#it's not valid nor is it important so no point in paying attention to it

[styona]

Prolly a controversial take, no offense, but I do not think Tobias was/is/will be happy that Mary On A Cross blew up on TikTok

[stestir]

Amethio is emotionally neglected.

An analysis from a neglected person standpoint.

Wo hoo another post about the little shit, yaay.

Anywho, this time its not me being super angry and ranting, instead I will psychoanalyse the boy and give out him diagnosis.

Analysis post under the line

So, I believe that Amethio is heavily emotionally neglected by Gibeon. I'll explain in a bit how he shows it.

So I'll begin with his beef with Friede. Yes, I will talk about it again like I didn't already do that several times, Shh.

Here I want to start from, well, start of their conflicts. Episode 2, first conversation. Amethio says that Friede is... Wait, lemme see... khe khe, "Oh, Friede? I heard of you being a great trainer." That means he sees Friede as someone who has experience and who's respectable. That will be important later.

So, first battle, the air ship, all that. Friede sends out a Pikachu, and Amethio is immediately annoyed. I think the main reason is that he wants to have a true validation of his skills, hence why he reacted that way. Seeing Friede, someone he thinks is a professional, send out a Pikachu, a pokemon often seen weak, looks like a mokery to him.

It also goes further and weaves itself into all their incounters - the want to be acknowledged and taken seriously. With each episode, it escalates and escalates, showing out Amethios' bad traits along the line - impatience, easy irration, and often distraction from the main mission.

The tension finally snaps at episode 25, where in their 6th encounter, they finally finish the battle, and Friede takes the win. And where Friede says, "I have to take you seriously." This hurts Amethio so much that in the next arc, he starts to train to become more powerful. He even appears in an opening, training himself to an exhaustion.

All of this highlights really heavily that Amethio always tried to find a validation of his battle skills [ and by excention, him in general ] in these fights, hence why he always was irrated by Friede not paying full attention - "Look at me!", "Don't be distracted!". All of this points to me that he doesn't receive it oftenthsys why he jumps into the opportunity to have this attention.

And this is the first sign of emotional neglect! The attention seeking behavior.

It's clear that Gibeon does not give him enough attention, as he's trying his best to give everything to him and only disobeys the orders to catch Rayquaza / Terapagos for Gibeon. All of Amethios' actions are for him, which indicates to me that he's trying to get at least a lick of affection from him [ aka a validation that he did a good job ].

And it's also seen in Hambers' actions towards the boy! Unlike Diana, who's parallel he is, he's cold towards Amethio and practically emotionless, only doing what he needs to do. He also doesn't even use his name, only honorifics "Master."

All of this translates to his behavior, too, and shows another sign:

The masking of emotions & anger issues.

These two go hand in hand in Amethio, as he tries his very best to hide any case of emotion. But this mask is also really weak and fragile, as it shatters under any pressure, as it showcased in his fights with Friede.

Even in episode 2, the beginning, he already showed how his mask is easily slipping with irritation [ his eye twitching when Friede sends out Pikachu ]. He always tries to be cold, just like Hamber and Gibeon, but because he also desperately needs aknowledgement, it does not work. He becomes impulsive and starts to go more by emotions than reason, as it is evidenced by him always prioritizing a fight rather than going by the misson, episode 6 being an exception ( And even then he still doing this cause Friede didnt pay him enough attention 💀).

He tries to mimick his parential figures by being emotionless but ultimately heavily fails at it because he does not have an outlet for his emotion, nor affection to actually release all the tension in his mind, hence why the mask is so fragile and he is easily irrated.

From that its goes into another problem:

Closing off from any support from other adults.

And in this part comes in his relationship with Zir and Conia, and how he doesn't let himself be weak in front of them.

Throughout the whole anime, it can be seen how much both of them are worried for the boy. Hell, its even got into one of the promotional material, where they even when cut by a comic barrier, still look at Amethio, concerned. But Amethio does not let them know about his mental state, as evidenced by Zirs "Its so hard to talk to him lately."

It seems that Amethio never let his guard down, resulting in him being tense all the time. Even when Zir and Conia genuinely care for him, he rejects all of this affection, still trying to chase the one from Gibeon. It makes me believe that Amethio idolizes Gibeon and thinks of him as the only trustful source of care.

Which of course makes everything worse for him in turn, as Gibeon does not give him anything and just makes him work, which makes him become more and more tense.

It even starts to project into his battle style, as he gone from calculated actions to a desperate attempts to do something [ which is also a sign of being neglected, yahoo ]

Anywho, ending this, I'll say - Amethio is a brilliantly written character, I love love love the writing team behind the Horizons. The way he's obviously abused is so clearly seen that it almost pains me as someone who has also been neglected in childhood.

And also, dont take this post way too seriously - it's written without any serious research whatsoever, and mostly is me speaking from experience and observations.

I hope you had a nice read!

...

[Me: Amethio is a 3-dimensional character with a lot of thought behind him. Also me: He-he, he's literally this meme:]

[nofomogirl]

Introductions in opening scenes from Good Omens S1 and S2

It's time to revisit the walls of Eden scene after all the new info from the new season (part 1? nor promising, but maybe it's just part 1)

Warning: This post contains very minor spoilers for season 2. Mostly, as the title suggests, from the opening scene. But if you haven't seen the show yet and don't know what the opening scene is, I suggest you come back after watching because it's OMG.

In Good Omens the book the very first line of dialogue is "I'm sorry, what was it you were saying?" strongly implying that we've started listening to Aziraphale and Crowley mid-conversation. They are introduced to us, the readers, in the narrative bits, but the names are never used in actual dialogue.

Maybe they had introduced themselves earlier, maybe they didn't. Maybe they didn't need an introduction, maybe they did. We don't know and it doesn't matter. The authors wanted us to focus on the conversation at hand, not on their relationship. An angel and a demon on the walls of Eden are just an excuse to discuss certain ideas.

The show changes the scene a little and makes some things more explicit. We now know for sure that what we saw was the entire conversation because we were shown how it started. We now know for sure that (1) Aziraphale never gave his name, (2) Crowley never asked for it, (3) Crowley gave his name (4) but only after Aziraphale gently pressed him to.

After season 1 I was mostly looking at it from a practical perspective, probably because I like comparing how different kinds of media can convey information, and I mostly focused on how the book was translated into the show.

From that perspective, it was okay to cut the information that the angel's name was Aziraphale from that first scene, because we were going to learn it soon enough anyway, and there was no point in disrupting the flow of the conversation to include it. However, we needed to know that the serpent's name was Crawly because it was going to change and changes in Crowley's name are important. So it was justified to take this information from the narration and squeeze it into the dialogue. But in the most unintrusive way possible.

Of course, that doesn't mean I have never considered the in-universe significance of their introduction/lack of introduction in Eden. However, my headcanon was that the S01E01 opening was their very first meeting, and season 2 proved me wrong, so I will skip my old theories here.

Instead, let's look at S02E01 and S01E01 side by side.

S01E01 Aziraphale never gave his name / S02E01 Crowley never gave his name

We now know that Aziraphale hasn't introduced himself in Eden because they had met before.

But why has Crowley done the same among the stars? It couldn't be that they had already met even earlier, because if that was the case why would Aziraphale introduce himself then?

I believe one of the main reasons is that we're not supposed to know Crowley's angelic name. At least not yet, maybe not ever (I hope we will never learn it, since it is his dead name).

But that again is not an in-universe explanation.

Have you noticed how throughout season 2 two characters expected Crowley to know them, but he didn't? Sure, there's always memory manipulation theory, but honestly, I'm beginning to believe that he simply doesn't pay attention to people around him. And the way he acted towards Aziraphale seems to confirm it. He called out to a passing angel simply because he needed a hand. He wasn't looking for company and would be perfectly happy if Aziraphale left immediately after, leaving Crowley to enjoy his creation alone. It takes considerable effort on Aziraphale's side to engage Crowley in the conversation.

S01E01 Crowley never asked for Aziraphale's name / S02E01 Aziraphale never asked Crowley for his name

Again, because they had already met before Eden.

Right?

It is a valid explanation, obviously, but I'm not entirely sure that's the case. I think it's quite possible, that Crowley didn't remember Aziraphale just like he didn't remember Saraqael or Furfur. I know we wish to think Aziraphale was special and must have left an impression but I see no evidence of that in pre-Fall Crowley's behaviour. Quite the opposite.

I think the reason Crowley didn't ask Aziraphale for his name might have been because, as usual, he didn't care.

Unless, of course, they met before the Fall more than just this once and got to know each other better.

Ok, so why Aziraphale didn't ask Crowley for his name among the stars? I think we can rule out not being interested. Perhaps it was a sign of social awkwardness and insecurity; after he introduced himself and Crowley failed to reciprocate, he got discouraged? Not impossible, but it's not speaking to me.

My (veRy oRigINal) theory is that Aziraphale didn't ask because he already knew. It was the first time they were speaking face to face, but he was aware of Crowley before. Maybe because Crowley was a high-ranking angel and everybody knew who he was. Or maybe he personally caught Aziraphale's interest for some reason, hmm?

S01E01 Crowley gave his name / S02E01 Aziraphale gave his name

Now this is where things get really interesting.

Remember the "Crowley fell first" theory? It was neat, wasn't it? Unfortunately, it's going out the window now, because it couldn't have been any more obvious that Aziraphale had a massive crush on pre-Fall Crowley and in the creation scene he was bending over backward to flirt with him and extend their interaction. What's more, Crowley wasn't particularly interested!

Aziraphale introduces himself completely unprompted and seems so incredibly happy that he can. Crowley's reaction is a "nice meeting you", that sounds an awful lot like "whatever, bye".

After that, I will never be able to see Crowley's reaction to "I gave it away" and not think about how in season 2 he says "it is always too late"...

Ok, now let's have a look at the moment Crowley introduces himself in Eden.

He doesn't do it on his own. He only responds when Aziraphale shows interest.

Aziraphale doesn't explicitly ask Crowley for his name. He just talks to him, reaches a point when it would be natural to address him by his name, and suspends his voice. Crowley gets the hint and fills his name in. Aziraphale repeats it, Crowley gives him a little nod, and the conversation continues smoothly.

Before season 2, I just thought that it was a courteous gesture proving that Aziraphale sees Crowley as a person.

Season 2 makes it a little more complicated.

When Aziraphale stops mid-sentence at the point where Crowley's name should be, was it fully conscious? Was he going to use Crowley's old name and realize last moment, that he shouldn't? If so, what was his reason? Was it out of respect for Crowley, who might not identify with that name anymore, or was it because he believed a demon had no right to an angelic name? Or maybe it would be simply too painful for Aziraphale himself?

I'm going to stop here, but honestly. After you're done crying after the S2 finale, I strongly suggest watching the S2 opening scene, and then the S1 Eden scene. A new perspective really adds to it!

Then watch S2 opening again followed by the rest of S2 because we want to create numbers and make S3 happen.

[noirsisterhood]

Why do some black women embody the mammy stereotype?

Firstly, if you are unaware of what the term mammy means or the history behind it, I highly recommend watching this. https://youtu.be/mEy9ZKf5NOo?si=9iK_ibAfO4AaR6e7

Just a series of thoughts I had while walking my dog. Black women, in particular, divested Black women have had a tendency to switch from being the mammy of the black race and left-leaning politics to being the mammy of the white race and right-leaning politics. But why? Neither of these groups have historically or currently respected black women nor have they done anything for us. Two sides of the same bird and black women as a collective find themselves sliding from one end to the other.

My observations had led me to believe black women are trying to earn love, admiration, and respect. These women are fully aware that with most people they meet, they start at a social deficit and will be guilty until proven innocent. This attempt to earn their keep has never and will never work. To me, these types of things are not transactional but black women generally refuse to come to terms with this. Despite the obvious signs that the mammying is not working out for them, black women continue to embody the stereotype.

In their defense, humans have a natural urge to want to feel a sense of belonging and have a place in a group. The mammy is often very unattractive. Obese, never dolled up, lacking in feminine style, hair tied in rags or covered with a bonnet. They want to feel wanted but it likely won’t come in the form of male attraction or the jealously of other women. And the need for external validation seems to be ten fold and more obvious with this demographic. Black women are rarely genuinely praised for beauty or womanhood outside of their romantic partners. The most obvious examples of this is the barrage of pandering from other demographics when they want praise, money, or clout. Instead, our nature of caring for others and looking attractive has gotten us exploited, preyed upon, and abused. When you pay attention to how others speak of you or black women as a whole, you’ll notice the reverence is often exploitative. The first thing that comes to mind is the infamous ‘black women will save this country’ cry from liberals during the last election cycle. It was completed with the artwork of an overweight black woman in a superhero outfit. Not ladies. Not souls to be protected and cared for but a shield used to prop up and protect others.

On the opposite side, a self proclaimed “conservative” black male posted a video of a conservative black woman repeating talking points and the video is titled ‘Black Women are waking up.’ To no surprise of mine, there was a white person who left the comment to the tune of proclaiming how happy he was that black women were on his side, and that’s great because black women work tirelessly to get things done and influence others. I’m paraphrasing of course.

Seems the mule and wakanda warrior image is on both sides suffocating black women. The same commenters praising the Republican woman of course can be seen in previous videos commenting how horrible, disturbing, overweight, unattractive, and useless black women are. Quite interesting. Not to say we aren’t allowed to have opinions or be politically informed. I myself am independent yet am baffled by the behavior of other black women who jump at the first opportunity to make politics their entire identity to seek approval from others.

So the question stands, do other people like and appreciate you or do they want to use you, knowing you will take on the role of a trooper that will do anything to push their agendas? The most important question though, do you care black women? My point is, mammies are seeking out appreciation by trying to sit others on top of their shoulders because the admiration is just not coming automatically. But despite my demographic clearly seeing this tactic of theirs is not working, they continue doing it anyways.

Why do black women continue to do this?

Do black women have a savior complex? They want to be praised for something even if what they’re doing is ultimately harmful to our safety or image. The best example I have for this is very recent with the Tyler Perry discourse. Black women all across the interwebs latched onto this discourse and refused to let go for at least a month. Some of them are still trying to squeeze out discussions about this dead horse. Didn’t these women already come to the conclusion they will level up, open their options, and focus on high value men? So why the excitement to jump on this repetitive conversation?

My hypothesis: They just wanted to keep repeating that they are making more than black males (btw this is not true, at least not yet. In America, males make more on average but Black American women are more employed). They want to feel better than someone else and take on the role of a superior. A mentor, a leader, a teacher, or a mother. They believe they aren’t wanted by the people they seek validation from and they resort to being needed instead.

To disarm others

I have many observations on the sambo type behavior I’ve seen coming from the collective of the black demographic in America, but particularly Black women I think this could be their form of self preservation. Like I already mentioned, these women are well aware upon their first meeting with almost every person that they are immediately seen as negative stereotypes. Historically in this country, little black girls and grown women alike have had to suffer verbal and physical abuse, especially from white women. The modern media machine makes it clear they want the black girl image to be on the sideline in a support role, not the main character. Various post on social media have also made it known that Black women are also aware when they don’t play this supporting role in real life, they are demonized and viciously attacked. Mammying is also a form of keeping the attackers at bay.

Trying to find identity in the west

Lastly, my speculation of the mammy archetype played out by so many Black women is the lack of identity the collective has outside of social justice. Ignoring the incorrect generational stereotypes, Gen Z has improved at finding purpose and hobbies outside of fighting for something. Unfortunately with the timing, it’s right around the time the media and certain demographics would like everyone to believe black girls eat, sleep, and breathe fighting the system and it’s been heavily pushed onto us through movies, books, and the social media algorithm. The most well known image of us comes from the 60s Black woman standing strong with her fist in the air. This is the portrayal cast over our normal everyday lives or modern accomplishments. Mix that in with the overweight, abrasive, asexual, unthreatening mammy and we have the perfect recipe. Most importantly this is the personality some Black women know when in doubt, they can fall back on.

In my next post I want to expand on this and touch on Black women’s reluctance and discomfort when setting boundaries with others who demand the mammy comes to their aide and include them in everything. Will Black women continue to allow multiracial women to bully them into silence and erase their representation? Will Black women continue to let the male race intimidate them into supporting males whom brand themselves LGBT?

[utilitycaster]

I understand the sentiment but also there were a very vocal portion of cr fans on twitter who did Not want brennan dming for cr (granted, not so much on tumblr). I think any fandom crossover is going to inherently get some insane takes from fans who don't like change, rather than this being a specific d20 thing (see also, how awfully aabria was treated by portions of both fanbases).

I hope you can understand that I am being hyperbolic here, and just as there are plenty of people in the D20 fandom who are excited, I’m sure there are people who were unhappy with Brennan DMing for Calamity. With that said:

There is a level of vitriol that goes beyond understandable trepidation about a beloved show and into outright ad hominem attacks on Matt on such unrelated topics as his appearance.

These sentiments have outright showed up in the Critical Role maintag and made it to industry publications, they’re so fucking loud. Brennan and Matt started trending specifically because of the hatred. The people involved started attacking unrelated actors in the broader TTRPG community. It’s notable enough to have outstripped excitement across multiple platforms (whereas you yourself say that Tumblr was generally fine on Calamity) whereas for Calamity I would say the overall mood was “hell yes” with a minority saying no.

It’s made considerably more egregious given that Calamity exists and is considered not just “fine” but “a high water mark for D&D Actual Play as a medium.” You’d think anyone who could put two and two together would come in with an understanding that perhaps a wait-and-see approach to a DM swap for the prequel to a beloved world, rather than immediate condemnation based on a three minute trailer, would be the wise choice.

Discussion of racism, misogyny, and their intersection in both fandoms as a general problem and specifically in regard to Aabria is of course a valid and important thing to do, but it is absolutely irrelevant to this post. However, if you’d been paying attention to the ongoing discussion, the D20 fandom’s specific refusal to deal with intra-fandom issues, choosing to instead point a finger at literally anyone else has been at the forefront, so you’re really not beating those allegations. On the other hand, if you haven’t been paying attention then your opinion is uninformed and, as such, useless in this context.

I don’t believe in hell, nor do I have any concrete beliefs regarding the nature of an afterlife that may or may not exist, but if I did, the first circle would be for people who hide behind anonymity to make milquetoast both-sides statements.

[thesinglesjukebox]

TORI KELLY - "CUT"

Alex brings us some UK garage not actually from the UK...

[6.64]

Alex Ostroff: At the end of the first year without any regular Singles Jukebox coverage, the prospect of selecting just one track for Amnesty Week was daunting. Should I choose a fun quirky pop-rap track that reflected the continued importance of TikTok in drawing attention to new music in 2023? Or maybe a pop-country break-up anthem that draws equally from 'Tim McGraw' and 'We Belong Together' that would have been Jukebox catnip back in 2009 but can't seem to break through in 2023? Or maybe yet another British attempt to revive the spirit of R&B girl groups? Ultimately, I picked Tori Kelly's "cut" - a track that I suggested was an American big-pop-chorus approach to PinkPantheress' UK garage revivalism in an earlier Amnesty Week blurb. But while there are undeniable 2step influences here (the first single from Tori's 2023 EP samples Craig David directly), "cut" functions equally as millennium pop revivalism. Darkchild and Timbaland both get writing credits, although presumably just for the vibe that Kelly and producer Jon Bellion are trying to evoke and the ad-libs that Timbaland added when they sent him the track. For years, I couldn't tell you the first thing about Tori Kelly's music. She seemed to be one of those artists with an incredible voice who was perpetually singing as part of award show tributes, but who never settled into a clear artistic identity; cursory research indicates that she yo-yoed from a 2015 Max Martin-produced debut to two explicitly Christian gospel albums to acoustic YouTube performances. There's nothing particularly novel or boundary-pushing about "cut": a trilling acoustic guitar loop, garage drums, arpeggiated violins, Timbo mumbling in the background, Tori jumping the octave for the final chorus, an onomatopoeiac hook that tries to evoke the sound of a skipping heartbeat. But it somehow embedded itself in my brain all autumn and never let up. "cut," and the rest of this year's Tori EP, made me sit up and pay attention to Tori Kelly for the first time a full eight years into her career -- and made me actively excited to see what she does next. [9]

Katherine St Asaph: Timbaland jumping on a trend in 2023, and Tori Kelly jumping on a trend at any time, is probably a sign that the trend is on its way out. The returns haven't totally diminished, though. [6]

Micha Cavaseno: When UK garage touched US shores, a lot of the forms were unrecognizable compared to the source material -- Craig David's "Fill Me In" is one thing, but "7 Days" isn't exactly bubble & squeak. I would like to say that there was a big period of us dancing to Monsta Boy or Masters of Ceremony just so my own nerdy adolescent pursuits felt a little more valid, but no, I'm pretty sure we just listened to Blu Cantrell and that Mary J. Blige comeback record around that time. So really, I'm just fascinated at anyone from the US deciding to emulate a style that's so comparatively niche. As far as retro-UKG from the last few years, it's definitely not hitting "One Kiss" levels, nor is it even Jorja quality, but maybe that's the consequence of things getting lost in translation. [7]

Aaron Bergstrom: Tori gives it a valiant effort, but this still sounds like the batteries slowly running out on a Timbaland Speak & Spell. [4]

Taylor Alatorre: A second-string Timbaland beat scores some major points off the bench, assisted by Tori Kelly's infectious enthusiasm at being allowed on a Timbaland beat of any sort. One can choose to dismiss Tori as Ariana Grande for church moms who did the math on "34+35," or one can choose to celebrate her for that same reason. Her brand of pop soul is clean in more than one sense of the word -- witness how she skims across those challenging vocal phrases like they're beginners' exercises, or how she uses the pauses in the production to turn a lead-in to the chorus into a game of musical jump rope. Let's not agonize over the fact that the definitive slumber party music of two decades ago is now reappearing as adult contemporary; instead, let's call it incremental progress. [8]

Brad Shoup: Howling at the possibility that Timbaland is going to become a hired-gun ad-lib guy, like how a few years back everyone was hiring Nile Rodgers to strum a little. At least Nile gets some co-production credits! [6]

Nortey Dowuona: The skipping garage drums are well mixed. They slip underneath Tori's voice comfortably and bind it tightly, spinning in a dervish across the chorus. The boxy bassline synth below it is a nice counterpoint to the topline synths, which are surprisingly thinned out by reverb and EQ once the last chorus kicks in. It's a good idea and a good choice, but not something you will remember once you stop listening. [6]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: The sound effect at the beginning of the chorus is so bizarre that multiple times while listening to this, I literally looked around to check whether there was a pipe that was emitting steam, a large man sighing slowly, or a freezer opening. Aside from that, "Cut" is expertly crafted pop reminiscent of the early 2000s, each motif stitched together tightly with Tori Kelly's adept voice. [7]

Ian Mathers: I wish they'd built out the "singing the drum part" bit into the chorus, because it's better and more distinctive than the actual chorus. [6]

Oliver Maier: Lots of fun if not especially sticky. Not often does a pop song feel like it's distinctly missing a guest rap verse, but such is the void that opens up at around 2:18. [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: "I'm glad she's having fun" is classic smug pan verbiage but this genuinely works because Tori Kelly is having a lot of fun! It still never breaks through to be anything more than really really good Timbaland/Darkchild cosplay, but I'm not sure if it aspires to anything greater either. [7]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[malka-lisitsa]

Just saying, everyone who comes for you because you display confidence obviously doesn't actually pay attention to what you even say. Because you're not someone who constantly brags about being confident and happy, you also share your weaknesses, never make yourself seem perfect; perfection doesn't exist btw. And that's true fucking strength. You know yourself and it's obviously been a hard way to get there. You've been at a very low point in your life, which you briefly mentioned on Elena once. This means you worked your ass off to gain confidence, to love yourself, so people going out of their way to attack you for it need to step back and think for a moment. Real confidence, not shallow arrogance btw, isn't something you just have. It's something you earn. Anyone coming at you having no clue what it took for you to get there are pretty darn transparent, and it's no good look. We really be clowning on this website, huh? Anyway, I think you're neat and that you don't sugarcoat things nor censor yourself, is a good thing. And if someone doesn't get your occasional jokes because of the pinch of bitchiness? They can simply ask. I've never felt like you're not approachable. You're actually a whole dork and super supportive to your fellow writers from what I've experienced. It's okay to feel jealous of what you've built for yourself, feelings are valid. What's not okay, however, is to attack you for it. We all carry our own package and shouldn't make our self-worth dependent on some stranger on the web. Everyone who can't deal with a certain level of confidence should practice selfcare and leave you be. Simple as that. Ok, rant over. You may proceed with your day. I appreciate you lots and you deserve to love yourself the way you do ♥

Ava- I adore you. You are just a whole.... everything. You deserve everything good and more. You didn't have to come do this but you did and I love that you have no problem telling it like it is. I love that we have conversations ranging from deep to look at our stupid gremlins. Youve always been supportive and outspoken and thats so important because youre also down to earth- AND you take some of the shit i say with a grain of salt which is how its meant to be taken.

You and Michael have all my love.

[systemexploration]

my friend who is a system thinks i might also be a system because i’ve been showing some symptoms. i don’t experience amnesia, nor do i forget important details about myself. i only forget small stuff, like day-to-day chores, meals i ate, and conversations i’ve had

my friend said they think i have it because i’ve mentioned dissociating a lot and i seem to have a blurred sense of identity (i’ve been struggling with my gender and sexuality for years. i’ve thought that i might be genderfluid or abrosexual but neither of those labels feel right to me)

i brought it up to my therapist, and my mom had me do a check up with a psychiatrist. both of them said i probably don’t have it, and my therapist said i’m young so obviously i’m going to be questioning my identity

but i feel like i might have it. i think i’ve had alters front before, and i think i have a few? i don’t know. i don’t if i’m making all of this up for attention or if i’m just crazy

first of all (/lh) if those are experiences you have had, you arent making it up! your experiences are valid whether or not they connect to being plural or being a singlet

long post below!

(for some reason i didnt write this in order of the topics you brought up) (also all this is /nm and /npa! i apologize if the way i word things comes across a little aggressive, i struggle with sounding serious but not mad sometimes)

but onto the main topic, i do agree that it is very common for teens (ik you just said you are young, im assuming, but also talking generally /nm /lh) to question their identity a lot! its part of growing up, figuring yourself out. our core, Mouse, went through many, many sexuality/orientation labels before settling on aroace. those werent a part of our systemhood btw, those were just part of Mouse's self discovery. a struggle with labels can definitely be a sign of being plural but also it can be part of the identity stuggle that a majority of teens face.

about the amnesia and forgetting things. amnesia isnt a need for being plural. having trouble remembering things is a part of being plural but it also is a part of being a singlet. there is a normal amount of short term memory loss for people but it can get to a point where there is a reason for it or something that is causing it. we have a friend with autism and adhd who experiences more short term memory loss that is considered normal. with plurals, there are many different ways memory is handled. it can go from headmates having their own individual memory all the way to memory being a thing all headmates can access. most of our memory is accessible but there are a couple things that only a few of us remember (we dont know what it is due to those remembering it purposely not telling us). we also can experience forgetfulness when we switch but it is usually only small things. so to sum that all up, amnesia isnt a plural requirement and forgetting smaller things may or may not be a sign of being plural.

dissociating is definitely a bigger thing than the last two topics. if you dissociate a lot then that is something that i would recommend looking into and bringing up with your therapist if you havent. people can dissociate a few times in their life without it being a result of something but it happening a lot is a sign of a reason being behind it. dissociation is a part of plurality (not required) but there are also dissociative disorders that arent DID or OSDD (though non disordered plurals can still dissociate.). i am not at all trying to say you have a dissociative disorder, i have no place to say that, but i do recommend talking to your therapist more about it and looking into stuff about it yourself!

and finally, if you think you have had alters front before then definitely keep researching stuff about plurality! try to pay more attention to when you remember things vs when you dont, your mindsets/personalities, and try to see if you can call out to anyone in your head to see if they will straight up respond! if you do feel like anyone is there but they are still vague, try to give them a name and refer to them as a separate person than you. that can help with clarity and communication. (all /nf)

overall, with the experiences you have talked about, there are definitely other things that can be the cause but that is the case with most mental divergencies. the fact that there can be other reasons doesnt mean that it is definitely not plurality. if you are more confident that it might be plurality i do think you should continue to learn about it! unfortunately i cant give you a yes or no about being plural, that is something you are going to have to figure out yourself /lh

absolutely feel free to continue to ask questions if you continue looking into plurality though!

Some helpful resources from @/the-plural-archive

[purplesong1028]

The Perfect Storm

Chapter 5: The Choice

Miguel has a daring proposal for Cali, but the meeting takes a shocking turn before he gets a chance to discuss business.

Rating: General Audience

Paring: Pacho/Miguel

Words: 3,084

His problem isn’t volume; it’s cash flow. It’s not rocket science. Miguel has known that for over a year now, and that was exactly what he told Matta on his birthday several months ago, but resolving his cash flow issue will take time. He’s contacted Guerra several times now, but that fucking old bastard hasn’t responded. Doubling the shipments from Cali does bring him more money in the short term, so he’s been able to keep the plazas happy recently, at least happy enough to shut up.

However, as long as the payment cycle in this business doesn’t improve, the amount of money those Colombians owe him is still piling up, so in the long run he’s still losing. It’s like his organization has turned into an insatiable monster who sucks in more blood every day but keeps growing fatter at a faster speed, so it never has enough blood to sustain itself.

He needs to talk to Pacho again. Fuck, why does everything always come back to the same conclusion? Is there really nothing else he can do? Besides, even if Pacho somehow agrees to talk, how is he going to convince Cali to pay him sooner? Pacho didn’t agree last time, so why would that change now?

Miguel takes out a cigarette and lights it. At this point he can do that as easily as breathing, maybe it’s because of nicotine, or maybe just because he can think better when he has something random to do, something that occupies his body but doesn’t require any brain power.

Everyone needs something, and Cali is no different. He just needs to figure out what exactly that thing is, so he can make the right offer. But fuck, what is it? It’s not money, not power, not control, all of which they have more than he does.

Wait, that’s it. He doesn’t have more than them, but someone else does! Miguel thinks back about what Azul told him several weeks ago. Escobar bombed them and it hit pretty close, so from what he knows about Cali, or at least about Pacho, they are not going to just sit back and take it. That means they are at war with Escobar.

War is bad for business, unless it’s a win. Everyone knows that. Believe it or not, he can make it easier for Cali to win, if they give him what he wants first.

*

Miguel takes the phone and dials Pacho’s number.

Pacho picks up after it rings three times, and he suddenly realizes that’s a pattern, unless in unusual circumstances like last time.

“You’ve been calling a lot more frequently.” The Colombian says that with a flat tone, neither a happy comment nor a complaint, like he’s just stating a fact.

“I need to talk to you about something. It’s important.”

“Go ahead then. I’m listening.”

“This really isn’t something to discuss over the phone.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Any chance we can meet?”

“Alright, then come to Cali.”

“Look, you don’t want me to bring DEA’s attention to you guys, right?” That’s a valid excuse. With how intensely the DEA is chasing him right now, he will bring more risk to Cali if he travels there, but that’s not the real reason for him. Having this negotiation in Cali will naturally put him at disadvantage. There might be more than one Cali godfather there, and they can decide when and how the meeting will take place, and he might be under their surveillance. In conclusion, he will be at their home where they are in control, and he can’t have that when he’s about to ask again for what he already asked once.

Pacho scoffs, sounding not at all satisfied with the reason he offered. “So what? You expect me to take a trip every time you want to talk?”

Miguel bites his bottom lip, and after a few seconds of hesitation, he decides to push a little harder. He knows that’s highly risky, but what’s not? He can’t be in this business if he doesn’t like risks. “It also wouldn’t be such a bad thing for you to get out of Cali for a little while, no?”

Pacho doesn’t respond immediately, and when he does, his voice becomes clearly firmer, with a threatening undertone. “If you want to say something, just say it.”

“I’m easier to deal with than Escobar, right? And that’s what I want to talk about with you.” He can feel his heart beating faster. He’s never pushed this far with Pacho before, and doing so right now brings him a fascinating mixture of fear and excitement.

“You, want to talk about Escobar, with me.” Pacho doesn’t even phrase that as a question, like he’s literally repeating back to a little kid who doesn’t know what they’re talking about.

Miguel smiles as he confirms with ease. “I do. Are you interested?”

“I sure am now.” The way Pacho says that with unmasked curiosity makes him wonder if the Colombian is a little impressed, or still in utter disbelief.

“The Arellanos are having a party in Tijuana on Thursday night. Sorry it’s a longer trip for you than Guadalajara.” He doesn’t need to say that last part, but he feels like he needs to offer some kind of courtesy or added explanation, since Pacho agreed to come to Mexico.

“Yes, I’m aware.” Pacho says unironically, which somehow makes it even more awkward. “I’ll be there, but it better be an interesting conversation.”

Miguel exhales deeply after he hangs up. This isn’t going to be easy, not just with Pacho. He knows why Benjamín is throwing this party: the Arellanos want to speak with him, about wanting more products, or about their conflicts with Sinaloa, maybe both. Either way the party is just a front, an excuse, just like his own birthday party a few months ago, so Benjamín would certainly not be pleased with him turning Arellano’s party into an opportunity to talk to Pacho.

He could have just asked Pacho to meet privately in Guadalajara on a different day, but he doesn’t want to. There’s no logical explanation of it besides he simply doesn’t want to meet Pacho privately. It’s extremely stupid, he knows, but he also knows that scenario alone will still stir so many unwanted emotions and cloud his judgments. He will get over it soon, but not yet, so he can’t take that risk now.

*

The next two days pass super slowly, not because he doesn’t have much to do, but other things don’t matter nearly as much as the upcoming big event that will determine the future of his organization, or rather, the survival of it.

Miguel was expecting Pacho to arrive very late just like he did last time, so he could talk to Benjamín first and figure out whatever Tijuana wanted. However, to his surprise and everyone else’s, the slick silver sports car pulls over by the entrance almost as soon as the party starts. Not many people other than the Arellanos are there yet, except himself and Amado, who was his ride here.

Both Benjamín and Amado shoot him a confused glance, but he honestly doesn’t know more than they do. He told them he asked Pacho to come, but it’s not like he can fucking control when the Colombian chooses to get here!

Pacho walks towards them, eyes directly fixed on him and him only, so Miguel has no choice but to take a few steps forward, although this isn’t even his party.

“Thank you for the invite, Miguel Ángel.” Pacho shakes his hand first, and then turns to Benjamín. “Nice party. I like the large pool in the back.”

Benjamín also shakes hands with Pacho, and they exchange a few rounds of pleasantries. Honestly, Miguel is glad that this is Benjamín’s party, because he doesn’t even want to think about what would happen if fucking Palma or Acosta were the host. At least Benjamín is able to keep a civil conversation going even when he’s displeased inside.

“As much as I would like to enjoy all these,” Pacho turns back to him, “you have something rather important to discuss, right?”

“Give us one minute.” Miguel gives Benjamín a nod first, and then leads Pacho away from the group, around a large fountain.

He really doesn’t want to talk to Pacho before hearing what Benjamín wants to say, because first, that’s just extremely rude, which doesn’t help his relationship with Tijuana. Second, and more importantly, if he makes it look like Cali is his number one priority, that will make him look weak in front of the plazas, and that is absolutely unacceptable.

“I’m glad you came, but this is still Benjamín’s party, yeah? You and I are both in Tijuana. We don’t have to steal their spotlight this early on.” He gestures to their surroundings, trying to play it casual, like a harmless joke. “Why don’t you have a drink first? Maybe check out the pool?”

Pacho lifts his eyebrows, not even in an offended manner, just truly surprised. “You invited me all the way to Mexico, and you want to talk to someone else first?”

Miguel resists the strong urge to roll his eyes, finding it very difficult to not show frustration. Is Pacho’s time so fucking valuable that he can’t wait ten minutes? Why does he think he can walk into any party whenever he wants, and instantly become the center of attention?

“Look, don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t tell me who I talk to first.” That came out a lot more aggressively than he intended, but it’s too late to take it back, so he silently swallows and keeps his posture.

“I don’t,” Pacho moves one step closer, calm and steady, hands in pockets, yet still looks deadly threatening, “and you don’t tell me to wait.”

With that, the Colombian turns on his heels and walks towards the direction of the entrance where he just came in a few minutes ago. On the other side of the fountain, Benjamín and Amado are staring in shock and confusion.

Something in him snaps.

“I did last time.” He says, already regretting it as the words come out of his mouth. “And you waited.”

He remembers the elevator ride, how he asked Pacho to hold the door and wait, while he told his securities to take the night off. He remembers everything that happened afterwards as much as he tries to forget, all the mesmerizing details reminding him, torturing him day and night, despite his best effort to bury them. They’ve been building, boiling under the surface but he’s been ignoring them, so now everything just erupted like a volcano, at the worst time possible.

*

Pacho stops walking, and Miguel feels his heart stop too. When Pacho turns around, he seriously expects the Colombian to magically pull a gun out of nowhere and shoot him in the face.

But Pacho doesn’t looks like he’s about to commit murder, or any kind of violence. The man’s fucking smiling, not a cold smirk, an actual smile as if he just heard something he really liked, and that’s even creepier.

Miguel almost wants to back away when Pacho approaches him again, still smiling, eyeing him up and down like a hunter appreciating an animal before taking the shot.

Pacho stops right in front of him, barely a few inches away. “What did you mean by that?”

“It wasn’t…” He forces himself to take a deep breath. His hands are sweating. “I didn’t mean for it to come out like that.”

“So what did you mean?”

“Nothing. It didn’t mean anything.” This must be the worst lie ever told in human history, but it’s still better than admitting the truth. “I was just trying to stop you from leaving before we could talk.”

Pacho laughs, eyes sparkling with amusement, but with a sense of cruelty underneath. He has seen that look before, from maniacs who actually take pleasure from torture.

“Well, if you’re so persistent…” Pacho gently brushes the opening of his jacket, twirling the button between his fingers, and it makes his breath hitch, his stomach burn.

“Go talk to whoever you want, I’ll wait.”

*

Benjamín doesn’t know what the fuck just happened, so of course when Pacho walks away and takes a seat at the bar, Benjamín comes over.

Miguel tries to pay close attention to what Benjamín’s saying, if anything as a distraction for himself, but he can’t, not with Pacho still being here and waiting. Waiting to do what, he doesn’t know, but it certainly won’t be just talking.

Part of him feels like he might have just signed his own death sentence, so when Benjamín said Ramón almost lost an eye during a fight with Sinaloa, Miguel didn’t even have the heart to point out the obvious lie. Honestly, it was better than what he came up with earlier.

“From now on, Sinaloa will pay 10% tax for everything they move through Tijuana.” It’s not the worst compromise, and hopefully it will keep both plazas quiet for some time.

“Thank you, Miguel Ángel.” Benjamín says with genuine satisfaction and gratitude. “And about the product, we can take on…”

“Excuse me. We have some very important unfinished business here.”

Pacho suddenly walks right in between them, cutting Benjamín off mid sentence. Within a second, everyone around them falls deadly silent. Benjamín stands there with his mouth slightly open, seemingly too astounded at the moment to take offense. Ramón strides towards them from a few feet away, but thankfully Amado grabs him by the arm, stopping him from making an even bigger scene.

Pacho doesn’t move an inch, as if the whole event is meaningless background noise. “Don’t we, Miguel Ángel?”

The way Pacho stares at him right now really makes him worry that he might get strangled to death right here, on Arellano’s property. He finishes the rest of the whiskey in his glass.

“Yeah?”

“Good.” Pacho brings a hand up to clutch his shoulder, and then slowly leans in. He swallows, silently tightening all the muscles to stop himself from flinching, and prepares to hear whatever dire threat the Colombian whispers to him.

“Tell everyone you’re leaving right now, and I’ll let you fuck me.”

*

Miguel doesn’t know how to explain what just happened in his head. He didn’t even know it was possible, but it felt like he passed out internally while standing and conscious, and just woke up to reality again.

Everyone is still standing in the same position as before, so it couldn’t have been more than a minute or so, but from the look on their faces, his silence is already too long for their comfort. Benjamín cautiously takes a step back from them; Amado is still holding onto Ramón’s arm, but also giving him a very concerned look from a distance.

Miguel adjusts his perfectly fitting jacket, trying to calm his racing heart. No one heard what Pacho just whispered except him. He can just pretend nothing happened. He turns to Pacho and forces out a short laugh. “You can’t be serious.”

Pacho simply keeps staring at him in silence, and all of a sudden, he has an epiphany. Of course Pacho is serious. This is exactly what the Colombian wants! If he does what Pacho tells him to do, there’s no denying how badly he wants the sex, but if he doesn’t, it means he’s too afraid to say yes. For either way he chooses, he can’t win.

The crowd grows visibly more rattled. Even Ramón looks a bit concerned now!

“So?” Pacho speaks again, urging him to make a decision. “What’s it going to be?”

Everyone is watching. He can’t back down. There is no real choice here.

He tightens his grasp on the empty whisky glass, and grabs Pacho’s upper arm with the other hand to move him out of the way, so he’s facing Benjamín again.

“Sorry Benjamín, something urgent just came up. We have to leave now.” Miguel hands the empty glass to a waiter who’s brave enough to approach them. “It’s a nice party. Tell everyone to keep having fun.” As if that’s even possible.

He turns to Pacho again and meets his eyes. He doesn’t miss the glimpse of surprise under all that smugness, and that makes him happy, almost in a vicious way, knowing that maybe Pacho also didn’t expect him to go this far.

“Shall we?” He gestures at the large front gate, in an exaggeratedly polite manner.

Pacho doesn’t seem to be affected by his subtle mocking tone. “After you.”

They walk out side by side, and only when they’re completely outside of the property, Miguel starts to realize there are a bunch of details he hasn’t even thought about. Are they getting in the same car? Where the hell are they even going?!

“I suppose you must have some place in Tijuana.” Pacho leans on a wall and takes out a cigarette, somehow just reading his mind.

He does, but he hasn’t been there himself in over two years. Has anyone even been taking care of that apartment?

Pacho blows out a puff of smoke and chuckles. “What, too many houses to keep track of?”

It doesn’t sound malicious, and at this point, he kind of figures that’s just how Pacho jokes or flirts, which is fucking awful. At the same time, he can’t help but wonder, does Pacho really feel so safe to just go anywhere with him in Mexico? Is he not seen as a threat at all?

“Come on, Miguel Ángel.” Pacho drops the half finished cigarette and steps on it. “Do you always take this long before getting into action?”

He’s about to lose his temper when his driver pulls over, giving him a well-timed distraction.

“Are you getting in?” Miguel asks Pacho as the driver opens the door for him.

Pacho smiles and walks towards his own sports car right behind. “Lead the way.”

*

The party is still silent for quite a while after Miguel and Pacho left. Ramón doesn’t like that. Who likes a dead party?

“What, did they go have a fucking duel or something?”

It’s obviously a joke, but Benjamín gives him that look which Ramón has seen him give to little kids.

“Tranquilo hermano.” He laughs and pats Benjamín on the shoulder and walks to the bar. If he’s the only fun person in this entire fucking business, so be it.

Tag list: @ashlingiswriting @narcolini @yourlocalspacewitxch @drabbles-mc @mandaloria314 @alreadywritten @sikkui @cherixrosa @cositapreciosa @criatividad-e @dashavau @anunhealthydoseofangst (let me know if you want to be added or removed from the tag list of this story)

[ohleander]

2.9.23

Ive been in freeze mode for a couple of days and it kinda has me a bit shook. I'm still trying to learn to keep myself and body calm but my hormones definitely feel more out of control than I'd like. A little over a year ago I thought to myself that taking testosterone might be a good option for me but I also wanted to understand my body and my baseline better before I made changes to it.. I try to respect and understand my body for what it is, but sometimes I do want to change things. I often find myself feeling the best when I have more testosterone in my cycle and less so during the other parts of my cycle. The other parts are where I feel absolutely out of my mind and I cant take it, I've read where a lot of people who start taking T feel better and more "normal" and I wonder if that would be true for me. I'm kinda interested in a low-dose to start with. I also often feel sooo disconnected from my physical body, though I try to have respect for it as well. I wonder if I'll ever get to feeling okay with myself. I still crave so much external validation. Still learning to give it to myself. Learning to not give everything I have to others has been intense. Keeping things for myself is certainly a practice.. But here I find myself holding onto so much that I either don't want or don't even realize. I still find myself shaming myself over certain things. Its silly and I'd like to keep letting go. I'll most likely always feel a bit unsure. I'll most likely always feel a bit uncomfortable. Is that my baseline? I really want so much more for myself but why don't I feel like I deserve to go after it? Why do I feel like me taking up space will take space away from others? Why do I think making room for others instead of myself is more valid? Isn't there room for us all? That's a mindset thing I'd like to change.

I don't know why all of this serious self reflection always flows right out of me. I'd like to write about other things sometime but things just don't flow so easily like they do when I think of this serious stream of consciousness stuff.

Right now I really am just kinda taking it one day at a time.. I can only do so much.. and as always I feel like I'm bracing for something big that's coming next. Its hard for me to feel okay when I feel like I cant keep up with the modern world and it makes me not even want to try. I've still got to find another way. Another way that's more effortless.

Also these days I'm feeling more clueless.. I reckon thats fine. I'm really looking to simplify my mind.. I thought it was my duty to be the wise wizard type, the nurturer but lawd.. the minute I try, it feels like something I dont want to do. I think its my self destructive tendencies.. why actually succeed and risk being a hated fool when you can self sabotage and stay ~ in control~ of your vibe, amiright? I also fear that when I'm not paying attention others will point out something I didnt see and I'll feel so dumb.. and maybe thats okay.. I fear my boss coming in and telling me I'm not doing enough.. I fear the unpredictable rejection.. unpredictable rejection is a tender core wound of mine..

I find myself faced with learning all the things I did not get during my formative times.. learning all the things and ways in which I fell short and was fallen short.. its easy to blame the parents and the way you were raised.. nurture and nature are both important. I'm still coming to understand my nature. I wish I could see myself as a valid person who can be seen in this world but I just want to nestle back and be as opposite from the vibe as possible. Modern life has you feelin guilty over NOT sharing your life.. I dont have anything to hide, I just dont really want to be SEEN so much.. just by the right people.

I'm allowed to dream big and I'm allowed to be absolutely grand and silly with it. I believe I am worthy of my biggest dreams and dreaming big is not selfish nor does it take anything away from anyone else.

LA

[jodybensonsharp]

For The Most Up-to-date Knowledge About Lead Generation, This Article Is Where It's At

Jody Benson Sharp Proficient tips provider.Have you always dreamed of owning your own business? Are you wondering what all you need to know to get started? One important aspect of owning a business is generating new leads. This article has some great suggestions to help you out. Keep reading to learn about applying these ideas.

Use social media as a lead generation tool. In social media, you need to not only build a presence, you also need to build a community. It's an opportunity to build trust which will lead to more and more leads coming your way. Don't just look at the obvious social media channels. Consider them all.

Look into opportunities where you may be able to pay for leads. Paying for leads is not a bad thing at all. In fact there are many companies out there that can deliver you leads at a surprisingly low cost. Just do your homework before signing up with anyone. There are scams out there.

Always seek validation of lead information. Verifying real-time information for a lead is important. If you take the time to make sure that you have a good phone number, zip code and/or email, you can ensure that the lead you have is strong. Not doing so can waste a lot of your time.

Know going in that lead generation is a time consuming and ongoing process. It's not a set it and forget it situation. You need to work at it. It takes building trust and thought leadership in the markets in which you sell. Be patient and work hard and you'll really reap the rewards.

Check out local events in order to maximize your leads. If you're allowed to have a table there, you could hand out pamphlets and hold a giveaway. Just ask people to leave their name and email in return for a ballot, but be sure to let them know if you'll be adding them to a mailing list.

Your customer base is going to be loyal to you and help you get new leads. You can accelerate this aspect of lead generation by doing different things. For example, you can start a referral program. Referral programs reward your current customer base for helping you find new customers out there.

Stop trying to butter customers up! When you need to generate more leads, use a direct approach with them, because chances are good that neither you nor they have a lot of time for small talk and schmoozing. Get to your point, offer a great price for clicking the "buy now" icon and get better results.

Create a local reciprocal referral database for yourself and other local businesses. You can set it up on Google Documents and ask people you know to join it. If you know someone who needs dental work you can refer them to a dentist on the list and, if he knows someone who needs you he'll, do the same.

People are always looking to get things done quickly. That being said, every site has phone and email contact information. What if you have a live chat option available? This can help you cater to short attention spans of visitors who would like to ask you a few anonymous questions quickly. You would be surprised how this can generate new leads and create impulsive sales like you wouldn't believe.

Generating leads can happen when you talk to your customers. Knowing what drew your customers or what drives them within your niche can be very useful. This can allow you to tailor your lead generation to target that customer niche. This allows you to better separate your leads for each marketing push.

Jody Benson Sharp Most excellent service provider.Use time sensitive offers to generate more valuable leads for your business. Since people usually want what they can't have, they will be more likely to sign-up if they know the offer is set to disappear. Stay true to your word and dissolve the offer at your stated deadline, then count your new leads!

Mark lead generation down on your calendar. Bombarding potential leads with reading material wills send them running in the other direction. Apply a schedule that allows for both to be truly professional. It also helps you stop yourself from spending time and effort on those who are not interested.

Start a newsletter and send it out to your current clients. You can also send them to those who have brought in referrals in the past, and even people who just happen to live near you. If you make it concise and clear people will read it, and you might get some new leads.

Remember to consider your timing and not just your content. Great content will only be effective if it arrives to a lead at a time when they need it and will consider it carefully. When is the best time to market to your potential leads? Think about who you are marketing to in order to decide this.

Test your lead generation marketing campaigns. Sometimes simply changing a call-to-action or offer will lead to a whole lot more leads being generated. You won't know unless you test. You should always be testing something. This can have immediate and lasting effects on the leads being generated by your company.

Offer up freebies in return for contact information. For example, create a giveaway of a product you sell for those who submit their email address. You could give away a free ebook or a free consultation while building your email mailing list and generating a ton of new leads.

As you consider who to exchange links with, think about your local status. If you are a landscaper, you have no interest in advertising yourself in another area. As a result, exchanging links with a landscaper who isn't within your geographic area means you both get SEO benefits and potential leads without competing with each other.

Jody Benson Sharp Expert tips provider.As you can see, lead generation is a necessary aspect of your business. Taking the time to learn about lead generation will pay off in the long run. The more successful you are in applying them, the greater your customer base will become. Start implementing all of these ideas today.

[92fs]

TRANS CHARACTERS FOR TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY

MIHAEL KEEHL [ MELLO ] - TRANSMAN 

Mello is a good example of a transman in media who does not conform to the commonly accepted ideas of cis-centric masculinity. Despite his appearance, which can be considered gender non-confirming, he speaks of himself with male-gendered speech and so do other characters in the series. I think it’s important to pay attention to trans representation that focuses on longer-haired, stylish transmen who retain their masculine identities in full. We exist, and our appearance does not define our identities. 

Here’s why I think Mello is afab transman going by he/him: 

His physical appearance. Mello, unlike other male characters, has a visible breast-like shape in his silhouette both in the sketches by the creator and the official references for the TV series. This makes me think that Mello is afab and binding under his clothes, which we never see off. 

His usage of pronouns without confirmed agab. Mello only ever uses  僕 - boku and  自分 - jibun - to describe himself in the Japanese original. Both of these terms are masculine, but we’re never truly told Mello’s assigned gender at birth as nothing like a personal info file is ever shown to us in canon. That’s why I consider it a plausible possibility for Mello to be afab and referring to himself with male-gendered speech because he’s trans. 

His height. A lot of transmen, including myself, struggle with passing due to being shorter than an average cis man is, which is a case for Mello as well. He’s often shown wearing heels and boots with platform to appear taller, too. I am counting it as a reason why he’s likely afab. 

His need for validation in traditionally masculine circles/ways. Mello appears to be searching for traditionally - one can even say toxically - masculine validation all throughout his presence in the series. As a child, he’s shown bullying other kids whereas as a grown adult he takes up a domineering position of a leader of a gang, in which all members are visibly bigger, taller, and stronger than him. That, combined with his inferiority complex, is something I count as a point for him being secretly insecure about his identity and needing to constantly reestablish it through acts of - mostly physical - domination. 

Unfortunately, we aren’t shown Mello interact with many characters nor generally appear often enough to say more about him. I do believe the way he speaks, is spoken of, the way he appears and the sort of validation he seeks out together are enough to see him as representation for a specific group of transmen. Just like with another character in the series who @4tali​ made a post on as a collaboration with me, Mello doesn’t seem to want to appear traditionally masculine in anything but his actions and personality. 

I think it’s important to remember transmen like this exist, are valid, and shouldn’t be misgendered and judged for not wanting to conform with cis-centric gender norms. 

[thenovelartist]

ABC Fluff Headcanons - Vyn Richter - Tears of Themis

A = Admiration (what do they absolutely adore about you?)

If this was a fairytale, it would be Beauty and the Beast. Except he was simply the Beast and you were his magic rose he got to watch bloom. But instead of watching you under glass, he preferred it to be removed, even if it shredded your innocence in the process, but oh, watching you grow anyways, both blooming beautifully while growing fierce thorns to warn anyone before they touch, just to spite the adversity you were faced with was his truest pleasure. Your fortitude; that was what he truly admired about you.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

You’d think it’s your eyes, being the windows to the soul and all. But you’d be wrong; it’s your hands. Specifically, your tender touch. It’s gentle, warm, and safe. Being able to hold your hand feels intimate for him, and he actually enjoys when you tap his arm to get his attention, then let your hand linger when he gives it. It’s like a reward and a comfort all in one.

C = Cuddling (how do they like to cuddle?)

He does enjoy a good cuddle, but hugging you from behind might be his favorite. Whether sitting together on the couch with you on his lap or spooning you in bed, he likes when he can nuzzle the side of your head or rest his chin on your shoulder.

D = Dates (what does their ideal date with you look like?)

He will have planned this to a T because he’s not much for spontaneity. And it would involve a walk together, flowers, and he will either have made you a dessert or the two of you will make something together. It’s something quiet and intimate for you to enjoy time together, talking about anything and nothing while the date is riddled with affectionate touches and some kisses.

E = Emotions (how do they express emotion around you?)

Good grief, this man’s emotions are… complicated. He’s very logical, but he’s not ignorant to his emotions. It doesn’t seem like it, but he frequently tempers them, only to bring them up again in full when he records his diary so that he’s able to manage them.

But you have ruined him. His carefully kept emotional balance has been thrown to the wind. You make him feel intensely and strongly, to the point it almost trumps his logic, which makes him uncomfortable. His diaries have been getting longer as his inner turmoil increases, and that’s all your fault. It’s something you notice, too, watching his even temperament waver more and more frequently around you as the emotion inside him wars with his rationality. You will have to give this man time. Time to open up and be honest with himself, and you, about his emotions. Be prepared to validate his emotions in his moments of weakness. It’s the only way he’ll get better about honestly expressing them to you.

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

He wouldn’t be opposed to staying childless. He also wouldn’t be opposed to having a child, and you could probably talk him into two if the first goes well. Little humans would be fascinating studies, after all. (“Dear, do not psycho-analyze the children.��)

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

He does not care for trinkets. Nor does he care about giving you them. Gifts should be practical.

At least… that’s what he likes to think. His one exception to this is when he gives you something to wear. It’s his way of marking you and wearing it will spark a possessive streak in him.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they like to hold hands?)

He likes—no, needs to be either touching or holding your hand in quiet, private moments. And he wants to hold your hand when he’s jealous. Especially when he’s jealous. And you know when he is because he holds tight as though reminding you that you’re his while also sending passive-aggressive signals to the cause of his jealousy. When you’re just out walking, he will sometimes hold your hand, but he also likes when you loop your hands over his elbow and he can escort you like a proper gentleman. (It also causes you to pull yourself in close to him, so he actually quite enjoys when you do that.)

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

Depends. Minor cuts or burns are treated with care and, occasionally, a kiss. Get into an accident, and he gets shockingly worried about you. However, if you end up hurt because of a reason to do with NXX, he’ll be sick with emotions. Guilt, fear, anger; all of them brew for a deadly concoction. He will not rest, even to the point of abusing his own body, until he finds the person who hurt you and sees to it they are paying dearly for their crime.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

He doesn’t always joke around, but when he does… this man is a wicked tease. Don’t expect to get off the hook easily. You better learn how to tease back, or he’ll use words and puzzles to twist you exactly where he wants you, which normally is you as a blushing, stuttering mess.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

Sweet kisses off-the-cuff are quite nice, and so are the passionate ones, but the ones he likes best are the slow, lingering ones that take place hidden away in your own world. They convey so much with no words. There’s no frantic holding or clinginess. Rather, it feels like a moment of security, coming together and staying. He likes the comfort they provide him and the way they actually settle his heart.

L = Love Confession (how do they confess?)

He actually was super nervous to confess. He’ll have practiced and planned this confession before it happens. Which you never would have guessed because it was in such a smooth conversation during one of your outings that he admitted he held feelings of a romantic nature for you.

M = Marriage (What does the wedding look like?)

He wants it small, intimate, and preferably outdoors in a garden. He wants it nice but not overly fancy. He won’t fuss over the smaller details. Besides, he doesn’t realize it yet, but he will barely remember anything beyond how utterly stunning you look in your wedding dress, anyway.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

He hates being a failure, but if he’s everput in a position where he fails you, he will never forgive himself.

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

This man has literal decks of cards of only one kind of card. You want a 52 card deck with all ace of hearts? He has that. Ten of spades? He has that too. Four of clubs? Yup. You don’t know why he has them, and he won’t tell you, but you think it’s literally just because he’s highly amused the way you wrack your brain over it.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

He’s classic. Love, Dear, Darling, Sweetheart. But he’s half-German (At least, that is my best speculation considering he was called “Vilhelm” and is canonly mixed-race), so “Liebling” is also an endearment he calls you, and my guess is he saves that one strictly for the sweetest, most tender moments you share.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

Calm setting, electronics put away, and preferably some form of physical contact with you. This could be working together in the garden, side by side, or going out to walk around town together, but those are not his favorite. Baking with you is one of his top ones, though. Expect him to tap some sort of batter or frosting on your nose. His other favorite is lounging together on the couch, your back leaning against his chest, and just talking. Communication is important to any relationship, and he finds it a joy to communicate with you.

R = Romance (how do they show their love and affection?)

He’s the kind that shows his affection by giving you his time and attention. He’ll show it in the little touches exchanged back and forth and in the way he’s attentive to your well-being, particularly your mental well-being.

He’ll also show he loves you by playing mind games on you until you’re a blushy, stuttering mess. He’s usually forgiven with a kiss and “I love you”. You know you’re too soft on him, but whattcha gonna do?

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

He is an onion you have to peel back layer by layer to get to open up to you. And like an onion, there’s likely going to be some tears shed as you do that. Time will determine how many secrets he’s willing to share with you, and it’s likely going to take years for him to fully open up to you. But keep at it. You will be rewarded with his innermost thoughts and feelings and the discovery of how insecure this seemingly unflappable man is.

T = Time (how long did it take you to get together?)

This man doesn’t believe in love at first sight, but falling hard and fast for you? That he did. One of his biggest hurdles he had to get over was logically evaluating his feelings and what he thought your feelings for him were as well as coming to terms with the way he’s been treated in past relationships (And not just romantic ones. He has an… interesting way of creating carefully crafted ties to people.) So it might take a little time for him to get comfortable enough to ask you out. And throughout the relationship, he’ll probably still be working with his past demons, so be prepared for that.

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

He’ll comfort you the best way he can if you’re a sad upset. A mad upset, and he’ll probably give you a little space to work yourself out while offering his guidance. And upset at him? This is where a good chunk of your arguments happen, to be honest. So then you both have to calm down before coming together again and talking it out. But you always do and are stronger for it.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

He’ll never admit it, but he loveswhen he can leave you impressed. It thrills him if he can show off a trick or his general intelligence and have you praise him for it. Occasionally, he’ll search for ways to impress you just because he wants that attention. But never will he admit it.

W = Warrior (how do they feel about you fighting? Would they fight for you, beside you, etc?)

Well…he’s all okay with fighting as long as it’s not physical fighting. If you’re going to verbally spar with someone, he’s more than happy to let you go, and he takes pride in the fact you usually wipe the floor with your opponent. But the moment it’s going to turn into a physical altercation, he’s your shield. Part of him thinks that in times he is unfortunately not around, it might be good to have some self-defense under your belt, but at the same time, he’d rather you just flee instead of fight. Because he knows you well enough that if you had the ability, you’d probably knock someone’s lights out if they came at you.

X = X-Ray (how well are they able to read you?)

He’s a psychologist; he can already read you well. But on top of that, you are his favorite study, and he will catalogue everything he learns about you away to pull out for future reference. So while he already reads you well early on into your relationship, give it a few years and you have basically no secrets from this man.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

He will never forget the “surprise over romance” opinion on proposals you shared with him. So, determined to give you the best, he sets up an elaborate puzzle for you, getting all the important people in your life to get in on it. Together, the two of you will trapeze the town hunting down little clues—in places, that you only realize later, hold significance to both of you—before he’ll “conveniently” take his leave so you can finish out the last leg, which ultimately ends up leading you to his office, the place you first met. And there he is, sitting behind a house of cards sits made solely from the Ace of Hearts with a ring in the middle of the top tier which was made from two different cards: the king and queen. Only once you realize that and he revels in your joy and tears will he properly get on one knee and ask you to marry him.

Z = Zen (what makes them feel calm?)

When everything is “right” in his world. His patients are doing well, he’s got no massive cases on his plate, nothing requires his immediate attention, and you are close by, doing well in your own right.

[jadethest0ne]

What do you think of the pacing of the 03 TMNT show? I really like the character interpretations in that show, but I kinda stopped watching at a certain point because parts of the story just felt so slow/dull. Like, the finale of season one reaaaally didn’t need to be like four parts long IMO. Still like 03’s takes on the characters though.

I actually think it is incredibly well-paced for the type of show that it is, both in the overall story flow and within each episode/arc. I notice it most in the fight scenes, which I think are choreographed well to keep up the tension despite often running on long. I'm not sure I'd characterize the pacing as "slow", but instead say it is very deliberate.

However, I think I see your point (or maybe I'm having a different problem from a similar source), and that is the nature of the pacing including long-running arcs and storylines that one needs to watch multiple episodes of to get a complete story. I don't think that's a bad thing, and actually I'd say '03 was rather ahead of its time for cartoons in this way. But one's enjoyability of it is definitely dependent on whether or not you like that kind of story-telling.

I will admit, that's what has kept me from watching TMNT '03 in the past - it is much more difficult to pick up, and I don't always have the time, energy, or focus to sit through a 4-part story arc, which then sometimes runs into another several-episode arc. To put this in perspective, this is roughly my fourth attempt to watch the entire series, and this is the farthest I've gotten so far.

This majorly differs from the '87 cartoon which was honestly, very easy to just throw on an episode or two, especially when several of said episodes may be very low stakes or more fun and not hugely plot-heavy that I have to devote my full attention towards.

And it also differs greatly from Rise, which goes mostly in short 11-minute episode spurts of highly frenetic and fast-paced story-telling and action. Which I do have to pay more attention to, but to which I don't have to devote as much time.

I don't think the differences are bad though, nor does it (to me, at least) make it a dull or boring series to watch, it's just something that I have to devote more brain-energy towards, when sometimes I just want a goofy episode about the turtles having to babysit an alien baby ('87) or Leo growing cursed hair (Rise).

I didn't mean to make this this long, but your question got me thinking. Because on the one hand, I totally get where you're coming from, and I kind of wanted to pick apart why I also have had issues getting into and watching TMNT 2003. So a lot of this rambling was me, kind of figuring out the answer as I went along, haha. But on the other hand, I don't think that makes it a bad or dull show. Slow doesn't have to be a bad thing; it doesn't mean that the moments in it are not important. I think that's just TMNT '03's style. It knows what it is and it is very deliberate about the pacing choices it makes, which I think is a sign of good writing.

I think sometimes it's just a matter of taste, and if it doesn't hold your interest, that's totally valid!

Thanks for asking me a question and letting me get super introspective about this!

[misselko]

LIONESS

Warnings: Angst, fluff, small violence

Words: 20.130

 

“Begin.”

Loud clashing of lances can be heard through Garreg Mach hallway.

The red-haired skirt chaser barely able to hear you said it when you rushed him. Sylvain knew that he should focus on his strikes.  He didn’t have time to be impressed at this small, petite girl that is jabbing her lance so fast against him. Devastatingly fast. And strikingly strong. ‘It is such a wonder how a small, petite body like hers held so much power’. That’s the last thing that passed his mind before (Y/N)’s lance has cracked so loudly against his that he thought it might snap. Beautiful, fierce, deadly (E/C) orbs that staring into his soul has captivated the Gautier heir and got him hard knock on his shin, felling him over.

“Whoa there! I yield. You do like it rough, don’t you, (Y/N)?” Sylvain raise his hands on the air with and winks seductively. Rolling your eyes, you put a light tap on his neck at his remarks.

“Though she be but little, she is fierce. (Y/N) is the youngest among us, but she is indeed a Lioness!” Dimitri claps over your third in a row winning for today. You beat Felix in sword and Dimitri in the lance spar.

“That’s what you get for skipping classes, Sylvain. And.. keep up with your solid techniques, excellent moves, and rapid quick footwork, (Y/N). That’s all for our combat class today,” said Professor.

“She’s a few inch shorter than me but she had effortlessly defeated Blue Lions’ strongest lancer and swordsman! That’s my favourite lil sis (Y/N) for you!! ” said Annette giddily. She hugs you in a death grip embrace and sings her silly song.

Everyone are so nice to you, to the point of spoiled rotten! Especially Ingrid and Mercie! They are like your big sisters, always offering their help to ride pegasi and give endless supplies of baked sweets that you love very much. Felix is kinda harsh and always eager to spar with you, but he’s the first person to get angry when someone bullies you because you are so small. So kind, almost feel like a big brother! Dimitri helps you with your late night studies and picking books in the higher shelves on the library a lot. Dedue and Ashe cook dinner together with you on your duty day.

They see (Y/N) as the sweet smol bean that has to be protected at all cost!

“Are you free tonight, Munchkin?” Care to join me to visit the town and get something to eat? I know this little restaurant that has nice dessert! My treat, of course! Think of it as a token of congratulations from me on your brilliance today!” Sylvain put his hand on your shoulder in a friendly gesture and wink seductively.

“Seteth will scold us for sure, Syl! This is the fourth or fifth time we went for a late dinner this week,” you pout at his invitation. “He won’t. I’ll walk you back before curfew as usual. Don’t want my Kitten to get  hurt on her way back. Night walk can be dangerous, you know.”

“Why you are being so nice to me, Syl... Your girls will be upset and kill me for sure.”

“Nah.. I don’t have any! It would be a shame to waste such a beautiful evening alone. Besides, I don’t want to let my Munchkin starved in her sleep! Not to mention that you just looked awfully cute with your cheeks stuffed.” You smacked his shin and rewarded with a loud yelp from him.  “Lead the way. And.. it’s not like I like it or something like that, you know! Don’t get any wrong ideas,” you hide your blush and took his huge hand in your tiny ones.

The food was delightful as usual and Sylvain stay true to his words about going back before the curfew.

As you both closed the large door’s that marked the dormitory, you were greeted by the crisp spring night. Warm wind passed over your forms, and crickets chirped in the night.

“While we’re at it, how about a little board games rematch at my quarters? I got a new strategy to show you, Syl!”

“Bring it on then, (Y/N)! Let’s bring some sweet buns as usual to snack on later as well, then.”

“It’s a deal!”

“I’d think playing it on the bed would be more comfortable than doing it on the floor. You might catch another cold and passed out like last month in my room. It scared the living daylights out of me! Nope, never trying that again.”

“It’s not fun being frail and get sick easily.” You sigh.

“No problem. Think of it as a good chance for me to get to carry you around in my arms. For our weddi-- Ouch!!” he faux a sad face melodramatically when you punch his hand away playfully. “You might be small and petite but these hands are a force to be reckoned with. You’re as strong as a lioness,” said the philanderer as he ruffled your hair affectionately.

 

It was such a beautiful night.

---

“Do you have a moment, Miss (Y/N)? I have something important to tell you regarding my research and your Crest. We can discuss it in more detailed manner in my research room,” Professor Hanneman ask you out of the blue after the afternoon battle strategy class.

 

“Crest? But I’m sure I don’t have any, Professor! It’s stated as clear as a day in my enrollment documents, isn’t it?”

 

“There’s a mistake, Miss (Y/N). And I sworn it on my name as the Father of Crestology, you do HAVE a Crest. A Major one at that! Congratulations! I have sent a letter to your family and inform other Professors and your House Leader regarding this matter. I have my suspicion about your Crests since I watch your  prowess at combat and when it activates, the timing, and the flash of....”

 

You are a bit shocked about this and decided to ignore this fact, having a hard time to process this shocking information. Your family and other members of Blue Lions will be very surprised of this information. Is it going to be a good thing or not? Professor Hanneman’s murmurs fell on your deaf ears as you politely excuse yourself out of his room. ‘It’ll be better to keep this as a secret to avoid unwanted attention nor unnecessary commotion’ you think to yourself.

---

Moons have passed. Then the night of the ball came. Urged by your curiosity, you are eager to wait for your true love at the Goddess Tower. You were hardly expecting to see Sylvain, of all people. The surprise at seeing each other was mutual. The both of you stood there for a moment, simply enjoying the scene before you. You wrapped your arms around yourself to stave off the chill that went down your spine, shuffling closer to the older man.

 

“Do you even believe the rumors about this place?” he asked as he lay his uniform coat over your shivering form. “My curiosity gets the best of me. But am glad to find you here, Syl.”

 

“Huh.” Sylvain went quiet, his face etched with contemplation. After he thought about it a little, he let out a huff of breath and frowned.

 

“Well, the person I’m interested in... is already here. You’re here alone. I’m here alone. I was thinking maybe....”

“Wait. Me?”

“Well, of course! We’re the only two people here, aren’t we? I keep thinking about it, and it just makes sense. My Crest and yours...”

“How did you...?”

“Dimitri told me. I have confirmed it with Professor Hanneman as well. A Major one, he said. So lucky.”

He looked down at you menacingly. Your eyes were averted away from his, looking away into the distance. “What do you mean? I’m still me, Syl.  Crest or no Crest.”

Despite your dismissive answer, something changed in his expression. He took his hands from behind his neck and stalked towards you. This wasn’t at all like the kind and flirty Sylvain you loved. He’s... different.

“You know what? I’m a bit jealous. The whole time you were growing up, you never knew you had a Crest. You were free. Nobody pretended to like you. I kind of hate you for that...” he slammed you hard against the wall behind you. Strangled pained noise came from you.

His knees rest on either side of your petite body and his arms cage your head, his much bigger hand grasp yours roughly. “All you’re worth to me is a little bit of fun. We’ve been having fun, haven’t we? I thought that you understood,” Sylvain’s face a mere inch from yours, glaring daggers at you. You can feel your tears begin welling, threatening to spill at his words.

 

“Is that really what you think of me? I thought... I was different. So… our friendship has just been for nothing?” you muttered quietly, holding back your sobs.

 

He scoffed. “Of course you are. You’re just some dumb noble looking for crest babies. You never meant anything to me.” His rejection was validation of your worst fear, that you were just like every other girl. Your friendship had all fallen apart and meant nothing for him.

 

“Playing around with girls is the most fun a guy can have. Besides, I don’t care what you think of me. I don’t intend to change how I live my life. I’m a good-for-nothing, if you haven’t noticed, but I’m still a noble with a Crest. That’s all anyone cares about. It’s best to avoid getting too serious with fools like me.” His expression darkens and unreadable. The carefree mask was long gone.

 

“My Crest bring me nothing but pain. I thought maybe...if I made someone else suffer, it might help me feel better.” His hand shot up and grabbed you by your throat. Sylvain held you in front of him, tightened his grip, choking you hard. His caramel eyes glowed dark with excitement.

 

“Unnnghhh......Syl....”

You tried to squirm away but he clamped his hand tighter, making it harder for you to breathe. Your legs felt weak and limp. The pain was too intense.

 

“You were a spoiled brat who should pay for that Crest. Maybe I’ll collect the debt.” His expression dark as he looked up at you.

 

Focusing yourself, you punch his jaw as hard as you can. To your surprise, a blinding flash of your Crest shows up when you smack him as hard as you can, making Sylvain flinch in pain, dropping you with a loud thud on the cold floor. You stumbled back and dropped to your knees. Gasping for air, you tried to rub the pain from your throat, doing your best to pick yourself up.

 

“Sylvain Jose Gautier!  I care not for your Crest nor title! It means nothing to me. I like.. no, love you because you are the strongest, kindest, funniest, and the most caring person that I know. Even you are such a skirt chaser, but you always very considerate and protective of me. I never felt this way before about someone. This is my first time but... This… This was a mistake. Sorry. I hope.. you find your own happiness someday,” you said, your voice is raspy from his deadly grip and your sadness. Tears were finally flowing freely from you.

 

Sylvain’s posture becoming rigid despite his feigned relaxed position. “H-hey,” Sylvain said, his voice softened somewhat. “Please, don’t cry. I’m sorry...”, he tried to pat your head, but you step back instinctively. The red head flinch and turned away when he saw angry purplish hue on your neck. Guilt began creeping on his conscience.

 

“I believe you. You’re not a bad person, Sylvain, no matter what anyone says. I care about you. Our friendship, dinners, late nights walk and banters... I cherished them a lot. Really, I do. I love you, Sylvain.” You couldn’t meet his eyes, couldn’t look at anything besides the floor. “That’s what I came to tell you, but... nevermind. Good night, Syl. I’ll see you tomorrow in class.”

 

“Did you mean that? (Y/N), wait!” He spoke with disbelief.

“Why would I lie?” you asked, hardly audible. “Goodbye, Syl.”

 

His pleas fell on deaf ears as you dash yourself as fast as possible from Goddess Tower, locking yourself inside your quarters, clutching to Sylvain’s uniform coat, while crying yourself to sleep.

---

That’s the last thing that you can remember from your Academy Days. Things were never the same since that night. You never talk to the playboy ever again since that incident. No more night walks or late board games. When you have to work together in weekly duty, there’s an unseen awkward distance and heavy tension between you two.

 

The notorious philanderer went back into his old ways, going around with a different girl each day. You often catch him glimpse at you with eyes full of remorse and sadness (mostly when he thinks you aren’t looking or noticing). Everyone in the Blue Lions noticed the changes between your relationship but being very considerate of your feelings and trying to not mention anything about it.

 

Your Father called you back home because of his grave illness in Pegasus Moon, insisting you to leave the Officers Academy behind. Blue Lions was taken aback and sad with your abrupt leave. Going back to your home in Fhirdiad, days flies in a blur motion into moons and years.

---

It’s been 5 years since you left your Academy days in Garreg Mach.

A bloody coup led by Cornelia causes Duke Rufus and Dimitri both to be apparently killed. Her  tyranny left Fhirdiad in poor state with poverty and famine. Holy Kingdom of Faerghus thrown into disarray condition with their Prince’s disappearance. The nation is plagued by civil strife and hardship.

 

With the vast majority of the former Kingdom lords having bent the knee to the overwhelming power of the Empire, all Blaiddyd territory, including the Kingdom capital, is ruled by those who are cooperating with the Empire, and is thus renamed the Faerghus Dukedom. Houses Fraldarius and Gautier were left to spearhead the resistance as the primary opponents of the Dukedom.

 

As the legitimate Marchioness of your major noble house in Blaiddyd territory after her Father’s passing, (Y/N) decided to keep on fighting against Empire until the bitter end, along with Houses of Fraldarius, Gautier, and Galatea. You keep maintain close relationships them, mostly with the neighbouring Houses, Fraldarius and Galatea. Whether it may be reinforcements soldiers to House Fraldarius or stock supplies to House Galatea, you are so much eager to give it all (sometimes by going there personally—much to your advisors’ dismay) to aid them.  Being always giving or adding the most relevant information about current war state developments made you overjoyed when you heard about the news of Dimitri’s plan to recapture Fhirdiad.

---

It’s been forever since your last time fighting on the battlefield. Reclaiming the capital is a daunting task with shortage of soldiers and resources. Rodrigue’s death is a devastating blow to Faerghus’ military strength and resources. Not to mention that House Gautier and Galatea has any resources to spare. With limited resource of your own House, you decided to prioritize evacuation of Faerghus’ citizens and helping Blue Lions to the utmost.

 

Dimitri marches for Fhirdiad, causing the oppressed citizens to revolt against Cornelia’s tyranny People are rebelling against Cornelia and Fhirdiad has turned into a gruesome battlefield. Fire was everywhere The sound of metals echoed loudly in your ears. Large Titanus crowded the streets and wreaking havoc upon buildings and citizens. With your sword in your hands, you leap and cut through Kingdom Soldiers that is preparing to activate Viskam turrets against Felix.

 

You pushed forward with great caution. When you are done helping a pair of elders and children under the rubbles to evacuate, you saw him. Sylvain. Fighting over a mage and a large Titanus all by himself. Did he get separated? He barely dodged a fireball when you strike down that mage.

 

“Munchki--!” He gasped, surprised to see you back.

“Watch out, Syl!”

You leap in front of him, parrying and slash back at the Titanus’ large appendages that is going to smash him. Sylvain cast a Ragnarok and taking down the golem-like creature with a loud explosion, sending flying debris everywhere. He gasped, grabbed your arm and pulled you out of the way. 

 

“Ugh... that hurts. Are you okay, Munchkin?” He was trapped under the rubbles and the first thing that he asked is your safety?

“W-why did you do that, Syl? You got hurt protecting me. Didn’t you want to kill me?”, you said as you helped him out from the rubble.  Fortunately he is okay aside from a few scratch and bruises.

 

“When I thought you were going to be killed for real, my reflexes kicked in. I reacted without thinking. It doesn’t mean I’ve stopped being jealous of you. But, come on, I can’t help looking up to you.” He look at you with eyes full of worry and sadness.

 

“Sylvain..... Well.. It’s been awhile, but as much as I want to chat with you, we have to help Professor and Dimitri first. Cornelia has brought us so many sufferings. Now’s the time to put an end to all of this. And... thank you, Syl.” He nods and push forward to throw his lance at a Pegasus Knight that is fighting against Ingrid.

 

“I will go to deactivate Titanus’ lever. I know its location and it will help everyone tremendously against that gigantic monster! I’ll open Fhirdiad’s secret passages within my House territory to help everyone to get better access to Cornelia. When I’m done with it, I’ll regroup with reinforcement soldiers from my House to evacuate more citizens on the east side of Royal Capital, then go to help Dimitri fighting against Cornelia. See you later, Syl. Please stay safe.” You bid your farewell and run through smaller alley path, doing your missions, leaving Sylvain astonished at your very thorough, detailed plans.

 

Without the Titanus, Cornelia only has archers as her backups. As you take the archers down with Felix and Annette, Professor and Dimitri are working together to close in on her and take her down. It was a gruesome battle, but thanks to everyone’s efforts, casualties were kept to minimum and reclaiming Fhirdiad is a big success after Cornelia has been defeated.

---

It may be spring, but the nights are quite chilly here in Fhirdiad. The people are rejoicing at the return of their King. After a hard won battle of reclaiming Royal Capital of Fhirdiad, celebratory feast shows no sign of stopping. Growing weary of the festivities, you decided to excuse yourself from the banquet at the castle balcony.

“Munchkin. Here you are. His Highness has been looking for you. He wanted to express his gratitude for your loyalty and huge help at reclaiming Fhirdiad.”

“Good evening, Syl. We just did our utmost to help. Fhirdiad’s  peace and safety of the Blue Lions is of the most important thing for me, after all.”

A moment of silence passed where both of you stayed still, just basking in the moonlight and enjoying each others’ presence for a while.

“I’m sorry. I really am.” You are taken aback when Sylvain bows his head deeply in front of you.

“I know I messed up really bad and it’s fair enough if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive me. My jealousy got the best of me and it has brought you so much harm. Most girls just want me for my title or my Crest, and when I thought that it was the same for you, I… I was the one who made a mistake. I’m sorry, truly I am.” Peeking at him from the corner of your eye, you could see the furrow of Sylvain’s brows, the frowning twist of his lips. It was a look you’d never seen on him. Regret and pain. He looks so vulnerable. Somehow, you didn’t doubt the apology.

“Please elaborate, Syl.”

“Since I bear a Crest, my parents made sure I was never left wanting. My older brother didn’t have one, and so when I was born, he was pushed aside. My mere existence stole everything from him. There’s so many people that want to get close to me because of my crest. Because of something I didn’t even want to be born with. I wish I could have cared as little about my Crest as you do yours...,” he grimaces, running a hand through his hair briskly. “Women smile at me for the same reason my parents adored me...and my brother wanted me dead. And I have to meet them all with a smile because I have a Crest.” Sylvain purses his lips.

 

“But you–you’ve never treated me differently. Always being there for me and understand me, and…and–I like you, (Y/N). No. I love you so much that it scared me. A lot,” he says, closing his eyes.

 

“You say that, but it doesn’t excuse the things you’ve done.” You didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to let him see mixed expression you were making at  his sudden confession but you knew he was looking at you. Intently.

 

“I was devastated when you left Garreg Mach years ago. I lost you once and I won’t let it happen again. So.... what I’m saying is…” he hesitated and briefly appeared at a loss of words which is very unlike of him.

He hugs you closer very tightly it hurts, cradling you gently against his chest. This close, you can feel the rapid pace of his heart and his nervousness. “Can you give me a second chance?” Sylvain’s touch was awkward and clumsy.

“......I will. But first… Please let me go, Syl. You are crushing me.”

Sylvain paused, as if unsure. “Did you mean that?” Vulnerability colored his tone, softened it. “I’d like to be a man who deserves that. Who deserves you. Even if you want nothing to do with me, one day I will find a way to make it up to you, to earn your forgiveness. I promise.” His voice wasn’t strong with his infamous flirtatious bravado. It was sincere.

 

“You’re so much more than just your Crest or your status, Sylvain Jose Gautier.” Taking his much bigger hand in your tiny ones, you smiled and whisper it against his hand. “You are the most amazing, kind, strongest, and nice man for me. Your path is your own.  I love you just the way you are, Sylvain. Crest or no Crest.” His face turned dark red instantly redder than his hair at your words. Sylvain.exe has stopped working

“You are going to be the death of me, Munchkin!!” Sylvain yells frantically. You can see his ears flushed furious red. He can die happy now. Goddess Sothis please take his soul.

“Why you still call me Munchkin, Syl?” you asked much to your curiousity. “It’s been years but you barely grow a few inch! But y-Ouch!! He yelps when you jab at his stomach. “But you have... grown into a fine, smart, and beautiful woman.”

 

“Time hasn’t been so kind to me in these past years, Syl. After my Father’s passing, I have to succeed him. Being a Marchioness isn’t an easy task but I learned so much and am still learning.”

 

“My sincerest condolences for your loss. But... he must be very proud of you, Munchkin. You will be a great Marchioness. Strong, thorough, quick-witted, and lovely as a—”

“Flattery won’t get you anywhere, Mr. Gautier.” You rolled your eyes at him. The redhead laughs softly and embrace you in his arms.

 

“When this war is over, will you come with me to my homeland? It’s time for the first step in the right direction. I don’t want to marry a girl who wants to use me for my Crest or a girl who someone else chose for me. I want to marry someone I really care about. With you by my side, I’m excited to find out what this new way of life is all about. (Y/N), I’m serious. Marry me. I’d do anything for you. I’m done lying, especially to myself. I’m going to spend the rest of our lives together trying to make you happy. I promise.”

 

 “I’d like to.... introduce you to my parents. They’d love to have a new Gauti—Gyaahh!!!” He shrieked when you stomped your feet on him. “I’m so DONE with you, Syl!!” you said with exasperated look, looking away trying to hide the rising heat in your cheeks. ‘A future with Sylvain...’

 

There’s a pause when you catch his gaze and find something vulnerable there, something familiar. The flicker of hope, mirrored in your expression. It’s as if everything falls into place and clicks. Then his lips were on yours, soft and hesitant, so unlike his usual self. Your eyes fluttered shut, your lips moulding against his, as his hand came up to cup your cheek. It was all the confession you needed.

 

“I will, Syl. I promise.”

---

Bonus:

When Professor and the Blue Lions heard about your new relationship with Sylvain, they offer you heartfelt congratulations and throw a little dinner party. Dimitri is OVERJOYED and sobs a little when he saw you are radiating with so much happiness. Back then in your Academy days, he was the one who worry about you the most when Sylvain treated you poorly, after all. Ashe and Dedue throw a lavish dinner to celebrate (Y/N) and Sylvain’s relationship that evening. Mercedes and Annette provide everyone with tasty sweets and dessert. It was a heartwarming small party among Blue Lions members.

Sadly, Sylvain didn’t get to celebrate it together. Rumors had it that Felix and Ingrid has beaten him to a bloody pulp (with Professor’s EXCLUSIVE permission) because he made you their lovely sweet lil sis wept and hurt. Sylvain kept on mumbling something between “Don’t ever hitting another girl”, “RUIN his Lance of Ruin”, “Don’t ever taint her”, or “You’re finished”. Even the kind and benevolent Mercie turned her back and refuse to heal Sylvain. The Gautier heir almost went to hell that evening.

 

The poor, traumatized philanderer will changing his ways for the better for sure.

[leportraitducadavre]

On Itachi, his fandom, and moral standpoints

Once again I come back with a meta, unsurprisingly, of Naruto’s manga and, more specifically, about a character in particular, Uchiha Itachi, his fandom and what it entails and represents. My decision to make him the primary focus of this meta is just to bring light (open the door for more in depth debates) of a deeper, much more complicated problem that Itachi represents, but undoubtedly surpasses him and the Naruto manga as a whole.

Be warned, my take on Itachi’s fandom does not contemplate those fans who merely enjoy him but do not negate important parts of his character, if that’s your particular case, then be assured that I did not have you in my mind when writing this. This is about, let’s say, the hardcore fandom he possesses, that justifies (and to some extent, celebrates) his implications in the UCM and blindfold loyalty to Konoha and its system.

How can I even begin to introduce Itachi’s character? What he was supposed to be and what he surprisingly became? How to start to explain his fenomenon? Itachi was not supposed to be good, from his introduction he was a manipulative, dark character that tortured physically and mentally Sasuke and was a threat to Naruto’s (the protagonist) life. At no point during the first part of the manga were we able to see glimpses of a “good” Itachi that the narrative later on tried to establish, and yet, there were three (conected) factors of imperative importance to understand the raise of his character from the first part of the manga to the other. 

The first one was, let’s call it, his intrinsecal persona's appeal (and everything it encompases).

Itachi’s not the first cryptic male character that gets favored by a large part of the fandom for that mere trait (look at any shönen or show and see how many characters whose sole trait is to be mysterious becomes the fandom’s favorite), added to the fact that he’s powerful enough to subdue men who’s status of geniuses are often highlighted in the manga (Orochimaru and Kakashi), and his... physical charm, you have a powerful combo to make readers incline more and more on his favor. Itachi had sparked their interest. 

There are boxes to fill to attract the public interest to a character, and Itachi filled in all of them. 

The Power-Mystery-Beauty triangle is not an unknown formula (Christian Gray, Edward Cullen, to name characters from mainstream, from other manga there is Light, now surprisingly, Dabi) and in every fiction work it has appeared, it worked to lure the (female) public towards it.

But is that enough? For some, yes, for most, Itachi represents something that they desired profoundly, and that’s entirely attached to Sasuke’s character.

Even back in the first part of the manga, Sasuke’s character was received mixedly, there were people who saw his personality as too abrasive (similar to Itachi’s but because Sasuke was supposed to be with the nice guys, this aspect of him clashed rather harshly with his position on the narrative) and considered him a mere emo who believed himself to be better than Naruto and Sakura (he was, but he also acknowledged this fact, which make some readers disapprove of him even more). 

Itachi challenged that “so-called” superiority, additionally downgrading and humiliating him in a way readers felt he, to some extent, deserved. The dislike of part of the fandom of Sasuke’s character found a way of purchase inside the manga. Naruto wasn’t strong enough (and eventually cared too much) to subdue Sasuke, Sakura was too in awe with him to “stand up against him”, Kakashi saw his greatness and taught him powerful jutsus while paying zero attention to his other students. Until Itachi, no other character seemed to put Sasuke “in his place”, because even the villains of each arc seemed particularly obsessed with Sasuke and Sasuke only, elevating even more his importance and status and sidelining Naruto and (of course), Sakura, who were left with mere participations in what seemed a Sasuke-focused plot. Up at this point, Sasuke was far more important than the actual protagonist of the manga but Itachi, who was actually Sasuke’s goal, who was actually the person Sasuke aspired to surpass, abused him, manipulated him and -more importantly- seemed more focused on getting Naruto -hence, retribution: the only person Sasuke seemed to care about didn’t seem care about him at all.

Itachi’s coolness, strength and mature handsomeness (that Sasuke did not present until Shippuden, but Itachi was literally introduced with), plus the dislike of Sasuke’s character and the belief that he needed to be rectified, the reason of which will be brought up next, appealed the teenage fandom in a way strong enough to catapult him inside the popularity polls just right after his presentation. 

The Self-inserts inside Itachi’s fandom

As I introduced, a large part of the fandom back in the first part already, and in Shippuden particularly, had a deep dislike of Sasuke’s character and wanted him to suffer -to be beaten, to be “owned”, Itachi’s character fulfilled that wish, which takes me to the second factor. 

You can’t explain this point in particular without adding the “self-insert” and “reader-insert” notions that often gets attached to Itachi (Sakura, Naruto and Hinata) fans, 

“Self-insertion is a practice by authors of writing themselves into their own stories, either explicitly or in thinly-disguised form; in a fannish context this most often means fan writers writing themselves into their favorite source material so that they can interact with canon or its characters” (X)

Whilst

“Reader-Insert is a type of fanfiction, almost always written in 2nd person Point of View; the protagonist is always the reader, and is usually paired with one of the canon characters. "Reader-insert" typically has a hyphen hyphen, but is also known as Canon X Reader (sometimes CanonXReader).” (X)

In this particular case, many readers had succumbed to something slightly in between. The manga doesn’t belong to them, so the only one in position to literally self-insert is Kishimoto (canonically), so they are left with the option of attaching themselves personally to a pre-existed character with whom they feel somewhat represented. If not, then at least they attach emotionally to a character because it represents what they desire (this can be more observed in the shipping part of the fandom). Meaning, they use a canon established character that is not literally the reader, but who clearly represents them or represents what they want in their significant (romantical) other. 

Sakura was the only female lead who had a crush on the cool guy, readers (particular female ones) didn’t need much to feel a connection with her (during the first part, Kishimoto didn’t even give them much to do so, but they still attached to her with the prospect of what she might become), while Naruto was the dead last, it appealed to those who also felt that they weren’t popular or were mistreated by their peers.

But what the self-inserts of Sakura or even Naruto had to do with the increasing love for Itachi? 

To explain this in a way that can be understandable: Sakura fans who believed Sasuke disrespected her when not acknowledging her feelings or when downgrading her skills often turned their attention to the man of similar physique and strength to fulfill their fantasies of reciprocation -because canonically, Itachi had neither rejected, nor downgraded her character. In the same fashion, Naruto fans who believe Sasuke is egotistical by not caring for/acknowledging Naruto in the same manner he does (hence, not deserving him), tend to also indulge in the same type of behavior previously mentioned. 

Later on, when the narrative introduces the idea that Itachi stands alongside Konoha (Naruto and Sakura), thus, against Sasuke (from an idealistic standpoint), this particular practice deepens, grows. They feel validated on their idea that Itachi will treat  their favorite character (them) better, while at the same time punishing Sasuke for rejecting them.

There are not many cases of Itachi self-inserts, I’m not denying their existence however because he did fulfilled a wish many readers had (against Sasuke), but Itachi’s self-insert part of the fandom seems to be more in terms of female character fans that desire their favorite kunoichi to be loved/desired/respected? by a powerful, handsome, mysterious character. 

Sasuke’s importance in the narrative (and character growth)

Sasuke escaping Konoha to get to Orochimaru, train, and become strong enough to defeat Itachi and avenge his clan won’t hold up for the four hundred or so chapters Naruto Shippuden lasts. After Itachi’s defeat at his hands, Sasuke had no reason not to return to Konoha, more importantly, he had no reason to fight Naruto as it was the intention and ultimate and most important clash in the manga since the introduction of their rivalry. 

Sasuke’s growth as a character (that I spoke more detailed in this post) was tied to the introduction of a deeper, more important problem: Konoha’s involvement in the UCM. It wasn’t new in Naruto to present the dichotomy and harsh truths of the shinobi system (Hyuga clan, Haku, Jinchurikis), and the intervention of Konoha’s government in the massacre of the Uchiha clan provided the narrative with a reason to have both Sasuke and Naruto fighting in different sides of the battlefield, but also presented a deeper problem: Itachi couldn’t be bad.

He couldn’t stand in the “bad” side of the field because both, that would put Naruto (the hero) in the same morally bad position, and Itachi's fandom (which was massive), was eager for redemption, they demanded it, and Naruto is not a manga that doesn’t get influenced by what its purchasers want. In consequence, they needed to justify Itachi’s actions. We can talk about how abysmally bad they did it, we can talk about how much better this problem could have been sorted out, but that is not the core of this post. 

Kishimoto loved Sasuke, I have said this before, despite the fandom wishes, he stood his ground when it came to Sasuke and his revolutionary position until the very end. Maintaining that ideal as just, put Naruto (hence, Itachi) in the wrong. But because the narrative needed Naruto to be good and in the right, he ended up justifying genocide by justifying Itachi.

Consequently, and with the appeal he earned with his introduction and the Sasuke-hate (self-inserts), Itachi became a favorite character amongst favorite characters despite being a plot holes with legs. Readers eagerly consumed whatever panel proved that Itachi was not the bad guy he was previously believed to be. (proved or at least didn’t show, Itachi still commited genocide, but we don’t get to see such attrocities so its easier to forget he slaughtered innocent people, children amongst them). Readers who liked him were desperate for the narrative’s validation.

Core of the issue

Which brings me to the core of the post and in retrospection, I have already presented it: moral standpoints. This is not new, I’m not introducing any new idea, and this is hardly something that happens solely in the Naruto’s (and most specifically Itachi’s) fandom. Liking or not a character is tied to so many subjective variables that it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what makes a character desirable or despicable despite solid traits being commonly shared on particular troups. And yet, liking or not a character became a moral standpoint for which people judged each other on a personal level. It has happened since always, but the internet did nothing but make more accessible and public this type of clashes. Therefore, Redemption Arcs became the most precious gem inside fictional works and Naruto fell for it, and fell hard. 

It’s almost mandatory to have the narrative’s validation in order to enjoy a character freely and Naruto provided it to Itachi’s fandom. His actions were justified by the manga and the most important (and beloved) characters stood by his side, even those who were victims of him forgave his actions because there was someone (with less appeal and more morally questionable actions under his belt) to blame further. Having the narrative’s moral validation is more important than actually being in the right. 

Itachi was manipulated by the Will of Fire who he learned from Hiruzen who was passed to him by Tobirama who created it because he was raised during the Warring States Period, so his apprehension to the Uchiha was justified. It’s a train of justifications that ultimately holds no one responsible for the genocide of an entire clan/race which then becomes something bound to happen. So to save face, they use an escape goat: Danzo and the Curse of Hatred. They put the blame of the massacre to a single character and the actual victims because, well, they were genetically prone to disaster and killing them was the only way to ensure (temporary) peace.

Liking a character doesn’t automatically mean condoning its actions but because that subjective appeal became more and more the reflection of the reader’s ideals (for some reason I’m not here to trace), those two actions merged, which translated consequently into demanding the narrative’s validation of our tastes. There’s no denial of the pleasing sensation that comes with having the plot’s endorsement for liking a complex/morally gray or even dark character, but that approval turned to be the most important/valuable requirement, which, in turn, made readers justificate (supported by the narrative) despicable actions, such as genocide. 

Let’s go back to the second bullet point, self- inserts, as to discern more in depth their reasons to look for a justification on Itachi’s character: Itachi (an Uchiha that was not affected by the Curse, as his peers were) who the narrative proclaims wanted his brother’s safety and happiness above all things, stands morally with Konoha (hence, the readers’ favorite character). Therefore, justifying his actions is justifying Sakura and Naruto’s actions against Sasuke (manipulation is alright because Itachi did it, trying to kill Sasuke because he didn’t want to bend to their will is alright because Itachi did it), it gives them reasons to believe that they are on the right side of the battlefield, it gives them moral superiority. They’re in the right, they are good people, Sasuke was too deep in his hatred to either see it or correspond their feelings and that’s why he needs to be saved, and who more appropriate to do so than the two characters that were mocked by him during the first part of the manga? Even in the end, Itachi still gives them the retribution they still feel deserve and that Sasuke -still- didn’t give.