#it’s like she’s trying to get me to cave on this?? because i’ve sent her so many that meets her brief exactly that she doesn’t even reply to

[selfconsumerofmywoes]

my only two holiday conditions: not in april, and not over 750 quid

every holiday my mate sends me: april, £850+

[el-255]

I find it so poignant in Epic the idea that all of Odysseus’s actions of ‘kindness’ so to speak always come back to bite him in the end (going to the cave to try and show open arms in trusting the lotus eaters, offering the wine to Polyphemus, sparing Polyphemus, his apology to Poseidon) except for his plea to Circe after denying her advances.

And you know why I think that is? Because it’s the only open arms approach that is completely sincere in nature.

Let me explain a little further, everything I’ve listed up to that point has been deception in some sort of way, they only went to the cave on the advice of the lotus eaters because they were desperate. I have no doubt that if given any other choice, Odysseus wouldn’t have gone. He only offered the wine to Polyphemus in an attempt to bargain for his and his crew’s lives and he ends up spiking it with lotus anyways so even if Polyphemus had let them go, he still would’ve ended up being betrayed in some sense. Him sparing Polyphemus is an act of spite against Athena and Polyphemus because he believes himself to be above any sort of repercussions and wants to taunt him for killing his friends. And finally, his apology to Poseidon is insincere at best because at no point does he ever utter the words “I’m sorry”. Not that Poseidon would’ve let him go anyways because I firmly believe at that point he’d already made up his mind to kill Odysseus and his crew but it’s the thought that counts and Odysseus clearly wasn’t sorry in the slightest, only sorry it came back to bite him.

Then we move to Circe and that’s when Odysseus’s luck changes when, after telling her that he will not cheat on his wife, she shows him mercy and helps him out. Because Odysseus was sincere in his affections for his wife and Circe, a woman who has been burned and abused by men in the past, has watched her nymphs suffer at the hands of men, and as a woman who deems all men as pigs because she believes they do not care for women at all, respects him for that. It humanises him.

It gives Circe some sort of hope that things could be better. Her line “maybe one day the world will need a puppeteer no more” may be immediately followed up with her declaring that instead one day it could need her more and things will get worse, but it gives Circe hope that she never had before. Circe already held the views of her final line, it’s nothing new for her to be untrustworthy of men at best, but for a moment, she wants to believe in a world where men are good and her nymphs would be safe even without her protection. A world where she would be safe.

All because Odysseus was finally being sincere to someone and genuinely poured his heart out which worked! Circe let his men go and helped them get to the underworld which she didn’t have to do at all, she could’ve sent them on their merry way and washed her hands of the whole incident but she didn’t. She wanted to believe in the love between Odysseus and Penelope and did everything in her power to make their reunion possible.

This makes his turn to becoming a monster in the underworld saga all the more upsetting because one good outcome to his kindness does not change others that got his friends killed so he completely gives up on it and embraces the role of being a monster who doesn’t care for anything but getting home, no matter the cost.

Even by the point of his plea for mercy from Circe, a part of Odysseus has already given up on everything Polites tried to in-still in him, but loves his wife so much that he’d never even fathom betraying her despite the fact that he believes cheating on her with Circe (unaware that her seduction is only a farce to kill him) will make her release his men and she’d likely never know that Odysseus had betrayed her. He still can’t do it, it’s Odysseus’s last ditch attempt to try and resolve things peacefully and he’s only doing it for the love of his wife.

It’s tragic irony that the very thing he believes in so sincerely, humanises him so much, and garners him the most help and sympathy is what leads to his downfall to a monster, his love for his wife and his son.

[sevcasejay1chicago]

Hot- Jay Halstead, Matt Casey, and Kelly Severide

Summary: When you come down with a high fever, it’s up to your boys to help make it all better.

Warning: some language, EXTRA FLUFFY and EXTREMELY LENGTHY

Authors note: sorry it’s been a while guys. I’ve had two rounds of immunotherapy. Both times I had a reaction, which I’m still recovering from my latest infusion. I started writing this about a month ago when I came down with a high fever. Sorry it’s been a minute and I AM getting around to asks. Thank you all for the patience and the support. I love y’all!

—————————

You had been feeling kind of achy and tired for well over 24 hours. You insisted that you were fine and even brushed Jay off when he said you felt a little warmer than usual. Now, you wished you had listened to your boyfriend and stayed home with Matt and Kelly. Even though they are on shift now, you would at least be in your own bed.

“M’ fine. Jus’ need to lay ‘ere a bit.” You mumbled, laying with your face pressed against the back of the leather couch in the kitchenette. You had stumbled in here after leaving Jay to interrogate the latest suspect. You really weren’t ready to give in, but you knew you were about to have no choice.

“Y/l/n. You and I both know that’s bullshit.” Voight said, leaning on the table. “You either go with Halstead or go by ambulance. You and I both know you have a high fever.” Voight pointed out, crossing his arms as he waited for a response. Similar to Erin, you became like a daughter to him, so he was not keen on letting you fry your brain just because you were stubborn.

You sighed, pressing your palms into your eye sockets to try and stop the burning. “With Jay.” You grumbled, returning your arms back around your body as you violently shivered.

Voight nodded, though you couldn’t see him. He waved Adam in as the officer walked by, not wanting to leave you. “Adam. Go get a washcloth from the locker room and wet it with cold water. After you bring that to me, go finish the interrogation for Halstead. Y/n needs to go home and she can’t drive like this.” Voight instructed, kneeling next to you to test your temp with the back of his hand. “And grab that blanket she keeps on the back of her chair. She’s shaking.”

“You got it sarge.” Adam said, running off to do as he was asked.

Once the wash cloth and blanket were dropped off, it took Jay less than 5 minutes to get to you. “I heard.” He said to Voight as soon as he stepped into the room. “I’ve got it from here. Thanks Sarge.” Jay said, crouching down next to you.

“No problem. Just take care of her and keep me updated.” Voight said, patting Jay on the shoulder before he walked out of the break room.

Jay sighed, touching your forehead to check again for himself. He winced in sympathy as you leaned your burning forehead further into his touch with a whimper. “Shhhhh. I know. I’m gonna take you home.” Jay whispered, rubbing his thumb along the area between your eyes, knowing you get a headache there when you have a fever.

“Jay?” You whispered, shifting on the couch as you blinked sleepily up at your boyfriend.

“Yeah baby. Close your eyes. I’ll get our stuff together and take you home.” Jay soothed, moving the cloth that fell off the back of your neck to your forehead.

When the cold shocked your system and sent a shiver down your spine, you whimpered and reached for your boyfriend. “Hold me.” You whimpered, tears welling in your eyes. You felt horrible and all you wanted were your boys and your bed.

Jay sighed and contemplated it. The look on your face had him caving in seconds. “Okay baby girl. Okay. Come on. Up you go.” Jay whispered, helping you sit up before picking you up with your arms wrapped around his neck and legs wrapped around his waist. He cringed at the heat your face brought to his exposed neck, you having immediately shoved your face into the crook of it.

Kim saw the exchange and quickly walked in from her desk, draping the fallen washcloth over the back of your neck and tucking the blanket back around your shoulders. “Hailey has your stuff on your desk. We doubted she would make it down the steps without you carrying her. Voight said her fever is pretty high.” Kim said, rubbing your back through the fabric of your blanket and frowning at the heat you were putting off.

“Yeah. Do me a favor. Call Matt and Kelly. They should be at the station. I need them to pick up some supplies and meet me at the house.” Jay said, gently swaying with you as you whimpered.

“Sure thing. Whatcha need?” Kim asked, already pulling up her notes app.

“Thermometer, Motrin, Tylenol, Gatorade, her favorite popsicles, and some soup. Have them call Will to double check me.” Jay said, walking toward his desk as he spoke. “Thanks for all the help guys.”

Everyone waved him off, saying no problem or don’t sweat it. Comments offering more help or to call if you needed anything, along with well wishes to you, were said as Jay carefully walked down the steps to get to his truck. Once he had you in and buckled, Jay quickly rounded the truck and turned it on, turning off the high ac to set it at a middle temperature to try and keep the fever from rising, but not get you too hot or too cold.

Jay had barely pulled out of the station before his phone started ringing. Jay answered the phone from his steering wheel, not bothering to check the caller id as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Halstead.” Jay answered.

“Jay. What’s going on? Matt’s on the phone with Burgess and…” Kelly trailed off when he heard you whimpering. “Oh sweetheart.” Kelly murmured before whispering something to Matt.

“She’s got a high fever. I’ve never seen her this bad Sev. Kim is giving Matt a list of things we will probably need. Double check that with one of the medics or call Will and get it all before you come home. I’m gonna get her home and changed into something cooler and start working on getting this fever down.” Jay said, clutching the hand you gave him to hold, silently begging for the contact.

Kelly blew out a breath as he listened to Jay and then Matt. “Okay. Alright. We will run it by Brett. I gotta go tell Boden we are leaving. We will be home in less than an hour. I promise.” Kelly said before rustling could be heard and then Matt’s voice rang through.

“Jay. Is it bad?” Matt asked, sounding calm to your fever altered mind, but Jay could hear the concern.

“It’s not good. I couldn’t tell you her exact temp, but it’s really up there Matt.” Jay answered, glancing at you and squeezing your hand. He tried to relax some when you sluggishly squeezed back.

“Alright. Kim gave me the list, but Trudy is gonna contact a guy who owes her and get the supplies ready for us to grab on the way home. We will be there in half an hour tops.” Matt said, trying to sooth Jay knowing that you had to be in rough shape for Trudy to make the offer that she did.

“Okay. We will see you then.” Jay said, turning into your neighborhood.

“We love you. See you soon.” Matt said, hanging up before Jay could reply.

Jay sighed and carefully pulled in front of your town home. When he looked over, you had your eyes closed, but tiny tear tracks were shining on your face. “Baby.” Jay sighed, wiping your burning cheeks. You opened your eyes and sobbed, catching Jay off guard. “Hang tight. Shhhh. Hang on.” Jay soothed, climbing out of the truck and quickly coming to your side when he realized you needed him and you needed him right now.

As soon as Jay opened your door and unbuckled you, you flung yourself into his arms. He knew you got emotional when you were sick and feverish, but you have never sobbed like this when you were sick with a fever. Unless you were throwing up, being as that is the one thing you fear the most, you are normally just a little misty eyed. This was definitely different.

“Alright. I gotcha. I have you. Shhhhh.” Jay soothed, rubbing your back as he walked to the front door. Luckily, he was able to balance you and unlock the door. If anyone asked how he did it, he wouldn’t be able to tell them anything other than it being sheer will power. He was not going to set you down until he got you to the bedroom.

Once inside, Jay locked up and threw his keys on the entryway table before climbing the stairs to your shared bedroom. Gently, he sat you down and kissed your forehead before beginning to help you undress. You whimpered as the chill of the house hit your skin. Normally, the temperature of your house was a little warm when you first got home, but today it felt like an ice box.

“Jay.” You whispered, shaking as chills went through your body. “C-c-cold.” You whimpered, feeling like you weren’t getting enough air as you shook to the core.

Jay sighed and kissed your forehead. “I know baby. I know. Hang on. I gotta get you into just a tshirt. Your fever is very high.” Jay explained, rubbing your forearms to help you generate some heat.

“B-but ‘m s-so c-c-cold.” You groaned. “It h-hurts.” You whimpered, looping your arms around Jay’s waist, burying your face into his stomach.

“I know it hurts sweet girl. I’m so sorry. Matt and Kelly are gonna come home with some medicine and we will fix you right up.” Jay soothed, running his hand over the top of your head and scratching your scalp just the way you liked it.

Jay held you for several minutes, not keen on letting you go before you were ready. He breathed deeply and loudly, trying to help you guide your own breathing. You were hurting and trembling to your core, which was making your anxiety go through the roof.

Eventually, Jay pulled you off of him long enough to make eye contact with you. “Baby. Look at me.” Jay soothed, rubbing the tears from your face with his thumbs. Once you made eye contact, he started again. “We gotta get you out of these clothes. Matt and Kelly should be here any minute. We just gotta get you into a tshirt and then I’ll snuggle you until they get here. Okay?” Jay asked, searching your eyes as he spoke. He hated what he saw. Fear. Pain. Exhaustion. Vulnerability. You are hardly ever this vulnerable. Vulnerability is something you guys have been working on and Jay hates that your mind isn’t giving you a choice right now.

“Kay.” You whispered, sniffling and closing your eyes to try to stop the tears.

Jay cracked a small smile at your answer. “Okay. Let’s start here since I’m already down here. Mkay?” Jay said, stating it like a question, but he was really just warning you.

You nodded to show your understanding before Jay began removing your clothes. He carefully removed your shoes and socks, rubbing your feet slightly after they were removed. Your feet were boiling and Jay was surprised you weren’t more uncomfortable. After giving you a moment, Jay started unbuckling your belt.

“Do you think you can stand or do you need to lay down so that I can get your pants off?” Jay asked, massaging your hips with his thumbs as he spoke.

“Lay down. ‘M tired.” You mumbled, eyes still closed to try and keep the tears at bay. You knew that if you looked Jay in the eyes, you would lose it.

“Okay sweetheart. Lay down for me.” Jay said, standing to help lower your body to the bed with a hand to the back of your neck. Once you were down, Jay pulled off your pants and tossed them into the basket in the corner. Then, he pulled your favorite shirt over your head after he quickly removed your shirt and bra, which happened to be one of Kelly’s CFD shirts. Just as Jay slipped the shirt over your head, you both heard the door opening and shutting as your boys came in, plastic grocery bags crinkling as they whispered to one another.

Matt came running up the stairs with a bag in hand as Jay helped you get settled against the headboard. “Hey baby girl.” Matt cooed, climbing in the bed immediately since he had kicked off his boots downstairs.

“M-matty.” You whispered, opening your arms and making the same grabby hands for Matt as you did for Jay.

Matt easily scooped you up, letting you get comfortable in his lap. Or as comfortable as you could get. “Jesus.” Matt breathed as soon as your face hit the inside of his neck.

Jay nodded from his spot next to the bed. “Yep. Got the thermometer in there?” Jay asked, reaching for the bag that Matt had brought into the bedroom.

“Yeah. It’s an ear one. Put a cover on it before you stick it in her ear.” Matt explained, rocking you back and forth in his arms. “Now, what’s going on with my Princess, hmm?” Matt cooed, lightly running a hand up and down your back.

You sniffed, trying to hide your tears. “Jus’ hurts Matty. Everything hurts.” You mumbled in his neck, not wanting to move your face away from the comfort that Matt could provide.

“Okay baby. That’s okay.” Matt soothed, rubbing a hand through your hair. “Now, once Jay has it set up, he’s just gonna stick the thermometer in your ear, okay?” Matt explained, leaning back to look at you.

You nodded and waited. Once Jay had everything ready, you made sure to stay still so that you could get it over with. You didn’t miss the sharp exhale either of your boyfriends made at the reading.

“103.4” Jay read aloud, even though he was sure Matt saw the number.

Matt nodded before securing your head into his chest, covering your ears. “Kel! It’s 103.4!” Matt yelled to your other boyfriend downstairs.

A quiet “oh fuck” could be heard before footsteps raced up the stairs. “Oh baby. Hey Angel.” Kelly cooed, coming around to get a look at you.

As soon as Kelly came into view, you started sobbing again and threw yourself out of Matt’s arms and into Kelly’s. Kelly was quick to catch you as he looked between Matt and Jay.

“Sh Sh Sh. Hey Angel. It’s alright.” Kelly soothed, holding you tightly in his arms. “God. Your shaking.” Kelly muttered, burying his face into your hair as you buried your own into his neck.

“We gotta get that fever down.” Jay said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“We brought Motrin and Tylenol like you asked. We should start with Motrin and get her into a lukewarm bath.” Matt said, standing and racing down the stairs.

“I’ll go get the bath started then.” Jay said, hating that you were this sick.

“Hey sweetheart. We are gonna make you all better, okay? Think you can take some medicine for me?” Kelly whispered, lightly rocking you to try and sooth your shaking form. He knew it had to hurt. You were strong and fiercely independent, so this had to be bad.

You nodded your head, not bothering to move from Kelly’s neck. You always found comfort in their arms, hiding your face in their neck. It was something you did when you were in need of comfort. With your face in their neck, you felt like you were safe.

Matt wasted no time in grabbing a Gatorade and your meds before running up the stairs. Kelly gently coaxed you from his neck long enough to get the meds in and for you to drink some before you were shoving your face right back into its hiding spot.

“Alright baby. Your bath is ready.” Jay said, coming up to you and Kelly as Matt placed the meds and leftover Gatorade onto the nightstand.

“Nah- uh.” You said, shaking your head. Your voice was muffled by Kelly neck, but they understood you perfectly.

Kelly tried his best to hide a chuckle at your childish behavior. Your little voice and the way you wrapped your arms tighter around his neck was just precious. Matt smirked and shook his head as he looked at Jay who looked torn. Jay didn’t want to move you if you were truly content, but your fever said otherwise. Given the reactions from your other two boyfriends, Jay know he was gonna have to be the bad cop (every pun intended).

“Yes ma’am. Come on now. We just gotta get that temp down some. It’ll make you feel better.” Jay tried to coax, taking the gentle approach first. He didn’t want to force you if he didn’t have to. When he got no response, Jay groaned and looked to his other lovers. “Come on guys. Give me a hand here.” Jay said, clearly aspirated.

Matt shook his head and held his hands up. He was NOT getting in the middle of this. He knew where this was going. He knew exactly how this was going to end.

Kelly sighed before he slowly pushed you away. “Let’s go baby. Faster we do this, faster we can cuddle.” Kelly tried to bribe you, but had to look to Jay when you immediately started sobbing.

“Okay. I know. Come on.” Jay said, taking you from Kelly. Though you knew what was coming, you immediately snuggled into Jay as his scent, always a comforting smell, invaded your senses. You whined and sobbed loudly as Jay effortlessly stripped you of your tshirt before placing you in the tub. He didn’t even bother with your panties, knowing you would probably attempt an escape as soon as your feet hit the floor. Sick or not, you were fast and Jay had learned it the hard way a few years ago.

Matt and Kelly came running in when they heard you get set into the water, immediately thrashing and trying to get out. Kelly quickly stripped to his boxers and climbed in with you, holding you to his chest.

“Shhhh. I know it seems cold. It’s just lukewarm. Your fever is really high princess. Shhhhh.” Kelly tried to soothe, wrapping both arms and legs around you.

“Relax Y/n. Breathe.” Matt cooed, scooting close to the bath tub. He took your face into his hands to try to catch your eyes. “Look. Look at me.” Once you made eye contact, Matt continued. “There we go. This is gonna help but you gotta stop fighting. Stop fighting baby. Let us help you.” Matt soothed, rubbing a hand over your head, brushing back your fly aways.

Jay stood behind Matt, waiting for you to nod before he came up and wet a new washcloth. Matt and Jay immediately started running wash clothes over your face and body, desperate to get your temperature down and get you more comfortable.

Kelly kept a strong hold on you, even as you began to force your body to settle into his. He could feel you shaking against him, but was relieved to feel the shaking slow as your fever began to respond to the medication and bath. As the shaking stopped, your head lulled back onto Kelly’s shoulder and your eyes slipped closed.

“Jay, go grab the thermometer. I think it’s starting to lower enough to take her out.” Kelly said, hand placed gently on your forehead. He then placed a kiss on your shoulder as you whimpered, pushing yourself further into his hold. “Shhhh. It’s almost over. We just gotta see where your temp is before we get out so we don’t have to start all over.” Kelly explained, pulling you as close as humanly possible.

Jay came jogging back in and quickly placed the thermometer in your ear. “101.8. I think it’s safe to get her out.” Jay said, turning to place the thermometer on the counter. He grabbed two new towels as Matt helped lift you out of the bath tub. Jay tossed one towel to Kelly as Kelly stood and dropped his boxers in the tub. With the other, Jay unfolded it and took you from Matt.

“I’m gonna go get clothes for both of you. Hang tight.” Matt said, jogging into the bedroom.

“How you doin baby?” Jay whispered, sitting down with you in his lap.

“M tired.” You whispered, snuggling into Jay. “Bed?” You asked, not even bothering to open your eyes.

Kelly chuckled as he dried off, listening to the conversation as Jay replied. “Yeah baby. We can go to bed. We gotta get you into dry clothes before we do that. Can’t have you getting any sicker.” Jay said, rubbing the towel over your body. Luckily, you already had your hair up in a bun from work earlier, so that saved them from having to try to blow dry your hair for you.

“Does anything else feel bad sweet girl?” Kelly asked, coming to kneel down next to you and Jay just as Matt came back in.

“Jus my head. Maybe my tummy a lil.” You whispered, not really feeling up to talking.

All of the boys nodded, though you couldn’t see them with your eyes closed. Matt handed Kelly his boxers and pjs before he kneeled down to help get you dressed. “Alright baby. I have some new underwear for you and Kelly’s shirt. Jay, I also have some pjs for you.” Matt said, carefully pulling your wet underwear off. Matt had quickly changed into his own pjs so that he could just grab you and climb into bed once you were ready.

Once all of you were dressed, Kelly helped you settle into Jay’s arms while Matt attempted to talk you into drinking more. You were being stubborn, not wanting to put anything else into your already quivering stomach. You were exhausted and there was no way they were going to get you to do anything else but sleep at this moment in time.

“Fine.” Matt sighed, placing the Gatorade back on the night stand.

“Matt.” Kelly warned in a low tone. You immediately curled into Jay, hiding your face and shaking even harder at Matt’s tone. He sounded disappointed and your fever idled brain crumpled under the same tone your father used to give you when you didn’t do what he wanted you to do. Kelly and Jay took immediate notice, but Matt seemed to miss the sign.

“Shit baby. No no no. Please don’t cry.” Matt said, sighing and mentally berating himself. “I’m sorry baby. It’s okay. I’m just worried is all. It’s okay.” Matt was basically pleading this time, hating that he was the reason you were sniffling in Jay’s grip.

“Why don’t we all lay down, hmm?” Jay cooed, rubbing your back and kissing your forehead. When you nodded, Kelly and Matt helped Jay scoot down in the bed with you. You laid directly on top of Jay who had forgone his sweats and only laid beneath you in his boxers. Kelly turned the ceiling fan on high while Matt turned the floor fan up as well. Once everyone was comfortable, and an alarm was set to check your temp and get more medicine in you, you all snuggled together and fell into a semi-peaceful sleep.

[fyreflys]

Prompt if you’d like it! Peeta giving his cold to Katniss on accident but since she no longer has a spleen, it turns into a more flu like illness for poor Katniss and Peeta must nurse her back to health (similar to her caring for him in the cave but ya know… #married)

Oooo this is an adorable idea! And I got another prompt that I think I can include that would work perfectly together. MERGE TIME!

Chicken Noodle Soup

(Katniss’s POV) - Love and Some Verses, Iron & Wine

Everlark period/sick-fic, just fluff fluff fluff

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get you sick.”

Is what Peeta keeps telling her. Constantly apologizing for transferring his cold. Even though Katniss didn’t even bother trying to keep her distance to avoid getting sick, so really it’s her own fault.

Katniss is pretty sure that no one ever really intentionally tries to get others sick, it’s always an accident. Happens as a result of what being sick means. And she knows Peeta didn’t do it on purpose, he couldn’t possibly have wanted to make her sick as a dog. So the fact that he keeps apologizing, as if there’s any possibility that he did do this on purpose, is beginning to make it feel like maybe he did. That, and it’s getting annoying. Very quickly.

“Peeta,” she groans, “Just- shut up.”

She doesn’t actually mean that. He’s really the only thing keeping her sane right now. She’s been bed ridden for three days now, and if her body didn’t feel like shit, there’s nothing she wouldn’t do for a hike in the woods.

“Sorry.” He whispers, dabbing the wet washcloth on her forehead.

Yesterday Peeta dragged her to the doctor, because he’s convinced she’s dying. The doctor just confirmed it’s a bad cold, made worse by the fact that Katniss no longer has a spleen to help her immune system. He gave them some medication that “might” help, and then sent them on their way.

Needless to say, Katniss was not happy. Mostly because Peeta had dragged her out of the house when she felt like shit for no apparent reason.

Peeta was angry too. Kept mumbling something about “malpractice” and the doctor being an “idiot” and then trying to convince her that they need to go to the Capital, to see a “real” doctor.

“Peeta, I’m not sure if you have forgotten, but I’m in exile. Banned, to stay here in twelve for the rest of my life. So no, we cannot go to the Capital.”

She doesn’t mention the fact that she really doesn’t want to be re-reminded of all the terrible things that they’ve seen and had happen to them; most of which happened in the Capital.

“You’re the mockingjay. If something was majorly wrong with you, they’d have to save you.”

“I don’t want to be the mockingjay, anymore.” She’d grumbled as he tucked her back into bed, “and I’ve lived through worse than this.”

He frowned. Much like he is right now, as he looks at her with those big, blue, pleading puppy dog eyes.

“What?” She rasps.

He licks his lips. “I just…I’m so sorry you’re sick.”

She swears his heart is too big for his own good.

“You know what would make me feel better?” She sighs.

He perks up. “What?”

“Cuddle.” She whispers. She’d usually reach out to grab him, but her body feels too much like lead to exert that much energy.

He smiles. “I can do that.”

He peels back the bedsheets, and Katniss shivers at what feels like freezing air. He curls in behind her, gently squeezing her close. She melts against him. The arm around her warm and comforting. Until his hand slips under her shirt and his fingers start tracing patterns on her side, and he begins to pepper kisses to her shoulders. Despite them being small and gentle touches, her nerves feel overly sensitive with how feverish she is, and each soft graze almost feels painful.

“Stop- please,” she whispers, “that- too sensitive.” She mumbles.

“Oh. Sorry.” He places one more peck to her cheek, and then leaves her be.

She falls into sleep like a rock tossed down a ravine, skipping sleep entirely and diving straight into dreams. The world feels like it’s tilting and spinning around her as she dreams. They start out as strange and uncomfortable, but somewhere along the way they get more and more unhinged, twisted visions persisting, until finally-

She startles awake suddenly, eyes snapping open as she gasps for air. The nightmare feels plastered to her eyelids.

“Peeta?” She croaks softly, heart hammering in her chest as a tear slips down her cheek.

But she’s alone. Peeta is nowhere to be seen. She forces herself to reach across the bed behind her in search of him. But he’s not there either.

Momentarily she fears he’s abandoned her, but then she realizes that’s ridiculous. She couldn’t escape him even if she wanted to.

She tries to shake the nightmare from her head. Desperately trying to imagine something else, like- Deer. Deer and squirrels, prancing through the forest. The nightmare was not real not real not real, as Peeta would say.

She takes a deep breath. Her entire body aches painfully. Specifically her lower back and her hips and- oh.

Even sick, and aching all over, she knows this feeling well.

“Damn it.” She huffs.

She supposes it was about time this happened again. She doesn’t bother keeping track. There’s no use with how irregular she is.

“Peeta.” She calls, but her voice is weak.

He doesn’t come. Where is he? She sighs. She’s going to have to do this herself, isn’t she?

She wills herself to gather any remaining energy she has to sit up. It takes a few minutes to convince herself.

I could just wait here, until he comes back-

No.

She sits up suddenly, impulsively, not giving herself a chance to talk herself out of it. Her head spins, pain pounding through her skull. She coughs, clutching her head.

When the throbbing passes she manages to will her legs to dangle over the side of the bed. And then on the count of three she stands. She’s shaky, and the air is freezing agaisnt her feverish skin, and it’s awful.

Just get to the bathroom-

She makes it a few steps towards the door. And then she stumbles. She just barely catches the doorknob. She sends the door slamming closed as she falls.

“Katniss?!” Peeta shouts from down stairs.

She rolls over onto her back, and the world feels like it’s still spinning. He comes rushing into the bedroom, crouching down when he sees her.

“Oh my god are you okay?” Hands are immediately at her head, feeling for any bumps or bleeding, “What happened? Why are you out of bed?”

He sits and sets her head in his lap, brushing hair out of her face.

“Bathroom.” She whispers. “Just. Fell.”

“You should have called for me I would have helped.”

“I did.” She breathes, and even talking is exhausting. With Peeta right above her the world finally stops spinning.

He frowns. “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. I was making pasta.”

She takes in a breath through her mouth, nose too stuffy. “Bathroom.”

“Well- I think we should take a moment. You just- what, fell trying to walk? That’s pretty concerning,” He feels her forehead, “and you’re really burning up, gosh.”

She could have told him she had a fever. It feels like it’s radiating through her bones.

“Toilet,” her tongue clicks softly in her mouth, feeling dry, “Bleeding.”

“Bleeding? What- where? Why didn’t you say you were bleeding! Oh my god-“ he starts to shuffle, pulling at her clothes to find the source.

“Period.” She groans, just about fed up with him.

“Oh.” He pauses. “Right. Okay. Let’s get that taken care of then.”

He shuffles to sit her up against the wall, and then scoops her up bridal style. He carefully sets her down by the toilet, holding on as he pulls down her sweats and underwear in one fell swoop.

And yep- there it is. A massacre in her pants.

Peeta helps her sit, making sure she’s stable enough to sit up on her own. He pulls off her sweats and underwear, turning on the sink to set them in.

“Cold,” she whispers.

“Cold? You’re cold?”

Well- yeah, she kind of is. Despite feeling like she’s burning up from the inside, the floor and the toilet seat and the air is freezing against her skin. But she’s referring to the water.

“Yeah,” she breathes, “But-water. Cold water.”

“You need cold water? I can get you water. You’re probably thirsty you’ve been asleep for like four hours.”

Okay, yes, that too. She could use a glass of water.

“Yes, but- blood. Needs cold water.”

“Oh! Yeah, okay. Cold water. Right.”

She closes her eyes, slumping on the toilet as she pees. Peeta leaves to grab stuff from the bedroom. He returns with a fresh pair of clothes. He holds a cup of water up to her lips, and she sips. It feels like heaven down her throat.

“Thanks.” She breathes.

He just pecks her forehead. “How bout I run you a short bath? Luke warm. Try to get your body temp down. And you could really use a shower.”

She groans.

“I know- I know. But it will make you feel better, I promise.”

She just grumbles. He gets to work running a bath, and then scrubs the blood out of her underwear under the sink. He struggles to get a pad into the clean pair of undies, and Katniss finally wills herself to use the little energy she does have to show him. He kisses her cheek.

“Right. Got it. Now let’s get you in.”

She complains, but doesn’t have the energy to fight against him. He pulls off her sweaty t-shirt, and picks her up and sets her down in the tub. The water feels freezing at first. She yelps, clutching at him.

“I know- I know it feels cold but I promise it will help. You’re burning up Katniss. We need to cool you down.”

She holds onto him, and he presses kisses against her head. After a few minutes it starts to feel okay. He gently pours water through her hair. He scrubs in shampoo and rinses. He gently scrubs her with a warm soapy washcloth after he pulls the drain, just under her arms and between her legs, barely batting an eye at the blood. They’ve both seen enough of it for a lifetime. He turns on the shower head to rinse her off. The water feels like freezing needles against her overly sensitive skin. By the time he gets her out and finishes toweling her off she’s pissed.

She glowers at him from the toilet as he dresses her. He ignores her scathing eyes as he sprays in conditioner and brushes her hair, fumbling to put it in a makeshift braid.

“There! See, all better!” He smiles when he’s done.

She is not amused. Yes, her body feels less like a boiling fire, but she still hurts. And despite him doing all the work, she’s exhausted. But she’s too angry and stubborn to admit it, or even consider closing her eyes for some shut eye.

He chuckles. “You’re such a sourpuss when you’re sick, you know that?”

“That was hell.” She snips.

He rolls his eyes playfully. “Yeah yeah, okay Haymitch.”

He pulls her off the toilet and pulls up her underwear and pants. He gently scoops her up.

“You want to set up camp downstairs on the couch? That way it’s easier to get my attention if you need something. Also I’m making you soup.”

She gives a grunt, and winces as the pain that radiates up and down her spine and belly.

“I’ll grab you some painkillers.” He adds on.

She would usually turn those down. But at this point she’ll take them.

He gently lays her on the couch. He runs back upstairs to grab linens. He comes back down with arms full of blankets and pillows. He drops them in a heap on the floor. He leaves again. Katniss looses track of all the things he runs off and gets, eyes slipping closed.

He takes her temperature.

He hisses, “One o’ two. Yeah. You’re definitely getting meds.” Which he shoves into her mouth very shortly afterward. He tries not to look worried, but she can tell that he is. She’s worse than she was yesterday. He forces her to take the medication the doctor gave them the day before. She doesn’t have the energy to fight him.

He tucks her in under one blanket, but gives her plenty of pillows. He sets tissues and a glass of water on the side table next to her head. He kisses her forehead.

“Anything else you need?” He says softly.

Probably. But right now she’s exhausted. And talking is too much energy. So she just hums.

“Okay. Soup should be ready in thirty minutes or so. Do you want me to wake you up or let you sleep?”

Truthfully, she wants him to curl in beside her on the couch and not leave her side. Because with him pressed against her, she has a semblance of relief.

Instead she just grunts. He pecks her forehead again, chuckling softly.

“Okay.”

And then she’s left alone. And despite being tired, she can’t seem to fall sleep. The pain is just too much. Enough that she’d toss and turn, but she doesn’t have the energy to do so. So instead she lays motionless in agony, waiting for meds to kick in.

It’s possible she does drift off. But it seems like each time her eyes open the grandfather clock by her mothers old bedroom door hasn’t moved an inch.

Finally Peeta reappears, with a steaming bowl in hands.

“Chicken noodle soup, for m’lady.” He bows, just for the dramatics.

He helps her sit up, and carefully spoons it to her lips. With how much pain shes in, the thought of food makes her nauseous. But Peeta coaxes her to eat. And she does. One small spoonful at a time. With how stuffed her nose is she can barely taste it, but what she does taste is good.

And it reminds her of the cave, in their first games. As she spoon fed him. Monitoring his leg. Trying everything she could think of to keep him alive.

Thankfully, now is nothing like that. This is peaceful, and warm, and safe.

With food in her belly she realizes how hungry she is. And she just about scarfs down the rest of the bowl, along with the hunk of bread he dips in the broth. And she feels like she has a little more energy.

“You want more?” He asks softly.

She shakes her head. She feels too full. Any more and she might puke.

“Your appetite is back. That’s a good thing.”

“I feel like I’m going to puke.” She grumbles.

“Like- actually?” He freezes, shifting as if ready to grab a bin.

“No- just- a lot of food. Nauseous from the pain.”

He frowns. “The pain meds should have kicked in already. You look better. Less pale.” He feels her forehead. “You don’t feel as hot.”

She winces. “Cramps.”

His face relaxes. “Oh.”

She closes her eyes. With a full belly she’s ready to pass out.

“What if…I tried to rub them out?” He says softly.

Her eyes flicker open lazily. “Please. And- my back- please.”

“Yeah, yeah of course.” He leans in press a kiss to her forehead.

He gently pushes her to lay down. He tugs up her shirt and pulls the waistband of her pajama pants lower.

“Where does it hurt?” He asks softly.

She slowly moves to touch, fingers almost feeling numb against her own skin as she traces just inside of her pelvic crests, and down below her belly button. His warm hands are still almost too much against her feverish skin when he reaches out. But she needs this.

He’s far too gentle.

“Harder,” she whispers, “like bread.”

He’s good at kneading bread.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you-“

“There’s no way you could make me feel worse than I already do. Please.”

And finally his palms and thumbs press in. She urges more, and more, and finally gets impatient and shifts his hands to press right there and- oh. It feels so good she actually moans.

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Oh?”

“Shut up.” She gasps.

He grins wickedly. But doesn’t comment on any more of her breathless gasps as he digs in and finally gives her relief.

“When- you’re done,” she breathes, “gonna need- bathroom.”

He pauses, “Do you have to pee? I’m literally pressing like right on your bladder-“

“No- new pad.” Because he’s quite literally kneading the blood right out of her. Which would usually be disgusting, but right now the relief feels too good for her to care.

“Oh. Okay.” And he keeps going.

She nearly falls asleep with his hands on her stomach. She still hurts, and the pain still radiates through her bones, but the stretch of her cramping muscles is almost heavenly. She closes her eyes, and Peeta presses kisses to her shoulders, trailing down to her stomach. He rubs softly after he pulls back, hands sliding over her hips.

“You want me to do your back?” He asks softly.

She hums. He helps flip her over. His hands and fingers roam over her skin, pressing and pulling all the way up her spine and between her shoulders. She practically melts into the couch as he soothes her aches. His lips ghost over her skin in subtle kisses, and she never wants it to end.

Eventually he pulls away, tugging her shirt back down.

“Bathroom?” He asks.

She grumbles. “Don’t wanna move.”

He hums. He forces her off the couch anyways, and drags her to the bathroom. She changes things herself, and then he helps her back to the couch.

“I’m gonna eat and then we can snuggle. If you want. I can turn on the TV.”

She just grunts. He turns on the screen above their fireplace mantle, and flips through channels. He lands on a show they’ve binge watched over the years, and then leaves for the kitchen. She zones out the sounds and clatter that he makes. Finally he sits down by her feet with a bowl of soup, and her eyelids feel heavy. She drifts halfway between awake and asleep, until he curls up with her. He presses a kiss to her temple.

“Thank you.” She whispers. He’s done more than enough for her. And she knows he’d do everything if he had to. And she is thankful.

“Of course.” He breathes. And pecks her lips.

She smiles, and uses the little energy she does have to snake an arm around him and hold him close. Their foreheads knock together.

“I love you.” He breathes softly.

She hums, “Love you too.”

[yourlastbraincell-kiwi]

Holding Out Hope.

Pairing: Newt x Fem!Reader

A/N: This takes place in the third movie, and the reader finds out, what potentially could happen to Newt.

“What, you’re afraid your little girlfriends gonna get hurt?” He stated rather then asked Thomas. “Hm? Because this has never been just about rescuing Minho. Has it?”

What is going on?

“Wait, what are you talking about?” Thomas asked, with genuine confusion plastered on his face. “Teresa. She’s the only reason that Minho’s even missing in the first place.” Newt said, getting closer, and Thomas took cautious steps back, til he was almost up against the wall. “Now we finally have an opportunity to get him back. And what? You don’t want to because of her? Because deep down inside you still care about her, don’t you? Just admit it.”

Newt, what has gotten into you?

“Newt, I…” Thomas tried to reply, but Newt forced his back against the wall. “Don’t lie to me!” He exclaimed, and my heart starts pounding in my chest. And by the looks of Brenda, I’m not the only one whose frightened. “Don’t lie to me!”

“Newt!” I slowly move over to him trying to call him over, but he ignored me, sending death glares at Thomas. I move in close enough to put a hand on his shoulder. “Newt..”

“Don’t you dare touch me!” He exclaimed, letting go of Thomas, and points at me. If my heart wasn’t beating fast before, it sure was now. “You’re always so damn touchy. Leave me the hell alone!” He said, as I completely backed off and looked at the floor.

I don’t know what the reason was for his sudden outburst, but all it did was make me want to cave into myself, and just disappear. Him just now registering what he just said, he apologized to the both of us, and everyone in the room.

I nod, “It’s okay.” I said, really trying to convince myself, rather then I was him. It still didn’t stop the thoughts from flooding into my brain.

Was I being too clingy and touchy? Has he been keeping that too himself, all this time? Was he putting up with it, just so he didn’t hurt my feelings?

I was an over-thinker, always thinking about stuff, I did right or wrong. All the things, I could have done better or what I could have done instead, I was always like that, even before the Glade.

I also had a tendency to forget about my surroundings and the outside world, when I was nose deep in a good book, but I’m not reading and I sure as hell wasn’t born yesterday.

He’s infected.

I’ve know Newt for a little over a year now, so I’d be damned if I didn’t know him like I know my own name. He would never just yell at someone like that. And I know that once you’re infected, it makes you do things of that nature. As much I didn’t want to believe it, Newt was probably infected, and we aren’t doing a damn thing about it at the moment.

I was too busy, bouncing those thoughts in my head, to even notice he had left the room, and Thomas came up to me. “I’ll talk to him.” I nod, and as he turned to leave I stop him. “Thomas?” He turns, saying nothing, but that didn’t stop me from telling him. “Be gentle.” He looked down at ground for a little, before meeting my eyes again, sent a curt nod my way.

Whilst Thomas was talking with Newt, he found out that he had been infected, hence the reason as to why he had yelled at the two. “I’ll go tell (Y/N)..”

“Don’t. Don’t tell her. I have to be one to tell her.” He said, Thomas didn’t respond, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t listening. “I don’t know how. I don’t know when. But I will.”

He didn’t want to tell her, cause he knew how she’d react. After a year together in the Glade, for most of the time spent there they were friends, until Newt asked her out one day. He knew her like this back of his hand.

He knew, that’d she be both scared for him, and mad at him.

Scared, due to the fact that she was going to lose, not just her partner, but someone she called one of her best friends. Mad at him because he didn’t tell her sooner, and that they’re wasting time, when they should be getting him the cure. If there even was one.

I let out a sigh, that came out shakier then intended, but I still held my head up going over to ask Gal, “Where did they go?” He says they went up to the roof, and I immediately trudge all the way up there. I know for damn sure, I’m not, going to sit here and wait for Newt to turn, right in front of me.

Fuck. That.

“Newt!” I exclaimed, as they exchanged looks, and Newt mumbled a curse under his breath, they stood up turning to face me. I stalk over to him, examining his face and chest to see any signs that could confirm my suspicions.

“(Y/N), please..” He tried to move my hands away from him. I scoff, “Please’ my ass, where is it?” Yanking my hands from his, going to back look. “Love, just stop.”

I ignore him and don’t stop looking, as tears brimmed my eye lids, I tried blinking them away, but they only blurred my vision. “Babe!”

“Just show me!” I exclaimed, unable to hide the fact that, I was seconds away from bawling my eyes out. He sighs and pulls up his sleeve, revealing the purple veins, on his right arm.

I backed away, my bottom lip quivered as I placed my hands over my mouth.

I felt like screaming. Kicking something, breaking something, throwing something all at the same time.

“(Y/N)..” He reached out, gently grab one my hands, and I place the hand that I left on my face over my entire mouth. “I knew it. I fucking knew it.” I mumbled into my hand.

“Listen to me, love.”

“I hoped. I hoped!” I said, as a cry got caught in my throat, and Newt brought me into a hug. “Listen to me, don’t worry about me.”

“I can’t help, but worry about you, in this shit world we live in.”

“I know, but you have to try, okay? We’ll find the cure. And I’ll be okay.”

“But- But what if?” I was going to saying, but Newt quickly put a stop to those negative thoughts. “Don’t even think about that, you hear me? We will get that cure. And I. Will. Be. Fine.” He said and I nod, and leans down kissing the top of my head, looking over at Thomas, with a look of uncertainty.

But (Y/N) didn’t need to know that.

[chezzywezzy]

Yandere Eddie Munson (4/13)

Word count ; 4.2k

*Edited.

We eventually made it home. It was almost like he knew where my room was, but after a long, playful argument about how it was creepy he never mentioned knowing my address before, he defended himself by reminding me it would be weird to show up just to see me. I told him to wait by my bedroom window since the house itself was one story and very small.

I walked up to the front door and opened it. I was quiet, hearing the television run advertisements. The household was dark and silent except for that, and I realized mom was sleeping in her chair beside the door. I held my breath and didn’t bother taking off my shoes. I instead snuck past her, successfully leaving her undisturbed.

The entire house was dark, but once I entered my room, I shut the door behind me. I exhaled sharply, but I jumped when loud knocks came from the glass. Eddie was tilting his head and waving wildly. He stared at my expectantly and impatiently. He kept pointing at the window.

I rolled my eyes and smiled slightly. I sent him a middle finger as I went over to my beside table and flicked on the lamp. I stood in front of the window tauntingly and sent him a grin.

He pouted before clasping his hands together pleadingly. I playfully reached toward the lock above it before withdrawing my hand.

He grinned, and it was like he had a ‘eureka’ moment. He suddenly cupped his hands together, and while maintaining eye contact, made damn well I could see him licking it obscenely.

I scrunched my nose in disgust and felt my face darken. I caved, flicking it open and lifting it. The moment I raised it, though, he clambered inside awkwardly. He was laughing loudly and I was quick to panic.

“Shut up! My mom will hear you,” I hissed. “And fuck you. You’re so gross.”

“You’re the one who was quick to let me in when I did it,” he argued with a wink.

I shut the window, my heart beating erratically in my chest. I locked it again and sat on my bed, watching as Eddie pulled himself to his feet. Immediately, though, the atmosphere shifted into something sad and demure. He noticed my frown as my gaze flitted around why bedroom and he sat next to me.

“Heh,” he started, clearly trying to lighten the mood. “This isn’t the first time I’ve been in your room, you know.” I opened my mouth but he held up his hand. “Wait, wait. But not in, like, a, uh creepy way. Just when I’ve been over and Dustin steals something from your room and, uh, I’m obliged to follow.”

“I’m sure,” I hummed in vague amusement.

Silence fell over us and it was clear we were still digesting the events of tonight. Not even a few hours ago, my only concern was Eddie Munson and my brother being pricks about my boyfriend. And now… I was witnessing supernatural events unlike any other.

I suddenly sighed and stood up. “Just… come with me. We need to, like, get cleaned off.”

“What? At the same time? Not that I don’t mind —“

“I mean our faces, moron,” I groaned playfully. “And god, who knows how long it’ll be before you can actually brush your teeth again. For all we know, the police could be hunting us down starting tomorrow.”

Eddie sighed, trailing behind me. I opened the door quietly, and it only let out a soft squeak. My mom was still fast asleep, quiet snores emitting from the living room. She must’ve woken up momentarily to turn off the telly. Luckily, the bathroom was adjacent to my room, so we slid inside with ease even though it wasn’t the largest.

The moment the door shut, I let out a sigh of relief. Mom was always very picky about people. She didn’t approve of Chance entirely, too, even though we’d been together for about two years. I would rather go to prison than face her wrath.

Eddie immediately started going through the cabinet. He looked over every bottle, and it was clear he was just snooping, because his expression betrayed that he didn’t have anything in mind.

He grabbed at one of mom’s medicine bottles in intrigue while I just stared at him and crossed my arms. He felt my stare and paused, sending me a grin.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Are you always this prone to snooping?”

“Only if something, uh, interests me,” he answered instantly, getting the hint. He set the bottle back and closed the cabinet. He rubbed his hands together, and I took the chance to get my toothbrush ready.

While I was doing so, he washed the grime off of his face. Underneath all that dirt was a very good-looking man, despite the dark under-eyes. He even took the liberty of washing off his neck and general upper chest at the expense of soaking his shirt a little.

I nudged him, indicating for him to let me spit. He was almost startled and did so. After that, I did the rest of my night routine. If it wasn’t for Eddie Munson being in here with me, I almost would’ve forgotten what had happened and thought of this as any other night.

A yawn escaped my throat and Eddie was staring expectantly. “I’m surprised you can sleep after what happened,” he mused. “I don’t think I’ll get a wink in.”

I hummed,” Well, you can at least try. Otherwise, although our interests differ, I’m sure you could find something to occupy yourself with.”

“Such as?”

“Listen, I don’t know off the top of my head. Let’s just… come on.”

I grabbed his wrist and flicked off the bathroom light. We reentered my bedroom, my mom’s snores echoing through the entire house. I locked the door behind me, even if that wasn’t normal. I just couldn’t risk Dustin waking me up at an ungodly hour and finding Eddie Munson in my bedroom.

Eddie didn’t wait a second before snooping again. My room was average. The bed was twin-sized and was in the center, with one cutely decorated bedside table. I had a dresser against the wall next to it, and the mirror had polaroids tacked onto it. There was a jewelry box and my clothes were neatly tucked inside the actual dresser. I had some fluffy pink and purple carpets and some trophies on my bookshelf and study desk from cheerleading. My closet was shut, but when Eddie skimmed through it, he found the various dresses I had. He pawed at them with interest.

His eyes immediately returned to the dresser, though. He skipped over and I only watched as he glanced over the dresser. He giggled gleefully as he scanned the various photos.

And then my mind went blank as he let out a quiet ‘oh?’.

“What?” I asked in confusion.

“When did you take this?”

I hopped off the bed and walked until I was beside him. What I came face to face with horrified me. In the corner of my mirror, almost overlapped by a photo of Chance eating a burger, was a blurry polaroid of Eddie Munson, leaning against his locker while talking to a friend. 

I clearly took it in the hallway, and since he was rather short, I knew it had to have been taken during my sophomore year. It was when…

“That, uh, was from sophomore year,” I stuttered. “I was trying out for the photography club.”

“You, uh, hung it up.”

“It must’ve been from years ago. Don’t read too much into it. I don’t like throwing things away.”

Eddie grinned, maintaining a twinkle of disbelief in his auburn orbs. I nudged him aside and opened the drawer, pulling out my fluffy animal onesie.

“Adorable,” he hummed, still watching me. 

“Is that sarcasm?” 

“Not at all, sweetheart. I swear, I’m a genuine guy.”

“Tell that to your guitar,” I quipped. “How would she feel if she found out about us?”

“I didn’t realize there was an ‘us’.”

“There isn’t, but you wish there was.”

“Touché.”

I turned around, staring expectantly. I tilted my head and motioned to the pajamas. We stood there in silence for a moment. 

“Oh! Uh, yeah. Right. Sorry.”

He went as sat on the bed, back turned to me. My eyes were glued to his figure as I slipped off my skirt and pulled the onesie onto my bodice. I plucked off the upper half afterwards and enveloped my body inside the pajamas. 

I stretched my arms before walking over to the closet. I pulled out a blanket from the top shelf and dumped it onto the floor by the bed. Eddie kicked off his shoes and I grabbed a pillow from the bed. 

Eddie took it from me, though, and I quirked a brow. I watched as he sat down on the carpeted floor and stretched, feigning an obnoxious yawn.

“Hey, that’s where I’m sleeping,” I complained, stomping my foot slightly.

“I am a gentleman,” he mused. “The only reason I’d sleep in your bed is if it was with you.”

“Uh-huh. Sure. That’s enough for tonight.”

I flopped onto the bed and flicked off the switch. The moment darkness fell over the room, a bout of sleepiness washed over me and I only grumbled in annoyance when he exclaimed a boisterous ‘good night.’ We fell silent, though, and as I drifted off into nightmare land, all I could think about was Chrissy.

~~~

“Good night!” Eddie exclaimed with full knowledge that Y/n was more than ready to pass out.

His eyes adjusted slowly to the surroundings and he lay on his back. There wasn’t an ounce of tiredness in his body, so instead, he looked at the cute star and moon stickers on rather bland, cream-colored ceiling. Eddie heard Y/n’s breaths even out, but even so, his erratically beating heart wouldn’t quiet down.

He felt terrible about what happened to Chrissy. Truly, he did, because she was his potential friend and she meant a lot to Y/n. But, even so, as he glanced over toward the towering bed, he almost felt grateful. It was stupid to think that way, seeing as someone died in his own home, but here he was in Y/n’s room. And she was letting him be.

He’d been in her room before - and not just because of Dustin -, but to have permission, to feel her doting eyes on him as he explored, it was heaven to him. To be right beside her as she slept was heaven. So, if anything, at least there was one ray of positivity in his life.

And then he thought back to the polaroid she had of him. How embarrassed she became. Eddie knew everything about her. Everything from her favorite song to her first semester schedule. And he was almost certain that she never had an interest in professional photography or the club concerning it.

He remembered the day he realized he was in love with her vividly. They were vague friends during eighth grade and he’ll admit that he had a small crush on her. He thought it was cool how flexible and athletic she was, because he could never. And, despite her popular status, she was sweet and kind and never once stole his lunch money.

It was the first day of high school. He’d been so very determined to start a DND club, even though he anticipated the ridicule. He noticed her out of the corner of her eye. She’d grown during the summer and was even a few inches taller than him. However, he ignored her. They weren’t that close.

Then, as he attempted to peg the poster onto the student billboard, Chance and Jason sauntered right up to him and slapped it out of his hand. That was when the rumors of him being a cult leader started to emerge. Because of Chance and Jason.

But Y/n, being the gentle soul that you were, walked right up to them and slapped each classmate upside the head. Y/n looked furious as she scolded them, and even a crowd started to form. They were scared shitless and were begging for forgiveness, and she even fired them to peg the poster up themselves.

It was like she glowed in Eddie’s eyes. So perfect and kind and gorgeous. Someone that, even if she didn’t know it to this day, was destined to be with him. His friends thought he was weird and kind of creepy with how obsessed he was, but he was but a man in love. He kept his feelings hidden until late sophomore year, where he invited Y/n to the dance only to be shot down because she had a boyfriend.

And it was Chance.

And yet, his heart didn’t break. It only made him more convinced to win her heart. Y/n was perfect for him because opposites truly did attract. His friends constantly thought he was stupid for being so earnest, though. 

She didn’t even play DND or know anything about it.

She preferred cute and lovey-dovey songs to rock.

She was an athlete and Eddie could barely pick up a dodgeball properly.

She was loved and adored, and Eddie was feared and hated.

What wasn’t to fall in love with? Eddie was obsessed with everything about her. When he thought about his future, all he knew was that she was a part of it.

He was suddenly awoken from his stupor by a loud snore. He tensed, but realized as the snoring continued, that Y/n was fast asleep. He couldn’t help but sit up, slowly, as to not disturb her. Maybe his friends were right and he was a little creepy and obsessed, but he was a man possessed.

As Y/n’s bundled up form came into view, completely swallowed by her blankets, Eddie’s heart only beat faster. It was so hard to focus on the tragedy that happened not even two hours ago when she looked so cute. He couldn’t help but get on his hands and knees and scoot up to the mattress, eyes glued to her figure. The only thing visible was a tuft of hair that shrouded all but her cheek. She was curled on her side, snoring quietly.

Eddie would never admit it, but one night, he snuck into her room and recorded it. He used to go to bed to his favorite bands, but now he went to sleep to the sound of her. It made him feel like he was beside her. And now, he really was.

His hand, trembling with anticipation, reached to her face. She was so close that he could touch her. His fingers ghosted over her warm flesh bathing in the moonlight. If he reached out just a bit further, he could feel her.

But, he didn’t. Instead, he pulled away, biting his lips.

He’d never admit it, but he was always shaking in his boots around her. Whenever she was in the room, he became dazed. He seemed confident, but that wasn’t real. He wouldn’t truly be confident until she became his.

Eddie shakily rose to his feet, only then realizing that he’d held his breath. And, as captivating as the woman before him was, his eyes flitted back to her dresser.

He was still having a hard time keeping calm when she willingly kept a photo of him that she took on her dresser mirror.

He walked over, his bare feet sinking into the carpet. He stopped in front of the dresser, eyes scanning over the various images. There was a corner for her boyfriend on the right top and his photo was buried underneath. However, in the few photos she had of herself, she looked so adorable. She had such an infectious smile.

There were some large and official ones, like the school yearbook photos of the cheerleader team with each passing year. He already had those at home, stowed in a box. She were her school pictures. He never thought people were capable of taking good school photos, but Y/n proved Eddie wrong.

There was a corner dedicated to Chrissy, too. His heart fell and he felt bad for being so self-absorbed right then. For trying so hard to make light of her death. Whatever was going on was supernatural and he worried for them. Was it a disease? Was it contagious?

All of his thoughts silenced, though, when his eyes drifted over to the most perfect photo of all. It was a small polaroid, clearly taken by her. She was in her cheerleader garb. He could tell from the white hoodie around her neck. She had her hair done up and she was lying back on her bed and was doing a peace sign while winking charismatically. 

He couldn't help it. Before he could stop himself, he removed the pin holding it there and and slipped the picture into his jean’s back pocket. It felt so right in his own hands. Eddie knew it was taken recently because he never noticed it the last time he was here.

He pressed a hand to his beating heart, his rings clacking quietly against one another. If Max had seen them… they’d have to go somewhere else tomorrow, and the only place that seemed safe was Rick’s. The man was constantly in hiding in another house, so he’d never know Eddie was there in the first place. 

Yeah. That sounded alright.

Eddie went back to the makeshift bed. He let his body fall back onto the floor, once again staring at the ceiling. 

And it was like Y/n was magical. Somehow, he managed to drift off to sleep to her obnoxious snoring.

~~~

Bang bang bang!

I shot up, and Eddie reacted just the same. I gasped and tossed the comforter off me. I tripped on Eddie’s panicked body, falling right into the wall. Someone was knocking on my bedroom door very loudly, and I could only hope it wasn’t the police. I use the wall for support. 

“Fuck,” Eddie hissed, voice deeper than usual.

I motioned at the things on the floor. He crawled off and started pushing the blanket and pillow underneath the bed. He kept cursing under his breath while I began fiddling with the lock on the doorknob.

“Y/n? Are you in there?”

I sighed in relief the moment I recognized Dustin’s voice. My panic subdued and I unlocked it. By then, the blankets had mostly been stuffed underneath and Eddie clambered over to the closet, shoving himself in. The door shut with a bang, leading to the knocks resuming.

I swung the door open. I clearly looked distressed. My hair was a mess and I was panting slightly. I came face to face with Dustin, standing there in his pajamas and holding two pop tarts. He was munching o one, but the moment I opened the door, he outstretched the other toward me.

“Uh… good morning?” he greeted in confusion. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, uh, I was just getting dressed.”

“…Oh.” He shook the pop tart, indicating me to take it. I did, although I quirked a brow. Dustin never brought nor made me breakfast. He noticed my confusion, clearing his throat. “I, uh, I’m sorry about yesterday, I guess. Like, you know if…” He suddenly squinted, pushing past me into my room.

“If?” I challenged, shutting the door behind him.

“If mom found out… like, she’d totally agree with me! She’d, like, make you see a doctor, or something. Suzy told me that when people go through trauma, they don’t really know it, and —“

“Chance hasn’t traumatized me, Dusty,” I sighed, ruffling his hair. 

“I’m not talking about Chance, sis.”

I was already frowning, but just from the implication, my frown deepened. I took an obnoxious bite out of the pop tart. An awkward silence fell between us. Dustin was staring at me with guilty and pleading eyes while I tried my best to feign disinterest.

“Uh, sis, why were you really at our campaign last night?”

His words were more deafening from the previous silence. I couldn’t help but sputter. Dustin was a smart kid. I wasn’t sure what to tell him. With each unintelligible stutter I gave, he only raised his eyebrow further.

“I’m kinda sworn to secrecy, little bro.”

His face fell, but he knew not to pry. He rubbed the back of his neck and stepped toward the door again. “Oh, okay. And, uh, sorry again.”

He left, shutting the door behind him. The moment it closed though, I let out a loud groan, only muffled by hand. The closet door slid open, and I jumped forgetting that Eddie was there in the first place. He cleared his throat and his mystic eyes were asking questions I didn’t and wouldn’t answer.

I let out another groan, handing the pop tart over to him. He slowly took it, and we maintained a daring eye contact. I dared him to ask what was on his mind and he dared e to be honest.I kept my lips sealed, though.

“What was Dustin, uh, talking about, sweetheart?”

I gulped. We were but a few feet apart, and his eyes bore into mine expectantly. I took a step back, expecting him to realize he wouldn’t get an answer. But, instead, he took a step closer. He had a coy grin as he kept backing me up against the wall.

“That’s not important,” I tittered, feeling my heart kickstart. I could try as I might, but the close proximity made me… uncomfortable.

He tilted his head, eyeing me up and down in amusement. I curled my nails against the wallpaper, arching my back to meet him. He was so tall in this moment. So cooky and confident. Perhaps he was attempting to be intimidating, but his dark orb pooled with warmth and he was still smiling. The only indication that he was serious was the crinkling of his eye creases and how his actions were so cat-like.

“It is to me, sweetheart.”

I opened and then closed my mouth again. I had no doubt that I was blushing, especially when he tased his arms to cage me against the wall. I raised my arms to his chest, gently pushing. I felt bad for how I was reacting to the man. I had a good boyfriend and I couldn’t allow him to be this close in good conscious —

“What the fuck! Get away from her, you murderous freak!”

I screamed out of shock, and I heard the house outside of my room start to stir out of surprise from the commotion. However, Eddie pulled away, fear washing over his expression. I could finally see that, holding a rock and ready to burst it open, was Chance. 

I squealed as he brought the rock crashing into the window. The glass shattered and Chance reached in, red in the face with anger and fright. Eddie let out a girlish squeal, grabbing my upper arm and retreating further into the bedroom. 

“Chance!" I called furiously as he thrust the window open, sliding through with ease. 

He interpreted that as terror, and as he continued to hold onto the rock, he met my gaze. “It’s okay, babe, I - I’ll save you from that freak! H - he killed Chrissy and —“

“I don’t know what you’re on, man, I didn’t kill her!” Eddie exclaimed.

“Let go of my girlfriend, you psycho!” 

The bedroom door burst open, and there was Dustin. Mom must’ve left for work, but Dustin looked horrified. Confusion swirled in his eyes, and his shouts and questions left unanswered.

Chance suddenly chucked the rock at Eddie. He screamed again and ducked, releasing my wrist. However, the rock still collided with the dresser mirror and it shattered. I couldn’t help but scream again as the shards shot out across the bedroom one of them even slicing my cheek. I crouched to the ground.

Eddie let out an aggravated - but still afraid - battle cry. He managed to avoid most of the glass thanks to his thick clothes, and he grabbed the rock. Chance looked almost regretful, trying to scoot in my direction. He beckoned me over, but as a natural reaction I shrank away.

Eddie picked up the rock, gritting his teeth. He used what strength he could and hauled it at the man. Chance scoffed and dodged with ease but clearly Eddie wasn’t planning on aiming correctly. He then tackled the man to the ground, causing his head to slam into the wall. 

“Eddie! No!” I cried, still paralyzed in place.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

His Dark Materials Season 3 - Full Season Thoughts

When I say that I’ve been waiting for this not just for two years since S2 but also for 15-ish years since I read the book, I truly am not exaggerated, I just know that I’m going to be a MESS and bawling at the end of it.

Warning: not only for spoilers under the cut but also because I’m fangirling AND screaming a lot about this series so… yep! Be prepared!

Episode 1: The Enchanted Sleeper

I HAVE MISSED THIS SHOW SO FUCKING MUCH

AMBER SPYGLASS ADAPTATION HERE WE GO 10 YEAR OLD ME IS CRYING SCREAMING SHAKING THROWING UP

Will looking for Lyra 😭❤️

The fact that in her dream-state, the first thing Lyra asked for was Pan, and me knowing what’s coming??? Oh, this season will truly break my damn heart-

ROGER ROGER ROGER 😭😭😭😭

THE TITLE CREDITS CHANGED AND I SAW THE LAND OF THE DEAD AND HARPIES AND ALSO THE MULEFA ASDFGHJKL

DADDY ASRIEL BELACQUA IS BACK ASDFGHJKL

Stelmaria is so bloody beautiful, oh my god, Asriel truly has such a beautiful dæmon

THE GALLIVESPIANS ASDFGHJKL HOLY FUCK EVERYONE ITS ALL COMING TOGETHER

Am admittedly a little disappointed they’re not riding dragonflies or anything

ASRIEL IS WAGING HIS WAR IT’S HAPPENING

I’m so ridiculous, I fangirled seeing Ama because I was like “I REMEMBER HER FROM THE BOOK”

The BSL between Mrs Coulter and Ama omg I was not expecting that but I was literally captivated the entire time they were on-screen, 11/10 choice

Pan weakly asking Mrs Coulter to let them go 😭 also hi Kit Connor, I keep forgetting you’re the voice of Pan in this series

Why is Father Gomez… hot tho 💀

THE GAY ANGELS KISSED THIS IS GOD TIER FUCKING CONTENT GOD FUCKING BLEEEESSSSS

Baruch and Balthamos, yet another reason my heart is going to fucking shatter tonight

Ogunwe’s eldest daughter being “soulless” and Asriel explaining it by explaining his and Stelmaria’s bond and saying what happened to the girl is the same as cutting his dæmon/soul away 😭

Lyra managing to escape but she’s so weak that she didn’t get far and Marisa caught her 😔

The mother-daughter dynamic is so interesting in such a messed up way, like Marisa truly thinks what she’s doing is right and will protect Lyra but also her method of keeping her daughter safe is to drug her and keep her asleep in a cave/hideaway somewhere, truly unstable and unhealthy parenting techniques here

Ama saw her chloroforming Lyra oh my god 😦

IOREK LOOKING FOR LYRA OH MY GOD 😭 HE LOVES HER SO MUCH I LOVE ONE BEAR DAD AND HIS HUMAN DAUGHTER

Will really sliced Iorek’s helmet like it was butter, no wonder Iorek was like “nope I’m not fighting I can’t fight a knife that does that to my armour”

Not Father Gomez sniffing Mrs Coulter’s (?) dress 💀

Oh no no no not the spy fly things being sent after Mrs Coulter, Jesus H-

Marisa telling the monkey to leave her alone and he just doesn’t??? Like he wants to try and comfort her but doesn’t know how, and he doesn’t say anything but she knows what he’s thinking??? Their dynamic is so messed up, I love it

“Welcome to the Republic of Heaven, Commander” CHILLS LITERAL CHILLS

They ended the episode with an “in memory of” for Helen McCrory (the voice of Stelmaria in S1&2) and I nearly started bawling oh my god

Episode 2: The Break

“Nearly 400 years with Baruch must have mellowed me” - OH MY GOD T H E M

“We feel as one, though we are two” - THEY ARE SO…?!? THIS IS BEAUTIFUL ASDFGHJKL

“And you’ll find a way to protect the one you love” - 😭😭😭

SPYFLY?!

I know it’s been three years since the end of S1 aired and obviously the young actors grow fast, but damn is Roger’s voice deeper than when he died

“They’re hurting me” - NOOOOOOOOOO

“Just tell me where you are and I’ll find you!” “... The Land of the Dead” - FUCK ME

Lyra screaming for Roger like that, I feel so sick

Pan’s little ermine noises are so cute omg

“Where did you go? I... I couldn’t follow you there.” (Pan to Lyra) - NOT THE FORESHADOWING, JUST RUN ME THROUGH WITH A KNIFE AT THIS POINT, IT WOULD FUCKING HURT LESS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

QUEEN RUTA SKADI AAAAAAHHHHH

“It would take more than a little crash to put an end to the pair of us” - I swear to fucking god, if this is more foreshadowing-

(it’s been a few years since I read TAS, okay, give me a break if I’ve forgotten anything)

AAAHHHH MARY MALONE I MISSED YOU

Wait did she just walk into Ogunwe’s camp???

“Something happened here a few days ago and now they’re everywhere” - WHAT ARE??? IS IT THE BUZZING???

The way I tensed up seeing Marisa approach Ama jesus christ i do NOT trust that woman

Also Ama’s outfit reminded me of Lyra’s Jordan College outfit from the film, like the red pinafore and blue dress underneath I mean

ROKE??? AND HE MENTIONED LADY SALMAKIA AAAAHHHHHHH

“When is Lyra not in danger?” - LMFAO true though

“You dismiss Lyra too easily” - Exactly, thank you Stelmaria! Was not expecting her to come through for Lyra but I’m pleased!

“Eve was the Mother of Creation, Lyra is simply the creation of Marisa and I. She is not Eve, she’s a little girl” - OOF

“She must have some information they need or some skill we’ve overlooked.” “Other than being able to read the Alethiometer, she has very little, I’m afraid... other than a nose for trouble” - DAMN ALRIGHT CHILL ASRIEL

The way that Stelmaria snarled so angrily at him talking about Lyra like that oh my GOD

“What??? What would you like me to say?” “The truth.” - FUCK YEAH, Stelmaria, call out your human like that!

“There are angels above the camp” - OOH SHIT

“What are they doing?” “They’re fighting” - OH FUCK WAIT I THINK I REMEMBER THIS NO-

I AM NOT READY TO LOSE BARUCH YET NO NO NO NO FU-

“He’s leaving us” — NO FUCK OFF FUCK OFF I FUCKING CANT DO THIS TODAY-

“My Balthamos” - IM NEVER GOING TO RECOVER FROM THIS, NEVER, THIS IS TOO PAINFUL

HIS LAST WORD WAS “BALTHAMOS” I AM GOING TO SCREAM

Yes we got gay angels kissing but at what cOST 😭😭😭😭😭😭

BALTHAMOS FEELING IT WHEN BARUCH DIES ASDFGHJKL NO I CANNOT COPE, IM GONNA BE SICK, THIS IS SICK, PHILIP PULLMAN IM HIDING UNDER YOUR BED

“This is your fault… you forced me to come here! I wanted us to stay together, I wanted to go with him! They’ve killed him!” - literally STAB ME, it would hurt FAR less 😭

Father Gomez is so hot but he has a spider dæmon so it’s a hard no from me 🙈

“I once killed an innocent young boy in order to harness it (Dust)” - yeah, and we still haven’t FUCKIN forgiven you 

Not Asriel straight up torturing Alarbus in his Dust experimenting chamber :l though he DID kill Baruch so...

“You think you’re significant - He does not even know your name” - DAMN, what a sick burn

“We have a life in the resistance; we can read, write, learn... all those things are forbidden by the temple, especially for-” “Girls.” - oh damn. It’s obvious that this is a commentary on teachings by the church or whatever, especially how it used to be in the past. (My brain is tired so I can’t do full analysis, but I’m sure other people out there will do it better than me)

The girls wanting Mary to stay “to rest” and then asking her about why she’s looking for the girl while pouring her a drink... feels very ominous to me and I hope I’m wrong

(Spoiler alert: I was wrong)

The Magisterium straight up sending out a death squad to kill Lyra, Jesus Christ it’s almost hilarious how far gone they are that they can’t see why killing a teenage girl is wrong, like mother of sin or not, that is still a teenage girl

Will to Iorek: You attract too much attention - YOU DON’T SAY LMAO HE’S LITERALLY AN ARMOURED BEAR

Of course Balthamos knows sign language, that literally makes so much sense because he’s an angel so of course he’d know literally every language in history - and so of course he appears and translates because she can’t hear Will and he doesn’t sign. I love it

I know only a small amount of BSL but I felt so happy when I was able to read Balthamos signing “W-I-L-L” and Ama finger-signing her own name

“But no mother could possibly be this cruel.” “This mother would.” - DAAAAAAAMN

She’s growing sunroot, which is a waking medicine oh my gOD I love Ama, she is truly an icon in her own right even though she’s only in two episodes

Will smiling a little when he sees Lyra sleeping :’)

THE WAY I JUMPED AT MARISA’S VOICE OMG

“I always suspected that you were coming, but I didn’t think you’d be the first” - oh my god, she KNEW Will would come sooner or later, she knows how much he cares for Lyra

Her offering him tea and my first thought being “do NOT drink anything she gives you, do NOT do it”

“I’m keeping her here because I’m her mother, and I love her” - BITCH, you’re straight up drugging her, mother or not you are NOT showing your love in a healthy way

See, I get that she says she’s trying to keep Lyra safe because she knows the Magisterium want her dead, but like... drugging her? Keeping her there against her will? Ma’am, please-

“Because she hates me, Will, and if I woke her she’d run” - damn I’m not surprised, you’ve not exactly been the most loving of mothers at this point

“Wouldn’t your mother do the same for you? A child needs their mother. You understand that, Will. You need your mother” - oh NO, no, no, do NOT bring up Mrs Perry!!!

“And here’s the trick they never tell you: your mother needs you” - oh she’s a goddamn SNAKE

“You promise that you’re keeping her safe? That you’ll carry on keeping her safe?” - Will, nOOO do NOT leave her there

Oh, she nearly CRAPPED herself when he mentioned going to Asriel

“I have seen them together; where one goes, the other follows” - literally everyone else notices it, they’re really not subtle

“You would use your own daughter as a trap?” - yeah, no, that really doesn’t shock me at this point, the man has no fuckin morals anymore

Oh okay PHEW, Will actually has a plan and isn’t just blindly trusting Marisa, I’m resting a little easier now

“I’m counting my steps - we’ll return by them in another world” - OH SHIT HERE WE GO

Nah, that monkey is STILL giving me the chills, fucking hate that monkey so bad

“Your mind is muddled” - this episode has featured so much Stelmaria calling Asriel out, and that’s content I’m honestly living for

Marisa giving the monkey a massive rock and going “do your worst”... AND THEN SHE LOWERED HER HEAD AND HE SMACKED HER OVER THE HEAD WITH IT WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON I LITERALLY GASPED, like she clearly was telling him to do it but WHYYYYY???

Ama was so ready to go with Will and help him, we have to stan

So now Marisa looks battered and bruised...? I’m guessing she’s got some kind of plan here???

Ohhhh okay, I get her plan now: she looks all beaten up, she tells Gomez that Will has come and taken Lyra, it looks like Will has hurt her when he stole Lyra, Gomez will then hopefully leave thinking that she doesn’t still have Lyra... got it. Bit extreme to have your dæmon beat the shit out of you though

“You know, he had several hundred miles and the boundaries between worlds to cross, and yet... he still managed to get here before you. Bravo.” - LMFAO the shade

“... I am going to take Lyra now, Mrs Coulter” - Oh he didn’t fall for it in the slightest lmao he was like “well, at least you tried”

“you gave her the terrible punishment of her existence” is such a cruel line, jesus christ my dude

He’s not even trying to hide the fact that they want to murder her daughter omg

THE WINDOW IS FORMING ASDFGHJKL WILL IS COMING

Is she trying to distract Gomez so he doesn’t see Will and the knife?!? Is she actually doing something good???

Pan hopping into Will’s coat pocket omg that’s so cute I love it

THAT MONKEY IS FERAL

SHE WHACKED HIM OVER THE HEAD OH MY GOD

“Oh dear… perhaps you were right about that strength” - LMAO she’s so iconic

Not Marisa thinking she’s coming with him and Lyra 💀 I don’t know whether I feel sorry for her or not at this point

“Do you think it’s that easy to dispose of me? Is that what you do, Will? Was your mother as easily disposed of? Where did you leave her?” - ACTUALLY NAH YOU KNOW WHAT, I don’t feel sorry for her at all

His mind isn’t empty enough, she’s distracting him, he’s gonna break the knife 😭😭😭

THE KNIFE BROKE I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT DAMN

NOT HER THREATENING WILL WITH A GUN AND LYRA STANDING IN FRONT OF HIM TO PROTECT HIM

AH THE GALLIVESPIAN STINGING HER YESSSSS

The airships shooting at them and Iorek immediately jumping to defend them I’m-

“Iorek’s here?” - YES, HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH 😭

Ama jumping on that soldier and Will killing him before he can kill her I’m-

Asriel really arrived super late to the party, literally all the fighting is over and done with 💀

Ohhhh he’s seen Marisa 👀

Lyra taking Will’s hand as they lie together under the stars 😭❤️

Episode 3: The Intention Craft

I’m gonna try to keep my notes a little bit briefer because it took me two hours to watch a 57 minute episode on episode 2 :’( this is 8 hours worth of tv, it’s currently 00:20 am and we’ve only done two episodes so... yeah

NOT THE SHOT OF THE DÆMON (presumably Pan) ALONE ON A DOCK ASDFGHJKL; YALL THIS IS SICK

“Whatever happens... we’ll be together” - having read the book is both a blessing and a curse because on the one hand I’m somewhat able to prepare myself beforehand but on the other I KNOW how painful this is about to be and I can’t stand it

Oooh Marisa is Asriel’s prisoner :O

I think Asriel is enjoying having her as his prisoner a bit TOO much

The way he was right behind her, so close he was literally breathing on her neck as he tied her up... asdfghjkl;

“You could be standing here beside me, you know” - NOT THE MARISA/ASRIEL FEELS asdfghjkl

*taking her necklace in hand* “still wear this?” - ASDFGHJKL did he give that to her?? Or is it just one of those “oh you still wear this?” things???

“How could you and I have produced another Eve?” - no but same, I’m still wondering that lmfao

Not him calling Lyra a “wretched girl” and acting like it’s her fault Marisa turned up to whisk her away?!

Did they collar and chain up her monkey dæmon too??? Damn, he knows her well lmao

“You seem different.” “So do you.” “...you’re staring.” - oh my gOD

Not Salmakia spying on them :’) “I haven’t been hiding, you just haven’t been looking” LMAO

“How do I know you won’t cut into another world?” - umm because the knife’s broken??? It ain’t cutting shit right now

Ahhh she’s got her Alethiometer back! All is right with the world :3

“Since he’s died, I’ve done none of the things he’s asked me to do” - awww Will :(

Are we gonna meet the Mulefa this episode? The next one? :O

“Because Roger’s dead body was in a cage! In a cage that he made, he killed him!” - when she puts it like that, I’m not shocked she wants nothing to do with Asriel anymore, damn

“to work alongside a murderer?!” - 1) Will is a murderer? 2) The reason she trusted Will was because the Alethiometer told her he was a murderer?? But I get what she means

I don’t like when Will and Lyra argue :( 

“Lyra is pushing him to do things he doesn’t want to do.” “Oh, she is her mother’s daughter!” “You don’t trust her?” “She’s also mine.” - LMFAO TRUE ENOUGH

The device Asriel is using to communicate with Salmakia with is so cool omg

Father MacPhail really just sitting there in the dark all like “where have you gone??” I think he’s losing it a little

RED PANDA PAN AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

“You’re not always right, you know that?” - LMAO I love Lyra and Pan so much

“Your father was right about you - you are insufferable” - OOF DAMN

NOT THEM LEADING THE MONKEY ON A CHAIN LIKE A DOG 

At least they gave her new clothes I guess?

“I have been the worst mother in the world” - NO SHIT

“I didn’t think of her for years - and if I did, it was only to regret the embarrassment of her birth, the humiliation-” “Ridiculous! I have never understood why a child born of our love should be a humiliation!” “An illegitimate child and a murdered husband! That is quite something to carry on my back” -- Damn, this trial literally just became a couple’s counselling session for Marisa and Asriel??? And Asriel straight up admitting he loved her??? That they loved each other??? 

I will not ship them, I will NOT ship them, I WILL NOT-

“What if Iorek’s not there?” “He wouldn’t leave without me” - AND WE ALL KNOW IT ASDFGHJKL

“I know it wasn’t real, but once or twice I woke up and she was holding me... never been held before” - I’M NOT CRYING YOU ARE-

IOREK AND LYRA REUNITING, HER HUGGING HIM IM SOBBING ACTUALLY I LOVE ONE GIRL AND ONE BEAR-

There’s something very special to me about Lyra sitting against Iorek’s flank, I can’t explain how soft it is

“Huh, still a Silvertongue” - asdfghjkl; he’s the one who gave her that name, it’s literally a title he bestowed on her, I love it :’)

Oh no, is Dr Cooper the one from Bolvanger??? Am I remembering correctly???

“Ah yes... you always were easily impressed by what he made” - DAMN I should NOT have cackled like I did

I can’t get over how charged the scenes between Asriel and Marisa are, my goodness-

“The inventor of hideous machines, capable of tearing children apart” - you’re one to talk, remember what you did to Roger????

“But along comes some foul mouthed arrogant little brat with dirt under her fingernails, and ohhh you can love her! You cluck and you settle your feathers over her like a mother hen-” - JESUS I’M-...?!?

The way he slammed her up against the intention craft after she spat at him, his hand on her face... I thought they were gonna kiss, holy SHIT

“Every hideous thing that you’ve done in his name... and it was all a lie” - DAMN, this episode is cutting so deep in all the best ways

It’s the way I know what’s going to happen, I know the knife is fixed, and yet I’m still nervous

“Find what matters!” *glances to Lyra* - oh they are NOT slick, they’re so obvious about this and I’m all for it

Imagine being Will and waking up to see a massive looming bear standing over you, omfg

YAY, the knife is fixed! (I knew it would be but still) I love that it looks more twisted, at least in my opinion

“You will always be a welcome visitor to Svalbard, and the same is true to you, Will. You are worthy of each other. Goodbye, Lyra Silvertongue - I hope we do meet again one day.” - NOT ME CRYING OVER AN ARMOURED BEAR’S RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL

Now why is Asriel showing the prisoner angel to Marisa, no good will come of this-?

“He’s beautiful.” “Everyone’s beautiful.” - this plus the way he keeps leaning and shit around her... at this point, everything Asriel has done this episode just straight up seems like him flirting with Marisa lmao

Eyyyy Balthamos is back!!!

Balthamos: so, you ready to go to Asriel yet? // Will: LOL sorry nope 

And just as soon as he was back, he went away again :O

“my mum’s always said if a friend needs help, you should give it” - Will Parry is his mother’s son through and through :’)

“That no doubt depends.” “On what?” “What Asriel does to him.” - oh god he’s gonna fucking kill that angel and cause more chaos, I can feel it

NOT ASRIEL AND MARISA TEAMING UP TO TORTURE THE ANGEL AND DESTROY HIM

Damn even Marisa looks kinda freaked out by Asriel torturing the fucking angel oh my god

LMAO SHE RAN SO FAST TO THE INTENTION CRAFT 

“Goodbye Asriel” should NOT have hit me so hard, oh my goodness

Yeah, no, I don’t think the knife can cut through to the land of the dead? Which makes sense all things considered

OH, the last world he could cut to before the land of the dead is the desert wasteland one from Lyra’s dreams! :O

Pan like “wait, this doesn’t feel safe” and backing away whimpering :’(

IS THE SAD THING GONNA HAPPEN NEXT EPISODE NO NO NO I CANT HANDLE IT

I thought we’d have until like episode 6 or something :’(

Episode 4: Lyra and Her Death

Judging from the title of this episode... FUCK I AM NOT READY WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’RE AT THIS POINT ALREADY

(If it’s not this episode then it’ll probably be the next one, either way I’m not READY)

Pan: *whimpering* // Lyra: Pan, stop that - :’(

“Then where are everyone’s dæmons?” “We’ve been in plenty of worlds without dæmons before, just get in my pocket and we’ll be fine.” “There are people here who should have dæmons but don’t.” - PAN IS GONNA MAKE ME SOB THIS EPISODE ASDFGHJKL

Not Marisa running straight back to the Magisterium jesus christ girl why

“Good. This is good.” - NO IT FUCKING ISN’T LYRA

“How long do we wait?” “Until you die, of course!” - well, I mean, it IS the land of the dead so...

I genuinely cannot tell what is going on in Gomez’s head at this point O_o he’s so creepy

“Somewhere out there is a tempter, a serpent, and I had to keep them from meeting” - but here’s the thing: the angel told Mary that she was to play the role of serpent, and she and Lyra have already met. But also, Marisa maybe thinks the serpent is Will, which adds a whole new layer to this whole situation???

“And the way he (Asriel) is fighting, Hugh... it’s is terrifying” - oh look, me and Marisa agree on something for once!

“Sometimes your devotion is hard to read” - lmao true

“You have my mind, my body, and my soul (...) He could never resist temptation, whereas you... your abstinence is magnificent” - exCUSE ME WHAT MARISA????

I deadass thought he was about to try and force himself on her then

“Remember what we did together... our lives are entwined” - UMMMM??? I’m not the only one reading into that in a slightly sexual way, right??

Who knew that the waiting area in the land of the dead was like your everyday doctor’s waiting room, complete with grating elevator music??

I both want to know what’s in the chest Gomez gave Marisa and I also do not want to know O_o “it’s how we found you, a kind gift”?

Is there some generational mother-daughter trauma theme going on here or...? Because she said “mother” and he said “she was only too happy to help”, and her response was “of course she was”?

Is Mary in the Mulefa world right now???

“Feels like we’re in a horror film.” “... Why would you want to watch a film that makes you feel horrible?” “...You make a good point.” “I like the film with the bear.” - ASDFGHJKL, THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION XD Also the reference back to S2 where they were watching Paddington omg

“Everyone has a Death. Goes everywhere with them, all their life long.” (Lyra: Isn’t that scary?) (Larissa(?): Not at all, dear. It’s natural) “From the moment you’re born... your Death comes into the world with you. And it’s your Death that takes you out. There’s love in that.” - Pan’s little face :’(

“When you’re ready, they say it’s beautiful. Your Death says, ‘easy now, easy child, you come along with me’. And you go with them, to the boat and the boatman.” - not me getting emotional over the talk of death, fuck me-

Pan retreating back into Lyra’s pocket sadly, like he KNOWS he won’t be allowed to go with them, I hate it here-

DAMN, Marisa slaying in that purple dress with heels, holy shit-

“If you won’t stop...” “You’ll do what, exactly?” *dramatic music stops* “... I’ll fetch support.” “Good. We all need support.” - BAHAHAHAAHAHA This show is a fucking comedy at times oh my god

The fact that any part of the dæmon guillotine design is being reused is horrendous, let alone as a fuckin BOMB

“*casually* Oh. They’re here for me.” - LMAO

“Wait: can we talk about this?” - Will asking the REAL questions here omg let’s not do this please

Lyra: You were on my side. // Pan:... I thought I was by your side.” - STOP RIGHT NOW FUCK YOU

Lyra’s Death is there?!?! And she’s just leaving Will?!

Pan running after Lyra as she walks with her Death, I’m about to sob

Not them taking a lock of Lyra’s hair from Marisa while she sleeps??? And her sending Roke after Gomez, she was pretending to be asleep asdfghjkl

They’re using the lock of Lyra’s hair that Marisa has kept to aim the bomb at Lyra?!? Jesus fucking Christ, and they still think they’re the good guys here???

“I’m always here. I’ve followed you your entire life. I am a special devoted friend who’s been beside you every moment of your life. Who knows you better than anyone. Who knows you better than even you know yourself.” - oh shit

Also Pan being like “that’s not true!”, like he’s so offended by her Death saying that when he’s right there

If I remember correctly, wasn’t Lyra’s Death male in the book? Or...?

“I don’t want to be exceptional. Maybe once I did. My parents... that’s all they care about. I just want to be good. I just want to help someone, and Roger needs me... and I wasn’t there the last time he needed me.” - oh my heart is hurting so bad right now because in S1E02 I’m pretty sure she said to Pan that no one ever thought they’d be exceptional etc, and also the fact she still feels guilt for Roger’s death :’(

I’ve spent 15 years trying to imagine what a mulefa looks like... and now finally I know! Oh my goodness?!?! And it brought Mary food?!?

“You take me into the BEST places, you know that?” - LMAO Will’s so funny when he wants to be

“What else is there left to do?” Oh, I don’t know, Doctor Cooper, maybe NOT make a fricking bomb??? Also eyyyy Roke stung her!

“Arrogance. Sheer arrogance. I underestimated them” - yeah, no kidding, Marisa

Oof Marisa’s on a damn warpath, she’s gonna destroy the Magisterium and I’m so here for it

“What if we don’t come back?” “Then we’ll have died doing something important” - I’m way too emotional for this episode, I’m already losing my mind and emotions and I know it’s just going to get worse and worse :’(

Marisa calling out MacPhail as a sinner oh this is delicious the tea is so delicious today

“You have no right here; you are a wanton woman who has always wanted what she didn’t have. Your husband was killed by your lover, the heretic Asriel, and your illegitimate child was abandoned until she became sin itself.” - OH DAMN

“You will address me as Father President or Your Grace” - damn, man is on a freaking power trip?!?!

“I’m sorry? This is where your loyalty lies? Not with that above? Not with truth but with power?” - Marisa is spilling ALL the truth today oh my lord she did not come to play around

“This is all you really are: an incoherent, emotional woman. Why should anyone trust you? You can barely string a sentence together” - OH YOU LIL BITCH I’M ABOUT TO THROW THESE HANDS

He took her locket?!? 

“And when we sever your dæmon, you will be the bullet to kill Lyra Belacqua and to save us all from sin” - on the one hand, isn’t it ironic that her own dæmon severing technology is about to be used on her? But on the other, this man is one cruel motherfucker and I’m raging right now, FUCK this dude

“Take her to the cells... and bring her dæmon to me” - nah man, I’m about to be sick, fuck these motherfuckers. Fucking MEN, AM I RIGHT

Oh no. Oh no no no we’re at the docks and Pan is whimpering already I’m not strong enough today for this-

“I’m sorry, one of your party is unsuitable for travel at this time” - NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-

“We have to follow the rules. A pain, but necessary. No passage. Not for him.” “But he is me.” “If you come, he must stay.” “I don’t think you understand, if we separate we die.” “But isn’t that what you want?” - I’m really about to be crying at 2:30am over Lyra and Pan again aren’t I????

Pan running away because he knows Lyra will follow and he thinks it will stop it from happening, my HEART

“No, that’s not right, I don’t leave part of myself behind, why should she?” “Yes, you do, absolutely, you do. It’s her misfortune - or luck - to be able to see and talk to the part she must leave. You will not know until you are in the water, and by that time fortunately - or unfortunately - it will be too late for you to do anything about it. But you must all leave that part of yourselves here.” - NO NO NO NO NO I’m just going to keep chanting it until it stops fUCK

“We’re gonna get on the boat. Don’t worry.” “Lyra, you’re not listening to him, he won’t let us.” - AND LYRA BRINGING PAN ON THE BOAT TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM :’(((( she even tries to pull the thing herself but she can’t, I’m siCK-

“We can’t separate... we can’t...” :( :( 

“I’ve taken millions across... none have come back.” “We will. You don’t know Lyra and you don’t know me, but we’ll find a way. Another way. So since we’re doing that, be kind, boatman. Let her take her dæmon.” - Will trying so hard to get them to take Pan, even brandishing the knife, but it’s not happening asdfghjkl

“How many ages do you think I’ve been ferrying people? Do you think if anything could hurt me, it wouldn’t have happened already? You think the people I carry come with me gladly?! No, they struggle, they cry, they bribe, they threaten, they fight! Nothing works!” - :(

The entirety of the Lyra and Pan exchange had me outloud sobbing, clutching my chest in pain, I’ve got to share it all with you...

Lyra: I don’t want you leave you here.

Pan: We can still turn around.

Lyra: But I can’t not do this.

Pan: You can, Lyra.

Lyra: What about Roger? And Sal? They never got a chance to grow up.

Pan: But it’s not Roger and Sal, is it? Roger’s dead, and Sal is gone! And it won’t be Lyra and Pan, you’re leave me here, alone! What will I do?

Lyra: But our dreams…

Pan: I didn’t have those dreams! They were your dreams, I didn’t even want to come here! This is your choice!

Lyra: But we’re together…

Pan: Not if you do this.

Lyra: Please… I can’t betray Roger. It’s my fault he’s dead and now he needs me.

Pan: I need you too! Why can’t you see that? … Where will I go?

Lyra: I’ll find you… okay? I will go to the Land of the Dead and I’ll come back, and I’ll find you. I’m not leaving you… ‘Kay? I’m not leaving you, not forever. Will and me will find a way out of here, and we’ll go to Asriel’s, somehow you’ve got to get there too, but I have to do this.

Pan:… Then you’ve made up your mind. You’ve chosen Roger over me.

Lyra: No, Pan… please don’t, don’t… please… there’s no other way. I’ve got to… I love you.

Pan:… Just… go.

The way Lyra turned her head to watch him, the way Pan came up to the very edge of the dock and started crying, the two of them watching each other as they drifted further and further apart, the soundtrack... I am a fucking MESS

“My heart...” 😭💔

Lyra’s pained screams oh my GOD and Will holding her I’m not OKAY

Episode 5: No Way Out

My heart is already broken from last episode, I don’t know how much worse I can feel at this point 😭

Oh good, we’re starting with mulefa hijinks! (Sort of)

Mary stopping and having a moment of “what am I doing?… following a talking elephant” 🤣

IT SKATING AROUND ON PODS ASDFGHJKL

Lyra and Will: *having literally the worst times of their lives* // Mary: *playing with the Mulefa and living her best life*

The Mulefa having their own language oh my god and the orange subtitles fading to the white English ones omg because she’s learning their language

Baby Mulefa 😭❤️

Oof we’re right back to pain 🤡

“What does it feel like, being this far away from him? From Pan?” “It’s like an iron hand is gripped around my heart and is yanking it out between my ribs.” “And it’s mental too, right? As if some private secret thing’s been dragged out into the open?” “…yeah.” — 😭

“You know, you always said I must have a dæmon and I never believed you… and now it feels like I’ve known her my whole life. Maybe she’s with Pan now.” - ASDFGHJKL KIRJAVA IS COMING IM-

“Wait. If my dæmon’s still at the jetty, can you give him a message?” “I can tell you now, he won’t be.” 😭😭😭😭

Oooh Land of the Dead here we go!

I’m still curious as to why exactly Marisa and the monkey can separate so far? Have they already been intercised or something? Like they can REALLY go far from each other 🤔

“They intend to sever you from your dæmon!” “… Good.” — EXCUSE ME MARISA???? She really hates the little thing doesn’t she, damn

“It’s not made of rock… it’s made of people’s things” - oh damn

Oh my gosh the dead 😭

“They don’t like it if we talk to each other.” “Who don’t?” - OH SHIT THE HARPIES

The little dead children talking about their dæmons 😭 “Mine was called Sandling. He used to think he’d be a bird, but I hoped he wouldn’t because I liked him all furry.” “My Kasta used to curl up in my hand and go to sleep.” “Mine was called Matapan” 😭😭

Not MacPhail going to touch the monkey but being interrupted by Father Gomez schooling him on how it’s forbidden 💀

HE JUST SLAPPED GOMEZ OMG

Nooo not her losing Will

NOT HER THINKING SHE SEES PAN NOOO ITS NOT REAL

“You left me on the jetty to die (…) I’ve always known deep down how selfish you are. You really believe you’re here for Roger - you already killed him. You came here for you, to assuage your guilt, to play the hero” - 😭😭😭😭 I know it’s not really Pan but still my heART

ROGER 😭💔

“I missed you. I’m so sorry, about everything. I should have let you go with the Gyptians and the kids… I shouldn’t have taken you to Asriel. If I’d have let you go, you wouldn’t be here, would you? You’d be…” “It wasn’t your fault. I wanted to go with you.” — 😭 my heart is a literal mess I’m blubbering

“Stop it! You think I want to go back to the real world? Like this?” - oh Roger…

Will not being able to cut a window out and it sounding like the knife is being grated over rock 😳

NOT THE HARPIES THIS IS NIGHTMARE FUEL IM-

“What kind of son abandons his own mother?” - SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP-

“You have destroyed the lives of everyone you’ve ever cared for… you’ve come here for you, to feel special… if only Will had never met you” - I would very much like to go back to Jordan College and rooftop adventures now thanks-

“I thought about us, and everything we’ve been through… I didn’t let them get into my head” 😭❤️💔

Not Fra Pavel deducing that Mary is the serpent and she’s in another world, and now Gomez is going to go after her 💀

Oh damn, the imagery of the snake and Eve painting(?) in the background as Gomez prepares himself

I SAW A GLIMPSE OF AMBER IS IT- IS IT TIME FOR THE SPYGLASS

MARY IS MAKING THE SPYGLASS THIS IS MY CHILDHOOD COMING TOGETHER

Oh. My. God. The view through the lens of Dust… ‘Sraf’ is Dust… oh my god. This is beautiful. The colours are beautiful.

“The trees are dying.” “And so are we.” 😭

“What do you remember about Jordan? You remember it, don’t you?” “… Jordan’s gone.” - stop that right nOW

Not the flashback to the very first episode of them in the cellar drinking Tokay 😭

The light appearing as they remember Jordan College together, talking about the roof and the rook with the broken leg 😭❤️ and all the dead people coming to listen, I’m gonna start bawling all over again

Lyra and Will speaking to the crowd and promising to try to get them out of this horrible world, rallying them 😭

“What will happen to us if we leave?” “I don’t know.” “You don’t know? If I will or won’t be able to see my son again?” “We can’t know until it happens - I’m not gonna lie or pretend. But in here, it’s just thoughts; out there, real things matter.”

“When we were alive, they told us that when we died, we’d go to Heaven. That’s why so many of us gave our lives, and spent years in prayer and silence, and all the joy of life went to waste around us. I don’t care what happens to us when we leave - anything is better than this.” - damn, this series really said fuck religion and fuck the church making people spend their lives in servitude/repenting for sins they haven’t even done

Damn, the harpies are NOT happy

“Will you tell us some stories? So we can remember too? Real things.” Ohh no, no, I will not cry over this, I will not cry over Lyra and Roger talking about Jordan College-

“I won every time.” “No she didn’t, she cheated every time” - yep, sounds like Lyra to me

Lyra recounting how she made the omelette with the shells in for Will 🤣

Lyra talking about Iorek 😭❤️

I have absolutely no love for that blasted monkey but seeing him all sad in the cage as they’re about to be severed… definitely made me feel sad, can’t believe I feel sorry for him

It looks like Marisa’s been strapped to an electric chair, like she’s about to be executed, and the imagery of that is 👌🏻

“When we created this technology together, you believed you were doing the right thing - we all did. But we were wrong. It has to stop.” - Damn, you don’t say! Of course it was wrong to sever children, glad you see that finally-

“Do not explain my own technology to me.” - OOF

“You still have time to repent - let me give you your final blessing” - MAN DO NOT FUCKIN TOUCH HER YOU FREAK

“Keep your hands off me… there’s too much blood on them for that.” - DAMN, MARISA

Everyone listening to Lyra’s stories 😭❤️

“… But you felt safe with Mr Scoresby. He was the first grown up I ever trusted.” - STOP THAT RIGHT NOW IM ALREADY CRYING I DONT NEED TO CRY AGAIN

“I will come with you. We… We will come with you.” - YESSSS

HOLY FUCK THE HARPY DESIGN IS SICKENINGLY HORRIFYING DEAR GOD AND THE WAY IT WENT RIGHT UP TO LYRA’S FACE

“What’s your name? You must have one.” “… No-Name.” - Oh gosh I think I remember more of the book now hang on

LEE SCORESBY AHHHHHHHH

LEE AND LYRA HUGGING 😭❤️ MY HEART I CANNOT BEAR THIS

LYRA DIDNT KNOW LEE DIED 😭 and he thought she was dead but he was so relieved she wasn’t 😭

“You found the Knife Bearer - you beat the shaman to it. Lyra Silvertongue, just when I thought you couldn’t blow my little mind enough times” - 😭❤️ I missed Lee so much ASDFGHJKL

IS THAT METATRON??? ENOCH??? OH MY GODDDDD

“If she had only stayed with us, and given her life to the Authority as she once intended, she would now be on the path to the kingdom” - oh my god MacPhail shut the fuck UP

Come on rOKE HURRY UP AND SAVE HER

NOT THE INTERCISION MACHINE V2 AND THE MONKEY LOOKING SCARED

Dr Cooper having second thoughts omg

SHE STOPPED IT LAST MINUTE OH GOD THE GASP I LET OUT

“… I will not be a part of this (…) I will not hurt her.” - YES DOCTOR DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE LIFE

FATHER MACPHAIL STRAIGHT UP MURDERED DR COOPER HOLY SHIT-

The Church REALLY are not coming across well here

NO NOT ROKE LEAVE HIM ALONE

KILL HIM MARISA KILL THAT BASTARD RELIGIOUS MAN

OKAY BUT YES ALSO TURN OFF THE MACHINE PLEASE DESTROY IT IF YOU CAN I CANT BREATHE THIS IS TOO TENSE

FATHER MACPHAIL COMMITTING SUICIDE AND SACRIFICING HIMSELF HES FUCKING INSANE IM SORRY THE HATRED HE HAS FOR LYRA IS THAT STRONG???

Thank FUCK she stopped the machine last minute although I kinda wish MacPhail had died lmao

THE LIGHT HOLY CRAP-

“You think Dust can make you Gods… let use see how you fare without it.” - OH SHIT OH SHIT

THE MACHINE SEVERED MACPHAIL AND HIS DAEMON AND SHE DISAPPEARED

NOOOOO NOT THE BOMB NOT THE BOMB TELL ME THAT AINT THE BOMB-

I know she’s not dead, I’ve read the book, plus there’s still 3 episodes left, I’m still freaking out though

Episode 6: The Abyss

Three more episodes and then it’s all over 😭 I don’t know if I’m ready for it to be honest

“In the beginning, Man was given the gift of Dust. It ignited his mind and freed his will. But that free will has corrupted mankind. Dust shall be drawn into eternal darkness once more… That which was given shall be taken away.” - oh my gOD what a narration to start an episode Jesus Christ (pardon the pun)

Marisa dragging herself across the floor to get to Lyra’s hair???

Please tell me Roke isn’t dead 😭 (spoiler: he is)

Marisa going to Fra Pavel with the hair and asking him to consult the Alethiometer on whether or not Lyra survived 😭

I still get chills at the opening theme, ngl, like we’re three whole series in and I’m STILL feeling chills seeing the opening credits

Eyyyy Serafina Pekkala!!!

The earth is literally crumbling apart and Asriel’s laughing 🫢

MARISA AND THE MONKEY ARE BACK AT ASRIEL’S

Stelmaria just being like “… It’s her”, as if there’s only one “her”

“She’s dead, Asriel. Lyra is dead.” - NOOOOOO OH NO NO NO

Nahh Asriel is so unbothered about Lyra being dead???

“Would you like me to tell you how your daughter died, or would you prefer to keep tinkering with your toys?” “If what you’re saying is true, I’m very sorry. But what I’m doing here is of the utmost importance - it’s going to change everything.” - DUDE YOUR DAUGHTER IS DEAD (or so it’s thought at the moment) HOW ARE YOU SO UNBOTHERED

Like we knew he was a shit father but YIKES

Marisa straight up telling Asriel it’s his fault their daughter is dead because he pissed off Metatron with his war crime, she disabled the bomb but the light triggered it… DAMN. Just… damn.

“You’ve taken my daughter from me… and I will never forgive you.” - ☹️😔

Roger trying to wake Lyra up 😭 thankfully she does wake but still-

Stelmaria telling Asriel he shouldn’t go down there, it’s reckless… Mate, listen to your fucking dæmon once in a while please, she got all the sense the two of you possess and you’ve got none I fear-

WHAT’S HAPPENING TO RUTA’S DÆMON HE DROPPED LIKE A STONE INTO THE ABYSS (the one where Asriel is)

“He can’t hear me…” “Stay with him” “I can’t stop him, the darkness is drawing him in…” - NO NO NO NO

Noooo SERGEI (her dæmon) DIED AND SO DID RUTA FUCK SAKE MAN

Lyra and Lee hugging again because they’re so happy to see each other okay 😭❤️ truly a better father to her than her own one ever was

Is there an abyss in each of the worlds? 🤔 because there’s one in the land of the dead too as well as where Asriel is

Will panicking because he’s scared he won’t be able to get these people out, and Lyra taking his face in her hands, “Look at me, look at me, look at me… it’s fine. We’re going to get out of here. It’s just… this chasm. I can feel it too. Look at me.” 😭

Lee whooping when Lyra jumped that chasm, we love a proud father!

Roger and Will disagreeing over who should go next and Lee just doing it instead 😂

“I am Serafina Pekkala, Queen of the Lake Enara clan, and I demand to know what happened to my sister” - YES WITCH QUEEN 👑

“It pains me to tell you both that what happened to Ruta was not death, but worse again. That abyss out there is a rupture in the multiverse, sucking all Dust deep down inside the void between the worlds. I bore witness to her dæmon Sergei falling inside… and it is my belief, that no being, flesh or Dust, will ever emerge from its darkness.” “… so there will be no peace for her? Part of her soul, forever falling… forever in limbo…” — NOPE, NO, NOOO 😭💔 poor Ruta I hate it here

(Turning to Asriel) “… You did this.” “No.” “Your arrogance, PLAYING WITH FORCES YOU HAVE NO CONCEPT OF!” - SHIT SHES RIGHT THOUGH

Sorry, what the FUCK are those things beneath them with the glowing eyes???

“We’ve seen worse. Do you remember when we freed the kids from Bolvanger? And then the three of us and Iorek squashed into Lee’s balloon and just flew away?” - lmao bless

“Iorek’s this armoured bear-.” “I know who he is, I’ve met him.” - damn, there’s some tension here between Roger and Will? Or is it just me?

“Can’t imagine him (Iorek) in a balloon though” - LMFAO

“It wasn’t just any balloon… it was a real beauty” - DAMN RIGHT IT WAS LEE

Is Will a little jealous of Lyra and Roger walking together and reminiscing or…???

“Hey, did I ever tell you about the crazy shaman who made me a bacon sandwich?” - OH MY GOD LEE 😂 (also it’s been a while since S2, but I think he’s talking about John Parry???)

Marisa really thinks she’s allowed to just leave 💀

Marisa telling Ogunwe that Lyra is dead, and him saying “Asriel didn’t tell me”, it hits hard because he has daughters of his own and I just know he’s probably confused because surely Asriel would have mentioned his own child dying but nOPE

Marisa yelling at the monkey to come and he just… doesn’t? He just walks away? Their dynamic is so interesting but in a messed up way

Will is looking for his father and he wants to be sure that his father will find his way out 😭

Lee realising that Will is the shaman’s son oh my GOD?!? And he thinks he has a way to summon him??? Oh I love Lee so much

“Are you sure about this?” - Stelmaria asking the only real questions

IOREK!!! 🐻‍❄️

IOREK STRAIGHT UP SMACKING ASRIEL DOWN WHEN HE APPROACHED LMFAO I LOVE HIM

Wait this is SVALBARD??? All the ice and snow has disappeared?!? And it’s all Asriel’s fault?!?

“My bears starve because you blew a hole in the sky!” - oh shit!

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t KILL YOU!” “LYRA SILVERTONGUE!” “Why do you speak to me of her?” “You renamed her. You loved her. Tell me of her.” “She is everything you are not.” “Perhaps I should have known her better. But she is gone, and if you kill me now she will never be avenged.” — this whole exchange 😭 Iorek loves Lyra so much, Asriel saying he should have known her better (no shit, sir)…

“You do not understand. Lyra went to the Land of the Dead.” “The Land of the…?” “Yes. But she walked in the line.” “How did she enter that place?” “With the knife.” “The knife is broken.” “I fixed it. She went after her friend, Roger.” “… the kitchen boy.” “Another reason why I should kill you!” - IOREK GETS IT ASDFGHJKL HE’S A BETTER FATHER THAN ASRIEL EVER WAS FUCK ASRIEL WE ONLY LOVE IOREK AND LEE AS FATHER FIGURES NOW

Asriel laughing because “my daughter is staging a prison break” 💀

NOOO NOT LYRA FALLING INTO THE ENDLESS ABYSS

THE HARPY SAVING LYRA FROM FALLING INTO THE ABYSS HOLY SHIT

Marisa telling Serafina about torturing that witch in detail, Jesus CHRIST, she literally wants Serafina to kill her at this point :( but Serafina sees right through it of course

“If you won’t do it out of anger… then please just do it out of mercy.” - 😭 now why am I sympathising with Marisa

“Love… makes us fragile in ways we cannot fathom.” “I didn’t love Lyra. I wasn’t able to” - SURE you didn’t love her, Marisa 🙄

“Even my own dæmon rejects me” - yeah no can’t say I blame him honestly

Serafina talking about how she lost her son that she had with Farder Coram 😭 and how Lyra gave her hope

“When I first heard that prophecy, it terrified me. (…) Because I was always taught to believe that Eve was guilty of something shameful.” - yep, religion will do that to you!

“All Eve did was dare to experience - it’s an act of bravery. Of great beauty. You were a monster, but look what experience did to you… what love did. It changed you.” - oh my god the religion criticism is on point today holy crap

Will hugging Lyra and asking if she’s okay 😭❤️

Lyra wanting to give the harpy a name to thank it 😭

“Names can’t just be given!” “Mine was… by a friend.” - exactly, Lyra!

“Gracious-Wings.” — … Interesting name, Lyra but okay

“You can’t take it back now!” - I have NO intention to and neither does Lyra 😳

The harpies kinda do make me sad because like… they don’t have names. They’re frightening to look at. They live in the land of the dead. They’re trapped just as much as the ghosts are, and feared for how they look which probably contributes to their behaviour. So Lyra showing some kindness must be a brand new experience for them.

“You cannot tell the story of my name if you do not get out.” “… You like stories, don’t you? True ones.” - ohhhhhhhhh I get it! Awww, so Gracious-Wings wants Lyra to escape, not only because she’s been listening to her stories but also because Lyra can then tell the living about Gracious-Wings and the truth that she’s not so scary/completely evil, so maybe people when they die will be less afraid to meet her? Idk

“True stories are nourishing. They feed us, we had no idea there was anything but lies and wickedness.” “If those who follow behind tell you everything they saw in the world, everything true… could you guide them here so they could be set free?” - god I forgot how deep and clever this whole section was in the book

“Do not lie to me.” “I won’t.” - for once, I actually do believe she’s telling the truth

“Do we have a deal? The prisoners’ safe passage in exchange for their stories?” - YESSS OMG

“It’s alright, they’re going to help us! Just tell them your stories - stories from your lives, and they’ll guide you up. Tell them stories.” - nahhh I’m not crying you are 😭

Asriel telling Marisa Lyra is still alive but she doesn’t believe him at first 😭

“It makes sense: the Authority cows us with the threat of heaven or hell but even that was a lie, it’s all purgatory.”

“Please… my heart won’t take it.” - this woman has gone through so much, she’s not a good person but damn she’s gone through a lot

“You said yourself, she’s extraordinary… to free a soul from the Land of the Dead” - well you’ve changed your fucking tune

“The witches prophecy… they believe two things about Lyra: that she is Eve, and she will defeat Death. (Smiling/Laughing) That’s what she’s doing. The prophecy is right. We must help her, Asriel.” - ASRIEL AND MARISA ACTUALLY WORKING TOGETHER FOR REAL THIS TIME?!? Like actual parents?!? Who’d have thought 😭

“There’s someone here to see you.” - LEE BROUGHT JOHN PARRY TO WILL IM CRYING ALL OVER AGAIN ARE YOU SERIOUS

“I hate fighting. I’m not who you want me to be.” “No… no, you’re so much more.” - AND THEN THE HUG 🥹😭

“All this time, I thought that when we eventually found each other… we could go back to Oxford together.” “I did too.” - 😭😭😭 they deserve so much better, I can’t-

“If we get out of this awful place…” “We won’t be going the same way.” 😭

I’m sorry, okay, this whole episode is just one big CRYFEST AT THIS POINT

Lyra saying she thought Roger was braver than her 😭

“I don’t even know if I can do anything. I’m just so tired, and my chest…” “Because you’re away from your dæmon. Separation across worlds weakens your bond, Will. She’s pining for you.” “How do you know?” “I guided her to Asriel’s republic. As soon as you release these ghosts, you must cut through and find her, Will.” - KIRJAVA IS COMING WE’RE GOING TO MEET KIRJAVA ASDFGHJKL

“Don’t try to live in a world that’s not your own. No matter how tempting it may seem. You and your dæmon… you won’t survive it.” “But you did.” “No. I felt it, like an ache, every day. Don’t make the same mistake that I did. You deserve a full life with your mother.” 😭❤️ but also foreshadowing what will happen at the end of the series I feel unwell-

“What will happen to you?” “The same that will happen to every soul trapped down here: I’ll be free. I’ll be connected again to every living thing, thanks to you.” - Damn, right in the feels 😭

John telling Will he’s so proud of him and them hugging 😭❤️💔

Serafina saying she’s gonna send Kaisa to search for Pan because she knows that Pan can’t enter the Land of the Dead and so he’ll still be there, I’m so ready!!

“If it is true, and Lyra is going to free the dead, she and Will will have achieved something remarkable… far beyond your rebellion. Lyra is your focus now. Do not fail her.” — YESSSSSSS come on Asriel and Marisa, be good parents for once

WILL DID IT HE CUT A WINDOW OUT OF THE LAND OF THE DEAD AHHHH, and it’s opened out onto a beautiful paradise ❤️

“My dad said you’ll be free. You’ll drift apart, but you’ll be out in the open - connected with everything to love.” - 😭❤️

ROGER SAYING HE’LL GO FIRST ASDFGHJKL AND LYRA SAYING SHE’LL MISS HIM SO MUCH

“You’ll be okay. I know you will. You’ve saved your best friend. When you go back to Jordan, go to the roof for me.” - AND THE FOREHEAD TOUCH 😭❤️

“I’m ready” 😭😭😭 GOODBYE ROGER

AND THEN LEE SCORESBY HUGGING HER, “No need for that, it’s okay” because she’s crying, “thank you”, tipping his hat to Will

“I’m gonna be with my Hester” - SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW 😭❤️

I’m literally just full on sobbing at this point like my heart can’t take anymore at this point and there’s still TWO episodes left 😭

Marisa asking her monkey if she can sit with him?!? They’re so disconnected despite being the same person, I can’t-

“It hurts when we’re apart. I pretend that it doesn’t. That first time I sent you away… it was awful. I don’t know why I do it. At first I think it was curiosity… But now it’s become something else. A way to not feel what I can’t bear. I used to think that I was the strong one… but I was wrong. It was you. All along. I am so very sorry. Please… come back to me.” - NOOO WHY AM I HAVING EMOTIONS OVER MARISA AND THE DAMN DEMON GOLDEN MONKEY?!? AND THEM HOLDING HANDS?!?

Asriel and Marisa standing with their dæmons together… damn. Shit must be serious if the two of them are together on something

“The final rebellion has begun.” - OH SHIT HERE WE GOOOO

Episode 7: The Clouded Mountain

Two episodes left… 😬

Before we get into the episode, quick prediction: I feel like this episode is going to largely focus more on Asriel/Marisa and maybe bring that story to a close, and then the last one will be more Lyra/Will centric? Idk, we’ll see!

“We just have to keep Metatron’s forces away from the girl and the boy long enough for them to be reunited with their dæmons, to get to a safe world and… fall.” - oooooohhh

“How can you possibly know the nature of Metatron’s attack?” - LMFAO arguing like a married couple I see-

Okay, I was wrong, we are seeing Lyra and Will in this episode!

Will planning to get their dæmons himself and Lyra can wait in the nice world and he’ll meet her there 💀

“We’ve come this far and you still don’t understand: we’re in this together.” - ���🏻

Every scene with Marisa and Asriel just seems like they’re flirting lmao

“I’ve given the girl nothing but at the very least I can buy her time” - 😭

“You’d do that for her?” “Not just her.” - THE WAY HE MOVED EVEN CLOSER TO HER ASDFGHJKL THEY ABOUT TO KISS OR SOMETHING

“Even if you get him to the abyss, you do understand it’s not just death down there? It’s eternal oblivia.” - DAMN, he’s committed I’ll give him that

“Your love for Lyra is your salvation and your downfall. When you think of her, I can read you as easily as a reflection in still water.” 😮

“Right, so we are doomed.” - Basically, yeah.

“Some of us will die today” - NOT A GREAT WAY TO OPEN AN INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH, ASRIEL 💀

Asriel is really on a mission to kill God in this series, that’s it summed up

“But thanks to my daughter, thanks to Lyra, we need no longer fear that fate! From today death is no longer an ending but a journey back into life!” - okay I take it back, his speech is pretty good

“Our children shall experience paradise but they will know it down here on the earth… today, we are free!” - YESSSSS 🙌🏻

OH SHIT is that Metatron’s soldiers/forces?!?

“I’m glad I said we didn’t have to win this fight” - LMAO

THE ANGEL KNEW LYRA AND WILL WERE CUTTING THROUGH AHHHH AND NOW ASRIEL’S ATTACKING LET’S GOOOO

It’s the way Lyra knew Pan and Will’s dæmon will be looking after each other 😭

“Metatron is releasing the dæmon eaters - he is turning all creatures against us” - AH HELL FUCKING NO

Are they the same as Spectres?!?

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD NO THIS IS MORE NIGHTMARE FUEL

YES MARISA DOING HER PART AND TRYING TO GET RID OF THEM BECAUSE SHE HAS CONTROL OVER THEM

“I’ve found Pantalaimon” - Oh my god YES give Pan back to me please

To be fair I don’t blame Will and Lyra for not immediately blindly trusting Ogunwe at this point, barely anyone is trustworthy in this series at this point

RED PANDA PAN

“They left us.” “I know. But they’ve come back for you.” - 😭❤️

AHHH KIRJAVA AND SHES A BEAUTIFUL CAT WHEN WE FIRST SEE HER AHHHHH

They can both still change but still AHHHHH SOON

“All I know is Asriel’s proud of you” - yeah, he just has a shit way of showing it

These noises are straight out a horror movie oh my GOD THE FUCK ARE THOSE THINGS THOSE GHAST-Y THINGS

Not Metatron (?) whispering into all of their heads asdfghjkl

Metatron telling Marisa she should join him and her and the monkey having this moment, “you know what to do” 😭 and he looks like he’s gonna follow her because he puts his paw on the bridge but he doesn’t 😭 can’t believe I’m having emotions have that goddamn demon monkey

ASRIEL CALLING FOR STELMARIA AND THEN MARISA INSIDE METATRON’S PALACE(?)/FORTRESS 😭

Can I just say that the visuals are STUNNING, oh my goodness I’m literally in awe of this imagery and the visuals it’s far better than 10 year old me imagined

Marisa saying that she loves Lyra and hates that she does 😭

Metatron taking on Asriel’s form so now we’ve got James McAvoy vs James McAvoy, truly Multiverse of Madness 💀

“No one cares for you.” “Marisa does.” - the way my jaw dropped, oh my

Not Asriel calling for Marisa 😭 no I will NOT ship them, I refuse-

“You care for her still? If only you knew the disdain in which she holds you. She’s giving you up.” “No… never… I love her.” - oh my god?!?!?

“She would never betray me…” “I can give you Asriel. He’s trying to protect her.” - NOOO DO NOT DO IT

HE KNEW SHE WAS CLOSE BY HE KNEW IT IM-

“Marisa, no…” - GIRL DO NOT DO IT I SWEAR

“Your dæmons are in the tower - cut them through to a safe world. I’ll find you wherever you are.” - I’m starting to remember how the book ends and my heart is hurting, it’s coming so soon…

“So… you did come.” - YES SHE DID PAN 😭 please forgive her

WILL SEEING KIRJAVA FOR THE FIRST TIME 😭❤️ and her going “… Will.” 🥹

“How could you bear it? Leaving me behind?” 😭

“We should be together. Please.” But the damage is done… if you’ve read TSC, you know 😭

What is that monkey doing? Is he helping them escape? HE PULLED THE LEVER ASDFGHJKL

“For Lyra.” 😭❤️

MARISA HELPING ASRIEL UP, ASRIEL AND MARISA GRAPPLING WITH METATRON TOGETHER, and then STELMARIA RUNNING AND JUMPING AND THEM ALL TUMBLING INTO THE ABYSS 😭😭😭💔💔💔 IT HAPPENED IT HAPPENED IVE BEEN WAITING YEARS-

The monkey and Lyra looking at each other 😭 and she knows, she knows her mother has helped them-

NOT STELMARIA FADING TO DUST 😭

LYRA AND THE MONKEY REACHING OUT FOR EACH OTHER AND HE STARTS FADING AWAY NO NO NO

NOT ME GETTING UPSET AND CRYING OVER THAT DAMN BASTARD GOBLIN POS MONKEY 😭😭😭

Lyra having to wipe her eyes 😭 same, me too-

I knew this episode would end the Asriel/Marisa/Metatron storyline, I just knew it

“Cloud’s gone. It’s all gone. The war’s over.” 🥺😭

I know we’ve still got an episode left but I’m already weeping because I’ve waited 15 years for this adaptation to come, to see this whole trilogy adapted right, and now it’s happened

Ogunwe seeing his daughters 🥹

“Can we go now? I wanna see Pan.” - YES 😭👏🏻

DAMN ONE EPISODE LEFT

Episode 8: The Botanic Garden

Just from the title alone I know this is going to cause me pain but let’s DO IT

Damn, they didn’t even do a recap on this episode (or at least my iPlayer didn’t?)

LAST TIME LETS GO WE DIE LIKE (WO)MEN

Lyra waking up and the first thing she asks for is Pan 🥺

Also Lyra going for a swim because she’s all dirty, don’t blame her quite frankly

“After everything we’ve been through and now we’re here… doesn’t seem real” - same

Lyra knows her mother is dead :(

“I should be relieved… there’s so many things I don’t understand about my parents (…) like why they weren’t honest with me. Why they did such horrible things. Why wasn’t she interested in me for 13 years and then suddenly she was… why did they abandon me?” 😭😭😭

Lyra saying she doesn’t hate Asriel but can’t forgive him, and “I have the strangest feeling he’s gone… which means I’m alone” 😭 and Will saying no she’s not ❤️

Will splashing her and then jumping in 😂

“What?” “Nothing… I’m just glad you washed” LMFAO

“She doesn’t look like she misses me. She seems fine.” - oh Pan :(

“Think how good it will be to be with them again. To be close.” - Kirjava ❤️

“What if it doesn’t feel the same? What if it never does?” “Lyra loves you. We’re finally in the same world, we’re safe here.” - 1) I’m sad because of TSC all over again and 2) I’m sad because I know how this ends

NOT FATHER GOMEZ I FORGOT ABOUT HIM ASDFGHJKL

No but where did the clean clothes come from???

“But there’s someone else we need to meet.” - IS IT MARY??

“I don’t feel torn apart, and I know he’s safe.” - 😭🥹

AHHH LYRA AND WILL SEEING THE MULEFA HERD AND BEING LIKE “they’re riding on wheels!”

I like that Will’s reaction to this new creature speaking a different language is just “… Hello :D”, I love him

MARY AND LYRA REUNION 😭❤️

Mary going “oh god look at you” because Lyra is so grown up 😭

Oh my gOD FATHER GOMEZ FUCK OFF ALREADY

I wanna squash his dæmon, I don’t care, I wanna squish it and murder it

Not him shooting and killing the local wildlife, fuck you dude

“They have less Sraf than you” - ahhh because they’re still teenagers and Mary is an adult, and Dust is what causes dæmons to settle/kids to become adults, I get it

“No pods, poor things” - XD

“I’ve been all over the place but I think this is my favourite world” - same, Lyra, same, it’s so peaceful

“How do you treat a tree with respect?” - quite easily I think, Will???

“We have the stupid idea as humans that we’re the pinnacle of evolution, but we’ve got so much wrong” — 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

“It’s the answer to the question to the question you asked me in Oxford - whether Dust is sin (…) it’s the spark that means we’re alive, it’s consciousness.” “So Dust isn’t sin… it’s just as good or bad as we are.” 👏🏻🥹

The trees dying is truly heartbreaking omg 😭💔

“It’s the Dust disappearing. It’s just flooding out of the world: thought, imagination, feeling all blowing away” 😭💔

There’s got to be a way of saving it, surely…? Like this world can’t just disappear??

“… So when Pan’s a wolverine, you know you’ve pissed her off” OMFG 💀🤣

“Like a nun-nun from our world?” Will omg 😅

“Mary, tell them stories” - YES PLEASE DO

Mary’s story oh my god

“And then I met someone… she wasn’t like the other academics” - LESBIAN MARY MALONE I REPEAT LESBIAN MARY MALONE

“Years ago when I was at school, those butterflies in the pit of my stomach, that ache to be close to someone… I think I had just been too afraid to recognise it before, but I didn’t want to forget it this time.” - AND THE SHOTS OF WILL AND LYRA AHHHHH

“I knew I couldn’t go back to the convent after that, I just couldn’t bear the idea of living without ever feeling that alive. And I thought… will anyone be better off if I just go back to the hotel and say my prayers, and promise to never fall into temptation again? And the answer came back… no. No one will. And I realised, there was no one there to reward me for being a good girl or no one there to punish me for being wicked. There was no one. And it was… it was liberating.” — the fact that Mary is Irish adds a whole other layer to it because of the whole “Irish Catholic guilt” thing, but also just in general… wow. Just wow.

“I wanted to experience love. (L: And did you?)… yeah. (W: Were you scared?) Oh my god, I was terrified. I was risking everything and I was sure I’d be rejected, but… it was worth it. It’s rare when it happens, when you feel that way you have to grab it. It’s funny, isn’t it? One little moment… all she did was offer me a sweet and it changed my life forever. For the first time I was doing something with all of my nature, not just a part of it.” — I CANNOT TAKE IT, THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL

I can’t get over the looks between Lyra and Will, I knew it was happening obviously because of the books but stILL to actually see it onscreen???

“Where are you, Pan? There’s so many things I want to talk to you about.” 😭

Dear GOD DUDE FATHER GOMEZ GO AWAY IM SO DONE WITH YOU

Oh Mary totally knows something is going on between them even if they don’t yet

“What if she settles as something really bad, like… a mosquito or a slug or a fish?” “I heard of a man whose dæmon was a dolphin, but he’s a sailor so it’s fine” - I REMEMBER THAT STORY ABOUT THAT MAN FJDKDKDKD

Nooo not Gomez seeing them together I wanna punch him so bad-

“I don’t think anyone can understand… apart from you.” - oh my god Will 😭

“I think she’s… right… about a lot of things” - oh Will is NOT subtle in the slightest is he-

Lyra stepping closer, “yeah? What things?” ASDFGHJKL

“Dust… trees!” - smooth, Will, real fuckin smooth 🤣

Gomez was about to shoot Lyra while she was frolicking in the water but an Angel stopped him oh my god

ITS BALTHAMOS

“Desire is not sin. Love takes a million forms, each of them beautiful, each of them worthy. You who judge, just afraid.” 👏🏻

BALTHAMOS SQUASHED GOMEZ’S DÆMON, KILLED GOMEZ, AND THEN HE DIED TOO AND HIS LAST WORD WAS “BARUCH” 😭❤️

There’s something very innocent about these two teenagers clearly falling in love and sitting by the water in their underclothes and not realising why that would be seen as wrong because it’s so innocent and sweet and new 😭

WILL AND LYRA KISS I REPEAT WILL AND LYRA KISS I SCREAMED SO LOUD OH MY GOD

AND THE DUST SETTLING OVER THEM AND THE DUST RETURNING TO THE WORLD ASDFGHJKL THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

“The prophecy has been fulfilled. The love of Eve shall heal the earth and all the world shall feel it. Nature will be restored, hope will spark in darkness as innocence turns to experience, all will be in harmony once more.” - OH MY GOD AND THE SHOTS OF THE DIFFERENT WORLDS AND PLACES ASDFGHJKL

Those shy little smiles after they finished kissing omg

“Do you think Pan knows? I think he guessed” - he probably did let’s be real here lmfao

“I want to show you Jordan… proper Oxford. We can go to yours too… go to the cinema again.” - oh these kids are so hopeful 😭🥺

Pan and Kirjava!!!

“One who has given the world such a gift deserves a name… Kirjava.” — AHHHHH

Pan: Kirjava… suits you — 😭👏🏻❤️

“Why aren’t you with Will and Lyra? Are you still punishing them for their betrayal? But you love them still, don’t you? And you are not severed.” “No… we’re still one. But it was so painful.” - 🥺🥺🥺

“They will need you for what is to come” - OH BOY HERE WE GO

Pan and Kirjava coming back to their humans 😭❤️

“Pan…” “You left me. I’ve had to travel so far to find you again.” “I’m so sorry. I’m so grateful. I didn’t want to. I’m sorry. Please, I’m sorry. I missed you. I love you.” “Lyra…” AND THEN HE RUNS AND HUGS HER 😭

“I hoped you’d settle as a pine marten… suits you.” “I like it too.” 😭❤️

ALSO PAN SETTLED?!?!

“I’m… Kirjava.” WILL MEETING KIRJAVA PROPERLY

WILL AND LYRA TOUCHING EACH OTHER’S DÆMONS, THE MOST INTIMATE OF ACTS WHEN DONE CONSENSUALLY, I CANNOT COPE WITH THIS-

“Thanks to you, the multiverse is healing.” “I barely did anything.” “You showed two innocents what it was to dare, and by discovering their love, they have drawn Dust back into our worlds.” “Is that really all it took? Something so small and ordinary?” “Love is never small to those who discover it for the first time.” — brb, crying yet AGAIN over this series

“For centuries, Dust has been flowing out of the universe… what Lyra and Will have done has turned that tide. But their love alone is not enough to sustain it forever.” - oh no, no no no, it’s about to happen

“Every window that exists must be closed” - 😭😭😭 I know what’s coming and I hate it

“Each time the knife makes a cut, the flow of Dust increases and from the tear in the space between worlds some darkness is released, bring destruction across all of the worlds. It can take the form of many things: a plague, a spectre…” - 😭

But also does this mean that Covid was a result of the subtle knife??? 💀😳👀

“But if Will can’t use the knife, and if we can’t leave the windows open, then how will we…? We have to choose worlds, Will’s or mine?” “You can’t live in someone else’s world for long. Our dæmons wouldn’t survive. It means we can’t stay in the same world together.” - THERE IT IS 😭💔

“No! You can’t come here and just say that! After everything we’ve been through, it’s not fair! … it’s not fair…” 😭😭😭 they’ve literally just fallen in love and they have to separate already

Them walking away holding hands 😭

Oh nooo she’s already lost the ability to read the Alethiometer 😭😭😭

“It’s not broken, Lyra… you’ve changed. You’ve grown up.” “So… that’s it? I will never be able to read it again?” “The knowledge still exists but you’ll have to learn it, like those before you. You read it by Grace, and you can regain it by work.” “What’s the point? Why did we get here? Why did we go through everything we went through just to be forced apart?” — 😭

“I didn’t know it was possible to feel this bad.” “It won’t always feel like this.” “I don’t want to not feel like this about Lyra… I only want her.” - NOT WILL AND MARY’S COVERSATION IM TRYING TO HOLD IT TOGETHER SO BAD

“You know all those stories that say the greatest love is the one you can’t live without? The one that you’re prepared to die for? That’s not right. That’s not what love is. I know it seems romantic to die for love but it’s much more romantic to live for it.” — 😭💔

“You will never lose what you have with Will, you have shaped each other forever. And I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but you will have a future, Lyra” - and Lyra is just sitting there crying 😢 I hate it here-

“If humanity set their minds to discovery and their hearts to compassion, they may create enough Dust for a single opening to remain. But you already know where that window must be.” “The Land of the Dead.” “We can’t close that window, it’s the most important one.” — 😭💔

Will has to break the knife once they’re back in their own worlds 😭😭😭 and the angels will help close the windows

“There are fates even the most powerful have to submit to.” - 💔

“I love you. I’m not gonna stop loving you until the day I die.” “I love you.” - KILL ME. It would hurt FAR LESS

“We will come back here, when we’ve lived our lives, we’ll go through the Land of the Dead and we’ll tell Gracious-Wings everything we’ve done. We’ll find each other here. I’ll be drifting about until I find you.” “And I’ll be searching for you every moment. Every single moment.” “When we do find each other again… no one will be able to tear us apart. We’ll be joined so tightly… Every atom of me and every atom of you. When they use our atoms to make new lives, they’ll have to take two; one for you and one for me. We’ll be in the flowers and in the sunbeams… we’ll be joined so tight.” — okay no I’m full on sobbing and crying and shaking, I can’t cope with this, I can’t do anything but cry now

Lyra and Will embracing and holding each other, just clinging to each other on the floor as they cry 😭💔

“Don’t forget us, Mary. Keep telling stories.” - 😭💔 this whole episode is just a massive HEARTBREAK I CANNOT-

We’re back to Lyra’s Oxford 😭

NOT THE BENCH, NOT THE FUCKING BENCH NO I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THE BENCH FUCK YOU PHILIP PULLMAN

“You know you could see your dæmon too, if you wanted” - oh my god yes?!?! I KNEW she met her dæmon at some point, I knew I didn’t imagine it!

“There you are.” - AHHH HER DÆMON IS A BIRD

“We can come back here every year. You in your world and me in mine. Midsummer’s Day. Midday.” “And I’ll be there. I’ll be there every year, my whole life.” “And if we do meet someone we like, we must be kind to them - we won’t compare them. We’ll come here, just for an hour… we can be together.” “Every year. I promise.” - ASDFGHJKL THIS HURTS MY HEART IT HURTS

“Just do it!” 😭😭😭 she wants him to just do it because she knows it’s going to happen and hanging around prolonging it is just so much more painful

Lyra and Mary hugging goodbye 😭 “I’ll never forget you” - STOP

“I’ll break the knife as soon as I’m through because I’ll know I’ll just want to come back to you.” - THIS POST IS JUST ME SOBBING NOW EXCUSE ME-

“What is it?” “I’m just trying to imagine what you’ll look like when you’re older.” “Handsome of course.” “Very.” - EXCUSE ME

Will stepping through the window and going to close it, stopping and them then kissing 😭 “Lyra.” “Will.” AND THEN THEY KISS AND HE CLOSES THE WINDOW FUUUUUCK-

Lyra: *crying* // Me: BITCH ME TOO

“Just think of her” (to break the knife) - and it’s a series of flashbacks of her and him throughout the whole series I feel SICK-

The snow falling on Svalbard and Iorek 😭

Lyra’s back at Jordan College 😭❤️ but so much has changed

Will going back to his mum 😭💔 and then them hugging as Kirjava watches with a little smile I’m-

ONE YEAR LATER?!?! ONE YEAR LATER I’M-

She’s dressed like a student I’m-

ARE THEY GOING TO THE GARDEN?!?

“We can come back here every year. You in your world, me in mine. We can be together. I’ll be there every year. My whole life. I promise.”

THE FADES AS THEY GET OLDER AND WITH EACH YEAR, THE SPLIT SCREEN OF THEM AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE BENCH, THEM REACHING OUT TO HOLD EACH OTHER’S HANDS, WILL’S MISSING FINGERS

“Lyra.” Being the last line of this show, oh my GOD.

THE ENDING TITLE CARDS

“Will and Lyra continued to return to their bench at the same time, every year. They kept their promise to each other, going on to live full lives in their own worlds. Will became a medical student and later, a successful surgeon. Lyra went on to be educated at St Sophia’s College in Oxford, where she was taught how to once again read the Alethiometer… Which would come in useful one day, when Lyra and Pan would go on to have a further great adventure. But that’s another story…”

THE BOOK OF DUST/THE SECRET COMMONWEALTH ADAPTATION CONFIRMED?!? IS THAT WHATS GOING ON?!?

Okay… wow… okay.

I’ll admit that in S1, I had issues with the show as a longtime fan of the books; perhaps I was too busy comparing it to the movie or whatever else, but also I had complaints about the lack of dæmons on-screen and how that really hurt the first series as a result (eg. The Billy Costa scene). Thankfully in S2 and S3, that issue was resolved and not a problem in the slightest, which I’m so glad for. I feel like for me personally, Subtle Knife (S2) and Amber Spyglass (S3) had the benefit of not having been adapted for the screen before (unlike Northern Lights/S1), so it was able to stand up as it’s own adaptation easier and not necessarily have the movie looming over it (if that makes sense). Because while I agree the movie was not great and didn’t do justice to the books, it was still an expensive blockbuster with hype and big names attached.

Right now I really want to reread TAS - I reread TSK when S2 was airing so it feels right to reread TAS now, but I’m reading Outlander still so I’ll have to put it off a few days 😭 - and also I want to take the trip to the Botanical Garden in Oxford where Lyra and Will meet every year. I don’t know if other fans do that but it’s something I’ve wanted to do a while, and now I want to do it more than ever. I’ll have to remind myself closer to the Midsummer’s Day to do it!

Honestly, I’m so emotional over this whole series. Was it a perfect adaptation? No, no adaptation is 100% accurate or perfect, things get changed or cut for whatever reason. But it was beautifully done, and I’m so unbelievably happy that it was finally done justice. I truly don’t think I could have asked for a better adaptation of a series that has meant so much to me for fifteen whole years. I’m so grateful that I live in a time where this series has been given the love and attention it deserves, and I can only hope that people viewing the show first have gone on to read Philip Pullman’s books, that it’s inspired them to read those too.

The cast have been spectacular throughout, especially the main cast members: Dafne Keen, Ruth Wilson, James McAvoy, Amir Wilson… gosh, all of them. And then of course the voice cast have been amazing too, especially Kit Connor as Pantalaimon since that’s literally the main voice role throughout this whole series. I’m just so blown away at this point, I can barely type it.

[hyperion-moonbabe-art3mis]

Virago 36. Fry Her

Summary: Y/N was sent to the ground after spending five years in the Skybox for stealing medical supplies and murder. How will she deal with her new environment and learn to survive on earth? Will she crack under the pressure of becoming a leader of the 100 or will she embrace it. 

Post Date: 09.23.2022

Word count: 3k

Based off: 03x11 “Nevermore”

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x Reader

Masterlist

100 Master List

You all head back to the cave to gather your stuff before heading back to Arkadia. 

“I don’t understand it either. Something about those chips,” Monty says as you nod in agreement.

“We’ll know soon enough. Be ready,” Sinclair replies.

“O, wait. You can’t just leave,” Bellamy says as the two of you notice Octavia packing up.

“Watch me,” She replies.

“You heard what Jasper said on the radio. Arkadia is not safe,” Bellamy replies back.

“What Jasper said sounds insane. Pike’s gone. I can handle myself. Grounders burn their dead,” Octavia says.

“I know that. And then what? Where are you gonna go?” Bellamy says.

“You don’t get to ask me that,” Octavia snaps.

“What more do I have to do to prove that I am on your side?” Bellamy asks.

“Bring Lincoln back. Turning Pike in does not make you one of the good guys, Bellamy. You did that to save me. Not because what you thought Pike was doing to the Grounders was wrong. ” O responds.

“The Grounders were starving us out,” Bellamy states.

“Because you massacred an army that was sent to protect us,” You interrupt.

“That army could have attacked us at any time, and you both know that,” Bellamy says, turning his attention to you.

“But they didn’t attack. You did that,” You say.

“You were hurting, and you lashed out. Because that’s what you do. There are consequences, Bel. People get hurt. People die. Your people. Monroe’s dead. Lincoln is dead,” Octavia adds before walking away. Bellamy goes to follow O out of the cave, and you hear the noise of an approaching rover.

“They’re here,” You hear Miller say from outside the cave. You walk out of the cave and see Clarke get out of the rover.

“Need your help! We have to get her inside before she wakes up!” You hear Jasper yell and look to see him carrying Raven.

“Were you followed?” Bellamy asks.

“Maybe. I don’t know.,” Jasper responds.

“Get to the ridge. Radio if you spot anyone following. Harper will stay here on watch,” Miller says.

“Octavia, come one. We need you,” Clarke says as you all head into the cave.

“What the hell happened to her?” Sinclair asks.

“I told you on the radio, Raven is not Raven anymore. None of them are. Jaha has been chipping everyone,” Jasper explains.

“Jasper’s right. I’ve seen it with my own eyes,” Clarke confirms.

“I don’t need your help, all right?” Jasper snaps.

“Just take it easy and explain,” You say calmly.

“Jaha is using the chips to control everyone. You swallow it, and it changes you. You forget who you are, and then you see this thing, Alie. Only she’s not really there. She made Raven slit her own wrists. She was trying to get her out of her head. I was trying to help her but –,” Jasper explains.

“Okay, so let’s help her now. Did she say how?” Sinclair interrupts.

“She was working on building something. She needed one of her old wristbands, but Jaha destroyed all of them,” Jasper says.

“Wait a second,” Clarke says before pulling out a little item of some sort. “Does it look like this?” Clarke says.

“Not exactly,” Jasper says. 

Suddenly, you notice Raven running away, and you all chase after her, “Don’t let her get away,” Clarke yells.

“It’s just woods. I can’t see anything,” Raven says as everyone goes to restrain her.

“If Raven finds out where we are, so will Alie. She’ll come for her,” Jasper says before sticking something in her neck.

“We have to go,” Clarke says.

“Why? Alie doesn’t know where we are,” Bellamy questions.

“Because I know where we can get a wristband,” Clarke says. You pack everything up and head to some outpost Clarke tells you about.

“I’ll talk to her,” Clarke says.

“I’ll go with you,” You say and get out of the rover. 

“I thought you said she was a friend,” Octavia says after noticing the blade the woman is holding.

“We’ll handle it. Just stay here,” Clarke says.

“Skaikru is not welcome here, Wanheda,” The woman says as you approach.

“Niylah, what’s wrong?” Clarke asks the woman.

“She’s waking up. Hurry! Let’s get her inside,” You hear Sinclair.

“Is your father here?” Clarke asks.

“My father’s dead. Part of an army killed by your people while trying to protect you,” Niylah says.

“Niylah, please.” Clarke asks.

“I said no,” She responds.

“We haven’t got time for this. Move! Move!” Bellamy says, coming up with his gun ready. “Get her in there,” Bellamy says.

“I told you my mom was here. If she was chipped, Alie would know,” Monty states.

“That’s why we’re putting her in the back, through there,” Clarke says. “Tie her to the bed,” Clarke says, tossing you some rope.

Raven begins to struggle and takes off her blindfold, “Where the hell am I?” She yells.

“Hold her,” Sinclair says. As she struggles, you all begin to tie her to the bed. She punches you in the face as she fights everyone to find out where she is.

“Hold her hands! Fight it!” Bellamy says as you all are finally able to get her hands and feet restrained.

“Let me go!” She yells as you all watch her. 

You walk out from the back with Clarke, Monty, and Sinclair to talk about a game plan. “How the hell do we get that thing out of her head?” You ask.

“Working on it,” Monty replies before Clarke talks to Niylah.

Bellamy walks back to you, “ You okay?” He asks, noticing you rub your face.

“Yeh. You?” You respond.

“Fine,” He responds. 

You all file into a different room to figure out how Raven wanted to use the old wristband. “Niylah said we can work in here. So how do we do this?” Clarke says.

“We think Raven wanted to use this wristband to generate an EMP. Which is freakishly brilliant,” Sinclair explains as Monty inspects it.

“Meaning what?” Bellamy asks.

“A targeted electromagnetic pulse could destroy the chip’s circuitry. We could use this to send an EMP along Raven’s own nervous system. Just need to reverse the polarity, wire for external input, and attach a battery,” Sinclair further explains.

“But what would that do to her?” You ask.

“EMPs don’t affect our bodies. But I don’t know the mechanics of how this chip integrates with her brain,” Sinclair says.

“This was Raven’s plan. She wouldn’t do it if it was gonna destroy her brain,” Bellamy says.

“Depends how bad she wanted it out,” Octavia says, coming into the room.

“Regardless, without an electromagnet, this is just talk,” Sinclair says.

“Where do we get one?” You ask.

“The Ark. Every station had a pulsed inductive thruster for maneuvering,” Sinclair says.

“Arkadia’s out of the question. It’s too dangerous, you heard them,” Bellamy states.

“We use the dropship. It has PI thrusters just like the Ark,” Monty says.

“That’s good. Okay. I’ll go salvage the magnet,” Sinclair says. 

“Uhh no. You should stay with Raven and figure out how this thing works. I’ll take the rover. Be back by the time you finish the device,” Monty says.

“I’ll go with you,” Octavia says.

“Guys!” You hear Jasper yell from the other room. You get into the room and see Raven trying to get her ties off and Jasper standing there and doing nothing.

“Stop her!” You urge.

“Jasper, get that side,” Bellamy says.

“She’s reopened her wounds. She’s gonna bleed to death. I need bandages.” Clarke says. 

“Raven, stop fighting us,” You say as Clarke tries to clean up her wounds.

“Alie. Alie. Alie! Look at me. I know you can hear this. Why are you doing this to her? Let her go,” Jasper says.

“I’ll let her go when you give me what I want. The technology that Clarke carries, it belongs to me,” Raven says in a voice that's not hers.

“No way,” Clarke says.

“Clarke, just give it to her. Clarke!” Jasper says.

“If you let Raven die, you’ll never get it,” Clarke responds. All of a sudden, Raven stops struggling. “Untie her wrist. Hold her steady,” Clarke says and then works on fixing Raven’s shoulder.

“Clarke. She’s never gonna stop trying to get away. We can’t let her hurt herself again. Someone has to stay with her,” You state.

“I’ll be first watch. We’ll take turns,” Clarke says.

“You don't give the orders, Clarke,” Jasper erupts.

“Guess he doesn’t forgive you for murdering his girlfriend,” Raven says.

“Jasper, take a break,” You say before walking back into the front of the outpost.

“Hey, you good?” You hear Bellamy say from behind you.

“Just peachy,” You respond sarcastically. “You?” 

“Could be better,” Bellamy says. “You sure you’re good?” He asks, rubbing where Raven punched you. 

“Yeh. Just a little scratch,” You say and move his hand from your face. 

“I’m sorry if I hurt you in any way,” He says.

“Sorry? You massacred an army that wouldn’t have attacked if it weren’t for you and Pike. Maybe we could’ve avoided this chaos if you stopped him,” You say.

“I understand what I did was wrong, but –” Bellamy starts before you hear Clarke yelling from inside the tradepost. The both of you rush in and pull Clarke out of the room. 

“I’ll take next watch,” You say and head into the room with Raven. “Don’t even think about it, Alie, “ You say, knowing that she’ll try to get into your head too. Bellamy and Jasper come in to join you a few moments later, taking the seats on the other side of the table. 

“Look at your united front,” Raven says. “Tell me, why do you give Bellamy a pass for murdering your girlfriend? What was her name?” Raven asks.

“Don’t talk about Maya, “ Jasper says under his breath.

“You don’t have to listen to this,” You say.

“Let’s protect Jasper. Jasper’s so sensitive. Jasper’s lost someone. Everyone cater to his feelings. We’ve all lost someone. You don’t see us falling apart. You don’t see us getting wasted. Being useless,” Raven taunts.

“No, you took a pill to take your pain away. You gave up your memories,” Jasper responds.

“But then, why should we expect anything more? You used to get high off people’s medicine. Being a selfish loser was your only move,” Raven says.

“Stop,” Jasper says.

“That’s all we see when we look at you. A coward. A waste of breath. Why do you even bother living? You’re weak. Pathetic. You can’t save me. You can’t even save yourself. You couldn’t save whats-her name,” Raven continues.

“You know her name!” Jasper bursts out.

“Jasper, think. It’s not Raven talking. And you’re giving her what she wants. Go, “You say to Jasper. He thinks a little bit before walking out of the room, realizing you were right.

“And then there were two. The two that couldn’t even save their own parents. Did you know that you two shared that? That you both killed your own parents? You,” Raven taunts, turning her head towards you. “You killed all those guards and yet still failed at saving him. In fact, you killed both of your parents. Even after stealing all that medicine, your mom still didn’t survive her sickness,” Raven says.

“You don’t know me or have a right to speak about my life,” You say.

“And now, you’re trying to run away from that life, the life of a comfortable, privileged, little girl with parents on the Council. You have been ever since you were locked up. Making sure no one knew who you used to be. Pretending to be someone who didn’t have the privileges that you did,” Raven continues.

“What makes you think that?” I question.

“And you,” Raven says, turning her head to Bellamy. “Does it bother you that you don’t get any credit for the genocide at Mount Weather? Clarke gets to be the Commander of Death, but you murdered all these people, too, and you’re just forgotten. Then again…you didn’t get any credit for the culling on the Ark, either. How many people suffocated when you threw away my radio? You know, at least Clarke was saving her own people. You were just saving your own ass. Of course, that’s nothing… compared to killing your own mom. Just. Like. Y/N. You just had to take little sister to her first dance. You might as well have just shoved Aurora out the airlock yourself. Do you think she would be proud of you now? For the kind of leader, you’ve become? Or would she see the truth, like the rest of us do?  That you're a follower. Clarke’s been back one day, and you’re already taking orders. Too bad you were never that devoted to Gina,” raven says.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Bellamy says back.

“Don’t worry. Gina was already dead when mount weather blew up. And you avenged her, right? I mean, you picked up a gun and slaughtered an army that was sent to protect us. That had nothing to do with blowing sweet Gina to bits. But, hey, a grounders a grounder, right?” Raven says as Niylah enters the room.

“My father… you killed him,” Niylah says and slaps Bellamy.

“Niylah. Niylah. You can’t be in here,” Clarke says as she tries to drag her out.

“It’s too late. Raven’s already seen her. Alie knows we’re here,” jasper says, upset. 

You follow Bellamy outside and watch as he kicks a barrel over. Knowing he’s upset. He starts to punch something, and you run towards him. “Bell, Bell. Hey,” You say, taking his hand into yours. “She’s getting into your head, trying to rile you up. Just like she’s done to the rest of us. You know what she said isn’t true,” You say.

“Yes, it is,” He responds.

“Look, yes. Some of the facts are right, but Alie. She doesn’t know the real you,” You say. 

He sighs, “Are you ok? I mean the things–,” He starts.

“I’m fine,” You say as you hear a rover approach.

“You sure you don’t want to talk about it?” He asks.

“I’m fine,” You say and kiss his cheek. Luckily it was Monty and Octavia.

“What happened?” You ask as Monty just walks past both of you. You all make it back to the room Ravenn is in as Sinclair starts to explain when needs to be done.

“All we have to do is connect her and activate the electromagnet,” Sinclair says. You all start to work on getting everything set up, but Raven struggles and then begins banging her head on the back of the bed. 

“She’s trying to kill herself,” Bellamy realizes. You all struggle to restrain her, but it's no use.

“Stop, and I’ll give you this,” Clarke says as she holds up the Flame. Raven immediately stops, and you quickly grab the wristband and put it on Raven.

“No, you lied! You lied! No. No, please, don’t. The MEP will give me brain damage. You know it will. Please, don’t do this,” Raven pleads. 

“Don’t listen to her,” Octavia says.

“Please. You know it will! Sinclair, stop! Sinclair, no. No!” Raven continues to plead.

“We’ve only got one shot at this. EMP will fry the wristband, too,” Sinclair says.

“Do it,” Bellamy says. Once everything was ready, Sinclair quickly works to start the EMP. 

“What’s happening?” You ask as it seemed like nothing had happened. 

“Nothing. We need more power. The battery’s not strong enough,” Sinclair says.

“Well, then get one, that is,” Clarke says.

“The rover,” Monty responds. Monty and Bellamy go to grab the battery from the rover and switch it out for the other battery. Sinclair activates the EMP, and Raven screams out in pain before her body finally relaxes.

“She’s breathing,” You say as you feel her pulse.

“Raven? Come on, Raven. Hey. Come on, wake up,” Clarke says, shaking her.

“What are you doing?” Clarke says as Jasper hastily moves to the other side of the room.

“Don’t move!,” He says, placing the box with the Flame in it on the table.

“No. You can’t. No. Give it back,” Clarke says.

“Alie did that to Raven. She’s never gonna get this!” Jasper says as he gets ready to smash the Flame.

“Don’t! Stop. it’s Lexa. part of her is still in there. I saw them cut it out of her head. I’m not…” Clarke says before stopping herself.

“What is it?” Bellamy asks. 

“Both the AIs were made by the same person. Both tap into human consciousness. They must work similarly, right?” Clarke asks.

“Well, there’s probably only one pathway to consciousness, so it’s possible, yeah,” Sinclair says.

“What does this have to do with anything?” Octavia asks.

“I’ve seen an AI get removed before. Help me get her on her side,” Clarke says, and you all work to move Raven. “Get that med kit from my bag,” Clarke requests and cuts into the back of Raven’s neck. Soon enough, a gross goo comes out of her neck.

“What is that?” You ask.

“It must be whatever’s left of the chip,” Sinclair says. Soon enough, Raven starts to wake up.

“I never thought i’d be so happy to see someone in pain,” Octavia says, noticing how stiff Raven is from all of the pain she put herself in.

“I could’ve saved my mom,” Monty says. Making you realize that his mom had died when they went to the Dropship. He walks out of the room before anyone could say anything. 

“Alie knows we're here. We gotta move,” Bellamy says, and you all begin to pack up.

You go to wrap some cloth around the hand that Bellamy injured, “You’ll recover,” You say.

“Will I?” He responds. “What do you do when you realize…you might not be the good guy?” He questions.

“Maybe there are no good guys,” You respond. You start to walk off to help load the rover, but Bellamy grabs your arm.

“Hey. Are you sure you’re alright? You don’t want to tal–” Bellamy says.

“We need to go,” You say, pushing him off and going to load the rover.

“Hey. there’s one thing I don’t understand. Why did Alie want you to kill yourself?” Clarke asks Raven.

“Because I know why she wants a second AI,” Raven says.

“Why?” Bellamy questions.

“It’s the only thing that can stop her,” Raven reveals.

“Then let’s stop her. We survive together,” Octavia says, and you all get into the rover.

A/N: Welcome back to the world of the 100. Sorry for the hiatus, and thanks for reading.

🏷: @misfortunatem00n  | @mystic-writings​​ | @thebeautifulbookworm​​ | @wintrfld​ | @simonsbluee​ | @iwishilivedinthesims​ | @awkwardspontaneity​ | @hurricane-abigail​ | @how-does-this-work​ | @lizlil​ | @vxidnik​ | @hh0n3yppie

[daydream-cement]

The Cedars Have Eyes Ch. 11

Characters: Larissa Weems x OC (Fern Rogers)

Synopsis: Our main characters decide to be honest with themselves and one another.

Authors Note: Huge thank you to @agirlwithtwodogs for talking this chapter out with me! Definitely gave me some direction! This chapter is shorter and MAYBE ITS CORNY BUT ITS BEAUTIFUL TO ME!

You sat in the hot bath water, a shiver running down your back as your body tried to regain homeostasis. Larissa was on her knees on the bathroom floor, scooping cups of hot water over your head, covering your forehead with a hand so it didn’t run all over your face. She was such a good caretaker. You wondered if there ever would have been a day where you could have truly returned the favor.

“You could get sick from getting this cold. The lake isn’t warm enough for swimming.” Larissa scolded, her hand dropping the cup into the water and her fingers dipping down into the water, checking to see if the tub was still warm.

“We didn’t go to swim. Well maybe Rowan did. She pulled me in and… it just reminded me of when we were young. We began racing to the crypt like when we were students here… It was stupid.” You brought your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them as you spoke.

Larissa paused a moment, rethinking her approach to the situation, “That’s not stupid. That probably was fun…”

“It was… Something grabbed my ankle. It pulled me down into a cave, Larissa. There is an underwater cave and it leads to the crypt. Rowan tried saving me.” You began explaining the rest of the story, “We found the last name and behind the vault door, Crackstone was there. Him and Alias, I think.”

“Alias Mason? The one who killed the council?”

“Yes! I think he is still under Crackstone’s control. He is the one who tried killing us. Well, Crackstone told him to kill Rowan, they wanted me alive.” You took a deep breath and released your knees, submerging them back into the water.

Larissa thought for a moment, remembering the discussion they all had after she visited the Council of 12 Cedars, “So do you think he is looking to control you in the same way?”

“It’s possible, but I don’t know how he controls him…” You were still stumped by that. You were hoping it wouldn’t be another run in with poisonous plants, “Then when they realized we were outside the vault, Crackstone sent Alias after us. We ran up a flight of stairs that led into the coffin.”

“And that’s where I found you…” Larissa finished the story herself.

You both sat in silence a little bit longer. Larissa fidgeted with the bath, draining some water out and replacing it with hotter water, even adding soap so there would be some bubbles.

There had been a lot on your mind after today. Knowing how close you were to your final day, you knew that you had to share everything, “It was so scary. I was crying in the coffin. I couldn’t help it. How am I supposed to save everyone like the trees say when I couldn’t even handle that? Rowan and you were the ones to truly save me.”

Larissa thought for a moment. She thought about the portions of the past few weeks that she hadn’t shared with you. She didn’t have time to speak however because you kept going.

“And I keep trying to protect everyone, but none of it is working. I think I’m hurting everyone more than I protect them….” You thought for a long hard moment and began sharing details that you should have long ago, “I know I’m down to 5 days until the next full moon, but I don’t die in 5 days. I die in 8 days. I’ll be trapped down there for 3 days… I don’t know what’s going to happen to me.”

Larissa felt her breath catch at the revelation. How she desperately wished you would have told her sooner. Your vulnerability and openness made Larissa question herself, “I’ve been trying to protect you too. Now, I’m beginning to question if I haven’t been honest enough with you.”

You look up at her. Deep down you could feel Larissa guarding you from the truth of some sort, “What is it?”

“When I visited the cedars… They told me that you were going to save everyone, but I am supposed to save you. I don’t know how, but I plan on fulfilling my destiny.” Larissa’s determination was admirable. You were still reeling from the cedars providing her with a specific role in all of this.

“We are ridiculous,” You looked into Larissa’s eyes, shaking your head, “All this time, we should have been working as a team, but we were too busy trying to protect one another.”

“Better late than never.”

———

You sat on the kitchen counter, wearing an old sweater of Larissa’s. She was heating up food for the both of you. You both continued admitting a variety of withheld secrets from one another.

“Those dreams about the vines: I was having then since the meeting house and for a week or so before the sleepwalking. The dreams about being buried alive started as soon as I went into the crypt that first time. I remember going out into the woods to scream just to feel something. I lied to you and told you I just went for a walk.” You admitted, staring down at the kitchen floor, “I found out about where the Council of 12 Cedars was from a dream too.”

“I made Mr. Ottinger tell me where I could find the Council. I didn’t go out there thinking I would speak to them, I just wanted to look around. I was horrifying watching those outcasts consumed by trees.” Larissa shivered at the mere thought of the horrors from that day. This triggered a new thought for you however, “I know Lesil said that Alias didn’t mean to hurt the outcasts but it was-”

“What if I hurt students? What if he takes control of me and I hurt students or other teachers? Larissa, what if I hurt you?” The what-ifs came pouring in and the anxiety began to blossom in your chest. Larissa left the stove unattended so she could pull you into a hug. She loved when you sat on the counter when she cooked, it made you that much taller and that much easier to love on.

“That’s what I’m here for. We will make sure that the students are somewhere safe. I plan on being at your side or helping you however you need.” Knowing that you were less alone in this whole situation by having Larissa and Rowan there for you made the whole thing feel that much easier.

“I’m not ready to die…”

———

You and Larissa laid in bed together, her head resting on your chest. This evening had brought you even closer together, making you wish that you had been more open and communicative during your entire relationship. Like Larissa said, better late than never.

You had her fingers interwoven with yours. You brought them to your lips, pressing kisses to each individual digit. You had so much love for this woman and the fact that you couldn’t spend more time with her was torture. With how honest you had both been tonight, you knew you had to share one final thing.

“Larissa… I wasn’t going to talk to you about this. I actually was just going to wait for you to find it after I was gone, but it wouldn’t be right.” You pull your fingers away from hers and reach into your bedside table, pulling out a black box.

Larissa’s breath hitched, already assuming what was to come next.

“It’s too soon. I know that, but under the circumstances I wanted you to know that I was so happy I could spend the rest of my life with you. There is no one I would rather die loving than you.” With that you opened the box revealing a simple ring with a few small diamonds laid into it. You heart beat so loudly in your chest, you wondered if she could hear it.

“Oh, Fern…” Larissa shifted, propping herself up on an elbow so she could look at you.

“I know it’s fast. If we had more time, I wouldn’t have done this so-” She shut you up with a kiss, fully understanding why you had done what you did.

“Yes. I’m yours.” She pulled the ring from the box and slipped it on her finger. You couldn’t help but cry from how happy you were. In any other timeline, this would’ve been extremely out of the ordinary for you. In this moment, however, you knew you could rest easy knowing that she would be yours until the day you died.

Link to Chapter 12

[adhd-merlin]

merlin S1 rewatch: episode 8

this is a thing I was doing do you remember? do you remember this was a thing I was doing

it’s been like 3 months since I re-watched episode 8 (and 9!) so I’ve just re-re-watched it. Just now.

Would you let something terrible happen if it meant you'd stop something even worse happening in the future?

A fascinating ethical dilemma. Would you pull the lever in the trolley problem? Would you travel back in time and kill baby Hitler?

It isn't just Mordred’s life for Arthur’s, but Mordred’s life against the Golden Age and the freedom for magic people that Arthur is supposed to bring, so I understand why Merlin felt torn. There’s no clear-cut answer, which is what makes this storyline so compelling.

Anyway, let’s start with my main grievance – Mordred’s powers.

Merlin tells Gaius that he heard the Druid boy’s voice inside his head, to which Gaius replies:

Yes, I've heard of this ability. The Druids look for children with such gifts to serve as apprentices.

In this episode, Mordred mind-speech is a special ability that sets him apart from other children. By season 5, any random Druid can use it, to the point that Merlin is surprised when he tries to communicate with Daegal telepathically and the boy cannot hear him. The episode hints to Mordred’s magic being remarkable, even dangerous (like when he magically shatters a mirror in a fit of rage), but by season 5 Mordred barely even uses it.

I am fascinated by Mordred’s backstory and disappointed that the writers forgot their own set-up, or decided to ignore it. 

I only knew Asa Butterfield from Sex Education, so it was weird to see him as young Mordred. He did a good job at looking mysterious and vaguely threatening, though it must be said he spent most of the episode unconscious.

Who was the Druid accompanying Mordred? The Merlin Wiki transcript names him as Mordred’s father, which is not in the credits (where he's only named as “Cerdan”). I didn’t get father-son vibes from their interactions, but maybe it’s just me. My impression was that he was some kind of mentor. Apparently I saw Mordred and decided he was an orphan. Don't ask me why.

We see Arthur trying to challenge his father (in private) multiple times, but he still spends a good chunk of the episode as an antagonist. He searches for Mordred when his father demands it and he’s willing to let him die, even if he’s not pleased about it. It’s only when Morgana begs him that he caves in (30 minutes into a 43-minute episode).

Uther is a fascinating portrayal of an emotionally abusive parent. I wonder what he would have done if Morgana had “come out” to him – because he clearly cared for her, in his own fucked-up way. At least enough not to want her dead. Acceptance would have been out of the question, but I’m not sure he would’ve had her executed. Probably attempted to make her go through some kind of “conversion therapy”. He did keep Gaius as his physician after all, after making him vow never to use magic again (not that Morgana would ever have accepted it).

Now Arthur, I believe, would’ve accepted Morgana if she had told him she had magic. He’s so obviously fond of her, despite all the sibling bickering. 

We get the first mention of the name Emrys – from Mordred, then confirmed by Kilgharrah.

Morgana saying she couldn’t live with herself if anything happened to Gwen or Merlin is such a !!!! statement considering what will happen later in the series

You are a guard of Camelot minding your own business when suddenly someone knocks you out. Just an ordinary Tuesday. You don’t get paid enough for this.

Arthur telling Mordred (as he's freeing him from his cell) “Don't be scared. I've sent word to your people” -> HOW??? literally how. How does Arthur know where the Druids live. how did he get in contact with them. many such questions

Mordred glaring at Merlin when he finally comes to his rescue is so funny. “I had trouble getting out of the castle” he's like bitch you did NOT!

Mordred’s name drop at the end is so epic. Even if you aren’t familiar with Arthurian legends (I wasn't), the music and Kilgharrah’s warning to Merlin make this moment sufficiently ominous and tense (and if you already know who’s going to kill Arthur, you will have guessed the boy’s name already anyway)

Arthur returns Mordred to Iseldir. The next time we see young Mordred is in ep 2x03 (The Nightmare Begins) and then again in episode 2x11 (The Witch’s Quickening) — in neither of them he is with Iseldir anymore, though Iseldir is still alive, given he reappears in S3. WHAT HAPPENED. Mordred’s childhood is a compelling mystery. I like the idea of there being different Druid clans with different beliefs about Emrys and Arthur’s destiny – and possibly Mordred’s, too. Not every Druid recognises Merlin as Emrys or thinks of him as a savior, after all (see Sefa and Kara). Is this why Mordred was (perhaps?) abandoned by Iseldir? Did he find out something about Mordred's role in Arthur's death? It’s an interesting idea. To me.

[dxngerfangs]

wanna be my valentine?

valentine drabble special for the boys in the pokemon au bc it's all I do rn -> 947 words of geetrick being idiots in love w/ established relationship

So maybe he should have listened to Espeon and got the invite earlier, and maybe he shouldn’t have waited until the very same day to give it to Patrick. But it was a Valentine’s gift, supposed to be a surprise. What was the point if he gave it earlier in the week and Patrick already knew his gift on the day? It was a fancy dinner, either way, Patrick was supposed to be free by then.

He wasn’t counting on Patrick dropping off the face of the earth, though.

By the time Gerard woke, he was already gone. Which was weird, but whatever. Things got progressively more ridiculously difficult for him when Patrick refused to answer his calls or messages. 

Then he wasn’t in the Lab. Venusaur was sunbathing outside, her trainer was nowhere near. Lazily, she walked him inside, gave him a heart-shaped chocolate bonbon from on Patrick’s desk, and told Espeon that Patrick had gone down to Cinnabar Island.

“What the fuck is he doing on Cinnabar Island?” He asked himself as he flew Salamence there.

It wasn’t like the island was too big, and unless Patrick was hiding in a hole in the wall of a cave, Gerard didn’t find him anywhere, even after walking through the inside of the volcano.

The lab techs, scared as they were of Patrick, denied seeing him, but told him about a project of his on Mt. Moon. They, too, seemed to be in the Valentine’s spirit because they offered Gerard a bonbon, and how could he refuse when it was one of those filled with salted caramel.

Again, he flew up to Mt. Moon, growing more frustrated as lunch time approached and time ran out. Espeon was growing insufferably smug about her warnings of doing things sooner.

Mt. Moon was vacant in a way he had never seen before. In fact, other than a bunch of Clefairies running around and a flock of Zubats fast asleep, it was deserted. Save for Andy, who seemed to be training near the top.

“No clue where Patrick may be.” He shrugged, “You should try Saffron, though. Oh! Here, have this, happy Valentine, I guess.” 

Gerard received a bonbon, this time, white chocolate. He stuffed it in his pocket and flew to Saffron. 

Saffron was a big city, and he didn’t have the time to search it all for his squirrely boyfriend, so he went to the gym.

Gabe had decorated it ceiling to floor with heart-shaped paraphernalia, a myriad of flowers all around. The only way to describe it was tacky. But at least it disguised the sheer ugliness of Gabe’s thematic outfit.

“Haven’t seen him! Happy Valentines!” Gabe exclaimed happily before he could open his mouth to ask. 

With a wave of the hand his Exeggutor sent a bonbon flying to Gerard’s head, and he was promptly pushed out of the gym.

“Well, that’s just fucking rude.” He muttered, offense only growing when he saw the door opening and Espeon walking out primly by herself.

‘Viridian Forest.’ She told him before he could complain.

So there they went because Gerard’s life was ruled by creatures smaller than him, with mean streaks.

By the time he made it to the heart of Viridian Forest, it was already mid afternoon and he was steadily and quickly losing any last hope of making it to dinner.

Espeon squished under some bushes determinedly, and he followed with a sigh.

There were no words for the sight of Patrick, with a blinding smile and a bouquet of flowers, standing in the middle of the clearing like Gerard hadn’t been looking all over for him the entire day.

“So…?” Patrick chirped out curiously, seemingly proud of himself.

“So?”

“So whatcha say?”

“I’ve been looking for you all day!” He frowned confusedly, throwing his hands out.

“Yeah, that was the point.” Patrick's face slowly morphed to match his confusion, eyeing Gerard oddly, “It was a gymkhana.”

“A gymkhana?”

“Yeah! Didn’t you get the confectionaries?”

“People gave me bonbons, yeah.”

“And didn’t you read the wrappers?”

With a deep frown, Gerard reached in his pocket and pulled out the two wrappers, and after straightening them, he could see the insides perfectly scribbled with the words wanna and be. In a hassle, he pulled out the other two untouched confectionaries and quickly unwrapped them to see the rest of the message spelling my valentine? 

He stared at Patrick and the bouquet with his mouth open in disbelief. Patrick wasn’t one for grand gestures, so he hadn’t even thought of him planning something for valentines. 

With a self-tormented groan, he dropped his face to Patrick’s shoulder, making him move the flowers away so they wouldn’t get squished. 

“Of course I wanna be your valentine…” He whined.

Patrick laughed, pressing a kiss to his head and patting his back encouragingly, “Great. We should hurry, wouldn’t want to be late to your dinner reservations.”

“You knew!” He pushed back, wide eyes and wide mouth in utter disbelief as things pieced together in his mind.

“You should have listened to Espeon and told me yesterday so we could actually make plans.” Patrick reproached lightly, a self-satisfied smile on his face. “I won’t lie I was hoping you were stubborn enough so I could pull this stunt.”

Well, at least that explained the suit pants. 

With a sigh and a kiss on the lips, he accepted the bouquet with one hand, taking Patrick’s in the other as they turned to walk out of the forest, Espeon following smugly.

“Now I’m not dressed for a fancy place.”

“You were champion, you don’t need fancy clothes to be let in places.”

[little-engineer-who-cant]

When the past knocks on her door, Silena has to come clean

Part 4 of Sirens Scream Names Forgotten by Tomorrow, Laid to Rest in Infinity

(Chapter 2 under cut)

Chapter 2: Sunrises in Shades of Violent Despair

Summary: Jason stumbles in

“I really don’t know what ‘I love you’ means. I think it means ‘don’t leave me here alone.’” 

- Adventures in the Dream Trade (Neil Gaiman)

There is someone passed out on her couch. Someone who looks like they’ve run into the wrong end of a pile driver, fractured bones, split skin and bruises mottling every visible inch of them.

And there is her, kneeling beside him and staring at a pool of drying blood with a thousand yard stare, a cloth circling mechanically and smearing more blood than it’s wiping away. 

He’s terrified to speak anymore, not when his earlier words sent her down so hard he’d thought she’d go through the floor. Whatever the meaning of this is, it’s an awful one. His eyes flick to the couch again. Vinyl covers, ugly as sin, but she’d always refused to hear anything against them. 

(Easy to clean. Hides blood.)

(Fuck.)

How long has she been taking people in like this? How has he not noticed? Where the fuck has she been hiding all the medical supplies he sees scattered around? What the fuck is going on?

(You ignored all the signs that something was wrong.)

(There has to be an explanation.)

(She’s lying.)

(About what? What the fuck do you think?)

(You’re asking my opinion?)

(I’ve got nothing else.)

(Kill her.)

Jason’s lips curl angrily. The one fucking time he wants the parasite in his head to voice an opinion and all it gives him is the worst fucking option. 

(She lied.)

His hand crunches the bloody rag into a fist.

(She lied.)

He looks at her, maybe his last look at her, taking in the familiar- 

Sitting back on his heels, he blinks at the right side of her face. At the texturing he’s somehow never noticed before. He’s looked at her face how many thousands of times, studied it and memorized it, he thought he’d have been able to pick it out of a crowd. But now? Now, he’s wondering if he’s ever seen her before at all. It’s right there, plain as day because he knows what covered scars look like. There are plenty on his own face he covers when he’s out in civilization. Little nicks from where the crow bar took skin around the most obvious one that caved his skull in, the one he hates with every fiber of his being carved at the hinge of his jaw that no amount of stubble will even try to touch. Like that patch of skin is cursed, defiled, forever unsalvageable. 

(Stop thinking about it.)

(It’s just as cursed as the rest of you.)

She’s tried very hard to make it look natural and gotten impressively close. But not close enough that he shouldn’t have fucking noticed. 

(Did the crowbar take an eye too?)

Reaching towards her shoulder, he expects her to jump at the movement, look at him, react in any way at all. She’s strung tight enough to snap with a feather touch and so hyper aware he thinks a speck of dust could set her off if it moved wrong. If she looks at him, maybe he’ll get a better angle to see exactly how blind he’d been.

But she doesn’t notice until he touches her and a sickening pit of suspicion opens in his stomach when she flinches away. 

“I’m going outside,” he tells her, sounding far away in his own ears. He can’t be next to her without losing either his guts or his mind, both of which will result in him doing something irrevocably stupid and he’s fucked up enough recently. 

(Letting her in at all was the fuck up.)

(I didn’t know.) 

(Because she’s been lying to you.)

(I’ve been lying to her.)

(Not since you showed her.)

(But I never told her the truth.)

(She never asked.)

Walking away from her might be irrational, but he can’t bring himself to empty a chamber into her. 

(Shoot her. Don’t give her a chance to run.)

(She won’t run.)

(You don’t know her at all.)

(Weak. She walked into your hands, end her.)

But she’d smiled at him in sunlight and danced with him even past moon-rise, like the light would never fade. 

(She danced with a dead man.)

She’d laid out his helmet like a welcome mat, helped hold his weary body upright, brushed gentle hands over bruises and run loving fingers through his hair. Cooked dinner with him, sprawled in his lap and made inane commentary to stupid shows, spoken so passionately about stitching techniques he didn’t even begin to understand, listened to him ramble on about engines and complain about fiddly electronics. Normal. Every time he swept through her door, he was normal again. 

He can’t hurt her. Because even when she knew she had a lion in her lap, she loved him all the same.

—

“Do I get any explanation?” He’s not even looking at her when he asks, face obscured and focused on the distant sight of the tower denoting Wayne Enterprises, barely visible from her shitty fire escape placement. 

“How long of one do you want?” she replies, hugging herself as she watches him from the open window. 

“I want the truth.”

“That’s the most dangerous part.”

“It usually is.” Silence falls, his back to her, her eyes burning into the back of his skull. She can’t taste anything but ash and gasoline, the tarry pit of vinegar tinged betrayal, the metallic and rottingly cloying resignation.

“I…” she can’t start. How can she start? The Greek gods are real and it all gets worse from there? It’s the truth but…

“Anna-” There.

“Silena.” Something shatters there, in the silence. She thinks it’s a heart, but if it’s hers or his she has no idea. Maybe both . “My… my name is Silena. Anna is what my father called me when I was little. Easy for me to answer to.” And that one truth is the final crack that brings down the floodgates, that brings everything she’s ever swallowed into the light, look at me, look at this awful thing- “My apartment is a… pit stop, I guess you could call it. A waystation is what it’s actually called. It’s… it’s for other people like me who need help. Other demigods.” Keep going. “The Greek gods are real. They have children with humans. And…” keep going, keep going- “and we’re not expected to live long. Between monsters, gods and others like us, it’s rare for us to see twenty.”

“Why did you lie?” And there’s the kicker, please look at me. If she sees his face, she’ll know what to say, how to say it. His taste hasn’t changed, she’s running practically blind and hoping this doesn’t blow up in her face, you knew the risks when he came to you that night and you’ve let him in every night since.

“There are no meta-humans allowed in Gotham,” she whispers. “So I hide in plain sight. Most don’t stay. They don’t come here unless there’s no choice.”

“Why did you come here?” She closes her eyes. Even if he was facing her now, she’ll keep running blind. This is the most honest you’ve been in years, isn’t it?

“To hide,” she repeats, “in plain sight.” 

A hand touches her chin, making her eyes fly open. He’s so quiet she hadn’t even heard him come close. He stands just to the other side of the crooked, ill hung window frame in her crappy, run down apartment that’s seen too much despair, reaching over the sill and cupping her chin like she’s glass.

“That’s not everything,” he murmurs, his eyes digging into her soul like it’s an open book to him. Maybe it is. Only the gods know what exactly this man is capable of and Silena certainly isn’t one.

“It’ll take a long time to tell you the story of my life.” She doesn’t dare touch him, look at me, look at this wretched little thing before you and see the truth that everyone else ignored, everyone else denied. 

“You would tell me?”

“You’re the only person I know who’d listen.” They stare at one another, deadlocked in an eternal second before he huffs a broken laugh.

“That’s not a high bar.”

“It is for me.” And it really is. Someone who would listen . Even if he hates her by the end of it, Jason will listen. “It is for me.”

[thecustomcosplayed]

oh boy

OH BOY I SAW A POST ABT THE SKULK STUFF AND THE DEEP DARK IS GONNA BE THIS SEASONS CORRUPTION AND IT FUCKING SENT ME like, mostly because Gem’s Empire (Dawn) is set above a City. Like, directly above it. she got drawn towards the wisps (also apart of the deep dark), so, either I’m looking into this too deep or we might get corrupted Gem this early?? *however* this is really early to start looking into corruption, it might not be in this season BUT there has to be something with the deep dark, right? i dont know if it’ll just be from Gem’s POV but there’s obviously something in these caves that the other Empires don’t really like. Fwhip doesn’t go near the skulk in his cave, Pix got all cryptid building The Machine, there was some on Sausage’s house after the whole End thing, and speaking of that- (haha smooth transition) what if that has to deal with something about the deep dark too? what if theres something, not one of the players, on the server, lurking, looking to lead somebody into the Deep Dark, like Gem, for some reason. Also, I really wanna see Gem name the city under her Dusk. Like.. really badly, seriously, it’d be such a cool parallel to Dawn, like I could make a whole post on why I want Gem to name it Dusk, also if the skulk = corruption stuff is true, Gem naming it Dusk might think the others think: ‘oh its probably just another building place in her Empire’ or whatever, but then somebody, like Jimmy or Sausage, go and there’s no new building from when they last saw it, and Gem casually just goes: Oh yeah, Dusk? That’s the Ancient City under my Empire! I could try to write something about it but it might be bad. I might try though, honestly. Also, if Gem did get corrupted, maybe the colors on her dress get darker slowly? Or her eyes turn black/dark teal?? And if she got fully “corrupted” her dress full changes and like a whole different outfit (kinda like Shubble’s Wolf Spirit clothes in s1). Anyways yeah I have a lot of thoughts now, thanks to @lonksadventures so thanks so much (/lh /nm) so would you guys like to see something more about this??? i know I asked abt the whole ‘should I open up to more fandoms’ thing but i’ve got esmp2 brainrot right now, haha.. sorry.

[jq37]

Twice Upon a Time - Neverafter Eps 4+5

Once Upon a Time and Down Came the Rain

Hey Y’all!

Happy New Year!

As I noted in a post about a week ago, I was home for the holidays with very little access to wifi so I missed a week–a very lore heavy and trippy week–and I am butting up against the drop of a new episode so, as promised at the start of this batch of recaps, I’m gonna do my best to catch us up without burning myself out and hopefully we’ll be back to normal recaps next episode.

So, first up, let’s quickly run through what everyone went through during their resurrections in episode 4: Once Upon a Time.

Pinocchio has perhaps the most harrowing time. After a quick chat with his ghost cricket conscience (bc in the OG tale, he straight up murders him, as one does) he is summoned by his very disappointed “mother”. When he sees her, there is a crack of light in the doorway from where he stole the doorknob but he caves and tells her that he found her house and gives her all the loot he took (knob, photo, knife). He’s really worried about his dad and even MORE worried when the stepmother uses Geppetto's blood to give him more power so maybe he’ll do better protecting Roz this time around (she seems to be on a diff plane with Gepetto, making Gepetto her only source of blood). Pinocchio is now a little more fucked up and he has a crow familiar that he’s not very fond of. Then he’s sent back to life but not *his* life. His stepmother throws him into a different version of the Neverafter (a darker one, which is the running theme of these resurrections) and he fully takes the place of the Pinocchio in this world. Yikes!

Puss in Boots gets a very meta sequence where he meets up with two other tricksters–Fox and Rabbit. They seem to be, in a very literal sense, the archetypal trickers you see in stories like Brer Rabbit or the Fox in Pinocchio (and it’s implied that in other versions of Pinocchio–Puss or really “Cat” is also the cat that leads Pinocchio astray with the Fox). At one point the Rabbit says “We have to work together for the rest of storytelling,” which is super meta. The Fox thinks he’s gotten a little too deep in his attachments to the people he’s messing with (which is maybe proven a bit true when he shows he’s still protective over Tomas) while the Rabbit seems a bit more on his side. Before he’s sent back, he gets some new gear (including wolf tooth daggers called “The Fangs of Isengrim”) and also sees a giant spider web which screams Anansi to me (especially now that I’ve seen ep 5 and know how many cultures Brennan is pulling from here).

Roz gets my fave sequence in which she meets Cinderella (Lou Voice: Another secret Black woman?) who gives this wild info dump. Basically, she says that because of the nature of the Neverafter, princesses tend to have special abilities–most relevant here, the ability to live more “once upon a times” than other people. Cindy and Snow have been looking for Roz for a while and it’s been hard because she spends 100 years of her story asleep and it’s hard to find a window to get to her. Cindy says that the Neverafter began when the Times of Shadow did and the powers that be don’t necessarily like this crossover thing that’s happening. She says that as she died over and over she began to become aware of her past lives and she realized that someone–namely the fairies–had been bending events so that things would always go a certain way. For instance, her mother would always die. So, she’s team free will. Roz is a little naive to all this talk, still hoping for a prince and a happily ever after (with Cindy very endearingly trying to be patient with her) when Roz (with a nat 20 Insight) starts getting flashes of her past lives–good and bad–and it all starts to click with her. Cindy tells her that she should meet up back with her friends. She says that witches can be helpful but she thinks in the end they’ll side with the fairies. She also tells her to look for a dancing mute girl near a beach (the Little Mermaid I’m sure) if she can. Oh and she also warns Roz that there are MANY Once Upon a Times but not UNLIMITED ones and they’re running out. She leaves Roz with some encouraging words about love being real even if their lives have been manipulated and then Roz wakes up covered in briars again. But, this time, she’s way more skilled because she got 7 fairy gifts in this version instead of 3 and she busts her way out via a combo of brute strength and calling swarms of animals to do her bidding. 

Red awakens in a nice sunny forest with the Wolf and we learn that apparently, the Wolf told her to kill him before she got her curse, which is interesting. Anyway, the Wolf seems to be just like, an honestly kind of chill representation of The End. Like, he’s not killing you cause he hates you. He’s killing you cause It’s Your Time. He takes Red to a crossroads and to one path is a story where the woodsman comes and kills the wolf and it’s happier for her (though, she’d still be her in her current state it seems) and to the other path is an even more fucked up version of the story. It’s very Red Pill, Blue Bill. She asks to speak with her Grandma to help decide and the wolf leaves and her Grandma appears. With her Grandma there, she attempts to make a break for it, but when her Grandma starts down the darker path, Red notices her ears are a bit too long and suspects she’s being manipulated by the wolf. This doesn’t seem to quite be the case though. It’s like her Grandma just also has a bit of wolf in her. Or maybe they’re kind of the same person? It’s very trippy. Anyway, her Grandma tells her that her real friends will see the wolf in her and still love her and that she’s not a monster. Red chooses the darker path, of course, and finds herself at the edge of the cliff with a forest below. The Wolf is there again and begins violently dying–he has to die for Red’s story to start (a more violent version of the story btw, where she kills the woodsman which is not great for her psyche lemme tell you). Before he dies, he helps buff Red a bit and also says that there is something/one else connected to him in this version of the story (implied to be the 3 Little Pigs because Red hears snorting and also the Wolf is getting burned, like he does at the end of that story). Red demands answers from whoever is doing this and she wakes up in Pottingham in a stronger version of her body.

Gerrard wakes up floating in water with the shard still stuck in chest cause the narrative hates him. He is found by Turquina (aka the Fairy with the Turquoise hair, aka the fairy that brought Pinocchio to life). He fails horribly to pull it out (Nat 1) and Turq tells him to be careful, treating him with lots of princely deference. She is very helpful on the surface but seems to demonstrate what Cindy was saying about fairies being very manipulative of their narratives. She’s all, “It’s a good thing you were frogged the FIRST time but the SECOND time it shouldn’t have happened, that’s off script and we need to get it right”. Ger is basically on board–except for when she mentions changing Elody back. Then he’s like, “The problem isn’t Elody, the problem is everything else.” Also, when he offhandedly mentions Tim’s book, she seems a bit too eager to know more and he tries to cover it up. Anyway, Turq says the fairies are working really hard to put things right and she needs his shard but she can’t actually touch it so she needs him to take it out then leave it in a moonlit glade and a fairy will come pick it up. Also, she needs to bring him back to life but he’ll come back kinda more fucked up. But that’s OK! she says. It just needs to get worse before it gets better. Turq also says that they need to be careful because Roz may have been in contact with some troublemakers (aka Cindy and co). She says that if Ger helps her with this, the fairies will make helping him and Elody their top priority. He then wakes up in a darker world in a more froglike body with memories of Elody on a totally bloodied horse on the battlefield and knowledge that in this version of the story, instead of kissing him to turn him back to prince, Elody threw his froggy body against a wall. Fairy tales are wild y’all. And the shard is STILL in him because, again, the narrative hates him.

Finally, we come to Tim who is riding on the back of a kind golden goose. She’s strikingly similar to the gander, but…you know..not horrific. She tells him that he’s kind of like her brother and the yin to her yang. She can’t be where he is and visa versa. Good things follow her and bad things follow him. Tim still has his book as everyone else had their key items. The Goose tells him a bunch of info including that some fairies, all witches, and some princesses know what’s going on here. And I’m gonna break out the bullets here just so we can finish off these flashbacks:

The Goose says that the people in the book are happy but it’s not like a permanent solution. 

In the world they’re going to, Jack isn’t his son. It is also the version where Jack does the beanstalk and giant killing thing. 

The book is connected to the Goose and has more power than he can imagine.

Things can be brought out of the book.

Jack has way more stories than most people.

(Question: If Tim had no Jack in this version, I wonder what his first wish was.)

Once their conversation is done, Tim is dropped into his new story. He sees an illustration in his book of 8 fairies, and he knows all his friends are in this world.

Oh, and we never learn about what the red gems are about! Hate that! 

And that’s the quick and dirty rundown of this ep. An important thing I wanna make clear in case it wasn’t. Every character except for Pinocchio is now running around with two sets of memories. Their past life and their new one. Got it? Cool. So now we can jump into episode 5: Down Came the Rain.

This is mostly a setup ep, so we’re gonna do bullet points again.

Everyone meets up in their new forms at a tavern called The Cock and Toad. 

Roz is now followed around by a bunch of woodland creatures in a cloak as her body guard. 

Red’s breath is a lot more big and bad now (she took 2 levels of druid because, as I always say, Emily NEEDS spell slots or she will DIE). 

When Ger comes in, Red takes out the shard with a Nat 20.

Oh, also, everyone is level 3 now!

Everyone kind of catches each other up about what they saw in their visions more or less. Ger is a little cagey about Turq telling him to give her the shard but he’s too sweaty to hide his lie by omission for long and everyone is like nah we gotta put the shard in the book.

When Pinnochio describes the fairy that visited him when he had to lie–the shadowy one–Roz realizes it sounds a lot like the fairy who cursed her. Fairy overlap! I knew it!

Also there is a talking and very sad dish here w/ relationship drama (as in The Dish Ran Away With The Spoon) because this is Brennan and he can’t resist making something very silly very serious. 

Tim gets the Dish to tell him his whole sob story in a corner of the bar and he disappears into the book in motes of golden light. In his book, the words “The Dish Ran Away With the Spoon” appear. Tim also feels like he’s reached the limit of what he can do with the book without giving it the shard. 

At the same time, Pib is outside. One of the items he got from the tricksters is a spider ring that can lead him to any spider. It leads him outside to the Itsy Bitsy Spider. When he helps the little guy out, the spider tells him about a spider queen in the heart of the Lullaby Lands who is martialing her forces and cooking up some kind of dark spell that might be causing the lousy weather. She also seems connected to the gander. Also, he mentions she has magical artifacts (which seems significant considering their quest).

(There’s a mention of Hamelin which means the Pied Piper is liable to make an appearance). 

Speaking of artifacts, everyone gathers in the barn near the tavern to get some privacy to put the shard in the book. 

Roz finds some bear scat in the barn and it’s implied it might be from one of the Goldilocks bears. 

The cow that jumped over the moon is also in this barn because sure. 

Tim puts the shard into the book and the whole Cinderella story appears. Strangely, after the traditional end of the story, there are a couple of blank pages and then a picture of the shard. It’s like something more happened in the story that the book isn’t showing the text for but is showing the image (presumably where she stabs her fairy god mom). It’s also weird because it’s like the safe book is censoring the gruesome true end of the story but the carving of toes and stuff is still fully in there. 

OK, so remember when they were told that once the book had the first thing it needed, they’d have allies? Well here we are at a VERY cool plot twist.

Tim hears scratching in the book like someone else is writing in it and sees the writing of someone who is trapped in a cave and seems to have their own book which they are trying to use to communicate. 

Tim is able to write back to them and realizes that it’s Scheherazade from 1001 Nights!

If you’ve never heard of her, Scher is part of the frame story of the Arabic fairy tale collection 1001 Nights. She basically tells these stories to a king night after night to keep from being killed and at the end they get married. This story collection is where famous Arabic stories like Sinbad and Aladdin come from. I was SO pumped to get to this revelation because it’s so fun and meta. 

Anyway, back to the actual story. 

They exchange names and Scher (who doesn’t recognize Tim and vice versa) says she is trapped in a cave with some friends who include Sinbad (great fighter, annoying companion). They were supposed to meet a guardian who isn’t there. She seems to be in a similar situation to Tim where she’s in a world where things have gone wrong and she recently realized things about the true nature of the world. 

But when Tim asks where she is, plot twist #2! She doesn’t know what the Neverafter is. She’s in a land called The Endless Nights. 

This is ALSO super cool! Ever After to Neverfter and 1001 Nights to Endless Nights? Gosh, Brennan is really doing the coolest things with this narrative this season. This is really healing all my Once Upon a Time trauma AND my multiverse burnout at the same time.

Scher and Tim send each other images of what they look like (Tim’s is super buff because of Ally shenanigans) and Scher is like cool, we can send each other magic. She also sends a pic of the guardian that was supposed to be at the cave and it’s like a stone spider glyph. Pib is like, “Oh, hey I might have some info here,” and fills them in on his spider side quest.

Scher says she’d really appreciate the help and will help them as well once she’s out of the cave. She even mentions wishes and I love me a genie in the mix. Oh and she mentions there’s a dude named Aesop who also might have a book! (Aesop as in Aesop’s fables. Think Tortoise and the Hare and City Mouse/Country Mouse).

Before they head back, Tim (aided by Roz’s Speak with Animals) gets the cow’s life story and he goes into the book. Still no picture but the words “the cow jumped over the moon” appear in the appropriate spot. 

En route, Red gets some Goodberries for everyone. Smart move since they’re heading towards a fight. Each is one HP.

Point of Order–Jubilee doesn’t exist in this version of the Neverafter which is concerning to me. Is the map just gonna keep getting smaller each time they die/fail or is it replaced with something else? Also, even though Jubilee doesn’t exist here, Cole (and Senator the ram) are still in the book.

They reach a crossroads and realize that they’re going to Tuffeton. (Tuffeton as in “Little miss Muffet she sat on her tuffet, eating her curds eating and whey Along came a spider who sat down beside her And frightened miss Muffet away.”)

Crow scouts ahead and sees a grim village with this huge hill. And at the base of the hill is a mine entrance with cobwebs.

Note: Via Cole in the book, Tim can always have Lesser Restoration Prepped. He does so when Pib is the only one to fail a Con check from traveling in the rain and Brennan says it prevents him from getting a red gem (but it wouldn’t have helped after the fact)

They follow Pib’s ring to the center of the mine.

As they’re traveling in the dark, Ylfa inadvertently mentally connects to the mind of a tusked boar. She feels fire and asks if he killed the Big Bad Wolf. The board says, “Friend.” A tear runs down his cheek. He says, “I am trying to–” then she loses the connection. Hmmmm.

This is a little out of order but Tim messages Scher again and she says that (1) the spider guardian she mentioned is someone she was supposed to talk to not fight so I’m wondering if actually is the same spider they’re presumably going to have to fight or maybe more of a good guy spider like Anansi or maybe a spider I’ve never heard of because I’m not as familiar with 1001 Nights. She also says that (2) in the cave she’s in there was a tapestry of a princess with a golden mace which sounds like Elody. That’s interesting because it sounds like multiverse bleedthrough. 

They find a massive spider web in this mine but between Pib’s feline grace and roguish tricks, Red being shapeshifted into a spider, Crow being shapeshifted into a spider, and everyone else being very very careful, they are able to navigate to the center without getting caught! They have the advantage going into the next fight! Let’s hope they can keep it this time because it seems like every time they die, things are gonna get much worse. 

[curekibouka-writing]

My Heroes (one-shot HiroPre fic)

Summary: The wings I fly with are gifts from them. 

Word count: 750

*This fic is also posted on Quotev and Ao3

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I flew. 

By the time night falls and I curl up on my small bed in the corner of my aerodynamics study room, those words still haven’t left my head. 

I flew. I flew. I flew. 

It wasn’t me, it was a miracle. But it was me, I was the miracle. I flew. 

I flew like father did all those years ago. He was a miracle too. When I was falling through the air and the wind whipped my small wings and I flapped them until I couldn’t tell whether they hurt from the wind or from the movement; when I opened my eyes to see the endless plunge down and then the wind whipped my eyes until they watered but the moment I caved and held my breath and closed my eyes again was the moment father screamed my name louder than the wind and he caught me and he grabbed me tighter than he had ever grabbed me before and he flew. 

The blue of the sky was what melted my tears, the heart in his voice was what made me look up. Such a big, strong, embracing heart full of fear for what could have happened to me. 

Father was my first miracle. 

And it did not matter that he had not intended to become a miracle. It did not matter that he had had enough of the sky. It did not matter that he was content with staying grounded again because he brought me above the clouds, in the sky, and to the sun that day. 

My second miracle was a girl who was the blue of the sky. She does not have wings but I thought she did when she shook my hand and said I do what a hero does because I was so sure there were large, warm wings wrapping around my body and pulling me in close to tell me that all the nights I spent dreaming were not stupid and all the days I spent trying were not a waste. 

And it did not matter whether what she believed in was true or reasonable or rational, she believed in it with me. 

Sora-san was my second miracle. 

My third miracle was when I let go and thought I’ve had enough of dreaming. If it puts Elle-chan in danger, then it comes at far too high a cost.

I let go but she didn’t. She held out her little hands — they were little but not small — and even as she was being torn away by a monster and terror whipped her eyes until they watered and her tears dropped onto my cheek, her hands were still firmly held out, holding me in place, and in her whimpering voice I felt she had a big, strong, embracing heart full of fear for what could have happened to me. 

There was a fire bursting inside of me that I have never felt before and it asked me how I could stand and watch as she, a child, a frightened child, gets taken away while I do nothing. And suddenly I was full of fear for what could happen to her, a fear that thrust my limbs to move in ways I never thought was thinkable. 

She was my third miracle. I was desperate. 

And then I flew. 

I flew, father, like how you flew when you were desperate to save me. 

I flew, Sora-san, like how you believed I could. 

I flew to Princess Elle and I looked at the way she opened her arms and made little squeals of happiness, the way her little fists grasped ever so lightly onto my vest and the way she weighed in my arms made me hope she didn’t feel me still trembling in the thought that if a single thing had gone wrong and I had lost her, I would’ve thrown myself onto the ground a thousand times over. 

She was my third hero. 

And it did not matter that her hands were barely the size of my thumb, she was so brave. She was so brave because even though she closed her eyes, she did not cave in to the terror that pulled her from me, so as she sent me off to the battle in the sky with a cheer, I smiled at her and promised myself that I would never ever let her go through that again. 

She gave me my wings. They gave me my wings. They made me my own miracle. 

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The End

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A/N: There are a million things that touch me deeply in this season (and we’re only 9 episodes in!!) but this is one of the deepest of the deep — our titular heroes are inspired by other heroes, magical or not. It’s just so beautiful and my previous fic already kinda touched on how Mashiro was inspired by Sora, but now I want to explore this theme more fully with a Tsubasa fic because he is awesome and precious and I love him 😭

This message is so important to me because it illustrates that everyone has the capacity to make a positive change in someone else. Tsubasa’s father was a hero even though he never wanted to be one, Sora was a hero to Tsubasa even though she did not physically save him from a dangerous situation, and Elle is just self-explanatory cuz she’s kinda both. Heroes can come in all shapes and sizes, and that just means there’s no reason we can’t try to be a hero to someone too. 

[phantasmagoric-acquaintance]

44. "That is my choice! My decision to make, not yours! Not anyone else’s! Mine!" w lucretia :D?? thank you <33 -ise (i cant remember if i sent u this before so if i have, just disregard this sdklfsd)

Despite the best efforts of Lup, Magnus, and Merle to lighten the mood, the first dinner with the crew since the Day of Story and Song was an awkward one for Lucretia. Though Davenport was never much of a chatterbox to begin with, he seems to speak less now than he had before, and she feels the full force of guilt for having taken his voice from him for so long. Barry remained polite and made an attempt to cover his trepidation, but it was obvious to Lucretia that he was struggling to return to the relationship they’d once had, certainly due in no small part to the way she’d made him a villain in the eyes of their friends.

Even still, she could also tell that he was making an effort to forgive her, as was Davenport. Merle and Magnus had long worked out any resentment they’d had towards her, and Lup had made it clear that though she’d always be upset at Lucretia, she’d had plenty of time inside the Umbra Staff to make peace with what she’d done and she saw no point in holding grudges about it.

The biggest stressor for Lucretia during this dinner was Taako.

He’d been even quieter than Davenport, speaking only when spoken to, and in short, snippy answers. He’d spent most of the time pushing his food around his plate with his utensils like a child who didn’t want to eat his vegetables. Now, he’s squirreled away in the kitchen with the dishes, a chore he offered to do with much less of the usual protesting.

Lucretia excuses herself from the after-dinner conversation after a few minutes, leaving the others behind in the living room to bicker over board games. She stands in the kitchen threshold for a few seconds, watching Taako work with the tense focus he only exhibits when something is wrong.

After a moment, she speaks. “Do you want help with those, Taako?”

“Haven’t you helped enough?” he fires back, without missing a beat.

Still, Lucretia steps forward, grabbing a dishrag off the counter, and begins drying the dishes in the overflowing drying rack. “I understand you’re still upset with me, Taako, and you have every right to be. I just wish you would talk with me.”

“Oh, like how you talked with me before you wiped my sister from fucking existence?”

She sighs. “That’s not… that wasn’t my goal, Taako, you know that.”

“Do I fucking care? That’s still what you did.” He’s been scrubbing, Lucretia notices, at the same plate for perhaps a minute. It looks spotless. “Like… like, I don’t care. I don’t care if you had the best intentions or what-the-fuck-ever. It doesn’t give me back the decade with her that I lost. So I don’t care.”

Lucretia carefully pulls the plate from Taako’s hands. To her surprise, he lets her. “I hear you, Taako, I do. But I want you to understand that I wasn’t trying to hurt you, or her, or Barry, or anyone. I… You were hurting so much already, I just wanted to spare you the pain—"

“Don’t you see how fucking fucked that is?” He whips around to face her, leaving the faucet running. “Like, that’s so not your fucking call to make. Did you not think to fucking ask me? Because that should have been my choice to make! Mine! Not anyone else’s! It’s so fucked of you to take that from me.”

Lucretia’s head spins, searching for the right thing to say. “Taako…”

He’s already turned back to face the sink, breathing heavily. He picks up the last little bit of silverware and starts scrubbing. “You wanna talk?” he asks, much quieter. “You want fucking, vulnerability and shit? How’s this: I’ve never in my whole life been so afraid to not be in the same room as her. ‘Cause, like, how am I supposed to just trust it won’t happen again? How can I promise her that I’ll be there for her if she wanders off and gets herself hurt again. Because I always said I would be, but I left her alone in that cave for a whole fucking decade because I fucking forgot that I was looking for her. It eats me the fuck up.” Turning off the faucet and depositing the clean silverware into the dish drying rack, he looks up at Lucretia once again as he makes his way towards the threshold. “So yeah. I’m pissed. Sue me.”

And with that, Taako strides out of the kitchen, leaving Lucretia alone with the weight of his words.