#in this house we love cool dude sherlock

[booty-uprooter]

moriarty the patriot has one of the best modern sherlocks because even though he's still definitely impressed with himself, hes not a fucking asshole about it

[mariana-oconnor]

The Abbey Grange pt 3

I'm fairly confident I've pieced this one together correctly. I'm a little annoyed that it appears that Lady Brackenhall didn't do it herself, but I suppose I'll allow it. I feel confident that she could have done it herself, though, had the narrative allowed her to.

...our door was opened to admit as fine a specimen of manhood as ever passed through it. He was a very tall young man, golden-moustached, blue-eyed, with a skin which had been burned by tropical suns, and a springy step which showed that the huge frame was as active as it was strong.

I stg, every time Watson describes someone in this story he gets hornier. 'As fine a specimen of manhood as ever passed through it.' Put your tongue back in your mouth.

He's looking respectfully.

I've always thought that how horny literally every version of Watson seems to be was just exaggerated, but no. Reading/rereading these as an adult shows me that Watson is exactly that horny on main.

And by 'on main' I mean 'in a widely distributed publication'.

"I know so much already that if you go one inch off the straight I'll blow this police whistle from my window and the affair goes out of my hands for ever.” The sailor thought for a little. Then he struck his leg with his great, sun-burned hand. “I'll chance it,” he cried. “I believe you are a man of your word, and a white man, and I'll tell you the whole story."

First, the captain's kinda racist, I guess.

Second, this is an exact template of what not to do when being interviewed regarding a crime you have committed. Never believe that they know everything. Never agree to tell them anything. Say nothing.

Captain Croker is kind of an idiot.

But then, given the racism, we already knew that.

"So far as I am concerned I regret nothing and I fear nothing, and I would do it all again and be proud of the job."

This is also exactly what you should not say in this situation. He's just determined to be a waking talking exemplar of what not to do, I guess. And he's doing a great job of it.

"...many a time since have I kneeled down in the darkness of the night watch and kissed the deck of that ship because I knew her dear feet had trod it."

That seems unsanitary. Sir, please desist.

Is this why they transferred you to another ship? So people would stop coming across you licking the deck? People walk on that. Sir. Sir, please.

This is yet another example of things you shouldn't do. Just in case you were wondering.

If you want to kiss her feet and you're both into that, go for it. But don't just, like... kiss the dirty deck of a ship where hundreds of people have walked because she walked there. Not only is it unhygienic, it's kind of stalkery.

Yeah.... no.

This guy is giving unhinged vibes.

"One day out in a country lane I met Theresa Wright, her old maid. She told me about her, about him, about everything."

Theresa 100% knew what she was doing here. There is no way she looked at this guy literally kissing the ground Mary walked on and didn't realise that he would be down to murder. Theresa wins the prize here. Excellently executed. Get the dumb stalker to kill the abusive husband. A+ work. She deserves a raise.

"This drunken hound, that he should dare to raise his hand to her whose boots he was not worthy to lick!"

Was not expecting to tick off 'foot fetish' on my Sherlock Holmes bingo card, but there we go.

"Theresa was always my friend, for she loved Mary and hated this villain almost as much as I did. From her I learned the ways of the house."

My dude, my dude. Theresa fucking played you.

"At first she would not open to me, but in her heart I know that now she loves me, and she could not leave me in the frosty night."

That's a really quick turn around from 'it was only friendship for her and I was happy with it' to 'I know she loves me now'.

"Theresa was as cool as ice, and it was her plot as much as mine."

It was all her plan. I bet she made sure the husband was awake at the right time.

"...since she was trying hard to shield him and so showing that she loved him."

Really? Was she though?

"See here, Captain Croker, we'll do this in due form of law. You are the prisoner. Watson, you are a British jury, and I never met a man who was more eminently fitted to represent one."

I guess Watson has enough horniness in him for 12 people.

I mean, I don't have a problem with the guy being allowed to go free, the victim literally burned a puppy alive. Also, I'm pretty sure he was manipulated into being there at the right time. Because there's no way a maid who has been frequently mentioned to be really good at her job, just blurts out her mistress's private business to a guy they met on a boat in the middle of the road. She knew what she was doing. And the husband just happened to come along?

"Come back to this lady in a year, and may her future and yours justify us in the judgment which we have pronounced this night.”

I note that this is as much of a 'happily ever after' as we get for this story. I choose to believe Mary had already moved on in a year and had given up the pretence of being in love with him.

But I am cynical, as we have previously discussed.

[winderlylandchime]

We are on 3x06! 1/2 ‘HE IT PUTTING THE DRUGS IN THE TUSHY AGAIN!’ ‘Wait why are cops outside the clu- EW EW EW EW EW EW EW WHY WOULD THEY SHOW ME ETHAN AND JUSTIN IN THE TUB?!’ He put his hands over his face and fake gagged, now he knows how i feel. ‘I know another cool game you could play Justin, it’s called GO BACK TO BRIAN! Please tell me this concert is the thing that takes him OUT OF MY LIFE. Oh god *pauses tv fast* what if he stays around for another season?! I CANT DO THAT. He wishes Justin could be there? Why cant- oh right he’s straight now..A RING?! HE GOT HIM A RING?! Justin wipe that look off your face, Brian got you school tuition’ ‘what the fuck Brian? HES WORKING WITH A COP? Why are we getting so political? Ha brian hates it! Just like i do! Call him a twat and move on, HES ACTUALLY GOING TO WORK WORK WITH HIM?’ He paused the tv and went out to smoke. He is clearly feeling a certain way about Stockwell/Brian. ‘MY ASS he built model airplanes as a kid. (Stockwell says he doesn’t mind the truth even if Brian uses it as an assault weapon)…oh damn that’s actually kinda good description of him at times but i don’t wanna agree with a cop so fuck you. DUDE STOP HELPING HIM WIN VOTES! WHAT THE FUCK? I get he loves money and power and its his job or whatever but this is just ew. There’s no way he’d help him, i mean he hates *points to himself* heteros’ ‘AH ITS BRI AND JUSTIN!! no he saw the ring, BRIAN I SWEAR IT MEANS NOTHING! HE KNOWS ROMANCE, he just struggles with it.‘ ‘fuck even Bens intervention is boring. MIKE DONT FALL FOR THIS BULLSHIT.’ ‘BRIAN CMON WHY ARE YOU HELPING A COP? I mean i know we all have our flaws but i thought we agreed his was dancing?! (Brian tells the camera guy to keep filming stockwell bc abs) ha! His whole work strategy is “make it gay” respect. (Stockwell looks back at Brian after he calls him tom cruise) Is he gay? He gives of a *does the gay wrist bent thing* certain vibe’ Justin and Daphne show up during the interview ‘COUSIN?! GIRLFRIEND?! COUSIN?…Daphne hate him even more now, please. YES DAPHNE, BRIAN NEVER DID THAT! YES HE DID HAVE HIS ENTIRE FUTURE CAREER AT- ARE YOU DUMB?! DID WE FORGET PARTNER, VERMONT?! Go Daphne!! HE ALMOST DIED!!! YES DALHNE HATE HIM! BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN!’ ‘AH JEN! MY GIRL JEN! She’s so pretty, why cant i get more of Jen? (ted and ems neighbor describes the neighborhood) fuck, I wish Brian was here, he would actually vomit at the idea of living in a place like this.’ ‘Okay who cares about Ben, give me Brian!’ Literally a second later stockwells ad shows ‘OH COME ON! I cant have a god damn thing going for me on this show! HE IS LITERALLY DESCRIBING BRIAN! THIS MAN WOULD HAVE A HEART ATTACK IF HE KNEW THE REAL BRIAN! BRIAN CANT YOU SEE THIS BULLSHIT, oh please turn him into a joke Bri! bullshit! How can he not see that he is literally against what and who Brian is’ the scene where Ben pushes Brian is about to happen! ‘Oh Benny Ben, you got caught! Wait why did his dad say 3 times 7? He made him do math? What an ass. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?! HE JUST PUSHED HIM! AND CALLED HIM A WHORE AND IS ANGRY THAT HE ISNT POSITIVE?! DUDE FUCK YOU! DONT SLUT SHAME! We’re all just vibin *does that surfer/thumb-pinky finger symbol with his hand* and you are ruining the vibes! WHY WOULD THEY IMMEDIATELY AFTER SHOW ME ETHAN BLOWING JUSTIN?! SO I GOTTA SEE BRI GET HURT PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY? *mocks Ethan in a childish voice* it was the interview. Well congratulations sherlock! You sure are one step away from being the new cop in town (justin asks if from now on itll be lies and immediately pauses tv)WELL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! I thought that was some shit only Brian could do, oh wait no. Bri AWAYS TELLS IT HOW IT IS! please go on a world tour, i will literally buy all the tickets just for you to go. HE HAD AN AMAZING LIFE WITH BRIAN! He is so jealous of Brian, its sad. I swear he competes with him every second of his day. I get Justin needed a new boyfriend or whatever for some reason that im sure is *waves his hands* somewhere BUT DID IT HAVE TO BE ETHAN?’

Justin wipe that look off your face, Brian got you school tuition IS SUCH A MOOD. Tuition >>>> cheap tacky ring

I am living for his reaction to Stockwell. He's so right.

Even Ben's intervention is boring - LOL

His reaction to Daphne is everything. We love Daph.

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?! HE JUST PUSHED HIM! AND CALLED HIM A WHORE AND IS ANGRY THAT HE ISNT POSITIVE?! DUDE FUCK YOU! DONT SLUT SHAME! I couldn't have said it better myself. I have probably screamed the exact same things at my screen.

Did it have to be Ethan - YES! this exactly. They were cruising for a break up, fine, I get it, story arc etc. But Ethan is so unbelievable. Also your brother screaming about how Brian always told the truth. I am dyinnnngggg about it.

[reidsaurora]

"The Butterfly and the Flower" ~ S. Reid

pictures not an actual depiction of reader; Spencer Reid icon by @catsadams

Summary: This is the story of how Y/N, a social butterfly, fell in love with Spencer Reid, a wallflower.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 1,241

Content Warning: mentions of partying, mentions of alcohol

Genre: Fluff. pure, sweet, romantic Fluff ❤️

Extra Notes: ik the summary is crappy, i suck at summaries 😭✋🏻

Based On the One-Liner: "I still can't believe you saw me when I was just a wallflower."

Originally Written: 07/24/2022

Criminal Minds masterlist can be found here!

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"'𝐇𝐞'𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐭. 𝐇𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡,' 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝. 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞. 𝐎𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐰, 𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐡𝐮𝐭𝐬 𝐮𝐩." - 𝐒𝐮𝐬𝐚𝐧 𝐂𝐚𝐢𝐧

"Please forgive me. I am not a speech person," Spencer chuckled through the microphone.

I laughed along with the guests, though I felt butterflies go off in my stomach as I awaited his vows.

"I never knew that I could be rendered speechless by someone's beauty," he started, and I was already a crying mess. "You know, you hear about that stuff in movies and songs. For me, it was all those old poems my mom used to read me when I was growing up. I never thought I'd find the person who rendered me speechless. And then, a very dear friend of mine invited me to a house party she was throwing."

Penelope giggled through her own tears, raising her hand. "That's me," she mouthed silently.

"And it was at that house party, that I laid eyes on her," he motioned to me, which only made me cry that much harder. "Now, as everyone here knows, I am not a big fan of small talk. I can't start small talk, I can't carry on small talk."

He turned to face me with a grin plastered straight across his face, and I already knew where he was heading with this.

"But Y/N here had other plans. In fact, I was so blindsided by her plans that I ran away and hid in Penelope's bathroom."

The crowd roared with laughter as we all imagined the scene. It was almost like that night came in a flashback to me—Spencer, leaning up against the wall in Penelope's living room, reading who knows what. A wallflower.

He must've read my mind, seeing as the next thing he said was, "I still can't believe you saw me when I was just a wallflower. You know, the first time it happened, I thought it was a coincidence. But then it happened again. Almost exactly a month later, actually."

I thought back to that night too—leaning against the wall again, reading a much heftier book than he had been the first time I saw him, clearly looking for a way to ignore the real world.

"Hey, wallflower," I smiled, breaking his attention from his novel, "I thought for sure I'd scared you away last time."

He just stared back at me, wide-eyed and almost scared. He muttered some form of words that signaled a feeling of nervousness as he tried to convey he wasn't the small talk type.

"What are you reading?" I asked, pointing to the book in his hands.

"Wh- h- huh?" he stuttered, seeming confused as to why I was talking to him.

"Don't tell me I gave you whiplash or something," I giggled. "Seriously, whatcha reading?"

"Uh… A Study in Scarlet…" he paused to lick his lips. "Why do you ask?"

"You seemed like a cool dude. Or, at least cooler than that guy over there shotgunning beers," I laughed.

He looked over to the guy, letting out a small chuckle. "So," he changed the subject, holding up his book, "Do you like Sherlock Holmes?"

I found myself blushing as I explained, "If I'm being honest, I don't know a thing about Sherlock Holmes."

An awkward silence came over the air as I attempted to find something else to say to him. I racked my brain for topics, compliments—anything.

As he began to open his book back up, I stopped him. "But I do know something about you."

"What's that?"

"I think you're really sweet and cute."

Spencer chuckled as he began to speak again. "You know how some people have meet-cutes?" he asked, earning some form an understanding response from the crowd, "I like to think we had a meet-awkward: two awkward souls destined to be awkward together for, awkwardly enough, forever."

No words could describe the feeling I had for Spencer, especially in that moment. Love felt too weak, adoration seemed like a lousy word, and devotion was simply inadequate.

"I only have a few, short vows—really only one general vow," Spencer explained, "I vow to always be your wallflower. I promise to never change—for your sake, for my sake, for our future children's sake—unless it is for the better."

I knew he meant it, every single word of it. From the very first conversation that Spencer and I held, I knew he'd never change—and something about that brought a sense of comfort I'd never felt before.

"Secondly, I vow to always love you for who you are—my social butterfly," he grinned. "Lastly, I vow to always communicate, even if I was pretty lousy at that when we first met."

I giggled through tears as the crowd let out one, big, collective laugh.

"And now, for the rings," the officiant, also known as David Rossi instructed.

I nearly started to sob all over again as I watched Michael make his way down the aisle (with the help of big brother Henry).

"Here you go, Uncle Spencer," Michael smiled up at Spencer.

Spencer thanked him with a quiet chuckle as he took the ring from him, before turning his attention back to me.

"Here you go," Michael turned to smile at me this time.

"Thank you," I grinned back, looking over the ring in my hand as the two boys walked away.

Rossi gave Spencer and I a small smile before asking, "Have you prepared anything to say for the ring exchange?"

Spencer nodded with a toothy grin of his own. "I give you, Y/N Y/L/N, this ring as a sign of my love. I am honored to be called your husband—your wallflower—from this moment forward until forever."

The only word that seemed to accurately describe what I felt when Spencer slid that wedding band onto my finger was pure, raw, unadulterated bliss. With that ring now on my finger, I felt whole—I felt complete.

I swallowed back my tears as I lifted the ring to Spencer's hand. "I give you, Spencer Reid, this ring as a sign of my love. I am honored to be called your wife—your social butterfly—from this moment forward until forever."

For the first time that day, I witnessed the tears welling in Spencer's eyes finally spill over. His hand shook nervously as I placed the ring on his finger.

Rossi looked between the two of us again, this time with a look of adoration, before he began speaking again. "Spencer, do you take Y/N as your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do," he answered through tears.

"Y/N, do you take Spencer as your lawfully wedded husband?"

I beamed from ear-to-ear as I answered, "I do."

"Then, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Spencer Reid," Rossi grinned, a tear sliding down his own cheek at that point. "I can't believe I am about to say this but, wallflower, you may kiss your butterfly."

Out of all the kisses I shared with Spencer, that was my favorite. I'd found myself speechless many times that day, and even then, I couldn't find words to accurately describe the love, the sentiment, and the pure romance that was shared between our lips when we kissed. The taste of lips against lips, the sound of our loved ones cheering us on, the feeling of our hearts beating in sync—it was easily one of my favorite moments from that whole day.

And it all happened because the butterfly couldn't stay away from the flower.

"𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲." - 𝐍𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐬 𝐒𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐬

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Welcome one and all to my entry for @reidsbookclub's one year celebration!

I can't lie. My writer's block got the best of me. I tried multiple prompts and... nothing. I even tried something else with this prompt before, and the only thing I can say is that God was on my side, I finally came up with this idea and I am so so so happy with how it turned out. I find myself saying this a lot, but I feel like this is the definition of "good things come to those who wait."

Anyway, sappy part over, but yeah, I hope you guys enjoyed this imagine!

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[59writes]

SEVENTEEN- REACTION: THEIR S/O GETS INJURED (PART 2)

(PART ONE)

part two of @honeyylin ‘s request!!! sorry it took so long honey ㅠㅠ

also check out honey’s acc!!! they’ve recently started writing fic so give em a visit!! <3

today’s photo theme is green green green green green green green green green green

(I didn’t proofread this I will when it’s not 5 am lol)

tw: food, injury

SEOKMIN

• *insert terrified screaming*

• yikes. this man. this poor fellow.

• he’s so worried about you!!!

• like. you’re fine. it’s not a big deal you just won’t be able to walk without crutches for a while

• but this man PHYSICALLY refuses to go to work

• Jihoon even comes to your apartment to beat Seokmin’s ass gently request he come to work cuz they kind of need him

• but no, because “y/n needs me more!!”

• please you’re fine. you can walk and you work from home already. you’ll live. You’ve been injured before.

• this goes in one ear and out the other!

• he will stay home and baby you and peek in your room every ten minutes like “hey are you ok???? do you need anything???”

• it’s kind of endearing

• the calls you keep getting from Seungcheol and Jihoon are not though because SOMEONE keeps forgetting to “call in sick” to work!!

• it’s just part of the whole shebang. he calms down eventually and gets over the anxiety of you getting even more hurt or struggling and goes back to the others

• but you bet your ass when he comes home at night you’re not going anywhere and he’s gonna baby you until he deems you all better

• also he definitely just likes babying you because he doesn’t declare you better until a week after the doctor does, “just to be safe!!!”

• he loves you very much and if anything we’re to happen to the love of his life he’d like. Evaporate on the spot

• 10/10 man right here

MINGYU

• ok so we know how clumsy this man is

• he technically knows how to take care of injuries

• also the injury was sort of maybe his fault ):

• he tripped over a damn rock and made you stumble too, falling and scraping up your leg

• and this poor man is apologizing faster than he raps

• you’re not badly hurt, and when the pain wears off you’re laughing

• and Mingyu’s all pouty lol

• and though you assure him that you’re ok and everyone trips up sometimes, he just wants to make it up to you

• he is also one of the other mfs who would make soup. him and Josh r gonna open a soup kitchen s2g

• but he’s also super cheesy and you wake up from a nap and see that Mingyu’s gone out and gotten flowers and made some nice food and made a little mini date in ur apartment

• and he just feels so bad !!!! please help this man

• once you joke that maybe you should get injured more often so you guys have more dates like this he finally really calms down

• but like I said, he’d know how to treat any injury

• maybe not well, and I’m sure this man’s instinctive response is “I will put a bandaid on it and move on with my life” but how focused he is when he is just wiping off dirt from your arm or leg or whatever and making you sit still while he gauzes it up is just really sweet he cares so much

MINGHAO

• this man does not know anything.

• I mean don’t get me wrong he’s incredibly smart and emotionally intelligent but also. there’s nothing in this man’s brain except for dastardly ideas

• and you nearly breaking your arm is not exactly a dastardly idea

• so he kinda just shuts down

• he wants to help !!! So bad !!!! but he can’t do anything !!!

• like he’s genuinely such a kind dude and always willing to help even if he teases about it and just always there

• and this is the one thing he can’t help with!!!

• so frustrated ):

• so he spends his time with you by lurking with a pout, ready for any request you had

• he definitely looks like a lost puppy ㅠㅠ

• maybe you act a little more helpless than usual so he can feel better about himself. just maybe

• seeing him brighten when you ask him to get the pasta from the top shelf or help with the laundry is completely worth getting hurt for!!

• eventually he cheers up and goes back to his normal and teasing ways

• and once you heal up he’s so glad he can hug you super tight again (:<

SEUNGKWAN

• Ah, Seungkwan.

• be prepared for lots of passive-aggressive scolding

• I mean when it first happens you can see the panic in this poor man’s eyes

• ok well technically you texted him about it but his reply was violently misspelled and he showed up at your house within 15 minutes

• tbh you should be scolding him because he definitely was speeding to get home that fast

• but he was scolding you!!!

• like wtf you’re already feeling shitty and then Seungkwan comes over and is acting like your mom

• but this man is emotionally mature!!!

• he notices how frustrated and snippy your replies get and calms down, hugging you tightly where you sit on the bathroom counter as he cleans you up

• complains about getting blood on his shirt tho the bastard

• but he definitely hangs out with you for the rest of the day and you catch up and eat ice cream while you lie around on the floor and it’s just. aju nice. (lol)

• he does his best to keep your mind off of any pain or struggling, and we all know this man is a master of distraction so it goes very well

• he’s a very home-y person and you always feel safe with him (:

VERNON

• his literal response is “well that’s not good”

• you fuckin call him like “hey sol I’m in urgent care kinda like. broke my arm” and he’s just like “Yeah that’s a problem”

• thank you Hansol “Sherlock” Chwe

• he is just. out of his element please this man will just stare at your cast or whatever with wide eyes like “yo you broke your arm” yes Vernon

• he’s kinda just fascinated ngl

• he lets you tell your story with wide eyes, beaming proudly when you said you didn’t cry

• he’s like “yeah that’s my partner (:< so cool and badass”

• he’s just very silly about it and doesn’t treat you any differently

• which is nice because you kinda hate people bringing attention to it cuz it’s annoying as shit already ):<

• and he’s already so helpful and willing to do chores or whatever so you don’t have to worry about carrying things or washing dishes or whatever cuz Vernon’s got it!!!

• plus it’s adorable how literally every night he’s just like “it’s so cool how you have a cast” like it’s the dumbest thing ever but he finds it so entertaining. like not even the fact you got hurt just like “holy shit like. it’s cement they basically cement your arm in place you have cement on your arm y/n you could knock someone out with that”

• he’s a cutie lol

CHAN

• ok contrary to popular belief I think he would handle it very well!!

• don’t get me wrong this man is PANICKING under the surface but like. he’s so calm about it on the outside??? hello????

• you call him during practice like “hey so I kinda got hurt I’m ok tho, at the doctor rn” and he’s just like “yes ok are you ok?!”

• little dude lol

• and even though you are, in fact, completely fine, he’s gotta worry smh it’s his job!!

• he comes home and listens to the story as he helps you change the bandages with the most gentle hands ))))):

• and being near you definitely helps calm him down

• he’s back to teasing and being goofy in no time

• this man also definitely knows some medical shit idk what makes me think that but he knows how to like. deal with an injury.

• he definitely is very medically aware idk man I feel like he listens to doctor speak cuz it’s cool and is like “oh yeah go ice that you don’t want it cramping up” whenever one of the other guys complains about something minor lol

• he’s very caring ): I love he sm (:

• he can be a little rat but he knows when to stop and be an ally and what an excellent ally he is!!!!!!!!!

I’m so sorry I’ve never done an after note like this before but seeing all the green and plants makes me think of this damn tweet and I can’t stop laughinh

“he has pollen allergy” I’m sobbing please

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

I decided to watch the Walker pilot so you don’t have to. #1

I don’t know why I’m doing this, but I’m doing this and the more I put it off the less I’ll want to do this. So. Let’s start.

The fist thing we see is Jared Padalecki, em Walker, driving. He’s vaguely smiling and there’s the sun behind him. He seems happy. He’s driving a truck, for some reason my mind goes to Twilight. I’d rather watch that. At least there are vampires (not dressed like clowns) there. Anyway. Walker is meeting someone. He’s meeting his wife! “Look at you!” she says. The camera makes us look at him. He looks like this

I am unsure whether we’re supposed to see this as sexy or cool. It looks frankly ridiculous. I don’t know if I’m just not American enough to appreciate the aesthetic of this. But I didn’t go through 15 seasons of Americana-in-British-Columbia for nothing. If a character appeared like this on Supernatural, it wouldn’t be presented seriously. It would be played for a chuckle or in a light-hearted way at least. Not even Dean Winchester would find this hot.

The Padaleckis tell something to each other. Apparently he needs to go home with the kids and his parents because it’s game night. My mind immediately goes to Game Night the episode and I am sad now. But Walker lifts my mood in its own weird way.  He doesn’t know the rules because every time she tells him the rules, he blacks out. I would make a fun quip about this, but the truth is that I relate to him a lot right now because I blacked out during the entire scene. I’m not sure what they said other than the game thing because I wrote it here. I already forgot the rest.

Anyway. What we’re supposed to get from this scene that they’re Very In Love (see that soft warm light?), and that he’s anxious because he’s not great at being a father because he’s shit at games apparently, but his wife is like ~don’t worry so much~ because she’s a kind, understanding wife. He tells her to be safe, because the Texan countryside is dangerous or something. She needs to stay on a route he approved for some reason. Is she traveling with supersoldier serum in her car? Is Hydra going to murder her? [cue the Marvel snipers shooting me to death because they don’t want Marvel to be associated to this]

Later, everyone is having fun playing fake monopoly, but Walker (whose mannerism is just Jared, he’s not even trying) is apparently too stupid to understand a game for kids. Plot twist, this is anti-cop propaganda because it says cops are dumb.

“Et tu Brute” Jared says when the kids point out he broke a rule so they get an extra turn. I thought I was safe from hearing Jared speak Latin! I thought I was safe! I am never safe!

Emily (Gen) suddenly texts him “SOS. Answer” which is OMINOUS! Oh my god! Aren’t you feeling the tension. The rest of the family keeps playing fake monopoly. Someone throws dice. Are we supposed to go “oh! The dice are ~symbolic because someone’s playing dice with her life” or have I been watching too much good tv.

She is running somewhere in the countryside, wearing a white shirt (is this the cowboy lady equivalent of the Wife Nightgown?). She says something is not right. He’s worried. Then he hears gunshot and her scream. He does the Alarmed Jared face, presses lips together and does a Upset Jared face.

Then he goes out, tries to call her again, and again, does a Jared Upset Sniff--

Oh! We actually see her! She’s alive, but she’s been shot in the stomach. Her white shirt is definitely the cowboy lady equivalent of the Wife Nightgown! Ah the blood coming from the stomach! How terrible! Her phone is ringing but she cannot reach it. She is definitely alive right now, though. She’s breathing heavily because of the wound, which is breathing, which is the opposite of being dead.

He decides that she’s dead, and lets out the already infamous manly scream of anguish.

It would be sad if it wasn’t that literally one second ago we saw her wounded but alive. Her turning out alive in the season finale or so will shock everyone. Nobody will have seen it coming. Who wrote this? They should have just shown the ringing phone and her bloody hand/side, making the audience assume she was dead, instead of showing her breathing. Now the audience is gonna assume she didn’t actually die, and wonder “why didn’t he call someone or went looking for her” but apparently Jared’s characters have forgotten that, like, ambulances are a thing. Jared’s manly screams of anguish are more important than common sense.

I’m not going to say anything about the manly scream of anguish. I’m not going to say anything about the manly scream of anguish. I’m n

We’re just 4 minutes in, guys. Why am I doing this?

Eleven months later, says the screen.

It’s night, outside a house. The son is waiting for him. The daughter doesn’t think he’s coming. On the porch there are two men, one is his brother and one is apparently his former partner, now new boss. He’s dressed like you’d expect a normal person to be dressed in a casual Texan night, hat and tie and all. If you are law enforcement in Texas and don’t wear a cowboy hat at any moment, you will be executed. That’s what the death penalty in Texas is for.

Somebody arrives, but to the kids’ disappointment is some dude whose function is to tell us the men’s names. The brother is Liam, the cop dude I forgot.

Walker is being sad on the back of his truck and drinking alcohol, which is the only way television can express a man having trauma. Holy shit - he reminisces of his wife like this is some emotional Lord of the Rings scene in a place where Elves live except this is not the Lord of the Rings and is just ridiculous, look

She’s seen running towards the gazebo, then she turns

This is exactly shot like the scene where Arwen has a vision of her son. Flowy hair and all. I cannot take this seriously.

He smiles sadly. Then a cop car arrives.

Mexican Lady Cop(TM), whose function in the story is to be a Mexican Lady Cop(TM) asks for his licence since he’s drinking alcohol in a public place.

“You ask so nicely” drunk Walker says. Ew. “Yeah, they train the girls special” Oh! Can you see? She is the Feminist Icon who Takes No Shit from the Dude! I’m so excited. I am slowly losing the will to live.

She drives him home on the police car. His legs don’t fit. At least this is realistic.

He does exposition in the car, including “I needed to visit a ghost instead”. There-there was no need to say it. What’s the demographic they’re aiming for? Five year olds? Do they have to spell everything out loud?

“It’s been a while since I had an actual conversation” he says, which supposedly explains why he’s making awkward exposition, but it’s just bad writing. At least they acknowledge it’s bad writing.

She figures he’s law enforcement coming back from an undercover mission from some drunken ramble he makes. This is worse than the Sherlock phone cable port thing.

She says she just got promoted from state trooper, ehe she will work with him wink wink nudge nudge. Is she going to be a cop-buddy-character slash love interest except when they’re almost about to realize they’re into each other, his wife comes back and draa~ama? I can already see it.

He goes home, makes some Jared grunts, and falls asleep on the couch.

Next morning, he goes out and jogs to where he left the truck. He puts on a cowboy hat which is supposed to be an artistic shot.

I’m slowly dying. He makes some Jared Deep Breaths, at least this made me laugh.

Wait, he’s now wearing a black hat. He’s in mourning, see? What.

He drives to his father’s ranch. His father is Super Not Impressed. It’s awkward. They took about horses. Mitch Pileggi is thinking that at least the other show was more exciting and there was Jensen Ackles in it.

He gets into his parents’ house and the dogs run to him, he does the Jared Dog Chuckle. He hugs his mom. He hugs his son - “August, my boy!” he says, like a normal person his age says.

He hugs his brother and they joke-wrestle and he says “I’m still the big brother” and did I mention I’m dying inside. I just can tell this is SUPPOSED to be reminiscent of Dean and Sam’s first meeting at Stanford in the pilot except Jared is the big brother now. Ew.

We learn that the brother is a DA and gay. All pilots suffer from Forced Exposition Syndrome but it’s like this isn’t even trying.

He goes to work and hugs (very manly hug of course) his friend-now-boss, who is called James. James asks him if he’s good and he’s like yeah I’m good, which our I’m Fine Lie Moment #1. Some things never change.

Enter the case of the week - a cop offered roadside assistance but he was assaulted. We’re already starting with a “Oh No Poor Cop :( Someone Doesn’t Like Cops And Gets Violent” plot. Yay.

Ta-da! Mexican Lady Cop appears, cowboy hat and all. James says she’s Walker’s new partner. My heart cries while Walker says “figured you’d be a guy” and she replies “so did my mom”. The feminism is so strong :’) She’s such a strong female character :’) I’m so happy :’)

Then Walker makes such a quintessential Jared thing with his mouth that I need to stop this here and take a break.

It’s been 13 minutes. So much still to go. I’m bored. Why am I doing this.

[turtle-steverogers]

I Watched TWS for the Millionth Time So Let’s Over-Analyze This Shit

-TFA theme at the beginning 🥰 (that theme is so fuckin good)

-Sam’s lil jogging route around the Tidal Basin/Mall

-Steve being sassy , just as a general

-Steve’s sadness errands

-Sam relating to Steve on the soldier front and making him feel seen

-Just. Sam Wilson

-The way that Steve’s to-do list in the movie varies from country to country (For instance, the UK list has Sherlock instead of I Love Lucy and The Beatles)

-Also I wanna know Steve’s thai order

-The fact that this whole exchange is happening at 6:39 am

-Natasha drives with all the recklessness of a 16 year old that just got their license

-Stealth Suit Stealth Suit

-Steve deflecting Nat’s date suggestions

-Steve’s aversion for parachutes...reckless endangerment ✨

-Steve speaking/understanding at least a little french

-Tony having designed the Helicarriers to have arc reactor power instead of turbines because “he got a close up look at the turbines” in The Avengers 2012 when he got caught in them

-“This isnt freedom, this is fear” aka the embodiment of Steve’s character

-Steve’s exhibit being in the Air and Space museum even tho he flew a plane once and crashed it

-Bucky’s display having two different birth years (1916 and 1917. the correct one is 1917)

-In the little video of Steve and Bucky, Sebastian Stan was saying “We *are* friends” after the director told them to “act like friends” for that shot

-Steve acknowledging Peggy’s family and therefore acknowledging that their relationship with each other, while still close and special, is not romantic anymore and Peggy telling Steve to move on and start over wtf endgame

-The parallel of Peggy losing her memory as Bucky regains his

-Sam Wilson willing to show vulnerability and not being ashamed of his PTSD and treating Steve like any other attendee and hoping Steve will open up too if he sees that it’s okay to

-Steve’s face after “it was like I was up there just to watch” cuz he gets it and both sam and him had to watch their other half fall

-“What makes you happy?” “I don’t know”

-The Winter Soldier theme is just Bucky’s scream pitched different and made to sound mechanical because Henry Jackman wanted it to sound like a man trapped in a machine

-Why is Steve a lucky bastard that has his own laundry machine

-Steve leaving his apartment building after Sharon points out the music and then SCALING THE SIDE OF HIS OWN BUILDING AND CLIMBING IN THROUGH HIS WINDOW LIKE CAN YOU IMAGINE SEEING CAPTAIN AMERICA JUST CLIMBING INTO HIS APARTMENT THROUGH HIS WINDOW ONE NIGHT

-STEVE’s APARTMENT I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS (i might make a separate post on that)

-The fact that “A Long, Long Time” is playing when he sees Bucky for the first time in the future and the song is about lovers reuniting after the war i’m not saying it’s gay but i am

-He calls Fury “Nick” which really indicates theyre not close in the slightest

-Steve is excellent in adapting under pressure (him immediately catching on and using Fury’s code story: “who else knows about your wife?”)

-Steve is Awful at lying but hes also Excellent at lying

-How tf did Steve get the flash drive in the vending machine without the vending machine dude noticing i-

-“Captain Rogers” “Neighbor >:(“ petty little shit

-Steve’s observation skills are A+++++ as we can see in the elevator scene

-More reckless endangerment like imagine just going through your work day and captain america falls through the ceiling

-Steve stole someones gym clothes after escaping SHIELD. let that sink in

-Natasha has about a billion masks on at all times (“I only act like i know everything, rogers” “the person that programmed this was slightly smarter than me. slightly” “the truth isn’t all things to all people all of the time”) also she’s quite insecure, especially when it comes to being perceived as a good, trustable person

-Meanwhile, Steve’s consistently himself even if it costs him

-Bucky trained Natasha in the Red Room (at least in the comics) so theres a good chance she made the connection between him and Steve and withheld that information

-The honeymoon in New Jersey😭😭

-Steve and Nat both have very different, but entirely valid approaches to situations: Steve’s is that of a tactiction, Nat’s is that of a spy’s. We see this in the scene at Pentagon City Mall

-Steve’s looking for someone with shared life experience and bucky has that

-Bucky killed JFK

-When Zola tells him that his death and life both amount to that of a zero sum, he punches the screen with his bare fist, not his shield, indicating just how much that upset him

-Pierce offers Bucky milk cuz he knows “the asset” can’t refuse or accept offers. He’s taunting him

-Sam drinks orange juice straight from the bottle and also doesnt refrigerate his mustard. There’s also a baseball trophy in his apartment so,,,,, baseball player sam anyone?

-Sam is also a gem who immediately helps out Steve and Nat with no judgement in his tone so they don’t feel ashamed

-Nat straightened her hair somewhere in Sam’s house

-“Cuz thats really not your style, Rogers” “you’re right, it’s not” *rubs sitwell’s arm* “it’s hers”

-Steve and Nat banter Steve and Nat banter

-Sam is just *clenches fist* so cool

-Nat immediately knows where Bucky’s gonna shoot when he lands on the Sam’s car and later she knows how to affectively fight him best because he trained her so she knows his fighting style

-Steve alone saying “Bucky?” was enough to break Bucky’s conditioning the slightest bit

-Sam met Steve like 36 hours ago and he’s already being arrested and made into a government fugitive with him and it won’t be the last time

-Steve is the only one entirely restrained

-“Even when I had nothing I had Bucky”

-Everyone meets Sam and is just like “aight let’s trust him with the highest clearance security information”

-Steve looks super nauseous all through the scene where Rumlow is handcuffing him and later when he says, “he looked right at me, like he didn’t even know me” he sounds sick and choked up

-Steve carries a lot of weight on his shoulders

-Steve’s “Bucky?” after the highway battle and Steve’s “Bucky?” in Bucky’s memory in the Vault Scene being different (in Bucky’s memory, he looks more heartbroken)

-Sebastian’s acting. Just all of it. And the way Bucky just opens his mouth for the mouth guard before he gets wiped....heartbreaking

-Steve realizes an organization that was meant to protect the people has become its own antithesis so hes like “aight. get rid of it” damn that’s the right mindset right there

-In the memory scene after Sarah’s funeral, Steve is so out of it and distressed, that he can’t find his key but Bucky immediately knows exactly where it is and what he’s lookin for

-Bucky was vain as shit and also had money: tailored suit, hair w shit ton of brylcreem in it

-The big breakfast Steve had was at Sam’s house

-The whole scene on the helicarrier between Steve and Bucky is incredible here are some highlights: Steve never backing down from a fight until it’s Bucky he’s fighting, Steve dropping the shield for him, Steve being ready to die if living means he’s living in a world where Bucky’s alive and doesnt remember him

-Their acting in that scene is so genuine and heartbreaking i can’t- i can’t-

-Steve’s got a comm i’m so chances are Nat, Sam and Maria can hear a portion of what’s going down on the helicarriers

-“I’m with ya to the end of the line” is basically “til death do us part” so the equivalent of wedding vows between Bucky and Steve is what ultimately broke Bucky’s conditioning

-When bucky fell, steve didn’t jump after him but when Steve fell, bucky went after him even tho he’s brainwashed. don’t think about steve’s guilt surrounding that. youll only get sad

-Bucky waited until Steve took a breath to leave him

-Sam waited by Steve’s side in the hospital

-In the end credit scene, Bucky and Steve originally were supposed to make eye contact, but the writers didn’t want it established that Bucky remembered Steve until CW

----

Every time I watch it from here on out, I’m gonna add a lil more as I notice hehehe

[transsexualhamlet]

sherlock holmes reactions part six (aka me losing my mind over the final problem)

Hi, I am once again reminding you all that I've formed a parasocial relationship with the crackhead detective 👍 This made me overly emotional for the fact that he didnt even die

But like

hhhmmmmmmmm those were certainly an interesting 14 pages

Yeah, I already made a post about how the final problem relates to yuumori's final problem and how incredibly sexy it is but yes now I'd just like to relay to you how absolutely heart brocken i am over this lol I will eventually get to reading the post hiatus stories i just. I haven't emotionally recovered from this yet

Yelling below the cut somehow this reaction feels longer than the story itself. but it's about half cracking jokes and half sobbing so be prepared

I mean, starting off strong with "well yknow since i got married my and sherlock's Very Intimate Relations had to be modified and all but we hadnt seen each other in a while so it was kind of jarring to see him crawling in my second story bedroom window clutching Wounds and closing the shutters absolutely fucking wasted losing his mind over some dude named moriarty"

We've been over this but. Oh my god why are they gay

I just like????? Imagine how fucking bizzare that would be to just see your old homie crawl into your window bleeding on your floor and asking to exit the other way in case he's followed like "hey bro can we Talk i hope you're not busy" WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO, SAY HE IS? Imagine watson just like "no dude I'm fucking busy go get killed"

But legitimately. That's certainly something. And like, I see a lot of books starting like this lmao but. Holmes's stuff usually starts off kind of easily with watson going "yeah so lately ive been Experiencing Sherlock Holmes" and spend 20 minutes on exposition with them having a Conversation but no. mans just fucking escaped a hitman and went directly to his boyfriend's house having apparently Never Before In His Goddamn Life mentioned his actual nemesis to this guy. How the FUCK has watson never heard of him before.

And how sherlock starts talking about it isn't any less funny he's just like "UHHH SO THERE'S THIS GUY. THIS ABSOLUTE MAN. AND HES REALLY IMPRESSIVE I MEAN HES LIKE SUPER FUCKING SMART AND HES LIKE DOING CRIMES????? SO I LIKE. I NOTICED AS I DO BUT HE NOTICED THAT I NOTICED AND I MIGHT HAVE MADE A LITTLE FUCKY WUCKY DUDE CAN YOU HELP ME LIKE. FLEE THE COUNTRY" and watson's like my dear sherlock What The Fuck

Im also loving how he calls moriarty a "mathematical celebrity" awhi;grih;oaewhhta;ioh;iaewh;ii;oewh;eh;rg mans just. ok lol hes a Math Celebrity that had to quit his math teacher job because EVERYONE JUST KNEW HE WAS A CRIME LORD LIKE THEY TOOK ONE LOOK AT HIM AND WENT MANS DEFINITELY HAS BODIES IN HIS BASEMENT I DONT WANT HIM TEACHING HERE

But yeah, it was interesting to see what the big deal about og moriarty was... especially since the deal simply did not deliver. There was not really a big deal. It's like reading the first chapter of a book and immediately skipping to the climax. Everything is so hyped up and clearly having been building for years and you just get like NO CONTEXT. I swear Moriarty wasn't goddamn mentioned any time before this. He's just suddenly the big guy and watson has just never fucking heard shit about this guy.

What's so funny about this whole situation is that I just. Cannot objectively know anything about Moriarty at all because sherlock just... does not go into what this dude's alleged crimes even were, other than. The fact that he like. Does them. He's just really involved in crimes. How? Why? For how long? In what way? For what purpose? NO FUCKING CLUE HE JUST. HE JUST DOES. And there's nothing to really suggest that Moriarty was honestly a really evil guy. They're all like trust me he was just. he was just really bad but show absolutely No examples of being such. The most evil thing we saw Moriarty do personally was call sherlock stupid for letting him get into the apartment. And even then he immediately followed it up with complimenting him lol

yeah, my impression of Moriarty was like. I expected him to be worse, honestly. I expected him to be like a cartoon villain because he was kind of made out to be one and then he's just honestly a really polite and refined guy?? Mans strolls the fuck into 221B like hi shawty and it is Not like yuumori obviously man's holding a gun but like. What the fuck they are just. They have never met before but They Clearly Have and it's. its so weird

Like honestly I don't dislike og moriarty. He's really what william tried to be (and fucking failed, but beside the point) but like. Dude's so powerful and for what. He just walks into the apartment with No Pretense like why sherlock holmes is that a revolver or are you just happy to see me oh my goodness you are a dolt why would you hold the gun that way. disgusting. disgraceful. dreadful. Oh my god. I love him I'm sorry

abngnahhghifeah;iewh and Why does sherlock describe him like that hes like "MANS A REALLY REFINED LIZARD /pos" HIEHIFEHW:HGIHOEWFEEW FOR WHAT. FOR W H A T

baaaaaaaaghhhhhh but likeeeee they went STRAIGHT to "you know what I'm here for" "you know how I'm going to respond" "well then" "yeah" "mhm" "damn well it really do be like that sometimes" "ur really smart by the way" "im fucking aware let's kill each other as we both Thought in our Minds" "yes lets" AHDHDHDHDFS WTF THIS IS INSANE

But damn uh. mutual destruction my beloved this is very different from sherliam but im not. im not. opposed to it tucks hair behind ear

I just. Holy shit they really went "if you destroy me I will ensure that we both go down hand in unlovable hand" "I wouldn't mind that"

Annnnd I just noticed that the actual lines for this part kind of. that kind of happened in chapter 31 when sherlock was like i would Gladly die to take down the lord of crime and william was like. hahahah yeahNO NO NO NO

BUT SERIOUSLY THO IM LOSING MY MIND OVER HOW SHERLOCK SAYS THIS WHOLE THING TO WATSON AND HES LIKE DAMN SHAWTY HES LIKE THE REASON FOR HALF THE CRIME IN THIS CITY BUT HES SO NICE THO??? LIKE I EXPECTED HIM TO BE TOUGH AND EVERTHING NO HES JUST SOME POLITE PROPER UNDERSTANDABLE MAN WHO JUST HAPPENS TO BE VERY DIABOLICAL shawty is having a Crisis

And then watson is like wowww that was cool you wanna spend the night and sherlock is like "UNFORTUNATELY BESTIE I AM BEING FUCKING TRACKED DOWN ID LIKE YOU TO NOT DIE WITH ME"

This bit gave me a Moment Moment because oh my god. Then watson is like "no shut up i'm coming with you i don't care" and i just had to Take A Minute because THEY SWITCHED PLACES AAH SHERLOCK IS TRYING TO KEEP WATSON SAFE NOW AND WATSON IS NOW MORE RECKLESS BC OF HIM AND. AHHHH

Completely random but. How sherlock still refers to 221B as "our rooms" to watson even though watson hasn't lived their in years........ shawty i am emotional.........

SO THEY GODDAMN FLEE THE COUNTRY TOGETHER BC WATSON SAYS THEY HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER AND SHERLOCK HAS A MOMENT WHERE HE'S LIKE YEAH NEVERMIND PLEASE GO HOME WATSON AND WATSON IS JUST LIKE. NO. AND HSERLOCK IS LIKE. DAMN OK I HAVE NEVER HEARD YOU SAY THAT BEFORE

But. Ok as funny as this is. They have this fucking Conversation on the train to switzerland where sherlock is like "I have not lived in vain" and watson is like "YOURE NOT DYING" and hes like "i have not lived in vain. like i said. this will not be a bad way to die" UHHHHHH DAMN SHAWTY

hhhhhh and it just Gets. it. it. it Gets. These fuckers get to switzerland and they stay in a hotel and then leave for reichenbach but watson gets this goddamn letter telling him that hes needed at the hotel to basically save this lady's life. And he doesn't. Like. he doesn't even want to go he's like FUCK IT SHE CAN DIE IM NOT LEAVING YOU but sherlock convinces him to go fULLY KNOWING THE LETTER WAS FUCKING FAKED BY MORIARTY JUST AS A PLOY TO GET HIM ALONE

AND THEN HE JUST. WENT ANYWAY AND WATSON HAD TO WATCH HIM JUST LIKE GODDAMN WALK OFF INTO THE SUNSET LIKE "LITTLE DID I KNOW THIS WOULD BE THE LAST TIME I WOULD SEE HIM BUT IT JUST. IT HAD THAT VIBE YKNOW"

God I just. Wow sherlock really did that huh. He really went and did that. And I went over it in the post about this compared to yuumori but it just RUINED me how watson just. Never saw what happened and there's just so little information about it that all they have is these assumptions and pieces that just suggest that these guys met up, walked up to the goddamn waterfall having a nice civil conversation about how talented and smart they both were at this and how they revealed their methods to each other and complimented them because of course they did

And they just sat up there talking to each other so long and Moriarty legit waited politely or even possibly was the one that suggested he write a letter to watson in which sherlock just went "damn lol moriarty's pretty nice actually anyway uhhhh sorry watson ily ✌" and just like. left it up there in his damn cigarette box

But just like. damn the insinuation that moriarty just sat there and watched while he wrote that entire goddamn letter, sealed it up, and then got up and went alright buddy let's go but it makes no goddamn sense if they wanted to actually kill each other and assure they themselves would survive I could name like 23 different ways they could have managed it so easily and they Didn't. they were really set on mutual destruction huh. There's no way they were even trying to do anything but Die Together at that point and that's Something huh

It absolutely baffles me how they could say that these guys had plummetted like, holding each other tho. Like. ok lol but How Do You Even Know

It was certainly a ride. But the fact that Watson had to actively try to think like Sherlock to figure out what happened in the scene was just. The cherry on top. Especially after they'd consciously started to switch roles in this i just. Damn.

In conclusion uhhhhhhhh gay people real I suppose

[mayflowers07]

While getting very drunk on Valentine’s Day because he is lonely, Deception “Deceit” Sanders drank:

Shots of whiskey

Shots of scotch

Shots of vodka

Numerous beers throughout the day

Numerous beers chugged after walking in on some inappropriate activities he wishes he could unsee

And a cocktail of many dangerous and illegal drugs given to him by Remus

And then retold

The Drunk History of Sanders Sides

Deceit: It’s the winter of 2016...

Roman appears in Virgil’s first video and is like “Yo, I don’t like you”

And Virgil’s like, “Yo, I don’t like you even more!”

“That’s impossible... Do you wanna have an enemies to friends to lovers relationship?”

And Virgil’s like “... yeah... that’s cool.”

And then he’s like “Yo, this is a video about lying to yourself, where’s Deceit?”

And then Logan and Patton have a video together. And Patton’s already adopting Virgil as his and Logan’s kid. Logan is roleplayin’ Sherlock for some fuckin’ reason!

And Virgil keeps showing up in videos for some reason! They start hangin’ out all together. And they're like “Oh, let’s have some fuckin’ name reveals, bitch!” It was like, Logan and fuckin’ Roman and fuckin’ Patton!

Logan said to Virgil, “Yo, we gotta change this shit up! Yo, we’ve already established prinxiety and logicality; let’s get some shit from analogical.”

And so Roman and Patton are like “Yo, that’s dope. But we need Anxiety’s name!” Because Virgil’s still playin’ villain and he needs a redemption arc!

Virgil’s like “Yo! I got character development!”

And they're like “Wait, how do you have character development?”

And he’s like “Yo, watch this: I've always aimed to protect you, but lately... It feels like I've been keeping you from doing anything.”

And they’re like “Oh my god! That sounds like character development!” So they did the arc and Roman confessed his feeling and it was like “You make us...better.”

And then they’re like: “Yo, that's fuckin’ perfect. This is famIlY.” And they made fun group content like, Gryffindor Roman, Ravenclaw Logan, Hufflepuff Patton, and Slytherin Virgil. Everyone is in a Hogwarts house, everybody loves it.

Virgil, correcting Deceit off camera: Dee, I never picked a house. That was the whole point.

Deceit, ignoring Virgil: Virgil the Slytherin! Virgil the Huffleclaw!

Virgil is a motherfuckin’ Divergent, and it's real and it doesn't matter.

And Patton talked to everyone and he was like “Yo, what the FUCK! Yo, my character arc is gonna be fuckin’ DOPE!”

So Patton was real sad and angsty for a while, and it was called: Nostaligia Part One and Two.

They didn’t mention the dark sides! They waited like three or four episodes for a dark side to show up.

The four episodes were like: Purple Isn’t A Hogwarts House, I Wonder If We Should Listen To Logan More, Oh Fuck We Should… The fourth one was like a LAMP Christmas musical or something.

And they were like, “Yo, we need Deceit. Deceit. Pretend to be Patton. Fuckin' do it.” And I did it, and I killed it.

I was like, tell the child their hamster died!

Fucking with Virgil! Revealing myself to Thomas! Silencing Logan! Playing the shit! Killing these bitches! Wrapping it out!

Deceit off camera to Logan: You just ate three fuckin’ jars of Crofters! What the fuck is going on?!

Deceit: “We should get a Roman vs Logan. 'Cause logince is a fuckin’ valid ship.”

And Roman was like “Yo, if you can make Logan more popular then me, which is not fuckin' hard, I will have a breakdown during the musical."

Logan was like ”Yo! Thomas’ got this problem that’s fuckin’ Roman’s fault, dude! It's called emotional repression. Hey wait, it's gonna be called my problem too, and it's gonna be fuckin' huge.”

And then Virgil’s like "I gotta keep it real, I gotta keep it me. Halloween’s gonna be emo as hell”

And they made a song with puppets it was fucking dope and it talked about all of their emotional problems.

Like: one issue, two issues, three! Three, two one! Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten! TEN TO ONE!

Virgil was like, “I’ve got a secret!”

Patton was like, “I’m losing touch with Virgil!”

Roman and Logan were like, “We’re the functional ones for once!”

And Deceit had nothing to do with the last four episodes. And Virgil was like “That's good!”

I was like “Yo, fuck the wedding! Thomas can do whatever he want!”

Logan was like “Yeah, it's cool man, whatever… I don’t have feelings.”

And then Roman was like “Eh… I agree with Deceit but...!”

And Patton was like "Morality is fuckin’ great. Because it makes you be a good person. Which a lot of times, Thomas is not a good person. And I wanna change that. I wanna make sure everybody thinks that Thomas is a good person.”

Deceit: *starts throwing up in the garbage can beside him*

Deceit: I'm good so far.

Patton: You wanna spit one more time?

Deceit: No, I’m fine

Deceit: *sits back up in his chair and starts giggling as he looks around*

Deceit: ...Shut the fuck!..

Deceit: So Thomas was like “Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed about these intrusive thoughts!”

And then I saw the intrusive thoughts, and I was like “Eh, it's not bad. It's honest. Let’s be real, you wanted to be honest.”

Thomas decides to miss the callback and I am so fuckin’ pissed

I’m like “Yo, fuck you guys!”

And I’m like “Yo! Another video where I get shut down? Yo, fuck these dudes! We're gonna fucking go miles above! We're gonna send in Remus to win the fight!”

But he didn’t! Because he couldn’t fuck with Logan.

Apparently, Remus was like: “Oh, shit you can’t get rid of me.” And they didn’t but Logan taught them to ignore him.

Dude, Remus was like "What the FUCK?”

Oh, you don’t fuckin’ listen to the dark sides. It's like, fuck you!

So intrusive thoughts happen, we fuckin' have a whole video of awesomeness!

Like, Remus is cumming on himself, 'cause it's so big!

Remus was like “Yo, I gotta have a name reveal” meaning, Virgil was like “Yo, I gotta reveal my secret bro”

And Roman’s like, “My brother is the source of my insecurities! Ahhh!”

And Patton’s like “Yo, I need to accept Thomas’ flaws cause he’s a fuckin’ good person.”

And Logan’s like “I’m just gonna solve everyone’s problems and be the fuckin’ coolest.”

And they were like, “Alright, this shits been super angsty. We gotta fuckin’ come back man. We gotta come back domestic and cute af!”

Deceit: *looks around for something*

Deceit: You took my hat away, what the fuck?!

Roman: No, Remus poured beer in it to chug so we left it on the counter!

Logan: Yeah, it’s right next to you

Deceit: Whatever. So the next vid is like, we gotta make this shit legit. We’re gonna have a fuckin’ fanfic movie night and we’re gonna give in to the Mouse Corporation

Deceit: *grabs his hat and puts it on as Patton and Roman scream at him to stop and beer pours out on his head*

Deceit: What the fuck is this on my head, did I puke on myself?

Virgil: No, you poured beer all over yourself.

Deceit: Oh god...

Deceit: So Thomas was like: “Yo, next episode we're gonna have Roman and Patton scrap. It’s a right brain fight night.”

And that’s all. And that’s all that matters. And that is how the fucking story goes.

Deceit: *stands up to take a bow*

Everyone: *starts applauding and whooping off camera*

[theyre-just-blocks]

Alrighty, my brain decided to flip a switch after today’s stream so here we go boys!!

First of all, let me just start off by saying that the stream today was just about the best stream I have seen so far. So much happened in it and there’s just a lot to breakdown, but I specifically want to talk about the prison and the role I think it’s going to play.

So thoughts below the cut!

After months and weeks of watching Sam construct the prison, it’s FINALLY being used, and I couldn’t be more thrilled. HOWEVER, at the same time, I am scared to see where this goes now and I’ve got a lot of theories for it. 

First, I’m going to take Big Q’s words of wisdom and not trust anyone. It pains me to have to doubt Sam’s character after taking such a liking to him, but I’m just going to have to do that because I can’t fully trust him yet. 

With that in mind, let’s chat real quick about Sam and some potential lore, yeah?

I find it funny that I love the SMP for the lore and the streamer I watch/love the most isn’t even a big part of the role. At least, not yet. 

He has said in previous streams that we will be getting Sam lore with the prison and all, so this might be it. This has to be the start of that. 

When I was watching Tommy’s stream, a lot of people were sus of Sam after he brought up the prison and offered to take Dream there, but by himself. He said he didn’t want people to see the prison, and as someone who’s seen how secretive he and Dream have been with their plans (with Sam doing a lot of the prison grind off camera), it would make sense. 

And plus, Sam cared for the community house. We saw how upset he was when it got blown up, he made Tommy swear on his discs that it wasn’t him. So when Dream admitted to blowing it up, there’s a good chance that Sam wouldn’t stick to being on Dream’s side after the fact. Not to mention, in Dream’s fucked up room of prized possessions, he wanted to take Fran, Sam’s dog. That’s pretty messed up. I’m sure after those two factors Sam would doubt his allegiance with Dream. 

Not to mention, he’s good friends with Tubbo and Tommy. He offered Tommy a place to stay at his base when they first met and when Tommy got exiled and Tommy made him an honorary British person. Sam also did the Ocean project with Tubbo and the two have that bond over redstone contraptions. Sam really does care for them, so I think he’d choose them over Dream any day. 

On top of that, man’s literally the most neutral guy on the server. He’s on everyone’s side. So if there was a moment where it was majority versus Dream, he’s going to go with the majority.

So, at first, I wasn’t sus of Sam at all. I understood his reasoning for no one wanting to see, he cared about the community house, his loyalties lay with the majority, and so I had no idea why people were saying that he was sus in the chat.

HOWEVER

How scary/cool would it be for Sam to have a villain arc? 

I know y’all are probably tired of people having them, but hear me out.

He’s been on Dream’s side from the start, the two of them have been friends for a while. And they spent a lot of time working together on the prison, so that might have given them time to bond and for Dream to leak some of his plans to Sam. That way, Sam would’ve known ahead of time Dream’s plans or something so he would know how to act when the things that Dream did happened. 

But also, what if Sam is just playing the server? The whole nice act is just a facade that he’s been putting on to fool everyone so he can gain everyone's trust?

I’m just saying, that would be the ultimate betrayal if that was the case. 

And the dude’s rich. He wants to build a fucking bank now. So, now that Dream’s out of power, he might be the one to rise up, seeing as he’s got the most material/resources/ and he’s hella cracked at the craft.

This is not really a theory, to be honest, it’s more of a “what if” because I highly doubt that it’ll happen. Though, we never know. We can’t trust anyone on this stupid server.  

Okay, so that was more of a crack theory, but here’s something I’ve been thinking about. 

Dream stated that he was always one step ahead of Tommy and Tubbo. He’s like the Moriarty to their Sherlock and Watson, but this time, things didn’t really go to plan. He was stopped and taken to jail in his OWN prison. Pretty ironic, huh?

But it’s the fact that it’s HIS prison that scares me because we don’t know the plans. We only know a few things from what Sam has shown/told us, but a majority of the prison has been kept a secret. 

You can’t tell me that Dream didn’t think ahead and foresee this. You can’t tell me that he built a ‘just in case’ backdoor for a situation like this. 

The way I see it, the prison is like the Death Star. It’s got one flaw to it that Sam doesn’t know about (Dream kept things from him about the prison, he didn’t tell him who it was for) that would allow Dream to easily escape the prison. 

And if anything, Dream still needs to call in that Techno-favor. So if there isn’t a backdoor exit for him to go through, he still has a guy on the outside that he can get into contact with and explain how the prison works so that Techno might avoid something happening. 

Dream’s a smart guy, he’s always thinking ahead. There is no way that he doesn’t have a means of escape. Whether it be the Techno-favor, a Sam betrayal, or a backdoor, I don’t think he’s going to remain there forever. 

Afterall, it was built for someone (and we know it wasn’t for Tommy originally, so who is it??) and you can’t tell me that he and Sam would spend all that time on the prison to put just one guy in there. Even if that one guy is Dream.  

All I’m saying is, I’m happy for what happened today. We finally had some good come out from these big streams. Which just makes things more sus because nothing good ever happens on this goddamn server so I can’t help but think that something’s going to happen.

I honestly can’t wait for Season 3 and Sam lore with the prison. 

I wish I had a better theory or something, but I’m currently crashing down from the high I was at earlier after the events and am really tired and sad so I can’t think all that well. 

And if anyone wants to scream about what happened today,, you should do so with me on Discord - disasterbychance#6355

[snakeboistan]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHIOTA NAGISA

Thank you, Nagisa, for showing me that being kind and gentle doesn’t mean that you’re weak and also that the parts about you that you hate can be turned into your greatest weapon. You have been a role model for me for the past four years and I strive to be as wise and caring as you. Keep doing what you’re doing, you adorable little assassin, we’re all so very proud of you. 😍😊

Yes, I know that Nagisa’s birthday is during Summer break but shhhhh

(25 unread messages) 

Akabane Karma: Hey there Nagi :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLUEBERRY! I can’t believe you are officially older than me. But don’t get your hopes up, just because you’re my elder, doesn’t mean that I will start listening to you. Just to show you how awesome I am, I decided to stay up late so that I can text you exactly at 00:00. But for real, I hope you have an awesome day and I promise to beat up anyone that ruins it for you ;) Nagisa, you are honestly the most amazing person I’ve ever met and you’re seriously like such a sweet and kind and honest and good person and I have no idea how someone as nice and forgiving as you ended up befriending someone as crazy and violent as me. You’re the only person who's never been scared of me and even though you hate violence you still stood by me and never tried to change me and you liked me for me. No one’s ever liked me without expecting me to change and I’ve never felt as comfortable being myself with someone as I have with you. Can’t wait to see you at school today - I got you a present. No I won’t tell you what it is and yes, you’ll definitely love it. See you soon.

Sugino Tomohito: Happy Birthday Nagisa! Hope that you have fun today! I just want to tell you that you are the best best friend that I could ever ask for and I am truly grateful for everything that you have done for me. When I first got kicked down to 3-E and was forced to leave the baseball club, I thought that it was all over but you came along and was the first person to actually sit down and listen to me and you offered to practice baseball with me and honestly, that really made my day. Dude, you are like this amazing blue ball of kindness and like seriously you are brilliant but you don’t nearly give yourself enough credit. I don’t know where you get your low self esteem from or what it is that makes you think that you are worth so little but I promise to remind you that you are cared for every single day until your next birthday and for the rest of your life. Okay, that probably sounded super weird but it’s early and my brain is like 60% baseball memes at this point. At first I hated losing my baseball friends and getting sent to this abandoned building on top of a death mountain but meeting you has made me realise that our crazy assassination classroom™ is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. From the day I’ve met you, you’ve been nothing but loyal and caring. You are the person I can talk and rant to and you’ll never judge me and you always know how to make you smile. And honestly, you are worth 1000 baseball teams. Don’t let your mother get you down. See you in class! Oh, BTW, my little brother says Hi.

Kayano Kaede: HIIIIII NAGISA! HOPE YOU HAVE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART! I got you a gift and I hope you like it and no it’s not pudding but you will be getting some cake from that cafe we visited over the weekend. It’s not easy being the new girl and ever since I’ve joined the class, you’ve been nothing but an awesome best friend and you have always been by my side since the day we decided to have matching hairstyles (which might I say looks so much better on you than it does on me - UNFAIR!) I hope the rest of the year is filled with pudding and happiness and sweets and smiles and everything else you love 

Nakamura Rio: Happy birthday to our resident blueberry cinnamon roll! Have a wonderful day ‘Gisa. I’m sure you will when you see what I have in store for you ;). You are seriously the most mature, innocent, pure little bean I have ever met - and definitely the most fun person to play pranks on! Dont worry, as the birthday boy, you shall spend 24 hours completely prank free. Yes, yes I know, I’m the best classmate ever. Dont need to tell me something I already know, sweetie. See you later, my fellow English lover!

Maehara Hiroto: Yo, dude, Happy Birthday! Hope you have fun and enjoy what we’ve got in store for you (no hints!). Like seriously you are legit the most awesome person ever cause you’re so sweet and innocent and can turn into this super awesome secret badass whenever you want to. Youre like the class therapist/medic/person we can always rely on and you never complain when we drive you crazy (cause I know that we do). I’m super proud of you man. Never change Nagisa. See you at school. (BTW - We still up for karaoke next week?)

Isogai Yuuma: Happy birthday Nagisa! Hope you have a wonderful day! I can’t wait to see you in class later. When my siblings found out that it was your birthday, they insisted that they make you a card.You are an irreplaceable member of our class and I’m so happy that you are part of it. Seriously, if it wasn’t for you and your ability to calm people down and talk people out of doing whatever crazy idea they came up with, I’m pretty sure I would’ve lost my mind. You’re always smiling and always participate in class without complaining and you always see the best in everyone. Keep on doing what you do Nagisa, the world could use more people like you. ( Oh and come to the cafe later, I got an iced bun on the house for you)

Fuwa Yuzuki: AAAAAHHHHH HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAGISA! CONGRATULATIONS ON SUCCESSFULLY SURVIVING THIS LONG ON EARTH! OOHH IM SUPER EXCITED FOR YOU TO SEE WHAT I’VE GOT YOU! Thank you for always going along with and listening to my crazy anime/manga rants even when you have no idea whats going on. It’s so much fun hanging out with you cause youre chill and youre always up for anything and apart from Takabayshi you’re the person in the class that get my references the most. Youre an amazing main protagonist and you deserve all of the screentime and lines you get - heck even your own spin-off show. For someone who loves heroes so much, youre doing an amazing job of being one yourself. Youre the best Watson a Sherlock like me could ever ask for and a really good friend for this manga obsessed Otaku! Love you and see you later!

Kataoka Megu: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I hope that you enjoy the rest of the day. As someone whose job is to watch over our … interesting class, having you around makes everyone else bearable. I’m sure that if you aren’t here to keep the peace I would’ve murdered Okajima months ago. You have always been really respectful and kind and I appreciate having someone as hard-working and loyal as you in my class. I always enjoy having our talks about equal rights and you have always been like a little brother to me (honestly, I prefer you over my actual older brother). See you later and please continue to stay the way you are.

Okano Hinata: Hey there Nagisa. Happy Birthday! How’s it going, little dude! Hope you enjoy yourself and have lots of fun today. Thank you for being one of the only boys that I can actually stand. You are such an amazing person to have in the class and you’re amazing at being someone that we can all come to when we’re upset. Plus you let us brush your amazing godly hair (seriously I’m jealous at how nice it is). If any main campus kids try to ruin this special day - come to me and I’ll sort them right out :)

Kurahashi Hinano: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAGISA! I HOPE YOU HAVE LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF FUN TODAY AND EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE! CAN’T WAIT TO SEE YOU SO THAT I CAN GIVE YOU YOUR PRESENT IN PERSON AND THE BIGGEST BIRTHDAY HUG EVER! YOU ARE AN AMAZING PERSON AND I (AND EVERYONE ELSE) LOVE YOU SOO MUCH OKAY I HAVE TO GO NOW BUT BYEEEE 

Kimura Masayoshi: Hey Nagisa! Happy Birthday! Can’t wait to see you at school! 

Mimura Kouki: Happy Birthday Nagisa :) wish you the best :)

Yada Touka: Happy Birthday Nagisa! I hope you have a fun-filled day! You are a really sweet and nice person and I enjoy hanging around with you - especially when you join us girls on our girl trips to the mall. You’re like a little brother to me and I always feel comfortable when I’m with you. Love you and hope you have a nice day <3

Takabayashi Koutarou: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I hope that you enjoy yourself.

Hayami Rinka: Happy Birthday Nagisa

Okajima Taiga: Happy Birthday Nagisa. You are such an incredible person to have in the class. And thank you for always saving me from the girls when they get mad at me. Hope you have fun. I was going to give you some really cool magazines but when the girls figured it out they slapped me and said that they’d tie me up in the middle of the mountain and leave me there if I did so I’m just gonna give you something else that I made (with Sugaya’s help). I’ll show you it at school - I hope you like it.

Kanzaki Yukiko: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I hope you have a nice day and thank you for being such a good and reliable friend. See you at school.

Yoshida Taisei: Happy Birthday Nagisa! I’m so sorry for the grenade incident earlier and I am so happy Koro-Sensei saved you. Also like you are one tough guy, you know that right? Cause what happened with Takaoka, man you couldve beaten any of us up with your eyes closed any time. Stay awesome dude. See you at the mountain

Hara Sumire: Happy Birthday Nagisa. I’ve made some sushi just for you. I hope you like it. As your official unofficial mother, I hope you have fun today and I can’t wait to see you later. 

Sugaya Sosuke: Happy Birthday Nagisa. Thank you for being around and seeing the good in all of us even when we don’t see it ourselves. You always know how to inspire us and you are going to be an awesome grown up when you’re older. You always appreciate everyone and you know exactly how to pick us up when we’re down. I hope you like your present (you’ll get it later)

Okuda Manami: Happy Birthday Nagisa! I hope you have a wonderful day today. I just want to say thank you for being my friend and always encouraging me and helping me. You always know how to cheer me up and include me. See you at school.

Chiba Ryuunosuke: Happy Birthday Nagisa

Hazama Kirara: Happy Birthday fellow literature lover. I really enjoy talking about gothic literature with you - your analysis of themes and context is always very insightful and interesting and I enjoy spending time with you. If you ever need to escape, you can always come to me. PS - my offer to curse your mother is still up.

Muramatsu Takuya: Happy Birthday Nagisa. Hope you have fun. I made you some ramen (don’t worry its not my dad’s recipe so you’ll be good)

Terasaka Ryouma: Sup Shiota, Happy Birthday. I just want to say that I’m really sorry for being an a**hole and treating you like a jerk - especially forcing you to wear that grenade at the beginning of the year. You’re really good at assassination and you’ve got some serious moves. I dont really know what to say but you can always hang out with my gang whenever you want.

[365days365movies]

April 2, 2021: The General (1926)

From one legendary early filmmaker onto another!

Joseph Frank Keaton was born in Piqua, Kansas, on October 4, 1895. His parents were vaudeville performers, which might be sounding familiar to you, based on Chaplin’s life history. But Keaton’s childhood was VERY different, I promise. When he was an infant, he fell down the stairs in front of a family friend, and stood up afterwards, seemingly fine. The actor said, “He’s a regular buster!” And the name stuck, as did Buster’s tendency to shake off what could be massive injury. And that proved useful, as he would soon lose the tip of his finger, hit his own eye with a rock, and was also SUCKED OUT OF A WINDOW BY A TORNADO AND DROPPED TWO CITY BLOCKS AWAY. FUCKING SERIOUSLY. And according to some accounts, al of that happened in the same fucking day. Allegedly, because that shit would be CRAZY if true.

Regardless, he was brought on to work with his parents on stage when he was three, and they became “The Three Keatons”. During the act, Buster would be thrown against the scenery, into the orchestra pit, or into the audience itself! He earned to take trick falls quickly, and was billed as “the little boy who can’t be damaged”. And kid was INDESTRUCTIBLE. Sure, he never got hurt because of surprisingly well-thought out stage trickery, but he also was VERY good at landing on his feet, describing himself once as “landing like a cat” on regular occasions. But eventually, the law banned child performers in vaudeville, putting an end to the act.

But that wouldn’t stop Buster Keaton, NO SIR. It did stop his father, though, who eventually succumbed to alcoholism and wrecked the family business. But Buster and his mother left for New York City, and Buster moved on to his lifelong passion: acting. While acting on stage, Keaton met a young man named Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle, who would become one of the most prominent early film stars. But then, World War I happened, and Buster served in France, where he would become permanently deaf in one ear.

When he came back, he was a writer for Arbuckle’s films before breaking out on his own projects, being able to write, direct, and act in his own films. In the process, he developed his unique style of acting and filmmaking, which was extremely visual and full of slapstick. In acting, he became famous for his emotionless stony face, known as the “deadpan”. He also ALWAYS did his own stunts, which sometimes resulted in some major consequences.

Yeah. YEAH. Dude did a stunt that caused him to BREAK HIS NECK, and he DID NOT REALIZE THIS for YEARS AFTER THE INCIDENT! This man is the GREATEST BADASS THAT FILM HAS EVER KNOWN. That was on Sherlock, Jr. in 1924, and by this point, Keaton was a millionaire, and one of the biggest names in Hollywood, alongside Charlie Chaplin, of course. He was married to actress Natalie Talmadge (who was the SAME AGE as him, go figure), and they had three children together by 1924. And their marriage...also began to suffer. Just like Chaplin, except that Keaton wasn’t abusive to Natalie or the kids, thankfully. It was her spending habits, and the two of them growing apart. 

And then, in 1925, inspired by history like Chaplin was with The Gold Rush, Keaton was inspired by a true story from the Civil War, known as the Great Locomotive Chase. See, Buster LOVED trains, and with the money and resources at his disposal, he had the ability to make his magnum opus, his favorite film, and one of the most expensive films ever made. Working with Chaplin’s United Artists, he made today’s film of focus: The General. And, uh...this would have mixed results, I’ll just say that much for now.

I’ll tell you what happens to Buster after this in the review, but for now, let’s jump into the movie! It’s a short one, but that’s OK! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Y’know, I considered saving this one for Historical July or War November, but I think it’s better here for a few reasons. Plus, I’d rather those films not be comedic, if I can help it. Anyway: Marietta, Georgia, 1861!

The Western & Atlantic Railroad train known as The General is bring driven by its chief engineer Johnnie Gray (Buster Keaton). As a title screen tells us, Johnny loves two things: the majestic The General, and his equally majestic fiancée, Annabelle Lee (Marion Mack). Living in the decadent pre-Civil War South, the two are happy with each other, although Johnnie is somewhat awkward in his way. He provides Annabelle with a photo of him and The General.

Just then, though, Annabelle’s brother (Frank Barnes) comes in and tells her and their father (Charles Smith) that Fort Sumter’s been fired on. UH OH. It’s war. As Annabelle’s brother immediately goes to enlist alongside many other men, Johnnie follows suit. However, when he gets to the enlisting station, he’s refused the opportunity, as he will be needed to act as a railroad engineer. Which, to be fair, does make sense. Railroad engineers would be vital for the effort. However, they never tell him why he isn’t fit for the job, so he just goes back and tries to enlist under a false name. They catch him, though, and he’s again refused. Dejected, he goes back to the train.

However, as he leaves, Annabelle’s father and brother see him in line, and try to get him in to join them. He shakes his head, but instead of assuming that he’s been rejected, they assume that he’s too cowardly to join. They relay this message to Annabelle, who goes to him directly He tells him the truth, that he’s been rejected, but she IMMEDIATELY assumes he’s lying, and tells him not to speak to her again unless he’s in uniform. Dammit, Annabelle! And poor Johnnie doesn’t even know how important he is! Geez, guys, get your shit together.

A year passes, and the war continues in earnest. We go to a Union camp, where Captain Anderson (Glen Cavender) plots with General Thatcher (Jim Farley) to ambush a train and steal it, in an effort to debilitate the train and the South’s efforts as a whole. Meanwhile, Annabelle’s father is wounded, causing her to go and see him. This requires a trip on The General, and a brief and awkward reunion with Johnnie.

However, we now have a much bigger problem than lost love. Because the train is stopped for Johnnie and the passengers to get some food at a nearby stop. And this is when Captain Anderson takes the opportunity to steal The General right from under Johnnie’s nose. And Annabelle, who catches them in the act, is kidnapped in order to hide their scheme.

The men take off with The General and Annabelle, and now BOTH of Johnnie’s loves are taken away from him. He chases after the train, first running, then using a handcar, and THEN taking a man’s penny-farthing bicycle. By the way, fun fact about me: it is my life’s goal to be able to afford a penny-farthing bicycle and ride it around town while wearing a top hat and coat, like it’s completely fucking normal. I need this - I FUCKING NEED THIS, UNDERSTAND???

He rides that penny-farthing to another stop, where he encounters Confederate soldiers, who he tries to recruit to aid him in retrieving his train. However, he accidentally leaves them all behind, using a small engine, Texas to chase after his train and the robbers. Johnnie’s soon leading them in a hot pursuit, also managing to procure a cannon on the way.

However, the robbers have taken notice now, and the Captain is under the mistaken impression that the Texas carries reinforcements. Instead, they keep going. Meanwhile, Johnnie’s hooked the cannon up to the back of the Texas, and is trying (and failing) to fire it at the robbers. Instead, he accidentally unhooks it as it’s about to fire, and it’s aimed at the Texas instead. To avoid the shot, Johnnie...Johnnie does THIS.

...Damn, Buster Keaton, that’s awesome. That’s him doing this, FOR REAL, in this film. Holy shit. Tom Cruise, eat your heart out. Anyway, the cannon misses the Texas, but ends up firing pretty close to The General, spooking the men onboard. To stave him off, they first detach their last car, which falls off the tracks when Johnnie’s looking away, confusing him greatly. Then, they through railroad ties on the tracks, which Johnnie has to clear by getting off the train, riding it’s grill (again), and removing by hand! God, I love this dude.

The Union soldiers divert the tracks, driving Johnnie into a dead end, but he manages to reverse the Texas and switch back onto the right track. Meanwhile, the Union men are building fires in The General’s train cars, and leaving those cars on covered bridges in order to burn them down. They do this on one, and the Texas follows, driving into it, and pushing it OUT of the bridge. And goddamn, this movie is cool as shit.

As Johnnie deals with this latest situation, the train drives through Chattanooga, where the Confederate Army is in full retreat, chased away by the Union. And it’s at this point that I should point something out: I really, really should be rooting aginst Johnnie here, for obvious reasons. But, the movie is putting him in position as the protagonist, and it works, because I do like this guy, even if he’s inevitably on the wrong side of history.

It’s also at this point where Johnnie COMPLETELY loses any advantage, as the men on The General have now realized that he’s the only one on the train, and start fighting back, throwing things at him and the Texas from above. Now in danger, Johnnie takes off and runs into the forest, where he hides. This, mind you, is also as Annabelle is watching from The General.

That night, he happens upon a house in enemy territory, and goes there to hide. As he does, however, a group of officers come in, and discuss their plans to ambush the Confederate soldiers, and to secure one of their bridges for their own trains. Johnnie, all the while, is hidden under a table.

Annabelle is brought in, and the men decide to hold her for now, until the deed is done and they can make other plans. However, Johnnie also hears this, and waits until the officers clear out of the house, leaving him, Annabelle, and a couple of guards. Johnnie, being a badass, knocks out the guards, put on one of their uniforms, and rescues Annabelle. The pair of them escape back into the forest, as a thunderstorm rages. They also encounter a bear in the woods, because that’s basically par for the course with these movies, it would seem.

So is a beartrap, which Annabelle briefly gets caught in (yikes), until she’s freed by Johnnie...who also gets caught in it right afterwards. Nice. With all this trouble in the dark, the two decide to hunker down in the woods. Annabelle thanks Johnnie for coming after her, even in the country of their enemy. And they reconcile as they sleep for the night. Thatnext morning, Johnnie gets his bearings, and sees The General at an encampment down below. Wearing a Union uniform, he devises a plan to get to the train, and warn the South of the Union’s plan.

He convinces Annabelle to hide in a burlap sac, which he carries with him into the encampment. Dude’s a strong guy for being as scrawny as he appears to be. He carries her over his shoulder to the train, then puts her on one of the cabins. The makes his way to the front, and surprises the few men there, pushing them off of it, and stealing back The General! Badass!!!

He gets Annabelle out of the bag and the two attempt to outrun the Union together. They block the way with telephone poles, then grab some wood from recently constructed fences in order to fuel the engine (with some humorous difficulty). The Union catches up quickly, however, and the two are forced to flee again. They dump barrels and other items on board the train onto the tracks, then attempt to replenish the water reserves for the steam locomotive (again with some humorous difficulty) before moving on.

But precious little seems to impede the train’s pursuers. Meanwhile, Annabelle makes herself busy by sweeping the train? Oh ho ho, silly women, with their cleaning and uselessness in vital combat situations! Tee hee hee, why isn’t she pregnant in the kitchen right now? Silly baby receptacles, I mean, women! 

OK, that mildly chauvinistic moment aside, the two continue speeding ahead, but then, at a moment when Johnnie gets off the train for manipulate the tracks, Annabelle winds up on The General by herself!. She reverses the train at almost EXACTLY the wrong moment, nearly causing an accident, but Johnnie’s trick with the track works, diverting the Union trains to another unfinished track. And the two gain a wider lead once again. And then...we reach the Rock River Bridge.

This is where the Union troops are meant to be meeting the trains for supplies, and a vital part of the Union’s plans in the area. Turning the tables on the Union, Johnnie sets a massive fire on the bridge, but gets trapped behind it, and is forced to jump into the river as The General moves off of it. However, he gets back up just in time, and they head out to the southern territories.

As they do, Johnnie changes uniform to a Confederate Grey, so as not to get shot at once they arrive. He warns the Confederate troops or the coming Northern invasion, and they quickly mobilize. He and Annabelle figuratively and literally dress down the commanding officer (nice), and they head out to engage the Northern Invaders! I’m sure it’ll go well for everybody involved. It’s also here that Annabelle reunites with her father, alive and healing. Johnnie, meanwhile, tries to go and help the army face the North.

Speaking of the Union, they’re STILL trying to repair the train track that Johnnie messed up. They finally succeed, and head off to the Rock River Bridge, with the Texas ahead of them. The other troops meet with them after all, and the commander insists that the bridge is in tact enough to cross the bridge. And that leads to...the most expensive scene ever shot, at least at the time.

That’s real. Are you listening to me, THAT IS 100% FUCKING REAL! BUSTER KEATON COLLAPSED A BRIDGE WITH A TRAIN ON IT FOR THIS MOVIE!!! That shit? That’s some next level shit. The Union forces, now basically fucked, try to ford the river, only for the Confederate forces to fend them off, with Johnnie’s help. The Captain, hidden on the bank, starts to pick off soldiers that Johnny’s talking to, only for Johnnie to accidentally kill him with a sword, which flies through the air to get him. Which, yeah, is funny in a macabre way. He also accidentally takes out a dam, flooding the river and fishing the Union soldiers out, forcing them into retreat! Their other supply train is disabled, and the South has won this battle! I mean, booo, but I’m happy for Johnnie, at least.

Hailed as a hero with the rest, they all return to the town, where Johnnie reunites with The General in peace. However, he’s nearly done for, as one of the soldiers, an officer that he knocked out a WHILE ago, has actually been on the train the entire time, and has only now regained consciousness. Johnnie takes him prisoner, and the general in charge of this unit is so impressed by his actions that he brings Johnnie into the army, and promotes him to lieutenant, giving him the Union officer’s sword in the process! Good for you, Johnnie! Proud of you, bud.

Now officially enlisted at last, he and Annabelle happily reunite in love, and makeout right next to The General. And then, Johnnie marches off to war for an army on the losing side of history that’s defending slavery, and in all likelihood dies in the deadliest war in American history. Probably. The movie actually ends on the kiss, but it’s the Civil War, we all know what the fuck went down.

And that’s The General! Wow. I get why Keaton was so excited about this movie; it’s a massive accomplishment in film history, and engaging and entertaining movie, and a cinematic masterpiece...that was directly responsible for eventually ending Keaton’s career.

...See you in the Review! I’ll explain the last part, I promise.

[jayus-fandom-writer]

Writing and Leaves

An AU Destiel fanfic No S15 spoilers :) Warnings: written by an asexual romantic for romantic asexuals so we got quite a bit of fluff my dudes! Besides that there is normally a bit of swearing in my fics so be ready for that if the occasion arises. (Just a sidenote is anyone elses browser acting up? I had to write this in notes and then copy and paste it in 5 parts to a DRAFT because it wouldn't let me create a new post. Fuck this but I love it too much to stop :) . Dean takes another sip of his coffee and looks out of the coffee store window. The blowing fall leaves make the empty street look even prettier than normal. Dean loves the fall. Everything about it just brings a smile to his face. When Sam asked why Dean always left the house more during the fall he'd quickly say, "Beautiful firework displays of leaves, less people running around, little kids in costumes, and free candy everywhere. What could be better?" As he hurried off with the impala. And recently he'd found the best place to write in. A small coffee shop on the edge of town. It had everything. A beautiful view, friendly managers and employees, caffine, and, most importantly, a really handsome barista who was always working whenever Dean came in. This morning had been pretty much the same as any other day. Dean had come in, said hello to the regulars, and taken his honorary seat right by the window. Since then all the other people had left, so it was just him and the workers. Dean looks over at the man who was currently making a to-go order. He wasn't quite as tall as Dean but still was quite tall compared to the average person. His uniform complimented his slim, athletic form perfectly. And his dark brown hair always looked like he had just rolled out of bed. After Dean found out this perfect being's name was Castiel, he immediantly shortened it to Cas. Cas looks over at Dean and the two make eye contact. Cas just smiles at Dean from across the room while he hands the customer his order. After a while he walks over to Dean. "Hello, Dean." Dean looks up at him, startled slightly. "Oh uh hi Cas." Cas motions to the chair next to Dean. "May I take this chair or are you waiting for someone?" Dean shakes his head. "No uh my brother never comes with me here and I don't have a boyfriend." Dean wants to punch himself. "Oh ok. Well I don't have one either so that makes two of us." Cas sits down. "My brother, that's who the creepy weirdo over there is," Cas points to a dirty blonde man who quickly scurries into the back room. "His name is Gabriel by the way. He told told me to come say hi to you. I've been wanting to for weeks but I guess I chickened out. But after he heard me memorizing your order and name he told me I better come talk to you before he did so yeah that's why I'm here." Dean smiles. "Oh well I'm glad to have your company then. I'm just writing. I'm a writer so in my free time I just like to practice. I write fanfic." Again with the talking. Dean curses under his breath. Cas laughs. "Really? I enjoy writing fanfic as well. Though being a writer is never easy. I've found myself in the situation that I want to fall in love with someone like the people in my stories fall in love with each other." Dean looks at Cas, surprised at this recent information. "Really? That's what I was telling my brother earlier!" Dean looks at his laughing face for a second before looking down at his typed story he'd been working on. "Hey Cas would you want to read this story? I've been working on it for a while and it's kind of stuck. Maybe you could help me with that?" Cas smiles. "Sure. I'd love to, Dean." Dean scoots his chair over as Cas pulls his to Dean's side of the table. Even with Dean pressed against the wall, their legs are against each other. Dean trys to keep his cool while he points out the section to Cas. The story included a scene of Sherlock threatening John against a wall. During that bit Cas's smile showed faint tints of help in laughter. And at the end he looked over at Dean, who felt like his face was on fire. "So that's what you're looking for in a relationship?" Dean shrugs. "Yeah uh I guess..." Cas turns to look at him face on. A slightly more serious tone to his face. "Well... What about me?" Dean swears his face is as red as the leaves outside. "... What about you?" Cas smiles. "What would you do if I pressed you against this wall and kissed you right here? There's no one else around right now." Dean licks his lip out of habit. "I think... I would fall in love." Cas smiles and presses Dean's wrists gently to the wall, pressing his forehead to Dean's and looking into his bright green eyes. And then softly and loving, Cas moves his face and firs their lips together. Dean feels a rush of warmth flow through him. This is what he always imagined it to be like. Dean sighs as Cas pulls away slightly. The two smile at each other again and Dean quickly leans forward and pulls Cas in my his apron strings, kissing him again and again I til both were breathless. A clapping noise startles both of them. "Haha So I WAS right Cas." Cas whips around and stares down his brother, trying to frantically regain his dignity. "I uh... Gabriel! I'm gonna beat you up... You better-" But he's cut off by Dean pulling him in again. Cas holds up a middle finger to his brother as he holds Dean close. "So Dean..." Cas says slowly, as he rests his head against the others shoulder. No customers have come in yet so Cas had been watching Dean write for the last hour. "Yes Cas?" "Was that the type of fanfic kiss you wanted?" Dean smiles, kissing Cas's hhair gently. "No Cas." Cas jerks his head up suddenly and looks up into Dean's face, obviously alarmed by this answer. "No Cas, it was much better." Cas smiles and presses a kiss to Dean's neck before lying his head back down. Dean smiles in contentment. This was by far the best fall day he had ever experienced.

[talesfromthesnogbox]

Stuck Here With you

Rating: M (Rating for explicit conversations about sex) 

Words: 3,586

Summary: Richie and Eddie are stuck quarantining themselves together... what could possibly go wrong? OR based on this tweet: "@cjkasulke: APPARENTLY you have all just been *waiting* for this moment to confess your love to your roommates, so many of you live with people you have been silently in love with for y e a r s"

Notes: This is so stupid. Yes, I wrote a quarantine fic. Yes, this whole thing is a serious matter and I am an adult who's working from home and it all sucks, and there are people dying all over the world, and I do care, but I just thought people needed a little bit of a laugh, ya know? Anyways, this is wildly out of character and not good in general, but drop a comment if you like it, or if you think I'm a horrible person, whateves.

AO3

*~*~*~*~*

Richie woke from his catnap with a startled jump as he heard the front door slam shut.

“Jesus Eds, is it 6:30 already? Did I sleep all day?” He asked with a laugh.

“No asshole, it’s noon.” Eddie slammed his briefcase on the breakfast bar and worked his tie open. “This pandemic bullshit has gotten out of control.”

“Is that why you’re home right now…”

“Yes! Jared that fucking lunatic went off and brought some girl home last weekend and now he’s got a fever, so we were all sent home, and I’m stuck in isolation.”

Eddie was pissed, but Richie could see through his thinly veiled layer of anger; there was fear.

“Oh. Do you hang around Jared a lot at work?”

He sighed. “No, no I don’t, but it’s just a precaution until he can get tested properly.”

“That’s good then, right?”

It was good. After seven full days, Eddie finally emerged from his room with a cheery smile. “Jared’s in the clear, turns out he just picked up some STD, and I get to go back into work tomorrow.” He plopped down on the couch.

“That’s great Eds, but I hate to break it to you…” Richie pointed towards the TV where the headline read “California officially shut down”.

The first few days felt like any weekend would. They had extra groceries delivered, they binged some true crime documentary on Netflix, they had a group Skype session with the Losers, they did pretty much anything that took their minds off the current situation. But then the fifth day hit.

It was only 7am when Richie dragged himself out of bed for a coffee. Sure it was early, and he had nowhere to be, but time meant nothing anymore.

Usually Richie’s clamoring about the kitchen woke Eddie up. The first few nights that Eddie moved in after Derry were rough; turns out, Eddie was a pretty light sleeper, and Richie was loud. But today, there was no Eddie in sight.

He continued on his way, pouring himself a bowl of cereal when he saw it through the window to his backyard… and promptly spilled milk all over the counter.

On the bright side, Richie had found Eddie. The only downfall was he’d found him in a pair of tiny running shorts and a tank top doing squats on his deck.

“Fuck!” Richie swore, grabbing a tea towel to clean up the mess he’d made.

“Richie?” Eddie stopped his squats and ran into the house. “What the fuck happened dickwad?”

“N-nothing, nothing happened, it’s just early and I lost my grip.”

Eddie rolled his eyes.

“So um… what’s happening in the backyard there, Jillian Michaels?” Richie giggled.

“Fuck off. I usually go to the gym before work, but now that the gym’s closed, I had to improvise.”

“Ahh, I see, trying to pick up the new future Mrs. K with…” with thighs I want to wear as earmuffs and that tight ass? He was glad there was an entire counter between them to hide the fact that he was currently at half-mast.

Eddie gave him a strange look and shook his head. “Shut the fuck up. I’m a divorced 40-year-old living with his best friend, I don’t think I’m going to be picking someone up that easily at the gym. Besides, Santa Monica women aren’t really my type…”

“Oh? Well when this is all over, I know a few places we can go pick up chicks. West Hollywood, Beverly Hills, hell even Studio City. Name your type Eds, we’ll find her.”

“Aren’t you gay? How do you know so much about picking up women?”

“Closet case my boy.” Richie winked and took a bite of his cereal. “I’m as good of an actor as I am a comedian.”

“No wonder there were never any articles about how much of a playboy you were then.” Eddie said straight-faced, walking back out to finish his work out.

“Eds gets off a good one!”

*~*~*~*~*

After that eventful morning, Richie tried his hardest to stay in bed until after Eddie’s morning routine was done. One almost-embarrassing situation in his pants was enough to last a lifetime around his best friend of however-many years, he did not need it to escalate from there.

As the days passed on, the two of them found ways to entertain themselves. Eddie took to reading on the deck in the mild April weather, and Richie decided to pick up his guitar again for the first time in years.

He was a little rusty, but after a few hours of practice, it was like riding a bike, and before he knew it, he was back playing the tune he’d spent hours playing as a teenager.

Richie hummed along to the tune of “Eddie My Love” as his fingers formed the familiar chords with ease. He didn’t even realize Eddie walking in from the backyard, a stunned look on his face.

“Rich?” He jumped, startled at the sound of the other man.

“Hey Eds, sorry was I being loud?”

“N-no.” He shook his head. “I didn’t know you played.”

Richie chuckled. “Yeah, I picked it up in high school after Went agreed to teach me a bit. I was in a band in college, but we kinda sucked.”

Eddie scoffed. “You don’t suck, that tune is lovely. What is it?”

Richie’s face felt hot all the sudden. “Uhh, I can’t really remember the name, just something I used to play a bunch. It’s an oldie my mom really liked.”

“Can you teach me?”

His eyes widened. “Y-yeah, here, come sit.” He moved more away from the body and more towards the neck of his acoustic, allowing Eddie to sit nestled between his folded legs. “Okay, um so you hold it like this, and your fingers go here.” Richie curled Eddie’s fingers around the neck of the guitar, placing them in the correct spots on the frets. “So we start with a G chord.” His other arm snaked around Eddie’s shoulder to show him how to strum the chord.

Eddie shivered, completely engulfed by his best friend, noticing for the first time how much he loved his arms being wrapped around him like this.

“Then we move to an E minor.” Richie shifted Eddie’s fingers again and strummed. “Then A minor, and up to D.”

Eddie moved his fingers, pliant beneath Richie’s big hand. His heart beat fast, and he could feel Richie’s breath warm on his shoulder as he played.

For a moment, Eddie could convince himself that Richie felt the same way about him, but only for a moment. They were best friends, and just because Richie was gay, it didn’t mean he was interested in Eddie, no matter how hard he wished that he was. He would never have Richie, but he’d always have this moment.

*~*~*~*~*

“Alright, that’s it. We’re getting drunk.” Richie pulled out a rather large bottle of vodka and a few other spirits. “I’m mixing you up a quarantini.”

“A what now?”

“Quarantini, Eds. We’re getting shitfaced.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Rich, there’s no way in hell I’d—” he paused. Maybe this was the perfect way to come on to Richie. Lowered inhibitions were a great excuse to do something potentially stupid, and if it all went sour, he could blame it on the alcohol. “You know what, fuck it. Mix me a quarantini.”

“That’s the spirit!” He mixed the drinks and dragged Eddie over to the couch. “Alright, we’re indulging tonight. I want not a peep from you. I never got to do any of this gay shit before, and now is the perfect excuse to start a new series. We’re watching RuPaul’s Drag Race.”

Eddie nodded his head. “Drag racing, okay cool, I like cars.”

Richie burst out laughing. “No asshole, drag race… like drag queens.” He popped on a random season and hit play.

Four episodes and many quarantinis later, both Eddie and Richie were yelling at the TV.

“How could they send April home, she’s like the hottest one there!” Eddie put his hands up.

“Right? Look at how hot he is ugh I just wanna…” Eddie glanced over at Richie with a smirk. “Shut up.”

“No, no, I see it.” He pulled out his phone, April’s instagram profile already loaded. “The scruff is driving me mental.”

Richie chuckled. “Eds, that sounds kinda gay.”

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock.” Eddie said, face heating up. “Um, surprise?”

“Oh… shit dude, yeah, um, congratulations. Thanks for telling me.” Richie brought his friend into a tight hug, the alcohol running through his system making him feel a little light headed.

“Thanks for being cool about it.” Eddie mumbled, pulling away a bit, but still resting within Richie’s grasp.

“Hey man, I get it… I’m a closet case too.” He laughed.

The two were silent for a moment, content in each other’s grasp, until Eddie couldn’t handle the silence anymore. “Come on, next episode. I hope Laganja gets booted, I can’t stand her.”

Many episodes and quarantinis later, Eddie was fully shitfaced.

“Come on, bedtime for Eds.”

Eddie giggled. “Yeah Rich, take me to bed.” He waggled his eyebrows in a way that made Richie’s heart stutter.

“Alright, alright, that’s enough from you.” Richie deposited Eddie onto the bed, helping him with his shirt, when Eddie pulled him down hard.

“Oops, sorry Rich.” He giggled. “’s not my fault, you’re trying to get me out of my clothessss.”

“You’re wearing jeans, I can’t let you go to bed in jeans Eddie. What kind of asshole wears jeans in quarantine.” Richie giggles, undoing Eddie’s zip and pulling his jeans down his hairless legs. Fuck, his legs are amazing. “Eds, do you wax?” Richie giggled, rubbing a hand up his thigh.

“Pffftt, we’re in isolation shithead, I haven’t been to my wax girl in weeks.”

A jubilant laugh bubbled from Richie’s chest. “Shit, I’ve learned more about you tonight than I have in all the years I’ve known you. You really are a twunk.”

“A what now?”

Richie planted himself down on the bed beside Eddie. “Twunk, hunky twink.”

A look of realization dawned on Eddie. “Ohhhh, that makes a lot of sense. The dude at the checkout told me I was a twunk when I went to buy those underwear without the butt.”

Richie’s brain went blank. “Eddie, do you wear thongs?”

“No asshole, the other thing without the butt. Jock something, I can’t remember.”

“A jockstrap? Eddie are you trying to kill me right now?”

“Shut the fuck up asshole! They’re good for working out in. And they don’t give me lines in my nice suit pants.” Richie was speechless. “So if I’m a twunk, what are you?”

“I—I—I think it’s time for bed.”

“Oh.” Eddie said sounding dejected. “O-or we could just hang out?”

Richie was at an impasse. He knew they were walking a thin line right now, and he shouldn’t stay, but he wanted to see where this would take him, he didn’t want to leave Eddie’s side.

“I think I could hang out for a bit.”

Their “hanging out” didn’t last very long. Within ten minutes, the two men were out cold.

Richie woke up first the next morning and left the soundly sleeping Eddie to go make a pot of coffee. His head was pounding, and as much as he knew the bright sunlight was going to burn his eyes, the fresh air couldn’t hurt.

He’d never been more thankful for his manager who also happened to be a fantastic decorator. The outdoor couch may have seemed stupid to him when he first bought the place, but at times like this, it was a great choice. He could relax, and look out towards the ocean, and forget everything that happened the night before.

That is until Eddie decided to join him.

Richie’s breath left his lungs once he got a good look at his friend. It was like a blast from the past seeing him in a pair of tiny red running shorts, much like those he wore when he was a kid, but now… now they were so much more. Richie’s mouth watered when his eyes caught a good look at how Eddie’s ass filled out the shorts. A large tank top donned his torso, one that Richie had been gifted, and definitely not been too comfortable wearing himself judging by how low cut the arm holes were. He looked hot, not that he wasn’t always attracted to Eddie, but this felt like something had changed, a sexual awakening of sorts, and Richie would never look at his friend the same way.

“Fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever been so hungover.” Eddie complained as he sat beside Richie. “That stupid drink went down like water.”

“Yeah man I hear you, I feel like shit.”

“I had fun though, it’s been a long time since I’ve had that much fun.”

Richie looked over to him. “No regrets about spilling your guts then?”

Eddie winced. “Okay, maybe you didn’t have to hear about what kind of underwear I prefer.”

Richie burst out laughing. “No, I definitely appreciated that tidbit of information, Eds. I’m proud that my twunk theory was right.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck me yourself you coward.” Richie mumbled to himself.

“Sorry, what was that?”

“N-nothing.” He said, darting inside. “Going to work on my new show, I’ll see you in a bit.”

Richie had to get out of there. Last night was a lot, sure, but something felt different today. Seeing Eddie in his boxer briefs felt almost safer than whatever the hell he was wearing today. It’s almost like… almost like he’d purposely dressed up for Richie, and it was killing him. He didn’t know how much more he could take before he combusted.

Unfortunately for Richie, this new look seemed to be Eddie’s new uniform. Richie could tell that now Eddie was out to him, he felt more comfortable being himself, but Richie hated every second of it.

He dreaded seeing Eddie in the morning, dreaded knowing what fresh hell lay beyond his bedroom door in the form of a 5’9 firey bundle of sex personified.

Nearly a month into their quarantine, it was finally warm enough for Richie to sit out by the pool. He donned the brightest swim trunks he could find and rubbed his pale skin down with sunscreen, soaking up some vitamin D.

He’d been out there for just under an hour when he heard (and felt) a splash from the pool where Eddie jumped in.

“Okay, I take back everything bad I ever said about you having a pool when the ocean is right there. The pool is definitely more relaxing than the beach.”

Richie giggled. “I told you, asshole.”

“Oh, and I totally figured out what you are now. If I’m a twunk, you’re an otter.”

“A what now?” Richie removed his sunglasses and moved to sit on the edge of the pool.

“An otter.” Eddie rested his elbows on Richie’s thighs as his calves framed his torso. “At least that’s what I think. It’s like a softer bear. You’re not quite as big and not enough hair to be a bear, and you’re still too thin to be a cub, so you’re an otter.”

“I understood exactly none of what you said except for ‘bear’. I met a bear on Grindr just before Derry that made me realize I like being the bigger body in bed.” Richie winked saucily.

“So you’re a top then Trashmouth?”

Richie’s brows rose into his hairline. “I—I—we are not talking about this right now, not when you’re this close to my dick.”

“Oh come on, you used to talk about your dick all the time.”

“Yeah, I was a closeted kid who’s balls hadn’t dropped yet, obviously I wanted to come off as heterosexual as I could.”

Eddie laughed. “Okay, good point.”

The two sat in the same position for a few minutes, exchanging no words between them. It felt intimate, it felt like Eddie was flirting with him, but he’d never been good at picking up signs. Could Eddie want this too?

“I am though.” He said quietly, finally breaking the silence.

“You’re what?”

Richie’s heart thudded in his chest. “A top, I guess. I don’t mind bottoming, I like it, but I guess I just…”

Eddie grinned. “You like being in charge?”

“No, fuck no.” Richie laughed.

“Really? Huh, okay.” Eddie nodded, mostly to himself.

“Hey, what the fuck does that mean?”

“Nothing, nothing at all Tozier.” Eddie pushed off of Richie’s legs and floated on his back towards the inflatable lounger.

*~*~*~*~*

The week that followed was agonizing. All Eddie wore was those stupid shorts and a variation of t-shirt/tank-top/fucking crop top, and it was driving Richie mental. He felt like a teenager again, he’d never had so many hard-ons in one week in his life.

It was only a matter of time before Richie snapped.

Richie was descending the stairs from his room one fateful morning and groaned rather loudly when he saw what was waiting for him.

The shorts seemed shorter, tighter on his ass (damn all those squats he does) and his already short shirt seemed to rise up, showing the lovely dimples on his lower back as he reached for a bowl from a high shelf.

“Hey Rich, can you help me… what’s wrong?”

He huffed out a laugh. “What’s wrong? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Wh—did I do something?”

Richie stared at Eddie in disbelief. “Did you… did you do someth—the shorts man, what’s with the shorts!”

“The shorts? I always wear the shorts.”

“I fucking know you always wear the shorts, that’s the problem!” Richie’s stomach rolled. He thought he was going to throw up, he’d never been this candid about his feelings in his life.

“You have a problem with the way I dress? Fuck you, dude.”

“Fuck me yourself you coward!”

Both men fell silent. The tension could be cut with a knife, it was so thick between them.

“Richie?”

“Fuck man, I’m sorry I freaked out on you like that, I just don’t know if I can take this anymore. We’ve been cooped up for a month and I swear I’ve done more jacking off in the last month than I ever did as a teenager.” As good as it felt to spill his guts, he definitely thought he was going to pass out any second.

“I—I don’t…”

“The worst part is, it’s not even just that I’m horny. It’s you! Shit man, I’ve been dreaming of you since we were fucking teenagers. And now… now here you are looking like a goddamn… a goddamn what’s the word… a goddamn snack, telling me shit about the sexy underwear you buy, and asking me if I’m a top. Eddie, I don’t know if you’re flirting with me or not, but Jesus fucking Christ, it’s taking every single fiber of my willpower to not rip your clothes off right now.”

Eddie held back a smile. “Wait, I’m sorry, what? You couldn’t tell I was flirting with you? Are you fucking blind? Actually don’t answer that, I know you’re fucking blind.”

Richie was sure he was gonna get a nosebleed any second. “S-so you were flirting with me?”

Eddie laughed out loud. “Yes you idiot! Literally since the moment I got here, I have been flirting with you. You didn’t get the hint that I have feelings for you?”

“What the fuck, no man! Like you said, I’m fucking blind. I thought you were straight until a few weeks ago!”

Eddie moved to lean against the island, closer to Richie. “You dumbass, I tried so hard the night I came out to you, why do you think I told you about what fucking underwear I wear?”

“I don’t know man, I’m not good at this shit.”

“Clearly!”

Richie cast his eyes down. “S-so, so you really like me?”

Eddie reached for his hand and interlaced their fingers. He pulled Richie closer to him, so he was pinned between Richie and the island. “I love you, dickwad.”

Richie huffed out a laugh. “I love you too.” He blinked rapidly, looking up towards the light. “Oh god, why am I crying.”

“Get over here you big baby.” Eddie detangled his fingers from Richie’s and brought his hand up to the other man’s cheek, bringing him in for a kiss. It was sweet, it was chaste, it was everything Richie wanted from Eddie when they were younger.

But he wasn’t a teenager, and he wanted more.

He dove forward, tongue clashing with Eddie’s. It was hot, it was toe curling good. He snaked his other hand down Eddie’s side, curling around his hip and moving to squeeze his ass. Eddie groaned and ground himself into Richie’s thigh.

“Fuck.” Richie said pulling away. “Fuck, how are you so hot? We’re fucking forty man.”

“Me? Dude, look at you. Your arms… your chest…” Eddie snaked his hand under Richie’s shirt, scratching at the smattering of hair on his pecs.

“Jesus man, I’m not gonna last… fuck… bedroom?”

“Bedroom.”

*~*~*~*~*

The two men finally emerged from Richie’s bedroom for dinner later on with kiss bruised lips and satisfaction plastered on their faces.

“Anything good on?” Eddie asked as Richie turned on the TV. “Rich?”

Richie laughed. “You better come see this.”

“QUARANTINE LIFTED” The headline read as news anchors happily recounted the fall in new cases, and the rise in recoveries.

“You’re fucking joking.”

[superlockatrocity]

turtle said they’re fine with me starting sherlock without them so here i go :} S1EP1 of BBC Sherlock, a study in pink livewatch:

oh flashbacks! fun. why is my screen so dark

that’s kind of a sparse apartment you got there ― oh hi therapist lady my blog is going very well thank you for asking. why is your office so Big?

“i never get cabs!” ah. time to eat the ric ― pill?? spasming??? why are we focusing on the lady he was having an affair with. hello random people in the rain you are wimps rain is lovely why are you also taking a pill? oh. oh you Assholes why’d you take her keys?? you dipshits she needs those! i know you shouldn’t drive while you’re drunk but we don’t know that she is! aaaa!! see? now she’s taken that weird pill too!

everyone’s phone beeped with a text message saying “wrong”. i remember that this is sherlock texting them so 1) how did he get that text sent to all the people in that room? 2) why is no one reacting to this beyond “oh a text”? seriously this happens twice within the span of a minute and no one thinks that’s weird? 3) how is sherlock reacting in real time to this? is he there? if he’s watching it through a live news report, wouldn’t there still be at least a bit of lag with the camera feed and whatever he’s watching it on?

“well, don’t commit suicide” jesus shit, lestrade, fuck you too. 

this is the third time that everyone’s gotten the exact same text! why is no one mentioning how weird that is!

oh, lestrade doesn’t know how sherlock got the numbers either. alright cool

“i knew him, he was nice : )” “cool lemme just desecrate his fresh corpse in front of you” “ok! this somehow does not lessen my crush on you!“    oh gods i feel so sorry for this woman.

“i play the violin when i’m thinking and sometimes i don’t talk for days on end” oh my ― if sherlock were not such a great stickbug of an asshole i’d love to be a flatmate with him. he can even keep the skull! but no! he’s got to be an enormous string of eloquent flatulence!

this isn’t anything to do with the show, but my dad brought home fried chicken and i just got such a strong sudden aftertaste of it that i couldn’t focus on fuckin anything what’s going on now? oh text messages sent okie

ah! another person taking that pill! hot damn she got shaky fuckin hands

das a lotta boxes. sherlock, did you ever learn how to clean up after yourself? like, properly?

“there’s another bedroom upstairs, if you’ll be needing two bedrooms” ok so . . . . either there’s something about john that makes mrs. hudson think “oh he Gay” or there’s something about sherlock’s behaviour that leads her to believe sherlock bringing a man home means a romantic and/or sexual relationship. like, this is the first episode. we’re fourteen minutes in. this is the first instance of someone mentioning/bringing up john and sherlock being together in some way ― the first episode. jesus.

why is it dark now? how far away are they from . . . . uh. wherever lestrade said the thing was?

“the police don’t consult amateurs” FHRUIGHIRHG THAT LOOK IS SO OFFENDED “yeah no SHIT they don’t consult amateurs nimrod the fuck do you think i am? ‘amateurs’, sure.” oh there’s that chicken taste again don’t like that

“you never see those marks on a sober man’s phone, never see a drunk’s without them” yeah my wholly-sober-blind-around-the-edges-shaky-hands-having-ass self would beg to differ.

alright. in all honesty, sherlock’s reaction to john’s “that . . . was amazing” is kind of endearing. he pauses for a moment, as if to give john time to take it back, then asks “really?” just to make doubly sure. this says that no one has ever reacted like that before to his analyzing ― well, anything. or if they have, they’ve been few and far between.

yeup, that’s a dead body. actually, that’s a. really tidy dead body? like, the others were curled up or something and she’s just. plap flat on her face. s’weird.

i mean i didn’t really see any difference between her ring and the rest of her jewellery (disregard my being blind ‘round the edges for a moment thank you) so you don’t think she could’ve. y’know, fiddled with her ring all the time? it’s what i do with mine ― in fact i’ve fiddled with it so much the resin came off, so.

“PINK!”

aaand john is left to make his way home by himself. nice, sherlock.

“he’s not paid or anything” wait so. sherlock WHERE are you getting whatever amounts of money you have from. sir?? do you. are you still getting an allowance??? sir? hello?? like i get that y’ain’t too well off given you’re looking for a flatmate to share the rent with, but if you’re not being paid for literally the ONLY thing you do professionally then how the fuck are you managing your finances?

“’cause he’s a psychopath!” ahhh. we love ableism in this house :)    okay yeah so one instance of iffy language isn’t this huge indication of ableism, but it really doesn’t sit well with me that sherlock is called a psychopath just for being an observant asshole

“i’m watching you through street surveillance cameras! no, this isn’t creepy and invasive :) i don’t know what you’re talking about! aren’t i cool and mysterious?”

hot diggity damn this car ride is awkward and i am uncomfortable hahahaha :)))

“and since yesterday you’ve moved in with him and now you’re solving crimes together. might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?” ok that’s the SECOND character ― still within the first episode ― to comment on how close john and sherlock are, and he’s doing it while making note of how weird it is that they meshed so quickly! and the way he says “do you plan to continue your association with sherlock holmes” fuckin sounds like a shovel talk.

YOU SNITCHED HIS THERAPIST’S NOTES??????

hhhhh more awkward car rides help me

i thought you did violin playing when you were thinking? why the nicotine. i ― sherlock you are such a little shit.

“a friend??” “an enemy” “oh, yeah that makes way more sense. i got multiple, d’you know which one it was?” “the. the dramatic one.” “well that narrows it down.”

oh jesus fuck my neighbors are getting physically loud now i’m concerned

jesus sherlock CHILL. people can’t type that fast on a phone alright? yeesh

hey what the fuck did you just step on dude

i ― SHOES ON THE FURNITURE. SHAME. SHAME, SHERLOCK, GET YOUR SHOES OFF THE FURNITURE YOU UNCIVILIZED UNCULTURED FOULMANNERED HEATHEN. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

wh ― no mrs. hudson! why’d you take the skull? was good skull. listened well. why you take it. Q_Q

“disappeared from busy streets” i mean technically one of them disappeared from an empty street but you can’t know that so.

aaa! *pointing aggressively* aaaaaa!! that’s the third person to think there’s something going on between john and sherlock, he’s just the only person to be so blatant about it!    and then. and then. john himself brings up the idea of sherlock having a male partner ― and sherlock doesn’t actually deny being attracted to men, he just sort of looks over like “my attention’s been caught what is it” ― and then talks about the both of them being single. and then sherlock taKES THIS AS AN ATTEMPT AT FLIRTING.

okay i. i have to separate this into parts i’m only halfway through the episode and i’m exhausted. gonna take a break (hopefully tune out my neighbors’ drunken screaming) and come back with the rest of this in a reblog. see y’all later.

―mod mouse

[made-with-magic]

Are you bored in quarantine as well?

well that’s tuff

no but seriously here are some things you can watch/read/listen too. Featuring my terrible summaries of them as I try to explain them without ships

Netflix

Avatar, obviously what are you doing, what do you mean you’ve never watched this cultural cornerstone- an animated show about people who can control elements and the avatar is a 12 who has to save the world by learning to bend all of the elements 

Any/all of the john Mulaney specials because we respect our proud asian american woman in this house- a comedian tells iconic jokes

haikuyu. -volleyball anime

Sherlock- tv show about a detective and his cases and his friend who the whole fandom ships him with but its not the main basis of the show

Good Place-a funny show but it also somehow teaches you philosophy, basically its about these humans and their journey in the afterlife

Lucifer, we stan Lucy-about lucifer coming to earth and just vibing but no one really believes him when he says hes literally the devil

Merlin because HOW COULD THEY END IT LIKE THAT HOW DARE THEY- a show about merlin protecting aurther in camelot with his magic even though magic is outlawed

Witcher, a fantasy show you may need to watch twice because the timeline is a little confusing.-a fantasy setting based off of a book

Umbrella academy, klaus is our child and we will fite anyone who says otherwise-some kids were randomly born with superpowers and an extra billionaire bought them and its about the kids stopping the apocalypse

troll hunters, a show about a kid who basically has to save the world so many times, and GREAT animations like 10/10 animations 

3below, a show that takes place in the same town as troll hunters but its about these alien refugees and its also good, we stan steve and eli

Miraculous Ladybug merely because the fandom is funny to me-highschoolers become superheros and the guy likes the super hero girl but the girl likes the civilian identity of the boy but neither of them no each others identities

Carmen sandiego because I LOVE gray for no reason like i cant explain- a kids show about a girl who was raised by theives who then learned they were evil so she steals from them and returns the items but the people investigating her still think shes a villian

stranger things, again, WHY HAVENT YOU WATCHED THIS- a show about scientist fucking up and this group f kids have to keep fixing it

Hulu

my hero acedemia- everyone has powers whoo and theres a h=whole society built around these powers and its centered around this highschool kid whos going to highschool to become a power and theres a whole things i cant really explain just watch it

brooklyn 99, its literally one of the best shows ever just saying- about detectives but its funny but also deals with serious stuff sometimes

Orville-its basically if star trek and those ‘humans are space orcs/australians’ was a tv show

the rookie- a more serious cop show, good show

mythbusters, mostly as a background show- a couple of scientist do fun expirements (dont try at home, try at a friends house) and they bust or prove myths

other

Critical role!!!!!! its so good, and its reaalllyy long which is nice during quarentine-its a dnd campagn but you dont really need to know much about dnd to enjoy, its about a group of adventurers with great backgrounds played by voice actors just playing dnd and its fun

good omens-an angel and demon try their best to save the world, but also they are a married couple (not the main point, very background)

Psych, it doesnt get NEARLY as much love as it should-a show about a dude who has teh mental abilities of sherlock, but funny and not a robot who prenteds to be a phycic and works with the police department with his best friend gus 

Books (first 3 on audible, where I listen while drawing. you can get one of those free trials from anyone from youtube and you get to keep the book even if you cancel the subscription)

Mistborn by Brandon sanderson- some people have powers when they burn metals and can do cool thing. this takes place in fantasy-esque time where the bad guy already one hundereds of years ago and a group of thieves over throw the ruler ~500 pages ish

Alloy of law by Brandon sanderson-a series that takes place hundereds of years after mistborn and now they have guns and its the wild west. dont read before mistborn unless you dont mind spoilers for the first series ~400 pages each

Name of the wind by Patrick Rothfuss- its the first part of a trilogy (thrid book not out yet) it follows the life of a legend from his point of view and its also fantasy esque. ive read them 3 times ~900 pages

spy school series by Start gibbs- kids go to spy school, main character keeps thwarting the bad guys despite everyones confusion. long books not like the books from book fair that are like 100 pages long, actual story happens in these ~300 words

Ill gladly talk IN LENGTH about basically any of these so i guess this is also a small version of my fandom list?