#it's mostly 'i need everyone to pay attention to me right now'

[daz4i]

hobbies include lamenting loneliness even when it is easily avoidable

[girlgenius1111]

wise beyond her years

sol meets someone, and it's doomed from the start. everyone can see it, except her. ingrid tries to balance being supportive and being... a parent?

based [ish] on the manuscript by taylor swift... mostly the lyrics "afterwards she only ate kids cereal and couldn't sleep unless it was in her mother's bed"

------

You met her at one of Ingrid’s games. Mapi had gone down to the locker room at halftime, and you’d been content to sit in your seat and scroll through your phone until the team made their way back out. That was, until she slid into the seat next to you and introduced herself. 

Camila. She was a bit taller than you, the epitome of Spanish beauty. She spoke English with an adorable accent, and when you looked into her eyes for the first time, you were almost speechless. She looked to be a bit older than you. Maybe around Ingrid’s age. 

You should have known better. You should have thought about how odd it was that she’d been sitting a few rows up and only came to talk to you when you were alone. How those first few dates she took you on always ended with her getting you to invite her to the next Barça game. 

It was so easy for her. You were… healing. That didn't mean that you were healed. Freud would have rolled in his grave at how oblivious you were. Dating an older woman. Only a month or so after a huge fallout with your mother. Letting her talk you into things you weren’t quite sure about. Let her talk her way into your heart, making promises and declarations of love that came much too soon. 

She said that she loved you. And it wasn’t that you believed her, not really. You just thought that if you tried hard enough to be perfect, one day she would love you.

------

Ingrid had made her displeasure with Camila known to you from the beginning. She knew exactly what the woman was up to, it was obvious to everyone but you. She was using you because you were an easy target, and you were vulnerable and young and excited that someone was paying attention to you. 

You wouldn’t listen to Ingrid, though. Not when she warned you nicely about Camila, or when she warned you much more seriously. You ignored her words completely, dismissed them. And Ingrid didn’t want to fight with you, but she couldn’t hold back her feelings about this woman that had slipped into your life, so poor Mapi bore the brunt of the Norwegian’s rants about how Camila was not good enough for her Solstråle. 

This was the case today. You were off with Camila, and Ingrid was going crazy back home. It had been weeks, and this was still going on. The worry and concern your sister had for you was at a high, it was all she could think about. Mapi felt similarly, but she tried to keep her cool because she knew very well that telling you not to date the woman would only make you want to date her more. 

“She’s going to get hurt.” Ingrid said. 

“She might. That’s how she learns, though, mi amor. We have to let her make her own mistakes.” 

“Did you read that in your parenting book?” Ingrid asked with a slight smirk. 

Mapi flushed red, avoiding her girlfriend’s gaze. “It is not a parenting book. It is a… helping sad teens book.” She argued. 

Ingrid softened. “María, don’t be embarrassed. Getting a book to learn how to help Solstråle better… that is sweet and thoughtful. Just like you.” 

Now, Mapi was blushing again, but this time a small smile adorned her features, though worry was still clouding her eyes. “Are you sure it’s okay? I know she’s your sister, and I do not want to overstep.” 

Ingrid just shook her head. “No, you are not overstepping. I couldn’t do this without you, María, and I mean that. You balance me out. I was worried, for a while, about being too much like my mother. You’d never let that happen, though, and it’s like a safety net. I don’t need to worry as much about making a mistake because you’re always there to tell me when I’m not doing the right thing. And you don’t have to be, but you are. I don’t thank you enough for that, my love. I don’t tell you enough, how incredible you are,  for being so full of love, and so happy to share it with everyone you meet.” 

“I love you.” María whispered back. “I love you, and I love mi sol, and I tolerate her dog, but I love our family. Sol is a special kid and… I don’t know. I just want you both to be happy. I want you both to feel loved and worthy of love because you are.” 

Ingrid isn’t quite sure how this conversation about your ‘girlfriend’ had led to this incredibly mushy conversation, but she pulled Mapi into her and squeezed tightly. “ Don’t make me cry, Solstråle will be home soon and she’ll make fun of me.”

Mapi laughed loudly, quickly wiping a tear off Ingrid’s cheek as the front door opened, announcing your arrival home. When you walked into the living room, it was to see Mapi and Ingrid curled up together on the couch, which wasn’t an unusual sight. Nor was the way they were looking at each other unusual, either. Like seeing the other person smile could sustain the other for days. Ingrid and Mapi loved each other so deeply, and so easily, it was clear for anyone to see. 

You wanted that, you really did. And you thought you had it where you definitely didn’t. You’d have it one day, though. Something told you that. 

-------

You weren’t sitting with Mapi at the match today. Camila had wanted it to be a real date, and not be supervised by your sister’s girlfriend, though she still wanted to attend the match. You’d been excited about it, even though you’d spent most of your free time with her in the past couple weeks. Well, excited until she’d disappeared right before kick off to get you both waters, and had been gone for 20 minutes. 

You were really just worried that something had happened to slow her down, so you got up when an opposing player went down and headed off in search of her. 

You found her pretty easily, leaning against a wall by the bathroom, talking to a girl. A girl that looked to be about your age, that looked just like you in fact. You tried not to jump to conclusions as you froze, watching carefully from a few meters away. It was obvious, though, what was going on. Even more obvious when Camila reached out and tucked a piece of the girl’s hair behind her ear.

 It wasn’t immediately clear to you what to do. You knew you should be angry, but really all you felt was hurt. Before Camila could spot you, you headed back to your seat, and when Camila returned a few minutes later, you did what you were used to. You shut down. You answered her questions with shrugs or nods, even when she started to get annoyed that you weren’t speaking. 

You wanted to talk to Frido. Not Ingrid or Mapi, because they’d freak out. Mapi would get all weirdly protective and huffy, and Ingrid would just be furious that you hadn’t listened to her. Frido would listen to you, and tell you what to do. You couldn’t get to the Swede, though, not without seeing your sister and her girlfriend. And by the time the final whistle blew, Camila’s anger was simmering under the surface, and she practically dragged you from the stadium. You quickly texted Mapi, telling her you were leaving with Camila, before your girlfriend pushed you into the car and all but slammed the door. You winced at the sound, knowing that you shouldn’t feel guilty for how you were acting. Camila should be the one feeling bad, but you couldn’t help the nagging feeling to just apologize and let it go. 

It was like the old version of you and the newer version were fighting. Was this how you deserved to be treated? Had Camila really done anything wrong? Your brain was a mess, and as Camila pulled the car out of the parking spot, and began to drive, you decided that you just needed some space to think. 

“Can you take me home?” You asked quietly, looking at your girlfriend out of the corner of your eye. She seemed to relax a bit, now that you’d spoken. Camila didn’t look as angry anymore. Just worried. 

“Is everything okay? You’ve gone silent on me.” Camila asked gently. Or, at least, it sounded gentle. She was giving you a kind, concerned smile but there was a look in her eyes that made you kind of uneasy. You ignored it, focusing on the softness, letting yourself be lulled into a false sense of security. You told yourself to be honest, that it was probably just a misunderstanding. That Camila would make you feel better about it, explain it all away. And everything would go back to normal. 

“I just… I saw you talking to that girl by the bathroom. It looked kind of cozy.” You said cautiously. The car came upon an intersection, a red light, and Camila came to a stop before she looked over at you. The concern was gone from her face. The softness nowhere to be found. She just looked furious at you. 

“Did you follow me to the bathroom for a reason?” She asked venomously. 

You shook your head, surprised at the turn this conversation had taken. “No, no, you were gone for a while, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

Camila rolled her eyes as the light turned green, looking away from you and at the road. “Sure. I was just saying hi to an old friend. There’s no need to get all jealous.” 

“I’m not jealous.” You replied, sitting up straighter in your seat, a bit of anger flaring in you. Anger you hadn’t felt in a while, but a feeling that still filled your veins with fire. “I just wanted to know why you were flirting with someone while we were on a date.” 

Camila scoffed. “I was not flirting. I told you it was an old friend. I barely talked to her, what are you being so dramatic about?” 

“I really don’t think I’m being dramatic. I just asked you a question.” You said, trying to remain calm even as your girlfriend got angrier and angrier next to you. 

“No, you acted like a child. Going completely silent and ruining our date? I know you’re young, but I expected you to act like an adult and be more mature than that. It’s honestly embarrassing.” 

You felt your cheeks burn, and you chewed on your lip for a minute, trying not to say anything you’d regret. “I asked you a question, and you just keep deflecting. I don’t think I am being the childish one.” 

“Is this the mommy issues or something?” Camila asked, a cruel smile playing on her lips. You sat silent for a moment, not completely sure you’d heard her correctly. 

“Excuse me?” 

“The jealousy, the insecurity? I know your mom fucked you up, but this is ridiculous. We’ve only been together for a few weeks, why are you being so clingy? It’s fucking annoying, and I’ll tell you right now, no one on earth is going to want to put up with this. Especially not from you, it’s not worth it.” 

You blinked, completely shocked. You hadn’t expected her to get so angry when you’d been honest about your insecurity and worry. And you hadn’t expected her to throw things that you’d told her in a moment of vulnerability in your face either. “Are you serious?” You asked, voice cracking slightly. 

Camila let out a humorless laugh, parking the car in front of the cafe you were supposed to be going to. “Are you going to cry now?” She asked mockingly. “Christ, you really are too young. I don’t want to date someone this immature.”

You stared at her, feeling like you had whiplash from the turn this conversation had taken. It seemed like she was breaking up with you. Which was probably for the best, if this was how she reacted to you bringing up an issue with her. Still, it was like you were seeing a side of her you’d never seen before. Cold. Cruel. She looked completely unbothered as she unlocked the car doors and gave you a pointed look, one that clearly told you that this conversation was over. 

She looked unbothered, and you felt  your heart shatter as your biggest fear was coming true. You were too much. It had only taken Camila weeks to get tired of you. Hot tears fell down your cheeks, ones you desperately tried to hide. You were sad and embarrassed, but most of all. You just felt so hopeless. 

As you got out of the car, without another word said to your now ex-girlfriend, you wondered how you could have been so naive to think that someone would want you. Camila was right. You were too screwed up for anyone to choose you. 

You walked right into the cafe, making a beeline for the bathroom. Locking and shutting the door behind you, the last of your resolve broke, and you worked hard to quiet the broken sobs falling from your lips. 

Stupid. You’d been so stupid. It wasn’t the first time someone had broken your trust, or said something awful to you. But it was the first time since… things had changed. And somehow, you’d forgotten how much it hurt, feeling unwanted. You had been used to it, before, numb to it. Now, though, it burned sharp in your chest. Shame and sadness and anger and frustration. And still. That persistent feeling of hopelessness. How was anyone ever supposed to want you?

-------

Mapi had a weird feeling when you called. Your text after the match had sounded odd, and you were supposed to be getting coffee with Camila. She didn’t really have any other reason to be worried, but for some reason, she was. 

“Maps?” You greeted quietly. You called Mapi on purpose. She worried less than Ingrid, and while she disapproved of Camila, she had been pretending that she didn’t. Mapi was more likely to be willing to come and get you. Ingrid, on the other hand, you assumed would be too angry that you hadn’t listened to her. Too vindicated, and too caught up in being right to comfort you. 

“Hey, nena. What’s up?” Mapi asked. 

“Can you come get me?” You mumbled, the embarrassment of the situation really hitting you full force. 

“Send me your location, I’m on my way.” Mapi replied instantly, and you really appreciated that she didn’t try to get any details out of you, was just focused on getting to you as fast as possible. 

“Can you bring Scout?” You asked after a moment’s hesitation, knowing how Mapi felt about bringing the dog in the car with her. The simple question sent another wave of worry through the Spaniard’s body, knowing you really only asked for something you needed when… you really needed it. 

“Of course. Do you want to stay on the phone with me?” Mapi asked, rushing to grab her keys, ignoring the questioning look Ingrid was giving her from the couch, having woken up from a nap. 

“No, it’s okay. I’ll see you soon.” 

“Okay, mi sol. I love you.” 

“Love you too.” You whispered, choking back a sob as you hung up. 

“What is it? Where is she? Is she okay? Did something happen?” Ingrid asked rapidly, moving to get up from the couch. 

“Scout! Ven aqui!” Mapi called, rolling her eyes when the dog appeared instantly, as if he knew the reason for being summoned. “I don’t know, she just asked me to come get her. Don’t get up. Stay here, rest. I’ll get pequeña.” 

“But-” 

“No buts, princesa. Stay here. I’ve got this covered, we’ll be back soon. Don’t move from this couch, I mean it.” Mapi insisted, never one to take Ingrid’s recovery casually. 

Ingrid frowned but sat back down on the couch, watching as her girlfriend and your dog disappeared out the front door, both of them moving like they were on a mission. If there was one thing Mapi could agree with Scout on, it was that you were very important.

-------

When Mapi pulled up in front of the cafe, she saw you sitting with a to-go cup of coffee at a little table, staring at the ground. She parked quickly, finding a spot just around the corner,  before she got out to walk over to you, bringing Scout with her. Scout pulled harshly on his leash, and for once, Mapi didn’t mind. 

“Solstråle?” Mapi called when she got close enough, seeing your head whip up to look in the direction of your name. In a flash, you were abandoning your coffee and all but launching yourself towards Mapi. The Spaniard didn’t say anything, not quite sure what had happened but able to infer that it wasn’t good. 

“Thanks for coming so fast.” You said quietly, feeling just marginally better now that Mapi had pulled you into a tight hug. Scout nudged your leg with his nose rather insistently, until you pulled away from the hug and crouched down to pet him. 

“Of course, mi sol. I’ll always come for you. Did something happen?” Mapi asked, never not amazed by the way Scout instantly brought a small smile to your face, even if your eyes were still slightly wet with tears. 

“We broke up.” You said simply, though your voice cracked over the last word. 

“Oh, nena. I’m so sorry.” Mapi sighed. “Let's get you home, yeah?” 

“Okay.” You agreed, although you really weren’t looking forward to it. You wanted to go home, curl up into a ball and cry, by yourself. At the same time, you desperately wanted a hug from your sister. You were just completely convinced that she wouldn’t be willing to do that. 

-------

You walked into the house just behind Mapi, trying to take deep, steadying breaths. You were close to breaking down, and you didn’t really need to hear all the reasons that Ingrid had known this would happen. You didn’t need an ‘I told you so.’ 

Your sister was waiting for you in the entrance hall, pacing nervously, when you walked in. 

“Solstråle! What happened? Are you okay?” Ingrid asked as soon as you were through the door, ignoring Mapi’s look that was clearly telling her to be cool. 

“It’s fine, I’m fine. I want to be alone.” You said, pushing past her to head for the stairs. You heard Ingrid begin to go after you, but Mapi stopped her, telling her to give you a minute. 

-------

You collapsed onto your bed, Scout jumping up next to you like he thought it was a game. You just wished it would just swallow you up. It was only a few minutes later that you heard footsteps approaching your door, like you knew they would. A soft knock on your door interrupted your crying, and you hastily wiped at your eyes. “Yeah?”

Ingrid peaked her head in. “I know you said you want to be alone, but I just wanted to check…” she said, trailing off when she saw you valiantly fighting your tears. 

“I’m okay.” You mumbled, focusing on petting Scout, as opposed to looking at your sister. 

“Honey, you aren’t.” Ingrid sighed, moving in closer to take a seat on the edge of your bed. “You’re upset, that’s okay. You don’t need to be embarrassed.” 

“Well, I am. You were right. Is that what you wanted to hear?” You asked bitingly, not really intending to snap so harshly at your sister, but not quite sure you felt like you could trust her at the moment. 

“No, sweetheart, that is not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to be wrong about her, solstråle, more than anything. I am so sorry things didn’t end well.” 

“You aren’t glad that you’re right?” You asked, astonished. It didn't really make sense to you; all of this could have been avoided if you’d just listened to your sister. How could she be sorry for you when you’d blatantly ignored her advice? 

Ingrid shook her head, her face painfully full of pity and sympathy. “No, not if it means that you’re hurting.” 

“Oh.” You weren’t quite sure what to do with that. You’d been prepared to deal with this yourself. To be completely honest, you didn’t really feel like you deserved Ingrid’s support. You’d been so stupid not to listen to her. This was all your fault, really, and Ingrid shouldn’t have to deal with implications of something that was ultimately your mistake. “I’m sorry, I should have listened.” You said quietly, looking down, refusing to make eye contact with your sister. 

“Don’t be sorry, solstråle.” Ingrid sighed. You looked so distraught, but you were leaning slightly away from your sister, like you were afraid to accept any comfort from her. Like suddenly, you weren’t sure you trusted her anymore. And though that hurt, Ingrid really couldn’t blame you. Not when the universe seemed so dead set on making you miserable. “What can I do?” 

“I just want to be alone.” You mumbled, wrapping your arms around yourself, completely invalidating your statement. 

“No, you don’t. Look at me.” Ingrid instructed, waiting until you raised your head to look at her, very cautiously. “You’re allowed to be sad about this. No matter what happened, no matter what I said about her before. I never want to see you hurting. You don’t have to deal with this alone just because you made a mistake. Okay?” 

You held your sister’s gaze for a few moments, before you slowly nodded your head. “I really liked her.” You whispered after a minute, leaning almost imperceptibly towards your sister. 

“I know. Come here, honey,” Ingrid said, opening her arms for you to all but collapse into them. It was familiar, at this point, being held tightly in Ingrid’s arms. It never failed to make you feel better. And while Ingrid wished that things would just be easier for you, a very critical part of herself settled when you relaxed against her. The brunette was never quite sure she was doing a good enough job with you, but when you went to her when you were upset, allowed her to help you, even if it was rather hesitantly, it felt reassuring to her. It wasn’t full trust, but you were getting there. She must be doing something right if you were making progress. 

“What would make you feel better?” Ingrid asked after a minute, smiling to herself at how Scout had settled himself with half his upper body draped across your legs. 

“Nothing.” You replied pathetically. It wasn’t the first relationship you’d had, but it felt so much more significant than any of the others had. In just a few weeks, Camila had made herself one of the most important things in your life. You weren’t really sure how she managed it, but somehow, she’d gotten you to confess things you’d told very few people, learned more about you than many people did. And as soon as things had started to not go her way, she’d used all those things against you. It was the first time in a while that you’d really let yourself be fully vulnerable with someone, and it had backfired so horrifically. You were hurt, and you were embarrassed, but most of all, you were just sad. 

You thought this was going to be a turning point for you, but you didn’t realize you’d given Camila all of the ammunition she’d needed to make sure it was the biggest setback you’d face. Not until you were lying in your bed, wanting nothing more than to disappear. You’d been nothing to her. That was a familiar feeling, something that made every cell in your body squirm with anxiety. It was happening again. 

“What are you thinking?” Ingrid asked, interrupting your rapid stream of thoughts. 

“Is it me? Do I just… make people want to treat me badly?” You asked. It wasn’t the first time you’d considered it, but that particular fear had been dormant since everything had happened in the last few weeks. Since Ingrid and Mapi had made it clear that they wanted you here with them. It was confusing and completely contradictory, your brain couldn’t really make sense of it. Your sister and her girlfriend must just be the exception. 

“No.” Ingrid said firmly. “No. It isn’t you. You just have… bad luck. You make me and Mapi want to be better, Solstråle. Better for you, so that we can take care of you in the way that you deserve. You are good, Solstråle, and you deserve good, even when you don’t feel like it.” 

For some reason, Ingrid’s words brought tears to your eyes. Good tears. “Well, I can’t have all bad luck. I get to be here with you two, and I don’t know if I would still be…” you trailed off, trying to figure out what you wanted to say. “You both saved my life, I think. The two of you wanting me here, and taking me in, that’s good luck.” You managed, sitting up and shifting so you were facing your sister, who looked one word away from bursting into tears herself. 

“It’s not good luck, mi sol. It’s what you deserve. It’s what you should have had this whole time.” Mapi chimed in from the doorway, looking fondly at the two of you. Ingrid smiled at her in thanks, humming quietly in agreement with her girlfriend’s statement. The Spaniard wandered in closer, flopping onto the free space on your bed, causing a disgruntled Scout to shift, kicking Mapi lightly in the side. “That girl did not deserve you. And you’ll find someone who wants to treat you the way you deserve. You just can’t rush stuff like that, sí? It will come to you when it does.” 

It was potentially the most frustrating advice to receive, but it made you feel better nonetheless. 

“And she was kind of ugly.” Mapi said as an afterthought. 

“Mapi!” You laughed, smiling a real smile. Both girls’ faces lit up at the sight of the smile on your face, and both of them were desperate for you to keep smiling, for your face not to fall into the sad frown it had been in for the past hour. The conversation lulled, and Ingrid’s mind raced, trying to think of what people liked to do after breakups. She’d been with Mapi for so long, she wasn’t sure she remembered. 

“Do you want to lay in bed alone for the rest of your night, or do you want to watch a movie? Or we could go get ice cream. Or we could go shopping. Or on a run. Or-” Ingrid listed, only stopping when you cut her off. 

“Sister movie night sounds good.” You said softly, unable to express in that moment how much you appreciated how hard she was trying. You knew ingrid probably wanted to talk, to hear everything that had happened, but she was learning to respect that you really only liked to talk when you felt like it. Which wasn’t often. 

“Sister movie night, cool.” Ingrid said, trying to act like she wasn’t thrilled that you’d decided to be with her instead of requesting to be alone. “Go pick a movie, I’ll make popcorn.” 

You all dragged yourselves off your soft comforter, having grown rather comfortable, and headed for your bedroom door. 

“I’ll be in the garage.” Mapi said, smiling at both of you as she tried to wordlessly communicate that she knew you both wanted sister time, and it was okay that it didn’t include her. Both you and Ingrid froze, though, turning slightly to stare at her like she’d said something absurd. 

“Don’t be stupid.” You said, rolling your eyes. “‘Sister movie night’ obviously means ‘sister and her live-in girlfriend’ movie night.” 

Mapi looked a bit surprised, though she shouldn’t have been. There were very few times that you just wanted to be with Ingrid, and those times were becoming less and less frequent as you began to depend on Mapi more and more. “You want me to watch with you?” 

“Sí.” You said, almost exasperated. “Why wouldn’t I want you to hangout with us?”

“I just thought it was Engen sister time…” Mapi trailed off, looking uncharacteristically insecure.  

“Engen León family time.” Ingrid amended, looking at you for approval. You nodded. 

“Who else is going to talk the entire length of the film?” You asked, smirking and sprinting off down the stairs when Mapi gave you an offended look, Scout hot on your heels. 

------

The movie had been a good distraction, not that Mapi or Ingrid really paid much attention to it. Instead, they kept glancing over at where you were curled up on the couch. Scout had taken his place next to you, one of his legs stretching out every now and then to kick in Mapi’s direction. 

The conversation with them had obviously made you feel better, but they were still rather uneasy. You were acting completely normally, all of a sudden. And they didn’t buy it, not for a second. They weren’t sure what had happened, because you hadn’t said, but they knew that it wasn’t good. You’d been infatuated with Camila, and now you were reluctant to speak her name. Whatever had gone on had hurt you, deeply, but in the span of a few hours, you were acting like you were completely fine. 

To you, it just felt like there was no use in thinking about it anymore. Crying over what happened, being sad or angry with Camila wouldn’t help you. It wouldn’t make you feel better. You’d very logically taken stock of your emotions, before deciding that they were completely useless. You were fine. 

Well, maybe not, but you would be fine. Especially if you acted like nothing was wrong. Like you weren’t questioning every choice you’d made with Camila. Like you didn’t hate yourself. Emotions only had power if you gave it to them, you decided. Before, you might have been angry. Now, though, you just… forced it all off, far away. No feeling anything until it hurt less to think about what had happened. 

It seemed like a good plan to you, and you stuck to it. Even when you couldn’t fall asleep that night, your mind swirling with horrible thoughts as you tried to push them away. Eventually, you gave up, putting on a show and forcing yourself to focus on that, instead. 

It was obvious that you hadn’t slept the next morning, walking down to the kitchen like a zombie. Ingrid and Mapi were hoping you’d be a little more forthcoming with what had occurred today, but all hopes of that went out the window when you avoided eye contact with them, a hood pulled over your head, dark bags under your eyes. At least you there was no school, as you had the day off, but they had training, training they couldn’t miss. Neither of them felt very good about leaving you home alone, with no idea what was going on in your head. 

You were blankly shoveling cereal into your mouth when Ingrid got your attention. 

“Solstråle!” She said rather loudly. You jumped slightly, looking across the table at her in confusion. “I said your name 5 times. Did you not hear me?” 

Ingrid didn’t sound mad, just worried, and you felt your throat tighten. 

No. No. No tears. No sadness. That wouldn’t help. Self pity wouldn’t help. The only thing to do was to move forward. 

“Sorry. I’m just tired. Had coffee too late yesterday, couldn't sleep.” You mumbled, turning your attention back to the ceramic bowl in front of you. Your thoughts wandered, briefly, to the fact that since you’d moved in, there hadn’t been a single day where there wasn’t a box of your favorite cereal in the pantry. You really must have been feeling the complete lack of sleep, because that thought alone almost had you tearing up. 

“Come to training today. María is out on the grass, again, you can watch.” Ingrid suggested softly. 

You shook your head though, swallowing the lump in your throat. You didn’t want to be far from them, but you also knew that if they kept being so nice to you, you weren’t going to be able to keep it together. 

“I’m really tired, I just want to stay here.” You replied.  Ingrid looked like she wanted to argue, but Mapi nodded from where she stood at the fridge, filling her water.

“That’s okay. Stay here, have a chill day. We’ll be back after lunch.” She walked over to you, squeezing your shoulder kindly. The Spaniard said goodbye, before exiting the kitchen. Ingrid hung back, not really caring at all that she might make them late. 

Your sister stood from her spot at the table, and you mumbled a quiet goodbye, only looking up when she came to stand right next to you. Her hand pulled your hood down, her fingers tilting your chin up to look at her. Her face was pinched with concern, and you felt a pang of guilt that you were doing this again. Making them worry about you. 

“Try to sleep or something? You looked exhausted, sweetheart. No runs or hikes or climbs, please. Just stay here?” Ingrid asked, making sure to frame her request as a question, and not a command. 

“Okay.” You agreed, far too tired to even think about any of those things. You knew Ingrid just wanted you to stay where she knew you were, which was fine. You were honestly just surprised she hadn’t dragged you to training with her. 

She lightly patted your cheek, leaning down to kiss your forehead. “Be good. I love you.” 

“Love you too. Play safe.” 

You were wide awake, completely wired. Even as everything inside of you told you that you should be tired, you felt like you might never sleep again. You kept your promise to your sister, though, collapsing onto the couch and putting a show on. Scout came to lay with you, falling asleep easily in your lap. You were jealous of your dog, you realized. It was an amusing thought, but all you felt was… Empty. Nothing. Because if you let yourself laugh, you were sure it would turn into sobs, and you couldn’t do that. 

You just had to be strong.

-------

You got into bed early that night, hoping that the added time laying down would help you fall asleep. You were so exhausted, truly, but as you laid in bed at 8pm, you knew instinctively that you wouldn’t be able to sleep again. Everytime you drifted off, your thoughts drifted too, and you’d jerk awake, struck with a reminder of what Camila had said. Her words were haunting you. Everytime you closed your eyes, you could see the sneer on her face as she spoke, and hear the cruel words she’d spoken. 

You were beginning to think she was right about you. How were you so screwed up after a relationship ended that had only lasted a few weeks to begin with? You thought you loved her, yes, but you were being dramatic. You shouldn’t be this devastated, and in your head, this only reinforced that idea that Camila had been right. You were too immature. You were too messed up. No one was ever going to want to deal with you. 

A soft knock on your door dragged you out of your thoughts, thankfully. 

“Come in,” you called. Mapi pushed the door open, taking in the rather unnaturally clean room around her. You’d gone crazy cleaning the night before, putting away all the clothes strewn across the floor. It was neat and clutter free in there now, and Mapi’s heart melted at the sight of the framed photo on your nightstand. It was of the three of you, a candid that Frido had taken after a match. It was little things like this that made Mapi deeply happy, and deeply sad all at once. For six months you’d lived here, and they’d given you the space they thought you needed. It was so far from what you actually needed, though, and Mapi couldn’t help the guilt that filled her at the thought. All she and Ingrid could do now, though, was do better. 

So, she entered your room, holding out a mug towards you. It was the one she’d picked out at Ikea, the one with the map and the sun. You knew for a fact that you’d used it this morning for your coffee, which meant Mapi must have pulled it out of the dishwasher and hand washed it herself, so she could bring it up to you. 

“I made you tea.” She said, taking a seat on the edge of your bed as you grabbed the mug from her. 

“Did you think caffeine would help me sleep?” You asked skeptically. 

She rolled her eyes. “No, idiota, it is sleepytime tea. There’s no caffeine.” 

You took a cautious sip, smiling a bit when you liked the taste. 

“My mami always made it for me when I couldn’t sleep.” Mapi said quietly. “Thought it might help tonight since you decided to become nocturnal yesterday.” 

Ingrid and Mapi really toed the line of parent vs. sister / guardian. It was often a sisterly relationship, you thought, with both of them. When you would tease each other, or argue about borrowing their clothes. Other times, it felt completely parent-y. When they’d make you go to bed early, or annoy you about studying for a test. 

This situation definitely fell into the latter category, and you found that you minded it less and less. 

“It’s good.” You told her, taking another sip. “And I didn’t decide to become nocturnal. It just kind of happened.”

Mapi hummed, looking around the room again. You just had the string lights above your bed on, the room lit also by the soft glow of the TV, as your favorite sitcom played. You’d lit a candle, and you were bundled up under the covers of your bed, clearly trying hard to be comfortable. Clearly trying very hard to sleep. 

You looked so tired, it made her heart ache, and she knew Ingrid felt the same. Ingrid, who Mapi was absolutely sure was hovering outside the door, not wanting to overwhelm you. You seemed… fragile. Like you were one step away from breaking at any given moment, and neither of them wanted that to happen before you were ready. Ingrid was just as worried about you, though, and she’d only agreed not to go in if Mapi promised to make you promise something. 

“Can you promise to wake us up tonight if you can’t sleep?” Mapi said finally, looking intently at you. 

With a sigh, you shrugged. “What good would that do?”

“You wouldn’t have to be alone.” Mapi said simply, watching as a flicker of emotion flashed across your face. You didn’t have to be alone anymore. Sometimes you forgot. “If you don’t promise, Ingrid is probably going to come in here every hour or something and check on you.” 

With a roll of your eyes, and a big sigh that you didn’t really mean, you nodded. “Fine.” 

“Good.” Mapi grinned. “Goodnight, mi sol. Te quiero.” 

“Goodnight.” You replied. “Tell Ingrid in the hall goodnight too.” 

The Spaniard chuckled. “I will. Sleep tight.”

With that, she leaned down, pressing a kiss onto your forehead, before she slipped out of the room. Hushed whispers came from the hall and you smiled to yourself, just a bit. Ingrid was such a weirdo sometimes. 

-------

It was around 2am when you broke. You’d tried everything you could think of to fall asleep, and nothing had worked. Worse, the lack of sleep was really getting to you and you were feeling ridiculously emotional. When you promised Mapi you’d wake them up if you couldn’t sleep again, you hadn’t meant it. Now, though, as you lay awake in your bed, tears threatening to fall, you really didn’t want to be alone. You weren’t sure how they could help, or even if you wanted help, but you knew that the indisputably healthy choice to make here would be to go to them. And you were trying to be better for yourself. 

Even as Camila’s words rattled around in your head, and you were half convinced you were an awful person, about to become even worse by waking Ingrid and Mapi up, you got up from your bed, and walked down the hall. 

There were a lot of notable moments in your time in Spain. A lot of them consisted of long, emotional talks with Ingrid and Mapi. And you knew that this was likely what you were headed for. It was naive to think you could hold everything that had happened in, keep it all to yourself. Especially when you’d kind of gotten used to sharing things with them, as horrifying as that thought was. You weren’t nervous, like usual, though. You just wanted them to tell you that everything she’d said was wrong. 

Scout followed you down the hall, slightly annoyed that you’d woken him up when you got up. He liked to sleep with some part of him touching you, so it was inevitable that when you woke, Scout did too. Your sister’s bedroom door was open, and you peeked in, half second guessing yourself. Both of them were asleep. It was a cool night, by Barcelona’s standards, which was obvious by Mapi’s sweatshirt and sweatpants that she’d worn to bed, as well as the extra blanket pulled over her. Ingrid, on the other hand, had kicked the comforter off of her, sleeping in just a tshirt and shorts. They were laying facing each other, their hands tangled together, like they’d fallen asleep talking. 

They were sleeping. They’d had a long week. They had training the following day. You shouldn’t wake them. They looked comfortable and peaceful, and you shouldn’t ruin that. You turned to go back to your room, biting your lip to stop yourself from crying at how utterly alone you suddenly felt. 

You were sure you hadn’t made any noise, but still, a whispered voice stopped you in your tracks. 

“Solstråle?” Ingrid asked quietly, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, go back to sleep.” You said, trying to keep your voice steady. It evidently didn’t work, because not a second later, Ingrid was flicking the lamp on, looking at you with a sympathetic expression on her face. Next to your sister, her girlfriend huffed in annoyance, still practically asleep, pulling the covers up and over her head. Ingrid rolled her eyes, before fixing her attention back on you.

“Come here.” Ingrid instructed, gesturing you closer to the bed. You walked over, feeling ridiculously like a small child waking their parents up after a bad dream. “You can’t sleep?”

“No.” You said miserably, roughly wiping away a stray tear. 

“How can I help? Do you want to talk?” She asked worriedly, brutally kicking Mapi in the shin as she did so, thinking that her girlfriend would be somewhat helpful in this situation, even if she was half asleep. The Spaniard grumbled unhappily, but emerged from under the covers just as you responded. 

“I don’t know, I just can’t stop thinking about her.” You whispered, truly not confident that anything could make you feel better in that moment. 

Mapi sat up, patting the middle of the bed invitingly. It was a king, and there was plenty of room, but you looked between her and Ingrid skeptically. 

“I’m not a child.” You said a bit harshly, thinking of Camila calling you immature. If only she could see you now. 

“We know. You just broke up with your girlfriend, though, and you haven’t slept in over a day. You are sad and exhausted, and it isn’t childish to need help.” Mapi said kindly, very dramatically scooching over so there was more room for you. 

You floundered for a minute, not quite sure what to do. You were an adult. An adult. And Ingrid and Mapi were not your parents. The appeal was there, though, to climb into the bed and tell them everything. To let yourself break when you knew they’d keep track of all the pieces, and put you back together. “Can I have more tea?” You blurted out, looking at Mapi. You weren’t really sure where that came from, but she nodded enthusiastically, rising from the bed, practically taking off for the kitchen in a sprint. 

“I’ll go make some!” 

You turned back to Ingrid, chewing aggressively on your lip. She rolled her eyes at you, teasingly, before she pointendly looked between you and the bed. 

“Get in the damn bed.” Ingrid sighed. It was easier, when she was telling you exactly what to do, because you didn’t have to worry about picking the wrong answer. You settled on the bed, right in the middle, and Ingrid threw an arm around your shoulders, pulling you to lean your head on her shoulder. 

“Ingrid?” You said after a minute, so quietly, your sister almost missed it. 

“Hmm?” 

“Do you think I’m immature?” You asked. 

Ingrid thought for a moment. “No. I think you’ve had to grow up really fast, and you’ve had to make a lot of big adjustments. You are more mature because of all of that. Why?”

You knew she would hate what you were going to say. “Camila said I was.” 

Ingrid grew tense next to you. “That’s because she was a 26 year old woman dating an 18 year old. What was she fucking expecting?” Ingrid said venomously. 

Mapi walked back into the room, taking care to be quiet, as it looked like you were deep in thought. She placed the mug of tea on her nightstand before she sat on the bed next to you, turning so she could see your face.

“Did she say anything else?” Ingrid asked cautiously. 

You opened your mouth to tell her that, no, Camila hadn’t said anything else. Instead, words flowed out of your mouth that you hadn’t decided to say, but you were unable to contain them. “She called me jealous and immature. She said the ‘mommy issues’ were really obvious, that I was insecure and clingy, and that I wasn’t worth it. That no one would want to put up with me.” 

You said it so forlornly, so resigned to what this awful woman had told you, Ingrid felt an anger she’d never experienced before rise within her. Neither she nor Mapi knew what to say right away, collecting their thoughts. You broke the silence again, though, after only a few seconds. 

“I think she’s right.” You said, your voice breaking clearly. You pressed your hands to your face, body shaking with silent sobs. 

“No, mi sol, no,” Mapi said softly, scooting closer to rest a hand on your knee. 

Ingrid took a breath, trying to swallow her anger, rubbing your arm with her hand comfortingly. “Solstråle, you are none of those things. That awful woman has no idea who you are, not really. You are not immature, you are 18. There is a huge difference. And you are so much more than what happened with mom. You are so many good things despite mom, sweetheart, and Camila doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She just wanted to hurt you, none of that is true.” Ingrid said insistently. 

“Why would she want to hurt me? I thought she liked me. I don’t understand.” You replied, still keeping your face hidden away in your hands. 

“Because she isn’t a good person, and she doesn’t deserve you. And you don’t understand because you are good, mi sol. So good.” 

“Then why do such horrible things keep happening?” You asked, voice raised slightly in frustration. You pulled your hands away from your face, looking between your sister and her girlfriend with a tearstained, bewildered face. “I’m trying to be good, I’m trying so hard, why is this so hard?”

Both girls felt their hearts break a little at your words. Ingrid wrapped both her arms around you, pulling you into her chest as you cried. “I know, Solstråle, it’s not fair. It’s going to get better. I promise you, it is.”

“I’m tired of everything being so hard.” You cried, shutting your eyes tightly as you spoke. You felt a soft hand brushing your hair away from your forehead, felt Ingrid leave a kiss on your forehead. “I’m tired.”

You meant it figuratively, and literally, and Mapi and Ingrid knew that very well. The best thing they could do for you now, would be to get you calm enough to sleep. It was happening without them trying very hard, honestly. You could barely keep your eyes open, even as soft sobs fell from your mouth. 

“It’s not going to be hard forever. I promise you, mi sol.” Mapi said, looking intently at you, though you didn’t look back at her. 

“I’m so tired.” You repeated, barely making sense. You were almost delirious with exhaustion, your emotional outburst only making it worse. 

“Sleep, solstråle. We are right here. Everything will feel better in the morning. You aren’t going to feel like this forever. Just relax, and sleep. We love you so much.” 

And even as you nodded, all the fight and worry of being too much for them flooding from your body, you wondered if they were right. If everything would feel better. 

If anyone would ever really want you. 

You drifted off ridiculously easily, curled up next to your sister, your brain going quiet for the first time in days. Once Ingrid was sure you were asleep, she turned to her girlfriend, who was tucking the blankets around you nice and tight. 

“I am going to kill that girl.” Ingrid murmured, feeling absurdly protective over you. 

“I will kill her first.” Mapi vowed. 

“She isn’t allowed to date again until she’s 50.” Ingrid said, a frown etched on her face. 

Mapi cracked a smile. “Good luck with that, mi amor.” 

Ingrid shook her head. “I can’t stand to see her like this.” 

The Spaniard turned serious again, nodding her agreement. “It’s gonna get better, Ingrid. It’s not going to be perfect, but she’s already better. She just needs time.” 

“I wish I could take it from her, so she could just be happy all the time.” Ingrid admitted, flicking the lamp off, her voice barely more than a whisper. 

“I do too.” Mapi whispered back. She and Ingrid looked at each other over your slumbering form, each seeing their exact feelings reflected in the other’s face, even with their features obscured by darkness. They just wanted things to be better for you. Easier and lighter and happier. They’d do anything, get you the moon if you wanted it. They didn’t consider if they were giving you all they could, that maybe you needed something else. They just promised themselves that they wouldn’t rest until you were happier, whatever it took. Whatever it took for you, because you were their sol, and nothing on earth was more important to them than your happiness. 

-------

my name is girlgenius1111 and i like to make my fictional kid suffer give me all your thoughts on this installment of sol ☀️

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Okay listen closely I'm boutta get specific.

Flirty, sarcastic villain x Kind, "pure" hero

But also when the villain flirts with the hero, villain gets flustered when it is reciprocated because they thought the hero was too pure to do it 😏

Feel free to make it spicy if you want 💅✨

“Oh noooo.” The villain’s gaze changed to something possessive, something satisfied as they circled the hero. “What a pretty bird in my trap…”

“I actually wanted to talk to you,” the hero said but the villain’s hand was on their chest immediately, pushing them back into the wall. Still bound, the hero had to gasp, almost falling but the villain caught them just in time.

They’d been sent here to recruit the villain.

A month ago, the hero would’ve laughed in the face of anyone suggesting that.

“So you walked into my trap?” The villain grabbed the hero’s jaw gently and turned their head from side to side, as if the hero was a jewel in their collection that needed inspection.

“…not willingly.” The villain smiled and let go of their prey.

But it was quite true. Everyone could tell how possessive the villain was, how stupid they could be whenever the hero was involved.

They did everything to get the hero’s attention. And they did even more to protect them.

It was mostly funny to the hero. They liked the villain.

“You know, in nature pretty birds with all their colours are easier to detect. Easier to catch,” the villain said. Their eyes followed the hero’s blue and green uniform, as if they were judging them.

For a long time, the villain had been testing waters, trying to flirt with the hero now and then, trying to throw them off their game.

But this time, the hero was prepared. Kind of.

“As long as the reproduction rate is higher than the death rate, birds will stay pretty,” the hero said. They didn’t really know what they were saying. But they liked how the villain’s gaze jumped up again.

“Oh? Are you trying to flirt with me?” the villain mused.

“A high reproduction rate is always beneficial,” the hero answered.

“Oh—”

“Just saying…” They wetted their lips. “I mean, how could I ever resist? You even saved these people last week.”

“Ah—well, oh that? That wasn’t—” The villain looked a little embarrassed. They were still so close to the hero, yearning for the touch.

“Or when you saved that kitten from the streets? It kept scratching you and you kept cursing but you wouldn’t leave it to die.”

“Wait, you remember that?” the villain asked. They smiled nervously and that little break of eye contact was enough time for the hero’s hand to slip out of their bonds and grab the villain. They pulled them close.

“You’re very sweet if you think that I haven’t been paying attention.” Now, it was the hero’s turn to look the villain up and down. “Turns out, paying attention to you is one of the most delicate activities in my life right now.”

“Oh, I didn’t—”

The hero smiled to themselves. They hadn’t had this much fun at work in a long time. The villain’s begging for attention was just as adorable as their reaction right now. They didn’t know what to say.

“Such a shame we can’t do this more often…oh, wait. You could join the agency…” the hero said, winking.

And it didn’t even take two days for the villain to switch sides.

[burning-omen]

Kinktober Day 1: Breeding + Jason Todd

Jason Todd x male reader

Kinktober 2023 list | Day 2 | Ao3

(a/n; “hey it's September 30th, right? Tf you mean ‘it's october 1st’ no the fuck it no- AHHHHHH” me about three hours ago realizing that I never finished THE FIRST DAY of kinktober )

Summary: You’re a photographer at the Wayne Family events, after meeting Jason by chance they start growing closer

Warning: Horny Jason, horny reader, top!reader, bottom!jason, Jason moans like a bitch, rude rich people, pillow princess + brat Jason Todd, unprotected sex, breeding, not beta read lol.

Word count: 3.4k

To the shock of everyone involved, Jason Todd attended all of the Wayne Galas, not because he liked them- obviously. No, these things were horrible and stuffy and he hated every last person in attendance. Well, almost every last person. Bruce had hired a photographer a few months back, the first few events that you photographed you were mostly in the background, taking wide shots of the entire party, only recently did you start to mingle with the crowd more.

You met Jason a few weeks back as you tried to navigate through a pushy crowd of rich people who, to no one surprise, all thought they were the most important person there. You got pushed into Jason by a man who looked like he could have been British royalty in the 1800s, he sneered at you like a cartoon villain before walking away. You'd been overly apologetic that day, having nearly knocked the drink out of his hand. He was fine though, if not slightly enamored, you looked nice, but out of place, your clothes weren't quite up to Wayne Gala standards, before he could ask what you were doing here, he noticed the camera hanging from your neck, and offered to be your guide.

He ended up sticking with you for the rest of the night, talking as you took pictures of various people and decor around the event. It made your job a hell of a lot easier, people were quick to bump into you, you weren't rich and therefore weren't fully human to these people, but Jason was one of them, well, he was close enough, and even if he wasn't, if he was just as out of place as you, nobody was going to disrespect the host's son.

By the end of the night, you and Jason were on one of the balconies looking over all the photos from that night, and eventually some of your other work.

Eventually, you did have to leave, Bruce was paying for your ride and you really didn't want him to have to wait any longer.

You only got closer after that, every event that the Waynes hosted, you were there, and on your tail- as always- was Jason.

Your relationship didn't take a turn until the last party the Wayne threw, this one wasn't a charity but a birthday party for Bruce's friend, Oliver Queen, who insisted he needed to have it in Gotham. And even though Bruce gave a perfect speech regarding their friendship, you couldn't help but hear the irritation behind it. The night went on as usual, with Jason acting as your shadow as you weed through the crowd.

Your end of the night ritual is the only thing that changed, as you were showing Jason the pictures from tonight, he leaned over and rested his head on your shoulder, an odd act from the man, considering the most he'd touched you at this point was him putting a hand on your shoulder or tapping you to get your attention.

“Tired?” you asked jokingly.

“No,” he said but didn't elaborate.

As you continued to shuffle through the pictures you could feel him nuzzling into your neck. You let out a short, nervous laugh.

“Are you drunk?”

He hummed quietly, then laughed, “No, I'm just…”

He didn't continue, just pressing further into you, you gave up on showing him the photos for now, instead carding your fingers through his hair. Feeling just how different the white streak felt from the rest of his hair, most of his hair was thick and smooth, running through your fingers with ease. The white part was thick too, but it just felt like air, so light and delicate that you could barely feel it against your fingers.

You didn't stop until you felt his lips press against your neck, again and again as he hummed in contempt.

“Jason…” you muttered but didn't move to stop him.

He eventually moved up to your face- your cheeks, your jaw, your lips- with his kisses. It was only when you made a move and kissed him back did things escalate.

You ended up fumbling around on the floor with him, then in the hall, and on the wall next to his bedroom wall, and eventually in his bedroom. Which resulted in the most embarrassing walk of shame you've ever experienced as you had to run past your literal boss having breakfast with the rest of his family- he looked just as shocked as you imagined he would. Jason's older brother, Dick, made a comment that made Jason shout at him, you couldn't hear it with how hard your heart was beating in your ears.

You expected everything to end after that, your friendship with Jason, your job, your reputation as a photographer.

But to your surprise, the moment the front door closed behind you, Jason grabbed your face and pulled you in for a kiss, sweet and slow, nowhere near as frantic and lust-filled as they were the night before.

You started getting together outside of events after that, he stayed at your apartment most days, because ‘he liked being surrounded by you’. You learned a few things about him too, a big one being that he was a bottom, not just a bottom. A total pillow princess as well. He’ll flirt and tease all day and night long, but the moment you turn around to do the same to him, he becomes so pliant, letting you move him how you like, touch him how you liked, and fuck him how you liked.

Considering how close you'd become with his son, you figured you'd never get a call from Bruce to do another job. But you did, and despite feeling a bit out of place at first you eventually got back into it. Jason was your shadow as always, whispering things he definitely shouldn't in your ear, making it hard to focus.

“When was the last time we fucked, honestly?”

“Babe, I'm working,” you said calmly.

“It’s a genuine question.”

You sighed, “about a week ago, when the power went out.”

He only chuckled, still leaning down in you ear.

“There’s gotta be a broom closet somewhere around here-”

“Jason, stop it-”

“I want you to fuck me right up against the door, let everybody hear me while you-”

“Jason-”

“Jason!”

Looking over you saw Dick, who was probably the most outwardly supportive of your relationship with Jason out of everyone in his family. The presence of his brother shut him up quickly, his face turning a bit red. You and Jason wandered around the party with Dick for a while, you were having a great time, taking photos as Dick told to funny little stories about Jason.

Jason, however, wasn't having a great time. He’d planned to flirt with you all night then get fucked so hard that his brain stopped working, then getting pampered by you for the rest of the night, unfortunately, Dick had taken an interest in you for the night, purely platonic of course, but it was constant, and even though Dick has definitely seen Jason at his worst, it'd be really fucking weird if he begged you to fuck him within earshot of his brother. So he held out, frustrated and horny as the party droned on.

By the time guests started leaving you'd been informed of every little embarrassing thing Jason has ever done- including stealing the wheels off Bruce's car, some stories had to be left out or changed for obvious reasons, but outside of that, you were caught up on Jason's embarrassment timeline. You could practically feel Jason stewing behind you, horny, frustrated, and, embarrassed all at once.

“I think it's time for us to go, if we stay any longer Jason's brain is going to start leaking out of his ears.”

You said your goodbyes to Dick and turned to Jason, who was glaring after the man as he walked away.

“We can go now.”

The fumble up to his bedroom was exactly that, a fumble as you clumsily avoided the lingering guest, and as you took a few minutes to worship the exposed pieces of his body on the stairs with your hands and mouth, only moving when you heard footsteps.

You didn't carry Jason into the room, but you might as well have with the way you controlled his every move. He fell back onto his bed, spreading his legs subconsciously even though he was still fully dressed. The smile on his face only grew wider when you yanked him by his now loose tie, pulling him back up to you, pressing a kiss on his lips that only got more heated with every passing second. Kneeling on the bed, his legs wrapped around your waist almost instantly, you could feel the heels of the balmorals Bruce had bought him digging into the back of your thigh.

He pulled back, flopping down on the bed. Jason's hands, however steady they were before, became utterly useless in a matter of seconds as he failed to unbutton his pants several times before giving up, wordlessly resting his hands above his head, staring up at you expectantly. The term ‘pillow princess’ came to mind for a brief second as you unbuttoned them for him. Purposefully ignoring the tight bulge in his pants that was nearly demanding your attention.

“Come on, y/n,” he muttered, his voice as deep as ever.

Slowly rocking his hips against yours in a desperate, yet short lived, attempt at getting you to act. You were by no means cruel, and considering his little plan for the night hadn't fallen through, you indulged him. Lifting his still-clothed thigh up to your shoulder, you had to do a bit of maneuvering to get his pants down to his ankles, Jason was entirely unhelpful, you'd be convinced he was a rag doll if it weren't for his inability to stop fucking squirming.

The way his cock twitched in his pants showed you just how desperate he was, thrusting up against nothing, a short whine coming from somewhere deep in his throat as he started up at you with those pretty blue eyes.

You ran your hands over the exposed skin of his thigh, leaning down and kissing them, leaving little bruises and bites before switching to the next. His gaze was intense, almost glaring, but the whines and whimpers he let out told you that he was just desperate.

Then, unexpectedly, you slid your hand all the way down the inside of his thigh, feeling goosebumps rise in your wake, Jason figured you'd stop just before his cock, you liked teasing him like that, liked taking him apart slowly. But that's apparently not what you had in mind tonight, he only realized that when you wrapped your fingers around his cock, the fabric of his boxers tightened along with your grip. He whined, bucking up into your hand.

Far faster than he expected, you stroked him through his pants, the texture of them and the squeezing pressure your hand provided sending shivers up and down his spine. He gripped the bed sheets as you settled into a pleasant rhythm, fast and tight around his sensitive cock.

His eyes hung low, squeezing shut when you brushed over the tip.

Jason came quickly, hips sputtering and muttering incoherently as he did, cum sleeping through black fabric, drenching your hand and the boxers.

You pulled back, putting your hands back on his thighs, watching his chest rise and fall rapidly as he came down.

Hands still gripping the sheets, he sat there and waited, waiting for you to do something, you were in control after all. But you didn't, you just watched him, his chest rising and falling, cum splattered on his underwear and just under his belly button, the bruises and bites littering his thighs.

“Y/n..” he muttered, hard and horny all over again.

You laughed, “yes?”

He scooted closer to you until you hips were firmly pressed against his ass. Even then, you could here him muttering ‘come on’ over and over against under his breath.

“Speak up, you have to tell me what you want.”

He glared, a real harsh glare that you knew was born out of frustration. He should have known you'd be like this, for a moment he thought he'd really gotten off the hook, but you never just let him cum, you never just fucked him, no, he had to beg for it, as though him presenting himself to you wasn't begging enough.

“Just,” suddenly unable to find his words, Jason groaned, “do something!”

You let out another short laugh, then asked, “Something like what?”

The urge to kick you suddenly emereged.

“Anything, please I-” his hands went from the bed sheets to his face, covering his eyes as his brain once again failed to produce the right words.

You leaned down, pressing kisses down his throat and the pieces of his chest that we're exposed.

After a moment you asked, “How about you tell me what you wanted earlier, you seemed to have a lot of ideas then.”

He shifted, his hands finding the bed again, seems like his mind was racing, as his eyes were almost completely unfocused and blush rose on his cheeks with every second that passed, you gave him a moment to sort himself out.

He spoke suddenly, his voice coming out with some force, “I need you to fuck me until I can’t take it anymore, like you did when the power went out and we didn’t have anything else to do but fuck over and over again, I need you to fuck me like that again, I want you to cum in me so many times that it drips out of my ass and ruins the bed- ah- and I- I can’t- I can’t fucking think with you grinding against me like that so can you please just hurry up and do something!”

A wide grin spread out on your face, even though you barely comprehended that you were grinding your bulge into his ass, it was good to see how a bit of gentle pressure was already making him writhe.

You pulled back, before he could stop complaining you flipped the giant of a man onto his stomach with a hard shove. You heard him moan as he bounced against the bed, he liked being manhandled, but you figured that one out a while ago.

Pulling his boxers down to his knees, fully ready to prep him, only to see the familiar shiny glint of lube covering his hole. Without thinking, you pressed a finger in, feeling just how easily he took it you almost laughed.

“You take all the fun out of prepping you..”

“Shut up and fuck me!”

His desperate, panting tone was enough for you to cave, even as he glared back at you. It took you a second to get out of your clothes, well really just your pants, belt, and boxers, but it still took longer than Jason would have ever liked, again, bratty pillow princess of the century.

By the time you let your cock prod against his hole, he'd grabbed a pillow and rested it under his head, still turning to face you as you slowly pushed in. His resolve didn't last long, broken by a long moan as the head of your cock slipped into his hole, already about to thrust a hole into the bed sheets.

You grabbed his hips, pressing them hard into the bed, he stopped moving, an undeniable whimper coming from him.

You pressed further, barely even half way in and you could feel him squeezing around you, you pressed down until your hips were pressed together.

He panted and moaned, his body flexing, then relaxing. You waited for him to give you a sign that he was okay, and when he did you waited more, just to tease him. He realized this a couple of seconds later, dropping his head into the pillow with a frustrated groan, you're surprised he didn't turn around and cuss you out at that exact moment.

Even though you probably shouldn't have, you pulled out slow, and slammed back into him with more force than you meant to, the bed dipped beneath you both and Jason let put a wild moan. You probably should have gone slow with him, made him cum over and over again before filling him yourself, but you didn't, you had a bit of an epiphany while you had Jason fully wrapped around your cock. You were really, really fucking horny. With someone as pretty as Jason it was always so tempting to take him about the slow way, teasing, drawing orgasm after orgasm out of him, but with some that felt as good as Jason does, it's pretty easy to let that idea fly out the window in turn of pounding him into the mattress.

So you did.

Watching him claw and bite at the pillow beneath him in an attempt to bring some stability back. His whole body getting forced forward with every thrust.

Loud, almost pained, moans and the sound of skin hitting skin filled the room. Even with the pillow shoved into his mouth he was still impossibly loud. You could feel just how warm he’d gotten, his skin was hot and sweaty, and in your mind, you'd hardly even done anything to him yet.

Little tears prickled in his eyes, he squeezed them closed tightly. Taking your cock wasn't anything new to him but fuck, sometimes you could be rough. Not that he didn't enjoy it, no, if he had less pride he’d be screaming at the top of his lungs how good it felt.

He could already tell where bruises were going to form, he'd have burning red hand prints on his waist for sure, and an odd one on his ass and inner thighs, hickies and smaller bruises would litter practically every surface his body offered for sure.

Leaning down, you thrust hitting deeper and deeper, you kissed along his shoulders and back, trying to soothe at least a little of the hurt you were causing. You didn't but it felt nice anyways.

Jason's vision went a little spotty when he came again, you never stopped fucking him and he really didn't want you to. His cum soaked into the sheets beneath him, he could feel the sticky sheets cling to his stomach.

You followed soon after, shooting cum deep inside of him, just like he wanted. He whimpered quietly at the feeling, he could still feel you fucking him with your softened cock, trusting much slower, much to his dismay. He knew you were just waiting to get hard again but he really didn't like waiting.

It didn't take long for you to get hard again, you were still fully inside your beautiful boyfriend's beautiful ass so it definitely wasn't difficult. You continued pounding into him like nothing happened, he didn't say anything either, other than incoherent word between moans. Even though he didn't have to wait long, he missed you fucking him already.

You slammed into him hard and he went cross-eyed for a moment, letting his moans flow freely, louder and more satisfied than before.

“Right there-” he panted, “again, please-”

You couldn't deny him, not when he begged like that, you angled you hips so you'd slam against that spot again and again until he was staining the sheets for a second, then third time.

He made it too easy to want to fuck him.

His body was nearly limp by his fourth orgasm, you pulled out, he let out a little noise, unable to do much about it. You flipped him onto his back, seeing the mess covering his cock and stomach, his eyes tracked your every move, but not many where made, you ran your hands down his thighs just like you'd found before, then shoved your cock back into his mess of a hole.

You chased your own pleasure, dragging an exhausted Jason along with you for the ride. His hands gripped onto you, pulling you down and holding you tight, letting his airy moans fill your ears.

You came soon after, with him clawing at your back and clinging to you like a damn koala. You stayed inside him for a long moment, waiting for him to remember that he had to let you go.

When he did, you leaned back, watching yourself pull out of him, your cock covered in cum and lube. Cum dripped out of his hole rapidly, a puddle forming and growing on the bed, you laughed, still a bit winded.

“Hey, looks like you got your wish, these sheets are defiantly ruined.”

He laughed tiredly before pulling you back down into his arms.

[redflagshipwriter]

Hot Ghouls in your area 7

masterpost

Chapter 7 

…Jason slowly put down the book and turned it cover up, shell-shocked from that interaction. He lifted his phone and took a photo. He sent it to Roy. 

“What do you see?” He typed. Jason bit his lower lip and tried not to scowl while he waited for a response. 

It wasn’t that Jason was unused to conflict. Jason was great at conflict. He won every conflict! (Almost.) But what the hell had this shit been? Why had that guy been so pissy about the book? What the hell was wrong with the book that Jason didn’t see?

“Gibberish?” Roy texted back a few minutes later. “It gives the impression of wonky Cyrillic to me. But it's got a terrible energy to it. The hell is that?”

Jason looked at the cover. To his eyes, there was a serif font declaring it Sense and Sensibility Universe D version 5. 

“Thanks,” he sent, ignoring the question and then the barrage of heart emojis. Shit, okay. 

That answered one question. But it didn't answer enough. What the fuck had that college kid been seeing that was so offensive? 

‘And why'd he think we would meet again?’ 

Jason pushed deep, deep down any awareness that he hoped it was true. That had been weird enough that it would bother him forever if he didn’t get answers.

He sort of hated the idea of getting his nosy family involved, but they would ask different and in some ways, less annoying questions than other groups he could poll. They'd know not to lie to him, at least. So he sent the picture on to the family group chat with the same question and grimly finished his tea. 

The elderly proprietor came out then and noticed that her other customer was gone. She looked confused for a moment, scanning the seat to see if his book bag was still there. She picked up the cash he'd left on the table and then started stacking dishes.

‘He’s a regular,’ Jason guessed, honing in on the opportunity to learn more. He flipped the book open but held the apparently offensive cover down towards the table, out of her line of sight. He needed to know what had gone so wrong. Jason wasn’t normally the kind of person that cute college kids had beef with.

He'd never been in this café before, his intuition had just told him to duck inside.

“I think he forgot something,” Jason offered casually, pretending to just look up from his book. “Ran out real quick in a panic.” 

The lady let out a soft “Ahhh,” of comprehension. “Something for his afternoon class, perhaps,” she agreed, looking a little happier. 

“Yeah, it looked like he was getting ready to settle in for a long study session and then he bolted,” Jason lied, watching her underneath his lashes. He had been paying a little more attention than he ought to when the guy came in. He was Jason’s type, aside from the thing where he’d hated Jason’s face for no apparent reason-

‘No, actually, everyone I’ve ever been into hated me on sight.’

Ouch. As Jason digested that embarrassing truth, the owner continued talking.

“He does that,” she agreed, apparently not thinking it was odd at all for them to talk about the habits of another customer. “Tuesdays and Thursdays. He's a sharp cookie, did you know that?” She continued, and oh, she had halfway adopted this college kid, huh? There was warmth and a hint of pride in her tone.

Jason valiantly swallowed the snort. “He looks familiar, but I don't think we have classes together,” he fished. 

“Mm, he's doing some kind of math and engineering,” the lady helpfully supplied. She gave Jason her full attention as she stood up from the table. “And you?”

“Modern language and literature,” Jason said, and sort of wished it was true. He didn't really have the time. Did he? Spoiler was a full-time student, wasn't she? …Huh.

While he chewed that over, the lady had drifted a couple steps closer.

“...Those are two meaningfully different courses?” 

“Modern language is learning additional languages, I'm doing Russian and Greek right now,” Jason lied easily. He was fluent in both already. “Literature is mostly classics, for my purposes. I'm focusing on Regency Lit.” 

She looked very interested, but she detoured away to deposit the dirty dishes behind the counter. They kept up a light conversation about books as she wiped off the table and reset for the next customer. 

When she left, he finally had the chance to check his messages. There was a full-on fight in the group chat. The last message was from Stephanie. She had tagged him and asked, “Is this an optical illusion??? Like that dress?”

Ah, fuck. Jason felt a rock settle in his stomach at the confirmation that something hinky was going on.

‘I can’t read this in public if it’s saying something I can’t control or even know.’

Fucking hell. Jason scrolled back up and checked. Damian listed the correct title. Dick saw what, ‘I thought was Greek at first.’ Stephanie might have been joking but she argued vigorously that it was pictographs that started with a bird. Drake had sent “You rediscovered Minoan Linear A? Cool.” and then not participated in any follow-up discussions. Duke had sent only a stream of confused and tearful emojis.

Cass had marked it read.

“Fair enough, I guess,” Jason muttered to himself. Resentfully he put the book back in his bag. 

What had that guy seen? If he’d just seen something foreign but illegible he wouldn’t have gotten so pissy about it. And who the hell had he been, anyway? Why was he so special?

Well. That was something to do with his afternoon. Jason paid up his bill and gave Phyllis his well-wishes for her doctor’s appointment tomorrow on the way out. Phyllis was a good contact, he would definitely come back for more of her jasmine tea no matter how mad that guy got at him.

…Jason really needed a name.

And found…

He headed to Gotham University and used the student computers to look up departments and then hack into the registrar. Jason flipped through photos until he found his guy: Danny Fenton, 19, sophomore double-major in the Engineering department. Good grades, no notes on his account about academic dishonesty or conflict.

'Little weird to meet two Dannys in a 24 hour period.'

Jason searched the guy online and found…

He let his mouth drop open in disbelief at the batshit insane website design he had stumbled into. The Fenton family had a website, apparently, and they had maybe let a 7 year old design it in 2008. The colors… The lack of centering… The.. the neon choices.

His eyes watered. It took a while to fight down his aesthetic grief and actually start comprehending the text.

He had expected this to be like, an online family newsletter. And it was! The link he had followed detailed “Danno going to college in the big city!!!” The boy himself looked extremely resigned in the attached photo. Seriously, Jason had seen much less mortified mugshots. The thing was, that on the same page, alongside posts about other kids going college (Jazzypants!) and someone called Alicia recovering from “supergout!” with "her eight favorite toes remaining!!!", there was also a lot of mention of ghosts.

Like, a lot.

Jason scrolled in pained disbelief. There were photos that showed extremely weird and dismayed green people obviously flinching away from a camera. A beautiful green woman with her hair halfway over her face snarled through a flood of smoke under the title “Wishywish Ghostie Interviewed: Learn what drives her generous heart!” and an ugly robot motherfucker was seen fleeing under the caption, “Skalker indicates that spook is a GHOST SLUR!”

….Was it a shit post? Just one long shitpost? It had to be a joke site.

Well. No. Jason buried his face in his hands and came to terms with the horrible fact that not only were ghosts real, he was accidentally married to one and this bombastic midwestern family already knew about it. This was his best lead for getting that 'beyond death do you part' separation.

They had been blasting the existence of ghosts for all the world to read, and it hadn’t been news. The Justice League didn’t know about this whole society. The journalism done by– Jason lifted his head to check– Jack Fenton interviewing clearly very unwilling ghosts was the only primary source that he knew of. 

He took a few deep breaths. He came to terms with grief. He decided to block his family from any further involvement in this shitshow, for what remained of his dignity. And he grimly noted down Jack Fenton’s email.

Jason cleared this history and closed down his tabs, feeling a decade older than he had when he had entered the library. He ignored the sultry ‘come talk to me’ eye contact that the student worker was shooting him from behind the counter as he slouched out. 

He stopped for a moment on top of the stairs to watch campus move. He saw the theatre building and the modern language headquarters from his vantage point, along with about half of the student center. There was just a trickle of foot traffic between buildings along paved paths. A few people were hanging out on blankets in the grass. An old man in a suit was taking a phone call next to a crawling rose garden. 

‘Maybe I should go to school.’

Well. After this shit was sorted out. Obviously he could not go to school before he got divorced. It would be torturous to hang out with cute boys his age and be committed to some hot dead mermaid who didn’t even wanna make out with him sloppy. Loser shit on absolutely every level, goddamn.

Jason shoved his hands in his pockets and jogged down the stairs. He kept an eye out for Danny, but had no luck.  

Not that he cared. It was interesting that he had a lead: Danny clearly had some connection to ghosts, and he had been able to read… 

‘Maybe he realized it was a ghost’s property and he thought I stole it?’ Jason realized in a stroke of inspiration. That made more sense. If he knew enough to recognize it as ghost language or whatever, then he might have felt affronted about Jason having it.

He went through his mental checklist to pick out what he did and didn’t know. Once he felt he had a hang on his priorities, he beelined to his own laptop in his favorite safehouse and started looking into the Fentons in more depth.

It was a great lead. It was suspiciously good, in fact, he thought as he found Jack Fenton’s online family newsletter again. What were the odds that he would run into Danny Fenton in a cafe that Jason had never even been in before? It had been a total fluke that he’d entered. He’d been walking past to a favorite place and then just had the urge to try the dark little family cafe.

‘…Ah, fuck’, Jason sighed. More ghost shit. It had to be. Something about Danny Fenton’s ghost shit had registered to him now that he’d been exposed to ghost central.

[jeneveuxrein]

safety net [1/2] (BLACKPINK Rosé)

word count: 25.8K

part 1 (14.8K) | part 2 (11K)

(thanks to everyone who read the first story i published, truly appreciate it! this one's more plot than anything with a smidgen of you know)

“Hey.” 

You glance away from your screen to Park Chaeyoung standing in front of you, a determined look on her face. You prefer to call her Rosie, mostly because you know how much it irritates her, and you’re the only one that calls her by her English name.

“Uh hey Rosie,” You greet, slightly closing your laptop. “What’s up?” 

“I have a proposition for you,” Rosie leans over the table. “And please listen to it before you flat out say no.”

You raise an eyebrow, shutting your laptop completely. You start packing your belongings. 

“Wait what? What’re you doing?” Rosie straightens, taking a step back. 

“Well I’m hungry, and if I have to listen to you, I would rather do it while I’m eating,” You swing your backpack over one shoulder, adding, “You’re paying by the way.” 

As you walk away, you hear Rosie huff. You smirk when her arm loops with yours. 

“Fine,” You don’t have to look at her to know she’s pouting, but you wonder what, of all things, she needs you for.

Guess you’ll find out. 

--

The server places your orders in front of you, as Rosie sits across from you, sipping her iced coffee. You give a small thanks as your mouth waters at the sight of the burger. 

“You act like you don’t eat,” Rosie comments after you take the first bite. You flip her off after taking another bite. You hadn’t eaten lunch, so you were starving. 

“What do you want?” You ask before you continue eating, ignoring her comment. No matter what, you were ravenous. This burger would be gone before she finished.

“Okay,” Rosie takes a breath, composing herself. You realize that whatever she’s going to ask you is big, especially if she’s asking you. Though, you keep eating. “So you know how I’ve never been in a relationship right?” 

You nod. It wasn’t any of your business, nor did you pay any attention to her dating life specifically, but your friends, the girls mostly, commented a lot about her lack of dating, or really lack of interest in anyone.

“Well, there’s this guy who I’ve been talking to lately and I think I like him,” Rosie takes a small bite of her salad. “The only problem is my, I guess, experience, if you’re catching my drift.” 

This burger is too good for you to stop eating, but you nod anyways, having absolutely no idea what she’s referring to.

“I was wondering if you could help me in that department,” You raise an eyebrow, which you’re paying attention now. “I mean, will you show me how to have sex?” 

You choke, being mid-bite, that the burger falls apart onto the plate. You cough as Rosie’s suddenly next to you, hitting your back. 

“Oh my god, are you alright?” Rosie asks once you’ve stopped coughing.

“Yeah, I’m good,” You nod, waving off the server who was walking towards your table. “I’m good,” You repeat and Rosie takes her seat again. 

“So? What do you say?” 

“No,” You say flatly, staring at the deconstructed burger on your plate. Thankfully you finished most of it, but still.

“What? Why?” Rosie crosses her arms, eyes narrowing. 

It doesn’t faze you. You’re used to this, especially if it’s with Rosie.

“First let me ask, why me?” You attempt to put the burger back together, distracting yourself from the thoughts of Rosie like that.

“Well, it was Jennie’s idea really,” Rosie confesses, watching you rearrange the meat patty. “She said that if I want to feel comfortable doing stuff with Soohyun, I should just get it over with.”

Choi Soohyun, the rich pretty boy at your university. You’ve met him a few times, and he’s nice enough. You know his track record with women is on par with yours, but the difference is that he uses his father’s money to pull them in. You, on the other hand, come from a relatively wealthy family as well, but only Rosie and her three best friends know that. 

“And it has to be me?” You ask bluntly, appetite suddenly gone as you push the plate away.

“Yes,” Rosie nods enthusiastically, “As much as everyone calls you a playboy, girls talk. You allegedly know your way around a bedroom, and what better way for me to learn is from you.”

“Chaeyoung, absolutely not,” Using her real name was only saved for serious moments, and this was way too serious for a Tuesday afternoon. 

“Why not?” Rosie argues, rolling her eyes. “It’s just sex, isn’t that what all guys want?”

“I’m not sure what guys you’ve been hanging out with, but no, not all guys want just sex,” You mock, leaning back into the chair. “And shouldn’t your first time be special with someone you actually, I don’t know, like?” 

“In an ideal world, yes,” Chaeyoung answers, aggressively stabbing a piece of lettuce. “But I don’t care much for that stuff. You’re not answering my question, why won’t you have sex with me?” 

There was a list of reasons you could think of as to why you won’t have sex with Rosie. 

Number one, and the only one you were concerned about, being the history you have together. 

You’ve been sworn enemies since middle school, but there was a time before that where you were actually close. You grew up in the house next to hers, and your parents set up multiple play dates that she was someone you enjoyed spending time with. You considered her your best friend. It changed in middle school, for reasons you still didn’t know. You didn’t have the mental capacity at that age to fix it because you missed her, but you’ve never told her that. 

In high school, it was better, but you feigned indifference while she flat out ignored you. Unless your families were having dinner, but even then that consisted of snarky comments and petty arguments. The amount of times her older sister had to step in were too many to count. 

You thought university would be your fresh start, but lo and behold, you couldn’t seem to shake her presence from your life. You thought you wouldn’t see her as much since you were taking different subjects, but your friends ran in the same circle, so you saw her more than you needed to. 

“Do you not find me attractive?” Rosie’s question catches you off guard when you don’t respond. 

You’d be lying if you said no. You’ve been a witness to Rosie turning into a beautiful woman, but if she knew that, especially coming from you, her ego would skyrocket. A lot of the men, even women, on campus have a crush on her, but she typically rejected anyone because she was too focused on school and her dream of becoming a fashion designer—something she was very close to achieving with the amount of internships she’s been receiving from companies abroad. 

“Shut up, you know it’s not that,” You mumble, ignoring the smirk forming on Rosie’s face. “It’s you and me. We haven’t gotten along since we were like seven, now all of a sudden, you want to,” You pause, thinking of how to say it, “Have sex with me because of what you’ve heard?” 

“Look,” Rosie sighs, face falling. You detect the desperation, but she’d never admit it. “I know our relationship is complicated, but you’re the only guy I can trust to do this. Jungkook would blab. Taehyung would be an ass. And Yoongi’s too nice. Everyone else has a girlfriend who I very much would like to stay friends with. Can’t we just put the past behind us?” 

You didn’t want to further complicate things. At best, you two were civil. At worst, Rosie would be yelling at you along with repeatedly hitting your shoulder to take back whatever set her off. 

Adding sex into the mix? It’s a bomb waiting to go off. 

“I don’t know, Chaeyoung,” You say softly, pushing your plate away. “As much as you’re a pain in my ass, I don’t think I could do that with you. It would feel like I’m taking advantage of you.” 

Her face softens, and she reaches for your hand, “You’re not taking advantage of me. If anything, I’m taking advantage of you. It’s not like we have feelings for each other right?” 

You don’t, as far as you’re aware, but you have always, and will always, have a soft spot for her. You may not have gotten along over the years, but you’d still have her back. If she means what she says about her trusting you out of all the friends she has, it’s important. 

“No,” It feels off saying that, but you ignore it. “Fine,” You relent. You couldn’t believe you were agreeing. “But we have to set rules.”

“Really?” Rosie beams, clapping her hands. “Yes yes, of course.” 

“Uh, first rule, we’ll do it at my place since I live alone. I don’t need Jennie or Lisa or Jisoo hovering,” You say, which she nods. You love the girls, hell you’ve slept with Jennie on a couple occasions, but they can be nosey and overly critical. 

“That makes sense. Rule number two, no sleeping over,” She makes a face, “I will literally bring you home if it’s super late, or I’ll just bring you home in general.”

“You really don’t have to do that,” Rosie rolls her eyes. 

“I know I don’t, but I’m not budging,” You’re firm about that. Your parents would kill you if anything happened to Rosie and you were the last person to see her. 

“Rule three, if you sleep with other people, please let me know and use a fucking condom,” Rosie says, “I don’t want my first time to end up with a disease.”

You’re slightly offended because as much as you have sex, you are safe. Even when girls don’t want to use protection, you do. 

“Obviously I will.”

“Good,” Rosie nods, “Last rule, no feelings. If at any point you or I feel something more than our mutual disdain for each other, we stop.” 

“Okay,” You roll your eyes, “Like I’d ever fall for you, but fine.” 

A pit forms in your stomach after saying that, but again, you brush it off.

“Right back at ya,” Rosie winks, smiling brightly that she accomplished her mission. “So what’re you doing tonight? Can we start?”

You nearly choke on your saliva, eyes bugging out as Rosie looks completely serious. 

“Uh,” You don’t have anything planned. You still have to finish the budget report your professor assigned, but it wasn’t due for another week. “You want to start tonight?”

“The sooner, the better right?”

“Okay,” You nod, suddenly nervous about this whole situation. “Okay,” You say a bit more confidently. “You’re paying for this.”

“I know,” Rosie chuckles, signaling to the server for the bill. 

What did you get yourself into?

--

You open the door for Rosie, letting her in first before following. You shut the door while she takes off her shoes, neatly placing them to the side as you take off your coat. 

“So this is your place,” Rosie comments, walking along the wall as she inspects the photos. It is her first time here, not that she was never welcomed. Your apartment has always been your safe place, only allowing a select few here.  “Did you take these?” 

“Yeah, I’m minoring in photography, so,” You shrug, walking past her as she stares at a photo from Jennie’s birthday. “I’m going to change into sweats, did you need anything? Water? Soju?” You offer because you’re considering taking a shot before you get started to ease your nerves. 

Rosie laughs, shaking her head, “Soju? Really? You need that?” 

“Don’t make fun of me. It isn’t every day that one of the hottest girls at school asks me to teach her to have sex,” You mutter, but Rosie hears you loud and clear. 

“You admit that I’m hot then?” You swear you can hear her smirking behind you. 

“Fuck off, help yourself to whatever,” You roll your eyes as she laughs. 

You don’t bother entertaining her any longer, making your way to your room. You change into something comfy—grey sweats and a white shirt. You hadn’t expected company tonight, nor had you expected having sex. It’s been about a week since, even though your ex-girlfriend messaged you about hooking up for fun the other day. You didn’t even respond, knowing that would just end up messy.

When you return to the living room, Rosie sits on your couch, legs crossed as she types away on her phone. You’d bet she was texting Jennie. 

“So how do you want to do this?” You ask awkwardly, scratching the back of your neck as you sit next to her. You leave a decent amount of space in between, not wanting to seem too eager. 

“I don’t know,” Rosie sighs, “Is there a way we can just ease into it?” 

“Like making out and stuff?” You’ve never spoken about sex so mechanically, that this is a first for you too. 

“I guess? I don’t really know how to start this,” Rosie says unsurely, looking away. 

“Hey,” You reach over, a finger gently tilting her chin to look at you, “There’s no pressure okay? We can just watch TV first and go from there. We literally don’t even have to do anything. As long as you’re comfortable.”

You watch her lip quiver. You hope she doesn’t cry. The last girl you made cry was Nayeon when you broke up with her.

“Okay,” Rosie nods, leaning into your hand. “Thanks again for this. I know this whole situation is awkward.” 

“Stop,” You wave dismissively, rubbing her cheek with your thumb. “It’s important to you, so I guess by default it’s important to me. Your pace,” You smile. 

When Rosie smiles back, you can feel something itch behind your rib cage. You quickly shake that away before retracting your hand. “Here,” You grab the remote, “Put something on, I’ll get us drinks.”

“Oh there’s this new Netflix reality show I want to watch,” You hear Rosie say as you walk to the kitchen. 

You didn’t have that much to offer, since you hadn’t had the time to head to the store. You do opt for a couple bottles of soju to ease both of your nerves along with water because hydration matters. You peruse your pantry and there’s a bag of unopened chips, figuring that would be good to have too. At least for yourself to keep your hands busy. 

When you return to the couch, placing the items on the coffee table, you see the opening credits of what looks like university students? 

“What’s this about?” You ask. This time, you sit closer to her, so that any shift in your leg, your knees would touch. 

Rosie goes on to explain the premise of the show, where people are about to be of legal age and how they form relationships in two different settings. She heard about the show from Lisa who binged it with Jennie in one night. 

“Is this sappy?” You pour a shot each, handing Rosie the glass. 

“Probably, but it’s wholesome,” Rosie raises the glass, “To my virginity?”

“I’m absolutely not toasting to that,” You roll your eyes, taking the shot without waiting. 

Rosie scoffs, downing the drink in one go before putting the glass on the coffee table. “You’re so annoying sometimes.” 

You don’t respond, instead choosing to pour another shot as the contestants of the show enter the classroom. You usually don’t drink this much on a weekday, but this situation warrants it. It feels surreal to be with Rosie, alone, in your apartment of all places. You couldn’t remember the last time you were willingly alone with her, but the thought of those memories were tucked away. 

“Here,” Rosie grimaces at the drink. “Just one more.” 

Rosie relents, taking the shot without making another annoying toast. You smirk before following. The liquid goes down smooth, but you feel the effects starting. Your cheeks feel warm, soothing some–not all–of the nerves. 

You lean back into the couch, throwing an arm casually over the cushion. Rosie automatically leans into you, sighing deeply before resting her head on your shoulder. 

“You smell good,” Rosie comments, snuggling deeper into your side. The compliment throws you off because she hadn’t said anything remotely nice to you in years. 

“Uh thanks,” You bring your free hand to scratch the back of your neck. Rosie doesn’t say anything else, nor do you. You settle in, letting what’s on the screen take your attention. 

The show is corny, but you understand why Rosie said it’s wholesome. The sense of innocence and pureness everyone has when it comes to relationships is something you miss. You hadn’t had that kind of outlook in years, which slightly makes you want to go into your future relationships more honest about how you feel.

But Nayeon cheating on you over a year ago left its damage on you. 

You’d never be disrespectful towards women, but you were upfront that whatever you did with them would never be serious. You couldn’t let it get too intense. Sure they’d always want more, but you couldn’t give yourself to someone like that again. 

At least not yet. 

“What’re you thinking about?” Rosie asks after a few minutes, resting her hand on your stomach. 

“Nayeon,” You say simply. 

She raises her head to look at you, “Huh, what why? Didn’t you break up like last year?”

“This show’s making me a little sentimental,” You say sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck. 

“Why’d you two break up anyways?” 

“What’d you hear?” You prod, curious as to what Nayeon told people. 

“According to Jennie, who heard it from Sana, Nayeon was tired of arguing,” Rosie furrows her eyebrows as she remembers what she heard. 

That’s one way to put it. 

“Ah well I guess so,” You shrug. 

“There’s more to it huh?” She's as perceptive as ever. 

“She cheated on me,” Rosie’s eyes widened. “We got into an argument about her meeting my parents. She kept pushing the issue, but you know how my parents are. She storms out and next thing you know, I’m getting a call from Jungkook to come to this party to pick up Nayeon cause she’s wasted.”

You remember that night clearly, something you wanted to very much forget. 

“I got there. I’m looking all over for her, Jungkook and Taehyung have no idea where she went. We pretty much split up looking for her, and lucky me, the first door I opened, Nayeon’s naked, on top of some guy.” 

Rosie sits up straight, crossing her legs on the cushion as she faces you. The concerned expression etched on her face has you believing she almost cares, but you don’t. 

“And she sees me, which immediately sobers her up. All I could do was nod, telling her that we’ll talk in the morning,” The memory still hurts to think about. “Nayeon, being Nayeon, followed me out, apologizing, saying it was a mistake.”

Rosie takes hold of your hand, and you let her. Letting this out feels nice since you hadn’t told anyone what happened. You told Nayeon to tell people whatever she felt was best, and you’d keep the real reason a secret. 

“Anyways, next day, we talk and she’s sorry, of course, but she just didn’t understand what the big deal was. It’s not that I didn’t love her, cause I did, but I didn’t think we were there yet for her to meet them,” You sigh, shaking your head. “But yeah we broke up. I didn’t care what she said, and I didn’t defend myself when Sana and Jihyo cornered me, calling me an ass. I just started to sleep around, which probably was the reason why I got that playboy reputation.” 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Rosie says quietly after a minute, the words sinking in. 

You smile sadly, “It wasn’t for anyone to know, but it’s okay. It really is. Relationships are messy, which is why I avoid any emotional connection with girls. Not because I think less of them, but because I think the least of myself in that regard.”

“Stop,” Rosie squeezes your hand, forcing you to look at her. “I don’t know how you are in relationships, but I’m sure that whoever you’re with is lucky.”

“You’re just saying that,” Self-deprecation is something you’ve mastered in the past year.

Rosie tugs your hand with enough force so your face is in front of hers. You could feel her breath against your skin, the faint smell of alcohol lingering. “Stop,” She whispers. “I’m not.”

Blame it on the alcohol. Blame it on the sudden confession of why you are the way you’ve been. 

You kiss her, bringing your lips to hers. You sense her freeze, but she sighs softly after a moment. It ignites a fire in your chest, wanting nothing more than her close to you. 

You pull away, leaning your forehead on hers. You open your eyes first to see hers closed. 

“Sorry, I-”

“No,” Rosie cuts you off, cupping your face before kissing you again. 

Out of pure reflex, you pull Rosie on top of you, straddling your thighs as you wrap your arms around her waist. She lets out a small oomph, which you pause, but she continues moving her lips against yours. 

You dip your tongue in between her lips, earning a moan as she threads her fingers in your hair. A shiver goes down your spine as she tugs lightly, a move that turns you on immensely. Your cock stirs as her kisses become firmer, more sure. 

Rosie’s body starts to move. It’s subtle, but her hips slightly shift, causing you to pull away, groaning. 

“Chaeng,” You pant, hands gripping her waist to steady her. 

“Am I doing something wrong?” Rosie asks softly, chest heaving as she rests her forehead on yours. 

“No,” You kiss her on the nose. “You’re doing everything right. I just have to control myself,” You let out a breath. 

“Would it be the worst thing if you lost control?” Rosie murmurs, pecking you softly on the lips. 

The question goes straight to your cock. It doesn’t help that she’s seated right on top of it that you have to remember that this isn’t about you.

Yes is what you want to say because this is still new to her, and as lame as it sounds, like you actually care about her, you do want to make this enjoyable.

“I don’t know,” You shrug, loosening your grip. “But I don’t want to rush into it. Small steps right?”

“Right,” Rosie nods, kissing the corner of your mouth. “So what next?” 

“Uh,” Your brain’s short circuiting because all the blood in your body seems to have rushed south. “Maybe just rock your hips and see how it feels?”

“Like this?” She gently rolls herself over you, testing the waters. 

“Is it doing anything for you?” You grit out. 

“I’m not sure, let me try again,” She rolls her body again, but with a little more pressure that she moans softly. “That did.”

It definitely did something for you because your cock stiffens at the contact. 

“Just do what feels good for you,” Your head falls back as she repeats the motion, undulating her hips over your erection. “Yeah just like that,” You sigh, guiding her movements along your length. 

All you feel is Rosie. She’s wearing leggings, but the friction over your sweats overwhelms your senses. You act on impulse, kissing her again. She returns the kiss with the same enthusiasm, grinding down. 

You didn’t think dry humping would get you this worked up, but the small moans Rosie lets out against your lips has you hoping you don’t make a mess of yourself. 

“Fuck,” Rosie moans, tearing her lips off yours as her rhythm falters. 

It leaves her neck exposed, so you trail your lips along her chin, peppering soft bites that has her gripping your shoulders tightly. 

You feel her nails digging into your skin. Her pace quickens before her body suddenly seizes, jerking on top of you, as she moans loudly.

Fuck she’s coming. 

Doing what you can to prolong her orgasm, you rock up into her, hoping you’re hitting her clit at the right angle. Her body freezes, shaking that you didn’t have the reflex to control your own body before cumming into your sweats, groaning in the crook of her neck. 

You hadn’t had a visceral response like that in years, but that was the hottest thing you’d ever experienced. The fact that Rosie got off by rubbing herself against you goes straight to your head. 

Rosie’s breathing heavily against you, playing with the hairs on your neck as you try to regulate your own breath. 

“I—fuck, I’m so sorry,” Rosie says softly, resting her butt on your thighs. 

“What?” Your voice comes out hoarse. “Why are you apologizing?” 

“I don’t know,” She buries her head into your neck. 

“That was hot,” You confess, placing a soft kiss on her neck. Her body shivers at the contact, causing you to smile.

“Really?” She sounds so unsure, that you don’t know how else to make her believe you. 

“Really,” You pull back to her, avoiding your gaze. Her cheeks are flushed, hair a little wild, but she looks hot either way. 

Maybe it was the release of hormones after an orgasm that could be clouding your thoughts, but you find her so attractive at this moment that you want to kiss her again. 

“Did you, you know?” Rosie glances down, biting her lip. 

“Uh,” You force out a chuckle. “Yeah… Sorry about that. I should probably change.” 

“Right,” Rosie’s eyes stay looking at your crotch before she shakes her head. “Right,” She repeats and moves off your lap. 

“Give me a few and I’ll drive you home, okay?” You stand, placing a hand over the wet spot on the fabric. 

“You really don’t have to, I can call a car.”

“No,” Shaking your head, “I insist.”

“You’re so fucking stubborn sometimes,” And just like that, it’s back to normal. 

“Yeah and you used me to cum, so,” She throws a pillow at you, which you easily dodge, laughing as you walk to your room. 

--

--

Can we meet tonight? 

The words glowing on your screen as you walk out of the building, just finished your last class of the day. 

It’s been about a week since Rosie asked you. You hadn’t seen her, but she occasionally sent you articles regarding sex and if you ever experienced such things. The one that had you almost drop your phone was if you ever made a girl squirt, which you haven’t, but you explained not all girls can. 

Instead of replying back with a message, you call her. 

“Hello?”

“Where are you? We can do take away,” You offer, walking in the direction of where she might be. 

“I’m in the music building with Jennie,” You immediately turn around to go the other direction. 

“Okay I’m on the way, I’ll be there in a little,” You hang up without waiting for her to respond. You’ll probably get a slap or two, but it’s not like it matters. 

By the time you reach the music building, Rosie and Jennie are outside, talking with another person. You can’t see who it is, but as you get closer, it’s Nayeon. 

Fuck. 

It wasn’t like Nayeon and you were on bad terms. You were always polite and treated her with the same respect you would like anyone else. It would just look suspicious to be walking alone with Rosie since she always made remarks about the weird feeling she got when you were in the same vicinity. She described it as unresolved sexual tension, but it never felt like that to you. 

“Oppa,” Jennie greets, her gummy smile forming as you walk up to them. There’s a mischievous glint in her eyes as they dart between you and Rosie because of course she knows about the arrangement. 

“Hey,” You smile, waving awkwardly to Nayeon. 

Nayeon gives a small hi while Rosie slaps your shoulder, “That’s for hanging up on me.” 

“Okay,” You rub where she hit. “Ready to go?” You ask, reaching for Rosie’s bag without thinking. 

“Uh?” Jennie’s eyes widen while Nayeon’s narrow at the gesture. “How nice of you?” Rosie reluctantly hands over her bag. 

You don’t know what came over you because you definitely didn’t just carry a girl’s bag, which Nayeon was very aware of. She knew you only carried stuff for the girl you’re dating, something she experienced firsthand. 

“My way of saying sorry for hanging up on you,” You say smoothly. Her bag is heavy, which you hope they can’t tell you’re struggling.

“Nayeon was telling us about a party this weekend,” Jennie says. 

“It’s Mina’s birthday,” Nayeon says softly, eyes on you. “You should come if you’re free.” There’s a hopeful tone in her voice.

“Um,” You’re put on the spot, wracking your brain for any excuse, but Rosie saves you. 

“Don’t we have dinner with our parents? If we get back early enough, you could probably make it.”

You try to ignore the way Nayeon’s face falls, but you can’t ignore Jennie’s confusion since she obviously would’ve known. 

“Oh yeah, you’re right,” You play along. You hadn’t had a family dinner in months, but it was a somewhat believable excuse. “I’ll see if I can make it.” 

You listen as the girls say bye, Jennie opting to walk with Nayeon to catch up. When the two women leave, Rosie tries grabbing her bag back. 

“What’re you doing?” She huffs when you don’t let go. 

“I can carry my own bag, you know,” Rosie walks in front of you, clearly annoyed. 

“I know, but just let me do this for you.” 

“You’re most likely giving me an orgasm tonight, you’re doing enough,” Rosie rolls her eyes, attempting once again. “I don’t want people to get the wrong idea.” 

“Fine, here,” Her comment pisses you off, but she has a point. The university playboy holding the bag of one of the most wanted girls on campus? That would surely be part of the gossip mill. You hand over the bag, a muttered thanks makes you roll your eyes. 

“You’re paying for dinner tonight,” Rosie states. 

You honestly already planned to, but you nod anyway. 

--

“Can you take your shirt off?” Rosie asks, out of breath, as you hover over her. 

“Uh yeah,” You lean back, pulling your shirt over your head, tossing it somewhere to the side before bringing your lips back to hers. 

That same show plays in the background, unopened food forgotten on the coffee table. The plan was to eat then fool around, but Rosie had something else in mind. 

“Okay don’t let this get to your head,” Rosie says against your lips, in between kisses, trailing a finger over your abdomen, “But you’re actually hot.” 

The muscles flex under her touch, that you pull her body to the edge of the couch cushion, “I know,” You smirk, dipping a hand underneath her blouse. “Is this okay?” You ask. 

“More than okay,” Rosie spreads her legs wider to let you rest in between. 

You grind yourself against the apex of her thighs, thankful she wore a skirt today. She moans as it spurs you on to do it again. Mimicking the motion of thrusting in and out of her has your imagination running wild as to what it will be like when you’re actually inside her. 

“Fuck,” Rosie grips your arms as you continue the motion. “Don’t stop.” 

You won’t until she cums, and her back arches as she rolls her hips down to meet your thrusts. After one particularly hard thrust, her body tenses and bingo. 

“There?” You breathe out as you hit the same spot again. She nods, as you watch her face scrunch up. “Gonna cum for me?” 

“Yeah,” Her eyes open, gaze locked in between your legs. “Fuck, Jennie was right. You’re huge.”

As if your ego couldn’t get any bigger. You’re sure she felt just how big you were last week, but she most likely didn’t see it. It probably didn’t help that you were wearing sweats that accentuated your size. 

“Thanks,” You grunt, too focused on her pleasure and your own. 

You flip her skirt up, mouth watering at the sight of her choice in lingerie. A simple lavender thong with a small bow at the waistband has your hips rutting into her faster. 

“Fuck you’re so hot,” You bite your lip, head thrown back as she moans louder. 

“I think I’m—oh shit,” Rosie’s body tenses in your hands, back arching as her orgasm washes over her. You feel her clit pulse through your sweats that you continue grinding against her. 

You’re more composed this time and don’t prematurely cum. However, your cock hurts from not having a release. You’ll likely just suffer through it and deal with your problem after you drop her off. 

You don’t move from your position, keeping the pressure of Rosie’s cloth-covered pussy against you. You might not get to cum, but it still feels nice. After a few minutes of her regulating her breathing and you thinking of everything not related to fucking her, she smiles up at you. You return the smile, tickling her skin that she squirms in your hold. 

“Stop!” She slaps your arm. “You know I’m ticklish.” 

“I know,” You fold over, resting your head on her stomach. “Was that okay?” Her skirt hasn’t moved, and you’re trying very hard not to touch her there. 

“Yeah, that was… something,” Rosie sighs, placing her hand lazily on your head, lightly scratching. “Can you do something else since we’re already here?” 

“Sure, what?” You look up to Rosie biting her lip. 

“Can you touch me?” Rosie asks softly, adding, “Like down there?” 

Your palm twitches at the request, hell, your cock twitches too. 

“Uh, yeah,” You push yourself up, kneeling in between her legs. They try to close, but with how you’re positioned, it doesn’t go very far. “Just let me know if anything hurts, I’ll stop.”

Rosie nods, giving you the signal to do something. What you really wanted to do was find out how she tastes, but you tuck that thought away for another time. There will be a time in the future where that’ll happen. 

You reach under her skirt, gently pulling the fabric down. She kicks it away, leaving her completely bare from the waist down.

You’re fucked. 

Your mouth waters at the sight of her. Your gaze must’ve made her nervous because she quickly covers herself. 

“Shit, I’m sorry,” You pull back. 

“No, no,” Rosie shakes her head, crossing her legs. “I’m just nervous.”

“Hey,” You move to sit next to her. “We don’t have to do anything.”

“Can we go to your room?” Rosie offers weakly, which you nod, standing, extending a hand out. She gives you a small smile, taking it before you pull her up. She stumbles a little, but you’re there to catch her. “Lead the way?” 

You guide Rosie to your room, nerves prickling at you because no woman has ever been in your room except Nayeon. You had a strict rule of sleeping with women at their place, never yours. Rosie notices your hesitation when you stand in the doorway, asking if you were okay. 

“Um, this is going to sound bad, but the last woman that was in my bed was Nayeon,” You say quietly, letting go of Rosie’s hand. 

“That’s okay?” Rosie says unsurely. “If it’s too much for you, we can go back to the couch.” 

You shake your head. It isn’t that big of a deal, you were probably overthinking it. “No, it’s okay. I just felt like telling you that,” Which was true. You wanted to tell Rosie that, even though there wasn’t a reason to. 

Rosie kisses your shoulder softly before walking around you towards your bed. She slips underneath the comforter, which you follow right after her, laying on your side as she’s on her back. 

“You okay? We don’t have to do anything else tonight,” You prop your head on your hand, staring at her as she looks at the ceiling. 

“Yeah I’m okay, more than okay. It just feels…” Rosie trails off, pouting a little as she tries to find the words. She looks pretty cute like this, but you immediately shake that thought away. You aren’t supposed to be having thoughts like that when this whole situation was transactional. “Intimate, I guess. To be in your bed like this.” 

“I suppose so.” 

“But yeah let’s keep going,” Rosie glances at you before turning to face you. “How should we…?”

A question pops into your mind, “Have you ever touched yourself?” 

“Err, yes?” 

“What does that mean?” You chuckle.

“I guess I have. I’ve never gotten off on my own though. I’ve put a finger inside myself, but it felt weird so I just stopped,” Rosie blushes, turning away. 

“Uncomfortable?” You ask softly, bringing your hand to rest on her stomach. 

“I guess? I don’t exactly know what I’m doing,” Rosie mumbles. 

“Let me, yeah?” You move so you’re sitting up, back against the headboard. “Come here, sit in between my legs.” 

Rosie complies, settling in between your legs as she lays against your chest. You kiss the crown of her head, sliding your arms around her body. 

Now this feels intimate, and oddly feels right to be with her like this. Again, you shake that feeling away, reminding yourself that this is just sex. 

A finger traces down her stomach aimlessly, hoping it relaxes her. She sighs contentedly before resting her head on your shoulder. You kiss her neck, and she giggles. 

“That tickles,” Rosie says shyly. 

“But in a good way right?” You murmur, bringing your hand lower. Her legs automatically widen and her breath hitches as you apply light pressure on her hip bone. 

“Yeah,” Rosie sighs, shifting against your cock. 

“Good. You trust me right?” You dip your hand in between her legs, resting on her pubis. Her hands find your thighs to hold on to, nodding. 

You swipe a finger in between her folds, slowly, and she’s absolutely soaked. Your cock twitches at how wet she is. You’re sure you’re leaking into the fabric of your sweats. 

“You’re wet,” You don’t recognize your voice. 

“I’m sorry?” Rosie moans as you swipe through again, gently brushing over her clit. 

“No, it’s fucking hot,” You murmur and her nails scratch at your skin. “So fucking hot.” 

You repeat the motion a few times, eliciting soft moans as she squirms against you. Your other hand carefully unbuttons her blouse, and when the last button comes undone, you cup her breast, squeezing lightly. 

“You’re being a tease,” You smirk against her skin, nipping lightly as she drops her head down. 

“Just making you feel comfortable,” You chuckle as you swipe down, dipping your index finger inside. 

“Oh shit,” Rosie throws her head back when you pull your finger out. 

Your finger circles her entrance slowly as her legs spread wider. This position isn’t the best and you’ll likely strain your wrist, but you couldn’t care less about yourself at the moment. You insert your finger in again, but this time, you don’t pull out, letting your finger rest inside her. 

You imagine your cock inside her, stretching her out. Your cock literally aches to be inside her because if this was how she felt—tight, warm, wet—you’d bust. 

“Move,” Rosie commands through gritted teeth, her hips rolling down to get more of you inside her. 

“So impatient,” You whisper, biting her skin softly. “It’s like you want me or something.” 

“Oh fuck you,” Rosie’s nails digging into your skin as you start to move. 

“You will,” Your voice comes out low, slowly moving in and out of her slick. “Not tonight,” Unfortunately, “But you will.” 

“You’re so—fuck,” Rosie chokes on her words when your palm brushes over her clit, the penetration overstimulating her. 

You smirk, freeing your hand from her chest and bringing hers under yours, “Touch yourself.”

Rosie easily obliges, rubbing her fingers over her clit as you begin pumping a smidge closer. Her pussy’s still tight, but her body’s slowly welcoming the intrusion. Based on the blissed-out expression on her face, eyes closed, she’s biting her lip. 

“Don’t be shy Rosie,” You kiss behind her ear, “Let me hear you.” 

Her eyes open, and the lust is there. She moans louder as her fingers move faster, causing you to match her pace. Your cock aches, wanting some sort of relief that your hips lightly thrust against her backside. 

“Fuck,” Is all you can say because you want to fuck Rosie, especially with how her walls are squeezing your fingers.

“Cum,” You say simply and she does.

Her body spasms, back arching as she presses her butt directly on your cock. She lets out the sexiest moan you’ve ever heard, drawn out as her free hand reaches for your neck. Her walls aren’t letting your fingers move, so you opt to gently move them to prolong her orgasm.

After a minute, or two, Rosie falls limp in your hold, her arms flailing over your thighs. You slowly pull your fingers out, peering over her shoulder to see her slick. A nasty thought comes to you, and you bringing your fingers to your mouth, cleaning them to see what she tastes like, and dear fuck you want it directly from the source. 

“You’re fucking gross,” Rosie pants softly, weakly lifting her arm to swat your hand away. 

“You wanna taste yourself?” You brush your finger against her lips, and she makes a disgusted face. “Eh, if not now, later.”

Rosie tries to sit up, but she falls back into your chest, resting her head on your shoulder as you bring your arms around her stomach. You kiss her neck, murmuring, “Was that okay?” 

“It was great,” Rosie nods slowly, turning her head slightly to kiss your cheek. “Thanks for that. I see the appeal in it now.”

You chuckle, chest vibrating against her body, “Yeah sex is pretty great.” 

“I’m so tired,” Rosie yawns.

“Uh,” You’re still hard, which you hoped Rosie was too blissed out to notice. “Let me just shower first and I’ll take you home.” A cold shower was needed. You’ll probably give yourself relief when you get home, but you don’t think you’ll be able to survive the drive. 

“Okay,” Rosie yawns again, “But can we stay here for a few more minutes?” 

“Of course.”

Rosie sighs contentedly, snuggling into your chest. You typically didn’t cuddle after, but with her, it felt warranted. You wouldn’t say it felt right, but it didn’t feel wrong. You were comfortable doing this with her, and you hadn’t felt that since Nayeon. 

You would be lying if you said you hadn’t missed Rosie. Child-you would be happy to spend time with her, but adult-you knows what this is—sex. A knot forms in your stomach at the thought, but your rational side knew you  and her weren’t ever going to be together. 

Weird, but you dismiss the feeling completely.

“I’ll give you some clothes to wear,” You offer, nuzzling your chin into her. 

“They’ll give you shit, you know that right?” Referring to her friends.

“Tell Jennie she never got anything from me,” You quip, earning a light slap on your leg. “What! She didn’t!” 

“Stop talking about my friend who you’ve slept with after you just gave me two orgasms,” You didn’t need to see her face to know she rolled her eyes. 

“Sorry,” You mumble, kissing her neck. 

Rosie laughs, a sweet airy laugh that has your heart fluttering, and you think that it’s a sound you’d want to hear more often. 

--

--

Someone ruffles your hair as you’re zoned in on finishing this expense report and you hear laughter behind you. 

“What the fuck,” You pull your headphones out to see the offender. 

Rosie. 

With Lisa right behind her. 

“Sorry,” Lisa peeks her head over Rosie, “You just looked too focused that I wanted to mess with you.” 

“What do you two want?” Your eyes narrow as Rosie smiles. It eases your irritation, but still.

“Figured we’d say hello. Chaeng saw you, but didn’t want to disturb you. I, however, did,” Lisa answers, stepping forward. There’s a shit-eating grin on her face. 

“Hey,” Rosie says softly. “I’m sorry. I told her not to.” 

“It’s okay,” You shrug, checking your watch. 

“Do you have plans tonight?” Lisa wiggles her eyebrows, eyes darting to Rosie, who slaps the back of her head. “Ow.”

“I have a game with Yoongi in about an hour.” 

“Oh we should watch!” Lisa nudges Rosie, who rolls her eyes. “Come on, it’ll be fun.” 

Rosie gives you a look, as if she’s waiting for you to invite her yourself. You smile, giving a small nod. 

“Okay fine,” Rosie sighs, shaking her head, but she smiles at you anyways. 

“Are you good oppa? I’ve seen Yoongi play, and he’s pretty good,” Lisa asks as you start to pack your stuff. 

“I guess you’ll see,” You didn’t like talking about yourself. You considered yourself decent, but there would always be someone better. 

When you finish, you decide you wanted to tease Rosie. You wait until Lisa’s a few feet away, leaning forward, “I’m usually pretty riled up after a game, so I hope you’ll come over after.” 

The blush on Rosie’s face has you grinning, which gets even wider when she gives you a small nod.

--

“I don’t get why you do that.”

“Do what?” You ask, mouth full of mandu. 

“Say you’re not good, but then score twenty points like it’s nothing.”

“So you were keeping track?” You smirk, reaching for another mandu on the table with your chopsticks. 

“No, Yoongi told me after the game,” Rosie huffs, crossing her arms as she slouches into the couch. 

“It’s okay if you did, I’m flattered you paid that much attention to me.” That earns you a slap, but you couldn’t care. You played the whole game so you were starving. 

You’re back at yours, just hanging out. You really had no intention of doing anything with Rosie tonight, even if you did tease her about being riled up. As much as you’d hate to admit it, you enjoy spending time with her as of lately. 

Lisa gave you a thumbs up when Rosie told her she’d be leaving with you. No one seemed to notice when you two walked out together, but Yoongi did text you asking where you went since the team usually went out after. 

“I have a question.”

“Go for it.”

“Do you ever feel frustrated after we you know?” 

“Uh,” The question catches you off guard. 

It’s been two days since, and you can admit it was a struggle after feeling her cum on your fingers. You thought about having sex with someone to give you some relief, but that thought had the knot in your stomach tightening. 

“Frustrated in the sense I need to release,” You answer honestly, but quickly followed up with, “But it’s not that big of a deal. I took care of it.” The tips of your ears burned at the implication.

Rosie sighs next to you, shaking her head, “Okay can I be honest?” 

“Uh of course?” 

“I feel bad,” You were about to bite into the last mandu, but you stopped. “I feel like you’re always making me feel good, but I feel like I’m doing nothing in return.”

You place the mandu back in the box, dropping your chopsticks with it. 

“Believe me you are,” The memory of Rosie’s face as her orgasm hit was something that could not be forgotten. 

“But it doesn’t feel like it!” She throws her hands up dramatically. “I haven’t even seen your you know yet.”

“Oh my god,” You chuckle. “Just say it. It’s not a bad word.” 

“Cock?”

“No.”

“Penis?”

“No.”

This conversation is getting nowhere. 

“Take it out,” Rosie says suddenly.

“Only if you say cock,” You raise an eyebrow. 

“No.”

“Then no cock for you,” You poke her nose after she huffs, hitting your leg. 

After a minute, Rosie shoves her face into your chest. She mumbles something that you can’t quite make out, asking her to repeat. 

“Cock,” Rosie says quietly, rubbing her face deeper from embarrassment. 

“Was that so hard?” You smile, kissing her head. “Do you really want me to ‘take it out’ as you so eloquently put it?” 

“Yeah,” Rosie mumbles, and you swear there’s a pout. 

“You do it,” You offer, shifting slightly to wrap an arm around her. “No pressure Chaeng. Do whatever you feel is right and if anything hurts me, I’ll tell you.”

Rosie shyly asks if you could move to your bed, which you happily oblige. You swoop her in her arms, causing her to scream and slap your chest the whole way to your room. You laugh as she curses at you, but it’s fun for you and you know she thinks it is too. 

“You’re annoying,” Rosie comments after you drop her on the bed. “Literally the most annoying person I know. How do girls put up with you?” 

“I can think of a few ways that make up for it,” You sit on the edge of the bed, facing her. 

“Arrogant too,” Rosie adds, shifting her body so she’s next to you. 

Neither of you say anything while you’re sitting. You’re trying to think of how to guide Rosie while she stares at the floor. An idea pops into your mind, as you scoot until your back is pressed against the headboard. 

“What’re you doing?” 

“Seduce me,” You say simply, patting the space next to you. Her eyebrows furrow, but she’s right back next to you in no time. 

“How?” 

“We’ve done a few things together, I’m sure you could figure it out.” It wouldn’t take much to turn you on. Your control slips every time Rosie’s over that your body has a mind of its own. 

She could kiss you and you’d be hard, as embarrassing as that is.

“Um okay,” Rosie bites her lip as she looks at you. 

You smile, winking even, that makes her roll her eyes. 

Rosie leans forward, kissing you softly on the lips. You keep your hands still, but your lips move easily against hers. She lets out a small moan when you dip your tongue into her mouth. Her arms circle around your neck, pulling you closer.

The blood in your body rushes south, waking your cock as Rosie presses against you. Kissing her has become one of your favorite things even if you’ve only done less than a handful of times. As someone who has had a healthy sex life, it’s scary how easily your body reacts to her.

She detaches her lips, placing soft kisses along your jawline. You let her, relaxing into the headboard as your eyes close.

A groan escapes from your lips when Rosie places her hand over your crotch. 

“What?” She pulls back, a concerned look etched on her face. Her hand doesn’t move though. 

“Nothing, you’re doing great,” You take a breath, “Just caught me off guard.” 

Rosie makes a sound, but goes back to kissing your face. Her hand starts to move, palming your cock over your sweats.

Your body immediately reacts, hardening underneath her touch. She smirks against your neck, “Well hello.” 

You laugh, shaking your head before kissing her sweetly on her forehead, “It’s a bodily reaction, what do you expect?”

“I think your body likes me,” Rosie brings her lips to yours before sitting straight. In a swift move, she swings her leg over you, cupping your face and bringing you in a bruising kiss, not giving you a chance to answer.

You instinctively rest your hands on her waist, pulling her body flushed against yours. She lets out a moan as your grip tightens. 

You’re too lost in the kiss to notice Rosie sneaking her hand in between. Her fingers brush against the waistband of your sweats, abdomen tightening at her touch. You mumble a pathetic please because all she’s doing is riling you up. She smirks against your lips, dipping her hand to actually touch you. 

Your head’s spinning and your hips involuntarily thrust into her hand. Given the space, it’s a little tight, but Rosie’s hand wrapped around you has your control slipping faster than before. You pull your sweats down so you’re fully free.

“Is this okay?” Rosie asks in between kisses as she slowly moves her hand up and down your length.

“Fuck yes,” You groan, detaching your lips from hers as your head falls backs. 

Her hand’s soft, velvet-like, as she strokes you. You’re almost scared to look down because you feel yourself leaking as she cups the tip. She tentatively spreads it over you, that it’s making you lose your mind. 

You open your eyes to Rosie intently staring at her ministrations, her tongue slightly peaking out. 

“You can squeeze a little, but—ow shit!” Your hand shoots out, holding her wrist as you gasp. 

“Oh my god,” Rosie automatically lets go, “I’m so sorry!” 

You cough, catching your breath. You’re already sensitive, but it felt like Rosie was about to rip your dick off. “I’m fine,” You cough again, “Just a little lighter.” 

“Sorry,” Rosie mumbles, looking away. 

You place your hand over hers, together enclosing over your cock. “Like this,” You slowly move her hand under yours, applying enough pressure. Her hand’s smaller than yours, so she can’t completely fit around your girth. 

“How does it feel?” Rosie asks softly. 

“Good,” You nod, eyes rolling back as you let go of her hand. “So good.” 

Rosie experiments with her grip and pace for a while, going faster at times while squeezing the right amount that has you seeing stars. You’re too focused on her hand that you don’t notice her move off your lap. 

Something warm envelopes your cock and your eyes shoot open to Rosie’s mouth around the head. 

“Fuck,” You grip the bedsheet, nearly tearing it off. “Give me a warning next time,” You moan. 

“Sorry,” Your cock fucking pops out of her mouth as she continues to stroke you, “It seemed warranted. Too much?” 

“Not enough,” Your abdomen tenses as she engulfs you again, going farther down your length. 

Her tongue licks your tip as you watch her cheeks hollow out. You're mesmerized as she moves her head up and down your length, and each time she gets lower. 

“Has anyone ever deepthroated you?” Rosie asks, catching her breath, but her hands don’t remain idle. 

“Uh,” You barely hear her question, “I don’t know,” You couldn’t give a fuck about anyone else at the moment, but if she wants to try, you’ll let her. 

“Can I try?” Rosie places a sweet kiss on the tip, making a face as a smidge of precum gets on her lip. 

“By all means,” Your eyes roll back. Your hand itches to hold onto her head, but you’re scared of forcing her to take more than she can. 

Rosie’s lips are around you once again, and the tip hits the back of her throat. There’s a sharp inhale, and you’re not sure if it’s from her or you, but that doesn’t deter her. 

“Chaeng,” You grit out and your hand moves to the back of her head, threading your fingers in her hair. You don’t push down, but her throat relaxes and takes you all the way. “Fuck,” Your fingers fist through her locks, keeping her there until her finger taps on your thigh. 

You immediately let go, and she comes off your cock, a slight dribble of drool on her chin. 

“How was that?” Rosie smirks. 

“Either make me cum or fuck off,” Your eyes narrow, challenging her that she doesn’t reply, instead taking you down her throat once more, swallowing around your length that you cum without warning. 

You try to pull her off as your release shoots down her throat, but she’s adamant to take all of you. Your eyes roll back when she swallows, the pressure becoming too much as your hips thrust up into her mouth. 

Rosie’s mouth is dangerous, and you’re thanking whatever deity for her skills. You’ve had your fair share of blow jobs, but she’s number one in your book. You’re definitely never going to tell her because practice makes perfect, and you know she’s a perfectionist. It might be a little selfish, but you’ll gladly be willing to take whatever she gives you until this is over. 

Once your orgasm and she’s drained you for all that you’ve had, your hand relaxes, dropping to the side. She slowly comes off your cock, overly sensitive, but she licks the underside and that has your head spinning. 

“So,” Rosie sits in between your legs, wiping her chin with the back of her hand, “How was I?”

You’re still trying to catch your breath, but you weakly get out, “There’s always room for improvement.”

“Really?” Rosie raises an eyebrow, eyeing your now-soft cock. “I drained you in less than fifteen minutes.” 

“I’ve been pent up,” You mumble, eyes closing. “I blame you.”

“Just admit you think I’m hot,” Rosie’s suddenly hovering over you, hair tickling your face. 

“Move your hair,” You try to push her off, but you’re bone dead. Playing a game followed by this has your body exhausted. 

“Admit it,” Rosie kisses your lips, a slight tang on them. “I did,” She adds. 

You groan, wrapping an arm around her so she’s fully on top of you, “Why do you need to hear that?” You know she knows you think so. 

“Cause,” She kisses you again, leaving her lips on yours.

“Cause what?” You sigh, lazily moving your lips against hers. 

Rosie’s tongue dips into your mouth, short circuiting your brain before murmuring, “Cause it’s you.”

Your eyes feel heavy, wanting to pass out and you actually might. Something washes over you before your body shuts down. You don’t know why, but you tell her, “You’re not hot, you’re beautiful,” before sleep takes over completely.

(You wake up a few hours later, alone, but not without a note on your nightstand, groaning at Rosie’s cursive— 

Thanks handsome guy <3 see you around. 

ps I called a car, and before you beat yourself up, it’s okay)

--

--

It’s stupid. 

You’re stupid. 

A fool, some might say.

You’re calling yourself a fool. 

What compels you to be at Rosie’s apartment door, waiting, holding a bouquet of roses, without even asking if she’s home, is beyond you. 

It’s a risky move, the longer you wait for her—or anyone for that matter—to open the door. 

You immediately felt guilty waking up to Rosie’s note. You didn’t even return the favor, and you’ve been wanting to. In your mind, showing up at her place, uninvited, with flowers, was a way to make it up to her before asking if she wanted to come over so you could thoroughly make it up to her. 

The door swings open and it’s Lisa, clothes wrinkled and hair all over the place. You don’t comment on it because you know something’s going on between her and Jennie, but it wasn’t your place to ask. Instead you ask, “Hey, sorry to bother, but is Rosie in?” 

Lisa smiles, and your face falls, the answer doesn’t need to be said, but she invites you in anyways. 

You don’t know why you just don’t leave, but you enter their apartment, slipping off your shoes while awkwardly holding the flowers. 

“Here, let me take those.” They’re out of your hands before you could respond. “Make yourself at home.”

You’ve been here a handful of times, mostly when there was a party or someone needed a ride home, but it feels off being here. 

Or does it feel that way because she wasn’t here? 

You follow Lisa to the living room, seeing Jennie seated on the couch in the same disheveled appearance. Her eyes widen when she realizes it’s you here, but she doesn’t say anything except for a polite hello. 

Neither of the women say anything, but Lisa prepares the flowers in the vase. You stare at the coffee table, trying to find any words to explain why you’re here. 

“So what brings you here?” Jennie asks a question she knows the answer to. 

“Uh, I thought Rosie would be in,” You answer, scratching the back of your head. You notice the silent exchange between the two, but the sad smile that forms on Jennie’s face says enough. 

“She’s out at the moment,” Jennie bites her lip, thinking of what to say. “She should be back in an hour or so. You’re more than welcome to stay.”

“I probably shouldn’t,” You sigh, realizing just how stupid it was for you to show up. Your thoughts stray that she’s out with Soohyun, but that leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. 

“She’s having dinner with Soohyun,” Lisa says and you watch Jennie’s eyes narrow, rolling her eyes. 

“Lisa.”

“What? He should know,” The woman shrugs, acting as if it’s not a big deal. 

And it’s not. 

At least, that’s what you’re telling yourself. 

“Rosie can do whatever she likes,” It comes out harsher than you intended, but you’re feeling something that you don’t want to acknowledge. You stand, “I should get going. Uh, you guys can keep those. No need to tell her that’s for her. Sorry they’re not blue Jen,” You add, knowing those are her favorite. 

Jennie gives you a sympathetic smile, shaking her head, “You’re sweet, you know that right?” 

“Sure,” You shrug, walking towards the door. “Sorry to bother you both,” You bow after slipping your shoes on.

“You sure you don’t want to stay?” Jennie asks, meeting you by the door. 

“Yeah, it’s okay. Please don’t tell her,” There’s a fifty-fifty chance Rosie would find out, odds being Lisa telling her where the roses came from. 

“Why not? It’s sweet you brought her flowers.”

“I don’t really have a reason as to why,” You do have a reason, but you’re not sure how much Rosie shares with them. 

Jennie looks like she doesn’t believe you, but she doesn’t press you anymore, nodding. “See you at Mina’s?” 

“Maybe,” You answer vaguely, remembering that you actually have to see your parents this weekend sans the Parks. “I have a business meeting with my parents, so I doubt I’ll make it back in time.” 

“With Chaeng?” Jennie raises an eyebrow. 

“No, just me, so I’ll be in Seong-buk,” You grimace at the thought of having to sit in this, but your father’s adamant it’s good exposure for you. 

“Well I hope you can make it,” Jennie reassures, hugging you briefly before taking a step back. 

“You’ll see me if I do,” You wink. “Thanks again Jen.”

Once the door shuts, you sigh. You couldn’t believe you showed up at Rosie’s place, unannounced. What were you expecting? You’re still not entirely sure, but you’re disappointed nonetheless. It’s almost been two weeks since this arrangement started and you’re scared you’re getting attached. You’ve had longer flings and felt zero attachment to them. 

You question why it feels different, and you toy with the idea of joining Jungkook in Hongdae to remind yourself that you don’t get attached. A wave of guilt passes through you, which you’re torn on what you should do. 

“Fuck it,” You mumble to the empty hallway. 

--

You hear the door knock and pause the show you’ve been sort of watching with Rosie. You’d rather drown in the river than admit you actually like this show. 

You aren’t expecting anyone except the food delivery, so you are surprised when you open the door to see Rosie. 

“Uh hey?” You greet. One look at her and you know she’s upset based on the fire in her eyes. 

“What the fuck,” Rosie spits out. 

Great. Fucking Lisa. 

You aren’t given the chance to ask anything as she barges through the door. You turn around once the door’s shut, and she’s seething. 

“What’s wrong?” 

“Why the fuck did you show up at my place?”

“Drop off flowers for Jennie and Lisa,” You answer noncommittally, crossing your arms as you lean against the door. 

“Bullshit. Tell me why,” Rosie steps forward, invading your space. Her perfume makes you dizzy, but you can’t dwell on it too much since she looks like she’s about five seconds away from ripping your head off. 

“What do you want me to say?” You deflect. You didn’t want to get into the reason why—the actual reason—that had you take the train back to yours instead of a club. 

“The fucking truth!” She throws her hands up dramatically, shaking her head. 

“I came over because I wanted to make it up to you for completely knocking out last night, happy?” You roll your eyes, pushing yourself off the door and walking past her. 

“No, I’m not—hey! Get back here, I’m still talking to you,” Rosie’s hand encloses over your wrist. 

The move forces you to turn around, reflexively pulling her into you so that you’re face-to-face. 

“Don’t,” Your voice comes out low. “I’m being honest. Your turn now, why are you here?” 

“Because,” Rosie tries to get out of your grasp, but it’s futile. “As soon as I get home, Lisa fucking singsongs that you dropped by with flowers to see me. Then she told me she mentioned to you that I was out with Soohyun.”

You let go, dropping her hand completely before taking a step back. Hearing his name makes you sick, but you refuse to admit why. 

“How was that?” You ask, tired, because you knew what you signed up for. 

“Do you really want to know?” Rosie crosses her arms, glaring. 

“I don’t, but you’ll tell me anyway.”

“It was good. He’s funny. He’s polite, offered to pay the bill, and walked me to the door,” Each word digs at you, but you don’t let it show. “He wanted to come in to say hello to the girls, but I told him I just wanted to sleep. He asked me out again.”

“And? Is there going to be a second date?” 

“Yes,” Rosie says flatly. 

“Good, happy for you,” You hoped you sounded as detached as possible. “Now you still didn’t answer why you’re here if you ‘just wanted to sleep’?” 

“Because I’ve been fucking frustrated since last night,” Rosie sighs, shaking her head. “I didn’t think I would be, but you fucking fell asleep. I tried dealing with it myself, but that made it worse.” 

All you’re imagining is Rosie, in her bed, touching herself, which has you immediately hard. But you’re a little ticked off at the moment to fully enjoy that imagery.

“Why didn’t you ask Soohyun to help you?” It’s a low blow, but you couldn’t help yourself.

Rosie pushes you, like actually pushes you, with enough force to move. 

“You’re a fucking asshole,” Rosie seethes out, turning to walk out. “I planned on coming over after the dinner for you to take care of the problem you created.”

You’re faster, grabbing her arm to pull her body flush against yours. 

“So you couldn’t cum?” You whisper. 

“Fuck you,” Rosie struggles to get out from your hold, but you have one arm securely wrapped around her waist. 

“I don’t think we’re there yet,” You murmur, “But there is something I still haven’t done.” 

“I’m mad at you,” Rosie ignores your suggestion. 

“If I do what I want to do, I promise you won’t be mad.”

“Doubtful,” Rosie pouts, relaxing into your embrace. 

“I’m sorry,” You mean it.

“I’m still mad,” She huffs, burying her face into your chest. 

“Let me make it up to you,” You tilt her head up, forcing her to look at you. “Please?” 

“Fine. On the condition I sleep over.”

You freeze, vividly remembering the rules you set in place that she wouldn’t sleep over. 

“Our rules?” 

“You broke the first one by coming over without telling me,” She reasons. 

“Do you want to spend the night?” You ask nervously. You hadn’t spent the night with a girl since Nayeon. Every time you had sex, you’d leave before they woke up, or right after. 

“Yes,” Rosie rocks on her tiptoes to kiss you briefly, wrapping her arms around your neck. “It makes things easier for us.” 

“Can I still bring you home in the morning?” You ask shyly, looking away. 

“You better,” Rosie smiles. “I’m still mad though.” 

You roll your eyes, using your strength to pick her up, wrapping her legs around your waist, “I’ll make it up to you.” 

Rosie squeals, hitting your shoulder as you carry her towards your room. “Don’t drop me!” 

You chuckle, shaking your head, as you kick the door open, “You’re fine, trust me.”

You do drop her on the bed and Rosie huffs as she sprawls out on the bed. You take in her appearance—a simple black dress that falls mid-thigh with her hair half-up. She’s beautiful, but you won’t say it out loud—even though you feel like you’ve told her. 

“You’re staring,” Rosie comments, resting on her elbows, a small smile tugging at her lips. 

“Can you blame me?” You drop to your knees, pulling her towards the edge of the bed. “Do you trust me?” You ask softly, locking eyes with her.

“Yes,” And that’s all you need.

— 

You wake up slowly, yawning and stretching. Your arm hits a body, causing you to almost jump when you notice a body’s pressed to your side. You remember that Rosie stayed the night after spending a good amount of time and effort in between her legs. 

She had physically yanked you away from overstimulation, but it was worth it. The sounds she made along with how she tasted was something you wanted to do again. You barely scratched the surface, but you were addicted. 

You had to give her credit because she came three times. You tried to go for a fourth, but she mustered enough strength to kick you away. You wouldn’t let up until she wasn’t mad anymore. By the second orgasm, she wasn’t, but you had to make sure. 

When you were done, cleaning up the mess you made, you kissed her softly as she laid limply on the bed. “Thanks,” She mumbled, sighing contentedly as she played with the hairs on the back of your neck. “I’m not mad at you anymore.” 

“I know,” You smirked, kissing her again before laying your head on the pillow. 

Rosie wanted to return the favor, but you shook your head, embarrassed to share that you were touching yourself while eating her out. She found out anyway because you couldn’t lie to her. It went straight to her head, teasing you that you couldn’t help yourself. She kissed the pout away before falling asleep. 

You check the clock on your nightstand, “Fuck,” You mutter, stirring Rosie awake. 

“What’s wrong?” Rosie’s voice comes out hoarse, slightly turning her body. 

It’s almost noon, and you haven’t finished looking over the reports and proposals your father sent over last night. 

“I’m so sorry,” You sit up, shaking your head in frustration. “I would make you breakfast, but I have to review some things for tonight.” 

“What’s tonight?” You watch her rub her eyes, and you can’t help but think how cute she is. 

“I have a business dinner with my parents.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah…” You trail off. 

“Do you want me to go with you? I’d just have to stop by my place to change, but I can go,” Rosie offers, turning as she pulls the blanket over her. 

Your heart flutters. If there’s anyone that knows your parents, it’s Rosie. She’s known them since you were kids, seeing just how much pressure was put on you being their only child. It sucked a lot when things changed, but you couldn’t dwell on it that much. You were just trying to appease what they wanted, even though you knew it would never be enough. 

“Alice is home too,” Rosie adds when you don’t respond. “I can just hang out with her until you’re done.” 

“Are you sure?” You didn’t want to impose on her plans for the day. 

“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t,” Rosie sits up, the blanket falling slightly down her body. You glance and remember she was wearing one of your shirts that was a little too big on her. “Mina’s party is later, so we could go after if you need to blow off steam.”

“We’ll see how I feel,” You scoff, knowing exactly how you’d feel after. “But thanks Chaeng, it means a lot.” 

“Eh, I know how they are, so,” Rosie shrugs, leaning forward to kiss you on the cheek. She rests her head on your shoulder, laying an arm along your stomach. “I’m sorry it hasn’t gotten any better.” 

“It’s okay,” You say a little too quickly, but she doesn’t press the issue, snuggling deeper into your side. “Thanks,” You mumble. 

“You could always do whatever you want, they’d come around,” Rosie suggests, tracing a finger up and down your abdomen. 

“Yeah, like being a photographer would make enough money for them. They’d see it as a hobby, which it is, not as a career,” You say bitterly, shaking your head at the memory of when you suggested it that one time. 

“Well you could always take pictures of me, and you know, I know people in fashion that could see your portfolio.”

“Chaeng, you’ve done enough for me,” You’re shocked that she’d even offer this. You knew that she had connections, but she worked hard for those. It would feel wrong to actually take her up on it. 

“You’ve also done enough for me,” She pokes your cheek. “Just think about it, the offer’s there.”

You don’t know what to say. You deflect with humor and sarcasm because it’s what you know, especially with her, “Careful, it sounds like you actually like me or something.”

“Oh fuck off,” Rosie slaps your chest, giggling. 

She doesn’t confirm or deny it. You’re left wondering if she ever could. 

--

The car’s silent except for the music Rosie asked—demanded—to play, connecting her phone before you could say yes. You’re on your way back to the city, finished with the business meeting with your parents and some overseas executive who brought his daughter too. 

You were completely blindsided. It was a business meeting disguised as a fucking introduction to a ‘potential’ wife that your parents shamelessly arranged on your behalf. You weren’t that much of an ass to be completely rude to the girl—Kazuha—who also didn’t want to be there. She flat out told you what the meeting was, which you appreciated her honesty.

Nakamura Kazuha was pretty, an innocent air around her that would have you interested if it was under normal circumstances. Your parents coincidentally left you alone for a bit to get to know each other, and she seemed like a great person. She was shy, but polite. She was funny, in a quiet sort of way where you had to be paying attention. 

Kazuha told you she had a boyfriend that she wanted to be with; however, her parents didn’t approve. It was a point of contention because it wasn’t like Satoshi was a bad person, he just didn’t meet the standards they had—in other words, not wealthy.

You shared that same sentiment, explaining your last relationship with Nayeon and how she was a great person, but you knew your parents would never approve. 

“Who was that girl you dropped off?” Kazuha asked once dinner was over. Your parents off to the wine cellar. 

What? 

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry,” Kazuha smiled. “We arrived the same time you did and I saw you walk a girl to the house next door.”

“Oh uh that’s Rosie,” You answered vaguely. 

“She’s pretty. Are you two dating?” 

“What? No, she’s just a friend,” You rushed out, but Kazuha wasn’t dumb. She could tell that you weren’t just friends. 

“Interesting. I don’t know many guys who walk friends to the door, but,” She shrugged, “It’s none of my business. That’s sweet of you though.” 

When you only nodded, she smiled again, moving on to talk about other things. The thought of her observation struck a chord, causing you to dwell on it for the rest of the evening. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Rosie’s voice cuts through your thoughts. 

“Do you want to hear about it?” 

“I do,” Rosie nods in your periphery. 

You tell her everything. 

How the meeting wasn’t actually business for your parents. How they purposely set you and Kazuha up. How your father tricked you into preparing for something that was already signed. How your mother boldly asked when you and Kazuha would see each other next—when she lived in another country. How you were pissed and irritated and upset. How you were just tired of it. 

“I mean, fuck, at this rate, I might as well just go along with it because every single choice is made for me,” You hit the wheel while stopped at a redlight. 

“Hey,” Rosie coos, reaching for your hand, the tension melting away from your touch. “Don’t say that.”

“Well it’s not like I have any other fucking choice, unless I end up with someone who’s as rich or richer than my family, they’ll never approve. I’m literally setting up my future wife for a lifetime of disapproval. Look at Minjun, his wife hardly even attends family gatherings,” You scoff. 

You saw firsthand how your cousin’s marriage was affected by someone your family deemed ‘not good enough’. You also admired how Minjun stayed with his wife when everyone, even you, said not too because it wasn’t worth the headache. 

Rosie tugs your hand to look at her, a sad smile etched on her face, “Well then you just haven’t met that somebody yet.”

“How can I when I’m literally getting put into arranged marriages at this point?” You sigh, tired from the dinner. 

“You will, I’m sure of it,” She squeezes your hand, interlacing your fingers together. “You’re smart. You’re kind. And don’t let it get to your head, but you are good-looking. Anyone who gets to be with you would be lucky.” 

Your ears burn from her compliments. The comment of your looks does go to your head, but you don’t want to ruin the moment. 

“Thanks,” You mumble shyly, looking away as you start driving. 

“Are we going to Mina’s?” Rosie asks, keeping your hand on her lap. 

The use of we has you confused. 

“Uh, I was just going to drop you off and stay in. I don’t feel very social anymore. I’m still worked up,” You roll your eyes, turning right onto Mina’s street. 

Rosie squeezes your hand, her thumb rubbing your skin, “Are you sure? It could help you get your mind off things.”

“The only thing that would get my mind off anything is I fuck someone,” You say crassly. 

“I’m right here,” Rosie lets go of your hand, huffing.

“Yeah but I have a bit of aggression at the moment. I can’t exactly take you roughly,” You pull up to the curb, a few houses down from Mina’s. 

“And why not?” Rosie unbuckles her seat belt, crossing her legs on the seat to face you. 

“You think really low of me if I’d have your first time be like that,” You reason, rolling your shoulders as you shut the car off. 

Could you imagine taking Rosie roughly? Absolutely. You know how flexible she is, and you could have fun with her body if she gives you enough time with her. You wanted to prolong this arrangement because time’s running out. You weren’t sure if it would be a one and done type of thing, but you didn’t want to ask. 

“I don’t,” Rosie scoffs, leaning forward to kiss you softly on the cheek. “But I hope we’ll get there.” 

The kiss sends a shiver down your spine, melting into the car seat. You turn to kiss her on the lips, a simple peck that she deepens, pulling you into her that has your body on fire. 

“Can I convince you to stay?” Rosie murmurs, sneaking a hand to your slacks. She palms you through the fabric, causing you to groan against her lips. “I think I can.” Her hand deftly lowers the zipper. 

“Chaeng,” You tear away your lips, head falling back on the headrest as you watch her take your cock out. 

“Yeah?” Rosie moves over the center console, dropping her head. 

“We’re in public,” Your voice comes out hoarse as her head goes lower, tongue slipping out to lick your tip. 

“It’s dark,” Rosie kisses your cock, “Better be quick then.”

In a swift move, Rosie’s mouth encloses over you and you’re a goner. 

--

You laugh at the nonsense Jungkook says in an attempt to distract the pair across the table from missing the shot. It works, and you’re one cup away from winning again.

You feel lighter than you did an hour ago. All thanks to the woman who happens to be sitting very closely to the man she’s interested in. Although, you’re trying your best not to dwell on the sinking feeling in your stomach every time you glance her way. 

“Dude you got it,” You nod to Jungkook who’s a bit drunk, but he swears his coordination gets better the more he drinks. 

Your best friend smirks, winking at the other team before smoothly tossing the ball and it falling perfectly into the lone cup. 

“And that’s game,” Jungkook puffs his chest out while the other two roll their eyes. “Who’s next?” 

“Take Yoongi for this round, I need some air,” You say without waiting for his response. You walk off to the kitchen, grabbing a beer before you make your way to the backyard. 

A few people stop you, mostly girls, asking what you’re doing after. You give a noncommittal answer because you would like to leave with Rosie, but the odds of that happening are low. 

The cool air hits your lungs and you let out a breath. A much needed one with the amount of people that are inside. There’s a few people, but they’re all in their own conversations, not paying you any mind. 

You find an unoccupied couch, deciding to sit alone before Jungkook finds you. You’re not drunk, but you’re not sober either. You’re in that limbo of a few more drinks might put you over the edge. 

Your mind vividly replays Rosie ‘convincing’ you to stay. She didn’t need to do much to get you to cum, but she did well to get you there in less than five minutes. You were almost tempted to say fuck the party and head back to yours, but after she swallowed you for all you had to give, she patted your head and said it was time to go inside. 

“Can I sit with you?” A voice immediately brings you out of your thoughts, your gaze falling on your ex-girlfriend. 

“Sure,” You scoot over, making some room on the couch. 

You take a sip of your beer, letting the bitter liquid sit in your mouth as you gather your thoughts. It wasn’t that it was hard to be around Nayeon, it was just awkward. You two were cordial, and you knew–thanks to Sana–that she wanted to get back together. You tried avoiding her, but running in the same social circle made it difficult. 

“How’s your night?” Nayeon asks after a few minutes. 

“It’s good,” You answer politely. “How about yours?” 

“Same.”

The noise from the house fills the silence when neither of you say anything else. 

You were with Nayeon for almost two years, and there was never a lull in the conversation. She would either be asking you a million questions or she would be telling you about her day in great detail. You tried to be friends with her after you broke up, but you didn’t think it was worth it. 

“How are you and Chaeyoung?” Nayeon asks nonchalantly that you pause mid-sip. 

“What’s there to know?” You finish your beer, placing the glass bottle on the table. 

Nayeon shrugs, sipping her wine, “I saw you two walk in together.” 

“We had dinner with our parents,” You lie, but it was more a half-lie since you actually did have dinner with your parents, just separately. 

Nayeon makes a humming sound before saying, “Your relationship with her was always interesting to me.” When you don’t ask what she means–she’ll tell you anyways–she continues, “I knew you two quote unquote hated each other, but regardless of that, there was always something that made me think you, or her, might’ve had feelings.” 

“What the fuck are you talking about, Nayeon?” You sigh. The way this conversation was going instantly killed your mood. 

“It’s hard to explain,” Nayeon shrugs, taking another sip. “But she likes Soohyun right? Or they’ve gone out together.” 

“I don’t know who Rosie likes, and it’s honestly none of my business,” You were getting irritated, especially since his name was now in the conversation. 

“I’m not saying it is your business, but all I’m saying is to be careful. I just don’t want you to get hurt.” 

“That’s rich coming from you,” You snap. “You literally fucking cheated on me over an argument.” 

“You don’t think I regret that?” Nayeon’s voice cracks. “I’ve regretted that ever since.” 

“It’s too fucking late for that Nayeon, I don’t want to hear it,” You stand, blood boiling. “I’m fucking over this.” 

First the dinner with your parents, now this. You didn’t want to rehash the past with Nayeon. It was over. You got cheated on by a girl who was your first serious relationship, someone you loved, and thought about a future with. Then said-girl was telling you to be careful with Rosie, of all people. 

You knew what you were doing with Rosie, but for Nayeon to say what she said struck a chord.

Why? 

That was something you weren’t ready to admit. 

You walk away from Nayeon, leaving her alone. As soon as you enter the house, Jungkook calls you over, but you beeline for the front door without a second glance at Rosie. 

(But if you did, you would’ve seen her stand up from her seat next to Soohyun.) 

“Hey!” Rosie calls out to you. You don’t turn around, your pace picks up. “Hey, what the fuck happened?” Her hand encloses around your wrist, stopping you as soon as you reach your car. 

“Nothing,” You pull your hand away, jaw clenching as you try to compose yourself. 

“That’s a fucking lie.” 

You turn around, eyes glaring to the same expression, “Just let me be. I don’t want to deal with anyone else tonight.” 

“Too fucking bad, I’m not letting you leave until you tell me what happened,” Rosie crosses her arms. “I also have your fucking keys dumbass.” 

Fuck. 

“Give them to me,” You reach around her, knowing she put it in her back pocket, but she was faster. She took the keys out of her pocket, holding it up in front of your face. “Chaeng.” 

“You’re not fucking driving in this state. You’ve been drinking and you’re obviously pissed for whatever reason. I’m calling us a car and we’ll get yours in the morning. Don’t fucking fight with me about this,” Rosie glares, raising her chin defiantly. 

“Fine,” You roll your eyes, leaning against your car. 

You watch Rosie pull her phone out, calling a car or whatever. The alcohol was catching up to you. You close your eyes, trying to calm your nerves because you were still pissed off. You shouldn’t have taken it out on Rosie, but you weren’t expecting to see her for the rest of the night. 

You feel arms wrap around your back, Rosie’s perfume suddenly invading your senses, as she rests her head on your chest. 

“Let’s just sleep tonight okay?” Rosie whispers against your chest. “You’ve had a long day.” 

“I’m sorry,” You mumble, realizing your mistake. 

“Don’t be,” Rosie’s hand finds its way underneath your shirt, soothingly rubbing your lower back. 

“What about Soohyun?” You ask, doing your best to not sound like you were watching her. 

“He’s not relevant right now,” Rosie says softly, looping her fingers through your belt loop. “I’ll talk to him this weekend.” 

It annoys you a little bit, but you can’t help but think you’ve won some non-existent, one-sided competition with Soohyun. Rosie’s leaving with you and not him. 

You’re treading a thin line, crossing into dangerous territory. You’re hoping that once you have sex, all these feelings and thoughts that have been plaguing your mind will vanish. 

Because getting involved with Rosie was never on your mind. 

--

--

--

(It was way too long to fit in one post -_-)

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

Something He Likes (M) pt. 1

The first part of the eighth and final part to the Pathetic series

Summary: Jeonghan and y/n are finally together. But what does being together mean for them?

This part is 31k which was too much for tumblr???? Because it was over 1000 blocks??? So it's split into two parts being released at the same time IM SORRY. Alexa play Hate Rodrigo by Yena

Warnings: Dubcon as always, let’s do this one more time: dom!jeonghan, sub!y/n, masochist!jeonghan, sadist!yn, lots of public play and I mean a lot okay, Jeonghan is a tease, degradation, dacryphilia, creampies, slight teeny tiny breeding kink if you squint at one part, pet play??? Like it’s not but he calls her a bitch and makes her bark idk what you want me to call that, cunnilingus, fingering, rough sex, mean!jeonghan, references to y/n being a toy and other demeaning things in a sexual manner (but like at this point we all know this right), praise!kink if you squint, the l-bombs in this one are crazy, jealousy from both sides, possessiveness from both sides, unprotected sex as always, bimbification? (yn is fucked dumb)

-

This is part one of the eighth part of the pathetic series:

It felt weird to be standing at the door of Alpha Mu in daylight… Okay, you had been here in daylight before but it still felt wrong. You weren’t sure if it was because you didn’t really belong in a frat house, or if it was because now you were dating Jeonghan and that was weird to say.

You stared at the door, knowing from experience that what you needed to do was just to open the door. But… It was your first time coming here as a girlfriend… It just felt wrong to do so.

“Two times in a row.”

You were startled out of your thoughts by the unfortunately distinct sound of Seungcheol’s voice. You turned around, an embarrassed expression spread over your face, but Seungcheol just gave you half a smile.

“I just…” Your words died on your lips. Seungcheol’s smile grew a little bit, and he brushed past you, pushing the front door open. You watched him step in, your mouth momentarily going dry as he just left it open for you. He walked a few steps into the hallway, kicking his shoes off.

“Jeonghan, you left her outside again,” he called. You resisted the urge to hit Seungcheol and instead rushed into the frat house, kicking your shoes off and closing the door behind you. When you peeked around the door Jeonghan was on the floor surrounded by legos (as per usual).

You two caught each other’s eyes immediately and his lips fell into a smile that was mostly in his eyes. Your heart jumped in your chest at the expression, and you felt yourself stopping right next to Seungcheol who had stopped just inside the living room.

He looked at you and sighed shaking his own head.

“Look at her,” he commented gesturing to you. “This is the face of a psychology major who is going to leave you if you aren’t careful.”

Jeonghan’s smile didn’t waver, but his eyes flickered briefly down to his hands. He set down a chunk of Lego bricks, watching you for your reaction to Seungcheol’s words. You glanced back over at Seungcheol, giving him a pressed smile.

“It’s like Jeonghan says,” you mumbled. “I don’t mind waiting for him.” You thought over your words for a second. “But it wasn’t his fault that I was standing out there.”

You looked back over at Jeonghan in time to see his eyes flicker over to Seungcheol. The two boys made eye contact, and Jeonghan’s lips flickered up just a tad more.

“She doesn’t mind,” he said, his voice coming out like a brag. His eyes flickered back, and he gestured towards you. “Come here.”

Somehow that was more embarrassing than you saying that you didn’t mind waiting for Jeonghan. You gave a glance to everyone in the room and upon noticing that no one was really paying attention you walked over to Jeonghan, stooping over in front of him. He smiled at you, and raised his hands to your face, pulling you down by your cheeks.

He pulled you close but he didn’t say anything to you. Instead, his eyes narrowed at you slightly, his gaze intensifying. You let him stare at you like that for a few seconds, that ran into a minute, that had your face burning in his hands.

“Jeonghan,” you mumbled softly. He mostly ignored you, his eyes searching your face in a manner that you were starting to become accustomed to. One that was embarrassing enough when you two were alone. More so when you were in a living room full of people. You bit back a frustrated whine. “Jeonghan,” you pressed again. “’s embarrassing.”

Jeonghan’s lips pressed up into a barely there smile and he sighed, a bit overdramatically, letting his hands fall back to his sides.

“Can’t I appreciate my girlfriend in peace?”

Girlfriend. That word certainly was tickling you in a way that you had never imagined it would. You tried to press down the feeling.

“Yeah, in peace,” you replied, your eyes glancing at Seokmin on the couch as you spoke. Jeonghan followed your gaze, his cheeks very briefly puffing up when he realized where your hesitation came from. He sighed, turning his head back to you.

“Fine,” he relented. “In peace.” He smiled and gestured to the legos scattered on the floor. He didn’t have to vocally extend the invitation to sit next to him. You set your bag down and sat cross-legged next to Jeonghan.

He was now fully focused on his legos again, and you watched him for a little as her perused the colorful pieces of plastic. You were only there for a few minutes before your attention was torn away from him.

“Oh y/n.”

You looked up from Jeonghan to see that Jun was standing at the stairs, your lips flickered up into a smile.

“Jun,” you greeted. Jun walked down the last few steps and walked over to you and Jeonghan, plopping himself down in front of you. Jeonghan looked up at him with a small glance, a smile flickering on his face in greeting. Jun mirrored the look before settling his gaze back on you.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said seriously. “I have a problem.”

You frowned slightly.

“Okay…?”

It wasn’t common that Jun came to you with things. In fact, you and Jun had never really had a relationship like that before. To lump you and Jun into a box without putting Jeongyeon in it too felt wrong. In fact, you thought that your even minor relationship with Jun could be chalked up to pure over exposure to one another.

You saw him with Jeongyeon. You saw him with Jeonghan. But never more than that.

And sure, he was there to give you advice but again if it weren’t for Jeongyeon in the room than you wouldn’t be telling him your issues at all.

So, to hear Jun come to you with a problem. Even though Jeonghan was right there. It was odd.

Jun’s eyes darted to the side, seeming to access his surroundings. You glanced around as well but everyone seemed to be focused on other things.

“It’s just…” He hesitated again, looking down at his hands. When he looked back up, you gestured for him to continue. “I keep getting asked out.”

Your eyebrow rose.

“Asked out?” You asked. He nodded.

“Asked out… By a girl…” He continued. Your eyes flickered behind Jun towards the kitchen where a curious Seungcheol was now peeking out from around the corner. Your attention strayed back to Jun.

“Okay,” you replied. You couldn’t quite read exactly what Jun wanted advice with and yet that seemed to be enough context for Jun. He went silent, reaching forward to grab some of the legos scattered on the floor. He started to separate them into little piles. You would think that you had satisfied him if not for the fact that so far all you had said that wasn’t repetition was okay. You cleared your throat.

“What girl?” You pressed, hoping maybe he would pick up that you didn’t have enough context.

He barely looked at you.

“Yeonwoo,” he replied, almost as if it was obvious. He glanced around and lowered his voice. “She’s one of the prettiest girls in my major.”

Another thought occurred to you, and you leaned back on your hands in disappointment.

“What the fuck even is your major Jun?” You asked.

“I’m in aerospace engineering,” he replied pointedly.

You blinked.

“Aerospac-”

“And Yeonwoo is the top of our class,” Jun interrupted you as if the revelation of his major was nothing. “We are in a class together right now and she started…” Again, he lowered his voice, forcing you to lean forward a little. “She started sitting next to me.”

You had never been this close to Jun before and yet for some reason you still couldn’t hear him. You scooted closer to him, your shoulders brushing, fingers touching.

“And she asked me one day what my favorite kind of coffee was and when I didn’t tell her she told me that she would just… Figure it out herself. And so, she just started bringing me coffee every day.”

Your lips flickered up into a small smile.

“What? That’s so nice.”

Jun still looked troubled.

“She keeps asking to study with me after class,” he continued, as if the addition of that detail should make it more obvious as to why this was so troublesome. “Or inviting me to parties that her friends are throwing.”

Now it was your turn to feel confused. You brushed your hair back distractedly.

“Do you not like her?”

“No, I do like her,” Jun disagreed. “She’s really pretty… And nice…”

“Jun’s never dated anyone before,” Jeonghan commented. Both of you looked up from where your foreheads were practically touching. He gestured towards Jun. “So, he’s nervous about messing it up.”

Jun’s face started to redden a little.

“That’s not-”

“He’s really popular with girls he just never realizes when they are flirting with him,” Seungcheol agreed from the kitchen. Jun whipped his head around to look at Seungcheol.

“Shouldn’t you be cooking?” He blurted, and then turned back around and pointed at Jeonghan’s legos. “And you are getting nowhere with this lego set.”

“Yeah, because you stole my building partner,” Jeonghan mumbled.

“Dating people isn’t something to be so worried about,” Minghao added from where he was sitting across the room. “And if you want advice on something like that isn’t y/n the worst person you could ask?”

Your eyebrows raised.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, turning to look at Minghao, a slight tinge of hurt leaking into your voice.

Minghao raised an eyebrow at you.

“Do I really have to elaborate?” He asked. He didn’t. You bit down on your bottom lip, and as you did so you felt Jeonghan’s hand creeping up on your back. His thumb drew some small circles on your back.

“It’s okay,” he assured. “Minghao doesn’t know anything about dating anyone either.”

He turned around and shot a look at Minghao who rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his book.

“That’s exactly why I wanted to talk to you about it,” he said to you. “Because… You were scared but you got over it. How did you do that?”

That phrase echoed in your mind in a way that you were a bit embarrassed to admit. You got over it.

Had you gotten over it? You hadn’t been dating Jeonghan for long at all and even as long as you had been dating him it wasn’t like you were dating him…. You two weren’t doing anything different than you had been before.

This was your first time over at the frat house since you two had gotten together and what had you done? Stood in front of the door as if you had never been over there before in your life. Like an idiot. Like somebody who very much had not gotten over it.

Your silence was probably loud to Jeonghan, but it fell on deaf ears with Jun. His eyebrows furrowed at your silence, just waiting for you to go on. Jeonghan nudged you in the side with his shoulder and once again you were reminded of exactly how close you were to Jun. You gave him a small half-there smile and pulled back from Jun.

“You just have to give it a shot,” you replied. “No matter how scared you may feel that’s just… Normal. Pre-relationship jitters. It’s simple, isn’t it? She likes you… You like her. Just go for it.”

You thought your advice was pretty shotty, and you knew that it was almost word for word the advice that people had given you about Jeonghan, but despite all of that Jun nodded, satisfied by your response. Obviously, you had said the right thing.

Silence fell over everyone in the room again and you took the opportunity to scoot back closer to Jeonghan. Once you were close enough to him, Jeonghan let his head fall limp on your shoulder, his eyes still on the legos in his hands. He looked confused as he stared at the lego blocks for reasons you were unsure of.

He seemed… You weren’t really sure what it was but not like himself really. He was being much quieter than usual… Maybe it was just because he was around the others. You nudged him in the side lightly, making his head move a bit on your shoulder, just so that his chin was tilted a bit further up towards you.

“Do you need me to read the instructions out for you?” You asked. Jeonghan silently shook his head against you and his head returned itself to its former position. You were unsure of exactly what he wanted out of you. You hoped that wasn’t what this was always going to be like. You being completely unsure of his intentions or wishes.

It was awkward… Because the others were here but you decided that if Jeonghan wasn’t putting up a fuss about it, and the other boys didn’t care about the very public display of affection you weren’t going to say anything about it either.

Jeonghan started to silently put all of the pieces of the lego set together, shifting every once and a while to get closer to you, or to flip the page of his instruction manual. You weren’t sure exactly how much time passed before Seungcheol came back into the living room from his cooking in the kitchen, but you felt like it had been a while.

Jeonghan had managed to build a few of the walls of his creation, and you had honestly gotten lost in the feeling of having him right there next to you. He was so quiet and calm… His breathing so even. You simply weren’t used to this side of Jeonghan. You weren’t used to him just… Existing beside you.

Seungcheol caught your attention, an eyebrow quirking towards you in your position. It was funny how he was always able to read that about you. Read exactly how you felt about a certain situation. You sent Seungcheol a small smile, but there was panic in it.

How were you actually supposed to act around Jeonghan? You still hadn’t really figured that out.

He liked you for you.

Okay.

The you that he had seen.

You tried to think back over the things that he had seen you do.

He had seen you at parties, and in class, but what had he gathered from those moments? He rarely saw you outside of that. What about you had really caught his eye?

His speech to you in the shower echoed through your mind but even still it was hard to garner… Exactly what he saw in you.

“I don’t think I’m getting much of this done,” Jeonghan said with a sigh. You turned your gaze down towards him a bit more, inclined to just nod slightly. You didn’t think he was getting much done either.

“I can help you more if you want-”

He waved it off and pulled himself off of you.

“That’s okay. I can just finish it another time. He got up to his feet and for a moment you just sat there and watched him before you realized oh, he was leaving the room. You got up to your feet too, giving Seungcheol and Jun a nod of farewell as you followed Jeonghan up the stairs. He walked into his room, and sat down on the edge of his bed, leaving you to close the door behind the two of you.

A smile crossed Jeonghan’s lips.

“Are you not a huge fan of pda?” He asked you lightly. The question caught you off guard.

“What?”

“Well, I just noticed that when it’s just the two of us, I can do whatever I want… Kiss you, play around with you, you don’t really mind,” he commented. “At parties you don’t mind when my hands are all over you but when we’re in front of the boys…”

He trailed off, leaving you to just stand there in front of him with a red face. You decided after a few moments of embarrassing silence to walk over to him. Once again, he reached up to you and pulled you down towards him by your cheeks, pulling you into a deep kiss.

You melted under his touch, placing your hands on his shoulders for better purchase as he practically kissed the breath out of you. As he kissed you, his hands trailed down your cheeks to your neck, the thumbs of his fingers brushing at the roots of your hair as he palms pushed you closer to him, rendering you unable to pull away if you wanted to.

You didn’t mind that, you didn’t want to pull away.

After a few minutes Jeonghan finally pulled away from you to let you breathe, and you both panted as you looked at one another, eyes wide, bodies warm.

“What was that for?” You asked lightly. He just smiled.

“Just testing my theory,” he said lightly. He pulled back a bit, one of his hands raising to pinch your cheek. “You really do get embarrassed over the pda.”

You swatted his hand away from you and plopped yourself down next to him, dropping your face into his shoulder.

“No, I don’t,” you mumbled. He hummed.

“Right,” he agreed lightly. “You definitely don’t. Not even a little. Just like being emotionally vulnerable doesn’t embarrass you.”

You groaned, letting your eyes close in frustration. As you sat there with your head on his shoulder he reached around you, his fingers finding their way to your waist, his fingers dipping under your shirt.

“But you know what really doesn’t embarrass you?” He asked you softly. You glanced up at him, placing your chin on his shoulder, already able to recognize the dark look in his eyes. You swallowed hard and nodded once.

“Y-yes,” you mumbled. He hummed at your words, his fingers pinching your side.

“If you know so well you should show me,” he replied softly. “Show me exactly what you can do that proves that I don’t embarrass you. That you aren’t embarrassed of me.”

“You don’t embarrass me,” you insisted, pushing yourself off of Jeonghan.

“I don’t?” He asked. “Is that why you get so embarrassed when I’m touching you in front of the boys? Because you aren’t embarrassed of me?”

“I’m not-”

“Get undressed,” Jeonghan said, his voice lowering a bit. You swallowed but quickly got to your feet, beginning to pull your clothes off. You knew that recently you had been a brat when you were with Jeonghan, and today? You thought that you would really regret it if you kept up that behavior.

As soon as your last article of clothing fell to the floor Jeonghan was staring at you, leaning back on the palm of his hands.

His gaze may be dark, but there was admiration in his eyes regardless. A small smile graced his lips.

“You’re so perfect,” he mumbled softly. “Your body made just for me huh?”

Your face flushed red, and it made Jeonghan chide.

“There you go again you liar,” he chided. “Clearly being embarrassed because of me. And still you lie.”

“It’s just-” Obviously you were a little embarrassed. Standing there in front of him naked. He was just staring at you with seemingly no urge to do anything. God you really, really hoped that you two weren’t doing this again today. “Jeonghan please I can’t deal with the teasing today.”

He quirked his head a little so that you would come closer to him. You closed the distance between the two of you and he raised his arms, quirking an eyebrow at you. You knew what he was asking without having to hear him say it. You pushed his shirt up over his head and set it aside on the bed, before dropping down to your knees in front of him. You slid his clothes off until, like you, he was completely naked. You swallowed hard when you saw his already hard cock in front of you.

Had you forgotten how big it was? It was like every time you saw it was a brand-new reminder.

That’s not going to fit but it has fit before.

Jeonghan leaned forward, his hand coming to your chin and his thumb pressing to your bottom lip, you obediently opened your mouth, sucking the tip of his finger into your mouth. You were slapped, hard, a gasp ripping from your mouth at the touch, only to be met with a soothing hand on the cheek that he had just hit immediately after.

“Poor little thing, did that surprise you?” He asked you, a fake expression of concern on his face. You pressed your lips firmly together, not really sure what you should say in response to him. That earned you another slap, except on the opposite cheek. “I asked you a question.”

“It only surprised me a little bit,” you blurted out, your hands reaching for Jeonghan’s legs to keep yourself steady. He readjusted his weight a little, his hands threading into your hair.

“Only a little bit,” he said, his tone a little mocking. He pulled your head roughly up by the strands of your hair. You hissed in surprise. “What’s your safe word?”

A quick exclamation of your safe word and Jeonghan was letting go of your hair, but only a second later he had both hands on the side of your head, pushing you down onto his cock. He didn’t try to ease you down on it, and it was when your hands quickly grabbed at Jeonghan’s hips that you could feel the pent-up energy in his body. He wasn’t here to play coy today. He needed to just use you however he wanted to.

You urged yourself to breathe in through your nose as you choked around Jeonghan’s cock. He ignored your chokes in favor of holding your head still and thrusting his hips up into it. His moans were low, little praises leaving his mouth alongside them. His thrusts rough in a way that made spit dribble down your chin, but you didn’t even care. It didn’t bother you at all because all you could think about was how good it was going to feel when he came down your throat and then fucked you like a rag doll…

You tapped on Jeonghan’s thigh, and his grip loosened enough for you to pull off his cock. You gasped for air but that wasn’t why you had asked for a break.

“C-Can, I touch myself?” You stammered. Jeonghan’s light air of concern disappeared instantly, and instead it was replaced by one of pitied amusement.

“Oh, you poor little girl,” he said softly. “So turned on by me fucking your mouth that you need to touch your needy little pussy?”

You nodded, rubbing your thighs together in anticipation. The more time that passed… The more you thought about it, the more desperately you needed to touch yourself.

“Please Jeonghan,” you said lightly. He hummed, and his grip tightened around the sides of your head again, leading your lips back to his cock.

“Sure,” he agreed. “Go ahead.”

He went back to fucking your mouth just as roughly, but this time you let one of your hands snake down to your clit, the other wrapping around your breasts, pinching your tit. You whined as Jeonghan pummeled your mouth so hard you thought your jaw was going to hurt later, but no complaints would be heard from you even if you could vocalize them. It wasn’t long before you were fucking yourself on three fingers at the same speed as Jeonghan was fucking your face.

You could feel pleasure building in your stomach, but you knew that there was nothing you could do but avoid your clit and fight against the upcoming orgasm.

Luckily. You didn’t have to fight it for long. Without warning Jeonghan was coming down your throat. You tried your best to keep it all down, but he did that thing he liked to do to try and get you to misbehave. He pulled you off of his cock suddenly and you choked, but before you could lose it you coughed some of his cum out into the palm of your hands.

You tried to catch your breath, but Jeonghan grabbed your hand that had the spit up cum in it and pressed it against your face, smearing the cum all over your cheeks.

He sighed.

“Still can’t keep all of that cum down,” he said with a disappointed sigh. His thumbed prodded at your chin, and he seemed to admire the way your face looked after having fucked it. You could tell he wasn’t satisfied.

He slapped your cheek, causing you to stumble a little, your fingers digging into his legs. It was embarrassing how quickly that pain morphed into pleasure that went coiling through your body.

You hoped he didn’t hit you again solely because you genuinely thought you were going to come practically untouched if he did.

“Your face wasn’t red enough,” Jeognhan mumbled. He suddenly spit on your face, and before you could really react to it, he was dragging you up by your hair and shoving your face into the carpet of his floor. He slapped your ass until you were struggling to put it up in the air so that he could line himself up with your cunt and push into you.

His cock was already fully hard when he slid into you, and it cause a loud moan to erupt from the both of you. He repositioned himself so that he could press his foot to your cheek, pressing your face harder into the carpet.

“Shut up,” he mumbled and began to fuck you just as roughly as he had been before. Your whole body bounced with each thrust, and this angle would have been uncomfortable if it weren’t for the fact that Jeonghan was so literally using you.

You loved the dirty talk, you loved the teasing, you loved the torture he practically always put you through but the feeling of the carpet on your cheek, and the ball of his foot smushing your cheek made you feel like you genuinely meant nothing to him.

He didn’t care about your comfort, or your pleasure, he didn’t even want to hear your moans. He just wanted to fuck you, use you like a cum dump and move on.

You felt your body shaking and despite the way that your fingers were balled against the carpet to try and prevent yourself from doing this, you could feel yourself coming hard on Jeonghan’s cock. Jeonghan laughed in slight amusement as he felt your body shaking under him.

“God isn’t that embarrassing for you?” He chided. “Coming from sex like this? You’ll get off to just about anything.”

He didn’t say anything more before he was spilling his cum into your pussy. Again, no warning, and when your body twitched, an involuntary (and unwanted) jerk away from Jeonghan, he was pulling you back hard against him, forcing you to take every last drop.

It wasn’t until his cock had fully softened inside of you that he finally withdrew his foot, letting your body contort into a more natural shape. He let go of you and you crumbled to the floor in an exhausted heap, cum still on your face and dripping from your pussy.

For a second, you were reminded of your old partners in the way that Jeonghan seemed to have completely left you there.

But it was only a fleeting thought, a brief second before you felt Jeonghan’s body right next to you. He laid down on the floor next to you, holding a small washcloth that you wondered where he had gotten. He touched the cloth which felt cold against your very warm face.

You groaned as he began to clean the cum and spit off of your face, and you tried to swat him away because wasn’t this the worst part of it. You wondered what he saw when he looked at you after something like this. Did he see you as weak?

“Are you okay?” He mumbled softly. You let your eyes flutter shut, and you nodded silently.

“Was that, okay?” He asked. You had always wondered why he did this. Asked you all these questions after fucking you as if he hadn’t just given you the biggest orgasm and then you realized that maybe this came with what he had been talking about that one time…. Validation.

“I really liked it,” you said softly. You let your eyes flutter open so that he could see the honesty in them. “It felt so good to be used like that… Especially by someone that I trust.” Two more words hung silently in the air. Two words that you felt like you should add but… You didn’t.

“Good,” he murmured softly. “You did really good for me too. You held back an orgasm for so long, didn’t you?”

Your face flushed in embarrassment. Shame at having come without permission, but the shame didn’t last long. Jeonghan pressed a kiss to your lips.

“I love you,” he assured you softly. “Thanks for letting me use you like that. Now… Let’s get you cleaned up and ready to sleep, hm?”

Jeonghan leaned up and tried to get you to come up with him but, you stayed stubbornly in your heap of weak limbs on the floor.

“I’m tired,” you mumbled softly, ignoring the way that Jeonghan was nudging you, clearly trying to get you to get up a little but you still refused to move.

“Y/n, I don’t want to play this game,” Jeonghan said softly. You whined. “Seriously. You’ve got no excuse this time. After care.”

“This borders on abuse,” you mumbled even though it was quite literally the complete opposite of that. You peeked up at Jeonghan’s face and sighed, swinging your feet over the edge of the bed.

“And you’re so stupid when it comes to all of this,” Jeonghan replied. He took you by your forearm to help you to your feet and when you stumbled, he let out a small laugh, tapping your side.

“Hands up,” he said softly. You rolled your eyes but raised your arms so that he could slide a shirt over your head. He tugged it down tightly and sighed happily as he took you in.

“You in my clothes…” He sighed dreamily. “A sight I’ll never get tired of.”

You rolled your eyes.

“Then why’d you buy me all those clothes that one time? Waste of money if you ask me,” you murmured. He laughed again.

“I got legos out of that deal. That’s a win-win in my book,” he insisted. You rolled your eyes again at him.

“I can take a shower myself,” you commented pointedly.

“Okay,” Jeonghan agreed with a nod. “You want me to make you something to eat?”

Your mind flashed back to the last time Jeonghan had cooked for you.

“Define make.”

He rolled his eyes.

“A sandwich. I can’t mess up a sandwich now, can I?”

You supposed he was right about that. “Okay. I’ll come downstairs and join you after a shower.”

“Good.”

You went to step away from Jeonghan but before you could he grabbed your hand and pulled you back to him. He placed both of his hands on the side of your face and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead.

“I love you.”

You gave him a smile back, wondering if you could echo his words, but before you even got the chance he was walking out of the room.

Once you had showered, and Jeonghan had showered, and you two had eaten there was much discourse on whether or not you would stay the night.

“I have to get to class early tomorrow Jeonghan.”

“Okay? I’ll drive you. I want to have you close. At least if I can’t come over let me stay over with you.”

With that option being promptly knocked out of the air you found yourself laying right next to a reading Jeonghan, silence filling the air as the time ticked by. You were enjoying being there. Enjoying just spending time in his space.

But still it was giving yourself time to think.

You propped yourself up on your elbows, your eyebrows furrowing slightly.

“You know what I don’t even really know what kinks you’re into,” you said suddenly. Jeonghan glanced at you from where he was pulling a shirt on.

“Come on,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “You know that’s not true.”

“Not like…” You trailed off in frustration. “Obviously I know some of what you’re into but not like all of it.”

Jeonghan laughed.

“Okay, what else do you want to know?” He asked lightly.

“I want…” You trailed off and pulled out your phone until you got the website that you were looking for. You pressed it into his hands. He hummed in amusement at the site.

“Okay.”

It took him about thirty minutes, and in those thirty minutes you ended up playing on his phone. Something that didn’t bother him even a little bit.

“I don’t want to impede your privacy.”

“Impede all you want. I have no secrets from you.”

You narrowed your eyes at him slightly.

“So, you wouldn’t even mind if…”

He handed you his phone with his text messages open.

“Have a hay day.”

You hadn’t even really intended to go through his messages but none of the games on his phone really interested you. You were pretty deep in the Alpha Mu boys group chat when finally, Jeonghan was clearing his throat.

“Okay. Here are your results,” he said. He handed you your phone and you very quickly dropped his into his hands as well, desperate to see what the test had to say.

Dominant, obviously, masochist, brat tamer… Your eyebrow rose in surprise.

“You’re into bondage?” You asked. “Why don’t you ever tie me up?”

“For the same reason that you rarely see me be a brat tamer,” Jeonghan replied pointedly. “You’re a very good listener.”

As he spoke, he tapped the side of your face with a small smile.

“If I ask you to hold your hands up and for you not to touch, you will hold your hands up and you won’t touch.”

You nodded slowly, a small hum vibrating through your body.

“It’d be easier for me if you did tie me up every once in a while,” you mumbled softly. “Do you even know how hard it is to have the kind of self-control you want me to have?”

A satisfied smile crossed Jeonghan’s lips.

“But you have that self-control,” he said lightly. “And that’s part of why I love you.”

Your eyebrows furrowed just slightly in frustration but before you could say anything Jeonghan was shifting his weight, trapping you between his arms. A strand of his hair fell in his face, a small mischievous smile spread over his lips.

“But if being tied up is what you want…” He trailed off as one of his fingers stroked down your arm to your wrists. “I can make that happen.”

Your stupid face betrayed your emotions as always, turning a deep red.

“I-”

“But only if you wanted to, of course. I can plan it out and everything,” he said, pulling away from you. You took a deep breath that you hadn’t even realized you were holding. You nodded slowly and cleared your throat.

“Yeah, sure. Sounds like fun.”

“You know, if you want to do other things in the bedroom, I would be more than happy to fulfill those desires,” Jeonghan commented. “You don’t have to hide all your secret fantasies from me.”

Again, your face was burning. You laid down in his bed and pulled his covers up over you.

“I’m going to bed now,” you announced. Jeonghan laughed and his hand fell onto your head, giving you a solid few taps.

“Good night y/n. I love you.”

You pressed your lips together, your eyes staring into Jeonghan’s closet.

“Good night, Jeonghan.”

-

Your days with Jeonghan became like that. A pattern that you didn’t think you would ever grow tired of. Sometimes he came over, sometimes you went over to him.

It wasn’t like you two were inseparable. No, you spent time apart. You still studied with Yeongtae, and you mostly slept over at your place when you knew that Jeongyeon was going to be there. But the pattern of just… Spending time with Jeonghan was something you never realized that you would love so much.

Especially not when it came to attending parties.

“Today is the day, I can just feel it.”

You glanced at Yeongtae, your eyebrows raising skeptically as you tugged down your skirt a little bit.

“You’ve really gotta stop obsessing over-”

“Chaeryeong is here,” Yeongtae interrupted. He turned to you. “How do I look?”

You rolled your eyes and patted him on the cheek.

“You look fine,” you said. “If she doesn’t like you like this than… I don’t know Tae maybe you should just give up.”

Yeongtae gave you an annoyed expression and turned away from you without a word, disappearing into the crowd. You sighed and made your way through people until you finally spotted Jeonghan talking to a group of people that (of course) you didn’t recognize.

He didn’t really acknowledge you when you joined him at his side, but his conversation partners did, giving you a small nod of acknowledgement.

“I just don’t really know what I want to do with my linguistics degree,” one of the guys admitted with a shrug. “Sure, I got a minor in teaching English as a second language, but I didn’t need a linguistics degree to do that. It just feels like I would be wasting my degree.”

The talk of degrees intrigued you, in a way that you couldn’t even try to hide. You glanced at Jeonghan to gauge his possible reaction to the mention of this guys’ major wondering if they possibly shared one. You couldn’t tell by looking at his face. Did he suit a linguistics degree?

“That’s not necessarily true,” one of the girls in the conversation commented. “I mean, you would have a better concept of language structure than people without your major. Besides there’s other things you can do with it.”

“You could go into translation,” you piped up. Your class about the psychology of language having coincided a lot with the linguistic major you now had a few friends that were aspiring linguists. “That’s really good for those who are introverts.”

“Translation would be fun, I’m just not good enough at it to go into it,” the guy said with a sigh. “I know so many less languages than my linguistic peers. I feel like I don’t really fit in with them.”

“Oh.”

That was a good point. All the linguists that you knew were pretty fluent in at least three languages. Meanwhile, as far as you knew, that wasn’t the case with Jeonghan. You frowned, slightly frustrated. You had really thought you were getting somewhere with that.

“Well, I’m a history major, and I don’t really know what to do with my degree either,” the girl piped up. She looked at you. “I’m Jiheon by the way.”

“Oh, right,” the guy said. He reached out his hand. “Kibum.”

You smiled and went to take it but just as you did Jeonghan’s arm came to your waist, and he tugged you a little closer to him. He smiled.

“This is y/n,” he said. “My girlfriend.”

Kibum’s face flushed a little and he dropped his hand back to his side. Him and Jiheon shared a glance.

“It’s really nice to meet you,” Jiheon said. “We’ve heard a lot about you. Jeonghan really likes you.”

That seemed to make Jeonghan a little annoyed. His hand slid up under your shirt to your bare back. You hummed.

“I would hope my boyfriend likes me,” you jested lightly. “But you were saying. History major.”

Jiheon nodded.

“Right. I just… Didn’t really think about it going in you know? I love history… It just made sense to become a history major. But what do you even do with that? Teach? Am I going to be a deadbeat history teacher for the rest of my life?”

“Surely there’s more that you can do with it than just become a history teacher,” you said.

“Well.” She sighed and brushed her hair out of her eyes, dragging your attention to that. Her hair. Oh my god, she was beautiful. Wide bright eyes, with her black hair pulled back into a high ponytail with wispy bangs framing her face. Perfect skin. Large hoop earrings. One of the prettiest smiles you had ever seen in your life.

And her outfit? Low-waisted wide-legged jeans, and a tight black crop top. It was the perfect I tried but not that hard look and you were so envious of it.

“I could go into the legal world,” she replied. “Become a paralegal… Believe it or not.”

You hummed and gestured towards her.

“I mean, that’s a good idea,” you said. You bumped Jeonghan with your elbow. “Isn’t that a good idea?”

He gave you a weird look but nodded and smiled at Jiheon.

“Whatever you decide to do with your degree I’m sure it will work out. You’re very smart,” he commented. “And Kibum. Not a lot of languages. Don’t you know four?”

“Not fluently,” he replied, a small pout crossing his lips. Jeonghan rolled his eyes.

“Well, I’m a psychology major,” you commented. “Aiming to be a therapist.”

“Really?” Jiheon asked. “Have you ever thought about psychiatry?”

“In passing,” you replied with a nod. “I mean in a perfect world I could act as both, but I think that therapy is a better long-term solution to mental issues whereas obviously psychiatry can often be more short term.”

“But a faster short-term solution,” Jiheon pointed out. And she was smart too?

“Together a psychiatrist and I could solve a lot of issues for someone mentally ill,” you agreed. “We’ll see where the world takes me. If I don’t think I’m solving any issues I can always change my career.”

You hummed and then gestured to Jiheon.

“How do you two know Jeonghan?”

It was a struggle to ask if Jeonghan was a history major too. Did that suit him? You had never heard him talk about anything historical before.

“We met each other through… Oh who was it…” Jiheon murmured.

“Namjoon, I think,” Kibum said. “Didn’t he change his major like eight times before settling on public relations?”

Jiheon snapped.

“Yes, Namjoon!” She exclaimed. “He’s always throwing these wine parties specifically for socializing because… Public relations and we met there.”

“Wine parties…?” You echoed. Jiheon nodded.

“Who is going to say no to a good bottle of Moscato and a cheese platter?”

You laughed along with her and Kibum. Jeonghan still seemed a bit troubled. His fingers tickled at your back, practically begging you to inch closer to him. You ignored that, unable to imagine what exactly had bothered him about this conversation.

“So, I suppose you two don’t really know where the summer is going to take you?” You asked them conversationally.

“Actually, I am going to be interning at a law firm,” Jiheon commented. “Along with… Oh, Chayoung. Do you know Chayoung?”

“I know Chayoung,” Jeonghan replied with a nod. “Kibum, we met her at that mixer last semester?”

Kibum seemed stumped, as were you. How had you never met all these people that Jeonghan knew?

“Well, you know she’s in law school,” Jiheon continued. “We both got the internship… Thank god. I couldn’t imagine having to do it all alone.”

“I’m just taking a gap between school and work. I’m going to travel. Pick up some random jobs in different countries. Immerse myself in other cultures,” Kibum said.

You hummed, nodding.

You weren’t really sure what you were going to do after graduation honestly. Sure, you had always thought about it, but you didn’t know anything for sure. All you knew was that you didn’t want to stay here forever.

“Jeonghan used to have a pretty clear plan of what he wanted to do,” Jiheon commented. Her attention straying over to your boyfriend. “But from what I’ve heard you’ve changed a lot of your plans.”

A small, knowing smile was crossing her lips, and she teasingly flicked her thumb across his nose.

“All because you finally got the girl,” she said lightly. Your eyebrow rose slightly in surprise, but you tried to cover it with a laugh.

“We haven’t even talked about the future,” you replied. “We’ve only barely been dating.”

“Yeah, but hasn’t Jeonghan been in love with you since freshmen year?” Jiheon asked, her eyebrows raising knowingly. You tried not to look too surprised. You glanced at Jeonghan only to find that he was stunned. “He used to have this plan to… Oh what was it-”

“People change their career plans,” Jeonghan interrupted. “That’s just natural.”

“Yeah, but you did it because you want to fit y/n’s life plan as best as you can,” she replied. Again. Lightly, but confidently. “Do you even know how badly he wants to keep you?”

Jeonghan’s fingers were even more insistent on your back. You liked the touching, but you were a little focused on the conversation at hand.

“Jiheon has a scary talent for reading minds,” Kibum piped up. You gave him a skeptical expression.

“Reading minds?”

“I’m serious, how do you think she knows all that stuff about Jeonghan?”

“Just like I know that…” Jiheon trailed off and leaned close to you, her voice dropping a few degrees. “You haven’t told him you love him yet.”

Your eyes widened. All too telling. Even if you wanted to pretend that wasn’t true… Here it was. Written out all over your face. You glanced at Jeonghan, terrified that he had overheard even though, you were sure that he had noticed your avoidance of those choice three words. He looked a bit confused. No, confirmation that he had heard.

“Lucky guess,” you murmured. She shrugged knowingly, her ponytail falling back over her shoulder.

“Maybe,” she replied. “Or maybe I really do read minds.”

As she spoke, she wiggled her fingers and giggled as if it were all some huge joke. Luckily for you, Kibum was able to turn the conversation away from the topic of Jiheon reading minds and the future and after almost an hour of talking to them and Jeonghan fending off the attention of other girls he decided it was about time to retire back up to his room.

You forced him to stay downstairs a little bit longer so that you could say hi to all the other Alpha Mu boys and check in on Yeongtae who was fawning over a mostly unimpressed Chaeryeong like a puppy. You watched as Jeonghan changed out of his party clothes, looking to be a bit tired.

“Jiheon and Kibum were nice,” you said softly. He hummed his agreeance. “A history major and a linguistics major,” you pressed lightly. “Who all know a public relations major… Does that mean that I can take all of those out of consideration for your major?”

You laughed, and Jeonghan gave you an amused expression.

“Is that what you were thinking that whole time? While I was begging for your closeness. Desperate for your attention, you were worried about figuring out what my major is?”

Your face reddened just slightly.

“I should know these things about you,” you mumbled.

“You’ll figure it out,” Jeonghan said, again writing off your concerns. “Stop worrying so much.”

He rummaged through his things in his closet.

“I bought something for you actually,” he said. You sat so that your legs were swinging off of Jeonghan’s bed.

“Yeah?” You sort of hated when Jeonghan spoiled you. And you were going to say that, but your words died on your tongue when you saw exactly what Jeonghan was spoiling you with. A long strand of pink satin ribbon. You immediately pressed your lips together and tightened your legs.

You two were silent for a moment before you, without any real prompting said a soft I know my safe word. Jeonghan laughed.

“Satin ribbon isn’t really that good for bondage,” he said. He played with the material in his hands a little bit and after a few seconds of silence he raised an eyebrow at you. “Are you just going to sit there with your clothes on? Or are you going to be good and-”

You didn’t even let Jeonghan finish that before you were undressing and once you were naked and sitting on Jeonghan’s bed again he was talking.

“The satin will tighten and there can be some slippage if you struggle…” He trailed off as he approached you, running his hands lightly down your bare arms before resting on your wrists. He tugged you a bit so that your hands were in front of you on your lap and you stared at his face as he messed with the silk ribbon, tightening it around your wrists. “But I won’t have to worry about that with you, will I? Cause you’re so good for me?”

As he spoke, he leaned towards you, his warm breath teasing your lips. You felt your lip’s part a little in anticipation of a kiss but you fought it in you to close the distance between you two. You had a feeling that today you had a specific goal… Self-control.

Jeonghan’s hands slid down your body to your sides and he lightly ran his fingers up and down them. You whined, under the touch, but bite down on your bottom lip to try to keep the noise from coming out.

You could see the approval in Jeonghan’s eyes. He pulled away from you, and agonizingly slowly began to undress himself. You watched him eagerly. You were itching to touch him, but even if you wanted to you couldn’t.

You felt yourself tugging subconsciously at the restraints on your wrists, and just as Jeonghan said the satin got tighter. Jeonghan’s lips quirked upwards as he watched you. He dropped his last piece of clothing to the side and walked up to you, roughly gripping you by your hips and pulling you close to him. He smiled at you, placing a soft kiss to your lips as he stared at you.

“Do you like this so far?” He asked you. “You’re so completely helpless to me. Normally if you wanted to you could get away from me but I’ve got you all tied up now… You can’t do anything but let me use you.”

That statement sent warmth through your body, and a whine involuntarily escaped your lips.

“Oh, that’s what you like about this isn’t it?”

He pushed you back against his bed hard and sank down to his knees.

“You like being helpless to me,” he murmured, and his breath ghosted your clit. You openly whined again, not afraid to let your desperation show in a small wiggle of your hips. That earned you a sharp slap to your, thigh.

“Be. Good,” Jeonghan said sternly. He dipped forward again, his mouth pressing a small kiss to your clit. It made your whole body shiver, and you were expecting him to do something more but all he did was blow lightly on your clit.

“All mine to play with,” he said softly. “Do you think you could ever dom me, y/n?”

You were quiet for a little while, trying to figure out how to answer. He slapped your pussy and your whole body jumped.

“I-I don’t know,” you blurted out.

“The correct answer was that no. You couldn’t because you need me to tell you exactly what you want. You’re such a brainless slut that you can’t even think for yourself.”

Before you could confirm or negate his words (you weren’t sure which one you were supposed to do… God, he was right) Jeonghan had dove forward and began to suck at your clit.

You were already wet, soaked, dripping all over Jeonghan’s face. You could tell by the way he dipped his head lower, his tongue lewdly dipping inside of you, while one of his hands stretched your pussy lips out for him and his other hand pressed your pelvis down into the bed so that you couldn’t move.

You couldn’t help it, your upper body wiggled, and your arms thrashed a little, tugging at your restraints that only tightened as you moved your hands.

“God, you taste so fucking good,” Jeonghan mumbled in-between eating you out. He rested his cheek on your inner thigh as he peered up at you, pressing two fingers into you with ease. You mewled, still wiggling, desperate to be able to touch something but being completely unable to.

“This is entertaining,” Jeonghan commented, watching as your body twitched when he pressed his thumb to your clit. “Watching you so desperate to act up but being physically unable to.”

He groaned, turning his face into your thigh.

“And I’m so luckily… The only one who gets to be down here.”

He suddenly bit into your thigh, sucking a hickey into your skin there.

There were tears already running down your cheeks, but there was nothing you could do about them with your arms restrained.

Jeonghan pressed a soft kiss to the spot that he had left a mark on and pressed a third finger into you. He scissored the three fingers in and out of you.

“Always need to stretch you out a little before fucking you,” he replied. “Your poor little pussy can barely handle my cock.”

Jeonghan spit at your pussy and then slapped it hard, making your whole body jolt again. He got back up to his feet and grabbed you roughly by your wrists, tugging you across the bed so that your head was hanging off the side of it.

“But, let me get my dick wet before I break my pretty little toy.”

He shifted your tied up hands so that your fingers were by his thigh.

“Keep your hand there so you can tell me if you need me to stop,” he instructed. You barely got a: “yes sir” out before Jeonghan had plunged his cock down your throat. At first your jaw wasn’t wide enough, and you knew that because Jeonghan pulled his cock out of your mouth, slapped you hard and said: “Open up.” Before plunging his cock right back down into it.

You could feel his eyes on you as he pummeled his cock in and out of your mouth like it was your pussy. Groaning with every couching fit that he invoked but never stopping despite the coughs. He lowered one of his hands to your hair, and he tightly gripped the roots.

“Keep fucking moving…” He mumbled, threateningly, and then after going back to fucking your mouth he slapped at your breasts. You cried out at each hit, but the sound fell on mute ears as it was mostly muffled by Jeonghan’s cock down your throat.

Having him fuck your mouth at this angle was different for both of you. You felt like you could feel his cock stretching out your throat much more than you usually could when he fucked it. You were focusing hard on keeping your teeth off of his length.

And you could tell that he liked this angle better thanks to his small escapes of: “God your throat is so fucking tight.”

He fucked your mouth roughly just like that for only a few minutes before he, with no warning at all came down your throat. He pushed himself as far into you as he could, his balls resting against your forehead as his cock twitched the best it could inside of you.

He pulled his cock out of you before he was completely done, as always finding pleasure in the way you coughed up some of his cum, and the way that you twitched as he let the rest of his cum paint your face.

This time however he grabbed you by our cheeks, his fingers digging into them, forcing your mouth open. He leaned over and let a huge glob of spit drop into your mouth. He released your mouth, and you went to swallow it but before you could he was slapping you, and the spit was on your cheek.

He tutted in amusement.

“Stupid whore. So desperate to do good even though I never let you,” he murmured, the false sympathy sending warmth through your body.

“Wa-Wanna b-”

Before you could say anything more Jeonghan was dragging you off of his bed. You scrambled to keep yourself steady, as he dropped your back against his carpet. He kicked your thighs apart, and watched you wiggle on the ground, trying to get in the position he wanted you to be in. He hummed.

“You know what. Get up and crawl.”

Your eyes widened at the request… The order really but you instantly began to scramble and try to do what he wanted.

It was a struggle, but you were finally able to get on all fours like he wanted- Albeit not being very steady. Once you were up you looked up at Jeonghan, with your messy face and wide eyes and he reached behind you to slap your ass so hard that you fell on your face.

He laughed, a sadistic laugh that was so humiliating that it just made your pussy drip down your thighs. You finally got yourself back up and when you looked up at him, Jeonghan was right in front of you. His fingers ghosted just under your chin, and he smiled sweetly at you.

“Alright then. Crawl for me.”

He took a step back and tauntingly coaxed you forward, patting his knees lightly like you were a literal dog. You struggled forward, and every time you got close to him he was taking another step back.

“Go on then, you‘re walking like a bitch. Talk to me like one.”

Confusion riddled your body, and the hesitation it caused earned you a hard slap.

“I said, talk like a bitch.”

It was like a lightbulb went off in your head.

“Bark,” you said, your voice a little high. Jeonghan hummed, unamused.

“Bark like a bitch,” he reasserted. You barked again, and this time it must have been better because Jeonghan grabbed you by your hair and dragged you forward. He squished your mouth open again and forced his cock down your throat again.

You were so turned on now, it hurt, and you couldn’t help that even though the tears had stopped before they were rolling down your cheeks again. Jeonghan rolled his eyes at the display.

“You’re so fucking pathetic he mumbled.

He pulled you off of his cock again and you coughed for air and fought to steady yourself.

“Present yourself,” Jeonghan said.

You hesitated, looking up at him again with confused eyes.

“What is up with your hesitation?” He demanded. He grabbed you by your hair long enough to force your face into the carpet, and slapped your thighs so that your ass was higher in the air.

“Walk like a bitch, bark like a bitch, you’re going to take dick like a bitch.”

His fingers dipped between your folds, and you heard him tutting condescendingly.

“And your pussy is dripping… You’re a bitch in heat too huh?”

He didn’t wait for an answer. Instead, he pressed his hand to the back of your neck, your arms stretched out in front of you and still tied together- the restraints only having gotten tighter since you two had started since you just couldn’t stop struggling.

“I guess I’ll just have to breed you like a bitch in heat too.”

Jeonghan didn’t bother easing his cock into you. He pushed himself into you in one swift thrust. You screamed into the carpet but that didn’t make Jeonghan very happy.

“Bitches don’t scream,” he murmured. “Bitches bark.”

Tears soaked the carpet in front of you, but you barked weakly in response to his words. Jeonghan then begun to relentlessly fuck you.

He didn’t seem to care about your own pleasure, which made you, of course, even more turned on.

He fucked you so hard that if it hadn’t been for the way he was pressing you into the carpet you would be sliding around like crazy. Your hands couldn’t help but thrash against each other, trying so hard to grab at anything but being completely unable to.

Jeonghan’s first orgasm came suddenly, and he didn’t even hesitate as he fucked his cum hard into you. It dragged an orgasm out of you that you didn’t get punished for. In fact, he didn’t even acknowledge it. Instead, he just fucked you through it, ignoring the way that your body was shaking and convulsing under him.

Instead of speaking you tried to let out weak barks in between your moans, to show him that you weren’t completely mindless but when your second orgasm dragged a second orgasm from him, the barks just became combined with broken sobs of pleasure, and they really were mindless.

Another orgasm wracked through your body, and you were just vaguely aware of Jeonghan saying: “Such a good little bitch, getting full of my cum.” As he came inside of you one more time.

Your whole body was shaking when he came to a full stop inside of you. He wrapped his arm around your waist so that you could fall limp under him.

“Do you feel that?” Jeonghan asked you slightly. “Do you feel all that cum that your dirty cunt is letting drip out of you.”

He shook his head- You could feel it- and sighed. “Your body still isn’t trained enough for this. You’re still not a perfectly good girl, are you?”

You let out a sob, and pushed yourself up on your elbows, looking back at Jeonghan over your shoulder.

“N-No I’m g-good, s-so good,” you blurted out. “I-I took all your cum. I’ll try to keep it in.”

“But you’re not a good girl,” Jeonghan reminded you. He pulled his cock out of you, and you instinctively pushed your ass up, trying to prevent his cum from dripping from you but despite your efforts you could feel all three of his loads gushing out of you.

You cried a little into the carpet, but it felt so good, that you almost didn’t care. Jeonghan let you sit like that for only a few seconds before he was kneeling in front of you. He pressed his lips to your pussy and began to lap at it, eating his own cum out of you until it genuinely felt like he had cleaned all of it out of you.

You felt him turning you around so that he leaned you up, pressing your back against the bed. He got on your lap, his limp cock brushing your hand. He ducked his head a little and began to kiss you, letting you taste the combination of your cum and his on his tongue.

As he kissed you, he lowered his hands to your wrists, and slowly, carefully began to undo your restraints.

It was a bit of a struggle, but Jeonghan was able to undo the satin pretty quickly. He loosely wrapped it around your neck, using the ends to keep your face close to his. He kissed you until you were even. Breathing even, body not shaking, his fingers rubbing soothing circles into the spots that the satin had pressed too hard into your skin. He broke the kiss, letting the satin fall over your chest.

“Does it hurt?” he asked you softly. He raised one of your wrists to his mouth so that he could press soft kisses over the marks. You decided to be honest.

“A little,” you mumbled. “But it was worth it.”

“Yeah?”

He raised his eyes back up to yours, looking into them to see if he could detect anything in them that suggested you were lying. “Did I do anything you didn’t like?”

He asked you softly. You shook your head. Sure, your face and your wrists and your ass all burned, and your jaw was sore from how hard he had been fucking your mouth, and you could still feel his spit on your cheek mixed with his cum and your tears, but you felt so satisfied. So proud of yourself for being able to keep up.

“I liked all of it,” you murmured, and as you admitted it your voice dropped a little and so did your eyes. Jeonghan lightly raised your chin up so that you were looking at him again.

“You’re so silly,” he admonished lightly. “Nothing to be shy about. You did so good for me. Do you know that? You’re always such a good girl for me.”

Your eyes involuntarily teared up a little at that, and a few stray tears ran down your cheeks.

“I’m good for you,” you repeated like a whisper. Jeonghan nodded and kissed away your tears.

“You are always good for me,” he reassured. “And I love you, you know that?”

You nodded, keeping his gaze.

“What do you think?” He asked softly. “A bath or a shower?”

You groaned and dropped your head onto his shoulder.

“I hate you,” you mumbled, and it made him laugh.

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” he said softly. “We’ll get you nice and clean yeah? And you wanted to watch that show with me, didn’t you?”

Your eyebrows furrowed and you peeked up at him suspiciously.

“We get to watch a show?” You asked, surprised by how… Childish it sounded coming out of your mouth. Jeonghan nodded his confirmation.

“Of course,” he assured softly. “And I can go get us some food too. Mingyu made soup the other day.”

You frowned at him.

“Can you….” Your face was starting to burn again. “Take the bath with me.”

Jeonghan laughed softly and he nodded.

“Of course, I can, baby.”

He pressed a small kiss to your lips.

“You’re so good for me.”

After a warm and thorough bath, Jeonghan did as he promised, retrieving some of the best soup that you had ever had before, and settling next to you in his bed so that you two could watch the show you’d been wanting to watch with him for weeks.

You fell asleep partway through the second episode, with your head on his chest.

-

You dipped into the fridge as per Jeonghan’s request trying to locate the banana milk in question.

“You shouldn’t enable his banana milk addiction,” Minghao warned. You glanced back at him. “You know he’s lactose intolerant right?”

Your eyes widened and you turned to Jeonghan who had fixed Minghao under a death glare, when he looked at you however his angry expression disappeared as if it had never been there in the first place.

“I’m not lactose intolerant,” he said with a laugh. “Come on, who would you believe? Minghao or me?”

You pointed at Minghao without a second thought.

“Minghao,” you replied pointedly. To his credit he did look offended. A pout crossed his lips.

“This relationship is built on a foundation of trust-” You raised your eyebrows towards him, and he closed his mouth. “I’m not that lactose intolerant.”

You rolled your eyes but turned back into the fridge, grabbing two of the small cartons of the banana milk. You walked back over to the table and set one of the cartons in front of him. He smiled brightly, and reached up towards you, pulling you down to him by the back of your neck.

He pressed a kiss to your lips.

“See? This is why I love you,” he said softly. “You do whatever I want you to.”

You smiled against his lips, but you pulled away anyways, trying to hide it.

“So, you like me because I’m complacent?” You asked him. Jeonghan’s grip on you loosened and you sat back down next to him, your shoulder brushing against his.

“I do,” Jeonghan agreed. “I thought you knew that?”

“Just wondered if you would admit it in front of Minghao.”

“We all know why Jeonghan likes you and it isn’t because you’re complacent,” Minghao mumbled, and despite the expression on his face there was a twinge of amusement in the tone of his voice.

“Everyone knows why Jeonghan likes me…?” You repeated. You glanced at Jeonghan, who looked like he was tuning the both of you out. He had the small bendy straw of his milk in his mouth. “I doubt that.”

“He talks about you more than you think,” Minghao replied.

“You’re being annoying Minghao, she knows how much I like her.”

You did know, and honestly the expression on Jeonghan’s face was cute. Eyebrows furrowed in frustration, his fingers clutching the cartoon he was holding a bit too tight. Minghao rolled his eyes at Jeonghan.

“Fine, I’ll leave you two alone.”

Jeonghan didn’t say anything, his eyes stayed stuck on a spot on the table.

“Bye Minghao,” you said. He hummed as he slipped out of the room, leaving you two alone. You and Jeonghan sat for a few seconds in silence before you finally scooted towards him. You raised a hand to his face, his cheek so smooth under your touch.

“Jeonghan,” you coaxed softly, your thumb running over his cheek bone.

He hummed, keeping his eyes away from you, ignoring you. You sighed.

“Jeonghan,” you repeated. His eyes flickered to you so briefly before looking away again. “Jeonghan, why are you upset?”

“I’m not upset love,” he said, but you could tell that wasn’t true. You pouted just a bit.

“Yes, you are,” you pressed. You pressed at his face, trying to get him to look at you more insistently. He did, giving you a pressed smile.

“Why would I be upset?” He asked. Your gaze sharpened. He sighed. “He talks about you more than you think.”

Your eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“What?”

“More than you think,” Jeonghan repeated. “As if I don’t say it. The implication that you don’t know that I like you.”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that,” you said softly. He sighed, again, looking away from you.

“They all think like that. Because I have always been so emotionally repressed they think that Yoon Jeonghan doesn’t know how to share affection.”

“You’re really good at showing affection,” you said, and you were being completely honest. “Well… After that whole lying about fucking others fiasco.”

Jeonghan gave you a distraught look.

“Okay, I’m kind of bad at showing affection, but you know that I love you.”

You nodded your confirmation.

“I know that you love me.”

He sighed and turned to look at you more straight on. He raised his hands to cup your face in the way that he liked to so much. His thumbs brushed over your cheekbones, and his eyes trailed over your features. Your cheeks reddened at the attention but you stayed silent regardless, letting him look at you.

You would never understand why but… It always comforted him.

After a few minutes he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to your lips. Not deepening it. Making it very chaste, smile against your lips as he did it.

“I never doubt that you love me,” you mumbled. Jeonghan pulled back, giving you a slightly skeptical look. “I don’t doubt it. I just… Don’t always understand it.”

Jeonghan hummed, and pulled away from you, glancing at his phone on the counter.

“I have a class to get to,” he said with a sigh. “Where do you want a ride to?”

“I want to get some walking in,” you replied. “I’ll see you on…” You trailed off. “Well. Soon?”

Jeonghan paused, frowning.

“…Soon?” He asked. You frowned back at him.

“I’m busy. I can’t keep spending every day with you.”

Now it was Jeonghan’s turn to look distraught.

“You’re leaving me?”

You rolled your eyes.

“Shut up,” you mumbled. “I just need a few days to study and things.”

“You can study with me.”

“Don’t you respect my space?” You asked him. He rolled his eyes. You both knew the answer to that.

Not really.

“I’ll see you on Friday.”

“Friday?” Jeonghan blurted. You rolled your eyes and stood up, leaning down to press a small kiss to Jeonghan’s forehead, mirroring what he would normally do with you.

“Distance makes the heart grow fonder you know?”

You knew that Jeonghan didn’t believe that. That he was very quality time.

But you needed to study a bit more, so you were going to have to focus on that. And you were a lot less distracted when you were studying without Jeonghan around.

-

Your attention to your homework was dragged away by the distinct sound of Jeonghan’s voice. Your eyebrows furrowed a bit as you looked across the library, seeing Jeonghan standing a few tables away with a backpack hanging off one of his shoulders. A smile flickered across your lips- Unwarranted- But it died when you realized who he was saying hi to.

It was some girl- Why was it always some girl?- And you could hear a giggle echo from her lips across the library. She was in an ungodly short skirt, with a tight crop top on and she looked so hot. It wasn’t fair.

You couldn’t hear their conversation, but you could see that Jeonghan was actually interested in it. Maybe he pretended not to be interested in conversations for your sake when he knew that you were there. He had a small smile on his lips talking to her. A cute smile. He looked so cute. She looked so happy. Stupid smile on both of their lips.

As Jeonghan spoke, he turned his head slightly, his hair brushing over his shoulder. You thought for a moment he was going to see you but just before his eyes fell on you, they darted back to the girl.

“Y/n, what are you looking at?”

You ripped your eyes away from Jeonghan. Briefly, in order to look at Yeongtae.

“My boyfriend,” you mumbled. You only added the next part because it was Yeongtae and he knew you didn’t mean it. “And his hot new girlfriend.”

Yeongtae glanced over his shoulder, following your eye line and sighed.

“Are you kidding me?” He asked bluntly. “Didn’t you ditch him today?”

You felt something uncomfortable brewing in your stomach and you knew you needed to look away.

“I didn’t ditch him,” you mumbled. “I just don’t get that much work done around him! It’s just a few days.”

“You ditched him,” Yeongtae repeated. “And now you’re jealous.” He waved his pencil through the air. “Toxic, toxic, toxic.”

You kicked Yeongtae from under the table, causing him to curse.

“You’re gonna fall another quiz if you keep acting like that.”

That shut Yeongtae up and allowed you to keep your eyes on Jeonghan.

You rubbed the balls of your feet against the floor, finally deciding that you couldn’t just watch him talk to her anymore but you obviously also couldn’t not watch. You pulled out your phone and typed out a quick text message: Studying is so uneventful.

You sent it before you could think over it too much.

You didn’t care if it wasn’t characteristic of you to say. You didn’t have the energy to think about something that felt more natural.

You watched Jeonghan immediately shift his body, attention still on the girl in front of him. He pulled his phone from his pocket, glancing at the screen for just a second. He gave the girl a serious look, one that you couldn’t really pinpoint the emotion of.

“One second, it’s my girlfriend.”

The acknowledgment of your existence was enough to have you breathing easy again, but the feeling of ease was ripped away from you when your phone started to vibrate in your hands. Your eyes widened and you immediately answered the phone, dropping your voice as much as you could so that Jeonghan wouldn’t be able to hear.

“Hey,” you said. “What- I can’t really talk right now, I’m-”

“You feel better now?” As Jeonghan spoke his head turned, his eyes falling to you. He had a large playful smile on his lips as the two of you made eye contact, making your face darken in embarrassment.

“I-”

Jeonghan’s laugh was so genuine. He dropped one of his hands to cover the microphone of the phone as if it would make you unable to hear him.

“That’s my girlfriend over there,” he clarified. His eyes only flickered away from you for a moment. He dropped his phone to his side saying a: “I’ll see you in class tomorrow.”

Before making his way over to you. You could hear the shuffling of his shirt against his phone as he walked over to you, and you held it to your face as if that would make this less humiliating. You looked down at your homework, your lips pressing together but you were only looking like that for a few moments before Jeonghan’s hand was on your chin and he was turning your face to his. He still had such a bright smile on his face.

“Did you think I didn’t know you were there?” He asked you lightly. “You are the very first thing I notice when I walk into a room.”

He willed your lips closer to his and then, before he could kiss you he pulled away from you completely, his hand dragging lightly along your back as he dragged the chair out next to you and took a seat beside you.

“Yeongtae,” he greeted.

“Hi,” Yeongtae said back. You buried your face in your hands, peeking out at Yeongtae between the spaces of your fingers. He gave you a very brief panicked look and then dropped his eyes back down to his own homework. You sighed, and turned your head to face Jeonghan who was looking down at the laptop that he had brought out of his backpack.

“You have class with her?” You asked him. You knew how it sounded but you really didn’t mean it that way. You were prying for the sake of more information about him, not for information about her. Jeonghan hummed.

“Yeah.”

He fell silent, making frustration bubble into your throat.

“What class?” You prodded.

“An ISS course, People and the Environment,” Jeonghan replied, and the ambiguity of it was driving you even crazier. People and the Environment? What did someone even learn in a class like that? ISS courses were required in basically every single major at the university. It didn’t narrow down anything at all.

“I guess it’s just one course huh,” you continued pressing. “Probably just met her.”

“No, we’ve had classes together every year,” Jeonghan negated. “We’re applying for the same internship this summer.”

Internship? Classes every year?

You could feel the jealousy building impossibly harder at the thoughts and it wasn’t even because Jeonghan was with that girl it was because she knew more about him than you did. Thoughts of them sitting next to each other in classes flooded your head. The unspoken bond that was surely between the two of them was something that you would never achieve with him yourself.

Yeah, Jeonghan loved you and you were dating him, but this girl knew him. And you didn’t.

“You’re applying for an internship this summer?” You asked softly. Jeonghan nodded again and he turned to you.

“I am,” he agreed. “But I’ll still be in town, you don’t have to worry about missing me.”

He was teasing you. Teasing you and it was about something that you weren’t even worried about.

“What’s the internship for?” You pressed but, Jeonghan’s smile only grew.

“Now, now, are you cheating?” He chided. “You’re trying to get my major out of me. You’ve just got to let these things happen.”

“But-” Before you could get anything out, Jeonghan’s hand was being pressed distractingly to your face.

“Let it happen naturally,” he murmured, ignoring your spluttering protests. You heard Yeongtae let out a snicker.

“It is natural,” you insisted. “You would just… Tell me what your internship is going to be, and I would figure out your major… Naturally.”

Jeonghan leaned close to you, his thumb flickering over your bottom lip.

“It will come naturally,” he assured you softly. His thumb slipped under your chin and he coaxed your face closer to his. Once his lips were close enough to yours, he gave you a chaste kiss, pulling back before he could give you anything of real substance. “Just as natural as I get to kiss you.”

Jeonghan smiled at you and gestured at your homework.

“Shouldn’t you get back to work? I didn’t come here to distract you.”

That brought up a whole different question: “Why did you come here?”

“Because you were here,” Jeonghan replied as if it were obvious. His gaze flickered back to yours, recognizing your confusion and he gestured off-handedly back at Yeongtae. “Yeongtae told me that you two were studying here.”

Your confusion only grew.

“When did you and Yeongtae start talking?” You asked. Jeonghan turned his attention back to his own work, his hand falling on your thigh as he scooted his chair closer to you.

“We just did. Sometime after you and I got together.”

You shot Yeongtae a half-glare and as soon as he caught sight of it his eyes were widening and he was zoning back into his work.

“I’m glad you two are getting along,” you said, turning back to face Jeonghan. He still wasn’t looking at you, but his thumb dragged a small circle into your thigh to prove that he was listening. “But it feels a bit like you’re plotting against me.”

Both boys ignored you. You sighed.

Fine.

You turned your attention back to your own work. Just the outline of a presentation you would have to do soon. You tapped your pencil in irritation against the table, your thoughts unable to turn away from your boyfriend next to you.

You pulled your laptop out, beginning to boot it up, and as you waited for it to let you log on you glanced over at Jeonghan. He seemed to be reading something, and he was scary focused. So focused that he didn’t even notice that you were staring.

A thought shot through your head, that if you looked at whatever paper Jeonghan was reading maybe you would be able to figure out what he was reading. And maybe that would give you some kind of indication as to what he was studying.

You pressed your lips together and turned your attention to his computer, trying to make it seem like you were still just watching your own. You tried to pick out the words on his screen but you couldn’t see. You tried to look better but just as you did Jeonghan was squeezing your side, and turning his computer screen.

“Stop reading my homework,” he chided. You groaned, your head falling onto Jeonghan’s shoulder.

“Jeonghan please just tell me what your major is,” you begged softly. “I’m never just going to figure it out, I’m not a figure it out kind of person I’m a you tell me and I remember it kind of person.”

“You’ve got to learn to be patient,” he chided you softly. “You’ll figure it out at some point.”

You didn’t move from where you were sitting a surely pouting at Jeonghan but all he did was swipe his thumb across your chin, press a small kiss to your lips, and smile at you.

“Get back to studying.”

-

“Alright, alright,” Yeongtae pressed as you two watched Jeonghan’s car disappear around the corner. “Let it out.”

“Let what out?” You asked him, shrugging your bag further up on your shoulder.

“It,” Yeongtae encouraged. You considered pretending that you didn’t know what he was talking about, but after only a few seconds you decided that you didn’t want to.

“I don’t know anything about him,” you blurted frustratedly. “Like, anything about him… At all.”

“That’s not true,” Yeongtae denied but you ignored him, waving your hands in the air wildly.

“I don’t know his major. I didn’t know he was lactose intolerant. I-”

“What are you expecting?” Yeongtae interrupted, even though he had been then one telling you to just let it out. “That you would just know everything about him?”

You pressed your lips together in frustration.

“Well-”

“You don’t just magically learn things about people,” Yeongtae mumbled. Your annoyance only built inside of you.

“Obviously I know that Yeongtae,” you replied. “It’s just… Why does everyone else know so much more about him then me?”

“Because they’ve known him longer,” Yeongtae pointed out.

“Not even just… That girl from his class, or the boys of Alpha Mu,” you argued back. “Ask anyone something random about him and I bet that they could name more than me.”

“Well…” Yeongtae sighed and rolled his eyes. “I mean… Yeah. He’s Yoon Jeonghan.”

Another starking reminder of the thing that you always forgot. There were a lot of people who were interested in Jeonghan. Not even just Jeonghan but all the boys of Alpha Mu. Especially now that you were really welcome over there all the time… It was easy to forget that Jeonghan wasn’t just Jeonghan.

He was Yoon Jeonghan.

You had tried to tell him that that was something that bothered you and even so in such a short amount of time you had forgotten.

You fell back against your chair, shoving the back of your head into the headrest.

“Yoon Jeonghan. I’m dating Yoon Jeonghan.”

-

You stood in front of Jeonghan’s class nervously, your fingers toying with the strands of your backpack.

This was humiliating. Really.

First, texting Seungcheol ahead of time to ask him what Jeonghan’s schedule was…. The: what could you possibly want that for? ㅋㅋ, made you want to scream into your pillow.

… You did in fact scream into your pillow over it.

But this too? You weren’t this kind of person. You didn’t go behind people’s backs and figure out their schedules. You didn’t surprise people out of the blue. You weren’t the person who did these things in relationships.

The door to the classroom popped open and students began to pour out of the classroom. You sucked in a deep breath, your head dipping slightly to try and avoid garnering too much attention to yourself. You realized quickly however that just seeing shoes wasn’t going to be super helpful in getting Jeonghan’s attention. You let your eyes trail back up and you noticed as Jeonghan slipped outside of the classroom. He was next to someone you didn’t recognize. A girl… Long hair. Not the same girl from the library.

You felt your fingernail pressing into the pad of your thumb, you were so nervous. You shouldn’t have just showed up. You should have texted him. You thought about just walking away but you shook it out of your head.

“Jeonghan,” you called, but it was so quiet. You could barely hear yourself. You cleared your throat. “Jeonghan.”

He was talking to the girl. He still didn’t seem able to hear you over his classmates. You sucked in a sharp breath and then, pulling on your backpack straps, you walked towards Jeonghan and his classmate.

You couldn’t hear what they were talking about… Unfortunate. Maybe it would give you a clue on what his major was.

“… but when he mentioned the problem on page 83 tha-”

“Y/n?” Jeonghan interrupted the conversation, his lips quirking up into a smile. You stopped walking, a smile flickering across your face as well as he changed the direction, he was walking so that he could come straight over to you. You lifted your head up a little as he came close to you so that it would be easy for him to press a small kiss to your lips- Which he did- and once he had pulled back, he was smiling even harder.

“What are you doing here?” He asked you, seeming to have completely forgotten about his classmate who… Just looked a little confused to see you there.

“I thought we could get lunch,” you replied slowly. Jeonghan gave you a small quirk of the eyebrow. You just glanced past him towards the door he had come out of. “What class are you coming from?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Jeonghan replied lightly. “Is that why you’re really here? Trying to figure out what class I’m coming from?”

Your mouth gaped a little bit at the accusation, but it wasn’t completely untrue. You could have just texted him and met him at the school cafeteria or something. Your reaction was answer enough. He nodded and turned back over to the classmate he was with.

“I’ll catch you later,” he told her. “My girlfriend is going to take me to lunch.”

Your face flushed red a little as Jeonghan gestured for you to lead the way. You could feel a lot of eyes on you, and it made you swallow hard in embarrassment. Jeonghan smiled a little when he noticed your embarrassment. He walked up next to you, his shoulder brushing yours.

“Would you like it better if I held your hand?” He asked you teasingly.

You gave him an annoyed expression.

“Is that you projecting?” You asked him lightly. “Do you want to hold my hand?”

“There’s a lot of things that I want to do with you,” he replied, his voice dropping a little to a tone that you very much recognized. Your face flushed a little more but before you could respond, Jeonghan’s hand was finding yours. You thought it would be awkward, especially considering you weren’t expecting it, but Jeonghan’s hand slid easily into your hand.

Once your fingers intertwined, Jeonghan gave you a small squeeze and then swung your hands forward in a playful way.

“You know everyone is going to look at us and think-”

“Who is that girl with Jeonghan? He’s really playing the long con with her,” you offered up. He rolled his eyes.

“They’re going to understand the rumors about me dating someone,” he replied lightly. He tugged you closer to him, and bumped your shoulders. “You’re so beautiful… And perfect.”

You huffed softly, and looked away from him at the students you two were walking past. Surely enough they were looking at the two of you, whispering to one another. It made you want to rip your hand away from Jeonghan. All you could think about was all these people looking at you and Jeonghan. You almost forgot in a weird way that he was even there.

Suddenly, you felt your arm being pulled and you stumbled a little to a stop, turning over your shoulder to find that Jeonghan was pouting at you. Your thoughts of other people melted away, and confusion riddled across your face.

“What’s wrong?” You asked him. Your thoughts raced. “What did I do?”

“You’re thinking about everyone else so much you’re not thinking about me,” Jeonghan replied factually, even though, how could he know that? You frowned at him slightly, holding the space between you two for a little bit. Then when he didn’t budge you closed the distance between the two of you, giving him an apologetic expression.

“I’m just-”

Before you could respond Jeonghan was raising his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you closer to him so that he could drag you into a deep kiss. You wanted to be self-conscious in it, but it was hard to when Jeonghan’s thumb was rubbing small circles into the back of your neck.

When Jeonghan pulled away, his pout was gone, replaced by a smile and you knew he had gotten what he wanted.

“Don’t think about all these other people,” he said softly. “Think about me.”

You pressed your lips together because… If you didn’t you thought, you would try to kiss him again and nodded. Jeonghan stared at you for a few moments as if trying to decipher how you were feeling now but didn’t seem to find anything that bothered him.

He didn’t have to say it for you to hear him loud and clear: I love you.

You gave him a small smile.

“What do you want for lunch?”

-

Class had been frustrating so when you get out of class and saw that Jeonghan was leaning against the hallway wall, talking to some girl that you had never seen before. You didn’t even really care. You walked over to them, and smiled brightly at Jeonghan your boyfriend.

“You came to see me after class?” You asked him, the excitement in your voice undeniable. Jeonghan smiled and nodded.

“Yeongtae told me that you two weren’t studying today so I thought that we could spend some time together,” he replied. He took you by your wrists and pulled you close to him so that your chest pressed into his. He leaned forward a bit so that he could give you a chaste kiss to your lips. His thumbs rubbed your wrists comfortingly.

You thought in the back of your head that he should warn you before he just showed up at your class. After all, unlike Yeongtae you did have other friends but in this very moment, you didn’t care, you were more than happy to bid good bye to the girl he was talking to. No question on who it was and you were happy to walking with Jeonghan to his car.

And yet, you were only in his car for a few moments before Jeonghan felt the need to start to toy with you.

Jeonghan’s hand dipped beneath the waist band of your pants, his index finger finding your clit with ease. He toyed with it for a few moments.

“What’s your safe word?”

You blurted it, only then realizing that you had been very insistently holding your breath. Once Jeonghan heard your safe word his hand was sliding further down into your pants, his fingers meeting dampness.

A smile click of Jeonghan’s tongue both fulled you with embarrassment at having already been wet and pride. You knew that the feeling thrilled him even when he talked down to you for it.

“You’re such a little whore,” he mumbled softly. Before you could respond his fingers dipped inside of you, and your whole body arched into his chest. Your hand shot up and you grabbed hold of the handle on the ceiling, as your legs immediately spread for him.

“Are you really this shameless?” He asked you. “You’d let me fuck you anywhere wouldn’t you? In front of anyone?”

You whined in response, and it wasn’t a response, but Jeonghan didn’t really care.

“I need you to remind me again that you know your safe word,” Jeonghan said softly. His fingers didn’t still inside of you, but his tone confused you a bit. He never asked for souble confirmation that you knew your safe word. You frowned a bit but repeated your safe word.

“Okay,” he murmured. “I want you to unbuckle your seat belt and get my cock out. Licks. Not sucking. It’s the only time I’ll ever allow you to edge me.”

You nodded, and started to do as he wanted before he was even done. You two were now just driving very slowly down a small road towards your apartment. Sure there were some cars passing by and a few people on the side walk but you might as well have been sight seeing with the speed at which he was going. A car crash was the last thing that you were worried about.

“And I want you to pull your pants down to your knees and stick your ass in the air so that everyone can see while I finger your pretty pussy.”

You understood why he had wanted to make sure you really knew your safe word. You hesitated, your fingers wrapped around the base of his cock.

You weren’t that much of an exhibitionist… At least you hadn’t been before you started fucking Jeonghan. You thought to your other moments… Calling Yeongtae… Letting him fuck you in the store bathroom… Letting him fuck you against the window at the library.

With your ass in the air, and your mouth on his cock, it wasn’t like anyone would be able to see your face anyways.

Without much more thought you were finishing doing what he asked, pulling your pants down to your knees and pressing your lips to Jeonghan’s cock.

“Oh you really are such a slut,” Jeonghan murmured, but the praise in his voice was undeniable. “You’re so desperate to please that you really will do anything for me.”

Instead of responding you began to tentatively lick at Jeonghan’s slowly hardening cock. As you did that Jeonghan’s hand made it’s way over to your pussy, which was now dripping wetness down your thighs.

“You really like this don’t you?” Jeonghan observed, his fingers gathering the wetness. He then slathered his cock in your wetness so that you could see just how much there was. Your face flushed red but you went back to lapping at his cock, now able to taste your salty wetness as well.

Jeonghan’s fingers returned to your pussy, and this time he just plunged two of his fingers into your pussy. You whined, your fingers tightening around Jeonghan’s cock, as your head dipped forward a bit, small pants leaving your lips.

“I wish you could see how jealous everyone looks,” he commented lightly. “They’re all so jealous watching as I finger your pretty pussy. I know they wish that their fingers were buried inside of you instead of mine.”

Your face burned at the thought as Jeonghan’s car slowed to a stop. You glanced up and noticed that there was a stop light.

“I’m going to roll down the window so that everyone can hear you,” Jeonghan warned, waiting a few seconds for a protest. You gave none. You heard the distinct sound of Jeonghan’s window rolling down, and it was like you could feel eyes on you as Jeonghan began to curl his fingers inside of you to that spot that he knew drove you crazy.

“F-Fuck.”

You knew without having to be told that Jeonghan wanted you loud so you didn’t hold back the moans of pleasure, and you tried not to feel to embarrassed by the squelching sound of Jeonghan’s fingers sliding in and out of your soaked pussy.

The “show” didn’t last long ,and you never got to see how was watching if anyone was at all. You suddenly heard Jeonghan rolling up the window and his car started to roll forward again.

“You sound like a whore,” Jeonghan grumbled. Before more could be said, he reached up and buried his fingers into your hair, forcing your head down onto his cock.

You could as his whole cock was forced into your throat but no complaints were about to leave you. You could feel the pleasure at having done well curling in your stomach, you felt like you could come at any moment-

You felt Jeonghan’s car rolling to a stop and once the car jerked into a stop, his hand cracked hard against your ass. You gasped in surprise at the sudden touch only to be ripped right back off of his cock.

“In my lap. Now.”

You weren’t sure where you two were. An empty parking lot? It didn’t really matter. You obediently climbed into Jeonghan’s lap, and without doubling checking lined yourself up on Jeonghan’s cock. As you tried to get it in right, you accidentally rubbed his tip a few times between your folds which must’ve seemed like a tease because the second his tip had slid into your pussy he had pushed you all the way down onto him.

You cried out in surprise, a small stretch vibrating through your body that Jeonghan did not give you much time to adjust to. He grabbed your hips and began to forcefully raise you up and down the length of his cock. You whined, your body writhing in pleasure as all you could do was keep your face buried in his neck as he forced you up and down on his cock like you were some kind of sex doll.

“This is what you were made for,” he mumbled right beside your ear. “You were made for my cock. Made to be used by me for my own pleasure. And you like it don’t you? You like just being pummeled by my cock. Being stuffed full and used like your own pleasure doesn’t even matter.”

You nodded but Jeonghan was not satisfied by that. You were ripped back by your hair, and roughly slapped so that little tears sprouted at the corners of your eyes.

“I asked you a question you stupid slut. Are you even listening to what I say to you? Or is your small little brain unable to comprehend anything other than my cock filling you up?”

“I-I-“ You struggled to find your words but Jeonghan only started fucking you harder at that, purposely trying to make it more difficult for you. “Pl-please I-I- wanna-“

You weren’t able to get any straight words out and it earned you another slap which did not make it easier.

“I-I’m go-gonna-”

Jeonghan was spilling his cum into you without warning, seeming to find pleasure at your desperation to come along with your desperation to please him.

“Then why don’t you just do it and come like brainless slut you are?” Jeonghan suggested.

You were coming hard before you really knew it. Your whole body shook and you could have sworn that white flashed as your body fell limp against Jeonghan. His fingers loosened their tight grip on your lips, and you could his cock trapping his cum inside of you.

It was a little sweaty know in his car. Your shirt was sticking to you in a way that was a bit uncomfortable but, you didn’t pay it much thought.

“Y/n?”

You ignored Jeonghan, focusing on your breathing. You were so full. He felt so good. Your body was still shaking a little, surprised by how rough he had been so suddenly.

“Y/n.”

You peeled back enough so that you could hazily look at Jeonghan. He gave you a small smile and observed the expression on your face. After deeming it okay he began to press small kisses across it.

“You’re being really good baby,” he assured you lightly. “Always so good for me. You sure that was okay?”

You nodded distractedly, the exhaustion of the day finally hitting you.

Jeonghan laughed a little.

“Come on now, did I actually fuck you that good? You can’t get out a sentence?”

You forced yourself to focus on Jeonghan. You gave him a small smile.

“You always fuck me that good,” you replied. He let out a small laughed and patted you on the back of your head.

“Okay baby let’s get you home.”

Jeonghan was so annoying when it came to after care. He insisted on piggy backing you up to your apartment, and once you two were back he was drawing you a bath, searching your cabinets for sugar scrub and body butter.

He sat just outside of the bathtub, after laying you down into the warm soapy water. He was so focused on getting you clean too. Asking you off-handedly small things about your day as he rubbed the sugar scrub into your skin.

You stared at Jeonghan’s soft face as he lathered face soap into yours.

“Hey Jeonghan,” you mumbled softly. He hummed at you, distractedly. He wasn’t really listening. “Tell me that you love me again.”

His eyes flickered up to yours.

“I do,” he assured and his voice sounded so genuine. “I love you so much y/n.”

You smiled at him.

“Okay,” you whispered softly.

If Jeonghan was put off by the fact you didn’t say it back, he didn’t voice it.

“Do you want to do face masks?”

You had bought a couple of lego sets for Jeonghan to do while he was over at your place, and so after you two had both gotten cleaned and dressed, you two had ordered food and put facemasks on.

You watched him as he assembled the lego pieces and you thought idly that he was really good at building things.

“Can I have any hints at what your major is?” You asked, letting your voice drop to an octave that you thought might intice him to just tell you what you wanted to hear. He raised a skeptical eyebrow towards you.

“No,” he replied. The finality in his voice made you groan.

“This is unfair, won’t you tell me anything about yourself?” You asked him. “What about Kibum and Jiheon? Tell me more about them.”

Jeonghan thought over your request.

“Well, I will tell you that actually Jiheon and I are very close. She invites me to do a lot of things with her. I’m not really a part of her friend group but… I am.”

“Oh.”

That was good information actually. You nodded, pretending not to find the information that life changing.

“I think our food is here.”

-

Jiheon was a history major and so you knew that to casually bump into her all you had to do was camp outside of the history building bus stop. And of course, you had dragged Yeongtae with you.

“There are better ways to figure out things about Jeonghan.”

You mostly ignored him, your fingers drumming against the edge of your phone.

“This is going to work Yeongtae. Jeonghan said that he’s basically in her friend group if I can just get the chance to hang out with them then I will see a whole other side of him that he isn’t letting me see right now.”

“Yeah but this is a little psychiotic don’t you think?” He questioned. “Waiting for her outside of the-”

Before he could continue your eyes noticed a familiar ponytail in a crowd. Your eyes widened.

“Okay, okay game on.”

You two quickly changed your topic of conversation to one that was a little more fitting. Something about homework and classes that had frustrated you two. It was scary how natural it sounded.

“Oh my god, wait a second-“ Jiheon let out an excited sound and she bounced over to the two of you.

“Is that who I think it is? Mrs. Yoon.”

Your face flushed a dark red at being called such a thing and you immediately questioned if maybe you would have been better off if you had tried to target someone else. Maybe Cheol would be able to help you see the side of Jeonghan you hadn’t yet.

“Jiheon?” You replied, feigning surprise. “Oh, wow this is, uh-” You gestured towards Yeongtae, who dipped his head towards Jiheon. “This is Yeongtae.”

“Oh, Yeongtae,” Jiheon greeted softly. “I’ve seen you at a few parties.”

Now it was Yeongtae’s turn to turn red.

That Cheol idea was sounding more and more tempting… But you reminded yourself that he would probably see right through you and encourage you to just reach out to Jeonghan about all of this yourself. He’ll tell you when he wants to.

“I’m guessing Jeonghan told you about the friend group,” Jiheon said slightly, a smile on her face. “And you want to meet them so you can get to know Jeonghan better.”

Your mouth fell open in surprise at the accusation. Mostly at the accuracy of it. You fleetingly remembered what Kibum had said about her being able to practically read minds.

“Well,” Jiheon continued, not even waiting for you to continue. “You’re in lucky because we’re all going to the bar tonight and you and your friend Yeongtae are more than invited!”

Jiheon giggled and jumped up, wrapping her arm around your shoulders excitedly.

“It’ll be so much fun! Everyone has been begging to meet you ever since Jeonghan started prioritizing moping about you not being by his side 24/7 over hanging out with us.”

You felt a bit guilty but you didn’t have a super long time to think about it.

“Come on. We’re going to miss the bus.”

-

You’d never been to the bar that Jiheon ended up taking you and Yeongtae to but you found that you did like it. You were pleasantly surprised by the dark wood tables and floors that made it feel very home-y and the old pictures of groups of people that made this feel like a bar that really had been serving people since the 90s.

Jiheon took you and Yeongtae over to a table that housed a small group of students your age and quickly introduced you two to them- Most of them actually already knew Yeongate.

There was Yujin, Sunghoon, and of course Kibum. They all smiled at you, nursing cups of different colored drinks. Kibum and Sunghoon, amusingly enough, nursing very pink drinks.

“You’ve got to get me one of those,” Yeongtae said as soon as he took a seat next to Kibum. Sunghoon reached across Kibum to fist bump Yeongate.

“I can take you up to the bar to order one,” he replied. “It’s good to see you man.”

They both got right back up, and wandered over to the bar that was bathed in warm golden light.

“Do you drink much y/n?” Yujin asked. You thought about it silently for a few seconds.

“Not a lot,” you admitted. “But one drink doesn’t really hurt.”

Yujin got up.

“Let me grab you something… Hm… Fruity?”

You nodded with a small smile, and she disappeared to join the boys up at the bar. You slid down next where she had been and Jiheon slid in next to you.

“Kibum, it’s good to see you again.”

He gave you a smile.

“Yeah.”

He turned to Jiheon, a slightly confused expression on his face.

“I thought Jeonghan couldn’t come tonight?”

“He can’t,” she replied. There was an excited glint in her eyes, that seemed to stress Kibum out a little bit. He mumbled something under his breath in another language that you didn’t catch. Jiheon just arched an eyebrow at him.

“It’s not a big deal,” she assured.

After talking to Jeonghan’s friends for a few hours you were able to piece together a few things about Jeonghan. For one, even outside of Alpha Mu Jeonghan, really was treated like a king. In every story they told he got what he wanted, picked up any person that he looked at.

Most of all they said it was hard to keep track of him. One second he was there, the next… Well, they would have completely lost him, unsure of where he went until he just reappeared a few minutes later, no prompting of what he had been up to.

They almost always paid for him, apparently got him whatever he wanted. It was amusing to hear honestly. The way that everyone would cater to him.

“It’s like they always say,” Yujin stated.

“Jeonghan always gets what he wants,” the whole group parroted as if it had been rehearsed.

“I can’t believe he actually got you,” Sunghoon commented. “Jiheon always said that he liked you but… Well, no one believed her.”

“How…” The commented confused you. “How would Jiheon know that?”

“One time we were all at a party and you were there too and Jeonghan was completely different than usual,” Jiheon replied. “He kept glancing at you, urging the group closer to whoever you were talking to. So annoyed when you finally left…. It was easy to figure out that he liked you.”

“Jeonghan was so convincing though. He said he didn’t even know who you were,” Kibum commented. “Should’ve known better. Should’ve known to just trust Jiheon.”

Yujin looked at her very seriously.

“Your powers are nothing to mess with… You’re insane.”

Jiheon beamed with pride.

“Okay… You’ve got to tell me. Is it really that good?” Jiheon pressed lightly. Your eyes widened as she pushed forward a small glass. You glanced down into it but there was nothing but clear liquid. You raised an eyebrow at her.

“Vodka?” You asked. She frowned slightly.

“Water,” she replied with a point. “But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about Jeonghan. Is he really that good in bed?”

Yujin gasped, sharply nudging Jiheon in the side.

“Jiheon?”

“What?” She asked innocently. “We were all thinking it.”

“We were not all thinking it,” Sunghoon insistently.

“Some of us have heard it,” Yeongtae replied just as miserably. Him and Sunghoon shared a horrified glance.

“You’ve never…” You trailed off, wondering if it was weird to assume that Jeonghan had fucked all the girls he was friends with.

“Oh god no,” Yujin said, her nose wrinkling slightly. “Our relationship with Jeonghan has never been like that. I think it’s different for him. Meeting people at parties versus in class.”

You hummed in thought.

What you had known of Jeonghan before, albeit not much, was just that he was very flirty. Touchy. When he saw someone… something that he liked then he was bound to show so in his gaze and his touches and all of the above.

And from what you had seen Jeonghan always got what he wanted. You knew that no girl had ever rejected him before. No, that would make news. And you were fairly certain that translated outside of girls and people… The boys at Alpha Mu seemed to always give him what he wanted.

You didn’t always do that for him. At the same time as you did always give him what he wanted, you also didn’t. You knew he would like it if you spent more time with him. You knew that you could do more to be a better girlfriend for him.

“Come on,” Jiheon urged excitedly, shaking your shoulder a little. “What’s it like? Is he big?”

Your face burned in embarrassment.

“I mean-”

“Now, now, now.” A hand came around your neck from behind, the touch light, his thumb in the little dip of your neck. You turned your head back, even though you didn’t really need to in order to know exactly who was standing there, touching you like they owned you. “Jiheon if you want to know so badly you could always just ask to see.”

Jiheon was not embarrassed at all at having been caught in the middle of this conversation.

“Jeonghan can I please see your cock.”

She batted her eyes innocently, in a way that made Sunghoon and Yujin snicker.

“Sure, as long as my pretty girlfriend says that it’s okay,” he said pleasantly. Both Jiheon and Jeonghan laughed at their own conversation and Jeonghan’s hand prodded you to look at him more. You turned so that were facing him, instantly taking him in.

His hair was falling in his face in a way that made you feel like you needed to fix it. He was wearing a loose button up and a pair of slacks. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“Jeonghan, where are you coming from?”

He shrugged off-handedly.

“Partner-work,” he replied with a sigh. “And imagine my dismay, when I can’t find my girl friend anywhere to get the scent of…” His face turned soar. “Kimmie off of me.”

You could smell a faint scent of women’s perfume on his shirts, and it made a small ball build up in your throat. Before you could say anything, Jeonghan pressed a kiss to your lips and elbowed Jiheon lightly so that she would get out of the booth. She slid out and Jeonghan slid in next to you. A pout on his lips.

“All you do is sneak around behind my back to try and find out things about me,” he said softly. Your face burned at the accusation even though… Well, it was true. “You owe me.” He poked you and leaned closer. “You’re going to get punished for this.”

His voice was too quiet for anyone to hear, and luckily for you, you were able to keep your embarrassment mostly to yourself. As Jeonghan had spoken, Jiheon was pulling a chair up at the end of the table.

“And you just invited her? What have you all been talking about?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Yujin said teasingly. “Maybe if you spent more time with us we wouldn’t have to resort to kidnapping your girlfriend.”

Jeonghan gave Yujin an annoyed looked and he glanced over at the two glasses in front of you. The water… The one with a little bit of a drink at the bottom. You felt ashamed for it but, he didn’t do anything that actually made you feel that way.

“Do you want another one?” He asked you softly. You were going to say no but… His voice was so genuine. So soft. You could feel that he just wanted to take care of you. You nodded. He smiled, and patted your head lightly.

“I’ll be right back.”

He slid out of the booth so that he could go to the bar and as soon as he was away Yujin was gasping and grabbing your arm.

“Look at you,” she said excitedly. “You really are Mrs. Yoon. He’s treating you like a queen.  I bet he’d do anything for you.”

Her excitement was palpable.

“I told you,” Kibum said. “It’s like he’s someone completely different than we are used to when he is around her.”

“I didn’t know he had the capacity to care about someone,” Sunghoon said, and it sounded serious but the way the others laughed made it clear to you that it was a joke. When Jeonghan came back he rolled his eyes, setting the drink in front of you as if he could tell what they were talking about.

“Well, go on… Ask your questions.”

It bothered you the way he answered all of their questions about you two’s relationships but wouldn’t even tell you his major. You could tell that Yeongtae knew. You knew that Jeonghan could tell too, he was just pretending not to notice.

To quell your frustration his hand was on the back of your neck, his fingers playing with your hair as a way to ease you.

It did ease you, and as you were eased you were able to just sit and listen to the way that he interacted with them. He was very playful; his mood was light.

He still smelled lightly of that girl’s perfume.

-

You bid a quick greeting to the Alpha Mu boys in the living room as you made your way up to Jeonghan’s bedroom. It had been a few days since you met his friends at the bar, and despite Jeonghan’s insistence against it, Jiheon had urged you to come hang out again some other time.

And even though he told you a million times you shouldn’t hang out with her, when you asked for it Jeonghan gave you her phone number so that you could text her.

You thought about what the others had said. He was different around you. You wondered exactly what that meant. Everyone was always telling you how much he liked you… It was just weird. You sort of understood the outburst Jeonghan had after that conversation with Minghao. Everyone acted like he was bad at expressing his feelings.

But you thought he was really good at it.

When you walked into Jeonghan’s room he was at his desk, sketching something out on a paper. As soon as you closed the door behind you however he was folding the paper away. You sighed. It must have to do with school.

You walked over to Jeonghan and sighed, dropping your whole body weight on him. The day had been exhausting. What with work, and school. You were about ready to just fall asleep. Jeonghan seemed to sense that in you.

“Did you eat?” He asked.

You groaned, and it told him everything he needed to know.

“Well, you know full well you can’t sleep until you eat. I’ll get you something from downstairs,” he said lightly. “You just go ahead and change.”

Frustration still buzzed in your chest, but you nodded.

“Do you work tomorrow?” He asked you softly. He turned so that he could drag you into his lap. You let him give you a small kiss. You shook your head.

“Good,” he said. “Do you want to spend the day with me?”

You perked up at the question but also… It was suspicious.

“Doing what?” You asked him.

“I have this seminar I need to go to,” he replied. “And then I wanted to go see an old classmate maybe.”

This made you even more suspicious.

“… Why?”

A smile ghosted his lips.

“You remember that punishment that I mentioned the other day?”

He turned and rummaged around in one of his drawers before pulling out what you recognized to be a small sex toy. It was pale pink and had a small piece that was obviously meant to go inside of you. At the base of that it looked a bit like a butterfly. You frowned at it slightly.

“What…?”

Before you could ask more Jeonghan had pressed the item to your arm and was clicking a remote that was in his other hand. The toy buzzed to life, and your eyes widened with understanding.

“I think that’s a fitting punishment, don’t you?” He asked you lightly. “A full day of edging?”

There was an evil glint in his eyes that scared you just as much as the idea excited you.

-

The toy itself fit surprisingly comfortably inside of you. You thought that it would feel akward. You thought that you would be constantly uncomfortable but you weren’t really. At first you were worried that you were walking weird but you decided after he buzzed it on that the fear was solely in your head. Seungcheol didn’t seem to notice that the toy was vibrating or the way that your eyes widened and you grabbed Jeognhan’s free hand in surprise at the feeling, so that quelled your worries that people would be able to just hear it.

In the car ride on the way to Jeonghan’s seminar he showed you all of the settings of the vibrator. A few weird pulsing ones versus the three normal settings on any vibrater that was just increased in speeds. The highest vibration was a bit more than you were used to. You had to grab the car handle when he put it on it your face turning bright red, as you willed yourself not to really react. To practice,

Jeonghan had just laughed at you and switched off the toy.

“You know what to do if it’s too much?” He asked you, as if it were day one. You rolled your eyes.

“I’m supposed to just endure it and say nothing right?” You asked him. The toy buzzed to the highest setting in a blink of an eye. You yelped, tossing your hand over your mouth, your eyes screwing shut. “I’ll safe word if it’s too much. I’ll safe word.”

The toy died again, and you were suddenly able to breath. When you looked over at Jeonghan he was smiling.

“I think today is going to be a lot of fun.”

You were a bit excited about this seminar. Not because you wanted to sit through a seminar but because you thought maybe it would give some insight into Jeonghan’s major. Unfortunately, you were pretty sure that Jeonghan’s major had nothing to do with the history of South Korea and peaceful protests.

You toyed with the pamphlet that Jeonghan had given you, not reading it, but also not quite not reading it. Your eyes grazed over the letters, your whole body prepared for the vibrator in you to buzz to life at any moment.

Jeonghan seemed to know a lot of students here. You were surprised by the amount of them that just seemed… Well, professional you guessed. They were all dressed up with slacks and button-ups, but if you squinted you were pretty sure you had seen at least one of them doing a keg stand at one of the Alpha Mu parties.

“I can’t believe we have to do this class,” one of them grumbled with a roll of his eyes. He glanced at you from over Jeonghan’s shoulder. “At least some babes showed up.”

You didn’t have to see Jeonghan’s face to know that he sent the guy a glare. Only had to see the fear that crossed the guys eyes when he looked back at Jeonghan.

“That’s my girlfriend.”

The guy swallowed so hard his adams apple bobbed.

“She’s really pretty.”

He didn’t try to introduce himself to you, in fact for the rest of the seminar he did anything but look in your direction. Other than that guy, Jeonghan was excited to introduce you to people. As you two took your seats, far in the back, Jeonghan introduced you to just about everyone he passed.

“Yes, this is my girlfriend. Isn’t she perfect?”

You smiled, and laughed like a trophy wife would, secretly anticipating the buzz of the toy inside of you, but luckily you survived all the introductions. In fact, it was halfway through the seminar when, you were comfortable that the toy all of a sudden buzzed to life.

Your fingers crinkled the pamphlet in your hand, but Jeonghan, the masochist didn’t look at you at all. In fact, it was as if he hadn’t turned it on at all.

Well, fine, if he was going to be like that, you were going to be too.

You were determined to be good. You were determined not to let this affect you. You focused back in on the seminar, trying really hard to hear about the testimonies of some of the students but just as you were settled in, just as you were really focused back in the setting went up.

This time your hands balled on your thighs, and you had to focus on your breathing. Making sure that it stayed the same as it usually did even though… You couldn’t really remember what your breathing was normally like.

Jeonghan still wasn’t acknowledging you, so you were still doing your best to keep quiet too. You weren’t doing a very good job of acting completely unaffected. Your knees were squeezed tight together, your lips pressed, your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to situate yourself in the seat in a way that would make the vibrations less distracting.

The buzzing went up to the highest seating.

You let out a small gasp, making someone in front of you turn around and look at you. You gave them a smile and held up your phone as if you had just dropped it or something, until they turned around. Once they weren’t looking at you again, you dropped your phone into your lap and gripped at the arm rests, taking in big breaths as you felt the vibrations warming your body.

You could feel the warmth creeping up your neck as pleasure coiled in your stomach, an orgasm quickly approaching. You shifted, now subconsciously chasing the release that you knew was coming, and then just as you were about to get it- The vibrations completely stopped.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, feeling like you could cry, but remembering to keep it to yourself because you were in public.

You realized suddenly that your body was shaking, so you didn’t loosen your grip on the arm rests until it was down, and you were feeling less in pain for having your orgasm ripped away from you.

Once you had relaxed Jeonghan reached his hand over to you, placing it on your thigh, but closer to your knee then where you really wanted it. He leaned over, his lips brushing your ear.

“Good girl,” he praised softly. He played with you like that for the rest of the seminar. Everytime that you thought that you were safe the vibrations would start. They started off small, barely there, growing until you were so close to an orgasm that you could practically touch it, only for Jeonghan to rip it away from you just before you came.

Your frustration was palpable. You dropped your head on his shoulder, wrapping your fingers around his upper arm. You wanted so badly to come. You wanted so badly for this torture to end, but the day was just starting… And the excitement towards your reward for enduring it all was much to intriguing for you to possibly safe word and get out of this.

You didn’t even notice when the seminar let out, only knowing that it was time to go because people around you were starting to move. You didn’t feel Jeonghan moving so you didn’t either, and the cruel bastard turned on the low vibrations. You barely muffled a moan into his shoulder, fighting hard to keep quiet and hide how good it felt, but not being completely able to.

“Jeonghan? Hey! I didn’t even notice you,” a man said excitedly. Jeonghan shifted, forcing you to look up at the guy. You gave him a friendly smile, hoping that your red face wasn’t that off-putting.

“Hey! Oh, y/n this is Jae. Jae, this is my girlfriend y/n.”

The bastard.

“Hi Jae,” you said friendly. “It’s nice to meet you.”

He held out his hand to you, and you hesitated, glancing at Jeonghan before you took it. Jae laughed.

“You afraid to take another man’s hand without permission?”

The question annoyed you. The way he said it. You weren’t afraid to take his hand without permission. You were afraid that Jeonghan was going to turn up the vibrations the second that you took Jae’s hand. You gave Jae an unamused look.

“No,” was all you said and you stared at him until he dropped his hand and his cheeks dusted pink in embarrassment at what he had said. Jeonghan’s hand came to the back of your neck and rubbed a small circle there before falling into a small conversation with Jae about some class they were in together.

You were able to gather that they were the same major, but before you could figure out what exactly that major was the vibrations turned up. You stumbled slightly, your hand darting to Jeonghan’s wrist. You wrapped your fingers tightly around it, but managed to smile at Jae like nothing was wrong.

You thought you were doing a good job of pretend like you were paying attention to the conversation, but it was distracting as more and more people walked up.

“Hi, Jared, this is my girlfriend, y/n,” Jeonghan introduced. You smiled at him, taking his hand.

“Nice to me-” The vibrations switched up as you two shook hands and your grip on him tightened, your voice cracking. “-et you.”

Jared laughed as you two released your hands.

“You’ve got a strong handshake,” he said with a laugh. You forced a smile.

“I think that’s one of my best qualities.”

You weren’t too distracted to send a glare at Jae.

As the conversation turned away from you Jeonghan changed the vibration settings, off of the straight ones to one that buzzed twice rapidly, paused, and then let out a small long vibration before starting all over again.

You thought it was crueler than the other settings. You weren’t able to get comfortable at all with this one. You were constantly on edge. Constantly squeezing the life out of Jeonghan’s arm. You kept thinking that his conversation was going to end. Hoping really that the torture would cease with every lull in conversation.

But it just kept going.

You tugged at Jeonghan’s arm as pleasure coiled in your stomach. Fuck you couldn’t do this. You weren’t going to be able to just stand here for another five- Even one minute. If he kept this up you were going to come in front of all these people and it was going to be so unsatisfying and you needed to be fucked right now.

You tugged sharply at Jeonghan’s arm clearing your throat a little.

“Jeonghan,” you mumbled. He ignored you. You tugged at him again. “Jeonghan.” Your tone made him realize that you were a bit urgent. He looked down at you, a small smile when he saw the state you were in. “I’m hungry. Can we go?”

You thought that Jeonghan was going to be so sadistic as to make you beg for it in front of all his classmates, but he wasn’t.

“Of course, we can babe,” he promised you softly. You forced yourself to stay calm. Forced yourself not to react to strongly when he leaned down and gave you a soft kiss. You barely registered his goodbye’s to his classmates, instead you dragged him to the top floor, into the nearest family bathroom, locking the door behind you two.

“Please, please, please.” You begged thoughtlessly. Your fingers coming to his pants, and pulling out his cock. “N-Need some relief Jeonghan, need your cock, please, please, please.”

His cock was rock hard when you tugged it out of his pants, just confirmation that he had been enjoying your games the whole seminar. You were hoping that he was as desperate as you were. Thinking that surely his self-control wasn’t so good that he didn’t want to fuck you.

“Pl-Please fuck me Jeonghan,” you begged him softly, you tugged at his cock, your thumb teasing his tip, trying to entice him. He watched you silently, his face showing no indication of his thoughts.

“Turn around. Hands on the wall.”

Your hand left his cock so fast that you almost gave yourself whiplash. You shoved your hands against the wall, and stuck your ass out as Jeonghan pulled down your pants, peeling your soaked panties down to your ankles, and then slowly, teasingly easing the toy out of you.

Your pussy gaped, clenching on air at the last of the toy, and your soft moans turned into sobs of relief at the release of the vibrations. Only moments later Jeonghan’s hands were tightly gripping your hips, and the tip of his dick was sliding between your folds gathering wetness.

“Did you enjoy being played with during the seminar?” Jeonghan asked you teasingly. You whined, letting your forehead hit the wall. “You did a good job of pretending to be unaffected.”

Jeonghan’s cock slipped inside of you, and he bottomed out in you in an instant.

“God your pussy is just sucking me in,” he groaned. He pulled out slowly and then thrust back in hard. “You can’t get enough of my cock can you?”

“I can’t,” you openly sobbed. “I just needed you so badly… Your cock feels so much better than that stupid toy. I wanted to come so many times…”

You were being shameless, but you could tell by the squeeze of Jeonghan’s hands on your hips that he didn’t care. He wasn’t playing with your clit, or touching you in any other way than just to fuck you. His cock making squelching sounds because of how wet you were from the toy.

Without warning Jeonghan was coming inside of you, filling you up inside, and then pulling his cock so that just his tip was inside of you so that he could fill you up completely. You expected him to start playing with your clit now, or to start fucking you again, but instead he slipped his cock from you, immediately pushing his cum securely inside of you with that stupid toy.

You turned around, your eyes wide, your cheeks tear stained.

“J-Jeonghan,” you begged quietly. “B-But I-I-“

“I am not done playing with you,” Jeonghan said, grabbing you sternly by your chin. “This is a punishment remember? You don’t get to decide when it’s over.”

The unless you really need out, hung in the air, hidden behind his eyes. You knew you had an out. An easy out. There would be no shame in safe wording right now and getting to come. Your eyes fluttered shut and you groaned, letting your head fall into Jeonghan’s chest.

“Yes sir,” you mumbled. Jeonghan’s fingers threaded into your hair and he forced you to look up at him.

“What do you say?” He asked you. “I filled your needy cunt with cum and yet I’ve gotten nothing for it.”

You pouted just slightly.

“Thank you Jeonghan,” you said softly. Jeonghan smiled and patted your cheek consdescendingly.

“I shouldn’t have to teach you basic manners.”

He slapped your ass causing you to yelp.

“Now come on, I have to go meet up with my study partner.”

You partly understood why he had wanted you to come with him to see this particular study partner. The one he had mentioned before. You could recognize the scent of her perfume from his collar. She was practically shoving her breasts into his chest, hugging him excitedly when she saw him.

He looked uncomfortable.

You pushed between the two, giving her a smile.

“Hi. I’m Jeonghan’s girlfriend,” you said, your tone short. “How long is this going to take you exactly?

She hated you. She kept sending you glares, as you physically got inbetween them every time that the two got too close. You could feel Jeonghan’s relief everytime you separated them, but it didn’t stop Jeonghan from causing you torture. As they settled into the project the vibrations started all over again. Different then what it had been before. Just short bursts of vibrations in successions. Your fingers balled on the table, your breaths coming in shorter pants.

If his stupid partner thought it was odd, she didn’t say anything.

You wiggled in your chair, once again finding purchase in Jeonghan’s shoulder, unfortunately making it easier for him to figure out when you were about to come.

Always bringing you right up to the edge. And always ripping the orgasm right away from you. It was hell. Pure hell.

And with the cum inside of you, dribbling out around the toy everyonce in a while it just made the feeling that much more overwhelming.

But at least once he finished his project it would be over. Again you dragged him into the bathroom. Again you begged for him to fuck you, and he did. Right over the (thankfully) clean sink so that you were desperately gripping at the ceramic, trying to keep yourself steady.

Another full load of cum, and another securing of the toy immediately after.

Jeonghan kissed you patiently as he waited for your tears to stop rolling down your cheeks, his fingers threading soothingly through your hair.

“You’re so good for me,” he praised lightly. “You’re enduring so well.”

“We’re going home now?” You asked him softly. Another soft kiss to your cheek.

“We have to go catch some food with one of my classmates.”

You really heavily considered safe wording, but the anticipation of how good your orgasm was going to feel after all this teasing, once you had done good for him…

“Okay,” you said softly.

“What do you say?”

“Thank you Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan gave you a small pat to your head.

“That’s my good girl.”

The last and final part of Pathetic << linked right there

[stardustlixie]

hyunjin, the heartthrob

[pairing: fem!dom!reader x sub!hyunjin]

[warnings: smut, degradation (like a lot), mean reader, lowkey pathetic hyunjin, dumbassery, confusion about feelings, angry sex (kinda?), unprotected penetration (don't do this), choking, hair pulling, bondage, cunnilingus, light slapping (like twice)]

[REPOST FROM MY DELETED SMUT BLOG]

[author's note: i can't do this anymore, the grip he has on my brain is insane. this is kinda weird?? read at your own risk lmao, not responsible for the brain damage, pt.2 might be written?]

hyunjin as the type of guy to be the uni heartthrob annoying you for no apparent reason. he keeps following you around, trying to talk to you, even tho your replies make it quite clear that you want him gone. you're the quiet, scary and academic type and he's the loud, funny and popular type. the entire campus questions why he's following someone like you around, but they're afraid of saying anything because his friends always keeping lurking, glaring down anyone who tries to question him.

even tho his friend group looks quite intimidating in the distance, they're just a bunch of dorks. and so is he. but with a massive crush on you. he finds you quite scary tho, your almost neutral expression and no bullshit attitude intimidating most people that come your way. he saw just a glimpse of your kindness once, when you baby-talked to your friend's cat, he almost lost it. but he mostly sees your other side, the undefeatable one that shows in the debates in your sociology class that he sneaks in to watch, the mean one that you once used to make someone cry when they targeted your bestfriend.

he gets off to that meaner side of you, that's his dirty little fantasy. he wants to be degraded by that side and be used for your amusement while he's unable to do something to help himself, and your softer side to soothe him afterwards.

but that just stays a fantasy.

until..

you're in the library one weekend, just to return some books and pick up new ones for your research, you walk out to the corridors to see none other, than hwang fucking hyunjin. he wasn't expecting to see you there, but he bursts into a smile, pulling his attention from whatever he had in his hands.

"hey, yn!" he waves at you, you shove your stuff into your bag and walk the opposite of his direction, also opposite to where you need to go. you can't do this right now.

it's not like you hate him, you think he's cute, you're beginning to get used to him following you, maybe you'd even give him a chance on a good day. but your day has been shitty enough as is. you can't bring yourself to interact with him just now.

"heyy, you didn't wave back." he jogs up to you and starts walking alongside you. oh how you wish he'd just be his own way for once.

he doesn't like your lack of reaction. you're not even sparing him a glace!

"come ooonnn, stop ignoring me!" he pouts at you with a whine all too dramatic.

"leave me alone, hyunjin" you hiss at him. you really don't wanna say something worse, but it's like he trying to........ provoke you? he's being much more pushy than he usually is, and there's no one in the corridors on a godddam weekend and you're very fucking close to snapping.

"ynnn!! pay attention to me!" he whines again, really wanting to provoke you. he's not blind, he notices you're not in a mood to be messed with. but a tiny, little parts of him wants to push you further, to maybe make you snap at him.

and when he crosses the line and touches your waist, you do.

you snap.

pushing him to nearest wall with some force, drawing his breath out of his lungs. you pin him there and your anger flows out, in sharp, hurtful words.

"the fuck do you think you were doing? what makes you think you can touch me? is this another dare from your group of fuckboys? or are you just a little attention whore who thinks he's entitled to everyone?"

you didn't mean a word you said, your anger was making up stuff on it's own, but he was flushed, a wild red on his face, that's when your gaze dropped to the floor, looking at whatever he dropped when you shoved him. you lean down to pick them up.

pictures. of you. not too many, not pictures taken by invading your privacy, but a few snaps of you in the corridors, or the canteen, or the library. times when you were fully aware he was there, from that one polaroid phase he had, he used to carry that thing around for a full two weeks.

the pictures flip something in you, you take your chances with him. you wanna test him, you know it's risky, but your brain isn't weighing it very well currently.

"god, hyunjin. look at you-" your voice drops an octave without you even realising it, and it does things to him that can't say out loud. you wave the photographs at him.

"-taking pictures of me like a little creep? so filthy. following me around like a desperate little slut. were you hoping to be discovered?"

you didn't expect him to be as affected as he was. breath uneven from your jump scare a second ago, ears red, with some of redness bleeding into his face, still affixed in the position you pinned him in. your leg shifts between his legs and his boner brushes against your thigh. what a surprise. he likes this. he looks away from you, but you turn his face to you with your forefinger, him gulping at the action. adorable.

"you really are an attention whore aren't you? following me around like that? clicking pictures of me? bothering me and hoping I'll take notice? pathetic." you tsk at him, he looks on the verge of tears but his boner says a different story, you experimentally press you leg over it, recieving a small whimper in return. yup, he's definitely enjoying this.

"you got hard just by me yelling and shoving you huh?"

he's torn, his brain sending him mixed signals, he's embarrassed, he wants to go back to his dorm and hide and never show his face to the world ever again. but he likes this, part of him wants you to humiliate him more, maybe do things to him that he won't be able to forget. and a part of him is even more embarrassed at the route his thoughts are taking.

you're not thinking straight. he's hot, you shouldn't be doing this, but some predatory instinct inside you wants to. you use him as a catalyst to get your mind off of whatever has been bothering you. it probably shouldn't be a big deal, he wants this anyway.

"tell me hyunjin, do you really think i don't notice? you think i didn't notice you staring at me when I was with Lin and her cat? do you really think i didn't see you when I had to drive that asshole away from her? you think i don't notice how you sneak into sociology and watch me from the corner? i do. how will you explain all that huh?"

fuck. he didn't think you noticed. he really has no explanation. he's fucked. you could report him, or worse, out him infront of everyone, you even have the photos with you. he should have thought this through. he's done for. he's pretty sure you're gonna report him-

"i'm sorry! please don't-"

"make up for it."

"w-what?" he's pulled out of his trance.

"well, since you've behaved like a pathetic slut, make up for it by actually being one. maybe then i'll forgive you"

he gulps, he would do it without second thought but he doesn't know if you're kidding or mocking him. he even has no idea how to say it, so he just sighs and nods.

"that's what i thought. follow me."

he follows you on shaky legs as you lead him outside of campus, and the next thing he knows, he's being pinned to the door of your apartment while you unbuckle his belt and whip it out of it's place. he has no idea what to expect when you detach yourself from him and seat yourself on the couch.

"come here." you order and he follows, walking over to you.

"strip." you say, he feels exposed under your intense gaze, even with you sitting down on the low couch while he stands in front of you, he feels like he's on display. he can't say he doesn't like it tho. so he puts on a show for you, peeling of each piece of his outfit one by one, jacket, followed by his shirt, then his pants, all in quite sultry a manner before he stops, only his boxers on, and looks at you uncertainly.

"off." is all you need to say before he's kicking them away, his erection springing free. you look at him for a good while, soaking in details of his body, pretty neck and collarbones, lean arms and torso and such a slutty waist, further down to his painfully hard dick, red and leaking, body supported by strong and pretty thighs. and for a guy like him, he has a big dick.

he's aware of your intense stare on him, suddenly feeling very conscious of his own appearance.

you get up from your place, his belt still in one hand, the other going to his shoulder, making him shiver before it glides to his back as you make your way behind him, gripping his hips and pressing your front to his back, as if to tease, making his breath hitch. you bring his wrist his wrists together behind his back and tie them together with his own belt.

"i'm giving you a chance to back out, i'll throw those pictures away and you can walk out like this never happened. do you wanna stop?" you whisper into his ear.

"n-no."

"good, then kneel" you smirk, pushing him down onto his knees and resuming your place on the couch.

you take a moment to admire how pretty he looks like this, kneeling infront of you with his hands tied back, breath uneven and so disheveled. so, so pretty.

as you take your pants off, his eyes fly to your covered heat, cute. you can't help but slowly press your foot down onto his dick, drawing a pained moan out of him because he's been neglected for so long.

you part your thighs and your eyes are enough to order him to get to work. he shifts to you and licks a long stripe on top of your wetness before you shift your panties to the side. he can't help but drool at the sight.

he starts working immediately, licking and sucking like a man on a mission. and he's on a mission indeed, a mission to prove himself somehow, because he knows this is probably the only time this is happening and he wants to make you feel as good as possible, make you remember him, because he sure as hell will never forget this. and certainly never forget the sudden moan from you as his tongue laps at your clit, noticing you're the most sensitive there. he keeps that in the back of his mind as he sticks his tongue inside of you, quite literally making out with your cunt. your hand comes down to grip at his hair, drawing a moan that vibrates straight into your core.

his tongue moves in and out of you while his button nose touches your clit with each movement, he pulls his tongue out only to attach his mouth onto your clit enveloping it in warmth and sucking on it, making you pull stronger at his hair before he resumes his work inside of you.

he's too good at this, it doesn't help that it's been a long while since you last did anything sexual.

you push him further into yourself by his hair and he moans right into you, the vibrations bringing you awfully close to your high. you release a breathy curse which motivates him to speed up.

when you cum, it is with slight spasms, chasing down the delicious feeling as your thighs close around him, burying him into you, almost suffocating him, but he keeps going nonetheless.

you yank him back by the hair to look at his drenched face, he finally catches his breath, making his chest heave as he looks up at you with hooded eyes. you give his face a slap, not too hard, yet he only moans at the impact.

"you like being slapped, slut?"

"y-yes" he nods as well as he can with the grip you have in his hair. you slap him, the redness resulting just adding to the erotic look on his face.

"up." you instruct, he stumbles up onto his feet with a wince and you move to free his hands. his wrists are red, almost bruised by how hard he's pulled against the belt.

you lay back on the couch, beckoning him over.

"fuck me." you order. "if you can that is." you add after seeing the uncertainty on his face, he nods frantically.

"i c-can."

he says he can, but he melts the moment his dick enters you, he's too sensitive, having waited for so fucking long.

"feels so good. fuck." he moans into your ear at the feeling as he hovers over you. he starts to move, his length stretching you out and drawing heavy breaths out of you by the sheer size, his tip touches your g-spot without much effort, hitting it repeatedly as he starts moving.

his arms shake at your sides, everything becoming too overwhelming for some reason, your warmth wrapped around him, the stimulation suddenly making his head spin.

"f-fuck... " the poor boy is trembling, voice slurring as his hips move in an erratic manner, although it's taking you time to get used to him, you take the chances you get to mock him. your hand moves to wrap around his throat like a necklace of sorts.

"you can't even fuck me, so pussydrunk already? i'll have to all the work myself huh?" he looks at you with glossy eyes as your fingers press down on the sides of his neck.

"please yn" he whimpers out, with no real context as to what he's asking for, his eyes screwing shut. his arms are barely keeping him up anymore, sweating and trembling like he'll fall.

"you're too fucked out to even use your brain huh? begging and you don't even know what for. it's okay tho, since that's all a dumb slut can do. i'll show you how you're supposed to make me feel."

you push him onto his back, getting a yelp in return and waste no time in grinding down onto him, resulting in a loud gasp from the boy. your hand finds it's way back to his throat. he lets go completely, hands falling to his sides and head pressing back into the cushions as he releases a string of broken moans while you ride him into oblivion.

"o-oh, fuckfuckfuck. oh god."

you laugh at his helpless sounds, suppressing your own becoming difficult.

"god isn't gonna save you here, baby."

that makes him let out a loud, almost sob like moan.

"please." he whines as his hips buck up in the slightest. you're getting closer with every passing second and it looks he is too.

"please what, sweetheart? want me to stop? because your pathetic self can't take it? or want me to fuck you dumb until you're left a babbling mess?" these words make him let out the loudest moan you've heard from a man. he really does get off on degradation.

"c-close. oh god, please. please. fuck." he's physically restraining himself from reaching out to you, hands grasping at whatever purchase he can find on anything around him.

"fuck. i'm close. you there? cum with me." you breathe out to him and he cums with a broken sob, his high hitting him like a train as his breath falters and his back arches beautifully, you keep moving throughout, riding out your own orgasm which hits in sweet waves, you keep going for a while after, just to overstimulate the boy a little, getting small, pained whimpers from him.

"c-can i touch you? please?" he asks, still in his post orgasm haze, his voice so adorably small that it makes you give in.

"go ahead." you say, expecting him to touch you tits or ass, but you didn't expect him to pull you body down to lay on top of him as you both catch your breath from your orgasms. he was holding on tight, like he'll fall if he let go. that little action did something to your heart but you pushed it back, not wanting to ruin the moment.

you originally planned to fuck him and kick him out, getting rid of those pictures anyway, but you think you don't mind if he stays for a while, you let him cling to you for a few minutes before the stickiness and stench of sex gets to you.

"hey, hyunjin? let's clean up hmm?" he makes a small noise but unwraps his arms anyway, but winces with you when you get off of his dick.

you pay no attention to his cum dripping out as you get yourself and him towels to clean up and put on some clothes.

he lets you drag him to the kitchen and accepts the water you give him, you're busy observing his features when his small voice snaps you out.

"i'm sorry." why is he apologizing? you find him looking down on the floor.

turns out he's sorry for clicking those pictures without your consent, it takes a while to convince him that you actually saw him taking those, just chose not to protest. well since you noticed him in places he didn't think you would, this didn't surprise him either.

you send him off with a warning not to die on the streets in a car accident.

fuck, you really need to get him out of your brain.

he's gone and you suddenly remember you need to clean your apartment before Lin comes over, you rush to find a way to get rid of the very obvious smell of sex in your living room, while you clean your brain goes on autopilot with it's thoughts.

so he's clingy after sex-

wait, what?

[alessiasfreckles]

Advantage (Leah Williamson x reader)

After colliding with another player, you have a concussion and have to stay home. Leah volunteers to look after you.

warnings: injury / concussion, sick, very mild angst if you squint

A/N: based off this request! I hope you like it! also any doctors pls don't come for me i've never had a concussion idk what the recovery looks like. part 2 here!

-----

The crowd went silent as your body fell limply to the ground. The game had been going so well up until that point, you were 3-0 up, and you were racing towards the goal with the ball high in the air, your eyes never leaving it as you jumped up to hit it with your head. That was all you could remember. Your teammates rushed towards you, the ball lying forgotten on the grass as the ref ran over. 

“Shit, she’s not moving,” Katie exclaimed, turning around to flag down the medics who were already making their way across the pitch. “Get over here, she needs help, now!”

Leah was knelt down by your side, careful not to touch you in case it was something serious, like a back or neck injury. “It’s going to be okay, y/n,” she said, her voice wavering slightly. She was mostly saying it to calm her own nerves, trying to convince herself you were okay.

“What happened?” Lotte asked Alessia, who was stood anxiously chewing her lip. 

“I’m not sure, I- I was so focused on the ball as well,” she said, feeling guilty for not paying better attention. “She jumped up for the ball and the defender, fuck, what’s her name, the big one, went for it as well, they must have hit heads.” 

Everyone was gathered around you like a protective wall, guarding you from the cameras and the crowd, who were talking quietly amongst themselves, worry rippling through the stadium. The medics carefully moved your limp body onto the stretcher, and the last view most of the girls on the field had of you was your body being carried away. 

Your eyes fluttered open to see the overhead lights of the hallway as the medics carried you towards an ambulance waiting outside. “What’s- what’s going on?” you asked, groaning slightly.

“You’ve had a head injury, y/n,” one of the medics told you gently. “You have to go to the hospital to be checked for a concussion.”

“Oh,” you said weakly, “okay.”

---

The hospital released you after keeping you in for observation for a few hours, determining that whilst you had a concussion, it was only a mild one. The team doctor drove you home, telling you to rest up and make sure to drink lots of fluids. You were surprised to see the lights on in your house, when you pulled up, but brushed it off thinking that maybe you’d forgotten to turn them off that morning. 

When you opened the door, however, you were surprised to find Leah, Beth, Viv, and Katie sat on your sofa. 

“Y/n!” Leah exclaimed, standing up quickly and rushing over to give you a hug. “How are you feeling? Thank god you’re okay.” 

“Remember, Lee, don’t crowd her,” Katie said with a grin, but she couldn’t hide the concern on her face. 

“How are you feeling?” Beth asked. “Jonas told us that they said it’s a concussion, but not too bad, right?”

“Uh, yeah,” you said weakly, with a smile. “yeah, I’m okay, mostly. But, um, what are you guys doing here?”

“Oh!” Leah blushed. “Well, we thought someone should be here, so you’re not just home alone, and we all wanted to make sure you were okay- well, the whole team did, obviously, but we thought it’d be better if it was just a few of us so we weren’t crowding you!”

“That’s really thoughtful, thank you,” you said, stomach fluttering at the thought of Leah being so worried about you. “The doctor did say that it’d be better for someone to be here tonight and tomorrow. Sorry, I know it’s our day off, so everyone probably has plans, but-”

“Don’t be silly, y/n!” Leah said quickly, and behind her, Beth and Viv shot each other a knowing look. “We’re all happy to look after you. I can stay, at least tonight.”

“Thank you,” you smiled warmly, before you were hit with a wave of nausea. “Oh, I think I’m going to be sick-” 

You clapped a hand over your mouth as Katie grabbed a bowl they’d put nearby and quickly put it in front of you. Leah held your hair back and rubbed a hand on your back as you threw up, and you grimaced.

“Ugh, ‘m sorry, that was gross,” you said weakly. 

“Here, have some water,” Viv said, holding a glass. You took it gratefully as Katie stood up. 

“I’m sorry, chick, I’m going to have to head out,” she said apologetically, looking slightly queasy herself. “You know I can’t handle sick. But I’ll come round tomorrow to check on ya, with some of the other girls?”

You nodded, feeling your head start to pound. “No worries, thank you for being here. I’m starting to feel pretty tired, actually, and my head is killing me, so I think I might just go to sleep.”

Beth and Viv stood up as well, both hugging you before saying their goodbyes. And then it was just you and Leah. 

“Hey, um, what actually happened, on the pitch?” you asked her. “I don’t really remember much. The doctor said that’s normal, but it’s weird, not being able to remember.”

“Well, it was the 39th minute, I think,” she began, frowning, and you couldn’t help but smile at the fact that she even knew the exact minute. “You were running for the ball, and you went to header it, but that big defender from the other team was going for it too and their head hit yours. Then, well, you just… fell to the ground.”

“Oh,” you said quietly. “Was the other player okay?”

“She was bleeding a bit, a cut on their head, but she was fine other than that.”

“That’s good. I’m… sorry,” you told her, and she looked confused.

“Sorry for what?” 

“For not paying more attention. I should have seen the other player-” you started, and she cut you off with a vehement shake of her head.

“Absolutely not, y/n, don’t apologise. You didn’t do anything wrong, okay?” she said.

You nodded, still feeling somewhat guilty, but too tired to argue. Leah chuckled as you let out a big yawn. “Bed?” she asked. “For you, I mean. I’ll sleep on the sofa.”

“What? Don’t be silly,” you told her, ignoring the butterflies in your stomach. “There’s plenty of space in my bed.”

“Okay,” she smiled. “Right then, sleepy head. Did the doctor say anything about sleeping, or anything we should watch out for?”

“Um, just that it’s important that I rest a lot, I think,” you frowned, suddenly not sure. “I don’t really remember. Oh, I think she gave me some paper with information on it.”

You found the info sheet in your bag and showed it to Leah, who read through it quickly, nodding. “Well, let’s get you to bed.”

It wasn’t the first time you and the captain had shared a bed. After all, the team was like a family, people sharing beds all the time when you went away or slept over at someone’s house. Still, if you weren’t so tired, you probably would have been more nervous about the idea of sleeping so close to Leah, who you’d been harbouring a crush on for a while now. As it was, you fell asleep fairly quickly, exhausted from the day’s excitement. Leah however, still worried about you, laid awake for a while, thoughts racing. She listened to your slow, steady breathing as she scrolled on her phone, first googling ‘recovery from concussion’ and ‘what to do when someone has a concussion’, despite the fact that she knew full well what the recovery for a concussion looked like from having had one herself just a couple years before. Still, she couldn’t stop thinking about you.

“Lee?” you groaned, rolling over in bed as the sun shone through your curtains. “What’re you doing here? Fuck, it’s so bright. Ugh, my head.”

“Oops, yeah,” she said, quickly closing the curtains a little more and dimming the bright morning light. Smiling at you, she sat back down on an armchair in your bedroom, her laptop balanced on the armrest. “Sorry about that, I forgot. Anyway, morning sleepyhead! I slept over, remember? To keep an eye on you.”

“Oh, yeah, right” you mumbled, pressing a hand to the side of your head and wincing in pain. 

“Here,” Leah said, jumping up and picking up a glass of water and some pain medicine she’d put on the bedside table. “Take this, it should help your head.”

You nodded, taking it from her gratefully. 

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“M’ head hurts. And I feel a bit weird. Head feels fuzzy,” you said, before sitting up. “Wait, what day is it? Do we have training? We’re going to be late!” 

You stood up quickly, grabbing onto the bedpost as your head started swimming. 

“Woah there!” she put her hands on your shoulders, gently pushing you back onto the bed. “Today is Monday, we don’t have training, remember? We played yesterday.”

“Oh, yeah,” you say, frowning. “I forgot.”

“That’s okay,” she told you. “It’s normal to be a bit confused after a concussion. My brain felt so fuzzy after mine.”

You nodded. “Yeah, fuzzy is a good word to describe it. Wait, you were here when I got home, right? How did you get in?” 

“I have a key, remember?” she said with a laugh. You’d given her a copy of your key at some point after you started hanging out more outside of training. It came in handy when you forgot your own key, which happened more often than you’d like to admit. “Speaking of, some of the girls are going to come over later, if that’s okay? Or do you want to rest a bit more?”

“Um, I think I'll rest more for now, but it’d be nice to see them later?” you asked, still feeling tired despite having slept in.

“Of course,” Leah said, smiling warmly. “Do you want me to stay? I don’t mind, but I can come back later too, if you want? Or, I mean, I don’t have to come back at all, if you’re sick of me already.” she teased, her voice confident but a hint of worry behind her voice. 

“Oh, if you have something you have to do, that’s okay, you can leave,” you told her, feeling guilty that she was spending her day off looking after you. 

“I don’t have anything to do!” she quickly said. “But, I might do some shopping? I had a look in the kitchen last night and honestly, y/n, I don’t know how you survive. All you had in was some milk, a half empty jar of pesto, and some bread.”

“Oops,” you smiled lazily, the pain medicine starting to kick in. You couldn’t remember what the doctor said it was exactly, but it was strong. “I’ll be okay whilst you go shopping, Lee. I can handle myself!”

She raised an eyebrow at you and laughed. “Yeah, okay hun. Look, I’ll be back in half an hour, an hour tops, okay?”

----

True to her word, 45 minutes later the front door opened. You had slowly made your way over to the sofa after she left, planning on putting some TV on but had ended up falling asleep. Your eyes opened to the sound of the key in the lock, and when Leah came through the door carrying multiple shopping bags you smiled widely.

“LeeLee!!” you beamed, rubbing your eyes sleepily. Oh yeah, the pain meds had definitely kicked in. 

“I see the pain meds have kicked in,” she said with a grin, and you gasped.

“OMG, that’s what I just said! Well, in my head. Said in my head. Ha, that rhymes,” you chuckled to yourself, before getting distracted by how many bags Leah was carrying. It was at least three. 

She laughed. “Is that right?”

You nodded seriously, sitting up. “Yep. Anyway, look at all those bags! You must have bought soo much. And you’re carrying it all! You’re so strong,” you swooned, and her cheeks had a slight pink tinge to them.

“Wow, those pain meds must be strong. They’ve turned you into a right little loopy Lou,” she said as she carried the shopping through to the kitchen.

“Loopy Lou, loopy Lou,” you repeated quietly a few times. “Huh. That’s fun to say.”

“How are you feeling?” Leah asked as she came back, sitting down next to you on the sofa.

“Good,” you said, drawing out the word. 

“Any nausea, any pain?” 

“Hmm, nope! Actually, head hurts a bit. Right here,” you said, poking the lump on the side of your head. “Ow.”

“Yeah, that’d be where you knocked heads,” she said, carefully brushing your hand away from the sizeable lump, and you blushed when her fingers touched yours.

“You’re so pretty, Lee,” you sighed, a dopey smile on your face, and Leah let out a surprised laugh. “And your hands are so nice.”

She raised an eyebrow, curious to hear what else you had to say, but not wanting to push it. “Is that right?” she asked, her voice light. 

“Yup,” you nodded, trying to make your face look more serious, but you got the feeling that it wasn’t working. “So pretty.”

“Okay, y/n,” she laughed, but the flush on her cheeks was undeniable. 

“You’re blushing!” you exclaimed gleefully, poking her dimple with an outstretched finger. “You’re so cute!”

She batted your hand away playfully, still blushing. “Yeah, yeah. You’re the cute one,” she said, not looking directly at you, like she was scared of your reaction. 

“Me?” you gasped dramatically. “You think I’m cute?” 

“Sure do,” she looked back at you and smiled, a hint of relief in her eyes. “But I’m guessing you won’t remember any of this by tomorrow.”

“Oh,” you pouted. “But I like that you think I’m cute.” 

“You do?” 

“Yeah!” you nodded emphatically, then stopped quickly, wincing at the throbbing in your head. “Oof, ouch. That was a bad idea. Can I have some more pain meds?”

“Uh, yeah, I’ll get them,” Leah said, standing up. Despite her excitement at learning that apparently you felt the same way she did, she felt a twinge of guilt, a voice in the back of her mind telling her that she was taking advantage of the state that you were in. 

“Thanks, LeeLee!” you beamed when she brought you some meds and a glass of water. “You’re the best.”

“Haha, yeah,” she said, shuffling awkwardly. “Um, look, y/n, I’m going to go, if that’s okay? Katie and some of the others will come over in a bit to check on you.”

“Oh, okay,” you said, frowning, and within a few minutes Leah had packed her things and left. 

---------

A week later you were almost back to normal. Your head still hurt a little occasionally, and you preferred to wear sunglasses when up and about, still a little sensitive to bright lights, but the lump on the side of your head had almost disappeared. You’d spent the week recovering at home, Leah by your side for the first day and girls from the team coming by after training every day since. Leah had pulled back somewhat after that first day, and you weren’t really sure why, though you had the feeling that maybe you’d said something stupid when you were on the particularly strong pain meds you’d been given.  

You’d been instructed to come back to the training grounds so that the team doctor could give you a check up and you were looking forward to being back, even if you weren’t officially back yet. You were also hoping to see Leah. The checkup didn’t take long, the doctor declaring that you could come back and slowly start training again the next day, but to take the rest of the day off. You didn’t see any of your teammates on your way to the doctor’s office, and figured that they were outside on the training pitch, which was fair enough, but you were still a little disappointed. 

You left the doctors office and started to make your way to the car park, when the door to one of the changing rooms opened and someone came out, almost knocking into you. 

“Shit, sorr-,” they said, holding out a hand to steady you, when you both looked up at the same time. “Y/n! Hi!”

“Hey,” you said softly, looking at Leah. You still felt like things were weird, but you didn’t know why. 

“Did you just have your checkup? What did they say?” she asked, and whilst her excitement at seeing you felt genuine, you couldn’t shake the sensation that something was off. 

“Oh, that I’m looking good!” you told her, debating whether or not to say anything. “Yeah, they said I can come back tomorrow. Not, like, full steam ahead, obviously, but I can slowly start training again.”

“That’s great!” she said, and then bit her lip. “Um, I should probably get going.”

“Wait-” you started as she began to turn away, and she looked at you with wide eyes. “I, um, did something happen? Did I do something? I feel like you’re upset with me, or not upset but, I don’t know. Something seems wrong.”

“I’m not upset with you,” she frowned.

“Then what’s going on? Please, talk to me, Leah,” you asked, your stomach tying itself in knots.

She sighed. “Do you remember much from Monday?”

“Not really, I guess. I vaguely remember you being there, and then some of the girls being there, but that’s kind of it,” you said, and knocked on the side of your head, smiling wryly. “A concussion and strong-ass painkillers will do that to you.”

She let out a forced laugh and you felt your stomach churn. Oh god, had you embarrassed yourself by telling her about your crush? “Why, did something happen? Did I say something?”

“Kind of,” she said, not meeting your eyes. She thought about lying but had a feeling that you’d know if she did. “You, uh, called me pretty. A few times. And cute. And, um, said that I had nice hands.”

“Oh,” you said in a whisper, desperately fighting the urge to run and hide. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no!” she interjected. “Shit, sorry, no, that’s not what I, uh. No, please don’t apologise. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

You frowned in confusion. “What do you mean? Why have you been avoiding me then?”

“It’s my fault,” she started, and sighed again. “Look, I said some stuff back, okay? And it wasn’t professional or even just okay of me to do that, whilst you were in the state you were in.”

“What kind of stuff?”

“I, well, I might have said that you were the cute one.”

“Okay…,” you said slowly, waiting for the rest. When nothing came, you let out a laugh. “Wait, that’s it? You’ve been avoiding me because I told you I think you’re cute, and you said it back?”

She shuffled her feet, looking down. “Well, I didn’t want to be taking advantage of you!” she protested, and you couldn’t help but smile.

“I hardly think that counts as taking advantage of me,” you lightly countered, stepping closer to her, emboldened by her confession. “So, you think I’m cute, huh?”

“So, you think I’m pretty, and cute, and have nice hands, huh?” Leah retorted, the guilt and worry she had been feeling fading away.

“Sure do, Williamson,” you smirked, taking another step towards her, figuring that you’d already told her once so you might as well admit to it. Now you were only a few inches away from her, and as you glanced at her lips and back up to her eyes, she reached up a hand to cup your cheek. Leaning forward, she placed a soft kiss against your lips, and you tried very hard to ignore the way your stomach felt like it was flipping, focusing on the way her lips felt against yours, something you’d spent so long imagining. 

“You know,” she said as she broke away, smiling teasingly. “Last week you kept calling me LeeLee, not Williamson.”

[littlesparklight]

So, right - Helen's regret and her active language in the Iliad is very important to me. She doesn't just regret (the war, the deaths, Paris) but considers herself reprehensible, responsible for the actions she took that led her to Troy.

(And her regret and self-blame are of course certainly important to the Helen of the Iliad, making her presentation a more complex character than it might otherwise have been.)

Now, then - yes, I do lean into all the sources that say she left, because of desire, for Paris. Being the lover, not the beloved, the subject, not the object, for whatever that matters outside of her and Paris.

BUT, too, there is the potential for Helen's desire for kleos being a(nother) reason she left with Paris.

There's one version that attributes the reason for the war to Zeus wishing to give his (only) mortal daughter fame and honour in the only way a woman might, when it comes to war. By being the fought-for "object", worthy of such a struggle because of her divine-like beauty, like the old men on the wall say in the Iliad.

(And while I prefer the cosmic reasons of needing to reduce the population, to end the heroic era, etc, that doesn't preclude other reasons. Zeus can need some way to do those things, and want to give Helen kleos like/as close to as what (some of*) his sons have gotten in their own lifetimes. *We have to consider that many of not just Zeus' sons, but other gods, too, were only names as founders for settlements and cities; there's a comparatively small amount of demigod heroes who get myths about war or quests or travels, etc. All these others would mostly have their kleos in having founded the settlement which carries their name.)

So, here is Helen, then.

A woman, and a married such. She should have no desires but for her wedded husband (regardless of if he does or does not go to other women). Helen isn't "just" a woman with all the social pressures and restrictions that implies.

She's a demigod, too. The only mortal daughter of Zeus, king of the gods.

If demigod sons like Achilles might be outsize in some way, in his desires, why might not Helen be? And why might not Helen wish to strive for kleos, exactly because she is not "just" a mortal woman, but the offspring of a god? But as a woman Helen can't gain kleos in the same way as a man can. pay no attention to the Amazons (And even a man's kleos will come at the price of blood, of death - of others, if he's lucky. Others always have to pay for such fame and honour.)

So Helen desires - Paris, kleos, things she cannot have as a married woman. She takes them (she would have been forced to go either way, but she can act and claim something of her own by not being forced).

And then, too, she regrets. The pain, the suffering, the deaths; is it worth it, in the end? For her, for everyone else, for her divine ancestry and what of her wants that might come from, because of that, driving her towards more than a woman ever "should" let herself have?

Anyway.

Helen and (her potential desire for) kleos.

[heavenlyvision]

neglectful pairing: bi-han/reader wc: 2.2k warnings: 18+ only, smut, established relationship, grinding, ab riding, (little bit) dirty talk, general filth, (little bit) mean bi-han, afab!reader, no use of y/n or pronouns a/n; i mentioned this offhandedly in the server the other day ages ago and i decided to follow through :D i got a little lazy with it though SORRY MDNI | SMUT UNDER CUT

An idea had struck you, a fun one at that! You just… had no idea how you were going to bring it up to Bi-Han. It’s not as if he would say no, you don’t think anyways, you’re just a little hesitant because he’s so… well, mean isn’t the best way to describe it but you don’t really have a better word for his attitude. Teasing maybe?

That and he’s been especially busy lately, barely giving you time together long enough to have a conversation, let alone be intimate. It’s something that’s been bothering you for a bit now but you have been ignoring. Today is supposed to be a relatively easy day for him though, so you’re hoping you’ll be able to relieve some tension.

He’s busy currently, meeting with Liu Kang at Wu-Shi academy, he brought you along because you had asked, you like seeing everyone here and Liu Kang is someone you’ve grown fond of. Though, you don’t mention that to Bi-Han, he isn’t fond of his situation and you’d rather not upset him by mentioning how you consider the fire God a friend. It’s a little dramatic of him to be so bothered by his standing but you understand that he wants more for himself and the Lin Kuei, you just don’t think it’s such a big deal.

You’re waiting for him in a courtyard, you’re not particularly interested in hearing what they have to speak about today, Bi-Han will probably grumble about it later anyways. Mostly you came for a change of scenery, it’s nice here, you feel a little at peace, a clear head. If you asked Bi-Han he probably wouldn’t feel the same way… you wonder where he feels most at peace.

You jump at the sudden sound of Bi-Han’s voice, “How many times have I told you to pay attention to your surroundings?”

Turning your head, you look back at him, his arms are crossed while he looks down at you from behind the bench you’re sitting on, “It’s fine to zone out a little bit here though…” you look forwards, “I just got a little lost in thought, and it’s not fair to say I don’t pay attention when you’re trained to be silent, how am I ever meant to know you’re there.”

“I wasn’t trying to be stealthy; you need to be more aware,” he grumbles.

You sigh at him, “Don’t scold me when I was having such a nice day.”

“I would have nicer days if I didn’t have to worry about you,” he rounds the bench and sits next to you.

“You’d worry even if I were as competent as you are,” you side-eye him.

He sneers lightly, “I might worry less.”

“You need to lighten up more, I like it here,” you lean back against the bench and smile easily at him. He doesn’t speak, just continues to scowl, so you add, “I was wondering where you feel most at peace.”

“Next to you,” he says it simply like it isn’t the sweetest thing you’ve been told, his expression neutral. You don’t even get to process it properly before he moves on, “We’re going home now,” and just like that, he’s standing up and waiting for you to do the same.

“You’re feeling cute today,” you observe as you stand and tip your head onto his shoulder for a moment.

He shoots back, “I’ll show you cute when we get home.”

“Ah and just like that… you ruined it,” you shake your head like you’re disappointed.

He hums at you, knowing better.

⋆⁺₊❅.

Sadly, Bi-Han got dragged off as soon as you got home, right as you were looking forward to his suggestive promise. You also haven’t forgotten what you wanted to try but now you’re sat in your shared bed, hours later, with your arms crossed, face scrunched in annoyance at how needed he seems to be.

Who cares that he’s the grandmaster? First and foremost, he is your partner and he had implied sex when you got home, only to have ‘duties’ to attend to. How dare he, honestly. The thought to just get yourself off and go to bed early crosses your mind but it wouldn’t be the same.

It’s not until later that he comes back, you’re already tucked in and trying to sleep when he’s pottering around the room getting ready for bed. You ignore him, feeling annoyed with him, not for any good reason really. Just feeling a little neglected today, it’s rare that you get to have him to yourself and his words this afternoon had gotten your hopes up.

The bed dips behind you as he gets under the covers, one of his hands reaching out for you and pulling your back to his front. His breath on your ear, “I know you’re awake.”

Astute bastard, “I’m not.”

He grunts and tugs you closer, “You’re mad at me.”

“No.”

“I wasn’t asking,” he huffs, “I can tell when you’re mad at me.”

“I’m not mad,” he opens his mouth but you speak over him, “I’m annoyed, there is a difference.”

His face nuzzles into your neck, words murmured into your skin, “Why are you annoyed?”

“You know why,” you sigh at him, “It feels like we never get much time together anymore.”

Without missing a beat, he asks, “Is this because you’re sexually frustrated?”

You almost choke, feeling personally targeted, “I am not sexually frustrated.”

“So, you don’t want me to make you cum right now?” His hand moves from your hip and travels to your front, large and splayed out against your stomach. Slowly inching lower and lower, fingertips just slipping into your pyjama pants.

“This won’t make me forget that I’m annoyed at you–” your breath hitches as his hand slips lower, deftly dipping under the waist band of your panties.

He affirms, “’Course not.” His fingers glide through your folds, he groans at the slick coating them, his mind very quickly wandering away from the conversation you were just having, “You sure you’re not sexually frustrated?”

“Shut –hah– up,” you’re struggling with words, having not been touched by him like this in a while. You’re trying to angle your hips just right but he’s purposefully avoiding the place you want him most.

He hums from behind you, “I’ve been awful neglectful…” Pressing a delicate kiss to your cheek, “…I’ll make up for it right now.”

Suddenly, you remember what had been on your mind, gasping out, “Wait, fuck– wait.”

His hand stills on you immediately, fingers holding still over your pulsing clit, it has you whimpering pathetically. It must be taking you too long to explain why you stopped him because he pulls his hand back and delivers a swift slap to your pussy. It jolts you, biting back another whine.

“Fuck– I just need a moment to think,” you’re struggling to remember yourself, already so embarrassingly worked up.

Looking over you, he speaks, “Have I really been that negligent?”

Frowning, you remove his hand from you and nudge him onto his back. Shuffling yourself so you’re straddling him, “I had plans, you know? Something new.”

His eyebrow quirks at you, “Oh?”

“I wanted to ride–”

“–Well, that’s hardly new.”

Glaring at him, you finish, “I didn’t say what I wanted to ride.”

That piques his interest, “Where?”

Reaching your hand out, you rest it over his stomach, or more accurately, his abs. Feeling shy as you imply your intentions, too embarrassed to admit what you want out loud. Looking away from the smug expression etching its way onto his features, you could do without the teasing.

Seemingly sensing your hesitance, he takes mercy on you – or maybe pity – tone not teasing as he says, “Alright, undress for me then.”

Taking the opening, you get off the bed to undress properly, returning to Bi-Han – now shirtless – waiting for you. All too eager to satisfy you this way, suddenly aware of how desperate he is to see you get off on him, literally.

Straddling him again, you hover your core over his abs, tentative in your approach. Pulling back at the last second to voice concern to Bi-Han, wondering if he’s okay with this, if you should be careful but he’s not interested and his hands grab your hips harshly, tugging you to just sit on him.

The slick of your pussy pooling on him, wet and hot and numbing his brain. Had it really been that long since he got to have you? How long has it been? He was semi-joking about you being sexually frustrated but as you sit on his abs and squirm, leaking, hot and so fucking obscene on him, he can’t help but feel guilty at the realisation of how needy you are for any form of friction.

He doesn’t realise he’s holding you still so firmly until you call his name weakly, pleading with him to let you move, needing the pleasure it will bring.

“Fuck– Go on,” he mumbles, nearly apologising as his grip loosens on you.

Immediately, you’re rutting down onto his abs, careful in how you move but less tentative. Feeling so good as your cunt drags over the ridges of his abs, clit grinding into him, hole clenching around nothing. Been so desperate for too long and now you get to rub all over him, slick coating his skin, leaving behind a wet sheen.

Your hands dig into his pecs, nails probably leaving behind little crescent marks, and if you draw blood or pierce skin then Bi-Han doesn’t give anything away. Too focused on your sloppy pussy fluttering on his muscles to take any notice. Obsessed with the little noises you’re letting out and the scrunched-up expression you’re wearing.

It’s sticky and obscene, making you somewhat self-conscious even as you continue to ride him like this. When you start slowing down, his hands grip you again, aiding you, dragging you back and forth.

His abs tense under you and your arms falter slightly, like they might give in, mouth dropping open with a moan. Eyes hazy as you look at him, his own eyes all blown out and locked onto where you’re rutting down into him.

Bi-Han’s own desperation is clawing up his spine as he watches you intently, realising now just how much he’s missed you. His large hands gripping your thighs firmly, marks will probably be left behind from where his bruising grip has been. Something he doesn’t mind at all.

His cock twitches at the way you’re panting, eyes soft and dazed as you continue to rub your cunt all over him. Thinking to himself that if he were any lesser of a man, he might’ve already blown his load from watching you.

It feels good, almost too good, so much friction, his hands holding you and helping you along. He’s usually so verbal in bed but suddenly lost for words and too focused on just watching. Your hips are starting to stutter, pace jerky as you get closer and closer, mostly being helped along by Bi-Han now.

The pace you had set now becoming difficult to keep up with, “Bi-Han–”

“Keep going, doing so fucking good for me,” his words are rushed, wanting to see you finish like this, needing you to cum like this.

“I don’t know if I can–”

“–Shh no, you can, already are,” his words are soft, a complete contrast to how he’s holding and moving you. Almost like you’re a doll to him, manhandling you until you cum for him.

Your nails dig harshly into his skin as your orgasm suddenly wracks through your body, cum pooling on his skin, smearing as he continues to grind you down into him. Not stopping even as you struggle to move, orgasm seizing your muscles slightly. Only really able to moan and paw at his skin.

He’s cursing under his breath, something you’re not entirely conscious of. Huffing and trying to catch your breath. Whining at him, trying to convey that he’s overstimulating you. He understands and stops, letting you sit on him, hands only resting against you instead of tightly holding and manoeuvring.

When he does move you, he’s only pushing you further down his body, wanting to see the mess you left behind. So incredibly wet and lewd, borderline depraved in the way his fingers move through it. Pulling back and holding them up, shining from the minimal light in the room.

It’s debauched and embarrassing and as you go to say as much, he slips those fingers into your open mouth. Pushing down on your tongue, forcing you to be quiet.

“Perfect, did a perfect job for me…” his fingers push back more, making you drool slightly, spit slipping from the corners of your mouth as you take his fingers, “…Always so messy, and I mean that as a compliment.”

Your heart stutters in your chest, his compliments always so crude but effective nonetheless. He pulls his hand pack, watching your lips suck as his fingers leave your mouth, wiping them on the inside of your thigh.

His eyes are sharp when he looks at your fucked out expression, “We’re not done.”

PLAGIARISM NOT CONDONED | REPOSTS NOT AUTHORISED

[theemporium]

Maybe Carlos plus "How do you always know exactly what I need?" "I pay attention." from Violet Fluff? 🫶🏻

thank you for requesting!🫶🏽

3. "How do you always know exactly what I need?" "I pay attention."

.

You had been so wrapped up in the data sheets and graphs on your screen that you didn’t even hear the sound of footsteps approaching.

The last race had been a shit show, to put it lightly. It was a mess for various reasons between problems with the car at the start of the weekend, poor tire management and bad strategy calls that left both Ferrari cars on the outside of the points. It was a rough weekend for everyone and it meant the two weeks before the next race were spent ensuring a repeat wouldn’t happen. 

You had been working with the rest of the engineers to try and identify all the issues with both cars so the mechanics could work on fixing them before the week was up. The issue that came with that is that, in theory, the cars were fine. The numbers looked normal. But the results were showing anything but.

It was frustrating and confusing and it left everyone on edge as the next race weekend grew closer. 

Most of the team had already left for the night but you were so sure you were on the right path, that you were close to figuring something out. You told your superior you wouldn’t be much longer, maybe an hour or so. You told them there was no need for them to wait up for you. 

That had been over three hours ago. 

Now, almost every room in the building was empty minus the office you were working in. Even the lights had mostly been turned off except for the lamp on your desk that was illuminating all your work. You were frazzled and tired and annoying—but you weren’t anywhere near ready to go home yet.

“Tell me you’ve taken a break.” 

You let out a scream of surprise, heart racing in your chest as you turned to find Carlos standing a few feet from your desk with a sheepish expression on his face.

“Sorry, I thought you heard me come in.”

“No, I—fuck,” you pressed your hand against your chest, leaning back against your desk chair as you let out a long breath. “Sorry, I didn’t realise anyone else was still here.” 

“I didn’t want to leave the sim until I got a perfect lap,” he admitted as he began to close the distance between the two of you. “I saw a light still on when I walked past.” 

“You heading out?” You asked, trying to ignore the way his tousled hair made your stomach twist.

“I was,” he corrected before he placed a cup of coffee in front of you. “But I thought you could use some help.” 

You went to say ‘thanks’ as you picked up the coffee, taking a long sip only to quickly fall silent. You stared at the coffee cup, unblinking.

Carlos felt his nerves grow when you didn’t say anything else. “You know, just to get the perspective of the driver to maybe help—”

You turned to the Spaniard with an unreadable expression. “You know how I like my coffee?”

“I–” Carlos flushed but nodded. “Yeah, I do. And I know you were probably gonna stay here for another few hours so I thought it would help.” 

“How do you know exactly what I need?” You asked in a soft voice, though it was mostly rhetoric. You weren’t expecting an answer. 

“I pay attention,” Carlos replied with a soft smile. “And I also know you probably won’t be leaving for a while so–”

You watched as he grabbed a seat from the neighbouring desk, rolling it towards your desk before sitting down with a smile on his face. You raised your eyebrows but he just took a sip of his own coffee cup, determined to stay up with you.

And you found yourself not minding the company.

.

[meownotgood]

cpr. / dan heng x gn!reader, fluff, soft kisses, dan heng teaches you how to do "cpr" (poorly)

I want to teach you the basics of first aid. Come to my room as soon as possible. 

That's it. 

There's no, Would you like to come to my room? or, Learning first aid would be helpful for you, what do you think? Dan Heng is just as to-the-point as the first time you met him, and even though you try to pretend like it gets on your nerves, huffing your complaints to March and texting back an annoyed K, you still find yourself shuffling over to his quiet room on the Astral Express the moment your phone pinged you with the notification. 

You're silently thinking to yourself as you make your way there, rounding the hallway as slow as you can to give yourself a few extra seconds, or possibly to make Dan Heng wait for longer — or maybe it's both. 

Yet despite how much you ponder, even though you've known him for long enough to start understanding him, you can't decide if he's so direct because he's just that way with everyone, or if it's because he knows you'll always listen. 

Upon entering, his cabin looks the same as it always does: books strewn about and left open on important pages, glowing circuitry lining every wall, his bed unmade, pillow askew, blanket balled up in the corner. When you step in and slide the door closed behind you, he doesn't bother to look up from where he's sat cross-legged and hunched over a data screen, he simply pats the floor next to him with his palm and cocks his head to signal you to come sit down. 

"You almost got yourself killed on our trip to Belobog. Multiple times." Dan Heng explains, tone stern and resolute, not exactly rude, just matter-of-fact. Your knees knock his own once you've settled next to him. Your heart stutters a bit at the proximity, but he doesn't seem to mind. While he speaks, his eyes never stop scanning the screen. 

"We'll reach the Luofu soon, and I won't be coming with you. My biggest concern is you not knowing what to do in an emergency." He turns towards you finally, sharp and serious gaze meeting yours. "I'm already not excited about this, but I'd feel better if you let me run you through a few exercises." 

"I'll be alright. Don't worry about me. I know enough. I think." 

Dan Heng stares back with narrowed eyes and with his arms crossed over his chest, unconvinced. 

In a moment, he pushes himself to his feet, walking over to the desk and rooting around its contents, all while completely disregarding your last statement: "I'll lend you a first aid kit. If we start now, I should have enough time to teach you everything you need to know, mostly everything. I'm serious about this, so please try and pay attention. For your own sake." 

Right. That's fine. You can handle it. You're a pretty fast learner, you think. And thankfully, mostly everything consists of things you already sort of knew or techniques that are relatively simple to comprehend. 

Dan Heng walks you through the steps to bandage a wound — He holds your arm gently as he's showing you the proper way to wrap it, pulling on the bandage tightly and then softly, idly rubbing circles onto your skin with his thumb. 

How to treat a fractured bone, what to do if someone is choking — Dan Heng wraps his arms around you and shows you where to place your hands, resting yours on top of his in the center of your stomach. His chest presses flat against your back, his hair tickles the side of your face and you almost miss when he says into your ear, "Shove forcibly right here, and keep going until… Are you listening?" 

"Yes," You answer. "Er, sort of." You rectify. 

Dan Heng expels a heavy sigh. Right then, you half expect him to give up and kick you out, but instead he holds your shoulder and shifts back, he mutters a barely audible C'mere and guides you to rest your head squarely in his lap, leaving you laying down and peering up at him. 

He admits honestly, "I'm worried about you. If something were to happen to you there, I mean I trust everyone to look after you, but…" 

It isn't like him to trail off. "But what?" 

"But you need to know how to take care of yourself."

Shifting his hand underneath you, he props your head up further with his arm, the metal of his bracer firm on the back of your head. "For now, I'll teach you how to perform CPR. Pay attention to what I do. After this, we'll be done." 

The room's silence seems to stretch on. The endless hum from the systems and analyzers echoes in your ears, your heart pounds in them even louder. Dan Heng brushes his nimble fingers over your chest, right between your ribs, as his eyes scan your face they start to take on a certain sort of softness. 

He composes himself with a sharp breath out, a deep breath in. And then, he's leaning close, too close, gripping your chin deft between his thumb and forefinger, tilting it upwards. You watch his eyes flutter shut and you follow his lead. 

Your heart continues to thump so hard you're certain he can feel it: once, twice. Warm lips brush your own, clearly hesitant, and it's nothing like the straightforwardness you've always been used to getting out of him. No, Dan Heng seems nervous this time, and as he connects with you in an open-mouthed kiss, his hands getting sweaty, warmth pooling in his chest, he can't help his mind from becoming a total mess. 

He isn't thinking all of the sudden, isn't considering any of the consequences, like he's always tried to do. Your lips are on his, he didn't lock the door; he nearly forgets to breathe a steady puff of air into your mouth once the tingling feeling and the heat rising to his cheeks commands all of his attention. 

Almost as quickly as he leaned in, he's forcing himself to tear away from you, his eyes opening slowly, his expression completely unreadable. 

"It's self-explanatory." He reasons, sure of himself, but you swear his voice sounds quieter than it did before. Any louder and he'd trip over his own words, "You got it, or do you need another demonstration?"

"Show me one more time. Just in case." 

If anything were to happen to you, if you died and he wasn't there… 

And once more, Dan Heng is closing the distance, this time briefly reaching up to brush a few strands of stray hair away from his eyes before tilting his head and pulling you closer. 

He's gained a bit more confidence, and he kisses you hard, stops for a moment, caresses your jaw with his fingers and meshes his lips with yours to kiss you again — and you can't help yourself from reaching up, settling your arms around his shoulders to tug him in as close as you can get him. And he lets you. 

You'll be fine, won't you? He isn't sure, and he hates that he isn't sure. 

He'll have to ask you to promise him. 

You freeze, and he pulls away, only by a couple of centimeters, enough to breathe but to still feel his breath fan over your skin when he exhales. He's blushing fully now, you sigh his name against his mouth and it's the sweetest sound he's ever heard; he shivers all the way from his neck to the base of his spine. 

His head goes fuzzy, his heart throbs and twists like a burning star — God, he doesn't know what to say. His thoughts were moving a mile a minute, but the more he stares down at you, the longer you hold his gaze and let the seconds revolve around and around, he starts to forget it all. 

Dan Heng swallows the thickness forming in his throat, and he's about to force himself to say something when you suddenly start speaking instead. 

"You're doing it wrong, you know." 

"Huh?" 

Your head tilts. "Come on, there's no way you're that horrible, right? If you wanted to kiss me before I went, you could have just said so." 

And Dan Heng, ever-so direct, always so composed, feels his lips start to quiver and somehow can't manage a response to that. 

[oinonsana]

realities, maximalism,and the need for big book™️

some gubat banwa design thoughts vomit: since the beginning of its development i've kind of been enraptured with trying to really go for "fiction-first" storytelling because PbtA games really are peak roleplaying for me, but as i wrote and realized that a lot of "fiction first" doesn't work without a proper sort of fictional foundation that everyone agrees on. this is good: this is why there are grounding principles, genre pillars, and other such things in many PbtA games--to guide that.

broken worlds is one of my favs bc of sheer vibes

Gubat Banwa didn't have much in that sense: sure, I use wuxia and xianxia as kind of guideposts, but they're not foundational, they're not pillars of the kind of fiction Gubat Banwa wants to raise up. there wasn't a lot in the sense of genre emulation or in the sense of grounding principles because so much of Gubat Banwa is built on stuff most TTRPG players haven't heard about. hell, it's stuff squirreled away in still being researched academic and anthropological circles, and thanks to the violence of colonialism, even fellow filipinos and seasians don't know about them

this is what brought me back to my ancient hyperfixations, the worlds of Exalted, Glorantha, Artesia, Fading Suns... all of them have these huge tomes of books that existed to put down this vast sprawling fantasy world, right? on top of that are the D&D campaign settings, the Dark Suns and the Eberrons. they were preoccupied in putting down setting, giving ways for people to interact with the world, and making the world alive as much as possible.

one of my main problems with gubat banwa was trying to convey this world that i've seen, glimpsed, dreamed of. this martial fantasy world of rajas and lakans, sailendras and tuns, satariyas and senapatis and panglimas and laksamanas and pandai... its a world that didn't really exist yet, and most references are steeped in either nationalism or lack of resources (slowly changing, now)

i didn't want to fall back into the whole gazeteer tourist kind of shit when it came to writing GB, but it necessitated that the primary guidelines of Gubat Banwa were set down. my approach to it was trying to instill every aspect of the text, from the systems to the fluff text to the way i wrote to the way things were phrased, with the essence of this world i'm trying to put forward. while i wrote GB mainly for me and fellow SEAsian people, economically my main market were those in the first world countries that could afford to buy the book. grokking the book was always going to be severely difficult for someone that didn't have similar cultures, or are uninterested in the complexities of human culture. thus why GB had to be a big book.

in contemporary indie ttrpg spaces (where I mostly float in, though i must admit i pay more attention to SEAsia spaces than the usual US spaces) the common opinion is that big books like Exalted 3e are old hat, or are somewhat inferior to games that can cram their text into short books. i used to be part of that camp--in capitalism, i never have enough time, after all. however, the books that do go big, that have no choice to go big, like Lancer RPG, Runequest, Mage, Exalted are usually the ones that have something really big it needs to tell you, and they might be able to perform the same amount of text-efficient bursting at the seams flavor writing but its still not enough.

thats what happened to GB, which I wanted to be, essentially, a PbtA+4e kind of experience, mechanically speaking. i very soon abandoned those titles when i delved deeper into research, incorporated actual 15th century divination tools in the mechanics, injected everything with Martial Arts flavor as we found our niche

all of this preamble to say that no matter how light i wanted to go with the game, i couldnt go too light or else people won't get it, or i might end up writing 1000 page long tome books explaining every detail of the setting so people get it right. this is why i went heavy on the vibes: its a ttrpg after all. its never gonna be finished.

i couldnt go too light because Gubat Banwa inherently exists on a different reality. think: to many 3 meals a day is the norm and the reality. you have to eat 3 meals a day to function properly. but this might just be a cultural norm of the majority culture, eventually co opted by capitalism to make it so that it can keep selling you things that are "breakfast food" or "dinner food" and whatnot. so its reality to some, while its not reality to others. of course, a lot of this reality-talk pertains mostly to social--there is often a singular shared physical reality we can usually experience*

Gubat Banwa has a different fabric of reality. it inherently has a different flow of things. water doesn't go down because of gravity, but because of the gods that make it move, for example. bad things happen to you because you weren't pious or you didn't do your rituals enough and now your whole community has to suffer. atoms aren't a thing in gb, thermodynamics isn't a real thing. the Laws of Gubat Banwa aren't these physical empirical things but these karmic consequent things

much of the fiction-first movement has a sort of "follow your common sense" mood to it. common sense (something also debatable among philosophers but i dont want to get into that) is mostly however tied to our physical and social realities. but GB is a fantasy world that inherently doesn't center those realities, it centers realities found in myth epics and folk tales and the margins of colonized "civilization", where lightnings can be summoned by oils and you will always get lost in the woods because you don't belong there.

so Gubat Banwa does almost triple duty: it must establish the world, it must establish the intended fiction that arises from that world, and then it must grant ways to enforce that fiction to retain immersion--these three are important to GB's game design because I believe that that game--if it is to not be a settler tourist bonanza--must force the player to contend with it and play with it within its own terms and its own rules. for SEAsians, there's not a lot of friction: we lived these terms and rules forever. don't whistle at night on a thursday, don't eat meat on Good Friday, clap your hands thrice after lighting an incense stick, don't make loud noise in the forests. we're born into that [social] reality

this is why fantasy is so important to me, it allows us to imagine a different reality. the reality (most of us) know right now (i say most of us because the reality in the provinces, the mountains, they're kinda different) is inherently informed by capitalist structures. many people that are angry at capitalist structures cannot fathom a world outside capitalist structures, there are even some leftists and communists that approach leftism and revolution through capitalism, which is inherently destructive (its what leads to reactionaries and liberalism after all). fantasy requires that you imagine something outside of right now. in essence read Ursula K Le Guin

i tweeted out recently that you could pretty easily play 15-16th century Luzon or Visayas with an OSR mechanic setting and William Henry Scott's BARANGAY: SIXTEENTH CENTURY PHILIPPINE CULTURE AND SOCIETY, and I think that's purely because barebones OSR mechanics stuff fits well with the raiding and adventuring that many did in 15-16th century Luzon/Visayas, but a lot of the mechanics wont be comign from OSR, but from Barangay, where you learn about the complicated marriage customs, the debt mechanics, the social classes and stratum...

so thats why GB needs to be a (relatively) big book, and why I can contend that some books need to be big as well--even if their mechanics are relatively easy and dont need more than that, the book, the game, might be trying to relay something even more, might be trying to convey something even more than that. artesia, for example, has its advancements inherently tied to its Tarot Cards, enforcing that the Arcana guides your destiny. runquest has its runes magic, mythras (which is kinda generic) has pretty specific kinds of magic systems that immediately inform the setting. this is why everything is informed by something (this is a common Buddhist principle, dependent arising). even the most generic D&D OSR game will have the trappings of the culture and norms of the one that wrote and worked on it. its written from their reality which might not necessarily be the one others experience. that's what lived experience is, after all

*live in the provinces for a while and you'll doubt this too!

[bubbles0bop]

thankyou for taking reqs!!! jjk- any of the jjk men (preferably suguru/toji/satoru) watching their girl best friend who they claim to have no feelings for whatsoever pole dance for the first time and feeling some typa way lol...it doesn't have to be anything too out there...just a little sensual sultry and moody??? way of the househusband-there arent enough content for this fandom :((- miku is pregnant and tatsu is over the moon...he does EVERYTHINGGG for her to make sure she's all comfy and cared for...

A/N: thank you for requesting! i decided it would be best to split this into two parts where the second will be posted on my page immediately after!

JJK Men Seeing their Crush Pole Dance

Includes: Sataru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Toji Fushiguro

Disclaimers: Adult content! some feminine descriptives used, clubs, alcohol, smoking, flirting, sexual scenarios, no smut

Sataru Gojo

You and Sataru had been friends for as long as you could remember, practically connected by the hip since childhood and through your teen years.

Even to this day it was a rarity for your friends to see you two separated. The running joke was that everyone knew you both were practically soul mates. You two were the only ones who didn't see it - Living in a slow pit of denial.

One night, you had invited your best friend over for dinner and a movie (which was an often occurrence between you two), as you both enjoyed some sushi on your living room couch.

Almost reaching halfway through the movie, a thought came to your mind, "you know i've been trying this new type of exercise lately..." You trailed off, mouth full of sushi, honestly struggling to be heard over the sound of the TV.

"Good. You need it," Gojo snickered teasingly. God, for as long as he's known you and he still tried to get on your nerves.

"Yeah, you're one to talk- As if you even have any hobbies.." you retorted with a roll to the eye. He mostly ignored your comeback, waiting for you to continue speaking.

"Well, honestly it's kinda out there but i think you'd get a kick of it."

He raised an eyebrow at you, "What is it, naked yoga or something? You really don't need to show me that," He giggled.

You let out a sigh at his poor attempt at a joke, putting your bowl down on the table next to the couch. You stand, waiting for him to follow your actions. He stuffed one large bite of sushi in his mouth before following you down the hall of your apartment towards the bedroom.

What he saw is something that he really did not expect- a tall black pole was bolted from the ceiling to the floor, and it had one obvious purpose.

You laughed to yourself, "Okay, don't make fun of me yet, it really works. Just watch."

He was absolutely stunned by your words, thinking 'she can't actually be serious right now... is this her way of flirting with me?'

In all honesty-maybe it was.

He quickly figured out how seriously you were, as you reach a leg up high, wrapping your knee around the pole, letting it spin you. You let your arm lose and followed this action by grabbing the pole with your hand again, this time above your leg.

Sataru felt heat envelope his whole body. He just watched you out on a show for him, gazing across your body as it moved.

The heat traveled south.

You, the girl he had known since elementary, was in from of him, preforming some sort of performance as if it was just your every day activity.

Soon enough, you catch his gaze and let your movements cease. Your mind envelopes in worry for all the wrong reasons, thinking you've embarrassed yourself.

You blurt out, "Oh god, that was really bad wasn't it? Honestly, I kind of thought it would make you laugh-" Sataru lets you rant as he watches you step closer to him. He doesn't pay an ounce of attention to your speech, though, as he has different thoughts plaguing his mind.

He lets his intrusive thoughts take over his actions, pulling you by your waist and onto his lap. You're sputtering some words of embarrassment and confusion, but Sataru decides that the best way to ease your mind would be to pull you in with a kiss.

God, he's been waiting for this for a long time...

Geto Suguru

Telling Sugaru that you wanted to try a new profession was basically your downfall. While he fully supported you, you first requested that he not visit you at work, mostly because you were new and VERY embarrassed by your "lack of skill."

Honestly, you should have known from the start that he would never listen to you, and would take any chance to witness you being flustered and embarrassed.

You seeing your best friend waltz into the establishment while you were on shift actually turned your cheeks to a darker shade of red than humanly possible. If anyone were to be mistaken, they could've assumed you were on the brink of heat exhaustion. Thankfully, at the current moment, you were serving drinks to the VIP section when you spotted Suguru waltzing in the club.

He scanned the room, trying to catch a glimpse of you, but you duck your head a little lower as an attempt to avoid his gaze.

You took a quick check of the time before bidding your goodbyes to your guests. It was almost time for your turn on stage.

You could feel yourself start to sweat, not wanting to face the embarrassment of your best friend catching you in this state. Making your way through the crowd of men, you are interrupted by the sound of a whistle from across the room.

"Good luck out there." Suguru spoke loudly (as to be heard over the music of the club) and sent you a wink.

You rushed to the back room, face turning res, as you realize you are now definitely going to have to face this humiliating situation.

Your coworker gestures to you as she makes her way off stage, signaling it's your turn. You grab some accessories (a thin scarf- enough to leave nothing to the imagination) and you head towards the stage in a skimpy, feminine outfit.

You receive a generous round of applause from the crowd as you enter stage. The DJ starts playing some sultry music as you approach the middle of the floor and you catch yourself feeling the music.

You start by teasing the crowd, moving through your regular routine.

You pull the scarf away from your shoulders, sensually, revealing more of your cleavage from underneath. You use your scarf to wrap around the pole, moving your leg upwards in a sexy motion.

Suguru found himself getting heated in the crowd as he watched you. You were enticing to every extent. Honestly, he had never really thought about the way that your body could move until this moment, and it turned him on big time.

Recognizing these thoughts brought him to shame, trying to dismiss them. But damn, did you look good. How could you have been embarrassed when you are obviously graced with talent?

He bit his lip at the realization that his pants were becoming tighter and he knew exactly why.

As for you, you finish your set without a second thought, forgetting for a moment about your friend sitting in the audience. You waved a thankful goodbye to the crowd as they clapped their hands together, shooting off whistles. 

You are making your way back to the main floor when you once again encounter your best friend, who was patiently waiting for you outside the door. The actually almost looked a little angry? Was he.. Jealous?

"Hey, Suguru, uhm, how did you like it..?" You asked while rubbing your shoulders, trying to console your own embarrassment.

He replies, raising his chin up in a flirtatious manner, "Oh, I liked it, alright. Maybe from now on i'll have to make private appointments.."

Toji Fushiguro

Being Tojis coworker meant that he always had his eyes on you. So when you casually mentioned to him that you had gotten a side job at the local club, it definitely caught his attention.

It was his idea to go out on a guys night to the same establishment this weekend- a total coincidence, of course.

Him and the guys walked into the club, instantly dispersing into their own areas of pleasure- a couple to the bar, another, off to the dance floor to flirt with some women- but Toji instantly had his eyes on the stage, hoping to catch a glimpse of you.

Toji really wasn't shy about his attraction to you, so you have a smokin hot body? Nothin' else to it. Just here to give some oh so loving support to his coworker..

A bouncer walked up to where he sat in the lounge, offering him some drinks, effectively starting his tab for the night. He was served a glass of whiskey, carefully gripping the glass in his hand as he started downing the liquor.

It took one or two performers to finally catch a glimpse of you on the stage. You were adorned in black and waltzing out onto the stage to a sultry song. You didn't seem to pay much mind to the crowd, and definitely not noticing your close friend in the audience.

You started your usual routine, wrapping yourself sensually around the pole, soaking in the sea of eyes in you from around the club. Toji took notice of this, letting out a loud whistle, hoping it would catch your attention away from all the other gazes.

Toji took his eyes off of you for only a mere couple of seconds to look around the room. All eyes were on you as your performance had gained the attention of almost all of the patrons, who had previously been occupied with their own pleasures. This made Toji's stomach start to burn with jealously.

He returned his eyes back to you as you finished the end of your set. He stood up, clapping with the rest of the crowd- this did, however, catch your attention as you walked off the stage, giving a polite wave to the club before disappearing off stage.

You felt your cheeks burn and you lowered your gaze to the black floor, which made a small 'click' with each step of your heels. You really haven't had any shame involving your profession until now, but for some reason you couldn't feel anything other than embarrassment.

You knew that the best way to deal with this was to go out into the crowd and find him, maybe to settle your worries.

You slide through the curtain that separated the crowd from the back stage area, to find Toji once again laying back in his seat in the lounge. This time, he held a sweet cigarette to his lips. He takes one last huff as he watches you strut towards him before tossing it to the nearest ash tray.

"So? You couldn't get enough of me at work?" You question slyly. You assumed he has only come here to embarrass you, but the look in his eye makes you think differently.

A low chuckle falls from his lips as he rises to meet your gaze. "I can't say you're wrong, sweetheart. But that show you gave was more than enough..." His voice was deep and he punctuated his words by laying a seductive hand to your waist. You could tell that he was tipsy but that didn't stop your cheeks from burning at his flirtatious actions. "How about we leave these losers to gawk and catch a room of our own?"

He didn't exactly leave you room to argue as he started pulling your wrist to the nearest exit, not that you really cared to protest anyway.



[honkytonk-hangman]

Line of Sight [4]

JAKE ‘HANGMAN’ SERESIN X READER

Summary: In which everyone's worst nightmare is realised, and Jake's girlfriend isn't actually the reasonable one at all. She's actually just as bad. There's a reason she's with him, after all. or Penny bollocks you over your petty antics with Jake during a volleyball game, but you're too busy enjoying being the only thing on Jake Seresin's radar (on the ground, anyway).

Warnings: fluff, mentions of jakes clealry very healthy mental health that is in no way compromised or flawed and he defintiely wont be needing therapy. thats mostly a joke, this chapter is all fluff :P

Notes: Its done!!! thanks so much for readin this little series and sticking with it <3 I hope this is a nice little happy ever after for these two <3

MASTERLIST

“It's impolite to stare.” Jake scolds, not even bothering to look away from where he prepares to land his third bullseye in as many minutes. For your part, you don’t bother to stop staring as he at last throws his dart, earning a mix of impressed cheers and annoyed groans. You’re still watching him when he turns to you, ignoring the others as they clap him on the back or try to goad him into another game. Instead he steps in toward you, collecting his beer and taking a swig, now just as focused on you as you are on him.

“Say, you’re pretty good at this darts thing,” you ignore his prior commentary and instead shift your weight to pop your hip out. Jake takes another swig, raising an eyebrow, but shrugging all the same. “Maybe you could teach me a thing or two.” You bat your eyelashes innocently, earning an amused look from the blond.

“Who am I to refuse helping a lady out?”

Before you can even really respond, Jake has stepped around you, one hand trailing down your side and to your hip, the other curling around your elbow as he guides you the few steps over to the dart board. Just as ever when you do this routine, Jake is pressed right up behind you, and just as ever, he pays no real attention to teaching you a thing at all, instead simply using you as a vessel to show off once again. He knows you love it, and you do, your body growing warmer with every bullseye he lands, his hand at your waist gripping tighter when you snuggle further back into him. He squeezes you a little in warning when you wiggle your hips again, but when you glance up to shoot him your best innocent look, you find him grinning down at you with only trace amounts of smugness present.

“Gee, you really are good at this,” you tease, speaking softer now so only he can hear. Playfulness seems to leave his smile entirely then, and he leans in, hand tracing up from your arm to your chin, where he directs you to a much better angle for kissing. It’s only a quick kiss, but you can’t help but laugh a little at the way your little show melts Hangman right down to the Jake at his core. You bounce up to peck the corner of his mouth as he begins to pull back, aware of the crowded bar around you, and neither of you wanting to be that couple (although, you definitely were that couple, Phoenix has reliably informed you), but you weren’t willing to let him go so quick.

Jake chuckles at your display of clear affection, and even all these months later, you know it’s still something he’s getting used to. It saddens you sometimes, how he was so easy to give affection, but in many ways never seemed to expect it back. It makes you think of the year and then some that he practically ignored you, for what he thought was your own good, working off of the assumption that should you talk, you simply wouldn’t like him.

He was dead wrong of course, you had grown to like him without him ever saying a word to you, and once he did, your interactions only served to confirm the feelings you had. Jake’s soft little surprise anytime you plainly and clearly expressed your interest in him or what he believed to be his various character flaws quickly grew to be one of your favourite things about him, and you loved taking the time to complement or fawn over him at any given opportunity, to big him up in a way that you can.

You place one last kiss to the underside of his jaw as he straightens fully again, and you both become aware of the discussion of a pool competition. Still with his hands firm on your hips, he turns his head long enough to invite himself to the game.

“Duh.” Javy replies with a smile and a half-hearted roll of his eyes. Phoenix’s eye roll isn’t nearly as subtle, but her smile is.

“I’ll get you another drink,” you say softly, reluctantly extracting yourself from him. Jake seems to hesitate for a moment, eyes flickering between you and Dagger before you reach out and give his chest a light shove. “Go on, win for me, Hangman.” You have to suppress a giggle when his chest seems to puff out. A wide smirk pulls across his face, and he gives you a little nod. You loved how seriously he took these sorts of things.

“Careful what you wish for, baby, don’t want to get too competitive about a friendly pool game just to make you happy,”

“That is like the most romantic threat anyone’s ever given me!” you exclaim with a mostly genuine dreaminess. You yelp as you turn around, as the moment you have your back to him, Jake delivers a light swat to your backside. You fix him with faux-disapproval and flick your hair hastily in a way you know he finds extremely sexy.

“Careful there, Hangman,” you call in a sing-song manner, all the while he continues to smirk at you in a way that some may consider ‘infuriating’ (Review courtesy of Phoenix) or ‘annoying as fuck, man! Blink!’ (Feedback provided by Coyote). “Penny’ll have you thrown out for that sort of thing…'' you say with sickening amounts of fake innocence, batting your eyelashes at him, as he non-verbally calls your bluff, his smirk widening and his chin lifting as if to say ‘go on, then, do it.’.

You don't bother pretending you can win that sort of battle with him, especially not while you’re still clothed, so you flick your hair even more aggressively this time, and begin making your way toward the bar, swaying your hips dramatically for the sole benefit of the seaglass-green eyes that you know will follow you until you reach your destination.

You manage to find your way to the front of the drinks queues fairly quickly, and push yourself up and into the empty seat at the end of the bar. You’re in kind of a blind spot here, you’re more than familiar with the Hard Deck by now to know if you were anyone else, part of any other group, you’d be seriously worried about you chances of actually ordering, but all things considered, you aren’t anybody else, and you just so happen to be a part of the owner’s husband’s little band of merry men.

Penny spies you almost impossibly, and despite the heavy crowds at every other section of the bar, you see her pick up an already cleaned glass, and pretend to wipe it down as she makes her way to where you are, placing the glassware away and hitting you with a blindingly warm smile.

“If it isn’t one of my favourite love birds… what can I get for you hon?” Just as Penny finishes her eyes flicker to the place behind you before she frowns and looks back at you in slight confusion. “Where’s your shadow?” She follows up. You give her a little laugh and roll your eyes, gesturing the general direction of the pool table.

“He’s about to win some pool for me, although he did debate whether or not to come with me instead for at least seven seconds, so you know, we’re improving on the shadow front.”

Penny laughs loud and joyfully, giving a shake of her head at nothing in particular.

“If it weren’t so sickeningly sweet, I’d say good for him, but to be honest, at least I know he’s not going to get into that much trouble when he’s with you,” she says with the sort of wry knowingness one is only allowed to use when married to Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell. You raise an eyebrow and cock your head.

“Why does everyone always assume I’m keeping him out of trouble?” you wonder aimlessly, knowing Penny wasn’t one of those people, and in this rare context, she was also correct about keeping Jake from trouble.

Penny shrugs.

“You and Jake are just about the most perfectly matched duo I’ve seen in a while, but I think you hide your assholery better than he does,” Penny tells you with a laugh. You pout at her.

“You think I have assholery?!” you ask, faux-offended. Penny reaches across the bar to give you a light smack, rolling her eyes at you as she does.

“I saw you at the beach party last weekend, egging that man of yours on to humiliate your poor new friends,”

The memory brings an immediate smile to your face and you let out an involuntary bark of laughter.

“Oh my god, but that guy was such a douche! God, he had no idea what he was in for, challenging us to volleyball! Idiot,” you snicker only a little evilly thinking about how thoroughly you’d wiped the floor with the small group of beach goers who had wound up joining your party, only for you all to realise too late that they were kind of really annoying.

“Do you know what most mature adults do, what the other mature adults did?” Penny questions like you’re a preschooler. You roll your eyes, again. “They ignore school yard bait and try to make peace.” Penny tells you, which you don’t think sounds like the right answer. She looks at you expectantly, as if she’s waiting for you to concede her point. You make a face.

“Penny, those guys sucked, and they were talking such a big game about their volleyball skills. They didn’t even bring a volleyball with them! It was a netball!” you justify. Penny you can tell is only half telling you off, being a not-so-reformed troublemaker herself these days. “Jake and I play v-ball literally every sunday, we didn’t do anything or humiliate anyone on purpose, all we did was accept the invitation of a game.” you don’t believe a word of what you say, but it does sound almost convincing. If Jake were here he’d give you a supportive nod.

Penny lets out a laugh and shakes her head at you.

“Only you and Hangman can take something adorable and sweet and romantic that you do together, and turn it into an opportunity to dunk on some tipsy losers who’d mildly annoyed you,” Penny says, still like she’s scolding you, but the sparkle in her eyes says she would have done the exact same thing had she and Maverick been thirty years old again, and if the mere suggestion of beach volleyball wasn’t cause for a physio visit.

“Besides, I’m glad y'all got to watch us play at last. Since we made the mixed regional team last week we’ve wanted to get you all down to a game sometime,” you say, dodging any accusation of pettiness. Penny nods enthusiastically.

“You know Mav, Amelia and I will be at every one of those games. We’ve got to make sure you guys actually win and don't just tell us you win, to get the free drinks I promised.”

You can't help but smile warmly. It was nice to have a family in San Diego, to be able to rely on people.

“Really, Penny, thank you so much for sponsoring the team, you totally didn’t have to do that, but it means a lot to us, to both of us,” you say gently, reaching out to rest your hand over her. Penny returns your soft smile.

“See, this is the sort of thing Jake would never say, not without a heavy helping of sarcasm, irony or whatever else he thinks makes him less vulnerable.”

You laugh at that and bow your head in agreement.

“Hey, I’m working on it with him. I mean, Pen, he still gets surprised when I just tell him that I like a particular facet of his personality… Anyway, in the meantime, I’m happy to be the emotional go-between.”

Penny gives you a knowing, sympathetic hum.

“That man is everything he says he is and more, but he just can’t seem to bring himself to believe it. I’m glad he has you to show him it’s not just bluster.”

Your eyes momentarily prickle at Penny’s frankness, the words painful to hear from somebody else. Although she’s completely correct, it really does upset you to think of the way Jake must consider himself sometimes, and why you were so determined to adjust the way he clearly thought about certain things, mostly, himself.

“Very little of him is just bluster, and I can’t understand sometimes how he doesn’t actually see that, considering it’s a narrative he made for himself… he’s complicated, but I’m pulling at those threads as they come,” you nibble your lip with a small frown, before dropping your gaze to the bar top. “I just wish he’d see him the way I see him, and the way other people see him…” you pause, and Penny lifts a sardonic, incredulous eyebrow at you. You immediately relent, waving your white flag on that point in the form of holding up your hands. You’d had to come to terms a while ago now with the fact that you’re an exceptionally unreliable source when it comes to how you think others see your boyfriend, Dagger squad notwithstanding. “Okay, maybe not the way other people see him. Pretty sure that's the one thing he’s not mistaken about.”

You both share a soft laugh before Penny straightens, and throws a cursory glance over her shoulder at the seemingly ever growing crowd around the bar, though she still remains clearly unbothered as she turns away from the rush, and shifts her weight to her hip as she looks back at you.

“Anyway, I believe you came for drinks, and I believe I should go get them. The usual?”

You nod, thanking her as she steps away to fetch one bottle that supposedly contained beer, before she fetches your much nicer, far superior sarsaparilla, and waves you off when you attempt to pay.

“My shout, for the two of you making the regional team, and celebrating by destroying some amateurs, because you were bored.” She tells you with a playful wink. You grin widely, cheekily, before shooting her a faux-scolding look.

“Rewarding us for our supposed asshole shenanigans? That’s only gonna reinforce our poor behaviour, Penny! This is exactly why we’ll never learn!” you call out raising the drinks as your excuse for choosing to ignore any self-growth.

You manage to narrowly dodge a ‘rogue’ ice cube that finds itself mysteriously launched at your head, and poke your tongue out at the now distracted bartender, who somehow sees your childishness despite her mixing some brightly coloured cocktail, and spares a moment to throw you the bird, then a blown kiss. You laugh to yourself, as you push away from the bar, feeling quite pleased with yourself, and adjusting your focus to immediately inform your boyfriend of Penny’s definitely very real disapproval of your actions, and not at all conflicting response to the two of you grown adults humiliating some random pricks that in complete honesty, you certainly would have expended far less energy by just ignoring for the rest of the night.

You pause briefly, realising that that is the exact sort of petty assholery that Penny had suggested you hid, and briefly consider that you’re just as bad as Hangman, not Jake. You quickly come to the conclusion that you don’t find that to be a terrible thing, and so shrug to yourself, and continue on, unbothered by such little things like being a peaceful, non confrontational and relaxed person. In your eyes, being chaotic, always down to clown (on others) and quite likely an incredibly petty asshole at times sounded like way more fun, and involved far less unwanted self-introspection, you suspect.

The closer you get to the pool tables, the less you have to work to get through the crowds. All the Navy guys tended to congregate most thickly in this part of the bar, a sea of flight suits and unfamiliar patches greeting you, a fun quirk of which you’d discovered fairly soon after you’d visited Jake on base for the first time a month ago. Although you had no clue who any of these sailors were, or if they knew Dagger in any way, they definitely had become aware of you, and more importantly to this topic, who you were dating.

It's probably the petty-asshole in you again, but you get a sweet kick of satisfaction when you approach anywhere near the Navy guys, and for the first time in any bar ever, you don’t have to make yourself known to anyone for them to get out of your way. It’s almost as though a definitely unknown person may or may not have subtly mentioned (see: threatened to the best of his not-inconsiderable abilities) to any Hard Deck regulars on base, that should you be making yourway over to your regular spot, they are to clear the path and make sure you’re able to walk without going unnoticed by rowdy sailors who can't hear or see you.

You’d be annoyed that someone, surely not anyone you’d know, went to such efforts after just one incident in which you were trying to get past some sailors for much too long, only for one of them to step and into you, making you drop the round of drinks you’d been carrying, but honestly, as a remarkably unintimidating woman who wasn't known for her great assertiveness when not backed up by her six foot actually intimidating Navy Officer boyfriend, you kind of loved that someone, who you really had no clue as to the identity of, had gone out of their way to make sure you’d not have any more issues during what should be an uneventful commute from the bar to the pool table.

You have no idea who could be willing to use their mean side to your benefit, the result of which is the most unbothered walk anyone has ever done in a crowded bar, and a bunch of random sailors you don’t know occasionally giving you polite, stern little nods as you pass, as though their instinct was to salute you, before they remembered that you are not in fact any form of authority to them, but they couldn’t not do something as a sign of respect. You really do wish you could find out who it was that had put the fear of god into these men, if only to give him some really, really good head later.

You finally arrive back at the pool table, the red sea closing back up behind you to form a seemingly dense wall of uniforms, that Payback looks at in clear confusion, then to you, as if you had an explanation you were willing to give. He lifts his brows and you shrug, putting on your best smile.

“Guess they just all thought I was cute or something’!” you say brightly, wishfully. From the direction of the pool table, a familiar voice responds to you.

“Yeah, I guess they did, how polite of them.” Jake says meaningfully, though you don't know what he’s on about, but you suspect is in fact a veiled suggestion-not-threat to the sailors within hearing range.

You wander over to Jake, making sure he's not about to take a shot before you step right into his personal space, and hand him his what apparently passes for beer these days. Jake takes a sip, and thanks you, dropping a brief kiss to your temple. You see him briefly take a look at what you’d ordered, only to receive a scoff.

“And you have the nerve to call my choice in drinks ‘nasty’. Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but you’re drinking’ cough medicine.” This is the one facet of Jake’s personality you can’t stand, and have made clear to him you dislike.

“‘Oh look at me, I’m a grown man from Texas who hates Sarsaparilla, how unique and quirky!’” you mimic his voice in a fairly insulting way, it sounds not a thing like him, but that's part of the jab. Jake narrows his eyes and pokes you in the side.

“You ain’t witty, plenty of people hate that shit,” he tells you, frowning. You ignore him.

“Oooh, I claim to be accepting and appreciative of the few differences i have with my girlfriend, but always happens to forget her favourite drink when he goes out for snacks!’” you mock him further.

Jake huffs and is about to open his mouth, no doubt in his defence, but you cut him off, narrowing your eyes.

“You ain’t slick, Seresin.” you say darkly.

Somewhere around you, wherever your friends are, you don’t know, you hear Rooster whistle lowly.

“Hey guys, first fight!” he says mirthfully, but with no real conviction. You snap your head in his direction.

“This is not our first fight,” you correct him with an eye roll, no longer concerned with your petty argument, both you and Jake forming up into a single entity once more to face the rest of the world. Jake’s arm slings casually around your waist and he leans on his hip, into your side.

“Get a load of this, Rooster thinks that's what a couples fight really sounds like,” Jake adds, as if speaking to you conspiratorial, toxic levels of faux-sympathy for his squad mate.

“If that's what he thinks a fight is, I’d hate to see what he thinks a declaration of love sounds like,” you say, mostly for the benefit of Jake and yours little game you’ve started, and not for Rooster, who was already ignoring you both and rolling his eyes as he moves to take his shot.

You glance up at your boyfriend, who is smiling Cheshire-like, but he shoots you a wink when he returns your gaze. He turns toward you then, using both hands, both of which also hold a beer and a pool stick respectively, to grasp your hips and duck his face into your eye line.

“The corner store we go to for snacks doesn’t have sarsaparilla, but it’s kinda a bust most times anyway, let's find a new snack stop, alright?” Jake says, definitely earning him some extra, extra good head later.

“I didn’t think you really were leaving it out on purpose, it's so hit and miss in Cali what stores stock it.” you tell him, grumbling that you couldn't just go to any store and get you some cough syrup.

Jake hums, and steps around you, your convection on pause briefly as he steps up to take his shot, sinking all the balls he's supposed to and not the ones he isn't (you refuse to learn more about pool than absolutely necessary), before he turns back to you as if he’d never stepped away at all, and sweeps you up again.

“I know a place back home where you can get a year's supply, I’ll see if one of my sisters can figure something out,” Jake says softly, as if a little worried the others might hear him being so gentle and tender. The others, while certainly all pretending not to eavesdrop, only wear various expressions reminiscent of the sort generally worn after being shown a baby animal video compilation.

“And how are either of your sisters supposed to get a year's supply of sarsaparilla up to North Island from Austin?” you question, not wanting to bat away his clear intent to apologise for any wrong you may have thought he’d done. Jake’s eyes swing toward the ceiling like you’ve just said something stupid and he won't actually believe it.

“You forget I’m a pilot.” he says as if it's obvious and also a good point. You frown.

“Pretty sure your jet can barely fit you, let alone a bunch of sarsaparilla.” you say, feeling distinctly like you might be about to walk into a verbal trap he’s laid.

Jake huffs, and still keeping his eyes off of you, he all but stomps his foot at your logic and reasoning.

“Whatever, I’ll drive it back if I have to,” he says, even more quiet and even more worried of the others hearing him. You refrain from ‘aww’ing dramatically, and instead cup his cheek.

“You can just apologise or like, use your words you know. You don't have to communicate with me via intense acts of devotion and service.” you give him a little smile to let him know you were being serious, despite your light tone. Jake’s eyes fall on you at last and he purses his lips.

“It doesn’t feel like enough.”

“But driving around forty hours round trip to Texas and back again all for some cough syrup does?”

“Yes.”

You consider him for a few moments, but relent, and release him of his obligation to make eye contact during vulnerability, patting his cheek lovingly.

“Alright, well, if that's what you’d like to do, Jake,” you say, not fully understanding why words aren’t his thing in this one aspect of his life, when in every other area he excels in anything verbal, damn-near silver-tongued. But you also don't have to understand it, you just had to know it, and then see his displays of love and affection no matter how odd or unconventional or totally over the top and ridiculous, for what they were.

Jake takes a few moments to process the amicable end of that discussion, seemingly expecting a fight or more pushback, but you only nudge him, to draw him from his distraction.

“Hey Hangman, aren’t you supposed to be winning this for me?” you ask playfully. Making the blond frown at you as he looks between the table and your face.

“I said I would, didn’t I?” he asks back, making you pause. You glance back at the table with an earnest frown and after you seemingly take much to long to decipher the secrets of the little round balls, Jake chuckles, stepping up beside you and wrapping you up in one arm, pulling you in as he continues to laugh at you (you retract one extra off of the ‘extra extra good head’ you were planning on giving him later) and kisses your temple, his chuckle nothing sweet and instead completely, totally, and all-consumingly infuriatingly smug (Review by His Girlfriend).

“You have no idea what you’re looking at, do you?” he asks, quieter than you’re expecting, so only you hear. You glare, and answer him with an exasperated sigh.

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, darlin’.”

You now glare directly up at him as he watches you with a mix of genuine assholery and softer playfulness that lets you know he’s fully aware of the former trait making a rare  appearance in reaction to you.

Sometimes, you almost wish he’d go back to ignoring you. It had to be better than suffering this. You didn't deserve it, you were an occasionally good person, right?

Jake draws you back from your silent pleading for a time machine, and he leans down toward you, smolderingly self-satisfied with how his little display has gotten under your skin, and his expression combined with his much more intimate proximity suddenly brings to mind that night several months ago now at the club, the night that Jake had paid attention to you for the very first time, and you’d understood clearly what it must feel like to go up against Hangman in a dogfight, what it felt like to be in his direct line of sight. 

Jake plasters on an identical smile to the one he has in your memory, but unlike that night, he gains an evil glint to his eyes, which you find out the reason for mere seconds later, when he gently boops your nose in a manner that tells you he definitely knows has lost him all extra good head privileges for the night.

Apparently, he deems it worth it, and sadly, you can't help but be swept up by him, rolling your eyes in mock frustration, but unable to keep from grinning up at him like a lovesick fool, waiting for him to finish his line.

Jake’s smile turns momentarily sweet, but he quickly covers back up with his bluster and fake mega-douche routine you actually definitely loved.

“Let ol’ Hangman take care of it for ya’.”