#its actually supposed to be boring sadly

[subconsciousmysteries]

when I finally become a famous enneagram guru let me tell you I will be the most boring guru ever to most people because I aint gonna lure nobody in by saying "I'll tell you your type!"

instead I will just write boring dry essays about what each type means and what each axis represents (i.e. 9 <--> 3, 5 <--> 7, etc.) in both an abstract spiritual sense and in a more material earthly sense.

I hope to give the future enneagrammers a far better education than the one I received. going from one abusive sociopathic community of LARPers to another. being taught to identify with types and focus on what your ego looks like (vanity) when really that was never the point

(the point in case anyone is wondering is understanding the cosmic spiritual truths behind each type's personality. read Enneagram of Holy Ideas)

and you can't even say I kept ending up in these shit communities because "you attract those sorts of people". if you're into enneagram there's no way to NOT attract those sorts of people. you have to dive into a pool full of sharks in order to find a few pearls who you can bounce ennea knowledge off of and grow wiser from. literally anyone who's been in enneagram a long time will attest to how most communities are psychologically abusive cancer, yet few people talk about it publicly, probably because there is nowhere to do so.

[hitlikehammers]

Steddie Missed Connection AU

feat. Craigslist-trawling-wingwoman!Robin + earnest-LA-transplant!Steve + rockstar!Eddie ✨ inspired by this actual Craigslist love story

It’s always about a 50/50 shot when Robin starts making her little back-of-the-throat squealing noises. Up to a certain pitch, Steve could pretend he had his AirPods on noise cancellation mode.

Once she reached fire-alarm-screeching levels, it overrode the settings and boom: he lost his fall guy.

Thanks, Apple.

But that’s where they are, and the squealing plus the screen in her hands, plus the way her leg’s bouncing against the table they’re both sitting at—which would have overrrode Steve’s AirPod excuse in about a minute because she’s gonna start splashing his glass of orange juice in a hot second—but all of it lumped together?

He’s lucky he’s retained his athletic reflexes post-high school—maybe only because of being joined-at-the-hip with this particular platonic soulmate, really—because by the time she’s swinging her iPad from its case to plop right down in front of him?

At least he’s quick enough to save his overnight oats from becoming aluminum-flavored when she drops the goddamn thing down without warning—caseless, the heathen—and makes indecipherable noises Steve thinks he’s maybe only heard at the zoo as she taps her nail with an migraine-inducing click on the screen.

Steve…supposes this means he’s obligated to look.

He sighs, fully expecting a dumb meme or a ‘cute TikTok’ because he knows who he fucking lives with; he reaches across the table and unfolds his glasses—really, assaulting him with this before he can even get his contacts in…

And it’s a…webpage. Like: just a webpage. A boring webpage, even. Definitely not matching up with the…squealing and table-sized earthquake of bouncing knees. He squints, tries to make it make sense.

Oh. Wow. He didn’t…

Steve did not actually know Craigslist still existed, let alone that people still used it. He was pretty sure the things for sale were always just kidnapping plots with extra steps, and then also that finding a person you walked past that one time was an FYP problem to solve. But.

Here, in front of him, in black and white and honestly like no other color:

Steve squints; it was posted this morning, but only just. Like 4am. So the last afternoon for there to be a one o’clock hour was—

Yesterday.

His yesterday was uneventful. Went shopping with Robs. Filled up the freezer and overbought shit again so they had a kind of massive and wholly mismatched dinner with the leftovers nearly popping open the fridge door. Can’t take the Midwesterner out of the man or woman, apparently.

Definitely nothing like the day this poor soul on a maybe-less-dead-than-presumed website had had. But Steve won’t pretend his heart doesn’t clench a little when he finishes reading because…it’s cheesy.

But Steve’s always been into that romantic…stuff.

“That’s very sweet,” he lands on commenting before passing the tablet back to Robin, who’s staring at him with frankly terrifying eyes. Like: lost-your-fucking-mind eyes.

“Steven.”

“What?”

“Steven.”

“Robin.”

He won’t even pretend he doesn’t jump with the metal slams on the wood where Robin narrowly misses flipping his bowl of sadly-abandoned oats with her iPad again when she slaps it down in from of him and points frantically yet again.

“Look at the location.”

Steve tilts his head.

Oh. He’d just looked at the time. And it’s not like the location in the title was…unique on its own.

“Huh,” he huffs with a shrug when he sees their part of the city listed in the main link up top. “Coinkydink.”

Robin’s growl starts deep, like a diaphragmatic thrum and Steve would be terrified of her if she were anyone else.

As it is: he’s only mildly unsettled. Specifically because the growl rumbles so…long.

Like at least a minute before she screams bloody fucking murder:

“My hair was in the buns!”

And the way she screeches it, and the maniacal twitch of those eyes…she’s saying more than those words, with those words.

Which means Steve has to put in effort to follow her coded message style of communicating, fucking hell. He hasn’t even eaten his breakfast.

He tries to think it through, at least manages to down his glass of OJ so it can’t be a sacrifice to flying iPads when he thinks he…

“Wait.”

Steve frowns. Robin just blinks.

“You don’t,” he shakes his head, or starts to, it’s a slow motion thing; “you don’t like honestly think,” but even as he’s saying it, the look in her eyes starts to make sense, and answers for him:

“This is not about me.”

Because: seriously.

“We were laughing!” Robin is immediate with her rebuttal, still in her screeching era. “No one else was there!”

“Because we specifically time our shopping for when people are at lunch on a weekday,” Steve counters quick, tries to cut her off at the pass; “a statistically slow window of opportunity for us to debate the list!”

“We write the list to avoid debating,” Robin answers in a more sedate, be reasonable now, dingus tone before she shakes her head and scowls and:

“Stop distracting me!”

Yep, back to the screeching.

“Why were you even on that fucking site?” Steve sighs as he crosses his arms and leans back in his chair.

“Steven,” Robin says again in that fucking tone that always means he’s missing the biggest, far-more-important point but does jack shit to help him find it.

“Robina.”

“Not my name, eww.”

“Well, now you know how I feel when you make up a middle name for me,” Steve sticks his tongue out very maturely to her scrunched up face: “they’re never even nice ones,” he adds, because they’re really not; “and I do know that was your next move so,” he smacks his hands opposite the screen on the table in front of him in victory as he crows:

“Denied.”

“This isn’t basketball,” Robin’s working her tongue around her lips inside her mouth, which is always deadly foreshadowing; “you didn’t block my shot or whatever—“

“Didn’t I?” Steve pushes because, well, one, he did, and two, the original conversation was absurd even for them.

“Maybe it was so empty because his security was there.”

Steve frowns. The tone’s too…even. No. No: too haughty.

“The fuck does that mean?”

“I said he looked like a rockstar,” she leans to grab back her tablet and poke near the top, obviously switching browser tabs: “so I did some digging.”

“Robin, what city do we live in?” Steve asks as she works, because yes, Steve remembers seeing a very hot fucking dude staring less in their direction than looking dumbstruck-lost as hell, and he’d considered walking over to ask if he needed help—Midwestern transplant to the bone—which was accompanied by the stray I’d fuck that gorgeous toothpick silly, but in the paper product aisle, like on the 48-count pack of Charmin, he looks soft under all that leather—then both thoughts were swiftly abandoned when the toothpick’s eyes met Steve’s and Steve maybe had to force himself to finish laughing at a joke he can’t remember now, that Robin told, because his skin felt like it was burning a little except the sun had poked behind a cloud, and his throat, it had like, it had just, it—

It just felt…weird.

He does remember that.

“But we don’t see rockstars every day,” which is fair, their neighborhood in particular is less music biz than others.

“Plus, look at this!”

Then she’s shoving the iPad back in front of Steve: it’s a TMZ shot or some other pap photo that’s more than half blur. It is indeed the parking lot at their Costco. And it does…feature a toothpick-esque figure looking similar to the one Steve remembers, but it’s more from the back than the side. And like, anyone can wear that much black in the summer. It’s a free country.

“And look at him!”

She split-screens to a Wikipedia article about a band even Steve’s heard of, if not for listening to them himself. It…he glances at the paparazzi shot.

Lead guitarist of Corroded Coffin Sighted Getting Groceries Just Like Normal People in Mar—

And then he looks back to the wiki: okay. Same band name. The guy with the guitar in the photo looks…

He has the same hair.

“Don’t tell me it’s just coincidence.”

Steve rolls his eyes.

“It is just coincidence.”

“Steve.”

Steve feels his face sour.

“I know that tone,” because he does. It never leads to things he enjoys.

“You’ve thought about him.”

“He was gorgeous,” Steve thinks he surprises her with his honesty but like, what does he have to gain by lying? Plus:

“LA’s is like the plastic surgery capital of the fucking world, it’d be kinda sad if a lot of people generally weren’t pretty.”

“He wasn’t that kind of pretty.”

And fuck if they don’t share a brain cell; fuck if she doesn’t see right through him.

“And that’s not why you’ve been thinking about him.”

And fuck if she doesn’t know Steve, far too well.

“I never once said I’d been thinking about,” he hears the words and knows they’re weak, goddamnit.

“You never had to,” Robin smiles a little and taps an annoying finger at the screen again, that’a somehow flipped right back to the Craigslist ad thingy.

And she’s actually not entirely right, because he hadn’t thought much about the gorgeous toothpick man with curls Steve wanted to be smothered by, suffocate in like a pillow. But when he did?

He’d thought most about how he looked soft, on the inside. Thought wild and idiotic things like maybe his soft could match Steve’s soft when no one else’s ever had and he was always left bruised for it, more than once near-unhealable, and maybe they could, like, if their softnesses matched, then like—

Something.

But Steve always comes on too strong, wants too much, hopes to hard and way too fast, though this shit might take the cake, there: so it was idiotic and he’d left that train of thought to derail on its own and—

Did that come on too strong?

His gaze snags on the words, those exact words up on the screen and he’s very tempted to start growling deep in the pit of his stomach, take a cue from Robin’s absurdity.

“Don’t you have a class to get to?” Steve asks, looking pointedly at the clock on the microwave: he knows she does. Pottery making. For self-edification.

She scowls but looks—swears colorfully because it’s later than she thought as she jumps up and goes to presumably…do whatever she does in the bathroom to get ready to leave and look her lesbian-luring best before she gets smattered in wet clay.

Steve remains unclear on whether that look’s more or less attractive to the specific ladies she’s trying to bait.

Either way: it prompts Robin to drop her one-woman campaign insisting Steve’s soulmate of the romantic flavor is calling our desperately into the void of the internet. But it also, however, has the…side-effect of making the time itself an obvious thing. 11:09.

Rob’s gonna take the car, she’s got…supplies and stuff.

Why that’s important is…lost on him.

He could debase himself and brave the bus, if he got off at Washington and—

What the fuck.

What. The. Fuck.

Steve very forcefully shoves Robin’s iPad back across the table and doesn’t think about anything, especially not the numbers, like the number 214, like two hours and fourteen minutes until—

Steve nearly chokes himself on his fucking spoon with how violently he shoves it, full of oats, between his lips. As if he can shut his brain up as easy as he can his mouth.

It…actually kinda works. He might have chipped a tooth.

——————

In the end, Steve is proud of himself for being reasonable and having standards. He doesn’t take a fucking bus to meet a stranger in a Costco parking lot, Jesus Christ. Come on.

He books an Uber.

(And yes, he and Robin agreed no solo Ubers for a month to save up to have the air conditioner looked at before it copped out on them because their landlord only gave a shit if it was dead-dead and yes, maybe she’d gone so far as to put their account on a hold you had to call and remove to avoid temptation—though of the two of them, she definitely had the bigger problem—but little did she think on the fact that while you had to link a phone number, you could just use Google Voice and make a new account and no, Steve’s not insane, or a hopeless romantic, or almost-asking-for-heartbreak-on-the-regular, thank you very much.

He is resourceful. And it’s only like $15 with tip. It’s a quick ride.)

He asks to be dropped near the back of the lot, and takes the walk up slow. Almost goes the long way, straight into the store. Almost turns back entirely.

But then he sees those curls.

And his throat does the…the weird tight thing for no fucking reason, and his feet don’t ask permission to walk in the direction of the man standing…less dumbstruck, now. Even from the back it’s clear.

Now: he’s waiting.

Steve can barely breathe, can’t fucking swallow for the state of his throat, but his feet still aren’t waiting for permission, so it’s only fucking seconds before he’s close enough to catch a whiff of cologne and then—

“Sorry,” Steve ducks around the man from behind and reaches out automatically to steady him when he startles. “Hey, sorry, you just looked like maybe you were looking for something?” Steve smiles as open, as reassuring as he knows. “Just wanted to check if you needed any help.”

Keep it casual, Steve, keep it fucking friendly and extra polite and—

“Oh my god.”

The guy barely breathes it out, his eyes so wide, and Steve doesn’t know why he hasn’t moved his hand from the guy’s arm but Steve can feel the electric current that runs through him, like the finest grade of trembling. And electricity, right, it travels. Conducts.

In case you felt your heart skip just one beat, didn’t even have to full-on stop—

And even that proximity to this man is nothing compared to hearing his voice, low and a little syrupy even as he stares in shock, in disbelief—and oh. Oh, but what was it the guy had written in his post? About feeling the earth move a little, or like, rewiring your cells just for meeting eyes?

Steve, he’s…

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

“You’re here.”

Steve blinks, rocked back to the moment to deal with the new tilt of the globe and the spontaneous realignment of his insides later. This guy’s looking at Steve like he’s unbelievable, like he’s miraculous, like he’s…

Sunshine.

“I’m here?” Steve asks, a little breathy, a little curious.

“I,” the guy swallows, lips shiny as he bites at them, fucking adorable; “I saw you, umm, yesterday and I maybe, well, possibly I wrote some,” he fumbles and sounds like he’s building up to eventual hysterics, so Steve acts wholly on instinct and reaches further now to catch at both his hands.

“Relax,” Steve breathes out with a smile, and doesn’t overthink smoothing his thumbs over the guy’s knuckles, just in case it soothes him.

“My friend,” Steve lets go with one hand and grabs his phone to show the page he’d loaded on the ride here; “she was convinced it was you, about me. I wasn’t, so,” he shakes his head quick when something falls in the guy’s face, something dims: oh, umm, no.

He cannot have that.

“Not trying to catch you out or something,” Steve exhales it warm, as reassuring as he can, with his whole chest as he grabs the guy’s hands in both his own again—since he seemed to not mind; “just,” and Steve shrugs even as he smiles a little, less self-deprecating with it than he’d probably have landed on if the guy hadn’t reacted to Steve’s hands on his by clinging back so tight:

“Just a little hard to believe, is all.”

The man barely lets the words settle before his jaw drops almost comically and he demands, high-pitched and somehow still rumbling, something commanding in it nonetheless:

“How?”

Like it’s unimaginable. Like Steve reading that post and walking into this lot and striding up to a perfect stranger—who may or may not be very famous but that’s actually not even a little bit of the point—but a stranger who would want to see him—

But then Steve’s meeting the guy’s eyes again; hadn’t wholly realized he’d been staring at their hands more than anything. Those eyes are like the night sky, swirling and endless and sparking in the right slant of light, and Steve feels them like a welcome, like a cushion of the stars, like a safe landing in a chaotic universe.

He doesn’t even know this man.

But he thinks…yesterday. Yesterday, his heart didn’t stop, not like this guy had written, but Steve understands now what it did do instead, the thing he did remember, the tightness in his throat: his heart didn’t stop.

It just surged upward and took up residence to pound at his trachea where it tripped instead. Which is kinda where he’s back to right now.

“Could I,” the guy’s voice is rough, shaky, and so is he, Steve feels it where he’s still got his hand gripped firm; “would it be too much to ask if I could hug you?”

And he huffs a breath, and it sounds too….too small, like he’s afraid or ashamed and it pings something hateful, but so much more protective in Steve’s blood just to hear it as he confesses on a end of an exhale:

“I just want to know if you’re real.”

And Steve didn’t grow up a hugger, but he sure as shit’s grown into one; he’d be one of those people standing in the city with a ‘Free Hugs’ sign without much convincing. But this guy.

This man in front of him who may or may not be famous, is definitely a stranger either way save that he poured out some lines on the internet that maybe exceeded the term ‘heartfelt’ by a mile, who may or may not be standing in here, inside this moment, for something like fate because…Steve did feel it.

Maybe he didn’t think twice about the immensity it could have, not in the moment, because he’d been shopping, and Robin’s story was funny and maybe he was just struck by his luck in living a life with his platonic soulmate and knowing joy; surely your heart can trip for that and just because it never had before, just because it did this one first time when he crossed eyes with a genuinely beautiful man who left Steve with half-a-second’s certainty that looking any longer would flay wide this unknown person’s soul for Steve to sift through: but Steve felt things like that easy, always had. Romanticized nothings like it was a profession.

But it never hit like this had, has—is—before, if indeed this is actually anything—

And Steve’s heart is still tripping but it’s back in his chest, and he knows it because where he’s pressed against this guy’s kinda-gasping chest, now, close and tight? Maybe Steve’s never paid attention before, or maybe Steve’s just never…touched like this before, even if all they’re doing is hugging in a fucking parking lot.

But.

He’s pressed there and his heart’s tripping in his chest and he knows it wholly and fully because he can feel this man’s heartbeat next to his own—and where it should be a battle, because it’s pounding, both of them are, one side literally against the other?

It feels like a caress. It feels like, like…

Steve closes his eyes tight because they start to sting with the single word it feels like: impossible, absurd, but…

Here he is. He’s never felt someone’s heartbeat pressed up against his own before. Definitely never felt—never dreamt—that it could feel like it fits.

He leans back when he thinks he’s got a hold on the hopelessness of his tender-hearted absurdity, but the guy is staring at him already when he does and suddenly Steve’s got a handle on absolutely nothing except his pulse jackrabbiting some more but then also feeling…like it lost something. Like it’s not complete.

And the man, he’s staring with those eyes so wide again but now it’s like he’s…it’s kinda like he knows. He knows his eyes are going to let Steve flay him wide open.

It’s like he’s begging Steve to…look. To look and less to take, and more to…have.

Maybe, maybe to keep?

And…how?

“Do you feel it?” the guy whispers, those deep dark eyes so big: just these vulnerable, bleeding hearts on main. “Even just—“ he tries to walk back, to open it all up wider, desperate and hopeful and Steve hears all of it because it’s all written in the same key as all that Steve knows, all that Steve is. Somehow.

Somehow.

So Steve blinks, too many times before he grabs the man harder and drags him in again to hold, hold, hold until the heartbeat on either side of Steve’s ribs is reaching for the other, touching. Until they’re holding on, too, and once they do, then he can whisper, warm and maybe wet in the crook of this man’s neck, this stranger who’s holding onto his heart now, unfathomable, as he speaks words he doesn’t have to think about first to know they’re going to shift the world again, this time so they both can know it in the souls of them together, all at once:

“I feel it.”

For @hbyrde36, who requested 'Missed Connection AU' at my HOBBIT-STYLE BIRTHDAY MONTH PROMPT FEST

✨permanent tag list: OPEN (lmk if you want to be added/removed): @pearynice @hbyrde36 @slashify @finntheehumaneater @wxrmland @dreamwatch @perseus-notjackson @estrellami-1 @bookworm0690 @imhereforthelolzdontyellatme @nerdyglassescheeseychick @swimmingbirdrunningrock @goodolefashionedloverboi @sanctumdemunson @theheadlessphilosopher @lawrencebshoggoth

divider credits here and here

💫 ao3 link here

[animebw]

Seasonal Reflection: Winter 2024 Anime

My feelings on the first anime season of 2024 can be summed up thusly: Most of my favorite shows from winter 2024 were continuations of shows that were already great from last season, not new entries. That's not necessarily a bad thing, and there were plenty of new anime I at least enjoyed watching. But it became clear about halfway through the season that aside from a couple fall 2023 holdovers, there was barely anything truly exciting going on here. Most of the adaptations I watched didn't do much to truly elevate their source material, and most of the few original series we got ended up the worst of the bunch. I can't say nothing good came out of winter 2024, but if this is any sign of how the rest of the year is gonna go, we may be in for a slog. For now, though, let's take stock of the anime I watched this season, and which ones are worth your time.

Metallic Rouge: 3/10

If you asked me what the worst show I finished this season would be at the start, I never would've guessed Metallic Rouge. I mean, it's a cool-ass original sci-fi anime from Bones with slick 2D mecha animation, surely that's gotta be at least a little cool, right? Sadly, no. Because this is, without question, one of the most baffling scripts I've ever seen in anime. Almost every single detail of its world and plot are barely explained, if at all, and the mechanics of what's even supposed to be going on are so nebulous that every attempt at a plot twist feels like a twist on something that never actually existed. Characters are plopped into the story without even an introduction. At times it feels like whole scenes have been cut out entirely. The only thing I can compare it to is the original Suicide Squad movie from 2016: a story so cut to the bone in the editing room that you can barely tell what's supposed to be happening half the time, and yet enough of the original story remains to suggest it was never any good in the first place. The one thing it gets right is the prickly chemistry between its two leads, and then it fucking keeps them separated for like half the damn runtime! How do you even unforced error that badly?

Bucchigiri: 3.5/10

Man, this was not a good season for original anime. Bucchigiri might not have been as staggering a writing trainwreck as Metallic Rouge, but its sin is arguably even worse; it's boring. It's a wacky, colorful high school delinquent romp with rainbow-haired Jojo's punks beating the snot out of each other with genie powers, it's sort of a re-imagining of Aladdin, it's got freaking Hiroko Utsumi at the helm, and it's boring. Why? Because this show gets absolutely stuck in the quicksand of its own status quo and refuses to budge an inch. Character growth is nonexistent, the protagonist is an aggravating loser wimp who never learns his lesson, and nothing of actual meaning happens from the first episode to the end. Literally everything you think is setting up a character arc where someone learns a lesson or grows as a person, all of it amounts to nothing. It's a limp, inert world that perpetuates the same overdone jokes and contrived, misunderstanding-based drama over and over again until all the outsized Utsumi visual personality feels like a tacky coat thrown on top of a lifeless corpse. What an utter waste.

Urusei Yatsura Season 2 (1st Cours): 5/10

I'm still not quite sure what to make of the Urusei Yatsura remake. is it charmingly dated? Annoyingly dated? A welcome throwback or a sign that some things should stay in the past? If nothing else, it never fails to get at least a couple chuckles out of me every episode. But the more it tries to lean into being actually sincere, the more its inherent cheesiness and lack of depth starts becoming a problem. I'm sorry, this cast of characters is just too abrasive and purposefully insane to take seriously, and none of their relationships are healthy enough to unironically root for. Lum and Ataru are not a couple I want to see actually get together, at least not unless Ataru stops being such a fucking shithead. And if him being a jackass could be charming in season 1, then this season is really starting to test my patience with him. It's one thing to be a serial skirt chaser, but his actions this season regularly cross a line from womanizing to unambiguous sex pest, and there's only so many wooden mallets he can get knocked over the head with before it stops feeling like like he's getting punished as much as he deserves to be.

Undead Unluck (2nd Cours): 5/10

Good news, everyone: Undead Unluck finally gave up on those awful groping gags that were ruining its central romance! Bad news: at the same time, it spontaneously developed one of the worst cases of recap padding I've ever seen! I'm not just talking overlong recap segments at the start of the episode, I'm talking constant flashbacks to events we just saw just moments before, straight up playing the same footage again just minutes apart, all climaxing in a truly unforgivable episode that spends seven goddamn minutes on recycled footage. Not even Tokyo Revengers was this bad with its time-wasting. And to add insult to injury, once it finally gets its feet unstuck and returns to a reasonable amount of recap for the final arc, it's probably the best arc of the entire show! It's some of the most bonkers high-concept emotional storytelling I've ever seen attempted, let alone pulled off so spectacularly. It's proof that there is so much brilliance to Undead Unluck, if it could just get out of its own way. But as long as it continues suffering from such massive systemic flaws, it's only ever going to be an also-ran.

Solo Leveling: 5.5/10

Okay, look; is this show dumb as a bag of rocks? Absolutely. Is it as nakedly an adolescent power fantasy as any anime has ever been? Ditto. Does it solely exist for dweeby incels to feel like swaggering douchebag chads getting revenge on all the normies who looked down on them by becoming The Bestest Strongest Chadliest Awesomest Of All Time? You know it. But god dammit, it's actually fun. I cannot pretend I'm too mature and sophisticated to enjoy a big, helping heaping of dumb edgy schlock when it's actually done well. I'm the one person on the face of the earth who still caries water for Akame ga Kill, for crying out loud. And Solo Leveling makes two really smart storytelling choices that keep it (mostly) on the entertaining side of dumb fun: building a genuinely interesting and intricate world that exists well beyond the scope of the protagonist's actions (for now, at least), and making sure that no matter how stupidly overpowered Jinwoo gets, his opponents are always just a little bit even more stupidly overpowered, so he's still pushed to his absolute breaking point and barely scraping together a win by the skin of his teeth every time. There is an art to edge that's too often taken for granted, and this show is proof that being the living embodiment of a twelve-year-old boy's wet dreams is no excuse not to be at least a decent version of that. That said, let's be real, Jinwoo was so much more attractive before his supposed glow-up. Give my boy back his scraggly rat locks, you cowards.

Bang Brave Bang Bravern: 6/10

What happens when a campy, cartoony 70s-style super robot anime crashes headfirst into a much grittier real robot anime? Well, what happens is Bang Brave Bang Bravern, the latest ten-car pileup of mismatched genres from the Cygames masterminds behind "What if horse racing but idols?" Take a desperate war story of survival against impossible odds, airdrop a skyscraper-sized superhero into the mix, and watch him completely shatter the original tone one cheekily ironic powerup and power-of-friendship speech at a time. It's a beautifully bonkers sendup of mecha tropes that has some of the funniest individual moments in this entire anime season, and the absolutely wild twist it pulls with the titular robot's identity in the back half is more than worth the price of admission on its own. Unfortunately, if it wanted to be as perfect a parody-until-it-isn't mecha series as Akiba Maid War was a parody-until-it-isn't mob flick, it probably should've tried being as long as most mecha series tend to be, i.e. more than just twelve measly episodes. There's just not enough time to develop any of the characters or world beyond the most essential parts, resulting in huge chunks of the supporting cast hanging around with nothing to do but take up space. And it leads to this show, which is trying to be so big and over the top, instead feeling so small and half-formed. Also, the secondary romance is gross. Like, really gross.

A Sign of Affection: 6/10

I think this show has helped clarify something for me: I'm really getting tired of how quickly modern romance anime get their main couple together. As much as we rag on the endless will-they-won't-they of ages past, taking so much time to build up the characters and their relationship before they finally make it official can result in some truly one-of-a-kind storytelling when done right. I might agonize over how long Sawako and Kuronoma take to get together in Kimi ni Todoke, but the payoff is so transcendent that none of those complaints matter. Whereas Yuki and Itsuomi getting together so quickly in A Sign of Affection... I mean, they're cute, I guess? His cool demeanor plays off her sincerity very well? But it feels like the show's in such a rush to get to the good stuff- and so determined to make Istuomi the dreamiest, most perfect boyfriend ever- that it skips over so much of the careful character-building that makes all the best anime romances so special. It's a sugary sweet confection, but wipe the frosting away and there's just not that much cake underneath. Honestly, I find the side characters a lot more interesting because they're allowed to have messy internal conflicts with a bit more meat on their bones. But hey, props for putting a deaf heroine at the center of your shoujo romance and taking so much time to explore how that affects the way she interacts with the world. That's a cause well worth celebrating.

Sengoku Youko: 6.5/10

Rejoice, everyone, we finally have an adaptation of a Satoshi Mizukami work that doesn't look like absolute garbage! After the flaming disaster that was Lucifer and the Biscuit Hammer's barely animated hackjob production, Sengoku Youko has arrived to give the cult fave manga artist a chance for his work to actually shine on the silver screen. As someone who only knows him through Planet With, I've always wondered if Mizukami deserved the reputation his manga gets, and with White Fox delivering as tight and intense a production as they gave Re:Zero, I guess it's time to finally find out. And the answer is... mostly? Like, the biggest problems in this sci-fi/feudal fantasy mashup are the characters being a little too eager to state the themes out loud and one pretty crummy death that's about as hamfisted and over-telegraphed as I've seen in a while. But there's a shockingly gripping narrative underlying it all, a story about the scars trauma leaves on people, of characters making bad decisions and facing real consequences for them, of hatred and poisonous ideology forced to reckon with the more complex reality of the world as a whole. And it all climaxes in an absolute barn-burner final episode that knocked my score up a half point all on its own. If future seasons can make good on all the potential this first season has set up, then I may just end up a Mizukami fan myself when all is said and done.

Blue Exorcist Season 3: 6.5/10

I'm of two minds about Blue Exorcist's second return after a six-year gap between seasons. On one hand, it's clear the new staff is just nowhere near as talented as the folks who first brought this series to life at A-1 Pictures. The action is abysmal, the storyboarding is clunky, and the animation feels like it's constantly fighting for its life to maintain a passable standard. And it sucks that a series that once brought such great life to its story is now held back by such a mediocre production. But on the other hand... holy fuck, am I glad Blue Exorcist is back. I once described The Devil is a Part-Timer as the mathematical average of anime as a concept, but if you were to ask me what the best possible version of that mathematical average looks like? It would be Blue Exorcist. This is, hands down, one of the best straightforward shonen action stories in the whole medium, a reminder of why all the most generic and overused tropes were once powerful enough to become generic and overused in the first place. It's proof that even the simplest of "superpowered teens kick demon butt with the power of friendship" concepts can result in a wonderful goddamn series when handled with good old-fashioned storytelling fundamentals. And not even the rough-as-hell production is enough to keep season 3 from delivering on the thrills, tears, laughs, and cheers that make this series so magical. Just, please, give the next season more time in the oven so it doesn't feel like it's wading through molasses to hit those heights. Okay?

Delicious in Dungeon (1st Cours): 7/10

Delicious in Dungeon's biggest problem is that it takes a while to really settle into itself. The opening scene of the protagonist's sister being devoured by a dragon sets the tone for an intense and desperate rescue mission, but the actual series that follows this harrowing opening is as lackadaisical as can be. And it's jarring to be thrust into a gag-filled, character-driven fantasy cooking comedy where the harsh tone of that opening scene and the ticking clock of Falin's digestion completely disappear from the characters' heads in favor of how beast to cook and eat the various fantasy monsters they encounter in the dungeon. Yes, it makes a little more sense once the mechanics of death and resurrection are explained later on, but it's a weird note to start on. Which is a shame, because once Delicious in Dungeon gets a handle on what kind of story it's trying to be, it's really fun! Its sense of deadpan comedy coupled with Trigger's expressive animation makes for some really unexpected gags, and the way it explores its fantasy cuisine is genuinely some of the most creative stuff I've ever seen in the cooking anime genre. Plus, with the dark tone coming back in at the end of the first cours- and landing much more naturally this time- I have high hopes for how this series will marry those two sides of itself moving forward. If the manga fans' reactions are any indication, I think we're in for a damn good time.

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End (2nd Cours): 8/10

So remember in my last post how I said that it was kind of disappointing whenever Frieren turned into an action show because of how disconnected the fights were from the beating heart that makes this show so special? Well, apparently the writers heard me and decided what I meant was I wanted this peaceful, meditative tale about grief, change and the passage of time to turn into the goddamn Hunter Exams for ten episodes straight. It's one of the most shockingly ill-advised storytelling swerves I've seen in an otherwise good show, discarding all this series' strengths in favor of a half-baked tournament arc with tonally jarring grimdark elements and a bland, overstuffed cast of characters who only start becoming interesting in the rare moments they're allowed to stop slinging spells at each other and just, like, talk about life? You know, the stuff that Frieren's actually good at? Not this brainless slice of shonen envy that only avoids being a complete slog thanks to how spectacular the action is across the board? Ugh. Look, Frieren is officially the most beloved anime on the goddamn planet right now, and its best moments are so incredible that I wish I could join that chorus as well. But it's so disappointing to me that a show this singular and special has so often chosen to be the least interesting version of itself.

The Dangers in My Heart Season 2: 8.5/10

It's official: director Hiroaki Akagi is the master of middle school rom-coms. No other creator so perfectly grasps the specific blend of immaturity, awkwardness, cringe, and heart-on-sleeve sincerity that defines the love stories of early adolescence. That was already clear with his work on Teasing Master Takagi-san, but now that he's pulled it off twice, there's no room left for argument. And just like with Takagi-san, the second season of The Dangers in My Heart takes a show that was already shockingly good and catapults it into all-time greatness. This is a coming-of-age triumph, a soaring tribute to embracing your own cringeworthy self, flaws and all, and sharing that self openly with the people who matter most to you. Ichikawa's journey toward maturity, Yamada's journey toward self-love, and the way their romance sparks the best in both of them is the stuff that dreams are made of. I laughed, I cried, I squealed like a little girl, and I felt my heart grow three sizes by the time it was done. This is a new gold standard for anime rom-coms, and if you can stomach a bit of groanworthy fanservice, it more than deserves your attention.

The Apothecary Diaries (2nd Cours): 8.5/10

Most of the time when I cover a two-cours show on these seasonal reflections, I end up in a pretty different place by the end of the second cours than I did at the first. Either it sort of fell apart in the second half, or found its footing and took it to the next level, or it changed in some interesting way that affects how I view the show as a whole. But The Apothecary Diaries has stayed the course from the first episode all the way to the end. Start to finish, it's remained pretty much the same show, with the same ideas and attitude, exploring the same themes in the same ways. And you know what? When you're as good as The Apothecary Diaries ended up being, there's nothing wrong with that. This is a spectacular historical drama that builds such a rich, compelling world for its equally rich, compelling characters to inhabit. It's a powerful exploration of how old society treated the disadvantaged- women, poor people, people with all severities of disability- and how one deeply abnormal girl carves her way through this viper's den with her body and soul intact. It's the kind of mature, thoughtful series we so rarely seen done this well, and with the announcement of a season 2 already confirmed, we may well end up with close to 50 episodes when all is said and done. That, folks, is what a true shoujo/josei renaissance looks like. And I'm so happy such a deserving series is leading the way in reminding us how damn good women's stories can be when they're given a chance to shine this brightly.

DROPPED

Cherry Magic: Dropped at 2 episodes for looking like butt and the central romance feeling pretty lifeless.

High Card Season 2: Dropped at 1 episode because I realized I didn't care anymore.

Ninja Kamui: Dropped at 2 episodes for being dull tryhard edgy bullshit with overdone fight scenes that are impossible to follow.

[pebiejeebies]

How to get yourself a partner! By Pebie!! (PLEASE DONT DO THIS IRL ISTFG…!!!)

I’m so normal, btw this is very long, BUT I SWEAR ITS WORTH IT!1

First, act very innocent to said person! So they don’t suspect anything!!

It will give them a false sense of security,, and when they fall for it….

YOU SHOW THEM YOUR SURPRISE!!

Tip! Use your plot armor advantage!! They can’t complain if they’re in your game! :3c

Tch! Works every time 😋

Make sure to make them faint, or else the plan will fail :(

Once you get them to faint, OOOOHOHOOHOHOOOO!! LET ME COOK!!

Yep! It’s definitely what you think it is, no, not a simple boring tea party,

It’s a date!! :Oc but deceive them into thinking it’s just a tea party! So they don’t get creeped out :(

They will most likely ask for some tea to kill their head ache!! So offer some normal and safe tea!

Then you give them a false sense of security, I’ll tell you why soon :)

Give them stress and fear, but comfort them by your attitude! Like always speaking softly and kindly, despite the fact that they could DIE :P

Haha /ref to Fear garden!! Haha… ha..

No, but seriously it’s all harmless! Just keep toying with them for a while, until they slowly start to trust you despite your horrific behavior!!

Now, look at this!!

Once they see that your ill intentions weren’t true, they’ll trust you more!

But keep toying more and more until the its time!

Plus, recommend randomly disappearing for a while to make them feel scared with out you <:(c

again, so their trust slowly grows with each other!! <3

Again, keeeeepp toying, I promise it’s worth it

Being corny is sadly a part of this process, but it will let them trust you! :D

LOOK LOOK!! IT WORKED! BLUSHING IS THE FIRST SIGN!! ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY WRITE A WHOLE PARAGRAPH ABOUT YOUR KINDNESS!! :DD

LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND ENBYPALS,,

WE GOTTEM!!!

(I’m so sane guys I’m sooooo sane… soo soo sans… hrggehehehgerg)

Yeah lol I have nothing to say,, but omfg do share your stories if you actually do this!! I’ll make an easier list of what you’re supposed to do

How to get: Fictional Partner

1 - Introduce yourself nicely and shyly to prevent any suspicions

2 - Make them faint

3 - Take them to the “Tea party” that is truly, a date

4 - Give them many false sense of security, but keep your genuine intentions pretty basic!

5 - Give them the option to leave, or…. 😋

YOYR VERY WELCOME!!

Peeps who wanted to taste my cooking!!

@cookieseals @salachy-part-two @plasky @fannybfdi-number1fan @axolkitkat @jazzberiperks

:D

[jennazed]

So today I was kinda bored and decided to read the "Be More Chill" book to see if there were any differences between the book and the musical.... and OH BOY WERE THERE SOME DIFFERENCES!!! I wrote down some of them, enjoy (beware spoilers obviously)

Jeremy has humiliation sheets to quantiatively determine how much of an incel he is

Madeline is now Elizabeth?

Who tf is Mark, why does he exist, and why is Jeremy friends with him?

Everyone knows Jeremy wrote the letter to Christine, but now he wants to give her a chocolate shakespeare bc he is a total flirt (TM)

Jeremy's mom is around and has a divorce lawyer-ing firm with his dad now

Michael is a white boy with an asian girl fetish

JEREMY IS A THEATER KID! JEREMY IS A THEATER KID! JEREMY IS A THEATER KID! JEREMY IS A THEATER KID! JEREMY IS A THEATER KID!

Mr Reyes doesn't microwave his own hot pockets, he uses child labor to do so instead

Christine is super angsty like she needs an anger management therapist or smth

Michael's brother got a squip apparently and is going to Brown University

Oh btw, Jeremy's dad doesn't even wear underwear around the house he just lets his son see his junk?

Michael also has a knee fetish apparently???

Sadly, the play is the actual Midsummer's Dream and not a Midsummer's Nightmare about Zombies

Ok Christine is no longer angsty?

Nvm she is angsty again that was quick

Jeremy goes "Heh-heh." a lot

According to Michael, all girls are shirt thieves and should never be trusted

Ok Christine is no longer angsty again and apparently she is very specific on how relationships are supposed to be formed bc of course she is

The whole Halloween party is now a school-sanctioned event

Is Jeremy a furry? what does "sometime tonight I’ve got to find pics on the Internet of girls with tails" mean???????

Instead of dressing up as Juliet, Christine dresses up as a prostitute angel for the halloween party

Btw michael knows all about the squip from day 1, his brother has one

Rich does his whole ITS FROM JAPAN moment at the halloween party instead of while pissing

Rich's halloween costume is marijuana

the squip is no longer "top secret can't even look it up on the internet shit" bc there's like 361 results for it on yahoo apparently

Jeremy's dad might have been gay for Ben Franklin

Instead of using his Bar Mitzvah money, Jeremy steals his aunt's beanie babies to finance his squip

LORE!! The guy from the lady's running shoes place who gives Jeremy the squip, his name is RACK LMAO

Jeremy keeps his squip-shenanigans secret from michael so we don't get the awesome sequence "try to say something cool" "i think i just blew my bar mitzvah money on a wintergreen tic-tac" "yeah not cool" :(

RACK instead of the squip says the "You can also set me to Sean Connery, Jack Nicholson, Sexy Anime Female hehehehe" line. This change is devestating

"The gayer it feels, the better your posture" YOU HEARD IT HERE FOLKS GAY PEOPLE HAVE BETTER POSTURE

In the book, the squip can see into parallel universes bc quantum physics

Brooke is Anne

Jeremy flirts with Chloe instead of Brooke/Anne man they really changed a lot of stuff around yk

Eminem dies like immediately. That squip DEFINITELY killed him lol

Fun fact: Jeremy is NOT circumcised!

Apparently you just think about the squip turning off to turn it off wow

Jeremy now does pushups whenever he sees an attractive guy on tv instead of whenever he thinks about sex

SQUIPS CAN CONTROL YOUR DREAMS? THATS SO COOL!

lol the squip hates singing

Jeremy instead of the squip says "up up down down left right left right B A start"

wait Brooke is in the book? Then who tf is Anne???

Madeline is now Katrina?

The squip becomes murderous if you drink, i love it!

how does jeremy not know what a pheromone is but is perfectly able to memorize monologues about how humanity has stopped evolving?

Jeremy is a professional boxer and will punch you in the neck and make your gameboy say "dont fuck with me >:(" if you mess with him, remember that folks

Apparently the squip thinks acting like a dog is cute?

NOOO! Some dude named Jason Finderman is the one who has his parents on the run for money laundering and hosts the party instead of Jake

Huh, no optic nerve blocking of Michael? Maybe this version of the squip is actually trying to help Jeremy

Poor Jenna :( she just wanted to talk about how Elizabeth is a slut and Jeremy turned her down

Apparently the squip is also a certified drivers ed instructor! Who knew?

JEREMYS DAD SAYS THE N WORD OK ITS PROBABLY FOR THE BEST THAT ONE GOT CHANGED

Ok smth is up with Jeremy, why is he confessing to Chloe while on ectsasy that he constantly dreams of her with a tail? AND WHY IS SHE KINDA INTO IT??

Fun fact: ectsasy turns the squip spanish

Apparently Chloe's boyfriend in the book is named Brock. Imagine going through 9 months of pregnancy and deciding that your baby should go by fucking Brock lol

Hugging legs is Jeremy's coping mechanism

I love this version of the squip: "TODO LO QUE USTED ES BUENO PARA ES SEXO DEL INTERNET." lmao

btw rich has a belly button kink

Rich named his pp Li'l Cheese Head

No michael in the bathroom moment, instead its more of a michael in a bathtub with an asian girl moment

Michael, who is still buddies with Jeremy :), rushes to tell him of the rich fire

I think rich set the fire bc alcohol + squip = murderous rage in this universe not bc he was trying to get it out

YOOO CHRISTINE IS GONNA BE A PSYCH MAJOR

Jeremy gets a therapist bc his mom freaks out when he tells her about the squip but the therapist is also squipped lol

lol all hollywood actors have squips, awesome

The squip's plan is to have Jeremy confess his love to Christine during the play in front of everybody but she calls him a loser… oof

The squip plans to write Jeremy's life story in a book and then have it kill itself with mtn dew red :O

THE WHOLE STORY WAS A BOOK JEREMY/THE SQUIP WROTE FOR CHRISTINE????? AND THEN IT JUST ENDS??????

That was one way to spend like four hours

[lumiidragon]

So now that I've seen the last season of the Nine Realms, I can finally give my own personal review on it, and the last seeing as how this was the last season and TNR is officially over.

So needless to say SPOILERS BELOW! PLEASE STOP READING HERE IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LATEST SEASON AND DON'T WANT SPOILERS!!!

So let me start out on a, sadly poor note with this: this season was super disappointing... The big finale, the end-all, the conclusion to The Nine Realms was...flat. Boring. Pointless. Like, this was actually probably one of the more poorer seasons...

So let's start with The World Serpent (Yeah, I can't spell the other name, so I'll just refer to it as 'The Serpent' for ease. This dragon was honestly a really cool design, but not as a "predator of all dragons and the destroyer of The Hidden World". First off, a top-tier predatory animal that is meant to destroy all dragons and the dragon ecosystem...doesn't make sense. Why would an animal like that exist??? If The Hidden World is supposed to be this perfect dragon paradise, then why is there a dragon that literally goes against this notion. Also, this dragon was literally seen poorly trying to catch a terrible terror in a flock of three that was just casually flying around its face like a cat trying to catch a fly and not doing very good at it. This is the dragon that can supposedly take down any dragon such as a Red Death? A bewilderbeast? Any titan-class dragon? No, I don't think so. The poisonous gas attack it has is powerful, but this dragon just doesn't scream "Destroyer of The Hidden World" to me. Not that a dragon that is destined to destroy the world all the dragons that are damned there forever makes sense anyways, but still. On top of that, this dragon spent most of its time "defeating the Riders" by hitting them with the same amount of power any other dragon enemy has and then just taking off. That was pretty much it. It hit once or twice then ran away. The series literally only made this thing to be "unbeatable" because they made the Riders' dragons have 2 HP per battle and have the bad guy dip afterward, thus drawing this out through the entirety of the season. This dragon wasn't powerful, it was long-winded. Finally, the final battle was so.......boring? The group brought in an "Army Of Dragons" to defeat this thing, which would have been cool if it weren't for the fact that they basically just brought one or two dragons a piece. That's not an army and if a handful of common dragons with two special bosses (the Faultripper and the Sky Torcher) is all that it took to beat this thing, then this dragon was never the ultimate dragon destroyer the legends made it out to be. I could really go more into how The Serpant and the battles with it were pointless, boring, and just anti-climatic, but this section has gotten long enough, so I'll leave it at this.

Next up, Tom and Jun. Their romance drama was so pointless and added literally nothing to the story. This is the last season and it's only 6 episodes long. They don't need teen romance side-drama this late into the series, they need to concentrate on what was supposed to be the issue at hand. That, and Jun breaking it off with Tom over him doing the same thing he's always done since Season 1 really shows their compatibility as a romantic duo. But yeah, their whole romance here was just completely pointless and added nothing to the series. Also, Alex and Eugene was also completely unnecessary with what they were trying to build.

Then we have the villains. So Buzzsaw's goons and Linda are the most pointless characters in the villain side of things. The bumbling side kicks to a villain can be charming, but when every villain's group are just kids in adult bodies that still need to be babysat or else they can't do anything right, then it gets annoying and kind of pointless. Linda was probably the worst of them. As for Buzzsaw, his redemption was too much a play off of Dagur and, in my opinion very unnecessary. It felt like they only redeemed him because they didn't need him anymore, but didn't have the time to properly deal with him. As for Sledkin, she was actually a decent villain for what the series was giving, but ultimately fell into the weak trope of "I'm so desperately obsessed over my final goal that I am just throwing self preservation out the window so I can be pointlessly reckless despite being a very intelligent individual" and ended up getting killed over it (which I'm surprised TNR actually had a human death in this).

So let's finally move to my final complaints with this season:

-Thunder being "alpha" is bullshit. There is no way the night lights (yes, even the Elder Night Light) are the "Kings of Dragons" when most dragons didn't give them two glances. So there is no way Thunder is an alpha. I'm sorry, but no. Also, with the Elder Night Light passing, it's nice to see how literally no one cared since Thunder can glow like a radioactive lightbulb now, I guess. They grieved Sledkin more than this dragon. Thunder hardly even cared. Along with the night light thing, Thunder's family is not only useless in the series, but seeing as how we never get a real reason as to why night lights are breeding with each other, I am not convinced that this family line isn't just a messed up family wreath than a family tree at this point. Nothing was explained, so the fans only have the fact that there were only 3 night lights from Toothless (Toothless who was basically never mentioned in this series) and the Light Fury (who wasn't mentioned at all) and no others exist, but we see night lights having kids with each other....I....ew.

-The Raker episode was literally just not necessary and could have been left out altogether and nothing change. This is the last season, we don't need pointless spoilers.

-Olivia was being built as a true character earlier in the series, shame she was basically forgotten about. Same for the other parents.

-The Gods Realm was boring and really uninteresting to look at. Like...it might as well have been any chamber in any cave around the world, not the "Lungs of the Hidden World", which the dragonite still makes no sense and there's no way they would have run out of oxygen in that massive chamber that quickly with the stone removed. None of that made sense.

-There's no way Tom would have ever learned how to communicate with dragons with Valka's staff. I don't know where they got this "Hypnotizing" thing from, but Valka lived alone with dragons for 20 years. She communicated and learned their language that she developed replications of in her own way. Tom cannot learn that in a short montage because Valka's power with dragons came from her connection and understanding from more time of experience with dragons alone than Tom has even been alive for. The staff was a tool, not the power itself. That, and Hiccup would never use his mother's staff. That's A. not his approach to dragons anyway, and B. his mother's. Valka most likely would have had her burial with that staff. Oh, and it's nice to see yet another thing just be casually destroyed and not cared about.

-And I think the last thing I've got for this massive post is the ending. Yes, the dragons leave. What a surprise. This time, the dragons choose to leave and more or less say "Sorry kids, you guys...eh, kinda suck.". The Riders were basically pleading with their dragons (mostly Tom) that there had to be another way and the dragons wouldn't even let them touch them anymore. They acted like they had their fun and it's gone stale so it's time to leave. Great...bond??? Of course, it was over "HOOMANS BAD." so why bother to fix the world when you can just hide in a dead-looking cave system forever? Right? Not only that, but the group itself also split up, expect for Tom and Jun of course, because how else can the series end off with the romance that they pointlessly shoved in.

So yeah, this season was......not good. I really had my hopes out for the series ending much more interestingly, but in the end, with the dragons shoving themselves away again, nothing came from this series other than Tom gets a girlfriend and the group learns the true power of video calls. So in all, I give TNR a personal 5-6/10.

[brainemptynothoughts]

Strawberry Shenanigans

Summary: It was supposed to be a simple pocky game between you and Gojo. You were both bored and Gojo was the one who came up with the idea in the first place. It was a simple game meant to cure boredom but how did you end up straddling Gojo's lap, his arms around your waist as he stares at you with those beautiful blue eyes, a seductive look on his face!?!

Warnings: none, just intensive making out

word count: 4204

It was a hot summer day. Not unusual for Tokyo summer but today just felt hotter than usual. No classes today as it was the weekend. It was awfully boring. You had no plans today. Shoko was out exploring Tokyo cafes with her non jujutsu sorcerer friends while Geto went to the countryside to unwind and try the local speciality bitter green tea. Normally you would hang out with both of them but you didn’t want to disturb Shoko times with her friends and Suguru looked like he needed some alone time. (He is probably still mad after that prank you and Gojo pulled on him a couple days earlier). 

Your cute underclassmen, Nanami and Haibara were hanging out at a mall and you didn’t feel like interrupting their “bro time together” as Haibara called it. Your seniors, Mei Mei, were nowhere to be seen and Utahime was spending time with her family. Even your teacher Yaga wasn’t even on campus off, he was on official business, leaving you alone on this big campus. Gojo was where ever the fuck he was (he had a nasty habit of teleporting without telling anyone where he was going).

Wiping the sweat off your forehead with your shirt, you decided to go to a vending machine. Your throat was feeling dry and you needed a nice cool drink to cool off from this heat. As you walk through the empty hallways, you wish the AC was actually blasting cold air. But no it was the most room temperature AC ever. You actually made a complaint to Yaga about this before but he shook his head and told you sadly there wasn’t anything he could do about it. What a pity.

Your eyes light up as your spy the colorful vendings machines lined up against the walls. You walked a little bit faster, humming a light tune. Praise whoever invented vending machines, it truly is a life saving experience. You slowly walked past each machine, seeing if anyone would catch your eye. There were some boring ads pasted on but you ignored that. Tons of drinks options to choose from. Cola coke, sprite, mountain dew, ginger ale and some more. If there was one good thing you can say about this campus it was that the vending machine options were decent. 

Your eyes stumbled on neatly arranged rows of ramune. A pretty section of orange, green, red, blue, and white bottles. Hmm. What to choose? Maybe melon? That flavor was alright but it tasted better as an ice cream flavor in your opinion. Then it was like a lightbulb flashed inside your mind. Throat feeling parched you knew exactly what carbonated soda flavor you wanted. You pressed a button, inserting 100 yen into the coin slot. The machine gently pushed a red drink out a shelf, dropping it down. You bend down to grab it. Voila! In your hands was a strawberry ramune! Its light pink liquid makes you happy upon seeing it. You lightly shake it just cause you wanted to see the marble inside move. You praise yourself for this excellent purchase choice. 

Now here comes the fun part. Ripping off the plastic, you pushed the plastic cap down onto the marble watching it make a little plonk sound as it fell, the soda lightly fizzed up. You take a swing of the drink, making a little ah sound. It was sweet, a strong artificial taste of strawberry. Cool and refreshing, perfect for this hot summer day. You greedily gulped it down. You stopped drinking for a second, to remind yourself to not chug it all at once. Don’t want to get too many burps. 

All of a sudden, you feel something cold and wet against your neck. You let out a whelp and whirled around to see Gojo with a cheeky grin on his face. 

“Yoohoo!” He said while waving casually with one hand like he didn’t just jumpscare you. You noticed on the other hand, he was holding that expensive plastic water bottle brand he liked. Typical rich boy. That must have been the wet item he must have pressed on your neck. Gojo loves playing pranks on you. 

“Oh it's just you,” you deadpanned at him. 

“Ehhh why do you say it like that?! Aren’t you happy to see your BFF?!” Gojo pouted at you. 

“Meh. You made me nearly drop my ramune,” you said, frowning at him. If it wasn’t for your years of training your reflex as a jujutsu sorcerer, you would have definitely maybe dropped your precious strawberry drink onto the floor and wept in sadness. Would have been a waste of your precious 100 yen. 

“Soo whatcha doing back here? I thought you teleported somewhere to escape this horrid heat.” 

“Wellll,” Gojo drawls out, “I was doing some sightseeing, got bored, decided to come back to see my favorite person. Aren’t I such a caring person?” You shoot him an unimpressed look. “Oi oi, you didn’t have to make that face,” he says. 

“I would have been fine on my own,” you replied, taking another sip of your ramune. 

Gojo slung his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into him. “Aww you love me though.” 

“Do I?” 

“It would be impossible to not love this handsome hunk of a man,” he winked at you. 

You sighed, regretting not going with Suguru cause now you have to deal with Gojo. He is annoying, rude, and childish. But he does have sweet moments sometimes. You made a show out of checking out Gojo's body, “Hmm I think Suguru is more handsome.” 

He lets out a dramatic gasp, “How could you prefer that Buddha lookalike looks over me?!” His hand over his chest, pretending like he was truly hurted by that comment. 

“Well he is hotter than you. Boyfriend material if you asked me,” you took this moment to remove Gojo arm off your shoulder. 

He pouts, “I can be boyfriend material too!” 

You let out a snort, “Yea right. Whoever ends up dating you is gonna feel like they are babysitting an overgrown toddler.” 

Gojo whines loudly, “That comment was unnecessary! Name one good reason why Suguru is more boyfriend material than me.”

You pretend to look deep in thought, your hand resting under your chin in a thinking pose, “He buys me snacks sometimes.” 

“I can buy you snacks too!” Gojo walks away from you and presses a button on a vending machine. He quickly grabs the item he got and walks back to you. He takes your hand and places a strawberry pocky box. “Here you like pocky right? I think I remember you saying strawberry was your favorite flavor.” You blinked a couple times at the pocky to make sure your eyes were actually seeing this. Gojo being kind is strange. He wouldn’t normally do something like this. 

“Uh thanks?” You said hesitantly. You had a feeling something was up. You placed your ramune on a nearby chair. Gojo copying your actions with his water bottle. As you moved to open the pocky Gojo hand quickly snatched it away from you. “Eh?” You looked at him puzzled. He smiled, you recognized that smile. It was the classic Gojo “I do something for you and you need to repay me” type of smile. You narrowed your eyes at him, “I knew you wouldn’t do something nice for no reason.” 

“I’m sad that you think of me like that. I can be nice if I want to!” Gojo said. 

You catch a glimpse of Gojo eyes peeking out behind his black shades. It sparkled with mischief. “I will give you this pocky but on a condition.” 

“Nah I'd rather get my own pocky.” As you moved to a vending machine your back facing him. Gojo spins you around to face him. You took a step backwards, your back lightly hitting the glass screen of the vending machine. Gojo moves an arm to the side of your head. His legs are trapping yours. The man really just did a kabedon on you. His soft white fluffy hair brushing against your forehead. You stared at his black shades, feeling his warm breath. 

“Ok what do you want,” you asked Gojo boredly. 

“Play the pocky game with me,” he smirked at you. 

Whatever response you had instantly disappears after hearing that, your brain process coming to a screeching halt. That's suspicious. That’s weird. “Aren’t this game meant to be played by couples? We’re not a couple, dude.” 

He tilted his head, “Yea we not. But it doesn’t have to be played by just couples. You know, friends can play it too.” 

“Why don’t you play it with Suguru then?” 

He made a disgusted face, “Don’t wanna. Wanna do it with you. You're special.” 

You raise your eyebrows. The relationship between you and Gojo was strange. Gojo loves to cling onto you, annoying you every moment he gets while you tell him to fuck off. He is like a stray cat that randomly follows you. There was this tension between the two of you. Nanami once told you and Gojo to get a room. You remember venting to Shoko before at how annoying Gojo was. She chuckled and said it sounds like you love him. You honestly didn’t know what to describe the relationship you and Gojo had. 

Maybe friends? Close friends? You and Gojo exchange jackets and sweaters all the time. Gojo “accidentally” stealing your Cinnamoroll jacket multiple times. Close friends cuddle with each other too, yea? Randomly at night, Gojo barges into your room and demands you for cuddles. He would flop onto you while you scream for him to get off cause he was heavy. He would pull you into his chest, him being the big spoon and you the little spoon. It was just a platonic thing. Right? Like Gojo likes to feed you sometimes but it's just what really close friends do. 

A finger pokes your forehead gently, interrupting your thoughts. “What are you thinking in that pretty little head of yours?” Gojo murmurs. You try not to think how attractive his voice is. 

“Just thinking I could kick you into the balls right now and end your bloodline,” you replied, trying not to look at Gojo's stupidly handsome face. You do not have feelings for your best friend, you don’t. 

Gojo gently tips your chin to make you face him, “Like you could even get past my infinity.” 

You glare at him, “Maybe if I kick you hard enough, I could.” 

“I would dare you to try it but I would rather not hear you whine about your foot being in pain,” Gojo leans in even closer to you, his lips so close to yours. “You and I are both bored. Why not cure our boredom with a fun little pocky game?” 

You sighed, “If I don’t say yes right now, you're definitely gonna pester me later, aren’t you?” 

“Yup!” Gojo said way to cherrily. 

“Fine. I’m gonna win though,” you gave in. 

“Greaaaaat! Rules are whoever breaks or drops the stick loses! If you look away from me, you lose too,” he says gleefully. He rips the pocky packaging and places a pocky in his mouth. “Ready?” He mumbled. You roll your eyes at him and bite into the other end of the stick. You won’t gonna let Gojo win. So you decided to make a daring move. Staring deep at Gojo shades, you quickly chomp on the pocky, getting really close to his lips. His head jerked back in surprise. Your nose brushed against his nose as you took a final bite of the pocky, barely missing his lips. You moved your face away from Gojo mentally celebrating your quick victory. You battled your eyelashes at him, licking your lips, “Too easy.” 

Gojo was still for a moment, “.....Not bad. I admit you got me there.” 

You lightly tapped his chest, “Since I won, give me the entire box now.” 

“No,” Gojo replied back way too fast. 

“What do you mean no? I followed your rules and won fair and square.” 

“Weelllll,” Gojo shrugged. “That was only the first round.” 

“Ehhhh,” you said in disbelief. You really just wanted the yummy deliciousness that is strawberry pocky. It would go so well with the strawberry ramune. 

“Let's move to the chairs, my neck hurts looking down at you. Urgh why do you have to be short,” Gojo rubs his neck. 

You frowned hard, “I’m not short, you're just a giant.”

“You're so cute and tiny, I could carry you around all day,” he smiles cheekily as he ruffles your hair. You swatted his hand away feeling a tinge of annoyance. Gojo finally unkabedon you and flops onto a chair. He widely manspreads and gestures to you to come over. You sighed knowing there was no shortcut out of the pocky game, so it best to just get it over with. There were only two chairs, one was occupied with yours and Gojo drinks while Gojo was sitting on the other chair. 

As you move to go grab the drinks so you can put them on the floor, Gojo hand wraps around your wrist. You glanced at him. He smiles mischievously. 

“I have a better spot for you to sit on,” he gestures to his lap, “Sit here.” 

Your brain cuts immediately short circuited. There were no thoughts brain empty. You stare flabbergasted, eyes wide in shock, mouth wide opened. He did not just say what you think he said. It's a good thing you're not drinking your ramune right now or else you would have spat it out from shock. 

Gojo pets his leg, “Come sit on my lap.” He notices your shocked expression. “Whaaaat? I promise it's comfy.” You opened your mouth to say something but no words came out. With a very devious look on his face, his hands wrapped around your waist and damn were his hands big, his hands perfectly enveloping your waist. Grabbing onto your waist, he pulls you onto his lap. He gently squeezes your legs and positions them on the sides of his torso. He sneakily wraps his arms around your waist to hug you. Gojo pushes his face into your chest as he stares up at you with the cheekiest grin. 

You were beyond speechless, your brain trying to process that you are straddling Gojo Satoru lap. How did your quiet afternoon end up like this?! Oh yea it Gojo after all. He always did somehow make a peaceful moment turn into chaos. 

“Why so speechless dear?” Gojo teases. You were pretty sure he was battering those stupid long pretty eyelashes under his shades. 

“Just wasn’t expecting you to be so bold babe,” you put the emphasis on babe. Occasionally you and Gojo would call each other pet names. Just what normal friends do. 

“You look so pretty sitting on my lap. We should do this more often.”  

Was Gojo always this flirty you wonder. “Let's just get this stupid game over with.” 

“Hai hai. Expect to lose this time.” Gojo removes his shades and throws them somewhere. He swipes back his hair and looks directly into your eyes. You couldn’t help but admire those gorgeous blue eyes of his. You could get lost in them but you would never admit that to Gojo out loud. Gojo shuffles you even closer to him, your chests touching each other. He places a pocky in his mouth. “Ready darling?” 

“Mhm.” Both of you start biting the ends of the pocky sticks. You decided to use the speedy tactic you used last round. Then something unexpected happened. Gojo winks at you and squeezes your hips. You choke and Gojo takes this to his advantage. He speedily bites down the pocky, his lips getting dangerously close to yours. 

“I won!” He cheered. You try to process what just happened. “Can you even do that?!” You blurted out trying not to blush. 

Gojo shrugged his shoulders, “Why not?”

“You-!” 

He interrupts you, “Since I won, call me by my name.” 

“Gojo?” You asked confused. 

“You know what I mean stupid. Satoru.” Oh. That was a simple request. You normally called him Gojo but sometimes you did call him Satoru. 

“K Satoru. There, did that make you happy?” 

“Yea,” he smiled at you. Woah there calm down heart. Satoru had no right looking that gorgeous. The sun was going down casting a beautiful golden hue over Satoru's messy white hair. His white tee accenting his broad shoulders. Those blue sparkly eyes that seem to resemble diamonds as they twinkled at you. His lips upcurved in a rare genuine smile showing off his cute dimples. Your heart only pounding because you admire Satoru aesthetics, not because of handsome looks. 

“Let's do one more round yea?” He asked you. “Final round out of three. Loser has to listen to the winner's request.” Finally that strawberry pocky box will be in your hands. You nodded. “Let's get this over with.” Satoru sensually places a pocky in his mouth. He cockily grins at you. Your eyes narrowed at him. This was his way of taunting you. The two of you started biting down onto the pocky ends. This round the biting was much slower. A part of you didn’t want this game to end too soon. It felt as time slowed down. It was just you and Satoru at the moment. Eyes locked onto Satoru, barely blinking. You can feel every part of him. His muscular thighs, the 6 pack abs hidden under his tee, his big hands gently pressing onto your hips. You were too busy concentrating on him, you barely noticed Satoru took the final bite, making him the pocky game winner. He pulls away from you, licking his lips. “Oohh looks like you lost.” 

You rolled your eyes at him, “Congrats. What do you want?” 

“Can I kiss you?”

“What.” 

For the third time, Satoru made your brain go haywire. 

“Wh- what did you just say?” You asked to make sure you're not hearing things.

“Can I please kiss you?” 

You stared at him. He looked serious. Too serious. You laughed nervously, “Oh this must be a prank right haha? Where the camera?”  

“Mhm not a prank. I want to kiss you,” Satoru bluntly said. His eyebrows were furrowed, lips pressed tightly. He was actually serious, the heck. 

“Why? Aren’t we..just friends?” 

“Are you stupid?”

“Wha?” Way to ruin the mood, Satoru. 

“Do friends flirt with each other all the time huh?” 

“YOU WERE FLIRTING WITH ME? SINCE WHEN?!” 

Satoru sighs, “I thought I made it fairly obvious.” 

“I uh thought that was typical Gojo behavior.” 

He frowned, “Do I have to spell it out for you? I gave you expensive gifts, took you out all the time, call you pet names, fuck I was even being clingy, lovely dopey and shit and your telling me you thought that was just me being friendly?” 

“Yea?”

He groans, “Why did I fall for a dumbass like you again?” 

“HEY,” you snapped, “But since when did you start having feelings for me?”

“Maybe when I saw your cute ass in those tight jeans you like to wear?” 

“WHAT THE FUCK,” you screeched, madly flustered with an intense blush on your face. 

“Kidding! Don’t really remember how it started. Just somewhere along the way, I knew I liked you.” 

“What do you even like about me?” You weren’t ready at all that your long time friend who you had a crush on like you back and he even confessed first. 

“Hmm,” Satoru tilted his head like an adorable puppy. “I can name off a lot of things. I like how you sing in the shower, you're always looking out for others, you're sweet, too pretty for your own good, how you love to collect cute things. I can name a lot more buuut-” he grins at you. “If I say anything more, I think your face gonna explode off.”  

You were bright as a tomato. You bashfully hide your blushing face behind your hands. Satoru took your hands away from your face, “Come on now, don’t be shy. Let me see the person I fell in love with.” Fuck. Fuck. Your heart was so not prepared for this. Your heart was beating so fast, you could hear it pounding hard. Satoru leans into you, whispering into your ear, “I know you love me too.” He grins. 

You groaned, “Was it that obvious?” 

“Yup!” He says popping the p. 

“Ugh. Now I feel like a damn fool.” You wish the Earth could just swallow you whole right now. 

“It was cute really seeing you pretend like you didn’t love me,” he teases. “Soo how bout that kiss hmm?” Satoru's voice drops to a deep tone. You breathe in and out slowly, thinking of all the times you wanted to kiss Satoru. You mustered up the courage and grabbed Satoru's collar pulling him to you. You press a kiss against his soft lips. All of those times you spent daydreaming kissing those beautiful lips of yours finally came true. Satoru eyes widen in shock seeing you take the first move, mouth open in an O shape. It was a short kiss, merely a brief second. 

“Heh,” Satoru chuckles, “You call that a kiss? Let me teach you how to actually kiss.” A hand softly cups the back of your head as he moves to press his lips against yours. You whimper and he takes this to his advantage by slipping his tongue into your mouth. His tongue explores the caverns of your mouth. His tongue intertwines with yours. His breath was hot, his forehead against yours. His other hand gripping your waist to keep you steady on his lap. Your bodies pressed together, flush and hot. You let out a moan as Satoru lightly bites your lip. After a couple minutes that felt like forever, Satoru pulls away from you. Your chest heaving up and down as you pant for air. 

Satoru lazily lips his lips as he looks at you with his hooded eyes filled with desire. His hand swipes away the drool from your lips. You didn’t even realize you were drooling. “Mhm you taste like strawberry,” he says in a delighted tone. 

“Well no shit, Sherlock.” 

Satoru laughs, “There's that cheeky mouth of yours I love! I kiss you real good huh. So good, you're drooling.”

“Shut up!” You wiped your mouth in embarrassment. Satoru was actually a pretty decent kisser, better than you thought. His hand traces your neck, “Let me mark you here. Let the world know your mine.” 

Your breath hitched. Satoru's eyes swirled with lust as he locked a heavy gaze on you. You pressed your forehead against his. “Always been yours.” You murmur in a low voice. Taking that as permission, Satoru moves your shirt to the end of your collarbones. You feel his hot breath as your skin tingles with anticipation. Satoru starts pressing light gentle kisses. He leaves a trail of kisses. Your legs wrapped around his waist tightly using the back of the chair to press yourself even closer into him. He finds the nape of your neck and starts circling his tongue on a certain spot. He parts his lips slightly and starts to suck. You let out a small whimper, your hand grasping his hair for support. Satoru starts to suck harder, using some teeth. He bites your neck but no to hard. He kisses your neck in brief intervals, sucking, licking, and repeat. 

Satoru pulls his lips away and admires his handiwork. A small red bruise like a mark slowly starts to form. Satoru being the insatiable man he is moves to the other side of your neck and gives you being the entire man. The entire time you were feeling incredibly aroused letting out soft moans. After a couple of minutes, your neck was decorated by blue, red, and purple dots. “Hm pretty good if I do say so myself,” Satoru smirks in a cocky tone. 

“How am I going to explain this to the others……” 

“You don’t!” 

Satoru brushes his nose with yours, giving you a couple more playful kisses on your lips. He pressed a kiss to your cheek. “I love you so much you know?” He confessed. 

“I can’t believe you confess first damn it.” 

“Well one of us needed to do it eventually and it was me.” His thumb teases your lip. “ Open up.” You confused did what he said, slightly opening your mouth. He puts a pocky into your mouth. “Oh so you finally remember to give me my pocky!” 

Satoru snickers, “No thank you?” 

“Nah. You don’t deserve it.” 

“Fair. By the way, there was a bet on us who was gonna confess first.” 

“Really? Let me guess Shoko started it.” 

“Bingo! Once they come back, I’m going to cash in on my winnings!” 

“Wait, you betted too??? Give me some, I'm broke, you don’t need more money, rich boy.” 

“Sure sure. But I can do you one better. Next week you're free right? Let's go on a date. I treat ya.” 

You fistpump the air in excitement, “Yes!” 

Part 2 here!

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Suppose 'The King in Yellow' exists in the world of twilight. Which cullen reads the play?

The King in Yellow for those unfamiliar with it, is a fictional play within a set of short stories that's eldritch before there was even eldritch.

Boringly and sadly, anon, none of them. That in itself would be a story as whoever reads more than the first act is driven mad. The Cullens are a lot of things but they're functioning, they teeter on the brink of madness (at least Edward certainly does) but they never quite fall off the edge.

I can list off the Cullens who've never heard of it and have no interest and those who are... tempted...

Alice

Has no interest in it/has never heard of it. Edward's talked about it here and there but Alice isn't what you'd call an intellectual or someone with any interest in reading weird plays that sound cerebral and boring.

Bella

Bella's heard of it but never read it and only vaguely knows what it's about. She feels like it's one of those things she always ought to read but it's not her genre so she always mumbles away excuses on why she hasn't read it yet. "I'll get around to it someday," Bella says without really meaning it and knowing she'll read Mansfield Park again.

This is even worse when she's a vampire as she has 'infinite' time to get anything done so she never actually sits down to read new things.

Carlisle

Oh, he's heard of it and it terrifies him. He's actually read all of act 1 and found it, as everyone described, banal, not that interesting, and very benign. He's always been tempted to start the second act but fear has stayed his hand and so far he has never done it.

Edward

Edward didn't even start the play. He's so terrified of what it might do to him, what truths it could possibly reveal, that he hasn't even read the first act that Carlisle assures him was quite normal and certainly not madness inducing. Edward's so terrified that a part of him believes even to look on the cover would drive him past the point of no return.

However, he has explicitly kept it on his bookshelf as both a point of pride (he hasn't gone mad yet) and a temptation he can't even explain to himself.

All it would take is for him to reach over, flip open its cover, and...

Emmett

He frequently gets it confused with Waiting for Godot. Because of this, he'll insist that he watched it and can see why it drove people utterly mad out of sheer boredom. When someone points out that was Waiting for Godot he tries to figure out what The King in Yellow is but ultimately forgets and thinks it's Waiting for Godot again.

Esme

Esme's heard of it but has little interest in it and isn't sure why anyone would want to read a play that would drive them mad. Seems like a silly thing to do when you can always not read the play and not be mad.

Because of this, she doesn't understand how the play would tempt anybody and thinks it's on Edward's shelf as a kind of strange decoration.

Jasper

Jasper has heard of it but has no interest in it. That sort of intellectual nonsense isn't his thing. Like Esme, he doesn't know how a play would drive you mad or why you would read if it drives you mad.

He suspects one day Edward will give in and read it though. He's not looking forward to that fallout.

Renesmee

Somehow, the play ends up on Renesmee's bookshelf and because she has 0 supervision despite being watched by Jacob all the time she has no idea how dangerous of a play it is and that it may very well drive her mad.

She probably ends up reading it one day and the entire family doesn't notice she's been driven utterly mad.

Rosalie

She's heard of it but has no interest in it. She despairs of Emmett not knowing what it is but considers herself cultured enough in at least knowing generally what it's about. She's mildly curious why it would drive people mad but not enough to do anything about it.

[hopefulfuturenovelauthor]

Hi

Can you write some Percy de rolo x reader? Some jealous and protective Percy.

hi, I hope this meets what you expected. its not very angsty, but i thought it was kind if cute and funny. hope you enjoy, and please do not copy my work! thanks!!!

Jealousy

Percy de rolo x reader

You obviously didn’t mean to be hit on by the tall, slender, handsome elf, and you certainly weren’t trying to draw attention to yourself. After all, it's not as if you had eyes for anyone other than the gunslinger of your group. You didn’t care to learn the elf’s name, though you were sure he brought it at some point in the one-sided conversation. He continued rambling on about something so utterly boring and unimportant while you simply nodded. 

    The only reason you were even present was because you were required to attend the formal gathering with your colleagues and fellow mercenaries, Vox Machina. You had all arrived decked out in your fanciest attire, the luscious green and black fabrics adorning your body like the muse of an ethereal painting. 

In the beginning, you had all been together, but Scanlan broke off from the group first, then Grog joined the gnome, Vax and Vex were drawn away by admirers, Pike decided to sit and watch the event, Keyleth chose to explore the room, and Percy was led off by a group of mechanical and technological admirers. You, being you, went looking for a drink to dull the edge of the surrounding crowd. 

The drink did dull the edge of the crowd, but sadly the wine served at this event was not enough to take away the buzzing of the elf beside you. Unlike most of your friends, you did not like to be rude. However, in most cases, you would have already made a bit of a scene, but Percy had asked you all to be on your best behavior so you stayed silent in your seat. The room was filled with chatter and banter, but for the life of you, you couldn’t help but want to do anything else than interacting with these people. Honestly, you would slay another dragon if that meant you could leave this place.

The elf made another advance on you, placing a hand on your forearm. You tensed, but did not shrug it off. If he became too handsy you would most certainly have him pushed into the bar with a knife to his easily accessible throat. Once more, you didn’t want to make a mess out of this event like your colleges had the last several, so you searched the crowd for your escape. Pike was chatting with a noble, grog was munching away on appetizers, Scanlan was somewhere, and Percy was still surrounded by admirers and possibly some potential investors. 

It was Percy that noticed you, and his eyes met yours with ease. When they left yours, they were filled with a little rage and something else that the gunslinger had never shown before. It was a look you were unfamiliar with his face showing . His eyes were locked onto the elf that had leaned closer to you without you noticing it. It seemed from your perspective that Percy had excused himself from his conversation and was making his way over to you. Your lazy posture became abruptly aware and excited to be saved from the drag of a situation you were in. You popped up from your seat just a little, as Percy stepped before you.

“Hello there Y/n,” Percy smiled down at you while you smiled back. Percy’s attention turned towards the elf that had been gnawing off your ear with his conversation, “and …” Percy trailed off waiting for the elf to give his name.

The man beside you held out his hand for Percy to shake, “Idril, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Percy grunted a little but shook the elf’s hand. “Well, Idril, you don’t suppose I could steal Y/n for a second now, do you?”

“Oh,” Idril looked at you, “actually we were just in the middle of a conversation, I’m sure you don’t mind if we finish first.” 

“I suppose you can finish whatever you were talking about after I speak with them,” Percy smiled smugly, neither of the men looking at you anymore.

The two were becoming quite passive-aggressive, while you were just becoming aggressive. “I really feel like the discussion you are both having should involve me a bit more than the two of you. After all, shouldn’t it be my decision when it comes to what I do?” you asked them in such a way that if they said anything other than yes, they would have both had their asses handed to them.

“Of course, you are entirely correct,” the elf responded.

“Yes, obviously,” Percy huffed out. You raised your brow at his demeanor and quickly rolled your eyes.

“Percy, why don’t you go wait over there,” you gestured to an empty spot of the room, with two chairs available, “while I finish up here.”

Percy did a curt nod, annoyance clearly showing in his eyes, “fine.” The man walked away and toward the spot you had pointed out.

You turned to the bartender of the event and kindly asked for two more glasses of wine. The elf beside you smiled. “It has been lovely talking to you, Idril,” you spoke.

“As is the same for you, darling.”

 “I’m very glad we were able to meet,” you continued as the bartender returned with the two glasses of wine you had asked for. Idril reached out for one, but you quickly grabbed both and stood up, “I truly hope I see you again one day.” You left the elf sitting alone at the bar and made your way over to Percy.

You fell into your seat with a thunk, seeing as you were already exhausted from the night. “Here, drink up,” you handed a glass to Percy and then downed the entirety of yours. 

“How was the ever so charming Idril? I’m certain he would like to see you again,” Percy’s tone was odd, but it didn’t throw you off. He seemed angry for whatever reason.

“I don’t know, I didn’t listen to a word he said until you showed up,” you glanced at your companion.

“Really?” Percy asked skeptically, not entirely believing you. You did not appreciate the accusation in his voice.

“Yeah really,” you snapped back. You winced at your own voice and sighed. “Sorry, these events always get me so worked up. I hate them.”

“Well for someone that hates them so much you are quite good at them. Much better than the others I assure you,” his voice became softer and less targeting.

“Please, the others aren’t even trying to be good, I on the other hand constantly want to punch people in the face at these events.”

“Why don’t you?” Percy asked after taking a sip of the burgundy liquid sloshing inside his glass.

“Because,” you started and paused, “because, they are important to you.”

“Not important enough for you to feel this obligated to fit in and drain yourself internally,” he responded with faint concern lacing his features.

“Please, you are the only one of us that belongs in a place like this. Even I find Scanlan embarrassing at these events, I can only imagine what you must feel.”

“I don’t care how others view us. I care infinitely more about how you view us,” he said honestly. From him, it sounded like a confession, like a secret you were never meant to hear.

You smiled, “good because if one more person here hits on me and enters my personal space I will threaten them.”

“Good, I’d be happy for you to do just that,” Percy straightened up.

“You really would, wouldn’t you?” you moved closer to him, “based on the way you acted earlier, I would say you were jealous. Now I could be completely wrong, but simply based on observation-.”

Percy turned his face, and he went a little red from embarrassment, “please don’t, I was not jealous.”

“Really?” you questioned teasingly.

Percy turned back to face you, “yes really.”

“Alright, I guess I believe you,” you said, “I could use some food, how about you?”

“Food sounds nice.”

“Good,” you kissed his cheek, “I’ll be right back.” You stood up and winked at him before you made your way to the selection of appetizers on display. Percy’s face turned a deep red as he watched you gracefully make your way to Grog. 

You both ate together before trying to hurdle up the others so you could leave. The rest of the night went fairly smoothly, other than a few smashed plates due to you and one broken elf nose due to Percy. For once you had enjoyed the night and it seemed Percy genuinely enjoyed it too. You both laughed as you left the uptight party to return home with the rest of Vox Machina. On the journey back you and Percy passed a wine bottle you had snatched. Even returning home the group lulled creating a peaceful vibe across your shared home. You and Percy walked together to the hallway where your bedrooms were located. Sharing a short kiss in the moonlight, you said your goodnights and went to get some well needed rest. 

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2024: #16

16. PORTUGAL Iolanda - "Grito" 10th place

Decade Ranking: 56/153 [Above Circus Mircus, below Alika]

OH NOES THE FINGERNAILS!! SO BLATANTLY POLITICAL!! I legit had to zoom and enhance to even NOTICE, jesus christ EBU.

For an entry that I have ranked relatively high, Iolanda is such a pain to write about? I feel like the appeal and placement are both obvious? There are also no real fun things about it? It's all fairly cut and dry (hence why I skipped yesterday to give myself extra think time for the write-up).

I find it hard to believe that anyone can muster up feelings beyond 'yah this is good, next one please' for a song of Grito's calibre. Especially over the more immediate (read: better) "Pelas Costuras"?

That said, I must soldier on and write a few more words. "Grito" is actually a pretty competent Growth Ballad. It starts slowly but then gradually builds up the tension. It handles the overcoming of inner demons with a beautiful touch of melancholy (it IS Portugal after all), and never stays too long in its phases.

In other words: it dodges the main pitfall of many other cerebral ballads: Despite what Joel and Myff were insinuating (Aus NQ'd, in your FACE) Grito is not boring.

But it's also not that engaging of a composition. My gripe with it is that it banged the hardest in studio for me, and studio cuts just... don't matter to me? At last not post-show. I get all of my listens from Youtube, not Spotify. In the studio version, "Grito" goes from zero to hero IMMEDIATELY at the first chorus, and doesn't back down. It goes quite hard. Live, the transition is more gradual and subdued, which pulls me into the immersion at a later point. Almost too late? "Grito" is a slow burner, and I'm not a patient man. You need to make me care about you immediately, not until you're halfway through the song.

It makes sense that Iolanda was sort of the Alika of the year resultswise (getting a good amount of jury votes into a negative televote) but she had the opposite problem for me. Alika came across like she was aimlessly screaming at a mic without any sophistication. Iolanda came across as frosty introvert who deliberately held back on purpose to sound frail before the big note. BELT WOMAN, YOUR SONG DEMANDS IT.

Eventually, she did. And it was pretty good.

That was a really good climax. Grito succeeds where Ramonda and Before the Party's Over (and in a sense Veronika which I'll address in a few days) struggled with or even outright failed to do.

So going into the contest from FdC, I always expected Portugal to be a qualifier (why were SO many people sleeping on it? I know a lot of eurofans are dumb (sadly, not of the mute variety), but also hard of hearing?) but I was hoping for Iolanda to inject more life into her song. This was why I had difficulty getting into her at FdC.

and she... sorta did?

Like, if I'm honest, the performance wasn't enough to fully win me over. It went from a 7 to a 7.5, it's not the LEAP forward I had hoped.

However, Portugal managed to elevate the act from its FdC counterpart, and respected the song's strengths. Befitting the lyrics, Iolanda ~transformed into a better verison of herself~, serving personality.

The staging in Sweden was also better - the use of the cubes to create a confined space for an intimate performance, the interactive choreography and the camerawork that framed it beautifully were great. In FdC, it felt like Iolanda had too many ideas for her staging, and they were poorly implemented. In Sweden, it clicked together smoothly. Her styling was great (die Joel!). She got the message across, while staying classy and sophisticated, which I suppose is Portugal's entire spiel at Eurovision nowadays.

In terms of my personal preferences though, it doesn't set my soul on fire, or makes me raise roofs tonight. Iolanda was good across the board, so she makes perfect sense as a high jury carry, but at the same time she also makes perfect sense as a televote bottomfeeder. It cuts both ways - "Grito" is good on all accounts, and outstanding at none, nor particularly is it particularly high on Fun Factor. It's too polished and competent for that. Like, "Grito" is not Eurovision. it is a well-executed live of a well-written song that found it's way there by winning the NF. It's highbrow. And I can appreciate that, but ultimately, others this year have delivered entires that were more to in line with the vibes I like to receive from my Eurovision entries.

AND NOW WE'RE MOVING UP A TIER. Here are whoever's left:

Which one is #YOUR favourite?

THE RANKING

[where-theres-smoak-2]

The Marvels Review (SPOILERS!!)

So I just got back from watching The Marvels. I'll be honest when I first heard about this film I was very meh about it, I knew I'd go see it because me and my mum always go see the marvel movies together, its sort of a tradition now, but I wasn't very hyped for it. I didn't really enjoy Captain Marvel, its probably my least favourite marvel film, or her character. I liked Ms Marvel when it came out but again it wasn't something I was super hyped about. So I was really really surprised that I loved The Marvels film, it really was so so good. Sadly I do feel like alot of people wrote this film off long before it came out, I kind of did too, I think the general attitude is I'll watch it but only when it comes out on Disney+, but in my opinion I really do think this film is worth the price of a cinema ticket, I thoroughly enjoyed it. So lets talk about the film, as always these are just my own thoughts and opinions and there will be spoilers so the rest is under the cut.

Carol Danvers.

So I am going to start with Carol/ Captain Marvel's character and story throughout this film. One of the biggest reasons I didn't enjoy Captain Marvel was because I felt like one she was too overpowered so it never felt like there were any stakes or risk that she might lose, so it made it kind of I don't know boring, I guess, or I wasn't as invested because it was kind of like well of course she's going to win. Also, and I don't know if this was a writing problem or an acting problem, it could even have been a me problem, but I just felt like Carol's character felt very wooden, she didn't seem to get emotional about anything, even when it seemed like it was supposed to be an emotional moment.

In this movie though Brie Larson put out such an amazing and touching performance. Like I could see her emotions and could see how much she cared about Monica and Maria, also how much she misses Maria. Another aspect I thought was really interesting was seeing her guilt at what happened to Hala, the Kree home planet, and also how she felt like she couldn't go home to Maria and Monica until she fixed it because she felt so ashamed.

The scenes between her and Monica were really great you could see how happy Carol was to hear her voice over the comms when Fury was speaking to them both and when they were reunited, also how hurt she was that Monica was clearly upset with her. It makes sense that Monica felt abandoned by Carol but I do love that they worked it out and fixed that relationship because they are family.

I also love the bond Carol forms with Kamala and I also love how at first Kamala is so starstruck but over time she begins to see Carol as a person and get to really know her as opposed to an idea of her.

Another thing I am really glad they added was that Carol's powers would be absorbed by the villain's bracelet and could then be redirected to be used against her. To me it solved that problem from the Captain Marvel movie where she was too overpowered, now there were stakes and there was risk, you weren't as sure that she was definitely going to win.

I just feel like in this movie the took a character that in all other projects seemed just this kind of 2d badass without much other substance to her and actually made her human and someone you can really relate to.

The Marvels

The team up of Carol, Monica and Kamala was a highlight in this film, the characters worked together really well and I loved seeing them working together as a team. I think Kamala learnt alot about what it is to be a hero and what it really takes from Carol and Monica which I am excited to see how the events of this movie effect her character going forward.

As mentioned above Carol and Monica's interactions were also really interesting, the added that bit of tension between them where Monica was upset that Carol never came back and that when she came back after the blip she was alone, there was no one there for her to return to. Despite that tension it was still clear how much they mean to each other and that they really are a family. It was what made Monica's sacrifice so much more gut wrenching, I teared up watching Carol so desperately trying to reach and save Monica really broke my heart.

The switching element to the storyline was also really fun, I mean it was completely chaotic, especially at the beginning of the film where no one really knew how to control it. But I also really enjoyed watching them learn to control it, seeing them practise switching places while using a skipping rope or throwing a ball was fun too. Then when they do finally learn to control it we get some pretty epic fight scenes.

I think the three characters gel together really well as a team and all play off each other in interesting ways. They are very different personalities but somehow they work really well together and we get some very epic scenes but also some really funny scenes.

Comedy

Ok one thing I really was not expecting was how funny this film was going to be. It really was like tears in your eyes hilarious at points. The singing planet was both funny and really absurd and honestly I loved it. I also found it funny that it was revealed that Carol was in a marriage of convenience with the prince of the planet. Side note I really loved her captain marvel princess dress. But the best, most funny moment has to be the flerkens. When the space station Fury is on suffers some mechanical problems they lose alot of the evacuation vessels and end up with not enough for everyone working there, a titanic without enough lifeboats type situation. That is until Goose saves the day when she becomes a momma to a whole bunch of adorable little Flerken kittens. And cue the utterly absurd but roll on the floor laughing hilarity that ensues when Nick's plan B for getting the workers off the space station is to have the Flerkens eat the workers (to be regurgitated later safe and sound) because its easier to transport a family of 'cats' than hundreds of workers. The sight of those workers running screaming as they are chased down by cute little kittens that swallow them whole whilst a calm voice announces over the intercom 'stop running and allow the flerkens to eat you, you will be fine' as classical music plays in the background, was something I never knew I needed to see but boy am I glad I did, highlight of the Marvel universe right there. But yeah there were some really amusing scenes in this film which I was pleasantly surprised by.

A Good Villain

I personally love a villain where I can understand what is motivating them and where if they weren't annihilating thousands of lives for their goal you might even route for them. It what I think made Gorr such a good villain in love and thunder, I could sympathise with the reasons behind his actions even if I didn't agree with those actions. I think the same can be said for the Villain in this film the new Kree leader Dar-Benn. Yes she is doing truly terrible things, she is ripping holes in space and destroying entire planets but her reason for doing so is one you can understand, her own home is dying because their air is no longer breathable, their water is gone and their sun is all but dead. She wants to save her home by getting the resources she needs for her planet to be healed, she's is even willing to lay down her own life to reach that goal. Her actions are villainous but her motivations are heroic, if that makes sense.

I think Zawe Ashton did a really great job with this character and was both menacing and threatening but also did a good job of showing that desperation she had to save her people and home and also the love she had for them.

End Credit Scenes

OMG THE END CREDITS SCENE!! There here guys they are here, the xmen are in the MCU!! Something you need to know about me, I love love love the Xmen. I know its an unpopular opinion but I actually always preferred the Xmen characters and films to the marvel, I loved all the movies and I also love the fox tv show based on the xmen world The Gifted, my profile picture is of a couple from that show Blink and Thunderbird. So I have been eagerly awaiting the Xmen's arrival into the MCU and they have been teasing us with it for a while, like when in Wandavision they had Evan Peters who played Quicksilver in the Xmen films show up as a 'recast' of Pietro, even though it then turned out to be nothing. They also mentioned in Ms Marvel that Kamala's genes were mutated and we hear the xmen theme play. Also this one might not be anything but two of the actors from The Gifted appeared in The Falcon and The Winter Solider. The character of Joaquin Torres is played by the same actor who plays Wes in The Gifted and the character of Lennox is played by the same actor who plays Bulk in The Gifted, variants maybe? The closest we got was Professor X in Dr Strange. But anyway I was so hyped when I saw that X symbol on the computer scene and then I heard Kelsey Grammer speak and instantly knew it was my beloved Hank McCoy aka Beast. He's one of my favourite characters in the Xmen franchise so I was super excited to see him and he looked great. I also love that right away he's like yup you must be from an alternate timeline which makes me wonder now that I think about if this is the same Beast that went through the events of Days of Future Past, it would make sense as time travelling/ alternate realities would be something he has heard about before from Logan.

Another thing that is interesting and also kind of heartbreaking in that scene is that at first it looks like Maria is there and alive, but when Monica calls her Mum she has no idea who Monica is. I am interested to see where this post credit scene is going to lead and whether Monica will ever be able to make it back from that alternate reality.

Ok so that's all the thoughts I've got on the film right now, as I said I genuinely did enjoy this movie, I think they did a really great job with it, the characters were great, the villain was good and I really enjoyed the plot as well. I would definitely recommend taking a trip to the cinema and checking it out for yourselves. I did watch it in 3D and it was a really good I don't know what they call it, conversion? Well it looks great in 3D. So until next time guys.

[eric-the-bmo]

Hello I saw your tag PLEASE tell me about Annabelle Von Gears she seems right up my alley

OUGIYGH OH BOY LET ME RAMBLE ABOUT MY OC, THIS IS PROBABLY GOING TO BE STRUCTURED HORRIBLY LMAO—

So! Annabelle von Gears is my character for an upcoming homebrew campaign my friend's been wanting to run for about a year; She's put so much work into it, it's fascinating! (So sorry if u weren't expecting ttrpg stuff, but the floodgates have opened, and as a man with a special interest in ttrpgs I'm not going to shut up now—)

In very simple terms, Annabelle is a porcelain warforged/robotic wizard (bladesinger, specifically) who grew tired of her life and runs off to go adventuring. I adore her and this WILL be an infodump under the readmore!!!

[Art by @teefs_art on twitter!]

Augh okay I have no idea if I'll be able to get everything down, especially her thoughts on her family and herself, but here we go-

In terms of personality, I've been keeping it a bit vague; I'd like to have some room to build upon it when we finally play, and I've found it's easier to go off a general vibe.

So: Annabelle, at the start, is really just trying to do her job as a secretary and is very bored over the whole thing. While disruptions in the day can annoy her, she secretly delights in a few of them, because hey- that's another break in monotony, baby! After discovering free will later on, she's a lot more impulsive and upbeat, but still attempts to maintain her air of formality and fanciness. She most likely has a very strong sense of what's considered "fair." Due to Annabelle's upbringing, she'll probably be a bit rude and insensitive to others and their plights at times- and despite her sarcasm, she seems unable to detect it in others?

I definitely need to think more about how to include some knightly traits for her, and yknow, the whole thing of self vs duty, but... eh, yknow. Just vibes so far ☆

Anyway, the fact she's not literally built for a life of adventuring does nothing to dissuade her, btw; she'd rather do this than go back to a boring job.

Fun(?) facts:

Annabelle was based off the idea of "hey, what if a porcelain robot got hurt a lot and had to be fixed up with gold? Wouldn't that be cool or what"

Annabelle has programmed codes! Some of them include not being able to enter certain parts of the Von Gears manor, and being physically unable to harm her father figure (She can certainly try, but it's extremely difficult to break through those instructions)

She can sleep standing up, and yes, this probably will unnerve her party members very much ☆ (She can also stand completely still! More than once she's startled a foreign diplomat by blending in with the various statues and automatons in the manor, and so she's not allowed to go into those rooms anymore lmao)

Annabelle would really like collecting vinyls <3

She has the emblem of her home kingdom painted on her shoulder blades/upper back (it's an eagle with its wings outstretched!)

She can remove her face plate, and getting fixed by an artificer or mechanic is a bit uncomfortable :-/ It's like going to the dentist.

Annabelle is supposed to have a German accent- but I'm unable to do one. 😔

Her favorite term of endearment is to call someone "butterfly"; but so far she exclusively refers to only her sister with it.

She's unable to cry; she's not built with tear ducts! :-(

She's probably got a list full of silly little things to do while adventuring- like sneak into a building, or take part in a bar fight.

Taking heat damage is flavored as such: Her porcelain coverings are actually pretty heat-resistant! However, her insides aren't. It almost acts like an oven... (good luck venturing the kingdom of Helosh, love! ouch)

I'm absolutely going to find out how she can stim with her magic. No one can stop me /lh

And now for her general story: (note: I'm only putting in the most basic information for this. There's so much worldbuilding, but I sadly don't have time to ramble about all that. Again, sorry if this is incoherent, augh)

On the continent of Mysterra, most warforged reside in the country of Tectonica, which is ruled by Warrick von Gears (I forget his exact official title), a warforged who's been around for a very long time- definitely more than 100 years.

Following Mysterra's calendar, in 1835 Warrick decided he wanted a family with his wife Eleanor (also a warforged), and on the 19th of the Month of Talis, he commissioned the construction of Aria as his daughter– Annabelle was then added as a sudden addition. It took a year to complete the both of them, at which point artificial souls were placed inside their chests, and they were taken home to Tectonica's capital of Skysummit.

Despite being awoken at the same time, Annabelle is considered the more mature out of the two- mentally being in her 20s, with Aria being around 12- and primarily functions as Warrick's secretary. She arranged meetings, schedules, etc, and traveled along with him to diplomatic meetings to the capitals of other countries- along the way she picked up how to speak Gnomish and Draconic, as Windberg and Balaur do frequent dealings with Tectonica.

But eventually, she got bored with... well, just about all of it. It all began to seem monotonous, with only traveling for meetings, chess games with Warrick, and the shenanigans of Aria to break it all up. (She cares very much for her sister; it's almost the energy of "If this one favorite coworker wasn't here I would've quit a Long Time Ago" /hj). She wasn't really allowed to leave the estate without permission- and the thought to do so anyway had never occurred to her- so she had to find a few ways to avoid completely losing it.

Despite the fact she was built with a variety of coded spells to ensure self-defense, Annabelle began to study the variety of spellbooks and fiction in the Von Gear estate to stave off her boredom and restlessness- as well as daydreaming, becoming a lover of gossip, practicing swordfighting with some decorative blades hanging up on the wall, etc; all while wondering if something was wrong with her. Because she was built for this job, so surely she shouldn't be dissatisfied, right? [And what's with that strange tugging in her chest sometimes..?] But nothing ever seemed wrong when the mechanics showed up for yearly checks, so she didn't really ever bring it up in conversation to Warrick.

[While she loves the other Von Gears, her discontent with her current life makes her feels separate from them. Combined with her job as a secretary, she tries to be formal towards them and keep a distance– but she makes a few exceptions. She has fun with Aria, and despite her insistence she's really not part of the family, she does participate in family game night, and has accidentally called Warrick "dad" more than once. Anyway...]

And so, in the year of 1842, Annabelle von Gears is still the secretary of Tectonica's ruler— that is, until a famed Artificer is late for his scheduled meeting with Warrick. This catapults the events of the campaign, as well as Annabelle meeting her future party— an artificer searching for her missing father, a barbarian seeking revenge for the destruction of her town, a ranger with the last known dragon egg, and a paladin trying to prevent his kingdom from being destroyed by a volcano.

She’ll be sent by Warrick to join them for a quest, much to her surprise, and will discover that adventuring is just what she needs in her life. She runs off to join them, promising her sister she'll write to her.

Being an impulsive woman once she's discovered she has free will, Annabelle's bound to get into trouble and gain all sorts of scars- and probably a lot of them, since she literally isn't built for adventuring– as well as probably gaining... odd visions? And passing knowledges of skills previously unbeknownst to her? Strange...

While adventuring, Annabelle will occasionally feel guilt for leaving her job and family behind.

And oh, the Reveal! During her journey, Annabelle von Gears will eventually discover the truth that her soul isn't artificial like she was told: She had been a flesh-and-blood person whose soul had been ripped out (either from a living body or the afterlife) and rewired, just like every other warforged.... Which would explain all the odd memories and possibly even her want for adventure- she had been a person before. And surely Warrick must've known this whole time, right? (cue, hopefully, a climactic daughter-father fight)

(There's also an idea the DM and I have where Annabelle encounters the "resurrected" body of who she used to be, possibly leading to the body attempting to kill her so it can get its soul back. We're going to have so much fun with the horror elements)

Anyway augh this was A Lot, thank you for showing interest and allowing me to Ramble ;-;✌️🫶💕

[atwas-meme-ing]

Two questions that I felt were never fully answered in Murder of Sonic:

SPOILERS AHEAD

Who sent out the lore cards, and... what was this about???

Funny that the conductor is asking such a question of Espio, given that Espio is the one who used the air vent to escape through the robot trackway. He would have had to climb the walls to even get to that vent, just as Knuckles did later.

Also, check this out:

Espio- that is, the murderer doesn't need to give his ticket to the conductor? Is that really just a glitch?

(And btw, I checked it myself, and it's true- you DON'T have to get Espio's ticket to proceed. Very interesting....)

Amy states over and over that, even though it's her birthday party, she has no idea what anybody's backstory is, their lore, or who the murderer is. Also, the conductor says that the train company itself hosts these murder mysteries and other events. I believe Rouge also stated later that the train also hosts escape rooms.

So, it's simple: the conductor must have sent out the lore cards. Or someone with the train company did, anyway. At any rate, the conductor knew the plot all along. That's why he doesn't have to collect Espio's ticket- the poet is supposed to be the murderer, and what's a murder mystery without a murderer? Even if Espio didn't have a ticket, they couldn't kick him out and risk ruining the party and making all the guests mad.

BUT, it obviously couldn't have been the conductor who wrote the instruction card, right?

Barry says during the Faberge Chao Egg sequence that the conductor wouldn't have allowed any weapons on the train; BUT, if the train already knew Sonic was coming- and it probably did, since it's such good friends with the conductor, and the conductor certainly knew who his guests were- then the train could have communicated with other badniks to get a blow gun smuggled on board. That instruction card, the one the robot arm gave to Espio, is printed, not handwritten, and we know there's a printer in the lounge. Since the train is confirmed to be sentient, it's entirely conceivable that the train acted on its own to give Espio a blow gun and the instructions to use it.

As for how it knew that Espio would be naive enough to think a blow gun was part of the game- tbh, I think the train just got lucky. Out of all the characters in this particular game, I think the only other one that would be that gullible is Knuckles.

Actually, I would have thought that Knuckles would be the only character that gullible, but given the events of the story, Knuckles just wouldn't have worked as the murderer- he wasn't likely to figure out the secret passage, or even know to look for one. Besides, Knuckles is powerful and hot-headed, but there's no way he could pull off a murder! He doesn't have that kind of heart or mind, he doesn't have the faintest idea how to think like a murderer (soldier, yes; murderer, no). Rouge probably could have figured it out, but she's not dumb enough to use a real blow gun, especially on Sonic, of all people.

Espio, on the other hand- he's a criminal investigator, of course he knows how to pull off a murder. Now, TBH, I sadly don't know Espio's character very well- Forces and Heroes and now TMOSTH, and that's about it. But considering that he's a ninja and an intellectual, I figure he's not really the gullible type- BUT, I would imagine that also means he's not terribly social. Besides, he makes the comment that Vector got bored because Espio wasn't good enough company, because Vector is very social. And while he does seem to like pranking his friends, his taste in jokes seems to have a highly intellectual quality to them (such as speedreading a book JUST so he could spoil the ending for Knux). So I guess it's plausible that Espio might think that putting someone to sleep with a blow gun would be within the normal rules of gameplay.

[luna-alatus]

ᕼEᗩᗪᑕᗩᑎᑎOᑎ

----------------------- Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs Prompt: "Grill me a cheese." "I AM NOT GRILLING YOU A CHEESE-!!" Characters: Dazai Osamu Headcanon: Canon AU, After work things, Friends to lovers..?~ + non-binary reader Small note: Yeah its been a while huh.. missed me? Welp, as a sorry present here ya go~ -Art/Header not mine. PS- I was writin a book on wattpad so I couldn't write much here sorry.. ----------------------- It was the end of the day, finally.. after a long, and hard working day in the Agency. (Y/n) was finally able to go back home, rest up.. and enjoy their relaxation time after their hard work. They were glad though, cause despite the fact doing paperwork was boring as heck sometimes and it does cause their hands to hurt after a while. It was worth it, since now they had an off day tomorrow! Well, it was now definitely worth the pain of having to finish paperwork now. Saying their farewells to the rest of the Agency members, those being Atsushi, Kunikida, Ranpo and Yosano. As the Tanizaki siblings were out and a certain suicidal maniac was no where to be found.. (Y/n) didn't bother to try saying goodbye to them anymore. Besides, the others would inform them in their place. And well for Osamu Dazai's case- the suicidal maniac, well.. they had a gut feeling they were once again trying to commit suicide so- they'll definitely be fine. Sighing softly at the thought of their work partner, the (h/c) agency member merely shook their head and continued their walk back home. Speaking of which.. maybe they should just use their ability.. Ah no, probably not. They're tired anyways. Besides, it was only a few more blocks away from where they were at currently, might as well use the exercise. Anyways, they're ability would slightly alert the normal civilians around them too- so better stay discreet and keep walking. And so they did, granted once they arrived at their apartment they were exhausted, still the exercise was somewhat appreciated. -------- (Y/n) just finished their quick bath, and had already gotten changed in comfortable clothing. It was already like, the late evening or something and well, they were m ore than ready to head to bed. But, they were a bit hungry and they haven't had dinner anyways so. Might as well make a little something, and so they did. It was a simple dish, just some warm noodles, soup, and rice. It was very tasty though despite it being quite simple. After the nice dinner, they had gotten the kitchen cleaned up and made sure everything was back to where they were supposed to be placed. Once that was over with, (Y/n) closed the lights that were on and headed up to their room. Shutting the door behind them and getting in their futon, wearing their socks, and warm jacket first before they got themselves tucked in under the soft blanket. And with that.. their day finally comes to an end. And they fall asleep slowly but surely. .

.

.

.

.

. It was a calm night, truly it was. And well the (h/c) ability user was already in quite the deep sleep. Sadly, a certain suicidal maniac had decided to sneak into their home late at night, using the spare key given to them for EMERGENCY purposes only. Ah well.. it was the Dazai Osamu, what else could you expect from them. As the male made himself at home in their friends home, he had gotten himself his pair of slippers that he'd always wear in here. And looked around the dark home, humming softly as he looked around some more. It seemed like (Y/n) was already asleep.. that can't be, he hasn't even eaten anything yet. Plus, he wants a grilled cheese sandwich. Hm, it was too bad the suicide attempt he tried committing today took him too long to actually get out of once it failed. Ah well.. (Y/n) wouldn't mind!! They loved him for crying out loud! So with that said, and with the decision made. The bandaged-detective went upstairs to head to his friends room to wake up the poor sleeping and unsuspecting victim of his want of a grilled cheese sandwich. -------------- (Y/n) was asleep, oh so soundly asleep.. that was before they were quickly shook awake and tackled down by their bandaged co-worker. "(Y/n)! (Y/n)!!!!!!!!!! (Y/N)!!!!!!!!!!!! Come on wake up please please please!!!!!! I am hungryy!!!!" Dazai continued shaking the poor soul 'till they fully woke up. And with a groan and annoyed sigh from (Y/n) they had glanced at the male who was clinging onto their torso like their life depended on it. "Alright.. alright, alright!!! I am up you idiot! What do you want-?! And fucking get rid of that coat! For crying out loud you smell like a-!" "Cheese." A pause was heard, before (Y/n) who was now fully awake after what they just heard come out of Dazai's mouth.

"Huh..?" "Grill me a cheese." Oh.. so that's what they meant, tch, they had the audacity to wake them up and ask for a grilled cheese sandwich.. in the middle of the night, seriously??!?! "I am not grilling you a cheese." Another pause, honestly (Y/n) hoped they had gotten the hint and was already slowly falling back asleep.. finding their arms to wrapped around their torso to be quite comfortable and warm. Before crying and sobs were heard.. seriously.. this was a grown man. "B-but.. Mmph..." More sad noises. "Wh-..." (Y/n) blinked, seriously.. they had a man child for a co-worker. Then again.. they have been caring for this man child for who knows how long now so, well they were definitely more than used to it by now. "Oh for god's sake." ------------------------ The lights in the kitchen were turned on once again, and sizzling of something cooking on the pan above the stove could be heard. (Y/n) was once again being hugged by the bandaged man child who had asked for the grilled cheese. Their head on top and leaning over on their shoulder as they leaned their head slightly back as they watched the grilled cheese sandwich cook. Dazai's arms were wrapped around their waist tightly, and well, they were smiling happily at both the fact they were hugging (Y/n) and the fact he was finally getting his grilled cheese. "Thank you~ Hm.. you know I love you right (Y/n)?" "I know that bandages, known that since I met you." Smiling at the thought, the male kissed the side of their forehead gently nuzzling their head in between (Y/n)'s neck and shoulder. "Good.. I just wanted to say thank you I suppose, for dealing with me and how I am and all that." (Y/n) gently shut the stove as the now cooked grilled cheese sandwiches were finished and done cooking. Placing them on a plate and putting it on the counter before they responded to the male. "You're welcome, besides.. you deserve it anyways.. a person to care for you. People to care for you, people who you can call friends Osamu. But there is one thing, you aren't acting like your usual self.. you okay?" They had asked this because it was true, Dazai didn't usually act this soft unless something traumatic happened or, well something bad happened. So.. of course it was concerning whenever they acted out of character- not that the character they were showing was any better but.. yeah. "I am perfectly fine, just.. happy to be with you is all.. and thanks for the food. It smells great." (Y/n) merely felt Dazai's head nuzzle closer to them, and with their now free hand. They gently combed through the male's brown locks. "You're welcome." .

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"Right, Dazai?" "Hm..?" "Finish your sandwiches before they get cold will you." "Hehe..~ yes yes, on it." ______________________ Note: Thanks for reading~ And yes I got this from that 'grilled cheese' audio from titkok- Pft- hope ya enjoyed the fluff!

[pigeonpeach]

Teyvat Cat Dad continued!

No cw just wholesome cat loving fluff!

Al haitham + Kaveh

Al Haitham saw no use in pets, he doesn’t like change like that. But they ended up with a mouse infestation and Tighnari recommended picking up a cat. Immediately Kaveh was delighted and picked up the first stray he could to pamper.

Once a stray cat now a spoilt little princess, Petal is a tortoise shell who is living the absolute high life. With her presence the mouse problem quickly ended and she was left with a life of comfort. Still she finds something to complain about. She is a very loud kitty. She’s figured out Al haitham has sound proof headphones so rather than scream at him she jumps onto his lap often putting herself between him and his book. Lucky he isn’t too upset with it as he finds her amusing. She’s learned that Kaveh is rather weak to her, if she meows sadly enough he’ll let her have another dinner. So now Al haitham has a food calendar to establish if she’s been fed. She is not happy with this.

She is VERY food motivated. Often she has to be locked away while they cook. Otherwise she’ll clamor onto the counter and guilt trip kaveh into feeding her. When she isn’t inflicting chaos she’s often sleeping alot! She loves to sleep in patches of sunlight reflecting from the windows, or on Al haitham’s lap as he reads. She sometimes follows Kaveh around when she’s bored because his clothes make a good toy to swat at. He lets her as long as she doesn’t damage anything.

Arlecchino

While yes she is already a cannon cat dad with Lynette and possibly Lyney, its not uncommon for the children of he Hearth to sneak in a stray kitty. Its quite beneficial actually, the cats are good for motivation and mouse control. But strangely most cats flock to Arlecchino for affection. Rarely is she without a kitty in the room. The ones who are most commonly seen around her is Biscuit, a brown tabby that was originally supposed to be Lyney’s cat but it’s basically hers now. It follows her around like a loyal servant. It even brings her mice its killed to receive pats and treats as a reward. Some joke that its like the kitty is a agent too. And surprisingly it is? When someone snuck in the cat immediately made a fuss waking up the other children. As a result the kitty was given a luxurious meal and nice cuddle session.

Arlecchino herself isn’t complaining about Biscuits fondness of her. She finds her company delightful after stressful scenarios and late night paper work. She’s very much the ‘ reluctant father who ended up being the cat’s favorite’. Commonly Biscuit acts like she’s her pillow as she frequently snuggles up to her. Definitely a very brave kitty.

Kamisato Ayato

Similar to Arlecchino despite him not trying to, he is a cat magnet. When Ayaka received s cat she was delighted. Only for said kitty to become enamored with Ayato. Often rubbing against him and meowing for love. It was quite funny to him. He barely does much to the kitty besides a few pets. Thoma has tried to deter the kitty as to not bother him, but the kitty is persistent. Hime is a delightful little calico. She is a adorable little critter who easily sways the staff to give her treats and food. And she easily sneaks into Ayato’s office to sleep beside him as he works. In the end Ayato ended up buying another cat for Ayaka in hopes this one would prefer her, this being Haru another Calico… who also ended up drawn to ayato too… he has since accepted his fate as a cat magnet.

Despite his words about the situation he actually doesn’t mind. Initially he thought of cats as disloyal or too independent but its clear that’s not the rule when it comes to cats. The cats provide him with much needed relief when it comes to work and often are amusing in their mischief. Haru for one has a habit of rolling in the sand gardens outside making the maids redo the lines. And Hime is apparently a scam artist as she used to catch lots of mice but sometimes brings in her toy mice for rewards.

Its a much needed distraction in his busy life

[louisironson]

tv asks: Frasier, Seinfeld, MASH

all righty here we go!

Frasier

favorite character: niles and lilith are honestly tied, which is pretty impressive given that niles is in almost every episode and lilith shows up once a season max

funniest character: once again i have to give it to niles just because dhp’s sense of delivery and physical comedy is unmatched

best-looking character: ROZ AND LILITH don’t make me choose

3 favorite ships: niles/daphne forever obviouslyyyy, i can always go for roz/lilith, and just for fun frasier/cam winston they’re goofy

least favorite character: gertrude moon. let’s be honest daphne’s whole extended family. side note isn’t it wild that daphne’s dad is brian cox

least favorite ship: frasier/roz is just so boring to me. the show got it right they fuck once and go “huh nope never again”

reason why i watch it: i really do find it to be a smart and engaging show! it’s well-regarded for a reason and it’s because all of the writers very clearly were dedicated to their craft. shout out joe keenan ily joe keenan

why i started watching it: i like watching gay episodes of older shows and it turns out i really, really liked the matchmaker, and i just kept watching it, then ski lodge, then the doctor is out, and finally i said to myself “i should just be watching this whole show actually”. and i was right

Seinfeld

favorite character: i think i have to go with george on this one his specific brand of Being just rings so true. he sucks he’s doodoo and it’s very fun

funniest character: probably george again. he just hits my funny bone idk what to tell you

best-looking character: elaine! have you seen her.

3 favorite ships: the idea of having “ships” for this show full of the worst people in the worst relationships is a little laughable but george/any man is funny enough for me to consider

least favorite character: this one’s tough because most of the annoying characters are one-offs and so you don’t have time to resent their presence; they’re purely functional. sometimes they lean a little hard with newman

least favorite ship: the inverse of george/any man, which is of course jerry/any woman. he doesn’t deserve any of them, and i’m including elaine

reason why i watch it: i love shows full of people who suck and seinfeld got that shit right in an era where we were supposed to like our tv leads a lot more. for a show that’s hailed as being “about nothing” it’s somehow both mundane and full of plots that you could not get anywhere else. every time i think about the junior mint i just go. what the fuck.

why i started watching it: seinfeld is my one of my dad’s special interests so i was indoctrinated young

M*A*S*H

favorite character: benjamin franklin “hawkeye” pierce has quickly worked his way into my heart

funniest character: hawkeye again but tbh honorable mention to frank because something about him is just so stupid and goofy and it’s really hitting me lately. aw nertz you know

best-looking character: what was the one episode with radar and like the nurse who liked bach. i seem to remember her being exactly my type lol. and margaret

3 favorite ships: hawkeye really does need to fuck men. for enrichment. hunnihawk is classic, as is piercintyre, and my eyes have been opened to hawkeye/sidney. i wish i could talk about more women but i don’t want margaret to have to deal with any of these men and i haven’t met helen whitfield yet so i can’t speak to her. and there are sadly not nearly as many women on this show. its biggest flaw i’d say

least favorite character: i really don’t have one in mind they all generally work very effectively. i suppose that i think flagg is less fun to hate than, say, frank, but they serve very different purposes so i don’t mind that i react to them differently—flagg is recurring, not a regular, so it’s right that he’s best in small doses. is this enough of an answer

least favorite ship: cannot get behind hawkeye/radar. that’s literally his aunt you guys

reason why i watch it: i feel like it’s boring that i keep answering “it’s a really good and compelling piece of television” but why do you watch tv shows. because they’re good and you like them. that and i do suppose i like to see how gay of a sentence hawkeye can say without being questioned. (CAPTAIN SODOM??)

why i started watching it: it’s a classic of all classics. i’ve been on a real 70s sitcom kick and for whatever reason i was watching ones that were far far worse than mash and i was like i could be watching mash. so i did