#it’s the shitty wattpad fiction I’m tell you

[dcangel]

one thing about stiles is that he absolutely cannot stay quiet when he cums, even if it’s in the worst situation possible. he could be home alone, or it could be late at night— either way, he’s jerking off to the explicit picture you sent him last week that he still has yet to get over. he can’t muffle any soft grunts or hums even when his mouth is closed. especially not when you’re letting him fuck you. his intentions when resting on top of you were innocent, perfectly content with being your weighted blanket. but something quite literally rubbed him the wrong way, and you felt it moments later. how could you say no to some not-so-innocent cockwarming? after all, Noah was in the dining room mulling over another case of a slashed-up body in the woods. clothes weren’t removed, just adjusted to allow his cock to slip out of his plaid sweatpants and into the small gap you left him between your drawn-down waistband and your cunt. it truly didn’t take long for vibrations of lost hums and whimpers to be felt against your neck as he allowed his hips to work lazily; his cock sliding in and out easily thanks to your building wetness. you really didn’t expect or want more from him, you just wanted him to please himself as you relished in his struggles to stay silent.

it was hard to keep stiles quiet, especially with the way the house fell silent after his dad drank himself to sleep, and there was no absent-minded muttering and mumbling to drown of the echoes of stiles’s growing whines. it was even harder when you felt warmth spill inside you and his hips still twitched as if one orgasm wasn’t enough. he was doing it to himself. grateful praises and broken whimpers tumbled from his lips that languidly tried attaching to your neck, and you didn’t even attempt to quiet him down. it would’ve been a futile effort anyway, especially with the way he absently began spewing mumbled begs against your neck to just let him be loud— to let him have his moment to openly relish in the feeling of you. and who were you to say no to your boy who took it upon himself to overwork his recently neglected body?

[5uptic]

crewfu: fanfic spotlight :)

Angel of Life, Bringer of Death by woofles1990 (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 377 words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: Steve and Dk just wanted to explore a dungeon. That's all they wanted! A certain angel clearly had other plans.

flashover by Anonymous (Apollo & 5up, teen rating, gen | 853 words)

Summary: n. the moment a conversation becomes real and alive, which occurs when a spark of trust shorts out the delicate circuits you keep insulated under layers of irony, momentarily grounding the static emotional charge you've built up through decades of friction with the world. OR: it's pretty stupid to sleep on the tiles of a subway station, even though you are well aware you have a home. It's also quite embarrassing to have a friend pick you up from there.

Sparks Fly by Rocketro (5up/Fundy, gen rating, m/m | 863 words)

Summary: 5up and Fundy watch fireworks together.

you're holding back (shut up and dance with me) by lytriis (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: 5up and steve dance.

what happens in Vegas by aphilologicalbatman (Apollo/Steve, explicit rating, m/m | 1.4k words)

Summary: "I'm pretty sure this is a bad idea, Steve." "Nah, this is a great idea, dude." (Or: the one where they hook up in Vegas.)

quiet when i'm coming home by homeward_bound (5up/Hafu/David, teen rating, gen & multi | 1.4k words)

Summary: 5up comes home from LA.

i could peel it for you by sweetlikesugr (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: One appletini at a time, 5up ponders about oranges, buttons and celestial bodies.

from blossoms by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: “O, to take what we love inside, to carry within us an orchard, to eat not only the skin, but the shade, not only the sugar, but the days, to hold the fruit in our hands, adore it, then bite into the round jubilance of peach. There are days we live as if death were nowhere in the background; from joy to joy to joy, from wing to wing, from blossom to blossom to impossible blossom, to sweet impossible blossom.” -Li-Young Lee, From Blossoms

you think that i'm foolish now by amsves (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words)

Summary: “Is everything okay?” That’s a stupid question and Steve knows it. If everything was okay, Five wouldn’t be randomly appearing at his hotel room at—Steve checks his phone—2:37 in the morning. Their group had split up for the night a few hours ago, uncharacteristically early for them, but Five had had plans to talk to—

Like you wouldn't notice by Anonymous (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.1k words)

Summary: Apollo is having feelings, so he pushes them down and hopes Steve doesn't notice. Avoiding Steve was never going to end well. "From that moment on, Apollo becomes hyper-aware of all things Steve. The way his long leg touches his, hip-to-knee, in the bar booth when they're drinking overpriced cocktails."

Vegas Lights by amethystvxidwalker (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.3k words)

Summary: “You were planning on actually swimming with me, right?” Steve faced him, brown eyes and dopey grin almost making Five swoon. He forced himself to focus on Steve’s face rather than the black ink above his hip, small, blocky text that read ‘SUGR?’ because of course it did.

ice-cream-covered screaming hyperactive thought by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.5k words)

Summary: Apollo isn’t sure when, exactly, he fell in love with Steve. Maybe, just maybe, he thinks, he never really fell. Maybe, he’s been falling. He’s still falling.

u spilled orange on u by SmearedWords (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.1k words)

Summary: Five times Dumbdog thinks Steve is illegally attractive and the one time he tries to admit that to him. Keyword: tries.

My love is the evening breeze touching your skin by tumtummeke (Apollo & Steve, general rating, gen | 5.2k words)

Summary: Steve's love language is physical touch. Dumbdog's is... not that. A day at the beach with Steve and Dumbdog (and background crewfu), told in five touches.

be like the love that discovered sin by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 5.6k words)

Summary: It’s annoying because Apollo even left for work a whole hour early today, which should be enough time to get to his shitty office job like everyone else on the train, but unlike everyone else, Apollo also has a second job. Which leads to the last reason why Apollo is having a bad day: being pinned under an overturned car while a villain monologues at him. Well, that last reason isn’t really part of Apollo’s bad day, but sue him if he wants to include the misfortunes of his hero identity Dumbdog while listing the reasons for his bad mood. “I don’t have time for this, Suptic,” Apollo grits out, interrupting the villain’s monologue.

friends in this town by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 6.1k words)

Summary: Five only realizes he’s bitten his nails down to the quick when the sting of pain catches up to him. He’s probably overthinking. He just needs to talk to Hafu. That’s all. ...He doesn’t want to. He’s worried he will only hear an answer he’ll hate. Out back, putting off talking to his sister really gives Five a sense of deja vu. All he needs to complete the feeling is Steve. “You need to relax, man.” Speak of the devil.

this party's just another haunted house by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 7.7k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: On December 31st, Apollo wakes up in his hotel in Vegas. The problem is, it's always December 31st.

call me by your name (i don't know that's pretty gay) by Qupid (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 10k words)

Summary: “Oh!” The human suddenly exclaimed, “You probably want my name!” Five had no interest in holding the power of a name over a human, it always seemed more trouble than it was worth, “Not particu-” “I’m Steve! It’s a pleasure to meet someone as cute as you.” The human, Steve, interrupted before 5up could finish. 5up’s eyes widened as he felt the power of gaining a name rush through him.  It was intoxicating and he could see why some fae would frequently come to the human realm just to trick humans into giving up their names. Five hadn’t needed to trick Steve, the man had given up his name freely and Five couldn’t believe how goddamn stupid he was to do it. “Ohhhh my god you’re an idiot.”

you'll hear me howling outside your door by Qupid (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 22.2k words)

Summary: Something warm blew against Steve’s face and, distantly, he heard a high pitched whine. A nudge, and when Steve ignored it, a more insistent push had him opening his eyes to the face of a wolf mere inches from his own. Steve laughed. How delightful!  He was hallucinating animals now. The wolf’s fur looked bright to him, but even with as dark as it was Steve could tell it wasn’t white. Maybe it was more of a sandy color. Not that it mattered when all Steve could focus on was its piercing gaze and how its eyes seemed to bore into his soul. The wolf whined again and nudged Steve in the shoulder with its nose, making the man rear back when he realized that this might actually be a real wolf and not a hallucination at all.

kinda good for my love by sweetlikesugr (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 44.7k words, chaptered)

Summary: 5up can’t really recall the exact moment when dares became his and Steve’s thing and he is not sure if he even wants to try - after all, why would you mess with something that feels so natural, that feels so right? Why not just let it take its course and see where it might lead them?

Also: mangoedges‘s 5up the human impostor collection!

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s)], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k], [added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji… you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed.

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

[duuhrayliegh]

watch your six - part one

warnings: violence (mostly guns) some shitty description of blood, some light swearing

word count: 1208

a/n: this is going to be a series, however!!!! i do need help deciding if it’s going to be a fan fiction!! i’m thinking a bucky fic? let me know what y’all think :) thanks babes. (also the things in italics are the readers thoughts) 

p.s.: this is also posted on my wattpad if y’all want to read it not as a fan fic. ;)

series m.list

ray’s m.list

********************************

What the hell went wrong? It wasn’t going well, I could tell. The earpiece in my ear was only emitting static. Crouching behind a bullet ridden sofa, I tried to catch my breath. This doesn’t make sense, this was just supposed to be simple recon. Bringing my wrist up to my chin, I desperately try to reach anyone. “This is Libra, can anyone hear me over?” All that replied to me was the ever present snoring of the dead radio on the other end. My wrist dropped to rest beside my bent knee. This movement allowed me to notice that my hands were sweaty. No, not sweaty, my palms were clammy. What is this? We had gotten in tighter spots than this before and they’ve never done that. I could tell something wasn’t right. “This is Libra. Base, can you hear me, over?” Distantly, I heard a gun clatter to the ground. Closing my eyes, I began to prepare myself for a fight. Slowly rising from my knees, I peered over the top of the couch I was behind.

What I saw almost made me lose the leftover spaghetti I ate for lunch. My teammate, abandoned on the floor in the foyer. The pristine tile around her turning crimson with blood. “Gemini!” Her head lolled to face me and I could see the bruising beginning to form under the skin. I cast a glance to my right, looking for any sign of danger and then ran towards my partner. Coming to the entrance of the living room, I slid to a halt as I saw the panic in her eyes. “Gemini, what happened?” I rushed.

Her lip was split and there was red oozing from her nose. A crack along her hairline was allowing blood to cascade down into her hair. Kneeling beside her, I scanned her body quickly for any other life threatening injuries. “You’ll be okay, Gemini. Head wounds bleed more than they hurt.” I grunted as I thrust my arms under her shoulder and began to drag her into the living room behind the couch. “We’re going to get through this Gemini.” Tears began to prick the corners of her eyes. “You’ve got to get out of here Libby.” she hurried, “It’s not safe anymore.” I was shaking my head at her, still confused as to what had happened that made everything go so horribly wrong. “Gem, no. We have to find the others.” I pressed.

“The others are dead, Libra.” she said. My eyes widened, and I shook my head at her. She’s wrong, they’re alive. They’re alive, they are. They have to be alive. “They are dead, Libra. The only thing you can do is save yourself.” Her back was propped up against the backing of the couch. She gripped my wrist, maneuvering her hand to grasp mine firmly. The anxiety I felt rose to being almost unbearable. “Libby, buckle in. You’re the only one of us getting out of here.” Why is this happening to us? What am I supposed to do? I can’t do this alone. “Stop freaking out and listen to me.” She gripped my cheeks and pulled me to look at her. “Libra,” Why are we still using code names? “The front door is unguarded. They’re busy making sure they got us all.” Gemini yanked my gun from the holster on my thigh. “I’m going to give them a reason to find me, and you.” She jerked my head back towards her, “Stop drifting.” Cocking the gun, Gemini stared me in the eyes. “And you are going to run out that door and not stop until you reach headquarters, you hear me?” My nostrils flared and eyebrows furrowed. How am I supposed to do this alone? What the hell is happening?

“Libra! Get out of your head!” She hissed at me while pulling a knife from her ankle. Setting the gun down next to her, Gemini grabbed my wrist and shoved the knife’s handle into my hand. She caught my eyes and curled my fingers around the hilt. “Just remember your training and get it done, Libra.” Picking up the gun, she attempted to get to her feet, I helped her rise to her full height. Once standing Gemini swayed, her head wound not helping matters at all. Holding onto my shoulder for support, she chuckled.

“I knew I was going to go out in a blaze of glory, but this? This is just-- well I don’t know what this is.” She looked me over one more time and jerked her head towards the door. “Don’t forget to watch your six and run like hell.” I balked, releasing shaky breaths as she walked away. This is insane. What the hell did I get myself into? No, you need to concentrate and get the hell out of this place.

I let go of air that I didn’t realize I was holding in. My eyes darted around the room, Gemini was gone. Then all of the sudden, gunshots burst through the air. A loud cackle of a sarcastic laugh, then Gemini yelling. “You missed one! Hello! You didn’t get all of us!” Every instinct in me was telling me to run to her aid, but her directions told me otherwise. Rowdy footsteps began to come tumbling down the staircase in front of the living room.

Immediately, I dropped down to the ground yet again. I crawled to the side of the tattered sofa to watch as two women, outfitted in navy stealth suits made their way to the source of the commotion. Gemini was still yelling, cursing anyone who would listen. Then, it was quiet. Gemini still laughing quietly with her gun raised as steadily as she could handle, I'm guessing. I pushed my weight to the balls of my feet and leaned in to hear what they were saying. I should be running. Gemini told me to run, what the hell am I waiting for? Anything, some type of proof that Gemini, even in her run-down and battered state, won the fight between her and those two women.

Taking a deep breath, I waited, crouching like a coward while my friend was risking her life for me to escape with mine. No, she wasn’t risking her life, she was sacrificing it. For me. I took hold of the textured fabric and pulled myself up. Still gripping Gemini’s knife, I took cautious steps towards the door.

Suddenly, there was shouting and then Gemini screaming bloody murder. Two gunshots rang out. Three. Four. Five. They wouldn’t stop, but I certainly did. Frozen in place as I listened to my friend being littered with round after round of gunfire. I gasped, heart wrenching and then took off. Bolting towards the door and wrenching it open to dash into the cool night air.

As I ran into the night, I could still hear the cacophony guns and a harmonizing chorus of laughter. I turned to face the two story traditional, with the paint peeling from the pillars in the front and vines licking up the sides of the brick. Sweat dripped down my face and burned my eyes, I turned back around and did what Gemini said.

I watched my six and ran like hell.

[bnha-mha-imagines]

🍁 🍄 🌸 🌻 🍓 ✨ (sorry for picking so many) Character: Kirishima

Haha no worries! It was fun answering them all! :)

🍁Maple: What’s your ideal date?

My ideal date?? Ooh, is this an invitation? ;) all jokes all jokes...unless? 👀 I would say my ideal date can vary depending on my mood! I’m pretty content to just stay in and watch a movie and cuddle, but I’m also very much down to take a walk or a hike! It's fun, naturey, and you get an adventure out of it! Pack a little backpack with waters and snacks, bring a speaker, and go explore! That’s probably my ideal date :) 

🍄Mushroom: Have you ever been in love?

I’ve only ever been in love once, and I am lucky to say it is with my current boyfriend :) We’re kind of each other’s first real relationship, so we’re discovering everything together and I am so happy to experience these new things with him!

🌸Blossom: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Kind of but no? I love the notion of love at first sight because like… knowing your soulmate at first glance sounds totally adorable! Realistically, I believe in attraction at first sight, but I think love is something that requires more effort to obtain. Love perseveres in the face of ‘the ugly,’ it is all encompassing, and it is cultivated with time, communication, and experience. When you first meet a person, odds are your first impression is off, and to truly love a person for who they are, I think it’s crucial to get to know them, truly know them, first.

🌻Sunflower: Do you think humans are inherently good or bad?

I’ve been told that I am “wholesomely naive… in a good way!” As such, I am heavily inclined toward the idea that people are inherently good! Perhaps I’m wrong and naive as I’ve been told, but honestly I think I’d rather be so in this regard than accept that all goodness is unnatural. I think people, granted that they don’t suffer any conditions that prevent them from feeling so, desire very similar things: love, comfort, happiness, acceptance, justice, etc. I think these things, all leaning toward goodness, pay testimony to the innate natural goodness within us, and the desire for goodness! :) I think those people who we label villains have been conditioned to act in ways that contradict innate goodness, and that for the most part, villains are created not from the existence of evil, but from the absence of good.

🍓Strawberry: What season do you wish could be all year round? Favorite things to do during it?

My favorite season is autumn, so clearly I’d love to spend my whole year surrounded by colorful leaves and pumpkins <3 My favorite things about fall are: apple picking, visiting pumpkin patches and corn fields, HALLOWEEN, dressing in cozy clothes, chai tea, apple cider donuts and apple cider period, chilly weather, and… my birthday! haha.

✨Stars: What fictional character do you most relate to?

Since this is a bnha blog, it seems fitting that I pick a bnha character to compare myself to haha! I would say I most relate to, or act most like, Kirishima or Kaminari. Kirishima is very relatable to me, in both his positive attitude and insecurities, whereas Kaminari is similar to me in his energy and humor. Maybe throw in a little bit of Uraraka and you’ll get an amalgamation that is me haha!

______

Eijiro Kirishima:

Kirishima was hiding something, that much was obvious. He was fidgeting endlessly, perspiring lightly, and his eyes kept shifting to the door as if he wanted to run away. To say you were concerned was an understatement. 

Nothing apparent had prompted his behavior; you were simply sitting in the dorm common room watching National Treasure. With just the two of you there, you could only assume that the cause of his anxiety was something internal. 

You were tempted to write it off as a bad day, but any time you asked if he was okay he insisted he was. He wouldn’t keep eye contact with you, and you were beginning to think perhaps his strange, uncharacteristic behavior had something to do... with you.

Tentatively, you placed your hand over his, hoping perhaps the simple and tender touch could provide him some sort of comfort. The way he reared back startled confirmed your rising suspicion.  

“Kirishima,” you asked him gently, unable to keep the hurt from your voice. “What’s going on?” You reached for the remote and paused the movie, turning to face him. You stared into his eyes, and in them you could see clouded thoughts unspoken. “Is it me?” you dared to ask, unsure if you actually wanted the answer. 

At your question, Kirishima’s expression changed immediately, concern and surprise painting his face. “Huh?” he exclaimed. “Of course not, never, that’s not--!! Oh geez, I really messed this up, didn’t I…” You watched him curiously, urging him to continue.

Facing you suddenly, Kirishima grasped your hands with his own. “I was planning on making this grand gesture to tell you and make it all seamless, but… I guess that plan backfired. (Y/n), I guess what I’m trying to say is...well, what I’m struggling to say is, I love you.” 

Your eyes widened at his words, and suddenly everything made sense: why he’d been so off, so anxious, glancing at you when you weren’t looking. You felt your worry melt into unadulterated warmth and love, so overwhelming that you couldn’t help but embrace him, assaulting his face with kisses. 

Affection swelled in your chest. “Kirishima, your dork!” you laughed. “You don’t need a grand gesture to tell me that. And you don’t have to worry at all, because… I love you too!” You had barely any time to react before Kirishima had enveloped you into a crushing hug, kissing you again and again. You laughed, only half trying to push him away to end the onslaught. 

“Get a room,” suddenly a gruff voice interrupted from behind you. Turning around on the couch, you felt your cheeks grow red hot as your eyes landed on none other than Bakugo standing at the kitchen island behind you. “That was like watching a shitty wattpad story.” 

Kirishima laughed.

[heymonty]

I somehow feel like talking about Monty in a straight sense bothers you some, I can’t explain why it’s just a feeling I get. Does it though? If it does I’m really sorry it’s probably because you’re the only active Monty fan fic blogger and people feel comfortable “chatting” to you cause you’re so awesome, You gotta know though that there is TONS of MontyxOc (female oc/reader) fan fiction on tumblr & wattpad and the ladies Love him including me, some of them admittedly me included totally disregard that they made him gay because of all the fan fic stories out there that we’re not gonna stop reading & enjoying I mean have you seen him??!!! 😍. Fan fiction is amazing cause you’re able to picture yourself dating (FWB, blah blah blah), I mean me personally ever since I started reading fan fiction not just 13RW but other stuff too I found it as an escape from my usually shitty life it kept me from popping pills & cutting myself, I find myself getting lost in the character of whatever Oc is present and occasionally draw inspiration from them. Anyway I’ll stop rambling now lol…

Btdubs super sorry for this 10 000 page essay I wrote and for the deep shit I for some reason juts blurted out🤦🏻‍♀️.

Awee! Don't ever apologize if some people feel bothered 'just because' some people take Monty in a 'straight sense.' *hugs* Like I always keep telling most of you here 'You do you, darling.'

And to reassure you, I'm not bothered at all. 😊 I really appreciate you guys feeling safe about talking to me all these stuff you feel. 💙

I only explain and analyze Monty in a gay sense, cause 1) being that's who he is, and knowing only a little background of him, it helps me give more light about his character by analysing him from the show, so given those, it will become prominent to me what kind of boyfriend he is whether he ends up being with a girl or boy or anyone. Is he going to be flirty? A guy who likes fooling around? A cheater? Or is he a loyal one?

Anyway, I feel like the need to say those to avoid any misunderstanding. And I'm sorry if my answer is so vague it feels like I'm disregarding some of your preferences about Monty. I'm not. I was actually hoping it will help give some of you a little understanding who he might be as a boyfriend from my answers, regardless the sexuality I take him as. (well i still hope it does?🙈)

And same here. I once got this message on my other blogs from a different fandom feeling bothered about my shipping preferences, and I have the same answer as yours, telling them, that it's helping me get by my depression. And I'm so sorry that you're going through it. So, let me express, how I'm happy and proud of you continuing finding a little happiness here and there, and one of them -in this case- is our little Monty. ✨(who might be considered monster to some. skhdnsjsb) But those kind of people are the least of our concerns, cause this is our life. We just have to learn to welcome who's really worth our time and energy.

Also, true, I consider fanfiction a blessing cause you can just freely write anything your heart desires, may it contradict canon or not, but at least, for us, it is our canon. lol, and being able to read other people stories and relate, or simply enjoy what they have written in that fandom you're in. (人 •͈ᴗ•͈)

Aww! I don't mind. Thank you again for trusting me. This means a lot. And thank you for your kind words. Sending lots of love and a Monty plushie you can take care of your way! (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

[misterbitches]

I ship muren and li cheng bc i only saw it through gifs then i watched this episode cos i was like im only starting this show if they kiss im waiting and they did and it was nice and i got so anxious that i was about to fucking vomit. I really like them together. The top/bottom shit is dumb and i hope if they must mention it they all build a bridge and get over it so they can switch cos who gives a shit. I didnt realize how large they all are like most “tall” men on tv are lying. But bc that kid is so thin and tall and the other one (idk the stepbrother) is huge too. Li cheng is shorter than them both but more ~manly~ but still short so why doesnt he take a DICK UP HIS BUTT XD since that’s all that fucking matters and there’s only 2 genders and 2 eays to have sex lmao so nothing else otherwise ur screwed

Hd a terrible past couple of weeks personally and because i keep seeing my peopl eget murdered and things ripped from us ^_____^ anyway here’s Some libertatrian communist dumb bitch discoars so i’ll tag it:

keep in mind these are my opinions’”” when i engage in discourse. I am not the end all be all and I don’t need you to agree. There’s some shit I am non-negotiable on but thsi is just exchanging of information. Any authoratative tone I take on comes from my beliefs, my life, my experiences, and what I choose to cultivate as a person and an artist. I dont have control over your feelings, you do. If it hurts you then either tell me the issue and be PRECISE about it, understand that context matters which is why i type so much in engagement, and do not fucking lie or misconstrue my words. Do not call me western ever in your life either. I am a black-american. I have adhd and bc i am a black woman if ur automatically thinking im brolic i am accepting money in my paypal for ur wellbeing to get me to shut the fuck up.Thanks.

The stepbrothers storyline is stupid and lazy writing. I really want to counter people that say it’s written well and that it’s interesting because it isn’t. Even if it was illicit and fucked we can write a story out about this. Let’s rethink what they could have done shall we:

- become stepbrothers at about 16 and their parents mismanage the relationship and they fail in trying to get an integrated family together (this is what happened in the #iconic transit girls and that was fuckin’ weird but hey dude guess what we watched it and it was weird but not unethical and we know one is like 19 and the other is 21 and a girl so it’s like wow you avoided so much and handled their stepsister story very…….um lightly given the end lmao but it was there and people had AGENCY)

-OR you realize that freak is obsessed with him and then he realizes it and is like “bitch i swear to god” and in typical shtity trope BL fashion they can find a way from obsession, to loss and independence when you lose your obsession, to “love” if they choose

- have the fucked up shit but make it clear what the issues are and you literally cannot write your way out of it so do not try

But why can’t fucked up things be shown? Also this is realistic.

0. Well according to you but no one said that they can’t. So that’s on your interpretation of critique (that is, again, not bullying or harassment.) They can, i just gave plenty of scenarios in which it is affective and not just annoying to witness, trope-y, and frankly ridiculous and offensive. Sorry! They don’t do it well. You can come up with alternatives too. See #2 btw.

1. No it isn’t doing a good job of reflecting life because life has consequences. The exaggeration in drama doesn’t mean the arc shouldn’t be there. Almost always things that aren’t heavy with the message or meant to be sobering in a deep way are COMPELLING. The realism is the basis for art because we are human. This is not the way real humans act.

Someone said Tharn Type was mature and I had to laugh because no, no one acts that way and is “in love” if they act that way that means they fucking hate each other and they’re immature and frankly it’s just not that interesting for many of us to watch because the dramatization of the “realism” is fucking bonkers. That was such poor writing it is unbelievable and someone has the audacityt o say it’s how real adults act. Fucking murder me if I’m with someone for 7 years and we break up over a miscommunication and for some reason I am not as horny as my always horny boyfriend. The fuck? What kind of lives do you lead? Either you are not an adult or you are an adult who needs therapy.

I also hear the “realistic” argument but then people try and temper it with “but also it’s fiction.” What do you think fiction is? Why do you think filmmaking exists? Number one, it’s propaganda in the sense that you want others to buy into your presentation and see what you see. That means that the creators are telling people and influencing them WITH ART BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS about their feelings around a situation. That’s why it is imperative to be responsible as a filmmaker and artist and underline the deepness of creepiness if that’s what they want. If they want to relay that rape sometimes ok and psychos are crazy so they get boy (??!?!?!? BITCH?) then they achieved it with no innovative information. We know people get raped bc we are human beings and many of us live with that fear. You know, being the target demo and all. And bc BL loves that trope it’s rape fantasy peddled to young people and women. Just like shitty wattpad fics or NYT best sellers. Hooray, what now? Or are you trying to purport that this isn’t glorified fanfiction? Which it literally is

2. This is the issue with these shows. No one is saying that fucked up shit cannot be shown. There’s a film about a woman who is raped and she falls in love with her rapist (because he was masked but i think we find out later that she knows. Binoche is in it.) I have no desire for that film—i think it’s by a man and i extra dont care—but I hear it’s sort of powerful for many. I heard it was a good film. But the act itself is always eschewed and the conflict comes from how fucking ridiculous it is especially finding out that she knows. The power imbalance adn the possibility. They may not have handled it in a way I would have cared for but it was there.

There’s simply no imagination because these people do not care that much and aren’t great writers and filmmakers because they simply do not have to be. Sorry.

The industry doesn’t rely on the best they rely on efficiency (this is everywhere.) You can tell by the camera angles, the editing, the camera itself (idk if it is multicam but the flatness is typical soap flatness without the glowboxes to soften their faces.) Simple constant lighting. Now the surroundings are mostly beautiful. But even to some of the costumes. And those edits are abysmal, some of that camera work.

So with all that said even with the couple I extremely enjoy I see its (H4) faults. Add into that a lazily thrown together “shocking” love and if they are trying to get us to feel a type of way about its sexiness they fail. This is why movies like 50sog, 365 days, etc aren’t enjoyable to people because it’s fucking strange situations that they dont want to entangle or make enjoyable to viewers across the board. They know what people will take. It’s just that bitch what are we here for if even the sexiness isn’t there for ur stupid story.

At least with that teenager and 30 yr old man in MODC (which i do not love but i like them in theory if it wasnt totally repulsive to me and also if it was developed in a way that was good TO ME) they had their, er, “sex appeal” i talk about this as well the main couple in MODC to me, visually, was a miss. Not bc whatshisface was small and stuff but bc he was so sickly and they needed that to propel the story but it was just not appealing given how the story progressed. A missed opportunity in tying the two together besides making him look waif-y and sickly only to have the “did ur mom die in a car crash? No, cancer” type of move in not another teen movie. But the opposite. And not funny. Wayne tho????? GORL. Eggs. Cracked.

fandoms have a very warped sense of harrassment and discourse.

Most fandoms have harassers who are “protecting” the cast and crew who don’t need their protection (or maybe the crew does since they probably dont get paid well but why the fuck would anyone care about that lol) but very few have the people who have concerns or massive critique about the show are not going to be “bullying.”

If people are saying “if you like xyz, u suck” then sure it may suck for you to see but who fucking cares. Either talk to the person or don’t be friends with them. That is not bullying or harrassment. Things that are shitty get criticized. Fuck, things that aren’t shitty don’t. Get away from this idea of cancel culture and people misunderstanding the story. We have the ability to.

Think beyond your noses of personal preference. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them.

And guess what? You won’t like everybody. Many people can’t stand me i’m sure. Oh well. I mean frankly I don’t like that and I feel very unsettled when I don’t feel understood. That’s ok! I have to temper it. Sometimes calm myself down. I won’t get anything and everything I want. And you won’t like every opinion and sometimes it’s like “man am i a dummy?” But the part of growing up is fucking maanging that and beng honest about “bashing and harrassment” and “bullying” and growing up. Yuo can like what you want the “let people like what they want thing” is so fucking juvenile and THAT is not the real world. Which is probably why so many people feel that way, they dont want to live in the real world. Unfortunately, you do.

Think beyond our noses of personal preference and what we feel emotionally in conjunction with others. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. And you can say things that you believe to be true but it doesn’t make them so or maybe it isn’t received that way to people. And many times we learn new things in the discussions “oh shit i didn’t see it that way” right? Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them. Usually the “opposition” in these situations aren’t the popular beliefs that permeate through society. Trust me lmao

Antiblackness

Antiblackness is a thing. It permeates everywhere. It permeates in this genre and it permeates in fandom. Get it the fuck together. Also do not conflate cultural relativism with being repsectful. They are not barbarians, they are smart human beings either making work or deciding to. We all have diff cultures but we have fucking sense in what is respectful and not. And if we don’t we fucking learn. You cannot excuse things and say “oh culture” when you have 0 idea of that culture or actual people who are radical etc and are fighting against it. Additionally the word westerner is an ignorant term when referring to people in the US or UK who are black. Because we are not. We extend sympathy to other groups and empathy since we know so there is no inherent power imbalance between a black viewer and their subject. Don’t suggest that because it’s wrong and ahistorical and contextless.

FIRST the fallacy of representation as freedom makes people fucking complacent, individualistic, and doesn’t let them think critically. Consumption and discourse around consumption is not helping material conditions of the marginalized communities in your home, the black ones who are ignored, those intersectionalized in these communities. Groups talk about art and what it means for them outside of just what we see and because we also don’t have access to a bunch of Thai reviews or what movements or going on we are less likely to know if we don’t FUCKING SEARCH for it. Because art is constant...which leads me to....

Representation is difficult. It matters and it doesn’t.

Tthese shows are not meant to overturn the LGBTQ+ community.

There are queer filmmakers and artists in these countries. Deep illustrious film careers or even TV that is moving and deliberate. We can even see it with the dude from “your name engraved” in their short series he was in beforehand. BL is no wa pejorative because it is simply not “qu**r” storytelling whatever that means. But know it has always existed everywhere and there are also out artists or radical artists in all these countries who do no respect mediums that are cash-grabs and poorly made.

ex: As much as “Like in the Movies” sort of isnt for me and is a bit hamfisted you can tell how much love goes into that. Love of the characters, acting, and message. Yes it’s cringey to see some of the lines (like very tbh subtlety wasnt exactly their strong suit) and yea naming them after lenin and marx is just 0ihgoaudgijposkagjihou BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY FUCKING DID IT. THEY TRIED. And class was a large component as well bc u cant fuckin ignore it. The show is aware of the machinations in its world as a show but also in the philippines and for a fuckin reason. And duatarte? Loooooooool so like yea not so sure bl makes him love his ppl but the show isnt trying to do that

It’s not a transgressive genre and it has no reason to be. No ethical anything under the way we live it’s just trying your fucking best to be. That’s it. They serve societal ills and capital’s purposes. Which is fine but it is not revolutionary.

These countries in SEA or even SA do not have as big budget for even mainstream dramas—though things are changing and that’s bc REVENUE like revenue from kpop is fucking huge for SK and again so much about that is bc of what happened in their history from japanese imperialism to WWII to the US—so for “queer” stuff it is sort of now important to make that an export and it sure is one. Not only globally or to the west but a lot of these places make their money within asia (duh!) outside of their countries. OBVIOUSLY. so BL is a way to output and gain money. The thing is, it doesnt seem to be put back into the industry at all. For people in all these countries to make works that aren’t for mainstream or wont reach as many people there’s a difference between trying and just shoving shit in your face and going here it’s gay you like it right? But dont antagonize the inherent patriarchal nature of BL.

Another thing: did you guys know thailand was never colonized? You should look it up. There’s little hints of things in ITSAY to represent french influence still. Isnt that fascinating? Find out why. It’s certainly interesting that the representation, though damaging and dubious many times and also incorrect like any media, is huge in asia and this isnt a commodity here (the US) exactly. A lot of that has to do with colonial ideas of gender of which I am sure. But listen………lmao

Sometimes people dont give a shit. And it very much shows. Here is the thing once again. GOOD TRANSGRESSIVE WORK exists.

Een within the capitalist Bs paradigm or you can see people trying (I can sort of applaud parts of lovely writer) also queer media has always existed everywhere the reason you don’t know about it is because it gets takena nd commodified into a mainstream product. We hvae little incentive, particularly if we are not fans of cinema or art in gen, to search fror others when the output is right here. Being dictated by others and the state and who will give you money. No longer an effort of a cast and crew who want to convey things. But google [any country] independent cinema, radical cinema, queer radical cinema, or even retrospectives on the cinema and rethinking what is queer and radical in film. What if we took that, diluted it, got rid of the creators who put themselves through all the work, ignroe al the nuances and do……………….two actors who are conventionally attractive with no chemistry making out.

It’s the same here lets say daniel kaluuya winning the oscar for the film about the BPP. I heard it was okay and not too offensive but it still isnt’ enough. It still isn’t like hwood isn’t trash, nnati black, misogynistic towards BW and women, and all that other shit. It was pushy but it can’t be enough where we are. Black KKKlansmen i think won an oscar, by circumstance i fuckin hate these award shows they mean nothing, and i like the film a lot but he has his misogynoir still resting in his films even if it is poignant. And it was a film that honestly wasn’t really made for black people. And should all art be a response to direct trauma or trying to make ourselves palatable when we’re just human?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and it’s importance (capitalism) but also sorta individual responsibility

Considering a lot of these actors are rich and then just dip that’s another problem. Mainstream isn’t what sustains marginalized art ever. It doesn’t change in the vast ways we think it does. What changes is the people of these groups pushing, fighting, forcing and then capitalism trying to make it work under capitalism. It will not. It cannot.

This is why artists and labels often don’t mix or you see people like Sonic Youth doing whatever they want and pissing off their label but making them give them money. Same with Nirvana. Vince Staples. The thing is they can fight and make good shit but what capitalism helps people….not care? They don’t respect the audience? We’re getting those returns on poor executed product placement, lighting, editing, framing, fucking acting. And you surewon’t see mixed black asians in these shows. WHY R U is the oNLY one i have seen it in and he just disappears (but that was pretty cool.) so who the fuck is this representing? And before you start: asian countries are not homogenous the way we believe them to be. There are marginalized communities outside of even mixed people that are harmed. So you can skrrt cause on that one: you’re wrong buddy. But it gives us the IDEA of a paradise which is what they NEED.With representation and visibility comes consequence and responsibility as artists. What it allows them to do is coast and not think complexly because why should they; it’s mostly the fantasies of some older woman who probably has money and much less interaction with the world. It’s bonkers. And what that allows even further is for them to say YOU ARE THE THING THAT YOU CONSUME and the THING THAT YOU CONSUME IS YOURS. It is not, it is not your identity, form a close bond but figure it the fuck out. Especially for adults who are hellbent on twisting their minds into pretzels and can’t acknowledge what’s just laziness in art and not giving a fucking shit. Truly.

There’s damage that has been done from Parasite as he was supported by CJE&M and the bullshit obsession america had and eveyrone’s poor interpretation of it if they are rich. BJH is a socialist and he is a filmmaker. He has made films that are outstanding and cost a lot of money. But now a fear for indie filmmakers is just not being able to raise that much or have that much attention. Getting funding that helps them instead of expecting the Next Big Thing that is a fad because capitalism is trash. Yes this funneling of money is absolutely harmful to us artists. Even buying in is strategic. Additionally, that film is probs one of the most radical films to have that wide release and accolade (unlike “Sorry to Bother You” which i have a lot of thoughts about. One being that asian exports are acceptable but black ones are not. This is an overall art critique and global media critique. Blackness is removed, not respected.) However, filmmaking isn’t green, it can’t be socialist, and it’s a lot of work. They used tons and tons and TONS of water to do a huge beautiful feat but we still know there is a cost. We have to figure that out because it shouldn’t be. It doesn’t go back into the crew’s pockets the way it should and the work becomes that of the director’s and actors solely. It’s fucking hard. We have to do our part but it doesn’t mean we are doing it perfectly. We just have to try to do better. So does BJH cos he needs to not be a misogynist but anyways i digress.

additionally and this is something some users fail to understand: people in the media sphere generally have fucking money. I went to film school that was international with super fucking rich kids. Taiwanese kids, kids from south asia, china, thailand. They had money. No not upper middle class money, not “rich” money, not some paltry 1m that’s chump change. Fucking money. Fucking RICH-RICH. MILLIONAIRES. BILLIONAIRES. WHICH IS DISGUSTING MIGHT I ADD. The domestic people didn’t have the money for school (in the UK) and i am in a massive amount of debt like every other black student that went there. You do not understand how much money is needed to survive so people who turn to these crew positions even casting etc need this fucking money usually. OKAY. A lot of the people that do well in these dumb shows or even on a larger scale HAVE MONEY. The reason these industries are small and struggling is because of lack of people and lack of resources to independent shit because oh gee it takes money to make things.

Why should I try? Well you don’t have to really if you have money or a name. Yet...

We can tell when like those Tik Tok shows or DCOMs dont give a shit (anymore.) You know how frustrated we get when content for young people is garbage? Well, see, BL is literally that under that system. Occasionally we will get something good now but there is virtually no need in any sector in the world at this point to truly figure out how to make it better and what to do to enhance artistic literacy, outreach, teaching people new things, getting people from these communities there and having true realistic says. Art and culture is IMPERATIVE TO WORLD LIBERATION but not when it is so stiffly trying to bend to capital’s idea of progressiveness. No. Neoliberalism. No.

That’s why in a way ITSAY is a huge feat; it takes from films etc and they clearly had money (the actors rae rich too which….lmaooooo j’aime pas) but it was a respected fucking script, acting was important, blocking, framing. There’s very little to critique as a visual medium for that because I understand what they are trying to do, their market is going to be mostly young girls, but they RESPECT THE FUCKING AUDIENCE. And guess what guys? You can make money from it!!!! WOAH! Since that may be the only goal which is disgusting and repulsive.

HOWEVER AND THIS IS WHAT IS SAD: itsay is an ex of a great show however knowing the actors backgrounds and the pseudo trouble it stirred when they weren’t supporting people protesting against the coup in the summer it really put a damper on my enjoyment. And this is how we can see that:

a) it’s honestly just a show and a good one but b) now what?

These kids (actors, who are like idk 19? 20?) are rich and not saying anything while countless actors, who were filming, did. Even tul who has $$$$ and the thing is the protesting against the coup legitimately attacks the rich. As it should. The protests going on were cries for help, against a dictatorship and fucking coup, asking people to get fucking help for covid, having kids be able to live. There’s a mini on VICE about this and it probably doesnt go too in depth but there’s a kid in there who talks about his friends getting into drugs and how he just wants to make music, have fun, skateboard. And it’s harrowing to see. This is a direct example of what these things do and don’t do. Yea we know a good show is here, we know growing up and slice of life, we know this is a bit of escapism and idealism but the idealism is reflected in the way these actors also choose to live their lives. So what progress? To who? For who? How is this helping me? What purpose does it serve? I say ITSAY serves its purpose as a piece and a glimpse into possibility of growing up but i do not say it antagonizes a broader issue that needs to be relevant in some sense but simply is not. It’s very singleminded and, well, it’s sort of like “besides my sexuality, what do i have to worry about?” But for real humans like....a lot. I do not respect their decision at all.

Why can’t we do our jobs and make something decent and respect our audience? No time, gotta make that sweet sweet sweet cash baybee. Look how progressive we are! Don’t look at history and material conditions. Thanks in advance, management.

History 4 does not have that respect. Many of these shows do not. Sometimes we hit good, sometimes we don’t. But in the end we cannot settle. And I won’t. If I am critiquing something I will not be shy and if I am meant to enjoy something as escapism then these shows NEED to highlight that and it’s rare sometimes (the best twins is a good reminder like that show is bad but man do i Brain Empty when i turn it on and i like that and there’s not much in it that makes me want to kill myself from annoyance but there are transphobic jokes i dont love however the whole show is a comedy about this dude’s crazy homophobic sister and she is constantly positioned as wrong and they talk about the aforementioned trans women as the actor was in drag. Interesting that they can manage that, huh?)

Oh btw.....taiwan has a very complicated history but ignore all the bad stuff it’s good now you can kinda sorta get married and stuff. KMT? You know how i learned that? I care about human beings and read about it lmao. I am not Taiwanese and look at that. So now I have historical and DIALECTICAL~**~*~****~*~*~ context so i can judge it as an artist, a black woman from america, and from the knowledge i have to pick up on their history to see if this fits into a broader picture besides the micro-one of sexuality on an individualized level. And this is kinda where it comes full circle: these shows are not you, you are not them, they do not exist in a vacuum because nothing does. The failure to critique now means continuing on as it has and it will still do so. History and time are not linear in the sense we think it is. Someitmes things are better, sometimes things feel more austere. We are not living under liberation though and these shows are not going to do so. So they are not US nor are they for a nebulous “us” of which the groups are all fractured and have diff opinions anyway (my opinion as a black american is going to vary from an asian woman’s say and that could really clash and i do not feel solidarity with all those in every community i am for several reasons.)

Final thots that have taken up my time and the only thing i actually wanted to write but got distracted:

Anyway my dissertation is that I ilke Muren and LiCheng a lot a lot and i like how cute they are and how truly dumb li cheng is. This is an example of mostly good writing, decent actors, nice chemistry, and sort of a calmness to them. And I super enjoy how Muren is pretty forward with LC in the sense that being together is like very important to truly be together. When he was like “no i didnt forget!” Or when LC asked him something in the office I forget it was 6 am and again i almost threw up and muren nodded and then LC leaned on him. Very cute. I want more of them tho i may have to skip that othre couple (the cameo the ones from MODC) but omfg the younger one HIS HAIR GREW SO MUCH HE LOOKS SO MATURE AND CUTE OMFGIJ0HUG9SAOGIJPKOAGJSIOHUAGIJP hahhaha the one good thing i will say about THEM.idk how old the actor is i figure he was young idk it makes me happy to see him he’s very cute. I hope he’s in something i can watch and not gag at. Is he hot? Who knows but he is a cutie!!

Anyway muren and lc have a good thing going it’s nice to watch ho\pe they dont fuck it up but im truly a sucker for some true finds 2 luvas i think some user on her\e was like i’m not a fan of friends ot lovers bc it doesn’t seem like they’re actually friends and maybe they were referring to this show idk. But it made me think and it was a very good observation. So i think they are friends and also luvrs <3

[eradicatetehnormal]

I Am Frustrated

I have mixed feelings about the popularization of fandom culture in recent years. On one hand, it's great that there are more people to interact with about the interests that I like, but on the other hand, I'm not really comfortable with letting anyone just walk into fandom culture, not understanding the point and intention behind it. To be honest, a lot of my worst experiences were scrolling through social media sites and seeing people who were obviously tweens and children trying to police a piece of ship art or an interpretation of a character they didn't like.

Fandom, while still having a lot of the problems it does now, it wasn't generally on the scale. I didn't get to live through most of this, because my interaction with fandom was limited, but back in the pre mid-2010's era of fandom if you wanted to enjoy fan content, you went on Wattpad, AO3, deviant art, and if you were feeling, extra spicy, you watched an AMV on youtube (although now they're called fan cams lmao). We're these sites perfect? No, of course not, but they were little niche spaces on the internet. Problems like ship wars, nsfw art being in places where they didn't belong, people bullying other people over the interpretation of certain characters, etc. were all still prevalent, but the thing was back then, they mostly stayed in their niche fandom corners, they weren't written about in big-name pop culture magazines like they are now with things like the Falcon x Winter solider or whatever ship.

Now, issues are a lot more accelerated, because for some reason, instead of keeping it in niche zones, fandom decided to move onto bigger juggernaut websites such as Twitter and Instagram. This in itself isn't a bad thing, but it does create a bad situation of ANYONE being able to interact with fandom culture and insert themselves in. This leads to fandoms attacking other fandoms and mass bullying of shippers and fanfic writers, an even bigger fan entitlement, especially amongst the younger portions of the fandom.

Recently, there has been a lot of people trying to police the fandom, saying that it's meant to be for kids... Or that a certain property is for kids. I get this point for NSFW of kids shows, but that's honestly where this argument should begin and end. Fandom is not and has never been just for kids, it is for anyone who enjoys a piece of fiction and wants to show their appreciation of it via buying merchandise, drawing fanart, writing fanfiction, etc. etc. It's not just for you and other young kids, especially if the said property is

A. older than you are

B. Literally made with an adult audience in mind

You do not get to walk your 16 and under ass into the AOT or ATLA fandom and then have the nerve to be offended when most of the people there are adults.

Just recently, an extremely popular mod for the game Friday Night Funkin was taken down by the creator due to harassment from the fans. What was the harassment for you ask? It was because the mod added in a character that cussed and flipped off the player and that's offensive because FNF is a "kids game"... How dare someone put cursing into a Newgrounds game? Fucking criminal. That is the point we are at. Fandom Karens...

Honey boo boo child, I don't know what to tell you but uhhh *whispers* Friday Night Funkin was not made with kids in mind... It literally exists to be a tribute to Newgrounds and features characters like Tank Man and Pico from Pico's School. The only people who would know those characters pre-fnf are people who are old enough to have been on the early internet. The actual premise of the game as confirmed by Phantom Arcade is that Boyfriend is trying to have sex with Girlfriend every Friday night, but is always stopped and forced to do a singing battle.

The worst part is that people don't even want you to criticize kids who do this stuff because "they're just kids" and "of course they want a space for themselves" and "we were like that when we were kids". Bruh, shitty behavior is shitty behavior no matter the age or whatever other factors. There comes a point where it's not an excuse anymore. Mass harassing a modder because they put the word "fuck" in a Newgrounds game, or doxxing people over ships and fandom critiques, is inexcusable no matter what the age of the aggressor is.

[shy-marker-pliers]

hey y’all, don’t make fun of people for making self insert characters or writing themselves into their favorite fictional universes. they could be doing it to cope with some shit and the last thing they need is for someone to make them feel bad for drawing pictures of and making stories about themselves and their favorite characters.

like, the first ever fanfic i wrote was when i was in fifth grade. this was before i even knew what fan fiction was or that anyone else wrote it, mind you. and i wrote this story. it was about me joining a team with all of my favorite superheroes and having all sorts of adventures. now i can’t remember everything about the book, but i can tell you everyone was extremely out of character. even my fifth grade self knew that lol. but that didn’t matter to me because, as a lonely kid with no friends, (literally. no friends. i spent my recesses reading, drawing, and occasionally hiding behind the line of pine trees that separated the playground and the field next to it to cry.) all i wanted was for someone to talk to me. so i made people talk to me. not real people, but it was better than nothing.

i never published this story obviously, but in 7th grade i discovered the wonderful world of wattpad. i spent my lunches sitting alone, with people only ever coming over to ask if they could take a chair to bering it to a different table, but at least this time i had something to do. i didn’t publish self inserts there because i had heard things about it being ‘cringe’ and i don’t want to be made fun of, but i still wrote. i wrote an x reader about my favorite video game at the time. i was mostly doing it for myself, so imagine my surprise when i opened up wattpad one day to find that about 2000 people had read my story. and for the first time i realized there were people like me who also wanted nothing more than to escape from their reality.

i’m still lonely. a lot of stuff in my childhood has caused...i don’t want to say trauma, but definitely lasting effects on who i am as a person. and i’ll even admit that when i’m feeling extra shitty, i’ll indulge and write a quick fic about me and the characters i love in my notes app. not to publish, but just for me. to read if i’m feeling down and remember that even if i’m not around real people, i can always feel at home.

so uh, moral of the story? i dunno. tbh i just needed to vent. there’s the obvious lessons, like don’t judge, be accepting, yadda yadda, but i think the most important thing here is for everyone to know that the things that make them happy are never ‘cringe’ or ‘stupid’. they’re just a regular old part of them, like favorite foods or clothing style.

it’s funny, at first i was just going to type what you read the first paragraph and leave it at that, but i kind of went off on a tangent. well, whatever. sorry for the long post i guess lol.

anyway, happy creating.

-love, Shy.

[gracereadstoomanybooks]

answering questions I’ve been asked on TikTok✨

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QUESTION: how did you get into reading?

So, when I was in middle school (many moons ago) we had this thing called AR Testing. Basically, you read a book and take a test on it—the questions were things that happened in the book, it was really simple. If you got a good grade, you got points. The more points you earned, the more eligible you were for the reading party at the end of each semester. Me, being the nerd I am, got top of my class because I went through 8th grade level books like it was nothing. The librarian at my school brought me books from the high school to read since everything was easy for me, and alas, my addiction began. And now that I have adult money, it’s a true addiction. Also, telling my father “I’m bored” and his response being, “go read a book or something” so thanks dad.

QUESTION: what’s one book you ALWAYS recommend to people?

This one is tough because I’ve read THOUSANDS of books, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be Confess by Colleen Hoover. I fell in love with her work in high school when I first read Ugly Love, but Confess is the type of book that pulls at your heart strings, y’all. It has everything people love: humor, sexual tension, drama, love. GO BUY THE DAMN BOOK. Or honestly any book by Colleen Hoover—she’s a fucking amazing author.

QUESTION: outside of making TikToks, what do you do for a living?

I currently work at a restaurant and hate every second of it. If anyone tells you to become a server, DONT. It’s not worth the hassle, I promise you. Sure, you can make decent money but the amount of rude customers and shitty tips you receive each shift is very disheartening. If you really need a job, do anything BUT work in the food industry.

QUESTION: what’s your wattpad story about?

First question: which one? I have about 30 drafts sitting there waiting to be posted. But, I’m going to assume you’re talking about the Harry Styles fan fiction I’ve been working on for the past 4 years and haven’t had the courage to post. I’ll tell you a little about it: Elaine Aldridge is forced into a betrothal to a man she’s never met & loathes. She goes to his court and realizes things aren’t what they truly seem. And the guard her future husband sticks on her??? None other than Mr. Harry Styles. Add in some magic & deaths and you’ve got my story— The First Prince. (Honestly, that’s an extremely shitty description so if you wanna check it out go to my wattpad account)

QUESTION: how old are you?

Ahem. . . twenty-one.

QUESTION: what is your dream career?

Being a published author and having people rave about my books. That’s all. Or, an editor for a publishing company. Imagine reading all day and being paid for it🤩

QUESTION: what was your least favorite read of 2020?

I already KNOW I’m gonna get shit for this but....... the wicked king. YALL I LITERALLY COULDNT GET THROUGH IT IM SO SORRY, I STILL HAVENT FINISHED IT

QUESTION: current favorite author?

Sarah. J. Maas. I don’t know what it is about her writing style, but it’s addicting. Throne of Glass is hands down the best series I’ve ever read. A Court of Thorns and Roses is the first book I’ve EVER reread. Her stories truly suck you in and hold onto you—you get lost so easily in her writing and it’s like once you’re done with a series, nothing will compare. Or, at least that’s how I felt after finishing Kingdom of Ash. Honorable mentions: Jennifer L. Armentrout, Penelope Douglas, L.J Shen, Elle Kennedy and Kennedy Fox.

QUESTION: any recommendations/tips to give to a new reader?

I’ve always given this advice to people who want to get into reading: find what you like and start with that. If you like romance, I’ve got a list for you to choose from. Mystery? Another list. Sci-fi? I GOT YOU. Fantasy? Yes! Sports fiction? It might take me a second but I’ll find you a book. Nonfiction? I’m zero help in that category, honestly. The point of the matter is that you’re never going to enjoy a book if you aren’t interested in the underlying topics.

QUESTION: do you ever find yourself comparing your life to fictional life?

Yes. All the time. I daydream about being apart of the Inner Circle and living in Terrasen with Aelin and Rowan. I think about what it would be like to have real powers and a mate. It drives my boyfriend crazy—but he loves me anyway.

QUESTION: what are your most anticipated books of 2021?

Here’s a list:

A Court of Silver Flames by Sarah J. Maas

The Crown of Gilded Bones by Jennifer L. Armentrout

Gods and Monsters by Shelby Mahurin

Crescent City 2 (Untitled) by Sarah J. Maas

A Vow So Bold and Deadly by Brigid Kemmerer (I just ordered this one & it arrives tomorrow)

Blessed Monsters by Emily A. Duncan

QUESTION: why did you start a Tumblr?

Honestly, I used to love tumblr when I was in grade school (way too young to be on here then but what else is new). I like having an extra space to get my questions and comments out without having to compress it into a 60 second video for TikTok to see. Tumblr is a good place to blog & post things like this.

QUESTION: what’s your favorite song right now?

I’ve listened to Carry You by Novo Amor every day for the past two months and I cry each time.

QUESTION: why write Harry Styles fan fiction?

Simple: I love Harry Styles. I’ve been a fan of him and One Direction since they were on X FACTOR. Read that again. X. Factor. I used to watch their performances on YouTube before WMYB even came out. Of course, I love all of the 1D boys but I was always a Harry gal. And I look up to him in a way—I’ve read things about people wishing they knew him personally and honestly? I would never want to meet him. I like the version of him I’ve cooked up in my brain over the past 10 years. I like the symbiotic relationship I have with his music. Fine Line is a ✨masterpiece✨. HS1 is a ✨work of art✨.

now, some topics I’ve been asked way too many times and want to finally get to:

QUESTION: political views?

the saying “anyone but trump” has been in my brain for the past four years. No, I’m not a republican. No, I’m not a democrat. I like to think of myself as a progressive (ahem, liberal) Did I vote for a democratic candidate? Yes, and I’d do it again and again until the US isn’t one of the worst countries—I’m sorry, businesses— to be apart of. I wanted Bernie but got Biden, and I’m alright with that. And my girl Kamala🥳

QUESTION: how did you feel about the BLM protests?

I went to multiple BLM protests and donated a lot of funds to BLM & other organizations. It’s 2021, people... stop being fucking RACIST. And don’t be afraid to call racist people out! Black Lives Matter, even if no one is posting about it anymore.

QUESTION: thoughts on abortion?

your body your choice, queen! not my uterus, not my problem.

QUESTION: there was a comment on an old video of yours talking about r*pe, why did you delete the comment?

I made a video when I first started my account on TikTok about reading in public and feeling “turned on” by it. Go watch it if you don’t know what I’m talking about. BUT, some ignorant male decided to comment and say “this is how girls get r*ped”. Whew. So. I deleted the comment because ....

I am a victim of sexual assault. Along with a lot of other women. 1 in 5 women have been victims of sexual assault. Talking about being r*ped isn’t funny.

No one else needed to see his comment. I reported it immediately and his account was shut down.

I never got justice for what happened to me, and the fact that some random male—who had never even met me or seen me before my video showed up on his FYP—had the nerve to comment that? Unacceptable.

this question isn’t as controversial but

QUESTION: what’s the best way to get out of a toxic relationship?

okay, let me just start off by saying that the people around you who love and support you are going to be your backbone. Leaving a toxic situation is hard, and every situation is different, but my best piece of advice to offer you is don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your loved ones are going to be there for you when you need them, even if you don’t believe they will. If you explain what’s happening, someone you know and love will drop whatever it is their doing to make sure you get out safely. good luck my babes.

now, back to our regularly scheduled program:

QUESTION: any tips on making tiktoks?

Literally none. I post what I think is funny and relatable and if anyone agrees, I’m satisfied. Even if it’s one view, it’s good enough for me. So I guess my one tip is to not base your life off of an app and followers.

QUESTION: favorite Harry Styles fanfic?

DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE. Duplicity is up there, along with Stall 1&2, and Kiwi. After? Absolutely not.

QUESTION: favorite WEBTOON?

y’all already KNOW. LORE OLYMPUS BY USEDBANDAID. Rachel is a genius and I have reread the series a million times. Hades is my soulmate and Apollo can rot in the fiery pits of the Underworld. also, if we’re talking about other webcomics, reading Walk on Water on mangadex...🤫

QUESTION: favorite movie?

Howls Moving Castle. I will be getting my “a heart is a heavy burden” tattoo very very soon.

QUESTION: I read your Elain theory on tumblr, can you explain a little more?

I thought I was pretty straightforward but I’ll say it again: she is always the “good” one and it’s too suspicious. SJM has already given one Archeron sister a happy ending, Nesta’s is obviously inevitable, but Elain? She has too many options for a happy ending. Lucien, who is her “mate”. Azriel, who is intrigued by her slightly. Her human guy—I don’t remember his name—who is disgusted that she’s not human anymore. Or, alone, planting flowers all day. BUT! My point is that she’s not truly happy. She was forced into the Cauldron just like Nesta. She was ripped away from the life she loved so dearly and didn’t want to give up. The man she was going to marry now hates her guts because she’s a High Fae. She has the perfect set up for a villain plot line and I’m all here for it.

well, that’s all I feel like doing tonight. hope you enjoyed my little q&a! be kind, and talk to you later! byeeee!

[sinkix]

《What your fav Haikyuu!! Character says about you│Nekoma Edition》

Yo-hoo! Here’s another part to this potential(?) series! I hope you enjoy the possible call-outs in some of these lmao. Writers block been kicking my ass recently but I had a lot of fun writing these. Enjoy <3

You can find the Karasuno ver. here 

✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧

Kuroo:

Have a hand fetish and will not say no to choking.

Daddy kink™

Will not accept anything below 6 inches.

More of a dog person but would love to own a black cat.

You drool over tattoos.

Your grades are mostly B’s but you know in your heart you deserve that A, and tbh you probably do. Chase ur goals bby.

Halloween is likely your favourite holiday.

You have to resist not to carve a dick into the pumpkin EvEry GodDAmN YeAr.

You either study for 6 hours consecutively or cannot study at all and you get very frustrated at this.

Have the potential to be a good leader and command the room but probably don’t put it to use as much as you should.

Your playlist parkours from sad 3am crying into your pillow songs to aggressive punk music you could rob a store to.

You like bad boys who hang around bars and look like they would put out a cigarette on your forearm and call you a slut. Just stating facts sweaty xoxo.

Either dress very feminine and girly with a ‘smol girl uwu’ aesthetic or a hardass punk who would kick your ass for a can of beer no in between and tbh both are equally hot.

You’re a big softie at heart either way and just want to be held and told everything will be okay.

Ur a hoe for when people stroke your hair or caress your chin it’s your ultimate weakness.

Watched Rick & Morty.

Twice.

Sleeves rolled up veiny forearms and donning a silver watch are your muse and something you fantasise about frequently.

Most of your memes are shitty top text bottom texts that are somehow funny and I don’t understand why lmao.

You call someone ‘bro’ even if it’s someone you’re immensely attracted to.

Did someone say ties? No it’s just ur dirty ass thoughts thinking about that hot business dudes attire from across the street and how you wish they were tied around ur wrists.

Probably had a crush on Jeff the Killer as a tween and are relentlessly haunted by your old Wattpad library. 

Tbh any dark-haired dude with bedhead that screams rugged and probably not good for you is something that draws you like a moth to a flame.

You often question why every person you’ve fallen for has been a Scorpio and curse that tendency of yours.

Dw man they’re hot so I feel u.

Kenma:

Went through a ‘I’m not like other __’ phase and it’s something that you think about a lot and wish you didn’t.

Watched dan & phil as a kid.

Any mention of Pokemon has you turning into a rabid beast you get way too excited.

It’s cute though dw bby.

Pretty antisocial but interesting to talk to.

Your family often question how you’re able to sleep in till 3pm and judge you heavily for it.

Nocturnal night owl gang rise up.

Frequently have bags under your eyes but somehow manage to pull it off.

Listen to ASMR on the down-low and will never admit it to a single soul.

Frequently go on BL binges and have many related book marks.

You pray that someone will never find your laptop bc holy fuck the amount of smut on that.

You wear scarves & beanies even when it isn’t that cold outside.

100% went through a scene hair phase/attempted to.

You dye your hair a lot or REALLY want to.

You have a voice kink low-key so anyone with a pleasant/soothing sounding voice just gets u goin’.

Cats are your favourite animal and you either do or want to own several.

Would name them after video game/anime characters u fuckin nerd lol.

Speaking of cats ,you fantasise heavily about cat-boys and have a folder dedicated to them.

Oversized hoodies are your vibe and always ball the sleeve hems in your fist as a comfort mechanism.

Shopping centres are your worst nightmare and trigger your claustrophobia or social anxiety and honestly I feel that spiritually.

Have a cute sticky note collection.

You like a lot of music consisting of guitar and slow/soothing beats.

You also fw EDM/ techno on occasions.

Honestly wouldn’t wanna anger you since you have a seething temper when pushed far enough.

It’s the kinda temper that’s eerily quiet but no less terrifying, like the other person can tell you are graphically plotting their demise.

You love sleeping to the sound of rainfall and often play those nature ambience videos while you sleep.

Never tidy your sheets and it’s just a big scrunched up heap of fabric in the centre of your mattress most of the time.

Make your fucking bed.

Lev:

Your ships are chaotic and shamelessly controversial.

Would do something just for the sake of creating mayhem lmao.

You were the fucker who stuck their chewing gum under the desk, I see you.

Your brain never stops whirring it’s a constant hurricane of crackhead energy and you have no idea how to turn it off. 

Would eat a stick of pencil lead for $2

You don’t help your situation with the amount of coffee/energy drinks you consume.

The class clown who cries themselves to sleep.

Such a wholesome dumbass but somehow kinda intimidating??? 

Even if you’re not confident you can do something you’ll try anyway and honestly I respect that about you.

You !! use!!! a lot??!! of!! random punctuation!!! so you always??!?!? seem!!111!! excited!!!!!11!?

Every time you’ve ever tried to make a sandcastle it has failed.

You tried to eat the sand once but we don’t talk bout that.

You would  also pick up slugs and snails and chase your friends around with them.

Can never tell whether people are laughing with you or at you and while you don’t let it show it high-key bothers you when you’re laying alone in your room at night.

Not one to hold grudges, you carry a ‘shit happens’ mentality which is v good but it sometimes leads to people taking advantage of it or walking all over you.

Your meme collection is both questionable and horrifying.

Like how many cursed images and heavily distorted pictures does one person need.

Never organise the files on your PC/laptop so it looks like a complete dumpster fire.

The one at sleepovers who persistently woke everyone else up with their snickering and refusal to sleep till dawn.

For the love of Asahi charge your damn phone.

I see that red bar and ‘12%’

Charge it now.

Bought a plant one time, gave it a name and talked to it frequently.

It died not long after bc u forgot to fucking water it.

No one better ever make you responsible for a pet.

Type of person that when someone asks you to tag along on an endeavour no matter how stupid it is you will agree.

2am skydiving in france? hell yeah.

Midnight shopping spree and spending over half your pay check? count you in.

Exploring an abandoned hospital and performing an Ouija board to summon the demons of hell? you’re damn right you’ll be there.

I hope you have a mum friend by your side bc if not how are you still alive.

You sometimes put the milk in before the cereal and it’s something I’ll never forgive you for.

Yaku:

Very responsible and usually make the right decisions.

You do have moments where you act like a complete dumbass though.

Like u go from 50 year old to 5 year old in the blink of an eye.

A hopeless romantic but it’s a side you don’t often reveal.

Prefer strawberry milk over any other flavour.

You’re the type of person to shower twice a day w/o fail.

Where that stank smell coming from? Not you clearly bc your skin is basically 90% The Body Shop’s rose scented soap at this point.

You get stomach aches a lot and you can’t figure out why.

Probably an allergy to everyone’s bs.

Really good at dirty talk even though you don’t seem the type so people are always taken aback.

You have to be really in the mood though otherwise it falls flatter than Oikawa’s ass, use your skill wisely.

You often call people clowns when you know you’re secretly the biggest one going.

Honk honk, hoe.

You send messages in one paragraph rather than multiple texts unless you are REALLY excited.

People underestimate you at times then are shocked when they realise you are capable of being a fire-breathing dragon from the flaming pits of hell.

You like spicy chicken wings.

Such a petty little shit at times lmao.

Enjoy the view from the top of mountains so you either hike a lot or really want to.

Way more of a cat person since it’s just much more convenient for you.

Usually pretty cheerful or calm and people are drawn to your stable/friendly aura.

Went through a phase of drinking mountain dew and your body still feels the awful effects

Fav element is probably air.

You’re 5′6″ or shorter.

Box dyed your hair brunette several times and can never get the pigment out to this day.

Yamamoto:

Whenever you smell something weird in the room you always internally freak out and think it’s you.

Head-butting walls is your hobby.

You fell off your bike as a kid and still have the scar on your knee.

Probably have tons of ear piercings.

Would tame a pigeon and call it Larry.

You get frequent nosebleeds and can never tell if it’s a medical issue or your extreme simping for fictional men/women.

Hopefully the latter.

You constantly chew your pen/pencil in class so you never lend them to anyone out of embarrassment.

I really hope no one ever lends you stationery bc 30 minutes later it’ll look like it was mauled by a rabid rottweiler.

You really want to own a dog and would call it something intimidating like Banshee or Diablo.

You bleached your hair that one time and it almost fell out so now you’re forced to stay at least 10 metres away from all at-home hair dye products.

You tried your best though bby so A for effort, even if it did look like dehydrated ramen afterwards.

Your grades are mostly C’s and you’re barely passing bc you just don’t care about your classes lol.

Still though you’re actually pretty smart so put it to good use you lazy oaf, channel that crackhead energy into something good.

Your phone screen has several cracks in it from when you dropped it on the bathroom floor while shitting and you’ll always be angry at yourself for that.

You have some really weird quirks but you make it work.

Actually a v chill person but you just kinda attract chaos/trouble wherever you go.

Carry a lighter with you even when you don’t need one.

Shy texter but once people see you irl you are the complete opposite, you just dk how to text without coming across as awkward.

One of those people that’s unintentionally funny and always get confused when you make someone laugh but it makes you feel good regardless.

Have a cool necklace collection and own at least one dog-tag/army style pendant.

Should really consider buying a rabbit you would look so cute w/ one.

You have really nice legs and people should compliment them more.

Either severely dehydrated or overly hydrated to the point you are peeing pure tap water so for the love of god please learn moderation, your kidneys and bladder will thank you for it.

Inuoka:

Your favourite character would be Hinata but you like people taller than you so your love for Inuoka spawned.

You really enjoy using the double spiderman meme.

Cannot correctly verbalise your feelings without creating a minimum of 10 misunderstandings but once people are used to it it’s kinda endearing.

You usually wake up in a good mood and people can never fathom how or why.

You either stay up till 5am or you wake up at that time no in between.

A morning person bc you love the sunrise.

Change your lock-screen very regularly bc you get bored.

Your humour consists solely of poop jokes.

When you don’t understand a joke you laugh anyway and hope they don’t ask you if you actually get it.

Happened once and you’re still traumatised from the cricket silence that fell upon the room.

Really like the taste of lemonade and drink it more often than you should.

Often think about what you would look like with a shaved head.

More of an extrovert but def have occasional introvert tendencies where you wanna be left tf alone.

Never allowed to pick up anything in stores bc the last time you did you sniffed a scented candle and it shattered to the floor.

Constantly have spontaneous ideas of what to change about your appearance.

You use a lot of hand gestures like thumbs up and peace signs.

‘Dude’ and ‘lmao’ is 90% of your vernacular.

Your nails are a disaster, some are down to the nub while others are pretty grown out bc you only bite a select few please sort it out.

Look really good in red.

Your laptop has way too many tabs open from random google searches of words you didn’t know the meaning to.

You read a lot of books but for like 10 minutes at a time bc you have the attention span of a walnut.

You are the type of person to nuke your AO3 tags with things that aren’t even relevant purely bc you found them funny.

Your Tumblr drafts are a nightmare, you have like 100+ in the works yet keep starting new projects why do you do this.

Happy sunshine but you have a LOT of mood swings like that shit comes out of nowhere.

Cry pretty often but no one ever sees and it’s usually because of said mood swings.

You always smile and pick yourself up again though which I commend you for.

TYPES IN CAPITALS IN SITUATIONS THAT DO NOT REQUIRE SAID PUNCTUATION SO YOU SEEM LIKE YOU’RE YELLING ALL THE TIME.

[raveismysublime]

I am attempting to right a fic

So I am re-reading ACOWAR and am at the part where Nesta and Elaine go visit Graysen to try and get him to help the humans or something like that and Nesta is beating up Graysen for hurting Elaine. 

So my mind wanders and goes... what if Cassian was there to see this? and then.... what if Cassian saw this from his POINT OF VIEW!!!!!!! So I’m like let me write this, 

I have never wrote fan fiction besides some Lunar chronicles shit on Wattpad and Lesbian smut (don’t ask, it helped with my sexuality tho) SO please don’t come at me if you hate this 

I just really wanted this from Cassian's perspective, like watching Nesta be a bad bitch instead of a rude bitch ya kno? Idk but here yall go 

I apologize in advance if this is shitty ( it probably will be, please don’t hate I love u guys) and will probably never right a fic again but ok enough talking here ya go

Im gonna be taking parts of ACOWAR and typing them in so it looks believable 

**we’re gonna imagine that Cassian went with them for this to work okay**

-------------------

“So only the rich and chosen will walk through the gates?” Rhys asked, arching a brow. “I can’t imagine the aristocracy being content to work your land and fish in your lake or butcher your meat.”

This meeting was going nowhere, thought Cassian as Rhysand argued with the close-minded human boy. The fact this pitiful man thinks his mere father and some iron were going to protect him and the human lands from Hybern’s wrath was stupid, laughable even.

How he was able to land a Archeron’s sister was beyond what Cassian could think of. For once, he would agree with Nesta on the idea of this marriage. 

“We have plenty of workers here to do that.”  so the little boy speaks. Cassian wanted to retort, he wanted to desperately put this pathetic weasle of a man in his place but bit his tongue. This was not his fight, this was Elaine’s and at the moment Rhysands. He would not intervene. 

Because if he did intervene this whole place would come crumbling down and weasel boy and his father would be crying in their underwear. 

But Jurian said to the lords, “I fought beside your ancestor. And he would be ashamed if you locked out those who needed it. You would spit on his grave to do so. I hold a position of trust with Hybern. One word from me, and I will make sure his legion takes a visit here. To you.” 

“You’ll threaten to bring the very enemy you seek to protect us from?” Weasle boy said. 

 Jurian shrugged. “I can also convince Hybern to steer clear. He trusts me that much. You let in those people … I will do my best to keep his armies far away.” 

He gave Rhys a look, daring him to doubt it.

 We were still too stunned to even try to look neutral.

Cassian wondered if the elder lord might be the one who could actually be reasoned with. Especially as Graysen said to Elain, “Take that ring off.”

 Elain’s fingers curved into a fist. “No.” Ugly. This was about to get ugly in the worst way— 

“Take. It. Off.”

How humiliating, Cassian thought, to Elaine for everyone to witness this absurd man. If only he could reach around, grab weasel man by the neck, pin him against the wall and shove two of his knives into each of his balls-

That’s enough,” Rhys said, his voice lethally calm. “The lady keeps the ring, if she wants it. Though none of us will be particularly sad to see it go. Females tend to prefer gold or silver to iron.”

Graysen leveled a seething look at Rhysand. “Is this the start of it? You Fae males will come to take our women? Are your own not fuckable enough?” 

That was the last of it that Cassian was willing to endure. Was this man stupid? He should not be alive at this very second. He should be drowned in crimson and tears. 

“Watch your tongue, boy,” his father said. At Least he had some sense to shut his son up. Elain turned white at the coarse language.

Graysen only said to her, “I am not marrying you. Our engagement is over. I will take whatever people occupy your lands. But not you. Never you.”

Fucking bastard. To even speak to a women like this, to even dare 

He was going to rip out his throat 

Tears began sliding down Elain’s face, their scent filling the room with salt.

 Nesta stepped forward. Then another step. And another. 

Cassian watched her every move, every breath and the anger etched across her brow. He could do nothing but stare at her movements 

He could do nothing but stare at Nesta

Until she was in front of Graysen, faster than anyone could see. 

He watched her dress swish against her curves, he watched her fingers 

Until Nesta smacked him hard enough that his head snapped to the side.

He made a sharp intake of his breath. He had only ever seen her mad, furious, bitching to him or any other male. Never, never had he seen her so calm and burning towards someone else.

To him, she was snarky and he snarked back

To this man, she was calm and collected as her eyes burned into his face. Cassian would have never wanted to be on the receiving end of that look. 

She was devastating. 

 “You never deserved her,” Nesta snarled into the stunned silence as Graysen cupped his face and swore, bending over. Nesta only looked back at me. Rage, unfiltered and burning, roiled in her eyes. But her voice was stone-cold as she said to me, “I assume we’re done here.”

The power uttered in those words. The power in her

All Cassian could do was watch her. Watch her defend her sister to no end, watch as the poor boy looked into her eyes with fear. 

 Feyre gave her a wordless nod. And proud as any queen, Nesta took Elain’s arm and led her from the guardhouse. Mor trailed behind, guarding their backs as they entered the veritable field of weapons and snarling hounds waiting outside 

He enjoyed watching someone else take in the brunt of Nesta’s words and actions. It was entertaining to him to watch another male be weakened by her. He could get used to seeing that quite often. 

Nesta, Nesta, Nesta 

He couldn’t help laughing to himself.

She looked so beautiful when she was angry, he admitted to a small part of himself.

Gods, this women. 

-----

OKAY i know that was probably so bad but I tried? idk tell me what ya’ll thinkkkk i just really wanted this written somewere but admittidly it sounded better in my head haha 

I am just craving so much Nessian stuff at this moment like I am going to BURST where is this book. 

[its-lizkathleen]

PSA

So I did a spell to try and get this guy to open up more for me (I got it from a witch who is more of a leech than anything, now that I’ve realized it) and he told me the next day that he doesn’t have time for a relationship so moral of the story is don’t trust random spells that someone gives you over a discord server. 

Also, the server was the Army of Wax server which is just a mess and teaches baby witches shitty things, In my opinion. Probably gonna get a lot of hate for that, but there’s a lot of stuff that goes on in that server that is honestly bullshit. (I’m sorry, but having a modern lore channel that reads like a shitty fan-fiction off of wattpad about two Gods? Don’t try and tell us that that’s what Hephaestus told you. Have a little respect for him.)

[faccal]

How about 11 and 18 for the meta asks?

(had to write these down for reference)

@simonxriley

11. What do you envy in other writers?(I'm going to do this for Fanfictions and then original work.)

Well, often times I envy how well people are able to keep characters that aren't theirs in character. I struggle quite a lot, especially when it comes to Keegan, or characters who are vague in general. I will actually reference certain fics, to help me keep what I'm writing in character.

For original work, I envy Jenna Moreci's ability to world build, and Rick Riordan's ability to get you to care for his characters. I feel like I don't do enough for these categories, and it makes me feel as if my work is inadequate.

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

I've always wanted someone to ask me this, and now that you have, I can't think of any. Oh boy. I'm going to start with my fics on AO3, and then move to my original work if I can think of any.

The Tame and The Flame started with a basic and shitty plotline where Rorke kidnaps Logan and tries to hurt him to get at Elias. It was poorly written, and not fully thought out. I scrapped it, instead coming up with the idea of Keegan wanting Merrick dead, and asking for help from David and Logan, who weren't signed in to the new treaty, meaning they weren't bound by the rules that the three different packs could not attack each other. Rorke is hunting Logan still, as a way to exact revenge and to cause Elias to feel pain on a serious level.

I remember someone wanted me to turn Thorns and Roses into a werewolf AU as well as a Prince AU. It seemed interesting to me, but I mainly wanted to focus on the Prince AU part. I didn't entirely get rid of this suggestion though, as I kind of liked the sound of it, and thought it would be a fun challenge.

And Then He Cried, is actually based on an original work of the same title. The MC(Logan in this case) travels to Maine to get away from a traumatic event and meets his love interest. Together they work through their own traumas while helping the other, and form a bond through their experiences. I had a few different ways I wanted to write Keegan in this, as well as Logan, but from what I knew of Keegan the ideas I had simply wouldn't work. Keegan doesn't scream overly outgoing and kind, I feel it would take a bit for him to warm up to someone (I'm not a fan of slow burns and I struggle with this.) I knew it would be unrealistic for Keegan to be open and nice immediately, therefore I had to find a way around it.

For original works, And Then He Cried (available on wattpad. On hiatus), Elliot was originally supposed to have an abusive father, but I felt that would be too much, as he already had depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. I decided instead that his father simply wouldn't accept his homosexuality, and got a divorce as his wife supported Elliot while he didn't. For Jasper, he was originally going to be straight and slowly fall in love with Elliot, but when I looked back on the story, it seemed very "straight to gay." And I didn't like that. Instead, I decided Jasper would be a closeted bisexual, unaware of the other part of himself until he meets Elliot.

I have another story, Red Rose, not available to the public, however, Thorns and Roses on AO3 is based off of it. Red Rose initially wasn't going to involve a MxM romance, it simply was going to involve Prince Arden meeting Akira, helping defeat the antagonist and wrong king. After a traumatic event happened to Arden, he and Akira would joke about matching scars and readers could infer that they might have a relationship. I didn't like this, as I felt I couldn't pull it off correctly, and I liked the idea of a science fiction/fantasy story involving an LGBT character and romance. Everything else would remain the same, except now the two characters would have more to motivate them. Each other.

Sorry for the long answer. I know there was more I wanted to add, I can't think of it at the moment, and I have already written so much. Here is what I have though, hopefully this answers the questions properly!

[hurlingturtles]

Boku No Hero Acadmia Omegaverse Fan Fiction!

I’ve been reading a lot of this particular fan fiction lately and the system on AO3 is just.... lacking. Wattpad is a little better but the fan fiction there is super amateurish sometimes (no offense Watts pad writers, I just can’t stand too much bad grammar). It makes me love the system on mangago even more, tbh! ❤️

So, hopefully this will help me remember what I’ve read, a hopefully brief synapsis, bits to trigger my memory, and notes about how well I liked it. So I’m going to be (hopefully) editing this post a lot.

I’m lazy and don’t want to explain omegaverse so just look it up if you don’t know. There’s also a lot of variations within the sub genre, not all authors follow every “rule”. For this list as long as there are alphas/betas/omegas and M/M then that’s good enough! I don’t care which ship it is as long as it’s super gay 😜

Primary ships:

Bakudeku: Bakugo x Midoriya

Tododeku: Todoroki x Midoriya

Kiribaku: Kirishima x Bakugo

EraserMic: Eraserhead x Present Mic

EraserMight: Eraserhead x All Might

(I’ll explain any other ships)

❤️First off, I’ve been writing a bit myself so I’ll shamelessly plug my own omegaverse: Omega Reborn by hurlingturtles on AO3 (Kiribaku, omega Bakugo)❤️

OKAY, enough explanation. Let’s go!

Bakudeku

Kintsugi by kacchansass - Kinda historical vibe, taking place in a time of tribes. Omega Midoriya’s Tribe is being taken over by alpha Bakugo’s tribe. 👍 Long incomplete 😭

Luck by 2degreesabovefreezing - Alpha Bakugo runs across an omega Midoriya with amnesia. Good 👍 Incomplete but feels close to the end 🤔

Fate Be Damned! by K1NGKYO- Omega Midoriya is forced out of his tribe and runs into alpha Bakugo on a dragon (Not Kirishima, which is kinda weird tbh). Good 👍 Long incomplete 😭

Games, Changes, Fears by Daiako - I remember liking this but it’s been a while since I read it. Bakugo and Midoriya get assigned by the government to be mates

Mina Approves of this Ship by SUSURRXUS - Long-running fic about omega Midoriya going into heat in the dorm and hooking up with Bakugo. I remember really liking this and it gets updated! 👍👍

The Hunt by greatcloudninja - omega Midoriya signs up for an annual hunt, where alphas “hunt” for omega mates in this forest. Bakugo is forced to enter into the hunt, not knowing Midoriya is there until he smells him. Side ship of Inatodo (Inasa x Todoroki) Completed and great! 👍👍

Off Limits by Mildlyashamed -Bakugo turns to Midoriya when he can’t take his ruts any longer . Incomplete.

Forced Attraction by jaegerackereri - Omega Midoriya and alpha Bakugo are bought at an illegal trafficking place and are treated horribly by their “owners”. They are forced to become mates but grow to care about each other. Dark but I liked this a lot 👍 Incomplete.

Reparations by Merrywetherweather - Tribes and stuff. Ummmm... I don’t remember too much, I should re-read.

what are the chances by yuutakun - Alpha Bakugo saves a suicidal omega who turns out to be the long-disappeared Midoriya in disguise who was kidnapped and raped by villains for years. VERY dark and angsty. Complete. 👍

Claim Me by ScientificallySinful - Omega Midoriya asks Bakugo to claim him so he can be a better hero. They discover they can’t just forget their new bond. Incomplete but recent updates 👍

Quiet Rapture by lalazee -Alpha Bakugo falls for omega bookstore owner Midoriya at first scent, but to his shock Midoriya can’t smell anything from a old nose injury and Bakugo struggles to woo him. I LOVED this! ❤️👍❤️

How to Train Your Shitty Omega by deanvspanties - Midoriya suddenly goes into heat when he’s though he was a beta for years. He goes after Bakugo, begging to be mates. Bakugo tries to resist but can’t. Eventually Midoriya gets knocked up. Long fic, complete 👍👍

I Run From You by Morpheel - Midoriya is an omega bunny-human hybrid and Bakugo is an alpha wolf-human hybrid who instead of eating Midoriya mates him and knocks him up. Lots of interesting animal behaviors, some of which made this less than romantic but still good. Short and complete 👍👍

Lost Omega by GreyDayMoon - Midoriya is a struggling omega in an ancient AU with tribes and prides who gets separated from his mom and when he’s lost Bakugo finds him and instantly decides to make him his mate, but not without some difficulty. Completed, loved it ❤️👍❤️

He’s Mine by Dracien - Alpha Bakugo has felt possessive of slightly older omega Midoriya his whole life, following him around and guarding him from other alphas. This story is pretty good, but I skimmed significant chunks of this because I didn’t have the patience to read through stuff that was a manga/anime re-telling. Complete 👍

Izuku’s Home for Wayward Pets - *not REALLY omegaverse but Bakugo is technically an “alpha” so I’ll let it slide* Midoriya helps rescue and rehabilitate abused Companions (human/animal hybrids, kinda). Bakugo was rescued from a illegal fighting ring and Midoriya becomes his foster “parent”

Take My Heart by Colourcubify- Omega Bakugo is fucking alpha Midoriya during his heats but not in a relationship with him, but he starts to wonder if he doesn’t deserve Midoriya’s devotion. Ongoing.

Tododeku

Lose Control by Mekabella21 - Omega Midoriya usually has Mirio help him through his heats but circumstances force him to mate with Todoroki and they find themselves unable to forget each other or ignore their new desires. Steamy. ❤️ Incomplete with recent updates 👍

Break Me Slowly by CorpsCommand2020 - Omega Midoriya is keeping his omega status a secret from everyone, including alpha Todoroki, who is drawn to him anyway. When Midoriya’s suppressants finally start hurting him they become mates. I skimmed a lot of this because it’s a re-telling of the anime, which bores me. This is complete but ends on a unpleasant cliffanger of sorts.

Kiribaku

Mating Season by Ailovlovyuu - Primarily Kiribaku but with a sprinkling of other ships. Bakugo is having a rough time dealing with being an omega. Incomplete, no update in many months 😭 Pretty good though! 👍

This Changes Nothing by vulcanhighblood - Bakugo’s first heat as an omega is triggered from a prank and he has a VERY rough time with his heats from then on but is determined to overcome is own body 👍 Complete!

Take a Chance On Me by Fanficismything - LOVE this one! Bakugo can’t become a hero because he’s an omega so he becomes a vigilante and gets flirty with Kirishima 👍❤️👍 Incomplete but recent updates.

Don’t Tell Me (What To Do), I’m Not Listening Anyway by vulcanhighblood - sequel to This Changes Nothing. Incomplete.

I Don’t Want an Alpha, But If It’s You It’s Okay by vulcanhighblood - Bakugo is an omega but everyone assumes he’s an alpha and he doesn’t disillusion them. Because Bakugo has been mateless for too long the government forces him to go to a “heat house” and he gets Kirishima to come rescue him from a horrible alpha. I LOVE this one ❤️ Incomplete but recent updates.

Communicate With Your Body by xX_KUUHAKU_Xx - Not sure if this *really* counts as omegaverse but it has alphas and omegas so I’m letting it slide. Bakugo, a normal human with no powers, finds and rescues a hurt merman, Kirishima. Complete ❤️👍

Don’t tell me what I need by TuesdayTerrible - Bakugo goes into heat, and struggles to accept that he’s an omega. He finds himself drawn to alpha Kirishima, who hates being an alpha because he has two knots 😮 Complete and sexy! ❤️👍❤️

Not a Mistake by MartyMcFly- Alpha Kirishima accidentally knocks up his boyfriend, omega Bakugo. They end up giving him up for adoption because they’re both teens and want to be heroes. I was disappointed with how easily they gave the baby up and how indifferent they seem when they meet him again when he’s a teen. Ongoing.

Studded by KTG- Bakugo is about to present as an omega and isn’t happy about it by if he “studs” an omega he will turn into an alpha so he’s a man on a mission. Kirishima offers to help, and Bakugo is surprised to learn he’s an omega. Completed one shot. Very nice! 👍❤️👍

EraserMight

A Foolish Flirtation with A Gentleman Alpha by eeearnest - I love this one a lot! Eraser and All Might start dating in secret but with the help from well-meaning friends. I love all the pairings in this! 👍👍 Incomplete but recently updated

Other

Vulnerable by Eccentric State - This is a tododekubaku fic. Alphas Todoroki and Bakugo discover that they are BOTH True Mates with Midoriya. They’re cute together, lots of steamy threeway sex. Complete ❤️👍

1+1 by Peasantries - Alpha Kirishima is shocked when he finds out that Bakugo is an omega when he goes into heat. Bakugo tried out a heat assistance service where alphasTodoroki and Midoriya work. The three alphas all end up his mate. Complete 👍👍

Cotton Candy by MomaRoxy - Denki presents as an omega and Sero tells him that he’ll be his heat partner. Denki finds out he has a rare illness that could kill him unless his unrequited love is returned. Incomplete.

[morethanithoughtofficialblog]

Chapter 11: And I had an anxiety attack... again.

In which the title describes the whole chapter

*Your POV*

I slammed the door behind me, fell to my knees, and closed my eyes. Today was such a shitty day I actually don't want to go back. But I have to. Unless I want to get fired, which actually doesn't sound THAT bad.

Wait... yeah, that sounds reasonable.

My apartment was just like my mind: a complete fucking mess that made no sense and looked like Narnia. But despite that, my personal laptop was hanging out on the small table I have in front of the TV. I sighed and went to the kitchen, trying not to worry.

It's been a while ever since I met the group of monsters and, honestly, I'm loving it! They are super nice and a part of me has changed a bit... so I'm becoming more dedicated to making them as happy as I can.

And that also refers to some of their complaints, like "you should seek a better job" or "this is dangerous for you, you should have something that makes you happy". And that's what I was about to do.

After taking my cup of coffee and I sat on the couch, I opened my laptop and started to search for different jobs and opportunities. I'm a scientist and a... politician? We could say that. I'm experienced in both terms and I'm really trying to look for a scientist post today. I want to do what I love and, well, I'm a science nerd. Fite me.

I just don't want to work in the Congress anymore. It's boring, it's lame, and I'm not going to stay in an office for the rest of my days- not when I'm starting to care about things. Alphys and Sans have said that they want to become part of the science world, but they have to study hard to get it. While I'm waiting for them, though, I'll make them proud and work in science!

While browsing around, I ended up on a Facebook page and noticed I had a shitton of notifications. Interested, I checked the groups and started to read the messages... bad idea...

Paula: Hey, monster lover! You should just go with them to the Underground, hah!

Anna: Jesus, when did we let this happen?

Anna: I thought you were smarter than this!

John: You are gonna put us in trouble

John: And it'll be all YOUR FAULT!

And so it went. I frowned slightly and decided to check Discord, trying to get distracted for a bit. My mind was starting to make bad moves, and I just couldn't make them real. What if it was better to leave the topic? Did I make a mistake? Should I start protesting AGAINST them?! Are they a threat to humans? Oh my God, what have I done? Should I-

Do you wanna get... Frisky?: Hey (Y/N)!

Do you wanna get... Frisky?: you wanna play UNO?

CoolSkeleton95: YES, HUMAN!

CoolSkeleton95: YOU SHOULD JOIN THE FUN!

I shook my head with a smile, knowing I could never do that to them. Not after the little and funny history we have together, and how much comprehensible they looked with my problems socializing. They've made laugh like there is no tomorrow and to learn a lot of things. I just can't wipe them away from their dreams. I just can't wipe them away from my life.

Smartass: Sure, right now?

puns are love, puns are life: we're startin' right now, kiddo.

puns are love, puns are life: join this round before undyne comes with her shitty strategies again

I giggled softly, remembering the stupid nicknames we all had in that Discord group. I immediately went for my headphones, then joined the chat.

"Hi!" I exclaimed, praying that everyone could hear me. Fortunately, they could.

"hello kid, ready to lose?" A deep voice said, which I immediately recognized it was Sans. Everyone seems to have a high-pitched voice comparing them with him. Heck, even my father would sound like a three-year-old girl if we compare their voices!

After a bit of playing stupid rounds of UNO and hearing Sans's awful puns, I lost track of time. Eventually, Sans and I ended up playing Dead by Daylight together, the skeleton by some coincidence having the game installed. And so talked privately from then, and... got used to the game, I suppose.

"DUDE WHAT THE-" I stopped myself before I could use a bad word, not knowing how he would react. I still don't feel comfortable enough to be my usual, swearing, and boring self around them. I'm trying to be as less boring as possible... but I know that I'm still boring, even if I, indeed, try hard.

"i hate this game soooooooo much... what if we play somethin' else?" he asked, making me sigh in relief. This game's no good for someone with anxiety, keep that in mind. Bad thing I'm kind of a masochist in that aspect.

"You hate a lot of games, don't you? And sure, any suggestions?"

"do you have... mortal kombat?"

Oooh

This is going to be interesting!

"Which one?"

"x, i'm too poor to buy the new one"

"Sure, I have it! I'll love to play it, it's been a while"

"cool cool, i'll invite you then"

And we played like for, what, hours? Mortal Kombat is sincerely one of my favorite sagas of videogames since I was a little child. Dolls? Nah, videogames were my thing since the beginning of times.

I forgot my problems, I forgot everything. It was just me, my character, and an angry Sans rattling his bones all over the mic. I was enjoying it, even if he tried to deconcentrate me with his jokes, that at the end were all just corny comments trying to make me flush but made me laugh instead.

I joked now and then as well, and hearing his laugh was such a gratifying feeling I couldn't do anything but to laugh with him. Besides, his laugh is quite contagious, and I'm easily influenced when other people laugh, so this got the best of me.

When I looked at the clock though, fear ran all over my body, and I stood quiet for some good minutes. I tried to contain my anxiety, to calm down. I took deep breaths and closed my eyes, telling myself I'll be just fine.

"(y/n), are you-"

"HOLY SHIT IT'S 1 AM WHAT THE FUCK- AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

...

Nice job, sweetie.

My mind was being a huge and stupid mess whenever those awful screams were out of my mouth. Sans wasn't answering, so I felt worse. I started panicking and creating ways to make him hate me less, and before I could say anything, I heard laughter.

His laughter.

"oh my god (y/n) you panic a lot" he said between breaths, while I just remained silent. What the- "i'm sorry, it's just... you should not worry about anything, k? remember you said tomorrow you don't have to work, k? just relax. nothing's wrong with staying late once in a while, right?"

"Wait, so you don't think I'm pathetic or anything like that?!"

"wha- of course not! everyone has their moments (y/n), and you have anxiety, for god's sake! it's totally normal for someone to freak out now and then. you shouldn't feel guilty of that"

How...

I felt tears trying to escape from my eyes and I hold them back, keeping my cool... temporarily. I draw a weak smile in my face, even if Sans couldn't see it.

"Thank you. I needed that" Aaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnd my voice broke down in the process. Shit.

"don't worry (y/n)" he said kindly, and I bet he was still wearing that permanent shit-eating grin. I chuckled to myself, slowly making tears disappear "hey, do you wanna meet up tomorrow? maybe you want some time to yourself, i know, but maybe you should try to interact more with people... since i'm assuming you don't"

I never thought I would get lectured by a skeleton. Guess life is unexpected, huh?

But I realized he was right. My social anxiety can only be solved by interacting with others. There is no escape, and I'm conscious of that. Besides, what can go wrong? Sans has been nothing but a nice guy, and I'm starting to enjoy his company a lot. Maybe I'll be able to consider him as a friend?

"I'd love that, thank you so much. I don't get to hang out often, so that means a lot"

"don't sweat it. everyone deserves a chance to express themselves"

We hung up the call with a quick "see you tomorrow" and I went straight to bed, never erasing that last sentence he said from my mind.

"Everyone deserves a chance to express themselves", huh? Maybe...

Maybe this is my chance

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Sans's POV*

We hung up the call and I let out a sigh. I never realized I was playing until late, mostly because Papyrus didn't come for his bedtime story, and so I lose track of time. I was having a good time though, but I can't be stubborn and keep her up any longer. Not after she almost had a heart attack.

She's nice, and she seems pretty genuine. Doesn't look like the type of girl that should hide anything, not with that anxiety of hers. She's a goddess in Mortal Kombat, though. She knew how to use almost every fighter perfectly, and I felt like a punching bag with jokes in its interior. The more she won, the more I joked. At least she laughed... a lot, actually. She's a good audience, just like Tori.

Then I remembered she cursed when she was starting to freak out, and I started to wonder if she uses "strong" language daily. Or well, at least in her head.

I looked over that beautiful website called Youtube and watched some memes, that are truly gold if you ask me. A sick and dark sense of humor combined with random things and retards living their lives- in one word, perfection. I would also watch Tumblr, but that site gave me a good uncomfortable feeling that I don't want to relive any sooner. I also wanted to check Wattpad, but ever since I knew that it was mostly FanFiction, I thought more about it. Then I remember that Alphys told me she had an account and I immediately never went to that place...

Alphys is scary sometimes, no one can judge me. Her weird FanFictions are pretty much apart from anything I like to read or write...

And yes, I'm a writer.

That's why I thought Wattpad would be a good idea...

Thank God I changed my mind.

I'm mostly a science fiction lover, but drama and suspense are not that bad. I also like a lot of horror novels, but I'm no good at writing one my self. Believe me, I tried. It's hard to make it as noncliché as possible, considering that paranormalities are a huge cliché themselves.

I always include romance in my stories though. I realized it's quite essential in defining people's personalities and actions. Besides, romantic scenes leave a nice drama feeling when they are not exaggerated, so I try to put them once in a while.

I'm currently writing a novel instead of a short story, but it's hella difficult if you are bone dry of ideas. It takes a skele-ton of effort to come up with something good, and it's harder to put it in words. I also need to do some more research, since it includes scientific things...

Ah, sci-fi. What would I do without it?

I'm also a classic novel lover. Macbeth it's just wonderful and Journey to the Center of the Earth are old masterpieces that have a special place in my soul. I read them when I was a kid, and I would do it over and over. But I also want to see what new books the surface has to offer- one of my wildest dreams is to visit the biggest libraries around the world, like the ones in Paris or in Tokyo. But that has to wait.

I'm tired, but I never get myself to sleep. I suffer insomnia since... quite a few time, actually. It all started with the first reset of that goddamn flower; it started whenever I realized that the timeline theory was real and that, whoever got the power- the DETERMINATION- had the entire world at their hands.

Flowey was first, then Frisk came and had the power. Now I don't know if she has it anymore, considering we are at the surface and anyone could be more determined than her. But there's still a chance she has time and space at the tip of her fingers, and with a snap, she can make everything and everyone I love disappear.

That kid... she probably wants to see me suffer. After everything I've done to stop her, she hates me even more. She's selfish. She's a prick. And I'll never forgive her.

She knew I would remember when she did that. She killed everyone I loved, she destroyed the little hope I had on my home... and laughed at my face about it. That fight, that crazy look in her eyes... I have nightmares about it. Whenever I see the kid, a part of me replaces it with the painful memories of past timelines.

And I can't make them stop. I can't erase that devilish and empty smile Frisk had. I can't erase the vision of that flower becoming a God before my eyes.

I can't erase Papyrus's smile still with hope before turning to dust.

I shook my head and sighed. Out of all the times, I can't bring myself now into thinking like that... not anymore. We're on the Surface now, for God's sake! I should be happy because now I can fulfill my happiest dreams!

...

I lack the motivation, though.

There's no hope for me, or that's what I think.

I want the best for everyone (except Frisk and Flowey; screw them), but me? Heh, this old sack of bones won't be his usual self any sooner. It's just... it's just stupid to think I'll ever be the casual and relaxed skeleton ever again. I'm paranoid. I'm scared. I'm a fucking coward trying to protect his brother, but being too useless to do anything about it.

I can't go back to Snowdin. I can't go back to that goddamn house. I can't.

I glanced over my desk and noticed the folder with the things for my education. I let a sigh, knowing that I would never be able to keep up with that kind of stress. Not if my mind it's worried about something else.

I turned off the lights and went to my bed, trying to clear my mind. I let a new human enter my life, one older than Frisk...

That doesn't mean it's less dangerous.

That doesn't mean she's not a murderer...

[rat-apologist]

A Semi-In depth Review of Anna Todd’s After

So I’ve been seeing the trailer for the movie adaptation of this book every five seconds on my Instagram feed, and as a proud dyslexic unwilling to sit down and read it, I listened to the audiobook.

Again, these are all my opinions, if you don’t agree that’s okay.

Here is a quick, spoiler free plot synopsis for those who want/need it: Being moved from Wattpad into the real world of publishing, After follows a girl named Tessa, who simultaneously has the mentality of a five year old and an old man from the 1800’s. She is eighteen years old and is going to college to be an English major. Tessa loves control, planning, and books. She's an introvert at heart, and “not like other girls” (i.e. dresses conservatively, is a virgin (the books words, not mine)). She has a shitty mom and a nice, preppy, boyfriend who is still in high school, and her life is completely planned out. That’s all turned upside down when the poster child for emotional abuse named Harden (harry styles) waltzes into her life during a frat party her first week of college. Your typical Wattpad/teen movie drama ensues.

(the actual review under the cut)

This review is chock full of spoilers for Anna Todd’s book After. If you want a good idea of what I thought about this book without any spoilers I’ll just say this: I can really honestly say I was never bored while listening to this book. However, that is not necessarily a good thing. Often times I was just too much in awe of the clunky writing and truly evil supposedly “redeemable” characters to be bored. On a one to five star scale, I’d probably give it a two. More on that later.

Here are the things I liked:

(this one is only applicable to the audiobook) the narrator was amazing, her voice acting was very appropriate (though she did tend to drop accents sometimes- but that is forgiven because of how otherwise amazing her line delivery was- especially considering the quality of the dialogue).

Landon and Dakota were my favorite characters, and even though they had no personalities beyond what they meant to Tess and how they interacted with Harden (Hardin? Again, I listened to the audiobook I’ve got no idea how to spell that lmao) they still made the book better to listen to.

Despite the repetition of plot/narrative structures I can happily say again that I was never really bored.

Okay moving on to more mixed-bag feelings:

So the last chapter was from Harden’s perspective, and I thought that was an interesting idea. Learning what one character thinks, especially since our protagonist is, how you say, a little bad at reading/interacting with other human people. However the execution left something to be desired for me. It quite literally was just the exact same scene we just saw from the previous chapter, but from Hardens perspective instead of Tess’s. Which was just ended up being unnecessarily repetitive at times.

I liked how Tessa tried to be less judgmental throughout the book, however her growth is very, very limited.

I liked the fact that they mentioned they used condoms in pretty much every sex scene, and that most of the time clear verbal consent/clear nonverbal consent was given for the sexual stuff. That does not happen often in books, especially in fan fiction from what I understand.

I like that Tess does stand up for herself, while I could sometimes see myself comparing her to Bella Swan considering how much of her personality does kind of revolve around her relationship with Harden, she certainly was more vocal about her feelings. And boy, did she have a lot of feelings.

Moving on to the things I didn’t like, this is probably going to be a mix on writing, characters, and plot points so bear with me. (I’m saving my many thoughts on the twist for last)

Okay so a big number one is the biggest plot driver, the love story. So, I feel like it goes without saying, but the main relationship is SUPER unhealthy. Harden constantly stalks, manipulates, and bullies Tess throughout the whole book. He is pretty much abusive, using her caring for him to his own advantage and then dropping her when it suits him. Plus his hyper-sexualization of her “virtue” is really really nasty. Tess pretty much cries in every interaction they have together, and even acknowledges how toxic their relationship is, and yet I’m supposed to root for them? Hmm… I don’t think so

The near constant slut shaming and girl hate in this book bothers me, especially when it’s mixed with the hints of “I’m not like other girls” from Tess

The character descriptions kinda weird me out considering how much Harden is described like Harry Styles, like literally a tumblr punk edit of Harry Styles

The dialogue is… bad. To all the writers out there (myself included) make sure you read your dialogue out loud to see if it sounds natural, that way if your Wattpad fanfiction ever does get published, and your book is adapted into audiobook, you’ll avoid a situation like this one. Because, especially listening to it, the dialogue in this book is really really bad. Honest to god it sounds like robots imitating humans are talking to each other, only they’re trying to convince the other robots that they are humans. For some reason Anna Todd avoided using contractions for most of the book, making the characters sound unnatural and completely out of their predefined characters. Why would these college students not use words like “it’s” “we’ll” and “we’re”? It is truly astonishing, and it makes the few uses of contractions really distracting. Normally I don’t give a shit about grammar since I don’t really understand grammar, and normally grammatical errors aren’t that obvious when listening on audio, but the dialogue was seriously that bad.

The pacing was bad, that’s kinda all I have to say. It was generally too quick during plot development but then took a screeching halt for each fight/sex scene (of which there are many)

The repetition of certain words/phrases really got annoying. Everyone's always screaming, biting on their lip, or smirking. Harden is rude, as Tessa mentioned about eight million times, and Tessa finds his dirty talk arousing. We know this, because Todd uses those phrases about a billion times a chapter.

The sex scenes kind of grossed me out. I’m (in general) fine with sex, but the way the sex scenes were written seriously ucked me out. These college kids avoid using words like “penis” “dick” “pussy” etc. and use really really juvenile words like “down there” and “length”. Maybe this is a fanfiction thing, and I’ll admit that I have not read essentially any fanfiction, but it is truly a disturbing way to write sex. Especially since Tessa is written to have the experience and understanding of sex as like a child, not even understand what an orgasm is and unwilling to say words like penis or vagina, something our loverboy Harden is super attracted to, by the by.

I hate that this book uses “girl almost gets assaulted so man can come in and valiantly protect her” trope. It is super gross and I hate it. That’s kind of all I can say, the use of women's pain so that men can get some amount of redemption is awful.

More on Harden: I am sick of the “violent, broken man that I promise I can fix!” trope. It is used to justify and excuse abuse and I hate it. Tess is honestly scared of him several times in the book and it’s played as a personality quirk of his? Like everyone just accepts that’s how he is? I know for the most part we aren’t supposed to “like” him for the first part of the book, but it’s obvious that the author wants us to root for him and Tessa in some capacity. Especially with the inclusion of his perspective at the end, which in a way is exactly the kind of manipulation that he is into so idk. Also he is possessive despite the fact that they weren’t dating, and he is very clear he does not date. That’s already abuse, but of course there is more. On top of that he is cruel, and pretty stuck-up throughout the book- making him pretty much insufferable to me. And all of this shit just gets worse once the twist is introduced, and no amount of his whining from his chapter could at all change that.

The rest of the characters are all either boring, or the worst people you could ever meet. Tess’s mom, Molly, Jace, all really terrible to offset the horror of Harden. To almost justify what he does- because comparatively he doesn’t seem as bad (up until the twist).

The twist. Dear god the twist. So, as it goes it isn’t an extremely inspired twist. I’ve seen it done before in a similar way (I’m looking at you, Ten Things I Hate About You). For those who are wondering: the big twist is that Harden only really pursued Tess in the beginning because after she revealed she is a virgin at a party early on in the book he makes a pricey bet with Zed (another side character only used to add ~drama~ to Tessa and Harden’s relationship) to see who can take her virginity. All of the subsequent bullying, possessiveness, manipulation, etc. were all a ploy to have sex with her before Zed could. I feel like it goes without saying that that’s disgusting, but let me tell you exactly why: at least if he was actually interested in her at first his weird behavior could possibly be passed off as hormones (I wouldn’t like it, but I’d understand it  more if you’d try to make that argument), but the fact that it was all for a bet not only makes his disgusting actions worse, but makes the fact that he supposedly falls in love with her so much more annoying. Plus, the fact that he literally tries to trap Tessa in a lease so she can’t leave him, and tries to bribe his friends into silence really shows how little he actually cares about Tessa and her thoughts and feelings.  

So, why two stars? Honestly, because I was entertained (for lack of a better word) by this book. Maybe if I actually read it and not just listened to the audiobook it my rating would be lower, maybe if there was just one more sex scene to slow down the pace I would have been more bored. Who knows, but I was entertained. Sometimes by how terrible the dialogue is, by how astonishing the characters decisions were, sometimes by the actual plot. It’s like watching a shitty soap opera, it’s not good by any means, but it certainly keeps your attention.