#irrational spaces
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2024 art summary! it sure has been a year
#ever makes art#i bsky tweeted a bit but it feels weird talking there still so ill do my usual rambling into tags here :)c#i burned out super bad in the middle of this year for months where it felt like i couldnt draw anything good no matter how hard i tried#and the harder i tried the worst it felt - to the degree that i legitimately thought i wasnt going to be able to draw anything again#which sounds SO dramatic i know i know. but feelings arent always rational!!! and so many others things were going wrong at the same time#so it was strange putting together this year's art summary and realizing Huh. i did still have paintings to put in every space#that fear/anxiety spiral seems even sillier and more meaningless now that i have distance and proof of how irrational it was...#...but in reflection i'd like to think of it as proof that even when you feel at your worse it's worth it to keep trying...!!#after the Black Hole of Nothing i've been working every day on never ending doujin and xv anthology and orv sketchzine and merch#i can't say that i feel my artistic skills have like. improved or anything... but the passion i feel for the stories i read and#the stories i want to tell is still there!! and the happiness from getting to put form to those feelings large or small is worth it too#anyway......... lotta words to say tho i haven't posted much anymore and socmed is imploding and the world is dark#thank you very much for staying with me another year. i am - as ever - always grateful
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I M
R ATIONAL
#weirdcore#my stuff#liminal#liminal photography#liminal spaces#photography#amatuer photography#dreamcore#unreality#liminal places#liminal aesthetic#wierdcore#unsettling#irrational#photo edit#airport
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Yes Reigen becoming Hanazawa's new parental figure and essentially adopting him but only post-s3 finale to make it clear that he's filling a Mob-shaped hole and only if Mob gets super jealous and guilty and weird about it 🥰
#mobreimob#mobrei#reimob#hanazawa starts living with reigen and when mob finds out he fucking. hates it#like hes happy for hanazawa bc he seems much happier but also why did HANAZAWA get to see his shishou's living space before him#mob would know that he's being irrational and that reigen and teruki look far more like father and son than anything else but it would CHAFE#and reigen. reigen is missing mob and trying to let him go since he doesnt need him anymore and. well.#hanazawa needs someone#he doesnt need REIGEN specifically but he likes reigen and reigen is an adult willing to help#hes already gone up against claw and he knows how to deal with espers#he doesn't mind teruki being a little arrogant and haughty bc reigen himself is arrogant and haughty sometimes lmao#they get along really well#mob almost explodes when he comes by one day to hear dimple saying something about how reigen finally found an esper that wants him around#bC HE WANTS REIGEN AROUND. HE WAS HERE FIRST DAMMIT. FINGERS TWITCHING FOR AN EXORCISM EKUBO#mob psycho 100#hanazawa teruki#reigen arataka#kageyama shigeo#mob#mob is vibrating with how jumbled up he is#he sees hanazawa and reigen having ramen at THEIR usual place and every firs hydrant on the block explodes#momataka#just for teruki tho
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I don't really care about the reasons behind it all. It doesn't kill anybody to have five minutes of compassion and sensitivity to a grieving person. I wouldn't have even tried to stop anything but been excruciatingly understanding.
That said, my grief is valid too. I'm sick and tired of killing my own feelings to accommodate everybody else's when they often treat me like crap anyway.
I deserved the courtesy of knowing before she completely changed his room. I wanted so sit in there for five more minutes and soak up his essence. I deserved that, hard stop, I don't care.
#tw grief#when i think about it it feels like a marble has gotten lodged and stuck in my throat#but i think its important to honor this piece of anger#no it wasn't “just a room” it was his personal space#i dont care if its irrational because its not#i deserved that courtesy#i deserve to feel like hes not being erased
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Kenophobia fear of empty spaces
#alternative#juresmccann#grunge#dark academia#dark grunge#gothic#light academia#phobia#fear#irrational fears#phobias#fears#psychology#liminalstctic#liminalcore#liminal vibes#light grunge#liminal aesthetic#liminal spaces
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#it's strange to have a self contained perfectionism. i know other people who wish they could control other people out of being chaotic.#people who try to make everything black or white. people who want to always be in control of their situation and the big dangerous vehicles#they travel within. but that's not how my control issues manifest. i think people are allowed to be messy and irratic. i like when#situations and ideas are nuanced. i would rather not be in complete control of my surroundings. the only thing i need complete and utter#control of is myself. i am not allowed to be messy. i want everything about myself to be black or white. i want to have complete control of#this human vessel. my perfectionism is self contained. and its deeply irrational. and deeply frustrating because my perfectionism is#imperfect and lazy. because im getting better and its difficult but easier than i would have expected. and rationally i know thats a good#thing but then all i see is my lack of conviction. if i was more perfect i would be worse. if i was more perfect someone would have noticed#how sick i was or would have actually said or done something. someone would have stopped me. so i wasnt really that sick and im not really#that sick now. and its not a big deal. because it all seems so easy now. so it seems like i was just a slightly odd very quiet kid with#control issues who stopped eating and never learned how to take up any space. and i get so fucking frustrated at every doctor i talk to#because they all treat me so gently and talk to me so cautiously and i know thats their job and i know they're saying the right things. but#its not like i stumbled blindly into this. i did it intentionally and maliciously. i know its a road paved in suffering and ending in death.#that was the point. this wasnt born of vanity it was born of malice. and youre only worried now because im telling you to worry so shut the#fuck up and let me fix my own problem. its just that i never intended to make is this far and that me of the past was trying to poison my#future. so i have 15yrs curroded and spongy from wishing death upon myself. and now that the idea of my box of ashes sitting on my dad's#mantle next to my mom's rips me apart i have to find a new path forward. even when all i can think is that i still wish i was worse#resenting that i have to get better when it feels easier to be distructive. if you hand me a knife my instict is to twist it in my gut. so#what now? its just irritating. because i always was and remain a picky eater so i have to choose to choke down whats on my plate.#anyway. just another adventure in the eternal paradox of internal perfectionism while being a compulsively analytical ecologist.#unrelated
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Aro culture is wanting to scream at your friend to just dump their hateful racist asshole boyfriend, while at the same time knowing that they won't listen to you because they are in love and apparently, that erases their ability for critical thinking
While also not saying any of that because it would be rude
A "hateful racist asshole boyfriend" sounds ripe for a situation in which your friend could be dating someone actively grooming them for domestic abuse.
In those cases, individuals often already have poor boundary control, and it's not the critical thinking actually missing: it's the security that creating boundaries doesn't mean losing someone who they feel cares about them. Judgements on their ability to "think clearly" are both misplaced and encouraged by the abusers, as worsening self esteem leads to an abuse victim seeking comfort... often from the abuser.
I think it's very, very important to recognize that the best thing you can do for them is to be there, continually reaffirm that they can always tell you anything, and rather than pressure them to break up... ask them to tell you about the relationship. You can guide them to red flags, but also try to present possible communication elements. There are guides online by great resources talking about how to best support these conversations.
And, of course, it's always possible it is simply that your friend actually is racist and they put up with the behavior because of that. It's not hard for some bigots to find an in through less overt bigotry. But I strongly encourage folks to realize that "in love with no capacity for critical thought" is a very dangerous warning sign that someone may be unable to recognize healthy boundaries, and worse - to recognize unhealthy boundaries.
#Anonymous#aro culture is#aro#aromantic#actually aro#actually aromantic#ask#mod phoenix#advice#abuse cw#basically the communicate or break up discussion should only happen if there is recognition that something is wrong#before that you have to understand that you can guide them towards noticing problem behaviors... but there are a lot of people#who have never learned healthy boundaries or relationships#and for whom the discussion is going to necessarily begin with gently reaffirming that they are allowed to have boundaries#or - in some situations - starting from allowing them a space to explore for quite possibly the first time... what they want and don't want#maybe that's in the context of relationships and will lend itself quickly to learning about how liking/disliking can mean something#like the necessity of communication or boundary setting#but it's also very possible that they may need to begin with understanding alexithymia and learning to name those emotions#this doesn't mean that this work falls on you by necessity... but it really pays to recognize that people are irrational for a *reason*#and that reason usually is not knowing another way to respond or not having the capacity to respond another way#in that moment or in general
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so for context mari fridge exists because somebody had literally NOTHING good to say about omori, and would refuse to focus on things they enjoyed, and basically dedicated their whole blog to complaining about omori on the character tags to an annoying degree instead of doing something more productive with their time, and they'd always say that mari was "fridged" so from that, mari fridge was born
OH that guy. Yeah I have him blocked LMAO most of his takes seem like bait, but bait or not I don’t want to see them because the mischaracterisation makes me want to tear my hair out lol
#I try to avoid senseless hatred towards my interests#it’s usually just bait and just makes me angry so I just stay away from it#I encourage criticism! but not stupid pointless bs that just makes people mad#like the mari fridge even more now. thank you for turning something really stupid and irrational into something silly#I made a post about it before but passion and love in fandom spaces will always overcome hatred#so just ignore people like that!
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System Shock 2 (1999)
System Shock 2 is a 1999 action role-playing survival horror video game designed by Ken Levine and co-developed by Irrational Games and Looking Glass Studios.
You awake from the cold chill of your cryo-tube to discover cybernetic implants grafted to your flesh and the crew of the starship Von Braun slaughtered.
The infected roam the halls, their screams and moans beckoning you to join them as the rogue artificial intelligence known as SHODAN taunts and ridicules your feeble attempt to unravel the horrifying mystery of the derelict starship Von Braun.
#system shock#system shock 2#system shock remake#horror#horror game#horror games#survival horror#psychological horror#classic horror#psychological#playstation#psychological horror game#pc game#pc games#irrational games#bioshock#bioshock infinite#psychological fears#shodan#space game#space horror#old game#old pc games#old video games#old school games#old games
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been a while since ive had a spell of anxiety bad enough i genuinely can't tell how much im overreacting
#like AM i overreacting? almost certainly. are the REASONS for being anxious valid? might be tbh!! but then again maybe not#i really really hate this. i hate not being able to judge what is Reasonable what is Rational. most of the time although i cant dispel#the anxiety i can still on another level know that it is irrational and that tempers the effects. not this timeeeee#meeting with my mentor tomorrow im going to try to get things as clear as i can to move forward i just dont know if ill be able to make#myself explain how ive been feeling because im genuinely afraid ive been wasting both of our time by not taking enough initiative#like i think he thinks im much busier than i actually am but i have no idea what he thinks im Doing because he hasnt given me all that much#to do#(unless im missing something major which is very unlikely and not really worth worrying about i dont think)#but regardless i spend a Lot of my time just sort of whiling it away looking at literature that isnt really relevant scrolling thru shit i#dont care about on linkedin staring into space etc#and now the big meeting for the program is coming up and we still havent done the experiment we originally set out to do#and i really honestly think i couldve made more progress by now if id just decided to take things more into my own hands#but for some reason that didnt really occur to me until fairly recently and now it feels like too little too late#idk idk tbf im pretty sure most of the other people in this program have said they feel like they arent prepared for the meeting either#but like im unprepared for REAL for real and i know i couldve taken steps before now to avoid that#and yeah it comes down to feeling like ive wasted time and resources that couldve been used better by someone else#because they SHOULD be used i dont hate my job i dont hate the project or the program i think theyre all worth while#but somehow im just not transferring that into my day to day#BLEH. maybe hopefully i can get on a clearer track for the next month or so at least with this meeting tomorrow#personal tag
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every few months or so i have a recurring nightmare where i horrifically neglect some animals i have and theyre like barely holding on and im like what have i done how did i let it get so far im a monster and its always like hamsters or mice or something and once it was a human baby and once a spider. anyways today it was rats and one of them bit me which i think was deserved and a sign of revolution. next dream theyre going to unionise and start eating me alive or something. and good for them honestly dream me had it coming
#just for the record these animals are not real and i dont neglect my pets i swear my dog is very spoiled#i talked about this with my therapist and the conclusion was that i probably worry too much about doing things right so it doubles over into#irrational worry im neglecting them but unfortunately that realisation does not make the nightmares stop#so now its like upsetting in the moment but once i wake up im normal again#and almost kinda funny like. why am i dreaming about rats i dont have. ive never had a rat#they need too much space and their short live spans make me sad#cw animal neglect#its only imaginary but. anyways
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i hate that one of my triggers is cigarettes and smoking in particular. (yay childhood trauma) because i can't even really see smoke rising without feeling a bit uncomfortable -- like i can't rewatch some TMS seasons because of the smoke from the campfire and i'm just so fucking mad at myself because... it's just smoke from fire. not even related to cigarettes and mostly detatched from the trauma. it feels so pathetic. and now there is a meme trend where people are talking about cigarettes a lot in Funney Posts. and the word itself makes me visualise it and smell it and it's not great.
#dw i don't expect people to cater to it. it's my own trigger i have to cope with in open spaces#i just get so mad at myself#it's nothing against people who do it at all just a lot of trauma from it as a kid i don't like to talk about in detail#like i could censor the posts but then it still shows up as 'this posts contains the word c*garette'#and i'd rather see it not singled out#adult on here who has had a job for 2 years and now thinks they are fitting in to society and above everyone:#'you can't have irrational triggers how do u cope in the real world loser lmao get a job lmao'#why do you think i can't leave the house . i have many issues and not all of us can blend in to society even if we are poor#anyway. that was a tangent.
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How any convo about aemond loosing an eye goes with the crazy people of this fandom
A “he was going to murder him, he deserves it”
B “no he didn’t”
A “he was being rude, he deserve it”
B “being rude doesn’t justify making someone disable”
A “he was going to murder him, he deserves it”
And the cycle continues
#and yea I would consider myself team black if it wasn’t for how embarrassing y’all are#I can’t understand how people on the correct side feel so irrational competition(?)to the pointof making themselves the wrong one#someone had the balls to say aemond would be punished in a modern court#due to an assumed throw an assumed trajectory and a crime happening six years in the future#why do y’all feel the need to play victim all the time?#team green already gives you plenty to be mean about#stop going around shouting your BS#hotd thoughts#hotd#got#asoiaf#asoif/got#team green#team black#aemond targaryen#I want to watch next season but y’all make me hate this show#idk why the algorithm is obsessed in showing me this stuff#maybe I curated my space too much from the team green fanatics and now I ended up on the opposite side of bad#I just want the lesbian content back!!
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Nosocomephobia fear of hospitals
#alternative#juresmccann#grunge#dark academia#dark grunge#gothic#light academia#phobia#fear#irrational fears#liminalcore#light grunge#phobias#phobies#fears#psychology#liminal vibes#liminalstctic#liminal aesthetic#liminal spaces#hospital
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Also fun fact, I currently do not have any S2 promos drawn so don't expect to see any for a while :3
#irrational treasure is the next one i gotta do#followed by space race and measure up#i want three in backlog before i start writing S2#you know stay ahead of the game#jen rambles#universe falls
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What Are You Truly Afraid Of?
✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦
Fear is a strong word. Everyone feels an unpleasant emotion towards something to be terrified of and experiences it in some form—whether it’s fear of failure, rejection, or mortality. It is often felt in the body before the mind catches up. It begins in whispers—small, uninvited doubts that slip in when the world goes still. You might not hear it, but you feel it: the tightening of your chest, the shiver of hesitation in your spine. It’s not always the loud, crashing terror you imagine. Sometimes it’s just the weight of what if.
What if you fail? What if they leave? What if you’re never enough? Fear takes root in the spaces between what you are and what you fear you will become. It nestles in your vulnerabilities, clings to your unspoken insecurities, and lingers like smoke in your lungs—unseen, but always there, always lingering.
But what are you truly afraid of?
Is it the dark? Or is it what the dark might hide? The unknown fires like bullets—every possibility, every outcome, every disaster that could befall you and strike you down without warning. The unknown is both freedom and prison—endless potential, but also a door that opens into emptiness. And in that empty space, fear grows: in the not knowing, in the silence before the storm, in the unknown territory of tomorrow.
Perhaps you are afraid of losing control, that fragile grasp on the reins of your life. You cling to the illusion of assurance because in assurance, you are guaranteed that there is safety. But the truth is, control is fragile. It shatters at the first sign of havoc, leaving you grasping for something solid in a world that refuses to be held still. Control slips away when you can no longer steer your own path, when the tides grow too strong to fight.
Maybe, though, you’re afraid of being seen. Not in the superficial way—no, it’s deeper than that. It’s the fear of exposing your core, of revealing what’s really inside, those hidden parts of yourself that even you don’t fully understand. The parts that would crumble under scrutiny. The fear that if others truly knew you, they would turn away. It’s not rejection you fear so much as the silent realization that perhaps you never belonged in the first place.
Or, likely enough, you fear time itself—the relentless ticking of the clock that pulls you forward, whether you’re ready or not. Time leaves nothing untouched: dreams fade, faces change, and one day, you will look back and realize you’ve become someone else, someone you didn’t quite intend to be. Time whispers, Hurry, but the more you rush, the more you lose. And in that loss, you fear that you’ll run out of chances to make it all count.
But in the end, what are you truly afraid of?
Is it death? The end of everything, the fading into nonexistence? Could be. But even death is not so much feared for its end, but for what’s left unsaid, undone, unexperienced. It’s the fear of not having lived fully before the curtain falls. It’s the fear that you’ve missed your purpose, that your time here has slipped through your fingers like sand, forgotten and unacknowledged.
And yet, perhaps the thing we fear most is not any of these, but simply the fact of being human. The truth that we are all delicate, unpredictable, and transient. That no matter how tightly we try to control our story, no matter how carefully we construct the walls around our hearts, we are always vulnerable. Fear is the constant companion that shows us our fragility—the reminder that life, in all its beauty, is momentary.
But maybe, just maybe, that is what we need to embrace. For it is not the absence of fear that defines us, but our ability to stand in its presence, to let it wash over us, and still choose to move forward. To live despite it, to love despite it, to reach out even when the future seems doubtful. In the face of fear, we find our strength.
So ask yourself: What are you truly afraid of? And then, ask yourself again if it’s worth letting that fear hold you back.



— @yanavao
#writer#writing#mentally exhausted#mentally fucked#original poetry#tumblr fyp#fyp#writers and poets#poetsandwriters#poets on tumblr#unsaid thoughts#fears#irrational fears#doubts#terrified actually#foryou#fypツ#viralpost#original writers#writer stuff#writerblr#writer problems#empty spaces#thoughts#fypppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp#fypシ゚viral#poemsbyme#angst poetry#angst comfort#fypage
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