#its also my excuse to just write a more darker tone | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

imagine-you · 6 months

Text

Don't Blame Me (1/3) [Billy Hargrove/Reader; eventual Eddie Munson/Reader; Billy Hargrove/Reader/Eddie Munson]

Summary: One boyfriend clawing his way free from the clutches of the Upside Down once it decided to unleash its own brand of hell on Hawkins was a miracle you weren't sure you entirely deserved. When another previously dead boyfriend shows up on your doorstep and throws your whole world into chaos, you start to wonder if it's a blessing or a curse. You're terrified you'll have to choose between your first love and the guy who saved you from yourself, but will that turn out to be the least of your worries? As word begins to spread around town of a masked killer draining Hawkins residents of their blood, you realize you're a lot closer to danger than you've ever been before, but maybe, just this once, it's not such a bad thing after all. Word Count: 6.3k Author's Notes: Somehow, this was born out of an obsession with Don't Blame Me by Taylor Swift and a need to write a darker fic. I wrote the ghostface fic last year for Halloween along with a demon!Billy and vampire!Eddie fic…and somehow they're all meshing together to create one big fucked up Halloween fic this year. I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing at this point, but uhhhhh enjoy my insanity??

Read on AO3

"Don't blame me," were the first words Billy Hargrove ever said to you. It was quickly followed by: "It's the freak's fault."

"Oh, forgive me for walking," Eddie Munson said in a mocking tone, holding his hands up in surrender. "Blame Mr. Mullethead over here for being too cool to look where he's going," Eddie sneered at Billy.

At that point in time, you didn't really care whose fault it was. You were only concerned about the fact that your shirt was now covered in soda and you were either going to have to go home or suffer through the rest of the day with a soaked shirt. "Shit," you sighed, realizing you were just going to have to go home. You would have to make up a test, but you were starting not to care. After a day that had started off with a stubbed toe, a burned finger, and now a sticky shirt, you would rather just suffer through the rest of the day from the comfort of your own bedroom. "Whatever," you dismissed. "Just another reason I should get the fuck out of here."

You turned, not bothering to spare a second look for the other two, before making a break for the cafeteria doors.

"Shit," you heard someone mutter before footsteps took off in your direction. You refused to look back to see which of the two dickheads who had spilled soda all over you was behind you, prompting the guy to huff in irritation. "Just, damn it, would you hold on a second? Where the hell are you going?"

"Home," you snapped, allowing yourself a brief moment to glance over your shoulder to confirm that Billy Hargrove was in fact following you.

"You don't even have a car," Billy pointed out, surprising you. Today was the first day you exchanged anything resembling a conversation with Billy and you had just been living with the assumption that he had no idea you existed. "What are you gonna do? Walk home?"

"Maybe," you answered, quickening your pace in an attempt to get rid of Billy. You were cold and pissed off and you wanted nothing more than to just pull on a pair of pajamas and crawl into bed. "Why are you still following me?" You asked when you realized he hadn't taken the hint that you wanted him to get lost.

"Look, will you stop being so damn stubborn and just talk to me for a second?"

You reluctantly turned to face Billy, abruptly stopping him in his tracks. "Okay. What do you want?"

"I'm not exactly taking the blame or anything here," Billy started, hastily reaching out to grab your backpack and sling it over his shoulder, "but the least I can do is give you a ride home."

You studied him for a moment, half-sure he was only offering because he wanted an excuse to cut class. You also got the feeling that he was going to hold your backpack hostage until you agreed. It didn't take long for you to realize you didn't care about Billy’s motives as long as his offer worked out for the both of you. If you didn't have to walk home, then all the better. "Fine," you finally conceded with a shrug of your shoulders. You stepped to the side, gesturing for Billy to walk by you. "Lead the way, then."

He watched you for a moment as if he thought you might turn and run the second he had his back to you. Finally, after a few more seconds of deliberation, Billy turned and started walking. You followed him, not entirely sure if you were making the right decision. You also couldn't stop your gaze from drifting, taking in the so-called 'fantastic ass' most of the girls had been going on about since Billy Hargrove showed up at the beginning of the year. You were forced to look away when Billy stopped at the doors leading out to the parking lot. He pushed open one of them, beckoning for you to pass him.

"Such a gentleman," you told him as you walked outside, catching the faint smirk on his face.

"Yeah, well, it had to happen sometime," he drawled as he followed you. "It's that one over there," he told you, directing you towards his Camaro with a hand on the small of your back.

"I know," you pointed out with an amused smile in his direction. "You're not as subtle as you think."

"Well, she's the best thing to ever happen to me," Billy admitted with a shrug of his shoulders. "Why not show her off a little? She deserves it."

"She does," you agreed, smiling at the way Billy tried and failed not to light up at your praise. "She is really beautiful."

"Damn right she is," Billy purred, satisfaction bleeding through into his tone. When you looked up at him, you expected to see him gazing at his beloved car in adoration, but instead, he was watching you. You felt your cheeks flush, trying to hide the fact that you were feeling flustered from his attention. Billy was a notorious flirt and you didn't want to be like every other girl who had fallen prey to his charm.

"Ready to go?" You asked, lamely trying to shift the focus of the conversation. "I'm freezing."

"Shit, yeah, we should get you out of those wet clothes," Billy said, moving to open the passenger side door of his car for you. You didn't miss the hint of suggestion in his voice, but if you were going to survive even just five minutes alone in a car with Billy Hargrove, then you were just going to have to ignore it.

Once Billy pulled out of the school parking lot, you started offering him directions towards your house.

"So," you started, once Billy hit the long stretch of road that would lead to your house. "Graduation is coming up in a couple months."

"Yeah? What about it?" Billy's tone didn't waver, but from the way he started tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, you got the feeling that talking about graduation made him nervous.

"Nothing," you said, shrugging your shoulders. "Just wondering what you've got planned after it's all over."

Billy snorted, the sound half amused and half derisive. "I'm just trying to get to graduation. Haven't thought much about what comes after."

"Well," you started, not even sure where you were going with your sentence. You frowned thoughtfully out the window, trying to think of something to say, but accidentally letting silence fall over the car.

"Well?" Billy prompted with a glance at you. "There anything after that or you forget how to talk?"

You rolled your eyes, a reluctant grin pulling at your lips. "Maybe," you answered, refusing to admit that you were so nervous you didn't know how to talk to him. Billy was cool and suave and had all the girls at school in a chokehold. When you woke up that morning, you didn't expect to say two words to him, much less find yourself in his car and expected to keep up a conversation.

"Why do you walk to school every day?" Billy broke the silence, finally taking pity on you.

"I'm a senior in high school," you pointed out with a shrug of your shoulders. "I can't afford a car and I’m sure as hell not asking my mom to help me get one. And I’ll just feel really pathetic if I'm seen riding the bus, so I might as well take my only other option."

“What about your dad? He some kind of deadbeat or something? Can’t help his kid get a car?”

You snorted, not able to help the noise of contempt you made. “You could say that,” you answered. “He split a few years back and we haven’t heard from him since.”

“Sounds like a real piece of shit,” Billy observed with a frown.

“Yeah,” you sighed. “So, no car and no bus means I’ve got to walk. At least it’s just for a few more months. Once I graduate, I can get a job and figure all that shit out.”

"Well," Billy started, squinting his eyes at the road ahead, lost in thought.

"Well?" You mocked, drawing a surprised laugh from Billy.

"I could just drive you to school," he offered, shooting you a brief, searching look. "Wouldn't even make you chip in for gas money or anything."

"Why?" You couldn't help but wonder. Billy didn't seem like the kind of guy to dole out charity rides in his beloved car. "What's in it for you?"

"Just seems a shame, is all," he told you. "Someone like you freezing her ass off every day. Besides, it'll give us a chance to get to know each other a little better."

You let out an incredulous laugh, not sure how your life had gotten so spun around in just the matter of a few hours. "And you want to get to know me better?"

"I do," Billy responded with a nod of his head. "So, what do you think?" He asked as he pulled to a stop in front of your house. "You in?"

You knew immediately the answer you wanted to give, but you stopped yourself before you could say anything. It was crazy, right? You weren't supposed to accept rides from strangers, but Billy didn't feel strange to you. You didn't know him all that well, sure, but like he pointed out, you could always get to know him a bit better. There probably wasn't any harm in that. "Sure," you finally agreed, flashing him a grin. "I'm in."

There was a part of you that thought maybe Billy was just kidding around when he offered to drive you to school. Maybe it was his idea of a joke or a way to get under your skin, but he managed to surprise you when you stepped outside the next morning, and he was there waiting in your driveway. "Shit," you muttered as you turned to lock your front door. "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

You settled into a surprisingly easy pattern with Billy over the next few weeks. He picked you up, told you to ignore his stepsister in the backseat, and cranked up his music so loud that you could barely think. Half the time, you were able to actually hold some semblance of a conversation with either Billy or Max, but never both at the same time. It wasn't hard to figure out that they didn't exactly get along, but you weren't sure how to fix it. You probably shouldn't feel the need to fix it in the first place, but that was just who you were. You couldn't fix your own problems half the time, so why not try to fix everyone else's?

You forced yourself to keep your mouth shut, though. Billy rarely allowed you to see a different side to him than his usual cool demeanor, but when it was just the two of you in his car, he started to unwind just the tiniest bit. It started off slowly from singing along to the radio under his breath or nodding his head along to the music to letting slip bits and pieces of his life pre-Hawkins and talking about his plans for the future. They were all moments that you filed away to examine later, because you knew that if Billy knew just how much it meant to you that he was starting to let you in, then he would shut you out.

It didn't take long for you to realize Billy Hargrove was a broken person. He did his best to hide who he really was from everyone at school, but you were no stranger to suffering in silence. There was pain in his eyes every time he looked at you and you wanted nothing more than to heal him.

You thought that more than anything, maybe he just needed a friend. He needed someone to genuinely care about him, because he didn't seem to have anyone. His mom wasn't in the picture and from the way Billy spoke about him, it sounded like his father was a complete jackass. Max didn't seem fond of Billy and you were sure his stepmom felt the same way. He had fans, not friends, at school and enemies he made with every biting, sarcastic comment.

So, yeah, you could be his friend. It wasn't all that much of a hardship, because once Billy started to allow his walls to come down around you, you came to the startling conclusion that you genuinely liked him.

By the time spring break rolled around, you realized you were going to miss seeing Billy every day at school. You shouldn't have worried, though, because that Monday afternoon you were roused from your bed by the sound of someone honking a car horn from your driveway. "Fuck," you groaned, knowing there was only one person who was capable of annoying you out of bed during spring break.

You rushed to pull on the pair of jeans you had left on your floor the day before and tried to make sure you didn't look like a complete mess as you passed your vanity mirror. By the time you made it outside, Billy had started keeping up a steady rhythm with the car horn, only stopping once he noticed you.

"What the hell are you doing?" You asked once you were in his passenger seat. “You’re lucky my mom is at work or she would’ve called the cops on you.”

"Just thought we could do something," he offered with a shrug of his shoulders. "Beats you moping around your house all day because you miss my face."

“You caught me,” you drawled, putting a hand to your chest. “The pictures all over my room weren’t enough. I just had to get a glimpse of the real thing.”

“I knew it!” Billy crowed with a delighted laugh. “What do you say, then? Wanna get out of here?”

"Okay," you agreed with a nod of your head. "So, what'd you have in mind?"

You ended up going for a burger and fries that day and to the movies on Wednesday. You dragged Billy to the arcade on Thursday and let him take you to the quarry on Saturday. He seemed to content to simply throw rocks into the water and smoke through half a pack of cigarettes, all the while letting you ramble on about everything you needed to do before you graduated.

Billy took a drag before he shook his head. "You worry too much," he sighed, shooting you an annoyed look. "You're gonna graduate and go off to school and land some job making a bunch of money. You'll get out of here and forget about all this bullshit," he told you, waving his cigarette in the air as he gestured towards the town.

There was a hint of melancholy in his tone that told you that what Billy was really worried about was that you would forget him. "Fuck that," you found yourself saying, moving until you could stand at his side. "We are going to graduate and get summer jobs. Then we'll get an apartment, because who would be better roommates than us, right? And then we'll figure it out from there. But I'm not gonna just forget about you. You're stuck with me," you told him, delighting in the rare, pleased smile that tugged at his lips.

"Sounds like a plan," he agreed, briefly bumping his shoulder against yours before taking another drag from his cigarette. "A fucking stupid plan on your part, but it works for me."

"Good," you told him. "Now, let's go get something to eat. I'm starving."

After spring break, your routine with Billy changed. Instead of dropping you off at your house first, he chose to get Max home before driving out to a local burger joint. You paid just as often as Billy did, letting him know you were just as invested in your friendship as he was and you weren’t looking to take advantage of him. Billy seemed to think it was stupid, but you didn’t care.

By the time summer was on the horizon, Billy had firmly cemented himself into your life as your best friend. There was no doubt in your mind that the bond you shared with him was special, and in a roundabout way, you had Eddie Munson and his clumsiness to thank for that.

You depended on Billy to get you through the day and you looked forward to whatever scathing comments he had to make about his day or fellow classmates and teachers. You couldn't wait to hear him sing along to Billy Idol or Bon Jovi, growing bolder each day and letting himself unwind around you. You loved the sound of his laugh and the way his eyes lit up when he got you to sing along to the radio with him. You found yourself talking more about your future together and which apartments around town you might be able to afford as senior year came to an end.

You didn't even realize how much your feelings for Billy had evolved until you were leaving school one day in late May.

You walked outside, shielding your eyes against the sun, before scanning the parking lot. When you saw him, it felt like someone punched you in the gut. Billy was leaning up against his car, waiting for you to find him. It was usual and routine, but the second your eyes met his across the parking lot, a terrifying feeling poured through you. You felt like someone had just tipped your world to the side. Your breath left you all in one rush as you scrambled to pin down what was so different about this time. It took you entirely too long to realize what had stopped you in your tracks.

Want.

You wanted Billy. It felt all-consuming, causing your mind to spin in a dozen different directions.

You wanted Billy to take your hand and press a kiss to your lips. You wanted to sneak him through your bedroom window so he could hold you close all night long. You wanted more than dinners and movies and shared laughter. You wanted a next step and a next, until both of your lives were so inextricably joined that there was no question that wherever one of you went, the other would follow.

You knew you probably looked like you were having a meltdown when his expression morphed from one of expectation to one of concern. You forced yourself to take a deep, albeit shaky, breath and put one foot in front of the other until you were standing in front of him.

"Hey," you made yourself say. "Ready to go?"

Billy squinted at you before looking you up and down. "You doing alright? You looked like you weren't sure if you wanted to come over here. Did something happen?"

"What? No!" You scoffed, turning away from him so he wouldn’t see you trying to school your expression into something that didn’t make you look like a lovestruck idiot. "Of course I wanted to come over here. With you," you added, wincing at your own ineptitude.

"Okay," Billy finally allowed, drawing out the word. "Get in," he said, gesturing for you to climb into the passenger seat.

Once you were aware of your feelings for Billy, it seemed to be all you could think about. It wasn't even when you were around him, either. Lying in bed at night, you wished he was there with you. Every little mundane act of your life felt like it would be made completely better if Billy was just there with you and you weren't sure how long you could go on hiding what you wanted from him.

"So," Billy started on the last Friday of your senior year. "Want to go out for dinner tomorrow? Celebrate our impending freedom?"

"Sounds good," you agreed, staring out the passenger side window. Every time Billy asked you to hang out, you felt a little thrill shoot through you. What did it mean? Was it just as friends or was he also just trying to find ways to spend more time with you? You tried not to get your hopes up, because you didn’t want to ruin your friendship with Billy, but you couldn’t stop yourself from contemplating all the possibilities. "Burgers?" You suggested with a quick look at him.

"Nah," Billy answered, pulling to a stop in front of your house. "I've got something else in mind. Be ready by seven," he ordered.

You weren't sure what you were expecting, but Billy bringing you to one of the best Italian places within a twenty-mile radius of Hawkins wasn't it.

"What are we doing here?" You couldn't help but ask, hoping he wouldn't find offense in the question. By ‘something else,’ you had assumed Billy maybe meant going out for pizza, but the restaurant you were staring up at looked so far out of your usual price range that you weren’t even sure how either of you could afford it.

"Just thought we could try something new," Billy answered with a shrug of his shoulders.

When you looked at him, you noticed that he was wearing a pair of jeans without any holes or rips in the knees. His shirt was buttoned up and his bomber jacket was nowhere in sight. You weren't sure why Billy dressing up made you feel nervous, but you were suddenly aware of how clammy your hands felt.

"Wait there a second," Billy told you before he got out of his car. He rounded the hood before pulling the passenger door open, gesturing for you to get out.

Billy led you inside the restaurant, informing the maître d’ that he had a reservation for Hargrove. A waiter led you back to a table and Billy pulled a chair out for you, gesturing for you to sit down. You could feel your cheeks flush and you weren't sure if you looked as unsure as you felt, but once it was just the two of you at the table, you started to feel like everything would be okay. You were back on sure footing, because this was just a regular dinner with Billy, right? He was only going all out because he wanted to celebrate the fact that you were both about to finish high school.

It wasn't until Billy slid a menu over towards you that it all finally started to click into place for you.

"Order whatever you want, okay? I'm buying." There was a waver to his voice that had you flicking your gaze up from the menu to look at him.

You studied Billy for a moment, trying to figure out why the hell he sounded so nervous, when you got it.

"Is this a date?" You blurted with a startled look at Billy.

Billy rolled his eyes before shaking his head in fake dismay. "I thought you were the smart one, y'know? It took you long enough to figure it out. Thought you would've got it when I took you here instead of Burger Barn for the fiftieth time."

You weren't sure how to react for a moment, trying and failing to process the fact that you were on a date with your best friend, before the rest of his words sunk in. You let out a disbelieving laugh before grabbing a breadstick from the basket in the middle of the table. You ripped it in two before throwing half at Billy. He let out a thrilled, shocked laugh before he picked up the breadstick and pointedly took a bite out of it.

You weren't the kind for flowery bits of prose to describe your every waking moment. You would never be described as dreamy or wistful, but you couldn't deny that your first date with Billy felt entirely and completely magical.

By the time he was dropping you off at home, you realized you never wanted it to end. You hesitated before getting out of the car, shooting Billy an unsure look. Finally, you worked up all your courage and kissed him. Billy froze the moment your lips touched his and you were briefly worried that you had gone too fast. You shouldn't have been scared, though, because Billy suddenly jolted against you, as if springing to life, before his hand was in your hair and guiding you closer towards him.

By the time you pulled away, you had missed your curfew by ten minutes and you couldn't help the urge to go for broke.

"Wanna come up? I can sneak you in."

"What if your mom finds out? She'll kill us."

You shrugged your shoulders, helpless against the grin you shot him. "Let's risk it anyway."

Billy's laugh was more than enough incentive to carry through with your plan.

That night proved to you what you had known all along. Billy really did belong at your side, in your bed, holding you close. It was even better than you expected and you hoped the tiny flame of warmth lighting you up from the inside never died out.

You snuck Billy into your room every night until graduation. Your mom already knew how you felt about Billy and while she was never going to be happy about anyone stealing her only kid away, she supported your plan to move in with Billy over the summer. Her graduation gift to you was to pay for your deposit on an apartment, which meant that you were able to find a place with Billy by the time he took a job as a lifeguard at the Hawkins community pool.

You took a job at Bradley’s Big Buy, since you only had your meager savings to rely on. It wasn't the most glamorous of jobs, but it would help you pay rent while you took classes at Hawkins Community College.

That June was shaping up to be one of the best months of your entire life. To anyone else, it might seem mundane and boring, but you didn't care. Every day, you got to wake up next to Billy in the bed you shared before getting up and making breakfast. Trading early morning kisses before leaving for classes got you through the day until Billy picked you up after your shift at the store. By the time you were crawling into bed, you felt satisfied and fulfilled, knowing you were falling asleep next to your best friend just to wake up with his arm around your waist the next morning, set to go through it all again.

You were so used to the routine you set with Billy that you felt bereft when it was abruptly broken.

It started for you when Billy didn't bother to pick you up from Bradley's after your shift. You were worried something happened to him, but you hoped that maybe he had simply fallen asleep on the couch after his shift at the pool. You had to call your mom to give you a ride home, since you didn't feel comfortable walking home alone at night.

When you didn't spot the Camaro in your designated parking spot at the complex, you started fearing the worst. You knew Billy wouldn't just not come home. Something bad had happened to him and you didn't have the first clue about what to do to find him.

Your options were limited, but you finally got your mom to let you borrow her car so you could drive around Hawkins and look for Billy. You didn't find him that night and you didn't find him the next night. You checked with every hospital in a fifty-mile radius, but there wasn't anyone admitted fitting Billy's description.

You finally tracked him down two days after he went missing from your life at the city pool. You knew there was something wrong with him when you caught sight of him sitting in the lifeguard chair wearing a sweatshirt. There was no way that Billy could be cold, and even when he was, he wasn't the type to cover up. He would never actually admit it to anyone, but you knew he liked to show off his physique. He worked hard for it and while you never wanted to begrudge him anything he wanted, the wandering eyes of Hawkins housewives bothered you. To see him covered up and hunched in on himself, gloomily sipping an Icee was just downright bizarre and completely out of character for him.

"Billy," you called, walking up to him. You noticed his shoulders tense before he tipped his head down to stare at you.

"What?" he asked, his tone cold and detached.

"What do you mean 'what'? Where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick thinking you were dead in a ditch somewhere!" You weren’t sure whether to feel angry that he was being so flippant about his sudden absence from your life or relieved that he was alive.

"Around," he answered, casting his gaze up towards the sky. "Taking care of some things."

"Billy," you started, not sure how to continue. "Come home," you finally made yourself say. "Whatever this is or whatever happened, we'll figure it out, alright? Just come home," you begged, hating how your voice cracked on the word 'home.' Your home wasn't much of a home without Billy. You missed hearing his laugh and seeing how crazy his hair was every morning. You missed feeling his warmth in your bed next to you and the way he hummed whatever tune he had stuck in his head while he cooked breakfast. You missed his touch and his kisses and everything about him.

Billy let out a chuckle that sent a shiver down your spine. You knew it was probably crazy, but it sounded nothing like Billy. You suddenly felt like you were talking to a complete stranger. "There's nothing to figure out. I got bored, so I left.

"Bored," you repeated, trying to make sense of the word. "You got bored." It was like a switch had flipped and your whole world was turned upside down. You had always feared that Billy would get tired of domestic life with you, but you never once thought it would actually happen.

"Bored," Billy drawled with a nod of his head. "So, fuck off. And don't bother me again," he added, almost as an afterthought.

You wanted to yell and scream and try to get Billy to make some kind of sense, but you could feel tears beginning to sting your eyes and you didn't want to cry in front of him. "Fuck you," you snarled before turning away. You felt like you couldn't breathe as you walked away from him, every step taking you away from him another punch to your gut.

You were trying to figure out if it was worth it to walk home or if you should find a payphone to try to get in touch with your mom when you heard someone call your name.

You were surprised to see Max approaching you. "Are you okay? Did Billy--," she cut herself off, searching your expression with worry. "Did Billy hurt you?"

"You could say that," you scoffed, attempting to hide the pain you felt, but unable to stop the tears slipping down your face. "I think we broke up."

"Y/N," Max said, moving closer to you. "I don't think Billy's himself right now," she explained, her brow furrowing in concern. "But we're gonna try to fix it, okay? Just maybe steer clear of him until it's over."

"What? Until what's over? Max!" You called as she walked away from you. You saw Max rejoin her friends, all of them huddled by the fence that surrounded the pool. You had no idea what the hell was going on, but Max's words brought you just the tiniest bit of hope. Maybe you hadn't lost Billy after all. Maybe it was all just a big misunderstanding.

You continued to go about your life as much as you could despite the fact that Billy hadn't come home yet. The whole town was excited about the big Fourth of July celebration, but you couldn't have cared less. That was why you were at the store while most of the town was celebrating. You liked hanging out in the back room while the store was closed. It was better than going back to an empty apartment at any rate. Your boss was fine with it as long as you remembered to lock up and didn't make a mess, so you compensated him for his generosity by making sure the store looked perfect by the time it opened the next morning.

You weren't expecting to see anyone for the rest of the night, so you were surprised when a car pulled into the lot. You were ready to tell whoever it was that the store was closed, but when you noticed Max getting out of the car, helping an injured girl out of the back, you found yourself unlocking the door instead.

"Max? What the hell's going on?"

"We needed some supplies," she said, nodding towards the injured girl. "A lot of them."

You had no idea what was going on, but if Max was involved, then you wanted to help. "Take whatever you need," you told her, gesturing for her and the rest of the group to enter the store. “Just don’t make a mess, alright?”

You weren't quite sure why Max was hanging out with Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers or why they all seemed like they were traumatized out of their minds. You knew you would be in for a world of trouble the next time inventory was taken, but you didn't care. There was a feeling in your gut that told you whatever had spooked the others had something to do with Billy. So, while they loaded up the car with fireworks and medical supplies, you calmly locked up the store and turned to face Max.

"I'm coming with you."

"What? Y/N, no, you can't. It’s not safe," Max tried to dissuade you. She shared a panicked look with Lucas Sinclair before looking back at you.

"I can," you told her, knowing you weren't about to be left behind. "Whatever's going on, I can help. I can’t just sit here all night wondering if you’re okay. I’m going with you."

"You really shouldn't," Dustin Henderson chimed in with a frown. “You’ve got no idea what you’re throwing yourself into.”

"I don’t care,” you dismissed with a shake of your head. “Look, I'm not staying behind while you all run off into danger. I've already let you steal from my job. Just let me do this.”

"Get in," Nancy told you, ignoring Max’s noise of protest. “We’re wasting time arguing.”

“Just...,” Max trailed off, shooting you an uncertain look. “Just try to keep an open mind. I promise you’re not going crazy.”

Those words would prove to haunt you, because what you experienced next felt like a complete and total shredding of your sanity.

Your night descended into complete chaos. Hiding from a gargantuan, fleshy monster was one thing, but seeing Billy attempt to run Nancy over with his precious Camaro while she attempted to shoot him was a completely different one. You didn’t even get to see if Billy was okay after someone crashed into his car because you were being yanked into a car by Steve 'The Hair' Harrington before you could be killed by the monster that was terrorizing the mall.

None of it made sense and despite getting a brief rundown on the Upside Down and a girl with superpowers and the monster that had infected your boyfriend and numerous other people around Hawkins, you still couldn’t wrap your head around how the night ended.

Because there was no way in hell it was real. You could accept that everything else was possible, but seeing Billy slump to the floor, bleeding and broken, was the one thing you couldn’t believe.

"Billy!" You cried, rushing forward, hardly caring about the monster that was still standing. All you could see was the pain and agony on Billy's face as he fell. You pulled him into your arms, your hand shaking as you attempted to wipe the blood from his face. But it wasn't even really blood. It was black and viscous, sticking to your hand as you met Billy's eyes. He looked so lost and terrified that you couldn't help the sob of anguish that escaped your mouth at the sight of him. "Don't leave me," you begged him. "Stay with me, alright? We'll get you help. We’ll fix this."

"Sorry," Billy gasped, his body convulsing in your hold. "I'm sorry," he said, his eyes tracking from you to someone standing over your shoulder. He looked to you again, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "Should've--," he started, before he cut himself off, coughing up a mouthful of clotted blood. "Love you," he got out with a gasp. "Love...," he trailed off before his eyes closed, leaving you clutching him tight, fighting the urge to shake him and demand he open his eyes.

"Billy? Billy!" Max yelled before falling to her knees beside you. "Billy, get up. Get up!" She demanded, putting her hand on his shoulder. "We need you," Max tried, tears beginning to stream down her face. "I need you. Y/N needs you!" She pleaded, meeting your eyes. "What do we do?"

But there wasn’t anything you could do. Billy wasn’t moving and he wasn’t breathing and he wasn’t alive.

Billy wasn’t alive.

You felt like you couldn't breathe and there was something clawing up your throat, begging to break free. It felt like it was going to split you apart and you desperately clung to Billy’s body as you lost your fight against it.

It wasn't until later when you were sitting in the back of an ambulance with a blanket wrapped around your shoulders that you realized what it was.

A scream.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #billy hargrove x reader x eddie munson #don't blame me fic #stranger things #stranger things imagine #billy hargrove imagine #eddie munson imagine #reader insert #my fic

167 notes · View notes

tenns-secret-night · 1 month

Text

Sweet Dreams, Sweet Night.

Ramuda x M!Reader x Gentaro

A/N: Inspired by this art because I’m going FERAL. I may rewrite this later with Dice if I ever figure out how to write him bc I also love him.

Genre: Fluff, Mentions of spice but nothing happens, Mild Hurt/Comfort if you squint, Ramuda Lore spoilers if you squint

Characters: Gentaro Yumeno, Ramuda Amemura

Warnings: They sleep in the nude, mentions of explicit topics. All fluff but still.

It wasn’t hard to feel out of place with your lovers sometimes.

They had been together before you, and despite their reassurances that they both wanted you as much as they wanted each other, it still felt like they were walking on eggshells around you.

You decided to give them some space for each other, it would be best right? They clearly loved each other more than they loved you…

Ramuda was the first to notice your distance. You didn’t hug him and Gentaro as long when you visited their apartment that day, you weren’t as talkative, your smile was shallow.

And he would know the best how to spot that.

Gentaro also picked up on your distance, deciding not to pursue the topic, he didn’t want to upset you, but each time you have a light sigh when you thought they couldn’t hear, broke his heart.

You were to the left of Ramuda, watching TV. Gentaro was to his right, his arm wrapped around the fashion designer’s shoulder. You felt miles away.

Maybe this was a bad idea.

Maybe you didn’t belong.

You gave another reflexive sigh and began to stand from the couch, before Ramuda hugged your arm tightly.

“Where are you going?” He looked at you softly, a pout on his face, “We aren’t boring you are we?”

You freeze, “No, I just…”

Ramuda looks at you, his eyes piercing through whatever excuse you were making.

“Just that- you guys obviously want to be with each other more than me… I was gonna give you your alone time.” You feel your face grow hot

“Are you serious?” Ramuda’s voice falters from its normal tone to his more natural, darker tone. You feel your mouth go dry, “If we didn’t love you, why would we keep doing this with you?”

You were quiet.

“We don’t feel comfortable around you? Is that it?” Gentaro finally speaks, at some point he had moved to the other side of you, gently taking your hand.

You nod.

“It would be untrue to say we haven��t been holding back around you…” Gentaro continues, “I sincerely apologize for making you feel alienated.”

“We just didn’t want to scare you,” Ramuda holds your arm firmer, coaxing you to sit back down. He turns to Gentaro, “We just love him too much to scare him away, right Gen?”

Gentaro nods, you sit back down and immediately both of them pull you into their arms.

“I won’t be scared,” you say, softly, “I want to see every part of you.”

Gentaro smirks, “My, my, you’re being quite bold dear, we haven’t even all been together for that long and already you’re leading me down a path of temptation.”

Your face goes hot

“That was but a lie” He smiles again, pressing a small kiss to your forehead.

Ramuda rests his head on your chest, looking up at you.

“You should stay the night!” He beams, his usual cheery demeanor back

Which is how you got to where you are now. They had led you into their shared room.

“We usually sleep in the nude, is that alright for you, Lovely?” Gentaro has a mischievous glint in his eye.

You suddenly feel shy but nod, “Um, okay!”

Ramuda bursts into laughter.

“Another lie,” Gentaro hides a chuckle.

You dart your eyes away from them, feeling embarrassed for agreeing so quickly.

“You know,” Ramuda approaches you, placing his hands on your shoulders, “it would be a way to grow closer~”

“I’m not,” you stammer out, “I’m not ready to do anything like that.”

They both chuckle to themselves.

“Dearest,” Gentaro begins, “Of course we don’t want to push you, it’s only sleeping, we won’t do anything you don’t want to.”

Ramuda nods to affirm this.

“We don’t have to get undressed if you don’t want to. Either way, nothing will happen that you don’t want to.” Ramuda presses a sweet kiss to your cheek.

“I’ll get undressed. Just to sleep though.” You mumble. Certain of yourself.

You still feel a bit shy, but you trust the both of them.

“I’ll do it.” You affirm again, with more confidence.

Gentaro is the next to approach you, taking your hand again.

“If you are not comfortable, don’t feel forced to do anything.” He smiles

“I want to.” You affirm again

Ramuda giggles and immediately starts to undress himself, throwing himself onto the bed.

Gentaro is next, taking his time with his own clothes before helping you with yours.

“If you ever feel uncomfortable please let us know.” He smiles softly, leading you to the bed.

You go to lay on the side of Ramuda, before he moves, placing you in the middle.

“You. You get all the love from us tonight,” he hugs you, placing his head on your chest, “No escaping to the corner for you mister!”

Both of your lovers gently wrap their arms around you, and you feel your eyelids grow heavy.

—

A/N: this was really bad and self indulgent but that art had me FEELING things

#gentaro yumeno #gentaro yumeno x reader #hypmic #hypmic x reader #hypnosis mic #hypnosis mic x reader #yumeno gentaro #yumeno gentaro x reader #ramuda amemura #hypmic ramuda #Ramuda x reader #ramuda amemura x reader

12 notes · View notes

flowersbyphone · 5 months

Text

this is just an idea of mine (one of several, i always have ideas) for a New Kids on the Rock fic (that i'll never write cause i just have no inclination to write anything i'm sorry to say) not really episode material though, more fic that is a bit darker than the actual show, more a mix of the tone of nkotr and "Ryan Murphy: Psychic Friend" (although, anyone is free to write this, or something like this, if they want to - if you do, share it with me i would be so freaking excited, that includes bullet point concept stuff - that includes changing things or adding new stuff) this wouldn't just stay in my mind apparently and i'm a bit nervous since i've never shared anything like this before but here goes...

- basically it's what if the "Ryan Murphy: Psychic Friend" video happened in nkotr

- in this world either Ryan is psychic but it's a power that is hard to use and using it to read minds and predict acute futures over long distances is extremely straining and harmful (and using it to sense vague potential events and stuff - that are more local to the psychic - is relatively easier, but still hard to do unless you're experienced or under pressure - my excuse for Ryan not predicting the Institute's intentions lol) also real psychics are extremely rare

- Ryan doesn't know he's psychic and the Institute (or some people who will become the Institute, once they have a real psychic, which they are desperate for - all for financial gain, of course) are having people do these "are you psychic?" quizzes for "fun" ,,like, they're sending them out as mail, or are just out in public trying to get people who pass by to partake in their fun quiz (which is actually really impossible unless a real psychic tries it)

- or, instead, no one is psychic but the Von Reuter Psychic Institute has created a drug that when injected gives some people (depending on whether their mind has psychic potential or not) temporary psychic abilities, but it would also be harmful to who it was being used on, making their mind work far past its natural capabilities... i guess it would also have to make the person go into a weird state where they're not aware of certain things (like how Ryan wasn't aware he was being held hostage) like maybe their mind can't handle all the information at once and they kind of forget key things while under the influence - and there is a period of time when it's wearing off where the person is coherent and knows what's going on, but still has a bit of the psychic abilities, like at the end of the video

- so for the second one, i don't know how the Institute would initially find out how Ryan has psychic potential? via some test thing like the first option i guess

- anyway, this is how the new kids stumble upon the Institute - Ryan takes the quiz and gets a perfect score, the to-be Institute either sends a congratulations letter back or talks to him in person (depending on how they initially contacted the Institute - i personally kinda like the mail one, since you see them less and they remain more of a mystery, and they know where their clubhouse is now) asking Ryan if he wants to join their up-and-coming psychic institute with the promises of doing good for the world together and being rich and famous

- thinking back to the events of The Vigilante, Ryan would consider, but ultimately decline, when it becomes fairly obvious they only want Ryan - and the new kids don't think much about it after that

- the Institute would somehow kidnap Ryan (either with Neil and Kevin witnessing it or not) - and Neil and Kevin would try to figure out where he was taken, and if they didn't see it happen, what happened at all

- they find out when they see a tv commercial/demonstration for "Ryan Murphy: Psychic Friend" and connect the dots that it was the Von Reuter Psychic Institute that took him (also bonus points for them seeing him in pain like in the actual yt video - i feel awful typing this lol)

- in order to find and infiltrate the Institute, they contact them, Neil asking if he can be one of the people interviewed on the show, saying how great Ryan is - when Neil goes to be filmed (somewhere not at all where the Institute and Ryan is, of course) he notices one of the members, who have showed up to regulate and control what is said and filmed, looks a lot like Kevin - and seems like the head authority there (which gives him the idea to have Kevin somehow take his place - if Kevin was pretending to be this guy then he would have access to a lot of high-security places, hopefully including where Ryan is being held) - he asks the Institute people if they personally work with Ryan (pretending to be star-struck) and the guy who looks like Kevin, who doesn't see much threat to the Institute in Neil, boastfully replies yes

- uhhh i haven't thought about how they would actually track down and infiltrate the Institute (replace the guy who looks like Kevin with actual Kevin - Neil would have to wear a mask and goggles or something to hide is face), find and escape with Ryan, but yeah they do that (this is just a skeleton for the story, a concept i first thought of several months ago)

- also some stuff from Ryan's pov in the Institute would be cool (i say casually, knowing the pain the character would be going through) and him thinking of his friends to cope in lucid moments when he's in his room/cell where they keep him when he's not on tv (maybe once he's been at the Institute for a while and starts to get really scared he will never escape or be rescued)

- would contain lots of friendship moments, emotions, and hurt/comfort including a last chapter of them helping Ryan recover from the trauma of the Institute (for one, he probably would feel phantom sensations of needles from being injected so many times)

- i have asked "what is wrong with me" multiple times while writing this and no one even dies

#also if anyone ever writes a no place like home fic i will- idk- be really happy #nkotr #fanfic stuff #tw needle mention #tw drug mention #it's a fictional drug but still #tw kidnap mention #just to be safe #me

4 notes · View notes

chumpovodir · 1 year

Text

got this absolutely unhinged response to my anti netflixvania bitching the other day, and while i have no intention of responding to this person (already blocked them in fact), i feel so skeezy at having my stance so thoroughly misinterpreted i just wanna take a minute to say something (plus it means i get to bitch more. lol)

the reblog is pretty vile so i'm putting it under a read more. tw and cw for every type of homophobia, transphobia, slurs, and general railing against """woke culture"""

the OP in question, which was a pretty simple vent

the response i got:

first of all, i would hardly consider myself a diehard castlevania fan. i grew up most notably with SotN and CoD, plus some of the GBA games, but i can't even remember which ones they were. the netflix show has only ironically pushed me to revisit the source material now due the writing leaving so much be desired, irrespective of its faithfulness as an adaption (though i understand S1-S2 did pretty good in that regard. i definitely have alot less problems with this period of the show)

secondly, my post wasnt even. about alucard...? i dont care that they made him bi fwiw. i do care that the writers were grandstanding about it by *checks note* including a graphic, fetishistic, fanservice-y dubcon threesome scene as proof in the show. thats whats gross, not the fact that they made him queer (though there's something to be said here about performative representation)

(also i don't know where to put this, but i find it kind of amusing this person is railing so hard against anything other than a 1:1 adaptation of the characters, but curiously leaves out mentioning the very visible design changes to hector and isaac in the show

hector i didn't even give much thought to, tbh i initially thought of them deciding to give him a darker skin tone as just a smart design choice to help visually differentiate him enough from alucard, since they both have that same ayami kojima-esque bishonen look going on (and isnt it suspicious as hell that ONLY our two pretty boys are made to suffer in an explicitly sexual way....? but i digress). then you learn he's a sun-worshipping Greek and it just makes sense honestly

isaac... isaac's a little harder to accept imo. it's not the fact they made him black, its the fact they replaced his entire character in all but name with an OC. and as far as the show is concerned, he's a perfectly fine character and arguably gets the best treatment and writing. not hard to see why fans like him so much. always been curious what prompted the showrunners to take such a radical departure from his game counterpart, cuz this doesn't strike me as a case of wanting to diversify the cast. i get og isaac's design was pretty risque, but considering how far the show goes is that really an excuse...?)

#cw biphobia #cw homophobia #cw transphobia #tw slurs #anti netflixvania #i never thought one of my first forays into fandom after such a long time would attract weirdos so quickly #also that since the show has been done and over for some time now it would be safe lmao #someone tell me if this needs better tags #castlevaniaposting

9 notes · View notes

fozmeadows · 3 years

Text

race & culture in fandom

For the past decade, English language fanwriting culture post the days of LiveJournal and Strikethrough has been hugely shaped by a handful of megafandoms that exploded across AO3 and tumblr – I’m talking Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Dr Who, the MCU, Harry Potter, Star Wars, BBC Sherlock – which have all been overwhelmingly white. I don’t mean in terms of the fans themselves, although whiteness also figures prominently in said fandoms: I mean that the source materials themselves feature very few POC, and the ones who are there tended to be done dirty by the creators.

Periodically, this has led POC in fandom to point out, extremely reasonably, that even where non-white characters do get central roles in various media properties, they’re often overlooked by fandom at large, such that the popular focus stays primarily on the white characters. Sometimes this happened (it was argued) because the POC characters were secondary to begin with and as such attracted less fan devotion (although this has never stopped fandoms from picking a random white gremlin from the background cast and elevating them to the status of Fave); at other times, however, there has been a clear trend of sidelining POC leads in favour of white alternatives (as per Finn, Poe and Rose Tico being edged out in Star Wars shipping by Hux, Kylo and Rey). I mention this, not to demonize individuals whose preferred ships happen to involve white characters, but to point out the collective impact these trends can have on POC in fandom spaces: it’s not bad to ship what you ship, but that doesn’t mean there’s no utility in analysing what’s popular and why through a racial lens.

All this being so, it feels increasingly salient that fanwriting culture as exists right now developed under the influence and in the shadow of these white-dominated fandoms – specifically, the taboo against criticizing or critiquing fics for any reason. Certainly, there’s a hell of a lot of value to Don’t Like, Don’t Read as a general policy, especially when it comes to the darker, kinkier side of ficwriting, and whether the context is professional or recreational, offering someone direct, unsolicited feedback on their writing style is a dick move. But on the flipside, the anti-criticism culture in fanwriting has consistently worked against fans of colour who speak out about racist tropes, fan ignorance and hurtful portrayals of living cultures. Voicing anything negative about works created for free is seen as violating a core rule of ficwriting culture – but as that culture has been foundationally shaped by white fandoms, white characters and, overwhelmingly, white ideas about what’s allowed and what isn’t, we ought to consider that all critical contexts are not created equal.

Right now, the rise of C-drama (and K-drama, and J-drama) fandoms is seeing a surge of white creators – myself included – writing fics for fandoms in which no white people exist, and where the cultural context which informs the canon is different to western norms. Which isn’t to say that no popular fandoms focused on POC have existed before now – K-pop RPF and anime fandoms, for example, have been big for a while. But with the success of The Untamed, more western fans are investing in stories whose plots, references, characterization and settings are so fundamentally rooted in real Chinese history and living Chinese culture that it’s not really possible to write around it. And yet, inevitably, too many in fandom are trying to do just that, treating respect for Chinese culture or an attempt to understand it as optional extras – because surely, fandom shouldn’t feel like work. If you’re writing something for free, on your own time, for your own pleasure, why should anyone else get to demand that you research the subject matter first?

Because it matters, is the short answer. Because race and culture are not made-up things like lightsabers and werewolves that you can alter, mock or misunderstand without the risk of hurting or marginalizing actual real people – and because, quite frankly, we already know that fandom is capable of drawing lines in the sand where it chooses. When Brony culture first reared its head (hah), the online fandom for My Little Pony – which, like the other fandoms we’re discussing here, is overwhelmingly female – was initially welcoming. It felt like progress, that so many straight men could identify with such a feminine show; a potential sign that maybe, we were finally leaving the era of mainstream hypermasculine fandom bullshit behind, at least in this one arena. And then, in pretty much the blink of an eye, things got overwhelmingly bad. Artists drawing hardcorn porn didn’t tag their works as adult, leading to those images flooding the public search results for a children’s show. Women were edged out of their own spaces. Bronies got aggressive, posting harsh, ugly criticism of artists whose gijinka interpretations of the Mane Six as humans were deemed insufficiently fuckable.

The resulting fandom conflict was deeply unpleasant, but in the end, the verdict was laid down loud and clear: if you cannot comport yourself like a decent fucking person – if your base mode of engagement within a fandom is to coopt it from the original audience and declare it newly cool only because you’re into it now; if you do not, at the very least, attempt to understand and respect the original context so as to engage appropriately (in this case, by acknowledging that the media you’re consuming was foundational to many women who were there before you and is still consumed by minors, and tagging your goddamn porn) – then the rest of fandom will treat you like a social biohazard, and rightly so.

Here’s the thing, fellow white people: when it comes to C-drama fandoms and other non-white, non-western properties? We are the Bronies.

Not, I hasten to add, in terms of toxic fuckery – though if we don’t get our collective shit together, I’m not taking that darkest timeline off the table. What I mean is that, by virtue of the whiteminding which, both consciously and unconsciously, has shaped current fan culture, particularly in terms of ficwriting conventions, we’re collectively acting as though we’re the primary audience for narratives that weren’t actually made with us in mind, being hostile dicks to Chinese and Chinese diaspora fans when they take the time to point out what we’re getting wrong. We’re bristling because we’ve conceived of ficwriting as a place wherein No Criticism Occurs without questioning how this culture, while valuable in some respects, also serves to uphold, excuse and perpetuate microaggresions and other forms of racism, lashing out or falling back on passive aggression when POC, quite understandably, talk about how they’re sick and tired of our bullshit.

An analogy: one of the most helpful and important tags on AO3 is the one for homophobia, not just because it allows readers to brace for or opt out of reading content they might find distressing, but because it lets the reader know that the writer knows what homophobia is, and is employing it deliberately. When this concept is tagged, I – like many others – often feel more able to read about it than I do when it crops up in untagged works of commercial fiction, film or TV, because I don’t have to worry that the author thinks what they’re depicting is okay. I can say definitively, “yes, the author knows this is messed up, but has elected to tell a messed up story, a fact that will be obvious to anyone who reads this,” instead of worrying that someone will see a fucked up story blind and think “oh, I guess that’s fine.” The contextual framing matters, is the point – which is why it’s so jarring and unpleasant on those rare occasions when I do stumble on a fic whose author has legitimately mistaken homophobic microaggressions for cute banter. This is why, in a ficwriting culture that otherwise aggressively dislikes criticism, the request to tag for a certain thing – while still sometimes fraught – is generally permitted: it helps everyone to have a good time and to curate their fan experience appropriately.

But when white and/or western fans fail to educate ourselves about race, culture and the history of other countries and proceed to deploy that ignorance in our writing, we’re not tagging for racism as a thing we’ve explored deliberately; we’re just being ignorant at best and hateful at worst, which means fans of colour don’t know to avoid or brace for the content of those works until they get hit in the face with microaggresions and/or outright racism. Instead, the burden is placed on them to navigate a minefield not of their creation: which fans can be trusted to write respectfully? Who, if they make an error, will listen and apologise if the error is explained? Who, if lived experience, personal translations or cultural insights are shared, can be counted on to acknowledge those contributions rather than taking sole credit? Too often, fans of colour are being made to feel like guests in their own house, while white fans act like a tone-policing HOA.

Point being: fandom and ficwriting cultures as they currently exist badly need to confront the implicit acceptance of racism and cultural bias that underlies a lot of community rules about engagement and criticism, and that needs to start with white and western fans. We don’t want to be the new Bronies, guys. We need to do better.

#race #racism #c-drama #fandom #fan wank #fandom wank #microaggresions #culture #the untamed #bronies #whiteness #ficwriting #fanwriting #cultural bias #discourse

6K notes · View notes

girl-of-many-fandoms · 3 years

Note

TW ED!!

hi i hope its not too much trouble but can do you pls write a one shot about spencer/hotch (which ever you choose is fine:) comforting reader or helping them through their ED after they noticed she wasn’t eating on cases, missing rossi’s dinners (when they knew she loved them), looking tired etc. and they confronted her and asked if she was ok and she told them she had trouble eating and had body issues. <3

Lost Appetite

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Warning: TW eating disorder

MASTERLIST

----

Rossi's dining room was filled with chatter from the team as he explained how he makes his signature dish from scratch while everyone dug into the creamy dish

You had barely eaten anything off your plate for the night as your usual never ending appitite was nowhere to be found. For the past week you'd barely eaten anything while you were working the case. You thought that Rossi's delicious pasta would've given you some motivation to eat but instead it only made you want to throw up

Sighing in defeat you placed your fork down and brought the glass of wine up to your lips taking a sip. All night Aaron had been watching you closely, he noticed how quiet and disasociated you were all night, he had also noted that you had barely touched your food, he couldn't remember the last time he saw you eat a proper meal

Your eyes were darker than usual, your round face had slimmed down a bit as you had lost some weight to your poor eating habits. You looked and felt like crap but you couldn't help it, in your eyes you needed to lose quite a few pounds so if forcing yourself to repel food was the trick to it, then so be it

"Y/N a word please" Aaron excused himself and gestured for you to follow him. You looked over at Morgan and he shrugged no clue as to why your boss wanted to speak with you. Excusing yourself you followed Aaron's retreating frame all the way out to Rossi's patio

"Have a seat" he patted the spot next to him and you plopped down on the bench

"What's going on?" taken off guard you snapped your head in the direction of the raven haired man next to you

"What?"

"Y/N for the week that we were away working on the case I noticed that you hadn't eaten a full meal, just picking at it at first I thought that you weren't feeling too well and you lost your appetite but tonight you barely even touched your food and that concerns be because you love his cooking" Aaron's gentle tone brought tears to your eyes, you didn't think anyone had noticed your change in behaviour but you he did

"I don't know what's going on in that beautiful brain of yours and you don't have to talk to me about it if you don't want too, I'll understand" swallowing the lump in your throat your eyes burned from the tears that streamed down your cheeks

"I hate my body" Aaron rubbed your back as you sobbed, breaking down in front of him

"No matter what I try to do to lose the weight it just refuses to leave so I stopped eating as much as I would normally eat and then I started forcing myself to bring it back up" Aaron's chest pained his the more you opened up to him, he hated that you felt that way about yourself

"Until my appetite left completely" this was hard for you to talk about but you knew that this would stay between you and Aaron, talking to him about your eating disorder took a weight off of your shoulder

"Y/N I need you to look at me" tilting your head up your red puffy eyes held his soft gaze as you waited for him to speak

"Even though you may not see it Y/N you are more than beautiful just the way you are, don't let the voices in your head tell you otherwise" using his thumb he swiped away the tears that fell from your eyes and you leaned into his touch

"I know it's not going to be easy but I'm willing to help you get through this if you let me"

You had never felt so secure in anyone's word before, his eyes showed you just how sincere he was. Releasing a breath of air you slowy nodded accepting his offer

Aaron pulled you into his side and you immediatley hugged him back. This was definitely going to take some time but you knew that he wasn't going anywhere until you were back to normal.

----

Tag list:

@calm-and-doctor

#aaron hotchner fluff #aaron hotchner x you #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner smut #aaron hotchner imagine #aaron hotchner fanfiction #aaron hotchner fic #aaronhotchner #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #criminal minds x y/n #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds oneshot #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds smut #criminalminds

411 notes · View notes

baecvlt · 3 years

Text

Stalker Nagito Komaeda x Milf!Reader

this was requested via my twitter:

“Hey! i’ve seen your works and I’m in love. Can I request smut where a stalker Nagito Komaeda becomes obsessed with a milf reader who moves into the neighborhood who’s like a dom in bed and ya know just large bust and taller than him. Thank youuu🤍”

a/n: ofc. but I have my own idea of a dom which i’ll use involving certain things (heed warnings)

warnings: he is so obviously a virgin in this, degradation, slight masochism, asphyxiation, spit, also Nagito calls the reader mommy (side note: nagito is in his early 20s in this, he lives alone. age of reader isn’t specified BUT I say she’s in her late 20s/early 30s)

• • •

It was a bright day...which Nagito despised. It was summer. He hated the sun, hated the mosquitoes, and the unnecessary humidity. It was days like these he wishes he was back at his university dorm. The A/C, the tall tree covering his window and blocking the sun...it was perfect. Hell, he didn’t even hate classes. Yet, he couldn’t live in the dorms forever. When it came time to buy a home, he stupidly did so in fall, moved in during the winter.

Well, no shit the home seemed perfect then. It wasn’t fucking summer. His A/C decided to break, his windows has a great view of the sun, and most of his friends were out of town (all except Hajime, but Hajime is fucking boring and a bummer). Nagito sat on his couch, watching reruns of old tv shows. He took a sip from his nearby glass (cold water), suddenly hearing sounds of what appeared to be a loading van. He looked outside his window.

A moving van?

Right, that one old man who lived there passed away. Freak accident, by the way. Oh well, may he rest in peace. Meanwhile, Nagito was being himself and trying to see who it was. Pretty much, the dude was being nosy. He saw another car pull up. That must’ve been the family’s car. Out jumped 3 kids, what appeared to be 2 girls and 1 boy. An adult stepped out. Nagito decided he’d get a better look at the situation. He put on his shirt, black jeans, and his green hood.

He was “going for a walk”.

Without being noticed, he made his way to the other side of the street. It was a woman, she was taking boxes out of the truck. The minute Nagito saw her it was if he was stricken by Cupid’s arrow. She was tall and beautiful. Her skin complimented her hair and her legs, he couldn’t take his eyes off them. Her breasts...he needed to stop—

“Hi!”

She was in front of him, a warm and inviting smile on her face. “H-Hi,” he muttered. She didn’t hear him well, so it helped that he waved. “I’m new in the neighborhood. We just moved in,” she added, putting the box down. She stuck her hand out, going for a handshake. He shook her hand, her warm hand against his cold ones. Why are his hands always cold? “I see,” he responded, getting his shit together,“I’m Nagito Komaeda. I live across the street”. She introduced herself and complimented his house.

“What a lovely home. I hope the neighborhood is just as lovely”

“It should be. It’s pretty quiet. There’s not many families here. Say, can I help you pack?”

“You’re too sweet! I’d really appreciate it”

He helped take all the boxes in her home, helping load a couch too, and help with other large objects. They finished in 9 hours, taking a majority of the day. “Thanks for helping out, Nagito”. She made a lemonade, handing him a glass.

“Don’t mention it! Also, thank you”

One of the kids ran in the living room where they sat on the couch. He gasped when he saw Nagito. “Mommy! That man looks dead!!!”. Nagito smiled, but his mom was not amused. “Michael! Apologize..”. The kid kept smiling and said,“Sorry!”. He ran to another room. “I’m so sorry,” she muttered. Nagito shook his head.

“Hey, I’m rather malnourished”

“Ha. On an unrelated topic, are you hungry? I could make us something”

“Oh, I shouldn’t linger any longer. I wouldn’t want to disturb your husband”

She laughed. “I know you mean no harm, but I’m not married,” she added. “Oh,” Nagito muttered,“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean it in any way”. She shook her head and reassured him it was fine. “Sit, Nagito,” she pulled out a chair,“I’m not letting you refuse having dinner with us. Especially since you were such help”. She rubbed his back before heading back into the kitchen to begin cooking.

She made him a bowl of pasta, adding chicken on the side. Nagito was quite happy. He hadn’t eaten a good meal in so long. Her kids didn’t eat at the table, but on the counter. Meanwhile, she ate with Nagito. Just as Nagito thought he couldn’t grow fonder of her, he did just that. All she did was let him talk about himself.

“Jesus, I’m sorry about your parents? How are you keeping yourself afloat with university and expenses?”

“Academic scholarships”

“Wow, you’re such a smart boy”

The way she phrased it made him flustered. “Thank you for the meal, ma’am,” he muttered,“I haven’t eaten like this in who knows how long”. She smiled tenderly, picking up his empty plate. “Seconds?”. He shook his head.

“No, thank you. I’m already so full”

“I’m glad. You know, there’s always a meal for you in store if you can do me a favor”

“What’s that?”

“My oldest daughter has her final test this week. You think you can help her study? I’ll make you a nice, warm meal every time you come over”

Nagito thought about it. He would also have time around her. Plus, she wasn’t a bad cook. “Of course, I look forward to it,” he told her. “Lovely”. He got up and excused himself to go home. “It was nice having you over, Nagito,” she said softly. He could tell she was getting sleepy. When people are tired, Nagito has noticed that their tone is rather sheepish. She walked him to the door, ruffling his hair playfully and he blushed. “Goodnight, neighbor”.

“Goodnight, you”

Before he left, she stopped him and handed him a paper: (xxx) xxx-xxxx ♡

“Call me when you get home so I have your number saved. Then, I can call you when my daughter, Vanessa, needs help. Take care, okay?”

He nodded.

She closed the door, his thoughts racing on his way home. He picked up some things about her, things she didn’t even tell him. He went home and opened a notebook, writing all of it down. He called her and she answered, her voice as sweet as when he left (only sleepier). “Hello?”. His breath was heavy without realizing it as he spoke. “H-Hey, you told me to call you,” he breathed,“It’s Nagito...Komaeda”

“Oh, hey, angel! I’m not interrupting anything am I?”

“What? No, it’s all good— why’d you think so?”

“You sound like you need to catch your breath, but anyway, thanks for calling me. I’ve saved your number now”

“Oh, great! Well, if that’s all, I’ll let you go to bed now”

“It was. Goodnight, Nagito”

“G-Goodnight”

He hung up, flustered more than ever as he continued to jot down his thoughts on paper. The next day, he woke up at 6am to wait in his car. He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn’t help it. At around 7:41am, his front neighbor and kids headed for their car. Nagito, who had taken a light nap in the driver’s seat, was awoken by the car starting. He waited for the car to drive away just slightly past his house to start his own car, slowly tailing behind her.

He dropped her kids off at the nearby elementary. She got off, kissed them on their forehead (all minus the eldest, who walked swiftly through the gates). Seeing how she cared for them made Nagito feel bad, but all he did was brush that feeling off. Next, he followed her through her daily. As he did, his notes from last night echoed through his mind, adding new detail.

“She works at an office not everyday She doesn’t have allergies but is sensitive to dust Red seems to be her favorite color but always in a darker shade Her daughter is around 10 years old She isn’t vegan but enjoys almond milk Maybe has an issues with abandonment but I can’t assume that either She buys many apples but not the same amount of bananas at the store so maybe she only eats the bananas—”

Just more to add to his notebook.

He got home before she did, writing down what he had learned. His phone rang about an hour later of him getting home. He picked it up,“Hello?”. “Nagito, hi!”. It was her. He started having a mini-panic attack, because why would she be calling him? “H-Hey, how are you?”

“I’m doing alright. I was wondering if you could come over and tutor Vanessa”

Oh, thank god.

“Yes, of course. I’ll be down there right now”

“Great. See you then!”

He was relieved, heading to her home happily. He knocked on the door. When she opened it, she did so with the same warm smile as yesterday. “Thank you for coming over,” she said,“She’s in her room”. Nagito nodded, freezing when she grabbed his hand and took him to the room. Her touch was so soft, noted. They got to the room, where a girl was reading a book on a desk. “Nessa?”. The girl turned around.

“Nagito is going to be here for a few hours to help you out with homework and studying. He’s really smart, so pay attention and be respectful”

“Okay, mom”

She nodded, squeezing Nagito’s shoulder before leaving. Nagito approached the girl, she took her things out. Before he could speak, she stopped him. “Please don’t call me ‘Nessa’,” she whispered,“It’s bad enough my mom does, but not you, Please”.

“Don’t worry. I wasn’t planning on referring to you at all”

“Bastard”

“Nessa”

“I guess I walked right into that one”

Nagito laughed, grabbing a chair and sitting next to her. Her work wasn’t what he expected. Is this what they’re teaching kids now? He could’ve sworn he hadn’t seen this type of stuff until he hit middle school. It wasn’t anything he couldn’t do, but damn. All in all, tutoring went well. Vanessa actually learned something today. “Good job!,” he said. “Thank you,” she smiled and hugged him,“I felt so stupid”.

“Hey, its okay not to understand things”

Her mom walked in. “Dinner’s ready”. Vanessa got up and went to the kitchen. “How’d it go?,” she asked Nagito. “Went well, she gets the math now,” he answered. She smiled, thanking him for his help and asking him to join them for dinner. He’d be foolish not to, so he accepted the invite.

Fish tacos were served tonight with rice and beans, another lemonade made. It was different than anything Nagito had ever had, but that doesn’t equate to bad. He actually enjoyed the meal. The kids sat at the main table today, much more respectful than yesterday. “Michael how was school?”. He put a thumbs up, getting back to eating. “And Adrianna?”. She looked up from her meal and shrugged. “What’s wrong?”.

“I’m tired, but class was okay”

“Oh, okay. When you’re done, just take a quick shower and get to bed”

“Thanks”

Nagito thought it was endearing. Seeing how understanding and loving she was, it was refreshing. The kids all eventually left, Nagito finishing his meal. “Did you like it?”. He looked at her, nodding. “Great! Seconds?”.

“Full again. I don’t usually eat, but your food is always so good”

“Oh, you’re just saying things...”

“No, really! Thank you”

He said his goodbyes to the family, walking back home. It was as if he was falling for this woman more and more everyday. He went to sleep, this time dreaming of her. He never dreams, but this time he dreamt she was on her knees for him. Then, nothing else. It was as if his dream teased him.

The next morning, he woke up to some knocking on the door. He looked at the time. 8:23am. He put on a pair of jeans and his shirt, walking to his door. He opened it and there she stood, wearing a black dress and red heels. He assumed she had work and needed a favor before going. “Good morning,” he said.

“Were you following me yesterday?”

Shit.

“I, uh...,” he didn’t know what to answer. He was indeed following her yesterday. He also liked her, so if he straight up said that he was to following her, it’d ruin things. His face was glowing a shade of pink to a slight red as he thought of the right answer. He was still stumbling over his words. “I think it’s kinda cute,” she added. The fuck? “Huh?”. She pushed him inside the house, closing and locking the door behind him. “When a boy follows someone around, it’s because he wants something,” she added, but her tone was so sultry,“Well, Nagito—”. She pushed him onto the couch, leaning in front of him with her hands on his chest.

“—What do you want?”

None of what was happening felt real. Nagito couldn’t find the words to express what exactly he wanted. This was the first time he’d ever been in a situation like this, it wasn’t a bad one either. He began to panic when she straddled him. “Could it be that you wanted me?,” she asked. He frantically nodded and she laughed as she locked her lips with his. He gasped against her lips, kissing back. She slowly trailed her kisses down to his neck, cupping his jaw while grinding on his lap. Nagito moaned, his shaky hands grabbing her ass. She grabbed his hands and put them away from her. “It’s cute that you’re getting this carried away”.

“I’m sorry”

“No time to apologize. Get on your knees for mommy”

Nagito was about to lose his mind when she said that, but he obeyed. Her presence was domineering as he stood on his knees against his carpeted floor. She spread her legs, noticing Nagito desperately trying to get a look. Her red heel stopped him, stepping on his head lightly. “Am I teasing you?,” she asked,“It’s okay to be honest”.

“Y-You are, but its okay. I want to be teased by you”

“You’re adorable,” she took her heel off his head,“Let’s go to your room”.

He practically ran to his bed. He sat and waited patiently. She entered the room, heading to his bed. She began to take off his shirt, admiring his frame. She then unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. He kicked them off and sat down. She sat next to him. “Give me your hands”. She held them, frowning slightly. “Boo, they’re so cold,” she teased,“I’ll warm them up for you”. Carefully, she grabbed his left hand, putting his middle and ring finger in her mouth. She licked to his fingertips, leaving him tense and speechless. She stopped and smiled at him.

“This is your first time, isn’t it?”

He nodded shyly. “Don’t be shy,” she said,“I’m going to guide you, but I’m also going to have my fun”. He gulped, nodded. She stood up and removed her dress. She wore a lacy black bra and panties. She brought his hands to her breasts, allowing him to fondle them. They were huge in his hands. “You like them, baby?”. “Y-Yes,” he muttered,“Can you, uh, take....the bra off?”. He was ashamed when asking, he felt desperate. She smiled and nodded, unhooking it and allowing the bra to fall to the ground. He gasped at the sight of her tits, grabbing them. She straddled him.

“Do you know what to do with them?”

He nodded, rubbing one and sucking the other. She moaned sweetly, grinding on his lap. He popped his mouth off them. That was when she took the opportunity to knock him onto the bed. She began to make out with him, shoving his tongue down her throat. They lay sideways. Her hand was on his neck, slightly choking him. He couldn’t resist but try to grind on her lap. She laughed. “Look at you,” she mocked,“Humping my leg like a desperate little puppy”. She didn’t let him speak, sitting up and pushing him back down. “I’m going to give you what you want,” she whispered in his ear,“Take your cock out”.

He was nervous as he did, hands shaky. She blushed a bit at his size. “It’s so big,” she said, straddling him,“I’m going to have my way with it”. “Please, do what you want to me,” he begged,“Abuse me, please”. She didn’t speak, sinking down on it. Nagito gasped, she was extremely wet. She began to bring her hips up and land straight down on it, repeatedly. She put her hands around his throat, now being rougher. Nagito gasped for air, grabbing her hands.

That was a mistake.

“Hands down,” she ordered, striking him across the face. “Sorr-”. He was slapped once again. “Only speak when you’re spoken to”. He nodded as his stomach began to cave in. His cock twitched each time she slapped him, making her moan. She leaned forward, capturing his earlobe between her teeth. He winced, his hands tangling in the sheets. He felt as though his entire body was blushing.

“You’re so sensitive there”

She teased him, kissing the skin and nibbling. His hips involuntarily snapped upward, making her whine. “You’re so desperate, baby,” she laughed,“it’s so cute”. He could feel her warmth running along his cock. He bit into his hand, trying to stop himself from cumming inside her. It worked, but she didn’t like him doing that. She grabbed his hands and kissed them.

“Don’t hurt yourself, put them right here”

She placed them on her boobs. He watched them bounce up and down, grabbing them gently. His rather large hands seemed small on her tits. He was extremely flushed. He took them off her and placed them on her hips. “Open your mouth”. He lay back more and did as he was told. She leaned forward, grabbing his jaw again as she spit into it and kissed him. He moaned when she did, his urges getting the best to him and thrusting upward. He hit her cervix every time, causing her to produce the sweetest and sluttiest of moans. Her walls tightened around him and now he was whining. “Are you gonna cum, honeybun?,” she asked.

“Y-Yes..”

“Where do you wanna cum?”

“I wanna cum...everywhere. I want it. I want it so bad. I wanna cum inside and on your tits, on your ass, y-your face..mouth. Please let me cum, mommy”

She motivated him, riding him harder. “Come on, Nagito,” she whispered,“Cum for mommy. Cum all the way inside her”. He lost his mind after that, groaning as he shot his load(s) inside her. He was still inside her as he tried catching his breath. She rubbed his chest, shushing him. “Good boy, you did so well,” she cooed,“Such a good boy.” He was covering his face, embarrassed and still hard. “I wasn’t too rough, was I?,” she asked. He shook his head, thinking,“Not rough enough”. He whined when she got off, revealing he was still erect. She noticed.

“You wanna go again, baby? Kids don’t leave school till 2:30. We have time for an extra fuck”

“C-Can I?”

“Yes, dummy”

She let Nagito choose how to fuck her. He wanted missionary, mostly because he craved intimacy and she did not disappoint. She kissed and praised him, telling him he was good. She held onto him the whole time and cuddled him afterwards. Nagito felt so special, he felt loved. “I can come over when I don’t have work,” she said,“Would you like that?”.

“I’d love that actually”

“You make me happy, Nagito. I could stay here and cuddle all day”

“I feel so lucky”

He yawned, looking at the clock. “Its 10,” he told her. She nuzzled his chest, humming. “Mmmm, let’s take a small nap,” she whispered,“Okay?”. “Okay”. He kissed the top of her head and held her to him, slowly joining her in slumber.

#danganronpa #fanfic #danganronpa goodbye despair #smut #dr nagito #sdr2 nagito #nagito headcanons #nagito smut #nagito x reader #nagito komaeda #nagito komeada x reader #x reader #danganronpa nagito

538 notes · View notes

adorerdraco · 4 years

Text

I’m Here ✧ Draco x Reader

Request: Hi, so I’m not sure if you’re taking these kinds of fics for Draco, but I’ve been feeling really down lately, and I was wondering if you could write a one shot or a scenario where the reader has been having a really bad day/week and Draco comforts them? And maybe Draco lays the reader on his chest and he hums a small tune to make the reader feel better? You can ignore this if it’s an issue, but I’d really appreciate it. I love all of your fics btw! They make me really happy <3

Warnings: none bc mostly fluff, some tears, super soft!draco

Words: 1.9K

A/N: i saw this and had to do it effective immediately bc i am feeling the exact same wayyy so this was really nice to think about ;( thank you so much for requesting this and for reading my stuff and i’m so glad i can help in a way <3 i’m sending you nothing but peace, love, and light !!! but i really hope this is gooood <3 do not own gif

Life was punishing you, you thought. It had to be. Because there was no way how in the span of a week everything in your day-to-day life had gone from okay to borderline catastrophic. It was as if every situation you were in was taking its form in the worst case possible scenario and all you could do was watch hopelessly as things continuously got worse sprinkled with small misfortunes in between.

It started on a regular Monday morning, sitting down for breakfast in the Great Hall with blissful ignorance. Halfway through eating your toast, your owl had come in through the open large glass windows and dropped a letter onto your plate from home that left you some very unfortunate news and had set forth a ripple effect that began making everything else go downhill as your days progressed. By the end of the school week, you had managed to blow up a potion, lose house points because of said potion when it splashed onto some people and had some physically altering effects, tripped over your footing and fell in the middle of a crowded corridor, failed a surprise quiz, forgot to turn in an essay, got into an argument with a friend, accidentally slept in and missed a morning class, and took a trip to the hospital wing for a migraine that didn’t want to leave you alone. You could’ve sworn you had somehow been thrown into purgatory, or limbo, or something outer-worldly.

“Are you alright?” Draco had asked you right after breakfast that Monday morning as he was walking you to your first class. “What was in the letter your owl gave you? You look worried.”

“It was nothing,” you dismissed quickly, trying to put on a half-hearted smile while you spoke to make it more convincing. “I’m fine, just tired.”

It was the beginning of the week, and he did keep you up late the night before when you were sneaking around together, so he just shook his head up and down and took your excuse even though he felt like there was more to it than you were letting on. But as the days went on, he was becoming more observant of the way you were acting and even looking. He didn’t like that every morning he saw the shadows under your eyes get deeper and darker, and he didn’t like how you would close your eyes in pain when you would groan about your headache. He also didn’t like the way he hadn’t seen you truly smile or laugh all week even when he tried countless times to amuse you or cheer you up. But what he didn’t like most of all was that he felt like there was nothing he could do.

On Wednesday afternoon, he tried asking you again. You were sitting in the Quad with him on a bench and he was telling you a story from earlier in the day about how he had ‘accidentally’ tripped this Gryffindor boy and got Snape to take away house points from him that he thought for sure would you make laugh or perhaps give him a disapproving redirection, but when he glanced up to see your reaction, he noticed you weren’t even listening, to begin with. You had been staring down at your shoes and the way they lined up against the cracks in the pavement, kicking around some gravel as your mind was running a million thoughts per second.

“Love?” He said to you softly. You looked up at him swiftly with a quiet questioning hum, e/c eyes widened slightly from being ripped away from your thoughts suddenly. “You know if something’s bothering you, you can talk to me.”

“I know,” you nodded warmly. “I’m okay, Dray. I’m honestly just tired.”

And you were telling the truth, in a sense. You really were tired; physically, mentally, emotionally.

He frowned, dissatisfied with your answer. “Right, well if anything at all comes up, I’m here.”

From then on, Draco took it upon himself to try and increase his affections and compliments. He would hug you a little tighter, kiss you a little longer, whisper sweet little nothings into your ear before he left you for class. You felt a little bad lying to him, withholding the truth from him, and you saw the concern in his light gray’s when you’d meet him in the mornings and for the rest of the day, but it only made you feel a tad bit worse. You were starting to feel guilty for the way he was worrying, feeling like you were dragging him down into the dumps with you and raining on his usual carefree parades.

On Friday morning, you didn’t meet him for breakfast and you were out of the Great Hall faster than he could catch you. He felt like a stalker when he walked by your class, peeking his head in to see if you were there and well. He spotted you sitting at your desk, hunched over your unopened books with a grimace on your face and your head in your hands. He wanted to go in and whisk you away to somewhere far and quiet, but the Professor had caught him by the door and sent him on his way before he could even think of doing anything of the sort.

You felt the day had gone by extremely slow, relative to how the week was moving and also impossibly dismal. You were counting down the minutes until the end of the school day, ready to run to your dorm right after your last class and bury yourself deep into your duvet and pillows for the rest of the weekend.

Head still pounding, you trudged over to your final class, stopping outside the doors when you saw a small group of your housemates standing around with unnerved expressions as they passed each other papers and spoke in hushed tensed tones.

“I studied all night but my friend took the test earlier and she told me during lunch that it had stuff on it that wasn’t even in the reading!” You heard one exclaim in distress.

“We have a test?” You accidentally said aloud and a pair of eyes turned to look at you confusingly.

“Yeah? Professor’s been telling us all week.”

A scoff of disbelief escaped your lips, an overwhelming sense of defeat washing over you as you turned briskly on your heel and in the opposite direction of your classroom. Tears started pricking at your eyes, you felt the stinging of them wanting to be released but you refused to let them all out in the open and especially in front of people who were still taking their time to head to their classes.

You were making a beeline towards your common room, blinking rapidly to try and clear your vision that was quickly pooling with unshed tears while trying to steady your breathing in another failed attempt to calm yourself. You were nearly there, you could tell by the paintings and doors that you passed by and the black stain splattered on the floor you saw every day on your way to the dorms from someone’s dropped ink bottle that Filch hasn’t been able to get rid of.

Almost there, you kept repeatedly reminding yourself.

All hope of solace was gone when you didn’t notice the body you had unknowingly crashed into. All you felt were strong hands around your biceps, holding you in place from toppling backward and the very familiar scent of expensive cologne and mint.

“Y/N? Why aren’t you in class?” You looked up at the platinum blond sadly, his worried eyes searching yours with such care that it pushed you over the edge.

You didn’t answer him and instead wrapped your arms tightly around Draco’s middle, burying your face deep into his robes and letting out quiet and frail weeps that broke his heart. He held you tightly, pressing kisses to the top of your head and muttering soft “I’m here’s” into your hair. You stayed in his embrace for a few minutes, letting your tears freely fall into his vest with a sense of relief that only he was able to give you at this point in time.

“I’m sorry I cried on you,” you choked out when you pulled away from him, desperately wiping away at your eyes with the back of your sleeve.

“You don’t ever have to apologize for that,” he said quickly. He brought his hand up to your face, his thumb swiping delicately over a stray tear that was sitting on your jaw while you closed your eyes in comfort. “Do you want to go back to my room? I can set you up really nicely and we can talk if you’d like?”

“Yes please, I’d like that a lot.”

Draco interlocked your fingers with his, bringing the pair up to his lips with a warm kiss on the back of your hand before walking the two of you over to the entrance of the Slytherin common room. It was empty when you walked in, not a soul in sight since everyone was still in class and it made it much easier for him to sneak you into his singular Prefect room you were now extremely grateful he had. He watched contently when you shed off your robes and kicked off your shoes and immediately slipped into one of his dark green jumpers that fit you big.

You were perched on the edge of his bed, his scent from his sweater engulfing you and doing a much better job of calming you down than you wanted to admit. He followed in your footsteps and changed into something comfier and when he finally sat beside you with his hand falling over yours as an encouragement to talk - you did. You vented to him all about the letter from home, the migraine, your classes, the argument between you and your friend, and everything else that came to mind.

“And I feel bad for ignoring you and not telling you all this before but I didn’t want to burden you,” you finished with sniffles, gazing up at him with a gloomy expression.

“Y/N, I love you, and nothing you say to me is a burden,” he frowned slightly, “when I tell you I’m here, I mean it, for anything. You’re so important to me and it kills me to see you upset.”

In a careful movement, he had scooted towards you and affectionately cupped your face before placing a loving kiss on your forehead and murmured to you, “don’t ever hesitate to come to me.”

You let him pull you under his covers, draping his large duvet over your entangled bodies with your head resting right above his chest, the steady beatings of his heart instantly sending you into a much-needed peace. His chin was rested right atop your head and you felt his fingers run up and down your arm soothingly while he thought.

“Is there anything else I can do to make you feel better?” He asked quietly.

“Can you help me fall asleep?” you muttered, closing your eyes gently when his hand smoothed over the back of your hair. You felt him nod against your head and after a small moment silence, you heard him begin to hum the faint tune of your favorite song.

You lied there in bliss, enjoying the way his chest was vibrating against your ear and the way his fingers were playing with the ends of your hair, curling the strands around his fingers and then moving upwards to massage your scalp. And for a minute, everything was finally okay again as you drifted off into a peaceful sleep, a full heart and with your love calmly lulling you away with a soft and now distant humming.

2K notes · View notes

creweemmaeec11 · 3 years

Text

Random Angst Short

I was feeling angsty, and this happened. Be warned though, although its short, this ones a little rough. TW for slightly graphic too.

----------------------

The villain stumbled back, hand coming up to their cheek where they felt the searing pain. They pulled their hand back, which was now covered in blood, and looked at the hero with a horrified expression.

The hero, who had more then one cut on them, was still breathing deep from their fighting.

"Wow... and here I thought you were a hero,"

"What?" The hero replied in confusion, "of course I am!"

"I didn't know cutting people was heroic," the villain replied,

"It- but, you're a villain!"

"Really? You're going to stoop so low as to dehumanize me too? I'm not a person, i dont have feelings," the villain asked, taking a step forward.

"What?! No! Thats-"

"I'm just filth right?" The villain sneered, cutting them off, "I'm just a lowly bottom feeder. I'm just scum you can step on,"

"I didn't-"

"I live in this city too, you know. I don't go to work in this outfit. I'm one of those civilians you swore so heroically to protect. Yet here you are swinging a knife at me without a second thought,"

"Well-"

"Do you know how many different ways a human can die? Do you know how many of those can be caused with a simple blade?" They asked, voice growing darker as they took another step forward, "what if while you're aiming for my cheek, you slip-"

The villain lifted their hand, wiping some of the dripping blood from their cheek before painting it across their neck.

"Whoops. Next thing you know I'm laying at you feet on the cold concrete, gasping for air as my oesophagus and lungs fill with blood?"

The villain took another step forward, holding their knife against their own throat in demonstration. They had a slightly manic look in the back of their eyes.

"You'd just sit and watch, knowing the nearest ambulance would get here just one minute and twenty seven seconds too late,"

"I would never-"

"Wouldn't you?" The villain pressed, "theres nothing else you could do. You'd have to go home tonight, maybe plan the speech youd give to the city on how you killed me,"

The hero swallowed thickly, grip tightening on their knife uncertainly.

"Or what if you swung and missed my head entirely? What if you swung down and caught my wrist? Sliced open an artery with such little effort~"

The heros hands were shaking. They looked like they were going to be sick.

"Maybe the ambulance gets here in time now but oh! No... they were only forty seconds too late this time..."

"Could you do it?" The villain asked, eyes dark, "could you live with being a murder, hero?"

When had the villain gotten that close?!

Before the hero could react they felt an agonizing pain in their abdomen as the villain plunged their knife into the heros chest.

The villain leaned in close to the heros ear, "because I could live with that burden just fine,"

The knife ripped from their flesh and the hero collapsed to their knees,"

"Go ahead," the villain mused, tone sadistically delighted and amused, "call an ambulance,"

They leaned down closer, "they'll be eleven seconds too late,"

Then they vanished into the night.

-------------

GUYS I DID IT I MANAGED TO WRITE ANGST! SO WHY DO I FEEL AWFUL? XD now excuse me while I go write fluff to recover-

Also I didnt tag list cuz this is dark and I didnt know if you guys would really wanna see it in ur notifications lol

#villain x hero #hero x villain #writing #heros and villains #snippet #whump drabble #whump #angst #graphic #kinda

335 notes · View notes

jamlavender · 3 years

Text

Gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss: Mrs Coulter, misogyny and the His Dark Materials TV show

The show went hard on misogyny as a vital part of Mrs Coulter’s backstory, and I want to talk about how they did it, and why, and how it might have been done better. This is quite long (when is anything I write not, let’s be real) so it’s under the cut. Read on for thoughts on women, power and fictional villainy.

As a quick disclaimer, though: I’ve enjoyed the show a lot! I’m so glad they made it! Ruth Wilson is mesmerising as Mrs Coulter! There’s so much to appreciate about the show overall, including many aspects of Mrs Coulter’s portrayal. But the HDM team have also made gender politics and misogyny very explicit themes of the show – particularly season two, particularly season two, episode five – and I think it’s fair to critique that.

Let’s be clear: Mrs Coulter is a villain. She murders kids by tearing out their souls. She kills and tortures friends and foes alike without a second thought. She abuses her daughter. She upholds and advances a totalitarian regime. She’s a Bad Person, as confirmed by God himself with the unforgettable line: “You are a cesspit of moral filth.” She’s fucking terrible, but, in life as in art, many of us are fascinated by how such awful people are made. What drives someone to commit atrocities? I am keen to see such questions examined in fiction, because I don’t think exploring a character necessarily means excusing their actions, and because it’s interesting (I mean, of course I find her fascinating, I’ve written a novel’s worth of fic about her). However, after a few snarky comments (“What sort of woman raised Father Graves, do you think?”) and some subtler commentary on sexuality, gender and power (her unsettling MacPhail with the key in the bra in S1E2), S2E5 drew a weird line between sexism in Mrs Coulter’s professional and academic life and her vast and senseless institutionalised child murder, and the longer I’ve sat with that the more I’m like: what the fuck?

Look, Mrs Coulter doesn’t tear apart children to search for sin inside them and poison Boreal and break a witch’s fingers because she’s experienced sexism in the workplace and in her education. That’s… a very odd thing to imply. We have to remember that there are lots of women in Lyra’s world, all of whom will also have experienced sexism, misogyny and other forms of marginalisation (many in more expansive and pernicious ways than Mrs Coulter, who’s a woman, yes, but also white, wealthy, highly educated and very thin and beautiful), and none of them are running arctic torture stations. She will have experienced misogyny, absolutely, and that will have affected her in various ways that inform how she approaches her work, but to imply that being denied a doctorate is the reason she became a sadistic killer is frankly bizarre. Here are a few of the lines from that episode with my commentary:

“Do you know who I could have been in this world?” What does this mean? If she’d been roughly the same person in our world, the answer is: Margaret Thatcher, which is probably a step down for Marisa, all things considered, because the Magisterium is far more autocratic than any recent Tory government and would be a much easier institutional environment in which to enact her cruelty. What we’re supposed to think, clearly, is that she’d have been a different person: a scientist and a mother, and she’s had this realisation because she saw a woman with a baby and a laptop and had a three-minute conversation with Mary. This doesn’t make sense. We live in our world! It’s less repressive than Lyra’s world but it’s hardly a gender utopia. If Mrs Coulter had chosen the scientist-and-mother life (which, as I’ll revisit later, she could have done in her world but chose not to because of her megalomaniac tendencies), she’d still have been affected by misogyny here too. Our world is not kind to young mothers, nor young women embroiled in scandals, nor is the world teeming with female physicists. It might be a little better, sure, but it’s hardly as if those gendered challenges would have been solved.

“What do you mean she runs a department?” This is just the show forgetting its own canon. Marisa, you ran a massive government organisation (the GOB), including a huge murder science research initiative in the Arctic. That’s a much bigger undertaking and much more impressive than running a university department in our world. Pull yourself together.

“But because I was a woman, I was denied a doctorate by the Magisterium.” This is the show flagrantly ignoring the source material to make a clumsy political point. In the books, there are women with doctorates (notably Hannah Relf, also a major player in the new Book of Dust trilogy) and at least one women’s college full of female scholars. Now, would that women’s college likely be underfunded and disrespected compared to the men’s colleges? Almost certainly. But saying that is different than saying “I couldn’t get my doctorate!” when women in Lyra’s world can. The show knew what point they wanted to make, and were willing to ignore canon to do so, which is frustrating. Also, given that there are female academics and scientists in Lyra’s world, and that Mrs Coulter is a member of St Sophia’s college, it’s clear that she could have lived that life if she so desired. But she didn’t want that, because being a scientist and academic at St Sophia’s imbues her with no real power, and that’s what she craves.

I’m not opposed, in theory, to exploring Mrs Coulter and misogyny in more depth, but I think doing so through an examination of the sexual politics of her life would have made a lot more narrative sense and been much more powerful. It’s better evidenced in the text – her using her sexuality to manipulate people and taking lovers for political sway is entirely canon, as is her backstory where genuine love and lust blew up her life – and it links much more closely with the most shocking of her villainy, which involves cutting out children’s dæmons to stop them developing “troublesome thoughts and feelings,” referencing sexual and romantic desire (and what Lyra and Will do to save Dust is clearly a big ‘fuck you’ to those aims). She even says this to MacPhail in TAS, “If you thought for one moment that I would release my daughter into the care - the care! - of a body of men with a feverish obsession with sexuality, men with dirty fingernails, reeking of ancient sweat, men whose furtive imaginations would crawl over her body like cockroaches - if you thought I would expose my child to that, my Lord President, you are more stupid than you take me for.” Don’t get me wrong, she’d have been a villain regardless, but I do believe that there’s a much stronger link between her sexual and romantic experiences and her murder work than between professional and academic stifling and child murder. It would have been a lot more interesting and a lot less tenuous.

However, the show is trying to be family-friendly, and digging into why this terrible, cruel woman might want to cut the ability for desire and love (and other non-sexual adult feelings, I’m sure) out of people could get dark. We know that the show doesn’t want to go there, because they’ve actively toned down her weaponising her sexuality: in the books, she has an established sexual relationship with Boreal, whereas the show made it seem like she’s been stringing him along all this time, and made it about potentially ‘sharing a life’ together rather than fucking, which was clearly the arrangement in the books. Also, I think Ruth Wilson said she and Ariyon Bakare filmed a “steamy scene” together, and given that only a single chaste kiss between them aired it must have been cut. I think they deliberately minimised the sexual elements of the text, particularly regarding Mrs Coulter (the mountain scene with Asriel, which I did still love, was also a lot less horny than in the book) and replaced that with another gender issue, that of professional sexism, as if the two are interchangeable, which they are not. This is a shame, both for Mrs Coulter’s character and also for the story as a whole, because the characters’ relationships with sex and desire are an important part of the books! (If this minimised sexuality approach means that they don’t use the TAS scene where Asriel threatens to gag her and she tries to goad him into doing it, I’ll scream). Overall, I think they missed the mark here, which is a shame because I also think it could have been done well, if they’d been bolder and darker and more thoughtful.

Why might this happen? Why might the show take this approach? Why might it be latched onto by viewers? Personally, I think the conversations we have about women and power are very simplistic, which leaves us in a tight spot when we see women seizing power for themselves (even in fiction) and weaponising that against others, not just other women but people of all genders, because we struggle to move past ‘women have overall been denied power, so them taking it ‘back’ is good,’ even if that immediately becomes a hot mess of white, corporate feminism and results in the ongoing oppression of many people. I think we are so hungry for representations of powerful women that we – producers and viewers alike – struggle to see them as bad, because it’s uncomfortable to be so intoxicated by Mrs Coulter effortlessly dominating the men around her, subverting systems designed to marginalise her for her own benefit, and generally being aggressive and intelligent and ruthless, and then realise that you are entranced by someone who is, objectively, a terrible, terrible person. It can be hard to realise that if you channelled the energy of someone who mesmerises you, you’d be the villain. So instead of sitting with that (more on this below), a lot of legwork goes into reworking her villainy into, somehow, a just act, a result of oppression, as her taking back power that has been denied to her, rather than grappling with the fact that for anyone to desire power in such a merciless way, even if they have to overcome marginalisation to get it, is really, really dangerous.

The joy, of course, is that Mrs Coulter is not real! She’s not real! Adoring fictional characters does not mean condoning their (imaginary) decisions, nor do stories exist for each person in them to fit neatly into a good or bad box so you know who you’re allowed to love. Furthermore, fiction can be a fabulous tool for exploring and interrogating the parts of yourself that, if left to bloom unexamined, might perpetuate beliefs or behaviour that cause harm to others. Mrs Coulter doesn’t need to be a feminist or taking down the patriarchy or a righteous powerful woman to illuminate things about gender, power and feminism for those reading and watching. In fact, it’s important that we explore what happens when women (most commonly white, wealthy women, as she is) continue to perpetuate brutal systems under the guise of sticking it to ‘men,’ because it happens all the time in the real world, and it’s a serious issue. Finding characters like Mrs Coulter so cool and compelling doesn’t make you a bad person, but it might tell you something about yourself – not that you want to be a villain or kill kids or whatever, but something about how you relate to your gender or women or men or power – and that knowledge can be useful! We all have better and worse impulses, and finding art that helps us make sense of ourselves, both the good and bad parts, is a gift that we should relish.

Anyway, tl;dr, Mrs Coulter doesn’t need to be sympathetic or understandable or redeemable to be brilliant – but you wouldn’t know that from how she’s been portrayed in the new adaptation.

#his dark materials #marisa coulter #my analysis #this might be controversial idk #more thoughts that no one asked for #hdm meta

210 notes · View notes

darkqueenofshadows85 · 2 years

Text

Why I Love the Dark Era of Sonic

Greetings, mortals! Today, I will be talking about my all time favorite era of Sonic games, the Dark Era (2005-2009).

I will explain in detail what I love most about this particular era, and why I consider this, along with the Adventure Era (1998-2004), to be the absolute best era of Sonic as a whole.

Please keep in mind, this is MY OPINION! You don't need to agree with it, but please don't complain in the comments section if you disagree with my views on the Dark Era as a whole.

Anyway, let us begin! ^^

Writing and Characterization

The writing and characterization of the Dark Era titles is some of the best in the entire series in my opinion.

For example, Sonic was at his best in Unleashed and Black Knight, and Team Dark was written exceptionally well in 06. The characters were more fleshed out and had depth and likability, as opposed to the one dimensional cardboard cutouts they became in the 2010's.

The Dark Era also introduced a number of great new characters, including Silver, Blaze, Marine, the Babylon Rogues, Chip/Light Gaia, Caliburn, Merlina, Mephiles, and most of all, my beloved Black Doom ♡

On the subject of writing, I consider games like Unleashed, Black Knight and Riders: Zero Gravity to be on par with SA2 as some of the best Sonic stories ever written. ShTH and 06 are two of my personal favorites, though they do have some minor flaws, and Secret Rings, despite being the weakest of the five main Dark Era games, still had a decent enough story to keep me invested.

Tone

I believe the Dark Era earned its name due to the dark, grim atmosphere and mature storylines. People can complain all they want about the games of that era being too "edgy" or serious, but I believe that darker storylines absolutely belong in Sonic games, and "they're cartoon animals!" is not a good enough excuse to say otherwise.

The Adventure Era and the Dark Era were the prime times for the villains, especially the latter. Another reason why I believe the Dark Era has its name is because it focused on the villains' motives to inflict fates worse than death: rewriting stories and history (Erazor Djinn), using mankind as an energy source for intense purposes (Black Doom), conquering time and space (Solaris), and even trying to create a world without death (Merlina).

So, just to recap: the "Dark" in Dark Era refers to the tone in my opinion, not the quality. ShTH, 06, Secret Rings, Unleashed, Black Knight, the Riders trilogy, the Rivals duology and Chronicles all have a dark tone to some extent. The Rush duology is the only one I know of that has a bright colorful tone, but I digress.

Multiple Playable Characters and a Wide Variety of Different Gameplay Styles

As someone who grew up in the 2000's, I can’t help but miss the wide variety of characters and play styles the series used to have. Like the Adventure Era before it, the Dark Era had plenty to offer in the gameplay department. The guns in ShTH, the Werehog in Unleashed, the hoverboard racing in the Riders trilogy and the usage of swords in Black Knight are among my favorite gameplay concepts. I also thoroughly enjoyed 06's Adventure style gameplay, and my favorite part of the Rush duology was playing as Blaze. Why SEGA decided to take the exact opposite approach in the 2010's and completely ditch any semblance of creativity in favor of bland, repetitive gameplay and making Sonic the sole playable character will forever remain a mystery to me.

Awesome Soundtracks

Sonic is a franchise known for having consistently good music, and to me and many others, the Dark Era soundtracks have great music IN SPADES.

From heart-pumping rock songs like I Am... (All of Me) and Knight of the Wind, to uplifting, inspirational songs like Endless Possibility, the Dark Era games, as well as 2000's Sonic games in general, all have a wide selection of unforgettable vocal tracks to choose from.

Creative Concepts and Overall Respect For Its Audience

Another reason why I love the Dark Era is because it took the audience seriously and it always tried something new with the franchise. Compared to the 2010's, the Dark Era had an abundance of life and creativity, and you could really tell Sonic Team was really trying and gave a shit. The CGI in 06 and Unleashed was amazing, the Werehog was a fun and very creative idea to try two different play styles, and Sonic literally becoming king, restoring an entire kingdom and commanding an entire group of knights is probably one of the most badass things this franchise has produced. They really tried. And it sucks that critics like IGN, who are ignorant and lazy when it comes to doing their jobs, had a huge impact on the series going forward into the 2010's, and it suffered because of it. And don't get me started on the classicist elitists. Not everything can be the same from your childhood, guys.

Complex Themes/Messages

I believe that themes/messages are very important to the Sonic franchise's storytelling, and the Dark Era games had plenty of strong life lessons to offer.

ShTH, the first two Riders games and Chronicles are about the search for identity, Rush is about learning to open up to friends, 06 has a moral we need now more than ever: the future might be bleak and the past might be traumatic but focus on the present moment to make the best of it, Secret Rings is about not being ashamed of who you are, Rush Adventure is about appreciation for foreign cultures, Unleashed is about the duality of light and dark, and Black Knight is about learning to live life to the fullest.

What life lessons do any of the Meta Era games have to teach their audience? I cannot think of one.

My Final Thoughts

I never understood why people hated the Dark Era so much. It had a lot of great things to offer, and from the way I see them, gameplay and console-wise aside, those games showed a lot more than some previous ones have. They gave some of the characters more depth and interactions between each other (especially Team Dark in 06), introduced some new characters so they would have their own arcs to grow (Silver, Chip, etc.), the CG cutscenes in those games were amazing, they showed the main characters interacting with humans more, they gave us dark, twisted and frightening villains who are even more menacing then Eggman and would later on transform into god-like monsters, they showed cool narratives of each game's story and taught us strong life lessons about the world and how to live life to the fullest, and best of all, they even gave the main hero Sonic more character depth and humanity. The Dark Era made him into a more fleshed out character with both good and bad sides of himself, and showed us that he's not just a cool signature teen hero, he's a very noble, loyal, kindhearted, free-spirited soul who even though he has flaws, he helps out other people in need and would do whatever it takes to make sure everything and everyone will be provided a brighter future.

Too bad the Meta Era had to throw all that out the window... :(

Overall, I hope the series comes back to its former glory. I will never forget watching the cutscenes from Black Knight and being astounded by its world and visuals. I will never forget the epic opening cutscene of ShTH when Shadow meets Black Doom for the first time. I will never forget the amazement I had when watching Sonic transform into Super Sonic in the beginning of Unleashed, and I will certainly never forget the impact the Dark Era had on the storytelling of the series. Great, underrated stuff that sadly didn’t go forward into the next decade. Regardless, I still have some faith left in Sonic, but as always, we'll have to wait and see.

#sonic the hedgehog #dark era #shadow the hedgehog #sonic 06 #sonic and the secret rings #sonic unleashed #sonic and the black knight #blog post #opinion post

27 notes · View notes

miomines · 2 years

Note

Another Mingzhu update! I did the Liyue flowers in her design, the three main ones in her hair and then violet grass is on her clothes color scheme and also going to put flower detailing and a darker purple gradient on her clothes. I REALLY went for the scruffy look with her hair because since she was in nature I feel like she doesn’t care as long as her buns are intact, haha. I also did her skin tone kind of close to Meili’s, because since she wants to imitate Meili so much her appearance reflects it (unlike her horns, which she cant change. F in chat) didn’t give her any shoes because she ditched them in the woods. I’d imagine Meili gave her her nice clothes n such, and since its from Meili she likes to keep them clean (which is why she isn’t going to be filthy, and that’s my excuse for making her look nice). Since she’s a little solitary and closed off due to not being raised around other like... living beings.. she’s a little standoffish in her expression. Her horns are greenish/brownish since she’s a dendro dragon/user and also it looks nice with her eyes. :)

Let me know if my HC’s are right or not or what you think! I’d love to hear your thoughts and change the design accordingly. I’m having a lot of fun with this, and I’m probably gonna design my OC next so its good practice haha

I’m kind of proud with her design so I’m going a little overboard with this. I cleaned up the base colors a lot and I’m going to do a couple layers of shading and maybe a really simple background.

Ok time for my self-imposed banishment into my cave for the night kbye

Also if you like my art a lot you can include xiao fluff in your AU more because I love him being close to the reader for obvious reasons (stares at username) YOU DONT HAVE TO OFC THO I KNOW WRITING IS TOUGH WHEN YOU CANT THINK OF THINGS

Ok I’m actually going to go die now bye

HOLDS HER GENTLY,, , , , MINGZHU MY CHILD,,, , , SHE LOOKS SO CUTE!!!

sjdjdkd i really just gave her a pretty basic description but!!!! YOU DREW HER FROM THAT AND SHE LOOKS SO GOOD!!! omg I don't know how to convey my appreciation for this bc im just

I LOVE THE HCS U HAVE TOO THEYRE SO GOOD!!! i think she tries to stay clean for awhile!! especially if she really likes the clothes but sometimes she just really wants to play and then just gets covered in dirt skdjdk gremlin dragon baby,,, we love her tho

ALSO ILL TRY AND BRING IN MORE XIAO FLUFF FOR U BC I LOVE U /p

thank u for this gift im treasuring this forever... ... . .. .

#lemmy.txt #mingzhu.png #asks.txt #treasured.png #holds her. ... . mingzhu my child i love u. .. .... .

9 notes · View notes

pinnithin-writes · 3 years

Text

newfound information

I have a running theory that Goemon Ishikawa is legally blind and decided to write something about it. This is some of the gayest and most pointless shit I’ve ever written. I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it. 1778 words.

“I’d like to know,” Goemon said, “what color your eyes are.”

Thick silence wrapped the room like a blanket. The scratching of Lupin’s pen on a notepad stilled. For a while, the only sound was the tic tic tic of the radiator.

“Which one of us?” Jigen asked. The leather of the couch creaked as he leaned further back in his slouch.

Today marked a full week they’d been crowded together in a drafty apartment in Zürich - the morning had passed with Jigen smoking and Lupin planning and Goemon untangling the knots within him. The coffee table had been shoved aside to make room for a cluttered spread of maps and books on the floor. The heist was days away, and Lupin was audibly puzzling out their approach as he cross-referenced the recon notes his partners had put together.

Goemon wasn’t facing either of them; he had his forehead pressed against the window, eyes unfocused. The street below their hideout was a brick red blur. I’ve never seen Switzerland before, he’d commented upon their arrival, and Lupin had chuckled at his joke.

“Both.”

“Oh,” Lupin answered brightly. “They’re brown. I thought you knew.”

He did, in fact, know they were brown. Lupin and Jigen had both mentioned their eye color to him before. There were a lot of things about his partners’ appearances Goemon had pieced together over the few years they’d been working together.

It wasn't that he couldn’t see them at all. He just saw them at a distance that usually reduced them to a collection of colors and shapes. To Goemon, Lupin was a bell-tone laugh and a flash of bright red and a courteous hand on his elbow when he passed in the hall. Jigen was the smell of Marlboros and a longsuffering, gravelly sigh and the steady click of leather shoes on hardwood. They were whole, complete people to him already.

But lately he’d been hungering for details he wasn’t sure he could have. Certain things that required a proximity Goemon rarely permitted.

“What?” Jigen interjected suddenly. “They are not. They’re gray, right?”

A soft rustle as Lupin set his notepad aside. “Really, Jigen? How long have we known each other? You don’t know what color my eyes are?”

“They’re gray. I swear to god they’re gray.”

“It says ‘brown’ on my birth certificate!”

Goemon wordlessly listened to their argument as he turned away from the window. He leaned back on the sill in preoccupation, the cool glass chilling his neck. He should just ask. It beat staring at the street and dwelling on it for hours.

He ran his thumb in distracted circles against Zantetsuken’s sheath. “Can I see them?”

“Lupin’s birth papers? I’m not sure they’re legitimate,” Jigen said, ducking quickly to avoid the pen Lupin chucked at him. It clattered harmlessly behind the couch.

“No,” Goemon clarified sharply. “Your eyes.”

“Oh.”

A beat of silence passed, which Lupin broke first. “Well, sure you can,” he answered. “Then you can vouch for me.”

Goemon imagined he was shooting Jigen a barbed look as he said this. A stack of papers shifted as he unfolded his skinny legs and stood, and then Lupin was crossing the room toward him. Goemon felt his heart rate tick up - he hadn’t expected his odd request to be honored. Lupin’s visage grew clearer as he approached, until Goemon could easily clock his lopsided smile and tweaked eyebrows.

Lupin tucked his hands in his pockets and leaned in close. “What do you think?” he asked. “Brown or gray?”

“Hold still.”

Narrowing his eyes, Goemon raised a hand to grasp the other man’s chin, tilting his face this way and that. The light from the window fell softly on his cheeks and the slope of his nose. Lupin blinked expectantly. He was close enough that Goemon could see his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.

Gray was his first impression. Silver, really, like a pair of shiny round coins. Lupin’s gaze was restless, darting back and forth between Goemon’s own eyes as he allowed himself to be examined. His skin was startlingly soft.

“Hold still,” he ordered again, tugging Lupin closer.

This time, Lupin obeyed, fixating on a single point and staying there. His previously cheeky grin disappeared when his jaw went slack, and Goemon felt a tiny puff of air as Lupin exhaled.

He could see now that his irises were also flecked with shades of brown, ringing his pupils in a lovely starburst. Goemon studied Lupin’s eyes a moment longer, taking note of how they settled from ink to fawn to ash from the center out, committing the image to memory. He observed his facial structure - how it was soft and sharp all at once, unique and conspicuous. Lupin’s fondness for disguise made more sense to him now.

Goemon was sure the man could hear his pulse thudding in his neck at this point, so he finally released him. “Both,” he said conclusively. “Probably varies with the light.”

Lupin was slow to step away, cheeks rosy. “Oh,” he managed to say. “So… we were both right.”

“Indeed.”

Jigen was uncharacteristically quiet from where he watched on the couch. Goemon heard him tap ash idly from his cigarette before taking a contemplative drag. “Sounds like a cop out to me,” he murmured as an afterthought.

Goemon slanted him a glance. “You could see for yourself,” he challenged, brows raised.

“I’ve seen ‘em already,” he grumbled.

Lupin took another step back, melting out of focus to his usual blur of black and red, and folded his arms. “Jigen, dear, I believe it’s your turn.”

Jigen coughed. “Excuse me?”

“You're up next. Let the man see your eyes.”

Sensing his hesitance, Goemon’s mouth softened from its steady set line. “Only if you want-”

“No,” Jigen was already interrupting him. “I’ll do it.”

The couch protested as he leaned to set his cigarette in the ashtray, elongating into a dark capital I when he stretched and stood. The approaching tap of his shoes was slow and familiar.

“No need to look so nervous,” Lupin teased, leaning impishly into Jigen’s personal space as he pulled to a stop.

Goemon prodded Lupin out of the way with the sheathed end of his sword, resting it against his sternum in a silent warning. Lupin retreated, smirking, while Jigen drew in an almost imperceptible breath and let it out slow. The same technique he used before pulling the trigger on an impossible shot. Goemon reached to remove his fedora with as much care as he could, pressing it delicately against his chest.

“Hold this, please.”

Jigen nodded. The tips of his fingers trembled where they touched the felt.

“His eyes are definitely gray,” Lupin commented, angling his chin at Jigen. “Oh my god, are you shaking?”

Goemon gave Lupin a pointed tap with Zantetsuken in lieu of reprimand. He fell silent.

Out of respect for his trepidation, Goemon was gentler with how he handled Jigen’s face, nudging his jaw one way and then the other with the backs of his knuckles. Stubble prickled his skin. He was struck by how sharp his cheekbones were at this distance; he had never really noticed their prominence before. He was certain they’d draw blood if he ran his thumb against them.

Jigen’s eyes were significantly darker than Lupin’s. Storm clouds gathered around his pupils, shades of slate and black bleeding into one another. Instead of meeting Goemon’s stare, he determinedly stuck his gaze at an indiscriminate point somewhere past his left ear. These were marksman’s eyes, sharp and steady and missing nothing. Shame he hid them under his hat all the time.

Goemon dropped his hand from Jigen’s face. “They are gray,” he agreed.

The swiftness with which Jigen stepped back and replaced his headwear was possibly the fastest he’d ever seen him move. He cleared his throat, adjusting the hat’s brim. “Great. Glad we worked that out.”

Lupin jabbed him with an elbow. “Congrats on surviving the ordeal.”

Jigen grumbled something indistinct, tipping his chin and hiding his eyes further.

Goemon kept his expression carefully neutral. Now that he possessed this newfound information, he wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. He had learned quite a bit more about the others than intended; not only about their appearance, but their mannerisms, as well. Their relationship with closeness. He didn’t know there was a way to turn off Lupin’s motor mouth. He didn’t know Jigen became so mystified when touched.

These were things he would file away for later, additional pieces for the frustrating jigsaw that was his feelings.

“Thank you,” he uttered finally.

“No problem,” Jigen responded at the same time Lupin said, “That’s what we’re here for.”

Goemon scoffed with disbelief. “Is it?”

Lupin paused and moved out of the way to allow Jigen passage. Goemon caught a whiff of smoke - he must’ve resumed his previous task of mangling the cigarette he’d been working on. Lupin leaned easily against the window beside Goemon, not as close as before but close enough he could tell the master thief was examining him. Embarrassment creeping into the back of his neck, Goemon lifted a prompting eyebrow in his direction.

“Sure it is,” Lupin went on. “I ask you two for weird favors all the time. It’s only fair.”

“Hm.” Goemon was skeptical.

“We’re a team,” he insisted. “It’s good for a team to know each other really well. Right?”

“...Right.”

“Useful for recognizing each other in disguise.”

Grateful for Lupin’s valiant effort to spare his dignity, Goemon allowed a small smile. “Sure.”

Lupin grinned back, tilting his head to the side until his temple touched the windowpane. “I’d never really looked at your eyes this close before, either,” he admitted, some of the bravado leaving his voice. “They’re really… intense. Super dark.”

“Pretty,” Jigen added around the cigarette in his mouth.

“Pretty,” Goemon echoed, caught off guard by the compliment.

“Pretty scary,” he clarified hastily, and Goemon couldn’t hold back a soft laugh.

Silence settled on the group, introspective rather than discomfited. Goemon’s heart rate was beginning to return to normal. The atmosphere in the room had shifted into something thick and unnameable, and he was definitely responsible for the change, but it didn’t feel bad. Just new. Unfamiliar. And while Goemon was out of his depth, it was reassuring to know the others were just as bad at navigating this as he was.

“So,” Lupin clapped his hands together emphatically. “That was a nice break. Let’s get back to business, shall we?” He swept a gesture at the paper nightmare on the floor.

The team murmured their assent, but not much else was accomplished that day.

#lupin iii #lupin the third #goemon ishikawa #goemon ishikawa xiii #daisuke jigen #what the hell even is this ship name #lupin goemon and jigen are triple married fight me #ink #fanfiction #writing #takes place in an indiscriminate time early on in their relationship

108 notes · View notes

pompompurin1028 · 3 years

Note

Hi hi! It’s once again me 👀💕 Ah you blessed me so much today Kat, I feel way too happy that we’re talking about this stuff😭

So ahem, as for the recommendations, I wouldn’t recommend starting with Requiem, it’d be like watching the season finale before getting to know the characters, it wouldn’t make any sense. I’d prefer that you at first get to know the usual cheerful and comforting Mozart before discovering his darker side, since the reason it gives such a big joy to me is because it’s rare and unusual for him. Think of it as a side of your personality that you only show to your closest ones. So for now, in order to not overwhelm you, I’ll tell you two of my favourite pieces of him!

First of all, Piano Concerto no.23. I definitely recommend this recording, you can’t even guess how much the quality of recordings change the vibe of the piece. I’m listening to the first movement as I write this in order to get in the mood, and I’m already about to have tears in my eyes haha- This work gives me such an immense comfort with its beauty. If I had to choose one adjective to describe Mozart’s music, it would be beautiful. You’ll definitely see what I mean with this one. Mozart is known for his beautiful melodies, and the first movement’s main melody is still in my top 5. Just rest and let your soul flow with the soft touch of the wonderful pianist. 💕

I’ll also have to say that the second movement is even purer🥺 Pay attention to the softness of the emotions there, it starts with a soft piano section and then the moment where the orchestra comes in for the first time (12.08) always gives me tears. And pay attention to the ending of that movement! (17.25) You’ll hear a short passage where the strings start making a tic-tac sound, just like a ticking clock. It always gives me such a strange feeling… it makes me question everything, the notion of time, of life, I don’t even know what I’m feeling at this point it’s just too beautiful😭

The first two movements definitely surpass the 3rd, but it’s still very joyful, the usual cheerful Mozart stuff~

And as for the second piece, it’s his Concerto for Flute and Harp. For this one, I recommend this recording.

This piece… I probably won’t be able to find the right words to express its beauty, pureness, innocence. I simply can’t.

The first movement: you’ll hear how soft the flute and harp can sound together. That melody… Mozart, that melody came from the heaven to your hands. This has always been my biggest comfort piece, comfort melody even. It’s usually always the first part where the melody is purely introduced to the listener without any addition, so pay attention to the beginning if you want to recognize the melody throughout the piece which makes the experience more enjoyable~ It’s not so hard to recognize it with Mozart since he creates such beautiful melodies though, contrary to some composers of the Romantic Era, so you don’t have to worry about it for now.

The second movements are always divine with Mozart… You’ll sense the same pure emotions as the Piano Concerto’s 2nd movement from before.

And the 3rd movement is as always a joyful Rondeau!

I always have more commentary for the first two movements since they are the parts where the composer fully shows their musical abilities (especially in the Classical Era). I hope this “guide” helps you a little bit to grasp what’s going on during the pieces 💕 I’m aware that suddenly trying to listen to 35-40-minute pieces is hard especially if you’re a beginner, so if you feel like you won’t be able to concentrate, feel free to only listen to their first movements (since those are the most juicy, beautiful parts!). Then, after some time, if you’d like, the second movements etc. Since we’re discovering the Classical Era, we can treat every movement as a different piece in itself, they have no connections that would require you to listen to them together. I wouldn’t be able to say the same thing with late Beethoven, for example. But with Mozart, it’s totally OK!

Enjoy! ❤️

And if you listen to them and want more, just drop by my ask box and give me a sign, I have a lot more up my sleeve😌❤️ Or we can discuss these first as well!! I’ll be OK with anything, as long as you’re enjoying yourself~

Thank you so much for the recommendations and tips on what to look for Req omg🥺😭❤

I found some time to listen to it today just fully with my full attention to I could pay attention to the details. And I used headphones so I could possibly enjoy it better hehe💕

I also wrote down my thoughts as I listened to it so let’s go!! (also please excuse my limited knowledge on music terminology and prepare for a lot of words below haha😖)

Piano Concerto no.23

The first movement was beautiful, when the pianist started playing I audibly gasped I tell you. The softness of the piano in contrast to the harder(? is that how you describe it haha) sounds of the violins in the beginning just accentuates the tune of the piano, and it just grabs your attention immediately even though it’s not loud at all, and frankly quite the opposite. And the pianist’s solos have me, I am literally in awe of how soft and beautiful they are, and I keep looking forward while listening to this to hear them again. I loved the parts at (7:23, 8:26) ahh, the contrast is immaculate and beautiful, from forte to piano in such a short time haha it took my breath away for a second.

Okay the second movement. So beautiful🥺 From the beginning just listening to the soft piano section here alone I could feel the different vibe and emotions here, it feels almost melancholic and lonely. The notes that are played here clearly showcases a sadder emotion than the first, though it is just as soft. The flats (I think?) on the piano here help bring it out so much better. As for the orchestra part, I really liked it when they joined in for the second time as well, I don’t know how to describe it, it’s just so in harmony, and soft, blending so well together😌. Oh and I definitely heard that change in 17:25, that part was very striking. And I love the gradual change of the tone of the piano there and the emotions it seems to convey. And coupling this with your explanation, it almost feels like it’s conveying how sadness and those feelings of melancholy will fade will passing time (maybe that’s just me).

And yeah I could tell how the third movement is less impressive than the first two. It seems a bit different that the first two, and the emotions this part conveys doesn’t feel as strong it feels. But I definitely agree it’s joyful! But I actually loved how the whole piece flowed! The flow of different emotions throughout it (I’m not really sure of the background of the piece) but to me it feels like it’s highlighting how our emotions go up and down in life, but it will get better, like how joyful it becomes in the third movement in contrast to the second. [do tell me your thoughts Req I want to know👀]

Concerto for Flute and Harp

Oo great tip about the melody part!! It’s the same for the piece earlier as well in the first movement in particular, I can definitely hear the same leitmotif (I believe that’s what it is called?) Okay but the way the flute and the harp blends together? Ahh so beautiful and sounds almost ethereal🥰🥺 And oo that’s nice to know! I have some knowledge of the Romantic era and their styles, they emphasize a lot on emotions, nature, beauty and the individual I believe? Since it’s seen as an opposition to the industrial movement’s hard and mechanical facts. I have studied the history about that period for a bit as well as some of the literature during that time so I do have a bit of background information haha, so I assume that other composers emphasize more on other perhaps more negative side of emotions?

And the second movement is so breathtaking😭 The whole piece in general is so soft and pure as you said. It just feels out of this world almost, it’s just heavenly how pure and innocent everything sounds. And I can see what you mean when you say his second movements are “divine”. And yes! The emotions here are very pure like the other piece! But at the same time very different in what they are conveying, they are both very beautiful and yet this feels much more hopeful🥺 And that part at (16:41) with the harp really has me ahh, then the flute going in afterwards, it is just beautiful so so beautiful.

And the third movement, it’s so joyful omg🥺though it is much faster and a bit different in terms of the tone and vibe from the first two movements, it still feels connected, especially with the flute and the harp movements in some parts they sound familiar(? I don’t know how to describe it haha)

And I just read your part about concentration, it was a bit haha, but typing out my thoughts as I listened to it helped, though it is probably not the best way to enjoy the piece😅 And that guide definitely helped thank you so much Req!! I really appreciate it! And you taking your thoughts to type all this out for me as well as choosing the videos that you believe had the best audio💕 I don’t know if you’re able to tell but I really enjoyed Piano Concerto no.23 haha, maybe it’s because I used to play the piano for a bit so I’m a bit biased😖

And of course!! I’ll be sure to drop by if I had any questions! And please tell me your thoughts after reading this too haha, I’d love to hear! Have a lovely day💕

#asks💌#Req🎻#kat's music spam #I still probably didn't appreciate these pieces as much as I should've but still #😭 it hurts me though that I'm not knowing the meaning beneath them due to my ignorance😢#same thing happens to me with literature

21 notes · View notes