#is that i’ll ignore you

[fingertipsmp3]

I will never understand people who post tiktoks of them being mansplained to in the gym or someplace and they’re just nodding and smiling at the guy or being civil with him.. I’d end up being filmed by some bystander absolutely shrieking my head off as soon as the guy tells me I need to lose 50 pounds or that I’m doing the wrong workout

[crystallizsch]

do you shake the tweels to make them glow or do you crack them like a glowstick

thank you @comedydoctor18 😭

[bookalicent]

yeah so this was insane

[doctorsiren]

love that my wardrobe had what I needed for Ford without me having to do anything

[l3viat8an]

Pervert Asmo with a scent kink he’s obsessed with your scent your perfume and how you always smell so sweet and tempting -🍿 

Nsfw!

🍿 did you read my mind?! I was literally thinking about this a few days ago skjskj

CW; scent kink duh ‘n a little bit of non-con touching at the end.

Perv!Asmo loves your scent, he’s not sure how to describe it but it’s so sweet and tantalizing it’s almost like a drug. and he straight up steals- I mean he borrows your perfume occasionally (all the damn time) just so he can spray it on his pillows and on his bedsheets and on his clothes and- you get the idea.

He wants to be wrapped in your scent all the time!! although it’d be even better if you were sharing the same scent….or you were covered in his scent!!!- but that’s something he’ll work on later. For now this will have to do.

He loves having your scent all around him because it makes it easier to imagine you’re in the room with him. That your hand is wrapped around his cock, that the teasing touches are yours and not his own…

and in general Asmo’s always touchy but he can play it off as just- well being Asmodeus! So sometimes he’ll pull you to sit in his lap and nuzzle his face in your neck to sniff subtly, soaking in your scent and body heat.

He tries to kiss and lick at your neck too but you always brush it off as more of Asmo’s playful antics. Which is fine with Asmo, as long as you don’t stop him. (really he’d do anything to get a taste of you.)

It’s even better when you have ‘spa nights’ and end up sleeping over in his room in his bed!!! He loves being cuddled up close to you, inhaling the same air and getting to bask in your scent.

Asmo likes to sneak under the covers as soon as you’re asleep, watching you closely making sure you don’t wake up as he slips down lower and lower until his face rests right over your crotch.

He gets bold too, slipping your PJ bottoms down enough that he can lick at your pussy a few times. Getting another little taste of that sweet smell he loves so much, the one that’s filling his lungs right now.

It’s a little awkward first thing in the morning, you’ll wake up and find Asmo’s arms wrapped around your legs, your PJs pulled back up now, but his face is still buried between your legs….but he gives you one of his extra sweet smile and laughs it off.

Obviously he moved down in his sleep, nothing more to it sweetie <3

[fosliie]

It is time to actually explain that one vague Sam and Max au! Calling it

Take me out Noir au

first off, you have to know, this au is essentially a hypothetical fanfic Sam and Max write together with their “totally not me” ocs. I feel like they’d be the kinda guys to write self fulfilling fanficfion (they’re terrible at it)

The gist is that it is a gritty noir detective drama starring Samantha and Maxine, their fem counterparts. It’s the same vibes as a noir detective pulp fiction novel in the 1950’s, so VIOLENCE!! DRAMA!! TENSION!!!

With a disheveled detective and her ex-partner turned performer/singer (with connections to the mafia..?), they often cross paths and usually end up fighting, reminiscing longingly, or a mixture of the both

[800db-cloud]

i’ve been wanting to do this since day one

[hugesigh]

do you think when he finished the first one he was like… yknow what actually i’m still mad, and now he’s just seeing how far spite can take him??

[satellite-runner]

being physically disabled as a young adult after being an physically active child in and physically active family, who still participates in the online spaces for physically active hobbies but cannot participate physically means… i’m a living nightmare. i talk to people who share this interest with me, and my existence is their worst nightmare. they see my crutches and hear that i cannot walk far or climb a ladder and think, thank god it isn’t me. my existence is horrible and unimaginable to able bodied people.

[herebecritters]

Can you draw flippy x flaky please

You’re lucky I love them ❤️

[squinkoblinko]

the mii obsession grows you have no idea

[skelecentral]

Wasn’t gonna post this because it’s only semi-UT related, but. I really wanted to lmaooo— here’s my faeu self insert (post-turned-fae!)

Faeu is by @/antlered-prince

[petrichorium]

also on my hands and knees dying to know about ur divorce (and perhaps reconciliation maybe…) with sir croc

Firstly I wanna say croc is THE reason for the divorced tier I had everyone in the husband/fiance/bf (and cusp + complicated) tiers I had the list downloaded and then I looked at croc in the husband tier and I was like no. Divorced………

Anyway I think you’re a marriage of convenience at first. Crocodile needs a wife to look more like An Upstanding Citizen Ready To Settle Down for his plans in Alabasta, you need the stability and rapport for your own reasons. A deal was struck (including a nice shiny prenup and an easy way out for both of you), the wedding goes off without a hitch, and now you’re cohabitating.

You’re all but a stranger, truthfully, though he’ll admit you were one of the most beautiful brides he’s seen walking down the aisle. And he finds your presence in his home less distracting than expected—you stay out of his way mostly, though the pair of you eat meals together and sleep in the same bed and you are always expected to be on his arm for formal occasions. You’re more than decent company, slowly warming to him and growing more open; willing to give advice on occasion, even, and it’s good advice he’s prone to heeding.

Which is why he’s blindsided when you drop the papers on his desk. There’s little he can do—they were practically already signed before the wedding, and in the surprise he can’t compose himself enough to think up a proper protest. All he can do is fold his hands together as you turn to leave, clear his throat, and call out, “Might I ask why?”

You shrug. It almost seems sad. “I want something more. You’re a very busy man, I don’t think you can give that to me.”

And those words haunt him, all the more because every trace of you is gone in the span of a few days. He lays in his bed, alone, pondering how much you truly lived in his home and how much he truly had to give you. He thought he made sure you wanted for nothing—but, clearly, that wasn’t the case. And if he’d known you’d be gone in the span of a few years…

In hindsight perhaps he’d been a bit distant. His work took up the vast majority of his time. All those meals were more often than not spent in silence, with Crocodile leaving long before you finished your food; you were often asleep before he came to bed, still slumbering when he woke; he’d arrive to those formal events with you on his arm and part ways almost immediately, drawn to meet with some politician or another and leaving you on your own.

The bed feels empty.

And then he gets a report about Nefertari Vivi. It all goes downhill from there. The empire he spent years building crumbles beneath his feet, toppled by that godforsaken princess and the upstart pirate with a straw hat. And as he’s carted off to Impel Down… he still thinks of you.

It’s perhaps a good thing that you left when you did. In a certain sense it saved you, severing ties with him when you did. But foolishly he wonders about the timing—wonders if it would have happened at all if you’d stayed. Logically he knows the rationale is anything but sound.

Instinctively… whenever he gets out, whatever he intends to do next, he thinks he needs you at his side again.

So when the break-out happens, and Crocodile is given a freedom he’d nearly given up on, the first thing he does is begin to track you down.

It takes more than he thought it would. His web of informants isn’t half of what it once was, and his name no longer pulls as much weight, forced to remain in the shadows as he now is. You, meanwhile, catch onto the mystery person trying to keep tabs on you far too quickly for his liking—flighty thing, never quite setting down roots, quick to flee at the first sign of danger. A trait that has only seemed to worsen in his absence, it seems.

But it’s only a matter of time. He’s Sir Crocodile after all, back from banishment to the depths of the ocean, sure to see the sun again. His men close in on you within a year as he builds up his numbers again, but Crocodile ensures he’s the first to make contact.

He intends to show you immediately how things will be different this time.

You’ve made temporary home on a quaint little island, sharing a house with a little old granny who lets him in eagerly when he presents a bouquet and says it’s for you. There he waits, served tea and biscuits that he doesn’t taste.

And then the door opens. You pause when you see him, eyes wide—donning a breezy sundress you’d never have worn for him in Alabasta, your hair wind-tousled so unlike the meticulous updos he always saw you in, with a basket of produce under arm—and the sight of you has his chest unwinding. It’s like he can breathe again.

Not that he had any intentions to before, but the smell of your familiar perfume steels his resolve to never let you disappear again.

[l3viat8an]

Asmo walking in on MC masturbating whatever will he do 🥴 -💖 

Nsfw!

Imo- Asmo’s going to have some fun ‘n play with you for as long as he can~

Asmo already knows exactly what you’re doing when he walked in. The lust rolling off you in waves feels sooo good already. His eyes slowly taking in your body, stopping between your legs and watching the way you quickly try to cover yourself and giggling, “Don’t stop now, sweetie~” I mean- he’s here to join you ofc!!- But first he wants to watch you cum on your own fingers. So just relax and go back to what you were doing.

It won’t matter what you do. No matter how much you whine ‘n beg for him to just fuck you because this is embarrassing, not even the adorable pout on your face can convince him. Asmo’s self control is honestly so impressive when he’s playing with you~

He grabs the chair from by your desk and puts it by the foot-end of your bed, making sure you can see him and he can see all of you~

Slipping his pants down just enough to pull his cock free, he sits there lazily pumping his hand up and down, rubbing his thumb over the tip and smearing his pre-cum, all slow teasing touches even on himself.

As your moans get louder Asmo smiles at you and says, “sweetheart~ I need to see you come first, before I can touch you. But I promise you, you’ll feel amazing~” the last word trails off in a soft moan as he watches your fingers work at your clit.

This is like a game for him, a simple one to see who can last longer and he knows it’ll be him. He knows you’re going to break down even more, turning into a whimpering mess. it’s obvious because you’re already making those adorable little noise for him. Soft gasps of his name, begging for him, for whatever he’ll give you and he hasn’t even touched you yet-

It’s all going straight to his cock, and yet he’s still confident he’s going to outlast you. After all it always feels even better when he gets to fuck you after a couple of orgasms, although, usually he would have helped you with those-

He thinks he’ll go slow this time, he wants to have you rutting against him with the same desperation you’re grinding against your own hand with….you just have to make yourself cum. Simple <3

[knightslight]

Saw this and knew what I had to do sooo here’s a late night doodle smooches

Rest in peace Hosea you would’ve loved being a Facebook mom

[cowardlybean]

I edit sometimes :3