#is that buck is making this choice and keeping it a secret from the people who love him

[poughkeepsies]

To be honest I've seen some people complaining about a lack of buddie interactions in 6a but like, at this point in their lives? These bitches are together and interacting all the time and we know it. Something 6a has been doing (and I don't know if this has an intentional deeper meaning or its just one of those things that just is, that makes the 9-1-1 universe so rich beyond what we see in those 45-minute episodes every week) is implying at buddie's and the Buckley Diaz family's closeness without actually showing it - other than the kitchen scene in 601, which seemed almost expositional in its placement within the premier, like it was the writers yelling "this is what you need to know about where Buck and the Diaz' are at as we start our season!" It was such an ordinary, light scene too, but it had an underlying heaviness to it like the writers were ordering the audience to read between the lines and understand exactly what that familiarity was telling them.

And that was the one big buddie scene we've gotten, sure, but they've somehow managed to show that that's not because of a growing distance between them, the way it very deliberately was in 5a, and more just because for one, this is an ensemble show and the other characters, especially Hen, have their own pretty important storylines going on, but also because at this point in their storylines, Buck and Eddie can't be interacting about the important stuff because this lack of communication is a set-up for later when Buck's decision and Eddie's reaction to it is revealed.

For now, though, we've gotten Eddie and Chim trying to comfort Buck and Hen in 602, Eddie clearly expecting Buck to have insight into Christopher's life that even he doesn't have in 604, buddie at some point planning to go over to fix the victim's house together and then actually doing it (without the involvement of the other mains and - minus the extras there for show - as a BuckandEddie only event) in 605, the hoover hand-off and Eddie convincing Buck to take him despite not being allowed a dog in his loft happening off-screen also in 605, and Buck and Eddie crowded together in the waiting room waiting for news of Karen and Eddie reassuring Buck that she's gonna be okay in 606. There have been no shortage of reminders that after 5b, buddie have settled into their closeness and they're living in each other's pockets as they've ever been. That's 5/6 episodes with on-screen and/or implied buddie interactions this season and the one other episode is literally a bottle episode set in Florida. Eat your heart out.

Everyone wants their favorite characters and ship to be interacting on screen all the time but with a show like 9-1-1 that knows how to truly appreciate its ensemble and give equal love and attention to all of its characters, it would be a disservice to them and to buddie to act like just because they're being given the spotlight and airtime for a bit that it means a lack of closeness on buddie's part.

[lonelychicago]

I've been listening to the prophecy by taylor and i have thoughts, so bare with me on this one.

some people might look at this thing like a superpower, like something cool to trick people with or scare the shit out of them.

tommy thinks of it more as a curse than anything else. a punishment from above— maybe he's done awful, terrible things in some pasts lives and now he's paying the consequences.

truth is, he doesn't know. he can guess, can try to feel his way through the dark like a lost, blind man, but he's probably never gonna know why he is the way he is, why he can see the things he sees.

it started around the time he was nine, he thinks. when he went to hug her grandma, and suddenly he had this vision— like a short movie playing in his head, of how his grandma would die.

tommy hugged her and then there it was in his mind, he could hear her heartbeat and saw her laying in bed, so calm and at peace in her sleep, when her heart slowly stops.

tommy remembers crying out, screaming, pulling away from her in fear, much to the confusion of everyone in his family. his grandma was okay! she was right there! no one believed him when he told them what he saw, what he felt.

(nana june died that very night, in her sleep. just like tommy predicted.)

tommy realized pretty quickly that this was not something he could share with anyone else. not when he ran into his teacher at the grocery store three weeks later and saw how the woman would die in a tragic car crash in just a couple of weeks. not when he kissed a boy for the very first time when he was sixteen and saw he would die from a freak accident at a football game, of all places— a fatal hit to the head would be the end of a life cut too short.

his life became a swirl of death and fear and loneliness.

he pulled away from everyone. what was the point anyway? if he knew the end of their stories? why get atta hed, get close, when he knew the specific details of their deaths and would have to bare that weight on his shoukders all on his own?

(he made the mistake once of falling in love when he was in college. with matthew— a guy who would die of old age, at ninety-five years old. at home, holding the hand of his husband... that was definitely noy tommy.

it was okay. he figured he could have some fun and enjoy whatever time he could. but it only earned him a broken heart and matthew calling him a freak when tommy explained why he couldn't say i love you to him, why he couldn't truly commit.

he has trusted matthew with his deepest secret, with this curse that tommy has no other choice but to live with it. and it ended up in tears and half the campus thinking he was a psycho.)

since then, tommy vowed to never make that mistake again. to keep his distance with people.

and he's been successful, for the most part. he has some friends, of course, but he doesn't let his relationships get too deep, keeping everyone at arm's length.

it's for the best, really.

and he's... not happy, but content. maybe. comfortable.

until evan buckley comes crashing into his life, figuratively and literally speaking.

the guy is— adorable.

tommy has no other word to describe him.

evan is energetic and enthusiastic, passionate about every single thing he says and does. he's reckless and loud and everything's tommy has soent a lifetime running away from.

when buck touches him for the first time, it sends electricity to every one of his nerves. it's intoxicating and amazing and warm, and tommy never wants it to end.

then, the curse kicks in. a little later than usual— as if mocking tommy, almost. teasing him with a tiny taste of what normal looks like and then reminding him he can never have it, not for real.

the first time buck touches him, it's at chimney's wedding— he's drunk and sweaty, cheeks pink and flushed and a boyish smile plastered on his face. he practically draps himself next to tommy's side, leans all his weight against him as he hums the lyrics of the song plahing in the background out of tune.

it's fun and heavenly for a couple of seconds, until tommy gets the vision.

buck in a month, maybe a month and a half. hanging from the firetruck ladder as the sky falls around him, lightning striking him right in the chest and making his heart stop.

[spidermans-l-o-v-e-r]

Orange Blossoms

Pairing: Buck x reader

Word count: 5.4k

Notes: Editing is the biggest pain in the entire world why do I do this to myself anyway I'm on my laptop now, gee I NEVER use this thing

Episode 5: Secret Plans and Clever Tricks

"I can't believe you talked me into this" May huffs as Buck awkwardly climbs through the window. He lands in a little heap on the floor and she rolls her eyes. 

"I'm sorry alright! Bobby would kill me if he found out I was dating his niece"

"When are you telling him by the way?" She asks, offering him her lint roller from her desk. He picks himself up off the floor and takes it, rolling himself off

"Never!" He smiles widely and she snickers at him 

"You guys can't keep hiding forever" 

The bedroom door opens and he dives behind her bed, crawling under it. You walk in, tossing your coat onto your bed 

"Is he here yet? I got home as fast as I could"

"Were you speeding?? I told you to take your time" Bucks head pops out from under the bed and you shriek, nearly launching yourself into space 

"What are you doing under there?!" 

"Why didn't you knock!"

"It's my room???" You gesture around to your shared room with May as he crawls out from under the bed 

"Yeah. Sure" he scoffs "Your room" he makes little air quotes around "room" and you roll your eyes at him 

"Just shut up and kiss me" 

"With pleasure" he puts his hands on your hips, pulling you against him, and kisses you, growling while you squeal and giggle 

"Ohhh I missed you" He groans softly as he peppers little kisses all over your face "I missed my pretty, pretty, little doll"

"You know for two people who aren't dating yet, you sure are heavy on the PDA" May scoffs and grabs her hoodie to go out 

"You're dead wrong if you think I'm gonna pass up absolutely any chance I get to kiss her. Besides four more dates and she's mine" 

He picks you up and you squeak, wrapping your arms and legs around his neck and clinging to him 

"Lock the door on your way out?" He bats his eyelashes at May and she rolls her eyes, shaking her head. 

"I swear to god y'all better keep it to your side of the room or I'm rioting"

"I promise!" You giggle as Buck flops in your bed 

"I don't!" He rolls you guys over, smothering you into the covers and you laugh, trying to push him off but he just hums happily, squishing you more

"Buck don't get caught" May warns him before she leaves, locking the door behind her 

"How did you even arrange this?" You ask as he rolls off of you but pulls you into his arms, against his chest

"I stole May's number from Eddie's phone and texted her and begged her to help me out. I'm not above begging okay" 

You laugh into your pillows and turn on your back so you can look at him, he smiles down at you, propping himself up on his elbow 

"What did she say," you ask, looking up at him and he bends down, kissing your nose 

"She told me I owed her five uses of my Jeep whenever she wanted unless it's like a no-choice circumstance and I couldn't lend it to her. It's a sweet car, I get it" 

"You love that jeep" you gasp and he blushes, looking up at the ceiling 

"Eh, not as much as I love you" 

Your mouth drops open and he looks back down at you, his heart stopping in his chest. 

"I- I mean like- shit I mean like hanging out with you! I don't. I don't love you! That would be weird!" 

You nod along with his rambling, watching his cheeks flush as he tries to backtrack 

"Psh yeah, yeah no love from me" 

"You want me to believe you?" 

"It would be nice if you did," He says sheepishly, smoothing his hand over your hair 

"Yeah okay sure" 

"Okay good, Eddie would kill me if he knew I said that" 

"Why would he kill you?" You ask curiously, enjoying the way his fingers rub smooth circles on your head 

"He says I'm not a Disney Princess" 

"Well that's just not true" you joke and he throws his hand in the air

"That's exactly what I told him!!! If anyone here is a Disney Princess it's me" He sighs, slightly irritated at Eddie as he goes back to messing with your hair, you snort and curl up into his chest more 

"Whatever you say, Princess Buck" 

There's not much you can do together right now, he really just wanted to come over to hang out. He can't exactly just invite you over by yourself, he'd have to lie and say Eddie was there too, and then he'd have to deal with Bobby saying you couldn't be alone with two boys and then you'd have to talk about how you're an adult and-

"Hello? Buck?" You wave your hand in front of his face and he blinks 

"Huh?"

"I said do you want a snack or something? I have some stuff. What were you thinking about?" 

"Do you want to come over to my house tomorrow?" He reaches over you, grabs the plastic bag from the floor and starts going through it. He doesn't care actually, he'll really just invite Eddie too. Eddie doesn't mind being a third-wheel 

"Just me and you?" You ask grabbing an Arizona fruit punch from the bag 

"Do you want it to just be me and you?" Or maybe he won't invite Eddie. 

"Kinda" you blush and he smiles a little, opening the bag of hot Cheetos 

"Okay…" 

Buck is doing a horrible job of keeping quiet in your bedroom, Athena can hear his giggles as she walks by the room and you shushing him. She's not sure when he got in the house; she just knows he's there.

She'll allow it, for now. It's kind of cute if anything… but you're definitely getting a safe sex talk when she gets the chance. 

"So…. Do they make it to Shell City?" Buck asks as you take his other hand and start filing his nails 

"You just have to watch!!!" You scold him for the fourth time. Neither of you knew what to watch and so you just turned on the old SpongeBob Movie from 2004, Buck had never seen it and you were flabbergasted. He was totally poking through your stuff when he found your box of nail polish, he looked at you coyly and you smirked at him, reaching out for the box 

"Any specific color?" You asked as you set things up 

"Anything you want, I want to match my boo" he teases you as he sits criss cross on your bed. 

"We should go out for lunch" You mumble as you paint little flowers on his nails, he watches you, enjoying the way your tongue pokes out of the corner of your mouth in concentration. You squint as you add a little dot of yellow in the middle, your hands are so steady and he's impressed 

"I have to fall out of the window, but sure! Sounds good to me, where do you want to go?" 

You giggle as you blow on his nails "Anywhere you want…. Maybe we could pick something up and go drive somewhere to eat it?….kinda like a date"

You try to be as nonchalant as possible with it but he's already practically bouncing off the bed 

"As in one of the four dates?!" He's almost shouting. You slap your hands over his mouth and nod quickly 

"Shut up! Athena is home!" You climb into his lap, still holding your hands over his mouth 

"Yes. As in one of the four dates… I would really really like that" 

His hands settle on your hips, and he splays his fingers carefully to not smudge his nails. You put your hands on his shoulders and he leans in immediately, capturing your lips and kissing your breathless 

"I'm ready whenever you are… But uh- I kinda forgot" 

"Forgot what?" You say, your eyes partially lidded, still reeling from his kiss 

"May took my Jeep" 

"I can drive us!" You're excited now as you pull away from him and get out of bed. He watches you grab a pair of shorts and pull them up your thighs, jumping a little to get them over your ass. He whimpers at the sight and you turn to him, narrowing your eyes 

"Simp" you tease and he gets up from the bed, rolling his eyes 

"Wholeheartedly. I am in no way shape or form ever going to deny that when it comes to you. Do I get to wear the white kitty helmet?" He's getting his stuff ready to climb out of the window 

"You sure do" You walk over to the window with him, and he puts one leg out and turns back to you 

"C'mere" He trails his finger down your cheek and hooks it under your chin, pulling you to him and kissing you. It leaves you a little breathless and he smiles haughtily 

"See you outside Princess"

You connect the two helmets and hand one to Buck as he climbs on the back of your motorcycle. He puts it over his head and knocks gently against yours 

"All set" 

He has no problem being on the back of your bike. In fact, he's overjoyed to be behind you, you can feel his hands slide over your sides, feeling you up before he wraps his arms securely around your waist 

"Happy?" Your voice surrounds him in the helmet and he practically purrs as he settles against you more, hanging on like a little koala 

"Oh you're driving us everywhere from now on" he sighs happily and you giggle, purposely sending your hips back a bit more than necessary, you hear him groan as you kick off the stand and take off. 

He's enjoying himself immensely on the back of your bike, the playlist he made you plays through the speakers of your helmets as you weave in and out of traffic on the highway. Bobby would kill him and he thinks you're gonna kill him too when he leans back slightly letting the air flow over his body, he holds out his arms like he's flying and you giggle, speeding up for him.

"You're gonna get yourself killed," You say and he chuckles, putting his hands back on your hips and squeezing them 

"What's the point of living if you're not gonna do something stupid every once in a while?" 

"Stupid huh? Get ready Jack" 

You put your arms out like he had and he laughs, holding your waist as you drive straight down the highway 

"This is really dangerous!" He yells out and you giggle wildly

"I thought you liked dangerous!" You taunt him and he wraps his arms tightly around you, holding you down so you don't go flying off the bike. You look pretty like that, he thinks he likes this best. When you seem carefree and wild, you make him feel infinite. 

Pulling into the McDonald's parking lot you just decide to eat there since you've only got the bike, and you promise that it still counts as one of your dates as long as you go to Target afterward 

 "Um… Can I drive to Target?" Buck asks sheepishly as he sets the tray down on the table. You slide it towards you set his stuff down for him and go to open your nuggets

"Course you can, you can even drive us home if you want" 

"Seriously? You're not kidding" Buck watches you stuff a fry in your mouth and you smile a little before swallowing 

"Why would I be lying? I know you can drive one! Athena mentioned it when I first got here… she said we might have some stuff in common" You dip your nugget into the barbecue sauce and bring it to your face, inspecting before you eat it

"I was pretty eager to meet you" 

"Really? You were?" He opens his cheeseburger and takes a bite, his eyes rolling back for a second before he goes to sip his Coke

"Uh huh" Your cheeks flush a little as you admit it to him 

"What are you two doing here?" 

Buck chokes on his drink and Bobby pats his back, your eyes are as wide as saucers as you pull out your phone frantically sending an SOS to Eddie. You silently pray he's not busy 

"Uh we are-" He coughs a little, clearing his throat "We're just eating lunch" 

"Together?" Bobby asks, and you can already feel him entering dad mode 

"No! No of course not" You scoff, taking another nugget and gesturing with it 

"We're waiting for Eddie. You know us, a...trio"

"We're the dynamic duo but not!" Buck beams up at him and Bobby narrows his eyes skeptically 

"Why isn't Eddie here now?" 

"I've only got room on my bike for two?" You shrug awkwardly, it sounds more like a question than an explanation. 

"Guess that makes sense…" He shrugs back and you and Buck look at each other for a moment, you check your phone again, pretending to just look at the time, but there's a text from Eddie 

Cakes: Be there in 5

You lift your phone, gesturing with it "He's uh- he's almost here. Why don't you go order his food now Buck? You know since we wanted it to stay hot and all?"

Buck has the dumbest look on his face for a second and you blink rapidly at him 

"Oh! Oh duh! Oh yeah!" He trips over his feet getting up and stumbles into Bobby 

"Sorry" he pats his shoulder awkwardly before going back up to the counter and you cringe a little 

"You've been hanging out with them a lot lately" Bobby sits down and shifts Buck's food over a bit, folding his hands in front of him on the table 

"I mean yeah… they're like my only friends here" 

"What about Hen? Or May? Are you two getting along?"

You sigh and push your food away "Yes, we're getting along just fine… and Hen has a wife Bobby I'm sure she wants to be with her on her days off"

"It wouldn't hurt to have a girl's night, maybe I can have Athena set something up"

"I don't even know them like that" You roll your eyes and he raises an eyebrow 

"Well, this will be the perfect way for you to get to know them like that. I just want you to have more friends Y/N… honestly. I want you to have a support network"

"You mean more friends and a support network that aren't two attractive, single, grown men"

"That too! Wait, you think they're attractive?" 

You look up to see Eddie rushing in and Buck pointing over to your table, his mouth drops wide open and you cover your eyes with your hands 

"I'm gonna be so real with you Uncle Bobby, you're totally embarrassing me right now" You let your head fall on the table and groan loudly as the guys walk over with Eddie's food. Buck slides in next to you and Bobby scoots over for Eddie 

"Sorry, I'm late guys! I left the house later than I wanted" 

Bobby passes Buck his food and the four of you eat together, the three of them are having a great time, talking and laughing while you're sitting quietly in the corner, just poking your fry in ketchup

Bobby is scolding Eddie saying something inappropriate when you feel Buck's hand on your thigh, you look over at him and he looks down at you, taking your hand in his, he nudges you with his arm a little and you smile, nudging him back 

It's cute and Buck's heart skips a beat, with the way you look up at him, he leans in a little wanting to kiss your nose when suddenly he yelps and pulls away from you 

"Are you okay?" Bobby looks up at Buck and he smiles innocently, his eyes wide and crazy as he stares at Eddie 

"Yup! I'm great! Just wonderful and peachy" he reaches down and rubs his shin, and you snicker

"So what are you guys doing next?" Bobby asks, crushing up his wrapping and throwing it on the tray 

"Target!!" You say excitedly while Eddie stares back at Buck, they're clearly talking 

"Alright, you kids have fun, and get there safely alright? I'll see you at home later" Bobby gets up from the table and ruffles your hair and you push his hand away. You all say goodbye as he finally leaves. Buck leans over you, watching him leave, as soon as he's out of sight, Buck pulls you towards him and kisses you. He pushes you back against the wall and you gasp, surprised by his forwardness before melting into him and wrapping your arms around his neck. Buck gestures to Eddie to keep watch in case he comes back 

"You guys owe me. I had plans!" He groans as he looks out the window  

"You mean sitting on the couch in your underwear all day eating snacks and watching TV?" 

Buck asks as peppers little kisses all over your face like he likes to do and you giggle 

"Exactly. Now I have to trail behind you two in Target and watch you be gross"

"I promise we won't be gross! I'm sorry… I didn't expect him to show up like that…" 

Buck hugs you to him and Eddie sighs, looking at you both, his head in his hands and you kind of feel bad now. You push Buck away a little and he whines 

"Oh come on, we can't let Eddie feel left out! He's our boyfriend!" 

Buck looks at Eddie and frowns, He gets up from the table and goes to Eddie's side, hugging him as tight as he can. Eddie wheezes and slaps at his arms 

"Quit it!"

"No! I forgot the most important rule Bros before hoes!!" 

You flick some of the condensation on your cup at Buck and Eddie chuckles 

"Gee, thanks Buck" 

"Can we please go now? Or does the ho not get to make decisions" you ask sarcastically as you get up from the table and Buck giggles, taking your hand in his 

"The ho can make decisions" 

Buck drives your motorcycle to Target… alone. While you and Eddie trail behind him purposely honking at him and driving way too close to him on the way over. He flips you both off multiple times and you blare the horn when he drives with no hands, it's obnoxious but hilarious to the three of you. 

"You didn't have to include me. I was just kidding around" Eddie says as he turns down the radio on the playlist Buck made.

"You're my friend Eddie, and Buck's best friend. We can chill when we're with you, it's messed up not to. Besides! I like hanging out with you!"

"Don't let Buck hear you say that" He chuckles as he pulls into a parking space and parks the car. You lean over and kiss his cheek, and he smiles and kisses yours back. Suddenly the door opens and you squeak 

"See! This is why I don't leave you two alone together!! You make out without me!!" 

"We're not making out" Eddie snorts as he gets out of the car, locking the doors. You and Buck come around the car and you're on his back, holding onto his neck

"When did you do that," Eddie asks as he stares and Buck shrugs walking next to him and bouncing you along 

"Oh you know when you weren't paying attention" 

Buck dumps you into a cart as soon as you get inside and takes Eddie's shoulders, putting him in front of the cart to push it. He rolls his eyes but pushes you around anyway. You both drag Eddie to the toy aisle where you guys go wild and he's suddenly very glad you're in the cart. You grab a hockey stick and start to roll yourself away from him and he takes the stick from you putting it on a shelf 

"Yeah no absolutely not," He says as he pushes you to the next aisle. He's looking at a Captain America's Shield Lego set when Buck slips the hockey stick back into your cart. He winks as he stuffs his hands in his pockets, whistling as he walks away 

"You think I should just go for it?… Y/N? Buck??" 

Eddie whirls around as you're using the stick to push you along as fast as you can 

"Oh my god are you five?!" 

Eddie finally reigns you both in, Making Buck keep one hand on the cart at all times and your hands in your lap, holding his Lego set and one for you and Buck each. You're both snickering and making jokes about him being such a dad 

"If you two are gonna act like kids I'm gonna treat you like kids. And if you keep messing around I'll spank you"

"Is that a promise?" You look back at him, making sweet doe eyes 

"Ayooooo" Buck yells, high-fiving you and Eddie pushes you away, letting you crash into one of the aisles. 

You all end up at Eddie's house, sitting at his kitchen table with a bunch of mismatched bowls, holding your Lego pieces 

"This is the coolest date I've ever been on," Buck says as he gnaws on a brick to pull it apart 

"You know you could just use this?" You say, holding up the little orange tool 

"That's for losers" 

"At least us losers still have all our teeth…" Eddie mumbles as he squints, focusing on putting two tiny little pieces together "Is this really still a date? I mean… I'm here with you" 

"I mean I didn't necessarily say who the date was with…" Buck wriggles his eyebrows and winks at Eddie

"Yup, just two boyfriends and their side piece," You say, grabbing a pink piece from your little bowl 

"Exactly! You see why I lo- Like her" He corrects himself quickly, making a little commotion with his pieces. Eddie glares at him for a second but goes back to work anyway, ignoring his little slip-up. The three of you work almost silently for a couple hours before Buck starts to get antsy 

"Hey uh…Y/N?" Buck breaks you from your concentration and you look up 

"What's up?" 

"This- this isn't like lame is it? I know it wasn't exactly our plans but like I just… are you having a good time? Because I'm having a good time… and like I just- I kinda wanna make sure we're on the same page" He looks so nervous when he asks you, stopping what he's doing to study your face 

"I'm gonna go order Chipotle, text me your orders," Eddie says, pushing away from the table and getting up to stretch. He wanders into the living room and flops on the couch lying down so he can't see you two 

You get up now, making Buck scoot his chair back so you can stand between his legs 

"I'm having a really good time" you reassure him, putting your arms around his neck, his hands slide up the backs of your thighs, pulling you closer to him 

"You mean it?" He asks, looking up at you as you run your fingers through his hair, tugging on it a little 

"Of course I mean it! I like hanging out with you and being around you Buck, even if things aren't exactly as planned it's really nice to just be with the person you… want to be with" 

He hums softly, leaning into your hands as you massage his head messing up his hair. 

"Are you okay with this being one of our dates?" You ask him and he nods enthusiastically 

"Of course I am! You're right, even if Eddie is totally crashing it-"

"Hey!!"

"It's nice to just be around you" 

He pulls you closer, parting your legs so you sit in his lap. He stands up, holding your ass and kissing you passionately. You feel his tongue swipe over your lips and you gasp, letting him slip it right into your mouth. He carries you into the living room, snapping at Eddie 

"I'm gone" He puts his hands up as he scoots out of the living room and down to his bedroom. Buck gets on the couch, laying back so you're on top of him 

"We shoulda taken the bedroom" He chuckles as you straddle him and smirk 

"Yeah because Eddie would let that happen" You sass him and he holds your hips, rubbing soft circles on them before you lean down, your lips connecting with his.

The doorbell rings and you squeak, nearly falling off his lap. He whines when you pull away and you swat at his chest 

"Oh quit it" You pant softly, as he reaches up and brushes your hair out of your face 

"But I need you" 

And he knows exactly what he's doing when he says it like that, all pathetic and pouty… his eyes wide and watery like he just can't go on unless you go back to kissing him 

"I-I" You're speechless as he slides his hands up your sides and under your shirt 

"Wanna know what it feels like for your nails to dig into me babydoll" 

"Is he doing his lil bitch voice again?" Eddie asks as he walks past the couch, and you nearly fall off of Buck laughing. His mouth drops wide open and he sits up, holding your hips so you don't fall off 

"You did not just call it that!" He yells at Eddie who's grabbing the Chipotle from the ground 

"Are you gonna tell me I'm wrong?!" He yells back 

"Okay, but she loves it!" Buck launches a throw pillow at him and Eddie yelps, dodging it

"I didn't say she didn't!! Did I say you didn't?!"

"No??" You say, as Buck sets you on the couch and stumbles over his feet, before chasing after Eddie. Eddie tosses the bag at you and you catch it while he goes running off, both men yelling at each other. 

As you're setting the bowls out on the kitchen counter you hear a loud crash and Buck and Eddie screaming 

"Uhhh??? What was that!?" You yell down the hallway 

"Nothing!!" They shout back in unison 

You give Buck a ride back to your place where his Jeep is waiting, he gets in and you duck inside, pulling him to you, and kiss him

"Can I…" He starts, holding your hand in his "You think I could go park down the street somewhere and sneak back up here?"

"You want to stay for a bit?" You ask curiously, your cheeks flushed "I think I can sneak you in through the back…" 

"Please? That sounds nice…" He kisses your forehead "I just… I want to be with you just a little longer.. please..?" His voice is soft and hesitant like he's a little worried about even suggesting it 

You smile at him, nodding and stepping back "Hurry up and go find somewhere to park, I'll be waiting for you"

"Yeah okay, anything for you Doll" 

Buck looks ridiculous as he sneaks back to the house, if he was walking like a normal freaking person he would look 10 times less suspicious. But it's Buck, he can't do anything the simple way. 

You're leaning against the doors, watching him sneak through the yard like a complete idiot and it's hilarious. You open the glass door and he has to fight everything in him not to pull you in and kiss you. He slips off his shoes and picks them up so he doesn't make any noise 

"Come on you weirdo" You roll your eyes as he grabs your hips and walks you back to your bedroom. You sneak in, sliding into your bed, and watch him kick off his pants and crawl into bed with you 

"Why would you do that!" You scold him "I'm already barely wearing anything"

"That's exactly why I did that" He purrs in your ear as he rolls over onto you.

Honestly, Athena let the first time slide. It was daytime, and that was fine. She sits at the kitchen table, slowly stirring her tea. Because Buck is going to leave the exact same way you snuck him in, through the large glass patio doors. She listens to his soft footsteps as he pads down the stairs without his shoes on. She hears the whispers and your giggles as he kisses you goodbye and she hears him avoid the creaky floorboard. 

He's sneaking right past the table when Athena clinks her spoon against her cup once. He cringes slowly as he turns on his heel towards the table 

"Hi Mom" 

She nods towards the seat next to her and he stomps over, huffing and pouting 

"Pick your feet up"

He straightens up, dropping into the chair next to her. She pushes a cup to him and the sugar and he smiles a little, making himself a cup 

"What are you doing here?" 

"Oh you know… just uh… hangin out" He sheepishly stirs his tea, avoiding looking up. She stares at him, bringing her cup to her mouth 

"At two in the morning?" 

He holds his cup in both hands, staring down at the swirling sugar, and sighs 

"Y/N let me in… it wasn't her fault! I begged her to. I just- I just wanted to spend a little more time with her…" 

"At two in the morning?" She repeats herself

"I know I shouldn't have… I'm sorry. Just- please don't tell Bobby. He's gonna kill me, he's so protective of her and he has every right to be!! I am too" 

"I'm not gonna tell him, it's not my place. But you will not be sneaking into my house at two in the morning anymore, do you understand me?" 

"Yes ma'am" He blushes, sipping his tea 

"And you two will be practicing safe sex" 

"Oh my god" Buck chokes on his tea, his face turning a lovely shade of crimson. 

"We- no- no, no we're not- No we're not even having sex right now" he's stumbling over his words, trying so hard to not die of embarrassment because he knows she can easily get rid of his body 

"Evan Buckley, I was not born yesterday. You sneak into her bedroom and you think I don't know what's happening?" 

"No, I swear, I swear we haven't done anything. And we- okay we're not even technically together yet! She said three more dates and then she'll be my girlfriend and I absolutely do not plan on having sex with her before then. Not to mention May is in there too!! She's literally right across the room!" 

"And you haven't been back to your place?" She asks calmly, watching him practically burn up in his seat 

"No!! Not once!… a-actually uh…actually we're going to my place tomorrow. Just to hang out, I promise. Eddie might come over too. I'm not sure yet, he might be busy."

"Look, things happen, Buck, you're a very attractive young man-"

"Oh my god" 

"And she's a very attractive young lady-"

"Are you wearing your gun by any chance?" 

"And things could get steamy-"

"Please- Mom please"

"I'm just saying!! I'd like to know if you have protection. And if you don't you need to go get it before she comes over. If you need money for it I'll give it to you"

Buck is laid out on the table, smacking his head against it. Athena puts her hand on his head, chuckling as she ruffles his hair 

"You take care of my baby. Don't let me hear you went back to being a womanizer"

"I really like her, like… I really like her. I'll be good to her, I just hope I can be good enough for her"

"You just keep being you, Buck. Don't get in your head, just keep being that sweet man we all know you are and it'll be okay. You deserve to be happy baby" 

Buck smiles, turning his head to look at Athena, he sits up, taking her hand in his and squeezing it 

"I promise to do my best" 

They finish their tea together, he gushes about you and all of the dates he has planned and she smiles, listening to him talk. She even gives input on a few details for some of his dates, it's 3:30 when he finally gets to leave. He washes up his cup and kisses her cheek before ducking out the back door.

[buddiebeginz]

In the middle of a rewatch right now and I'm at s4. I know what I'm about to say is unpopular because I've had people angry at me before when I've made posts about it but I feel like one of the characters who the show and fandom too often treat like they can do no wrong is Maddie. I love her and I especially love her relationship with Buck but there are some storylines with her that forever drive me crazy.

I think all of the characters have made mistakes at different times that's part what I love about the show. That all of the characters are relatable and we've watched them grow and change and have to really deal with the messes they make.

Maddie though I feel often gets a pass because of what she dealt with from Doug or because she essentially had to raise Buck.

In s3 Maddie used her position at the call center to stalk a woman. To lie to her and pretend to be her friend so she could try and save her from her life. I get that a big reason Maddie did this is because she wasn't in a good headspace after what happened in s2 with Doug but it was still all kinds of messed up. She even lied to Chim about it. Sue at the call center tells her she needs to go talk to a therapist and Chim calls her out for lying but for the most part no one makes a big deal about it even after she continues to get involved in that woman's life.

My bigger issues with Maddie though are connected to Buck. In s4 Maddie finds out Buck is going to therapy and he won't really tell her why. She gets worried about him and decides without telling him to not only tell her parents that he's in therapy but to invite their parents to come for a visit. Which I found to be so thoughtless. Whatever relationship Maddie might have with her parents it's clear they didn't have that with Buck. You can tell that by the whole baby box thing.

She should have asked him before talking about his private business with parents Buck wasn't even in contact with. She definitely should have talked to him before inviting them to LA. He should have had the option to not see them if he didn't want to. If you watch 404 when Maddie tells Buck their parents are coming he talks about how it's basically too late to do anything about it now. How Maddie waited until they were already almost there to even tell him they were coming. Maddie also talks about how Buck had been in Texas (for the Lone Star crossover ep) so she literally waited until he was away and had no ability to voice his opinion on them coming.

Even worse than just bringing the parents there is that Maddie kept Daniel a secret from Buck, long after both of them had moved out of their parents house. Like I could understand her not really having a choice when they were little and both still living at home. And I know Maddie had a lot going on with Doug for a while but when she came to LA she should have found time to sit Buck down and talk to him about their brother. Instead she decides to tell Chim before she ever tells Buck and lets Buck find out accidently.

I know some have argued that she was just trying to protect Buck but I'm sure she would have wanted to know if she was in Buck's position. Also keeping Buck in the dark about the truth of his own life and family for his entire life isn't protecting him it's just being cruel.

I will always hate how the show handled all of this stuff with Buck because I think he deserved to be angry at least for a little bit with Maddie and he deserved to be able to tell her how her keeping this from him made him feel and the show didn't give that to him. I'm not saying I didn't want them to make up of course I did and I love their relationship but I wanted some accountability from Maddie and the show never gives that.

[lemotmo]

Some of the questions that you all get 😅😅. Bless all of you who have to deal with this stuff.

Q. I don't understand why Oliver feels like he can't talk about Tommy/Lou? He's been brought up to him a few times and you can see that he clearly wants to talk about him but won't let himself. It's part of Buck's story. He can and should talk about him. Ryan being present shouldn't have mattered. Tommy is part of Buck's story and Oliver should get to talk about him.

A. Oliver didn't edit his response because Ryan was there. Oliver didn't want or need to talk about Tommy. The Tommy topic has been handled pretty consistently by both Tim and Oliver in recent interviews. They're talking AROUND him instead of ABOUT him. And they both quickly shifted their focus to other things. Tim made it about Eddie, for obvious reasons, and Oliver shifted to talking about how poorly Buck is handling the Gerard situation because I think that's what's ultimately going to lead to them parting ways. That's clearly a deliberate choice. They're not talking about him because there's nothing to say. He isn't the point of anything happening within the storyline. They have to talk around him because the plot point that Tommy was serving has not yet been resolved on screen. But I'm guessing his part is finished and closed by the end of episode 2 at the latest. If he was sticking around for any length of time both Oliver and Tim could have said that we would see their relationship continue to grow. That's a very simple answer to give. It doesn't require any additional details but would at least let the audience know that their relationship was going to get some kind of focus. Instead they both just said it was still at the early stages and no real time has passed from last season to this season. Then Oliver flat out said they don't yet know what a relationship 'could or would' look like. But Ryan telling the interviewer that Buck and Eddie will be leaning on each other is the biggest tell. If the Tommy relationship was a priority of any kind they would be having Buck lean on him not Eddie.

I think the golf photos we saw are a Buck/Eddie/Tommy outing and they just happen to run into Gerard. If that is the case then that scene is going to be used exactly like all of Tommy's scenes last season were used. To highlight the difference in the way Eddie and Tommy talk to, listen to, react to and regard Buck. If the Eddie story is going where most people, including many jurnos, now think it is they need Tommy out of the way fairly quickly and the Gerard plot is the easiest way to do that. And, in spite of what his fans are currently shouting, makes perfect sense given Tommy's canon history. He's going to tell Buck to keep his mouth shut, his head down and ignore everything. Buck is not going to be capable of doing that, this is something you all would know if you had bothered to watch any of Buck's history. Even if the golf thing turns out to be something different I still think Gerard will be the reason they split. If Buddie is the plan, and that looks increasingly likely, they need Eddie and Buck in some kind of story position before Christopher returns. Given everything that has happened between Eddie and Christopher he's not going to want to keep secrets from him. So even if they aren't ready for Buddie yet they need Eddie in position to open up to Christopher about what's changed for him while he's been away. They don't have time or frankly need to drag out the Tommy part. They need that plot point closed to move forward with the bigger story.

Thank you Nonny! As always, I appreciate you dropping these asks in my inbox.

This post kinda speaks for itself, doesn't it. All of this makes perfect sense when we step back and look at all the things that have been said about BT, Buck and Eddie so far.

Whether or not the Gerrard-situation will lead to their break up, I do expect a break up to occur pretty early on as well. It will be used to propel Buck's story forward, while simultaniously influencing Eddie's story as well.

As for the details? Pffff... who knows? We'll just have to tune in, watch and hope they'll do this story justice. 🤞🤞🤞

IMPORTANT! Please don't repost this ask and/or a link that leads straight to my Tumblr account on Twitter or any other social media. Thank you!

Heads up! For anyone who is giving me the shifty eyes for reposting Ali's updates instead of reblogging. Read this.

Remember, no hate in comments, reblogs or inboxes. Let's keep it civil and respectful. Thank you.

If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.

[whatohitsonfirewelp]

You know what I will hate?

If someone else has to point out how Buck or Eddie feels. I know that’s a popular trope, but honestly? Fuck that.

Fuck having to tell a queer person who they’re supposed to be with, how they’re supposed to feel. I actually hate that so much. Because why, why is it that after being told we’re supposed to love certain people, and we realize we don’t, we’re told from ALL SIDES who we are supposed to love after we come out. From the people who don’t accept us to the people that do.

I don’t want Tommy telling Buck that hey man you’re in love with Eddie

I want Buck to realize and accept this on his own, it’s HIS choice it’s HIS life he’s finally free so Let Him Have The Control

I don’t want Marisol to tell Eddie he’s not in love with her, he’s in love with Buck. I actually HATE when fans decide the girlfriend has to take upon that role.

I want Eddie to have his own oh moment. I want Eddie to have this soft, happy, light feeling of being free.

I don’t want Christopher a literal chick to tell Buck and Eddie they’re in love.

I want them to discover it together on their own. I want them to talk to Christopher separately and together about it. Don’t involve a child in the love lives of adults.

I do not fucking want Hen (or Karen and Josh) to look at these two and say I called it.

THEY ARE ALSO QUEER!! They KNOW what it’s like to feel the need to keep this part of yourself a secret, to be scared, to be overwhelmed with emotions, to finally feel free.

I want them to be so so unbelievably happy and proud of Buck and Eddie and to not take away from their discovery of themselves. 

I don’t want past girlfriends showing up and saying they knew something was off.

Because you know what? Let’s not make queer characters uncomfortable and guilty for something that wasn’t their fault, something they weren’t even AWARE of, or to feel any pain for a relationship that is very much over.

I don’t think you guys understand how much you seem to demand for us to get buddie as queer, to have Eddie and Buck as queer, and in the same breath want to take what that means away from them

Them realizing they are queer is not something that other characters should have a huge opinion or input on. It should be THEM worried about what others will say and think only to find out they are so loved by those who truly matter.

Coming out as queer is HUGE. It’s not easy, it can be confusing and it’s overwhelming. Let Buck, and if it happens then Eddie as well, go about their own journey their way. Stop forcing other characters, straight or queer, to be in it. It’s not about anyone else but them. It’s not a simple love story of two men that are already out. It’s about realizing hey, this thing I thought I was my entire life? It’s not true.

Let them process that and take it in and explorer what is a completely newworld.

[jittyjames]

full whumptober masterlist is finished! ehehe it's so great i actually have time to work on these this year! anyway, if anyone wants to know more about any of the specific fics or maybe even a snippet, feel free to drop an ask!

Day 1: Search Party + Panic Attack — Jesus Christ Superstar — When Jesus disappears without a word to the disciples, Judas and Mary take it upon themselves to go looking for him as days turn to weeks. 

Day 2: Role Reversal + Used As Bait (Alt. Prompt)— Twenty One Pilots · Trenchler — The Torchbearer is taken by DEMA as a way to lure Clancy back to them.

Day 3: Wrongfully Arrested — Jesus Christ Superstar · Jesus/Mary/Judas — Jesus rushes to save Judas from being punished in a way he doesn't deserve.

Day 4: Hallucinations + Motion Sickness (Alt. Prompt) — Hamilton — Alexander and Washington find themselves in the clutches of a cruel soldier. His experiments leave the two in quite a predicament.

Day 5: Heatstroke — Hamilton — The heat of battle is only made worse by the oppressive summer sun. Aaron Burr finds himself faltering. 

Day 6: Not Realizing They're Injured — Jesus Christ Superstar— After a violent riot breaks out, not everyone is as unscathed as it seems.

Day 7: "It's Us Or Them." — 9-1-1 — Buck ends up in the hospital after making a choice.

Day 8: Sleep Deprivation — Hamilton · Hamburr — As Alexander and Aaron push through a high-stakes murder case that bring up bad memories for the both of them, the lack of sleep causes something else to brew between them.

Day 9: Obsession — Hamilton · Hamburr · Modern — Aaron runs into trouble when a mysterious man takes an interest in him. 

Day 10: Blow To The Head + Slurred Words + “I Can’t Think Straight.” — Mindhunter — In a questioning gone wrong, Holden is left reeling. Quite literally.

Day 11: Seeing Double + Loneliness — Hamilton — For just a moment, Alexander thinks he's looking at someone who can't possibly be there.

Day 12: Starvation + “Just A Little More.” — Jesus Christ Superstar · Jesus/Judas — Judas takes issue with having when others have not.

Day 13: Team As family + Multiple Whumpees + Vermin (Alt. Prompt) — Hamilton — The British didn't see them as people anymore. They saw them as something far different.

Day 14: Blackmail— Hamilton — When Alexander's secrets are being held by his political enemies, he will do everything he can to ensure they never get out. [Continuation of Keep Me (And My Secrets)]

Day 15: Childhood Trauma — Jesus Christ Superstar (Arena) · Jesus/Judas — Mary reflects on her life as she watches Judas’ fall apart. 

Day 16: "No, I Can't Feel Anything." — Twenty One Pilots · Trenchler — After the final battle, Clancy stumbles.

Day 17: Nowhere Else To Go + Beatdown (Alt. Prompt) — Hamilton — Thomas Jefferson finds a bleeding Hamilton on his doorstep.

Day 18: Revenge + Loss Of Identity + Unreliable Narrator — Jesus Christ Superstar · Jesus/Judas — Judas finds Jesus with blood on his hands.

Day 19: Abandoned Cabin + Blood Trail — Mindhunter — Holden is taken by an unsub.

Day 20: Emotional Angst + Giving Permission To Die — Hamilton · Hamliza — Eliza and Alex have one last conversation.

Day 21: Spirit Possession + Body Horror — Jesus Christ Superstar · Jesus/Mary/Judas — Jesus had cast out demons from many people over the course of his ministry. But it’s just different when it’s someone he loves. 

Day 22: Reopening Wounds — Mindhunter — The aftermath of all the events with that principal leave Holden burning with a need for justice, no matter how obsessive it seems.

Day 23: Forced Choice + Public Display — Jesus Christ Superstar · Jesus/Judas —  Amuse Me (Fuck or Die Fic)

Day 24: “I Never Knew Daylight Could Be So Violent.” — Hamilton — How can the sun still rise when so much horror has come to pass? How can the world still spin?

Day 25: Being Monitored + "It's For Your Own Good."— Jesus Christ Superstar · Modern — Judas meets Jesus in the most unlikely of places.

Day 26: Nightmares + Breakfast Table — Hamilton · Modern — Aaron's daughter is always hanging around that Hamilton kid. He doesn't mind it as much as he pretends to— Philip is a sweet boy, after all, and it gives Aaron the excuse he needs to see his former friend despite bridges being burned to a crisp. But when Aaron get's a phone call one stormy night, everything changes.

Day 27: Voiceless + Communication Barrier ( Alt. Prompt) — Jesus Christ Superstar — Judas had only wanted them to warn Jesus off. He hadn't expected... this.

Day 28: Exposure + Secrets Revealed (Alt. Prompt)— Jesus Christ Superstar — As tensions rise amongst two of the apostles while on a mission, some secrets comes to the surface.

Day 29: Burnout + Shivering (Alt. Prompt) — Hamilton— Everything is coming to a breaking point. Words don't look like words anymore. Alexander doesn't feel like Alexander anymore.

Day 30: Recovery + Hospital Bed + "What Have I Done?" — Hamilton · Jamilton—  After an attempt brought on by something Thomas said, he's left to pick up the pieces of a broken Hamilton.

Day 31: Asking For Help + Therapy — 9-1-1 — No one can understand why Buck is so averse to therapy.

+ ALTERNATIVE IDEAS!!!

Body Swap— Judas' kiss wasn't that of betrayal.

Finding Old Messages + Regret + Forgotten — Aaron Burr finds an old, unopened letter in a coat he wore in his younger years. The coat he wore to Hamilton's wedding.

Friendly Fire + Survivor's Guilt— John hadn't meant to hit him. He truly didn't. But Alexander was still on the ground.

Time Loop— Jesus and Mary don't abandon Judas once the three days have come and gone. Their love perseveres. And they would have followed him anywhere.

Venom— The snakes of the desert were the furthest thing from Jesus' mind. Maybe they shouldn't have been.

[chronicowboy]

"Everyone misunderstands," Eddie announces to the silent waiting room.

Its the first thing he's said since he begged Buck to talk to him as Chim's hands pressed into his sternum. The words come out jagged and cold.

Everyone is looking at him, but Eddie doesn't - can't - take his eyes off the chilli sauce stain on his trousers.

The chilli Buck had made.

The chilli with Bobby's secret ingredient that had sent Buck into a joyful frenzy when he was let in on it.

"Everyone thinks Buck," here his voice breaks, "thinks he's indestructible and that they know better." Eddie's clasped hands shake in his lap, knuckles so white he waits for the bones to snap and slice clean through his skin. "Well, I do know better. I know him better."

I know him.

That's what he wants to say.

Its what he's always wanted to say. To Ali and Abby and Taylor. To the Buckley parents. To Connor and Kameron.

Because no one knows Buck like Eddie does, and he wears that knowledge as a badge of honour.

Here, surrounded by the family Buck's built himself, he wants to say it again. He wants to rub it all in their faces. He wants them to understand what he's really saying.

I know him as none of you know him. I know him as Hen knows Karen. I know him as Bobby knows Athena. I know him as Chimney knows Maddie. I know him as if he was mine.

I know him. I know him. I know him.

"Buck doesn't think he's indestructible, he thinks he's expendable." Even though he spits the word, he catches Margaret Buckley's pained little noise. Good. She's the one that made him think it in the first place. "I don't know when I realised it. I just know that I've been carrying it as a weight on my back for longer than I can remember."

He wore the knowledge of it like a crown of thorns, a crucifix.

Ready to die once, twice, a thousand times if it would convince Buck that he was worth something more than what he could do for other people.

"I thought I knew better," his words waver, but he doesn't care about how many eyes are on him as the tears roll down his cheeks. "But I'm just as bad as everyone else because I know Buck thinks he's expendable, but I was the one who thought he was indestructible."

He scoffs at himself.

"That's why I did it."

He whispers this, but in the suffocating tension of the room, it carries like a scream.

"This wasn't supposed to happen."

He wraps a trembling hand around the pendant of his St Christopher medal.

Fuck, he's going to have to tell Chris.

"He wasn't supposed to..." Eddie bites his lip, squeezes his eyes shut. "When I was dying, it was always him right there with me. He was life. He was supposed to be life. Not death, I'm death." He shakes his head. "He was supposed to live."

He's angry. But this time, he has nothing to be angry about, no one to be angry at.

Buck didn't do anything reckless.

The lightning fell from the sky like an anvil of divine intervention.

"I put him in my will because he always makes it through. He comes out the other side, cracking stupid jokes, but he always comes out the other side." He drops his voice to a whisper again, "that's why I did it."

Buck was supposed to be untouchable.

And when he wasn't, Eddie was supposed to keep anything from touching him.

"I thought if..." He doesn't know why he's telling them this. It took him a full year to tell Buck himself, but something inside of him, wild and untamed, refuses to settle unless the words are falling off his lips. "I made him Christopher's guardian because he's never the one who leaves, and I wanted to be the one who stayed."

Even the sounds of the hospital beyond their little vigil, fade away.

The lawyer had asked him if it was a wise choice, to make another firefighter his son's legal guardian. His partner, for fuck's sake. There were multiple times each shift where one fell swoop could have taken both of them.

But Buck was indestructible.

And putting him on a legal document cemented his immortality.

So, maybe it wasn't wise to make Buck, a statistical anomaly of a firefighter, his son's legal guardian.

But its Buck.

"He's not supposed to leave. He's not allowed to leave."

He's not allowed to leave me.

That's what he wants to say.

[littlespoonevan]

You can't say you have a specific call or scene in mind for those music choices and not share!!!

Anonymous asked: https://www.tumblr.com/littlespoonevan/752482136680005632/now-that-i-know-all-your-favourite-music-moments Can you tell us about the song call related that wins ?

okay i feel like i should've clarified i don't have like, Detailed scenes for most of those songs - just a general idea for the type of scene/call i could see it in askjdfhs but here is my take anyway:

I Was Made For Lovin’ You - KISS

ironically, i had an idea forever ago about a call to a movie set where an action stunt goes wrong so given this was the main song in the fall guy it feels very appropriate lmao. basically in my head there exists an episode about best friends where they keep getting calls about best friends and in this particular call, the two best friends are the stunt actors one and one of them confesses their love to the other in the midst of their panicked tangent while the other one is hurt/getting treated (yes this hypothetical episode ends with buddie feelings realisation obviously aksjdfh)

Barracuda - Heart

okay i don't have a specific scene for this but i do think it should match the energy of buck and eddie standing on top of the firetruck as it's moving to catch that sky diver in 3x11, like show me them doing something Cool

Time of the Season - The Zombies

i actually wanted this to be in the blackout arc lol. i think i was even talking to someone about it at the time too??? basically i thought it'd be Great as an opening montage song a la pressure in 2x01. and in line with that, i also think it'd be Great montage song if there was another heatwave (buddie secret relationship making out at the side of the firetruck a la bathena yes/yes?????)

California Dreamin’ - The Mamas & Papas

i wanted this to be in the season 6 opener askdjh i think it was when we were still theorising about the bathena cruise in s6 and the potential of a storm????? again, a very good opening montage song that could be a harbinger of an incoming disaster (i do believe it would work really well for a storm since you have the rain sounds at the beginning of the song and the contradiction of the lyrics)

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme - ABBA

i also wanted this to be in the blackout arc lmfao. look, when i accidentally predicted the blackout arc back in the summer before s5 i had a way more fUN arc planned in my head than what happened and having the lyrics 'Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight Won't somebody help me chase the shadows away? Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight Take me through the darkness to the break of the day' as part of an ep about a blackout is just very funny

i don't really have a specific call in mind for it but i do have a viscerally vivid image of buck jumping down from the truck like he did in the first call in treasure hunt while that song is playing overhead. also some people in the tags have suggested it playing on a call to a gay bar and i'd be very in favour of that askdjhf

Rasputin - Boney M.

this was originally the song i wanted playing in the stunt gone wrong scene lol

Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) - Backstreet Boys

i did literally just think of this one as i was making the poll but it would be so FUN!!!! halloween ep obviously, idk what context, but something along the lines of chim and the crow would be very funny. maybe something vampire-y/werewolf-esque to keep in theme with the music video. either way it should play during a call where the 118 is Freaked Out in an amusing way 👻

the poll is still active for another few hours if people feel like voting!! 🥰

[friend-crow]

alternative tarot meanings and rules

a collaborative project by tumblr (I hope)

instructions

0 - the fool Meaning: Do something you meant to but never did. Submitted by @lazywitchling Element: surprise

1 - the magician Rule: look through the deck and put whatever card I want in his place Submitted by @lazywitchling

2 - the high priestess you're going to become a milf or be adopted by one Submitted by @happydayes28

3 - the empress Meaning: You got this! You're the HBIC! Reversed: You don't got this. Maybe take a rest. Submitted by @citrinemystic

4 - the emperor

5 - the heirophant Meaning:

Submitted by happydayes28

6 - the lovers Meaning: Just make a fucking choice already. Submitted by @upthewitchypunx

7 - the chariot Meaning: You'll get it, but... are you SURE you want it? Are you **reallly** sure? Submitted by @windvexer Meaning: you're going to be in a car chase soon Submitted by @happydayes28

8 - justice Meaning: Whose Justice? Can refer to the law abused or misapplied, seems like a split card, with Justice as an Ideal juxtaposed against how it can be used to harm and oppress. Submitted by @promiseiwillwrite

9 - the hermit Meaning: live your best secret mystic life. You need to go find forbidden magic and hole up in your wizard tower to study it for a little while. Basically, whatever magic, occultism, whatever ur doing, keep researching it, go into the depths of theory if you can. Reversed: maybe you've cast too many spells banned by the wizard council, or made too many deals with the pale folk under the hill. Submitted by @compasswitch Meaning: manipulative or abusive relationships - may indicate an affair in combination with the three of cups. Submitted anonymously

10 - wheel of fortune Meaning: you should listen to more podcasts. maybe find some new music. see what people recommend y’know? Submitted by @musings-on-wisteria Rule: When it comes up, flip all the cards over! Reverse the uprights! Upright the reversals! It's Topsy Turvy Day! Submitted by lazywitchling

11 - strength Meaning: Kindness is a danger to and weapon against the cruel. Take care of yourself and others. What in this situation is threatened by your tenderness? Do you want to piss it off? Reversed: You're so ready to start throwing hands, but did you remember to drink enough water first? Yeah. I thought so. Get that self-care in and then go absolutely go buck-wild. Element: Bismuth. Submitted by @the-wizard-spiderose

12 - the hanged man Meaning: Sometimes it’s time to look at things from another point of view, even if it’s bonkers, upside down and backwards. Reversed: Sometimes that shit looks really fucking weird regardless which way you look at it Submitted by @stormwaterwitch Additional Meaning: "chill the fuck out dude" (give in and let it flow), "swing with the vibes" Submitted by @shrinekeeperatnight

13 - death Meaning: you are trans. Submitted by @jasper-pagan-witch Meaning: have you been a bit broody lately? Maybe it's time to leave that phase behind, reinvent yourself in a bit less "edgy" way. Reversed: Come on man (genderless), let go of the broodiness already. Submitted anonymously.

14 - temperence Meaning: What would happen if we did a little experiment? Think outside of the box! Make mistakes! Get messy! Reversed: Too far out of the box. Maybe take it a step back. Submitted by @citrinemystic

15 - the devil Meaning: bondage Submitted by @jasper-pagan-witch

16 - the tower Meaning: sometimes the universe is just like

Submitted by @rose-colored-tarot Additional Meaning: the stairs are broken, you'll need to take the lift Submitted by @silverandirontales Additional Meaning: Casting out the old to rebuild the new, a breath of fresh air, renewal of a space. (Declutter and forced Marie Kondo your shit) Submitted by @shrinekeeperatnight

17 - the star Meaning: Never lose your sparkle! Submitted by @fernthewhimsical

18 - the moon - it may be a death star Meaning: Look out for deception or danger, proceed with caution and remember sabotage and subterfuge are your friends. Submitted by @silverandirontales Meaning: hey maybe you’re not for everybody. maybe you’re a bit weird. a bit counterculture. that’s fine! it happens. NOW DONT LET THEM MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT IT Submitted by @musings-on-wisteria

19 - the sun Meaning: What wild-ass solution would your 7-year old self come up with if they ran into this problem during one of their pretend games on the playground? Start there. Reversed: You should just touch some grass probably. Element: Niobium. Submitted by @the-wizard-spiderose

20 - judgement Meaning: Time for a glow up and

Reversed: Ooo careful there! You’re too high up there on your horse. Submitted by @stormwaterwitch

21 - the world Meaning:Step forward and recognize how far you’ve come. you have reached apotheosis, and if you look back from the peak you are standing upon, you will see the person you were when you began this journey. Looking forward you can see your future self reaching towards you. They are smiling. they are saying, “you are going to be amazing.” Alternate meaning: you’ve learned about as much as you’re ever gonna on this topic Element: Identity Submitted by @musings-on-wisteria

ace of wands Meaning: big dick energy Submitted by me, Crow Meaning: pretty hair

Submitted by happydayes28

2 of wands

3 of wands Meaning: Starting journey, get prepared, compass, map, walking stick, check! Submitted by promiseiwillwrite

4 of wands

5 of wands

6 of wands

7 of wands Meaning: Swiftness! The speed of winds and diving falcons! Submitted by promiseiwillwrite

8 of wands Meaning: Travel, but not to somewhere physical. This could be a memory of a vacation/camping trip/adventure. Taking yourself out of the current "place" and breathing a different air. A nice memory and a good head space, maybe some perspective and joy, very content and not desperate. Reversed: Want of a nice memory of travel, but being stuck just ruminating on why you're not able to get back there. Submitted by @s-l-e-e-p-y-p-u-p-p-y

9 of wands

10 of wands Meaning: You got that? Are you sure? There's no shame in asking for help. Submitted by @upthewitchypunx

page of wands Meaning: I got this long ass trip and forgot to pack snacks - unchecked ambition leads to lack of foresight Submitted by @rose-colored-tarot

knight of wands

queen of wands

king of wands Holy shit, you can see everything! Now use those big eyes and that big brain of yours to do something about it, yeah?

Submitted by @muis-daydreams

ace of swords Meaning: Be confident in yourself; you’ve got a fucking sword Reversed: Bad news bears- It’s double edged. Submitted by @stormwaterwitch

2 of swords Meaning: challenge someone to a duel Submitted by @fernthewhimsical

3 of swords Meaning: polyamorous, throuple. Submitted by @amerwitch

4 of swords Meaning: You've been fighting something, and you need to retreat to take a moment and figure out what to do next. Contemplate what's holding you back. Reversed: Don't listen to your brain. Take a damn break. Do some self-care and self-love, but don't push yourself to fight back. It'll only make it worse. You're burned out Submitted by @severeinternetparadise

5 of swords Meaning: A duel with one person is fine, but duelling 4? You're either mad or some sort of holy warrior. Maybe consider talking it out instead? Submitted by muis-daydreams

6 of swords Meaning: Take yourself on that damn adventure already, stop stalling. Life's too short to wallow in worry or wait until your plan is Perfect™. Submitted by muis-daydreams

7 of swords

8 of swords Meaning: I am looking away. I do not see it. (alternatively: I can't read suddenly. I don't know) Reversed: I am Looking directly at it Element: farsightedness Rule: clean your glasses Submitted by @solarintentions

9 of swords Take a step back. Everything's fine, you're just worrying too much. Time to put down the precautions and cards and just relax. What's gonna happen will happen regardless of your worry. Reversed: Stop overthinking and just make the choice. Submitted by @rue-cimon

10 of swords - fuck your spine forever Meaning: the curse of back pain be upon you Reversed meaning: acupuncture Element: long-suffering Rule: check your posture Submitted by me, Crow

page of swords Meaning: Shifty human, beware. Submitted by promiseiwillwrite

knight of swords

queen of swords

king of swords Meaning: Positive omen for formal dealings, especially in career and spirit work. The king has bargained well, and has the right people in his inner and outer circles. Reversed: Check your deals. Specifically thinking of spirit work here, but the king needs to reconsider his alliances. @compasswitch

ace of cups Meaning: item of mystical power heading your way! Submitted anonymously

2 of cups Meaning: Just make out with them already. But only if you're serious about it! Trust me, they would love you if you were a worm. Submitted by muis-daydreams

3 of cups Meaning: Possible romantic affair, especially in combination with The Hermit Submitted anonymously

4 of cups Meaning: You know that feeling when you want something but you can't decide what or nothing sounds good and no amount of people offering you things will change that? How's that going? Submitted by @cloudselkie

5 of cups Meaning: There's no point crying over spilled beverages. Accept your setbacks or losses and move on. Also, consider whether you really need that much glassware in your cabinet. Is it all dishwasher safe? Reversed: A need for self-acceptance and kindness. Maybe also keep an eye on your hydration. Submitted by @hoochieblues

6 of cups Meaning: Emotional, nostalgic escapism. Submitted by @thatgrungewitch-x

7 of cups Meaning: Consider the options! There are excellent paths you probably haven't considered yet. You should go to a cool bookstore and just, like, *l o o k* at everything. Reversed: You've got too many options. Go through the tabs on your computer and close all the ones you aren't using or aren't going to use today. Element: Gallium Submitted by @the-wizard-spiderose Meaning: you’ve been doing that unhealthy thing with social media again Submitted by @musings-on-wisteria Meaning: Consider learning to juggle. Submitted by @coinandcandle

8 of cups

9 of cups Meaning: The good news is you’re hydrating on life! Reversed: The bad news is you’ve got to take all those cups back to the sink. Submitted by @stormwaterwitch

10 of cups Meaning: Get absolutely smashed. Can also mean other kinds of revelry and pure partying. Dionysus indicator, if the querent worships or is asking about him. Reversed: Drink some water. Vitals check. Have you been ignoring some things that you don't like doing? Maybe go take a nap or look at the important spreadsheet. Submitted by @compasswitch

page of cups

knight of cups Meaning: meant to be a lover, not a fighter. May mean that a person is bad at their job, or not right for it. Submitted by @promiseiwillwrite

queen of cups

king of cups Meaning: Stand the fuck up for yourself and your mental health. Submitted by @musings-on-wisteria

ace of coins Meaning: Lucky! You've found a penny in your path, literally or otherwise Reversed: It was be a fae gift, literally or otherwise. Fuck Submitted by compasswitch

2 of coins Meaning: flip a coin for this decision man, its not a big deal Reversed: DO NOT FLIP A COIN THAT IS A VERY BAD IDEA NO Submitted by compasswitch

3 of coins

4 of coins Meaning: Hold on tight, buckaroo. Reversed: Let go, buckaroo. Element: Screaming Astrological sign: Yes Submitted by coinandcandle

5 of coins Meaning: you're walking on eggshells to get out of uncomfortable situations Submitted by @darlingdearesth

6 of coins

7 of coins Meaning: This card is all about forgetfulness. It asks: is there anything you’re forgetting? Something you’ve be been putting off so long it slipped your mind? Or perhaps someone else forgot to do something and you interpreted it maliciously. Mistakes happen! Submitted by @wariomolly

8 of coins

9 of coins

10 of coins

page of coins

knight of coins

queen of coins Meaning: you’re in the garden when the edible hits and everything is kinda awesome - material success brings joy, but so does sitting back and watching the birds Submitted by @rose-colored-tarot

king of coins

[trashendence]

#mitchell the antithesis of Buck's sperm donation...

this is a fairly recent hyperfixation of mine, one i’m very passionate about and that i hope makes sense.

so. a central point made in 5x06 is that mitchell doesn’t want nolan to know it’s his heart he is receiving. he wants his son to stay as far away from his life and memory as possible because nolan is a good kid and he deserves better than falling into the same patterns his father fell into. having mitchell’s dna and heart is somehow not enough to “contaminate” nolan, his choices, his future. but knowing could. knowing could drag him down with mitchell, bridge the years they spent apart in the worst of ways. and, really, this is the antithesis of why connor chose buck. connor chose buck because he is a good person who cares about others and he hopes his future kid can be a good person too, despite not having any - or very limited - direct contact with buck himself. buck’s dna somehow eases connor’s worries, makes him hope in a bright life, a good future, a biological legacy that shapes who his kid will be. but - and here’s the catch - what if buck subconsciously follows mitchell’s reasoning, instead? what if him wanting children is a dream tainted by the fear of contaminating them with what he perceives as his countless failures and his inability to be loved by someone who can simply choose not to? what if he’s mitchell and he’s giving a part of himself while trying to avoid giving all of himself? seeing himself as a sum of separate parts, once again. and still, it’s the very reason he was chosen.

and there is so much of eddie in everything here; eddie who is actively asked to be the keeper of mitchell’s secret while buck does not plan on telling him about his (at least not on purpose). it’s so fascinating that both secrets are just waiting to be revealed - nolan can literally read about the mayhem on the day of his transplant outside his hospital, about who caused it, and do simple math; connor’s child will probably know from their parents when they’re old enough; 2 seconds spent eavesdropping and buck’s secret is out too-. so is the act of donating life in semi-secret more about the fathers seeking redemption (from a cycle of absent parents they both suffered from, from other regrets) than it is about the secrecy itself?

(a redemption that, especially in buck’s case, not only asks him to remove himself from the happiness he desires in order for it to exist, but to pay even more so that someone else can be happy instead.)

@sorryalecwho’s majestic brain pointed out mitchell’s “me dying and him living maybe makes the world a better place” and called it the Evan Buckley Thesis in relation to daniel, the people he helps, eddie….eddie who’s the one to correct mitchell and ask him: “you think that’s a feel-good ending for him?” which- i’m still staring into the void thinking about that, thanks alec. trusting eddie to do the right thing for nolan was the last thing mitchell did and, under a layer of jokes about jerking off, buck thought eddie would’ve done the “right thing” for him too: trying to stop him. that, he got wrong because he didn’t factor in the importance eddie gives to choice, but buck’s premises were valid: eddie sympathizing with mitchell as a dad cannot work here because buck is not acting as a dad, he’s acting as a wounded son - and eddie will always protect the wounded son.

oh boy did i keep talking.

[shikoku4k]

Pato "Fireball" Grant, di top shotta from outta West Kingston, wake up inna di middle of a real strange vibe. Him did drop asleep after a long day a mek sure di crew have everything lock and di youth dem get dem share, but when him open him eye, di whole place feel wrong.

Di room weh him deh inna nuh look like di usual spot. Di walls line wid big fancy painting a high-class man dem in suit, and di desk in front a him look like it belong to some high-up boss. Di chair weh deh behind di desk leather and big, like fi some rich uptown general. Pato heart start beat fast. Dis never look like no West End base. Dis look like di headquarters of di Uptown Dawgs, di rival gang weh always a fight fi di big money and di turf control.

Pato look down pon him clothes and feel like him chest lock up. Navy blue suit? Gold chain big pon him neck like a corporate tycoon? Him try fi tek it off, but him hand dem move slow, like dem a fight against him.

Him run to di mirror. Him face still look like him own, but di green bandanna pon him neck, di colour of di Uptown Dawgs, tell him someting wrong. Him try fi shout out, fi bawl 'bout di life fi di youth dem, fi equal share fi di crew—but all weh come outta him mouth was, "Wi haffi protect di money fi di bosses dem."

Pato feel him knees wobble, but him still manage fi run out di room, di hallway long and winding in front a him. Everywhere him go, di Dawgs dem a hail him up, nodding like dem know him as one of dem own. Every time him try fi cuss out, him mouth betray him and chat ‘bout "business deals," "turf expansion," an’ "mek di youth dem wait."

As him move through di place inna confusion, him buck up pon Winston “Big W” Watson. Now, Winston was di man. Di big man fi di Uptown Dawgs, di one weh push all di deals and keep di money flowing. But someting strange 'bout him today. Di usual grim look gone, and instead di man look calm... even, caring.

"Fireball, mi don," Winston seh, clapping him pon him shoulder like dem old friends. "Mi can see yuh a fight a battle. Come, mek wi reason."

Pato still cyaan control him body, so him follow Winston down di long passage. Di warm energy weh a come offa Winston start mek Pato wonder if dis man really change.

"Yuh nah go believe wah gwaan, Fireball," Winston seh, voice quiet like him a reveal some big secret. "But mi nah go lie, mi a go tell yuh di truth. Mi nuh deh pon dis road by choice."

Pato look pon him suspicious. Di same man who lock down di turf fi di rich side a chat like him have sense?

"Mi nuh fi meself no more," Winston whisper. "Yuh ever hear ‘bout Bongo Levi Johnson?"

Pato eye dem nearly pop outta him head. "Bongo Levi from back inna di day? Di legend from Jungle Crew? Di man weh fight fi di people dem?"

Winston nod. "Yeah, mi don. Him spirit a guide mi now. Di system did try fi crush him, but him live on inside a me."

Pato couldn't believe it. Here him deh, trapped inna di body of a top Dawg, and Winston, di big man fi di enemy crew, now chat like him a one a di man dem from back inna di ghetto.

"Yuh nuh affi believe mi," Winston continue, "but mi tell yuh, Fireball. Di fight fi di people never done. Mi feel it now. Di youth dem need a better life, not just turf and money fi di bosses."

Pato still couldn’t believe wah him a hear. But deep down, someting start fi make sense. Winston never did seem di same.

"But yuh," Winston seh, turning and looking deep into Pato eye, "yuh still have di fire inna yuh, but yuh body a fight yuh. Mi can help yuh, but yuh affi do someting big. Someting weh mash up di whole system."

Pato still a wonder wah dis mean. "Wah mi affi do?" him ask, voice shaky.

Winston smile small and lean in close. "Yuh need fi change di game pon dem. Yuh haffi do someting so real, di whole a di Dawgs dem cyaan stop yuh."

Winston lead Pato through di back of di building, into one small room. Inside, sit one elder man wid locks, a scratch some note pon a piece a paper.

"Dis yah Jahman Roy," Winston seh. "Him know di way fi fix dis mess."

Jahman Roy look up, di man eye dem sharp like di razor blade dem use fi cut through di ghetto streets. "So di system ketch anedda one, eh?" Jahman seh, smile light up him face.

Pato barely able fi talk. "Wah mi haffi do fi free miself?"

Jahman Roy lean back and say, "Yuh affi mash up di money deal dem. Yuh affi stop di ting dem weh a oppress di youth and fi di small man. Push fi tek back di transport fi di people. Get rid a di private bosses dem."

Wid dat, Jahman slide one paper pon di table. "Dis yah plan fi mek di roadways free fi all a di ghetto youth. If yuh get it sign, an’ present it, di system nah go able fi stop yuh."

Pato hold di paper tight inna him hand, di weight of di mission heavy pon him heart.

Winston nod beside him. "Mi an Bongo Levi deh wid yuh. Do it, mi bredda."

Pato tek a deep breath and start fi march down di hallway, di paper clutched tight inna him grip. Di other Dawgs dem look pon him like dem confused, but him nuh stop.

When him reach di big meeting, him slam di paper pon di table. "Di streets fi di people. Di transport fi di ghetto!" him shout, voice full a power.

Fi one second, di whole place silent. Den di room start fi move again, but Pato feel di weight lift off him chest. Him did win.

Him wake up inna him bed, drenched in sweat, but free. Di nightmare done, but di lesson? Dat one stay.

[blueberry-lemon]

Five years in, finding a routine

Although mostly on accident, I’ve been working as a game developer and freelancer for the past five years.

That means that I work from home, and have to “be my own boss” on a day-to-day basis. I kept myself chained to my desk long before the pandemic came along, which meant I didn’t get the whiplash that a lot of people got from having not choice but to start working from home

That said…in all this time, I still haven’t found a very good routine for actually making it all work for me in a healthy way. Yikes.

I’ve always struggled to find the right rhythm for work-life balance. How to focus (maybe there’s some anxiety or attention deficiency secretly at play), how to avoid wanting to take breaks, how to find time for hobbies without feeling guilty, how to structure my “schedule.”

It probably doesn’t help that because our team is all around the world, we get up to all sorts of inconvenient time zone tomfoolery. Big bursts of work that has to be done immediately upon waking up or right before bed.

Now, in 2024, I am trying to finally put a structure together. I recently moved to a new apartment in a new town, which felt like a good time for a fresh start. Here’s what I’m up to so far.

I’m trying to wall off “weekends” as time for leisure as best I can. Even within that, it’s even better if I can wall off a little segment of time for a “hobby,” like drawing purely for my own fun instead of drawing for work. Obviously, sometimes work emergencies crop up and you just have to do them on the weekend.

I’ve dabbled with a Virtual Assistant for about 10 months to keep me organized (which went okay) but I’ve scrapped the whole thing and swapped over to an eight buck paper calendar pinned up next to my desk. Less fancy, but less pricey. My parents were great at keeping a huge calendar updated on the fridge when I was growing up. I was a fool to try to live without a physical calendar after high school. It’s made planning for the future “feasible” instead of “overwhelmingly impossible.” Google Calendar was never cutting it for me.

I use a really simple to-do app called Tasks (from Tasks.org). I had thought that maybe I could keep all my to-dos organized this way, but honestly it’s better for things that I need urgent phone notification reminders for. Like “do this right this second.” The rest I’m trying my best to track on the paper calendar.

I’ve started music lessons, going to the gym, and therapy weekly at the start of 2024. Not only do I love this trifecta, but it has also helped structure my weekdays for better and for worse. Can’t get work done while I’m doing those things, but it’s hopefully improving my life in a general sense.

And lastly…I’m writing this right now from a co-working space. I’ve always considered finding a place where I could take a laptop and get work done outside of my apartment, to try to separate “home” and “work” just a little bit more. A place to ignore distractions. Or, honestly, a place where I can’t do household chores or go grocery shopping as an excuse to not do work while feeling productive.

I considered libraries and cafes, and am still open to those as options, but this co-working space is actually really great so far. The vibes are immaculate. It’s peaceful and quiet without feeling lonely. There’s free snacks.

Hopefully this is the beginning of something like a healthy, productive routine. Definitely trying to prioritize finding something sustainable so that I can at least make it another five years in game development without going crazy.

The secret to getting out of my head and out of my bad habits could be getting out of the house.

[fairydustedtheory]

I guess it's time for a new life update and pinned post on my blog. If you've been following me for a while, you know that this year has been a bit of a struggle, to put it lightly. I'll put everything under a read more because I know most people don't want to read that.

tldr: I'm f***ing poor. Here is my Kofi account and my kid's christmas amazon wishlist

Long story short, I've had to go to court twice to see the judge to protect my kid from her father and his new girlfriend who are pretty toxic to her. (I can share more in private but basically we've been and are still going through it). My kid has had a hell of year. Both of our mental healths have greatly suffered and are still suffering but we're trying to heal and hopefully will end the year in better shape than what we've got to experience thus far.

At the end of last year, I finished my paid course which I hoped would mean I'd get a nice job but sadly it hasn't been the case because there aren't many jobs available where I live and the ones I got interviewed for were simply given to people who knew people. And nobody hides that fact. So yeah that sucks and i feel guilty about not being able to earn more money and i feel guilty that i am exhausted. but I don't feel guilty that I put my kid's mental health needs first and that I try to protect her from the bad things that happened to her. But now with all the added expenses for my kid's therapy and some health and lawyer bills that weren't part of the financial aid I got, a tight budget can only get tighter. On top of that, my kid's father decided to stop paying all child support for over a year now, because he's a neat guy like that so that's about €4000 that he owes and I don't know when that will be sorted out. It's not money issues on his part because he comes from a wealthy family and owns several restaurants. Everything's been adding up and making it pretty difficult for me. I'm fairly good at budgetting on small finances as this is how life has always been for me but all the unexpected drama has been a lot.

Like for anyone who says don't have kids if you can't afford them... well, without publicly diagnosing my ex on the internet, let's just say he was very shitty but also very convincing and I was in no way prepared to get dumped basically after giving birth. I don't regret having my daughter, she's the love of my life and even though the world keeps putting obstacles on my way, I keep the hope that we'll get to a good life for the two of us sometime.

Soooo yeah, I know the overall state of the world is bad for everyone and my problems are definitely not the worst problems that exist. I'm grateful for what I do have and I'm not expecting miracles or anything but I keep trying to convince myself that there's no shame in struggling.

I'll share my Kofi account again if anyone feels like donating a couple bucks to my dumpster fire of a life. Anything helps and will go towards paying the rent (which was raised over €50 without the landlord informing me, just to make it more fun) and groceries.

Also, in case anyone feels like being a Secret Santa for my kid, here is an amazon wishlist. We didn't celebrate her birthday the way we usually do because money and mental health weren't with us at the time but it would mean the world to me if she could still feel some Christmas magic somehow. Her first choice is a telescope because she's been fascinated by space and stars lately, so I'm going to do my hardest to save up enough to have it under the tree at Christmas.

I know I'm barely on here anymore, I don't host any events anymore and I barely talk to anyone so I don't even know who is still around but at least I got some of that off my chest and trying to manifest a good end of the year, if only in good vibes ha

[greatqueenanna]

I was looking through your blog and you mention a couple times how you would love to see Frozen remastered and it got me thinking. What if they released a director’s cut of both Frozen and Frozen 2? Maybe they release it as a way to say goodbye to Lee and give her and Chris Buck an opportunity to show their true vision for the films. If they ever did this, what would you love to see in a director’s cut versus of the films?

Uh oh anon, you found my special interest. I would love it if they announce that they're releasing a director's cut or special edition of the first two films. It would be the perfect thing to do for the Frozen 10th Anniversary and to keep interest in the films before F3 arrives. Honestly, this would excite me more than F3 itself haha.

For what I would like to see -

An animation upgrade for F1 - I'm not sure how far they could go with this, but even just upgrading the lighting to the new software they have been using since BH6 would be incredible. I doubt they could make F1 look like F2, not unless they literally built the film from the ground up - but again, I'm not an expert on the programs and processes used in animation.

New Scenes and Songs - Both F1 and F2 have room for improvement, and adding in new scenes and songs could really add the extra spark that each film needs to be closer to perfect (and just be fun overall). My personal suggestions would be -

F1 - I would love it if they added a Dangerous to Dream-like song and/or scene for Elsa - since many were complaining about Elsa just sort of disappearing after Let It Go before reappearing when Anna gets to the Ice Palace. We could get a bit more of how Elsa feels leaving Arendelle and her sister, putting an end to people making her out to be selfish in F1.

F1 - Adding a new scene for the parents. I would say this could fit between Anna seeing Elsa close her door with Agnarr narrating "Including Anna" and when Anna starts Do You Want to Build a Snowman? The scene could consist of Agnarr and Iduna actually discussing the choice to close the gates and their plans for Elsa, helping to give them more depth. This would be the perfect opportunity to bring in Alfred Molina and Even Rachel Wood to add their voices to F1 for continuity since they've been iconic as the parents since F2 (they literally did the narration for Dangerous Secrets).

F1 - Not a requirement but more of a fun idea - a villain song for Hans. Like, imagine if after he closes the door on Anna, we get a short, dark reprise of Love is an Open Door. Chills.

F1 - A duet between Anna and Kristoff or a solo song for Kristoff. Like, imagine if after Kristoff leaves Anna at the gate, we don't leave Kristoff immediately, and he actually talks about his feelings in a song, similar to Kristoff's Lullaby. Maybe, Anna as she's going into the castle to see Hans, she sings a short verse along with him.

F2 - Extending the story prologue a bit to show more scenes of Iduna and Agnarr as children. There were so many deleted scenes that were fully animated of these two, I'm sure they could squeeze a couple of them into the prologue.

F2 - Adding a scene and/or song similar to See the Sky. Showing more of the feelings and perspectives of the Northuldra would do wonders in terms of making them feel more alive in the story, and give an opportunity for both Anna and Elsa to experience their heritage, even a little bit.

F2 - Adding a scene of Anna and Elsa talking about their parents. A perfect part to place this would be after Iduna's Scarf/Veulie scene and right before they're in the camp talking to Honey/Matthias separately. After finding out that Iduna is Northuldra, we could see Anna and Elsa talking about that, leading to the secrets the parents kept when they were children, ending with them discussing their childhood in general. This would give more depth to the shipwreck scene when they see that their parents sacrificed themselves to fix things.

F2 - A duet between Elsa and Anna. A perfect spot for it? After the Infamous Boat scene. Yes. Imagine Anna and Elsa singing about their feelings after the fact while Elsa is walking to the shore and Anna is exploring the cave. They both express their frustration and end up apologizing to one another. Peak Perfection.

Bonus Content -

Including the Frozen Fever Short - Frozen Fever hasn't really had a release since the Cinderella live-action, and it's part of the Lee/Buck storyline, so adding it as a bonus would be awesome.

All of the Deleted Content - Not all scenes and songs are included on the old dvd's, and some of them aren't even the full versions. So, I would love it if they showed all of them and didn't cut them.

Something about the Musical - Maybe the cast talking about their experiences with Frozen or something? Or maybe some performances?

an F3 Sneak Peak - What's a way to entice people to buy the Director's cut? Include an F3 sneak peak.

What would you guys like to see in a special edition/director's cut? Comment or reblog your thoughts.

[jittyjames]

I promise I’m not asking you to commit to writing any of these for whumptober but do you have any instinctive ideas or pairings for any of the prompts? 😁 any that you’ve read and your immediate reaction is it should be this pair, or this fandom?

sure thing! i have a list of my first instincts and ideas for most of the prompts, so here's the first rough draft of my masterpost! (subject to change, of course!) if anyone has any specific ideas, tho, or things they want to see, feel free to let me know!

Day 1: Search Party + Panic Attack — Jesus Christ Superstar — When Jesus disappears without a word to the disciples, Judas and Mary take it upon themselves to go looking for him as days turn to weeks. 

Day 2: Role Reversal — Twenty One Pilots · Trenchler — The Torchbearer is taken by DEMA as a way to lure Clancy back to them.

Day 3: Wrongfully Arrested — Jesus Christ Superstar · Jesus/Mary/Judas — Jesus rushes to save Judas from being punished in a way he doesn't deserve.

Day 4: Hallucinations — Hamilton — Alexander and Washington find themselves in the clutches of a cruel soldier. His experiments leave the two in quite a predicament.

Day 5: Heatstroke — Hamilton — The heat of battle is only made worse by the oppressive summer sun. Aaron Burr finds himself faltering. 

Day 6: Not Realizing They're Injured — Jesus Christ Superstar— After a horrible riot breaks out, not everyone is as unscathed as it seems.

Day 7: "It's Us Or Them." — 9-1-1 — Buck ends up in the hospital after making a choice.

Day 8: Sleep Deprivation — Hamilton · Hamburr — As Alexander and Aaron push through a high-stakes murder case that bring up bad memories for the both of them, the lack of sleep causes something else to brew between them.

Day 9: Obsession — Hamilton · Hamburr · Modern — Aaron runs into trouble when a mysterious man takes an interest in him. 

Day 10: Blow To The Head + Slurred Words + “I Can’t Think Straight.” — Mindhunter — In a questioning gone wrong, Holden is left reeling. Quite literally.

Day 11: Seeing Double + Loneliness — Hamilton — For just a moment, Alexander thinks he's looking at someone who can't possibly be there.

Day 12: Starvation + “Just A Little More.” — Jesus Christ Superstar · Jesus/Judas — Judas takes issue with having when others have not.

Day 14: Blackmail— Hamilton — When Alexander's secrets are being held by his political enemies, he will do everything he can to ensure they never get out. [Continuation of Keep Me (And My Secrets)]

Day 15: Childhood Trauma — Jesus Christ Superstar (Arena) · Jesus/Judas — Mary reflects on her life as she watches Judas’ fall apart. 

Day 17: Nowhere Else To Go — Hamilton — Thomas Jefferson finds a bleeding Hamilton on his doorstep.

Day 18: Revenge + Loss Of Identity + Unreliable Narrator — Jesus Christ Superstar · Jesus/Judas — Judas finds Jesus with blood on his hands.

Day 19: Abandoned Cabin + Blood Trail — Mindhunter — Holden is taken by an unsub.

Day 20: Giving Permission To Die — Hamilton · Hamliza — Eliza and Alex have one last conversation.

Day 21: Spirit Possession + Body Horror — Jesus Christ Superstar · Jesus/Mary/Judas — Jesus had cast out demons from many people over the course of his ministry. But it’s just different when it’s someone he loves. 

Day 22: Reopening Wounds — Mindhunter — The aftermath of all the events with that principal leave Holden burning with a need for justice, no matter how obsessive it seems.

Day 23: Forced Choice + Public Display — Jesus Christ Superstar · Jesus/Judas —  Amuse Me (Fuck or Die Fic)

Day 24: “I Never Knew Daylight Could Be So Violent.” — Hamilton — How can the sun still rise when so much horror has come to pass? How can the world still spin?

Day 26: Nightmares + Breakfast Table — Hamilton · Modern — Aaron's daughter is always hanging around that Hamilton kid. He doesn't mind it as much as he pretends to— Philip is a sweet boy, after all, and it gives Aaron the excuse he needs to see his former friend despite bridges being burned to a crisp. But when Aaron get's a phone call one stormy night, everything changes.

Day 30: Recovery + Hospital Bed + "What Have I Done?" — Hamilton · Jamilton—  After an attempt brought on by something Thomas said, he's left to pick up the pieces of a broken Hamilton.