#i myself don’t do subtext very well so i always make sure no one has to guess how i feel about them

[fingertipsmp3]

I will never understand people who post tiktoks of them being mansplained to in the gym or someplace and they’re just nodding and smiling at the guy or being civil with him.. I’d end up being filmed by some bystander absolutely shrieking my head off as soon as the guy tells me I need to lose 50 pounds or that I’m doing the wrong workout

[dontcallpanic]

Hi my wonderful buddy, I got a little ask for you too along with the one you asked me ( I'm curious about your answer 🫂💗)

What kind of story is your favourite love story?

+ why is it your favorite? what does it tell to you personally?

Hey – I’m so, so sorry this has taken forever. Life, the universe, everything etc.

Thank you so, so much - I really appreciate the ask – and your reply to this question was SO beautiful and just properly perfect in every single way I wanted to actually spend a bit of time thinking about my interpretation. So, sorry, sorry and here we go!

What kind of story is your favourite love story?

This IS a hard one – and it’s kinda nice to have it served back to me actually!

Firstly, I am a terrible person. I am the kind of terrible person who will say ‘I don’t like love stories’ and then about 15 pages into a fic or story or whatever (could be while reading or when I’m actually writing something myself) I will suddenly sit back and go ‘oh shit, it’s a love story.’

So basically I’m a massive liar!

I blame this on growing up in the 90’s when every other romance story was one where a woman has to make a complete fool of herself to get some random guy. (This is NOT a dig at romcoms at all – this is more baby me looking at these examples and going ahhhh I’m not sure about all this love stuff. It seems confusing and I’m not sure I really want to go through that).

So… What convinced my subconscious to fall in love with love stories? Essentially I really liked what you said about the things that at first glance appear not to be about love but then you scratch the surface and it’s there.

I love the kind of stories where the love isn’t the be all and end all – it’s not obviously explicit but it’s there, woven into every glance, gesture, touch, choice of phrase, decision made. I love it when the love story moves from subtext, very slowly into text. I love it when it’s two characters start to grow together and because of that they become more than the sum of their individual parts. I love it when the simple love and presence of the other, enhances their world beyond what they imagined. I love equal dynamics, one way or another. I love to see people fall in love with someone for who they truly are. That total, complete, non-judgemental acceptance is so beautiful and I very much believe that can be true of platonic love as well. I love the kind of story where you can see the evolution and growth of this relationship, where people fall in love almost accidentally.

There’s a few books I’ve read like this, where the love story is there but subtle but honestly, the best examples of this, for me, I’ve found in fanfiction where the time and space can be given over to developing these kinds of relationships without other stuff (real world stuff like strict editing) getting in the way.

If you write fanfiction – doesn’t even have to be this kind of fic – I love you and I am extremely appreciative of all that you do and incredibly thankful that you exist!

All of this, to me, is why I’m glad shipping is a thing! And shout out to the big steamy passionate romance stuff which is always a lot of fun!

Why is it my favourite?

I really like people! I think people are pretty amazing (on the whole). So getting to see two people figuring out how amazing the other one is… seriously it’s like catnip! I love watching the growth, change and evolution of their characters and love feels like the biggest payoff sometimes. The more I think about it, the more I realise how complex and how beautiful love is. I like seeing all the different incarnations and when people write about love, I’m always learning and always seeing something different - someone is always sharing just a bit of themselves, especially when they write about love. That’s pretty stunning and amazing to me.

Personally, in my family history, love has not been modelled as well as it could have, which is just how it goes sometimes, so I was quite sceptical of love growing up. I have my own experiences of how love can be a twisted and bitter thing but I’ve also been fortunate enough to  learn how incredible, warm and beautiful it can be. I love seeing all these themes mirrored in writing and stories so much, especially as each one is so different from the next. I love to see how love can heal (as you put so beautifully) and I suppose, it gives me hope! Hope that there are always lovely people in the world.

______________________________________________________________

Ooft! I am VERY not used to being this romantic in real life, let alone on Tumblr of all things! But thank you for letting me pour my heart out a bit!

@gege-wondering-around You are a TRULY wonderful person, thank you, as ever, for being so damn kind and lovely. You are absolutely one of the nicest people around and you deserve only good things! I will mirror your gorgeous words right back to you: May you always find a place where you feel loved and may you always be surrounded by people who love you. You deserve it. Be kind to yourself, nos da a cariad mawr!

[overlord-of-chaos]

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD GOOD OMENS

(Spoilers ahead for series 2 if you had not already guessed.)

So first of all oh my god. OH MY GOD. I may never recover actually. I’m not sure I want to.

Secondly oh my god. I was expecting something spectacular. And I’ll be damned if Neil Gaiman did not deliver.

(I am writing this in the middle of a field. Well, technically the edge of a field, but it’s right next to another one so it looks like I’m in the middle from a distance. Why am I in a field, you might ask? Because that FUCKING ENDING was so *gesticulates gayly* that I needed to find somewhere to scream at the world. (It’s very cathartic actually I should do it more often.) If anyone nearby is concerned by someone screaming in a field it was probably me. I’m not fine, but I’m not in mortal peril either so no need to disrupt the field screaming. If you own the field and did not want me traipsing through it, I’m terribly sorry I advise you take it up with Mr. Gaiman.)

They kissed they kissed they kissed I mean the ineffable husbands were basically canon from the beginning but I never expected this. (I should know better. I know.)

I tell you what I am loving how many shows/movies at the moment basically seem to be going “gay ‘subtext’? no no darling this gay is text and you cannot argue otherwise” my lil gay heart is delighted actually

And I mean, beyond that… (I’ll come back to it. I’m not done. But I need to give the rest of the plot its due as well.) I’ll admit, I got halfway through episode 5 and thought “how on earth are they going to wrap this up in the space of about an hour? I don’t have any of the answers at all.” I should never have doubted. I know I should never have doubted. But in my defence, who could’ve seen that coming? I hope Gabriel and Beelzebub are very happy together.

Oh, and the opening scene of episode 1? They knew each other when Crowley was an angel? (It does not suit him, but he did make a lovely galaxy.) And then at the very end, Aziraphale offering to make him one again? There’s some poetic symmetry or something in there that I don’t currently have the brain capacity to analyse

(I’m sitting in a tree now, in case anyone was wondering. I bailed on the field because there were humans in it. And by in a tree, I mean it is hollow and I am inside it. I couldn’t climb it even if I wanted to, it’s massive.)

It was worth the wait. It would always have been worth the wait, of course. It would have been worth the wait if it had taken 50 years although I’m not sure my heart would have been able to take the ending by then. And even though I want more already I hope they take all the time they need to make series 3 and make it well. (If they do not series 3 I will riot and given my general worldly (lack of) competence will probably injure myself in the process so they’d better get one.)

Of course no (rant? rave? gay breakdown?) post about Good Omens series 2 would be complete without giving Nina and Maggie my beloved all the respect they deserve. Especially Nina. You tell Crowley. He clearly needed it. You gay meddle right back in Aziraphale and Crowley’s love life, after all, they did gay meddle in yours.

And Aziraphale. Aziraphale. Darling. Angel. Please. Crowley does not want to go to heaven. His communication skills only stretch so far and only when prompted by other meddling gays. You both really need to learn the art of open communication sometime. It will solve a lot of these problems.

Oh, and! And! “I forgive you”? “I forgive you”? “I FORGIVE YOU”? Yeah just go ahead and break my heart as well as his why don’t you??? I have not yet seen what has become of my feed in the last 24ish hours because I had to go straight to writing this down somewhere but I imagine the entire fandom is feral right now OH MY GOD

This was amazing. It was all amazing. Saraqael was amazing. Jim was amazing. I’m struggling to come up with any other adjectives because my brain has been fried clearly

I would go and rewatch it all immediately but I need to form the semblance of a functional human being for this afternoon so I can go out into the world and do things. I will probably have rewatched it before the week is out.

I briefly considered watching this as soon as it came out (midnight UK time, meaning I’d finish at about 5 in the morning. I did this last time. It was an Experience) but decided against it since I had work in the morning. It was a wise decision since there is no way I’d have been able to go the day with no one to talk to about it and finishing it on a Saturday instead gave me the freedom to immediately go scream in a field.

Oh my god. This was one hell of a series. I cannot think coherently about it all I know is that I loved it.

And Neil, if you ever see this: Thank you. For all of it.

[razieltwelve]

Present (Final Rose)

“Hey!” Diana frowned. “Where’s your present, mommy?” Her eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Have you been a bad girl, mommy?”

Fang smiled indulgently and patted Diana on the head. Naturally, the little girl’s proud spikes remained undaunted. “Relax, kiddo. I’m just getting my present a little bit later.”

“Oh. Okay.” Diana smiled sunnily and lifted her box up to place it against her ear. It would have been trivially easy for her to use her Semblance to see through the wrapping, but she had insisted on keeping its contents hidden from herself. “I wonder what you’ll get. I bet it’s something awesome. Grownups always get cool stuff.”

That was probably because grownups usually bought themselves presents.

“I’m sure it will be amazing,” Lightning drawled. “Exactly what your mommy wanted.” Her eyes gleamed. “After all, she has been a very, very good girl this year.”

The subtext went right over Diana’s head. “Yeah. Mommy even eats her vegetables during dinner.”

Averia, however, had no problems reading the subtext. The older girl rolled her eyes and gave her parents a flat look. “I’m sure her present won’t be too noisy either.”

“It’s probably not a death ray then,” Diana said.

“...” Fang raised one eyebrow. “A death ray?”

“Yeah. Aunt Vanille said you should always make death rays noisy, so people know when they’re about to get zapped. It’s more terrifying that way.”

Fang once again wondered what went through her sister’s mind before realising it was probably better if she didn’t know. Honestly, the only one who could really keep up with the weirdness that was Vanille was Lumina. “Kiddo, I don’t need a death ray for a present. I can kind of do the whole death ray thing myself.”

“Hmm.” Diana nodded sagely. “I guess... but a death ray would still be cool.”

“Diana,” Lightning said. “You would tell me if your aunt gave you a death ray, right?”

“Yeah!” Diana grinned. “Of course, I would. Otherwise, I’d get in trouble for using it.” She turned back to Fang. “What do you think your present will be?”

“I can think of a few things.” Fang gave Lightning a speculative look, which the other woman returned with a smile that promised all sorts of wonderful things. Averia, meanwhile, just gave them another look that spoke volumes about how much she wished she was as oblivious as Diana. Heh. Well, Averia would understand one day.

“Anyway,” Lightning said. “How about you and Averia head up to bed? You can open your presents in the morning.”

“Not at midnight?” Diana asked.

“In the morning,” Lightning insisted.

“Midnight is technically in the morning.”

“In the morning, at a normal time.” Lightning took a sip of her hot chocolate. “Diana, I promise your presents will still be under the tree in the morning. Nothing is going to happen to them.”

“I guess...” Diana picked up Strangles and settled him around her neck. “Come on, Strangles. We should go to sleep now.” She looked about furtively and then placed her scroll on the ground next to the Christmas tree. “Scroll: auto-defence mode.”

The scroll flashed once and then began to float in the air. Fang felt the whisper of high-powered sensors activating.

“What does auto-defence mode do?” Fang asked.

“If anyone tries to sneak in and take our presents, they’ll get zapped.” Diana giggled and then gave Averia a hopeful look. “Carry me?”

“You have legs,” Averia said before scooping Diana up and throwing her over her shoulder like a bag of potatoes. Strangles, of course, maintained his grip on Diana without any problems.

“Hey! I meant like a piggyback!”

“You should have said that then,” Averia said. She nodded at Lightning and Fang. “Good night, mom and mommy. See you in the morning.”

X     X     X

Fang awakened to Diana clawing at the bedroom door. Probably the only reason she hadn’t already picked the lock was Lightning’s stern warning to always ask for permission before opening the door. Then again, Averia was there, and the older girl had a knack for keeping Diana out of trouble.

“Mommy!” Diana said. “It’s morning! It’s time to open our presents!”

Fang smirked as Lightning stirred. Oh, she’d already opened her present. She’d opened her present all night long and then some...

“You’re making some kind of idiotic pun in your head right now, aren’t you?” Lightning murmured.

“Yep.” Fang savoured the feel of Lightning against her.

“Is it a pun involving sex and presents?”

“Damn straight.” Fang’s smirk widened. “Although last night was technically my present. What about your present?”

“Is your present to me more sex?”

“It might be.”

“I see.” Lightning smiled. “Well, I won’t say no. I have been a very good girl this year too.”

“Hmm...” Fang leaned forward. “I don’t know. If last night was anything to go by, you’ve been a very, very bad girl...”

They kissed all too briefly before Lightning pulled away.

“We should probably go out there, so the kids can open their presents,” Lightning said. “Yeah. If we keep them waiting any longer, Diana might actually kick down the door.” Fang turned and used her Semblance to see through the door. Diana had indeed made a lunge toward the door only for Averia to grab her. “Or... we could open presents with the kids, eat breakfast, and then go back to bed.”

“That works too.”

X     X     X

Author’s Notes

It’s important to note that Strangles and the animals minions get presents too. As usual, Diana is oblivious about what Lightning and Fang get up to while Averia is not oblivious. Funny how that works out, given Averia’s later obliviousness regarding Elsa.

[spacejellyfish3]

the utena show’s ending is extremely powerful on its own yes but utena’s final apology? to anthy of not being able to be her prince in the end never stuck right with me. and I think that’s cause in a sense it’s still centering the prince as important, as aspirational, that maybe it could have been a better ending for them—that utena could’ve survived if she were her prince. and of course I might be reaching with that possibly probably but I still wanted to air that opinion out (maybe someone else has similar misgivings as I do and can expand on it so there).

but the real problem for me is that show anthy still very much places utena as a savior figure, as her “prince”. while I live for anthy’s savage verbal takedown of akio as a powerless coward trapped in a Sisyphean game of pretend for all eternity but even so she herself is still shown to subscribe to the dogma of the heroic prince. even visually anthy’s idealization of utena is displayed with her dressed in pink. this visual marker is carried over into the movie with anthy’s bridal gown changing from red (which makes sense since anthy is indian coded and an indian bride’s sari is traditionally red) to white and pink, connoting her as utena’s princess.

movie anthy’s placement of utena onto a pedestal of princehood also often extends beyond subtext and into the text itself, a key example being the scene right before utena’s famed car wash makeover where anthy says “you’re the prince of the academy now, every miracle and all eternity is yours…so long as you stay in this world.” anthy believes that you can only exercise power, have power, be happy, be free within the system, and it’s important to note that there is very much truth in that notion but this power I’m referring to is that of self actualization, the power of maturity. yet…utena rejects that noise, she says no, she says fuck that let’s go be free in the outside world.

if the show is about breaking away from the confines of abuse, then the movie is about breaking away from the confines of trauma. it’s extremely powerful when anthy takes the steps out of ohtori; it’s hard even just to find the strength to leave an abusive situation let alone actively do it. but the pain remains, trauma doesn’t disappear it’s haunting it’s ghostly sometimes literally manifesting. both movie utena and anthy are hounded and bound to apparitions they’ve forgotten are actually dead.

touga died years ago sacrificing himself for nothing in the end and became princely an ideal to strive for and utena has to come to grips with that and she basically says no you don’t control me my grief my trauma does not control me thank you for being my prince but I can’t be a prince I don’t want to be it’s not real

anthy is real

I am real

akio is abuse he is torment and toxicity he is anthy’s monster, maybe a monster that she created once upon a time but he chose to perpetuate his monstrosity. and when confronted with his actions he couldn’t face it he hurt her more made it her fault for the hurt he caused her and he died he’s dead he’s gone but he remains in the ground anthy buried him beneath the roses. the rose garden is a prison she is the only one held captive by the roses and it grows up up high up but it’s still there the roses remain he’s still there in her mind and he’ll never leave but he’s not in control. he’s dead, he’s been dead for so long he remains but he’s not real and he’s no prince because the prince was a lie that never existed it’s not real

utena is real

I am real

and they blaze past everything. there are obstacles but there are friends too who aren’t there yet but they’re on the path they’re trying they’re growing they have high goals they want to reach and someday they will but you can now. it’s anthy’s story it’s anthy journey and it’s hard of course it’s hard

but they break free. they break the castle so huge so big so impossible but it wasn’t real

it’s just rose petals flying in the wind

akio doesn’t control her and though it might be so that she and utena can’t make it outside, that they have to continue as princesses stuck in the role that people give them but they don’t have power over them, they’re free and no longer draped in any costume or performance, they’re truth out of her well to shame mankind and that’s fucking awesome. they might not make it, they might fail like the broken down husks of those who came before them, but they can try they’re free to try. they have the power to try. to revolutionize the world. to revolutionize their world.

“the outside world has no roads, but you can always build new roads.”

I binged the entire series and the movie last year around March maybe, sometime right before quarantine…and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, analyzing it, since. I’m pretty sure it radicalized me and honestly I’m glad it did. revolutionary girl utena speaks truth to power and exists as a creative work in a way that I don’t think anything else has or will. it’s fundamentally itself but simultaneously thrives on external interpretation. it’s both an enigma wrapped in a mystery and as obvious and unsubtle as a trainwreck. above is my favorite quote of the entire franchise because it’s so simple but so profound—you could say it’s my equivalent of “what is grief if not love persevering”.

there are no roads to follow, but you’re open to build your own path your own way. no one defines you but you and that’s simple that’s kinda naive but what’s wrong with that. I’m not sure who originally said this or stated this proverb or whatever, I know I read it somewhere but I’m not sure where, and I’m definitely paraphrasing but

adults are so quick to say the world is unfair and be done with it, but a child would look at that and say: why not make it fair? that’s really simple and it’s innocent of course but it’s still true. why can’t we make things fair, because we definitely could it’s not impossible.

I’m not sure how to end this post—I definitely should cause it’s plenty long already—but rgu is highly foundational to me on a visceral level. it’s helped me in ways shifted me in ways I can’t describe and I can’t really imagine myself now existing without its influence. the best way I could describe its impact its power its importance really boils down to

the outside world has no roads, but you can always build new roads.

words to live by.

[simonalkenmayer]

I don’t get the problem. I’ve been here a while and I still can’t figure out why anyone started hate blogging about you or kept it up after they saw you talk. I don’t get what’s happening in their heads. What is their problem?

To be quite blunt, I don't know the answer to that.

There have always been bullies and always will be, and this has been a fascinating way of observing them, but in all honestly, I still don't comprehend what motivates it entirely. As near as I can tell...they're just miserable people.

So here's how it began. Over four years ago, I began seeing comments from the isdead blog in the notes of my posts. They were obviously meant to be passive aggressively pretentious, to get my attention. So one day, I said "oh not him again" or something like that. He replied. After a moment, I went to him privately and explained that i didn't want him to use my pen name in his URL. I gave a list of reasons including his safety. For each one he had an explanation as to why I should be flattered, or why I deserved it. Any objection i raised got explained away in a way that allowed him to justify keeping his brilliant choice of name (he made sure to tell me exactly what he thought it meant over my objection). I said that I might press legal action if he didn't respect my wishes. He didn't care. In fact, he mocked me for it. I let it alone, because an international case of copyright infringement is both difficult to win, and also would out me to the world. But really he was the perfect candidate to study as a bully, because of how he began to behave.

Shortly after this private conversation, he turned his blog into a "critique" of me, though he never actually read any of my published work until just over a year ago, because he "didn't want to give me money" (never mind the books were free). In actuality, his critique of me was to read subtext into literally everything I produced, obtusely misread whole paragraphs, insert emotion where none existed, nitpick my grammar, accuse me of every single thing he could think of over these last nearly five years, and conduct himself as hypocritically as possible. I can't make heads or tales of his reasoning. Frankly, I don't think there is one. He began it on a whim because he didn't like that I asked him to stop, and spent the intervening time building justifications for why he is right to "talk shit". He even went so far as to say I should have known better, when someone sent me explicit sexual content I specifically said I didn't want. He also denied any responsibility he bears for the various things that have been done, like fire starting or sending me poisonous food. I'm sure he's completely blameless, never mind he's made his blog a rallying point for people who are also bullies and have threatened to stalk me on his very blog, in his very ask box. he thinks that because he gave a tacit "Oh don't do that because it's illegal" that means he has no responsibility. I beg to differ, but that is beside the point, because I came to study and online bullying was one I knew I could see with this experimental model. Didn't quite expect it to look like that, but...beggars can't be choosers.

I thought at first they'd figure out they were being studied, but they never did. So finally, when someone else brought it up because they spotted it, I thought to myself, I might as well tell them and see what they do. So I did. I told them. Flat out. "You're being studied as bullies in an online social task-based network." I even gave a small crash course in Group Dynamics and Narcissists within a group who decide to occupy blocking roles. They replied with conjecture that my experiment was fake? Why? Because they can't possibly be the bullies, I suppose. It wasn't a fake.

Essentially, they've accused the owner of this blog of every crime under heaven, including grooming minors, because I once gave a 17 year old advice on how to fill out a FAFSA. If I was one quarter as bad as they've made me out to be after six years on Tumblr trying to find fault with me, then I'd already have been arrested. Yet here i am, actually just sitting here, doing the same thing I've always done, regardless of them and their petulance. The truth is, I've not done a damn thing, and this annoys them, so they have to invent outrage and farm for righteousness. They need me to be a villain they can vanquish, because they know without that tag of righteousness, they're just bullies, targeting someone online, behaving like school children.

It was fascinating and interesting when I was actively studying it, but now it's just flat out stupid and I don't have patience for it. I'm no longer recording their blogs. I'm no longer gathering data on them. I no longer care. So of course they're going to come visit me more than ever and make passive aggressive remarks.

That's what this is. Here's a perfect metaphor: I moved into the neighborhood. Someone saw me, thought I might be "cool" and stole my look. I didn't notice. They decided to get my attention. They'd leave me passive aggressive post it notes on my door about my lawn gnomes. I told them not to come onto my property because it's mine, and they decided this made me satan and spent almost five years looking out their window at my house so they could punish me every time I watered my yard, or painted my trim an odd color. We have the same flags in our yards. We have the same gnomes even, but here this person is, going around gossiping to neighbors, because he's bored and I told him no, so long ago. The ability to sustain and manufacture outrage would be impressive if I wasn't so bored of it.

And let's not even bring up the Tupperware, how it supposedly makes me antisemitic, and why me joking about how fucking ridiculous that is also makes me antisemitic. Or how refusing to call him a fool makes me transphobic. Or that saying I'm studying racism in fiction makes me racist. Or that trying to out-logic a TERF makes me a terf? I can't keep track of any of it anymore. It's all just contortionist nonsense of the cerebrum because they're all petty bullies who need a fix. I'm ableist because I won't TL;DR my private thoughts on my blog. I'm ableist because I asked DID people to tell me what it was like for them so that I could understand it better. It's all just...so stupid. I'm a villain for doing good things. I'm damned whether or not I do.

So...nothing I can do.

There's no fixing them. They have to decide that they want to stop, and they won't do that as long as this endeavor gives them something to feel self-righteous about. I'd argue the world has enough of a supply for them to find a real thing to argue against, but apparently since I represent every bad thing on the earth, I'll do.

I'm not going to apologize for existing. For doing my experiment. For putting out surveys. For studying bullying, or fiction, or viral communication. I won't apologize for getting paid for my work. I won't apologize for being candid. I won't apologize for asking for help, for not knowing everything, for learning as I go. I won't apologize to them for their miserable lives i didn't create, their anger, their self-loathing. I won't apologize for crimes they manufacture whole cloth, or for being more well-liked than them, or having more followers, or a sense of humor and the ability to take things less seriously. I won't apologize for not being as obsessed with them as they are with me, and honestly knowing almost nothing about them. I won't apologize for tracking their IP when they come to my page. I won't apologize for laughing at the things they insist on making so bloody stupid. I won't accept their version of reality, simply because they think they may have spoken to one person who says they knew me and met me once. I won't be called names because they feel entitled to throw them. I am not their property or their entertainment.

This is why I keep telling them to get a hobby or a life. Over and over. And yet here we are still. Years later.

I came here to do a thing. Along the way i found i enjoyed it a bit, and was using it to also do good work. So I decided to stay. I don't know why they're here or what they get out of it. I won't surmise. But I will say, they will never as long as they live admit wrong-doing, even if i show them a dissertation on the model of online bullying they became.

They're always right. I'm always wrong. People who read my blog are misguided cult members who are mentally ill and can't be trusted with money. All the people who follow that blog are noble cause fighters on a quest to kill a savage beast. I mention them bullying me and they're my victims. They bully me and are honorable because of it.

Here's a thought: It's also possible to be right, but still be a bully. It's possible to pick on someone instead of solving a problem you know exists. It's possible to agree with someone in every way, but still behave in an abusive or deconstructionist way. It's possible to be well-intentioned but do the worst possible thing to someone.

Bullying is about YOUR behavior. Not the target's.

Anyway, to get back to the ask...I cannot give you an answer. I don't know why they got this particular bug up their bung holes. I don't know why they've nursed it for so long. I don't know why they don't comprehend layers of identity, or curation of content, or what an experiment actually is. I don't know why they have such a hard on for me, except that I am apparently very sexy.

It's all complete nonsense to me, but I'm sure they're right, I'm wrong, my friends are bastards and somewhere there's a tumblr god who gives a merciless shite.

[andhumanslovedstories]

I’ve been working on this theory lately about my own media consumption that I’ll call representational contrarianism because I’m tickled at giving it a fancy sounding name. And it’s like this: given the choice between media with canonical queer characters and media that has characters you could argue are queer, I’ll default to the latter nine times out of ten.

And it’s like. Why?

(And yeah, this is a post about Supernatural, but it’s not ABOUT Supernatural, you know? Also everything is about Supernatural except Supernatural which is about umm truly who fucking knows.) 

So, for me (and consider that the big disclaimer for this post) queer characters created by queer people either cut too close to the truth, or they’re disappointing. If they’re truthful, then the truth, through the warped lens of my own insecurities and uncertainties, becomes “yes Sarah this is who you are” or “no Sarah you ain’t this.” If they’re disappointing, if I don’t like them or I don’t like the romance or I like some other character better, I feel like I’m letting someone down--not always sure who, just someone, maybe it’s myself, maybe it’s the Community, maybe it’s this fictional person--and further, this becomes another tick in a column labeled “you’re straight and you’ve always been straight, you hurt gay people by thinking otherwise, and also everyone’s laughing at you.” Which is a lot of pressure to put on kindle lesbian romance novels I picked up for $1.99, but that’s what I feel. 

The important thing is, these characters and stories are tests I’m very capable of failing.  

And queer people created by straight people--look, it’s not universally true, but look at the shitty way explicit homosexuality is treated on Supernatural (a joke! flat! background! nothing!) versus the absolutely inadvertent queer-coding they did with Dean, Sam, and Cas. They wrote three distinct queer masculine allegories by complete fucking accident. They couldn’t have done that on purpose. They don’t think gay people are people in the same way that straight people are people. They think that they’re Gay and then a little later that they are people. (And does my hyperfixation on this issue mean that I approach gay characters the same way as shitty straight writers? Hahahahaha shut the fuck up I’m almost in therapy again, this is all on the docket.) 

Queer characters created by queer people are a litmus test, and queer characters created by straight people are pandering. And you don’t really know about the creators that often, and they shouldn’t have to list their identities on the back of the book (although catch me scanning acknowledgements for the words wife, partner, people thanked with love but identified only as an initial, like deciphering how this book might make me feel is a test I can cheat on, but what do you do with a writers room? Memorize the gay ones if you can, cross-reference who wrote what eps?). So I’m comparing myself against these characters (bad choice) in the hopes of learning about myself while also hyperanalyzing these characters in a way that would be insanely unfair to do to a real person (are they Truly Gay? are they Truly Good Representation? if I don’t like them, is it their fault or my fault or their story’s fault or God’s fault or or or or or or or). So I end up evaluating this central question about myself--literally the question Who Am I--against characters (again, a bad choice) that I swivel wildly between believing they are better at being gay than me (because they might have been written by queer people) or are worse at being gay than me (because they might have been written by straight people). 

(I know this is horribly reductive in regards to representation and own voices and good writing. You don’t want to see how long this post was with nuance.) 

And let’s do the ultimate thought experiment: let’s say they did Supernatural good. And now Dean is bisexual! Yay! Canonically! They decide this in season four and he comes out and maybe he always knew or maybe this is all new to him, whatever, it’s all handled fantastically. GLAAD awards for everyone. 

If Dean was gay, canonically gay, if he had what I do not--a cast of writers, a voice of God saying definitely, yes, yes, he is sexually and romantically attracted to multiple genders, he is Canon now, there was an interview in Entertainment Weekly about it and everything--then he is gayer by default than me--no writers, no God, no all hands meeting when everyone nods solemnly and concludes, let’s give the people what they want: this one’s a dyke. And he slips somewhere I can’t follow, into that tantalizing paradise called Certainty, and he learns the gay lingo, and he learns the hidden stereotypes only gay people get to know about other gay people, and he unlocks the Shared History and the Inside Jokes, and he speaks to the other people in the club with the knowledge that all of them deserve to be there because they know that they deserve to be there.  

(Meanwhile, I am not in the club, I am instead down at the courthouse where I get called forward before the Gender Judges who reviewed the emergency application I made in the middle of the night, and they ask, “It says here you want to change your name?” and I say, “Actually no, I thought about it but the idea of being called anything other than Sarah genuinely horrifies me,” and they ask, “But you did say you were considering experimenting with your pronouns?” and I say, “Again, no, I’ve toyed with the thought but the idea of me being referred to as anything other than she/her viscerally disgusts me,” and they ask, “Okay but what is it that horrifies and disgusts you: the thought of being identified as someone you aren’t, or making a fuss about your identity in a way that draws attention to it?” and being unable to come up with an answer, I throw myself out the nearest window and start running, also causing me to miss my scheduled meeting with the Sexuality forum where we were going to litigate whether I was allowed to use dyke like that a paragraph back.)

(We don’t have time to get into gender. Just assume this all applies to gender stuff as well, and we’ll move on.)

But. If he’s not canonically anything, then he is as gay as I make him. In this daydream or that fanfic, we make the subtext text and here is a queer story, a gay story, a story about me as I would like to be seen and would like to be, and when I am done, I spray him off with some windex and wipe him down to factory settings. And then tomorrow there’s a different fantasy where he’s gay in a different way, a nuance, a tweak, a thousand variations on the same basic premise (what if this guy liked guys), and if I don’t like one, it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t stick. It’s a novel written in sand. The appeal is that it’ll wash away. Why should he be any more sure than me? 

Anyway, that’s why queerbaiting is good actually (joke). 

[robininthelabyrinth]

Spilled Pearls

- Chapter 16 - ao3 -

Of course, Wen Ruohan wasn’t the sort of person to leave things to chance: the next time he sent an invitation for Lan Qiren to visit the Nightless City, he sent it straight to Lan Qiren’s father, instead.

“Naturally Qiren will go,” Lan Qiren’s brother said.

Lan Qiren mentally cursed Wen Ruohan’s name, even as he raised his hands and saluted to signify his agreement.

“Very well,” their father agreed, disinterested and toneless. His gaze was more and more distant these days; Lan Qiren suspected that the day his brother became sect leader was growing ever closer.

“I’ll select an appropriate escort, and a gift –”

“No,” Lan Qiren blurted out involuntarily, horrified at the idea of what another gift might trigger in Wen Ruohan’s purportedly competitive soul. “I – that is – I’m not going on behalf of the Lan sect, am I? I’m going in my personal status as his sworn brother. Taking too many people with me or bringing gifts might give the impression that I’m holding myself distant.”

Or something like that.

His brother looked at him for a long moment. “Very well,” he finally said. “Some servants as attendants, rather than a delegation of disciples, and no gift. You’re right; we don’t want to appear sycophantic.”

That hadn’t been what Lan Qiren had said or meant, but he’d take it.

His travel to the Nightless City was uneventful after that, as was his arrival: he made it to the main gate with relatively little fanfare and asked one of the guardsmen which way he should go, having never arrived on his own before. Instructions obtained, he made his way towards one of the side entrances to the Sun Palace. The main entrance was crammed full with petitioners, as always – Wen Ruohan rarely entertained them himself, but he had built up a decent bureaucracy to manage the work of it, which Lan Qiren supposed was necessary given the much higher number of people that were sworn to the Wen sect in comparison with the other sects.

It didn’t occur to him to question the instructions he’d been given until he was shown into one of the sitting rooms – not the one he’d been in before, and the hallways leading up to it were all unfamiliar – and he saw a woman sitting there, waiting for him, instead of Wen Ruohan.

The woman’s face was unfamiliar to him, but her luxurious robes, bone white and heartsblood red, patterned in the particular stylization of the red sun reserved for the highest rank within the Wen sect, as well as a glittering golden tiara dripping with rubies, announced her identity.

As did the pronounced curve of her pregnant belly.

Lan Qiren raised his hands and bowed. “Greetings to Madame Wen.”

He felt strangely uncomfortable, although he could not identify why. He had plenty of experience with pregnant women, so he didn’t think it was that, but there was something distinctly off-putting and surprising about this pregnancy, which Wen Ruohan must have known of but not mentioned during his visit to the Cloud Recesses.

Madame Wen watched indifferently as Lan Qiren saluted her, not stopping him even as he held the bow, and she was a few beats late in waving for him to stand up – her status as the mistress of a Great Sect was well above his as a second son, but it was still a little rude.

“So you’re Lan-er-gongzi,” she said, her eyes scanning him from top to bottom. “My husband’s sworn brother, of which he is so fond.”

Lan Qiren opened his mouth to deny it, but all the usual excuses he’s concocted for himself choked in his throat and dried up on his tongue: every time he’d told himself that Wen Ruohan only meant to irritate Lao Nie or his brother, that it was a political move or a quickly-regretted moment of impulse, that their supposed ‘brotherhood’ was little more than a word –

It was difficult to weigh that against an afternoon wandering through a market, and a room done up in all the ways Lan Qiren liked best.

Be generous. Be grateful. Be loyal.

However it had started, Wen Ruohan had lived up to the brotherhood to which they had sworn.

Do not make assumptions about others.

Lan Qiren had not.

“Sect Leader Wen is forgiving of my faults,” Lan Qiren said, deciding that he would need to do better in the future. No matter the rumors about him, Wen Ruohan had never wronged him personally, and he ought to behave accordingly. “Allow me to express my best wishes for your child.”

It was an ugly and un-poetically blunt sort of well-wishing, and he regretted it the instant he said it; if he hadn’t been so distracted by unwelcome self-revelations, he would have thought of something better.

“A son, they say,” Madame Wen said, watching him as if to see his reaction. Whatever it was she was looking for, she didn’t seem to be getting it; her eyes narrowed in dissatisfaction. “Well, you've got a pretty face, I’ll give you that much.”

Lan Qiren was unperturbed by the comment – his ancestors had always had a taste for beauty – and he didn’t quite understand why she made it sound like an insult. Still, he’d learned from prior mistakes that when someone was complimenting you in a mean tone of voice, it was impolite to respond by saying “you, too”, so instead he just waited patiently for her to get around to making whatever point she had brought him here to make.

“They say that you’re a mediocre swordsman,” she said, and Lan Qiren frowned – he wasn’t talented, no, but mediocre seemed a little harsh. Average would be a better way to describe it. “A good musician, but also stern and aloof. I wonder, what aspects you have to recommend yourself to someone like my husband?”

“Your husband was the one who proposed brotherhood,” Lan Qiren said. He was pretty sure that was the case, though of course he couldn’t be entirely sure; still, he was going to stand on that ground until he heard otherwise. Feeling uncomfortable, he added, “I didn’t think I needed to recommend myself. Has he said something to you about me?”

Madame Wen’s lip curled up in a faint sneer. “He’s barely mentioned you at all.”

That was about as Lan Qiren would have expected, and he nodded in satisfaction.

“At least the rumors regarding your disposition were correct,” she remarked, her expression of dissatisfaction unchanging. “You don’t speak much, do you?”

Do not use frivolous words beat at the inside of Lan Qiren’s mouth, but he’d learned about not sharing the rules every time he thought of them, too, even if it had taken many years to do so. He inclined his head in confirmation instead.

“So cold and distant, like the frost on a distant evening – with a temperament like that, you seem untouchable. One could scarcely bear to lay hands upon you...I do wonder how well someone like you can really play.”

Was he supposed to start boasting about his skills in music? It was well known that personality could affect musical talent, and he was better at the more intellectual and reserved songs, although to his own disquiet he found that he could quite adequately pull of some of the more disturbed songs, the passionate and unrestrained pieces, as well; nevertheless, the type of music did not correlate with quality.

Confused by the line of questioning, Lan Qiren found himself blurting out the first thing that came to mind, which in this case was, “I’m best at guqin and xiao.”

He was pretty sure that wasn’t what she meant, though. He thought he detected dissatisfaction about her, possibly at his inferior answers, and he had the vague sense of what he might call hostility or resentment if she had been some evil creature, but he was, as his fellow disciples liked to remind him, notoriously terrible at understanding emotions.  

“Your talents must be prodigious.” Madame Wen smiled at him, face tight; he must have said something wrong. “You must forgive me my ignorance on the subject. I have no doubt that when you are in the field, it is terribly difficult to compete against you.”

“…I took first place at the music competition at the last discussion conference,” he said. Even if he suspected that she might not be talking about music, he was truly at sea in terms of what she was talking about. “But naturally that was only against my peers.”

Madame Wen’s eyes narrowed in a glare.

Lan Qiren had only meant that there were teachers far more skilled than he, but he had the distinct feeling that he might have accidentally insulted her.

He really wanted to stop having this conversation. Why couldn’t some of the rumors she heard about him have been about how bad he was at picking up subtext? Or, if he was indulging in futile wishes, something about how his cold and monotone voice was simply a characteristic, not a measure of how he felt about someone?

“Prodigious indeed,” she said through gritted teeth. “It seems I should ask for a demonstration of your talents.”

Wait, was that was she was hinting at? It was a little rude to make such a request on their first acquaintance – it made him feel a bit like a hired musician, rather than her husband’s sworn brother – but thinking on it further he didn’t mind. He did intend to be a musician one day, a traveling musical cultivator, and he had never minded playing for people. It was easier than talking to them.

“Is there anything in particular Madame Wen would like to hear?” he asked.

She named a song, fairly common and romantic in nature – at least one variation of the lyrics was crude enough that it saw regular use in brothels, but the tune itself was perfectly ordinary, and he supposed the sort of thing a young woman might enjoy. And after all, Madame Wen couldn’t be more than a half-dozen years older than he was, even if her poise and stature suggested an older woman.

Lan Qiren obediently settled in the spot that Madame Wen directed him to, taking out his guqin and checking it over meticulously to make sure it had made it through the travel without issue.

He had just started to play when there was a sound outside, the door opening; Lan Qiren looked up and saw Wen Ruohan enter the room in with a swirl of white-and-red robes.

He did not look pleased.

Lan Qiren began to stand, intending on saluting, but Wen Ruohan waved a hand at him before he could even start to rise up.

“What is the meaning of this?” he asked his wife instead.

She smiled back at him, her expression seemingly full of meaning: “What do you mean, husband? I heard by chance that your sworn brother had arrived, and I thought to greet him, as any good wife ought to do.”

“Greet,” he said, his lips turned down. “Is that what you call it, when you have your guest play brothel songs for you?”

Technically, the song had been originated in a play –

“He agreed,” Madame Wen said. “But naturally my husband’s happiness is what I care for most. If my husband dislikes it, or think that I have insulted his sworn brother by permitting him to behave like a pretty flower selling favors in the red-light district –”

“Accompanist,” Lan Qiren corrected, and they both turned to stare at him. Their expressions were both quite intense, as if he’d said something wrong. He hesitated, but continued, “My understanding may be flawed, but I thought most brothel singers hired professional musicians to accompany them, so as to better reflect their beauty and increase – ”

“What are you implying?” Madame Wen snapped, and Lan Qiren recoiled a little.

“I didn’t mean – I only – it’s just that I heard –” he stuttered, and Wen Ruohan laughed.

“Perhaps I was too quick to dismiss the comparison,” she said coldly. “The flower appears beautiful from afar, but its thorns still cut deep.”

“My sworn brother is no flower,” Wen Ruohan said, and his eyes were curved; he seemed much calmer now, making the room less fraught. “But rather a pearl unlike any other.”

“Oh yes,” Madame Wen said, and she was sneering outright now. “Naturally you would think so. Who does not know of your – great friendship?”

Lan Qiren wouldn’t go that far. Not even half as far, really. He was just opening his mouth to point out that they barely knew each other, really, but he never got the chance; Madame Wen tossed her head, her tiara of gold and rubies making bell-like sounds, and placed her hand on her belly.

“I will retire,” she announced. “I would not dream of intruding in the time that you two wish to share. Perhaps he can play for us at dinner, if it is not too much of an imposition on his time.”

Wen Ruohan merely stepped aside and allowed her to go, saying nothing.

Truly, Lan Qiren thought to himself, the rumors must have misjudged Wen Ruohan – surely if he were as cruel and ruthless as all that, he wouldn’t have taken such insolence without raising a response.

“Forgive me,” he said, and Wen Ruohan looked at him.

“For what?” he asked, his habitual equanimity returned to him. “You did nothing.”

“She doesn’t seem to like me,” Lan Qiren said, bowing his head. “I’m not sure what it was that I did to cause it, but it was not my intent to cause trouble.”

Especially the sort of trouble he’d been specifically instructed to avoid, he thought, a little miserably; he remembered now all the admonitions of how, brothers or no brothers, oath or no oath, no man would want to anger the woman who bore him sons.

“Think nothing of it,” Wen Ruohan said, and when Lan Qiren stole a glance he did not in fact seem upset. “It is the early growing pains of marriage, little more, and worsened by her current condition. I was clear enough when we started out, promising her respect, power, sons, and even freedom, yet she can’t stop herself from scheming for more...truly well-suited to be my wife, provided she learns not to go too far.”

Lan Qiren did not understand.

Wen Ruohan noticed, and chuckled. “Do not concern yourself with it. You are not the object of her grudge, merely a convenient target.”

“She seemed to be fairly deliberately aimed to me,” Lan Qiren said doubtfully.

“Mm. Which of us has experience being married, again..?”

Lan Qiren ducked his head back down, conceding the point, and then, with an effort, shook his head to clear it of cobwebs and smiled at his sworn brother. “Well, you wanted me to come to visit you, da-ge, and here I am,” he said. “I look forward to the opportunity to spend more time with you.”

Wen Ruohan seemed oddly taken aback, almost more surprised by Lan Qiren’s sincerity than by his wife’s tricks and sarcasm, and it took several moments of staring before he finally responded with a simple nod. “I look forward as well.”

“I find we have not had time to get to know each other without a third party acting as a medium,” Lan Qiren continued. “Would you like to play a game or two of weiqi? I’m not…especially good at social interaction, getting to know people, but I’m sure I can manage to lose a game with some grace.”

Wen Ruohan had started smiling. “You assume you’ll lose?”

“I assume you have slightly more experience than me, yes. I’m decently skilled, but I prefer to spend my time on music…I really am happy to play for you and Madame Wen after dinner, if you’d like. A good life requires a happy home, and I can’t even imagine how difficult bearing children must be; I’m happy to accede to her request. Anyway, I enjoy playing.”

“I would be happy to hear that piece you played at the discussion conference once more,” Wen Ruohan said. “Though if you’re acceding to her request, I note – after dinner?”

“Well, naturally,” Lan Qiren said, puzzled. “I assumed she had misspoken. I mean, I’m your guest, aren’t I? Only hired musicians play at dinner instead of eating. If she really wanted music with her dinner, she would need to pay me.”

Wait, that sounded wrong.

“Not that I’d accept,” he added quickly. “I wouldn’t disrespect your hospitality in such a way.”

Wen Ruohan was grinning. “Indeed,” he drawled. “Undoubtedly she misspoke…it’s been rather a long while since I’ve played weiqi, but I think I’ll still be able to manage to trounce you. Let’s go find out.”

Lan Qiren gathered up his guqin and followed Wen Ruohan to the door.

“Oh, and little Lan?” Wen Ruohan said as they walked out into the hallway, his voice casual and indolent. “There’s no need for you to spend much time with my wife while you’re here. I wouldn’t want her to suffer too much stress, given the child.”

Lan Qiren didn’t entirely understand the request, but he nodded gamely. “I’ll avoid her when she’s not with you,” he offered, and felt pleased when Wen Ruohan nodded in satisfied acknowledgement. “I don’t want to cause her any more concern.”

“Good,” Wen Ruohan said, opening the door to another room – his bedroom, Lan Qiren thought as he spotted the familiar set of six treasure swords on the wall. There was a table there that would work well for a game of weiqi, and Lan Qiren supposed it made sense for Wen Ruohan to want to be comfortable while at home. They were brothers, after all… “I’ll have the servants set out the game. Shall we walk in the garden in the meantime?”

“That sounds good,” Lan Qiren agreed, then looked down at his guqin. “I should put away my things, if the room I’m in is not too far? I really didn’t have an opportunity…”

“Your room is just down the hall,” Wen Ruohan said. “You’re family now, aren’t you?”

Lan Qiren smiled.

Maybe this will work out after all, he thought.

[chemicalpink]

JK's Birth time analysis

First and foremost, I’m just doing this to occupy my mind in something else while I go through some stuff, I will continue to use the general consensus of the community for my astrology readings, I’m just doing this for fun, remember that we as fans are in no way entitled to know JK’s exact birth time, these are just fun educated guesses on some alternative that has arisen.

Now, I must say, when I first started the astro part of my bts blog I immediately thought 1 pm for JK’s birth time, I don’t have any factual backup on this one, I’ve talked about it before, I am kind of a human tarot deck lmao things sometimes just come to me. So I started roaming around and I found that JK’s libra rising made sense to me, and it was a general consensus for his readings so I said sure let's go. You know that I endorse and adore having conversations with you guys, my craft isn’t perfect and no one else's is so it is great to hear every opinion to forge our own judgement. I do only present to you information that I can back up, which is why as much as I’d love to I won’t be taking into consideration my own personal hunch on the info I’m about to present you, although you can read it as subtext when it is in italics like this hello this is an inner thought of marinette’s.

SO the big deal: Is JK a libra rising or is JK a sagittarius rising? General consensus says 8:04 am as speculated time of birth, some others say 1-2 pm.

Either way, JK’s sect remains nocturnal so there’s not much to go from there.

When it comes to appearances, I’ll update what I said before.

Libra rising appearance:

Very youthful look that it seems like you don’t even age

Gentle smile

Charming demeanour that makes people obsessed with you

Very symmetrical features

Fit body

Contagious smile

Put together look/ clean look

Dimples

Dark hair and dark eyes

Tall

Oval/Round face

Think Harry Styles, Beyoncé, Niall, Britney Spears

Sagittarius rising appearance:

Bulky thighs

Horse like face

Big forehead

Incredibly tall or more than average tall

Gain weight easily

Not really athletic

Pretty full lips

Think Kim Kardashian, Elvis, Jennifer Lawrence, Paris Hilton

Evidently, other aspects in astrology and genetics can alter these, but it is mostly true.

Now, I am not that well versed in vedic astrology since I stopped studying it due to lack of time BUT the infamous thread that looks into the possibility of JK being a sag rising is pretty elaborate, although it does run more on intuitive processes and symbolism, which are of course, valid, and it really is up to both the analyst and the ones reading the analysis to determine the weight of it. My craft is more oriented towards intersectionality so I don’t like to go by what we are able to see about him as an axis, more like confirmation about it. Idk if it makes sense. I just don't trust seemingly scripted content that much to run my analysis based on it. Everything mentioned about JK Jyestha makes sense when looking at the content presented, and it will make even more sense once we take a look at some other non western astrology systems. Again, I am not well versed in vedic astrology so right off the bat I would fight the conversion system rather than the information presented.

Regarding that thread, some of the keywords used to conclude JK’s Jyestha are as follows:

King, Winning, Ambitious, Passionate, Skillful, Eldest, 1st, Seniority, Expertise, Sensory indulgence, Celebration, Bravery, Heroic, Dragon Slayer, Warrior, Rain, Thunder, Umbrella, Protector, Provider, Scandalous, Impulsive, Bunny, Deer, Earring, Eye.

In western astrology, a general comparison on placements would look something like this.

Sun in 8° 33' Virgo

Moon in 27° 20' Leo

Mercury in 7° 49' Virgo (r)

Venus in 16° 58' Libra

Mars in 11° 7' Scorpio

Jupiter in 14° 15' Aquarius (r)

Saturn in 19° 35' Aries (r)

Uranus in 5° 28' Aquarius (r)

Neptune in 27° 33' Capricorn (r)

Pluto in 2° 55' Sagittarius

North Node in 20° 11' Virgo (r)

Chiron in 29° 45' Libra

Ascendant in 4° 20' Libra

MC in 4° 46' Cancer

1st House starts at 4° Libra

2nd House starts at 1° Scorpio

3rd House starts at 2° Sagittarius

4th House starts at 4° Capricorn

5th House starts at 7° Aquarius

6th House starts at 7° Pisces

7th House starts at 4° Aries

8th House starts at 1° Taurus

9th House starts at 2° Gemini

10th House starts at 4° Cancer

11th House starts at 7° Leo

12th House starts at 7° Virgo

In here, the main aspect I can relate JK to is Cancer MC, MC represents your public self, as well as the success level you might experience. Cancer MC is all about taking care of others, yet it can also point towards a career in arts, especifically singing and writing, it also indicates a strong possibility of psychic abilities which have been widely discussed in JK with his readings and such all while having the main troubles of being an impatient person and sometimes getting self conscious which we have heard him say before when he refers to himself knowing how to do stuff yet he doesn’t think he’s good at any of them, or his letters to himself about having to love himself more.

Another pretty JK thing I’ve noticed is his Virgo Stellium in the 12th House, which shows struggles with identity JK has, once again, being vocal about him growing up within BTS and how that has shaped him and how he has constantly been looking for himself. They often absorb the struggles of people around them. Does anyone else remember him saying he’s okay as long as his hyungs are okay? Also, singing and dancing are very powerful manifestation tools for these people huh maybe that’s why he writes and sings love songs. This aspect also indicates him having the potential to amass a large amount of wealth, some astrologers think about this stellium as an extremely karmic one, which can be translated into the whole JK’s soulmate narrative.

When it comes to his 5th house, it indicates him being a hell of a creative person, especially in a somewhat rebellious sense which I interpret as him getting a sleeve tattoo It also talks about not being traditional in relationships which I believe has come out a few times in his tarot readings.

With Sag rising, his chart would look something like this:

Sun in 8° 45' Virgo

Moon in 29° 46' Leo

Mercury in 7° 37' Virgo (r)

Venus in 17° 12' Libra

Mars in 11° 15' Scorpio

Jupiter in 14° 13' Aquarius (r)

Saturn in 19° 35' Aries (r)

Uranus in 5° 27' Aquarius (r)

Neptune in 27° 33' Capricorn (r)

Pluto in 2° 55' Sagittarius

North Node in 20° 10' Virgo (r)

Chiron in 29° 46' Libra

Ascendant in 5° 28' Sagittarius

MC in 18° 28' Virgo

1st House starts at 5° Sagittarius

2nd House starts at 7° Capricorn

3rd House starts at 12° Aquarius

4th House starts at 18° Pisces

5th House starts at 19° Aries

6th House starts at 14° Taurus

7th House starts at 5° Gemini

8th House starts at 7° Cancer

9th House starts at 12° Leo

10th House starts at 18° Virgo

11th House starts at 19° Libra

12th House starts at 14° Scorpio

In this case, his MC is in Virgo, it mainly indicates a tactful and slow success in someone’s career, these MC Virgo people are often regarded as overly responsible and as people that like to get recognised as people to whom nothing is hard enough for them to call it quits. While they openly seek perfection which ofc JK has always talked about improving himself they often love to do the stuff that others despise to do like countinc, calculating and organising.

Evidently there's no 12th House stellium, he would have a 9th House Leo stellium, which is most of the times noticeable at first glance, the moment these people open their mouths, everything is just extraordinaire, there’s a longing to be loved and to be admired in this aspect. They’re inspirational people to be around which JK is, if I remember the members saying that they get inspired when watching him make efforts. They’re also overly curious about stuff around them big doe eyes anyone?

In this case he would have a 5th House aries, meaning that there’s a need to be physically active and being creative on top of that which I mean does check out. They do tend to be openly superficial people and big-headed when they are in a successful position tho.

So okay, let’s talk native astrology, JK’s Tzolkin is Tz’i-Oc, noted by their need of freedom and less traditional relationships, they work tirelessly and have an innate ability to be successful and accumulate a lot of wealth once again, JK’s position in BTS shows up HE’s in a basic need of having a strong foundation, which he will not like to lead but more take the role of a caregiver that can easily turn into the one receiving care. Here’s the thing, there are a lot of Libra themes in his Day Sign and his Trecana Sign, both of them talking about justice, fairness, helpfulness, as well as him being a nomad which I interpret as having a libra/virgo mix that is really hard to miss Now, this is where it gets funny, His galactic tone is 4, which while it talks about balance and calmness and tranquility libra like it also is represented by a warrior, which is part of the twitter thread as one of the symbolisms to think about sag rising

Last but not least, JK’s bazi, since his contextual situation is leaning more towards it. I did a comparion and it caught my eye the next part:

One of the widely talked about symbols in the sag rising thread is the element of water being consistent with JK, and in his bazi, ¾ Na Yin, the element of water came out, however, they came out when his birth time is 08:04 am.

In his 08:04 bazi, some keywords are:

virtue

star

travel

In his 13:00 bazi, some keywords are:

monetary loss

star of arts

heavenly doctor

So really it all boils down to: we do readings for fun, craft is personal and completely valid in any form as long as we aren’t hurting anyone. We do not know his actual birth time and we actually might never know it, each astrologer is free to work with the birth time they consider the best fitting unless a specific time is given. I myself, see a libra rising fitting, perhaps if we were to trial and error it, some other might come out but honestly, these readings are a hobby and while I dedicate myself to my craft, I certainly don’t have the time that it would require to analyze each placement so I can see for myself which I find the best fitting out of 12 signs. But hey, this was a fun educational opportunity to dive into other practices.

[erricdraven]

i'm really intrigued by your s6 spuffy thoughts can you talk more about what you mentioned in your tags???

lol yeah i really lost my entire mind in the tags oops

but sure, i'm happy to talk more about it. it's the one hang up i have about the show that i still have yet to make peace with and honestly don't think i ever will. i really respect now as i've gotten older how characters challenge us to think from new perspectives, and buffy has always been a character that challenges me in a few specific areas. when it comes to buffy and spike, i'm immediately predisposed to empathize with spike when i comes to the way he's treated regarding his feelings because i'm very much a heart-on-my-sleeve, all in person with love myself, and so it's a really hard thing for me to consume something so personally difficult in media i enjoy. i also feel like i need to preface this by saying that at the root of all my thoughts about what their s6 arc is, i believe they are both in the wrong in certain aspects. i'm not saying that spike has done nothing wrong and buffy is the one making all the bad choices and saying all the bad things.

so, with all that said--

the best way i can think to pinpoint why i'm really bothered by buffy's part in their issues can be summed up in the scene in entropy (?) where buffy accuses spike of spying on her on the grounds that she believes that's well within his character to violate her privacy and life like that, and with all the things she lists that he does (lie, cheat, steal, manipulate), he says "i don't hurt you." that interaction really highlights how the power dynamic is really fucked up and skewed for buffy to use to take advantage of. she knows that spike loves her (and though she's really resistant to acknowledging he really does love her, she believes that he believes that he loves her) and has repeatedly acknowledged outright and acted on the fact that he wants to spare her pain in any way that he can. he wants to protect her from getting hurt and if he can't, he wants to comfort her and try to make it better. granted, sometimes his solutions aren't conducive for her, but the intention (which is really important!!) is always to help her and support her.

with this in mind, i think that is why i have such a hard time with s6 buffy. i've yet to get to a point where i can feel comfortable watching her relationship with spike in this season because of how tremendously cruel she is. i understand that she's in serious pain and she feels horrified at herself for wanting to engage in this dark twisted thing with him, but at its heart, i feel like the thing that makes it dark and twisted, given that she knows that he loves her and that sex with him means something, is that she has backed him into a corner by setting a boundary of "i can only accept this so long as it hurts us". as soon as she starts facing her feelings, she can't bear to let him in anymore. we see at the start of s6 that the dynamic between them is something very sweet and gentle and kind. spike is careful and kind and supportive of her as she tries to feel out how to live in the world again. he's understanding of her circumstances (empathizing with the pain and trauma of having to claw your way out of your grave), he kept his promise to care for dawn without any thought of reward (and continues to from then on out), she admits that when she wants to be alone, she still feels most at peace when she's alone with him, and she seeks his input and advice on how to try to figure out the things that she feels like she's way over her head about ("so what do you know about finances?").

people are fallible and characters aren't meant to be perfect, and i believe that's really how writing should be, but this is something i feel like is much more complex than just a flawed character in the throes of an extended major depressive episode. we don't really see any genuine remorse from her directed at spike for how she has treated him even when she admits her disgust with herself for how she was taking advantage of him. when we see buffy fall apart to tara in devastation at the person she's become, i feel like what we're seeing is just an overwhelming amount of self-hatred at what she sees when she looks at herself. it feels like very...self-focused shame, like people who are disgusted at the realization that someone sees and classifies them as a bad person. we recoil from that moniker because we know it's wrong, and that's what we see in buffy. she hates that she's "a bad person", but what feels really lacking for me is the self-awareness to then turn that self-focused shame into a more... i don't know, i hate to call it this, but altruistic shame at the way she has been hurting spike purposefully. taking responsibility for her cruelty i feel like should have looked like her bearing the burden of her shame about her actions, accepting the discomfort of having to humble herself and hold it and say 'yeah, this is mine.' all throughout s6 in particular, spike is consistently the bad guy in every equation when it comes to his relationship with buffy, and that has always felt wrong to me, like a huge disservice to the story and his character. is he a bad guy broadly speaking? yeah, he's more villain than hero for sure. but is he the bad guy in their relationship? i'd argue no, he's not, and we never really get catharsis for that!!

especially with spike having his soul in s7, the tumultuous and abusive dynamic of their relationship in the previous season is treated as something they can just look back at and say "oh well we can move on now and be good and okay because we're never going back there again" even though buffy never apologizes to him for what she did to him and acknowledges it was wrong by taking that responsibility. it's always framed as buffy's stance being "sex is bad and dirty, and engaging in "dark" sex with you was bad so we'll never do it again." i tried to hunt it down and couldn't find it, but @chasingfictions made an amazing post that really struck me, talking about how, while the idea of the soul being a determination of good and a lack of soul being a determination of evil is a bit too simplistic and unsatisfying in the debate of good vs evil, spike's pursuit of a soul and actually getting it all on his own so that he could be a better man to the woman he loves and the world she risks her life every day to protect is so powerful and beautiful. the fact that in the show's canon, no one that becomes soulless has ever sought out getting their soul back, and no only does he get it back, he wins it back!! he fought to have it as a step towards being better, and that intention of choosing to be better means so fucking much! and he made that choice to take an action of good without the soul in question, after having, on many occasions, acted contrary to his nature to be better.

the writing leads us to a point where we support spike's pursuit of redemption and are moved by it, but to me, i think buffy should have been driven to seek her own redemption too. without it, i personally feel a very pervasive sense that catharsis for everything they went through in s6 was never really achieved.

in conclusion (lmao)... everyone interprets text/subtext differently, and that's absolutely okay, so i'm not saying that this is the only right interpretation of things! but for me, after spending a really long time trying to reconcile this discomfort i feel with buffy's character and not being able to get there, this is where i've landed.

[jenxwp]

This is a bit of a different post to what I normally do, but this is something I have been thinking about a lot today so I have decided to write it down while I’m supposed to be doing actual ‘work’ at work...

A bit of a stream-of-consciousness as such, but for the last few weeks, all my random off the shelf Xena DVD picks have been from season 1, and it has led me to ask this question:

Why does season 1 hold such a special place to me?  And why, even now am I so drawn to it? 

It’s different to the other seasons- the show is still just finding its feet, the characters are still establishing themselves, and we really are just beginning our journey. We aren’t into the great comedies or the heart-wrenchers just yet. The subtext is still very much on the back foot. So why? Why does season 1 hold such a firm spot in my heart? 

I think I may have worked it out. 

All the episodes in season 1 hold such deep hearted lessons that you just didn’t see on television at the time, and often you still don’t today. Lessons about self-belief, discovering who you are, and just the morality of life. As a little girl growing up, it was just what I needed to hear and be taught. And re-watching them now as an adult, it helps solidify who I am and who I want to be. With all the craziness of life, season 1 grounds me. 

It all begins with Sins of the Past, and as someone who has had to stop, look around and then begin life again from the ground up, this speaks to me more now as an adult than it ever did. If I hadn’t had it ingrained into me as a child that it’s okay to accept the past and begin again, I probably would not be who I am today. In fact, I probably wouldn’t be here today. Is it lame to say that Xena saved my life? She gave me the strength to walk away and start again. 

Even episodes that I would definitely not classify as a favourite, like Chariots of War, still have a deep rooted message. It shows that we all have a path, and although that path often isn’t easy, its ours and we need to walk it. 

Who can forget the beautiful Dreamworker, when we learn that the past will always be a part of us and will impact on our decisions, but it doesn’t have to define us. We are the makers of who we are and we can use the past as a strength to propel us forward. 

The Reckoning. Of course this is the monumental debut of the incredible Kevin Smith, but the episode really is about accountability, taking ownership of yourself and your actions, and accepting the consequences of that. Xena really is the embodiment of that concept and she has the strength to face the consequences of her choices regardless of what they will be. 

“If I run now, I will be running forever.”

Episodes like Death in Chains, we always think of as Gabrielle’s boyfriend-of-the-week and the one where Lucy got covered in rats, but at the heart of it, its about the acceptance of losing the ones we love and understanding our own mortality. 

“You shouldn’t fear it. I did for the longest time. But now my suffering has grown so real and deep. Now I know, death can be a friend- a resting place.”

“Don’t you see? It’s not how long you live that matters. Its how well you live.”

In The Black Wolf, we actually learn through Flora and the story of the oak tree to have self faith. Whether you have suffered from a lack of confidence in your life or not, having belief in yourself can often be one of the hardest things to do. The story itself is heart breaking- a little girl reaching up in hope, but each time Xena pulls her hand away.

“I fell for it every time.”

“You told me to have faith.. and I always thought you meant to have faith in you. But it was me you were talking about, wasn’t it?”

It is a tough lesson.

Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts. It’s a subtle one, but you tell me what young impressionable female (or ANYONE for that matter) doesn’t need to hear at the end of the episode from Helen, a woman who has been objectified and treated as the beautiful subservient object of every man who has ever claimed to love her:

Helen- “you showed me that the only person that can make me happy- is me.” Xena- “you’re welcome. What’s next for you?” Helen- “I don’t know. But for the first time- its my decision.”

This exchange should be shouted from the roof tops to anyone who needs to hear it. So if you haven’t been told today- you can do anything and be anything. 

I really could go on about this and I might look at more of these episodes at a later date; but this really is just ad-hock musings while I’m procrastinating at work. So I am going to jump forward to The Greater Good. 

Oh boy, I think we all have to agree that The Greater Good is something else that we definitely did not deserve on our televisions. It’s just beautiful storytelling with such a depth of emotions that are both on display through the characters and a depth of emotion that it invokes in me. We have gone on this journey with Xena and learnt so many lessons alongside Gabrielle and this really is the first time she has had to demonstrate what she has learnt without the support of Xena. It’s hard. Its raw. And its beautiful. The concept of The Greater Good is the beginning of a theme that becomes a foundational stone that runs through the course of the entire show. As the concept grows, we discover there are so many levels to it- humility, our place in the world, the value of life, and the nature of humanity itself. But this, right here, The Greater Good is the beginning of it all. Along with Gabrielle, we have to endure that penultimate lesson and the seriousness and sacrifice of what may eventually come to be. 

You tell me any Xenite that hasn't found solace in the phrase ‘its for the greater good’ when faced with struggles in their personal life. Whether that be said in seriousness or in jest- we have all said it and it has brought comfort. We have Xena to thank for ingraining that concept into us. 

This ‘campy and lame’ show has created the bedrock for who I am. For who I want to be. And because of it, I am proud of who I am. I have made mistakes and done stupid things (and I am sure I will make many more in the future!), but that's okay. 

The lessons in season one aren’t easy. They are hard and full of hurt. They are not something you understand after watching the show once. Its those of us that have watched the episodes countless times. I hope you understand me. You just ‘get it’ right? 

So this is why. This is why when I am a little bit deflated, misdirected or demoralised in life I am drawn to season 1. This is where I can refill my cup, recentre myself, then take on the world. 

So yes, the episodes are a bit rough. Bit cheesy. But they are just heart. 

heart heart heart. 

I also taught myself how to make gifs today, so you can see I had a really productive work day. 

[norahastuff]

Why do I love Cas’ arc but am so profoundly frustrated with it at the same time? Well from my understanding, for Cas’ arc, there was a 3 pronged resolution that needed to happen - that the show had set up to happen:

1) Cas’ guilt over all the damage he’d inflicted on heaven 

It’s been a running theme for years that all the angels hated him and felt like he had destroyed heaven and had abandoned them, not to mention all the rumours that flew around about his relationship with Dean (that they perhaps knew each other in the biblical sense - that’s barely even subtext, it’s just what all the angels and demons assumed.) That’s not something Cas every wanted, to be hated by his own kind, but I think what truly shook him to his core was his conversation with Naomi in 13x19 (a phenomenal scene by the way, maybe my favourite of the entire season) where he discovered that there were just nine angels left in heaven. Cas was devastated, and from that moment on it was clear that whatever else happened, Cas would have to play some role in restoring heaven. 

Now technically he did get to do that. That’s something right? Yeah sure...a 10 year arc that’s always been one of the primary conflicts for Cas as a character, that’s driven so much of his story, affected his relationships with Sam and Dean in very significant ways, a conflict that was very clearly being set up to be resolved as part of Cas’ character arc in a very tangible way since 13x19, was wrapped up with a two word acknowledgement: 

“Cas helped.”

So yes, that part of his arc was addressed but it was so thoroughly unsatisfying and not given any sort of narrative weight, it almost feels insulting. Those two words are the only allusion to Cas having any kind of agency or being a real character that existed on this show for 12 years. He deserved more than those two words.

2) Cas understands the power of love

Oh boy this one. Well we all know about this one. Bobo did a phenomenal job with this. As did Meredith Glynn, it’s her and Bobo who have been setting this up since s14 at the latest (if we’re talking about when I think they started pushing for an explicitly textual love story) but in my estimation since s12. You can disagree with me if you like but I’m just going to yell “mixtape” at you and run away. Anyway I’ve rambled about this enough in the past so instead of writing another 600 words on it I’ll just link to the last time I did that. The main point is to look at how much Cas had changed over these 12 years. His run on the show may have ended like it started, saving Dean Winchester, but Cas most certainly did not end up the same being that he was when he started. All those years ago he saved Dean for duty, this time he did it for and with love. The power the simple act of loving another person could have? The power in allowing yourself to fully feel it? Nobody understood that better than Cas.

This was satisfying. This made sense.

3) Cas gets to hear that he’s loved

And then we get to part three. How long have they been setting up this particular plot point for? How far back do I have to go? Ok to be fair, let’s stick to the Dabb era. How about when Cas told the entire Winchester family that he loved them? When Dean gave him a mixtape that Cas sort of kind of maybe but not quite recognised the significance of? When The Empty told him it knew who he loved and how there was nothing for him there? When Dean lost all ability to function without him and Cas knew nothing about it? When Cas wonders why he was brought back and Dean tells him it was because “we needed you back” and Cas concludes that he was brought back to prepare for war...when the truth was that Cas was brought back purely because of love? He was brought back because of Dean’s love, because of Jack’s love, but that’s something Cas is never made aware of. How about when Michael in Dean’s body tells him that Dean doesn’t care about him and only tolerates him because he feels he owes him for saving him from hell? Or when Michael continues to twist the knife and talk about how all Cas has done since then is make mistake after mistake? Or when in a moment of anger Dean says the same thing? And I don’t think I’ll ever forget when Jack says he know Cas loves him and he wants to love him back but he can’t, and Cas responds with “You can’t yet.” Did none of that feel like it was setting something up? 

Cas’ arc wasn’t just to learn that he could love without expecting anything in return, it was also to learn that he was loved without being expected to do anything for that love. He was loved for him. He wasn’t just needed, he was wanted. 

Cas got to resolve 1/3 of the main story threads that were set up for him, 1.5 if I’m being generous about point #1, which is still a hell of a lot more than any of the other characters, but it’s a far cry from being in any way satisfying. There’s definitely a point to be made about how by not letting Cas hear/learn that he was loved and valued (explicitly romantic or not) they did a true disservice to Dean and who he was a character and how deeply we know, and have been repeatedly been hit over the head with, he feels for Cas, but that point has been made many times in the past few weeks so I’ll just leave it at that.

Anyway, I know I’ve been contradicting myself since the finale about how I feel about how Cas’ story ended, so I figured it was worth it just to put it all together in one post to kind of make sense of it all.

[tearblossom]

Orbital Station Scene Analysis: Part 3

Lmao here we go again. Ready to fall even deeper down the rabbit hole that is this scene with me!? This one scene functions simultaneously as my source of joy and depression and I watch it more than I would care to admit. So, naturally, I have even more to say about it! It’s going to be long. Sorry.

Part 1- https://tearblossom.tumblr.com/post/645095661644251136/scene-analysis-this-is-just-what-i-personally-feel

Part 2- https://tearblossom.tumblr.com/post/645776311115186176/i-was-thinking-some-more-about-the-final-scene

In this one, I’ll be going into more detail explaining the emotional mask that I believe Takemura is trying so desperately to keep on during this scene (and undeniably fails at several times, with it coming off entirely upon the scene reaching a certain pivotal moment) and also pointing out the instances that I feel the mask slips occur. Honestly, it’s pretty easy to tell for reasons that I will explain. I’m going to reiterate the fact that I am not a facial expression/body language expert. This is just one human being looking at another human being and trying to figure them out. This is just my personal interpretation of this scene. Prepare yourself for many, many screenshots and gifs. Also, I will be using the same video sources as the other two posts because I don’t have my own footage. 

https://youtu.be/ra-Ij1KU8r4

https://youtu.be/PUmQqVOq5oY

I failed to mention before the reason that Takemura even had to put up the cruel facade in the first place because I didn’t want to state the obvious and insult everyone’s intelligence. We all know the reason but I’ll just say it here anyway: Arasaka. 

Arasaka is listening to Takemura’s every word so he literally cannot say shit to V that would hint at any sort of affection for him/her and absolutely nothing that would indicate any growing uncertainty in said corporation. Words mean nothing here. He has to speak through his eyes and expressions because that is all he has to offer, the only cards he has to play. That is why the meaning of this scene can be so easily missed and flies over so many people’s heads. I do not fault anyone that may have missed this on a first playthrough or even those that are still unaware of it whatsoever because Takemura is very, very convincing at first (his face becomes an open book once the contract gets brought out but we’ll get into that later) and besides, to truly understand something that involves emotions as complex as these caused by equally as complex reasons or anything involving subtext really, takes multiple viewings to truly appreciate.

In summary, what I believe is happening here is that during the entire scene up until the contract gets brought out, his mental state is constantly teetering on the edge of a cliff so to speak. He is trying so hard to fight his sentimentality and control his emotional responses not only to V’s misery and pain but also his own wavering faith in Arasaka because they are watching, listening, and monitoring. And he succeeds extremely well at first but it gets harder and harder for him to maintain the mask. The closer he physically gets to V, the harder it is to pretend, to hide. His eyes alone betray him on several occasions but eventually the whole facade just crumbles and he falls. And when the contract comes into play is when he truly, honestly looks at V and the communication through his eyes really begins.

Here is the key thing- it is the most important visual clue to understanding when things happen: When Takemura is feeling any doubt or his emotions begin to overwhelm him or he fears that they might, he promptly averts his eyes to get himself under control and readjusts the mask that has slipped. 

He looks away from V during these moments!

(Just to clarify, I don’t think that every single moment in the scene that he looks away from V has this deeper meaning behind it. When people talk it’s completely natural for them to turn their heads, avert their eyes to look at other things, etc. These are just some moments that particularly stood out to me as signs pointing to my little theory.) 

Okay...let’s start deciphering this conflicted, broken mess of a man.

Scene starts. Takemura is fiddling with the Rubik’s Cube. He puts it down. Expression cold as ice.

mask on full display in all of it’s glory

They talk about Saburo being back in the body of his son and have this exchange of words:

V: “Saw Saburo Arasaka’s back. In Yorinobu’s body.”

Goro: “Yes. Justice has been done.”

And then it happens for the first time...

(Could this be...doubt perhaps? Has justice really been done?)

Moving on- he walks over to stand behind the chair across from V, telling them of their imminent death.

Goro: “I will be blunt - the surgery did not help. You will be dead before winter.”

And then he proceeds to make this face immediately after...

(Lovely, isn’t it? Just full of sympathy. His mask game is strong. But don’t worry though because V wins in the end BIG TIME.)

Understandably, V gets very upset upon hearing this news.

V: “How... how’s that possible? Arasaka’s got the best and the brightest.”

And then something happens again. Whatever could it be, I wonder!

But wait, there’s more!

(He couldn’t even wait until he finished talking before looking away! It’s getting more difficult for him to look at V with a straight face every second! Also, his expression here is the most broken looking yet.) :(

He must not reveal what is hidden behind this emotional wall that he’s worked so hard to build up specifically for this meeting because the room they are speaking in may just as well be made of glass with Arasaka’s unrelenting gaze, an ever-present entity, on the other side of it. He will do so soon though, when he offers V salvation. The contract raises the stakes. The rules change. He feels the wall breaking and there isn’t anything he can do about it and he knows it.

IT’S CHAIR TIME, CHOOMS!

He looks away another 6 TIMES! Leaning more and more over that edge. Feast your eyes...

IT’S CONTRACT TIME, BABY!

Oh, shit!

It’s happening!!

He does look away here but there’s no mask on when he looks back...only despair.

It’s gone.

TO SIGN OR NOT TO SIGN

The disguise is off now. From this point onward, Takemura looks at V with his true feelings on display. This is where the ability to read the emotion portrayed solely through one’s eyes really comes into play because even though he’s not trying to hide anything anymore, he still can’t say what he really wants to say. We have to feel it through his expressions. His thoughts are so loud during these final moments of the scene that we don’t even need words to know what he’s saying.  

REFUSE TO SIGN

SIGN

HOLY GRAIL MOMENT!

(I’m literally going to copy and paste what I have in my part 2 analysis about this section because I explained my thoughts on it about as well as I am able to there and have nothing else to add. My apologies for repeating myself but I feel the exact same way about it so it still applies here.) 

These reactions make perfect sense because we’ve always known that he cares deeply for V and never stopped. He just couldn’t hide it! But even with this treasure trove of emotional mask slips and unintentional displays of affection, I still wasn’t sure exactly how deeply he cared for V. In other words- if he was actually in love with V or not.

Is he already in love or is he still in the process of falling in love? Is it just a friendly love? (hell no! I knew that was definitely not the case but I still had to ask just so I could cross it off the list!)

And then the two of them walked to the door and said their parting words.

V: “Gonna see each other again?”

Goro: “I believe we will.”

V: “So… see you.”

Goro: “Visit me in Kagawa - I will show you what is real food.”

And then…

he proceeded to make these faces…

HOLY

SHIT!

(The mask isn’t just gone now- it’s burned, splintered, shattered, exploded in a million pieces, disintegrated!)

This man just had the biggest revelation of his entire life: the realization that he is in love with V. These are looks of love and I will not be convinced otherwise. I’m not a facial expression expert or anything, only stating my humble opinions here, but are you seeing this!?

He realizes the truth and it catches him so off guard that he has to look away. He contemplates these newfound feelings and tries to sort them out in the few seconds that he has left with V. And he does. He accepts them. He welcomes them. The gentle, knowing look he gives V when he looks back at them is saying just this.

He also knows that he is now fucked because his love for V is going to complicate things so much more than they already were. Now that he is fully aware that he is in love, these feelings are going to directly conflict with his duties to Arasaka later if a situation arises that places V and Arasaka on opposing sides and I think we all know that is most definitely going to happen at some point.

And now he has to see the love of his life die and just leave this place and go on with his day. Damn. This is turning into one of the saddest love stories I’ve ever seen. Something major is going to happen in the dlc that is going to force his hand one way or another: V or Arasaka? I hope that Arasaka somehow fucks up so bad that it makes his choice easier but my heart breaks imagining the amount of conflict and torment that await him.

The Beginning and The End

[2manyfandoms2count]

Alix's rom-com night

The June event of the @mlwritersguild was to create bonus content for one of our fics - I decided to seize the opportunity to finally sit down and write one of the bonus scenes of You can count on me (I will be there for you), and to do draw a bit of fanart to go with it (4 panels, including a Marichat piece)! Let me tell you that the Burrow is a pain to draw, but I'm actually quite proud of the result :)

About YCCOM: It's an aged-up, one-sided reveal with "fake" wedding fic, based on Sallteas' art. The fic is 9 chapters and 20k words long. It was written before season 4, so it's no longer canon compliant in terms of who knows who's identities at the beginning.

Synopsis: Ladybug's identity is compromised, and somebody is after her. After a lot of pondering, she and Chat Noir come to the conclusion that her best bet is for her to marry Adrien Agreste. It breaks her heart that she is not marrying Chat Noir, but she knows that she's buying them time to figure out who is behind the anonymous letters she's been receiving, and hopefully to find Hawkmoth. Whatever the situation might be, her wedding day should provide a moment of respite. And maybe it would have, had Chat Noir refrained from coming to visit her just before the ceremony...

About Alix's rom-com night: it's a one shot that's chronologically set before the main fic, but I recommend reading it after reading the latter since it contains spoilers for it. It follows Alix (obviously), and includes Ladybug revealing her identity to Chat Noir and the set up of their "fake wedding" plan.

Hope you enjoy!

---

Alix opened her door and dropped her keys in the bowl as she kicked off her shoes with a satisfied sigh. Home, sweet home.

Her studio apartment wasn’t very big, but then again, she didn’t need a huge surface when she had a whole extension waiting for her just a transformation phrase away. She’d mentally thanked Marinette more than once for choosing her to wield the Rabbit Miraculous, rather than somebody else, just for the savings she made in rent.

She whistled happily as she made her way to her kitchen area, grabbing a bag of popcorn out of a cupboard and shoving it in her microwave.

She deserved the treat. She’d been running around all week, trying to slide letters to her targets without being spotted, spending hours on end to find the perfect stationary, and then staying up at night to get the wording exactly right, a delicate mix of subtlety and threat to elicit some sort of response from them. It had taken a lot of trial and error, especially for Ladybug. Her friend had always been surprisingly oblivious on many fronts, and it seemed that her honeymoon phase with Chat Noir reinforced her optimistic ability to brush ominous details aside. It had taken three letters for her to start freaking out and to promise Tikki she would talk to her partner about them, whereas Hawkmoth had started the analysis phase upon the first one he’d received.

Alix had only been mildly surprised by the identity of their nemesis when she’d decided it was high time she knew who they were facing; it was all too fitting that the man who leached off Paris’ most intense negative emotions should be the most embittered person she knew, and the one who, in retrospect, had been the cause of many an Akuma (she still shuddered at the what-could-have-been of Chat Noir’s akumatisation).

The microwave dinged, bringing her thoughts back to her timeline. She took the bowl out and called for her Kwami.

“Fluff, clockwise! Burrow!”

A white portal appeared in the middle of her living space and she walked through it, emerging in the ovoid room covered in screens. She made her way to the furthest point, hung her umbrella up on the coathanger she kept in there, and grabbed a folding chair. It was a director’s seat which supposedly had belonged to a rising name in the cinema world before their career had been shot down for obscure reasons, but she didn’t really care about its story; she’d bought it for a very low price at a yard sale, and that was all that mattered to her.

“Right, where are you…” She muttered, scrutinising her surroundings, until she found the screen she was looking for.

She unfolded the chair, zoomed in on the empty (for now) rooftop, propped down in her seat and threw a fistful of popcorn into her mouth, waiting for the show to start.

Unsurprisingly, Ladybug was the first to arrive on the scene. She paced around, mumbling to herself as she wrung her hands together. Alix felt a pang of guilt as she watched her rehearse how she would break the news to her partner, but reassured herself that the ordeal would soon be over.

Finally, Chat Noir landed beside Ladybug, and she flung herself at him, holding him so tight he had to untangle himself from her arms to breathe.

“Well, well, well, my Lady, I know I couldn’t make it to patrol last night, but I didn’t think you’d miss me this much,” he chuckled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Alix rolled her eyes at just how lovestruck he looked as he did so. How could her friends be so sappy, and yet still be at square one in terms of knowing who the other was?

Some might have said that it was romantic, that they loved each other regardless of who they were; but those people did not have to deal with the constant end of the world threat.

“What was so important that you couldn’t just text me?”

Ladybug took a deep breath. Her fingers slid along his arms as she relaxed her embrace, taking his hands in hers at the end of the line. “Somebody knows my identity,” she said quietly, looking down. “And I don’t know who they are.”

“What?!” Chat’s voice detonated in the previously peaceful quiet of the evening, making a couple of pigeons take off in a loud flutter of wings.

“I’m so sorry, I must have been careless when I got home one night, they must have seen me, I bet it was last week when I was tired and I-”

“My Lady, no offence, but I don’t care about the when and why, just... are you okay?” He tilted her chin up, gently turning her head to each side, checking for any signs of injury.

She placed her hand on his, making him stop, and gave him a soft, sad smile. “Yes, Chaton. Just a little rattled; you know you were the first person I wanted to reveal my identity to. Not including Bunnyx, although technically I never told her who I am.”

“And technically, I’m still the only person who knows who you are,” Bunnyx smugly commented between two handfuls of popcorn. “Now come on, I want to see how you react when you reveal your identities to each other.”

“How do you know somebody knows, though? And do you have any idea what their intentions are?”

Ladybug’s expression darkened. “I received some letters. They’re not signed, but they’ve got enough butterflies on them to make me think that even if they’re not from the biggest pest in Paris, then they’re probably from somebody who’s up to no good.”

Chat Noir swore under his breath, then regained his countenance. “So, what do we do now? Do you think we can hunt down the bugger?”

“We definitely will, but…” Ladybug bit her lip, and Alix leaned forward in her seat. This had to be it. “Chaton, I think the time has come for me to tell you who I am.”

“YES! Finally!” Alix cheered, almost spilling her popcorn bowl.

“Are you sure, my Lady?” Alix didn’t have to be on site to tell that Chat Noir’s heart was beating faster than usual; the corners of his mouth twitched as he repressed a smile, as though his excitement could make her change her mind.

“Yes.” She nodded. “I really want you to know.” In case something happens to me, Alix was pretty sure her friend had left unsaid.

“Okay, okay.” Chat Noir took a deep breath, buzzing with anticipation, so much so that he apparently missed the whole subtext of her previous words. “Do you want to do this now? And how do you want to do it? Do you want me to close my eyes? Are you going to write it on a piece of paper for me to read? Are you going to detransform? Should-”

“I was thinking the latter, and yes, now,” Ladybug said timidly. “Up to you if you want to look or not.”

“For some reason, I feel like I shouldn’t.” He took her hands in his and kissed her knuckles without breaking their eye contact, then took another deep breath and closed his eyes, a blissful smile on his lips. “Ready when you are, my Lady.”

“Ok, here goes.” She let out a shaky breath and called off her transformation. The soft pink glow engulfed her and receded, her suit melting away to reveal her true appearance.

“Wow, Marinette, you actually broke out your favourite dress for this? Glad to see all of this isn’t affecting your ability to think straight.” Alix smirked. If her friend had gone home after a long, stressful work day, and found it in her to change and doll herself up to make a good impression on Chat Noir, things couldn’t be that bad. She had to agree that her dress, simple, white, with little red hearts embroidered on it, was perfect for the occasion, though.

“You can open your eyes now, Chaton.” Marinette gave his hands a squeeze.

Chat Noir obliged, blinking slowly as he took in her appearance, her identity, her. Marinette squirmed under his gaze, his expression not giving away any of his thoughts.

“H-Hi,” she stammered when she couldn’t take it anymore. “I, erm, I guess I should introduce myself? We’ve run into each other before, when we were younger, and even if you actually had lunch with my family that one time, I guess it’s been a while… My name is-”

“Marinette. Marinette Dupain-Cheng.” Chat’s smile finally broke free, spread from ear to ear, almost literally illuminating his face. Alix wondered if anything could ever wipe it off. Love and admiration twinkled in his eyes as he picked her up and started spinning her. Marinette wrapped her arms around his neck, giggling giddily, before Chat Noir closed the gap between their lips.

Bunnyx modestly looked away, allowing them to have their moment. Her eyes landed on a rerun of Plagg putting an end to the dinosaurs’ reign.

“I should have known that it was you, Princess.” Chat panted slightly as he carefully set Marinette back on the roof. “Everything makes so much more sense now, I-”

“Before you finish that thought, I can’t know your identity.” She placed her index finger on his lips. “Yet, of course.”

“What?” Chat froze, and so did Bunnyx, her hand pausing midway between the popcorn bowl and her mouth. “But why?”

“I don’t know what might happen to me, but I don’t want to put you in any danger.” Marinette cupped his cheek. “And I don’t want to lose my memories of you. Of us.”

“Oh for Kwami’s sake.” Alix rolled her eyes. “Boo!” She threw a fistful of popcorn at the screen as her friend continued to list all the reasons Chat couldn’t reveal his identity.

“My Lady, Marinette, if you’re worried about your safety, maybe we should do something about it. I could move in with you, or in a flat nearby, maybe, stay transformed or wear a mask at all times so you don’t know who I am, we can figure it out… Of course I know you can protect yourself, but I could stand guard while you sleep, or...” Chat raked his hand through his hair as he thought.

“You know I love you, Chaton, and that’s why I can’t let you do that! You can’t live like that, I can’t ask that of you. Not to mention how difficult it would be for me, do you really think I could resist having you so close, and not trying to get a glimpse of who you are?” She joked, trying to diffuse the sudden tension.

“Then we need to get you a bodyguard,” he insisted.

“I thought about it, but… Well, I can’t really afford it, and how could I justify suddenly needing personal security? I’m just a designer, and nothing I’ve ever done has been avant-garde enough that I should be worried about my safety.” She shook her head.

“Damn, I knew I should have targeted Chat Noir,” Alix swore under her breath. “He would’ve had to reveal his identity, and she definitely wouldn’t have been a pushover on her kitty’s protection matter. Come on Adrien, do something.”

She could tell that he was up to something just by looking at him. He’d been silent for a little too long for it to be natural. Cogs turned in his head, making him squint. He let go of her completely and paced around the roof, almost pulling his hair out as he did so. Alix sensed that whatever was on his mind was going to be big. She leaned forwards in anticipation.

Finally, Chat Noir came to a halt in front of Marinette, the fever in his eyes and his dishevelled hair making him look slightly unhinged.

“Buguinette, I think I’ve got a solution,” he whispered.

“You do?” Marinette’s voice was full of hope, although she looked slightly concerned about him.

“You’re probably not going to like it,” he warned her, lifting a finger.

“Beggars can’t be choosers.” She shrugged, taking a step forward.

“Right.” He gave her one last look, an opportunity to stop him before the words tumbled out. She nodded encouragingly. “Okay, here’s the thing. I have it on very good authority that Adrien Agreste is being pressured into getting married by his father.”

“I see Gabriel’s just as delightful as always,” Marinette shook her head.

“Unlike good cheese, he definitely doesn’t get better with time.” Chat smiled bitterly, eyes losing focus a little.

“What’s it got to do with us, though?” Marinette prompted, placing a hand on his arm.

“Oh, Agreste, you absolute genius, I think I know where this is going.” Alix took another handful of popcorn.

“Oh, yes, right.” He cleared his throat. “See, Adrien’s not dating anyone at the moment…” Right, Alix snorted. “And he’s not really planning on starting a relationship with his father breathing down his neck, but, well, he happens to owe me a favour, and I’m sure that he’d be more than happy to put his security detail to good use…”

“So you’re suggesting that I marry Adrien.” Marinette deadpanned.

“Well, er, I actually thought you could just date, but thinking about it… It would be less strange for you to request a bodyguard if your relationship was more serious…” He trailed off.

Alix was impressed by how well he concealed his emotions. His poker face was truly exceptional.

“And you think Adrien would be ready to marry me because of a favour he owes you?” Marinette crossed her arms over her chest, pursing her lips and squinting at him as she tried to pick at his lie.

Alix winced for Chat. Maybe he should have waited a bit before blurting out the (as it turned out) probably only sane option in that situation so he could work out all of the details for himself. Marinette was very good at trying to shake plans to see how solid their foundations were.

“Please. Adrien had a crush on you when you were younger, if anything I could probably smuggle it as another favour, given how perfect the fake scenario would be. Although I guess that since you also liked him… It might just cancel out.” He tapped his lip pensively.

“Adrien had a crush on me?” Marinette frowned. “Oh, you must mean Ladybug. I think Nino mentioned it once.”

“Well, yes, but he also had one on you, Marinette.” Chat stepped forward, mischief twinkling in his eyes as he poked her on the nose.

“Really, now,” she muttered to herself.

“The main reason he didn’t act on it was that he thought you loved somebody else.” Chat smiled ironically.

“Wow, what a pair of idiots.” Marinette chuckled.

“You don’t know the half of it.” He kissed her forehead.

“But you know what?” Marinette didn’t pick up on her partner’s comment. “I’m actually glad we didn’t get together. It probably would have delayed us getting together.” She pressed a peck to his lips. “If we’d gotten together at all in that timeline.” She smirked.

Alix snorted. Out of all the timelines she’d watched unfold in an attempt to keep things in check, there wasn’t a single one where Marinette and Adrien, Ladybug and Chat Noir, didn’t end up together, and not just because of her interventions to help them, and the rest of the planet, stay alive.

Marinette’s face fell at Chat Noir’s lack of response. Alix knew her friend didn’t particularly believe in soulmates, but she understood that she would have liked a sappy Chat Noir special comment on how he’d told her he’d grow onto her anyway, and that she would have soon discovered that the Agreste boy had nothing on him. She assumed that he was too busy restraining himself from saying the wrong thing.

“Actually… What about us, then?” Marinette cleared her throat and looked up at him, eyes glistening slightly in the half light.

“My Lady… If you really think that you being a divorcée will spur me away…” Chat Noir looked down at their entwined hands, locks of blond hair falling in front of his eyes, concealing his giddy smile from her. You sneaky cat, Alix thought.

Marinette followed his gaze, letting out a long sigh as she watched their hands sway lightly. Alix knew her brain was probably trying to find all the flaws in the plan. She crossed her fingers, hoping that it would be enough for her friend to accept. It was perfect, whether they got their act together and figured everything out before the event, or not.

“Fine,” Marinette finally said with resolve, making Alix mentally thank whoever was out there. “I’ll do it on two conditions.”

“Anything, my love.” Chat let out a sigh of relief.

“Firstly, we’re honest with Adrien from the get go. No lying about anything.” Chat nodded along. “Secondly, we get cracking on finding Hawkmoth, and after we do and the divorce is settled, if we even get that far with Adrien because obviously if everything is settled before the wedding we won’t be going through the whole plan…” Chat smiled fondly as she took a deep breath. “After all that, we are getting married.” She gestured between the both of them.

“My Lady, are you proposing to me right meow?” Chat Noir all but purred.

“I guess so.” Marinette shrugged, a smile and a blush spreading on her cheeks.

“Wow, then, I’m definitely putting Adrien in charge of the proposal planning,” he replied with a smirk.

“Chaton!” She stomped her foot, her mildly amused smile cancelling out her frown.

“What?” He teased her.

“Will you? Marry me?” She held his gaze.

“Do you even have to ask?” He chuckled. “You know, my Lady, I’m pretty sure that, in my head, we’ve been married since that speech you gave on the Eiffel Tower during our very first fight. Well, I’ve been married to you; you do whatever you please.”

“You’re such a dork,” Marinette laughed, brushing her nose against his and throwing her arms around his neck.

“And yet you still love me.” He pulled her closer.

“Unfortunately, I do,” she sighed dramatically before pressing a kiss to his lips.

Alix dismissed the screen. She’d seen what she wanted, and it seemed like a good place to stop; a happy, sappy ending. Also, she’d finished all of her popcorn.

Everything was on track, her friends would start their Hawkmoth hunt, and soon everybody in Paris would be able to live without fear of their own negative emotions.

(Of course, that was the theory; she’d soon find out that she’d underestimated Adrien’s will to organise the perfect wedding for Marinette, and that, my friends, was no small oversight.)

[kittyprincessofcats]

I finished RWBY Volume 5!!

Loved it!! After volume 4 was (understandably) a bit slower-paced, I didn’t expect things to get intense and serious this quickly, but I’m glad they did! I have so many thoughts I wanted to write down, so here we go:

[There will be spoilers for RWBY up to Volume 5 in this post (duh). Please don’t leave spoilers for anything after Volume 5 on this post, otherwise I will block you.]

- I have to say, I definitely liked Cinder more when she wasn’t talking. During Volume 4, I kind of started feeling bad for her on some level, but then she got better and started being her old condescending, power-hungry self and I was like… nevermind, I hate you again.

- Qrow being super drunk when he first brings Oscar home was absolutely hilarious.

- Yang is SO COOL. Have I mentioned that she’s so cool? Like wow, I wish I was that cool! The bike, the new (amazing) outfit, the way she just punched that creepy guy and walked right up to her mom’s bandit camp making demands of her – she’s so cool and I’m here for it.

- Yang and Weiss’ reunion was so sweet! 😭 I was waiting for literally any of Team RWBY’s members to reunite and that got me right in the feels! (Also, I loved the whole “Wait, your mom kidnapped me?” “Wait, you kidnapped her?” exchange - brilliant 😂.)

- Ruby’s reunion with Yang and Weiss was so sweet, too! 😭 Tears were definitely shed over reunions in this volume! And it was so nice to finally have most of Team RWBY and what’s left of Team JNPR back together and see them bond and catch up with each other 😭. Found family back together! It’s what they deserve!

- Yang being so angry at Blake for leaving makes perfect sense, imo, especially considering her own abandonment issues. And even more so considering that she lost that arm while protecting Blake. Also, I don’t think it’s reading too much into it to say that Yang and Blake’s interactions and their storyline together have had romantic undertones since volume 2. (And no, I’m not just saying that because I ship Bumbleby; it’s the other way around – I ship Bumbleby because those romantic undertones were there in the first place.) So yeah, Yang always tried to help and support Blake, lost an arm protecting her from her abusive ex, and then Blake just left – I get why Yang’s hurt and angry. And that moment where she goes from complaining about how she just wants to be there for Blake, before finally admitting “What if I needed her there for me?” - that’s a really good moment for Yang, even beyond the romantic subtext. It’s nice to see Yang admit that she also wants someone else to be there for her, that she wants to receive that same love and care in return.

- I also want to point out that it’s nice to see how far Weiss has come since volume one. She really took a level in kindness and became a lot more mature, to the point where she’s now giving Yang relationship advice. It’s really nice to see.

- Ruby’s talk with Oscar about Penny and Pyrrha really got me teary eyed.

- I wasn’t that fond of Sun at first, but he had some really great moments in this volume, so he’s starting to grow on me now. I still don’t ship him with Blake, but their friendship is sweet.

- And now, let’s talk about THE standout character of the whole volume for me: ILIA!! Holy hell, I love everything about her! You know how some characters grow on you over time, and then there are those characters that you see one episode with and they just become instant favourites? That second one was Ilia for me. I watched Blake’s character short before Volume 5 and the moment I heard her backstory she jumped right to the top of my favourite character list without question AND I started shipping her and Blake right away. (Yes, I love Bumbleby and all, but I’m a multishipper. I’m perfectly capable of equally loving two ships that contradict each other.)

- It’s just – Ilia and Blake’s dynamic got me hooked! Not to compare everything to my OTP (Catra and Adora from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power), but let me quickly make this comparison: Two girls who grew up together, were both members of a certain evil organization until one of them left it and the other didn’t, now they’re on opposing sides and have to fight each other, but they still clearly care about each other. Plus, there are confirmed romantic feelings from at least one side there. I know many people (including myself) have compared Bumbleby to Catradora before – because you’ve got one blonde jock and one catgirl – but when it comes to the dynamic and the backstory, Blake and Ilia (what’s that ship called? Catmeleon, I think?) resemble Catradora even more. And it’s just the kind of dynamic I’m weak for.

(Honestly, it’s kind of funny how predictable I am both when it comes to favourite characters and favourite ships. My sister, who got me into both She-Ra and RWBY, took one look at Catra years ago and immediately predicted that I would love her. And when she first saw Ilia, she also immediately knew she’d be one of my favourites. Basically, my sister once described my “type” of favourite characters as “troubled, cute and gay” and that pretty much sums it up.)

- Speaking of troubled, cute, and gay: I’m glad RWBY finally has some CANON LGBT representation! Hell yes for that! Honestly, I interpreted Ilia’s feelings for Blake as romantic right away, but I wondered if it was just bait or my usual tendency to see romantic undertones in any interaction between two girls. But then that “I wanted you to look at me that way” line happened and… WOW. Yes. Amazing, talented, brilliant, never been done before, showstopping, incredible. I’m 100% sold on both the ship and Ilia as a character.

(One more thing before I change topics: I try to keep these posts positive and not get into discourse too much (since I’ve heard there was (is?) a lot of discourse in the RWBY fandom – but I took just one look into the tag for Volume 5 and immediately saw people arguing that Ilia’s not good representation because she’s a villain. And I just want to quickly address why that’s nonsense, in my opinion (and before you ask, yes I am a lesbian myself): First of all, she’s not even a full-blown villain. She’s clearly shown as confused and misguided from the beginning. And her feelings for Blake are never portrayed as a negative thing. She also has a redemption literally two episodes after being revealed to be queer. And in general, I don’t think queer villains are necessarily a bad thing and I’m tired of queer characters not being allowed to be flawed. How come straight characters get to just exist, but any queer character better be a shining beacon of morality or else they’re bad representation? I agree that RWBY should introduce more queer characters to balance things out a bit, but I wouldn’t say Ilia was bad representation by herself, since she’s a character I think we’re meant to have sympathy for.

- Now I just hope that future volumes of RWBY don’t pull a Bury Your Gays and kill Ilia off... I’d really hate that. (No spoilers on this post, please!)

- The entire fight at the Belladonnas’ house had me so on edge the whole time. I thought someone (most likely one or both of Blake’s parents) was going to die any second. Basically, the ending of volume 3 burned me and now I constantly expect characters to die. I’m glad it all (mostly) turned out well!

- Blake’s speech to the Faunus might have made me a bit emotional. That was a really great moment for her.

- And then there were those final episodes… WOW. Like I said, I really didn’t expect everything to go down so quickly (or for the ending to be that happy – like I said, volume 3 burned me.)

- Jaune unlocking his semblance was nice! And I’m proud of myself for having correctly predicted that he’d have some sort of healing powers. (I was waiting for him to unlock some healing semblance back when Qrow got injured in Volume 4 – I’m glad it finally happened!)

- I was worried about Weiss for a second, then I realized there’s no way she can die since I’ve already seen pictures of her outfit in later volumes. (Plus, I’m pretty sure if a main character had died, I’d have been unable to completely avoid spoilers about it. So those 4 are pretty much the only ones I’m not that worried about.)

- Raven is a really cool and interesting character, but an awful person. (I got so angry at her when she blasted Ruby after Ruby was just so nice to her*. How dare you, lady?) I love her design, though!

[*EDIT: I just rewatched it and realized that it was Cinder who blasted Ruby, Raven just created the portal. Point still stands, tough.]

- The plot twist of who the Spring Maiden really is was EPIC. Really loved that reveal! (And I honestly didn’t see it coming.) Though I have to say, I feel really bad for Vernal, and for the previous Spring Maiden.

- The Cinder VS Raven fight was absolutely epic and just stunning to watch visually. I was wondering if we’d ever get a maiden vs maiden battle, and that scene more than delivered! And while I don’t particularly like either of them, I was definitely rooting for Raven in that fight.

- I’m not sure if Cinder really died there. If so, I’m honestly not too sad about it, but I would be disappointed because I kind of expected her to become a more interesting character later on. After Volume 4, I expected at least a bit of growth there or something that would make her more interesting. And I’m not talking about a redemption, just to be clear! I just think the potential to make her more interesting as a villain was there, and if they just killed her off it’s kind of wasted now and she stayed a very flat character until the end. But I guess we’ll see.

- Raven and Yang’s confrontation was pretty intense. I liked that Raven finally had to admit that she’s afraid and doing all of this just to protect herself, and the contrast to Yang, who is also scared but still does what she thinks is right. And the fact that Raven was willing to let Yang have the relic despite the danger that would put her in – mom of the year indeed 🙄.

- Blake and the other Faunus are the real MVPs of the battle, tbh. The fact that they just completely stopped Adam and the White Fang by sheer numbers and didn’t even give them the chance to attack anyone? God tier stuff. And when Blake’s mom came in with the police? 10/10, we stan.

- Also, Blake telling Adam she’s not there for him? Hell yes, girl! I love how she’s taking power away from her abuser by showing she isn’t doing any of this for him. Really nice.

- Yang and Blake’s reunion in the last episode was super nice. I like how there was so much attention on that reunion in particular. And while I’m glad Yang wasn’t too angry at Blake and it makes for a nice happy ending, I still hope there’s a scene next volume where Blake properly apologizes to Yang for leaving and explains her side of things. And then, they should get together and live happily ever after and have lots of kittens. I mean, what?

- And finally, all of Team RWBY is back together! And they’ll have a lot to catch each other up on. Blake doesn’t even know about the maidens, the relics and Salem yet, while the rest didn’t even know about the White Fang attack. Also, I want Blake to introduce the others to Ilia and to her parents.

I really loved this volume. Lots of action, lots of really sweet moments, lots of epic fights and cool plot twists. I find it hard to rank them, but this might have been my favourite volume yet (volume 3 was also really good, though).

[amysubmits]

What is the most vanilla-seeming thing in your current dynamic that is unquestionably DD or D/s? Or rather, what is completely tangled up in your dynamic with CD but if someone vanilla witnessed or heard about it, they would be clueless to its significance? (This could be holding hands, pulling out chairs, making to-do lists... Anything!) Please try to explain why it's part of your dynamic if able!

Most of our dynamic is inconspicuous, really. I find myself feeling bashful when CD tells me what to do in front of other people because it feels very D/s-y to me but he speaks to me in a kind tone of voice and says please, so nobody has ever reacted weird. And of course it's not like he's just ordering me around for no reason it's always for a specific reason so it might be like...he's doing some manual labor job at his mom's house and he got thirsty so he says "go get my water bottle out of the car, please." or something like that. I'm extra conscious of it when he doesn't really ask, but politely tells - as to me that feels like an obvious instruction. But vanillas really don't notice that type of a thing.

And I see people talk to their partners in similar ways all the time, and I imagine for most people it's 100% vanilla and they don't even recognize that one person is instructing the other, probably. It's just that us being familiar with D/s makes me sort of hyper-aware of power dynamics, I guess. So if we know a couple where one does more 'telling' and the other does more 'asking', I notice that. If one is more passive and the other is always initiating a decision, I notice that, etc. It's so obvious to me who 'wears the pants' in various relationships, that I forget others aren't as aware. So sometimes my reaction is still 'omg you can't say that in front of people...' but then I realize that actually he can, it's perfectly socially acceptable when phrased politely, and nobody even thinks its weird because they aren't hyper aware of power dynamics, haha.

Another example that makes me self conscious of our D/s is when CD says something like "Well, we have to go, I have to get Amy home so she can take her meds."

Or if he tells me he doesn't want me to do something. Because for us, if he tells me he doesn't want me to do something, that aaaalmost means I can't. Not literally, if I disagreed with what he said then we could talk about it and find middle ground, or I could just express a boundary if needed, etc. But generally speaking if he express that he doesn't want me to do something, he expects me not to unless we have some sort of discussion about the issue. I can't recall a specific example from the past although I know he's told me he doesn't want me to do things in front of others. I guess with COVID it's been so long since we've socialized regularly that I forget specific examples, haha. But as a made-up example something like "Take a car charger, your battery is a little low and I don't want you to be unable to call if you need to." which is totally socially acceptable, of course. But my brain sort of translates it to something more like "you have to take a charger and I expect you to not let your phone die." and so it makes me feel a bit bashful, too. I guess it's like...I forget they don't know our 'language' I guess? So my instinctive reaction is to be embarrassed almost as if they somehow know the subtext, even though they don't. Not sure if that makes sense.

Oh! I remembered one more that always ‘gets me’. When people try to get me to make a decision that impacts CD. I always have to side-step it a little bit, and this always feels like my submission is obvious, even though it’s not. For example, if some friends ask if “we” want to go with them to something next weekend. If CD isn’t right there, I’ll side-step answering immediately and will instead say something like “Oh that sounds neat, I’ll talk to [CD] later and let you know.”