#i live for angst asdfghjkl

[m-musings]

okokokok, i LOVE how you wrote the overwatch boys, and I have a kind of long-winded request for Cassidy, Hanzo, Genji, and (if you write for him) Ramattra:

their s/o was previously a test subject for Talon experiments, something they have nightmares about. how would the boys react to their partner having one of said nightmares and trying to attack the person trying to wake them up.

ik this is kinda specific, but thank you if you write it! ♡♡♡♡

A/n: oooo this is a good request, let's hope my angsty writing chops are up to par bcuz i really hope this lives up to what you want (hcs under the cut!)

Warnings: general angst, accidental physical violence, mentions & implications of past torture (also op doesn't really know how to write nightmares/night terrors asdfghjkl) Word Count:1586

Headcanons: Cassidy, Genji, Hanzo and Ramattra with a Former Talon Test Subject S/O (Separate)

Cassidy:

When Cassidy awakes in the middle of the night to the sound of you fiercely muttering at no one, its safe to say he's concerned.

He listens for a moment as you make alarmed noises, trying to discern what exactly is going on.

After turning over to flip on the light, he glances over at your sleeping form thrashing around with your brow furrowed in terror.

"N-no... get a...away f-from me..." Cassidy hears you say clearly, getting more worried by the second.

As he begins to reach over to try and rouse you from your slumber, the volume of your voice grows from a to an earsplitting shriek.

As you keep screaming, you start becoming combative, slapping and punching at Cass while somehow still asleep.

"Whoa, hey, hey, hey! Jus' h-hold on a darn second here!" He says as he tries to block your attacks by grabbing your hands.

"No! NO! Let me out!" You wail as tears start streaming down your cheeks.

"Darlin', it's a dream, you gotta wake up! I'm here, just open your eyes!"

Debating between forcing you to wake up and just continuing to reassure you and talk you down from the fear, he decides that the latter is probably going to be the safest for both of you.

After a several minutes long struggle, you slowly stop trying to fight Cole as your once frantic breathing begins to return to its normal pace.

Your tired eyes begin to blink open as the last bit of panic leaves your body in a few small gasps. When you fully regain consciousness, Cassidy sighs in relief as realization begins to sink into your thoughts.

"Are you okay, what the hell happened there?!" Questions Cole as he smooths his hands over your hair.

Choking out a small sob, you gently grasp his bicep to try and ground yourself as more tears begin to fall from your eyes.

"Cass, I-I'm sorry... I- I was back in Talon and the pain j-just wouldn't stop!"

His heart drops at the mention of the evil organization, knowing what kind of awful treatment you went through while kept there.

"I tr-tried to get away but I just.... couldn't! It was awful!" You whisper as you cross your arms over your chest.

"Darlin' I'm so sorry... I am so sorry..." Cole responds faintly before carefully pulling you into a hug.

The room grows still again for a moment, with only the sound of your hushed weeps filling the air.

"I don't wanna go back, please don't let them take me!" You cry into Cole's shoulder as he holds you close.

"No, no, you won't. I swear that as long I'm breathin', I will always make sure you never have to go through that ever again."

Genji:

Genji is all too familiar with nightmares. During the first couple years after his confrontation with Hanzo, he would very frequently have them. He's been through that whole song and dance a million times before.

Which is the reason he immediately knows what's happening when he wakes to the sound of your screams next to him.

He rushes to throw your shared quilt off and make sure you're okay, getting punched once or twice in the process.

After the nightmares pass and you calm down enough to speak, Genji is right there to comfort you.

"It's alright, my love, it is over now... Are you okay?" He questions as he holds one of your palms in his.

You shake your head no as you take several sharp breaths in and out.

"I was there again... in that-that godforsaken lab with fucking Moira prodding at me like cattle! It felt li-like it would never end! I can't go through that again!"

"And you don't have to. I don't know all of what happened to you, but I promise you will never have to face it on your own. I'm here to help you however I'm able to."

As the fearful adrenaline steadily leaves your veins, Genji brings your hand up to his chest so you could feel his heart beating just beneath his cybernetics.

"I love you and will sit here with you as long as you need me too."

With a sad, shaky laugh, you nod and you take your hand back in order to wrap yourself around him.

He does the same in turn as you embrace him ever so slightly tighter before he ushers for you to lay back down together so you can get some much needed sleep.

Pulling the blanket back over your bodies, he scooches in a little closer and begins to hum softly in the hopes of lulling you into a nightmare-less slumber.

Watching as your eyes begin to flutter closed again, he hears you mumble something just before you doze off.

"Thank you, Genji... I love you too."

Hanzo:

Hanzo already has trouble sleeping himself, so when your nightmares come around, he's already wide awake.

As you toss and turn underneath your blanket, he tries to calm you down by running his hand over you head, not caring if he gets hurt by your unintentionaly violent movements.

Once the night-terror ends, you start holding your face in your hands and rock back and forth as Hanzo rubs assuaging circles on your back.

"My dear, what can I do? How do I make the fear stop for now?" The archer inquires as you continue to shake in place.

"I don't know, Han... every time I close my eyes, all I can see is the lights and the wires and the needles... It won't go away no matter how hard I try. I just want them to be gone." You state, anxiously starting to press at your temples.

With a noiseless sigh escaping from his lips, Hanzo moves closer to place an arm across your shoulder and rest his forehead against your head.

"I am sorry for not being there with you. If I were able to change history, I would have gone to great lengths to rescue you."

As you begin to cry at his admission, he places a delicate kiss atop your head.

"I would never ask you to do something that dangerous for me. I couldn't bear it if something happened to you..." You sob out as you bury yourself into Hanzo's side.

Hanzo is quick to wrap his other arm around you, offering a comforting squeeze before ushering you into his lap.

"You wouldn't ever have to ask for my help. I would trade my life for yours if it meant that no more harm would come to you."

Ramattra:

It's uncommon for Omnics to dream- let alone have nightmares- so the first one you have around Ramattra? It comes as a bit of a shock to him.

When he hears you yell, he all but rockets out of his reboot cycle to scan the room for any hidden threats to your safety.

After seeing nobody there but the two of you, he glances down to see you- fast asleep but clawing at the air like a trapped animal scratching at a predator.

He then decides to do a scan of your vitals, just to make sure you aren't in any immediate medical distress. The scan reveals to him that your heartrate and breathing are through the roof.

Just as he's about to cross the room to try and wake you up, you shoot up from your fitful rest with a loud inhale as you slam your hands down onto the mattress below.

Swiftly joining your side on the bed, he cautiously turns your visage towards him as he goes to brush a few stray strands of hair out of your face.

While your eyes try to adjust to the low light of your room, you call out Ramattra's name, receiving a modulated but relaxing shush from his vocalizer.

"Calm yourself, pet, I'm right here. Now, tell me what has happened."

As you take a moment or two to collect yourself and come down from your frenzy, you gaze up to meet the faint glow of his faceplate emitting from his eyes.

"It's Talon; they... tormented me... a long time ago. Had me chained down as a doctor injected chemicals into me before he began flushing them out and started the whole process over again..."

Watching as you barely manage to hold back tears, His joints all seem to freeze in place as fury begins to creep in and take over all his systems.

"They need to suffer for their misdeeds. Who are they?..." He presses, his voice now hauntingly deeper than before .

"I don't know their names, and even if I did, I would do everything in my power to forget them."

An uneasy silence fills the space between you two, staying there for a minute before the large Omnic grunts and lifts you into his arms.

"I am sorry for what you had to go through. Just know that if any pain ever comes your way again, the offenders shall be personally dealt with." Ramattra claims as he rests his faceplate against your jaw.

Relishing in the cool feeling of his metal features against your warm skin, you nod appreciatively before he begins to lightly sway you to and fro.

Watching as you drift back to sleep, Ramattra makes a mental note to hunt down the Talon members who hurt you the next time he meets his allies. He wouldn't and will not stand for the mistreatment of the only human he has ever cared about.

[gold-rhine]

he's SO FUNNY about it btw, like his character stories have so much angst about like oh.... he's forced to pretend to be "normal human"... it's so hard for him.... ppl are so judgemental....

but he de facto makes NO fucking effort to pretend to be human, doesn't even try to "hello my fellow humans" like zhongli does, he refuses to lie, he goes "LMAO archons wear FAKE visions to BLEND IN? imagine being such LOOOSERS"

he could have lied that he's an oceanid or smth when ppl saw that he's too long living for a human, but tho he doesnt disclose hes a dragon, he doesnt give ppl any explanation AT ALL. when asked if he's a trial demon bc ppl didn't know what the fuck he is, he was like no, i'm not and i don't actually care about trials, it's just 9 to 5 for me, so ppl were like ????? High Justice doesn't give a fuck?? it's a springboard job for him??? huh???

like he created so much PR problems for no fucking reason just bc he refuses to compromise even a tiny bit on pretending to be smth he's not. like wow ppl didn't trust you at first? when you obv act nonhuman and refuse to explain shit? asdfghjkl

[dreamwritesimagines]

Theo being on the enemy side is lowkey funny af because if he's anything like his mom, he doesn't know HOW to be a villain. Like he'd run into his friends in the middle of a fight and be like,

"So the old man is still sending the kids to do his job?"

"Whatever Theo, I'm pissed the fuck off," *tries to stab him* "I'm missing my one month anniversary with Leah because of you temper tantrum."

"If this is the best you can do... wait a minute, Leah? Thought she was with Carter like three minutes ago."

*dodging an energy shield* "IT WAS FUCKING CASUAL."

Or

"Fancy meeting you here."

"Hey, Stace-"

"I TOLD YOU A MILLION TIMES NOT TO CALL ME THAT ON A MISSION-"

"Your code name is fucking dumb. Lets cut to the part where you naturally move out of my way, I've had a bad day and I don't want to hurt you-" *gets thrown against a wall*

"Oh my God, are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I think you fucked up my elbow- you got better!"

"You think?"

"Are you taking lessons with Jean or-"

Or someone hurts one of his friends and he instantly knocks that person out, even though it was supposed to be his partner.

His evil boss is honestly this close to taking him out of the team but

1- he's too powerful to waste

2- half his mutants are like in love with him or something.

Theo has no rizz whatsoever but it somehow works on an stupid amount of people. He's hot like his mom and his teenage angst/grief has made him act alot like Logan so the enemy team is passing him around like a blunt, he's lowkey a whore. Hearts are literally shattered when he goes back to the mansion.

I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING OH MY GOD😂

Theo growing up to be the perfect combination of Sunshine and Logan?! And not knowing how to be a villain even when he's on the enemy team?! This is hilarious asdfghjkl😂

And all his friends calling it "his temper tantrum" 😂

"Your code name is fucking dumb. Lets cut to the part where you naturally move out of my way, I've had a bad day and I don't want to hurt you-" Oh that's Logan's son alright😂

Thought she was with Carter like three minutes ago."

*dodging an energy shield* "IT WAS FUCKING CASUAL." Please, he is so confused about the dating lives of his friends and he is trying to be a villain 😂

And then he fanboys over Stace's powers! 😂

Theo has no rizz whatsoever but it somehow works on an stupid amount of people. He's hot like his mom and his teenage angst/grief has made him act alot like Logan ADSFGHJKL-

When he returns to the mansion, Logan is totally gonna hear about it and he's gonna turn to him and go like,

"Theo."

"Yes dad?"

"Do I want to know what happened when you were on the other team?"

"...Uh, I doubt it?"

"Do I need to be worried about something?"

"Nope."

"Glad we had this talk."

[whxre-bxby]

I LOVE UR BLOG ASDFGHJKL 💛

THANK YOU!

"Do It Our Way" - Recom's Redemption

Masterlist

Side Rant: 1. GUESS WHO FINISHED THEIR EXAMS FOREVER AND CAN FINALLY FOCUS ON WHAT THEY LIKE DOING 2. I've had the first part of the fic as an idea since January but I never got to write it

1K special request from @henhouse-horrors

Summary: Y/N finds out the RDA has been lying to them. Everyone is silently having an identity crisis and after torching the coastal Na'vi village, something snaps and they leave the RDA behind.

WARNINGS: Angst, mentions of death, gore, violence, fire, mental health issues

Word Count: 6016

We were back in the forest for the first time in years again, just this time we were the ones that changed. According to the RDA, we wouldn‘t be detected as a threat by Eywa because we were recombinants now. Human soldiers living in the bodies of blue Avatars. 

Quaritch had just split us into pairs, making us cover more ground. I was paired with Lyle and we were returning now after 2 hours of searching with both of us in complete and utter shock.

The other recoms had all returned and we were the last to rejoin the group. I led the way as we emerged from the large leaves and trees of the forest. Lyle followed, keeping his gaze fixated on me. Worry tainted his face and his ears were pinned back because he had noticed I wasn't okay after what both of us had just been through. He himself was confused and was trying to digest what we had just learned. Lyle told me it was best not to tell the Colonel but he knew I wouldn't be able to hide something so big. Something that questioned our very existence and our morals. 

We're here to find Jake Sully. That's the mission. Not… do what they showed us we did. 

Quaritch heard our footsteps and turned around, quickly scanning over Lyle and me. 

"Alright, we're complete. Any success?" He asks, clapping his hands together before resting them on his waist and looking at us. The rest of the team followed his eyes. 

Lyle returned his gaze from our superior to me, nudging my arm gently. I flinched at the sudden contact and raised my head, frantically looking around. 

The Colonel picked up on my behaviour and grew skeptical. 

I hadn't even noticed we arrived at the rest of our squad. Quaritch's question also flew right by me. It was a faint and distant buzzing in my ears because my mind was clouded with questions and possible theories of answers. 

"Y/N?" Quaritch spoke and my gaze snapped to him, wide eyes staring into his own. 

"Any success?" 

"No Colonel, we-" Lyle started to say for me but I couldn't let him cover this up. 

"What are we doing?" I asked, clenching my jaw together. My eyes were stinging and have become red and glossy out of frustration. My tail was restless and my ears were pained due to being strained flat against my head for the past half hour. I was tenser than ever before and Quaritch wasn't going to dismiss anyone until he found out why. 

He gave my question a few seconds, wondering what the purpose of asking that was when it was clearly stated multiple times. The Colonel opened his mouth but I had to let out more. 

"Also, why are we doing this?" I add and now I have everyone's attention.

“Y/N.” Quaritch repeated, but this time his words sounded more like a warning. He wanted me to stop talking even though he wanted to find out what was happening. 

I take a step back, trying to think of a way to start it out easily for everyone to follow my trail of thought. 

“Sir?” I ask, wiping my hand over my face before standing still. He’s watching me, his gaze beckoning me to continue. 

“How many times have we been here?” I add and my words come out demanding and desperate for an answer. My voice is beginning to tremble because I’m starting to crumble beneath frustration, anger, and sadness. 

His ears flicker forward at my question and he isn’t sure how to answer. Everyone knew this was our first time back in the forest but perhaps I meant it in a different context. It wasn’t specific enough for him.

“Y/N, what are you talkin’ about?” Quaritch asked, not seeming pleased with my questioning. 

I take a deep breath and Lyle is grimacing slightly behind me, knowing I’m about to unleash it all. 

“We saw two Na’vi kids just now,” I start and Quaritch’s attention is fully focused on me. He glanced around Lyle and me as did the rest of the team, silently questioning why they weren’t with us and captured. 

“And we were going to follow the procedure-”

“But you didn’t?” Quaritch interrupted me, seeming to get impatient. 

“No, sir.” I reply, averting my gaze from his glaring eyes. I couldn’t hold eye contact with him. The Colonel looks to Lyle for answers but I continue.

“Sir, they weren’t scared.” I say, taking a step forward so that he would direct his attention back to me. Quaritch raised an eyebrow, ready to drop us if that was all we had to say. 

“We pointed our fucking- guns at them. And they didn’t react. The young one laughed!” I continue, raising my voice much to Quaritch’s dislike. My body was trembling and he could tell something was really bothering me. 

Quaritch knew you for many years. You were one of his best marines and had never acted like this before. So he let you talk, wanting to know what’s gotten into you. 

Lyle and I were pushing through leaves while staying focused and reacting to all and any noise and movement we picked up on. When we heard distant giggles and voices, we immediately followed them. 

They led us to a small pond and in it were two children. They were Na’vi and definitely young. We both approached them warily, making sure there weren’t more around. Lyle had ordered them to get down and not move. Both of them flinched at the sudden loud noise and their wide eyes spotted the two of us. To my surprise, they turned around and kept playing. We raised our weapons, pointing our guns at goddamn children but they seemed completely unfazed. We knew that all Na’vi now knew that guns were dangerous. Many of them would steal from the supply trains and take them. But neither our loud shouting nor threatening display of flashing weapons intimidated them. 

The smaller one turned around and directly looked at me with an amused smile, while I pointed my gun at its head as I was told to do. 

“Back again?” he giggled, looking at me like I wasn't capable of hurting him. The words took me by surprise. Did he think I was someone he knew? His mother perhaps? 

Nonsense, I’m wearing a military uniform. But another astonishing thing was that he spoke English. 

I stare at him with wide eyes. “What?”

“We thought fifth time would be last.” his sister cackled behind him, standing up to face me now too. Lyle didn’t move, standing next to me while letting the conversation unfold. 

“What do you-” 

She didn’t listen and told her brother something in Na’vi which we didn’t understand. He nodded, running over to a tree where they had a bag. Lyle took a few steps in his direction so that we wouldn’t lose them but the boy came running back. In his four-fingered hand were small pieces of paper. Polaroids actually. 

I watched him as he picked one out and held it up to me. I lowered my gun to face the ground now and quickly exchanged glances with Lyle before leaning down and looking at what he showed me. 

At first, I couldn’t make out what was happening in the picture but then certain aspects started to look familiar. It looked like something was sitting on debris or a pile of rubble. But most of it was coloured red. As I stared longer, I noticed there was a body between the scraps of metal. Not a human body, but Na’vi. It was an Avatar or what could be a recombinant because of the uniform. 

The Avatar had an arrow in its chest and blood was flowing from its face. This was some of the most brutal gore I had seen and I was being shown it by a child with a smile on its face. 

I was about to turn away in disgust when something caught my eye. The right arm of the Avatar was clearly visible and it had something on it. Lyle was looking at the picture now too and it started to sink in. 

That was my tattoo. 

My heart stopped beating as I stared at the arm. I noticed how it was placed in the exact same spot it is on my arm now. Suddenly, I feel frightened and my eyes flicker all over the body. Another one of my tattoos is on the Avatar’s ankle. Quickly, I look at the barely whole face. Half of it was gone. But the half that was left… resembled my exact features. 

The dead body in the picture was me. I straighten my posture and snatch the polaroid from the child’s hand, looking at it in disbelief. Lyle seems to realise what’s going on because he’s examining the arm with my tattoo. 

“What is this?” I ask, desperately needing an answer that will prove my thoughts wrong. 

The child looks up at me. 

“You.” 

My ears pin back and my eyes unfocus as I stare into nothingness. The other child takes the remaining polaroids from her brother but I react quickly and rip them from her grasp. 

I hand some over to Lyle and we flick through them. My heart is racing as I see more pictures of others dead. Prager’s body looks drowned here. Fike is torn in half. Quaritch has multiple arrows in his back. Lyle’s pale body is missing a limb and bled out. 

And another one of me, hanging lifeless from a railing with my throat slit clean open. Blood covers my face here, but my tattoos are still there and my head is only halfway attached. It seems as though I lost my tail too. 

I clutch my mouth, turning away from the children and bending over. My hands are wrapped around my middle and I lean down, feeling sick to my stomach. Lyle looks horrified as he sees his own batch of death. It didn’t make much sense to either of us yet because we were too disturbed and mortified to put the pieces together. 

The children have been carrying these around as if they didn’t depict the most gruesome images one has ever seen. The older one came to Lyle and me and plucked the polaroids from our fingers. She wasn’t smiling anymore. 

“Wait- give ‘em back.” Lyle said, wanting to take them as proof to the Colonel.

The girl hissed at him and he stopped. “No. We need them for next time.” she snarled. 

Next time?

“Leave us alone, or you become this again.” she said, standing her ground and motioning to the pictures of death. 

I felt so sick I couldn’t be here anymore. My weapon was loosely hanging in my hand and I turned to walk back. Lyle followed and we left the children behind. Our minds were clouded with thoughts, we were no longer able to pay attention to our surroundings. 

“What?” Quaritch asked.

“They had pictures of us! All of us! And we were dead in every single fucking one!” I shout even with a trembling voice and lip. My eyes were full of tears threatening to spill any second. 

“It’s true, sir.” Lyle backed me up, still feeling extremely uncomfortable about what we had seen. 

“We’ve been here before! This isn’t the first time we’re out here as recombinants.” I say, trying to prohibit myself from shouting again. I was pacing up and down the lane in front of Quaritch and the recoms, still refusing to believe it’s real and hoping he has some reasonable explanation for this.

“We’ve done this mission five times already! This is our sixth attempt because we’ve failed all the others.”

Everyone feels uneasy now and a few soldiers exchange questioning glances or worried looks. 

“The RDA keeps sending us out here over and over again. Remember all the briefings they gave us where all the workers seemed uninterested?” I ask and Quaritch looks back to me. 

“You would think that if this really is the first time the RDA has made a recombinant team, they would have put a little more effort into things. People would stare if they saw Avatars for the first time. Extra precautions would be taken. But no, they seemed to have given up!”

Quaritch looks angry now and I don’t quite know whether it’s general frustration or anger directed towards the RDA or me. 

“It’s like they knew they were sending us to death and they just hope to have luck on their side this time.” 

“Alright, cut it out.” Quaritch says but I’m too worked up in explaining my theory. 

“The forest knows us. The people know us. Which probably means Jake knows we’re after him and-”

“Y/N!” Quaritch shouts, making me flinch and everyone looks away for a split second. I freeze, looking at him. 

He looks like he’s fuming with anger and it scares me. The Colonel takes a few steps towards me so that he’s now fully standing in front of me. All I can do is watch him and this time I’m too intimidated to look away. 

“Remind me of our mission.” he ordered. 

“Hunt down and kill Jake Sully, sir.” I reply almost instinctively.

“Why are we doin’ that?” Quaritch added. 

“Because he betrayed humankind and killed us, sir.” I say. We’ve heard it so often I could recite the reasons off by heart in my sleep at this point. 

Quaritch gives me the faintest nod but keeps harshly staring me down. 

“That is why we are here. Everythin’ else the RDA does or plans to do is none of our business.” he said, slowly turning from me and now addressing everyone. 

It was silent for a few moments until Quaritch turned back around to me. He was gritting his teeth. 

“Anythin’ else?” he asked me, daring me to continue talking. Normally, I would have never answered. The consequences could be far too harsh but this time something inside me snapped. 

“We’re doing exactly what got us killed last time.” I say and Quaritch is definitely surprised but not pleased with my big mouth today. My voice got quieter now and my words sunk into everyone. 

Every time we oppose Eywa we get beaten down. Whether we’re blue or not doesn’t seem to matter. This is a suicide mission with no way out.

Quaritch officially had enough. As the leading rank of this squad, he had to defend the RDA, no matter whether he himself was questioning their actions. 

He walked over to me and his strong hand tightly gripped my jaw, holding me in place. His face was closer to mine so that he could make sure I get the message and feel small. 

His fingers dug into my skin and it hurt but I knew trying to move away would make everything worse. 

“We’re here to complete a mission Y/N. One goddamn mission.” he snarled, spitting his words like venom. “We’re not here to live.”

And with that he pushed my head away, making me stumble back slightly. The Colonel glared at me one final time before turning around. 

“Headin’ back, wrap it up.” he said, leading the way back to where we would meet the helicopter. A few recom soldiers started to follow him while I just stood in place and processed everything.

Lyle placed a hand on my shoulder and I sighed, clutching my face in my hands to calm my nerves before we followed the others. A few of them looked at us questioningly. No doubt were we all slightly suspicious of the RDA. This affected us directly because they had permanent access to our soul drive and could use it on any Avatar. But what could we do?

After all, we were the property of the RDA. They made us for this mission. Completing this successfully was our life purpose. It didn’t matter if we were lied to or not. But lying always raises questions and mistrust. 

For the next few days, I was forced to ignore my thoughts. I knew if I asked any more questions there was a chance they would wipe my memory and ‘restart’ me so that I would forget everything I found out today. 

I struggled to understand myself as well. I wasn’t sure whether I was fine and my stupid new body had emotional side effects or whether I was starting to no longer side with the RDA.

I managed to withhold my emotions for the next week. Quaritch was paying close attention to my behaviour so I talked less. 

I was doing well at keeping my thoughts to myself until we were sent out once again. This time we were climbing up the Iknimaya or the so-called ‘Path to Heaven’ which was in the Hallelujah Mountains. That’s where the Ikran were. 

We reached the top and watched the Ikran’s reactions to our presence. 

“TopGun, you’re up!” Quaritch called and my ears twitched at the name. I used to be in the airforce until I transferred. That’s where the nickname came from. 

He seemed to really be testing me and my limits in the past few days, making me work out more, do more chores around the base, and now tame an Ikran first.

Things went much faster than expected. I tackled the banshee to the ground by its neck. I placed it in a headlock with my legs while my arms searched for its cord and finally, I managed to connect us and form tsaheylu. The feeling of the bond shot through me and suddenly my senses heightened and I felt my Ikran beneath me. My legs unwrapped from its head and it slowly stood upright with me on its back. A few recoms cheered while others watched warily and without further hesitation, it took off. Its wings opened as it jumped from the cliff and we started to tumble down. 

It took a while to seize control but I figured it out and we flew for a few good minutes. 

That’s when my problem grew worse. I was connected to the Ikran. I felt what it felt. The pure joy of life it had and the love for Pandora. I felt its connection to Eywa and its happiness of finding a rider. Looking around, the beautiful sight of the magical scenery made me almost break down. 

We flew back and I slowly landed where we took off. I slowly got off it, tracing my hand over the patterns of its skin as I made my way to its head. It must have felt my emotions and gently pressed its head against mine before pulling me against its neck. I was literally hugging a dragon and tears started to flow from my eyes. Creatures like these the RDA wanted dead. I must have shot a dozen Ikrans as a human too. 

I undid the bond, leaving my Ikran and walking back with my head down. Z-Dog was at my side, noticing my state. She wasn’t the type of person to comfort but she helped shield me from the Colonel's stern looks. He was suspicious of me and I couldn’t show him how attached I suddenly felt to the world. I hoped they would feel it too but no one did. 

The days continued to pass but every morning felt heavier. The nights felt lonelier. I started to long for the forest. At night when I was locked in my room, I would dream and imagine walking through the forest, flying over the cliffs and mountains and swimming in the waters. 

It was as if the planet was calling for me. Like I belonged to it. Even though I was an Avatar, it seemed to be able to mentally reach me and lure me to it. Our minds were normal but our bodies seemed to be cursed with a love for this world. But now, I started thinking that my mind was in the wrong place and my body was longing for the right way of life. Being alive now meant more than it ever did to me when I was a human. 

Things rapidly escalated the next day.

We were on the SeaDragon. One of the RDA’s largest ships which is used to enable the hunting of Tulkuns. Now we were leaving what used to be a coastal Na’vi village after setting it into flames and cuffing all the people. Quaritch almost had the Tsahik killed and that was when I truly realised that I couldn’t do it. 

It was never a problem for me before but now it felt so incredibly wrong I had to say something. 

Instead of heading back to the SeaDragon, Quaritch led us past the beach and to the forest which is where our Ikran waited. We were following him but oddly no one spoke a word this time. Usually, there was some conversation occurring but everyone was silent. I glanced around me and my teammates had their heads down while they mindlessly followed their superior. The Colonel himself refused to turn around and face us. 

The scene of fire and violence I had just seen a few minutes ago was replaying in my head. The cries of the people seeing their homes get destroyed were echoing in my head and my eyes were unfocused again. I felt distanced from reality and things seemed blurry. 

My footsteps slowed down and a few recoms passed me. Eventually, I stopped fully and my firearm fell from my hands and onto the ground. I had made up my mind because I could no longer bear having this guilt weigh me down and have this blood on my hands. 

Lopez and Mansk were walking behind me and they too now stopped, looking at me and my weapon. 

“Y/N?” Z-Dog called from further at the front. She halted her steps and turned around to face me. 

My ears were pinned back because I knew I was about to get the worst punishment from the Colonel. The decisions I have made due to the storm of involuntary emotions I feel have caused me to completely lose the common sense I was taught to have as a human soldier. Everything I had ever worked for and wanted to achieve was now going out the window because this god-forsaken body made me refuse to continue. 

The Colonel heard that and turned around as did the others. His eyes scanned me over and he instantly knew what this was about. 

“You better keep walkin’ right now or I’m gonna-” Quaritch started to say but I interrupted him. 

“I’m not doing this anymore.” I mumble. My body trembles with anger even though I’m filled with fear. 

He seemed to hear my faint voice and glared me down for a few more seconds before handing some equipment to Lyle and walking to me. 

“What did you say?” he asked me in a daring manner, wanting me to repeat my answer so that he could rightfully be angry. 

“I’m not doing this anymore. I’m done.” I snarl at him, spitting the words out one by one to make my message and intentions clear. 

He doesn’t react for a few moments so I start removing all other weapons attached to me. Starting with my vest, I opened the straps and discarded it on the ground. 

“What exactly are you doin’?” he asks, watching my movements. 

My infuriated eyes meet his again. 

“I don’t know. But I can’t ever do- that again.” I reply, pointing behind me to the distant fire and smoke in the sky. My voice is breaking again. 

The Colonel is examining me to see whether I’m being serious. 

“The RDA can go fuck itself, this shit is cruel and so fucking inhumane-” I say, gasping for air after pushing the words out like I was out of breath.

“You turnin’ your back on the RDA?” he asks, definitely looking pissed now. 

I put my hands on my hips and bite my tongue while I think of my answer. My head starts to nod. 

“Yeah, I am.”

“What’s the plan, huh? You gonna go find Jake and live like ‘em?” He asks me and I can hear disgust in his voice. There was no turning back now they all probably looked down at me now. It hurt me a little because they were the closest thing to a family I had for the many years I’ve been on Pandora. 

I scoff. “Fuck Jake. I don’t know, but I’d rather be doing anything than this.” 

Quaritch stays quiet for a while, clearly thinking about what he should do. 

I inhale shakily and look around. I notice everyone looks worried to a certain extent. I’m not sure why but I know that they know the consequences of this are bad. I wouldn’t wish this upon any of them because we seemed to get very close as recoms. Not that it mattered now. I’d probably get imprisoned at the RDA now or they really would wipe my memory. 

Finally, the Colonel speaks up again. 

“Betrayin’ your own team gives me the right te’ execute you on the spot.” he says while his fierce eyes pierce through me. 

My heartbeat stops for a few seconds as I think about what he just said. I wasn’t expecting to be killed straight away but it would happen sooner or later. 

“Is that what you’re doin’ here?” he asks and I gulp. I gather the mess my thoughts have become and pull myself together. 

“Yeah.” I mumble, looking down at my feet. No matter how drawn I was to this world, I still felt shame for this. 

Your words shifted some gears in the Colonel’s head. For a second he could see the internal war you were having. Doing this felt wrong to you but the other way around it was worse. But the man was a tough marine and his persistence was stronger. 

In the next second his hand reaches for the holster attached to his belt. 

The soldiers who have made it this far are watching and many of their hearts sink when Quaritch pulls out his gun and steadily aims it right at your head. You’ve all become almost friends in the past weeks and everyone had their internal identity crisis to deal with. It just seemed yours was worse. It didn’t make you weaker but you were one of the few people who didn’t have a tunnel vision to the successful completion of your mission. You saw the aftermath. The consequences that were forced upon innocent lives. And it made you realise that you had been siding with the enemy your entire life. 

I look up at him and my eyes meet the end of his gun. I stop moving and look into his eyes. 

“I may be havin’ my own deal of problems with this body,” Quaritch said with a tense jaw while his hand remained in place. My ears perk forward. Was he feeling it too? 

“But I still remember what team I’m playin’ for.” 

The muscles of his arm strained and flexed as he tightly gripped the gun. I was too stunned to speak. Knowing it’s all going to be gone in a matter of seconds makes one forget how to function normally. My eyes involuntarily teared up again because I started to feel the same longing and joy for life my Ikran felt. I wanted to stay here and not harm the world. But if that isn’t possible it’s best I don’t exist at all. 

“This isn’t personal. It’s just the procedure.” he says, forcedly pushing his words out as if he were running out of air. 

I nod. 

“I know.” 

Quaritch had his lips tightly pressed into a firm line as he stared into my eyes. They flickered between my watery ones and he finally exhaled after holding his breath for a good minute. 

“Fuck-” he faintly uttered under his breath and looked away for a second. His gun was slightly lowered but the next second he readjusted his stance and held it back in place. His fingers moved up and he cocked it. All he had to do was pull the trigger and it would be over. 

“Look down.” he ordered. His words flew by me at first but then I processed them and slowly lowered my gaze to the ground. 

Quaritch couldn’t look you in the eyes while he would take your life. He knew you too well it would take a toll on him. Making you look away made it easier for him to forget it’s you he’s about to shoot. 

Zdinarsk was watching me with a horrified look. I’ve known her for almost ten years. She didn’t want this to happen but she wasn’t in the place to prohibit it. 

Lyle’s ears were flattened back and he turned away, holding his head. He couldn’t watch. No one could. Everyone had miserably looked away.

Quaritch’s hand was shaking with how much he tensed it. His eyes were fixated on me as his fingers were slowly itching to press down on the trigger. He was close to placing it on it when he saw a tear drop from my face. 

Tears were new. When we were upset we were silent. Never had we cried. He only saw me like this before with my Ikran. 

“What are the tears for, Y/N?” he asks and suddenly his voice doesn’t seem as angry. His words sound soft and almost sympathetic. 

I look up at him and he freezes. 

Seeing you so broken apart in front of him made Quaritch lose focus on his weapon. To anyone’s surprise, he felt pity because he knew that this wasn’t your fault. He could see how inside it was still you but the new parts of you had seemed to overpower your old self. 

“I just want to live. Here.” I reply with a tremble and a sniffle. “I don’t want to hurt anymore.” 

Quaritch blankly stared at me. I don’t know what was taking him so long because I knew he was a man of his words. I decided to just wait it out and continue staring down at the grass which seemed even pretty now. It made me want to reach down and touch it but I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to do something so simple again. 

You thought you’d be dead any second now but Quaritch didn’t have the heart to kill you. You were one of his soldiers and he’d had you under his command for multiple years. That wasn’t something he could just look past. And there was no doubt about the fact that he no longer felt such hatred for this world. 

I heard a click of metal and suddenly a deafening gunshot pulsates through my sensitive ears. I flinch at the sound but soon noticed I wasn’t hit. 

Lyle cursed under his breath, wiping his hand over his face to stay in control of himself. He was turned around so he assumed the shot was for you. The marine didn’t dare turn around. He didn’t want to see you on the ground nor did he want to see the Colonel towering over your body. The others held their breath as they processed the likeliness of your death. No one wanted to look. 

I glanced up at the Colonel and he looked uncomfortable. There was a lot of internal conflict behind those eyes. It was honestly unfair what the RDA put us through. Putting dead soldiers into the body of the enemy and making us find that enemy to kill them even though we felt attached to the world. It was too much. 

Quaritch started angrily taking the gun apart and dropping the pieces of it onto the ground while he gritted his teeth and spoke. 

“Can’t believe I was- gonna kill my own fuckin’-” he started to swear. The Colonel was clearly distressed as everyone else was. He was angry and it was equally divided to the RDA for giving us this mission and angry at himself for not being able to pull through with his task. 

We were all permanently two-faced. Meaning we would always hate ourselves for being blue and having a weakness for this planet but we would equally hate the RDA for destroying it and sending us out to do this. 

“What are you doing?” I ask. 

Your voice makes the others freeze and within seconds they turn around and are more than relieved to see you’re not dead or even injured. 

“Your goddamn plan.” he said, turning to the others. Quaritch felt sick to his stomach admitting this weakness to the others but he made a new choice. He made it clear that he and I could no longer continue and asked whether anyone else felt the same. It took a lot of convincing to get the others to open up. Some quickly agreed while others were hesitant. 

Lyle’s world was slowly falling apart. He didn’t know who to follow. His whole life, he’d been trained to stick by the RDA. The Colonel had been there throughout his entire experience. So have I and most of the team. He had also been praised and promoted for not letting people like Grace and Jake faze him when they betrayed the humans. Now, we weren’t human anymore. And the people Lyle trusted were doing something he swore to himself he’d never do. 

Eventually, Quaritch started to walk another way and everyone followed again. He gave the others an option to return home but no one took it. 

No one wanted to return to the industrialised dead land at Bridgehead City. 

We went to our Ikran and made a plan. Firstly, we needed a few things like living supplies. We also needed to make sure the RDA wouldn’t find us. I suspected they had trackers in our bodies somewhere and I only knew about one person who could help us. 

The rest of the day was a pain for everyone. We weren’t a happy and free group at all, we were tormented with the guilt of leaving everything we’ve ever known behind. 

But we couldn’t ever go back to Earth. We were dead and gone. That option was completely eliminated. So either way, Pandora would be our home. It just depended on how we treated it. 

We roughly knew where Jake used to stay. That’s where the scientists were. I was friends with Norm at one point so we went to find him. It was difficult. I managed to walk into the Clan’s territory in my uniform because the Na’vi thought I was just a science Avatar. Once I stepped foot inside the labs, guns were drawn. I found Norm and it took me a good half an hour to explain everything and persuade him. I told him if he’d help us this one time we would never bother them again. 

He let it happen and helped us find our trackers chips. They put one in our braids and one beneath the skin of our neck. Norm had to take them out with small tools but it worked. 

We left with a few bags of their supplies and returned to the old and run-down shed where Quaritch originally died. No one had a specific plan to foresee our future but we made it clear we didn’t want to fully embrace Navi culture. We’d keep our clothes and our language but this time we’d just attempt to peacefully live with nature. 

Perhaps one day we could form some kind of peace treaty with Jake and his clan. But that was too much of a big step to even discuss now. Turning our backs on the RDA was enough on our plate now. 

We would live our own way and form our own path here. There weren’t any rules to life in the forest. So we would do it our way.

Tag List: @number1gal @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed @ikranwings @jatwow @numarusworld

[glossysoap]

how’s about we take a little visit to the boys’ pov in chapter 11?

Stop you’re gonna kill me?! I’m already so excited!!! I feel for the boys 😪 the universe really threw a curveball at them that they didn’t deserve, but I just wanna scoop up all the angst you’re serving and eat it for breakfast, it’s so good omg I can see ghost and soap growing a bit of animosity for each other for not telling reader how they feel?! And reader doesn’t even remember them now?!?! asdfghjkl I’m so sorry, I’m just so stupid for your blorbos and this hellhole world you created

I need rtc like it’s my lifeline cause I canNOT wait for ghost and soap to reunite with reader and the three of them to learn to love each other!? UGH I can taste it but I live for everything in between cause it wouldn’t taste as good without the buildup, I need it to hurt 😩

I’m biting my knuckles just thinking about how huge the boys’ regret is for not confessing sooner or being more intimate with them!? And reader relearning their love for the boys???

I’m sorry Im passing away cause my heart can’t contain the possibilities anymore, this is all your fault (affectionate)

-🌻

missed chances

ghoap (for the sake of convenience, that’s what i’ll be referring to them as when i’m talking about ghost and soap) growing a bit of resentment and animosity towards each other, even despite their best efforts, for not telling you how they felt has LITERALLY BEEN MARINATING AND HATCHING IN MY BRAIN FOR SO LONG. SO SO LONG.

because just think about it. the only reason you were so so eager to leave the task force that day and go onto that helicopter was because you felt so.. out of place with ghoap.

with all of their touches and kind words and intense gazes. all of those things that, in your eyes, were reserved for ghost and soap. in your eyes, you were an intruder. someone taking up space.

and why would they need you, anyway? they surely don’t. they’re both pillars of love and strength and willpower — they can do just fine without you. without some third wheel best friend always trailing behind them.

and furthermore, why would they want you? in your eyes, there’s just no way. no way that they meant all of those longing glances or bear hugs. all of those forehead kisses and pet names. they were just being nice. you were the most skilled medic and you always treated them impeccably, no matter how challenging their ailments were — so of course they would be nice to you.

so, in your mind, on that day you were captured, you were tired of being lured in by those intense gazes and warm touches. you were tired of being flustered over their close proximity and feeling your heart pound in your chest. you were tired of having these feelings that would so obviously never be returned.

in that moment, when you had an emergent patient, you saw an opportunity to leave the nerves behind and get back into your element. an opportunity to escape the affection that made you feel all warm and fuzzy, and completely stupid all at the same time.

and the boys could see how relieved you were when a patient had arrived, by the sigh you let out and how quick you were to pass them off to your assistant. thoughts ran through their mind, none of them good. most of them always led back to one - they were scaring you away.

you were getting overwhelmed with all of the attention and affection, especially since you didn’t know about their feelings yet.

so they told themselves that they would tell you first thing once they touched down back at the base. they would head straight to your quarters and sit you down, each of them holding one of your warm, soft hands. they would talk in hushed, soft voices and gaze at you with adoration as they would confess to you. they would tell you how you make their hearts race and their minds muddle into mush when they see you. they would tell you how they look for you in every room they enter. they would tell you how they love you, how they’re in love with you.

at least, that’s what they were going to do. before they returned to find your room empty and you nowhere to be found. before the task force had to watch the footage of you being captured on that helicopter.

now, when you ambush them later on that highway, all brainwashed — that just makes it worse.

it was one thing for them to think of you as being dead for so long, but it’s a whole ‘nother thing for them to find out that you were tortured (still being tortured), your arm was amputated and you were brainwashed. turned into a killing machine.

so, not only did they blame themselves for you “dying,” but now? now they blamed themselves for you having to endure a fate worse than death.

and when you said, “who the hell is y/n?” oh, lord. any progress that they had made with grieving? all of the healing? it was all torn away the very second you were revealed to be alive and that your memories were erased.

i cant wait for them to reunite either!!! we’re on the same wavelength!!! but YES OMG THE BUILDUP ALONG THE WAY IS WHAT MAKES IT EVEN BETTER

and don’t you worry because you’ll be gettin FED with the buildup!! the boys yearning for you now that they know you’re alive??? check. the boys searching for you everywhere they go? check. you dreaming of little flashes of them? dreaming of soaps cerulean eyes? dreaming of ghosts gentle touches? check. check check checkkkkkkkk

omg they have SO many regrets. SO MANY. remember in chapter 2 i believe, where ghost and soap were thinking about how they would confess to you? and ghost was worried about scaring you off? and how he said they shouldn’t just kiss you out of the blue?

yeah all of that sounds laughable now. they WISH they would’ve just pulled you close to them and held your face with their big hands and pressed their lips to yours. they wished they could’ve felt how smooth your lips were and how soft they were. just like everything else about you, you were soft and fragile in contrast to their rough and callousness. they wish they could’ve tasted you and heard you gasp as they slipped their tongue in your mouth.

they wished that they had hugged you even more. they wished that they had kissed your forehead more. they wished that more than anything, they had pulled you aside and just told you how they felt. they wished they could have made sure you knew how deep their feelings for you ran, that they were anything but just surface level friendliness. they wish they could’ve made you believe that.

because if you had known that they were in love with you, and not in the way that “just friends” are, then you would’ve wanted to stay. you would’ve waited for them to be patched up before you went to see that patient. they could’ve accompanied you to see that patient, and then maybe, just maybe, the redhead’s cover would’ve been blown. and you wouldn’t have been taken.

now. when it comes to you relearning your love for the boys? whewww,, it’ll take some time. because once you come back to the 141 base, you’re still carryin a shit ton of trauma and trust issues. you’re also still battling amnesia and working through all of the brainwashing that HYDRA put you through.. but! at least the 141 knows that you’re safe!

(physically at least lol not safe in your own mind but 🤷🏻‍♀️)

if you’ve read some of my earlier rtc snippets, then you’ll know that when you come back, you don’t wanna stay in your old room. because you don’t feel like it’s yours anymore. it’s like you’re an imposter, impersonating someone that doesn’t even exist anymore. so you take up an empty room and sleep on some twin size cot, and you don’t use a blanket or pillow — because HYDRA never gave you any. that’s all you can remember.

you’re always wary of the 141, until you remember everything. but that takes some time.

with that time, comes plenty of angst. plenty of jealousy, believe it or not. plenty of yearning. plenty of pining.

©️ glossysoap 2024. please do not steal, copy, plagiarize, translate, or repost any of my works without my permission. do not steal any elements of my theme without permission.

[steamyconcepts-minorsdni]

I’ve pieced together in my brain why Scaramouche x Traveler can’t work, and why I don’t ship it even though it’s cute and in theory works great.

The traveler is going to leave.

At some point when everything is said and done, traveler is going to move on and leave Teyvat. That’s why Ayaka doesn’t let her crush on them grow any deeper than that, she knows anything they would have would be temporary.

(Honestly I think that’s why while I have a handful of traveler ships, none of them are like, I want them to get married and live together and have 5 dogs and or cats together level of ship.)

But no seriously could you imagine?? Scaramouche lets himself open up, he gives in to his obvious crush, lets himself fall for the traveler… just for them to leave. Not even die, to go to another world and leave him behind. Like if that’s not betrayal number 4 I don’t know what is.

My headcanon is that the traveler purposefully keeps all of their friends at an arms length away. Even if they wanted to be in a real relationship with someone, I don’t think Aether or Lumine would have the heart to put someone they care about through that.

Although, the heart wants what the heart wants and I can definitely see that angst being part of it. asdfghjkl

[fluffypotatey]

We are not going to crucify you Fluffy, if anything we think you're going to stab us lol. Okay I wanted to give you a parody of 'Wouldn't You Like' for Nines to help you feel better and decided to watch the last 3 episodes to see what in the heck Nines was blabbing about and uh. OKAY HOLD ON I WAS JOKING THAT MK BECAME THE NEW JADE EMPEROR I DIDN'T THINK HE WOULD ACTUALLY- and did Nines straight up DEVOURER THESE GUYS BODIES SOUL AND ALL. We didn't ACTUALLY think Macaque's shadows ate him did we?! It was just a "well the raccoon might have stolen it!" out of all other options and reasonable explanations kind of guess heLLO. WHY does Nines move here function so much like the Shadow Lantern?!?!?! *grabs Macalculus by the scruff and shakes him* WERE YOU DOING THIS THE WHOLE TIME. I'M WITH NINES HERE WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT POWER- I wonder if Nines has some...kind of backlash from staying behind in the previous reincarnation cycle? Presumably? Kinda wild fic angst if him and Wukong rlly were friends in a past life LOL. I see this Monkey has a type. Wonder if that backlash is why he doesn't react when Macky steals his power. It feels like the same old pain from being away from the chaos for so long. I bet those aren't his natural powers either. *nods* I see his whole deal tho. He wanted to be free, but stayed behind for the others. And then ended up stuck here. He hates people being put in the cage of destiny, which MK was to him, with others expectations on what he should do being imposed on him by his friends <- clear past issues here and Nuwa. And then MK says there isn't really a choice, which sounds like he's saying "I'm still trapped, there IS no open cage. No other option." which you'd THINK Nines would get ticked at, but he just sighs and accepts it, freeing his friends to talk. The only reason he's so pushy about them rejecting MK's sacrifice is because that was HIS choice and Nines already decided his last act in this world was going to be respecting MK's choice. It's not so much chaos, but individuality hmm. He's that textbook case of someone having trauma from watching someone fail (real or in failing to understanding another's perspective and situation) and trying to save another person in a similar situation to make up for it. Leaning towards the second type, like when your parents don't understand you so you latch onto friends to understand you instead. That's him latching onto MK and understanding the beauty of chaos and that he's ~ not ~ a monster. That's why he repeats twice he doesn't care what MK does. "I'm not letting you take this from him." Sounds personal there. Someone take something from you before? I bet the whole respecting choices things also comes people not accepting that he wanted to live in the chaos.In a way, he wanted better for MK than what he got.

If MK thought for two minutes why Nine said he was returning to chaos either way 😭 maybe we could've avoided this whole "race to sacrifice myself first." Because it was pointless. Nines even pulls the "I told you" on him and tries to hype him up for being gallant and pursuing his own choice asdfghjkl this guy. read the room, he's super hooked on it huh. Lol, I guess he thinks "dying together holding hands at the end of the world" is beautiful, I mean maybe in an unavoidable tragic story if people are looking for that bittersweetness but not here fam. Well I guess it was beautiful in the context of restructuring the imposted narrative. "If there was a way to save everyone, I would have." HMM. "You did what I couldn't, what I had given up on." okay I gotcha. So, this "he" who is winning, because all LMK villains apparently have some cryptic information they need to share, Did A Thing(tm) so Nines stopped whatever "hero" act he was going to do, that would ensure everybody got to live and he got to return to the chaos. A compromise, but also pulling the biggest case of that two finger salute and disappearing act. Nines was really like "aight imma dip out and live in my funky new realm alone forever." He's not that bad, just has an interesting way of thinking I want to psychoanalyze the cause for lol, it's in the way he's genuinely trying to be soothing to MK that he did everything he could and not manipulative. The reason he flips out so much is because repairing the pillar in a way that STOPS the cycle should have been impossible. Either the sky shattered and the chaos realm came crashing in, or the reincarnation cycle came now and he got be born back to where he wanted to be. But this? This cleaned up the cracks so there was no cycle and no cracks to leave from. Not exactly why he hung back instead of dipping. Once upon a time, he might have wanted to stop the cycle, "be a hero" but whatever that was, it seems to have locked him into the mortal realm forever. He could have left through the cracks the second the pillar of heaven shattered, but I guess some traumatized part of him really needed the closure of having his last act be freeing the harbinger of chaos. Lol almost like MK is your distant relative in chaos, gee kinda like Hermes and Ody huh. I better write that one down. I also love how he restructures the idea of MK being "down on his knees to accept his fate" but he "chose to stand up to meet his end together." *shakes him* WHAT HAPPENED IN YOUR HISTORY BRO TO THINK LIKE THIS. I know he explained it but still!! something something context matters and taking control of the situation to recontextualize so that YOU have the power in what feels inevitable is returning agency back to the person something something allegory of the cave asdfghjkl-

oh my god this guy gives me plot headaches because like, on the surface, i get him. but the more i think about Nines and his motivations i just get confused

like ok, sure, you wanted to give MK the chance to live life and make his own choice before the inevitable. question: why the FUCK did you wake him so fucking early then bro???? we’re you growing impatient and wanted to reunite with the Chaos Beyond pronto? or did this “he” dude push on the cycle’s end coming sooner?

Nines not only woke MK up early, but he pushed along the events that would lead to the Pillar fracturing. and this is all in the span of about twenty years, which, if imma be honest, isn’t a lot of time for MK to really live out his life. his life has barely started!!! he’s not even middle aged and he’s barely an adult!!! MK only began to obtain his abilities a couple or so years before s5’s events!!!

so, Nines, what the fuck is your deal in pushing MK to make his “destiny” decision this early? how impatient did you get? or who requested this come sooner since you are, apparently, not the true man behind the curtain?

also, the whole “I’ll be free anyway” just confused me more because whyyyyyyyyyyyy did you speedrun the apocalypse if you will get what you want anyway???? no matter the factor, Nines would always find himself back at the Chaos Beyond, so why go through with any of this? i can understand wanting to give MK a choice (and no matter the choice you will still win, but maybe have insight on what you couldn’t or wouldn’t do), but what i don’t is the fact that he speedran all of this.

Nines could have woken MK up when the cycle was closer to its end. he could have woken MK up 100 years or even 50 years before the end of the cycle in order to give MK a chance at life. instead, he woke MK up eons before he needed to fulfill his role (also, if Nines hadn’t interfered further, would MK end up becoming immortal because of his role as the Harbinger?) and i just— ???????

he makes my brain hurt and all i can hope for is that lmk will explain this further in future seasons

[siren-serenity]

"Please don't leave me alone! I can give you the finest jewelry, you can live in luxury without having to lift a finger for the rest of your life, I can cook, clean, I c-can give you anything you want. E-Even.. My body... But all you have to do is just be here with me, my angel fish~."

- Azul Ashengrotto

i need you

characters: azul ashengrotto, gn!reader warnings: angst a/n: - my love for azul has no bounds asdfghjkl - thank you so much ame and mero for being so quick to reply <3 - feedback is appreciated!

Azul Ashengrotto has never known such pain not until that day arrived. He remembers vividly your figure standing before the intimidating Dark Mirror, the tense suspense hanging in the air, and your enchantingly beautiful eyes filled with unshed tears. Because of him.

He remembers how he shed all sense of decorum, pushing, scrambling, screaming until his throat had gone hoarse for days, doing anything and everything to get to you. Time seemed to slow as two things happened simultaneously: the Dark Mirror's booming voice as it began the ritual and a cry of desperation tearing from Azul's throat. At last, the students got out of his way and he launched himself, arms acting like a shadow of his tentacles as he wrapped you in his embrace. He feels your warmth, your strange human warmth that sharply contrasted yet complimented his own cold, glacial touch. He smells your scent, so uniquely you, and he could never tire of it.

"Please," he murmurs before squeezing you tight. "Please d-don't leave me alone."

He hears gasps from other students as he openly breaks down, gasping for breath with each word while a strange, choking feeling emerges in his throat. Azul doesn't dare to face you; he's such a coward. Yes, a coward indeed for he fears committing to love. The all-powerful force that unites humanity yet can break hearts in a single syllable. He knows it all too well since it was your heart he broke, one that he knows will take decades for him to apologize.

But Azul Ashengrotto doesn't care. He continues to babble, losing his conscious mind while his subconscious drift off to imagining worse case scenarios in the most vivid colors.

"I can give you the finest jewelry, you can live in luxury without having to lift a finger for the rest of your life, I can cook, clean, I c-can give you anything you want. E-Even...my body...but all you have to do is just be here with me, my angel fish," He pleads, begging before at last, he kneels pathetically. Finally, upon hearing the thump, you face him.

He dares to look up, only to find his heart-shattering. He had hoped, he had dreamt that he had done it - he could finally have you back again! But no, the cruelty of reality slapped him. Your face was barren of emotions, fists clenched by your side, and upon looking into your eyes, he finds no trace of raw emotions.

"Headmaster?" You spoke with a cool voice. You shake Azul's hand away, carelessly throwing it to the side as he gasps out a heartbreaking, heartwrenching "No!"

"I believe that the ritual is finished," You step, and each click against the marble tiles reminds him of how much further you were going, away from him, away from his grasp, away.

Azul shouts out your name just as your fingers touch the surface of the Dark Mirror. A bright light shines around your figure before Azul throws himself forward, arms reaching out to tug you back into his grasp (Azul has never let anything he wants out of his grasps, no he is selfish, he is greedy, he wants everything the world as to offer) but he collides with the chilly surface of the Dark Mirror instead. The pain is but an echo compared to the feeling of his heart shattering into millions of pieces when he doesn't see you.

He murmurs your name feverishly, whipping his head around like a lost child. Out of the corner of his eyes, he faintly registers pitiful looks before realizing the dreadful truth - you were gone.

"Y/N? Y/N?! Come back to me! I need you! My angel fish- I NEED YOU! COME BACK! P-please!"

[yeyayeya]

My reaction to TGCF Season 2 Ep 5 (Part 3)

*novel spoilers*

Idk why I am surprised about how He Xuan slept through the whole thing. He’s literally me. While it takes me a while to actually get comfortable and fall asleep, just to let you know that once I do, I can sleep through anything.

omg we twins ✌️

ASDFGHJKL

FENG XIN AAHHHHH

He looks so sad??? An actual puppy??? The concern so stupidly evident on his face??? Not even trying to hide it??? I need to kiss him

I actually screamed when I saw him. I know for a fact FengLian shippers were living through this scene

Romantically or platonically, idc, but their relationship just makes me so sad. I just fucking love them

The XianLe trio in general make me sad

Speaking of which…

Hello sir

If there was any character that I feel the most neutral on, it is Mu Qing

Fuck fuck fuck fuck

Damn it

Who’s ready for angst? You know I am!

[padfootastic]

Okay okay okay I was that anon from earlier and I can’t believe I finally have a reason to rant about Harry and Teddy because those two mean so much to me. Like my favourite relationship in HP is Harry & Ron and Harry & Teddy in joint first place because those two are the ones that bring so much feels like asdfghjkl

Also sorry for the length - I have so much to say and I'm not even covering half of it

Teddy saved Harry after the war - that is 100% canonical fact.

He’s also one of the only people Harry feels comfortable opening up to - Harry is so closed up and hates being vulnerable around anyone but with Teddy he feels safe and I headcanon that little Teddy has actually witnessed or heard his PTSD-induced behaviour (I know that the epilogue directly contradicts this but I hc that Andromeda dies when Teddy’s around one so he lives with Harry) and instead of feeling like closing up, Harry just lets Teddy hug him because his love for his godson is stronger than his own feelings. 

When I think of Harry and Teddy, this is what comes to mind: https://www.tumblr.com/headcanonsandmore/175266513519/8th-year-harry-r-u-sure-u-dont-wanna-see-these-16

Harry loves showing off his godson so much. Everyone in the Ministry knows that the only way to get Auror Trainee (and then Auror and Head Auror) Potter to talk is to just barely hint at his godson and then you’ll be subject to a 10 hour lecture of a very enthusiastical and highly animated Harry showing off the new 1432956 photographs he had taken that week (yes he carries a photo album that is magically charmed to fit in his pocket that is filled to the brim with Teddy’s baby photos and yes he still carries it around even when Teddy is in his twenties)

Harry and Teddy shamelessly love each other and they both love the other more than anyone else and it’s so obvious to everyone around 

One thing I love about those two is Teddy mirrors Harry so much that even their names are the same:

First name: Constant, vowel, double constant, y

Middle Name: Their father’s name 

And then their last name 

Fresh out of the war, 17 year old Harry the day after the Battle of Hogwarts: I’ve only known my godson, a ball of sunshine, actual angel who can do no wrong and my entire will to live, Teddy Lupin for one minute but if anything ever happens to him I will kill everyone in the Wizarding World and then myself

OR

Harry Potter: *inner monologue* angst angst angst inner demons darkness death generic emo stuff

Baby Teddy Lupin: *smiles at him for one (1) second*

Harry Potter: 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️✨✨✨✨✨

No but the next day he brings home bags of parenting books because he’s so worried like inside his head is like ‘I can’t be as good of a godfather as Sirius I’m too messed up and broken and have too many horrible coping mechanisms the last thing I want is too end up like me’ and then Ron smacks him because Teddy has been clinging onto him for the past three hours and refuses to let go

The first time Harry smiled/laughed after the war was because of Teddy and I will die on this hill

As a diehard Hinny shipper one of my favourite parts of HP is when Harry turns into Shakespeare whenever he describes Ginny and I 100% believe that his inner poet comes out whenever Teddy is within ten feet of him

I can just imagine that during an Auror meeting, you have a war-hardened, no nonsense, ‘youngest head auror of all time’ Head Auror Potter having this aura of don’t mess with me as he almost coldly goes over the last raid, and all of the aurors (even the ones older than him) are just stuck in place, partly due to fear, partly due to respect and then Kingsley comes in with this tiny ball of sunshine that is Teddy and all of a sudden his face just lights up and calls for a break and everyone thinks that they’re dreaming when they see the formidable head auror happily nodding along as Teddy shows off his new pet rock

Teddy has never seen Harry’s auror persona - Harry knows that even Ron and Hermione get spooked when he’s in the zone (not to forget the Death Eaters that are absolutely terrified of his cold fury and ruthlessness during interrogations) so he makes sure that Teddy knows nothing about what he’s like when he’s at work. Teddy knows a lot about Harry’s school life and he knows how important he was to the war and Voldemort’s defeat but sometimes he can’t help but wonder why everyone is so scared of the man that cries with him whenever they watch The Lion King

Speaking of Disney, Bambi is James, Sirius and Harry’s favourite movie (RIP James and Sirius you would’ve loved Bambi II) - little Harry never knew why he liked the movie so much until Prisoner of Azkaban where he had that epiphany like ‘oh’

Also also speaking of Disney, ‘Baby Mine’ and ‘You’ll Be In My Heart’ are so Harry and Teddy coded I can’t even (around 6 years ago I made a HP playlist and I had those songs for Harry and Teddy because they just encapsulate those boys so well)

In one of my super old WIPs I wrote that Harry is more than just Teddy’s godfather, he’s his father, brother and best friend and I think that speaks for itself - like they have a band that no one can ever even comprehend because they understand each other so much on every level and I feel like Harry’s closer to Teddy than his own bio kids, not in the favouritism/love level but more of a ‘Harry can tell him things that he can’t tell his children because he’s just their dad but to Teddy he’s more than that’

I wrote a (completely horrible and I can’t believe I actually published that on the internet) fic where Harry was Teddy’s first word and then the next words were ‘luv u’ because Teddy aged 0 - 10 is head empty only immeasurable love for Harry (10+ is the same but he pretends that he’s more of a grown up)

Harry comes into Official Ministry/Hogwarts business with a beaming Teddy protectively held in his arms and when the stuffy Ministry Heads/Professors give him looks he’s like ‘he asked for uppies - what did you expect? For me to deny his uppies … like a monster’ and no one would say anything because 1) you would incur the wrath of Harry Potter and would be on his blacklist until his dying breath and 2) Edward Remus Lupin is the poster child for cuteness who has done no wrong ever and anyone who has something against him literally has no soul

You’d think that being raised with Dudley (and knowing Malfoy), Harry would be against needlessly spoiling a child but Harry ‘I wanted to buy a solid gold cauldron when I was 11’ Potter is the son of James ‘if I don’t get my newborn a dozen sets of £1000000 blankets, I would actually die’ and the godson of Sirius ‘I know I’m on the run and homeless and starving and currently in the middle of a revenge plot 12 years in the making with over a dozen dementors and highly trained aurors and wizards on my tail but my godson needs a broom and only the best of the best that has literally just come out a month ago will do’ Black so if he wants to spoil Teddy then he’s spoiling his kid dammit

Harry James ‘I’ve-been-wearing-the-same-shirt-for-seven-years’ Potter definitely buys enough shoes for a less than 15 month old Teddy that will make a Kardashian jealous

Ron, catching Harry brooding: what’s wrong, mate?

Harry: I only told Teddy that I love him twenty times today when it’s usually twenty-five. What if he thinks I hate him????

Ron: *completely done*

But Teddy never ends up spoiled. He’s just an adorable ball of sunshine that’s polite to everyone and has the sweetest smile and personality and everyone loves him (he also uses his cuteness by pretending to be sleepy to get Harry out of public appearances and social situations)

No no but like imagine the Gryffindor class of ‘91 meeting up at a pub for old times’ sake and everyone’s expecting the sassy little angst ball that was the Harry Potter they shared a dorm with/went to school with only to find him playing ‘here comes the train’ as he spoon feeds Teddy his lunch 

I can’t think of a nickname Harry would call Teddy (like Sirius’ pup or prongslet) but I do think that he always refers to him as ‘my godson’ more than his actual name because he’s just so damn proud of having someone as perfect as him as his family

Okay okay so my favourite of all time fanfic trope is the next gen kids travelling back to OOTP and meeting their parents/those who died and I’ve only ever read one where it was just Harry and Teddy so I wrote a WIP of a non-shipping/genfic with Harry, Hermione and the Weasleys (w/ Fred because I refuse to let him die) and Neville (because I love him) with a six year old Teddy travelling back to OOTP and everyone from the Marauder’s Era and earlier are just blown away with Harry and Teddy’s relationship because he literally is as obsessed with his godson as much as Sirius is with his - and Teddy literally refuses to leave Harry’s side

And at one point Older!Harry and Sirius get into a half playful half serious fight over who’s godson is the best and it includes embarrassing baby stories, childhood anecdotes and Older!Harry’s ever present baby album whilst younger!Harry and Teddy are just red faced (and pink haired) over the entire thing and everyone else watches in amusement. Then Teddy’s all like ‘someone is disagreeing with Harry I must defend my godfather’s honour’ (the same mindset that results in Teddy arguing with Snape over how Harry’s the best godfather ever and the potion master's a meanie who doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as him as Sirius, Ron and Neville cheer him on in the sidelines (Teddy doesn't actually say that last part but he thinks it really hard so he hopes that it was conveyed)) so this tiny little sunshine theatre kid in all his itty bitty glory stands in front of Harry and reams into Sirius about how Harry’s his godfather and his godfather’s always right about everything and Sirius is just struggling to hold in his laughter which makes Teddy think it’s an attack on his height so he asks Harry to carry him so that he can continue his very important points

okay okay okay anon i’m just gonna say it: i am absolutely in love with your brain and this ask and just. i want all your ideas. please give me more i’m begging.

i’m posting this w/o much commentary bc i don’t want to run the risk of this languishing in my drafts bc i’m an idiot but just!!!’ yes!!!! to everything u said!!! teddy is absolutely harry’s salvation and he unapologetically loves and adores his godfather and they have the sweetest most envious relationship and it’s just. good.

[fabdante]

20 Questions For Fic Writers

I was tagged by my dear friend @thevampireauthoress on this post ! I tag all the fic writers who follow me and see this because I want to see what you guys are up to!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Five! I write every day but only started posting fan fic a year ago and I have more I'm cleaning up to post!

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 36,380

3. What fandoms do you write for?

A Lot. If post about it odds are I've written something about it in some form or another.

The ones I have public fics for are DmC: Devil May Cry and ATLA. I frequently write for World of Warcraft (mostly ocs) privately though and have been making my way back to TF2, Borderlands, and Bioshock works lately.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Since I have only five I can give the whole rundown asdfghj the Zutara fics are, unsurprisingly, the heavy hitters

An Inexact Science

Detours

Pinky Promise

Crossroads of Catharsis and Contemplation

A Series of Mild Prophesies

Also the stats chart cracks me up:

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! I get to most of them! Sometimes when a fic is older and someone just leaves a short little 'this was nice!' or whatever, I don't respond but other then that I do. I get very excited when anyone likes any of my works asdfghjkl

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Uh...probably Swan Song, which is yet to be posted. Swan Song will definitely probably have the solidly most angst filled ending.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Just limiting myself to what's already posted on AO3, anything in the Circumnavigators of Celestial Bodies series so far has had pretty happy endings. It's not tinged with the like dramatic irony of anything in Drafting A Swan and both fic's thus far in Circumnavigators end on fairly positive notes I think

8. Do you get hate on fics?

As of now, no

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I have but I haven't published any of it yet and I'm not sure I will ever. My favorites to write are definitely monsterfucking related, followed by more general kink but like monsterfucking is the best to write.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I am an avid lover of crossovers, particularly crazy crossovers. I feel like I have several contenders for the most crazy.

First up would be the massive multi fandom high school au my girlfriend and I developed containing like every video game we liked at the time which I still sometimes write because I find the character dynamics fascinating but I doubt, due to the highly niche nature of this crossover, that it'd ever see the light of day (if you ever wanted August Borderlands and Rachel Amber Life Is Strange to talk on the roof of a trailer in the trailer park they both live in though, I am the gal to ask I guess because boy do I have that and I will provide)

Second up would be in a similar vein but like somehow even less attached to any of the serial numbers qualifying it as fan fic. That one is set in a Bioshock AU where Rapture lasted until the 80s somehow under different leadership. It is also a massive multi fandom AU but this time with gang warfare under the sea in a very AU'd version of Rapture. Similarly, it will never see the light of day with the serial numbers attached because it is just so niche as it is that like...I have no idea who would want to read that asdfghjkl I rarely write it anymore despite loving a lot of the concepts and dynamics, and I feel like it'd just be more effective to just rip off the remaining serial numbers and let it be free if I ever wanted to publish it somewhere.

Third craziest is perhaps less crazy but just very weird. But I have an ongoing series of fics where Brigid Tenenbaum from Bioshock 1 and Booker Dewitt from Bioshock Infinite just sort of hang out in this space beyond time and space and just get very cerebral about their oddly parallel lives and similar traumas because a hill I will die on is that they are the parallels of one another between those games, not anyone else. They're very written 'For Fabdante' so they are not very polished and I call them 'Bioshock Void Fics'

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I am aware of

13. Have you ever co-authored a fic?

When I was waaay younger yes! Those are really old and locked away on fanfiction.net though.

14. What is your all time favourite ship?

Vergil and Kat/Verat from DmC: Devil May Cry. They are my everything.

15. What is a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I never want to say never because I do intend to finish these things but here's two:

I have this ATLA fan fic tentatively titled Avatar Champloo which isn't exactly a crossover, more just like an Avatar story featuring the Ba Sing Se kids (Jet, Zuko, and Jin) that plays homage to the vibes and general essence of Samurai Champloo, extrapolating on the already very heavy Samurai Champloo vibes of ATLA. Samurai Champloo is like one of my all time favorite shows so living up to it has been a tall order for me and I fear I will never finish this fic asdfghjk.

I have a few Zelda/Zelgan WIPs that I fear I will never finish. One being a very long one shot based off the idea of a Zelgan romance from the perspective of a bodyguard Link which I'm really fond of, but just have a lot of trouble editing. To give perspective, it was the first fic I ever considered publishing on AO3. And it's still not done to satisfaction for me and thus, not my first fic on AO3.

Obligatory Swan Song (my really long multichapter DmC: Devil May Cry, Verat based, prequel) mention. I don't doubt I'll finish it one day exactly, but when that day will be is far beyond my comprehension asdfghjk

16. What are your writing strengths?

Uh...ngl I have no idea lmaooooo I like how I handle small moments, I guess. Most of what I like to write is small moments between people, and I think I'm pretty ok at that. I'm good at rambling.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Writing multichapter things, I feel. Because I like small moments too much, I struggle to keep things relevant I feel. The biggest issues with Swan Song, I think, are just there being a lot of useless scenes. I struggle a lot with knowing how long scenes should be in something thats more then a one shot and how to transition between those scenes effectively.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in fic?

I don't know any other language confidently enough to write it, so it's not something I ever do nor have an opinion on. I do write a lot of multilingual characters, and when I do I just tend to write the dialogue in italics then notate that the character is now speaking another language in the descriptor so that the reader knows what the italics mean.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Probably ATLA when I was a waaay younger. Writing Circumnavigators has been a return to my roots, I suppose, asdfghjk

20. Favourite fic you've written?

My favorite posted fic is definitely Crossroads of Catharsis and Contemplation. It's got everything for me and is exactly the type of thing I love to write the most.

Unposted? Depending on how it goes, I might have a runner up that is a preboot DMC fic which is a grunge band AU told through excerpts from a biography novel and the interviews within about said grunge band. Similarly, it has everything for me and is exactly the type of thing I love to write asdfghjkl

Thank you again for tagging me!! And once again, I mean it when I say please count yourself as tagged by me if you want to answer these because I really, really would love to see what you guys are writing!!

[chainofhyrule]

just finished reading your “The sounds of the night” and ajdhdkjdkdndkdjsodj. I'm soft. gosh i started to tear up fr, such a perfect piece.

AND i had a thought, time is just the perfect size to cuddle up into, I'm sure he's so warm too, but... do you think he'd be the type to nuzzle up to reader, like, hiding his face in their chest or neck, just getting soft for being allowed to forget all about his past and live that single moment, hearing to their heartbeat while thinking of a possible future that would be so much calmer than he'd ever expected it to be. the moment were his hero mask could be peeled off and he'd be just himself, just... Link.

idk, the thought hit me so suddenly and i thought it'd be good to share.

I hope you're doing well dearie,

from your dear Shroomie ~

and i got a tag!!! jakdndsknxkd, thanks lovely!!!!

ASDFGHJKL—

OHHHHHHMYGOD I LOVE THIS 😍😍😍

Thanks much for sharing with us Shroomie!!!

100% — This man deserves his break okay??? 😭😭😭 Let him freaking cuddle 😭😭😭 Let him feel safe 😭😭😭

It’s kinda funny tho—most people love putting their blorbos through horror, and don’t get me wrong I love writing a good angst fic as much as the next guy, but meanwhile I’m just over here like—

lEt ThEm CuDdLe AnD bE lOvEd DaMmIt!!!!!!!!!

[pedrospatch]

Chapter 5 was amazing, I inhaled it as soon I saw it I love it so much.

The angst with Ellie and peach? Oh that conversation hurt me deeply, but at the same time it felt much needed for both of them. Ellie needs someone to trust in, the two of them needed that to be honest. Peach needed that hug real bad, i can't imagine living lonesome for so long, surrounded by people who think they know but they don't :(( and Ellie, I know Peach is probably not (yet) a mother figure for her but I'm glad Ellie could let all that guilt and pain, she was holding for so long, go and just hear someone tell her the truth: it's not her fault. She deserves to be alive.

Another thing I loved about their conversation it's that Ellie told reader the truth as well, she doesn't need to justify Luke actions towards her or blame herself for her marriage. I'm glad Ellie was there to reminder her that.

Now...about Joel and peach. This was me:

THE SMUT? PEACH HOLDING HERSELF ON THE PORCH TRYING NOT TO FALL BC THAT MAN WAS EATING HER VAJAJAY LIKE A STARVE MAN AND COULDN'T EVEN LET A SINGLE SOUND OUT BC 1. ELLIE WAS AWAKE 2. ON THE FRONT PORCH

LORD- when I said, you ate it with that smut THAT GOOD??!?!?!?!? GIRL I WAS LITERALLY TRYING NOT TO SCREAM WHILE READING IT

AMAZING. 10/10 as always. AHHHHH

Just fucking great. And in the end, when they both knew, silently agreed to make it a regular thing, I JUST KNOW THE PLOT IS ABOUT TO GET SPICY THIS IS THE START OF EVERYTHING and i can't wait to see what's gonna happen! 💗

You did amazing!!!! Be proud of yourself, those 7k! You did that!! I love it 💗

omg can I just like…hug the hell out of you rn?! 🥹🫶🏼

tbh that scene between Ellie and Peach wasn’t originally supposed to be that long or that deep and Ellie still wasn’t supposed to reveal her story or her bite, but idk I rewrote it and it just somehow fit perfectly/worked out! Like the way it starts off where they’re just talking about reader’s life and then boom Ellie drops everything on her and it just strengths their bond asdfghjkl I’m so glad I made it as long as I did! even though it pushed the chapter to 7k words 💀😂

OHHH HOOOOO YES ON THE FRONT PORCH 😮‍💨 like can you IMAGINE trying to be quiet while JOEL MILLER IS GIVING YOU TOP TIER O-SEX?! Jesus I would’ve woken up the entire fucking commune lmao I’m glad the smut didn’t disappoint! 😏

TYSM for leaving me your thoughts bb! 🩷

[ricochetingtears]

𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐮𝐧

BASICS

name: angela pronouns: she/her zodiac sign: cancer taken or single: single

THREE FACTS

one: i started weight lifting last summer and i’m obsessed!! two: i love dissecting tv shows with friends and analyze characters and that’s might be the reason i love rp so much three: i can’t live far away from the ocean

EXPERIENCE

platforms used: oof i’ve used many it’s been almost 15 years LMAO but tumblr is the one i’ve used for the longest plotting / winging it / memes: memes!!!!!!!!!!!! but it means winging it as well but i do love some good plotting

MUSE PREFERENCE

gender: i’ve returned to my men since the pandemic lmao but i still prefer my girls multi or single muse: right now, it’s multi for sure. i don’t have time to dedicate to a single blog and i feel like the rpc isn’t as receptive to crossovers as much so it’s hard when your single muse is from a small fandom and thankfully people are more welcoming to multis least favourite fcs: i have a few i simply don’t like and it’s either due past interactions or just because i don’t like their faces asdfghjkl

FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT

fluff: it has become a favourite if done right ngl. before 2020 angela would be shook angst: okay so it’s still the one that i will jump head on and will always have some brainstorm to do. i also always find a way to bring it to my plots, there’s just no way it’s not present asdfghjkl smut: it’s a big no, i simply can’t write anything explicit without getting the ick and i overthink every single word if a thread even gets closer lmao i’m okay with headcanons though!

tagged by: @lindscys mentioned me in hers so i consider it a tag tagging: @misereternal, @danviers, @lingeringscars, @lgbtcorp, @eydetik, @jasperrs

[writingmochi]

(with my own reviews in parentheses)

I posted 133 times in 2022

That's 105 more posts than 2021! (that's why i didn't post my 2021 ver)

62 posts created (47%)

71 posts reblogged (53%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@/writingmochi (ofc)

@/sozosnipes (mutual uwu)

@/luhv4won (we banter on their review of my work)

@/s-9in (we banter on their review of my work pt. 2)

I tagged 132 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#ignore the ramble - 24 posts (yes i ramble a lot)

#rsc: time wave - 23 posts (might be more when i finish the soobin spin-off)

#sc: regina - 18 posts (it's probably 21+ if combined with the ones i posted in 2021)

#research update by the moon - 17 posts (yes i update stuff)

#milestone of the moon - 14 posts (so many milestone yas)

#txt scenarios - 14 posts (sorry to the engenes that follow me x5)

#txt imagines - 14 posts

#cs: txt - 14 posts

#txt x reader - 14 posts

#txt fluff - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 136 characters

#we do love feedback :d even though i myself do appreciate likes as well meaning that you've read/you are interested in reading our works (so true bestie)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5 (the comeback after two months, huh?)

chapter v. blue period

cast: grunge kid!yeonjun ✗ art student/painter!fem.reader

synopsis: you’re an out-of-place art student living in your childhood hometown, pursuing your dream of becoming a painter. one day, you were given a mysterious responsibility as you try to not get your childhood best friend killed

genre: coming of age, college/university au, childhood best friend au, supernatural au, angst, fluff, mature content (sensitive topics and explicit smut)

based on: video game life is strange (2013)

word count: 8605

taglist? closed

warning(s): suggestive (a direct continuation of the last episode), nudity, attempted suicide (this is a safe place carrd for awareness and resources, you can reach out to me by anon if you need someone to talk to), blood, mention of bullying, implicit mention of mental breakdown, implicit mention of self-harm (if i forgot some, let me know)

message from the moon: remember that this story is fiction. do be careful and read the warnings at the top as both the chapter and the series as a whole will contain serious and sensitive topics.

thank you for waiting for two months for this chapter. not gonna lie, this is the hardest chapter to write because of the subject matter + gaining the time and right head space to write them down as i want it to focus on the characters and what they’ve gone through to reach there instead of the actions they do. nonetheless, i hope you will like it and if the subject matter is too hard for you, you don’t have to read it…

masterlist

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91 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

#4 (new episodes coming soon asdfghjkl)

“smirch” episode 1: heeseung

cast: student council president & bad boy!heeseung ✗ friend’s sister!fem.reader

synopsis: lee heeseung was given the responsibility of being the student council president of decelis high. yet, he’s living a double life, being the resident “bad boy” outside of his academic career. well, he can balance them out with the help of a few people with very diverse characters he proudly calls his friends. one day, he found another person joining the group. you, his friend’s younger sister

genre: teen drama, coming of age, slice of life, high school au, fluff, comedy, angst, mature content (drugs, suggestive themes, mental health)

based on: tv shows skins uk; specifically gen 1 banner intro video inspired by series 1′s opening (2007-2013) and skam norway (2015-2017)

word count: 25701 (25.7k)

warning(s): mc has sleep deprivation, mention of parental infidelity, mention of nudity, mention of drugs and consumption of drugs (cigarette and marijuana) (if i forgot some, let me know)

message from the moon: remember that this story is fiction. do be careful and read the warnings at the top as both the chapter and the series as a whole will contain serious and sensitive topics.

hi! i’m so excited to finally be releasing this lmao and i want to say sorry for the delay cause i accidentally delete one part of the story that is final so i had to take more time to rewrite/re-edit that part as good as i can. but hey it’s finally here and very ambitious project indeed. i’ve also opened an ask my character/behind the writing content for this series that you can check out right here. enjoy the messiness!

masterlist

you've always heard the phrase 'the night is young', but surely it goes older as time passes.

colours of blue, pink, and gold embrace the dawn sky as you stroll on the pavement of your neighbourhood from your nightly rendezvous with your friends, feeling all the energy softens in your body after experiencing a whole different part of the universe from your usual teenage life, shedding all the troubles away for a night of fun and freedom. but all of them must end when the hint of the sun peeks from the east.

wrapping your hands around yourself in your thin-layered clothes as you step past the other houses to your home, the make-up on your face smudged from the greasy foods and beverages you consume, your eye-lined eyes smeared and messier than when you put them on the previous night. spring's cold weather greets you with a sudden blow of wind as you cowered for the warmth of your body heat. when you see the silhouette of your destination with the sun peeking behind it, you pick your phone up from your pocket, pressing a speed dial to the only boy you can put your trust in.

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93 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

#3 (makes sense cuz the tension between them ughhhh)

chapter iv. twin flames

cast: grunge kid!yeonjun ✗ art student/painter!fem.reader

synopsis: you’re an out-of-place art student living in your childhood hometown, pursuing your dream of becoming a painter. one day, you were given a mysterious responsibility as you try to not get your childhood best friend killed

genre: coming of age, college/university au, childhood best friend au, supernatural au, angst, fluff, mature content (sensitive topics and explicit smut)

based on: video game life is strange (2013)

word count: 7801

taglist? closed

warning(s): mention of drugs (marijuana), alcohol consumption, explicit sex, unprotected sex (be safe!), handjob (m & f receive), oral job (m & f receive), cockwarming (if i forgot some, let me know)

message from the moon: remember that this story is fiction. do be careful and read the warnings at the top as both the chapter and the series as a whole will contain serious and sensitive topics.

probably one of the anticipated chapters of the series (cause it’s getting towards the steamier part). on a serious note, thank you so much for the love and a reminder that you can interact with the characters through beyond the wave! enjoy!!!

masterlist

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98 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

#2 (the collaboration moa and/or engene never expected)

“what do you think we are?” “me, you, us, all of us. we are stains to society.”

cast: txt and enhypen 01, 02, & 03 members ✗ fem.reader (featuring many other idols)

synopsis: ahh… teenage… people said that those times are the golden years of life. yet here you guys are, being the dirt that smeared it instead

genre: teen drama, coming of age, slice of life, high school au, fluff, comedy, angst, mature content (drugs, suggestive themes, mental health)

based on: tv shows skins uk; specifically gen 1 (2007-2013) and skam norway (2015-2017)

status: episode 1 out now! on an indefinite hiatus

message from the moon: this is fiction and all of the characters in this series are of age. yet, since it is set in a high school setting, there will be no explicit smut, only implications and suggestive contents. can be read as a standalone but all characters will show up starting from episode 1. so, if you’re a sucker for character arcs, i suggest reading from the beginning (just like a tv show) *thumbs up*

taglist? right here

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104 notes - Posted March 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022 (well freaking deserved *clap* *clap* and still one of my favorite things to write)

cast: jay ✗ fem.reader (ft. enhypen’s 02 line, billlie's sheon (kim suyeon), and other idols)

synopsis: crossroads have always been a part of your life. every zebra crossing you pass, every train interchange you go through, every hallway you walk in on your way to class, every eye you encounter with or without greeting. no one seems to dare to cross your tangled crossroads unless you cross it to meet them on the other side. that is until jay—a candidate for the student council president—has crossed one path with one single chocolate

genre: coming of age, bildungsroman, melodrama, slow burn, slice of life, realistic fiction, romance, high school au, fluff, angst

word count: 39366 (39.3k)

warning(s): self-inflicted harm, blood, explicit description of drowning, mention of bullying, mention of death by suicide

message from the moon: this story is fiction and will also have dialogues in different languages, translation of the dialogue will be put at the bottom of the fic and have numbers at the top to easily refer to. i'm sorry in advance if i got the translations wrong cause i'm still a beginner in the other languages and thanks for the translator app for helping *thumbs up* ! (y/f/n) = your full name. jay and jongseong will be used interchangeably. also, first time writing a (mostly) silent (but active) protagonist yey!

first thing first, welcome back to my blog after my one month+ break! this was supposed to be for jjongssaeng's birthday special one-shot but for reasons stated on my post about myself taking a break, i moved it back to june :] secondly, i wanna thank @orpheyeux cause i got to be introduced to the genre of melodrama (boost to 14 steps and welcome) through her writings or just more genres other than the usual fluff and angst umbrella. thank you for reading and i hope you enjoy it!

if this fic has a soundtrack album, it will be this playlist !

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299 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[minniepetals]

You best believe I'm going to reread and then SCREAM AND CRY in your inbox all over again, EVERY SINGLE TIME I REREAD. Because...its like the PAINFUL ANGST never lessens...EVER for me. It will always have the same visceral RAW PUNCH to the feels, to my shredded heart that I think it'll make me MORE AND MORE achier everytime I read. I MISSED SPAMMING YOUR INBOX!🥺😭 you'll see a lot more of me! Hope you've been eating and drinking well and taking care!

Listen. When we started this CMAR journey I didn't know or CARE how long it was going to be because its YOUR work and I will forever love, cherish and support every fic with all my heart

AND when it got longer I WEPT because YES. The "villain" arc showed somehow both growth...(?) Cos she moved on, she wasn't going to let herself be trampled upon again but it also was... heartbreaking too? Like an ACHY growth because she reached her breaking point...she was broken far BEYOND her breaking point but she's still alive. Even if is shes holding on to living for the sake of revenge, for the sake of getting BACK at what was taken from her, broken from within her...even if she lives with the burning grief and anger to make them PAY she's living. Because after the divorce I genuinely wondered if she'd maybe die 🥺😭 and the boys find out that way what they TRULY did... cos her "father" was the most worst monster...beast... DEMON I have not enough words for how much I cry with anger at the thought of him and the long line of filth and monsters that hurt her...

BUT. Point being...I'm forever going to stick with Y/N to the end. And then forever on after that. Because some stories LINGER. And this one has settled in my broken bruised heart. And will never leave.

For this beautiful heartwrenchingly painful angst. I will forever and always cherish and look after this era. For the MC of this world. However her story ends...it won't END you know??

ANYWAYS I'M BACK🥺 AND I MISSED YOU🥺🥺

asdfghjkl i'm so glad you're liking the angst lmao. personally for me, i'd like to read an angst piece after we've reached the end or at least have gotten to the fluff because i hate just being in the unknown and knowing i'll only hurt further and scream at characters and get all anxious about how things will go down. i think i just hate cliffhangers in general lmao (that's why i can't start an anime series or a kdrama that hasn't concluded yet cuz i'll always be wanting more and i'm too impatient to wait).