to talk, you know what I want."  

Steve kissed you fiercely as he touched you while the water was falling.

 Natasha Alianovna Romanoff

 Natasha peeked out the window, blinking several times, you shouldn't be there, and she immediately ran out to where you were.  

You kept swinging without being undeterred by the presence of your friend.

“Hi, Nat” you greeting.

“How is…?”

“You should talk with Banner,” you said.  

"I beg your pardon?"  

"You still love him."  

"Y/N, but you..."

"Nat, I just want you to be happy, I can assure you that you've paid for everything you've done in the past, it's time to start over," you said.  

"Y/N... But... is just..."  

"Nothing Nat, I promise you everything will be fine."  

"Steve..."  

"I know.” 

Nat heard footsteps close and turned to see who was approaching.

“Are you okay?” Clint asked her.

Nat turned to where you were... but there was no one on the swing anymore, it just moved slightly as if someone had just come down.

“Yeah…is just…”

 Steven Grant Rogers

 You handed the documents over to Cameron, you joked a little bit and then he left, Steve saw everything, got discouraged, but he had to get the doubt out of his head.  

"Agent Y/L/N,” he called you.  

"Captain.” 

"Your boyfriend?" Steve asked referring to Klein.  

"Hmm? Oh... Cameron... no, no, no, we're just friends," you answered.

"Friends?" repeated Steve unconcern convinced.  

"If we've known each other since the Academy and we're friends.”  

Steve exhaled more calmly, maybe he should be encouraged to ask you out.  

"Do you have anything to do on Saturday?" he questioned.  

"No, I don't think so.” 

He impulsively kissed you.  

"You already have plans then... with me, " he sentenced before he left.  

You just stood there smiling like a fool.  

Natasha had told him he had to be bolder if he wanted you to go out with him, so that's what he did.

 Samuel “Sam” Thomas Wilson

 You knocked on the back door of Sam's house kitchen, he was preparing his breakfast, he went to see who he was, suddenly he felt the air was missing, it was not possible what he saw.  

"Y/N, but you..."  

"I'm here Sam."  

"Y/N, I need explanations because..."  

"There's no time for that, Wilson, I need you to do me a favor, I need your help," you interrupted him.  

"What is it about? If you're in danger...”  

"Take care of Steve for me, I know he doesn't want to accept what happened, but I don't want him to do anything stupid," you asked.  

"What do you mean Y/N?" he asked across his arms.  

"Just promise me, Steve needs the support of all of you."  

"Sure, just explain to me what happened..." 

He looked up, there was no one in front of him.

“Y/N?”

 Steven Grant Rogers

 "You took a long time to get back" complained when you saw him walk into the room you shared.  

Steve was startled, he was supposed to be alone, but there you were in front of him, lying and naked in the bed you used to share.  

"Are you going to stand there watching me all night?" you asked.  

He came slowly, put a hand on your face, wondered if you were real, and kissed you.

 Anthony “Tony” Edward Stark  

Tony was designing armor for Pepper, they had decided to postpone the wedding one year after what happened, it was so unforeseen, and no one was over it yet.  

"I'd ask FRIDAY to announce me, but I'm sure you'd think it's a joke," you said. 

Tony turned around, what was going on was implausible.  

“I forgive you for being a moron with all of us,” you said.  

"Thank you?"  

"I know you have thousands of questions, but I won't answer them even if you do them, so abstained yourself," you continued.  

"Everything's been gone wrong since you left..."  

"No Tony, everything went wrong since the Accords, forgive Bucky," you ordered.  

"But he..."

"He killed your parents under HYDRA’s orders, not because he wanted to do it, all that he did was because he was under their control, all that things still cause him nightmares and a lot of regrets, anyway, shouldn't you be mad at your father and Peggy? They were the ones who hired Zola in S.H.I.E.L.D.; Zola was the one who created the Winter Soldier," you explained.  

Tony saw you quietly for a few minutes processing your words. 

"If you want to have a quiet life you could do it, but first, you must forgive and apologize, Tony."  

"I should have done something else, we should all have..." 

"It was my decision."  

"Could you come back? You are the heart of the team..."  

You smiled and left the lab without saying a word.

 Steven Grant Rogers

 You saw your little dog approaching you while he wagged his tail.  

"What are you wearing on your dog collar?" you asked when you saw something weird.  

Your dog sat in front of you and when you checked it, you saw the engagement ring.  

Behind Steve, he was watching everything, realizing that you already had the ring in your hand, he peeked out.  

"And what is your answer?" questioned nervously.  

"Of course I accept to marry my little boy," you replied jokingly as you took the dog in your arms.  

Steve's face was a mixture of emotions, it couldn't be said if he was bewildered, wanting to laugh or something else. 

"Would you marry me, doll?" he asked.  

You approached him and you were going to kiss him when the dog got between the two of us, laughed. 

"Of course I want to marry you, Steve," you answered.

 James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes

 Bucky dared not leave the room, he feared he would meet Tony and that He would start a fight; however, his cell phone rang.  

 "Hello, Buck."  

"Y/N..." 

"Can I see you?"  

 You gave him the directions, a few minutes later he arrived at the agreed place.  

"It's not a trap, is it?" he questioned.  

"No Bucky, HYDRA is gone, I promise you.”

"Sorry, I..."  

"Stop blaming yourself for what you were forced to do, you've done the right thing to redeem yourself," you said.  

"I'm not sure..."  

"Believe me, I just need you to take care of Steve for me, okay, like before the war, I know it's hard..."  

"We can't without you..."  

"You must continue without me, there is no other way,” you sentenced.  

"Y/N" he called you.  

"Yes?"  

"Thank you for taking care of Steve, while... You know... I wasn't there," Bucky thanked.  

You smiled.

 Steven Grant Rogers

 Steve was training, it was the fifth punching bag he broke.  

"You should stop this habit of breaking punching bags, Stevie," you said.  

"Doll..."  

"I've always liked to see you train, it's so... Hmm, I have no words to describe it.”

He didn't say anything, he just took your hand. 

"Don't go, please,” he pleaded.  

"I love you, Stevie."

 Thor Odinson

 Thor had in his hands the little teddy bear you had taken from one of the UFO catcher machines, he looked up when he felt a presence in the place.  

"Lady Y/N.” 

“Hi, Beach-boy" you welcome.   

“What...?” 

“I think on this planet, somewhere you could create New Asgard with the survivors, do you like the idea?" you proposed. 

Before Thor could answer, you were already gone

 Steven Grant Rogers

 The nerves invaded Steve and increased every minute, what if a last-minute mission came up and ruined everything if everything was ruined, would you still want to marry him? 

His doubts vanished when he saw you walking down the aisle, fortunately, there was no inconvenience. 

"You're the most beautiful bride in the world,” he whispered to you as you danced the waltz

 Scott Edward Harris Lang y Hope van Dyne

 "Giant-man" 

"Y/N," Scott said surprised.  

"Who are you?" Hope asked. 

"Do you remember Cap?" Scott asked.  

Hope nodded.  

"Well, she's his girlfriend."  

"I’m his wife actually, you must be Hope, Scott told us about you," you corrected.

"Well, this doesn't make sense..."  

They knew what had happened.  

"Nothing has it, maybe you should talk to Steve, and I think there's room in The Avengers."  

Both of them were confused, when Scott was going to ask you what you meant, there was no one else was with them.

 Steven Grant Rogers

 Steve woke up when he heard a noise in the kitchen, he had fallen asleep in the lounge sofa, and he went to see what was going on.  

"Y/N?"  

"Did I wake you? I'm sorry, I can't find my chocolates," you apologized.  

Steve turned to see the clock on the kitchen wall. 

"It's two in the morning..."  

"It's never too late for one," you joked. 

He smiled, always his little jokes were funny, and he loved to see you smile and heard your laughter; he approached the cupboard and pulled the box out of the highest shelf.  

"Do you want to see a movie?" he proposed.

 Clinton “Clint” Francis Barton

 "I keep insisting that it's not safe to have arrows in a house with children," you said.

Clint dropped the bow to the floor, it supposed he was alone, Laura was taking care of their children.  

"Maybe you should go visit the guys, Steve will probably need paternity advice; Nat and the twins miss you so much," you continue.  

"Y/N...”  

"Several times I envied that you had such a beautiful family, sometimes things don't go as you expect," you said.  

Clint looked down at the bow without understanding, when he looked up to ask you something, there was no one.

 Steven Grant Rogers

 He was nervous, it was still supposed to be two weeks before your baby was born, but you'd woke up with contractions.   

"Steve, calm down now, you're not helping me at all," you asked with a grimace of pain. 

"But it was two weeks away...”  

"WELL, THE BABY WANTS TO GET OUT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO!” 

"Don't yell doll, we're in a hospital... Auch...” 

You squeezed his hand very tightly when you felt another contraction.  

You had no idea how many hours or minutes had passed, but eventually, the little girl was born. 

"It's so small," Steve said as he carried her.  

"Steve give it to me, I have to feed her," you asked

 Robert Bruce Banner

 "You've never been afraid that one of your experiments will go wrong?" you asked.

“Y/N…”

Bruce watched you for a few seconds.  

"There must be some logical explanation," he said.  

"That doesn't matter, get out of this damn lab and talk to Nat, one of you has to take the first step," you ordered him.  

"She hates me," he said.  

"She doesn't hate you, I had to put up with her talking about you, I don't know how many years, most of the time she described how she wanted to kill you."

"But the other..."  

"She doesn't care, she loves you the way you are, then do it or I'll hit you so hard that it's going to scare the other guy," you threatened. 

"Okay, I just have to turn this off," he said.  

Bruce turned to the team he was working with and then flipped to where you were.

“Y/N?”

 Steven Grant Rogers

 Steve heard Sarah crying, in last weeks he had not felt able to be close to her daughter, Natasha had cared for her at the time, but right now she did not know where the spy was. 

He approached the girl's crib and loaded her to try to reassure her.  

"Shh, calm down little girl, I know you miss Mom, so do I."  

Suddenly the girl calmed down unexpectedly and stretched out her little hand. 

"Mommy" she babbled.  

Steve turned strange, there you were, you approached them and you took your daughter.  

"You put her plushies wrong, she likes to have her stuffed animal on the left, but you put Cap's stuffed one in that place that goes to the right" you explained.

 Maria Hill, Nicholas “Nick” Joseph Fury, and Phillip “Phil” J. Coulson

 "Haven't they decide what they're going to do yet?" Fury asked Maria.  

Maria left the phone on the table before answering. 

"No, no one has dared to talk about the situation," Hill confirmed.  

"Maybe if we tell them there's an option..." 

Whatever they want to try isn't going to work," you said.  

"Y/N?!" the three exclaimed surprised in unison. 

"Guide them, they feel completely lost, they don't want to continue with the proposal," you asked.

 Steven Grant Rogers

 Steve took all the pictures of you and the drawings of you he did, there were too many, he’d give anything for you to come back. 

"I wish you'd never left..."  

Someone knocked on the door, he was hoping it would be you, he needed you, he opened the door and his face showed complete disappointment.  

"Stark wants to talk to everyone, he needs us in the boardroom," Nat told him. 

"Okay," he said, trying to hide things.  

"Are you okay, Steve?"  

"Yes, in a moment I go, I only put in order a few things,” he answered.  

"You're a bad liar."   

"In a moment I will go,” he said again.

 Peter Benjamin Parker

 "Queens Spider-Boy" he greeted.  

"Miss Rogers.”  

"Y/N, just call me Y/N.”  

Peter carved his eyes, maybe he was hallucinating, and there was no way that was possible.  

"I would never think that Tony did it right when he involved you in something that was only to adults, but you should go visit him, he feels a little or maybe very lost," you said.  

"With who are you talking to Peter?" May asked. 

"With...”  

He turned to ask you with his eyes if I should reveal your presence, but you were gone.  

"... Nobody.”

 Steven Grant Rogers

 Thanos had finally arrived in Wakanda, Wanda was trying to destroy Vision's gem, just as Thanos came up to her feeling it.  

You assumed what he was going to do, with your powers you immobilized him. 

"Don't you dare,” you warned.  

He was too strong, but you weren't going to give up so easily, you managed to take away two of the stones -the time and reality stones- as soon as you had them in your possession, you opened a portal to go somewhere else and destroy them.

You concentrated as much as you could, it was difficult, but if Wanda had been able, you could too, all you needed was that Thanos didn't find you, you hadn't left Wakanda, but if in the next few minutes you couldn't destroy them, you'd open another portal to go somewhere else to buy more time.   

"Y/N, status,” Steve required.  

"I've got two, I'll try to destroy them," you reported.  

"Where are you?" he questioned.  

"Just deal with him," you asked.  

You had finally succeeded, those two stones had been destroyed, without all three, you were sure That Thanos could not fulfill his goal, you rose with difficulty, you were exhausted, to destroy them you had needed more powers and energy than you thought.

As soon as you turned around you felt a bump, Thanos had found you.  

"They no longer exist... I destroyed them," you mocked.  

"How you dare?"   

Suddenly you felt a sharp pain in your entrails, the metallic taste in your mouth appeared.  

"No!" Steve yelled.  

He pounded on the enemy to get you off your back, at that moment Thor appeared where you were.  

"Go with her," he told Steve.  

Steve came up to you, the blood kept flowing, he didn't know how to stop the blood, but he had to do something.  

"S-Steve..."  

"Shh, its okay, doll, don't try hard," he asked. 

"I think... take care of Sarah, okay, I love you..."  

Your eyes were heavy, slowly closed. 

 "No... Y/N... no, wake up doll, please..."

 James Rupert “Rhodey” Rhodes

 “Rhodes” you called him.

He stood still, did not know what to do, perhaps he had heard wrong, but no, your voice had been very clear, slowly turned. 

"I made a mistake in signing the Accords..."  

"It’s okay, you thought you were doing the right thing..."  

"I thought the government would know what to do, like acting the right way. But when Thanos..."  

"Okay, now just try to reunite everyone," you asked.

 Steven Grant Rogers

 His mobile phone rang, desperately Steve caught up with him to answer him as quickly as possible.

 “Doll, we need you.”

“Stevie, you know I can’t go back.”

“I haven’t been the same since you left me.”

“Sarah need you.”

"She needs you, she wants her mom back..."  

"You're a good father Stevie, you'll do well, I didn't mean for that to go wrong either, but you know I did it for her."  

"Please come back."

“Stevie.”

“Doll.”

“Please don’t forget me and all the things we did”

"Stevie, you know, this is a very beautiful place" you commented. 

"I want to be with you."  

"No, you must be with our daughter, you know, I met your mom, she's a lovely woman."  

"What?"

 He wasn't sure what he'd heard, those words only saw one of his greatest fears, now he had no choice but to accept what had happened in the battle.

 “I have to go.”

"No, don't go, please, " he pleaded.  

"Tell Sarah about me."  

"I love you too much, never forget it."

 You hung up, you knew time was up, you smiled, at least you'd been given a chance to say goodbye.  

Steve dropped to his knees crying, give anything for you to come back, though he would tell Sarah about you.

 Everyone

 On the board all the tension went away, they had already decided what to do, all the roughness had been filed, and from now on they would be a team.  

They decided to go visit Y/N's tomb, they put the flowers on it. 

 "She wanted us to continue," Nat said.  

"I found this," Steve commented, showing a note. 

"Me too," Wanda replied.  

They all got the same note, none had no idea who had written it or exactly what it meant.

 Thank you for what you did, I hope you liked the gift.

W.

 "Are you sure it was the best?" asked Ulana.  

"They deserved a gift for saving the universe and she had not been able to say goodbye to everyone she loves," Uatu replied.  

"You're right."  

Now they could get on with their lives.

[mousehole5000]

tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” -  i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now

[natsumiheart]

im asking this out of genuine curiosity, and not to be rude or anything- could you explain what there is to like about oumasai, to someone who really doesnt like it? i played the whole game, free times and bonus modes included, and i dont get it. most posts about reasons to ship it are aimed at people who already like the ship, so they just dont make sense to me. i hope this wasnt too rudely phrased, and thank you in advance for your time

Oh no don’t worry about it! You were completely respectful, and I’m really touched you’d come to me about this! ;; I think you don’t need to force yourself to ship something you don’t get, your feelings are very valid and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise! But honestly it’s so awesome how you’re open to hearing reasons from their fans instead of painting them all in a bad light like what a lot of people in the dr fandom usually do.

I actually have a couple posts where I rant about Saiouma so to list everything this will take forever XD 

I made a 100 reasons post which you can find here, it’s just me fangirling so you don’t have to read the full thing but the most important points are numbers 22 and 100.

22. In chapter 4 Kokichi referred to Shuichi with the phrase “Suki ni natta hito” “the person I fell in love with” while alone. and it’s not even a bonus scene or event, the line is 100% canon and the player will come across it no matter what.

100. Their relationship is very realistic, it is focused on how two characters try their best to understand each other, how even someone like Kokichi can come to trust in someone and want someone to trust in him, how he wants that someone to be able to understand him. Kokichi went from being interested in Shuichi to falling in love with him (literally referring to him as the person he fell in love with, using the same phrase that Maki says to Kaito later on), in a freaking killing game. he forced himself to cut their ties and died thinking the only person he cared about hated him. while Shuichi started off interested but wary of Kokichi, tried reaching out to him but failed due to Kokichi pushing him away, to getting mad from him for making Gonta a murderer and trash talking Kaito when he seemed in a really bad condition (after getting punched by Kokichi too) to hitting cold hard realization to what Kokichi has been trying to do the whole game after his death. and then appreciating his help, using the clues he left behind for him, clearing his name, calling him a friend, and grieving his death with the rest of his friends who died in the killing game. He then uses everything Kokichi gave to him and taught him, ends up understanding Kokichi and his lies, and uses the tactic he taught him where he said “sometimes you win a game by not playing it” to end danganronpa. then you’re left wondering how things could’ve been different if Shuichi didn’t already have so much on his back and tried harder to reach out to Kokichi. you start wondering what could’ve happened if Kokichi didn’t push him away, you start thinking about all these possibilities. and then salmon team comes along and wraps everything up with a ribbon. putting direct throwbacks to what happened in the killing game and the free time events, Kokichi BEING the one to reach out to Shuichi, asking him to stay by his side. Their relationship is like one huge arc that starts the moment they met to their graduation in salmon team, and it leaves you with the fact that after they graduate they will stay together and learn more about each other, just like both of them wanted but couldn’t do in the killing game. if this isn’t a beautiful realistic relationship, I don’t know what is. Honestly, everything about this ship is so very beautiful, and I will support it with my life.

About point number 22, a lot of people deny that Kokichi’s feelings even exist that’s why I ranted about it once in a post that you can find here!

I answered this ask about it being technically one sided in the main game, because the main story is just the worst outcome for their relationship in my opinion (due to Kokichi’s plan having Shuichi hate him after chapter 4, ouch) but Kokichi’s feelings are shown to be reciprocated in Salmon team.

Then there’s this ask where I just summarised all my favorite things about the ship XD

I’m not saying that everyone who supports the ship has a bunch of deep reasons, some might just ship it cause it’s cute, and some might just like the fanon pregame version of the ship only because it has a totally different dynamic. But this is just the case for me because not only have I been questioned my feelings for this ship multiple times, but I went from actively disliking it at first to having it as my otp! (Which led me to even questioning myself multiple times, why did I got from dislike to like?) As I played the game I just kept noticing things, it probably all started after Kokichi’s “I stole Saihara-chan’s heart so I don’t need to take his life anymore.” and then solidified after Kokichi saw a detective Shuichi chasing after him in the love hotel scene, and the “Man I fell in love with.” line in chapter 4, and then the entirety of Kokichi’s Salmon team route.

The main story had such a tragic outcome for their relationship, but in another reality where Kokichi didn’t have to make everyone hate him including Shuichi, where he didn’t have to die being hated by everyone, and where Shuichi didn’t have to discover his true intentions after Kokichi was dead and consider him a friend again after he was gone. They really could have the wholesomest relationship as friends or more! And many amazing well-written fanfictions I read really shows it ;;

They just complete each other, at least that’s just how I see it XD I love them so much to the point I’ve been shipping them for two years now and it’s still going strong, amazing writing like this really hooks me, they have so much potential that you can’t stop thinking about all the what if scenarios. To me I love their relationship even if it was just platonic, I just love seeing them interact.

Still I totally understand that not everyone will see their relationship the same way as I do! These two are just two characters that I’ve analysed to death and liked their dynamic. And I think it’s totally alright to ship them with other characters (Shuichi is so shippable istg), but when I see people attacking their fans and calling their ship one sided or unhealthy it seriously ruins my day considering all that has happened to me before, and how it’s blatantly not true. It’s not true to the point I ranted multiple times about it in those essays-

But yea this on top of all those essays pretty much summarises why I ended up shipping them, they have this dynamic where they can make each other develop as a person, and at the same understand each other’s problems and the anxiety of how they look like in other people’s eyes. They have so much angst and the same time so much fluff, and I think many people who are into the yin yang *together we balance each other* dynamic will really have fun shipping them! Hope this somehow showed what I saw in them!

[ask-de-writer]

SEA DRAGON’S GIFT : Part 58 of 83 : World of Sea

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to World of Sea

SEA DRAGON’S GIFT

Part 58 of 83

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

140406 words

copyright 2020

written 2007

All rights reserved.

Reproduction in any form, physical, electronic or digital is prohibited without the express consent of the author.

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Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users   of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights.  They may   reblog the story provided that all author and copyright information   remains intact.  They may use the characters or original characters in   my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical   compositions.

All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fiction is actively encouraged.

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New to the story?  Read from the beginning.  PART 1 is here

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Tanlin’s face fell.  In a sad soft voice she said, “Oi knew t’at ye’d ask.  Oi’ll give ye t’e facts t’at Oi know.  Ye willnae like w’at Oi’m about t’ tell ye.  Ot least a few ot’ers will tell parts o’ ‘t as well.  Ye’ll ‘ave t’ decide i’ ye’ve been told true.” Dragons forgive m’.  Oi’ll tell ‘er nae lie but Oi must save m’ Barad at any cost! She began, carefully editing Barad’s early involvement in the plot.

“T’ere wa’ a plot t’ kill ye.  T’was hatched only a few doors down t’e passage in Mister Morgu’s cabin.  ‘E wa’ our Purser an’ ‘e ‘ates t’e Longin.  T’was ‘e t’at persuaded Barad t’ buy t’e Ord …”

She went on, fearful of the effect that her account was having on Kurin. So much depended on the goodwill of this child.  No, not really a child, just young.  Before the fleet she was legally an adult because of her skills accomplishments.

There was good reason for her fear.  Kurin heard of the apparent cold blooded murder of Chena and possibly Merk with horror and pity.  She did not want to face this.  She wanted to run and hide, curled around her knotted stomach.  Only her need to know the truth kept her in the same cabin with this story.

Tanlin’s control broke down when she got to Silor’s part. She turned in her chair and gestured at the cabin door, her voice catching as she said, “Ot t’e Gat’ering, only a day before ye were poisoned, Oi met Silor just ootside t’is door.  ‘E wa’ runnin’ an errand for Mister Morgu.  T’was ‘im t’at took t’e kit.”

She hid her face and her voice was muffled and she wept as she said, “A moment earlier!  Just a moment earlier an’ Oi’d ‘ave caught ‘im in our cabin!  Nae bit o’ t’is wad ‘ave ‘appened i’ Oi’d been a moment earlier!”

Kurin, remembering the ghastly accusations of her own mother as she sank into madness, could well guess the kind of guilt feelings that Tanlin was experiencing.  The screaming shade of her mother accusing her of murdering her father still haunted her dreams.  She leaned forward, reaching through her own revulsion at the unfolding tale, and laid a comforting hand on Tanlin’s arm.  The contact helped Tanlin to get a grip on herself.  She looked thankfully at Kurin and went on.  

Kurin heard the events at the Gathering and after.  Even though she had already heard that the Fauline had been rammed, she got the tale again.  This time it included what had happened aboard the Fauline as well as the rest of the events.  She heard, for the first time, how the Grandalor had got north undetected by riding in the eye of the Coriolis storm.

Kurin sat, stunned by the tale.  Shakily she asked, “That’s it?  No dodge?  No it was an accident or a prank gone awry?  Just, somebody really tried to kill me, not even because they hated me?  Just to hurt my ship?”

Tanlin sat slumped in her chair, looking ill.  We’ve lost.  She’ll nae help us now, she thought.  She responded dully, “In Mister Morgu’s case, Aye.  In Silor’s case, nae.  ‘E ‘ates ye an’ blames all o’ ‘is ill fortune an’ failings on ye.  Oi t’ink, from talking wit’ ‘im, t’at ‘e’s mad, at least w’ere ye are concerned.

“Bot’ ‘e an’ Mister Morgu ‘ave been confined since we caught t’em. Nane ‘as spoken t’ t’em since, except for m’sel’.  I talked t’ each o’ t’em separately t’ get t’e facts t’at Oi ‘ad t’ tell ye.”

Kurin curled up into a ball in her chair and sat, eyes closed, stomach knotted.  Tanlin looked despairingly across at Kurin.  She felt both guilt and sorrow that she’d caused such pain in one so young. Tanlin crossed the space between them and knelt where she could gather the hurting Kurin into her arms.

Kurin, startled, looked at her face.  Gray eyes in pain met gray eyes in despair.  Kurin uncurled enough to wrap an arm about Tanlin as well. For a few minutes they just sat and comforted each other.

Kurin broke the hug first and retreated to her chair, curled about her pain.  She looked at Tanlin, and tilted her head regarding the woman shrewdly.  Almost dismissively she said, “This is just pain.  It was hard to hear, that’s all.  I half expected something like that story.  I came here because of those Great Law violations. Running off because something’s difficult isn’t my way.

“Is there anything else that I should know about?”

“T’ere’s a matter t’at ye should know from m’,” said Tanlin, eager to change the subject, hope flaring.  “T’e counterfeit scrip t’at ‘as plagued yer last few Gat’erings originated on t’is ship. Barad an’ Mister Morgu conspired toget’er on t’at.  T’ere are many ‘oo were guilty o’ ‘elping t’ make or pass ‘t.”

“I see,” said Kurin.  She wrapped white hair about several fingers as she thought.  Concentration helped her to ignore the pain knotting her stomach.  She remembered some things that both Alor and Captain Mord had complained of and got an impish grin.  “I think that I have an idea about how to deal with that little problem.”

She turned serious again and said grimly, “There’s another problem that might not be so easy, though.  The Grandalor has an ominous reputation.  There are up to several hundred disappearances, perhaps murders.  Somehow they will have to be dealt with.”

This time it was Tanlin who grinned.  She raised her left index finger and chuckled around the stone of fear in her heart, “T’ey never ‘appened.  Nae even ane.”

“Then what did happen to all those people?” asked Kurin skeptically.

Tanlin snorted in amusement and replied, “Indentures.  Barad brokered t’eir indenture sales in t’e Arraken fleet.  T’e ‘ule ship kept t’e secret as a groit joke on t’e Naral fleet.  T’ere were nae mysterious disappearances.  Tis all in t’e Log an’ accounts.”

Angrily, Kurin started to say, “That’s a violation of the First Great Law! The sale of indentures is slavery!”

Tanlin held up a hand to stem the clearly expected outburst from Kurin. Calmly she explained, “Oi know t’e views o’ t’e Naral fleet on t’e matter.  As indenture’s practiced in t’e Arrakan fleet tis nae slavery nae does ‘t violate t’e Forst Groit Law.  Tis t’e ‘art o’ t’e Arrakan system o’ education.  Yer apprenticeship system comes closer t’ slavery t’an our indenture system.”

Kurin leaned forward curiously, listening carefully as Tanlin went on, “Barad discovered ‘ow our education system worked.  ‘E made yer castoffs int’ students t’at our fleet paid ‘igh prices for. Wen t’e Princamorn wa’ wrecked, we were on our way t’ meet Barad an’ pick up t’e latest crop o’ indentures.”

“Ye ‘ad t’ know about t’e indenture sales.  T’ey’re sure t’ try t’ attack us wit’ t’em.  T’e sales were legal in our fleet an’ dune in our territory.  T’e T’ird Groit Law’s all t’e defense m’ Barad needs.”

Tanlin regarded Kurin soberly for a few moments.  She’s so small.  Can she truly save us?  Barad trusts ‘er an’ t’ere’s few enow ‘e does.  She said quietly, “T’e Grandalor’s books, Logs an’ all else wit’ nut’in’ an’ nane ‘eld bock, is open t’ ye. Ask anyt’ing.  I’ we know t’e answer, tis yers.  Oi’ve ordered t’at t’ere’s t’ be nut’in’ ‘idden from ye.”

Earnestly, Tanlin requested, “Study t’e case forst, t’en answer ane quest’n.  Will ye please put our case before t’e Naral fleet?”

When Kurin did not answer immediately, Tanlin added, a little bitterly, “We’ve little ot’er ‘ope o’ gettin’ justice. Remember, nae even ye quest’ned t’e violations o’ law, bot’ Groit an’ fleet, t’at were dune t’ us.  Ye ‘ave t’eir respect an’ ye were t’e victim o’ t’e assault.  T’ey’ll listen t’ ye.”

 Kurin thought I’ve never refused a challenge before.  I wonder what Cat would say about me defending Barad?  Still, it’s the biggest responsibility I’ve ever faced.  She shuddered a little as she pondered, Lenai and Darkistry are wounded and in sickbay.  Macoul is dead.  Just to get me here.  I can’t let them down.

Tanlin saw Kurin’s small shudder and feared the worst.

Clearly and firmly Kurin said, “I’ve already made up my mind.  I don’t need to think it through any further.”  

Tanlin’s face fell, sure that she had lost.  Ship, love, friends and all would die.  Despair provided the darkness that the unsetting arctic sun in the ports could not.  Determination settled over her features.  Ice like the pack not far north wrapped her heart.  She would have to save her folk — — if she could.  She knew too well, from Barad’s books, the deadly skills of those directing the hunt to the south of them.  

She heard her own voice as if it were through a bulkhead, remote from what she was saying, “Oi promised ye safe conduct.  Oi’m sorry t’at we took ye so far for naught.  We’ll feed ye an’ let ye rest.  Tomorrow we’ll return ye t’ t’e Longin.

“We’ll nae be Scattered an’ executed by Council orders.  We’ll try t’ break-oot for t’e Arrakan fleet.  T’ey’ll give us a fair trial wen t’ey ‘ear o’ the Groit Law violations.  We’ll die fightin’ i’ we cannae escape.

“Oi ‘ope t’at we dinnae have t’ sink any ships doin’ ‘t.”

Appalled, Kurin exclaimed, “No!  I meant that I will be your advocate! I do have to study the case but not to make up my mind.  You were wronged.  I don’t know if I can save your crew but I have to try.”

Tanlin’s hardness turned to joy in an instant.  “Oi know t’at ye’ll do yer best an’ t’at yer best’s very good indeed.”

TO BE CONTINUED

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[peachy-inserts]

Could you write for Aizawa's s/o opening up to him about her past? She's an underground hero like him but she used to be a criminal and she's finally opening up about how her early life lead her down a dark path but she wants to be better? She just needs some help getting there. I love the way your write the characters!!❤️❤️

That means so much anon, thank you! Your words are very reassuring

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You and Aizawa had been together now for only a short number of months, but could tell already that it was becoming a very serious relationship. You could see the difference in his eyes whenever he said your name, and the way you two discussed the future was almost if it everything had already been decided. Yes, things were going quite well for you as a couple.

But something had been bothering you lately. Shouta was quick to catch on, not wanting to press you on it, but hating to see you troubled by something. Maybe they’ll tell me, if it’s important enough, he thought. He resisted the urge to confront you and tell him what was wrong, because it was plain as day that you weren’t happy the past few days, and instead watched in silence as you went on through the day as if everything were fine.

You both went out on your separate nightly patrols, kissing each other goodbye and making your ways off to your designated posts. After his shift, he stopped by his agency, shared by several other heroes, to go over some reports. 

“Motherfucker” he groaned, not bothering to apologize to the offended looking receptionist. With a heavy sigh, Aizawa shuffled the immense stack of papers that had been delivered to his desk and flipped through them. Getting to work, he settled in, accepting that he would be here working for the majority of the night.

Meanwhile, you had only just made it to the end of your patrol, feeling satisfied in your work, even though there was nothing to do other than watch the public on this particular night. Doing hero work was the most fulfilling thing in your life; you wouldn’t trade it for the world. You loved everything about it! Although you were an underground hero, you were finally doing something good for once, something worth living for, something that you could take genuine pride in. And the best part about it? You got to live authentically - being a hero meant that you got to be yourself, because nothing was more important to your career than the identity that you created for yourself, and it was all up to you. It was the realest thing in your life, and what made you wake up ready to take on the world every morning, despite having received some troubling news recently.

Your work as a villain had been exposed, and evidence was being held against you by a suspicious e-mailer. They went as far as to send you death threats, but what could you even do about it? If you dared to ask for help or advice, then you would just be exposing yourself, and everything that you had worked so hard for all these years would be taken from you in a matter of seconds. If Shouta saw, you were sure that your relationship would be in jeopardy, because how was he supposed to ever seem you in the same way? You thought about all this on the way back to his place, having agreed earlier that you would go there after work, since you were working the night shift and it was closer than your own home. 

You fell asleep almost immediately after crossing the threshold into Aizawa’s apartment, your head hitting the pillow like a rock. At around three in the morning, you were suddenly woken up by the front door abruptly slamming shut; he was rough with everything that he did, it was his personality.

“Shouta?” you said, slipping out of his bed to make your way into the entrance, seeing him turned away from you, locking the door, and holding a small stack of papers. “I was waiting for you, did anything happen?” 

He turned around, eyes dreary and heavy with stress and exhaustion. He needed to shave exceptionally bad today, too. “No” he replied. “It was uneventful, but I went to go do some office work, and-” he cut himself off, struggling with the weight of what he needed to talk to you about.

“Is something the matter?” you frowned, shuffling your feet beneath you and slipping his heavy coat off from his shoulders, storing it in the hall closet adjacent from the kitchen entrance, which was off to your left. 

He left no answer, just darting his vision away from you and moving towards the dining room table. He laid the papers out, one over the other like a set of cards in a poker game, and sat examining them.

“Were you ever going to tell me? Is… is this some kind of elaborate joke?” he was clearly hurt, pain was written all over his face. It was the most emotional that you had ever seen the man. 

“T-tell you what?” he sputtered out, knowing damn well that the same sick person who had blackmailed you had given in and spread the evidence.

“Is this… you?” he looked down, head in his hands, and slid a photograph across the chestnut table to you. There it was; the very same picture you had seen in your inbox a few days ago. “Shouta, I-” tears immediately began to well up in your eyes. If you said anything else, they would undoubtedly begin to cascade like waves.

“I wanted to tell you so bad, I-” you sniffled, not bothering to hide the fact that you were practically sobbing. “Yes… that’s me”

Remorse. The only thing you could tell he was feeling.

“But… why?”

You hid your face away from him, feeling judged and unwelcome in his home. “I just- I never wanted to be. That’s just how it happened. I didn’t- didn’t have a good upbringing, okay? That’s why I don’t want you to meet my family. They raised me so that I felt my only escape from them was to become a delinquent, to start breaking the law. I felt like I was trapped…” you trailed off, your thoughts finally pouring out like heavy rain after building up thunderstorms in your mind.

Aizawa, oddly, wasn’t mad at you. He felt sorry, which even shocked him; typically, if you were anyone else, he would have left them on the spot and have them atone for the crimes they never paid you. But you? You were one of the most selfless, caring people he knew, and he trusted you more than anyone. Besides, you admitted right off the bat that you were the one in the photograph; so then why would you possibly be making up the rest of your story?

“Im sorry…” he wasn’t sure what to say or do, other than to close the distance between the two of you and run his hand down your back, hoping to comfort you and reassure you that he still loved you. “Tell me more. I want to know everything about you, everything that has shaped you into who you are today, and most importantly the woes you have to live with. They’re mine, now, too, so don’t bother trying to let yourself suffer alone, because it hurts me too.

You sniffled, looking up at him with red, puffy, and agitated eyes, though bright and innocent, and felt your lip quiver as you suppressed another sob.

“Well… I lived that way for a couple of years, and I hated it. I fucking hated it Shouta, I was truly miserable… I just couldn’t do it anymore. So I finally broke off from the group I was in and tried to do something good with my life, and the only way I felt like I could truly redeem myself was to become a hero, because that’s the best way there is of helping people… I just want to be a good person-” this time, you didn’t try to stop it and let out a terrible cry that shook you down to your core. It hurt.

“Just please, I’m sorry but I need this, please don’t le-” before you could plea to him not to leave you over this, he cut you off.

“Darling, I love you, I love you for who you are. You past, your present, and the future I want to have with you. Just what you’ve shown me over these past few months with your kindness and dedication have convinced me that you’re possibly the greatest person I will ever have the honor of meeting, and if that’s what made your present, then I’m glad you’re letting me know, and I’m glad to know you are in fact even stronger than I thought before”.

Aizawa pulled you close to him, letting your head rest on his shoulder as you continued to weep your tried and tired little heart out, telling him under your breath repeatedly that you loved him. 

If he wasn’t sure before that you were the one, he was now. Somehow, in some strange way, all this only made him respect you even more.

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ok so i tried to make this more ‘action-y’ than my writing usually is, with more actually happening in the story and less filler information. i really hope that you guys like it !

-mod josie

[scatterpatter]

Some expanded thoughts on FF7R under the cut [SPOILERS]

So! Overall I freaking LOVED the remake and I can’t wait to see the rest! Midgar feels so alive and expanded, you really feel attached to everyone, it’s... muah! Honestly a lot of the points I’m gonna make are more nitpicks than anything. I won’t make any commentary on the gameplay because I watched a let’s play instead of playing by myself(im broke and cant afford a PS4 and $60 game >_>)

So the designs are GORGEOUS... no, the entire GAME is gorgeous. Midgar looks so good and detailed, there’s so much great implementation of color theory! Cloud is sooooo good looking!!! Barret and Aerith and Sephiroth are all GORGEOUS! Reno Rude Tseng and Rufus.. AAAA!!! The only slight complain I have is that- okay so Tifa looks AWESOME, but I honestly wish she wasn’t so skinny. Like she’s a melee fighter, but her waist and arms are so thin! I wish they gave her a bit more tone and muscle, but, oh well. I honestly can’t stop staring at the character models they look SO good

Plot-wise, I really like most of the changes/additions they made! Especially with Biggs, Wedge, and Jessie. They’re wonderful and I love them and did I mention that I love them because they’re just so dorky!!! And good!!!

Honestly, I like that Aerith is actually written to be likeable. I know that doesn’t seem like much but a lot of games fall into the trap of telling you that you’re supposed to like the female protag(looking at you, Breath of the Wild) or tell you that she’s a strong character, but they fail to show that, so the player feels like they’re just being told to get attached. Aerith, though, is actually really likeable in this game!!! She’s cute and down-to-earth, really dorky and even snarky, easily seeing past Cloud’s tough-guy act, and she can fight! It’s just so nice to see a game that shows a strong female protag instead of just telling you.

Legit everyone is horny for Cloud and I’m so here for it

Okay so like. I love Roche. I didn’t at first but he quickly grew on me. He’s so awfully chaotic and I just- I love him. I’m mad that he was just kinda forgotten, though. Like! He could’ve shown up at the ending chase!!!

THEY REALLY WROTE HOJO TO BE AS CREEPY AS POSSIBLE HUH. Like I’m not complaining because like he’s basically the reason why everything happened, but! Ahhhh he makes me squirm he’s a creep with a gross science fetish and I wanna stab himmmmm

Okay so. President Shinra is a little bit TOO stereotypically evil? Like having a gold statue of himself and not even caring about sabotaging one of his own reactors when one little console gets destroyed??? Like it’s almost comical how evil he’s written to be. Though, I do like the scene where he calls Barret out on his ideals, that was neat!

Nowww, Heidegger Scarlet Palmer and Reeve? MUAH. Heidegger and Scarlet are written so sadistically but like in such a likeable way, especially Heidegger. God I hate them both but you just love to hate them!!! Palmer is HILARIOUS- I love how he’s written to be the spoiled kid whose parents forced the other kids to include him so he’s just there even though he doesn’t do anything. And Reeve? Well...

SO REEVE IS MY FAVORITE ATM SINCE WE DON’T HAVE VINCENT YET, AND REEVE IS JUST... <3 <3 <3 Okay so first off, his design is perfect. He doesn’t really stand out in the same way that Heidegger Scarlet and Palmer do. He just has a normal build, normal suit, normal hair slicked back- he just looks like a normal employee, totally inconspicuous... which is very fitting considering how he ends up being undercover and needs to look inconspicuous ;)

Though Reeve shows clear signs of overworking himself and being emotionally abused by his coworkers which... sucks. I mean it’s good writing but I feel so awful for him- Like you know it’s bad when someone just has to hold up a hand to get you to shut up and sit down. I like that he tries to do good things but steps down when he’s told to, that he’s empathetic but cowardly. It does a great job at setting up his character arc in future chapters <3

Okay so one thing- I thought the build-up for the plate dropping was amazing, but honestly... the plate itself falling was slightly underwhelming, to be completely honest. Like- I just didn’t feel the impact that a plate falling would have! Mainly because, you don’t see a single death which is interesting. Like you see people running from falling debris, but legit not a single death is implied. Honestly? I thought the scene would have been far more impactful if they showed:

Seventh Heaven actually being destroyed

The people topside reacting to the ground beneath them collapsing and them falling to their deaths(They only tried to evacuate Sector 7 slums! Not the topside!!!)

More people actually being implied to have been crushed(No, Im not counting Wedge). Like in the original FF7 there’s a scene where someone’s watching tv and you see the plate falling from outside the window- and there’s a reporter just doing his normal shit before he suddenly looks up and things go to static- like- thats an intense scene and I wish the remake did more stuff like that!

They do great showing people REACTING to the plate falling which is why its so appalling to me that they dont show much of the actual devastation DURING plate fall

I LOVE that Cait Sith shows up at the plate falling! It shows that Reeve actually tried to warn people(something he asked to do and was denied earlier), even if he was too late. The only problem I have is that new players who dont know who Cait Sith is will be horribly confused as to who and why he’s there???

Also, when the crew goes back to Sector 7, you don’t really... feel the impact right away. Keep in mind, an entire section of city just fell onto another section of city WITH the supports holding it up, there should have been way more rubble. Yet, the area where Seventh Heaven is just... looks like it was hit with a major earthquake. There should be way more rubble, like mountains of it. It’s weird since the opening cinematic really captures the scope of how huge Midgar is, but the plate falling just doesn’t really show the scope of how much devastation there was to losing an entire plate.

The scope of it is done a bit better when climbing up Sector 7, but I still feel like the weight and scope of destruction isn’t lived up to its full potential.

Okay so- Wedge and Biggs. ... Yeah, it takes away from the impact of their deaths to have them not die. I mean, I can’t make a total opinion on this just yet, because the other parts haven’t come out yet, but... if FF7R is gonna keep them alive, they better have a good reason for it tbh.

They might have done a little bit too much foreshadowing with Cloud and Aerith? Like I like Cloud having memory issues, it’s kept pretty vague... but him going “Mother?” with Jenova is a little bit too spoiler-y. Like yeah you gotta tease his whole thing but like- don’t give it away this soon!!!

I also don’t mind Seph showing up as much as he does. Like, in the original, you don’t even hear about him until close to the end of the Midgar arc. Obvi since the remake ONLY covers the Midgar arc so far, I totally understand bringing him in sooner. Again, having the clones existing might be a little too spoilery for the big twists later on, but I can let it slide since it’s still treated as very “wtf” and I’m sure anyone new to the story hasn’t put it together yet.

Did I mention how much I love Seph he’s so creepy and his eyes are gorgeous and he’s so intimidating by just being there

And the Whispers... I honestly didn’t like them. I kept forgetting that they existed honestly. They just feel so... detached from the plot. I don’t mind adding new content/story, but the Whispers just... didn’t feel well-implemented. They also felt really campy towards the end. Like, the fact that they could un-stab Barret and shield Avalanche from car accidents while they were escaping? They were legit like “no you can’t die even if you tried because fate” and takes away any tension of the scene because... well, they know they cant die.

That being said, the ending was interesting. I uh. It was interesting! So they actually defeat fate itself in order to change... who knows what. The future, maybe even the past??? I’ve got many thoughts on this

If the future is changed, that can be exciting since people who know the original’s plot won’t know what’s gonna happen next so like- okay!

If the past was changed... y’all know I’m talking about Zack. Was fate changed so that he could live? Keep in mind, we see Whispers surrounding Midgar before they dissipate and Zack’s like “ohey did I get all of em?”, implying that fate would have forbade Zack from ever getting to Midgar. Having the team defeat fate means... Zack may have now reached Midgar. 

Is alternate reality/timeline stuff going to happen now???

Cloud’s character revolves around Zack dying. What’ll happen to Cloud now???

I feel so bad for people new to the plot who don’t know who Zack is.

Nomura... you madman.

So with the ending... Nomura and Squenix is setting something up. They’re going for something huge. I uh. I fear, honestly! Because this could very likely get WAY too ambitious and WAY too confusing(Think Dream Drop Distance’s bullshit plot), and could totally fall on its face and end up being Squenix’s biggest flop of all time. But... if this succeeds and they actually pull off whatever they’re trying to pull... holy shit. I would be floored.

I honestly am a bit afraid that the plot will be too confusing for new players. Like- no one would know whats going on with Zack unless they knew the original plot, so like while this would be a great game for FF7 fans, I’m really worried that it won’t be a good game for people new to the series.

Cloud in a dress is the greatest thing and I’m so happy they kept that scene I love him so much the entire scene is so queer <3

But overall, despite some nitpicks, it was a SUPER SOLID game and I’m soooo hype to see where they go with it! I wanna see Cait and Yuffie and Cid and Vincent!!!!!!!!!

[goodbye-goodwinter]

Barbara:

hello everyone! on this date (02/07) trixie mattel released her 3rd studio album: Barbara.

i have many thoughts and feelings about her new music and i can’t wait to share them with you today!

barbara’s release:

ive basically been waiting for the release of this album for over a year. she first mentioned that she was beginning to work on her 3rd album in september of 2018 in an online interview (GQ i believe) but nothing else was really announced for a few more months. yellow cloud was played for the first time at the sony hall show in late 2018 too, so people speculated that it would feature on the 3rd album.

on the 17th of may yellow cloud was released as the beginning of a new “era”. it was poppy, punchy, and light. the music video was somewhat familiar with the whole “child’s toy” look but the sound was unlike anything we had heard before.

during the documentary’s festival run, she began playing a song by the name of, “hello, goodbye, hello’. lyrically and rhythmically beautiful, it’s amazing to think that it was written by trixie 10 years ago. it was beginning to become a strong contender for the next spot on the TM3 possible track list.

twitter stans may remember “plastic car”. an unreleased song that was recorded at a show in calgary. the meaning of the song is unknown but it seemed to have some incredibly sad themes. the clip of the song made rounds on trixie stan twitter. it was believed to be put on the next album.

well, guess what? absolutely none of those songs were put on the album.

a recording of hello, goodbye, hello was released on the documentary’s soundtrack, yellow cloud become a non-album single after the official track list was announced and plastic car will apparently never be recorded according to trixie (holding fingers she may not keep her promise ✌️).

Barbara Tracklist:

my opinion on each song is my opinion !! i am a musician but im a classically trained woodwind player so please forgive me for any strange wording or lack of musical terms (im gonna use “vibes” a lot, so, get used to that).

SIDE A:

Malibu

7.5/10

the song really makes you believe that it has set the tone and sound for the album. it’s light, fun, and beachy. i find it slightly repititve but other than that, it’s something summery and easy to listen to. vibes.

We Got the Look

8.4/10

love it!! the 15 second audio clip she put on the album visualizer does it no justice!! this song shows a completely different side of trixie’s voice and she uses her tone to her advantage. her voice sounds amazing constrasting the female backup singers. although not written by trixie, i feel like the lack of emotional connection with the lyrics helps the listeners to focus on trixie’s voice and the sound of the song. VIBES !

Girl Next Door

8.9/10

yes!!!! it’s a song that i feel like really embodies trixie’s character. if “trixie” was a real person, she would of definitely written this song. it’s strangely addictive and sugary, and throughout the whole song it becomes even more fun and feminine. it’s the type of song that doesn’t sound like it’s aggravatingly-catchy. it’s the type of song that i wouldn’t mind having as an ear worm for a couple days.

jesse, jesse

9.5/10

top 3 for me, definitely. i could care less about jesse eye-sand-berg, but this song is so well-written and mapped out. i love every bit of it. you don’t have to know what the song is actually about to fall in love with it. i love the guitar solo near the end, i love the chorus, lyrics, sound, the vib e s.

SIDE B

Gold

10/10

i was most excited for gold. i first heard it when she played 20 seconds of it in the elite daily office video and instantly fell in love. when the days leading up to the album were filled with sneak-peaks of songs (especially gold) i began to worry i would feel underwhelmed when it was officially released. i was so wrong. i love listening to music that has “layers” and gold definitely has many. it has that teary-optimism that is so present in many of trixie’s past songs and is something i relate to heavily. it’s a gorgeous song that you’ll have to listen to hundreds of times before you are completely done “exploring” it. i love the message, the sound, and all the inbetween.

I Don’t Have a Broken Heart

i don’t have a broken heart is the type of song that gently navigates you through its gentle twist and turns of its musical landscape. i love the little “acoustic runs” in the middle of the song. the lyrics before each verse have some sort of deeper meaning that im urging to figure out. only complaint? i feel like the journey of the song ends too abruptly. either way, i feel like it’s a beautiful homage to the nostalgic one stone sound of 2018.

I Do Like You

9.8/10

this is quite possibly a tie for favorite with gold. i believe this is the best showcase of trixie’s lyrical genius. it’s so raw, and pure. it almost feels too intimate. i feel like im listening to something im not meant to. and i love it. it’s not what you expect from a song titled “i do like you” but at the same time it makes so much sense. “and i don’t like it when i feel ive been had, and i don’t like it when i go to bed mad. just to wake up again at the middle of the night. why do you leave baby, why do we fight?”. something so simple makes my heart break all over again. it’s a song that isn’t trying to be something deep or strange or obscure, it’s different and slow and so very raw, and open.

stranger

a homage to the first gay men to come out. the story behind this song is heartbreaking and yet the history is so very intriguing. trixie makes it her own, she makes it into something that seems so very alien to the original context and time of the song. 40 years later, it’s being played on a chart-topping album by a world famous drag queen. it’s saying goodbye and yet saying hello at the same time. it’s sad and difficult and sob inducing. now to you, now to you.

final thoughts:

barbara is a journey. it’s an album you believe you understand after the first two songs, but as you continue to listen everything changes around you. the tone, the timbre, the texture. it’s something you don’t expect and yet you welcome it with open arms. it’s my favorite album of trixie’s so far, she truly did pour her heart and soul into it. and im so very proud of her for it.

thank you for reading! please please please let me know what you think of Barbara!

-tessa