#its nothing tumblr related really its more just irl

[camptw1nk]

feeling very 🧍‍♂️ may not be around for a bit

[rorschach-black]

hey redditors who just recently joined tumblr cause you didnt know where the fuck else to go among the blackout:

- you can be so so so not-normal here. in fact, its not only welcomed but encouraged

- feel free to change your username as many times as you want

- you can use sideblogs to save certain usernames you want so that they dont get taken by other people (this is usually practiced in fandoms)

- every other 'welcome to tumblr' post has been saying this already but its really important so it cant be stressed enough: MAKE YOUR BLOG YOUR HOME. otherwise people will think youre a (malicious) bot and block you

- use the tag system. i havent used reddit in a while but iirc the tags are like subreddits except they have no mods and also theres like 20 of them for one piece of media. theyre kinda disorganized in general, but its better than having no organization at all

- your dashboard is the tumblr equivalent of r/all

- your dashboard is ALSO the following page

- there IS an algorithm, the for you page; but nobody here uses it so its whatever

- you unfortunately cannot ratio people on here; every reblog and every like you get from that reblog gets added to the notes of the original post

- PLEASE private your likes and following pages on your blog. you have privacy here (and lowkey we'd rather not know anyways)

- karma doesnt exist here. nothing related to karma exists here. this is a land of lawlessness and the ghosts that life here are more alive than they ever were. go crazy

- you will recieve most news in a supernatural meme format; it will be whiplash inducing but its kinda the best way to find out about things on this site and irl so dont immediately scroll on these posts

- and finally, dont worry about the rent lowering shots they're not for you

[the-duchess-of-domination]

TW for ED/ARFID talk

I'm severely emetophobic (to the point of ARFID) yet I love tummies so much? The noises, the smooth skin, how it changes shape depending on how full it is, the fact that we need them to keep us alive! Everything! But only online. I'm such a sucker for upset tummy fluff yet if someone said their stomach hurt in real life I would probably cry on spot and hold my breath around them forever. I think part of the love for tummies (or I guess you could say kink but it's not that sexual for me) is because I wish I could do it IRL. I wish I could comfort people and rub their tummies when they don't feel well. So instead I go to tumblr where I can do it no problem. I know this is rambling, but I hope someone relates

-lurker anon

TW: OCD, Emetophobia

hi anon!! thank you for sharing!! im sure a lot of us (including me!!) can relate!

i’ll share a little bit about myself! everything with me started as a child, and there are a lot of overlapping layers. i knew from an early age (literally by 5 years old) that it was exciting to me when cute boys had stomach aches (usually from being fed too much, throwing up wasn’t really on my radar quite yet but it makes sense because it comes with the territory). most of the pieces of media i can remember leaving an impact on me usually cut away or just insinuated that a male character was nauseous or too full by showing their face turn green or having them duck off screen. nothing was ever particularly graphic. this also led to a fixation on stomachs in general, especially the stomachs of bigger guys.

though i never admitted this fascination to anyone (and nobody ever shamed me), i felt weird because i knew other people didn’t share this fixation, so i kept it to myself and tried to enjoy it in private (this usually took the form of writing stories or seeking out media that possibly had sick boys in it. i was a real sleuth). i was a bit obsessive with it, but overall most of the harm was internal rather than external because i was convinced that to enjoy watching men’s pain and discomfort must have meant i was evil or that something was seriously with me.

the thing with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is that when you explain your compulsions and thoughts out loud they sound silly because you know they aren’t true, but you can’t help but think them. as a child my thoughts told me that to become sick was an admittance of weakness (which, obviously is SO not true lmao) and that expressing vulnerability was a man’s job. i developed crippling emetophobia that has persisted into my adulthood. the idea with vomiting and its lack of control was absolutely horrifying to me.

a man being sick? there is nothing sexier.

but me?

i began to have panic attacks through middle and high school. this later led to contamination OCD, always being terrified of being sick, and again, worrying and having thoughts about why i found it so attractive when boys admitted they were nauseous (that i must be corrupt, a bad person, crazy, etc).

sometimes i think our brains help us cope with trauma and fear by throwing us a bone every now and again. my fear of losing control manifests in fantasies where i hold all the power. i use my fetishes to strengthen the relationship i have with myself: that im not evil, or wrong, or corrupt, or out of control, or crazy. im just a girl who does things a little differently, and control in my fetish life helps me feel more comfortable dealing with my emetophobia in real life.

anyway, that was a long tangent, but i hope this resonates with the people!! 😭 we just love tummies man. i too love the little sounds they make and what those little sounds mean, the look of them, the way they sit on people’s hips, the fact that they can bloat bigger or get smaller, that we anthropomorphize them by saying they get “upset,” the chest and nipples right above them—i could write a manifesto i SWEAR.

-the duchess 👑🦢

[slowdripsunrise]

book review for into the drowning deep by mira grant!!! spoilers under the cut! just found out the author has a tumblr well if u find this pretty please dont look theres nothing bad in here its just not for you! reviews are for readers and you can get constructive criticism from a paid editor and not random readers doing this for free :)

ok i. literally just finished this and am writing it as i am staring at the finished checkmark on my computer lol wanted to get this out so i didnt forget. anyways ok so i super liked this book. love feels like a strong word bc i think im on too much adhd meds to really feel it like that but yeah i really really liked it.

OBViously the best part about this book were the mermaids. i came into it wanting mermaids and creepy shit in the ocean and science and thats what i got. they were creepy wnd fucked up and vicious and murderous amd beautiful and i loved them so much. especially that we got their pov! and how sometimes from their pov we would get little hints of answers about them before the scientists did. i liked that. loved the ocean imagery especially from dr toth was it heavy handed? maybe. idc i love the ocean.

this was also again. creepy as fuck not downright terrifying which surprised me bc im a huge wimp. but i was on the edge of my seat and anxious and nervous for a lot of the characters... which leads me to my next point i guess i dont really feel like i connected per say with all of the characters as much as others. like i feel connected for sure to olivia, especially when its her pov, the probable undiagnosed autism diagnosis goes crazy. and i really liked the wilsons, luis was nice, i liked dr toth. everyone else i didnt really care. which is fine i read this for cool mermaids !!

another thing i would kill for more of was the linguistics with hallie and lennox and the mermaid like i fucking LOVE that shit, and also what happened to said mermaid other than just a small bit at the end about it being bought by some rich guy. also would like to see more of the matriarch mermaid. i love the absolute ancient and archaic nature of creatures that are just fuckin so big, especially when it relates to the ocean. and also maybe i missed where her size was actually describe and im generally really bad at conceptualizing how big things are when just given like. measurements but i was picturing this thing as more colossal than anything else, which would tie into luis' research, right?? pretty sure that was his whole schtick and i wanted more of that... i do appreciate the mystery however. this book left me with questions, and not in a like this was filled with plot holes kinda way but more of a i need to know more this is probably how all those scientists felt kinda way. i like that i think. absolutely love how in these reviews im just spitballing ideas and seeing what sticks who knows tomorrow i probs wont agree with half the shit im saying but who cares. im working out my thought irl and this is what happens. on another note we had anchovies out for dinner and im not normally squeamish about them but. looking at them when reading this book did make me feel a bit weird so theres that. 4/5 stars had fun would recommend

[justkeepwalkingnothinghere]

The Owl House: A show that has changed my life in a way nothing else has.

It’s been over a week since the finale aired. Over a week since we’ve had to say goodbye to a show that has more than likely changed animation. Saying goodbye and coming to terms with it has been painful, but I’ve been doing fairly well since the 8th, since the most emotional night of my life in recent memory. The finale has really made me reflect on these last 6 months. The last 6 months since I had watched the first episode, and changed the course of not just my life, but my brain chemistry as well. I have at last found a way to put my thoughts and love for this show into words, and have realized just what this incredible series means to me and what it has done for so, so many people. It makes me feel a certain happiness nothing has ever managed to give me, or at least nothing in a very long time, and I can’t wait to tell you all.

This is the story of my discovery and journey through a series like no other, and just how my life has changed because of it.

The Owl House. I still remember that rainy afternoon in mid-September when I watched my first video about it. I had heard about it before, but hadn’t really been too interested in it. Hard to believe, looking back. But on this fateful afternoon, my YouTube recommended would show me an out of context video, introduce me to a magical adventure, and be my first step on a path that would alter the next 6 months of my life and counting. Not the first time this has happened, and certainly not the last. First one video, then two, then a few animatics and Lumity compilations, and maybe one or two videos of Luz being the biggest bi disaster ever. All of them being from season 1, of course. No spoilers for me, thank you, YT.  The seeds of my obsession and hyperfixation were planted that day and already began to grow.

A few days go by, I watch the first episode and start dying from laughter from the first 30 seconds, and when I went in only for Lumity, I quickly knew I was going to experience so much more than that. A week later, I finally put my foot down and made my mom and I watch the first 6 episodes one day after school, and we never watched a single new episode without each other. We spend time with season 1, already on our way through a magical realm full of possibilities, we blow through season 2 with unbridled amazement, we cautiously watch Thanks to Them, the newest episode at the time, knowing it was the beginning of the end. We had already been through so much, and we were about to see much more.

I hop onto the fandom, excited to interact with fellow fans who are just as dedicated to this show than I am, excite to see all the fanart and the fics, the theories and the memes, the comedic mayhem that is fueled by a burning passion and love for a series, for a wide cast of characters, for a world so so special to most. I spend time on the subreddit, I join Tumblr and make some pals, and my love for The Owl House grows and grows and grows, bigger and bigger and bigger without restraint. I find my favorite characters, my favorite ships, my favorite episodes. Raine rises through my list of characters and lands their spot as favorite and the one I go to for comfort, right alongside Luz. Raeda and Lumity tie for the spot of my OTP, I slowly start shipping Gustholomule, I start writing my first TOH fic about Raeda, I found my people. People who are just as crazy for this fictional world and its cast of goofballs and weirdoes.

People that I can relate to, in a fandom that, for me, is unbelievably warm and welcoming, a million times better than nearly every other fandom I’m in. My love keeps burning brighter and brighter, I manage to connect with a few folks irl and find a Discord server full of wonderful people, all through this series. Never have I been this attached to anything before, never have I experienced something incredible like this. Usually, the shows I watch either ended years ago, still have years left in their lifespan, or I’m never that emotionally attached to hold onto it for long, or have any sort of reaction to it ending outside of “Oh well. Guess that’s it. Sad to see it go”, only to be fully recovered a couple of days later.

But not with Owl House. With TOH, it’s so, so much different, almost as if it’s a whole different species. I’ve latched onto it for months, not intending to let go for a long, long time, I spend hours and hours on Tumblr, the subreddit, and Discord every day talking about this show and info dumping to friends. The Owl House captures a happiness that not even Friends or SpongeBob can achieve, both being shows that have been special to me and always will be. Friends for just being a great show and playing a special part in my relationship with my mom, and SpongeBob for being such a major part of my childhood, a part that holds a large amount of nostalgia. That’s not to say that Friends and SpongeBob don’t make me happy, they really do, without a doubt, but don’t stand a chance against Owl House.

I was never able to pinpoint why Owl House is as special and important to me as it is, until after the finale. After Watching and Dreaming, I realized, it’s because it makes me feel seen. I relate to Luz more than any other fictional character in existence. I’m weird and nerdy on a daily basis, bisexual, neurodivergent, and have never felt like I fit in. I’ve always felt out of place in this world, even in places that are basically made for you to be like this, even in spots where my friends and I can hang out and be weird together. I’ve always seen her as a cartoon version of me, I see myself in her most of the time, and it’s why I cling to her a lot. Same thing goes for Raine, though it’s not as much, but still important, as a person with a crapton of social anxiety and a passion for music and the arts.

I feel seen through all of these characters, whether I see myself in them, or the situations they face and the emotions they feel. It’s incredible, really. And it’s not just me, I’ve seen this in practically the entire fandom. This world, the Demon Realm, makes all of us feel seen, and it’s amazing that a show is able to do that. That a show is able to make us feel in such a way that makes us come together to find and bond with each other. And then I realized something else. Everything about this series makes me unbelievably happy for one reason. It makes me happy and warm inside, like a place I know. Like a place that lets me be who I am around my family, no questions asked. This fandom and everyone in it makes me feel comfort.

It feels like home. Like I belong. It feels like a warm hug, like a kiss to the forehead, like a hot meal on a rainy day, like a nice bath or shower, or the smell of freshly washed bed sheets, like the warmth of clothes fresh out of the dryer, like cuddles after long day, like a nice piece of chocolate, like warm cookies from the oven, like a cup of coffee in the morning, like every single comfort you can think of. The music embodies this perfectly, the end credits more specifically. While the opening more or less feels like “Let the adventures begin!”, the end credits feels like coming home to family and friends, like a hug from the entire cast, like 2 simple words that, although simple, mean a lot to not just me, but many others: “Welcome home”.

In short, The Owl House is a legendary show that has changed history in many aspects, a show that has made millions of people feel seen and find who they are, made many feel like they belong, and has filled millions with a feeling of comfort. A feeling of comfort so strong, it’s the first thing plenty of us reach for when we need something to lean on, or a shoulder to cry on. When we just need a pick me up after a hard day, or when we just need a smile on our faces. It’s a series, a cast of wonderful characters, a magical, fictional world, and a massive fandom that welcomes us with open arms, and makes us happy like not much else can.

And if that isn’t an achievement to be proud of, then I don’t know what is.

[gazelessmenagerie]

Get to Know the Mun!

———  BASICS! ♡

(PEN)NAME: Kuro

PRONOUNS: He/Him

ZODIAC SIGN: Taurus

TAKEN OR SINGLE: Single

THREE  FACTS! ♡

1: I have two cats called Socrates and Felicia and Socrates insists on being a little feline terrorist whose sole mission is to plant her fat butt on my laptop/arms when I’m trying to sit down and write.

2: I am very fond of giraffes and zebras. They were my favorite animals to look at in the zoo while growing up.

3: Big fan of animated movies and fantasy tropes in general. Far off places, magic systems, dragons especially, dark fantasy; there’s so much and add in some mind bending ploys or ‘symbolic’ instances-- I am hooked.

——— EXPERIENCE! ♡

PLATFORMS USED: E-mail, Skype, Tumblr, Discord

PLOTTING / WINGING IT / MEMES: A mix of everything but given I haven’t had much time to sit down and write as I used to, I’ve been more on memes and winging it but that isn’t to mean I’m not opposed to plotting; I just need like a bit of a helping hand to think of ideas at times and probably a brick thrown at me to reply because I do forget but please talk to me at times even if its just to say ‘ hey what if xyz ‘

———  MUSE  PREFERENCE! ♡

GENDER: Male for a long while but I am trying to branch out into female muses but I am slow and sometimes people terrify me due to how heavily scrutinized said muses can be looked upon ;w;

LEAST FAVOURITE FACECLAIM(S): There was one manga character whose face just pissed me off for no reason than the fact it looked too smug and punchable but I never bothered to learn its name and just never followed/blocked that blog from my dash. I guess I don’t really like irl / youtuber / or idk how the proper word goes face claims. Just looks weird to me especially if the muse is supposed to be in some form of anime or animated show/movie. Other than that, I don’t really have much as the people I had beef with like a good 4 years ago I just unfollowed/blocked/blacklisted so I’d probably need to look at a fc and see if it’ll jog any dislike alsfdjg but that’s a very slim chance.

———  FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT! ♡  

FLUFF: Very much enjoy it but some or a bit of a majority of my muses aren’t receptive to it much or can’t be content with it every day with nothing else. They’re temperamental and tend to cause mischief/problems/be sassy little devils at times. Slice of life is appreciated at times, having some ‘feels good’ au’s or little one shots in some ‘what if’ pieces that don’t have any bearing on what may or may not be considered the ‘main’ timelines and all that.

In short, I’m pretty open. I just need some other dynamics thrown in than constant fluff all the time.

ANGST: I enjoy it just as much but like with Fluff, there’s gotta be moderation of it or it’ll either burn me out, bum me out, or not have that oomph impact on me. In addition, I do admit I’m partial to happier endings, a smidge of a positive or at least bittersweet conclusions. I typically won’t dabble much on this area if I’m already stressed or bummed out though, so I’d say both fluff and angst can have their ‘season’ depending on what I’m feeling or dealing with at that moment in time.

Heavier topics or ideas, I may need to ease myself in but don’t be afraid to suggest something and I’ll say how I’d feel / write it. Again, having a good ooc relation / amicability/ friendship helps.

SMUT: lafdlkjg yeah I’m sure as hell guilty of this. Love writing some good smut but at the same time, it’s gotta be built up before that stage mainly because some muses are just that reclusive and others are thots. I will say I am more confident to write this area when I know a mun on the ooc level and we both have a good wavelength for the chemistry and things.

Tagged By: @dragonwish thanks for the tag~​

Tagging: asdfljg take this.

[monstrouslyobsessed]

still working on a thing and ima try and throw up another concept or hc later today tomorrow~now ima answer some asks < 3

tw: n'sfw subjects, kink talks, pregnancy(-related) mentions

What blogs and writers(ones that do dark romance stuff) do you recommend? —anonymous

i get this question a lot tbh, i should think about adding to faq, but uhhhhh, depends on what you're looking for. original or fandom? most of my mutuals, friends, and writers i liked/found write genshin, jojo, and other popular fandoms.

if original works only, i haven't found many, no, and tumblr ain't great with their rec feed (99% time they're fandom only).

@dear-yandere (she's not active, but i love her works sm) made a post you can look through! linky link

Favorite kinks to write in your opinion? —anonymous

uhm, i'm sure you can tell with most of my works lol but ig i can explain why i like a certain few. rest tho, i just like them lol

pregnancy / pregnancy sex / oviposition, im actually a touch tokophobic irl, but in writing, its not so much on for children (they're cute though) but because it's the near-total loss of control over one's body, if that makes sense. as its my thing to write the darling losing control to their possessive spouse, pregnancy is one of my go to.

monster dick(s), because we could use some variety in our d's lol human d's is good too though ofc

stomach bulge / cumflation, p similar to pregnancy in some ways, the darling loses the sense of losing their body to the other. (pseudo?) body destruction, really.

size differences, because i want to be picked up and be carried sometimes

yeah, most of the kinks i listed here had to do with the loss of control.

YES I CAN U BACK DEAR 💕💕💕💕 —anonymous

that was painful;; so glad to be back!! 💕

Yoo have you seen the movie called the descent? If you have, what do u think of the monsters!! —anonymous

uhmmmm, the name didn't ring a bell...google time!

oh waittttt, i vaguely remembered this one. this was based on dante's inferno, wasnt it? after checking the monsters, yes hi.

i prefer they'd bathe first though lol but i'd be down for them! pretty simplistic in design, reminded me of buffy the vampire slayer's vampires, actually! think buffy was one of the earliest monsters i can remember really liking as a wee lad.

So, have you read the Neonomicon? I saw it on one of your posts. I actually read the thing online and I immediately fell in love with the Deep One too despite the noncon. Is that weird? —anonymous

are you referring to the one i did where the darling had to watch the world burn in the palm of cthulhu?

thats the only one i can recall of ever doing, but on reading the neonomicon, no! you're talking about the comic series one? i don't generally read american comics because of how weird they organized their issues, but if its not long and good, then i'll be happy to check it out!

and nah, not weird at all imo. humans are drawn to things we simply don't understand, and as long as you are not harming yourself or anyone else, its fine to indulge. we all find appeals in certain things others don't and that's perfectly normal. most of the monsters i liked as a kid were actually violent and murderous so.....yeah. im literally one of the last people who should judge you , dear nonnie.

just know that youre far from being alone though! heck you'll find many n'sfw artworks and other contents of the deep ones and other monsters if you know where to look.

Dude I've been binging all your pyramid head works and I love them sm!! Would u be writing more for him in the future? —anonymous

mmmaybe? like i do have a couple of ideas, but nothing too concrete. one idea involved the reader being, well, the mother of monsters and the butcher would probably become more monstrous over time because of the silent hill related plot reasons. thing is, the reader wouldn't know there were changes at all, being too addicted to the butcher's to pay attention. I'm being very vague on this one because...idk how to communicate the story yet, if at all.

the other one might involve incest though, because of the monsters the reader birthed cooperating with the butcher, under the god's order. this one is just...a concept more than anything though because tentacles are fun.

otherwise, its just straight pron with the butcher. I'm glad you liked him tho! &lt;3

now to work on things...inbox is always open tho~!

[indepth-mbti]

Hi!

Can you please help me to figure out my enneagram type?

I don't know whether I am a sp1,sp9 or a sx6 (this comes more from my friend typing me, though I doubt it).

I can't seem to figure out my enneagram because I doubt my conclusions a lot, always looking for new informations: it's like every little thing can add more value to the typing and by considering all these data I just get lost. Add that I relate easily to many descriptions and that I am really moody. I am not sure about my mbti either, I have Ni and Fi but also maybe Ti. For my friends I am an ISxP but I I don't know. I relate to many fictional chatacters who are ISxP but maybe there's more?

I just have this tendency to go too much in depth and it's kind of annoying because I am never sure of my conclusions about myself and sometimes my analysis.

This system looks vague too, maybe it's so specific that it looks vague, I need irl life examples.

I tend to compare myself to fictional characters because it gives more clarity. For example, I relate to Levi, Eren and Annie from Attack on titan.

I think that you have a solid use of Se: looking for real life examples, having problems prioritizing abstract information without a tangible back-up... Nothing of what you say clears up if you use Fi or Ti, but you can check my tumblr answers because I've compared both of them many times, I've also compared Fi and Ti in my Q&A highlighted stories on IG.

I'll rule out sp1, even if sp1 has this worriness and overthinking tendencies, it's still an E1 that pretends to fix things. SP1 has a need for foresight, planning and having things undercontrol. They're benevolent while hidding their anger and their constant fear of imperfection.

Sp9 and sx6 are actually super different:

sp9 is conflict avoidance, sx6 is reactive towards conflict

sx6 is reckless in its insecurity, kind of like a trembling bomb ready to explode. sp9 is gullible, naive and shy.

sp9 is distant and emotionally blunded, even in their shyness there's a lack of passion in the sp9 that isn't present in the sx6, who is reactive, suspisious and rebellious per se.

sp9s merge with their hobbies and physical abilities, while the sx6 is observant and inhibited.

Sx6s usually mistype as E8 instead of sp9 tbh. If you're going for the E6 subtypes, maybe check sp6.

[sapphicblight]

3, 13, 41, 49 and 50 please? Love your writing and would love to know more 💖💖💖

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

insecurity is a big one i’d say. it’s one of my favorite topics to read about in fics too so naturally it made its way into my writing. we’re not gonna look too deeply into how that relates to my own insecurities and journey into learning to love myself, shhhh. crying is also a theme too, because i want my characters to suffer but i also want them to be able to let it out, give them that release shdjfg

as for smut specific details, crying is once again a thing?? ok sure 😅 and overstimulation too, even in the v first smut i ever wrote (your body’s a tether), though the first time i properly went in on that was for eat bathe (make) love where the entire second and third chapter pete is just overstimulated to hell and back. sorry buddy sdbhf

also — im still learning how to write bdsm and kinda chickened out of realllly exploring it for my past fics, so i just kinda stuck to choking and spanking for most of my vp sex scenes, and in the case of intrinsically i actually kind of regret that (the spanking especially, in hindsight i just don’t think it fits the tone and what the characters would do / need right then) 

13. Are there any tropes you used to like but don’t anymore?

ooooh shit i actually rly need to think about this one. idk does abo count? shdnjfk i used to read it sort of almost accidentally, not really realizing what i was getting into with that till much later, back when i used to read a lot of sterek fanfiction (and some destiel too). very occasionally an author will do a lot of legwork with worldbuilding and sell me on it for that fic specifically, but in general i havent been into abo or mpreg themes (not counting a ftm trans character in that — the thing i dislike reading is mpreg that can’t occur irl) for a few years now.

i also used to be more into aus that had nothing to do w canon, like high school aus and (for stuff like merlin) modern aus, which is funny bc i wrote a college au and am now writing a historical au w luna, but i never said i wasn’t a hypocrite hdnjgh — but yeah nowadays i almost exclusively read canon-compliant, canon-divergent, or post-canon fics. i came here for these characters in this setting usually, so then that’s what i seek more of 🤷‍♀️

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

oooh there are MANY. there are some authors whose writing styles have my brain zooming with envy but mostly just so much appreciation and enjoyment. some of my very favorites tend to be angsty fics, and angst is just my go to vibe and genre to read, so while i have many favorites that are more happy or humorous, i'm going to specifically shout out two of the angstiest pete-centric ones that made my chest ache with emotion as i read them: milk teeth by constitutiondumpstat; and only the heart knows. by evashougouki (i still havent gotten around to their recent 20k words pete fic nothing. that i just know is going to break me so good. i rly need to get on that asap but consider this a pre-emptive shoutout to that for probably changing my brain chemistry once i read it as well)

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it! 

ohoho well for snippets of the prohibition au i recommend checking luna’s twitter or tumblr, she’s posted a few already! 

so instead i’ll post a slightly redacted snippet from the 4th chapter of my mobwife au (‘ultraviolet disguise’, a canon-divergent au where pete never got recruited as bodyguard but ends up caught up in mafia bullshit anyway when he starts dating a mafia don named ‘hwan’ who vegas has been trying to take down for a while now)

50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about! 

hmmmm. i think i’ll take this opportunity to grab question 48 (What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?) and plug @lu-sn’s discotheque rouge which just got a second chapter that makes me want to live inside her specific brand of post-canon vegaspete 💕 

[living-in-the-state-of-dreaming]

✩ - The Rules

General rules

 As I know many of you do, I have a life outside of tumblr and this blog; so no spam would be extremely appreciated. I work two days a week at an op shop from 9am to 1pm and I have other things to do outside of Tumblr so I may not be able to get to ask’s, scenarios and headcanons straight away but I will get to them as soon as I am able. I just ask for patience on your end, if you choose to send one in.

To all anons and everyone out there, feel absolutely free to drop a message to me if you want to chat! ^^ Unless of course, you have nothing nice to say or just want to be unpleasant, mean and rude; then in which case please show yourself out and away from my blog.

Any form of LGBTQ is accepted on this blog and if this makes you uncomfortable then it would be in your own best interest to not follow, or interact.

I will sometimes post things that you can find online such as those asks things and other things like that so feel free to respond to ask me any of those as well. ^~^ 

I will also post things not related to writing as well, be it to do with games I play, my other interests, other things and so on. These things will also be sectioned off into their own tag. 

When requesting, the maximum number of characters that you can request for is 4. Please do not exceed this limit. 

Please be specific when asking for a request, be it a scenario or set of headcannons; such as giving the specific details and description about what it is that you want so I have something to work with. Please don’t just ask ‘ Can I have nsfw scenario of (insert character name) ‘ This gives me next to nothing to work with and I want to make the scenarios that you request how you want it to be and the above example really doesn’t really give me much to go on. x_x

That being said, when it comes to writing nsfw content, such as scenarios or headcannons or just a piece of writing in general, when needed the characters, be them girl, boy or non binary, will be aged up if and as necessary. Unless, of course, they fall outside of being human. For example: if they are a demon or a vampire. Because being more then several decades older or just hundreds older then you physically appear, absolutely puts them outside of the box of needing to be aged up. However. Characters like Ortho or Luke from Twisted Wonderland or Obey Me will not be written for in terms of nsfw scenarios or content on this blog and nor will I be accepting requests for such things. Please. Do not come at me in the comments or ask's saying I'm gross, or other ridiculous allegations like I have seen happen with another friend of mine. I am not, and neither are my friend's, as gross- or gross at all for that matter- as the people who post actual content about minors on Rule34 to actually get off to. Nor will I ever be or condoning it. Though of course if me aging up these characters makes you uncomfortable, and that is absolutely fine, then don't read the content that I write for those character's. Simple. Just keep on scrolling past it. The read more option and content warnings will be included above all nsfw writings that I post and write for.

When the ask box is closed for scenarios and requests; please do not send in any.  When it is and isn't will be stated above it or on my dashboard.

I will be very clear about this. Even if I happen to write dark related and yandere related content that involves things such as abusive relationships and things to do with them or any of the yandere tropes that are mentioned I do not condone ANY of these things being done in real life. Yandere is completely different when it is done to a person in reality than when it is fiction. 

This blog is NOT an irl yandere blog or irl Nsfw blog. Just because I write for such subjects in no way means that I indulge in these things myself in real life. Please do not misconstrued or misunderstand this.  

Everything on this blog will all be sectioned off into its own tag. Those tags will be shown below or included in the Navigation when it comes out.

Hate mail, trolling or any harassment will be completely ignored and if it persists you will be blocked and reported. I don’t tolerate it when it's happening to my friends on their blog’s and I definitely don’t welcome it here. But if you insist on sending such mail to me, be my guest, since I’m not at all opposed to roasting sad little anon’s; just like I haven’t been when I have roasted those who see fit to target my friends. ^~^

If you are a blog that stumbles across mine and you love cats, dogs or just animals in general as much as I do, then please feel absolutely free to send in a message about them. ^~^ There’s nothing that I feel is greater for the soul then talking about the fur babies that we love with all our hearts. 

The same is very much said about characters that you simp for, be it men or women in anime or video games. When it comes to my own simpiry it will be sectioned off into its own tag and posted in the navigation, but I am a hundred percent open to talking about those topics, just...Keep in mind that I will be a very shy bean while I do so. ^/////^ >/////> The list of who I happen to simp for will also be included in the navigation, but again, when I get around to making it. <//////< ^//////^ 

When it comes to comments on writing’s and works that I write for, be it a request that I have done for you or just something that I have done out of my own hobby and passion, please feel free to leave a comment on it. ^~^ I want to hear your thoughts and opinions about the things that I write just as much as I want to interact with you all; and as much as I love and appreciate every heart that I get on my works on this blog, receiving a reblog and comment, be it in the tags or in the ‘ reply’s ‘ about a piece of writing that I’ve written is something that will always make my day. Seriously seeing someone losing their mind over something that I’ve written while being so flustered that they leave typos and lapse into a mash of letters???? Pure gold. To tell you the truth, it’s something I’ve always wanted to do; because it’s something that always brings a smile to my face every single time that I’ve seen my friends respond that way to writing that I’ve done for them; and it will make my day infinitely brighter, regardless of whether or not it’s been bad or not. ^~^

What I will write and will not be writing for

No’s:

I will not be accepting any scenarios to do with incest or pedophilia.

I will not be accepting requests or scenarios that depict graphic animal abuse or torture. Light is fine, but not graphic depictions. 

Under no circumstances will I ever be writing for any requests related to Killing Stalking. Or any of the shows and movies that for some reason now exist about literal serial killers, with that being said, I also will never be accepting requests for those individuals as well. 

I also will not be taking requests for Youtubers or celebrities.

I will not be accepting requests for angst that do not have comfort included within it.

I will not be accepting requests that depict the use of ‘ bodily fluids ‘ aside from the obvious in terms of nsfw scenarios.

Yes’s:

I will be accepting requests for yandere content, the level to which this will reach is up to you, be it hardcore yandere or of the more softer variety.

I will be accepting soft and fluffy request’s. 

I will be accepting nsfw request’s, the rule that applies to the yandere content, if you ask for it, applies as it depends on you how far I go with the level of degeneracy included in the request you ask for. In terms of what kind of reader that I write for, my go to will be gender neutral reader inserts just to make it easier for anyone reading my works to imagine themselves in the scenario in question and more enjoyable; but I am comfortable writing for Sub and Dom readers. 

I will be accepting angst requests, but not ones that have no comfort to them. 

I will be accepting requests that fall under the LGBTQ variety, that includes BXB and GXG. 

Do NOT interact or follow if you are a: 

Thinspo blog

Snap chat blog/fuck blog

Reblog account

Pro-Ana account

Blank/empty blog

Ageless blog

Homophobe

Sexist

Anti-Vax

MAP (Masquerading Asshole Pedophile) 

MAP Ally 

AAM ( Adult Attracted Minor )

Supremacist of any kind

Extreme Feminist

Minor and below the age of 18

If you- the person reading this, fall under any of the tumblr blog or just general categories listed above; you will be reported and blocked. No questions asked, no exceptions. You have been warned. The community I want to build for myself around this blog has no room for this kind of toxicity and it won’t be tolerated.

[blissfulalchemist]

�� 🙋‍♀️🏆❌ and 👀 for the writer emoji asks please :3

Ahh!! Thank you Lydia! I uh...got a little long at the end there because I just decided to be an over sharer. Apologies if I’ve posted any of them before!

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

.....Listen....people may not know exactly what I write but I tend to tell people that I write fanfic in my free time. I just get excited to share my stories and characters with people that will listen that it just kind of comes out before I can stop myself. I do also uh use it for job interviewing as it does help in showing I have something of a hobby that isn’t just watching tv and playing games. 

🏆 What's your most popular fic?

So I believe on here it’s still the phone sex piece I wrote for Hayat and Mason with that being a stand alone work that isn’t attached to a commission, in which case it would be one of the first Cat and John scenes I wrote ever! (Like even when I first started to write for them before joining the fandom on tumblr.

On my Ao3 if you go by views alone its “A Chance for Faith”, but if you go by kudos then its “A Little More Complicated Than That” which is my Sahar and tv Marc Spector.

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

Other than your standard like icky things I won’t really write things I’m not personally interested in reading or just don’t have a good handle on just what it is. Like I can’t really list off tropes as I genuinely don’t know what things are specifically all the time. While I may say I don’t like a/b/o that doesn’t mean I haven’t already possibly written it on accident (I am fairly certain though I haven’t written it as its not something that sounds like my tastes) as I just write with little regard to genre at the time of writing. I guess horror might be the only one I won’t write as like a trope because its not that I dislike it (I quite enjoy me some good horror!) I just don’t know how to and I have very little frame of reference as to what it means to create good horror that fits my style and characters, I will simply leave it to the professionals (yeah mutuals that write horror I’m looking at you!)!

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

alkdjfldjgl! Uhm....hmmm....I think I have to compliment on the ability I have to put emotions into my writing that people seem to like a lot! I always have a goal in mind that when I write things it should feel like you are feeling what the character is feeling (and hopefully not in a way that acts like I’m telling you the reader exactly how you should feel about it). I use styling of how words look, placement, and body language since these were things that I saw and read growing up that influenced how I also convey a scene. So apologies to those that don’t like the abundant use of italics, exclimations, ellipsis, single word paragraphs, and those times I just smush words together making it hard to read, its just the best way I can make the scene feel like the movie I see in my head.

I will also give a shout out to the times that I managed to subvert the intention of prompts sent in to me. Again most of the time I just let a piece take me and sometimes that means making very fluffy and domestic kind of prompts into angst sagas. 

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

God! I really haven’t written anything more significant in a long while! I have things started but nothing that hasn’t been shared before and that isn’t FFXIV related. Like I’ve touched on things but they’ve been little notes here and there so I could have reminders as to what I was thinking about with certain pieces going. In the mean time I’m gonna catch up on wip tags and sharing a little bit of everything that I think is new. There might be some stuff that gives away plot pionts to ffxiv so please be warned! 

To start here’s a little Demos from FF during Heavensward:

“Come here to drag me back to Alphinaud’s side, Yugiri,” he asks with a smile, not ready to face her quite yet.

“I actually thought I’d join you for a bit, Demos.” He nods, sitting up right to give her more space, “Why do you come up here? It’s not the easiest of places to get too.”

He shrugs, “Not that hard, but no one thinks to look up here.” They sit in silence looking over the city for a few minutes, Demos watching her relax out of the corner of his eye. “How did you know I’d be up here anyway?”

“Hm,” she looks over at him and down to the journal stuffed into the band of his belt, “Tataru gave me one of your drawings to use as a map, the perspective of it could have only been achieved from some place up high. So I just looked towards the sky.”

“I should have known it was her that’s been taking my cityscapes,” he laughs, “Was it helpful at least?”

“Quite. I use it to show the other shinobi where to be when the need arises.” She tilts her head, nodding to the journal, “Have you done anything new?”

In truth he hadn’t drawn more than a few lines for almost two weeks now, nothing here felt new or inspiring. Still she looked at him so expectantly and gods he didn’t want to disappoint her. He pulls the journal free, quickly flipping through the mass of blank pages before landing on a random one, “Oh plenty! Here take a look.” She looks at the page confused, “I call it Blizzard Forest,” he flips to a different page, “This one is more abstract and titled Collection of Snowflakes.” She looks up at his smiling face that’s holding back some laughter, the next page he flips to having a few rushed lines, “Oh this one is of the area just past the gates.” Yugiri laughs, making his smile grow as he picks yet another blank page, “This one is just a snow covered rock. And this one-.”

“Wow you really love to draw the snow don’t you,” she teases, handing the book back, “I was hoping to see something different of yours.” He sighs, giving another shrug, “Guess you would need a bit more variety of surroundings.”

“Most of my other works are either at home or Revenant's Toll….along with the better supplies.”

“Can you not find them here?”

“I can, it's just,” Demos shakes his head, “Well there’s something about using your older stuff. Like it’s not fair to give new life to something when the others have so much more to give still.” He leans forward, brown hair falling into his eyes, “It’s a weird sentiment but it’s just….” Demos gives a shrug, shaking away the thought.

“I don’t find it weird at all,” he glances up at her soft smile with wide eyes, “Sounds almost like something an old friend of mine would say.”

“From back in Doma?” She nods, eyes filling with melancholy as she looks straight ahead, “What was it like there?” He asks, pulling out the journal and pencil from his pocket, “Describe it to me.”

Here’s a little Sahar post Moon Knight show events:

“It was me,” she repeats, “I made sure Ammit was dead.” She steps forward, “Marc and Steven knew nothing about it.”

“Well clearly,” she hears Steven mumble.

“I am the current High Priestess of Khonshu, I was simply following my duty.”

“And what duty is that? By my understanding you have been very vocal about your distrust of our brethren.”

“I swore to protect the travelers in the night, to enact vengeance and justice on those that deserve it,” she tilts her head, daring them to look her in the eye, “I may be from another earth but I will not stray from my purpose.”

“Are you implying that you have become his most current avatar?”

She swallows, rolling her lips, “He needed one and I am the most qualified, don’t you agree?”

“Sahar you shouldn’t have done that,” Marc growls out, “You know what he’s capable of.”

She crosses her arms, glancing at Marc, “Exactly. The Khonshu of my earth was an opportunistic dick that had many more tricks up his sleeve making it harder to tell him no. This one is a cakewalk.”

“Is this an agreeable arrangement, Khonshu?” A goddess asks, lifting her hand prompting the old bird to speak. You better get the hint, Khonshu, After a moment she feels a chill throughout her body and a force slam into her back, gasping as she no longer feels her limbs.

“It’s not like I have much of a choice,” she says in a deeper tone, “Don’t worry I will help in keeping Jake a secret.”, “This world still needs justice to be served.”

“Are you saying that you’d rather have Marc back?”

“Well sad to say that even if he did, he can’t have us back,” Steven asserts, “We made a deal.”

“And I will uphold that deal.” Khonshu flexes her hands, “Though I could grow to like this one. She’s gained more training-.”

“And she’s stubborn enough to keep you in line. Don’t go thinkin’ we haven’t forgotten about how she’s stood up to her universe’s version of you,” Steven narrows his eyes, “Not that I like this idea of her being your avatar.”

Here’s a little bit of Anthea and their first meeting of Hythlodaeus:

The person sitting across from them exhales removing their mask and hood revealing lavender hair that goes just past the shoulders braided loosely, paired with sparkling amethyst eyes that keep Anthea entranced until he smiles softening the angles of his fair, lightly sun-kissed face. He’s one of the most beautiful people they’d seen, their brain already spouting out ideas on flowers that could be made based around him. “You‘re free to remove your mask if you’d like.” Anthea stiffens recognizing the man’s voice as the same one from the stranger she fell into. He gives a nod, “Do you wish to begin, then?”

“Hm,” Anthea blinks a few times while the words he says gain meaning in their brain, “Oh right. Yes, sorry. Uhm….” They look down in their lap at the plant bag and stack of papers beneath it, deciding to put the plant between them hoping it can mask the blush they’re sure can be seen through the one they already wear. “Apologies, normally I just send paperwork in or someone else takes it for me, rarely do I ever make the trip myself, but I felt it necessary this time around.” They take a breath, shuffling papers before looking up to see the new centerpiece does wonders to block the distraction his all too pretty face can cause. Anthea clears their throat, “Right, well, my name is Anthea and I am here to submit new flora for approval to be studied on Elpis.”

“Wonderful,” he says cheerfully, peeking around to meet their eyes, “I’ve seen the design and have been most curious about the finished product.”

His hands reach out to open the bag, Anthea quickly shooing them away, “Well see here’s the issue, mister…,” they look around the desk hoping to find a name plate before-.

“Hythlodaeus,” he smiles, folding his hands in front of him politely, “Pleasure to meet you, Anthea.”

“Same to you,” they respond quickly, looking down at their paperwork once more, I swear he’s purposely trying to show off his face which is wholly unfair. “The issue, Hythlodaeus, is that this particular flora wasn’t approved prior. It just….happened. I didn’t mean to make something so far from the design already approved, so I’m hoping for a retro approval and approval to allow Elpis to study it.”

“Hmm, I see.” He looks to their lap, “Might I see what you have written so that I can prepare myself.”

“I could uhm also just show you.”

He laughs, “I do try to be prepared for my appointments, Anthea, and I read that the last time something like this occurred you brought in a carnivorous plant of some kind.”

“No one’s going to let that one go are they,” they grumble.

And finally a little bit of Siberite during Heavensward:

She shakes her head, “No, everything is fine. I apologize for waking you.”

His body relaxes giving her an easy smile, “Good, good. No need to apologize. You just, well, you just never know in these times,” he assures with a chuckle, “How may I be of service to you?” She looks down, absently tearing at her nails, Was it truly not enough to just lay in silence?. He cocks his head to the side looking at her curiously, “What’s wrong, my friend? What’s happened?”

She takes a deep breath, “I uhm-. I was-. It’s too cold in my room, I was hoping to stay with you?”

“I can arrange to have a fire started for you.”

“No, thank you,” she says, shaking her head.

He opens his mouth only to shut it once more, giving a solemn nod with the understanding finally hitting him. “Of course,” he says, opening the door wider, “I can sleep on the chair over-.”

“No. No need to give up your bed for me.”

“Well I certainly can’t have you sleeping in the chair, it's simply not right of a gentleman to do so.”

“Then we share the bed, Haurchefant.” She looks up at him, the words having slipped out before she had a chance to stop them or even phrase the whole thing in a less direct manner. “Unless you don’t feel comfortable with that idea.”

He gives her a soft smile, “Of course not, your comfort comes first, Siberite.” She gives a single nod, finding a place easily in the bed, Haurchefant covering her delicately with the blankets before laying down next to her. Her eyes close with ease into a dreamless sleep with his even breathing as her lullabye and his warmth melting away the last of the lingering nightmare. 

When she wakes, his hand is pressed to her chest underneath her own smaller hand, leg tossed between his, and her head using his free arm as a pillow, all the while his fingers trace patterns up and down her arm with a small smile. She blinks a few times until the ash blonde hair turns back to the silver of who really is tangled up in her limbs. “Good morning,” he says with a light laugh once she finally focuses on him, “Did you sleep well?” She nods, releasing his hand and sliding back to free him fully of her grasp, the ache and pain starting once again the instant his skin is no longer in contact with hers. She stands from the bed, Haurchefant reaching for her hand, “Wait, there’s no rush. Stay. Have something to eat before you run off to be a hero.”

Siberite hugs herself, shaking her head, “I should really be going. Thank you, though, for coming to my rescue last night.”

“No need to thank me, just send for me and I’ll be there.”

His never ending smile falters as he sits up, tugging at her heart. “I’m sorry for my behavior, it-. It wasn’t fair of me to throw myself at you like that.”

[butch-reidentified]

only reply to this one once you've rested since its long but id like to know your opinion on these critiques of b/f? politfuckery tumblr com/post/615976664879464448/

Ima be real, I didn't read all of that but I read parts and skimmed through the rest. Over all, I don't really have an opinion tbh because this isn't really how I view butch/femme relationships and I don't relate to what they're discussing. Nothing about my relationship is performative; I'm not "extra super duper masc" and she's CERTAINLY not especially feminine. The pic of her with the goats from the wedding thread is her typical look - tee shirt, comfy pants, usually sandals or converse, sometimes boots if we're doing something outdoors, hair untouched or pulled back in a scrunchy, no makeup. There's no power dynamic at all, we both look after each other equally, and we don't even own a strap on. We bought one once early in our relationship because we felt like we were supposed to and some college peers pressured us to, but never used it and eventually gave it to a friend.

I've never encountered any butch/femme couple who claims to be trying to pass for het at all, let alone for safety reasons. Usually it's couples like us that I meet - one whose personality is a tiny bit more "feminine" and one who is naturally more "tomboyish." I don't know any lesbians irl into bdsm and all that either, so I can't speak to that.

Basically, I think the opinions in that thread seem to be reacting to a specific type of butch/femme relationship that I've never personally encountered. I certainly don't agree over all with their implication that all butch/femme couples are like that. I resent having my relationship described as "trying to mimic heterosexuality" or whatever, when the reality is that two people just fuckin fall in love and that's that. I have never ever known a butch/femme couple for whom it was a major part of their identity/personality or who expected each other to adhere to certain roles and expectations. It's always just kind of a casual, easy way to label a relationship. Honestly, other people label our relationship butch/femme way more often than she or I do, and we kinda just go with it even though it's not important to us either way.

They are acting like butch/butch or femme/femme is somehow superior or more pure, but wouldn't it be infinitely more performative and fake for me to pretend to be less "masculine" or her to pretend to be more so? Or for us to just ignore our feelings for each other entirely and lose out on a beautiful relationship and life together just because some people think we're copying heterosexuals?

We are who we are and we love who we love. If you want to criticize performative, fake butch/femme couples or individuals, that's legit. If you want to criticize butch/femme couples who live in accepting places and pretend they're desperate to blend in by passing as het for safety reasons, go for it. If you want to criticize bdsm, phallocentrism, strap on use, etc, have at it! But don't pretend any of these are universal or inherent to all butch/femme relationships.

Some - I'd argue most - of us aren't trying to be or act like anything we aren't; we're just being ourselves and are constantly nitpicked and criticized no matter what. Threads & posts like these are interesting to me because they talk about how butch/femme couples are allegedly not acknowledging the level of hardship and criticism masculine women face.... but I'm assuming OP isn't a masculine woman if she's writing about it from an observer perspective. So she's saying she knows all about how masc women are treated and it's her responsibility to explain that to the masc women themselves??

This thread talks about how hostile society is to butches while actively perpetuating that hostility and a lot of the same stereotypes. It just lacks nuance in a major way and feels very self-righteous and "savior"-y. I also don't like how they describe "casually feminine" women as "normal." I'm honestly not super interested in critiques of lesbian and particularly butch/femme relationships from someone who clearly still has a lot to work through in regards to their perspectives on sex and gender.

My relationship isn't about blending in or being "iconic" or a subculture or a way of having sex or whatever. We are just two grown women who have found what makes us happy and who we authentically are, and also fell hard for each other. It's that simple. I never explicitly sought out a butch/femme relationship and honestly was mostly into other masc women when I was dating. I still don't really like hyperfemininity.

My wife doesn't wear makeup or dresses or heels or do up her hair or remove her body hair. She isn't quiet or submissive or weak or delicate. She actually has a black belt and used to teach women's self defense - unpaid on a volunteer basis. She's a badass, not some delicate little housewife like that thread seems to stereotype femme lesbians as. Honestly though femme identity isn't something she's really attached to or cares about. I refer to my relationship as a butch/femme one because it fits well enough, and my butch identity is relatively important to me, but she's wildly normie and doesn't put any real weight on the femme label.

To me, femme identity should be about a type of femininity that is subversive to a degree and specifically is NOT appealing to straight men. It should be more like 《I have intentionally worked through and unlearned much of my performative femininity, but find that I really do like x, y, and z stereotypically feminine things. However, I also refuse to participate in harmful, anti-woman activities like spending a fortune on "anti-aging" products, cosmetic surgery, diet culture, makeup, silencing myself, etc.》

They seem to have a very narrow view of butch/femme relationships and individuals, seems like probably a result of limited experiences with them irl & confirmation bias. I don't care if it makes them "uncomfortable lite," because who we are and our relationship is for just us, not for them, and it would be (ironically) performative for us to do or be anything else. I just don't think they really know what they're talking about tbqh, or maybe I just haven't encountered it.

But yeah I just.. all these things they're describing are things I haven't seen. Maybe it's just where I'm from or who I hang out with, but all the butch/femme couples I know are just very chill, normal women who don't put much into it and rarely if ever bring it up. Certainly not what that post describes. I would not enjoy being in a relationship like what they describe there, or even hanging out with people like that.

[hvmelander]

🔥🔥

Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion.

i think in some instances whats more important in media and in rp is not the topic but how its portrayed. theres nothing wrong with having specific boundaries and have topics you dont want to engage with. generally ive found people are mostly good at just curating their own dash and leaving people alone unless theres a good reason to warn people about their conduct or what theyre writing. i have sometimes seen in the rpc some weird assumptions being made about people based on topics or characters they write but without any regard to how they approach it. obviously im aware of this with this blog in particular, but i think its a broad minor issue in a lot of fandoms ive been in over the course of 12 years on tumblr especially. there are definitely bigger problems in rpc and fandom but it does crop up from time to time. ive seen it cause unnecessary conflicts and in the worst instances harassment. its odd to me that writers can be paid to write these topics, corporations can profit off of their inclusion in source material, but someone writing online for free because they enjoying writing is a bridge too far. it feels a lot like people are not able to really make a dent in what big budget media is putting out so instead of trying to tackle the larger target they glom on to someone their own size so to speak. rambling but whatever hopefully i got the point across

related to 1, i think a lot of the discourse that happens in the rpc rarely ends up being productive because tumblr rp is probably one of the worst places to try and have big, important discourses that dont end up with people spiralling out into some nasty shit. lots of us are anonymized strangers, some people dont show their face, many use aliases, and theres nothing wrong with this but i think it can make these discussions really difficult. its a problem online generally bc of how much easier it is to do and say things you never would irl because the other person isnt really a person to you bc of that layer of separation. also its easier to mistrust people bc its so easy for people to lie online and i think everyone has heard of secondhand, witnessed, or experienced firsthand some internet bullshit if not outright horror stories. an environment like that is not a great one for productive conversations about like.... ethics and politics. its not unique to tumblr or to rpers, twitter is a hellscape for similar reasons.

[bogkeep]

i wanted to write another blog post about my relationship to Stories again, and this time i'm revisiting the topic of Shipping. it's not the first time i have written about my relationship to it, and it PROBABLY won't be the last, but maybe i say something i haven't said before, hey? and don't worry, this isn't about The Discourse. or not that discourse, anyway. this is more about how i went from a bitter aroace "I HATE SHIPPING" kid to creating elaborate relationship dodecahedrons with my own characters for fun and personal fulfillment. this one was actually pretty hard to write and also pretty personal, so i'm readmore'ing it!

i've changed, the internet's changed, of course my feelings about it have changed over the years. i had a lot of stuff to work out and i still probably have! sometimes it feels like i'm just shoveling shame from one side to the other. why do i have so much shame i'm not even catholic!!!! so back when baby haiz found out he's aroace, it was still very niche. i think awareness about asexuality was juuust starting to pick up on tumblr, aromanticism was still thought of as a subgroup of asexuality rather than an identity in its own right, and the worst discourse going around was people denying its existence and making amoeba jokes. simpler times. i was a fresh fledgling aroace who didn't know i was autistic yet, i was a teen, i found anything sexual DEEPLY uncomfortable and was wrestling with that in a heavily sexualized society and also high school where everyone is making dumb sex jokes and trying to trip you over with stupid innuendos, and i was STARVING for any kind of acknowledgement that i'm Valid. i was so very very lonely about it! i'm still mutuals with the first irl ace person i met, and i think i went several years between picking up that identity and sharing a ticket booth at the convention we volunteered at. shipping culture at that time had a completely different vibe, too. the attitude was like, if you're not shipping anything, why are you even bothering with media? how do you have FUN? (i didn't like drinking or partying either, so i was already pretty familiar with that attitude). people would deliberately put on their shipping goggles and my feed would be full of analysis about THESE TWO CHARACTERS ARE SUPER DEFINITELY IN LOVE LOOK AT THIS 0,2 SECONDS WHERE THEIR EYES MEET. OH MY GOSH THEY HUGGED!! of course that rubbed me the wrong way - i had spent years trying to explain to my classmates that nO, my best friend and i AREN'T A COUPLE, STOP READING INTO IT!!!! and then i would log on and everyone would keep reading romantic intent into every single character interaction. it drove me up a wall. i was already so anxious about saying something that could be taken as innuendo in some way, and then i ALSO had to worry about how anything could be read as romantic? exhausting. and yes, NOW i know that's not the worst thing that can happen. people will assume wrongly all the time and sometimes there's nothing to do but accept that i can't control how other people percieve me. suffice it to say i used to be really really uptight about the whole shipping deal, haha. even worse when i latched on to pretty much any vaguely ace-coded character (yes yes i joined tumblr because of bbc sherlock leave me alone) and had to make peace with the fact that thousands of other people were extremely insistent that these characters were actually super gay and super sexual. which is silly in retrospect - those characters were never confirmed to be canonically ace or gay (or both!), so there would be all that fighting about what headcanon is the best representation. that's not how headcanons work!!!! it sucked when you just, really crave a depiction of a close friendship that never turns romantic - and no, not just the queerbaity bromance ones, at the time i would've killed for a girl/boy friendship that got to stay that way. it really pains me to admit to just how much i relate to all the "why can't they just stay friends" guys. i don't have that attitude anymore, but it was never because i didn't want canon queer relationships on tv, it was never because i thought there was already lots of gay representation, i knew there wasn't. but it was so lonely and disheartening that every single time i could relate to anyone on a screen, every other watcher would go "oh yeah those guys are totally fucking". i know!! we were fighting over the same breadcrumbs!!! we all wanted different things from the same show and NONE of us got what we wanted! it was such a stupid thing to clash over!!! it was so hard to explain the othering and the loneliness and the absolute dismissal i felt as an aroace person in a world that put romance on a

pedestal above everything else - even before the acecourse took a turn for the worse. i don't really want to go into details about it, as it was frankly traumatizing to me. but there was something about the way people would act as if real people's actual identities were good or bad representaiton in some way, as if we were all characters in a tv show - and being ace was bad representation. somehow. it was cringy and reflected badly upon the rest of the "community". i hate hate hate how ashamed i became of my own identity and myself. i hate how much i would just accept my own friends trashing a core part of my identity right in front of me, and felt too wounded and vulnerable to take a proper stance. i can't say i handled everything perfectly or even gracefully - that i've never had stances or said things i now regret - but i was a teen still trying to figure out how to be myself. i suppose the same goes for everyone i knew at the time. i think something about being 19 sets you on fire and you're just burning a lot of anger out before you lay back in a bed of ashes. or maybe that's just me. i don't think i've ever stopped being aroace. there is no point in my life where i woke up and thought, i'm a different person now. yes, i'm different than who i used to be, but what's turned the wheels inside me is the experienced i've had that i didn't have before. even stubbornly aromantic and asexual i still craved companionship, or at least, to try it, figure out what the big deal is. i'm still very happy i got to try it out with my first girlfriend (and now my close friend). it was a lovely time, and i don't think either of us did any of it 'wrong' - but i really did pressure myself into being someone i'm not capable of being. i got crushed under the weight i piled on top of myself. even with all the acceptance i was given for my identity, even with all the ground rules figured out on day one, i was still so ashamed of not feeling things the 'right way'. and with the horrible acecourse dangling the carrot in front of me, that i was only allowed to Belong as long as i was a REAL gay, it wasn't helping, you know? (sidenote that isn't really relevant to the topic, but one thing i DO regret is how public i was about my relationship. i mean it's no wonder, it was very exciting and it was fun, but it very quickly became less fun when people would comment things like "omg u two are relationship goals" or "i'm going to live vicariously through you". it's already so incredibly hard to break up with someone you do actually love and care about, and even harder when other people take it as some kind of personal offense or make all kinds of wild assumptions about it. sometimes things just aren't working as they are! it's nobody's business but ours either way!) i'm still in relationships. i've had brushes with crushes. i don't really care to put a word on what my exact identity is anymore, it just is what it is. i'm definitely somewhere on the aromantic spectrum. i'm non-monogamous. i'm definitely asexual - i've had to reclaim my own identity from the claws of shame and discourse, all the while i've reclaimed my own personal sexuality from years of being turned into 'sweet innocent cinnamon roll, too pure for this earth' by my peers in the past. do you know how humiliating it is to be in your mid-twenties and still struggle with this stuff?? so often i have to remind myself i'm an adult, it's NORMAL and OKAY. and like, it's nobody's fault that i'm Like This. i'm not gonna blame high schoolers for my weird brain prison. for all my bitterness, i don't hold anything against people in my past. we were all messy. that's just what being a teen was like. what i have really really done is this. for one, i accepted that the way i'm going to do relationships is never going to be the "normal" way, and there's no point in trying to, or forcing myself through motions that goes against my grain. for second, in doing so i've just... dismantled and deconstructed what a 'relationship' is. you take all the pieces apart, keep the ones that make sense to

you, and reassemble it to a new structure. it might not even be that different from what you started with! maybe you just delete all the bloatware. here's the big thing. at the very core of it, all interpersonal relationships are the same. it's a Connection To Another Person. so many mechanics are the same. circumstances differ - family member, coworker, friend, acquaintance, romantic partner, sexual partner - of course these aren't the same, but also, no familial relationships are the same, all of your friends will mean different things to you.. i don't know, we all exist in this huge world and there's so many people, and we create so many bonds. there is so much overlap. maybe a marriage doesn't depend entirely on whatever tingly feeling you get from being in love. a sexual partner can be a stranger or a friend, not just your One True Love. where does the line between really really loving your best friend and being in love with your best friend go? for all the attention the concept of a 'romantic partner' is given in our society, i think it's a thinner slice on the pie chart than what 'friend' might be. do you know how MANY different kinds of friendship that one category has to make room for? i don't know, either. and i think there's a huge slice that exists between 'friend' and 'romantic/sexual partner' that just... there is no language for it (or when people do try to find language for it, there is so much backlash), most of the time, or gets placed in a category that's easy to explain to others. it's like... the expected structure buckles under all the variety of love and connection we actually experience in our life. am i making any sense? i think my main problem with Shipping was this - the flattening. for the longest time, it seemed to me as if you Shipped two characters, you had to put them in the same mold as every other Couple. it didn't matter what their dynamic was in canon, if you shipped them you'd just slap them onto the pre-made relationship dynamic you already had lying around. i KNOW that's not universal. nor do i have anything against the vocabulary of shipping - it's very useful and it's important fandom culture. but as that culture has evolved, i do think there's this kind of dissonance, where Shipping A Thing might mean A LOT OF DIFFERENT THINGS FOR A LOT OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE. everything from "to me these two are soulmates and they love and respect eachother so much across every timeline" to "yeah they tried to kill eachother several times and they're both awful wrecks but it's hot" to "these two are extremely divorced" to "person A pines for person B endlessly and they never end up together" and a million other dynamics and outcomes. between you and me, i think a lot of shipping wank happens because the term 'shipping', like a lot of other terms, can have such broad meaning. hard to be on the same page when you're reading different books! there are SO MANY STORIES TO TELL!!!! and i LIKE stories. interpersonal relationships are incredibly fun to explore. and yes, i have over the years finally managed to make peace with Ships - it was difficult because i never wanted to be a hypocrite (sometimes you are a hypocrite!! it happens when you change your opinion about something! it's fine!), but i finally accepted that i Did in fact ship some things. it was also a lot easier when it didn't feel so mandatory, when i could ship things out of my own volition rather than "how else are you having fun". when i can delight in a specific dynamic rather than Standard Relationship. but for me it's also like, the Story. now that i'm focusing so much on my own characters i am having a Fantastic Time exploring rejections and pining and weird friendships and awkward family. i don't care if it's Good or Bad representation, because that was never the point. people experience things, people change, people grow close and grow apart, the boundaries one draws, the reclaiming of the self, the holding of a hand, the holding of a heart. you know? i used to groan at the Mandatory Romantic Relationship in every story, but

now it's like, yeah okay, sell me on it. give me something interesting. tell me how it happens. because i think a lot of these feelings, a lot of these experiences, they aren't exclusive to any one identity, or any one type of relationship. if you ship for the sake of shipping because that's how you have fun, by all means! have fun. here's a fibre cloth for your glasses. my way of reading things isn't Better or More Sophisticated. it's just how i prefer to read my stories and watch my shows. i'm having a much better time now that i've grown up a fair bit, relaxed a whole lot. i don't even entirely know what "my way" is. i just deconstructed a whole lot of words and concepts and im poking at the debris. as you do.

[bitty-bits]

A Week

A lot happened yet I'm still in the same place.

Oh yeah, is the RSS and newsletter stuff working? Tell me... I also wanna see if I can get the embed to show the first image so this post technically lacks a title I guess, let's see

The past week was very busy for me, I had to travel to another state to do some boring shit. Though I got to see people I haven't seen since the start of the pandemic, so that was nice.

Here's a little something since I couldn't write something in time last month.

Tumblr Nukes Me For No Reason

It seems to be a thing that happens with a certain frequency

On April 22nd, Tumblr completely deactivated my account (including this blog) for seemingly no reason - the only plausible reason being spam coming from my poor implementation of lu9bot from Twitter to Tumblr.

Well, this is no longer a problem, but it was still frustrating that it happened in the first place.

April Fools 2k22

I made an NFT, didn't sell it, and Totally Fooled Everyone with a very real hexagonal profile pic.

pfp used on that day

pfp after becoming corrupted by crypto

And in case you didn't know: If you upload a PNG with the exact dimensions of 400x400px as your profile pic, the image will retain its transparency! Nice!!!!!!!!!!

Other Stuff

Wow I'm bad at this

umm

Brazilian Chocolate Likes Toby Fox, I Think

That's a weird oddly specific one huh

I really don't know what else to say

I haven't done anything worthwhile in a long time lmao I get real lazy sometimes and just feel like sleeping all day but to be fair there was my trip and there's still more boring irl stuff to resolve, I just hope I don't end this month with nothing worth showing, and I really wanna do stuff related to Ketchup Dreams, and finally start it in some capacity. I also just wanna see other people draw my characters.

That said I'll still do this blog thing and eventually I'll figure out the right pace for me.

Bitty's Message of the Day

Draw me!

[hellothere-generalangsty]

THE BAD BATCH THEORY

Some spoilers of ep1, ep2 and ep8

Also a TW later on (it's notified so don't worry)

I hate it, but I still think about what my bf told me a few days ago about Crosshair

Basically he told me "I'm sure he doesn't have a chip and he's willingly following the Empire"

And I was like "no because he reacted to Order 66, said the infamous 'good soldiers follow orders' and they showed a scene where he was tortured as they enhanced his chip so it could totally take control of him"

But then yesterday I think I read this post on Tumblr where OP said smth like "what if he gets the chip removed but remains loyal to the Empire"

And I'm telling you, this is making me nervous because I know he's an asshole to the regs and he's cold and irritating; hell I would probably punch him if I met him irl.

But also. I can't imagine him just being bad. I can't picture him willingly hunting his brothers, trying to kill them, obeying orders like a good little soldier and being used as a war tool by the Empire when he couldn't take an order from Rex if Hunter didn't agree to it first.

Like... I know some people don't like him/ hate his guts, which I understand (difference btw fiction and reality, like I said above I would probably punch the snark out of him if I met him irl) but I also see the way he's synchronised with his brothers, the way he teases Wrecker with silly bets on who will take out the more droids; or the way he gently pat Echo's shoulder when they rescued him; or the way he holds so much respect for Hunter and his leadership.

I mean, family is a damn weird thing, sometimes you fight, you drag each other down, you make snarky remarks; but you also always got their back when they need you, you'd do anything to protect them from intruders and you'd put yourself on the line to make sure nothing bad happens to them.

And that's what he does everytime we see him with the BB pre-Order 66.

And post-Order 66, he sticks to his brothers, even if he disagrees with Hunter about the fate of Caleb, even if he feels filled with frustration and anger. He only turned against them when he's completely brainwashed by Tarkin and the enhencement of his chip; and even then we still have moments where he's doubting/hesitating (ep8), reflecting back (ep2).

So yeah. Do what you want with that, I just want Crosshairs saved from the chip, and see the aftermath, the consequences it has on his relation with his brothers; and with himself.

(TW: violence/ death, implicit mention of wanting to die, break down)

Just imagine:

Crosshair getting rid of the chip, fully aware of what he did under its control; all the killings and the tracking and the death threats on his brother's lives.

The way he almost shot Hunter, then Tech, then tried to get Omega killed.

The scars on his face being a painful reminder of him ordering his Empire squad to brun his family alive.

Have him sit by himself in the cockpit of the Havoc Marauder, unable to sleep because of the nightmares he has everytime he closes his eyes.

Let him get really uncomfortable when one of the Batcher join him; Wrecker or Hunter, sitting in silence in one of the seat, trying to keep him company but not wanting to invade too much...

But it's too much to bear anyway, and he breaks down. He shoves his face in his hands, barely able to mutter a "sorry"

And first he got tears rolling down his cheeks as he whispers "I couldn't help it", and it get worse when he says that he tried, he really did, he missed his shots even though it was atrocious and so hard to fight against the damn chip

And as he ugly cries, cockpit filled by his sniffing and his sobs, he confesses that he wanted one of them to get him.

"I wanted the nightmares to stop"

And his brother, sitting next to him, so taken aback by his confession, his behavior, he doesn't even know what to say neither how to react

Because the snarky and cold-facaded Crosshair is gone and all that's left is a broken man, a little brother begging for forgiveness.

I want a brutal shift in his behavior, as a direct consequence of the effect the chip had on him; the possessive and oh so nefast influence.

I want him being mentally and physically unable to mock or get snarky at his brothers because it triggers memories of the times he really did try to hurt them.

I want him to be as silent as usual, but now when he talks it's always to bring out something positive his brothers did or said; or a constructive criticism on a plan, a mission. He still chews on his toothpick, even more than he did before, and he cannot sleep alone anymore.

He grows to loathe cold blue, and doesn't protest when Omega paints a miniature version of his plush on his helmet. The next time the Batchers cross path with Rex, he takes him to a quiet corner and apologize about that one mission to save Echo, about the regs- the brothers Rex lost during Order 66.

I want him to realise that he was an asshole, but he is not a bad person in his core. Let him face the consequences of his snark; but also let him heal from the traumatic experiences he had to endure because of the chip, the Empire, Tarkin and Palpatine.

___________________________________________

Edit: just tagging @loth-wolffe again don't mind me I deleted the comment that's why 💀