#ive always hated changing the way i looked for others and i still refuse to

[thegreatclowncat]

God doesn't look at what's on the outside anyway

[cordeliawhohung]

js discovered ur blog recently and i am FED. im gobbling up the writings ur brain has created god bless🙏🏻

what do you think of mafia!price reacting to his wife being insecure about her stretch marks from her pregnancy/postpartum?

ive been so worked up over my stretch marks cause ive been gaining weight recently😭😭 btw, its totally cool if u dont wanna do this...

remember to take care of urself ya :3👍❗️❗️🔥🔥🔥

thank you so much!! and oh my god i have THOUGHTS about this. i gained 40ish pounds in the span of a few months and my stretch marks are so deep i can run my fingers over them and FEEL them and it took me a while to learn that it's natural and to accept them as a part of myself, but god is it freeing. anyway. story.

mafia!141 masterlist

warnings: body image issues, slight postpartum depression, hurt/comfort, fem!reader

You don't look in mirrors anymore.

Before you had your beautiful bundle of joy, your reflection had never bothered you. Really, there wasn't really anything you felt at all when you looked into one. All a mirror had been was just a tool. Something to guide your hands when styling your hair or to ensure you had cleansed the makeup from your face.

So quickly had that tool become a weapon.

Wretched and cruel, all the mirror seemed to reflect those days was everything you tried to ignore. The stretch of your skin, those atrocious lines that plagued your stomach and thighs; your eyes were magnetized to them every time you looked at yourself. Most of all, it reminded you that the day you gave birth to your daughter, you had become more than just a mother. You became a spectacle.

It's why you started wearing baggy clothes around the house because if you could muddle the shape of your body, maybe you could blur the crevices that shredded your skin. So when your darling husband snuck up behind you while you worked on folding laundry in the bedroom, your immediate instinct was to push him away. Despite how warm his arms felt around you with large, thick hands smoothing over your stomach, you were terrified he'd feel the parts of you that were broken.

"Everything alright, love?" John asked softly at your rejection. His fingertips slowly slipped off of your body but lingered as if he regretted the movement, and they seared as if he had dug claws into you, refusing to let go.

"Yeah," you answered, but you hated how broken you sounded, even to your own ears.

Your lie was obvious, not just in the tone of your voice but in the posture of your body. How sweaty hands held a half folded shirt against your stomach as if you could hide away the shame that ate away at you. Stepping to the side, John slowly lowered your hands away from you body and turned you to face him where you were met with the watery hue of his eyes.

"What's wrong?" he questioned, all but ripping the answer from your mouth.

You hated the way your lip trembled, how your shame crashed against you with such overwhelming force you nearly suffocated. There were countless times when you had been bare in front of him, laid out perfectly in bed or on top of him with a sweaty body and quickened breath. So why did you feel more stripped in that moment than any other?

"Do you... still think I'm pretty?" you choked out.

John's expression didn't change much after those words left your mouth. It was as if he already knew what ailed you. In a way, he always seemed to know you better than you knew yourself.

"Do you think you are?" he countered.

"Not anymore."

He had expected that answer too, and yet still couldn't hide the way he nearly winced. You braced yourself for his rebuttal, for the string of words telling you that you were beautiful, that you were crazy to think otherwise. Your whole life, self deprecation was always met with stern correction, because god forbid you ever felt a little insecure.

But it wasn't that way with John.

Instead, he sunk to the ground until he was on his knees, and when he took your hands into his it felt as if he was proposing all over again. The love in his eyes, the way his thumbs ran over your knuckles, it was all so intimate, so raw, and your throat grew tight at the sight.

"You brought a beautiful, perfect girl into our lives," he said softly. His eyes didn't stray from you for even a moment. "Carried her for months. Nourished her; still nourishing her. I think it's a little unfair to expect yourself to stay unchanged. Doesn't make you any less beautiful. You're still my wife. My girl. The mother of my child."

It was impossible to stop the tears from spilling, and they only fell harder the moment John leaned forward and placed a soft kiss against your stomach. So tender, as if embracing an open wound and healing it all in the same motion. It was so kind, too kind, and it forced all of your thoughts and held back words to dissipate in the back of your throat.

"Darling, you're the love of my life," he said in a near whisper, "don't ever forget that."

[delwrites]

Hey 😚 i saw you were open to request so here i am haha but totally fine if you wanna skip it tho

Ive been really into friends to secret lover trope lately

Could you write a james x reader were childhood friend and around their sixth year in hogwarts they realized their feeling and they started to secretly dating and no one knows!

The story could focus on how they got caught? Maybe a slip up during an argument? Or that reader looks so beautiful james just couldn’t help it? Or just plain old getting caught making out in the broom closet? 😅

Hey angel, thanks so much for the request! <3

Having been friends with James since your meeting him in your guys’ first year, you pride yourself on knowing all of his little habits, able to read him like a book. So when you were curled up on the sofa, himself sprawled out across the armchair beside you huffing and puffing away, it was more than obvious to you that something was up.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” you ask, turning your body as best you can to fully face him, brows creasing as you do so. He only hums inquisitively at this, refusing to look at you as he appears to find his own hands much more interesting, fidgeting away.

“Seriously, Jamie, what’s up?” At your further questioning, he lets out one big sigh as he swings his legs over from where they had been previously stretched out over the handles of the armchair, now sat how the design permitted. 

“Sirius said something to me today, got me thinking…” Realising that that was all he was willing to give you right now, you spin back around with your own huff, hugging one of the common room cushions to your chest. You know James was never too good with words, so a lot of the time you’d appreciate his choosing to stay quiet instead of stumbling over thoughts he could never fully get across.

“Hey, love?” you hum in response, eyes trained on the fire dancing before you. James’ presence always comforted you, and that paired with the warmth emanating before you made your eyes droop more than you’d like to admit. 

“Would you like to go to Hogsmead with me this weekend?”

“Oh, sure” you reply, letting a dopey smile overtake your face. “We can invite Frank and Alice, I’ve been meaning to get her back for coffee-”

“No, darling, I meant just us two?” The implication made you suck in a breath, head whipping round to study any change in his features.

“You mean like.. Like a date?” 

He smiles at you, a heartwarming grin that makes your stomach flip. You’re not too sure where this sudden taking to you has come from, you’d always thought you’d stay in the friend zone forever, doomed to an unrequited love from the most oblivious man you’ve ever known. Of course, your friends had tried to convince you otherwise. Mary would nudge you gently every time she caught James staring at you, to which you’d always brush her off one way or another, making up excuses so as to not get your hopes up. 

Who would’ve guessed that all this time, he was thinking the same about you?

You had both agreed to not tell anyone about your date until you had figured stuff out between the two of you, wanting to be secure in what the other was feeling before going public with anything. It seemed the most sensible thing to do.

But when the day of the date came, you found yourself frustrated at not being able to tell anyone. No one to help pick an outfit out, no one to help you with your hair, no one to talk to. As much as you hated it, you made a promise to James.

 There was a close call where he dragged you by your wrist into a dingy alleyway after having spotted Dorcas as she left a quaint bookshop, holding you against a wall with a finger pressed to his lip in a hush motion, hand placed on your hip to keep you still and steady, lest you run out and make yourselves known. To say the whole ordeal made your heart skip a beat would’ve been an understatement, and the sneaking around was absolutely riveting. 

So you found that what was even more frustrating, was not being able to tell anyone how good the date went. He had greeted you with a bouquet of flowers, charm placed on them to never wilt as well. He had been a gentleman the whole afternoon (he normally is anyway, but even more so this time). He had held every door open for you, even pulling out your chair for you, and paid for the whole ordeal. You felt so safe with him walking next to you, a certain pride overcoming you knowing that he liked you, and you liked him, and gosh he liked you. It was overwhelming and you longed for someone to share it with. But James had your word, and the last thing you wanted to do was mess things up with him. So, you kept your mouth shut, painful as it was.

The next few weeks consisted of you sneaking around everywhere, and although it started off as exciting, you were really starting to get tired of keeping such a daunting secret from your closest friends. There was a lot of sneaking out after curfew to have midnight picnics on the astronomy tower, consisting of snacks James had nabbed from the Great Hall during dinner. A lot of sneaking off with the promise of the bathroom on your lips to professors, instead meeting up just to get these little snippets of alone time with each other, before any of your friends could catch on, let alone someone like Minnie. 

You thought finally going on dates with James Potter would be a good thing, but you came to find that you hated it. Not the dates, they were always amazing. They always made you forget how much you disliked sneaking around, almost making it all worth it. He was amazing, and kind, and funny and gosh you liked him so very much, but the lack of sleep was starting to catch up to you, making you much more irritable than normal. 

Every time you’d sit gathered in the common room with all your friends and who you wished to be your boyfriend, all you’d want is to openly hold his hand, openly admire how good he looked in that one quidditch jumper, and oh wow, to openly kiss him. 

To be fair, he hadn’t even secretly kissed you yet. 

So when you heard Sirius talking to James in the Great Hall about a Hufflepuff girl cheering extra loud for him during their last quidditch match, always staring at him with heart eyes and blushing every time he looked her way, it got on your last nerve. 

“James, can I talk to you please?” you practically grit through your teeth, trying to keep your calm as best as you can. 

“Hold on a sec, you’ve been stealing him away so much lately, what, you guys fucking or something?” Sirius proclaimed, wiggling his eyebrows at the both of you infuriatingly. To say the least, the comment had struck a soft spot, and you wanted now more than ever for James to lift this silly rule, to be confident enough in your relationship to just admit his feelings for you, right there, in front of everybody.

It was too much to hope, as all he did was turn around and join in on the jesting, not even considering how it might make you feel.

“Gosh no, you know we’re just friends, Pads cmon, don’t be like that.” The words cut through you, hurting more than he realised. You didn’t even know what to do, but you weren’t making the decisions, your body was making them for you. You spun on your feet, tears welling up in your eyes, embarrassment overflowing through your veins like blood. You started to walk away, leaving behind you a stunned Sirius and a very regretful James.

In that moment, all conflicting feelings left him, overtaken by wanting (read: needing) to comfort you, any means necessary. He couldn’t stand to see you upset, especially by his own hand. 

When you heard him calling after you, getting up to catch up to you, you could only speed up, trying to get away from him as fast as possible.

“Honey, please, I didn’t mean it, you know I didn’t mean it-” 

It’s no surprise that he catches up to you, jogging in front of you to somewhat block your path, pleading with you to hear him out. When your stubbornness dismissed him, there was only one more thing that he could think to do that would get his point across. After all, actions do speak louder than words. 

He grabs ahold of your face with both hands, opening his mouth to say something, anything, before cutting himself off by planting his lips firmly to yours. 

James Potter really was never very good with words. So it’s a good thing that you could always understand him, words or not.

thank you so much for reading, i hope you enjoyed! i'm always open to constructive criticism and helpful feedback :) a like, comment or reblog goes so far💕

[bi-bard]

A Soul That's Born in Cold and Rain Knows Sunlight - Gar Logan [HBO's Titans]

Title: A Soul That's Born in Cold and Rain Knows Sunlight

Pairing: Gar Logan X Reader

Based On: Sunlight

Word Count: 1,623 words

Warning(s): mention of past trauma/medical experimentation

Summary: Living in the Caulder House didn't help (Y/n)'s view of the world. Cold and isolated, their view had refused to shift until they met Gar. It may have been accidental, but there was no denying how much Gar helped (Y/n) crawl out of the shadow.

Author's Note: Blame Shadow & Bone for the powers given to the reader.

WASTELAND, BABY! - HOZIER WRITING CHALLENGE MASTERLIST

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I never coped well with changes.

Not when my parents moved when I was little, not when I was sent away to see some strange "doctor" that I didn't know when I was a teenager, not when I suddenly found myself with powers that I couldn't understand or control, and definitely not when I was forced to stay in a house a bunch of strangers and the man that very much ruined my life.

After so much change, it was easier for me to disconnect. Why establish relationships when they would inevitably be ripped away from me?

The rest of the house left me alone.

To them, I was a moody teenager that would "adjust eventually".

I didn't. I hated it.

I was convinced that I always would.

And then, there was Gar.

The boy who I was almost convinced just had an IV of caffeine that he just pumped straight into his veins. He was excitable and curious and kind to the point that some part of me found it just as enraging as it was enduring.

Of all the people that he could latch onto, he seemed to choose me.

I don't know why. Even after all this time, I never figured it out and he would never answer me honestly when I asked.

I had seen his... trick on accident pretty soon after he moved in.

I largely ignored it like I had done with every other person in the house.

Until he showed up at my door.

"Hey," he waved awkwardly. "I noticed you run off after dinner, so I wanted to check on you."

It was crap and we both knew it. I always ran off after a meal. I had no interest in being part of the crowd longer than absolutely necessary. It was such a common occurrence that I was pretty sure someone started timing me.

"Can I..."

Gar pointed behind me.

I moved out of the way, deciding to get this over with because he would never give up if I didn't.

"Wow," he muttered as he walked into the room. "It's very... minimal."

"Decorations are a fire hazard," I replied. That's what the doc had told me when I first got here. "My powers are apparently too shaky to be trusted with a poster."

"What power is that," he asked. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, you saw what I could do. It's only fair that I see what you can do, right? Equal trade."

"I didn't mean to see your gift."

He shrugged. "You still did."

I took a deep breath before lifting my hand. I pressed my palms together before letting them open. A ball of light formed in my hands, truly looking like the equivalent of a small star. I wish I had been able to look at it with something other than disdain.

"Holy crap," Gar mumbled, staring at it.

I close my hands, snuffing out the light. "Is that all?"

"What was that?"

"The result of the doc's experiments."

"I kinda guessed that one," he replied. "What did he do?"

"I... I can't remember most of it. I was pretty sedated the whole time because I kept trying to fight him."

Gar shifted a bit, clearly a bit uncomfortable about the details around how I got here.

"He claimed that his experiments healed me and 'accidentally' made me more 'intensely in tune' to the universe," I put air quotes around 'accidentally' and 'intensely in tune' because I gave up seeing any purpose in the words that he said to me. "Now, I can... create sunlight... I guess that's what's happening."

"That's pretty cool."

"Said the green tiger," I muttered. "I don't want this. I never wanted any of this. If I could go back and stop him..."

I trailed off, closing my eyes.

Gar spoke up again, "You'd be dead."

I didn't respond to him. I didn't even look at him until I felt him awkwardly put his hand on mine.

"I... I know that you don't want to be here," he explained. "But I... I'm here if you want someone to talk to. Or hang out with. I have a pretty awesome set up in my room, so it'll keep you distracted if you need that and-"

He paused his rambling for a moment.

"I'll let you have some time alone," he concluded.

"Thanks," I replied.

He stood up and walked to the doorway. I laid down, pulling my blanket up over my shoulders.

"I mean it," he spoke. "I'm gonna make you happy here... at least a little."

"Yeah, good luck, Gar," I rolled over, hiding myself as best I could.

I should have never doubted his determination and stubbornness. That was my mistake.

That next morning, I woke up to Gar nervously tapping my shoulder in the hopes of not upsetting me too much.

He dragged me to the dining room. He stood there with a proud smile on his face while I looked at the table. He had managed to make breakfast for us without getting into any trouble. I couldn't help but grin. He had been so excited about the whole thing.

That was only one of the times that Gar dedicated to trying to make me happier.

He started spending more and more time with me in the Caulder house. He would invite me to sit in his room while he played video games. I'd watch quietly as he told me about the story and how the game worked and the voice actors. Anything he could think of.

If he wasn't giving me a lecture on the history of gaming, then we were just talking. Gar wasn't subtle when he tried to out details from my past. Even then, I found myself telling him more and more over time. He knew more about me than anyone else did. It was a weird feeling, but I kind of liked it.

As time went on, Gar started pushing me to take more and more risks. He had managed to talk me into sneaking out of the Caulder House. We had gone to get him a new video game a few times, gone to the arcade that he was obsessed with, and sometimes we just ran for the sake of it. We'd go hide in the trees and try to take in some fresh air.

I had never felt so at peace with someone before. I found myself looking at Gar and smiling, even though I had no reason to. Everyone in the house saw it... and enjoyed making jokes about it.

I was scared that when Rachel stumbled into our lives, Gar was going to leave me on my own. I didn't want to go back to what I had known before him. He shocked me by begging them to let me join them, promising that I would be a great addition to whatever team they were forming.

I joined as soon as I could.

Gar's pattern of trying to make me happier didn't stop when we left the house. He was still comforting me and talking to me. He encouraged me when I had to show the rest of them my power. He promised me that everything would be okay.

To put it simply, he did everything in his power to keep from letting the progress of his work from going backward.

He kept doing that... up until our confrontation with Trigon. Well, the first one.

That had been when I first kissed him.

I had just snapped out of whatever Trigon's spell was. I saw him in the grass and all I could do was run to him and hug him. The darkness had crept into my bones and had been trying to make a home there. It made me feel nauseous, knowing that I could so easily be dragged into that.

I had leaned back and cupped the sides of his face. I had no interest in ever losing that sunshine that I had been lucky enough to have been given.

I kissed him out of instinct.

He stared at me with wide eyes.

"Sorry," I muttered.

He shook his head. "Don't be."

I smiled at him.

Then, the next big change in my life happened.

We all moved into the Titan Tower.

I expected to be scared and angry. But I wasn't.

Instead, as I stood in the middle of that room, I found myself completely at peace. Like this was the right move for me. Like I was finally ready to put a few posters on the walls.

I took a deep breath, letting the environment of the room wash over me.

"(Y/n)."

I looked at Gar, who was now standing in my doorway. We didn't share a room because everything was new and we were young. He must've been trying to get my attention for a little while. His eyebrows were furrowed, and that worried frown was on his face.

"Are you alright," he asked.

I felt a grin spread across my face. "Yeah. I'm alright."

He walked over. "I know that change isn't your favorite-"

"I'm fine," I grabbed his hand. "Really. I... This change isn't as difficult as others have been. It's easier with you."

He smirked a bit and raised an eyebrow at me. "Is that right-"

"Shut up," I mumbled.

There was a brief moment before I moved forward and hugged him tightly. I relaxed a little bit more as he hugged me back.

I can't say what my life would have been if I had never met Gar. And I never wanted to picture that.

I was just grateful that I had him at all.

Nothing beyond that would ever matter to me.

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Author's Note: Can you tell that I really missed him these last two episodes?

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[terraliensvent]

Do u think terraliens would have been a good species if they actually stopped fucking around and listened to the suggestions and shit

oh absolutely

for a little context, i used to be really into deviantart cringe stuff on yt back in the day, and something i got from that is even if someone is rude or dookies all over ur work, there are two things to do

1. take it with a grain of salt, they will never know you and you will never know them, if it bothers u too much then go outside

2. take it as an excuse to improve. someone saying “this thing is bad” can hurt, but also it can be a motivator to yourself to make it better

thats why i think drama blogs can be helpful in some sort of way, if other people can see what the deep issues are and explicitly say it and give critique, and you just throw it away because of where the info came from, then im sorry but i dont really think you want to improve

now granted they dont have to look at drama blogs and thats fair, thats just a lot of my own opinion

BUT

when you open up suggestion threads and when people suggest the same things over and over directly to you and you either deny it or ignore it because “too much work!” then i think youre lazy.

using the “draw the terra above” suggestion thats been given several times, people in the threads have given various examples of the concept working perfectly in other servers, howltars has over 2k members and their “draw howl above” channel seems to work perfectly fine. when given evidence that new things CAN work and things that members want CAN be implemented, mods shut it down and say its too much work and we dont have the staff! (despite how every time someone says to hire more we’re apparently bursting at the seams with mods)

i think thats why theres so much resentment built up, they kinda refuse to listen to anyone who isnt in their little clique and they never show any progress on anything besides more trait restrictions and adopts. (a reminder that the species still does not have a.) trait sheets and b.) actual written lore, and its been over 9 months since release. i can make an infant human in the time it takes terralien mods to make a trait sheet but sure what we need is more useless forageables)

also i hate how they always kill a suggestion thread by saying “things are getting a little heated” when someone says anything even slightly negative. we get it guys nobody is allowed to say anything that isnt absolute brown nosing, its such a convenient way for them to say “were actually never going to do this now because one person was being a meanie :(“

i joined terras pretty close to release, so ive seen them use every excuse under the sun to not really make any changes. it sucks because the base concept is pretty interesting and when i wanted to leave and find a new species nothing really had the same kick. bad moderation is and always has been the main downfall of this species

[bunnypopgal]

Morality Bites

Since my last post ive been having to deal with of course more flashbacks with panic attacks that last longer than i think should be possible in humans. Most of the flashbacks are from back when i was in high school. i had to deal with a lot of homophobia and just a lot of overall bullying from my dear classmates.

Like when i would ask one of my nice classmates to tell me more about his old tech collection my other classmates ran around telling each other that i was bullying him and calling him names. Every time he would stand up to them when they tried to "comfort" him (they just wanted to talk shit about me to anyone). That was super out of his comfort zone and im still very grateful for both him telling me what was going on and him standing up for honestly the both of us. This kinda thing would happen a lot and i mean a lot. So much so that even the super quiet kids in school began to openly insult me about things i would never do. Then i would go home and get treated the same by my biological mother. I hate being "back" in that place in my life. No matter how much i would stand up for myself everything would be twisted against me over and over again so much that people would often just assume most if not all those things about me had to be the real truth. To be fair i think it didnt help i never explained my morals set fully. i never thought to at the time and now im not sure if it wouldve even changed anything at all. Everything i believe in my moral set is pretty understandable but im not sure how it looks to others looking back. my moral set is mine tho. i never would force ANYONE to adhere to it just because they dont live the same way but i would tell them i disapprove, why and that if we dont see eye to eye on this THATS FINE(depending) BUUUT that also meanings i would rather not be close/friends anymore and just be more polite acquaintances(now that im adult i can tell people to fuck off nowadays! yahoo!!)

heres the large bulk of my moral set:

i am against discrimination based on sexuality, gender, ethnicity, heritage, and non-hateful religious followers. 

i am against child abuse, child neglect, DV, SA and theres NO excuse for any of it. Monsters who do these acts are monsters and theres no going back from that.

i am against cruelty, excessive) selfishness + selflessness(these things must be in a good balance), bullying, cheating, lying (unless its a life or death situation), people refusing self-improvement/growth, being disingenuous/fake.

Kindness is a gift. Be kind, be understanding but be rational because there will always be people who want to abuse others' kindness.Its a gift you have to give to YOURSELF first so that you will also have enough to be able to share with others. Being kind includes setting appropriate boundaries, being assertive and clear, letting yourself BE HUMAN.

If you see a chance to help someone no matter how small it may seem at first it DOES matter. 

When you make a mistake you do your best to right your wrong because youre yourself during your best and your worst times so make sure you can be proud of yourself even in the worst times. Mistakes are opportunities to grow and learn- take them!!! 

Life is short but also long- keeping/finding good mental health is a must, being able to be yourself is a must- never live a lie, you want something you work for it- passion is a wonderful tool, surround yourself with like-minded people but don't be afraid to be open to others- you may learn something new!

im only 23 rn but i feel ive learned a lot in my lifetime and im also know i have so much more ahead of me. i know some of these maybe hard for other people and it may feel lonely at times but for me thats okie. i dont preach or force these things on other people, mind you. i believe if someone truly wants to change, grow into living with this kinda moral set and sticking to it they need to find their reasons themselves. we're all on our own journeys.

Anyways most of my life i have found everyone around me has often just expected the worst of me in every situation and treated me as if i am evil in human form no matter what was proven. i dont live to make others like me so i do my best to stand up for myself but if they dont believe me or not care enough to think of me even neutrally now- thats fine with me. i just dont want to be treated poorly. i will never understand excessive cruelty that has been done to me. i dont know what they tell themselves at night to justify it all. it makes me feel scared since i feel like if any of them got the chance to be cruel to me once again none of them would flinch to do so. i understand i maybe cringe and annoying but i like myself, who i am and who i am always working on growing to be. im not gonna change for people who dont care about me as even a fellow human. i just wish and hope they ever hear or see my name or face anywhere its because my comic im currently working on made it big!

Before i close this post off i would like to say i understand my demeanour and overall hopefulness maybe seen like just plain ol' naivety and ill be honest maybe it is but i am passionate and i am determined to never give up, to use this life for all its got and do my part to make the world even just a little kinder. If that makes me seem stupid to you then i wonder what does "stupid" even mean to you.

"There's a difference only you can make." - Barbie in The 12 Dancing Princesses

[laverrez]

it's so interesting to look back at the past few years and how drastically ive changed. at the beginning of covid, i was in college and heavily under the grip of my alt-right qanon family. i was openly trans and queer at school, but my opinions on politics and gun control and the upcoming election and covid and police- they were all bad, terrible reflections of how incredibly carefully they cultivated my experience of media and discouraged any exploration i might have wanted to do. i couldnt for the life of me understand why i was having an impossible time connecting and socialising with other queers attending my college, while wearing one of those stupid copaganda blue stripe flag masks, not to mention the fact i'd take it off the moment i stepped outside regardless of proximity to others.

i was so ridiculously blind to how awful that was. my mindset was twisted to think masks were horrible dangerous things because my mother refused to wear one and wouldnt let me, either- i thought it made sense to avoid covering my face because it stunted my breathing, which is already difficult because of asthma. i thought the stupid pro-cop things were fine because my mom had been a cop, and when i was a small pale blonde southern baptist child, i had experiences where cops were directly beneficial in making sure i was safe, or so it seemed. i thought four more years of trump couldnt be too bad when the alternative was a bad that was unknown. i thought everyone (without a history of violence or unstable mental conditions) should have a gun for their own protection, and that violent protests were harmful to their causes.

all of those past beliefs make me want to cringe backwards because they're so horrendously bad and hollow even in their 'defenses' that i always held ready. i dont truly blame myself for them, because it was beyond unsafe for me to have any other opinions in the boondocks of the appalachian mountains. especially at home, when my family was abusive and any extra reason to make them question me couldve spelled any number of harm.

my intention isnt to defend myself for being pickme. i can acknowledge there were ways to be silently educated and not spread harm and misinformation, or bolster a lot of the idiots that i did in their own harmful beliefs. i shouldve been, but i have an incredible toughness at keeping my mouth shut when i form strong values, and that's exactly what's happened as ive become more educated. im not tolerant of the hate and the stupidity anymore, and existing in that state while at home wouldve been dangerous, so i chose my priorities while having a vague awareness that i was doing something wrong without fully knowing why.

i regret that, genuinely. hindsight tells me i only hurt myself further by being cowardly, and that i caused harm to my community, too. it's incredibly liberating now, as an adult, to be able to stay educated (as i possibly can, without further blowing my mental health to shreds). to be able to be vocal about how wrong i was, and how wrong so many things are right now. to be able to feel indignant and angry at everything that's happening to people all across the states, across a country i was always told to be proud of and used to want to defend, but now cannot see a single thing good enough to balance even a sliver of all the bad. to be able to do good where i can to try to fix what harm i caused. to just do good for the sake of helping people that are hurt by this horrible government that's stomping on us.

i have come a long way, but i still have a long way to go. some of the progress is new, very new- but im doing my best to educate myself on the fact that ALL cops *ARE* bad, regardless, that the only reason anyone would need a gun for safety in the first place is because our country is so unbelievably unsafe for anyone who isnt an allocishet white man, and that violent protests are the only way to get anything done and have historically been what leads to positive change. im finding myself more and more passionate about these things all the time, and im so glad that im able to watch the people around me and learn from them. im thankful for the people who have been patient with me. i look forward for all the progress im to make in the future.

[thoughts-and-all-that]

my brother is such an entitled manbaby.

he constantly talks over everyone in any interaction and has to be right about everything because god forbid he be anything but an alpha.

i am literally afab and queer and this man has, on multiple occasions, tried to mansplain feminism and queer issues to me. i have dedicated many hours, days, weeks, months, years of my life to not only studying these two things but participating in that kind of life. im a feminist. im literally queer. i change my actions and wording to best fit because i know how important words can be. he talks just to talk.

ive barely seen him in months because hes always with his drama loving girlfriend, i mean, she literally defended the kardashians when i said they were garbage. she loves reality tv. she cant help but fight with another person whos usually in this house which is its own can of dumbass worms. shes nice to me but i barely know anything about her and i fear if i learn more ill probably hate her. i dont care that hes spending all that time with her, if it makes him happy, whatever. its just weird that ive basically said all of less than 100 words to him in months.

but honestly, even if we did hang out again, itll be the same song and dance as before. we only play what he plays. its only when he wants to cause god forbid he stop what hes doing for anyone else.

he says 'oh just come and hang out whenever!' but if i go down there he will just ignore me for his games and shit. god forbid he sacrifice a little of himself for me. ive been wanting to play the last chapter of a game with someone for months and hes the only person who ever played it with me and it takes ages in singleplayer. in another game he wont dare help me with a mission ive been needing done that i cant do on my own, cause it doesnt benefit him.

i dont think he even knows how to make more than a few dishes and he basically refuses to learn more, and i think ill probably see him dead before he dares make something that isnt ramen at home. he either eats out or insists our dad makes food and he throws a hissy fit if our dad doesnt make food or get food out.

man speaking of hissy fits, this man gets beyond pissed at every inconvenience. this is why hes a manbaby most of all. yelling, screaming, punching inanimate objects. he doesnt hurt other people directly but it ruins a mood pretty quick when someone throws a yelling tantrum over a game not working for 0.2 seconds.

he thinks the world revolves around him and refuses to entertain that maybe it doesnt. granted, our parents spoiled him when he was young, but i cant blame them. they went through something horrible around that time and simply didnt want him to suffer even though they were, and he still was cause it affected him too, but they didnt want that to ruin him. they were just trying their hardest to make sure he was happy.

its on him that hes an overgrown 12 year old. its on him that he doesnt dare take a look at himself and wonder if maybe he should tweak his personality just a little.

i say all of this over a seemingly petty recent happening, honestly.

i am miserable in my house. its a disgusting mess constantly and im always the one cleaning the worst parts aside from my dad and sometimes my other brother, though my other brother usually has to clean up after his kids, which is another point of frustration. i love those kids but its infuriating to deal with people who dont, and in this case, cant listen to you. theyre so young that english is mostly just sounds to them, theyre only just starting to learn how to speak. they cry over stupid shit, take off their diapers at every chance, and tear shit up. theyre the cause of most messes that arent in the kitchen, and even in the kitchen. outside of that stuff we are broke because of bullshit outside of our control, and i cant drive and dont have a job because im terrified that ill crash a car because its so overwhelming, or that getting a job will make me feel a way that i dont want to feel if i can help it, and i dont have any fucking real life friends, and barely any online ones anymore

all that to mean, i get no peace in my life. at every turn i run into something that makes me want to cry my eyes out and run away but theres no where i can run to. i hold tightly onto the smallest things that bring me relief, like my art, or the things i like to consume like shows and books and youtube videos about who knows what, and just. things i can control even a little. my room is the cleanest in the house in pretty much every aspect and i keep it that way with an iron fist.

and, to be gross, its nice to sit on the toilet and stare at my phone in the morning for a few minutes in a usually warm room that has very little going on (the most happening is trash on the floor.) and no ones gonna barge in and make me do who knows what instead of what i want. i know i sit in there a bit long but i mean, we literally have 2 bathrooms in this house, idc that you dont want to go into my dads room in the morning, just look the other way from him! hes asleep hes not gonna care!

and this guy who i have seen and talked to so few times in months, who i honestly at this point have wished would move out of this house for years for so many reasons, who made both times we went to six flags so obnoxious, one of them because he brought a fucking 2 year old to an amusement park in mid winter i mean seriously what the fuck did you think would happen,

he fucking tried to tell me how to use the bathroom? 'oh, stop being in there so long youre making people wait when they shouldnt have to' first off, theres two bathrooms, second off, i aint ever heard yalls asses fucking knock on that door to even tell me that someone was fucking waiting, and third off

shut the fuck up!!!!!!!!! im so tired of your entitled spoiled brat wannabe hillbilly ex military wannabe alpha ass. just shut up and move out already, jesus fucking christ.

asshole making me insecure about using the fucking toilet in my own home. ill fucking shit on your bed see how you feel about that.

theres an advantage to no one reading these posts on this blog that no one looks at. i really can say the stupidest shit.

plus, my family will never find this blog. none of them use tumblr, they would never look at the tags i use on this blog, and even if they saw this blog theyd never click on it. no one clicks on it, its a vent blog.

fuck you, brother. im sick of sacrificing myself for people who wouldnt fucking do the same for me. i got this mad over a petty thing but honestly it really is about the bigger picture. the picture paints someone id never associate with if i wasnt stuck with you by blood and household.

ill probably feel different later. i get so easily swayed by talking to people even though when im alone i always come to the same conclusion.

im fucking miserable here.

[t4tails]

ive gone on before about how sega hates women in a very specific way. I feel like a lot of unused characters people keep asking for back is women, and sega refuses to deliver. the most they get is into sonic speed battle if even that.

ive noticed a pattern in these women, think about sally, sticks, shade, tikal, cream, marine, etc. (all of which they have full rights too. sega has rights to shade. at least from what I've seen and heard) (also im counting cream bc she hasn't been in a game in 10 years, despite being part of the main character line in X when shadow wasn't)

The female characters i consider used are Amy and Rouge, lesser so Blaze and Zeena

The first visual thing I noticed that's different is that none of these characters are pink or purple. The characters used have this, even if Zeena is primarily green she still had to have pink on her.

Next is the unused characters don't dress the most stereotypically feminine, cream and tikal are the most.

But the thing i noticed most about the unuseds is that most don't act stereotypically feminine.

Since she's my blorbo ill use marine as an example. She's oranges and greens. Her character starts as just an annoying little girl until you learn more about her and understand her more. She wants to be a captain, is hot-headed and easily distracted, but surprisingly clever in the heat of the moment. She's introduced as Blaze's Tails and hasn't been used in 15 years. None of her aspects are stereotypically feminine, if she was a boy, her personality wouldn't change.

The only thing feminine about Sally is the fact she's a princess (and you cant have bunnie without sally so even tho she'd fit in what they have she's also been kicked). Sticks is so feral I don't think she knows what gender is and Dark Brotherhood doesn't even make a big deal that the fact that their leading warrior is a woman, they were focused much more on the fact that she's an echidna.

Tikal and Cream are the most used of the unused, and I always saw this as that they are the most feminine. Tikal is the helpful dead girl princess who belives in peace and love. Cream is a little sister character, who is nice to everyone has tea parties and makes flower crowns.

The used ones, are girlish however. Amy is clingy and hot-headed and previously seen as possessive, she's been seen enjoying many feminine activities. Rouge, although not sexualized by the camera, is obsessed with jewels and shiny things as well as speaking in a stereotypically feminine femme-fatale fastion. i didnt mean for that f thing. Blaze is the least femanine of the four however has the more modern steryotype of the closed off badass who is more open and sweet and kind when gotten close too, maybe even a love intrest which was hinted at in the beginning, also her deisgn makes up for that lack where she is very femanine. Zeena is the girl one of her group. she worries about her nails and looks and shit, the most femanine of the four.

Having a femanine character isn't bad. i fucking love rouge and blaze, it's just on it's own, give me a minute.

I'm going to go into the difference between Sonic Lost World's women and Sonic Boom (show)'s Women.

Sonic Lost world TECHNICALLY has multiple women However Amy is in like... 2 cutscenes. The most prominent one is Zeena, who is the only woman in the deadly six. This could have been fine if done right but it wasn't. Part of me wondered why she was so much better in the IDW comics, and part of it is writing and not being the butt of a joke for being a girltm, but also, she's with other women. She's pitted against Cream, one of the more used unused, and it's fucking excellent, their scene together is the best deadly six scene ever.

This is what my sister calls "the b99 effect" Rosa doesn't represent all hispanic women if you have another hispainic woman who acts completely differently. captain holt doesn't represent all black men if you have another black man who acts completely differently. Gina doesn't represent all women if there are a whole crew of other women, you get the picture.

This effect was very well used in Sonic Boom. Amy, is a stereotypical girl character and we know this. However, Sticks is not at all. They have a whole episode about this when it's just the two of them it's great. Sticks acts like the rest of the boys, reckless and messy. It's a perfect dynamic because when Amy acts the way she does it's clear she acts like that because she's Amy, not because she's a woman. Amy has multiple moments where she's separated from the rest and it's because she's being Amy. When Sticks is separated it's because she's paranoid, not because she's a girl. Even the boys have their separation moments. Because of writing and this effect, Boom Amy is probably my favorite Amy I've seen outside of IDW.

If Zeena had been less stereotypical it might have been better, but being the only girl on the deadly six automatically made her "the girl one." if there was another girl or they just made another one of them a woman and not changed anything Zeena would have been infinitely better, which is why she was amazing in the scene with cream.

Sega, in their love for only using feminine girls, never sees this. Despite the fandom being in love with Tangle and Whisper who have no pink or purple and don't have feminine personalities, unless you count Tangle looking stereotypically lesbian (she has the same hair as my lesbian sister legit) They keep asking for Sally, they keep asking for Sticks (especially since she was in an olympic games game and has been the only non-mainline character in sonic channel art) they keep asking for cream to be in the GODDAMN GAMES and they don't

only reason i can think of? sega hates women.

this ask was way too long but enjoy.

holy shit i dont have much to add this it is all so so true. the only thing i really disagree with is re boom amy because i have problems with her personality in that show being made into the Most Responsible one when i already have a dislike for sitcoms using girls as straight men (not common nowadays but old shit like mash, and early seinfeld and iasip) but thats just a personal gripe on where id prefer her character to go; she is written the most consistently in years in it and youre right she plays GREAT off sticks. this is all really interesting like i didnt make the femininity and pink/purple connections myself so its very eye opening. loved reading this

[katzeschreibt]

Feelings are Complicated (genshin men x gn!reader)

You were so sure about your feelings towards Xiao and Tartaglia, but once you both began dating, you began to question yourself.

comfort to angst because im a sadist, reader thinks that xiao likes traveller (lumine), Tartaglia is referred to as Ajax for a lil bit, not beta read, i think thats all of the warnings??

Hi guys, hope you enjoy!! Just letting you know that this was a bit rushed since my phone is about to die, but i hope thats okay! Anyways, dont forget that requests are open! Bye bye!! Also sorry for not posting in a while!!

Xiao

Youve been hiding behind a baracade of feelings towards that reserved adeptus; he was strong, caring (well, youd like to think that he is), undoubtably handsome, and mysterious. Hes saved you a few times, which is one of the many reasons why he gained your love.

But, as much as you may hide your feelings, a part of you cant help but wince and wilt every time that "Traveller" interacts with him.

That traveller was kind though, she tried her best to help everyone the best way she could. All she asked for in return was for someone to help her find her brother— you felt bad for her. After all this time, she still couldnt find the one thing she wanted after helping others obtain theirs. Youve reached out to her a few times, notifying her every time you saw someone with the same description as the boy she had described as her brother.

Over all, she was such a pure soul. But you hated how that purity made Xiao seem interested in her.

You watched from behind, scowling at the interaction the two had. It seemed as though they were speaking about a recent mission they had gone on together, and you were, of course, jealous. Not openly, you watched them with a straight face. Yet on the inside, you were raging at the two speaking to each other.

"I'll see you around, then." The traveller spoke, waving goodbye to the adeptus as she turned her back and left. You stood upright behind Xiao, holding a plate of one of the few dishes Xiao barely tolerated. You knew he must be tired of the Almond Tofu that people fed him, so you wanted to give him a change. You slowly walked up to him, tapping him on the shoulder which caused him to tense up.

He swiftly turned around with furrowed eyebrows, yet upon seeing you, his face only slightly softened. "What? Is there something of urgency you require from me?" He asked, his voice hoarse. You could only hold out the dish with a small smile, as if you were holding out a peace offering.

"I made this for you. I cant imagine how exausted you must be, and i thought maybe a change in dishes might be nice." You explained as he took the plate from your hands. He stared at it for a few seconds, examining the food before picking up the fork on the side of the plate and taking a small bit of it. It was weird, you didn’t expect him to trust you with food that easily.

"This dish is... endurable." He said after finishing chewing, looking back at you. "Why did you make this for me?"

"...Well, you know..." You shrugged. "Ever since you saved me, recently, I wanted to thank you. Ive always wanted to get closer to you, in a way, and I thought the best place to start would be by offering this to you." You said, refusing to make eye contact with the man in front of you. He stared at you before huffing, facing away from you.

"I appreciate this." He said, still holding the plate. "Not many people have the confidence to approach me like you do."

You smiled and nodded. "Im grateful to have the oppritunity to speak to you." It was silent for a moment, you didnt know whether or not to continue a conversation or just to leave, so you chose the latter. "I'll take my leave now."

And with that, you left.

~~~~~~

So, after that event, you had been visiting Xiao more often, now learning that he had begun tolerating you. Its been a few years since then, and to your surprise, he started getting more comfortable around you as well.

And now you were sure of your romantic feelings you held for the yaksha, the more time you spent with him the more the feelings grew. You werent sure about him though, rather reserved he was, you were sure he would reject you in an instant.

But its best to just endure the pain of rejection, right?

It was a normal day, rather cloudy but it was warm nonetheless. You were standing in front of Xiao on the balcony of the Wangshu Inn after calling him (now accidentally finding out that calling him would make him teleport to you), a slight breeze in the wind. You stared down at the floor as Xiao watched you with confusion.

"Well? We dont have all day." He said, prompting you to speak. Today would be the day, you said to yourself, that you would finally let the man in front of you know about your feelings towards him. "Is there a certain meal you would like to give me?"

"No no, nothing of the sorts." You said, finally looking up at him. His arms were crossed as he tapped his foot in impatience. "I actually wanted to tell you something."

His eyebrows raised slightly, making you continue. "Ive been— We've been well-aquainted with each other for a long time now id say. Would you agree?"

"I agree. I know a lot about you as of now." He said.

"Yes, same goes for you. I know some things about you that you wouldnt have told me if we were... not as familiar with each other. Im glad you trust me." You said, looking back down at the ground. "But... theres things that I want to know about you that nobody else knows. I want to learn more about you, Xiao, and— I just... I think telling you how I feel would make you understand."

He only stared at you in silence, taking in what you said. However, once he finally analyzed the words that came out of his mouth, a silent yet audible gasp came out of his own mouth.

"Ex-cuse me—?!" He exclaimed, his arms flying down to his sides. "Are you implying—"

"Please just tell me if you feel the same way." You said quietly, you had a feeling that he would react badly to your confession. However, his tense body began to relax as he took a deep breath.

"...I understand what you mean. I would rather not disclose such personal information with others, yet... for some reason, I cannot help but feel the need to tell you about such private things." He said, quieting down at the last part. "I would really like to... tell you about them."

"So— do you understand what im saying?" You asked, eyebrows furrowing. He hummed before looking at you straight in the eyes.

"I believe so. And it pains my pride to say this, but, I would also like to believe that the feelings are mutual."

And so with that, you both began dating.

At first, you could only describe the feeling as, well, amazing. Youve been teased for being single for so long, but now that you have a boyfriend— now that youre dating the "vigilant yaksha", you couldnt help but tease your friends for being in such bland relationships.

However, as time slowly went on, and as duties began getting more and more important, you could start to feel something inside you just— vanish. Not instantly, but slowly, slowly it went, you didnt know what it was, but it felt different. Specifically something about Xiao. Not his physical appearance, but... you couldnt put your finger on it.

When he would greet you, whether it be with a kiss on the hand or just a simple wave, something inside you felt different. As if Xiao was suddenly just a stranger to you. You began feeling more hesitant to return those romantic feelings you felt for him all that time ago. You began feeling uncomfortable with the way he spoke to you so differently than he did with common passerby's. And you began to feel sorry that you restricted the communication between Xiao and the Traveller. You had told Xiao that you were uncomfortable with how oddly eager he was to speak to the girl, so he stopped. But now it didnt feel right.

You sat on your bed, hands clenching the sheets below you. Your legs kicked back and forth as thoughts about your current relationship swam around in your head like a floatie in water. Your eyes were glued to the wooden floor— if they didnt know what you were thinking about, people wouldve just thought you were in deep concentration.

"Y/n." Xiao said, snapping you out of your thoughts. He stood by the door to your bedroom. "Are you alright?" You nodded as he made his way towards you.

"Yeah, just... you know, thinkin' about stuff." You shrugged as he sat down beside you, the mattress sinking as his weight was placed ontop of it.

"I see. You've been acting different. I cannot understand how, but something about you has been ticking me off, in a way." He said, his voice sounded as if he were angry. You looked at him and frowned.

"Im sorry, ive been gathered in my thoughts lately." He only huffed in response.

"Its whatever. I just, wanted to know if there was something wrong." He said, turning towards you. "Is there?"

"No, no! Everything is okay." You smiled, your hands coming up to your chest in defense. "Please dont worry about me. Are you okay?"

"Well of course i am." He said, his eyebrow raising. "If thats all, though, I'll take my leave."

Xiao then leaned in to hug you, his arms wrapping tightly around your torso. Yet, as you hugged back, that missing component came back again. Something about him— about the hug, about your relationship, was missing.

It was the warmth you had felt for him.

Tartaglia

He tried to please you as much as he could. He tried and tried, and he often succeeded. Giving you affection, buying you the finest accesories he could manage to afford— he was a giver.

And you loved it about him. Thats not the only thing you loved about him, of course, but it wad one of the many things. How generous he was, how thoughtful and kind. How much he cared for his family, for you. He always managed to make you feel like you were the only ones in the world, with how much spoil he gave you.

Even though his position as a harbinger made you rather upset, you knew it was against his choice. You were able to see the Ajax underneath the "Childe" and "Tartaglia" people normally saw, which helped you understand that he really wasnt a bad guy.

You loved him, a lot. Thats why you confessed of course— he did all of these kind things for you, and you fell for him. And luckily, the feelings were mutual.

Yet, for some odd reason, something had been bothering you recently. Ajax hadnt changed really, only the patterns of when he leaves the house and when he comes back. But even then its not very different— you know he isnt cheating on you due to how devoted he is to his family, you included— so why is that pit of emptyness lying where the love is supposed to be?

~~~~~~

You lay flat on your back, staring at the ceiling as you laid on your and Ajax's shared bed. He was asleep, recently coming home from Fatui duties that you had no interest in. Something was bothering you, making you unable to sleep tonight. Your eyes were wide open as they glared holes into the ceiling of the bedroom, thoughts you had were unable to be remembered.

You shifted your leg upwards, the blanket lifting along with it. As you did so, the covers optop of Ajax moved as well, causing a slight stirr in his sleep, he was always such a light sleeper. Your head slowly faced the male next to you, his peaceful resting face made you slightly smile. He had always been so kind, ignoring the side of him that, for some odd reason, likes the thrill of fighting. Despite that, whenever he came home, he always made sure to hug you, ask about your day, shower, eat, and go to bed with you.

Maybe that was the problem? You were tired of your guys' routine? It made since— you both had been dating for a long time now, no wonder why youve been so bored. You just needed to switch things up a bit.

Your body fully faced Ajax now, the blankets shifting with you again, causing him to move once more, his eyes slowly blinking open.

"...Y/n? Youre moving so much..." He said, voice raspy and sleepy. You lightly chuckled and shook your head.

"Cant sleep, im sorry. Would you perfer if i moved around on the couch instead?" Ajax breathily laughed in response, finding your shoulders and pulling you close to him.

"I never said it was a problem, now did I? I might even say that I happen to enjoy when you shift around in bed." He said, a small smile on his face. You hugged his torso as he once again pulled the covers over the both of you. "However, usually you dont move around at night this much. Is something bothering you?"

"Oh, no. I think theres just too many thoughts going around in my head. I cant seem to focus on sleeping." You said, cuddling more into his chest. He hummed, his hand resting on your back.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Mm, nah. You have to get up early tomorrow, you should just go back to bed."

A moment of silence passed until you heard a silent scoff from Ajax.

"Fine, i think i will, then."

After that conversation ended, you noticed that the emptiness that was once there was filled again. Maybe it was just because you needed a bit more closeness to Ajax? That could be it. That had to be it.

The next morning, you woke up to your head still ontop of Tartaglia's chest, his embrace still tight around you. He could feel you squirm around as you tried to leave, causing him to wake up.

"Did i wake you up? Sorry," You muttered, still moving around. Tartaglia chuckled and let you go, you took a large breath of relief. It felt like you had been trapped in his hug for hours.

"You did, but i forgive you." He smiled, gazing into your eyes. You pursed your lips and sat up, looking around the room.

It was there again, that feeling of emptiness. Like there was a missing component— still, you couldnt tell what.

"Are you alright? You look like youre staring into the abyss or something." The male beside you asked, putting his hand on your shoulder. "Is something wrong?"

"No, not at all." You said, gently taking his hand off your shoulder as you then sat silently on e again. You were focused on trying to figure out what made you feel so... different.

"Hm, i doubt that but, alright? Anyways," He said, yawning and stretching before lifting himself out of bed. "While you... do that, im gonna go shower. 'Gotta go to Inazuma today." He said, his voice tinted with sadness. You frowned as he turned his back, but for some reason, it felt like you didnt mean it. That you didnt mean to frown.

"Aw, alright. Have fun," You said, staring at his back as it shrunk further into the distance. You squinted your eyes, staring straight into the hallway of your home. It wasnt a physical change, you know that much. So was it an emotional change?

You hadnt even realized how long you had sat glaring daggers into the hallway until a tap on your shoulder jolted you back into reality.

"Are you good?" Tartaglia asked, his eyebrow raised in confusion. "Stop staring at the hallway like it did something to you."

"Sorry... Its just— something feels off. Dont you feel it too?" You asked, looking up at the male next to you. He gazed back at you, staring straigbt into your eyes until his own suddenly widened.

"Oh my god— i think i know what you mean!" He said, an exaggerated gasp leaving his mouth. Your eyes widened with him.

"Really? What do you think the feeling is?"

"I think the feeling is—!" He said, cutting himself off as his face relaxed. "Youre delusional—!"

"Ajax, what the hell?!" You slapped his arm, your face in an angry expression. He only laughed, very loud as well, at your reaction.

"Im sorry— im sorry! No, i dont know what youre feeling. But we can talk about it if you want?" He said, sitting down next to you. You shrugged in response as you felt the weight of his body make the matress shift.

"Eh, i dont know how to explain it though." You sighed. It was silent for a moment, before Tartaglia let out a small "Hm" noise.

"Welp, dont know how to help ya' there." He smiled, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. "But i hope you figure it out."

"Thanks," You sighed, looking at him. He quickly leant in to leave you a kiss on your cheek before standing up to leave.

"No problem. I'll see you soon, alright? Take care, i love you." He announced, already in the middle of the hallway.

"..." You stayed silent. Something in your mind, in your body, was stopping you from saying those three words, "love you too". Why? Were yoy getting a sore throat? Did you lose your voice?

You touched the spot where he kissed on your cheek. It felt as if nothing were there. Of course, molecules from his mouth and germs stuck there but, it was something else. Feeling-wise, nothing was there. It that why? Is that why you felt so different lately?

Has your feelings for the harbinger gone away?

[koobunno]

Hi, I really loved the second part of you JK two-shot!! By any chance, will you add a drabble about the fam? Like when their baby girl's hospitalized or any scene like that...You can if you want but no pressure hehe,,

-- okay i'm astonished bc this is my first ask hehehe

this drabble is flooded with fluff and a bit of smut if u squint

thank u anon for the idea, had to re-read the drabble to understand,,i'm dumb hehe

“What the fuck!” you threw sharp glares at Jungkook who is caressing your child before he goes to shower, not that you hate lewd words but you both agreed to not curse in front of your daughter or anywhere she can hear. Returning to work on your case study for the conference the day after tomorrow, Jungkook then again disturbed you with so much panic in his voice, “Y/N!! She’s burning hot, what the heck!” Not even a second passed, you immediately turned your head to where they were, Jungkook carrying her while draping a palm simultaneously over her forehead, cheeks, and neck. “Keep her warm, Kook.” You reminded him and of course he obliged as the loving and caring father he is.

This isn’t the first time you’ve encountered situations like this, you see children experiencing things like this almost every day. But damn it, the pounding in your chest has never been this vigorous. As you aim for the first aid kit, taking out the thermometer, and went back to the bed where Jungkook and your more than a year old child are. You saw her wrapped in a swaddle blanket already, knowing that Jungkook specialized the skill even before she was born because of the classes you both took. Your husband changed into his sweatpants and a sweater with his car keys on hand. You propped the thermometer and for fuck’s sake, you never wanted to run this fast. A forty degree fever for a one year old is never something to be complacent for. You grabbed your phone, your pouch, and a coat, not even budging to change your pyjamas.

“You sit at the back babe, I forgot where I put the keys of the car where her car seat is.” Jungkook told you and it is evident that he is trying to be calm but is failing. He handed you your sleeping hot child as you nodded.

Hugging her while fishing for the phone in your pocket as you sit at the passenger seat and Jungkook buckling his seatbelt, he starts the engine while you type the hotlines of the hospital’s emergency center, notifying them that you’ll arrive any minute. You also called a driver and a househelp to prepare some necessities for your daughter and some for you and Jungkook. It has been long forgotten because of the panic earlier and they’re already in their headquarters by the time it happened.

Jungkook halted at the facade of the emergency center where some nurses and the doctor on duty were standing, anticipating your arrival. You went down the car as Jungkook handed the car keys to the valet chauffeur. The attendings performed the necessary tests on your daughter while you fill up the required forms for admission and such things, Jungkook standing at the back of the technicians, cooing his crying daughter by making funny faces.

--

“Mr. Jeon?” you heard a nurse calling for Jungkook as you opened your eyes from sleeping on your husband’s shoulder, devoid of sleep you didn’t relent on resting your head on Jungkook. You felt him putting his index finger against his lips, not knowing you’re awake already. “The admission process is done already, sir. May I know who is your preferred physician for Y/D/N?” The nurse politely asked and even before Jungkook opened his mouth to speak, “Me, put my name on it.” You said exasperatedly. Jungkook looked at you gently, “Are you sure, baby?” he asked. “Yes, bun. I can handle it.”

Jungkook is slightly worried since you have important errands and loads of work to do, he knows you can endorse this to your colleagues but he didn’t say anything even if he knows you’ll beat the shit out of you for your daughter, though he knows he will too.

--

After some papers, you arrived at the VIP ward of the hospital. Your daughter is still sleeping and your husband is preparing the things that your house helpers brought earlier. They also proposed to take charge of accompanying your child but you and Jungkook refused, being the paranoid parents you two are.

A resident doctor along with an intern knocked on the door of the room and bowed to you to show their respects. You can’t suppress the giggle when you saw the intern’s mouth slightly agape when Jungkook went out of the bathroom wiping his beautiful hands with tissue, you can’t blame her, really. “It’s Influenza, Doc.” The resident told you while handing you the results of the tests. You nodded and you felt your husband’s arms snaking your waist and the other on his while greeting the people in front.”Okay, check if we have stocks of Tamiflu from the pharm and also isotonic IV bags.” Jungkook, not relating to the terms you’re blabbing, went to your daughter’s bed because she woke up and threw her tantrums because of the tubes on her small chubby feet.

“What does my muffin want, hmm?” he sweetly talked to her and the baby’s expression changed in no second, being the daddy’s girl she is. After the doctors went out of the room you saw the two of them playing and watching on your baby girl’s iPad.

--

A day passed and you needed to attend a conference, you wanted to ditch it but you cannot because no one’s available to do proxy for you. With heavy feet, you approached Jungkook, who took a week of work leave and brought all his work to the hospital room. “Bun, are you sure you can handle being alone with her?” you asked him for the nth time, making him giggle. “Babe, yes, I can, you’ll be back before dinner time, right?” he replied while signing a mass of papers on the bed table where he sits and your daughter between his arms, nibbling on her frozen fruits. “Okay, okay. Call me every hour, no, every 30 minutes, understand?” you demanded as you leaned to kiss your daughter and your lips met your husband’s cheeks. “No kisses for the bub, momma.” he said while slightly laughing at you. “Mhmmm, I forgot.” you chuckled. “How about for her hot dad?” you teased him. You turned to him and saw his pointer finger on his luscious lips, you gave him a peck and left after.

Jungkook kept on his task of calling you every 30 minutes and it is the 4th call since you left. “Babe, I swear you should focus on that damn conference, she’s sleeping already.” Jungkook said as you keep your phone in your purse to politely hide it as you talk to your husband. “Okay, fine, Mr. Jeon.” you teasingly replied, knowing that the title gives him a ring in every possible way. “What the heck, babe?” he gasped scandalously and it made you laugh a bit. “I’ll be definitely asking for the keys of your office, woman.:” he added, knowing that the management will give it to him without a second thought. “So insufferable, eh?” you hitched “See you later, Mr. Jeon!” and before he could even reply you ended the call and prepared to make a speech for the conference while of course, anticipating the office scene later.

--

After three days, you’re now processing the discharge letters for your daughter. She had some light problems because some of her lab tests results came so low or some came too high. You were frustrated, yes. Jungkook noticed that because it is undeniably noticeable. You saw him taking a nap with all the bags packed beside him. You went to his sleeping figure and hugged him, he was awakened by the gesture but hugged you back. “Thank you, Jungkook.” you told him, teary eyed. “Hey why are you crying?” he said, alarmed, “Don’t tell me you’re pregnant again, babe.” you glared at him for his lousy joke. He tightened the hug and said, “Just kidding, thank you, Y/N, always remember I appreciate you.” He went to the bed where your daughter is sleeping and grabbed her. “We appreciate you okay? We’re grateful for you.” you nodded as you wiped the tears that escaped. Grabbed the bags and got ready to go home.

[tsunderedoctor]

Hey love I was wondering if you could write a head canons or a scenario for Ace, Sabo, Shanks and Benn when they discover their female s/o has self harm scars? Ive been struggling with depression for a few years,, but thankfully it has gotten somewhat bearable in recent times. Also, your writing gives me so much comfort🙈 ~ thanks a lot hun❤️

Heyo~! Thanks for the ask love! I am so happy to hear it has been more bearable for you! Please know, if you ever have a rough time again, people do love and care about you, you are most definitely wanted in this world!! 💕💕

I am going to TW tag this as mentions of self harm and depression just in case though, I don't want to ever risk someone getting triggered.

Portgas D. Ace

He knows what its like to hate yourself, he hated his own birth, the moment he learned who he was. However, when he met you, his heart felt more complete than before when he met Whitebeard and the others. He was more livelier than many of the crewmembers remembered seeing him as. 

The day he learnt of your self harm, changed him. He seemed more subdued than usual, a quiet emptiness surrounded his mind as he tried to understand your reasoning. He knew it was before you two met, at least he hoped it was, but still it hurt him so much to know you felt that way about yourself.

He doesn’t know much about mental health, other than his own, which he has to admit, it isn’t the best. He does try to help though, asking Marco for tips on what to do when someone is depressed or how to help someone who feels the need to hurt themselves (he always does his best to not mention your name in the questions, but Marco caught on quite quickly-).

He makes sure you always tell him when your down, even if he is sleeping, please tell him- he also eventually picks up on your low-level cues and also want helps you the best! He worked hard, so give him some praise once you feel better! 

“I love you, you give my life some actual meaning, so don’t leave me here alone in it.”

Sabo 

He’s an observant little stink! He picked up right away on how you still wore sleeves in summer islands or refused to swim with the others when you had free time. He never pushed it though, knowing you would tell him in your own time, but he wasn’t going to act surprised once you do. 

You had your own feeling he knew, his more gentle looks when you seemed down, his hand seeming to randomly rub your wrist in a reassuring gesture. You also weren’t surprised when you finally told him.

He always seemed to have the right thing to say to you, when you felt those uncontrollable rushes, he always seemed to know just how to comfort you, to wash away those anxieties. 

Will also help you make up better excuses when others ask questions about your outfit choices, from a skin condition to feeling under the weather, this man won’t let anyone know until you are ready.

“I love you for you, and all you are, so who cares if you have a few scars. That means your a fighter, right?” 

“Red Hair” Shanks

He’s one who truly understands, he has his own addiction with alcohol, to drown away whatever he decides he doesn’t want to remember. That doesn’t mean he wants you to do it though, he honestly rather you drink, but he supposed that was also life-threatening, so maybe neither were good ideas.

He tries to bring more humor into your life, not only to help you see the good in it, but also to help you smile over the difficult stuff. He knows it’s not a healthy coping skill, but it’s a start to getting there. 

Will cut down on his drinking and work with you on trying new things when you both feel your triggers. He doesn’t particularly drink for the taste, rather just the rush of forgetting things, so he does great on distraction coping skills and uses them on you as well (whether you like them or not-). 

Will kiss every scar you have and remind you how amazing you are to him! He wants you to feel confident in your body with your battle scars. Just like  he lost his arm, you lost some things too, but together maybe you two can be whole.

“No matter what you do, I will always love you, but if you hurt yourself, I might have to lecture you on the importance of messing with masterpieces.”

Benn Beckman

He’s been hurt on the battle field, but never intentionally. However, over the years he learned that people cope differently, and that how you coped. He doesn’t particularly care for your past choices, but he’s glad it was in the past.

Even though he is quiet, he wants you to come to him when you feel those urges, he will listen to your stressors and help you find solutions together. He’s definitely not going to let you use that to cope again, so come to him or he will find you.

He’s not super controlling and trusts you, so you won’t have to worry about being denied razors or anything, however, if you do feel you are triggered or overwhelmed, he will hide them just in case. He does trust you, but the man is aware of what desperate people will do. 

Despite his calm and collected exterior, he does worry about you and cares about your wellbeing. If you ever happen to question his love for you in your depressed episode, he doesn’t mind reminding you of how much you mean to him. 

“You’re my raft in this insane place we called the world, if you leave me I might drown for good.” 

[burnedbyshoto]

good little omega

— He was an alpha, you were an omega. Can I make it anymore obvious? He was a crime boss and you were a movie star. What more can I say? Oh, he wanted you, really wanted you, but you swore you would never, ever need an alpha.

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pairing: alpha!shigaraki tomura x omega fem!reader

warnings: 18+, smut, abo/omegaverse, chad alpha!shiggy, virgin celeb!reader, kidnapping, drugging, sex slave auction, biting/marking, belly bulge, knotting, sex toys, heat, implied murder (lol rip shigsters last omegas), mind break, breeding, degradation, finger fucking, fucking in front of a crowd, modern world!au

word count: 6,174

a/n: this goes out to my shiggy stans. I never understood you until recently and now I blush like a schoolgirl when I see him. mondays are so busy, are they not? ive been home for 6 hours today wtf????

kinktober day 12 main kink: abo/omegaverse | kinktober masterlist

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You sat before the mirror, your eyes intently staring at your reflection. The people around you running around, chaotically bringing brushes and pencils to your face, the smell of chemicals in the air, tickling your overly sensitive nose. 

“Are we ready?! Is Y/n ready?! I don’t think she’s ready?! We need to be out of here in five minutes, people, let’s hurry it up!”

Breaking your gaze from your reflection onto your agent in the background, you sighed softly at the growing sour and distressed omega pheromones. Oh, you realized suddenly, your nose unable to keep from scrunching at the mildewy detergent scent, they were really stressed out.

Today was the night of the biggest award show one could attend as a movie star celebrity in Japan. The Motion Picture Awards gave only the most prestigious and prodigious actors and actresses their due. A night of fashion, alcohol, and nervous pheromone pumping alphas and betas in a single room to reveal who was the best this year. Working in an industry such as your own, you had become quite the living legend already at the mere age of twenty-two.

As an omega, you grew up in a society that banned you from enlisting or attempting to join the ranks of the best in just about every field of focus or study. So that even included the area of acting. Casting Directors had always said the same thing each and every time you were forced to present your secondary gender to them all when being called back for auditions.

‘Omegas can’t be movie stars, your heats are too often and too long, they cause rifts in filming schedules this project cannot afford.’

‘We have too many prime alphas on set. Our film's projected main character is an alpha, we wouldn’t want to be caught up in a lawsuit should she find you to be too… fertile.’

‘Omegas can only be good, suitable nurtures and well, mothers. This movie just seems a bit too intense for a little omega like you!’

Omegas can’t do this, omegas can’t do that. Alphas, the pride of society, couldn’t be made to hold themselves back to your alluring scent and occasional heats. Betas, the majority of the population, didn’t feel a challenge when working alongside omegas. Omegas? Well, if there were any that actually existed within the film industry, they were for sure never heard from, or seen of.

At the age of eighteen, you had nearly given up on your long aspiring desire to become the first omega actor or actress to ever grace the scene. But just as you were ready to tell your agent that you were tired of all of the same, repetitive bullshit, a gentle alpha had approached you with an exciting role in mind for you.

Movies and cinematic films had always showcased omegas as sweet, nurturing individuals. For the most part, you agreed that that’s how you omegas were. You enjoyed hugging your close friends, scenting them softly as means of a small pack you had created as none of you were mated this young, yet didn’t ever wish to be bothered by self-righteous alphas or betas. Through many, many biology courses revolving around your secondary gender, you knew that the hormones that made you an omega also affected the brain to accept and view things in a… softer light. But unlike what they taught in school, and unlike what the alphas in society knew about omegas as they could never honestly watch an omega in heat while alone, was that omegas weren’t always the most nurturing or kind.

The week before your heat, the week of, and the week following your heat, you were always irritable, angry, almost cold. You’d flash your small fangs at anyone who dared to approach you with a scent you hated, your heat room never once escaping with everything torn to shreds, and you definitely did not wish to seek any fiber of soft love.

So when the alpha male sat in front of you, a single fang poking out of his lip as he exposed his neck in a motion of vulnerability and conceding to you — the omega — you knew he was serious.

He explained to you his plan on creating a more realistic movie surrounding the brutal truths of what being a single omega was like. Films had, after all, had always depicted omegas as being mated the moment they presented and going as far as saying that there were others means to be coupled to other alphas without actually being marked. It was atrociously wrong of the omega lifestyle, and it always made your stomach curl to see that it was an alpha or a beta actor putting on the role.

But he wanted to focus on the realities. The anger, sadness, and horrors you could face as a single, unmated omega. The director raved that you were the face for that movie and had a soul that made him come seek you out. And without so much as consultation from your agent, you agreed on the spot.

The title of the film had been an ironic one. Good Little Omega was what it was called in the end.

All in all, the movie had done poorly in the eyes of the critics. Many individuals — namely alphas and betas — claimed that the depiction of omegas within the film had been horribly wrong. Omegas were never sad, never homeless, never abandoned by society! That’s what they had all cried the moment the trailer flashed with bright letters:

AND INTRODUCING: Y/L/N Y/N (Ω)

Still, the movie made billions as many went to watch it because they ‘needed to see how horrible the movie was.’ They wanted proof that omegas weren’t cut as movie stars because how could someone who was out of commission for a week every two months be proactive on set. But all they got was a cinematic masterpiece.

You had taken a claim in the industry, one while small, that hadn’t hurt that much because you were much more focused on the fact that you now were a household name. Well, that is until you were nominated for the awards ceremony you were currently about to attend, only that it was the one from four years ago.

You were the first omega actress and now the first omega nominee. You hadn’t won, but that had solidified the step you had in the door. After that, the interests to hire you in omega roles came pouring through the door.

But you were brought back to reality when the setting spray splashed against your face, your eyes fluttering when they covered your scent glands with the flesh-colored band-aids they got for you. Alphas could never complain about you being a distraction if you smelled the same as betas. 

Rising to your feet, you smiled graciously to your makeup and styling team, thanking them profusely as your agent placed her hand at the small of your back and began pushing you towards the exit.

“Goodluck!”

“Thank you!”

.

..

.

Shigaraki glared down the table of averted eyes, and his hands brought up under his chin twitched at his annoyance.

“Are you going to say anything, or are we going to remain silent?” he asked, his voice quiet yet heavy in all of their ears as they flinched. “Don’t think you’re going to get away without giving me an answer.”

The sour smell of fearful alphas should have corroded Shigaraki’s nose. It should have done something to unsettle the way that the young head sat on his black leather seat. But as a matter of fact, the young alpha had to resist the way he wanted to bare his teeth in a bloodied smile, his red eyes slit in his cruel lust for fear.

“O-Of course not, a-alpha!” croaked one of the smaller alphas down the table. Shigaraki snapped his eyes towards the yellow-haired croony, his neck exposed for the alpha, eyes refusing to look at his leader. “I-It’s just that, um, I — I mean, we don't know w-what happened to your mate!”

“I thought I gave clear and distinct instructions that you were supposed to have found them by this meeting,” Shigaraki stated, his voice somehow growing colder, meaner yet never once changing as his hands dropped from his chin to rest on the arms of his chair. He tilted his head, watching the pathetic alphas quiver like some scared, stupid omega. “Useless. Get out of here before I change my mind on killing you all where you sit.”

The crowd of alphas left quicker than Shigaraki could blink, leaving behind the reeking smell of scared alpha pheromones. 

“Tomura-kun, you killed your mate,” came the singsong giggle from behind him, and Shigaraki didn’t bother turning around, his nose and ears sharp enough to pick up exactly it was behind him. 

“They’re all a bunch of pissy lackeys,” Shigaraki simply stated, his eyes rolling as he slowly fell to the back of his chair, red eyes meeting golden ones that shone with mirth and joy. “What do you want, Toga?”

Toga leaned against the leather armrest, uncaring that Shigaraki hated his personal space invaded. The young female was an alpha, much like most of the people within this gang group, but unlike the others, she had a distinct, almost terrifying way to change the way she smelled. She could smell like anyone or any secondary gender. She often preferred to smell like an omega too. 

“We have a guest visiting us today!” Toga chirped, her fingers clasping together. “I wanted to introduce him!”

“Bring Giran in,” Shigaraki snapped, his eyes narrowing with no real malice for the alpha next to him who simply pouted at the surprise — not a surprise — being ruined. Giran reeked of cigarettes and cheap body sprays that, when wafted with his distinct omega pheromones, made Shigaraki want to throw up. “Hurry up.”

“UGH!”

Shigaraki’s mouth was set in a firm line, his eyes watching as one of his most trusted allies walked to the table, and taking a seat in the abandoned chairs as Toga purred in happiness, sitting on the armchair of Giran’s chair, arms enveloping him. 

“Shigaraki, how are you doing?” Giran smiled, the cigarette that seemed to take a permanent residence in his teeth moving with his words. “I came bearing some great news.”

“What do you have for me?” Shigaraki simply states, his eyes focusing on the letter that is unpocketed from Giran’s pockets and placed onto the table. “Don’t tell me you’re trying to sell me your omega niece again.”

Giran chuckled, looking at Toga, who was smirking softly, “I guess he still hates that joke, huh?”

“Absolutely livid!” Toga laughed.

Shigaraki growled, his mind and his inner alpha snarling at the lack of respect to the command of his question. He outranked them, outpowered them; they needed to respect his orders. 

Giran took a deep inhale of his cigarette, sliding the card over to Shigaraki, his eyes averted, but his stance still firm. “I know you go through omegas faster than a teenage boy goes through a pack of tissues, but I think this can answer the pleas you have at night.”

Observing the card in his hand, Shigaraki scowls, unsure of how to feel about the print on the invitation. 

“Say the word, and I’ll get you a seat,” Giran whispers, like a sinister god begging a mere mortal to sign over their life for something completely worthless. But Shigaraki knows his worth, and more importantly, he knows in this game he outranks Giran, who would never betray him. In the slightest. He huffs, his back hunched, and his eyes looking with subdued excitement. 

“Who else is showing up?”

Giran knows the seat will be wanted that instant.

“No one who could hold a candle to you, alpha.”

“Don’t make me regret this.”

“Of course not, my liege.”

.

..

.

The award sitting in your hand feels almost fake as if the entire night was nothing more than a heat-driven fever dream. You had won, had actually won the most significant award of the night that an actress could win!

“Oh my gods, okay, okay,” your agent muttered beside you. Her eyes glued to the shiny gold statue between your legs. “Well, I know your heat starts tomorrow, and I’ll leave you alone for a week. But I swear, y/n, as soon as your mind isn’t a full-blown lusty heat brained bimbo, we’ll reconvene, and we will make sure you are nothing but the greatest!”

“Yeah,” you breathlessly state, eyes transfixed on the prize that felt like it could melt away any second right now. “That sounds wonderful.”

The car you were in pulled up to your front door, and you felt meek excited the car in nothing but a silk robe and slippers. The dress you had worn that night had already been put back into a plastic bag to be returned to the stylist who had offered to style you for the night. You waved with an almost transfixed look in your eyes as you closed your front door behind you, your heart hammering as adrenaline still coursed through your veins as if you had just been declared the victor of the category yet again.

Placing the trophy onto the table, you sighed in a wondrous, dreamy way.

You had done it.

You had won.

Fuck all those directors who had ever said anything different.

Still deep in your thoughts, you almost missed the knock on your door, and you figured that you must have left something in the car. Walking back over to the front door, your nose curled at the lack of scent, was it a beta?

Opening the door, you don’t remember seeing faces or even a scent of a pheromone. A single cloth wrapped over your head, and before you could send out your painful, fearful moments-from-heat omega pheromones, you were knocked out.

Cold and lifeless, you sunk against their arms, bile rising up to your throat as you know exactly what was going on. You were being kidnapped. 

No… please not… not after all of this had happened.

.

..

.

You wake up to the sound of moving feet, sneering laughter, the feeling of coarse, hot, hands on your ass and wet, simmering tongues on your lubricated cunt. The sense is vivid. You can feel the very littlest touch on your body, the layer of scented pheromones on your glands, and slick from alphas — you know it's alphas imprinting themselves on you as a mark of a claim.

You knew about this from high school; it was an extremely outdated and frowned upon version of mating and claiming as it simply turned away any sort of pursuer who wasn’t the thick pheromone individual. You also knew it was frowned upon because if multiple individuals sought mateship with the typical omega individual, it would result in a massive, unsolvable death match. But these alphas, even with layering their scent on you so thick you thought you were turning crazy, didn’t attack. No, they took languid stripes of your fresh, intoxicating slick and growled to you, maybe, how that was how slick was supposed to be. 

You wanted to move, to kick the stupid, demeaning alphas in the snout before running away, but in a twist of horrible realization, you soon figured out that despite your alert mind, you couldn’t move your body. Couldn’t shift it even the smallest of bits. 

“I hope all you wonderful clients have been able to taste and smell your potential mates out here!” A loud, commanding introduction voice echoed from somewhere where you couldn’t see, his voice vibrating into the straps of your legs, but you couldn’t make a sound or even open your eyes. “As you know, we have such an arrangement for you all, the best of the best, really! We don’t wish to rush, but as always, all of these events are incredibly time-sensitive, so if you would, please alphas, please come and sit down, and we’ll begin bidding on our first of seven beautiful, fertile omegas tonight!” 

The words sounded foreign in your ears yet at the same time, something so familiar because this was something you omegas were always warned about. This had to be some sort of omega mate auction, and by the stench of alphas who smelled like they owned millions and killed millions, you were in no doubt somehow caught up in one of the worst ones imagined. 

Two long, completely hardened fingers suddenly entered your cunt, and as if for a single millisecond, your mind and your body were able to work in tangent, your hips bucked at the sweet feelings. Oh, your eyes tried to flutter, enjoying the way the two fingers circled the walls of your long lonely cunt.

“Please, alpha, please refrain from touching the merchandise for now, please join us so that we may begin!”

The two fingers buried within your cunt as if it was their right, slowly withdrew out of your pulsing walls, and you heard the sound of sneakers against the hardwood floor and felt relaxed and sickened at how you sort of liked it.

Heat brain, you reminded yourself. Just your stupid, horny heat brain.

You were a celebrity, you mantra, a dignified star who didn’t need a beta or an alpha unless you saw it fit. Right now, as you had repeated many times to the countless amounts of reporters who had asked, you had no interest in someone to share your heat with.

“Alright, and to start off our night in a rolling go! Please, everyone put your hands together for the fertile and beautiful thirteenth in-line the Princess of Cabodia: Dayanara!”

This auction was insane, all six omegas before you all sold from a price that ranged from 198 hundred million to the one right before you who sold for one billion dollars. You were a prideful omega, and you saw worth to your abilities, smell, and looks, but were you even worth anywhere in that range?

The entire time you had been set up in who knows what, the small, overwhelming pound of your heat sinking into the depths and pores of your body was becoming heavy. You couldn’t move a single muscle still, your body still refusing to respond to the call of your body, but the seep of your slick running down the innards of your thighs, undoubtedly beginning to pool on the ground, must be embarrassing of you. 

Suddenly someone spread the skin below your ass out, and you couldn’t react as something sharp and prick stabbed into your flesh. You howled in the surprising pain, and you were fast to find that whatever they had injected you with had allowed systematic movement within your body. Your eyes fluttered open as two, impossibly huge alphas grabbed you by your forearm and hoisted you to your feet. 

Your neck was far too weak to carry the weight of your head, so your eyes were transfixed on the white silk of the slutty dress they dressed you in. It showed off your cleavage with no regret, and by the feel and look of it, it barely passed the bottom of your ass. Your vision swam, the alphas all over the room distorted and melting within one another as you stepped onto a stage, the spotlight on you feeling deliriously hot and melting your skin.

Your hormones, already going crazy with your heat, seemed to intensify at the small of so many capable, potent, possessive alpha pheromones that suffocated the room. Handcuffs slapped onto your wrists, and you moaned pathetically at the sting of cold metal on your skin, and you obediently followed the command of one alpha to go on your knees. 

A nail slammed between the metal links of the handcuffs, practically stapling you to the wooden floor, and you whimpered at the feeling of a stuffed pillow mount being placed beneath your lower stomach. You were in a forced and easily accessible mating position with your slick and cunt exposed for all the alphas to re-smell and see. 

Moaning, you shifted against the mount, your body not able to have the full movement you needed to ward off that building, insufferable heat in your core, but nothing you could do seemed to satisfy it.

“And for our biggest prize of the night, we have the one, the only, the beautiful sensation Y/l/n Y/n!” the auctioneer roared. His voice echoing in your ear as he walked over to you, exposing your dripping cunt to the crowd of alphas who had all gotten a sweet taste of your essence already. His hand came down to slap your ass with a chuckle. “Where do we start the bidding on this one, alphas? She needs no introduction, and none of you better be pussies because we know this bitch of an omega won’t take any tiny cocks as her alpha! She needs to be broken in, fucked to submission. No one likes a trailblazer… someone needs to remind of what fucking trail she’s supposed to be on. Besides, the bitch is in fucking heat, and if you don’t claim her, I just might do it myself!”

“75 million!” someone started the bidding.

You stiffened.

“75 to the man in the back!”

“90 million!” someone challenged.

“We’re up to 90!”

“125 million!”

“Do I hear another offer?”

“250 million!”

“250 million!”

The number climbed and climbed, the same voices coming to challenge each other until finally, they rounded out to a quantity that sounded bizarre even to you. 

“950 million!”

If it had been possible for your knees to give out, you would have been collapsed onto the floor, the pool of slick that continued to lubricate your cunt without a doubt drowning you as you craved the need to be fucked by someone with undoubted alpha pheromones and cock in this room. 

“950 million?” the auctioneer repeated, his voice for sure carrying a shark-like grin. “Going once, going twice—”

“Five billion.”

The gasp in the crowd was undeniable, and the omega in you crooned, knowing that this alpha valued you and your omega to be the price of five billion US dollars. 

“Fuck!” screamed the man who had presented the 950 million deal. 

“Wowee, five billion dollars, everyone! Anyone think they can beat that?! Going once! Going twice!” The crowd remained in silence, and you shook against your restraint, the heat emitting from your cunt almost demanding to be seen and fucked through this heat week. “SOLD! The virgin celebrity, Y/l/n Y/n sold to our own Shigaraki Tomura!”

The cheers of amaze weren’t nearly as loud as the smell of reeking petty alpha.

“Come and pay up, alpha, and then you can show us… a demonstration of how you’re going to break this omega.”

“Shut up.” Shigaraku growled, his footsteps heavy in your ear as you feel him climb up the stage, and you weakly tilted your head to look at the white-haired alpha boss hand over a simple credit card before walking over to you, his eyes unreadable as he looked you dead in the eye.

He reached out a finger that raised your chin up for him to study your face, moving and tilting your head as he pleased as a small, sinister smile pressed to his lips as he dropped your head. A sharp, uncomfortable pain fell on your chin as it crashed to the floor, and you shivered at the feeling of his calloused and rough fingers running down your exposed back.

“You’re such a small omega, still stupidly tiny. I bet you’ve never thought your first knot would come from someone like me,” Shigaraki laughed, his fingers and voice ice cold. His words were soft, spoken in a way that had your omega stupidly cooing for having secret conversations with your alpha who promised to fuck you till you were carrying a litter of pups. “I hope you realize that this is real life, that I will break you, and no hero in this world will be able to fucking save you.”

“Fuck the omega!” someone from the crowd screamed, and Shigaraki glared upwards. Still, you shivered in the thought of this alpha who spent five billion dollars to make you his claiming you, fucking your stupid heat brain into mush in front of these smaller, irrelevant alphas. 

“I’ll do what I fucking please,” Shigaraki snapped, but the fingers you remembered to have been the last ones to enter your slicked crazy walls seemed to be his. They moved deep within you, curling and spreading your tight, sopping wet cavern apart, letting your pathetic, chirping cries echo powerfully in the room as lusting, near rutting alpha pheromones filled the room. “For fucks sake, omega, your pussy’s fucking tight as shit! Don’t you have any real knotted toys?”

You couldn’t respond back, your body on the road to a complete shut down at the feeling of something other than silicone deep within your body, fingering and dragging against your pheromone soaked walls.

“Alpha, y-your fingers feel so good!” you gasp, your hips thrusting backward, enjoying the way his fingernails press onto your warm velvet walls. “So good, you make me feel so good already.”

“I’ve seen you all over the news,” Shigaraki growled low into your ear. “Talking about how you didn’t want an alpha, how you never needed to feel the tightness that a fat knot could bring you, and look at you now. I’ve barely touched you, barely begun to make you mine, and yet you’re already begging for me, omega.”

Your arms tug at the handcuffs, pathetically wanting them off. Exasperatedly seeking more friction from your newly bought alpha. You can’t think straight, can’t come up with a single response except the stupid apologetic, “I’m so sorry alpha, I didn’t know i-it would be y-you!”

“Don’t be shy on her, Shigaraki! Fuck the slutty omega already! Fucking knot and claim her in front of us, I want to hear the omega whore scream. It’s always hotter when it’s the first claim ever!”

“You better learn how to shut the fuck up, or I’ll kill you for interrupting my fucking session here,” Shigaraki seethed, his red, smoldering eyes ripping from yours and glaring at some loser alpha behind you. You couldn’t care. You only wanted what looked like the growing cock in Shigaraki’s pants; you wanted to feel the cock fill up your cunt, and his knot to lock you both in place.

You drooled at the thought, your loud, whimpering cries unable to keep from pouring out as the slick from your core seemed to pour endlessly from your pussy, demanding attention and a knot. “Breed me, fill me with your pups,” you begged fingers taking in his dirty fingers in your mouth, tongue wildly and uncontrollably flicking across his fingers in hopes it would be a sinking prayer of your promise to be good. “I want your knot, alpha, I want these stupid alphas to know you’re so much better than them~!”

Shigaraki’s once snarl fell when he looked at you, a slowly growing smirk falling on his face as his lips spread into a cruel smirk, one that had you moaning around his fingers as he pinched the pink muscle in your mouth before disappearing before you.

“I smelled your distress when I put my fingers up your sloppy little cunt right before the auction happened; I could tell even with your growing heat that you hated the feeling of my fingers up your pretty pussy. But look at you now, I haven’t even set you on my goddamn knot, haven’t stretched that tiny cunt to its max. You’re smelling better than a bitch in heat,” Shigaraki growled in your ear. His clothed chest pressing deliriously into your exposed back, the huge cock outline in his pants grinding incessantly into your wet core, undoubtedly leaving a damp patch where his cock ground into you. “You’re an actress, aren’t you, little omega? I bet you just needed this audience cheering your name to break your mind over this. How. Pathetic.”

And the pressure on your tongue is gone, the drool and saliva sticky and cold on your chin as you whimper for your alpha. You promised that it wasn’t right, it was just that you had been scared before, but your alpha was so strong, his pheromones so scary and mean, he could protect you and fill you up with so many pups you couldn’t help but to be excited now.

The smell of Shigaraki seemed to brighten, and you moaned when his hands pressed the white dress up, allowing for your naked ass to be seen by him and everyone who stayed to watch. Shigaraki squeezed your asscheeks away, chuckling at the way your small asshole clenched in your embarrassment and pain at how your hormone-driven heat demanded that he fuck you and knot you now.

“So fucking wet,” Shigaraki observed, his fingertips tracing the slick on your folds before a small pop told you that he licked you clean from his fingers. “Such sweet slick too, you really are a prime omega, little one.”

You whimpered, ass shaking for him to continue to touch you, to continue to fuck you more. 

“I don’t think you’re ready for my knot, precious omega,” Shigaraki taunted, and his words were a sealing deal in your lusting mind. Your hips knocking backward in some sort of desperation for more.

“She won’t,” commented the auctioneer.

“I will!” you scream, eyes filled with painful tears that could only be resolved with your alphas knot and claim. “I can take your knot, alpha!”

Shigaraki makes a small noise, and you choke at the feeling of something huge, nearly monstrous, shift into your cunt. You were a virgin, but even you knew that it was merely the head of his alpha thick cock, not enough for you to be satisfied, not far enough in you to breed or fuck you properly. All the moans in your throat were slightly painful, and the tears in your eyes continued to fall as you rocked your hips backward, trying to sink yourself further on his cock, wanting him deep in your womb.

You craved him.

“Ah, good, you can take more,” came the airy, almost insane driven coo of Shigaraki, the lack of humor making your cunt flutter against his thick, long cock. “Cry for your alpha, little omega.”

With that, Shigaraki slammed into you with no mercy, his cock bottoming out into you with a powerful, edging thrust. You screamed in pain, tears leaking from your eyes, and even with the pool of lubricating slick, his cock was far too big, incredibly thick that you felt your inner walls splitting in two as he fucked you as if you weren’t in delirious pain.

Drool and tears covered your arms, your painted fingers digging into the floorboards with crazy strength that you clawed scars on the floor as Shigaraki rutted deep within you.

Shigaraki commanded you with every thrust he gave, and soon the omega in you was cooing, howling for more, the pain of having your virginity ripped from right under you having become bubbling, glowing pleasure. You screamed in pleasure, Shigaraki grabbing onto your rolling hips to slam you back onto his cock, allowing for his thick cock to hit deep within you over and over again. The angle and power he possessed with every thrust were almost inhumane, nothing your lonely heat filled nights could ever dream of recreating ever. Shrill moans and pleas drowned out the annoying commentary of your onlookers, Shigaraki’s chest still flushed against your back, his hips landing heavily on your ass that was at this point raised because of the mount beneath you. 

“My alpha,” you babble, eyes unfocused, hazy, and incredibly heavy as you stared at some point on the wall, overwhelmed with the feeling of Shigaraki’s hot cock pounding in you. “My alpha, such a good alpha. His cock is making my tummy feel funny, making my pussy feel so tight. Please fill me with your children, I’ll be a good omega to you and them, I promise! I promise — I — oh myyy goddd — I promise, alpha!!!”

Shigaraki puffs up with the praise, but he continued to fuck into you roughly, mercilessly, as if you were nothing more than the breeding whore omega that he had purchased you for. The wet slaps and satisfying squelches rang in the blazing heat room, the smell of the pleasured and heat insane omega saturating deeply within his nose, and in the other's nose, the prideful smell of a satisfied alpha.

Your spongy walls clenched and spasmed against his penetrating, pounding cock, sometimes even forcibly because, by god, it was hot when his cock would twitch within your womb, especially against your cervix.

“Fuck, you’re so damn annoying,” Shigaraki snarled into your ear, his teeth biting and scraping along your neck, and you wailed when his teeth dragged over the sweet scent gland on your neck. The one and only place for mating bites to go. His hand gripped your hair, tugging your head back so that you could feel his rough facial skin rub up against yours. “If you want me to fill you with my pups, you better be the best fucking omega on this goddamn planet.”

“I can be the best! I’ll be the best!” you cried, your ass shifting backward to meet his drilling hips. 

The delirious sensation of his cock rocking against your cervix slowly begins to inflate the knot on his cock, restricting his still barbaric thrusting as he made to move faster. He wanted you to cum before he knotted entirely within you. 

The pressure in your stomach is scorching and impossibly tight, and he takes another long stripe at your scent gland. You tremble with need, your fingers tearing into the wooden floors. You can feel the knot on his cock swelling up, catching onto the opening of your cunt with every successive cunt, and you begin to cry, shake, and tremble as the knot becomes too big.

Your eyes cross, your tongue falling out of your mouth as you babble his name. Your walls clamp around his knotted cock with the ferocity of a vice, and your body jerks violently as you cum hard around his cock. The slick essence of your orgasm slipping out of the few lasting places open before Shigaraki’s knot fills you out entirely. Despite his cock unable to move, the swollenness of his knot preventing him from moving out of you, Shigaraki still shoves his weight into his hips, the inflated knot stretching your cock out so widely, your vision went white, and you came yet a second time.

A small pop was heard, and suddenly with a rush of thick, hot, and heavy white cum exploded within your womb, his teeth sink around your scent gland, marking you — mating you. He filled you, filled you, and filled you. His cum wouldn’t stop until your belly was swollen with his hot cum, and he eventually fell off of you with a shaky, shallow breath.

You still remained on the mount, your eyes unfocused, breaths mumbling to your alpha, a promise to carry out every single pup he gave you and would give you. You were his omega, his good little omega, and you would never disappoint your alpha. Not now, not ever.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

The next week, you opened your door with a broad smile, your usual clothes replaced with a dress Shigaraki had picked for you and a frilly white apron on as your agent was standing outside of your house, eyes wide, mouth gaped at the still bleeding mate wound on your shoulder.

“Ah, how funny!” you laughed, waving your hand as you sighed dreamily, your eyes fluttering at the thought of your alpha who was on a business call right now. “I’m actually going to be quitting! My alpha and I have many plans right now, I gotta produce as many litters as I can, being an actress would never give me this sort of meaning in life!”

“B-But, you’re doing so much?! You have so much to do! You can’t give up?!”

“Oh, my love, we both know that I look much cuter with a pregnant belly! Don’t worry,” you smile, taking your agent's hand, brightly smiling at her one last time. “I’m sure all omegas will eventually find their alpha so they won’t be so depressed and angry like I was!”

Your agent doesn’t get another word in.

You slam the door in her face, your hands already resting on your belly that you knew was already growing the life of your first litter of pups. It had been known the second Shigaraki filled you up anymore.

You were a good little omega, and your alpha needed you!

[mbti-enemies]

entp×intj (male and female), how would they lool like?

In short: a solid power couple who love nothing more than to aggravate the other and argue about anything and everything while still managing to be sentimental w each other

- entp getting all passionate and fiery and intj just watching them with slight awe and fervour cause the enthusiasm is contagious and its just a lil enthralling- intj feels like they could be sucked in and never come out but they aren't complaining cause its like they've f i n a l l y found their perfect partner in crime, someone who shows them life isnt just worth surviving its worth living, and rules can go die if they've got each other by their side. They give each other a challenge.. and its the feeling of risk and thrill that comes with it that they both crave

- the type to be sitting at the table each in their own world but hands under the desk interlinked with each other cause they still have a RePuTaTiOn to maintain but still j really wanna hold hands (neither of them will say this out loud tho)

- they could legit be dating and 100% in love and still be like "ew no why would i like them *and proceed to just roast each other*" so everyone around them is kinda confused but j go with it

- tHe DeniaL of Feelings here would be so much - entp just refusing to admit their serious about their feelings and intj refusing to admit...that they're even capable of having feelings

- intj sometimes getting stuck in the trap about thinking about things rather than acc doing them and entp just pulling them up and out into the world ..into the stars ...to a place where the 'maybe some days' become the todays

- the unspoken promise to never let the other be alone, to always be there in times of need , you know you can trust them with a n y t h i n g no matter how great a crime or sin ..they'll stand by you - "i dont care if the whole world is against me , as long as ive got you - it doesn't matter"

- when it comes to entps... its so easy to hate them but also so easy to fall in love with them and intj finds it hard to know what she hates the most , maybe its the way his eyes glimmer with mischief every time he has some crazy idea (she wondered how long it would take to count all of the hues of colors in his eyes - hours perhaps even days), maybe its the way he smiles ever so softly when no ones looking , or perhaps its the way he whisper his goodbyes just for her but yells out the hellos , or maybe j maybe.... its the way that he's the one person who intj (against all better judgement) trusts...the one person who she knows will stand strong even if she falters a little bit - the one who gives her strength ...but can still make her feel as light as a feather floating across a river

- tHe tEnsiOn being right up there cause lets be real , intjs dont back down and entps dont back off which makes for some very uh intense moments and the whole "shut up" "make me" tension

- entp enjoying seeing intj get all flustered and lacking in comeback (a very rare thing i assure you) , and intjs feeling torn between wanting to commit murder and wanting to self combust every time entp gets all bold and flirty (which is like once every minute)

- indulging each other in those moments of chaos and rebelliousness where intj thinks up a crazy idea to do at 3am and entps just like YESSS LETS DOO IT *and thats the story of how entp and intj find themselves having to figure out how to climb over a gate with a box of doughnuts after getting locked out of the house at 4am on a tuesday*

- both of them tend to be rather protective over the other and while they may not always show the love they're always ready to fight for it. Hence why everyone knows not to mess with either of them -- cause even if the one you were messing with doesn't have a reaction ..the other def will

-conversations of silence as words aren't needed ... its the simple looks and slight changes in body language, the little quirks of the mouth or sparks in eyes that carries the conversation to places beyond the universe (which is where convos go when an Ne dom and Ni dom communicate)

-ngl i can see how the first kiss between these two happens during an argument where one kisses the other to get them to shut up (cause said other was winning the argument) , and then realising what they've done and being like oh before the other responds with equal intensity and it becomes a hard core make out session in less that ten seconds ..."half of me wants to kill you rn but the other half just really wants to kiss you" vibes

- entp causally throwing an arm around intj or pulling them closer when sitting and intjs being a bit more subtle as they run their fingers thro entp's hair or casually leaning into them while reading a book

- entp resting their hand on intjs leg while witting together and intj starts playing with entp's hand cause they kindasortamaybe want to hold it but wont say so cause thats illegal for them *cue entp suddenly grabbing intjs hand , smirking slightly and trying to make eye contact with intj whose just looking ANYWHERE ELSE and being like shutupshutupshutup*

-intjs being entps debating match made in heaven. ENTPs argue for the fun and challenge of it , and for intj (w the Te) and entp (Ti), the world isn't sea of subjectivity in right or wrong dichotomy, but rather a sea of objectivity w the true or false dichotomy, so they can talk on the more controversial topics w/o being afriad of any judgement on values. they dont have to watch themsleves around each other- its being free.

- the sarcasm between these two is A+++, its basically the love language. No one will get the INTJ’s humour quite like the ENTP and vice versa-its about the quick wit in a perfectly wicked way (altho self deprecating humour is also v much appreciated )

- both admiring each other for being dreamers and explorers always ready to test the boundaries... but being smart enough not to get into trouble (cause its not a crime unless you get caught)

- everything being so r e a l w these two - there aren't any false pretences or any hidden motives , intjs dont feel the need to pretend while entps are proud to be who they appear to be - they both look at each other and know what they see is the truth ..which is something rather wonderful

- these guys may not fall in love easily , but when they do they fall h a r d - their ready to risk it all , "i'll set fire to the entire world if it meant i could spend another moment with you"

[17wishbones]

“Mugen Train” was such a treat that I HAD to write some short stories with the infamous, focused, and amazing Flame Pillar, Rengoku Kyōjurō. Easily one of my favorite characters. His handsome, flamboyant self needed juuust a smidge of more screen time and it would have been perfect.

S/N: Majority of my fanfics will be written towards women of color. Big FYI. Otherwise, enjoy.

- - - - - - - -  ______________________________________

                                         Kimetsu no Yaiba: Flame Eternal

                               Chapter I: OVERWHELMING CONFESSION

“Good morning, Sunflower!”

“Kyōjurō, please!” You whispered through clenched teeth, “You can’t be scaring me this early in the morning.” The Fire Hashira, Rengoku Kyōjurō, surprised you with a greeting by hanging his head down from the rooftop of the Butterfly Estate.

“My apologies! I wanted to see you as soon as I could.” He jumped down with one hand behind his back. “Congratulations on becoming a Hashira! You have worked hard to get where you are, and that you should be proud of yourself!”

The fire in his eyes burned bright as always. He didn’t know it yet, but he was a driving force in you making it to the ranks, and it wasn’t easy. At all. You were a rare sight in Japan. Everyone still thought of you as a foreigner. No matter how good your Japanese was, not many could understand the concept that people of different colors could be a native to this country.

You have fought for acceptance for a long time, and with the rise of demons, that put unneeded targets on your back. Just like the others, you lost your family to them, and it was but the anger in your heart that brought you here - to avenge those who were killed by demons. You didn’t know if you really had what it took.

Kind and supportive words from Rengoku Kyōjurō had changed a couple of the most important minds, but others were not so keen on the idea. You pushed yourself every day, working and training day in and day out until your body shook with aches. You honestly wanted to give up many times, and tried, but there was someone always pulling you back and helping you to your feet.

“That’s because of you, Kyōjurō.”

He shook his head. “It’s because of you, Sunflower! With perseverance and vigor, you made it through Final Selection and achieved your goals in order to be a Hashira! Therefore, I wanted to be one of the first to congratulate you!”

The confidence and support of his words always made you get “butterflies” in your stomach and your cheeks warm beneath your brown skin. “Stop! You’re making me blush but,” you bowed, “Thank you, Kyōjurō, for everything.”

You had locked your hair months before you trained for the Final Selection. Your hair had been on as much of a journey as you had. It reached down to the shoulder blades. And with these locs, you were in need of a floral decoration to commemorate this special day as you donned your uniform. 

“Now, to get a sunflower-”

“Right!” He handed a small bouquet of sunflowers, your favorite flower that he nicknamed you back during those harsh training days. “For you, _____!”

“Ah!” You received his early morning gift with glee. “Kyōjurō, you shouldn’t have!” One smell and you were hooked. “Thank you so much!” You set them down in the room Shinobu offered you to stay in. You clipped one off and wrapped it up on the left side of your head. “How do I look?”

He looked at you, surprised at first, and then with an ear-to-ear smile. “As beautiful as always, _____!” 

You felt your heart thumping throughout your chest. His words of sincerity always made you feel like you belonged. Not to mention, his fiery gaze upon you held true when he spoke to and of you. “You’re much too kind, Kyōjurō.” Before you attended to your face, Kyōjurō was already before you, wiping away your falling tears.

“You’re crying. What’s wrong?”

Whenever your world began crumbling, he was there and ready to help you get through any self-doubt. He ended up being a shoulder to cry on when you least expected it. He rose to Hashira-dom before you, and yet didn’t leave you behind. You owed him something in return. “N-nothing! I’m happy.” You took hold of his wrists, lowering his hands. “Though I wonder how I’ll ever be able to show you my gratitude.”

“Hmph!” He clasped your hands in one swift motion and stared longingly into your coffee-colored eyes. “Marry me, _____!”

You deadpanned.

Nature filled in the silence.

“I said, “Marry me, _____!”

Your mouth dropped wide open, “MARRY YOU!?” 

“Yes! Do you accept?”

“Wait, wait, wait!” You drew back your hands and stepped back. You rubbed your temples, momentarily confused. Stumped. Dumbfounded. “This is a test of some sort, right? A little bit of an early morning joke to keep me on my toes?”

He laughed heartily. “Not at all!” He locked his gaze on you as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I know that you will make a great wife!”

“Kyōjurō, I’m not like you or the others, as clear as they have made it in the past. I wouldn’t want to hinder you or mess up your reputation.”

“Our Master has allowed you to apply to become a Hashira; you worked hard to become a Hashira; and you have become more than a great friend to me. No matter what anyone else says, I have accepted you.” He closed in and held your hands once more. “I knew since training, to which you promised me your hand in marriage.”

“Eh!? You remembered that!?” You questioned. 

“When I saw you at training for the first time. I knew that I had to make you mine! I have waited for this day for a long time. So, I will ask you again. _____.”

You gulped. “Yes, Kyōjurō?”

“Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

“I-I,” your hands were clammy and your world started to spin. ‘What are you going to say? He asked you to marry him! Look, look! So what if you fed him a sweet potato every Friday and fell into his arms a few times? You need to let him down softly. Yeah! That’s it! Just refuse his proposal! He’ll understand-” Your mouth opened before you could finish. “Yes…?” You paused. ‘Bitch, did you just--?’

His aura suddenly grew hot around you both. “Then I promise to make you happy, to protect you, to guide you, and to love you until death!” With overwhelming confessions like this, how could you refuse?

“That’s great! But shouldn’t we--” You made a fatal mistake. “Kyōjurō?” You blinked. “Oh no!” He was gone in a flash! “Kyōjurō, wait!” You shouted as you dashed out of the Butterfly Estate. You only got a quick glimpse of his flaming haori, but he was still so fast! You thought you possibly had him when you ran into the other Hashira, assembled for the Pillar Meeting.

“Ah, _____! I was just about to come and get you for the meeting.” Shinobu came before you with her usually endearing smile. “Congratulations on becoming a Hashira. It’s been a long time since we’ve had anyone enter into the ranks, and for it to be someone as unique as you says something.”

“As if! You were only able to join because of Rengoku, and nothing else.” Obanai hissed from atop a tree branch. You really hated his guts.

“But you can’t deny her strength. She did kill fifty demons in a year and a half. That’s at least impressive, right?” Tengen remarked. He was a nice guy, in a way, so you liked him.

Shinazugawa pointed his sword at you. “As long as she doesn’t get in the way of me killing demons, I could care less.” 

‘And I could care less myself.’ You thought with a frown on your lips.

Mitsuri was at least nice enough to give you a smile and a wave. “You look so pretty in your uniform, _____!” You liked her the most, along with Shinobu.

Giyuu and Muichiro didn’t speak on the matter.

“Thank you to those most kind, and to the others, you’ll just have to get used to seeing me like I have to get used to seeing you. Anyways, I came here looking for Rengoku. Did he pass by yet?”

“By pass by, do you mean standing at the top of the roof behind you?” Tengen pointed out.

You looked confused as you turned around and felt your face just fall into shock as you saw him proudly standing on the rooftop - again - with a wide smile on his lips. “Kyōjurō!”

He gently took hold of you at the waist when you landed in front of him. “I’ve got you, Sunflower!” His eyes burned brighter than they ever had before, and the aura he exuded could be felt from miles away. “Everyone!” He turned to the Hashira below. “Let us welcome _____, our new Hashira, and my soon-to-be wife, to the team!” Everyone’s face cracked. “Treat her like she’s one of our own!”

Really, what would you do without this flamboyant Hashira?

- - - - - - - -

Chapter: I | II | III | IV | V | VI | VII (Part 1) / (Part 2) / (Part 3)

[trashforhockeyguys]

Don’t Hold Me -20- Carter Hart

A/N: So umm the whole thing takes place in a hospital. Mentions of serious injuries, and all that goes with that. Other than that though, nothing too triggering? I don’t think? As always all previous parts are linked in my master list.

Travis scanned over all of the articles that came out as soon as it became public knowledge who was involved. The media team was doing everything they could to keep it quiet and control the coverage, but news crews were already set up outside of the hospital. They didn’t know who did it. Carter didn’t know the guy, nor could he give an accurate description. It was too dark, it all happened too fast. All anyone knew was that you nearly died. Hell, you still could. 

Travis locked his phone and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He’d never seen you look so pale, even all those years ago. You looked twenty times worse now. They were told that you lost a significant amount of blood before anyone could get to you. Travis couldn’t even think about Carter trying to keep you from bleeding out in the street. 

Carter, of course, wouldn’t talk about it. He refused to leave, just like Ethan. But Kora eventually convinced both of them that they needed showers and food. But Carter also had to go to the rink. The media team thought it would be best if they held a press conference. Especially since the media was reporting that Carter had been hurt as well. But physically, he was fine. Mentally though? Travis knew this wasn't something he’d get over easily. None of them would.

Your parents were stuck at home, they couldn’t get on a flight out here, nor could they take the time off from work. They tried everything they could think of, but they just couldn’t. So when Ethan wasn’t here, Travis was in charge of sending them as many updates as he could. Nolan would stop by from time to time to bring Travis something, or just sit with him so he wouldn’t be alone while Kora and Ethan were gone. 

“She looks better today,” Nolan said, sliding into the chair on the other side of your bed. 

“She looks like shit,” Travis mumbled, “They said the biggest concern now is going to be infection.”

Nolan reached over and carefully grabbed one of your hands, “She’s still cold.”

Travis nodded slowly, “They did another blood transfusion like an hour ago. Apparently her body is still trying to regulate.”

Nolan reached for his phone, he scrolled through a couple of notifications, “They’re going to announce that they’ve postponed the game tomorrow. Other teams are reaching out with support. And Carter is about to go live, do you want me to turn it on?”

He shook his head, “No. I don’t want her to hear it.”

Nolan, for the life of him, couldn’t imagine exactly what Travis was feeling. He loved you, sure. But he didn’t love you anywhere near how Travis did. You were Travis’ little sister, the sister he never had. He’d never seen Travis act so protective over anything before he saw him with you. 

He was with Travis when he got the call. Ethan and Kora had just fallen asleep. Carter couldn’t get ahold of anyone else, so he called the first person he knew would be there. Nolan spent the entire drive to the hospital trying to calm down everyone, not just Travis, but Ethan and Kora too. Even Nolan wasn’t sure how he was able to stay so calm. 

“She’ll pull through,” Nolan assured his teammate. 

“I don’t know what I’ll do if she doesn’t.”

Meanwhile, across town, Carter was in a cold sweat. He hated the media to begin with, much less in a situation like this. He had to practically be dragged from the hospital by Kora and Ethan. He’d refused to leave your side. Everything was a blur at this point, but he knew that he didn’t let go of your hand once until you were being wheeled into an operating room. 

He couldn’t remember all of the terms that the doctors rattled off after you came out. Kora was the one who had enough presence of mind to ask them to use simple terms so everyone knew what was happening. But all Carter could hear was that you lost too much blood before you were brought in, that you’d flatlined several times. That it could still be touch and go. 

“Carter? They’re ready for you.”

His hands shook as he followed everyone into the room and towards his seat behind the table. Cameras started flashing automatically. When the Flyers said that a statement was being made, no one thought Carter would be the one to make it. The media was reporting that he’d been hospitalized too. He wished it was him, and not you. 

He blindly answered the questions that were thrown at him. The media team coached him on what needed to be said, less was more. Especially given that they didn’t even have any leads on who did this. 

Everytime he closed his eyes he saw you in his arms, growing paler by the second, as he screamed for someone to help. He wasn’t sure that he would ever get that image out of his head. How could he?

Kora was waiting outside the arena. Her hair was wet like she’d just showered. She was in oversized sweatpants with an old faded sweatshirt to match. She held her arms out, offering Carter a much needed hug. For a second he wondered if he wouldn’t just fall apart right there in the parking lot. 

“C’mon, I’ll take you back to Travis’ place, it’s closer to the hospital,” She told him, “You need to sleep.”

“No, I need to go back to the hospital,” He replied quickly. 

“Carter, you’ve been up for over twenty four hours,” Kora explained, “You won’t do her much good if you’re sleep deprived.”

But when he looked at her, with eyes filled with so much pain, she knew she couldn’t keep him away from you. So, Kora just held Carter as tightly as she could before promising to take him back to the hospital after he at least ate some food. 

The scene at the hospital hadn’t changed though. The rest of the boys were still crowded around you. Nolan came out to meet Kora as Carter rushed in to join Travis and Ethan. But Kora couldn't bring herself to walk in, not yet at least. She didn’t want to see you like that, not up close. 

So instead she handed Nolan a coffee cup and leaned against the wall, “How’s Travis?”

“A fucking wreck,” Nolan breathed out, rubbing his face with his free hand, “Did you get Carter to eat?”

Kora nodded, “Barely.”

Nolan looked behind him, studying his friends gathered in your little room, “The doctor stopped by about half an hour ago, they want to try to back off her sedatives this afternoon. Her vitals have held long enough apparently.”

It seemed that there was a little light to the day. If Kora understood Nolan well enough, you were out of the woods now. Save for the potential recovery complications, but enough that they were willing to try to wake you up.

She took a deep breath, feeling like her chest was going to cave in from the weight that settled on it the moment they got the first call, “You should go home Nol. I can take care of them.”

He forced a small smile, “Yeah but who’s gonna take care of you?”

She shrugged, eyes focused on the three boys huddled around your bed. Kora wondered what would’ve happened had none of you gone out. If you’d all gone right home, rather than staying late at a club. Maybe none of you would be here right now. 

“I’m going to go grab some food across the street,” Nolan said quietly, “Call me if something changes.”

He had to fight himself from looking back at you in the bed. You looked so different from the girl he’d come to love like a sister. Definitely not to the same level as Travis. But he found it to be impossible to be around you for very long without feeling protective over you, just like he was with his own sisters. Nolan never really thought that he’d have to imagine a world where you wouldn’t be around. But now he had, and he didn’t like it. 

You just seemed to make the world better. He wanted that back sooner rather than later.  

It was several hours later when you felt yourself being pulled from the dark. Reality started coming back to you, and that’s when the panic set in. Your heart started to race as you felt the pain, at first what felt like a dull ache felt like a white hot iron being plunged into you. You wanted to scream out, but you couldn’t. You could barely move. 

“Y/N? It’s okay, you’re safe.”

You knew that voice. The same calming voice you’d heard all your life. Ethan shouldn’t be here. You were in a dark part of town, alone on the sidewalk. No...not alone. Carter. Carter was with you. 

“Y/N, I need you to relax, okay? Please,” Ethan seemed to beg.

Your eyes finally opened to stark white lights. You could hear the rapid beeping of a machine next to you, it sounded like a warning. You tried to move, to speak, to do anything, but the pain only worsened. Even breathing hurt. 

“Hey, there you are,” Ethan let out a broken laugh that seemed to almost border a sob. 

You couldn’t think straight, but you knew none of this seemed right. This wasn’t where you were supposed to be. Your head felt like it would split open before you could even get a word out. Your body didn’t feel right. None of it felt right.

“Hurts,” You forced out, the effort of the one word made everything worse. 

“Okay, okay. Hold on, I’ll get a nurse,” Ethan reached over and pushed some sort of button and a few seconds later a nurse came strolling in. 

Everything felt cloudy to you. Like you couldn’t quite wake up all the way. The nurse said a few words to you before moving to your IV port. Pain medication, that’s what she was doing. Maybe without the searing pain you could think. Why did it hurt so much?

“There you go sweetheart,” The nurse said gently, “That should help. You just call us if you need anything else.”

Ethan said a quick thank you, not taking his eyes off of you. You wondered just how bad you must’ve looked. Your whole body felt stiff and heavy. The pain dulled just enough. Almost like the sun breaking through a thick layer of clouds. 

“Carter? Where-”

“He’s fine,” Ethan said quickly, “Kora made him and Travis leave so they could sleep.”

You felt your body relax just a little. He was okay. Zachary didn’t touch him. He was safe. You could take all the pain, as long as you were the only one who had to deal with it. 

“How bad?” You questioned, voice straining. 

You could tell just by the way that Ethan’s face changed that it wasn’t good. Hell, just by the way your body felt it wasn’t good. You could remember little bits and pieces of what happened. But it was like things kept going in and out of focus. 

“Pretty bad. Don’t ever do that to me again,” He begged, “I swear to god. I thought we’d lost you.”

You held his hand, tightening your grip on it. It seemed you hadn’t really come all that far from where you were in high school. There was a time when you were in this exact same situation. You hated that he had to go through this again. Once again, Zachary proved that he would do anything, he simply didn’t care. He never had. 

Some silly part of you still had hope that deep down he cared. Maybe if for just a second. You thought he wouldn’t be capable of something like this. Despite everything, despite all you knew and all he’d put you through, you still had a sliver of hope.

“You look like shit,” You tried to joke. 

“And you look like hell,” He replied flatly, “But you almost died, several times, so I’m allowed to look like shit.”

You nodded, knowing he’d been through enough. Not just in the last few days, but ever since Zachary came into your life. You once hoped that coming to Philly would mean a fresh start for you, but once again he proved that nothing changed. She was still the same little girl, so afraid of her own shadow. 

“I’m going to go call mom and dad,” Ethan said softly, “You just get some rest. I’ll be back in a bit.”

You nodded, trying to relax back into the bed. Every little movement hurt. You knew if you looked under the thin hospital gown that your midsection would be bandaged up. You didn’t want to know the details yet. Part of you still thought you could wake up from this nightmare. Maybe if you didn’t know you could act like it wasn’t that bad. 

But then the thought of what you told Carter before it all happened….You couldn’t go to Canada now. You couldn’t do that to him. Zachary could easily follow you there. It obviously wouldn’t be the first time that he tracked you down hundreds of miles from home. You felt sick. This really wouldn’t end. He would always be there in some way or another. You’d always carry these scars around. 

You would never really be free, and Carter would never really be safe.