#ive been told his voice isnt all that however sad

[man-monsters-and-aliens]

you

vs the guy she tells you not to worry about

[g0ldengubler]

lunchtime ~ spencer reid

A/N: THIS IS VERY UNEDITED VERY HORRIBLE WRITING! i just wanted to get this out. this is a kink i have but never really talked about it. but i hope u still enjoy! it’s very weird so if you don’t want to read it you don’t have to :)

Category: smut (NSFW18+)

CW: rough sex, riding, doggystyle, special guests listening in

Summary: spencer reid works a lot. he’s an fbi agent, he can’t help but be a workaholic! but when you guys finally get time to yourselves, what happens when it’s risky interrupted?

Word Count: 2078

✨masterlist✨

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

having a boyfriend who works in the FBI isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. Because of his job, Dr.Spencer Reid was always either gone on a case or working on cases at home. he could be doing it in the office, but spencer was a sweet guy and made a middle ground to see his girlfriend more. he was just as passionate about her as he was with his job, calling her every night when he was away, making sure to treat her when he got back or when he was done for the day. he made sure she knew she was important to him, which wasn’t something she ever felt from a guy who was a workaholic.

today was just like every other day. spencer got to do case files at home as there was no case as of then. Y/n tried her best to take care of him while working, as a return of the favor. She made him his favorite waffles that morning and even made him a fresh cup of coffee just the way he likes it-a cup of sugar with coffee to mix. He kissed her on the forehead, convinced that he didn’t deserve her. once he was done he went straight to work. In a way, y/n pretty much worked with him as his personal Penelope Garcia, as he was an old man when it came to computers.

it was lunchtime at this point. y/n walked into his office and stood in the door frame, watching his fingers move down the page in his book as he read. his fingers made her melt, and he knew that. clouds began to form in her head as thoughts of what he could do with this fingers took hold of her. she didn’t even notice he was wanting her attention as he snapped her out of her daydreams with a snap of his fingers.

“Bubs, are you ok?” spencer asked. he was still at his desk, his finger placed at the spot he was at. you looked back at him from his finger, noticing what he was wearing and it wasn’t helping your case at all. while he was wearing his favorite maroon cardigan that he thrifted (still lux though as it was ralph lauren), he also wore a pair of grey sweatpants. clever of him for the moments he had to video chat with people.

you were quickly out of your thoughts yet again as you felt your body move without you knowing before. you walked towards him as he turned his chair to your side. you noticed he was half hard in his pants, as the imprint of himself showed through. you sat on his lap and ran your fingers through your hair, peppering kisses below his ear. he chuckled, thinking you were being cute, but you were just getting started.

“it’s lunchtime bubs.” you whispered as you softly grind against him.

spencer put his hands on your his after guiding your body to straddle him. he guides them as his lips touch yours. “good,” he said in between kisses, gently rubbing circles over your shorts in the place you wanted him most, “i’m starving.”

not only was spencer the sweetest, softest man you’ve ever met, but he was also the sexiest and dirtiest. he was rough like a wild bear but soft as a teddy bear-taking such good care of you after he ruined you to filth. no one would ever believe the things you two have done together in the past year. no one would especially believe what happened today.

as spencer’s about to slide his hand down your shorts, his phone rang. he groan softly under his breath as his right hand left your side to grab his phone. you were a little annoyed at first, but once he put the phone to his ear, an idea popped into your head.

“hey hotch...” he said. you slowly leaned down and went back to the spot below his ear, sucking and nibbling it softly.

this wasn’t something new to the both of you. it was a fun little game you’d play if either of phones rang while you were in the middle of it, seeing how long they could last at acting normal. by now, spencer had got the hang of it and made it easy for him when it was any of his coworkers. today, however, he was almost struggling.

you heard other voices on the phone as well. you could tell by how low they all sounded that it was 3 of the men on his team.

“yeah, i was um...about to have lunch.”

you decided to try and break him a little, sucking a little bit harder.

“can i call y-“ a soft moan left his lips, cutting him off his sentence. his eyes bulged out of his head as his mouth fell open. you quickly coughed in a lower tone to help him out, trying not to laugh.

“yeah, luke i’m fine,” he said, “just stubbed my toe....shut up morgan!”

you giggled softly to yourself, but not softly enough. you heard laughing from his phone and realized you were busted.

“hi boys!” you said, jokingly sounding seductive.

spencer gave you a look that said ‘are you kidding me?’ which made you giggle even more. you hear morgan on the other end say, “aww, did we interrupt your lunch?”

“yeah, you did! we were just about to get started.”

spencer placed the phone back to his ear, taking a deep breath before speaking. “look seriously can we-“

he paused, listening to whoever was talking. slowly, spencer removed the phone from his ear and covered it with his shoulder. he looked unsure of himself, as if he was trying to gather the courage to speak.

“bubs,” he said weakly, “do you um...uh..d-do you want to...have the phone on speaker?”

you thought for a moment. you were always secretly into things like this, but never told spencer because you thought he would find it weird. but seeing him look kind of into it didn’t help the puddle forming in your shorts.

“you don’t have to if you don’t want to. whatever your comfortable with!”

you thought for one more moment before taking his phone out of his hands and putting it on speaker for him, setting it down on his desk. he looks at you confused.

“let’s put on a show for your coworkers, daddy.”

“ooooo coming in with the big guns already!” said Luke.

“y/n does not play.” said Hotch.

Spencer was frozen in his tracks. he couldn’t believe the words coming out of their mouths, let alone what was going on.

“well come on then daddy, give us a show! my popcorn is getting cold.” teased morgan.

spencer rolled his eyes at morgan before his lips attacked yours. you continued your grinding on him, this time he was grinding back. you moaned through the kiss as his hands went back in your shorts, rubbing circles on your clit.

“oh wow, spencer got a girl to moan like that!” said Morgan.

“is he making you feel good, hun?” asked hotch.

“fuck yesssss!” you let out a long moan as spencer moved faster with his motions. he let out a groan and cursed under his breath. you felt his pressed under your thigh and that made you try to hold in how turned on you really were. you held on for dear life on the armrests of his chair as he leaned back a little bit.

“are you getting close, baby girl?” asked morgan.

“yes yes yes fuuuck daddy please let me cum.”

“you wanna cum for me, angel?” asked spencer.

“yes omg please i’m so fucking close!”

“cum for him, princess.” said Luke.

before you could fall down the hill like on a roller coaster, you felt incomplete as he took his fingers out. you let out a little whine, letting the guys know he didn’t let you cum.

“ooooo doctor genius over there didn’t let her cum, how sad.” teased Luke.

“what are you going to do now?” asked Hotch.

“because she’s about to get fucked and really show you how much of slut she truly is. well, MY slut at least.”

spencer took his painfully hard cock out as you moved your shorts to the side. you felt the head enter you and shortly his whole length was slammed deep inside you before you even make a sound. you let out a quiet gasp before a loud moan escaped from your throat.

he let you adjust, but only for a short moment as he quickly began pounding you, holding you from your ass. you were a moaning mess at this point, letting out more dramatic, pornographic ones for the guys.

“fuck he’s really an animal isnt he?” teased Hotch.

“you like being pounded like a dirty slut?” asked Luke.

you moaned out a yes, but it wasn’t enough for them.

“use your words, baby girl.” said Morgan.

“i love being pounded like a dirty slut!”

“tell them who’s slut you are.” spencer growled.

you held onto him from behind his head and pushed his face in between your tits. “i’m you’re slut, spencer,” you moaned, “i’m daddy’s little slut!”

“you’re such a good girl, y/n.” said Hotch.

“fuck daddy can i cum? please let me cum ive been a good girl!”

“what do you think?” spencer asked.

“cum, baby girl.” said morgan

“cum for him, princess.” said Luke.

“cum hard all over his cock, baby.” said Hotch.

you finally came all over his cock, screaming as the pleasure surged through your body. spencer helped you ride out your orgasm and let you catch your breath.

“holy shit” said Luke.

“oh we’re not done yet,” said spencer, “she deserves a reward for doing so well.”

he takes you off his cock and makes you stand up, flipping you around so you were in front of him, your ass sticking out. he quickly put his cock back inside of you and luke and morgan cheered on. he pounds you harder this time, making sure you lose your voice by the time you’re done.

“youre such a dirty slut,” spencer growled, taking a handful of your hair and pulling it, “letting me fuck you over the phone with not just my friends, my coworkers. you like putting on a show for people? you want people to know how much of a fucking slut you are for me?”

your eyes rolled to the back of your head at his words. the pure filth in them almost pushing you off the edge as you squeezed around his cock. even the guys grew silent.

“fuck keep doing that angel, keep squeezing daddy’s cock like tha-shit im close. you want my cum inside you?”

“oh my god yes please, i want to be full of your cum daddy!”

hearing you say those words through him over the edge as you feel him filling you up, hearing him moan your name and cursing under his breath. he stayed inside you for a bit before he caught his breath and left to go get something to clean you up with. when he comes back he looks at you sitting in front of him, watching his cum drip out of you and onto his work chair. he wasn’t even mad about it.

“you did so good, bubs.” he says, walking over and kneeling in front you before cleaning you up.

“you were amazing, baby!” you say. he comes back up and kisses you, and it was hard to break away. but somehow you did after what felt like hours and laughed at yourselves for what you just did. you then remembered they were still on the phone. spencer grabs his phone and faces it towards them.

“well? how was the show?” you asked.

“holy-“

“fuck.” luke cut morgan off.

you had left them speechless before hotch finally spoke up.

“....we will not speak of this at work.”

[artreider]

Let's try to get this final live blog on my station 19 rewatch done. I'm currently laid up on my couch in mild pain but unable to do anything else.

I don't really like flashback episodes but i want one for the premiere since we are jumping so far ahead. I hate that this episode starts with a fight. But damn knowing what the fight is over, i love how loyal andy is to maya in this episode. Something ive wanted for her and the team. Qnd also jaina looks gorgeous.

The fire scene yay another fire on the fire show lmao. Feel like we missed some last year which im sure was covid related.

The marina scene ugh chefs kiss. I love how happy and giddy they are. I do wish we couldve gotten to see some of their month apart communication and their quarantining apart those two weeks when carina got back. I wrote a little something related to that and i may share before the premiere of season 5.

The quiet moment between carina saying her morning was better than those 6 weeks and then asking about mayas folks was a beautiful and real moment and i love it. So brief it could be overlooked but great choice for team.

The little bit of danielle and stefania that was them and adlibbed in this episode was so great also.

I love that rhey addressed how everyone was able to attend maskless and how safe the wedding was keeping the real world element in. Also vic love you and your chicken dance comment makes me sad that we didnt get it.

Vics parents trying to talk to her about theo is so cute.

Poor lawyer she'd be good for dean.

I understand some people dont come out until late in life but that is hard to hear that you havent loved the person youve been with for decades like you do this new person. That would hurt me so much to hear, like i couldve been with someone who is my great love if youd told me sooner. I love/hate this storyline for travis family.

Ugh if this fire had gone on any longer those poor kids and elderly couple.

Haha andy you should wait until someone answers the door for you when visiting almost newlyweds or people who've been seperated for 6 weeks lmao.

Also maya's excuse and none wet (shower) sex hair i love it.

Ugh sullivan trying to defend himself makes me so upset.

Bailey giving ben hell about second and third opinions is funny, like i figure shed be all for it.

Inara and marcus leaving jack is sad. I hope we still get to see marsha in season 5. Also if they do pair jack and jo itd be a bit ironic. I mean jo too had an abusive ex like inara.

Also jack and his marsha have similar eyes, itd be something if it came out she really was his mom.

I dont understand how maya hadnt settled on what to wear she's queen of the clipboard lmao. Just goes to show how some things throw us off course. Also i totally get her saying her outfit choice will define her forever. I judge my look in my wedding photos all the time and feel like other people do as well.

Why do i feel like this exchange between maya and carina was mostly adlibbed? It just feels so fun.

This poor family and ugh i couldnt imagine having to make the tough calls of firefighters/fire captains.

Love that all the fire crew helped put the wedding on.

I understand travis emotion here.

How'd this conversation about maya's folks get started with andy???

I love that maya and andy's friendship is restored. Also famous last words maya, dont speak the bad juju into existence.

Dean you shouldve spoken up there.

Why the chief there? I live in a city and the chief aint showing up for a house call that needs a few units. At least not until fire is out of they for some reason cant get it out.

Lmao maya freaking out about wearing the same thing as carina. Andy therapizing maya is funny.

That poor boy.

The dad comments to ben are beautiful. Also love that so many of the team know how dean feels about vic.

So why is travis getting dressed separately than the rest of his team. I mean i know its because he doesnt know about Dean's feelings and pushes vic to give theo a chance as well as allow theo and travis to talk but come on. He wouldnt get ready separately.

Also what was the point of theo going to that room if not to get ready. Sorry just annoying.

I wish carina had had someone mention andrew to her. Whether ben, bailey, maya or even any of the fire team who worked on the call with him during the crossover awhile back. Her grief during this day of happiness should've been acknowledged, even with just a remembrance table for him amd other family she lost to covid.

I do love this beautiful moment with vic though saying this isnt all just for maya.

Oh my how i love the maya confronting her father. She is the brave i want to be. Also what she says to her mom, yes chefs kiss. However when her mom shows up at the wedding, really the woman couldnt grab a nice shirt or dress to wear on her way out or on her way to the wedding.

I also love the look of pride on maya's moms face both at the house and the wedding.

Im sad we probably wont get any moments of her living with marina due to the time jump.

Ugh the choice that cost maya her promotion but ahouldnt have.

Also with all maya's options for clothes, couldnt they had dressed her mama in something borrowed from maya. Lol im sorry it bothers me so.

Vic's song for the intro is beautiful. Barrett has a beautiful voice.

Maya is so happy her mom is there and i love it. Also in my head at least one person videoing is doing it for the greys family who couldnt make it to the wedding for carina.

I also love maya singing along with vic to carina.

Queen of the clipboard forgetting to write her vows is special and funny. I love carina talking her down from a panic attack. Also her simple vow is beautiful and how carina who probably did write her vows saying we're good instead of reading them after seeing maya's mom in attendance and the look shared is everything.

I truly believe that was the moment she 100% knew maya had changed from end of season 3, was definitely all the way in. She knew what it meant for maya's mom to be there.

Love the dance montage and improved marina kiss.

Another healing theo and travis talk.

Sullivan just cant let it go and ugh trying to justify it. I just cant, still not over it. Even if he isnt captain in season 5 it still isnt right.

Sullivan you cant say you have the teams back then saying you can control them and throwing maya under the bus. Those are contradictory.

This jack and andy conversation is interesting.

This marina conversation is funny but sad when you know the end of the episode.

Its so funny that so few people know about Miller's feelings at this point.

It'll be interesting to see the travis, vic and theo in season 5.

Ben and bailey are so cute.

Wish we couldve had conversations at the wedding with maya and her mom or carina and maya's mom or the 3 of them.

Inara is so wise. I hate this for all 4 of them.

Gotta love the ole grab em and pull em back to kiss them and let them know how you really feel tremmett moment.

Too late dean, they tried to tell you.

I love marina dancing in the background ugh sullivan and the surrera rehashing.

Time for the horrible news ugh.

Everyone just looking at marina and knowing is horrible.

Great season, great episode and im looking forward to whats next.

Thank you to everyone thats been following my rewatch blogging, and for all the kind comments. I appreciate it so much, made the summer so fun.

[hyunjinssmile]

Treat you right, H.Hj

Warnings:

Smut. Fluff.Angst. I dont usually write angst.

—

‘Then just fucking leave!’

The words left your boyfriends lips,

He was drunk, and he was enjoying himself. The dull hum of the random party song did little to cover the sudden outburst of pure anger. You had said to him that you wanted to leave, that you didnt feel good anymore- especially when he was so close to this girl, and that girl. He failed to see the way your confidence shrunk every time someone would come up to you and say, ‘isnt that your boyfriend?’

You should have known, from when you started dating it was like a marathon you had never trained for, like a pole vault with a broken pole- like a-

Forget it, it was broken, it wasnt working. It never did. No metaphorical saying could make it sound sweet enough- worth the pain. Because it wasnt.

While it wasnt easy to admit it, you needed him.

Well, you thought you needed him.

As everyone watched on in horror , you turned around and walked away, as your supposed boyfriend glared at you, arm slung around another girls waist, the aftershock of the volume of his voice causing the party to come to an almost complete stop, people parting to let you through.

You had gotten about halfway down the street before you heard the slam of a door and footsteps, quickly barrelling toward you.

‘Y/n-! Wait’ you stopped. Only because it wasnt him. You didnt even know he was at this party.

Hwang Hyunjin had been your best friend since middle school, he grew up beside you as you both bonded over dance and fashion. His dog practically half lived at your house, and he never failed to make you smile.

But now it was different.

You had hurt him.

‘Hey-hey-‘ his voice was soft as he pulled you into him, pressing your face into his chest as you inhaled all that was the perfect man.

When Hyunjin entered highschool, you expected him to ditch you. He was picture perfect, and a decent guy, popular and sporty. You expected the worst.

But to your surprise, he was by your side the entire time. He became everything you adored, everything that made you smile, you were eachothers first kisses- hyped up on adrenaline and horror movie spirit, wandering hands and shy trust.

He never left your side, however, he did have a crush, and that was not you.

You were quick to say yes to any guy who asked you out, desperately trying to show that you were fine, that you were going to be fine.

Hyunjin dated here and there, but he never dated the girl he said was the one. He always talked of her, but always ended up with someone else.

While he became a probably the kindest and sweetest playboy anyone would ever meet, you fell for the opposite.

He used you, dumped you and got back together with you, for almost a year on and off.

You also did the exact thing you thought Hyunjin would do.

You ditched him. You avoided him.

While your boyfriend was an asshole, he was extremely fragile in his masculinity. While he told you when you were alone that you meant nothing, in public, hed boast about practically owning you.

He told you to stay away from Hwang Hyunjin.

So you did.

While you had to admit you had some of the best times, you were mentally a mess.

You lost trust in everyone, even your best friend.

Y/n?

Y/n?

‘Y/n? Baby?’

You snapped out of your thoughts, sound and sight coming back as you realise where you stand was the same as where you zoned out, your head still against Hyunjins chest .

He seemed to be freaking out, probably because of your spacing out.

‘Yeah?’ You said still spaced out.

His breathing calmed and his arms tightened around you. You could tell his mind was racing.

‘Lets get you home’

He didnt take you back to your place, he took you to his. Everything felt like it was in slow motion as he let you inside, you knew his place like the back of your hand, but you felt lost.

You felt so guilty, so sad. He was still here for you even after you chose an asshole over his company.

It wasnt until you were sitting on the corner of his bed, did you see his face properly.

A split lip, and what looks to be a forming black eye.

‘Jinnie-‘ the nickname slips out and you almost curse yourself at how fast you get up to check on him.

He stares down at you as your hand reaches up to touch his face, his check nuzzling into the palm of your hand as he closes his eyes, inhaling softly.

‘I broke his nose’ is all he said, before pushing you back, until your knees hit the bed.

Your back hit the sheets, your hair flying out around you as he leant over you. ‘You avoided me’ he whispered, arms now holding himself up over you, your breath hitching as he stared into your eyes.

‘For almost a year you avoided me, y/n.’

You felt horrible. You hated what you did.

‘But I know you didnt want to.’

Your eyes widened slightly as you waited for him to continue.

‘Ive seen your looks, the way your eyes find mine across the room, the way whenever you were with him, youd look for me.’

‘I missed you so much’

He practically whined, his weight pressing down onto you.

While you shared all those firsts in highschool, now it was different, you were both fully grown and able to comprehend your emotions, and while you were broken, you longed for him.

‘I missed you too- im so, so sorry Jinnie’

The tears fell before you realised, and Hyunjin couldnt help but smile softly as he brushed them away.

‘Youre here now. And so am I. Im not letting you go again.’

‘Hyunjin what do you-‘ he couldnt mean it, why do you feel like a little girl beneath him, why does it feel like hes confessing.

‘Shutup. Just shh, we both love eachother, y/n. Ive always loved you, okay? So let me have this okay?’

All you could do was nod, letting the man above you crumble, heart beating in a mess as his lips pressed against yours.

—-

The rolling of his hips was torturous, he was so, so deep, you couldnt form any word other than his name.

‘Years- fuck, we could have been doing this for years-‘ he groaned, his hands holding yours in a soft grasp beside your head as he continued making love to you.

—-

Your clothed makeout session previous to this was a mess of passion, hands touching- renewing closeness, it almost felt like nothing had changed.

You felt him, hard, against your thigh and you couldnt help but whine, softly into his ear.

He smiled, ‘if we do this, just know I am still taking you out tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.’

‘Ill-‘ he started again, his babbling adorable, exactly how you remembered him.

‘I know, Jinnie. Youll treat me right.’

‘Youre damn right’

—-

This is shitty, im so sorry. Life is hectic right now.

[munsooon]

for once the ice cream machine isnt broken

someone asked for a part two to McAngst with a side of Fries and so i ran with it since the event happend like two years ago and ive gone through some character development 

its amazing the things distance can do. It had been approximately 3 months since you’d last seen the Doctor. the first month was hard however, getting settled in Earth was already a struggle in itself but the constant nagging thoughts of the Doctor at the back of your head didn't help. you cried yourself to sleep most times, you mostly stayed indoors, curled up in a ball on your couch, old show reruns playing on your television. you indulged in the sadness, knowing if you bottled it all up you’d be a ticking bomb of despair. so thats how you stayed for the first month. sad and miserable. you’re sure you’d cried more in that month than you ever will in your lifetime.

after the sadness came indifference. what happened happened, and as unfortunate and messy the whole ordeal was, you had to move on. there were days were you did great! you went out, hung out with friends, went to your favorite shops and treated yourself to some cute shoes. other days were a little harder, you’d lie if you said that second month your feelings for the Doctor had completely gone. you saw him in everything you did, everywhere you went, the constant though of him was with you. if you saw a squirrel or a cat, you thought about him and the things he’d say. he’d more than likely start communicating with them and then translate the conversation to you. or when you passed by a bakery, you knew if he was there the smell would intrigue him and he’d pull you towards the scent and demand you buy him one. sometimes when you sat at the roof of your apartment, and gazed at the moon and stars, you wondered if he looked at those same stars, and missed you as much as you did him. getting over someone as amazing as the Doctor seemed almost impossible.

almost. 

by the third month, the thought of him barely crossed your mind. you were able to really focus on yourself, no nagging at the back of your head. you could really go out an enjoy yourself 100%. it was only then, your heart no longer heavy, mind cleared, that you start missing the universe. you missed the thrill, the chaos, the beauty of it, but you werent going to call and ask if you could go back, your pride wouldnt let you. if it happened it happened, if it didnt you’d just have to find adventure yourself.

but after all that bad shit that has happened to you, you deserved to have some good karma. and so it happened.

it was the holiday season, and the Ponds decided to spend said holidays here on Earth, with you. You were happy of course! they were you best friends and you missed them just as much as the universe. Seeing the Doctor felt surreal, having him flash that smile at you was nice. but thats all it was. nice, there was no flutter of your heart, no butterflies, no shortness of breath, just, nice,

but you shouldve known better, because having the gang altogether called for trouble, and thats exactly what you got. and so off you were, another adventure at your feet. you missed this, them, him. River wasnt here, your dinner didnt last long enough for you to be able to catch up on everything that had happed the last three months. so when the group split, it was just you and Him. if you hadnt taken the time to heal, this- being alone with him- would've been a lot harder. for now you were just trying to catch your breath, gather your thoughts, come up with a plan to save the day. 

as you gathered yourself, you could feel his eyes on you, and so you looked up at him. when your eyes met, he gave you a smile, let out a chuckle. “I missed this,” he said, and you raised a brow.”What do you mean, you're constantly running from shit, how could you miss it?” you asked, confused. 

He let out a sigh, and let his head fall, his hair falling around his face, covering his eyes. “that’s not-” he took a big breath, “-thats not what i meant.” he still wasnt looking you in the eyes.

“Oh?”

“what i meant was this, running from trouble with you,”

oh fuck 

“Doctor..”

“These past months have felt like forever without you,” he finally looked up again, his expression... sad.

you have an idea of where this conversation might be headed, and you wanted him to stop. 

“River told me everything,” he said, voice solemn. 

you jaw locked, eyebrows furrowed, body tense. you dont care, about him or River or wherever this dumb conversation was going. you were doing good, youve healed, if he truly knew about the situation he should see how good youre doing despite the absolute heartbreak you went through a few months ago, you dont understand why hes saying this.

“Dont,” was all you could say, the fear of the dam breaking too overpowering to let you say anything more. 

“When i was with her i thought thats what i wanted, but after a while, without having you there, it just didnt feel right. i figured out it was you, who i wanted. and im an idiot because i’d already known that but i pushed those feelings away- i didnt think you’d like me back. and i felt lost and sad and then something was happening with River and i just let myself get swept away, and it was irrational and in the end i ended up hurting both of you..”

“Doctor, stop.”

“and i think the guilt of how everything happened and not giving you an explanation was too much for her so she told me everything and then everything made sense!” he was pacing, running his hands through his hair, eyes watery. 

“Doctor thats enough,” your voice was barely above a whisper, but with those satellite for ears he had you knew he’s heard you.

“we ended things, on good terms, doesnt matter anymore shes not- with us anymore... but we ended it befire that so dont think im only saying this casue im a widow but i just wanted you to kno-”

“well i dont care! okay? whatever happened is a thing of the past and these three months ive taken the time to heal and, and get over you-” your voice was cracking, your cheeks were wet, “and i dont care anymore. those feelings aren't a part of me anymore. and id rather they stay like that."

he was quiet, eyes glossy. you probably looked worse.

"look me in the eyes and tell me you don't feel anything for me anymore," he said, slowly stepping close to you. once he was in front of you he gently cupped your face in his hands.

his big, soft, warm hands. they felt so right holding you.

you didn't look him in the eyes, you couldn't, they were so sincere, and big enough to fit the whole universe in them.

tears silently spilled from your eyes, everytime he caught them and wiped them away.

you looked into his eyes, and before you could lie and tell him you felt nothing for him, he gently kissed you.

it felt so right, to be held and kissed by the Doctor. you fear nothing in your life will ever feel as right as this.

[nad-zeta]

Match up! (◠‿◠✿)

hiya!! can i pls get a matchup for ikesen, if its ok? 💞

bi girl i prefer guys! ambiverted intp, gryffindor, n true neutral. i have an older twin sis n i love/hate her sm lmao!!

i have medium-length straight-ish black hair (w/ a side bang to the right) & dark brown eyes!! im 5'5-ish, fun fact: im a filipina!

sooo im a complex daydreamer!! i NEED attention/affirmation or ill feel unwanted/sad. emotional scorpio, im quite sensitive. anxiety, i overthink too much! quiet w/ people im not close w/. easily annoyed but guilty after ‘cause im soft-hearted. im like half funny/playful/kind & half deep/mature/awkward- hopeless romantic! i have a way w/ words, sorta poetic? i wanna be the best! sorta socially anxious, i have a fear of judgement. im not innocent but ppl think i am at first. i look fine but deep down im a big mess. rlly smart & knowledgable. vv passionate, big nerd actually! im like a kid w/ my twin but w/ others im more mature. im the type to do fun stuff and loosen up but would also just cuddle and have long convos. im vv good w/ technology! very imaginative, i come up with stories a lot- around others im very quiet because i literally have no idea what to say. actually a big history fanatic, hehe. i act confident but im not rlly, actually vv insecure and i regret a lot of things.

a habit of mine is that i tend to drift away and just… think? i also tend to care a lot abt my appearance! i get competative but there are also times when im just chill. i get vv embarrassed when i lose control tho n i regret it sm :(( i have loads of trouble asking for help even if i like to help others a lot! i like being organised but i tend to be… chaotic.

hsjsh- fun fact: there are times where im just,, super hyper n say the weirdest things? im good in school but,, im lazy yknow- i love math (surprisingly, i got a natural talent?), science (esp abt stars n space), history, and english (actually my 2nd languange but im very fluent) the most. bilingual but im also learnin french! wanna learn latin too tho but id break down- i have the fear of the unknown, failure, n loneliness! im scared of the future cause its beyond human ability to know,, the only guys ive rlly talked to r family members so my awkwardness goes 100x hsjsjs

oh, i rlly love affection, but i need a lot of space too, tho! girls gotta have privacy- games r a hUge part of my life, so is technology and the modern era! i actually like sports too- not very good at em tho :((

some likes: gaming, jokes (esp corny/stupid/puns), space, stars, weapons (esp swords/guns), philosophy, psychology, testing myself, affection, animals, doing exhilirating things, music, movies, books, writing, astrology, astronomy, learning new things, & mythology.

some dislikes: too much heat, school presentations, creepy dolls, being under pressure, dirty things, blind faith, & annoying people.

tysm! omg i hope this isnt too long- i think this is too long?? yIkes i hope that this is ok!! love ur writing btw! stay safe 💞

Hi hi love! thank you so much for the request! You sound like a wonderful person and omw it soooo cool that you have a twin! I actually think she sent in a request right after you did lol! Anyways sorry for making you wait sooooo long and i hope you enjoy it! @x-joie-x

 So i match you with...................... Mitsuhide

The first time you meet this sneki boy, you were quiet and reserved. War council had just ended and you were named as a princess of the Oda forces. You were super socially awkward, and anxiety was slowly starting to creep in, as the curious warlords started to surround you. It wasn’t until Mitsuhide had pulled you away in a teasing manner to save you from the crowd that you finally started to calm down. He had noticed this new little mouse had been on edge since arriving. However, he didn’t suspect you of being an assassin or spy as, during the whole council, your hands shook, and you could barely speak up against Nobunaga’s demanding and commanding tones. 

Mitsuhide had found you incredibly amusing from the first moment you walked in, you caught this foxes eye. He didn’t know if it was the innocence or naïve purity that just seemed to radiate from you, but for some reason when he was looking at you, he found that he simply couldn’t look away.

It took all of one day for all the warlords to officially drop all suspicions of you. You were just such a sweetheart how could they not instantly love you and feel the need to protect you. You had started helping a few of the maids that first morning after you were named princess. You didn’t want to be a freeloader, so you worked hard to earn your keep and soon, the maids were fighting over who would get to work with you cause all of then just loved and adored you so much. 

You got annoyed with Hideyoshi when he first found you helping the maids, as he was 100% started micromanaging you. You lost you cool and raised your voice at him, TBH Hideyoshi didn’t think anything of it, but it wasn’t until you had pitched up at his manor an hour later to apologize for being so rude to him that he realized what a sweet and sensitive person you truly were. Of course from that moment onward you had gained yourself a big doting brother.

All the Oda forces agreed that you were too sweet and naïve for your own good, so Mitsuhude was assigned to give you princess lesson to prepare you for your new life as Oda princess. You were super excited when Mitsuhide had told you that he was going to teach you a variety topics such as economics, politics, history and self-defence. You even managed to impress the sneki boy, by getting all the questions correct on the first test he had handed you. You had found that first test incredibly easy as you were a bit of a history buff, and all the questions had been based on Nobunaga’s history. This low key shook the sliver kitsune a little bit, as this proved that not only were you pure and naive but you were also super smart. You kind of reminded him a little bit of Mitsunari, a cleaver professor with their head in the clouds. 

Mitushide praised you for your ability to pick up on concepts quickly and work diligently as a student, “I dare say little one, you are the best student a teacher could ask for.” You spend masses amount of time with sneki boi, and through that time you realized just how sweet Mitsuhide truly was, although he was a massive tease leaving you a blushy mess almost every day after lessons with his teasing comments. And naturally, the more time Mitsuhide had spent with you, the more in love he fell. It was also noted by the fellow warlords that, Mitsuhide always wore a soft gentle expression when it came to you, and in your experience he had been a kind gentle patient teacher. SO naturally you found yourself more and more drawn to this mysterious man.

Through all the time spent with the kitsune, you found yourself opening up more and more. He was one of the few people that got to see your playful side. You now would make the puniest, corniest jokes he has ever heard, leaving this kitsune in a fit of laughter mid-way through a lecture. Not only that, but he loved loved loved your competitiveness side. 

This side of you slowly started to surface after the 3rd or 4th self-defence lesson when you started challenging the kitsune to rematches whenever he would pin you down, ultimately beating you in your little makeshift sword fight. Boy oh boy, don’t even get me started on the shooting lessons, once you were able to fire the rifle, you were straight-up challenging this boy, the best marksmen around to a shoot-off. “Come on Mitsuhide, the first one to get 100 bulls-eyes in a row wins, and the loser has to buy tea.” Needless to say, you always lost and even though every day you would make that exact bet, Mitsuhide would always insist on sticking you for tea and lunch as reward for being such a good student. 

He really enjoyed spending time with you and would absolutely insist on holding your hands whenever the two of you were on your way to the tea house together after your lessons. “I can’t have my clumsy little mouse tripping and falling now can I.” Every day without fail, he would say that to you as he wraps his big hand around your small one, while leading you to your favourite tea house.

The two of you would talk about everything and anything over tea, these topics ranged from you making stupid jokes, to talking about random topics such as philosophy and psychology. Either way, Mitsuhide loved to spend time with you. He would always listen to and hang on to every word you said, storing every word in his memory. 

You were his precious little mouse, and he knew you were an extremely sensitive creature. If anyone dared say a single bad word to you or make you sad, they would face the wrath of this very protective kitsune. Like one time, one of the visiting daimyos had talked down to you for accidentally bumped into him. You were busy cleaning the windows when you accidentally lost your balance and bumped into him. He was so disgusted that a mere maid had touched him. He started yelling at you and insulting you, this escalated to such a point that he even had his hand raised ready to hit you for getting dirty window water on his shoes. That’s when sneki boi decided to intervene. Mitsuhide legit stood protectively in front of you with his rifle pointed at the man’s heart, with the full intention to shoot. “Golly me it appears like you are quite the troublesome little mouse, my dear.” He then turned his sharp gaze towards the daimyo “I do suggest you apologize to the Oda princess, lest you want to answer for your crimes directly to Nobunaga.” The man simply scoffed and walked away. Mitsuhide then turned to you and enveloped you in a warm hug while kissing the top of your head, “Are you alright, my dear little mouse?” Mitsuhide looked into your beautiful eyes and gently took your hands in his, “Come little one, I have something I wish to show you.”

The two of you walked hand in hand to Mitsuhide’s manor, Mitsuhide led you out into his garden, where you saw something so beautiful you could cry. The garden was filled with flowers and candles and in the centre was a table set up, with a feast laid out op top of it. 

Mitsihide had told you that night that he was hopelessly in love with you. He was overjoyed when he had discovered that you like him, was also a hopeless romantic and that you had an incredibly poetic, romantic way with words. You handed him a letter in which you had expressed your feelings for him in the form of a beautifully written poem. You were actually intending to leave the poem on his desk as a way of confessing your feelings. This instantly melted sneki bois heart into a giant puddle and he couldn’t help but pull you in for a sweet kiss. 

After diner Mitsuhide had led you deeper into the garden where a fluffy blankie was sprawled out on the grass, he guided you to sit down and the motioned for you to lookup. Above you, a thousand stares were shooting across the sky in a big meteor shower. Mitsuhide pulled you into his arms and kissed your cheeks as the two of you watched the sky. He always remembered every detail you had told him about yourself, so when you revealed that you loved the sky and the stars, he knew he had to incorporate this rare meteor shower in your date somehow. 

This had sparked a new tradition between the two of you, to stargaze and spend the whole night in deep conversation. These nights were full of love and affection as Mitsuhide would pull you into his lap and just hold you there for hours and hours as the two of you talked and watched the sky

Of course sneki boi also had a bit of a spontaneous side, and would take you on exhilarating trips around Nobunaga’s territories. They were mostly missions but after you had nagged Nobunaga to give you permission to go along on the missions, you and Mitsuhide would finish the official work asap so that the two of you cuties had plenty of time to enjoy yourself in the new environment.

Mitsuhide loves everything about you from your slight messiness, to your love of learning new things. He also knows that his sweet little mouse sometimes needs some space and alone time and will be sure to give you as much alone time as you need to recharge. He knows that you will seek him out when you have had enough of your own company. He will always welcome you back with outstretched arms when you have had enough alone time, and shower you with endless amounts of affection.

Whenever you are feeling insecure or worrying about the future Mitsuhide is right there by your side, whispering words of affection and reassurance in your ears. He makes sure to remind you every day just how perfect you are and just how much he loves you. 

Often you can be found in sneki boys lap with your head resting comfortably in the crook of his neck as he soothingly strokes your hair. Don’t be surprised if this sneaky kitsune drops a few kissed on your nose, cheeks or lips during these quiet and peaceful moments, just as a way to convey how much he loves and adores you.

Other potential matches……………..Masamune 

I hope you enjoyed it dear and i hope you have the best day! 

[chocojjk]

Heaven Knows

summary: im not even gonna try, yall know im bad at summaries 

words: 2.7k

a/n: this forreal took me 6 hours i think im burning out ,, also guess what?? its not edited 

you were chilling in your best friends dorm room without him being there, which is honestly just a normal thing

jisung was out with his friends which means he wouldn't be back for a while

apparently they needed to talk to him about something important

“an intervention, they said,” jisung says chuckling

“What would you need an intervention for??”

“I honestly have no clue”

which left you here, all alone, completely bored out of your mind

laying there in his bed scanning his room for something to do when something shiny on top of his desk caught your eye

with the amount of times you've been here before, you have never seen this object

and so your curiosity got the best of you

you walked over and saw that it was a CD, written on it were the words “for you” and a badly drawn heart, the messy handwriting clearly belonging to your best friend

you chuckle at this

you never knew jisung could be this cheesy

turning on his computer, his screensaver, which was a picture of the two of you, lit up the room

you see, you and jisung have been childhood best friends

your parents were best friends which just means that you guys saw each other all the time

but dont get me wrong, they never forced your guys’ friendhsip

the two of you just got along

growing up, you would always be by his side and him yours

you didnt trust anyone as much as you trusted jisung

inputting in the CD, his honey-like voice started filling the air

“hey, its jisung, haha, of course you know that since ive already given this to you”

you let out small chuckle, clearly enjoying how worked up your best friend sounded

you cant help but feel guilty for invading his personal space

but c’mon, it was you and jisung

personal space is a myth when it comes to the both of you

and so you continued to listen

“umm, ive been meaning to tell you this for a while but could never find the words to do so , so uh,, i-i made you a CD with all the songs that makes me think of you”

‘how cute’ you thought to yourself, ignoring the rising jealousy that you were feeling in the pit of your stomach

wait what??

pshh, youre not jealous

why would you be jealous??? he’s just your best friend

‘im just disappointed that he didnt trust me with this,’ you told yourself

yup, thats all, just clear and utter disappointment

jealousy? we dont know her

plus, you had a very loving boyfriend

“ok so this first song is just how i feel whenever we’re together, this is better together by jack johnson”

and as the song filled your ears, you can't help but imagine that this CD was for you

keyword: imagine

jisung has made it very clear that he only saw you as his best friend, heck, maybe even as his sister

you think back to the day where you joked around of a possibility of the two of you

“ji, what if one day you become my boyfriend”

“hahaha y/n, that’s a weird joke”

“why is that so weird??”

“uhm because were just best friends” he replies, stating the obvious

and ever since then you have pushed the thought of you guys as a couple in the back of your head

never allowing your feelings to surface for the boy

your thoughts were interrupted when you heard your best friends sweet voice again

“ok remember when your first boyfriend broke your heart? well this song pretty much sums up how i felt the whole time, and every other time you get in a relationship.”

“I could treat you so much better than them, you know?”

“why can't you see that??? haha,, anyways this is Better by Gabe Bondoc”

damn, whoever this girl was got jisung whipped as fuck

you started wondering who she was and how come jisung never told you about her before

was she part of your friend group? did you know her?

whoever she was, you hoped that she’d wake up soon and realize what a catch your best friend is and that she would have to be the dumbest person alive to not love him back

“okay uhm, were halfway in this playlist now. sometimes i feel like you feel this way too, but i don't know, maybe i'm just being delusional. this is Friends by Ed Sheeran”

okay so clue number 1, this girl is definitely good friends with jisung

what the fuck han jisung

who is she

“if they find out would it all go wrong and heaven knows no one wants it to,”

you dont know why or what happened, but when you heard that line of the song, you cant help but release all the bottled up feelings that youve been hiding

yes, you were in love with your best friend

yes, you got into relationships as a way to get over him

no, it never works

because every time you were left with a broken heart, he was there to piece it all back together

he was there wiping your tears, holding you, singing you cheesy love songs

he was there with his bad jokes that always brings a smile on your face, making you happy, making you whole again

jisung was always there, and you cant escape him

and now as you listen to a playlist not made for you, your heart begins to break

surely if this was for you, he would have given it to you a long time ago

just the mere thought of jisung caring for another girl besides you hurt your heart

you decided that it was time to stop

you scolded yourself for even listening to it in the first place

and so you took the CD out, and put it back where it belong

a couple minutes later, jisung enters his room, seeing your figure seated in front of his computer, your head rested on your hands as your shoulders shook slightly, a sign that you were crying

“hey, are you okay?” he says grabbing your hands, making you look straight into his eyes

“shh it’s okay, im here,” he continues, pulling you into a warm hug

and you can't help but be mad

why the fuck was he being so sweet to you when he’s in love with someone else

han jisung, this is not fair, not fair at all

and then you realized that you were doing the same exact thing

you pushed him away from you, which caused him to stumble back, hitting the desk behind him

“I-i have to go”

“y/n??”

running out of the room, jisung tried to chase after you however,,

“Woah woah woah why are you in such a hurry?”

chan and minho

“I-uh y/n just ran out and i-”

“y/n again?, jisung didnt we just talk about how you should see her less,” minho exclaims

“Yeah, this really isnt healthy for you jisung, you really should stop pining over this girl,” chan continued

“guys, shes my best friend!”

“Ok and she obviously doesnt wanna talk to you if she ran away, dont force yourself in places where you dont belong or youll just get hurt in the end,” the older guys continued

“I-”

“were just looking out for you jisung,” chan finishes

and so with his head drooped down, he made his way back into his room

and then he noticed it,,

the CD

‘fuck fuck fuck’

A million thoughts were racing through jisungs head

he was sure that you've heard it, why else would you react that way when you saw him

god, he should've never made that CD in the first place

was he that much of a coward that he couldnt just tell you he was in love with you in person

and now you know and obviously dont feel the same

‘Great going jisung, you just ruined your relationship with your best friend’

---

its been 3 days and there hasnt been any contact within the both of you

you ended up breaking up with your 4 month long boyfriend

“Its because of jisung huh?”

“i…,”

you racked your brain for a different excuse but then decided to come clean, this boy has always been so sweet to you, the least you could do is be honest with him

“how’d you know?”

“I see the way you look at him y/n, its like youre looking at millions of stars, i always hope you’d learn to look at me that way”

“are you mad?”

he gives you a sad smile, “no.. not at you, i always knew this would happen”

“im really sorry hyunjin”

“Its okay, i wish you and jisung all the happiness in the world”

“thank you,” you reply even though you knew that it wasnt going to happen since he liked someone else 

meanwhile, jisung has locked himself up in his room

he was ashamed of himself for making that playlist

his friends have been asking him to hang out yet all he can do is mope around listening to the stupid songs that he has added and cringing at how dumb his voice recordings sounded

he missed you so much but he was so scared to reach out to you

3 days might not seem like a long time, but with you and jisung, 3 days felt like a whole year

Im not saying that you guys are always glued together, no, thats not the case

But you guys would always text each other

Sending each other memes throughout the day

But now the both of you was just left with silence

It really allowed you both to think

he figured you hated him and never wanted to see him again

So he never expected you to knock on his door

“chan, go away, just leave me here to cry”

“errmm, its not chan”

,,,

,,,

jisungs eyes nearly popped out of his sockets as soon as he heard your voice

and in one quick second he was scrambling to open his door

“you were crying???”

“no”

“whats wrong?”

“nothing, im glad youre here”

“umm, why wouldn't i be?”

“I-i just thought that after the other day, you wouldnt-”

“about that” you say, quickly cutting him off

*gulps*

“can we talk?”

“arent we doing that right now?” jisung jokes but as soon as he saw the nervous expression on your face, he shut his mouth and let you in , closing the door behind him

‘oh god, shes gonna tell me that she never wants to see me ever again’

“im sorry-”

“I didnt mean it-”

“what?”

“what?”

the both of you having confused expressions written on your faces

“You first,” you say

Jisung nervously scratches the back of his head, refusing to meet your gaze

“the - the cd, i,, i didnt mean it” he says but the way he slightly bit his lip afterwards was a clear indication that he was lying

did he forget that he was your best friend? there was really no point in lying to you

however, you just chose to ride along with his little lie

“oh, well then i guess that makes what im about to say easier”

accepting the fact that you were about to break his heart, he nods at you, urging you to go on

“Jisung, im in love with you”

“its okay that you don't like me back, we can still be best friends -- wait...what?” jisung replies quickly, ending his prepared speech

You looked at him, stunned at his sudden confession

“You're in love with me?”

“You like me ??”

damn both of you guys are so dumb i sWEAr

“Well,,,, yeah,,,, didnt you listen to the CD? I literally say your name in it”

(⊙ˍ⊙)

(⊙＿⊙)

(@[]@!!)

“WHEN???”

“After the last song,” he says, like it was the most obvious thing on earth

“I-” you make yourself over to his desk, looking for the CD

as soon as you found it, you plopped it into his computer

“really y/n???? Youre gonna listen to it right in front of me as if i havent been embarrassed enough” he says with a pout

“jisung shuT UP”

you fast forward to the part where you left off of  

“this next song is called Wait for You,, im sure you know this song as we always sing to it toegether, but yeahh ill always be here waiting for the day to come when you finally notice me”

The song begins to play yet you fast forward even more in rapid search of your name

“and, well this brings us to the last song,, god, i really hope you dont hate me right now, if you haven’t guessed by now, im in love with you. I dont know when it started or how it happened, maybe ive been in love with you ever since we were three, i don't know okay. But yeah,,, i fell in love with my best friend, god this is so cliche, but y/n l/n i love you”

you were shocked,,,

but at the same time, you felt like you can finally breathe

he loves you back

Han Jisung fucking loves you back

god reader, if you just stayed and listened until the very end, maybe this au wont be so long my brain cells are disappearing writing this

jisung wasn't making an effort to say something, not even to joke around

he was just sitting on his bed behind you, waiting for you to do something,, anything

we all know by now that he aint going to be the one to make the first move

the last song playing was the only thing that could be heard in the room

until,, you finally turned to face him, wearing the biggest smile on your face

you tackled him unto the bed

“oof”

“you're so annoying,,” you say, hitting him

at this point he has his arms around you as you were sprawled out across his body

“I love you too,” you confess, looking straight in his eyes

jisung doesn't know where he got his newly found courage

But he wasnt complaining as he reached out to your face, finally connecting his lips upon yours

“Ive been wanting to do that for so long”

“Why didnt you?”

“Well, you had a- dklfjasfkasjf,,,,, wait,,,,,, you have a boyfriend???”

And now were back to frantic jisung

“dont worry ji, i broke up with him,” you say a small smile on your lips

“wait, you broke up with him???

are you dumb????

He has like the prettiest face???

And like the nicest lips??

And hes so tall and he can dance so well!!”

“Jisung, if i didnt know any better, i would think you have a crush on him”

“shut up, im just saying,, that man is pReTTY”

“yeah youre right, he has everything i want in a man, maybe i should call him again, tell him i was just kidding about the break up” jisung pouts at this

“uhm, im sorry but you have a boyfriend now so you cant do that”

“oh really?”

“yep”

“who is he ??”

“y/nnn,,” jisung whines

“what?”

“will you be my girlfriend???”

“as long as you make me more CD’s” you say teasingly

“oh shut up”

1 year later

you and jisung are still going as strong as ever, and it was great

it was like you guys were always meant to be together, your relationship being the perfect balance of best friends and lovers 

as you were cleaning out your bedroom, you spotted the CD, still looking as shiny as ever, in between a couple of your books, and you cant help but smile at the memory

you were so lost in your thoughts that you didnt notice your boyfriend enter your room

“babe whats that?”

“oh nothing, just a certain CD that this overly romantic boy made me,”

“oh god, youre never gonna let that go huh”

“I just didnt know you could be THIS cheesy, like you really were symping over me” you say

the CD became an inside joke between the two of you,,,

you would always tease jisung about how cliche it was

“I still cant believe you didnt listen until the end, like what kind of dumbass just starts a playlist and doesnt even listen to the whole thing”

“hey!, youre the one in love with me, so guess whos the bigger dumbass”

a/n: oops another one but the last song is called Best Friend by Jason Chen hehe

[blackgirlblues]

Being A Black Girl: And Chasing Your Dreams.. Yikes.

Hi, 

It’s me, your resident black girl back with some new shit to rant about. I’ve been posting a few screenshots of short poems and paragraphs I’ve been writing on my phone as a way to heal and get over Capricorn boy from my last post on here and I see you guys like and reblog. Thank you for showing love, although it makes me sad that so many of you seem to be going through the same range of emotions I am. I’m sorry. 

I know it’s a lonely place to be in. 

But, on the bright side, I’ve got a lot of new followers joining the diary/manual/rant page that is blackgirlology and it’s nice cause I think it’s becoming a little bit of a community. So, in a way, were never really going through any of these emotions alone. If you’ve found this page-you’re part of a community. Bask in it. 

Anyways, that aside, a lot has happened since I last spoke to you. I don’t know if any of you may remember, and for some new people this will be a surprise. But I’m actually a singer songwriter from Ireland. Moved to London a year and a half ago to pursue my music dream and that’s how I met Capricorn boy whos been the source of all my poems. 

Throughout this time in between, I’ve been trying to chase my dreams, and chase them relentlessly. and this summer i did just that, let me tell you, what im about to tell you guys, is to put it simply, wild. I’ll just cut to the chase. 

It all started in July. I’d been in London for quite a long time now, over a year and now have a manager who’s my best friend first and foremost. We’ll call her Maya. I met her in my first week of moving to London in the student halls I was staying at and we became best friends pretty quick. She studies music business, so it made sense and she just naturally ended up taking up the role as my music manager. Shes seen everything. The songs I wrote about Capricorn boy, the tears, everything. And she saw everything this summer. 

I saw an ad for a record label opportunity in London. It was advertised on my university facebook page; a new indie label, looking for demo submissions for a competition they were setting up to find their new signee. I sent a screenshot to Maya who agreed I should send my stuff in. I did, they liked it, I got a meeting, we were sent terms and conditions for the competition. We signed it, the rest was supposed to be history. 

Big yikes. 

There’s so many layers to this story that I will be shortening it, just because it can get very draining for me to talk about or even write about. I’ve healed from it i think, but I still want to put it here and write it about to finally close that chapter and be done with my feelings about what happened to me and my music. 

Basically, the whole competition, the record label, the dickhead CEO, it was all a scam. I had accidentally signed away the master rights to my new song to a record label started by a fake CEO who was committing fraud and known for tricking young artists into handing over their master rights so he could profit off of them, for power. 

It was a mess. Another contestant told me and Maya when we were outside of their office. Just minutes before we were under the impression that I was doing an interview for Billboard Magazine. Honestly, I never truly believed it. Shit was too good to be true. 

But she told us everything. How he was actually a run away from Spain, where he was caught and exposed for doing the exact same thing to artists there, how he didn’t have any money to fund the competition he had somehow roped all of us into, how he was illegally avoiding paying his team, how none of the creatives we had collaborated with for photoshoots etc were paid, how everything was a lie, how he didnt have any connections, and how he was trying to convince me specifically to sign a 360 deal with his label. 

Which, guys, I’m not stupid. After the first week of being with the label for the competition and letting my song live through their disastrous marketing campaign, Maya and I long decided that regardless of what they said, I would not under any circumstances be signing anything with any entity of their company. 

After being told the truth, I had to sit down. You see, when I came across this opportunity, I thought this was finally the life I’d been manifesting coming true. I had begun to grow in my spirituality and start journaling, writing down my manifestations, and getting to work with a record label who would later offer me a fair contract before I turn 20 was one of the manifestations I had written down every night before I went to bed. However, what I’d gotten was the exact opposite. 

I remember, me, Maya, and 2 of the girls from the competition all stood around in a circle outside of their new office that the CEO also hadnt paid for wondering what our next move would be with this new information. There was still 2 other contestants inside who had no idea what was really going on was an elaborate scam. One of them wanted to go in and expose them on the spot. I said no, we had to go in and pretend like everything was normal until we figured out what to do afterwards. 

So in I went, plastering the fakest smile on my face and pretended like I still thought I was about to be speaking with Billboard Magazine. Once I got out, I broke down in Maya’s arms. 

I went home to my flatmates, Ellie and Bea and cried for hours before I had to go work a 7 hour shift at a pizza place. 

I stayed in bed, and cried, and cried. and cried again. I didn’t get out of bed unless I needed too. The only people I talked too were my flatmates E and B and Maya. 

Everything was sorted out eventually, a lot more happened, but as I’ve been writing this article for you guys, I realised that all of that stuff is no longer relevant to my journey and isnt something I want to bring back into my energetic circle because I’ve made peace with the fact that a lot of people who betrayed me when I was at my lowest, peace with the fact that these contestants who wanted to “work together” to get out of this mess, actually wanted to save their own asses and leave me in the cold. 

But I still got out of it and I’m still here. 

I nearly got sued by a man with less than 20 pound to his company account online, but hey, I’m here.

I guess why I’m telling you guys this really short account of my summer is to both record it for myself but also to say its okay to flop, its okay to fail. I did both this summer. and thank god i did. it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

following your dreams is scary, doing it as a black girl is terrifying because society has already kind of set you up to fail. there’s already misconceptions about what you do, who you are, where you come from and how good you’re going to be at what you do. its almost like we cant fail and we need to work 10 times harder to obtain half of what the average white person will get. and sometimes it can feel like we dont have any space to fail or make mistakes because of this but let me tell you thats not true. 

if anything, the universe will put you in places that will force you to grow through the mistakes you make. and thats exactly what happened to me this summer. 

i chased my dream so relentlessly i ended up in an environment i thought i manifested, i thought was good for me, only for the universe to show me that that specific environment i’d been wishing to be in is the furthest from what i need right now in my life. 

this so called failure showed me that not everybody who smiles can be trusted, and that people can be way more deceiving than i ever thought, especially when push comes to shove and they need to save themselves. you start to see the real them when it starts to get tense. the people who seem to be around you when you’re doing good will most likely dissapear when things start to go south, including some of your oldest friends. you will get radio silence on their end. be upset. cry. but after that be glad that this situation revealed their true colours. 

and then never put any more energy into them again. 

this failure showed me how fucking strong i am. how resilient and kind i am even in the face of disrespect and actual evil. it showed me how much i can care for someone who i believe is at a risk of losing it all, and showed me that this will not always be reciprocated. and for a while i thought that meant that i had to harden myself up and grow a shell. but i dont think so. i will not allow the things ive been through to make me into a hard person when i was born soft. i mean now, im a little rough around the edges, jagged enough to cut anyone who comes too close with some of that bad energy, but soft enough to hold myself tight and glue myself back together when i need to. soft enough to hold the people who held me this summer. soft enough to help people who i know deserve it. 

im a good person in a shitty world, i don’t need to match the world and become a shitty person to survive. 

after all of this happened, i stopped writing music. 

i haven’t written anything properly or produced anything in months and sometimes i get worried that ive completely lost my talent. but thats another thing that this failure taught me, i can never truly lose whats meant to be mine. i know that i was put on this earth to create change, to inspire, to be an activist and a voice for people who dont have one. i know i was put here to do it through a creative medium and right now i still think that is music. 

i think i just need to stop being so scared to start again, to learn my craft again.

i used to be so scared of failure but now i am so thankful for it and the lessons its taught me. i had so much hurt and pain and hatred in my heart for the universe for, in my head, doing this to me. but then i realised that the universe never does anything to you, it does it for you. all of this happened in my best interest and while i definitely didnt understand at the time, i get it now.

thank you universe for the worst summer of my life. 

and my black ass will be continuing to chase my dreams relentlessly, failing, tripping and falling on my ass until i get to the very top. 

besides, if everything had just gone right, that wouldnt have been very interesting, would it?

[everyman0]

A PALE BLUE GHOST

over on the discord, i announced my decision to make another trip to the Edge to try my luck at finding any kind of clue that could help me make sense of it. patrick gave me a whole lot of lip about not using his fucking mirror and other bullshit, but ill save that for another post. this is a lot more fresh and painful for me.

going back outside was a mistake.

i journeyed the five hours it took to get to the impenetrable black wall of the Edge. my plan was to walk down its length, survey anything unusual, you know. obviously i wouldnt have been able to observe all of it in one day as ive mentioned the area it covers is rather large, but i felt some effort was better than none at all, and i wasnt exactly comfortable with the idea of spending the night this far away from the house. simple enough right? there was nothing out of place on the way out here, so i hardly expected what i saw just as i approached the wall. 

it was jeff. sort of.

when i first saw him, he appeared almost like a reflection of me in the blackness. as i stepped closer to the wall, so did he step forward as well - until eventually seeming to step out of the wall entirely. we stood face to face, a mere foot apart, and i noticed then that his entire being was tinted with a pale blue.

i was terrified. i wanted to run away, but i couldnt make myself do it. so i asked timidly, "what are you doing here?"

jeff seems to come alive then.

"what? you told me to grab some stuff for the video today."

fucking bastard. i was still scared, but somehow i just knew he was mocking me. i frown, reaffirming my stance. i had to ask myself if jeff would even do such a thing to me...and then i figured yeah, probably - ghost or not.

"dont you dare pull that bullshit on me," i said, "those days are long gone." and they were. 

jeff laughs. "don't you miss it? simpler times." he splays his hands out like an offering. "cant be all that bad to pretend, for a little while."

i squint my eyes at him - both of them. these days i dont bother wearing an eyepatch, since the point was for evans comfort to begin with. now it doesnt matter that i have a gaping fucking hole in my head for all to see.

i ball my fists at my sides. "i dont have time to pretend, and i dont have time for this conversation - so lets get to the point. why are you here?"

"to see my old friend again! and to tell you there's always more than meets the eye." jeff then taps a finger underneath his left eye, and a phantom pain throbs in my own empty socket. i try to ignore it. 

"yeah, no shit," i say, and cross my arms. i was losing my patience. "if you're just going to spout vague nonsense at me like every other motherfucker does on a constant basis, i'm sorry to say but i will have to pass. i have more important things to do."

"like stand in front of this wall and bitch? is that what you're doing here?" jeff grins, and tilts his head at me. i just scoff, and deciding i had enough, i begin trying to do what i came to the wall for in the first place and begin walking parallel to it. jeff follows after me.

"im only bitching because here you are to distract me," i say, side-eyeing him, "so if you don't mind, kindly fuck off."

"i do mind, actually. why do you even want to leave? its paradise in here. no need to eat or drink, perfect climate, no irritating neighbors or awkward staredowns at the grocery store- you'd love it!"

i stop in my tracks. i hate that the sound of his voice is enough to get me to actually consider his words. but i do, and then i say:

"you know, for a while there, i did enjoy it. to an extent, anyways. you can only enjoy so much when you are all too aware of every little fucking thing. and maybe i could have handled the ghost thing, right? like you said, no neighbors or weird interactions. but then i saw this wall, and now i feel like a trapped animal - and im not okay with that."

"so if you couldnt see the wall, it'd be fine?"

i shake my head, "i came out here the first time to see if i could leave, and i wouldve kept walking if there was nothing to stop me. maybe i would have returned, after a while, had i done so. maybe not." i shrug, somewhat frustrated at the thought. "a wall is a wall, whether i can see it or not. seeing isnt the problem, the existence of the thing is."

"well yeah, but you can't just leave." jeff says it like its obvious. in hindsight, maybe it was. i could already imagine a few reasons as to why, but i wanted to pry out what jeff seems to think the answer is.

so i ask, "and why is that?"

jeff answers: "because there's...people, out there? like, innocent fuckin people, dude." well duh.

i roll my eyes, "im aware. but what does that have to do with me, exactly? habit is already somewhere else doing god knows what."

jeff looks on blankly. "we don't need two of you out there."

ouch. and unfortunately, on some level i believe it to be true. and the implication that i would intentionally hurt or even kill anyone like habit would...im sadly all too aware of the likelihood, really. it doesnt hurt because i feel bad, it hurts because i dont. however, i wasnt about to let this guy know that.

i say, "it's not like id be very social anyways. at this point, i dont think i could even stomach it."

jeff takes on a darker sort of air about him. "evidently so, based on how you treated evan. do you have your head screwed on straight, dude? because like, holy shit was that hard to watch."

i tense up, and i can feel a spark of anger rising from within me. guess it didnt matter what i tried to hide, jeff knew what weak points to hit.

"i was just trying to protect him." 

"uh huh," he nods, "sorry vinny, but you're not the guardian in this one."

"clearly," i grumble, "but i was fucking trying, okay?" i was trying. jeff thought otherwise.

"yeah, trying to get everyone killed. thanks for that one, by the way. you've been self absorbed, irresponsible, reckless and horrible to everyone around you that isn't the entity playing games with our lives, and you can't keep pretending it's not true! do some soul searching. meditate. i don't care. but you're not leaving any time soon, so you'd better get used to it." jeff jabs me in the chest with a pointed finger.

it didnt take but a moment to process jeffs words, and ultimately, i agree with him. im a terrible fucking person. i just am. but i wasnt going to give jeff the satisfaction of me fessing up to it - because i felt like all of this was beginning to become unproductive bullshit and i wanted to do what i came all the way out here to do dammit.

i go to smack jeffs hand away from me, but i come to find that i simply pass through him like he was air. i felt the jab, though, even if superficially. this confirms my suspicion about the ghost thing, but jeff was different from the ghosts in the town; like being able to talk and acknowledge my existence.

i take a step back, "we'll see about that. who the fuck made this wall, hm? you of all things must know right? since you are apparently a plethora of knowledge of good and evil now. can you do that much for me jeff?"

jeff considers my words before he turns away from me to face the terrible wall, his hands on his hips, and his head craning back to presumably observe the wall's endless climb into the sky above.

"habit designed this gaudy architecture as part of his grand scheme. you probably could have figured that much, eh? but what you wouldnt know is that its been here since the very beginning, before you even arrived at the house." he looks back at me, "come on vin. you should know by now that habit is well prepared...even if this timeline is bonkers. you shouldnt need me to tell you that."

i grumble in annoyance, but consider his words carefully. sure, maybe i didnt need him to tell me habit was a suspect in all this, and maybe i could have figured that out just by doing what i had originally planned with scouting the perimeter of the wall. but...here jeff was, telling me things outright. it was a convenient time saver really, even if he was going about it in a bitchy way. i needed to take advantage of this.

"so, if habit made this cage to keep me in, why shouldnt i try to break out? why shouldnt i try to fight his subjugation?"

"one, because habit has eons of experience over you and you'll likely fuck something up really badly," jeff says, and turns towards me again. "two, you're part of this place now. removing you would shatter a really delicate balance. the house is a place of fluctuation, because there's not enough power to sustain herself. and you're radiating power, dude. would you really just abandon her like that, after all she's done to keep you safe and alive?"

ouch again...ugh. i dont usually feel guilty over a lot of things, but jeffs second point seemed to get to me.

i relent. i cower my head to stare at the ground. "i wouldnt have left her forever."

jeff gives me a disappointed sigh. "go back home, man. she's really worried about you."

i bite my lip and give the slightest of nods. i still want to do what i can to escape, and i hadnt forgotten about why i came to the wall in the first place...but jeff's words had me thinking about my desires for the house. in truth, the house and i have formed a strange sort of...i dunno, friendship? its the closest human word i can think for it. i would talk to her, she would listen. id even clean up her rooms, even though ive observed that she can do it by herself.

i think she may be the only thing in this world that can understand me now.

so i feel like in some weird way, the house cares about me. she has done quite a few favors for me, after all; favors that kept me safer. jeff was right again, and i couldnt shake the wrongness of abandoning the house enough to continue talking my way out of this bind.

it was time to go then. but first, i look back up at jeff.

"what about you?" i ask, my mood seriously taking a nose dive off a cliff. sad and desperate and pathetic and lonely. "you came all this way from wherever, however you did it, to tell me all this...are you going to leave me now too, just like evan?" fuck. "i wouldn't blame you if you did...but i have to admit, it was nice seeing you again."

and truthfully, it was - despite the treatment i received. its fine. i deserved it.

jeff leans in, and i can feel the pity in his eyes as he puts a hand on my shoulder.

"that choice isn't mine to make."

and then he shoves me away from the wall with a force that sends me tumbling across the ground a good few feet. i think it fucked up my shoulder. its fine. deserved that too.

and then i went home.

>>

[j-ni733]

Break time...

Teleporting to another timeline was… disorientating at most. While everything looked familiar where Aaron’s feet took her, it just felt weird. Teleporting past guards. Seeing the sky. This place just felt so wrong. But she told herself that it’s fine. She made it to the princess’ room and stood in front of it feeling some type of dread heavy in her chest. Rubbing her face and covering her eyes, she was about to knock. Fate opened the door waving bye to the princess. He stop and sees Aaron. Aaron peaked through her fingers and waved sheepishly. Fate narrowed his eyes but greeted her friendly with his goofy-skeleton grin. Aaron just nodded and looked over at Frisk who was already looking her way. A silence fell before Fate coughed and said he’ll wait outside for Frisk.

Aaron stepped in and closed the door behind Fate, just looking at Frisk. It was odd. Aaron bowed out of habit, greeting the princess formally. Frisk got up, ran over to her, and hugged her tightly greeting her with a wavering voice. Aaron took the embrace and smiles slightly. The two pull apart, find smiles making their way into the ladies faces but that sinking feeling was starting to happen. Frisk gestured to her bed and Aaron shook her head on her bum too much, even she’s kinda sick in staying in one place. Frisk sat down on the bed toying with the blanket that was nicely covering the bed. She expected for Aaron to tell her what’s on her mind. She had all the lies and half truths to tell the female soldier but just had to wait it out.

The girl in green walked outside to the balcony and stared outside for a moment sighing softly not sure how to phrase all the questions in her head. “What did you do?” The female soldier said slowly, testing the words. Of course, Frisk knew a thing or two about Aaron when it comes to RESET. She would’ve known Aaron would remember, otherwise why would she come to her room or her timeline in the first place? Frisk stayed still and answered calmly. “I’m not sure what you mean,” Frisk said softly trying to get the soldier to avoid telling her. She looking at her hands as she was twiddling with her thumbs.

Aaron turned around looking away from the forest view and looked at the Frisk as her smile disappeared. “You didn’t tell me this would happen. You said it would be alright,” The princess felt a sharp guilt as Aaron made that statement. She did tell her everything will be alright. She did tell her everything will be fine. Nothing wrong is going to happen. She lied… everything is not going to be fine. But Reset was the only way to fix things… It’s something that can do something that no human nor monster can do. It was no use telling Aaron more lies. Frisk swallowed quietly and took a deep breath. “Sacrifices have to happen, you wanted your brother back and it you looked as if you were about to bury yourself under all the guilt”

“Did you reset here? Where’s Cyrus?” Aaron shot back, her hand balling into a fist. Frisk didn’t respond. She can’t let her know Cyrus ran away. After reading his letter, explaining how a coward he was and that he was scared to keep up his task, it broken Frisk’s heart hearing how hurt her dear brother is dealing.

“Tell me what did you do?” she took a step forward almost threateningly, “Tell me why you had to do it” Why? Why did she kill blank!Frisk? Why did she have their world start everything over? Will Aaron understand?

“No one’s happy when our timelines are involved together, Aaron. I think it’s best we keep separate,” Frisk said slowly and steadily. “You were happy with Asriel. Why didn’t you come back?” Aaron was starting to get irritated. The vague wording isn’t helping.

“Sacri-”

“Stop!” Aaron snapped, “Where is Cyrus?” Aaron was standing in front of Frisk. Frisk kept her head down staring at her own hands. “Please.” she said softly, “Tell me where he is… I have to know” her voice was pleading worried. To Aaron, Cyrus was like another little brother, another person she considers as a family. A silence hung over the two for a few moments. “Frisk tell me where he is!” Aaron snapped.

“I DON’T KNOW!” Frisk stood with a mix of anger and sadness expression. Her gaze was leveled with Aaron’s but she could not stand stone faced like the one before her, “I didn’t reset! I don’t know where my brother is! But I will not stay guilt knowing you are suffering the same as I,”

Aaron just stared at Frisk, “Why didn’t you reset?”. Frisk turned away from Aaron and faced the wall instead. “Because Cyrus might die if I do. I don’t know if you remember this, but his soul changes every time I reset...and he’s personality is changing along with it. His soul is complex like yours, Aaron, and I’m afraid this reset will do more harm than good to him. I don’t want to be the reason what’s changing him...”

Aaron gripped her own arm tightly. She felt her anger was building up but she kept herself calm. She counted in her head and sighed softly, “Have you at least been trying to search for him while I’ve been gone?” Frisk glanced to the side, “I’ve tried Aaron, really I have…. But Sans believes I shouldn’t personally seek him out”

“I’ll go look for him then. The skeleton won’t stop me from doing anything,” Aaron argued. Frisk looked at Aaron. She’s going to go find Cyrus? With who? Herself? She can’t...“You shouldn’t! You might get injured out there Aaron! There are things out there you don’t know. This is different from your place. This isn’t your problem, it is mine! Your life doesn’t belong in this timeline. You’re free at home, isn't that what you wanted? To see the real stars with your brother?”

“....He wanted to see it with his best friend also…” Aaron said quietly and narrowed her eyes sighing. “I don’t want to lie to Adrian anymore.... He remembers Cyrus, kinda, and it’s really sad watching him struggle,”

Frisk opened her eyes in surprise, ”Adrian remembers... Cyrus?” Aaron just nodded and rubs her face. Frisk gripped her hands to her chest. “Are you going to tell him...?”. There was silence, all Aaron could respond was cover her face with her hand. ”What am I going to do…” She was already tired. How did this all go this way…? Frisk hugged Aaron tightly, ”We’ll find him… I want to find him so badly as well, Aaron...” Aaron glanced at Frisk before wrapping her arms around her gently and pets her head like she would do to comfort Adrian.

“I promise, I’ll find him for you, Frisk. Even if I have to search this entire planet for him…”

Frisk’s eyes was shaking trying not cry. She hid her face on her shoulder hugging her tighter. She didn’t want Aaron to sacrifice her life to find Cyrus. What if she never came back? It was dangerous out there as Sans mentioned. We don’t know what’s out there. Although, she could always kill her other self again to reset...however, to be honest, she rather not. Killing Blank!Frisk had her sick to her stomach. It was like killing herself, yet she was the one to judge her own wrong actions. She really does want her brother back home safely, so she can have the courage to face him again, but she doesn’t want to let go of Aaron. To her, Aaron was like a mother. Frisk knows about her parents death and she misses her parents very much. Aaron was the only person she felt close to, like she could tell everything. Frisk closed her eyes and in her thought, the only word she could think of while holding onto the light of hope in her soul, wishing everything would be alright, was:  

“please…”  

written by @dragonlover1128 

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TBC: Where is he?

[rox-the-proxy]

No Words Needed

There isnt much of an excuse for this other then im multishipper trash and i actually had time to type this out today (Considering ive been sick and so busy lately.) so uh.....i hope you enjoy!

"Trust me, your going to look great! There isn't anyone better then old Iggy here when it comes to adjusting stuff like this!"

"Hardly. I only know a few things. Hardly anything worth making such a fanfare about."

Riku couldn't help but chuckle softly as he stood a few steps away, arms crossed over his chest as Vanitas stood awkwardly, nervously while a man with dirty blonde hair and glasses worked on sewing and adjusting the skirt around Vanitas' waist. The skirt was simple, it was one those ones with a solid black layer of smooth cloth under it with a semi-see through layer over it. It was short on the front it ended just above his kneecaps, while the back part of it was long and ended just above his ankles. He had brought Vanitas here to Traverse Town to mainly show him around, a sort of reward for doing as well as he had been during his recovery period. That and he wanted the boy to see the worlds in a different way then how he saw them so long ago.

And it was working! Vanitas was in awe at just how big this world actually was. Especially when they traveled to the more festive parts of the town. It was there did Riku allow himself to be pulled and dragged wherever it was Vanitas' wanted to go and look at. Which is how they ended up in this little thrift shop, Vanitas was going to run past it but came to a dead stop before pressing his face against the glass and stared at something. At first Riku was a little concerned, the raven didn't even flinch when he called his name, but when he reached out to put his hand on his shoulder, he found himself being dragged into store and right over to where the skirt was. He believed that Vanitas was going to ask him what it was but he was shocked when Vanitas pointed at it and looked up at him.

"I want this."

Riku was taken aback by the confident statement, his head was spinning. Typically...boys didn't wear skirts, or at least the annoying kind of boys who believed that boys shouldn't wear skirts thought that. He looked at the raven who seemed to be waiting for some kind of answer. At least Vanitas was a patient person, he could wait for hours for a response if not days. Riku sighed, rubbing the back of his head before smiling at him. "Let's try it on first, see if it fits." Riku swore he was blinded by just how brightly Vanitas had smiled the second he said for him to try it on. Which is how they found themselves in the current situation, the skirt was big on his slim frame and had spent a while looking for another one that might fit. Though Vanitas did an amazing job at not showing it; Riku knew he was a bit sad that it didn't fit him.

That's when a blonde haired employee of the shop had walked over, asking of they needed anything. And suddenly, Vanitas was a mute. He wasn't quite used to talking to other people, not like Riku spoke a whole bunch either but he did now that Vanitas was around and needed time to get used to this new life style. Riku had smiled at Vanitas' sudden shyness and had explained about the skirt, and sadly they didn't have any other ones, however the blonde haired male who went by Prompto said there was a easy fix to the problem. That's when they met Iggy, or ignis as that was his actual name. The man had easily accepted to helping them mend the skirt to the appropriate size. Which is how Vanitas found himself standing so awkwardly and nervously as Ignis worked on fixing the skirt.

"So, yeah that's what happened to our home world. We woke up here and decided to set up a shop. No sense in crying about it, you know?"

Riku nodded at Prompto's words. Yes he could definitely agree with that. After hearing about their home world and what they had gone through Riku admired their ability to keep pushing forward and staying as close as they were despite everything. He looked at Vanitas who seemed to be fixated on whatever Ignis was doing, he was a curious boy by nature, much like Sora. And he soaked up information like a sponge, Vanitas was a fast learner.

"So, what's his story?" The blonde asked, which got Riku to tense up instantly.

It's not that he didn't trust the other male, it's just that... Vanitas' story was complicated and it wasn't Riku's place to tell it either. Considering the other boy was so private about certain aspects and parts of past and himself in general. The silver haired male sighed heavily as he rubbed the back of his neck. "He's just....he's been through a lot. Didn't have any good things in his life. So I brought him to...to relax and enjoy the night. So when he said he wanted that...how could I say no?"

"Especially to him?"

"Especially to him." Riku said without missing a beat, which one eye noticed a crimson blush dusted his cheeks and that got a laugh from the taller male next to him. "I-i just- he deserves a good life now after what he's been though...a normal life."

Prompto nodded at his words as he watched Ignis stand up and walk around the raven, inspecting his work. "Yeah, I get ya. Ignis had one hell of a ride back on our home world. See those scars on his face? Those were from a powerful magic and half of the price he paid to use it to keep Noct safe."

"What was the other half of it?" Riku asked nervously, those burn scars on Ignis' face looked wicked, it had to be painful he was absolutely sure of it. When he looked at the blonde he was met with a bittersweet expression.

"His sight. He was blind before our world was swallowed up by the darkness. It was here that he somehow got it back."

At that Riku was shocked as he turned to look back at him and Vanitas. They seemed just about done and the golden eyed male looked absolutely thrilled, giddy even. When those honey gold eyes locked gazes with him, Riku couldn't fight back the fond smile he sent him, which got him a blush and a shy smile back. Vanitas was going to be the death of him, and Riku oddly enough didn't seem to mind that at all. He only laughed as he walked over with Prompto.

"Looks great! Told ya Iggy was good at this kind of thing."

"Again, hardly worth the fanfare." He responded with as he helped the raven step down from the small circle stage like platform he was on. "Does it feel alright? Not to tight I hope?"

"Nope, it's perfect, thank you."

Riku was shocked by how quickly, confidently and easily Vanitas had responded to the question. The other two seemed completely unfazed by this and only smiled at his words and nodded. It seemed they to had experience in dealing with someone who was a bit shy when it came to social interactions. Riku smiled as he tilted his head with the skirt, Vanitas wore a tight, sleeveless black shirt and he had on a purple and black plaided dress shirt over it. Though while ignis was doing the adjustments Riku was now holding onto the said dress shirt. Though, Riku was sure he didn't need it, the outfit looked really good without it. "It looks good on you, Van," he said, turning to face Prompto and Ignis now. "How much do i-"

"It's on the house, call it a gift for new friends." A new voice interrupted. Riku would never openly admit that he was startled, Prompto and Ignis moved aside so a black haired and blue eyed male could stand between them now. He looked completely relaxed, maybe a little to relaxed. But he pushed that thought for the moment to the back of his mind when a much bigger man walked in and stood behind the three. He felt himself tense up at the sight of him and okay he felt a bit bad for reaching behind him to grab Vanitas' wrist and tug him a bit closer. Though the blue eyed male laughed at this. "Don't worry about Gladio here, he looks big and scary but he's just fat-"

"Aye! Watch it you little-"

"Boys, no rough housing in the shop." Ignis scolded instantly. This got Prompto to laugh, and that's when it clicked to Riku so those were his friends, he and told him about them while they chatted away as Ignis got the skirt squared away. He relaxed, sliding his hand into Vanitas' for a moment, he squeezed his hands as if to make sure that the raven was indeed still there.

"Right, sorry. Natural reaction. I'm Riku, and this is Vanitas. Are you sure? I mean i can easily pay for it." The silver haired male explained, looking a bit worried about getting that skirt free of charge. He watched as Noctis chuckled and gave him a shrug, true to Prompto's word he was young maybe no older then twenty and a bit lazy.

"I'm sure you can, but I want you to take it. My shop after all. Not like giving away one thing is going to shut our business down," he said with a hand on his hip.

"No, but your lazy ass might," Gladio added in, which got him a shove from the prince.

Riku watched the interactions between the four, he couldn't help but think that maybe if he and Sora had never gotten the Keyblades would he, Kairi and Sora be like that? Spending each day together without some kind of worry they would be ripped apart from each other? It was a nice thought, but another part of him wouldn't trade away his past either. It was his actions that had allowed them to travel to other worlds, meet new friends and make bonds with people he never would have been able to make a bond with. He took that moment to look at Vanitas who was also watching the other four individuals info of them. Had things not happened the way they did, he wouldn't have ever met Vanitas. He smiled as he reached over, wrapping his arms around around the raven haired boy's shoulder and pulling him flush against his side.

He couldn't stop himself from pressing his face against the dark colored locks of hair and simply holding him for a moment. No, if anyone asked Riku if he would want to change anything he wouldn't. He was happy with what he had in his life now, yes he missed Sora greatly and wouldn't stop searching for him until he found him. But he was happy, he was a Keyblade Master, one who could harness the light and dark, he had Vanitas at his side and he couldn't be happier. He could feel the confusion radiating off of the smaller male he was holding and the stares from the other four. He felt more then saw Vanitas give a shrug as if he was answering a question. After a few long moments Riku finally pulled away and looked to the four.

"Thank you, for this i mean."

Noctis smiled nodding. "It's what friends do. You guys are welcomed to come back here anytime you like."

Riku smiled, nodding as he moved to walk out of the shop, but stopped when Vanitas pulled his hand away. He turned around and watched as the raven turned to face the group. He seemed nervous, as if he was having a hard time coming up with something to say to them. Riku couldn't help but smile as Vanitas fiddled with the hem of the skirt.

"I uh...I just wanted to say thank you." Vanitas said almost awkwardly, he sighed and looked up at the four. "Thank you for this, I...didn't really have anything of my own before coming here and I guess this is the first thing that I've picked out for myself that's well, for me. So thank you." Riku almost panicked when he saw Noctis lift his hand. But was surprised when all he did was ruffle Vanitas' dark colored locks gently.

The look he was giving the boy was one full of warmth, understanding and sympathy. It's like he knew what it was like having had everything I his life picked for him, which he guessed he did. After all he was a Prince, the King of Kings. Though he didn't have a horrible life like Vanitas did at the hands of Xehanort, but he knew what it was like to have things picked for him without so much as his own input. Riku sighed in relief at how calm Vanitas looked, even if it held undertone confusion at the sign of affection.

"Your welcome, Vanitas. Be safe, go enjoy the town." He said.

And with that, Vanitas smiled brightly, nodding before slipping his hand into Riku's and dragging him away from the store and down the street. They we're a good few blocks away before Vanitas came to a sudden halt. The skirt swaying gracefully with his movements as he turned to face Riku. He paused, before he stepped up to him, sliding his arms under Riku's and hugging him tightly. It wasn't often that Vanitas showed affection so easily, he liked to keep this kind of thing private and only around those they spent most of their time with. So Riku was taken aback by this hug but he easily wrapped his arms around the smaller male, squeezing him tightly.

"Do what do I owe this?" He asked, at first Vanitas didn't answer. He figured that the raven wasn't going to. He didn't need Vanitas to answer to know why he was hugging him, so the blue eyed male only laughed, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "There's nothing to thank me for you know,"

"Bull and you know it." At that Riku laughed loudly, picking the other boy up and spinning them, which got a yelp from the other. "Okay, okay I get it! Put me down!" When his feet touched the ground, Vanitas pulled away, holding his hand out to Riku who this time slipped his hand into his easily. "Hey...do you think that maybe we can-, well more if it's okay if I can-"

He was stopped when Riku placed his hand over his mouth. His eyes narrowed into a glare but when he spotted the fond look on Riku's face he couldn't help but let the glare fade. Slowly Riku removed his hand from over Vanitas' mouth and moved it so it rested on his cheek. A soft purr started coming from the golden eyed boy as he leaned into the touch when Riku started to stroke his thumb just under his eye.

"You can wear whatever you want, and buy whatever you want." He responded with, leaning down and kissing his forehead. "Come on, let's go see what other stuff we can find." He said, lacing their fingers together as they continued to walk down the streets.

By the end of the trip, Riku happily found Vanitas finally being able to bond and interact at least with Naminé as she helped him adjust any skirts he had gotten so they fit. And he didn't need words to know what Vanitas meant when he walked up to him, wearing another skirt and just barely brushing his fingers over his heart.

"I love you."

[theav0cadobaby]

Podcast Recs cause I'm listening to too many of them. I listened to most of these in a month.

WOLF 359:

I literally couldn't recommend this podcast enough it's a ride of excitement and stress; twists and turns that is a rollercoaster of an experience. Basically it's about this crew of three plus a friendly AI orbiting the dwarf star Wolf 359, it seems like a fun comedy until shit gets real.

This podcast has frequent stressful situations, a lot of violence, and a lot of near death experiences. It's hard to tag everything.

WE FIX SPACE JUNK:

This podcast so far is really interesting in world building and characters. It's about these two mechanics held in debt by this intergalactic corporation that go around and fix space junk.

This podcast has violence, body horror in one episode, and alien plagues.

KING FALLS AM:

This is kinda like a mix of Gravity Falls and Welcome to Night Vale. The show is told completely through radio broadcasts of the Sammy and Ben show. Though mysterious things (more mysterious than all of the other paranormal shenanigans) start happening and it's just... Great. All of the characters are wonderful and honestly hilarious, I really recommend this one it's sooooo good.

There are depictions of Gaslighting, violence, alien abductions, intense racism from one character though it's very clear that that character is a bad person and it is comedic, homophobia in later episodes, violence against sugar gliders specifically (no I'm not kidding), and one murderous elf on the shelf.

THE INFINITE NOW:

I honestly don't know what the hell goes on in this podcast but like it's pretty cool time stuff so like yeah. Its two hours tops to get through it.

This story is a bit trippy and I honestly barely remember it so I don't have much in the way of trigger warnings

JANUS DESCENDING:

This podcast is good technically I'd say but it's kinda thick if that makes sense. It feels like a chore to watch cause I don't care that much for the characters and they don't talk like normal people which is annoying. But it's still something I think is good. It's about these two scientists going to an alien planet and getting their shit fucked up thoroughly. It's genuinely terrifying at times.

There are trigger warnings in the show notes but this podcast has a lot body horror, violence, and is kinda fucked up sometimes.

TIDES:

Honestly this podcast is the next big thing in my opinion. I really liked the first season it's so interesting and it's like Janus Descending but a lot cooler and more interesting and funny. I'm really looking forward to it's next season! Basically this Xenobiologist (space animal scientist) is stranded on alien planet with intense tidal activity and the podcast is a mix of her complaining about her co-workers, surviving, and talking about the ecosystem. It's super interesting.

This podcast is kinda icky but I love it. There are depictions of small spaces and people who don't like water might not like this podcast.

EOS 10:

This is one of the big ones. It's about doctors, a cook, and an alleged space terrorist on this space station. It's really funny and I love the characters to death. The third season got a bit tricky though cause they kinda had to retcon a character out of the story cause they apparently fired his voice actor. And it gets like.... Super confusing. But still please watch it it's so good.

This story deals with alcoholism and drug addiction, along with violence, terrorism, grief, sexual interactions (though these are brief.) And medical stuff in general.

STAR TRIPPER!!!:

It's like We Fix Space Junk but 100x more positive (not saying that WFSJ is inferior, that's not true at all) and honestly it's like so sweet to watch. Things can get a bit unclear but that's okay. Also apparently the main character is nonbinary so that's great. It's about this fellow Feston who decides "fuck it" and fucks off away from their office job and goes to explore the universe with their ship (who I love btw, she's really nice)

There are occasional moments of violence and implications of sexual situations but overall it's pretty safe I think.

THE PENUMBRA PODCAST:

I haven't listened to the other storyline yet but basically it's about this private detective on mars. It's really gay like... REALLY GAY. This is the epitome of the "podcasts are really gay" posts. This podcast is what they're talking about. Aside from that is has a really interesting plot, stellar voice acting and great characters!

This podcast has depictions of violence, body horror at some point, guns (laser guns though) and abuse (there is a warning before those episodes however.

WELCOME TO NIGHTVALE

This is a genre defining podcast. All of the podcasts I just listed proably wouldn't exist without this and it's actually so good. It's fucking trippy, and it's so much fun. You can tell the creators put so much love and thought into the podcast and it's just amazing. Basically it's a radio show about this incredibly weird town. And if I have to explain it to you, that means you need to listen to it.

This podcast is very existential, and since it's just so weird and all over the place in what's weird it's hard to really tag anything, I apologise, plus it's been a while since I've listened to it.

THE ADVENTURE ZONE:

This podcast is so fucking good, you've probably already heard of it, and definitely of the producers, the McElroy family. It's these three brothers and their dad playing DnD (initially) together and I can't even describe it. But it literally made me cry so hard that I got a sinus infection.

There are depictions of violence, torture during the suffering game arc, there's an instance of bury your gays which I'm not gonna elaborate on cause of spoilers but don't worry about it. And sometimes some innuendos and sexual stuff ("hey thug what's your name I'm about to tentacle your dick" is an iconic line and a good example of that)

UNDER PRESSURE:

This podcast is about a philosophy student going to live in a underwater station and it's a lot of fun and the atmosphere of wet and uncomfortable is really excellently communicated. It's another really diverse podcast (which seems to be a trend with Procyon podcasts)

This podcast is not for people who like small spaces and deep ocean.

THE STRANGE CASE OF STARSHIP IRIS:

Maybe I'm just stupid or this one's hard to keep up on. Nevertheless I really liked the characters and it's just really fun. It's about this crew of ragtag smugglers trying to find out what's up with the former ship of their new crewmate. Featuring a lot of diversity (This is a Procyon podcast) and good voice acting.

BEAR BROOK

This is actually a true crime / nonfiction podcast about the Bear Brook murders. It's rather gory and disgusting at times but really interesting.

This podcast is not for the faint of heart though, it is a true crime podcast, and it does talk about the horrible things that a serial killer can do.

THE BRIGHT SESSIONS:

Basically therapy sessions for those with abnormal abilities. It's really good and the characters are actually so amazing. This podcast does a lot of interesting stuff that really interests me. I haven't finished it but I'm currently pretty far in. I think this podcast has the potential to actually help people with their problems.

This podcast has depictions of gaslighting, manipulation, panic attacks, mentions of torture and isolation, attempted kidnapping, actual kidnappings, depictions of war (this has trigger warnings though), and violence

TIME:BOMBS:

I'm actually sad that this is just a three part series. It's so much fun, and so good. It's by the same people who made Wolf 359 and it follows a bomb squad on New Year's Eve. Highly recommend it cause it's a really quick listen.

This podcast has bombs.

LORE:

This podcast deals with true crime and supernatural stuff and is presented in the classic podcast way. It's also really triggering cause of the true crime aspect but I seriously recommend this. It's genuinely really informative.

This podcast like Bear Brook is not for the faint of heart.

MYTHS AND LEGENDS:

This is a really interesting take on various legends it's a mix of storytelling in a very nonfictional sense that slips into dialogue that's rather interesting. I haven't listened to a lot of the episodes but it's good.

This podcast does discuss myths that were a product of their times so there are depictions and mentions of misogyny, rape and violence, even if I haven't listened to all of it.

MYTHUNDERSTOOD:

Has that same kinda switches in storytelling as Myths and Legends but a lot less coordinated and a lot funnier. Its a lot of fun to listen to the podcast and the hosts are really funny.

These also have the same tw as the podcast before this.

ALICE ISNT DEAD:

This is by one of the co-creators of WTNV it's about a trucker trying to find her lost wife. Ive only listened to the first part but it's really good and I highly recommend it. It's actually like amazing and really captivating. Also terrifying.

This podcast has depictions of intense violence, existentialism, and body horror. And probably more I haven't even finished it.

I'm sorry if I didn't include something in the trigger warnings about these podcasts, but I hope it helps. I've been listening to a lot of them and it's so much fun!

[ellusquirk]

hi, could i request a student matchup? im bi! im a bit of an airhead and tend to zone out easily, and my memory isnt the best either. im also socially awkward and introverted. however, i can be quite talkative with people im comfortable with, and i can get very passionate about the things i like (though theyre usually video games). i am either totally clammed up, or just cant shut up; there is no in between. [1/3] :3

ive been told that im always awkwardly smiling and that i sound monotone sometimes, though ive never noticed. i am constantly just Doing My Best, though it gets tiring. i like to think that im honest, and im ride or die for anyone who’ll have me. and, im an impulsive dumbass with two brain cells on a good day. im insecure about a lot of things about myself, but ive never really shared that outside of some (hopefully) unassuming self-deprecating jokes. [2/3] :3

im 5’ and a scorpio, and i have black hair, brown eyes and glasses, and a round chubby cheeks. i dabble in a lot of hobbies, like drawing, writing, and baking to name a few. however, i mostly like to stay inside and play video games (namely rpgs and splatoon) or knit, but i also love late-night walks. thank you! [3/3] :3

✎ Denki Kaminari

denki’s the one for you!

denki. loves. airheads. he loves it when you get distracted every three seconds and thinks its absolutely adorable. he’ll just sit and watch you as you bounce around the classroom from person to person, asking them a question and skipping off before they can even think of a response. sometimes it gets annoying when you zone out mid-way through a conversation, but the thinks its cute none the less and he loves the expression you pull whenever you just forget where you are and just go into yourself.

he thinks people who are socially awkward and introverted are adorable too. he doesn’t mind that you sometimes struggle in social situations and is more than willing to jump to your aid whenever you may need it. he lets you take your time warming up to him and never forces you into uncomfortable situations.

he also loves the fact that you can be a huge chatterbox when you want to be, and is quite happy to just sit there and listen to what you have to say. your voice makes his heart flutter and every time he hears it he can’t help but feel really happy and carefree. he’d talk with you all day if he could, and he loves the way your eyes light up whenever you talk about something you’re interested in, and how your voice gets ever so slightly higher with excitement.

one of his favourite things about you is your smile. he loves the fact that you’re always smiling and finds you awkward smile absolutely adorable. whenever you smile at him he swears his heart skips a beat and he can’t help but fall in love with you even more. when he’s sad he always asks you to smile for him and it instantly cheers him up when you do. he can’t help but smile back at you either, and he’d die for your smile.

he admires the fact that you’re always trying your absolute best and is incredibly proud of you for doing so! whenever you feel down or are struggling he’s always there to continue encouraging you to keep going and reminds you of your goal. he wants you to try your hardest at everything so that you can have a happy and carefree future and can be satisfied knowing that you gave everything your best bash.

he’s so so glad that you’re honest. a lot of people tend to sugarcoat things for him, so he knows that he can rely on you being completely honest with him. whenever he needs advice on how to tackle a situation he goes straight to you, because he knows that you’ll be able to help him find a way to overcome it in the best way and be honest about whether or not you can think he can do it.

he’s immensely grateful that you’re ride or die, because he is too. once he has his heart set on something he won’t let it go, and he certainly has his heart set on you. he’d do absolutely anything for you and is always willing to go 100% of the way with and for you. you can count on this man sticking around for life!

the fact that you’re as impulsive as him is fantastic. the two of you do a lot of impulsive, rather dumb shit together, but he loves it! he knows he can completely let himself go around you and won’t have that nagging voice in his ear telling him to be careful.

denki will constantly remind you of how gorgeous you are. he’ll point to every part of you and tell you why he loves it, and how in his eyes he’s never seen anything as perfect as it. he loves every aspect of you and whenever you feel insecure he’s quick to jump in and remind you of how amazing you are. he hates the self-deprecating jokes you make, so will try and make you stop them, because he hates it when anyone, especially you, talks badly about you. he loves your round chubby cheeks, your gorgeous black hair and warm brown eyes and he isn’t afraid to tell you that. he also thinks your glasses make you look really sexy.

“my fun-sized girlfriend”

he’s so happy that you love video games, because he does too! he loves the day where the two of you just sit inside playing video games, wrapped up in each other’s arms and buried under blankets. you two like to play through games together so you can experience it at the same time, and if the other ever looks up spoilers its a worse sin than watching more episodes of the show when your s/o isn’t there.

he wears every single item of clothing you knit for him, and is definitely the designated taste-tester of your baked goods. if you’ll let him he’ll happily read your writing, and loves hanging your drawings up all around the house. he praises literally everything you do and worships the ground you walk on.

denki’s fine with whatever kind of date you want to go on. stay at home and cuddle all night and order take out? perfect. long, romantic night walk where he twirls you around and dips you to kiss you? just as good. you make all the calls, he’s happy to do anything.

most importantly denki supports you with absolutely everything! he loves you so so much and will always be there for you. the two of you will always be able to have fun with each other and are each other’s rocks.

written on 28/04/19. requests: open. match ups: open.

PLEASE NOTE THAT THESE MATCH-UPS ARE JUST FOR FUN AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE THEM I’M SORRY! I TRY MY BEST AND PICK SOMEONE BASED ON WHAT I THINK AND IF YOU DON’T AGREE THAT’S FINE BUT NO HATE PLS

[nastyboyluke]

late night video chats - lrh

anon asked: Here’s an imagine idea.. a girl and Luke are on FaceTime and they pull an all nighter doing crazy , fun and cute stuff and confess that they have feelings for each other (they’re still not in a relationship)

tHIS IS SUCH A CUTE IDEA MA HART <3333 HOPE YOU ENJOY LOVE XX ps there is so much ed sheeran going on in this imagine because i was listening to + writing it. it was very emo and fluffy night rip

it was a normal saturday evening, you were laying on your bed, listening to music while going on twitter to chat up on tea going on in the world. as you were looking at a thread of vines, a notification popped up at the top of your phone.

as your eyes scanned, it was a message from your best friend luke. the two of you have been friends since your first day of uni, in whole new land you’ve never been—australia.

cheese toastie 💛: y/n!!!

you smiled, tapping on the notification, opening fully to imessage

‘yesss :-)’

cheese toastie 💛: im so bored and i dont feel like sleeping tonight idk why but you wanna face time all night?

a giggle left your lips as you read the message at his silly excuse to talk to you. although you were friends with luke, your feelings couldnt help but further into stronger feelings for the blue eyed aussie.

‘sure let me get my laptop and ill call you when im ready lol’

cheese toastie 💛: ill be waiting <3

little things like luke simple sending a heart would make your heart flutter with happiness. but deep down you knew luke didn’t see that way. he did it in a friendly way. in fact, he even told you he had a major crush on girl but he’s not sure whether or not he should tell her how he felt because he didn’t want to possibly ruin the friendship they have now.

it hurt that you knew luke had eyes on someone else, but you were happy for him none the less.

once you got your laptop ready to go hooked up to a charger, you opened up facetime, clicking on lukes contact. it only took a second for him to answer. next thing you knew you were looking at his little button nose and blue eyes.

“hello?” his mouth was obviously very close to the mic because it boomed through your laptops speakers.

you laughed loudly at how silly he was. “hey weirdo.” you continued to giggle. luke pulled the camera back, so you could see him fully. he rested his phone on whatever it was, checking that it wouldnt fall.

you were 99.9% sure luke was looking at himself in the corner as he was checking his hair before clearing his throat and waving at you.

“are you done checking yourself out lucas?” you asked, grabbing a pillow to hug in your arms.

“dont act you were watching, y/n” he rolled his eyes. luke had pulled a tub of ice cream into frame with a big spoon. “welcome to my muckbang! wait, muckabang or mookbong? im so confused with how you pronounce it.”

“i think its pronounced mookbang. im pretty sure.” you shrugged, watching him spoon some ice cream into his mouth.

“weird. anyways, hows your day?” luke smiled, tilting to the side like a puppy.

“im okay. can i copy your notes by the way for music theory?” you asked, cuddling your pillow. luke looked so cute, he had messy hair with small bags under his eyes with his unshaven face and a pink floyd shirt that feels he practically lives in.

“oops, kinda forgot to do that too. it’s okay we can get starbucks and do it together then.” he shrugged, shoving more ice cream into his mouth. oh did you forget, that his lipring? yeah thats super hot.

for a while, you and luke talked about school, and what was coming—mainly exams which none of you weren’t looking for—until you were just watching him to continue to eat ice cream.

“y/n?”

“yes?”

luke was about to get serious, you sensed it. because he sat his ice cream aside and was sitting up now in his seat. “you know that girl i told you about?”

“yeah, but why wont you just tell me her name rather then just calling her ‘the girl?’” you pouted, folding your arms across your chest.

“because… you know her and like—i dont know—i just dont want to!” luke was now pouting making you giggle.

“oh my god—its zoe isnt it?! or ashley?!” you gasped.

“no! its none of them! ANYWAYS,” he sighed, luke began to fiddle around with his lip ring. aw, he was getting so nervous talking about her. “i think im gonna finally tell her. like really, really soon.”

a smile went across your lips, although you were sad on the inside, you still gotta cheer your best friend on. “really?! wait oh my god you should do it now! i wanna see this go own live.”

“maybe later. i dunno.” he shrugged, his cheeks were pink. luke grabbed his ice cream again. “its time for a dance party nowwwwww.” he got up from his seat, coming back with his laptop. he began to play shape of you by ed sheeran, dancing in your seat.

the both of you were singing along to the years, bopping along to the song. although your music tastes were very different, one thing you and luke will always agree was on ed sheeran. in fact, the two of you even went to see him concert a few months back and you had the time of the life.

luke at this point was up on his couch, swaying his hips and screaming the lyrics. you laughed so hard that your ribs began to hurt. the sugar in the ice cream was definetly kicking into his system.

this continued for another two hours, making it already midnight. after laughing so much at how stupid luke had been, your stomach pratically hurt. finally the boy settled down, grabbing a blanket, wrapping it around him.

“i wish we could cuddle right now, its fuckin cold in my apartment.” he groaned, lowering his music so you could hear him.

“ha its the perfect temperature in my place.” you stuck your tongue out at the camera. the blue eyed boy simply just rolled his eyes and continued to groan.

“luke can you sing me my favorite song?” you asked, giving him a big smile. “pleaseeeee?”

“why should i?” luke asked, already grabbing his guitar and a pick off his coffee table, checking if it was in tune.

“because youre my fwend.” you said in your baby voice making him giggle a little bit.

“okay only because you’re my best fwend.”

lukes calloused fingers began to pluck at the strings to create the tune of lego house by ed sheerans. lukes strong yet soft voice belted out the beautiful words of ed, making your heart swell. you watched the boy quickly get deep into the song and his feelings, keeping his eyes shut majority of time. however, when luke did open his eyes, he looked at you.

just as luke got deep into the song, you did too. so much at tears streamed down your cheeks.

“and its a dark cold decemeber, but ive got you keep me warm

if youre broken, ill mend you

and keep you sheltered from the storm thats raging now.”

he sang the last part, opening his beautiful crystal eyes, looking at you wide eyed.

“are you crying? im sorry! i didnt mean to!” he began to panic, luke hated to see you cry.

“you’re just that good of a singer luke,” you laughed, wiping your tears. “you make me cry.”

he gave you a little smile, putting his guitar aside. luke picked up his phone, walking somewhere, then was now laying down in his bed. you sniffled, wiping your eyes as you watched his sleepy face.

“can i tell you a secret?” the boy asked softly. you nodded for him to proceed with what he wanted to say. “the girl that i’ve been telling you about, well, it’s you. you’re the girl.” once luke said those words, a small giggle left his lips. he searched your face through the screen to see how you felt, but he wasn’t sure.

you however, sat there in shock. “you—you like me?” you stuttered looking, going wide eyed now.

“yes, y/n, i like you—like a lot.” luke was smiling big, running his finger through his hair.

“oh my god.” you laughed out loud to the ceiling. “you’re not joking right?”

luke laughed now. “no im not! why would i joke about that with you!”

you smiled back at him, tugging at your bottom lip with your teeth. “i like you too luke. i thought never in a million years that you would have feelings for me back.”

“well i do.” he stuck his tongue out at you. “i wish i could—kiss you.” once those words left his lips, luke’s cheek went pink.

“then come over and make it a reality.”

-

next thing you knew, you were running to the door once luke texted you that he was here. when you swung the door open, you looked at him. the blue eyed boy took a step forward, grabbing your face as your arms went around his waist.

“i’ve been dreaming about this moment forever.” you whispered. luke let out a gentle laugh before connecting your lips with his.

[juju-on-that-yeet]

> SHOOT RIGHT > NO

In my defense, the good ending isnt done yet ;w;

This is the bad end in which Dark stays dead forever and the other egos have to cope. Be warned that theres some pretty messed-up stuff in here. I added new tags on AO3, Take a look at those before you read if youre worried.

Tag list: @spookyscarydarky @alliedoesstuff

Happy reading?

> NO

“Well?” Chrome asks.

Dr. Iplier shakes his head.

“He’s not going to come back,” he says, somber and quiet, “It’s been weeks, and the bullet wound is the same as it was when he first got shot. If he was going to heal, there’d be some progress by now.”

Chrome’s eyebrows knit together. He was never Dark’s biggest fan, but Dark is still one of them, not to mention the leader of them all. Chrome is young, he’s never seen a figment die like this before.

“What happens now?” he asks.

“I…” Dr. Iplier shudders. “I have to tell the others. I have to tell everyone.” He begins to pace as it sinks in. “Dark’s dead, the others have to know. Wilford…fuck, Wilford might kill someone. He might kill me. Someone has to watch Yan…”

“I can watch him,” Chrome says, “And I can put out an alert for a meeting.”

Dr. Iplier pauses, surprised to hear the most crochety of the Googles offer help.

“Yes, please do, thank you,” he replies. He sighs. “This is bad. This is really bad.”

Chrome nods as he sends a mental ping to his brothers, letting them know that a group meeting is to be called.

Dr. Iplier leaves the clinic, still muttering.

Yandere sleeps a dreamless sleep.

Yandere misses the meeting, which is for the best. Dr. Iplier relays the news, and despite how uncertain they all were to begin with, they can’t help but be shocked. Wilford takes the news especially poorly, putting a dozen new holes in the conference room. It takes all three attending Googles to restrain him, but by some miracle no one is shot. It takes quite a long time for the meeting to calm down, and Dr. Iplier is beyond drained by the end of it.

When he walks back to the clinic to see if Yandere has woken up yet, he finds him sobbing into Chrome’s chest. Chrome, meanwhile, holds Yandere with a pained expression that he doesn’t bother disguising when he turns to Dr. Iplier. The doctor bites his lip as he walks over.

“Oh, kid,” he says softly, sitting down beside Yandere and Chrome. He lays a gentle hand on Yandere’s shoulder, and feels it shake as he cries. “I…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry—”

“Don’t…don’t say it,” Yandere chokes out through his sobs, “P-please don’t say it.”

Dr. Iplier’s mouth snaps shut. It’s in his nature as a figment to say what he’s about to say, so doesn’t let himself say anything at all. Chrome is silent, too, and the pair comfort Yandere as best they can.

Several days go by as Yandere cries almost nonstop, curled up in a clinic bed with half a dozen IVs in his arm. He starts to recover despite himself under Dr. Iplier’s care, and Chrome is practically glued to his side the entire time. Dr. Iplier and Chrome both know that Wilford is always the best at comforting Yandere, but they also know that they can’t go to him for help right now, not when the man is barely himself.

Since the meeting, Wilford has become more erratic than ever. He paces, mutters, twitches, and doesn’t respond when others try to talk to him. Before long he ends up in Dark’s room, taking Yandere’s place there. But instead of cuddling Dark and talking to him quietly, Wilford rages. He screams at Dark so loud the whole building can hear, curses him for doing this, for dying on him again, or else he laughs, letting out peals of deranged hysterical laughter because surely it’s another joke, isn’t it? It has to be another joke, Dr. Iplier is in it, and it certainly was a fine prank, but it’s gone on too long, it’s not funny anymore, quit joking around and wake up Dark it’s not funny wake up come back not again not again not again not again it’s been ten hours it’s been so much more than ten hours Dark you asshole you self-absorbed bastard don’t you fucking do this to me–

As angry as he gets, somehow he always stops short of violence towards Dark. He’ll punch the wall or fire into the ceiling, but he never touches Dark. Anyone who enters the room to talk sense into him is fair game, however, so the other egos mostly leave him alone.

Eventually, though, Wilford and Yandere both calm down, and the other egos decide it’s finally time to bury Dark before either of them get too upset again.

When Dr. Iplier leaves that meeting and enters the clinic, this time he finds Yandere laying in his hospital bed, staring at the ceiling with tired, half-lidded eyes. Chrome is sitting nearby, silently watching as per usual.

“Hey, Yan,” the doctor begins as he approaches Yandere’s bedside, “How are you feeling?”

Yandere says nothing. He doesn’t even look at Dr. Iplier.

“Look, Yandere, we’re having the funeral tomorrow,” he says, knowing he doesn’t have to – and shouldn’t – clarify for whom, “Do you want to be there?”

There’s a long pause as Yandere closes his eyes. When he opens them, his blank expression remains unchanged.

“Of course,” he says, voice flat and monotone and so unlike Yandere that it hurts Dr. Iplier to hear.

The funeral happens with every ego in attendance but Wilford, who couldn’t bear to see his oldest friend go under the ground. It’s somber and mostly quiet, though the most sensitive among them can’t help but cry.

All but Yandere.

Throughout the entire sad ceremony, Yandere’s expression remains blank. His eyes are glazed and half-lidded, but they stay dry. His lips are a straight line, never turning even slightly up or down. His steps are measured and quiet, his arms at his sides, body language stiff. He doesn’t shed a single tear, doesn’t say a single word, doesn’t give Dark any last touch before he’s buried. He’s since healed up from his time spent not eating or sleeping, but he still looks like a ghost as he stands among the other egos, silent and nearly still. He stares at the ground where Dark is buried, remaining there even as the others leave. For nearly an hour he stays there.

Mourning.

Brooding.

Plotting.

Mark already knows what’s going on. He was shocked to hear of Dark’s death, and despite how much he and Dark hated each other, he still expressed sorrowful and guilt-stricken apologies to the other egos when he was told about it. Yandere doesn’t doubt Mark’s sincerity, but sincerity cannot raise the dead, nor can it make up for what death takes. An apology isn’t good enough. There needs to be something more.

Consolation.

Reparation.

Revenge.

And Yandere knows just how to get it.

The other egos, by now, are used to him leaving Ego Inc. and traveling through Los Angeles to have fun or let off steam. So no one thinks anything of it when he slinks away from Dark’s grave and disappears into the city.

Mark takes a moment to sit back and stretch for as he edits a video. He’s been at it for only an hour, but already he finds himself getting distracted by his thoughts as he works. Perhaps it’s because he’s editing footage of himself playing a horror game, but he can’t help thinking about Darkiplier.

It’s stunning to know that he’s dead. That something as simple as a Valentine’s video, intended to be goofy and lighthearted and a treat for the fans, was the thing that did it. It’s almost poetic; videos brought Dark into the world, and a video took him out of it. It’s sad, too. Mark didn’t like Dark, still doesn’t like him now that he’s gone, but he can’t help but feel a strange sort of sorrow. Maybe the fans were the ones who created him originally, but they only made him because Mark gave them the idea. In a way, Mark made him, and he hadn’t meant to cause his death. His friends have already told him it wasn’t his fault and that no one could’ve predicted this outcome, and objectively Mark knows it’s true, but he can’t help but feel responsible. It had been Dr. Iplier who told him, and Mark could hear in his voice how serious the situation is. Dark had led all the egos, who’s going to do that now? Mark’s first thought is Wilford, but having created him, he can’t imagine him as a very effective leader. So who, then? Mark doesn’t know. He suspects Dr. Iplier doesn’t know either. The entire future of the egos is up in the air, all because of a video that, by all accounts, should’ve made Dark stronger.

He sighs to himself, shakes his head to clear his thoughts, and decides to go back to editing. He slips his headphones back on, but before he can unpause the footage he was looking at, he hears Chica running through the hall, hears her claws scrabbling on the hardwood. He takes his headphones off again, wondering if she might need to go out. Chica makes a deep sound, somewhere between a bark and a woof, and beneath it, Mark hears a door opening.

Wait, that can’t be right. He’s the only one in the house aside from Chica. He isn’t expecting any visitors, and even if he was, they wouldn’t be able to just come inside. This is Los Angeles; Mark can’t afford to leave his front door unlocked, and he never does.

He stands from his chair, walking to the door of the recording room he’s in and pressing an ear against it, trying to listen to whatever’s happening in the house more clearly. He knows he could hear better if he just opened the door, but he’s too nervous to. Chica continues to bark, sharper now, in a way that suggests whatever’s she’s seeing is unfamiliar to her.

Mark’s heart stops when, between Chica’s barks, he hears a voice telling her to hush.

He pulls away from the door and instinctively puts a hand over his mouth, hoping whoever’s here – whoever’s invaded his home – doesn’t know he’s here. Hoping whoever’s here isn’t out for blood. The kitchen is within sight of the front entrance, his wallet’s on the counter there. It’d be a hassle to cancel and replace his cards, but the best-case scenario in his mind is whoever’s here snatching his wallet and leaving as quickly as they came. Mark hopes they don’t hurt Chica, who continues to bark and growl.

Until she stops.

Mark feels ice freezing his veins. Why did she stop barking? He can hear the person walking around still, no longer telling Chica to be quiet. Emotion rises in Mark’s throat. Is Chica hurt? Did this person break into his house and hurt his dog? Or worse? Terror grabs hold of Mark’s heart, but he stays where he is, frozen in his recording room. He wants to go out and confront this son of a bitch, find out if Chica is alright, but he has no idea what he’d do if the other person started a fight. What if they’re armed? Mark hasn’t heard a gun go off, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have one. Or a knife, or a bat, or anything that could’ve silenced Chica quietly.

That thought makes Mark whimper from behind his hand, but he doesn’t move. He feels like a coward as he listens to whoever is in his house walk around a little more before the front door shuts.

Then, all is quiet.

Mark waits, silently counts to ten, before throwing open the door and running down the hall, rushing to the kitchen. He finds Chica laying on the floor, chewing something between her paws, blood spotting her neck and back.

“Chica!” Mark cries as he reaches her. He pats Chica all over, looking for injuries, not caring about getting blood on his hands.

But he finds nothing. Not a scratch. Chica looks at Mark blithely, tongue hanging out of her mouth, as though nothing is amiss at all. Mark finally looks at what she’s holding in her paws: A bone, rather like the rawhide ones he’s given her in the past, long and already pocked with Chica’s teeth marks on one end. Mark has never seen it before. Is that how the intruder got Chica to stop barking?

“No, no, you can’t have that, you don’t know where it’s been,” Mark says as he pulls the bone from between her paws. He chucks the bone in the trash and washes his hands, getting the blood from Chica’s fur off them. It occurs to him that if Chica is fine, then the blood wasn’t hers. Did Chica bite the intruder? He looks back at her. There’s a bit of red in her teeth and lips, but most of it is around her neck and on her back. It doesn’t add up, not to mention he’s never known Chica to bite before. He finishes washing his hands, drying them off on a dish towel before walking back to her.

“What the hell happened?” he asks, exhaling. The fear is wearing off, leaving Mark exhausted, not to mention confused. He peers at Chica as if he’s expecting her to answer him. In a way, she does, because it’s then that Mark sees something white at Chica’s neck, near the blood. Paper? He takes it, avoiding the blood (he’s wary of it now that he’s no longer worried for Chica), and finds a note tied on a string around Chica’s neck. It’s loose enough for him to simply tug over her head, and he does, looking at the bloodstained string and paper note now in his hands. He unfolds the note and finds a message written in black ink, letters scraggly, splotches of scribbled ink covering errors. He reads it:

Mark,

           If Yami taught me anything, it’s how to take revenge. I already know I can’t kill you: Without you, the channel dies and so do the others. But I can make you wish you were dead.

           You can see I left a present for Chica, and I left one for you, too. Check your doorstep.

Sayonara,

Yandereplier

Oh.

Oh no.

Mark thinks of the bone he took from Chica, the bone sitting in his kitchen trashcan, and feels sick.

He supposes he has no choice. He gets up on suddenly shaky legs and moves to the front door, letting the note fall out of his hand and flutter to the ground. Chica follows suit, padding after Mark nonchalantly. When he reaches the front door, he takes a deep breath, then grabs the doorknob and turns it before he can change his mind.

On the doorstep, partly covering the welcome mat, is a cardboard box. Chica sniffs it intently, but Mark pushes her away from it, ushering her back inside. He closes the door behind him, making sure not to lock himself out. He turns back to the box, and right as he does, takes in a breath through his nose. He reels, gags, almost pukes from the awful smell he catches coming from the box. He starts to tremble, as afraid as he was when Yandere was in his house, maybe more. He takes in a shuddering breath through his mouth, exhaling in a nervous sigh. He thinks again of that bone, and of the blood in Chica’s fur. He closes his eyes, willing the bile in his throat to settle back into his stomach. But Mark knows he can’t stand out her forever. For better or worse, he has to open that box. He bends down, takes the cardboard flaps, and pulls the box open.

Mark screams.

Resting inside the box is Amy’s severed head.

Her once-pretty face is frozen in an expression of horror and agony. Her once-beautiful brown eyes are wide open and glassy. Her mouth is twisted in a grimace. Her dark hair is splayed around her head. The ragged stump of her neck is just barely visible. Blood coats the bottom of the box, reaching out in a pool from her neck, staining parts of her deadly pale skin, slicking up the ends of her hair, stinking up the air.

Mark wails, howling with grief and fighting the urge to vomit, kneeling and sobbing on his doorstep as Chica whines from behind the front door.

The egos don’t find out until hours have passed, and Mark is still a wreck when he thinks to call Ego Inc.’s landline, screaming into the phone as soon as Google picks up. He’s so distraught he’s incomprehensible, and Google has to get Dr. Iplier to calm him over the phone, to get him to breathe and explain himself. Once he does, Google and Dr. Iplier can’t hide the horror they feel.

“Google, do you know when Yandere came back?” Dr. Iplier asks, voice wavering.

“Four hours and seventeen minutes ago,” Google answers, eyes wide as he forces out his typical monotone, “He was covered in blood, but that’s typical for him, I didn’t think anything of it…”

“We have to find him, make sure he’s still here,” Dr. Iplier says, beginning to pace, “Now that he’s done this there’s nothing he won’t do, the rest of Mark’s friends could be in danger.”

“I have sent out an alert to my brothers,” Google says, “They can put out an announcement and tell the others.”

Dr. Iplier nods before leaving to search for Yandere, Google going in a different direction to do the same.

Before long, the doctor runs into Chrome, looking around the building with a deeply worried expression, and they both run into Wilford, stumbling through the halls much more leisurely.

“He’s fine, of course he’s fine,” Wilford laughs, “He has to fine.”

Dr. Iplier and Chrome say nothing.

The three head to Yandere’s bedroom. If Yandere is there, then there’s no one else but then who he’d allow inside. But when they reach the door, they find a piece of paper taped there. The message is messy, blobs of ink covering unreadable, half-formed kanjis. The only parts readable are in romaji:

Watakushi wa kare nashi de wa ikiraremasen.

Suggoku gomen ne.

-Yan

Chrome’s eyes flash as he translates the words. His expression twists with pain, but before Dr. Iplier can ask what the message means, Chrome is breaking down the door.

They’re too late. Yandere lays on the ground, facing away from the door, curled around his katana and surrounded by a pool of blood.

Chrome curses, punches a hole into the wall. Dr. Iplier crumples where he stands. Wilford’s eyes widen even as he grins a tight-mouthed grin.

“We’re figments,” Wilford laughs, “He’ll be fine.”

“Wil…” Dr. Iplier manages as he begins to cry.

“He can’t be dead, he’s just…” Wilford takes a breath in, still grinning with shining eyes, “He’s pulling one over on us. Just like Dark. Ol’ Darky was too stubborn to admit it, but Yan is…Yan’s just pulling a prank. A joke. It’s a joke.” He barks out a laugh that sounds more like a sob. “It’s a joke. He’ll come back. He’s fine.”

“Wil, h-he’s not like you,” Dr. Iplier says, voice shaky and quiet, “He’s n-not popular like y-you are, and he…” He shudders. “He w-wanted to die, and putting th-those together…he w-won’t…”

“C’mon, Doc, he…” Wilford starts, grin faltering as his mind tries to make sense of the doctor’s words. “Chrome?” He turns to the android to back him up, but Chrome is facing the wall where he punched it, shoulders shaking. “No, that’s not right…Yan…” He stumbles forward and kneels next to Yandere, practically falling, cold blood sinking into the knees of his pants. “Yan, quit fooling around. Dark already made this joke, it’s not as funny the second time…” He swallows thickly as Yandere remains still. “Yan, kid, you can’t…you…” He grins again, more forced this time, as tears roll down his face. “Dark’s gone already, you wouldn’t leave me alone, would you? You wouldn’t leave your onii-san, right? Yan, c’mon, I know you, you wouldn’t…” His mouth turns down suddenly as he finds awful clarity in the fog of mania. “Yan, kid, otouto, please don’t leave me alone…”

Before long Wilford breaks down, crying along with Chrome and Dr. Iplier, and there they remain until the other egos find them.

Later, Chrome will destroy everything in his room and scream until his voice processor gives out, trying to purge the grief from his circuitry.

Tomorrow, Wilford will be pulled away from Yandere’s body, sobbing and laughing but letting himself be dragged out of Yandere’s bedroom.

Forever, Dr. Iplier will have regret eating him from the inside, making him wish he could’ve prevented this, all of this, making him wish he could go back to before that damn video and stop all this misery and death before it happened.

But for now, the Host sits in his library, shudders, and sighs.

“Sadistic, aren’t you?” he says to no one, voice cold and bitter. “The Host hopes you’re happy.”

> TRY AGAIN?

[biteitwhenitssoft]

If you don’t mind me asking- what even is the Voltron discourse??? I like to think I’m somewhat in the fandom but like I don’t ever really stumble across it.

theres lots of different discourse! i think a lot of it has to do with shipping (ofc) but to be fair im also not really in the fandom either i just watch the show and i try to stay away from everything, so i dont know a whole lot about the discourse either but ill list what ive seen. (no sources cuz i dont save links to that garbage)

under a cut cuz it got kinda long

if you dont care too much about minor things you can just read the bolded part but read the last two cuz theyre the worst. these first two are minor things that were only really unpleasant cuz the people involved are usually unpleasant. but a lot of the stuff in them is normal fandom stuff. the last two explain why theyre unpleasant tho.

if the show is good or not: so voltron created a LOT of hype when it first came out. it looked like a fun reboot with nice animation! im pretty sure it has the same team as the people who made last airbender and korra (or at least theyre reaaaaally similar) so people were very excited about the show. problem is the show is honestly just a really simple kids show (its made by dreamworks) and there isnt a whole ton of substance to it. theres a general plot, some fun fighting scenes, some funny scenes, regular stuff. the fans though were so excited for it they kinda. fabricated a LOT of content? for the show? cuz fact is the show was missing a lot of content so the fans just made it all up to have fun with it, the fandom made half the voltron lore and relationhips tbh cuz there just isnt a lot of it in the show. my opinion is that voltron isnt necessarily straight out bad, but its definitely missing a lot of substance. there was one funny post someone made saying voltron was like this new coffee shop that opened up that everyone loved and told you to try but you go and they just serve plain toast and thats it but everyone else brought their own jelly from home. that describes it perfectly. i think jokes like are funny and true, and like, i figured all of that from the beginning? the fact that they mentioned but never showed the imfamous bonding moment between keith and lance and yet the fandom went WILD with it was a good tip off on how this was all gonna go. other people only recently accepted that voltron might not actually be very good though and posts about that started showing up. i didnt see too much fighting though so that wasnt as bad, just kinda annoying imo (i still watch it and enjoy it, i just also know it lacks a lot of key stuff)

how the characters are handled: ive seen a couple of things here and there about the characters. first thing i some passive aggressive comments and edits of allura where she has more african features. fair enough as shes voiced by a black woman (kimberly brooks) and has dark skin, it would be nice if she looked like that- though i dont think her current look is a crime. theres also stuff about fanon lance and canon hunk. fanon cant quite agree on how to interpret lance, some people make him all goofy, maybe stupid? maybe aggressive? something, and other people make him all sads serious, the funny is just a coverup for his true self or whatever. theres just a lot of generally different points of view on who he his and how he acts and thinks. i dont think there have been bad fights over it though? then theres people being disappointed in how canon treats hunk. in the first season fans were given high hopes that hunk, a fat character, wouldnt be reduced to typical fat character tropes since hes smart and did some cool ass stuff in the first season! as the show went on however, they just kept doing hunk worse and worse and he really fell into the foodie trope, so much so it was just kinda depressing. there were some people trying to defend this saying people should accept that as part of his character and just cuz he falls into the foodie trope doesnt mean he isnt smart or that his only character trait has to do with food and shit, but then there were people saying that regardless of that truth, the show failed to show it and simply treated their character badly. luckily hunk was saved a bit in the last season :’)

and now,

character ages: there werent official ages for the characters when the show took off so people went ape with shipping and then some ages or age ranges were revealed i think and the fandom divided in half when it came to shipping shiro and the other paladins together (shaladin ships.) shiro is some sort of official adult age like 20s or something and i think hunk lance and keith were like, higher teens? 17-18 or something? and pidge is younger like 15 or whatever i dont know, but yeah so half the fans wanted to keep shipping shaladin and half the fans thought it was gross and i can see why there would be a divide sure but the fighting got really volatile??? the people on each side were so violent and ready to wage war if you even slightly disagreed with them, and of fucking course the pedophilia accusations were everywhere and it was pretty chaotic. people were VERY vehement in that if you didnt physically recoil in disgust at the thought of shaladin, you were a pedophile, and the people who did like it were constantly up in arms defending themselves with EVERYTHING be it age disputes or the whole “its fictional” thing, and for a big while anyone who remotely didnt like shaladin ships were called antis and i just used to see a lot of posts about antis before i unfollowed people and they were…. very aggressive. i personally dont like shaladin ships and blacklist it from my dash but like, thats just me, i dont take part in the fighting. 

the threats: while every fandom will have disagreements and some discourse, the voltron fandom was just fucking FULL of people who loved to take things too far. fans started harassing the creators and the voice actors, badgering them about ships and shit, and literally threatening them to make their ships canon. mostly over twitter. im pretty sure some girl threatened a voice actor that she would kill herself if klance didnt become canon? like what the fuck? anyway yeah, since the voltron team was so connected to the fans over twitter, a lot of them acted so inappropriately to them and acted like they owned the show and they were entailed to telling the creators what to do and how to make the show. this was just. the worst thing id ever seen and the fandom was full of people doing that kind of stuff. so yeah.

thats what i remember but luckily ive been removed from the fandom for a while so it might not all be accurate or up to date or whatever but this is my take.