#it's probably my fault that i haven't really found like. a person???? i've never been good at it

[thelioncourts]

I'm sorry you don't feel like you have a place in the fandom. I really do think most people seem to like you if that means anything! I like you.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

Shirt On.

Pairing/Au: Sub!Joel X soft dom f!reader, no outbreak

Words count: 4645

Rating: + 18, MDNI, NSFW. I’m not joking with this one, if you’re a minor please stay away from it.

Summary: Joel getting pegged by you while you wear his flannel shirt. That’s it, that’s the fic. LOL

I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but if you decided to stay, the rest is under the cut.

Warnings: pov second person, no use of y/n, smut with feelings, established relationship, established dom/sub dynamic, sub!Joel, soft dom f!reader, reader wears jeans and a top (and of course Joel’s flannel), has breasts and vagina but apart from that no other specific description of her is given, pegging, use of a double strap-on, mention of plugs, lube, edging (m receiving) , orgasm control, oral (f receiving with the strap-on), mention of anal play, squirting, a little bit of nipples play (m receiving), ass slapping, swearing, dirty language, mention of threesome, mention of nipple clamps, mention of Joel conservative environment as a child (? I don’t know, i imagined that), a whole lot of fantasies made explicit, pet names (mostly good boy, honey, baby), use of “mommy” once, Joel is so soft and needy in this one, reader is cheeky, brief Tommy appearance, mention of alcohol consumption, I think that’s all but if I realize I forgot something I'll add it right away.

I love sub!Joel so much and and I've been thinking about writing it for a long time so here we go!

It’s my first sub!Joel fic and pegging fic, I’m so nervous about it, I really hope it’s good and you will enjoy it.

One inspiration for this fic was this work by @milla-frenchy : Her, if you haven't read it yet and you love sub!Joel RUN to do it because it's amazing and she’s so talented.

The other one was the sex toy described lol

As usual, English is not my first language, no beta and no proofreading so it’s all my fault, I apologize for any mistake.

Comments and reblogs are very much appreciated, I would love to have some feedback on this (please, be kind) !

Thank you so much for reading❤️

Joel is unloading materials at a construction site when he feels his phone vibrate in his back pocket.

He puts the brick pack down and rubs his hands on his jeans, takes out his phone and unlocks it. There is an unread message from you. 

“Baby, I’ll wait for you at home at 6. Don’t be late” 

He quickly types a reply and sends it to you. “Yes, ma’am.” 

He smiles. 

He had never done anything like this before, but with you everything was different right away. 

——————-

When he first met you, at Tommy’s birthday party, he thought you were a wonderful creature. 

You were talking to someone he doesn’t even remember unlike your bright smile, your contagious laugh, your breathtaking body and your impossible-to-miss charm. 

The pair of jeans you were wearing hugged your hips and waist perfectly and your tight top highlighted the curve of your tits so deliciously that his mouth started watering instantly at the sight. 

You turned to him probably sensing his eyes on you and your eyes weren’t even close to be intimidated or embarrassed. 

You held his gaze fiercely and he knew in that moment that you were going to be troubles in the best possible way. 

He had always been quite successful with women but he suddenly felt like someone destined to remain on the bench who has to compete with the team's star player.

The challenge excited him anyway, he decided he had to find out something about you.

He entered the house and found Tommy busy opening a bottle of wine. He asked him who you were and he replied with a smirk, "Maria's coworker. Why do you ask? Do you fancy her?” 

“I don’t even know her!” he retorted. 

“Yeah but you think she's hot” he stated raising one of his thick eyebrows and looking at him with a sardonic grin.

Joel snorted “I knew I shouldn't have told you anything”

Tommy bursted into laughter and said nothing else.

And he didn't do anything, there was no need. 

Joel couldn't imagine it but you know exactly what you want and you know how to take it.

He was at the buffet table taking a beer when you approached tantalizing him “You think you’re going to ask me for my phone number or not?” 

“Why?” He tried to play it cool and nonchalantly.

“Well you've been staring at my ass all night, so… either you want to know where I bought these jeans or you like my ass, cowboy, what do you say?” you waited, delighted by the state of confusion you had caused in him.

He hadn’t expected it in the slightest, no one had ever been so cheeky with him.

And then you added “The thing is… I like yours too, so we could do something about it”.

Of course you sneaked off the party and you immediately jumped at each other in Joel’s truck after finding a fairly isolated spot along the road, sloppy kissing and hands everywhere like you were both starving. You haven't even made it to his house.

Of course you ended up sharing contacts because you just had had the most incredible sex and wanted more. 

Many dates and many months later you moved in together.

The harmony between you two was strong from day one and never changed.

You know how much he needs to have his coffee in the morning, he knows how you love your eggs, you know he always fail to put his dirty laundry into the basket in the laundry room, he knows he’s the one that has to take care of the garden because you have absolutely zero skills and you kill the cacti too. 

The domesticity between the two of you always feels like the most precious gift.

You talked many times about what you like in bed and you have confessed to Joel that you love to be the dominant part in the relationship. 

Joel had no difficulty accepting and embracing it, he is happy that you are the one taking the reins. 

He is always in charge at work, his construction company is doing really good and has several employees, he is used to being the boss and making decisions all day long. His mind is sometimes so tired of that that coming home to you and let you decide for him allows him to shake off all the stress that is weighing him down.

“This is actually good for my own peace of mind” he told you “I feel free” 

You have set rules and boundaries and you talked throughly about what you want and don’t want from this dynamic. 

You both respect and understand each other. You love each other like there’s no tomorrow, Joel told you he has never been this happy before.

And experimenting with him is the most exciting things in the world. He’s prone to it, even more than you thought at the beginning. 

So when you brought up to him that you would love to try some anal play he accepted straight away. 

He told you that he had done it before, he had never been on the receiving end but he was more than happy to do it with you.

You’ve proceeded by step, experimenting with your fingers, while he fucked you senselessly like you wanted to, then it was Joel himself who suggested trying a plug. 

“You sure about that, babe?” you asked “I'm happy that you want to indulge with me in this but I wouldn't want you to do it just for me”

“No,” he assured you, with the sweetest smile “I’m not doing this just for you, even though you know how much I like it when you’re satisfied. I love what you do to me with your fingers and I think I’d like to… um… try something more.”

“okay then, let’s dig into it” you replied with a little smirk. 

He grabbed your laptop and you searched online together, sitting on your couch with your head resting on his shoulder as you explored site after site giggling together in total complicity.

You can’t forget the thrilled look on his face as you decided to order a trio of plugs in different sizes.

And you can’t forget the moans he made the first time you tried it. 

The trust you’ve built has made it truly special. Joel knows he can abandon himself to you, you’ll never do anything he doesn’t want and you’ll always take care of him as much as he does with you.

Joel’s protective side makes him sensitive and attentive to your needs. For everyone else he’s just a somewhat grumpy, reserved man and a tireless worker, but for you Joel is the most thoughtful man you’ve ever known.

He is amazed by the patience and delicacy you put into getting him where you want him to be, and you’re completely fulfilled by how much of a good sub he can be. 

Sometimes he gets denied for days and it’s all about you coming repeatedly on his tongue or he’s only allowed to watch as you masturbate, other times you ask to be fucked several times a day or you demand to see your tall, broad, strong and gorgeous man bent over on your bed while you play with his ass.

Every session was pure bliss, he was a little bit flustered to try the biggest plug but he ended up getting an orgasm that was out of this world. 

And now he's ready to try the strap on, which makes you incredibly wet just thinking about it.

As with the plugs, you chose together which one to buy and once you decided you were both so excited that you allowed him to fuck you and come inside you after a whole week of chastity, edging and ruined orgasms.

___________

Joel leaves work at 5:30, gets in his car and curses all the way home against the traffic that threatens to make him late. 

He parks in the driveway and opens the door “I’m here, my love” he quickly says as he puts his keys on the cabinet in the hall. 

“I'm in the kitchen, babe, come here”

Joel rushes to your command and the sight of you leaves him speechless. 

You're standing in the middle of the kitchen wearing only his flannel shirt left open and the strap-on you both chose. The leather straps wrap around your hips and a large dildo stands out between your legs.

“It came in the mail today,” you smile at him, extremely pleased by the rapt expression painted all over his face.

“Oh fuck, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen” he breathe, his eyes feasting on your body. 

He loves it when you wear his clothes, he loves seeing you walk around the house in his shirts and wearing his boxers and he loves it even more when you let him watch you masturbate in just those.

He tries to get closer to you and you raise one of your arm stopping him “no, wait, not yet. Look at me a little longer” and saying that you take the big cock in your hand and begin to stroke it slowly “talk to me darling, tell me more about how it seems to you”

“It's big,” he gulps “and it looks great on you.”

You have chosen a type that stimulates both of you, so you have a dildo inside you. With each stroke you feel it penetrate a little deeper, widening your walls.

“What else?” you coo “What would you like to do now? Would you like to suck it?”

“Yes, my love, I would like that, please.” 

He’s fixed on your hand moving on the fake cock. 

“Eyes on me, baby, what else?” you gently scold him

His look shifts immediately on yours as he answers you huskily “I wish you would fuck me with that. Please”

You move closer to him, without stopping touching the dildo, you raise your hand to gently stroke his raven curls lightly streaked with silver “Oh, I’m going to fuck you so hard, baby, I’m going to split you open and you’re going to be the best boy, right?” 

He closes his eyes, abandoning himself to your caresses and he whispers “yes” 

You tug his hair “louder, babe” 

“Yes, my love” 

“Perfect. Kneel down for me, now” 

He immediately goes down, in front of you, on the kitchen floor.

“Take this cock, babe, make it all nice and wet” you purr

You put your hand back in his hair and bring him closer to it.

You can see a sparkle in his gaze as he opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue to lick the tip.

You feel a shiver of pleasure run through your body seeing him like this, malleable like clay in your hands, on his knees, hungry, totally involved in what you were doing, so endearing and beautiful. 

“More, baby, show me how good you are” 

He opens his mouth wide and bends over the cock starting to make it disappear into his mouth, his lower lip trembling slightly. 

He raise a hand to grip the base but you slap it and say firmly “take it fully in your mouth first” 

He frowns and he gag a little when the tip bumps on the back of his throat but immediately gather his control back. 

“good boy, now suck. You can use your hand on mommy’s cock” 

He looks up at you in gratitude as he circles the base with his fingers and begins to suck greedily.

The entire length is now coated in his saliva as he moves up and down on it continuing to suck and every time he goes down, the dildo inside you hits a deeper spot making you moan just as much as he does. His big hand is all wrapped around the silicone cock, the other sunk into your hip above the leather straps and his grunts are like the cherry on top. 

You continue to praise him and he’s enraptured by your gaze and you can clearly spot his cock hardening in his pants, it strains against the hem of his work jeans. 

“You like that huh? So good for me” 

He swirls his tongue around the tip and goes down flat on the underline and swirls around again taking the mushroom between his luscious lips and sucking on it.

He’s still fully dressed and yet you could swear you could come just by seeing him all engrossed in sucking your big fat dildo.

His nose hits the end of the cock bumping into your clit as he tries to put it all back in his mouth, gagging around it, trails of saliva slide down his chin, your thumb smear it all over his jawline “Just like that, baby, keep going for me”

Your fingers are tangle in his curls and you push him down the length arching your back, making him gasp for hair, his eyes start watering a little but he keeps sucking. Pressure is building on your clit at every brush of the base on it and the other end sink deep into you all slick and soaking wet with your juices. He’s basically masturbating you sucking the dildo.

You’re about to give in and you convulsively yelp “don’t stop, don’t fucking stop, Joel”

He sucks at an even faster pace, stroking the base and lingering on the tip every time he comes up.

You toss your back and shut your eyes closed, overwhelmed by your first orgasm washing over you, panting hard and feeling you knees buckle.

Joel continue to suck quietly until you regain the ability to speak.

“You’ve been very good, darling” you coo “get up for me now”

He let the dildo slide out of his mouth with a lewd pop and stands up and you order: “turn your back and put your hands on the table for me.” 

He does so and you lean back and wrap your arms around his waist. You close your eyes and enjoy his warmth as you try to calm down.

“Well, we have discovered a new talent in you” 

“I- yes” he mutters

“Don’t be shy baby, there’s nothing wrong with sucking a dick” and you leave a trail of kisses on his back 

“You’re right” His voice is uncertain, as if he had just realized how much he liked it.

You move to look him in the eyes “it’s all good, honey? do you want us to stop here?”

He shakes his head.

“Words, baby”

“No. No, my love” 

“Good. You know you can always use the safe word, right?”

“Yes. Yes, I know… I was just thinking…” 

“What, honey? Talk to me” you stroke his arm trying to reassure him, peering into his big brown puppy eyes.

Joel grew up in a conservative environment and you know that he distanced himself from it as soon as he could and he is certainly sure he can tell you what he would like, you decide but you always allow him to express himself. 

Every now and then a kind of reticence resurfaces in him, and it melts your heart the way he tries to fight against the beliefs that were put in his head as a child.

“Do you think we could try a threesome sometime?” 

You giggle lightly caressing his cheek “Sure, we could do that. Why were you so afraid to ask me?” 

“I didn't want you to think that you're not longer enough for me. I mean you’re perfect, absolutely perfect and I love you and-” 

“Babe” you interrupt him “it’s okay. It’s your fantasy and I find it hot too. Would you like to do it with another guy?” 

“Yes…uhm..I would”

“Mmmm God, that would be so hot, you trying a big meaty cock…deep in your throat”

He blushes instantly at your words and the corners of his mouth curl into a smile “I- yeah, I think I would love to try”

“I would masturbate while you do it and then I would let you fuck my cunt while the other guy’s cock would go deep in my mouth. How does it sounds?” You lewdly whisper to him.

“Oh fuck- yes” he reply, eyes wide and pupils dilated.

“You’re such a dirty boy, I love that. How do you get so good at sucking anyway?” you ask him mischievously

“Well, I learned something by watching you, you’re the best at it.” he states with a proud tone. 

“Mmm you’re such a flatterer. Now shut up and let me play” you tenderly scold him kissing his lips “unbutton your pants” 

His hands fiddle with the button and the zipper and as soon as he’s done you order “put your hands back on the table”

You leisurely slide one hand into his pants and make room in his boxer to reach his already hard cock.

You flick the tip with your fingertips gathering his precum and you slide over his length wetting it, you can feel his breathing thickening and a sigh of relief leaves his mouth.

You pump him until he reach the edge, throbbing in your fingers, then you stop, a muffled sound of impatience run through his lips. 

You smile, your gaze chained to his “keep calm, love”

You take a small remote control out of the flannel shirt pocket and show it to him. “Look what I have”

He mumble “oh my fucking God”, his voice cracks a little and your lips curl, even more pleased “I forgot about it” he admits. 

“Yeah, it’s going to be fun” you giggle “let’s go to our bedroom now”

He immediately follows you and once in the room you lean on the piece of furniture in front of the bed and you demand “take off your clothes” 

He does it slowly as he knows you like it, first boots and socks that he throws in a corner, then his jeans that he leaves lying on the floor and finally the shirt, that also ends up on the floor at the foot of the bed. With every part of his body revealed to your eyes you lick your lips thinking that you will never get used to seeing such beauty. His broad shoulders, his wide chest, tiny freckles scattered on his skin, his narrow waist, his slightly soft tummy, the thin line of hair that ends up hidden by his boxers, his meaty thighs… you can never get enough of him.

He remains in a pair of boxers, standing in front of you. “Good boy, take them off and lie down on the bed,”

There is sweetness in his gaze, trust and a desire to abandon himself, at this point you can read him like an open book.

You're taking off the flannel you’re wearing when he looks at you pleadingly “Can you please keep it on, honey?”

“You like seeing me like that?” You smirk

“I do. You’re so damn sexy” 

“Okay, baby, I can do that” you grant and he smiles gratefully.

Once he's lying down you take the lube from the nightstand and then you climb on the bed right next to him, your fake cock still shiny with his saliva.

His naked body is still and waiting for you, and you take his cock back in your hand “you did so well for me” 

“I’m glad, my love, thank you” he whispers

You pinch his nipples with your other hand, pulling and twisting them between your fingertip, teasing them while you keep stroking his lenght slowly. 

“God, I love your nipples, baby, they drive me wild, so pink and turgid and delicious.” 

 You run your tongue over his chest sucking them into your mouth. 

“I think we should try nipple clamps sometime, would you like that?” you say before taking back one of his buds between your lips. 

“Oh - God, yes. Yes, please, my love” 

His moans go straight to your cock-covered clit, you feel it hardening against the soft and smooth silicone.

You know perfectly well that he is much stronger than you and could easily tip you over onto the bed and trap you with his weight, but he won't.

This awareness makes you feel powerful and the mere thought of how far you can go with him and still be safe makes you dripping wet.

You take him back to the edge again and then you stop, his cock is throbbing and the tip is angry red and leaking profusely. 

His hips slightly twitch a couple of times and you can tell how desperate he is for a release but he knows that he can’t come until you say so. 

You start pumping him again after a couple of minutes and you can hear the stifled moans crowded in his throat as you take him on the edge again. 

He’s such a mess of sweat and cries and glassy eyes but he’s managing to remain still like you ordered to.

“I can’t believe I have such a good boy all for me” you purr “You want my big cock in you? You want that?” 

“Yes, please, my love. Please” he whines. 

“Turn around for me like the good boy you are” 

He turns around and you take the lube squeezing a good amount into your hand, spreading it all over his hole, caressing it gently and penetrating it with two of your fingers.

He cries “please” 

“Don't be impatient” you say firmly slapping his ass cheek, leaving a red mark. 

“I’m sorry” his voice is hoarse and deep and you can hear his struggle in every single word which is such a turn on, he wants you so bad. 

He’s so excited and needy that he basically cries and the sound of his voice reverberate into your ears like a music.

“So sweet, my big boy crying for cock” 

“I want- please. I want it so much, pl- please” he’s bucking his hips against the duvet and you slap his ass again.

“Behave, baby” you order “stay still for me” 

You linger a little longer in his hole, moving your fingers slowly. 

“You have the sexiest ass I’ve ever seen, you know that? Is it ready for me?”

“Yes. It’s all yours, love, please take it” he begs. 

When you finally place your body behind him spreading his ass cheeks with your hands and poking at his entrance with the tip, he leaves out the loudest groan you’ve ever heard from him. 

The inside dildo is still hitting you the right way and in this position you can feel it even deeper than before. 

“You okay?” 

“Yes - oh - yes, love it”

“Good” you whisper caressing his hips “we’re almost there, baby. You look so gorgeous like that, Joel. So fucking gorgeous”

You keep pushing the cock inside him, until you’re balls deep inside and you start moving, thrusting into him while the other end thrust into you.

“You’re doing so good, Joel, so good for me”

He whimpers while you brush against his prostate, lifting his butt to feel you even more, you could swear you’ve never seen anything more intoxicating.

You take the small remote that you placed on the bed and turn on the vibration at the lower setting, just enough to add that little buzz into the already overwhelming sensations you’re both experimenting.

Joel lets out a “fuck” so deep and hoarse, you feel him clenching around the cock and the vibration hits your clit and your inside too and you almost lose it.

You take a deep breath and focus on him.

“Just like that, you love taking this cock, don’t you?” 

“Yes OH GOD YES - I think - I think I’m almost c-” 

“Sssh not yet, baby, don’t be to greedy, hold it until I say it” 

You pump harder and his body tenses, you can see every muscle in his back flex while he tightens his hands on the sheets underneath trying with all his might to hold back, his face leaning in profile sinking into the mattress, little drops of sweat beading on his skin, his plumped lips open in search of air letting out moan after moan.

He’s almost incoherent by now, just babbling please and fuck and begging you to let him come and you can feel yourself getting right on the edge.

You get out of him to change positions as you fear of losing control because of the vibrating dildo inside you slapping at your walls “Turn over on your back for me,” 

He turns around immediately, you make him lift his legs and rest them on your shoulders and then you go back inside him with a single thrust “OH FUCK” he wails “fuckfuckfuck” 

“Yeah, baby, do you like watching me fuck you with your shirt on? You like that, huh?” his look is ecstatic as he reply “Yes - GOD- fuck - you’re so beautiful” 

You start to pound again against his prostate, deeper into him with each movement, your tits bouncing and obscene slapping filling the air mixed with the buzzing of the dildo, until you can’t fight your orgasm anymore.

It’s too much, all too much, the vibrations, the dildo crushing on your cervix, and the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen all worked up and sweaty between your legs, just losing his mind for you.

“Come baby” you order in a breath “come for me” and he throw his head back on the mattress rolling his eyes and lets himself be invaded by a devastating orgasm right after your command, long spurts of his cum painted all over your tummy and his shirt.

You can feel his whole body shaking and you hold on to his ankle as you hastily pull out with the other one and squirt all over the dildo, drenching the duvet underneath you.

You’re completely shattered and exhausted but totally appeased, no thought left in your brain but a complete state of serenity that mostly comes from the fact that you can be completely you with Joel, no disguise, no mask, no filter is needed when it comes to him.

You turn off the the dildo and let it out him, you throw it on the empty side of the bed and lie down in his arms, it’s all you want and it’s all you need now.

He welcomes you and holds you tightly as you both try to get your breathing back to normal, you abandon your head on his chest and you feel his heart beating fast behind his ribcage. 

After a few minutes of silence he is the first to speak “that was…fuck…I don’t have words. Thank you, love”

You tilt your head to look at him and he’s smiling with his entire face, his eyes sparkling and his cheek flushed and his adorable dimple showing off. 

“I love you, Joel” you murmur and your mouth reach the bald patch in his beard to place a kiss there. 

“I love you too, honey, so much you have no idea” and he gently takes your lips. 

“I’m sorry, your shirt got wet” the final part is practically stuck to your skin, soaked in sweat, cum and squirt.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind at all. We’re both sticky and sweaty but we can think about that later”

You laugh and kiss him again, nibbling on his lower lip.

When you break the kiss there is a question you feel curious to ask him “Joel?”

“Yes, sweetheart?” 

“I have a question” 

“Shoot”

“Why do you like it so much when I wear your clothes?”

He gives you a sweet and slightly shy look as he replies “For starters, they look sexier on you and then…it makes me feel like you’re mine in some sort of primal sense, you smell like me and I love that you have something of me on you”

You giggle.

“Did I explain myself?”

“Yes, yes you perfectly did, honey” you reply hiding your head in the crook of his neck and inhaling his woody citrusy scent. 

He smells like home, the only one you truly feels to belong to.

[themindcrowave]

recurring jing yuan thoughts #2... a spiderverse AU

so i've been thinking about spiderverse jing yuan lately..... trying to decide whether he's a spider or a gwen/MJ

- if he was a spider he'd be able to travel dimensions,,, he'd definitely have a backstory similar to miguel o'hara's about trying to find a reality where everyone he loved was back together again, but unlike miguel, once that reality inevitably goes wrong he either:

- decides to really focus on his emotional healing and grief processing or

- becomes a compartmentalization master like he is in the game

because either way he knows he can't properly help others and be a leading figure if he can't move past his own grief first. he would rather gnaw through his own arm than push his old emotional scars onto the young spiders he's met and formed family with along his journey. he might have lost his first found family but he'll be damned if he loses his chance at another.

- and then just like in-game, jing yuan will meet the people of his past again... i'm thinking dan heng is a spider from a parallel universe where dan feng's weakened consciousness ended up after he was completely wiped from jing yuan's dimension, so basically dan heng was always his own person of course but then he started having visions of a lifetime parallel to his own lived by someone who looked exactly like him (insert my gwen stacy theory bc WOW does it fit him)

- blade would be kinda like the usual spiderman villain setup where his undying situation is all because of a terrible science accident and his main motivation is to find the ones involved in what happened to him (the og high cloud quintet friend group) and exact vengeance so that maybe he can finally disappear in peace (basically the same as in-game)

- baiheng's death was probably jing yuan's first devastating "canon event". i think he wasn't around to save her when she died (and he couldn't have been, he didn't even know where she was or what happened to her until he heard the news) and that guilt will forever eat away at him... i'm thinking she died in an aircraft accident but i haven't decided what kind yet

- dan feng was a genius scientist. he experimented with a lot of things that he probably shouldn't have and always pushed the boundaries of scientific possibility,, especially after baiheng died. he started secluding himself in his lab and only yingxing ever had any success at visiting him there for any substantial period of time... which is exactly how yingxing got caught up in dan feng's plan to bring baiheng back (think kingpin bringing his family back with the alchemax super-collider) and subsequently cue the horrible accident which turned him into the immortal blade

- oh and then of course jing yuan, being spiderman, has to track down and apprehend dan feng for what he did and decide his sentence (life imprisonment) but dan feng's family clan had him assassinated in prison for reasons jing yuan was never able to completely uncover (and a nagging little part of him will always feel like dan feng's fate was his fault)

- i think jingliu was jing yuan's superhero mentor... not sure if she was a spider too, or just another masked hero in the area who took him under her wing when he was new to his powers. just like in-game, she was the one who introduced him to the rest of the group, and just like in-game she will go completely berserk and become a vigilante with no clear morals or objectives after baiheng dies. like with dan feng, jing yuan has to track her down and try to get her back. unlike with dan feng, jingliu decides that given her shattered mental state the safest option for society as a whole would be for jing yuan to defeat her then and there, once and for all, simultaneously saving the day and proving his graduation from her mentorship. and, well. he did.

- there's yanqing (young spider, official mentee, and unofficial son of jing yuan) thoughts rattling around in here too, but words are difficult so unfortunately you'll have to put your full imagination to work here and just try to feel the "i'm-putting-this-character-in-a-jar-and-shaking-it-like-a-mixed-drink" vibes for yourself! cheers

[silent-stories]

𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 - 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟐

Summary: You never stopped thinking about Dean since he left and when one night he shows up again in the bunker maybe things between you two can finally be fixed.

Pairing: Dean × F!Reader

Warnings: a bit of angst, a bit of fluff

Word count: 2391

First part here

Your pov:

Now

"Y/N? Y/N, are you even listening to me?" Sam called you passing his hand in front of your face to get you out of your thoughts.

"Mh, what?" You asked as you straightened up in your chair, realizing that you had zooned out, again.

"I've been talking to you for five minutes and you haven't heard a word of what I said." He sighed.

"I'm sorry Sam." You said, admitting you had your head somewhere else and trying to avoid his gaze by looking into every corner of the bunker room.

"You're still thinking about him, aren't you?" He asked.

"Absolutely no." You denied quickly, by instinct, not because it was true.

"Y/N, stop lying to me, you have been acting in a different way lately and we both know you've been like that since my brother left. I'm your best friend, you can talk to me..." Sam started to say.

"Really Sam, I'm fine. I don't need you to be my therapist." You cut him off while getting up and starting to walk to your room. You weren't going to tell Sam about your problems, not when it concerned his brother. Plus it was starting to get late and some sleep wouldn't hurt you.

"You miss him." Sam said and you suddenly stopped.

God, that man didn't seem to want to give up.

"You miss him and we all noticed. Even Donna and Charlie asked me if you were okay last week. Every time you see or hear something that makes you think about him you just zoone out and it's because you miss him. Even if you don't wanna admit it."

Shit, then you did a really bad job trying to hide the fact that you missed Dean like air.

You had really tried to be happy for him, you had really tried and you almost succeeded for a while.

He had found someone he loved and was living the life he wanted to live, it hurt to know that that person wasn't you, but despite that you were happy for him.

In the following period, however, your mind was flooded with doubts and questions that you could not answer, because Dean was not with you.

Was he okay? Was he happy? Was he loved?

Did the girl he was with now know what to do when Dean came back after a hunt went south? Did she know she had to give him his space but also try to make him feel better and saying it wasn't his fault?

Did she know what she had to do when Dean came home a little drunk saying he didn't deserve her love? Did she know what she had to do when he woke up from a nightmare?

You couldn't have known, because he had left. And if he left it meant he was better off where he was now, right?

"It doesn't matter if I'm still thinking about him. Because he's not thinking about me." You said.

"Y/N ..." Sam tried to say before he got interrupted.

"Goodnight Sam." You said before walking down the bunker hallway with the intention of getting to your room and sleeping at least ten consecutive hours trying to avoid Sam, avoid your thoughts and avoid life in general.

But, when you were on your way, something caught your attention, Dean's bedroom door was ajar. Sam had probably dropped in to get something and forgot to close it.

You walked towards it but instead of closing it, you peeked inside.

Even without turning on the light, you could see that the room was as it had been left by Dean. More or less.

Sam must have made the bed because you were sure Dean couldn't fix the sheets that well.

Most of the items above the shelves were gone, and even though you couldn't see them, you knew most of the clothes inside the closet weren't there anymore.

With the excuse that your room was at the end of the corridor and therefore "too far", you sneakead in what was once Dean's bed.

You wanted to say the sheets still smelled like him, but evidently Sam had washed them and there was nothing left of Dean's scent you were used to.

You wrapped the blanket around you, even if it was much colder than the usual heat that Dean's body gave off when he was next to yours and you pretended it was Dean's arms.

Your mind went to something that had happened a few months ago, even though it felt like years, and you couldn't help but fall asleep with a slight smile on your lips.

Four months ago

"Dean." You called him while you were standing in front of his bed.

"Dean." You said again, placing your hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly, while Dean made a sound worthy of a bear. "c'mon wake up."

"It's too early." He murmured turning over in the covers.

"It's not too early, and breakfast is ready."

"Did you make breakfast without me?" He asked pretending to be offended and rubbing one eye with the back of his hand.

"I made breakfast for you, you idiot." You laughed.

"That's so sweet, I'm going to throw up." He said with a smirk before a pillow hit him in the face.

"Hey!" He exclaimed.

"Get out of bed, ungrateful." You laughed starting to leave the room, but when you reached the threshold of the door, the pillow flew towards you and hit the back of your head.

Dean's low laugh filled the room.

"Dean, you should know it's never a good idea to start a war with me." You said as you picked the pillow off the floor and realized that the cover had opened slightly, showing the feathers inside.

For once you were grateful that everything in the bunker was not very modern.

"Oh and why you say that?" Dean asked from the bed.

"Because I always win." You answered before throwing the pillow back at him, which hit Dean's face in a blast of feathers.

You burst into laughter as Dean spat out some feathers that ended up in his mouth.

"Disgusting." He said as you approached him and ran a hand through his hair to remove some feathers.

"Now come and have breakfast." You laughed as you grabbed his hand and Dean finally got out of bed.

"Anyway, Sam bought breakfast, I didn't make it." You said as you headed into the kitchen, admitting you hadn't even touched a kitchen utensil that morning.

"Well, you could have said it before, I would have gotten out of bed right away!"

You rolled your eyes and nudged him, but you were still holding his hand.

Dean's pov:

Now

Dean was still driving. He had been driving for over an hour and it was late in the night, but he wasn't tired.

He had to get to you, he had to tell you what he felt, what he had felt for years of his life but he had ignored, what he had let slip because he had thought that having a life with someone else would be better for both of you.

If he looked at the passenger seat he could almost see you sleeping with your head tilted to one side, like you always did when you came home after a hunt, despite trying to stay awake every time.

Four months ago

It was about two in the morning and the road ahead of you was still long, but Dean had decided not to stop at a motel, because now the bunker was his home and if to go back to spend the night there he had to drive a few more hours, then he would.

When he glanced at you, sleeping in the seat next to him, the corner of his mouth curled into a smile and he thought that if he wasn't driving, he would have definitely moved the lock of hair that fell over your face and he would have placed it behind your ear.

On the radio, kept at a low volume so as not to wake you and Sam in the back seat, one of his favorite songs started playing and Dean unwittingly found himself humming the chorus.

Sure, he never would have done that if you two weren't sleeping, but then again, he had to find a way to stay awake, right?

"You sing well."

Dean suddenly stopped and turned his head towards you, who had woken up and was looking at him with sleepy eyes and a smile on your lips.

"You must have dreamed it, I wasn't singing." He denied.

"Mh" You said settling on the seat looking for a comfortable position to go back to sleep "that's not true, I heard you, you have a nice voice."

"I told you you were dreaming. Now go back to sleep, sweetheart, we still have a few hours to travel."

"If you say so." You muttered as you closed your eyes and fell asleep again.

Or at least, Dean always thought you were back asleep.

He never found out that you had been awake for a few more minutes, only to hear him sing again.

Your pov:

Now

You heard a noise coming from somewhere in the bunker and you suddenly woke up.

When your eyes, after a few seconds, got used to the darkness and you recognized Dean's room, you instinctively checked the space next to you in the bed, almost expecting to find him there.

As you scolded yourself for how pathetic this was, you heard a noise again, this time of footsteps, and it seemed to get closer and closer.

Sam didn't usually make that much noise, you thought as you looked around for a weapon, but still not finding any.

But then you thought: who could have managed to enter the bunker? Who knew the location and could get through the security system?

You slowly opened the door, peeking out.

"Dean?"

"Hey, Y/N." He smiled, scratching the back of his head as if he were nervous. What was going on?

"What ... what the hell are you doing here?" You asked opening the door and making sure that he didn't seem to be hurt or anything like that.

"I'm here because this is the place I want to be." He started "and I'm sorry if it took me too long to understand it and I hope you'll tell me it's not too late."

"What are you talking about?" You asked. Too late for what? He wasn't really talking about you, right? It was impossible.

"I want to be with you, Y/N." He explained "I want to stay here because I want to be with you."

He was really talking about you and him.

After months of being without him, trying to accept the fact that Dean didn't love you the way you wanted, the way you loved him, he was now coming back to tell you there was the slightest chance of making things right between you?

You thought you were probably still sleeping and that was just a good dream.

"Say something, please." He said when he got no response.

"What about Ally?" You asked.

"We broke up, we weren't meant to be together, we never were."

"And do you think we are?" You asked. "Meant to be together, I mean."

"I know that when I'm with you I'm happy." Dean said. "I know that you make me feel good and that the months I spent without you were wasted time. I know that when I am with you I don't need to pretend to be someone else, I know that you were always there when I needed you and I'm sorry for not doing the same but now I'm here to fix it. So yeah, I'm meant to be with you. Are you? "

You stared into his big green eyes and you saw only honesty in them. He looked sincere.

He looked like the man you had loved silently for months and still loved, the man you had thought of every day of your life, both when he was with you and when he wasn't, and when he wasn't you had hoped he was fine even if you weren't with him, because you loved him.

"I... yes. Yes, I think I am." You finally said "I'm meant to be with you."

He leaned over, crashing his lips to yours. You kissed him back almost instantly, his hands cupping your face as he deepened the kiss.

"I'm sorry I left." He said when his lips parted from yours.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you I wanted you to stay." You responded before pulling him towards you to taste his lips again.

"Dean?"

You and Dean suddenly separated.

"Hey Sammy." Dean said as he nodded to his brother who was standing a few feets away from you two, still standing in the doorway.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sam asked in a sleepy voice.

"Oh come on, is that all you can say around here?" Dean said before putting his arm around your shoulders and pushing you close to him, like he's afraid of losing you again.

You held back a laugh as Sam ran his gaze to you, then to Dean.

"Yeah, right. Stupid question, nevermind." He said shaking his head and walking back into his room muttering a "he took his time."

"He's not wrong." Dean said.

"It's okay, it was worth the wait." You reassured him.

"Well, you must have missed me very much if you slept in my room." He laughed.

"You have no idea." You said as you pushed him inside and closed the door behind you. "But I know how you can be forgiven."

Dean smirked.

You shook your head, knowing what he was thinking about. "Cuddles." You said as you got into bed. "Cuddles and sleep, I bet we both need that."

Dean chuckled as he wrapped his arms around your body and rested his head on your stomach, letting you bring a hand to his hair.

"Mh, yeah. I think I'll take that."

You laughed softly and the last thing you heard before falling asleep was Dean's breathing turning into a light snore and you couldn't help but think how much you had missed that annoying sound.

@eevvvaa @spn730015 @supernatural111222 @youcancallmelily @clairenovakanddeanwinchester @dads-on-a-hunting-trip @3amstillawake @supernaturalmess @marvelandsupernatural @agirlwatchingalotoftvshows @candy-coated-misery0731 @impalaslytherin @rudy-the-winged-wolf @dean-winchester-6767 @samanddeansannoyingsis @roseblue373 @waynes-multiverse @random-spn-fan + @icequeen1371 @nt-multi-fandom

Some tags don't work 😮‍💨

[sealochs]

Hey girl! How does the evidence for evidence against exercise work? Would love to try it on my own anxiety lol

hello! so the evidence for evidence against exercise is like taking your anxiety to court. put her on trial! cross-examine her! she's a liar, your honour!

on the face of it, it's very simple, like it's so simple i can't believe it works so well; it makes me feel simple every time it works. i will say that it does sort of rely on you focusing on one (1) fear, on one main thing that's causing you to be anxious; but there's nothing to stop you doing it multiple times for multiple anxieties, one by one, if you find it hard to separate or identify a principal cause. although, even the act of doing that can help; what are you principally anxious about, & which extra anxieties are you recruiting to that cause? i often find my seemingly generalised anxiety is actually a pretty specific one when i sit down & force myself to be honest on paper, but that doesn't mean that's true for everyone!

when you have your one (1) fear, you basically sit & you write a list of evidence for that fear coming true; a list of evidence for your anxiety being entirely reasonable and founded in a rational reading of reality. when you do this, & i think it helps to do it by hand, you realise you have much less hard evidence than your brain has led you to believe. last night, i discovered a lot of mine were starting with the word 'maybe', & what followed was just wild conjecture. objection, your honour! sustained! strike that last from the record!

then, you write a list of evidence against. this might be a list of actions or words from someone that would indicate that they do not, in fact, hate you. or a list of previous achievements that would indicate that you are not, in fact, doomed to fail the challenge you're currently facing. or a list of facts about a situation that act as alternative explanations for something bad having happened, and so indicate that it was not, in fact, all your fault. this list might also include reasons why things on your 'for' list may not, actually, constitute hard evidence. the jury are nodding their heads, they're murmuring approval, they're casting nasty glances at your anxiety in the witness box.

you can stop there, but i've found that writing that second list of evidence against often turns into a general free writing exercise where i start to explore the thing that's making me anxious from a far more rational perspective; i've found it works as a way into empathy, into generously & in good faith imagining what another person might really think, might really feel, or how a situation might really turn out, without the ultimately self-centred & distortive lens of anxiety blinding me. i am literally always stunned when it works in this way, when my brain - which was just one hour ago already spiralling into a grief process for something that hasn't happened yet - manages to do a complete one-eighty & see the situation entirely differently.

which is probably the final thing to note: i've often found that doing this exercise is in itself a terrifying prospect, & i've often put it off or simply not done it, & Suffered instead. because it's like: but what if i prove myself right? what if i do actually come up with a lot of hard evidence that this thing that i am deeply anxious about is, in fact, something i have due cause to be deeply anxious about?

& yet, with one glaring exception*, i have never yet proven myself right with this exercise. i haven't always definitively proven myself wrong, but i've always been able at least to realise that there are many alternative explanations or possibilities for something beyond the one worst case scenario that my anxiety has decided is the most likely, & to temper my anxiety with an acceptance of those.

this got weirdly long, but i hope it helps somewhat! i'm sending you love <3

[isfjmel-phleg]

Regarding the recent discussion of blaming unmarried women in their thirties for everything that's wrong with society--this is my specific, personal experience on the matter.

I am an unmarried Baptist woman in my early thirties. I have never dated, have never been interested in anyone (beyond a weird crush in college that was less an attraction and more me trying to convince myself I was normal), am not looking for anyone, and have no intention of getting married in the foreseeable future.

Churches, in my experience, have no idea what to do with someone like this. A single woman is already suspect enough but one who isn't pathetic and pining about it? Clearly one of those selfish feminists (which is of course the Worst Insult Of All for a woman, besides calling her a woman instead of a lady) who will never get to know what Real Love is. Oh, and the birth rate is going down alarmingly, and we all know whose fault that is. Don't worry, God has someone out there for you. You just haven't found the right one yet. We're praying for your future husband. A Nice Godly Young Man™. My mom proudly reminds me that she has never pressured me to marry but then tells me things like if I decide I don't want to get married, what if someone comes along and I miss my chance? Or she'll try to reassure me that marriage isn't terrible.

I don't think marriage is terrible. In fact, I take marriage very seriously. That's why I'm not married. It's a huge deal to put that kind of trust in someone and to do so permanently (ideally). There's a lot of risk. People can seem nice but turn out to be not what you thought they were (this happened to my best friend, who married a man who turned out to be a p*rn addict who had no interest in correcting this sin and saving their marriage), and then you--and your children, if you have any by then--can get badly, irretrievably hurt. I wouldn't want to marry anyone whom I wasn't absolutely convinced was worthy of my trust. And quite frankly, I haven't encountered any guy who fits that description.

...because as far as I can tell, my super-traditional denomination doesn't tend to always raise its boys well (exceptions do exist, but I'm generalizing from what I've seen). These Nice Godly Young Men™ often come with a lot of emotional immaturity. A lot of inability to connect with women--we act like men and women are such different creatures that they can never truly relate to each other or share interests and besides, you ladies shouldn't be friends with guys anyway because it inevitably leads to sexual interest--and yet somehow they expect us to meet and connect enough to marry! There's a lot of ego and macho posturing and expectation of being the head Supreme Dictator of the household. And I don't want that. I don't want to be stuck with a man who expects me to be less intelligent than him. I don't want a man who wants to be a sort of combination of father and boss and military commander whom I am obligated to sleep with. I don't want a man who would see me as just a means to an end.

Are there men of reasonably comparable beliefs to my own who aren't like this? Sure, probably. But I'm not going to hold my breath for one even if I were interested in a marital relationship.

I wouldn't want to get married just because it's expected. Or because I'm afraid of being alone. Or because I think it will make me a Real Adult. Or because I want babies (not older children or teenagers or eventual adults--just cute, cuddly babies). Or because some guy comes along who's Nice Enough so I might as well. Or because everyone else is doing it and I need to be in the Wife/Mom Club too. Or because I'm a woman so I Have To. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair to either me or the man I would marry to enter into something so binding, so serious, on such flimsy pretexts. I would much, much rather be married to no one at all--which really isn't a dreadful fate at all!--than married for the wrong reason and have to live with those regrets.

God, for his own purposes, has not given me a desire for marriage, and I fully accept this. If that changes, he will make it clear to me. If there's someone out there who is genuinely good and kind and mature and wants a Rebekah (not just A Wife--any Nice girl will do for that--but me specifically as a whole human being) and needs to be in my life, well, God can make that happen, I guess. But honestly, I don't need this mythical creature to be happy. I have a family. I have friends. It's taken a long time but I'm becoming better at believing my friends really love me. And that means a lot. I am loved. I have purpose. A different purpose from many others' but still worthwhile.

I do struggle a lot with feeling silently compared to the women around me who have done the Good Baptist Girl thing, and I do wish that people in churches treated single women with the same regard as married ones. But even though that's hard, that doesn't change anything about how God feels about us.

So this whole thing of blaming unmarried women in their thirties for everything that's wrong with society? It's not that these women are ungodly. It's that we have high standards, and our culture is at a place where we don't have to just take what we can get to survive anymore. It's not ungodly to take marriage seriously enough to not just settle but rather hold out for someone who can best model what God really expects a good husband to be--or else find meaning and value in the life of a single person, nonetheless much beloved by the most loving and trustworthy one of all.

[ramonag-if]

The relationship of Mc’s family hits home for me. I was the exact same position as MC with their new sister; Rana, I was a young adult and my new sibling was just a kid, it really hurt when a parent start a new family after they had left you, and my dad said the similar words to me; It just happened, it was never planned. But it happened, you left and had a new family where I was never included, you could have reached out to me a long time ago but unfortunately I had to deal with the cards. I was angry and jealous at kid, not because I hated them but they symbolize the time I could had have if my parent had stayed, they had the moments with my parent that I could never have, they were enough for my parent to change, that they were enough for them to stay, but I was never enough that they left. My MC avoided Rana and didn’t choose to talk to her, cause the pain was fresh and present, it was not Raina’s fault that their mother had choose a choice that consequently had hurt MC permanently. I had headcanon what happen to me in past would happen to MC too; the relationship between their mother can never be fixed, the damage has been done, and choices that had been made for MC long ago that had hurt them that she can never take back, I think MC will find peace in the life they have made for themselves, the family they had created and deserved, and I would like to think that my MC who didn’t choose to have a relationship with Rana when she was a child would be different in the future, when the pain of the wounds have healed, I would think they would have talked it out and build a relationship, and MC would probably find some type of closure of their mom with their sister. It really broke my heart when their mother didn’t own up to what they have had done, and made excuses to justify what the choices she made that had hurt them ; why she they left and why she made a new family without them. It was not an accident, you made that choice and you have hurt so many people because all you think is about you and you never think about how we feel. When I finally had my kids I was able to build a relationship with my half brother even though it took awhile, I could stay angry at him when he had done nothing wrong. I was able to find peace, I had finally let go of my anger and just go on with life, my past would not change but I can be a parent that my father should’ve been to me to my own children. I hope MC found their peace in the future.

Sorry about the rant, it really had hit home and was personal to me. The writing and the relationship with the characters are so beautiful, and it really cuts me, and made me cry. It is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing this to me. I hope you are having a nice day.

Thank you for sharing this with me 💖 I really don't mind these long posts because it means that players care about the characters and the emotions I tried to convey in writing them.

I set out to create a complicated, messy family dynamic that was also realistic. I think for players who haven't experienced something similar in their own family dynamics, it's easier to walk the path of forgiveness and embracing Rana. It's a bit more difficult when those feelings are something you've dealt with IRL. I can't remember when, but someone asked me why Salyra and Ahlf can't just love the MC and my reply is that you can't fix everyone, even if this is a game, I didn't want to write a happily-ever-after ending where just by showing up, the MC will automatically have parents who magically change and become affectionate.

It didn't feel right for the characters – people do change, but it doesn't happen overnight and sometimes, it takes a different set of circumstances to make that change. Salyra's circumstances with Ahlf and the MC were completely different to the circumstances she had with Danzor and Rana which is why she might come across as being a different mother to Rana than she is with the MC 😬

I realised I've gone and answered quite more than I should have 😅 Thank you for playing and thank you for sharing your in-depth thoughts with me!

[unma]

so do you think that other aus like storyshift of swapshift could have frans like just asking cause sans is the king in storyshift and idk what sans is in swapshift I have to research but I'm curious

This is a really funny ask because this blog got its start because I started writing a Storyfell fic. I'm not making fun of you for asking this (it's more my fault for not having updated that fic in so long), but I do think this is a funny question to ask me of all people.

But yeah, I do think that there are ways to get Frans in Storyshift, whether it be the same way it happens in my fic (Frisk falling through the barrier from the exit in New Home and getting found by Sans instead of the Ruins), or in other ways.

On that topic, I actually had an idea for another Story(shift or fell, I never decided) Frans fic where Sans hides his identity as king to interact with his people and inadvertently meets and falls in love with Frisk. Touch this up with a bit of spicy angst when Frisk realizes that their new best friend is the same person that has ordered them dead and you have such a delicious fic.

Too bad it's been months and I've yet to write it.

As for Swapshift and Storyswap, I think it'd be even easier to write, as the Caretaker role lends itself to a lot of possibilities. In Swapshift (which iirc has Frisk as SS!Chara), the thought of Sans and Frisk whispering to each other through the wall and cracking jokes at each other... ah, why haven't I written this already?

Storyswap reminds me a lot of Altertale with how some of the position swaps are shared between the AUs, and in respect to that I've already seen a great fic between a Caretake Sans and fallen human Frisk: Reali-tea Is the Most Difficult Blend to Swallow, which though it's an Altertale fic does somewhat fit what I would expect from a Storyswap fic.

In general it's not the most difficult thing to make a Frans ship work as long as both characters exist in the AU. With enough brainstorming, I could probably come up with an idea for any AU I have any bit of knowledge about.

[sophieinwonderland]

“I think there has been a lot of fearmongering in the community about the concept of plurals helping other plurals…But I've also seen it before with the demonization of the Plural Association's planned warmline for plurals. (This also was paired with a conflation of Warmlines and crisis Hotlines. Note that these are not the same.)”

Eh I do think there is some criticisms to be made about the warmline. Because they are unable to give support to someone in crisis, people who are using that line for that reason are likely to not experience adequate support (and unfortunately when talking about hotlines/warmlines, this can range from how telling someone in crisis to have a cup of tea/take a bath/etc can feel really minimising to even there have been scenarios where people actively mocked for their crisis).

Like already they do not seem knowledgeable on how a crisis/support plan could be something to reject (I reject them from a place of ‘they have been used to harm me’).

I understand there’s a difference between warmlines and hotlines, but as someone who used to have over 20 chatlines/hotlines bookmarked they do sometimes function the same (like some warmlines do claim to support people in crisis) and it’s understandable why someone would think that they are the same.

This ofc doesn’t mean the line shouldn’t exist, I just think that expecting there probably will be some issues is fine (because yeah there probably will be). I also haven’t personally encountered people who seem to really hate the idea of the hotline (besides being suspicious because it’s unclear where funding/donations are going unless you’re subscribed to certain things and/or are inside their plural community platform), so my comments might be a bit off-base (since it feels like I’m maybe missing some context but idk)

I can see how this might be a valid criticism of warmlines in general.

It's absolutely true that peer warmlines aren't equipped to deal with a crisis. (Of course, you can also argue that hotlines themselves aren't equipped to deal with plurality.) But this isn't what they're meant to do. It's not the fault of the warmline if people end up misusing it.

The issue here is that, if this is really their problem, then why not take it up with all warmlines? Why is a plural warmline, specifically, so egregious? Why is it always a problem for plurals to help other plurals?

If you want context, here is popular post from January.

Note that while the title says "warmline/hotline," the post itself only refers to it as a "hotline." Despite the fact that TPA only ever calls it a warmline from what I've found.

As mentioned above, this is also true of most warmlines. Most warmline volunteers are not trained professionals. They're volunteers and peers who might know what you're going through, and may be able to lend an ear when you're in need. That said, the claim that they aren't trained at all is wrong according to The Plural Association.

Obviously, risks still exist. Some may not feel 40 hours is enough. But this would also be true of ALL warmlines. It's not something unique to the Plural Association's warmline. So again, why is it only problematic when it's plurals helping other plurals?

And it's really not like Crisis Hotline are risk free either. Especially with conditions that the person on the other end just won't understand.

Context on this: TPA did a poll. TPA asked if participants felt crisis or hotline providers they've been in contact with understood DID and OSDD. 40% of the people who responded had never used a hotline or warmline.

The claim is that TPA was "manipulating data" by excluding the people who had never used a hotline from their data.

This is pretty obviously ridiculous if you think about it for more than two seconds. It's like if there was a poll about your customer service at Subway, and you said that excluding people who had never eaten at Subway from the statistic was "manipulating the data."

Obviously, the 40% who haven't been in contact with a hotline or crisis line shouldn't be counted given the very nature of the question.

The whole thing feels like a massive smear of plurals for trying to make a warmline for plurals to reach other plurals who might understand them and what they're going for in a way singlets can't.

Overall, even if it's not perfect, this is a goal that I believe should be celebrated and encouraged, not derided.

[riddlerosehearts]

Okay now I've come to ask you about Elenion! I want to know everything!!! What about them has grown and changed? Are they still a bard with a bit of stage fright? Did their origin story change at all? How's Gale? Are you hoping for anything specific from Act 3? (You don't have to answer all those questions, just giving some prompts 😊) I'm pumped that you're loving the game!!!

ooh okay, well first of all i hope the way that i always switch between using he/him and they/them pronouns for elenion isn't confusing. i actually use the mirror to swap them in-game sometimes too and i really love that that's a thing they let you do. oh and speaking of using the mirror, back when i first started playing i shared with you some screenshots of what he looked like but since then i ended up changing to a slightly different face preset from a mod i had installed--he basically just has freckles and shorter/smaller ears now, but that fits much better than what i started with.

also, while i was waiting to be able to replace my hard drive i actually filled out a whole character sheet i found on here just for the fun of it and was planning to post it later! maybe i'll also write out a character description along with it, so i can reference that if i need to.

anyway, gonna put the rest of this under a cut just in case it gets lengthy! (assuming the cut shows up in the correct place, anyway. i had this reply saved as a draft and tumblr keeps glitching and messing things up whenever i save the draft.)

so back when i first started playing, i had come up with a basic idea for what kind of character i wanted to make but a lot of it was sort of vague. and then as i played through act 1 i ended up coming up with different ideas that i preferred and decided to stick with. i didn't really change too much about elenion's personality! i think i told you before that they've always wanted to live up to the legacy of their father who was himself a renowned bard but they're very anxious and insecure, and that they're very reserved but also friendly and good at putting on a confident facade. that's all still true. however, i think i also told you that they were pretty normal and didn't have a traumatic backstory and that their father died after they moved away from home… well, i did change that a bit! i decided that their father actually died like 15 years ago when they were still a teenager, in an accident that they have always believed was their fault, and there was no way for them to save him or bring him back--so that's why they've continued to act the way they do for so long, and also why they very infrequently visit baldur's gate and are anxious about returning. they gradually distanced themself from their home and from their mother out of guilt and haven't visited in years at this point, always using their work and their travels as an excuse, so now having to be back in the city means having to face that.

something else that's important is that before getting abducted by mindflayers elenion would basically do a lot of historical and anthropological research in whatever places he visited as a way to gain inspiration for his writing, and he actually really prefers just doing research and putting on smaller performances over trying to be the glamorous bard that his father was, but before ending up on this crazy journey and becoming more comfortable with opening up to gale and the other companions he would've never admitted that to anyone including himself. right now he still plans to just keep doing what he's been doing after all this is over, but maybe he'll end up accepting that it is not working, isn't making him happy, and probably isn't how his father would've wanted him to spend his life. all of this is still a fairly simple story, but hey, sometimes simplicity works best!

gale is literally so sweet and is such a gentleman and i can't believe there are people who hate him. something i did in the game not too long ago was find tara on a rooftop eating pigeons and after she left gale was like "oh by the way, i was thinking about introducing you two over a homecooked meal in my super cool tower that has a really nice kitchen and a wine cellar, if you would like that!" …uh, hello, who WOULDN'T afkjghdsfs. i actually had him in my party during the big battle at the mind flayer colony and he very nearly tried to blow himself up, but elenion talked him out of it and now he seems like he really does want to live, so obviously i'm glad about that… only now he constantly talks about wanting to find this book about the netherese crown and try to use its power, which is concerning and i really hope i don't somehow accidentally convince him to become a god omg. i honestly can't really think of anything specific that i'm wanting to see in act 3, i'm just excited to see what happens and how everybody's stories end! though i know gale has at least one more really sweet romance scene coming up in act 3 because i've seen gifs of it, so i guess i can say i'm looking forward to getting to see it for myself. i also really want to know what's going to happen with lae'zel and the githyanki egg we found since in my game she's been carrying it around and seems pretty attached to it, like are we actually going to come across a more accepting creche to drop it off at, or is she just going to end up becoming a mother, or…?? but as for the main plot i pretty much have no idea what to expect!!

[pridepoisoned]

(ooc. man it has been a whole minute!! perpetually wanting to write here again but a couple reasons do hold me back, at least for the time being...

The b*ts. I don't know what happened to this blog in particular, but I'm getting a ridiculous amount of them on here (like at least 5 a day, no lie.) It's honestly so soul-sapping when you see that the notifications are all blank accts, all the way down, for months.

Anons. I hope this is just one person, but I've been grappling with a slew of either passive-aggressive and/or crack-y anons. I'm not against being silly, but that's not close to the main reason why I write on this blog. I've spent a lot of time trying to give Eris/Jupiter a larger role in things because she's such a minor character living in Cyrus's shadow, and to have that all disrespected because someone repeatedly wants to make the same 'spacesuit' jokes (or pull some Looney Tunes-esque pranks) is kind of disheartening. This issue really isn't about heroes or villains--it's more about respect between muse portayals/muns.

It isn't Galactic's moment. I have a hard time inserting Jupiter places, and even with Eris--who I created because I wanted Jup to have a more fleshed-out post-arc with more interaction potential--struggles to gain traction, or to be taken seriously (or to be viewed as more than a stepping stone for others.) Importantly, I think this is partly my fault for being shy and going ghost at times--and I own that. Even so, I've never been shy about sending things out, and silences over time make me--often irrationally--question my whole portrayal, which never feels great.

Now, with that being said, I want to say that there are solutions to all of these issues. I have grown numb to the bots. I have toyed with turning anon off (and have since found solace in just deleting most of them on sight.) And I know that the last gripe is irrational. I haven't been here recently for outreach, I know other people are busy or might not vibe atm (and that's completely okay!) and I have amazing interactions and threads with so many fantastic people who I know are interested and invested in this muse. I honestly don't know what about this muse makes me feel on edge--it's probably a combination of the above factors--but I refuse to dwell in the negative.

Really, the main issue for this muse right now is time, and balancing a busy life. Right now, I'm having a fun time on Clair--fun is the goal, after all--and that leaves so little time to focus with the extra upkeep of everything on this side of the coin. HOWEVER.

I have not forgotten about Jupiter/Eris, or the plots or threads here. I love the villain that I've created (and built with the help of so many,) and I will be back soon, you can be sure of that. Can't keep the Commander down!)

[silvercaptain24]

Okay! It's a little long but definitely let me know what you think of it!

When Link was really young he lost his father, like he couldn't even remember so it was him and his mother. His mother died when he was still a child, so Link grew up on the streets as an orphan. As he grew older, he grew more sympathetic to the kids living on the streets and vowed that he would protect them from the harsh life that he has lived (always on the verge of death). So when he was old enough (though he tried getting in early several times) he enlisted himself in the military and used as many rupees as he could spare for the orphan kids.

Not long after the war starts. He meets the other Links of course (I'm thinking of actually incorporating this somehow in my Scrambled Links AU, though we might not have pirate wars ;-;), especially the Fierce Hero, the first out of all of them. While the other heroes are kinda meh with Fierce (since all of them have completed their adventures), Fierce kind of became the adopted father of Wars, especially because they both look similar and technically it's Fierce's fault that Cia is on a rampage because in Fierce Hero's time Cia was in love with the Fierce hero before Hylia had made Cia the watcher over the balance of the Triforce because [redacted].

During the war he meets this merchant and his daughter, Kelynn. Now she is important because Link falls in love with her because she's the first person to ever treat him as a person. Not a street rat, not a soldier, not even as the hero of Hyrule or the negatives that come with that. Just a regular, human being.

The war eventually ends; the Links go back to their times and the Fierce Hero... well, haven't figured out his ending yet. Link just probably keeps his mask with him.

Now even though I've always been a huge Zelink shipper, I went a different direction just to see what non-Zelink relationship is like, so in this Link and Zelda just has friendship. Zelda did fancy Link, but with her being a queen and with the war still leaving a bad taste in people's mouths, she found it wiser not to go pursuing a relationship with him. After all, Link had fallen for Kelynn.

So it's no surprised that Link and Kelynn eventually settled down and got married together. And of course had a family, but not without a few hiccups. Their firstborn had some complications and was born with half of his right arm missing. One of their daughters gets sick a lot, and with Link always going out because of his position as the captain of the guard so he doesn't see his family a lot. He will die a tragic death of course, but that won't be for another few years down the line, not at least until his son has time to shine being a one-armed soldier :3

Also to mention, with him never really growing up without a father is kind of the context behind that argument comic I made the other day. Link doesn't know how to behave around a father-figure, and Fierce Hero really also doesn't know how to be a father because... well... he never got to see his child grow up.

Well.

That’s a lot sadder than I thought it was gonna be.

[stargazer-sims]

Journal Entry #53

previously - Journal Entry #52

Victor

"Do you even know what I need?"

I can't believe I said that to my poor husband, especially given how our conversation had been going and the state of mind he was obviously in. Even before the entire sentence was out of my mouth, I regretted it, but unfortunately there was no way to pull it back in.

Several minutes before that, I'd found Yuri in the upstairs bathroom, crying his heart out. I think he was trying to hide from me, but I figured he would've realized by now that he never can. I don't know how I always know when something's wrong with him. I just do, and usually I'm able to help him in some way.

On this night, though? Tonight, not only did I not help, but I possibly made things worse.

Not that anyone else’s opinion has any real impact here, but I want you guys to understand, asking Yuri that question wasn't meant as a rebuke. Although it probably came out sounding that way, I wasn't trying to criticize him.

The truth is, up until recently, he's been giving me exactly what I need, whether he's able to articulate what that is or not. And if he can't put it into words, that's not his fault. It's not as if he's never asked me what I need. He has, but it's my inability to express stuff clearly that's the problem, not his ability to understand, and for me to demand him to explain something that I can barely even explain myself was beyond unfair.

What Yuri does for me, and what I've always needed someone to do, is to help provide stability for me. Sometimes, when I'm scared or stressed or upset, I have a hard time processing my thoughts and regulating my energy. I don't really know how to describe it, but it's like static in my brain, like white noise that makes it nearly impossible for me to hear the part of my mind that controls my impulses and forms logical thoughts. But, Yuri knows how to calm me down when I'm like that. He knows better than anyone what a mess I am, and he always seems to have the ability to sort me out.

Yuri was the one who realized the importance of schedules for me, too. As silly as it sounds, he gave me a regular bedtime and wake-up time, and helped me build other routines into my life that are the same every day. I can't even begin to tell you what a huge difference that's made in terms of how well I'm able to process my emotions and regulate my energy. I guess it's because those are things I don't have to focus on now, so I'm able to devote more brainpower to being a functional human.

Another thing he does is to talk sense into me when I need it. I like to say he's my voice of reason, 'cause I'm not particularly reasonable sometimes.

Being with him has helped me grow as a person. I think I'm more mature because of him, and more responsible. He teaches me by example how to be brave and resilient and emotionally strong. In situations where I'd be likely to give up, Yuri keeps going. As frail and sick as he is, if he can persevere, I have no excuse.

Since he's been really sick this time, though, something's changed. This is the most seriously ill I've ever seen him, and usually when he's not well, he's clingy and needy and just wants to be held and fussed over as much as possible which, contrary to what people may think, I don't mind at all. I haven't been able to take care of him like I normally would, and I'm sure that's affecting him, but it's more than that. I feel like he's been distancing himself from me, and I don't understand why. I've never known him to be as emotionally fragile as he's been over the past several weeks, and I suppose I expected that to lead to him wanting more affection, not less.

Not gonna lie, the lack of physical touch is hard on me, 'cause that's another thing I need. I'm a very tactile person, and Yuri touching me in any way makes me feel grounded and safe, particularly because I know how much of an act of trust it is for him to touch or be touched by anyone. I love it when he gets onto my lap and wants me to hold him, but I'm equally happy when he gives me a hug or plays with my fingers or pets my hair. And I like it when he lets me touch him in any way at all, but especially intimately. It's good to feel trusted. I'm missing that now, and it's starting to hurt me quite a lot.

Yuri didn't answer my question, but I didn't expect him to, since it was kind of rhetorical anyway. The problem was, he cried harder, and the sound of his sobs went straight to my heart. It felt like an invisible knife was stabbing me in the chest, and it took a sheer force of will for me not to start crying as well.

I felt so bad for snapping at him and upsetting him more than he already had been. Yes, I was frustrated and confused, but that didn't justify it.

I know there are people out there who believe he uses emotional manipulation on me. Like, people have said that to my face, so I'm not just being weird or paranoid about it. And yeah, maybe he does do it occasionally, but I've never met another human being who doesn't do it once in a while. But, to anyone who thinks Yuri regularly exploits my sensitivity with fake tears or some other made-up crap, I just wanna remind you that you aren't here with us all the time. You see what we show you, and that doesn't always include the moments of raw, genuine emotional reaction.

I promise you, Yuri's tears tonight were real, not made up to trick me into doing anything. In fact, I got the feeling he would’ve preferred that I wasn’t anywhere near him. Something was hurting him, and I was pretty sure it wasn't his illness. I was afraid it was me.

When he didn't respond after several seconds, I said softly, "I'm sorry."

I could barely hear him as he said weakly, "Go away."

"No," I said. "We need to figure this out.

Finally, he looked up at me. His face was all puffy and swollen, and the edges of his eyes were red. He looked awful, and I just wanted to hold him and soothe away any pain that I could.

"There's nothing to figure out," he said. "You'd be better off without me."

"Yuri." His name was all I could get out at first as I battled my desire to break down in tears. I drew in the deepest breath I was capable of. "Yuri, I need you. Please don't ever say I'd be better off without you, 'cause I wouldn't be. Without you, I... I might not even be here."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"How could you forget?" I said. "Remember the day I came home from the hospital? That night?"

"Yes."

I folded my arms close to my body, but the self-protecting gesture did little to prevent the shiver of dread that went through me at the memory of that night. I'm not sure I really wanted to talk about it, but something in my conscience told me I needed to reveal one particular thing to my husband. It was a secret too big to keep, and I needed him to know, and there might never be a more appropriate time.

"That night... I literally wanted to die, Yuri. Not figuratively. Literally. I would've been perfectly fine with closing my eyes and never waking up."

He stared at me, and the expression that crossed his face was nothing short of haunted. "You...? Literally?"

"Yeah," I said. "I was angry and scared and... I don't know. Desperate, I guess. I felt like my whole life was ruined, just because of one dumb mistake."

"It wasn't," he said. "Didn't I tell you that?"

"I know. You did, and I trusted you. It's the reason I'm here," I said. "But, I think I was out of my mind that night. Like, I wasn't thinking straight at all. I'd never been in that much pain in my entire life, and I was worried that I'd never be able to see again, and everything was just... too much. I know it's nothing compared to the pain you're in sometimes, but I still couldn't handle it. Not like you can."

"I didn't realize," he said. "I wanted to help you settle down because I knew you were upset, but I... I didn't realize..."

"I'm still around because of you," I reiterated, and in a flash of clarity it occurred to me that statement was one hundred percent true.

I don't know if there's a word for how horrible and useless and stupid I felt after my accident. Combine that with an excruciating headache, deep bone pain in both my arms, unrelenting nausea from the medication I was taking, and the absolutely terrifying prospect of permanently losing my vision, and I had a recipe for the end of life as I knew it. In hindsight, it's easy to say I was overreacting, but all I wanted on that first night back at home was for all my pain, both physical and psychological, to disappear.

You know how I explained that my struggles with impulse control and rational thinking are worse when I'm stressed? Left alone that night, it's likely that I would've made a very bad choice, and as a consequence, I wouldn't be here right now to share my thoughts about it. Thankfully, I had Yuri by my side. He couldn't make the pain go away, but he convinced me I could endure it and that it'd eventually pass. He was right, and I'm beyond grateful he was there with me.

I continued with, "You told me that you didn't know what you'd do without me. You said you'd stay by me no matter what, and you promised to take care of me, remember? You promised. What happened to that? Didn't you mean it?"

"Of course I meant it."

"If you meant it, then why are you saying I'd be better off without you now?" I said. "If you thought I needed you a few weeks ago, why wouldn't you still think that?"

"Because I was wrong."

"About what?"

"I wanted to be useful," he said. "I wanted to feel like an equal partner, and I wanted you to be able to trust me to look after you."

"I did trust you," I said. "I do."

More tears began to leak from the edges of his eyes and spill down his face. "I really tried. I tried my best to be strong for you and take care of you, but... I couldn't do it. I can't be equal to you. I can't even do a fraction of what you do.”

“It doesn’t matter if you’re not able to do everything all the time. I get it, and it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not fine, Look what happened to me after only a few days. Other people ended up having to take care of me, and where did that leave my promise to you?"

"You had no control over that," I said. "You did try your hardest, and you were awesome, but we both know you were already starting to get sick before my accident."

"This always happens. It's as if I'm always too ill when you need me the most."

"I need you all the time," I said.

"You don't need me being a burden to you."

"You're not a burden to me. How often am I going to have to tell you that? Taking care of you is a lot, but it's not a burden. I want to do it."

"But, what if I don't want to make your life difficult any more?" he said.

"You're not making my life difficult. If I ever made you feel that way, I'm sorry, 'cause I never meant to. You make my life better, and I'll never not want you in it."

"It... it wasn't you who made me think that," he said.

I held out my good hand to him. "Will you let me touch you?"

He chewed on his lip, clearly wrangling with the decision. I could practically see the debate going on in his head, reflected in his eyes. I could also see the precise moment when he made up his mind.

He crept slowly across the floor toward me, and crawled onto my lap. Wrapping his arms around my body, he leaned into me and rested his head against my shoulder. I held him with my good arm.

He cried for a while, and I stayed quiet, just letting him get it all out. It was plain to see that our situation had been bothering him and that he'd been spending a lot of time thinking about it. I suspected it'd been on his mind for some time, even before his conversation with Seiji, but whatever had happened between them certainly hadn't done anything to improve matters at all.

It infuriated me to think that Seiji had gone to see him in the hospital with the sole intention of telling him off. Of course I knew how Seiji felt — he'd made it perfectly clear that day in the park — but when he said he was going to give Yuri a piece of his mind, I never dreamed it'd be something like that. I thought maybe he'd give him a bit of a hard time for having to work instead of being there to see me compete. I didn't expect he'd go there and air out all his pent-up negativity.

And like... how dare he say Yuri is a terrible person? And how dare he try to interfere in our relationship and tell Yuri that I'm unhappy and that I'd be better off without him? I wanted to give him a huge piece of my mind for that.

Generally, I give people the benefit of the doubt, and I get that Seiji's going through a lot of difficult stuff, but that gives him no right to make everyone else as miserable as he is. Some of us are working hard to be the best versions of ourselves, and nobody needs another person tearing them down.

I decided I'd let it go for the time being. The last thing I wanted was to get into a pointless fight. I have more important things to focus on than Seiji Hinamori's poor behaviour. Besides, I reasoned that I'd get my opportunity to speak to him about it at some point anyway, and maybe it'd be a more productive conversation if we had the benefit of time to calm down and gain some perspective

"I love you," I said, once Yuri's weeping had subsided to sniffling and a few tiny whimpers. "I need you and I want you, and nothing anyone says is ever going to change that. Do you understand?"

He nodded against my shoulder, and said, "Yes, but..."

"No 'buts'," I said. "Maybe it's hard for you to accept hearing this from me right now, but you know what? That's totally okay. Take your time and figure out whatever you need to figure out, but just keep in mind that I'm not going anywhere while you're sorting through it.

He sighed. "Okay." Then, after a second or two, "Victor?"

'Yeah?"

"I really don't deserve you."

"It's not about deserving," I said. "Most of us wouldn't be happy if we got what the powers of the universe or whatever decided that we deserved. Wouldn't you rather have what you need than what you deserve?"

"Are you angry with me?"

"No, I'm not angry," I told him. "I'm worried about you. I'm sorry if you thought I was mad. I'm tired and frustrated, and I guess I could be handling it better, but that's got nothing to do with you. That's just me wishing things would get back to normal faster."

"Me too," he said. "I'm so tired."

"I know, love," I reached up to run my fingers through his hair. "It's okay. You've been through a lot lately."

"So have you.”

“Yeah, but I’m mostly better. Now we’ve got to work on getting you back on your feet.”

“I know I shouldn’t complain,” he said. “But I don’t know if that’s going to happen. Me getting back on my feet. Everything hurts, and I don’t know how to cope with it any more.”

"Saying you're tired or in pain isn't complaining. You’re allowed to say how you feel,” I told him. “It might actually be easier to deal with if you talk about it.”

"I'm too tired to talk. I can’t even think any more."

“Do you want to go to bed now?" I asked. Sleep wasn't the long-term solution, I realized, but if he was mentally tired, at least some sleep would give him a break from whatever turmoil was in his head.

"Yeah," he said.

"Would you like me to sleep in your bed with you, or do you still want to be alone?"

"I never want to be alone," It came out so softly that I wouldn't have caught it if his head hadn't been so close to mine. "Never again. I'm so afraid of that. But I'm scared that if I can't become a worthwhile person, I... I'll be alone... again... forever."

I thought he had run out of tears, but they renewed themselves in the middle of a sentence and left him hiccuping for breath by the end of it. He slumped down onto my legs, as if he didn't have a scrap of strength left to hold himself upright any more.

"Shh... shh..." I rubbed his back the way I know he likes, trying to comfort him. "Listen to me. You are a worthwhile person. You're an amazing person. Don’t I tell you that all the time?”

“Y-yes.”

“We all have stuff to work on,” I said. “If you want to fix some things, I'll help you however I can. Or you can ask for help from a professional if you think that's what you need, or we could talk to somebody together. When you're ready, you just tell me what you want, okay?"

"I want to feel like I’m enough," he whispered.

I pushed away the urge to tell him that he already is enough, that in my eyes, he’s everything. I’m sure he knows how much I love him and I’m equally sure that, deep down, he understands there are a lot of people in his life who do accept him just as he is.

The real problem is that he’s struggling to accept himself.

I don't think his poor self-worth is a new problem. My guess is that it goes back so far that he's forgotten how to think of himself as inherently valuable and is convinced he has to earn approval and validation from others. Except he never can, because when someone praises him or tells him he matters, he doesn't trust that they're telling the truth, because by his own standards it's literally impossible for him to measure up.

I could’ve given him every affirmation I could think of, and he wouldn’t have believed any of them. I wanted to tell him how strong and courageous and resilient he is, how intelligent and practical, and so delicately beautiful that it should be me who calls him 'treasure' and not the other way around. I wanted to say that he doesn't have to be objectively perfect to be perfect for me. But, all those words would’ve been lost if I spoke them aloud just then, and that realization broke my heart.

What I said instead was, "I'm never going to let you go. You're the most important person in the world to me."

With the proper help, I hope that one day when he looks at himself, he'll be able to see what I see when I look at him. Not a single one of us is flawless — not Yuri or me or anyone else — but everyone has something to offer the world. Everyone has value. Each of us means something to someone, whether we recognize that or not, and we each have our own special place in the grand design of the universe.

Sitting there in the middle of our bathroom floor, it occurred to me that I want the same thing for Yuri that he wants for himself. I want him to be happy, and I want him to understand that regardless of his disability, of any personal shortcomings or any mistakes he's made, of any bad thing anyone's said to him or about him — regardless of anything — he is enough.

[thechaoticreader]

I have to rant about Tender Is The Flesh!!

Last year I read Tender is The Flesh by Augustina Bazterrica and I haven't seen many people agree with me so if Booktok has been yelling at you to read it and you're tired of the vague positive reviews, this is for you!

*Disclaimer: this is all my opinion/feelings, if you loved this book I'm glad and if a negative review of a book you love will be upsetting please protect your peace and ignore me <3*

General Thoughts & Why I Hate It

Im going to start out by saying I am a vegetarian and used to be strictly vegan! The book is very heavy handed about its eating meat=bad beliefs which I found exhausting. At many times throughout the story I found myself shouting "OH MY GOD I GET IT!!! MEAT IS MURDER. JUST TELL ME THE STORY" into the void. It makes very weird parallels that I don't agree with and there was next to no room for nuanced discussion. It felt like the author was holding my hand and explaining absolutely everything, not letting me infer anything, which I personally don't enjoy. I will say its possible that because it is a translated novel that the above issues only apply to the English translation and that its a fault of the translator rather than Augustina.

Another issue I have is that to me none of the characters actually felt like fleshed out people, rather just objects things happen to/around. The main characters motivations make no sense (especially in the second half), where he doesn't even feel like a person, you don't really get to know him and then what little you do gets completely contradicted in the second half of the book. The main character at the beginning is almost unrecognizable from himself by the end. I can't even call it character development because it feels like he sees one shitty thing than a switch flips and he's completely different. Through the whole time reading, I did not feel any type of way towards any character, I didn't care about any of them which made it hard to care about the novel. When I first finished it I felt no type of way but the longer I've had to sit with it, the more I'm growing to dislike it. The worst part is that it could have been so good, with some more nuance and character development it would have been a very interesting story!

There is also a graphic sexual assault scene which I wish I had known about going in. As a surviver of S/A I try to stay away from novels with it unless I've had time to prepare and be in a good headspace to consume it. So a completely RANDOM S/A scene that doesn't matter to the plot really caught me off guard and almost immediately ruined the book. I'm fine with assault scenes if and only IF it is important to the plot/character development. My problem is when its thrown in to demonstrate a character being shitty or for shock value, which I feel is the reason it was included in Tender Is The Flesh; if you removed the whole chapter it would make absolutely no difference and THATS where I have the problem.

My Problem with BookTok & Advertising

First, booktokers and book tubers saying that its best to go into blind and not giving a trigger warning for S/A. I think its generally irresponsible to not give trigger warnings and to encourage people to go in knowing nothing, its so easy to say "hey this book has _" so that survivors aren't further harmed. This is a general criticism that I'll probably do another post going into further.

Second, people call it a horror novel when its really not, its a dystopian and while not a huge issue, it just sets up expectations that it doesn't live up to! It felt a lot more akin to books like the Handmaids Tale than those in the horror genre. So if you want a horror novel, probably don't pick this up but if you want a kinda disturbing, dark dystopian then maybe this will be your book! Accuracy in genre is important because there are tons of people who love one genres and hate other, like myself who eat, sleeps and breaths horror but has never found a proper dystopian that I even kinda enjoyed. Or, people who love romance and don't care about fantasy may like a romantacy but hate a fantasy with a small romance side plot.

Anyway those are my feelings, I hope it helps someone decide if they want to read it or not! Once again, if you disagree thats totally okay! If you loved the book, I'm so happy for you! My problems with it shouldn't detract from hour enjoyment of it!

[dark9896]

Gems [Klaus x Reader]

Requested by Anonymous 🔮

Klaus stood, blinking in the late evening sun. His eyes couldn't be deceiving him. Standing in front of him was a person with shiny, crystal-like hair, it was almost completely translucent at that. Though he couldn't be certain if they were ultimately friend or foe, he couldn't mistake the fear in their eyes.

He felt so very guilty about scaring them. Despite having just saved them from a blood breed.

"Pardon me." Klaus tried to make a good impression at least, "Are you alright?"

"Uh... yeah, I think."

Klaus tilted his head a bit, "You aren't hurt are you?"

"No..." You said slowly, "But I don't know if you're going to try anything either."

Klaus backed up several feet, hands up in surrender, "No! no, of course not! I would never! I simply haven't seen anyone like you before, though that isn't a bad thing. I uh..."

Klaus cleared his throat, "My apologies, I'm Klaus von Reinherz. And you are?"

"Blue Topaz." You covered your mouth instantly, "Uh, please forget I said that, call me [Name]."

Klaus raises a single eyebrow, "Is... is your true name Blue Topaz?"

You shuffled your feet, slowly nodding. Klaus didn't know what to think about this, but you had asked him to call you something else, something that sounded more human.

"Its a pleasure to meet you [Name]." He slowly extended a hand, "If I may ask, why do you keep that a secret?"

"You see, I'm not human." You shakily met his hand, "And people tend to hunt me... and my kind, for the purpose of making jewelry and decorations."

Klaus's eyes widened, "You needn't fear me doing that. I promise. Though, I do worry. Will you be okay?"

"I don't really know. I'm very far from home you see." You moving your hair like that produced several soft clink noises, "And I wouldn't know how to get back either. I've never actually seen a human before..."

~~~~~

It was difficult for Klaus to think about how that interaction was so long ago. How much time genuinely passed, how much he spent with you.

Part of it was due to your natural fighting skills, becoming an indispensable part of Libra certainly influenced how much the two of you saw one another. The rest was Klaus's natural curiosity and steadily growing attraction towards you.

He seriously hoped that he wasn't acting creepily, or worse forcing himself onto you. Though it was more him trying to hold your hand than anything else.

You found it a little patronizing to be touched so gently. As if he were treating you like glass instead of a gemstone. While you couldn't fault him entirely, it was mildly annoying to be treated so delicately. Especially when you had been a prized warrior in your own time.

Though you were starting to piece together what happened. An anomaly had thrown you back in time. For what purpose you didn't know. It wasn't like there were any ancient gems in your time, nor any old folk tales. For all you knew, this was a displacement of space AND time.

Humans were much warmer than you thought they'd be.

~~~~~

Zapp was standing in the middle of the office, freaking out. One bad trip and you were laying across the floor, completely shattered. A million thoughts flew through Zapp's head. How would he cover this up? He could just throw all the pieces in the trash... But then Gilbert would see it and Chief would have his a$$ on flambe.

He could always play up that they tripped, no one would know. Right? There wasn't proof it was his fault after all. But they were out in the open, nothing in sight for them to trip on.

*ding!*

AAAAAAAAAAA

"Oh calm down." Zapp jumped away from where your voice came from, "Just scoop up what you can and put me in that little empty can. It's the one by Klaus's desk."

Zapp didn't think, just piled all of your fragments into the bucket. Your face was mostly in one piece, and this was probably the furthest from the strangest injury you'd ever had.

Klaus however... he looked ready to faint. If he didn't outright murder Zapp for causing this. Though the process to piece you back together was fairly straightforward. It was just a painstakingly slow process as Gilbert was the only one capable of fitting the splinters together properly.

Not to say Klaus didn't try to help, just that his efforts were less than helpful. Though he was both beside himself with worry and completely absorbed in admiring just how pretty every fragment looked. Almost like a clear night sky in mid December, right at twilight.

He both adored that and abhorred the fact that he was seeing it.

Though this happened every time you fought. Or just about every time at least. Klaus couldn't handle seeing you like this, even if it was perfectly okay. He worried. Especially that he wouldn't be able to truly express his feelings... not when the fear of breaking you with a hug was all too real for him.

[viilocitee]

so I’m delusional and I literally just started my dive into the Roy x Wolt ship and your last post abt them was SCRUMPTIOUS so I was wondering if you could give us some headcannons for their relationship???

HI ANON, omg, sorry for the late response!!!

Uhhh... I had to look back at my posts and I don't know whether you were referring to someone else's ask about Roy's marriage options and I was like "WOLT IS HIS SEVENTH OPTION" or the one that was a Mother's Day post and it was kid Roy and Wolt haha.

ANYWAYS, I STILL LOVE THEM. It's just that I am OLD and have to age up Roy and Wolt if I ship them (went through my drafts and died a little bit from all of my Roy x Wolt drafts hahahaha), but uhhhh, I do remember my headcanons from waaaaay back until now, so here they are (if you're still interested...)

But welcome into the Roy x Wolt ship!!

Roy x Wolt (as kids)

Roy is an absolute menace and no one can tell me otherwise. He was the reason for Rebecca's headaches.

Roy constantly dragged Wolt into situations resulting Rebecca just yelling at Wolt (because he's her son) and Wolt hated playing with Roy, which made Roy sad and so Roy would bring him things to apologize (turns out they were items from other people and then just got Wolt into more trouble...)

Roy wore a lot of white because he was the Marquess's son, but his shirt always came back a darker color... Wolt's did too, but mainly Roy's fault lol

Roy x Wolt (as teens)

At one point, Wolt realized that they were in different stations therefore he stepped back to do whatever he was doing in their supports (which pissed Roy off honestly).

Wolt is taller than Roy as teen and has the height advantage until he didn't...

Roy's puberty kicks in (mainly because I headcanon his mother as Ninian and therefore dragon blood causes slow puberty?) and just becomes taller than Wolt

Idk, they make up and etc, but Wolt continues to support Roy on a more personal level too

Roy x Wolt (as adults) - This can go several ways, but mainly headcanon Roy ceding Pherae to Lilina for the Kingdom of Lycia (as stated in FE6's ending)

Roy and Wolt stay in Pherae and do whatever they have to do, but the pressure is less on Roy now since Lilina is the one who officially needs to have a heir for the Kingdom of Lycia, so they probably adopt kids and raise them as their own

OR Roy and Wolt leaves Pherae and travels (read: Smash Bros LMAO) and they have their family however they please

My personal headcanons

This is controversial, but uh... Roy tops lmao. I prefer my ships certain ways and I've been shipping Roy x Wolt forever and Roy always topped, so if Wolt tops well... I'm not interested lol

Wolt is a few months older than Roy: Rebecca gave birth to Wolt and wanted another daughter, but got another boy (Roy) to take care of, so she never had another child lol.

Only Wolt really knows Roy's true nature--I know Lilina mentions that she knows how clumsy Roy is and etc, but I'd like to think that Roy actual puts up a front around Lilina as well just so she doesn't worry, but he doesn't do it with Wolt. Essentially Wolt knows how much of a menace Roy REALLY is.

Roy is hotheaded/passionate while Wolt is cool and a bit more calm (just look at their affinities in the game. Roy's is fire and Wolt's is ice/water)

Wolt learns how to hunt and cook from Rebecca, so Wolt is a much better cook than Roy. Roy probably sets burns ice cream or something idk.

If I haven't bore you yet, I'm willing to put more headcanons I guess! But thanks for your ask--I found some drafts of Roy x Wolt that I might fix up and post :3