#industrial clothes dryer

[cidnangarlond]

the AC in my house has not been working the inside temp kept fluctuating between 73-75 but how it's 78 inside and it's 76 outside w a nice breeze and no humidity how about I die actually

[avonengineering]

What Is Hydro Extractor?

About Hydro Extractor

A hydro extractor in the laundry and textile industries removes excess water from fabrics and materials after washing by spinning them at high speeds. It uses centrifugal force to expel water efficiently, thereby speeding up drying times and reducing energy costs.

What is the use of Hydro Extractor?

A hydro extractor removes excess water from fabrics or materials after washing by spinning them at high speeds, using centrifugal force to expel water efficiently. It spins rapidly to create centrifugal force, forcing water out of the items, which accelerates drying and reduces drying time in laundry and textile industries. This helps improve efficiency and reduce energy costs associated with drying processes.

You

How to Use Hydro Extractor

Using a hydro extractor typically involves the following steps:

Loading: Place the wet clothes or materials into the drum of it. Ensure that the load is balanced to prevent excessive vibrations during operation.

Closing and Securing: Close the lid or door of it securely. Most machines have safety features that prevent operation if the lid is not properly closed.

Setting Parameters: Set the desired spin speed and time on the control panel of it. The spin speed can vary depending on the type of material and the level of moisture you want to extract.

Starting: Start it using the controls provided. The machine will begin spinning rapidly, creating centrifugal force that pushes water out of the materials.

Monitoring: Monitor the operation to ensure everything is running smoothly. Some hydro extractors have automatic timers that will stop the machine once the preset time has elapsed.

Unloading: Once the cycle is complete and the machine has stopped, open the lid or door carefully. Remove the now partially dried materials from the drum.

Unloading: Once the cycle is complete and the machine has stopped, open the lid or door carefully. Remove the now partially dried materials from the drum. @avonengineering

Final Drying: Depending on the level of moisture remaining in the materials, you may further dry them using a tumble dryer or hang them for air drying.

Maintenance: Regularly clean and maintain the hydro extractor according to the manufacturer's instructions to ensure optimal performance and longevity

[andypantsx3]

LOADS OF FUN : TODOROKI x READER

SUMMARY: After moving into your first apartment together, Shouto seems more amorous than ever. You're not sure why—but when he comes home to you doing a load of laundry, more than your clothes are about to get tumbled. TAGS/WARNINGS: nsft (18+ only, minors please dni!), pro hero au, gn + afab reader, established relationship, fluff, emotional sex, table sex, cunnilingus, the shouto domesticity kink agenda goes absolutely crazy in this one lol (2.8k) NOTES: This piece is part of my pretty boy summer Shouto x Reader collab! Please go check out the other incredible fics people have written over the course of the summer; you will absolutely die over how good they are. This fic was also made possible through donations to the Fics for Gaza project. I cannot thank everyone who donated to one of the charities enough, as well as those who organized, reblogged, discussed, and got the word out. Lastly, I am so grateful for your immeasurable patience with me as I take time between fics to manage my workload, I hope I'm not too out of practice here lol. In summary: thank you, thank you, a million times thank you.

The sound of the door opening was hidden in the thump and glug of the washing machine starting its spin cycle.

Halfway across the house, you were oblivious—you had the clean laundry spread out on the kitchen table, hunting through the pile trying to match one of Shouto’s socks to another that seemed to have vanished into that mysterious void which opens somewhere between the laundry basket and the dryer. One of his shirts was half-folded over your shoulder, abandoned in favor of the sock search.

The rest of your things were still mostly tangled together on the table, warm and fresh and cottony, the few shirts you’d already folded sagging off the kitchen chairs.

It still gave you a little thrill—even several weeks after you’d moved in together—to see Shouto’s things twined up with yours—his enormous socks dwarfing yours, your sweaters clinging to the occasional piece of his hero suit that hadn’t seen enough action to need his agency’s industrial cleaners.

It all added to your sense of satisfaction with your afternoon—a frosty weekend day you’d spent cozy indoors, moving slowly and leisurely through some chores. A pot of soup simmered on the stove, and your favorite playlist worked itself through in lazy loops. Shouto was due off his rotation soon, and you hummed contentedly to yourself, entertaining pleased little fantasies of curling up with him for the rest of the weekend.

Which of course is when something moved in the corner of your eye. Your hum sawed up into a strangled screech, and you whipped around, flailing. Shouto’s sock launched itself full force at the intruder before you even registered you’d thrown it. In your shock, your leg caught against the table and you went stumbling—

—right into a pair of warm hands that caught you about the waist.

Your hands were on the man’s shoulders to push him off before you realized you recognized the touch—and that you’d caught sight of a distinct mop of scarlet and white hair as you’d whipped around.

“Shouto! Again?” you scolded reflexively, even as your heartbeat stuttered out of its wild kick into high gear. You tipped your head back to stare your boyfriend in the face, shoulders slumping in relief, letting him take some of your weight.

Shouto peered down at you, that tiny scrunch between his brows that indicated concern. “Are you alright, love?”

Your heartbeat pounded thunderously in your chest. “I’m—fine. But my god we need to get you a bell. I almost peed.”

Shouto’s mouth shifted minutely into something that might not have registered in anyone else’s face but was most definitely a regretful downturn on his. He looked even more unfairly beautiful than when he’d left you this morning—a little flushed and windswept from the unseasonable cold, that full mouth pink and pretty.

Your mind flicked momentarily off and back on like a circuit breaker, the way it always did when you had to process Shouto.

You’d understood he was once-in-a-generation levels of beautiful before you’d even met him, his face staring up at you from the glossy pages of various tabloids over the years. But in person, even after years of knowing him and several more dating him, Shouto’s appearance still managed to cross all the wires in a person’s brain. His features were an incomprehensible blend of aloof and elegant, sensual and warm—like a cold masterpiece of a marble sculpture had suddenly found himself with a consciousness and human desires and miles of warm skin.

“I did not mean to startle you,” he said, his voice low and warm. He sounded sincerely regretful.

You knew he hadn’t meant to—you’d long suspected his silent tread was habitually ingrained in him from years of hero work. And, in your most private and ungenerous thoughts, you suspected from years of making himself unobtrusive in his father’s home. The thought sat sour in your mouth, like a slice of pickled lemon.

You resisted making an equally sour face, shoving the thought away to make space for the reflexive flush of pleasure seeing Shouto always brought you.

“Welcome home, Sho,” you said instead, smiling up at him. Shouto’s hands moved on your waist, sliding gently beneath the hem of your tee-shirt to rest on the skin there.

He was still in his hero uniform, and as usual you felt a little goofy in comparison, in nothing but a tee and a well-loved pair of fraying sweatpants, which were this afternoon decorated with little flecks of soup from a brush with the pot.

But Shouto’s eyes were warm where they rested on you, and that perfect mouth crept back into a contented set. His long fingers smoothed over your skin as he watched you, thumb brushing your hip. He did not look like he found you at all goofy.

In fact, as his eyes dropped down to your ankles, slowly dragging back up to your face, you rather thought he looked a little appreciative. He even took a rather ungentlemanly step back, still holding you, to better take in the whole picture. His eyes wandered over the swell of your hip, the lines of the shirt against your chest, before darting to his own shirt, still folded over your shoulder.

His fingers flexed tellingly on your waist, and those heterochromatic eyes were both a little bit darker as they flicked back to yours.

His obvious regard made you feel warm. You shifted on your feet, shuffling.

“I was just—doing laundry,” you said for something to say, your mouth feeling kind of dry. Something about him always made you feel sort of shy and light-headed, even after all this time together. “And I made soup. I was thinking we could eat on the couch and watch one of those horrendous old All Might films?”

Shouto’s eyes darted to the stove, then beside you to the pile of your laundry, lingering for a long minute. His long lashes dipped, almost fluttering as his gaze traced over the tangle of your things together. His eyes flicked back to you. He was still for just a moment, watching you assessingly.

And then all of a sudden the world spun in front of your eyes. The hands at your waist lifted you clean off your feet, and you let out a startled “oof!” as you found yourself laid out in the pile of laundry on the table, sheets and sweaters bunching beneath you.

Shouto moved over you, stepping between your spread thighs, right at the edge of the table.

“You have no idea,” he intoned in a deep, delicious tone that went right down your spine, “what it is to come home to you like this.”

You wondered at that, feeling a strange combination of confusion and flattery, when Shouto’s mouth descended onto yours. His mouth was soft and sweet and insistent and absolutely perfect. The table groaned as he laid some of his weight out over you, pinning you into the laundry as he kissed you.

Your fingers clutched at him immediately, curling in his silky-soft hair, cupping his face to yours. One of Shouto’s own hands shifted to your thigh, holding you against him as he pressed himself harder into you.

You heard yourself making little gasps of appreciation as Shouto’s mouth moved down to your neck, laving hot kisses down your throat. You reveled in the feeling of him over you, broad and strong, his shoulders blocking the glow of the overhead light, casting shadows over you.

He’d been a lot like this lately, ever since you’d moved in together. He’d been adequately amorous before, of course, and blessed with a pro hero’s strength and unflagging stamina. But a few weeks after you’d moved in together you’d actually decided you needed to reactivate your gym membership given the amount of incredibly athletic sex you were suddenly having over almost every surface in the house.

One of the only spots yet to be touched was the table though, which Shouto seemed determined to rectify at this very moment.

He pulled back from you, his mouth flush from your kisses, looking a little entranced as he stepped out from between your thighs. You made a little noise at the loss of weight and heat over you, but Shouto caught the fabric of your sweatpants, gently but determinedly tugging them off of you. Your underwear was tossed right over one broad shoulder as Shouto went to his knees, and then his mouth was right back on you.

A wave of wild heat licked up your stomach at the noise of appreciation he made before sealing his mouth over you, strong fingers clutching your thighs to keep them apart.

“Oh my god!” you said, pleasure zinging right up your spine with the first lave of his tongue over you. “Shouto!”

Shouto let out a deep, pleased hum, two long fingers sinking into you embarrassingly easily as he worked your clit with his mouth. Your back arched and you could feel your clothing shift with you, Shouto’s shirt balling up under your shoulder blade, still half-draped over your shoulder.

“Oh, oh!” you heard yourself saying as your fingers twisted in the clothing, shuddering with every lick and suck of Shouto’s perfect, amazing, talented mouth.

He worked you with the expertise of long, dedicated practice—everything about him calculated to drive you insane. One moment he was excruciatingly soft, mouth slack and the touch of his tongue as fleeting and light as the brush of a butterfly’s wing. Then the next he was sucking relentlessly, teasing firmly with the tip of his tongue as his fingers played with you.

Your first climax hit you mortifyingly quickly, and Shouto seemed to know it before you did. His grip tightened on you, holding you down as you bucked against his mouth. Shouto looked more than a little smug as he got to his feet again, unbelting himself and laying back out over you.

He kissed you some more, the taste of yourself always a sort of shock to your system. But Shouto never seemed to mind, and if anything only seemed hungrier for you, mouth pulling at yours like he meant to devour you.

You felt the touch of his hand between your thighs as he lined himself up, then sank into you easily, groaning appreciatively like he’d just sunk into a hot bath. He bit carefully at your neck, one large hand pressing your stomach down to keep you pinned against the edge of the table where he wanted you.

“I always want to come home to you like this,” he intoned into the skin of your neck, his mouth sucking dizzying patterns into your skin. “Always.”

You could barely think past the slide of him inside you, thick and full and blissfully exquisite. He really was the most perfect man on earth, and he always felt like it too.

You barely managed to blink your eyes open to watch him, trying to catch his meaning in his face. Shouto watched you back, those blue and grey pinned on you like he couldn’t bear to look away from you as he moved inside you.

“You—” you panted out, trying to cling to the thoughts threatening to wiggle out of your grip. “What do you—? Of course you’ll always come home to me.”

Shouto bucked into you harder, the slap of his hip against the bottom of your thigh echoing loudly over the burble of soup on the stove. His eyelashes fluttered, mouth softening, and a realization struck you almost dizzy.

Oh, he really liked that.

You suppressed a wave of giddiness, charmed and helplessly pleased that he seemed to like the idea so much. Was that why he’d been so especially ardent this past month? Was it really because you’d moved in together?

Shouto’s arm hooked under one of your legs, drawing it up firmly over his shoulder so he could press even further inside of you. He looked so good like that that you nearly lost the thread of your thoughts, especially when his next thrust felt like that. Your eyes nearly rolled back in your head.

“Ah!” escaped you. “Fuck, Shouto. Like that, please!”

Shouto’s thumb pressed down on your still-sensitive clit and he had to dig the fingers of his other hand into the flesh of your leg to keep you from bucking him right out of you with the way you squirmed. Sweet fucking gods he was unreal.

Shouto fucked you harder, the sound of your skin slapping together obscene in the quiet of the kitchen.

You tried again, struggling to watch his reaction with the way you wanted to throw your head back and babble nonsense instead.

“You’ll always come home to me,” you repeated, gratified when Shouto’s grip on you tightened, a soft sound escaping him. “You want me right here for you?”

“Ah—yes, love,” Shouto panted, staring down at you again. He looked like he knew what you were doing but didn’t care. “Yes,” he hissed.

“Just like this?” you prompted, trying not to slur the edges of your speech when he gave another particularly mind-bending thrust of his hips. His chest rose and fell heavily and he looked a little wild-eyed, gazing down at you.

“Like this, for me,” he said. “In my home, in our home—”

You could hear the table squeal and groan with the force of his next thrust, and then you had to grip the sides of it to steady yourself as he fucked you, looking blissful. Your nails scrabbled at the edges of the table, caught in between a million sensations—the glorious fullness of Shouto inside you, the gentle grind of his thumb against your clit, the way he looked all flushed and beautiful and panting and wanting—

You squeezed your eyes shut, too overcome with the sight of him to look at him anymore, but it was no use. Your entire body trembled as you came, and Shouto let out a low swear at the way you clenched up around him, hunching over you and pressing himself so impossibly hard against you as he came too.

He slumped down against you, weighing you into the soft-smelling cotton of the laundry you were now definitely going to have to rewash. You could feel his chest rise and fall as he panted, his breath tickling the skin under your ear. He left an unbearably soft, sweet kiss just under the lobe, at odds with the near-wild way he’d just been fucking you.

You warmed, petting through his hair with a helpless affection.

“Well now I know what time I should always do our laundry,” you said.

Shouto huffed into your neck, but you could feel a tiny smile curve his mouth.

“It is not just that,” he said, but did not elaborate for some minutes until you elbowed him gently. He peeled himself off of you just enough to look down into your face. “It is the thought of our life together. Our clothes piled together. You in the home we chose and we made…” he said, trailing off.

But you thought you got the sentiment. It was about how easy it was, how uncomplicated. A safe place to come home to, no expectations, just soup and a pile of sweet-smelling laundry and someone happy to see you. It was something far away from what he'd grown up thinking a home was, possibly something he’d thought he’d never have—something you were determined to make him realize now that he always would.

You let your fingers pull through his hair again, smiling up at him. “I am going to have to do our laundry again, though,” you teased. “In case that interests you.”

And despite what he’d just said, Shouto did in fact look a little too interested. You watched his mismatched gaze trail over to the closet that opened onto the washer and dryer. A contemplative look snuck across his handsome face, carefully curling the corner of that plush mouth.

“There is another place we have not yet broken in,” he said slowly, voice dipping low. He looked down at you with an earnest expression completely in contrast to what he was suggesting.

You couldn’t help but laugh, and that was all the permission he needed to pull you up, gathering you up in his arms and layering a fat handful of laundry on top of you. His belt buckle rattled loosely beneath you where he'd barely done it up in his haste, and you laughed harder when he turned off the stove as you passed it.

Though it turned out to be a needed precaution—as neither of you found yourselves free to sit down to dinner for several hours yet.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

Vaggie: "Okay ha ha, very funny. Who stole me and Charlie's laundry out of the dryer again- Angel Dust!"

Angel Dust: "Wasn' me."

Vaggie: "Are you wearing my fucking skirt!?"

Angel Dust: "Ooooh~ it's a FUCKIN' skirt, huh? This one kept special for when Charlie jumps ya?"

Vaggie: "Que te la pique un pollo- NO."

Angel Dust: "Aw c'mon toots, we all know you have one~"

Vaggie: "Give me back. My skirt. You. Ass."

Angel Dust: "Speakin' of... is it really still YOUR skirt, Vagina, if MY ass is the one lookin' so utterly fine and fabulous in it?"

Vaggie: "YOU DONT HAVE AN ASS, ANGEL DUST."

Angel Dust: "Yeah? Then what's this beautiful thang here, hmm?"

Vaggie: "I don't know because there's nothing there for you to even POINT at, twig twink!"

Husk: "HA!"

Angel Dust: "Ugh fiiine. Since you're being nice an' usin' my preferred pronouns-"

Vaggie: "Twig???"

Husk: "Twink."

Angel Dust: "-I'll hand over the girlfriend-fucking skirt. The delicius heat from the dryer's mostly gone now anyway. Jus' lemme grab something to throw on over it first..."

Vaggie: "Seriously? THAT'S why you took it?? Dryer heat?"

Angel Dust: "Next best thing to hot bath at the end of a day's hard work, baby! A day's VERY hard, throbbing, aching work-"

Vaggie: "I will throw this spear at you. I WILL ruin your stupid hair."

Husk: "Fucking do it."

Vaggie: "YOU shut up too. You're the one who taught him this in the first place, aren't you?"

Husk: "WHAT? I don't put on your fucking skirts!"

Angel Dust: "Wha' about her non-fucking ones?"

Husk & Vaggie: "Shut up."

Angel Dust: "Touché~ Protestin' too much, me thinks~”

Vaggie: "Husk- we all know you're the one waiting for the dryer to finish so you can drag the laundry onto the floor and sleep on it!"

Husk: "That's bullshit- you've got no proof-"

Angel Dust: "Cat hair, Mr. Whiskers."

Husk: "The fucking hotel has a cat!"

Vaggie: "That smells like a bar and also sheds feathers?"

Husk: "FUCK."

Angel Dust: "Don't break yourself up over it, kitten daddy- If you hadn't shown me the joys of laundry shopping, I'd never have known how GOOD I look in this jacket."

Vaggie: "???? You- IS THAT CHARLIE'S!?!?"

Angel Dust: "Goes good with the skirt, huh? If you two had a kid, they'd fucking SLAY."

Vaggie: "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU WEARING HER JACKET"

Angel Dust: "Look- she's the only one in this fancy prancy hotel that's got the same measurements as me, at least in the shoulder, hips, and torso department! The only one who's clothes don't smell like dead deer and dusty old radios, anyway!! I'm kinda low on options here, okay?"

Vaggie: "WHAT ABOUT THE OPTION OF DON'T StEAL OUR STUFF?? THAT'S LIKE, THE EASIEST FUCKING OPTION YOU COULD HAVE!"

Angel Dust: "Orrrrr, you two could adopt me as you gay lovechild and give me some fuckin' hand me downs. Or money."

Vaggie: “OUR WHAT!?”

Angel Dust: “Fuck it, give me money an’ I’ll buy my own clothes, mom.”

Vaggie: “I. Am. NOT-”

Charlie: “-hey guys! Has anyone seen my….”

Charlie: “…uh, Vaggie? Why is Angel Dust dressed like our gay lovechild?”

Angel Dust: “HA!”

Charlie: “And did he just call you ‘mom??’”

Vaggie: “I give up. Anyone needs me, I’ll be in the laundry room, shoving myself in the dryer on the hellfire setting.”

Husk: “You’ll have to fucking drag Niffty out first.”

Vaggie: “What.”

Charlie: “What?”

Angel Dust: “WHAT”

Husk: “She was crawling in head first when I left after waking up- uhh- after getting something.”

Angel Dust: (shrieking) “AN’ YOU LEFT HER THERE???”

Vaggie: “Oh shit-”

Charlie: “Vaggie- go! Fly!! Go go go now Now NOW- EMPLOYEE IN THE INDUSTRIAL CLEANING EQUIPMENT THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!”

- meanwhile, in the laundry room-

THUMP THUMP THUMP

THUMP…. Thump………… thump

Alastor: “…”

Alastor: (reaches over to knock on dryer door)  

Alastor: “Having fun, dear?”

Niffty: (flopping limply half out of dryer) (battered) (scorched) (GRINNING) “Ow pain!”

Alastor: “Quite.”

Niffty: “Heheheh… heHEHEHEH.”

Niffty: (sets the dryer to max again) “More…. PAIN!!!” (shuts door from the inside) (grins from other side with her face pressed against the glass)

Alastor: “Fascinating.”

Thump…Thump. Thump. THUMP THUMPTHUMP-

Cherri Bomb: “…”

Cherri Bomb: “…Know what? You kids have fun. I’m just gonna go, like, break into someone’s house and murder them so I can use their washer and dryer. That’ll be less fucked up than….. whatever this is.” (hefts basket of bloody laundry and bombs) (waves over her shoulder while leaving) “Bye~”

[elekid]

We Need $$ ASAP To Do Laundry While Living Outdoors

The manner in which my family does their laundry is largely the hygiene center which provides unhoused people in this area with our only safe & free opportunities to shower/do laundry/brush teeth. To make long short, suddenly the machines and dryers are gone, and now there are few & far between opportunites to do laundry for free until sometime in June. Besides us are couple hundred other unhoused people (we uh...tend to not have the disposable income to afford laundromat industrial machine prices, not to mention laundry soap!!!) are also unable to access this service.

I'm making this post to ask for whatever funding you are able to donate in order to access the laundromat across the street for our local unhoused community and ourselves this week. I know that we cannot be the only people running out of clean clothes already...The opportunity to have clean blankets is something that I do not see why any person would deny to another human being!!!

Funds for this laundromat are loaded into a prepaid card that can only be used @ on-site machines, and wheeled cats/wagons can easily be used for transport. The only store purchases neccessary would be laundry soap / laundry sanitizer

We will wash as much laundry as we can afford to!!!

(I can be messaged to ask for alternate methods of sending $$$)

TL;DR HOMELESS COUPLE NEED FUNDS TO DO LAUNDRY FOR SELVES AND LOCAL UNHOUSED COMMUNITY IN THE RISING HEAT !!!

[stardust-swan]

The complete masterpost on how to smell like a Princess 💐🧴🌸

ARMPITS

🌸 Long armpit hair traps sweat and the smell can be quite noticeable. Wax or nair off the hair (instead of shaving, which causes dark discolouration), or if you don't want to have completely hairless armpits, trim the hair down short with a small pair of scissors.

🌸 Know the difference between deodorant and antiperspirant. Deodorant: stops the smell. Antiperspirant: stops the sweat. Some products may do one but not the other, although most do both.

🌸 Use a men's deodorant instead of women's deodorant. The antiperspirant is much stronger than in women's deodorant. Old Spice makes nice ones that don't smell particularly masculine despite the brand being associated with men. Old Spice Deep Sea smells like sea salt, Old Spice Fiji smells like coconuts, Old Spice Oasis is sweet and slightly vanilla scented, Old Spice Wolfthorn is sweet citrus, and Old Spice Timber smells like sandalwood.

🌸 Apply deodorant after you shower instead of waiting a while.

🌸 Apply antiperspirant at night instead of morning so that it has all night to get absorbed

🌸 Vanilla extract can be used as a natural deodorant. Because it's alcohol based, it kills bacteria and the vanilla scent stays all day.

🌸 Use deodorant as a preventative measure, not a fix for an already-stinky armpit or a replacement for washing.

🌸 Use salicylic acid toner on the armpits. This lowers the pH of your armpits to be inhospitable to odour-causing bacteria

🌸 Hand sanitiser can be used in a pinch (not regularly though as it's bad if you use it too often)

🌸 Washing your armpits with Head & Shoulders shampoo and letting it sit for a bit before rinsing off is really good for getting rid of bad odour due to the zinc in it

🌸 Exfoliate your underarms in the shower to slough off dead skin and deodorant build-up that could be making any products you use under your arms less effective. You can use the same exfoliator you use on your face or body on your armpits.

🌸 To dry your armpits completely, use a hairdryer, apply deodorant, then dry them again. It will make such a difference, as it gets your armpits completely dry, whereas as towel drying alone can often leave some moisture, which is more likely to make you smell.

🌸 If you suffer from excessive underarm sweating, go see your doctor. They can prescribe you an industrial strength antiperspirant which may solve your issue.

CLOTHES

🌸 Don't leave your clothes in the washing machine for too long after they've finished washing, this makes them develop a bad smell. Put them to dry as soon as possible after washing.

🌸 If possible, use the tumble dryer instead of leaving your clothes to air-dry in winter. If clothes are left for hours and hours and not really drying because it's too cold, they develop a bad mildewy smell.

🌸 Dry your clothes outside in the sun whenever possible

🌸 Use scented dryer sheets (but make sure the scent isn't one that clashes with your perfume).

🌸 An old-fashioned tip is to keep cut up soap and lavender in the same drawer as your clothes. You can just stick a scented soap or sachets with potpourri in the closet with your clothes to make them smell nice.

🌸 In hardware stores, you can buy cedar blocks to put in your closet, which as well as making your clothes smell nice, also keep spiders, moths, and centipedes away

🌸 Add a capful of white vinegar to the washing machine when you're washing your clothes (no, this won't make your clothes smell like vinegar. It kills unwanted scents and helps remove stains).

🌸 Add a few drops of essential oils such as lavender, peppermint, tea tree, or eucalyptus to your laundry detergent (you can add some to your dryer sheets as well). Make sure they're clear, light, essential oils, and not dark resiny ones, as that will stain your clothes. You can put a few drops of essential oils on the bottom of your drawer, right on the wooden part too.

🌸 You can buy special laundry perfumes to put in the fabric softener department. The scent lasts for ages

🌸 Avoid harsh or heavy scented laundry detergent and washing powders. Stick to neutral, light-scented ones

🌸 Wear breathable fabrics like cotton, hemp, linen, and silk. This will make more air circulate around your body. Avoid nylon and polyester.

🌸 Wash your bathrobe once a week

🌸 Spray Febreeze or perfume on the clothes in your closet once a week

🌸 Wash any clothes you haven't worn in a while, even if you're not planning on wearing them soon, to prevent a stale smell. It will make your whole wardrobe smell much better

FEET

🌸 Wear clean cotton socks. Don't reuse worn socks days in a row

🌸 Always wear socks. Not wearing them makes it much more likely for your feet to start smelling bad

🌸 Don't wear the same pair of shoes every day, as this can make odour-causing bacteria grow because they don't get a chance to dry out.

🌸 If you're staying somewhere overnight, remember to bring a 2nd pair of shoes to change into instead of wearing the same pair twice in a row

🌸 Put baby powder on your feet before putting socks on

🌸 Always dry your feet thoroughly after washing, including between each toe. This prevents the development of foot fungus

🌸 Use foot spray or shoe spray

🌸 Scent rises, so spray a little perfume in your shoes or on your ankles

🌸 Pat some glycolic acid on the soles of your feet with a cotton pad each morning

HAIR

🌸 Spray some perfume on your hairbrush before brushing. Grace Kelly swore by this

🌸 Apply dry shampoo the night before instead of the morning of so that your hair has time to absorb it

🌸 Hair absorbs scent a lot, so wash it regularly

🌸 Add a tiny drop of perfume oil into a few drops of hair oil and apply to your hair

🌸 It's obvious, but using a shampoo and conditioner that smells good will make your hair smell good

🌸 Consider using a hairspray or hair mist

HOME

🌸 Change pillowcases and bedding regularly. Oils, sweat and dead skin cells will accumulate if you go too long using the same sheets.

🌸 Open the windows regularly and leave your bed to air before making it once a week. No airflow means your environment will be more warm and sweaty, making it more likely to develop bacteria that makes you smell bad

🌸 Light a scented candle or incense regularly so that your home always smells lovely

🌸 Have multiple towels so you can use a new one each time you shower. Once a towel is wet, germs start growing, which can make you smell. Clean your towels regularly

🌸 Above all, make sure your house is clean. It doesn't matter how many of these tips you follow, if your home smells bad, you'll smell like it. Plus if you bring someone home and your house smells, no matter how good you personally smell, that's the impression they'll have of you. Clean regularly.

MOUTH

🌸 Floss after eating. Food particles trapped in between the teeth can make your breath smell bad. Even if you don't notice it, others will.

🌸 Use mouthwash after eating or drinking. Avoid mouthwashes with alcohol, as they can dry out your mouth, and your mouth should be moist if you want to reduce bad breath.

🌸 Brush your tongue or use a tongue scraper. This gets rid of bacteria that can build up and make your breath smell bad.

🌸 Keep a pack of mints or gum in your bag for after you eat or drink out (avoid chewing gum if you grind your teeth or clench your jaw though - it's not good for overworked muscles that need to relax).

🌸 Brush your teeth morning and night. Make sure to brush the hard to reach places, like the back molars. And brush for at least two minutes.

🌸 Bad smelling bacteria builds up in your mouth if it's dry and saliva isn't being produced, so drink water consistently throughout the day and eat every few hours, even if it's just a small snack

🌸 Take probiotics for mouth health to replace bad smelly bacteria with good bacteria

🌸 It's not too important, but if you're talking at close range with someone, you'll be able to smell if they have a scented lip product on, so if you want, put on a scented lipgloss, lipstick, or lip balm. My personal favourites are Glossier Birthday Cake lip balm and Fresh Rose Lip Treatment.

🌸 Chew a sprig of rosemary or mint after eating, it makes your breath smell clean and herbaceous.

🌸 A Princessy mouthwash recipe you can try is putting 60g of dried rose petals in 240ml of rosewater and heating gently for 2 hours, then straining and adding 180ml of liquid honey. As well as making your breath smell beautiful, it also helps to soothe a sore throat.

🌸 An underrated tip is to gargle with hot salt water to kill bacteria. This is good when you're somewhere without access to mouthwash.

🌸 If you take good care of your mouth hygiene but bad breath persists, you may have tonsil stones. You can extract them by rubbing a Qtip on your tonsil.

SIGNATURE SCENT

🌸 Learn your body chemistry. Get a variety of sample perfumes and see what they smell like after 30 minutes, 2 hours, a day. Scent profiles develop and change over time, and a perfume that smells good at first might not after a few hours. See what smells good consistently.

🌸 Apply Vaseline or a light unscented lotion to the area where you'll be spraying the perfume to make it last longer

🌸 Buy a rollerball of your favourite perfume so you can reapply when you're out and about if the scent of your perfume fades

🌸 If possible, spend money on a high end Eau de Parfum. 1 or 2 sprays will suffice, and the scent lasts all day. Sprays from Bath and Body and Victoria's Secret smell nice and all, but fade quickly.

🌸 Keep in mind that some perfumes may only be suitable for certain seasons. A light citrusy scent may be fine in summer, but confusing in winter

🌸 Scent rises, so rub scented lotion on your legs. If you want you can spray some scent inside your shoes or on your ankles.

🌸 Hot skin areas close to your veins like behind the knees, behind the ears, the back of the neck, and on the wrists are good areas to apply perfume. Currently, it's popular in the perfume community to spray on the stomach and forearms too.

🌸 If you're sensitive to perfumes, a perfume oil could be a good substitute (in former Ottoman countries, perfume oil is more popular than spray perfume).

🌸 Less is more with perfume. Never overspray. It's better for the scent to subtly creep up on people than to overwhelm them. Perfume should be intimate, a beautiful association people make with being close to you (isn't it a lovely idea that nobody will know that your hair smells like rose hair mist until your lover buries their face in it, or that your neck smells like Hypnotic Poison until your lover leans in to kiss it?)

🌸 Be aware that people may have sensitivities or allergies to perfume if you're going to be in an enclosed space, for example on an airplane, a cinema, or an office cubicle. It's okay just to smell clean rather than of perfume (Kate Middleton and Megan Markle don't wear any perfume at official state events for that reason).

🌸 Don't be afraid to ask other people about their opinions on your perfume. Of course, it's important that you like your perfume, but everyone else around you will have to smell it too. Some perfumes have associations that you may not necessarily want to portray. For example, Victoria's Secret perfumes are often associated with teenagers, and Chanel No.5 is often associated with grandmas. If you love them, you do you, but just keep this in mind if you're wary of creating certain associations with yourself.

🌸 Choose moisturising and hygiene products that go well with your signature scent. For example, vanilla or cocoa butter moisturiser with a perfume in the gourmand family of fragrances.

🌸 In the same vein as above, you can also choose moisturisers that add dimension to your signature scent, like making a floral perfume smell more summery by using a coconut moisturiser, or making a vanilla scent smell more Christmassy by using a peppermint body wash and lotion.

🌸 Don't mix scents that don't go well together. It will smell confusing if you use a warm vanilla sugar lotion with a musky perfume.

🌸 Don't overload on too many strongly scented products, it's overwhelming. If your perfume is very strong, use a lightly scented or unscented lotion.

🌸 It's okay to have more than one signature scent. The perfume you wear at the office doesn't have to be the same perfume you wear at parties, which doesn't have to be the perfume you wear relaxing at home.

🌸 It's also okay to have no signature scent, and just pick a perfume that fits your mood on a given day

🌸 Try and find a perfume that matches your lifestyle. If you're a minimalist, pick a fresh, light scent, such as Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue. If you love to bake and adore the smell of vanilla, sugar and buttercream, try a gourmand perfume, like Dior's Hypnotic Poison or Ariana Grande's Cloud. If you live an outdoorsy lifestyle, try a woody scent like Santal 33 by Le Labo. Your scent should match your vibe, if you're not naturally a party girl or a chic lady, don't try to fake it with perfume, it will just be confusing.

🌸 Don't pick a perfume you don't personally like just because someone else recommends it, like wearing a scent you find grandma-like just because someone said it will make you smell Old Money. You're the one who has to smell it all day

🌸 Spray a little perfume on your hair and wrists before going to sleep to feel soft, pretty, and luxurious, like a Princess or an Old Hollywood star

🌸 A tip from exotic dancers is to spray perfume right after showering, moisturise, then spray the perfume again to really lock in the scent

🌸 Read books like The Secret of Scent by Luca Turin, Fragrance and Wellbeing by Jennifer Peace Rhind, and Scent and Subversion by Barbara Herman to understand the science of scent and what smells great from the point of view of a perfume expert.

🌸 If you want free samples, try e-mailing a perfume house saying you've seen a promo of their perfume and would be interested in a complimentary sample (send your address too). Usually they read lots of complaints, so they'll be glad if they can make someone happy (this may not always work with every perfume house though). You can also go to a quiet counter at a boutique and ask for samples of a perfume you want, even tell them that you're young and can't afford much and they'll give away lots.

🌸 Science has shown that women are much more sensitive to musk scents than men, so lesbian/bi ladies may want to consider trying a musk scent while on a date. And as for men, they prefer lily of the valley, as well as gourmand scents like vanilla, cinnamon, and oddly, pumpkin and lavender together. [Source]

YONI

🌸 Take probiotics

🌸 Wear cotton underwear. Avoid tight underwear and underwear with dye if possible.

🌸 Sleep without underwear. Letting your yoni breathe is great for achieving an attractive smell

🌸 Don't clean your yoni with regular soap. It can throw off your pH, which can cause yeast infections and a bad smell. It's generally okay to use soaps specifically formulated for your vulva, or gentle soaps like Johnson's baby soap or Dove sensitive.

🌸 Drink natural 100% pineapple juice and cranberry juice, or buy pills with those respective ingredients in the health store. Even if you don't want to drink it all the time, drinking cranberry/pineapple juice an hour before intimacy will make you taste sweeter.

🌸 Instead of using scented feminine hygiene products (which are bad for you), change your pad or tampon regularly. Switch to menstrual cups if possible, as there will be no smell at all (whereas the pads and tampons themselves will start smelling bad if left for too long).

🌸 Rub some roll-on deodorant in the crevice where your inner thigh meets your vulva. It develops its own B.O smell (like a leg pit). Deodorant improves the smell immensely.

🌸 Make sure your partner has clean hands/a clean mouth before touching you sensually. Also, use a condom if possible, as ejaculate inside of you can mess up your pH balance

🌸 Use Dripsticks for post-sex clean-up

🌸 Boric acid suppositories after your period help rebalance microbial flora

🌸 Use a little water to rinse after you pee. You can buy a peri bottle for postpartum to make it easier

🌸 Make sure to only wash your vulva, not inside the vagina. The inside is a self-cleaning oven, and douching or even just inserting a finger with soap is bad for it. Avoid the inner, pink parts of the labia too.

🌸 Make sure there's no discharge build-up in your pubic hair

🌸 Clean well in-between the folds and under the clitoral hood so that sebum doesn't get trapped

🌸 Make sure not to scrub too hard, as it can make soap get somewhere it shouldn't or irritate a sensitive area

🌸 Use a hairdryer to dry after showering if you don't have the time to towel off till you're completely dry. It will stop you from feeling swampy and sweaty down there.

UNCATEGORISED

🌸 Keep feminine hygiene wipes, hand sanitiser, mini deodorant, mini dry shampoo, mini mouthwash, rollerball of perfume, scented hand cream, etc in your bag to freshen up during the day

🌸 It's obvious, but shower at least once a day. If you're having unusually hot weather or live in a warm climate, take a couple of quick showers throughout the day.

🌸 Use a very strong soap on your yoni, armpits, and feet, and scrub your armpits/feet very well as they retain scents.

🌸 If you sweat a lot during the night, take a light shower in the morning to get rid of the smell of stale sweat

🌸 Before your regular shower gel, use an antibacterial soap. It will kill bacteria that can make you smell bad.

🌸 Useful websites: Fragrantica, R/Perfumes, R/Fragrance, Parfumo, R/FemFragLab

🌸 Take parsley pills. It's like an internal deodorant. And fenugreek pills make you smell sweet like maple syrup

🌸 As well as on your armpits, put deodorant under your breasts as well, and anywhere else you may sweat a lot from (if you're spraying in the crease between your thighs and abdomen, make sure you have underwear on).

🌸 If you tend to sweat under your breasts a lot, you can buy cotton breast liners that absorb sweat on Amazon

🌸 If you're doing all that you can to prevent body odour but it persists, talk to your GP or dermatologist. You may need an antiperspirant stronger than what you can buy in shops, a PanOxyl wash, or even botox injections in your armpits

🌸 A tip from Marie Antoinette is to wear perfumed gloves

🌸 Don't eat too much onions, garlic, eggs, dairy, alcohol, processed foods, red meat, fast food, or vegetables like cauliflower and broccoli. The smell will seep through your skin (a little is fine, of course). And eat plenty of leafy greens.

🌸 Eat more fruit 🍎🍇🍍🍒🍓

🌸 Drink mint tea in the morning

🌸 An obvious tip, but hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. Drinking more water will help you sweat less. Plus fragrance doesn't last as long on dry skin

🌸 Avoid drinking too much alcohol or smoking cigarettes

🌸 Take chlorophyll supplements

🌸 If you tend to suffer from a sweaty face, wear a waterproof mascara and keep a setting powder on you

🌸 Most important tip of all: Stay hygienic! You need a good base for any of these tips to work. Spraying perfume and applying scented lotion on an unclean body is like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound.

🌸 And of course you don't have to use all of these tips (if anything, you'll probably end up creating a toxic fume cloud instead of a beautiful scent). Just find a few that work for you and incorporate into your routine.

[miscfandomwrites]

A/N: This was supposed to say "Bad day" but whoops. I'm tired. anywho, this seriesis inspired by some other authors with their own 'Sunshine series' yet my main take was wanting a main character who is a housewife ish and is fed up with their shit. They're all scared of this rabbit shifter because she's put up with them for this long. There's a whole backstory and lore and such if you want me to get into it, but for now here's 'Bay day' lol

Pairing: (Shifterverse) 141 + Keegan + Konig x Rabbit Shifter! Reader

Warnings: Lots of language, mentions of bodily harm.

Words: 1.3k

Tagging: @tyler-t0t

~

Nothing seemed to be going right. 

First, it was a downpour all day, meaning I couldn’t even drive to the farmer’s market since they had announced that they were going to be closed for the weekend since the weather was so severe. 

It also meant that I had to rush outside to the garden in my new, clean, white sundress, getting mud all over it as I hustled the chickens and ducks back into the coop, and ran around gathering all the tomatoes I could find before they split from the excess rain, some of them already splitting as I gathered them into my dress, staining it red and coating it with tomato seeds.

They boys were all on base today, yet weren’t coming home anytime soon both due to the weather and due to the paperwork they were getting held up with from their last couple missions. 

And today was a Sunday, meant to be a relaxing, self-care, pampering day for me, yet here I am, running around like I lost my head. 

I had just started to dry my hair with a kitchen towel before I remembered that there were sheets hanging outside on the line to dry - one of the perks of living with a team I guess, is that even with an industrial washer and dryer, it still didn’t cut the amount of laundry this house went through during the week. 

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” I yelled as I ran back outside, skipping putting on the rainboots and just decided to go barefoot, easily hopping the small gate that kept the animals on the fenced side of the yard. My ears twitched as the rain hit them, and I flattened them against my head as I muttered curses to myself as I tore the sheets off the drying rack and ran back inside, about to toss them into the dryer before I realized my dress had covered them in mud. 

I opened the washer, expecting it to be empty, yet was greeted with the sight and smell of Soap’s mildew-y clothes that have definitely been sitting in the washer for the last two days, unswitched. 

“Motherfucker.”  I hissed as I dropped the sheets on the floor and grabbed a laundry pod and some scent beads, throwing them into the washer and starting his clothes on a hot, heavy washer since half of it was his workout gear. 

I shook my head as I felt some of the water starting to reach my inner ears, causing them to twitch and me to wince and I quickly grabbed a spare cloth and quickly cleaned them out, hating the feeling of water in them. 

I could faintly hear my phone buzzing from upstairs, and I jogged up there only to be greeting with Price’s contact, wanting a voice call.

I answered as I opened the dishwasher, realizing I forgot to start it before I went to bed last night, the pod door still closed tight. 

“Hey love, looks like we might be running even later tonight, there’s a new recruit….” He started as I held the phone between my shoulder and head and tried to start the dishwasher again. 

“What time should I have dinner on the table then?” I interrupted him as he was telling me about how they were going to be training not just one but several new recruits, causing them to be home around eight pm at the earliest. 

“Oh, uh, probably around nine or ten then?” He questioned. 

I just shut my eyes and sighed for a moment, before nodding. 

“I’ll get some stew in the crockpot then, today’s not going too great so I doubt I’ll be up that late.” 

“That’s alright dove, we can just pick up food on the way over.” I heard Ghost’s voice, causing me to pause for a moment. 

“Am I on speaker?” I asked softly. 

“Yeah, we jus’ got out of a meetin’ “ Soap replied. Sounds like everyone was there. 

“I’m implementing a new rule: Set a fucking timer on your phones for your laundry. Next batch that grows mildew in the washer will go into the burnpit.” 

A hushed silence answered me, before I heard a smack! and Soap yelling out. 

That was definitely Gaz. He’s the only one who actually takes care of his laundry on time. 

The washer beeping from downstairs gathered my attention, and I said my round of ‘be safe’ and ‘don’t kill the newbies’ before I hung up and tossed my phone on the couch, only for it to slide off and land on the wooden floor, landing screen-first. 

“Oh that definitely fucking broke.” I sighed, padding over to it and picking it up, wincing as I saw shards of glass left behind on the ground. 

A slew of expletives left me that would’ve left Soap blushing, and I set it face-up on the coffee table and headed downstairs, switching over laundry and starting half of the sheets in the washer before heading back upstairs, and cleaned up the mess my phone made. 

It was around three at this point, so I gathered some thawed meat out of the fridge and some vegetables and went to work putting together and stew for the boys that could be left cooking for the next several hours. Halfway through chopping up the carrots, the dryer buzzed, scaring me enough that I accidentally sliced into my finger instead, causing me to yelp and immediately hold it to myself, using my dress as a pressure dressing as I rushing into the bathroom and yanked out the medkit from under the sink. Only to find it fucking empty. 

I hissed at finding this, heading back into the hallway and pulling open the doors and finding the spare medkit things, disinfecting and wrapping up my fingers. (Turns out I nicked two, not just one.) 

I didn’t bother putting away the items since I knew I needed to refill the medkit anyways, leaving the bloody wrappers and roll of gauze on top of the box.

I headed downstairs, switching laundry again, and set up the drying lines we had in the laundry room for the sheets, carefully setting them up, not noticing spots of blood getting on the edges from my fingers. 

After switching laundry I headed back upstairs, my phone buzzing with an incoming call from Soap, which I didn’t even bother touching as I was not about to get shards of glass into my fingers. 

I finished making dinner, setting it up in the crockpot on medium heat, and didn’t bother cleaning up the kitchen as I collapsed on the couch, about ready to cry my eyes out. 

Instead, I fell asleep, my body exhausted, and about jumped out of my skin when I heard the door open and several voices. 

About thirty minutes had passed, leaving me groggy as shit, blinking sleep out of my eyes as they shuffled inside, dropping off bags of something on the counters as Price made his way to me. 

“I know we’re a little early but-holy fuck, what happened?” He started, causing everyone to immediately stop and head my way, causing me to be crowded by everyone. I could barely keep the tears out of my eyes, explaining that today was just horrible. 

“C’mon, let’s get you out of that dress and into something warm, bun.” Gaz spoke softly to me and Price starting giving instructions to the rest of the boys: Konig and his crew were to take care of the animals and check the perimeter, Ghost was to help with laundry, Soap was on dish duty, Price was going to finish up with putting away the groceries which I later learned were from them going to the farmer’s market ass-early in the morning before the sky opened up to make sure I got what I needed for the week. Keegan took it upon himself to restock the medkit, and helped rebandage my hand as I sat on my bed, Gaz sitting behind me, softly brushing my tangled mess of hair. 

This. This is what a pack was like.

[satancopilotsmytardis]

Shigaraki : Oh, can’t find your clothes? Wear mine, they look better on you anyway.

The funniest thing was that Tomura wasn't even trying to hit on Dabi when he said that. The grunts fucked up the whole League's laundry, Twice was wearing a bag again for the time being until they figured out who had thrown everything into an industrial washer and then shrunk it all in the dryer. Or in Dabi's case, shrunk his t-shirts and shredded most of his pants. Tomura's clothes were only saved because he was barely at base making laundry. Telling Dabi to wear his clothes was practical too. Dabi was barely two centimeters taller than him, their builds are similar, and he looks good in black. Borrowing his clothes for a few days wasn't a big deal.

But Dabi had gone absolutely silent when he'd said it, and it took him realizing he would have to go out to train with Geten and the recruits in his star patterned pajama bottoms before he had reluctantly gone and changed into Tomura's clothes. One of his long-sleeved shirts and some of his slacks instead of skinny jeans since he tended to like his pants a little looser for training. And he did look good in them and they did fit. A win-win as far as he was concered.

But over the next two days, Dabi had been weirdly subdued when he came to borrow things to wear. The next day, he wore a short-sleeved shirt, long-sleeved button down over top, and his skinny jeans, and that looked good too. The third day, he had worn one of Tomura's dress shirts with only one button closed just above his navel and some of Tomura's slacks and dress shoes. He looked /really/ good in that, and he'd told Dabi as much.

He hadn't thought too much about the whole situation. The replacements for the others' wardrobes would be there tomorrow and things would be back to normal.

He did not expect Dabi to be waiting in his room for him when he came back that night, sitting on the edge of his bed, shirt still barely buttoned and hanging off of one shoulder, no pants on, the hem of the button-down just short enough to show that Dabi had also decided to borrow some of his red boxer briefs. He's not going to complain about that either as he locks his door and tells Dabi he does look very, very good in his clothes, but he would look better naked tangled in his sheets.

[starlostseungmin]

一 oh yes darling, hjs.

pairing — idol!han x gn!reader

genre — domestic fluff

warnings — mentions of sex but not implied, kissing, not proofread.

word count — 988

notes — this is just for an experiment, might delete later if it doesn't show on the tags. i'm so upset right now.

“I’m so exhausted darling, are you sure, you don’t want to cuddle with me?” Jisung asked, loosening his tie while you flip a page on the book you were reading, feeling the comfortable mattress and the new sheets from the laundry. It was a good Friday night which means it was your boyfriend’s day off the next day. He’s been working overtime during the week and badly wanted to rest, with the help of your cuddles, of course一but he came a little late today when he promised he will cook dinner for the both of you. 

“No,” You said, flipping another page of the book leaving the poor man pouting his lips. He knows this game, this is one of those nights when you’re trying to play hard to get as a joke to make him act all cute and beg but your boyfriend knows you too damn well. 

“Are you upset?” He said, taking off his white polo after the blazer. You tried you remain calm and fix your attention on the book you were reading. Jisung loves your reaction every time you see his exposed skin or the way he takes his clothes off in front of you. Nevertheless, it makes you crazy and he knows it. The change of the atmosphere caught you off guard, you didn’t even get to say anything before he was completely topless. Even the book is not helping and the words seem to be scrambled and hard to read. 

“I’m not,” You said. 

“Then why won’t you cuddle me?” He pouted. 

“You were late,” You answered as he chuckled in return. 

“So you’re upset with me,” Jisung smiled but you just rolled your eyes in response. “Come on, how do I make it up to you?” He asked, sitting on the empty space beside you, trying to get your damn attention away from the book. Your boyfriend loves to tease, he can manage to make you give in when he starts to do something that will make you sore in the morning. But it’s not that easy, because sometimes, you weren’t just up for it. Your boyfriend is not the type to be patient, but when it comes to you, he would always understand. Yet you would also feel bad about it when he sighs and leaves in disappointment after you refused. No arguments were made because he won’t force you if you don’t want it. 

You sensed his face getting closer to yours, attempting for a kiss as his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him. His hot breath gave you the chills down to your spine making the book fall on the mattress. Jisung started rubbing the tip of his nose on your cheek which made you giggle in response while attempting to break free from the tight hug. You knew he wouldn't be able to finish his night routine if you let him be like this for a while. 

“Go wash up first, I’ll cuddle you alright?” You smiled, cupping his cheeks before giving him a quick kiss on the lips. 

“Fine, don’t forget the smooches,” He smirked, kissing the tip of your nose before dashing towards the bathroom. A smile formed on your face as you fixed your hair, and placed the book back on your side table. Your boyfriend has been working too hard that you are worried if he is getting enough rest. Being part of a famous boy group in the whole industry gives him a tight schedule where it’s rare to spend some time with his beloved. And the tour一the tour is right along the corner. 

A sigh escaped your lips as you waited for him. He deserves all the cuddles he could get from you anyway. The love he gives and the time management he has when it comes to you are very endearing. You knew there are a lot of reasons to love him, and being loved by him is already a huge thing to earn. 

You heard the bathroom door open and shut as his footsteps are getting closer to the bed. His hair is soaking wet and his body was enveloped in a white robe, you prepared for him. The dryer started doing its job as Jisung watched himself in front of the mirror while you wait. Watching him like that made you think you are the luckiest person on earth to have him. He’s perfect wherever you look at him, he denies them sometimes but his narcissistic side is not debatable. 

“I will melt if you keep staring at me like that,” He said as you scoffed in response. 

“I was just waiting,” You answered as he ruffled his disheveled hair, taking his way back to your shared bed. 

“There’s something I wanted to say,” He said, halting a foot away from the mattress. 

“Shoot,” You said. 

“Why don’t we spice things up for tonight and stay in all day tomorrow huh?” He said, with a smirk on his lips while wiggling his brows. You could feel the heat rising on your cheeks and Jisung could see how they turned pink because of the blood rush. It’s been a while since the last time you did it一thanks to his occupied schedule, he’s been missing a lot with you. 

“Honey, no,” You said. 

“Oh, yes darling,” He said when he attempted to hover over you but you were too quick to move, making him fall to his face on the pillows. “Oh come on,” He whined in response as he laid on his back, kicking his legs on the sheets like a little kid, making you laugh. 

“You’re so cute,” You said, kissing his cheek. “I was just kidding you know? Come here,” 

“I won’t go easy on you, darling,” Of course, Jisung is a sucker for you. He never hesitated to get on top of you again, before crashing his lips on yours and wrapping your arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss. 

taglist: @wolfchanchan @inseonqt @soobin-chois @hanjiesgf @koovvie @lix-ables @zoe8stay @gwynsapphire @cherryhanji @lixesque @seungly @sleepyleeji @kim-seung-mo @strangevante @h0neydewmoon @ppiri-bahng @myjisung @snow-pegasus @milkybonya @l3visbby @yejis-biggest-simp @tangylemonade @hwan-g — lmk if you want to be added or removed !!

[raincode-archives]

Chapter 4 Loading Screen Trivia

Note: Currently, I do not know which of these trivia may be general game trivia or Chapter 4 exclusives (if there is any). And there may be trivia I'm currently missing that I will add later on, if I find any more.

World Detective Organization (WDO) An extra-legal, extra-privileged organization devoted to eradicating the world's unsolved mysteries.

Detective Deed An identification card. These are granted by the World Detective Organization.

Master Detective Among the detectives belonging to the World Detective Organization, this is a detective with a specialized power called Forensic Forte that aids in their investigative activities.

Forensic Forte Those exhibiting innate talent for special powers like clairvoyance or mind-reading are trained by the WDO to develop a supernatural investigative ability called Forensic Forte or simply, Forte.

Amaterasu Corporation Many products are in development, some of which cannot be made public.

Amaterasu Peacekeepers A department of Amaterasu Corporation. They serve as a sort of police force within Kanai Ward.

Kamasaki District Crime generally isn't bad here, unless you venture deeper inside, that is.

Riverbank Due to polluted waters, fish are rarely caught.

Kanai Station The only train station in Kanai Ward. It's a magnificent building, but seldom has customers because of the city's isolation.

Kanai Ward Living Condition Perhaps because of the daily rainfall, some people in Kanai Ward don't mind getting wet.

TV Programs Nearly all the TV programs broadcasted in Kanai Ward are sponsored by Amaterasu Corporation.

Popular Sports Parkour is popular among the young men of Kamasaki District. New problems have arisen however, what will all the trespassing and running across the top of food stalls.

Means of Communication Most communications to people outside of Kanai Ward are tapped and monitored by Amaterasu. The phone at the Nocturnal Detective Agency uses a different type of line to prevent eavesdropping.

Pets Because of Kanai Ward's unending rain, indoor pets are popular. At the same time, there is increasing concern of many dogs and cats become feral after being abandoned by irresponsible owners.

Kanai Ward's Electrical Power Because of the perpetual rain, electrical power is derived predominantly from rainwater.

Flavor of Halara's Candy Depends on the mood. The worse the mood, the sweeter the taste; the better the mood, the lighter the taste.

Fubuki's Accessories Fubuki's necklace has a clock motif. The choker is decorated with video playback control symbols.

Vivia's Book Catalog Novels, columns, essays, all sorts of things. There's no particular preference for genre; he reads just to pass time.

Vivia's Garments There are just bandage-like wrappings beneath his coat, so it wouldn't be accurate to call it clothing.

Amaterasu Corporation The megacorporation controlling Kanai Ward. It deals in a wide variety of goods such as industrial products, electronic appliances, as well as pharmaceuticals.

Kanai Ward Currently, Kanai ward is isolated from the rest of the world. Few people enter and leave and very little information goes beyond its walls.

Kanai Tower Lease agreements are available, but the monthly rent costs as much as a luxury car.

Ama-Pal Different versions of Ama-Pal exist, but among the scarce limited edition releases, there is evidently a bear variant with differently colored left and right sides.

Ama-Pay An electronic payment system courtesy of Amaterasu Corporation. It can be used at almost any shop in Kanai Ward, but rumor has it the company collects personal data from each transaction.

Popular Appliances Indoor dryers are very popular in Kanai Ward. Amaterasu Corporation's new "Kagutsuchi" model is quite excellent, capable of drying any type of laundry in just two hours.

Amaterasu's Latest Products A drone car that will autonomously deliver you from departure...to tomorrow. "Amenotorifune." Coming soon from Amaterasu Corporation.

Amaterasu's Latest Products Fall asleep in an instant.... And slumber for eight hours without waking up...no matter what... "Snoozewell," coming soon from Amaterasu Corporation.

Amaterasu Lab Research facilities located in the underground section of the Amaterasu Corporation. Access to the lab is highly restricted, even among Amaterasu personnel.

Amaterasu Security Entry to the premises requires employee IDs, as well as biometric authentication via retinal scans, making it practically impossible for outsiders to infiltrate Amaterasu Corporation.

Blank Week Mystery A phrase considered taboo in Kanai Ward. The meaning of the phrase is unclear

Makoto's Masks The mask is different ever morning, depending on his mood. Sometimes it takes him more than 30 minutes to choose, to the chagrin of the people around him.

About Dr. Huesca He walks around barefoot in the lab. This isn't for anything health-related, he simply feel the time spent putting on shoes and socks is better used on research.

Robot Researcher Akira is his name. He's poured his whole being into Ama-Pal, his life dedicated to its development. His catchphrase: "When my time comes, I want it to be by Ama-Pal's hand."

Fink the Slaughter Artist A hitman predominantly active in Kanai Ward. It's rumored that he'll kill any target, regardless of difficulty, as long as the client can afford it.

Yomi's Cane Yomi's cane transforms into a whip and can be used to strangle people he isn't fond of.

Shinigami's Secret Depending on Shinigami's emotional state, not only can horns and a tail sprout out, but her entire body can take on a fiery form.

Amazing Physique Number One of the WDO may look wizened, but beneath his robe is a muscle-bound body, compared to that of a youth's. It's littered in scars following encounters with a variety of criminals.

Invention Detective A Master Detective whose Forte allows for on-the-spot assembly of inventions useful for an investigation. This detective was not summoned to Kanai Ward.

[love-imagineitall]

Rest

Request: tangerine & 8!! much love <3

Requested from this prompt list

8. "I'll take over from here, go get some rest"

Sorry if this is bad. I'm just getting back into writing :)

Working as an assassin was not a job that made you many friends. The only people that you really talked to were either clients or ended up dead, so yeah not a lot of friends.

The only exception to this were the set of "twins" that you had met on a job in which you had to basically fight them for the kill.

Of course you had gotten the job done but after seeing the skill of them, and them seeing you, all of you knew that your lives were gonna be better (and longer) if you became friends rather than enemies.

The current job that the three of you were on had been going on for so much longer than any of you had thought it was going to be. Everyday you would be going for hours and hours (these people were not easy to track down, much less take out), and the client kept adding people to the kill list and with the kind of money he was offering, none of you were able to turn it down. With this kind of money you would be able to stop working for a while and enjoy life. So, yeah you were willing to push yourself to the limit.

So, right now the three of you were trying to check into the hotel room and as you were standing at the counter Tangerine could see that you were about to pass out from exhaustion. He would have noticed this even if he didn't notice every little thing about you. Lemon liked to tease him about how much Tangerine cared about you, but Tangerine would always play it off because he knew exactly the kind of business both of you were in, and he knew better than to get attached.

As the three of you got back to the rooms, you dropped your stuff on the ground and for a second, laid on the bed and shut your eyes. Tangerine noted to himself how peaceful you looked, but quickly moved on as he was also quite tired.

After a second you knew that you needed to get up because you desperately needed to do laundry. This trip was much longer than you thought it was going to be, and you had no idea when it was going to end, so you started to gather your stuff, and asked Tangerine if he wanted to come with, since you were sure that he also needed to visit the laundromat.

"Yeah love, let me get my stuff and Lemon's I know he really wanted to take a shower so it'll just be the two of us."

You nodded and waited as he gathered the bags, and the two of you trudged across the street.

The whole time was quiet with both of you being so tired that you didn't even have the energy to talk. However, this meant that you were very close to falling asleep in your seat.

After you both changed out your loads to the dryers, you sat down and as Tangerine looked over at you with eyes shut, he once again smiled at just how peaceful you looked. That look being hard to come by in this industry. He sighed to himself and called your name.

"Mhm what I'm awake," you said even though you definitely were falling asleep.

"Darling, I'll take over from here, I can grab your clothes once they're done, just go get some rest."

You wanted to protest and say that you were fine, but as you went to say something, you were hit with the biggest wave of exhaustion, so with that you just nodded and walked back over to the hotel, grateful for the beautiful British man that had saved you from passing out in the laundromat.

As soon as you got back to the room you immediately passed out on the bed not even bothering to get under the covers.

When Tangerine got back he saw you sleeping so peacefully once again, and even though he knew he was going to get shit from Lemon, he grabbed a spare blanket and draped it over you so that you didn't wake up freezing cold.

[avonengineering]

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[tehnakki]

I just wanted to thank you for posting that selfie. I’ve been nervous about my career prospects since I’m going into engineering and dress a lot more eccentric (for lack of a better term) than like 90% of the people in my classes. It’s nice to see that someone who dresses fun and colorful doesn’t have to tone it down to do a major presentation (and to NASA at that, holy fuck)

Awwww, don't be nervous! Wanna know a ridiculous thing that happened to me as a intern/new hire?

So I worked in a human testing lab at university, and usually would run tests whenever I could get human subjects, so sometimes that was the middle of the night because college students. So I got pretty comfortable wandering about campus in my pajamas.

So I was napping in the human centrifuge between tests (like you do), when the light suddenly turned on and there was a whole horde of people in suits and polo shirts gathered around me.

My professor had forgotten to tell me that NASA Johnson was visiting for the day to see our progress.

I ended up having to give a presentation on the lab and then demonstrate the test campaign (with no bra to hold my giant bazangas). Also, my hair was pink at the time.

Fast forward 8 months and I'm working in the NASA Johnson Exercise Lab on an extension of the project I was on and on my first day multiple people said hi and called me "pajama intern", people who I am SURE were not at the lab test. That ended up being my nickname until their was a classic Houston downpour and I got soaked on my way to building 6 to give a presentation to a different team (I truly am cursed when it comes to presentations). So I stopped in the locker room and tossed all my clothes in a dryer, and sat around in a towel for a bit, but the dryer was taking forever. So I grabbed a lab coat, put it on OVER the towel (to try to disguise that I was just wearing a towel??? I still don't know what I thought would happen). And headed to the conference room.

Where I pretended to be completely oblivious to the fact that everyone was dying of laughter as I got setup and gave a very good presentation on lunar regolith.

Then I was "Labcoat [First Name]" till I left to go to industry, where I immediately died my hair blue and started wearing a Lemur onesie to the office everyday.

Anyways, for as shallow as most people are, I've found that it takes very little time for me to establish my credibility regardless of what I'm wearing. And the people who don't treat my experience and skills with respect were never going to anyways, regardless of what I was wearing. I'm a nonbinary black queer person in an industry still dominated by cis white men. If they are going to hate me for things I can't change, I may as well ignore all social mores and conventions and just have a good time being the most "myself" I can be.

And by being "myself" and not trying to mask all the time, I free up so much of my brain from anxiety about meeting some arbitrary requirements and tend to make better connections with people. So I end up with really good friendships with people who never interact with queer weirdos like me but find me fascinating. Like my buddy, a high ranking officer in The Space Force (LOL) who sends me the stupidest emoji text messages every time I snicker in a call with them. And loves that I mock the military usage of "sir/ma'aming" every sentence by calling people 20years older than me "my bud".

I have no idea where I was going with this.... But fuck the haters, have fun with your life. YOLO!

[ghostjelliess]

The rich kids during our church group mission trip volunteering with homeless shelters, listening to shelter horror stories and folding donated clothes fresh from the industrial washer/dryer: 😱🥺😮 I can't believe these poor kids live this way! *traumatized*

14 year old me at home, peeping our red-stamped foreclosures and bills, a growling stomach or the ongoing gang war violence waking me up at 2am, domestic fights between stressed parents that had younger sisters crying for divorce, hanging up on credit/loan companies like they were coming to find me and kill me personally: 😳 oh, this is what's next for me if it doesn't get better. This is what worse is. *traumatized*

Mary, the kindest old woman running a kids/teen day shelter on her own, patting my back while I scrub the disgusting kitchenette: how'd you get mixed up with these kids honey?

Church.

Ah, well if their god drops you into our hell, there will be plenty of work here. Don't you mind.❤️❤️

She saw my fear was different, recognized all that counselors and teachers had ignored, and promised it wouldn't get worse than that, and it was the most validating experience. Sometimes kids just need an adult to look them in the face and confirm the reality everyone's trying to gaslight into shadows. It's real, it sucks, it might get better, it won't get worse than this.

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

Honey-Sweet and Heavy

3zun extra for Tales From Jianghu Shopping Center - some of y'all were interested in how Meng Yao / 3zun fits into this universe and now, months after I answered the ask about it (I just scrolled to check, it was mid-July holy shit) I'm answering that question with fic! And I'm definitely not procrastinating my schoolwork, nope nope nope!

[Masterpost] [AO3]

-/-

JUNE

As is unfortunately common for Meng Yao’s Wednesday nights, the first thought he has at roughly 8:47pm is hands, hands, hands in a sort of… mildly obsessive loop that only ends when he forces himself to tip his head back enough to instead see (and think) shoulders, shoulders, shoulders . It feels like he has to tip his head back as far as it can go before he finally sees the guy’s face, but unfortunately he’s handsome enough that that’s not much better than drooling over his stupid massive hands, or his even more idiotically broad shoulders.

“Hey,” Gym Guy says, friendly enough around the way he can’t seem to ever talk like he’s isn’t two seconds away from getting pissed off.

“Hey. The usual?” Two loads for the wash. Pre-soak, hot wash, hot rinse, extra rinse on cold, spin dry. One load for the dryer, 80 minutes, extra-dry. No soap needed, he brings his own. Dryer sheets, yes, he never remembers to snag them from his house on his way out.

“Yep.”

Meng Yao has the change – in quarters, of course – for his $10 bill (minus a buck) and a couple of dryer sheets ready to slide across the counter before Gym Guy even pulls out his wallet.

“4 and 5 are free if you want, and you can throw it all in dryer 1 when they’re done washing. The others aren’t running as hot as they should, you’ll probably end up with some stuff still damp otherwise.”

As usual, Gym Guy thanks him with a gruff little nod (that Meng Yao tends to ride the high of for the rest of his shift) before he turns and hauls two enormous canvas bags of laundry through the dingy laundromat like they don’t weigh anything at all. Meng Yao watches him and wonders if the guy could bench press him. He definitely looks like he could, anyway.

Meng Yao allows himself roughly four minutes to watch Gym Guy as he bends over and loads armfuls of towels and a few random odds and ends of clothing into the two industrial-sized washing machines conveniently located straight ahead from the counter behind which he’s perched. Any longer than four minutes and he knows the likelihood of him being able to look away (preferably without getting caught) decreases dramatically, so he never allows himself to look longer.

When his four minutes (and extra forty-seven seconds, he’s had a hard day okay?) are up, Meng Yao regretfully looks away from the shift of Gym Guy’s muscles through his gray t-shirt advertising his gym and goes back to the busy work he’d assigned himself for the night, expressly for the purpose of distracting him from Gym Guy. Not that he doesn’t typically end up doing way more than his job description entails, of course, but Gym Guy is distracting enough that Meng Yao has to actually assign himself something in order to avoid making a fool out of himself.

He settles in to go back to his project with a little creak of the wood-and-vinyl stool underneath him, the clanking of quarters dropping into the metal collection boxes followed by the hum and slosh of first one machine and then the other helping to soothe some of the adrenaline-spiked energy humming under his skin.

So long as Gym Guy stays on the other side of the (admittedly very small) space and minds his own business, Meng Yao can usually tune him out about halfway through the wash cycle, if his task is engrossing enough. This late on a Wednesday night they’re usually the only ones in the laundromat, though every other week one of the nurses from the hospital in town comes in off her back-to-back graveyard shifts to run all of her scrubs through the same sort of sanitizing wash Gym Guy uses for his stuff. She’s cute, Meng Yao has noticed, and she’s always nice, if a little tired around the edges. He’d be lying if he said he hasn’t noticed that Gym Guy never bothers flirting with her even when she’d shown tentative interest in him at first.

He’s having a harder time ignoring Gym Guy’s presence tonight, but that’s got more to do with being unable to concentrate as well as he usually can than anything else. Gym Guy is sitting where he always does in one of the too-small plastic chairs by the front windows pretending to pay attention to QVC playing on the small TV up in the corner, perfectly within the usual respectful distance he always keeps. Meng Yao’s just tired tonight, having interrupted his own sleep schedule, such as it is, to finally go and visit his father just on the other side of town earlier this afternoon before the start of his shift. The twinge in his ribs and his hip remind him that he should have probably decided to do it on one of his few days off, but then again he hadn’t exactly expected his father to have him thrown down the front steps without even letting him in the door of his house, either.

At least, he muses in relief, he hadn’t tried to go see him down at Golden Carp. Of course he knows now that his father probably wouldn’t have made such a spectacle out of him if he’d had so many witnesses around that aren’t his immediate family, but then again…a man willing to kick his own son down the stairs where anyone out walking their dog might have seen probably wouldn’t care who sees it anyway. (He supposes that if he had gone to Golden Carp at least there wouldn’t have been any stairs to send him toppling down, but hindsight’s 20/20 and all that.)

It’s just past 9 when the jangling of the phone ringing at the other end of the counter shakes Meng Yao out of his less-than-pleasant contemplation on his sorry lot in life. He winces as he stands from the stool to pick it up, the quiet clatter of the plastic handset against the base barely audible over the sloshing and chugging of Gym Guy’s wash cycles.

“Fitz’s 24-hour Coin-op Laundry,” Meng Yao answers through a hitching breath as his ribs – most likely fractured, he thinks – resettle. “How can I help you?”

Meng Yao has less than a second to brace himself and jerk the receiver away from his face for the sake of his poor eardrum before the owner of the laundromat starts shouting loudly enough at him that he senses Gym Guy’s attention shifting from the TV to him. Great.

He lets the tirade go on for as long as he can stand before he attempts to cut in and maybe, if he’s lucky, defuse the bomb that is his boss’s notorious temper. This time of night he’s probably at least a full 12-pack into his usual 24-pack night, though, so Meng Yao’s hopes aren’t high.

“Mr Jameson - Mr - I didn’t - Mr Jameson I promise it won’t happen again -”

Meng Yao sighs well away from the receiver and turns his back to the rest of the laundromat, the cord stretching across his chest with the movement. He tangles his fingers between a few of the tight curls in it and clutches hard enough that his knuckles ache ever so slightly.

Finally, there’s a long enough break in the vitriol for Meng Yao to hurry and attempt to explain, “Mr Jameson. As I said this afternoon, I apologize for being late. I understand that it created difficulties for Anne, it was not my intention to make her late to pick up her children from daycare. I had a..a family emergency that required medical attention, it won’t be happening aga-“

Meng Yao gives in and hides his eyes behind his free hand as his boss gains a second wind and resumes shouting, something about how that’s no excuse, that unless he’d broken bones himself there was no reason not to be on time (as if on cue, his ribs and hip protest the fact that he’s currently upright and standing on a hard tile-and-concrete floor). Meng Yao attempts several more times to cut in to apologize further, but in the end it’s useless.

He sets the phone down carefully on the countertop and takes two shallow, grounding breaths before turning back to the room at large. It is, mercifully, still only occupied by Gym Guy. 

Unfortunately, Gym Guy is looking right at him – glaring, actually – and Meng Yao ducks his head quickly rather than face that head-on. As quietly as he can he drags his stool and his filing project closer to the phone and settles down again, lips pressed tightly together around the possibility of a pained noise escaping his control. Meng Yao keeps an ear out for convenient places to demur a quiet, “Yes, Mr Jameson,” in between all the slights to his character and his (impeccable, unnecessarily driven, unusual) disappointing work ethic, but for the most part he turns his attention back to his project for something of a distraction.

Eventually, Mr Jameson’s tirade peters out enough for Meng Yao to lift the phone to his ear again and actually get a few words in edgewise. “I’m sorry for my…unsatisfactory behavior, Mr Jameson,” he lies through his teeth, “But please rest assured that I will not allow this to happen again. If you’ll excuse me, I have customers to attend to.”

Meng Yao returns the phone to its cradle before Mr Jameson can rally enough to start again and he closes his eyes in relief, hand still resting on the receiver as he exhales, long and slow just like Meng Shi taught him.

“That happen a lot?” Gym Guy’s voice is a low rumble under the sloshing of the washing machines and a too-chipper bottle blonde on the TV espousing the many benefits of a Casio label printer (“Look how easy it could be to label all your folders in just a couple easy steps!” If he had 90 bucks he’d buy the thing in a heartbeat).

“Me being late or Mr Jameson yelling?”

“The yelling. You don’t seem the type to run late.”

“The yelling, pretty regularly, yes, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. As for running late – I don’t. Ever . Today I just…”

“Family emergency.” Gym Guy nods like he gets it, like he knows exactly what happened despite Meng Yao not breathing a word of it to anyone at all. “No explanation needed as far as I’m concerned, especially if it’s not something you make a habit out of.”

Meng Yao blinks and tries to think of something clever to say, but between such a long stressful day and Gym Guy’s close proximity outside of their typical routine when he first arrives and Meng Yao can be prepared for it, Meng Yao’s thoughts are feeling a little too scrambled to be very clever at the moment.

“Right. Yeah. Thanks..?” Meng Yao trails off a little with a bit of a leading tone in his voice, and finally - after a frankly embarrassingly long time - Gym Guy seems to realize that they don’t actually know each other. He hurries to stick out one of his stupid enormous hands that Meng Yao has his little weekly crises over, and Meng Yao can’t be sure but it looks like his cheeks might be just a touch pink in the unflattering glow of the halogen lights overhead.

“Nie Mingjue.”

Meng Yao slips his hand into Nie Mingjue’s and absolutely does not have a second, slightly smaller crisis over how small his own palm is in comparison. That’s just the same crisis in a different flavor, it barely counts.

“Well thank you, Nie Mingjue.”

“Anytime.”

Gym Guy – Nie Mingjue, he mentally corrects himself, though he’s pretty sure he’ll always be ‘Gym Guy’ in his head – goes back to his seat by the TV set, Meng Yao returns to his filing, and just like that their usual weekly pattern resumes.

Right up until Nie Mingjue leaves a business card behind on his way out, with what seems to be a pager number scribbled on the back with the same shitty blue ballpoint pen Glenda down the street uses for her crosswords every Sunday evening.

-/-

“Let me get this straight,” Lan Xichen begins, poorly concealing a laugh behind his indulgent smile, and Nie Mingjue grumbles at him as he focuses on flipping a massive pancake with an expert flick of his wrist.

“Must you?”

“Well yes, darling, because it’s a bit unclear. You went to do the gym laundry on Wednesday evening like usual, yes?”

“Yes,” Nie Mingjue agrees begrudgingly, with the feeling that he’s walking into a trap.

“And the same young man who always mans the counter was there, but he seemed like he wasn’t feeling well?”

“No, he looked like he was injured . He wasn’t moving right.” Nie Mingjue ignores the amused little hum Lan Xichen offers in response to that. (It’s not weird to know how someone moves! It’s his job to make sure he keeps an eye on how people are moving, to make sure that he can prevent injuries before they happen or else prevent existing injuries from worsening. It’s normal!)

“So he was injured, but you didn’t ask about it because it would be rude and possibly a little…alarming to tell him that you’ve noticed him moving differently than usual. That much I understand. And then he got a phone call?”

Nie Mingjue grunts an assent before he elaborates. “Sounded like it was Mark Jameson. Fucking hate that guy.” The pancake takes the brunt of his irritation as he flips it perhaps too aggressively onto the plate waiting next to the griddle. He places a few sliced strawberries beside it much less aggressively and turns to set the plate in front of his boyfriend where he’s perched at the bar counter, and the kiss to his cheek Lan Xichen gives him soothes him only a little.

“And this would be the Mark Jameson who makes a nuisance of himself at every City Commerce Board meeting, and is generally belligerent to anyone and everyone no matter the circumstances?”

“That’s the one.”

“I see. So Mark Jameson, the belligerent drunk who owns the laundromat whom you hate, called to yell at this very polite and wonderful young man whom you quite like – who always knows precisely what you want without you having to say it anymore after having only told him once before, nearly a year ago. And Mr Jameson berated him for upwards of 20 minutes within your hearing?”

Nie Mingjue glares daggers at the new circle of batter bubbling sluggishly on the only functional hot spot on the griddle, mildly pissed that it isn’t ready to flip yet so he can’t vent his anger that way again so soon.

“Yes. And then like I already said , Meng Yao told me that Jameson yells at him all the time despite the fact that every time I see him he’s doing exactly what it seems like he should be – and more! He’s always doing something to keep himself busy, not just reading a magazine or watching the TV to pass the time, even when it’s just the two of us in there and I clearly don’t need anything.”

“And so you offered him a job instead…to get him away from Mr Jameson?”

Nie Mingjue huffs and feels his neck heat up because, well…Lan Xichen does have a point in not being able to follow the thread from there. Because no, Nie Mingjue hadn’t.. quite ..offered him a job.

“I left my card,” he mutters and flips the pancake even though it’s still too early. Almost half of it sticks to the griddle he’d forgotten to grease between pancakes, but since he’ll be eating this one he doesn’t bother caring. “With my number on it.”

“The landline at the gym?”

“...My beeper.”

There’s a beat of silence save for the quiet sizzle of his pancake, and then Lan Xichen bursts into delighted giggles so infectious that Nie Mingjue can’t even be upset with him. It is fairly ridiculous after all, especially since he hadn’t even given Meng Yao the card directly but had instead just left it on the seat he always uses, the one with the best view of the TV up in the corner as well as the farthest from the counter to avoid possibly making Meng Yao uncomfortable when they’re alone late into the evenings.

He flips his pancake onto the second waiting plate and lets Lan Xichen douse it in syrup and whipped cream for him – their shared tendency to eat healthily is nowhere to be seen when they eat breakfast together at the Nie house (and need the extra calories anyway) – and thankfully then Lan Xichen is too busy kissing whipped cream and sugared strawberry juice from his lips to bother him anymore about his awkward attempts at getting Meng Yao out of what’s clearly a tough spot.

But then, come Monday morning, he discovers that for some reason it actually worked .

“Nie Mingjue,” Meng Yao greets him when Nie Mingjue shows up at 6:30am on the dot to start getting the gym ready to open at 7. He’s standing in front of the doors, hands clasped tightly together in front of him, anxiety written into every line of his body as Nie Mingjue approaches.

“Meng Yao.”

They stare at each other for a moment in the clammy early June humidity already clinging to the small of Nie Mingjue’s back before Meng Yao sucks in a sharp breath and sticks a hand out between them, Nie Mingjue’s business card pinched neatly between his first two fingers.

“Nie Mingjue, I’m flattered and everything but-”

“Come work for me.”

Nie Mingjue blinks as the half-finished rejection registers, and Meng Yao blinks up at him looking both similarly startled and just as uncertain how to proceed.

“Excuse me?” Meng Yao finally manages with his usual smile pinched into place. Nie Mingjue clears his throat and comforts himself with the fact that the Unclean Realm is the earliest business in the strip mall to open, so no one in this gossiping little micro-community he has to see on a daily basis is present to witness him already blundering his way through something that should be so simple.

“I can tell you work hard, and your memory seems pretty fucking good. Jameson’s an asshole who can’t see a good thing when he’s staring one right in the face, let alone appreciate what he’s got, so..if you’re interested…”

“A job,” Meng Yao repeats in a way that should probably be a question. Nie Mingjue nods just in case it was meant to be one even though it didn’t quite sound like it. “Here. Doing what, exactly?”

Nie Mingjue shrugs a bit and crosses his arms over his chest, though he drops them again instantly (Lan Xichen has told him it makes him look intimidating, and the last thing he wants to do is scare Meng Yao off). “Front of house? I run a few courses throughout the week, but it’s hard to find time to do all the administrative parts of it when I’m also running the classes and doing personal training sessions in between them. Members can pay their dues any day throughout the month, which can get tough to keep track of amongst everything else. I’ve got electricity bills and rent to pay, documents from the last…oh, ten years or so? that should really be filed properly…”

Nie Mingjue trails off into amused silence at the downright dreamy look that’s crept over Meng Yao’s expression. It takes a few long seconds – in which a single rustbucket car passes by on the main road off to the left already blaring something loud and grungy despite the hour – before Meng Yao seems to give himself a little shake and the dreamy expression is gone, replaced by his usual polite smile.

“I was under the impression that your brother assists you?” Meng Yao asks, and Nie Mingjue is once again impressed with his ability to recall even the most insignificant details he’d probably mentioned in passing months or more ago.

“Stick around and try it out for a week and you’ll understand exactly why I need you instead.”

That dreamy look slips back in for a fraction of a second before it’s gone again so quickly Nie Mingjue wonders if he imagined it. Between one second and the next, though, Meng Yao is once again holding out his hand, although this time there’s nothing caught between his fingers. Cautiously, mildly afraid of spooking him, Nie Mingjue reaches across the distance between them to shake Meng Yao’s hand a couple times.

“When should I start?” Meng Yao asks. Nie Mingjue can’t do anything at all to stop the smug smirk that twitches at the corner of his lips at the thought of telling Lan Xichen he didn’t actually fuck this up at all.

“Soon as you want? I don’t think Mark Jameson is the kind of bastard who deserves a two-week notice and it’s not like I’ll be calling him for a reference anyway, but I’ll leave that up to you.”

“I’d like to not burn bridges if I don’t have to, so I’ll at least work out a week’s notice, if that’s alright?” Meng Yao hedges, nervous around the edges. “And I’m assuming this isn’t another night shift gig-”

Nie Mingjue winces just a little and shakes his head, abruptly remembering that while his day’s just beginning, at this time of morning Meng Yao must be practically ready to pass out after a full shift through the night at the laundromat.

“Days, yeah. You don’t have to come in as early as I do if you don’t want to, though.”

Meng Yao hums without comment, but Nie Mingue thinks he can safely assume, even from the little that he knows about the other man, that he’ll be there every morning at 6:30, on the dot, just like him.

“And next week works just fine,” Nie Mingjue adds to be on the safe side. Meng Yao’s shoulders relax a little more and Nie Mingjue finds himself feeling a little smug about that too. It’s a nice feeling to know he can actually make someone feel relaxed (besides Lan Xichen, everyone else tends to get a bit…wary when he’s around. Even [or maybe especially] his own brother).

“Will you need an extra day or two after to get your sleep schedule switched around?”

“I can fix it quickly. I’ll be in a week from today.”

Meng Yao leaves just like that with a sweet smile up at him in parting, seeming…lighter than he has every other time their paths have crossed. Nie Mingjue watches him go with something like satisfaction tugging at the corner of a little smile of his own.

Lan Xichen’s poorly-concealed surprise (and his fond amusement) when Nie Mingjue tells him the news is only surpassed by the betrayed glare Nie Huaisang gives him when he tells his brother he’s being replaced (but that it does not give him an excuse to stop showing up at the gym entirely!).

-/-

AUGUST

It somehow always manages to catch Lan Xichen by surprise that the hottest days of summer are so late in the year. When June sweeps in on thunderheads and blistering winds after the cool rains of May it seems like that must be the hottest the days will become, sticky and threatening with rumbles off in the distance, felt more than heard. Or when July burns hot enough to turn the sky white and the asphalt cracks apart between puddles of shimmering heat, and the kids from the apartments down the street all dare each other to see if they can really fry an egg on the blacktop before Madam Yu or Lan Qiren chases them off with a round of scolding – surely those days are the peak of summer?

But then August comes, with its golden days that melt into molasses evenings, the sun rising in a flurry of hot winds and lingering high overhead for long hours, refusing to set properly until well after the fireflies have settled back into the rustling yellowed grass for the night and the trees are holding their breath, waiting for the brief respite of a hot sticky night before the sun burns overhead again.

Lan Xichen stands at the front windows of Cloud Recesses and looks across the foreboding expanse of the parking lot – that reminds him of nothing today so much as the griddle Nie Mingjue makes them pancakes on every Sunday morning – towards the squat bulk of the Unclean Realm Fitness Center with a sort of restless itching under his skin that he doesn’t think he can blame on the thin layer of sweat-salt dusting his back and arms.

“I’d like to have dinner at Lotus Pier tonight,” he tells Lan Qiren when his Uncle finishes locking up the safe in the back for the night. “I heard from Wangji that they made a big batch of liang mian for lunch and offered the leftovers to anyone who wants them for dinner tonight.”

Lan Qiren just nods and glares out at the heat mirages winking in the cups and dips of the parking lot that’s badly in need of re-tarring it’ll probably never see. “I’ll make some tonight with cucumber and sesame for you and Wangji to eat tomorrow, you shouldn’t eat anything hot with the weather like this.”

“Thank you, Uncle, that would be appreciated.”

“Hmph. Be home by midnight.”

“Yes Uncle,” Lan Xichen agrees easily. Perhaps most would think he should chafe at being in his 20’s and still beholden to a curfew, but anyone who would think such things wouldn’t have had Lan Qiren for a guardian as a teenager and known how short the leash could be. (Besides, he knows his Uncle can’t sleep until he and Wangji are both home safe, and the curfew is more out of courtesy to him and his sleep schedule than it is any desire to control Lan Xichen’s freedom too much.)

Lan Qiren offers another nod and allows Lan Xichen to open the door for him, heat billowing into the cold vacuum of the shop and heating Lan Xichen’s face. They live close enough to the Jianghu Center to walk to and from work, and so Lan Xichen lingers there at the windows until he sees Lan Qiren disappear across the street and around the corner, headed for their tree-dense neighborhood, and only then does he turn his attention back to the windowed front of the Unclean Realm – where he spots Meng Yao’s teasing glance through the door over the sign he deftly flips over to ‘Closed’ with a smile.

Lan Xichen does not, as a general rule, scramble . Lan Qiren raised him and Lan Wangji to carry themselves with dignity. They even both took ballet lessons as children to help with such important things as grace, and balance, and giving Lan Qiren free time three evenings a week to gossip with the aunties who run the Asian market down the street.

He does, however, hurry (gracefully) to finish locking up the shop and head across the parking lot to that beckoning gaze, the lingering heat of the day settling under his skin like the pleased flush already darkening his ears.

“Hello A-Yao,” he greets as warmly as the air outside as he shuts and locks the door to the gym behind himself.

“Hi Er-ge. You’re so…prompt,” Meng Yao teases him with a smile and a pointed tap of a sheaf of papers on his desk to align them. Lan Xichen can’t even remotely deny it, so instead he shrugs (gracefully) and offers up an unapologetic smile.

“Where’s A-Sang?”

“Jiang Cheng took him out for dinner and then they’re going to the arcade, I believe.”

“Didi’s been running his mouth off for weeks about getting the highest score in Dragon’s Lair, so Jiang Cheng told him he has to either do it again to prove it or else shut the fuck up,” Nie Mingjue calls through the open door to his office behind the front desk. “And we’re all very grateful.”

“I see,” Lan Xichen laughs with a lift of his chin and Meng Yao dimples up at him so sweetly that Lan Xichen doesn’t resist the urge to lean over the vinyl counter displaying the gym’s name and logo to press a shy kiss to his cheek. This… thing that the three of them are apparently doing for real – for the long haul – is still new enough that it sets his stomach fluttering each time he remembers he’s allowed to show such little affections, and judging by the way Meng Yao blushes he’s similarly shy but equally as pleased to be doted on.

He leaves Meng Yao tidying up his workspace for the evening and continues on into Nie Mingjue’s office to give his other boyfriend a kiss to his cheek as well, one that’s more comfortable, like coming home at the end of a long day, but no less thrilling for the mundanity of it.

“Hi,” Nie Mingjue greets, happy and soft around the edges, so Lan Xichen kisses him again on his forehead and lingers long enough to taste the salt on his skin. Their air conditioner has long since been fixed, of course, but Meng Yao’s administrative skills (and eagerness to help with any other tasks that need doing) means that Nie Mingjue is now able to teach classes all day long, and no amount of AC in the world can completely combat the sort of rigorous workout Nie Mingjue now gets on a daily basis.

“Hello darling. Will I go get things set up out back?”

“Yeah sure, but there’s not much to do. The chairs are still set up from last time, just need the noodles from next door. A-Yao’s already got the Igloo under the desk stocked up, I’ll take it out when we’re done in here.”

Lan Xichen, pleased to have a task that’ll help keep him from distracting either of his boyfriends as they finish up for the day, heads over to Lotus Pier to snag the noodles Jiang Yanli had at some point this afternoon portioned out nicely for everyone in the shopping center in a small army of takeout containers topped with paper-wrapped chopsticks, and he makes sure to thank her as he snags the containers labeled for his family, the Nie brothers, and Meng Yao. She gives him a wave and a sweet smile from over the sizzling wok she’s dutifully manning despite the heat of the day, but in the interest of not distracting her during the start of the dinner rush he doesn’t linger for a chat like he otherwise might. As he crosses back over to the gym he’s pleased to hear the rattling and creaking of the deck chairs Nie Mingjue now keeps stashed outside the utility door for evenings just like this.

Lan Xichen rounds the corner of the building and smiles to see Nie Mingjue just getting settled into his preferred seat, a lounger that someone (probably the Jiang brothers during an ill-advised nighttime spree with Nie Huaisang) stole from the local pool. Wherever it came from, it now serves as a perfect place for Nie Mingjue to stretch out his tired muscles and soak up the honey heat of the evening to relax. Lan Xichen lingers just out of sight to watch Meng Yao smile at him as he perches in his lap to pass him a beer, the brown glass bottle already covered in citrine crystals, droplets of condensation reflecting the same sun that limns them both in late-summer gold.

“Ah, our beloved hero returns,” Meng Yao says happily when he spots him. “And with enough noodles to feed an entire army, Da-ge!”

“They’re not all for us, but I figured it’s no use bothering them twice during the dinner rush to fetch everyone else’s,” Lan Xichen answers magnanimously with a little slap to Nie Mingjue’s grasping hand reaching for the container marked ‘Teacher Lan’. He doles out the proper containers quickly, sets the rest safely out of reach of Nie Mingjue pinned under Meng Yao, and settles into his creaking chair with a happy sigh, more than content to enjoy their presence as they eat together in companionable silence.

Unsurprisingly, Nie Mingjue finishes his portion first. Lan Xichen watches in amused silence as he sets his container aside, drains his beer in a few long pulls with swallows that make his pronounced adam’s apple bob, and then sets that aside as well to leave his hands free to start feeling up Meng Yao almost lazily. Lan Xichen settles in with one leg crossed primly over the other, elbows on the hard metal arms of his pool chair, and smirks around his next bite to see Meng Yao pout and swat half-heartedly at Nie Mingjue’s shamelessly roaming hands.

“I’m eating , Da-ge,” he scolds, his wrist in front of his lips to attempt to stay polite while talking with his mouth full, and Nie Mingjue’s happy chuckling settles something deep in Lan Xichen’s chest. He’d worried when they’d started this that he would grow jealous after spending so long pursuing his best friend and having really only just caught him for keeps, but so far he’s only been happy that there’s one more person in Nie Mingjue’s life who can make him laugh and feel as adored as he deserves (and who laughs and allows them to adore him in return, as well). 

“I’m not stopping you from eating, A-Yao, and this is your fault for flirting with me all day when I couldn’t do anything about it anyway.”

“I was not flirting , I was picking up after your class of heathens left their pads and foam blocks all over the floor!”

“And how did you know which incident I was talking about specifically if you weren’t sticking your ass out on purpose to rile me up, huh?”

Lan Xichen laughs out loud then and leans forward, stands up just enough to duck in and press a conciliatory kiss to Meng Yao’s cheek while he grumbles half-heartedly and stabs his chopsticks into his noodles with more viciousness than they deserve.

Nie Mingjue doesn’t stop his wandering hands but Meng Yao doesn’t protest again, he simply finishes his dinner quickly and sets his container aside to turn and lounge back against Nie Mingjue’s broad chest properly with every visible effort to get comfortable, sinking into him and cracking open a water bottle to sip on carefully as dusk falls soft and purple-blue around them.

“Xichen, c’mere,” Nie Mingjue eventually mumbles when he finishes his own portion. There’s no question anymore about how they’ll all fit together – Meng Yao parts his legs enough to give him room to straddle Nie Mingjue’s thighs just above his knees, and then Meng Yao brings his legs back in to drape them over Lan Xichen’s thighs in turn, the three of them tangling together easily to the tune of the complaining creaks from sun-bleached vinyl straps and the metal frame of the chair. 

Lan Xichen ignores the furniture’s protest in favor of leaning in to kiss his partners indiscriminately, lips catching on and skating across sun- and blush-warmed skin. Meng Yao’s delicate ear. The tip of Nie Mingjue’s nose. Nie Mingjue’s lips first, then Meng Yao’s when he turns his head to seek him out for his turn.

He and Nie Mingjue have fit together seamlessly since the day they both realized they want to, but there’s something special about having Meng Yao between them like this, soft and warm and trusting in the hazy dark. The streetlamps out in the parking lot and down by the road click on with their low electrical fizzing buzz, but here behind the gym, among the plumbing pipes and their new hulking AC units now silent for the night to save electricity, there’s none of that harsh orange glow. There’s only the three of them in the slowly-oozing night, comfortable in their shadows and the sticky August gloaming, too hot to be so close but unwilling to part for long enough to let the breeze cool them into getting comfortable again.

Nie Mingjue’s hands skate up and down Lan Xichen’s back, his sides. Meng Yao’s hands tangle in his hair, cup the back of his neck. Lan Xichen kisses them both with lazy appreciation, his entire world narrowed down to the two men underneath him that he hopes know how much he loves them, even though Meng Yao is such a recent (but vital) addition to their relationship.

True night falls as they make out and they pay it no mind tangled up together, trading kisses and quiet laughter and anecdotes about their days all with the same ease in their first perfect August together.

-/-

BONUS

“It’s alright, A-Cheng, I promise,” Nie Huaisang wheedles as he unlocks the door to the gym and drags his newly-minted boyfriend (!) into the dark, absolute except for the squares of dull orange cutting through the gloom from the streetlamps out in the parking lot. He drags Jiang Cheng quickly, eagerly away from the front windows and further into the darkened building, more than confident in his ability to wend his way through the obstacles of machines and equipment without injury.

“You’re sure your brother isn’t here?” Jiang Cheng asks, dubious, and Nie Huaisang wishes the lights were on so his boyfriend (!!) could see him pouting at him over his shoulder for his lack of trust.

“I told you, he always goes straight home after he locks up! He’s always talking about responsibility and duty and ‘eating a hearty dinner’ and ‘getting enough rest’. So boring! But good for us now, I suppose, so maybe I can forgive him.”

“How kind of you,” Jiang Cheng says dryly enough Nie Huaisang doesn’t have to be able to see him to know he’s rolling his eyes at him.

“I know! I’m the best didi, aren’t I?”

“You’re something alright,” Jiang Cheng mutters under his breath, but he squeezes Nie Huaisang’s hand tightly and then brings it up to his lips to kiss his knuckles, which is just so unbelievably sweet that Nie Huaisang can forgive him his sass. (As if it isn’t part of what he likes so much about Jiang Cheng anyway.)

“Come on, we’ll just grab some soda and head out back, okay? No one’ll look for us out there, even if Da-ge does happen to come back out here for some reason tonight.”

“Sure,” Jiang Cheng shrugs easily, so trusting. Nie Huaisang squeezes his hand back and guides him through the gym, steals a few cans of Coke from the fridge under the front desk by feel, and manages to sneak a kiss when he straightens back up. He tows Jiang Cheng through the gym while his boyfriend (!!!) recovers from such a devastating surprise attack, and Nie Huaisang is so busy being pleased with himself that he wouldn’t have even stopped at the back door had Jiang Cheng not tugged on his hand and hissed a frantic, “ Wait, stop, A-Sang! ”

“What’s wrong?” he asks, bewildered, and then his eyes make sense of what he can see through the glass-paneled back door and he barely manages to stifle his yelp in the back of Jiang Cheng’s hand still laced with his own.

The space behind the gym is as dark as he’d expected it to be – he’d brought Jiang Cheng here for a reason after all – so the tangled mess of limbs and disheveled clothing looks a bit like some sort of eldritch Lovecraftian monster before it crystalizes into the distinct forms of his brother making out with not one but two men, who he quickly identifies as Meng Yao by his gray Unclean Realm t-shirt and Lan Xichen by his white Cloud Recesses polo practically glowing in the dark.

“Whoa,” Jiang Cheng breathes from over his shoulder, and Nie Huaisang finds he suddenly understands how Nie Mingjue feels every time he’s confronted with Nie Huaisang’s interest in erotica. There is nothing chaste about the way Nie Mingjue has his hands hiked up under Lan Xichen’s shirt or the way Meng Yao is rolling his hips in between the two of them, and Nie Huaisang feels like his face is on fire.

“Oh my god. Oh no,” he breathes, despairing. “A-Cheng…I think my brother fucks .”

Jiang Cheng snorts at that and releases his hand to swat his ass lightly. “Clearly. So…what now? Your place is clearly unoccupied considering what we’re looking at.”

Nie Huaisang swallows and tears his gaze away from the spectacle he wishes he’d never seen and momentarily tables his fantasy of burning the deck chairs Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian had stolen for him when he’d complained about having nowhere to sit outside to hang out with them.

“A-Cheng,” he whines, pleading. “This is a crisis !”

“A-Sang, you’re the horniest person I’ve ever met,” Jiang Cheng snorts, and now that Nie Huaisang has turned to look at him he can see just how hard his boyfriend (!!!!) is trying not to laugh at his torment. “What’s the big deal? That he fucks more than you?”

“Oh and if you walked in on your parents like that -” he jams his thumb over his shoulder towards the three out back- “You’d be totally cool and ready to do it with me two seconds later?”

Jiang Cheng’s expression twists in distaste and Nie Huaisang knows his point has been thoroughly made, so there’s no need to gloat about it.

“Ugh. Ew. Take me home, A-Cheng, my delicate constitution can’t handle this. I’m in shock. Shock, I tell you. Come take care of me.”

“You’re so weird,” Jiang Cheng mutters but takes his hand again anyway and they hurry to leave the gym – and Nie Mingjue’s shocking sex life – far enough behind them for Nie Huaisang to pretend he never had to witness it in the first place.

[futureseaempress]

It’s Beas nice ask day!

So my question for you: What is your craziest “truth is stranger than fiction” moment you have experienced in real life

oh me oh my i have like a billion moments like these...

i gotta say its tied between (okay going under the cut cause im a clown who must dance)

So on a dark and stormy night, my stoner roommate and I were trying to trace back why our dryer just wasn't getting clothes dry quickly. Only problem: our electrical is under our house in a crawl space and our house is situated on an UNEVEN hill. So you have to be mighty tiny to crawl into the right places.

Good news: I am small.

Bad news: I am horribly claustrophobic and cannot enter this spot without my brain SCREAMING that the house will collapse on me.

So we go under the house anyway calling up to our other roomies (beauties who are watching reality tv on the couch and laughing at us) to help us echo locate where we oughta be.

Bubba bumps his back on SOMETHING but we don't pay it any mind, he's okay and we can't get where we need to anyway. I give up and go shower to get the red clay and cobwebs off and he goes to idk smoke weed. BUT oh no

the water

it's no longer running

...

oh shit

what did we accidentally do???

i hop back into my clothes and my beat up nikes to go explore. We're turning knobs and levers we've never even seen before while our roomie calls to us updates from topside.

we're pacing the property

at a complete loss

then

just as we're about to go to a hotel for the night and call someone to get us water for the next day

i hit my head on SOMETHING under the house

i hear a loud WHOOOOOOOOOOOOSH

and my beautiful roommate shouting "WATER'S BACK"

same beautiful roommate

about two years prior

im heeming and hawing about how my only family in our city is a gay hair stylist who primarily works in the african american women's beauty industry... i've only met him twice, but he was really kind to me and im hoping that as the only gays we might bond. but it's also weird bc he robbed my grandma and pawned all my moms gold jewelry from the half a year they lived in Saudi Arabia. and also the only thing we have in common is growing up in a very small town in a different state and now living in a big city.

and im describing my neil patrick harris look alike of an uncle

and my roommate this look on her face

and she asks "have you ever seen chris rock's documentary Good Hair?" and i say "no of course i have not."

and she says "well i know you love Ice T i thought maybe" and i say "while i love him my knowledge is VERY lacking" and she takes a knee and swears to me that "as a black woman [she] must educate [me, her] white compatriot"

and the whole lead up in this documentary is all the contestants for this hair competition saying their biggest fear

and

every

single

one

man, woman, new to the game, old hat

are afraid of one man

.... Jason.

AND WHO IS JASON?? IF NOT MY GAY AS THE DAY IS LONG WHITE TWINK UNCLE. WHO WHEN I FIRST MET MY GRANDMOTHER FAILED TO MENTION HAD ANY RELATION TO US AND UPON THE SECOND MEETING (at said grandmothers funeral) MY MOM ASKED HO WI COULD POSSIBLY KNOW HIM. HE ONCE STOLE THE FAMILY GOLD FROM SAUDI ARABIA AND COULD HAVE BEEN ROBBED OF THIS ENTIRE EXPERIENCE AS HE WAS IN AN AIRPORT HEADING TO NEW YORK BUT HIS FLIGHT GOT DELAYED ON 9-11 AND HE USED TO HAVE A WIFE AND HAS A SON BY HER AND HE'S THE MOST INTERESTING MAN I HAVE EVER MET.

anyway these are my stories

DUN DUN