#it is genuinely so aggravating I can’t stand it and it’s just not worth it no matter how much I like the girls and wanna support s@kura

[eeunwoo]

nothings turning me away from lsrf faster than the fact that it’s physically impossible to see ppl talk about them without bringing up t@ylorsw!ft in some capacity

[burning-fcols]

✩ 「 @bliitzo 」 ✩ - Continued from ★

「 ☆ 」 Blitz can deny his feelings for Stolas as much as he wants… but Angel can recognize jealousy when he sees it. The object of envy throughout Hell, he can’t go a single day without someone trying to slit his throat with their eyes. If looks could kill, his soul would have been damned to Double Hell and ALL the others that come after long ago. But there’s extra vitriol in the way Blitz glares at him. A possessiveness the Imp might not even be fully aware of. Angel would know, because the arachnid doesn’t doubt he’s looking back with just as much Hellfire.

Furious at the Imp for making him feel this nauseating cocktail of emotions. Inferiority to someone like HIM— some big-mouthed, big-dicked nobody who’s too emotionally-stunted to even admit he gives a damn about Stolas —terror at being tossed aside, some shrapnel of anger even flying in Stolas’s direction ( secret as it may be ) for unwittingly making Angel feel like he’s not enough. Like no matter what he does or who he tries to be, he’ll NEVER be enough for anyone. Part of Angel wants to blow Blitz’s brains out right now and put an end to it all. But he knows it genuinely will be an end to it ALL. There’s no way Stolas would want anything more to do with him, if the owl even let him live, if he killed his precious Blitzy.

Maybe that’s why this feels so… satisfying. In a fucked up, confusing, Angel-doesn’t-want-to-question-it-too-deeply kind of way. Mixed amongst the usual utter disgust for himself is an overwhelming ego-boost at having Blitz’s dick buried so deep into his guts he’s surprised it’s not tickling the back of his throat. At knowing they brazenly can’t stand each other, yet his velvety insides are surrounding the Imp in an unfair amount of pleasure. Not that Angel can’t say he isn’t also seeing stars. Blitz must fucking HATE it; having a first-hand seat to what Stolas has been indulging in when not fawning over some worthless Imp. Understanding how easy it would be to get addicted to Angel’s body.

A dual-edged blade, Angel is also cut by knowing what Stolas is surrendering to when the spider can’t be around… Feeling that understanding slice through his very core like Blitz’s claws in his skin, teeth grit as he chokes back a gasp. Smothering it with an aggravated growl, bottom lip bleeds as razor teeth sink in to keep his wanton sounds at bay. But it’s a losing battle, Angel holding out impressively considering the throttling of his insides… until a well-aimed thrust, sporadically hitting a sensitive bundle of nerves like a battering ram, tears a sharp cry from the star’s throat. Claws rake down Blitz’s back, leaving thin trails of black in their wake, as Angel’s resolve starts to crack. Not completely shattered, he manages to keep the Imp’s name off his tongue.

Screams of semi-reluctant pleasure, however? The air soon echoes with moans so primal they belong in the Porn Studio. Fluffy chest heaving into Blitz’s harsh hands, Angel cries out wordless praise. Headboard banging against the wall with a vengeance, even the terrified creaking of the bed can’t compete with the spider’s sultry screams. Walls are mercilessly tight around Blitz’s thick length, sucking in the Imp with each welcome thrust. Angel’s hot insides milking the cock for everything it’s worth like a vice.

❝ FUCK! ❞ When words finally come, they are crass and breathless. ❝ Th-That’s right… Fuck me— Fuck me hard, you obnoxious bitch! ❞ Antagonizing the Imp, legs wrap around Blitz’s waist, angling the others hips to aim even DEEPER into his prized ass. ❝ Put that big fuckin’ cock t’ work! Show me why Stolas wastes his time with a piece'a shit like you! ❞ Growling, claws sink deeper into Blitz’s back, Angel glaring at him with such intensity that his eyes are practically glowing, ❝ I’m not th’ only one who’s gonna be cummin’ all night… I can already feel it, y’know. How much you wanna flood my fuckin’ ass. ❞ With how viciously they’re going at it, Angel doesn’t doubt they’ll both be covered with each others seed once they’ve finally fucked themselves into exhaustion. 「 ☆ 」

[obeymeluv]

Signs they Love You

Back for my 1 post a week to prove school hasn’t totally killed me! When I get a semester break, I’ll post more often. In the mean time, feel free to leave me chats or PMs for stuff you want to see! :) Something nice and sappy for an okay Saturday

These turned out really long so I only did Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, and Satan. I have to get back to studying :/. Maybe I’ll have part 2 next week?

Lucifer

You wouldn’t be able to notice it because his pride wouldn’t allow you to. One of the brothers (or, to Lucifer’s extreme mortification, Lord Diavolo) would have to tell you

He’s not sure if it’s just the appreciation of you not being as totally chaotic as his brothers or genuine human naivete that has somehow worn off on him, but he loves you

Will be outed by sappy, soft stares that last 2 seconds too long.

Asmo and Satan are the first to notice and he LOATHES that

If he’s tasked with waking you up that morning, his knock will be firm but his voice will be gentle. Almost persuasive or commiserating

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by school workload, he may have a private conference with the teacher and grant you a minor extension. Will you know it was him? No. Is he happy to see you brighten up and refill with hope just a bit? Definitely. Is it worth the teasing from Lord Diavolo? ...Sure.

If he responds to texts in the wee hours of the morning when he’s still pouring over paperwork, he likes you.

Anyone who knows him can see how his eyes soften when someone else talks about you. There’s a fond slowness to his actions, how he glides his hand imperceptibly over his chest as if to feel where that emotion is coming from. Boy is whipped.

Should Lord Diavolo invite him out for a meeting, he will bring you back something small. Something he thought you’d like. Beel is upset. Levi yells “SIMP!” from the second floor and prepares for Armageddon.

Actually reminds you about assignments if you’re not already up on it yourself. Your success is his joy.

Is very keen on if/when you burn the candle too long and has a sixth sense for bad sleeping habits. Will put you on a stricter schedule for your own health

It may take almost all of the brothers to do it (or just help from Diavolo) but if he gets drunk on Demonus you’re getting a whole BOOK about why he likes you. He almost charms your memory away but everyone practically dog-piles on him not to because he needs to deal with his feelings.

You’re the only one he won’t chase out of his study when he’s doing paperwork. He’ll even set up a little fire if you like the fireplace.

How he confesses: tries to take you on a fancy date to Ristorante Six. Does not know that Lord Diavolo and Barbatos know about this (damn time-travelling butler!) and basically crash the date just to encourage him. Just long enough to encourage him.

Kind of an, “So you chose this idea, Lucifer? Admirable! I’m sure your date will be amazing! Enjoy your evening!” as Diavolo walks back to his table.

Does Lucifer deny it? Look and see how red his face is. If you’re really not sure, ask Diavolo. He will gladly yell, “I cannot lie!” across the restaurant.

Mammon

For all his talk, when he really, really decides he likes you, he doesn’t know what to say.

He can console himself with how obvious it is and how you made the best choice, but he has to show it! What to do?

Mammon’s kind of confused about it because he doesn’t really change how he behaves. You didn’t catch on already?! C’mon, human!

What, does he have to spell it out for you? Do an interview with Majolish?

His first tactic is to just be around you. Be subtle, and maybe cuddle a bit more than usual. Things to show he’s kittenish and at your mercy. Comfortable with you.

You don’t seem to be getting the hint so he throws the net a little wider by trying to find things you like or that you’ve been talking about. They mysteriously show up at your door.

It sends the others on a gossip train about who your admire could be and when they list off everyone BUT him, he wants to slam his head on the table.

Feeling tired? Coffee! Backpack heavy? Silly human, the BEST man can help you with that, OBVIOUSLY! Mammon jumps at the chance to do any little thing for you because he cares. His actions always speak louder than words.

Feeling kind of defeated and embarrassed, Mammon will go talk to the flock of crows that meander around the House of Lamentation’s yard when he really needs them.

For the next few days you’re accosted in the nicest way, birds chirping at you and dropping off various shiny things

You collect them, finally showing them to Mammon and he’s embarrassed that his representative animal has taken to courting you on his behalf.

He calls them to him, embarrassed and ready to rant or fall into the ground never to be seen again, when they start talking. Repeating all the things he’s practiced saying.

“Hey baby,”, “Hey human,” “Love you!”, “Silly! Silly!”, “Dummy, no, dummy!”, “My human.”

It’s broken and confusing, six or seven bird children cawing in your face and bobbing, but you get it.  

Levi

Levi’s not the best at expressing himself but it counts, right? As much as he hates to admit he’s some kind of shy tsundere, you know what that is, right? He doesn’t have to say it?

Yes. Yes he does. His brothers are getting too chummy with you and you don’t understand his signals. Time for Plan B.

If you get invited to stand in line for a midnight release, he hopes you take it. Then it’s just you two hanging out in line? What’s this? He brought snacks? Totally not for the two of you BUT you an have some if you’re hungry. It’s whatever

When he’s not doing boss raids and playing with online friends, he’ll ask if you want to play something with him. A Player 1 needs a Player 2, you know?

I headcanon that Levi knows how to play some unusual instruments like the kalimba or a real ocarina. I could see him making you a song on one of those. Or just playing it because you inspire him. He’s very good with a harp and will play it when he’s in the mood.

Boy also likes to draw and paint. Especially loves watercolors. Would it be weird if he gave you a painting of you as a mermaid? Just you and the ocean. Beautiful.

Was there a really cute plush or knickknack you liked? Levi has his ways, regardless of how rare or limited edition it is. It will be yours. 

He has a hard time understanding a passing comment of interest versus a genuine want because he genuinely wants everything he’s interested in, so if you hear a whisper about him almost securing something, stop and look it up. Make sure it’s not super expensive!!

Probably outed by Belphegor, who feels like Levi’s broadcasting all of his stress, frustration, and hope through his dreams. (”His dreams are weird. Just different ways of asking them out, and if he messes up it restarts like a simulation. My brain hurts.” he says to Beel)

 You’re allowed to come into his super-restricted bedroom haven when everything’s too much. It’s very exclusive since the Mammon incident. Be happy.

Might go swimming in his big tank and pick a seashell or rock to make a necklace out of. He hopes you like it.

If he’s not outed by Belphie, some of his online friends made a game demo they wanted him to try. They specified it was two player so he asked you to join in. While he’s in the middle of bragging about how he knows people, knows developers, he totally misses the dating-sim like dialogue and the big reveal.

Doesn’t really kick in until he realize the characters look like you two. You’re busy saying ‘Yes’ to “Do you like me?” as Levi absolutely threatens to rip them apart six ways to Sunday. Almost in full demon mode, too.

Everything falls out of his brain and quiets in his throat when he realizes the characters are kissing and ‘THEY SAID YES!’ flashes on the screen.

“Y-You like me?”

“Yep.”

It was that easy all along. Levi thinks he’s going to faint.  

Satan

Becomes aware of it pretty quick but ignores it for a looong time

Is it rude or foolish of him to assume you would also like him back?

Run away into books. A solid plan. If you don’t think about it, it’s not an issue

Oh, but it is an issue when you fall asleep after a mutual day of reading, forced in by bad weather. He finds his heart fluttering in a painful squeeze as he quietly whispers all the things he dare not say when you’re awake

It’s nervous poetry, and it’s beautiful

Satan tries to get himself back on track, to focus on reading, and he gets frustrated when he’s stuck on the same page almost an hour later

When you’re on the brain he just can’t do anything else

How does one show their affection? He’s swimming in books for a new reason now, as voracious as ever

He brews you a pot of Melancholy Coffee and is a bit disappointed you don’t know the meaning behind the bitterness. Wants to break the pot when Lucifer jokes about how it tastes exceptionally bitter to him as well.

Okay, so coffee didn’t work. What else do people do when they show their affections?

Asmo suggests a ‘not a date’ date and Satan sighs inside. Sounds like a lot of work and effort. It’s not that you’re not worth it, but he has a feeling that everyone will know and look at him the whole time.

Tries anyways. You guys go to a beautiful nature conservatory and take a tour of the plants and some indigenous animals

You’re starting to realize it now, he can tell. Satan tries to answer your question without saying it while you’re at school. You walk together, he offers to carry some of your books, and always requests that he be your project partner

Nearly there. If there was a single defining moment for him, he’d want it to be classic. He shows up at your door with a rose and asks you to go on a moonlit walk.

Mammon’s poking fun about how cheesy and cliche it is, Asmo’s gearing up to shut Mammon’s stupid mouth, and Satan just whisks you out the door with an aggravated sigh.

No matter what side of the house you’re on, Asmo throws up the biggest, gaudiest handmade sign that’s like ‘CUTEST COUPLE! 10/10!’

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

What if Bella and Rosalie swapped places

As usual, before we even answer this, I imagine this will go dark places.

Bella Swan is Rosalie

Bella is an attractive girl, there’s no doubt about that. The day she arrives in Forks she is immediately sought after by pretty much every guy she meets until her relationship with Edward (and then Jacob) becomes established. Bella doesn’t realize as much, actively thinks of herself as plain, and this is warped self-perception is a very large part of her character.

However, she’s not hands down the most beautiful woman in a city, not the way Rosalie was. (Not helping Bella with this is her introvert personality, which in American culture will make her stand out less and generally be less noticed, vs. Rosalie who very much sounded every inch the perfect socialite and life of the party.)

My point being, Bella will not have the same reputation in Rochester that Rosalie did, not appreciate the same level of attention even if she’s running in the same social circles, and likely will not attract Royce’s notice in terms of picking her out to be his bride.

I imagine Bella, while pretty, is very awkward at parties and has a very difficult time forming social connections with anyone. I imagine this causes significant angst for her family, who want her to go out there and be, well, Rosalie Hale.

She’s probably crushing hard on Edward Cullen, the doctor’s younger brother (or whatever Edward was posing as at the time, I forget if he’d drifted into Son mode yet).

And this is where we hit a cross roads.

Bella is Still Edward’s Singer

If Bella is still Edward’s singer, then we get Twilight, the period piece. Edward becomes obsessed, can’t read her mind, agonizes over her scent, and even without Alice’s help likely eventually decides he must be in love.

So he probably sneaks through her window but also does things like pretend to court her properly like a gentleman. Carlisle’s extreme frowny face about this but doesn’t have the heart to tell Edward what he already knows: you can’t marry this girl. Esme, of course, is fully supportive and tells Edward he can eat and or marry this girl, whichever floats his boat and will make him happiest.

Without the wolves, while Bella suspects there’s something not human about Edward, she will likely not stumble on “vampire” unless she has a precognitive dream (which is entirely possible). Regardless, like canon, she won’t care. She’s in love and has found the perfect man who will love her for who she is rather than who she isn’t. She dreams of marrying Edward like he’s an ordinary man and is more than down to be a vampire.

Likely, some incident happens, Esme probably loses control and tries to eat Bella. Edward demands they abruptly leave town, never mind that he’s been in the middle of courting Bella, THAT’S NOT IMPORTANT.

Bella is devastated and utterly destroyed, as she was in canon, but now there’s no Jake to help pick her back up, no wolves to divert her focus, but also no danger of other vampires.

There is a danger called Royce though. Probably, in search for Hallucination Edward, Bella walks the streets at night in a zombie like daze. She gets gang raped by Royce and pals and dies in agony.

Edward is too busy in Rio being miserable to find out. He breaks six months later, finds out she was brutally raped to death, and travels to Volterra where he gives Aro an aneurysm. He eventually forces their hand and they execute him for breaking the law.

If there’s no catalyst to make Edward nobly leave Bella’s side, then they might very well get married. Bella is probably able to pressure him into a wedding night, and then the Renesmee debacle happens. Only, without advanced medical equipment they’re resorting to Carlisle shoving dead animals at her. This probably doesn’t work and Bella likely dies in childbirth. 

We end up in a similar timeline to this with probably similar results (Carlisle ends up in Volterra with a baby, Esme and Edward are god knows where).

Bella is Not Edward’s Singer

Then, as in canon, Edward likely finds Bella rather plain and overrated. Oh, she’s not as gossippy as some of the other women but she’s still a little girl and hardly worth his notice. Her mind is a bit of a mystery, but he likely eventually decides she must be simple, as he did with Charlie Swan.

If he notices her attraction to him, then it amuses and disgusts him, this girl has no taste.

She never really gets a chance to talk to him, and if she does, he’s a complete dick. Bella’s attraction likely cools severely (as it threatened to in canon after the Biology incident where he was utterly horrible to her).

Bella likely marries young. Probably to someone of notable wealth and social class, but not Royce. The marriage is probably all but arranged and she and her husband don’t get on or quite understand each other. Perhaps this changes in time but this requires significant character development for Bella.

Though, that said, Bella could be unfortunate and gang raped by Royce and pals. In which case, Carlisle might very well save her, and then Bella becomes the new almost Rosalie.

Edward doesn’t find her as vain, but he does likely find her vapid and made dumb decisions like walking down the street at night without an escort, what a fool. Like Rosalie, Bella intrudes on the thing he has going on with Carlisle and Esme, which he does not appreciate. Bella having the miraculous control she does, barely feeling the thirst and genuinely appreciating being a vampire and all the doors it opens for her (she gets to pursue education, is not tied down by marriage, gets to leave the worst of societal norms behind, etc.) likely only aggravates this for Edward. I imagine Bella becomes and remains his least favorite sibling.

Bella desperately tries to get along with Edward but quickly realizes any hopes of romantic attention from him are delusional and the best she can hope for is quiet tolerance in front of Carlisle and Esme. If even that. Bella still tries and all her attempts fall on their face.

Rosalie Hale is Bella

I imagine that Rosalie in the modern era, in a lower middle class family, will be a significantly different person. She’s probably a tomboy and I imagine an avid athlete and 4.0 all-honors student. Her favorite activities are probably fishing and hiking with her dad and she loves the Forks/Washington area. She’s still very pretty and usually ranked the most beautiful girl in X, but it’s not quite as important to her.

I imagine her vanity from canon instead translates to a perfectionist strive to be the best at everything she does. Rosalie’s aiming for the top.

That said, given Renee, I imagine Rosalie’s home life is complicated. Like Bella, it’ll be up to her to take care of most of the adult responsibilities with Renee from a very young age. Rosalie probably vastly prefers Charlie, but she can’t abandon her mother, at least not until Phil comes along to take care of her.

I also imagine Renee gets weird about Rosalie’s looks. Bella a pretty girl, but Bella notes that her mother is prettier and at the very least more outgoing. I think this suits Renee, it makes her the center of attention. With a child like Rosalie, she’d be overshadowed, and I don’t think she’d handle that well. And there would be these subtle, not-quite, jabs to remind Rosalie of her place and that Renee is important and beautiful.

This probably leaves significant marks on Rosalie, making her relationship with both her appearance and her mother very complicated.

Regardless, Rosalie ends up in Forks for probably similar reasons to Bella. Phil shows up, she sees she’s not needed anymore/in the way, she catches the first plane to Washington.

But, of course, nothing good comes from coming to Forks.

Rosalie’s looks will immediately capture Edward’s notice. Edward noted in canon that he did/does find Rosalie very attractive, he just hates her attitude about it. I imagine it will be similar here. He and everyone else will notice Rosalie immediately, but he’ll hate her because of it as well as because of her general personality. Rosalie is not his kind of woman.

Then we get to Biology. Edward may persevere as he did in canon but a) Rosalie’s not going to be into him at all ever after that b) he can read Rosalie’s thoughts. Neither of these things will be conducive to keeping her alive.

This will more than likely lead to Rosalie’s death.

[sepublic]

When Eda/Luz is Threatened...

           Okay, I know @novelist-becca already went over this in the past, but screw it, I’m in the mood to gush about Eda and Luz, so;

           It’s worth noting that there’s a pretty clear difference between how Eda reacts towards someone who threatens her, VS someone who threatens Luz. Tibbles and Lilith serve as pretty good control groups, given how they’ve interacted with Eda and Luz separately on a different basis, and Eda’s reaction to them in each scenario clearly differs…

           In Tibbles’ case- There isn’t any retaliation to begin with, at first! Yeah Eda hates his guts, but as soon as she gets her elixir, she and King just ditch him to his fate. Eda doesn’t even know that the Mud & Sundry stand is about to collapse on Tibbles when she leaves, so from her perspective, HER issue with getting the elixir is well and done- And that’s it! No need for revenge, Eda has no pragmatic quarrel with Tibbles, and it’s very practical of her as a result.

           …But when Tibbles threatens Luz, King, Willow, and Gus? When he tried to KILL them outright, whereas the last time, he just dressed King up in cute clothes? THEN Eda retaliates violently… Tibbles’ scheme is already ruined and she could easily steal his snails for herself, the kids and King are safe, Eda herself had no participation in Tibbles’ scheme… But the kids were threatened, and Eda goes out of her way to dump a bunch of crab-apples upon Tibbles, setting him up to be eaten alive by his own animals- She’s trying to kill him here, and honestly, I can’t blame her.

           Eda’s lax attitude towards Tibbles is also prevalent early in Really Small Problems; He’s apparently been trying to send her death threats, and even if that wasn’t Tibbles… Eda seems more concerned about Tibbles’ potential plot towards her, than actually getting back at him for past incidents. Even when she easily sees past Tibbles’ attempt to poison her, Eda just… Goes on with her day, doesn’t bother with Tibbles. She leaves him be, repeatedly spares him of her own volition- And so Tibbles pushes his luck when he targets Luz. THEN he only has himself to blame when Eda sets him up to die; If we never see Tibbles again after this, it’d be a safe assumption to say he actually gets killed off-screen because of Eda.

           All in all, Eda’s attitude towards Tibbles is incredibly lax- Yeah he’s a threat to her, yeah he’s annoying and despicable… But otherwise Eda only does what needs to be done, until Luz is threatened. This pairs well with her interactions with Lilith- Lilith is set to capture Eda… And obviously, Lilith doesn’t plan to actually kill Eda, Lilith thinks she’s helping Eda, and also they’re both sisters who –mostly- know one another… So yeah, that plays a role into Eda not feeling all too threatened nor preemptively defensive when Lilith is around. She lets Lilith into her space, doesn’t try to strike back in anticipation UNTIL Lilith messes up…

           And even then, Eda never actually aims to hurt Lilith! She goes out of her way to save her, and their duel in Covention was clearly treated as more of a fun spat than an actual attempt to hurt each other! Eda seemed to treat it that way at least, and when her curse is brought up, Lilith makes it clear again that, yes, she doesn’t actually mean to hurt Eda (even if she still does anyway by accident).

           But then Luz is captured, and… Well, Eda’s downright murderous attitude towards Lilith says more than enough. When she confronts her sister minutes before execution, Eda first mentions Lilith hurting LUZ above all-else, as if that’s more important to her than being cursed. And, I can see why- The curse happened years ago. Eda knows that Lilith has been trying to fix the curse, that much was made clear since Sense and Insensitivity at the latest. She obviously regrets what she did, and hey, it was only at EDA…

           But Luz didn’t deserve to be threatened. Luz didn’t deserve to almost die, whereas Lilith’s curse never physically harmed Eda, at least not in a direct sense. And it’s King vouching for Lilith by pointing out that she helped LUZ, that Eda then stops her attack- That, and to also not hurt King. Eda seems to care more about Lilith hurting her found family, and conversely, that means Eda is less than impressed by attempts to appease her; But attempts to make up by appeasing the ones she loves and helping them, THAT changes her tune!

           Which, one could perhaps get into speculation that maybe this relates to Eda perhaps not thinking very highly of herself… Or at the very least, she of course values her loved ones WAY more than she does herself, which doesn’t necessarily mean Eda has any low self-esteem! She definitely seems confident enough and it’s not exactly an illusion, but Eda’s own pride in herself could’ve partly stemmed as a survival tactic from the pain and ostracization of the curse by others, being persecuted by the Emperor’s Coven, etc. She does seem to genuinely believe what she says, Eda isn’t just saying it to fool herself- And while there are cracks in the façade here or there, they seem more standard insecurities, and not pointing to Eda making everything up.

           Really, you could go out and say that this evokes the attitude of Eda not really blaming people for being mad at her, even! She knows she’s mischievous and a troublemaker, a rascal who revels into it- She’s a pickpocket and well aware of it… Eda has a tendency to intentionally aggravate others, so she figures it’s not too personal if people hate her, because YEAH- If Eda met herself, she’d hate Eda too! It’s like Eda’s lowkey accepting and admitting her own flaws, or that in some scenarios, such as Tibbles in Hooty’s Moving Hassle- It isn’t meant to be anything personal besides individual gain and greed. It’s just someone trying to get by, even if it IS at the expense of someone else, but that’s about it. And even when Tibbles DOES try to get personal with Eda, again- She lets him be.

           Eda accepts that yeah, she IS a bit irritable and a mess, what about it? It is who she is, and HEY, she’s pretty empathetic, she can understand why people do things, she won’t hold a grudge… But when her own loved ones are threatened, that’s different, because they mean SO MUCH more to her! Not to mention Luz is a literal child and doesn’t deserve any attacks by whatever adult is targeting her… Eda’s willing to forgive and forget, but when it comes to Luz, hurting her apprentice/daughter is borderline unforgivable.

           Then we have people like Wrath; Eda seems like she could’ve initially humored his request to be his girlfriend for like, a day or two before she’d make it backfire on him… But then she notices Luz, who’s being physically harassed by Wrath, and she makes up her mind- If Luz has to put up with this danger and discomfort for even another second, and ploy or ruse to get by Wrath isn’t worth it! Eda will take him head-on, and even then… She makes it clear that her main concern is always Luz, she makes sure LUZ gets away from the Conformatorium, even at the risk of Eda’s self- It’s Luz who matters for Eda, it’s what happens to Luz that forms the basis of her priorities!

           We have Adegast, who Eda mostly knows as the creep who targeted Luz and held her hostage… And likewise, he had a LOT of those fake maps created, so who knows how many people he’d target, or already had? And how many of them are kids- These ‘Chosen One’ maps seem like they’d only work for the kind of young kid with that sort of imagination… So naturally, Eda doesn’t hesitate to kill Adegast by eating him alive, because hey, she can also get a snack out of it!

           There IS a bit of an exception in the Slitherbeast… However, the Slitherbeast isn’t some malicious adult- It’s literally just a wild animal, they don’t and usually can’t operate on our usual standards of morality. Not only that, but the Slitherbeast didn’t go out of its way to hurt Luz, it ony retaliated when she wounded it with a pretty huge fireball- And even then, it didn’t actually hurt Luz, it only succeeded in kidnapping Eda, Emira, and Edric. The Slitherbeast DOES at one point corner Luz later on, but she manages to fend for herself, and with everything mentioned above- And yeah, Eda isn’t going to hold any grudges against the wild animal that HAD been trying to mind its own business, when Luz had accidentally hurt it- And it’s not like it could’ve known that was an accident.

           So, Slitherbeast gets a pass. Then there’s Once Upon a Swap… Again, Lilith is a special case in that Eda knows she’s fundamentally a good person, they’re sisters and whatnot- And of course, Lilith doesn’t know she’s threatening Luz, she think she’s going after Eda, so Eda can’t blame her for intentionally trying to hurt Luz, that’s a pure accident that’s kind of Eda’s fault anyway. On the flipside, you have Boscha and her friends attacking King-in-Luz’s-body… And to be fair, it’s King- King can definitely get himself into deserved trouble. So they’re not REALLY retaliating against Luz for her own actions, it’s King for HIS own actions, even if they think it’s Luz… Plus, Boscha and her posse are literal kids.

           Aside from mixing everyone’s bodies up to provide cover for herself and the others, Eda doesn’t try to harm or retaliate! She doesn’t even try to get back at Roselle and Dottie, who tried to hold her prisoner! Again, Eda really is a forgive-and-forget kind of person, but when it comes to others… She can’t speak on their behalf, and she doesn’t ever want a kid like Luz to feel obligated to forgive an adult who hurt her. That’s not Luz’s responsibility, she shouldn’t have been hurt no matter what in the first place.

           Then we’ve got all those other episodes… Eda doesn’t know that Amity tried to get Luz dissected, and anyhow I doubt Amity actually intended for Luz to be hurt, just aiming for her to be pushed into a corner where she’s forced to out herself. Being a young kid like Luz, whom Eda knows is the child to Odalia and Alador, who likely stood out to her as a nasty bunch… And she can understand, even if it’s wrong- At least enough to not go out of her way to seek revenge on a literal child. This also applies to Covention, and Amity didn’t even try to hurt Luz, and as far as Eda knows, Luz agreed to that binding oath to not practice spells if she failed!

           Eda doesn’t know about the Demon Hunters who threatened Luz or the others… She DID meet them in Escape of the Palisman, but she doesn’t seem to recognize them, and clearly Luz and the others tried their best to cover up the incident. If Eda had recognized the Demon Hunters, I imagine she wouldn’t have just let things be, but who knows? She doesn’t hold anything against them, and in THAT case, they didn’t know Eda was a witch, they thought she was a wild animal out of control and a threat to others… Which she WAS (Eda even threatens Luz and King in that state), so Eda can’t blame them.

           Eda doesn’t know about what happened in Lost in Language… Mattholomule’s antics and that Detention Monster are already being resolved and anyhow aren’t life-threatening. Eda isn’t aware of what went on with the Bat Queen, but ultimately the Bat Queen turned around for Luz’s sake and only tried to chase off Luz for Owlbert’s sake, because Luz DID hurt Owlbert, so Eda can of course sympathize with that kind of protective nature- Plus Eda and the Bat Queen are on good terms and they love each others’ kids!

           Piniet… WELL, that’s an interesting conflict- If Luz and King hadn’t escaped, I also feel like Eda would’ve been VERY brutal with him, if aforementioned precedents set any example. She’d of course track down Piniet by learning about Ruler’s Reach, and Piniet would be in for a reckoning… Then we have The First Day, the Greater Basilisk is already incapacitated/dead by the time Eda arrives. Eda doesn’t know what goes on with Inner Willow, who only targets Amity from being literally set on fire… And while we don’t see Eda tackle Grom herself, she was obviously poised to beat it to kingdom come. And then there’s Boscha in Wing it like Witches, which Eda doesn’t know about, and also Boscha is a literal child.

           Repeating what is already well-established and obvious by this point- Eda seems to have an almost selfless double-standard… In that, she doesn’t really hold it against others who have a conflict with her, unless it’s a really personal betrayal like in Lilith’s case… But even then, Eda doesn’t go out of her way to kick an opponent when they’re down, or even hurt them, until Luz is threatened. And, I think that’s really sweet- Eda knows she’s flawed. Eda’s a full-grown adult, she’s definitely done things that would make people rightfully mad at her… But Luz?

          Even if she DID mess up, it’s definitely not out of malice, because that kid is trying her best- Plus she’s a KID, she doesn’t deserve to be hurt for that! Eda can understand if another kid doesn’t quite understand that, because children don’t think things through… But when an adult with power and age levies that over Luz the child? Eda doesn’t necessarily think of Luz as lesser or ‘weak’ for being a kid… More on that later… But while she wants Luz to be able to stand up for herself and be her own person, let her do things by her own request; As someone who was alone for so long, abandoned because of the curse and for being a criminal…

           Eda can’t bear to let Luz handle that burden on her own, even if she could- Because she’s a KID, she shouldn’t HAVE to do that in the first place! Eda’s not gonna fail Luz, not like how Gwendolyn seemed to fail her and Lilith… And, that plays into her kind of laughing off Luz’s attempt to take on Grom, when she first announces it! Eda doesn’t necessarily think of Luz as weak, and it’s clear that by the end of the day, she knows that as a kid, Luz shouldn’t be expected to handle that kind of terror… And this of course plays into how Eda has zero judgment when she reassures Luz and is ready to take on the responsibility of Grom, until Amity steps in. Coupled with giving the Witch’s Wool cloak to Luz (which Eda also had the concern that she herself wouldn’t need it soon enough), and Luz’s own accomplishments in the season finale… Managing to free Eda, fighting her way through the Conformatorium, instantly solo-ing Warden Wrath, and even damaging Belos?

           Coupled with how Eda has no issues with learning glyphs from Luz, because she believes and trusts in Luz’s guidance, knowledge, and skill as a witch- And I think it’s likely that Eda greatly respects Luz’s strength as a witch, if she hadn’t already… She was clever enough to figure out the glyphs, after all- And I think that REALLY began to change Eda’s perception of Luz’s potential, even beyond Luz rallying Tiny Nose and the others against Wrath, and having the maturity to dispel Adegast’s illusions! Luz wasn’t just strong in the emotional, spiritual sense- She has a real pragmatic cleverness, wit, adaptability, creativity, and now magical skill, that is worth recognizing and honing! And not just because she has no other choice, I think Eda genuinely trusts and respects Luz, to be willing to learn from her…

           …Even so- Eda’s totally going to freak out anyway if anyone keeps trying to threaten Luz, and dang it, she’ll do all she can to protect Luz, even if Luz is arguably more capable of defending herself now! Because she’s a kid, just because she can, doesn’t mean she should, Luz shouldn’t have to worry about that, screw anyone else who suggests otherwise!

[aobajohxsai]

(Fem!Reader HC) May I request for Oikawa, Iwa, Daichi, Tsukki and Yams's girlfriends feeling insecure because the boys are surrounded by taller and slimmer (she's short and chubby) girls so she grows distant with them and starts to avoid them like the plague. How they find out, approach and reassure/comfort the girl will be up to you~ 💖 I understand if you dw to write this. ^-^ It's just, I've struggled with my looks for years and it's just ☹☹☹ Sending love and hugs 🥰 - 🍡 anon

has it been six months since i last posted sth here

yes.

Love, I’m so sorry everything took so long!! Your wonderful messages never failed to brighten up my day and I just think you’re the loveliest person I’ve ever met! I may not show it, via my blatant avoidance of this blog, but you’re amazing and I appreciate every message, thank you!!

Without further ado, I hope this was worth the wait (probably not, I haven’t written in half a year, but I tried my best) <3

Also, I didn’t do Daichi, Tsukki and Yams, as I went wayyy overboard with the headcanons (it’s 600+words each), but feel free to request them again in a separate ask, love :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oikawa and Iwaizumi comforting their insecure girlfriend (Plus-sized!Reader)

Warnings: Some self-loathing, but it turns fluffy afterwards

You tried to even your breathing, (e/c) eyes glued to the horde of fangirls almost jumping on your boyfriend. Your hot, talented, brilliant, athletic boyfriend - Who, to your dismay, seemed adamant to keep flirting back.

Normally, you weren’t a jealous person - It’s a given when it comes to dating someone such as “The Great King”. That day, however, the green monster seemed to be rearing its ugly head, pushed upwards by all your deep-rooted insecurities. The girls he was surrounded with were stunning - Long, slim legs, the oversized sweater of the Seijoh uniform actually being oversized on them, the way they seemed to look so much better by your lovely boyfriend’s side than you.

“Y’know he’s only doing that to ensure Seijoh’s popularity or whatever bullshit he keeps spewing about it, right?”, a deep voice spoke from behind you, effectively startling you. How Iwaizumi could read you so well, that would always surprise you, but you supposed it came with years upon years of having to read his seemingly unreadable best friend. You tried to will away the tears that had formed in your eyes, letting out a small giggle at Hajime’s characteristic profanity.

“Oi, Shittykawa! Get your ass over here and greet your girlfriend!”, he yelled, effectively grabbing the attention of the entire fan-club and the man to whom it was dedicated. You felt a deep flush rising on your cheeks at the attention, prepared to listen to a quick dismissal from your boyfriend, but were instead met with a surprisingly feminine squeal.

Oikawa seemed to all but pounce on you, taking you into a tight hug and spinning you around a little. Placing you back down, his whiskey eyes seemed to have a gleam to them, effectively having lit up the second he’d seen you.

He tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear, before pouting exaggeratedly.

“Why didn’t you say anything, love? I kept waiting and waiting and my beautiful girlfriend just wouldn’t show up!”

That’s when the previously-forgotten dread made its appearance again. He hadn’t even noticed you in the sea of pretty girls. But that’s alright - You should have seen it coming, ever since you started dating the most popular guy in your high-school. Just fake it ‘til you make it, c’mon, he made a joke, laugh, Y/N, dammit-

A bitter laugh left your lips, so aggressive it even startled Oikawa. 

“It’s quite alright, wouldn’t have expected you to, surrounded by all these pretty girls and all.” Another aggravated laugh left your lips, as you tried to sell it as a good-natured joke, but it was obvious that your boyfriend had definitely read through it. His expression seemed to darken, brows furrowing, before he quickly fell back into his well-rehearsed role, letting out an exaggerated gasp. 

“Oh, but you’re the prettiest one out of all of them! I’d never miss your gorgeous face!” He smirked, before squishing your cheeks lightly, eyes widening in a playful expression. “Actually”, he motioned towards the girls still watching you guys oh God- before promptly placing a hand around your shoulders, pulling you into his side protectively.

“Hey, everyone, look at my beautiful, lovely, gorgeous, girlfriend! Isn’t she the prettiest?”

The girls seemed to be whispering amongst themselves, confused expressions adorning their faces, before nodding shyly. You couldn’t have cared less, though - In the arms of the boy you loved, you were sure you’d never feel insecure ever again.

Having your boyfriend be the ace of a popular volleyball team was proving to be an incredible experience, as you had the opportunity to witness not only the developing friendships on the team, but also the colossal amount of hard work that went into the winning streak they had been on for the past few matches.

You couldn’t be more proud - wearing Iwaizumi’s jersey in the stands, your voice louder than anyone else’s - Everything was going well, except for one little, tiny thing.

For once, along with the relentless Oikawa Tooru fanclub, a small group of girls had seemed to form around Iwaizumi, the only thing you could overhear being something about his “hands that were totally made for choking”. 

The bigger issue? They were all perfect. In their tiny, stupid skirts and their cute shirts and their sharp jawlines and sculpted faces and - Well, you had curves where others didn’t and you weren’t particularly proud of your body. Your thighs seemed larger than usual and you almost gasped at the sudden wave of despair washing over you. Why would he date you when he could easily have them?

You weren’t a masochist in any sense - However, you found yourself unable to turn off your eavesdropping, only hearing more and more things that would make you spiral into self-loathing. You felt overwhelmed, so you quickly grabbed your bag and hurried out of the room, finding a bench to sit on and simply breathe.

Not long afterwards, however, you heard lots of squeals - presumably from Iwa and Oikawa’s fanclub - and prepared yourself for what you’d have to witness.

To your surprise, however, as soon as the doors of the court opened, you could only see a tuft of black hair aggressively elbowing everyone in the crowd, dropping a nonchalant “sorry” here and there, before finally running straight into your arms.

He breathed in your perfume, still hugging you tightly, before letting go and grinning widely towards you.

Before he could speak, however, he found himself being interrupted by some loud squeals. Looking at you, he rolled his eyes playfully before shouting:

“Trashikawa, grab your stupid fanclub and get out of here, I can’t talk to (Y/N) properly!”

To your surprise, the setter’s face twisted into that annoying, cocky smirk of his, before he coyly replied: 

“Iwa-chan, maybe you should grab a hold of your fanclub! We’re well-behaved here, aren’t we?”, he smiled dazzlingly towards the nearest girl and you swore you saw her faint.

Upon glancing at your boyfriend, however, you quickly noticed his agape mouth, the surprised look quickly being overtaken by a frown, a hand grazing the back of his neck.

“Uh, thank you, ladies, I appreciate it, but I really wanted to talk to my girlfriend, so would you mind leaving us alone?”

He was being so genuine, you felt a pang of jealousy in your chest - It’s alright, he’s just happy to be supported, you had to remind yourself.

The ace had noticed your sour look, however, quickly turning back to you, mouth turned down into a scowl.

“Why the fuck can’t they stick to Shittykawa?”

You smiled giddily, before tangling a hand in his spiky locks. “Well that’s because you’re sweet, kind, genuine - muscular - and, uh”, you looked down embarrassedly, tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear, “fuck, you should be with one of them, I don’t deserve you.”

Now, you’d seen an annoyed Iwa plenty of times, but this couldn’t be matched - His brows seemed to furrow until they almost disappeared, his mouth pressed into a tight scowl as he looked your face up and down, checking whether or not you were being serious. Upon noticing that indeed, that was the case, he pulled you into him a tad too aggressively, pushing your chin up lightly to gaze into your eyes. 

His glare seemed to soften, before he started peppering your face with kisses. 

“You”, kiss, “are”, kiss, “the best goddamn thing”, kiss, “that’s ever happened to me.”

Finishing with his assault of kisses, Iwaizumi gave you a soft smile, before glaring playfully. “If you ever think that any of those girls would interest me half as much as you do, you’re really just as much of an idiot as Trashikawa, you know.”

Finally, he looked around before promptly squeezing your thigh, his large hand almost engulfing it. A small smirk played on his lips as he rose his gaze back to yours.

“I promise I’ll show you how gorgeous you are when we get home.”

[pandoraborn]

Cruelty of the Beast - Part 6

( previous. )

Characters: c!Tommy, c!Wilbur Word count: 1896 words Content: wilbur soot & tommyinnit are siblings, reference to abuse, reference to torture, reference to death, healing, wilbur makes amends,

------------

Wilbur’s walking too fast for Tommy to keep up, he has to actually jog just to remain a step or two behind the man. It’s not hard to figure out where they’re going; they’re easily headed for some beach.

Tommy doesn’t want to be here. He wants to at least stay in the cabin if he’s to stay put anywhere, but Wilbur had given him a shovel and an axe and told Tommy to follow. There’s never much of a choice with an order like that.

Wilbur also hasn’t spoken to Tommy in close to an hour now. The trek is long, but it’s also a torture all on its own. Tommy doesn’t do well with silence, fearing that Wilbur is silently judging him or sizing him up. He feels very much like he’s marching toward his own demise.

He very well may be.

Keeping his gaze down, Tommy tightens his grip on the handle of the shovel, trying to keep focused on staying right behind Wilbur, ignoring how much his legs are hurting.They’re passing by abandoned portals, portals they could easily light. The idea that there would be paths waiting for them on the other side is a far-fetched idea though; they’re too far out from any sort of civilization.

After what feels like forever, Wilbur finally stops. Tommy stops next to him, peering out at the water. It’d be so easy to craft a boat and sail out toward escape, but that would just be more isolation and loneliness. The potential escape isn’t worth that.

“Grab as much sand as you can carry in your inventory,” Wilbur explains. “We’re going to have to make another trip, possibly to a desert, but this is good enough.” He offers Tommy a smile. It’s reminiscent of the old Wilbur, the one that ran L’Manburg with all the pride and charisma he used to possess. There are shades of it again, but not enough to induce an illusion that this is good. Nothing about this situation is good. Ranboo and Dream had also disappeared some time ago, and there’s no telling when they’ll be back.

“What are we grabbing sand for?” Tommy asks to fill the silence. He’s already at work, grabbing sand and filing it away into his backpack. It’s messy and coarse, already getting into his shoes. “This already sucks.”

"Explosives,” comes the casual reply. Too casual for Tommy’s liking. He’d already had an idea, but the fact that Wilbur wants them both to fill their inventories, and then make a second trip scares Tommy. Narrowing his eyes, he pauses in his digging to lean against the shovel.

“Why are you doing this Wilbur? Why do you and Dream want to hurt everyone so bad? Why am I even here?”

“Instead of me answering those questions, can I ask you a few questions instead?” Wilbur too pauses, pressing his hands together as he studies Tommy with a pensive expression. “Please, be as honest with me as possible, alright?”

“No promises.” A nod signals for Wilbur to go ahead, however.

“Are you happy with your life right now?”

It’s a very pointed question that has Tommy flinching back. Instinct would have him deflecting or changing the subject entirely, but Wilbur looks like he’s waiting patiently for an answer. This isn’t the revived Wilbur, this is the one that had been Tommy’s closest friend for the longest time... brothers, even.

Part of him is tempted to lie, but that would be pointless. They’d talked endlessly in the void, with Tommy bitching every moment he could about how unfair his life had become. Wilbur knows him far too well.

“No,” Tommy finally mutters, turning away. “I’m not happy, but you knew that.”

“Is there anyone, any single person you trust and want to go back to?”

Tommy thinks of Tubbo, then of Puffy. He and Tubbo are still too awkward around each other, not having had a proper conversation since the final showdown with Dream. Sure they’d spoken a few times, but nothing deeper than arguments over where to live.

Puffy had made some promises, but he doesn’t know her from Sam, and Sam had broken his promise completely. With his shoulders slumping, Tommy shakes his head. Everything about this conversation is fucked up, and they both know it.

“Are you afraid of me?” Wilbur’s not ending his line of questioning anytime soon. This is the one question Tommy doesn’t really want to answer.

“Yes.”

“I see.” Wilbur falls silent as he turns away, going back to the task of gathering sand into his own backpack. The silence stretches between them, and Tommy feels it like a cold sweat on his back. It’s just as piercing as Wilbur’s questions, just as numbing as the afterlife. Silent, too, if the ringing in his ears is anything to go by. Even the lapping of the waves isn’t enough to snap him back to reality.

“Do you remember when we were younger?” Wilbur finally asks. The silence doesn’t snap Tommy back, but Wilbur’s voice does. Always a source of calm, always there to keep him grounded. It’s aggravating, this effect Wilbur has over him. Annoying and comforting at the same time.

“I don’t remember much anymore, Wilbur,” Tommy responds. “I remember wars and death and everything I worked for going up in smoke.”

“You don’t remember you and me?” Wilbur’s facing him again, wearing that ugly serene smile on his face. “You don’t remember how I used to read to you?”

“Vaguely.” It’s a dismissive answer, because Tommy wants to squash anything friendly out of his mind. The less he associates with Wilbur, the sooner they can end this game and he can go back home to his dirt house. “That was a long time ago, Wil.”

“It was our favorite activity.” Wilbur actually sounds sad. Tommy can’t tell if it’s acting or genuine, but he’s being drawn in anyway. Part of him wants to throw his arms around Wilbur and comfort him. A strong, loud part of him is already moving closer.

“I remember our favorite book was ‘The Hobbit’,” Wilbur continues. “I also read the Lord of the Rings trilogy to you a couple of times. You were so cute, hanging on every word. Simple times, Tommy. The best times.”

“I don’t have any best times,” Tommy snaps. “Like I said, I remember lots of wars. Lots of fighting and people dying. You died. I died, and now you kidnapped me. Why are you trying to butter me up? Wilbur this is so fucked.”

“I know. I messed up Toms. I messed up so many times, especially with you. Even now, I know what I did was cruel and stupid. I promise, if you give me one more chance, I’ll make it all up to you. No more pain, no more agony. You’ll have a support system-”

“Do I have to remind you of Dream?” Tommy snarls. His voice cracks as he speaks. “He’s the one who fucking killed me, remember? He had me exiled, he tortured me. And you come in like you know exactly what all took place!”

“Tommy I was dead. Had I been able to stop him, I would have. You know I would never condone anyone hurting you. I don’t like that you’ve been hurt the way you have been. I hate it more than anyone, trust me!”

“You still died and left me alone. If you weren’t so selfish, neither of us would be in this position! My life went to shit ever since you died, you don’t get to stand there and tell me you hate it.”

“I wasn’t good for the server. I wasn’t good for you. I thought that if I was gone, things for you would improve. I thought you would’ve won, that Dream wouldn’t have hurt you, or that your friendships would be strained.”

“Stop, stop!” This is embarrassing. Tommy’s crying, standing there in front of Wilbur and sounding like a petulant child. “Stop talking! Stop making me relive everything, okay? You weren’t there, you don’t get to act like you know what happened. It was shit. Everything was shit, everything is still fucking garbage, and now I’m stuck living with the one person who hurt me, thanks to you.”

“Toms. My Tommy...” Wilbur has tears of his own in his eyes. With his shovel falling into the sand, he gathers Tommy in his arms. Tommy doesn’t resist, because everything about this hug means something. It’s an actual, loving hug, and not a ploy at manipulation. He can feel it in the way Wilbur is holding him, rocking bath and forth with tiny hiccups. “Tommy I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m so sorry you were hurt and cast aside by everyone. I’m here now, alright? It’ll be me and you, just like it’s always been.”

Tommy sniffles as he leans into Wilbur. He’s not returning the embrace, but Wilbur feels so warm. It’s been so long since anyone had hugged him like this, or just loved him. He wants to savor this feeling.

“All your long years we’ve been friends,” Wilbur whispers. “Trust me as you once did.”

“You want me to let it all go?” Tommy finally wraps his arms around Wilbur. “I don’t even know what to let go of.”

“All the pain, Tommy. “All the pain, trauma, abuse. All your attachments. Even the memories. With us, you won’t hurt anymore. Dream won’t touch you, and Ranboo is your friend. I’ll be your brother, okay?”

“...let it all go...” Tommy relaxes more into Wilbur’s embrace. Slowly, his arms come up to rest against Wilbur’s back. “Let everything I had go, right?”

“I’m here again. I won’t leave you. I promise you Toms. Tommyinnit, gremlin child. Vice President, and my best friend, brother...”

“Don’t overdo it now,” Tommy jokes under his breath. It earns a chuckle from both of them. The laughter helps him feel normal, like maybe everything really will be okay. This doesn’t feel like an indoctrination, really. Wilbur isn’t evil. Maybe he’s got some misguided beliefs, but Tommy missed him. There’s no one that can fill the void in his heart like Wilbur can.

“Point is, it’s you and me against the world,” Wilbur continues. “We won’t count the other two yet, so we’ll stick with just us, alright? When all this is over, I’ll read to you again. Any book of your choosing.”

“Will you read me The Hobbit again?“ Tommy pulls back enough to blink slowly at Wilbur. His vision is still wet with tears, but he’s cheering up. “And maybe we can watch the movies together?”

“Absolutely. Anything for you, alright?”

“Then I trust you.”

“And?”

“And...I’ll stay by your side.” Tommy nods.

There are matching sighs from the pair, with them looking awkwardly at each other for a moment. Then, with a blush, Tommy picks up his shovel again and preparing to dig up more sand.

“I still don’t get why we have to do this,” Tommy grumbles.”

“Tell you what, after we get back to the cabin, I’ll let you blow up the surrounding area. You’ve earned yourself a few explosions to vent your anger.”

His excitement is barely contained, with him moving faster and shoveling even more dirt. Okay, the situation as a whole might still be fucked, but Tommy can’t resist playing with fire. As a treat.

[jaskierek]

Jaskier loved his lute to a ridiculous extent. Geralt liked to make fun of him for it, but Jaskier couldn’t bring himself to care. It was elven, for Melitele’s sake, a gift from Filavandrel himself. It was elven and it was beautiful, a deep chestnut brown with elegant carvings. It made him feel like someone worth listening to. He’d write a ballad about this very lute if he didn’t face the danger of brutal mockery for it.

One time, Geralt had been commissioned to get rid of some crazed witch that had a propensity for cursing the villager’s crops and who had closed herself off in a tower just outside the town. A tower which had subsequently begun to fall apart around them once Geralt had managed to knock her unconscious.

And see, previously, during their scuffle, Jaskier had been thrown across the room in the witch’s rage, his lute flying out of his grasp.

And see, Geralt had swung the unconscious witch over his shoulder, pulled Jaskier up by his doublet and was pushing him out of the tower.

And see, Jaskier was all for not dying, he really was, but his lute was still in there. So he slipped under Geralt’s arm, ignoring his frantic “Jaskier!” and grabbed his lute, narrowly missing a falling stone which would have crushed it into beautiful, jagged pieces. With a relieved sigh, he stood back up and then realisation dawned on him.

He was about to be buried in the rubble of a collapsing building.

Shit.

Running in the direction he had come from, he managed to dodge falling rocks and jump over crumbling walls, hearing Geralt crying his name from outside the building. Jaskier managed to find some relief in that, that Geralt was out and safe. He was almost out himself when he tripped over a brick, falling onto his forearms, feeling the breath get knocked out of him and a burning pain tear at his ankle.

Fuck.

In the thousands of possible ways he could have died on his many travels, it would be a brick that would take him out. He tried to catch his breath, to push himself up but his ankle would not cooperate.

An arm was suddenly pulling him up, out, practically dragging him to safety, only letting go once they had gotten far enough away from the tower. The second the arm let go, he fell to the ground, his ankle refusing to hold him up any longer. He didn’t care, he had his lute.

“What the fuck was that?” Jaskier winced at the rage in Geralt’s voice. He looked up tentatively at the furious Witcher.

“What was what?” He tried asking innocently. Geralt growled, dropping to the ground in front of Jaskier and grabbing him forcefully by the shoulders.

“What the fuck was that? You could have died Jaskier and all for what? Some instrument? What if I hadn’t reached you in time, hm?” Jaskier blinked at the genuine worry he saw beneath the anger on Geralt’s face, his golden eyes practically molten.

“Sorry?” Was all he could muster in response, for once not having much to say. Geralt growled again and looked away, letting go of Jaskier and standing up.

“Fuck.” he heard him mutter before turning away from the bard completely to go check on the still thankfully unconscious witch. Jaskier watched him walk away, shoulders still tense. He could tell the Witcher’s adrenaline was still coursing through him.

Jaskier tried manoeuvring his leg silently, wanting to test how injured it was. The movement caused a biting pain to tear up his leg, making him yelp in pain and the Witcher turn back around to face him. With a sigh, he kneeled down and reached for his ankle. “Take a breath.” He warned, before scooping up the injured leg to examine it. Jaskier sucked in a breath, scrunching his face and cradling his lute to his chest. Geralt’s eyes found his face yet again, the anger now gone, replaced by faint amusement. Those eyes flicked down to Jaskier’s lute before he shook his head. “Dumbass”.

—

Jaskier had almost died plenty of times because of that damned lute actually.

Another time, he had been cornered in a dark alley on his way to a tavern, this time without Geralt. The men demanded his money and he had reluctantly given them all he had, which albeit wasn’t much. Panic built in his chest as he watched the moonlight glint off of their blades.

“This all you got, bard?” Their leader demanded, clearly not pleased with the measly coins Jaskier had left.

“I’m afraid so, kind sirs.” He replied, voice wavering as the man stepped closer, his hungry eyes roaming Jaskier up and down, resting on the intricate lute in the bard’s hand. Jaskier uselessly attempted to hide the lute behind him, trying to squeeze it between his body and the wall. The man smirked.

“The lute.”

“What?”

Jaskier suddenly found himself face-to-face with a rather savage looking knife.

“Give us the lute.”

Jaskier paused, desperately trying to think of a way out. It was a gift from Filavandrel, from the elves, an elven lute, one he got on his very first adventure with Geralt. It was the same lute he had used to write and play his very first songs about the Witcher. There was no way in hell he was going to give it to some common, unwashed bandits.

“No.” Came his reply. He thought he sounded rather brave. Of course, this was almost immediately undermined by the subsequent blade to his throat.

“You want to rethink that response? We’d hate to ruin that pretty little outfit of yours.” He snarled, the others behind him sniggering. Jaskier’s heart was pounding in his throat, the cold blade pushing painfully against his skin.

“Leave the bard be.” Came a familiar voice and Jaskier almost sighed in relief but refrained, in fear that the movement would dig the knife further into his throat.

“Move on, Witcher, this is none of your business.” One of the other thieves sneered. Geralt was out of his periphery, but Jaskier hoped, no he knew, that Geralt wouldn’t leave him there.

“Unfortunately I can’t. See, that’s my bard you’re threatening.” Growled the Witcher, the familiar hiss of his sword escaping its sheath penetrating the air. Jaskier couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh, you think this is funny, bard?” The man asked, stepping closer and pressing the blade in further, finally drawing blood.

Not long after, Geralt was wiping the man’s own blood off of his steel, he had let the other two thieves run away.

“You wouldn’t give them your lute.” Geralt said, more of a statement than a question.

“A father always protects his child, dear Geralt.” Jaskier responded, giving his instrument a dramatic kiss. The Witcher only grunted in response, coming closer to draw his thumb across the skin of Jaskier’s throat, a frown on his face. The bard swallowed thickly.  “So…inn?” He managed to suggest weakly.

—

The point is, Jaskier was very protective of his lute. He had once almost gotten into a fight with a man who dared insult it.

“Criticise my singing all you want, but this lute does not sound like a wailing cat, you deaf, talentless bastard.” Jaskier had yelled from Geralt’s grasp, who was holding him back from punching the much bigger man.

The point is, Jaskier loved that lute. Which brought them to a very specific day.

The two men were in a town that had not yet warmed to the idea of Witchers, even after Geralt had gotten rid of a Kikimora for them. He wasn’t bothered by it though, he’d had plenty of…unpleasant experiences with humans before, especially before he’d met Jaskier who had made it his mission to change the public’s opinion on Geralt. He was used to hurled insults and glares and other…hurled objects.

He couldn’t say the same for Jaskier. The bard had experienced some of the dislike before, it came with job of following a Witcher, yet he still hadn’t gotten used to it

“You’d think they’d at least let us stay the night after what you did for them.” Geralt heard him mumble under his breath, his mood downright rotten as he scowled at all the faces glowering at the Witcher.

“Some cannot be swayed, Jaskier.” Came Geralt’s patient response, his feet swift beneath him as they tried to make their way out of the town as quickly as possible. There was a crowd gathering behind them, as if forming a blockade should the two men decide to venture back into the town. His hearing granted the Witcher the ability to hear the comments coming from the townspeople. He was glad that Jaskier couldn’t hear them, he had developed a habit of defending Geralt’s non-existent honour and while it did light a warm flame within him, they just needed to get out of this godsdamned town without any trouble. That was, until he felt something hard hit the back of his head.

“What was that?” Asked Jaskier, stopping alongside Geralt.

“Nothing.”  He grunted in response, beginning to move off again.

“Geralt-“ Jaskier began, but stopped when he saw another stone fly and hit the Witcher’s back this time, Geralt did not stop walking, however, the bard whirled around, seething. “Who the fuck threw that?”

“Jas-“

“He’s a filthy monster. Doesn’t belong here.” A middle aged man spat.

“You fucker-“ Jaskier started as he tried to storm over to the man, no doubt to kick him where it would hurt, but Geralt stopped him, grabbing his wrist.

“Don’t.” He said simply, jaw tense. He could sense that their audience was aggravated, which was the last thing Geralt wanted. Jaskier noticed the way the Witcher pursed his lips, he spotted the pain behind those amber eyes. Jaskier knew that the hatred people bore for him pained the Witcher more than he’d care to admit.

“Fine.” Came the bard’s terse response, the fury never leaving his face. The Witcher dropped his hand, eager to continue on when he saw another rock flying towards his face. He caught it this time, but couldn’t catch Jaskier as he stormed towards the man, lute over his shoulder as he swung it, swung it until -

A sudden crack rang out as the man fell to the ground with a bark.

He thought back to the times the bard had vehemently protected his lute, had endangered himself for it. And so, Geralt stared wide-eyed at his bard as he gripped his beloved, shattered lute, all the while shouting at the man. The Witcher’s non-existent honour felt very defended at the moment.

People were getting agitated, fingers curling into fists, Jaskier himself looking ready to hit someone over the head again. The Witcher quickly strode over to his bard before any more fights broke out, pulling him away by his waist and keeping him tight to his chest. He began to walk away again, Jaskier still yelling over his shoulder.

“-more of a monster than he’ll ever be! You’d be lucky if he ever came back to this ungrateful shithole of a-” his tirade continued. Geralt allowed himself a soft smile.

Jaskier had never feared Geralt and had always had hope in his humanity, always followed him into danger. He couldn’t deny Jaskier’s poor preservation skills but Geralt couldn’t help but feel a certain sweetness at the thought. At any thought of the bard, really.

And he knew how much that lute meant to him and how much a new one would cost.

He only let go of him once they had left the town, reluctantly setting him down and searching his face for the inevitable grief at his lute’s demise, finding only outrage.

“- fucking stones - what in the actual - who - they’re bloody fuckwits, the lot of them, Geralt, so don’t think for a moment that you’re anything but -“

“Jaskier.”

“What?”

“You have an incredible ability to talk at extreme length.”

“I am aware, Geralt, thank you.”

Geralt smiled and tilted his head in that fond way he sometimes did, Jaskier’s face lit up at the sight.

“Jaskier.”

“What?”

Geralt examined the still oblivious bard, slightly dishevelled, eyes shining.

“Your lute.”

Finally the bard seemed to realise what he had done. He lifted the battered instrument to his face, gazing at it woefully.

“Ah, well,” He began, voice breaking slightly, “it was a noble death, my friend.” Jaskier gave it a comforting kiss. “We’ll bury it somewhere nice, it’s the least we could do for all of the joy it’s brought us.”

Geralt snorted, but quickly covered it up with a cough when Jaskier’s watery, blue eyes looked to him again.

“Ah, yes, so…” The Witcher started, not really knowing what to say.

“Off we go?” The bard finished. Geralt gave him a small nod, moving off again on the road.

“Jaskier?”

“What?”

“Thank you.”

“Always, Geralt.”

And if the Witcher walked a little closer to the bard, brushing against him every so often, well, it really wasn’t anyone’s business, was it?

[toosicktoocare]

Ya’ll know how in the beginning of season 3, Tim’s just all mad/stressed mumbling and a lot of “I need to lie down”? Well, here’s some soft Tim and Martin bros because Tim is making me sad. 

“What’s the deal with that Tim guy anyway?” 

Brows furrowed, Martin peeks over a file he’s got held up close to his eyes as if the closer to his pupils, the easier he will understand the jumbled follow-up research. “Sorry. What do you mean?” He winces when Melane sighs loudly acrorss from him, her own hands tightening around the tape recorder she snagged from Martin’s desk. 

“I mean all he does is mumble under his breath, snap at people, and then he sulks off to the cot.” 

Melanie’s aggravation, Martin thinks, is understandably warranted, valid, and he carefully sets the file down before him, a muted huff of breath slipping past his lips. “Look, Melanie, a lot’s happened, and everyone’s working under a lot of stress right now. With Jon-”

“-missing, possibly wanted for murder-”

“-he didn’t muder anyone!” Martin doesn’t realize he’s slammed his hands against his desk until the burning sting begins to coat his palms. He swallows against the bubbling frustration creeping up his throat, his face a red mixture of embarassment and anger. “Sorry,” he sputters smally. “Everything’s just a lot.” His voice falls to a whisper, and Melanie’s posture eases up. 

“I may not fully understand what you all have gone through, but until Jon’s back, there’s a lot of work that apparently needs to get done. And, Tim-”

“-I’ll talk to him.” Martin slips to his feet, smoothing his hands down his shirt because he’s not sure what else to do with them, not with Melanie staring down at him with an expression he can’t quite pick apart. 

“Is he-”

“-sleeping on the cot for the fourth time this week? Yep.” Melanie answers, popping the ‘p.’ She stalks off, offering a single nod toward Martin, before closing the door of her office, and Martin waits until he can hear her recording before he leaves to find Tim. 

The door’s closed when he arrives, and he offers two courtsey knocks, eyes rolling at the gravely “go away” that comes from the other side. 

“Tim,” he calls out softly as he nudges the door open. “It’s Martin.” 

“Okay,” Tim drags out lowly. “Go away, Martin.” 

Martin slips into the room, closing the door quietly behind him. He can’t keep the frown the pulls tightly at his lips when he spots Tim lying flat on his back with one arm draped over his eyes. Though obscured, he can still make out how pale Tim’s face is, the few worm scars that are visible standing out a stark gray against washed out skin. 

“Are you okay?” 

The sigh that slips past Tim’s clenched teeth is loud and long, as if he’s expelling a year’s worth of swollen stress that’s been pressed against his lungs. “You’re still here.” 

“Well, yeah,” Martin stutters lightly, fingers pulling against the sleeves of his sweater. “I’m worried about you, Tim.” 

“Oh, save it.” Tim drags out, voice weak but edging a dangerous line. He lifts his arm and heaves himself into a sitting position, throwing his legs over the side until they hit the floor, and he glares hard when Martin gasps loudly across from him. 

“Tim, you look terrible!” Tim’s face, now fully visble, looks sunken in, his cheeks almost as hollow as his eyes. Beads of sweat line his temples, and his hair, normally styled neatly, is lying flat, a few strands sticking to his forehead. The dark circles painted under his eyes appear almost black against his ghostly white skin, and for a moment, Martin considers how many times he’s seen Jon like this, and he silently curses this place for draining people of what little energy they can muster as soon as they walk into this damned building. 

“What do you want, Martin? It’s Melanie’s turn to record.” 

“I came to check on you,” Martin answers as if it’s the most prominetly obvious statement in the world. “You’ve been coming in here to rest a lot. I just wanted to see if you were alright.” 

“Am I alright?” Tim laughs, weak, bitter. “Do I look alright to you, Martin? I haven’t slept since...” His voice falters, the stained image of the body on the archives floor redrawing itself once more in his mind. “Not to mention all of the absolutely insane supernatural shit that happened that I’m still not sure was real or not.” He rakes his fingers roughly through his hair, grimacing at the hot, damp sweat clinging to each strand. “And Sasha-” his voice cracks, and Martin’s quick to take a seat beside him, offering a warm, steady hand to his shoulder. 

Tim hunches forward away from Martin’s hand, elbows dropping to his knees and face falling into his cupped hands. “I just don’t know how much more I can take of this, and yet, I feel overwhelmingly nauseous when I even consider quitting.” 

Martin drops his hand to his lap, and his eyes cast to the floor. He understands completely how Tim feels, and because of this, he can’t concoct a single sentence that would even remotely touch the pain that’s been brewing within Tim since Jon’s disappeared, leaving behind a dead body in his office. 

“What can I do?” He asks instead, knowing that, more than ever, he and Tim need to stick together, to lean on each other while they struggle to wrap their minds around what’s real and what’s not. 

Tim sits up with another, long sigh, and he turns toward Martin, exhaustion pulling so evidently at his face. On instinct, Martin reaches out and gently brushes the back of his hand to Tim’s cheek, not surprised at the damp heat. 

“I really just need some time away. I need to sleep. I can’t keep... thinking about this place.” 

“I’ll tell Elias you’re ill,” Martin says, pulling his hand away. “You’re feverish, and you look like you could faint any second now, so it wouldn’t be a lie in the slightest.” 

“What about you?” Though feeling poorly himself, Tim can’t ignore the stress lines etched in Martin’s face, or the numerous times he’s caught Martin sighing almost longingly at the archives door. “You’ll drive yourself into ground.” 

“I’m okay,” Martin smiles, small, but genuine, and the look that colors his eyes is bright, determined. “I don’t know what happened that day, but I know that Jon didn’t murder that man, and while I don’t know where he is, I’m going to do what I can here to help, even if that just means picking up the slack until he comes back.” 

“You’re unbeliaveble.” Tim slips to his feet with a small shake of the head, his mind immediately pulling in all directions, wavering his vision, and he brings a hand to his head just as Martin jumps to his feet and plants a steady hand to his back. 

“Easy, Tim. Should I phone for help?” 

“No, just...” Tim groans, his jaw clenched tightly, “give me a moment.” He breathes through his swimming vision, willing his heart, that’s thumping so loudly in his ears, to settle, and after an endless moment where’s he’s not entirely sure he won’t wake up on the floor, the pain in his head eases to a dull drum along his temples. 

“Will you tell Elias that I’ll be back in a few days?” 

“I’ll tell him you’re running a fever and will be back when you’re well, even if that takes a week.” Martin stands firm with his statement, and Tim smiles tiredly at him, dropping one hand to his shoulder and offering a weak squeeze. 

“Thanks, Martin. And, sorry... for unloading all of this on you.” He waves his hand about weakly and starts out the door with Martin at his side.

“You know you can always talk to me, Tim.”

“I suppose I can,” Tim mutters softly. He starts toward his office to grab his things, stopping when Martin, who’s stayed back, calls out to him. 

“I’ll swing by after work with dinner. Is soup okay?” 

“Does it come with bedside poetry reading?” 

For the first time in what feels like countless incredibly long, drawn out years, Tim laughs, warm and genuine, as Martin’s face flushes an imposibly deep red, and Martin starts sputtering, nervous, shocked. 

“T-Tim! How did you... Did you find my tapes!?” 

[bellatrixobsessed1]

Ten Sides (Part 20)

She finds that it is more or less a matter of sorting out her feelings. It is quieter in her mind now. Less chaotic. She has a lot to think about, a lot to process. But at least it is organized. At least it feels authentic.

This semi-clarity comes as a relief especially with the palace in view. She can’t imagine returning with anything less than a clear head. She sits cross legged on the deck and watches as it looms closer. Admittedly, even with a wholly unclouded mind, she is apprehensive about returning.

Fully aware or not, Zuko had left her to get re-shaped and reformed beyond recognition. Fully aware or not, he hadn’t bothered to check in on her. Perhaps if he had she wouldn’t have fallen so far.

Azula inhales deeply and looks at her palm. She hasn’t yet gotten around to firebending yet, hasn’t mustered up the willpower to do so. She braces herself to see lapping and licking orange, but doesn’t think that she will be ready at all if that is what she finds. She closes her eyes and closes her fist. With the opening of her hand, comes fire. She waits for just another moment or two before opening her eyes. She just about cries with relief when she sees a gentle dance of blue. It is her fire.

“You must feel a lot better now.” Aang remarks, taking a seat next to her.

She manages a nod. Truly she does; the sun on her skin feels that much warmer and the breeze keeping it’s head at bay feels kinder as it rushes around her. Her tummy flutters with a feeling of exhilaration that she hasn’t felt in a very long time. A feeling that is perhaps optimism. Hope.

She watches the flame dance on her palm for a very long while before finally letting it sputter out and putting her hand down.

“Feel more like yourself?”

Azula nods again. At the very least she feels strong again. At the very least, she is better able to start picking up the bits of her confidence and piecing them back together again.

“We should arrive at the palace a little after nightfall. That’s what the captain told me.”

“That will do just fine.”

She never actually turns to face him. At last he takes the hint and mumbles something akin to, “alright, great, glad you’re feeling better.”

.oOo.

She is in better spirts and yet he is still reluctant to approach the princess. She is still dwelling on the deck and he isn’t sure if it is because she simply enjoys the fresh air or because she is trying to avoid being below deck with him.

Based solely on the way she has herself laid out with the sun warming her back, he would guess that it is a pretty solid mix of both. She does seem rather relaxed for a change and he isn’t sure that he wants to ruin this for her. But at the same time he has to know…

He takes a deep breath and, once again, takes a seat next to her. He waits for her to crack an eyelid and acknowledge his presence before stating,  “you’re still mad at me, aren’t you?”

With a sigh, the princess sits up. “Not particularly.”

“You haven’t talked to me since we balanced your chakras.” Evidently, he feels used. And maybe he deserves it. “I guess I can’t blame you if you hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, Avatar.” She says softly. “I just can’t think about you right now.” She pauses. He isn’t exactly sure what emotion flickers across her face, but is something very close to desperation. Conflict, he realizes. Azula seems to wear the two emotions the same way. “I don’t want to...I don’t want to lose you. I don’t have many friends. But there are other things that I need to focus on.”

“Like your bending?”

“Correct.”

“And how you’re going to confront Zuko?”

Another affirmative nod.

“You do realize that you can do all of those things and be social, right?”

This time her nod is disagreeing. “Not with you.”

He leaves her to herself and she leaves him contemplating the implications of that. He thinks that at least a part of him knows exactly what she is trying to tell him. Another part crave denial and yearns for him to stop thinking about it. It could be that he has it all wrong anyhow. He isn’t sure if he’d prefer that he were wrong or if he is secretly thrilled at the prospect of being correct.

Somewhere, somehow, he has grown quite fond of Azula; she has an admirable amount of determination, a resilience that he doesn’t come by often. In her own stern and stand offish way she is good for conversation. And beneath all of that hurt and fear, he has felt nothing but love and a protectiveness. He knows that he would not have been able to coax those emotions from her were they not already there.

And yet, she so stubbornly refuses to truly let people in.

.oOo.

Zuko is waiting at the docks when the ship pulls into port. The stars have just risen, they reflect tantalizingly on the water’s surface. He hears the hasty clinging of hammers as dock workers make their final repairs for the night.

The sea splashes him with a light spray as the vessel in front of him drops its anchor. Late traders and buyers bid each other hurried goodbyes and scramble back to their dwellings. Every now and then he hears a coin ping against the wood and roll away.

He watches one gain momentum and come to settle at someone’s feet. Her hair is shorter now and she isn’t as well groomed and pampered as he remembers, but he recognizes her immediately.

He has an impulsive urge to rush over and embrace her the way an older brother ought to, but her temperament keeps him at bay. After days at sea and a significantly longer period cooped up in an institution, he isn’t sure what mood she is in. He imagines that it is somewhere between exhausted and furious. Certainly, he can’t imagine that Azula is in any manner of a pleasant mood.

He keeps his distance, only offering a small wave, until Aang comes to stand next to her. “Hi, Zuko!” He greets with a smile.

Zuko come closer and slings his arm over Aang’s shoulder, “good to see you again.”

“Yeah, I’ve missed talking with you and the others.” Aang agrees. “Has Appa been good?”

“You’ll have to ask Sokka and TyLee, they’ve been watching he and Momo.”

With Aang’s nod, Zuko turns to Azula. He grits his teeth and tries to come up with some sort of greeting. She offers him no help. He wonders how much energy she is investing into not frying him on the spot. But the more he looks, the less likely this seems to him. The more he looks, the more tired she seems. And for what it is worth, he can’t particularly sense any hostility.

At last she speaks, “aren’t you going to welcome me home?” Her tone is caught between a jest and a genuine inquiry. But she doesn’t seem particularly resentful.

Somehow this is more pertubing than the notion of having to fight her. His stomach grows queasy; have they successfully shaped her into someone else entirely. Is that why she is home?

He knew that they would be utilizing spirit energy as part of her recovery process, but would they really go so far as to have twisted her spirit into something it was never meant to be.

He forces a smile, “yeah. Welcome home, Azula. You’re probably looking forward to sleeping in your own bed again.”

“Among other things.” She confirms.

Some of his unease subsides; she, at the very least, still sounds and talks like Azula.

“Was Sangyul able to help you at all?”

Azula cuts Aang a glare, “just how vague was your letter?”

Aang shrugs, “I just told him that we were on our way back to the mainland and needed a boat.”

Azula sighs, “let’s head back, I’ll tell you along the way.”

The reach the palace before she finishes her recap. For a good while they linger on the steps as she covers the last stretch of her journey and boasts about how she has balanced her chakras so she can give him the ass kicking he deserves for leaving her in such a miserable facility.

And by the end of her story, Zuko still isn’t certain that he has all of the details. He has a sneaking suspicion that she has left a lot out; whether it is because she doesn’t want him to know or because she simply can’t bring herself to talk about it, he doesn’t know. But he is decently disturbed all the same.

He looks between Aang and Azula as it all settles in. “I...I didn't realize…”

“Why didn’t you come by to visit, Zuzu?” She asks, tone simmering in accusation. At last he feeling the resentment he had been expecting at the harbor.

“I thought that seeing me would upset you.”

Azula shakes her head. “It wouldn’t have. They would have had me nice and happy and sub…” she trails off, “relaxed, just for you.”

His stomach lurches.

.oOo.

Where Zuko’s stomach sinks, Aang feels bizarre pangs of relief. Azula is angry. She is all fire and icy fierceness. He hasn’t seen this from her in quite a while. Perhaps he should have just brought her right to Zuko; he seems to have a very special way of bringing out her lashing tongue and her merciless wit and sarcasm.

Aang puts a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t touch me!” She snaps. She shakes his hand off before he can retract it on his own. “Sorry.” He grumbles. “I was just hoping that the two of you would give each other a chance.” Granted Zuko has given her a chance--he vocalizes as much--it is Azula who has thrown up her walls. Even so he doesn’t want to aggravate her more. “I think that it would make things easier if you two weren’t arguing.”

“He left me with him.” Azula snarls. “With you.”

Aang swallows, he thinks that Azula’s eyes betray at least a little regret.

“I’m due for a bath.” She grumbles, with an almost sheepish folding of her arms.

“Azula! Calm down.”

“Grab your spirit vines and make me.” She hisses. It is equally devastating and reassuring. Doubly so when she ignores his requests that she stays and finishes talking things out. He very nearly goes after her but Zuko holds him in place at the shoulder. “Let her have her bath, she might be less cranky after

Aang nods.

“And besides, I was hoping you could tell me things from your side. Without side commentary.”

Aang allows himself to chuckle.

.oOo.

Where Azula had left blank spaces, Aang fills him in. He goes quiet when she reappears, smelling freshly of jasmine shampoo. She spares him a glance before disappearing into her room. This time Aang lets her have her way quietly.

“She didn’t tell you, but she lost her fire for a while--I mean I did take it but even after I gave it back she was having trouble. Zuko, it was bad. Really bad.” He steals a glance at her bedroom door. “I’m still kind of worried about her.”

Zuko doesn’t particularly need him to elaborate. He has a hard time picturing his sister without her fire, even if it is only for a span of time.

“And then for a while, when it came back, it wasn’t even blue.”

And the implications of that are jarring. “Is there anything else I should know about.” Exactly what could break her to the point where her fire faded.

Aang grimaces and seems to contemplate whether or not he should share. “He--Sangyul made her cut her hair. She called him, ‘father’. And he...he did things to her. Humiliated her. He would make it seem like she had choices and then he would make these little remarks until she changed her mind.” He takes swallows hard. “And for a while after our escape she wasn’t making decisions on her own…”

“What the fuck, Aang!?” The Avatar flinches at his outburst. “How could you let that happen? I told you to work with her spirit energy to help her not...do that!”

“I know.” Aang replies quietly. “I don’t know how I let it happen. I guess...I guess that Sangyul is good at what he does. He convinced me that I was helping her and by the time I realized what was going on…” He makes a vague gesture. “She says that she isn’t angry with me but I think that she is.”

“I am.” Comes a declaration from behind a closed door. Zuko can vividly picture her laying on her side, arms folded, face fixed in a pout.

.oOo.

Quieter, Aang mutters, “I’m not sure if she’s angry that I just told you all of the details or because of everything that’s happened.  Happened.” He has a feeling that it is a blend of both, perhaps with a more heavy lean on him blabbing away.

He imagines that her resentment had been carefully put aside while he helped her through everything. And now that it has come up, it is coming out. And maybe that is a good thing, maybe he needs to let her work through it.

“Let her sleep it off.” Zuko confirms. “She hates long boat rides, she complained almost the whole time when we went on family trips to Ember Island.” He laughs to himself.

Aang nods. “I just don’t want to lose her as a friend. I know that you two don’t get along but she’s…”

“I know that she’s not a bad person. She sure as Roku’s beard isn’t friendly, but she’s not a bad person.”

Aang smiles. At least that’s some progress. “She’s actually kind of nice when she’s in a good mood.”

.oOo.

Azula stares up at the ceiling, head spinning with frustration and unease. Aang had told Zuzu much more than she wanted him to know and now she has an extra helping of shame and indignity to work around on top of all else. Likely he sees weakness where he used to see strength.

She inhales sharply. He’d already seen her thrashing about, tethered to a grate, he can’t possibly view her anymore pitifully than he does already. She inhales again and tries to focus on what she’d learned from her meditation.

There is depth in shame. Pride in shame. She rolls onto her side and rests her head on her hands. And maybe they see strength in her ability to overcome and carry on. Maybe they see dignity in the reclaiming of her autonomy.

At the very least, she can see the dignity and strength in it.

[samthemarvelfan]

One Last Time (Part 2 of 2)

Summary: ModernAU! Mini Series! With her best friend’s wedding around the corner, Ella Monroe is bound to run into people from her past. While she may have left her old life behind, it seems as though her heart hasn’t.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC, feat: Wanda Maximoff, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson

Warnings: Swearing, heavy angst, infidelity, mentions of drinking, implied smut.

A/N: Part Two is here! (It’s long and im sorry lol) This idea was so much fun to write! Thank you as always for all the love on Part One, I’m so honored you’re reading my work! Buckle up, y’all. You’re in for quite the ride. <3 (taglist is still open, just send an ask!)

Taglist: @iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 @warmvanillafeels @star-spangled-beard-burn @ravenesque @pinknerdpanda @wintersoldierissucharide @snapcapquartet @ellen-reincarnated1967 @unlistedpond @my-drowning-in-time @supernaturalwintersoldier @kimvmarvel @roseboho @disaffectedbarnes​ (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!)

“I was wondering how long you were gonna avoid me.”

Your breathe caught in your throat. Suddenly, it felt like ice water was rushing down your spine.

You couldn’t think—couldn’t move. You had to will your brain to function again.

“What exactly makes you think you’re worth me avoiding?” You hissed.

Bucky’s voice was ingrained into your memory—you’d know it anywhere. The biggest crowds or the largest rooms, you could pick out his tone.

He let out a small chuckle. “It’s good to see you, Els.”

He was sat in a shadowed part of the patio, it’s no wonder you didn’t see him when you came out.

You scoffed, “Is it? Wish I could say the same there, buddy.”

The shock of seeing him had faded; how were you this composed? You’d always thought you’d be putty in his hands if you ever saw him again.

Turns out your backbone was made of fucking steel.

Bucky stood, gripping onto what you assumed was bourbon—his go-to drink.

On the rocks, three fingers high. You thought, hating yourself for remembering.

When he stepped into the light, it was clear why your backbone had been strong; you hadn’t seen his face yet.

You’d be a liar if you said he looked bad. He was still handsome as ever. He had a bit of a beard now, the stubble of one at least, and his hair was shorter thank you’d ever seen it.

“Wanda said you asked if I was here.” You crossed your arms, shielding yourself from him.

He nodded, taking a sip of his drink. “I did.”

You waited for him to continue, but he didn’t. The only sound between the two of you was the ice clinking against his glass.

“You gonna tell me why?” You sneered.

Bucky smiled and shook his head. “Just curious, Els. Just curious.”

Why is he smiling? What the fuck does he have to smile about?

“Right, I’m sure curiosity is what made you hide out here. Alone.”

He finished his drink with one final toss, “Actually, I was with Steve, but he said he was grabbing drinks for you guys, so...figured I didn’t wanna intrude.”

Your arms fell to your sides, “Intrude?” You asked.

Bucky nodded, “Yeah. On your date. Personally, I don’t see it, but if he’s what you’re into now-a-days, then...” he drifted off.

Your blood began to boil. “What I’m into?” You echoed. “I’m not here with Steve, James. Even if I was, I don’t think that’s any of your fucking business.”

His eyes widened, confidence drained from his face. “No, no, Els I didn’t mean—“

“And another thing, what makes you think you have even the smallest right to make that comment? Or any comment! It’s been 5 years, James!” You’d shouted, grateful for the music bumping inside.

Bucky scrubbed a hand down his beard, “I know, I know...shit. This isn’t how I wanted this to go.”

“This?” You asked, “There is no this. Hasn’t been for a long time, you made sure of that.”

When he didn’t reply, you scoffed, rolling your eyes.

“Ya know what? You’re not worth the aggravation. I’ve been there with you and there’s nothing good in it for me.” You start heading towards the doors to go back inside.

“Enjoy the wedding, James.” You say without looking at him.

Your hand touches the door, when he calls out to you. “Ella?”

Your gaze is returned to him once more.

“Y-you look beautiful, Doll.” He says.

You, on the other hand, don’t say anything.

Once your back inside, you find Wanda and Sam and Steve and finish the rest of your night in the company of your friends.

All while wondering if that crack you heard in Bucky’s voice was real or not.

“Vomit. I’m going to vomit.” Wanda said, fanning herself.

You rushed back to her with a glass of cold water. “Oh no you’re not, not in this dress and that makeup. I won’t allow it.”

She sipped the cold drink, “I’m starting to regret having no one up there with me.”

You adjusted her veil, primping the last bit you could. “No shit.” You joked.

She let out a long breathe, and then inhaled deeply. “I’m getting married. God, this is crazy.”

You smiled softly, “It’s not crazy. No one, and I mean no one deserves this more than you.”

Wanda’s eyes landed gently on yours, “You do.”

You sat with that for a moment. Your best friend is standing here, minutes before she walks down the isle, trying to get you to understand that you are worthy of love, and that you deserve your happy ending.

“I love you, Wan.” You choked out. “But if you make me cry I’m gonna kick you ass.”

You both laughed out your nerves. “Whew...okay, distract me. I can’t sit here for 10 more minutes in silence.”

You waited a moment, thinking on what to say, before you blurred out what was weighing most on your mind.

“I saw Bucky last night.” You whispered.

Wanda eyes expanded, “What? You didn’t tell me!”

You roll your eyes at her dramatics, “There’s nothing to tell, Wan.”

“Well what did he say?!” She prodded.

You recounted the small interaction to her. Her face making the funniest expressions with each added detail.

“Then he said ‘this isn’t how I wanted this to go’...whatever that means.” You said, handing her her bouquet.

“Anything else happen?” God damn this girl could read you like a book.

You cleared your throat. “I was uh, I was walking back inside and he stopped me and said ‘you look beautiful, doll’...”

Her jaw dropped, “He so wants you back.”

You laughed. Genuinely laughed. “Wanda, you’re psychotic.”

She slapped your shoulder, “Am not! He obviously regrets what he did and how things ended. Maybe he wanted to use this weekend to apologize?”

You shook your head subtly, slipping your heels back on. “James Barnes does not apologize.” You stated flatly.

5 Years Earlier, before the breakup.

“Buck, please stop.” You whispered to him.

He was being brash, loud, and boisterous at the very first work event you’d been invited too.

Oh yeah, and he was piss drunk off of the open bar.

“Stop what? I’m just telling stories, Doll.” He said, louder than he realized.

You colleagues all gave you looks of pity. Your boss Pepper was watching you with a curious eye, not judging, just taking in your interaction.

That was somehow worse.

“Bucky, please...everyone is looking at you. This is my job. You’re—“

“I’m what, Els?” He slurs loudly.

Your feel the blood rush to your face. “James...” you warn.

“What is it? Am I embarrassing you? I’m not fancy enough to hang out with your work pals, is that it?” His words are laced with venom. How long had he been feeling like this?

Your face softened looking at your boyfriend. About to speak, you notice Pepper making her way through the crowd.

You panic, “Alright, time to go.” Quickly, you grab Bucky’s hand and yank him toward the door.

You don’t stop walking until you’re a safe distance away from the building where the conference was being held.

“What is the matter with you?!” You shout unable to keep composure any longer.

Bucky’s face is stoic, and unfazed by your outburst.

“I was trying to have fun, but those uptight douchebags wouldn’t know fun if it—“

“I work with those people, James! My boss was watching you make an ass of yourself the whole time!” You can’t help the anger settling in your bones.

He scoffed, “So you are embarrassed of me. Noted.” He said walking past you.

But he paused, turning on his heel to take a few steps back to you. “Ya know what, Els? I didn’t have a fancy education and I don’t have a big, cushy job. I’m just an average fucking guy. I can’t fit in with these people, I don’t belong with those people.”

You cross your arms. Have you really become this couple? Fighting on the streets of Manhattan in the freezing cold?

“Have I ever asked you to be someone else? I invited you because my Boss told everyone to bring their spouses.” You take a step toward him.

Bucky sighed, running his hands down his face. “We’re just...two different people, Ella.”

All at once it feels like the winds been knocked out of you.

“Yeah. Yeah we are. But unlike you, I don’t see you the way you do. I see a hardworking man. A guy who has taken care of everyone else his whole life, and who deserves to have someone finally take care of him. I see a man who takes pride in his work and enjoys what he does. I see a guy who pays his bills on time, and who always manages to surprise me with even the smallest of gestures. I see the man I love, James.”

You were crying. How long had he felt so inadequate? It broke your heart to think he didn’t feel as important as he was to you.

“I can’t help my job. I can’t help my education. But don’t you dare throw those things in my face. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, and I’m damn proud of myself for it.

He watched you for a moment, his jaw clenched tightly. Bucky shoved his hands in his pocket before hanging his head low. “I’m...I don’t know what to say.”

Damn his pride. You thought to yourself.

You reached out to him, cupping his cheek in your hand. “I know. It’s okay.”

He kissed your palm, before pulling you into him. “I’m not good enough. I know I’m not. Not for you.”

Bucky kissed your forehead, and for some reason, you weren’t sure why, it felt like he was saying goodbye.

The wedding was beautiful. Not a dry eye in the house—certainly not from you.

“Nat was a blubbering mess.” Sam jested.

“Excuse me for being over-emotional!” She said gesturing pointedly at her stomach.

You laughed, “I cried too, Nat, don’t worry.”

“Hey, got your table cards, guys.” Steve said, walking over to the three of you.

“Thank you,” you said with a smile, “She seat us together?”

He nodded, “Sure did, thank goodness.” Steve smiled, handing you your card.

“I need to go sit and eat and eat some more—in that order.” Nat said.

You walked to the beautifully set circular table, walking around to find what seat your place card was on. That’s when you noticed the fifth seat at the table.

“Who else is seared with us?” Sam asks.

Picking up the seat card between your seat and Steve’s, you felt you stomach do a back flip.

“Is that my seat?” A voice asked, approaching you from behind.

Not a voice. His voice.

You spin to see him. Bucky. Standing there with a sheepish grin on his face.

Practically throwing the place card down, you swiftly take your seat. “Looks like it.”

Wanda, I’m going to kill you. You think to yourself.

Bucky said his hello’s to everyone, taking his seat. “I didn’t know about this, I swear.” He whispers to you.

“It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Just...don’t talk to me.” You whisper harshly.

From the corner of your eye, you can see the defeat on his face as he sinks back into his chair. Since when does he have feelings?

You perk up at the clinking of a fork against a crystal glass. “Excuse me ladies and gentlemen? We’re going to have a few words from the Bride and Groom before dinner is served.” Wanda’s brother announced.

Vis went first. He spoke about how he and Wanda had met, and how quickly he fell in love with her. He spoke about what he loved about her in more detail than I’d ever heard some describing anything.

He loved her. He was in love with her.

It warmed your heart to see how safe and happy your friends heart was. A soft smile landed on your lips as you watching Wanda stand and join Vis to speak.

“You ever want something like this?” Bucky whispered to you as their speeches continued.

You glance at him quickly, shocked at the ease in which he spoke to you. His face was gentle, his eyes seeming desperate for an answer.

“What, a wedding? Sure I did.” You said earnestly.

He paused for a moment, clearly nervous to speak again. “D-Did you ever want it with me?”

You hesitated. Why is he asking you this here, now? Was Wanda right? Was this all a big plan to apologize?

You sighed, turning away from him slightly. “You were my everything at one point, Buck. Future included.”

You wondered if that sentence had hurt him the way it hurt you.

Wanda continued her speech. What she was saying you weren’t sure, your mind was exactly where you didn’t want it.

With Bucky.

Despite your back being to him, you felt his stare. The heat coming off of his body, ironically enough, made you shiver.

“Ella...” his voice strained from behind you.

You did a half turn to see his face. His eyes were watery with tears, and his jaw was locked. “Can I—can we talk? Please.” He begged.

You don’t know how it happened. Maybe it was the sincerity in his tone, or the loss of hope in his eyes, but before you know it, you’re following him out to the hallway, into an empty stair well.

“I just wanna talk, I promise.” He confesses.

You roll your eyes, “You said that already, James.”

Bucky groans. “For Christ’s sake, will you stop calling me that?”

A scoff passed your lips, “It’s your name. If you’d like, I’m sure I can come up with some other things to call you.” You quipped.

He stood still finally, “It makes it sound like we’re fucking strangers, Ella .”

“That’s because we are!” You shout. “It’s been five years, probably more since I’ve seen you, let alone spoken to you. You don’t know me anymore, and I’m fairly certain I never actually knew you.”

The feeling of your heart beating out of your chest took over. You were allowing yourself to feel for the first time in all these years. All the hurt and the pain and the rage he’d caused your heart was being laid bare.

“Yes you did. You were the only one who ever saw the real me.” He said somberly.

You scoffed, “Good to know. The real you is a cheater and a liar. Noted.”

He groaned furiously, “No! For fucks sake that’s not what I meant.”

You watched the struggle happening within him. Bucky was never a “good talker” as he used to say, that’s why he always wrote letters. It was obvious he was trying to piece together some kind of coherent thought.

“Just say what you wanted to say, James.” You urge him, crossing your arms.

He shook his head. “I’m not...fuck, I’m still not good at this. You’d think I would have learned how to fucking apologize by now.”

Your breathing hitched, “What did you say?”

He sighed, “I’m taking a really long time to...just fucking say...I’m sorry. God, I’m so fucking sorry for what I did to you.”

Suddenly ice water was coursing through your veins. He said sorry. James Barnes said he was sorry.

You couldn’t speak, and even if you could, what would you say?

His voice was shaking as he spoke, “I was so fucking selfish and blinded by my own insecurities, that I let it ruin the best thing in my life. You were...God, you were everything I could have ever wanted.” He smiled, presumably getting lost in his memories of the two of you.

He stepped closer to you, and to your surprise, you didn’t back away. “But just cause I wanted you doesn’t mean I deserved you, and I guess deep down I knew that. Hell, I wanted to break up after that disaster at your office party. Remember that? That’s when I knew if we stayed together, I’d just drag you down with me.”

His words broke—re-broke your heart. The tears stinging your eye were begging to be shed. But Bucky was speaking without hesitation now, so you let him.

“I tried, Doll. I tried so many fucking times to be a man and end it. But then you’d come home after a long day and look so fucking happy to see me,” his voice cracked with emotion, “and I couldn’t do it. You were so perfect, and so good to me. I was a selfish prick who wanted to soak you in a little more before I knew I’d have to push you away.”

“You had no right to make that decision!” You sobbed.

Bucky reached out and wiped your tears off your cheeks. Why don’t you push him away?

“Honey, I was a broken, immature boy pretending to be the man you deserved...” a tear fell down his cheek as well.

You finally pushed him back, wiping your own eyes. “So you decide to fuck another girl in our bed? That was your great plan to push me away? How about be honest, Bucky!”

He stood there, taking his verbal beating. “You could’ve told me how you were feeling. I would have told you how ridiculous that was--how much I fucking loved you! How I would have helped you in any way you needed me too. But you decided to fucking kill me instead. You broke me, Bucky. The life we had wasn’t perfect, but it was ours.”

He scrubbed his face with his hands, sniffling when he shoved them back in his pockets. “I know. I know what I did. I see your face every God damn day of my life. That look on your face when you saw that girl in our house.”

You bit your lip, the painful memories of that day making your stomach churn.

“I never slept with her, though.” Bucky says plainly.

You scoff, “and here I thought for one we were finally being totally honest with each other.”

He put a hand over his heart. “On my life, Doll. I didn’t. Had I planned too? Yeah. But you came home that afternoon and thankfully I never did.”

“James...” you scold, “I saw her! She was pretty much naked in our bedroom!”

He nods, “She had gone to the bathroom to look for the condoms I hid in there. She couldn’t find them though, that’s when she walked out and you walked in.”

As you pieced together his story, your eyes flitted from side to side. “So..so you never cheated, you just intended too. But you never actually slept with someone else.” These were questions from you. They were statements. You were trying to make sense of all of this.

“Not that it makes any of what happened better, but I was gonna tell her to leave as soon as she came outta the bathroom. Honestly? I couldn’t get it up at all.” He jokes to ease the moment.

“Buck...” you chided

“I’m serious! I felt so fucking guilty, Els. I couldn’t do it. Besides she...” he drifted off.

“She what, Buck?”

His cerulean eyes met you for the first time. “She wasn’t you, Baby.”

Baby.

He’d called you that so many times. This time it felt different, it felt familiar. It felt right.

You shook your head, “Stop it, James.” Your lips quivered as you spoke.

He refused, “No. I lost you once, because of my own arrogance and stupidity, I’m not gonna do it again. Do you know how many times I wanted to write you? I have so many letters written, all of them unsent because I knew you’d never wanna see me again.”

He’d written you? He’d thought about you? All these years and you’d thought he’d forgotten you.

“I’ve loved you...what seems like my whole life, Els.”

You sniffled, “So what do you expect? Us to fall into each other’s arms and pretend like the last five years didn’t happen?”

He shook is head. “Of course not. I don’t even know what I was hoping for, really. I just needed you to know the truth, and for you to know how deeply and wholly sorry I am.”

In an instant, the world had changed. You were no longer holding onto the bitterness that had seeded itself into your heart. You’d seen Bucky in a new light, granted not a flattering one, but a true one.

One that showed he wasn’t the heartless monster you’d been believing he was for years.

“I forgive you.” You choked out.

A muffled sob snuck past his lips. “C-Can I hug you?” He asked timidly.

You hesitated, but eventually nod. In an instant, Bucky’s arms are enveloping you. His warm chest comforting your shaking body.

He held you for what felt like hours, inhaling your scent, and caressing you’re back.

But you didn’t mind.

It felt good to be held again, and to be held by Bucky felt familiar.

He pulled away slightly, to look at your face. His eyes roamed over every detail, like he was afraid he’d forget something if he’d never see you again.

“Buck.” You practically whisper.

He smiled, “I can’t kiss you...right?”

You bit your lip. “No...no. Definitely not. Right?” You reply weakly.

He stepped back, “Yeah, that’s...that’d be too much.”

You smoothed you’re dress down, and tucked some hair behind your ear. “Exactly. Yeah.”

“We should get back out there anyway. I have a feeling we’re missing that very expensive dinner.” He laughed.

You smiled softly, “Don’t wanna miss that.” You jest.

Bucky let you walk in front of him, leading the way.

You grasp the door handle, but before you can swing it open, Bucky grabs your hand and twirls your body into his.

Without missing a beat, his lips are on yours before you even have time to think. Like second nature, you melt under his touch.

Mouths moving with a remembrance and familiarity that you hadn’t felt in forever. Hands searching for changes in each other’s bodies—there were none.

“Bucky. Buck...stop. Stop.” You moaned.

He did as he was asked, “What—what’s wrong?” He breathed into you.

“We can’t do this...not here.”

He pulled back, hesitantly, but he does. “You’re right. Shit, I’m sorry.”

You laugh, “Don’t be. We just...we can’t just jump back into things like that. We gotta get to know each other again. Okay?”

He smiled whole heartedly. “Really?”

You nod. “Just...don’t make me regret this, Bucky. Please.”

Bucky grabbed your hand, bringing it to his mouth. He placed a chaste kiss on your palm, before closing it and returning it to your heart. “I promise you, Ella. I promise I’ll make this right.”

And you believe him.

Is it against your better judgement? Maybe. But you know the old saying, ‘Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...”

As you walked back to the reception with him, you saw Bucky with new eyes. You no longer looked at him with disdain and malice, but instead, you saw hope.

Hope for not only your future and his, but hope for one you can build together.

In the end that’s all you wanted, something that everyone in your life seemed to have and believe you deserved.

A happy ending.

Part One

[paranoia-assault]

Fate/Stay Night Review

I've been meaning to get around to this for a while, so this post will contain my thoughts on Fate/Stay Night. I'll be going in order of how you're supposed to play the routes. Massive spoilers btw. Also this is copied over from Twitter, so sorry for any weird formatting.

Keep in mind I enjoyed every route, so any negative points I bring up never made me think the route wasn't worth reading. That said, UBW > HF > Fate, so we'll be starting with my least favorite route.

There's 2 reasons why the Fate route is my least favorite. The first is that is has to explain a lot, so it feels like not much happens in it compared to the other two routes. The second is Shirou's "girls can't fight" bullshit. I can't stand Shirou in the 1st half of the route.  Shirou does get better, but this is probably my least favorite version of him. I cannot stand every moment he tries to hold Saber back from fighting and almost gets himself killed because "girls can't fight." It is extremely aggravating.

That said, Shirou is fantastic in the second half of the route. The Fate route is Saber's story, and he plays the perfect part in it. His dream of being a super hero goes perfectly with her wish of being a great king. Seeing these ideologies clash, then come together, is amazing. It's why I like the Shirou/Saber ship despite Shirou/Rin being my favorite. These two were practically made for each other. Last Episode only adds to this, and it made me retroactively like the Fate route more. Saber's ending was beautiful and their eventual reunion even more so.

Illya was also great as a villain. I do think Gilgamesh and Kirei both have routes where they shine better as villains, so when I think "the villain of the Fate route," it's Ilya who comes to mind. Berserker was the perfect threat, and the two together were genuinely terrifying.

Summed up thoughts on the Fate route: Good starting point. A bit slow, and Shirou is very annoying in the first half, but the Saber/Shirou dynamic in the second half makes the route worth playing. 7/10.

Time for my favorite route: Unlimited Blade Works. I fucking adore this route. When I think "Fate/Stay Night," this is the route that comes to mind. If I were to recommend one route, it would be this one. I even plan on watching the anime for it at some point.

The main reason I love this route is Shirou. UBW Shioru specifically is one of my favorite Fate characters. He is confronted with a massive challenge to his ideals. He's pretty much shown they're flawed. But rather than toss them aside, he strengthens his convictions. He denies his future self, determined to be different. Yeah, his ideals might have flaws, but why should that matter? Carrying on Kiritsugu's dream is meaningful to him. The pain is worth saving those he can. Even if it's a thankless, miserable task, he won't turn away from it.

Oh, and let's talk about Archer. I love him. Seeing a pessimistic side of Shirou, a potential result of his ideals, was fascinating. I was genuinely shocked when the twist happened, and it made me deeply appreciate Archer's character. Archer is another of my favorite F/SN chars.

Now, let's talk about my favorite F/SN character, Rin. Rin is great. She was trained to understand and accomplish what has to be done, but has a soft spot not unlike Shirou's that leads her to help others. She had a painful upbringing, but doesn't regret a second of it.

She is the perfect foil for Shirou. She recognizes the pain his ideals are putting him through, but rather than force him to throw them away, she decides to stay with him to make sure he doesn't push himself too far. She tries to help Shriou learn to enjoy himself. Shirou/Rin is my favorite ship in the VN for this reason. They compliment each other so well. Their personalities clash in a way that lets them both grow, and they're genuinely cute together, though you can say that last part about any of the 3 main Shirou ships.

The villains are also great. Caster isn't the same type of threat as Illya/Berserker, but her backstory and dynamic with her Master is really interesting to see. I enjoyed her moments on screen. Gilgamesh was the perfect final boss for this route though. Specifically for Shirou. Gilgamesh' powers match Shirou's reality marble perfectly. Infinite Noble Phantasms. Gilgamesh calls Shirou fake, but that leads to Shirou showing how an imitation can outclass the original. It's such a smart hero/villain dynamic, and the perfect end to Shirou's story in UBW.

Saber even gets some closure in this route, though not as much as in Fate. She gets to be Rin's Servant at the end (which I adored btw), and once again chooses to destroy the girl, moving on from her past. Also, she lives in the good ending which makes me happy.

I also need to talk about Illya. Her scene with Berserker is one of her best scenes in the entire VN. She's barely on screen in this route compared to the other routes, but somehow she made just as much of an impact with that time. I felt so bad for her in that last scene.

Summed up thoughts on the UBW route: This route is where all the characters shone their brightest. Shirou's ideals are handled perfectly, almost every Servant gets the attention they deserve, and the writing is overall high quality the entire route. 9/10.

Finally, Heaven's Feel...I think my thoughts on this route will be the most controversial, as I have very mixed feelings. 

I do want to say this first. I love Sakura. She is a fantastic character, and she deserves the world. I'm glad she gets the spotlight in this route.

I also think Kirei was at his best this route. His backstory, along with his final confrontation with Shirou, were both extremely well written. He went from a despicable villain to a despicable written I love to hate. He almost stole the show as much as Sakura did, honestly.

Rider was great this route. I love the twist that Sakura is her true master, and her protective nature over Sakura was great to see. This is the only route where she manages to stand her ground against Saber for a decent period of time, too. I'm glad she lives to the end.

The highlight of the route, however, has to be Sakura and Rin's bond. Learning that they were sisters, and seeing them slowly and awkwardly get closer, is fantastic. That final confrontation between the two of them blew me away with the spectacle & Rin using the second sorcery. Of course, the hug that ended the fight was the best part. Rin realizing she can't kill Sakura after all, despite everything she said to Shirou, was beautiful. Sakura's horror at thinking she killed her sister, showing she's not a full monster yet, was tragically heartwarming.

Them bringing the sorceries in with Illya and Rin was nice. I like how we got an epilogue that took place two years after the final battle rather than a few months. There is a lot to like about this route. 

...But there's also a lot I don't like.

Zouken and Assassin are just...okay villains. I don't think they're terrible, but they're not as interesting as any of the other villains in F/SN. 

My main complaint is that this route introduced too much. So many elements are here that aren't even touched on in previous routes. Zouken, true Assassin, the crest worms, the true Holy Grail, Angru Mainyu, these are all elements of the route that I'm just supposed to accept only come into play under these circumstances. Sometimes it feels like they came up with it all after the other two routes were written. None of them are badly written per se, it just feels so out of nowhere that I couldn't fully get into the story here. 

As for what I do think is badly written...I don't like Shirou in this route. He feels more selfish than in the others, often pushing aside others' feelings. The main moment that comes to mind is when Illya goes with Sakura. When Shirou finds her, he slaps her and yells at her, not accepting her feelings of wanting the end of her life to be meaningful. And there is no way to escape her death. The route makes that clear. Shirou also throws away his ideals for Sakura, which I don't like. The route before this one had him stick to his ideals despite being given evidence of the despair it will lead to. Yet here he tosses them aside without that, simply for one person.

Maybe badly written was too harsh. Shirou's fine, I like him more than in the first half of the Fate route, but he just doesn't seem to fit with the other instances of Shirou, and there were often times he frustrated me. Again, I did love his confrontation with Kirei though.

Now for the romance of this route. Shirou/Sakura. I'm sorry, but...I'm not a fan of this one. It's cute, even made me emotional at times. I think these two can have a great relationship. The thing is, I don't like how it happens here specifically. I think these two are way too dependent on each other, to the point that one can't live without the other. Just look at the bad ending where Rin kills Sakura and Shirou gives up entirely, or the normal ending where Sakura wastes away her life after Shirou's death. There's even a physical dependence due to the state of Shirou's body at the end of the route. It's honestly worrying how much they need one another.

I think they can grow past this, and I'm sure they do since the true end is a happy one. I don't hate their ship. It's my least favorite of the three, but I can easily see it being someone's favorite. Hell, I know someone for who it is. The ship isn't awful, just has some issues.

Back to the route as a whole, it is certainly the most ambitious, but I think they got carried away at times. It's certainly more geared toward horror as well, especially with those bad endings. Not that that's a bad thing, even if I'm not often into horror.

Summed up thoughts on the HF route: A spectacular finale to the VN, but it has a few hiccups along the way. There are a lot of great character moments and interesting ideas that make it worth the time. The true ending is beautiful as well. 8/10.

Overall thoughts on F/SN: A great time that I would recommend to anyone who can get it working on their computer. Fantastic characters and cool concepts drive what can be just decent writing at times, and the high points are really high. Definitely worth the lows. 8/10.

Quick add on for my thoughts on the prequel, Fate/Zero: An amazing first half that got me attached to so many characters, but it falls apart in the second half due to Gen Urobuchi's more problematic writing tendencies. Those have been discussed to death, so I won’t go into detail on them here, Still, the show has enough moments that make it worth watching. 6/10.

That's my experience with Fate so far. I'm about halfway through the first arc of FGO, so I'll make a thread summarizing my thoughts on each singularity when the time comes. Also I want to read Fate/Hollow Ataraxia if I can. Overall I can say I’m glad I got into this franchise, and I’m excited to engage in more Fate content.

Anyway, this review took me 80 minutes to write, and another 15 to copy over here. Clearly I’m pretty passionate about this franchise.

[antiquecompass]

Untamed Fall Fest Day Four

Yale was lonely.

Zizhen expected  to be lonely during the first year. That was logical. It made sense. New school. New city. Few friends from Lan Academy. The first time in his life--that he could remember--where he hadn’t spent most of his year in the Berkshires. Of course the first year would leave him feeling lonely and somewhat isolated. He’d adjusted, of course. He’d made friends throughout his freshman year. He’d joined the chess team and a knitting club. He’d attended various sporting events. He’d met with various other young up and coming members of society. He’d dodged all the invitations to the secret fraternities, wanting to be far away from that entire mess as possible while still maintaining a generally pleasant relationship with students who would surely be some of his business partners in the future. He’d established himself here.

And yet he just felt out of place. Still. Always.

The second year almost felt more lonely than the first. Two of his best friends were already engaged, and while he knew Jingyi and Sizhui were a special case, it still felt like everyone around him was figuring things out while he was still struggling, keeping his head just above the water. He missed the days when life felt simpler. When his future wasn’t such a heavy weight on his shoulders.

He had planned to go home for Fall Break, to see his parents and sort his head out. His plans changed, of course, when an invitation to attend an important fundraiser in New York city arrived in Zizhen’s mailbox, in all its gilded ink and heavy card stock glory. Zizhen couldn’t--and wouldn’t--turn it down. His father’s health was holding steady. Neither of his parents needed to go to New York City for the weekend. Zizhen would make the drive down, would stay at the family home in the Upper East Side, and would be the best representative for the Ouyangs he could be. This was his duty. This would be part of his career.

“Going home?”

Zizhen set his suitcase down and shifted the garment bag in his hands as he stood in the hallway of his apartment building. He plastered a smile on his face as he turned to his neighbor, Jay, a fellow sophomore. Jay was nice enough, another pampered son of a wealthy family, but he’d come from California, and they apparently did things differently there--had a different set of priorities. Jay was almost too friendly, overly familiar. Always with a smile and small talk and attempts to appear genuine in humble even as he walked around in thousand dollar outfits. He wasn’t a bad person, not at all, just a little out of touch. He was also the closest thing to a friend in Zizhen’s building, and they both watched out for each other.

“Business dinner,” Zizhen said.

“Still, Autumn in New York,” Jay said. “Can’t be too bad.”

“Yeah,” Zizhen said as he locked his door. “You’re staying here?”

“Not worth it to take the flight back just to turn around,” Jay said. “I’ve got a schedule packed full of gaming.”

“Have fun,” Zizhen said. “Remember to sleep. And eat. And drink. And shower.”

“We’ll see,” Jay joked.

***********

Zizhen was most definitely one of the youngest attendees at this fundraiser. He recognized some of the other guests. Some celebrities, others politicians, and a few he knew as his family’s business associates.

He felt that lonely isolation creeping up on him again. Just now under some glittering lights and surrounded by some truly inane conversations.

“Don’t slouch where they can see you.”

Zizhen nearly dropped his glass of sparkling water in surprise.

“Mr. Jin,” Zizhen said, quickly bowing. “I wasn’t aware you were attending tonight.”

Jin Zixuan looked like a king among a crowd of peasants. There would always be a natural arrogance to him, even if Zizhen knew he was quite kind under that air of superiority. The attitude was its own sort of armor, keeping away the hanger-ons and protecting the real person who existed beyond the reputation. He’d rarely seen this side of Jin Ling’s father--the well-known socialite, the true Peacock King of East Coast Society. He was much more familiar with him in his designer sweatpants, chasing after one of his many children, or in the kitchen baking up masterpieces. Or proudly standing on the sidelines in his ‘Team Jin’ track jacket as he cheered Jin Ling to victory.

“My brother-in-law was supposed to attend, but even the mighty Jiang Cheng falls victim to the occasional cold. So I offered to attend in his place,” Mr. Jin said.

“Madame Jiang made you, didn’t she?” Zizhen asked.

Mr. Jin nodded. “My wife is very convincing, but truly, all she had to do was ask. No, it was another member of my family who insisted to the point of aggravation when we heard you’d also be attending. While I know it’s not good to give into spoilt children, he made a few fair points.”

Zizhen smiled as he perfectly pictured Jin Ling demanding his father attend.

“I am thankful you’re here,” Zizhen said. “You must thank him for me.”

“Thank him yourself,” Mr. Jin said, a smirk on his face, as he glanced somewhere over Zizhen’s shoulder.

Zizhen whipped around to find Jin Ling walking through the crowd. His hair was down, completely loose, and while it should’ve made him look even younger than his soon-to-be seventeen years, it gave him that quiet gravitas the members of his family carried so well.

“You’re too thin,” Jin Ling said as he tugged on Zizhen’s suit. “They’re clearly not feeding you well at Yale.”

“I missed you too,” Zizhen said.

“Obviously,” Jin Ling said. “Who wouldn’t miss me.”

Mr. Jin didn’t bother to hide his amused snort as he watched them.

“And you’ll be staying with us tonight, of course,” Jin Ling said. “You should’ve called one of us the second you accepted the invitation. There’s always someone in the family available. You can’t go to these things by yourself. They’ll devour you.”

“As much as I would like to disagree,” Mr. Jin said, “my son does raise some valid points.” He gripped Zizhen’s shoulder. “Despite what you may think, you’re not alone in any of this. Obviously we can’t and won’t meddle with your family’s business--”

“Unless you ask us to. Uncle Yao probably already is, if we’re being completely transparent here,” Jin Ling said.

“Yes, possibly,” Mr. Jin agreed. “I don’t ask what my brother gets up to in his boredom. Still, we can help you--support you--at these events. Never hesitate to ask, Zizhen. Everyone here, everyone, has a support base. No one needs to or should do this alone. We’re all just a simple call away.”

“Thank you,” Zizhen said. It was all he could say, not willing to show more emotion here. It wasn’t the right time or place. “I didn’t think--just--thank you.”

“Of course,” Mr. Jin said. He smiled at them. “I’ll leave you two for now. I’m sure you have much to catch up on. I’ll see you at dinner.”

“Thank you again, Mr. Jin,” Zizhen said.

“You’re welcome,” Jin Ling answered for him. “Now, what in the hell were you thinking? You’re already pulling that lone wolf bullshit at Yale. It’s New York City. There’s always a reason for one of my uncles to come here. How in the hell do you just not mention it. I had to find out from one of my Jin cousins and that was just embarrassing for all of us.”

Zizhen wanted to laugh as Jin Ling continued on. He couldn’t help but smile at him. He reached out and patted the top of his head.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I will bite your hand off,” Jin Ling threatened.

Zizhen did laugh at that, feeling more content than he had in months. He’d still have to go back to Yale in a few days. Back to the different version of himself that lived there, building up the image he’d uphold for years to come as he grew into his future role. But it was nice to be reminded that he had another family waiting for him--hopefully still waiting for him--even if he knew they had a long way to go before he could truly call them his own.

[sepublic]

Luz’s Online Experience?

           Talking a lot with @sterling-jay over the subject and discussing this; I noticed that Luz can be particularly persuasive and a powerful debater, specifically at the end of The First Day where she mercilessly gives Bump a peace of her mind until he finally concedes her genuine point. Coupled with her mentioning “Jerks online who want to debate” as one of her primary fears, and… I have to wonder if she honed her argumentative, debating skills from having to deal with those kinds of people as a kid, usually in online forums that she’d go to talk about her hyperfixation with other like-minded kids; Especially since the internet tends to be a place of solace for neurodivergent kids who can’t find others like them in their area.

           I’d see Luz as being SO passionate and into her argument as she brings up a bunch of brilliant points, and then she just gets shut down by a cruel remark (like some internet edgelord calling her “nerd”) and it HURTS so much, because Luz invested so much energy and effort, and yet clearly others don’t feel the same, despite apparently inviting her into discussion. Luz really seems like the type of kid who practiced her arguments and speech and really deliberately stewed over them during class and meals, getting distracted as she thought of the perfect rebuttal, usually within the shower; Because for someone like her, she just CAN’T let it go, because her hyperfixation is being trashed and she has to defend this, etc.

           And I think Luz was the kind of kid who easily fell for the kind of taunts and trolling that older people online would do, targeting neurodivergent kids who take things at face-value and are too literal and innocent to realize what’s up. I can imagine Luz getting into flame wars online, because some trolls deliberately aggravate Luz by trashing on her interests and saying dumb things, forcing Luz to go on the defensive as they mercilessly criticize what she likes in order to ruin the fun for her- And eventually Luz realized those people weren’t actually interested in debating her, just making Luz second-guess and doubt herself. So she learned not to bother engaging with those people and just shut them out- Hence why she defeats her fear by recognizing such people as not coming from a place of intellectual honesty, that they aren’t worth her time trying to convince because of this.

           That’s why it’s one of her primary fears, “Jerks online who want to debate”, because there’s always that one person on an internet forum who has to be “Um, actually” and deliberately try to ruin Luz’s fun and disprove her headcanons, all while acting so much smarter than Luz, all condescending and pretentious; Probably defaulting to that “Why are you so EMOTIONAL/triggered” response that’s frustrating and invalidating to Luz. And you know someone with a good heart like hers would NOT stand for that kind of talk on principle; And as the daughter of a nurse, she’d go into a spiel about how triggers are an actual medical term, only for Luz to be accused of “taking things too seriously” or “ruining jokes”.

          This kind of frustrating, constantly-being-egged-on harassment from others online- It could’ve really soured Luz’s experiences, making her feel even more lonely and unsupported… And it could’ve led to Luz explaining that it’s not worth one’s time trying to engage into argument and conflict, which she explains to King at the beginning of Once Upon a Swap- She’s been there, Luz knows how it feels, and she knows that it never ends well and is just playing into the aggressor’s game. And when Boscha bullies and harasses Willow during Wing it like Witches, it strikes a particular nerve with Luz, causing her to challenge Boscha; And for a less drastic example, this kind of unpleasant experience influences Luz to challenge Amity at the Covention, for King’s honor.

           It’s because Luz IS curious and genuinely thoughtful and willing to hear others out in a meaningfully critical sort of way, so she just HATES people who act like that, who come from a position of bad faith and aren’t interested in actually evaluating arguments. So she’s so passionately against the type of ableist trolls who make fun of people for being so invested into their hobbies and interests (because that’s “not a personality”). And it just culminates in Luz being somewhat cautious whenever people approach her online or in real life, because she’s not sure if they’re being genuine or not, if they’ll ever take her seriously, so what’s the point in being able to argue on her and others’ behalf?

          For a while, Luz could’ve been the kind of kid who has a brilliant argument, but it’s just… SO HARD for her emotions to not get riled up, to be made fun of as her voice wavers and her eyes water- Which means getting dismissed as unreasonable, ‘too emotional’, all that sorts of stuff. And so despite setting this situation up, Luz’s bullies manage to make it look like LUZ is the aggressor, that she’s the one throwing the first punch, when they were deliberately trying to emotionally trigger her into doing so. And as @sterling-jay suggested, that just leads to the word “Trigger” becoming an ACTUAL trigger for Luz, because of the way it was cruelly and inaccurately used against her in the past- And sometimes when people use it like that, it can launch Luz into a whole spiel about how that’s super-disrespectful to people with actual disorders and PTSD, only to be mocked for being so ‘emotional’.

           That means Luz having to learn to regulate her emotions, pretending to not actually care, to be more mature… Before she realizes that no, that’s also playing by their game, who cares what those trolls think? So Luz just blocks them out, ignores them, and continues to be who she is unapologetically, blocking anyone who tries to intrude on her fun without remorse. But what happened still happened, so Luz has a bunch of clever debating skills and rhetoric left over from those days when jerks online would drag her into flame wars for their own amusement. But on the Boiling Isles, especially Hexside… Luz might find an actual, genuine debate club in the Bard Track or someplace similar.

          She’d have an environment where people DO debate and argue on good faith, from a place of intellectual honesty- A place where people genuinely, critically think and reflect on their own and others’ takes! So Luz has this powerful, persuasive energy and debating skills that she’s built up over the years, but never had a chance to properly utilize in an environment where it would be taken and evaluated seriously; So like a lot of her passion and interests, curiosity and energy- Luz finds the opportunity to indulge and explore it in the Boiling Isles, channeling that skillset and ability into something good and productive… Like convincing a local principal to provide multi-track learning options for students, and not bend a knee to a corrupt system!

          And Luz’s fiery, righteous rage against injustice can come into play during a revolution against Belos’ dictatorship; Because she knows firsthand what it’s like to be frustrated by people who claim to argue on superior, academic merits, but are only really interested in just shutting you and your ideas down… Because no, Luz KNOWS that her and others’ ideas are worth listening to, and hearing out- And it’s just so validating to see people like Eda actually listen to Luz… To actually change their minds, or else explain their own thought processes in earnest, instead of just shutting the girl down because they said so.

          It’s this ability to really critically question things and evaluate if people are coming from a place of good, intellectual faith, that makes Luz ready to challenge all sorts of things, while mentoring and encouraging those who are in a similar spot to her childhood, but didn’t have any support- Until now. That yes, what you say IS valid, and if people can’t be bothered to explain themselves properly and/or take your argument into account- Then you shouldn’t have to listen to them, and at times; Just remove yourself from the situation entirely! Prioritize your own comfort and health, and don’t bother trying to play by the rules established by others who are trying to drag you down onto ‘their level’. Challenge the system, break its rules, and don’t bother vying for some kind of moral approval from others who don’t actually care about that kind of thing; And always remember, your emotions, your anger and grief, ARE valid…!

          ‘Calmness’ doesn’t necessarily indicate objectivity, it can be apathy operating from the comfortable status quo that is being upheld. And don’t fall for the trap of lowering yourself to their playing field, by assuming both sides have a point, because chances are; Both of you are operating from very disparate positions already. What others say may be coming from such bad faith, that they are not entitled to your ‘respect’, nor an actual platform to validate their terrible ideas. And don’t let yourself be blamed for making things ‘more contentious than they need to be’ when you lash out in self-defense; Because a lot of the times, the status quo that’s being disrupted is unjust and NEEDS to be changed, and it’s the one causing conflict by hurting people in the first place.

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Alex ze Pirate Mini Review 2: Underappreciated and how Sam should deal with an abuser.

Last time I gave a general overview of how Sam is treated by his “friends”. Now I want to give a more specific example, that will also show how Dobson’s storytelling abilities are not really all that good, particularly when it comes to pacing or building up any sort of conflict.

You see, for the most part Alex ze Pirate is just a collection of stupid artwork (not even concept art, just random artwork Dobson makes of his characters dressed as something random) and one page strips with a stupid punchline, with Sam most of the time being the receiving punching bag.

There have however been a few individual, short stories over time. And when I say short stories, I mean short. As in 15 pages for a very cheap set up, a few jokes and a punchline. Those include stories such as All that Glitters (where everyone except Alex breaks into a fortress to steal something), The Wish Fish (the only halfway okay story of them all because it is just meant to be comedic) and Best Laid Plans. However, near the end of the initial run of AzP, Dobson did a three part story (partly) focused on Sam in that format, which started off with the chapter I want to talk in this post: “Underappreciated”.

As you can see, the chapter starts off following some basic rules of storytelling in comics. Two establishing panels for the location at which the story takes place initially and showing what Sam’s duties are. Nothing really bad yet. The only thing that sticks out being just the fact that a) Sam does not have his own bedroom and has to sleep in a useless outlook and b) he sleeps in his regular clothes. But hey, nothing to get upset about initially, perhaps he just prefers it like this at the moment. But with the next two pages…

The problems start to show. Page three establishing that Atea herself is just a cunt who can’t even have the basic decency of wishing her “friend” a good morning or giving him a thank you for bringing a morning beverage as she has other selfish priorities on her mind. Like wanting to lick the shower water of Alex’s skin.

Also, go fuck yourself Uncle Peggy. As in, get both your arms ripped off, shoved up your butthole with those hooks and then get hanged on those stomps like a chandelier. I wouldn’t even mind the fact here that Peggy left a mess, if the face he makes in the last panel was not obvious of the fact he left the bathroom like this on purpose and that he is rather happy of making Sam’s day extra miserable by the fecal matter he left behind. Combined with any previous strip of the comic showing that Peggy for no reason likes to get the boy in trouble and even wants to see him die, this just shows once more of how much of an asshole he is. If the last panel just showed him with a groogy hangover look, obviously unaware of how much discomfort he brings unintentionally to Sam, that would be one thing. But intentionally making Sam’s day miserable despite the obvious fact the boy is the first one to do anything around here, while making one of the worst drawn “HAHA, I am such a rascal faces” I have ever seen (and I have seen shitty anime en mass) makes me hate the character more than Dobson intented.

And then there is page 5…

And it is in my opinion the saddest page in the entire comic arc, even compared to the “heartbreaking” stuff Dobson wants to pull up in the last third of it. Because though it is meant as a joke, the general execution is too cruel, crossing into “dude, not funny” territory and showing just how little the crew cares for Sam. Talus, Sam’s “best friend” not even aware he is around, everyone stealing Sam’s food with that stupid “Yoink” sound (seriously, I wish the characters would get punched in the vaginas each time they make this sound in any of Dobson’s strips) and then leaving Sam behind with smug faces, ready to do whatever they want to do, while he, likely stinking of feces and not even having showered properly, has also to clean up after those pigs, who can’t even eat in a proper manner ( hey Atea, use a fork instead of holding the bowl) and silently. I mean, they are pretty much pigs when the noises they make are loud enough, they make the font of the writing change randomly into whatever Dobson has on his computer with every sound. Not to forget the mess they leave behind. And they call Sam the Slob?

Anyway, on to the next page…

And who the heck left their Hello Kitty toy in the bathtub? Also, I hate the way Alex’s face is drawn in the lower left corner. Something about the eyes in relation to the shit eating grin just looks off. Less “smug” and gleefully awaiting whatever she plans next and looking more like Dobson when someone tells him his opinion and reasoning for it is bad, but he can’t yell back at them because they are part of a minority and so he has make a “good face” to a bad situation, while internally he is already imagining how to strawman them in some fake news worthy facebook post.

And then we get to page 7. Which features the WORST addition to the “Alex ze Pirate” canon Dobson has ever thought up. An embodiment of what is wrong with Dobson when it comes to inserting internet culture related stuff into his own work. Ladies and gentlemen… the lolcat pirates

Yeah, those Hello Kitty rejects who ironically look still more like a proper cat than Spot in Danny and Spot, are essentially one of the worst jokes Dobson has ever created. Because they are a joke without a punchline. See, all there is to them is that they are sentient cats, that speak in a manner associated with lolcat posting. And that is the “joke”. Their speech pattern being based on a dumb internet meme that was popular at the time Dobson drew this page. It is like if you portray an Asian by making them talk with a shitty racist accent and that supposedly counts already as comedy. It is not funny, because there is nothing really done with it in context of the story. Like no one addresses the weird way they talk. Also, with the font Dobson uses, it is just an eyesore to any reader and the text gets aggravating the more the captain of the cats talks. It shows why lolcat pictures only had very short sentences accompanying the pics, cause reading more than 8 words written in this manner tingles a part of your brain that makes you want to shout “English motherfucker, do you speak it”?

Don’t get me even started on how the joke would get lost to anyone unaware of lolcats and how dated the joke already was back when the page was posted, which is one of many reasons why comic artists should just in general avoid memes in their work, if they hope for it to pass the test of time. Instead let me just point out the fact that though Alex said “All hands prepared for casting off” on the previous page (which is also a very unnatural way to give the order “Everyone get ready! Take off in 10 minutes”) not all hands are on board, seeing how Uncle Peggy is missing on this page (and spoilers) many pages of this afterwards. Weird. I thought he would be onboard the moment Alex mentioned they are going to hijack a ship full of pussy. Lastly, this is Alex being a “badass”? Taking over a ship full of little furballs you can defeat with a laserpointer, a squeaky toy and catnip? Sam, this is not just “almost” embarrassingly easy, this is literally on a level similar to stealing candy from a baby. That is mentally handicapped. And without supervision. In a candy story.

At least it turns out there is genuinely something worth stealing on this ship. Otherwise all Alex would have accomplished on that very day would have been animal abuse for the sake of entertainment. Though now it also gets me thinking: A place called Katsville, the revelation that the captain is supposedly the child of a high ranking military feline within the sea force of an entire species of sentient cats… how exactly does the world of Alex ze Pirate function? Look, I do not want to get into too much detail about this point here yet, because it is a bigger issue with the worldbuilding (or rather lack thereof) of this series in general, but what is the “consistency” when it comes to races and species in this world? See, One Piece for example is overall a very “cartoonish” and fantastic world (more cartoonish than what Dobson creates on average) when you think of the fact there are fish men, giant seacows and seamonsters, sentient furry creatures, islands in the sky, sentient weather phenomenons etc next to humans. And while Oda does not really spend time elaborating in very high detail how his world works, the sheer abundance of those elements and how they were established pretty early on in the story and are revisited constanly, with the cartoonish flavor and humor of One Piece on top of it, makes those oddities feel organic and a part of the world.

Not so much in AzP. Here over 90% of the time any character not related to the crew is some generically drawn human, in a very generically human setting with jokes just not cartoonish enough. So the world of AzP feels more “realistic” and less oddish, making then things like Talus, the lolcat pirates and once a giant sea dragon that looked like Elliot’s rejected cousin

Stand out like a sour thumb that looks like this

But I digress. Lets see what makes Sam, who just seems bored and wants to end his miserable life/drink his sorrows away, throw the cat captain against the wall.

Okay. Sam’s overall reaction makes it clear, the locket is important. So “kudos” for establishing this and in doing so also create within a moment a bit of intrigue for the reader. After all, why does this locket get such a reaction out of Sam, who we know so far as more happy go lucky or deadpan in parts, instead of looking genuinely distraught. Heck, the fact he even tells Alex to shut up when she commands him around should highlight how out of character finding this locket truly makes Sam.

Then there is Alex’s reaction to being told to shut up, which she takes with as much dignity as someone telling Dobson to just stop fawning about underaged lesbians in a toddler show.

Jesus Christ, she faces being told she looks like a guy with more grace than that. I mean, isn’t she used to being told to shut her trap? Cause if I were her parents, I would have told this entitled redheaded whinner a few times over the course of her childhood to shut up.

Scum sucking cabin boy… said by a butt ugly whore who would genuinely suck scum off if it means she can finally get laid instead of being mistaken for a man. By the way, with that angry face she makes in the first panel, I can totally see why others would mistake her for a dude. She just looks unpleasant and not in a funny way like that red panda girl from Aggretsuko. See, when she gets angry, it looks hilarious and cute because of the contrast to how the character looks ordinarily. This is just Alex looking even more unpleasant as usual.

Now, before I continue with the next pages, I like to point out the face Sam makes in the upper panel and Sam’s overall body language in the last one.

It is obvious that Sam is meant to be in a state of mind where he knows for what he is getting yelled at and where he genuinely reacts in a hurt manner. His body shaking, his head tilted down, not saying even a word. You would expect that the next page of this comic would be a follow up. Seeing Sam, who is pent up, lashing out in some way. Either for example by justifying why he said it, getting sad, angry, perhaps even violent in that situation. After all, so far the way this story has been structured, a lot of emphasize was put on the fact that Sam is treated not well and that finding this locket actually has an uncommon effect on him. Heck, even the title of this chapter hints on the idea, that we should get some sort of huge reaction out of Sam now on the next page, as this is supposed to be Sam’s story.

Instead it is just Alex grumbling and grinding her teeth, unable to comprehend that someone finally told her something every reader with more than 20 braincells said when reading this comic series. And this in my opinion is from a structural point, one of the biggest missteps in this story. Obviously, this is supposed to be a comic about Sam, based on title and him being the one character in it with the most emotional aspects so far. And it is also obvious that this is not just meant to be a silly gag comic but supposedly one with emotional weight. So, where is that weight so far, aside from the panels showing Sam being miserable because he gets the short end of the stick by his friends? Sorry to hijack this thing here now with my own ideas, but if I had writen this story, page 12 and 13 would have actually been an immense turning point for me in the dynamic so far. Why I would have let Alex shout at Sam for insubordination, I would have made it more than one panel of Alex calling him scum and also end likely with Sam, who obviously reaches a limit the longer she goes on about it, end punching her in the face, perhaps even knock out. Show truly just how far Sam is pushed emotionally at this moment, keeping it however ambiguous if he hit her because of her words hurting or because of something else, in doing so focusing also the attention to the reader back on the locket.

As an aftermath of this, Alex would (if not knocked out) hit Sam back, much to Atea’s and Talus horror, later implying additionally that Sam left because of being hit by whom he thinks is not just his captain but a “friend” (oh yes spoiler, Sam is gone in the next chapter)   or the next page would be of Alex waking up back in her hideout from having been knocked out. Atea and Talus informing her what happened, her deciding to deal with Sam later on after recovering (who accompanied everyone back on the island temporarily) only for the last page showing Sam deciding that he is leaving the island, ending the chapter on Sam in a small boat slowly drifting away from the island. You know, something to give the chapter the feeling that the “shut up” moment is an emotional turning point in this story and that there might be something bigger going on that resulted in Sam deciding to leave, without having him however go full Meg Griffin as in the Family Guy episode “Seashell Seahorse Party”, chewing Alex and the others out for the way they treat him. Cause honestly, as much as I like for Alex, Atea and Talus to be chewed out and face consequences for their actions, doing so would likely just be (like in that Family guy episode)  a pointless fillerbuster in the bigger picture of things, as no real consequences would come out of it.

Well that and just like the writers of Family Guy, Dobson is just equally loathsome and thinks he can write whatever sick joke he wants and can on his characters, basic decency or consistency in writing be damned.

But back to the comic, where things just “end” as shown here instead of any real emotions boiling up and a cliffhanger that may genuinely beg the question what is going to happen next to anyone involved in this thing.

 Cause really, by the time it is night and Sam says it is time to go, you are not surprised he wants to go, even if he did not have a genuine emotional outburst within this chapter. After all, who wants to stay with “friends” like this, with Talus and Atea not even trying to cheer him up and instead ignoring his obvious need for comfort in this uncomfortable way, as if they are a bunch of racists trying to look away as someone beats a black person in front of them into a pulp. The only question you may ask yourself by the time the last page is hit, is who that generic looking girl is, whose picture has been photoshopped into the locket.

 Something we may not find out by the time the next chapter and part of this review hits, but will get to eventually. Until then guys, in order to end on something happier, funnier and just genuinely more pleasant than what this story presented to us so far, have something silly and Super Sentai related here for the sake of childish entertainment.

[wanna-b-poet31]

A (maybe) 4-part meta on Good Omens: Part 1: Aziraphale’s Abuse and Trauma

SOOOOO I promised myself I wouldn’t get too obsessed with Good Omens but I’ve got some meta-thoughts. 

So, it’s no secret that abuse is prevalent in Good Omens, but the methods of abuse are interesting ultimately working as a catalyst for how Crowley and Aziraphale interact with humans, Heaven, Hell, and each other. 

Several of the characters we see in Good Omens are traumatized by the time we meet them, although some more than others. For example, Newt, for what little we see him is clearly ostracized by everyone around him and he shows signs of trauma via isolation. Until the end of the world, it’s heavily implied that he’s bullied, if not dismissed from the rest of the world due to his explosive tendencies with computers. He’s not shown to have healthy coping skills with the isolation, and although it is ultimately good he doesn’t get his job, and works with Shadwell, and meets Anathema, but he’s unable to express himself in a healthy way or handle his past.  Similarly, due to the stress of saving the world, Anathema is traumatized by the expectations of her family, of being a “descendant” of Agnes Nutters.  

But, both begin recovery journeys by beginning to assert their own needs and well-being. Newt begins forming real, relationships and coping with his loneliness by making friends and Anathema defies her family’s obligation by burning the letters. Overall, it’s a straightforward approach to begin recovering from traumatic events. 

However, Crowley and Aziraphale do not have quite as straightforward a narrative. 

Heaven is unbending. It is clear to both of them that God and her representatives punish independence, asking questions, and having any defined version of a “self”. 

Look at the photo below. It’s an environment that (per my last post) is cold, abusive, and really, isn’t a functional space. Nothing can get done reasonably in here. There aren’t any personal touches and it makes the space devoid of any sense of home. AND THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE HEAVEN, land of milk and honey Heaven. It’s not just bland, it’s much more insidious than that. It’s false transparency, a “nothing to see here” mask that the angels use to belittle, attack, and intimidate each other. 

Then there’s the messy business of the dogmatism Heaven follows that affects Aziraphale throughout the series. We see it first in the garden that questions (a la Crowley) lead to abandonment. The fear of falling, of knowingly being discarded by people/entities that supposedly love one another is a violent space to grow up in and incentivizes the remaining angels to keep their head down and not question actions that are clearly wrong. It is Crowley who asks why it would be okay to kill kids (because it’s clearly wrong) to which Aziraphale responds: “I’m not consulted about policy decisions”. It’s clear that 1000 year after the garden he’s internalizing his conditioning. 

His behavior, especially coming from THE angel who gave away his flaming sword without any hesitation and then LIED to God about it, shows that he clearly knows right from wrong is jarring. But, it’s unsurprising, given the abusive place he is attached to. Heaven’s love for him is conditional and wholly dependant on him being able to do as he’s told, not what might be right. 

It’s also clear that Aziraphale is being abused during the events of the series. While not always physically violent (although I’ll get to that in a second), he is continuously belittled and degraded. 

Take a look at Heaven’s least favorite Asshole: Gabriel

When we are introduced to Gabriel the first few things out of his mouth are insults. Although we’ve had Aziraphale for only like 5 seconds and we already can tell how passionate he is about food. Aziraphale is eating sushi, presumably a favorite food given his familiarity with the chef, and taking some time for himself, and like a good family member offers some to his “fellow”, his “ally”, an entity who supposedly had his back. When the food is refused, it’s presented with a dismissive tone and called “gross matter” that would “sully” his body.  This is is a smack in the face to Aziraphale and he quickly lies, saying he’s only eating to keep up appearances. This shutdown of interests and likes pushes Aziraphale to be like Newt, ostracized from people who are supposed to be his friends. Then, like Anathema, his exposure to the “great plan” and what is expected of an angel is villanizes his interests, causing him to feel shame and associate his individuality and sense of the self with “wrong” or “broken”. 

This differs greatly from how Crowley and Aziraphale meet. Although we see Crowley tempt eve, they talk to each other as equals and Crowley does the one thing Heaven has never done -- tell him he’s doing a good job. There is no harm in eating or enjoying eating but he’s being treated like he’s committing some kind of sin. Crowley, in contrast, reaffirms Aziraphale’s actions and helps relieve his concerns. Gabriel, instead, aggravates his anxiety.

Then, we see Gabriel do one of the more insidious discreditings of Aziraphale’s sense of self at the bookstore.  Whereas Crowley is able to tell when there are new books in the shop and knows that losing the shop is a significant loss for Aziraphale, Gabriel can’t be bothered (more on that at the end). At some level, it’s his disdain for humanity that makes him indifferent at best about the bookstore. But, his disregard for Aziraphale’s livelihood, something that is a clear point of pride and joy, is belittling. He is demanding that Aziraphale drop everything he loves to fight the great war, and while asking to fight is not intrinsically abusive (Crowley too asks Azi to join him and fight), the dynamic is not of equals with the same motivations, rather it is clearly meant to be talking down to Aziraphale. Gabriel sees no value in the shop or his “brother” and if he can’t see it there must not be any. The blow to Aziraphale’s emotional state is apparent in the grimace he gives the two angels. 

Even when Aziraphale, (who does his best to uphold what he has been conditioned to be “right” and after many millennia has grown to trust Gabriel despite no reciprocation) DOES go to Heaven with a plan, news about where the anti-christ is and how to stop it, or push him to be neither satan no saint, he’s met with more belittlement. None of the angels at the meeting believe that Aziraphale can accomplish his goals, but worst than that, none of them are willing to give him the support he needs to achieve his goal. Sure they don’t smite him where he stands for purposing an alternative to the end of the world, but that’s not the same as being a support system he can rely on. He can’t even voice here the reasons why he cares so deeply about Earth or why they may be wrong. He is not their equals in their eyes. 

You can also see it at the park when Gabriel and Aziraphale are running, and Gabriel punches his stomach, telling our adorable angel he needs to lose the gut, devaluing Aziraphale’s worth further. Even the face he makes in the gif below is filled with condescension. He’s not taking Aziraphale, or Aziraphale’s concerns seriously. 

Which brings me to the final nail in Heaven’s abusive coffin via Gabriel. The intended violence of his “sentence” is meant to, like the fall, strike the fear of abandonment, disownment, and death into Aziraphale. There is no scenario (except the one we see) where Aziraphale is meant to make it out of Heaven alive. 

After Armaggeddon’t Gabriel, who knows Aziraphale’s intentions of diverting the apocalypse, if perhaps not the rationale, is pleased to belittle the restrained Aziraphale. There is legit joy in his face when they force Aziraphale to walk into the hellfire. 

In the above gif, you can see that not only is he being verbally abusive, throwing ill-intent insults at Aziraphale, but that he fully expects the fire to kill his supposed brother and PLEASED about it.  

LET ME REPEAT THAT. The place/people who Aziraphale is supposed to love, trust, and be loyal to are ready, and happy to, drop him at a moment’s notice. At this point, considering the layers of abuse already outlined, Aziraphale’s insistence that he can’t be on Crowley’s side because Heaven wouldn’t like it is symptomatic of someone who is longing for a genuine, honest connection and has been “raised” to believe that is Heaven, no questions allowed.   

this is not to say Heaven isn’t above physical abuse towards Aziraphale.

I’ve seen some excellent metas floating around dissecting the Crowley vs. Aziraphale  and the Angel’s vs. Aziraphale “intimidation” (although I can’t find them now, please @ them if you know them) and the bottom line is that Aziraphale is terrified by Uriel and her legion of Angels much more than Crowley ever could. Aziraphale is damn well aware of how violent the angels who aren’t even touching him can be vs. his calm response to Crowley pushing him against a wall. 

Which brings me back to Crowley and Aziraphale. Although I can (and will) do another one of these on Crowley, and dive deeper into the implications of their relationship and the closure they need/got by being on their own side. I want to take a second to articulate just how much Crowley does not (try) to do be this way to Aziraphale. 

I maintain that Crowley, is aware of Heaven’s abusive tendencies due to his fall and the subsequent fear that must have caused other angels, I do not think he’s aware of the levels of mental, verbal, and emotional abuse that heaven throws Aziraphale specifically. The way Aziraphale talks up heaven, you’d suspect he was getting awards left and right, or at least some semblance of respect. But no. In stark contrast to Gabriel, Crowley will entertain Aziraphale’s interests/passions like food and books even if they aren’t something he indulges in often himself. Whereas I said earlier Gabriel dismissed the bookshop and presupposed it was something Aziraphale would be able to drop like a rock, Crowley KNOWS that Aziraphale cares so deeply for his books, his food, and his identity as an angel, that losing any of them would be unbearable. Although Crowley pushes and sometimes goes too fast for Aziraphale, he’s not approaching Aziraphale in bad faith. 

Of the 10 observed historical meetings, we see Crowley initiate at least 6 of them (it could be said the Victorian meeting is also Crowley’s doing, but the jury is out about who called that particular meeting as Aziraphale walks toward Crowley first in that scene). We also see Crowley go out of his way to do things that make the Angel comfortable and does not once break his trust. Although he storms out 3 times in the show, he always uses it as breathing room, before once again seeking Aziraphale out, and doing his best to work on their relationship AS EQUALS. Their dynamic (Which I’ll go into more later) is not on uneven footing, and both parties treat the other with a kindness neither of them is offered by their respective worlds.  

TLDR: Crowley’s love for Aziraphale helps heal him from the abuses of Heaven

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