#irrelevant but also i was holding myself back from saying 'that's so crazy' at least thrice in the notes. ily author boy go write ur | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

honeymilkk00 · 3 years

Text

Haikyuu Boys: You Flinch

yooooo so my first post on tumblr,,, kinda scary but here goes nothing. if the characters are too ooc i apologise but it’s because this is my first time writing a haikyuu one shot. also i’m fucking obsessed with angst to comfort hmu with some good ones (hopefully i haven’t read them). also pleaseeeee this isn’t an attack on the reader, you all are so fucking gorgeous. i’m trying to write this angst with my personal insecurities in mind so it can be more realistic. remember to drink water and eat 3 meals a day.

characters:

-tanaka

-ushijima

---------------------------------------

Tanaka

Recently, you had noticed a strain in your and Tanaka’s relationship. Of course, you were always pretty self-conscious in the relationship- he always hung out with Kiyoko when he went to practise and spoke about her like she was a goddess.

That didn’t mean you didn’t like Kiyoko. In fact, you looked up to her a lot, heeding her advice every time she spoke to you. But, who wouldn’t be insecure? Kiyoko was everything you were not. She was smart, she was pretty, she was organised, and she had a great personality to go with it. Sometimes, you’d sit thinking that maybe Tanaka would be happier with her.

And today was one of those days. It was lunch and, as usual, Tanaka was at practise. You didn’t mind and grew pretty accustomed to it, often sitting to the side of the sports hall, watching and cheering. You were happy that your boyfriend had such a deep interest in something.

As you sat next to the coach, taking small bites out of an apple, you noticed Tanaka’s wondering gaze. Following his eyes, you frowned slightly when you noticed him staring at Kiyoko with a small blush on his face. An uneasy feeling in your gut made you stop eating, just watching. When Tanaka walked over to her and tucked her hair behind her ear after helping her pick up spare balls, you felt bile rise in your throat. Suffocating. It felt like suffocating as you watched your boyfriend touch and blush around your friend whilst right in front of you.

Biting your lip nervously, you packed away your lunch and stood up. There was still 10 minutes left of lunch. If Tanaka asked, you could’ve dismissed it as simply wanting to get to class early. Nodding to Coach Ukai and Daichi, you swiftly exited the sports hall and walked to your next lesson.

Somehow, you had avoided Tanaka for the rest of the day. You knew you were probably overreacting, but the way he looked at her with such a loving gaze made you feel sick. He didn’t even look at you with that much compassion, and you were his girlfriend.

So, you slung your backpack over your shoulders and made your way home. Normally, you would walk with your boyfriend, but not today. It was silent without Tanaka making small comments here and there and laughing. Insecure thoughts filled your mind, and, with no one to distract you from them, you listened.

You listened to every single thought that crossed your mind.

Why were you not pretty enough?

Why did Tanaka love Kiyoko more than he loved you?

Why were you so petty?

Why were you running away instead of talking to him?

Why were you not good enough?

You swallowed the bile that slowly rose in your throat and looked down at your hands that clenched together.

Just get over it. You can’t be better than her.

A hand placed on your shoulder, snapping you out of your thoughts. Swiftly, you head diverted to look at whoever touched you right in the eyes.

Shit.

“Hey, you’ve been ignoring me since lunch. Did something happen? Why are you walking home without me?” Tanaka let go of your shoulder and raised a curious brow at you.

You weren’t ready to talk to him yet.

Forcing a smile, you looked down at your hands instead of his gaze-his piercing gaze that left you weak and helpless. “Nothing is wrong,” you started, pausing for a second to recollect your thoughts. “I just wanted to get to class quickly after lunch... And I was walking home by myself because I have a lot of homework to do.” You lied smoothly, but of course, Tanaka saw through it.

Narrowing his eyes slightly, Tanaka sighed and tilted his head, “are you going to tell your boyfriend the truth or continue to lie straight to my face? We’re partners- a team- you’re meant to trust me and communicate. Wasn’t it you who said that was important?” His voice gradually got louder with every sentence, his patience wearing thin.

You looked back at him and opened your mouth, before closing it. Of course, trust and communication is key in relationships but... Your eyes glanced up at Tanaka. Opening your mouth again, you spoke, “It’s just...” You started and licked your lips, taking a deep breath, “You seem to be close with Kiyoko. Very close..” You whispered the last bit, but he still caught it.

Clenching his fists, Tanaka frowned, “well excuse me, but she’s been my friend longer than I’ve dated you. I don’t see why it’s an issues now.” His voice was firm and loud, making you shrink into yourself.

“I get that, I do. But you can’t just get all close like blushing and tucking her hair behind her ear when you’re in a relationship.” You tried to reason with him. Yes, you know they were friends longer than you and Tanaka had been in a relationship and you respected that. That was why you never mentioned anything before.

Tanaka made a ‘tch’ sound and took in a deep breath, glaring down at you. Like this, he looked like an alpha- strong, in charge, dominant. In normal circumstances, you might’ve blushed or even squirmed, but in this situation, all you felt was your fight or flight impulse going crazy. “Well I’m sorry, but just because you’re insecure about yourself doesn’t mean you can be a selfish bitch! Grow up (Y/n)!”

That was what made you snap.

“Excuse me!? Tanaka, you told me to communicate and so I did, but when I do my opinions and feelings are immediately shut down!? I’m not saying you can’t be friends with Kiyoko! You can! Just please don’t keep touching her intimately because it makes me think you’d rather be with her!” You shouted back.

Letting out a deep growl, Tanaka leaned over you with a menacing glare and quickly lifted his hand, which made you flinch violently and close your eyes tightly, lifting you arms to shield yourself.

Snapping out of his rage, Tanaka’s eyes widened.

You flinched. You flinched at him.

Did you seriously think he was going to hit you?

Taking a shaky breath, he gently placed a hand on your cheek, which made you flinch more and slowly open your eyes to look into his. Your eyes held nothing but pure fear. You couldn’t help it- Tanaka was big, strong and intimidating. Tears gathered in the corners of your eyes.

“Please don’t look at me like that, baby.. I’m sorry.. I’ll never hit you.” Tanaka whispered softly and pulled you in for a gentle hug. “I’m so sorry I scared you like that..” He murmured lightly.

Shakily, you took a breath, letting your tears slip down your cheeks. “Ngh.. ‘M sorry I annoyed you Tana...” You whispered softly, crying into his shoulder. “’M just... Scared. Kiyoko is beautiful and has the best personality and I’m just... Me.” You admitted, finally calming down when you realised that Tanaka would never ever hurt you, no matter how much you angered him.

Tanaka’s eyes softened and he gently stroke your hair. “Exactly. You’re you. That’s why I love you, baby.” He whispered gently and pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead.

Slowly, you leaned into his touch more, “Okay...”

Tanaka sighed gently, “I didn’t realise I was being too touchy with her, but I’ll stop for you baby. I love you.”

“I love you too.” You smiled weakly back.

“Icecream?” He asked.

“Please.”

__________________________________

Ushijima

You always knew volleyball was his passion. It was his everything, and you respected that.

Still though, when you became his girlfriend, you thought that maybe you’d at least tie with volleyball in importance. However, you soon realised three months into the relationship that what you believed didn’t seem to be the case. In fact, it seemed as if you were more of a chore for Ushijima than something he enjoyed spending his time on.

Eventually, it all got too much.

You watched him practise from the side-lines, frowning since he barely even glanced at you, let alone said hello. Of course, you didn’t mind. He was focused on practising, so it would make sense if he didn’t acknowledge you.

Ushijima paused his practise to get a small drink and you took this opportunity to encourage him and drop off his lunch since he had a tendency to forget his. “Ushi, you’re doing so-” You started, but was soon cut off by your blunt lover.

“(Y/N), can’t you see I’m focusing right now? I’ll talk later, but right now volleyball is all that matters. You’re irrelevant right now.” He retorted swiftly, before shrugging you off and going back to practise his spikes.

Biting your lip slightly, you swallowed thickly and looked down at your feet in shame. Those words hurt, even if they weren’t the most aggressive. Maybe he did only see you as a burden. The thought made you shiver and deepen your frown. The last thing you wanted was to hold your boyfriend back, even if it hurt you. Taking one last glance at Ushijima, you set his lunch down by his bottle and turned away, hiding the tears in your eyes by looking at the ground.

It felt as if someone was squeezing your heart in your chest, and a lump soon formed in your throat. You choked on a sob and headed home, turning off your phone completely.

Once you had reached the comfort of your house, you collapsed on your bed and sobbed silently into a pillow, curling tightly into a small ball.

You were unsure as to how long you had been crying for, but you soon awoke from a slumber when you felt the bed dip and a large arm wrap around your waist. Biting your lip, you turned your head to come face to face with Ushiwaka. “Ushi...” You whispered quietly.

“My love, you have been crying. Your eyes are red and puffy.” He stated and frowned lightly. “What happened?” The male gently brushed his thumb against your hip, caressing it tenderly.

Tensing up, you sat up and pushed his hand away lightly. “Ushijima..” You started and looked down, clenching your fists together. “Is volleyball really that important to you..?” You whispered out, barely loud enough for him to hear.

The brute frowned and also sat up, narrowing his eyes slightly, “(Y/N), why are you so annoyed over my passion?” He asked and let out a scoff. “What, are you jealous of a ball? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?” Ushijima’s voice raised slightly, but he soon shut up when he noticed you flinch and sink deeper into the bed.

You avoided eye contact from your lover and gripped the sheets tightly in your hand, “’M sorry..” You whispered out as tears filled your vision. “Maybe I am being ridiculous.. I just think that...” You choked on a sob. “That you’d be better off with someone else. All I seem to do is hold you back from doing what you love. ‘M just a pain..” Hurt filled your voice and you swallowed thickly.

Ushijima’s eyes widened slightly and he frowned, gently taking your hands into his large ones. “Darling... You are all I want. I am sorry if those comments I said earlier made you feel insecure, but I truly do care for you. You are the only person I want in my life.” Gently, he placed his forehead on yours and kissed away your tears. “You are anything but a pain, my love.”

Looking into your boyfriend’s eyes, you smiled lightly and pressed your lips against his delicately. “You’re forgiven, Ushi..”

#haikyu #haikyuu #haikyu x reader #haikyuu angst #angst #haikyuuangst #tanaka angst #ushiwaka angst #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima angst #requestsopen #haikyuu comfort #tanaka ryuunosuke

382 notes · View notes

rhysismydaddy · 4 years

Note

Pre-mating bond reveal Feysand Smut request! Featuring feyre in some lingerie and a whipped Rhys ps. I love your fics

On the long, never-ending list of things I need to be doing right now, this is definitely at the bottom.

I need to find out what Azriel learned from his spies in the human realm, make sure Amren and Cassian haven’t gone to wreck the Summer Court, and pay my taxes.

Watching Feyre shop for lingerie is below the fucking taxes. It’s below everything.

And yet here I am, staring with too much interest as she runs her finger along lacy unmentionable after lacy unmentionable.

I’m mesmerized, desperate to know which one she’ll choose to buy. The simple knowledge that she has it will torture me, but I don’t even care. I have to know.

Five minutes go by, then ten.

I follow her like the whipped little bitch I am as she circles the store once more, making sure my face doesn’t betray my interest in the teal little thing in the corner.

“You know what, I don’t think I’ll get anything,” she announces suddenly, turning to me to analyze me with those beautiful, too-observant blue eyes of hers.

“Alright.”

“I mean, do men--sorry, males--even care about this kind of thing? Or do they just prefer their women to be naked?” She peers up at me, lips curved into an innocent smile. “Which do you prefer?”

“Last I checked, I don’t have any women.”

She shrugs like that’s irrelevant. “You’re buying it. You should have an opinion.”

Before I can even start to respond, she’s closing in on me, putting a hand against my chest and leaning in co-conspiratorially. “Hypothetically, if you were to come home to find me draped across your bed, what would you prefer I be wearing?”

She grabs something off one of the racks, and the feel of lace on my arm makes blood shoot straight to my crotch. “Something like this? Or nothing at all?”

My jaw aches from being clenched so hard, and there’s absolutely no way I can respond, so I just shrug.

Feyre smiles knowingly and flits across the store, snatching up the piece I’d been subtly--at least I thought--eyeing the entire time.

She drops it on the counter and gestures over her shoulder to me. “I’ll take this. He’s paying.”

I roll my eyes but nod when the clerk looks at me, and she makes a valiant attempt at hiding a smile. Once the damned thing is wrapped up, Feyre slips the bag on her arm and gives me a bright smile.

“I’m going home.”

My chest clenches at that word, just like it always does, but I ignore it. “I’ll walk you.”

“No, thanks. I’ve got what I wanted from you,” she teases, shaking the bag in my face. “But who knows? Maybe in... two or three hours when you come home, I’ll be waiting for you.”

Fucking hell, she’s going to kill me.

But the question is... is she just teasing me, or is she serious?

Exactly two and a half hours later, I find out.

She was fucking serious.

She’s...

Ah, fuck.

Fuck.

I’m frozen in the door, staring at her, and I can’t think about anything besides how right this feels.

Coming home to find her in my bed, wearing some wonderfully indecent negligible, looking at me with so much blatant lust it almost chokes me.

It’s so fucking right.

But it’s also wrong, because she doesn’t even know why it’s right.

Because I still, still, haven’t told her that she’s mated to me.

Because I’m stupid.

Stupid or not, I realize I’ve been standing here like some mute idiot for a little too long. “Hello, Feyre darling.”

She smiles at me, a warm smile that makes my chest ache, and I grip the doorframe to keep myself from striding to her and tasting it.

If she knew, she wouldn’t smile like that. She’d probably scream at me and rage and curse the gods for giving her someone like me.

And I don’t want to tell her, because I’m selfish and love the look on her face. Right now... right now she’s looking at me like I’m everything.

With a dramatic flourish that makes my lips twitch, she throws the cover off of herself, allowing me an unobstructed view of the overpriced contraption I bought earlier tonight.

It’d stood out to me because of the color. The bright turquoise is almost the exact shade of her eyes, and it’s beautiful against the pale backdrop of her skin.

The color, however, is not what my mind is focused on.

It’s focused on the way the lace frames the smooth swell of her hips, the way its not exactly solid enough to hide the rosy color of her nipples, the way the thin, feeble straps are slipping off her shoulders.

No longer able to stop myself, I stroll over and brace my hands against the edge of the bed.

I take another long look, starting at her pretty red toenails and ending at the challenging look in her eyes.

“Hi, Rhysand.” She says my name slowly, like a woman who knows she has a man in the palm of her hand. “So? Do you like it? Or would you prefer me in nothing at all?”

“You’ll have to give me a comparison,” I respond, forcing my eyes away from the swell of her breasts for a moment. “But maybe later. Right now, I’m interested in this little get up. It did cost me quite a bit of money, you know.”

Reaching out, I grab her ankles and slide them around until her body’s facing me.

“I’m afraid I can’t see all of it, though.”

She understands and smoothly turn over, putting the rest of the little set on wide display.

And by the rest of it, I mean the tiny slip of blue lace resting above the curve of her backside.

She’s temptation incarnate, a woman designed by the gods to drive me happily to insanity.

“Hm,” I murmur nonchalantly, running my finger along the material softly but not touching the skin I’m suddenly desperate to bite.

She shivers, and the fact that I’m affecting her but barely even touching her does little harm for my ego.

Reminding myself yet again that I should walk out of this room and lock the door behind me, I put a hard boundary in place.

I can’t fuck her.

Not yet. Not while she doesn’t know who I really am to her.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t satisfy the insane curiosity that’s been demanding for weeks I find out how she tastes.

“Turn over again.” She complies, and I lean to press a kiss to the top of her ankle. “Now spread those pretty legs for me, Feyre darling.”

Slowly, her feet slide apart on the sheet, and I trace the movement to look at the apex of her thighs. My hands glide up her skin, and she sighs, the sound so goddamn pretty I have to take a deep breath to calm myself.

I press a kiss to the inside of her thigh, and her hand shoots out to grab my hair and force my eyes back to hers. “I want-”

I know what she’s going to say, so I cut her off. “And while I’d love to give you anything and everything you want, we don’t have time.”

“We have all night.”

“Mm, true.” Another kiss, but this time I dart my tongue out to taste her skin. Holy fuck, she’s perfect. “But when I fuck you, Feyre, I’ll need longer than one night. I’ll need days, maybe even weeks. I’ll need you to be so strung out on me you can’t breathe, so desperate you beg. And we’ll definitely need to be out of the city, because I plan on making you scream my name loud enough to wake the dead.”

It isn’t the whole truth, but not one word was a lie.

It seems to do the trick because Feyre settles back, raises an eyebrow, and says, “Proceed, then.”

She’s trying to play it like she’s so unaffected, despite the fact I can smell her arousal and see the way she’s clenching the bedsheet.

I slid to my knees, bowing before my mate, and pull her ankles until her legs rest over my shoulders. I realize my wings are out, yet another testament to how different this is, how unhinged I’m becoming.

For a moment, I just familiarize myself with the feel of her skin, so unbelievably soft and warm against my palms. She lets me touch her, leaning up on her elbows to watch.

Making eye contact with her, I lean down and press my nose to the apex of her thighs. And inhale.

Even though it’s been teasing me for the past five minutes, the full scent of her hits me like a punch to the gut, and a low, satisfied sound escapes my throat.

She blushes, color blooming high on her cheeks, and I smile up at her.

Mumbling something I’m too distracted to hear, she falls back on the bed and puts a hand over her face.

Is she... praying?

Gods, I’m going to enjoy this. I’m going to drive her crazy, make her feel as undone as I do.

As soon as I can figure out how to get this fucking contraption off her.

Lace and little straps are everywhere, and I mess with it for a minute before giving up and just ripping the bottom half off.

“Rhysand,” she scolds, like I wasn’t the one to buy the damn thing.

I’d reply, say something witty, but now she’s bare before me, and the sight of her thighs spread for me, the obvious sign of her arousal... it undoes me.

My mouth is on her before I can think about it, tongue tasting her and immediately dipping inside for more because holy hell.

She tastes better than anything I’ve ever had. Better than cool water on the hottest day, fresh sweets, ripe fruit, whatever.

A low groan meets my ears, igniting a fire in my blood, but I keep my pace slow, not wanting this to ever end.

Her hips start shifting, desperate for more friction, but I hold them still and keep her exactly where I want her. I run my tongue around her clit, then suck on it gently, and her thighs tighten around my head.

“Rhys.”

The name I’ve heard for five hundred years has never sounded better, and as soon as we’re done here, I’m making it a law that no one but her can say it.

I kiss her slowly, keep going until she’s panting and cursing and saying my name over and over and over.

She comes on my tongue, attempting to strangle me with her lovely thighs, but I don’t stop. I honestly don’t think I can.

I taste her until I’m drunk on it, breathe her in until she’s all I can smell, fill my hands with her soft skin.

I can tell she’s getting close again, so right as release hits her, I slip two fingers inside her and shift my mouth to her inner thigh, sucking on the skin until it’s sure to leave a mark.

I’m trying not to be too possessive, but the thought of her walking around with a little reminder of whose mouth was on her drives me a little crazy. I push my fingers into her again, kissing the other thigh.

Gods, the feel of her around me... her smell surrounding me... it’s almost too much.

She seems to agree.

“Rhys,” she pants, half sobbing. She’s limp on the bed, legs trembling as I kiss them. “It’s too much. You’re too much. I can’t-”

Dropping a kiss to her hip bone, I crawl up her body, bracing myself on my free hand.

The other keeps moving as I lean down to brush my lips across her ear. “You can, and you will. I’ve wanted you for weeks, Feyre darling, and I’m not about to stop at two measly little orgasms.”

I push my fingers into her a little harder for emphasis, and she arches up into me, pressing her breasts against my chest. “I think you’re trying to kill me.”

“I would never let anything happen to you,” I tell her, meaning the words. Hell, I’d mean them even if she wasn’t my mate.

Her head falls back as she gives in to the pleasure we both know she wants, and I drop a kiss the arch of her neck as a reward.

She hums, a happy little mmm sound that makes me grin.

Her hips lift and circle as she rides my hand, and as she breathes my name again in that husky little tone, I can’t hold out anymore.

I kiss her, exactly how I’ve wanted to since the moment I first saw her.

Her head tilts, lips opening for me, and it sends a bolt of pure fucking joy through me at how natural it is.

An entirely different emotion shoots through my veins as she sucks on my tongue. I know she can taste herself, and the thought makes my cock throb. I’m lying further down then she is, so I press my hips into the mattress to relieve some tension.

Not that it helps when I know exactly how she feels around my fingers and how much better she’d feel around a different part of me.

I nip her lip for being so annoyingly perfect, and she wraps her arms around my neck, using her hands in my hair to pull me closer.

She’s kissing me back, kissing me as if she can’t get enough, and it’s like a fever broke out and consumed us, driving us to a frenzy.

I realize I’ve horribly ignored her breasts and shift to tug the lacy blue bralette down far enough to free them. The tips go rigid under my stare, and for a moment all I can do is try to remember how to breathe.

Then I capture one in my mouth, circling the tip with my tongue in time with the movements of my hand.

“Fuck, that feels good,” she murmurs, the words an incentive as I switch to her other breast.

I’m all over her, pressing kisses to her chest and neck and mouth like I can’t get enough.

Because I can’t. No amount of this will ever be enough.

Eventually, her grip on my hair starts to tighten, and I press my lips to her ears to whisper, “Come for me, Feyre darling.”

Probably for the first and only time, she does what I tell her. As soon as her mouth opens to release a sound that’ll probably make me come in my pants, I capture her lips with mine.

I keep going until every last little helpless whimper stops, then pull my fingers out and lift up slightly to look at her.

Flushed cheeks, wide eyes, kissed lips. Beautiful.

For a second, we just lay there and stare at each other, and I swear to gods, the words are right on the tip of my tongue. You’re my mate, Feyre.

Fuck, I want to tell her.

If only for the two percent probability that she doesn’t try to kill me or become disappointed by the news. The thought of that two percent, of what it’d feel like to be loved by her--not just desired--is almost enough to risk it.

But in the end, I’m a coward, drawing away from her and pulling the sheet over her. “Sleep,” I say softly, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

She reaches for me. “Rhysand, I can-”

“It’s okay, gorgeous. This was about you.” She blinks up at me, blue eyes so godsdamn bright. I brush a finger over her cheek and say honestly, “I wanted this to be about you.”

“Okay,” she whispers back, obviously exhausted enough to not argue, turning on her side and getting comfortable in my bed. I know her smell will be all over my sheets tomorrow, one more temptation I’ll have to deal with. “But next time, it’s about you.”

I get to my feet before I can commence next time. The thought of her hands on me... I could sit still and let that woman touch me all day, and I wouldn’t get bored.

I walk to the door, and stop in the frame to look at her again. She’s already asleep, dark blonde hair bright against the black of the sheets.

Gods, I can’t live without her.

Over five hundred years on this earth, and I’m completely wrapped around the finger of a woman who doesn’t even realize it.

I know I’m not worthy of her, but I also know that if by some miracle she doesn’t run in the other direction when I tell her about the mating bond, I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be.

__________________________________________________________

ask and you shall (eventually) receive. sorry this took forever, but thanks for the request!

140 notes · View notes

ravs6709 · 4 years

Text

Protection- Sokeefe

@three-gulons-in-a-trenchcoat made the perfect prompt, so I decided to write it! Also, this technically counts as my other aokeefe request on wattpad so woo no more long overdue requests!

It’s the sokeefe confession I said I’d write! I made a whole lead-up so it starts off pretty angsty, but mixed in with a little bit of fluff! Tbh, I’m not that gokd at writing angst, but this felt like some good practice and it was fun!

Blood is mentioned, but very mildly and only once so it should be fine. Tw caps

Read on ao3.

•~•~•~•~•~•

Sophie watched when the blade was coming for her heart. She wouldn’t be able to avoid the hit, but she’d be able to move and minimize the damage. She’d be fine, and she’d inflict on the Neverseen.

But then she was shoved to the ground. She rolled to absorb the impact. When she looked up at her attacker, all she saw was blood. The blade poking through someone’s body.

Keefe’s body.

Her heart stopped for a moment, and each moment that they shared flashed through her mind. Each memory was used to power her fury.

“KEEFE!” A scream tore through her throat, as she rushed towards him.

There was lightning. In a way, it was like before her ability has been reset. There was no consideration for anyone around her. But there was no need, because all of her rage was sent to one target. The one who had stabbed Keefe.

The attacker collapsed, and she turned to get the next one, but then there were hands on her shoulders.

Careful Sophie, Fitz transmitted. I’m as angry as you are, but we can’t make too many irrational decisions. They’ll hurt us even more.

She blinked, and the situation looked clearer. If she attacked recklessly, she’d lose focus of her blind spots. But when she looked back at Keefe, and the unconcsious Neverseen member, all the rage that she eas suppressing threatened to come out once more. The members of the Neverseen turned to look at each other, before one of the cloaked elves nodded.

“This fight will continue another day, Moonlark.” Vespera’s voice was a deadly whisper.

Before any of them could react, the Neverseen leapt away.

“We need Elwin,” Sophie said. “Someone hail him.”

“Fitz, go with Sophie to Elwin. We’ll go see the Black Swan,” Dex ordered.

“Okay.”

•~•~•~•~•~•

“What happened?” Elwin asked as he practically ran by the shelves of elixirs, picking out the ones he needed.

She opened her mouth to explain, but the words were unable to come out.

“A Neverseen member stabbed him,” Fitz explained for her.

Elwin was interrupted as Bullhorn began to screech, then moved the curl up beside Keefe. He was about to die…

“I’m not letting Keefe die,” Elwin promised.

She watched as Elwin poured multiple vials down Keefe’s throat. He took out a box of Wound Wipes, and applied it to the stab wound.

It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, but Bullhorn finally woke up and moved away. He wasn’t screaming… which meant that he was okay. He’d be okay.

But despite that, Sophie refused to move. She got up a few times, but never for too long. She wanted to be there at every moment in time. Her other friends would arrive and offer to be there and have her go home, but she refused. It didn’t even matter if she git no sleep or not.

“Sophie.” The voice was Edaline’s. “Please sleep.”

“We won’t force you go to back to Havenfield,” Grady continued. “We’ll wake you up when Keefe does.”

He stepped in front of her, his arms behind his back. A hand moved to reveal Ella.

“We brought her here for you to sleep better with,” Edaline said.

Sophie took Ella, but shook her head.

“At the very least, can you try?”

Her parents held her snugly, and Soohie let her eyes close. It probably was better to try and sleep. Edaline’s hand massaged her scalp, before she started to braid her hair.

“I heard you liked that,” her mother whispered.

Sophie hummed. It felt nice. She listened to the conversations that went down, as Grady and Elwin told jokes to each other. Somehow, she managed to fall asleep.

•~•~•~•~•~•

“Sophie. Wake up.”

Normally, she found it hard to get up. But this time, she was up in moments. Her head darted towards the bed that Keefe had been laying in. Keefe was sitting up.

“Hey Foster,” he greeted with a lazy smile.

“You’re awake!” Her voice was a small gasp, and she rushed towards him. She hugged him tightly.

“Woah Foster, you’re uh… bombarding me with all these emotions.”

“Of course I’m bombarding you with emotions! You almost just-”

“Sophie, there’s a crowd coming. Maybe don’t yell at him just yet?” Elwin suggested. “He’ll be ready to get up in a few hours, but only for a small walk.”

“Foster, its too early to be humiliated right now.”

She nodded reluctantly, holding back all the words that she wanted to say. It’d just be a few hours.“

•~•~•~•~•~•

Turns out, holding back those words was harder than she’d thought. But they were at Havenfield now.

“Foster, don’t drag me!” Keefe whined.

“No, you’re coming with me, and there’s not going to be any more delays!”

They got as far as the Havenfield pastures.

“It’s going to rain.”

“No! We’re not leaving until I’m done!”

So what if it rained? That was completely irrelevant. They’d all gone though so much, rain was so insignificant.

“Why would you do that?” She asked him. “Why would you do that?”

“You were about to get stabbed!”

“I was about to stop it from hitting my heart! I could have dealt with it!”

“What was I supposed to do then?” He asked.

“Leave me to deal with it? Or maybe you should have just pushed me without jumping in the way? Did you ever think about that?”

“I wasn’t thinking!”

Her arms thrusted out, flailing wildly. Small drops of water fell on her. “Of course you weren’t thinking of the consequences! You keep throwing yourself into danger! Do you want to play hero that badly?”

He flinched, and for a moment she felt bad. “You think I want to play hero? Is that all you think of me?”

They were staring into each other’s eyes when the rain started to pour.

“Of course not! But why else do you keep sacrificing yourself?”

He looked down. His voice was ablow whisper. “I want to protect you, Sophie.”

Sophie from a few years ago would have stuttered and blushed. Past Sophie didn’t know her worth, and blushed at every compliment. But this wasn’t past Sophie. She was strong, and this wasn’t what she asked from him. She wasn’t going to back down.

“You don’t need to protect me!” Maybe she was crying, maybe it was the rain. “I’m the Moonlark, I’m the one who should be protecting you! I’m the one with all these abilities, I can protect myself!

“You think I don’t know that! You think that I don’t trust and believe in you, that you can do anything? I know you can protect yourself! I don’t feel obligated to protect you! I do it because I want to!”

“Why? Why do you want to protect me so badly?” Tears were streaming down her face, but she didnt bother trying to deal with them. “Answer me!”

“BECAUSE I’VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS!” He was louder than she’d been the entire time.

She froze. Did she hear him properly? “You what?”

His eyes were wide with shock. Then he started to laugh. Not pure joy, or because of how crazy the situation was. He looked… almost relieved?

“I love you, Sophie Elizabeth Foster. That’s why I want to protect you. Because I love you, and I wouldn’t be able to stand you getting hurt, knowing that I was able to prevent it.”

She smiled, she smiled so hard her cheeks began to hurt. “You idiot! Did you not ever think that I feel the same way? That I would be crushed if I was unable to help you?”

“So you’re not mad at me?” He asked, his voice merely a whisper.

She took a step closer to him. “Only a little bit. But I still love you.” Her hand reached out to cup his face. “Can I kiss you?”

“Of course,” he breathed.

Their lips met, and it was a little awkward. Neither of them really had a clue as to what they were doing. But despite that, there was still a spark between them, something that told them both that it was right. That it was perfect.

•~•~•~•~•~•~

Taglist- @linhamon-roll @three-gulons-in-a-trenchcoat @imaramennoodle @an-absolute-travesty @clearlykeefitz @midnightbunnyy @shamelesspranksterqueen @fighting-shadows-in-the-night @we-have-no-bananas-today @sokeefeshit

Hopefully I didn’t miss anyone! (Most of y'all mentioned aren’t in The Taglist, so if you wanna join it, just lemme know! Same apllies to anyone who isn’t in the taglist!)

#tw caps #sophie foster #keefe sencen #sokeefe #kotlc #kotlc fanfiction #ravi writes a thing #fanfiction #keeper of the lost cities #tw injury

45 notes · View notes

diyunho · 4 years

Text

The Joker x Reader - “6 Feet”

With the scary events unfolding lately all over the world, Gotham is under lockdown also. The Joker and his girlfriend are self-quarantining at the Penthouse: needless to say entertaining him it’s no easy chore but thankfully Y/N can handle any type of situation. Probably…

Batsy

You almost drop your coffee mug when you see The Joker dangling outside the railing from the second floor of The Penthouse.

“What are you doing, J??!!!”

“Pumpkin, wanna bet I can land on the couch from here?” he flares one arm in the air.

“It’s too far off, you’ll never make it!” you mentally calculate the trajectory.

“Pfft, bullshit! If Batsy can do crap like this, so can I!”

“You don’t have the gear and training, J!”

“Gear??!! Training??!! I don’t need that; I’m not a wimp!”

“Fine, go ahead and break your neck!” Y/N gives up on the already lost cause. “How much are we betting?”

“50,000 dollars.”

“You got yourself a deal Mister Joker,” you take a sip of coffee, annoyed his desire for chaos is already surging to unspeakable heights after being trapped inside for the last 3 weeks.

The King of Gotham flexes his knees a few times for equilibrium and… here he goes: barely misses the couch, one leg gets caught on the night stand and BAM! Lands on the floor with a loud thud.

“Uugghhhh,” he groans in pain flat on his back. “Y/N… I think I fractured my limbs.”

You slowly approach and ignore his complains, pointing out the truth:

“You owe me 50,000 dollars. And if you fractured your bones, I’m going to strangle you on the spot because there is no way I’m taking care of a stubborn patient!”

The Joker makes an extra effort to react at your ultimatum:

“Excellent news, Princess. I can move my toes!”

You roll your eyes and extend one of your arms to help him up.

“Lucky indeed, J. Are you doing this for attention?”

“Gotta keep the flame going, Pumpkin,” The Clown whizzes up a storm, trying to catch his breath following the glorious bungee jumping without a rope.

Baldy

Supposedly J is in convalescence, thus he wanted a haircut. You are both watching TV in the living room, your boyfriend sitting on a chair while you shape the locks behind him.

You start laughing at the funny movie so your hand slips: the trimmer shaves a patch of The Joker’s fabulous green hair, leaving him with a beautiful quarter sized bald spot.

Oh, shit!

He has no idea his perfect groomed style it’s butchered; better to ride this crazy train until he notices. You comb what you can from the longer strands on top of the mess you created, lying without blinking at his question:

“How did it turn out?”

“Impeccable, baby! My flair and precision regarding detail is through the roof,” you boast full of confidence.

The Heinlein Maneuver

You’re tossing bullets at J, attempting to make them land in his mouth.

“Wow, you’re getting pretty good at this!” Y/N praises and he suddenly chokes. “Oh my God!” you panic. “Spit it out! Spit it out!”

You run behind him and start The Heinlein Maneuver which you had to learn in order to repeatedly save The Joker as a result of this being one the couple’s favorite games to play.

One, two, three… Pfuuu, there it goes: the bullet flies out of him!

The King is taking a few moments to recover whilst you impatiently want to find out what he saw this time: whenever he has these near death experiences he sees weird stuff.

“What was it this time?” you curiously inquire.

“I saw Batsy naked,” he exhales full of spite. “That asshole is totally invading my privacy!”

“Naked?” your entitled smirk makes him lose it. “Was he circumcised?”

“Excuse me??!!”

“A girl can be curious,” Y/N defends her inquiry.

“Listen here, woman! The dilemma you should be quizzing me about is if I saw his face so we can identify him!”

“Well, did you?”

“Nope.”

“Then it’s irrelevant.”

“I nearly died Princess! All I need right now is mindless fornication to aid with my rehabilitation,” the strategist in J blurs out.

“You did this to get laid?”

“Gotta keep the flame going, Pumpkin!”

6 Feet

You sneezed twice in a row and The Joker has suspiciously watched you like a hawk since.

“Do you feel sick, Pumpkin?...”

“No, it’s my allergies,” you blow your nose in a tissue and cough due to a scratchy throat.

“Are you sure?...”

“Yes, you know I get like this at spring time.”

“Hm…” J huffs. “I don’t think we should risk infection, I’m too important for this town. I say you take the south part of The Penthouse and I’ll reside in the west. Don’t come any closer, stay at least 6 feet apart just like the regulations stipulate. You can move in the room across from the master bedroom.”

“Huh?!” the baffled Y/N pretends she didn’t comprehend the words. “I have allergies, J!!! ALLERGIES!!!!”

“6 feet Pumpkin! Don’t make me repeat myself!!”

Booty Call

You got mad and moved into the other bedroom; I guess The King wants to be safe from your allergies because that’s what you have and nothing more. Does he ever listen to reason? Nah, that would be a first.

You’re reading a book when your cell phone goes off: an invitation to chat from your man. Across the hallway…Yup…

“Pumpkin!” his face pops on the screen. “I wanna have phone sex!!!!”

“No,” you immediately cut him off, annoyed.

“What do you mean no?! I’m about to blow a gasket over here!!!!!!!!!”

“I don’t care what happens to your gasket Mister Joker, as long as you keep it 6 feet away from me!!” and you hang up.

“How dare you, Princess?!” he shouts at your defiance. “I’ll open an account on PinchMyButt and I’ll pick another partner to tend to my overloaded system!”

“Be my guest!” you snort at his rudeness since you can actually hear him to start with.

PinchMyButt.com

One of the most popular online dating/hook up websites. Period.

The Joker uploaded his profile one hour ago and instead of being flocked with pinches like he thought, there’s no activity besides users flagging the account for “inappropriate content”. Members reckon it’s distasteful to have someone pretending to be The Clown Prince of Crime searching for a match; they have no clue it’s genuine.

Another hour passes by… zero pinches.

J is getting pissed.

30 more minutes… Ding! The app announces.

“Ha!” he triumphantly yells. “Somebody pinched my butt, Pumpkin! Oh, she said I have nice nipples and a cute bald spot! I don’t have a bald spot! Who is this?!” he investigates the blog name: iHaveAllergies69.

Rings a bell: you kept on telling him this plus his girl preferred sex position…

“Pumpkin, is that you?!” The Joker shrieks.

“Yeah!” you admit from the other bedroom. “I felt sorry for you!”

“I don’t want your pity! Unpinch me! Wait, my account just got suspended: due to a large number of objections, you’re account has been terminated. What the hell?! What am I supposed to do now, Princess?“

“Dunno, you’re the one that wanted us to be apart and it’s an excellent rule! I’m enjoying my isolation; you should do the same.”

“How can you enjoy confinement?”

“I’m having fun!”

“Without me?! Impossible! I put the fun in dysfunctional!”

Boinky

The elevator’s doors slide and Frost strolls inside carrying a box.

“Not a step further!” J mumbles taking the safely off his pistol.

He misses threatening people thus when the guys bring food and supplies to The Penthouse he tries to shoot them.

“What’s in there?” he gestures towards the cardboard container.

“Not sure, sir. Y/N ordered it online.”

“Open it!” the stern order leaves no room for hesitation.

Jonny rips the scotch tape and removes the pink, fluffy toy.

“What the heck is this?!” The Joker frowns at its shape.

Frost analyzes the plush item and it clicks.

“Boss, I think it’s a…”

“PUMPKIN!!!!” The Clown interrupts. “Why does this atrocity resemble my crown jewelry???!!” he screams you as you show up in the living room.

A super excited squeal:

“Boinky arrived!!!” and Y/N rushes to get her package. “Toss it! Toss it!!” you wave your arms and Jonny does as required. “I need something to cuddle with since you kicked me to the curve,” you finally address him.

“And you couldn’t find a teddy bear?!”

Flame

The Joker barges in your bedroom while spraying around with disinfectant mist:

“Pumpkin, this is the biggest emergency Gotham has ever faced!!!!” he frantically takes his clothes off and you jump because you just fell asleep 5 minutes ago.

“What is it?” you snuggle with your fuzzy trinket.

“Goddamn Boinky!” your boyfriend snatches the toy and flings it out the opened window.

“What are you doing?!”

“I’m about to explode, woman! That’s what!!! My online dating was abruptly halted by unforeseen factors so I have no choice,” he viciously starts yanking at you tank top. “I either risk contamination or I blow a gasket and that means kaput!”

“I have allergies,” you frown and J tugs at your shorts in a hurry, irritated.

“Exposing myself like this!” he continues bickering and Y/N can’t help it:

“Just like Batsy did?”

The King gasps, appalled you twisted his near death experience vision in such a hasty manner.

“Unacceptable!” he pulls you under him and your eerie grin prompts doubt: “Hold on! Did you purchase Boinky to intrigue me and made sure I can’t blow my gasket anywhere else with the sole purpose of having me crawl back to you?!”

Y/N innocently kisses the tip of his nose, whispering:

“Gotta keep the flame going, baby.”

Also read: MASTERLIST

You can also follow me on Wattpad and Ao3 under the same blog name: DiYunho.

#the joker fanfiction #the joker imagine #the joker x reader #the joker #the joker jared leto #the joker suicide squad #joker #joker fanfiction #joker imagines #jokerleto #joker suicide squad #mister j #Mistah J #mister joker #dc #dcu

117 notes · View notes

alittlefrenchtree · 5 years

Note

I feel so conflicted about Timmy. I loved the sweet, humble guy he was, but now he acts like the biggest diva, going to fashion shows, only hanging out with famous people. I miss the old Timmy, what I see now I don't like. And I don't like that he left earlier and didn't care about Armie, but can stop rehearsing to show his face at fashion weeks. I feel at the beginning it was only about his talent, now it's more about his fashion choices. I don't want to hate, I just feel different about him.

Me @ everyone who will read this answer : Please be kind?

Seriously, just be kind. That’s not a question, just be kind.

More important, unless you’re Nonny and looking for an answer of mine you really don’t have to read all of that. It’s mostly an observation on how Timmy’s career and image is handled right now and nothing groundbreaking at all. There a little bit about his relationship with Armie towards the end. Honestly even you, Nonny, you weren’t probably asking for an answer this long. I just love to hear myself thought, apparently. Sorry if it’s boring as hell for you 😅

I choose to believe that this ask isn’t coming from a wickedness place and doesn’t want to be mean. That’s the main reason why I’m answering this ask, instead of deleting it.

The second reason is because I’ve been contemplating the same kind of questions and the same kind of issues about Timmy for a while now. And since I’m now mostly at peace with all of it, and with the way I see him, I thought it could be interesting to share around that.

By sharing my view on how things are at this moment, I don’t want to invalidate your feelings, dear Nonny (or anyone who feels the same way). Like I said, I understand where they come from. I only hope that, by reading a different point of view, you’ll managed to feel a little bit less conflicted and maybe go back to enjoy some Timmy content like you used to. I hope I won’t sound to harsh or anything. This isn’t my intention at all.

I think the most important thing to remember is that 99% of what we see of Timmy is work. The work of an actor is not only acting. Especially when you have the ambition to become and to stay the kind of actor Timmy wants to be. Every time you see him at a public event, he’s working. Networking is working. Existing in the media eyes is working. Attending as fashion shows is working. That doesn’t mean that, in the case of fashion show for example, Haider isn’t also his friend. Of course they’re friends and of course he’s also showing support for his friend’s work. But it’s also a work relationship. That’s why it needs to be public. Haider is the one dressing him for the premieres of his movies. Haider is one of those who helped build his fashion reputation. Being seen together and publicly supporting each other work, it’s good for both of them, professionally speaking. What I mean is, when you see Tim at a fashion show or at a Hollywood party, it’s not free time for him. It’s a scheduled event on his work schedule. So when you said that he stops rehearsing to go to fashion show, that’s not entirely true. Firstly because it’s on week-end. Secondly, it would be like saying that he stops acting to do promo. Both things are work. Attending to Haider’s fashion show is also work.

Beside the London-Paris journey is hardly an effort. It would take me almost the same amont of time to go to Paris using public transports and I’m living like really close to Paris. And beside bis Timmy has seen SWM within the window of two days that was allowed by his work schedule so it’s not like he has never managed to make things work for Armie either.

For me, the problem is that Timmy has three jobs at the moment. He’s ‘one of the best actor of his generation’, the ‘most influential man in fashion’ and ‘a heartthrob for teenagers and young adults’. I’m phrasing things this way on purpose, because it shows how much weighs on him at the moment. All of this means a lot of expectations on him, a lot of judgements but also a lot of money depending on him. Even if all of his current statuts has been happening in a more or less natural way (he’s one of the best actor of his generation because he’s good at acting, his interest for fashion seems genuine and… well… He’s damn cute so of course he’s a teenage dream), my main concern is the fact that, right now, his public image is handled to encourage these three status at the same time. As long as his acting career is doing fine, it’s not a problem. If his acting career starts to be on the skids, or if one of his parts on a movie is suddenly having very bad reviews, the whole world will start to look at him and at his fashion/heartthrob statuts with different eyes.

But that moment hasn’t happened yet so I think it’s unfair to call him out on that now. He has shown nothing but hard work on the acting part of his career, and he has great things aligned for the next year. He’s a lead on the Dune remake by Denis Villeneuve, he’s starring on a Wes Anderson movie, he has that Bob Dylan thing who he seems really committed to and he’s about to do a run of a promising play. I think his choice on going back to theater, where everything is about acting, is really relevant of how focused is still he’s on acting.

I think it’s also interesting to notice the timing. For the past two years, Timmy has always been disappearing around that time of the year. So much that the Timmy drought has become a thing in the fandom. In the past, Timmy has expressed his need of disappearing and ‘going back in the mud’, both literally and figuratively, after being exposed to public eyes at this extend and for a long period of time. Truth is, I believe that Timmy is not allowed to disappear anymore. I don’t think you’re allowed to disappear for a while when Legendary Pictures is betting a lot amount of money on your pretty face. Because to disappear means media and social media will talk less about you and, in this industry, if people stop talking about you it basically means you’re dead.

So he can’t disappear. But somehow he found a way to focus on acting through theater, even if he has to do it in front of the public eyes. To be honest, I think it’s the least bad solution. I think the need to disappear for him (or anyone for that matter) for a decent period of time is really crucial for mental health and he hasn’t had this opportunity for a while, and I’m afraid he won’t have it either for the near future. Don’t get me wrong, I love that he’s doing theater again. I love having the opportunity to see him live perform I just wish he has a little bit more time to stay off the radar before going back for a whole year of craziness.

I understand that it can be frustrating to feel like most of the talks about him are about something else than his roles or his movies or his acting skills. Like I said, it’s part because of his/his team’s fault because they’ve been feeding the talk so it can keep going and going. It’s also part because the world works this way and is superficial as hell. Movie talks last a few months with the pre-promo/the premieres/the actually promo. A little bit more if you’re lucky enough to get nominations and awards. Then it becomes old news. Timmy’s persona exists every day. He’s doing and wearing new things every day and people are always more excited by what’s new. And the media will keep on using anything to have him as click-bait. It’s a win-win situation for both sides.

Except you never know when people are going to switch. One day they keep on waiting more and more of someone and the next day, they already grew tired of thi person. It’s been too much. They over did it. I sometimes use a tag that say something like « when can we say that too much is too much? » to react to what people and media sometimes do/write/say about Timmy to express this kind of feeling. Of course Tim and his team can’t control everything that is being said about him but I believe that the decisions they made in the past year? year and an half? have lead to this kind of craziness. This makes me think of that french paper, which was basically saying ‘why don’t we stop to consider Timmy as a kitten and make a fuss of everything he did and why don’t we start focusing on how he acts, because that is the real interesting thing to talk about.

Despite everything I can’t hold all of this too-much-ness against him when he’s still working so hard on his roles. I can’t blame him when I think of him giving so much on himself in that before-the-battle speech in The King that I want to go fight with and for him. I can’t blame him when I see him giving so much of himself for Laurie that he’s making me laugh and melt in the middle of a cinema room full of people when I’m usually pretty stoic in public. I just can’t blame him when I hear him talk about Dune and being so excited that he literally can’t stop himself for bouncing on his chair. I just can’t.

What I can do is not not pay attention to everything. I know it’s not an easy thing to do on tumblr and on social media when he’s everywhere and people are retweeting and reblogging the same things over and over again but if I’m not interested, I try to not pay attention. Back during CMBYN and BB era, I think I was looking at and reading everything. I’ve stopped shortly after. I didn’t read the article you’re referring to, for example. Because what’s Timmy is wearing interests me but not the shallow and irrelevant articles people will write about it. Most of them will say the same thing, that it’s Timothée Chalamet world now and us peasants are just humbly living on it. It’s going to be said over and over again until something newer, younger comes along. It’s ok. Being a teenage heartthrob will pass. Being the most influential man in fashion will probably also pass. I mean his fashion choices will probably keep on arousing interest but the world is going to catch up. Eventually.

But acting will stay.

And if in the meantime, he manages to enjoy a little bit of more superficial things and take a shot or two of confidence along the way without regretting too many decisions he made, I say why not let him do that? It’s not like we have a word to say anyway.

I understand what you mean about missing him being sweet and humble even if I disagree with you. I’m not saying that he’s not sweet and humble anymore but I felt something shift between the BB era and TK era. It’s also frustrating because it’s more a feeling than something I can prove or explain. I just don’t think he’s changed, I think he’s a little bit more guarded than before. And if I look at things from an human perspective, it makes sense?

The more people are watching me, irl or online, the more I’m going to be cautious about things I said and how I behave. The more guarded I’ll be. And in my case, we’re only talking about dozens from a few hundreds tops of people tops. Can you imagine living your life in front of millions people? I’d put some distance and some defenses between me and the world as well. He has to if he wants to survive.

We’ve been lucky to have witnessed something as precious and rare as what we have witnessed during the CMBYN and a little bit during the BB era. It was something beautiful but it wasn’t meant to last. Not in the same kind of proportions anyway.

So I don’t think Timmy is acting like the biggest diva. Like I’ve said, what we see of his life is 99% work-related and we see about 10% of his time? Less of that?

Like for example, he’s been in London for what? 10-12 days now? And if I’m not mistaking, we haven’t seen him anywhere except from fans meeting him briefly outside of the theater and him picking up food? Whatever he’s doing, if he has a wild life or if he’s in bed at 9pm every night, he’s being discreet about it. Like he’s always been discreet about his private life, his close friends and his family. Just because he’s discreet about it doesn’t mean he doesn’t see them — old friends and people who aren’t famous. He just doesn’t feel the need to post their face on social media or meeting them in front of paparazzis.

Of course if I wanted to see him as a diva, I could. I’d look at him wearing sunglasses inside and declare that he’s a diva. When there could be thousands of reasons for him to wear sunglasses inside. I wouldn’t surprise me to learn that flashes during fashion week are painful for the eyes, especially for people with color eyes as light as Timmy’s. Especially if you’re tired. Or hangover. Or maybe he’s just thinking of sunglasses as an integral part of his outfit. Like shoes or socks or jewelry or backpacks. Or maybe he just feel safer that way and it helps his anxiety. I tried wearing sunglasses all day long at a couple of occasions when I was particularly tired and it was kind of amazing. Plus it allows you to avoid eye contact with humans which is also amazing.

I wanted to touch a little bit on the fashion topic before moving on to the Armie one. I’m guessing you’re not really passionate or fond of fashion. It’s ok. You’re allowed to and fashion and haute couture don’t do much to help themselves. Or didn’t do much. I guess things are slowly changing like everywhere else. But there are a lot of ego, of superficiality, a lot of changes and improvements that could be made. A friend who has worked for designers and still work in the fashion industry once told me that the industry wouldn’t be that bad if designers stop acting like they were saving the world with their clothes. My point is, just because something has a reputation, doesn’t mean every person who takes part of this thing has the same reputation. There are people in fashion who are truly passionate about what they’re doing and teach you things about fashion that make you look at clothes as wearable pieces of art. Because when you look closely at haute couture, you can see that fashion can take its influences in architecture, sculpture, painting and in many many others artistic disciplines. It has its own history, its own revolutions, its own movements. It tells something about our time and ourselves as a society. All of that goes without even mentioning the close relationship between fashion, high fashion and movies, which I’m sure is very interesting from a Timmy perspective. (I swear I wrote all of that before reading the Dazed itw. Like pinky swear).

At this point, Timmy could have a seat in the first row for every fashion show of every brand. He could attend to all of them, with a different outfit for each, make a show every time and take all the clothes that designers would sell their cat to see him wearing. He doesn’t. He shows up for about two designers and communicate about one more and that’s all. It’s work. Something related to his red carpet premieres. It’s fun and something he uses to express himself and his personality. I think he said something in the Dazed interview among these lines. That fashion is fun but is main focus in on acting.

Here :

“With the development of my career, I also slowly entered the fashion industry. I can feel that fashion and movies are similar to a certain extent. For me, participating in a movie or wearing a suit is about the people I work with, not the brand or money. That's why I keep working with Haider and Virgil. I also maintain good relationships with many brands, but I will not be overly tied to fashion for this. Because my career is an actor, my dream is to be an actor, and I am very satisfied and very happy to be an actor.”

Regarding of Armie… Honestly I’m kind of tired of the debate. Because I’m tired of what the debate says about how we see relationships these days, without even talking about Armie and Timmy.

I’m still trying to understand at which point we has started to need public proofs of private relationships. Likes, Facebook statuts, pictures shared publicly, couple selfies… I mean what the point? How have we become so insecure about relationships and ourselves that we’re now feeling the need to share proofs of private relationships with the whole world to believe it? And to the point that we are now projecting our own insecurities on relationships of others? It makes absolutely no sense to me.

If I wasn’t talking with/seeing my close ones for a whole year or a whole decade for whatever reason, they would still be my close ones. I believe the same thing about Armie and Timmy. Except these two idiots seems to be talking to each other all the time and seeing each other pretty regularly. But because Armie isn’t about work anymore, we don’t have to see it.

Over the past four years, they’ve done nothing but showing and saying how much they care about each other and know about each other and how much they’re still close. Timmy literally said I love you to Armie in a damn public speech. Name me another person for whom he said that. The three words, plane and simple.

If you’re willing to believe that liking each other post on social media or showing up at a public events or pose in front of photographers are better proofs of closeness that what they’ve been doing so far, that says something about how you see relationships, not about how they really are.

Loving someone is not always about rubbing it off publicly for everyone to see. More often than not, loving someone is about answering your phone in the middle of the night, because the person you love and care about can’t sleep or is on another time zone and needs you. That something you can show off on social media or get papped. And maybe we need to start to believe that it’s even more valuable exactly because of that.

#alft asks

151 notes · View notes

mmagazinemoment · 3 years

Text

Why my past loves make me want to look into nihilism as a lifestyle.

Good morning, midday, afternoon, or evening to you my fellow queers and allies and plain and simply gorgeous humans. You see I have already written another version of this edition but instead I have a pure heroine filled piece instead, and you may not be ready for it because it covers a few serious points but it’s also the (fuck your ex) vibe, not literally…unlesssssss * insert meme*. Thanks for joining me again my loves

Why my past loves make me want to look into nihilism as a lifestyle

You ever just meet someone and fall completely into their arms and become almost a complete and utter 3rd leg of the other? What I mean in all seriousness is, don’t you ever feel like the love game grows on you like a drug addiction and I know some of you will see this and be thinking? What do you mean “the love game” I know it’s not a game, a figure of speech as such. Basically, what I’m trying to say is have you ever loved someone so much that you didn’t see the signs of detrimental dysfunction.

Wow that all sounds so serious, let me dial it down a little, I’m just trying this new thing called being uncensored and not caring about preconceived notions of myself from external eyes. Months ago, I was shattered into a million pieces and I won’t blame just him because it was my fault for thinking every relationship or whatever it was, was going to end up like a tv romance, no that’s a lie. I over invested and blamed him for hurting my own self, sure he had something to do with it, but he wasn’t just to blame. Can’t tell me I don’t know how to take accountability (wow I’m funny).

For instance, in a movie you meet and lock eyes with someone and the breeze grasps your hair, when I met said person, I was like ‘omg he’s tall, I’m going to fall in love with a giraffe’ and then I tried to build a home in him, without the investment and time taken to be careful with my time and words of affirmation in efforts to receive reciprocation I never got unless it was backhanded or what I wanted to hear. So how did you perceive your first love? Did he/she/they look pleasing? Or was it the scent of their perfume or cologne? Did they dress in a floral vintage outfit or was it a suit and tie? Ballet flats or sneakers? Tell me? I want to know all of the juicy details!

I know some of you probably didn’t ask or ever want to know but my first love happened in a series of me closing doors journeying through my uneasy sexuality labelling and let’s be real, fuck labels am I right? (unless you find comfortability and closure under a label and with that you’re perfectly valid), Love to me was like heroine and in some senses it still is. When I first learnt of love, it didn’t feel like love, it felt like obligation, perhaps a trend. Love felt like learning all he moves to a Tik Tok dance as fast as possible before the hype disappeared, and it became irrelevant again, questionable reference point but blame social media not me. I was never satisfied.

Keep in mind this was 15-year-old me, trying to gain some sense of validation to seem a little less repressed and not confused because before 15 year old me realised that 12 year old me wasn’t as weird as I thought. I was under this veil of non-transparency and speaking on the subject of transparency I must tell you 12 was the year of age I realised that I wasn’t like the other boys at school, just swooning for girls and getting scared of cooties, I was just begging to be seen by whoever had eyes to care. Sounds dramatic I know.

Nobody was ever there to tell me at such a young age that there were others like me, “different”, the type of boy who watched rebel without a cause and felt weird when James Dean was looking so gorgeous and composed in that leather jacket or admiring Tim Curry when he dressed like no man I’d ever seen on a movie screen in or even real life in the Rocky Horror Show, something sparked in… me. I started on the smallest step I knew, acknowledgement, I knew I could find a home in the fact that there were more people like me, and wow I was right. I was finding comfort in what I knew, I found a few gorgeous women and obviously because of my age we thought that holding hands and a peck on the cheek was all we needed in life from the label of ‘relationship’, but it was only ever a weekly process. Anytime I found ‘love’ I wouldn’t know what to do with it without the chase, like a dog chasing a bone. Even to this day I have never had a successfully long relationship but at least these days it’s not because of my toxic traits, I like to think I’ve grown a considerate amount since I was 15. Don’t get me wrong, neither of those experiences were love? How could they be?

Ironically love happened even ‘after’ I was in a relationship. I had another relationship when I was 17, it lasted a little longer than the prior, it went for a month and a half, I was convinced I loved her, so sappy but you wanted transparency right? I have a lot of it. After that, my ex brought to attention after she cheated on me that I was using her as a sort of beard to cover up the truth about myself, I never knew how to perceive myself until then and that was only the second step, there was so much more to cover.

Skip forward past a few experiences leading up the near current, I met someone, a sort of fleeting romance, now (forewarning, this gets sappy) we talked for a few weeks if my memory isn’t hazy, and we quickly developed something no short of a connection. FaceTime after FaceTime I’d gather more and more pictures of his goofy face and at one stage, I thought I was going to be happy for the foreseeable future, then came reality. You can’t be loved by someone who doesn’t want to face themselves and you can’t help them anymore than what you’re capable of giving out. I didn’t listen to that, naturally things just got worse, and I hated everything…

He would apologise, I would validate his actions to friends who were concerned and realising that I was getting too soon attached and it wasn’t going to end well and I copped the consequences, I still have only recently not found regret in messing up this badly because if I didn’t make that mistake then I would’ve just witnessed those mistakes I made in the lap of somebody else and this is where the saying goes, better the devil you known then the devil you don’t. let me tell you it did more than a number on my mental health before I added up the reasons as tallies against us and internalised what I should’ve subtracted (hehe see what I did there). In all seriousness I wanted the thrill, I sure as hell got one.

Your mental health is amplified by your lifestyle choices and the people you choose to keep in your circle, friendship, or relationships regardless, the whole thing was out of whack and a tornado was nothing less than the accurate definition of where I was at, and it hurt a lot but sometimes it’s best to leave that situation if that person who you thought was going to be there for a while and a necessity to your life ends up being the detriment. (as Ashley Frangipane said) “its crazy when the thing you love the most is the detriment, let that sink in”.

If there is one piece of advice that I want whoever sees this to take with them it’s this, Keep your space sacred baby, you only have one life, but also please do not criticize yourself for getting caught in the motion sickness, sometimes you just can’t avoid it and that’s ok. Life is not a movie, life is more like the behind the scenes extra that puts everything into perspective, it’s rational and shows the hard work put in place to make the art and you should remind yourself as such. Remember also that if you cannot cope with all of the stress that presents itself in your life, that there are people that are equipped to help you hold some of the baggage for you until you are ready to take it back and analyse it. Whatever your grief is, I assure you, you’re not alone.

As always, stay healthy and strut your shit and I cannot stress this enough but keep raging against the machine and the super straights xoxo without the gossip girl, farewell until the next piece of The Mantra Magazine. *keep this in mind* next issue will be a little forward, it will include themes of segregation and war regarding the families of the Palestinians and Israeli conflicts happening right now. So, bring some tissues and an open mind. Farewell.

3 notes · View notes

talesofphantombandits · 5 years

Text

Zero to Six ~ Chapter 5

Happy New Year guys! So this went in a totally different direction to what I originally wanted. But I started writing it this morning then had a little break down because I just hated it :’) So I had a rethink and changed it. I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think.

Also if you want to be tagged let me know, Thank You always for the support <3

Warnings - Just some mild swearing.

Tags: @i-am-sarah , @whothefuckstolemykeds , @drowsyrrog , @culturefiendtrashqueen @rogue-barnes-16--main-account , @alliwantfromyouistomakelovetome , @valerie-weasley , @sueeatstheworld , @pippin248 , @myfatbottomedgirls , @httpfandxms , @cooliosmosh , @speckles-s , @walking-disgrace , @itsmeaudrieee , @fight-the-freaking-fairies , @irrelevant-pumpkin

Gif credit Mrbenhardys

“You know for what you guys do, you’re all so dumb.” I laughed.

I heard a hiss and turned to find One giving me a stern look like I shouldn’t have said anything.

“What?!” I was completely surprised by the look he was giving me.

“She just stumbled in here after the bar fight, the doctor couldn’t resist helping her.” Five had stopped what she was doing and was now giving Four a inquisitive look.

My eyebrows furrowed as I gave a concerning look to Five. I couldn’t help but notice the suspicious glare that Two was giving me. She was incredibly smart, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d caught on and knew who I was.

“Your name was Lilly right?” One asked marching to the door. “Come on I’ll take you home.”

Everyone was looking at One near the door like he’d lost his mind. While I couldn’t help but notice that Four was starring me down. I just gave him a small smile as I jumped off the table.

I quietly thanked Five as I passed her.

Seeing Four this close up was breath taking, He really was a sight to look at. It was like looking into the blinding sun that eventually you had to tear your sight away from, in case of damage to the eyes.

I’d come so close to knowing him, god even one conversation with him probably wouldn’t have satisfied me enough but it would have been a start. Yet One had taken even that from me.

I’d got to witness first hand this distant family that we’d all created for ourselves, now that I have had a taste of actually being in the field with these guys I was dead set on fighting to stay here with them.

“Hurry up” One snapped me out of the daydream.

I looked back at Five and gave her a small smile as I started towards the door.

As I got closer and closer to the little blonde shit leaning on the door frame I could swear he was smirking at me, I had to fight the urge to slap him.

As I crossed the thresh hold our hands brushed, it was like lightning shocked my whole body. I tried no to show the shiver it sent down my spine and the urge bolt out into the fresh air. I didn’t want to turn to gauge his reaction, so I just kept walking after One.

Once we go out to the car I let go all the emotions flying around my head.

“What the actual fuck One?!” I nearly screamed.

He opened up his side of the car. “Shut up and get in the car.” He got in and started the car.

I just huffed, getting in.

“Where are you taking me?” I sighed.

“Home.” He said shortly.

“Why?, why did you do that?”

“Do what?” He didn’t look at me.

“Make me think I was finally becoming apart of the team, I was finally getting the family I deserved. And then you just tore it out from underneath me!” I tried so hard to not scream at him but the more I spoke the harder it got.

“You knew that they weren’t suppose to meet you! why are you suddenly surprised.”

“I want to go back, I want to go to on the rest of the mission!” I crossed my arms stubbornly.

“No.” he deadpanned

“One am not afraid to knock you out and drive there myself.” He just raised his eyebrows at me. “Come on One! why are you keeping me hidden?”

"Because your job is best done hidden.”

“Bullshit!” I finally screamed.

One forcefully pulled the car over to the side of the road and stopped.

“Please just tell me the truth.” I said quietly. “Why do you keep me away? and I don’t want any crap. You and I both know I can do my work in any environment.”

“I just want to keep you safe.” He just stared straight ahead into the darkness.

“What do you mean? Since when have you ever cared about our safety?” I asked confused.

One had always said, If someone gets stuck on a mission they are to be left behind. We can’t be exposed so it’s a price we all have to unfortunately pay.

“You were the first person I found.” He slowly turned his head to me.

I just looked at him confused. One showing any sort of emotion never happened.

“What does that matter? I thought you weren’t meant to care about us?”

“Am not.” He shrugged. “But you were the first member of the team, You were in a very bad situation when I found you. I do actually have feelings you know and I guess I grew fond of you.”

I could feel the tears well in my eyes. “So why keep me away?”

“I didn’t want you to ever get hurt, It would hurt too much to leave you behind if you got stuck. But it’s a price i’d have to pay.”

“Then don’t, you say you care for us deep down. So change the rule. We all need to be there for each other.” I said reaching out to him.

“You know I can’t do that. The mission comes first.” He shrugged off my hand.

“Then at least take me back to the team. I can work at the base, I don’t want to be alone anymore One.” He looked at me with what I sensed as sadness. “Am starting to go crazy staying in those apartments by myself and not seeing anyone for years on end.”

“You’re hurting me more by keeping me away from them.”

We sat for a moment in silence as I watched the cogs in his head turn.

“Fine. But am warning you now, if you get left behind on a mission am not coming back for you.” He started up the car again.

“I’ve known that since day one.” He turned the car around and sped off.

When we reached the grave yard I was shocked at just how many planes had ended up there. “There all yours?” I questioned.

“Every single one.” he mused.

It may seem like a 5 year old thought but I honestly was excited to explore them all.

He parked up outside an old yellow crate and got out, I followed him only to be greeted by a massive dog.

“Hey boy it’s fine, she’s with me.” The dog then ran to his side and he petted it.

I just scoffed, raising my eyebrows at him.

He guiding me to an aeroplane that had a ghost near the door.

I just laughed. “I like that!” Pointing to it.

“I knew you would, you and your spooky shit.”

I let him walk ahead of me so I could get my bearings, To think about what was going to happen now.

“One, you’re back! Am going to need you to spill, who was that?” I heard that annoying sexy British voice as soon as One turned the corner.

“I’ll let you tell her tell you herself.”

Then there was silence. I was about to meet the only family I’d ever known.

I was scared mostly because I wanted them to like me, which I knew they already did but it’s always different in person. I was also nervous to be completely around Four, i’d felt a tension between us at the bar and I honestly didn’t know if I was ready to find out if that was a one sided thing or not.

I took a deep breath calming myself, hen rounded the corner.

“Hey guys.” I just smiled, waving awkwardly.

Everyone turned in shock at my second appearance tonight.

“Well darling, the anticipation is killing us.” Fours dark eyes were trained on me as he leaned on the table.

“Well if you’d let me speak you’d find out sooner, monkey boy.” He shot straight up at my words.

Everyone just laughed at the realisation as to who they were meeting.

I just smirked at such a reaction.

“Zero?!” Three said enthusiastically.

“Glad to see there are actually some smart people around here. Yes, It’s me the almighty hacker.” He grinned at me and I grinned back just as big.

Three rushed forward, picking me up in a bear hug, “Urg am so excited to finally meet you mami!”

I just laughed as he placed me back onto the ground, kissing each of my cheeks.

“Well dam.” Four leaned back against the table crossing his arms.

My eyes travelled to his as we stared each other down.

Someone coughed to the right of me snapping us out of the trace. “So Japan.”

chapter Six

#ben hardy #ben hardy fanfic #ben hardy fanfiction #ben hardy four #6 underground #6 underground four #6 underground billy #6 underground fanfic #billy #billy fanfiction #four #four fanfic #four fanfiction

113 notes · View notes

nazario-sayeed · 5 years

Text

Temptation (Ethan x F!MC) (NSFW)

Summary: If Open Heart 2 doesn't give us Ethan and MC trying to fight their feelings until they can't anymore and Ethan takes MC on his desk then what's the point? My MC's name is Dr. Lexie Anderson.

Word Count: Around 4700 (I'm sorry, I didn't think it would end up that long)

Author's Note: I've rewritten this fic a few times but I'm finally satisfied with the result, at least just enough to actually post it. I miss Open Heart and I miss Ethan, I needed to get it out of my system. It is actually my first fic for Open Heart, so this is a new thing for me. Also, I know this title is ridiculous but I couldn't think of anything better. English is not my first language.

I listened to I Don't Wanna Live Forever by Taylor Swift and Zayn nonstop while writing this, so it's my recommendation today.

Rating/ warning: +18 for explicit sexual content; don't click on keep reading if you're underage or if this kind of content is not your thing. There's smut, angst and even a bit of fluff (kind of?). This fic is a mess.

Masterlist

Permanent tag list: @nazariortega @lahelalove @duchess-ash-flame @carreraleigh @donutsgirl36 @queenkaneko @msjpuddleduck @zadieschoi @flyawayboo @brightpinkpeppercorn @jlpplays1 @desiree-0816 @embarrassingsmartphonegame @mfackenthal

Ethan tag list: @chasingrobbie @a-i-n-a-a-s-h @akacalliope @untealyoutellmewhy @perriewinklenerdie @lastfirstcupcake @sparklinglilac @sofreakingdonewiththeworld @furiouscloddonutpeanut @paulfwesley @vankittenheart @heauxplesslydevoted

Please let me know if you want to be added or removed from my tag list

The first two months of Lexie’s second year in Edenbrook were harder than she thought they would be. Not because of her patients, not because she was now responsible for her own annoying interns, and not because of her new stressful position on the diagnosis team- but because of him: Ethan freaking Ramsey.

Even before Naveen gave her the job on Ethan's team, in which Lexie would work with Ethan as her direct superior, they had this not-so-silent agreement that once he was her boss again, whatever they had going on had to stop. She knew it was for the best, she knew it was the right call; but whenever they would spend all night working on a case together, just the two of them, when he had his white coat off and glasses on, it was so easy to forget about morals, ethics and rules. It was so easy to let her mind go back to the two indelible nights they spent together; his warm mouth on hers, his hands exploring every inch of her body, his weight deliciously pressing her down while their bodies moved together…

“Dr. Anderson?” the sound of his voice brought her back to reality. Lexie noticed he was staring at her with furrowed brows and she could only hope her face hadn’t turned red while she reminisced about their times together.

“Sorry, I- uh- zoned out for a second. What did you say Eth… Dr. Ramsey?” she stumbled on her words. If her face wasn’t red before, it most definitely was now. She cleared her throat and looked down, embarrassed. ‘Shit, Lexie. Get it together’, she thought to herself.

She took a deep breath to calm down and looked up again; her eyes met Ethan’s piercing blue ones and she was falling apart all over again. Even though every brain cell she had was telling her to look away and focus on work (what was the case again? she didn’t even remember- or care- at that point), she just couldn’t. There was something hypnotical about his eyes that made impossible for her to divert her gaze- she felt like she could sink, drown and die in the clear blue ocean on his eyes.

Ethan finally broke their glaring and cleared his throat. For half a second, Lexie could swear she saw some emotion cross his stoic face. Was it sadness? Embarrassment? Longing? But as soon as it had appeared, it went away. The attending checked the clock on the wall and sighed.

“It’s getting late, rookie. We should probably call it a day and investigate Mrs. Diaz condition with a clear head tomorrow.” he said, removing his glasses, not giving her a chance to change his mind. He started to carelessly gather the papers they had spread out across the coffee table and the floor, just trying to get out of there before his mind could trick him into wanting something he knew he couldn’t have.

Hell, who was he trying to trick? He had spent every moment of the last couple of months wanting nothing more than Lexie. For every night they parted ways after work, he wished she was coming home with him. For every case they solved together, he wished he could kiss her to celebrate. And every time she looked at him with that much longing in her eyes, he felt himself just one step closer to letting go. Sometimes, he almost did.

They both picked up researches, textbooks and patients’ chart of the ground, neither of them daring to say a single word- they both just wanted to get away from each other as fast as they could, but only because they both wanted to get so close to each other there was no space left between them.

Then, just like in a freaking romance movie, they reached for the same book at the same time and their fingers brushed against one another. It was the first time in months they had actually touched each other. Until now, Lexie thought that all of those movies were bullshit, that the mere touch of someone’s hand couldn’t actually make sparks fly. It was one of the first times in her life she was wrong about something, because her whole body caught on fire because of his brief touch. She held her breath as neither of them dared to move; the air between felt electric, tension so thick you could cut it with a knife. One wrong move and they would both go up in flames, for better or for worse.

“Ethan…” she whispered, her voice carried with emotion. It was almost pathetic how much a simple touch could affect her.

“Stop.” Ethan cut her off, pulling his hand away and closing his eyes. Her touch left a warm, tingling sensation on his skin, which he tried to ignore. When he continued, the pain in his voice was evident “Please, Lexie, don’t say anything. I don't wanna do something that we both will regret later.”

They were both doctors, trained to trust in factual information, numbers, reason over emotion. And all evidence pointed out to what they already knew: chances were this would end badly. But all it took was one freaking brush of fingers to make them want to throw all of this outside the window and just let go.

“Do you regret what we already did?” she asked, taking one tentative step towards him. She was walking a treacherous path, taking chances she knew she shouldn't. Ethan massaged the back of his neck, feeling a bit uneasy.

“It’s different, rookie, you know it’s not the sa-“

“It’s a simple question, Ethan. Yes or no?” Lexie cut him off, a determined tone in her voice that surprised both of them. He looked at her, thinking so hard she could almost see the engines turning inside his head. After a long pause, Ethan sighed.

“No. I don’t regret anything” he admitted, avoiding her eyes. Lexie hesitantly reached out to take his hand on hers. She felt him tensing under her touch; even though he wanted to fight it, he let himself trace a gentle path with his thumb on the back of her hand, tenderly. "But it’s different, Lexie, you know it is. Whatever we have- whatever we had is in the past. I’m your boss again, and we just can’t let this get in the way of our work. We need to be focused, and you and I… it’s just too complicated, rookie.”

She could feel the anguish on his tone, like if he was struggling to get the words out, fighting with himself. Reason versus emotion, brain versus heart, facts versus feelings.

This time, Lexie was the one who let go of his hand.

“Well, Ethan, then we already have a problem. Because even though I’m trying so hard to fight it, I can’t get you out of my mind. It’s driving me crazy. You’re telling me we can’t be together because it would affect our professional life, right? But it's already affecting it, at least for me. We’re here working on an important case, and when you get close enough that I can smell your cologne, or feel the heat of your body, it takes everything in me not to reach out and touch you, kiss you - and just like that my focus is gone” she blurted out. She had been holding it back inside of her for too long; it ached to hold it in, and it reflected on how wounded she sounded. But she had finally said it. She felt relieved to get it out of her chest, but as the words were leaving her mouth she knew they were a mistake.

Ethan just stared at her, taken aback with the depth and meaning of her confession. She was making it so damn hard to resist. It took him a few seconds to regain his composure, and he tried to look like her words hadn't bewildered him.

“Rookie… We can’t.” that was all he managed to say, his voice cracking. He didn’t know if he was trying to convince Lexie or himself. He didn't have it in him to elaborate, to explain all the milion reasons why they shouldn't do it; all of them seemed so irrelevant now.

“I know we can’t. Trust me, Ethan, I’ve been spending the last two months reminding myself everyday why we can’t” she took a step towards him and gently caressed his cheek. He should've stepped back and removed her hand from his face. Instead, he closed his eyes, absently leaning into her touch. “Ethan, if you really want me to, I will get the hell out of here and never bring this up again. We can come to work tomorrow and pretend nothing ever happened, we can go back to being just an attending and a resident. But you have to look into my eyes and tell me you don't want me.”

His face tried to hide a hundred conflicting emotions that crossed his mind in one second: guilty, desire, sorrow, affection, uncertainty, longing. He knew he couldn't do it, because he did want her- more than he remembered wanting anyone before- and he knew he wouldn't be able to look into her eyes and lie.

“Rookie, it’s not about what I want-“

“Isn’t it, though? Forget about ethics, forget you're the Dr. Ramsey just for once. Focus on what you, Ethan, want. The man, not the physician. There are some things that are worth any risk, right? Are we worth the risk?" she reminded him of his own words. "If you look into my eyes and tell me you want to stop, I will.” she stepped closer, now barely any space left between them. Her hand fell from his cheek to the back of his neck, gently raking her fingers through his hair.

“I can’t.” he barely managed to say, looking down.

“Why not?” Lexie knew why, but she needed to hear it from his lips. She knew she was pushing him too far- but she wanted him too damn much to care. When he met her eyes again, his own had changed. He seemed more determined than ever before, his gaze darkened.

Ethan reached out and held Lexie's waist, pulling her against him, a bit more rough than she remembered. Her heart threatened to burst out of her chest when she felt the warmth of his body against hers, making her gasp. “Because ever since that night at your place, rookie, I can’t get you out of my mind. You have no idea of how much I’ve been wanting to feel you again.”

Before Lexie could say anything else, Ethan lips were on hers. She thought she would melt right there- she missed kissing him so much it actually ached. When he moved his hand to the back of her neck, deepening the kiss, she was glad Ethan was holding her; she felt like her legs weren't functioning anymore. She threw both arms around his neck bringing him impossibly closer.

He traced a path with his mouth down her neck, his stubble scratching her sensitive skin in the most wonderful way. As she held him by the hair, she whispered close to his ear, her voice weak with all these feelings she had been holding back for the past months "I've missed you so much..."

He pulled back and looked into her eyes- she felt like he was looking right at her soul; his expression was softer than she had ever seen, more vulnerable than she could remember. Their gazes said more than words could at that moment: they knew they didn't miss only the physical proximity. Their kisses felt different because they weren't holding anything back anymore, they were letting their feelings for each other pour into the way their lips moved together. Need, affection, desire… they could feel it all when their lips met.

"So have I, rookie" he confessed, brushing the hair away from her face. They smiled at each other, because all the complications of their relationship were miles away at that moment. For the first time it felt simple and easy. They could worry about everything else later; in that moment, they were focusing only on each other, ignoring that there was actually a world outside his office door.

Ethan crashed his lips into hers again with renewed hunger and grabbed her by the thighs as Lexie wrapped her legs around his waist, neither breaking the passionate kiss while he stumbled across the office to lower her on his desk, with him standing between her legs. She wasted no time undoing his tie and unbuttoning his shirt, desperate to feel his skin against her again. He moved his hand to her backside, squeezing it gently as he kissed her neck.

"Ethan..." she breathed his name, incapable of forming coherent words right now. She felt intoxicated by him; his touches, his kisses, his smell… Everything was even better than she remembered. It felt like their first time again, each touch waking sensations she had never experienced before. They still knew their way around each other's bodies like if not even a single day had passed, but something felt different about the way they got lost in one another. It felt like there was more: more passion, more urgency, more fire, more affection, more devotion. There was more of everything, and it still wasn't enough. She needed even more.

Lexie pushed his unbuttoned shirt over his shoulders, and he leaned down to start kissing her jaw, neck and throat, sucking lightly on her pulse point. She threw her head back with delight. She was high on the feeling of having him all over her again.

Their kisses grew impossibly more heated by the second; Ethan pulled her scrub top over her head, quickly undoing the hook on her bra as well and tossing it aimlessly across the room. He kissed her again, and she pulled him as close as possible, relishing the feeling of their chests against each other with no barrier between them. Lexie could feel his erection pressing on her stomach, and it only stirred the arousal between her legs.

He trailed a path of kisses down her body while his hands roamed over her sides, until he reached her breasts and cupped one in each hand, using his fingers to tease and lightly pinch her nipples. He lowered his head and replaced one of his hands with his mouth, working restless until she was panting and moaning his name.

Ethan traced a path from her chest to her stomach, kissing his way to the waistband of her scrubs until he was kneeling in front of her. He looked up at her, his hands ready to take off her pants.

"Are you sure you want me to go on, Lexie?" he knew the answer, but he needed to hear her consent.

"God, yes, I'm sure- please, Ethan" she whimpered, gently kneading her fingers through his hair, encouraging him to do whatever he wanted with her. He smirked, and rolled her pants and underwear down her legs until they were on the floor.

He gently placed Lexie's legs over his shoulders and started to kiss his way up her leg. The expectation was driving her insane; the feeling of his stubble scratching her smooth skin was out of this world, and her breath caught in her throat as his mouth got closer and closer to her center.

"Oh my god, Ethan" she cried out when his mouth finally, finally reached her sex, and he licked a strip from her folds to her clit, coating his tongue on her taste. He moaned against her and she felt the vibrations spread through her body.

"You taste even better than I remembered, Lexie" he said before diving right into her again, and she couldn't answer him even if she wanted to- the way he moved his lips and tongue against her made it impossible for her to think clearly. Two months later and he still knew exactly how to drive her insane.

Lexie threw her head back with pleasure as Ethan eagerly devoured her. The way he swirled his tongue on her made her bit her lip as not to scream. When his fingers joined his mouth, she knew she wouldn't last much longer; he plunged one, then two fingers inside her while his lips captured her sensitive nub, sucking it with flawless precision. She couldn't hold back the moan that escaped her lips as he curled his fingers, hitting the spot that brought her close to the edge within seconds. It took one more flick of his tongue on her clit and she was crying out his name while desperately bucking her hips against his face and hand, stars exploding behind her eyes as she came.

Ethan continued to eat her until Lexie had ridden every wave of her orgasm. He moved away and looked at her, admiring her expression of pure bliss. She usually would have blushed at the vision of someone's face slick with her, but with Ethan she found it extremely sexy for some reason. She pulled him up until their lips met, tasting herself on his mouth and smiling.

"You are really good at this, you know that?" she teased between kisses, making him chuckle against her neck.

"I aim to please, rookie" he said before kissing his way up to the sensitive stop below her ear.

"Well, you did an excellent job" she smirked and pulled him up to her mouth again, wrapping her legs around him.

As they kissed she ran her hands between them, tracing the lines of his slim chest and stomach with her fingertips, feeling him squirm under her touch. She felt him gasp against her mouth when she cupped his bulge over his pants.

She reached for his belt and clumsily opened it, pushing his pants and underwear down just enough to free his cock. She wrapped her hands around him and began to stroke him slowly; her movements were so exquisite that he had to pull away from her mouth to nuzzle his head on the crook of her neck, panting. She could feel his rapid breath against her skin as she moved her hand up and down his length and kissed the spot behind his ear.

Ethan unconsciously bucked his hips forward, trying to enjoy her touch as much as he could. She understood it as a sign to speed up her pace, and she did. She could hear- and feel- his muffled moans against her neck. Lexie's skilled hands moved with expertise, alternating between stroking his whole length and teasing his tip. He couldn't take it anymore and gently bit her shoulder.

"Lexie..." he moaned, and she bit her lip. The way her name left his mouth was so erotic, full of desire… She needed to feel all of him.

"Ethan, I need you. Now" she breathed, pulling her hand away to grab his hair and kiss him passionately. He groaned into her mouth and pushed his pants and underwear down his legs, stepping out of it without breaking their kiss.

The older doctor reached his wallet for a condom and quickly rolled it down, as Lexie's expectation only grew. He kissed her again, but pulled away, wanting to look into her eyes when he entered for the first time. He held himself with one hand and grasped her hip with the other. Lexie steadied herself with one hand on his arm and the other on his waist, desperate to feel him.

They knew what to expect, they had done this before. But, somehow, neither of them were prepared for the overwhelming sensation of their bodies connecting for the first time in so long, like if the wait had made it a hundred times better. Lexie forced herself to keep her eyes open, looking into his blue eyes as he deliciously filled her. She threw her head back and let out a long, lustful moan as he began to slowly rock his hips back and forth against her.

"Please, Ethan..." she begged, needing him to move faster and harder. Slow and sweet was not enough right now- she waited two long months for this, she needed him to give her his all. He seemed amused at her yearning, and smirked before grabbing her ass and thrusting into her vigorously. The luscious sound she made encouraged him to do it again, maintaining a rapid and rough pace. Lexie was delirious with pleasure; she dug her nails into his skin strong enough to leave marks, but she didn't care.

Her legs were wrapped around him, trying to bring him as close as possible. He could feel her trembling around him as she got closer and closer to release, and he knew he was close too. But there was something else he needed to try, something he had imagined more times than he was proud of.

Lexie let out a frustrated groan when he pulled out of her, but before she could complain he picked her up and turned her around, placing a hand on her lower back to bend her over his desk. He used his knees to spread her legs, until he could see the mess she was because of him- she was dripping, her arousal actually running down her thighs. He took a second or two to appreciate the view- and what a great one it was. But it didn't take long and he was burying himself inside of her, until his hips were slamming into hers.

This new angle allowed him to reach deeper than before, hitting that spot with each thrust. He grabbed her arms and held them behind her back, restraining her movements.

"Is this okay?" he asked, just to be sure. The way she was moaning should be answer enough, but she nodded her head to consent- she was too overwhelmed to speak. Seeing how much she was enjoying this inspired the older doctor to let go of any restrain he might still have and thoroughly fuck her. The feeling of Ethan filling her completely, hitting deeper and deeper with each thrust of his hips was maddening.

Lexie was still sensitive because of her first orgasm, so it didn't take long until she felt her legs shaking again, her breath quickened and she tried her best not to scream. Ethan could tell she was close, so he pulled all the way back. Again. She groaned with frustration.

"Ethan, please stop teasing me" she begged. He let go of his hold on her arms and wrapped his own around her waist, pulling her body so her back was pressed against his chest. She reached out and grabbed his hair by the neck, and his hand travelled down the front of her body until his fingers found her clit, making her squirm when he started to draw circles on her sensitive nub.

He rolled his hips forward and started to pound into her again. She felt like she was melting, incapable of saying anything now; feeling his cock moving in and out of her and his fingers stimulating her clit was too much and Lexie was on the edge before long.

"Come for me again, rookie" he whispered against her ear, grabbing one of her hands and holding it tight in front of her body, their fingers interlaced. She had no other choice but to obey. She couldn't deny anything Ethan asked her, ever.

She cried out his name, forgetting about where they were and ignoring everything around them, focusing only on the feeling of euphoria consuming her body. She threw her back against his chest while he fucked her through her orgasm until her legs were shaking.

Ethan knew his own release was close, so when he felt her walls deliciously clenching around him, he groaned and gave it a few more thrusts, letting pleasure run through his body and take over him, reaching his peak a few moments after she did.

He had been inside of her, his mouth had explored every inch of her body, but holding her hand while they came within seconds from each other was the most intimate gesture he could think of.

The two doctors stayed like that for a while, sweaty bodies still connected by the hips while they tried to come down from their high. Lexie could feel Ethan's heart beating frantically against her back, in perfect synch with her own. Both of them were breathing hard, their hands still clasped together in front of her; she squeezed it, and he squeezed back. He lowered his head and kissed her neck and shoulders before rolling out of her and pulling back a bit. Her legs were weak and she grabbed the desk for support, afraid she would actually fall if she let go.

Lexie felt her body beginning to function again, and she turned around to see Ethan discarding the condom and putting his underwear back on. She found her panties by her feet and did the same. Ethan noticed she was staring and gave her a teasing smile before he stepped closer and encircled her waist with his arms, pulling her for a sweet, gentle kiss.

"Come here" he said, and pulled her by the hand across the office. He sat down on the couch and tugged her down to sit on his lap. They kissed again, slowly this time. He leaned down and she followed his lead, until they were kissing with the young doctor laying on top of him. After a few minutes, she pulled away and bit her lip. He noticed she looked kind of worried. "Is something wrong, rookie?"

Lexie hesitated, breaking their gaze for a few seconds.

"Ethan, I need to say that this- us- means something to me. It's not just sex for me." she said, looking up to his eyes again. As he heard her words, his gaze softened and he ran a thumb through her cheek, cupping her face. And then he smiled- the most genuine smile she had ever seen on his face.

"It means something to me too, Lexie. And it…" he trailed off, and she could see the hesitation on his face. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before continuing with a shaky voice "It worries me just how much you mean to me. These last few months were torture, but I knew I had to hold back. I knew that If I let myself feel you again, I couldn't go back to… not having you"

"I… I care about you, Ethan. A lot." she admitted, her heart pounding inside her chest, which was pressed to his. He looked into her eyes and, for the first time, they knew they were on the same page. With a hand on her chin, Ethan pulled her for a delicate kiss. It was a different kiss than any they had shared before, affectionate and tender.

"I care about you too, Lexie" he said, staring into her eyes and gently caressing her cheek. She laid on this bare chest and let out a sigh as he absently ran his hands down her back in a soothing pattern.

"So what do we do now? What happens now? I can't go back to pretending I don't want to be with you, Ethan. I don't want to hold back every single instinct I have to hold you, touch you, kiss you… I can't" she sounded vulnerable and even a bit scared. Ethan considered her words carefully.

"I… don't know, rookie" he admitted with a sigh, unconsciously pulling her even closer to his body "I don't want it either but you know it's not that simple".

"How cliche is it to say we will figure it out together?" she said with a chuckle and he smiled.

"Very. But also appropriate." There was a long pause while they both let the words sink in, wondering about all the possibilities and about the path they would follow now.

"Let's not think about it right now. I missed having your arms around me, I wanna enjoy it for now. Our troubles are still gonna be here tomorrow, right? So let's worry about them tomorrow." Lexie said, and raised her face to kiss him one more time.

It was very late and they had worn each other off, so they were both exhausted. She let her head lay on his chest and closed her eyes, letting the sound of his heartbeat lull her into a false sense of security until they were both asleep wrapped around each other.

At that moment, they chose to pretend everything would be okay, even if deep down they both knew it most likely wasn't true. But, right now, they only cared about the feeling of being on each other's arms again- and that was enough.

#choices fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #dr ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey #open heart #open heart choices #ethan x mc fanfic #ethan x mc fanfiction #n*fw

394 notes · View notes

queerchoicesblog · 4 years

Text

A Few Words On Pride Month 2020

youtube

So, pride month has come at last. No matter how crazy it sounds right now as we're experiencing first-hand one of those events that will end up in history handbooks one day.

I'll be honest, it's quite difficult for me to talk about it now when everything that is not Mrs Rhona releted seems so well less relevant than it was before. But I want to share a few words that most likely nobody will read but I'll let them flow anyway.

I watch that video every single year during pride month. It's from a series I liked quite a lot back then, it's called Sense8. The character speaking is a trans woman, an lgbtq+ hacktivist, reminiscing her disastrous relationship with her transphobic mother yet finding strength in her own sorrow. There is a passage I love:

Today I'm marching to remember that I'm not just a me

But I'm also a we

And we march with pride

These words resonate with me: they summarise perfectly the deep empathy and acceptance that I feel should make us stick together. Both inside the lgbtqa+ community and as human beings: "I am a human being, and thus nothing human is alien to me". I'm quoting by heart a Latin playwright named Terentius (Terence in English, I guess?) so forgive me if I got something wrong but what I mean is...we should all care about each other because no matter our differences, our sexuality or color of skin or class, we are human. We are brothers and sisters: I'm an only child but I believe that the definition of a healthy family is one where people overcome differences that don't truly matter in the end, they don't define us as worthy or unworthy of love and respect which should always be given to another human being.

Unless there are valid reasons not to.

As the latest happenings in the world have shown, a hard truth we all know has been reinforced: we live in a cruel, unfair world where, as Nomi said, "hating isn't a sin on that list and neither is shame". A world where people get hurt or killed for reasons which can be hardly called a motive for violence: not being white, not being rich enough, being different, holding a hand or kissing a person of the same sex in the street.

We may comfort ourselves saying these fears were past fears, last century or even Victorian age fears but no, they're still out there. And we can't turn a blind eye.

The current pandemic added new ones, making our lives even more miserable. Speaking of the lgbtqa+ community, I think I can say the social distancing is hitting even harder. Does anybody feel lonelier now? I rise my hand, I do. I'm not referring to the fact that pride parades are cancelled (because we all know there is a freaking valid reason atm), but getting in touch with other people is way harder now. In my personal experience, getting in touch with fellow lgbtqa+ folks was rare even before the pandemic, now it's hella tough. In the street we hide our faces behind masks and don't have the same careless attitude we used to display. Shaking hands and even the lightest touch or proximity are not allowed under the new restrictions: a few weeks ago, over here a couple was charged for hugging each other in the street. How sad and dystopic are these times we live in...

Virtual meetings can help but they're not like in person meetings: the warmth of personal interaction is simply not there. We try but it's not there. Couples are separeted by lockdown rules and so are some families. Lgbtqa+ hotlines are a saving grace and I cannot stress enough how important they are and how anyone struggling with their mental health or literally anything concerning themselves, their gender and sexuality should feel free to contact those volunteers who are a blessing restoring a little faith in humanity.

My thoughts are for those of us who got stuck quarantining with homophobic/biphobic/transphobic etc parents or roommates, and those stuck in abusive contexts. Yes, even relationships because - I know I'll be super unpopular saying this but we can't lie especially to the minor or vulnerable ones- lgbtqa+ relationships can be abusive and toxic too. As I said, we're human and I am sick and tired of the honeyed sunshine rhetoric of lgbtqa+ people and love as an ever right and righteous safe haven. It is a safe haven for us to some extent but we must acknowledge there are problematic issues in our community. We have to be honest with each other especially for the sake not only of each other but for the vulnerable ones and the young. Like criticising or reporting abusers, predators, rapists and so on don't make us all filthy creatures who will burn on a stake for our abominable sins. It just makes us responsible and looking out for each other.

We spend so long dreaming of finding someone of the same sex to be with that when someone shows us any sign of affection our feelings for them grow fast, even when red flags or abuse enter our lives. We stay because we're hungry for love and crave what straighties seem to get so easily: love, acceptance, reciprocity. To the young and everyone who needs to hear this I wanna say: it doesn't have to be like that. Don't ever settle for cheap love only because you feel you will lose your only chance to be loved. There are good people out there too and you deserve one of them at your side. You will find them, your paths will cross: just be patient and never ever forget the importance of respect and consent.

To all those experiencing anything like the relationships or toxicity I mentioned, who feel silenced by the sunshine rhetoric, I say: you are not alone, stay strong and you did nothing wrong, others did and I'm sorry you're going through this cause you don't deserve it.

I share a similar shutout to those struggling with mental and/or physical disorders. If you ever felt pretty much invisible, you're not. I see you, many others see you and we're all rooting for you. You're stronger than you think and you're beautiful.

The not-as-unfortunate-as-the abovementioned but still quite forlorn are the star crossed lovers meeting that special someone in a bad time. Quarantine will see the blossoming of some romances but also takes no prisoners, blowing off others. They don't vanish though, in most cases they turn into those impossible loves and what if we love so much in the movies and hate in real life. I wish I could lay a blanket or pull into a tight hug all those going through this. Your pain is not irrelevant even if there are worst things in the world right now, our souls hurt for things like that. I hold your shaking hand wherever you are as you stare blankly at your phone, waiting for a message or a call that will never come, or you reminisce, listening to a romantic playlist you still have saved on your device. Your suffering is my suffering.

On a brighter side, cause I don't wanna be a complete downer, the luckiest ones among us are blessed with love and I can't be any happier for you, whoever you are. I can picture the one day a few years from now when I will be talking to someone and they will share their story saying how they met the love of their life during the pandemic. How it wasn't easy at first because of all the uncertainty and fears but they kept trying and it all started with a social distancing date at a park or via Zoom. You lucky ones, cherish that and never take what you have for granted: the love you feel and that special someone is showing you is a balsam in hard times. Please cherish it dearly and never stop loving: one day you'll warm these old bones and lonely heart if we ever get the chance to cross path.

Actually I don't have any more wisdom to share, granted what I wrote can be called wisdom, nor giveaway. I considered doing a lgbtqa+ one in honor of the pride month but I feel nobody would be interested. Or at least not by me and I fully agree: writing is getting hard and I feel like I risk of ruining everything I dedicate myself to, as I usually do in my life. I'll follow the tips of a few anons (I think?) and devote this month to educate myself over aspects, nuances or realities I am not fully familiar with: so I'll watch Pose and Sex Education. Hopefully I'll learn something new that might make me a better human being.

Feel free to share further advice: books, articles, movies, series, documentaries...you name it! Drop a message or an ask and I'll make what I'm starting now a lasting project!

That is my advice: if you're stuck inside with nothing much to do this month, find something that might enrich you, even a little thing, and go for it.

As well as reminding yourself the usual stuff: you are not wrong nor unlovable, you're not offensive or dirty for being attracted to your same sex or both or none. Not to quote Lady Gaga, but it's truly is that simple: you are born and beautiful this way.

Stay safe and stay strong, my darlings 🏳️‍🌈

Love,

#pride month #pride month 2020 #random thoughts

8 notes · View notes

clansayeed · 4 years

Text

Bound by Destiny ― Chapter 18: The High Stakes

PAIRING: Kamilah Sayeed x MC (Nadya Al Jamil) RATING: Mature

⥼ MASTERLIST ⥽

⥼ Bound by Destiny ⥽

Nadya Al Jamil (MC) has been struggling from the day she moved to Manhattan, but her new job as assistant to the mysterious CEO of Raines Corp was supposed to turn her luck around. Until she finds herself caught in the middle of a war involving the Council of Vampires who secretly run the city. An evil from the birth of Vampire-kind stirs beneath, feeding on the conflict, and finds Nadya bound to a destiny she never asked for.

Bound by Destiny and the rest of the Oblivion Bound series is an ongoing dramatic retelling project of the Bloodbound series and spin-off, Nightbound. Find out more [HERE].

*Let me know if you would like to be added to the Destiny tag list!

⥼ Chapter Summary ⥽

With Adrian's execution literally looming on the horizon Nadya enlists Jax, Lily, Maricruz, and Kamilah to put a crazy, life-threatening plan into action.

[READ IT ON AO3]

Nadya’s okay—really she is. Something that Katherine has to assure Lily and Kamilah for her; since they seem blinded by personal attachment. Really, she is!

And it takes a while but the hunter finally gets them to stop fussing over her hand even though she cradles it close to her chest. It still hurts; her fist still stings and there’s a dull throbbing in her shoulder because she threw her arm back a little too enthusiastically. But the pain is nothing compared to the satisfaction.

Satisfaction that she’s sure she’ll feel all over again like it’s for the first time when she’ll go into the office to pack up her desk and see Nicole’s purpling, swollen black eye.

Whatever it takes. Jax was right. And she may not have been able to take on the large vampire guards who dragged Adrian away, or frankly any member of the Council (though in the adrenaline high following Adrian’s sentence she sincerely debated whether the Baron or Lester were the weaker links to start with), or the Trinity if she could have caught up with them in time.

No, she couldn’t fight any of them off. But she sure could cross the chamber and throw the hardest punch of her life right in that traitor’s face.

Whatever it takes.

Cadence and Katherine join them back at the penthouse. They take to the terrace in hushed whispers but no one really notices.

There are more important things to focus on.

Gerard wraps her hand in an ice pack and tea towel. Busies himself by filling the apartment with the aroma of freshly brewed coffee even though what he offers on a silver tray is much darker and thicker than espresso. Lily is somber but takes it hungrily. Kamilah declines with a small shake of her head.

“You need to keep your strength up, Lady Kamilah.” Gerard admonishes. He doesn’t deserve the look she throws his way. “Only trying to help…” He leaves the tray regardless.

No one says anything. Doesn’t know what to say. What to do. The world is at a sort of standstill around them.

Actually it would be easier if it were. Then they wouldn’t know Adrian has twenty-four hours from the approaching dawn to live — wouldn’t know time is still moving around them. Around him.

The terrace door opens and Katherine has the mind to close the floor-to-ceiling blackout curtains behind her companion.

They shuffle awkwardly — an unusual sight from the Nighthunter’s normal confidence — in the middle of the space.

“If we could stay, we would,” Cadence insists. It sounds more sincere coming from him. “But something’s happened back in New Orleans and…”

“It’s okay.” Nadya knows her smile is halfhearted but they get the idea.

Katherine pats her arm softly. “You stay safe, you hear me? Don’t do anything stupid. Well,” she looks at the ice pack, “don’t do anything stupider, I should say.”

Cadence dips his head in an awkward fashion; it takes Nadya a second to realize he’s trying to meet Kamilah’s eyes. But she won’t. Keeps staring down with a thick curtain of hair to help her.

“I wish we could have done more.”

The pair of them make it to the door when Kamilah finally decides to speak. Looks up and stares blankly ahead with her back turned to them both.

“Do not step foot in this city again.”

Cadence hesitates, hand on the doorknob, and throws her back a strange look. “Just because we weren’t enough to save him?”

“No.” There’s a long pause. “Because you court danger, here. Return to your city, to your friends… then take my advice — run. And never stop. They certainly won’t.”

Nadya doesn’t have to ask. The Trinity. But her warning leaves more questions than answers and, judging by the look in Cadence’s eyes before Katherine urges them out, he’s just as clueless.

And just like that the weight of everything resumes crushing them.

“It would be unfair to ask; not only for them to risk their lives but to practically throw them away.”

She looks to Kamilah; who sounds like she’s answering some unheard voice’s questions.

“It would be two clans against four.”

“Kamilah?”

The woman looks at her — through her. Too lost in her own thoughts. “Injustice cannot be combated with justice. Not when everything was stacked against our favor. They walked in there… knew what they were doing when the tribunal was called. Whether the Trinity gave an alibi or not, they were ready to find the smallest shred of doubt and tear it open.”

Whatever it takes.

With Kamilah’s every word an idea starts taking shape in Nadya’s brain. Lumpy, sort of misshapen at first; but the more she takes in Kamilah’s protests the more it starts to grow, and grow, and sharpens itself like a blade.

It’s not a good idea by any means. In fact it’s probably the stupidest idea ever had — not just by Nadya but in the history of the world. No doubt the two-thousand year old vampire would agree.

Just as her idea tops itself with whipped cream and a cherry there’s a kiss to her cheek; Nadya looks to see Lily pulling out an old flip-phone.

“I’m gonna call Mari, ask her where to meet. You should come with me.” She glances sideways at Kamilah. “I trust her, I do, but who knows how long it’ll be once Adrian’s gone until they go after her next? And you, too.”

She doesn’t answer. Lily chocks it up to grief and stands; stops when Nadya grabs her wrist like a vice.

“Don’t make that call just yet.”

“But —”

“Lil’, please.”

She sits, face still scrunched with doubt. Nadya takes her place instead and, still keeping the ice on her hand, rushes through the hall and to her room.

She finds what she’s looking for in a second; her work purse resting on top of the corner desk and her prize right within. Tucks it under her armpit and returns to the vampires but rather than taking her seat she stands before Kamilah to get her attention.

When that doesn’t work she simply drops the stake in her lap. That does the trick.

Kamilah holds it like one might a large jewel; taken aback and slightly confused as to how it came into her possession.

“One down, three to go.”

Their eyes meet. The way Kamilah looks up at her — so lost and out of touch with the reality around her — it makes Nadya think of when she had the same crisis in her apartment. Kamilah hadn’t held her hand and comforted her. She’d picked Nadya up off her butt and pushed her to take a step forward, then another.

And every step since has been easier than the last — no matter what’s happened.

Kamilah’s lips purse before she tries to offer the weapon back. “I appreciate your confidence in my abilities but even I would struggle to confront the entire Council.”

“So we don’t fight the Council —” nope, and Nadya has to be careful in how forcefully she pushes the stake back, “—at least not yet. For now we just fight our way to Adrian and rescue him. We buy ourselves more time.”

“‘More time’ will do nothing to change minds like Vega’s.”

“Oh yeah, that crackpot’s a lost cause. But someone was behind the attack at the Ball — maybe the same person who started the Feral Turnings in the first place. We don’t know who but… we know it’s not Adrian.

“I don’t know what to do, Kamilah. I’m freaking out and kinda numb at this point. And I’m not gonna stand here and say you’re sitting down and taking it — mostly because I value my life — but I want to see the same vampire who scared the ever-loving heck out of me, who threatened me, but who also helped and protected me too.

“I’m mad. And when I’m mad — I’m loud. And I do stupid, stupid stuff.”

“She’s serious,” chimes in Lily behind her; reminds her briefly that she and Kamilah aren’t alone, “like, ‘all aboard the bad life choice express’ serious.”

She shoots Lily a look. Well-meaning, but really? All she gets is a shrug in reply so back to trying to convince Kamilah to join her so-called ‘bad choice express.’

“I don’t have a… a rallying cry here, okay? So let’s — let’s just get up and go kick some ass before I ramble and end up saying something really dumb and irrelevant.”

Not that Nadya anticipates Kamilah to rise like a phoenix from the ashes, donned in golden armor and wielding a sword and shield — a mental image to file away for a less dire time — but she expects, well, something.

Even if that something is just a smirk hiding at the corner of her dark lips.

“I’m afraid that has already come to pass.”

She blinks. “What has?”

“Your rather artful way of promising to run your mouth.”

They look down at the stake together — a nice, polished thing; a gift from Adrian once life attempted to get back to normal — and Nadya smiles when she sees Kamilah close it in her grasp.

“They will be holding him in the safest place they know; the Shrike. Nowhere else has the fortifications, the precautions specifically for our kind. Showing my face will immediately raise alarms, but I doubt I have the time to familiarize myself with the tunnels connected to it.”

That’s exactly what Nadya hoped to hear. Throws a look back to Lily who catches on quick and vanishes towards the kitchen with haste and her phone already up to her ear.

“Oh, and sorry I lied.”

Kamilah frowns. “Pardon?”

“I lied — just a second ago.” She offers her good hand out; doesn’t actually expect Kamilah to take it but the vampire is full of surprises today, apparently. Her grip is cool against the clammy sweat on Nadya’s palm and there’s a certain ‘rightness’ restored to the world when their positions change and she looks up into those endlessly dark eyes.

Realizing she’ll have to prompt an answer, the woman quirks a brow. “About what did you lie?”

Sure, her smile still isn’t that well-meaning. Nadya doesn’t even know if she’d call what she’s feeling hope. But it’s not that gnawing pit of distress and that’s enough.

Because she’ll do whatever it takes to save Adrian. They both will.

“I totally have a plan.”

The familiar ‘NORTHMUN’ van doesn’t pull into a spot; just flashes the brights three times before the engine coughs and takes a well-deserved break.

The back doors swing open and Maricruz leaps out, a predatory animal ready to strike, and immediately she and Lily are in one another’s arms.

Nadya shifts awkwardly on the balls of her feet. Tries not to use the scene in front of them — such a tender kiss despite the longing that fuels it — to give her an excuse to see how Kamilah reacts to public displays of affection.

Lucky(?) her, Jax slams the driver door closed and rounds to join them. Still with his hand on the hilt of his sword and glaring near-literal daggers at Kamilah.

Nadya throws Lily a weary look. “I thought you told him.”

Head resting on her girlfriend’s shoulder, Lily rolls her eyes.

“I did.”

“Like I wouldn’t be ready for a trap when they are involved.” Jax mutters. To Kamilah’s credit his display doesn’t even seem worth a response.

“Good to see you made it out of the frying pan intact, chica.” Mari offers; either doesn’t care about the tension or is so content with Lily returned to her that she can put her hatred of the Council and the Clans aside. If only Jax could do the same.

Nadya can only breathe the barest laugh. “Thanks for joining us in the fire.”

Jax stuffs his hands in his pants pockets. “We haven’t agreed yet.”

“Jax…”

“No, Nadya,” Kamilah steps forward; manages to look down her nose at the leader of the Clanless quite easily, “his wariness is inconvenient — yes — but not unfounded. And if he wishes to treat this like a business deal then I see no harm in complying. So long as he doesn’t waste what precious little time we have.”

Nadya checks her phone—09:09—stifles a yawn and tries not to think that every hour gone is one hour closer to sunset.

They have the bare bones of a plan; and even that’s being generous. Too many variables, too many unknowns… the only thing they can all agree on is the universal fact that what they’re attempting is foolish, risky, and may very well end up in more than just Adrian dead if anything goes wrong.

Now, the only thing stopping them is Jax’s bruised ego.

He steps towards Kamilah with a twitching upper lip. “If you think you can just stand there and talk down to me when it’s my help you need — you can forget it.”

“Jax — no — that’s just how she talks.” Lily supplies helpfully. It isn’t helpful at all.

Nadya feels like she’s going to suffocate under the weight of it. Of the tension, of their time limit, of everything.

“We don’t have time for this.”

“Yeah, well, make time.”

Kamilah snorts. “For a child’s petulant whining?”

“Oh, right. Well how about I take my whining and my van and book it?”

He’s met with silence and considers it a victory. Before Kamilah can clench her fist at her side Nadya slips her hand close ‘on accident’ and immediately the touch goes soft.

“Jax,” she has to swallow down her fear, “please.”

“I thought we’d finally gotten you to listen, to understand a little about what we deal with as Clanless. The risks people like us — people like Lily — have to take to survive because of people like her.” He jabs a finger at Kamilah.

She’s ready to spout out whatever needs to be said to get Jax to change his mind. He’s there, which meant he had to be open to some kind of discussion… right? Why else would he have come — not just to get Lily? Nadya hopes Maricruz might have a solution but the woman shakes her bob of neon blue hair. This is just the way he is.

“I understand your plight.”

All eyes are on Kamilah and with understandable surprise. She continues before Jax has the chance to spit out the insult ready on the tip of his tongue. “You know your worth, your value — your power. You cower in the shadows and watch the creatures in the light — those who think they are better than you by right of passage, birth, both; neither. You wish simply to exist. Regardless of whether you see your new life as a curse or a blessing… there is a part of you that yearns, aches for what you had before: freedom.”

After moments of torturous silence… Jax nods.

“We deserve the right to live without punishment of death.”

“Yes. You do.”

Even Nadya’s a little confused; she’ll admit. Jax’s thoughts race across his face like a film in fast-forward — his emotions on full display in a range. Anger—sadness—confusion… doubt.

Finally he settles on spite. “What game are you playing?”

“None,” she answers, “merely pointing out that we are not so different: you and I, your kind and mine. You are a product of a flawed world; of a failed autocracy and noble intentions that led to ignoble actions. And above all that you are young. So much of your history — our history — is unknown to you.

“Yet I have seen it all: the end of the old regime and the birth of the new one… and how that, too, crumbled to dust. We did not intend to demonize our own. We were placed in a delicate position and at the time our solution was a workable one.

“The populations were drastically uneven. One deviant working alone could destroy the entire system. It didn’t matter if they were Feral or just craved violence. To those of us who lived it, the horrors of what happened in Europe were still fresh in our minds and we promised ‘never again’ because that was our only choice.”

The elder’s words hang over them all; tightening the air and making it hard to breathe. The way she speaks — there are things Kamilah’s holding back. Things she doesn’t want to say… or maybe can’t even after all this time.

But the slow melody of her voice and her careful choice of words works hard to paint a picture in the distance for them all. Just clear enough to let their imaginations fill in the horrible and terrible rest.

Or… that’s probably how it is for Jax, for Lily, for Maricruz.

For Nadya? It’s like a reel — the worst things in eye-stinging clarity. It’s that strange blurry seconds-to-hours right after sleep and just before waking where your dream happens all at once before it fades into nothing.

She doesn’t know how she knows. Feels like she has no right to know; like she’s somehow intruding on the intimacy of Kamilah’s entreating of Jax by knowing — by seeing — what she endured though someone else’s eyes.

Blood in rivers. Brief moments of joy dashed like clouds over the sun. Righteous fire and no bodies to bury. Only ash left on open palms.

But she pushes it down. Shoves it all into a small box inside her already filled to the brim with every other dreamlike memory and sits on the lid praying nothing will get out. Because that’s what needs to be done right now.

For Adrian.

Whatever it takes.

“What do you want from me,” Jax asks with a hard edge, “what do you want me to say? Do you want me to pity you; to comfort you? Because no one was there to comfort the Clanless killed on the Council’s orders — on your orders — when they suffered. No one.”

“For now I want for nothing.”

“Then I think we’re done here.”

“However…” Jax’s hand pauses on the van door; keeps his back turned and tense but he’s not leaving. He’s letting Kamilah finish.

She tries again. “However, I would ask for your help in rescuing Adrian. Not only because he has been the Council’s largest advocate for the Clanless, and should we right this wrong done unto him may find himself dedicated to helping your people — your cause.

“But also because he is a good man — the best of us all. He is good man who suffers now from the same corrupt system which you seek to destroy. And because he is all I have left in this world which gives me hope.”

Yet almost in denial of what she’s saying Kamilah twists her hand and closes her fingers through Nadya’s. Holds her hand delicately; like her bones are as fragile as bird wings. She doesn’t need to say anything.

Jax is struggling. With his conscience, with his code, with his morals and with the thoughts of how this could be turned in his favor. Though his fringe he looks over to Mari. She gives him the least helpful half-shrug in the world.

“We’ve never turned our back on someone in trouble,” she answers his silence, “they just always happened to be one of our own. Maybe we could branch out a bit.”

Lily snort-laughs; kisses her girlfriend’s cheek.

It’s not much… but apparently it’s enough for Jax to take a cautious step towards Kamilah. A breath — and he extends his hand.

She takes it wordlessly. The pact is sealed.

“Fine, get in, We’re wasting daylight.” He barks like a General; rounds back to the driver’s seat while Mari opens up the back. “We gotta swing by a guy I know first — it’d be a good idea to get Lily’s tech, too. Espinoza, do you still have those old schematics of the warehouse district?”

They clamor into the cramped space. Even trying to take up as little room as possible Nadya’s thigh presses up against Kamilah’s intimately. The vampire doesn’t pull away.

“Don’t need ‘em,” Mari taps her temple, “all up here. We gotta use a different lure this time, though.”

“Oh!” Lily bounces in place, “what if we did the Chirp Wireless job, but in reverse?”

The van resists waking once, twice, then heaves to life. Jax revs the engine.

“I like the way you think, kid.”

He peels out of the garage; too fast for Nadya to grab for purchase. But before she can fall she feels something like steel around her waist — looks to see Kamilah’s arm holding her steady.

“Do not worry,” and the affection in her voice sparks more heat inside Nadya than purposeful seduction ever could, “I’ve got you.”

“No need to worry,” Past-Nadya had said, “I’ve never been claustrophobic.”

Past-Nadya was an idiot who thought only of herself and didn’t even take into account how Future-Nadya might feel about things.

And as current Present-Nadya and on the verge of becoming Future-Nadya… she wouldn’t mind giving Past-Nadya a piece of her freakin’ mind.

She shifts her hips; tries to get her knees into a more comfortable position. Her aching joints scream in protest but they, too, want this plan to work so they just let her do what she needs to.

Outside the stale darkness of the shipping crate she strains to hear the conversation — wonders if this is really taking as long as it feels or if time is just moving extremely slowly when she has nothing to do but wait.

She’s about to try a more daring stretch when she finally hears Maricruz off to her left. Freezes in place like that will help.

“Fine evening, ain’t it boys?”

“You’re in the wrong part of town.” Comes a gruff reply. Mari laughs it off with ease.

“Am I really? Stupid me, I guess. But if you know so much why don’t you tell me where I’m supposed to be delivering all this fine-ass hooch because it don’t look illegal if I walk it in through the front door. And we both know el Baron is all about the looks.”

A suspicious silence follows. Nadya strains her ears so hard she can’t hear anything but the blood pumping through her skull.

But Mari plays it cool. This isn’t her first job and it’s not a skill she’s let grow lax with the years. Nadya’s starting to see why Lil’s got it hard for her.

Finally one of the Baron’s men speaks — only his voice is much closer and Nadya has to slap her hand over her mouth to keep from squeaking in surprise.

“So all this is on his orders, huh?”

Mari snorts. “Uh, no shit.”

“Funny, ‘cuz I’m pretty sure after your last little stunt he cut all ties with you smuggler freaks.”

The chorus of ‘oh crap oh crap ohcrap’ in Nadya’s thoughts is so loud she doesn’t know how the vampires can’t hear it through the box.

But Maricruz rolls with the punches — doesn’t even hesitate.

“Not my fault you’re too low on the totem pole to know any better. So low you didn’t even get the night off for his little victory shindig. All that body’a yours and no one to pet it.”

“What’re you harpin’ on about?”

“Wow… you really don’t know.” Mari ticks her tongue. “Shame. All this —” there’s a thud as Mari’s hand just so happens to smack the box Nadya is inside, “— is for el Baron’s victory party after that jackass Clan-whatever-Leader cabrón is fried crispy.”

“Raines?”

“Yeah, sure. I don’t give a shit. I just know I gotta cart over three crates of imported champagne to Lacroix after this and I should’a been there already. So thanks for fucking with my schedule.”

She’s gotta hand it to the woman — even Nadya would be struggling to tell the truths from the lies if she were the one being conned. But that’s what makes her good at what she does.

The tap-tap-tap of Mari’s nail on the lid of her crate stops just short. She probably wouldn’t have heard the vampire’s rebuttal if he wasn’t obviously right in Mari’s space.

“And what about that heartbeat I hear in there, huh? Hooch don’t sound like that.”

“That’s a gift for the doorman, dumbass. But if you don’t want her…” She’s almost sing-song when she seals the deal. But it’s all acting, right? Please dear God let it just be acting.

Then with a lurch Nadya’s moving — too bad her stomach doesn’t follow with.

Lily has strict orders not to talk on the comm. piece in her ear for fear of over-sensitive vampire hearing but she can just imagine how proud she is of Mari. Ten bucks on a full-circle chair spin at the very least.

“You’ll go in through the cellars with a load like that.”

“I know how to do my job.”

“But get in and get out fast. The Boss’ll be coming down to take Raines to his execution soon. If he sees you’re the deliverer I’m gonna lose my neck.”

There’s more thumping, squeaking, and the rattling of metal before something heavy scrapes against the ground. Immediately Nadya’s senses flash back to her first time in these very dungeons — she tries not to let it fill her with hopelessness and fear; all the things she didn’t know and didn’t want to know back then fighting their way to the surface.

Whatever it takes. She tamps them back down firmly.

When the Baron’s henchman speaks again his voice is distant. This is actually working.

“And leave that little snack a’mine in the last cell — you know what, shove a bottle in there with her. If I gotta work I might as well enjoy it.”

“Amen, brother.”

Time slows again in silence. That or maybe she really is in here for hours. No… Adrian doesn’t have hours. She trusts Mari.

Then on muted cue there’s a series of loud thuds and the creak of the wooden lid above her lifting free.

The dim torchlight isn’t much but it’s brighter than the void of the crate so Nadya shields her eyes. Has to blink back bright spots before she can see again.

When her vision clears Maricruz looks down at her with a disapproving frown. “Don’t think I didn’t catch your heartbeat out there, chica,” Nadya takes her extended hand and unfurls herself from the crate with a struggle, “have you no faith?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s a conversation for another time.”

“All right, but I’ve got a good long memory.”

While Nadya unkinks every joint in her body Mari lifts one of the crates filled with actual liquor and drops it aside to pry open the one underneath it. Jax claws his way out with straw in his hair and a glower.

“I’m with her on this one,” he jerks his head at Nadya. A piece of straw flutters to the ground. “You took forever with that. Next time just dust them and be done with it.”

“I was prepared for a scenario with more idiots to con, thank you very much.”

“Well I thought you stole the show, baby.”

All three of them jerk at the sudden noise at which Lily speaks in their ears. The signal feedback screeches and threatens to pop her eardrum.

“Too loud, cupcake!” Mari says through clenched teeth. Lily mutters an apology and the second time around she’s at a much more manageable volume. “Better, better.”

“Sorry guys. We were still calibrated for the construction site job.”

Jax looks around with a grim frown. It’s then that Nadya realizes the last time he was in here he, too, was trapped.

“You okay?” she asks quietly. Jax nods.

“Glad I’m on the other side of the bars this time.”

“You and me both.” Mari hauls the cart aside; presses her finger to the piece in her ear. “Ready with the electrics over there?”

Lily’s reply is fuzzy with static. “I think so. This place is pretty dark but back up top the doors have a random passcode generator. They probably flip it with each new rotation.”

“But can you get it for us?”

“If Cleopatra would stop breathing down my ne — OW!”

Her cry makes Mari stop in her stacks, literally. “Lil’? What the fuck?”

There’s shuffling and feedback. Jax doesn’t wait; just grabs the nearest torch out of its sconce and starts dragging the light over the nearest closed cell doors.

“She is mostly unharmed,” comes Kamilah’s drawl in their ears, “and has learned her lesson about pet names. Nadya — you’re well?”

She tries not to blush in Mari’s presence but the smuggler couldn’t care less; muttering likely insults in Spanish under her breath as she passes Nadya up to join Jax.

“Yeah — yeah I’m okay.”

“Good. Then make haste. They’ll be coming to collect Adrian soon and likely assumed there would be resistance from him. We don’t want them to have brought more guards than we prepared for.”

Replying would only waste more of their time, so Nadya grabs a torch wordlessly to help join the search.

“And Nadya?”

“Yeah Kamilah?”

Silence, then: “Be safe.”

“I will.”

How this winding labyrinth of cells was first built is beyond her, but Nadya wouldn’t be surprised in the least if she came to learn that the Cellars were built solely for the Baron’s purposes. The place isn’t at capacity in the slightest — there’s maybe two empty cells for every forlorn soul that she holds her flickering flame over — but it’s not like that’s something she’s happy to see. There are still way too many captives both human and vampire alike.

And she was almost one of them.

She learns not to get too close when a vampire — not Feral in the literal sense, but feral nonetheless — rushes at her and tries to claw for any scrap of her flesh from the rusted bars of her prison.

“I’m so sorry.” Nadya whispers and continues on.

Rounding the corner to a new row she spots Jax’s face in faint orange at a cell near the very end.

“He’s over here!”

She almost drops her torch in her haste — rushes down the damp corridor just as Maricruz appears in a blur at Jax’s side.

“Adrian!”

Maybe expecting Adrian to be leaning against the bars with the relieved delight of a damsel in distress was too much, but he isn’t even awake. “What’s wrong with him?” She looks between the vampires as Maricruz works her crowbar on the lock. “Why isn’t he getting up? Adrian? Adrian!”

“What’s the matter?” Comes Kamilah’s worry over the comms.

“He’s unconscious,” Jax replies, smacks his open palm on one of the bars. “Hey, come on Raines! Get up!”

Nadya’s voice cracks. “Kamilah he—he isn’t waking up. Why isn’t he waking up?”

“Without seeing him myself I —”

“Corwin!”

Lily’s blunt interruption stops Kamilah mid-sentence. “The Corwin chair took, like, a shitton of energy out of him right?”

The heavy noise of the snapped lock echoes through the stone. Maybe they’re too far underground for anyone to have heard them. Or maybe vampires hear better than she thinks. Either way they need to move.

The door swings open and Nadya runs inside. Skids her knees across the dirty floor but pushes the burning pain aside for Adrian’s sake.

“Check his wrists,” instructs Kamilah, “does he still show signs of the chair’s magics?”

“What ‘magic chair’ are you guys talking about?” Jax stands in the middle of the pathway, his eyes darting left and right for sign of attack. “Get him up — we need to go. Now.”

Nadya ignores the man and gingerly pulls up Adrian’s wrists where his suit sags from his position. The smell makes her nose crinkle before she even sees the wounds up close. Really wishes she hadn’t.

“I-It looks like the bleeding’s only just stopped. I need something to bandage him up — oh god — it’s awful.”

It takes all of Nadya’s effort to keep the contents of her stomach inside. She looks around for something—anything—to use but straw isn’t exactly going to do the trick. Instead she focuses on trying to wake him up; shakes his shoulder first with hesitance then almost violent force.

“Adrian? Adrian come on — wake up! We both know I can’t physically carry you out of here you — you jerk!”

“Nadya if you — will someone calm her?”

Then Mari’s hand is pulling her away. No, they need to help him. “Kamilah how do I wake him up?!”

“If he hasn’t yet begun to heal then they have kept him from feeding. Injuries from magic take a great toll on us — and take a great deal of energy to heal. He won’t wake until he is fed.”

Jax gives a grunt of frustration. “Well we didn’t bring any blood bags so he’s gonna have to suck it up.”

“Not funny.” Mari mutters. “But if you want to get technical we did bring a food source…”

The vampires stare at Nadya in silence. The digital feedback from the comms tells Nadya that Lily and Kamilah are listening on bated breath.

Right. Of course they did.

With a frightful look back at Adrian’s unconscious form, prone and almost innocent on the floor-level cot, she swallows her fear.

“Okay.”

“It’s risky.”

“He won’t hurt me.”

“He might not even know it’s you,” Jax argues, “and drain whatever source comes his way regardless.”

“It’s a risk I’m gonna take.”

Mari nods. “One we have to take if we don’t want all this to be for nothing.”

Nadya shoves up her sleeve — fumbles as she tries to debate if her neck would be better — but while she trusts Adrian she also knows it’ll be safer for them both if she isn’t bleeding from the neck in a dungeon full of starving vampires.

“I… have to agree with the stubborn one on this,” Kamilah’s voice makes her hesitate, “the Adrian you know has reformed his hunger — and also feeds in moderation daily. Starvation may bring out a different side of him.”

“We can’t leave him here Kamilah!”

“I did not say I disagree.”

“So agree with me that there’s no other option. They’ll stop him from hurting me… right guys?” Nadya looks back to the others. Mari gives a curt nod.

Over the comm. she can hear the depth and worry in Kamilah’s sigh.

“I trust him.”

“As do I.”

“So trust me.”

Finally; “Very well. Stop him the moment he begins to heal. It should be enough to wake him and get out. He can regain all his strength when you’re out of there.”

Important thoughts initially pushed aside, thoughts like ‘if he’s unconscious how can I make him drink?,’ come back when Nadya holds her wrist just over his mouth. Nothing happens.

“Adrian…” she steels herself and lowers her arm for her pulse to beat between his pale lips, “I know you’re gonna hate yourself for this later. But right now there isn’t gonna be a later if you don’t drink.”

It’s a miracle but he starts to stir. She shudders when the tip of his warm tongue touches her pulse point. But it retreats — his body closes in on itself.

“No no no!” Nadya grasps his forehead with her other palm and practically forces her wrist back into place. “This isn’t a ‘between you and me’ situation, okay? You’re gonna drink, and you’re gonna stop, and we’re gonna get you out of here — get all of us out of here; me included. But we can’t carry you. You’ve gotta stand on your own two feet. So, uh, you know, wakey wakey… eggs and bak-ey. Chop chop! Get with the sucking!”

Judging by the reactions on Mari and Jax’s faces she regrets it… quite a lot. And is suddenly very very glad Kamilah isn’t there in person.

He’s not resisting this time — which is the only good thing. He still refuses to pierce skin. “Adrian… come on, please,” she’s practically whining now; pressured by the way Jax keeps looking back and forth like he’s invested in a sped-up game of ping-pong.

On her last thread Nadya leans in and whispers in Adrian’s ear.

“You wouldn’t let me die at the Ball and I’m not gonna let you die now. So bite, vampire boy, and beat yourself up about it later.”

There’s an unseen pressure on her wrist followed by a piercing pain. She swallows her cry because she has to. Then her skin feels wet, and his tongue presses flat against the wound, and wow that’s the strangest sensation she’s ever felt in her life but, you know, new experiences.

“What you are doing is incredibly generous, Nadya. Just breathe.”

Kamilah talks her through it. Her voice eases the pain somewhat. Keeps her from having a violent reaction when Adrian springs to life like an automaton and holds her arm down in a vice-grip.

It’s hard to tell in the darkness, especially as things start to go a little blurry at the edges of her vision, but Nadya’s so trained on Adrian and the promise of his recovery that she can see the change in him. The sickly translucence leaving his cheeks and the dark circles under his eyes swelling fresh with life.

On his wrists the charred flecks of unsalvageable skin fall off like ash; replaced new — healthy and pinkish in hue.

“Okay he’s healing.” Mari’s voice is fuzzy in her ears. Who shoved cotton balls in there without her permission?

“Then pull her away!”

Kamilah’s panic shakes her out of her stupor. Nadya tries to remove her arm but with each passing second Adrian grows stronger — his hold alongside. “Adrian stop. Seriously — that’s enough.”

“She won’t be able to fight him with reason. Pull her, Clanless, now!”

“Enough, Raines — enough!”

Knives slice over her wrist and Nadya cries out; thrown back from Adrian’s cot-side and to the far wall where she skids the heels of her palms roughly.

When the stars stop spinning in front of her eyes Nadya stares at Maricruz holding Adrian—now sitting up—back with visible effort. His eyes are red but glazed. Nadya can’t look away from the shine of her blood at the corner of his mouth.

“Get it together, Raines,” Mari grunts with a few smacks to his solid chest, “you’d beat yourself dead if you hurt her and you know it.”

Watching Adrian come back to himself is a strange sight. The way he shifts in his own skin like whatever beast was trying to push through is being restrained; put back in its cage. It feels like she’s witnessing the answer to the great mystery asked by horror writers the world over.

What is the appeal of the vampire? This is. The way he goes from monster to man in the blink of an eye. Literally too; one blink and red fades back to the deep dark warmth she’s used to and even knowing what she just witnessed Nadya still feels herself relax around the familiar presence.

Adrian shakes his head, rouses himself from the fog in his mind. “Wh—What…?”

“Thanks for joining us pendejo — better late than never.” Maricruz helps him along with a few (well-meaning, Nadya’s sure) smacks to the face before she’s across the cell in a blur. Grabs Nadya’s injured wrist like she’s holding a tiny porcelain doll and bares her fangs.

“Hold… still…” Sure, Nadya holds, but Mari doesn’t do anything — which is a cause for concern? Maybe? Probably?

“Uh… Maricruz?”

“Huh?”

“What’re you doing?”

“You smell… wow.”

Immediately the human yanks her hand back no matter how much it hurts. Tries to fight off that natural instinct her mind has to conjure up the worst possible scenario that takes into account she’s surrounded by vampires, three uncaged, and one still jonesing for a fix to recover his full strength.

“Heal her… now.”

Adrian’s croaking command works — not gonna argue with that — brings the other vampire back to herself as she swipes the pad of her thumb over a fang like one might strike a match. Quick, efficient; and before the cut can close up she drags her blood over Nadya’s wrist in a smeared circle to close her wounds.

“Thank you.” says Nadya quietly. Maricruz departs without another word.

She stands; brushes herself off before holding out a helping hand for Adrian to take. She can feel him resisting putting all of his weight on her but it’s enough.

He rolls his shoulders, tries to flash his usual devil-may-care smile but when he starts to lean dangerously to the left she grabs him as best she can.

“Whoa whoa… easy there.”

“I — Sorry.”

“I didn’t know vampires could get vertigo.”

He means to shoot a look at her joke but, when met with her smile, returns it. “Ha ha. Very funny.”

“Let’s get you out of here.”

“Don’t think I’m not grateful, but we’re going to talk about this crazy stunt later.”

“Nadya, please pass along a message for me.”

Nadya grunts as she helps Adrian with his first hesitant steps. When they duck through the cell doorway he’s able to stand unaided — if winded. “Of course.”

“Tell him he’s a fool to think we would have done nothing.”

She gives a small smile down at her shoes before looking up at Adrian.

“Kamilah says she loves you.”

His expression says ‘I highly doubt that,’ and Kamilah’s protests in her ear aren’t helping. But they take hands and squeeze.

He’s gonna be safe.

“Fully intending to break up the moment here — but I’m pretty sure I just heard a door a few blocks over.”

That’s how Adrian notices Jax for the first time. Looks him up and down and, like most, lingers on the sword now drawn and in a clenched hand.

“Do I have enough time to ask why the Leader of the Clanless is helping rescue me?”

Which is enough to make both Clanless pause — Jax dumbstruck while Maricruz hastily rushes to pick up the long stake she dropped before it hits the ground.

“You know who I am?”

“Of course,” says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, “as if I would scour the city to find the source of the Feral attacks without checking into the Shadow Den? What do you take me for?”

Jax’s sword twitches dangerously at his side.

“You know about the Shadow Den?”

Nadya looks for help but it’s clear from Mari’s glare she isn’t going to provide. Stares at Adrian with the exact same wariness; always on the defensive.

“Is now really the time for this? Didn’t you just say —”

“Tell me who ratted us out.”

“I’ve known for years — Kamilah has, too.”

Lily gives a tinny gasp. “The plot thickens!”

“So long as they remained non-threatening we were content to let the Clanless have their space in peace,” explains Kamilah, though her frustration is only thinly veiled, “but perhaps this would be better discussed at a later time?”

Jax looks like his whole world has inverted. Mari, too, struggles with the same sort of stupor but shakes herself out of it at the sound of footsteps and muffled voices bouncing off the walls.

Nadya’s blood runs cold. If she can hear them, then they’ve already run out of time.

Chest puffed out Jax steps forward to confront Adrian with burning eyes. “If you bastards did anything to my people, I swear —”

“Oi! Later, Matsuo!” And his time to protest runs out when the first large shadow is cast on the wall ahead of them. “Time’s up!”

“There they are!”

One shadow becomes two, becomes four, becomes a mass of hulking bodyguards rushing at them so fast the wind they gather almost blows out the torches.

“They’ve got Raines! Kill the others — the boss needs Raines alive!”

Mari and Adrian think the same — push Nadya behind them on both sides where she stumbles and falls behind the liquor crates.

There’s a shout that turns into a wet noise. Nadya looks up just over the rim and sees the nearest body collapse to the ground with the head rolling several feet away before they both crumble into ash. Blood drips from the tip of Jax’s sword, splatters in an uneven pattern on the wall as he readies himself for the next idiot to get too close.

She watches Maricruz vault herself over the cart and slam her boot into another guard’s chest. He goes toppling down, pinned and prone, then turns to dust under her strike.

“Nadya, stay down!” Adrian shouts. It’s just enough distraction for the guard he’s holding back to wrench their bodies against a nearby cell wall. The old metal creaks and bends in protest.

He’s too weak to fight — he can barely stand. Nadya looks around for help but Jax is locked in combat with another vampire, his sword cast aside in the fray, and Mari is too far down the hall to staunch the flow of enemies.

There’s a glint out of the corner of her eye and Nadya catches sight of Jax’s sword peeking out of an empty cell. Straw clings to the blood on the blade but it’s right there.

“Okay,” she breathes, “you can do this.”

“Whatever you’re thinking of —” starts Lily…

“— do not dare!” Kamilah finishes for her. Nadya grits her teeth and yanks the bud out of her ear. She has enough self-doubt as it is and being told not to do something might just be what holds her back.

“You can do this. You can do this. Whatever it takes, right? Right! Go go go!”

Nadya propels herself out from behind safety just in time to see Adrian’s legs give out from underneath him after a punch to the gut. Blood trickles from his temple — the shallow cut too much to heal in his weakened state.

Quickly she fumbles, grabs the katana’s hilt and lifts the surprisingly heavy blade with all her might. “Oh my god oh my god ohmygodohmygod ohmygod OHMYGOD!” She screams the mantra like a battle cry and swings wildly — more dragged along by the weapon than in control of it — in the direction of Adrian’s assailant.

In retrospect squeezing her eyes shut probably isn’t the best idea. Doesn’t stop her. Just like the sudden resistance in her whirlwind of bladed fury doesn’t stop her from yanking as hard as she can — strength is one thing but this is one sharp freakin’ sword.

The resistance doesn’t last long but she’s on a roll. She’s speed, she’s fury; a legendary warrior for the ages. And with battle cry that deafens everything else around her.

“— adya—Nadya! NADYA!”

There’s panic in the voice calling her name and Nadya doesn’t get to stop and register it on her own. Instead feels a strong hand on her elbow and the sword wrenched from her grasp. Her battle cry almost turns into a shriek of terror.

“Nadya. Open your eyes.”

There’s gotta be some logic left rattling up there since she obeys. Even petrified Nadya wouldn’t listen to the bad guys when they told her what to do. But this isn’t a bad guy, its Adrian pulling her into his arms and keeping her from flailing herself to injury.

When she inhales something fills her lungs; makes her pull back choking. Behind her Adrian eases her through it with a hand on her back, his voice soft.

“It’s over now. Hey, hey see? Look around. It’s over.”

The ash of victory blackens Mari’s neon hair as she comes back their way. Jax, too, sweeps the remains of the Baron’s men from his leather jacket.

But Nadya’s still wired; adrenaline coursing through her veins. She’s dizzy, and buzzing, and wants to collapse for a year-long nap but could run a marathon in between.

“We don’t have long before more show up — and round two might not be just a bunch of N-P-Cs.”

“Espinoza’s right,” Jax sheathes his retrieved sword, “run now and talk later.”

Not that no one’s been saying it for the last god-knows-how-long but it’s enough for them to finally get their feet moving. The momentum from the fight blew out most of the torches but Nadya trusts the night-vision of her companions as Adrian pulls her along with a firm grasp.

She’s not sure about a lot in life but one thing she knows for certain is Adrian Raines would use the last of his strength if it meant keeping hold of her hand.

With one last look behind them Nadya trips over her feet. Stares at the floor caked with ash.

Adrian eases her back into running; casts Nadya a worried glance.

“What’s the matter?”

“Nothing — I…” She tries to wipe the ash from her cheek; smears it instead.

Because he’s Adrian he knows.

“You saved my life. That’s what you did — nothing else matters.”

I killed a vampire.

“You’re sure?”

He leads her up the stairs and into the freedom of the night.

“Damn sure.”

#bloodbound #kamilah sayeed #adrian raines #jax matsuo #kamilah x mc #bloodbound mc #mc: nadya al jamil #lily spencer #oc: maricruz espinoza #katherine nightbound #oc: cadence smith #oblv: bound by destiny #oblv: new chapter #; my fics

5 notes · View notes

neverendingwhyy · 5 years

Text

In this piece of writing I am going to try to recount my counselling session I had this morning, as I feel it was a pivotal moment in my therapy and journey to learning more about myself, my trauma and why I am the way I am. I am going to paraphrase in some areas but none of this will be exaggerated nor will anything be left out unless I feel it was completely irrelevant. So, here goes nothing…

I sat down in my usual spot in her therapy room, completely unexpecting of where today's session would lead. As per usual, I had not planned or thought about what I was going to talk about today, and just let the words flow spontaneously from my mouth. First I confessed my reluctance to go to work since I became pregnant, as well as having a severe back injury that my job makes so much worse.

This lead to me saying:

"I have another confession to make… I downloaded Tinder the other day."

My therapist - let's call her P for private - asked me to explain why I introduced this information as a confession.

"Well, over the past 10 years of my life, the absolute longest I have been able to stay consistently single is the better part of 2 months, yet throughout every relationship no matter how long, short, serious or casual it was, no matter how much I enjoyed or despised it, I longed to be alone. I had the desire to almost date myself in a way, like to learn who and what I really am when I am not half of someone else. Yet every time I finally get the opportunity to do so, I'm immediately, consciously or not, seeking a new connection; all the while preaching to myself and friends and family that I am not at all looking for a relationship. But no matter what, within weeks I am someone else's partner, sometimes reluctantly so due to my inability to turn people down, and sometimes willingly, telling myself this time things will be different. Despite this constant longing to be alone, this idea that I intrinsically despise affection, love, romance, being wanted, I always find myself behaving in a way that would portray anything but those desires or beliefs. I'll find myself back on a dating app in less than a week after becoming single, and my bio every time will state that "I don't know why I'm on here" even though subconsciously I probably knew very well what I was on there for (thought still unable to articulate it to this day, if there is a reason). A severe case of cognitive dissonance, and it annoys the shit out of me. About a week or two ago, I was watching a show and there was an intimate scene with cuddling and kissing. Now, most of my life, due to my personal experiences with... "sex", I have always hated those scenes in movies, always thinking the whole time "Oh just get on with the film already" but for the first time ever, I watched this scene and instead of being irritated by it, I found myself feeling jealous, realising I had a craving for the physical affection that was on the screen in front of me, someone to cuddle and kiss. So that night I downloaded Tinder, and Bumble."

P took this in and asked me:

"What is it about the part of you that wants the affection? Where do you think that part of you comes from? Does this part of you have a certain age?"

I replied, after thinking for a while:

"I guess it would be my seven-year-old self."

P: "Why do you think it is your 7-year-old self?"

Me: "I presume it's because that is the first time I experienced being somewhat sexualised, experiencing something that no 7-year-old should experience, and all I wanted after that experience was someone to hug me and tell me what had happened was not okay."

P: "Are there other behaviours in your life that you can attribute to this 7-year-old part of yourself? What are they?"

I paused:

Me: "I guess this is the part of me that would walk from home to town and back again completely alone, clubbing by myself and getting beyond wasted, and yet still being surprised and damaged when I was subsequently taken advantage of. This is the part of me that chooses to willingly walk home at 3am through the dark, secluded park rather than the open road with people to hear if something were to go wrong, naively telling myself that the decision to do so was to prove to myself I could fight should I need to. The part of me that is a total doormat, and accepts any type of attention from any type of person, even when I know full-well how bad the situation could turn in terms of my safety."

P: "How about you choose an object in the room to represent this part of yourself."

I looked around the room and saw the perfect object, a cute little teddy bear with outstretched arms, as if it were asking for a hug. P asked me to then find an object to represent the part of myself that wants nothing to do with relationships, to be self-sufficient and devote my emotions to me, myself and I, only. Scanning the room again, which is filled with cute little knick-knacks, ornaments, art, plants, teddies, I spotted a little china cat, sitting tall and proud, which I thought was perfect because to me a cat represents "I do not need you".

P asked me go over to the teddy and hold it, after placing the cat in the seat I was originally sat in.

She asked: "What does this part of you want from the part of you that wants to be alone, and self-sufficient? Try to use an "I" statement and ask for what you want, or need, from this other part of you."

I replied, after thinking for a while:

"I need guidance, I need to learn how to stop being so impulsive, to stop seeking gratification that I know is toxic or false. I need to learn delayed positive reinforcement, I need to learn how to say no when I want or need to, and I need to learn and implement these lessons fast so that I can pass them onto my child."

P: "Now come back to your original seat and put yourself in the shoes of your other self. You've just been asked for help from this little 7-year-old you. How do you respond?"

Me: "The first thought that comes to mind is to almost laugh and say 'You're a lost cause, there's no helping you'."

I then paused, knowing that this isn't the right way to feel about myself if I want to make any progress whatsoever. Something suddenly clicked inside my head, I genuinely felt the switch flick and I immediately gained a new perspective. All of a sudden, I looked over at this little teddy bear, and instead of seeing my little 7-year-old self, the child that I was so used to thinking so negatively of, I saw a child that was all of a sudden no longer me, but just an innocent little 7-year-old girl to whom I had no relation to whatsoever.

I said:

"Okay, something just switched in me and I don't hold that view anymore, I don't know if this is because I'm a mother-to-be, or for some other reason, but all of a sudden all I can see is an innocent little girl who doesn't know any better, a little girl I don't know, and I have the overwhelming urge to do absolutely whatever I can to help her feel better, treat herself better, and to not follow the path that I followed."

P: "What is it you would do for her?"

Me: "I would to sit her on my lap, should she be okay with that, and hug her and never let go. I would to tell her it's not her fault, that she was innocent and didn't deserve to go through the things she went through."

P: "Now If you think about it, what mother would allow her 7-year-old daughter to go on Tinder? What mother would allow her 7-year-old to walk into town at night all alone, through dark and secluded routes?"

This hit me hard, what she was telling me was: the parts of myself that would engage in these risky, self-sabotaging behaviours, were merely the acts of my 7-year-old self, who innocently just didn't know any better. My 7-year-old self who knew that she was on this earth to be used over and over again for others satisfaction and pleasure, because that was all she had been shown, through many experiences as she grew in physical age. That this little 7-year-old repeated those behaviours for years and years and years, not knowing that all along there was always the opportunity to change the path she lead and followed.

At this point I think P could tell that this was hitting me quite hard, she asked:

"How are you doing?"

I said: "Honestly this is really hard, I feel raw, like my skin has been peeled off and I am sat here fully exposed, and that if anything touches me it will burn like hell. But this is good, I feel good, this is absolutely necessary, and hard work is the only way I'm ever going to grow. I also feel the need to go home and write about this because this is huge for me in terms of gaining a new perspective, and moving closer to possibly being able to forgive myself for the life I've lead and to hopefully move the fuck on."

Sadly I don't remember much else of the session following this core segment, but I know none of it was as important as this experience. I really hope that if anyone reads this, that it may help them to realise, or at least be open to the chance that, other ways of viewing yourself and your decisions and mistakes do exist. That the way you have viewed yourself and put yourself down most of your life, doesn't have to be the only way you treat yourself forever. Now, this crazy experience only happened today, so of course I'm yet to put the learnings into actions, but the story itself is enough to at least get me thinking in a new light, which I am so grateful for the opportunity to do so. I have spent more of my life than I can remember, viewing myself as the biggest most useless waste of oxygen that there is, and sadly I would say I do still feel that way currently, however I can feel those thoughts and beliefs losing their power over me, and I can see a light for the first time in a very long time. There is hope for change in my behaviours, patterns, decisions, and I can't wait to explore the new opportunities and perspectives that this experience has opened up for me.

If you read all of this, thank you - and if you feel it was a total waste of your time, sorry lol

1 note · View note

fromtheringapron · 5 years

Text

WWE SummerSlam 2016

Date: August 21, 2016.

Location: The Barclay Center in Brooklyn, New York.

Attendance: 15,974

Commentary: Michael Cole, Byron Saxton, and Corey Graves (Raw). Mauro Renallo, John “Bradshaw” Layfield, and David Otunga (SmackDown).

Results:

Kickoff Match: The Usos (Jimmy and Jey), The Hype Bros (Mojo Rawley and Zack Ryder), and American Alpha (Chad Gable and Jason Jordan) defeated Breezango (Fandango and Tyler Breeze), The Ascension (Konnor and Viktor), and The Vaudevillains (Simon Gotch and Aiden English.

Kickoff Match: Sami Zayn and Neville defeated The Dudley Boyz (Bubba Ray and D-Von).

Kickoff Match, First in a Best of Seven Series: Sheamus defeated Cesaro.

1. Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens defeated Enzo Amore and Big Cass.

2. Raw Women’s Championship Match: Charlotte defeated Sasha Banks (champion) to win the title.

3. Intercontinental Championship Match: The Miz (champion) (with Maryse) defeated Apollo Crews.

4. AJ Styles defeated John Cena.

5. WWE Tag Team Championship Match: Luke Gallows and Karl Anderson defeated The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods) (champions) via disqualification.

6. WWE Championship Match: Dean Ambrose (champion) defeated Dolph Ziggler.

7. Nikki Bella, Natalya, and Alexa Bliss defeated Naomi, Carmella, and Becky Lynch.

8. WWE Universal Championship Match: Finn Balor defeated Seth Rollins to become the inaugural champion.

9. Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman) defeated Randy Orton via knockout.

My Review

SummerSlam 2016 is one long ass show. I’m aware that’s a bit of a redundant statement because, in the age of the WWE Network, every show is long and, more often than not, they’re also ass. However, the point still stands: this show is a whopping 4 hours and it’s not something you can digest in one sitting on a rewatch. For the record, I totally support making the SummerSlams and Survivor Series and so on seem just as big and important as WrestleMania. It’s fine by me for WWE’s Big 4 to feature absolutely stacked cards. Unfortunately, in modern WWE, this approach also results in the shows running out of gas midway through and some of the matches going on way longer than they should. The 2016 edition of the summer classic isn’t exactly the worst example of this trend, but it definitely shows similar signs of fatigue.

On top of that, it’s such a heel-dominated show. It’s only occasionally satisfying. In their crusade to make the audience finally embrace Roman Reigns, the WWE would pile on the heel victories in hopes the crowd would pop like crazy once the Big Dog got the W in the main event. It’s inherently flawed psychology to think the crowd is just going to accept a long-awaited face win from just anybody. That can really only work in a particular situation. Needless to say, it often failed because while Roman would get the W, the crowd still hated him. Worse here is that he doesn’t even wrestle on this show. So who was this booking supposed to benefit? I guess you could make the argument for Finn Balor, whose Universal title win remains a highlight of his WWE tenure. Even then, it was rendered irrelevant 24 hours later, as Balor would vacate the title due to injury.

With all that in mind, it shouldn’t be surprising that such a heel-heavy show ends on a rather depressing note. Brock Lesnar pummels Randy Orton into a bloody mess and that’s it. That’s the show. Fade to black. It would’ve been fine if placed somewhere in the middle of the card, but it’s such an awkward way to close up shop. They did have a pretty workable story going into the match, and I’m not gonna pass up the rare occasion to see Orton get beaten into oblivion, but talk about deflating. The whole thing winds up looking like a pale imitation of Lesnar’s squash of John Cena back at SummerSlam 2014. Oh, and there’s some drama with Shane McMahon at the end because, as we all know, that’s exactly what the WWE needs: more McMahon family drama!

The far more successful dream match is John Cena vs AJ Styles. Truly something special. It’s essentially the same finishing move and near-fall spam fest that plagues every major WWE main event, but I don’t mind it here. This is meant to be an epic blockbuster between two of the biggest stars in wrestling of the post-Monday Night War era. It makes perfect sense for both guys to throw all of their deadliest ammunition at each other right out of the gate. Styles was in the midst of one of the hottest stretches of his career at this point, but Cena deserves just as much credit here. It’s kind of amazing. For all the times he’s proven that he can rise to the occasion in a big match situation, there are still anti-Cena bros to this day who’ll deny it every step of the way. His record of putting people over isn’t perfect, especially at SummerSlam, but what he does for AJ here is pretty selfless. I don’t think even his haters can deny that.

Overall, SummerSlam 2016 isn’t a bad show by any means but, again, the length ensures it will inevitably start to drag. A shame, because there’s probably a pretty good show somewhere in here. It’s nice that the WWE is trying to make the biggest party of the summer feel important, but too much partying can make even the most diehard fan eventually feel pooped.

My Random Notes

I can only imagine what someone like Jon Stewart really thinks of WWE’s comedy. I mean, he’s probably had plenty of experience doing his best with bad material, but you’d have to think he had to grin and bear it here at several points.

In light of Sasha Banks’ recent spat with the company, I can really see why she’d be frustrated with her booking. Would it have killed them to have her hold the Women’s title for longer than a month? I know an injury is cited as the official reason she dropped the belt here, but it’s still the first of several instances of them yanking the rug out from under her.

Man, Enzo and Cass were so frickin’ over. They’re such laughing stocks now that it’s quickly become lost to time how much the fans were digging them. Of course, they only have themselves to blame for fucking it all up, but they really did have something special there for a bit.

Dean Ambrose in his black torn shirt gives me some serious Bobby Heenan singlet vibes.

Funny how the pre-match hype package for Dean vs. Dolph centers so much around who Dolph Ziggler is because, as I’ve stated here previously, I still have no frickin’ idea who Dolph is supposed to be. He’s some anonymous hybrid of HBK, Mr. Perfect, Billy Gunn, and an ‘80s Trapper Keeper with literally no individuality. I find it ironic that he later got into a storyline where he kept changing gimmicks only to never find anything of his own. What a summary of his entire WWE career.

Hey, Balor may have had to surrender the title 24 hours later, but at least this meant him getting another run with the belt in the future, right? Right?!?

Man, Nikki Bella was so frickin’ over. Why does it feel like I’m repeating myself? In all seriousness though, people can hate on the Bellas all they want, but in no way should it be surprising that they still get big pops. They’ve done more for WWE’s mainstream visibility than a lot of other superstars allegedly have.

Speaking of Nikki, crazy to think that she’s only one in the six-woman tag to not hold the Smackdown Women’s title.

I can’t be the only one who felt a little kick to gut when they showed fans waiting outside the now-deceased Toys R Us. I don’t need another reminder that my childhood is dead.

When did Lana drop the accent? I don’t watch Raw and Smackdown weekly anymore, but it horrifies me to know I let this travesty pass me by.

I know some people were upset they allowed The New Day to surpass Demolition’s record for the longest reign as tag champs but I’m totally okay with the decision. Sure, they occasionally get into terrible storylines like this ringpostitis shit, but they’re incredibly over, sell a ton of merchandise, and can wring out some entertainment from even the worst material. If they really wanted to insult Demolition, they should’ve given that honor to The Ascension.

#wwe summerslam #finn balor #sasha banks #roman reigns #total bellas

2 notes · View notes

angelstrenchcoat-67 · 6 years

Text

You and I

Pairing: Stanford!Sam x reader

Warnings: Swearing, mention of sexual abuse

Series Summary: It wasn't easy for Sam to decide he wanted to leave his hunting life behind, to leave Dean behind. But when he saw the Stanford acceptance letter, he knew he couldn't stay back. And he knew he wasn't going to be alone.

Beta'd by @winchestersandco

PART 5

"This is my favorite part" I clap my hands as I watch Harry dueling Draco.

"You've said that in every part of the movie" Sam chuckles, giving me a side eye.

"That's because it's a great movie" I roll my eyes as if it wasn't obvious. "That reminds me that I have to buy the DVD of the new one"

"Don't you have more important things to do? You know, like study?" He raises his eyebrow as he brings a bunch of popcorn to his mouth.

"Don't you have more important things to do other than being a dick?" I glare at him before focusing my attention back to the t.v.

It's been a couple of weeks since Sam and I made up and things have been great. I've learned to keep my distance whenever he is with Jess, more for my protection and he has learned to divide his time so we can hang out. Jess is out for the weekend, she is visiting her parents so I have Sam all to myself. Okay, I'm going to say that one more time so I don't sound as crazy. Sam and I will get to hang out more. There, better.

"How many times have you watched this?" He frowns, a small smile playing on his lips as he notices I am mouthing the words that the characters are saying.

"Uh, that's irrelevant, Sam" I huff, feeling attacked by Sam. "It's just really good"

”You're cute when you are focused on something you like" He laughs lightly before turning his eyes back to the TV. He keeps his eyes there, not noticing that I'm trying so hard not to hyperventilate.

Uh, he just called me cute. I mean, he has done that before, but it still gets me every time.

Hiding my face with my hair so that he cannot see my blush, I wrap the blanket tighter around me.

"Are you cold?" He asks me when he sees me with my blanket up to my neck.

"A little" I manage to speak, not looking back at him in case my cheeks try to betray me.

"C'mere" Before I can protest, Sam wraps his arms around me to pull me closer to him. His arm stays around my shoulders as I have my side pressed against his. "Better?"

I take a deep breath, feeling his scent reach my nose and his warmth wrapping me closer to him. "Yes," I sigh before placing my head over his chest.

It's obvious that I don't find the ability to bring my attention back to the movie as I hear Sam's heartbeat and his breath hitting my hair, constantly reminding me that he is there.

I don't know if he can hear my erratic heart as it beats in my chest, threatening to jump out and run out of here. He keeps his attention on the movie, completely clueless of all of the thoughts that are running through my head and the rush of my blood as it pumps through my body just because of his proximity.

Or I least I think he is clueless. I hope he is.

I don't realize how long have I been spacing out until Sam reaches for the remote control to turn the tv off. For some reason, my first instinct is to close my eyes before Sam looks down at me.

"Are you sleeping?" He asks so softly, I barely make out the words. I should just open my eyes but I just keep my eyes shut. "I'll take that as a yes"

I feel a sudden change in the temperature as he pulls away but before I can even register it, I feel one of his arms wrap under my legs and the other one under my back. He. Is. Carrying. Me. If it wasn't because I was supposed to be sleeping, I would probably squeal right now.

I rest my head in the crook of his neck as he walks up the stairs to get to my room. It's like 6:30 pm, that's no time to go to bed on a Friday night. But I am enjoying the moment way too much to stop him.

He somehow manages to open the door before kicking it slightly so that he can step in. He sets me on the bed before spreading the blanket over me.

I expect him to walk down to watch TV while I "sleep" but just a few seconds later, I feel the bed deep. I can feel his warmth again as he lays next to me which almost makes me open my eyes.

I can feel his brown gaze on me, it's almost too intense to not notice it. He shifts a little closer and then I feel his hand on my cheek, giving me the lightest of touch. He leaves it there for a few seconds before moving it to smooth down my hair.

If I didn't get an award for all the pretending I've been doing ever since I realized my feelings for Sam, I surely deserved it now. The amount of strength that I have to use to stop myself from reaching for his hand is too much.

Instead, I try to steady my breathing and pretend that it's a normal person who is currently playing with my hair. But my mind has other ideas because when I do manage to fall asleep, after all of the pretending, he is the main character of all of my dreams.

——

"Hey, wait up" Someone calls me as I walk out of the library.

I turn around to find Matt jogging towards me. I can tell he has been running because his shirt seems a little damp as it sticks to his very toned chest. "Oh, hi Matt"

"I was just doing my daily run" He smiles as he stands next to me, taking deep breaths. "How was your weekend?"

"It was really good" I grin, remembering all the time I had with Sam but I don't mention him. Matt knows I like someone, he doesn't know it's Sam. Actually, I don't think he knows who Sam is. "Yours?"

"Good, my sister came over to visit me" We start walking with no destination. "I don't get to see her that often so I was really happy I got to spend my weekend with her"

"That's nice" I give him a small smile, knowing how that feels. "I miss my brother all the time"

"Maybe he can come to visit you one day" Matt suggests and I nod, even though I know Dean is probably never going to do that. Not because he doesn't want to but because of John.

"Maybe" I add, staring at my shoes.

"Hey, I was wondering if you were free on Thursday? There is going to be like a movie drive-in" He looks down at me, bitting the edge of his lip. "I thought it would be fun to go, you know, in a friend way"

I try not to chuckle at how nervous Matt looks. "Sounds good"

"Great, I'll pick you up-"

Before Matt can finish, a police car speeds down in front of us before disappearing around the corner. A few seconds later, an ambulance takes the same route the police car just did.

I notice a couple of people running toward the corner both cars just turned in. Matt and I just look at each other before following the crowd.

When we turn the corner, the amount of people is pretty huge, as they all stand behind the yellow strip from the police. We try to push our way between the people to get as close as possible. I see the Science Department building as the police walk in and out as well as the paramedics.

"What happened?" I ask a guy who is watching the scene next to me.

"They found a dead body in the Science Lab" He explains to me as the police try to stop people from standing to close or stepping in the scene. "They are saying it belongs to a student"

"Who found him?" Matt asks as we watch as the paramedics push a bed out of the building. They are covering the body with a white sheet as they carry it to the ambulance.

"The group that was supposed to go in" The guy speaks again. "They said the scene was pretty gruesome. Blood everywhere"

"So, definitely a murder" I breathe out, feeling sorry for the victim.

"Oh, definitely" The guy turns around, giving me a worried look. "Whoever did it, they really put their dedication"

"Did anyone see anything? Someone walking out?" I ask again, my eyes on the ambulance.

"No, I think the first step is to identify the victim" He mutters. "His face was unrecognizable from all the scratching"

"Who would do that to someone?" I sigh, imagining what that poor guy must have gone through.

"Maybe he had it coming" A hoarse voice startles me so I turn around to see where it came from. A girl with a messy ponytail and clothes that look a little ragged and dirty follows the scene with her eyes before turning to me.

A chill runs through me when she stares into my eyes and Matt probably realized it because he then places a hand on my arm.

"C'mon, Y/N" He stares at the girl for a few seconds before pulling at me slightly. "It's getting late and there's a murderer on the loose. I'll walk you home"

We turn around but I look back at the girl but she is no longer there. People are starting to walk now so maybe she disappeared into the crowd.

——

I stare at myself in the mirror as I hold both dresses in my hands. The black one is more simple but the blue one is a little too short.

"Oh God" I grunt, walking towards my closet to look for another option. "Why is this so hard?"

"Y/N" I hear Sam's voice coming from the door so I pop my head out.

"Hey Sam" I smile at him but he just walks into my room and turns around to lock the door. "What's going on?"

"They found a student dead" Sam informs me but I just frown.

"Yeah, that was like two days ago" I walk over to him as he sits on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah, and they found another one today" He explains, clenching his jaw. "And this also seems to be a murder"

"Two students in a week" I gasp, feeling a little worried since I am used to sleeping with my windows opened.

"And it could be three soon" Sam adds so I turn around with a frown on my face. "The two guys that already died were friends, along with this guy"

Sam then opens a folder which I didn't even notice he had. He then pulls out a picture of a blonde guy and a couple more of the three guys together. "They all had a bit of an altercation last year when a girl accused them of sexually abusing her. After months of looking for evidence and investigation, the police never found anything so they were never punished, by the police nor the school"

Then Sam shows me the report the victim had filed and handed me a picture of the girl. I feel the air getting stuck in my throat and my hands go numb as I stare into the picture.

"I know her" I manage to speak out even though my voice sounds like it's breaking. "I saw her the day the first dead body appeared"

"Of course" Sam then pulls out a piece of a newspaper to show it to me "When I looked into this, I knew it was our kind of things. You just confirmed it. Y/N, she is dead. You saw her ghost"

And then I feel my blood freeze, goosebumps all over me. This isn't the first time I've seen a ghost, of course, but the feeling of knowing that I saw a dead person and that she talked to me isn't exactly nice.

"You know what that means right?" Sam mutters, closing the folder. "She is trying to get revenge and we have to stop her"

"Okay, first of all, do we really? I mean they raped her and they probably also killed her" I twist my mouth, knowing what Sam is going to say. "And second, we haven't been in a hunt for years now. What if this is more than what we can handle?"

"I know, they had it coming but you know that's not how we do things" Sam exhales, trying not to get caught up in the whole moral dilemma. "And of course we are going to be able to handle it, Y/N. It's probably just a salt and burn"

"Ugh, fine" I grunt, throwing myself into the bed. "We'll look for her grave tomorrow"

"She was cremated" Sam reads the copy of her autopsy as he holds it in his hands.

"Of course she was" I close my eyes, rubbing my temples with my fingertips. "We’ll look for possible objects she might be attached to and we'll go on a scavenger hunt tomorrow"

"Where are you going?" Sam asks when he notices all the clothing laying around the floor.

"I am going to a movie drive-in with Matt" I stand up to pick a few of the pieces from the floor.

"Y/N, we have to do this today" He stops me, grabbing my hand. "We don't know when she plans to attack again, we cannot wait a day"

"What's the worst that can happen? She kills the guy that raped and killed her?" I ask sarcastically but Sam tugs at my hand.

"You know-"

"That's not how we do things" I finish his sentence, rolling my eyes. "I already said yes to Matt, I can’t tell him 'Hey, sorry I can’t go, I have to look for a way to stop a vengeful spirit from killing a rapist' without sounding crazy"

"Just tell him you got sick or something" He suggests. "C'mon, I need you"

And just like that Sam has won me over, and next thing I know, I am reaching for my phone. It rings for a few seconds before Matt picks up. "Hey, I'm finishing my shift and then I'll go to my house and change before I pick you up"

"Matt, I am so sorry" I bite the side of my lip, looking quickly at Sam. Is he trying to hold back a smile? "I got the flue and I feel like a car ran me over so I need to rest. I am so sorry"

"Oh" I can hear the disappointment in his tone but he immediately recovers. "I really hope you get better. If you need anything, let me know"

"Thanks, Matt" I feel really guilty as I hang up the phone before turning to Sam. "Give me ten minutes to get into more comfortable clothes and we'll go"

————————————————————————

Hope you really like this because I had troube deciding what I wanted to do for this part!

General Tag List:

@waywardwboys @fallenangelsneverfade @randomstuff-idontwannatalkboutit @mypassionsarenysins @thesoundofme @franchisefan14 @hazzastyyless @i-hear-crazy-calling-my-name @caswinchester2000 @bitchfacesammy

You and I Tag List:

@sam-winchester168 @its-my-perky-nipples @volleyballer519 @yllwtaxi @babydaaz @aestheart @mannls @samwinchesterssexyface @colie87 @kimvtaeokay @miss-mooses-antics

#sam winchester x reader #sam x reader #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester fluff #sam winchester smut #sam smut #sam fluff #sam fanfiction #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction

106 notes · View notes

hanzi83 · 5 years

Text

Suspended from Twitter Again from Organized Harassment

The thought of catching up scares me and it keeps me going back to check what happens on reddit etc and then I fucking just don’t want to write even though I am acting irrational on twitter more than usual. I then start commenting on twitter more than focus on my personal journal and I am prompted with people trying to trigger me because they sense vulnerability in me, and I feel these people are employed to do this kind of behavior, as you can tell from my plethora of videos, blogs, tweets, instagram posts etc. I have angered so many people in this world, where there is a team dedicated to fucking with me and tarnishing my image, and instilling paranoia in me, and since the Stern Show, I feel is responsible, even though I cannot confirm 100 percent, they have dedicated an obscure subreddit dedicated to me claiming they are working to get me banned from twitter, and other social media outlets, hinting my family and friends are in connection with government agents, because I am technically on a watch list, or at least that is how I see it, and they have limited my movements and since I have angered people in my life with jabs because I feel a lot of them are in connection with people behind the scenes. I know it sounds crazy that this type or organization is going on for an individual, but there are teams dedicated to doing this to others. People in the system, mostly public figures, have been targeted, and some of them behind the scenes are organizing teams for employed fandom to take over the internet, depending if that person is supposed to be popping.

I have been pointing out this for the last several years how this is going down or at least putting theories, that have not been officially backed up specifically, but there are plenty of articles in prominent news and media outlets that have shown you what the capabilities are based off what has happened in the past, and because I am not partaking in sports tribalism, and people knowing it might bother me because this type of pretentiousness bothers me when people make these sporting events seem like some great moment for history, as we are currently becoming America light, and since a lot of this is predetermined and is supposed to propel this city into the upper echelon, I feel like people are blinded by this, and not focusing on the political shit involved with all of this. I am glad Toronto is in the championship, it is cool, despite me being irrational and wanting to hate it because people who love it have contributed into hurting me behind the scenes and stumping my growth, and have stolen everything from me.

I am not allowed to even express any of my irrational behavior to help me to cope because by letting me speak out, people see me as a threat because I bring transparency into the system, and even though the people in charge, hypothetically, have tarnished my image from being credible, and being seen as someone in his mom’s basement who spews out conspiracies and is obsessed with pro wrestling, and he doesn’t want to get laid because he feels he is not mentally capable to satisfy women, and also believing some of them could be agents, but they will label me an incel, when the people they work for in the upper echelon are the ones who treat women horribly and basically bribe them to give them good PR and then when they are allowed to disclose a horrible scenario involving one of those men, then they are seen as crazy. These people have been entitled, and hell they don’t put men or women on a big stage unless they had to compromise themselves physically and mentally. I point that out and I am seen as the bad guy, and now that people are still tuning into seeing me, even by suppressing the views, so people can watch it by other means, in a group setting, because a lot of people online are a part of groups that gossip how to fuck with people, because they are given incentive, the system has bribed these people with perks and access and makes their lives a lot more comfortable, when they can’t suppress my views they will actively cut short some of my periscope sessions. I will do 20 plus minutes and these people will somehow make it 4 minutes or something.

More Whack Packers are dying and the ones alive are dealing with harassment are prompted to kill themselves and being harassed with the worst type of shit imaginable, and threats of doxing and instilling fear that Howard is going to kill me or that Vince McMahon will kill me, because I speak out on horrible things they may be accountable for even though they will never take accountability and they are protected, and so are the people who are attached to them, and now I feel they have constantly being fucked with me because they want me to be put in a hospital or they want me to attempt suicide, and the movements and transparency in my life seems people who are supposed to be close to me help in that regard, and it is much more important to be connected to what everyone else is doing that is popular, and stick by the official narratives, they would do it at the expense as someone who is supposed to be their friend. Social Justice Warriors, who claim to stand up for injustice, and some of them put their money where their mouth is, but others are just there for the limited narrative and they act outraged when they are told to, so it looks like they are speaking out against racism, when they ignore the larger chunk that is going on systemically. I spoken out how other Whack Packers could be sacrificed for their fame or what they contributed to the system, and Tan Mom and Marfan Mike are hospitalized, and people capitalize on that conspiracy and hint that I am the next Whack Packer who will die.

I have one asshole who is clearly obsessed with every move and speech I make and talks about it nonstop and misrepresents it and if I don’t give this dude and his group of people the entertainment, and for me to take the barrage of harassment about where I am in my life and how everything I am saying is delusion, but then I analyze them and this person in particular about what his life must be like, because he has made grand announcements he was done watching anything I do on periscope, but then constantly does it and then hints that people are after me, and it is clear this person is bought off because I can’t imagine anyone being this obsessed with me for fun. He is obviously protected and he makes claims that people in my life had people look into him for harassing me, just to make it seem like he is dealing with some harassment to take the fact off that I am dealing with the real deal.

No one with a platform is allowed to speak, and even anything that I write, this particular agent just takes everything I say and misrepresents it as delusion grandeur when I am not the only one going through this and the ones that are, are too afraid to address it because it makes them look crazy and I am a bigger target because I was on of the biggest radio shows in the history of radio. I got active mob bosses in this system trying to silence me, and they know by suspending my social media, I will implode, and I know people in my life are probably hoping for that too since everyone fucking hates me.

I know when I write this blog, barely anyone will care because people are only invested when I am mentally breaking down and not being able to fucking handle any of the backlash and it becomes great entertainment for them to get to interact with a whack packer from the Stern Show because they are more invested in harassing me or harassing Wendy because it does not have to focus on their shitty lives so they attack people within the system, even wrestlers go through this targeted shit, but I don’t know if they realize they system they are emboldened to, are probably the ones organizing it since the people in charge exploit anything while pretending they care about these social issues and mental issues, while helping perpetuate the harassment, and when people like me speak out, and even as irrelevant I seem to be, I still anger a good chunk of them and they are constantly coming for me. and they will not stop until I am completely self destructive and kill myself, and the fact that people in my life could be helping with that just so they can have access to these institutions and all the industry sex workers they could ask for because they are that easily compromised, but they are doing it at my expense, when me being a public joke for the Stern Universe and the Wrestling Universe to get a hold of, they have profited off of it behind the scenes more than anyone and will never admit anything.

They will never stop and it is fine if 10 people read this, I hope that some people who do read this actually know what is going on and please let it be known that this is happening as no media outlet will fucking care about this, because they are told when they can start going after stories, even as truthful some of the leftist ones are, they have to be compromised a little bit, even with the conspiracies, you would think someone on the Stern Show would attract these people to see what I am thinking right, but even they are limited. Only when some vindication occurs, or if I implode and something horrible happens, then after the fact they will care, they will not see my growth and exposing the way the system has manipulated us into hating each other and being more racist, misogynistic, homophobic, and presented it as the cool thing to do because I bought into it for a good portion of my life, but these people who have the chance to do it, don’t because they would limit their discussion and not have nuance and pretend they are speaking out on something big and powerful, when it is merely just calling out one person in the system who said something racist, and people behind the scenes don’t care, it is meant for a limited narrative and because I am sick of the status quo, and have constantly spoken out on shit that I have to say are theories, because I can’t prove a lot of it, they still see me as a threat and will continue.

Normally I write down my thoughts privately but even that is not 100 percent private, it is constantly hacked and people move my cursor around when I spew some venom just to get it off my chest and since I have not written down anything it is getting difficult to know what is in my fucking mind. They will keep fucking with my mental health and it will never stop. I am clearly not high on anyone’s list to help out, even though I have taken on big wigs like Stern. I don’t care how irrelevant he seems to be to the culture, he has pull behind the scenes, even the negative he still controls I think, he can easily have it seen as the people who hate him are the republican Trump supporters, while also being a secret Trump supporting, but somehow on this endearment tour he is going out on, he has convinced people he has secret information about Trump not wanting to be the president, which would beg the question, why did he not say anything before the election? He is in bed with Trump, and he is protected as long as Trump is in power, but no one can see this and the ones who can, are not allowed to say anything. They have managed to censor me during the Raptors game, because it hurts people locally to know that I point out that this is all predetermined, and maybe it is my irrationality and insecurity that I did not connect with my city, and someone who has sold their souls have more respect in this city than someone like me, who did not want to partake in rituals that compromised another life, and then later on have a rabid fan base attack those people and make them seem crazy. Maybe with all my flaws, I still have a fucking soul and actually don’t want people to be discriminated against or oppressed.

People will sacrifice their own loved ones to be part of the upper echelon and it makes me not want to be part of this world, because as far as I am concerned I was never loved, all through my life they have made it known how they treat me, even back in high school or now because Stern has allowed them to be trolls in the system who can put me down because they resent me for being someone who blew up and I can see what their intention is, and when they got what they needed, they sold me out and exclude me from anything that does not benefit them because they secretly hate me. So why don’t you just end me, you won’t though, because I have been told I am needed here, I need to be mentally tortured and limited, as long as pretentious people in the system and in my life prosper and can control me. I don’t want any part of it. Let me die. Come on Howard, sacrifice me, like you supposedly sacrifice other Whack Packers, and then your sick fan base can claim “HE GAVE THEM FAME AND WITHOUT STERN THEY WOULDN’T BE KNOWN” while allowing a sick fan base to treat us like shit and then you make all the fucking profits. Fuck you.

Anything I have said I don’t have factual proof. I will never have it, and if I did they would certainly fucking kill me, and until then they are hoping they fucking I fucking kill myself because it would fit into their narrative better, maybe pat themselves on their back for feeling bad for this torture while they helped create it. They torture everyone in the fucking whack pack and no one cares. We are all lower than filth to these pretentious snobs. Fuck each and every one of you that have allowed this to happen. I hope you catch and become riddled with herpes from all the orgies you sold your souls for. I hope everything around you crumbles, and even if I will never become vindicated from any of this and continuously be mocked by an obsessive troll who is showing off the harassment he can do under the guise of “calling me out on my bullshit” since I did not embrace him, because these sick people want to be producers of mine for a podcast or be a co host, and I don’t want to be with anyone, because I think you are all government agents. Fuck each and every one of you for doing this to me. It makes no difference because you will be coddled within your group chats, where you sick fucks are taking bets on which whack packer is going to die next. Fuck you all.

#Hanzi Stern Howard Show Sternshow Zionist Illuminati WWE Vince McMahon trolls paid subservient shills racism sexism harassment misogyny #secrecy transparency assholes NBA raptors toronto tribalism irrational hatred associates friends loved ones #media outlets mainstream leftist right wing power limited narrative

4 notes · View notes