#ive never ever never completed a comic page....

[ittybittybumblebee]

started this random comic page n dont rlly know how 2 proceed w what i wanna do but i want to call it Lemon Meringue Pie

[sovaharbor]

still thinking about the hellfire gala . spoilers obviously. this turned into a massive fucking rant LOL

quite frankly ive gone off before about how much i hate shock value writing because i consider it to be lazy and the utmost sign of a writer who doesn't know what they're fucking doing, and that's. exactly. what this felt like. like reading it just felt insulting honestly. like i won't pretend that i didn't expect the krakoan era to end. i KNEW at some point they'd either get rid of it completely or just fuck them over somehow and taint the whole thing. but like, this was just......too much. and it was awful. lol. i keep using that word because it really was.

like 1) the deaths were graphic in a way i would not have expected for mainline x-men honestly. like that was a step beneath x-force imo. and it felt so ... idk. mean???? like it just felt like a slap in the face, "lol your fave that you voted for has just been violently eviscerated on panel the immediate next page after you were told they'd be part of the most diverse mainline x-men team we've had in recent years" anD THEN ALL THE OTHER ONES AFTER????? BOBBY MELTING TO DEATH IN FRONT OF HIS BOYFRIEND???? JEAN A PILE OF BONES IN THE WRECKAGE???? FUCKED UP FOR LITERALLY NO REASON OTHER THAN SHOCK VALUE

2) most of the deaths could have been entirely preventable, some of them didnt even make SENSE. illyana was not the only mutant capable of teleportation in the entire fucking gala, why did jean not stop everything sooner, why was lourdes the only one who died to the gunfire, etc etc etc. i mean it's a suspension of disbelief that's just. lazy. lmfao. because you HAVE to suspend your disbelief to not imagine this going any other way that didn't end in a literal massacre.

3) there were multiple plot points within this that just had zero build-up and were just thrown in to make things work, so, again, Lazy Writing. and again, we're supposed to just Roll With It.

4) i can't explain how fucked up it is to give the minority allegory people their own safe place to live and then absolutely DUNK ON IT the way they did in this. the x-men deserve a break. mutants deserve a break. this was just uniquely awful and i cannot explain how GROSS it just feels to see it happen.

ALSO SPEAKING OF MINORITY ALLEGORY PEOPLE????? the way they handwaved kamala being a mutant is also very fucking lazy and if they're really going to commit to it she deserved something better than the explanation we were given. her death was similarly handwaved in a way i *personally* really hate , like that should be legitimately traumatizing to her, she's just a teenager, idc about her being a superhero. she just pops out of an egg, finds out she's apparently a mutant, and is just .... chill with it??? also emma saying she's going to erase the memories of her being dead from her parents' minds is INSANE??? EMMA AND CHARLES PRESSURING A BROWN GIRL INTO ""COMING OUT"" AS A MUTANT WHEN SHE'S ONLY JUST LEARNED SHE'S ONE AND DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHAT HER POWERS ARE YET IS EVEN MORE INSANE AND SO SO SO WEIRD??????? LIKE DON'T YOU TWO HAVE JOBS, STOP IT

and like i don't know man! i don't know!!! i feel like none of this is very succinct and it's because i'm still SO upset over it but i legitimately was grossed out by this. it felt so awful to read. i had to force myself through the second half of it and i am pretty sure i had a mild panic attack over it. i don't understand how something like this could get continuously greenlit to the point of it going to print. it feels uniquely awful and if the krakoan era genuinely ends with another mutant genocide i really don't think i'm going to ever buy another marvel comic lol. or even if they somehow reverse said genocide, or it turns out it never actually happened, i still don't think i will honestly.

like granted i haven't read a ton outside of x-men stuff, but within the bubble of comics i have read, what other "group" of superheroes so routinely gets storylines that end with things like genocide and decimation and on-panel evisceration? the shock value in this is so disgusting and lazy and i don't even want to acknowledge it. there were such better ways to go about this and it's just disheartening to know they genuinely thought this was...a good idea? and i can't tell if they LEGITIMATELY thought it was good or if they thought the shock value -> everyone hates it -> "bad press is good press" pipeline was worth it... either option is not good, though. so idk.

there are parts of modern x-men i've really enjoyed, and i love the CONCEPT of krakoa, but i think the problem is you get a bunch of (usually) cishet white male culturally-christian writers trying to tackle the Minority Allegory™ characters and you end up with things like this. krakoa could have been so beautiful and meaningful if they weren't so liberal (and i mean this in a derogatory Democratic Liberal sort of way) with it. i wish we got more. i wish we got something better. and i'm not planning to read fall of x to be so for real, i'm gonna read About it like i have been ASM because i value my sanity much more than forcing myself to read awful garbage.

those are my thoughts, thank you!

edit: no actually one more thought. why the fuck was duggan so insistent on inserting kingpin into shit. why did he even matter. i don't give a fuck about kingpin i do't give a fuck about mary THIS IS THE X-MEN AND HE'S A FUCKING DAREDEVIL/SPIDER-MAN VILLAIN WHY ARE WE PAYING ANY AMOUNT OF ATTENTION TO HIM!!!! WHO FUCKING CARES!!!!!! WHY ARE WE WASTING DIALOGUE AND PAGE SPACE ON KINGPIN. WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH A HARD-ON FOR KINGPIN, DUGGAN. WHAT THE FUCK

[wholemleko]

updates ig???

(reposted from my deviantart)

so i guess this is like. my plans for the future or at least where i feel like im at when it comes to comics and such.

tl;dr - bird of death is my main project now and everything else is in uncertain limbo

details under the cut:

first thing is just, the state of my projects. bird of death, which im posting now, has completely taken over my brain and its something i enjoy working on much more because its part of a bigger project that im working on with a group of 6 other people and ultimately i think art is a social thing for me. at this point ive also got a 115+ page buffer which ive never even come close to before, so i feel very much at ease about being able to put it out into the world without the months long hiatuses ive gone on with my other comics. plus, it has elements in it that are largely influenced by ideas from my previous projects which i guess leads me to my next point...

which is that im growing burnt out of my older comics. i had for a long time. i occasionally experience moments where i really love my old stories again and give myself the impression that im ready to get back into them, but then it always ends up being temporary and fizzling out again just a week or so later. like venturing. i spent years working on it and theres so much left of the story for me to tell, things that i am still excited to show. but at the same time, its a story i started when i was 16 and i guess this happens to a lot of creators, but my writing style is so different now and when i look back at it i cringe. theres also the factor that felix is almost like an undercooked version of my protagonist in bird of death (for reasons that have only vaguely been revealed). so when i think about writing his story it just feels like. he's the same guy but more poorly put together by a younger me.

this same thing goes for another comic project that ive never shared publicly but which ive been working on for just as long as ive been working on venturing. its actually the story im using for my final project for my degree lmao. the characters in it that im most invested in feel like early drafts for characters from bird of death... the catharsis of writing them has moved to this new story. my old projects just feel like early drafts of this new one but wearing different clothes. they are all born of the same train of thought.

then theres the matter of my fancomics. children of decay is so early on and undercooked that i barely have anything to say about it except that i still love the idea of having a warriors comic, but man i am just not invested in it the way i am with bird of death. (also the fact their titles are so similar... feels silly lol).

my moomin fancomics are a whole other matter... im not the writer for them, and theres still a ton of content that i wanted to cover. im still only in the first chapter of blackthorn tree, and i wanted to adapt 4 more fics afterwards. they are stories that i love, and which continue to be very dear to me, but the inspiration that gave me is, again, now being channeled into my newest project. i guess that makes sense, given that my protagonist was originally made to be a moomin oc. ive also felt increasingly disconnected from the moomin fandom, not because i like the series itself any less, but the fandom landscape is just very different from what it was. another factor is that i did actually have the rest of chapter 1 almost finished, but i lost all those files when my old ipad got fried and this really bummed me out, just a further discouragement.

putting all these things on the backburner feels bad. i dont like saying that i dont know when or even if i will come back to certain projects. i know lots of people enjoyed what i was making, especially venturing and the moomin comics. but i just cant find it in myself to commit to them again now that this new project has pretty much overtaken me, and i dont know if that commitment will ever come back. this isnt to say that i am putting an end to any of them or that im quitting them. just that they are not the thing i am committed to, and i am putting them into uncertain limbo. it feels smarter to concentrate my energy on a project i am much more devoted to now, which is very developed, and which i am making alongside other people who are also very devoted to the greater project.

if u got this far thanks for reading, and thanks to all those who've supported me over the years in my creative endeavors

[teshief]

BUCKLE UP its time for me to ramble a ton

1. HEAVEN DESIGN!! WHAT A NIGHTMARE!

just kidding but also, we know nothing about heaven. the only thing we know is that the Vulcan is made from heaven parts, but only a little bit. same with the RRH. i took that idea and ran!

overall: stained glass windows, bricks and marble, and general church-looking aesthetics are what inspired all of heaven.

theres several locations in the comic though! the library is probably the easiest, it’s just a huge library. unfortunately we dont get to see most of it, but paz and judge arent really supposed to be there. not that theyre not allowed, just that the work there is usually done by other angels. think of it like the heaven equivalent of heirophants, who do the Hell bookkeeping. there’s the temple of law, full of all law knowledge. heaven has the same!

the THRONE ROOM. its pretty big, but also not that big. it has to be huge because the All has to fit in there, but thats also a setting that isnt explored too much (yet :3). the room is entirely designed to be focused on the All- the throne is right in the middle, down a long corridor that points straight to it. there’s a skylight directly above the throne, and behind it are rows of angels singing in praise. everything in that room is supposed to draw your eye to the All. its a little self-obsessed.

the indoor pond (and the area surrounding it) are very different. very little time passes between the throne room and paz getting to the indoor pond (maybe 15 minutes or so?) but everything is dark! thats cause the pond (im gonna keep calling it that cause i have no name for this area of heaven?) actually takes place in a different uh... heaven realm? theres different Hells, but collectively, theyre all hell. there’s different Heavens, but theyre part of heaven! this part of heaven is a perpetual nighttime, but the ground glows. the atmosphere is like being on the edge between earth and space- the sky is dark, the stars are very visible, the air is thin. the ground glows because without that, it would be completely dark other than the stars. the building itself is just an indoor pond, which paz really enjoys. if hes not busy, hes usually just hanging out in there, which is why judge knew exactly where to go when she left the throne room. they hang out in there a lot to talk shit on heaven

the sky bridge / cathedral city? that the recent pages showed- the most ambitious background ive probably ever done??- is probably the most populated heaven. its like... main street? theres tons of churches, cathedrals, whatever you wanna call em. this is where the all’s self-obsession is on full display. if you look closely, a lot of the designs resemble the all, usually the giant eye. even the pond has that design:

but overall, its kind of a comfy heaven. there are tons of bridges that lead to wherever you need to go- again, like a main street kinda thing. the bridges have NO RAILS OR SECURITY because angels can just hover so theyre not in danger. unknown should Not have been up there.

there is one more location we’ll visit before the comic is over, but... ah, youll see :3

2. JUDGE’S NAME

have you ever watched kill bill? you know how they censored the main characters name like, almost the entire time?

i battled with this question for like A While. throughout the storyboarding process of comic, i debated on giving judge an actual name, because it would never be revealed. its important for Reasons I Cant Say Yet. there are tons of dialogue bits that hint at who she becomes, and of course if youve played the game you already know judge’s fate. but before being the judge, who was she?

i also wanted to have that same kind of... i hate to say it, silliness of paz’s name. you go an entire game hearing smooth-talkin ol’ paz, and then it is revealed that his name is PAZELIUS. the entire ending monologue caught me so off guard because like, shes the only one who calls him pazelius. which is why she does in the comic, she very rarely uses his nickname. anyway im getting off track. eventually i did give judge a name, and i call her by that name very often to differentiate devil juj and comic juj.

-

3. FAVORITE SONG

you can’t make me choose. oh god. i think its a tie between leviathan and poetry of cinder but if i HAD to choose, leviathan is my top one. it just. shreds, dude. i listen to every song on the soundtrack on repeat except silent no more because theyre all just really good but that ones definitely gotten the most replays.

-

yawns stretches cracks back etc man....... i rambled so much in here. but behind the scenes stuff is so fun

[suhmayzooka]

brooding batdad and his slightly more emotionally intelligent robins

"i don’t mind being a team with solo careers. in fact, i want it that way... maybe i’ll avoid what dick grayson went through—forced to leave just to find out who i am... so i don’t need to be at your side every time. just don’t freeze me out completely.”

“never.”

in this issue (batman #526) alfred comments that bruce has been working alone lately, and this is in the wake of knightfall so we’re all concerned with bruce overworking himself. bruce admits he’s still grieving jason 

and is concerned tim robin is a liability on the field (bruce: “maybe i’m still affected, being too cautious, but whether the problem is tim or me, robin can be a distraction”)  because crime’s getting more dangerous and he won’t lose another robin again dammit

turns out he knew tim was within earshot of this but since it’s so emotionally vulnerable he would rather discuss his deep feelings via facilitating tim’s eavesdropping instead of, like, talking to tim directly. of note this is like 10 issues after prodigal where the climax of that was dick and bruce's Moment

“i didn’t have the right to call you back” “...the right? i’d die for you, bruce.” (ಥ﹏ಥ) 

“but that’s the way it always is, isn’t it? between fathers and sons.” yeah okay this is like one of my favorite scenes ever and ive only been in this fandom for a few months and my heart’s skewered IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT DC

and then two of my other fav scenes of (1) dick yelling at bruce for making jason robin only for bruce to admit that he was lonely after dick left and (2) dick yelling at bruce after jason died only to get bruce’s fist in his face. 

(side note, yes obviously it is not good to hit your kids and i cringe whenever bruce lifts a hand to hit them but he’s very distressed and the grief the pain the angst the hurt it’s so RAW this is why people like soap operas, we want DRAMA. unless the comic’s written by one of the... less good writers... there’s narrative reason for bruce to hit his kids. i won’t get into where i stand on the “is bruce an abusive father” discourse)

back to batman 526, ofc a few pages later batman and robin defeat the bad guys and tim takes the initiative on the ride home to tell bruce his feelings

god i love this family the robins are so integral to bruce as a character and as a person, they force him into these uncomfortable Emotionally Vulnerable moments where he has to admit that he has feelings. honestly i think bruce wouldve died a few years into the job without robin but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

there’s the constant pattern of bruce acting out like this, pushing the robins away out of his own grief and fear and pain, and it’s especially explicit here with him quietly trying to keep tim away because he’s not over jason, and never will be. it’s just something i find interesting about bruce’s character—pushing people away not because he’s the cold brooding bat but because he’s scared to lose them. it's all trauma

i do appreciate tim flat out stating that he’s fine working more as a team with individual solo careers—that’s how i personally see and prefer the batfamily, rather than one group that has to be together for every case 24/7, but to each their own

anyway i have no thesis or anything, it’s like 10pm and i just finished class and wanted to vomit my bat feelings into the tumblr void

[stackthedeck]

Hiiiii hello I, (A person who wrote an egregiously long ask about the lack of Tropes TM in the spideytorch page among other things. I will not delude myself into thinking im the only person to do such a thing bc imo! Everyone should! i hope u recieved like 200+ asks/messages/comments about spideytorch bc i think they deserve it) just read ur new fic and !!!! You are so right about literally everything the WAY you did journalist Peter 🤌🤌 his career lending itself to hyjinks and meet cutes is literally all ive ever wanted if i could directly send u all the seretonin this fic gave me i would! Much love have a great day <3

(Also i do have to comment on how funny it was to me that once u started writing the spideytorch fic like half of ur content became I HAVE NEVER ONCE READ A FANTASTIC FOUR COMIC I HAVE TRICKED YOU ALL like u say that and yet you wrote Johnny perfectly. Canon is just a suggestion anyway)

Anon I am screaming crying throwing up etc wishing I could give you all the serotonin this ask and your other ask and THE TAGS ON THE FIC POST gave me back to you because oh my gosh I love you anon!!

okay but listen here's the thing I haven't read a fantastic four complete run or even a complete volume. All of my knowledge of Johnny Storm comes from fanfic, his appearances in spider-man comics we need to talk about how adorable he is in friendly neighborhood spider-man (2019), the Spider-Man/Human Torch (2005) team-up comic, and like the few issues of the fantastic four I will pick up only because Spider-Man is there. I have made friends with so many people that actually know shit about comics on tiktok and it's only a matter of time before they realize that I'm just really really weird about spider-man and know next to nothing about anything else

[scruffyssketchbook]

im glad your moving more towards comedy and doing what you love for the comic! personally I've always been a big "plot" fan- I just love that for a story that is seemingly so silly and funny and childish on the outside, it has layers and character development and tragedy, yet can still remain happy and upbeat and goofy and, well, stupid. I'm not sure if you've ever watched Centaurworld, but SSEC gives me similar vibes of a story about a tragedy that lives in a super comedic/"magical" world that balances the tragedy and comedy together instead of completing becoming one or the other.

personally, ive never thought of SSEC as depressing? never once, even on the most darkest pages, have I thought of it as depressing. "edgy," perhaps, but I liked that, because it was a silly kind of edgy. an edgy that is serious- these characters' emotions and stories are real to them and they have their bad days, their absolutely awful days, but they can still do silly things.

i mean, Harmony, Miku, Bow, and similar are all my favorite characters. i loved Miku for being (or at least acting/pretending to be) insane in a yandere, "kill-for-my-true-love" kind of way, but also knowing she was Sora and that she had this wonderfully tragic story and that she wasn't a two-dimensional joke character but someone capable of love and wanting love and who could genuinely be nice and sweet and timid. I loved Harmony for being absolutely miserable, for being a character who feels so realistic because she wallows in her own misery and takes her anger out on everyone else when she really only has her self to blame in the end. I loved Bow for being a bully and a Mean Popular Girl who picked on Eve, and that she has her "reasons" for doing so but also she really has no excuse for bullying and excluding... and the backstory that she had once been so kind and caring to Eve! I ate it up! I also loved Eevui but i dont have a reason for loving him lmao

ive been loving the more "story driven" chapters recently, but i wont be sad to see a return to comedy focus. the fluffy outside was what drew me in anyway!

id also just like to say that i think the reason you couldnt find any real criticism is because your audience tends to skew younger? like, 10yo-kid vibes. kids who just really love pokemon and eevees especially and are just here for fun but are also kids and complain a lot and whine when things dont go there way. and if not younger, then, well, perverted, because the pokemon fandom is strangely perverted. which isnt to saw the entire SSEC fandom is either young or perverted (or both), just that it seems like a majority fall into one of two categories (on the Tumblr side of the fandom anyway, not sure what the Discord fandoms like!)

anyway i just love your work and im glad you can get back to enjoying it <3333

Author Chan: Ha ha ha, thank you so much!!!!! I am genuinely glad you enjoy the characters!!!

My goal is to keep the chapters story driven while plugging in the comedy more and making the drama less of a focus (it’ll still be there) also fixing a lot of plot things. (Like. A lot)

And, with the criticism thing. Ssec’s audience skews younger (I’d say middle school aged) but I was asking the more older fans. And like. They were CAPABLE of doing it cause after I started listening to ES fan stuff, the older, passionate ssec fans all of a sudden came together to criticize SSEC out of nowhere for hours on end. Best stuff I have gotten imo. It’s just that people were saying sorry to me for doing it after, which kinda shows why they didn’t do it beforehand. =w=;;

[sunnetrolls]

1, 2, 6, 8, 12, and 22!

im doing urs first. just for fun

my god holy moly this got so long readmore time

1. Show your most recent wip

pspspspps [waves the prospect of ship art in front of you] if you do artfight i'll draw concordia ex machina next

2. 5 favourites of your own work?

FIVE? i don't draw that much!!! hold on i'll go browse

In no particular order! Veylin's bust painting is my fav ive done of any of those, i'm still rlly proud of nohope and planhz's sprites, i reaaaaaally love how i did the color and overlays on that abby headshot, and the dogy is an artfight attack from last year that is everything i love about my older lineless art style!!!

6. Which artists inspire you right now?

Alright buckle up folks this is a longer one

So I'm gonna answer this in two parts basically. The first part is artists that inspired me to start drawing what I like, especially fantrolls-- so a lot of my friends really!! Wanting to be in this community is what made me start actually doing art as something I was passionate about!!!!! The second part is actually twitter artists that inspired me to actually renovate my art style, try new things, and actually grow as an artist in ways that I really just never did here before.

I know I'm gonna forget a lot of people but the ones that come to mind right away for people who had an Impact on me back in the day are !!U!! gabriel 8bit-mau5, newt indig0trolls, my friend max who's no longer in the community, my friend lumiet who doesn't even do fantrolls but is really cool, and god a lot of old blogs whos muns are just gone now..................... wistful sigh :(

BUUUUUT as for artists who made me want to actually grow again in my. Wait hold on

[sets out a sign that says CRINGE WARNING -- I LIKED DSMP IN LATE 2020-EARLY TO MID 2021]

Okay now that that's out of the way! Some of the artists who made me actually want to learn and change and GROW again are giraffeleggos, mielzy_png, and WolfyTheWitch on twt :3 Mielzy especially is an art streamer who has a huge focus on being introspective and taking criticism and wanting to grow and always be improving in a direction they want. Hella cool to see someone be like, never satisfied in a "i love art and drawing so i want to grow and do it as well as i can as a respect for the craft" type of way. I don't think any of these guys except for Wolfy are actually into dsmp anymore but when I got into their content they were all dsmp fanartists so.

Okay this is really long actually so I'll quit there. Wait no actually here's a list of a handful of folks whose art inspires me to keep learning nowadays (also mostly all my friends)-- nero ramgodd, roe roetrolls, dami ask-the-troll-boys, greg lordtonic, and an extra special shoutout to chase sasster for making me want to write again. I just wanna do the cool art stuff like my really awesome friends so bad yall

8. What do you like most about your own work?

Hrmmmmmmmmmmm okay this one is tough bc both I wanna say "nothing bc I have a lot of strengths" and "nothing bc there's always room for me to grow and improve so even my best strengths aren't as good as they could and will eventually be"

But like. I really like how I paint actually

12. Show your favourite drawing from this year

FROM THIS YEAR.... ok let's comb thru my art tag

Oh wait easy simple. The whole fuckin aliquid ex nihilo comic. That took me so goddamn long but it was a labor of love and I desperately want to do more 1-page song comics like that but unfortunately they take me like 2 weeks if I do full lineart and that shit sucks

There are a lot of things I want to redo on it that are also things I redid in the process of making this comic but as is the nature of being so used to drawing sprites I forget how to draw people in actual poses and also interacting with things. I still think overall just because also of how funky I got with the coloring, framing, the fact that this is the first comic ive ever planned and fully completed ever, etc. that this one's my fav thing I've drawn in 2022 thus far

22. When is your prime time to work on your art?

Nighttime and also whenever I'm medicated LMAO I can NEVER focus on drawing if I'm off my meds idk how I did it before

[thecherrygod]

Do you ever wake up from a dream and you know you're gonna have a day™

i feel like ive had a similar dream to this one a few times ago but also i feel like i have deja vus in dreams sometimes so im unsure. either deja vus or a moment of lucid dreaming that doesnt last enough, but i also tend to have recurring dreams so who knows, also if i think i know why something is happening in the dream i will put my opinion lmao anyways.

so. i was waiting for a bus, apparently the 125 (which is a mix of the two buses i usually took from my house, before we moved, to go to a few places) with the first friend i made in elementary school, who happens to be in three dreams ive had this month, also there were my first crush and some other guy. in theory we were going each to our houses, but instead i got on an appartment

in theory from what i think is another dream, i could just go to this woman for therapy whenever i felt it necessary, like just walk in and thats it. also if i couldnt pay her in money i could pay her in yogurt for some reason. so im just there, going as if i own the place, walking stairs in a white beige sterile looking building, and then entering the office, with a voice in the back of my head going 'you should have knocked' but i was already halfway through the door (ive been going through it kinda and thinking i should get therapy so i believe thatswhy i dream of going to therapy dhsdghdsgd)

at that moment im not me anymore, im some blonde woman with long hair, theres noise in there, the therapist talking to someone, and sounds like a baby. apparently she had a child not that long ago and it was there but in another room in the office thing. and so the blonde kind of. sits on the floor. lays there, talking to the therapist and apparently she therapist was gonna 'check their fortune' or future or something, in my brain what made sense is that the blonde was pregnant and the therapist was gonna tell her about her future child. also there was a tv in the room and it had a movie or something that was starring the blonde. apparently the movie was called something similar to 'degberaux' or something. im sure it ended in beraux but it started with a b and had a g in there too but... its unclear.

after that im me again and im in some sort of classroom thats empty except for someone who we used to be friends and it ended up badly and while its bc both of us i do feel very guilty about it. i sorta try to both ignore and aknoweledge her, first i sit on the complete opposite side of her, we have a hesitant small talk, in which i sit closer to her but from an angle i cant really see her face, and we talk a bit more but nothing else. more people start filling the room, a girl that went to school with me that i promised i was gonna invite her to my house to play videogames but i never did good on that promise (more guilt it seems lmao) and i talk more with her. i notice shes drawing some sort of comic with neat line art and i ask her about it, if its her own story and stuff. she says yes, shows me the pages which are mostly trees and plants and a single panel with a guy, and while im looking she says that shes been doing them like this bc her computer broke down and couldnt work on it digitally and was worried she forgot completely how that worked (something that literally happened to me last year so i know where that comes from)

then i am just. back at the therapists office, this time im me again, but now completely distraught, very stressed and at the verge of tears partially just bc paying therapy in yogurt is making me feel that even if that was the therapists idea. theres a kitchen table in the office, it has like.. holes in it but under the wholes its like theres sand under the table so you can still let things on the table with no risk of them actually falling to the floor. so i am attempting to pay my therapy session. with yogurt. its a 6 pack of creamy vanilla yogurt specifically from a brand from here which is common but relatively good quality, and i look at it from the outside, the. bowl or whatever now kinda transparent. and i begin panicking more, its barely there inside, and it looks brownish, kinda rotten, as if it was consuming itself, and i begin opening them and my therapist doesnt complain about that shes just kinda confused but like 'ah its fine ill eat them all together' and im like 'no. you wont. look at them. its. bad' so she looks over my shoulder and goes '... oh. the yogurt died' (i think this is because ive been spiralling the last few days bc of mayo for a few reasons tbh)

so yeah. the yogurt died. i was paying therapy in yogurt and the yogurt. died. so i just broke down. i started properly crying. at first she didnt know if she should aproach me but i guess she felt bad and did give me a hug which also sorta helped me calm down but i was also calming down bc irl i dont cry more than like 5 tears except i reach a specific point of breakdown also about the hug. i believe it to be unproffesional afaik but in the dream it was sort of comforting and also i think that whenever i get hugged in dreams i just do cry a lot which. man i think thats its own situation lmao) after that my phone was a bit stuck on one of the holes in the table and shes laughing a bit like 'im not so sure how youre gonna take it off there haha.. good luck' and i just put my hand in there and take it out almost like a puzzle piece with just a bit of force but nothing too difficult.

after that im now in a dining table surrounded by guys that have been classmates at different points in my life. just sorta talking. at this point is where i know that i have therapy whenever i want it/need it bc one of the guys that went to highschool with me (and got himself into an alcohol indused coma during out graduation party) had killed multiple people and im not sure if dream me had actually seen it happening with my own eyes or not but i got the image of blood splatters there as a memory so maybe)

after that we are leaving. its night, everything is dark, also the atmosphere is tense and a bit.. scary? maybe just bc its night. i am leaving with a girl. idk who, its almost like she could have been any of the three friends that i had seen before, or maybe all of them in one, im not really sure. and i think 'fuck i didnt say goodbye to my therapist properly' and i get a bit anxious but also full of guilt so i ask the girl to wait for me, ill go do that real quick.

i find my therapist, shes just there in a room that feels like a greenhouse mixed with an attic, kinda dark but since its made of glass you can see bc of outside lights. i get close like 'ma'am i am so sorry i didnt properly say goodbye to you and i also wanted to thank you' but she seems distant, cold, and maybe a bit angry. i still go back in for a hug and i am in fact tearing up again. she pats me in the back like when someone just gives you the quickest hug so it doesnt last a lot but you still know its sorta okay even tho maybe not fully okay. after that she breaks the hug and says 'if you are acting like this it means i am doing a good job' and she just. leaves. i try to follow her bc well im unwell i dont think i should be alone and it felt like she was abandoning me

so i get close to her, she looks at me how youd look at an animal, a pet, thats just following you everywhere, but also a bit.. disappointed at my behavior? and then when im about to fully reach her i woke up

[t00thpasteface]

Expanding on the ask about the TES fandom having stage IV terminal Hiatus-Brain (paging @allroadsstilllead and @pleasespellchimerical):

It's a blessing and a curse, really. I love that it's become such a close-knit, creative, and supportive community for all sorts of OCs, canon divergence art/fic, speculative worldbuilding, you name it. Honest, it's wonderful!

But (and I don't know how to say this next bit without sounding like a total wet-blanket buzzkill) when you spend far, far more time creating and engaging with completely fanmade fabrications than the actual games/canon, even if it’s beautiful and bespoke and very lovingly crafted, I think there's definitely a line you cross where canon-- the actual thing you claim to like-- is really just holding you back.

And I mean this in a completely 100% affectionate, positive, even admiring way. The TES fandom has the most brilliant, creative, galaxy-brained, and just plain talented artists, writers, and worldbuilders I've ever seen in any fandom in all my years. And I think Todd is holding them back!! I firmly believe they could all easily launch into their own 100% original illustrations, short stories, comics, novels, you name it, to raucous applause. They have the talent, the drive, and the loyal fans!

If nothing else, I think they could benefit from seeking out things that already have what they want. Yes, it's hard to find anything with good, positive representation for all sorts of people and places. But TES, Bethesda, Zenimax, Todd himself... they will never give you any of that representation, either. I'm not going to use the phrase "consuming media" because (I despise it and) I think it waters down the profound experience of engaging with art. You need to engage with new, fresh, vibrant, different art. It’s wonderful to be inspired by art, to let any art move you into creating your own art, but being inspired to expand on something and being compelled to fix something are two completely separate ballgames. And they are not interchangeably constructive. One is buying brand new running-shoes and the other is tying lead weights to your bathing suit.

And, yes, even mass-produced blockbuster AAA games are art. And being inspired by art, creating things derived from the art you love, is a natural and wonderful part of the human experience. And it is because, not in spite, of those facts that I think you should never limit yourself to only the same tired art that ultimately makes you unhappy just because it is comfortable or familiar.  You don't owe Bethesda anything, any loyalty or continued affection, just because you have enjoyed their games in the past. You can shake off that chrysalis and find something that truly makes you happy as it is, without you putting it through the wringer of ten million fix-it fics.

I can’t say I’ve ever felt compelled to get into this degree of speculation and worldbuilding with TES in particular, but goodness knows I’ve gone through this a hundred times myself with my own fandoms. Over the course of only five or so years I went from wearing Eridan’s horns to class and talking everyone’s ears off about my own theories in high school to hardly breathing a word of Homestuck once I started college. My love of Overwatch pulled me out of a catastrophic months-long depressive episode where I didn’t draw from June to September until I just had to sketch McCree again and write pages and pages of fic, but I just flat-out do not play it anymore, and it’s not even installed on my current computer. I wanted them to be things they weren’t and could never be. I wanted the characters to grow and thrive beyond what their creators would ever write for them. And with every new update or lore tidbit I was left bitter and unsatisfied and ultimately resentful that I liked it only for its potential.

As an autistic woman I’ve had a new identity crisis with everything I thought was a crumbling cornerstone of my artistic identity-- I wanted the dopamine to hit in the exact same way forever. Ultimately they sloughed off like dead skin. Even an inferno can cool down to an ember, and they weren’t the only flames in town.

I mean, if you don’t like Picasso, why do you spend your precious time and money seeing Picasso exhibits? If you don’t like the taste of fish or shrimp or crab, why are you eating at the same seafood place every Thursday just to get your unsatisfying bread rolls and hush puppies? If you don't like your boyfriend one bit, you bicker with him all the time, and you wish you could just change everything about him from the ground up, why are you still dating him?

And if you don’t like the game-- the game itself, as the ones and zeros published by Bethesda Softworks, not the game as it exists in the nebulous aether of the fandom’s collective subconscious-- why haven’t you uninstalled it and played/watched/read something you really, truly, genuinely love?

Just sweetrolls for thought, I suppose. Again, I mean all of this affectionately, sincerely, and passionately, with nothing but love and appreciation from the bottom of my heart for all my wonderful artists and writers in the TES fandom. Todd doesn’t deserve you. You’re too good for him. All of you.

[seekerquest]

yknow, ive had so many thoughts about running an askblog-type story like this and have always been to intimidated to do it, do you have any advice at all?

(So I wasn't exactly intimidated by the concept of an askblog-turned-comic when I started, but for the longest time I was terrified of posting anything creative. That could be writing or comics or even just art. Those of you who follow my art blog, you see how rarely I update it. That's never quite left me.

There's also the intimidation of starting a long-term project. That usually comes with the fear of "I won't finish it" or "I'm not ready" or even/especially "people won't like it". Generally all three. I mean, fuck, even now I'm paralyzed with fear about the next comic in this universe. So many "what if"s and "but wait"s. It gets to the point where your brain convinces you that nothing you'll do is good enough - it has to be perfect and an amazing start and incredible art, all that, which is impossible and you know it, which only makes things worse.

To these two things is the same solution:

Just fuckin' do it, bro!

The creator of Daughter of the Lilies had a fantastic summarization of this concept. Your brain is your only enemy here, and it's easy to beat. The more you listen to it as it screeches at you to wait and prepare, the lower your chances of ever starting that comic or askblog or book. You need to give it an unamused stare, bonk it on the head for its stupidity, and walk past it to your drawing tablet/stand/desk/etc. You start, and you keep going, and you ignore your brain's screeches - which, mysteriously, get quieter and quieter the more you work, until you can hardly hear it at all.

Let me make something clear: Seeker wasn't fully planned to the letter when I started. I didn't have Pax's canon design ready until I drew him fully for the first time. I didn't know how memory sequences were going to play out when I drew the first one. Half the things in this story were added seconds before they showed up. All that and more.

And you know what? I like to think things turned out pretty okay. I enjoyed doing what I was doing, and really, that's the only part that matters. Completing every page became a reward for me, even if it wasn't particularly up to my personal standards. Reactions to plot points or character banter are special treats that I'm giddy about for hours or days. Holding secrets about how the story was going to go and end is such fun! And best of all, genuine kind words from people who have nothing to gain from being nice except telling the truth to someone who needs to hear it kicked up my confidence and has honestly made every second of this story's existence, even the difficult times where I had to take a break due to personal issues [especially those times, actually] worth it.

And funny thing? You don't get any of that until you start your story. People don't applaud vapor and spewed random ideas with no context or meat behind them. You love that story and these characters you've made? Give them what they deserve and get crackin' on that askblog. You can do it. Your brain and internal fears are lying to you. Make the blog, get a basic idea of how you want to do things - and that may change as time go on, don't worry about that, you can totally change it - and you're ready to go.

One final thing: don't be scared by low audience numbers when you start. Advertise, interact, make yourself known, and keep working. Your audience will find you, and it will be people who genuinely enjoy what you're doing. It took six years of consistent, constant work to get to 400 followers for me. At some point, the privilege of getting to tell the story you have cooking will fuel you more than anything.

Get going, my man. Nothing real is stopping you, and nothing will!)

[leggyre]

Can you believe I only found out now about Glassbears and I'm having so much fun with it!? Talking to one of your OC seems just great, I really missed out.

glassbears is actually! the third iteration! of that idea!

i tried to make one with lilac and got nothing due to me being no one at the time, and then later on i had one for basically ALL

glassbears was a bit of an experiment because every time i make an askblog(aside from the two mentioned above), there's at least a little bit of lore to be uncovered with questions. So I went out there and asked the dream overlords "can i have this bastard child" and they went "yeah ok" and i came back with ariel SDFGNSDJFGNKJ

im not good at making actual comics bc my brain gets lost mid production but the askblog type where it's usually 1-3 panels with one drawing + required engagement aka constant motivation boosts? its perfect AND its basically a form of roleplaying so extra fun on top. so the main idea was to present one as a webcomic and see where I could take it

the THING IS that I started it with basically nothing, not much planning or anything just my dream prophecy and the loose ends I tied together. so it wasn't much to think about -- but in the meantime i was also keeping this google doc that i just kept writing things on as questions came in and with them the ideas came up but i also kept on writing things that came independently on my head and it was eventually filled with drabbles, worldbuilding and other sorts of details that I loved to bits but I didn't know how I was going to handle. So basically. I overwhelmed myself with my ideas djfbgsdjbf

..but i guess its now the appropriate time to share the news that I have been giving the file a somewhat-thorough revamp bc i have been dying to bring it back to light. almost the entire plot and characters are complete ideas instead of vaguely scattered concepts and I Still Love It, A Lot

sometimes i share snips out of context w friends because its full of really deep quotes AND really funny comments(im funny). i dont wanna share stuff that can be easily tied to the plot but heres the good stuff

starting with the most telling line of them all;

(prior to this theres like two pages of me debating with myself about what the fuck is up with ariel that I kept adding to over the years bc there were SO MANY routes I could take I wrote down ALL of them.............then a few months ago I wrote three paragraphs and closed that book.)

anyway heres one of my fucking favorites. never gets old

heres the rawest line ive ever written in my life

this pic is like right after a very heavy conversation

(i did not follow my advice)

its frustrating that I can't share the spicier stuff bc its got some raw lines and good jokes....... but for now.. i leave u..

..with a little guy

i love him :)

[sjbattleangel]

Clearing the air and more

Seems a toxic comic fan mispresented everything I was trying to say (I’m not going to link it) It can be best summed up as page that is one big “NU-UH!” What they are saying is pure gaslighting garbage with helpings of DARVO (Deny, Attack ,and reverse victim, and offender.) so let’s get a few things clear...

1)I never called for “Gatekeeping” nor did I ever ever say rubbish like “Stop disliking things I like!” 

2) Never did I once say that snarky criticism or that criticising bad writing is is akin to death threats. 

3) In relation to the two points above, I was calling out the disrespectful treatment and ad homidium attacks they levering at professional creators and how, in turn they lead to a toxic atmosphere of bullying where, as result, some dangerous morons would think you’re giving them the thumbs-up to go after a creator.

  *To them, G**m G*b**n, O**tr**s****bl*g and other toxic fans* So the writer wrote a few stories you didn’t like. Okay, You have every right to dislike an author's work along with every right to criticize said work. That said, it doesn’t it give you the right to personally insult their personal character or vilify them! Look, writers like Joshua Williamson, James Tynion IV and Scott Snyder among others are not perfect, they make mistakes and might produce the occasional flop but they are great writers. They know what they are doing, they love Cass and Steph, know them very well. Plus, they how much we care about them. Sure, because of comic book stuff (Rebooting the universe every so often and editorial direction etc.) these versions of Cass and Steph may not be the same as their old counterparts-in fact, they may be completely different characters-but they're still the same characters we know and love in spirit. Yet no matter many fantastic Orphan/Spoiler/Batgirls stories they give us, you keep spitting them out, shouting “It’s not good enough!” and accuse them of “Destroying them even more.” Nothing is ever “good enough” for you. Nothing ever pleases you. It’s “One More Day” all over again. For you, ever since “War Games” and “Robin: One Year Later,” Cass and Steph have been “ruined forever.” What!?!  Did these stories really “ruin them” for you? Did they really “ruin them” for you so much that you now hate every single thing remotely related to them? Even if those things, though not perfect, are trying desperately to please you?

To quote Peggy Hill:  "They don't know what they want...only what they DON'T want."

These “fans” don’t want “new stories”. They just want to live in an endless time-loop, in an age of innocence before horrible storylines like "One More Day," "Avengers Academy: Arena," "Avengers Undercover," "War Games" and "Robin: One Year Later" ever happed yet here, they never happen. This shows that they're no better than, if very much alike, the far-right, fascist men-children of The fandom Menace/Comicsgate/Gamergate clamoring for an eternal "EXXXTREEEEMMMMMEEEEE", "apolitical" past when there was "no feminist, diversity-hire, virtual-signaling pandering junk" and other stupid claims. Linkara has words for both groups:

I understand the hurt you feel, I understand the wanting to relieve the “Arcadia of your youth” before those horrendous storylines happened. Sadly, no-matter how much you want it, that age of innocence is never going to come back. What is past will forever be in the past. 

Instead of dwelling on things that made us angry, instead attacking creators just doing their jobs, we could be much better, more healthy fandom. A fandom celebrates a better, more positive future without letting go of happy memories.  A fandom that doesn’t tear down people (creators or fans). 

We are better then this. We need to change.

“You can change. You can.”                             -Cassandra Cain (Batgirl Vol 1 (2000-2006) #36

Batgirls-InHyuk Lee

[aliensunflower-fics]

In Defense of Salt AND Sugar: Aka ML Fandom pls chill out.

So I don’t talk much as those who follow me will say I tend to just stick to myself and my own things. HOWEVER, Ive gotten a lot of asks about why I write both Salt and Sugar for Miraculous Ladybug.

The short answer: Both salt and sugar are valid, fun, intriguing things to read and write and the point of writing is to entertain and be entertained.

The long answer: Salt isn’t inherently someone hating on your fav show and sugar isn't someone necessarily giving it a free pass either. Ya’ll are just dramatic as hell.

The LONGER answer:

I write salt because I LIKE Miraculous Ladybug, BUT the show has not lived up to its potential AT ALL. The show could be so much better and the characters are so flawed or full of holes that occasionally I feel FRUSTRATED and mad!

I hate that Alya a character who I was so excited about, gets shafted ignored, sidelined, or written like a jerk! She could have been this great detective working alongside her friend to unmask the villain, but instead she often comes across as pushy, obsessed with Ladynoir or Adrinette, and so damn easily tricked. Not to mention how when shes not gushing over her ‘ships’ shes pushed to the side and ignored. [or you know... LILA]

I hate that Marinette’s crush makes her do things that are so cringy and awkward i feel ill I hate that she’s constantly the only one making mistakes and ‘learning lessons’ when the show has all these other great characters that could use the spotlight and be the ones learning lessons. I hate that she’s so jealous and that she cant ever seem to catch a break as if the show is punishing her constantly.

I HATE that Adrien is a mary sue, how the writers say hes perfect and treat him as such, I hate that he gets to guilt Marinette into fixing everything and dealing with bullies, I wanted a funny, Ron Stoppable, naive boy who learns about real friendships and grows into a great partner. Instead he gets to be pushy and downright a jerk as Chat Noir ignoring his responsibilities, guilting Ladybug with his feelings, never taking no as an answer. He’s not a good role model for kids.

I hate that Chloe got built up to have a redemption arc several times only for the writers to decide that Chloe a teenage girl who needs some serious therapy [and actual reasonable punishment for her actions] is worse than Gabriel child abuse Agreste. She could have been a great lesson on compassion and growth and dealing with your own pain without hurting others. Instead the writers wrote her off completely.

And dont get me started on how the show treats Nino, Kagami, Luka and the rest of the cast. They may as well be a backdrop for the forced love square that we NEVER get a break from. Seriously I’m a sucker for romance but does it need to be EVERY damn episode?! Can’t we just get some wholesome friendship between everyone including Adrien and Marinette at this point like COME ON.

And i’m not even touching on the white washing, awful lessons on responsibility and forgiveness, awful lessons on well so much other stuff really, the guilt trips, the teacher, the fact that she show could be used to teach kids how to better handle negative emotions and the importance of open communication and not keeping quiet about injustice and/or your feelings but instead decided that the main priority should be a love square that gets force fed to us EVERY SINGLE EPISODE.

My point is the show has FLAWS. That doesn’t mean its the worse show ever and it doesn’t mean its not fun, and has a great premise and characters, and so when I write Salt I write it because i’m frustrated! Im frustrated with the show, with the characters, with the writing and so I vent that out with salt I write those characters as their worst selves because I cant stand how the show has decided to treat them and Im ANGRY and disappointed.

It feels good to write salt and to read it. It’s nice to see characters get called out for bad behavior, its nice to read about Adrien not getting the girl. Its nice to occasionally indulge in salt because it validates that the show is flawed and lets you get out that frustration.

BUT ON THE FLIP SIDE

Miraculous Ladybug is a lovely show. It’s a show that decided to give little girls a FEMALE HERO. And not just as a side kick or background character! No they made her the protagonist! Its so important to me that little girls see good well rounded female characters in media.

And even if the show is clumsy about it they are TRYING to build an expansive lore that tickles the theorist brain. And gets people invested in the world.

The show also made Marinette shy, and awkward, and clumsy something a lot of girls deal with during puberty as growing up can literally make you clumsier as your body adjusts. Having a character who tries to be positive and tries to find solutions who solves things with creativity instead of pure violence. Thats LOVELY for young girls to see.

Growing up I loved and admired Kim Possible, and probably would have loved Marinette, even if the shows not perfect I can admit its trying and I can see why people love it as much as they do! And why they write these fluffy sugary fics its the reason I WRITE fluffy sugary things.

Because even though I am frustrated and angry and disappointed with the show, I still see Alya’s potential and how great she is as representation to little girls who want a black female superhero so I write fluff where Alya’s loyalty, compassion, cleverness and her pursuit of justice are center stage.

I see how Adrien could be better and I want him to be better and I WANT him to be the naive funny comic relief the Ron Stoppable to Marinette’s Kim Possible. I want Adrien to grow and learn and spit in his dad’s face I want him to overcome the abuse and be happy. To show people that neglect and abuse doesn’t mean you will get stuck like that forever, that you can overcome that and be a better kinder person.

I want Nino and Kagami, and Luka and Chloe and the class to grow and get attention and have funny moments I want to laugh and make other people laugh! So I write prompts focused around comedy and shenanigans and where the characters get to be fun and silly and make decisions for themselves!

SO IN CONCLUSION:

I write salt AND sugar. I see the value and merit in both sides of the coin, and I respect how other people see the show. I know its easy to get angry with other people in the fandom who see the show differently then you do but please can we put down the weapons and just BREATHE.

Someone who writes salt might LOVE the same show as you, and they might in fact love it so much that they vent their frustrations in angst and salt and cracky fics. Let them vent about how they wish the show was better, leave their tags alone or block them if you cant stand to see it. But dont attack salt writers for ‘hating on your show’ when they might love it just as much as you do but want a way to vent out their feelings.

On the flip someone who writes sugar might NOT be forgiving the show for its flaws, they might see all the same flaws as you but decide to take that frustration and write fluff and fix it fics and sugar because they want to indulge in a version of their favorite show where everything is just... OK. Where everyone is well written and happy and the character development sticks. Stay out of their tags let them have their sugar, they aren't writing it to hurt you just like you don't write salt to hurt them.

So ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each others tags. Let people write SALT if they feel angry and vengeful and disappointment, let them have their tags, let them explore the dark side of the characters, let them rant and rave and be HURT when the characters they love upset them with their actions. Its not your place to tell them to stop, to tell them their feelings are invalid, to tell them that ‘adrien is sweet sunshine boy how dare you’ or ‘alya would never’ or ‘i hate your marinette leaves dupont au’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

AND ENOUGH. Enough hunting each other down, enough sending each other hate, enough filling each other tags. Let people write SUGAR if they just want something to feel happy about. Let them makes coffee shop au’s, let them make fix it fics where everything is just happy without needing 8 pages of backstory for why everything is just happy. Let them squeal and gush and talk about the ship they like and the fluff they see. Its not your place to argue with them that the show is flawed, its not cool to ruin their fun by accusing them of not understanding the flaws, to tell them ‘umm actual this character shouldn’t get to be happy’ or ‘wow this is so shallow’. Just leave it be, heed the tags, and let it go.

PS: Now with that said and done. I do have one final message for everyone - If you write/enjoy pedophilia, if you sexualize KIDS. Then get the fuck out of fandom spaces, stop fucking following me, and do everyone salt and sugar a favor by LEAVING. Your pedophilia and child sexualization aint wanted, aint ok, and I will fight you.

PSS: IF YOU HATE WHAT IVE SAID ABOUT SUGAR AND SALT FINE OK I RESPECT YOU REGARDLESS. ENJOY THE SHOW, STAY CLASSY, DONT HURT PEOPLE BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT OPINION.

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[wing-ed-thing]

Fraternizing and Spineless (Kabuto x Reader, Part V)

Synopsis: Kabuto has a fixation and you sometimes apologize to inanimate objects. Ever since one fateful day, you’ve been drawn to each other from opposite sides of the battlefield.

Word Count: 2,799

Warnings/Tags: Physical Bullying, Minor Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, Threat of Kidnapping/Attempted Kidnapping, Foul Language, Derogatory Language, Fem!Reader, Would y’all classify pining as angst?@tiktoktheclockisticking​ 

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Finale

Notes: This chapter is fairly violent. Nothing’s gory it’s just violent so please be warned. I kept it as vague as I could while still getting the point across. 

If you’re dissatisfied with what you’ve had in the past, you can just find other things and just add them to yourself from here on out.

Kabuto never had much to begin with, nothing he could truly call his. And even then, they were, for the most part, gifts. His glasses were a gift. His first name was a gift as was his last name. Much like an equation, Kabuto could always simply add and he always knew some semblance of the outcome.

But now there was you and Kabuto once again found himself unsure. He remained on the very edge of your bed all night, almost afraid to sit comfortably. He shook his leg anxiously, wired by the lack of sleep. Kabuto plus you. He didn’t know the answer. To add you meant to subtract other things. He had gotten used to those other things. And now, he was unsure if they even fit in the first place. Kabuto thought that maybe by the time morning came he would know, but dawn was just beginning to break. And much to his dismay, he found himself just as unsure as when night enveloped the sky.

You loved him. No one had ever told Kabuto that in his life. You loved him, and for what? He didn’t think he did a lot for you. He lounged on your furniture. He read your books and liked to make you flustered. Kabuto dared to gaze down at your unconscious form. His hand ghosted the outline of yours underneath the covers. He bit his lip. He liked being here. He liked to read with you. He loved your smile when you cooked together, when you read the comic section of the paper, when you stayed up late to talk… But was a life with you something he deserved? He didn’t think so.

You began to stir. Kabuto weaved a few hand signs. He didn’t even look as his palm made careful, yet swift, contact with your forehead. He couldn’t. Kabuto buried his face in his hands. He bought just a bit more time to think. Just a bit more time. Just a bit more time.

And by the time you woke up, you woke up with a start. You jumped, gasping as the blanket flew off of you. You glanced wildly around the room. Kabuto was nowhere to be found. Your heart beat rapidly in your chest. Kabuto had been wrong. The morning was here and you didn’t feel better.

***

You had plenty of time in your career as a ninja to properly map out the Hokage building. But even still, you never did and found yourself, per usual, lost. The halls looked the same for the most part. The rooms still went by the same number system used back with the first Hokage. And really, you didn’t have the mental energy to figure it out, not today. Despite the amount of alcohol you had last night, you could remember what happened vividly. Iruka, the good time you had, your teammates, and the burning humiliation. Kabuto. You wouldn’t have been here if you could help it.

You let out a sigh of relief halfway up the stairs as you spotted the sign at the top. You were almost on the right floor. Swinging open the door with a heave, you were met with the administrative assistant. You followed the curve of the hallway with your eyes. You could see the door to the Hokage’s door. The administrative assistant paid you little to no mind, sitting quietly behind his large, cluttered desk. You approached, tense.

“Hi, uh, I’ve been summoned?” You peeped. He didn’t look up from his work. You opened your mouth, then closed it. More silence. You tried again “I was summoned by L—” His head snapped up in annoyance and rolled his eyes.

“Name?” He asked forcefully, lugging a large book out from underneath a stack of others. You told him your name quietly and anxiously. The assistant stopped and let out a vexed grunt. You stood completely still, tense. You folded your hands neatly in front of you. He slammed the book back on the pile he got it from, causing you to jump, and instead began to rifle through one of his drawers.

“This is for you.” He held a small envelope to you. You stared for a second at the small rectangle confused before the assistant began to shake it. You apparently did not take the document quickly enough. The assistant turned straight back to his work. Confused, you opened the letter. You scanned the page, eyes widening in shock as you glanced up.

“Under investigation?” You gasped, the notice shaking in your hands. “A-And I’m suspended? For how long?” As if you didn’t have enough to deal with today.

“I don’t know, okay?” The assistant huffed. “All I know is that you’re not seeing the Hokage today.”

You had so many questions, but knowing that none of them were going to be answered, you left. And as you departed from the Hokage building, you were completely unaware that you were being stalked from the shadows.

***

Kabuto was running on fumes. Too wired to sleep, too tired to think. He felt the need to do something, so once again, he found himself in the lab. But after looking over his selection of possible specimens to study, Kabuto quickly decided that creating plans for experiments required much more effort than he had in him. He turned to cleaning and reorganization, a simple and mindless task. He had already made his way from the main laboratory to a few minor storage closets to yet more old exam rooms. Kabuto always took pride in a clean workspace, though Orochimaru had never been as dedicated.

Once again, his thoughts returned to you and he restrained himself from physically hitting his head against the nearest hard surface. He adjusted the gloves on his hands and picked up a labeled bin. Kabuto couldn’t help but wonder about what you were doing right now or if you had forgiven him. He knew perfectly well from day one that he had grown completely attached, but never had he expected for things to turn out like this. Kabuto stacked the bin with a few others in a corner of the extensive space. He leaned against the wall with a sigh, silently defying his better judgement by asking himself if you were truly happy in the Leaf. Helplessness washed over him. Yet another thing he didn’t know. He hated that feeling.

Kabuto slammed his fist against the wall next to him and a hollow reverberation echoed through the room. He blinked at the space under his wrist, giving it another strike. He turned to fully face the panel, hands spread across the cold surface. Kabuto tapped at it, shifting to his left and right to find where his tapping felt solid and where it felt empty. But with a few hand signs in the right spot, the wall disappeared to reveal a small back room.

Kabuto wandered in, kunai drawn. In the center of the room sat a lone examination table, straps sewn to the sides. Papers lay strewn around. A few vials were randomly shoved onto makeshift shelves. A chakra test kit sat at the foot of the table. Kabuto spotted a file under the single lamp that swung from the bare ceiling. Flicking it open, he found what he dreaded most. He felt a presence at the doorway. Kabuto’s shoulders dropped.

“I thought we weren’t going to pursue the girl.” He tried to make his voice as emotionless as he could. Anyone else and he would have been convincing.

“I put a lot of effort into safeguarding this room, you know.” Kabuto scoffed.

“Well, what can I say, Lord Orochimaru, you taught me well.” He turned to face the Sanin. Orochimaru stood, leaning against the doorframe. “I must say that I’m surprised. There never has been a whole lot you’ve kept from me.”

“Sure there has,” Orochimaru laughed, a certain amount of bite in his tone. “And you’ve been far too invested. I had to take things into my own hands.”

A pause. Kabuto stared at his mentor and a life changing choice stared back. All of his previous thoughts confronted him at once and he quickly came to a realization. He was out of time. For the whole day he had been putting off his decision by staying up all night, by avoiding strenuous work. But now, he stared the embodiment of his questions in the face.

“She’s protected in the village and well loved,” A lie, but one Kabuto tried his best to convince himself of. “She wouldn’t be an interesting test subject anyway.” Orochimaru frowned, eyes half lidded.

“Kabuto, your girlfriend leveled the entire eastside base.”

Kabuto did remember. He remembered the ambush at the base. How regretfully your team of Leaf shinobi had gotten the better of him. He remembered waking up without a scratch in a mile-wide crater, your body half flung over his torso. The underground base had been completely excavated and decimated to smithereens. The laboratories were gone. The many rooms and hallways were gone. All that remained were the two of you. And that’s how Kabuto Yakushi met you.

“She gave you what you wanted in exchange for the scroll.” The kunai in his hand hung by the loop on his finger, but not put away. He methodically fiddled with it’s handle.

“A few tests for a fake scroll is a measly trade,” Orochimaru rolled his eyes, though the mischief in them wasn’t lost. “Nothing I did warranted what you gave her.”

“I just gave her what you promised.” Kabuto narrowed his eyes, “So why does it look like you’re going to perform an extraction? She’s not even here.”

“And that, Kabuto, is where you’re wrong.”

***

You took your usual shortcut home. You could always tell how close you were by the number of trees. The Hokage building had always been around the epicenter of all the bustle in Konoha, and for good reason. But most of the time, you enjoyed a break from the intensity of ninja life and settle into your apartment near the outskirts of town. You cut through a thick patch of trees. A trail had been beaten into the ground long ago. The area felt like a park and served to remind you of the scenery just outside of the village. But you couldn’t enjoy your walk this time. You sensed a presence.

You began to walk faster and that was when four figures jumped out at you from the treetops. Their hitai-ate gleamed in the interrupted lighting. Sound ninja. You immediately disappeared, a jutsu you no longer needed hand signs for, and camouflaged into the scenery around you. But despite your fast-moving efforts, you were still grabbed and thrown to the ground. Your fragile jutsu broke, but you scrambled up quickly, kunai in hand. You turned on your heel, lowered in a defensive position.

“Please go away,” You nearly whimpered, “I’ve had such a rough week. Try again next week!” You argued as if that mattered to your band of attackers.

“Lord Orochimaru has explicitly expressed that we are not to leave without you.” As the words left his lips, you couldn’t help but wonder if this had been Kabuto’s doing. Though, if he had wanted to abduct you, he could have done so last night and perhaps that wouldn’t have been so bad. But you didn’t have enough time to wonder. Out of the corner of your eye you saw a volley of projectiles. You leaped to the ground, arms coming to wrap over your head.

An uproar above you. Weapons clashing and pained cries. Your head stayed down. And as the bodies of your old problem hit the ground, you heard the voice of your new problem.

“I knew you were a traitor.”

***

Kabuto refrained from gritting his teeth.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Orochimaru only smirked smugly.

“A healing chakra that can pack the power of lightning and you wonder what we can do with that?” The Sannin shrugged. “We don’t know if it’s a kekkei genkai. Perhaps a new breed of ninja but that kind of power could do many things. One could even say—” He met Kabuto’s eyes, antagonism built up and glittering in his own, —“that power could restart a heart. With enough control, that is.” Kabuto moved forward to walk back out through the doorway, but Orochimaru blocked his path.

“What is it, Lord Orochimaru?” He asked with as much restraint he could muster.

“You’re not planning to go to her are you? She’ll be here any minute.” Kabuto hesitated and for once told a most vulnerable truth.

“I really don’t know what I’m going to do.” And he was allowed to pass.

***

“Thank you for saving me!” You scrambled up to your feet, eyes wide and on the fallen bodies of your attackers. But before any of the situation could process you heard a shout of warning.

“Don’t you come any closer, Sound ninja bitch!” The kunoichi from your team stood in front of you, weapon pointed in your direction. Your head turned towards her, confused and surprised.

“What?”

“I said don’t come any closer!” You held your hands up, truly not wanting any trouble. The patch of forest didn’t dare to make a sound and neither did you. Your teammate circled you, coming closer with every circulation. Her stance never faltered. “I knew you were a lying rat from the very beginning. We all did.”

“I think there’s been a misun—”

“Keep your fucking hands up!” You listened, spreading your palms to the air. Your neck scrunched downward into your collar as you flinched. “You’re pretty fucking dumb to meet with your buddies in the open like this, even if you are close to village limits.” You kept your lips folded in a thin line. The kunoichi snarled at you. “Pick up your kunai.”

“I’m not going to fight you,” You expressed with a certain amount of reluctance and your response only served to further anger her. She sheathed her weapon and shoved you to the ground.

“What? You think you’re better than me, you sellout?” She grabbed your hair, forcing you to meet her eye. Her hand crossed right across your cheek, the sting prickling on your skin. Even so, you refused to fight a comrade. “When the others get here we’re going to take care of you—” She continued to whale on you with her fists. Your nose began to bleed. —“And we’re going to take care of that boytoy of yours too!”

And as you bled, all you could mewl was, “Please stop.” You felt a warmth spreading over your face and an uncomfortable mending. The kunoichi stared down in disgust from her vantage over you. A blue aura spread across your skin, not of your own control.

“The fuck do you think you’re doing?” She landed another blow to your face, her fist coming in direct contact with the blue air. A spark of chakra and she recoiled her hand with a growl. “You think you’re going to shock me? You think you’re going to hurt me with some weak ass lightning jutsu. Show me some respect and fight me like a ninja!” She punctuated each word with a strike. You sat up quickly only to be pushed back down. “Oh you finally got some fight in you, traitor?” She repeated the name like a mantra.

She didn’t notice how you had stopped bleeding or how the energy around you began to violently fluctuate. You had become completely resigned, quiet, and silently crying. You couldn’t help but wonder if you deserved this. Perhaps you shouldn’t have tried to save someone who wasn’t your own. But he turned out to be the only one who actually cared about you, unconditionally. You knew that you could never have had a happy future in the Leaf. Your heart ached for your new friends, for Iruka’s friendship, peace between shinobi nations, and for Kabuto. The tears streamed down the side of your temples but you didn’t say a word. You could feel the energy build up within you.

You tried to warn her, but one last punch and you knew it was over. The blue aura shrunk against your skin all over your body and then, in an instant, burst. An electric wave shot out from your being. The ground cracked. The trees snapped. You saw her eyes widen as the energy shot through her chest. The kunoichi looked at you, eyes wide in fear and you knew that by the time she hit the ground that she was dead.

Notes: Very dramatic, no? I didn’t know where this series was going from chapter 1. I thought maybe a slice of life but it’s taken a turn. Next chapter will be the finale! Woop woop!

Thank you to everyone who liked, reblogged, and followed. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.