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qqueenofhades · 2 months

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it's concerning what people are saying and thinking is activism. I've unfollowed someone who unironically reblogged something that said death to israel. how is that going to help? if anything that's just making a more hostile environment. support palestine but maybe cool it about what you say about israel considering why it exists in the first place

There are a few reasons for this, and the first is that the western left is so absolutely goddamn terrible about recognizing its increased and violent radicalization. I can't tell you how many posts I've seen to the effect of "the far right wants to kill everybody but the far left just wants healthcare for everyone uwu." First, by their own extremely warped and constantly biased perception, that would actually make the mainstream Democratic Party "far left." The party might disagree about how exactly the actual mechanism for better/more equitable healthcare should be implemented (etc. etc. if you oppose instant Medicare for All with no other transition period or hybrid options, YOU ARE EXACTLY THE SAME AS A FASCIST!), but that's now a central and uncontroversial plank of official Democratic party policy. But since as we know, BOTH SIDES ARE THE SAME!!!, clearly that can't be what the self-defined "far left" actually wants. Witness how we've had several days of intense and valedictory social media approval and worship of a mentally ill person's violent and public suicide, because it was done for the "right reasons." This person should have been given help and support, yes, and we never know what's going on in anyone's head. But if I was someone also contemplating suicide, this whole "it's the right thing to do and you should just burn yourself to death and announce it's for the Right Cause and you will have legions of adoring admirers" would be hella hard to resist. This is going to directly cost more lives.

We point out all the time that the far right has become a fascistic death cult of authoritarian personality, but the online far left is now absolutely just as willing to make "you should die and/or kill yourself and others for Ideology" a central part of their platform. We've had endless rhetoric about how the violent Glorious Revolution is the only answer and society is irretrievably broken. This is casual, constant, inescapable radicalization, and it's presented as the only way to "do" leftism. So of course the rhetoric gets increasingly insane and genocidal (while insisting that all they want is to "stop the genocide"), and it's more and more normalized. We've had people reblogging posts that are almost entirely lies, because they "want to highlight" one sentence or half-truth they agree with (and apparently decided the best way to do this was to uncritically amplify the misinformation, rather than making their own post and trying to push back on it). We've had people admitting they're afraid to lose friends or be attacked on social media because the Groupthink is so pervasive and violently radicalized. This is not normal and this needs to fucking stop.

Secondly, and this is inescapable especially in regard to this particular conflict, the western left is absolutely steeped in antisemitism through and through, and it has no desire either to examine that or even think it should. It has become absolutely mired in the "antisemitism is a Good and Necessary and Correct belief to have and it's not actually a prejudice, it contributes to social justice because all Israelis and/or all Jews are evil settler colonialists constantly genociding innocent Hamas and/or Palestinians." This is why, as I keep saying, it's not that hard to support Palestinian self-determination, statehood, dignity, freedom, and a stop to the indiscriminate slaughter of Gaza, while not actually thinking that the way to do this is just to be wildly antisemitic at all times and calling for the genocide of Israel to be substituted for the genocide of Gaza. That does not actually reduce the net amount of genocide in this world!!! I thought you wanted to stop it, not turn it loose on another group of people who "deserve it more!" JESUS CHRIST!!!

On that note, even if you don't agree with every single premise or point it makes, a lot of people on this website (and on Twitter, but yeah, uh, good luck with that) need to read the following article in order to understand, as I keep saying, how deeply virulent antisemitism has become an unquestioned tenet of virtuous faith among the western left. Content warnings for some very graphic depictions/discussions of violence, including sexual violence, but that's not an excuse. If you've found yourself posting or agreeing with any version of the "Jews/Zionists/Israelis are all collectively responsible for this while evilly torturing innocent non-Jews" thesis statement, READ IT. Y'know, read it anyway. Try to get the first and most basic grip on the fraught and violent history of antisemitism, which is quite literally the oldest prejudice in the world, and how that interacts with and negatively informs the way in which supposedly well-intentioned western leftists are reacting to the current situation. As I said in an earlier post, I don't care if your "good intentions" (the road to hell is paved with, etc. etc.) are solely about stopping the current slaughter directed against Palestinians. That does not excuse you from the consequences of the lies you spread and the genocidal violence that you advocate as a "better" or "more correct" kind of genocidal violence then that already taking place. So. Yeah.

If you run into a paywall, you can remove it by disabling JavaScript on the page (this can be done with most ad-blockers), or someone has also helpfully provided the full text as a pdf in this link. Read it.

#on-and-on-we-go-forever #ask #history #politics for ts #israel hamas war #cw suicide #cw antisemitism

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cookie-nom-nom · 3 months

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Reading Barrayar I felt trapped in Cordelia’s head. It’s incredibly effective for the dread of war as a civilian. Plans and machinations happening beyond you, with no input. Hearing of things happening that seem far off and like yeah that’s awful but then suddenly it dominoes in a way that destroy your life and it’s not your fault and you could've done nothing at all to prevent it. Especially the tension of being hunted in the Dendarii mountains with no idea how the war is going, if they’ve already lost, if it is already too late. Cordelia is doing actively important things in service of the war by sheltering Gregor, yet there's this pervasive feeling of helpless lack of control. She spends most of the book with this dread of not knowing when the next threat to their family will come, and I don’t think it could’ve been done so effectively if we had access to the information Aral had. I found it frustrating at times, since it felt like Cordelia was swept up in events with little agency (at first; obviously our dear captain didn’t remain there). I wanted so badly to be with Aral seeing and knowing and making the decisions.

But that’s the point! Most people have absolutely zero agency in those situations and little information and it’s terrifying. Barrayar captures the feeling of being a civilian in war where so many narratives narrow in upon the heroes and 'men of history' that control conflicts. That's what readers expect. I think that’s why I loved the ending so much. After so long trapped with Cordelia, just trying to survive the larger machinations of Barrayar’s bloody politics, it felt so, so good to finally be on the offensive, to have information the opponents don’t, to finally have power and the means to control what happens. It's a relief to the constant tension of having no agency in a giant conflict that frankly Cordelia had no business being affect by, yet was swept up in because of her love of Aral.

Which is the second thing I deeply enjoyed in Barrayar. I love how the war is made so human. A messy tangle of human relationships control it. I can’t stop thinking about the hostages. There are just so many children being used because the war holds the future hostage. Tiny precious Miles utterly incapable of comprehending how large a pawn he is. Young grieving Gregor vital to the plans of both sides whether dead or alive. Elena, who should be of no importance but she is because that's the kid of an unimportant soldier, just like every other hostage is another piece in the web of the war. I keep thinking about the relatives of Aral’s men caught in the capital. The hostages that Aral refuses to take. Everyone just trying to take care of those they love, and the points where they must put other priorities over their relationships are heart wrenching.

Barrayar looks dead on at how little people try to survive a civil war. From the mountains where the fighting seems so far, and information is slowed to a trickle of the singular mailman. The invasion of forces that disrupts people who may not even know there’s a war yet. The scientists and the genius lost in a single blast that goes unnoticed. The urban populations trying to sneak in food and people and keep their heads down. Random citizens debating who to sell out, weighing risks and bounties, if it will get them the favor with the occupiers that will help them survive. All so small in the grand scheme of things, and yet they are who Barrayar concerns itself with.

Cordelia’s uncertainty and fear would’ve been undermined if we were allowed to see in the heads of people driving the conflict, because Barrayar isn’t about those people. It is the desperation of two mothers, powerless and kept in the dark, that topples the regime.

Addendum: Cordelia’s relationship to Aral firmly places her in an upper class position that is important to note when discussing the role of civilians/‘little people’ within this analysis. But as a woman on Barrayar she is extremely limited in the power she is allocated, especially compared to someone like Aral, which would be the military leadership POV that novels more focused on the grander scope of war would utilize. Again not to say Cordelia has no agency or power, but it is not to the degree of the people in charge. Thus I place her alongside the average people swept up in a war outside their control. Still, her position as a Vor Lady gives her some access knowledge and connections that she turns into power, which while limited are far more than the average citizen. Her significance to Vordarrian is exclusively viewed as yet another hostage, an underestimation that Cordelia readily exploits, but still afforded only due to her status. Cordelia occupies a position of importance but not power beyond the scope of the people she’s formed direct relationships with, which only further ties into the essay's thesis.

#I found it so so frustrating at first to be trapped with Cordelia until I realized. That's the point. She's trapped too.#Also probably a symptom of me being an omniscient 3rd person writer. I want to explore everyone and feel trapped in just 1 head #anyway probably mispelled so many character names plz have mercy I'm an audio book boi #y'all I meant this to be a very brief couple of sentence about a nitpick but then i just had to unpack author intentions. Sigh.#kinda miss writing english essays ngl.#vorkosigan saga #cordelia naismith vorkosigan #aral vorkosigan #vorkosigan analysis #barrayar #literary analysis #cordelia vorkosigan #something to nom on

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bethanythebogwitch · 2 months

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My favorite magic system from a game I haven't actually played is from Mage: the Ascension. It kind of fits as both a hard magic system and a soft magic system at the same time because there are some hard rules, but its mostly very open. To become a mage you have to realize that reality is not what it seems. In MtA, reality is whatever the majority of people believe it is, known as the consensus. The consensus in modern days is pretty uniform everywhere, with small variations based on where you are, but it used to be wildly different based on the cultural beliefs of the local people. A mage is a person who realizes that the consensus isn't true reality and gains to power to act outside of its rules. Any given mage's abilities come from their own personal view of reality, known as their paradigm. A mage's magic can do basically anything, as long as it is accounted for in their paradigm. So a mage who's paradigm includes the classic Aristotelian elements can perform magic based on that, but if their paradigm doesn't include animistic spirits then they can't commune with those spirits even though other mages could based on their own paradigm. The problem with this is that the consensus doesn't like it when you go around breaking its rules and will punish mages by slapping them with an effect called paradox. Paradox can be anything from a spell failing to getting shunted into your own personal pocket universe. Nothing generates paradox like being seen doing magic by sleepers (people who are not mages and still live fully within the consensus). Most mages either only use magic around other mages or, if they need to cast around sleepers, will disguise their magic as a mundane effect. Someone throwing a fireball from their hands will generate major paradox because the consensus is that people can't do that. However if a mage holds a lighter up to a spraycan before casting their fireball, the sleepers can rationalize it as something that exists within the consensus and not as much paradox will be generated.

In the dark ages, magic was part of the consensus and mages could openly rule over the sleepers because everyone believed in magic and therefore magic was part of the consensus. In response to the tyranny of the mages, a group was formed called the League of Reason, who wanted to introduce a new form of magic to the consensus that everyone could use. This form of magic was based on logic and reason and was called science. This led to the ascension war, where the League of reason sought to remove magic and superstition from the consensus and a very loose coalition of mages called the Council of Nine Mystic Traditions want to keep magic in the consensus. And the League of Reason won. A mostly rationalistic, scientific worldview has become the consensus worldwide, forcing the Council into operating underground. The League of Reason has become the Technocracy, a worldwide secret organization ruling the world from the shadows and trying to stamp out magic and any other form of "reality deviants" to keep humanity safe, even if they have to suppress basic human imagination to do so. Notably, the earliest books for the game very much said "Traditions good, Technocracy bad", but later books went for a much more grey approach to the conflict between them, making it clear that both sides really are doing what they think is in humanity's best interest even if their ideas for how to do so are fundamentally incompatible.

What's really interesting is that science and technology really are a form of magic and technocrats are mages, even if the Technocracy would vehemently deny this. Technology is a form of magic that everyone can use because its part of the consensus and science doesn't discover new facts about the world, It creates those facts and applies them to the world. The Technocracy's super-advanced technology creates paradox just as much as magic does because personal anti-gravity suits and mass-produced clones violate the consensus just like throwing around fireballs and conjuring demons does.

Mage: the Ascension is a super fun setting because just about any fantasy or sci-fi trope can exist here. Classic pointy hat and wand wizards can battle cyborgs armed with self-replicating nanotechnology. Anti-authoritarian punks can hack your wallpaper to spy on you because they believe all reality is part of a unified mathematical whole that the internet gives us access to. A group of spacefarers can ride the luminiferous aether to mars only to encounter Aztec shamans who asked the spirits to carry them there thousands of years ago. A powerful mage can create a time loop by convincing their younger self to obtain enlightenment through the power of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Two people can have an argument over whether the guy they just met was an alien from Alpha Centauri or an elf from the Norse nine realms and both of them can be right. Animistic spirit-callers can upload themselves to the internet to combat spirits of malware. And an angry mage might just teleport you into the sun because they believe distance is just an illusion and therefore have the power to make anything go anywhere with a thought. It's a wild ride.

#mage the ascension #tabletop games #ttrpg #world of darkness #old world of darkness #magic system #mage #fantasy #science fiction #technocracy #technocratic union #council of nine mystic traditions #lore

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rubyfunkey · 1 year

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Exactly one person asked me to share my thoughts on Leander so here's all the notes I've been taking and thoughts I've had since playing the demo a billion times (not all of these are polished thoughts some are simply just observations that i think might be important to understanding him)

- Leander seems to value information the most out of all the LIs

- He is the only LI that asks the MC what they think about everyone

- He asks the most questions

- He repays the MC for their information by providing them with room and board

- Leander sways the MC's opinion

- When discussing Vere, no matter what the MC says about him, Leander makes it clear that getting close to Vere is a bad idea, and that he is a very dangerous individual. Notably, he says "-but like any monster, he's dangerous." which seems to conflict with how he views Ais, despite both being monsters.

- When discussing Ais, when the MC mentions that they met him at the Seaspring, Leander chokes on his drink. If the MC states that Ais was upfront, Leander asks if the price of the Seaspring's effects seem worth it, and implies that he views Ais's "red-eyed minions" as another form of pet that Ais keeps. The topic seems to upset him so deeply that he requests a change of subject. If the MC states that Ais was intimidating, his reaction is almost the complete opposite, almost pleasant, and the subject of the Seaspring drops entirely. When asked if Leander is afraid of Ais, he says not at all, and explains that he sees the two of them as rivals. The MC worries if being rivals with a monster is smart, and Leander downplays the seriousness of it, saying that Ais isn't a bad guy. To me, when paired side-by-side, these two interactions read as Leander trying to sway the MC away from the Seaspring, or maybe even Ais himself. His reaction to knowing that the MC is intimidated by Ais is casual and amused, because he doesn't need to say anything else about it; The MC is already scared of Ais. If the MC WASN'T intimidated by Ais when choosing to say the former option, they probably would have been at least a little more apprehensive after seeing Leander's reaction to the Seaspring's effects.

- When discussing Kuras, regardless of what dialogue option the MC chooses, Leander seems to think fondly of him, with the exception of his bedside manner. If the MC chooses to say that Kuras seems like a good person, they will then ask Leander if he believes that Kuras could cure them. When asked this, Leander's face will drop*, and he will pause before responding, saying that Kuras is good, but he's "only a doctor". If the MC states that they found Kuras to be cold, Leander heartily agrees, saying that "he never warns you when something's gonna sting, and he's stingy with the pain medicine too". His response to both options is mostly the same, what caught my eye was his reaction to asking whether or not Kuras could cure us. Maybe he has some bitter experience with the limitations of Kuras's capabilities, or maybe he just doesn't want to entertain the possibility of the MC seeking assistance from someone outside of himself. Considering his response to hearing that you visited the Seaspring while meeting Ais, I'm inclined to believe the latter.

*I’m not sure how reliable the sprite expressions are re: understanding character motivation, but I’m going to use them anyway. With a grain of salt.

- When discussing Mhin, if the MC chooses to say that Mhin seems lonely, Leander states that he believes that Mhin actually prefers things that way, and goes on to say that if Mhin wanted to be our friend, we would know. If the MC chooses to say that they find Mhin to be irritable, Leander simply agrees, saying that even paying Mhin for work can be a struggle. His responses while discussing Mhin aren't as foreboding, but they don't really need to be. Leander seems to shoot down any hope the MC may have of being close to Mhin, and if they don't show interest in befriending Mhin, then there's nothing more to say.

- Leander is "friends" with everyone, but has something to say about each LI that makes them seem unpleasant or even dangerous to be around

- Leander is the only LI whose silhouette is unaltered

- "not all monsters are inhuman"

- When selecting Leander on the Choose Your Fate screen, the description reads:

Leander offers you something that should be impossible: a taste of normalcy free of your curse. As the first person to withstand your touch, he could change your life, but some things are simply too good to be true.

- When discussing the Senobium with Leander, Leander states "things that seem too good to be true are often just that". He then proceeds to offer himself as "something that should be impossible" for the MC, as the Choose Your Fate screen says.

- LEANDER is an ASSHOLE

- During the scene where Leander is asking you to show him the curse, regardless of whether or not you hold back or choose to trust him, he will grab your hand to prevent you from pulling away. IF YOU CHOOSE TO HOLD BACK, his grip is tight, his face falls, he takes a deliberate step closer, and even reaches for the MC's throat causing the player to worry that they've just ruined him and are now going to get choked out for the second time that day as a result... He then smiles and says he's just fine. I've seen a few people stating that they believed this was the curse beginning to take effect before he managed to push it away, but personally, i think he was just being an asshole. Like, some small punishment for you not trusting him like he asked you to. A silly little guy moment. I hope he chokes

- When first mentioning the Senobium to Leander, his face falls, but he doesn't immediately comment, instead he continues to drink, ignoring the fact that his Bloodhounds have begun verbally accosting you. He only speaks up and snaps at them once he notices you're looking. The first couple times I read this part, Leander's response seems uncharacteristically snide in comparison to how he acts for the rest of the demo, which is NOT me saying he's been written inconsistently, it is me saying he is fake as hell. I hate this dude

- He seems genuinely concerned when asking the MC if they're alright after their run-in with the roughneck. When he asks them if they'd like a drink, he orders the same as them regardless of what they choose. He doesn't do this when you first meet him, he orders beer regardless of your choice. I don't know if this is important to my research. Compels me though

- "Acquaintances are merely friends you haven't shared a drink with yet" -Guy That Has No Friends

Here is a small list of things I believe I could confidently conjure some bullshit out of upon further research (or with enough imagination):

- The Bloodhounds' motto (As Above, So Below)

- Leander's earring. Maybe.

- Leander's quote, "They [flowers] don't last long, but they leave an impression"

- Another quote, "There are solutions to every problem, and alternatives to every solution"

- The ouroboros on Leander's Kickstarter charm

- The fact that Leander likes masquerades and hates sleep

Here is a list of things relating to what the other four LIs think about Leander that caught my attention:

- Literally everything that Vere said

- Vere either has history with Leander that neither of them have talked about (unlikely given how "subtle" Leander was about his relations with Mhin), or Vere is able to read Leander in a way that the others either can't or don't make known to the MC. Vere clearly has sharp senses and sees through the MC like they're made of water, I'm not sure if this is just a thing for the MC but it could probably be assumed that he sees things in Leander that we can't.

- Ais' comment about Leander's resolve

- I could pretend like something Mhin said re: Leander interested me, but I don't think there was any deeper context to their words other than the not-at-all-subtle feelings of forced-down affection and open annoyance. Love Mhin though

- My thoughts on what Kuras had to say are similar to Mhin's, he seems to be fond of Leander and didn't have much untoward to say, unless you count what he said about the company that Leander keeps

I have no idea what's going on with this man. I believe that he may be involved in some harmful magick-y malarky that is having unseen and horrific effects, or maybe he's simply a charismatic manipulator whose personality is just as monstrous as his peers. I have silly little theories but I would be very shrimpterested in hearing what other people have to say.

TLDR; there's something WRONG with this man and I will be spending the next two years crafting a version of him in my brain that is almost certainly dead-wrong but goodness won't it be fun

#talk talk talk #touchstarved #genuinely i am bedeviled by him #leander #leander touchstarved

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romanoffsbish · 6 months

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Excavate My Love

Originally titled “Oh Honey… You Should go to Therapy” 😗✌🏼| Hurt/Comfort | WC: 2,384

Natasha felt a tension in the air as soon as she entered your apartment, it was her home away from home since you were in it; she essentially lived here anyways. It had been only two months as a couple, but you'd known (and loved) each other for years by now. The words might not have left your timid lips yet, but you were feeling every ounce of joy and pain imaginable. The sensation was odd, to feel the conflicting emotions at the same time while also feeling that pure, raw love.

You were trembling with the need to say it to her, but you were petrified and having a nervous breakdown.

——

Natasha saw you pounding a fist into the side of your head as you sobbed and screamed incoherently. The redhead took you down with gentle precision. Her body pressing your thrashing one into the mattress.

"Detka, what's wrong?" Natasha slammed your arms into the bed and pressed your head into the pillow with her own, then she began to hum a soft, raspy lullaby. The thrashing came to an end when you felt her tear trail down your cheek, and mix with your sweaty hair.

You blinked rapidly and your mind came back to you before it escaped again, but now she was out in the open. The deepest of your fears came tumbling out.

"She won't love you back," you mumbled, mimicking your priorly echoing thoughts. "Don't say it dumbass."

Natasha was mortified, had she really not been clear enough? Her heart never stopped aching when she was apart from you, a side effect of the muscle finally being at rest unlike when it races beside yours everyday.

It sadly wasn't anything she did, and the same was to be said for what she could've done. This was inevitable, you were like clay, soft, fragile; destined to crack.

Fate, or more so, your childhood had led you here.

Your mother drowned her liver in booze and offered you tobacco stained cheek kisses as you were ushered out of the house in ill fitting clothes, hair sopping wet in the dead of a New York Winter. The chill froze your childish face, skin stinging as the warmth of your tears began to defrost your chubby cheeks. It was fitting.

Unlike your parents, with each other or parenthood.

Your dad only came around from time to time to see (use) your mother. They'd made your little brother while you played outside, the streets empty of kids as the lights flickered on, but you weren't alone, you had your growing family of broken rocks to talk to. And the neighbors to eat from because your mother gave up the grocery money so your dad could enter the lottery.

At school you'd do stupid things, like eat food off the floor with a shoe print as a dare, because just like every time before he lost, and you paid the ultimate price.

It was a wonder how you even got this far in life. That the ability to love another wasn't missing, but in the pits of the fire you wished it was. It was all too much.

You only learned how to love from shitty television like Grey's Anatomy and corny romcoms. Oddly enough, the contradictions brought you a sense of peace. The hope was vaguely flickering inside of you, but the looming tragedy was always just a breath away. It was oddly comforting to see love at both ultimate extremes.

It softened the blow of your life. Watching Callie and Arizona is what made you realize you loved women. That and while everyone was drooling over the odd McMen, the resident Christina Yang, held your heart in the palm of her hands. Unapologetically herself, with a middle finger up to society, and everything that you found charming in a woman; in your Natasha.

Meredith reminded you too much of yourself, as you too took the worst parts of your parents to make up your personality. Until Natasha, you too found yourself drowning your liver most nights, following in your mother's footsteps, then after you were seeing blobs instead of people, your fathers as you took women home for fun. Breaking their hearts, but unlike him, the rubber was fastened to your waist with efficiency.

You were cold, and downright sadistic. You'd whisper lusty things into their ears, along with the sweet, building up their hopes for something more. Then you'd kick them out, in the dead of winter—your cousins taxi service made loads of money off of you.

You didn't care; love had only ever left you bruised.

That's why you sent the women anonymous apology flowers, because you obviously didn't care. You were as cold as the ice that encased your parent's hearts, or you at least tried to be. Truth be told though, beneath the well polished, stoic surface you were just a fragile little thing in search of a nurturing kind of love.

The love of a mother one would suppose, alas...

You hadn't seen or heard from her in over a decade. Except for when she tried to hustle you out of money the moment they saw you with Natasha online. Up until then they hadn't called you, it was sickening.

Your parents had kicked you out at sixteen when they caught you kissing Lily; they weren't homophobic. That you knew because your mom used to bone your ex-godmother and your father had special toys and modern women ran in the opposite direction of him (his decayed, crooked smile was genuinely off putting).

Your father tossed you out, but your mother slammed the door. After midnight, once your dad had gone to sleep she exited her house with a bag of your things. Flashes of a group home raced through your mind and you felt the tears sting your icy cheeks, a tobacco kiss laid to your skin to be followed by a deafening silence.

Her loss stung more. With him it was expected, but not with her because it wasn't always like this, but when she lost her mind that ability to love unconditionally followed. She didn't need him, yet she let him call the shots, choosing a twisted affair over the everlasting love of a child—her instincts barren. You don't exactly remember everything, some of the memories have been buried deep in your psyche, but the core ones never leave, they haunt you endlessly. You'll never forget the image of your little brother crying, face pressed to his window as he watched you leaving.

Your parents were the nightmare that hid behind the fable that is the American Dream. They were vile and you reckon he's the only reason your heart worked.

Your heart that beat for only a select few people. One of them being the woman restraining you to a bed.

"Y/N," Natasha said your name for the millionth time, "I need you to come back to me now moya lyubov'."

Your lip began to tremble and she could feel the shake of your skin with her forehead pressed to yours. "Oh honey," she'd coo'd, which really only set you back off as you felt entirely too undeserving of her love.

You knew you were deserving of some love though.

"I deserved better," you mumbled and her heart froze as she hadn't heard the phrase clearly. "W-what?" The redhead had been trying not to blame herself but now she wasn't so sure if she heard your words correctly.

She hadn't, and you forcefully pushed her back some to repeat your prior words. "And so do you Nat."

"Y/N," she said in a plea, "You're making no sense."

"I'm not good enough for you Natasha! I am hellish!"

Natasha scoffed, "You are plenty good!"

"No, I'm really not."

"Knock it off!" Natasha was pissed, but not at you. It all was making sense to her now and she couldn't cope with the appearing reality. "I'm damaged goods Natasha, how could you ever want me?" I-If my own parents didn't want me, then neither should you."

Natasha never had parents, so she didn't understand. But as she felt you trying to hit yourself (again), making her—the Black Widow, actually struggle she's not sure she really wanted to. Alexei and Melina, who gave her back to Dreykov seemed better to her now.

"Detka please," the woman pleaded, the croak in her voice bringing you to a sudden stop. In a split second the woman had rolled off of you, which nearly made you whine but your body followed hers. Natasha now sat with her back to the headboard with you between her legs, your head gently cradled to her chest while her other hand cautiously pressed into your back.

The redhead said nothing, partly because she wanted to give you space, but also because she didn't want to scare you off. You'd just voiced your wish to leave, and for her sake nonetheless. Silent tears streamed down her face as she prematurely mourned your love story.

Tragedy was more fitting. Natasha was conditioned not to feel and you went from batches of numb to these moments of total despair that you usually hid well. So well even that Natasha is only just seeing it, there were cracks in your resolve before, but never to this extent. Natasha was rightfully worried, she also understood.

The world was a cruel place, with unfair rules and devious people in charge. You were both outcasts in terms of societal standards, but you shouldn't be because one's past mistakes, or moments of despair shouldn't make up the entire person's story. They deserved better than to be held with such ignorance.

"I never had anything to call my own before you."

You jumped, startled by her voice that was full of fatigue and pain after an hour of eery silence. It had you sitting up, against her push, and facing her more directly. Breaking you even further, if that was even possible, as you saw her unmistakably bloodshot eyes.

"Natasha," you whimpered, hand traveling up to clean her face of tears, she smiled fondly as her lips pressed to your palm before she lifted her head to hold eye contact more fiercely. "What I deserve is you, Y/N."

"I-."

"I deserve to hold you in times like these, and to get the chance to show you how much I love you. Because I do detka, with all of me, and it's okay: our love is safe."

"No love is safe," you chuckled bitterly and she sighed, "Ours is Y/N, because we will work to make it such. I promise you that I will protect you from the worst."

"You can't promise that."

"I can," she cut you off, "I can and I will because the option of you leaving is not one I'll ever align with."

"I'm messed up Nat." The redhead nodded, lips lifting into a pained smile. "I know honey, but that's okay."

"Is it?" Natasha nodded again, and pulled your body even closer, your chests now touching. "For now, yes."

"What about the later?" You brokenly inquired.

"I would be there too, but I hope the later is better," she murmured against your cheek, lips softly kissing your wet skin. "I'll do anything to make sure you are okay detka. You are my main priority, which is why I plan to move in, officially, and take care of you."

"Nat—." Your rebuttal was cut off by a sweet kiss. "None of that detka, just tell me you love me too."

Your heart pounded in your chest, and you wondered if she felt the rumble too. If she did, she took no offense as she smiled at you, it was uncharacteristically timid.

You saw a flicker of doubt in her eyes; Natasha needed to hear them just as much as you needed to shout 'em.

Which is why you blurted, "I love you so much it burns, like if I took my shirt off my skin might be torched."

Natasha chuckled, unintentionally, because she knew you'd mistake the affection for mockery. "I love you so much that it feels like I'm without a heart when away. My mission's efficiency rates are so high because of it."

A sigh of relief left her when you chuckled, it was also in relief, she knew that much as your body stopped squirming; you stayed in her lap and pouted instead.

She chuckled, "What is it now lyubov'?" Natasha knew by the glow of your eyes that she could be playful now. You knew she already knew what you wanted, but you leaned up and stole a kiss on principle of being a brat.

"I'm sorry."

"No," Natasha softly scolded you. "I'm sorry detka, for not seeing you were in so much pain and suffering with your feelings. I should have made you feel my love."

"I did feel you Natty, I-I just couldn't believe in it."

"Why not?"

"It's never been true before, every person who's ever made me feel loved was only ever placating me," you solemnly said, "I know they didn't intend to do it, in the beginning they felt something, but it was a selfish fulfillment sorta thing. I have always been the person people go to in search of unconditional love, because I will give it without question, they'd twist it out of me. But you weren't twisting, and it's all so confusing."

"That's not love," Natasha grimaced, "I'm not an expert here Y/N, in fact I'm a late bloomer with the entire feeling, but I know now that I'd never give this up."

"Most days I feel like giving up, my mind is a void and you deserve a partner that doesn't come with that."

"Please stop pushing that," Natasha sighed, exhaustion obvious as she ran her free hand down her face. "I'm not going anywhere, you deserve someone that stays."

You mulled over her words for a long minute, both of you holding your breath, and only ever releasing it as you nuzzled into her warmth and whispered, "Then I'm glad it's you, my fiercest protector, my love, my Natty."

"My precious love," Natasha followed, "My beautiful, strong, resilient as one can be, detka—my Y/N."

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff hurt comfort #natasha romanoff angst #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff oneshot #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff fanfic #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha x reader #natasha x y/n #natasha romanoff x female reader #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha x you #natasha x fem!reader #gxg

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k-tarotz · 4 months

Note

I dont know if this reading is okay. But can you do: How Enha (hyung line) would defend or react to a friend/ girlfriend /someone important to them being provoked in an arguement. *Their friend being passive*

I don't know if this makes sense. I hope you understand what I just said😅 And if this is too sensitive, kindly disregard. Thankyou💞

hii thank you for sending in this ask!!! we both think it’s very interesting <3

six of pentacles, four of wands, the sun

heeseung: Heeseung is the type to stand with his loved one, even if he knows that they are wrong. The type to look calm from the outside but rage inside. This is on purpose actually! He is the kind of person to provoke the person who provokes his loved one in an even more extreme manner, sometimes crossing some lines with it too. But he never specifically looses his cool, never gets worked up exactly so the person feels even more rage and anger. It’s all about control and making the person loose their mind. He would do his best to stand up for his loved one in the best way possible. Though he would still be extremely supportive towards his loved one, if they stand up for themselves he would take their side, adding to their points as a mean of support. Hyping them up even! He doesn’t even have to be asked to do all this, he would just because he can and want to. Though, he only does this in situations he knows he can “win”. In more serious times he is scared to be confrontational and would rather aim for a resolution that’s good for everyone. He seems to have a flight response in serious situations and a fight in none serious ones due to not being sure how to properly deal with conflicts in the moment they are happening. After the situation calms down he would know how to resolve issues though.

knight of swords, ten of swords, page of swords

jay: Jay is the type of person to be protective over the people he loves, wether it’s a platonic feeling or not. He doesn’t like to see his loved one go through hardships, so would feel annoyed as soon as his loved one is provoked. He is the type to be confrontational and stand up for whoever he loves, though he doesn’t want to embarrass whoever he is defending so he would try to keep his emotions under control even though he usually struggles with it. Though, his mood would still show. The way he reacts to this usually depends on how serious the situation is, but regardless he would stand up for the person he loves. Usually be more serious than they are since he feels things really deep. He wouldn’t necessarily provoke the person back unless he thinks it’s the right thing to do. Usually, he would do what he thinks is the most effective in the way, so his actions would depend on context and his loved ones boundaries. So he could do anything from (verbal) fights, to inconveniencing the provoking person to rationally taking them apart so the person feels bad about themselves. He might take such things to heart, alternating his view on the provoking person permanently. Although, he isn’t likely to take things too far unless he is emotionally triggering but it’s unlikely to happen as he prefers to keep rational. Overall he wouldn’t focus on “winning” but making the person regret the decision to mistreat his loved one.

queen of wands, six of pentacles, king of cups

jake: For Jake, it depends on the situation itself. For the most part, as long as the provoking isn’t malicious or harmful he would do his best to ease the situation in a way it pleases both sides involved to avoid unnecessary drama. He would try to understand and hear both sides out, validate the feelings of both yet make sure no one steps out of line and people apologise if necessary. However, if the person provokes with malicious intentions that’s a different story. He might become passive aggressive and he will only care about defending his loved one. Once he gets mad at the person provoked he would refuse to back up from protecting them, he might even lose his cool. It’s not that he has a clear goal or ambition in mind towards the other person such as winning or making them feel bad but rather that his loved one knows he won’t allow anyone to disrespect them in front of him. So, overall maybe avoiding such a situation happening in the future again. If he gets enough mad he might even raise his voice and not hear out the person that provoked his loved one. Rather, he would make sure to directly tell them what they did and every negative opinion he might have. Though, that’s only if the situation is really serious.

page of pentacles, the queen of swords, king of swords

sunghoon: Sunghoon isn’t the type to get into arguments even if his loved one gets provoked, however he will still defend his loved one, stand up for them and even if it means getting into disagreements. In fact, out of the hyung line he is the most confrontational one, but unless the person is extremely disrespectful he wouldn’t argue because he knows how to take charge of the situation. Instead of blindly hating on and accusing the provoking person he would destroy their mood and confidence in the actions they do with pure honesty. The type of person that knows they are correct and stands by their beliefs with a confident manner but still owns up to their mistakes. So, if he was to disagree with someone the feeling of ‘ah, maybe I am/x is really in the wrong’ would sink in deep, and his words would make the atmosphere feel heavier. (Even if it’s unintentional) It’s not that he doesn’t get mad, he does, and it’s obvious by his expression, behavior, attitude and mannerism but rather he would be able to keep under control to the best of his abilities, which would allow him to call the person out for acting irrationally. He isn’t afraid to use harsh words or question them either, his goal is to get the person to admit that they are in the wrong and he can do it very well. In fact, he is so calm and respectful yet confrontational during it that it might intimidate people because they know that once he gets _really_ mad he might not act this respectful. Usually he might end up hurting the person’s feelings in order to protect his loved one’s feelings, making them ashamed even. It’s not on purpose either, he is just very straightforward and honest all while being stubborn and refusing to back down. Even if his loved one says it’s okay to not he would still stand up for them, because to him it’s not an option but a duty. If you love someone you have to stand up for them so they know you do and that they matter to you. He believes this goes both for platonic and romantic relationships. He might tone it down a little if his loved one is uncomfortable but he wouldn’t necessarily stop until the person that has been provoking them backs down, apologises or feels bad with themselves. Whatever that shows that they know they are in the wrong.

disc.: sorry for making sunghoon’s longer than the others’! his energy came through really strongly and it’s most possible because he would talk way more than he usually does in a situation like this! 🫶🏻

– Candy

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lunamochii · 1 year

Text

Need you close to me || part I

Synopsis; Just like Spider Soccoro, you grew up together with the Sully kids. Although when you got older, you stayed most the time in the lab. Trying to perfect your project of making your own avatar. Although this has made Neteyam worry for you to the point he almost forgot his duties.

warning; y/n have acrophobia, Neteyam being the sweetest, fluff, angst

1.8k words

a/n; hope you will like my first fanfic on Avatar! Characters may be out of character but please bear with me! Reblogs and feedbacks are very appreciated🤍 request are open!

part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5

—

“You’re out of your mind!”

Flinching at his sudden increase of his voice, you get why his mad right now it’s all because Spider spilled the project you are making during the shared dinner you had with the Sully’s

You glance at your side and flip your finger to Spider who have a grin plastered on to his face. You flinch again when you felt Neteyam’s gaze at you

“I just want to experience the same feeling Jake experienced okay!”

“Dad was an adult! Of course he can handle the side effects!“

You huff and march away from them, you got back to the lab so fast and you slam the door so loud that it might have echoed throughout the forest

Neteyam pinch his forehead and hisses with annoyance and immediately followed you, Lo’ak and Spider look at each other and grin knowing that you and Neteyam are just fools in love but can’t admit

Neteyam composed himself before knocking on the door “It’s me princess..”

“Go away skxwang”

He rolled his eyes and tilt the lock and let him self in and he saw you sitting on a table, hugging your legs and he can hear your soft sobs

He shook his head and went closer as he put his hands on both of your side and lowered him self to your level

“I’m just worried Y/N, my father often tell us that on the making of their avatar there are sometimes conflicts.. I’m just..”

You look up and Neteyam smiled softly as he wipe your tears

“I’m just afraid that something will happen to you”

“Norm and Max is helping me. Trust me in this one, please Teyam?” You replied while rubbing your cheeks on his big palms, Neteyam close his eyes and when he opened his eyes once again he stared right at your eyes as if he can see beyond, you felt your cheeks heat up making you push him away as you got down from the table

“I gotta go now, Norm and Max still needs me to complete the project”

He watch you walk away and he found him self staring at his palm, your warmth lingering, he clench his hand and brought it to his lips

“Guide me, greatmother…”

+ next day +

“You sure you wanna do this?”

Max ask you and you reply with a nod. Max and Norm nod at each other as you lay down on the machine, your heart beating fast as they slowly close the pod

“Relax Y/N”

Max told you before completely closing the door, you shut your eyes close and leave the rest to them

+ somewhere in the forest +

“Stop walking back and forth Neteyam… I’m getting dizzy”

Tuk muttered and went to hug her older sister, the oldest let out a sigh and finally sat down which made everyone sigh in content

It has been 5 hours ever since Spider informed them that Y/N decided to test out their project, both Jake and Neytiri went to check but in Neteyam’s mind he can’t help but feel restless

He was about to go when he heard the whistling of his dad and when they finally landed, he saw him helping someone get down

The moment your legs touch the ground it immediately wobbled and you found yourself catching your breath, hand over your chest as you close your eyes

“Are you okay?”

Neytiri is beside you, rubbing your back as you weakly nod and the woman help you get up. Putting your arms around her neck

“You’ll get use to it, princess”

You smiled weakly to Jake and Neytiri as you guys walk towards to their home. Who knew that your acrophobia will still act up even in your avatar form and YES.

You together with Norm and Max succeeded on the project although after this you don’t know when you will be able to experience being on your avatar body again. You saw the group of people gathered in one hut, you immediately recognized them as you wave to them

“Y/N! It’s Y/N!”

Tuk got on her feet and came running straight to you, letting a small laugh as you pat her head. Kiri went to your side and place her forehead to yours, as you smile at her warmly

“Whoa! Now you can finally spend a lot more time with us!”

You laugh at Lo’ak’s remarks knowing full well he will be disappointed later on that you still need to do some observation on this new body of yours

“Sit for now Y/N. You still ought to gain strength”

“Yes, Neytiri”

You bow your head down slightly as you watch the Sully couple walk away from the hut. The second the parents left their eyes away from their childrens, Neteyam immediately sat down beside you and place your head on his chest, kissing the crown of your head

His one arm wrap around your waist, you sigh in relief and make your self be at ease on his embrace. You notice Spider staring at you making you smile

“Don’t worry Spider, I will als—“

“It’s fine. I don’t need a avatar to beat Lo’ak ass everytime we compete”

“Hey!”

And that’s the start of their bickering in which often you see inside the lab. Kiri and Tuk excuse their self not wanting to hear more and Lo’ak challenged Spider to some race only Eywa knows where

You are left with Neteyam and you can feel his gaze, his thumb rubbing the back of your hands

The you in front of him is a new sight for him. You are already beautiful when you are human, you’re even more beautiful on your avatar form

“You don’t know how agonizing it was for me, those hours were pure torture”

You laugh and move away from him although you are still holding his hands

“I’m here now, ain’t I? So.. how about teaching me to ride and climb?”

Neteyam shook in disbelief as he stood up and pulled you up. You can also tell that the weakness you felt on your legs were gone, he called out his ikran and the fear of flying again is engulfing you once more

“Don’t be afraid, pretty. I’m here”

He said and swoop you up, placing you infront of him as he connected his queue to his ikran and you immediately wrap your arms around his neck, earning a laugh from the future Olo’eyktan

“Open your eyes, my love”

Opening your eyes slowly, you saw how grand it is to see the floating island this much close. Since down on the ground all you could see is the large trees and the clouds. You can’t help but scream as you stretch your arms, letting out your pure joy

“See? Told you that you’ll like it” Neteyam is wearing his infamous smirk and you giggled as you put both of your hands on the side of his cheeks and give him a quick kiss

“I love it!!”

Neteyam blink twice before joining you on your hoorah, the both of you very much enjoying the time. He took you to all the beautiful spots that he knows, spots that only he knows, spots that holds dear to him, spots where he swore one day he would take you to

Neteyam can give up everything just for you, for him to see you smile like that always, for him to hear you laugh, to feel you.

You turn around and hug him tight, he hug you back and the both of you just spent a couple of minutes hugging before deciding to head back to their home

Neytiri and Jake watch as their eldest get off of his ikran assisting his fated mate, you got down having a wide smile and you kissing Neteyam on the cheeks as you jog towards Tuk

“Reminds me of us back then” Neytiri said as she look at Jake

“Yeah but I wonder where that boy got his moves” Neytiri laugh at her husband remarks, surely Jake is oblivious to the things he did back in the past

———

The night fell upon the pandora and the pod you laid in opened as Max and Norm help you get up, you can’t help but feel dizzy that you wanted to throw up. The moment your feet touch the ground your vision black out and the last thing you remembered was Norm and Max screaming your name

———

The moment Neteyam woke up he immediately went to the hut where your avatar is supposed to be resting but his brows furrowed when he saw no one is laying down there

“Bro bro! Follow me quickly!”

Neteyam didn’t question his brother and immediately rode his ikra towards the lab

There he found his father inside with his mom calming Kiri and Tuk, he got inside and Lo’ak together with Spider tried to stop him entering further

“She could have exerted her self when she was out, she was coughing up blood when she got back”

He heard one of his friends dad say and his head whipped to the girl laying on a bed, he saw the wires connecting to her body. He even saw her avatar that was just on his arms yesterday

His ears droop down, tail hang low as he watch his mate through the glass. Jake saw his son and he excuse himself and the two sky people return on doing all they can to monitor and make sure you’ll be okay

Jake tap the shoulder of his son letting him know that his here, that his family is here

“Let’s go back for now Neteyam. She’ll wake up soon don’t worry”

Neteyam clench his fist and shook the hand of his father making Jake stun, his boy never did this, not even once

“I want to stay here father”

He sounded stern, Jake wanted to protest but he just let out a sigh before patting the head of his son and walking out together with the rest of their family. Spider was kind enough to stay back and be with Neteyam.

———

It’s been weeks ever since he last spoken to you and he is going sane as the day goes by, he needs to feel your warm, your palm against his cheeks, your smile, your laugh, your everything!

Neteyam is touch starve if only he can go in and hold your hand but all he can do is stare at you. His even skipping the hunt and forgetting his duties

Resting his forehead against the glass, he close his eyes and prays to Eywa to bring his mate back or he will lose sanity soon

“Need to see and touch you, my Y/N..”

#neteyam x y/n #neteyam #neteyam x reader #avatar the way of water #atwow fanfiction #atwow x you #atwow neteyam #jake sully #kiri sully #spider socorro #neytiri sully #tuktirey sully #sully family #lo’ak sully #neteyam fic #atwow fandom #fluff #angst

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icallhimjoey · 1 year

Text

To Have And To Scold

♥ ♥ Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your best friends are getting married, and who else can they ask to be their best man and maid of honour but you and Joe? It’s just that… you don’t really get along all that well, do you? At least, that’s what you think.

CW / disclaimer: sort of enemies to sort of lovers, slooow burn, language, drinking, mention of vomitting, rpf, fem!reader, eventual smut

Author’s note: we get drunk in this one! and, little side note: Mark's not the worst. Stupid, sure. But we love him still.

Wordcount: 4.6K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five - part six - part seven - part eight - part nine - part ten - epilogue

Something was wrong.

The wedding shower looked great - people were chatting, drinking, laughing. Mark and Poppy were stood near the entrance to greet everyone who came in, to receive gifts, to welcome family and friends. Sometimes excited raised voices alerted everyone in the room when someone who said they wouldn't be able to make it walked in through the doors. There was hugging and there were smiles and Joe was happy, because Poppy seemed happy.

Joe found the best venue. The perfect place for a wedding shower. Not extremely formal, not too wedding-y. But nice.

Still. Something was off. It started with you showing up way later than Joe thought you would've.

Drunk.

Joe saw you enter from where he was stood by the bar. He'd been chatting to a colleague of Mark who had recognised him, and immediately had all sorts of questions. About being an actor. About the industry. About the people Joe worked with. All things Joe didn't mind talking about, but this was bad timing.

You'd just walked in, with half-lidded eyes and a dopey smile, and you were quick to sling both your arms around Poppy. You let your body fall into her fully, and Joe saw Poppy stumble back at the surprise of having to unexpectedly carry your full bodyweight. You slurred some things into her ear, things that made her look at her fiancé with a worried glint in her eyes.

Looking at the two of you hug, Joe realised he could still feel you in his arms if he thought about it long enough. The way you just... fit him so perfectly. Had relaxed into his hold so readily. You'd only sobbed maybe twice before your breathing had steadied. He fixed it. Sort of had to, Joe thought. He'd asked you a question that he hadn't expected such an emotional answer to, and he'd regretted asking it the second he saw you well up.

He'd done that. Was responsible for that. Felt awful for it, too.

How could Joe not have hugged you?

It had been such a short, quick thing. Effective, though. You'd stopped crying just as fast as you'd started. The moment had been so small, but definitely special.

To Joe, at least.

But Joe knew he was on thin ice. Joe remembered your shared moment in vivid colours, but he also remembered the fact that Poppy breaking it up by her loud knock on the window had made him feel like he'd been caught cheating.

Ever since then, he'd been riddled with conflicted feelings.

Needed to make sure he kept distance. That he wasn't going to fuck it all up.

So he made sure that this party was perfect. Perfect venue, perfect bar staff, perfect DJ and perfect guest list. Even the lighting! Brightly coloured lights, all pinks and peaches, no blue tones to be detected. Joe had thought of everything to please Poppy. To make sure she was pleased with him.

Joe saw how you squeezed Poppy until it hurt her, and then you didn't greet Mark at all. Instead, you beelined it straight to the bar where you ordered two gin and tonics.

Even though fucking gorgeous, Joe could see how you were staining this beautiful affair. A big dollop of ketchup on a pristine white shirt, and this party wasn't allowed any stains.

Why the fuck were you drunk already?

From a distance, Joe saw Mark clench his jaw as Poppy touched his arm. She seemed to tell him to calm down, or, something along those lines at least. To not pay you any mind, perhaps.

But you just necked a full glass and seemed ready to throw back the second one too.

This had disaster written all over it.

Joe had to step in.

Do something.

Mark's mother found you, and you greeted her warmly. She'd been talking to Poppy's mother, and since you were greeting and hugging already anyway, you also leant in to embrace her.

You and Poppy's mother had never hugged before, ever.

Joe saw from her face that it was a little unexpected. You really squeezed her properly before you let go and found the straw in your drink with your tongue.

Classy.

Where you'd just seconds earlier greeted the two mum's like they were your own, now, it was like they didn't even exist to you. You stood and looked across the room, eyes roaming, your mind somewhere else entirely.

"Excuse me," Joe said to Mark's colleague who was still talking to him, and he made his way over to you.

"Hey,"

"There he is," you slurred through narrow eyes, all exaggerated suspicion, and one of your hands wrapped around his forearm by ways of greeting. Nails dug in harshly, and your teeth did the same to your bottom lip as you frowned.

"What's going on, are you all right?"

None of this was normal. Not that the two of you ever were or had been, but, you were fucking plastered.

You had a hard time keeping your eyes straight, and there was something vengeful about you, Joe thought.

You shrugged, spat, "Ask Mark," before spotting Mark's brother over Joe's shoulder and quickly stepping around him to make your way over.

There was no hug for Mark's brother, but just a sloppy high five, followed by lots of giggles and spilt gin and tonic. You were barely able to keep your balance, and when Joe checked on Poppy and Mark, he saw they were watching you as well.

In fact, Joe took a scan of the whole room, and from almost all directions you had eyes on you.

You looked good, still. Banging body in a banging dress. You still smelled lovely, your perfume lingered, and you didn't have a hair out of place. Skin all dewey, all healthy looking... it did something to Joe.

You looked fucking amazing if you asked him.

But you swayed on your feet. Laughed loudly. Fell into the people you were talking to. Held onto them for balance. It was so clear that you were well past the point of being just a little tipsy.

Jesus Christ, was Joe going to have to ask you to leave?

Joe and Poppy made eye-contact, and she beckoned him with a nod of her head.

"She's pissed," Poppy said the second Joe stepped into earshot. Yea, no shit you were pissed.

"I'll go tell the bar staff to only give her mocktails," Joe said, already thinking of solutions, of how to keep the peace.

"No, she'll notice," Mark grumbled, and rubbed his face. He seemed annoyed.

"So go apologise," Poppy said, and Mark was quick to react, "I have! I have apologised! Like, seventeen times!"

Joe had no idea what was going on, but he used context clues. It sounded like Mark had fucked up one way or another.

"Make it eighteen," Poppy hissed and pointed in your direction.

Joe could see people around trying to piece together what was going on. A hushed conversation between the three of them, Poppy's extended arm pointed your way - this wasn't difficult to understand. They were figuring something out, and so, nobody interfered.

Mark sighed.

"She's too far gone, it's of no use now. Saying sorry won't do anything. It'll just kick things off again. I honestly didn't think she'd come tonight,"

"Mark, this is our wedding shower, of course she's here. Listen, I'm not going to let–"

"Don't put this on me!"

"I'm not, but, she's your best man!"

Mark and Poppy started bickering a little too loud for Joe's comfort.

"I'll," Joe spoke up loudly, shutting the two of them up instantly. "I'll take care of this,"

"No-" Mark started, one hand up to stop Joe, but Poppy shot him a glare and said, "Let him," and all Mark could do was sigh and let his hand ball into a fist that bumped Joe on the shoulder.

A look was shared between the two men. Joe thought it meant, good luck, but Mark wasn't really sure what he meant. He didn't know what he could've said that would've helped Joe before he turned and made his way back over to you.

Joe politely interrupted the conversation you were having. Mark's brother immediately helped out and diverted your attention to Joe.

"Come," Joe said into your ear, "Let's go sit somewhere,"

Compliant, you immediately followed, much to Joe's surprise. He wasn't going to let you notice that, though.

Joe lead you to seats near the short end of the bar, furthest away from the entrance. It was a little tucked away, but pretty much still out in the open. Mark and Poppy would have had to move just by a few steps to see around the bar, to see the two of you.

You fell into a seat. Nearly missed it. Joe had to reach and grab you by the arm to make sure you didn't topple over.

"Mark says he's sorry," Joe started, but said it all casually like it wasn't a huge deal, and it made you scoff at him.

"Mark can go suck a thousand dicks,"

Joe couldn't help but stifle a laugh as he signed for water to bar staff.

"I'm sure he could,"

"No, he fucking can't," you immediately argued, your face all scrunched up. "He wouldn't know what to even DO with a thousand dicks."

"Mmh, well, I don't..." Joe raised a shoulder. "A thousand is a lot of dicks, to be fair,"

Joe got handed two glasses of water, and held one out to you.

"Drink this,"

"Fuck off," you refused, but didn't put a lot of effort in when Joe forced the glass into your hands.

"Drink it." Joe said sternly.

So, you did. When you wanted to lower the glass after one small sip, Joe didn't let you. Using two fingers pressed to the bottom of the glass, he made sure you downed the full thing.

You gasped for air when you slammed the empty glass down.

"You're– dick," you grumbled.

"I– .... my dick?"

You thought it was stupid how Joe was humouring you. Like you were a toddler.

"Why are we talking about my penis?" Joe's brow was set in a deep frown, but the corners of his mouth gave away the smile underneath.

You sloppily shrugged, all annoyed.

"It's probably pretty, isn't it? You know, in dick terms,"

You got all angry again, but now it was all aimed at Joe instead of at Mark. Which was good, Joe thought.

"Golden boy Joseph," you started, speaking into the room louder than Joe cared for. "Posh little squeaky-clean Joey, with his beautiful pretty penis, ugh, you're the worst,"

Even your facial expressions were slow and messy.

"That's all right," Joe just said. It made you cover your face with both your hands, elbows up on the table, and you groaned loudly.

"You're not the worst, Mark's the worst,"

Oh. Back to Mark.

"And apparently I'm the worst for wanting a plus one,"

You slung your arms about.

"I don't even want to bring anyone!" you defended, "I just asked why I didn't get one because he'd been all vague about it, and he still hasn't fucking said why,"

You nearly hit the empty glass in front of you.

"Careful," Joe warned, sliding it away from you, just in case.

"But obviously I'm awful for even bringing it up,"

Joe saw you look around, in search of Mark, he assumed. You got up a little from your seat, and leant heavily on the small table.

Unable to find him, you opted to just shout, "I'm clearly the worst friend," loudly into the room.

With a warm palm to your shoulder, Joe pushed you to sit back down and as you fell into your chair, your head bobbled.

You looked like you could use some sleep.

Or, some food.

You sighed deeply, clearly annoyed at... everything. Mark, mostly.

Looking at you, there was an overwhelming feeling to protect within Joe. To shield, even if he was unaware of what, exactly.

He just... he needed to make sure you were safe, and he'd use the excuse of Mark keeping tabs on him again if he needed to. It was an easy cover-up. Even if the two of you were fighting, you knew Mark would still need to make sure you were all right. But the way Joe was prepared to throw his own flesh and blood in between you and whatever could do you harm felt new.

He could’ve never seen it coming.

You were strong. Held the strength of thousands. Were stubborn and didn’t let people mess with you. You could be harsh, and sharp, and if Joe said something wrong, you would always make him feel that he did. Would just get up and leave without feeling bad about it.

But now Joe understood it was all coping. It was how you’d been shaped. By the years. By others. And Joe wanted to undo it. To fix it. Keep you safe.

From where he was sat, he made eye-contact with Poppy's mother. She looked a little worried, but Joe just smiled. Gave her a little wave. Signaled it was all good, even though he really wasn't sure if it was.

De-escalate. Take deep breaths. They always helped.

Joe kept looking around. Seeing if he could find Mark after not finding him in the spot he'd been in before. He either needed to get the two of you together, or needed to keep you as far apart as possible at this party. He wasn’t sure which one was better right now. But he needed to at least know of Mark’s whereabouts so that he could decide what was best later.

A loud gulp of air next to him made Joe turn to look at you.

You were crying. Holding it in, doing deep breaths to not let any audible sobs out, but your mascara was leaving dark tear stains all the way down to your chin.

“Fuck," Joe muttered, and was quick. Looked for napkins, checked tables and the bar surface, but there were none. He then patted his pockets, and immediately screwed up his face - did Joe think he was carrying a handkerchief? Had he ever done that in his life?

Without anything else around, he then just used his forearm and pressed the inside of it over your cheek, getting the left side of your face.

You immediately grabbed hold of it, and turned Joe’s arm in your hands to show him what he’d done.

Black and brown make-up stains on his white sleeve.

“I’ll have it dry cleaned,” he said, twisting his arm out of your grip, “Close your eyes,” and then, he got the other cheek.

You couldn’t help but laugh. Of course Joe didn’t wash his own shirts.

"I think I need to leave," you then hiccuped, eyes still closed, Joe now softly wiping the fabric of his shirt against your face. He used the hem to get real close under your eyes, letting fresh tears disappear into the cotton.

"Nah, just need to sober up," Joe said, all casual. Like you hadn't just made an awful entrance and were very clearly ruining your best friend's wedding shower.

"Here." Joe then said, and pushed the second glass of water towards you a little. You'd assumed before that that was Joe's glass, but noticed it was still full and realised he'd gotten both glasses for you to drink.

"They want you here. You're the best man after all,"

"I'm not so sure anymore," you said after downing more water. "He said some dumb shit, about how I always think everyone's in love with me," you winced, "Knows right where to fucking stab me,"

"Joe!"

Poppy called for him, and when Joe looked, he saw she was smiling. Happily chatting away in a group of girls, some of them bridesmaids, and she beckoned him to come over.

"All right, finish that. I'll be right back, okay? Don't move." Joe said to you before he dashed off.

You watched him walk away before your eyes landed on the glass in front of you.

Water was stupid. Tasted of nothing but your own saliva.

Water could go and fuck itself, like Mark could go fuck himself.

Water could go suck a million dicks, for all you cared.

You wanted more gin.

Mark sucked. And gin didn't.

Poppy pulled Joe into conversation. The girls said Joe's suit had to match their bridesmaids dresses, since he was part of their group. Joe agreed, politely smiled, said he'd wear whatever shade of pink he had to. Poppy swore he looked good in anything, and Joe jokingly agreed that he did.

People were laughing. Having fun. Some started dancing, and Joe thought to himself that this wedding shower was fun. Poppy was smiling, and so he was happy too.

Joe didn't forget about you, but in the crowd, being amongst people, he got swallowed up into conversation for a little bit. Into jokes. Into chats with friends and family, and people were interested in him. Wanted to know all sorts of things, asked him questions, wanted to tell him things.

When Joe eventually made his way back over after a little bit, you were gone, and your table held five glasses - one still with some water in. Four empty. Three with straws in.

Shit.

You'd not listened at all; hadn't finished the water, and you'd clearly moved.

The venue wasn't huge, but it was fairly packed. Looking around, it was impossible to quickly spot you.

He spotted Mark, though.

"Hey,"

"She's vomming," Mark said,

"Toilets?"

"Toilets."

Joe nodded, but didn't walk off yet.

"Do I... should we put her in a cab?"

Mark sighed and found his phone to check the time. The party had been going for a bit already, and Joe could tell he was annoyed.

"Where's Pop?"

"Mingling,"

"Okay, good. That's good."

A silence fell where Mark seemed to think about what would be the best course of action.

"We didn't give plus ones to people we know aren't seeing anyone," Mark then suddenly said, answering a question Joe didn't ask.

"That's why we didn't–"

"Yea man, no worries," Joe quickly replied. He needed Mark to know it wasn't an issue for him at all. Joe didn't want to be the cause of more drama, just wanted to make sure the rest of the night ran as smoothly as it could. Needed to, for Poppy.

"My mum's with her now, but–"

"I'll go, I'll take her outside and get her into a cab." Joe interjected, feeling like he should be the one to handle this. He was the maid of honour who had organised the wedding shower, after all.

"You and Poppy can stay," Joe pointedly said. Then he took Mark by both the shoulders, shook him firmly and pressed, "Celebrate. It's your wedding shower."

Mark turned to see Poppy laughing loudly. Good. Mark cared about a lot of things, but right now, the most important thing was for Poppy to enjoy herself tonight.

Joe found you in the ladies. Mark's mother was stood by the sinks with you, doing her best to wash and wipe the vomit from your hair.

You were a full mess of a girl.

"I'm taking over," Joe said, smiling politely.

"Are you taking her home?"

Joe had told Mark he'd just throw you into a taxi, but his mother made him commit to bringing you all the way to your doorstep.

"Of course," Joe had no other choice.

"Darling," Mark's mother turned back to you and grabbed hold of your face with both hands. A wide grin spread across it as your eyes remained closed. "You're going to get home, eat something, and go to sleep,"

The mere thought of food made you shudder.

"Nothing crazy, just some bread or something, carbs," she quickly added.

When Mark's mother turned to look at Joe again, Joe took it as his sign to take over.

"Come on, we're leaving. Let's go,"

Joe held out an arm, which was meant to just guide you. Get you in front of him so he could maybe hover both hands close to your shoulders to make sure you didn't bump into anything on your way out. Instead, you took hold of it and curled into it, and suddenly Joe had his arm around your neck as you leant into his side and he had to focus all his energy into keeping a straight face.

Getting you outside was easy. Getting rid of the blush on his cheeks wasn't. The fresh air made you push yourself into Joe more, and it made Joe mentally have to count to ten.

Joe was shielding and, fuck, it felt amazing, but he knew he was overstepping. There was no way in hell Joe was going to let people - let you be able to accuse him of taking advantage of a situation. Nothing he was going to do could lead to accusations, Joe needed to make sure of it. Nothing.

Deep breaths. They always helped.

And Joe had to take more deep breaths when a taxi stopped in front the two of you, and you didn't really make any moves to get in by your own accord.

Joe had to use his arms, his hands, his fingers, to manoeuvre you into the backseat and get you into a seatbelt.

"Where to, mate?"

And that's when Joe realised he didn't know your address.

He knew whereabouts you lived - he had walked you home that one time, remember? But what the fuck was your address?

"Um," Joe squeezed his eyes shut for a second.

What the fuck was your address?!

He could contact Poppy, or Mark, but the second he thought of either of them receiving a text or a call from him, he knew how that would make their mood drop. Joe didn't want to be a bother. Couldn't let you be more of a bother than you already had been.

"Just..." Joe looked at you. You were already asleep.

Then, he gave is own address to the cab driver and slid across the seat to get into his own seatbelt.

All right.

This was fine.

Joe had bread. He could give you some bread, have you sleep on his sofa, make sure you were actually okay, and, Joe checked his phone for the time, there'd still be enough time to make it back to the party.

Yes.

This was going to be fine.

You were going to be fine.

But Joe looked over, and you had your head slumped forward and were hanging into every turn and it looked painful.

Protect. Keep you safe.

Joe sighed, undid his seatbelt, got into the seat next to you, buckled up again, and used careful hands to push you into him. Give you something to rest your head on.

And you fucking snuggled.

Deep breaths, Joe. It wasn't that far to go still.

Joe took deep breaths for the rest of the trip, and then Joe took deep breaths as he held you up by slinging one of your arms around his neck as he got you into his house.

More deep breaths when he let you fall back onto his sofa and he saw your dress had ridden up.

More deep breaths as he went to the kitchen to get you bread like Mark's mother had said, and water too. A paracetamol sounded like a good plan as well.

More deep breaths when Joe stepped back into his living room to find an empty sofa.

Footsteps on his stairs.

Fuck.

Joe called for you, followed where the noise came from, and saw you disappear onto the landing.

Fucking fuck. Shit.

With the bread, water, all of it in hand, Joe quickly toed his shoes off and rushed up the stairs after you. Picked up the handbag you'd dropped halfway. He heard the rustling of his duvet and knew he was too late.

Tonight Joe was going to be the one to sleep on the sofa.

Joe wasn't prepared for the sight of you in his bed, your feet still in heels that stuck out on the side. It made him feel too many things at once, your face pressed into his pillow, on his side of the bed. He didn't even care that he'd just witnessed someone washing vomit from your hair.

He placed the water, food and medicine down on his bedside table and knelt down to take your shoes off for you.

Joe was touching the skin of your ankles with his fingertips and he felt his face heat up. Your little hums did not help in the slightest, and even though Joe loved them, none of this felt right.

Joe was overstepping.

With your shoes removed, you slid both legs under the covers and moved to get more comfortable.

"All right," Joe whispered, leaning a little closer to catch sight of your face. "There's some dry bread here on the side, some water, a tablet if you need it, your bag's here, on the floor, and–"

"Mmmhm, 's just a nap," you interrupted and reached a hand up that found Joe's cheek to pat.

It burnt his skin, and he wanted to smile. To allow himself to enjoy your touch, but he couldn't.

Joe reached to draw the covers over your more, tuck you in a little before he'd head out again, and it was the worst thing he could've ever done. Because your hand found his arm and suddenly, you were holding onto Joe's shirt and pried your eyes open to look at your own make-up stains.

"Go, have a nap," Joe cooed, trying to create distance, and fully expected you to close your eyes. You were drunk, so you'd probably fall asleep fast.

Instead, Joe felt his heart skip several beats when you softly said, "Nap with me."

Inhale. Hold.

Hold.

Joe couldn't fuck things up any more than he already had, but you were in his bed, on his side of it, and you just asked him to get in as well and, what the fuck?! Joe was just a man. One with insides that churned at the sight of you, even now, all drunk. All soft. And the pillows looked cool, and clean, and inviting. And you asked him to nap with you.

Exhale.

Joe thought of Poppy.

Thought of Mark.

Thought of how you and Mark met. How you became friends.

Thought of how everything that had happened tonight had lead him to this exact moment.

There was no way Joe was going to go back to the party, still. He should. Probably should, you know, for Poppy. Really didn't want to, though.

He wanted to get into bed with you.

He shouldn't. Really shouldn't. But fuck, he really wanted to. And he could, maybe, if he kept his clothes on. Right? That would be okay, wouldn't it?

Joe took too long. Hovered in the space above you for too long. So you decided for him by also grabbing hold of Joe's arm with your other hand and turning over, essentially encasing yourself into his arm like you'd done earlier when Joe'd lead you outside.

And then you scooted over, further into the bed. Made space behind you, and didn't let go of Joe, pulling him in.

Yea, Joe wasn't going to go back to the party.

Gently, Joe laid down behind you, hoped and prayed you didn't notice- didn't feel the effect it all had had on him below his belt.

"I love a good nap," you whispered, all breathy and gentle, and like you'd done in the cab, you snuggled. Joe had to bite his bottom lip not to let any noise escape him.

Deep breaths.

You were in Joe's bed, in Joe's arms, and you were safe.

Joe got to keep you safe, and suddenly, it all felt right like nothing had been more right ever before.

Rest now, Joe told himself. She's not going anywhere.

---

The Taglisted:

@ghostinthebackofyourhead @dirtyeddietini @jasminearondottir @josephquinned @cancankiki @sidthedollface2 @dylanmunson @munsonsgirl71 @thefemininemystiquee @alana4610 @emmamooney @thatonefan-girl @paola-carter @figmentofquinn @haylaansmi @thewondernanazombie @munsonmunster @kellysimagines @mybffjoe @chaoticgood-munson @sherrylyn628 @bdpst-massacre @05secondsofsexgods @lovelyblueness @adoreyouusugar @nadixq @prozacandnicotine @munsonswhore86 @alwayslindie @breddiemunson @eddie-joe-munson @ali-in-w0nderland @pepperstories @phyllosilicate-s @thebellenouvelle @luvrsbian @joesquinns @choke-me-eddie @alizztor @jnnyrd @did-it-work @capricornrisingsstuff @quinnsbower @frogers @kennedy-brooke @daleyeahson @eddielives1986 @harringtonfan4 @sadbitchfangirl

(taglist currently full, sorry)

#Joe Quinn #Joseph Quinn #Joe Quinn x You #Joseph Quinn x You #Joe Quinn x Reader #Joseph Quinn x Reader #Joe Quinn Fanfic #Joe Quinn fanfiction #Joseph Quinn Fanfic #Joseph Quinn Fanfiction #rpf #icallhimjoey #To Have And To Scold #joe quinn x y/n #joseph quinn x y/n #part 7

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valentine-writes · 8 months

Note

Hello!! I absolutely adore your spot HC!

I was wondering if you could write something pre-collider accident? When he was working for alchemax ^^

I would adore more content about him and reader being coworkers, maybe this is way too self indulgent, but I crave some good enemies/rivals to lovers with this man. I think the dynamic would be so fun ^^

competitive

「 tws + notes: possibly ooc, no tws, unedited, rivals to lovers (which i hope i do justice), pre-collider johnathan ohnn, reader and johnathan are petty,,, can u tell i like writing him mildly bitchy, plz forgive any conflicts w/ canon i researched but im like 99.9% sure there r still errors 」

「 gn!reader, romantic relationship <3 」

↳ ft. johnathan ohnn/the spot

author's note: ouughh i love this sooo much,,, thank u AUDHEWUFHEW o((>ω< ))o !!! im so excited to write more of pre-collider him,, ignore me as i feverishly research every bit of canon info i can get cuz i haven't been able 2 rewatch the movie yet i hope this is to ur liking! enemies to lovers is not my strong suit,, but OHOUWHUDHEWH RIVALS TO LOVERS!!! UNDERUTILIZED!!! might hafta make a part two tho,,, locked in on the rivals part,,, lovers part in progress. ok no more of my rambles

▸ ever since you had arrived at alchemax, you and johnathan just couldn't seem to get along. not a particularly useful thing, considering you both worked for the same research company where teamwork was vital though, you insisted you had no real spite for him, the second you had gotten the job, you just seemed to one-up him in every single way.

every. single. way.

▸ when given a deadline, you'd finish in half the time it took him. when completing research, you have the information compiled when he was just starting to organize his.

hell, you even succeeded in being more proficient socially. how had you made so many friends already?

▸ he had to admit you were terribly charming too– a trait he was particularly envious of– and from the few times he's seen you get coffee with one or two of the other scientists, he knew that everyone seemed to think the same

not like he was paying that much attention to you as he saw you laughing with another coworker through the cafe window. foam party? sounds boring anyways, whatever

▸ he wasn't mad because he was lonely, or saw himself as inferior to you. johnathan had friends and honestly didn't consider himself particularly bad at making them. johnathan knew he was intelligent and that with his work, he could accomplish something big.

no, this problem had nothing to do with him. it was you. besides you, all the things he worked hard for was just second nature.

how annoying.

▸ your sworn rivalry had been one-sided for the longest of time to any witnesses. grumbling under his breath while he passed you, making a great effort to speak curtly with you, and was certainly not beyond intentionally knocking his shoulder into yours when he passed the look you shot at him for doing this was enough to make him wither on the spot– unintentional joke. my bad.

but he knew you were just as competitive as he was. the way you acted just had to be intentional. some of your remarks towards him were too pointed to ignore– your smiles and your friendliness nothing more than keeping it as civil as possible in a workplace setting.

professionalism, masking a deeper intention: to outdo him.

▸ and once you had figured that your feigned innocence would no longer keep you afloat, that's when the true rivalry began. an ambition-fuelled climb to the top to be better than the other.

it manifested more childishly than you two cared to admit.

"you know, chewing on pens isn't great for your enamel." johnathan practically jumps out of his seat, your words effectively snapping him out of his completely focused state.

he grumbles, looking over at you while lowering the pen away from his mouth a habit that i have too... guys look away itz not projecting...

you only shrug your shoulders. "just saying, johnny."

"don't call me that." he retorts, trying not to roll his eyes. "are you here just to bother me with unsolicited comments about my habits and dental advice?"

you laugh and he feels his face heat up in annoyance. you and your stupid laugh. he's heard enough of it around the workplace while you chatted amongst the others. it was a sound he could live without.

"so hostile. we work together, y'know?" you grin. there's a glimmer of amusement in your eyes. you were getting on his nerves and you knew it.

"anyways, i just came to ask if you had a pen i could borrow. preferably not one with teeth marks." the last part is tacked on so briefly that johnathan didn't even have time to be offended about it before he replied.

he looks at you dead in the face. "sorry. i don't have an extra pen on me."

you glance at the completely untouched, unused, ballpoint pen on his desk and then back at him. he says nothing, staring at you silently, before you get the hint decide to go ask someone else.

▸ it gets pettier.

imagine johnathan eying up a coworker, getting all blushy and stumbling over his words around them.

and within a week, you've got their number– and he passes by the two of out in that STUPID FUCKING HIPSTER CAFE GODDAMMIT–

it's not that serious to him. he can move on from a workplace crush. he however, can't move on from the fact you swooped in before he even got a chance. you never care to bring up that on your little coffee date with that person ended up being a disaster– maybe it was for the better they stayed away from him

▸ of course, he was able to outdo you too. his biggest success?

"so," johnathan flinched away, about to walk out the glass doors of alchemax and head home for the day– only to find you with your back leaning against the frame, arms crossed. "heard you got put in charge over something pretty important."

he curses under his breath. "you can't just sneak up on people like that."

"i was literally standing here in plain sight the entire time."

"were you waiting for me or something?" he asks sarcastically. johnathan seems somewhat surprised when you don't respond, awkwardly averting your gaze from him for a moment hm. guess that's a "yes"...

"doesn't matter." you reply, shoving your hands in your pockets. "so... you're working on a portal thingy?"

"i'm one of the people overseeing it, yes." he huffs, trying to answer your questions quickly and just get the hell home. but as you figured, he had all the time in the world when it came to correcting you.

"and– the word portal is inaccurate."

you raise an eyebrow. "yeah?"

"it's a particle accelerator. you should know what that means. the goal of this project is to essentially create a passageway– a bridge, if you will– between two separate dimen–"

"so, a portal." you interrupt.

he glares at you and you swear his eye twitches.

"just wanted to know. congrats, ohnn." you say casually, before exiting out the door.

the next time he sees you, he discovers that head scientist, olivia octavius who just so happens to be fond enough of your work to hear you out when you asked her decided it would be a good idea to have you work on the project as well.

even though johnathan was still technically still ahead of you– he kicked himself for how quickly you were beginning to catch up. you flashed him a grin from your desk as you began to help out on the project– he forced one back through gritted teeth.

▸ after tirelessly working on the project together as a team still trying your very best to outdo one another he figures this feud of yours is getting nowhere.

you've both spent sleepless nights on this project you both equally cared for,, it was time to just give up and be normal coworkers. an odd conclusion for johnathan to reach as a notorious grudge holder. maybe the lack of rest was getting to him, too exhausted to even deal with you anymore. or maybe, he was satisfied where he was right now– on the verge of a huge breakthrough with him being one of the main contributors– he no longer needed the pleasure of being better than you.

"how did you even get this number?" you ask, recognizing his voice through the phone as he greeted you.

"well, funny thing actually. alchemax has all the employee information on files, so i just–"

the realization hits you. "snooped through mine to get my phone number?! you're insane!"

he's desperate to explain, just trying to get to his point without getting a headache from you. "no, no, no– wait, i didn't come to fight or anything–"

"then what do you want, johnathan? a little medal? a trophy or somethin? you're probably getting that anyways after this whole thing– so,, so– what? what is it?!" you snap.

this is the only blatant hostility you've ever shown him. both ends of the call fall silent.

"wow uh– that was a lot." he mumbles awkwardly.

"...'m sorry." the shame makes your ears burn up. it is getting childish. you can't deny it.

he blinks at his phone, before bringing it back up to his ear. "did you just apologize? have i got the right person?"

it's your turn to groan. "are you trying to get me to take it back?"

"no! no, no, no– sorry." he replies quickly, stuttering as he tries to get back on track. "i just wanted to talk...."

the words hang in the air for much longer than needed.

"just spit it out already." you inturrupt.

"we should truce." he blurts out. "you know... maybe we should calm down. start over."

johnathan pauses for a moment, waiting for a reaction from you. you give him absolutely nothing. he takes a deep breath before speaking up again.

"i just thought it'd be better this way. this is getting ridiculous. and i think we're both mature enough to move past it so–"

"no, thank you."

he falters momentarily, processing what you had just said. "i'm– i'm sorry, i think misheard you."

"no, you heard me," you repeat, your smile clear as day in your voice, "no. thank. you."

"i like what we've got going on. keeps me motivated." the sweetness in your tone makes him cringe.

"you can't be serious." he rubs the bridge of his nose, fighting off the urge to lose his mind.

"oh, but i am." you lean into your phone's mic, voice dropping to a whisper. "just give me time. i'll catch up with you eventually."

your stubborness was truly something else.

"nope. can't do this, not today, nope–"

you laugh to yourself, hearing him hang up. you secretly hoped he'd at least keep talking to you a little longer. probably just a result of being a tad sleep deprived too.

▸ the collider is almost finished. ever since the phone call, you and johnathan hadn't talked for days.

and now, there you were, at his desk.

"need a pen?" he asks, looking up at you, expecting you to bother him again.

you shake your head. "actually, i came to ask for something else. i've been thinking about what you said..."

the words catch in your throat. you stare at the ground, the humiliation of what you're about to say causing you to fidget with your hands. he's never seen you like this– timid and anxious in his presence rather than smug and confident. it's a sight that he thought would bring him joy– but he's far beyond that now. instead, he looks at you curiously, not unlike the way he observes specimens.

"go on..." he says, leaning in slightly.

you meet his gaze sheepishly. "yeah. maybe a truce doesn't sound so bad."

he smiles back, cautious but hopeful. "you mean it?"

"this isn't me surrendering." you're quick to say, though your defensiveness falls flat, only causing his smile to fade for a moment. "i'm growing bored of it. we can just move on." it's not what he had in mind– but he'll take it.

"okay. sounds... good?" he replies awkwardly, unsure of what to do.

"mhm. so, you still have my phone number, right?"

he freezes. "yes... but– um– i can just delete it from my contacts now if– if you want. that was weird of me to do. really sorry 'bout that. just wanted to talk."

"nah. keep it." you say with a slight shrug of your shoulders. he tilts his head slightly at your reaction.

"i'll text you when work's done so we can grab a coffee or somethin." there's that smile he's grown so familiar with. this time it has no undertones of aggression– something which he finds more unnerving somehow. he can't tell what you're up to.

"i– uh– what–" he stammers.

you await the rejection.

"i mean– sure... but... you want that?" he asks, his tone careful, like he expects this to just be a scheme of yours. never in a million years would he think that you'd want to actually resolve whatever conflict you had going on. much less, spend time with him outside of work.

" i mean, i just offered, didn't i?"

"right– ...so uh– after work then. okay. it's a date."

he mentally kicks himself for the last part. "i– not like– a date, date, but–"

you don't give him time to stumble over his words and make a fool of himself.

"great." you turn to leave, but glance over your shoulder before walking away. "see you later, johnny."

▸ you failed to acknowledge this earlier, and maybe he had too– but over the course of your mutual rivalry, you found that you admired him. his brain, his work, his sheer tenacity– and he admired you too.

perhaps you didn't have to be better than one another.

"here's to new beginnings." you mutter to yourself, shooting him a text while waiting at the cafe.

#atsv #across the spiderverse #UAHWIEJDKSN HEAVY WITH THE RIVALS. little less w/ the lovers part #look they're jus trying 2 b friendz rn #but trust they'll be kissin in no time 🫡‼️#atsv x reader #the spot #the spot atsv #the spot headcanons #the spot x reader #johnathan ohnn #johnathon ohnn headcanons #johnathan ohnn x reader #johnathon ohnn #johnathan ohnn headcanons #johnathon ohnn x reader #4givsies if he is ooc.... trying to figure him out little by little.....#anyways i had more fun with this than i thought i would auwhwhdj i get carried away easily

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