#it's at least on equal terms when it comes to quality of life

[keyboard-cowgirl]

so I recently finished a year’s worth of therapy. In an effort to continue the destigmatization that’s been happening for the last decade+ and encourage others to improve their own health, here’s some stuff I’d like to share.

Yes, it is prohibitively expensive. My therapist, who specialized in the kind of issues I have, wasn’t covered by my insurance (most therapists in America aren’t covered by major insurers). I would not have been able to afford a full year without financial support. And that sucks, but if you can swing it, it can do a lot of good. (26 sessions x 135 per = $3,510 usd, over half of which I paid myself.)

I never tried in therapy before. I’ve had therapy. But I didn’t try. At the time, I did it because I had to--my family thought it would help and I was too young to be able to decline--but I didn’t care, so I didn’t make progress. It wasn’t the right time. I didn’t believe it would help. This time, I sought it out on my own. I did the fucking work, and it is fucking work.

In spite of all the personal learning and study I have done on PTSD, depression, anxiety, and chronic pain, despite how we are hounded with self-help tips and free information online, I still learned a bunch of new things about trauma and health that I didn’t know. My therapist was great and constantly challenged me. I understand myself so much better now. I give myself the space and time and patience I need to get through difficulties (and I can see them coming now! I can act instead of always reacting). I give myself grace, and I tell others what I need. I have boundaries(!!!).

After a full year, not everything is fixed. Not everything can be fixed. That shit gets baked in, and that’s biology, but it’s biology, too, to identify it. Name it. Work through my process and stop catastrophizing and keep building new patterns. I will never be a person without baggage, but fuck if I’m going to let it own me all the time. The past cannot steal my joy for the present, and the future is still an insurmountable beast of what-ifs, but I’ve got a Batman belt of tools and I’ve seen what they can do when I practice with them. That’s worth every goddamn penny.

So, yeah. Therapy. It’s my sincerest wish that you’re able to do it if you want to, that you find a good therapist, that you try. Self-improvement is hard, but don’t let the phrase fool you. “Self”-improvement doesn’t have to be single-player. You can co-op it. You can MMO it by getting help from others. Stop being a tank, go DPS and get yourself a healer.❤️

[ohworm-writes]

「✰」 ━━ NIKOLAI HEADCANONS

RATING R - Restricted [ Content Warnings : 18+ mdni, gn!m!f!reader, strong language, alcohol mention and consumption, fluff, possible mistranslation, spider mention, smut, dom!Nikolai, sub!reader, exhibitionism, cunnilingus, praise, degradation, masturbation, riding, hair pulling ]

SYNOPSIS Both general and romantic, safe for work and not safe for work, headcanons for, arguably, one of the most underrated Call of Duty: Modern Warfare characters to date - Nikolai. (This is my first time writing smut so any tips and feedback is greatly appreciated!)

WORD COUNT 1.2k

SAFE FOR WORK

His hands, and just his body overall, run naturally warm. Not to the point where he can be considered a "walking heater" or burning to the touch, but just exudes a constant warmness overall.

Dad-bod, no questions asked. He's not completely cut, not all hard surfaces and muscles - he's got a plush softness to him body that's equally as firm. He works out and keeps himself in shape, of course, because, granted, it's a given that comes with his profession, but he indulges himself equally as much.

He doesn't drink heavily, per se, setting a hard cut-off point for himself that he abides by like it's law, but he won't deny a drink if he's offered it. After all, drinking culture is big in Russia - he can hold his own just fine. That being said, vodka isn't his favorite, but he doesn't hate it by any means, either.

Acts of service and quality time are his love languages. He loves spending time with you whenever he can, especially considering how his profession can take him away for months and more at a time. If it's possible, you're always by his side or he's by yours. Will do anything you ask of him, too - be it chores, tasks, or anything else.

That being said, it can also be argued that giving gifts is one of his primary love languages, too. Any time he's out on a mission, he always tries to get you something from wherever he's been to - there are many perks to being a pilot, now aren't there?

He snores when he sleeps, and he sleeps heavy. Not to the point where you'd have to dump a bucket of ice water over him to wake him up, but to the point where you have to shake him vigorously to get him to slowly rouse. Sounds like a lawnmower when he snores.

His kisses are soft and slow, one hand on your waist or back, pulling you in, while the other holds your chin with such tenderness, guiding your lips to meet his, breathing out a heavy sigh as he relaxes into you.

Opts for Russian terms of endearment over English ones. It feels more personal to him, calling you something in his native tongue rather than something he hears everyone around him call their partners - it's more special to him.

Лапушка/Лапочка - Lapochka/Lapushka (sweetheart)

Любимая/Любимый - Lyubimaya/Lyubimyy (darling)

Surprisingly or not, he's actually a really good cook! He's traveled to so many places and tried so many different kinds of food so, naturally, he's learned to make them for himself. He downplays his abilities, but he looks like an absolute professional when he's in the kitchen.

When he's not away for work, he's actually quite domestic. He has a house of his own far away from everyone else in a remote little town, at least an hour or two outside of any major city. A cabin of sorts, with a place for his own little garden that he tends to (or, more accurately, which you tend to).

He even has his own little stall at the town's farmers market where he sells what he grows whenever it's ready. Everyone has so many theories about him because, honestly - why wouldn't they? A Russian man who lives at the edge of town in a big ol' house, disappearing for weeks or months at a time. It's a cause for concern.

He's so polite and he has the best manners, no question about it.

Though, to combat it, he can be quite a loose-canon. He's reckless and unethical in his methods, especially with work, but some aspects carry over to his personal and domestic life. (If there's a spider, he's pulling out his pistol first, not grabbing a book or a shoe).

He has this sarcastic, almost morbid sense of humor, smug as all hell (worse than Graves, more often than not) but he's genuinely just playful. He's a friend to everyone he meets and can easily match vibes with anyone.

NOT SAFE FOR WORK

Dominant in every sense of the word. He might let you act like you're in control from time to time, but he's quick to show you your place and has no shame in doing it.

His hands are always on you, no matter the occasion. He has to have some sort of physical contact when it comes to you. Be it a hand on the small of your back to guide you, on your shoulder to assure his presence, his leg touching yours when you sit down, a palm on your thigh as he drives.

One-hundred percent an ass man. Squeezing, slapping, spanking, groping - doesn't matter. If he can, his hand is there, no discussion.

He's an exhibitionist, easily. The risk of getting caught, whether if he's by himself or if he's with you, turns him on beyond belief - it gets his head spinning.

Helicopter sex! He's absolutely obsessed with getting you to ride him while he sits in the cockpit, holding onto your hips, fingers bruising into the skin, his legs spread wide with his jumper zipped down as far as it can go, fucking up into you as you bounce on his cock.

Jerks himself off in his helicopter too, biting down onto his fist as he fucks into his hand with purpose.

He's noisy! All grunts and growls, whispering to you how good you feel, practically narrating what he's doing sometimes.

It's a balance of praise and degradation that he gives. Sometimes it fifty-fifty, saying how you're taking him so well, like a good whore should. Sometimes it switches from one to the other (be it extremes or not) - it just depends.

Gives oral like it’s his job. Steady grip on your thighs, pushing them back and wide and buries himself between them for as long as you'll allow him to. He's so sloppy with it too, drooling and spitting all over you as he sucks you off/eats you out. (If you look close enough, you can tell it's started to bleach his beard, too).

Takes his time fucking you. He doesn't like quickies at all - if he isn't able to fuck you at the pace he wants, he isn't doing it. Now, this doesn't necessarily mean that he isn't up for hard and fast sex, but it's more so that he doesn't like time constraints.

More often than not, though, he goes slow (at least, at first), teasing you until you're begging before slowly pushing into you, dragging his cock in and out of you at an excruciating pace.

Speaking of, too, he's such a tease and he knows it.

Loves loves loves pulling and grabbing your hair, forcing you to arch your back as he pounds into you from behind relentlessly, watching the way your ass ripples with every snap of his hips.

Dumbification, too. Loves getting you all cock-drunk and fucked out to the point where you can't think for yourself, teasing you and borderline-mocking you as he slides a hand down your stomach, bringing his thumb down to your clit and making slow circles around it/grabbing the base of your cock and slowly stroking up and down it as he coos at you.

This goes hand in hand with overstimulation - loves making you cum over and over and over again until you can't think and it's too much, only to coax another orgasm out of you.

[grenade-maid]

there's a lot of reasons more people aren't into yuri that are troubling to consider, but equally, I genuinely think it cannot be understated how much of it comes down to most yuri being boring as hell. Like truly. I've been reading the front page of Dynasty Scans like it was the newspaper for 15 years I am not exaggerating I can show you the download file data 15 years.

You know what the complaint about yuri by yuri readers was back in 2009?

"wow that really was just 5 volumes of them blushing at each other and then they don't even kiss"

You know what the complaint about yuri by yuri readers is today in 2023?

"wow that really was just 5 volumes of them blushing at each other and then they don't even kiss"

Don't get me wrong, Yuri has grown a LOT in that time, to the point that most people today wouldn't even understand a Maria-sama reference if it were dropped in front of them (thank God). It's expanded and evolved to encompass more stories about adult women, wider varieties of scenarios, a greater acknowledgement of real life lesbianism, and is more comfortable showing girls kissing with tongue and having sex.

Yuri Manga is maybe the best is it's ever been, and it's also getting the widest readership it's ever had in the English speaking world. The titles we carry at work are always on back order with long queues, and, when I've asked them, most weebs of all gender or sexualities report keeping up with at least a few Yuri series.

At large though? Most of it is still really boring. That's not a bad thing necessarily. I like it because it goes down easy. For the most part any series you pick is gonna be pretty chill. Even shit from Sal Jiang which is PRETTY EDGY for yuri is a pretty breezy read. More serious ones like How Do We Relationship? cover some pretty real subjects about how intimacy is actually quite difficult even when both of you love each other, but it's not like... Exciting. Yuri isn't where you go to pump your fist or get perched on the edge of your seat.

So when the comparison is made to yaoi, well, I mean, have you READ any yaoi? Even in some of the more restrained titles those boys are likely to be sucking and fucking balls and all within the first volume or two. There's gonna be drama, intrigue, shit is gonna get messy, passions are gonna get heated, clothes are gonna be ripped off, people are gonna get sold to One Direction, it's stuff you can sit down with a bowl of popcorn with you know? Stuff you can message your friend and gush Hey Can You BELIEVE? A lot of it is pretty trashy, but that's the appeal. The generic state of yaoi is torrid and exciting and sexy. Ultimately, as a species many of us like to see pretty people fuck. In yaoi you'll get that. In yuri you won't. Nothing wrong with that, but it is gonna be a major contributing factor to their relative popularity.

It's also worth making the comparison to hetero romance manga, which has undergone a renaissance of it's own in recent years. There's now a whole meta around crafting a handful of mean shitty grouchy dysfunctional bully women and flinging them at the protagonist of the day who, unlike in years past, may actually have a face and personality. Most of these are also very trashy and truly scrape the bottom of the bucket in terms of writing.

AND YET?

I would bet money on the fact that you'll have heard of these women and probably even have a good idea what they're like without ever having touched a page of their manga.

I'm sorry but the straights are whipping donuts around the yuri girls in terms of delivering a wide variety of weird compelling fucked up women. How many yuri leading ladies by comparison can you point to as standout recognizable characters even divorced from their story? There's definitely a few, but not many. I'm not talking quality or depth of writing, I'm talking straight up pure recognizability. There are many beautifully written women in yuri, now more than ever. I can't think of many who'd like, get a figure made or have their face splashed on merch, though.

I don't really have a conclusion here. I love Yuri a lot, but at the end of the day this is just kinda the state of things right now.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Jimin and Jungkook in the same car together was the gift that kept on giving. Besides how at ease they were with each other, the banter made it all so much better. Because even then, they had a huge smile on their face. I know it's easy for me (and others) to call Jungkook a brat (he can be), but Jimin is no better and sometimes he likes to push Jungkook's buttons to get a reaction out of him.

Yes, that is definitely how a dongsaeng should talk to his hyung. That dynamic was either all over the place or completely absent. It felt more like they were both on equal footing and sometimes it should shift but I couldn't sense any of that more traditional age based relationship they are supposed to be having.

And all this for to me say that I have this tiny desire to witness a real argument. We know how they deal with conflict within their relationship through the retelling of their rainy day fight, but that was ages ago. They are more mature now, with their relationship in a different stage and that brings other issues to the surface. The short and heavily edited conversation about the lack of quality time was a small window into that. Both were laughing and indeed in wasn't a serious conversation, but it did confirm once again how needy and attached Jungkook is. And that doesn't exist in a vacuum. It can show through more cute/funny "moments" on camera, but we all know there's many ways for that to manifest.

What I'm trying to say is that as much as I emphasize that all I want is to enjoy KM, the truth is that it doesn't only include cute moments. I enjoy when they argue or when one is not in the mood or maybe bored, etc. Or when they disagree. It's a mark of authenticity there in terms of how they agree to come across on screen as individuals, but also it's the complexity of their relationship, regardless of its nature.

Often, the issue was (and still is) with the difficulty of putting Jikook in a box. To clearly define their relationship and dynamic. As opposed to other ships which a lot of the times heavily rely on fictional tropes and it's easily noticeable in ships across k-pop fandoms. The behavior might have variations, but the fans are set with their definition of what that pair is like. The bigger part of its component remains the same due to circumstances, personality, type of content, etc.

Even with the BTS fandom/solo stans and all factions of micro-fandoms, they can't really pinpoint jikook and tend to take the fanservice route (which is a confirmation in itself of what they actually see, but I digress). They're not the bickering duo, the married couple or any other trope-like dynamic. With AYS and having access to Jikook in a format that allows us to take a closer look at less interrupted interactions, it becomes even more difficult to pin them down. Which, if not an indication of an actual romantic relationship (the shipping perspective), at least it clearly shows a life spent together outside cameras that seeps in at every turn. At a complaint, a commentary, a familiar touch.

To be continued...

[chonkymoth]

going off of that twitter post about how Nandor is fucking giddy when talking w the Baron about how Guillermo killed all the vamps in the theatre and how he doesn't want Guillermo to change:

Nandor is happiest, or at least proudest, when recalling his own days as a fearsome warrior — his acts in conquering, slaughtering, and pillaging. He talks so highly of himself from that point in his life. And it begs the question if he considers vampirism a curse, at least in part, because he is no longer that once ruthless leader and fighter. In terms of overall vampires, he's honestly just kind of average it seems. And when it comes to Guillermo he's downright soft, to the point that multiple other vampires have pointed out that his feelings towards Guillermo and the way he treats him are odd, to say the least, for a vampire/familiar relationship.

But the thing is, I think the thing he respects the most about Guillermo is those same qualities he once had. He sees Guillermo as someone who is powerful and strong and fully capable of holding his own (and tbf he's very right). Him wholeheartedly vouching to the others to spare Guillermo in the name of the "warrior's code"? Yeah, that. And he knows vampirism changed that about him. I think, deep in that emotionally constipated little brain of his, he's so scared of Guillermo getting turned and no longer having those qualities he loves and respects, and instead turning out just like Nandor. We as a fandom talk a lot about how Nandor is scared Guillermo would leave him — and Nandor's said as much — and I do think that's a very good chunk of his hesitation to turn Guillermo, but I think a lot of it, too, is that he's scared of Guillermo turning out just like he has.

Yet, when Nandor sought out a wife last season, he wanted someone devoid of those exact qualities he seems to relish and uphold. He wanted someone that basically just lifted him up rather than be his equal, his counterpart. Nandor got rid of people who bested him in a fight, who were too pretty or alluring, who were funnier than him, etc. And he found, seemingly, the perfect person for him within those tight guidelines....and then proceeded to change every single thing about her. Until finally changing her to be an exact copy of Guillermo's boyfriend. Aka: he desires what Guillermo desires.

Which leads to the question of what does Guillermo desire? Well, that's not nearly as hard to piece together since he's much more open about his feelings. Guillermo desires and values the qualities that, he thinks, come with being a vampire — being ruthless, powerful, and attractive. It's the whole reason he finally said fuck it and went to Derek, because he was so tired of being him. He never realized that he already held all of those qualities he valued ("I don't feel powerful. I don't feel sexy" that's because you already were those things, love). It's just that he discovered the hard way that those qualities weren't really intrinsic to being a vampire. But, back to the point I was trying to make; basically, he values all the qualities Nandor had/has. Former fearless ruler and warrior of a nation, who had 37 wives, and is now a bloodthirsty and terrifyingly strong vampire who fucks around with anyone he wants? Check, check, and check.

So, if Guillermo desires Nandor and Nandor desires what Guillermo does, then Nandor is realistically looking for someone that compliments him and is equivalent to him. Someone who he recognizes to have all of the qualities that are fundamental to who he is and was. Man, I wonder who that could be.... And honestly? I think Nandor is finally starting to connect all these dots himself. Which is just adding to his fear of Guillermo changing in any way. Because he likes and respects who Guillermo has become over these past seasons. And I'm so scared and excited to see how he takes Guillermo being turned, both now and after he sits with the information for a while, because, realistically, Guillermo hasn't changed, not really. But will Nandor realize that?

[midwinterrmemento]

Flower Language

➢ pairing: Leonardo x MC [Ikemen Vampire]

➢ word count: 1,413

⚠️ content warnings: None!

This is my entry for @ikemenlibrary's Ikemen Valentine Gift Exchange, dedicated to @sunnyikemen! I have never written for Leo before, but I had a lot of fun with his character, and I hope that I did well enough to make for an enjoyable read at least! Happy belated Valentine's Day, Sunny, and here is some Leo fluff for you :)

Being around the most famous polymath in history, there was always a new surprise in store.

Leonardo da Vinci seemed to know everything about everything. Perhaps it was because of his endless knowledge, gathered over the course of centuries, or perhaps it was because of the air of ease that surrounded him—but it did not escape his notice how the newest resident of the manor seemed to gravitate toward him upon her unexpected arrival. 

He never denied her his company. At first, because he knew she was frightened and disoriented.

For a girl who had found herself transported into another time period in the blink of an eye, there was only uncertainty around every corner. Yet Leonardo's breezy personality and apparent ability to handle anything with minimal effort brought her security, as well as distraction. He knew this, and so he made it a note to help her throughout her time in the manor, keeping her mind off her troubles.

You're restless and wish to get out of the manor, cara mia? Well, then, let's take a day outside Paris. The French countryside is an equally worthy sight for a time traveler, and it'd be a shame not to have you visit. Hm? Where to? Well, it's no fun if I tell you all the details, now, is it? 

How to paint, you ask? Why, you wish to prove a point to Theo? Ha! Don't pay him too much mind, 'knabbeltje' is merely a term of endearment, I'm sure. But if you really wish to learn, then I am glad to be of service, morso mio. ...Hm, no, of course that's not the same as what Theo says. Would you accuse me of such a thing? 

So, you want to hear about Florence back in those days, then. I hope this isn't because of any gossip you heard from the noble Comte. ...Alright, alright. Come, sit. I suppose I ought to make an effort to salvage my good name, at least.

Days turned into weeks of trying to make himself available to her, helping her calm down and settle into her new life at the mansion. He had sworn to himself that was all it was. But as wary as he knew to be of the passage of time, somehow he found it creeping up on him again. Even after she was already well settled, he continually found himself at her side, as if naturally drawn there.

He didn't realize until too late, one afternoon when they were sitting out in the mansion's gardens together.

A certain flower had caught her eye—a yellow daisy—and Leonardo had commented, absentmindedly, "Ah, yes. Joy and friendship."

It was an innocent remark, accompanied by a little chuckle. It made sense to him that this should be the flower that struck her. He had come to associate her with such qualities, after all, because they were what she brought to him. Every little inconsequential story he shared with her, every time he allowed her to watch him paint and work, every time he whisked her out on some spontaneous excursion, it was often met with that look of intrigue, that little excited glimmer in her eyes. 

Yet he was somewhat surprised when his passive comment earned him that same look.

Humming to herself, her eyes scanned over the other flowers in the garden and came to rest on another. “And that one?” She nodded her head towards the flower in question.

“Which, the marigold?” 

She glanced back at him expectantly and nodded once more, seeming quite eager to hear his explanation. Leonardo, now acutely aware that he was being tested, smiled a little.

“Marigolds represent grief. Or the passage from one life to the next.”

“Really? But they seem so much brighter, warmer…”

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you doubting me, cara mia?”

And for that remark, he found himself rewarded with soft laughter. Despite himself, and despite everything he had assured himself about maintaining his distance, he could not help but feel his heart squeeze. Spending an idyllic afternoon wandering around the mansion’s garden, chatting among the flowers as they bloomed with the new season, it all felt so warm. 

“No, no…” She shook her head, still smiling. “It’s just unbelievable, that’s all…”

“So you are doubting me.” Leonardo tsked in faux disapproval, savoring the little back-and-forth of the moment. “Alright, now it’s a challenge, then. Ask me about another.”

Looking around again, she settled on a vibrant purple bud and pointed to it. 

“Ah, crocuses stand for young love,” he answered knowingly. “There is an old Greek legend that Crocus was a mortal lover of Hermes, and the god was so devastated when he died that he had him transformed into a flower. The red on the inside, there, is supposed to represent his blood.”

She seemed quite taken by the story as he explained. Ah, he would never tire of seeing that look on her face, when she was so absorbed in what he was saying, when he knew she was hanging on every word. But arguably, it was even better to watch her fluster when he concluded his tale with a triumphant smirk.

“Alright, don’t get too arrogant, now.” She pointed to another flower. “What about that one?”

“Sweetpea, gratitude.”

“And the lily?”

“Purity.”

“And the white camellia?”

“You’re adorable.”

For a moment, silence fell between them. Even the great polymath had his limits, and he did not realize what he was saying—or how it would be construed—until he glanced at her curiously and found her staring back at him.

Oh.

“No, I mean…” He coughed. “That… is what the flower means.”

She blinked. Quickly returning to her senses, she began to shake her head, as if to simply laugh off the misunderstanding. “Yes, right.”

For as much as he was inclined to laugh along with her, however, he found himself unable to do so. Once more he felt his heart squeeze in his chest—though this time, it was a more uncomfortable feeling. Uncomfortable in a familiar, sinking way.

“Well, anyway… I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that you’ve studied flower language at some point as well. You’ve studied practically everything else,” she said, attempting to keep the mood light and teasing. “At times I wonder, is there anything you don’t know?”

Leonardo found himself staring at her a moment longer, somewhat troubled by that old feeling in his chest, and taken aback by the realization that he did, in fact, find her quite adorable. Not wanting to keep her waiting for a response, lest she start to suspect there was something on his mind, he sighed and managed a little smile.

“...Actually, cara mia… There are plenty of things I don’t know.”

With that, he reached over and carefully plucked one of the little flowers nearby. He tucked the flower behind her ear, grinning with satisfaction as he watched her demeanor brighten again. 

“Hm, that’s better.”

“That was a pink camellia, right?” She gazed back at him with that curious look he loved so much to see on her.

“Maybe so.”

An ambiguous response, as if he had simply chosen the flower at random, when they both knew that wasn’t the case.

“What does that one mean, then?”

Something in Leonardo’s grin became a bit more wistful. There was another beat of silence, and then, suddenly, he reached out and lightly ruffled her hair.

“...I concede defeat,” he said, after pretending to think for a moment. “I’ve forgotten.”

Laughing at his actions as she tried to fix her hair, she seemed quite pleased by the thought of having gotten one over on him. So pleased that—much to his relief—she let it drop, and did not question him any further about the flower’s meaning.

Leonardo watched her smiling, standing in the sun with a flower in her mussed-up hair, and studied her as though she were one of the wonders of the world. There was no longer any doubt in his mind as to what exactly this feeling was, weighing so heavily upon his heart. And there was no doubt that he had chosen the right flower to express it. 

Even if he could never say it to her face—his lovely Crocus, who had so miraculously appeared in his life across time and space, and who was bound to one day return to her own world beyond that door—he could not deny it.

This unspeakable feeling, represented by a pink camellia.

I long for you.

[meanscarletdeceiver]

Hmm… have I asked for Thomas and Henry, or just thought about it hard a couple of times? XD;;

Ooh, a fun pair. 

“You’re too fat, you need exercise! 😤” 

“Oh, I can’t wait for dawdling tank engines like you; good-bye! 😇”

“Run my train on time for one thing 😡” 

“You’re the only danger on the rails, Thomas 🙄” 

‘Oh, I guess you can go to York… some of us are still too useful to become museum-pieces… 👿’ (paraphrasing Henry’s copium here) 

All right, maybe it’s more “fun” like the one in “dysfunctional.” But still! 

The thing about this is that it’s a “minor” relationship in that, for most of their lives, they’re in each other’s periphery. Then again, they’ve been in each other’s lives sooooo long. So it’s a very sibling-y sort of relationship. They’ve been on different life paths as long as they can remember… but ohh, the embarrassing shit they remember about each other…

Birds’-Eye View 

This relationship has an eternal tug-of-war quality.

Of course, Thomas by instinct plays tug-of-war with all the “big engines”! This is who he is! 

But the relationship with Henry is different because there’s a sort of long-term… equality? Like, with Thomas and Gordon, like, Thomas is cheeky, but the one time he ever got really out-of-line with Gordon (i.e. THOMAS’ FIRST APPEARANCE?) Gordon pretty much put him in his place, and overall the whole point of their relationship is that Thomas acknowledges Gordon’s superiority in at least certain key points, it’s precisely WHY he likes to measure himself against him! (I’m thinking a lot here of many, many TVS-only incidents… but even in RWS there’s “Hurry hurry hurry,” he puffed, pretending to be like Gordon.) Thomas can’t look upon Henry the same way, for “Henry I”-related reasons not least of all (see section below). But with Gordon, the whole fun of the relationship for Thomas is to tease him in a way that only works if Gordon is on a pedestal. Thomas doesn’t try to knock him off… he just likes to shake things up, freak Gordon out, then do a campy little victory dance and make his exit with a shit-eating grin. 

Then there’s Thomas and James, and in RWS… post-strike, James is never again seen to give Thomas any shit for being a tank engine? (Actual gold star, I can’t believe we’ve found an avenue of insult that even RWS!James has left untrod.) So a key feature of his tension with Gordon and Henry is, apparently, removed. Of course they do clash, if you go by TVS they clash a LOT. But in this relationship Thomas kind of has the upper hand, when you take the long view. (Thomas is more famous and favored, and James just gets so consistently shut down by the whole universe the moment he tries any shit. Plus, their foundational moment was Thomas getting him cleaned up after his first Sodor accident, and I think that colours the relationship forever – even after James is no longer prepared to just take Thomas’s patronizing airs (“Hullo James! Feeling better? That’s right! Oh, I must go, I don’t know what the Fat Controller etc. etc…” Betcha James shut down that shit before too much longer, lol.)

If Gordon has the dominant role in that relationship, and if Thomas has the dominant role in the one with James… then the fun thing about Thomas and Henry is that the scale never permanently settles one way or another. Whenever they have a lil’ flare-up, they feel like they’re on equal footing, and perhaps that’s why the barbs they trade feel ‘specially vicious! The field is wide open, no one comes in with the advantage, and they are both in it to WIN it!

But why are they like this? 

Early Years 

The thing I envision about their early acquaintance is the mutual bafflement. It’s a similar vibe to the one hilariously (and accurately) depicted here with Thomas and Gordon, except it’s not about different autisms, and it’s less confusion and dislike and more confusion and annoyance. 

My headcanon for Henry is that Thomas was the first time he set eyes on a tank engine. So his initial reaction is like “what is this deformed… creature? (and why is he so mouthy?) (and what does he do here?) (what is ‘shunting’? oh nvm it’s not like i’ll ever need to know, i’m a proper engine)” Even if my headcanon is discarded, however, Thomas sure is Himself and the sheer force of his fussy, self-important Main Character Energy would have had a similar effect on young Henry, fresh from the shop and still dazzled by the wide world. 

Thomas, though he has a fair bit more worldly experience under his boiler bands, still isn’t nearly as worldly as he thinks he is! — and he finds Henry just as baffling as Henry does him. Henry’s not like any other engine he’s ever met. He’s the biggest for one thing. He’s also far and away the un-reliable-est. I accentuate this in QLIR because part of the “scam” is that Henry is presented to Hatt as, not perhaps the engine he envisioned, but still an engine with some on-the-job experience. Total lies, of course. Far from “hitting the ground running,” Henry is a babe in the woods, constantly stumbling and fumbling his way around the rails. He knows nothing of railway operations, yard etiquette, or shed culture. Someone like Edward can take this in stride and just be like, All right, new chap needs a little extra looking after. It’s just a thing. No biggie. (Topham Hatt of course is in his office spitting nails, but this ain’t about him.) Thomas, however, is at just that childish stage where a) he knows all this stuff and b) he can’t fathom anyone not knowing it. So he’s constantly having the reaction of “What is he doing???” And, since he has no filter, drawing everyone’s attention to New Guy’s odd behaviors, every time (which does nothing to help Henry build confidence!) 

(Then again, of course, sometimes New Guy legitimately does some very strange stuff – Once an engine attached to a train/Was afraid of a few drops of rain… That, erm. That Doesn’t Help.) 

Then you add on Henry’s… mis-build, and Thomas’s befuddlement is cemented. He’s a cast-off on the Island Railway of Cast-Offs, of course, so the idea of mechanical issues aren’t new, but Henry’s are at a whole new level and they regularly disable him. Thomas is definitely 100% on board with the idea that you can manage to at least finish any job if you just try hard enough… and certainly you can at least get out of the shed in the mornings, yeah? Henry is the first time he encounters an engine for whom this just isn’t true. Same childish point of view: Henry is weird. 

Again, I cannot emphasize that “Henry is weird” is an attitude coming from Thomas… who in his own unique way is one of the weirdest little engines ever built (affectionate). 

None of this amounts, on either side, to anything like hatred. Annoyance on both sides, to be sure, but even then I don’t think it’s their dominant attitude towards each other. We see in “Thomas’ Train” that Thomas is… intrigued by the potential of his getting to fulfill his long-term Train-Taking Goals. But he doesn’t gloat over Henry’s misfortune, and I think TVS was so correct in giving him a worried face mask even as he slowly goes off to get the train ready… He can’t even be properly excited until he’s out of Henry’s vicinity, and, mind you, Henry’s too ill to be intimidating just then – Thomas refrains only because he really does feel bad for Henry, and doesn’t want him to feel worse! 

We also have, later in the same story, Thomas thinking “Henry says it’s hard to pull trains, but…” So, you know, they’ve talked before. (At minimum, Thomas has listened to Henry fretting to other big engines!) Henry is a real person for him, so to speak, by now a consistent presence in his life. 

As they settle in to their early-canon dynamic, I reckon it’s now characterised by mutual envy. Thomas would LOVE to take trains regularly like Henry – and can’t fully comprehend why Henry treats it like a burden! Like, he knows Henry gets ill, but at a gut level I don’t think Thomas could truly “get it,” because there’s nothing more he wants in the world than to have what Henry has!

Conversely, Thomas himself is always complaining, too (They’re both so good at having a good grumble!) and I think it would kinda drive Henry nuts that Thomas acts like he has it soooooo hard for *checks notes* having a job that he can actually perform to everyone’s satisfaction?... Vicarstown pilot Thomas may feel ignored by their manager, but that’s a million times preferable to being an eighty-ton disappointment to a manager who now has buyer’s remorse and a consequently short temper with you… :/

Keeping Each Other Grounded

I have no doubt that in the early years Henry leaned as far into the “big engine” identity as he could, largely to ensure that he wasn’t dead last in the pecking order. But I don’t know that this worked… especially after Thomas is promoted to branch line, and now Henry and the others don’t have a station pilot to kick around for a while…! 

I don’t know for sure how I come down on about the TVS notion that Henry really grows out the big-engine trio vs. RWS, where the big-engine trio more slowly dissolves with everyone’s mutual consent. But if Henry did sort of lose interest in this identity when the other two didn’t, it makes sense precisely because the big-engine thing never let him rise higher than oh let’s say Thomas, and keeping a few paces ahead of that mouthy little tank engine (who always fails upward!!) was a big part of his motive for adopting it to begin with. 

Similarly, Henry is so practiced at seeing the down side of anything. This makes him great at poking a hole in Thomas's balloon, any time Thomas gets too proud and puffed-up.

The Good Times 

Right, I started off focusing on the tensions just because whenever one of these fellas takes a potshot at the other it’s always a classic! And because I think mutual befuddlement is the keynote of their early relationship. 

As we get even in a little into canon, however, I want to emphasize that they usually rub along comfortably. They’re kind of on each other’s periphery, always, but they’ve lived and worked together for so long. And they’re both good-hearted sort of lads really. So it’s impossible that they don’t care about each other, even if it’s almost always at a bit of a distance. We are more likely to see them when they’re shooting a poisoned arrow at each other, but we know that what they’re usually doing when they see each other at the junction is pleasantly exchanging news.

This means that I approve of (virtually all) the little TVS moments that point to this kind of bond. Usually it’s one of them looking concerned when the other is jumpy (Henry) or missing (Thomas… dude, you sure do go missing a lot in TVS). I likewise enjoy getting to see them happy for each other at the appropriate moments (usually this is Henry for Thomas, most memorable for me is “That’s my boy!” <- cheering on Thomas when he’s kicking ass in the Shunting Challenge).

This is basic, background sort of stuff. But it’s also, I think, the most accurate representation of them. The zingers are incredible but they are a small part of their relationship. A basic, background sort of quasi-siblinghood is what constitutes the lion’s share of that bond. 

I don’t like the TAB notion that Thomas went out of his way to say a few encouraging words to Henry and thereby cured Henry’s rain-related anxiety wtfffff… but I do approve of the general idea that, even (especially?) in the early days, there was certainly a time or two when Thomas hung back in the sheds to encourage Henry, just the two of them. It’s only that I think his brand of encouragement would be more like… Gordon or one of the BBBs had said something shitty to Henry, and (after getting into it with them, because Thomas is not one to back down from a fight!) actually remembering (for a change?) that this was all about Henry to begin with, and hanging around for a bit until Henry was cheered up. Although unlike Percy’s very frank, open attempt to cheer Henry in “Gordon’s Whistle,” I think Thomas’s approach would be more like “what a wanker…” Like, he wouldn’t show any pity, he’d just open the door for him and Henry to both talk shit about the guy for a few minutes. This is, indeed, Henry’s preferred method of being supported, well above being shown any overt pity! And Thomas would get it! (You wouldn’t usually find me doing an emotional-intelligence point-for-point comparison between Thomas and Percy where Thomas comes out on top, lol. But in this case Thomas’s nature – which includes being a casual shit-talker – would really shine!) 

Not So Different?

Indeed, I wonder sometimes if these two aren’t the two most similar personalities on the cast — they’ve just been shaped by very different external factors! 

They’re both fussy, both self-important, and neither is one to suffer in silence. They’re both good steady everyday grumblers, not aggressively, but in a very normal, perhaps even very English way. They both have good hearts and are quite willing to work hard… though they have both been known to throw a tantrum that sooner (tunnel & rain) or a wee bit later (banged-up snowplough) brings operations to a halt. None of which is unique to these two, by any means! All these traits are pretty common among the RWS cast(s?) especially. But Thomas and Henry’s traits match up point-for-point. They’re just living different lives, but underneath the externals they’re awfully alike. 

Now, of course, there is a key difference — Henry is a follower, and Thomas would make a terrible follower; he can’t handle cliques (he’s rather too rough-around-the-edges to ever fit in one, methinks!) Then, too, when Henry thinks he doesn’t get enough respect (often), he just grumbles but has to wait for someone to present to him an opportunity (Gordon and James re: the strike, Duck re: six lovely tenders). When Thomas thinks he doesn’t get enough respect (again — often), he’s soon off doing something — usually something that ranges from foolish to catastrophic, but the point is that he’s more active and Henry’s more passive. 

Those are real differences and not just down to circumstance. However, apart from these two points, if Thomas were a large ill-built tender engine, I think a lot of his behavior would be Henryesque. Same but inverted if Henry were a hale and healthy tank engine. Their natures were cut from similar cloth, even if they underwent different treatments and design. They’re not as irritable as James, as even-tempered as Edward, as bubbly as Percy, nor (even if they had been built to his design) would they be quite as proud, nor nearly so dignified, as Gordon. They’re both Just Guys, in a way. 

What are YOU looking at?

I guess there’s one other way they differ… in TVS, Thomas is so proactive about going out and introducing himself and making seven bajillion merchandise deals friends. 

I favor RWS for Thomas’s essential nature, though – and he’s notably absent in the nationalisation era, when the others are constantly bumping against B.R. engines. “He’s on his branch line!” Yeah, but, man – Percy somehow has a circle of B.R. admirers. Thomas could be mixing it up more at Tidmouth if he were inclined to. I think he likes staying on his home base. I think Thomas is a quite a bit more of a homebody than Andrew Brenner seems to, in short. 

This also means that I think Thomas and Henry are alike in this way, too. They’re happy in the lives they’ve carved out for themselves, new acquaintances can approach them if they like – but watch out! (“What ugly wheels you’ve got.”) Newcomers to the book version of the North-Western can expect Duck to give you guidance, Percy to peer upon you with frank curiosity, James to self-importantly shove himself into your personal space and try to put you in your place, Gordon to officiously introduce himself if he thinks you’re important enough to merit such an honor, the Caledonians to maybe break you in with a practical joke if you stick around long enough, Edward to extract your entire life story if you stay longer than about 48 hours. Thomas and Henry? They’re hangin’ back. Not on account of shyness! And they’re not excessively proud I don’t think – but they’re both just self-important enough that they’re automatically suspicious of anyone with the nerve to approach them. 

(That said, annoying Thomas is just a first step in befriending him. Annoying Henry doesn’t work out the same way! He’ll just tell you to get off his siding, lol.) 

It’s like Ariel Wanting to Walk on the Beach… with Legs… 

A final and very important similarity: Thomas and Henry both distinguish themselves by indulging in some notably un-engine-like behavior. 

Thomas is discontent in early canon in a way I certainly don’t think is true for all shunters (hence part of my characterization of my OC Poppet, who would never dream of pining to be anything but a station pilot. She has a grand job! What more could an engine want than an important job? Variety? Society? Scenery? Pah. Because Poppet's a normie, is why.) Even early in his branch line days, we see him taking up a yen to fish like the anglers he sees at the Els river – and is apparently called out for it by every engine to whom he announces this desire. (“Engines don’t go fishing??? *mutters aside* Loony…”) 

Henry, too, is given the trait in TVS canon of liking to sit ‘round on mysterious sidings in the middle of a peaceful forest and take in the beauty of it all. Now engines often want to be a part of things – it seems they have a social drive – but to want to do all this slow, solitary, un-useful nature hobby stuff, that’s really something else. This is such un-engine-like behavior that it’s downright impractical! RULE 55 But it puts Henry into what is (for the Classic and New Series, at least) a pretty exclusive club, pretty much just him, Thomas, and – later in the same TV season – Duck. And, like, I accept this as canon because it feels right. Yeah, they’re our weirdos (affectionate). 

In Our Lanes. Thriving. 

So, yeah. Two nifty dudes, with a sibling relationship that’s so basic and understated that it’s almost dangerous to write them, because you could very easy press your thumb a little too hard and ruin their balance! 

There’s a little crop of fics that give them the shared spotlight in a story, usually in the Vicarstown days, when Thomas does something nice for a struggling Henry. That idea tends to work quite well. I can’t think of many other times when trying to put the focus on their dynamic wouldn’t foil their dynamic. As I say for the last time – a keyword here is “peripheral.” 

Their connection is strong mostly because of time and shared history, strengthened by a similar temperament, and spiced up by their chronic squabbling. You could too easily try to give them a nice Moment and overdo it, because they’re in the same tight family-like circle, but it’s like they’re each on one of the polar caps – just waving at (or snarling at) each other every so often as their shared world keeps chuggin’ on.

[goopiferart]

Classpect analysis notes under the cut!

Spent the last 2-3 weeks classpecting with the Book Club and here's what we largely came to agree on for MY classpects. I came to the discussion thinking "Thief of Doom" but I guess things just change! Most of us went into this with "which classpect would present the biggest challenge for me" so most of my notes take on... challenging qualities.

I'll try to post everyone else's final classpects + notes in this blog eventually (soon).

🩸 PRINCE OF BLOOD 👑

Princes are individuals who either lack their Aspect or outright reject their Aspect and are defined by their struggle to come to terms with it

The Prince of Blood may start out as an individual who struggles with relationships

They would have difficulties forging new friendships, maintaining bonds, and finding meaning within the company of others

They resent the ties that bind them to people, most likely due to their overwhelming need to honor obligations at any cost

Their highly competent nature is sought out by others but is rarely rewarded, putting this Prince at risk of being exploited if they are not discriminating in the company they keep (like Pages)

The Prince’s mean independence streak can border on the extreme if they don’t have social anchors to ground them

They have a fetishistic need to burn bridges at the slightest inconvenience, selfishly preferring to indulge in their maladapted coping instinct over rationally working things through with others

They are equally avoidant and combative, lacking the meekness of Rogues but also their knack for charm and levity

The Prince of Blood’s natural instinct is to avoid confrontation not out of fear of others but of themselves

“Nobody makes me bleed my own blood. Especially me!”

What little people they manage to keep around them are at risk of being put on a gilded pedestal

The Prince’s loyalty to those that they deem worthy is all-consuming and dangerous, to both themselves and others

To step outside The Prince’s idealized version of you would be to betray their trust and one-sided devotion, something they will never be able to forgive

Princes naturally gravitate towards embodying their opposite Aspect, at least outwardly

The Prince’s independence is sacred and is something they will never willingly compromise with, much to the chagrin of those around them

CAUTION: Do not tell this Prince what to do

They chafe against tradition and the status quo but lack the drive (and charisma) to rally others to their cause

They seek out novelty over the tried and true, often having difficulties completing long-term projects out of boredom or due to needing to experiment

The Prince wants nothing more than to escape the “heaviness” of Blood for the airy pursuits of Breath but will always be doomed to be tethered by their undeniable need to love and to be loved by others

Princes destroy Blood or destroys through Blood for themselves

Aside from being effective solo killers (blows up all your blood), the Prince would be able to utilize their bonds to destroy other bonds

They could form alliances or force others into contracts to help eliminate other inconvenient alliances

Obligations become weaponized as the Prince can call upon irrevocable (and inescapable) favors to their team’s benefit

The inverse classpect manifests when Players are at their worst or are emotionally compromised

The Prince of Blood’s inverse is the Sylph of Breath

At their worst, the Prince could take a dogmatic approach to prescribing their variety of independence as the one-and-only solution, forcing their brand of “living” as the panacea for all of life’s injustices

Their forced and misguided aid would make them appear to be tyrants to others despite the Prince’s initial good intentions

They could also become wholly irresponsible individuals, shirking the demands of Blood completely for a life of carefree self-destruction

🖕 SEER OF RAGE 🔮

Seers receive knowledge of their Aspects externally, not being innately versed in their Aspect early in their journey

The Seer of Rage could initially have trouble understanding anger and fear, both theirs and others, as they’re either suffering from chronic indifference or are in deep denial about their own inhibitions

They could appear to be carefree and upbeat individuals while being deeply conflicted and troubled on the inside, completely loath to let their struggles be perceived by others

The Seer will never admit to feeling powerless over their lack of agency over their base instincts, shamefully resorting to relying on the voice of more authoritative figures to guide them instead

They want others to see them as arbiters of self-control, infallible beings who keep a short leash on any unbecoming instinct that betrays their lack of mastery of the self

The Seer is oft indecisive, afflicted by the restrictions they place on themselves by being unable to look past their own fears and discomforts

The Seer comes into their own when they start allowing themselves to question their beliefs, confronting uncomfortable revelations, and allowing themselves to dabble in the mess that is “human emotion”

The catalyst needed to put the Seer on the right path in pursuing their own truths will usually be explosive, a sudden and dramatic event that would change their relationship with their Aspect forever

The Seer of Rage may be one of the more “introspective” Seers in that the prerequisite to being of any use to their team and session is to understand themselves first rather than blindly trusting external sources

They can also run the risk of becoming mouthpieces for misguided causes and manipulative forces

These Seers tend to be natural pacifists who rarely enjoy involving themselves directly in conflicts

This does not mean that they are shy about letting their own Rage loose on occasion

Seers examine (understand) their Aspect or examine (understand) through their Aspect for others

The Seer of Rage can literally see (smell?) fear

They know exactly what people are afraid of and what needs to be done to mitigate, avoid, or enhance it in others

They can be incredible strategists, capable of seeing through illusions and identifying enemies’ psychological weaknesses

The Seer is capable of identifying all the possible missteps stemming from the “human element” in plans and will work around them accordingly

The inverse classpect manifests when Players are at their worst or are emotionally compromised

The Seer of Rage’s inverse is the Witch Hope

At their worst, the Seer shirks their responsibility as the messenger of hard truths, using their extensive knowledge of fear and anger to transform “unpalatable” emotions into more pleasant experiences for others

Allows unhealthy delusions to cloud their ability to discern the truth from fantasy

Focuses too much on helping others avoid reality than on confronting it

[rtofbs]

My Astrology Theories [1]

note: i'm not a professional astrologer, but these are theories that I've created while researching different natal charts, because I love theories and going deep. this post is lengthy, but i will appreciate your inputs and thoughts in the comments section below 🧸

I feel like planets in mutual reception by own sign help each other when the native start to behave like the signs where the planet is strong. for example: - the reception of Moon in Scorpio and Mars in Cancer in male natal chart might mean that these planets are stronger when he is protective over a woman he's close with, as in he behaves like Mars in Scorpio towards Moon in Cancer. - the reception of Saturn in Pisces and Neptune in Capricorn works best when the native is imagining and envisioning something they want in the future and make it a goal, and this is then they will get structure, discipline, timing and responsibility to get what they want because Saturn will get out of cloudy realms of Pisces. - Ted Bundy had reception of his Sun in Sagittarius, Jupiter in Scorpio, and Pluto in Leo. Ted had both Sun and Moon in Sagittarius, meaning that when he expressed his conscious and subconscious will, the Jupiter in Scorpio and consequently Pluto in Leo were triggered and activated. Pluto squared his Venus, and he assaulted stranger women that were sexually appealing to him, but at the same time this Pluto trined his Moon, and he didn’t touch girlfriends with whom he shared daily and long term life. so when he is acting on his Pluto in Leo, his Sun gets activated and empowered in a way he become powerful, confident, in one word: famous.

I believe the sign and the corresponding house should not be taken as equals. Leo Sun and 5H house Suns are essentially different, because Leo Sun is all about the Sun qualities (confident, bright, expressive, artistic) in one's character while Sun in 5H house is faced with the situations throughout their life to express themselves, to become literally the main character. but the type of main character depends on their sign. for example:

- Scorpio 5H Sun is wonderful, but sometimes confusing placement. you have one of the most closed off Sun Sign placed in the most expressive outwardly house. these people express themselves, but on their own way. for example, I have Scorpio 5H Sun, and I have 4 Tumblr blogs with separates themes and aesthetics, 3 Twitter accounts with different level of vulnerability, and the list can go on, and these are basically outlets where I share bits of myself to the world.

- also, how the person deals with the house theme and connects to it depends on this sign. for example, Scorpio Sun and Sun in 8H house are different. the notion of overcoming is hardcoded in Scorpio Sun natives psyche, and it's internal, while Sun in 8H don't have these qualities internally, they have to develop these qualities and often this will be painful experience, and if they don't develop at least resilience, then Pluto house will be very difficult to live with constantly.  3.  I believe if the outer planet has no rulership over personal planets, then it will create an external situation, where the native will be forced to face these energies. - for example, if one natal chart doesn’t have Scorpio placements, but has Pluto contacts, especially with Venus or Moon, it can play out as the person dealing with Plutonic relationships where the Pluto energy comes from other person. in case of hard aspects, most probably this person will struggle to understand how Pluto person operates, and it will create a serious misunderstanding and trust issues. or they will end up in various situations, where everything is perceived as suspicious and dangerous. in case of easy aspects, the person might have romantic or platonic relationships with others, where they can explore deep waters of intimacy, trust and unconditional love. - this can be applied even to social planets like Saturn and Jupiter. if Saturn doesn’t rule over personal planet in one chart, but has contacts, then the person will be dealing with Saturn themes in external situations. if Saturn makes harmonious aspects, then the person will be the epitome of «consistency is a key to success» and prolly won't have any issues with discipline. if Saturn makes hard aspects, then the person might have issues with discipline, structure, might procrastinate a lot, and might be at odds with authority figures. 

[ask--eggman]

Hey eggman, im curious. In a previouse post you talked about marriage and your distaste for it, and i have a couple of questions.

First, is settling down all you hate about marriage? Or are there some other things you dont like about it.

Secondly, you mentioned no one being up to par with you. Too which I agree, but in a hypothetical world, if someone could be up to your standards, what would those standerds be? What qualitys are you looking for in an ideal partner essentially?

And third, if somehow, someone matches all these requirements, however unlikely that is, would you concider a relationship? Even if your not capable of truely loving them, or fully loving them at least. I mean you do get tax benifits from it after all.

Hoping you might still have a chance with me, eh? Understandable with how incredibly desirable I am and all, heheh.

Well, I also don't like the idea of being "tied down" or "belonging to" a spouse. Absolutely not! There's not a single person deserving of me like that. I also wouldn't want to limit myself to just one person when I could have and deserve as many as I want. And it all being so serious and committed is just no fun. The vows and traditions of marriage are the far opposites of all my beliefs and there's not a single part of the typical structure of marriage that appeals to me.

Hrm, I don't know, I don't think about it... Well, it would have to be someone who:

Knows their place and accepts that marriage doesn't make them my equal or a co-ruler because I will always be superior and the only one worthy of being emperor.

Accepts that it doesn't grant them any ownership over myself, any of my stuff and especially not the world.

Is loyal, obedient, useful and willing to worship me, support me in my goals and assist me in my plans adequately when ordered.

Serves all my needs well, doesn't disrespect me and what I do or seek to change me and will let me keep my freedom without hassle.

Understand it's not something I'd structure my life around and perform commitment to.

Accepts that I'm not the soft mushy lover boy type and not complain about me not giving them the same attention that they're obligated to give me as the emperor of the Eggman Empire, just like everyone else.

If they're good at cooking that's a bonus, though it's hard to beat the expertise of my specially engineered cooking robots.

So really just the same set of rules for any of my lackeys, servants, members of the empire and anyone else. If they're going to be graced by my superior presence, they have to work for it and prove that they can give me what I deserve.

These aren't high standards in the sense that I don't deserve them because I'm the greatest scientific genius and brilliant future ruler of the world, of course. But they're high standards in the sense that I believe it's almost impossible to fulfill in a way that I'm truly most satisfied with.

I want to be treated the way I know I deserve and nothing less and I don't think anyone is equipped enough to be worthy of any of my time and my hand in marriage. Even if they do meet enough of my standards to pique interest, it doesn't last for one reason or another.

That's another reason why I've never been interested in anything long term. I like being able to hit the breaks the second someone has served their purpose or fails to please me anymore, in all types of partnerships. I'm not letting someone tie me down and act like they can remove all ability to do so.

In the very rare cases that they do meet enough of these standards well enough for me to see potential then yes, I will give it a shot. I'm an opportunist when it comes to anything that could possibly benefit and be useful to me in any way, I'd be a fool to let it slip.

Though I can never see it lasting long, especially not long enough to consider marriage. They would have to be very dedicated and continuously prove themself to me. I won't waste my time with anyone who can't prioritize me and give me what I deserve at all times.

Sure there would be the tax benefits too if I decided we could take it to the next level but it's not like I'm strapped for cash or anything, I'm a very successful self-made and business smart man! There are more important ways they could benefit me and if they can't, they're out.

[alicepao13]

A lot of my thoughts about the second episode can be summed up in one phrase:

Why the hell wasn't that the first episode???

But I'll try to go a bit more in depth than that.

I'm sure we've had episodes with more action but this was a dynamic episode. Yeah, Charlie and Rex spent a lot of time being just the two of them again, yadda yadda. I can't keep talking about that after every single episode. In fact, since it's kinda the premise of the show, they could very well turn and call me stupid for assuming it would be centered on the rest of the characters as well. But I should also judge what was in the episode, not only what was missing.

Charlie character backstory in season 6? Okay, I'll take it. Daddy issues isn't something revolutionary (then again, you can't do anything remotely revolutionary in a cop show, much less a cop show that's comes from a previous show) but it's something. It's a character moment. Hopefully, it wasn't just that and we'll see Charlie's father.

The action scenes were nicely shot and very dynamically and made you feel like you were in the middle of the action. Yeah, they used a few too many dutch angles at times (they're not supposed to be used so liberally) but I can forgive that.

I don't have much of an issue with the plot as plot. The script was funny at times, some scenes were heartwarming, it was all pro-military bullshit of course, but it's a cop show and Charlie is a navy brat. I've seen 1,500 episodes of NCIS, I can cope. Even when the military-ish music started playing when Charlie was talking to the female perp (forgot her name and also don't have a better name for the genre of music). Props for them hinting that most vets fall through the cracks after they serve while they need help (this episode also aired 2-3 days after World Mental Health Day, and they did discuss a bit, or well, slightly brushed, the fact that soldiers come back after combat, often traumatized, to a world vastly different than how the military works, and they have trouble adjusting to the real world).

Sarah needing time off to buff up a resume that she makes clear she doesn't need? Do not want. Unless it's setting up some future storyline but it better not be her breakup with Charlie. I'll be honest, I'm on the fence about the lack of Charah. The way this show is being written, it could very well be nothing, so I'm not getting that worked up about it. But as a shipper I'd obviously have liked to have seen scenes with them by now. Especially considering how S5 started. I consider seasons 4 and 5 pretty much equal in quality, for different reasons (season 5 being a constant flat tone in terms of angst and stakes only to show "signs of life" in the end got some negative points for me), but season 6 is not starting off great for a variety of reasons which I will not list here, and I also reserve the right to watch a few more episodes to understand what the heck the new showrunner is doing (Names! I want names! I want to know who I'll be cursing this season. Why don't all shows just put a showrunner credit for fuck's sake?)

Things like getting a bunch of motorbikes, only to make a half assed scene, which wasn't bad but didn't offer much either, in which you also can't make your protagonist do the chase and subsequent stunts (unless you hate him), I don't understand. And let's not forget your other protagonist is a dog. And said dog in another scene is indicating that Charlie needs to be getting back on his own bike? Why would Rex care about that? Is he going to ride with Charlie?

Anyway, while this episode wasn't spectacular, it was on par with a lot of typical crime show episodes. Which is where I put the quality of the Hudson and Rex show overall. Yes, I do like the show and I do pay more attention to it than any other crime show I currently watch (never mind the strikes, I'm talking the last two years at least), but that doesn't mean I consider it revolutionary television. An actual 7/10 episode would be considered a good day for this show, in my opinion. If anyone feels differently, I'd love to talk about it with people who have watched at least a few more crime shows. Because if you don't have something else to compare it to, then you can't compare it to anything.

[redance]

【 shioli kutsuna //. cis woman //. she/her 】 𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠… AKANE MATSUMOTO into The Hub. You are registered to be TWENTY-NINE and have been given citizenship for ALL YOUR LIFE under the Expatriate Act. According to the data compiled, your most notable qualities seem to be AMBITIOUS & CALCULATING. Please confirm that you are CHAOTIC NEUTRAL. From what we’ve gathered your place of employment is currently for the SHABIRU as a GEISHA . We strongly advise that you provide the correct information pertaining to your background to ensure proper safety precautions: are you a _HOST_ or _HUMAN_? A deeper dive into our archive suggests that you are  A PAINTING IN MOTION WITH EVERY GRACEFUL GESTURE ,BALANCING ON THE TIP OF A KNIFE , SKIN BATHED IN HEADY WINE, NEVER-ENDING REINVENTION OF THE SELF. Though we noticed you, too, are similar to LA BELLE OTERO, SALOME, MILADY DE WINTER ( THE THREE MUSKETEERS ) , ACRASIA ( THE FAERIE QUEENE ) ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ ᴠᴇʀɪғɪᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ 100% ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ! Please comply to all regulations and laws. It is our hope that you enjoy your stay. 

FULL NAME: akane matsumoto .

NAME MEANING: akane 茜羽 deep red, matsumoto 松本 base of the pine tree

NICKNAMES: whatever your heart desires, though she is exclusively called just akane . geishas usually only have one stage name.

OCCUPATION :geisha, dancer, actress .

AGE : twenty-nine .

PLACE OF BIRTH : tokyo, japan .

GENDER : cis woman .

LANGUAGES : japanese, korean, mandarin chinese, english .

ETHNICITY: japanese .

DATE OF BIRTH : presumably 5.01.2015 .

ZODIAC : capricorn sun . virgo moon . libra rising

EASTERN ZODIAC: goat™ / ...vintage hermès by jean paul goatier

a girl is nothing until she is everything. adopted and raised by the shabiru clan. was found on a rainy winter morning, with no name. but that's not her tale. not the one she tells nor the one that reverberates in the mouths of all those who know her. if you ask akane, she'll tell you that she comes from a family of former geishas, each one lined up like precious pearls around the necks of japan's most eminent individuals. they danced for emperors, kings and queens, between the offerings and banquets, divine and unattainable, fated to be remembered.

elegance is her first language. they knew it from the start — how she kept her back straight and perfectly positioned her hands, even as a child. 'she could be something deadly', they whispered. 'but she'll also be something beautiful.' she was taught how to hold a blade in one hand and a book of poems in the other, used of course as a counterbalance, for both were of equal use when wielded correctly. when the rest of the nins went to sleep, she danced, painted and played an array of instruments, each one more complicated than the last.

when they speak of salome, tell them she wasn't always like this. she never found a mother in any of the women of the shabiru clan, but she loved and was beloved, truly, irreversibly, and madly, by one of their former geishas — thus akane even served as a maiko by this woman's side. greatly favoured by the aforementioned geisha, akane was weaned on attention and grew up to be rather competitive and emulous, yet in spite of her cruel ambition, she knew when to show mercy too; perhaps it was an innate trait, or even an echo of her true spirit.

anything that you can do, she can do it better. was an apprentice for four years and made her debut as a geiko upon turning eighteen. if there's one thing that rings true is that she never knew how to concede — she would bite and scratch and walk forward even when her feet and hands were battered and bruised and oozing blood; watch her dance, in a pool of crimson, in a pool of red, until there's nothing left but the emptiness.

a rose flung into a room, all hue and scent. she's held her tenure for almost eleven years now, and during this time, she's managed to reach the very top of the ladder. at least in terms of her profession. now, she dances and smiles, points a finger at any traitorous man, amating them with an idle laugh. watch her give contour and grace and style to discord and disarray. between heaven and abyss, only she exists.

TRIVIA.

the closest thing to a celebrity or an idol. is a woman of great prestige. she's well-known and adored by many, but unlike most celebrities, akane, as a geisha, exclusively entertains selected individuals and not the public. army candy of many— but ultimately belongs to no one.

at the moment, she isn't employed at a specific location, but rather can be seen wherever one needs/invites her. it's worth noting that she's quite expensive, high-in-demand and selective. it adds an air of mystery to her persona.

she's had many loyal patrons over the years, some that according to rumors she accepted as lovers, but those are all just speculations. however, there is one theory that could back up this claim — people whisper that a certain design/part of a hotel in the city was modeled after her breasts, especially when you look at it from the side. apparently, an architect fell in love with her and decided to immortalize her in this way. akane never confirmed nor denied it.

lives a very decadent life, greatly due to her patrons. jewelry, expensive materials, lavish food and drinks, she can just glance at it, and they'll get it for her.

notoriously bathes in high-priced wine and sake. not always, and certainly not as often as she tells people, but it's nice to soak in someone's yearly paycheck. i mean what. she does also sell her bath water, so if you don't agree, look the other way.

she performs at weddings, high-end events, holds tea ceremonies, and can be booked privately, be it for more or just one individual.

most notably, akane invented 'the red dance'. it's her own take on the jiuta mai, with some modern influence. it's intricate, thought-provoking and takes months to learn. perfected it by dancing in the rain without getting the lower part of her kimono wet. she's dressed in red from head to toe whenever she performs it.

emulates salome in many aspects. while she is trained and skilled in martial arts, akane much prefers to play the coy part and have others point their blades and bring her body parts of anyone who has wronged her.

at the moment, does mostly spy work and brings information back to the shabiru. her current involvement with them is veiled in a thick layer of secrecy, so unless someone's a member of their clan, they won't know much about her, other than what she wants them to think. this of course, may be subject to change in the future.

stared in a couple of films, at the behest, once again of her patrons. they were mostly minor roles, but after all, it's only another way to gain more notoriety.

whatever hides beneath all these layers of lies could be something ugly, but a journey of self-discovery still awaits her. she wants to believe that she's capable of something more.

PLOTS.

all jumbled up together but here we go i. a person who got to know akane on a deeper level. how and why can definitely be discussed but with them there's no need to perform. she gets to be herself, without all the makeup and lavish kimonos. ii. of course people that she's spying on or trying to get some intel on them. iii. regular clients who always come back, regardless of their reason. perhaps they want to discuss poetry, drink tea, or simply talk about their day. akane will listen as long as she's getting paid. when the cards decline, it's time for you to go. iv. higher-ups who believe that she's on their side or that they can win her over and have her come to their faction. she'd love to see the effort. v. perhaps the greatest sin of all would be to leave this world without having loved. things are already complicated, but why not make it even worse. they can always try, they can always fail. what is it about love that makes it so fatal? vi. some mutual dislike or perhaps it just comes from their side. maybe they're not buying her story fully, so they're trying to find more. vii. listen, she's been everywhere. you're bound to run into her at some point. so there could be people who know her from much earlier times, back when she was just starting out. viii. fans, patrons of her work. love it when things get a little obsessive. ix. someone who got exposed or will be exposed because of her. so much more! i'm always here to entertain crazy ideas.

[princesssarisa]

What are your favorite romantic tropes in love stories?

Good question. This requires some thought...

I generally like slow-burn and friends-to-lovers, including childhood friends-to-lovers. Dislike-to-friendship-to love is fine, as are characters who like each other but feign dislike because they're too proud or afraid to admit it (e.g. Beatrice and Benedick), but full-blown enemies-to-lovers (i.e. people who are dangerous to each other) I don't care for. What matters is that there be warmth, tenderness, joy, preferably humor, and understanding between them.

That said, I enjoy classic fairy tale Love At First Sight in the right context, as well as grand, sweeping Romantic passion, just as long as it's handled in a way that feels sincere, not shallow or caricatured.

I like couples whose personalities contrast with each other in complimentary ways, but also couples who have qualities in common that most other people around them don't share. For the best couples, both of these things are true.

I also insist (for the most part) on egalitarian pairings with mutual respect, mutual feelings, and mutual power in the relationship. If one partner has more power in terms of status, wealth, or other external factors, then the other has to equal it with the emotional power she wields (or sometimes he, but usually she). Equal character development on both sides is good too, and a good balance between that development and acceptance of each other, flaws and all. While I love Disney's Beauty and the Beast, I do slightly dislike the fact that the character development is so one-sided, with the Beast changing so much more than Belle does, and he changes so much that I have asked myself sometimes if Belle really loves him or if she just loves a role she's taught him to play. And part of what makes Pride and Prejudice so good a love story (at least to me) is the balance it strikes: despite pop culture misremembering it as a "woman changes man" story, Elizabeth and Darcy are both flawed and both change, yet both keep the same core personalities they always had, and both stay imperfect (improved, but imperfect), yet come together anyway.

I like "jaded and innocent" pairings too. Not necessarily "grumpy and ray of sunshine," but someone who's had a hard life that's left them cynical about the world and about their own place in it, paired with a younger and more idealistic person who unexpectedly helps them rediscover their own inner idealism, and who sees the goodness in them that they had lost sight of in themselves. I especially like these parings when the jaded partner is a woman, though the more common pairing of "innocent girl, jaded guy" is fine too.

For that matter, I always like couples that subvert gender stereotypes; I adore strong women and emotional men. One trope that's sometimes especially therapeutic for me is when a woman adores her male love interest, but values other things (her responsibilities, her morals, her loyalty to other women, etc.) just as much, if not slightly more, while to him, personal relationships are everything, particularly the love he shares with her. They have to somehow resolve this difference, which preferably they do without teaching her to prioritize her man above everything. I enjoy this because more often, we see it in reverse: to the woman, love is everything, but to her man, love is just one aspect of life, and other duties matter more to him than she does. I think my desire to invert this trope is part of why I've written a gender-bent version of The Magic Flute. Let the girl be the one who sets out to find romantic love, but then finds a bigger community and calling, and let the boy be the one who temporarily gets pushed aside (until they finally unite as one in the end) for a change!

An element of rock-solid loyalty is also a plus. I don't care much for on-and-off romance arcs. Which isn't to say that I only ship couples who are perfectly functional. Far from it! But I like a sense of "even if we fight, even if we say terrible things to each other, even if you hurt me or we hurt each other, I'm not giving up on you; or even if I do leave, I still care about you and I don't want you to suffer." This is one thing I like about Heathcliff and Cathy from Wuthering Heights, that lets me see a sublime beauty in their love amidst the toxicity: neither one would ever dream of permanently ending their relationship (though tragically, neither fully realizes this about the other until it's too late), and while they sometimes say terrible things to and about each other, they don't do terrible things to each other. I'll die on the hill that in the book, Heathcliff marries Isabella for her inheritance to spite Edgar, not to hurt Cathy, because Cathy knows he doesn't love Isabella and he knows she knows. They care more about each other's wellbeing than pop culture thinks they do.

To me, nothing is sexier than when a couple cares about each other's wellbeing; that's what love should be. I loathe seeing selfish, possessive love glorified just because it's "passionate." Support, generosity, empathy, sacrifices... those are things I like.

I hope this wasn't too much of a novel.

[yuniemaki]

On beiguang, yin/yang symbolism and the blessed dragon/fenghuang pairing

The Beidou x Ningguang ship in Genshin is heavily inspired by two main symbols in Chinese culture: Yin and yang, and the dragon and fenghuang pairing. In this essay (literally) I will deep-dive into the nuances of these two symbols that make this ship so complex and enthralling to me at least?!

Yin/Yang

Let’s talk a bit about the concept of duality in Chinese cosmology. Yin and Yang are complementary forces that interact together to represent duality and balance in all aspects, i.e a shadow (Yin) cannot exist without light (Yang).

Yin and yang are always opposite and equal qualities. Whenever one quality reaches its peak, it will naturally begin the transformation into the opposite quality: for example, a flower that blooms in spring (fully Yang) will wither and die back in winter (fully Yin) in an endless cycle.

This can be applied to all cyclic events in life, for example the rise and fall of things: Yang being the rise and yin being the fall. Creation (Yang) and entropy (Yin) are also two sides of the same coin. 

阴 Yin can be translated in several ways: the moon, concealed, overcast, hidden, shade. Generally, it represents the direction North.

The character 阴 can be broken down into two components:

The radical 阝, the graphical variant of 阜, meaning “mound, abundant, rich”, 

and the character 月, meaning “moon”.

阳 Yang can be translated as, male, the sun, overt, belonging to this world, activity. Generally, it represents the direction South.

The character 阳 can also be broken down into two components:

The radical 阝, the graphical variant of 阜, meaning “mound, abundant, rich”, 

and the character 日, meaning “sun”.

The terms “male” and “female” here don’t refer to gender specifically and are used very loosely – the Chinese believe in “feminine”/”negative” and “masculine”/”positive” energy as two halves of a whole, i.e. both must exist for balance to be. Neither can thrive without the other.

An interesting thing to note about Yin/Yang’s entomology is the way this phrase is written in Chinese. Chinese linguistics typically plac the “male”/”positive” energy first in the language, e.g. 男女, man-woman, and 天地, heaven and earth.

But in yinyang, 阴阳, the “female”/”negative” energy comes first. Scholars theorise that proto-Chinese society was perhaps matriarchal (Empress Dowager being more powerful than the Emperor), or that it was a way to challenge existing cultural preconceptions.

Dragon/Fenghuang

In Chinese mythology, the dragon and fenghuang are the two most powerful celestial symbols. The dragon represents "Yang" while the fenghuang represents "Yin”. 

The Chinese dragon is traditionally drawn without wings. Oftentimes it may be depicted together with a flaming pearl under its chin or in its talons. The pearl is associated with spiritual energy, wisdom, prosperity, power, immortality, thunder (electro!), or the moon.

The fenghuang is sometimes referred to as the “Chinese phoenix”, but it has a completely different mythos to the Western legends of rebirth and fire.

The fenghuang is a peace-loving celestial being that is believed to only appear in places blessed with the utmost prosperity and happiness. It is said to live atop the Kunlun Mountains, the Chinese version of Mount Olympus.

Together, the dragon/fenghuang pairing is known as the celestial pairing. The fenghuang is a symbol of luck, prosperity, and success; the dragon is a symbol of status and power. The two are said to strengthen each other when paired. Their union is a symbol of matrimonial bliss and more importantly - balance. 

Balance is a recurring theme in Beiguang, from Ningguang’s life and philosophy to Beidou’s (reluctant) admission that Ningguang balances her (more on that later when we deep dive into them individually).

It’s also worth noting that in some areas, the dragon/fenghuang symbol only appears to herald a new era - very much like what Liyue is going through now, heralding a new era of humans without an Archon’s guidance. And how fitting is it that the two most powerful women in Liyue now carry this symbol as they lead the nation into uncharted waters?

How Beiguang parallels Yin/Yang

The duality of Yin/Yang is visible in many aspects of life, from nature to society. One example is the sun moving across the sky. As the sun moves across the sky, things that are once illuminated (Yang) give way to shadow (Yin), revealing what was hidden, and hiding what was revealed.

Similarly, it represents the crux of Beidou and Ningguang’s relationship: infamously public yet ultimately secretive. The Captain and Tianquan talk about each other all the time, but what exactly is their deal? No one really knows.

Another example is their prized homes. The Jade Chamber is known to block out the moon over Liyue, yet is iconic in its skies – literally seen as the moon. It is passive in nature, still and motionless, and is also the epicentre of intelligence - aka covert activity. All these are symbols of Yin. 

Now we don’t know exactly where True North is in Teyvat’s map, but Polaris, the North Star, has always been known as a fixed point in the sky, which is why sailors use it to navigate their way home.

Similarly, the Jade Chamber is this fixed point in the sky of Teyvat that could be used as a “North Star” to return to Liyue Harbour. North is, after all, the direction that Yin represents.

I digress a little here, but also consider that Beidou is the Chinese name of the Big Dipper, the very constellation used to point sailors towards Polaris. We know from Beidou’s namecard that she believes in looking to the skies when she wavers, and “the stars shall light the way”.

There’s a poetic beauty in the Jade Chamber being representative of Liyue’s Polaris, and Beidou finding her way back to her “North Star'' each time the Alcor sails for home. 

Back on topic. In contrast, the Alcor on the other hand, is constantly moving and full of activity. It sails across the oceans; it is a symbol of power much like Beidou herself is (slayer of Haishan, Beidou tames the seas). 

And just like the sun, the Alcor docks and leaves Liyue Harbour - a reflection of how only the sun travels across the sky, illuminating different sides of the moon that patiently waits for light to be cast upon its surface (again, something we’ll return to later).

Water itself can also be separated into Yin (still bodies, lakes) and Yang (moving water, river, ocean). The Jade Chamber is home to still bodies of water (Yin symbol) both inside and out; the Alcor’s very home is the ocean, a powerful Yang water symbol.

Ningguang and Yin/fenghuang symbolism

Alright, let’s deep-dive into Ningguang’s character first. Her strongest fenghuang link is seen mainly in her namecard, and it carries a lovely name:

凝光・凤仪 (Níngguāng - Fèngyí): the admiration/ceremony/rites of the fenghuang

The duality of the fenghuang

What’s interesting about the fenghuang is its duality: in ancient times, the fenghuang was a cohesive yin/yang symbol on its own. Over time when the dragon came into the picture, the fenghuang was altered. When paired with the dragon, it now symbolises Yin. But alone, it symbolises Yang instead.

And that’s why Ningguang’s storied history reflects elements of Yin/Yang balance. She rises (Yang) to power by herself; she retreats from the public eye, hiding (Yin) in the Jade Chamber, yet she is known to publicly flaunt (Yang) her position as a member of the Liyue Qixing.

The diverse nature of the fenghuang and its original symbolism as balance in and of itself contributes to Ningguang’s enigmatic nature, and why she has so many seemingly contradictory opinions - fame being usually associated with Yang, yet secrets being more of Yin.

When the dragon/Yang is not there, the fenghuang shines, becoming the “sun”/Yang - Ningguang is, after all, the de-facto leader of Liyue at this point. She has the awe and the attention of the masses, her chamber is unmissable, she is a ruthless business mogul yet adored by the children like an elder sister. 

The parts of a fenghuang

It's also interesting to note that the fenghuang's body parts represent Ningguang's character well: 

virtue (head), 

duty (wings), 

propriety (back), 

credibility (abdomen), 

and mercy (chest).

Beidou and Yang/dragon symbolism

Perhaps the most obvious link between Beidou and the dragon is her Chinese title: 无冕的龙王 Wúmiǎn de Lóngwáng - “Uncrowned King of Dragons”.

She is specifically given the title “King”/王wáng instead of “Queen”/女王Nǚwáng - masculine energy being a strong Yang quality.

A symbol of Yang quality

Unlike the fenghuang, the Chinese dragon has always been a representation of Yang, which is why Beidou’s character very clearly represents the quintessence of Yang: well-liked, respected, reputed, masculine (in her feats - slaying Haishan, leading a pirate fleet, taming the seas), always on the move, never on land for long.

Traditionally, the dragon has always symbolised power and confidence. The Chinese dragon is the ruler of water and weather, especially moving bodies of water such as the sea, which might suggest why Beidou is able to navigate the sea so very well, to the point that her crew “believe her capable of taming the storms and billows on the sea.” 

She also “understands” the sea almost intimately, as seen in her CN voiceline “About us: an eye for people”:

“I’m good at reading people. When you’ve seen the wide ocean, the little splashes (changes) on people’s faces are just too easy to understand. Haha, so, I noticed you from the start.”

Beidou refers to the “changes on people’s faces” as “小水花/splashes (of water)”, implying that once you learn to read the sea (often known as a cruel mistress), people become easy to read in comparison. And to read the sea, you observe. You study every wave, every detail, so you can understand her subtleties. 

Despite being a pirate, Beidou’s dragon-symbolic traits show up in her honourable personality, her ability to command the loyalty of her crew, and her commitment to helping the less fortunate.

The dragon's history

Initially, the dragon was benevolent, wise and just, but the introduction of Buddhism added malevolent influence to the dragons. Water can raise and water can destroy. So dragons became able to destroy through floods, tsunamis and storms. 

Similarly, that could also be why Beidou, although symbolising the dragon, was also named to be a cursed child – perhaps a tribute to the dragon’s newfound duality.

Yin/Yang Symbolism in relation to Beiguang

Okay, we’ve got that all down, so now we can study Beiguang in the context of Yin/Yang and dragon/fenghuang symbolisms. Remember the bit earlier about how the sun is the only celestial body to travel across the sky in astrologers’ eyes, illuminating different sides of the moon? 

Present-day Ningguang resides in Liyue Harbour and (as far as we know) rarely leaves the nation. Beidou comes and goes as the sun rises and falls, and it is with her return that we have been seeing different facets of Ningguang come alive under the light of the sun (Yang). 

Ningguang has a voiceline in particular titled “About Us: Observing”. There is one key difference in the CN version of this voiceline, which I’ll translate:

“You’ve followed me for so long, (I’m sure) you’ve learned how to observe. Then, try to observe me, until you become my trusted confidant.” 

She asks Traveler to observe her. But what can you observe in the obscured until it is illuminated? Who illuminates her beyond the Tianquan that the masses know? 

Most of the key Liyue events in 2021 featuring Ningguang, Archon Quest aside, have also featured Beidou in some capacity. And we learn the most about Ningguang from and through Beidou, like how Yang casts light on and reveals what was previously hidden (Yin). 

Romantic gestures aside, their business relationship is also reflective of the dragon/fenghuang motif. Now the dragon symbolises the Chinese Emperor, known as a descendent of the celestial dragons, and the fenghuang symbolises the Empress. To be more specific, the fenghuang represents "power sent from the heavens'' to the Empress. 

This brings me back to the way Yinyang is written: female first. 

Traditionally although the empress dowager (Yin, fenghuang) supposedly holds more power than the Emperor (Yang, dragon), she works from the shadows, often more covertly. For all intents and purposes, the emperor has the final say. Similarly, Ningguang uses Beidou to do her dirty work.

Yin/Yang - two halves of a whole

Beiguang is essentially a perfectly balanced couple, and the game alludes to this in various ways. One is this interaction between Paimon and Beidou during Moonchase, after Ningguang and Beidou have their little squabble in front of the giant rock and all their friends:

The idiom she uses for "evenly-matched" (势均力敌) is usually used in context of a game/polls/tournament/etc. If you break down the etymology, it literally means "power/influence are equal (in a situation), (so our) strengths match".

Reminder that yin and yang are not just equals - they are also opposite qualities. Life and death, light and darkness, rise and fall. This is why Beidou and Ningguang “profess antipathy to each other’s way of life”, and yet they are united for Liyue’s greater good. They are the direct opposites of each other (law vs crime, elegance vs boorish, luxurious vs simple, light vs dark), but they are also equals. 

And Ningguang values this very much -

“Of the many candidates available, she picked Beidou.” 

She values time as her greatest resource, making businessmen bid for her time - but Beidou is given the permission to “come up any time” for a game of chess. 

All that said, their yin/yang dynamic is not new in Chinese romance stories. Off the top of my head, the titular characters of C-drama Who Rules The World essentially share the same Yin/Yang dynamic as Beiguang does. It’s a lovely trope that adds great complexity to character dynamics.

I do love how hyv has interwoven the dragon/fenghuang symbolisms deep into their lives however, such that Ningguang and Beidou both live and breathe the cultural symbols that they are inspired by, rather than letting it simply be a romantic trope. 

Beiguang nation, this be my first gift to you. Hope it’s been a fun read! Next up: GINKGOS.

Beiguang masterlist

[raayllum]

Do you think that I’m season 5 we’ll find out why Rayla came back. I mean she kinda just showed up. Also, do you think some traumatic thing happened to her? If so, what do you think it was?

Given that S5 is likely going to be Ocean and Callum by the end of S4 has going through his initial block and will likely be way more willing to talk / expressly want answers in S5, I think so, yeah!

Also yes, I 100% think that something traumatic happened to Rayla during her time away, if not a few things. Keep in mind that everything she’d been through from S1-S3 and TTM — turning against Runaan, almost losing her hand, almost losing Callum, almost dying times like five, being Ghosted by everyone, the nightmares and PTSD, etc — were not enough to take away her core ‘saviour complex’ (for lack of a better term) that she had in early S1 and all the way through S3. 

Now, in S4, we see she’s shut that part of her down - eerily reminiscent of the way Callum has heavily emotionally repressed his own ability to feel. For any other character, leaving the drake in the forest wouldn’t be out of character (Callum and Ezran were both willing to, ultimately, in 2x07 after all) but it is a massive shift for Rayla in particular, and that feels purposeful.

We know, bare minimum, she was travelling entirely on her own for at least six months if not maybe a full year, since Stella is still a baby in an almost teething like stage of comfort, gnawing, and cuddles. Real life human babies start teething around 6-12 months, for example, and other animals even younger, so she’s on the early stage in Rayla’s life, absolutely

So I have one to like, five factors I think could have heavily played a part

The initial isolation of 6+ months and being on her own heavily wore her down and was a new experience for her, since Rayla had never been that alone before, always travelling with her troupe and then the boys. I doubt her nightmares about Callum suddenly vanished when she did, lol, so that’s another layer too

Possibly a near death experience or drowning, whether accidentally or in an attempt of saving someone, would likely deeply rattle her given her history. This could be what inspired her to come home. Oneshot pending

There was someone Rayla could not successfully save, and they asked her for a TW mercy killing. She did it, meaning she knows Aaravos isn’t assessment of her isn’t entirely accurate even if it’s still true about Viren. This would mean she killed someone she 1) didn’t want to and 2) wasn’t even her target. Also oneshot pending

Rayla possibly ran into the Bloodmoon Huntress, a dangerous Moonshadow villain from her childhood named Kim’Dael, resulting in one of the two aforementioned options

Compounded by everything or nothing, an emotionally and physically exhausted Rayla decides to throw herself into actually trying to Move On and Let Go for the first time, and knows the first step there is going back to Katolis to face the music

The same way Rayla coming back to Katolis forces Callum to stop emotionally repressing everything he was feeling about her and thereby get back to being more genuinely and wholly himself (which is going to be very important considering possession is about being stripped of autonomy and identity in equal measure!!), I think Callum is going to help Rayla restore herself back to the heroic selfless figure she was, but in a healthier way than ever before. It won’t surprise me if Rayla doubles down in future seasons on a self-destructive route (possibly in S5 depending on how the coin plot goes) now that she’s tried to let go and failed, but she’s also lost some of what made her selflessness a good quality - and they’ve always been heavily tied to each other’s identity and having an ultimately positive, if sometimes painfully transformative, impact on each other

[infinityyrp]

ROLEPLAY PARTNER NEEDED! 11-2-23

In search of a long term, flexible, consistent roleplay partner.

21+. I'm in my late twenties so I need someone that can match my energy and not be childish and ghost for no good reason.

I write in third person or first person. Either or, I try to match my partners with everything they give.

I'm looking for the Fandom Teen Wolf— I wouldn't mind discussing original plots and characters though, if you're completely OPEN to alot of different things.

I prefer the female role, I've been burned far too many times in the past with doubling. Some people in the roleplay community really lack the ability to play equally.

I will be open to doubling up if you give each side the same attention. Keep in mind if you don't, I'll match your energy with your side, and eventually let you go.

I'm looking for someone to play Derek Hale and Scott McCall against my female OC.

I can play anyone from the Fandom, but Stiles Stilinski and Isaac Lahey are my specialty.

Please be comfortable with all aspects of drama. I have little to no limits but will respect your triggers, though some things might be a deal breaker. Your IRL morals shouldn't be effected by a fictional story— (R*pe, suicide, abuse is completely understandable though and I'd never hold that against you!) I'm talking more along the lines of, IF you don't like kids and shit in a rp, cheating, love triangles, etc. Then I'm probably not the partner for you. I have enough fluff in my daily life, I don't want the same for my rp life LOL. Consistent romance/vanilla stiff gets boring for me.. at least on my end. But if that's what you prefer for YOUR SIDE. I'll do it all the time. But the same effort better be reciprocated for my side when it comes to drama otherwise we won't be compatible.

I'll respect your reasonable limits/triggers.

My limits are — Bathroom play, incest (This is negotiable!) and deep pedophilia. (Won't do anything under 17.)

My OCs are people of color and considered plus sized in society's eyes.

I'm LGBTQ friendly.

I'm POC friendly.

I hope we can be friends outside of roleplay.

I prefer female partners, I've had bad experiences with Males in the past.

I'm married and a mom so my personal life comes first, however I send multiple replies a day and want someone on the same wave length as me when it comes to rapid fire/replying a few times a day.

I understand life happens though abd at that point, communication is key.

I'm not ghost friendly, we're grown, communicate so we can part ways cordially.

I'm in other Fandoms, just ask and we'll discuss it.

Discord is my preferred method of communication/ roleplay.

I make organized servers and use Tupperbox.

Please don't be afraid to reach out, I promise I'm very friendly and easy going!

My writing style is 2-3 paragraphs, I'm all about quality over quantity, but I won't accept anything less than 2 paragraphs, and most of the time I write until nitro kicks in.

If you've made it this far, great!

Hope to hear from you soon!

My timezone is GMT-5.

My discord information:

Infinityyrp