#im unattractive and everyone fucking knows it

[xinvisible-monstersx]

I’m so fucking ugly

[featherymainffins]

Kyle Gallner is somehow capable of looking both hot as hell and whiter than Wonderbread bread and twice as milquetoast at the same time. What do they keep doing with him on sets

[ambiguousfiction]

:))

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

Stede gives me the vibe that in a modern world, Mary would dump him, he’d realize he doesn’t like women. Abd then just not act on it because “it’s too late to come out”

im assuming in this modern au mary is telling stede that she's dumping stede because he's gay, because otherwise i dont know if stede would figure it out on his own.

however. if modern au stede realizes he's gay before meeting ed i think he would act on it. this is the same guy who, when he realized he didn't like the life he was living, bought a boat and ran away to be a pirate. this is the same guy who, when he realized he was in love, immediately started planning a way to get back to ed. stede bonnet commits and commits hard, no matter how insane his goals are.

but stede wouldnt act on it by trying to go out and date and meet people like a normal person. obviously. he'd fucking open a gay bar or a drag bar or go straight into trying to dom at a gay bdsm club or some shit. he'd google "gay orgies near me" and show up to an address he got from a listing on craigslist dressed like he's going to senior prom. he'd be in public somewhere and see a stranger sitting on a bench with a gay pride pin and just walk over and be like "hello! i see you're gay. me too! any idea where i can find more of us?" and that's how he meets lucius. his first attempts at hitting on people will just be describing his entire situation ("i was married to a woman until quite recently, when she realized i was gay. she had to be the one to tell me! ive never been with a man before but i am very interested in gaining experience. would you like to have sex with me?") to complete strangers and he thinks the reason everyone keeps saying no is because he's unattractive.

[neuvistar]

MARYSE IM SONASORRY BUT MINOR SPOILERS IN THE BLUE LOCK MANGA !!

there was this one momeny where isagi was abt to be kicked by a particular guy and then he was kinda saved by chigiri, and bachira came n started cracking his knuckles n he was probs abt to beef w the dude cuzzz 😍😍 like he was like “if you wanna go, i’m down” LIKEEEE 😍😍😍 he’s soooo..

— 🍨

MINOR SPOILERS EVERYONE <33 oh my days. i’ve started the manga a few days ago n yk continued on from where i finished in the anime n now i’m very far into it LMFAO so so fast! i think i know what you mean, it was with shidou right?? I THINK I SAW THAT. I WAS FREAKING OUT HE WAS RLLY GETTIN READY LMFAOO <33 he’s so cute, he deserves a writing from me! here you go 🍨 anon, didnt even request for it but it’s fine i love my anons!

maryse from the future ^.^ — MY OTHER BELOVED ANONS I SQEAR ILL FINISH OTHER WORKS I SWEAR I APOLOGIZE

FOR YOU AND YOU ONLY.

— featuring . meguru bachira x fem!reader

— warnings / content warnings . sfw. cringe warning cringe warning waha!! bachira bein there for you how sweet of him, a lil bit of she/her pronouns, perhaps reader is hinted to be a lil shorter in height, hints of violence but i promise it’s not that bad ૮꒰⸝⸝´ᜊ ˋ⸝⸝꒱ა, um kinda ooc maybe?? IDK i gave up halfway and this may be a lil short n terrible but oh well it’s ALRIGHT i’m tired overall sfw content, not much warnings woohoo !! tell me if I should add / missed a few things ໒꒰՞ ܸ. .ܸ՞꒱ა

ੈ‧₊˚ “i’ll be willing to do anything to protect you”

✦ MEGURU . BACHIRA

frustrated. bachira was frustrated at the sound of chuckles and loud chattering from the men he was a few feet across from, gosh.. do they have to be this loud? it was just a few minutes after his game ended, he was exhausted and these two people weren’t helping at all, he grew more frustrated by the second. he glanced at the two for a good two minutes, cocking a brow. now hang on.. those were the guys that were speaking ill about you!

“the lady that gave him the bottled water? she’s his girlfriend?! quite the taste meguru bachira has.”

“nuh uh quit lying to yourself, she doesn’t look too pleasing. if anything, i’ve seen better looking women. see now, i don’t even know why bachira picked someone unattractive like her, i thought he’d have a better taste when it comes to women.”

“well it appears he doesn’t”

bachira’s heart dropped to his stomach, just what the hell were they on about? he bit the inside of his cheek, running his fingers through his hair before crossing his arms clearly upset at what the two guys had to say about you. he was getting even more and more frustrated by the second, who are they to tell him if his partner looks attractive or not, that isn’t their decision to make! fuck.. he couldn’t take it anymore. bachira stood up, making his way over to the two boys talking ill about you. “ahem.” the duo looked at each other then back at him, letting out a few laughs here and there. he’s basically told everyone around him about you, so much even people know about you both but these two guys don’t seem to get it. bachira knew how sensitive you were, he knew how quick you can take insults to heart, he wants to take matters in his own hands at times and protect you.

“to me, it seems as if you both seem to have the guts to talk ill about someone you don’t even know personally, thinking i wouldn’t hear what was running in your mouths.” he glared at the two, taking a step forward towards them.

“shit dude why are you so angry, can’t take a joke?”

“yeah, we were just joking. you’re getting all aggressive n defensive for nothing”

bachira’s body tensed, clenching his fists. did they really have to edge him on even longer? he was losing his patience, he wanted to tell these boys to scram already. unfortunately, the duo did not speak my further, attempting to walk out only to be stopped by bachira himself. “listen here, if i ever hear you both run your mouths about her once more, i’ll show you how aggressive and defensive i can get” “trying to sound all tough are ya? what are you going to do huh?” he smirked, cracking his knuckles. “guess we’ll have to find out.”

— buuuwwep !! ૮꒰ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ꒱ྀིა

“meguru!” you ran up to your boyfriend, wrapping your arms around his neck as your nose picked up his scent, lips curving into a smile. “missed you so much, y’know that?” he grinned, hands resting on your hips, pressing a gentle kiss on your forehead. you’re too sweet.. even though his mood changed when he saw you, he still can’t help but repeat whatever those guys said about you in his head, he exhaled lowly and grabbed your hand, kissing it before holding it tightly against his own. tilting your head and looking up in curiosity, you couldn’t help but sense something unusual about your boyfriend, “something the matter, meguru?” bachira tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, leaning over to kiss your cheek.

“ah. . nono it’s nothing, how about we go cool down with some ice cream? it’s kinda hot, isn’t it?” “of course, let’s go” deep inside of his heart, he couldn’t help but feel upset for you. who do those people think they are? they think they can just walk in and talk ill about someone as sweet as you are? most people have no human decency, he thought. he cant let you know about anything, he was willing to block all kinds of negative things from you, protect you from anything that tries to harm you in any way.

“if i’m being honest i never expected her to even get together with bachira, she doesn’t really suit him.” a voice can be heard from the opposite direction from where you and him were walking, he sighed to himself. if only he could protect you from everything, but sometimes he can’t always be your knight in shining armour, and that’s frustrating to him. if only he was always there by your side, he wanted to be by your side, he wanted to always be there for you but he is aware he can’t always be there beside you, someday he knows that you’ll overhear something from others.. someday and somehow. but regardless of anything, bachira is willing to prevent you from hearing ill things about you, he is willing to do anything to protect you, for you and you only.

This is so rushed omg i’m so sorry it’s late at night i’m losing my mind ૮ ྀི◞͈ ˔ ◟͈ ྀིა — Maryse

[simplylupin]

the fruity four as things my friends have said

eddie: is a back or neck more attractive i need to know everyone’s opinions

GUYS 

THIS IS IMPORTANT CMON

robin: neck.

eddie: wtf neck???

back is superior 

steve: mate a back is a back y’know?

actually idk

nancy: neither are particularly attractive 

steve: i feel like necks if they’re a bit “odd” it’s more insignificant than backs 

cause when a backing is backing...

damn

robin: backing 😭

eddie: no i get exactly what you mean

nancy: what the fuck

~ 

steve: orgasms or music

eddie: music

steve: priorities 

eddie: good music is an orgasm 

~

robin: i just choked 

nancy: oh-

are you...

okay??

robin: i am now

but like i wasn’t 

~ robin: i don’t understand how there has been 360000+ births today 

like that doesn’t compute in my brain

how do 360000+ people have the same birthday ugh i hate that

~

robin: u had a fucking dream about me getting mauled by an alligator-

and stood by with no emotion-

eddie: it was a dream?? i can’t control it 🤨🤨🤨

robin: yeah but it feels personal that u and steve lived but i got chomped

also steve wtf??

why didn’t u jump in and save me?!

steve: eddies dream!!! he’s the mean one

nancy: i had a dream where eddie killed us all

robin: realistic 

~ eddie: would smash

would show u my neck

robin: 😭😭

eddie: lol ofc robin shows up as soon as i mention necks

robin: stfu

eddie: no???

~ robin: vapes are extremely unattractive 

like ew

nancy: especially elf bars

if you’re going to vape at least be eco friendly 

~ 

robin: “i don’t like when everything is grey”

“is that racist to grey people?” - steve

steve: i was talking about vampires.

robin i hate you 

~ eddie: steve 🤤🥵🥵🥵🥵

nancy: .....

robin: what.

eddie: he’s doing the thirst trap pose rn

arm out holding himself up

🤤🤤🤤🥵🥵🥵

steve: eddie.

eddie: what daddy? 🤤🤤

SORRY ABABHABA 

i am so sorry

~ eddie: it’s the full moon tonight don’t wanna make daddy werewolf mad

ew

sorry that was

no

robin: BHAHAHAHAHA I HAD TO TAKE A MOMENT THERE

nancy: eddie u need to touch some proper christian grass- 

steve: i am

horrified 

~

eddie: IM FUCIGNJRNG

GUYS

THERES A FAT SPIDER

RIGHT BY MY BED

IM NOT EVEN KIDDING

nancy: get wayne 😭

robin: photographic evidence or ur lying

*photographic evidence*

robin: EW WTF NO ITS ONE OF THE WEIRD ONES WITH UNNECESSARY LONG LEGS

eddie: I just panicked so hard

woke up steve and he got it 😍😍😍

i can’t fall asleep now wtf

I CAN FEEL IT EVERYWHERE

~ 

robin: i hate honeymoons

eddie: same

robin: just happy couples boning 24/7

eddie: it’s just an excuse for rich people to splash out and have sex in public places 

~ nancy: GUYS WTF MY MUM IS ON MY FYP 😭😭😭😭

robin: WHATSBSBAH

steve: what

nancy: APPARENTLY MIKE HAS A TIKTOK???

steve: WHAT

nancy: wtf why does mike have better legs than me

eddie: HELP THIS IS SO FUNNY HIS ACCOUNT IS GOLD

robin: how many followers does he have?

nancy: 65 lmaooooo

eddie: 66 now 😍

nancy: EDDIE NO

UNFOLLOW HIM

HE’LL HATE ME FOREVER

eddie: no

~ 

steve: i’m just trying to eat my fruit in peace 💔

eddie: oh

what fruit might that be ;))))))

steve: oh my lord

[lyra-heartstring]

TW: Mentions of Sh, suicide, Od, racism ( self directed/internalized )

Before i start, the racism part of this is genuinely only to myself. I dont care what race other people are, i just hate mine.

Letter for the boy in the mirror that i wish to kill.

Spending the past 16 years of my life being ugly has been my enternal hell. I have to live everyday knowing im conventionally unattractive and no matter the clothes i wear and the way i style myself ill always be ugly. I have wonderful outfits that i think are really fucking cool or just nice and casual, but the only issue is my face and my skin. I dont want to deal with this shit, i hate my skin tone and i hate everyone trying to tell me to be proud of it. " Black is beautiful "Go fuck yourself, im not and for some reason everyone feels the need to let me know like i havent had to live with this body that i wish wasn't nine. "You're ugly" " who would like you" " you can atleast try to be funny " all of you can die, im tired of you and your fake sympathetic bullshit or the rejections in which i get infantalized bc people dont wwnt to be mean, just for me to find out wbt what they were thinking later. I get it im ugly and i tucking hate my race every issue i have stems in some way shape or form from those 2 factors (gender is another but that's a seperate rant on its own ) and don't give me that bullshit " its just your style " " dress nicely " fashion is a looks thing irregardless of how u want to spin it. Outfits look good because of how the person looks and for some fucking reason nothing works with me. My parents are trying to style me as some proper black christiwn boy, thats litterally the entire opposite of what i want to be. i have to deal with everyone tell me shit like " your outfit looks good", hoping one day they talk about me. " your shirt is nice " what about me?, " your outfit is cute ", what about me?. Ive spent years living as the billshit excuse of a human being with people shoving it down throat that im ugly, but THE SECOND I TRY TO KILL MY SELF OR I CUT MYSELF EVERYONE IS SUDDENLY THE GOOD SAMARITAN READY TO SAVE ME FROM MY TROUBLES. " Im jealous of you ", " i wish i looked like you ", " you arent ugly " I swear to every single celestial being i will rip off the head of the next person who tries to spoon feed me this bullshit. Im the person who is better off taking the photos, the one in the back of the pictures being blocked by people and thanks to my fucking skin tone i looked like some fucked up horror monster in polaroids. Now that its been 16 years of not a single person being there for me, suddenly everyone is some empath and knows how i feel. " i relate " " i understand how you " NO YOU FUCKING DONT, YOU POST AESTHETIC PHOTOS OF YOURSELF WEEKLY, HAVE PEOPLE HITTING ON YOU, WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT BC U ARE ATTRACTIVE ANYWAYS SO ANYTHING U WEAR IS A " fit ". GO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF, TRY BEING THE PERSON THAT EVERYONR IS SUPRISED MANAGES TO DATE SOMEONE, ITS NOT THE SURPRISED OF " we didnt know " ITS THE BULLSHIT SURPRISE WHETE THEY ACY LIKE YOUR PARTNER IS BLIND OR YOU ARR PAYING THE PERSON TO DATE YOU. ITS THAT BULLSHIT SURPRISE YHAT SOMEONE ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH LIKES YOU. IF YOU EVEN GO THROUGH A PORTION OF THAT THEN MAYBE SAY U UNDERSTAND ME, DONT TRY TO RELATE TO MY STORY WHEN YOUR BIGGEST WORRY IS BEING HIT ON. MY BIGGEST WORRY IS BEING CALLED CREEPY BC I SAID I LIKE SOMEONE, OR A WEIRDO BC I CONFESS TO SOMEONE " i like you " BC ITS CRAZY THAT MY ABORTED FETUS LOOK-A-LIKE SELF HAS YHE AUDACITY TO DEVELOP FEELINGS WHILR LOOKING THE WAY I DO. EVERYONE ELSE CAUSE DO THE SAME SHIT AND ITS A SILLY FUN HIGHSCHOOL EXPERIENCE, ITS FUNNY, AKWARD, ROMANTIC. What i would give to be a different person, different hair, different face, different race, different voice, the amout i would throw away just for that is unmeasureable. To the higher beings i hate you for what you have

done to me, people worship you for what you have fone for them, and im suppossed to join along and be thankful of the gift of life when my life has been nothing but a curse. I hate you for how i look, i hate that everyday i have to find new methods to not think or look into mirrors bc my immediate reaction to commit suicide. Im 16 with a violent hatred towards my face, a waste of space incomplete cell called my body, the urge/desire to kill myself the second i think abt how i look, pure hatred and negativity. I spend all my time cutting because the moment the blade leaves my skin i remember im ugly. The many nights i stare into the mirror with the pills in my hand as i cry for being dealt this shit of a hand from life. I hope for happiness one day but ik that i will never find it nor will i let go of this anger. To the few people reading this

[minniedream]

trying to come to terms w being unattractive + unpopular/unwanted is soooo difficult when you've always wished you'd one day change and your life could "be like theirs" since you were a kid

but my life just stays the same, accepting it's always going to be like this is so hard tho

being lonely and insecure your entire life is an experience barely anyone (around me) gets

they always say "but dont u have X" or "did you try Y"

like i tried changing my makeup, my hair, my clothes, plastic surgery, gaining/losing weight, studying on the other side of the country (new ppl but same shit), being quiet, being loud, pretending, being more myself... every fucking thing and it always ends the same. people leave me for others who can offer way more interesting things than me. im only ever a back up plan bc they know im a sad loser who'll take the way they treat/use me bc i only have 2 "friends"

ive cut contact w ppl who treated me badly before but now i know its useless, everyone treats me the same so why push them away when i only make myself more lonely? and most ppl just dont interact w me at all, so being used is already something ig.

does it ever get any better? am i doomed to be excluded from so many experiences others do get?

[majorpepperidge]

damn, wish the zelda fanbase actually liked yunobo [monkey's paw curls and makes it so now everyone is infantalizing him instead of treating him like a character with actual growth] LIKE YEAH DUH HE'S CUTE OF COURSE I KNOW THAT BUT YOU CAN SAY IT WITHOUT GOING 'uwu little baby boy baby baby literal baby infant' cause it slaps of 'im treating this character like a baby because they are unattractive to me

this also coincides heavily with how many fckin zelda fans are like 'haha gorons are all asexual cuz they're all ugly dudes i don't wanna think about having fuck :)))'

[least-sexy-man-competition]

"why no women" good news! Five pebbles uses she/her pronouns, about as close we gonna get. Bad news. she's getting voted out lmao.

BUT to be entirely honest? I think its two reasons: 1. features in men that are unattractive can be twisted to be attractive in women, 2. there's a lot more 'bad' men in media than 'bad' women. Stereotypically, if a man is a villain, the media will have a lot of options- mastermind, persuasive, cunning, incel, horribly cruel, abusive, antihero, list goes on. Women villain? Welp sorry she uses the power of booba to win battles. Theres also the issue that some crimes committed by characters on this poll are seen as only commit-able by a man (and thus you will be hard pressed to find a woman doing them in media), but im not poking THAT hornets nest here.

Like lets give some examples. Grey Mann from tf2 is undebatably unsexy. The Adminsitrator is LITERALLY the same character but a woman (and maybe a little more unhinged), and yeah i know for a fact people would want her in some fashion. If the Onceler was a woman? She'd have a suit and do 'tch dawww look at those fuzzy animals losing their homes </3' and people would absolutely want her to step on them. She'd have those black heels that click evilly on the smooth tile on the ground and people would go nuts for her, what a girlboss. L as a woman? hot gamer goth chick, next. Harry? sexy women detective with drinking problems who gets suuuper drunk but looks flawless in her eyeliner. Im pretty sure theres like nine different shows hinging on that character's power of booba. Doof? That one chick from spiderverse but a little more wet rat flavored.

We could just stick a fucking tire inflator in some of these guys, pump it a few times to give them top surgery, and suddenly everyone would be going awooga at them despite 0 change. The only real unsexy woman i can think is Cruella, but im gonna be honest she is only restrained by the puppy murder. Pam from Stardew is pretty bad too from what ive heard though.

my two cents are that some fictional women are pretty but not hot / sexy. also some fictional women obviously just are none of the above like in this tourney. no i will not elaborate. yes i am right.

anyway win for 5p! i am not equipped to talk about genuine real sexism at 2 in the morning but these are all good points.

[katasstrophy]

which guy in bllk (tumblr link btw) (my money is on the itoshi bros)

NONNIE THE WAY YOU MADE ME LET OUT THE MOST UNATTRACTIVE SNORT IN PUBLIC THERE ARE ACTUAL TEARS IN MY EYES thank you for blessing me with this most important piece of knowledge 🙏🙏🙏

out of the itoshi bros my money is a hundred thousand precent on rin are you kidding this man is wholly made out spite and just the right amount of pettiness 😩🤚 he’s fluent in english so i feel like he wouldn’t have any trouble picking up on all the swears other teams aim at him unlike his dumbass teammates LMFAO and then like the little shit he is he bides his time until he has an arsenal of curse words memorized in like 47 different languages just for the sake of throwing it back at those who “wronged him” PLS HE’S SO DRAMATIC i love him

for sae…. hmmm🤔 i’d love to jump on the bandwagon that he learned spanish due to all the years he was abroad but it’s LITERALLY CANON LIKE,,,, SAE SAID SO HIMSELF THAT his greatest weakness is that he doesn’t know anything besides football and that is simply comedy gold i CANNOT IGNORE!!!! everyone views him as japan’s greatest treasure - this cool and aloof soccer prodigy worth an incomprehensible amount of money but in reality he takes taxis everywhere bc he doesn’t have a drivers license and has to pay his dietitian extra to prepare his meals bc at 23 years of age he still doesn’t know how to boil a pot of rice iM CACKLING. learning a whole ass different language???? forGET ABOUT IT never gonna happen. (i also feel like he just… wouldn’t care enough?? to “waste his time” doing smth like that yk? but you bet ur ass he’s cussing up a storm behind his deadpan face if ur annoying him LOL)

some honorable mentions!!!

shidou - he sticks to cursing in japanese but he looks so dead serious and terrifying getting all up in people’s faces it’s all the rival teams can do not to go home bawling their eyes out this man is FERAL!!!! there’s a whole twitter account with a 120k+ following dedicated to ‘candids of shidou ryusei verbally attacking people’ and it’s entirely made up of players looking like they’re about to shit their pants.

reo - of fucking course the resident billionaire nepotism baby grew up learning all the fancy rich languages. he’s usually very composed on the field, but when someone pisses him off real bad he just casually drops the nastiest string of words you’ve ever heard in your life under his breath then walks away as if nothing happened 😇 his opponents are flabbergasted - a perfect depiction of the surprised pikachu meme - wondering if that actually happened or they’re just having a fever dream (it’s always the first)

karasu and otoya - they’re the idiot duo with two collective braincells you cannot convince me otherwise I LOVE TJEM SM. otoya was full on cheering on shidou and rin while they were having a fist fight ofc he’d be down to learn cuss words in different languages to terrorize other players FOOUUUL karasu needs zero convincing he’s a menace. only problem is that they use GOOGLE TRANSLATE as their super reliable source and bc they think they can do no wrong they don’t even make the app sound out the words for them they just roll with their own pronunciation. they’re swearing on the field with their whole chest puffed out entirely too proud of themselves meanwhile the other players are so confused like??? are they having a stroke help???

[heliiumm]

Bonten chatfic

afab! y/n, sexual jokes, gay, someone died

BonTen

y/n: hey guess what i have

takeomi: bitches?

ran: bitches?

rindou: bitches?

y/n: a dick guys c'mon

sanzu: nice you'll feel how amazing cbt is

mikey: how long? it has to be shorter than mine or else ur out of the executives

y/n: ???

rindou: bet it's a 7

ran: 13 inches?

kakucho: y/n why is our organization profile someone's dick

kokonoi: KILL YOURSELF WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

y/n: wym hajime

kokonoi: i've been sent 69 pictures of the sex position 69 i need my eyes gouged out

sanzu: well at least the anonymous sender has humour

rindou: bye did we just get outed by some ass with 69

ran: my dick is longer than our profile's dick

y/n: who?

ran: the profile on our org duh tf

y/n: asked?

ran: guys can someone search most painful ways on how to kill somebody

y/n: 💀

sanzu: alr @kokonoi hajime search for that sexy ip address

sanzu: now

kokonoi: ask our IT bro wtf

mikey: y/n pick me up i wanna eat at ur place

y/n: ew baby 🍼

mikey: be here in 10 ok

y/n: omw.. 😒

rindou: so who's going to hunt the 69 guy down

kakucho: it could be a woman too you know

rindou: yeah sorry I call people guys

ran: that's my bro's default, don't worry babe 💋

kakucho: please refrain from romantic endearments to acknowledge me

kakucho: i dislike it

ran: ok, man

mikey: 💀 (me later)

y/n: ok manjiro where the fuck r u

mikey: i wish to be inside a coffin

sanzu: boss u can't do that

y/n: ok i found him

sanzu: take care of him baby

y/n: what is wrong with you

rindou: whore

kokonoi: you mean ran?

ran: what did i even do

kokonoi: have a short dick

ran: kys

kokonoi: ok sanzu the IT guy gave me the IP address im like one second away from leaking his address to twitter

kokonoi: i'm gonna say he called BTS the f slur

y/n: stan yoongi

ran: NAW OUT OF ALL SOCIALS

takeomi: why don't u just put it on reddit

rindou: who uses reddit

y/n: me

kakucho: me

y/n: it's where I gained my knowledge on every single wrong thing to do

kakucho: i use the app to post my flower garden

kakucho: i get upvotes too whenever I show my face

ran: y/n what's kakucho's username

y/n: kurokakuchowa

ran: 👍

sanzu: always the dumb ones bro

ran: fr he doesn't even know how large my desire is to fuck him

kakucho: what

takeomi: ran u know ur attractive which makes u unattractive

rindou: cocky ones do the effect too

kokonoi: yeah ran no one likes cocky guys

kokonoi: humble men r better

rindou: they like guys with big cocks tho

mikey: true

sanzu: ?

sanzu: who's they

y/n: the entire population

sanzu: how can you compare cock sizes with everyone

sanzu: asking for a friend lmao

kokonoi: bro stfu and go kill that 69 person

kokonoi: as if you have friends 😆

kokonoi: i sent you their address hurry up or no head

y/n: hajime shut up

kokonoi: ok

rindou: i accept head from guys too

rindou: just saying haha

ran: 💀💀💀

ran: (2)

takeomi: it's always the blood-related people smh

takeomi: (3)

kokonoi: sorry i only have one mouth

y/n: are you considering...

y/n: this is mikey im using y/n's phone

y/n: (4)

kakucho: you guys are so disgusting and so unprofessional

kakucho: (5)

kokonoi: i charge 1,000,000 yen per hour guys

sanzu: why is everyone numbering

sanzu: @kokonoi hajime bub i got the 69 person

kokonoi: why r u calling me bub huh

sanzu: sorry, man is too formal

y/n: everyone knowing how koko gives good head is so funny 😭

y/n: (6)

kokonoi: y/n you don't have a dick

y/n: can't you choke on plastic? i'm literally charging a million for this 🙄

kokonoi: boy stfu

kokonoi: i don't like women

y/n: we know

sanzu: yea it's pretty obv

ran: i thought everybody knew

y/n: guys do you want me to namedrop his first kiss

rindou: no, no one wants to listen to losers

takeomi: damn roasted

y/n: yeah like his first kiss' sister

kokonoi: y/n come home

kokonoi: now

sanzu: why are you copying me

sanzu: it's so sad how unoriginal you guys are

kokonoi: i'm the original gay here so shut up son of a bitch

kakucho: can someone accompany me in the red light district

rindou: what are you gonna do there

sanzu: turn the red light to green what else

mochi: girl no one wants to hear your dumbass shit speaking

sanzu: so like who asked for you to fucking open your mouth and speak

sanzu removed mochi from the group.

kakucho: meeting a client there

ran: and?

kakucho: fuck someone duh

y/n added mochi to the group.

ran: bro i'm right here

ran: are you blind

rindou: are you forgetting he only has one eye functioning

y/n: bro kakucho pms

kakucho: ok

sanzu: is boss still with you y/n

y/n: he killed himself

kokonoi: FINALLY

sanzu: ???

takeomi: thank the heavens

ran: oh my gosh i was just jerking off but that is the most nicest news i have ever heard in decades

kakucho: the sentence is grammatically incorrect it's making me cackle 🤣

rindou: who in the world uses most nicest 💀

y/n: he's dumb rindou 🥺🥺

rindou: agreed

kakucho: so can i leave this gang now

kokonoi: guys how do you apply condoms on girls

ran: i thought you only liked it up your ass

kokonoi: no what

kokonoi: unlike you i stay loyal to dick

kokonoi: i was just asking cuz my secretary said something about girl condoms so i got curious

sanzu: wtf

sanzu: y/n i'm omw

sanzu: what happened

sanzu: why did he khs

sanzu: nonononononononoononoono

kakucho: guys since he's dead, i'm gonna confess something

kakucho: i actually have a 13 inch dick..

mochi: guys how do you tie a tie

[2-braincells]

uk what? fuck it. enough of this "everyone is beautiful!!!!" bullshit.

theyre not. and im sick and tired of pretending they are.

beauty is in the eye of the beholder. your preferences and experiences affect how you see other people and their beauty. my mom isnt a particularily pretty woman. but because she loves me and i love her, shes the most beautiful woman in the world to me. but to someone else, she'd be unremarkable. and i think its ok to judge someone by their appearance (to some extent) if thats all you know of them. just keep your mind open to learn more about them.

the thing is. everyone has inherent value, no matter their appearance. your looks dont define your worth. i think thats a much better message to send.

i will give it to you that there is inherent beauty in being human and being alive tho.

but im sick and tired of feeling bad when i find someone unattractive.

[angelsarewatching]

can we get more könig stuff from you? he’s got new voice lines and i’m whipped your hcs were spot on i know he’s never known anyone biblically

just for you anon here's some more König Headcanons! @sizzlelyliesel u too

warning for THE SPICE ☺️

disclaimer that i'm just some random bitch making headcanons and everyone's headcanons are also equally valid and deserve a right to co-exist

pathetic little meow meow who pays his taxes like some loser under the cut

His name means King and he's my king honestly. but he is pathetic you must understand

he's a proficient cqc fighter, his large size makes him have an upper hand during a physical 1v1

vegetarian OKAY look. look. he is

he stammers a lot he's got a stuttering problem (outside of work)

overthinks. OVERTHINKS. overthinks so much or underthinks. not to be trusted with making decisions

follows the plan. 100%. or at least does his best into following his superior officer's orders.

the only thing you can trust him to do is to be extremely loyal. he's a faithful little guy

there's a lot of people hc him as someone who's a service top..but i can never see him that way honestly i think he's such a bottom in bed. loves to be dominated in the sheets because finally, someone's in control for him and would take good care of him. praise kink obviously

okay so if HE was a top he'd definitely be a very soft. very gentle service top who's like. still a sub. but a top. he'd do everything to please the person he's topping and eagerly let them handle the ropes

i think he'd be very attracted to someone who's very arrogant and abrasive, though extremely gorgeous. he's had just One relationship in the past and it's led to him craving a rather..unhealthy relationship which dances on the line between infatuation and obsession

i genuinely think he has a degrading kink but has a praise kink at the same time. he's so desperate to find the right person who he can just surrender everything to and be humiliated, to melt underneath the mouth which rolls off the filthiest comments about him, but then be kissed and held gently during aftercare and praised for being such a good boy

pansexual little bitch!!!!! he thinks he's so unattractive that he'll just take anyone who loves him really (he is pathetic)

okay so linking cero's own hcs.... i take some and modify some for my own fucked up fantasies

he has very restless hands. always have to do something. likes to fiddle with things. because of this he is very much into bondage--being forced to be still and restrained is something which really fucking turns him on

cock. cage.

im sorry to say this...but he probably has a pain kink. receiving. spanking.

would be very pliant in the sheets honestly...he secretly really likes the thought of free use

a daydream of his is to just be doing laundry one day and then suddenly being slammed on a washing machine

he's a touch starved whore who was bullied by random kids everyday and then he got a humiliation kink because of it

i think him being amab adds to his patheticness (in a positive way)

i will be slaughtered by codblr by this but he would definitely be the person behind the glory hole being an eager whore sucking on everyone's fat cocks

.....him....touching himself....in secret....during an online meeting....

the top he eagerly craves would probably be none other than angelise reiter.

doesn't smoke. usually. but because cero's remanance absolutely destroyed us the closest thing he'll ever do to smoking is his top exhaling smoke in his mouth (or taking a puff from their cigar.)

[marunalu]

While I don't want to put every Bakugou stan in the same box I can say that if Bakugou looks like Mineta, he wouldn't have so many people defending him because most of them are horny for Bakugou, they like thinking about him like the "bad boy" that them can change with their love or worst "he is the bad boy but he has a soft spot for me"

Yeah same, I try to remember myself all the time that not all bakugou stans are annoying and toxic, but sometimes its just.... REALLY hard to remember that, espicially because how aggressive they can be if you say even one wrong word about him! Actually I know a few bakugou fans and they are pretty chill and really nice people and accept if you dont like him. But then on the other side, you have the really bad ones, espicially on twitter, 20-30 year old fucking adults who have nothing better to do then to bully teenagers, only because they dont like their favorite fictional character! Thats why I difference between "fans" and "stans". In my eyes a fan is someone how can enjoy a character without being blinded by his love for them and can see their flaws and fuck ups. A stan is someone who is so blinded by his love for a certain character that they dont accept any kind of criticism and attack you for even the smallest thing.

For example Im a fan of severus snape, I love that asshole and while I understand why he turned out the way he is, I would never excuss his behavior towards harry and other students and woobefy him, because he has a sad past! I can love his character and criticize him at the same time and most importantly I dont attack people, who have an different opinion of him then me. I absolutely understand why people hate him!

Sadly from the experience I have made, 90% are bakugou stans and not fans and with their behavior they give everyone who likes bakugou a bad reputation. There is a reason why the rest of the fandom doesnt like them and its not fair to the bakugou fans who are actually really nice people!

And I agree with you. We all know every bakugou stan would hate his guts, if he would look like mineta or unattractive in some way. All of them would give him shit for abusing izuku and his annoying behavior towards others, the only thing that saves him from that are his "hot" looks! They lust after a fictional character, self insert themself into the person they ship with him and whos on top of that still a minor. Ewwww....

And I despise the "nice person has to change the bad boy/girl into a good guy, because for some fucking reason thats their job" trope so much!

[bamboozled-distress]

It's me, hi, I'm the problem (it's me)

Summary: based on @/idiotinacostume's tiktok, sirius promises James a date with lily and when she refuses he improvises and.. chaos ensues

Read it on ao3 !

warnings: swearing, polyjuice potion, wolfstar not being a thing, yet anyway, you'll see, oh also this is a formal apology to all prongsfoot shippers because well, this is not very pro prongsfoot, james being helplessly in love with lily and me writing this at 2am so this will not be good like at all, also im changing this so that its like that episode of friends where chandler and pheobe go on that date and they try and kiss

"Wait, what?"

Sirius ran his hand through his hair again through pure embarrassment as they stood in the prefects bathroom together with Remus having his arms crossed and Sirius looking at him helplessly partially in love and partially in exasperation. Remus' long fingers clutched the polyjuice potion tightly as he raised his eyebrows not-so patiently waiting for Sirius' response.

"Remember when I had prongs give me breakfast in bed in exchange for me doing him a favour?

"No but sure."

This time Sirius was the one who raised his eyebrows.

"Well if you even cared to pay attention, the favour that I told him I could do was to finally get him a date with Evans."

"Okay now the question I have is why the ever loving fuck you would say that knowing how badly in love with her he is and badly she despises him. Oh and you."

"Not wormtail?"

"No, I actually saw them high fiving earlier it was really weird."

"Circes tit, really?" he breathed out as Sirius put a hand on his hip.

"Yes really, now carry on you twat."

"Alright so, for obvious reasons I could not get her to agree, and as you know quite well a man can not go back on his word."

"You're not a man."

"I am a young man."

"We're 15."

"Fuck you, anyway I promised the poor lad so I've found a loop hole."

"And what would that be?"

Sirius brought out his hands and shook them in a way to show his oh so marvellous 'jazz hands', "me, of course."

"Oh yeah, 'of course' why didn't I think of that."

"Honestly moony, you're clearly not a very bright child."

"Dashing, aren't you."

"Oh moony, you're making me blush, oh stop it you. Anyway, I promised him a date with Lily not a date with the actual Lily so polyjuice will do the trick just fine."

"You're gonna go on a date with prongs," Remus deadpanned as he stared in disbelief.

"Well, you don't have to be so judgemental, am I that unattractive to you?"

Oh if Sirius knew just how attractive Remus truly thought he was, the late nights spent thinking of his star, of the one person he truly knew who he could love with no boundaries, the one person he could never have, because he loved him too much to bring him more pain. The pain he could barely handle himself, he would never bring that onto another no less the person he cared about more than everyone else, if only Remus loved him less than maybe it would stop the ache.

"Yes actually."

Remus is also a pathological liar.

"Will you give me the potion or not?"

Remus handed it over as he rolled his eyes, "when this ends terribly I'll plan the funeral."

"Who's funeral exactly?"

"I'm not sure yet."

"Oh thats not ominous at all," after a beat of silence, "thanks for stealing the potion moons."

"Oh it's fine, it was some poor slytherins."

Sirius snorted, "oh what a fine prefect you make."

"The best."

Sirius sat down on the cold tiles, took an inhale closed his eyes and gripping the potion bottle tightly he tugged it down in one go like a vodka shot. With his other hand he plugged his nose and immediately almost threw up afterwards.

"What the hell! Merlins balls that was disgusting."

Remus chuckled on the side as Sirius' pure misery, then it stopped as he saw the transformation. All he could hear were moans and groans from the other lads end but on Remus side he saw the literal transformation of his best friend turning into a woman.

"I, oh my god, are you okay?"

"What the fuck! No I'm not okay, holy shit, I sound like--"

"Lily," they both said in unison, at an instant Sirius dashed towards the mirrors and let out a gasp.

Sirius started feeling up his sides, his arms and forearms and had the biggest grin on his face that looked quite odd on Lily's face in Remus' opinion. He kept looking down and up which was a little disturbing to Remus for some reason.

Sirius stepped back and looked at Remus as he let out a laugh in disbelief as he can't believe what he's about to say, "I, I've got a chicks body, bloody hell moony!"

Remus laughed too and just put a hand on his head cracking up right with him not even being able to think of a sly comeback.

"Shit mate, yeah pads oh my god you look and fucking sound like Lily."

"Oh yeah I do," Sirius stared at him with his classic Sirius black grin, although on a different body Remus could recognize that anywhere.

"Okay okay, will you stop objectifying Lily now," Remus tried to say that with an annoyed tone but he couldn't help the smile in his voice and Sirius could get drunk off of that tone of his voice.

"Oh yes sir prefect, yes I will."

Remus with a wide grin went to look at his watch and went wide eyed, "shit look at the time pads."

Sirius not worried about anything rolled his eyes, "oh but I think you mean Lily."

But then he did look at the time, and rushed out knowing he had to meet James in two minutes, he went to the dorms, quickly put on the girls uniform he had since Marlene lent him hers when he protested against the dress code.

He really did adore that skirt, he loved how it looked on his-, oh he had to run now if he's going to make it to James without being late. He loudly shout 'wish me luck' to Remus and ran past a confused looking Peter, who Remus was very excited to tell about this entire disaster of a situation.

*****

James was waiting patiently at the great hall with a rose in his hand, getting his hopes up every time someone would walk in, he didn't put too much effort into his outfit as he wasn't sure if Sirius would actually manage to get a date with the Lily Evans.

Before he could think of anything else, his heart stopped as he saw a out of breath and yet unmistakingly beautiful Lily Evans walk through the door and as she met his eyes, her magnificent green apple orbs meeting his own, he swooned a little as she rushed her way over.

"Oh my god p-James, I'm so sorry if you've been waiting here for long, I got caught up with Remus and it was this whole thing really."

James smiled fondly at her or well at him, at the rambling and just took her hand and sat her down.

"Oh it's fine really, but are you okay?" He looked all over her, his body rubbing her arms and kneeled down beside her.

"Oh god Lily! How hard did you hurt yourself?"

"What? Are you mad-"

James touched Lily, Sirius' forehead and gasped, "oh god, you've had a terrible fall!"

Sirius, ever confused rubbed his sides self consciously, "no, what? I mean I don't think-, what are you on about?"

Then Sirius got it all too late when he saw the sly smile on James' face, "I could've sworn you fell straight out of heaven," and without missing a beat James had his rose in front of Lily/Sirius and with a wink he added, "angel."

"Oh you twat, you calling me Satan?" Sirius was caught off guard by the pure flirting and knew he had to put himself together and with a small smile he cupped James' hand with the rose and with his other he cupped James' cheek, "or did you want to catch me?"

He watched as James simply tripped on pure air and fall in front of him, and Sirius trying to hold back a laugh raised an eyebrow and to this James brought himself up to his feet and replied, "I was not expecting that."

"What? Weren't expecting to get this far?"

"No. not really if I'm being honest."

"Well, that explains the blushing, your entire face is a cute red, and," Sirius decided to lean in a bit closer, "I bet the rest of you is as well."

Sirius had to stop himself from laughing but oh my god, he wanted to frame this moment. He, Sirius Orion Black has made James more flustered than he thought would even be possible.

"Quite the ladies man you are miss Evans, do you talk to all your dates like this or am I just this special."

"Oh Jamie, you don't know how special you are."

"Oh Evans, if I could rearrange the entire alphabet I would put U and I together."

Sirius let out an unattractive snort, "okay champ."

James let his arm out to reach, "shall we?"

"We shall."

Sirius looked over at James because he was taking deeper inhales then a normal person should and when he asked as to why the only response was, "oh you just took my breath away, if I need CPR I'll let you know."

"How about I steal it again Jamie."

Sirius smirked and James eyed him before shaking his head, "thats for later my love."

"Anything else you're saving for later?"

At this James simply winked at him obnoxiously but narrowed his eyes at him slightly which made Sirius all the more nervous.

"You sure are acting different Lily."

Sirius is now positive James knows that it's him.

"Don't worry handsome, I still think you're a twat."

James knows it's Sirius.

"Oh lovely, let's go to the common room so I can serenade you there." James needed to ask someone about what the hell is going on because he knows thats Sirius and not Lily, and he needs Sirius to tell him, but luck is on his side because Sirius doesn't know that he knows.

"Oh yes, lets. I would love nothing more than for you to serenade me with your beautiful singing voice."

As they walked to the common room arm in arm, Sirius was sweating the entirety there because christ James knows and he is positive that he knows.

"Oh um, James? I need to use the restroom really quickly, I'll be right back."

James waved her off saying have fun as he ran to Peter needing someone to talk to about this.

He hit Peters arm repeatedly as he was repeating his name as well, he was as frantic as ever and just about shook his arms as well, "peter what the fuck do I do mate?"

Peter looked at him questioningly, "what do you need to do?"

James blurted out, "I'm on a date with padfoot!"

"Oh, well I support you mate, terrible choice in men but I'm glad you've moved on from Evans!"

This time James hit Peters arm again but much more harder than before, "no! I'm on a date with Lily but it's not Lily, it's pads but he doesn't know that I know."

"Oh. Because he said he'd get you a date with her?"

"YES!"

"Oh and he took some.. oh I see now. Well shit mate, you're in quite a pickle now."

"Yeah no shit wormtail."

"Well, work with that; he doesn't know that you know so flirt with him make him uncomfortable and then he'll have to confess."

"Easier said than done mate, but.. thats not a bad idea."

"He has no idea so it couldn't possibly go wrong."

"Oh yeah on a date with my best friend pretending to be the love of my life and I have to be romantic with him in order for him to tell me he's not the love of my life, what could ever possibly go wrong!"

Peter stood up, "just here-- let me do this," he unopened the first few buttons to James' shirt and ruffled up his more so then usual, "that should help."

James looked down and simply shrugged and went back to the common room where Lily-- no Sirius, looked frazzled but with intent on his face.

Although, when Sirius ran to the restroom previously James has no idea he grabbed Remus hand and dragged him there with his face looking pale and wide eyed.

"Okay what now," Remus asked with an exasperated sigh.

"I was not prepared for these terrible conditions I've put myself in."

Remus smiled widely, quite mockingly Sirius would like to add, and clasped his hands together, "oh goody. Now what made you have this absolutely absurd observation that I totally did not see forthcoming?"

"I didn't know he was going to flirt with me!"

"On a date? With the girl of his dreams? Oh how dare he flirt, oh gosh. Wow."

"Shut up okay? I need you to shut the fuck up."

"Wait so, what did you do?"

"Flirted back obviously! It's my instinct from when we compliment each others asses, how could I not? But it's more sincere, and just straight up fucking weird."

"Oh, I see the problem, prongs knows."

"Do you know how hard it is for me not to call him prongs! I haven't called him his actual name this many times since the day we first met-- and that was simply out of spite to annoy him."

"Oh what a lovely child you were."

"I'm lovely now too."

"Oh, of course you are Lily."

"I don't want to confess to him that I couldn't get Lily though, I can't give up moonshine."

"But he knows."

"Yeah but, I don't want to lose."

Remus wanted to facepalm, of fucking course Sirius turned this into something it's not, making sure he doesn't face the true error of his ways and instead turning this into something he can fuck around with.

Nothing to unpack there. Nope, not at all.

"Okay fine, so what? You're just going to go on with the date? Pretend nothing is going on and you'll just flirt back?"

"Well yeah, I just need to get through this date before he calls it off and then I'll keep my end of the deal."

"You really are in a fucking mess."

"As per usual."

"Well, you have luck on your side I guess, because he knows that you're not Lily and you know that he knows. However, he doesn't know that you know that he knows."

Sirius turned his head to the side in confusion and Remus wanted to kiss him so badly so he flicked him on the forehead instead.

"He doesn't know what you know, you have the upper hand you imbecile."

"So what?"

"You two are best mates, he doesn't want to romantically be with you, so do what you do best and make people uncomfortable."

"I can do that."

"I know you can."

"Oh, I know you do," at this Sirius winked at Remus.

"Perfect example mutt."

With Sirius flipping him off, he untied his hair and let it roam around as he walked back or more so strutted back knowing his mission at hand.

Which lead him to this moment of Sirius slightly frazzled not knowing how to accomplish his mission at hand but at least having a mission at hand. James then slipped himself right beside Sirius and putting an arm around his shoulder, "you look magnificent Evans."

"You're not too bad yourself."

"No but, you're almost too good to be true, almost as if someones playing a trick on me and it's not really you."

Sirius stared back, his face going white and his eyes going wide and he had no idea how to reply. He knew James knew but he didn't know he was going to make comments like that, it caught him off guard he ran a hand through his hair.

"Well you know I'm completely real and I can assure you if someone was playing a trick on you it would only be from the pure goodness from their heart."

James narrowed his eyes and gulped, "well if it was from the goodness of their heart, they should know it's not a very well thought out trick, sweetheart."

"I think it would be very well thought out, having tricked you to believe it really is Li- me, deer." James knew from the little sneer on Sirius' or well Lily's pale face that he was not calling him a term of endearment but calling him his animagus which James did do a double take and looking back at Sirius he knew the reaction was exactly what he wanted.

James grabbed his shoulder and stood up with mischief in his eyes which for once Sirius slightly feared, "hey someone's playing some music in the corner, let's dance Evans."

Sirius stared back but kept his composure normal, "dance?"

"Well we are on a date after all."

James let out his hand and Sirius took it gracefully, not ready to slow dance with James at all, "oh such a gentlemen."

"My pleasure milady."

Sirius inhaled and let James bring him to a corner of the common room that was unoccupied and allowed himself to put his arms around James shoulders. He was silently cursing out Lily in his head for being so fucking short. All the while James was sweating because he didn't know how to fucking dance and he knew Sirius knew.

"Need a hand, deer?"

"No."

Sirius grinned and looked at the taller lad, "put your hand on my sides you nitwit and just sway."

James closed his eyes and let out a small smile as he let his hands a little lower than what was probably appropriate for two laddy lads doing lad things.

"James Fleamont Potter, I swear to fucking god you put your hands higher or I'll winguardiam leviosa your ass so hard you'll end up on the fucking moon."

"I mean I do love you to the moon and back."

"So are those your last words then?"

James only smiled wider when he put his hands on his sides much higher than it was before.

"You sure know how to dance."

"Well I've had classes and it sure does come in handy when I get to teach pretty boys like yourself Mr. Potter."

"You think I'm pretty?" James smirked a bit.

"The prettiest."

James took his hand off of Sirius' side to flick his hand as he gasped dramatically, "oh, you flatter me."

"Oh when I'm done with you, you'll be better than flattered," Sirius let out a flirty smile hoping to the lords above that James would give up right now and tell him he knows.

"So naughty."

Sirius took an inhale as he gulped knowing where their dancing would lead to on a normal date.

James thought the same thing and almost at the same time they both had an idea where they knew the other would confess, not knowing they both had the same idea.

James gulped as he spoke, "you know this is where, we would usually get to the uh, kissing part."

Sirius froze up hoping he could have brought it up first, "oh I would love to Jamie."

Sirius would not love to kiss him, considering this would be his first kiss.

"Then we should, yes."

James desperately knew they should not. No.

James knew Sirius would give in, because he knew Sirius knew. And Sirius doesn't know he knows that he knows that he knows.

Right?

James could go through with this until Sirius gives up, he could do this, can't he?

Sirius on the other hand knew James would never go through with this, he had this in the bag, he knew James is doing this just to have Sirius give in. He knew James and he knew he would not go through kissing him, he won't chicken out and if it takes him to almost kiss his best mate he would do it.

Sirius black will never lose.

Sirius gulped, "okay let's kiss then?"

James shifted uncomfortably on his feet and licked his lips having his eyed intent on Sirius, begging him to confess first.

"I'm ready mon amour."

Sirius responded dryly, "planning on french kissing me with that terrible accent?"

"You speak french Lily?" James quipped back and seeing that alarmed look on Sirius' face and although those facial features were Lily's the panic was pure Sirius and he inhaled it.

"Er, no but, I'm not an idiot."

James thought that was the most in character thing Sirius has said this entire afternoon.

"Alright, we-- yeah let's do this dream girl."

Sirius closed his eyes and puckered his lip slowly moving forward, to give James time to fucking confess, and to be fair Sirius was getting quite impatient.

James was not giving in, he also leaned forward as slowly as possible closing his eyes tight, hoping and praying for Sirius to give in.

They were leaning forward, lips almost moving off of their faces as Sirius grabbed James shoulders peeking an eye open and saw James doing nothing that looked like confessing.

They wouldn't kiss, they couldn't, Sirius knew James would give in.

Except he didn't.

Sirius' first kiss was James Potter.

James' first kiss was Sirius Black.

Their lips touched and were firmly pressed on each other not one moving to further the kiss, it lasted an entirety of two whole seconds before there was a loud, "fine, you win!"

"I'm not Lily you twat, you mother fucker, you absolute bastard."

James was still puckering his lips when he opened his eyes and finally fucking smiled.

Instead of a response he clapped, "congratulations Sirius Orion Black, you were my first kiss."

"You stole mine you twat!"

"What?! You were the one who leaned in first!"

"You were the one who said we should, when you knew! I thought you'd give in!"

"Well thank you for confessing your sin pads."

Then they heard clapping and both Sirius and James turned around to find Peter and Remus clapping and James raised his eyebrows, "great show you both, truly. Glad you both finally had your first kiss."

Sirius at this bowed to both at them, "and yet no girlfriend."

James plopped himself next to Remus and laid his head down in his lap after the truly traumatic experience that was his first date. Although Remus paid no attention to him and kept his eyes on Sirius.

"Just a girlfriend?"

Sirius exhaled with a shaky breath, "or a boyfriend."

"Good to know," Remus smirked.

Oh Sirius was really doomed.