#incorrect cql quotes

[elvencantation]

Wei Ying: my fetish is saying some incredibly stupid shit and watching Lan Zhan speedrun the five stages of grief as he realizes with horror that he still wants to fuck me

[incorrect-web-novels]

Nie Mingjue: NONSENSE! The Nie Sect doesn't even know the meaning of the word "surrender"!

Nie Huaisang: But we're willing to learn!

[twenty-orange-balloons]

Wei Wuxian: Lan Zhan, I need you to attend a wedding with me.

Lan Zhan: Mn.

Wei Wuxian, wide-eyed surprise: Really? Wow, I didn't think you'd agree! *runs off to find his sister* Jie! Lan Zhan said yes! We're getting married!

Lan Zhan:*mental record scratch*

[clementinecoastline]

Lan Jingyi: Irregardless -

Ouyang Zizhen: Regardless.

Lan Jingyi: What?

Jin Ling: It's 'regardless,' not 'irregardless,' dumbass.

Lan Sizhui: There's no need for things to become heated, language is variable and ever-changi

[theineffableoystercatcher]

Wei Wuxian: I want to wake up with you every day for the rest of our lives Lan Wangji: I wake up at 5am Wei Wuxian: Wei Wuxian: I want to see you at some point every day for the rest of our lives

[nixster627]

Wei Wuxian: What's your type?

Lan Wangji: Kind, smart and also dumb, brave, a good fighter.

Wei Wuxian: That kinda sounds like me. Too bad I'm not a woman.

Lan Wangji: Did I mention dumb?

Wei Wuxian: Yes.

Lan Wangji: Good. Just making sure.

[wangxian-the-zhijis]

Lwj: *softly* ouch…

Wwx: What happened?!

Lwj: Nothing. I just nicked my finger while cleaning Bichen.

Wwx: Aw, here. *kisses his finger*

Lwj: What’s that for?

Wwx: Shijie does that to me! It’s supposed to make you feel better!

—Later—

Lwj: Brother, may I ask you to please punch me in the mouth?

Lxc: … Brother???

Jwy: Can I volunteer?

(Insp.)

[mxtx-incorrect-quotes]

Lan Xichen: Do you mind if I slyly mention that you’re single?

Lan Wangji: Do not do that.

Lan Xichen: You won’t even notice!

Wei Wuxian, entering: Zewu-Jun, you wanted to see me again?

Lan Xichen: Wangji's single

Lan Wangji:

[darkandstormyart]

me?? using jokes to cope with canon events that still hurt??? it's more likely than you think!

[wangxianslillotus]

Lwj: I will but in ways you don't yet know

[insanusnavicularis]

Lan Wangji, suspicious: what’s that?

Wei Wuxian with a box of pocky: the pocky game, Lan Zhan!

Lan Wangji: …what.

Wei Wuxian, putting the pocky in his mouth: now you bite!

Lan Wangji: …

Wei Wuxian: …

Wei Wuxian, flustered: I meant the pocky, Lan Zhan.

Lan Wangji, who just bit wwx’s cheek: apologizes, I got confused.

Jiang Cheng, who just witnessed everything: for fucks sake

[jaggedcliffs]

This is exactly 100% the very accurate dialogue the script-writers had in mind when they wrote this scene.

Image description under the cut.

Narration, as Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng come across Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen in the Unclean Realm in Episode 21: Just a normal encounter during the Sunshot Campaign...

Wei Wuxian, looking alarmed: oh no, my ex! who hates my new cultivation! who I also never began dating in the first place. can you break up with someone if you were never technically a couple?

Lan Xichen, looking at Lan Wangji with concern: I’m guessing you two are still on the outs...?

Lan Wangji, staring angrily ahead: No. There is nothing wrong. I am feeling nothing. This is my feeling nothing face.

Lan Xichen, now looking ahead with concern: ...alright, if you say so.

Jiang Cheng, looking at Wei Wuxian with concern: So, uh, you guys still going through a rough patch, huh?

Wei Wuxian, putting on a smile: Actually I am not bothered by this whatsoever. I am, in fact, very happy and normal and will say hello like a normal, untraumatized person whose crush isn’t rejecting him.

Narration, as the two parties come close and bow: *polite, normal bowing*

Wei Wuxian, looking at Lan Wangji: *YEARNS at Lan Zhan*

Lan Wangji, meeting Wei Wuxian’s eyes: *no yearning. no talking. still angry*

Wei Wuxian, looking to the side, somewhat hurt: oh. oh alright, cool cool cool 

Wei Wuxian, covering it up with a stiff smile as he nods at Lan Xichen: anyway, nice seeing ya Zewu-jun

Wei Wuxian, walking fast past Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji: completely unrelatedly, time to go.

Jiang Cheng, looking up after Wei Wuxian in alarm: Wait, what? Really?

Jiang Cheng, also walking fast past Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen: Shit, I’m out too, then

Lan Wangji, turning around to stare at an off-screen Wei Wuxian: *YEARNS where Wei Ying cannot see*

Lan Xichen, also turning around to stare at the off-screen Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng: Well...that sure was something.

[incorrect-web-novels]

Lan Xichen: Wangji, I love and support you.

Lan Xichen: But you're unwell about this man.

(Source)

[insanefiercecorpse]

Wen Ning : hi, do you take walk-ins?

the morgue : what

Wei Wuxian : do you do take-outs?

the morgue : WHAT

[theineffableoystercatcher]

Lan Wangji: I know you snuck out last night, Wei Ying. Nie Huaisang, whispering: Play dumb! Wei Wuxian: Who's Wei Ying? Nie Huaisang: NOT THAT DUMB!

[nixster627]

Jiang Cheng: Are you in love with Lan Wangji?

Wei Wuxian: No. Why do you ask?

Jiang Cheng: Why else would there be "LZ+WY" in hearts everywhere?

Wei Wuxian: I just like the way those letters look together.