#it's been days since i listened to that episode but i am still Stressed Out

[navree]

i will say, john apparently having memory issues is genuinely putting me in arthur's headspace in a way nothing else has yet because i feel blind now too. i can't trust john's descriptions as factual, i can't know that we don't really know who noel is and that he's just a newcomer (and harlan voicing literally every character doesn't help at all), i can't even have a firm idea of what's going on, because the person i'm relying on to be my narrator, the same person arthur's relying on to be his eyes, is demonstrably no longer reliable (and for me as a listener it's actually worse cuz unlike arthur i know john's lying about something and that he's got an ulterior motive due to his deal with kayne that arthur is entirely unaware of). it's very good, and it also creates a sense of unease and dread which is good for a horror podcast.

[happylikeasadsong]

syd x carmy in season three

i’m back here cause i have way too much to say than it can fit on thread on twt

this is just what i could come up after sitting on s3 for the past few days, i was spiralling, it was bad.

this will be a long one, so settle in!

for me, regardless if this season was supposed to be a two parter or not, one thing that’s clear to me is that we were meant to watch this rupture in their relationship develop throughout the season.

listen, he was locked in that freezer for hours, and in those hours he spiraled beyond control. we can’t expect sydcarmy to have the same dynamic as the past seasons cause they’re not in the same place they were before. Carmy locked in the walk-in changed him and therefore, changed their dynamic too.

he promised syd in the first episode that he was never gonna leave her alone again, but in his fucked up mind, this means never let her make a solo decision when is comes to the menu, is having him make all the decisions himself and have the last say and change her every input. For him, this is how he honours his promise and for syd is how he makes her feel under appreciated and undermined.

he makes it look like it doesn’t matter what she does, as great as it is, he’ll always change it and make it about him. the decision of having her as a partner takes her by surprise cause they have never discussed it, he dumps all of these things on her, first thing in the morning, she can wrap her mind around the fact that’s that same guy she left a few hours before. He’s completely changed.

And though she tries to at least get on board and support his non-negotiables list and the menu changing every day and all the bullshit with richie, by “doors” she’s already exhausted of trying to keep up with him, tired of being his babysitter.

so when that new opportunity is presented to her, she actually considers it because it’s a way out of working in a stress free environment where she has full creative control to shape the new place as she sees fit (also the pay and benefits?? I’d be signing that shit right there lmao). It really is an incredible opportunity.

so yeah, i feel like we were meant to see how they crack under pressure and this was something chris storer had said in interviews before when talking about s2 on how hard it is to open a restaurant and keep it running once you do. he always wanted to explore the gritty stuff and I felt like he accomplished that in this season.

from a narrative standpoint, at some point we had to see syd and carmy’s partnership is put to test, we need to see what falling out to the point of almost no return looks for them in order to see how they are gonna find their way back to each other. and i can’t see a better time to do it than now.

it can feel hopeless, yes, and feel like they’re not gonna make it to the finish line, but let’s remember this is a story about finding new ways to reconnect to the things/ people you love, found family and generational trauma.

we see carmy is at his lowest, sydney is at her lowest, so logically the only way we can get to is up.

i believe that after carmy confronted his abusive boss, he had some sort of breakthrough from the way he sighed after their talk. i took it as his way of beginning to process his trauma.

as for sydney, we saw how deeply the idea of leaving has affected her, even though she knows is for a better place where her ideas will be respected and appreciated they way she knows it deserves. hopefully her panic attack will be enough to make her realize she needs help making the decision (if she can’t have her best friend and partner for this, then she’ll have her dad).

all of this to say that i am hopeful and excited to see what’s coming next year, and i truly believe sydcarmy is on the right path (this is a slow burn doing slow burn things ffs). We can’t let go just when things gets interesting. im dying to see their big fight, it’s something I’ve been needing since s2.

they’re still soulmates (after we saw the invisible string scene, there’s no going back) and they had significant scenes this season too, just not the way ppl thought it would be.

let’s have them work it out on the remix

[visorforavisor]

as an Irish (we don’t call it “Gaelic”, ever) speaker and a Sunny fan, I thought it would be fun to do a bit of a post about the Irish-language scene in The Gang’s Still in Ireland, because it’s not a scene I see widely discussed but I adore it.

some background. I am not a native Gaeilgeoir (Irish speaker) — my first language is English — but I started learning it age five and have always had very high grades in it and a huge love for it. I was hugely excited about Charlie Kelly being able to read Irish in the previous episode, and even more so when he turned out to be able to speak it.

Colm Meaney, the actor who plays Shelley Kelly, grew up in Ireland and as such would have learned Irish throughout his time in school. (this has been required by law more or less since Irish independence, and it was already quite common before that. nowadays, you can get exemptions for things like dyslexia but otherwise you have to do it.) this is clear in his ease with the language. (I will do a post about where in Ireland Shelley lives at some point, because there aren’t many areas where Irish is the principal language, but that is for another day!) both the actor and the character have easy and good Irish.

Charlie Day, as an Italian-American, obviously does not actually speak the language and presumably learned the lines as a bunch of gibberish sounds. (nonetheless, some of his pronunciations do suggest he had the words written down non-phonetically too.) his delivery of the lines is god damn amazing. Charlie Kelly’s Irish is not remotely American-accented. if I heard someone speaking Irish like that, I’d assume they sounded Irish when speaking English. he doesn’t even sound neutral in Irish; he does actively have an accent (the word choices are more non-regional, not pointing to any of the three distinct dialects, but this makes sense as the same is true of Shelley’s Irish). his pronunciation is so on point and his accent is seriously just a delight to listen to. that’s serious effort to have been put in by an American in a show that routinely makes fun of Irish-Americans! I cannot stress enough how cool it is to see my national language like this and how good a job he does.

as a side note, Charlie Kelly finding Irish much easier to read than English makes total sense! he clearly has dyslexia, as well as intellectual disabilities and autism, so literacy being tricky is totally fair, but is probably being made worse in English by how much of a god damn ridiculous illogical irregular mess the language is. English has around two hundred irregular verbs, and that’s before we even begin to consider the irregularity of its spelling. Irish has eleven irregular verbs, multiple of which are only irregular in one tense. its spelling is entirely consistent and, once the rules are known, any word (pretty much) can be flawlessly pronounced from reading it or flawlessly spelled from hearing it. (I promise Irish names make sense. just not if you try to use English rules on them. the languages are very different!) Irish is one of the most regular languages out there.

so, I thought I’d go through the actual scene. I’m going to put each line, the direct translation, the subtitle provided, and a comment. hopefully this will be interesting to someone other than me!

·—·

“is mise do pheannchara, a Charlie.” (Shelley)

direct translation: “I’m your pen pal, Charlie.”

subtitle provided: “I’m your pen pal, Charlie.”

okay, so they translate “pen pal” two different ways in this scene. the first, used here, is “peannchara”. this is a compound word, much like all those long words you get in German. it’s a perfectly good choice given there is no one standard choice for translating that concept.

“tá brón orm, ach ní thuigim cad atá ráite agat. is féidir liom gibberish a léamh, ach ní féidir liom í a labhairt.” (Charlie)

direct translation: “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand what you’ve said. I’m able to read gibberish, but I’m not able to speak it.”

subtitle provided: “I’m sorry. I don’t understand what you just said. I read gibberish, but I don’t speak it.”

I would slightly disagree with the subtitles here. the “just” bit isn’t expressed at all. in fact, there is no Irish equivalent to that word, and we often just use the English one in the middle of an Irish sentence because of this. however, I expect that RCG (Rob McElhenney, Charlie Day, Glenn Howerton) wrote the subtitles and then handed them to an Irish translator, in which case the translator did a perfectly good job. a couple of notes about the use of “gibberish” here. I love it. firstly, we totally do drop English words into sentences like that. secondly, I really like the choice to use the feminine form of “it” here (that is, to make “gibberish” a feminine noun). all languages except English are feminine nouns in Irish as a rule, so it’s just a lovely detail calling back to the fact that Charlie thinks of it as the gibberish language. also, Charlie Day really does absolutely nail that voiceless velar fricative (the consonant sound in “ach”, as in Scottish “loch” or any number of German words), a sound even many natively English-speaking Irish people are lazy about. good on him.

“níl aon ciall le sin. sé á labhairt anois!” (Shelley)

direct translation: “there’s no sense to that. it’s being spoken now!”

subtitle provided: “that doesn’t make any sense. you’re speaking it now!”

I adore the phrasing of the first sentence here. thoroughly authentic. there are much more obvious ways to phrase it, but this is absolutely what a native speaker might go with. same goes for the second, actually. Colm Meaney says the second line in a sort of shortened way (same idea as how we might turn “do not” into “don’t”) so I’ve struggled slightly with how to directly translate it. interestingly, Shelley categorises “gibberish” as a masculine noun here, but this isn’t really wrong since it doesn’t have an official grammatical gender due to not being an actual Irish word. just a little odd. also, to fit better to the subtitle of the second sentence, I personally would’ve gone with “tá sé á labhairt agat anois” rather than “tá sé á labhairt anois” (the full version of what Shelley says), as this includes the information of by whom it is being spoken.

“’s é mo dheartháir mo chara pinn.” (Charlie)

direct translation: “it’s my brother that’s my pen pal.”

subtitle provided: “but my pen pal is my brother.”

firstly, to be clear, the nuance of the sentence structure here is not captured in either of the above translations because there simply is not an English equivalent to it. secondly, Charlie uses a contraction here by shortening “is é mo dheartháir mo chara pinn”. super cool. also, there’s that other translation of “pen pal”! this one is “cara pinn”, which uses the Irish genitive case (the word mutates instead of using an equivalent of the English word “of”; this case also exists in other languages including Swedish, German, Latin, and Greek). I like this translation very much too. both work! Charlie Day again delivers this line really nicely, even stressing the word for “brother” (and pronouncing its initial consonant mutation absolutely gorgeously)! I am truly very impressed.

“níl aon fhírinne le sin, a mhic. ’s é do chara pinn… d’athair.” (Shelley)

direct translation: “there’s no truth to that, son. it’s your pen pal who is… your father.”

subtitle given: “no son. your pen pal is your… father.”

so, I really disagree with the first sentence of the subtitles here. it works, but also misses a lot of the beautiful nuance that could have been got. I would have gone with “that’s not true, son” or, more likely, “that’s not right, son”. I also disagree with the placement of the ellipsis in the second sentence, as you see (and my frustrations in translating this sentence structure to English continue, as well). however I like the use of “a mhic” (“son”) here, very much. this is a mutated form of “mac”, meaning “son” (yes, as in all of those Irish surnames; they all just basically say who the person is the son of). it carries both meanings that exist in English: an actual son, but also the use of the word as an affectionate way to refer to any man younger than the (usually male) speaker. this is a really nice choice.

·—·

so, yeah! those are my thoughts. feel free to ask any questions you like. I love this scene so much. as well as the reasons above about how good the translation and delivery is, I also love two other main things about this.

firstly, the level of dignity given to the language. Sunny makes fun of Irish-Americans all the time, but doesn’t really do the same to Irish people from Ireland, which I like (I do also wanna talk about Mac and Charlie as members of the Irish diaspora because it is so so interesting, but that is for another day). Irish as a language is not often given dignity, especially in American or English media, so I really love that it isn’t the butt of the joke here.

secondly, that such a significant scene is delivered through this language. just wonderful. after fourteen and a half series, we finally discover the biological father, and the scene cannot be separated from this beautiful language. it just is so perfect.

RCG, and of course Charlie Day in particular, we Gaeilgeoirí (Irish speakers) thank you! our little language made it to the screens of so many people around the world.

I hope this was interesting haha.

·—·

edits: fixed some things I mistyped.

[finelinevogue]

the weather starting to get cold so they sleep in or making fortress in the living room watching movies drinking hot chocolate while cuddling under the covers 🥹 playing with their toes giggling forgetting about the movie playing BYE 😭

i am so fucking cold today that i thought it would be perfect to write this one :)

summary - winter is supposedly the saddest time of the year, but maybe not this year

warnings: swearing maybe? kardashians, it's just fluff like.. what else did you expect?, a little bit of heated kissing too

word count: 1.4k

"Fuck, fuck, fuck.."

A train of curses fell from your mouth as you ran from the bus stop down the road to your front door. As your ran, your coat hood fell down and you cursed even more.

"Not today please." You sighed, running up the steps to your front door and under the porch. Rummaging through your bag only took a minute to find your key and then you were finally inside your house.

Looking at the clock hanging in the hallway and seeing that it read 5:58 made you sigh and curse some more. You dropped your bag to the floor with a huff and tried to scramble out of your coat, but between an arm getting stuck and the zip getting caught it was not looking to be the quickest escape.

And then the doorbell went.

"Fuck." You said to yourself.

Quickly walking towards the mirror in the hallway you realised that there was no fixing the wet hair or the dripping mascara. You sighed once more and made it to the front door, unlatching it and opening it to see Harry as expected.

"Hey bab.. What happened to you?" He frowned, no doubt noticing how much of a mess you looked right now.

"I know. God, I'm sorry H. Like my boss kept me late and then I missed the stupid bus and caught in the silly rain and now I'm not prepared for you and—"

"Hey, hey." Harry shushed you, pushing you back into your house out of the cold and allowing himself to step inside too. His arms rested on yours and he made sure that you were looking at him when he was talking. "No need to stress, alright? Now, before I allow you to continue your daily rant I want you to go have a hot shower and—"

"But—"

"No. No buts. Listen to me, please. Go have a hot shower and change into something more comfortable." He said as he unzipped your coat for you and helped your trapped arm out. "I will put on the kettle and have a cuppa tea and an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashian waiting for you, okay?"

This time you sighed with relief.

"Yeah, okay. Thank you."

You leaned up on your toes and puckered your lips for a kiss. Harry most gladly accepted and kissed you back, reaching up a warm hand to cup your cheek and bring you closer to him. The warmth from his body was so comforting and familiar that you could have cried after the day you've had. His lips continued to softly press against yours, until he pulled away to give your cold nose a quick kiss instead.

"Now go, okay?" He tapped your bum lightly, encouraging you be quick so you could come back and kiss him some more. "And after you're done, we can talk about how you didn't call me to come pick you up and instead got the bus."

Instead of responding you smiled as you jogged up the stairs and towards your warm shower.

After a long, hot, shower, where the water scolded your skin and your body smelt like honey and roses, you bundled up in one of Harry’s jumpers he’d left here the other night and some joggers that were a tiny bit too big for you.

Harry was too busy trying to create a bundle of blankets on the sofa that he didn’t even notice that you’d finished upstairs and had entered the room.

You walked up behind him and linked your arms around his waist to give him the tightest hug you could.

It had only been 7 months since you and Harry started dating and, for you at least, it was still too early to say you loved him yet. You definitely knew someday soon you would be ready to say it, but there were a few more firsts that you wanted to experience with him first before letting your heart become half his. The hugs you gave him symbolised how much you adored him and were getting ready to love him, just without the words. He knew that too.

“Y’smell good.” He hummed in delight over your freshly showered hair.

“Thanks. I used that body wash I stole from you.”

Harry’s hands slid over yours on his stomach and turned his head around the best he could to see you behind him.

“You thief.”

“You told me I could.” You pouted.

“Steal anything from me when y’smell this good in my products and y’look this good in my hoodie.” He twisted himself around completely, breaking your hold on him.

“Hi.” You smiled up at him.

“Hi. You feeling better now?” He asked seriously.

“A little. Just wanted this evening to be perfect but—”

“It is. Any evening with you, lovie, is perfect.”

Harry then led you to the bundle of blankets, walking you backwards until your legs hit the back of the sofa and you fell backwards. You laughed as you fell backwards, trusting Harry that he wouldn’t let you hurt yourself on the way down. He fell down too, toppling over you with his arms still wrapped snug around you. 

His face fell into your neck and he breathed deeply, inhaling the smell of you covered in his scent. He smiled to himself, happy in this moment with you. If he could, he would be want to be frozen in this moment in time. Holding you for a lifetime was what his dreams were curated of. 

“Are we watching a movie tonight or do you just want to cuddle?” You asked him, stroking your hands softly through his hair.

“Both?” He popped his head up to smile at you, hoping you were thinking the same thing.

“That was silly of me to ask, wasn’t it?” You chuckled to yourself. 

Harry rearranged his body on you, tilting himself just slightly off you so he didn’t crush you under his weight. His head rested high on your chest and took padding from your boobs - his favourite part about you too. One of his hands snuck up your hoodie and onto the skin of your stomach, already stroking small circles there. His other hand kept a hold around your waist. 

Reaching for the remote, you flicked through some channels on the TV first. You quickly skipped over the news, since there was no good news as of recently. On ITV there was Naked Attraction, which you paused on briefly. It just so happened the point you paused at was a woman showing off her very perky breasts and you had to quickly put your hand in front of Harry’s eyes.

He laughed, knowing you were making a joke but he wanted to reassure you anyways.

“Weren’t as pretty as yours, baby.” He titled his head to kiss the valley between your boobs over your clothes.

“Or yours.” You said, referring to the ongoing joke that Harry was building bigger and better than yours - and only 50% of the worlds women population. 

“Well mine are the prettiest, so...” He added to your joke, making you giggle before changing the channel.

“Shall I just put on the Kardashians, then?” You asked, always wanting to check in case he wasn’t in the mood to see an ex on screen that day.

“Sure. Whatever you wanna watch.”

“That’s not what I asked, H.” You stroked his hair again, coaxing a better answer out of him.

“Y/N, honey. Promise, y’can watch anything. I kind of enjoy watching the Kardashians and knowing that I’m not affiliated with that family anymore.” 

You leaned down on kissed the top of his head and Harry snuggled deeper into your chest. Smiling as you put the newest season you, you got ready for an episode of overdramatic drama about salads and Hollywood. 

“Wait...” Harry sat up quickly.

“What?” You paused the show.

He turned around and grabbed some more blankets, throwing one over you and tucking you in carefully like a little burrito. You laughed as he accidentally tickled you whilst he was making sure you were all bundled in. Then he laid back on top of you, throwing another blanket on top of him and regaining his original position on top of you. 

“Better?” 

“Couldn’t let m’girl go cold.” He answered.

“No. Now I’ll overcook like a burnt potato instead.” You pressed play on the TV, but you kind of wish you didn’t because you missed what Harry said afterwards due to the Kardashian show credits. It sounded like he was replying to you, but you never did catch what he said. 

If you had heard him, it would’ve gone something like; “Well I’d still very much like you as a burnt potato.” 

[witchinatree]

magnus protocol episode 27 ramble

here we fucking go ok i had a long ass day and i need my awkward workplace blorbos to get me through this bullshit. also i am actively getting sick and it's not okay.

idk what's gonna happen to me on september 12th but it's gonna be fucking bad alright like that's gonna break me

random files??? mystery files????? GERTRUDE STYLE ORGANIZATION LET'S GOOOOOO. also the 'if colin comes back' babe he got fired and arrested i cannot imagine him coming back

gwen sounds so stressed and also different. this might be my sasha paranoia resurfacing she sounds a little different.

love u gwen i too need a hostile work environment

HAHAHA THEY'RE SO IN LOVE THEY'RE GOING TO BE MY LITTLE LESBIANS

ph shit it's augustus oh shit it's augustus

sam can you quit typing over it i'm so serious you're being so distracting

ok i will not be live blogging the statement because i really need to clean my room before i go to bed it's been like a week ...

the INSTITUTE? i lied. i lied. like MAGNUS? is this a mystery MAGNUS? voiced by AUGUSTUS? we're so back

london offices.... like the magnus institute, london.........

"my eye" not.. plural..? my dog core lowkey (he has one eye)

it's been a while since i listened to a statement fully at night and it's stressing me out tbh

"crimson" "fresh dye leaking from the wheels" hey man the carriage is bleeding. it's just entirely bleeding.

"if i could not see, then i could not be seen" melanie king moment? melanie king moment?

yep. magnus institute. and this statement is from the founder. and being read by augustus. i know what you ARE.

"do you ever get any weird emails?" "i'm openly trans on the internet"

LMAO ILY

anyway gwenny who's emailing you i'm scared for you

oh she's lying like crazy

"the minister" is that gonna be next episode. i need to Know who this guy is omg.

'ms ripley' okay samama LMAOOO oh shit they're investigating the files helen sent oh shittt

"the magnus guy" i need names and i need names NOW

astrology and alchemy.... interesting...........

magnus institute gets slapped by legal (they still own property)

"so what was that?" "that was sex, sam."

in the WORKPLACE? alice is around the corner i know it

aww they're really sweet i wish falling in love in this podcast wasn't a horrific thing

another audible kiss alexander j newall? jonny sims? me when YOU lie.

HILLTOPPPPPPPPPPP AHHGHHAHGHAHGHAHAHHGHHAGHHSHSHFHGH DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT

alice stop them i'm begging you.

oh celia's freaking the fuck out about the room being labeled archivist babygirl is traumatized.

i'm so sure celia has a 'feeling' about hilltop centre yea i bet she has a FEELING about it. for sure celia. for sure.

[call-sign-jinx]

Endless Love (Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw) - Chapter 5

summary - Y/N Y/L/N and Bradley Bradshaw have had a rivalry ever since they both attended the same academy. Every chance they took, they always tried to one up each other. One day, Bradley takes the rivalry too far and Y/N ends up in the hospital with serious injuries. Will it make Y/N want to get him back twice as worse? Or will it make her realise that this rivalry between them is childish?

warnings - swearing, enemies to lovers, mention of serious injury, traumatic episodes, reader traumatised from what happened, smut, slowburn, seizures, flashbacks

a/n - hi girlies! sorry that i haven't been posting a lot i got writers block 💀💀💀 anyways, enjoy!! xx

I've finally come back to Top Gun, Mav caught me up luckily. Somehow he pulled some strings with Cyclone to let me stay here. I'm glad me and Mav sorted everything out. I still haven't spoken to my mum yet... It's been 3 weeks since she visited me at the hospital.

It's been kinda quiet since me and Bradshaw decided to stop the whole "rivalry" thing. Minus for the arguments between Bradshaw and Bagman. It's been nice in all honesty. Except for when Bradshaw tried to throw a right hook at Bagman. Fanboy stopped him before he could make contact. It didn't end too badly. They just death stared each other then walked separate ways.

Bradshaw was late to the briefing this morning so the only chair left was next to me. Great, although we're civil, I hate having to deal with his fucking manspreading. It's so annoying.

Bradshaw walked up to the table I was at and sat down. I was shocked to feel that his leg wasn't rammed against mine. I looked down and saw that he had stretched his legs out and crossed his ankles. I quickly give him a look then begin to focus on the briefing.

"Shocked to see how little of an annoyance I can be when we're not arguing?" I rolled my eyes with a smirk as I tried to focus on the briefing. "Everyone's going to the Hard Deck tonight, you wanna join?" I turned to look at Bradshaw, my eyes narrowing, smirk still apparent on my face.

"Bradley Bradshaw, is inviting little old me to drink with you and the others?" I place my hand on my chest. Bradshaw is the one to roll his eyes now. "I'd love to. As long as you don't sing Great Balls of Fire."

"Now that is pushing it sweetheart. there must be a compromise we can come to." he has desperation in his voice, with a little bit of humour.

"You can sing it once then. No girl on your lap or at your side cause that is just fucking tacky." I chuckle as I try to multi-task and listen to what Mav is saying. I'm partly failing.

"Is that your way of saying you're jealous? I'm flattered sweetheart, but British isn't my type. Neither is hot-headed." His tone was all but flirtatious. Maybe I should've just continued to argue with him, because the flirty tone he's using is grating. Like, it sounds nice but really weird at the same time because he's never used that tone with me.

"Absolutely not, never. Just because we're civil now does not mean I'm going to have feelings for you. And girls sitting on your lap or basically grinding against you while you sing Great Balls of Fire is the cringiest and most disturbing thing to even look at for a second. So no, I am not jealous. And FYI I don't go for your type either." I cross my arms as I finish the conversation and bring all my focus back onto Mav, who keeps sending me knowing glances which I send away with eye rolls.

------------------------------------

Today was stressful. Very stressful. Stressful enough to need a straight double whiskey when I get to the Hard Deck. You wanna know why today was stressful?

Firstly, I was paired with Hangman. Which is annoying as it is but he thought he led the whole thing when it was a team building exercise. And he kept ordering me which got us "killed" by Mav.

Second, my flight suit had a stain on it so I had to try and get it washed after the training exercise. It didn't come out, so I'm going to order a new one.

Third, Bradshaw could not stop with the flirty comments. It was so aggravating. I wish we were still arguing cause he was actually less annoying than this.

And lastly, Mav kept pulling me to the side and asking if me and Bradshaw were a thing. Oh my days! Absolutely not! Never in a million fucking years would I date Bradshaw of all people! I'd date Hangman before Bradshaw. Actually no. I would not. I have too much self respect.

When I got home, I took a hot shower. It was fucking amazing after the day I've had. After I got out of the shower, I dried my hair, did my skincare routine, put some makeup on, and now it's time to decide what to wear. It was between a nice dress Phoenix told me to wear or my tight black shirt with some nice-fitting jeans. I asked Phoenix and she told me to wear the dress, obviously. But only if she wore one too. Not being the only one wearing a dress.

It was a short black dress with criss-crossing straps and a slit on the right leg that goes up to my hip. It was really nice, I've just haven't gotten to wearing it yet.

I quickly put the dress on because I was running late. I grabbed my purse, car keys and vape before going out and locking the door.

The ride to the Hard Deck wasn't too long because I could afford a closer one when I moved here. I parked my car, locked it, then headed to the door of the Hard Deck. Phoenix was outside waiting for me.

When I tell you the whole bar went quiet when they saw me and Phoenix, it would be an understatement. Maybe it was because we were in civvy clothes? But we headed to our group and all the boys eyes were wider than golf balls.

"What's with the eyes? It's not like we're naked is it?" I said, eyes darting between all the lads. They were shocked.

"Y/N, I think it's cause you're wearing that short dress, they've never seen as much skin on you before." Phoenix giggled before dragging me to the bar.

"Hey Penny, two double whiskeys please." Phoenix asks Penny with a smile. As I look around, I see a man. He's tall, blonde hair, greenish-blue eyes, and he's staring at me. I recognise him from somewhere. It's Thomas! I didn't think he'd be here tonight. He said he was going to go home in England for a bit to see his family.

"Thomas?! I thought you went back to England for a few weeks! What yer doing 'ere?" I walked up to him and hugged him, shocked that he was in San Diego but especially in the bar I usually go to.

"Thought yer could use some company, but guess you're already set aren't yer?" He chuckled as he looked to Phoenix then in a different direction, all the lads were death staring Thomas.

"Yeah, guess so. Want a drink? Me and Phoenix just ordered double whiskies." I guided him over to the bar where me and Phoenix originally stood.

"Go on then, one can't hurt." He ordered himself a double whiskey and paid for mine and Phoenix's as well.

--------------------------------------

We've been at the Hard Deck for a few hours and I'm quite drunk, drunk enough to not be able to drive. Which is great, cause I want to go home.

Phoenix and I have been dancing to The Weeknd, Mac Demarco, ABBA, Jerry Lee Lewis (because Bradshaw sang it, yet again), and some other singers that I'm too drunk to remember.

Me and Phoenix are currently dancing to Great Balls of Fire, as per requested to play again by Bradshaw. Him and that fucking song. It's like he's married to it. Or he can't breathe if it's not playing.

As we're dancing, I feel someone come up behind me. I turned to see who it was and it was just a stranger. He had his hands on my hips and began to basically grind into my arse. the fuck?

"Erm, can you not do that mate?" I stepped away from him, closer to Phoenix. He had this strange look on his face. It made me really uncomfortable.

"Come on babe, just wanna dance with you." His smile was sloppy and sadistic in a way. Gave me the shivers. Not the good kind.

"Well I don't wanna dance with you. So fuck off. Freak." I rolled my eyes then turned to Phoenix with an awkward smile.

"Don't call me a fucking freak you bitch!" He grabbed my arm and yanked me closer to him, his breath stunk of cigarettes and Bourbon. I always hated that smell.

"Get the fuck off of me you prick!" I grabbed his elbow and dug into it with my fingers which made his grip loosen, then I kicked the back of his knee which got him to the floor.

"Touch me again and we will have a serious problem, got it?" He nodded in answer, fear and anger in his face. "Get the fuck out of this bar." He got up and walked straight out, the whole bar giving him death stares as he leaves.

As soon as the door closes Bob comes over to us, weaving through the crowd with a worried look on his face.

"You okay Y/C/S?" He looked at me with worry and sympathy. I nodded my head yes.

"I'm fine Bob, he was just a prick who should listen to people. Taught him a lesson, hopefully he'll learn from that." I rolled my eyes as I took a sip of my whiskey. "Surprised I can still do that, I'm fucking leathered." I chuckle as I begin to dance again.

Bob nodded with a small smile then went back to the others. Me and Phoenix continued dancing until she had to go home cause her friend said her dog needed to be taken to the vet. So I was left to hang out with the lads.

"Hey Y/C/S, you alright? You look really bad." I place my hand on my heart and mock offense.

"Wow Bagman, I cannot believe you could say that. To me of all people. I look fucking fabulous you rat." I giggle as Bradshaw laughs. He'd laugh at anything that insulted Hangman so I'm not surprised.

"Seriously though Y/L/N, you look unwell. How much have you had to drink?" Bradshaw had genuine concern in his voice. I also did not know how much I drank.

"Fuck knows, wanted to have a fun time. I was, till Nat had to go home cause her dog is sick. I really hope her dog's okay. Do you think it'll die?" Just as I finished my sentence, Thomas came next to me and placed his hand on my waist.

"Come on Y/N, let's get you home." He began to lead me out until I felt his hand go lower. Last time I checked, he had a fucking girlfriend.

"One, I ain't going home right now. And two, get your hand off my arse cause I specifically remember you have a fucking girlfriend." i poked his chest in annoyance because his girlfriend is super nice, and pretty. Like drop dead gorgeous. And she treats him so fucking well as well.

"Yes you are going home, yer leathered. And she doesn't have to know if anything happens, can just be between you and me babe." That's it. Absolutely not. Not a fucking cat in hells chance.

"Right, you are a piece of shit for that. i ain't going home and I'm moving out. And I'm telling your fucking girlfriend how much of a shit person you are." Thomas laughed, I knew he could be a dick sometimes but this is just too far.

"Come on Y/N. Firstly, where would you even move to? You don't make enough money for even a small shitty apartment. And second, she won't believe you." Shit, she wouldn't. She's literally head over heels in love with him.

"She will." A voice said behind me, I turned to see that it was Bradshaw. I furrowed my brows in confusion.

"And why's that? She's practically wrapped around my little finger." My face contorts to disgust. Jesus, how did it take me this long to realise he is a complete and utter twat?

"Because in Y/N's bag, is my phone, and it's recording. So she will believe Y/N, because there's proof." All the colour drains from Thomas' face.

"So you best fucking leave now. And I'm getting all my shit in the morning." I look at him with anger an disgust, how could he even think about doing that to such a caring and beautiful girl?

Thomas walked out immediately, slammed the door to the bar on his way out. That's when realisation hit me, I'm now homeless.

"Shit... where am I gonna stay? He is right that I can't afford to live anywhere... Maybe Mav could let me stay with him?" I turn to Bradshaw and he looks like he's just got an idea.

"You can stay with me, until you get enough money for an apartment." Although I was very drunk, that sobered me up quite a lot. Bradshaw was offering to let me stay at his place? I mean, we are civil now, but letting me stay at his home? Jesus, he must really mean it about feeling bad about arguing and the crash.

"Are you sure? Because that's a big thing to offer Bradshaw." I looked at him, unsure myself. But why was Bradshaw offering this? Was it out of guilt? Sympathy?

"Yes. You don't have anywhere to stay. Fanboy only has one room and his couch is fucking uncomfortable. Coyote and Hangman most likely don't want to live with you. Payback lives with his girlfriend. And Bob and Phoenix live with Phoenix's mom. And Mav will probably hate you living with him because he won't be able to have any alone time with the ladies he brings home. So I'm the only viable option." Damn. He must have put lot into this for him to just come up with all that.

“Are you 100% sure that you want to do this? Cause I can just find some place to live I don’t wanna intrude init.” I look at him with concern and uncertainty in my voice.

"Yes of course, helping out a friend, init." He faked a British accent as he said "init", I giggled at him as he pulled a face as well.

"Right okay, thank you so much you don't know how much this means to me..." I have a thankful look on my face. "Please could u come with me to pick my stuff up tomorrow? I don't want to go on my own." He nodded yes. "Thank you..."

"Right, let's get you home. You're so fucking drunk." He chuckled as he guided me out of the Hard Deck with his arm round my shoulder.

--------------------------------------------

As we got to his house, I began to search the outside. It was quite nice.

We both went inside, Bradshaw helped me as I was stumbling everywhere. He guided me to the spare room and placed me on the bed.

"Goodnight sweetheart." Bradshaw muttered as he got to the door.

"Goodnight Bradshawwwww." I said before quite literally passing out as my head hit the pillow.

[v3nusxsky]

I’ve got you darling

*Authors note{ I am writing this as a purely indulgent fic for myself. Something I deal with regularly and honestly after today's episode I could just use the comforting from our favourite lady. I wrote this fic listening to my immortal by Evanescence*

Trigger warnings~  mentions bpd and faints

Prompt~ r has fainting episodes and Larissa knows because they are in a secret relationship. She's use to dealing with it and r has call signs to help. In a meeting r feels an episode coming on in front of  other professors

✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭ ✭

You had been dealing with this since your teenage years. It first presented itself at the ripe age of eleven years old. At first you thought it could be connected to your ability to feel emotions and manipulate them. After all that could be quite stressful. But then it began to happen more frequently. Even when you were alone feeling nothing but your own feelings. So it couldn't be that. You'd seen countless doctors especially after an episode but it seemed untraceable. Unless they caught you in the episode it was as if nothing had occurred. Countless blood tests and heart tracings couldn't pick up any reason for this. It was frustrating and confusing. But ultimately something you learned to deal with.

:readmore:

In your later teen years you were told you had Borderline Personality Disorder. Ironically your rough childhood had left you with many scars, only this one having a name. You began to see the signs of manic splits and even how each persona has their own quirks and traits. Ultimately they were all you but at the same time separate from you. That's why you named them. It made it easier to keep track of who was switched into the body. It was only then after naming them were you able to see a particular pattern. Every time you were hit with an episode the same persona would be switched into the body.  That made it easier to predict sometimes.

Most times you knew your body and mind and the warning signs it would give you before an episode but sometimes they came at you out of left field. Those were always the worst and where you'd end up the most injured from the fall. Yet you still were scared every single time an episode occurred. It was something you felt embarrassed about, so when you received the job offer for a English teacher in Nevermore Academy you had decided to tell no one unless absolutely necessary.

You're first few months went well, the school was wonderful and the students love you, any episodes were handled discreetly and alone. That was until you began to become close with the one and only Larissa Weems. Before you and Larissa decided to give things ago, you had a few episodes now and all of which you had been able to warn her ahead of time and get yourself into a safe position. The day one hit you out of nowhere, you knew she'd be panicking, you could feel her panic. Yet she handled it perfectly and comforted you through it and after it. She didn't want to leave your side and made everything possible so she could stay with you.

Your relationship was strictly between the two of you. Larissa not wanting to be accused of favouring you because you were her girlfriend. No one else in the staff were aware of your diagnosis and what occurred in faints. You figured you'd cross that bridge when you came to it. Surprisingly enough, you nearly made it through the whole school year without an incident. Nearly.

It was the same routine as always. No hints of anything unusual which is why you headed to the weekly Wednesday staff meeting.  You immediately settled into your usual chair right next to where Larissa would sit. Nothing unusual. It wasn't long before the meeting got underway and you were just enjoying hearing the sound of your lovers voice when you felt completely out of this world. Your brain all fuzzy and empty bring the first sign. Then there was the pounding in the back left corner of your brain. You knew you needed to warn Larissa. So you let your hand sink under the table and tap three times on her thigh.

Instantly Larissa recognised your sign and discreetly reassured you "okay now?" To which you relpsond with a nod, one you instantly regretted as the pounding worsened. The next thing to go was your vision, your hand sought purchase on the older women's thigh in a hope to ground yourself and remind yourself you aren't alone. You were vaguely aware of the bickering going on by the rest of the teaching staff over which department needed extra funding. Your gaze empty and unfocused and your head lulling forward and to the side while your eyes rolled back your head, After struggling to stay open.

Larissa noticed and brought her hand discreetly to rub firm slow circles on your back and keeping an eye on your head that was now lulling downwards, that had to be hurting your neck. The others continued to bicker against themselves while Larissa whispered out reassuring words and readjusting your head to ensure your safety. It was painfully obvious that you were in danger of your airways being blocked. "Woah, easy there pretty" she murmured to you now catching the attention of the others in the room. But she paid them no mind and continued watching over you until she could notice the signs of you coming back into consciousness.

You blinked rapidly trying to clear your blurry vision only to be met with concerned eyes from your colleagues. You mumbled out for your Rissa hand desperately searching for then women in an attempt to not be alone. She instantly started to reassure you despite the others presence. "You're okay pretty, it's okay. You're safe okay darling?" Was whispered into your ear as you kept your gaze to the table embarrassed to find everyone's eyes on you.

"Sweet one who do we have with us?" She muttered and you blinked before mumbling "Lilah." In which Larissa knew you were still coming around. Lilah was your healer of sorts and was often present after an episode. But she knew that if she didn't get you to somewhere you felt safe, switches would become erratic and uncontrollable.  With a quick wave of her hand the rest of the staff filled out of the room quietly and only when the door shut did you allow yourself to collapse into her arms and soak in all the comfort she was offering up.

Word count ~ 1113

[edosianorchids901]

Cheerful Comedy

@flashfictionfridayofficial prompt - "Comedian's Night"

“Well, that was certainly… edifying,” Aziraphale said uncertainly, still staring at the telly screen with a mostly puzzled look. “Granted, I’m not entirely sure why some of the jokes were funny…”

“Nh, some of them are really specific to the time period. And America.” Awkward, Crowley slid a hand through his hand. “I get pretty much all of ‘em, but that’s because I’ve been watching this since it first aired.”

Still with a slight frown, Aziraphale picked up the complete Golden Girls DVDs and examined them. “I thought it was rather rude of those people at the hot dog place to make, um…”

“Dorothy,” Crowley supplied.

“To make Dorothy participate in birthday rituals that she wasn’t interested in.”

“I mean, that was kinda the point. The people who ran the hot dog place were obnoxious arseholes, and Dorothy wasn’t putting up with it.” Maybe picking this for their date night had been a bad idea. Comedy night sounded great in concept, but it wasn’t working out so well. “Dorothy’s cool. And tough.”

“I see.” Biting his lip, Aziraphale shuffled through the seasons, looking at the front of each case. “She doesn’t seem the sort to appreciate a silly little hot dog restaurant like that, or a surprise birthday celebration. Why did Rose pick something that her friend wouldn’t like?”

“Well, Rose… thought she was doing something great for Dorothy, something they could enjoy together.” Crowley gave a desperate grin and a tempting sway. “She was just wrong, s’ all. Misjudged what Dorothy would think.”

Aziraphale blinked. “And that’s funny?”

“Er.” Gosh, was this what it was like to be Rose? Rose had always reminded Crowley more of Aziraphale than anyone else, in a really endearing way. But maybe he’d misjudged that, too. “Sorry, angel. I guess it’s not that funny. Why don’t we watch something else?”

“Oh, no! I don’t mean that, dear boy.” Gently, Aziraphale took Crowley’s hands and squeezed. “I’m just trying to understand better, that’s all. I know this show is very important to you. I, um… may have misjudged a bit.”

Now Crowley was confused. He tilted his head, frowning. “How so?”

“Well, I thought that asking questions about it would come across as showing an interest in something you care about.” Aziraphale chuckled, expression soft with affection. “Afraid I may have come across a bit too critical. I enjoyed it very much.”

Crowley gave a skeptical look. Golden Girls had always made him feel better, and sharing it left him more vulnerable than he liked. He liked to be cool and tough, not flustered. “You only laughed like… twice in the whole episode. I don’t think it’s really your style of comedy.”

“Why don’t we instead say that it’s not a style of comedy I’ve had all that much experience with?” Still smiling, Aziraphale kissed Crowley’s hands, then let go in favor of snuggling closer to him on the sofa. “And besides, even if I didn’t understand all of the jokes and such, I truly did enjoy it immensely. How could I not?”

“I really am not following right now, angel.” Which also left him feeling much less cool and tough than he liked, although at least the anxiety was easing now. Aziraphale was generally honest with him these days.

“It’s like how you’re perfectly happy to listen to me read Regency romance aloud even though you find it silly, or take me to see Hamlet repeatedly even though you think it’s an awful, dreary play.” Aziraphale brushed a light kiss to his cheek. “You enjoy it because you like to see me enjoying myself. Seeing me happy makes you happy.”

“That’s definitely true.” Relaxing a little, Crowley wrapped his arm around Aziraphale’s shoulders and hugged him close. “And at least you definitely can’t accuse Golden Girls of being dreary. It’s cheerful.”

“It is very cheerful, dear boy. And truly, I love seeing you so cheerful as well.” Raising one hand, Aziraphale skimmed his fingers across Crowley’s cheek, then down to trail along his jaw. “You’re so often stressed and rather grim, even these days. I can’t think of anything better than seeing you so freely laughing, smiling, and making little jokes of your own. You look so innocent when you’re watching this lovely little show.”

“Nnnnnrng.” Cheeks going hot, Crowley buried his face in Aziraphale’s soft curls. “Don’t say that. M’ a demon.”

“Mhm. But still.” Aziraphale hugged him, then gently pushed him back and placed the remote in his hand. “Here. Show me more.”

It was still hard to be vulnerable, even now that they spent almost every waking moment together. But Crowley draped his arm around Aziraphale’s shoulders again and leaned back, then hit play. As long as they were both having fun, that was all that mattered.

[miguelmeiai]

Life is Strange 2 - Alternate Storyline - Episode II ("Discoveries") - Part I

After writing my fanfic (Life is Strange 2 - What if Esteban hadn't died?) and presenting you an alternate storyline where Esteban is alive instead, I got so carried on and attached to this idea that I'm planning to bring it further. So I am doing an "Episode 2". The original is called "Rules", but since mine follows a completely different storyline, I will be calling it "Discoveries", since it'll be mostly about Sean and Daniel discovering more about themselves (Sean still has a lot to learn about himself, and Daniel needs to practice his powers, for example).

In my version, they will still visit their grandparents, but things will proceed differently. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading it and please give it a like and comment to let me know you enjoyed it, so that I can bring you more content like this. Thank you so much for your attention!

It's Friday. Sean comes back from school and locks himself in his bedroom and puts loud music to distract himself from his bad day at school and a some stuff that have been going on his mind recently. Daniel is playing videogame in the living room and Esteban is working on the garage. He is tired and stressed because his children have been fighting a lot recently. From time to time he needs to intervene.

He gets bothered by the loud music, and he knows it is coming from Sean's bedroom. He leaves the garage and goes to his son's bedroom. He knocks at the door, but Sean doesn't listen. He is lying on his bed, focused on… nothing. Stressed, Esteban opens the door and screams at him, asking for him to lower down the volume. Sean also gets stressed and angry when his dad asks him a favor: taking care of Daniel tonight because his dad wants to go out with his friends, to relax a little. He turns off the music.

Esteban argues that he is tired as well, and he also has the right to hang out with his friends sometimes. They continue arguing and Sean complains about how much he is tired of babysitting Daniel. Esteban then notices this argument isn't going anywhere, thus he ends the conversation by telling his son that he is grounded for the weekend for his bad behavior. He goes back to work after taking a deep breath to calm down. Sean throws a couple of objects onto the wall, lies on his bed and starts crying.

Later, after Esteban goes out with his friends Sam and Nick, Daniel enters Sean's room with Mushroom on his arms. He's sleeping, but Daniel wakes him up when Mushroom arks at Sean. He wakes up scared. Daniel laughs at him. Sean is calmer by now. Daniel says he wants to play with him and Mushroom in the backyard, but Sean refuses and says he is in no mood for that. Daniel starts complaining, but Sean expels him from his bedroom nevertheless.

He picks up his phone and texts Lyla. She quickly texts him back and invites him to hang out because she is bored, and sends him a heart emoji. He tells her he is grounded this weekend after an argument with his dad. She insists and promises to him that she can talk to his dad later. Sean sighs and replies to her with a heart and an OK emoji. He puts his phone on his desk and walks to the bathroom, to apply some perfume, bush his teeth and wash his face.

He quietly walks towards the living room and searches for the key. When he finally finds it, Daniel appears, scaring him and asking him what he was going to do. "It's none of your business", he says. Daniel threatens him and says he is going to call dad if he gets out from home. Sean pushes him, opens it and leaves. Daniel, with tears in his eyes, asks himself: "doesn't he love us anymore? Why is he acting like that with me?".

Lyla is waiting for him at the Denny Blaine Park, sitting by the Washington Lake, lost in her thoughts about the guy he is in love with. Sean arrives and they both smile when they see each other. "Dad is gonna kill me, and Daniel is probably going to tell him that I escaped for a while", he comments. "Let's forget about all that shit. You had a bad day at school. Let's just… take a breath and relax, man", she suggests. They lie down on the grass and stare at the stars, seizing the moment and focusing only on themselves, at that place, at that time. Nothing else matters.

[sofiiel]

Ch.1 | THE LANDING " WELCOME TO HAWKINS "

It's a little after Halloween, you're laying on your bed with the phone cord wrapped around your finger. Aimlessly looking at the sitcom on the TV and listening to the ranting on the other end of the line.

"And they looked clear through me, both of them. In one day. I know I'm nobody but Jesus, I was actually trying to be nice this time." Eddie said.

"Calm down and breathe. From what I remember, Chrissy was on her way to cheer practice. Maybe she's the type who gets in a zone." You try your best to calm him.

"And you're hardly nobody dufus." You added playfully.

Eddie exhaled and let a small smile wiggle it's way onto his face. He sat at his vanity, doodling tiny nonsense of the DnD character he created with you in mind. His phone cradled between his ear and shoulder, "That would have been sweet without the dufus part, dweeb." Eddie shot back.

He then sighed, "You're right, cheer means the world to her, and they did lose two team members in the fire last summer." Eddie said.

You find yourself frowning, You could remember that phone call, about the mall fire. Eddie made it sound awful, and to this day nobody knows why all of those people were in there after hours. Children lost lives, some sort of protest, is what the news said. It made the national news, briefly.

"Yeah, that's enough for anyone to be distracted." You hummed. Eddie could talk about Chrissy and who you only know as Harrington for hours. You learned how to listen for the important bits and drown out the rest. That hour or so of Eddie gushing about their smile or the clothing they wore and then raging about how they annoyed him.

"Now that I've yakked your ear off for an hour-"

"Three hours actually...." you hummed.

Eddie fell silent as he could feel his cheeks heat up, "damn, sorry..." he murmured bashfully. You giggle, and the smile finds it's way back to his face. "I'm kind of used to this, a pro, even." you teased.

"Yeah well..." Eddie sang, his hand shifting the pencil around his notebook. "You said you had something you wanted to tell me?" Eddie asked.

You lulled pensively, "ah...yeah." Weeks have passed since you received an odd phone call from Your great-great-great-grandmother's estate.

Eddie's face twisted at the odd tone in your voice, "you don't sound thrilled." he said. "I am, kind of," You said, eyes wandering away from the TV.

"It's just..." your gaze fell onto the mirror across the room. Tucked in its frame were several Polaroids of Eddie, from 4th grade to present. You bit your lip, he hadn't received a picture of you since the 5th grade. Your body changed a lot as your medical situation escalated. Your hormones were in a whirl, you'd lost a lot of strength, you were wheelchair bound more often, and it left you insecure.

You used to be an equestrian, you still were, but episodes and doctors visits made eventing hard these days. You were certain Eddie saw you in a certain way in his head. That thought was nice, he knew you from your personality, unlike many from the school you were pulled out from.

Eddie set down his pencil and held the phone to his ear, "hey," he called, drawing you out of your thoughts. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. If it's a secret, we've an oath, remember? I told you mine." He said.

"It's hardly that serious. I'm moving next month." You said, anytime Eddie fell into his stern voice that quickly, it generally meant in was panicking for you. "He doesn't handle stress well." you reminded yourself.

"Oh, like how far? Local or different coast?" Eddie asked.

You gave your throat a nervous clearing, "um.... Indiana, actually."

You could hear several objects tumble and clang about through the phone. "Don't screw around with me Y/n, I swear to god!" Eddie's voice shouted into the phone in a strange pitch. You can't help but laugh, "Where?" Eddie asked.

Your stomach dropped, and the lie formed faster than the truth could break through, "Muncie."

Eddie deflated a bit, "Oh," he said, lowering himself back into his chair to sit properly. "Hey, you know what? That's actually really close. I can come to visit you on weekends." He said. You can hear his smile through the line.

Your smile is forced, "Y-yeah, that's great." You fumble. "You nervous about the move? I thought you said you hated where you live?" He asked. "It's the devil I know, you know?" You asked back.

"Oh, I know, so well." He sang, cradling the phone with his shoulder as he returned to his doodling.

"And it's kind of because some relative I never met kicked the bucket, and I'm the only eligible living relative left to take the house. Getting stuff because 'surprise dead person' is kinda..."

"Weird?" Eddie finished for you.

You roll onto your stomach, "yeah, considering I've never met my great-great-great-grandmother. Or anyone from that side of the family at all. Once mom died, Dad lost contact with them." You said.

"Your dad still out in...where was it?" Eddie asked.

"I don't know, I haven't gotten a postcard in two weeks. Last one came from Nepal." You sighed.

"Well, I'm sure Lenard will be happy for a change of pace too, Muncie is small it'll be just like home for him." Eddie said. You smiled to yourself, Lenard your live-in nurse and former friend of your mother's was like your second parent. Grew up in the south and had that Nola accent.

"Yeah, Len will be thrilled." You said.

"And me, for the record. I'm like so hyped. I'll steal you every weekend and haul you to Hawkins. You can meet the boys and Uncle Wayne." Eddie fell into a ramble. A smile managed to stay on your face, though the worry buzzed in the back of your mind, "What if he notices me before I'm ready to tell him? We'll be going to the same school, how is this even going to work?"

Pushing that worry aside, you listen to Eddie and his grand planning of what you'll do together when you arrive. "Do you need me at the airport? I can pick you and Lenard up in my van." Eddie offered.

"ah no, the estate arranged us a driver..." It still sounded crazy.

Eddie whistle, "fancy" he said.

"Maybe You and the boys will play a show in Muncie. I'll buy a floor ticket." You teased.

Eddie began to choke, "shit!" his mind scream, breaking the lead away from his pencil as he jammed it down. "Are you ok over there?" You question.

"Shit, shit, shit, fffffff-uck!" His mind continued to shout.

"Ah," Eddie cleared his throat, "Yeah just…you know breathed and swallowed." He said. "Um listen, Y/n, a-about the um…shows..." He stammered.

"Tell her the truth now." Eddie's mind shouted.

"Ugh, we're on hiatus lately, I forgot to tell you. Gareth's got, laryngitis." Eddie said. "Ah yes...gotta tend to that long term laryngitis." you said, thankful for the reason to avoid a possible early meet up. You were playing along with the daydreaming, but still very much wanted to avoid a meeting so soon.

Eddie exhaled in relief as you bought it. "Asshole." his mind cursed him.

"You're so wrong for this." You thought, scolding yourself. "He was so excited."

"I'm going to let you sleep, it's late here so, I know it’s late for you." You told him. Eddie groaned, "come on, I don't need sleep." He said. "Maybe you don't, but I do. You know, that weird green pill makes me sleepy." You said with a wide yawn.

"I forgot about that new one, alright, fine. Off to bed, sleepyhead." Eddie said. "Goodnight, Dufus." You lulled. "Night Dweeb."

The line ended, and you set the phone in the cradle. With a heavy sigh you look towards your wheelchair, you'd been bound in it for the past three days. This evening the paralysis waned. It wasn't the chair itself, it was simply the fact that you never knew when it was going to hit you.

"I should go check on Hasufel" You murmured, sliding your legs off the bed carefully, you waited a moment to gauge your leg strength. "They seem ok for now." you sighed in relief. Taking the accessibility lift downstairs, you head for the back door of your house.

"Shouldn't you be in bed, missy?" asked Lenard. He stood before the kitchen counter casually cleaning a glass, a towel draped on his shoulder. You give a sheepish smile to his arched brow, "I'm just going to see Hasufel, Len. I promise I'll sleep after." You explained.

Lenard relaxed, "Oh well, if that's all. You may continue." he hummed with a simper. Lenard knew well that Hasufel was your best and truest friend, that old gray gelding.

Outside under the stars you walked to the one horse stall. Hasufel's head peeking over to greet you. He bob his head up and down with a soft snort. "Hey there." you called to him. Holding his face, you rested your forehead against him, just under his forelock. Hasufel whinnied quietly, "It's been a while, but I'm sure Lenard's been keeping you company these past new days." You said to him.

"We've got a big move, bud," you sighed. Shutting your eyes tightly, your teeth clenched, "and I've majorly messed up. I lied to your uncle Eddie."

"And I don't know how I'm going to explain it when it all inevitably goes to hell."

----------------------------------------- N O V E M B E R ---------------------------------------

Early in the morning, you stood in the sleepy stillness of the airport. Glancing around at the few people who waited for their flights and tended their luggage. Most looked like businessmen and women, while some others looked to be small families.

"And you're sure you don't need me to pick you and Lenard up?" Eddie asked as you spoke to him from the payphone. "Because I can totally skip my first couple of classes." He offered.

"Really Eddie, we'll be fine, Driver, remember?" You asked. "Yeah, that's still weird." Eddie sighed.

"Ok, well....um, call me from the new phone as soon as you can. Leave a message if I'm not home." Eddie said, he smiled faintly at the sound of your laugh on the other side, "yes momma Eddie." you teased. "Someone's got to worry about you, right?" he asked.

"Come on Y/n, that's our flight they just announced." Lenard called for you.

"Got to go, flights ready." you said to Eddie.

"Ok, have a nice flight, and you know, don't crash. Please." Eddie said. "Afraid of flying?" You asked him. "What?....no, just. You know." He muttered. You smirk, "Well, thanks. I'll be sure to call. I got to go, later." You said hanging up.

Turning to Lenard, you flash him a nervous smile, "aren't you two cute." he teased. "I'm not going to tell you many more times, Len. Eddie and I are friends." You said with a roll of your eyes. "He's like a needy older brother." you giggled. Lenard shook his head, "maybe in your eyes." he sang, giving the seat of the wheelchair a pat.

You take your seat and sigh, "It's just in case your legs get worse, you said you were feeling weak this morning." said Lenard. He flashed you an apologetic smile, Lenard knew you liked to do things for yourself whenever you physically could.

"I know." you said with a reassuring smile.

After a handful of hours, you touch down at the Indianapolis airport. Having sat for so long, your legs are unhappy, and they refuse to support you. Thankfully, Lenard was right about bringing your wheelchair along rather than having it with the luggage.

You sit and wait in the lobby, wheeling yourself forward while Lenard tows the luggage behind you. A tall man with a sleepy expression is waiting for you, holding a sign sporting your last name.

"Ms. S/n?" The man asked. You glanced up at Lenard, who gave a supportive nod, "yes, that'd be me." You said. "I am Marcus, your driver. The estate has arranged a vehicle that should be accommodating for your....condition." He said.

You arched a brow, "ok." You hummed. Marcus helped Lenard with the bags and lead you out of the airport.

The ride from Indianapolis to Hawkins was filled with a heavy, unsettling silence. Marcus wasn't much of a talker, and the large minivan created extra distance between the three of you.

"Hmm, what do you think the odds are of getting him to change the station?" Lenard whispered to you with a cheeky smile. "Not likely." you whispered back. Reaching into your purse you pulled out your walkman, "here," you said passing it over.

"I'm ok with my thoughts, you can use this for a while." you offered. "Bless your little heart." Lenard cheered quietly as he accepted the walkman, grinning ear to ear.

--------------------------------------- M E A N W H I L E ---------------------------------------

Jeff, Gareth and Paul stood together in the hall watching Eddie fidget about while they talked. "You've got more energy than normal, and that's saying a lot." Jeff pointed out.

"It really is, what's got you so excited?" Gareth asked. "Y/n's moving to Indiana, today." Eddie said. "Today? Like today, today?" Gareth asked, "what other today is there?" asked Paul.

"Today." Eddie repeated with a large smile.

"No way, where to?" Jeff asked. "Muncie." Eddie's smile was growing slowly, "holy shit that's close," Gareth said. "You should invite her to the hideout, man." he added.

Eddie's smile tumbled off his face, he wasn't sure just how he forgot so soon.

"Why does he look so horrified?" Paul asked cautiously. "I um, I might have embellished, our success as a band a little...." Eddie murmured. "Jesus, dude. How much is a little?" Gareth sighed, with his hands crossed, he watched Eddie intently.

"By a lot....like a whole freakin lot." Eddie admitted shoving his drama schedule into his locker. "Why lie?" Jeff asked.

"Because she's amazing, she rides horses, she can tame horses, she used to mountain climb with her dad before she got sick. She wants to open her own Equestrian ranch." Eddie rambled on.

"And then there's me, who grew up to be so far a wanna be rock star, who can't graduate and is the local dope man. I had to say something!" Eddie ranted.

Resting a hand on Eddie's shoulder, Gareth shook his head, "Calm down, man." he said. "You just repeat that to her, and you'll be fine." said Paul. Eddie turned to him with eyes straining, "You're out of your mind if you think I'm gonna tell her all of that." he said.

Gareth removed his hand and shrugged, "Otherwise you've got explaining to do that won't make sense, and you come off as an asshole." he said.

Eddie paled, his head rolling back he groaned, "She lands today, I'm sure we'll be hanging out in person soon."

"You dug this hole," Jeff scolded. "Don't be my mom, just help me figure something out." Eddie muttered. "We did." Paul shot, "yeah, Gareth had the best and only idea that will help you, man." Jeff chimed.

Out of the corner of Eddie's eye, he spotted Chrissy giggling amongst a group of cheerleaders. His eyes quickly followed her. "Well, that was quick." Gareth sighed.

"Huh? What was quick?" Eddie asked, shaken from his mild daze as Chrissy vanished around the corner. "You were worried abou-"

Jeff quickly hushed Paul, "nope, don't remind him, yet." He whispered.

"Oh shit." Eddie exhaled.

"See what you did?" Jeff said to Paul.

"My math homework is full of Prancer Doodles." Eddie muttered, pulling a note sheet full of tiny drawings out of his bag. A healer and a Bard were doing various adventures in mini scenes across his homework.

"What the hell are they doing?" Gareth asked, squinting at the paper. "Mooning a troll." Eddie said. "You drew the parts." Paul pointed out. "Well, yeah, that made it more fun." Eddie said. "You don't draw your friends parts, dude." said Jeff. "It's not Y/n, it's Prancer." Eddie reasoned.

"Who's based off of Y/n...." Gareth added. "Either way, you cannot turn that in. there is no erasing that." he snickered.

"Yeah, you'd be able to see the smudges still, damn. Maybe I can copy it over..." Eddie murmured.

The ride of strained silence was finally over at the end of a long dirt road. The road cut through a vast hillside surrounded by trees, "Hasufel will love it here." You murmured to yourself. Neither Marcus nor Lenard listening. Lenard had the volume maxed out and lip sang to Blondie as if in his own little world.

Peeking up the center of the minivan, your eyes spotted a large old house nestled within the tree boarder of the fields. A worn white fence, barely hanging on to life, protected the grand southern style mansion.

"How'd this end up out here?" You thought, it seemed like a poor place to build a house so big, crammed between the thick woods.

"Mrs. S/n fell ill in her last days and her mobility suffered. Fortunately, the home should prove comfortable for you with all of its renovations from her final days." said Marcus.

You glanced away, "she was sick...." the thought left a heavy feeling within your chest. "Did they say what she passed from?" You asked, curiosity gnawing. "I'm afraid not. It was in the Will that her medical records not be disclosed to anyone." said Marcus, causing you to slump down in your seat.

"Figures" you grumbled.

"Well, making new friends is out. No one's going to want to come to this creepy old place." You thought with a sigh.

"Tell me this man is not serious!" Lenard gasped, slipping off the headphones. With wide eyes and a shaken gaze, he looked over the old house as the minivan pulled into the driveway.

"I'm afraid so, Len." you reply.

Lenard sulked, "It's going to be a nightmare to clean." he said now carefully examining the surrounding landscape. "It's yard needs some extra tlc as well." His eyes sparkled, "But I see rose bushes!" he nearly sang.

You offer Lenard a smile, you can tell by the look in his eyes he had no real desire to be there, it would be a lot of work for one person to get the place in shape. But he was trying his best to keep you upbeat.

"We'll have it looking nice in no time. We'll make it homey." You said.

Lenard hummed softly to himself, "Looks like the sort of place that'd be haunted." he murmured.

"That isn't funny, Len." You warned. "I'm hardly kidding." he replied.

It was clear that Lenard and Marcus did not get along. You watched them carry in the luggage from your seat on the wrap around porch. It felt awkward just watching, "but you're the one who didn't want to be left inside alone." You thought to yourself.

"There, everything has been brought in." Marcus said. Standing before Lenard, he passed a simple white business card to him, "Call the estate should you need anything. They will give you time to settle in before someone arrives to discuss Mrs. S/n's will in full." said Marcus.

Lenard carefully looked the card and examined it, he was just as baffled as you were. "Something tells me your life is about to change. Welcome to Hawkins." Marcus said, turning to you. You barely offer a smile before he turned on his heel and returned to the minivan.

"Does any of this give you a strange feeling?" You asked Lenard, both your eyes glued to the car until it was lost in the trees. "It creeps me out. I hate to say this, but honey, we're in the start of a bad horror flick." Lenard murmured.

"Again, not funny, Len." you warned.

"I'm not playing with you." he sang. "Come on, let's get you inside. It's almost past the time for your medications. That's a thought worse than any ghost." said Len, wheeling you inside.

"You're not wrong about that..." You murmured, the last thing you needed was to flare up a seizure in a new town, whose hospital you'd never been to, "Doctor Brenner is very strict about which locations I'm treated at. I suppose that makes sense." You thought with a sigh, "but it makes things a lot more complicated."

--------------------------------------- T H A T N I G H T ---------------------------------------

The moon was mid-rise and the surround woods sang in songs that had your nerves on edge. Many of the outdoor lights were busted, but thankfully the interior of the old house was well lit.

Through the dusty, forgotten scent of the mansion came the faint aroma of microwave burritos and pine sol. Lenard was working his magic as always.

You lay nestled on a small but lush sofa, the furniture inside the home was very dated. However, it was also some of the most luxurious furniture you'd ever seen. "Who was this woman?" You wondered, picking up the phone and dialing.

"Do you know how long I've been staring that this phone, Y/n? Huh? Do you?" Eddie said the second he answered. You drew in a breath to reply, but were met with a shrill, "I thought you crashed. I did, I pictured a fiery, horrible death. Probably over Hawkins because that's about the luck of this place." He rambled on.

"You done?" You asked him calmly.

"No, but I can't think of anything else to say, so, yes." Eddie sulked.

"I'm ok. Well, for the most part. This old house, is really creepy." You said, looking around the living room.

Eddie flopped down on his bed, dragging the phone cord as far as it could go, wrapping himself in it. "Be glad you're not in Hawkins, we got loads of creepy ass places like that here." He said. You groaned inwardly, "telling him the truth is going to be so much harder after waiting this long, you idiot." You thought to yourself.

"But hey, you get to live in a mansion, right? That's pretty freakin sweet. Does it have a pool?" Eddie asked. You shrugged, "I don't know. I haven't looked around much. I was pretty beat by the time we got here, and the driver was super creepy." You explained.

Eddie sat up in his bed, "are you tired now? I can let you go, you should probably rest." he said. "I'm fine. Len's all the way in the kitchen and.... I don't like being left alone here." You confessed.

Eddie smirked, "oOooooOooo Y/n, are the ghosts going to get you, Y/n." he sang in a ghostly moan. "Stop it! You're as bad as Len!" You called. Eddie's laughter rolled in soft chuckles through the phone.

"Oh, you'd be fun to take to a horror movie." he mused.

"I like horror movies, for one it's not happening to me and two real life shit isn't the same dufus." You barked.

"It's still scary once you have to go to sleep." Eddie said.

"I...." Your voice faltered, "didn't think about sleeping." you said.

"Well, we can stay on the phone. Just like this, and I'll use my magical powers to keep the boogie man and ghouls away." Eddie teased.

You pulled your blanket over yourself and tried to cuddle down into the mildly dusty couch. "Yes please." You said. He smiled at the complete lack of protest and curled up in his own bed. "Alright. I'm here until you start calling hogs, then I'm hanging up." said Eddie.

"I don't snore." You murmured.

"I bet you totally snore, big ol' dragon snores that could knock down houses." He said in a playful hum.

"I do not! If I do, they're light, people who snore that loud wake themselves up." You reasoned. Eddie laughed, "not all the time."

"Shut up, you wake up your uncle." You shot.

"Uncle Wayne sleeps like a bear in hibernation. A bomb could drop outside, and he wouldn't so much as turn over." Eddie said.

You gave a great big yawn, the kind that make your face hurt. "Close your eyes." Eddie said. You gladly listened and closed them up. "Now, Imagine some place nice, something better than a creepy ghost riddled-"

"Eddie..." you lulled with a frown.

"You get it." Eddie chuckled.

Eyes still closed, you did just that, trying to imagine something better. "What are you imagining?" He asked quietly. "A nice hotel in the big city, Chicago or New York, very top floor" You replied. "Nice, penthouse or loft?" Eddie asked.

"Loft, it's small but cozy. There's a fireplace." You murmured.

"And the view?" Eddie questioned. He could hear your voice fading in strength, in your words, he could hear your consciousness struggle as sleep wanted to take hold. "It's beautiful, you can see the whole city from the window, It's hard to see the stair, but the city has its own lights. There's a small balcony. A random stray is perched on the railing." you smile as you describe your vision to him.

"Yeah? Bootsy coming by to visit again? You should leave out some catnip for her." Eddie said. "Fresh out." you replied.

"Is there room by that fire for one tired dufus?" Eddie asked. "Lots of room, Bootsy wants to nap by it too." Your voice started to fade away as you spoke.

Soon it became quiet and Eddie was left alone with the sound of your breathing. Smiling a small grin to himself, Eddie resting the phone next to his head on his pillow. "It'd be nice to curl up with you before the fire someplace new." he murmured while trying to silence a yawn, "I could make sure Bootsy always had her Catnip." Eddie's mind laughed as his eyes closed up on him.

"Goodnight." he whispered.

Eddie's eyes then shot open as he picked up the phone and held it to his mouth. "And if there are any actual ghosts. Please fuck off, she's tired and needs her sleep" he hissed in a whisper.

"Eddie..."

"Oh....shit. Sorry, sorry. Go back to bed." he whispered frantically.

You laughed silently, "I love you dufus." you said.

His heart beat faster as his cheeks flushed, "sure, back at you, now go to sleep dweeb. Bootsy's trying to cuddle by the fire, and you're ruining it." said Eddie.

----------------------------- PREVIOUS | MASTERLIST | NEXT ----------------------------

[chronicallymargaret]

the beginning

One morning in February of 2012, my mom had knocked on the door to wake me for breakfast and I told her I didn’t feel well. She went and grabbed the thermometer and it read 102℉. There was a sickness going around the high school at the time, so she told me to take some meds and rest. The next morning, my mom woke me up again to check my temperature and it had barely gone down. I stayed home again and followed the same regime. After my fever finally broke, my body didn’t feel right. I thought maybe I was just overly tired from being sick or maybe it was just the cold medicine wearing off. Eventually, I got to the point where I really didn’t think about the pain because I didn’t want to worry anyone. The family wounds were still healing from losing my first best friend, my grandpa, six years prior to cancer. Plus, I never liked people worrying about me because I knew that no matter what, I would always be okay - or so I thought.

High school was hard enough - let alone having a medical condition that not a single doctor in the tri-state area knew a single thing about. I kept my symptoms away from my parents for a very long time. Eventually, like most parents, they caught on that something wasn’t right with their kid. In December of 2012 along came the typical parental questions: “Margaret, are you doing drugs?” “Come on, kid, just tell me what’s going on with ya.” “Kiley Mae. Sit your ass down and start talking.” And then the never ending conversations and tears started to flow. I explained that, no - I was not doing drugs (I really was quite innocent here, Ma and Pops. Only a couple of times, I swear.). I finally broke down to my parents and told them the truth: Ever since that February morning in 2012, I’ve had a headache and chronic pain nearly every day.

Next thing I knew, my mom started researching and researching and more researching. She tried countless times to get clinics/doctors/specialists - you name it, she called them - to even listen to her. She called Mayo Clinic nearly EVERY DAY - practically begging on her hands and knees to fit me in to be seen by someone, anyone. She was my voice because no doctor or person took me seriously. I was “craving attention, a drama queen, drug addict/seeker, hypochondriac, lazy, not good enough, problematic, selfish, waste of money, time, and space.) I watched my dad’s hair slowly turn more and more gray as he worried about whether he should go to work to make money for the never-ending medical bills or go with his wife and daughter to find out the answers. (I hate how corporate America works. Since when has money become more important than one’s health? It’s disgusting and I wish we could change the system.) I watched my sister lack the attention from my parents that she deserved because they were constantly worried about me. (I am in no way, shape, or form calling out my parents. They have ALWAYS done their best in EVERY situation and that is why I am so proud to call them my parents - my heroes.) My high school friends secretively raised money to buy me a miniature pet pig to try to help make me feel better - my parents appreciated the kind gesture but said no because I needed to focus on my health. (I WILL own a pet pig one day - Dallas has already approved.

I have had a majority of my POTS symptoms under control over the last 10 years, but 2023 really screwed up my body. Due to all of the trauma and stress from not only everyday life, but miscarriages, surgeries, and mental health episodes as well - my body has been in FULL overdrive. I've been struggling trying to keep my life going and trying to ignore my health because I don’t want to give in to the fact that my POTS is getting WORSE and not better like I had been telling myself - and everyone I know - since the day I was diagnosed in July of 2012. Back then - yes, this was a frickin’ decade ago .. totally gross, I know. [“POTS was only seen in approximately 500,000 Americans. (https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2012/0901/p392.html)."] Imagine being 15 years old and you're a literal drop in the ocean of people who have something medically rare. What in the frick are the odds of that?

Flash forward to now, February 2024, I have nearly every symptom back plus new ones. My chronic symptoms are headaches - different intensities and locations, lightheadedness and dizziness, severe brain fog - I try not to drive on these days as I typically forget everything, insomnia, anxiety (omg .. I said the BIG “A” word), and depression (oooopps, I did it again bahaha). My new symptoms are: chronic abdominal pain - intensity and location has varied over approximately three months now, dry heaving, hot and cold intolerance (I told my work mom’s I feel like I’m going through menopause with how many hot flashes I have .. they giggled and said “Ohhh Kiley Mae, you have no idea what you’re in for - this is hardly nothing.” Also, can we talk about how important work relationships are? I love my work moms and work family - I’m very blessed on that front.), and vomiting.

The news that I learned today was that due to the dry heaving and vomiting, I now have a large hiatal hernia - part of my stomach is on top of my diaphragm. I’m currently waiting for a call to schedule a barium swallow test and I have a referral in with the University of Nebraska Medicine with a POTS specialist. I personally believe that I’m going to have chronic headaches and abdominal migraines - but I’m holding onto a little bit of hope that the doctor I currently have is going to confirm that the abdominal discomfort is from the hernia, not POTS. I plan on keeping this updated regularly because after I figure out what’s going on with me - I want to share my path of life so no one has to go through the medical trauma that I have.

Medical trauma is a huge part of not only who I am as a person but talking about it is the therapy that I am working through right now. I will eventually spill all of the emotions, but for today I’m going to talk about today. Because today was a very good day and I deserve to celebrate it.

My parents have become “snowbirds” and fly to southern Texas for the winter. Unfortunately, my endoscope ended up being scheduled while they were gone. I told my parents they didn’t have to come back home because it was a simple procedure, and everything was going to be okay. (Yes, I’m 27 and still take my parents to certain medical appointments because I’ve been hurt - I’m working on it.). I don’t know if it’s because I finally did it by myself or if the staff was told to be extra careful with me or what - but I had the most relaxing experience ever. No one looked at me like I was weird when I stated that I had POTS and would need an extra bag of saline. The first anesthetist actually shared with me that she also was diagnosed with POTS. I immediately got a smile on my face and asked if she was kidding. Coming from a small town, not very many people understood what my diagnosis is and again - I’ve been used to being a single drop in the ocean.

The anesthetist made sure to mark my charts and inform the rest of the care team my condition, what to expect, and what I would need after I woke back up. Anesthesia tends to send me into a flare up - especially with cutting off food and water after midnight. Once I got taken into the operating room, my actual anesthetist started asking me questions about POTS. He stated that he had heard of it, but only until recently. I started to explain how long I’ve had it. Then I just started word vomiting because this was a whole new experience for me - how I just want some answers but I’m sure they wouldn’t find anything. I had already come to terms with the abdominal migraines starting. He looked at me in the sincerest way and said, “Wow. You’re a strong woman. You’ve been through a lot but you’re so cool about it.” That statement right there hit me. I realized in that moment that, holy shit, I’ve persevered. I’ve climbed a huge hurdle today and I can’t wait to keep climbing.

If you've read this long - just know that I see you and I love you.

[tomtenadia]

A Little Braver - 71

So here we are... are you ready? This chapter was a beast to write. I had to do so much research to try and write things as close as possible to credible. I also took inspiration from an episode of Chicago Fire. There’s action and is a multiple POV switching back and forth to cover as much as possible.

And... I am sorry for the end... 

CW: mention of burn victims, high rise inferno, panic, language.

On the way to the fire Aelin was on the radio with Dorian who was advising all five units the access areas and where to deploy upon arrival.

She looked behind at Brullo and the man was worried too. He was the only one who had been in a high rise fire. Since some of the historical ones a lot of laws had been passed and the safety and checks in place had become far more strict. On that day however, it looked as if something had gone wrong. Horribly wrong.

They arrived not long after and Nox and Ansel parked the vehicles as ordered. West, south north and central followed soon after and the five captains guided their teams to a very stressed Dorian.

“Teams, thank you for your quick response,” he removed his hat and looked at them all “what we are about to face will put to the test all you have ever learned in all of your careers,” he admitted “A high rise fire is a completely new challenge. They are dangerous and unpredictable and I need you all to follow orders,” his eyes swept the whole group “you do not play hero. Not today.”

They all nodded and Dorian hoped they all listened. He was not losing anyone.

“PD is evacuating the perimeter and cordoning off the area for a radius of at least one kilometer,” he indicated to all the police cars already parked around “This is an office building and according to the guard almost all the workers are still on site. The evacuation has started for all the offices below the fire line via the emergency stairwell.” They spotted people walking out of the side of the building while PD directed them to a safe muster point “I have a plan of the building and we have wet risers and also two firefighters lifts. The next step is to set up the bridgehead.”

The teams nodded.

“Aelin, Fenrys, Marcus and Brullo, I want you to be my vanguard and find the fire line and a suitable location for the bridgehead,” he turned to Brullo “You have done this before, you know what to look for.”

The lieutenant nodded and the four went to get ready. 

“Sam and Ansel, I want you two to do stairwell control in the lobby area. People will be scared and will try to run. You do not want a stampede.”

“Everyone else, we wait. No one goes inside until we have a safe staging area. Start gathering all the gear we will need to carry up.” He paused and looked up at the fire that had gotten worse since his arrival “I have regional units on their way too and they will deal with the aerials and the outside attack.”

Once the firefighters got in action he walked to the paramedics “I have declared a mass casualty plan. Both Med and Orynth General are on high alert and ready for the victims,” he told them all “I have emergency trauma doctors en route and they will lead triage. Not because I don’t trust my PICs but because this is a level of triage that A&E doctors knows better how to deal with. There will be more ambulances coming too.”

Elide looked at Rowan. The man was standing straight and seemed calm and composed. Inside she was nervous. She had dealt with crazy incidents, but Elide was sure this was going to put all of her knowledge to the test and on her first day as PIC of all things.

“Triage will be crazy and non stop. As soon as we have a bridgehead I will send a few of you inside and help. Firefighters will need tending too.”

“What’s a bridgehead?” Asked one of the paramedics.

Before Dorian could answer, Rowan did it for him “It’s a militaristic term, it means a location secured by an army inside enemy territory from which advance the attack. I assume in case of a fire like this is a safe area where to lead operations.”

“That is absolutely correct, Rowan,” Dorian smiled “I have a team on its way just now to find that location.”

“Now go and get the ambulances ready, we have civilians evacuating already.”

*

“Brullo, Marcus and I might be captains, but you are in charge of this one. You know how to do this. We only had training experience.”

The man nodded “Did Dorian give you the keys for the firefighters lift?”

Aelin showed it to him.

“Good, we can’t use it until we have an idea where the fire line is. From an outside visual we have quite a lot still to climb. Probably around floor twenty.”

“Marcus, you have the thermal camera?”

The captain from west nodded.

“Ok, let’s start climbing, one level at a time we go in, assess and if it’s clear we move up. As soon as we reach a level with smoke and high heat levels we will know we are close and we will have to move the bridgehead at least three floors down.”

Slowly they started their climb. It was probably going to be a very long day and using up the energies right away was crazy. Fenrys walked at Brullo’s side. He had always liked the man and he reminded him of Gavriel “Aedion told me that today you celebrate thirty years as a firefighter.”

“Yes, what a way to celebrate eh, boyo?”

Fenrys grinned and Brullo looked at him “Remember what chief said: no heroics. You follow orders. As ex military you should know how to do that, yes?”

The young man nodded “Yes, sir.”

It was at floor level twenty one when they saw smoke “SCBA on all of you. Do a sweep and close all the doors. Compartmentalising is important.”

The four spread out and started looking for victims as they did for each floor and also assessed the situation.

“Chief, Brullo.”

“Go ahead.”

“Heavy smoke on level 21. Walls are still good but I would suggest a bridgehead at level 17 for safety.”

“Copy that lieutenant. You four head down to level 17 and we’ll meet you there.”

Brullo motioned for the group to do a proper sweep of the floor. Aelin was walking around the empty offices when she heard something. She bent lower to see below the smoke and saw a woman lying near a desk, a cut on her forehead. It looked as if she had been left behind. Aelin swore. Fucking panic. She crouched and grabbed the woman’s arms and threw her over her shoulder then went back to Brullo “I am taking her downstairs.”

She did not wait for Brullo to protest and walked to the lift and activated it with the key. She hated the traps but knew that firefighters lifts were designed to be used in a fire and she also knew she had to save her energies. It was going to be a long one.

Aelin walked outside of the building and a medic walked to her “Heavy smoke inhalation and a head contusion. Probably a stampede. She might have other injuries too.” The medic nodded and took the woman from her.

She looked toward the triage area and spotted Rowan hard at work. He’d be perfect in this kind of situation. She smiled at him and ran back ignoring the stares from Dorian.

Back at level 21, Brullo was not happy with her either “I thought I was in charge of this.”

“Yes, but that woman needed immediate medical attention. They have just started moving stuff in the lifts to set up the bridgehead. I could not wait.”

The man placed his hand on her shoulders “today is not the day to be reckless, young lady. What do we say to the god of death?”

Aelin smiled “not today,” it was their mantra “not today.”

“Good. Now let’s move down and let’s wait for those lazy bastards to finally join us.”

Another smile. She was glad she had the man at her side.

*

Dorian and all the firefighters from his five houses had finally migrated to the stage level and were preparing all their gear. All the tools had been dumped in one corner, hoses in another and spare SCBAs were piling up in another one.

On an office desk that had been brutally cleared of all clutter he had spread out the plan of the building.

“This,” and he indicated the lower floors “is the lobby sector. A support area and controls all the levels up to the bridgehead. Lizzie, I want you to be the sector commander there. You have Sam and Ansel working on evacuation via stairwell for all the people below fire level. We will use the north stairwell for attack and the south for evacuation.”

The three women nodded and left “Now, the hard part: from external observation it looks like the fire is affecting the floors from 21 to 24” this is our fire sector. I want three firefighters as stairwell protection team for levels 24,  27 and the top floor at 30,” he continued “I want a stay put in place for all the floors above the fire line. Close all the door and compartmentalise. It will be very hard to convince people to stay put, but until we have confirmation that the south stairwell is free of smoke and fire I do not want anyone to move.”

All the firefighters nodded. They all had dealt with some high rise fires but in much, much smaller building. Brullo and Dorian were the only ones who had real experience with a skyscraper.

“Aedion, take Ress, Asterin and five more and you are in charge of the search sector. Keep an eye on level 25, in case the fire jumps.”

Aedion nodded and his team grabbed all of their tools and left.

“Fire sector, I want a team on each level, you have wet risers and I want you all to carry our 51mm hoses. Close doors and contain the fire away from the part of your level that are not as affected. Bring any victims here to the bridgehead. The medics will deal with them,” he paused “Aelin, Ilias, Marcus and Brullo, you take a team each. Remember that radio communications in these areas will be affected by the fire. I want primary search.”

Dorian stared at his teams go and he breathed deeply. They had trained, he trusted his teams but such fires were complicated and in the past firefighters had lost lives and he had to admit to himself he was worried and wanted to be with them. But his job was to be in charge and make sure they were safe. His hand went to his back were he bore the scars of the first high rise fire he had attended. He had been on one of the fire floors and a flashover had hit him hard on his back.

*

Outside on the pavement the ambulances were lined up and people were flocking to them directed by PD and Lizzie.

“Move to the paramedics and have them check you, clear the entrance, now. Keep moving,” shouted the captain at the office workers rushing “Do not run.”

Rowan looked at the flow of people rushing out. He listened to the radio chatter as his eyes lifted up to watch the fire. It was a monster. The firefighters had been inside for a while now and wondered if  they were already hard at work.

“Ansel to all units, south stairwell is all clear and safe for evacuation.”

“Ok, Rowan, victims will be coming in hot now.” Elide then froze in horror “Horrible pun not intended.”

Rowan gave her a tight smile and got ready as the first victim came to him and then another one and one more. All smoke inhalation problems so much that Elide had left him on his own while she dealt with all of her victims. Until Marcus brought him a burnt woman “third degree burns on a lot of her body,”

He thanked the man and watched him ran back inside.

She had a pulse but was not breathing. He knew he had to intubate. He grabbed the kit but when he opened her mouth he noticed her airways damaged by the smoke. They had covered that in school. Working in a firehouse that was a skill that was fundamental. Lysandra had extensively covered treatments and protocols for burn victims.

“What do we have?” Elide moved at his side.

“Airways compromised, I am trying to insert the tube.” He tried once more and failed and saw Elide putting a finger on top of the cricoid cartilage on the neck. He had seen Lysandra do it in the field a few times.

“Crich pressure?”

Elide nodded “go. Try now.”

Rowan went back to his job and with Elide’s help he finally managed to push the tube down the woman’s throat.

“Well done you.” Elide checked that the tube was in the right position and both rushed away to the hospital.

*

Aedion and the team assigned to the search sector had spread out and started to assess the floors. With Ress he took floor 25, it was the one just above the fire line and they were all ready for the worst. He opened the stairwell door to that floor and the two men entered the office area. The smoke was thick “Let’s mask up.”

Once ready the two men pushed through “Fire department, call out.” They both walked almost crouching down to try and see below the smoke level.

“Aedion to chief, heavy smoke on level 25. Ress and I are doing primary search.”

Dorian’s reply arrived over the radio and they resumed the search. It looked as if everyone had already evacuated. Aedion looked under every desk, cupboards and closets. He was about to call for the all clear when they both heard someone crying “Toilets.”

They ran to the bathrooms and saw a woman sitting on the floor in a clear state of panic.

“Hey, you are safe. We will get you out.”

“I am going to die…” she started screaming “I am going to die…”

Aedion sat at her side “you are not,” he gave the woman his hand “I am Aedion and he is Ress we are here to take you to safety.”

Ress radioed the stairwell team “Protection team on level 24, civilian heading your way. Meet us halfway. She is scared.”

Sam replied and both Ress and Aedion walked with the scared woman to the south stairwell where they were met by Sam “Look after her.”

“Come with me, we are going down were you will be able to breathe much better and will be away from the fire.”

“One last sweep, Ress I want to be absolutely positive there is no one here.”

*

A few levels down Aelin was doing primary search with Fen and Nick, Aedion’s second. The fire was rolling and smoke was thick.

“I’ve got someone,” shouted Nick, Aelin ran to him and she assessed the victim “severe burns. He has a pulse but his breathing is shallow. Take him down to bridgehead.” The man nodded and lifted the victim in his arms.

“Aelin to bridgehead, Nick is on your way with a burn victim that will need paramedic help stat.”

Dorian’s voice crackled over the radio “Aelin what’s the situation at 23?”

“We need an attack line, chief.”

She and Fen kept walking until they reached an office. Aelin kicked the door open and saw a group of people huddled in a corner “Is anyone injured?”

Many in the group started coughing.

“Stairwell commanders, people incoming your way from level 23. Heavy smoke inhalation.”

With Fen they grabbed the civilians “Cover your faces.”

Aelin started walking back through a path with less fire when a guy started screaming that he was not going through the fire. He pushed Aelin on the floor but Fen grabbed him quickly and slammed him against the floor “now you listen to me, you are coming with us because we know the way out. You stay here and sure as hell you will burn. The smoke will get you first. Any idea how horrible it is to die of suffocation? And if you are still alive, the fire will get you next.”

The man stared at Fenrys petrified but stopped fighting. He helped Aelin stand “Thanks Fen.” The man smiled and together they took the group to the stairwell where a member from west met them all.

Back in the fray Aelin ordered them to divide “Fen take east side I’ll go west.”

The young man nodded “no heroics, okay?”

Aelin nodded and then went deeper into the fire. She reached a conference room and smelled electrical fire. Looking up she spotted sparks from the ceiling mounted lights “Chief, the fire is likely travelling in the electrical shaft. We need CO2 extinguishers.”

“On their way up to you captain.”

Aelin walked to a closed black door, turned and kicked it open. A burst of flames almost hit her on her back. Damn the office was ablaze “Fire department, call out.”

A weak voice reached her and saw a young woman hiding under the desk. She went to grab her when an explosion rocked her section cutting off her exit. Damn, they were trapped. She looked around and saw a window. In that instant she had idea. A reckless one but the only way to escape that hell. She went to the window and with a tool in her pocket she popped the glass that fell on the street.

“What’s your name?” She kneeled beside the woman.

“Anna.”

“OK, Anna, I am going to get you out of here but you need to trust me.”

The woman nodded in panic as Aelin pointed at the window. 

She looked around the room until she found a secure anchor point and tie one side of her rope to that and then attached it to her carabiner using the super secure knots that Halley had taught her.

“Ok Anna, I need you to hang on to me super tight. I am just taking you three floors below where it’s safe.”

The woman hugged Aelin while she tied her to her harness “Close your eyes and squeeze me. You are going to be safe.”

*

Elide looked up at the rain of glass, something was happening and it was not good. The fire seemed to have gotten worse. Then the screams of excitement from the people around on the pavement. And as she saw people appearing from the window she elbowed Rowan.

He looked up from the wound he was treating and his heart sank. Aelin was hanging by a window with a woman attached to her.

Everyone had stopped, Dorian too.

He saw Aelin walk down along the glass. He knew she had been taking extra climbing classes but this was extreme. She lowered herself down to a floor that was below the fire line and then he watched as Aelin started turning to get closer to the window. What the heck was she doing?

A moment later a rain of glass landed on the pavement and saw Aelin climb back inside the building with the woman she had saved. Cheers erupted from all around him. People had been filming the scene and he was expecting the video to become as popular as flying girl.

In the distance he noticed Dorian shake his head and in that instant another red car pulled up and an older man reached the chief.

“That’s commissioner Darrow,” explained Elide.

He nodded and went back to their patients. Firefighters had started to seek their help on Dorian’s orders. Fatigue and smoke inhalations the main risks in such a situation. Extra help from regional team had arrived after a while. Dorian had started sending in the newly arrived men to relieve some of his teams and a couple of engines had deployed their aerials and were tackling the fire from outside. A chief from the regional teams had joined him too.

*

Brullo had taken his team to floor 24, the one that was supposed to be the further from the fire but when they arrived they found a very critical situation.

“Brullo, chief the fire is more extended than expected. Level 24 is hell.”

Dorian ordered all available firefighters to converge on floor 24 and help with water lines.

The hoses arrived very quickly and once attached to the wet riser Brullo took his men in deep and started fighting the beast.

*

Ilias and Manon had managed to evacuate their level. They had saved four trapped workers. Hopefully the empty office meant that a lot of people made it out safely.

Manon tank had been beeping angrily for a while and she knew she had run put of juice, but could not leave her team so she went through all the techniques to lower oxygen consumption.

“Manon you need to go down to the bridgehead and grab a fresh SCBA.”

The woman shook her head “I will be fine.”

“I am in charge and you are not staying.

“Ilias bridgehead, Manon is coming your way for a fresh tank.”

Ilias walked with her to the north stairwell and then went back to his section, grabbed the water line and continued his job.

Manon started walking down while coughing hard. The attack stairwell was filling up with smoke “Chief,” a powerful cough wrecked her chest “north stairwell is full of black smoke.”

“Do not open any doors Manon, proceed to the bottom.” Slowly she started to climb down but breathing was becoming difficult. She threw her spent SCBA on the stairs and continued her descent until her legs abandoned and darkness took her.

That’s was where Nox and Marcus found her. Quickly they had carried her outside to the paramedics and both Rowan and Elide ran for her.

The petite woman stared at her friend unconscious on the gurney and her hands shook. Rowan on the other hand had jumped into action. He had been amazing. He had gone from patient to patient with his usual calm. Even two of the doctors from Med had noticed him. No one would believe he had been a paramedic for only six months. Gods, he was such an asset.

She shook her head and jumped into action joining Rowan who rattled all the info he had gathered about Manon.

“Let’s take her to Med.”

Before jumping in the ambulance he looked up at the building. After the climbing rescue he hadn’t seen Aelin. She never went down like the others for a break.

“Stay safe, please.”

*

Aedion had been joined by other firefighters and now he and Brullo were trying to stabilise the situation on floor 24 and were closing all the doors to try and avoid the fire from spreading even further.

Brullo had just finished to close a door when he looked at the big glass window. Dark thick smoke had enveloped the exterior. Then flames appeared and an ominous sound spread around him. He knew that sound “Everyone take cover, the fire has jumped floors.”

He flattened on the ground when an explosion rocked the level. The glass windows exploded and the fire engulfed the floor searching for fuel to burn.

*

Dorian saw the smoke change at the higher levels and alerted his teams. He was about to shout to team at floor 24 to be careful when the explosion happened and glass started to rain on all of them.

People screamed and he started shouting for a status report on his teams.

“Aedion, come in.”

But static was the only answer he got. Damn he hated being outside. But that was his job. Let his men work and hope that they would make it out.

*

Aelin had met with Nox, Borte and Marcus. After they cleared their level they had gone to swap air tanks at the bridgehead and joined the teams on level 23. After the explosion part of the structure had collapsed and she was positive that the chance of finding people alive was now very difficult If not possible.

“Aedion, report.”

No answer.

Nox looked at her “he is fine. He has thick skin.”

“Grab the line and let’s try and kill this bastard.”

Borte and Marcus went to another area of the floor and started attacking from a different angle.

She took a step backwards, when the whole floor gave up and dragged everyone with it.

*

Fen had been ordered by his captain to go out and find a relief. He had tried to protest but Ilias had told that exhaustion led to mistakes. So he had obeyed and walked outside were a paramedic ran to him and offered him some water and pushed him to sit down. Ansel saw him in the distance and he waved at her. He was happy she was away from the inferno. He had far too many people involved.

He turned his head and spotted Rowan examining a woman and smiled at his friend. He looked at ease. His face serious as he knew him. Rowan was in full Iceman mode.

Fenrys tried to get up but the paramedic shoved an oxygen mask on his blackened face “you sats are far too low. You are not going anywhere.”

*

Marcus groaned in pain and pushed debris and pieces of furniture from his body. He looked around and saw Borte moving under a collapsed beam. He crawled to her and helped the woman “you okay?”

“I think I broke my shoulder.”

“Nox, Aelin…”

She shook her head.

In the distance they heard a PASS alarm. Marcus stood with difficulty and helped Borte too. Painfully they followed the sound and eventually saw a body.

“Nox.”

“Firefighter down, I need help on 22 I think. Floor collapse.”

More static.

“Borte, stay with him. I am going to find help. We need to look for Aelin too.”

*

Rowan and Elide had come back from their hospital run after dropping yet another victim. How many was it now? Orynth general was now on bypass and Med being the biggest was taking all of the victims. The trauma doctors had started to prioritise the reds even more strictly. It was a blood bath. He saw Fen and asked for an update. His friend removed his mask and coughed.

“Not much communication. But something big happened on floor 23.” And pointed at the floor with the burst windows.

Rowan looked up and he noticed the fire was getting worse. Even in his little knowledge he could see that the fire had jumped one floor. Containment had failed and that was bad news.

He saw Dorian talk with some of the firefighters that had been inside and get an update on the situation.

The radio crackled and he could catch the word collapse.

Brullo’s voice came over the radio and he heard the lieutenant order to converge on floor 23. Firefighters down.

Rowan’s heart sank.

A firefighter brought him a victim and he froze. He shook his head and looked at Elide. She was just as panicked.

“She was fine last I saw her,” Fen moved closer to Rowan. For as much as he wanted to be back inside and help he felt that right now being with Rowan was the best thing.

They stared at more firefighters go into the building.

“Anyone report…” He could see Dorian getting worried by the minute.

An injured Marcus burst out of the door with a similarly injured Borte and Nox and ran to Dorian for an update but he did not manage to catch the words. But the chief had tensed. Something had happened. Something had gone wrong.

He finished with his patient and moved a step closer but Fen grabbed his arm. It was not safe to be that near.

He had never felt that much fear in his life. No one said anything about Aelin and he hadn’t heard her voice in a while. She had to come back to him. He had kept his promise and now was her turn.

“Aelin…”

More reports came in but never her and something dark spread in him.

Another step and he was now close to Dorian and Fen had followed him worried about his friend. 

In all the years he had known Rowan, he had never seen terror on the man’s face.

Rowan felt like he could not breathe. Why wasn’t she answering?

“Aelin, please…” he looked up and begged “please…”

“Chief, Aelin…” her voice finally came over the comms and sounded strained. She coughed a few times “I am stuck.”

Rowan froze and knew tears were now streaking down his face.

“Aelin where are you?”

Rowan heard static then a faint answer came through “I fell with the explosion…” Rowan was positive he had stopped breathing.

Aelin’s voice was haunting him.

“Rowan…” he heard his name and looked up at the inferno “Fireheart.”

Coughs came through the comms “I wish we had more time…” a pause as if to gather her breath “but you must go on.” She paused again and dread rose in Rowan. Why was she saying that? Didn’t he tell her that there was no way without her?

“I need you to get out.” He shouted over the radio as terror gripped his soul fiercely.

“Live for me and… thank you for walking…” Rowan was positive tears were falling freely down his cheeks. “Thank you for walking that dark path with me back to light.”

The radio went silent and a fierce explosion rocked the floor.

A savage scream left Rowan’s lungs.

TAGS:

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[inkofamethyst]

September 2, 2023

The worst part about all of this (and there are a lot of things I'm down about) is that I can't really even listen to the music that I used to use to calm me down. Austin Wintory's Abzu OST used to be a nearly foolproof fifty-seven minute ride into less anxiety. Comfort music. But now, after vgm was half of my personality for the last two years, it reminds me a lot of what I'm leaving behind (and can never return to). It hurts more than it helps.

I am officially moved in. There are a lot of things that could have gone better or smoother, but this is my first time moving into a non-school-affiliated place, so I'm giving myself grace (and praying that the electric company doesn't turn off our electricity this weekend so we can get that business sorted at open of business next week [edit: sorted!]).

Despite "being moved in" there's still a lot to do. I have to figure out what I'm going to eat tomorrow. And so much more.

I was really stressed out a lot of this week. I'll likely do a more positive recap of the week later, but. I cried on the way to the airport because I was just so overwhelmed by nerves. I had to fight the tears in the airport and on the plane because the TSA lady told me they wouldn't let me on the plane if I seemed too anxious. I felt better after the plane landed. I felt amazing when my parents arrived after a long day's drive (with a ton of my stuff in tow to move in). I started feeling anxious again this morning when it hit that they'd have to leave and I'd be alone again, but this time for twelve weeks and not just a few days. This whole day I've been slipping in and out of anxiety with the anticipation of their eventual departure. My episodes became more frequent as the time drew nearer. They did manage to soothe me enough for me to let them leave, but I'm still a really big bundle of nerves right now. I'm not even sure if I'll be able to sleep well tonight.

I know they're just a phone call away. But the physical distance and time span just seem so huge. And the pressure of where I am and what I'm doing and what this means for me and my family. It is decidedly not imposter syndrome, not now at least. It is most certainly a fear of the unknown.

Today I'm thankful for my parents. I'm thankful that they love me. I'm thankful for their help these past few days. I'm thankful that I can turn to them whenever for whatever. I'm thankful that they were willing to stay in my room with me until I gathered up enough courage to let them go. I'm thankful for their patience. I'm thankful that they know me. I'm thankful that they pay attention. I'm thankful for their support.

I'm also thankful that moving in went well. I'm thankful that I seem to have a solid roommate (who also has caring parents).

I've already decided that I'm going to have a countdown to when I go back home as a widget on my notion. I may not need it by the end of twelve weeks, but for now it may bring some comfort.

Ha, it's been a long time since I've written an entry while crying, it feels like. Down and anxious? Sure, often enough. Snotty and tearful? Feels like it hasn't been since senior year of high school (though I'm sure that can't be true). I don't feel that paralysis though, not really. Like yeah it's been several hours since I've eaten so I feel a little weak, but I know what I want to accomplish before school starts in a few days which certainly isn't a bad sign.

Tonight though? Bathe, change, bed, content. And, for my grand finale, nerves willing, sleep.

[countrymusiclover]

65 - The Life We Choose

Part 66

Her Life Means Everything

@mrs-fanfiction-2001 @the-big-bad-klaus @dragonixfrye @samsgirl93

- So I decided to just skip the Star Wars episode even though I really wanted to write for it. My mind just had no inspiration so this is the new chapter enjoy

Maddie’s POV

Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I sat up in the bed climbing out of the bed shrugging on some blue jeans wearing one of Klaus’s shirts that I had slept in the night before. Letting my hair fall down my shoulders I opened the door seeing my husband talking with someone on the phone. “Sweetheart, slow down. What are you talking about? Someone raised another monster and then you were turned into pandas.”

“Nik, what’s going on. Are they coming back home?” I asked entering the room listening in on the conversation with my vampire hearing. Our daughters and Josie had gone to look for Lizzie to bring her home from a weird witch cult.

He put the phone on speaker, sitting it down on the table in the middle of the art study. Little Henry was asleep in another room and Landon had left the school for a few days. “The girls are coming back, Maddie. But we might need to prepare the school for another attack. Here’s your mother’s, Hope.”

“Mom. Dad, don’t freak out but we got drugged and there was this Star Wars thing that in the end told me what we have always been regretting. I have to become a Tribrid like Nikola.” Our young daughter explained where I met my husband’s nervous gaze on me.

Running a hand through my hair I didn’t want to hear what she was saying. Everyday a small part of me beats myself up for Nikola dying right in front of Klaus and I. We had to watch our child die even though she came back just like we did. “We will talk through that when you all get back. But under no circumstances will we say that is our only option.”

“Mom, it’s the truth though. Landon and Nikola are soulmates. But our Tribrid blood can kill him.” She tried to say until I raised my voice.

Hitting my hands on the wooden table I shouted towards her not wanting to have this conversation over the phone. “No! Hope Andrea Mikaelson. You and the girls get back here. Do you understand me. You are not becoming the Tribrid yet!”

“Alright we will see you when you get home.” Klaus picked up the phone and hung up the call sensing that I was letting my emotions get the better of me. “Come here, Mads.”

He wrapped his arms around me tugging me into his chest seeing some tears starting to slip down my face. Flinging my arms around his neck I started crying, clutching the fabric of his jacket in between my fingers. “I don’t want them to have to turn to save others, Klaus. They are my children…They deserve everything good in the world!”

My mother said that a parent would do anything for their child. To keep them safe, to see them smile and everything above that. He broke the hug and still kept one hand on my lower back with his other wiping away some falling tears. “Maddie, listen to me. We will not let anyone hurt them. It doesn’t matter who comes to stand against us. I swear to you that I will tear the world apart to ensure that our daughters will be safe.”

“Yeah but we can say that all we want but can it really happen….can that be so true just as your family says always and forever.” My voice cracked a little while I gripped his shirt in my hands. They trailed up messing with the dog necklace that he kept wearing because I enjoyed playing with it when I was bored. “We may be immortal but even we have limits, Nik….I am terrified that we might not get any more good days…like the day the girls were born, the day we were wed…everything since the day we met!”

He cups my face in his hands, resting his forehead gently against mine releasing a breath. “Then let’s shove those fears deep down. I’ll take you back whenever you want. You know all you have to do is ask, love.”

“Show me the moment you fell in love with me. I want to see when we were less stressed and innocent before the girls come home and it all goes into the back of my mind for months.” Wrapping my arms back around his neck, closing my eyes feeling him enter my mind.

Laying on my stomach on my bed I was just staring up at the ceiling super bored out of my mind. Surprisingly today was pretty normal for the town of Mystic Falls and to be honest it annoys me very much. Lifting my head up I heard someone knock on my window so when I turned my head I saw Klaus sitting on the window seal. “Klaus, what on earth are you doing. You’re gonna fall from there.”

“If you’re worried about me dying Maddie in case you’ve forgotten I am already dead.” He pointed out sending me a half smile still just sitting on the seal waiting for me to open the window.

Getting to my feet I shake my head unlocking the door pushing it up allowing him inside even though he could have easily gotten through on his own. My mother had invited him already so that wasn’t a problem at all. “Hah hah yes I am aware, Nik. Now what are you doing here in the middle of the night? My mother will consider this creepy and that you are trespassing.”

“Let’s aim to change that shall we, Maddie. May I come inside or am I forced to remain outside and just look at the beautiful blonde through some glass?” He asked, giving me the deep blue doggy eyes, making my heart skip a beat at his words.

Turning my head back towards the door to my bedroom I smiled taking a few steps back letting him inside. “Come in, Nik.”

He vamped in front of me where I lifted my head up a little. “The reason I am here in the middle of the night is because I want to show you something. Take my girl somewhere for a little adventure. Do you accept?” He extended his right hand waiting for me to put my hand in it and I slowly did.

He squeezed my hand gently in his vamping us outside the house where I closed my eyes, flinging my arms around him, not opening my eyes until it felt like we weren’t moving. “Klaus!”

“Open your eyes, Maddie. Trust me you’ll enjoy this.” He whispered in my ear where I felt his arms wrapping around my waist as I opened my eyes sucking in a breath seeing the entire town of Mystic Falls so tiny from where we were standing now.

Lifting my head up my nose brushed against his seeing that we were standing on the top of the clock tower in the middle of the town. “I can’t believe you brought me up here. You better not let me fall.”

“I wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing, love. I must say you are making me fall in love with you by not being terrified up here.” He shrugged his shoulders where I wrapped my arms around his neck smiling. “Not afraid of such a life with a supernatural hybrid and all.”

Meeting his deep blue eyes I leaned up on my toes kissing him slowly where he deepened it. “Klaus, Elena always freaks about this crazy life but I am just choosing to accept it. I accept everything that comes with being you, Klaus Mikaelson. No matter what happens in our lives.”

Footsteps rushed through the mansion where we broke from our mind dive seeing the door get opened in a panic noticing it was Alaric. He bends over out of breath since he was a human trying to tell us something. “Maddie - Klaus, I….there…was…an attack at….Mystic High….Malivore…is…here.”

Comments really appreciated ❤️

[harmonyspopculturecorner]

Comfort Media

Think about when you’ve been having a long day… or when you aren’t feeling the best… or even when you just feel like you need something to keep your mind off of everything going on in the world. What do you find yourself being drawn to? Some music that you associate with driving down the road, friends by your side? A fanfic that you found late one night and had you kicking your feet with how cute the plot was? Or maybe even a show that you know more dialogue to than you’d like to admit? Any piece of media that makes you feel at home, safe, relaxed… like you can turn your brain off for a while. That’s what I’d call comfort media.

Now, the idea of comfort media isn’t necessarily a new one. People have always had media that they choose to indulge in no matter how many times they’ve watched, listened, or read it. However, during the pandemic, when our world was literally turned upside down, this idea became more of a forefront. It took me until the pandemic to put a name to it, and since then I’ve realized that I have a few different pieces of comfort media.

My comfort media doesn’t have a theme… an anime, a music group, literary couple fanfiction, children’s cartoon, superhero animated show, and YouTube comedy. All of these are different, but all of them bring me a sense of relaxation at different times when needed.

One of my indicators that I am building up stress  is the urge to put on ‘Ouran High School Host Club’. This was one of the first anime I ever watched, and it remains one of my all-time favorites. I could quote countless episodes, and even list their titles in order (This is no lie, my friend can attest to looking at the episode list while I recited the titles off on a video call). ‘Ouran’ is my comfort because I don’t need to think while watching it. I can put it on in the background and easily be doing work… all while keeping focused and gradually calming myself down.

The shows ‘Scooby-Doo’ and ‘Young Justice’ season 1 do the same thing. ‘Scooby-Doo’ could be listed as my favorite piece of media ever. It’s classic, the stories are fun, the characters are relatable, and most importantly… It's my childhood. To this day, I still have two shelves worth of the ‘Scooby-Doo’ movies and show volumes. It doesn’t matter if I know who the ‘Miner 49er’ is already - I’m going to watch the episode and follow along as the gang finds clues, gets chased, sets a trap, and finally catches the criminal. 

‘Young Justice’ is, overall, an underrated show in the DC Universe. It was what really roped me back into liking superheroes. Growing up I watched ‘Teen Titans’, but I fell away from superhero media for a few years. Then, a friend suggested I watch ‘Young Justice’, and I was right back in. All 4 seasons of this show are great, but if I’m going to do a simple rewatch, it’s going to be the first season. There’s something about the original team of Aqualad, Robin, Kid Flash, Superboy, M’Gann and Artemis that always puts a smile on my face. The characters all have great chemistry, the storylines for the first season were clever, thought out, and reasonably challenging for the target audience. (Though not too complicated where you have no clue what’s going on) So, anytime I am beginning to feel my anxiety building I can throw ‘Ouran’, ‘Scooby-Doo’, or ‘Young Justice’ on the TV and instantly relax.

When I am just having a bad day, there are a few pieces of media I’ll turn to. First is something every nerd knows about: fanfiction. I read fanfiction for basically every media I enjoy, but there’s a specific kind I turn to when I need a smile:‘Percabeth’ fanfics. ‘Percabeth’ is the pairing of Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase from Rick Riordan’s ‘Percy Jackson and the Olympians’ series. I absolutely adore this couple more than words could describe. They’ve been through hell within their stories (I mean they’ve literally walked through Tartarus together). The fanfics I read give them the happiness and love they deserve. Instead of focusing on  battles and life-threatening situations, the fics I  read for this couple focus on the mundane. We get to see between the battles, helping bandage each other up and even watch them go through relationship growing pains. My favorite is glancing into their future, watching them live out their lives attending New Rome University together. Whatever the situation, seeing the creative stories fans write for these two never fails to make me smile.

The next thing I turn to on almost a daily basis (even when I’m not having a bad day) are ‘Smosh Videos’. I used to watch Smosh back when they first started on YouTube: Just two friends making silly skits and videos. I had no idea they eventually grew into a company with a whole cast, crew, and studio… until my friend put on an episode of ‘Eat It or Yeet It’ because they knew how picky an eater I am. Since then, I am always watching their newest videos. I even have the notifications on! The variety of their videos are fun and can appeal to many people. For example, you can find a plethora of new party games to play with friends from Smosh’s ‘Board AF’ series. Even my dad gets a laugh out of the crazy food crimes Garrett commits for ‘Eat It or Yeet It’!

My final piece of comfort media, the one that I truly hold closest to my heart, are ‘BTS Music and Videos’. Basically everyone has heard the name BTS, and there’s not really a need to explain why. They’re global superstars, not only for their music and talent, but because of their meaningful messages and love they share. I have so much to thank BTS for… they helped me begin to see my own worth and learn to love myself, they introduced me to a culture that led me to an amazing year of living abroad… and most importantly because of them I have two of the most important people in my life. Anytime I listen to BTS’ music or watch one of their videos I can’t help but smile. Nothing but good memories come from them, and that’s the ultimate comfort.

Comfort media can be different for everyone, and it can shift throughout our lives. However, one thing remains the same: These pieces of entertainment are a simple place to turn to when you just need to sit back, relax, and let the world fall away for a bit.

Thank you for reading! This is all simply my own opinion and thoughts on the concept of comfort media. I’d love to know your thoughts and what makes comforting entertainment for you! Feel free to comment and even share your comfort media too!

[pbandjesse]

Apologies for my posting So late. I just have had too much fun talking to my mom. What else is new.

I'm going to go to bed soon. But today has been a lovely day. Honestly I couldn't have asked for a better travel day, or a better trip so far.

It was still pretty hard to leave James. But they woke me up and gave me out goodbye. And then they went to work. And I slept until 9:30. I got up and I felt pretty good. I got dressed I picked up the apartment. And then I started making my trips down to the car to put the stuff from the wedding in there to take to store my parents. And I was ready to go by 10:15. Pretty proud of myself honestly.

When I got in the car though I put the GPS on and it said that there was closures on 95 and that the new route was the fastest and would take about 15 minutes more than normal. It's fine with me I wasn't in a rush. And so I headed to 83 like it wanted me to. And it took me the most bizarre way. I went 83 all the way up past camp to the Pennsylvania state line. I didn't have to go through Delaware at all. Instead it took me towards Harrisburg and then all the way to the Pennsylvania turnpike which I took all the way to my parents house. Honestly it was a super pleasant drive. I have no idea how much the toll is that I paid but beyond that it was great. No traffic interesting things to see. Lots of cows and sheep. Fun billboards. And it was basically going 80 the entire time. It was awesome.

I listen to two albums in a podcast. And I was having a blast. And I got to my parents around 1:00. I had a whole bunch of text messages to answer. Including ones from Jessica at work about different shifts this week. She wanted to know if I could do an outreach because someone else wasn't sure they were comfortable. But I really hate outreaches and so I declined and encouraged that the other person should be practicing since apparently they have asked to do more outreaches anyway. You're not always going to get to do them with another person so they really need to get over the fear of doing it alone. My fear is not a real fear mine is just anxiety. And I am perfectly capable of doing them I would just prefer not to and this person wants to do more. So Jessica was like that's cool and isn't going to make me do them.

That was really excited to see my parents. I came inside and I got settled and chilled on the couch with him for a long time. I didn't get to talk to my dad as much as I was hoping to but I spent a lot of time talking to my mom. We sat and talked for more than an hour and then I had to stop the conversation because I was so hungry. I had brought a couple cookies in the car with me but that it was all I had to eat so far. And so me and my mom drove over to saladworks. I drove us there and we sat and ate and talked about the wedding and I talked about the weird stuff that has been going on with family and work. And we talk about pictures and my feelings about stuff and our honeymoon coming up and all that. And it was just like a really lovely chat and meal. And I just love my mom very much.

We brought Dad a salad home. And We brought in the stuff from my car. We left it in the hallway and we would slowly start to bring it down later. I'll finish doing it in the morning. And then we all hung out on the couch. Watched a Netflix show. It's the watcher, which stresses me out a little bit. I don't know why but shows like I kind of give me anxiety. But I did like that I recognized a lot of the true cases that they were building this off of and so between episodes I got to fill my mom in on that kind of stuff. When Dad went to go change into pajamas I read Mom the entire Wikipedia article for John list and that crazy murder.

And before we start the next episode I grabbed my knitting and I worked on a few rows before Joanna texted me. She had texted me earlier in the day that she left work early because she wasn't feeling 100% and she was going to take a nap and then let me know about dinner. She didn't want to flake on me but I didn't want her to push herself too hard. But she would wake up and she had taken a Sudafed and felt well enough to chill with me for a little while. And I am so glad we did.

I had asked what she wanted to do for dinner and I didn't want to make her come all the way up here but she didn't want me to drive very far because I had driven all the way from Baltimore. And so we decided on friendly's for old times sake. And I told her to pick one and I would drive to it. The one she chose was in warminster and my GPS said it was only 17 minutes away. Dad argued that it was more like 40. But I pulled it up on the GPS and it seemed fine and we sniffed at each other for a few minutes but then I left. It turned out we were both right. It would be 40 minutes if I didn't take the turnpike but I did take the turnpike and it only cost me $2 so it wasn't the worst thing in the world. And I got there really quickly.

I did get there a few minutes before her which was fine. I chilled in the car and answered some texts and listen to music. And then she got there and I was so happy to see her.

And we were there for hours. We got there a couple minutes after 6:00 and we were there until 9:00. I left our waitress a very large tip because we were taking up the table space. And I don't know how I can keep reiterating this without feeling annoying to myself, but talking to her is like coming home. It's like taking a deep breath. And to talk to someone that knows you that deeply is so special. And I'm very lucky that my very intense relationships that I have with people can be beautiful like that even after years of being apart.

And that's really what this was. We were obviously like a little timid at first but I recognized myself so much in her and she recognized herself and me. When I was in college and I was very shy I told myself that people will like you more if you're more like Joanna. If you're bigger and brighter and more authentic with your personality, and more honest, people will love you. Because they loved her. And I think sometimes my "customer service Jesse" I put on at work or when I'm in the really good mood and very very comfortable, is just mirroring what Joanna used to be like. But at the same time Joanna says that she feels like throughout the last decade she's lost herself. And she's lost a lot of the socialization and she's been very isolated. And she sat her. But I hope us coming together can help fix that. It's going to take work. It takes a lot to maintain a relationship as an adult. Which is why I have so few friends but I think that this one is going to be worth it in the long run. I'm going to hold myself to that.

We just talked about everything. But each other about the wedding about life. I recognize that sometimes I talk about myself a lot. But it's not because I just want to talk about myself it's that I want you to tell me about you in return. But not everyone's comfortable doing that. So I told Joanna that I wanted her to tell me everything that she could about her life in the last couple years. I wanted her to give me a timeline. The last time we really seen each other was close to 2017, possibly 2018. And so she filled me in. About her jobs and an injury and her massive and impressive weight loss. Her surgeries and everything she's been through. The hardships and the things that she's found that she likes about herself and thinks that she's found that she doesn't. And some things that were really really sad and scary. And I realized how deeply she needs support. How much she came back into my life at the perfect time both for me and for her. And I really am so lucky that I know her still.

And it wasn't all intense. There were some silly stuff. Talking about how we were such mall kids and The culture that we grew up in and the way things were. We're like old ladies now. Talking about the good old days. But it wasn't even that. It was talking about how like we were very unsupervised. We were able to get away with so much. And how we both want to have kids and what that looks like. And how there isn't a rush but there still feels like there should be one and how the partners that we pick are not just our partners but they are future parents and how we view them and how a future adult will you their parents. And it was just like a beautiful conversation and I think we really got into some stuff that were very serious. And I wonder what the people around us were thinking because I'm sure they heard us. Honestly we probably would have sat there for the rest of the night if she wasn't tired and had a headache and honestly I think the restaurant was closing soon. We could have stayed there forever.

But I had to be the responsible adult and say that it was 9:00 p.m. and we needed to go. So I paid and we went to the parking lot and I showed her all my stickers on my car. And then we went home.

I got back here at 9:30, I texted her to let her know that I was safe. And then I got cleaned up. I washed my face and got changed and checked in with my dad. And he went to sleep and then I went down to the basement to hang out with Mom.

I found out the gray cat likes to drink from water bottles. And it was a bad decision, but I did share my water bottle with the cat and now my allergies are going crazy. But it was too funny to pass up. And then we just talked and talked and talked. I told her all about Tumblr stuff, and cold stuff, and Mom just lets me talk at her and I really enjoy it. She gets to hear basically every thought that I have. And I know, like I've been saying a lot lately, that I'm a lot. That I talk a lot and I talk too fast. But Mom says I'm entertaining. So at least I know I'm not boring her. And towards the end of the night while talking I told her about my experience a few weeks ago when I got a little out of hand. And I read her a couple text conversations and let her listen to a couple of audio notes where I was very ridiculous. And we were laughing and just having such a funny moment together. I'm really glad that I get these moments with my mom. These late night talks are very precious to me.

But we were both very worried that my post was not going up yet. And yes technically it is the next day but I have not gone to bed yet so it still counts. So I hope you all sleep good tonight. I'm hanging out with Jess tomorrow and we're going to paint pottery hopefully and it's going to be a good day. And then I'll go home and I get to see my James again. Sleep well everyone. Be careful out there.