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milliesfishes · 2 days

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Inscrutable (Impossible Part Two)

[fem reader] contains: war, rivalry, pregnancy angst, difficult childbirth, death, sexual themes. summary: you and billy navigate your relationship in the face of the lincoln county war pairing: billy the kid x fem reader author’s note: since the show isn't over yet, I had to take liberties with the ending, but tbh prolly would have done so anyways. enjoy and I apologize in advance. this was a labor of love, and I'm very proud of this story <3 Pinterest Board

You had never before known bliss.

But lying here, bare and soft in the afterglow of lovemaking, you found it over and over. Billy was half lying on you, his face in your shoulder, panting with his right hand knotted with yours. Your other hand lazily came up to rest on the back of his head, elbow bent, fingers dragging through his hair once.

He lifted his head after a moment, a sleepy smile on his face. "How ya feelin' Daisy?"

"Mm," you sighed, your eyes half closed. "Really good."

"Really good, huh?" he propped his chin on your shoulder.

"Really, really good," you affirmed, and he nudged his nose against you.

Billy gazed at you, the glow from the morning light through your window settling on him. He lifted himself up to hover over you, leaning on his forearms and just looking at you. By now you were used to this; he did it often after sex.

His bright blue eyes drank you in, your smooth skin, your wonderfully messy hair, the haze that had settled over your face. He ducked down to kiss your nose lightly. "So pretty." Another kiss, but this time to the space between your eyes. "Prettiest girl in the west."

You smiled as you always did at his affections but lifted your head impatiently. "Pretty sure I look the same every time."

"Mm, gotta make sure just in case," Billy teased, kissing your cheek, then your jaw. "Sides, even if ya do, you're pretty enough to look at over-" he kissed your neck. "-'n over-" he bit at the spot playfully and you squealed. "-'n over again."

You wiggled a bit under him, looking up at him sleepily. "I wanna cuddle."

"Cuddlebug," he smiled, resting his chin between your breasts. "Let me look atcha just a little more Daisy?"

He was giving you puppy dog eyes and you giggled, unable to say no. Especially when he was so handsome, bare and smooth against your own bare and smooth body. "We're gonna be cuddling for a million hours after."

"A million it is," he grinned, pressing little kisses to your chest, nosing under your breast and kissing you there too. "Mm, dunno how 'm s'posed to ever leave ya."

"Good thing it's your day off," you smiled, and he nodded, lifting his head just slightly.

"Thank goodness for that." Billy was kissing your tummy now, his lips parted and leaving little wet patches on your skin. You squealed in delight as his kisses got lower and lower until he was right between your legs.

"Mmph, Billy," you protested lightly, sitting up on your elbows. "Wanna cuddle."

He gave you a chaste little kiss below your belly button. "Lemme take care of ya one time and then we can cuddle Daisy." You mulled it over, them nodded, bending your knees a bit and spreading them a bit so he had better access.

Nipping at your inner thigh, he looked up at you like he always did, checking in. "'Kay?"

You nodded, your hand falling into his hair and tugging lightly. "You're going so slow."

"Can ya blame me for wantin' to take m' time with m' angel?" Billy gave twin kisses to both your thighs. "Last night..."

"Fast," you mused, eyes hazing over dreamily.

He laughed, squeezing your legs and throwing one over his shoulder. "'xactly baby. Fast. Wanna go slow 'n make it good for you, sweet."

"Last night was good for me," you insisted, and he grinned, resting his chin on your tummy.

"'m glad. This mornin's gonna be good for ya too," he nosed a kiss into your belly button, making you giggle.

"Okay, okay," you smiled, leaning back against the pillows and closing your eyes, one arm flung lazily above your head and the other in his hair.

Billy wrapped his arms around your thighs because he knew you'd wiggle around. "Atta girl. Gimme a-"

"Hey little, can ya-" Joe's voice got louder as he approached, opening the door wide. The second he saw the scene, he jumped back, closing his eyes. "The hell?"

Billy flung his body up and over yours to cover it from view, ignoring the fact that his entire behind was on display. "Ever knock Joe?"

Your brother seemed traumatized by what he'd seen, and he, with one hand over his eyes, blindly reached for the door handle, shutting it firmly.

Waiting until his footsteps were heard going down the stairs, Billy sunk his head into your neck and laughed, low and deep. You couldn't help but join in, tilting your head back, your arms over his shoulders. "Poor Joe."

"Ya'd think he'd know to knock by now," Billy said, muffled into your skin. "What is this, the fifth time he's caught us?"

"We've never been completely naked before though," you got out, flinging an arm over your eyes briefly. "I can't believe my brother saw me like this."

"I'm not thrilled 'bout it either," Billy mumbled, lifting his head. "Only I'm s'posed to see ya like this."

"Seeing as it's Joe I don't think it'll happen again, don't you worry," you smiled, tracing a hand over his shoulder. "Maybe this will be the incident to get him to watch where he walks."

Billy laughed lightly, kissing your collarbone. "Always makin' things happier ain'tcha Daisy?"

You sat up with a sheepish smile, and he sat up, pulling you to sit on his thighs, holding you lightly by your own. "I should probably go downstairs so he doesn't think we're doing anything."

"Mm, but we are doing things," Billy mumbled, his eyes roving over your bare body, thumbs stroking your hip bones. He laid down against the mattress, eyes glued to you.

Smiling a bit, you leaned down to kiss him softly, your hair falling over him like a curtain. "I'll just see to the garden for a moment and then we can go right back to this." You sat up again and he grinned, fingers of one hand sliding between the crease where your thigh was pressed against your calf. "You still owe me cuddles."

"We can't just cuddle right now?" Billy wondered, bending his knees, the action making your bottom slide down so you were seated upright on his stomach, back resting against his legs.

"We'll wait until Joe goes into town," you said, now holding his hands in both of yours. "I don't want to make him more uncomfortable."

Billy heaved a dramatic sigh, but he nodded, bringing one of your hands to his mouth to kiss. "Alright sweet. Whatever ya say." You knew that even though he wanted to hold you, his friendship with Joe was too important to him to ignore how he was feeling.

You got off of Billy, redressing in what you'd worn last night. He sat on the edge of the bed, bringing you to sit in his lap so he could lace up your half stay. Kissing your shoulder when he was done, he laid back in bed, pulling the sheet partly over himself as he lazily watched you put your dress on, tying the little bow at the front. "Pretty," he called, smiling when you came over to sit by him again.

Smiling sweetly, you leaned down and kissed his forehead, lingering there for a moment. He grasped your hand in his, unable to stop holding onto you for even a moment when he was able.

There was a knock at the door and you looked back. Joe's voice was muffled through the wood. "Can I come in?"

"We're decent," you called, and Billy chuckled. Joe entered cautiously, stopping at one step through the threshold.

"Can I talk to Billy for a minute?" he asked, looking at you, and you nodded.

"I was just about to go into the garden for a little bit anyways." You stood, squeezing Billy's hand before letting go and leaving. "Don't be too long!"

As you left the room, you could hear both Billy's laugh and Joe saying, "Would ya put some pants on?"

Hand grasped in yours, Billy was leading you through the woods, his expression eager. He was wearing that blue striped shirt you loved so much, and you could hardly take his eyes off him he looked so good.

When he'd come to you today, you could tell he'd taken a bath, maybe even shaved a little although there was a little bit of scruff still left, just the way you liked it. His hair looked soft and fluffy like it always did after he washed it. You longed to run your fingers through it, but waited, knowing you'd likely get the chance once you got wherever you were going.

Billy pushed aside a branch, and you saw a lake, blue and clear with trees lining the edges. There was a little dock on your side, and he confidently pulled you over to it, close to the end. The sky was cloudless, and it was nice and warm. You were glad you'd worn something pretty to match the view. A blue dress- one of your favorites.

Wrapping his arms around your waist, Billy rested his chin on top of your head, taking it all in for a moment. There were no words between you two, just the magnificence of the open space.

"I didn't know there was a lake near here," you finally murmured, the side of your face resting on his chest.

"Found out 'bout it from some 'f the boys who like to fish here," Billy explained, still holding you close. "Thought it might remind ya of when we used to swim back when."

You giggled, remembering. "Joe and you would always throw me in."

"Ya made it real easy," Billy teased, kissing the side of your head.

Shaking your head good-naturedly, you leaned against him, looking out again. "It's so beautiful."

"Is," Billy agreed, pulling back and looking at you, his eyes soft, that look he always seemed to have around you.

Then he separated himself fully, only holding onto your hands and looking over you with a peculiar expression on his face.

"What is it?" you tilted your head, smiling in confusion.

Billy swallowed once, seeming nervous. "Daisy..."

"Billy?" you were a little worried now.

"I've loved ya a long time, Daisy," he said, squeezing your hands. "You're the sweetest, kindest, prettiest girl I'll ever meet. I always wanna protect ya...I always wanna have ya near."

You smiled, touched by his words but still wary of what he was leading up to.

"I know we ain't been together in this way for a while, but I spent so much time pining over ya I feel like it's been forever," he smiled. "You're the best thing in my life. I never wanna let go of ya."

Billy let go of one of your hands, fumbling in his pocket for something. When he found it and pulled it out, your eyes went wide as saucers. A little golden ring.

You gasped and stepped back in surprise, forgetting you were at the edge of the dock. In one moment you were upright. The next you were hitting the water with a splash.

Muffled from underwater, you heard Billy shout something. You heard him jump into the water, and he dragged you up to the surface, his arms around your waist holding you up. Once your head was above water, you gasped for air, coughing a bit.

“You okay, sweetheart? Talk to me!” Billy demanded anxiously, his arms tight around you. His hair was sticking to his forehead in little curls, and his shirt was completely soaked through as he treaded water, holding you both up.

The soaked state of you was the furthest thing from your mind. “You want to marry me?”

Billy stared at you. “Baby ya just fell in- “

“I’m okay,” you interrupted, grasping his arms. “Billy…” you looked into his bright blue eyes, searching them intently. “You want to marry me?”

He gave a little laugh, squeezing his hands at your sides. “Yeah. Yeah, Daisy I wanna marry ya.”

A smile spread over your face and you threw your arms around his neck, sending him toppling back underwater. Your lips found his, kissing him excitedly.

“Mmph!” Billy spluttered, bringing the two of you back up. He laughed against your lips, his hand coming to the back of your head. “Is that a yes, then?”

“Yes!” you squealed, burying your face in his neck. “Yes, yes, yes!”

Billy grabbed your chin and brought his lips to yours, the kiss full of joy and pure love. You hugged him tightly, nudging your nose against his. “I love you.”

He sealed your words with another kiss. “I love ya too, Daisy.”

Billy suddenly lifted his head. “Shit, the ring-“

“Oh!” He must have dropped it when he dove in to get you. You swam up to the dock, and the both of you propped your elbows up on the wood, searching for the little gold ring.

He spotted it, reaching over to grasp it and leaving a trail of water from his arm spattered over the grainy surface. “Aha!” Then, turning his attention to you, he reached for your hand resting on the wood and slid the ring on, the smile not leaving his face the entire time.

You held your hand up, admiring the way it looked on your finger. Your own smile was uncontainable. “It’s beautiful, Billy.”

“Was my mama’s,” he explained, and you looked up at him tenderly. “Carried it with me all these years.”

You looked at him sweetly, throwing your arms back around him and sending the both of you tumbling back in with a splash. He laughed as you kissed him, holding you close and thumbing the side of your cheek.

Billy eventually hauled you out of the water, and the two of you rested on your backs in the sun to dry off. He held your hand, leaning on his side and keeping his eyes on you.

“My love,” he breathed, kissing your nose. “My Daisy.”

The wedding came and went. It was a decidedly joyous affair, and you enjoyed every second of it.

Truthfully it was all a blur- you saw Billy's face at the alter with you, but not much else. He looked the happiest you'd ever seen him in that moment. As if his sole purpose in life had been to marry you and now it was coming to fruition.

The wedding night however, you remembered every minute of.

Joe had decided that after the wedding he'd move out of the house and into the nearby camp the Seven Rivers gang was staying at. You'd balked a bit at that, saying he didn't have to, but he'd insisted.

"I like livin' with the boys," he said, grinning. "'Sides, I don't wanna hafta listen to you 'n Billy goin' at it all times 'f the day."

That'd made you blush, and he'd laughed. "You'll be a married couple, little. 'S fine. We'll see each other all the time 'nd I'll be workin' with Billy. Just the same but we all live with different people."

You'd smiled at that. And to his credit, he'd been right.

It was ecstasy, living that way with Billy on the ranch, all by yourselves. You were bookkeeping just like you had before the fire, and he would do little things around to help out the ranch hands every now and then.

For a long while, everything was just short of perfect. You loved your life more than you ever thought you would. Waking up every morning in Billy's arms, managing the ranch...it was heaven.

Sometimes when you were supposed to be working, you found yourself reminiscing about what you'd done the day before or daydreaming about being with him when he got home. It all felt like something you'd only imagined, not real life.

Billy was slowly moving up higher in the gang ranks, as the man they were working for- Major Murphy- had taken a particular interest in him. You'd only met him a few times, but you knew he was powerful, and he paid Billy well.

Your husband grew a little more uneasy as he got closer to the top, but he didn't complain much. Only on late nights when the two of you were cozied in each other's arms would he confess that he didn't like that the work he was doing had become less and less honest.

Still, because he was loyal to the gang, Billy kept at it. It only endeared him to you more. You were happily, blissfully in love with him, more and more every day.

One day, he came home and immediately put his arms around you, stroking your back and pressing a gentle hand to your lower belly. "How you doin' baby?"

You looked up at him, confused. "I'm alright...is something wrong?"

He pulled back a bit, looking down at you, a little confused. "You're feelin' good?"

Nodding slowly, you searched his eyes. He tilted his head, taking his hat off. "You ain't on your monthly?"

You shook your head.

"Huh." Billy scratched his head, keeping one arm around you. "Thought it was the second week 'f the month."

Thinking back, you realized he was right. Your monthly did usually come on this week. But your bleeding had always been fairly irregular. You didn't pay it much more thought because now he was picking you up and spinning you around and asking about your day.

That was the first strange thing.

The next occurred when you came outside after working with the books for hours, stretching and sighing as you got some fresh air on the porch. You saw Billy out mending a fence, and you leaned against the railing of the porch steps to admire the view.

He spotted you and ran right up, unbuttoning his shirt as he did. It was a hot day, and he was sweating...a lot. It only made your heart beat faster for him.

"Hiya Daisy," he greeted, pulling you in for a nice long kiss. His shirt was half unbuttoned, and you slid your fingers between, feeling his warm, slick skin. "How's m' girl?"

"Good," you murmured happily against his lips, tugging at his shirt.

He grinned through the kisses, his big hands sliding two directions. One went to your cheek, the other to your breast, palming it and telling you exactly what he wanted.

But the sudden sensitivity there had your hand flying up. Billy frowned, pulling back. "Whatsa matter Daisy?"

You were covering his hand over your breast, stiffened. "I'm...just a little sore there...is all."

Billy rubbed his hand slightly over your breast, brow furrowed. "Everythin' alright?"

You nodded slowly, then turned back to him, smiling. "Yeah. Yeah, it's okay." He pressed a little concerned kiss to the corner of your mouth, then continued what he'd been doing before, his hand moving to your waist instead.

That was the second strange thing.

Then, there was a day when you and Billy were out for a ride, laughing and talking as you always did. Usually on those days you'd spend hours on horseback, but after a single hour you felt exhausted.

Of course, Billy noticed, pulling the reins on his horse when he saw you slowing down. "Daisy?"

You nodded tiredly, still trying to keep up. "Mhm?"

He came over to you, his horse facing the opposite direction as yours. "You feelin' alright darlin'?"

"Yeah," you tried to smile, pretend nothing was amiss. You desperately wanted to ride; you hadn't been able to in so long. Not with him being so busy and you in the like. "Yeah I'm fine. C'mon."

Billy gave you a look. "You're tired."

"I'm good," you were trying to convince yourself too. "I wanna keep going."

"Daisy you're gonna wear yourself out," Billy shook his head, reaching for your face and studying you. "Let's go back. You've been so tired lately."

And you realized then: you had. All the way home, you went over the odd symptoms you'd been having. Exhaustion, no bleeding, sore breasts...

It hit you like a lightning strike.

You looked over at Billy, riding contently beside you. He didn't seem suspicious of anything, just concerned that you weren't feeling your best.

Looking back ahead of you, you swallowed. Best go see the doctor to make sure. Before telling anybody.

The next day, after doing so you found yourself in a state of shock.

As you'd ridden home from your visit, you'd barely focused on where you were going, grateful your horse didn't need much guidance to get back.

Hands shaking, eyes wet, breath unsteady.

Before you knew it you were up in your favorite tree on the ranch, frozen stiff and staring into the leaves. It was a place of refuge in a way. All you could hear was the echoed confirmation of the doctor. And all you could think about was how everything would change now. The life you'd gotten used to, the life you had worked so hard to make constant. Just when you were content it was upheaved again.

When you heard Billy's voice calling your name it startled you. You didn't know how long you'd been up here, but you knew it certainly wasn't so long that it was now the time he usually came home.

Eyes wide with surprise, you grabbed hold of the branch beside you, steadying yourself. It wouldn't be long before he found you, and you needed to compose yourself fast.

As expected, his head popped up from the branches and he smiled when he saw you. "Knew ya'd be up here Daisy."

You forced a smile. "You're home so early."

He grinned, climbing up so he could bend over and kiss you. "Missed my wife. Wasn't much to do today so I thought I'd come surprise ya."

Nodding, you moved over on the branch so he could sit, wrapping his arms around you. "How's m' girl? Hm? Ya doin' alright?"

"Yes," you blurted out, and he gave you a funny look.

"Glad to hear it, sweetheart," he said, his hand absentmindedly stroking up and down your arm. "Anythin'...anythin' happen today I should know about?"

"Why, did you hear something?" you looked up at him, eyes wide.

Billy chuckled and tilted his head. "No...just makin' conversation baby." But now he studied you inquisitively. "Ya sure everything's good?"

For a moment you stared at him, your secret weighing in on you. You wanted to tell him, you did. But the shock of it had rendered you useless for any logic. Slowly, you nodded. "Yes."

He chucked you gently under the chin. "Yeah?"

"Yes," your tone was becoming less convincing by the minute.

Bringing his hand underneath your chin and looking you in the eye, Billy gave you a look. "Daisy?"

You shook your head, avoiding his gaze and starting to climb down from the tree. "I'm alright," you called up, jumping to the ground. Billy followed you, scratching the back of his head.

"Sweetheart, did somethin' happen?" Billy asked, following you down the hill into the meadow. "Ya seem..."

"Seem what?" you turned around suddenly, eyes wide.

He stopped in his tracks in front of you. "Is this about everythin' with Murphy? I know it's been tough and I've been workin' long hours, but I promise I-"

"No," you shook your head reassuringly. "No, it's not that."

"Did I do somethin'?" Billy questioned, taking your hand

"It's nothing you did-" you cut yourself off, thinking about it. "Well..."

"How can I fix it?" he asked immediately, his other hand finding yours. He pulled you into him, your stomachs pressed together with a secret between them. "Tell me what to do Daisy."

"It's not...really...a fix...able thing," you said slowly, drawing out the word fixable.

"C'mon baby I-"

"I'm pregnant!" you burst out, your heart pounding.

Billy paused, and you watched the news wash over him. He searched your eyes, as if looking for confirmation. You nodded ever so slightly and he took a tiny step back, looking down at your flat tummy.

After a second, his face broke into a smile, and he settled his hands over your waist, lifting you up and spinning you around, your legs wrapping around his middle to steady yourself. His gun belt pressed into your bottom, and he secured one arm around you as he brought your hand to his mouth, kissing it gently. "My love." Billy wrapped his other arm around your waist and held you to him, peering at you from under this hat. "Are you sure?"

"I went to see the doctor today," you said softly, knocking his brim up so you could look at him properly.

Billy grinned when you moved his hat but faltered when he saw your expression. "Hey. Daisy whatsa matter?"

You just folded your arms around his neck and rested your face there silently. Eyes closed, you tried your hand at hiding, but he'd always been able to see through you.

"Oh, sweetheart," he murmured, hugging you tight to him. "My angel." His words were soft and sweet, knowing you needed him right then. Billy drew your chin up to look at him. "We're gonna go back to the house, yeah? We're gonna have kisses 'n cuddles. Doctor's orders."

"What doctor?" you asked softly.

"Doesn't matter," he pressed his forehead to yours. Then he remedied, "A very good doctor."

You closed your eyes and smiled, leaning against him. "I'm sure."

Billy rocked you back and forth a little bit. "There ya go, sweetheart." You started to try and get down, but he merely shifted you into a bridal carry. As he walked you back to the house, he said, "We're gonna relax cause we both work too hard, 'specially you, and just know-" he kissed your forehead. "Everythin's gonna be okay. No matter what."

When he was saying it this way, you couldn't help but believe him. Billy took you home and had you under the covers in his arms in no time. You were nestled between his legs, your bottom in the cradle of his thighs. His hands were loosely resting on your stomach, absentmindedly stroking up and down. He was pressing a flurry of kisses to wherever he could reach. Your cheek, your neck, your shoulder. With each soft kiss, you felt your body melting against his.

"There ya go, Daisy," he said against your neck. "There's my girl."

Billy brought his arms up to rest on your collarbone, his head leaning against yours. You sighed softly, your mind weary.

"How d'ya wanna go 'bout this?" he asked quietly. "I know this is a big thing. Maybe the biggest thing."

"It's not that I don't want a baby," you whispered, and he nodded. "I love you. I knew this would happen eventually but..." you closed your eyes. "I'm scared. It's just so unexpected."

"It is," he nodded, squeezing you once, his nose squished against your cheek.

"But..." you took in a deep breath. "I love you. And we'll more than make it work. We're having a baby..." your hand fell to your stomach, rubbing it softly.

"We're havin' a baby," he kissed your cheek and covered your hand with his.

His gentle words and reassurance warmed you from the inside out, and you nearly felt like you were glowing. Turning to face him, you pressed your lips softly against his. "You gave me this," you held his hand to your stomach. "This life we've built...I've never been happier. I never thought I would be this happy."

"My Daisy," he murmured, stroking your cheek. "I'd give ya the world if I could." Billy rested his hands on both sides of your face. "And I'd do anything to protect what we have."

"Daisy?"

You perked up when you heard Billy's voice, abandoning your mending and standing when he entered the room. "Billy?"

He came through the door, grabbing you around the waist and dipping you into a kiss. "How's my beautiful wife?" he asked as you giggled.

"I'm good," you smiled, looking up at him adoringly. "I wasn't expecting you until later."

Billy thumbed the side of your face. "We were let off early today." He lifted you, rubbing his hand on your midsection. "How's baby?"

"Good as far as I can tell," you leaned up to kiss him again. "She misses her daddy."

"Ah, I know mama's been missin' daddy too," Billy nosed a kiss into your hair. "Feel like it's been forever since I got to really talk to ya."

"You've been working so hard," you murmured, wrapping your arms around his neck and nudging your nose against his. "Wake up before I do, come back before I'm asleep..."

"I'm sorry sweetheart," he muttered into your hair, rocking the two of you back and forth. "I'm sorry I haven't been around. Murphy's got us workin' long hours." He kissed your forehead. "Keepin' me away from my girl...while you're growin' baby at home..."

"It's okay," you pressed your lips to his cheek. "You work so hard for us. We love you very much for it."

He smiled wearily, catching your lips in a brief kiss. "Daisy you're an angel. Best of wives..." Billy rubbed your tummy, feeling the slight swell of it. "Y'know, the reason we got off early is cause there's a party tonight Murphy wants all of us to go to," he brought his hand to your cheek. "Now, if ya don't wanna go I'll skip it and stay home with you but-"

"I wanna go!" you said excitedly, bouncing on your heels and squeezing his hands. "It's been so long since I've done anything like that and I haven't seen anyone in weeks-!"

"Woah, woah, slow down darlin'," Billy laughed, squeezing you as you jumped into his arms. "Don't get baby all worked up. 'm glad you're excited though sweetheart."

You kissed his cheek excitedly and went upstairs to find a dress to wear, leaving Billy chuckling to himself in the kitchen.

That night on Billy's arm, you were elated and energetic, greeting each of the members of the gang with enthusiasm. You practically tackled Joe when you hugged him, which he found funny. But you couldn't help it- it had been weeks since you'd seen any of the gang between their hard work and your pregnancy.

Though you were excited, you did not fail to notice how on-edge Billy seemed to be. He was slightly stiff, making sure not to let go of you for even a second. When you asked him about it, holding onto his arm lovingly, he merely patted your arm. "Just worryin' Daisy. Nothin' to fret about."

You frowned up at him. "About-"

Suddenly an older gentleman cut in, whispering something to Billy, who kissed your temple and excused himself, stepping to the side. You watched him concernedly, and Joe came up beside you. "Everythin' okay?"

"I don't know," you watched Billy talked to the man. "Joe... what exactly is Billy to Murphy?"

Joe shrugged, following your eyes to your husband. "The old man likes havin' a famous outlaw on his side. Dunno if Billy likes the jobs we get sent on."

"Why not?" you looked up at your brother. Billy had never mentioned anything like that to you before.

He sighed, looking down and then back up at you. "To be honest I ain't that big of a fan of it either. Murphy's havin' issues with several farmers in the area. He's demandin' they get off their land...it's messy stuff little."

Your brow furrowed and you looked back at Billy. "And he...?"

"He translates for us since a lotta' them only speak Spanish," Joe said. "I do some too, but not at all as good as him. It's gettin' bad. Jesse's aboutta get ruthless with 'em, and that ain't Billy's style at all."

The farmers...Mexican farmers...you knew Billy's sense of justice was heightened when it came to the Hispanic people in the area, since they were nearly always treated unfairly. That explained why he was so on edge- it must have been uncomfortable to be in the same room as people who stood for what he was against.

"Why wouldn't he tell me?" you breathed, your eyes not straying from your husband.

"Probably doesn't wanna worry ya," Joe said wearily. "Wants to provide for his girl...'specially since you're in a family way."

This information washed over you and you turned back to him. "Why do you stay? If you don't like it?"

"Murphy pays good money," Joe half smiled. "He's gotta be the only one around who's gonna hire a bunch of outlaws."

You nodded, understanding instantly, but still upset at the prospect of what they were doing. "Those poor farmers..."

"Yeah, it's not lookin' good," Joe said distractedly, looking up. "Hey, Billy's headin' off."

Instantly you looked up, watching him walk over to an open area. Someone shouted something, and people began to gather around him. Confused, you grabbed Joe's hand and pulled him over, pushing through the crowd to the front to see what was going on.

Billy was loading a gun that had been sitting on a table to the left of him. You were about to walk over and ask what he was doing, but Joe put his arm in front of you, shaking his head. "Look." He nodded at the scene in front of Billy, consisting of targets.

Your blood went cold as you put the pieces together. Oh no.

Your husband aimed and began to shoot, hitting every target with exact precision. He finished with the pistol and picked up a rifle, once again leaving no target unchecked. When he was done, the nearby shed was on fire and all the bottles had bullets in them.

All through the demonstration, the people around you made impressed noises, but you stood still in horror. You knew him, and you knew more than anything that he didn't like being put on display. His 'Billy the Kid' persona was the exact opposite of the way he wanted to be viewed. You wondered how he'd even been convinced to do this.

Dropping the rifle back on the table, Billy pushed through the crowd, and you watched him go. Looking back at Joe with wide eyes, you whispered, "What the hell was that?"

His expression was grim. "You asked what Billy is to Murphy, little. That was it."

You squeezed Joe's hand, then went to find Billy, searching the room for him. When he was nowhere to be found, you opened the door to the back porch. There he stood, leaning against the railing and looking at the sky.

Shutting the door on the party, you went to him, standing close. Your words were quiet. "I'm sorry you had to do that."

He shook his head, taking his hat off and looking back at you. "'m sorry you had to see it."

You went to him, taking his face in your hands and shaking your head, immediately knowing what he was thinking. "Billy...Billy look at me."

Meeting his eyes, you could see the dead weight in them, and you shook your head some more, kissing his cheek, then his other one. "You're not what they say you are."

"Seems like I am," he said quietly, and you pressed your forehead to his. "Havin' me put on a fuckin' show..."

"I know," you breathed, kissing his nose. "I know it feels that way. But you're not. You've never been."

"I've killed, Daisy," he whispered, taking your hands in his and removing them from his face. "I ain't a good man...I ain't..."

"Billy," you held one of his hands to your heartbeat, setting your other one on his. Your eyes pleaded with him to snap out of it. He took in deep breaths as he looked at you.

"I don't deserve ya, baby," he said softly, and you squeezed his hand.

"Don't say that," you breathed, squeezing again. "Please Billy..."

He hung his head. "Daisy..."

"C'mon," you tugged on his hand. "C'mon, let's get outta here."

Your husband was quiet the whole way home. It was only once the two of you were up in the bedroom that he said anything.

"I didn't think that was gonna happen," Billy murmured, hanging his head.

You removed his hat, setting it on the dresser, and sat down with him on the bed, taking his hands in yours. When he wouldn't look up at you, you brought your hands to his face, feeling his scratchy stubble underneath your fingers and turning his head.

"You aren't a bad man," you said quietly, moving closer to him, looking him straight in the eyes. "What you've atoned for doesn't define you."

"I've done such horrible things Daisy," he lifted his hands to your wrists. "I don't deserve any of this...not one bit of it..."

"Please don't say that," you whispered, nudging your nose against his. You kissed his forehead softly, smoothing his hair. "My love..."

"I've never deserved ya Daisy," he sniffed, looking down. "You're too good...sweetest girl in the whole world..."

"Oh-" you wrapped your arms around him, bringing him to lie down with you, so the two of you were lying facing each other on the bed. You took one of his hands so it was resting between the two of you, fingers intertwining. "Billy. I love you. And-" you put his hand on your belly, which was swelling slightly with new life. "And baby loves you. We know you're a good man. The best of men."

"Daisy," he rubbed your belly slightly. "You're good...you always were good..."

"And so are you," you insisted, your hand covering his. "Would a bad man be laying here with me? Would a bad man kiss me so soft or love me like you do? A bad man would've up and left the second he found out I was having his child. But you didn't 'cause you're a good man."

Your words washed over Billy, and he just looked at you for a moment. Then he brought your hand to his lips, kissing it for a long time.

Reaching for him, you pulled him into you, and he rested his head right beside your chest, burrowing into it a little. One of his hands remained on your belly, and he rubbed up and down, the motion soothing to the both of you.

You kissed the top of his head again, your hand trailing up and down his back. Quiet for a moment, you considered your words before you said them.

"Joe told me a little about Murphy," you said quietly, and Billy lifted his head.

"What about?" he asked, stroking your belly as he sat up, looking down at you.

"He told me about the farmers," you said, and Billy sighed, shaking his head.

"Don't want ya to worry 'bout that," he muttered, kissing your belly and smoothing his hand over it. "You just needa focus on growin' baby."

"I am worried," you sat up, reaching for him and sniffling. "Billy...I hate that you have to stay with that awful man and do what he wants."

"Shh," Billy squeezed your hand. "Daisy, you're gettin' yourself all worked up. I promise there ain't nothin' to it."

"I know you wanted honest work, Billy," you shook your head, your breathing growing quick. "Joe told me...oh-! I can't stand how hard it must be for you. And with the act he made you put on tonight-"

"Daisy, Daisy," he pushed you to lie down, sliding his arm under you so you'd rest on his shoulder. You clung to one of his suspenders, and he rested his head against yours. "Baby. You'd best not worry 'bout that in any way my love."

"But you're unhappy," you reached to cup his face, your fingers tracing up and down. "You're unhappy...and he's making you think such awful things about yourself..."

"Mustn't fret," Billy kissed your hairline, his body sheltering yours. "Ain't good for baby." He trailed his fingers up and down your midsection. "Won't ya look at me for a second?"

You did, your eyes meeting his bright blue ones. A smile betrayed his serious expression, and he soothed his hand over your tummy. "Oh, ya sweet." Billy kissed your hair. "I made a promise to provide for ya. You 'n baby. If I gotta hit a few targets for rich folk to do that I will."

"It's not just that," you said softly, reaching for his hand and playing with the fingers, sliding his wedding ring up and down. "It's the farmers. The work. You were so excited to be doing something legal, but now it's...it's..."

Billy shook his head. "Baby..." he picked up your hand, bringing it to the handkerchief around his neck, knowing holding it always calmed you. When you were clinging to it, he took your face in his hands. "I would do anything to keep you 'n baby safe. You're my family. I have ya, and I'll fight for ya, and keep ya safe 'n comfortable for all my days." He kissed your nose lightly. "You...and our child. That's all that matters to me."

You wanted to protest, but seeing the look on his face, you kept quiet. He was noble and true, doing a job he hated so he could protect you. It irked you, but you didn't say a thing, nestling into his arms for the rest of the night

All the good in the world. You wanted Billy to have all the good in the world.

You did your best to give it to him in your own way since you knew he loved you so. The both of you felt it separately, you knew, that after all the time you'd spent wanting for each other there was a lot of making up to do. Even unconsciously the both of you clung to each other when you were together. It was a natural response- you needed each other so.

Mind, body, and soul, you'd given yourself to him, even before you were officially together. From the first time sleeping together on, you were bound to him even if you had pretended not to be to try and save your tender heart.

Now that you wore his ring on your finger and had his baby in your belly, you were determined more than ever to bring happiness to him just as he did you.

All of this was the reason you met with Joe in town one day, in addition to whisperings on the horizon you'd heard, and a business card found in Billy's shirt pocket when you were washing it.

Holding up the card, you leaned over the table toward your brother. "Tunstall?"

Frowning, Joe reached out for it. "Where did you-?"

You held the card away, raising an eyebrow. "You do know. Who's he?"

He leaned back in his seat. "Ya shouldn't be meddlin' little. Billy-"

"He's my husband," you insisted, looking at him with determined eyes. "And you're my brother. If working for Murphy is taking a toll on you it's my business."

Joe sat on the edge of his chair, elbows on the table as he looked at you under the brim of his hat. "I know you're tryin' to be sweet. Ya always have been, I know it's your way. But if Billy's decided not to tell ya about it I can't go tellin' ya."

You shook your head, staring at Joe firmly. "You're my brother."

"He's your husband."

"I'm your sister."

"He's my best friend."

"I'm his wife."

"You're his wife," Joe rested his palm on the wooden surface of the table. "And you're my sister. Can't go tellin' ya things like this. If I send you into a frenzy Billy'll tan my hide no matter how good of friends we are."

"If you care for him at all, you'll tell me," you pleaded, sitting up straight. "I only want to help. I want to support him and you both. You're miserable under Murphy with all the horrible work he makes you do."

"I toldja 'bout that, little," Joe protested. "Ain't nobody gonna hire outlaws-"

"Then who's Tunstall?" you asked, meeting his eyes.

Joe looked like he'd been backed into a corner. He pursed his lips, exhaling through his nose and seeming to give up. "Tunstall's a rival businessman. From what Billy an' I can tell, he's tryna make things right with a lotta farmers 'round here. But that also means Murphy ain't a fan of him."

"And he wants you to join him?" you questioned, leaning in interestedly.

"Badly," Joe nodded, slinging his arm over the back of his chair. "He's gunnin' for Billy cause of his reputation and any of the gang he can get to come with him. But..."

You furrowed your brow. "What?"

Joe scratched his neck. "Little...if we join him, it could cause a full-on riot. Some say war. Murphy don't take kindly to people leavin' him. His people in the Circle could make things bad."

"Murphy's part of the Circle?" your eyes were wide.

"Goddamn, he ain't told you a thing," Joe took off his hat, tossing it on the table. "Yeah, Murphy 'n his crew are Circle. Don't wanna go 'gainst that. 'Sides, I know Billy doesn't wanna leave Jesse after all they've been through, and I feel the same way."

"Jesse wouldn't go with you?" you tried to put the pieces together.

"No," Joe shook his head. "He likes bein' cutthroat too much. And he likes the money. Tunstall's offerin' more but the work is on the opposite side. That ain't somethin' Jesse's gonna go for."

All this information sunk in, and you slumped back in your chair. Joe pursed his lips, nodding. "Now ya see?" he sighed. "I know Billy likes the idea of honest work for good people and I do too. But the consequences might be too much."

"No," you shook your head. "I don't understand. From what it sounds like Murphy 'n Tunstall are on the verge of a war anyways. And if money isn't the issue..."

"Little..." Joe ran a hand over his face. He gritted his teeth, then looked up at you. "I really ain't supposed to tell ya this. But if it'll get ya to see our side I will." He reached across the table and took your hand. "All you said's well and good. But...for Billy and honestly for me too, it's you that's holdin' us back."

There was silence between you for a moment. Your lips parted slightly, and you tried to fathom it. "Me?"

"You," Joe nodded, squeezing your fingers. "Look." He held your hand with both of his now. "I know if I had a sweetheart who was havin' my baby, I'd do anything to keep 'em both safe."

Your face fell as you realized he was right. Joe watched you come to this conclusion; his lips pressed together. "With a war it wouldn't be safe for ya. 'Specially cause you're Billy's girl. He's a famous outlaw, little. It'd be careless of him to just jump into this and put a target on your back."

Shaking your head, you looked down, trying to process. He wanted to protect you. But now knowing about the rivalry, the outright war brewing, you realized this was bigger than Billy and Joe feeling good about the work they did. This was justice. It was wrongful law. Your heart soared at the thought of Billy going against his instincts to keep you safe.

But it wasn't right. Not in your mind.

Meeting Joe's eyes again, you squeezed his hand. "I was foolish and innocent before to think what I did. But now I still think the same for different reasons."

Joe tilted his head. "What can ya mean?"

You took in a breath. "If what you say is true, this is a good cause, the best really. This is good and bad. Those people, the ones Tunstall's standing for, they need you." You squeezed his hand again. "They need you and Billy to fight for them."

Your brother's eyes grew soft as he looked at you. "Little-"

"It would be selfish of me to keep two able, right minded men from advocating for something so worthy," you said softly.

Joe looked at you for a second, noting the sincerity in your eyes. You could see the battle he was fighting in his mind.

He stood up, picked up his hat, and came around the table, kissing you on the head. Looking down at you, he said, "I'll do whatever Billy does."

And with that, he walked out the door.

It was late when Billy arrived home.

When he did, he found you in the kitchen in your nightdress, your hands folded on the table, Tunstall's card in front of you, a single candle lit.

"Daisy," he greeted, looking at you suspiciously.

"Sit," you nodded at the chair in front of you. He obediently did.

Immediately his eyes caught on the card, recognizing it. He lifted his eyes to you, and you could see the panic behind them, though it didn't move past there. "You saw Joe."

"I did," you confirmed quietly, sitting up straight.

Billy just looked at you for a moment. "Darlin', I didn't wantcha to know about any of this. I oughta give your brother a piece 'f my mind for even tellin' ya-"

"Don't blame Joe," you shook your head. "It took a lot for me to get it out of him." With only a little difficulty due to your belly, you picked up his hand. "He told me everything-"

"So ya know why I can't do it," he cut you off, squeezing your fingers. "I ain't aboutta put my wife 'n child in danger. I've fought too hard to get us here to do somethin' so stupid."

"I understand," you said softly, "But I haven't changed my mind."

Billy let out a frustrated breath, looking down. Then he got out of his chair, getting on his knees in front of you and gripping your hands around your belly. He kissed them briefly, mumbling, "Daisy. I am not going to put ya in harms way. Not you and not baby."

"At least hear me out?" you asked, looking him in the eye.

He'd never deny you anything. Sighing softly, he nodded.

You kissed one of his hands. "Thank you." Gathering your thoughts and your courage, you began. "I know you're worried about me. And I love you more than anything in the world for it. But-" you clasped his hands, bringing them to your breast. "This...this is everything you've ever stood for. I know how much it means to you for things to be right, especially when it comes to immigrants." His eyes softened, losing some of their panic as he listened to you. You'd never in your life felt like Billy wasn't hearing what you said and now was no exception.

"You are good. And you want things to be right. You fight and you protect," you squeezed his hands, keeping them where they were. Your hair fell over your shoulder as you leaned in closer to him. "My love, my Billy...they need you. And who would I be to keep you from them?"

"My darlin'," he shook his head, gripping your fingers for dear life. "I ain't riskin' ya for nothin'."

You bowed your head, closing your eyes. "You have something to fight for. That means you'll be the best of them."

Billy heaved a deep, choked breath, and he buried his face in your lap, right against your belly. He brought your hands close to him again, his elbow propped on your knee, squeezing one tight. When he finally lifted his head, he stood, pulling you up too. When you were steady he framed your face with his hands and kissed you soundly, softly, slowly.

You met his lips with equal fervor, the love he poured into the kiss electrifying you. When he pulled back, he pushed your hair behind your ear, smoothing his hand over the back of your head and holding you there. "My angel," he breathed, eyes sincere, his other hand mirroring the first. "My Daisy...you're too good for this world."

Sliding your arms around him, you kissed him again desperately, and he lifted you into his arms, in a bridal carry as he walked up the stairs to your bedroom.

A million kisses and touches and whispered affirmations later, you were back where you'd missed him, back where you knew everything would be okay. His arms were the safest place in the world.

Billy's hand found its spot on your belly, tracing circles around your bare skin. He kissed your head. "How's baby?"

"She's good," you murmured absentmindedly.

He pressed a sleepy series of kisses to the side of your face. "She?"

You smiled in a quiet way. "She."

"Ya think baby's a girl?" his nose squished against your cheek as he asked, his lips against your skin.

"I know," your hand came around to play with his hair.

"I see," he tucked his face into the crook of your neck, kissing you there now. "Ya know we gotta give her a flower's name then? Like her mama?"

The thought made you smile wider. "We've got lots of flowers to choose from."

"Rosie," Billy muttered, leaning down to kiss your belly. "Rose."

He looked at your belly with such wonder, such awe. Billy propped his chin up on it, still being gentle though, kissing it again. You stroked his hair, the image of a baby with pink cheeks and your husband's bright blue eyes dancing in front of your eyes. "Rosie."

Billy moved up close to you again, leaning down to press a soft little kiss to your lips again. He nudged his nose against yours, closing his eyes briefly. "Gonna be pretty as a peach just like her mama."

You smiled, closing your own eyes and trying to imagine her in detail. "She's gonna have her daddy wrapped around her finger."

"Same as mama," Billy kissed your jaw. "Gonna spoil her beyond belief."

"Me or Rosie?" you asked, opening your eyes to find he was looking right back at you.

"Both," he promised. His lips trailed sleepily all over your face. Pulling back for a moment, he looked down at your belly again. "She's stealin' daddy's heart without even bein' born yet."

You settled into his side when he came back up to you, resting your head on his chest. His hand trailed up and down your arm lazily. "She stole my heart same way you did."

Looking up at him, you smiled happily. "I love you Billy. Billy Antrim." Then you mock gasped. "Oh- William H. Bonney. My mistake."

He poked your shoulder, grinning good-naturedly. "Slip 'f the tongue, eh?"

"Never did tell me what the H was for," you giggled, hiding your face in his side.

"Darlin'-" he chuckled. "Gotta let go of that damn H."

"I never will," you laughed, shifting against him comfortably.

Billy stroked your hair fondly, soothing you to sleep. "I know Daisy. I know."

Tunstall turned out to be a better man than you'd thought, and you were glad for it. The Englishman welcomed Billy and Joe with open arms, listening to their feedback and paying them generously.

Billy was happier. You could see it. He came home before dark most days, sweeping you into his arms and holding you tight. He always pressed warm kisses to your face. "How're m' girls?"

As the weeks passed, your belly grew, and so did Billy's doting. He spent every night curled up with you in bed, just enjoying your presence, enjoying watching the baby grow.

"Everything okay?" he asked one night, noting your brief look of discomfort.

"Rosie's been kicking me all day," you winced slightly as she did it again.

"Ah, she's restless, eh?" Billy brought his hand down to your tummy, rubbing it soothingly. You let out a little noise of satisfaction as his big hand's feeling relaxed you. "Want me to talk to 'er?"

You nodded, settling back and closing your eyes. Billy's voice, as you'd discovered, had a soothing effect over Rosie. He was proud of the fact, and you let him have that, full of joy over it.

"Rosie girl," Billy murmured, his head right by your belly, hand resting on top of it still. "Ya wanna settle down in there so mama can get some sleep?

Rosie gave a little kick seemingly in response and you smiled, lifting your head to look at him one of your arms falling above you. "She's sassy."

"Just like mama," he grinned. "Think she's enjoying the attention. She likes hearing daddy's voice."

"She's not kicking anymore," you sighed, closing your eyes for some blissful, much needed rest.

Although things were well at home, you knew on the front, it was getting tenser by the day. As expected, Billy and Joe's resignment from Murphy's side caused a world of conflict. The way Jesse took the news hit them hard in particular. It was hard to watch men who'd been like brothers split suddenly, and you knew Joe and Billy had been that to him. You wouldn't let your worries show, for you knew Billy was stressed enough as was.

Instead of voicing your concerns, you did your part, keeping house and loving on him all you could when he got home every day. "My angel," he whispered into your hair nightly like a mantra. "Don't know what I'd do withoucha."

For a time all was well. For a time you were content with your growing baby and your home, your adoring husband.

But that was all before Tunstall was killed.

Billy wasn't home until early hours of the morning, collapsing into bed and waking you instantly. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and reached for his hand. "Billy...Billy are you alright?"

He didn't respond at first, and you sat up more, looking down at him. "Billy..."

"Tunstall's dead," he said plainly, somberly, his voice muffled because he was buried into your side.

You pushed his face so you could see him. His eyes told you everything you needed to know.

"Oh my goodness," you breathed, reaching out and hugging him to you. He held on extra tight that night as your mind raced, wondering what this would mean for him. For Joe. For the war.

Billy craved justice. He fought for fairness and liberty. It’d been clear for all the years you'd known him, and you stood with him when he protested against what wasn't right.

The Regulators sought to avenge the death of the Englishman, and you bit your tongue, understanding their logic. Instead of fighting pointlessly with them you opened your home, since the camp they'd kept was no longer safe for them to stay at.

In a funny way it was just like old times, living with a gang. Your little corner of land was well hidden, and you were grateful for it, happy to do your part for their cause.

As in all times of war, some things couldn't be stopped, and in your case, it was Rosie. With all the hard work of keeping a house as busy as this one in addition to the stress of everything around you, you weren't doing as well as you should've been.

Though Rosie was active, a sign of good health you'd been told, you were losing resolve. Your weight was dropping at an alarming rate, and you became weaker. Billy was in a full state of protection, enlisting Charlie's wife Manuela to help you, even insisting you don't do any work, but you refused. You wanted so badly to help. Your husband was risking his life and this was the least you could do.

Late one night you were drying glasses, stacking them in the cabinet in front of you. Your movements were slow, your hands shaky.

Billy came up beside you, putting his hand on your back. Through the window you could see snow on the ground, and you were shivering, only a thin shawl wrapped around your arms.

He rubbed your back lightly. "Why don'tcha let me take care 'f those. You go up and rest, honey."

"No," you shook your head, stacking another glass in the cabinet and picking up another. "I can do it."

"Daisy-" he tried, reaching for the glass, but before he could get it, your hand gave a violent tremor, and it slipped from your hand. There was a magnificent shatter at your feet and you jumped, frightened from the sound.

Manuela appeared in the doorway, her eyes wide. "¿Margarita?"

Billy grasped you in his arms, looking up at her. "Lo siento."

She shook her head, reaching for a broom leaning against the wall and squeezing your arm as she walked past.

Without a word, Billy scooped you up into his arms and carried you up the stairs. He stripped your clothes off once both of you were behind the door of your bedroom, telling you to hold your arms up so he could put your nightdress on you.

He made you lay down, and he pulled the covers up, holding your hand tightly. Sitting on the side of the bed by your legs, he hushed you when you tried to protest, simply shaking his head.

The motion silenced you. There was no way to deny how bad it was getting anymore.

From that day on, your work was extremely minimal. Manuela took over most everything, all while caring for her newborn, which you hated the idea of. But Billy wouldn't allow it. He enlisted the men to help as well, ensuring the two of you weren't doing anything too heavy.

Some of the color came back to your face, but not much. It was horrible timing on your part, you thought. Murphy's crew was closing in. Nobody knew how much longer everyone had before they found the house and all in it.

One day one of the men came back with news. Through your window you saw him ride in and run up to the house. There was a world of commotion downstairs, and you sat up fully, trying to hear what was going on.

Footsteps sounded up the stairs, and you looked over to the doorway as Billy came in, a pile of wooden slats in his arms. You moved forward, poised to get out of bed but he shook his head. "Keep restin', baby."

"What's going on?" you asked, reluctantly leaning back against the pillows again.

"They found out where we are," Billy deposited the boards on the floor, fishing nails out of his pockets. "We don't know what they're gonna do to try 'n make us come out, so we're just gonna barricade everything."

"Right," you watched him start to hammer boards over your window, holding nails between his teeth. "Can I help at all?"

Billy made a noise of protest, spitting a nail into his hand and hammering it into the board. "You can help by restin'. It'll ease my mind."

You bit your lip and nodded, rubbing your belly as a soothing motion. "Am I the only woman left?"

"No," he stood up, tucking the hammer into his gun belt and coming to sit by you, clasping your hand. "Manuela and the baby left yesterday but there're two other wives here. Been helpin' us out." Billy looked mad at himself for a moment. "I shoulda had ya go with Manuela, don't know what I was thinkin'."

"It's okay," you squeezed his hand, giving him a reassuring smile.

Billy shook his head, looking down. "I shoulda known they'd find us eventually. Shoulda gotten ya to a safe spot." He kissed your fingers. "I'm sorry Daisy."

"Don't worry about me," you reached your arms out for him, and he obliged, hugging you tightly. "I'm perfectly fine."

"A standoff ain't no place for a pregnant gal," Billy muttered into you.

"I'll be safe up here," you promised, and he pulled back, holding you by the arms.

"You will," he said determinedly. "Ain't nobody gonna touch ya. I'll protect you." Billy kissed your forehead and got up. "Let me know if ya need anything, 'kay? Joe's here too, so just holler."

"I will," you gave his hand a final squeeze before he went back downstairs.

The opposing gang found the house quick. You could hear them shouting things, and men inside the house yelling back. As much as you wanted to go downstairs and see what was going on, you were determined to listen to Billy.

Rosie was kicking, so you tried walking back and forth, hoping the movement would soothe her. Over and over you prayed, hoping against hope that somehow Murphy's gang would leave and everyone would be safe.

It was hours before anyone came up to you and this time it was Joe, holding a glass of water and his gun. He set the water on the table. "What're ya doin' out of bed? Didn't Billy tell ya to rest?"

"I've been resting for a full week Joe," you paced back and forth, trying to breathe deep. "I don't think I'll ever have to sleep again."

"Still," Joe sat on the bed, removing his hat. "Little...ya gotta settle. Ain't good for your own little one."

"I'm fine." you stopped, trying to look through the boards on the window. "What's going on down there?"

"A lot of the gang left but some are still keepin' watch," Joe said, sitting on his hands.

"They left?" you turned to look at him. "That's not good."

"No," he agreed, standing and trying to see through the window with you. "We don't know if they're takin' shifts or if they've got somethin' worse up their sleeves."

"I'd bet on the latter," you looked at your brother. "Joe...what do you think's gonna happen?"

He looked at you, opening his mouth to respond, when suddenly he noticed something through the window. "Shit." he turned to you and squeezed your shoulders. "You stay here. Do not come downstairs unless me or Billy says."

Joe ran out the door, and you looked back through the slats. There were men on horses approaching. They were all holding something in their hands...you couldn't tell what it was, but it couldn't be good.

You watched anxiously, but as they got closer you couldn't make out what they were doing, and so you sat back on the bed, clenching your fists and trying to stay calm. Nothing good would come of your panic. You needed to stay calm for Rosie.

Then you smelled the smoke.

Suddenly you were taken back to the day you'd ridden home to your childhood home burning to the ground by cattle rustlers. Clenching the sheets, you reassured yourself blindly. Maybe they were just starting a fire. It was sunset after all, and it was winter. Surely, they were getting cold.

You kept your thoughts serene with wishful thinking, taking deep breaths. There was a world of unrest downstairs, but you ignored it. Please let Billy and Joe be safe. Please let Billy and Joe be safe.

It was nightfall now, and you were rooted to your spot, pleading for the door to open to reveal your brother or your husband telling you it was all over. You were terrified for them, more than yourself.

There was a crackling sound, and when you opened your eyes, you were startled by the sight of flames licking at the lower walls. The sight was one you couldn't tear your horrified eyes from, and you were frozen by it until the door slammed open.

"Little...little ya gotta come with me," Joe said in a panic, coming over and helping you stand.

A pit settled in your stomach that had nothing to do with the baby, and you asked in scared tones, "What's happening?"

"Bastards set fire to the house," Joe got you to the stairs, then lifted you into his arms, carrying you down carefully. "We'd kept it to just the bottom but there ain't enough water anymore. Cover your mouth."

You brought your arm to your face as Joe descended to the bottom level. Instantly smoke overwhelmed you, and you coughed into your arm, closing your eyes. The thick, cloudy substance was burning tears into them.

Joe shouted, "I got her!" and you saw one of the silhouettes move from the wall and hurry over.

Billy took your face in his hands instantly, looking over you for any sign of injury. He was still holding a gun in one hand, and the metal pressed up against your skin, warm from the fire. "Daisy...Daisy you alright? Baby alright?"

You nodded, still coughing on the smoke. He sighed in relief, his lips catching yours for half a second. "We're gonna get ya outta here. Promise, sweetheart. You're gonna be okay."

He nodded at the back half of the house, and Joe carried you over quickly. There was less fire over there, and you breathed a little easier. Billy looked around at his men. "You know the drill. We're gonna go in groups. Two of ya go first, 'n keep shootin' to keep their heads down." He looked at Joe and you. "You go after the second group. They'll be firin' instantly if we send ya first so we'll wait just a moment. Yell at 'em that you've got a woman with ya so they won't shoot."

Everyone nodded, their eyes trained on Billy. You couldn't help but admire his leadership in that moment. He was fearless, strong in the face of the danger you were smack in the middle of. You could see the trust on the men's faces around you and it filled you with awe. They were facing nearly certain death and yet.

"First group go!" Billy shouted over the fire, and two men you didn't recognize barreled through the back entrance, guns blazing. You couldn't see what became of them.

The second group went to similar results, and then Billy turned to you and Joe. He kissed you on the forehead, trailing a thumb down your cheek and touching your belly for just a moment. "You're gonna be okay, Daisy. Everythin's okay."

"Please be safe," you pleaded, your voice raspy from the smoke.

"I'm gonna come back to ya," Billy swore, kissing you quickly. He grasped Joe by the shoulder. "Charlie's place. You know the way."

Joe nodded. "You got it boss." Clapping him on the shoulder, Billy nodded at the door.

"Go!"

It was like slow motion. Joe moved quickly, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, keeping your head down. He shouted that he had a woman, and someone yelled something back. You relaxed slightly when the gunfire ceased, lifting your head. Joe held you close to his chest protectively, and he looked down at you when he'd nearly reached the end. "I've gotcha little. I've-"

The crack of a gunshot, the most sickening sound you'd ever heard.

You realized before he did, and your mouth opened in a silent scream as his body jolted, his face rigid. Joe tried to take another step, but his legs gave out and he collapsed, simultaneously dropping and falling on top of you.

All your senses blurred as you crashed to the ground, and your eyes stung with tears as you struggled to get up, pushing Joe off you and shaking him. "Joe...Joe get up...please get up, please-"

His eyes were glassy, staring at some invisible thing in the sky, his limbs stiffened. Another scream, this time real, tore itself from your throat as tears fell in rivers. You shook your head, sucking in cold night air as you tried in vain to wake your brother up. "Joe-"

A pair of arms pulled at you from behind, and you struggled, refusing to leave. him. "No...no he's gonna wake up...he just needs a minute...he's gonna-"

Whoever the arms belonged to was pulling you away, and you cried hysterically, not once looking away from your brother's broken body, his gun falling half out of his holster. "Joe...Joe..."

"Shh!" your rescuer whispered harshly, and you turned to look at him, your horrified expression melting into a confused one.

Jesse stood you on your two feet away from the rest of his gang, shoving something cold and metal into your hands. "Here. Ya still know how to shoot?" he asked in a harsh whisper.

You nodded, still numb from the pain and shock. He held you by the shoulders. "Good. Now-" he looked at the nearby woods. "You run. Far away from here. Go wherever Joe was gonna take ya."

At the mention of Joe you teared up again, but Jesse shook you slightly, snapping you out of it. "Hey. You can cry over him later. For now, focus on gettin' outta here. Go." When you hesitated, he pushed you toward the trees. "Go!"

Too scared to do anything else, you obeyed. The winter air hardly had an effect on you as you ran through the woods, the gun Jesse had given you grasped tightly in your hand. You hardly had time to process his act of kindness with everything that had happened.

The only thing you could think of was Joe. The look on his face, the fact that someone had the gall to shoot-

Anger became adrenaline, and you ran for a long time before you stopped, exhaustion and your pregnant state forcing you to rest. You breathed sharply, leaning against a tree for a moment.

A branch snapped, and you held up the gun, looking around fearfully. Had one of Jesse's crew seen you and come after you? Your breaths were fearfully quick, and you turned around, jumping back when you saw a man standing there, his hands held up in a show of peace.

"Easy, easy," he said, nodding at you. "Not gonna hurtcha."

You recognized him as one of the Regulators, and you lowered the gun, feeling like you'd crumble into the earth. He must've seen this because he stepped closer, steadying you. "Here...ya shouldn't be walkin' like this. C'mon." He lifted you off your feet, minding your belly, and started to walk.

Everything was a blur after that. You were limp in the man's arms, and when you came to, Manuela was standing above you, putting a blanket over your body. "Margarita," she murmured, putting her hand on your forehead.

You lifted your head to greet her, but a sudden sharp pain shot through your core before you could. Gasping in pain, you held your hand to your belly tightly as if that could stop it. "What was that?" you choked.

Manuela pushed you to lie back down. "You started having pains on the way here. Don't you r-" she cut herself off, seeming to realize something. "Your baby's coming."

"Baby's-agh!" another pain cut you off and tears sprung to your eyes. "How long have I been here?"

"Maybe two hours," Manuela said, mopping your forehead with a cool rag. "Have you been having any other pains? Maybe earlier today?"

You nodded, gritting your teeth as another contraction passed through. "I thought...someone told me it was normal to have them...in the last couple months...I didn't tell anyone..."

She nodded. "Labor can sneak up on you." Taking the rag off your forehead, she smoothed your hair comfortingly. "It'll be okay. You're probably more than halfway through it already."

You hissed when another pain slid in and out of your system. "Billy...I want Billy, where is he?"

Manuela paused for a moment, adjusting the blanket over you. Then she met your eyes grimly. "He's not back yet."

Squeezing your eyes shut, you nodded, biting your cheek so you wouldn't cry. She noticed, soothing a hand over your cheek. "There, sweet girl. You're going to be okay. He'll be back soon enough.”

You reached up for her hand and squeezed it, having no choice but hope. "He will. He has to."

The pain stretched on for what felt like hours. Manuela was your companion through it all, whispering things to calm you and letting you squeeze her hand. She knew a few things about giving birth, she said, because her mother had been a midwife, and given she'd done it herself fairly recently.

Pain bled into more pain quicker and quicker, and Manuela sat beside you on the bed, propping pillows up behind you for support. She set your legs apart, squeezing your hand and telling you to push when it felt like you had to.

Grueling and long, the process weakened you. You tried to focus on getting Rosie out, but the events of the night wouldn't leave. Joe's death and your home burning down and running through the woods...it was all charred into the forefront of your mind, and the result was a lengthened, difficult birth.

Manuela looked up, and you tried to follow her eyes, but you were too weary. She stood, going to someone in the doorway and speaking in hushed tones. You heard boots clomping over to your side, and then a big, warm palm was caressing the side of your face. Opening your eyes, you smiled tiredly.

"Angel baby," Billy breathed, kneeling beside you and clasping your fingers together. "You're bein' so brave. 'M brave girl." He kissed your sweaty forehead.

"You're here," you whispered, and he nodded, slipping an arm under you and lifting you slightly, causing you to whimper. "Shh, shh," he soothed. "This'll help. I'd never do anything to hurt ya."

“Joe…” you sniffled, hoping he’d tell you what you saw was just your imagination.

Billy’s face broke for a second, and he bowed his head. “Don’t think ‘bout that. Rosie. Ya gotta think of Rosie.” He seemed to be convincing himself too.

He kissed your hair and lifted you all the way to sit up, then moved the pillows and settled behind you, his legs on either side of your body. Billy smelled like sweat and smoke, but you didn't care. He was here and everything could be okay now.

Once he moved you, labor went quicker. You could feel your body working for you, pushing the baby out of its own accord. Silently, you thanked the deities for natural instincts. Billy held your hand in his, letting you squeeze tight as you could. His presence was a comfort to you, and it made you forget everything else. All that mattered was Rosie.

She slid into the world as the sun was coming up, and you fell limply against Billy. It was over. Everything in the darkness had been sharp and painful. With the rising sun, you gained a little more hope, and you looked up weakly, trying to see your baby in Manuela's arms. She'd wrapped her in a blanket, confirming it was a girl.

Rosie wasn't crying, which you found odd, but you were too happy for labor to be over to worry. Manuela had a strange look on her face as she looked down at your baby, and you frowned, trying to sit up more. "Can I see her? Can I see Rosie?"

Her face was somber as she looked up at you and Billy, and without a word she walked slowly over, lowering the little bundle for you to see. Your heart nearly stopped.

Rosie was moving, but feebly. Your baby was ailing, even though her life had just begun.

"It was a very stressful birth," Manuela said, her voice hushed and sad. "She wouldn't have been long for this world...even with everything..."

There it was again. That numbness that encapsulated your being, the feeling you weren't sure was temporary. It crawled through your mind, digging up a whole world of sorrow you hadn't known you were capable of.

Billy took the baby, holding her in one arm carefully. His grieved face was hard to look at. Your baby girl stirred, letting out a tiny cry. He kept you pressed against his chest, holding Rosie and rocking her gently. "Shh, sweetheart. It's okay. Daddy's here. I'm here."

For the millionth time you felt tears welling up and you hated yourself for it. You were so tired of crying.

Rosie grabbed at Billy's shirt with her tiny fist. He gently slipped a finger between her little ones, letting her grasp it. When he saw how tight she was squeezing it, he smiled through his own tears. "Lookit how strong you are. Holdin' on tight to Daddy's finger."

The scene was too much, and you hid your face in his shoulder, sniffling and letting tears rain. It all hurt, but since it wasn't the first hurt of your waking hours, it just pounded at your chest like a dull ache.

You forced yourself to look back at Rosie, reaching a hand out to touch her face, your hand cupping her little head. She was beautiful.

"Hi Rosie," you said softly, tears still raining. "Oh sweetheart...mama loves you so much. My love...my girl…”

Billy was silent, and you could see your baby growing weaker by the second. You slid your arm under Rosie, and he handed her over, letting you hold her as she slipped quietly from the world.

Grief is not a big, monstrous thing that pounds at your doors and shatters your windows.

It is smoother than that. Grief holds your hand and acts as a friend, tells you things you've been wanting to hear your whole life. You begin to trust it, and then there is no need to smash any windows or break any doors. You've let it in with no fuss to it. And it makes itself comfortable.

It was a friend you'd welcomed over and over in your more recent years, over your father's death, over the loss of your childhood. But you hadn't known the layers to it before. Rosie and Joe went within less then a day of each other. So you had a hard time untangling tears from each other.

Billy was hit hard with it. He'd known it before too. That was the thing. You had both thought the feeling was familiar. You thought it had been mastered and that it was over and gone. It hit when you were least expecting it.

You felt like a ghost in the weeks following the deaths of your brother and daughter. Nothing felt real anymore.

Nothing except his arms around you. That was the only place you felt anything. And he let you feel.

Time ticked whether you got better or not. Billy's protective instincts didn't dull one bit as he watched for Jesse's crew, gun always loaded, eye on the horizon.

He and Charlie spoke of heading to another location for just a little bit, until Murphy had scoped out the space you were currently residing. Then he'd come back, he promised you. He'd come back and you'd figure something out together.

You grasped his hand as he sat atop his horse, looking down at you. "Be safe."

Billy leaned down and caught your lips in a long kiss, more comforting than anything. He squeezed your hand. "You're strong Daisy. That's my girl." He gave you a smile that looked like it held all the weight in the world. "I'll come back to ya. Never forget it. I'll always come back to ya."

You pulled him down for another kiss, lingering a little before saying, "I'll hold you to it."

"Please," he let go of your hand with a final squeeze, tipping his hat to you like the gentleman he was. "I love ya Daisy. I'll be back."

His words seemed to echo as he rode off, Charlie's horse in step beside him. You leaned your head on Manuela's shoulder as you watched your husbands go.

It was a week before you heard the news.

Billy grinned as you pulled the blankets up, putting his hands under your arms and lifting you up, setting you on his lap. "Ain't no gettin' away."

There were cracks in windows of this house. You'd never noticed that before.

"You're gonna make me stay?" you asked playfully, leaning down on his chest and kissing his collarbone once. The morning sunshine made him nearly unreal; he was so pretty.

A deputy came by to tell you officially. He didn't seem proud, even though this was all his comrades had worked toward for the past who-knows-how-long.

"Daisy," Billy teased. "I'm gonna hold ya all mornin' and then some."

This had been at the root of your every fear since you'd met him. But you had never thought it'd come true. He was yours. Yours to hold and keep and need.

"Maybe I'll stay a little while," you smiled, rolling off his chest and lying on your side to face him. "Since I happen to love you so much."

Shot by Pat Garrett. Once a friend.

"That's my girl," Billy smiled, pulling you in close. "Angel baby."

You were told he hadn't even had time to pull out his gun. A hard thing to believe, since he was the fastest draw in the west. But then Charlie stumbled through the door with the same story, and it was hard to get past that.

There was a time in your life, when he'd been gone from your life for a long time, when you hadn't been sure Billy had even been real. Had you made him up? Was he something you could just tuck back into a memory box?

You didn't have the luxury of thinking so this time.

"I'll always come back to you."

You never knew quiet before.

In this little house, though, it took shape and settled next to you like a fond cat. It was welcomed. You craved it, holding it to your body and willing it to bring you the peace of forgetting.

The day after you'd been informed of Billy's fate, you had ridden into town and drawn all the money you had out of the bank. Even though he was an outlaw, you weren't, and you were able to access that, and Joe's account too. Ignoring the pain of being told you were your brother's next of kin, you'd gathered your things and wasted no time in leaving Lincoln County in the dust.

Here it was very lush and green, with tall trees and leafy foliage bigger than your head. The little home you'd purchased was tucked away in the midst of the plants, just the way you'd wanted. Whoever would find you here?

So far nobody. And you were fine with it.

Sure, you went into town every now and then for supplies, pouring a little money into investments that left you time to yourself. It would have been spent working otherwise, and you didn't want to do that yet.

Here in the forest, you'd be content to live out your days in the hallowed halls of memory, and hopefully let time soften all wounds. Maybe the ticking clock would be merciful and let your recollections fall, fall into the abyss of forgetfulness. You'd only know if you waited.

Naturally you sent letters to Charlie and Manuela, telling them you were safe. They were the only people who knew you in the world now.

Such a thought would have disturbed you in the past, but now it was comforting. All the pain and grief you'd held tight was free to roam in the wide space of the forest. It traveled the length and came back to tell you about it, as you knew it always would. Time became the wound, but it was stitching with every second you spent in serenity.

You felt yourself smile and come back to life. All could be well. Just as you had in the past, you would learn to exist purely for yourself. Surely the hole in your heart would ease into a prick mark.

So far, your results had weaned nothing. You yearned and tried not to. Nights were not spent sleeping, but reminiscing. Because oh, the tragic memories wandered, but so too did the beautiful ones.

You thought of your little daughter more often than not, your beautiful Rosie. So strong-willed, so darling and true. She was treasured within you, and you knew you would never forget her. She was probably the one thing you didn't want to forget.

And of course you thought of him.

“I’m a lucky man,” he kissed your forehead, his nose smushed to it. “Everythin’ we been through…I’d do it a thousand times more so I could love ya at the end.”

Could you set all the rest adrift? So far no, but it'd been a mere few months here. Only time would tell.

The rain pounded at your roof that summer, and you tended a roaring fire in the hearth most nights, trying to keep warm in wake of the storms. The sound calmed you though, and somehow that kept you going.

You stretched out by the fire one night, looking at the flames and trying to imagine them as something other than destroyers. That was all you'd ever known the element to be.

It was fruitless for now, so you turned onto your back, staring at the ceiling and hoping you'd be more successful tomorrow. The wooden pattern of the roof spun daydreams that had you slipping off into sleep.

A sudden pounding knock at the door startled you out of your stupor, and you frowned. Who could possibly be here at this hour? And in the rain?

Standing up and reaching for the pistol you kept on your side table, you gaged your options. If it was a lost traveler you'd offer them shelter. Anything else...you'd play it by ear based on how threatening they were.

Grabbing the door handle and swinging the door open, you held the gun tightly at you side, peering into the darkness to see who it was.

The pistol clattered at your feet.

You were dreaming. You had to be. Because this was the most impossible thing you could think of.

Reaching out a trembling hand, you touched his face, feeling that scratchy stubble, damp from the rain. Solid. Real.

You took him by the hand in a haze, pulling him inside and shutting the door. Sitting down by the fireplace, he did the same, and you studied him, the light from the flames making it all the more probable.

His lips parted, and he removed his hat, dropping it beside his knees. "Daisy."

Like a trigger, the word sent you flying into his arms, knocking him over backwards with an oomph. He wrapped himself tight around you and you were home.

"You're dead," you breathed, pressing your face into his chest and inhaling his scent, the one you'd dreamt of for months.

"Everyone thinks I am," he whispered, his nose buried in your hair. Billy rocked you back and forth, and you nearly wept.

"How do I know this isn't a dream?" you asked softly, looking up into his blue eyes, never wanting to tear away from them again.

"You don't," he kissed your head. "I'm half sure I'm dreamin' myself. But after we go to sleep and wake up right here, I hope we'll both be a little more convinced."

That was him. That was your Billy. You wound your arms around him and burrowed into him as you'd ached to for months. He was here. Utterly yours. Forever in this far off place where only the gentle survived.

Bliss, you thought to yourself as he kissed you long and soft and sweet. This is bliss.

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