#it was even longer than this but i forced myself to delete parts to make it shorter

[freedomfireflies]

iFall For Harry

Part Two to this request!

Summary: Turns out, the stranger in your phone is kind of funny...

...and kind of sexy, too.

Oh, my god. 

Harry, did you hear the news?

It takes exactly three and a half minutes for those familiar little bubbles to pop up.

Well hello to you, too. 

No, what happened?

You struggle to contain a rather giddy grin as you begin to type, A cheese factory exploded in France!

Wait, really? Shit, what happened?

I don’t know. But all that was left was…de brie.

Exactly sixty seconds pass before he begins to type.

Fuck.

I think I just snorted. 

That was…goddammit that was good.

You don’t even know what he looks like, but you chuckle at the idea of him laughing so hard he can’t help but snort.

Thank you, thank you. 

Took me two weeks to come up with that.

I’m impressed. 

Little offended, too.

Oh? Your heart sinks.

Yeah. 

Kept me on the edge of my seat for two fucking weeks wondering if I’d hear from you again.

Shit. 

You smirk to yourself as you flop down onto your sofa and think through a response.

Hey, it takes two to tango, pal. You could have texted me, too.

The bubbles make your heart pound.

Alright, that’s fair. 

In my defense, I didn’t have any more cheese puns.

Oh, is that all this is, then? 

You just use me for dad jokes?

Psh, nooooooo…

Then, another text.

Although, the jokes do make my days…cheddar.

 You laugh a little louder, suddenly very aware of the flush in your face over some stranger in your phone. 

No, wait. How do I erase a text?

I hated that. 

Seriously, how do I make it go away? 

My failure is staring me in the face, and I hate it.

You giggle under your breath.

Easy, Grandpa. 

Relax, just press down until the options pop up.

The conversation goes quiet for a brief moment before you watch his previous text vanish from the screen with a dramatic, poof!

Then, he begins typing again.

Hold on… 

Did you just call me Grandpa?

…psh, noooooooo

Oh, so that’s how it is?

That’s how it is.

Wow, and we had such a nice thing going, too.

To be fair, you never told me your age, and you don’t even know how to delete a text. 

What am I supposed to think?

First of all: rude. 

Respect your elders.

Second of all: this deleting shit is NEW, okay, and I just updated my phone, like…a week ago, so I never learned. 

Uh-huh. 

No, yeah, whatever you say, Grandps.

He responds with the emoji that’s rolling its eyes.

You smirk.

For your information, I’m 29.

Okay, which is a cool, hip, fun, and very fresh age.

Yes, I believe that’s the slogan for the retirement home, too. 

“We’re cool, we’re slick, and we might break a hip.”

There’s a longer pause between your text and his response. You hope it’s because he’s laughing. It’s not your best work, but you think it’s funny.

And then, you get the notification.

Dammit, that place sounds so much cooler than the retirement home I’m in now. 

Send me the address? I’ll wheel myself over.

You got it, Old Man. Will you need any help crossing the street?

How thoughtful of you. Yeah, that’d be great, and then you can finally earn your Girl Scout badge.

Oh, my God. How did you know it was the last one I needed?

Cause I’m old. And therefore wise.

Oh, right, right. No, that checks out.

Yeah. 

You lean back, forcing your eyes away from your phone to finally get a moment of reprieve from the excessive smiling. Why is this so fun?

I guess 29 isn’t so bad. Just…three years older than me.

Ah, another piece to the Cheese Girl puzzle. 

You’re 26.

Indeed.

26 was fun. 

I liked 26.

Yeah, it’s not too bad so far.

Just wait until your bones start to creak whenever you get out of bed.

I’ll keep a can of oil on my nightstand.

You grimace to yourself. Your worst joke to date, and you just hope you haven’t blown it.

Probably smart. 

My preferred method is lube, but…

Whatever works.

Your eyes widen.

Oh?

Yeah.

 My bones might creak but at least I can still fuck.

Well…shit.

You readjust your position on the sofa, desperately working to find a cool and relaxed and equally mysterious reply.

…so, no pressure.

Just be careful with all that lube. 

Wouldn’t want you to slip and fall.

Hope you’ve got Life Alert on speed dial.

Oh, I absolutely do. They love me over there.

You smirk to yourself, fighting yet another laugh. 

Yeah? Thank God.

Boy, I bet you’re a real stud with the ladies, huh?

Damn fucking right. 

This grandpa has moves.

I bet. Yeah, women love a man that squeaks when he thrusts.

They do, actually. I happen to squeak quite sensually.

Is that right?

It is.

Damn.

Might need to hear that for myself someday.

It was bold. Perhaps a little daring, and you don’t give yourself a chance to overthink it before turning your phone off and tossing it onto the other side of the sofa.

You give it five minutes before checking to see if he’s replied.

Thankfully, you have two notifications, delivered 3 minutes ago.

Yeah?

So what’s stopping you?

What is stopping you?

Probably a number of things, but instead of pointing out that he’s a complete stranger and could very well be a catfish (or even worse…that he might not even find you attractive) you decide to go with another joke.

All these Girl Scout cookies I gotta sell :/

Shit.

Yeah.

What if I bought a hundred boxes?

Then you’d have to hand deliver them to my door, right?

Your eyes roll playfully as you sigh.

That IS the Girl Scout policy, yes.

We pride ourselves on good service.

Fantastic, then I’ll take 100 boxes in the flavor of you.

Your lashes flutter as you reread the text, over, and over, and over. But before you can spiral…he’s sending another.

…shit, that was meant to be smooth.

Get it, cause…like, you know, get a taste of YOU. Like…if you were a cookie. 

Cause…I wanna taste you…

Explaining it makes it worse, doesn’t it?

 It should make it worse, but for some reason…he’s funny? And charming? And making your thighs squeeze together—

I think that can be arranged, yeah.

I’ll package them up nice and pretty, just for you.

Equally as cheesy, but apparently…cheese is where you both shine.

You hope he’s at least somewhat amused, and when he finally responds, your stomach flips.

This conversation is bad for my health.

Yeah?

Why’s that?

Because I’m in a meeting and I’m about to have a heart attack.

…why are you about to have a heart attack?

Oh, right. I forgot that happens at your old age.

Ha.

Funny.

Good thing you have Life Alert on speed dial.

Yeah, I don’t think Life Alert is gonna be able to help.

No? Why not?

Cause only one thing can save me now.

Cookies.

Your cookies.

To be exact.

See? Cheesy.

Wow, I was almost turned on and then…

Nope, there it goes.

Oh, is that what we’re doing? We’re trying to turn each other on?

Well, why didn’t you SAY so?

Hold on, I’ve got a few good ones.

Oh god.

Alright, here we go.

So…

What are you wearing?

…really? That’s all you’ve got?

Work with me please.

My gosh.

Clothes.

I have clothes on.

Yeah?

That’s a shame.

Two minutes go by without him adding anything else, and you can’t help but laugh when you realize that’s all he’s got.

Wowwwwww…

No, that was so good. I’m…holy shit, you just took my breath away. I’m so turned on right now.

I mean, my panties just FLEW across the room!

You’re THAT good!

Okay, very funny. 

I wasn’t done.

No, really. You gotta warn a girl before you just completely rock her world like that.

Honestly, I feel a little faint.

Where did you learn such a masterful technique? Really, you should teach a class on sexting, cause that was just…phew.

Listen, I was just trying to take it easy on you.

You know, ease you into my seduction before I gave it to you good and hard.

The last bit of his sentence has you stumbling over a gasp, but you simply clear your throat and work to find a response.

You have two options:

Either you tease him a bit more…

…or you ramp up the tension.

Well, by all means, Harry…

Give it to me good.

And hard.

He doesn’t respond for quite some time to this. And while you’d like to tell yourself that it’s because he’s just so turned on by your response…

…it’s more likely that you definitely fucked up and he wants nothing more to do with you.

But then…your phone dings.

Is that what you want then, hm?

Want it rough?

Shit, shit, shit.

Yeah.

If you think you can keep up.

Trust me, sweetheart, that won’t be a problem.

If you want it rough, I’m more than happy to oblige.

Is that why you texted me today?

Needed my help?

Truth be told, you don’t know why you texted him today, but you certainly aren’t upset with how things are going.

Me? Needing YOUR help?

Cute, but I think my fingers and I can manage just fine.

His response comes so fast, your head spins:

…fuck.

You smile.

Shit, okay now this conversation is REALLY bad for my health.

I might keel over right here in this meeting.

My death is on your hands, Cheese Girl.

Worth it.

You watch the bubbles float onto your screen for a good thirty seconds before they disappear.

Then, they appear again…just to dissipate before you can get your hopes up.

Finally—finally…a text.

Okay, listen, you don’t know me.

And I don’t know you.

I get that.

I’m a stranger, you’re a stranger.

But…

And hear me out…

What would you say to a phone call?

Your pulse stutters as you stare at his proposition, but he’s already sending his next text before you can decide if you’re really that stupid or not.

I know that’s asking a lot, but…

If you promise that you aren’t a 90-year-old man, and I promise I’m not some kid playing video games in his mom’s basement…

We could at least…have a real conversation.

And make sure that we really are who we say we are, you know?

And I could be assured that I didn’t just get a fucking boner in the middle of a busy boardroom cause of some perverted, internet creep that makes cheese jokes.

You hesitate.

Despite yourself, you are intrigued by the idea.

Worst-case scenario if he is some loser…you can just hang up and block his number.

And if he’s not…and he’s half as hot as you’re starting to hope he is…

You swallow.

Thickly.

I am not some perverted, internet creep that makes cheese jokes.

I’m just a regular creep that makes cheese jokes.

Promise.

And…yeah. 

I would be okay with a phone call.

As long as you do in fact promise I won’t regret it and that it won’t result in nightmares that haunt me for the rest of my life.

Ah, well…

Can’t say much for the regret…

But I do promise that I will try very hard not to give you nightmares.

God, are you really doing this?

Are you really doing this?

Alright, then…

Oh, so you’re doing it. You’re really that dumb. You really just let a complete stranger convince you to call him, even though he could be a serial killer, or a psycho, or—

Your phone rings.

You see his name pop up in large print as the cellphone just about flies out of your hand.

Scrambling to keep it steady, you lurch forward and collect a deep breath.

You can do this.

You can do this.

You’ll give him thirty seconds. And if he seems creepy…you’ll hang up, and you’ll move on.

And you’ll never get random boys in bars numbers again.

You press your thumb into the button on your screen and slide it to the right.

Here goes nothing.

“…hello?”

~ iFall for Harry pt. 3 (the third part to this!)

~ Full iFall for Harry Masterlist

~ More Harry Blurbs

~ Full Masterlist

Tag List:

@tinyhrry @supersanelyromantic @lomlhstyles

[pro-memoriia]

A sweet Swiss/Dew one maybe? 👉👈

Errrr okay okay okay okay okay

I'm preparing myself guys 🙏🏻

A/N: THIS IS BAD HELP I'M SORRY. I MIGHT WRITE SOMETHING ELSE TO REPLACE THIS BUT I DON'T WANNA DELETE THIS CUZ I SPENT TIME ON IT...

CW: Suggestive moments but no actual NSFW, Dew and Swiss kind of have a love/hate relationship and it's lowkey corny, takes place between Meliora and Prequelle

"You're trying too hard, baby," Swiss' voice cut through the silence of Dew's room.

Dewdrop nearly jumped out of skin, his tail spiking and hairs standing up on the back of his neck. He growled and turned away from the candle he'd been attempting to light.

"Jesus Christ," the interrupted ghoul spat. "You're really fucking freaky, new guy."

Swiss laughed. "Why?"

"Sneaking into my room without permission?"

"Your door was cracked open," Swiss said.

"Still! Creepy! Anyways, fuck do you want..."

Swiss sighed and flopped backwards onto the bed.

"I wanna help," he groaned. "I'm bored."

"Maybe you should practice," Dew quipped. "We start tour in a few months."

Swiss blew a raspberry with a lack of amusement. "Boring."

Dewdrop shook his head. The fire ghoul was hot headed (no pun intended) and wasn't exactly pleased with his new pack mate's presence.

It had only been a few weeks since Terzo's era as Papa was over and Dew had been passed on to the Cardinal. Along with the transition in authority figures, he'd also been forced to undergo an elemental transition. It had been painful and grueling and an overall awful experience. Now, the painful part was over, but he still didn't know how to be a fire ghoul.

"How the hell would you be able to help me?"

Swiss' ears perked up. "I'm a multi ghoul! I'm special. I got experience in alllll the areas, even fire. And a little birdie told me you went through an elemental switch not too long ago..."

Swiss was awful in Dew's eyes. Sort of... He was cocky and flamboyant. Dew found it infuriating, and although he'd never admit it out loud, he sort of found it charming as well.

"I don't really wanna do this anymore anyways," Dew huffed. He rolled his shoulders and stretched. "Shit's getting boring. And I'm pissed."

"It's 'cause you're stressing yourself out. I can help you with a few things. But I guess now I realize that the first thing you need help with is getting some damn relaxation."

Dew glared at the multi. "Fuck's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like, duh."

Dew growled a little. Swiss got up and walked to Dew, standing in front of the criss cross ghoul.

Dewdrop's face was level with Swiss' crotch now, and he stared at it with both anger and a little bit of hunger.

"Ahhh, not that. Not right now, at least," Swiss said to him through a laugh. He yanked the fire ghoul up by his armpits and set him down so his feet were on the floor.

"Aww, someone needs a hug," Swiss taunted in a pouty voice.

"Fuck off! You don't even know me. I've been here way longer than you and we've barely talked-"

"We can change that, y'know."

"Quit interrupting me! I'm not-"

Swiss laughed. "This is fun."

Dewdrop growled at Swiss.

"You're awfully small," Swiss said with a smirk after a few seconds of silence.

"Just shut up and kiss me, dammit!"

Swiss leaned in and locked his lips with the short ghoul. Dew's hands wrapped around the multi's horns to hold him in place.

"You are such an asshole," he mumbled against his lips. "I hate you so much."

Swiss pulled back with a chuckle and kissed a line from his lips to his ear before whispering. "I thought you said we didn't know each other..."

"Whatever."

"Jump."

Dew obeyed and jumped, his legs wrapping around Swiss' waist.

"You're so cute," Swiss praised as he backed up. When his knees hit the bed, he sat down and scooted back with Dew still on top. "Told you all you need was some relaxation."

"We're not fucking?" Dew questioned.

"I told you, not now," Swiss giggled. "We can cuddle and make out though."

Dew hesitated. "Yeah, okay, I guess that's enough."

He kissed down Swiss' face and jaw and nuzzled against his neck, causing Swiss to purr.

"Purring? Already? Damn, you're easy."

Swiss just hummed and pulled his face back to his.

"How about we get to know each other, mm?"

"Under the sheets with our tails tangled, sure."

Swiss used his leg to pull up the blanket at the foot of the bed. He yanked it up and over the two of them, but kept their lips locked in the process.

As soon as they were under the warm cover, Swiss purred. He broke the kiss to momentarily cuddle his face against Dew's shoulder. He rolled them both a little so they were on their sides. Dew's leg was pulled over Swiss' hip and his hands were grabbing his cheek and the back of his head.

"Can't believe we're doing this much already," Swiss joked. "We haven't even gone out to dinner first."

"Hahaha," Dew replied sarcastically. "You're such a fucking menace and it makes you annoyingly attractive."

"I know. You feeling less stressed yet?"

"I fucking love you," Dew spat, pulling him into another kiss.

He internally cursed himself for losing to his attraction, but Swiss was sweet and made it all worth it.

So when he was snoring in Swiss' arms a little while later, his new packmate knew it wouldn't take much to get close.

[141goblin]

Soft: Chapter Four.

—> Chapter three

CW: Slightly suggestive. Hangover.

A/N: I posted the wrong chapter by accident🤦🏼‍♀️my bad. This chapter is a little short but I promise, it’ll get juicy soon :3

I wake up the next morning to find Amelia already gone and a little note laying on my bedside table, scrawled in her writing.

“Early shift at work, gotta go. Love you x”

The second I make any attempt to sit up out of bed, my head begins pounding, a cruel reminder of the sheer amount of alcohol I consumed last night. Yet another stupid decision that’ll make me waste another day lazing around and not doing anything productive. I somehow manage to stumble out of bed and into my bathroom. Because i’m an idiot, I slept in my makeup, breaking one of the most important rules I ever set for myself; never ever sleep in makeup. Crumbs of mascara descend down my dehydrated cheeks, lipstick clinging to the dry parts of my lips.

I wash away the remnants, praying that a bit of cold water and soap will help me to feel a bit more like a human being, rather than a zombie. It does, but not by much. The next thing on my list is to eat something, a proper meal, rather than just bits and pieces of random things laying around my cupboards. I usually opt for what known as ‘girl dinner’, a random assortment of little snacks. My go-to has been pickles with some tortilla chips, and apple slices with peanut butter. Instead of my usual ‘girl dinner’, I make myself a small bowl of pasta with some leftover sauce I have. Carbs will soak up the alcohol, I think.

Once I have something substantial in my stomach, the hangover is slowly starting to fade. It’s still there, but it’s gone from unbearable to just unpleasant. My head still hurts, but the spinning has subsided, luckily. I open my curtains and the windows, letting in some air to rid the smell of wine and takeaway food from my flat. It doesn’t take me long to clear up, putting the empty bottles and packages into the bin and the dirty clothes into the laundry. Now, my flat actually looks somewhat homely, rather than a biohazard. Look at me go, I think.

It’s well into the day, almost 3pm when I decide to reward myself with some well-earned phone time of scrolling on the same three apps for longer than i’d like to. I get into position on the couch, legs sprawled out and open tik-tok, scrolling endlessly on silly videos of cats that warm my heart and stupid memes. I make a mental note to look into getting a cat after I’ve learned to take care of myself. Id love a cat right now, but the poor thing wouldn’t last long. I can’t even look after myself most of the time, let alone another living thing.

The ‘ding’ of the washing machine interrupts my phone time and forces me to get my arse up and finish my chores. I drag the wet clothes out and carry them over to the dryer, turning it on and letting it run. After that, I scoop up the warm, dry clothes off the floor and carry them into my bedroom to fold and put away, like the responsible, functioning adult i’m pretending to be. I’m stopped in my tracks when I plop down on my bed and see a suit jacket hanging up on the drawer of my dresser.

Price’s jacket. Shit, his text.

The laundry gets completely forgotten and I pull up his message from last night.

Unknown: Lovely seeing you tonight, dove. Think you still have my jacket. -JP

My brain begins spinning again as I try to formulate some sort of answer that will make me seem like a normal human being. It takes me a good few minutes of typing and then deleting, but I get there in the end.

Me: I apologise for my rant, I was a bit of a mess. Let me know when you’re free and we can arrange getting your jacket back to you. P.s. the party wasn’t that bad.

I hit send on the message and eagerly await his response, like a teenager with a crush. Fucking stupid, I think. The first time a man has shown me attention in a few weeks and here I am, waiting with baited breath for him to-

Unknown: I told you, dove, no apologies. There’s fire in you, I like that. And as for the jacket, there’s no rush. Hope your head isn’t too sore today. -JP

I giggle like a schoolgirl as soon as I read his text. My brain is screaming because the handsome man with the broad shoulders is texting me, but I take a deep breath to calm the giddiness. He hasn’t exactly left it open-ended so I decide not to reply and wait for him to text next, not wanting to get too ahead of myself, only to be let down because I jumped to conclusions.

I finish the rest of my chores, his texts pinging in my brain. I start to imagine what it’d sound like in his voice as i’m doing the dishes from tonight’s dinner. I imagine his deep, rumbly voice, the voice that makes my fucking bones tingle and brain shake in my skull. I imagine pressing my face against his neck as he talks, feeling the vibrations against my lips. I imagine his voice calling me that stupid nickname, ‘Dove’. I’ve never been called that before, by anyone else, but it’s fast becoming my favourite nickname. It’s better than ‘hot tits’, anyway, the name my ex-boyfriend used to call me when he’d try to be smooth. When I think about it, my ex is nothing compared to Price. Sure, he’s tall and conventionally attractive, but he doesn’t have the same attitude he does. He doesn’t exude masculinity and confidence the way he does.

For fuck sake, I’ve only met the man once and here I am fantasising about him while I pretend to watch yet another rerun of gilmore girls, my attention on him rather than the screen.

I know i’m getting ahead of myself, getting too excited, but I can’t bring myself to care. For the first time in a long time, I let myself indulge in the thoughts and fantasies about the handsome man i’ve only met once. The thoughts continue well into the night, from when I curl up on the couch, to when I settle into bed, hand between my thighs and mind full of his voice. My sticky skin shines with sweat and my moans echo off the walls of my bedroom. I’d normally worry about being heard by the neighbours, but my mind is too full of Price to give a shit.

tags: @izziyuwh @a66-1 @jenniferpendragon @girl-of-multi-fandoms

[thekingofwinterblog]

There is one detail were I think I need a second opinion on:

So during the manga ending, there is that detail of supposedly Lord Death, with his "madness of order" being able to control everyone on earth - basically being able to solve all crime/evil things from happening.

The fact that he doesnt use this power is presented as a positive thing, basically an indirect way of answering the problem of evil with "actually God gives us free will and thats why evil happens, because denying us the free will would be more evil than anything else"

So ok, what is the sticking point to me? Well Lord Death was kinda hinted as being deeply flawed, and even his death at the end is framed as tragic but as the time necessary and a positive thing, a new generiation taking over creating a better wolrd, ect.

But isn't including such a huge revelation - a revelation that only makes sense with an All Good, kinda absolute God?

Basically, maybe I'm just looking for nitpicks, but to me these two things clash - like the story and Ohkubo couldnt decide between if Lord Death was holding the world back and needed to pass the torch or if he actually was the wacky all knowing force for good all along -

Like if instead it was revealed that Lord Death was pressured to make Kid be an automaton to avoid an Asura situation, but he refused because he didnt sucumb to the despair of failure and had hope in humanity and freedom, it could work as "wow Lord Death had past sins and couldnt steer the world into the future, but here is an action that proved that the flame of his vision was still good and know Kid will be his resurection, like that old NAS song"

Idk, maybe this is all just nonsense to normal people but to me its the best example of Soul Eaters (more the mangas) unwillingness to commit to the "Death is not all good thing" - like the whole WMD's parrelel and shit seems even more out of place and ironically as a way to say "well Bush made mistakes, but American imperialism is a good thing overall!"

(Ok i probably shouldnt have included "politics" here lol)

Anyway I think the anime in the end was better with its more simplistic worldview - cause atleat it didnt break itself - the shadyness of Death was worked into Kids isuess of trust and accepting that he isnt perfect and can place his trust in his partners and is more simmilar to his father in this way etc.

So yeah, if you are still reading and didnt delete it out of boredom, Im interested in a response, cause I'll admit I'm not sure about it 100 percent myself so if you go and say "Nah, thats wrong cause-" I'll probably open to listening

Eh, i'd say that you're looking at this from a wrong perspective.

Shinigami was a good, if very flawed individual, but the thing is that the reason why he could not lead the new age was not because be was flawed... It was because in chasing perfection, he made an error so great that he could never recover from it.

That error being the way he created his first son, not to create a successor, but instead as a byproduct of ripping his fear out of his own self in order to become a "better" God of order, a desciaion that had enormous consequences in that it laid the groundwork for the first Kishin, but also because it left him utterly incapable of feeling fear, and thus incapable of feeling bravery either, and drastically affecting his descision making.

As such, he was incapable of decisively defeating his son, and had to resort to sealing him away, something that also required him to stay in one place forever afterwards.

The school that he founded afterwards to replace his team of immensely powerfull warriors that Asura and Excalibur was a part of, came as a consequence of his own failures shattering that group, and with him no longer being able to move around, he couldn't even uphold his actual purpose in the world.

And thats withouth taking into account how much getting ridd of his own fear screwed him up as a person. Through the series, shinigami is utterly incapable of showing real, true fear, no matter how dire things get. All of his angry moments happens in the moment, as things are happening around him.

He was incapable of truly feeling any sense of urgency when Asura was about to escape, and only after he is free is he able to confront the very real consequences on an emotional level.

Similarily at the end of the series he isnt actually afraid of the witches betraying them despite thinking this is the likely outcome, but when he thinks they do, he flies off the handle to reveal just how much hate he truly has for them.

Hia philosophy debate with his son near the end of the anime is all about exploring how these two family members are unable to feel fear and by extention understand bravery.

Ultimately what Shinigami came to realise and finally accept, is that as a consequence of chasing utter perfection, he ironically made himself too fundamentally broken to lead the way, both as a person, and as a king/god who should be leading his organization by example, rather than being trapped in his city.

Fundamentally Shinigami was a good person... But by his own actions, while chasing perfection he crossed a line that he was never able to uncross. Very much like his son, he believed that if he was the strongest, withouth "flaws", he would be able to see his vision through. Only where Asura wanted to feel completely out of any possible danger, Shinigami wanted keep the word orderly and safe for the good people of the planet.

A good goal. But as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

[narancias-headband]

A big announcement...

Hi everyone! Very long time, no see.

I've gone through and cleaned things up around here a good bit, deleting old posts and fixing up my masterlist again. You might have seen some posts as I fix things up around here.

But the short and sweet version of this post is...

I'm coming back to this blog!!

It's going to be a decent bit different than before, but I do want to write and share my thoughts with you all again. :)

An important note! I will no longer taking 'requests', but I'd love some inspiration from everyone! I'm not going to hold myself to write anything that doesn't seem right for me. Feel free to send in requests/ideas for inspiration, and please do not be offended if I never get to them! I promise, I'm not judging! Some brief rules on what to ask for are here in my pinned post (they're mostly the same as before haha).

A very LONG rambling update under the cut for anyone wondering what in the world I've been up to.

So... A lot has changed in the past few years here... It's been like a year since y'all have heard from me... Mainly, my hyperfixation on JoJo's went away for a while. So that's my brain's fault haha. I've done this a few times with a few blogs, so I guess I was expecting to drop it sooner or later. What I didn't expect was how much I miss this blog (believe me, I have no regrets on my old blog deaths).

I've been watching JoJo's with a dear friend of mine lately, and the need to write has been stirring again. And then we hit Part 5... My brain was shifted back into fanfic mode instantly. I saw Formaggio and remembered my dear husband. I went and read through so much of my old stuff and remembered how much fun I used to have writing. I'm already working on a few new things, and a few old things, but I'm in no rush.

Which relates to some of the changes I'm hoping to make here. In all honesty, I did a lot here for the attention of people and the approval of the fandom. And that is not sustainable! No wonder I had writing burnout so much... I'm not planning to take as many requests anymore, and I will be much more focused on creating things that make me happy than anything else. Hopefully others enjoy it anyway :)

So... What have I been up to? My life has been taking lots of unexpected twists and turns. My, not entirely intentional, unemployment has opened up some free time to get back to things I enjoy. And I will never let a job take over my life like that again. Good news is, I'm working on my mental health and I finally feel creative again! I want to write and draw and think and I actually have the energy for it!

I've been very lost in the awful job market lately, and being at home alone all day isn't the most thrilling, but even just the minor things I've been doing behind the scenes on this blog have made me feel great. It's a bit more fulfilling than just playing Fortnite all day 😅

And me? I've grown up a lot lately. Working through mental issues, focusing on myself and my happiness, making changes for the better. Which is the main reason I really want to come back! This blog made me so happy and that's my main goal lately. I'm back into JJBA hardcore, I've become a Fortnite kid, and my love of Pokémon has come back in full force. And I have a new pretty gaming PC to sit and write at and the more I use it the more it's worth the $1500 I spent on it.

Oh, and one last thing... For better or worse, I've pretty much ended up a functional stoner. 😅 Probably expect more headcanons about getting high with diff characters that will be way better than the goofy ones I wrote way back when.

[nhasablogg]

My goals for this blog in 2024

'Tis the season of overanalyzing everything about your life! So naturally I've been thinking a lot about the different spaces I occupy, such as this one, and decided I need to be a bit more intentional with how I spend my time online and offline. I'm trying not to overdo it though. Sometimes you also just have to exist.

Be transparent when I want attention. This makes it sound as if we're in a relationship LMAO, but honestly, a lot of the time I will pop in here with a random post, or a request for prompts, and it will be more a cry for attention than the actual need for prompts (although not always). Prompt + filling of prompt = validation and love and attention. But usually that won't be enough because I'm not always in the mood to write, or I'll write something short and not very good, and then I won't get the attention I was craving and I will get sad. Also not every fic will be a hit anyway. It's a fickle thing to base my emotions around. SO. Solution for this is to just tell you when I want attention, because that way I won't feel annoying and bad about myself afterward. Obviously this might not result in attention whatsoever, and also why is it your job to give it to me anyway, but that way I won't feel as desperate as much as I will at the very least feel authentic about my neediness. I am human. Sometimes I need things and have no idea who to turn to. I often turn to social media. It happens. I just want to be more honest about it next year. Maybe as a sort of therapy.

Kind of related. I want to be a bit more intentional with the fics I post. I've gotten better at leaving fics be if they're not working, rather than trying to finish every single project, but I want to let them take their time and not post fics just to post them if I'm not happy with them. That doesn't mean I can't post shorter, sillier fics I had fun working on even if they're not masterpieces. My enjoyment is just as important as the final product.

I'd also like to write more long, intricate fics, kind of like my Criminal Minds case fics. It's fun to challenge myself, as longer fanfic writing isn't my forte.

Figure out if I want prompts to mostly be open or not. I keep opening and closing them, mostly because I sometimes get in the opposite mood of wanting attention and get overwhelmed and don't want people to "demand" things from me (I know they're not demands, but you know how your brain sometimes gets). But I feel like the best prompts are the ones people will send really randomly because they suddenly got an idea. But maybe, if I stop making those "send me prompts!!!" type of posts I won't get overwhelmed by the amount of them. Does anyone have any input on this?

Stop thinking I need to do certain things to be a part of the community. I keep thinking that I should maybe interact with other people's fics more, or try to be a part of the community in ways I used to when I was younger, but the truth is that I'm not a fanfiction reader at this stage of my life, and rather than lamenting that I need to just accept it. Maybe that makes me a hypocrit, but I don't believe in forcing things like that. Maybe once I stop pressuring myself it will come naturally instead, but if not I need to just be okay with the fact that I'm mostly here for my own fics. Maybe that's selfish, but it's the truth. I have enough problems in my real life to create new ones for myself here.

Stop trying to restore the old blog. It's gone. I was the one to delete it, and with that a lot of followers who never returned, and everything I did on there. It's fun getting to give advice, but people don't turn to me for them like they did back in the day and that's okay. I'm not who I was back then. I don't have the same amount of time. Instead of trying to bring back traces of the old blog I just want to focus on what I want to do with this one, in the moment and in the future. This community has changed anyway. It's time I accept that. (this does not include my Throwback Project, which I will be doing as a way to honor the past rather than try to bring it back)

Do you have any goals? Did any of this make sense? Am I overanalyzing things TOO much? Let me know your thoughts if you have any!

[viviennevermillion]

Comforting him after a nightmare

notes: reposting bc I’m deleting my archived sideblogs. i no longer write fem!reader

contains: azul ashengrotto x fem!reader

warnings: mentions and descriptions of bullying, trauma

Azul hated the fact that even after all this time, years after he had left that past behind, he still had occasional nightmares about the bullying in his childhood. After all, it’s been so long. He should be over it right? But they still throw him off and make him uncomfortable whenever they happen.

As he said after his overblot, he still remembers everything, the faces of those who had wronged him, the things they said to him, their grins when they made fun of him. It still sent a shiver down his spine whenever he thought of it.

Azul barely ever shows how much his past still affects him but there are days when it’s really bad. So whenever he wakes up from one of his nightmares, not only was he feeling restless and sad, but he knew it would most likely trigger another stressful workday full of toxic thoughts he had to push down constantly. Another day of getting spiteful whenever he encountered someone who didn’t have to go through pain like he did. Another day of that uncomfortable paranoia and anxiety nipping at the back of his mind whenever he heard customers in Mostro Lounge laugh together. Were they making fun of him? What if word got out about his true form?

Azuls nightmare was awful. In the dream he was back in his octopus pot, peaking out onto the merchildren who just wouldn’t leave despite him telling them to go away. He just wanted to “recharge” and calm down in his pot, he was at his limit, how did they not understand that? How could they be this cold?

He heard the words again that were ingrained in his mind: “stupid, clumsy octopus.”

He had the insults memorized so well, hearing any of those three words usually made images of the past pop up in his thoughts.

The worst part was that the nightmare was so vivid. Azul could remember every detail of it once he woke up. Those laughs and grins that sent a shiver down his spine. How his octomer body pressed against the back of his pot and his heart was thumping in his chest in fear that they would come closer and not just stand outside of the pot. He was crying heavily in the dream. They made fun of his tears. Azul had wondered if they were aware of the pain he was feeling. If they understood what they were doing to him. If they wanted to push him until he would break.

He remembered all of the insults. About his weight. About his tentacles. About his crying. About the sole fact that he existed. And sometimes those people had told him that the world would be better off without him. The first thing he had heard on his 11th birthday when he came to school was one of the kids saying they hoped he would be eaten by a sea monster.

Azul had felt so trapped in his past that he kept forgetting that he was now free to make his own choices without the threat of humiliation lurking around every corner.

He had hated the bullies with a passion. He didn’t identify with anything about them. All he had ever wanted was to prove that he was more than the role they had forced him into and to be free from the cage they had trapped him in for a big portion of his childhood.

So when the children in his nightmare morphed into his overblot form, Azul jerked awake in cold sweat, sobbing heavily. Had he become everything he never wanted to be?

He thought back to the contracts he had made and all he had taken from others. From so many people. Sure, some of them were the bullies from his childhood. But others of them he didn’t even know. They could have gone through similar things as he did and yet he chose to exploit their weaknesses and take what they valued from them when he should have used his power and status to protect them. To make sure something like this never happened to anyone else as long as Azul had anything to say about it. “I have failed myself”, he thought.

It was the first time after the overblot the realization really hit him. That he had this big amount of guilt washing over him. Had he become no better than the bullies of his past? “Am I-….am I a horrible person?”, he whispered between his sobs.

Y/n, who was still awake and had been watching Cater Diamonds new video upload “5 easy recipes for a perfect Unbirthday Party (feat. Trey)” on Magicame, immediately stopped everything as soon as Azul had woken up. She put a hand on his shoulder asked him what was wrong.

When Azul had finished telling her about the nightmare, she pulled him into her arms and Azul was sobbing into her shoulder.

It was rare seeing him this vulnerable. It wasn’t like he hadn’t warmed up to her over time and talked about what bothered him, however he usually did it with his poker face on and a good amount of well-acted emotional distance.

“I probably have no right to complain about what happened to me after all I’ve done…that would be hypocritical”, he said and sighed, still sniffing. Y/n gently grabbed his chin and made him look at her. She laid a hand on his cheek and wiped away his tears with her thumb. “Hey….wanting to be better than the people who hurt you despite the wrongs you have done not too long ago doesn’t make you a hypocrite. It makes you someone who can learn from his mistakes and strive to become better”, she said.

Azul wrapped his arms around her neck and rested his head on her shoulder. For a while they remained like this in silence. Y/n gently massaged the knuckles on his hands and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

After a while Azul stopped crying and his breaths became calmer. Y/n was running her fingers through his hair (also I’d like to note here that I headcanon Azuls hair looks extremely messy when he wakes up) and it helped him relax a lot.

They talked about Azuls worries for at least an hour and a half, in fact this was probably the most open Azul has ever been with y/n so far, and he thanked her for being there with him. Secretly he always doubted she was really that willing to put up with him and his issues. But right now he just gave her a weak smile.

“I just want to curl up in an octopus pot”, he sighed then. “Then do that”, y/n insisted, “if it makes you feel better. You have a busy day ahead of you. You need to get some sleep.”

But Azul didn’t want her to see his octopus form just yet. He didn’t feel ready for that. And even though she kept assuring him that he was beautiful no matter what form he took, she understood he needed time to heal and become comfortable with his true form.

So that’s how the two of them ended up cuddled up in Azuls octopus pot in complete darkness. Occasionally she could feel one of his tentacles strive her arm and she wondered what his true form looked like. Out of respect for Azul she didn’t even consider turning on the light of her phone.

She knew tomorrow morning he would go back to putting on his “Let’s make a deal” face and act like he hadn’t been a sobbing mess last night, but that was just how things were for him currently. Growth didn’t happen overnight and Azul had a long way ahead of him before he could truly leave the past behind and become more open around people. Moments like these were very rare with him and y/n knew he would probably have doubts and regrets about opening up like this plaguing him tomorrow. But for now he just needed someone to be there for him. Small steps, y/n thought, he’s going to get there.

For now she just smiled when she noticed Azul had fallen asleep on the pillow he had put in her lap.

[theangryjikooker]

https://www.tumblr.com/theangryjikooker/760174848978878464/i-hope-to-have-as-much-patience-as-you-do-because?source=share

It definitely has nothing to do with not having reading comprehension skills but everything to do with not liking what's being written. Jikookers are lashing out because someone is "destroying" their beliefs. I'm the same, a Jikooker who tends to firmly believe that Jikook are in a solid relationship for years, and every time they do or say things that doesn't at all align with the image I have of them in my head, I shut it down pretty quickly. Ignore, scroll past, delete, fast foward that specific moment and file it away mentally as "insignificant" and I make it a point to always avoid it in future. And then I go back to my safe cocoon which is "Jikook supporter" spaces where everything is rosy and everything JK and JM say and do is definitive proof of their everlasting love for one another.

And when someone has the audacity to point out the exact moments I work so hard to ignore, I get mad and I feel triggered to say something to counter them. If I cannot do that (as in if I genuinely can't think of anything to say to counter those very valid points they made against the possibility of JM and JK as a couple) I go to Jikook blogs to complain about what "haters" are saying about Jikook's bond, basically just asking them for validation. And when they do, the burning in my chest eases and I feel secure in my ship again.

That's the way it is. And it's so wrong, but I can't help myself and I think it's the same for many shippers, in any ship. It's hard to let go. Even when you reach a point where there's that voice in your head trying to convince you to be logical, there's this other side that just keeps on clinging and just wants to keep spiraling deeper and deeper into that safe space.

Because it really hurts, for some reason, to let go after believing in something so deeply to the point where it becomes a very important part of your life. But this is not a healthy way to live; we see it with how people have turned the fandom into a very toxic, unpleasant environment. We see it with how Taekookers have been harrassing people for years, have threatened harm on others as well as themselves, and are not above insulting the family members of the ones they claim to love and support. Jikookers may always boast about being sane and unproblematic compared to Taekookers, but I really don't think we are very far off from reaching that level of delusion and acting that way if the way they've started to react to Taehyung doing or saying anything regarding JK or even just the thought of him breathing next to JK is anything to go by.

So no matter how much it hurts, I'll force myself to read blogs and posts like yours and open myself up to spaces outside Jikook shipping (with the exclusion of Taekook shipper or solo stan spaces, of course) because I don't want to become miserable and toxic.

And I really wish Jikookers would do the same, try to be a little more neutral and logical, and that there would be more Jikook blogs on Tumblr like this one. This is how we'll be able to create a healthy shipping environment.

Interesting perspective, and thank you for sharing.

I know that one Jkkr isn’t representative of the masses, but while you’re not the first one to say so, you go into a lot more depth and vulnerability than I’ve ever seen any shipper say to someone who doesn’t align with their views.

I think I said in a much earlier post that I can empathize with how difficult it will eventually get for shippers if their idealized version of reality doesn’t match actual reality because they’ve dedicated a lot of time, energy, and emotion into what is arguably just a fantasy. Standard sunk-cost fallacy.

I think people who’ve followed me longer already know that despite saying what I do, I’m always open to the possibility that anything I’ve said is wrong/I’m wrong about them. I’m not particularly willing to hedge bets on it, but I’m vocal enough and often that I sound like a broken record to myself.

I think this is where I butt heads with a lot of shippers because my stance isn’t attached to the pride of being right; I just have opinions and share my observations and any glaring inconsistencies. With toxic shippers—as was the case since I opened this blog and why I started it in the first place—it’s their way or the highway.

Anyway—again—thank you. Food for thought for anyone else interested.

[sevicia]

My ugly notes app monster that sucks so bad and I will probz delete when I wake up tomorrow

It's okay if you don't understand. I know you're not the brightest, I'll dumb it down for you. So-

She starts whining about not being dumb. I grab her hair and yank her head back, making her look straight into the water-damaged ceiling.

I don't appreciate being interrupted, especially when I'm trying to be nice.

I'm sure you've heard this before, but you've always been more beauty than brains. Sadly, you're not much of a looker.

I sigh and let go of her hair.

Her face is all scrunched up now; puffy, wet, disgusting. She buries it into her knees.

She tries to hide, to look brave, but I can tell she's trying not to cry from the way her shoulders shake – as erratic as her breathing; she won't be able to calm down no matter how hard she tries. I know this because I know her. I know she'll keep trying, dumb as rocks; unable to see past her own nose.

The knots aren't that tight– I left them a bit loose on purpose, hoping she'd try to escape so I'd have an excuse to chase her, push her down, really scare her, but it turns out I overestimated both her intelligence and her will to live.

She was so pretty, so lovely just a few hours ago, when I was still having second thoughts about all this, when my hands were shaking so badly I could barely hold my glass, when she was still smiling and looking at me fondly – like I was something worth looking at. No one had ever looked at me with such affection – any affection! – before, and that's how I knew she was kind! Kind, and pretty, and lovely, and so, so devastatingly stupid; so perfect and so easy for me to take, to ruin and rebuild into something even prettier – something better.

I sit down in front on her. She looks pale; sickly. Is her skin cold and clammy, or is she running hot and sweaty from the adrenaline? I can see for myself now, I no longer need to wait or ask. I reach for her ankle, slowly, trying not to scare her.

Clearly, it doesn't work; she tries to kick me off with far too much force, flailing and losing her balance, making herself fall over and hit her head – thud! – on the concrete floor.

I lean over, placing my hands on the ground so I can look at her face – the parts not covered by her hair, anyway. She spares me a single glance, then shuts her eyes tight and starts shaking all over again.

I raise my voice, louder than she's ever heard it before:

You lied to me! You told me I looked just fine, all those times – all those times, you lied to me!

She flinches and tries to deny it, but her voice comes out weak, and her eyes are still shut tight.

I didn't think it'd actually work.

Don't you lie to me again, don't you dare lie!

I lower my voice back to its regular volume. I make sure to sound incredulous, offended:

You can't even look at me.

She takes a big breath, but doesn't say anything. I can tell she's trying to calm down using breathing techniques.

I stay quiet for a bit, still looking down at her, and wait until her breathing's calmed down enough that she's not on the border of hyperventilation anymore before speaking again, now in the low, pitiful whisper she's always known:

Am I really so unseemly? Tell me. Please look at me. Please tell me I'm not.

(END OF CHUNK. WHO CARES)

And now all I've got is a crumpled mess of a girl, clothes and hair almost as dirty as the floor she lays on– I haven't cleaned the place in weeks. I know how important hygiene is to her, after all.

(END OF CHUNK. WHO CARES)

Stop fucking crying, you're ruining your make-up. I'm not into the whole "broken" look with the running mascara anymore. We've done it so much I thought you'd also be tired of at this point.

Seriously?

Your throat's dry because you refuse to ask for help. I'm the only one that can help you, you know? I have no way of knowing what you need unless you tell me. You need to ask for it.

-----

Why should I bring it to you? Where's your manners?

Please, -----

Okay, that's better.

I'm not getting you anything, though. Why? Are you stupid? You keep crying and crying and whining until your throat hurts – and you think you deserve water? How do I know you won't just waste it again?

I'm leaving, I'm too tired to deal with such an entitled little brat right now.

Maybe you should learn how to play nice and be grateful– yes, GRATEFUL, and quit interrupting me before I beat the shit out of you again. I work all day, you know that? I work day in and day out so I can make you prettier – we both know you need it.

Beauty's expensive, are you kidding? Then again, I keep overestimating your cognitive abilities, so I shouldn't be so surprised.

I work all day, every day, and then I come down here to be happy, to relax by looking at something nice – and I find you a disgusting mess, make-up ruined, snot all over your face, and still I try to be nice to you. I might even be going a bit soft. I can tell you've been pulling your hair out again, but I still bring you the foods you like.

Spoiled? I don't see how that makes any difference.

I toss away anything that's gone bad – and yet I keep the ugliest, nastiest and most rotten piece of meat around, even though it fucking reeks.

I'm being nice. I'll only say this once.

I suggest you stop telling me what to do with my trash.

(END OF CHUNK. WHO CARES)

You'd be prettier if you knew how to behave.

[egg-emperor]

You're very right in the tags of that one post. Toxic positivity is just as bad as toxic negativity, sometimes worse due to the handling of constructive criticism because of can-do-no-wrong attitude that stifles growth and creativity.

That ever-growing toxicity combined with this weird form of puritanism that has people harassing and dogpiling on others if they dare have an independent thought outside the hivemind is what's forcing me away from the Sonic fandom and never returning again, despite how much I love Eggman. I've already stopped reblogging Sonic art on my main blog and interacting with the fandom at large outside of a close circle of trusted friends across social media, they're the only thing even keeping that dying flame for this series stoked. I'm almost ready to delete it all and revamp my main blog theme to distance myself further. It hurts to know I'm no longer welcome in something that has been a major part of my life since I started gaming, something I've seen grow from literally nothing as I grew.

I still enjoy so many things about this series, and I had so much fun with everything up until this point, but being pushed out and treated like you're worse than trash for disagreeing with one thing feels like a knife being twisted in my heart. I don't want to go, but at this point I feel I have no choice to leave it all behind.

I'm sorry to sound whiny with this all, but I guess I just needed somewhere to vent. Should I consider this my goodbye letter to the Sonic series? Maybe so.

Thanks, Julian. Again, sorry for the vent.

Nah don't apologize, that's exactly how I've been feeling too. There's a big problem with both toxic positivity and negativity in this fandom and I'd say the former has been a much bigger one lately. I wouldn't say any of my criticisms of the latest media I'm not a fan of has been that harsh, aside from the occasional rants where I've been especially worked up and upset.

Most of the time it was just calm criticism that I was being asked to talk about in my inbox, it's not like I was going onto other people's posts and inboxes trying to be negative. But it's just blown up out of proportion because people take offense merely being something they don't want to see, because I see it as anything less than perfect and amazing. And that's where the toxic positivity comes in.

What I do always comes from a place of deep passion and my boldness in expressing true feelings is dismissed as nothing but hatred. Just because again, it's not highly positive endless praise without question or criticism. There's a lot of toxic positivity and also puritanism especially when it comes to my views and creations of Eggman compared to what people would prefer I think and do instead.

I've stepped away from fandom massively too because there isn't much out there that appeals to me anymore. It's a hivemind where you're not allowed to voice different opinions or even state facts as it's immediately taken as an attack. It's full of high praise of everything and intolerance towards people that don't feel the same, they accuse me of being horrible and hateful and trying to attack specific people with things I make on my own blog.

I don't think I'm ever really going to come back either beyond interaction with the small amount of people I still follow that aren't with that crowd and their mindset and either feel the same or accept I feel differently, like I can with them as long as they respect me too. I don't seek out content from anywhere else aside from heavily filtered Tumblr search. I'll never search Eggman on Twitter again for the sake of my sanity lol

While it does help me feel better to not surround myself with things that make me uncomfortable and avoid it as well as I can, it does hurt to leave almost everything behind and not feel welcome amongst the masses just because we can't agree on everything and are open with criticism, no matter how sensible and calm we are about it. I'm going to miss out on the small amount of stuff out there I would like as a result which is sad too.

But then when I'm at my worst after all recent events, I've contemplated deleting everything and leaving because even though there are a few reasons I have to stick around and it's not all bad, it still feels like I don't belong and do everything wrong in some people's eyes and am hated by many and it just makes me miserable with all the constant reminders. It hurts that something that's been so special and important to me almost all my life is now attached to this pain.

It was fun up until this point for me too but now I feel pushed out because of how many places I've been kicked out of and how many I've been blocked by. It really does hurt a lot, how it feels like everything can go wrong just for being yourself and being open and honest about how you feel. It does stifle growth and creativity a lot when different perspectives and ideas are immediately shunned and looked down upon and responded to aggressively.

I don't really want to go either but I've accepted I need to take a step back, as big of a part of my life it was for so long. And I've been considering that I might have to leave official media behind soon as it just feels like there might not be anything for me anymore. Even before shit really hit the fan fandom wise, I started pondering it. Leaving that will hurt even more but I'm trying not to hold on to what hurts or discomforts me and just doesn't bring me the happiness it did before.

If I do have to leave both fandom and official media behind entirely, it will hurt a lot but I still appreciate for the people I still follow, old official content, and sharing my analysis, headcanons, fics, gushing, etc. I'm still passionate as ever about Eggman and love to create from it and share it, that's why I care so much and have such strong opinions and bold ways of expressing it in the first place. It's sad that it had to come to this but I appreciate the good times and memories and I won't let all this stop me from doing what I love.

But yeah you're not alone in this, I feel exactly the same way and I'm saying my goodbye to most of the fandom too and possibly the entire series itself soon with the way things might be going from here.

You're welcome and no need to be sorry 💜

[pointesdulac]

totally cool to ignore/delete this, but I'm curious what your ideal mando s3 would've been. (bonus question: what parts of the season did you like/were your favorite?)

you're fine, anon!! um, for the bonus question i will admit i have not actually watched any of this season. i have only consumed gifs/tweets/learned what's happened via friends who are still watching. i only heard bad things about the show, so for my own sanity i didn't watch any of it. LOL. i truly believe that people should hit da bricks if it's annoying them!! nothing of value is lost!!

that being said, I liked that Bo-Katan and the Armourer are girlfriends now??

ANYWAY. This is a layered question because I'm not sure if you prefer I answer "how would you logically make s3 for a general audience (no gay kissing in sw)" vs "what would your fanfic of s3 be (ample gay kissing)" because those answers are very different for reasons even aside from the obvious (gay kissing). I am a huge advocate for Din becoming king since, disregarding common jokes, I think it's perfect for his character and his journey.

Ummm Worlds Apart is already my 'Din slowly accepts becoming king' exploration. I'd probably write it a little differently now, since some stuff was going on at that point and I lost passion for it along the way. I was kinda forcing myself to finish it but it's still decent I think. This was written before the BOBF episodes, though, so I guess with those developments, uhhh... Anyway, super briefly since I don't let Mando take up much space in my brain since I'm kinda disillusioned:

I'd probably do a longer/deeper exploration of Din going to the mines and getting redeemed, and keep Grogu and Din apart long enough for that to have sincere emotional weight! Obviously this isn't a realistic wish since CGI Luke is not viable for main plot, but Luke existing and then vanishing from the plot is just bizarre, so.

So, Grogu is missing his father and it affects his training. You get a great parallel from prequels when Anakin gets told how his mind is thinking so often of his mother and it's not a good thing (I am not going deeper into this or someone will jump down my throat about Jedi stuff but you get the implication). Luke picks a different tactic than the previous generation and realizes Grogu needs to go back to his dad. As this happens, Din is grateful obviously but also explains his journey/task to redeem himself. Obviously, Luke helps Din navigate Mandalore/the Mines since he feels responsible for putting Din in that position unknowingly. On this journey they get to talk about resurrecting old cultures, feeling lost in revelations about their people, and starting new paths.

Luke being in the plot in real life can't work because we can't CGI budget it, but they really made him feel like a piece of glue connecting it. He makes the Gideon force-clone business make more sense. Together, Din and Luke fight 1) Gideon's awful conquest of Mandlore and 2) figure out the clone conspiracy/learn lost Jedi information. Luke is constantly dealing with clone shit in legends. It makes sense and the unifying mando/jedi themes are romantic, complementary and we get to see both Luke and Din rise into positions of leadership/honour in regards to their chosen cultures in unison! They're mirrors they're foils they're soulmates.

I wanted to see Din become king so bad and Gideon deserved to die by having his head cut off with the heirloom of the people whose planet and culture he tried to extinguish!!! gideon was fucked up for using the darksaber against the mandalorians and it should've thematically come back to get him!! din deserved to rule as a just, earnest king who proved mandalore was not what everyone believed it to be!! literally hero's journey 101 and they couldn't follow the clear path they laid out for themselves!!

but what do i know i just like to think about the guys kissing and stuff

[bigstupiddummie]

making a post in the tags to “call out” a person is so dumb and childish and stupid, so i won’t put this in there. however, the admin of @wavehq is full lying on my name these days even though i haven’t talked to them or anyone else involved in there in like 6mos. and i rly want them to stop.

i don’t have my old discord account w ss. if anyone else has ss with me in them, u can add them to this post idc how ugly it makes me look. i talked a LOT of shit ( and pertaining to this story, about sel esp ) and called ppl some nasty names and any ss will incriminate me of that. so me talking shit isn’t a ‘gotcha’ anymore. i talked shit and called sel names, as well as k, and i know sel called me names, and im sure everyone else did too. whatevs.

yk what i never did ? i never made a “manifesto” about my ex friend, or priv-retweeted their personal ooc twitter account to mock them. i never helped create and work on an rpt blog, then went and consoled the person being mentioned in nasty messages in the blog on some “oh im so sorry this is happening to you ˙◠˙” shit when it was them the whole time. the worst i did was “fuck her, he’s a cunt, fuck them”, but dream, you lied to me a Lot!

and you’re lying in defending yourself by saying i “heavily hate” sid or anyone. i never have, never did, never will. the last thing i said to sid in like July was “hey, heres my ooc tiktok, im deleting discord. if i never hear from you again, take care.” and then i left rp and the rpc entirely. haven’t talked to or even perceived any of you in months.

you want to believe i’m “bringing this up now” to start stuff or something, but what stakes do i have in any of this? you and yours drove me out of the hobby i’ve loved since i was 12, used an rpt blog to force me to defend myself against your ugly claims at a time you Knew well and good i was absent and dealing with a family death ( and then came in my dms to comfort me ??? you and k both. ) . i lost all of my best friends of several years. trust me, i want no part of the rpc anymore. i don’t want back in. i don’t want to engage. this is a nothing tumblr account that ill never use again. consider, instead, that another person close to the situation and i shared similar experiences and realized there were too many untruths and inconsistencies to let it rest, rather than just ‘starting stuff’ to start stuff.

“sid says steph crops screenshots to make them look incriminating” aye , but i definitely gave my entire discord login out, more than once, and encouraged my friend at the time to go ahead and look for themselves ( they declined at the time. i can still give the login i really do not care. though idk if the login will work anymore bc the accounts been deactivated for, uh, 6 months.) i cropped ss where earthp members were telling me how K is making them uncomfortable and how they were worried lenny was being dragged around by K, that i did do. and i STILL let k know that that’s what they were saying. i can’t stress enough ive got Nothing here that im fighting for i just think its ugly to lie for so long to everyone

“steph heavily hates sid” i do not. note the last thing i said to sid, up there ^. we did follow each other on tiktok then, and then we didn’t speak for 6 months. as of this morning, we are no longer tiktok mutuals - so it goes. sid never owed me anything. i don’t hate them. they know ( and yk what, so do my irl work managers!!! bc this shit affected my actual real mental health!!! ) that the day things went down, i left work early sobbing full blown emotional episode, writing paragraphs in desperation, to the point of overwhelming them and myself. i loved them dearly, called them my ‘spouse’ and best friend everyday, etc. though i don’t know now if they knew more about you than they let on. anyway……. please don’t just be declaring shit about me like it’s fact ?? i don’t hate anyone. not even you dream! just stop lyinggggg i hate that

ye all made me feel like i was crazy and losing myself in my own paranoia omg??? and ye were in your private chats afterward going “well deserved!!!” who even are you what did i do to you omgggg are we not in our late 20s with lives and careers ?????

if this is all bc of heddie/reddie and avengefm ? its ships dude it’s dolls it’s not real and to commit so much energy and emotion to lying to protect ur ships/rps is troubling at best. and if its not about heddie/reddie, then i haven’t a NOTION bc you and i, even when we were friendly w each other, were not close enough to create a bond to break??? i didnt do anything to you but welcome you into my writing spaces and engage in yours to the best of my ability. i was transparent with you when my activity struggled or i needed a break for mental health reasons… but what you had done with your friends is what ruined my mental health ?… go figure ….

i know who was behind that blog because they came clean and told me your connection to it as well. i know sel said nasty things about me too - we’re human and humans love talking shit. but no one else ever took it as far as you did, dream.

i don’t want anything from you! just stop lying on my name i don’t “heavily hate” anyone. outside of my shit talking from 6mos ago, i haven’t said a word against anyone but yourself; i’ve called you a liar, here in this post, because that is what i believe you are.

nobody in my entire life brings up what happened in everwell more than you and k. i owned up to every part i had ( whether directly or by my unavailability, all of it ), i deplatformed and cut out my two best friends ( people i had had in my HOME and had met IRL they were real people to me!!!!! ) and apologized personally to everyone affected, while picking out a funeral outfit and consoling my crying family. these are all my cards on table. you don’t have to respond either. just omg quit lying about me and the way i feel and what my intentions are - if a mf wants to know what im thinking and feeling, they can just Ask me.

and k i don’t want anything from you either! your names in this post because you were involved, and you know your involvement with that blog and how you also came to console me after. outside of that, i do not think of you and do not care what you think of me.

sid, i don’t want anything from u all either and i meant it when i said if i never hear from you again, take care bc i did care for u lots and also invited you into my home bc you were a real person to me. just know for a fact that anything dream says i’m saying about you or feeling toward you is just pulled out of thin air for whatever reason.

i always thought ye all were great writers!!! and so did snags and lex, way back when it was about writing for the love of writing. i would say all the time “omg dream is so funny” “omg k is cracking me up”, and they’d agree. hell if they’re at all in the rpc anymore and see this - hey guys! sorry shit got so ugly. you’ll never guess who was behind it.

i left the rpc and got mental help. i hope ye can get some help too.

* this is dream bringing sel into the Issues and tying her directly to k, btw. you keep saying you didn’t bring sel into the k stuff, but “they’re besties” “she and sel” “they want peach to drop eddie so sel can pick up eddie” this is where we’re getting that from, bc you keep saying you only referenced sel’s activity and didn’t connect her to k at all. i cropped out sids response. i can add it if need be but it’s just sid believing you.

this is where i’m pulling what im referencing in this post from. the second half is censored bc it doesn’t have to do with me.

this is me texting my irl work manager on the day sid and i last spoke. i was distraught and emotional and crying but ok yeah i “heavily hate” sid when the way everything went down broke me to bits OKAYYY

the censored names are the names of my irl managers like it was So Serious so don’t try putting words in my mouth about sid.

[underforeversgrace]

where the wounds were hidden

title: where the wounds were hidden

words: 5629

summary: When there's no one to talk to, sometimes a diary is all someone can turn to.

(This is the Danny POV of 'broken trust and the wounds hidden behind.' Please read that first or this won't make any sense.)

@astatia-ghast

AO3

Tumblr Chapter One of broken trust

AO3 for broken trust

The video shook, opening into a very boring view of a dark hardwood floor, the sounds of clicks and clacks all that was able to be heard as someone did something off screen.

“Are tripods supposed to be this difficult?” An echoing voice asked from somewhere beyond the camera's sight. More shuffles, more movements. “Got it!” The voice exclaimed, releasing a small ‘whew’ of victory.

Footsteps that grew close and then the sound of the camera being picked up, though it still offered no view of whoever was in the room. Instead, it was merely a nauseating sway and someone’s legs, clad in tight black material with white boots. Finally the camera was lifted up, small snapping sounds indicating it was being mounted on something. The scene was nothing incredibly interesting - a small bedroom, the walls a soft blue, though depictions of the aurora borealis were higher up, where they then darkened as the image continued up onto the ceiling, eventually settling into a dark black.

Simple furniture one would expect was visible - a bed, a dresser, a nightstand, a bookcase, though the bed was smaller than most adults would have in their room. Overall, it looked so normal. Unless you looked closely at the comforter strewn across the bed, saw how constellations danced on it, how the colors moved and changed of their own accord. Saw that something which was green and glowing with unnatural brightness sat in vials on the bookcase. Noticed the occasional bursts of light which lit up on the dark ceiling, a rocket lazily flying through the scene.

This was a room not of Earth, that was for sure. As someone finally came into view, he appeared to not be of Earth, either. His white hair, his eyes the color of the vials on the shelf, the white glow around his form. No, he certainly wasn’t human.

“Oh, shoot, when did I press record?” He asked, leaning forward, coming uncomfortably close to the camera. A shrug and he backed away, letting the back of his legs get caught on the bed behind him, bouncing slightly as he landed flat on his back from the force of the fall. He sighed and then sat up, eyeing the camera.

“Welcome to Danny’s diary.” Danny said, waving shyly at the camera. “Not sure why I feel the need to say that. This is so for my eyes only.” He fidgeted, suddenly seeming unsure. A derisive laugh came from him. “Seriously, am I even awkward with myself? Could I be any more lame?”

Each word he spoke seemed forced and awkward. He closed his eyes, taking several deep breaths.

He brushed his hand through the disheveled white mop of hair he had, sighing.

“Okay. Danny, for the love of the Ancients, can you not be weird for five fucking minutes?” He sat up straighter, seeming to gather his courage.

“Hi, me from the future! If I’m watching this and not just deleting it. If I’m actually gonna keep up with this. Things have been… well, they’ve been getting hard. Four months like this and nothing is getting easier.”

The teen relaxed, body visibly releasing tension the longer he spoke.

“I’ve got my powers mostly under control, so that’s… better than it was. I’m not phasing my hand and losing my fork anymore. I’m not losing hold of the transformation. The whole being a ghost part is actually the easy part, ironically enough. Flying is my favorite part. The whole ‘my hands are basically weapons of mass destruction’ is pretty cool, too. Even if a little terrifying. Like I have more power than is safe.”

His face visibly saddened as he continued. “It’s the human part that’s making my life hell, y’know? It’s my family trying to kill me, my sister trying not to give up on me, my friends trying to be understanding everytime I cancel with a bullshit excuse, but I can tell they’re getting sick of it. It’s the bullies at school - Dash, especially - using me for target practice and having to rein in my strength, having to not react and punch that asshole through a wall. It’s the classes I’m failing, it’s the disappointment from everyone around me.”

Danny shrugged and sighed. “I want to tell someone. Anyone. I want to stop going through this alone, but the risk is just too much. Like, can you imagine? Two ghosts hunters learning their son is one? I’d be strapped to a table in ten seconds. Jazz can’t keep a secret to save her life. Sam and Tucker… they’re the ones I wanna tell the most. They’re the ones most likely to understand and accept me, I think. I just can’t bring myself to do it. To make them live with the secret the way I am. But it does make for a very lonely life.

“That’s actually why I’m making this, y’know? I can’t talk to anyone. Jazz tried yet again to corner me at school, demanding to let her know what’s happened to me. She asked who I was going to talk to, then, if I wouldn’t talk to her. Was I just going to talk to myself? And the idea… it didn’t sound bad. I may not be able to talk to someone, but I can still talk about it. Let it out.”

He smiled slightly. The more he had spoke, the easier his words seemed to be. “Yeah, this definitely isn’t my worst idea. I feel… a little better. Good idea, Jazz.” He joked. He moved towards the camera and all that was left was blackness as it was turned off.

~~~~~~

The video started in the same room, Danny settling on his bed. Despite there being no obvious physical change - he was even in the same jumpsuit - there was something different in him. In the way he held his shoulders, in the bags under his eyes. Even the camera couldn’t hide the haunted look in his eyes. He looked like he had fought through Hell and barely escaped.

“So good news is I get portal opening powers sometime in the next decade, so that’s kinda cool. I also might be strong enough to cause the literal apocalypse, though. That’s… less fun.”

He stared at his hands as though they were snakes about to strike. “I don’t want to ever be that. I won’t become that.”

Blinking back tears, he clenched his hands into fists. “And I’ve taken steps to ensure that. What happened to drive me crazy can’t happen now.” Tears slid silently down his face. “I was going to lose Sam and Tucker anyway. They weren’t going to put up with my shit for much longer. It was inevitable.” A scowl formed on his face at the word, as though angry at himself for using it.

“At least Clockwork saved them. Of course, that accident is the kind of bad luck that fucking follows me, isn’t it? The only thing stronger than my bad luck is a goddamn Master of Time, I guess. Cuz, seriously? What fucking kind of accident is that? My parents meeting with Mr. Lancer at the Nasty Burger about my grades, my sister tagging along because of fucking course she did. Sam and Tucker just enjoying a meal - only there because it was my idea, yet I was running late fighting some damn ghost, I didn’t have the chance to save them.”

Danny began to cry in earnest. “And then boom - the Nasty Burger and everyone inside was blown sky high. Everyone I loved, dead because of me. Because of my grades, because of my inability to show up.” 

Voice breaking, he continued. “It wasn’t hard to push them away. I’m not sure if that’s the good or bad option - good because I didn’t have to fight them for something I don’t even want, bad because of how much they’ve given up on me.”

“‘I can’t keep pretending like this, that I want to be your friend. I’m tired of coming up with excuses when I just don’t want to be around you.’” He said, over exaggeratedly moving his head around in a mocking manner.

Danny’s face fell and he began to cry. “They’re gone.” He clung to himself, loud, broken sobs coming from him, as his entire body shook with the force of his grief. “They’re gone.” He repeated.

All the camera caught after that was a heartbreakingly long shot of Danny laying on the bed, burying his face in a pillow as he cried before abruptly cutting to black when, presumably, the camera’s battery died.

~~~~~~

“Well, that fucking sucked.” Danny said, hand pressed to his side, his body occasionally shaking, anger visible on his face.

He looked older now. Baby fat had begun to melt from his cheeks. His shoulders were slightly broader, his jumpsuit a little tighter in the arms as it clung to lean muscle, even as he looked just a little too thin.

But his face was one of someone who knew tragedy, who knew it intimately and survived it, who had gazed into the abyss and seen the darkness. He looked old beyond his years. His eyes were tired, bags were even more prominent. He looked ready to crumble in on himself.

“By Clockwork, my parents really are going to be the ones to do me in. Again.” He said viciously. “Kill me with the portal then kill me with another invention. Seriously - they named it the Fenton Fryer? They already fried me once, goddammit!”

The anger slipped away, bone deep exhaustion replacing it.

“I think I need to film a goodbye video. It’s been so long and I’m so tired. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this. But even if they’re the ones to destroy me, destroy Phantom, I owe it to my family to give them an explanation if Danny Fenton never comes home. So just… film a tell all, a confession. And hope they forgive me at the end of it.”

He closed his eyes, wearily running a hand down his face. Despite the remnants of youth not yet faded from his face, he looked ancient in that moment.

“I don’t want them finding these, though. These are for my eyes only. But there’s so much other data on this drive that might be helpful, especially against some of the frequent flyers here. I don’t want to part with these videos, though. I… I can’t explain it. They’re a part of me now, even if I never rewatch them.” A deep sigh. “I’ll just move these to a different thumb drive and leave everything else on the original.”

Danny laughed bitterly. “Normally when a teenager thinks about leaving a goodbye video, it’s because they’re depressed and ready to go. Of course, no part of me can be a normal teenager. My goodbye video is ‘oops, sorry you killed me’ for my parents.”

His entire body seemed to shiver involuntarily, making him hiss in pain. “I’ve gotta avoid the Fryer next time. It’s been days and it still fucking hurts. I’m still getting an electric shock every time I touch metal. Eye opening though, huh? The proof of how dead everyone wants me, proof of how they’re getting closer everyday?”

Danny shook his head rapidly, suddenly lurching towards the camera and turning it off, the sound of a soft sob the last thing it caught before the recording ended.

~~~~~~

Danny was pacing this time, grumbling to himself as he pulled at his own hair.

“I hate that fucking fruit loop. ‘Oh, be my son!’” He said, openly mocking whoever he was imitating. “‘Oh, trust me! Oh, do this, do that! Just renounce your father and I’ll keep you safe!’” 

He threw his hands into the chair, exasperation clear on his face. “Maybe if he would prove he actually gave a single shit about me as a person, that he wasn’t just a narcissistic asshole, maybe I’d consider him. But he doesn’t give a fuck about who I am, what makes me me. No, I’m just the only other halfa. It doesn’t take a genius to realize that!”

He sat down on the bed with a little too much force, huffing angrily. “Clearly Vlad has never heard the phrase ‘actions speak louder than words.’ If he would be a decent person for one fucking day, I probably would consider it. Er, without the whole offing my dad bit. Just in general. No murder. Those aren’t hard parameters! Act like a goddamn human and don’t murder people!”

Throwing his head back, he grunted in frustration, landing with his back on the bed. “There isn’t anything holding me to my family. Amity’s my responsibility and I can’t leave, but I don’t need to live with my family. But Vlad just wants another lackey to push around. Not me. Not Danny. Just the halfa.”

Danny laughed bitterly. “Seems everyone wants Phantom. Not Fenton. No one wants Danny Fenton.” He was silent for several moments.

Very softly, almost below the ability of the camera’s microphone to catch, he whispered. “I don’t think I want Fenton anymore, either.”

~~~~~~

Danny seemed barely able to walk as the next recording started. The distance from the camera to his bed was no more than a few paces, yet his breathing was labored and he was curled in on himself. Halfway through, he lost his balance, falling to all fours, a pained yelp pulled from him. He pulled one hand from the floor and wrapped it around his center. He tried to push himself back to his feet but the act seemed to be too much for him. Essentially crawling, he made his way to the bed, though he didn’t try to pull himself up, instead sitting up and leaning his back against the side of it.

Danny’s chest heaved as he desperately drew in air, though every rise of his chest seemed to bring him pain, making him grimace.

He leaned his head back, resting it as he closed his eyes. He nearly seemed asleep as he stayed like that several minutes, until his eyes eventually fluttered back open.

“Fuck the Guys in White. Seriously. Fuck them and fuck the US government and just fuck everyone else.” Despite the harshness of his words, there was none of the expected vitriol in his voice. His speech was broken, hitching up at odd spots, too low in others.

“Hell of a cold open, huh?” He said, laughing softly. “I don’t know what else to do. I can’t leave my lair for a while - I need the ectoplasm in the air to help heal me quicker than I can in Amity. I need to talk, but just talking to the air makes me feel insane. At least now I’m talking to a camera. Makes me feel less like an outright crazy person.”

Danny’s entire body convulsed violently and his jaw tightened as he clenched his teeth, pulling himself into a ball. It was over a minute later when the shakes finally subsided.

“I can’t believe the government’s number one idiot squad actually caught me. A lucky shot when I wasn’t looking. It’s such bullshit. And, Ancients, they’re just fucking sadistic. The scientist who… the one who did most of the work, especially. She was worse than most ghosts I’ve faced! At least none of them laugh at me while they’re beating the shit out of me! But she laughed. How could someone see someone else like that and fucking laugh?” He asked, a faraway, haunted look appearing in his eyes. 

The silence stretched for several minutes. 

“They said I deserved it. I didn’t. I didn’t deserve that.” He eventually said to the empty room. “I didn’t,” he repeated, as though he had to convince himself of it.

“I got so lucky, though. That’s awful to say, isn’t it? I got… yeah, I got yeah, and I’m still saying it was a lucky day. I don’t know what happened, to be honest. I felt my core get pierced. And then there was just… an explosion. Every single electronic in that facility failed, I think. Not sure how my ice core produced lightning but I’m not complaining. Maybe because of how I died? I don’t know. I don’t care. I got out but I don’t know if anyone got hurt, if anyone died. Is it bad I don’t care? Is it worse that I hope the lady who treated me like… like I was absolutely nothing died?

“I’ll never forget her face. I’ll never forget her laugh. Ancients, my life is absolutely fucked. I’d say she’d be in my nightmares, but I’d need to actually have time to sleep to dream.”

Danny eyed the camera before shrugging. “Not worth turning it off.” He muttered, reaching under the bed and blindly looking for something, eventually pulling out a large first aid kit. He peeled off the top half of his jumpsuit and grabbed at the gauze, pressing it against the already stitched wound on his chest, dabbing off spots where ectoplasm dribbled from the poorly done sutures.

The pain on his face as he spent the rest of the video tending to the large injury until the camera died didn’t seem to just be physical.

~~~~~~

Danny settled into his normal spot as the recording started.

“He talked to me.” He said, looking starstruck. “Dad talked to Phantom!” 

A small smile appeared on his face - it was so rare he smiled in these videos. “He listened to me! I never thought I’d be saying this, but I owe Spectra a thanks. I can’t believe it!

“I just… I still can’t believe what happened. I’d been so sure when he showed up that I was about to get shot in the back. But he attacked a different ghost, he didn’t even seem to be aiming for me. I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen him not aim for me, no matter what ghost I’m trying to beat into the Thermos. And then he protected me from Spectra, I think? He got her away from me and I was able to pull myself together. I hate her whole shtick.”

He laughed softly. “We actually made a decent team for a moment there, surprisingly enough. Although I really need to keep a better eye out on enemies and not forget they haven’t been souped yet.”

Danny absentmindedly pressed a hand against his side, though the jumpsuit hid whatever it was he was holding. “I’m not sure why I listened to him when he told me to wait, before Spectra reappeared. Surprise, maybe? He’d never just asked me to wait, it was weird? And then he didn’t Fade Spectra, he caught her like I would.

“But then he put his weapons down,” he continued. “Jack Fenton, willingly disarming himself in front of the dangerous ghost Phantom. It was surreal. He talked to me, insisted he didn’t want to hurt me. He apologized! He finally believed I have emotions!”

The smile had continued to grow larger, it was nearly alien to see a large smile on the boy’s face. “He talked to me as Fenton about it, too! I’m actually inclined to believe him. He wouldn’t need to lie to his son if he was trying to trick a ghost. He wants to be an ally, my ally. I never thought… I expected to fight alone for the rest of my life, y’know? I can’t bring myself to fully trust him. Not yet. But maybe. Maybe. I can stop doing everything by myself.”

~~~~~~

A black object sat in his hand and he was entirely focused on it, staring at it like it held the answers to life.

“He got me a cell phone. Phantom me, I mean. Honestly, this entire night feels like a good dream. I almost suspected Nocturn to be behind it, for it all to be fake. But I learned how to tell his dreams from reality last time he came here. This is real. Everything my dad said to me today was real.”

The tears in Danny’s eyes were nothing new to these videos, yet these were different than before. These were tears of happiness.

“I don’t even know how to react to what happened tonight, to be honest. He had kinda scared me at first, literally falling into my stargazing clearing and saying he was looking for me. I mean, how else should I react to that? He was shooting me just last week! And then we just… we just talked, like this was a perfectly normal occurrence. And when he noticed the Lichtenbergs, he asked to hug me? He apologized again. It was really nice. I’ve never been hugged as Phantom, I thought I’d be too cold. Hell, when’s the last time I’ve been hugged at all? I missed it.”

Danny sniffled, rubbing his nose with his hand. “He believes in me. Human me. He hasn’t told me that in at least a year. Not gonna lie, while hearing him say that he thinks Amity’s citizens believe in me was nice… knowing he believes in Fenton is the best part. They haven’t given up on me. They haven’t stopped loving me.”

He ran his fingers along the smooth back of the cell phone, still looking at it like it was the most unbelievable thing he’d ever seen.

“I’m starting to wonder if he’d accept me if he knew the truth. I’ve never been sure. But I’m beginning to lean towards ‘yes.’”

~~~~~~

Danny was standing this time, doing some sort of work out with his shoulder, occasional flickers of pain crossing his face as he seemed to reach the limit of his range of motion in that arm.

“He came as soon as I messaged.” Danny began. “He must’ve left the house as soon as he got my text, as quickly as he got to me. He actually came for me, can you believe it? Honestly, I don’t remember much after sending the message and I kinda wish I did. But, blood loss is a bitch. I know he sewed me up and did a really good job. I think we talked, but I can’t think of any specific topic, it’s all so hazy. I do remember him hugging me again. I’ve never seen Dad cry like that. He genuinely seemed to feel so guilty for what he’s done. For all the pain he’s caused me.

“I used to be so upset at him, if I’m being honest. That he couldn’t tell Phantom was his son. That he would never listen, that he always shot first and asked never. I don’t know when I did, but… I think I forgive him. I’m not angry or hurt thinking about him anymore.”

He sat down, perching on the edge of the bed like he so often did. He continued to move his shoulder in circles, pulling on it with his opposite hand. A grin had settled on his face again. “And then we just talked. Not all of it was pleasant, sure. But most of it… was. The conversation with him was just so easy - which is a statement I didn’t think I’d ever be able to say about Jack Fenton again. Not with all the lies and the secrets I keep, not with the way I always had to make sure to not let him see how scared I was whenever he talked about ghosts. But this was easy and it was fun. It was fun to talk to him.

“My constant puns, the ecto-suit and what happened with Pariah Dark, my Obsessions, and just general ghost lore. The whole time, he was just literally so excited to talk to me. He acted like his normal scientist self, that I always wanted to bolt from before. But I didn’t want to this time. I think I was as excited to talk to him as he was.”

Danny looked away from the camera, running his hand along the comforter on the bed, watching the shapes and colors shift. “We talked once about testing my powers, like how fast I am. I’m still not 100% sure about going into FentonWorks as a ghost and doing the tests. But that distrust and fear is starting to feel more like habit. I want to trust my father. I think I eventually will.”

~~~~~~

A broad grin was immediately visible as the recording began, Danny messing with the camera.

“I did the testing!” He exclaimed, practically vibrating with excitement. It was a nice change from the sadness that almost always appeared in his videos, that had slowly been fading the past few entries.

“First of all, I’m fast as hell. I kinda wanna just go fly at top speed and see how long it takes me to cross the country and come back. Maybe later. But that’s not the point today.”

Danny began to pace, seemingly full of energy and anticipation.

“I’m telling him. I trust him. He passed every test I gave him, even if he didn’t know he was being tested. He turned off all the ghost shields I asked him to. He went a step further, even! He disabled the weapons systems - I didn’t even mention those! As far as he knows, Phantom didn’t even know those existed. He showed them to me! He didn’t have to do that! And then the actual testing was legit fun! I am so much more powerful than I thought I was, which is so goddamn cool.

“Even better, he seemed to be having fun, too! And there was not a single time where I felt trapped or overwhelmed, where I thought Dad was trying to push me beyond what I was okay with. I wasn’t on alert for needles or invasive testing at all. Like, do you know how insane that is? Until recently, I hadn’t felt comfortable around Mom or Dad since before the portal opened. And now I’m standing in their lab, a whole ass ghost, and I’m not scared.

“He even reacted the way I hoped he would when I asked him to shoot at me! He visibly didn’t want to. Jack Fenton didn’t want to shoot Phantom! When he did agree, he got the smallest weapon around. I think he even aimed away from me ‘cuz he hit the shield way to my side, but that could just be his aim.”

The teen barely seemed to breathe as he excitedly chattered. Even beyond the foreign excitement on his face, Danny just overall looked better. The bags under his eyes had begun to fade. His shoulders didn’t seem so tense. He no longer looked like he was staring down the barrels of a firing squad. He had visibly gained weight since the beginning of his father’s change. Danny, for the first time in any of these videos, looked healthy and happy. 

“I’m gonna tell him,” he repeated. “I don’t think he’s going to reject me. He’s accepted Phantom. He’s been trying to bond with Fenton.” Danny chuckled slightly. “This is exactly what Vlad couldn’t do - actions over words. Jack has repeatedly proven he’s capable of change. I need a few days, I think. Figure out how to do it, how to explain it. I’ve never had to describe what I am - Vlad and the ghosts already knew. How the hell do I tell a ghost scientist he is wrong about even more ghost science than he realized?

“I’ve always wondered which of these diary entries would be my last, morbid as that may be. But it’s hard to be me and not contemplate death. When and how, who would land the final hit. Before, I’d have been convinced this would be my last entry. Convinced Dad would shoot on sight. I don’t know how I’ll tell him - as Fenton or Phantom? Just casually and randomly in the living room or planning to do it during dinner? I’ve never told anyone. I have no idea what the best procedure for explaining ‘hey Dad I’m half dead and you used to shoot me a lot but since you’ve stopped, I trust you to not dissect me’ is.”

Danny stopped pacing, grinning into the camera. “I’m not going to be alone in this anymore.”

~~~~~~

PLEASE CONFIRM - DELETE ALL FILES?

Danny hesitated, even as he hovered the cursor over the YES button. For so long, his video diaries had been such a large part of him. He’d never rewatched a single one, but their simple existence had become so important to him, maybe since it was the only times he’d ever been completely honest in so long, even if it was only to himself.

He eyed the most recent video - the one from a little over a week ago, where he’d decided to tell his father. He had gone to his lair to film another diary entry, but now… it didn’t seem important. He’d been his own and only confidante for years and now he had someone else in his ring.

He’d left without so much as turning the camera on. Whereas he used to immediately have the urge to film his entries whenever something notable happened, the only place he allowed himself to talk about all the awful things he had been through, the urge was simply gone.

Now, he simply sat at the computer in his parents’ lab, USB drive plugged in and every recording he’d ever made in front of him. There were over four hundred entries in this drive. If he hadn’t swiped this super capacity drive from his parents, he’d have gone through so many thumb drives by now, the sheer size of that many video files beyond the capabilities of a normal retail drive.

He still struggled to believe how well that night had gone.

He’d decided to do it in the stargazing clearing, just in case he ended up wrong and needed to bolt. He was going to tell him as Phantom. He had a whole speech he'd rehearsed in front of the mirror dozens of times.

The second Jack had arrived, though, he’d frozen, his carefully planned reveal immediately forgotten. It had been nice when his father had laid down next to him and watched the sky with him. Even then, with Jack so willingly laying so close to a ghost, Danny couldn’t force the words out of his mouth. Jack had ended up being the one to start the conversation, despite Danny being the one to call the meeting.

Danny had managed to steer the conversation to a close topic - his human life and his human aspirations. Jack had listened to his every word, confirmed his faith in both his son and the ghost beside him. But Danny had choked. He just… he couldn’t. It was too much change, it was too much risk.

It was just too much.

Danny would be eternally grateful his father hadn’t let the topic drop so easily. He hadn’t meant to admit how much he feared himself, the misery another version of him had wrecked. To be honest, he had never meant to talk about his dark self at all, but if he ever did, he would probably have decided to wait until after his Fenton/Phantom confession. Maybe deciding to do the confession on the anniversary of the now never happened Nasty Burger explosion hadn’t been a great idea, even if it had turned out okay.

He had wanted to cry with relief when his father had continued to support him, even holding Danny against his side. As simple a statement as it was, when Jack said ‘maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do’ that had pushed Danny forward.

He had come to this clearing to confess. He had come here with full faith in his father. He did know his father and he was done being afraid.

Danny had forced the words out of his mouth, forced the transformation, trying to swallow the panic making him ill, constantly reminding himself this was his father, his father loved him, and he was absolutely safe.

Apparently, it would be Danny getting his entire world blown away by a confession in that clearing, not his dad. That Jack had known for weeks. That Jack wanted to earn back Danny’s trust and love, that he wanted Danny to feel safe knowing his parents knew his secret. The fact he had done that had made Danny feel more loved in that moment than he had in a long time, from even long before the portal opened.

He knew soon he’d have to reveal the truth to his mother, eventually she’d return from her conference. But Jack had reassured him and they had spent hours watching the sky.

For the first time since his death, Danny had felt entirely safe - loved, protected, respected, wanted. And all it had taken was his father dropping some duct tape.

PLEASE CONFIRM - DELETE ALL FILES?

Danny didn’t need the diary anymore. He no longer needed to hide away and conceal himself even in his home. He had someone to listen to him other than an empty room and a camera.

YES

He clicked the button and watched the deletion screen, the progress bar felt like an eraser as it slowly stretched across the screen. He watched as it erased years of pain and distrust.

“Danno!” Dad called from the top of the lab stairs. “Do you want Chinese again?”

A grin graced his face. “Yeah!” He shouted back. “Don’t forget the tuna rolls!”

The computer beeped as the progress bar reached 100% completion, confirming everything was gone.

He was erasing years of pain and distrust, yes. But he was preparing to march forward into years of love and acceptance.

And he didn’t need his past holding him back.

[thebigshotman]

(I couldn’t find a space for this in the post (and I know it’s been a couple of days, sorry 😓) but my full support and love goes to @worm-of-theseus as they transition from Spamton to Derecho!! Hopefully he and Spaul can still be friends somehow ❤️❤️)

Hello everyone! First off, before I say anything else, I want to apologize for the abrupt and lengthy absence. Not that such things aren’t commonplace for me at this point, which I also feel I should apologize for. At this point I think I should just stop saying I’m going to be on more consistently, cause my dumb, constantly-shifting-between-fixations brain is clearly not going to allow that. I’m sincerely sorry for all of that, everyone. Rest assured, offline I’ve been doing perfectly well and I’m in good health.

The past couple of weeks have been busy for me, between a busy Memorial Day and my Grandma’s birthday just a few days ago. Not to mention that the summer vacation laziness has kicked in at full force in between these busy events, making it impossible for me to sit the hell up and reply to stuff. I knew I wanted to take a break for a day or two, but I had no idea it was going to go on this long.

When I finally remembered I had stuff to reply to, my brain decided to distract itself even further by reminding me of this JJBA fan part I’ve been working on for ages. Which, of course, put off things more. I got a few chapters done, and still plan to work on it on and off over the summer, but it was frustrating that that was all that my brain wanted to work on when I have people waiting for me.

I’m going to be deleting all of the asks in my inbox-which are mostly from that muse shaming meme-so I can focus my attention on the threads, ancient as they are, that I owe. Hopefully that jolts my brain back into gear and brings me back. Maybe it’ll be tomorrow night, maybe it’ll be Saturday night. But my goal is to reply to what I owe sooner than later, as soon as my offline life stops being busy.

I hope no one is mad that I had to step away for almost two weeks and get my shit together. Part of me feels like everyone else is changing and growing and I’m stuck in a rut, but I’m happy with where my muses and I are and I’m forcing myself to realize that as long as I’m happy, it’s enough. I’m not saying that to make people feel guilty. I’m saying that because my dumb brain thinking stuff like that is also part of why I was gone so long.

I felt like quitting. But I’m not gonna stop. As long as people like my writing and characters, here I’ll stay. So thank you for being patient while I get myself back together. I only ask that you be patient for just a little while longer while I find a block of time to get to everything.

I’ll see you all soon.

Mun Bri ❤️❤️❤️

[waeirfaahl]

Interview with Dev Ross, Balto-2 Writer

In 2020 there was interview with Dev Ross, published in 2020. Here is another interview with Dev Ross, Balto 2 writer, published in AnimationSource in 2021. Byanca Moureen: You mentioned that the studio wanted a sequel to be much more different from the original and with a focus on Inuit and Native American mythology, and that you were inspired by the biography of your husband and embodied it in Aleu and her journey. Can you tell us about the process of creating and developing the story? Have there been any early versions of the script before you or from you? How did they differ from the final scenario? Were there any darker or more dramatic ideas that ended up being scrapped? DR: The process of creating the story had to do with what I was personally experiencing at the time. I was creating a film with Native American teenagers in Oklahoma, USA, on their Indian reservation. I was inspired by their stories of trying to be their authentic selves in a white dominated society and how they, in many ways, were pressured into assimilating. There were no earlier version of the script and nothing of what I wrote was scrapped. Byanca Moureen: We heard that the script was a little longer than the final movie. Were any deleted scenes that remained on the script? And what scenes were not in the script, but they appeared in the film? DR: Sorry, but what you heard isn't true from my perspective. Perhaps, the director would say different, but I know of nothing that was cut. Byanca Moureen: Did you have an idea of who Balto's father was, and what was his backstory? Did Balto ever know and see him? Was this character ever discussed or created? DR: Balto’s father was never developed. It’s just a known fact that there are mixed wolf and dog breeds — as can happen in the wild, if a dog is feral or loose. I raised a wolfdog myself. In my own mind, I imagined Balto’s father to be a stray dog, a loner, a survivor. He is like a human father, who begets a child and then never even knows it. Byanca Moureen: I'd like to ask you about Aniu. She appears as a totem spirit-shapeshifter and clearly legendary figure among the wolves. Wolves refer to her as The Great Aniu and honor the information from the visions, created by her. She can take the form of different animals and appear in the dreams and communicate through them. The wolves never mentioned that Aniu died or ever existed as a living wolf. Even the film clearly hinted that all totem animals are her guises. Is Aniu a kind of wolf patron goddess for wolves? Who is she? What is she? What’s her role? Is she really Balto's mother or is she just a guardian spirit? Is there any backstory here? DR: Aniu became the white wolf and is now the Great Mother of all wolves and serves as their guide — if they will listen. She represents the "call of the wild" that exists in us all. Most of us ignore that call, repress it or can't even hear it. But some do. Balto did, but fought it to be like regular dogs. But his daughter could not repress the desire to return to her roots, her true nature. Aniu is part of the Great Spirit. She is the reminder that we all are part of nature and must honor nature as a powerful force. Aniu shows herself to those who will listen. (Trivia: In my mind, her great love for her pups and her wolf pack made her a guardian spirit once she died. And, yes, she joined in with a Greater Force, a Great Guardian Spirit. Unfortunately, I don't know, why and how she died — that was decided before I came on the project.) Byanca Moureen: Was Aniu a character of your personal creation, or she was planned by the team working on the original Balto? Was she the white wolf from the original movie? Was it your idea to make exactly Balto's mother to be his wolf side, or it was already stated by the original film and its team, and you just expanded and developed it in the Wolf Quest? What’s behind this mysterious character? DR: The white wolf was in the first Balto, but not developed. I loved her and wanted to make more of her in my film, so I made her Balto’s mother. No one gave me any information on her, so I named her Aniu and developed her a bit more. I was hoping to do more with her in another film, but I wasn’t hired to do another. Byanca Moureen: I’d like to ask about the totem spirits. The wolverines symbolized the fear, the fox symbolized the guile, the bear symbolized the intuition, the caribou symbolized life. What did the white wolf, the mouse and the raven symbolize? And what was the essence of the totem spirits? Are they some kind of the deities from the beginning or they were mortal animals in the past and before death? Maybe every spirit (including the ones in the cave) has a specific role, they have some kind of hierarchy, panteons? And if Aleu was the true leader from Aniu’s prophecy, why the dreams and the tests were addressed to Balto, why Nava considered Balto as this true leader from the prophecy? I feel the emotional and psychological arcs here, so I’d like to go deeper into this topic and to know a bit more. DR: White wolf symbolized being in touch with one's true self, one's true nature. She is an invitation to explore the deepest parts of yourself. She is the Great Mother, the one who loves you absolutely. The one who wants you to self actualize. The mouse is the symbol of wisdom of examining. The mouse seeks to get you to look inside your mind. The raven is a complex symbol. It can represent loss, prophecy and insight. Balto had the dreams, because dreams bring up what one often represses. His daughter was in touch with her wild nature, while Balto repressed it — thus his dreams. Nava felt Balto was the true leader, but discovered that Balto was only a part of a greater plan. Byanca Moureen: Many fans wondered about the puppies. There are six of them, and we only know the names of three: Aleu, Saba and Dingo. The name of the fourth puppy (Kodi) we learn in the third film. What are the names of the other two puppies? Or were they nameless even in the script? DR: I thought I gave names to all the puppies, but, sorry, I don’t remember. Byanca Moureen: Nava has the traits of shaman, he speaks with the spirits and the nature, the wolves themselves are clearly inspired by Inuits and Native Americans. Can you tell more about the culture and traditions of the wolves in the film? Maybe you had some ideas for their developing? DR: I can tell you that I studied how wolves are, how they exist in packs and fused that with Inuit and Native American culture. I had access to a lot of wisdom from Native American elders and used it in the film. Byanca Moureen: If you were again asked to make a continuation of the story of Balto or Aleu, would you agree? And if so, what would you like to tell about? DR: Yes, I would agree. I would take up in the wild with Aleu. Most likely, I would have her return to her father, because she needed help. Perhaps, because of enviromental issues or that her pack had been captured or run off by humans. I was very disappointed, when they did not hire me to do the third Balto, so I made myself look elsewhere for writing satisfaction. Balto 2 was very personal for me. Byanca Moureen: Thank you for your answers! Thank you! Dev

[morningstarascending]

Life No Longer Silenced - Part 6

I wake up in the hospital only to discovered I have been ran over. I have 24 hours of memories from that day missing. Problem was, a car theif stole a car and I was ran over. Doctors told me I have two severe brain concussions ( front left lobe and back right lobe), pinched and damaged nerves and, a possibility of paralysis. I looked at the doctor calmly and that freaked them out, since I was a pain before. I wanted to take care of myself and go to the bathroom myself. So I was awake and stubborn about taking care of myself, yet I remember nothing. Even my subconcious a bad habits. Though I can;t remeber the episodes or movies on a lot of shows or movies I seen, so it fun to watch it like it was the first time again. Sometimes, some flashes sneak in, better that than negative memories. Finally I come back home and ask to work and only do office work, no stocking or heavy lifting. That didn't last long, he became even more demanding to help remove house tenants, belongs, collect rents checks and, maintenance on a/c units. Stress on me and wear and tear on my car was getting to be way too much. I needed a pay raise and asked for one. I get a possition demotion with a pay decrease and firing for nearly a year in advance. You can re read that, that is true. So in the mean time I tried these stuppid app jobs while working at that gas station. First it was postmates and taht was so horrible. Hardly any orders, pay was so bad and no one really tipped at all. In two weeks I only made 24 bucks and stoked doing that. They I did Lyft, it was also bad. There were too many drivers in an area and then also no one really wanted to tip. After a few months I found out you can only make a living on this in a major city. I found a job at a private liquor store and quit the gas station but kept doing Lyft. Sadly I ended up doing Lyft as a side hustle when my account kept ketting hacked, cars put on there, money taken. Lyft's software security sucks, so I had to contact them to deactivate my account. They didn't even understand that. They kept asking if I wanted to delete it, faq said it can only be deactivated. I have lost faith in the intelligence of humanity and many have been warned about it deteriorating. THis guy was a new owner to the business, kept rude and toxic employees and had a revolving door for more toxic employees. He would never hire enough and expect people to work so many hours for so little pay but was always a couple more dollars than most till the pandemic hit. In the begining it was ok and not too bad, just working till 10 and getting to bed at midnight. As usual I awlways show up to work on time, follow company policy and, constantly keeping the shelfs full. Well he buys another store making it 3 of them and asks me to become manager. Yet again, trust and being promoted quickly, I hate it. It cause animosity in the work place, especially others that want it that have been there longer. It made me alienated but I remained friendly and did my best. Since I was manager I had full access to the system. So I got to work in improving inventory, profits and, stock. I ended up doing so much physical and mental work. I cut inventory down to what sold the most, made it more so easily accessable for stock and sales and, improve profits. All three stores bounces around 23% and 25%. After looking at prices at major and local stores, going through the system (correcting all the numbers; stock, margins, inventory, case sizes. ect...) I had it up to a constant 26% a month. As usually a revolving door of employees but not raising pay during the pandemic caused them to lose employeess and forcing to work at all three stores. Two pretty far apart in one city and the other in another city entirely. Me being promoted, one manager left and other was just lazy and was fired. He promoted a gun loving racist that scared that shit out of me, especially always on drugs. The third manager position kept changing and more toxic employees come in. I finally get the margin at a steady 30% / 31% a month and a usually average is 25 percent.