#its just hard to come from a family full of very sensitive people

[klausysworld]

Hiii I was wondering if you could write a klaus oneshot where the reader is enemies with klaus but klaus finds out she has cancer and is all alone and begins to fall in love with her or something like that.

I totally understand if you don’t want to do or you’re uncomfortable with it.

I’ve Got You

(This is on a very sensitive subject, please don’t read if it will upset you too much and know that if you are suffering or know someone who is, nobody is alone)

Cancer was something that had torn up Y/n’s life. It caused her to push people away all of the time. She didn’t want to be too close to anyone, not when the doctors couldn’t tell her how long she had left.

For a while they thought that the cancer had gone but she didn’t want to risk anything only for it to come back.

So she continued to be closed off, even from her own family.

Being Elena and Jeremy’s sister was hard enough, let alone growing up having cancer. Having two parents who were involved in medical care was both a dream and a nightmare. They made her live according to their timetable and their rules as to what would ‘help’. She knew, even as a child, that her family struggled much like any family would struggle to afford treatment and research and she hated herself for costing them so much.

She was kept separate from her siblings, built little to no bond with them. When her parents died, there was nobody to care for her or at least give her hope. She couldn’t afford hospital bills on her own, she had to seek out other family, like Uncle John and he did help however when he lost his life, she lost the chance of hers.

The people at the hospital knew Y/n well, they wanted to help best they could. She was supplied with medication in the form of pills to at least somewhat control the cancer and they had hope that she would be able to take part in a chemotherapy treatment program that would take place within the next year. That was as much hope as she could have to go on.

And she tried to hold onto that, she would imagine the day that they told her she would be able to live her life full without so much risk.

But at the same time, she didn’t really believe it would happen for her. Not anymore.

Sometimes she wished that a vampire would just kill her, out her out of her misery. Other times she wanted to survive everything her dreadful life threw at her and live a long healthy life to its fullest.

It was why she was so up and down with how she behaved. It was why the way she was around certain people changed so drastically, like Klaus.

Sometimes she wanted to see how many buttons she could push, she wanted to make him kill her so at least it wasn’t cancer that took her out. Other times, she just wish he’d disappear and leave both her and her family alone.

She would wonder if, had no vampires ever turned up to Mystic falls, if she would have been able to connect with her siblings some more, if Jenna would have given her some hope.

Those thoughts made her mad, but also sad. That’s when she would get snappy. Sometimes she didn’t mean to annoy him but she couldn’t help herself.

But unfortunately it made people dislike her which in some cases was a good thing because it meant people wouldn’t miss her if she did die but it also meant that she was even more alone.

Y/n was too young to deal with something so big, it was no surprise she didn’t know how to manage it. The problem was that nobody else knew how to either and so she was forced to try do it herself.

The medication she had been on since young caused an imbalance of hormones and had stunted her growth in areas. It made her hair thin and caused her to become feeble and delicate to an extent. Of course she tried her hardest to build up her strength but she wasn’t stupid, she knew it was much easier for her to become out of breath, to become exhausted or hurt. It was because of this that people like Damon would dismiss her and why she would be cast aside without any explanation. Not that she needed a reason, she already knew.

In some ways, she liked that Klaus didn’t know that she had cancer. He would be boisterous around her, tease and taunt her like he would anyone else. Because to him, she was like everyone else. She wasn’t a delicate little thing that needed to be avoided and fixed.

Sometimes he could go a little far, once he had her by the throat, cutting off her airways as he threatened her. He didn’t know that after he left she was spluttering blood all over the floor as she coughed and wheezed for air. She struggled for it anyway, she didn’t like someone taking it from her. But she never said anything to him, of course she was a little more cautious but she enjoyed pissing him off when she could.

When she was little, kids were cruel. If she wanted to play, they would give her funny looks and say they didn’t want to play with her. They acted like she was contagious, or an alien. She hated it.

So even if Klaus’s attention was ill intended, at least it was directed at her.

————————————————————————

Klaus originally saw her as another inconvenience. He met her when he was in Alarics body, when he went over to the Gilbert’s house to harass Jenna and frightened the others. Turns out their sister Y/n also hadn’t been clued in on who he really was. She had wondered down the stairs still in her pyjamas, smiling subtly at him and going to the cupboard to grab some biscuits. Once she had sat down and began munching, Stefan was storming in and telling her and Jenna to run. At that point Y/n just looked tired and begrudgingly got dragged out the house by a hysterical Jenna.

The next time was at a hospital after he had taken Elena from senior prank night. She was sat in the waiting room, lead across the seats as though she had been there hours. He came and sat beside her, spoke to her and told her to tell Damon to never threaten him again. She agreed without compulsion and kept her trap shut about anything else.

The following few times he saw her, she was less tired and more firey. That’s when he began to take a strange liking to her. She always had something to snap back at him no matter how dark the last thing he said was.

Somehow she seemed to know exactly how to make him tick. Knew how to tease him enough to make him want her to shut up but not enough to physically make her. Though occasionally she went too far and he would break.

Sometimes he felt a weird sensation of guilt swirling inside him, he never knew what to do about that. He didn’t enjoy that.

When she became tired, she was moody and would say things to purposely make him angry. And klaus’s anger management had never been great. He didn’t always mean to react to quick and harshly but he couldn’t help it. Especially when he didn’t understand why she was so angry sometimes.

He knew that she was very much seen as irrelevant when it came to her siblings and the Salvatore’s etc. He couldn’t understand why exactly, she was not less useful than Elena was as far as he could see. Still he didn’t ask or dig on it, it didn’t matter to him if she was apart of the little gang or not. She seemed to hang around him anyway.

He took an amount of joy in their playful banter and teasing nature when around each other. He also liked to push at her buttons the same way she did his. But he wasn’t as good at knowing how far he could go, often she would end up storming off and he’d be left feeling guilty and there’d frustrate which lead to annoyance and anger.

————————————————————————

Klaus hadn’t once guessed that the reason for her mood swings or her pushed to the side nature was due to cancer.

He hadn’t been expecting to see her name on labels of samples of blood.

He was in the hospital for blood obviously, even though he drank mostly straight from the vein, with all his hybrids and his busy schedule sometimes blood bag was easier.

He happened to come across the samples and spotted a familiar name. His curiosity peeked. Of course he originally guessed that it was just normal things like she had given blood or that she had low iron. But something within him told him to look further.

So he began to compel people to get him her files and information. But turns out he didn’t need to, as soon as he said her name the receptionist was yapping on.

“Oh the poor girl, in and out of here since she was just a toddler” she began, sighing and clicking for Y/n’s name on the computer.

“Really?” He questioned, his brows furrowed.

“Uhuh, next appointment is…oh! Tomorrow” she smiled and Klaus nodded pretending to know

“Right for..”

“Collection and a check up” she smiled and turned around to find something, a bag. She placed the paper back infront of him with contained the prescription pills that would control the cancer to some level. He smiled back at her though it didn’t reach his eyes and picked up the packet, reading what they were and what they did.

His heart dropped a little and he hesitantly handed them back to the receptionist. “Thank you, I’d take them to her but if she has a check up tomorrow anyway then I expect it’s easier if she get them herself” he muttered, his voice quiet as he felt a strange sadness forming somewhere inside him.

“Of course” the woman answered “Will you be with her tomorrow?” She asks with the tilt of her head.

“I might be” he replied, unsure and she nodded slightly back

“I’m sure she’d like it if you did, nobodies been with her for a scan for over a year now” she sighed and his heart ached.

He left shortly after and tried to find her. Eventually he found her, much to his surprise, at his house. She was sat on his sofa with a glass of wine and one of his hybrids, chatting about whatever. Without caring he made his way over and grabbed her by the arm.

“Klaus!” She yelped as he began to pull her away from the hybrid.

“He just wants to drain you love, come on upstairs” he murmured, pushing her up the stairs and grabbing the bottle of wine from the table.

“Well he might just be nice” she muttered

“Perhaps but I don’t like the odds” he replied as he pulled her into his room

“Right, because you care if he kills me” she grumbled and his stomach turned uncomfortably. No longer did the joking of her death amuse him like it once did.

When she noticed his silence and the look he had in his eyes, she knew that he knew. It was stupid look of pity that everyone had and that slightly uncomfortable stance because they don’t know how to act around her anymore.

She sighed and glanced to the floor and then him. “Can you not?” She whispered and he frowned confused

“Not what-“

“Oh don’t do that. I know you know. Its fine. I’ve had it forever you don’t have to be weird” she mumbled as she sat on his bed, laying back and staring up at the ceiling tiredly.

“I don’t know what-“

“Cancer Klaus. It’s not a scary word, it’s not Voldemort” she grumbled

“What-?” He questioned confused

“Doesn’t matter it’s not the point” she whispered and he frowned

“You never said anything about it” he muttered as he sat beside her.

“It’s not really the best conversation topic. Plus we’re not that close” she mumbled

“Well…you’re in my bed so I’ve done something right” he joked lightly and she smiled

“I guess so” she whispered.

Klaus laid down beside Y/n quietly. It was a little odd to be so close to her without either of them having ill intentions. He did feel bad though that he made her uncomfortable but he couldn’t help but act a little off. His mind had been replaying every time he had hurt her, he wondered how much it had endangered her life.

It confused him as to why he had this care for her. He couldn’t have cared less about week ago if she had been killed but knowing that she actually, most likely, would die much sooner than expected made him feel something. To know that she was living in pain and fear of when it would catch up to her.

Klaus was a man who liked control, he couldn’t imagine having something like cancer hanging over his life everyday acting as a threat ever time she breathed.

“So you-“

“I don’t wanna talk about it” she mumbled, cutting him off. He fell into silence and sighed softly.

Y/n stared at the ceiling, wishing it would fall on her in this moment. She hated that he knew. Of course she didn’t exactly hide it from him but she also didn’t want him to know. Not because it was something she was embarrassed of, or because she feared he would used it against her. Simply because it meant there was one more person who would look at her like she was incapable and weak. She didn’t want to be stared at like an animal at a zoo by anyone else.

She’d rather he be cruel to her and tell her how pathetic she was just for being a human. She’d rather he scare her and hurt her like he did everyone else in town than look at her like he was now.

She felt her eyes drain of the life that they usually held when around Klaus. With a lump forming in her throat and a heavy weight of disappointment on top of her, she pushed herself up and got off his bed.

“I’m gonna go home” she muttered, ignoring the way he sat up and looked after her with worry.

“Love-“ he called, standing up to follow her as she made her way down his stairs.

“I don’t want to talk, I want to go home” she huffed.

“Sweetheart-“

“Shut up Klaus” she snapped “stop calling me cute little names and looking at me like I’m a three-legged puppy! You don’t like me, I’m annoying and useless to you” she sighed, her voice becoming desperate and she hated how pathetic she sounded.

“You’re dying” he whispered

“Everyone’s dying” she mumbled “I’m just doing it faster” before leaving his house, closing the door behind her.

Klaus left her alone for a little while, and she avoided him also.

He did however go back to the hospital after she had her most recent scan. He compelled the surgeon to show he what was happening, where it was and what that meant. He wanted to know why she wasn’t getting more help, they told him there was very little chance of her surviving even with chemotherapy. Klaus argued they should still try and they informed him of the treatment trial coming up in two months time. Demands were made, he would pay for everything and they would tell her that she qualified to have it free. He didn’t really care what lie they told her just so long as she accepted it.

And she did, Klaus received a phone call telling him so.

Klaus still had no explanation for his sudden change of heart, why he wanted her to get better so badly. He didn’t know why, he just did.

He felt a little sad that she wouldn’t hang around him anymore. Not many people willingly spoke to him, even if it was just some teasing and playful banter. He missed it.

When she had her first dosage of chemo, he found himself in her hospital room. It upset him that nobody had come with her or shown any care at all.

Klaus quietly wondered through the hospital, it was halfway into the night and quiet as he searched for her room. His expression softened when he saw her curled up in a bed, the machine beside her beeping quietly. A singular rose was placed beside her bed as he pulled a chair over to her and leaned down to kiss her cheek softly. It was an odd gesture coming from the hybrid but he tried not to dwell on it as he sat beside her for a while.

Klaus came back during the night as her treatment continued, he would leave her a rose and often a note. He would never know how much it meant to her.

One night he ran his fingers through her hair, only for a handful of strands to come out with his hand. His eyes had enlarged as he quickly put it in the bin and gently lifted to her head to find a clump of hair on her pillow. He didn’t want her to find it in the morning and be upset and so removed it himself.

He didn’t mean to wake her up. She knew it was him without a doubt when she felt her face against someone’s chest. She could hear his soft muttering and the sound of his hand behind her head. It took her a minute to figure out what he was doing and when the realisation hit her she just stared at his chest exhausted. Y/n could remember when all her hair fell out the first time, when she was little and the other kids would poke fun while the parents would tell her how brave she was while staring at her with that helpless, pitiful face. She didn’t want to see it on Klaus’s face as well so she pretended to stay asleep.

After a moment he laid her back down and pulled the blanket back up. “There we go” he murmured softly as he smoothed it over “it’s all going to be just fine” he whispered, stroking her arm gently. She kept her eyes closed and her breathing steady until he left, she couldn’t stop the tears rolling after he was gone. She hated feeling sorry for herself all of the time but it seemed she could never catch a break.

It wasn’t long before she was back home, still on chemo but home. Jeremy was living in Denver and Elena basically lived at the Salvatores so Y/n had the house to herself. She didn’t go out much, she never really had. She only did recently to annoy Klaus but she didn’t want to be around him anymore either so she found that staying inside was better.

However Klaus had different ideas and so wound up on her doorstep, nocking incessantly until she answered.

“Finally love, you and me worried” he sighed and she narrowed her eyes

“What do you want?” She snapped, she was wrapped up in a blanket and wore a hat on her head. Klaud wasn’t sure if it was because she was cold or because she had given in and shaved her head.

“It’s lovely to see you too” he smiled sarcasticly and she glared. “I wanted to see how you were doing” he answered.

“I’m doing fine. How are you doing?” She replied stiffly

“Ah you know…family troubles” he mumbled and she hummed

“Elijah?” She question

“All of them” Klaus muttered “three brothers, a sister and a mother. I can only be glad I’ve already killed my father…though that didn’t stop mother”

Y/n let out a breathy laugh and glance down “I’ll grab my shoes and we’ll talk and walk.” She told him before closing the door. Klaus smiled to himself as he waited a second before she came out ready. She was completely wrapped up, hat gloves coat. Still he didn’t ask, just remained happy to be with her.

They spoke about the sudden arrival of his family and the ball. He said he hoped she would come but her silence wasn’t convincing.

“You don’t have to” he told her “I know you don’t like people and you barely like me enough” he smiled and she returned it weakly.

“I don’t really think it’s a good idea” she mumbled and he nodded, of course he was a little disappointed but he wasn’t exactly surprised either.

“Then perhaps you’ll have to give me a dance another time?” He offered and she shrugged playfully with a smile

“I might be able to come for just one dance, but I go home straight after?” She compromised and he grinned

“Perfect” he whispered and cupped her face. The smile soon vanished from his lips as he felt how hot her skin was to touch “you’re burning” he mumbled before unzipping her coat and pulling her hat off. Immediately she made a sound of upset and grabbed for the hat. His eyes softened as she stared at him with a mixture of emotions.

She wanted to die. That was it. She wanted the cancer to take her in that moment. Stupid Klaus. She wasn’t sure why having no hair made her feel so bad, she had a nice shaped head but her past experience with peoples reactions caused her to hate it.

“Put it back” she whimpered but he shook his head. His hands gently pulled her coat off and then her gloves.

“You have a fever, you’re boiling, I’m taking you home” he told her as he leant down and lifted her up. She looked at him like he was crazy, she didn’t understand what kind of bond they had or what feelings they held for eachother. She didn’t why he would like her of all people. Was it pity? She hoped not, she’d be so pissed off it was.

“Fevers are normal” she mumbled “you don’t gotta worry”

“Normal or not, it’s best we get rid of it so that it doesn’t hurt you” he answered as he carried her towards her house. She couldn’t help but smile a little when he said ‘we’. In a way it reminded her of how her parents would care her and tell her that it was something they would all get through.

He felt her relax a little in his hold and glanced down to see her looking up at him with a lost look in her eye as he approached her door.

“I can’t come in but I trust that you’ll know how to cool off? I can take you to my house otherwise” he told her as he placed her down and passed her things back to her as she got inside.

“I’ll be fine, thank you” she told him with a small smile before closing the door.

Later that day she received a package containing a dress, shoes that matched and a silver necklace with her birthstone hanging from it. She smiled a little and put it somewhere safe ready for the next evening.

Then she continued to settle her fever and take a nap. She woke back up, watched a few films, messaged Klaus to let him know she was okay now, and finally took her meds when she ate her dinner before going to sleep.

In the morning she continued her everyday routine and lounging around until it was only a couple hours before the ball that the mikaelsons were throwing. She had argued with herself all day whether she should go. She knew people would talk, seeing the cancer kid with Klaus Mikaelson. Not that it was date. No no. That would be weird…

Eventually she decided she would go, dance the first dance and then go home. She just hoped that the exhaustion wouldn’t hit her too hard while she was out or that she wouldn’t fall sick until she got back home.

Y/n never got to go to events like Elena and Jeremy did when she was little, but her mother would dress her up when she was in the house sometimes to make her feel happy and pretty for a day. That was the only way she knew what she was doing when it came to her face. She had stolen some from Elena’s room as she only had the basics for herself.

She put on everything he had given her and looked in the mirror. Her hands touched her head with a small sigh before she called a cab that took her to the mansion.

She stood outside it for a few minutes, unsure whether she should just turn around and walk in. Klaud didn’t give her that option when he came wondering outside, his eyes looking around for her hopefully. She smiled a little to herself and began to walk towards him, his gaze met hers halfway and he quickly flashed beside her.

“You came” he whispered, pulling her in for an unexpected hug. He pulled back and cleared his throat “sorry” he muttered awkwardly before grabbing her hand and leading her inside. “You look gorgeous by the way, you always look gorgeous but…not that- “

“Thank you” she cut him off with a smile and squeezed his hand in appreciation. “Am I late? I didn’t mean to stand there for so long” she asked quietly, glancing around and seeing the entire town moving around his home.

“It’s okay, the first dance only just started” he told her, leading her further inside.

“I never really learned to dance” she whispered nervously

“That’s alright” he murmured “I’ve got you” he told her and she believed him.

She let him guide her throughout the dance, she kept her eyes on him and tried to ignore any stares. Klaus kept her close and offered a death glare to anyone who even glanced their way. Time flew, they danced for nearly six full songs before he felt her body go momentarily limp to his. Thankfully his arm was around her waist already so he kept her up. She regained her balance in seconds but it was clear that something was wrong.

“I’m going to take you upstairs, alright love?” He murmured to her but she shook her head

“I can’t do the stairs…I’m dizzy” she whispered and he nodded

“I know, I didn’t expect you to walk up them” he told her before gently tugging her away from the people. They walked straight past Elijah and Elena talking, both turned to face them with looked of confusion and surprise as Klaus told her to let him help her. He kept upright so that nobody would know she was being carried as he supported her weight up each step. Once at the top they walked past Finn and Esther, his mother eyed the girl with that same pity as most and shook her head at Finn in a way that told him to leave them alone as Klaus lead her into his room carefully.

He laid her down on his bed, propping her up with pillows and cupping her face gently. Her eyes focused on his as his cool hands soothed her skin.

“You feel okay love?” He asked softly

“Yeah I’m ok” she nodded as her head began to settle. She felt a little nauseous but less faint. “I should go home” she mumbled, pushing herself up but he shook his head and laid her back down.

“Stay here tonight love, I’ll look after you” he told her

“Can’t, gotta have my meds” she muttered and he nodded

“I’ll go get them okay? You stay in here, find a shirt of mine to wear to bed and I’ll go get your pills.” He decided, standing up

“Klaus…you’re not invited in” she whispered and he sighed

“Then I’ll go to the hospital and get some, I know what you need”

“It’s easier if I go home” she argued

“I want you here” he told her seriously and with a sigh she nodded.He nodded in return and stroked her face, and her smooth head gently. “You can wear whatever you like okay?” He smiled and she nodded, watching as he left.

Klaus quickly made his way out the room, rushing down the stairs and out the house. Stopping for only a second to tell Elijah to keep people downstairs.

Once he was back from the hospital with her medication she was wrapped in his duvet, dressed in his shirt and her panties with no makeup left on her face while scrolling through Netflix on his TV. He smiled at the sight and close the door behind him with a click. Her head lifted to see him and he made his way over with the bottle in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

“Thank you Klaus” she whispered gratefully as she swallowed a pill before handing back the glass which he placed on a coaster on his bedside table.

He grabbed a shirt and some plaid pants before disappearing into his conjoined bathroom. He remerged from the room in a couple minutes ready for sleep. He had a sofa in his room, a mini fridge and everything. Y/n wandered if he ever actually had to leave his room.

Klaus opened a cabinet filled with blankets and pillows and pulled a couple out and setting up a bed on the couch making Y/n frown a little, guilt and confusion swirling.

“You done have to sleep there” she told him “You could sleep here if you want…or I could go on the sofa, I don’t mind” she offered, slipping out of the bed and making her way to the couch but he spun her straight back around and lead her back to bed.

“Under no circumstances will you not be in that bed” he told her, a level of authority in his tone as he put her to bed. “I don’t want to disturb your sleep by stealing half the bed” he teased.

“No it’s okay, I like sharing” she smiled and he raised a brow as he sat down infront of her.

“Oh? Do you share beds often?” He teased with narrowed eyes. Klaus didn’t like the thought of Y/n sleeping with anyone but himself. Even if it was just a nap.

“No” she whispered, her cheeks bushing pink “sometimes when I was sick my mom would sleep with me” she shrugged and he smiled.

“I doubt I’ll be anything like your mother sweetheart” he chuckled and she rolled her eyes

“Oh just come lay down, you know that’s not-“

“I know, I know” he murmured playfully as he laid beside her. She huffed out a breath dramatically and he grinned, pulling her against him. It was strange to be so close to him, teasing and laughing again. She liked it though, and so did he.

Klaus shifted himself under the duvet and pulled it around them. He hadn’t had a girl in his bed for a while, especially the past few months. All he could think of was her so why would he want some other woman? It had been even longer since he had a girl in his bed with no expectations of sex. That hadn’t happened in decades.

Something about it was nice, innocent.

Y/n on the other hand had never shared a bed with a man, never been touched or ever really thought that a guy would want to touch her. She didn’t think Klaus would either, especially not when she looked like she did. She’d lost a lot of weight from the chemo, her stamina was low, she bruised easy and she had no hair which threw most boys off. Boys her own age at least. Not Klaus.

He couldn’t have cared less about something so simplistic. Sure, she had pretty hair at one point but it didn’t define her. He liked her as she was, of course he wanted her to be cancer free and happy but he’d still love her while she wasn’t.

Love. Was it too strong of a word? He wasn’t sure.

Especially not when he was looking at her like he was now. Seeing her so openly vulnerable and curled up against him, sleepy eyes set on the tv and her body hidden under the quilt though he could feel her legs touching his.

It wasn’t long before they were snuggled up and half asleep. She was barely conscious when Elijah’s head popped into the room to check on Niklaus. The brothers had a brief conversation on how the night went, Elijah expressed his caution around their mother Klaus said he couldn’t be bothered with it anymore. Elijah left when Y/n began to stir and Klaus’s focus became her.

He slept with her throughout the night, he woke to find her missing and his heart sank. Thankfully she wondered back in from the bathroom a few minutes later and crawled back to bed with a yawn. Klaus’s lips upturned and he pulled her close again. She looked up at him with a small smile which grew when their eyes met.

“Hi” she whispered and he smiled

“Hi” he uttered back, pulling her as close to his side as he could before she was under him. She glanced to the time, seeing it was still really early. She groaned softly and closed her eyes. Klaus hummed softly and brushed the backs of his fingers across her cheek bones softly. “You look so pretty” he whispered.

Her cheeks tinted red and she rolled onto her side to hide her face from him but it only resulted in him spooning her. He kissed the back of her head making her go redder and her fingers to hold onto the sheets beneath. Klaus pressed close to her, too close. The second she felt something hard against her backside her body went tense and she panicked. Klaus felt her fear and quickly pulled himself away from her but she was already getting out of bed.

“I have to go, I’m sorry” she whispered, heading for the door but he sped infront of her.

“Love-“

“I gotta go”

“Let me drive you, and at least give you something to wear” he mumbled, disappointed with himself for scaring her. She nodded when she realised she was still in just her underwear and his shirt. He sped into Rebekah’s room which was unsurprisingly empty as she had ended up staying the night in Damon Salvatores bed.

He came back and she pulled the jeans on before he drove her home. It was quiet and he hated that he’d ruined the night. He should have thought about it and known she wouldn’t want that, he hadn’t intended to do anything other than sleep but she was so close and he couldn’t help but want. His desire always won though in this case it made him lose big time.

He apologised quietly when she got out the car and she told him it was okay and that she overreacted. Neither of them were particularly pleased with how they responded.

Y/n thought about how the moment could have played out a hundred times over and kicked herself for not just letting him have her. But she knew she would have regretted it.

They both decided to pretend the incident didn’t happen when they saw eachother next. Klaus had turned up on her doorstep that same night, it was clear he had been crying but she mention it. She wrapped her arms around him as he told her that his family had left again and that his mother wanted him dead. She ended up back in his bed, using his chest as a pillow once more.

In fact she ended up in his house, his bed a lot. Especially as her chemo treatment continued, when she wasn’t in hospital he managed to coax her to his house.

“I enjoy our sleepovers” he teased making her bite back a smile and glare playfully.

“Technically you don’t even need sleep” she reminded and he rolled his eyes.

“Well I like sleeping with you” he murmured with a wink and she laughed.

For a little while, things seemed to be getting better. She felt happier and somewhat healthier. She was more confident in herself when Klaus was around, he helped her see her beauty and her worth. For a moment she truly believed that everything would be better.

But things could never just be so simple.

At the end of her chemotherapeutic treatment, she went into the hospital as expected. Klaus didn’t go with her this time, Y/n had told him that the appointment wasn’t for another week because she wanted good news as a surprise.

How she wished it was good news.

She knew as soon as she saw the nurses face. When she told her that the treatment hadn’t worked the way they hoped, she just nodded and asked how much she owed. They shook their heads and reminded her that it was ‘free’ and she went home.

All this had done was just confirm that she wouldn’t live even half of what everyone else would. A quarter if she was lucky.

Vampire blood couldn’t save her, magic couldn’t save her. She just had to accept it and live with it for however long.

That wasn’t even the hard part for her, the hard part was telling Klaus.

After her appointment she went back to his home. He wasn’t in but she went up to his room anyway, besides it was basically her soon now too.

She stared at the bed, god she loved that bed. It was like a cloud and when she had Klaus holding her tight aswell? She only hoped heaven would be similar.

She tapped her fingers against her arm as she thought. With a sigh she went and had a shower, got back out and stared at herself in the full length mirror that Klaus had in his bathroom for whatever reason. She smiled and laughed through her nose at the thought.

Y/n had a lot of clothes at Klaus’s now, she pulled on one of the only actual sets of underwear she owned and sat down on the bed. She adjusted the straps on her bra for a few minutes and fiddled with her panties so they sat how she wanted them to.

Klaus was home shortly after and made his way upstairs to his room. His breath got caught in his throat the second he saw her.

They teased eachother and made little jokes about sex, they both entertained the idea in their heads but he never actually thought she would be the one to make the move.

He didn’t know what the final push was that made her give in but he wouldn’t push it away.

Within seconds he was on that bed, gently pushing her down onto her back and hovering over her. His lips met hers in a deep passion that heated them both. Her legs were nudged apart so he could lay between them. She kissed him back with as much love as should had in an effort to make him understand how much he meant to her.

His hands stroked up her sides gently, holding her waist perfectly. His mouth pressed to hers repeatedly before moving down to her neck. Y/n’s eyes kept shut as she felt the soft tingle of every touch, her hands slid down and unbuckled his belt. She pulled it through the loops with a tug and pushed it aside.

Klaus pulled back and looked down at her hands, he gently took them in his hands and lifted them to his lips, kissing the backs of them. “We don’t need to rush, we have all the time in the world” he whispered, the words made her eyes prick with tears but she held them back.

“I know…I just need you now” she told him quietly making him smile. He leant back down and kissed from her collarbone down. Y/n watched as goosebumps lined her skin and his hands slid her panties down her legs slowly so that she had the option to stop him.

He pressed soft kisses to her knees and then up along her thighs. His hands caressed her legs gently as he pressed an open mouthed kiss to her pussy. Y/n’s body jerked away from his mouth at the unfamiliar feeling and he smiled.

“It’s alright love, I’ve got you” he told her before running his tongue through her folds and up to her clit. Her legs went over his shoulder as her hands went to his hair, feeling the soft curls as her body filled with heat. Klaus rest his head against one of her thighs so he could look up at her as his tongue flicked gently at her little button. Her brows pulled together and a soft sound escaped her as she felt his teasing.

“Klaus” she whispered softly, a slightly tremble in her voice as his fingers made their way up and gently traced her pussy lips. He hummed quietly in response, letting the gentle vibrations tickle her nerves pleasantly. The words ‘I love you’ were on the tip of her tongue but she didn’t utter them, not yet. She worried that he would want to know why she chose now to tell him, why now to give herself to him. And if he did find out why, everything would be ruined.

A shaky breath left her and she put her focus back on him. She pulled at his soft hair gently, telling him to give her more and he eagerly obliged. He slipped a finger into her halfway, moving it slowly to help ease the foreign feeling upon her. His tongue still licked at her clit, though now with a little more pressure.

Her back arched a little and a breathy moan left her lips making him push his finger in so it was knuckle deep before pulling it out with a slight curve. He watched her tighten around nothing as her hips rolled a little to try get his touch back inside her.

“Do you like how it feels love?” He murmured with a kiss to her clit. She nodded and pulled at his curls gently.

“I do” she whispered “I love it” she confirmed and he smirked a little.

“I love it too” he smiled and sucked her clit into his mouth making her squirm and moan his name. She inhaled deeply and leant her head back against the pillows and two fingers began to stretch her open as they pushed in as far as they could’ve.

She took soft but long breaths as her body filled with heat and her hips ground her pussy against his fingers as they curled into her and found her spot. Her back curved off the bed and he smiled to himself, happy to bring her pleasure.

His fingers met the thrusts of her hips and his tongue lay flat against her clit, letting her rub against it as quick as she needed. A soft cry left her and her pussy squeezed his fingers tightly, her thighs squished his head making him chuckle and suck on her softly. He pulled away before she could come undone and pulled her down the bed so her legs were at his hips instead.

He leant down to kiss her lips making her wrinkle her nose and dodge him.

“Sweetheart, you can’t deny my kisses now” he murmured as she wriggled.

“You can’t kiss me after that” she whined and he laughed

“You taste lovely” he teased

“I’m good not knowing” she laughed and he narrowed his eyes before attacking her with kisses all over her face making her squeal and push at his chest playfully. Eventually he caught her lips and had her succumb to the kiss. A soft moan escaped her and he smiled.

“Can I keep going love?” He asked softly as he used one of his hands to undo his jeans. She nodded kissed his jaw softly, her eyes fluttering as she felt his bare legs against hers. Her body tensed for a moment as his cock rest against her thigh and her hand gripped his shoulder. “I’ll be slow” he whispered, “don’t worry Y/n”.

She nodded again and tightened her legs round his waist. Klaus cupped the back of her head with one hand while the other guided his tip into her weeping hole. She whimpered at the stretch and he kissed her cheek, holding her close.

She nuzzled close and clung to him as he pushed another two inches into her and gently rocked in and out of her, getting another inch into her with each thrust until eventually she took all of him. He stayed they for a while, stroking away the little tears that gathered in the corners of her eyes and kissing her lips softly.

“It’s okay love” he told her gently, “you know I’ve got you”

She nodded weakly and kept her face in the crook of his neck as he began to move again. Soft little moans slipped past her lips and vibrated against his throat as he thrust into her slowly. His hips moved perfectly to stroke all the right places inside her.

Y/n’s hands held onto him tightly, so did her pussy.

Klaus kissed her skin gently as he rocked into her, his hand slid down between their bodies and he began to stroke her swollen clit. She let out a little cry and he grunted as his cock was squeezed.

“You’re doing so good sweetheart” he murmured as he began to speed up. His eyes closed as he focused on pleasing her body, he could hear the repeated sound of his skin meeting hers along with the whimpers that tumbled past her mouth. He could feel her body growing tired and knew she wouldn’t be able to go on much more. He stroked her skin soothingly while his other hand rubbed quick circles on her pretty clit.

Her body tensed and she cried his name as her body let go around his. Klaus hugged her close as he thrust into her slowly, his hips came to a stop and she panted softly for air. He kissed her lips softly and pulled out. His hand stroked his cock quickly and he squeezed it tightly until he came onto her stomach. She moaned softly and tugged at him for a kiss.

His lips pressed to hers lovingly and rolled onto his back, pulling her ontop of him. Y/n smiled down at him and caressed his chest gently.

“I love you” she whispered and his heart warmed even more

“I love you too” he told her, wrapping his arms around her waist and sitting up. He stood up with her in his arms and carried her to the bathroom. He turned the shower on and brought them both under the warm water.

“I can stand” she mumbled and he hummed but didn’t put her down. Instead he kept ahold of her as he helped clean them both off. She leant against him, her head in his neck as he wrapped a towel big enough to be a double duvet. He kissed her head and dried them off before setting her back on his bed. He pulled one of his shirts over her head and pulled some panties up her legs. “Thank you” Y/n whispered with a smile.

“Of course” he smiled back and laid beside her in his sleep pants. Klaus held her to him, his lips pulled up in contentment and he closed his eyes. He held her close they slept and woke up early to prepare breakfast.

Klaus wanted this relationship to be right. He wanted to treat her like he knew he could and show that he meant his love for her. So he went downstairs and cooked up some pancakes and bacon for his girl. He plated it up and poured them both drinks, he set the table for them and made his way back upstairs.

His movements faltered for a moment as he heard the sound of gagging. Hurriedly he made his way to the bathroom to see her heaving over the toilet. Quickly he kneeled beside her and caressed her back, her hand reached for tissue as she wiped her mouth, dumping the tissue ontop of her sock and flushing the toilet. He helped her up and wrapped his arms around her waits from behind as she brushed her teeth. She apologised quietly but he shook his head and kissed her cheek.

“I got you something love” he told Y/n softly before leading her downstairs. She looked up at him with a soft look in her eyes as he pulled out her seat at the table. She sat down and smiled as he pushed her in and sat opposite her with his food also.

“You know you didn’t have to?” She whispered softly and Klaus hummed

“Of course I did” he answered “I’ll always look after you”

Y/n’s smile wavered a little but she pulled back together. They ate their food and she helped him clean up. After they got dressed and he started to talk. When Klaus starts talking he doesn’t tend to stop until he absolutely has to.

Usually Y/n didn’t mind his rants and rambles but this time it was about them. He started going on about all the things they could do together and how once her cancer was gone then they would go wherever she wanted and he went on and on. After a while however, Y/n just couldn’t help it.

Her eyes had been watering for a full twenty minutes and as soon as the first tear fell, well it was like a waterfall. Klaus’s face dropped within seconds and his heart sunk. Panic flooded him and he quickly pulled her into his lap. He tried to calm her but had no idea what was wrong to begin with. Well not at first.

She tried to leave, push him away like she knew she should have at the start. He wouldn’t let her though. Not now. He had to block the exit, ended up yelling for her to tell him what was wrong. Instead of an actual answer she told him that she didn’t want to be with him, she began to say hurtful things. She needed him to not love her. Not if there was no hope of living. She didn’t want to leave him missing her, she would rather he hated her and was glad she was gone. Or at least that’s how she thought in that moment.

Klaus was never good when it came to emotions. He didn’t understand the sudden change of heart, the hatred that suddenly blossomed. But he knew something was wrong, she didn’t look angry or disgusted by him like she tried to claim she was. She just looked scared and borderline devastated.

He stared at her for a while and she didn’t dare say anything else. Klaud didn’t want to believe it to begin with. But it was the only thing that made sense. With slight hesitation he stepped to her, he overpowered her shoving hands and forced her into a hug. It only took a moment for her to collapse into it, cries shaking through her without a break.

“I’m gonna take you everywhere” he mumbled softly, kissing her smooth head continuously. She made a sound of distress and she shushed her gently “anywhere you want sweetheart. It doesn’t matter how long we have, I will not have you live it alone and in self-pity” he argued and she shook.

He picked her up and sat down with her on the sofa, he grabbed a world map and brought it over to her. “Come on love, you choose somewhere and I’ll get us in a plane, have you ever flown?” He asked, swallowing any tears or sadness down. Right now he just needed to keep her with him. He would go anywhere, do anything to ensure that she was happy for however long she had to live.

“We can’t just-“

“Yes we can. We will. We don’t even have to pack, I’ll buy you everything new from wherever we go. Just pick a continent, we’ll do a country from each and see how you’re feeling before we go again” he whispered, desperation seeping into his tone.

“You’re making it worse for yourself” she uttered, wiping her tears.

“It’ll be a hundred times worse if I’m not with you” he argued, a tear dropping from his lashes.

They both went quiet and let the situation fully dawn on them for a little while. Finally Y/n glanced to the map. “I’ve always heard Europe was pretty” she mused quietly and Klaus wiped his eyes, pulling a smile onto his face as he pulled her close and kissed the side of her head.

“It’s beautiful. I’ll call for a private jet and we shall leave in a few hours. Would you like to tell your family that you’ll be away?” He asked but she shook her head no. “Then please, just trust me my love?”

“I do…and I’m sorry for-“

“Don’t be. Just know that I love you and that I will always have you no matter what” he told her, a kiss to her lips to seal the promise.

“I love you” she uttered, they repeated it back to one another as she made her way into his lap and rest her face in his neck.

Everything else was forgotten.

The doppelgänger, hybrids, Salvatore’s, Mikaelsons. They would all have to wait.

[toysrguts]

smiling friends headcanons!! :D

i have smiling friends brainrot

allan:

•wine is his de-stresser. after a long shift he likes to go home and sip on a glass of wine while watching shit TV like some kind of cool guy

•doesn't smoke cigarettes often but will bum one off of charlie sometimes during their breaks

•bites people he loves :)

•perhaps his dr. monsters appointment with dr. monster was an appointment to assess him for OCD

•very very particular about the way he likes things and hates unexpected change in his routine

•also a math god he's like a walking calculator

•always helping other people reach things that they cant

•he has to be like 6’3 or something probably

•autism be damned my boy can work a grill (he can cook really well)

•in fact hes often the one cooking meals for the other smiling friends

•he also lovessss to garden its one of his favorite hobbies

•he grows his own vegetables to cook with and flowers to decorate his home :)

•i feel like this man would get down to some queen or duran duran

•he’ll listen to pretty much anything but i feel like he would gravitate towards 80s classics

•used to own a car that he loved but it broke down and he never bought another one

•went to school for engineering and started volunteering at smiling friends after graduating as kind of a placeholder job, but loved it so much it became his full time job

•cheese is his safe food

•had to wear glasses when he was younger but felt like they deterred the ladies so he switched to wearing contacts

•probably drinks black coffee like a fucking freak

•either that or he adds oat milk

•hes pretty anxious and freaks out a lot and will also snap if he has sensory overload

•wears noise canceling headphones a lot cause too much noise drives him insane

•HATES fabric touching his skin but will still wear a tie cause “it’s classy” and will wear clothes if hes out in public

•once took a trip to france and almost didnt come back cuz it was like cheese heaven

•goes clubbing during some of his nights off and is a karaoke GOD

•also goated at chess and gets heated during a game of scrabble

charlie:

•definitely sneaks a cart into work every day

•if allan didn’t cook this dude would go into debt from ordering takeout every day

•was raised mostly by his uncle cause his parents werent always around, and they're more like really good friends now that hes older

•grew up poor and had a pretty hard childhood overall but he doesn't dwell on it too much

•relieves his stress and frustration by terrorizing people in fortnite lobbies

•the smiling friends hq is air conditioned 24/7 per his request, he's heat sensitive and sweats EXCESSIVELY

•uses axe body spray to mask the stench

•his living conditions are depressing to look at, the only furniture in his apartment is a mattress and an old camping chair he borrowed from his uncle years ago

•also probably owns a shelf dedicated to lego builds

•he spends like 90% of his time in his bed if not working

•his morning routine consists of waking up disoriented asf, throwing on some clothes laying on the floor, forgetting to brush his teeth and walking out the door

•was exposed to shock sites wayyy too young

•acted out and got in trouble a lot in his adolescence but now just likes to keep to himself for the most part

•believe it or not he was baptized as a baby

•started caring about life a little more ever since experiencing hell

•feel like he likes music his uncle showed him as a kid, maybe judas priest and whitesnake type shit

•doesn’t even have to say anything when he goes to salty’s cause hes a regular and they know his exact order

•thats a bisexual man if ive ever seen one

•the hat hides his receding hairline lul

•has a fat ass surgical scar on his nose from when james ripped it off

•wears the same beat up white adidas shoes and got in highschool

•owns one of those “dubstep, weed and jacking off” shirts

•hes an only child but pim is like a brother to him

•had a family dog growing up and is a dog person overall

pim:

•begs to play roblox when anyone else is playing video games in the office

•curls up into a ball when he sleeps

•also will freak out without a night light

•his room is definitely littered with stuffed animals

•grew up watching mlp (g1) and probably still owns some pony figures

•and says “hello everypony!!” when entering a room

•played a LOT of browser and flash games as a youngster like club penguin and moviestar planet

•genuinely finds beauty in everything i wish i was on his level of joy and whimsey

•would totally listen to vocaloid and would totally go on a super long tangent about how its so cool and holograms are so cool

•also has a collection of light sticks and miku plushies and definitely kisses his miku poster goodnight

•i feel like he ate paint chips as a child

•craves social interaction cuz his parents had a rocky marriage and were neglectful and his sister treated him like shit when they were kids

•his sister would tug on his nerve ending when she got annoyed

•having a rough upbringing and dysfunctional family is what pushed him to start working for smiling friends, hes genuinely passionate about making people smile and just wants to help people who are in bad situations like he was

•prone to panic attacks :(

•sings little songs to calm himself down

•flails his arms or jumps around when hes excited

•still uses pool floaties when swimming lmao

•also still loves to dress up and play pretend as an adult

•mmmmm loves sweets what is a nutritious meal?????

•wore glasses growing up but just kind of stopped for some reason probably cuz his eyes are fucking massive

glep:

•chronic cyberbully-er

•tells people to kts in his gibberish language when they annoy him

•has most likely caused several wars across the globe

•puts whatever he wants on the tv and then hides the remote and watches everyone fight over who took it

•small but lets out the most diabolical burps imaginable

•is fluent in every single language on earth and probably space too

•absolutely brainrotted from that ipad he wont stop watching skibidi toilet

•unties peoples shoes when theyre not paying attention

•little guy has never known sobriety in his life

•has so many random ass pictures and videos saved on his tablet

•hes like a little vlogger

•if someone says or does something he doesnt like he’ll probably hire a hitman on them

•definitely has access to the deep web

•hates gardening but will help allan out with it once in a while for something in return (like a grilled cheese or some weed or something)

•also will sit next to allan while hes cooking so he can eat all the scraps

[princessjojo-x]

CancerVenus ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

💝 he’s unlikely to make the first move, unless he’s known you for awhile & has good reason to believe his feelings are reciprocated. even after you’ve both shown mutual interests & began dating one another, he’ll resist being the first to confess feelings & he may even take his feelings to the grave. he’d much prefer you to open up first which will allow him to feel comfortable enough to open up too. he’s far too sensitive & reserved to risk being rejected in any capacity.

💝 usually, it takes awhile for him to become emotionally invested in a partner. he may act quite aloof & hard to read with love interests. he may hide or sabotage in order to refrain from falling too deep in love. he will analyse & evaluate before opening the door to his heart. you’ll need to prove to him that you’re dependable, familiar, safe & nurturing.

💝 his emotional state is vey changeable & unstable. it’s possible that this originated from a cataclysmic emotional event in which his ability to feel inwardly secure has been serverely compromised. old wounds & past traumas can heavily influence his present rxships & cause him to react from a place of fear rather than love. he has a tendency to become engrossed in memories, potentially distorting them, leading to psychic disharmony. he has a deep connection to the past, making it difficult to make room for new memories with a new significant other.

💝 despite him continuously learning a lot of hard lessons through love, somehow he never gives up on love. once the hard crab shell comes off, he is extremely nurturing & protective. he can even be smothering & clingy. he overwhelms his lover with attention.

💝 he’s emotionally intelligent & he encourages others to let out their emotions. if you’re going through emotional distress he naturally responds with nurture, wisdom & support. his way of connecting with others is by revealing something emotional.

💝 however, he has potential to become a covert narcissist & he can be emotionally manipulative (blaming his partner for his own low mood, especially since he take everything she says personal).

💝 he may be a quiet, shy, moody, submissive & vanilla lover. but he’s extremely loyal, willing to weather the storm & not easily bored.

💝 he has a fear of being too vulnerable & even verbalising what he needs or feels can be too exposing for him (its an instinctual response to his distrust of most people). therefore, he has a silent emotional expectation that his partner should somehow know just what he needs without him even verbalising it. when these needs are unmet, he can react very badly, from deeply crushing silent treatment to extreme anger outbursts. this can leave his partner feeling like she has to walk on egg shells around him!

💝 he usually has healthy self-worth, influenced by family perceptions & upbringing.

💝 you will know someone with cancer placements is taking you srsly & trusts you when they invite you to their home bc their home is a very important place to them. it’s where their personality shines, it’s their walls full of pictures of family & friends, books their mother read to them when they were little, blankets their grandmother made for them. they can’t let go of these things so when they let you inside their little shell, you can tell they put a huge amount of trust in you, they don’t do that with just anyone.

💝 he holds grudges a lot bc it's the only way to stop him from forgiving others.

💝 if you try to lie to him he’ll always have receipts ready!

💝 all cardinal venus signs tend to stop making efforts in their rxships once they get the person they were chasing, then either leave or complain about how boring things got.

💝 typically, if he isn’t interested in someone he will fabricate an excuse instead of telling her bluntly bc he doesn’t want to make her feel rejected & sad, a feeling he knows too well.

Turn On’s:

💝 he prefers love over lust. infant, being loved is more important to him than anything else.

💝 he seeks a partner who is emotionally understanding & provides him emotional security.

💝 ensure to give him lots of physical affection bc he establishes trust through physical touch. the best method to calm him down is literally giving him a hug.

💝 he loves a woman who’s the perfect blend of docile & dominant. dominant in the sense that she’ll be mature, reliable & persistent (he loves the mother archetype, being babied by a partner who feels like home). docile in the sense that she is willing to taking care of him & cater to him. he may even like passivity & receptivity in women, where he is the one providing & she can receive it.

💝he likes sweet, soft, gentle, delicate, nurturing, compassionate, patient women with feminine energy. create a warm, loving space for him to relax in at the end of the day or be willing to listen to how his day went.

💝 treat him like a priority & make him feel important. he needs constant reassurance, comfort, safety & vulnerability. ts

💝 his ideal partner has a water sign moon or ascendant.

💝 he wants someone with a strong connection to family or someone who wants to build a family (family oriented).

💝 ask him abt his rxship with his mum as he may have a mommy kink or mommy issues (or he may tend to attract people with mommy issues).

💝 sexually, he needs very strong touch, holding & kissing in order to feel sexually secure & trusting. unless he feels emotionally safe, he’ll feel sexually insecure.

💝 to impress him, dress a tad more modest & traditional, he likes a gentle aesthetic. he likes the colours of the moon (white, grey, light blue). don’t dress with too many colours or patterns. show da titties off, cancer placements love titties.

💝 he finds shy people super cute & charming.

💝 all water venus’s want emotional security. they want to be able to have a safe space & build a deep bond (they lacked this this security growing up). they want to feel spiritually bonded with their partner.

Turn Off’s:

💝 he loves to talk abt his feelings so he’s turned off by overly aggressive, emotionally closed off, overly confident, arrogant, aloof, flashy & inconsiderate women.

💝 he dislikes being rushed or pushed to make decisions. he moves at his own pace & if he become overwhelmed, he’ll retreat.

💝 he’s turned off if you don't let him in bc he likes to build a full connection asap & may have problem with the waiting stage. he wants to be sure things are going steadily in the direction of you being fully open to him, fully trusting in him & being an open book for him to read. he craves that intimacy & prefers love over lust, so if you don’t share yourself fully too it may annoy him.

💝 he’s turned off when you make him feel left out, unwanted & refuse to take his feelings into account (same for all water venus).

💝 telling him he makes you feel super uncomfortable & unsafe. telling him that he’s creepy, perverted & gross.

💝 rejecting his cuddles & food.

[nerdyjournals]

Flowers have sad meanings too

Florist!Y/N

Many believe that working in a flower shop is all gumdrops and rainbows, but it's not. It's stories of heartbreak and sadness. I wish I could remember their names, but I can't grieve every one of them. No matter how hard I try.

Author's Note: 3/8 of these mini tales are based on encounters I have had while working in my field. They are INSPIRED and not exact.

DISCLAIMER: ANY SIMILARITIES THESE ENTRIES HAVE TO A PERSON, PLACE, EVENT, OR SITUATION IS COINCIDENTAL AND NOT INTENDED TO MIMIC ANYONE.

WARNING: THIS PIECE TOUCHES ON DEATH AND ITS AFFECTS, SUBJECTS OF DEPRESSION, AND ASSUMED SU1C1D3. IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO SUBJECTS LIKE THESE, PLEASE SKIP THIS POST.

Boy #1

He was a boy with his whole life ahead of him. His mother said that he was very protective of his siblings, so protective that it's what took him.

She said it was a break in, one that happened in the dead of night. She never heard it. All she heard was the sound of her daughter screaming for help as her husband tackled the man to the floor. She didn't even hear the gun go off.

He was on his way to college in the fall, full ride. He was very talented. They hope to release his works down the road, but for now, some things stay locked away. Not because they're bad or sad, but because the grief was too fresh.

Boy #2

He was an interesting story. A quiet kid that everyone thought was mean, but was a very sweet guy and an only child. He loved animals.

His flowers were ordered by his friends because his parents were too shattered by the news. One of them couldn't keep it together, ended up telling about him. He was off volunteering to help build houses when one of them collapsed on top of him and a few others. They came out with minor injuries, but he wasn't so lucky. They spew out so many things about his kind heart but stone-like demeanor. It hurt to see that it was also his undoing.

Other families came and ordered, many of them being young kids in the dance classes he taught. Many of the kids still not understanding why their favorite teacher wasn't coming back. His parents finally arrived to order, but my heart was too fragile to be there.

Boy #3

His sister wouldn't stop talking about how he had wanted to do a lot with his life. She said that he was going to the gym everyday to get stronger. He was a gentle soul, a loving gentleman. Sickness took him far too soon.

It started off with a bad cough and a fever, she said. Then it just kept getting worse. By the time he was eighteen, he was fully living in his hospital room. It broke her heart to see how he dwindled away until he was almost nothing but skin and bones. She was thankful that he went in his sleep, going painlessly.

She couldn't stop repeating that she felt like a bad sister, that she should've done more to help him recover. It broke me a little more on the inside when I couldn't tell her that it wasn't up to her to fix him. I could only stay silent.

Boy #4

Only one person ordered him flowers, but it was a lot of flowers. Other than his parents, this boy received flowers from dozens of people. Friends, teachers, acquaintances - you name it. They all ordered through one person as they were the only one in town.

The pieces were extravagant, ranging from small vases to large sprays. They said that they wanted to reflect him; an artist surrounded by colors. No one knows what took him; whether self or sickness. They just found him in his studio one cold winter morning, slumped over an unfinished painting.

They said he'll have a gallery set up after the service, show off the wonders he created. I might go. If not just to see a fellow tortured soul. One day, his name will be known alongside the greats. For now, he'll be known to me.

Boy #5

His flowers were ordered over the phone by his mother, said something about it becoming too final if she stepped into the store.

I heard about this boy on the news. They found him in his car, just off the highway. He was so young, but the demons got to him before anyone else could.

I could only sit silent as she cried in my ear, blaming herself for not helping him. Little does she know the demons live in everyone. Including mine.

Boy #6

This boy was proof that the brightest smiles hide the darkest demons. His sisters couldn't hold themselves together as I flipped through the binder. The older one said that she blamed herself, saying that she should've seen the signs.

He went as he slept, passing in silence. She said that he had been bullied for years, but since he stopped talking about it, they assumed it stopped. They found him gone in the morning. I can never understand how some people find it acceptable to be so harsh to another.

They showed me his photo. He had a bright smile, one that was even wider with his family. It almost breaks my very soul that he suffered alone.

Boy #7

This was my first family order. The poor family was lost due to a faulty monoxide detector. The remaining members were in the middle of suing the landlord on top of mourning the family.

They didn't know until the son failed to show up for school for three days, unlike him they said. Same for the parents.

The boy was said to start high school next year. They were all excited since he would be attending the private school near the edge of town, one that was hard to get into without good grades. Now, the world could never see what he would amount to.

Boy #8

He was a child.

No mother should ever be allowed to outlive her baby. He was innocent, a victim of medical circumstance. They never said what he had, but they ordered him a beautiful urn display.

His younger brother, one still so small, would almost never know about the brother who left too early. His older brother was deployed, but is in an emergency flight back over to give his good byes.

A child...goodness.

[sunnybeewriting]

Finding Purpose

Hey guys! So this is actually only the second thing I have ever written. As well, I’ve only watched the first Avatar a few times and I’ve only seen the second Avatar once since it came to theaters, so I’m not going to pretend I have a lot of knowledge when it comes to Avatar or the culture, animals, or people in it. But I also tried my best to get things accurate, so if things are not then I am sorry! Anyways, if you like it, please leave a like or a comment!

WARNINGS: None

TAGS: Family feels, fluff

WORD COUNT: 5,055

As you prepare for your first solo hunt, you discover what really matters to you and how far you would go to protect it.

Your mind groggily awakens, and your senses slowly come back to you. You’re lying in your bedroll, waking up after a restless night of sleep. You can hear the soft breathing of your siblings still in the room. As you awaken, your thoughts become less like drifting clouds and more of something solid. There was a reason for your restlessness, you recall distantly, something that had made it difficult for you to find sleep. Something that made your body and mind both buzz with anticipation…

Your eyes pop open and you jolt upwards from your resting position.

The hunt is today!

The full force of your elation surges through your veins once more and you quickly bounce from your bedroll and onto your feet. Your siblings are all still asleep in their own sleeping pads, all sprawled with long limbs and soft snoring.

Neteyam has one of his arms thrown around Lo’ak’s neck, holding him tightly in a way that seems almost like a chokehold. On his left side, his other arm is splayed out palm side upwards across Kiri’s stomach, who is almost completely out of her own bedroll. Sweet Tuk lays sleeping closer to the bedroll of your parents; she claims it’s because they don’t toss and turn as much as your shared siblings, but you also think it may be because of how she just likes to be closer to her mom and dad.

Your sleeping pad is on the other side of Kiri, close to the entrance of the tent. Sometimes, when you find it hard to sleep, you like to listen to the sounds of the forest, the calls of the animals and the buzzing of the insects. It’s a calming lullaby that soothes your restless mind and helps you drift back to sleep.

 It’s visible through the fabric of your home tent that it is barely dawn, the morning light still climbing its way into High Camp. Early time of morning or not, it was still the day you had been eagerly waiting a very long time for.

Your parents are already up and out of the tent by this time, performing their duties. Mom was usually gathering fruits and seeds for your siblings to eat when they awakened from their slumber, while Dad was most likely either fishing or seeing to clan tasks. As Olo'eyktan, your father was often busy overseeing the safety of the clan and making sure everything was in order. There are some days when you don’t see him until the next morning when he’s exhausted and grumpy, but you couldn’t be prouder to have him as your dad.

You quietly push open the front flap of the family tent to step outside into the large, shared cave of your clan. The family tents of your people are spread out the entire length of the cave, and you can already see others moving around. The air is fresh and cool against your skin as you continue your path to find either one of your parents. You take a moment to tilt your head back and take a deep breath of cool air into your lungs. Your tail flicks behind you as you walk, and your sensitive ears twitch as you listen to the low murmurings of your people.

You try to remember that you are striving for a relaxed and wise persona as you walk, to show that you are indeed a responsible adult now. Instead of the over-excited and naïve child many of your people still thought you were, you wanted to be seen as an adult. Even with those thoughts at the front of your mind, you can’t stop the smile on your face or the thrilled spring in your step.

As you bound up the steps to a section closer to the entrance of High Camp, where the Omaticaya clan often cooks and eats their meals, you see the back of your mother. She wears her usual attire of leather and flora, her dark hair braided back with feathers and beads. Her tall, slender frame blocks your view of whatever she is working on with her hands.   

You bounce up to her, hands folded neatly behind your back and what you hope is a charming grin on full display. She turns her head around, takes one look at you, rolls her large, golden eyes, and turns back to her work. You would have taken insult to such a lackluster reaction to your arrival if it hadn’t been for the fond little smile that had appeared on her face when she saw you approaching.

“Hey, Mom! Guess what day it is?” you ask gleefully, hugging her around her waist from behind.

Your mother scoffs and gently pats one of the arms around her waist. You let go and move to the side of what she was working on and begin to help, hands quickly and efficiently pulling apart pieces of fruit and placing them on leaf plates.

“Hmmm. Is it perhaps the day of Lo’ak’s first hunt? Or perhaps, Neteyam’s?”

“Yes, yes, very funny.” You say, rolling your eyes in the same fashion she had done earlier. 

She grins back at you, wide golden eyes relaxed, and then sets down what she had been working on. She grabs your hands, curls her fingers around them, and then says, “Oh, Ayviiri, I am so pleased to be here to see your first solo hunt. I know you’ve been waiting for this for a long time, and I commend your patience, something you surely did not get from your father. It was not long ago when I feared I would never see this day. I thank the Great Mother for our blessings.”

Your grip on her hands becomes tight, and you can feel your eyes begin to sting. It wasn’t often either of you became overtly emotional, but on momentous occasions like this, it was a sure thing.

You had yet to be born when your clan’s ancestral Hometree and the Tree of Souls had been destroyed by the Sky People. Both places, sacred and thousands of years old, had been razed to nothing but ash in less than a day. Hundreds of your people had been slaughtered, along with an untold number of ikran and direhorses. Your own mother’s father had died in her arms.

The overwhelming and devastating loss of so many clan members, their home, and their sacred place had shaped your childhood. You grew up seeing what impact that kind of grief had on your mother, as well as The People. It had given you an early appreciation of the simple things, such as your own home and family members. Mom often praised the Great Mother, Ewya, for the health and well-being of her mate and children. She had made sure you and your siblings grew up aware and prepared for how quickly things could change.

“Thank you, Mother.”

She softly grips the back of your neck and presses your foreheads together briefly, eyes gazing into yours. You can see your own reflection in them; your own wide, golden eyes, shape and color matching hers.

Mom had been the one to teach you how to shoot a bow, and Dad had been the one to teach you how to handle a knife and throw a punch. One was to teach you how to hunt, and the other to teach you how to defend yourself and kill anyone who meant you or your family harm.

At your age, you had already completed your Iknimaya and claimed your ikran, as well as made your first kill under your mother’s close, protective observation. Now, it was your turn to prove yourself to the clan that you could provide for yourself, your clan, and your family on your own terms. It was another step closer to becoming recognized as an adult of the Omaticaya Clan. Soon enough, you would complete the Ulitaron and become one of The People. Then, you would choose a mate.

I’m not anywhere near ready for that, though, you thoughtfully acknowledge. Someday you would like a mate, but until that day comes and you met the right person, you are fine just on your own.

She pulls back from you and you both continue to prepare the food in comfortable silence. Once you are finished, she bids you to go back to the family tent and gather your siblings.

You walk back and toss open the front flap of the tent once more. By this time the light coming into High Camp was bright and fierce, and the opening of the flap caused the inside of the tent to light up. A beam speared itself across the faces of Neteyam and Lo’ak, who both flinched and groaned at the disturbance. Kiri, on the other hand, slept on peacefully. Waking Kiri up was often as effective as successfully waking the dead. It seemed like she could sleep through anything, any noise or physical commotion. With the sensitive hearing of your species, this was a rare and impressive thing for one of your people to be able to do.

Little Tuk was still curled up in her bedroll further into the tent, face smushed into the thin blankets and eyes hiding away from the light. You decide to get her up first before you even try to deal with Kiri. Neteyam and Lo’ak are mostly up already, though their flailing limbs as they struggle to rearrange their position both away from one another and away from the light never fails to make you laugh. Their grumpy complaining, mussed braids, and bleary eyes were hilarious to you.

You approach Tuk and gently lay a hand on her shoulder, rocking her back and forth softly as you rouse her from her sleep.

“Hey Little Tuk, it’s time to wake up. It’s morning already, Mom has food ready for us and everything.”

Tuk whines but lets you pull her from her blankets by her armpits. You heft her up and onto the side of your hip, where she hides her face into the curve of your shoulder to rest a little bit longer. By this time, Neteyam is standing and rolling up his sleeping pad, hair still messy and eyes squinting. Lo’ak, though, is simply sitting up in his bedroll and staring around the tent blankly, clearly still very tired.

“Come on Lo’ak, aren’t you hungry? Mom found some fruit and lionberry seeds, I know those are your favorite.” You say enticingly. “I think Dad might be fishing, too.”

He gives you a roll of his eyes, but he also seems to pep up a little bit at that, finally standing tall and stretching with a loud groan. He bends down to also put away his bedroll. By the time you turn to Kiri, he and Neteyam are already heading outside. They’re also already shoving and teasing each other, which would have made you roll your eyes in fond exasperation if you weren’t already used to it.

You’re still holding onto Tuk when you squat and put a hand on Kiri’s shoulder. This close to her you can hear her soft snoring. You tighten your grip and shake her, gently at first, and then firmer as her snores continued.

“Come on, Kiri! You sleep like the dead. Come on, time to get up, time to rise and shine, let’s go!”

Her grumbling becomes louder as she is rudely roused from her deep sleep, and a pair of bright green eyes blearily glare at you from behind her thin blanket. You smile at her in turn. You’re not usually so happy in the mornings, but it’s a special day.

“There you are! Alright, Mom has food ready at our usual spot. We’ll meet you there!”

It always takes her a few extra minutes to finally rise completely out of her dreams, so you leave the tent and head back to the entrance where your mother and now brothers would be.

Tuk stays on your hip all the while, but her head is now risen and her eyes are alert as she takes in the fresh air around the cave. You can hear her humming a tune just beneath her breath. It reminds you of your mother’s singing, and you smile. You nudge her head with the side of your face, her soft braids tickling your neck. She looks up at you, grins, and continues humming. Usually, she was a talkative little girl, but it was probably too early to expect much enthusiasm.

You reach your family members just as your stomach starts growling. Tuk reaches out for Mom before you even sit down, and you gladly shift your grip and hand her over, hungry and eager to eat. Mom tuts softly before shifting Tuk to her side and sitting down, legs crossed.

Neteyam and Lo’ak are already digging into the leaf plates you had prepared, and you do the same. You savor the sweet taste of the fruit and seeds, juice spilling around your fingers and mouth before you use the back of your hand to wipe it away. You eat until you are full. Mom takes her time eating, pulling apart small pieces of fruit and handing them to Tuk, who eats them just as eagerly as the rest of her siblings.

You turn your head just in time to catch the devious look Lo’ak gives you. You tilt your head and furrow your eyebrows in confusion, curious to see what sort of prank is about to follow. Before you can blink, he starts flicking seeds at Neteyam and then at yourself.  Neteyam and you take the abuse for the first few seeds, before you share a look and team up against your brother, pelting him with seeds from both sides. You both laugh loudly as he squeals, shouting abuse. You only stop when your mother looks up from Tuk to give all three of you a stern look, and all three of you immediately sit back down. You share a guilty look with your brothers, but your mother’s potential disapproval doesn’t stop any of you from slyly smacking each other on the legs outside of her view, just for the fun of it.

So much for being more mature, you think.

You’re almost done with your plate by the time Kiri finally makes it out of the tent and down to your group. She grabs a plate of her own and starts eating before striking up a conversation with your mother.

You sit and listen to the talking of your family members. Mom wipes fruit juice off Tuk’s face and replies to Kiri’s question, while Lo’ak and Neteyam have long since finished their food and are having their own discussion. Usually you would participate, but today your thoughts are elsewhere, already out in the forest. You are still excited, but now that the initial thrill has faded with the early morning, nerves are beginning to fight their way in. You take in deep, full breaths to keep them at bay. You’ve been preparing for this for years, and you are sure you know what you are doing.

There’s no way you’re going to let such a little thing as nerves ruin this for you. Besides, if you weren’t ready, your parents would never allow you to do this. Their confidence in you means everything, and it speaks for itself. If they think you are ready, then you are ready, as simple as that.

That being resolved, you sit up straighter and nod your head firmly, confidence restored. 

Lo’ak is saying something to Neteyam before remembrance appears on his face and he turns to you, interrupting himself mid-sentence to speak with you.

“Ayviiri! I had almost forgotten, today is your first hunt! Are you nervous, are you excited? Have you prepared your weapons? Have you picked your prey?”

Just like you, Lo’ak and Neteyam are eagerly awaiting their first solo hunt. While they have just completed their Iknimaya and claimed their ikran both, they have yet to make their first kill. Neteyam is only a year younger than you, Lo’ak two years, so it won’t be long before they are following in your footsteps and going on their own hunt alone.

Still, you are the eldest sibling, and it feels good to be doing something they have yet to accomplish. You laugh at your younger brother’s charming enthusiasm and say,

“Yes Lo’ak, my bow and arrows are prepared and waiting for me by the tent. As for my prey, Mom and Dad have suggested I choose something on the easier side, so I have chosen to hunt yerik for my first hunt.”

Choosing yerik, an animal certainly not known for its ferocity hadn’t been your initial pick, but you did so to relieve the stress put on your parents. Besides, a hunt was a hunt, and easy prey or not, there were always things that could go wrong. You didn’t mind being cautious, for now; you would have time to prove yourself a capable hunter and warrior in your own right to your siblings, your clan, but most importantly, to your parents.

As well, at least yerik wasn’t as easy of prey as fwampop would be, so there’s that. Yerik’s hearing is exceptionally good, and the scent organs on either side of its head help it smell the presence of a predator. While it wouldn’t be the hardest of hunts, it also wouldn’t be the easiest.

“Yerik. That’s awesome, Ayviiri! I can’t wait until I can go on my own hunt. I bet I’d take down three yerik on my own by the time I get to your age. Or, or talioang, all on my own. Yeah, I bet I’ll even be able to hunt palulukan – ow!” Lo’ak narrowly dodges Neteyam’s second hand that comes swinging over to smack him upside the head again.

“By the time you’re Ayviiri’s age, the only thing you’ll be able to hunt is fwampop, and even then, you’ll probably miss your first shot!” Neteyam throws his head back and laughs heartily at his own joke and his brother’s expense. You can’t help but giggle at the enraged look on Lo’ak’s face, upset at being insulted and having his dreams crushed in one swift blow. Even Mom has a smile on her face as she shakes her head fondly, Tuk giggling at her side as she always does when your brothers play fight.

“Anyways, as I was saying, that’s what I’ll be hunting.”

Mother lifts Tuk from her lap and stands up, resting her hands upon Tuks shoulders. “Well, my children, it is time to begin the day. We will complete our chores, and later today we will see our Marali off to her first hunt.”

And just like that, the excitement of the hunt makes you giddy once again. You leap to your feet, ready to get started. The faster you complete your duties, the faster your hunt begins.

-------

It took you a lot less time than normal to do everything you needed to do. By the time you and your siblings were done, you were all ready for another meal. You sat down beside your mom while Kiri, Neteyam, and Tuk sat nearby. Tuk sat in Neteyam’s lap, laughing at whatever Kiri was saying. You ate your food, careful not to scarf it down and choke in your eagerness.  

“So, what’s Dad doing today?” You ask, picking up a slice of fruit and eating it whole.

“Your father had some issues to resolve within the clan today. Once those are taken care of, he will meet us at the entrance to see you off.”

You nod your head, picking at your plate once more.

“Hey, Mom?”

“Yes, my child?”

“Were you nervous when you went on your first hunt?”

You keep your eyes on your plate, chewing slowly. Your mother stills from where she had been picking up her own food, and then she sets it back down carefully.

“When I went on my first hunt, I wanted to be brave, to bring honor and to provide for my clan. But, I will admit, I was nervous when it came time to leave. I wasn’t so much worried about the kill than I was worried I would somehow make a mistake and come back with nothing, after all that fuss. It has happened before, with much less capable hunters who learned they have better skills in other places. In the end, I stopped thinking with my mind and started trusting my instincts and my skills, and that way I was successful in my first hunt.”

You nod slowly, finally looking up at your mother. She stares back at you, eyes caring and calm, before nodding herself and turning back to her meal.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“Of course, my child.”

-------

You stand at the entrance of High Camp side by side with Neteyam. Mom, Tuk, Kiri, and Lo’ak stand to the side, having their own conversations as you wait patiently for the arrival of your father. Well, they might be waiting patiently. In your case, you are doing your best to remain relaxed, practically bouncing on your feet. The sincere discussion you had with your mother just a few hours ago had helped immensely with your nerves, but you still felt a little uneasy. Which was probably for the best, really; you should never go on a hunt completely calm. That’s a good way to lower your guard and get yourself killed. As your dad likes to say, a little fear is always healthy.

You snap out of your thoughts and realize you had been staring blankly at the ground. You blink a few times and straighten your back, and then realize Neteyam is staring at you expectantly, as though waiting for an answer to a question.

Whoops.

“Uh, what did you say?” You ask guiltily, grinning apologetically.

He stares at you, face serious, before reaching out and placing a firm hand on your shoulder.

“You know you’re going to be fine, right? I’ve been watching you since we were kids. You’re a good hunter, and a good fighter. You’ll do great.”

You look back at him for a few seconds, taking in the kind, sweet face of your little brother before smiling gratefully and placing your own hand on the one resting on your shoulder.

This kid. Sometimes it feels like he’s the older sibling and you are the younger.

“Thanks, Neteyam.”

He smiles back at you gladly before bringing his hand back to his side. He looks behind you, and his smile grows even bigger, transforming into a happy grin.

You’re about to turn to look behind yourself when a firm but gentle hand lands on the curve of your shoulder, and you know who it is without even having to turn around. It’s a familiar and loving weight, one that you’ve known since the day you were born.

You turn around quickly and met the proud eyes of your father, already smiling.

“Dad!” You shout and leap up to wrap your arms around his shoulders in a tight hug. You’d never say it out loud simply to save your pride, but you are very relieved to see him.

He laughs and wraps his own arms around your slender body, and it’s a sound that you feel deep in your bones. You bury your face into his hair, and suddenly everything feels like it’s going to be alright. How could it not, with such a father looking out for you?

“Hey, I saw you last night, you know!” He says, still laughing.

You let go of his shoulders and he drops you down to your normal height. He clasps his hands onto your shoulders and takes you in, all the way from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.

Your hair is in loose braids like your mother, about the same length too, if a bit longer. In honor of such an occasion, your mother had gifted you new wrist and forearm covers she had made herself. Your dad gave you a pendant made from a rare metal he carved himself, to wear around your neck. You wear both items proudly today. What little attire you have on you is that of your people, leather and flora, mostly, with a few wrappings around your limbs and beads and feathers in your hair. You have the eyes and face shape of your mother, with the same smile as your father. The same heart, too, your mother once said. Strong. Protective. Kind.

It was the greatest compliment she could have ever given you.

“Look at you.” The words are said with pride. “My firstborn, my daughter, already onto her first hunt. There is no one I would rather have as one of my children. I know that you will make wise choices and will bring honor to our family and our clan. I am proud of all you have accomplished, daughter, and I know you will accomplish even more.”

For a moment you are struck silent, before your eyes well up. You’re barely able to make out a small, choked, “Thanks, Dad”, before he is pulling you in for another hug. When he releases you, he grasps your face and presses his forehead against yours in the same way your mother had earlier that day.

He looks into your eyes, you look into his, and you see him. Everything that he is, that he once was, that he one day will be. His strength, his ferocity, his love. And he sees you. You know this, deep in your very heart, your very soul. Your father sees you. Your determination, your love, your own ferocity that echoes both his and your mother’s.

You are seen, you try to say, I see you, Dad. But the words remain choked in your throat.

From the soft look on his face, though, you know he knows what you are trying to convey.

He lifts his forehead from yours, hand still on your face and neck, and says to your mother, “We have raised good children, Neytiri.”

Your mother approaches you and strokes a knuckle down your cheek. She looks her mate in the eyes, voice soft and quiet, and says, “Yes, my Jake, we have.”

Your father smiles gently and lets go of you to take your mother’s hand. Then he turns his attention to the rest of his children, and gestures for them all to come together. Lo’ak, Kiri, Tuk, and Neteyam all step forward into the circle of your parents and yourself, and you wrap one arm around the shoulders of Lo’ak and the other around Kiri, bringing them in closer.

Dad picks Tuk up quickly into the air, grinning when she lets loose a shrieking giggle. He uses the other hand not supporting her weight on his side to wrap an arm around Neteyam’s shoulder and bring him in close, hugging him to his chest and whispering words into his ear before repeating the process with Lo’ak and Kiri.

You’re glad to see you’re not the only one from the Sully family with watery eyes after your father speaks with them. Once Kiri is released, she steps back and pretends like she’s not wiping at her eyes with the corner of her shawl. Neteyam has to blink a few times to clear away his tears, and poor, sweet Lo’ak was the worst of us when faced with his father’s praise, swallowing a few times and blinking furiously.

You love your family.

It’s a fierce feeling, but not at all sudden or new. It’s a feeling you have every time your mother sits you down to carefully braid your hair, every time Lo’ak brings you in for a hug. You feel it every time Tuk snuggles into your side while you sit around a fire, listening to your father tell stories of his past.

It’s there when Neteyam laughs, or when he comforts you or your siblings. It’s there when an ever-curious Kiri asks a question or tells you a fact you had never known before. You felt it when your father taught you how to throw a punch, and it was there when you were thirteen and he taught you how to curse in his first language, far away from the ears of your mother.

This is your family, and you will do anything you have to do to protect it.

Suddenly, you have found your purpose in this world. This is it; nothing more, nothing less. You will protect those you love with everything you have, or you will die trying.

Your realization reignites your determination, and you shift into a more relaxed position. You know who you are and what you can do. All that’s left is to get out there and do it.  

Your father turns back to you, and if he notices the change in your eyes, he doesn’t mention it. He simply takes the large bow from your mother’s hands, the bow your mother and father had helped you make, looks you in the eye, and presses it into your hands.

“Be strong. Be wise. Be safe. And remember, no matter what happens, Sully’s stick together.”

You return his gaze and nod.

He nods and takes a step backward, leaving you with your bow in your hands. You fix it over your back, double-check you have your knife and quiver of arrows, and look back at your family.

They stare back at you. Dad is still holding Tuk, his other arm wrapped around Neteyam’s shoulders. Mom has one arm wrapped around Kiri, her other holding Lo’ak to her.

You take one last moment to look at your loved ones, and then you turn and leave High Camp without a backward glance.

Once you reach the edge of the line that leads into the thicker part of the forest that contains your prey, you turn back around and raise your bow. You call out a warrior’s cry, and in the distance, you can hear and see your family do the same, arms raised above their own heads as they cried out.

You turn back around, and with the cries of your family echoing in your ears and your heart, you begin your hunt.

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Izuku & Touya Parallels;

Thanks, anon ^^ and well, the biggest foil of Izuku is Tenko and the biggest foil of Touya is Shouto but there are definitely parallels between Shouto and Tenko, Touya, and Izuku. What makes them similar is that how both Tenko and Shouto were the youngest child, the center of the family's attention, and groomed by adults, treated as "special kids". And in Izuku and Touya's case, it's the opposite. Their story is about they are not enough, they are not chosen, they are invisible kids and their problems are overlooked by adults around them.

They also share similar characteristic traits, such as being passionate about their dream. They are vulnerable and sensitive and non-masculine. Both Deku and Touya are invisible children. They think they are far from their dreams but they never give up. They are so stubborn, no matter how much people told them they continue to try to achieve their dreams. They refuse to choose another way for life. They both are hardworking kids who are full of passion and tension. They are obsessive. Deku with Allmight, Touya/Dabi with Endeavour.

They are both hard workers who always do their best to achieve their goals. They seem to have good analysis skills when it comes to quirks. They both are crybabies. They are self-destructive, they think it is okay to get hurt. They have very low esteems. They tend to neglect their close ones when it comes to making plans, Deku's constantly focusing on the hero's job, instead of discussing with friends about his issues could be seen as similar to Dabi's own agenda. It is almost like there is always some part of them they don't want to show to other people, the side they feel insecure about themselves which is most likely they don't really much aware of it. Characters like Tomura and Shouto have their own agendas too but they don't really try to hide it. Shouto simply doesn't want to discuss his private life while Tomura doesn't even remember it. But Deku and Dabi try to do things on their own.

Both Izuku and Touya are 'disabled'. They both live with the same unhealthy mentality and everything they do is related to this mindset. Because the idea that they are not enough didnt go away. In a society where everyone have quirks, Izuku has no quirk and Touya has the worst type of combination quirk and his quirk is literally killing him. Hero-or-Quirk society treats people depending on their quirks, depending on their worth. Not only society, it also happens with people around them. Izuku is brutally abused by Bakugou and Touya is abandoned by his father Endeavour. Which lead them to internalize the idea that they are worthless and useless. To be worthy, they have to prove their worth. Which leads them to self-destruction. This is also the reason quirkless Izuku was obsessed with heroes and later he got his quirk, he breaks his bones every chance he has. And Touya/Dabi burning his own body. Everything they do is related to this mindset, that they are not good enough and they will never be so they have this constant need to prove themselves to others, to prove the world that they are wrong about them.

They desire to be a hero more than anything. It's almost like it is part of who they are as if they have to be heroes to be something. This also tells a lot about the hero society's kids and how heroes are perceived. Touya tells 'Kids in my school all want to be heroes' and Izuku and Tenko don't even have to be heroes to have a job that included helping people but they think they have to be one. Because heroes are seen as positive figures and telling them you can't be one, saying as 'You can't be a positive model for people'. No matter how much they are rejected, they won't give up on their dreams of being a hero. We also see how it messes up kids like Izuku and Touya.

And they don't want to be just any hero, they want to be the greatest heroes. Its literally same desperation. Izuku wants to be just like Allmight and Touya wants to surpass Allmight. Those two kids have their idol heroes too, they idolize them so much, so much that they inherit unhealthy behavior from their idols. Izuku's idol is Allmight, he is like a father to him, he inherits Allmight's idea of self-sacrificing; self-destructive behavior. Touya's idol is his father Endeavour, he inherits a lot of toxic behaviors, such as toxic masculinity, looking down on girls, and seeing people as worthy depending on how useful or strong they are, which makes sense since he was raised by his idol. At least, Deku also inherits positive traits from his idol, such as well saving people.

Another common point is Izuku and Touya were abused but they don't see themselves as victims while these common traits they share with other characters in bnha too but Izuku and Touya have very unhealthy relationships with their abuser. That they have admiration for them and view them as good heroes. Even though both Bakugou and Endeavour share many toxic traits and are one of the main examples of bad heroes (especially at the start of the series). Izuku and Touya take this admiration to the point they will excuse their wrong actions, that it is okay to be hurt by them, which is why Izuku doesn't mind being bullied by Bakugou during the series and Touya is okay with 'training'.

The only and main difference is Touya reached his breaking point. It is important to remember that even after being burnt to death, even after 3 years of coma and losing everything, Touya was still ready to forgive Endeavour, which he realized he will never change, that was the breaking point. This is why you would expect Izuku to snap at Bakugou at some point too but well, I think writing bullying and Izuku's feelings about his abuse is very flawed, unfortunately, otherwise, I think Izuku also felt/feel very angry (besides unhealthy admiration) towards his abuser, just like Touya and Tenko had/has.

They tend to idolize, and become obsessive of people, and follow people they admire and they are also copycats. Izuku is not hiding this side of himself, he always copies other people's moves and make them his own version, especially Allmight's moves. As much as he acts tough and masculine, Dabi is not different. First, he took Stain's ideology, and follow Shigaraki's orders, during the series he is copying Endeavour's moves, and recently, he even copied Shouto's move and make it his own version.

Note; They are not actually copycats since there is nothing wrong with learning new things from other people, especially for fights.

Deku and Dabi are not just self-destructive but they also tend to die dramatically. Deku desperately trying fit into society, he breaks his bones so that he can deserve to be a successor of Ofa/Allmight. This burden he carries is even leads him to distance himself from his friends. Dabi takes revenge on Endeavour and burns himself to death because just like Deku, he has no self-worth. He sees himself as a failure and thats why they both are suicidal. Both Deku and Touya are obsessed with training, they secretly go out their way to train their bodies. They don't trust adults in their lives because they have been failed by them constantly so they don't listen when someone tells them to stop killing themselves. Its not just not caring about himself, even in a situation where they can survive and find better ways, they will plan their death. Deku's plan to die by killing Shigaraki and Dabi's plan to die by killing Endeavour and others can be seen as parallels. Like a martyr.

Their journey is opposite of each other. Touya's origin started as a hero, he was born to be a hero, he was told that he is amazingly special and naturally talented. To the point, there was no life for Touya to live. Being a hero was his identity. And in Izuku's case, he was born into nothing and he is worthless and has no talent and despite wanting to be a hero, he was constantly told that he will never be one. They are both neglected by their fathers, Touya later abandonded by his idol and Izuku’s father isnt around and later he is kinda adopted by his idol Allmight. Touya's journey started as a hero only to later be abandoned and treated as a failure, and nothing. That he will never be enough for what it takes to be a hero. Izuku's journey started as a failure only to later meet with his idol so that he can be a hero. Touya was chosen, a child with full of potential but he was thrown away and Izuku was the unchosen one but he is given a chance into becoming the person he wants to be.

After inheriting one for all, Izuku's pushing his friends is similar to Touya's 'i don't need any friends! We live in different worlds' by a different world, Touya means other people can't understand the legacy he carries, just like Izuku who said similar things to Shouto. 'It is a fight between one for all and all for one. You guys can't keep up.' They are pushing other people because of the legacy of their idols, they think it's better to do it alone, though it is important to remember that they are conditioned to think this way. Endeavour told Touya that he is living in different worlds and that he is the one who isolated him from other kids and Allmight and others did the same. This is why Izuku and Touya believe others can't understand this burden. It is also interesting that even though their journey is opposite of one another, they still have similar mindset and behaviors.

I am sure that there are more parallels between them but for now, thats it. Izuku and Touya have a lot of parallels with Shouto and Tenko. Their journey is parallels with each others and well, Shouto is familiar with Izuku’s destructive side and ‘i dont need help’ attitude, he always notices his pain and he also notices Dabi’s pain so this might help him to save his brother too. Same with Izuku who is familliar with kids who dont want to be saved, it might help him to save Tomura too so yeah. I really wish we get more about them but well, anyway, its fun to analyze them and i think, their parallels are important too.

[chewyjellycable]

Pssst you should info dump on Langue

Anon wants me to talk about Langue??? 🥺🥺🥺 I must give credit to my dear friend Almond who put most of these thoughts in my brain since I'm gonna say a lot of things similar to what he'd say.

For once this post will focus on Langue and won't include things with Bredele since I think I've made enough posts about those two and their dynamic before.

Langue uses they/them and is okay with she/her being used on them- but use he, it, or any other type of pronouns and they're NOT going to be happy. (They prefer being called Ms. or Mx. in honorifics.)

They have incredibly low empathy. Despite being babied and doted on by their parents, it's very hard for them to show anything towards others even if they do like someone else. Their parents thankfully understand and do their best to raise them to their fullest potential.

Unfortunately this "full potential", "always try your best", and compliments on how smart Langue received growing up led to them having a bit of a gifted kid syndrome where they have to be the best or they're not worth anything at all. (Their parents weren't aware of this until it was far too late.) They go into things hoping to be the best, and if they're not, then there's no point in continuing that endeavor.

Making friends or companions is incredibly difficult due to all of their time being dedicated to bettering their skills- which their skills have led them to be great at arguing... a bit too good since they'll incidentally instigate those with the people they're trying to make friends with. Then again, why have friends that will distract you from your work?

Due to not knowing how to speak words that aren't combative or abrasive in some way, Langue is not at all good with kids. They're not good at family gatherings, either- often winding up wanting to control the conversation with the other adults or just take in the praise from family members.

They played Ace Attorney as a child and their parents watched court shows, which influenced Langue towards wanting to be one of those cool people they've seen in their games and shows. They succeeded!!

Though there's nothing wrong with the substances, any Cookie who winds up using anything that isn't a doctor's prescription medically or recreationally is judged very harshly by Langue. Then again, Langue judges everyone harshly for literally everything (this also includes Langue themself). The only exception to this is coffee, but only with cappuccinos since Langue drinks those on rare occasions. God forbid they become a hypocrite.

The amount of sensory issues they have is so bad that practically everything they need has to be prepared or made in a specific way. It's one of the reasons why they still live with their parents- since if they were to live on their own there'd be things that would be impossible for them to do- not that they'd dare admit that. They need specific fabric to wear, specific foods prepared in specific ways, and so on and so forth. Some think of this as them being snobby and spoiled, but in actuality, they wouldn't be able to function without those specifics.

Speaking of physical issues, Langue is very much blind without their glasses. They can only see vague blobs of what's around them without their glasses, not to mention the nausea and headaches that come from not wearing their glasses for long enough. Speaking of nausea- Langue has a VERY sensitive stomach.

They have very little control over their emotions. Even in court, it's very hard for them to remain in check. Thankfully their glasses help absorb some of that by taking in some of those emotions through enchantment (though it also winds up breaking a lot of the time from the abundance, it is capable of mending its own glass).

They used to eat paper as an incredibly young kid (their parents still have some of the books Langue ate out of and make jokes about how smart they became because of it).

The only food they'll eat without hesitation is from their parents or (on rare occasions) from Sandwich's shop. Sandwich is familiar with Langue and enjoys their company, though Langue does find her annoying and "too happy for working such a dreadful job".

Langue didn't believe in Ginger Claus/Eggnog until they literally had to defend him in court. They thought the offer was ridiculous until Eggnog himself walked into their office. (They're still conflicted on if the whole thing was Real or if their client was just one of those Mall Clauses seen around the holidays).

[original-character-championship]

Bracket F Round 1

Poll 27

Izulda & Seph (@cizzle-freezy) vs. Liam & Charlie (@distortedsoup & @zacdrawsstuff)

373. Izulda Roshan & Seph Nightshade (@cizzle-freezy)

She/Her and He/They   

Izulda has never gotten along too well with others. She's rude, rough around the edges, and can pack a punch, but has a soft and sensitive side. However, that's not the reason why people keep her distance: it is because, unlike her fellow fae with blood that can cure wounds, her blood is a numbing poison. Don't get her wrong, she doesn't WANT to hurt people-- it happens on accident! ... Well, most of the time.

Seph on the other hand, is the last of his family. Cursed by a Moon Goddess, Glacia. Has even lived through death and undeath. Despite his timid nature, he wants to prove to everyone that he's strong enough to protect his loved ones. Perhaps even follow in his mother's footsteps, and become an exorcist. The duo met by chance, and after an adventure to save their worlds, they have become near-inseparable since.

Izulda: 5ft0in in height, almost-neon green eyes and fairy wings (with a scar on her right upper wing), and darker green hair, often dresses in purples, or aquas. Her body is shaped in a style similar to 2000s-era cartoons.

Seph: 5ft2in in height, ice blonde hair, body littered with snow white scars. His eyes are blue and orange. He's often found not caring about how he dresses, as long as it is colorful enough, but he's rarely seen without his aqua-colored coat. (The "sunandmoonWM.png" file should have their most recent appearances together, but other refs have been included just in case.)

374. Liam - full name William Trianle & Charlie  (@distortedsoup & @zacdrawsstuff

Liam: he/him | Charlie: any

In Zac's words, the original creator of Liam, he "was basically a single dad to several pain-in-the-ass kids, gay, ace, has a fun alter ego and a boyfriend, plant dad, archivist, gentle parent, protective parent." So. Essentially the ideal Tumblr Babygirl.

Liam is an incredibly prominent character in a role-play we have been running for almost three years now (more information about its lore and what the terms I'll be using here:

He started out working in a section of the memory archives, where he met Charlie - his assistant at the time, after he accidentally scared off his first one by talking too firmly. They soon became incredibly close, and by the time they get considered to leave the archives they are both painfully in love.

Through a mix of methodical work ethic and making sure quite a few people owed him favors (things like that are taken very seriously in their world), Liam was very quickly offered an upgrade from archivist to head supervisor, which is an incredibly coveted position. He would have taken the role gladly, if not for the fact he thought that Charlie was interested in one of the other head supervisors and wanted to give them a better shot at getting to know her. So Charlie ended up getting a role that he was frankly woefully unprepared for, and Liam became a regular old supervisor.

Around this point they lost contact with each other for a long time other than letters and such, because Charlie had no idea where Liam was located, and Liam was so caught up in his work he never got a chance to let them know/didn't want to rekindle the feelings he had worked so hard to ignore for them. What did end up happening, instead of trying to find his partner, Liam started taking in some kids (protectors, facets, whatever) and teaching them the ropes. Skip a couple decades and he has a lovely little family going with his funky little kids who are relatively pyramid-scheme free, and he has a pretty good schtick.

Through (kidnapping) coming across one of these kids Charlie gets back into contact with Liam, who in turn regretfully lets them stay - those feelings from the archives sadly didn't go away overnight.

Skipping over some fights, pouting, and bribing (Charlie) and negotiating, protecting, and attempting to get the other to leave (Liam) the pair ended up settling down with a compromise. Charlie could stay and bother Liam as much as xey like, but they are not allowed in proximity of any of his protectors without being supervised (Charlie traumatised two of Liam's protectors already, out of nine, so they don't have a good streak in that regard).

With that in mind they end up warming up to each other again, Liam letting himself take breaks and Charlie's forcing of those breaks becoming less and less- well, forceful. And, at some point, they fall back in love. Of course without an archive or a boss to stop them, Liam upgrades yet again - from a single dad of nine to a taken dad of nine + an idiot.

A lovely idiot though, and as their story progresses Charlie figures out how to adapt to Liam's parenting style with his kids, and Liam grows to trust them and learn to take a step back, allowing his protectors to learn alone sometimes. Even if it leads to more accidents than learning - it's the experience that counts.

Charlie is a tall person with no skin, rather muscle. The muscle is a wide variety of colors, like it was tie-dyed, and a splattering of eyes. Her arms stop just above the elbows and its hands float around it rather than remaining attached to the body. His hair is colorful like their body and can be changed at will to a wide variety of styles and textures, and she usually wears a white flowing skirt and no shirt.

Liam is also tall, with brown skin and loose dark curly hair and a bit of a scruffy beard. He is a bit gangly and thin, and the fact that he wears baggy clothes a tad bit too big for him only adds to that effect. His favorite shirt is a cream colored sweater with splotches of brown and black, reminiscent of the belly of a spot-bellied eagle owl (yes that's a real animal). His pants are grey slacks. He has brown eyes, though they can turn a bright orange. He also has reading glasses (but don't tell him you know that).

Control shares Liam's body and looks just about the same physically, though he likes to sport a black suit with orange highlights and sometimes takes an almost shadowy form.

[dont-justdont]

im writing this as i rewatch the episode again with much more attention and i give yall all the little details to look for (in chronological order, im literally pausing the episode as i go to write this down)

- on lestats first appearance, he holds a blue book (from what i read basically a register of all the prostitutes in the district)

- when paul arrives he tells louis the birds told him to come "but also one voice" and then louis cuts him off, i believe that voice is lestat (he appears on screan a few seconds later

- the mayfair reference at the diner table during breakfast

- he refers to his homosexuality before we even see lestat (when he arrives after going to church with his brother)

- the sazerac (the drink louis orders) is a classic new orleans' cocktail and is said to embody it's richness very well, started getting popular in the 1800's and then some more in the beginning of the 1900's

- the whole "your name is louis, of course it's louis" because lestat is french (although there might be something deeper than that but idk, im thinking it's because it's the name of the king from the time lestat was around in france (louis xvi) but it seems far-fetched, any thoughts?)

- when he talks about settling there, he looks at miss lily and goes "but there's the food" aka im a vampire (not very hard to tell but i thought id add it to the list) also can we appreciate louis' face during that interaction he seems so done

- lestat wanted to go to st louis at first (maybe thats way the whole name thing) which was one of the most developed cities in america at that time

- i cannot find the name of the song that the man is singing (the one who puts out the lights) and its driving me crazy. if anyone wants to search, it goes something like (on parlait raymond, raymond... aller simon, simon... lui parlait titi, titi... tomber dans le chagrin... elle lui parlait titi, titi... elle est tombée dans le chagrin... and i cant for the life of me comprehend what he says during the last line sorry) im not 100% sure about those because of the english accent (french is my first language) but yeah if you find it please tell me im dying to know

- at the poker table they mention the murders take place near decatur, which is a street where there was a shooting (in 1910). from what i read the whole thing was discriminatory and there was like a strong anti-immigrant sentiment and everything

- the black star line (the company on the tickets louis gives his sister) is a black led company that was made to encourage black people to participate in the economy as they were often left out (from what im reading it was mostly a shipping company so im confused about that one but yeah), apparently it started in 1919 so im also confused about that

- the sister's husband is levi freniere, referencing the freniere family in the book (babette's family)

- lestat's past being referenced at diner (although that's not really a detail)

- THE SAVAGE GARDEN REFERENCE

- the song he composed for nicolas:( "infinite beauty and sensitivity" yes yes yes yes yes

- SOMEONE TELL ME WHY LOUIS LEGS ARE CLEAN SHAVED IN DYING OVER HERE

- when tap dancing louis and paul set the rhythm before the musicians play (which is normal i guess but a nice touch)

- before louis and paul watch the sunset, we see two glasses : one full and standing, one on the side that seems shattered (foreshadowing hehe)

- louis didnt grow up in the house he lives in, they moved in when he was 7 (i just did a little math on the number of days they had been in the house), im wondering where he grew up

- im so so glad paul didnt die after an argument and instead sort of made peace with louis (although it took me by surprise since i was expecting a fight)

- "lily was a poor substitute" aka he killed her

- not a detail but can we talk about jacob anderson's acting in little confession box thingy (i dont know the term) because DAMN that man is talented

- "i give death to those deserving" aka lestat being lestat and only killing the bad people (although i dont believe lily deserved it)

- lestat's pupils stop being dilated when he gives his little speech to louis meaning he doesnt talk like that out of hunger/arousal but out of desperation/love

- louis' complexion goes grayish when he's drained of blood but it comes back

- lestat is missing a nail when he's down on the floor with his hand on his stomach (that's not important for the plot i just found it funny)

- THE BLOOD TEAR

okay now that was a terribly long post and im sorry about it, i just enjoy seeing all the work put into this show and thought id share the little things i notice, i hope yall are doing well byyye

[lizchillsworld]

Hathor/ Venusian

Origin: Venus

Mission:

 Carrying all of the characteristics of Hathor, Venusian starseeds are here to usher in all forms of love, namely unconditional love. Effectively, this is their collective soul mission aka what they will do together as a soul family on Earth. Their capacity to hold and spread love is unrivaled.

Appearance: 

Many articles report Venusians as six to sixteen feet tall, slender beings with white or blonde hair, blue eyes, coveted facial features, with a mythical, ancient look. A starseed will pick a body based upon agreed soul contracts, its past life lessons, energetic aura as well as its level of consciousness. A Venusian starseed can be thin, fat, tall, short, blonde, brunette, white, black, mixed race, and have dark eyes just as much as light. There are no set features per se. The only common Earth feature I’ve seen across Venusian starseeds is the size of the eyes. Venusians tend to have wide-set, owl-like eyes. Huge, but they carry a warm and gentle energy behind them.

Traits: 

YOU ARE INCREDIBLY LOVING BUT KNOW WHEN BOUNDARIES NEED TO BE PUT IN PLACE.--- Speaking of that polarity, Venusian starseeds are some of the biggest givers on this planet. They hold a great deal of compassion, but they also know when it’s being taken advantage of. They can reign in that love and joy just as quickly as they gave it, though this is often unwillingly, either through being hurt or worrying about being hurt again.

YOU’RE EMOTIONALLY SENSITIVE. — Venusians are skilled body language readers. You can read people like an open book, and notice when something is wrong with someone else even when they say they’re fine.You are very sensitive and empathic in comparison to other people on Earth.

YOU STRUGGLE TO TRUST HUMANS— You’ve suffered a lot of pain and trauma in the past because of how other people have treated you.You’re also hyper-aware of how malicious and cruel humans can be to one-another and so you have a hard time letting new people get close to you.

YOU HAVE A SIDE YOU RARELY SHOW OTHERS—-Venusians are very enigmatic. They’re the dreamers and believers, and with that comes an incredible depth to their soul.You have a side to you that you rarely open up to others, either from a fear of ‘being too much’ or ‘not being enough’. It might feel as though you’re wearing a mask at times.

MENTALLY, YOU’RE VERY POLARIZED—You can sometimes fall into the trap of black and white, all or nothing thinking. Perfectionism springs to mind. At times, you might wonder if there’s something wrong with you, that’s how extreme this line of thinking can feel. 

YOU’RE VERY PASSIONATE— You’re very curious, and when something interests you, you go all out to discover more about it. You likely have multiple projects on the go at once. Your eyes light up when you talk about your interests and passions, and other people notice it. Some may even envy your level of enthusiasm. 

YOU’RE VERY JOYOUS BUT WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK—This is an interesting sign, and one I’m seeing more frequently amongst Venusian starseeds. Venusians are some of the most playful, fun-loving souls you’ll ever come to meet, and yet often they’re worried about how they will be perceived if others were to see the ‘real’ them.

WHEN OTHERS CROSS YOU, THEY’RE GONE FOR GOOD— Out of all the starseed types, Venusians are perhaps the most emotionally sensitive, though this isn’t a bad thing. They know their own divine power and know when it’s time to walk away from an unjust relationship or connection. Once someone has crossed them (often many times), they decide to leave for good. I will add that this is an awakened starseed trait. A soul who is yet to acknowledge their true potential might struggle with this conflict.

YOU VALUE YOUR INNER WORLD MORE THAN THE OUTER— For Venusian starseeds their inner world is rich and full of possibility. They value growth, healing, and embarking on a soulful journey. You spend a good amount of time in reflection, deeply reflecting upon your lived experiences and potential future.

YOU HAVE AN INCREDIBLE CONNECTION WITH THE UNIVERSE— You’re very connected with the inner workings of the universe. You feel as though you and the universe are ‘one’. Never truly separated. You have an unbreakable connection with your spirit guides or soul family, even if you’re not sure who is truly guiding you. You just know there is someone or something guiding you forward on your life’s journey. 

 YOU’RE INTERESTED IN ANCIENT EGYPT — The scriptures, megalithic structures, and old mythology. Ancient Egypt holds a special place in your heart, even if you’re not sure why.You love the intricacies and mysteries that surround this ancient civilization. You might also find yourself drawn to the stories of Lemuria and Atlantis too.

YOU’RE AN OLD SOUL— You feel as though you’ve lived here many times before. You are very mature and wise for your age, likely much wiser than people of the same age. You have an inquisitive, curious mind, can see the bigger picture, and prioritize truth and wisdom over superficial possessions. 

YOU’RE DRAWN TO ALTERNATIVE HEALING MODALITIES— Similar to Pleiadian and Arcturian starseeds, Venusians are incredibly gifted divine healers.You might be drawn to sound and music healing, as well as journaling, reiki, and crystal therapy. You have a naturally soothing presence. 

YOU FEEL DRAWN TO BEAUTY— Venusian starseeds have a tendency to mask reality and everything that seems ugly or displeasing as a way to preserve beauty and harmony in their lives. They notice the magic in the simple things in life, seeing beauty where others wouldn’t.

YOU LOVE EVERYTHING METAPHYSICAL— You have a deep thirst for knowledge, and love discovering new information in the fields of astrology, astronomy, and metaphysics. You’re drawn to the unexplainable and know that there’s more to this world than meets the eye.

YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT MUSIC— Venusian starseeds use music as a form of escapism. Music speaks to their soul in ways other people can’t. You use the lyrics of a song to express how you’re feeling.You might even notice some lyrics stand out more at certain times, as though the universe is directly answering your questions.

YOU HAVE A STRONG CONNECTION TO NATURE, ANIMALS & THE PLANET— You’re a spirit that is grounded by the energy of mother nature. You have a deep love for the animals and the environment, wishing you could help somehow. You might dream of living a life that’s connected to nature, rather than in bustling cities. 

 DREAMS ARE INTENSE— Dreams seem very vivid and real to you (almost too real). For many Venusian starseeds, their dream world is made up of many energetic downloads from their guides. Symbols, colors, numbers, synchronicities – you might experience it all. Whilst the messages might not make sense at first, you come to realize over time that it’s the universe speaking with you. It might even feel like you’re having an out-of-body experience. 

OTHER SIGNS MIGHT INCLUDE;

A draw to Venus in particular

A need to embark on a journey of growth and expansion

A deep desire to complete a mission on Earth, even if they’re not sure what that mission is

Natural healer

Hard time committing to one partner or building long-lasting relationships.

Venusian starseeds are what I call ‘reflectors’. Their energy is magnificently bright and their aura is like a shining beacon on a dark winter’s night. Because of their sensuality, light, and joyous nature, they act like a giant mirror to most people, reflecting back what they chose not to see. This triggers all sorts of unhealed wounds within others; jealousy, envy, greed, hatred.  All of which are usually unjust emotions, but then again, the human mind is never truly rational. It’s why I always say ‘you may not be liked, but at least you’re being true to you’. Never dim your light just to fit in with the dimness of others

Because of their magnetic aura, Venusians tend to attract a lot of narcissistic and manipulative people.

May struggle with self-criticism, judgment, and low self-worth.

When things go wrong, Venusians tend to either bottle their feelings or shame themselves, believing they could have done better. This is caused by a mismatch in soul origin energy. In their original dimension, everything was effortless, manifestations were instantaneous. In a world where everything is heavy, dense, and slow, Venusians may struggle to understand that they’re not in full control of every outcome.

Venusians struggle with conflict and knowing how to handle it without feeling low.

[claimedpsychotic]

Hedgeknight

A.N. - short little story of a hedgehog stepping into being a knight. Story idea was from friends in a guild and who the characters are based on. Please forgive the formating further on as it's been collected from messages I had sent after it was almost lost beyond recovery.

Word Count: 5,755

Hedgy squinted against the glare of the sun that filtered down through the green canopy overhead. His nose twitched as the breeze gently moved past his sensitive nose. He had been determined to reach the Wolf's Den before the sunset, but time had been lost in the morning. How did he get himself into these messes he mused?

It had been months since he had set out into the wilds of the Everwoods. Word had come to his peaceful homelands that the shadows in the East were once again stirring. At first the elders of the village had been determined to ignore these dark tidings. It seemed that every other week a trader would bring false word that something was rising. But unfortunately, the dark tidings seemed to have a seed of truth in them.

If word was already reaching his village, the brave Hedgy had reasoned, then it means that evil would be able to filter to it. This simply would not do.

The morning had begun like every other morning. The cool breeze of night, not yet warmed by the sun, had gently coaxed him awake. His brown eyes took in the peaceful scene before him. The woods were already was showing signs of activity. Birds overhead were singing to their families and to the woods. A raven flew by overhead declaring that there was no news to report. Hedgy laid on his carefully woven mat that gave him comfort yet did not get tangled in his spikes. The tidbits of information he had heard along the way did not make sense. Rumors of war, reports of villages being burned and raided, and even more disturbing were the reports that they (no description was ever given by the simple travelers, just vague they) were taking younglings as they rode back into the woods.

Hedgy's soft brown eyes turned hard at the very thought. Surely that had to be a lie. A thing that was told to try and scare other adventurers on the road. Some people have a sick sense of humor and he did not approve of it. He efficiently packed up camp and redid his pack. Then sat down on it. Who knew how long this journey was going to take? He sat daydreaming of being back in his own home, being able to pass the hours away in relative quietness. Lost in this daydream he had not heard the rustling of the leaves half a yard behind him as something within moved closer.

Dark eyes glinted with malice as they fixed upon the hedgehog knight. The creature whose eyes held such malice did not bother to hide its labored breathing that let loose small gusts of air that stank of decay. The symbolism of the dark blue color of the hedgehog that lightened to a gentle skyblue was lost on the monster. Once its race had been held in terror, scourge of the woodland creatures that lived in the Everwoods. Now the name, Wearling, had been degraded down to bedtime stories. A thing to scare the children with at night. But they were not dead and gone as many seemed to believe, but sleeping. Not that the Wearling knew what others thought of its race. Weasel-like in appearance its pelt was tougher than the normal fur of a weasel and its mouth full of sharp teeth coated in a poison naturally produced in its mouth made its bite far more lethal. Its breathing quieted as it bunched its muscles, ready to pounce on the unsuspecting knight.

Hedgy sat in peace as the sunrays danced gently between the dark green leaves of the varying ferns and trees higher up. Wildflowers gently scented the air. This is a good place, Hedgy had just thought to himself as the Wearling crept closer. Hedgy had just decided that as much as he wanted to just rest his poor travel weary he really did have to keep pushing forward, when the smell hit him. Like a grave left open and exposed to the sun. Hedgy gagged as he reflectively ducked, the Wearling's claws scratching at the air above his head.

Hedgy stared in horror as the sleek yet tattered body landed nimbly on the forest floor bed. Leaves and grass flew underneath its swollen paws as it turned to face him. It was hard for his brain to take in this new fact about his world. No one truly believed that Wearlings were real. Well, maybe some of the elders might have conceded to himself as shock kept his body frozen in place.

Act! A voice next to his ear spoke out, jarring from him from his state of fear. Hedgy jerked his head to the side but saw no creature beside him. A pure ice-blue spike lay beside him and gleamed; it was hard to tell if the glow was from a natural reflection of the light or if there was something inside of it lightening it from within. Hedgy's paw shot out of its own accord and grabbed hold of the spike. Not a moment too soon, as the Wearling charged forth towards the knight just as he was bracing it up in defense.

Hedgy did not remember much, fighting is unpleasant business and he was not one to dwell on unpleasant things. Nonetheless he could not help but shudder in disgust how its long lithe body bulged in wrong places as if the evil inside the creature was fighting to escape the body. Rows of canine teeth lined its much too long mouth. Much, much too long. He quickly covered the body in leaves and thought of how never before had he had to bury anything before.

He stared in somber silence at the buried nightmare. Could that have truly been a Wearling? It certainly fit all the description that had been passed down from his hedgeparents, and their hedgeparents before them. And Hedgy was not one to doubt his own eyes. But for him to accept that a myth had emerged from the shadows of the forest unfortunately had to shuffling his views of the world. The rumors that he had heard while on the road suddenly did not seem so farfetched to him now.

Hedgy shifted his little shoulders uncomfortably, and then turned his back on the burial spot. It seemed all the more important to him now to find the Wolf's Den and get as much information as he could. Though wolves typically were to be avoided - all those sharp teeth and the annoying habits they had of leaping upon poor small creatures such as himself without warning - they did travel far. The den he was making his way towards had been spoken of fondly by the other woodland creatures. Supposedly a wolf of high honor lived there and had roamed many leagues; surely that meant that they had to have a better idea of what was going on in these once peaceful woods.

It was nearing sunset and yet there was neither sight nor smell of the Wolf's Den. Hedgy could not help but to grumble about how inconvenient this wandering through the woods was. He knew he would have to make camp soon if he wanted a hot meal - and he certainly did - but he also knew that he must be close to the den. He had heard that this particular wolf at this particular den was quite noble (by wolf standards), but would that hold true to a poor little hedgehog in the middle of the night? Hedgy's mind hurt a little from all the events of the day and though he would not admit it, he may have not been paying as close of attention to where he was going as he could have.

The forest floor which was covered in soft young grasses and moss that were kind to travelers' feet, had begun to wear thin in places and pebbles now pocketed the path. Hedgy skillfully dodged small rocks that had started to jut up from the ground all the while grumbling to himself about where folks placed their homes. "It would be so much more convenient," he said to himself, "if people would just pick a spot that is not hard to reach."

“Maybe people don’t like strangers appearing at their doors.”

“That is all well and good,” Hedgy had to concede without slowing down at all. “Especially if one doesn’t like visitors. But that is no excuse to have a home that is so hard to get to. This wolf must have constantly torn pads and bloody steps to have chosen a place all.. The way..” Hedgy’s voice slowed to a stop along with his paws as he realized that someone had spoken aloud to him. It had been a long, long day. It had taken a moment for him to register that the voice he was responding to had not been his own mind keeping him company. His paws itched to take the ice-blue spike that was strapped on his back, but he knew that if he did so now it could look like an attack.

A chuckle drifted out from the darkness that had stolen upon Hedgy while he was walking. Hedgy quickly took in his surroundings by the last rays of sunlight that cut through the evening shadows and barely illuminated the ground around him. He was in a small clearing, the trees but a dash away. He didn’t see any obstacles that would impede his run, or in an emergency, his roll to safety. The pebbles on the ground seemed to drink up the last rays of sun as it set over the horizon and full evening claimed the land. “How are your eyes in the dark?” The voice called out amused from his left side. His brown eyes didn’t betray the worry that beat quickly in his chest, yet.

“Why so nervous?” Hedgy could hear what he believed was amusement in this unseen creature’s voice. He listened carefully to try and determine if the voice was getting closer. Sniffling could be heard from the same direction of where the voice was coming from.

“I’m not nervous. And I can see just fine, thank you.” He was proud of how level his voice sounded and he took some courage from it.

“Oh good.” Hedgy quickly turned to face the creature head on as a shadowed figure stood up from where it had been crouching among the bushes outside of the clearing. Hedgy’s heart felt like it slammed into his ribcage as the figure took a step forwards and he was able to clearly see a wolf grinning down at him, its fangs seeming to shine a little. “Was it my den that you have been looking for by chance?”

Shivers shot up and down his spine; it was all Hedgy could do to not show the fear that had treacherously sprung up in his heart. "Yes, I was." There was definitely not a small squeak in his voice as he responded. And thankfully it seemed as though the wolf did not notice, or at least, they had the grace to pretend to not notice.

The wolf gazed down at him, their red eyes sparkling as they looked at him. "Well, you found me first. Which I am going to go ahead and make a guess that it was me at my den you were looking for and not my den itself. My name is Balthazar." The red eyes that seemed to flicker and move in the shadows locked upon his own. "What is it you are seeking? It must be good to place yourself in such a dangerous situation." The wolf's smile grew even larger, exposing more of its carnivorous teeth that lightly glinted in the moonlight.

Hedgy straightened his spine more. He would not show any fear as it simply would not do to give this carni the idea that he would be good for eating. Unconsciously his paw strayed to the ice-blue spike and his own spikes raised a little as the body prepared to defend itself. "I came in search of your den indeed so that I may find you." Hedgy was determined to show his good manners, not only to avoid violence if necessary, but also to let it be known that he was no simple fool to be messed with. "I have come because I have heard that you are aware of what is going on in not just the Everwoods, but also in the lands that surround it."

The red eyes peer curiously down at him, the pure black fur surrounding them gave Hedgy the sensation of standing at the edge of a precipice. The wolf held his gaze. The unblinking stare extended over the silence. Each creature waited for the other one to speak first.

Slowly and with great care, the wolf lowered itself down so that it was at eye level with the knight. "It is true." A new note was held softly in its voice. Its voice, moments before filled with warmth and humor now seemed as though it was coming from deep within its body and held no trace of indication of what it was thinking. Its eyes dulled slightly as they lost their focus and seemed to be gazing internally over a long stretch of land.

Hedgy took the opportunity to ask his questions before the wolf could decide that it was more hungry than talkative. "Is it true that ancient evils are walking the land again? What is the cause of such strange times?" He did not dare to break eye contact. I hope that Mom would understand that I am not staring to be rude, he thought to himself.

"It is true," the wolf repeated in the same hollow voice. Hedgy waited for the answer for his second question, but silence began to stretch. The wolf did not blink and its red eyes seemed to be turning darker with each pulse of its great heart. The forest around them echoed the atmosphere of solemnity as the bugs ceased their nighttime chorus, leaving the two creatures alone in the middle of the clearing.

"What is the cause of such strange times?" The wolf tilted its head slowly. Its ears moved as though walking against a heavy current until they rested against its head. "What is the cause of evil inhaling the lives of the innocent? What is the cause of good to retreated into the distance and leave the land bare before the incoming tides?" The black fur on the wolf's body began to rise as it stood slowly. Soon it towered over the hedgehog. The red eyes still dulled by their internal sight pinned him where he was as sure as if he were stacked there with a claw. Saliva began to swell up in the wolf's mouth as the beast continued on in a louder voice. "What is the cause of good creatures to strike out against their neighbors. What is the cause of evil to feed from the hearts and brains of those too ignorant to realize that their souls are a waste!" The wolf exploded into a howl, its head tilted back to rage and mourn at the moon which was just a sliver in the sky.

Hedgy ran. He ran while the wolf screamed out behind him, his ears twisting as a feminine note twisted through there. It reminded him of tales he had heard in whispers of women who had gone through such loss that they started screaming and couldn't stop. He burst back into the woods and continued to scamper away. Part of his brain screamed at him to hide but he had been close to her snout. It had breathed him in deeply and he did not doubt that she would easily be able to track him down.

Abruptly the howling stopped. Hedgy's fear burst through him and gave his limbs an extra boost of speed as he tried to outrace the silence behind him and the certainty in his heart that she was looking for him.

The she-wolf licked her canines as she stalked through the woods. As flickers of moonlight fell onto her fur different colors could be seen in her pelt. Dark purple seemed to show itself around deep reds that faded in and out with her black fur. Her ears twitched as the sounds of the night filled all of her sense. She sniffed deeply and slowly. Hedgehog. What was it about that little creature that stirred up such warring feelings of food and play. As an oak branched cracked and shifted overhead due to the weight of a fleeing mammal the moonlight briefly revealed a bright streak of green whirling up her forelegs.

What to do when she caught up with him? She chuckled softly to herself. Mice crouched under leaves as she padded past and moles hurried back to their dens. They did not know her name, but they knew her scent. The smell of the forest mixed with faint smells of blood and fainter whiffs of lands far away. It was never known if she was going to play with her food or not, though it was agreed upon that it was better to be eaten right away.

The smell of hedgehog was growing stronger and her pace quickened. "I must get the answers to the questions," her fevered brain whispered amongst the howls of the hunt. "Why did he seek my den? And who did he hear of me from?" Her head swiveled as a muffled squeak of panic was heard from her right side. "I must-" but the pragmatic side of her was drowned out by her bloodlust. She lunged through the broad leaves and her claws caught something small that had tried to dart away into the night. "Mine!" She snarled, saliva dripping from her fangs onto the hedgehog frozen in fear.

She gazed down at the hedgehog at her feet. She was going to ask him questions she remembered. Something to do with... She cast around in her mind and was unable to recall what it was that she was going to ask him about. She shook her head as though to shake her thoughts into order. No luck. It hadn't always been this way, but ever since her trip out of the Everwoods.. Her eyes were soft as she took in the familiar surroundings around her. She had been here before, but something had made her leave that left her not the same when she returned home again. Her mind trailed off again. Something wiggled in her paws drawing her eyes back down. Oh right. She leaned in close, her hot breath causing the hedgehog's tan quills to move slightly with her breath.

"You are coming with me. I have questions for you as well. And no running this time." She opened her jaws wide then paused. "And don't you dare stick me with those. If you do I may just forget what it is that I need to ask you which is what is keeping you alive." She carefully picked the small creature up, slightly pinching the soft meat of its belly, then placed it on her back. "You just stay right there while we go back home. You do that and we both should be able to get our questions answered."

The she-wolf padded stealthily back to her den, unaware that a different hedgehog had been watching in horror as the shadows had morphed into a blood-crazed carnivore that almost ate an innocent right before his eyes. His teeth were gritted as he followed along behind her as silently as he could. No one would be harmed just because they were small. Hedgy may not have known why the wolf was hunting hedgehogs, but his gut told him it had something to do with him. He will follow her back to her lair, free the innocent hedgehog, and get his answers. One way or another he vowed to himself. (edited)

Hedgy stalked his four-legged prey through the undergrowth of the forest. He paid no mind to the thorns that tore at his clothing. Did not care at the burrs that caught along his pants and slowed him down. And he definitely was not angry about having to go back over essentially the same path he had already gone down so all of his recent actions felt like nothing. Nope. Not angry about any of that at all he bravely told himself repeatedly as another willowy branch from a young tree hit his delicate nose. It was a good thing that unknown to him that the she-wolf had been talking to the little tan hedgehog without trying to pay attention to any potential followers as his muttered cussings and murmurs to himself would have given him away long ago.

"I do hope that you at least remember what this is all about," the she-wolf said only slightly huffy. She had remembered the hedgehog being a lot more chatty than it was being now. She must have scared it more than she had intended she rationalized. They were nearing the cave hidden behind a wall of vines that she had claimed as her own. Her mind turned over different possibilities of how she could get this little pain to start talking again. She wasn't sure why she was going through all of this trouble at this point, but her instincts (which she had learned were worthy instincts that demanded to be heeded) told her that the hedgehog that had complained about the journey to her home would be important. But at the moment it was hard to tell how it could be important for anything with all its crying except for maybe being a professional mourner. Her thoughts were quickly distracted by how that would be the perfect thing for this creature and how the many different ways it could be helpful to the community it must have come from. So few creatures were solitary these days.

The she-wolf quickly slipped through the vines that covered the entrace to her den and Hedgy could no longer see her. He slid the ice-blue spike into his hands and hid his pack so that the extra weight of it would not be a hinderance in the upcoming battle. He had hoped when he had learned that it was a wolf with the knowledge that he sought that it would be one with manners and civility. Similar to the ones taught about from Mother's stories. Of fearless tigers, nobles wolves, and honorable hedgehogs. He readjusted his grip on the spike one more time before starting his way towards where he had last seen the wolf. *Unfortunately,* he thought to himself, *it seems like the times of heroes may be upon us. And the world doesn't seem to be as good as it used to be.*

Hedgy stole silently into the wolf's den and stood for a moment for his eyes to adjust to the greater darkness. None of the of moon's light made it into the earth and stone den. Only a few glowing lichen provided any light. Hedgy stood silently as his brown eyes soaked in the den. It was cleaner than he had expected. *But,* he mused, *killers of the innocent can take any form or shape. Just because this wolf keeps a clean den does not mean that it keeps a clean heart.* He stooped to four paws so that way he could continue into the heart of the layout with less chance of being seen. His brown eyes burned with intensity as slowly his heart prepared to harden for the bloodshed that awaited him once he found the wolf.

The she-wolf shook the hedgehog off of her back once they had reached a back alcove in her den. This was one of her favorite spots to talk as it was cool and the lichen gave off a pleasant smell in addition to soft light that would help them see each other without harming any delicate eyes. She laid down so that her nose was near the little creature, helping place her closer to eye level. "Tell me little hedgehog." she said softly. "Why have you sought me out."

The little hedgehog looked into the big red eyes of the wolf before her and started crying. "I don't know," she wailed. "I never sought you out, I promise! I don't know what is going on! Please, I just want to go home to my family. I won't tell anyone where your den is, I promise. I just want to go home." She hid her eyes in her paws as she sobbed heavily. Hedgy followed the sounds of despair as quickly as he could without giving away that he was there. His eyes narrowed as he prepared himself to attack.

The she-wolf curled her lip in anger. "I am getting really sick of this stupid act," she growled. "My patience is at its end. I have tried and tried with you. Truly, enough is enough. One last time, why did you truly seek me out?" The little tan hedgehog whimpered as her mind raced for possible answers. She knew that she had never sought this, or truly any, wolf out. But she had tried the truth and it was not working. She could try to make up something. Her stomach clenched at the thought at having to lie. She curled up tightly, her quills quivering from the intensity of her cries.

"I don't know what is happening," she sobbed. "I don't know, I don't know. I just want to go home!"

"Leave that hedgehog alone!" A voice burst forth from the darkness. Both the she-wolf and the little hedgehog froze at the unexpected interruption. Hedgy stood atop a mossy stone and glared down at the she-wolf. His eyes were unforgiving as he raised his ice-blue spike to point directly at her eyes. "You will unhand that hedgehog immediately." The order in his voice was unforgiving and unbending.

The she-wolf turned fully to look at him. She drew in a slow measured breath, taking in all of his scent. "Ah." Her smile was wide and cold as the hedgehog behind her was forgotten. "It is you."

"It is I," he declared. His eyes had briefly shifted from hers to the small creature now behind her. "Leave this place. This wolf and I have unfinished business." The hedgehog quickly dashed for the door. She tumbled in her panic a few times as she made her way towards the entrance. She glanced back fearfully at her savior. "Go. And do not look back." Though stern, his voice had softened just a hair to her. Their eyes locked briefly and she bowed deeply before fleeing the wolf's den.

The she-wolf took no notice of this exchange. She was observing the stance and behavior of this new, oddly colored hedgehog. This had definitely taken on an interesting turn. Her ears twitched in concentration as she took a few steps closer while his attention was distracted. "Halt." His voice and eyes held no forgiveness as he dedicated his whole attention to her.

She took no notice as she chuckled softly. "You certainly are a bold little trespasser." She chuckled again as the dishonorable word seemed to cause him to flinch slightly. "You had said you were looking for something, didn't you? You had sought out my den even though it caused you so much trouble. Now you barge in." She began to pace slightly, keeping her eyes pinned on his.

Hedgy adjusted his grip on his spike. He knew in his heart that this was going to be a deciding moment for him. He could either allow her to continue to talk, and possible try to allow diplomacy to help him out of this mess. Or he could attack now while she was expecting him to parlay. He felt that if she was allowed to continue talking then she could easily twist him around, confuse him. Already her calling him a trespasser had weakened some of his resolve. He had trespassed. But it was for a good cause he firmly reminded himself. He took a deep breath. It would not allow any form of evil to continue on. What was stopping her from hunting other hedgehogs once he had made his own escape? He shifted his weight and prepared to attack at the next opportunity.

The she-wolf gave no outward sign that she was concerned with him at all. In the dark of the den her black fur seemed to merge with the shadows as if she was not fully of this realm. Hedgy resisted the urge to shake his head clear of such silly thoughts. Of course she was of this world. Where else would she have been from? "I had sought your home to ask you why there had been such stirrings of evil in the forest. But I see I have my answer before me without the need to ask you."

She paused and tilted her head. "You seem to be implying that I may have had something to do with the spread of evil you are talking about." Her red eyes flashed and she snarled in the back of her throat. "That is an unfounded accusation. You don't know anything that is going on outside of the Everwoods, do you?" The snarl in her voice was more pronounced as she continued. "You who smell of summer breezes and wildflowers. Whose thoughts of what you think should be correct outweighs the reality of the world." She had paced her way closer without appearing to have shifted course. Her steps were softened by the moss that grew underfoot.

Hedgy did not move except for his eyes which moved with her, making sure she did not get out of sight for even a moment. His mind started to hurt a little with what she was saying. "Do you know then?" He demanded.

She stopped moving and smiled wide. "Oh I know. The Realm of Shadows has burst open again. Those that have been hiding for years, gathering in their strength and powers for just the time to come forth. Who knows what caused it? Maybe an artifact was found, maybe someone started a new cult.." Her eyes bore into his. "Maybe good got a little lazy."

Hedgy reacts without thinking. "How dare you!" He yelled as he leaped from the top of the rock at the she-wolf. "How dare you act like you have done nothing when you took an innocent person! You who were about to kill someone who had done nothing to you!" She jumped aside a moment too soon and the ice-blue quill slashed across her shoulder. Instantly her wound felt cold and clumsy compared to her other limbs as she danced to the side to put distance between them.

"Why you little!" She snarled and lunged at him. He leaped to the side just barely avoiding the snap of her fangs where he had last stood. Her breath pushed against him as he struggled to regain his balance before striking out at her eyes.

The two creatures danced the dance of death, each lunging before dancing away. Their attention fastened onto each other prevented them from taking in their surroundings. They were blind to the shadow that had crept in at the entrance of the den and they were deaf to the very soft scrapes of claws against stone as a small figure watched their battle from the shadows and grinned. Small particles of ice started to form on the roots hanging from overhead as the tendrils of black magic fed off of the anger and growing fear as the attacks of the two creatures started to land onto one another.

Hedgy dodged behind a rock. His breath came out in little puffs as he pressed his paw against the wound on his side caused by the wolf's canine just missing him. Sweat dripped off of his snout as he tried to catch his breath. This was a mistake. The only reason he was still alive right now was because of the quill slowing down her movements. He felt cold. His eyes trailed down to the floor and grimaced as he saw that a puddle of his blood was beginning to pool as he remained hunched behind the rock. Gritting his teeth he pushed himself away from the rock and prepared himself to rejoin the battle.

The she-wolf panted, her breath creating little clouds in the chill. Her body was cold all over and it was so hard to force her limbs to move. She was getting too slow, she knew. All she wanted was to curl up in her sleeping corner and go to bed. But she knew that if she rested for just a moment then she wouldn't wake up. Either from that blasted hedgehog or because of this cursed cold. Shivering she bared her fangs. She didn't have enough left in her to keep fighting. She was going to have to end this as quickly as she could if she had any chance for survival. The creature shrouded in shadows gathered up their energy and prepared to cast two more spells. The hedgehog and wolf were slowing down, it wouldn't be long before they both would pass out either from their wounds or from the cold. And it was prepared to capture them.

Her eyes could barely keep open as her blood poured out of her hind legs and side. Hedgy fared no better as he couldn't hold his weight on his back paw without his knee buckling. It was over. They both knew it. Hedgy raised his quill up and drove it into the wolf's cheek, unable to put enough strength into the jab to break through. She snapped one last time at him and was rewarded with a squeak of despair. Her head fell to the ground, quill still poking out of her cheek. Hedgy passed out inside of her jaws, one of her fangs piercing the wound in his side.

A chuckle disturbed the silence of the den as a web of shadows was woven around both of them. A puff of sulfuric acid and the den was left utterly alone. The ice melting from the den and the creature's blood pooling on the floor were the only signs of anything having been within the den.

4/19/2024 - 5/10/2024

[amglowsg]

Unlocking the Best Water Filter: Insider Tips for Singaporean Homes

Even though your water and sewer bills may have been excessive, you shouldn't expect to have clean water coming from your faucet. You cannot guarantee its security. There's no guarantee that everything is truly operating as intended, even with the city making the required modifications to filter out some pollutants and other diseases that could cause illness.

Installing a water filtration system is a good idea if you want the best for your family. Although purchasing bottled water is an additional alternative, it might not be the most cost-effective or practical one. In addition, you wouldn't be contributing to the issue at hand by protecting the environment. You and your family will gain from this type of Water Filter System in many areas, including the financial, environmental, and health.

Reasons to Choose the Best Water Filtration System -

Clean water is fundamentally crucial in many respects. It is useful in our daily lives. Without water, man could not survive. That being said, the world isn't as tidy as it once was. All we need to do is figure out a solution that will work best for us, like using a water filter system at home.

Peace of Mind Is Assured

The main advantage of having a water filtration system Singapore like this is that you can relax knowing that your water is of high quality. It is no longer necessary for you to purchase numerous bottles of water. As a result, you are lessening the quantity of empty plastics that are just sitting around on the streets, which may eventually have an impact on drinking water quality and pollution. Now, all you would have to do is use those empty ones to fill it with water and take it with you the next time you want to go bicycling, hiking, or something similar. The start of such consumption would also significantly impact your finances.

Choosing the Appropriate Type Is Possible

Depending on the type you choose, a countertop alone might provide roughly 700 gallons of water for up to a year. Consider the necessity of purchasing such a sum each year. Aside from that, you may just fill your empty bottles with clean water to restock during any critical or emergency scenarios, like storms, broken pipes, etc. One of the things that is typically really difficult to eradicate is bacterial regrowth. Water moves from place to place, and the only method to filter it is at the point of arrival at your house. Additionally, most drinking water contains certain contaminants that might lead to various illnesses.

Hygienic Drinking Water All the Time

Drinking is more than just consuming water. Additionally, we must guarantee that it is hygienic for all uses. Hard water is not only bad for your health, but it may also harm your bathtub, plumbing, and other equipment. When taking a bath, too much chlorine may cause your skin to become irritated and your hair to get very dry. Odor may be an excellent source of allergies for people who are sensitive to chlorine. Additionally, make sure your home has a high-quality shower filter.

A Number of Specifications

Drinking water filtration devices are available in a wide range of designs and features, ranging from inexpensive, basic pitchers to easily installable faucet mount models on countertops. These are inexpensive- less than one or two hundred dollars- and easy and quick to assemble. Although they may initially seem too expensive, high-end units that can handle full home filtration and can be upgraded to meet different needs may run you anywhere from a few hundred to a few thousand dollars. Despite this, they may be a very good alternative so that you can receive filtered drinking water in multiple locations.

Different Using Areas

You may pipe drinking water to any location you wish, from the kitchen, bathroom, and utility room to any outbuildings like your garage, garden room, or home office, rather than having to limit yourself to just one filtered source.

Appropriate Outlet for Every Need

An entire house Water Filtration System Singapore might be what you want to consider if you want more than just one outlet with filtered drinking water. These systems are more expensive but are also more customizable than more basic models, and they typically have higher flow rates and possibly a lot of upgrade options if you want to add more filtering or other features.

Wrapping Up -

You've decided to install a water filtering system to remove any possible contaminants and enhance the flavor of your present drinking water. But, there are a few things to consider to be sure the system you select fulfills your requirements and won't just end up costing you money and disappointing you.

Also Check: Refreshment: 7 Innovative Hot Cold Dispensers Transforming Hydration

[words-of-a-venus]

8:52

I've been doing lots of research, lots of digging. While I'm not a psychiatrist, and I can't diagnose anyone, I believe that my mom has borderline personality disorder. Her reactions, her emotions, and the way she responds to situations is usually unpredictable. I feel like I've had to walk on eggshells around her my entire life. I've never known her to have friends, going as far as to openly denounce them completely. Only until very, very recently did she decide she needed friends (this only happened because I moved out and she couldn't focus only on me anymore).

Moving away from her I was met with lots of internal guilt. I'm her only friend (or was at the time), and she made that very known. And throughout my entire life, growing up, she really really wanted me to be an extension of her, and I believe - to some extent - she still does. She understands that I'm a person of my own, but I don't think she always likes me.

I couldn't wear pants or pick out my own clothes until I was in 5th grade, almost thirteen years old. I was never ever allowed to close my bedroom door. I remember trying new things she vehemently protested: studded belts, a cartilage piercing, dark hair, my style. And not just, "I don't really like that". entire RANTS about how I wasn't classy, pretty, how katherine (my perfect cousin) would never wear something like that. I remember being too tiny to even look into the mirror, and I'd watch her, standing there, telling herself how ugly she is, how fat she is. I grew up with everyone telling me that I look just like her.

How am I supposed to feel when she, the prettiest woman in the world, hates herself? and I look like her? confused.

When I told her I was bulimic, she yelled at me. "I don't believe you've ever made yourself throw up. So what do I have to do now, sit with you every single time you eat? When you shower?"

You can imagine how coming out as bisexual went.

I vaguely remember times that I was called selfish. You only think of yourself. You're lying. And when the statements weren't blatant, they were "vague" statements, coated with thick layers of venom.

"No, I'm fine!"

"It's fine, do what you want."

"I don't care, do what you want, its your life".

If you grew up with a parent like this, you know it was never truly fine.

And whenever these statements were made, or things were said to poke fun of me or drain me, I'd stand up for myself. Only then, I'd be told I was waaaaay too sensitive. Eventually, I stopped. Sensitive = bad. Be hard instead.

Once, she gave me the silent treatment and the coldest shoulder I've ever had, because she said that she heard me say "fuck" with my friends at a high school basketball game. I was an entire bleacher section away, standing in the middle of a crowd. On top of this, I didn't swear nearly as much in high school. Even if I had done it, she'd never have heard it. Still, I was met with eyes full of poison. I was convicted and punished before I'd even gone on trial.

I remember - very calmly and courteously - defending gay rights at a family Christmas party. She and my uncle screamed in my face. Different opinions = bad. Must be the same.

It's no wonder that I have a personality disorder. You don't just become this way for no reason. I'm terrified of my mom when it comes to being myself. I don't think she'd like me even a little bit if I were my 1000% authentic self every day. She says she would, but that's because I maintain enough of her vision of me to stay deserving.

People say they cut off their families all the time, but that isn't an option for me. She and my dad and my grandpa (who at this point is 90) are all I have for family. And she really is my best friend. That's another indicator that she suffers from BPD: she has abandonment issues, and a very strong love/dislike relationship with me. It's a trauma bond, and it's impossible to break.

She's always been a Jekyll & Hyde, and every time I fear her backlash, even at 26, I revert back to 6. BPD for me, for children, starts as a defense mechanism. A way to protect ourselves from the people we're supposed to trust. If it remains unchecked, it becomes damaging, a corrosive. I have to break this cycle.

1/10/23.

[loveclub24]

Another Day

Okay so I haven’t written for almost two weeks now (*sigh*) so I’m a little sad that my writing streak paused for a little bit... but here I am, back and better than ever, babyeeee! I’m kidding I’ll stop sounding like the lame millennial I am, I promise. This is a week late but I wanted to write an entry about my 1975 show in LA last week. 

First of all, these shows have launched me into an extremely emotional stratosphere that is sort of hard to describe, I haven’t been in such an intensely sensitive / emotional place for a hot second, so I realize that I think I’m feeling particularly exhausted by it as well. Last Monday, I went to the Forum the forum with my boyfriend, Taylor, and one of my best friends (literally since preschool), Cambria. I dressed up in the classic Matty skinny-tie-white-button-down-black-tights-combat-boots-tumblr chic (or at least it looked chic to me LOL I’ll try to post some pics too - hey.... turning this blog into a scrapbook of some sort would be fun as well). I have never been so ready for a concert... I really feel like my Phoenix in show was a great warm up for LA and made it so I could be fully emotionally present and in the moment at this show. I had been crying for the past four days while processing that first show, so I was psyched to sob my way through At Their Very Best at the Forum. We arrived, and I made a beeline for a merch stand (getting merch was a priority for me this night since I couldn’t in Arizona). I am terrified to report that test I spend $345 on merch (but hey... some of it was for my sister too). I couldn’t find the dad hat that I really wanted, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to get that at some point (maybe they’ll sell it on the website???? ugh here’s to hoping). 

This show was fantastic because I had a seat, so different than Pheonix but it was perfect as I wasn’t ready to fight the crowd since Matty Kiss-gate had started just a few days earlier in Las Vegas (may I mention... the first show about Phoenix so I was a little butt hurt to say the least... Matty... WTF). But I was ready to just ~vibe~ (as the kids say) in the moment and enjoy the lil edible I had taken with my best friends. I was excited because I got Roadkill, Paris and ... (*drum roll ladies and gentleman*) MILK COVERED BY PHOEBE FUCKING BRIDGERS at this show! I had gotten So Far (It’s Alright) and Change in Heart in Phoenix. I will dedicate a whole paragraph to Milk because that shit was honestly life-changing. 

One thing I want to start with about this show is that I LOVE starting with The 1975 from BFIAFL. That is my favorite song from their recent album.... I just love how they decided to make it more of a full-length song for the first time. I love the idea of The 1975 being the band taking the pulse of where they are in their current state, and I just think this song is fucking genius. I mean... it’s cynical, this vitriol and Adderall and young people drinking Aperol... that just gets me every time, and into I’m sorry if you’re living and you’re seventeen.... I mean... do you want me to SOB? Do you want me to pass AWAY? As I wrote in my About You entry a few weeks ago, this album, for me, is a love letter to my 17 year old self (which coincidentally, is when I get into self-titled), so this song really feels like it sees me, and it understands that in some way a part of me will always be my 17-year-old 1975 obsessed self. The instrumental that goes into The 1975 also just makes my heart swell, that moment of knowing that they are about to open the curtain and come on stage - there was just something indescribably euphoric about this to me. Especially at this show, since I knew more so how it was going to go. 

The energy in the Forum was electric, everyone was so excited and it felt so amazing to be part of a community (god I’m so sappy) of people who were just so fucking psyched to see the 1975. To me, this is what life is - finding communities of people that are excited about the same thing, whether its friends, family, or in this case, a concert full of people in different walks of life who are some version of 75 fans. I loved the idea of the first half being a show / play, and the second transitioning into more of a classic concert / gig type feel. Oh, I can’t forget... I got to see Matty eat raw meat at this show which was truly something I’ll never forget?? I still don’t know how I feel about the Consumption part of the show but what I know I do love is seeing Matty be his insanely dramatic, narcissistic self. It’s what he does best! This time around, I really enjoyed the craftsmanship of the first half. All I Need to Hear has become a favorite of the BFIAFL part for me, his voice has been sounding so good and it’s just a classically beautiful song. It wasn’t my favorite on the album upon first listen but it’s definitely growing on me. Also, I have to say that Falling for You is one of my favorite songs from the first half as well (one of the only non BFIAFL songs in this part), this song just makes me feel like I’m a senior in high school, crying in my car listening to self-titled after my boyfriend had shattered my heart into a thousand jagged pieces. Obviously, I Like America and America Likes Me is one of my favorites as well, and I do love this new arrangement they’re doing on tour, but for some reason nothing will ever be good as their OG version. I do love seeing him wobble his way across the roof of their house set and be fucking insane per usual, though. 

Next... I want to talk about the moment of this show where my soul truly ascended out of my body. I have never let out more of an immediate guttural sob scream from the depths of my being than when Phoebe Bridgers walked out on the stage, and I realized that she was playing an acoustic version of Milk. I mean... Milk???? Are you kidding?? That is one of my favorite deep cuts of theirs, I used to listen to it on repeat all through the beginning of pandemic especially, when I was going through another 75 heavy obsession phase while feeling like I was losing the will to live during the first 6 months of quarantine. God, I love that song so much and I love Phoebe so much that I truly can’t tell you how wonderful, how truly perfect of a moment this was. It’s really hard to think of anything more I could’ve wanted from this show than Phoebe Bridgers playing an acoustic cover of Milk. This is one of the memories that I can’t stop thinking about from that show... I will never get over that. 

After this transcendent 3 minutes, we went into the second half of the show and I don’t think I stopped dancing?? Even though I didn’t have as much room as when I was on the floor in pit, I loved being able to dance and really have a full view of the venue and feel more of the experience of collectivism of this concert. Seeing everyone dance in this huge place around me really was unbelievable and felt impactful in a whole different way. 

The only slight regret I had from my shows was that I never got I Always Wanna Die Sometimes... one of my favorite songs in the whole world that they were switching out... but hey, can’t catch ‘em all I guess. It still was a fucking fantastic run and I will never forget this experience. It has meant so much to me, I really can’t explain it well enough words. 

My friend Cambria is on the left and I’m on the right! 

One more outfit pic LOL I’m so lame 

Post-concert with my outfit in slight shambles... 

[tenebrio-obscurus]

So what do you guys recommend as practice to be able to actually *feel* energies, spirits, metaphysical forces, etc? Like there have been times in my life when i’ve managed to attune briefly to such things but it’s so rare and difficult without outside help or exactly the right circumstances. Pursuing my path is something i want to do so much but sometimes i feel like my “third eye” is made of lead. ADHD and depression are likely a big part of my problem but i just wanted to see if anyone had any (preferably low-spoon) suggestions or advice

[c-is-for-circinate]

Wait, isn't "anti" stuff more like "anti-pedophilia" and stuff? Like, you have a point about anti-porn attitudes, but from what I've heard just "anti" on its own means against stuff like kid porn and incest porn and legitimately f*cked up sh*t like that.

Okay!  So this, I think, is actually a great example of what I was talking about, and a really useful thing to understand.  (CW rape, child abuse, etc)

Smarter people than me have written much better essays about why policing thoughtcrimes is a bad road to go down, and I will probably reblog some of them next time they cross my dash for more context.  What I want to talk about is the trigger mechanism, the ‘oh, this looks like danger!!!’ immune response in how we look at different kinds of porn, and how that applies to anti culture.

Here’s the thing: I am anti-pedophilia.  I think that, for most people, that’s a stance that largely goes without saying!  Adults who prey on children are bad.  I’m also against incest; relatives who prey on their family members are bad.  Above all I oppose rape.  Sexual predation of any kind is bad.  In fact, I’d say that’s the most important item on the list.  There is plenty of room to argue about where the lines are between ‘adult’ and ‘child’ and how teenagers fit in the middle, and there’s plenty of room to get historical about the lines between ethically terrible incest, distasteful-but-bearable “aristocratic inbreeding” between distant cousins, and the kind of consanguinity that tends to develop in a small town where everyone’s vaguely related to everyone else by now anyway.  The core of the issue is consent, and it has always been consent.  Pedophilia and incest are horrific because they are rape scenarios where the abuser has far more power and their victim far fewer resources to cope, both practically and emotionally; because harm to children is, to us as a culture, worse than harm to adults, for a lot of very valid reasons; and because they constitute betrayal of trust the victim should have been able to put in their abuser as well as rape--but they are all rape scenarios, and that’s why they’re awful. 

These things are bad.  It is good for us to have a social immune response system that recognizes these things when they’re happening and insists we step in.  That is a good thing to develop!  It helps us, as a society.  It can help the people being victimized.  It’s the same reason educators and childcare workers in the US are all mandated reporters, why we do background checks on people working near kids.  These things happen, and they’re terrible, and it’s good that we try to be aware and prepared for them.  (Though obviously studies show we’re a lot less good at protecting the vulnerable than we’d like to pretend we are.)

The question is: why does that same social immune response trigger, and trigger so angrily, in response to fiction?

Anti culture is fundamentally an expression of that social immune response.  Specifically, it’s that social immune response when it is set off by a situation that, while it has some similarities to the very bad real-life crime of sexual predation including pedophilia and incest, is in and of itself harmless.

If you’re instinct is to flare up in anger or dismissiveness because I’m calling these things harmless, I want to ask you to just take a deep breath and bear with me for a bit longer.  What you’re feeling right now is an allergic reaction.

Humans tell and read and listen to stories about “legitimately fucked up shit” all the time.  It’s part of the human condition.  It’s part of how we process those things happening, not just to use, but to other people in the world around us.  It’s part of how we process completely unrelated fucked-up shit, playing with fears and furies and insecurities that we all have, through so may layers of fiction that we don’t even recognize them any more, playing with power dynamics in metaphor and making characters suffer for fun.  Aside from the fact that literally all stories do this to some extent or another; aside from the fact that drawing lines between ‘ok that’s good storytelling’ and ‘that’s too fucked-up to write about’ is arbitrary, subjective, and dangerous in its own right; aside from all of that, these stories are stories.  All of them. 

Even the ones about rape, about incest, about pedophilia.  They’re words on a page.  No real children were harmed, touched, or even glanced at in the making of this work of fiction.  This story, pornographic though it may be, is part of a conversation between consenting adults.  (And if a teenager lies about their age to consent, that is a different problem altogether.)

Stories in and of themselves, no matter what they’re about, are no more dangerous than a crate full of oranges.  Which is to say: utterly harmless, unless all you have to eat is oranges, all day every day, and you find yourself dying slowly of nutrient deficiency--which is why representation matters.  Or unless someone wields one deliberately, violently, as a tool to cause harm, and someone gets acid in their eye--which is the fault of the person holding the orange. And unless you happen to be allergic to citrus.

The key here is this twofold understanding:  First, the thing that hurts you can also have value to others.  Real, legitimate value.  Whether you’ve undergone trauma and certain story elements are straight-up PTSD triggers or you just don’t like orange juice, that story, those tropes, that crate of oranges may be somewhere between icky and fundamentally abhorrent--but we understand that that is still your reaction.  Even if you don’t understand how anybody could ever enjoy it; even if every single person you surround yourself with is as sensitive and disgusted and itchy about this thing that makes your eyes hurt and your throat stop working as you; that doesn’t make it true for everyone.  That doesn’t make oranges poisonous.  No real children were involved in the writing of this story.  It is words on a page.

But, secondly: the thing that has value to others can also hurt you.  Just because a story isn’t inherently poison doesn’t mean it can’t cause you, personally, pain.  That’s what a PTSD trigger is: an allergic reaction, psychological anaphylaxis, a brain that’s trying so hard to protect its own from a threat that isn’t actually present (but was once, and the brain is trained to respond) that it causes far more harm and misery than the trigger itself possibly could.  And no, it’s not just people with PTSD who sometimes get hurt by stories.  There are many, many ways a story can poke the part of your brain that says, this is Bad, I don’t like this, I don’t want to be here.  The story is still, always, every time, pixels on a screen and ink on paper.  The story causes no physical harm.  But it can poke your brain into misery, it can stir up your emotions, it can make you want to cringe and run away.  It can make you want to scream and fight and go after the author who brought this thing into existence.  It can make you hurt.

This is an allergic reaction.  This is your brain and body, your reflexes and instincts, trying to protect you from something that isn’t really happening.  And just like a literal allergic reaction, it can do actual harm to you if it gets set off.  This is real.  The fact that stories can upset you to the point of pain and mental/emotional injury is real, even though it’s coming from your own brain and not the story itself.  There are stories you shouldn’t read.  There are stories I shouldn’t read, regret reading, will never read, because they hurt me.  That doesn’t mean they’re the same stories that would hurt you.  That doesn’t mean they don’t have value.

And, finally:

If getting upset about stories is fundamentally an individual person’s allergic reaction, their brain freaking out and firing off painful survival instincts in the face of a thing that isn’t, in and of itself, a threat?  Then the anti movement is a cultural allergic reaction.

Fandom as a whole has a pretty active immune system, which doesn’t mean we have a good immune system.  We try very hard to be aware of all the viruses and -isms and abuse and manipulation and cruelty, both systematic and individual, that exists around and within our community.  We’re primed and ready to shout about things at all times.  The anti movement is that system, that culture, screaming and shouting and fighting at a harmless thing on a grand scale.  It wants to stop that thing, that scary awful thing that trips all of its well-primed danger sensors, at all costs.  It’ll swell up and block off our airways (our archives) if it has to.  It’ll turn on the body it came from.  It’s scared and protective and trying to fight, and it’s ready to fight and destroy itself.

Luckily, fans and fanfic and fandom and fan culture are a lot bigger and older than they often get credit for, and it’s not like these cultural allergies are anything new.  We could talk about shippers and slashers in the X-Files fandom in the 90s.  We could talk about the birth of fandom in the days of Star Trek.  We could talk about censorship and book burning going back centuries.  We survived that and we’ll survive this, too.

But god, does the anti movement my throat and eyes itch.  Man is it irritating, and sometimes a little suffocating, to realize how many stories just aren’t getting told out of fear of what the antis will say.  And that’s the real danger, I think.  What are we losing that would have so much value to someone?  What are we missing out?