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thatbitchsimone · 1 year

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(Trigger warning for anyone struggling with their relationship with food!!!)

I know this probably isn’t the best place to ask this question, but I don’t know where else to go to get an honest opinion and I’ve read your replies to a lot of messages and they’re really insightful and honest!

Do you have any advice on how to deal with weight gain in recovery from a ed? I’m struggling to find reassurance that’s it’s okay and normal and a good thing. I want to keep going in my recovery but I’m finding it really hard the further I go.

i cant fully grasp that dread anorexics feel about gaining weight since once again i havent experienced it but i can however ofc relate to the uncomfortableness u feel when ur body goes thru changes so thats the perspective im kinda gonna use here

the way ur body looks in the process/beginning of gaining weight isnt really the way ur body is gonna look once the weight has been stabilized and ur body has kinda ”settled down”. like ur gonna get bloated. ur gonna have water retention. theres gonna be puffiness. but thats not how ur gonna look forever like ur body is just trying to get accustomed to ur new intake and lifestyle. ur body has probably been deprived from A LOT during ur ed and thats gonna play into the way it first reacts to and handles the increase in food and weight as well. ur also not used to it yet. like ur brain needs to catch up. the goal of weight gain in recovery is also not to go from underweight to overweight. like ur not gonna get actually fat. the goal is to get u to normal weight. rn that may look fat to u but thats ur disordered brain distorting things like ur very blinded by ur disorder when it comes to whats normal and whats not like ur brain isnt even fully functioning rn bc its starved. idk what else to say like its gonna be hard but u just gotta ride it out. its like quitting smoking or drugs. u gotta ride out the withdrawal period like thats the first and hardest obstacle and then it will kinda even out and u will get some confidence out of the fact that u got thru the first trial like ur gonna be like yeah i did that i could do that like ur gonna feel strong and proud and thats whats gonna motivate u even further. overcoming hardships builds ur confidence more than anything and thats the sort of confidence that goes above and beyond the superficial like ur gonna gain this new appreciation for urself and ur body that is way more solid and real then just ur body looking a certain way or whatever like ur gonna start gaining true confidence. ur gonna be happier. focus on that like focus on the end goal here dont let temporary feelings and thoughts stop u from evolving. u already know this is what u want. ur gonna feel like shit sometimes but thats part of it like thats what recovery is u are recovering from bad shit and its a messy and sometimes terrifying exhausting road but u stay on that road. maybe u will stop and sit down at a bench on the sidewalk just to recharge and get a bit of a break but then u get up and keep walking again like u know u can do it and i know u can do it too

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sesmantelar · 5 months

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where has the time gone? why have I not been journaling and pouring my emotions here? lately, I have been doing a lot of shadow work so I can stop being in denial and get to the root of all the issues I face. I ensure that I do it in my physical diary because someone somewhere or some website had mentioned how it encourages a deeper connection with the mind and body as opposed to just digital. I still want to update here regularly though. life has been whatever lately. i'm looking to get a stable/consistent job in my city so I can relax and stop doing these crazy long drives. I work here again tonight, which I am not looking forward to, but I'm allowing myself a nice easy and restful day to set me up for success later tonight. I really want to cancel the 4 hour shift tomorrow. I have zero desire to ever come back to this place if I had a say. and to be honest, outside of these final few shifts, I do not believe i'm going to be picking up here again unless I end up in extraneous circumstances again. it's time to put myself first even more, and than means maximizing ice, exercise, and me time aka working closer to home. this coming weekend, I have my first harp recital! my harp instructor is telling me to engage in positive self talk to get through this because I do not feel ready. but im going to do it. it's at a nursing home ironically, so hopefully this may lessen the sour taste I have and give me a positive outlook. im going to go for it, and if I mess up, at least I tried. I need to find an appropriate Dres for this event however. I'm planning on testing bronze and maybe canasta tango this week on the ice. I'[m also hopping back into my OMAD. the last two weeks had two dates. I went on a beach camping trip, and then I met up with the cute coworker I used to work with at that old hospital. both dates went well, and I am proud of myself for not allowing myself to get super attached to knowing the outcome of this situation. I give up trying to know everything and give it all to the universe. I no longer have control. however, I have a gut feeling something is going to come of the situation with the coworker. im trying to think of any new crazy updates but I don't think anything super monumental has happened lately. however, I do know that I have been in a bit of a slump again. my period came twice in a month, after bumping my protein intake up to around 170g. I'm at a point in my fitness journal where every. single. day. makes an aesthetic difference. some days, you can see my 11 line abs - other days I look soft and like a teddy again. I obviously ate out at the beach, and this new guy took me to a Mexican restaurant for dinner. and I have been having some wine lately. Im not forcing myself to not have it because I enjoy it, but it must fit into my macros for it to be a weekly thing. so I need to stage another mini intervention. it now seems that every single week is an intervention for me. number one I keep skating. my weekly lessons serve as a stark reminder about my progress or lack thereof during the week. number two I MUST START STAYING HYDRATED. I need to stop "leaving" It for work because it never happens and I know do not know the last time I drank enough water number three STRICT STRICT STRICT 170g protein 50 net carbs, calories below 1400, 22 hour fasting outside of dating! stay ready so you don't have to get ready number four attend the CODA meeting on Monday night in person! number five sign up for shifts this week and start catching your finances up number six MUST READ EVERY SINGLE DAY. FIRST THING I DO UPON WAKING UP. number seven get your manicure on Monday. for some reason, when every little thing about me is together, I feel much more together in the larger aspects of my life

stay ready so you don't have to get ready.

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carmenthabaddie · 7 months

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Today is my second day on fruit cleanse. Turning myself to a confident and outspoken black woman who won’t get silenced and have a seat at the table. I love not eating meat and really trying to stick with not eating meat for spiritual and health and weight loss reasons. I have to stop eating meat cause plant based studies don’t fucking lie. Science can back this up. Each to they own but Im done with meat and the binging and overeating and depressive cycle where I eat meat and can’t control myself and say I’m not gone do it again but end up giving up. Since cutting meat i eat plenty and never gain weight and I don’t get greedy.

I love bananas and oranges especially blood oranges. Gone increase my water intake and I have stopped water enhancers with artificial sugar which makes you not lose weight and cause health problems while Im young teach and heal from toxic eating problems that no longer serve or needed in my life. I upped my cardio to 40 minutes and increase incline and moderate pace. Almost every day and get my steps up. My body is famous work of art. Healing has ups and downs and line not straight but linear.

Many men want me but very few can actually have and experience such a bad bitch making a lot of M’s. I have the power to change my life how I see fit. Spirit and my black ancestors have been so good to me and showing me I control my reality and change my perception and not be in rush to prove my haters wrong. What they think is irrelevant on my journey of healing my inner little loner not special little girl.

Truth be told im proud of me and all commitment to be better than yesterday and competing with myself and bad habits im slowly learning to stop. I am gone start doing cam girl work. And internet sex work. You know I had be rich bitch pussy don’t got no smell and should be praised and worshipped given full attention. It’s good to unpack and take ownership of my life and that I’m the only one who create this life I wanna have because I’m worth getting my way. So I will update y’all on my two week fruit cleanse.

#black femininity #black hypergamy #hypergamy #spoiled girlfriend #black beauty #black girl moodboard #black woman aesthetic #black women in luxury #i wanna lose weight #black girl manifest

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bleedingmolars · 10 months

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i’d basically given up on getting jaybird to drink water n just put his daily intake in his wet food. But i saw some tiktoks of ppl putting treats in like water bottle lids and i decided to try it and it WORKED!!! Hes drunk so much water!!! im so proud of my baby!!!

#jay tag #molars.jaybird

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thoughts-feelings-musings · 2 years

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20.3.23

I have a nice dentist. Patted me on the shoulder. Very sweet. Good guy. Trustworthy.

I’ve ordered child locks for the doors and cabinets. A book + workbook on sex. A ring sizer. Anyone looking at my Amazon orders would get a very different impression about my life than the reality would betray.

I really feel I am due some debauchery. But drinking was so nothing-y. Didn’t do anything really. Made me feel a bit dizzy but nothing else. I felt fine. I think that’s good.

I feel no different about myself or my morality or my general being. Moral perfectionism didn’t pop up. That is great. A real change. I’m not a changed woman. Everything is exactly the same. And I feel the same way about drinking as before. To be fair, if someone offered me a drink at dinner I still wouldn’t say yes. It doesn’t taste better than a glass of water, or a tea. It doesn’t affect me in any way that I would go out of my way to achieve.

In fact, I’ve felt more drunk, more elated, more of a buzz when I’m sober and just decide to feel that way. In fact I think I can get myself there better than any substance could.

Guess I’m just built different.

E got me a voice lesson for my birthday, I’m so excited. I might do some CONTROL on myself before I go so I get the most out of it.

I still feel down. But it’s ok. Im just frustrated by it. I like feeling neutral or good. It’s pissing me off that I don’t. I can’t seem to get out of this rut. Annoying.

I have a haircut tomorrow and then on Weds the intake appointment for health in mind. Still need to think about that- what I want, what I need.

I never thought I could do drinking. But I did. So while I feel now that I can never do sex and relationships. I might be able to.

This has taught me, again, that all things are possible if the conditions and environment are right. Right time, right reasons, right people, right place. Not in a perfectionism “right” way, but just in a “yes, this is a comfortable way for me to do this” and not forcing myself to do it a minute before or after.

Im proud of myself for everything surrounding my experience of alcohol. Holding out til I’m ready. Holding out til I’m with the right people. And most importantly, saying yes when I felt like I wanted to. Working on my shit and revealing how I really feel, what I really want.

It was great. I feel low, but I know the future is bright. Things take time. They feel strange, daunting, impossible. And then that feeling gently shifts into something else.

Yay me!

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jihyolesbian · 6 years

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#im rlly proud of myself i did so good with my eating today #i ate all three meals at the times i was supposed to and it wasn't that bad:)))#ive also kept up with my water intake and although ive been lacking on exercise lately it's been getting better #since cheer started and im now getting at least 2 wholesome workouts in a week #im also learning kpop dances?? because dancing is rlly fun and the dances r quite hard lol im doing dtna rn #yay bella ur doing good!! keep it up!!

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weakanddependent · 2 years

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i just fasted my first day!! i only drank water and one energy drink, which totaled to 3 kcals :D i feel very proud of myself actually, i didnt even need gum. im gonna try to keep this up, but i have a coffee "date" tomorrow, but that will probably be all im gonna have... i have a emergancy protein bar on hand if things go south, but ive never used it. im gonna try to keep my calorie intake to under 500kcals, with some exceptions i think, but hopefully not too many hehe :p and with walking at least 10000 steps a day + plus some workouts, i think i have it under control!

remember to drink water! if i can do this, so can you!!!

#pr0 ana only for myself #ana weightloss #i wish i was thinner #vent blog #vent post #pr0 ana diary #tw ana thoughts #ana trigger #ana rules

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tobioslune · 3 years

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liquid courage

Paring: Iwaizumi Hajime x gn!reader

Genre : fluff, comfort? college au kinda, best friends to lovers, mutual pining, Iwaizumi being soft and a simp

Warnings? : implied drinking, (aged up), cursing (from the lyrics), a little smooch

a/n: This is a draft i started in january but things happened that made me leave it for about like four months lol (if u wanna know what happened while i was writing this you can read it here lol also you could see how i wrote / continued writing it here ) but! im finally finished and im pretty proud of it even though its lowkey all over the place :>> please do check out the song bc it slaps and it’s really good lol okay that’s all for now hope you enjoy <3 (last notee: likes and reblogs are really appreciated!!)

▶ now playing : drunk - dijon

You and Iwaizumi have been close friends since highschool, and feelings may have been caught during that time. With the reason of not wanting to ruin the relationship you’ve built with him, you tried to brush it off. And like every other trope where you fall for your best friend you expected that he wouldn’t feel the same way.

Surprisingly both of you ended up going to the same university, and you were able to hang out and keep in touch with each other. Everytime you think you’ve set those feelings aside, whenever some romantic tension presents itself, it bubbles up inside all over again. Like an annoying weed that keeps coming back no matter how hard you try to get rid of it.

School and other work has been pressing on you for the past few months and you just keep getting into a slump. No matter how hard you try, you find yourself in the same place you were over and over again. Iwaizumi noticed this and really tried his best to help but he’s also caught up with a ton of things.

O baby, I’m lonely and I’m fucked up by myself

Could uu come here?!

It was 1am on a Saturday and Mattsun called you. You were working on an essay and it was super unexpected. It was able to shake you from the somewhat trance you were in while trying to think.

“Hey y/n-san I’m so sorry to call you at such a late time and most probably not so nice notice, but is it okay if you pick-up Hajime here at our usual place? Hanamaki and the others have already left and theres a paper I need to take care of, and you’re the only one I could think of.”

“Oh, it’s okay. Did Hajime drink too much like last time?” You think to yourself, ‘How stubborn, I’ve told him last time to be mindful of how much he takes because of his low tolerance’ You found the thought quite amusing.

“He sure has. When will you be able to get here by the way?” Mattsun replies.

“Give me about 15 minutes, it’s not so far from where I live anyways. Can you keep him company for a little while longer?” you tell him. This would be able to get your mind off the stress and exhaustion you’re in hopefully for a little while. Besides you haven’t met him in person for about month so it would be nice to see him again.

“Yeahh I can do that. Thanks again by the way y/n.”

“Suree, anytime. Okay see you in a bit, bye”

“Bye.”

The train stations are already closed at this time, and it would be too much of a hassle to take a cab to and from where he lives so it probably would be best that he crash at your place instead.

You straighten a few things up in your apartment and proceed to grab a jacket, your keys, wallet and your phone, placing it into a small purse. As you closed the door you could already feel a rush of cold air surrounding you.

The walk there was quite refreshing and you felt much better than you did earlier. As you arrived there you could see Mattsun waiting in front. You smiled as you walked toward him. It took him a couple seconds to recognize you as you came into view.

“Heyy, hope I didn’t take too long” you said as you greeted him with a hug.

“No, it’s all good you actually arrived faster than I expected”, Mattsun replies returning your smile.

“He’s inside by the way.” gesturing with the back of his thumb.

“Okay, I’ll go take care of it from here”

“Thanks again, apologies if it interrupted anything important.”

“Like I said, it's alright! I got it.” you assure him.

You both bid your goodbyes and you make your way inside the homey bar. There he was, head resting on his right hand and glass of water in the other. You figured he sobered up at least a little bit.

You let out an amused sigh, “Oh Haj, I’ve told you a couple of times last time to watch it, right?” You took a seat in front of him, leaning your head on your hand. He laughed a little at the statement made. “Sorry y/n, got a bit caught up and forgot.”

Letting out a low hum you respond, “Anyways, ready to go?”

“Yeah just give me a moment.” His head was still pounding from the drinks.

I’M WASTING and I’m anxious; I’m fading from myself…

You placed his arm around your shoulder in an attempt to keep him upright and stable as you walk. Compared to him he was obviously heavier making it difficult for you to even make it to the door, you were basically stumbling out, but somehow you were able to manage and he was at least trying to cooperate even when everything was practically hazy for him in that moment.

----------

You fell for him, and little did you know he did too. You’ve known Hajime as reserved, reliable, firm, caring and surprisingly stubborn at times. He knew that if he told his friends and teammates they would tease him and make it more obvious that's why he kept it in a never said a word.

He liked you, he liked you so much, but sometimes you just seemed so out of reach to him. Loved by almost everyone, you were beautiful, charming and just overall amazing to him. There were times where he really tried to deny his feelings, his emotions, toward you but whenever another guy would be around you he just can’t help but want you all to himself.

--------

As school progressed your schedule became more hectic and your assignments started to pile up. It felt like an endless mess and an inevitable disaster. He saw how stressed you were but he felt a bit helpless because he didn't know what to do. He couldn’t really help you because of your different courses and besides he wouldn’t even know what to do. As time went on your hangouts became lesser and lesser and sometimes you'd even be too busy or even too tired to chat with him. You would try making plans but your group mates would suddenly set up meetings or deadlines would abruptly be sent and given.

Although he has tried reaching out, because of how busy you were he was left alone with his thoughts and feelings and he tried to make sense of how he really felt. He wanted to avoid thinking of you but that became difficult for him when almost everything reminded him of you…

“They would have liked this..”, “I should probably ask if they ate.”, “This would be such a nice gift for y/n.”, “I wonder what they would think of this.”, it just felt like never ending thoughts of you.

---------

When Matsukawa and the rest of the old team from Seijoh offered him to hang out and catch up he couldn't say no. By going he would be able to hang out with them and it would hopefully be a distraction to help get you off his mind. He knew you were busy and in his head he thought that maybe you didn't like him the say he does. You ran circles around his mind and at time he’s just feel so conflicted and confused.

In the end he got wasted, he felt faded, and just wanted to feel ok. He accidentally ended up telling the boys out of frustration that he had feelings for someone which left him with mixed emotions at times. They found this quite surprising because who would get him so hung up and drunk like that.

COULD U COME HERE?! And say u’ll stay the night

Although you reminded him last time you went drinking to watch his intake you were still shocked that he was so drunk he could barely think straight. The cold air and silence filled the walk and everything in some way felt alright. You felt at peace and his presence made everything feel comfortable even if you were practically carrying him.

He sighs, “Hey I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess I accidentally let myself go back there again.”

“It's ok, I mean that's bound to happen to everyone at some point I've got you don't worry it's fine.” you respond.

“Where are we going, by the way?” He asks.

“I'm taking you back to my place, I mean if you don't mind. The subways are closed and the taxis are hard to come by at this time.”

“Oh ok, it's fine, I mean I have nowhere else to go to anyways and I don't really mind,” He says with a flustered laugh.

As you keep walking you pass by a convenience store you both frequently used to hang out at when your schedules weren't so busy.

“Hey Haj, we should stop there for a while just so you could sober up a little more. Also I’m a bit hungry anyway,” you suggest.

“Yeah good idea, besides you must be kind of tired trying to carry me around for this long.”

You both make your way to the convenience store and you tell him to sit outside while you buy something for the both of you.

Cause it’s been a while, since I've seen u smiling! O baby, could u come down? I think I’m freaking out! And I’m drunk!

You step inside and the warmth of the shop embraces you. You then proceed to get some meat buns, and two coffees. As you go to pay you take a glimpse outside to check up on Iwaizumi and to your surprise he was already looking at you. You quickly turn away and you feel a small blush attempting to creep up on your face, but you shake the thought away as you make it to the counter.

You finish paying and walk over to where Iwaizumi is sitting and you place the food down on the table. Handing over a meat bun and a coffee to him, you sit down and sigh in satisfaction as you bite into yours. Somewhat comfortable silence fills the space and you absentmindedly process everything that happened.

“So, how was the hang out with the guys? I haven't seen them in so long. You sure must’ve had fun...” You say in the hopes of making things a little less awkward and quiet.

“Oh yeah it was great.” He replies with his mouth still with food, you laugh and he continues after he finally swallows what he was eating.

“Yeah it was really fun, we got to catch up on a lot and they're doing pretty great I must say. You should come next time, I mean when you're not busy. I miss our hangouts, you know...”

“Is this not a hangout?” You humorously ask.

“I mean, it is but I'm saying we should hang out more when you're not busy and when I'm not drunk.” He says with a laugh.

“Yeah we totally should.“ You say with a smile.

“So anyways, how's life?”

“Well I mean I'm doing ok, but overall just really stressed. Work and papers have been piling up and my head has been pounding for like weeks or maybe even just days you know, but I guess I'm doing fine.” Giving a small laugh to lighten the statement.

“Yeah the workloads really suck right now, they're crazy. But I'm here for you if you need anything even if I don’t really understand a thing from your subjects.”

“Yeah, I know.” You say giving him a reassuring grin.

You both take a brief pause when he suddenly brings up an old inside joke you both had when you were younger. You spend about an hour reliving memories, throwing around jokes, teasing each other and laughing a lot.

Sighing into a smile he says, “I really miss this. It's been a while since I've seen you smile like that.”

“Yeah I missed our hangouts like these, this feels so great and nostalgic in a way.”

And I don’t think I can beat it, I’m paralyzed, I’m terrified of being alone!

You both clean up and start to continue your walk back to your place. All the stress you’ve been feeling earlier feels as if it has left and you feel relieved. As you both near your apartment complex, Iwaizumi stops making you turn back.

“Hey, you okay?” You ask.

“Yeah I’m good.” You then proceed to turn around, but he suddenly continues.

“Listen I need to tell you something, and I need you to promise me that we’re still going to be ok even as friends afterwards.” He says with a slight seriousness on his face

“Yeah, you can tell me anything I promise I'll still stay. I mean unless you're a criminal and you're gonna kill me.” You joke. Moving closer to him you prepare yourself a bit for whatever he would say. “So what's up?”

He takes a breath, “I like you y/n -san.... and I'm really sorry if you don’t like me after this or if this makes anything awkward or if I made you uncomfortable in any way. I've liked you since high school and I was too scared to say anything because I thought you liked another guy--”

“--I swear even when we were younger there was something about you that just made everyone like you. You were so nice, friendly to everyone, helpful, beautiful, and so much more. You’re captivating to me… and I’m trying to use whatever’s left of this liquid courage to get this off my chest and I think I’m ready for whatever might come next.”

Your mouth parts slightly from shock because of what he said but it slowly, turns into a huge grin.

“Hajime, I don't know what to say…” you cut him off before he could say anything,

“Because I like you too, and I have for such a long time.”

He lifts up his head with hope and a slight disbelief in his eyes, “You do..? You did..?!’’

“Yes..” you say with a small chuckle and a smile plastered across your face. You walk even closer until you're both mere inches away from each other. You take a relieved sigh and make eye contact with him. You wrap your arms around his neck and draw him in for a hug. He places his arms delicately around your waist hugging you back.

He slowly pulls away and cups your face ever so tenderly, pulling you in so that your lips are merely ghosting the others; and he gently kisses you. You felt as if that you were floating on clouds. His lips were so soft and warm it felt so surreal.

You both pull away and he says with a smile, “I've waited and wanted for so long to do that.”

You couldn't believe that everything that happened, actually happened. It felt like a scenario that you would only be able to play in your head. But it was all real and it was all happening. It felt like a dream, and if this were a scene in some cute drama there would have been hearts floating around your head right now, you felt lovestruck.

Cause it’s been a while, since i’ve thought about the good things, all the bright light things all the good times that we had! It’s been a while, since I made u smile!

You finally reach your apartment hand-in-hand, sitting down on the couch as soon as you enter. The night was filled with more conversations, laughter and just overall good times. Homework forgotten and disregarded, you let yourself go and have fun. Surprisingly everything felt like it just fell into place.

You looked at him and maybe it was the alcohol but he was pretty sure he saw stars in your eyes.

“I can't believe after all this time you're finally and actually mine.” you say.

Whatever magic or fate intertwined and lined you up to this exact moment you just knew that you were forever grateful.

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youngmanifest · 3 years

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12/7/21

Cw 177lb - 5'2" BMI 31

Right now im "medically considered obese"

Havent always been this way. 5 years ago i was 115lbs and didnt see how thin i was compared to now. I ate healthy, constantly rode my bike and didnt drink as much alcohol. Now i have stretch marks in places i hoped to never have, on my tummy and sides and even small ones up around my armpit. I can never get rid of those now and i need to stop from getting more. I hate my body now. Ive hated it for years.

Ill do anything to get back to that size so i can actually appreciate it and dress the way i want to dress now.

Id be more confident, have cleaner skin and be happier in myself, and actually enjoy taking photos of myself.

Today is the first day of my fast. I havent eaten a meal since 9pm yesterday. Its now been 22hrs of fasting. Ive drank hot tea all day, had 2 snack size packs of seaweed (25cal a pack) totalling at 50cals all day.

Im home now and making more tea, and munching on one raw stick of carrot which is about 30cals.

How long can i keep this up? Thats up to my will power, which when it comes to food i have a hard time with. I need to rewire my brain to not need it so much and so often.

Im hoping i can update this in a week or so with a lower weight. I need all the inspo i can get to keep my head on track of my goal.

Gw 120lb

Ugw 115lb

12/8/21

CW: 175lbs

Im down 3lbs from last night.

Haven't eaten over 500cals in almost a day and a half. Been fasting/ restricting my eating for 35hrs now.

Must. Keep. Going.

Still restricting since 9pm monday (12/6 evening): total restricting hours right now : 43hrs.

While at work today (12/8) from 8am-5:30pm

I have had 1 pack of liquid IV (45cal)

1 black coffee, hot tea (all day ive lost count of how many cups)

2 seaweed packs (50cal)

Half a pack of salted peanuts (about 150cals)

I cheese stick (80cal)

Total cals during the day: 325cal

Still drinking tea and water

I also spent only about 3-5mins on the bike for high intensity cycling for about 2 laps around the office which burned about: 35cals

Total is :290cals

Havent decided how much dinner i will eat tonight. My boyfriend and i always cook and eat dinner together, im not telling him im restricting my food, but i told him i was fasting. Ill probabaly eat a little bit of our green chef keto meal tonight which usually is under 700cals.

This morning i weight 175, just looking foward to see if ive lost anymore when i get home.

Writing this out on my blog will hold me accountable and allow me to look at each day to keep myself going!

Ok so, 12/10/21

Im actually pretty proud if myself for how well ive been restricing my food intake and calories. Since monday 12/6, ive stayed below 900 cals a day. Ive only had one actual meal since wednesday 12/8 and even that didnt go above 800cals.

Ive added little bits of cardio and mild activity.

On wednesday i weighed myself after i ate, and i was back at 177lbs, so that was a bummer. But last night i weighed myself after eating only small stuff and lots of liquids all day and was back at 175lbs so i know what will get me to lose more.

But im sticking to it and havent binged all week so im proud of myself 🥲

#thinspo #ed restriction #skinnnny #getting skiny #i will be skiny #fitwomen

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fruit-in-the-blender · 3 years

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hey! it’s been a while, how are you?? soo i have an issue and i need some help- this is a vent so pls feel free to skip but i j need advice haha

so my mom had to give me a med that was dosed by weight so she found out my weight (20 lbs lower than when i last told her) and she was like omg so proud of u!! and so today apparently she was telling my dad that i lost sm weight and it was so good- not in like a mean way bc almost everyone in my fam struggles w weight but none of them have eds (other than me lol) so she called me to ask how much i’ve lost and she told me that if i lost a little bit more it would be amazing and i am on the verge of crying bc i’ve plateaued now and im binging (if u have binge tips also pls help) and i feel like now that my parents know my weight they’re gonna keep asking (also im a poc so parents don’t rly get the whole ed stigma)

if you have any advice, do tell 💓

ohh man... i totally feel you... i'm really sorry that they're doing that... I know that the praise and "support" probably feels good but as someone who does know a bit about eds and has experienced it firsthand, try to separate yourself from it.. Losing a lot of weight from an ed isnt good,, even if they say that it is (bc im assuming they dont know about your ed)

As to prevent bingeing-- try and eat small meals throughout the day or even snacks that are high in protein and not fast acting sugars so that you're less likely to be super hungry and binge. Also I find that staying hydrated and focusing a lot on my water intake can be really helpful-

PLEASE keep taking care of yourself, I know how parents can be,,, and as a fellow poc I get that.. I'm hispanic and my family doesn't get it (I'm sure a lot of people can relate..) and always makes comments about my body and it can get really uncomfy and just make me want to continue letting this disorder control my life.

I hope that this was at least like a little bit helpful, but stay strong and be careful- <333

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notnctu · 4 years

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green - k.dy | 127 color series ❀

❀ green - nct127 color drabble series ❀ kim doyoung x reader ❀ genre - fluff ❀ word count - 617 ❀ listen to - she likes spring, i prefer winter by slchld ❀ synopsis - green symbolizes life, growth, renewal, nature, and ambition. you needed someone to water you in order to grow.

❀ a/n: hi this is author doie❀! I hope you enjoy this color series! these are my original moodboards and are watermarked! im okay with people using them for wallpapers, but pls don’t reupload them as your own!! thank you hehehehe!!

Doyoung was a breath of fresh air. There weren’t enough words in the world to thank him for his existence. He was there when you needed someone the most. Determination reflected in his eyes when he told you he was never leaving your side.

Doyoung, your one true love. There was a small acknowledgement in your mind and your heart that he was the only person that had a piece of you. Through fallen leaves, cold breezy nights, warm summer days, he was the reason behind who you were now.

He made you feel green. Ambitious. Reborn. Serene. Grateful. Down to earth. Feelings, words, actions became so consistently natural with him as if he always belonged in your arms. He was the green sea foam air that filled your lungs. He was the grounded, sturdy figure that branched out with support whenever you needed it. Doyoung was rich in heart and in tuned with his emotions, someone who cared more for others than himself.

“You need to give it extra care and attention, okay?” Doyoung’s tiny voice carried throughout his pristine white apartment with green accents. He carefully sprayed his rosemary plants with a sparkling mist, his favorite.

You gave him a small nod and made yourself comfortable on his couch. “You called me to house-sit your plants? That was your emergency?”

Doyoung scoffed at the disappointment in your voice. He looked over at you, admiring how beautifully you’ve grown. He sat next to you, his leg bent underneath the other. Drawing your hands into his lap, your curious blink caused him to smile all wide and gummy. “Maybe it was an excuse to see you one last time before I left for my trip.”

There it was: the sharp intake of breath, the cool toned green rays that highlighted small features on your face, your shy, pretty grin. He knew your reactions all too well, ever since you two were younger.

To him, you were his rosemary, the most fragrant love he could ever experience. To him, you were mint, the most refreshing person that never fails to impress him. To him, you were an emerald, an eye catching jewel without being flashy.

“I’ll be here after your trip too. I brought my work with me so I can camp out here when you’re gone.” You showed him your stacked files and laptop that scattered messily on his glass coffee table.

“It’s reassuring to know that my home won’t be lonely.” The aroma of newly brewed tea drifted around the cozy complex. Doyoung sipped the bitter liquid, but your smile was enough sweetener.

“You’re worried this big mansion would be lonely without you?” You threw your arms in the air dramatically to gesture to the massive structure. White walls that stretched to high ceilings with vines that grew tall. All bought with the long years of Doyoung’s diligence. You were more than proud of his success and it only motivated you further.

Doyoung wrapped his long arms around your shoulders. His body draped comfortably on your’s and supported by the couch. He leaned over to whisper in your ear gently, “I was talking about you.”

His messy bangs covered his eyes, but his soft lips kissed your temple tenderly. He got off to continue drowning himself in expensive leaves and you turned to watch his tall figure wander into the kitchen. His smile was small, but it bloomed on his face so nicely.

Maybe it was admiration for the man who watered you so you could grow. Maybe it was unconditional love you two shared for one another that filled your heart. One thing you never grew out of was that Doyoung made you feel green.

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