#irl drove me crazy but !!!

[frostbite-yinny]

You guys really don't have adoption fees? Woah. I always pay for my pets. It's framed as a 'donation', and it helps the rescues pay for their intakes' care. No wonder you're so overworked, they literally can't afford you.

Since we already rely on donations they couldn't implement an adoption fee. This is technically charity since our primary Pokemon are vulnerable ones.

They genuinely can't. Like, I'm pretty sure the pay is good because they don't want to risk me leaving. Kinda feel a bit dumb since I am the only one who bothers to stay here.

But, well, someone has to.

[vcnusians]

gareththegreat asked: i should be getting home... but i could be convinced to stay. // deana! i need more time with you | accepting !

at first, deana seems to blank as if she's unsure of what to say. she doesn't want to be alone. no ... she wants him to stay with her, it dawns on her. deciding she hasn't quite had enough of his company yet tonight, an almost secret smile teases at the corner of her lips and her deep espresso hues begin to glimmer with a mischievous fire. "iiii have a new movie we can watch." whether she rented it or it 'magically disappeared' from family video, she'll never tell. "and some of the good stuff," she adds, holding up a bottle of liquor and dangling it playfully. she pauses, getting more ideas and ultimately playing the cute card with her lashes fluttering and her sweetest little smile, eyes never flickering from his for even a second. not everyone gets to experience her coquettish charm; she typically keeps people at an arm's length and observes others until she really feels safe around them, careful about being a little too vulnerable but an opportunity like this is almost impossible to resist. "please? besides... i like hanging out with you." a simple sentiment, but there's something else lingering in her tone as if she's holding back an understatement. that she wants more time with him. she doesn't break eye contact, looking as cute as possible and waiting for him to decide not to call it a night so soon. she's really hoping he stays with her.

[daeluin]

Hey 👋

Favourite fall out boy songs??

every single one??? im sorry this may sound lame but ive already said it before i can't pick a favorite one 😭 it's like asking me to pick a favorite child, i just can't do it

[heartsforhavik]

hi i was wondering if you would do headcannons of the yan!fanboy if reader actually noticed him coming to all their shows and events

obsessed (superfan! yandere boy x gn!popstar reader)

warnings: stalking, average yandere tendencies, nsfw, perverted yandere, gender neutral reader, mentions of naked reader but no genitalia addressed, dom reader, reader is compliant with the yandere and teases him a ton, lowercase intended. btw i do not condone yanderes irl.

a/n: i hope y'all know i read every single one of your asks, comments, and reblogs. i appreciate them all and they do brighten my day. i'm just saying this so y'all know that the stuff you send to other writers (not just me) matters a lot!! when you interact it gives them inspiration!!! and motivation!! me personally sometimes i see ONE kind reblog and i immediately get my ass up and start writing something just because of that one person. don't get me wrong, i still love all my lurkers that silently like a ton of my stuff, y'all are important too. anyways i'll shut up now onto the hcs. (btw this ended up being a fic instead of hcs i apologize. i went crazy over this i'm sorry anon LMAO)

"hey, you look pretty familiar. have you been to a few shows before?" you asked kindly, facing the short man in the front row of the audience.

bayani froze as the stadium's screens pointed to him. he opened his mouth in an attempt to say something, but nothing came out. his face went red and his throat went dry. did you actually notice him, or was he just dreaming?

after a few seconds of waiting for an answer, you shrugged. "sorry, maybe i mistook you for someone else. anyways..."

the yandere boy still didn't move, with his mouth agape, as you continued on with your show. the people around bayani didn't seem to care, assuming that he was just a starstruck fan. but it was more than that. much more than that.

out of the millions of fans that attend your shows and events, you recognized him among them. you noticed him. and he didn't know how to handle it. what was he supposed to say? what would you even talk about? sure, he's seen all of your interviews and heard your music and dissected your lyrics for hours every single day, but would you ever want to interact with him as much as he wanted to interact with you? he was just a lowlife. he had an average job, average amount of money, he lived in a shitty apartment, and he had no friends or major accomplishments. all of his free time outside of work was spent on you. spent on following your every move and investigating everything you've put your hands on. if you ever spoke to him, you'd probably think he was some sort of pathetic stalker.

that thought drove him mad. he couldn't even focus on the rest of your concert. he didn't hear the blaring music and screams from the crowd. he wasn't paying attention to your performance, either.

he could only stand there and imagine the punishments you'd inflict on him if you found out about his obsession. would you call your security to take him away? he'd hope not. if he's going to be kicked and pushed around, perhaps even handcuffed, he'd rather you do the job rather than some random guard. but maybe he'd accept the punishment, only because you were the one who deemed it necessary. he takes your word like gospel, so he'll take whatever punishment you want, even though he would prefer your hands on him while you do it.

his imagination ran wild as your concert finished and you walked off the stage with your dancers. the crowd of fans in the stadium dispersed around him, moving along with their day. but bayani couldn't just move on with his day knowing that you know he exists now. how is he supposed to simply move on from that? he spent a long time making sure you never noticed him. even though he attended every single one of your concerts and events, he did not want to be noticed. he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it. but it finally happened. he finally got a taste of what it's like to be seen by the love of his life. he couldn't just leave it at that. he had to do something about it.

being under your gaze, even if it was only a few seconds, made him feel like he went to heaven. it made all of the hundreds of dollars he spent on you worth it. all of the hours he spent listening to your music and watching videos of you was worth it. it was like he awoke from a slumber. a long, miserable slumber. he had to find a way to thank you. say something to you. he messed up when he simply froze after you saw him. who knows when he'll get another chance like that?

it took a few hours for the stadium to be empty, and the security started to shoo bayani away. but when he went outside, the parking lot was still full. your concert ended hours ago, but there was still loads of cars trying to leave. it would be frustrating, but bayani had to find a way out quickly.

he climbed on the back of a nearby truck and rested his legs there, waiting patiently for the vehicle to move out of the traffic. even though he knew the truck wouldn't go anywhere near your mansion, he knew how to get to your house on foot. he only needed to rest on the truck until the traffic was gone.

after a few hours on the road, he jumped out of the vehicle, and started to walk to your mansion on foot. he didn't need to look up the location online, because he already knew where it was. he visited your home many times in the past, he just never attempted to go inside before.

his veins were on fire and he started to sweat the closer he got. he was starting to have second thoughts about his idea. but there was no time to go back, because he already showed up to your house before he could change his plans.

to get inside, he had to climb up a tree, jump off of it, and land in your backyard. he used that trick often in the past, since it was not his first time going to your house. he often snuck on your property to watch or take pictures of you while you slept.

he tried opening your bedroom window, but it was locked. he had to try a different one.

he went over to a window beside your bedroom, and thankfully, it was unlocked. but the moment he opened the window, he heard the sound of water running and your familiar voice humming a song. were you in the shower?

bayani climbed inside as quietly as possible, and closed the window behind him. his suspicions were correct. he was in your bathroom, and you were taking a shower. your curtains covered up your figure, so he couldn't see you.

bayani looked to the side of the room and saw a pile of your dirty clothes on the floor. he ran up to it and immediately took a large whiff at the pile. it smelled divine to him. he couldn't get enough of it. he quickly spotted your used underwear in the pile and snatched it without thinking, then he stuffed it in his pocket. you wouldn't notice, right?

before he could take the rest of your clothes, the water suddenly stopped. bayani ran to hide, in a spot where you couldn't see him but he could see you. you opened the shower curtains and stepped out with a towel in your hands. you were completely naked, and still drenched in water. bayani felt like he died and went to heaven again that day. he couldn't believe what he was seeing. you were completely naked, right in front of his eyes. ignoring the puddle in his pants, he nervously fumbled around his pockets, trying to find his phone. there was no way he could pass up an opportunity like this. without hesitation, he snapped a photo of you.

but he didn't notice that the flash was on.

he froze, and you looked towards him. neither of you said a word, and bayani saw his future flash before his eyes. you would probably scream for security and he would get taken away to prison, never to see your face again. his life would be over.

"you're the guy i've been seeing everywhere, huh?" you whispered.

"...are you going to, uh... send me away?" bayani gulped.

you thought about it for a moment. this guy clearly cared a lot about you, because you saw him literally everywhere you went. no matter what country you visited, he was always there. even if you didn't tell a single soul where you were going, he was somehow always there. you even saw him on your property a few times, so you knew how crazy he was. but you still let him do it. and you never reported him, either. you knew exactly what he wanted. you could always hear him moaning outside your window, knowing he would have one hand down his pants and a camera on the other.

he was cute, so why not have some fun with him?

"come here." you commanded. he followed your order without thinking, immediately falling down to his knees in front of you.

you grabbed his chin, and made him look up at you. he felt hot tears well up in his eyes as you stared him down. he didn't say a word, but you knew exactly what he was thinking.

you pressed your knee against the wet stain on his pants, and he let out a pathetic whimper. he was getting off on it.

he didn't know what to do. his dreams were finally coming true. he got noticed by you, got into your house, saw you naked, and you finally touched him. he was overwhelmed, and started crying. he didn't mean to look so weak in front of you for a first impression, but he couldn't help it. besides, he'd make a fool out of himself any day for you.

"you're so pathetic.. you've been stalking me for so long, and now you break into my house to see me naked. i could call the police and have you arrested..." you whispered, as you started putting more pressure on his crotch, moving your knee up and down on it, and inching your face closer to his.

he sobbed, “please, don't! i promise, it'll never happen again. i'll stop, i'll do whatever you want, i'll-"

you cut him off by connecting your lips to his, setting his heart on fire. you pulled away after a few seconds, leaving him speechless. there's no way you just kissed him. he had to be dreaming.

and then you moved your knee away from his crotch right before he could cum, making him let out a whimper and crumble to the ground.

"thanks for letting me have some fun with you. we can do this again soon.. if you be a good boy and return my underwear." you winked, walking away and leaving bayani a hard, pathetic, leaking mess on your bathroom floor.

[starminzoo]

╭──────────────────✎

╰─▗ ▘➤𖥸 style of seduction

꒰ risa's note ꒱ omg I lost my mind when I saw these pics and had to blow the steam of by sharing a piece of my thoughts with you hope you guys enjoy :D (god ilysm san) (not proof read tho)

warnings: smut, unprotected sex (wrap IRL), jealous behavior, jealous sex? , alot of adoration and appreciation for our beloved Choi San

you have been gripping onto the remaining sanity you have left inside of you but your loving boyfriend is making it hard for you to hold yourself together lately since the pictures he posted and keeps posting on, you had been on edge. you blamed God who made him so beautiful so elegantly, you know he carved him gently and took his precious time in making him oh you were 100% sure. and him being away from you made it more hard for you to control yourself, you just wanted to pounce on him and shower his face with kisses and words of adoration and later on creating a magnificent art work on his gorgeous tanned chest, claiming him as yours because you know several people died, cried and broke up after seeing him like you can't blame them if you weren't already dating him you too would be crying.

but after he landed back in Korea and came home you just did as you had planned but not before providing him with good homemade food and hugs. you both were on your shared bed, him on his back, lips swollen, eyes heavy with lust, hitched breathing, sweaty forehead, mouth wide open as low grunts and groans left his mouth, chest and neck filled to the brim with your love bites, his hands moulding your hips gripping and slapping them as he desired, you were there on his dick like it was your throne, sitting on it like a royalty well in fact you did felt like a royalty your such needy behavior drove san crazy as it was not a sight seen often. "fuck baby slow down we got all nigh- ah fuck" you just moaned in response and you quickened your pace more your ass slapping against his balls, boobs jiggling in face, hands on his chest with nails dug deep in his chest drawing out blood "baby baby I am so close ahh please sannie" a silent help because of the strain you started feeling, hearing your words he stilled your hips for a second before ramming his hips upwards in you in this position he reached more deeper inside you, making you threw your head back in pleasure. loud moans and groans filled the room as you both neared your high just a few more thrust and you both came together. your head rolled forward on his chest as his moved quickly to hold on your back hands pushing away your hair from your face to plant and soft kiss on your head.

after cleaning you both up he pulled you close to him hands immediately holding your waist and started speaking "if i knew my pictures drove you this crazy i would have posted more and sooner baby" he chuckled while you slapped his chest weakly "well then be prepared for more jealous sex then Choi San" " ughhh baby you know I hate it when you call me by the government name" he pouted at you but you just laughed at him before snuggling into the heat his body provided and drifted off to sleep but heard the silent 'i love you' which you responded to with a smile.

[blazingstar29]

happy two years of top gun to me <3

it’s been crazy like, wdym two years ago i watched top gun maverick and fell down this rabbit hole. two years ago i was a dead set lesbian, driving my self insane to to work with horses and no license and now im licensed, studying, drove my self interstate five days after getting my license, working an awesome job and a guy so literally what happened.

i know i’m a bit slow on the writing front these days and i reblog and ramble more than post content on here, but top gun means so much to me despite being the silly little film i’ve made it out to be irl.

much love to the top gun fandom <3

[kitten4sannie]

Please make something with san and a groping kink!!

ask and you shall receive, anonnie <3 i hope you like it!! thanks for the request!

ᴛʀᴀɪɴ ʀɪᴅᴇ

pairing: boyfriend! san x fem! reader

genre: smut

summary: san can’t keep his hands to himself.

w.c: 1.5k

warnings: soft dom! san, sub! reader, exhibitionism (also please don’t do this irl esp since no one in public can consent), pet names, slight degradation, praise, nipple/tit play, spanking, groping kink, fingering

a/n: i saw a hentai like this once… hekshd anygays enjoyyy <3

Masterlist

➽───────────────❥

San stood near the last sliding door of the train, one forearm resting against the glass, looking down at you, watching how you pressed yourself back into the glass, pinned between his broad body and the door, your eyes full of need for him.

San was doing everything he possibly could to contain himself, but how could he when you were always so cute and squishable? Of course, you wore a tiny little skirt that cut off just enough to reveal your soft thighs, and of course, you just had to wear a thigh garter that made your supple skin pop out just enough to make him want to bite it. And how could he forget the skin-tight sweater you had on? The one you refused to wear a bra with. He was always able to witness how your nipples would poke through them when you were cold or turned on. It drove him crazy. Made him want to play with them until you were begging and dripping for him.

He raised his free hand up to run his fingers up your forearm, traveling up your upper arm and to your exposed collarbone, feeling you shiver underneath his touch. His eyes studied your chest, taking note of the swell of your tits, how he wanted to feel them in his hands, noting how your nipples hardened and pressed through the soft material of your top. Were you turned on right now?

As his fingers idly drew gentle circles just above one of your breasts, San leaned in, whispering into your ear, “You want me to touch you, don’t you, baby? Is that why you wore something that would drive me crazy?”

“I always want you to touch me, Sannie,” you mumbled back, letting out a small sigh when he cornered you further against the glass, his broad frame blocking anyone from seeing what he was about to do to you. His fingers drifted over one of your nipples, tweaking it through your sweater and making you squeak.

San licked his lips, studying your flushed face. “You’re super sensitive today, baby. Is it because we’re on a train with people around? Or do you just like when I tease you?” he questioned, pressing his lips onto your cheek, pinching your nipple between his thumb and pointer finger, twisting and flicking it until you grabbed onto the front of his plain black t-shirt for support.

You turned your head to press a kiss onto his cheek, mumbling against his warm skin, “Both. Please give me more. Grab me anywhere you want. I don’t even care if someone sees…I just need it, Sannie.”

San’s fingers twitched a bit, his mind going at a thousand miles per hour at the thought of grabbing and groping you anywhere he could, wanting to squeeze your softness and feel it squish in between his fingers. He needed it so bad. And here you were, looking up at him with those glossy, half-lidded eyes and a little pout, asking for it.

“I’ll give you what you want, angel. I always do,” he reassured in a low voice, breathing just a tiny bit harder, and dragging his tongue over his bottom lip, the perversion he usually kept locked inside starting to slip out a bit. “Don’t even worry your pretty little head about it.”

-

The both of you had waited till the train cart you were in was mostly empty. There were only a few people sitting on the very far end facing away from you. He took the opportunity to turn you around and press you chest-first into the glass door, his hands going underneath your skirt to knead your ass from both sides, unable to hold back a low groan.

“God, your ass is so perfect, baby,” he sighed out, his cock starting to press into the material of his pants. Ignoring it, he smacked his hands against both of your asscheeks to watch them bounce back.

“Mm.” You looked back at your boyfriend, sucking your bottom lip in between your teeth. “Again, Sannie.”

“Naughty girl.” He smacked both sides of your ass, this time grabbing it roughly afterwards and groping you to the best of his ability, as though he were trying to leave an imprint of his hands on your skin.

You were in heaven. You almost didn’t care if the sounds you were making carried over to the unsuspecting people sitting across the train. How could you when San was behind you, his hard cock pressing into your ass and his strong, veined hands grabbing you so eagerly you were ready to make a mess on the floor below?

“You want more, baby? Hmm?” he asked huskily against your ear, his hot breath sending a shiver up your spine. His cock was starting to ache, but touching you took precedence. “Want me to play with your tits?”

You nodded quickly, leading him to press himself further against you, his hands groping along your thighs to your waist and eventually snaking up underneath your thin sweater, his big hands encapsulating your tits and moving them around in slow circles, thumbing your nipples with increasing enthusiasm.

Hearing your small, breathy moans, San pressed his cheek next to yours, studying your needy reflection through the glass. “Feels so good, doesn’t it?”

“So good,” you echoed, biting back a loud moan the best you could when he pushed his thigh in between yours, his cock now throbbing steadily against your ass, making you lose focus on the train outside of the window that was beginning to catch up with yours on the opposite track.

San smirked to himself, chiming, “Hey, angel, it looks like we have an audience~” He suddenly pushed your body into the glass, your bare tits smushing into it, sending a shock through your system from how cold it was against your heated skin. Some of the patrons who were idly glancing out the window stared at you with their jaws on the floor, some gazing with half-closed eyes. It filled you with a sense of shame, making you turn your head as to not make eye contact with anyone else. “My baby’s suddenly shy, hmm?” your boyfriend sighed into your ear, sliding a hand around your waist and up under your skirt, rubbing two fingers up and down your cunt. “Then, what’s this? Why are you soaking wet, angel?”

“I-i’m not,” you whined shakily, encouraging your boyfriend to slip his fingers past your panties, sinking deep into your needy, wet hole.

“Oh, yes you are, you little liar,” he snickered into your ear, grunting just as he began shoving them in and out of you, an audible squelching sound accompanying the low, repetitive metallic sounds of the train going over the tracks below. “You hear that, babydoll? You hear this slutty little cunt of yours?”

“Y-yes, Sannie, I hear it,” you whimpered softly, resting your face against the glass window, your thighs trembling slightly from both the pleasure and the possibility that one of the other passengers would turn their heads around to see you in such an indecent state.

“Good girl. Don’t lie to me anymore, okay?” He smiled at the sight of you nodding your head the best you could with how you were squished against the glass by his larger frame, your pussy pulsing around his rapidly moving digits. “You want to cum, yeah? Help me out and play with your cute little clit.”

“Yes, Sannie,” you replied right away, sliding your free hand down into your panties to rub your swollen clit in tight circles, unable to keep yourself from letting out more whimpers.

“Yeah, just like that, baby,” he groaned into your ear, sliding in a third finger, your arousal starting to leak out down your inner thighs, making you shiver. “You better cum for me. Cum for Sannie.”

Emitting a harsh moan, you continued to pleasure yourself with San’s eager assistance, all while watching the other people on the other end of the train, biting your lip tightly, almost wanting them to watch as you began to come undone for your boyfriend. “Gonna cum…gonna cum for Sannie…”

“Yes, you are,” he agreed in a sugary sweet tone, using his free hand to grab one of your tits, squeezing it between his fingers and moving it around, flicking your sensitive bud just as your moans began to crescendo the best they could through your gritted teeth. “Yeah, that’s it. Make a mess, baby. Come on.”

Your body began to jolt and your vision faded out momentarily, your thighs tightening up so intensely you almost got a cramp. “Fuck, Sannieee,” you whined in a strained voice, squeezing your clit, feeling San press his fingers into the spongy area inside you.

San pressed kiss after kiss onto your jaw and neck as you rode out your orgasm, emitting a few ‘mm-hmm’s’ for only you to hear, pulling his cum-coated fingers out to run up and down the curves of your body one more time for good measure. “What a good girl you are.”

“Only for you.” You pulled yourself off of the glass and turned your body around, wrapping your arms around his neck, his arms holding you securely against his warm body, his cock still stiff, this time pressing against your heat. “Sannie…?” you murmured, closing your eyes just in time for his lips to slot onto yours, sharing a few heartfelt kisses with him.

He pulled away, pressing one last kiss onto your cheek, whispering onto your flushed skin, “Let’s find an empty train car, baby.”

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Apply for the taglist here ⇢ ♡

© kitten4sannie, 2023.

[ninjagirlstar5]

So, uh, I might've gone a little crazy last week and came up with a Kanade Concept rewrite. (And made some redesigns of IRL!Kanade and IRL!Hibiki to reflect that.)

SO, for context, if you've been following me for awhile (or just came across some of my posts in the past), you'd know that my friend and I have been playing through SDRA2 for fun and it's around the end of Chapter 3 that I started making posts mentioning certain segments of our reactions, feelings, and some jokes. And to say we hated it would be an understatement. But I've had asks where I went on a rant about Chapter 3 more than once, so I won't repeat myself here. If anyone hasn't seen that, you can find it here, and here.

At this point, we're at Chapter 6 and during one of our after stream chats in VC, my friend, @bittersweetbeet, suddenly brought up an idea that could've tied Kanade (and thus Chapter 3) into the main plot and that was this:

"What if Kanade was blessed with Divine Luck from Utsuro like Void? Like, she wasn't in on the plan, but the reason why everything went south for her is because her luck was running out and got screwed over in the trial because of that, and was more than willing to die because she'd prefer that over losing her Fortune. It wouldn't fix Chapter 3, but at least it'd explain how she got away with all those damn murders for so long!"

I'm kinda paraphrasing here since I don't remember the exact wording due to this idea being brought up in the voice channel. But that was essentially what they said and it drove me NUTS at the time. After all, it's been brought up that Utsuro tended to bless a bunch of kids that were the same/similar age as him during his travels out of boredom, and while we don't know a lot about Kanade and Hibiki's parents to know for certain if they were bad and good (personally, I interpret them as decent people but tended to play favorites with Hibiki and accidentally neglecting Kanade, which only worsens their issues even when they try to bring them together), we DO know that Hibiki tends to bully Kanade a lot and that alone can make for a difficult childhood even when you have parents that care about you. So, with a bit of timeline adjusting, Kanade coming across Utsuro when she was, ahem, down on her luck, and getting blessed by him after she vents about her problems can make sense as this is something he's done for awhile now. And it should be noted that not every kid he blessed with Fortune had the same level of dire straits, as many had different levels of Fortune which faded away at different paces. It's why Void lasted for as long as they did since their situation was the worst of the worst so their Fortunes faded away much slower while others either succumbed to fates sooner or lost their fortunes and survived but couldn't handle being back in the same state they tried so desperately to escape from that they just...well, you know. Not every person that was blessed with Divine Luck was going to be a good person or, hell, some people can end up getting worse with the Fortunes they were blessed with instead of becoming better (like Mikado). And so, we started chatting ourselves up about this idea and I really wanted to share it here on Tumblr that I asked if it was alright if I shared it on my blog and they gave me the go ahead. I didn't share it right away, but I was thinking over how to word the post while I was at work. Which is when I realize there were...a few problems with this idea, unfortunately. Mainly this since I brought it up in our rambles channel in the Discord server to get my buddy's thoughts on it, so I'm just gonna copy and paste that:

"...I've been trying to figure out how to word the idea of Kanade being blessed by Divine Luck and I kinda realized something: how would Kanade realize her luck is fading…when she's not a part of Void? Like, she's not in on the plan from the very start so she's been reverted to a [place] where she believes that she's fine and her luck is still running strong. And how that would be conveyed to the audience…

Like, I can believe Kanade could figure it out, even if I think how the writer LINUJ showed off her intelligence to be stupid, but I'm struggling [on] how to explain how she'd figure out that she ran out of luck? She'd be surprised that things have turned on her suddenly due to her state of being reverted back to a time where her luck is strong, but would she fully understand the context to the point that she'd rather die with her sister than lose what she already have?"

Like, I could've been overthinking on that. I could've had it so that a character comments that she was just hit with a wave of bad luck and Kanade goes, "Me? The most luckiest person ever? Never! (...unless-)" But I was really struggling to come up with an answer I was satisfied with at the time and even Bertie was like, "it's stuff like this that makes it so that the only option that would fix Chapter 3 is by rewriting the whole thing." Which is something I do agree with. This idea wasn't a complete fix to everything that's wrong with Chapter 3 anyways, especially when it comes to Kanade and how the writing on her character just sank it into the depths of hell. It was simply an explanation we both really liked.

And then Bertie went on to say, and I quote, "Tbh I think it would be more interesting if Kanade hated Hibiki deeply rather than love her. It’d be cliche probably but it’s better than the weird incest-like shit we have going on here" end quote.

And I started off with a normal response agreeing and elaborating on the idea, like so:

"HONESTLY, yeah. It's better to just scrap the whole chapter and rewrite it from the ground up.

And yeah, I do agree that anything that's different than what we got in Canon is probably much much better. Although I would still want to keep the nuances of Kanade and Hibiki's status as victims of each other's toxicity. Hibiki is constantly bullying Kanade due to seeing how good Kanade is at a lot of things and is jealous of that but still cares and loves her as a sister even though she sucks at appreciating Kanade for who she is. Meanwhile, Kanade still loves her sister and willingly goes along with her bullying, going as far as to try and be meek and shy to appeal to her sister's dominant but cowardly ways but deep down she resents her for keeping her from doing things she likes even though she does genuinely enjoy spending time with her and gets jealous whenever other people get close cause it means that Hibiki won't bother to spend time with her. She often drives them away one way or another so she can have Hibiki to herself, even when nothing changes because Hibiki is her sister and she just wants her to love her and spend time with her (but not in the gross incest way and we're taking away the whole crazy serial killer thing, she's just her own level of toxic)."

And that's when I started spiraling into an gigantic ramble that lasted nearly an hour and thirty minutes (minus a dinner break) because my brain was in a creative mood that night. Enjoy my copy and pasted ramble (I won't italicize all of this to make it easier on the eyes cause if you know me by now, my writing gets very long + a bit of editing to make it a little more coherent):

"I still like the idea of Kanade being blessed by Divine Luck and being good at many skills because of it, and she's smart enough to realize that the boy she met long ago somehow changed her when she had openly vented to him about her problems the day they met (after giving him her umbrella to protect himself from the pouring rain, as she had ran away on a whim due to being fed up with her parents and her sister [at the time]). She's very grateful for what he's done for her, believing that the skills she now has can bring herself closer to Hibiki by being useful to her."

"But here's the catcher: her blessing doesn't work in the way she had hoped. Because surprise! Divine Luck has it's own set of rules despite being able to break reality as long as the chances aren't zero. Basically, Divine Luck can make you better at anything, get you anything, without having to go through the process of improving or skipping the steps that are needed to get the result, simply jumping to the result itself. However, out of everything it can change, from skills to getting someone shelter to just winning any kind of luck-based event, it cannot change a person's heart. And Kanade, despite having the skills that are "supposed" to bring her closer to her sister, only makes Hibiki even more jealous and she continues to bully her, going as far as to push her workload onto her now that she's so "good" at everything and proclaiming that she's just as good, if not better. Her blessing got her what she wanted but not what she needed in her case, unlike with the rest of Void, and she ends up paralleling Mikado as despite being blessed with Divine Luck, it did not make them better or improve their situation due to their own choices/how they used their blessing (Mikado because he constantly pursued Utsuro to the point committing crime after crime, Kanade because instead of standing up for herself and establishing her boundaries, she continued to support her sister no matter what, something that only ends up building the resentment in her heart). That's not to say that Hibiki isn't instigating most of the abuse, she is. But Kanade isn't making things better as she uses her skills to make herself seem like the better option in comparison to the people Hibiki wants to hang out with and get to know, even going as far as to scare them away to isolate Hibiki so she doesn't even have any options to choose from."

"And then, Chapter 3 rolls around and Hibiki starts to change, trying to be supportive of the group and take charge to help everyone get through the killing game. It…surprises Kanade, but she watches her sister change and grow, becoming more confident, cheerful, kinder…

…And she realizes that she hates it.

She hates the thought of her sister changing. She hates the thought of her being kinder after everything she's done to her. She hates the thought of Hibiki growing closer to these people, becoming attached and happy without her, Kanade, her own sister.

She hates the thought of being left alone again. She hates the thought that Hibiki is going to leave her again.

She hates it, she hates it, she hates it.

She hates her.

But she loves her.

She wants her to be with her, forever.

So why won't she ever look her way?

Why, why, why?

Kanade is spiraling in her head, trying to keep up her shy, sweet side up but gritting her teeth the whole time as she watches. Even when Hibiki is being kinder to her, still making her usual jokes about her but is actually trying to prop her sister up a bit more, it's only because Sora and Setsuka had suggested her to be kinder, not because she wants to. At least, that's what Kanade thinks. She doesn't want to believe her sister is changing for the better, that she's able to change at all, that she's going to leave her behind for other people again.

And when Setsuka tries to reach out to her on the third day…Kanade finally snaps.

She tears into Setsuka, accusing her of stealing her sister away from her, for giving her ideas to be better when she can't, she should never be better than she already is because if she is, she'll just abandon her and leave her all alone. Her stupid, cowardly sister can't ever hope to be on her own, she always has to rely on her, HER, not anyone else…and definitely not SETSUKA!

And before Kanade knew it, she lunges at Setsuka.

The scuffle was short…but the result was predictable."

"To elaborate a little bit more on Setsuka, she's was still pretty distant from the group as she was focused on doing what she needs for Nikei and stuff. But after Hibiki starts to break down a little and reaches out to Setsuka for help, she commits herself to stabilizing the group once more, supporting Hibiki and telling her and everyone else that she has something to tell them. But Kanade, watching this entire scene, only starts to become even more on edge as Hibiki, once again, reaches out to someone else instead of her. Despite trying to "change," Hibiki had so easily broken down once more, crying and begging for help, relying on another person for support and to "fix" everything for her. And that convinces Kanade that Hibiki can't change, she won't EVER change, and she bitterly goes to bed. But Setsuka notices Kanade's displeasure and, not knowing why she's unhappy, decides to take matters into her own hands and have a one-on-one talk with her to see if she [can] help. Unfortunately, this decision backfires on her hard, resulting in her own death.

Now, unlike in canon, Kanade panics as this was the first time she's EVER committed a murder before. Sure, she's harassed, blackmailed, and even threatened people that tried to get close to Hibiki before with violence, people that would only take her away from her. But she didn't…she never…she didn't mean to do this! But, no, Setsuka…No, no. Why should she regret this? Why should she apologize?

Setsuka was getting in the way. Setsuka was going steal her sister away.

And Hibki was still the same as she ever was. Not being "better," not ever "changing." She was still Hibiki, the bully, the sister, the bratty, snappy, fussy older sister that demands respect despite her cowardly, weak self. A sister that Kanade deeply loves…and hates."

"But she won't let her die her. She'll escape with her, a certain "ritual" should allow her to escape with her as it's an option for the blackened on the third island according to Monocrow. If she goes through with that, she can escape with her sister…and make sure she'll never change again.

But if she loses…then she'll die. She'll die…

…and she'll take Hibiki with her. For she doesn't deserve to live without her.

Kanade goes through with the ritual as fast as she could, relying on her skills (and thus her luck) to succeed in framing Hibiki and nearly gets away with it.

But, unbeknownst to her due to her current memories, Kanade's luck has been dwindling and since her situation wasn't as dire as Void's, hers has been fading away far faster than them. And ends up making a few mistakes that seem innocent enough until it all starts to pile up, with one last conclusive evidence fucking her over and revealing her to be the true culprit.

Kanade is seething when she's caught, her ego bruised and lamenting how the hell she lost, with Syobai dryly stating that her luck has run out. Kanade laughs, saying that can't be true. She's always been lucky! She's always been able to get things her way, even when she has no friends outside of Hibiki. This tips both Mikado and Nikei off that, hey, wait a minute, is she…? Of course, neither of them speak up on it due to keeping their own plans close to their chest. Everyone asks her why, why did she do it, with Hibiki grabbing her sister, begging her why she would do something like this, why would Kanade frame her of her best friend's death? A death that she caused?

And Kanade, after years of bottling up her own resentment…finally blows up at Hibiki."

"She tells her off for her bullying, of her neglecting to pay attention or spend any time with her unless she wanted something from her, and pushing all the things she doesn't want to do onto her. She proclaims that she had ALWAYS hated everything she's done to Kanade, wishing she could've done anything else, wishing that, for once in their goddamn lives, that they did something she wanted to do, not because Hibiki had chosen it. All Kanade had ever wanted was her love and affection, but she never appreciated her or all the things she's done for her. [She even went] as far to change herself to try and appeal to her sister and her wants and needs. And yet…despite everything, she still loves her. She loves the times when they would dress up together. She loves the times when they would perform together. She loves it when Hibiki actually cares for her. She loves her, because she's her sister…

And because Setsuka was getting in the way of that, she had to get rid of her. Just like everyone else…!

Everyone freezes when Kanade admits that out loud. She pauses when she realized what she said, but instead of apologizing [or even denying it], she doubles down. She admits that she drove away their childhood friend, she admits to spreading false rumors about their teacher and getting him fired, she admits to falsifying a hurtful rejection to a guy Hibiki was getting close to and pretended to be her so that she can ruin their chances of getting together when he finally confessed, she harrassed, blackmailed, threatened people that got close…and Setsuka was just another person on a long list of those that got in the way. She just…didn't mean to kill her. It just…happened. But Kanade…doesn't care about that. She doesn't care about anything anymore. It's apparent that her luck ran out…and now she's going to die.

But she's not dying alone. She refuses to die alone.

[After all, they're] sisters, right…? It's only right that they stay together till the bitter end, right?"

"Hibiki tries to back away, but Kanade grabs her just as Monocrow drags her into her execution, bringing her with them."

"The execution goes almost exactly the same but Kanade is doing her damndest to make sure Hibiki dies with her, with Hibiki trying to escape. And it seems like it was going to happen…until Hibiki beats the hell out of her with a microphone, crying and wailing for all the people Kanade had hurt in her name, demanding why, why, why. Kanade can only answer this:

"It was ALL for you. You and you alone."'

"Hibiki drops the microphone, backing away from the sister that was so possessive of her, in her hatred and love.

And then she runs away, leaving Kanade all alone.

Monocrow doesn't stop her, for this execution was only made for Kanade…and seeing her despair as she finally loses the one thing she had tried so hard to grasp onto slip away from her was enough for him to pull the lever, the platform underneath Kanade falling and killing her.

By the time Hibiki has made it back to the trial grounds, her gait is slow and unsteady, hugging herself as she stares down at her feet, processing what had just happened. What her sister had done. What she had done to everyone she knew. What she had done to Setsuka and Hibiki herself.

Why she had done it.

She had done it for her.

She had done it to keep Hibiki to herself.

She had done it because she both loved and hated Hibiki.

And the people that had been hurt because of Kanade…was because of her. Because of Hibiki. Because of all her bullying and her selfish wants, and because she didn't treat her like she should've treated her as a sister…! Because she's a horrible, awful person that hurt her own family until it was too late, her best friend dead, her sister, dead! All because of her…!!

Hibiki falls to her knees, going into dissociation as everything that she ever thought she knew and was normal shattered like glass."

"Hibiki, for the rest of the killing game, blames herself for what Kanade has done, but with Sora and co.'s help, she's able to rationalize that yes, what she did to Kanade was horrible and none of this may have happened if Hibiki had just bonded with her sister instead of bullying her…but Kanade had also made her own decisions, alienating Hibiki's friends and support from her to try and isolate her so she can try and force her to rely on her and her alone. Hibiki had done a lot of wrong that she probably can't ever make up now that Kanade is dead, but that doesn't excuse the awful actions Kanade has done either as many people were hurt from her own actions, one even losing his job and others probably traumatized from what she did to them. They were both toxic to each other and so long as neither of them were changing, that cycle was only going to continue until something broke between them…and this just so happened to be it. It's just horrible that it also ended in Setsuka's death alongside Kanade's, who was just as much a victim as she was a perpetrator."

"As for the reveal in Chapter 6, I was thinking of two options for Hibiki and Kanade's relationship:

The two of them, despite years [of] staying together as sisters and as a part of Melody Rhythm, only ended up falling apart as their toxicity turned their head as one of Kanade's past victims, their childhood friend, decides to finally come out and reveal everything Kanade has done to her and other people, even providing evidence of what she did. And the moment Hibiki found out about it, a public argument breaks out between them and Kanade finally spills out everything about her feelings on Hibiki, which only hurts both of them as Kanade had tried so hard to isolate Hibiki from other people while Hibiki had only hurt and bully her sister out of jealousy for years. But this? This was enough for Hibiki to stand up and go, "We're done here." And she leaves, cutting ties with Kanade for the shit she's done to others but also left reeling at the revelation of what her bullying and abuse had done to her sister. Was this…her fault? She wasn't sure. But she knew [she] had to make things right somehow, even if it's only for herself, reflecting on her behavior and reaching out to those that were hurt by Kanade, apologizing for everything that had happened even though it wasn't her fault that she chose to do the things she did and tried to make it up to them…if they want her, at least. [Meanwhile,] Kanade is PISSED that her sister left her, who went as far as to block her from her phone and even ending their contract as Melody Rhythm as she's left to deal with the fallout of the media bashing her for what she's done…but as time went on, Kanade is able to pick up the pieces and strikes out on her own, telling herself that she doesn't need Hibiki or the people that criticizes her for what she's done. She can do this by herself! She never openly apologizes, but she never says outright that she's happy with how things had turned out either, despite getting her career back on track…eventually."

"And then the Tragedy happens, they lose their parents, and one of two things happen.

Either 1.) the Tragedy brings them back together, with them starting off very reluctantly working together to do charities to help those in need, only to slowly and carefully rebuild their relationship while trying very hard not to fall back into bad habits as Hibiki admits that yeah, she's done a lot of horrible things to Kanade and she IS sorry for that…but she won't let Kanade hurt anyone anymore. She's trying very hard to be patient with her sister, as they know the Tragedy is a horrible thing to go through, they even lost their parents from it…but if they want to make things work, then something has to change between them, even if Hibiki is the only one taking the initiative FOR the change. Kanade is very reluctant to admit that she was EVER in the wrong for what she did…but as they continue work and bicker over the concerts they put together, their different ideas colliding but somehow coming together with the help of their coordinator, they start to…actually bond again. They start to talk things out, Hibiki is actually trying to show interest in her hobbies and the things she likes, and while she can never bring herself to like the same things she does, she's trying to be respectful and give her the time of day this time. She's trying to make things right for her, so long as Kanade never does the things she did again. And while Kanade doesn't like the same things Hibiki does, it's still a bond Hibiki is trying to nurture…and it makes Kanade question if what she did was ever necessary, that if she had just stood her ground, let Hibiki form her own relationships while searching for her own friends that she can rely [on] like the ones she had now…then maybe none of this would have happen. Maybe they could've remain as sisters, forever, if she just accepted their differences and tried to break away and do her own thing, while letting Hibiki grow as a person [as I think if Hibiki was allowed to bond with other people, she would've grew out of her bullying and become a better person, but because she never had the chance or had people that would stand up to her and let her experience the consequences of her own actions, she never grew out of that mindset as she was never put in her place before]…

[And then the killing game happens, reverts them back to their teenage selves, and they start their toxic cycle all over again until one of them literally kills and gets executed for it.]"

"Or 2.), Kanade and Hibiki remain separate, as not even the Tragedy and the death of their own parents can bring them together. Their parents funeral, one they tried to arrange anyways, only escalates into another argument, with Hibiki changing as a person…but Kanade did not. She still feels entitled to be Hibiki's one and only sister, her one and only support, and Hibiki recognizes that, deciding that it was safer that they stay separated as she NEVER wants to risk anyone else she loves coming to harm thanks to Kanade. The two part ways, with the both of them doing their own separate charity events, with Hibiki proclaiming that Kanade Otonokoji is not her sister, [not anymore], while Kanade proclaims that Hibiki Otonokoji will always be her sister, and refuses to acknowledge the fact that she had been disowned and will continue to be disowned for the rest of their lives."

"Either way, Hibiki is depressed to realize that their future together was never forever, and Hibiki had lost her sister…one way or another."

And that's it! That's the concept rewrite, plus the sprite edits since Kanade and Hibiki are no longer together as sisters and as a band outside of the Neo World Program, so their appearances reflect on that as they pursue their own solo careers. They're no longer trying to match each other, and Kanade pursues her own rock and metal music.

Oh, and while I was copying and pasting this, I had an idea that Kanade's relationship with Sora could be interesting as she's the only one that Kanade is actually okay with getting close to Hibiki...because Sora shows interests in both of them in their FTEs. She talks to Hibiki in private about her treatment of Kanade and even asked Kanade herself if she was okay as she genuinely cares about her just as much as she cares about Hibiki. This surprises Kanade as no one has ever bothered to look her way before, they always pay more attention to Hibiki than herself. And Sora makes it clear that she's genuine about this, asking her if there's anything she can do to make things better for Kanade when Hibiki is defensive about her actions. It makes Kanade feel...seen, for once in her life, and she actually likes that. So she allows Sora to get close, so long as she promises to continue being her friend, too. It's why Sora succeeds in befriending both twins while Setsuka ended up getting rejected by Kanade in the worse possible way: Setsuka unintentionally added to Kanade's insecurities by focusing mostly on Hibiki and overlooked Kanade's needs as well. She's not doing this out of ill-will, far from it. It's just that she recognized that Hibiki is a little weaker in her mental strength and her breakdowns were far easier to notice while Kanade was able to keep a cool head most of the time. So Setsuka prioritizes on supporting Hibiki first and foremost, thinking that Kanade can handle herself fine on her own. She's not completely wrong...but she's not right, either. By the time she finally notices that Kanade is hurting and reaches out to support her, it's already too late as she's finally reached her breaking point and snapped, which resulted in her own death. Just a little something to tie this whole thing off.

[aubaee]

Always

Original Story: Between Us by hanmi-xo

Pairing: C.SC x Astrid Roscent (OC)

Scenario: Seungcheol’s girlfriend encounters her ex-boyfriend Jeonghan during their date.

warnings: slight angst, seungcheol tries to comfort oc, mentions of abuse in past relationship (emotional, neglect, physical- only twice), oc has anxiety & trauma, mention of infidelity in past relationship, mentions of love bombing s/o, pet names (love, princess), mentions of gaslight & manipulation

a/n: this is one of the scenarios i had in mind with this couple, tho it consists past history of the two. feedback is very much appreciated! <3 honestly, not my proudest works huhu

This is a work of fiction! Pls separate this from irl Jeonghan. We all know how respectful he is, so pls NO HATE towards any SVT members!

Seungcheol is pissed. Towards their short encounter with his ex-best friend, who was also his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend.

"Don't delight yourself. That's never going to happen," Seungcheol grits his teeth, holding Astrid's hand tighter in his grasp as they walk past a smirking Jeonghan.

Seungcheol knew what Jeonghan was implying. He knew the games he played. What he’s capable of- and Jeonghan wanted to ruin them both, keeping them on edge- to anger them. He wanted to destroy their relationship ever since Seungcheol cut ties with him.

Joshua, Jeonghan's model best friend, announced the news of Astrid and Seungcheol's new relationship. Officially becoming a couple four years after Jeonghan dumped Astrid on the street, literally.

Jeonghan knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, considering he knew how Seungcheol felt all those years together as friends. Soon as Seungcheol told him about the girl he had feelings for, Jeonghan was quick to steal Astrid from him.

Jeonghan kept a facade to entertain Astrid during their relationship, only wanting to keep her for 'appearance purposes', treating her as a trophy to show off. During events with his group of friends, he would leave her unattended while he socialized. Other times he would be out late at night drinking and flirting with women.

Jeonghan never truly loved her as a person.

He didn't even know her likes and dislikes or what she was allergic to since he never paid any attention to her. On the other hand, Astrid knew everything about Jeonghan since she wanted his attention, despite being in a relationship with him it always felt like she wasn't enough.

Not even his past relationships lasted long since he jumped from relationship to relationship. Giving the same excuse of how his past girlfriends were crazy which led to him "breaking things off".

So when Jeonghan received an offer abroad for his modeling career, he didn't hesitate for a second to accept it. He ended the relationship quickly with Astrid, disregarding her feelings and leaving her on the street as he drove off.

***

Back then, Astrid thought she was the happiest and luckiest girl alive to be with Jeonghan. But that happiness didn’t last long behind closed doors.

Everything went well into the relationship for the first couple months- or so she thought, realizing that Jeonghan wasn’t exactly the person she knew.

From an outside person’s point of view, they looked like the perfect it couple but from Astrid’s viewpoint it was far from that.

In any way possible, Jeonghan would gaslight her self-esteem, and manipulate her from social interactions, especially from her finances. There was never a day when he’d compliment her. Even if he did, that only occurred as an act to the public within their peers. Often times by the end of the day, Jeonghan would surprise Astrid with expensive gifts and shower her with affection, such as cuddling and kissing. And Astrid thought that was normal in the relationship despite all the emotional abuse he gave her.

She didn’t know any better than to be a supportive and loving girlfriend. She was too kindhearted. She thought ‘If I obey his wishes, then he will treat me better. I’ll be a good girlfriend.’

But there were countless nights where she’d barely get any sleep at all and if she was lucky enough- she would cry herself to sleep.

She gave everything to Jeonghan, her first love.

The last few months into their relationship, witnesses from their peers had spoken up about Jeonghan’s infidelity. There were times where Astrid witnessed Jeonghan flirting openly with other ladies from their school. She’d confront him about it, question him about his actions and Jeonghan would reply with “Why are you concerned about what I’m doing? I’m just talking to them. We’re just friends.” With every confrontation, Jeonghan would deflect the argument by degrading her.

“God, you’re acting just like my crazy ex- Can we not talk about it?”

“Why haven’t you been working out? Don’t you know you’re getting bigger? You should be more like her-“

“What will you do without me? No one will look your way if you’re like that.”

Within the last month of their relationship, it grew worse. He would constantly be out with girls at night while she cried herself to sleep, fully aware of his actions. Jeonghan continued to discourage her and began to physically abuse her.

Astrid was tired; mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. She lost hope in their relationship, questioning if she should leave but she hesitated.

More than anything she was scared, alone, and believed every lie Jeonghan spouted. His abuse stopped after two occurrences, which led to their separation and Seungcheol saved her by the dead end of the night.

That same night Jeonghan left Astrid on the street, she was contemplating who to contact considering her phone was low on battery. She quickly contacted the first person who appeared up on her screen and sent her current location. Within seconds before her phone died, the said person replied, ‘Wait for me. I’ll go to you.’

She didn’t doubt Seungcheol for a second. He drove to her location and found her sitting on the benches, her face stained with tear marks, swollen eyes and red nose. He quickly got out of his car and ran to her, engulfing her into a hug. He caressed her hair as she couldn’t hide her emotions from him, breaking into a sobbing mess as she held onto him tightly, “It’s okay. Shh, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

***

“Don’t worry, love,” Seungcheol glanced down at Astrid, slowing down his pace once they were at a good distance away from Jeonghan. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t do anything at all. He won’t go anywhere near you.” He rubs her hand with his thumb still holding onto her, soothing her from the anxiety building up inside.

Tears began to form in her eyes, threatening to fall as she gave her boyfriend a small smile. “I know..” She knew deep down, Jeonghan still had an effect on her.

The trauma was still evidently there but she was slowly healing with the help of Seungcheol. He was patient with Astrid. He gave her every reassurance when she was at her lowest. Respected her space when she needed it.

He would pamper her with affection, and shower her with words of encouragement to get through the day. Seungcheol gave her love and security. She felt safe in his arms. The epitome of ‘if comfort was a person.’

Seungcheol's heart sank witnessing his partner break into tears. He faced her, cupping her face into his hands, and lightly squished her cheeks, "Trust me. I'm right here- always, Ash." He lowered his head to kiss her on the forehead. He would do anything for his partner to smile, preventing her from harm and never wanting to see Astrid cry.

Astrid smiles at his kiss. She rests her head on his chest and wraps her arms around his waist, pulling him close to a hug. In return Seungcheol wraps his arms around her, his chin resting on top of her head, gently playing with the ends of her hair whilst rubbing her back. They stayed in that position until Astrid calmed down from her anxiety.

With a deep breath, Astrid blinked away her tears and looks up at Seungcheol, “I’m good now, Cheol.”

He looks down with his brows knitted together, concern in his eyes, “Are you sure? Do you still want to continue on with our date? We can go back to my place and I can order us take out instead.”

As much as Seungcheol loved going on dates with Astrid during their free availability, her well-being mattered more than anything.

“Are you sure? You already made reservations at the restaurant though. It’d be a waste to not go,” Astrid pouted, unlocking herself from the hug.

“I want you to feel comfortable despite anything. We can always reschedule it,” he nods, pulling out his phone from the back pocket of his jeans with one hand and the other interlocking with hers as he plants a kiss onto her knuckles, “So, what do you say? It’s your call, Princess.”

☆ please like & reblog ☆

[breannasfluff]

Back from WDW! It was a unique experience and a crazy amount of walking.

Pretty sure I've got art and stories knocking around to be posted...stories would just be on ao3 so follow me there if you want email alerts.

To be honest, the time away from Tumblr was a nice break. Further ramblings below the cut.

Sometimes tumblr feels like high school 2.0; cliques and drama and the expectation of posting constantly to try to get reviews or reblogs. The more "popular" you get, the less you can have an off day, or a differing opinion. I think society as a whole pushes for snap judgements and I've seen it bite people over and over.

I dunno, a lot of it feels shallow after a while; or maybe performative is a better word? It's the internet, most interactions aren't going to be deep, I know. Maybe it's just that the definitions of online community has changed, or is changing.

But I've made some good friends here who still check in and reach out, and those are the relationships I want to make sure get my time and effort. The week away with family really drove home the difference in interaction and got me thinking.

I'm not sure I've got a good conclusion at this point; maybe just continuing to spend less time on tumblr and more time on irl pursuits. Either way, my inbox remains open and you are welcome to tag me, although I can't promise to respond to all tag games :)

Take care of yourselves, lovelies! Drink water, pet an animal, take a deep breath outside and smell the earth. Reach out to someone you haven't talked to in a while. Accept that maybe what you are doing is enough. Try to approach people with kindness. It's effort, but it's worth it.

[italic-doing-random-shit]

I can’t explain how scared I am because of KOSA

long rant (tw shooting mention and lots of suicide mentions)

I just

I’ve literally never had friends like this, only one person was that exception

I mean, I don’t talk to much at school or out side of school and I know people didn’t like talking to me anyways. I was the kid people would only be nice to in school because, quote ‘I wanna be spared when you shoot up this damn place’

just because I wasn’t always preppy and happy at school. Just because I wasn’t happy with myself. I won’t never ever even touch a gun but people in my irl life weren’t kind to me

I’ve said it before but it got so bad I almost killed myself. I’m surprised I didn’t go through with shit at the time and for a long time I hated myself even more for it.

still people were cruel and selfish to me.

but here was different. People didn’t use me as an object. People didn’t think I was violent or crazy. People here treated me like a person.

I not longer regret not going through with my attempt. I no longer feel as awful as I did over a year ago. I’ve realized stuff in my life just because someone would have a conversation with me that wasn’t fueled by another motive.

i have actual friends. I love people who love me dearly, and I love them too. And I cannot lose them. I can’t.

KOSA would’ve drove me to kill myself.

KOSA will kill so many kids. Children.

I was only twelve, it could be someone younger.

stop KOSA. It doesn’t help at all. It hurts. It affects all countries despite only being American.

[kevinsdsy]

hiii i’ve never done this before but first of all, looooved your socmed au, literally your trojans side characters are my canon now

i don’t have any irl aftg friends and i need to tell someone about this so yeah sorry

i’ve planned an east coast solo trip for a while now and i’m finally on the train to dc and we’re about to stop in baltimore and i’m way too excited about that… also later in the week i’m purposefully stopping in columbia, sc, simply bc of aftg even tho i know none of the locations actually exist and everyone that i’ve told i’m going to columbia is always like “why tf are you going to columbia” i’m so psyched to travel to a location from a book for the first time in my life

(context i’m from germany but living in the states as an au pair at the moment)

side note, i didn’t realize how far apart some of these places are??? earlier this year i drove past binghampton in ny and was sooo confused how they managed to get from there to baltimore in a short time???? european once again overwhelmed by the size of this country

anyway, like i said, none of my friends would get why i’m so excited about this but i needed to share with someone

hope you have a great day!!!🧡

HIII AHH THANK YOU!! AND OMG I HOPE YOU’RE ENJOYING YOUR TRIP!!!! <33333

also woah it’s crazy to me that people are asking why you would go to colombia?? in my mind colombia is a popular place?? 😭😭 also so many people have told me how in the US u can drive sooo long and still be in the same state which as someone living in europe is so crazy to me— like i’ve driven through 5 countries in europe in 2 days to make it to another continent so what do you mean after ALL THOSE HOURS you’re still stuck in the same state???? kind of seems like a nightmare to me SHDKDHDJF

ANYWAY IF YOU FEEL LIKE SHARING LET ME KNOW HOW BALTIMORE AND COLOMBIA WAS 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ IM MORE THAN HAPPY TO HEAR ABOUT IT!!! ENJOY!!!

[daydreamerwonderkid]

What is 1 weird or funny lie you told?

Buckle in, kiddos. This one's a long one.

So, the irl name I chose for myself was taken from a character from one of my favorite manga. This character is extremely popular and well know within multiple fandom spaces and is instantly recognizable.

I chose their name because I can personally relate to their struggles and you can actually shorten their name to another that sounds more "common." Win-win.

Here's the thing. Despite how INSANELY popular this character is, I've only met FOUR people irl that instantly knew where I got the name from.

For the past 7 years, 99.9% of the time-regardless of age/demographic/fandom interest/etc-someone will hear my name and the immediate questions they'll ask are either:

"Oh ... are you French?" or "Are your parents Italian?"

"That's such an old sounding name ...."

"How pretty! Are you parents fans of classic literature?"

You have to understand something. When you're meeting with new people, especially strangers in a professional and outwardly conservative setting, it is extremely awkward/impossible to explain that your name was taken from a fucking manga character.

So what the fuck do I say when I'm in a very professional meeting with a very professional potential client and said very professional potential client asks me about my name?

I tell them that I have a crotchety great grandmother who was furious that my parents didn't carry on the family tradition of naming me after a ye olde ancestor from *insert European country.* She'd call me by this ancestor's name whenever she was babysitting me which drove my parents absolutely crazy. By the time I became a teenager, I preferred my ancestor's name over my birth name. My parents have made peace with it, but we still joke about how I "betrayed" them.

Yes, it's a lie. Yes, I cursed myself to wander this path by choosing such a weird name in the first place. Yes, I love my name and I will not change it.

It's funny, too, because my name helps me stand out in my profession and among my peers. Hardly anyone I meet forgets me because of my unique name. So it's sort of given me an advantage in my career, especially considering a lot of my job relies on successful networking and consultations.

And, yes, I do get questions about my great grandmother from time to time. Fortunately for me, I do have an actual crotchety great grandmother so I don't have to make up anything on that end.

In unprofessional/casual settings, I have given the actual story behind my name. It still surprises me when I meet people who are hardcore anime/manga nerds and they don't recognized my name. I feel like a crazy person whenever this happens tbh.

But yeah. I absolutely refuse to attempt explaining the concept of anime and manga in the workplace, let alone the fact my name was taken from a character with a popular and very Google-able meme attached to them.

This is the hill I've claimed and the grave I've dug atop it.

[soullessjack]

im roughly 65% sure ive made this post before but it rlly does confuse me how almost nobody in the fandom acknowledges Jack’s anger issues or “insane moments” or honestly any of his flaws in general, esp in comparison to the rest of team free will 2.0 and it’s like … what show did you watch. What show did you watch where the guy that attempted to strangle someone in a fit of rage, deliberately tortured a man as brutally as possible before killing him and ate raw human hearts that he himself ripped out of peoples’ chests is somehow always being depicted as the sweet innocent flower child of the group.

and like while this itself isn’t directly an ableism thing, i think it speaks a lot for how any character with autistic traits or coding is perceived as inherently innocent or childlike and infantilized/woobified as such. and look, i get that jack is canonically written to come off as very cute and adorable and sweet on purpose, but literally nobody can see past it on a surface level and recognize that Hey, Maybe The Guy Who Can Throw People Against Walls And Fly Into A Murderous Rage When They’re Too Upset Has A Reason For Being Super Nice All The Time.

idk . I mean this is like one in a million other things about jack that get watered down by the fandom because he fundamentally does not exist to half of y’all as a full character with autonomy outside of being a domestic destiel centerpiece — which itself also confuses me as someone who’s been deeply fixated on him pretty much since his storyline began in s12. And while I didn’t have a tumblr back then in 2017, I did see the posts made about him & I remember even then thinking “yeah I get it he’s cute he’s baby but can we like actually talk about him,” because almost nobody was and it drove me crazy, and to see that that hasn’t changed in the past six years (mind you, I was 13 when he appeared and im 19 now) just. Drives me even more crazy, but also exhausts me at the same time.

it’s like. idk, it’s like y’all are incapable of consuming his character unless he’s been made palatable to you , which for some reason seems to exclusively mean making him a baby or removing his actual personality to the point that even when he isn’t being de-aged, he’s still treated and depicted as a Large Child (which, by the way, is a directly ableist notion many autistics actually face irl!). And of course I can’t force anyone to stop liking baby-jack or stop making content around that because that’s just not how anything works, but at the very least i can ask you all to think a little more critically about why that specific content appeals to you and the harmful implications it carries, and if you’re unwilling to stop making/engaging with that content (which frankly I assume is the case for everyone, but again I can’t stop you) then the very least you can do is listen when someone says “hey this is actually kind of harmful.” thanks

[toomanyfandomsorkinafs]

This is for you Bunny(I KNOW YOU SEE THIS, DONT LIE)

I have been collecting incorrect quotes from IRL, things online or my own self. Have at it. I have to many and I really want to share :D

“You know, I used to think that ** was a bad influence on you.”

*arm stuck in somewhere it shouldn’t be*“Oh?”

“Now I realize that you both influence each other to do equally stupid things.”

“What has the world come to?!”

“Depression.”

“You can't make everyone like you; you're not **.”

“What? Not everyone likes **.”

“Who doesn't like **?!”

“Uh”

***, gripping *'s shoulders with the intensity of a thousand burning suns “Names, *, now. GIVE ME THEIR NAMES”

**(female) struggling to to open something so asks ****(male) to help but **** can’t open it so they ask ***(female) to help and they open it

“See ****, you have to become more feminine”

“What-“

“Cause even with barely any nails or with long nails the girls can open it better then you!”

“What do we say to the universe when we’re having a bad day?”

“How dare you seek to inconvenience me. I have been through things that you can’t fathom.”

“Why does it feel like the world fights me in every turn!?”

“Eat good food, happy thoughts come soon”

“Where is **?!”

“At very time and moment that is illegal to share-“

Honestly doesn’t take much to confuse me. I’m just a simple lad.

“YOU'RE A MONSTER! I'm so proud.”

“WHAT is wrong with you. It is so attractive”

"We're not dating, but we're devoted toeach other, and get jealous if someone hits on the other, but we are just friends"

“i'll cut your throat open, that'll shut you up!"

"you're beautiful...”

“Seems like I touch a nerve”*touches their own broken nerve* “AAAAH-“

"** brought emotional trauma to a knife fight”

“How much longer are we going to wait?”

“Just... give it a few more minutes.”

*  ** continues to forcefully push at a door that says pull on it*

“I just drove thru a rainbow” -*

“am I gay now?” -*

“a gay drive-thru?”-**

“Cheers!”

“To what?”

“To my most beautiful and amazing boyfriend/girlfriend!”

“Huh? What? Do you have another one?”

“By the power invested in me.. gay”

“This is the best financial decision I’ve ever made”

“What colour you want? Red or white?”

“Thats blue and gold.”

“OH- thats a mistake!”

“What colour are the balloons?”

“Red(white), green(gold), purple(blue)”

“I thought you were blind but turns out your blind and colourblind”

(Extra)

“What?”

“I literally just ask what was next.”

“Huh?!”

“Oh so you’re deaf, blind, stupid and colourblind!” 

“Oh i forgot your deaf, blind, stupid and colourblind! What don’t you have?!”

“Colours.”

“**, what don’t you have?”

“Brains?”

“What is this?! Vomit green!?”

“It’s olive..”

“It a mistake, that’s what it is.”

“Are you excited for (school name)?”

“Why would I ever be excited about school?”

“In my defence, I was left unsupervised!”

“I think I’ll die actually. Let’s try it!”

“You have to upgrade from a bystander and become-“

“A bully!”

“What you got there?”

*Very dangerous person behind them* “A smoothie?”

“Ah, yeah, I’ve heard about that! Rates are crazy in the States, right?”

“I’m from Canada.”

“Oh.”

“** you don’t have to talk. I have to talk.”

“If you push me, I can push you back.”

“No. You can’t.”

*in the other room*“Can I come out?”

“You’re gay?!”

“No! I can out like that last year!”

“I am a mosaic of every person I have ever loved”

“You Know other men/woman/gays and didn’t tell me?!”

“So, how did you two meet?"

“...You know, we actually legally can't answer that."

“As a members of the high gay council, he is gay.”

“Shout out to (person), gotta be one of my favourite genders”

“We'll blow up that bridge when we come to it."

"Nothing is getting blown up, **."

"The bridge is!" 

OR

“Not with that attitude”

“Remember guys, pain is just weakness leaving the body”

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade, make life take them back.”

“Aw, he’s cute and stupid. I’m keeping him.”

“He- he almost killed like half of us with that shit!”

“Shush.”

“Hey ** do you know about the autistic monkeys?”

“Wha- *laughs* N-nO”

“Good.”

*laughs* “that’s so funny, the autistic monkeys”

“I said Arctic Monkeys”

“Oh- *laughs* Y-yEah, I know the band”

“What- I mean monkeys that live in the arctic”

“Oh- we were not on the same page for this entire conversation”

“I DID IT! I MADE HER/HIM CRY!”

“In another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you”

“I- thanks?”

“Who needs hygiene when you got cake?”

“Your horrible and I love you”

[imaginemyreality03]

🕹️👨‍💻An escape is only an escape if you still live most of your life in reality👨‍💻🕹️

🛑SPOILERS AHEAD🛑

(YES EVEN IF YOU SAW THE MOVIE)

Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

Read: January 27 -> January 31, 2024

BRA Score: 79/100

Favorite Quote: “No one in the world gets what they want and that’s beautiful.” - Wade, Pg?

~~~~~~~~

Book Gist: Wade is growing up in 2045, with nothing and no one to his name. His saving grace from a life of boredom and loneliness: The Hunt. The creator of the most used product in the world, The OASIS, left behind a challenge when he died 5 years ago that whoever can solve all the clues, pass every challenge, and collect every key will win his Easter Egg, which will make the winner richer than their wildest dreams, and give them full control over the OASIS. Wade isn’t the only one searching, millions of OASIS users have had their hands in the hunt, but the most dangerous is by far the Sixers of IOI, the quickly-monopolizing second tech company that will corrupt and destroy the sanctuary that Halliday built in the OASIS to turn it into another capitalist endeavor. Wade is trying to win it before IOI can, but if he is so poor he can’t even leave his school’s planet, how is supposed to solve anything?

Tags: SciFi, YA, Virtual Reality, Violence, Future-set

~~~~~~~~

Overall Review:

Pre-read:

The movie is by far one of my most favorite films of all time. I can pick it up at any point and immediately start quoting word for word. It’s my comfort film.

That being said, this read was highly anticipated, and I have not circled back yet to read Ready Player Two (though it’s on my list for next month because I am very excited that the sequel film was green lit).

Plot:

And, I think because I’ve lived the movie for years, I wasn’t made about how different the book was, BECAUSE my source material was the film, knowing the film was adapting the novel. I wasn’t attached one way or another on seeing parts of the book in the film. And because I have a mind for film, and how adaptions work, I could recognize why such significant parts of the story had to be changed, like the fact that there are 6 challenges (one per key and one per gate), or Daito and Sho being related, or iROK’s entire character (he drove me crazy tbh). To bring that to film would be such a struggle, because it’s so well layered and incorporated in the novel, with the pace and the plot structure, keeping that would not be plausible for a film timeframe and a bit too busy for the attention span of a film viewer.

Worldbuilding:

What I also really loved about the book was the detail! It was all so intricate and so reference heavy. It goes so much deeper in the book than it ever went in the film, and I love that. Because I’m the kind of person who can identify a detail as it is presented that’s meant to be hidden only to be very important later on, this book had me on the edge of my seat, I had no clue what would matter and what wouldn’t, which is exactly the reason why Halliday’s Hunt was so hard in the first place, so I really felt right in the middle of it all.

Romantic Sub-Plot:

Wade and Samantha’s relationship was a lot less interesting and a lot less necessary in the book, I felt. I didn’t really feel their chemistry much. I think their friendship only culminating in a relationship post-egg (or even moments before the final battle) would have been a lot better, especially if they had previously acknowledged that they had feelings for each other, but it didn’t feel right to explore that side of their relationship yet.

Wade:

Also!!!! Dude, Wade is so much fucking smarter than the film makes him!! He freaking infiltrates IOI (which is so much more awful in the book) and takes them all down from the inside and then freaking escapes!! Sam was legit just allowed anywhere she wanted and then walked out in the movie. He is a literal genius.

Cast:

Losing Daito IRL really made the stakes more intense than in the film, even with the stacks blowing up and the car chase. I was really sad for a while with that one, especially for Sho.