#in the reptile room

[potter-inthe-tardis]

A hear me out, unironic bop!

I'm rewatching the series of unfortunate events show, and I remembered this song from my childhood, so I had to go look it up, and yes it's still a bop!

[tj-crochets]

Throwback to the first quilt I made for myself! Now, years later and having made a lot more quilts, there are some things I’d change but I still love it

[free-my-boy-grumbot]

“omgggggg trans ppl are so wierd literally nobody has heard of ur 5 million genders” don’t care + didn’t ask + grow up + life is a conundrum of esoterica

[ven10]

AU where the incredibly deadly viper is one of these bad boyz

[fanotastic]

Obsessed with this picture of Vos

[flawless-imperfections]

Disappeared skittish, returned confident, tame and sociable - make it make sense😂

[that-one-enby-kid]

This was always my favorite scene in the 2004 film

[omg-snakes]

I need some snames (snake names) for a couplea' holdbacks.

Also I am so so so tired, and my brain is not good.

[lilachour]

oh hey! 🪲🦎

[cthulhusstepmom]

"Simon, come in."

Ghost isn't quite sure why Price had called him to his office. He's been downright docile this past while. Between his new bond with Hugo, his deepening relationship with Soap, and a mild injury to his shoulder, he's been spending most of his time parked on base whittling away the hours before the next mission.

He takes a seat in one of the Captain's mismatched chairs. Price takes a long drag of his cigar and Ghost tilts his chin, responding in kind.

"There's no easy way to say this son..." He pauses as if he's weighing his words. "I'm glad that you and Soap are getting close. And I support it I do this isn't about that."

He'd be a hypocrite if it was, Ghost thinks, and Nikolai would be inconsolable.

"Guess It's best to just to come out and say it..." Simon tilts his head in question.

"You can't buy sex toys on the company card."

If he'd been drinking anything it would be splattered up the inside of his mask.

"Fucking what??"

"I can see the receipts son and so can the MPO." His Captain's lips are pulled back in an uncomfortable grimace.

"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about cap." He leans back in his chair, arms crossed defiantly. All that shit was on his personal card.

"I'm not judging you or your decisions Simon I just can't justify it as a business expense."

"Can I at least see the receipt? Bit unfair not to show a man what he's accused of innit?"

Solemnly, Price shuffles through a stack of papers on his desk; holding out the printed off the email notification from the military post office when he finds it.

Simon takes the page with no small incredulity, scanning it over with a careful eye.

"Fuck my Pink Princess is here? That was a bitch to get through customs."

If possible, Price's face screws up more.

"I don't want details Simon, just your word that it won't happen again."

"Price it's a Philodendron."

"I'm shocked and appalled that you think I'd know what that is."

Ignoring the complaints of his scandalized Captain, Simon reaches for the small box on the desk, producing a knife to carefully slit the tape. All the while ignoring the increasingly vocal complaints coming from the other side of the desk.

"I don't want to see it son, it's none of my business what you get up to behind closed doors just- the fuck is that?"

"A Pink Princess Philodendron." Simon mutters as he examines the carefully packaged plant.

"...Simon thats a plant."

He grunts.

"Simon that was 150 quid."

He grunts again.

"Simon you used the company card for a £150 pink plant."

"Plus shipping."

"For fucking why??"

"It matches Hugo's coloring."

...

"Get out of my office."

[coridallasmultipass]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTEST WIDDLE SNAKEY WAKEY.

I can't believe my son is 18!! I estimated a birth date for him to be about a month before I got him in fall of 2006, since he was such a widdle month-old baby sneky. I always try to get a good birthday pic of him - especially after he eats and gets the good yawns in.

Pretty soon, he'll be off to snake college, for snakes. Dunno how we're gonna afford those ssssnudent loans.

Image description below the cut:

First photo is an albino corn snake (species name: Pantherophis guttatus) peeking out from behind a fake flower on a rocky hide (a house inside the tank where reptiles can feel secure and hidden). The snake is flicking his tongue out. Only his head is visible in the photo. Caption on the photo reads: Demo's 18th birthday. August 9, 2024.

Next photo is the same snake, but in a clear, close-up, detail photo. Each scale is clearly defined. He has red eyes and pink cheeks, and pale white patterns on an off-white body. The scales on his head are shaped to follow the different planes of his face. The scales on his neck (and body, not shown) are uniform and scallop-shaped.

The next three photos are sequential. The same snake appears with his mouth barely open. Then, his mouth is wide open in a yawn. His cheeks look so smooshy. His head is shaped the way a snap hairclip opens, curved upwards, and it's funny and cute. His mouth has ridges inside, but no teeth or fangs are visible (because his teeth are too tiny to be photographed politely, and he does not have any fangs). The last photo in the sequence has the snake with his mouth still open, but the top of his head is a normal shape again as he begins to end the yawn.

[barksbog]

thinking about chameleons again

they are so beautiful and stupid and fragile it makes me shake i can't handle it

[archerygun]

Dr. Monty Montgomery from the Netflix tv show is straight up one of the best examples of Doomed By The Narrative I’ve ever seen and I need to ramble about it for a bit because therapy will not cover the emotional damage The Reptile Room: Part One did me as a child.

For one, this version of Monty is arguably the most competent even if he is still flawed. His biggest mistake comes from the misunderstanding about Count Olaf’s identity, and rather than that be a result of him not listening to the children, it seems to be more of a general misunderstanding? He knows ‘Stephano’ is bad news. The kids think he’s figured out who ‘Stephano’ is and has it under control. He hasn’t. Oh dear.

You’re told from the start that Monty is going to die. He’s screwed. So watching the episode, you begin to almost get the feeling that he knows that too. Like he knows he’s only got that episode’s runtime but maybe, just maybe, it will be enough.

He clings to life so furiously, the narrative has doomed him but he is kicking and fighting the whole way. He jumps out of the back of the van where he was supposed to die almost like he’s saying “I can do it. I won’t let you take me. I won’t die today. Just give me today, please.”

He jumped all the hurdles and then fell before the finish line. He pulled all the right strings, he outwitted the twins, he had the right people on his side.

He was almost perfect. And that ‘almost’ was what killed him.

It feels like he’s looking up at the writer and begging “Not tonight. Let me have tonight. I can do everything I need to do. Just give me tonight.”

Monty Montgomery is locked in a battle of wits not just with Olaf and his goons but with the story itself. His tenacity is what MAKES the tragedy, many good people die in this series but Monty Montgomery just HITS you. The optimistic lull ends with his death, so it has to be one of the most emotionally impactful. But GOD.

The almost time-loop vibes of Lemony Snicket mentioning how the Baudelaires replay that day again and again in their minds even in their later lives thinking about all the ways they could have saved him - and all the ways they couldn’t. Like it’s just a fact that in every timeline, Monty Montgomery dies that day. There was nothing he could do. And still he did everything.

The Reptile Room: Part One gives me too many feelings. I left the room five minutes from the end when my sister and cousin were rewatching it because his death just DOES that shit to you.

Thank you for your time I am in agony. Have a nice day.

[hotvampireadjacent]

A fun snake behavior is when they periscope like this to get a good look at something

[brokenbutunbowed]

Today after work I decided it was a good day to clean snake enclosures and decided to try to handle everyone too (which truth be told, I don't do as often as I would like).

In order (hopefully):

1 - Unnamed, new O. p. coxi male. I didn't hold him because he's brand new here, just checked in on him

2 - Bessie, snow Kenyan sand boa female. Starting to doubt the breeder about female, because she's only grown wider and not longer in ages (I'll recheck eventually). She's nippy in her house but such a sweet potato in hand.

3 - Butterball, butter berry corn snake female. She's an absolute glutton, hence her name lmao, but she's so so easy to handle she might be one of my favorites.

4 - Unnamed, Japanese blue ratsnake yearling female. I had her out, but she was trying so hard to climb up the hook and up my arms I couldn't get any photos while I was doing so, so ugly hatchling house photo instead.

5 - Cinnabar, Baird's ratsnake yearling female. One of my dream snakes and I'm so excited to continue watching her grow. Her color is already amazing in person compared to when I picked her up.

6 - Unnamed, banana champagne cinnamon ball python male. I didn't know champagne caused neurological issues like spider does when I bought him, but he has never had any obvious issue. He's so so different from the rest of the group it's almost odd picking him up (he's like a brick!). Absolute innocent angel baby.

7 - Unnamed ridleyi female yearling. She's usually endlessly snappy but after 7 or 8 tries she gave up trying to eat me. I still didn't handle her with my hands, though, as I didn't wanna push her too much.

8 - Barbara, Kenyan sand boa female. The gentlest, most floppy potato 💕 no words, she's perfect.

9 - Seviper, Mexican black kingsnake male. Honestly, I haven't held him in a hot minute because he was extremely musky and snappy when he was younger. He was, suddenly, incredibly easy to hold today. I thought he'd try and get me for sure, and he's my largest snake right now, but he just wanted to climb all over me! 💕

I need a better setup for photos. The reptile room is a disaster right now and the morning intense hazy sunlight did weird things to their colors. I truly don't know how breeders get such good photos all the time 🤣

[unfortunatetheorist]

Is Jacquelyn at fault in the Netflix series? (NCT)

Jacquelyn Scieszka is one of the most notable differences between Book- and Netflix-Canon. Her character is often portrayed alongside Larry Your-Waiter, with the pair acting as 'noble', working against Olaf and his accomplices, throughout the series.

However, there is one point I have picked up on to argue that Jacquelyn caused the heinous events of The Wide Window to occur: Jacquelyn chased Olaf onto the SS Prospero, and this was, arguably, one of the greatest mistakes made in this show.

Of course, as viewers, we understand her intentions:

Bring Olaf to justice, as nothing can happen once he's in Peru (even he knows that!)

Bring back Klaus' half of the Baudelaire spyglass

But this act made Olaf jump into the water below, where he would've made it back to shore, to meet with his troupe, before taking a boat out onto Lake Lachrymose, where The Wide Window's events begin.

If Jacquelyn did NOT get onto the SS Prospero, this would've happened:

Olaf sails away to Peru on the SS Prospero, to (in his words) "wait for the manhunt to die down, eat some cuy"

The Baudelaires go to live with their Aunt Josephine

Poe gets his promotion (probably)

Manhunts take YEARS to die down; Osama Bin Laden's - for example - took 10-15 years, before the US Navy tracked him down to a compound in North-West Pakistan.

So, here's the real genius of this part: by the time Olaf returns because the manhunt has died down, the Baudelaires already have access to their fortune!

As the phrase goes,

"It [was] a wicked thing to do, for a noble reason."

Did she have a choice?

¬ Th3r3534rch1ngr4ph, Unfortunate Theorist/Snicketologist