#it’s in my history it should be fine

[pyjamacryptid]

We’re grieving tonight (the 97 tabs I just lost in the browser crash)

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 11

PREVIOUS

FF could admit that he may not be working with a full tank at the moment.

He had not slept very well the night before.

He had watched a lot of horror movies (a genre that he generally does not consume because his mind is already a scary enough place).

He was not able to go see his Grandma and he was going to miss the traditional(tm) Black Friday extravaganza that he and his Grandma did every Black Friday since he was little and encountered the horrible truth about Santa and she’d let him in on when / where most of his Christmas gifts were obtained. (The answer was not the North Pole under the watchful eye of elves. He had cried himself to sleep at the revelation but Gran always had a way of making the worst moments of his life tolerable.)

He may have eaten just…a bit too much pie?

He definitely ate too much turkey.

His stomach is killing him because he had forgotten to take his pepto when he had slammed that five hour energy.

His heart may actually break out of his rib cage with how hard it’s beating in his chest.

He’s been listening to Andrew and Captain Neil go back and forth for the last hour and a half between discussing Aaron’s recent mess ups, to what they’ll do to one another with a locked door between them and the world, to Andrew complaining that Neil’s hand is sweaty, to Neil saying Yes and Andrew’s hand is no longer in Neil’s and-

He clenches his eyes close.

And Andrew has swerved back into the lane for the third time in the last five minutes while saying something unrepeatable about his plans for Captain Neil and the whipped cream.

FF does not handle swerving cars very well.

He hears Andrew say something that sounds like it could lead to a very uncomfortable yeast infection for Captain Neil didn’t properly rinse off afterwards.

The car swerves over the rumble strip.

A fear far stronger than his fear of what Andrew could do to him overtakes him.

“I don’t like swerving cars. So, I’m going to ask that you focus on the road and keep your hands on the steering wheel.” FF says so panicked that he sounds calm and he watches as both Neil and Andrew stiffen at the sound of his voice. “If you can’t, then I’m going to ask that you pull over and let me out.” He offers a second option and a part of him is just amazed that his voice doesn’t crack even once. “I’m fine with either option.” He says.

He says both are fine but…

Honestly he hopes Andrew chooses the first option as he looks at the dark and lonely highway.

He looks back up at the front seat and both Neil and Andrew are looking straight forward. Andrew’s hands are on the steering wheel.

“Thanks.” He says and returns his attention to back over Aaron’s head.

The rest of the ride to Columbia is blessedly quiet. Aaron and Nicky wake up when they get off of the interstate and Nicky has the good grace to try and wipe the drool out of FF’s hair while Aaron seems unbothered by the wet spot he left of FF’s shoulder.

They get out of the car and they each grab their own bag in exhausted silence. Nicky is barely managing to put one foot in front of the other and before FF can do or say anything Nicky is in his room and has locked his door.

The room that FF had been planning on sleeping on the floor of because Nicky had told him he could so that FF would not drink 20 5-hour energies over the course of the weekend.

But Nicky had looked really tired.

So he is given a general tour by a very quiet Captain Neil and FF forces himself not to think about the cooler that Andrew had brought to, what he assumes is, Andrew’s bedroom before it was brought to the kitchen. He gets shown where the blankets and pillows that Kevin uses are and FF nods in quiet acceptance even knowing that he is going to spend the night going over Katakana flashcards and maybe up his literacy on Kanji to a second grader’s level.

Captain Neil wishes him a good night while Andrew gives him a nod and it is the last time he sees Captain Neil that night.

It is not the last time he sees Andrew.

***

Andrew comes out of his room to go get two glasses of water nearly 2 and a half hours later. The house is silent and dark. He is pretty sure him and Neil are the only two up.

He is wrong.

He comes out into the living room on his way to the kitchen and finds FF going through flashcards at a rapid pace. He walks a little closer to see what it is but the flashcards aren’t even right side up half of the time.

He thinks about the car ride.

‘I don’t like swerving cars.’

FF had said it so matter of factly. He was uncomfortable with the swerving.

Andrew had told FF recently about the words he didn’t like.

It felt like FF was offering at least something of himself back to Andrew for the first time.

Andrew thinks about how once his hands had gone back to the steering wheel FF had leaned back into his seat and stared out the window.

Andrew has at various points tried to look up what FF’s circumstances were but searching news sites for someone named ‘Smith’ with no first name to work off of was an exercise in futility.

Neil has lamented many times to Andrew about his bizarre jealousy over how unknowable Smith is. “He’s learning new languages, keeping a low profile, and playing Exy. It’s everything that I wanted in my freshman year and couldn’t manage because Riko pissed me off so much! It’s just kind of hard to see someone living my dream.” He says.

Andrew had punched him in the arm for that one.

“My old dream!” Neil had said and Andrew almost punched him again for the smile he flashed but had ended up kissing his stupid pretty face instead.

Where was he?

Right.

FF didn’t like swerving cars.

It didn’t necessarily have to be the trauma that lead to that aversion. Andrew certainly hadn’t had anything scare him on a plane but he still hated flying.

Still.

“The flash card is upside down.” He says and watches as FF pauses in his shuffling before righting that card and flipping to the next one which was turned to the side as far as Andrew could tell.

FF should be asleep.

FF is not asleep.

It might be Andrew’s fault that his friend can’t sleep.

“It won’t happen again.” He says and FF turns and stares at him blankly for a few seconds before he nods his acceptance.

It’s nice having a friend who understands what he means without needing to explain every little thing.

***

FF thinks he might have double-dosed on the 5-hour energy.

He also thinks he might currently be able to see through time.

His flashcards are making so much sense right now.

Then Andrew had come up and it truly was a miracle that he did not shit himself considering the sheer amount of apple pie still making its way through his system. That’s a lot of fiber for one body and he’s sure the 2-3 Five Hour energies he has taken are not helping his plight in that regard.

“It won’t happen again.” Is what Andrew says and in an instant FF feels his stomach drop to his feet. He nods blankly and watches as Andrew nods back before the man went to the kitchen and left with two tall glasses of water.

‘It won’t happen again’

FF has asked Andrew for TWO favors today.

TWO WHOLE FAVORS.

WHAT WAS HE THINKING?

The answer was that he WASN’T.

Even if FF had paid back one of those favors with the sheer power of his granny’s pie there was the case of the secondary favor he’d asked for in the car.

‘It won’t happen again’

There won’t be anymore favors for FF. He’d used up any mercy his grandma’s pie had bought him.

He considers the time pulls out his phone and goes through some saved text files on his phone.

It’s time for guns even bigger than his grandma’s apple pie.

He takes another five hour energy and knows that he won’t be sleeping a wink. He looks up groceries stores that are open this early on Black Friday, he grabs his wallet and with immense fear in his heart grabs the keys Aaron had dropped into a bowl by the front entrance.

He needs the ingredients for his great-grandma’s brownies.

Do your civic duty and: CAST YOUR VOTE TODAY ABOUT MEMES

NEXT

Per y’all’s requests:

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As stated before if you’re up here and I spelled it right but you didn’t get a notification there might be something switched around in your settings that won’t let me tag you properly?

[sadquickchristmassnowman]

do you guys think my IP address is gonna get flagged :(

[laufire]

ch. 8 of "investigating lois lane" talks about the period of months following superman's death and it's making me want to entertain a story where superman stayed dead, just the same way I often think about that re: batman in the late 00s era.

[trollprincess]

So I posted this photo of my living room and my queer art wall to a maximalist FB community I follow:

… and unsurprisingly some jackass showed up in the otherwise kind comments to say, “Because knowing how someone has sex is so important.”

I am restraining myself from commenting back as the mods are usually good at nipping this sort of thing in the bud but … oh, honey, if you think my mom’s wall of bland family photos of her mostly-straight relatives doesn’t tell me and everyone else how they fuck to make all those kids, you’re in for an unpleasant surprise.

(Also, considering the number of real people in these photos and art pieces who died at the hands of bigots, Nazis, and homophobic government handling of an epidemic, then yes, their sexuality and gender is sort of important.)

[lunapwrites]

Generational trauma is weird sometimes.

Like, I have never in my life seen let alone experienced a tornado. But both of my parents lived through a nasty one, and so now any time we get so much as a watch, I've got leashes and collars on the dogs and my bag strapped on with my ID and sturdy shoes (even if I'm otherwise still in my pj's) and my water bottle refilled and I am READY. All because I grew up on the story of my mom having to walk barefoot to the red cross station after her house got blown away around her.

Anyway, this comes up now because last week was the 50th anniversary of the inciting event, as it were, and my mom actually told her story straight for once instead of roundabouting it.

Pictures/info/TLDR version of the stories below in case you were curious.

Clocked in at half-mile wide. Multiple vortices. Wind speeds estimated between 250-305mph. 32 killed (plus two firefighters due to a subsequent fire) and 1,150 injured.

On the ground for 39 minutes, traveling about 32 miles. Downtown Xenia pictured at center, Arrowhead subdivision on the far left at point of touchdown.

The Arrowhead subdivision was the first hit - my mother's neighborhood. All that was left of her house was the hallway she was sheltering in with her younger brothers, and the closet where she'd stashed the family cat. They were home alone at the time. She was 14.

Image of the damage in downtown Xenia, where my dad was. He survived thanks to a passing couple who dragged him off his bike and to the nearest cover - the stairwell of an elementary school. It was partially destroyed, and he almost lost a finger to a flying brick, but he lived to tell about it. He was 16.

[wonder-worker]

A.J Pollard’s biography on Edward IV was so cringe lol (generic; minor but frustrating inaccuracies; intensely judgmental at times and oddly dismissive at others while never considering the broader context; entirely diminished and trivialized Elizabeth Woodville as both queen and wife of his main subject in the name of "defending" her; created a false dichotomy between Edward and Henry VII’s styles of ruling and lauded the latter at the former’s expense even though Henry literally followed Edward’s example for the very things Pollard was criticizing Edward for; had a downright nonsensical and thoroughly misleading conclusion about Edward’s legacy & Richard’s usurpation that was based entirely on hindsight, Pollard's own assumptions, and the complete downplaying Richard’s agency and actions to emphasize what Pollard wrongly and misleadingly claimed were Edward's so-called 'failings', etc, etc)

I wanted to buy his book on Henry V but after reading this shitshow and the synopsis of that book, im guessing it's going to be 10x worse, so...no thanks

[brookheimer]

do i post my long explanation of empathy vs sympathy re: roman tonight or is that just excessive

[kazoologist]

man if i had a nickel for every time some fucking overconfident weirdo decided to position themselves as an authority on a historical topic and then proceeded to not just do bad history but then PEDDLE LITERAL FUCKING CRANK SHIT AND MISINFORMATION i would have like. a quarter.

[queenerdloser]

lol my landlord just let me know theyre selling my apartment and to plan to move out within the next two months

[imminent-danger-came]

Unhinged Anon, back again! And so incapable of not bugging you with lmk thoughts that I apparently have my own tag now? Thank you but also I’m so sorry??? The monkie show has made me insufferable, and I’m afraid you’ve become the primary target of my insanity. 

Anyways, your tdp soundtrack post got me thinking. Since they haven’t released an official lmk soundtrack (for some reason. LEGO/Flying Bark/whoever makes that decision, we will give you our money just PLEASE GIVE US THE MONKIE MUSIC), I was wondering what your… lets call it 10 (or however many you want to do) favorite tracks from the show are, and more importantly: What would you name each of them?

For example, I love the track that plays in Benched where Tang gives his speech to Macaque and then Pigsy starts singing, and I’d probably name it “There Will Always Be Hope” because goooood I love that speech. Plus, that quote feels pretty relevant to the moment where the leitmotif (I think that’s the right term? I know very little about music and composing) pops up again in Destiny Fulfilled. Anyways, hope you’re having a lovely day! *waves from the precipice of madness*

You always leave me such quality thoughts I thought I'd just give myself a good way to find them faster! BUT YES THIS IS A REALLY FUN ASK. I'll do 6 I think, in no particular order:

1.) The song that plays while scroll Subodhi is talking to MK in front of the stone in 4x06, it drives me insane. I shall dub it "It Was Used to Form Another" or even "Time Will Tell".

2.) The track that plays at the beginning of 4x01 while our mysterious hooded figure picks up the scroll piece. I love all the music associated with the scroll/curse in general. Let's call it the "The Brink of Chaos"

3.) The music during Mei's "We trusted you" speech in 3x10 is AMAZING. I'll call it "Mei's Lament" since her theme plays in minor during those scenes.

4.) The main theme that plays during MK's big "patience and focus" scene during the climax of 1x09. I feel like honestly that's just the main theme of the show, so "Main Theme" or "The Monkie Kid".

5.) The music that plays behind Azure and the Jade Emperor's fight in 4x10, or honestly even their whole convo in general. Let's call it "Was there a Point Where You Questioned It".

6.) The music that plays at the end of 2x10 while Lady Bone Demon crystalizes MK and then the rest of the city, the haunting choir there is SO GOOD. "Destiny Found You".

*waves back from the precipice of madness*

[arceespinkgun]

as a megatron enjoyer it is very difficult to find fics where he isn’t immediately clumped into the Big Masc role in a ship and it’s really frustrating! once i tried to look through the megashock tag bc i thought it would be a fun ship to read and it was all tfa where shockwave was put into this weaker feminine role and it was frustrating! i enjoy megastar, megasound, and a number of other ships and it’s so frequently just the same thing over and over again— Big Masc and Little Femme esc roles that don’t make sense for the characters.

i don’t think characterizations need to be perfect— especially in a fandom like transformers where there’s so many variations to the characters, but i find it ridiculous just how often it’s just the Big Masc and Little Femme roles being reused in various contexts. it especially makes it difficult to find fics that aren’t that

This is about this post where I talked about why I think there's an odd and surprising gap between the amount of MegaStar and MegaSound content in the TF fandom, and I speculated that it's because fans want a ship where it's easy for them to force the characters into very conventional boxes that don't actually fit them.

My partner really likes Megatron and MegaSound and has probably read every single MegaSound fic and he feels your pain, there is some good, in-character content that doesn't put them in roles like this but it still barely exists!

I do get TFA MegaShock, though I don't seek it out, and I would bet nearly every single fic with them is not only about Shockwave being small and femme like you say, which is bizarre for his character in that show, but also that it's always about Shockwave pining and wasting away for big masc Megatron who never looks his way lol

And I'm with you on characterization being flexible because of how TF is, that's something I really like about it. There's canon content for different series that can suit almost any fan's tastes! But I wish people took their characterization from somewhere or would occasionally stop to think about why they're portraying things the way that they are. This is something I've been increasingly annoyed by lately.

I'm going to put this next thing under a cut because it talks about... um... interfacing in TF fic:

Can I just say it bothers me as well that I've noticed a large number of fics and artworks that use the tag "bottom Megatron" and make it look like they're going to buck this trend but then they 1) do the exact same thing again but they switch which character is in which role, which is just as OOC and revealing or they 2) change absolutely nothing except Megatron's bottoming, as if what the character literally does while interfacing solves the issue. Sometimes I wonder if this is such a trend because people want to feel like they're doing something but really they're not!

[listen-to-the-inner-walrus]

calling nhs 111 is great because in the first two minutes, youre told that you can do this online three times.

like buddy, i get it, ive tried 111 online and they tell me to call 999 immediately.

[wlwitchofwhitestone]

I've seen references to the opinion that imodna is a sunken ship at this point and I can't help but laugh a little in disbelief because are you kidding me? They just became a relatable and believable dynamic to me with literally two words, literally this episode, this week. As far as I'm concerned they didn't even have a ship to sail in until that moment. Conflict and values and vulnerability are the foundation of a good ship. You're doing yourself a disservice throwing yourself overboard because I promise you the ship is just leaving the dock.

[heartbeetz]

Going to look at a couple apartments tomorrow and the next day... the anxiety is setting in