Safe From Heartbreak (If You Never Fall) • [AO3]
Teen | 6K | Jaylos | Hurt/Comfort, Caretaker!Jay, Fluff & Angst
A/N: Happy holidays, Glitter/@just-a-glittery-fan! ✨ I'm once again your Secret Santa for the @descendantsgiftexchange! 🥰♥️💚 I can never get enough hurt/comfort with my favourite boys, so it was a treat to get to write this and I really hope you'll enjoy reading it just as much! Warm winter wishes and all the best for the New Year! 🥂
CW (spoilers): Light to moderate description of blood and injuries, underage drinking, implied depression and trauma symptoms, existential angst, references to attempted assault and defensive violence, death of minor character (antagonist), references to parental abuse, implied food scarcity, and swearing.
It wasn’t the blood on the stairs, but the fact it was fresh that made Jay hurry. He could see the wetness turning pink as it mingled with the snow. It wasn’t a lot that’d fallen, blood or snow. Enough, though.
Enough to almost miss a shred of dull white fabric, snagged on the splintered teeth of a hole in a step that had been whole that morning.
He slowed a few steps down from it, suddenly wary of the creaking so familiar to his ears. He dropped almost to a crawl, spreading his weight out over several steps as he reached to examine the fabric.
He’d just plucked it when he saw down, through the hole—
Some thirty feet below, in the deepest shadows, there was a large, unmoving form. His heart lurched for only the moment it took to process that by the build of the person, it couldn’t be anyone he—
Loved.
(That was a voice in him that never would stay buried.)
Never mind that, though, because the sight of that stranger’s body in the place it was now meant they’d gotten past the gate, this far up the stairs—and for what?
Jay’s eyes fell to the shred of fabric pressed between his thumb and forefinger; the little white scrap was fluttering in the cold breeze like a flag of surrender. Another look down to the body below and Jay’s stomach clenched. The stranger wasn’t wearing white, but he knew someone who did—and probably was—and had reason to be here—
On that thought, he leaned toward one side of the stairs and poked his head through the rails, searching every inch of shadow for a sign of someone else below. It was reasonably dark at this hour, but the dusting of snow reflected some of the moon and near streetlights—
Enough to be reasonably sure there was no one else down there.
He sucked down an anxious breath, filling his lungs with frozen air; then, limb by limb, with slow and cat-like movements, he moved up over the splintered step and the rest of the way up the flight of stairs.
On the final landing, Jay straightened up, shook the snow from his hair, and was about to step toward the door of the hideout when he realized—it was open. And it was dark inside. Deathly quiet, too—
Or maybe Jay just couldn’t hear right over the drum of his heart.
“Well, fuck,” came the gravelly sigh from within as Jay stepped into the doorframe, all but filling it out. “Kinda thought you were dead.”
Jay frowned into the darkness, much deeper past the threshold.
“Carlos…?” he asked, not actually uncertain. It wasn’t a question of who as much as what happened and, “Why would you think I was—?”
Jay stopped, his arm outstretched, hand still on the light switch.
“Oh,” said Carlos, voice flat. He was slumped on the floor against an old wooden cabinet where they stashed supplies, one bloody arm up against the spill of light from overhead. “Just you,” he remarked as he squinted at Jay; then, sighing: “Can you turn that off? S’bright…”
Slowly, Jay stepped in and shut the door behind him, bolting it with one hand behind his back so as not to take his eyes off Carlos. He left the light on without comment, not because he hadn’t been listening, but rather because he’d been listening well enough to hear the slip—
The telling slur of Carlos’ words.
“What happened?” Jay demanded, not even bothering to stamp the snow from his boots as he cleared the space between him and Carlos with a few long strides. “There’s a body down there—” He crouched in front of Carlos, tilting his head to try and meet his eyes beneath the bloody arm he still had raised. “—so don’t bother with nothing.”
“Tch,” Carlos breathed out, gaze averted toward nothing.
Jay pursed his lips, then gently grabbed for Carlos’ wrist and elbow, pushing his arm down, away from his face. His eyes flicked over the bloodstained fabric of Carlos’ coat arm, noting the rip at the elbow where damaged skin showed through. Not too deep, but dirty, yes—
He’d deal with that after treating the head wound.
Grabbing Carlos’ chin in one hand, Jay slowly but firmly moved the other boy’s head up and down, side to side, in thorough inspection.
“Wha’ ah… you doo’n?” mumbled Carlos, otherwise amenable in a way that made Jay want to wind him up, purposefully annoy him—anything to inspire a reaction more in line with Carlos’ usual spirit.
Instead, with only some relief at the lack of visible injury to Carlos’ head, Jay drew back without releasing Carlos’ chin. He raised his free hand between them, holding up three fingers, and was about to ask how many when Carlos answered in a deadpan, “Twenty-three.”
Jay lowered that hand with a frown, but still held Carlos’ chin tight.
“Hey, smartass, shit sense of humour doesn’t mean no concussion.”
Carlos rolled his eyes in a slow, lazy arc before his gaze settled back on Jay, beneath a frown of his own. “Didn’t hit my head does…” He tried to scoot back from Jay, but—given he was already leaning against the cabinet doors—he settled for slumping heavily sideways.
The movement disturbed something caught between Carlos’ hip and the cabinet. The sound of it was brief, but distinct—enough that Jay would have known what it was without actually seeing the thing—
“Tell me…” Jay took a breath. “…you didn’t drink the disinfectant.”
Carlos stared up at the ceiling, since Jay had finally let his chin go. “With a bandage sandwich,” he declared, sarcastic with a dull edge.
“All of it?” Jay had reached for the bottle and was holding it up now, swishing it around like it wasn’t obviously empty. “Evil,” he cursed, setting the bottle down hard on the floor, “you know this shit’s—” He stopped abruptly, catching Carlos flinch as he came close to yelling. He didn’t quite say sorry, but took a breath before changing course, a little clumsily: “Risky. Drinking alone. Anyway, you look like hell…”
Carlos shrugged—sort of. More like he started to and also didn’t.
“Should see the other guy,” he mumbled, sparing a glance at Jay.
That earned him a scoff. “Yeah, I saw,” said Jay, “and you’re telling me what the fuck happened as soon as I’m sure your shit’s not going septic.” He straightened up before offering a hand to Carlos, who just stared at him in a way Jay knew to precede a confession. He sighed.
Carlos grimaced. “Don’t think… I should stand on it.”
He shifted his left leg so his pants rode up a couple inches above his boot, revealing a skin colour so unnatural, it might register as a sock.
Jay, for his part, swore as colourfully as Carlos’ skin was bruised.
That had been about five minutes ago.
It was quiet now but for the creaking of old pipes in the walls.
When Jay emerged from the bathroom with a small pot of water and a fistful of white rags bleached as clean as they could be, it was to the sight of Carlos on the couch, where he’d left him—one leg up on the arm, pants pooled at the knee; the other leg folded, hidden away.
Carlos’ eyes were shut, his face lined with tension.
He hadn’t let out more than a muffled whimper at Jay’s first attempt to extract his swollen ankle from out of his boot. The pair, which had been Jay’s before his, were a little big on him usually, but not as bad as now. His ankle was huge. No doubt his foot was swollen, too—
Jay’s second attempt had been, perhaps, a little cruel.
He’d done it quick, without a warning—after Carlos had asked him, breathing hard, to just stop—wait—give it a minute! Like that would make it better? It was clear to Jay it’d been too long already, and so—
He’d set his mind on one thing: get the boot off. That’s all.
Carlos had yelped and jolted violently, the movement awkward with how he was laying. He’d crashed back down on the couch a moment later, throwing his arms up to guard his expression, obscure his pain.
That reaction on the tail of an empty bottle made Jay more anxious.
Something was broken. Maybe not even bone. But something.
“I’m fucked,” Carlos croaked out, not opening his eyes, but listening to Jay as he shuffled beside him. He heard the soft clang of the pot as Jay set it on the floor, then a breath of a sigh before Jay responded—
“That why you were drinking?”
Carlos winced, cracking one eye open. “Didn’t… think about it.”
At that, Jay just nodded, like the honesty was enough. He bent and dropped the rags into the pot before turning away to retrieve one of their “dining room chairs” (if generously described). It was a rusted, rat-chewed thing, sure enough, but Jay felt confident to sit in it, and so he did, having placed it about as close as it could be to the couch.
“Arm,” was all he said, more of an announcement than a request. He was already scooping a hand under Carlos’ left arm, near the elbow, bringing his injury closer for inspection. It was bloodier than it was deep, with dirty patches of scraped skin—some by the wrist, a lot by the elbow, nothing between where his coat would have bunched—
“I jus’ fell on it,” Carlos mumbled, which Jay already figured.
“Mm,” said Jay distractedly, reaching down for one of the rags. He wrung it out in a fist, then started to gently wipe at the blood, a soft-formed crust. “Got some pretty bad splinters.” He frowned, dabbing around the spots he noticed them so as not to press them in deeper.
He was starting to see how it’d all have happened in his mind, or at least as far as it’d happened since the gate, which—yeah, that had to have been where Carlos had noticed there was someone behind him. He wouldn’t have gone to it otherwise, not even to escape. They all knew to lose their tails before they went into the den, so to speak—
That meant, probably— (Jay tossed the blood-soiled rag aside, then dug into a pocket for a pair of tweezers.) That meant the bastard had been waiting, already knowing the place, if not that Carlos would be coming alone. Call it coincidence? Maybe. But Jay wasn’t convinced.
Carlos, who’d been quiet, watching Jay pluck out splinters from the corner of his eye, suddenly reached for the tweezers with a sloth-like grip. “Can do it,” he said when Jay pulled back, raising an eyebrow.
Jay covered up a snort by lifting his sleeve to his face, pretending his nose was itchy. “It’s done,” he said, even as he bent to continue, “but if you wanna do something—” He glanced up through his lashes at Carlos, with his glass-eyed stare, eyelids drooping before he seemed to notice and quickly blinked to keep his stare fixed. “Nevermind,” Jay decided with a sigh. “I’ll... hide the body. We can talk tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow’s soon,” Carlos hummed in reply. “I’ll jus’ nap first…”
Jay spared a glance to the clock on the wall, which by now in his life he wasn’t sure why he bothered trying to reference. The black hand was sort of—well, it was near the thin one, and both were near to—
“Whatever,” Jay muttered under his breath, directed at the clock. He turned his attention back to the last elusive splinter in Carlos’ arm, so focused on plucking it without pinching, he almost didn’t hear—
“You mad…?”
“What?” asked Jay, just as Carlos was about to say something else.
They both stared at each other, then Jay shook his head, sitting up in his chair and pocketing the tweezers. “Why would I be m—” He cut off abruptly, regarding Carlos with a suspicious look. “Should I be?”
Carlos’ expression was equally suspicious, or at least it would have been; with tiredness creeping in all over, it looked more quizzical than anything. “Dunno,” he mumbled, failing at a shrug. “Maybe…”
Jay was quiet for a moment—then, he rolled his eyes and laid a hand on Carlos’ head, gently ruffling his curls. “Maybe you’re an idiot for getting drunk on our disinfector—” (Carlos made a face, but didn’t try to correct him, which somehow only made Jay want to dare him into proving he wasn’t “that drunk” by pronouncing “disinfectant.”) “—but I’m not mad,” Jay finished, forgetting that he kinda had been.
Carlos, who hadn’t forgotten, made a throaty noise of discontent.
Registering that as annoyance, Jay withdrew his hand. He was about to reach for another rag to finish cleaning Carlos’ arm so he could bandage it when he suddenly remembered: “Shit, I forgot the ice…”
“S’cold, anyway,” Carlos pointed out, blinking tiredly up at Jay as he pushed his chair back and stood, making a halo of the light behind him. He looked pretty like that and probably no one had told him—
Maybe Carlos would have just then if Jay hadn’t left so quickly.
As it were, he was alone, thinking about what he did say. It was cold. (Was it?) He held his arms up to examine the goosebumps that told him it was. Probably. His arms also told him they were very heavy—or, well, they didn’t tell him so much as he felt that they were that…
Next, he tried to lift his leg, but that was so much heavier and it hurt.
At least not as much as it’d hurt before, when it’d happened—
His boot probably had splinters. He should take them out.
But Jay had the tweezers in… one of his pockets.
He could use his fingers, he reasoned.
Would that get splinters in his fingers? Would Jay have to take them out or could he do it himself? No, he could do it himself, if he wasn’t so dizzy and warm in spite of the cold and wanting mostly to sleep.
It was… 11:54 PM now and Carlos, being confident of his brain if not his ability to “tweeze” at the moment, was very sure of two things: first, that he was drunk; second, that tomorrow was in six minutes.
Jay wanted to talk tomorrow, so he should sleep now, first, before…
Before was a word half-formed on Carlos’ lips. He’d mumbled half his thoughts aloud without realizing, but by the time Jay returned—and not more than a minute later—Carlos was quiet, deeply asleep.
He didn’t rouse when Jay hovered over him, debating what to do.
It could be as simple as pulling his coat down from where they’d set it over the top of the couch—easy enough to pretend it’d just fallen that way, or Carlos had grabbed it himself in the night and forgotten.
It could be as simple as a roll of bandage on that arm, stuffing some ice in a bag and taping it around his ankle, maybe leaving some food near and calling it a debt, because Jay had his own fucking problems, didn’t he? Carlos didn’t have to be one of them. Jay didn’t have to…
Love him? asked that weak and stupid voice in the soil of his mind.
Jay ignored that thought and all the others as he gathered Carlos up in his arms and brought him into the other room; there, a mattress lay with a mussed pile of blankets and no sheets, a few thin pillows and some cushions they’d stuffed themselves with rags and feathers.
Laying Carlos down on his back, Jay set a pillow under his head and then piled the rest, along with some cushions, under his injured leg.
He left the room to retrieve the ice, and when he returned, it was with a length of cloth to wrap around the bag of ice and keep it from burning Carlos’ skin; even with that, it was miserably cold, and Jay hesitated to place it on the affected area, especially bruised as it was.
Slowly, he set the bag in place over the curve of Carlos’ ankle—
There was no reaction.
He grabbed one of the blankets and pulled it over Carlos, leaving his legs out, and then straightened up. He’d have to check on him soon to make sure he hadn’t kicked the ice off or something, as was likely to happen given how Carlos was inclined to thrash around at night.
Jay learned that with a bloody nose, first night they spent together.
With a last glance back to Carlos on his way out from the bedroom, Jay untied the red curtain that hung in place of a door. It was on the ragged side, but it’d block enough of the light from the main room—
Quietly, Jay retrieved his coat and boots from the pile on the floor where he’d last discarded them. He dug around in a box by the door for a pair of heavy work gloves, stuffed them into his pockets, then stepped outside, fixed the lock behind him, and paused to listen—
There was a sound of… cold, comparable to static if not much softer.
Jay exhaled into the darkness and the cold filled his mouth. He had a flashlight in his pocket, but didn’t bother to use it. He knew the way, how many steps exactly. He did forget, though, just one little thing…
“Ya lawhi!” he exclaimed, pulling his weight back right in time. He wound up sitting on the snowy steps, one foot hovering above the empty air. That was close, he thought with a grimace, shifting his body very carefully forward in a crab-like crawl until he was clear of the step. He reached, then, for the rails he didn’t normally rely on—
On the right, his hand grasped metal; on the left, there was nothing.
Not long after that, Jay was on the ground with a flashlight in hand, sweeping over the shadows. He noted the length of railing that was missing from the stairs. It was near the body, both dusted with snow.
Jay crept closer, staying near the feet of the person. He nudged their calf with the toe of his boot to no response, then took another step, much bolder, but with the flashlight angled to blind them, in case…
“You,” he hissed out, recognizing Third, one of the sons of Gaston—recognizing, too, by the bulge of his eyes and his gaping mouth, the sunken quality of his head and the bloody halo, that the knife Jay’s hand had shot to on instinct could stay clean in its sheathe—
Third was already dead.
That was almost… disappointing.
Well, anyway, the Isle and grim being something synonymous, Jay was quick about the work of dragging Third into a storage room on one of the barren lower levels of the warehouse. He rolled the body up into a tarp, placed an empty crate atop of it, locked the door to the small room, and then went on his way, nothing to haunt him—
There was, of course, still that matter of blood on the concrete, which anyone might see if they were passing through the alley on a regular day, but—with a glance up at the sky, full to bursting with snow clouds, Jay felt confident to say there’d be no sight of it by morning.
He grabbed a short plank of wood as a last thought before trekking up the stairs. He’d nail it down in the morning, but at least for now, with some rope, it’d spare the girls a surprise if they turned up first.
Inside, it was quiet as Jay stripped off his coat and the dirtied work gloves, then kicked away his boots. He set his sights on the corner of the main room they designated “kitchen,” rummaged for something to call dinner in one of the drawers, then trudged over to the couch.
He sank into it, bone-tired, now he was able to relax some.
Third—Gaston the Third—had been at least that much heavier than Jay was, with the build of a bison. Brain like an unborn sloth, sure, but his strength was—well, it’d been enough to get by on, until…
Whatever happened with Carlos, Jay thought, unwrapping a trail bar with an expiry date about half his age ago. He bit and chewed and swallowed robotically, haunted by one thing, the more he considered.
That was the thought that Carlos had been… lucky.
But no—no—he knew Carlos better than that, he reminded himself. He knew he’d survived more than “luck” could ever save him from.
And that wasn’t to say luck hadn’t been a factor, just that it wasn’t…
Jay yawned, losing the thought. He took another bite of his trail bar, chewed it sleepily, almost forgot to swallow, and then stuffed the rest into his pocket as he curled up in a ball on the couch, letting his eyes close on a last thought that he should check on Carlos soon…
However long “soon” was stretched, Jay hadn’t the slightest.
He woke abruptly, thinking he had heard his name, but it was quiet.
Nonetheless, Jay uncurled his limbs into a stretch and set his feet on the floor, keeping an ear out. There was a moan from the bedroom, followed by mumbling. He was sure now of his name being uttered, but also that Carlos was dreaming, which only peaked his curiosity.
Sure, Carlos’ sleep talk was mostly nonsense, like fretting to Jay that his hair was made of snow and he’d go bald in the spring, or trying to knead his pillow back into softness because it’d gotten “petrified.”
(“I’m not your pillow, dude,” Jay would grumble to the last one.)
Tonight, though, Jay soon realized—
Carlos wasn’t talking any nonsense.
He was slurring pleas the way Jay had only ever heard him do at his mother’s feet, after a beating—those times Jay wanted most for the earth to swallow him up, so he didn’t have to stand there, didn’t have to watch. He knew Carlos was right when he said it was “better that way,” because she could do worse, and HAD (because of him), but—
“Don’t go,” he heard Carlos whisper, voice hoarse. “Jay, please…”
Jay shook out from his daze and was through the curtain before he’d processed his intent to move. He fumbled for a lighter in one of his pockets as he moved toward the mattress, then dropped to his knees and lit the lantern there beside it. The flame jumped up and cast the room in a warm glow, bright enough that when Jay turned, he saw the sweat on Carlos’ brow and the lines of stress around his eyes—
“Carlos, hey,” he murmured, leaning close without touching. “Hey, come on, wake up, you’re having a nightmare.” He gave a gentle tug to the pillow under Carlos’ head, then similarly went to disturb the blanket until he saw that Carlos’ eyes were starting to flutter open—
“Jay?” Carlos groaned and put a hand to his head. “What, where…”
Jay stayed quiet, watching as the memories of the night came all at once to Carlos, who groaned again and tried to roll away before Jay stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. “Dude, keep your leg up.”
Carlos laughed, thick with exhaustion. “Why, so I’ll die slower?”
He took the silence for an answer and looked away; but then—
“I’m not letting you die, dumbass.” Jay bore his weight down harder on Carlos’ shoulder as he said it. He hadn’t meant to, but even when he realized, he didn’t stop—not until Carlos looked at him again. “I mean it,” Jay said lowly, practically glaring. “Don’t you fucking dare give up on me now, De Vil, I swear. I’ll make you regret it, got that?”
Carlos’ thin smile was a mockery of humour. “Living or dying?”
“What?” asked Jay, glare softening into a puzzled expression.
“What’ll you make me regret?” asked Carlos.
Jay’s expression flattened and he drew back completely, gaze falling to the blood smeared on Carlos’ blanket. Damn it, he thought, fingers twitching with the urge to fist. He’d let his focus scatter, left Carlos’ wounds half-cleaned and unbandaged, at risk for infection—
Gods, what was he thinking earlier, wondering at Carlos’ luck?
Of course he had none, because if he did, it’d be Evie here, not Jay.
That was the thought on which he moved to stand and retrieve a rag and bandages—finish what he started, if nothing else; that was the thought on which he stopped, feeling Carlos grab his wrist tight—
They looked at each other and that was all. A look.
Then, Carlos dropped his wrist and turned his head away.
Jay stood slowly, watching Carlos, waiting for him to say something that he never did. Finally, he left the room, and when he returned with his supplies in hand, Carlos remained as he was, looking away.
The thing about it was the look before, however brief, had lingered.
Jay could see it there in his mind’s eye, overlaying the wounds and the bandages as he wrapped them. “There,” he said softly, as he tied off the last knot. It wasn’t perfect, but it’d hold. At least for the night.
“Thanks,” Carlos whispered to the far wall, meaning it for Jay.
Jay nodded, and then realized Carlos wouldn’t see it, so he cleared his throat and answered, “Yeah.” He sat there a moment, like he was waiting for something (for Carlos to look at him, maybe). He didn’t, so Jay gathered up what was left of the bandages, plus the dirty rag, and stood—and paused again—then, turned slowly on his heel—
He was tired, see, that was the problem.
Hadn’t slept enough. Hard to think.
He ditched the rag in a corner, near a pile of last week’s laundry, and stuffed the bandages away in the top drawer of the dresser. Evie was sure to find them there later and put them back in their place, so…
Nodding absently to himself, Jay began his usual ritual of removing his beanie and combing his hair out with his fingers to untangle the worst knots. Then, he pulled his shirt up over his head, let it drop to the floor, and unbuttoned his pants to reveal his orange plaid boxers.
“Aren’t you cold?” Carlos mumbled, startling Jay into a glance back.
Their eyes locked and Jay couldn’t help but notice Carlos was trying not to shiver. It was obvious, first, in how rigid he looked, from the set of his jaw to the curl of his fingers around the edge of the blanket (peeking out from the top); then, of course, there were the twitches—
(Yeah, Jay knew pride when he saw it. He had enough of his own.)
“Are you?” he asked, turning fully around, one eyebrow raised.
Carlos hesitated, then started to answer, “I… can’t really feel my—” He sucked in a sharp breath, briefly closing his eyes. “Nevermind,” he said, quiet and pitchy, as Jay walked over to relieve him of the ice.
Well, it wasn’t even ice anymore, but as for Carlos’ foot—
Jay almost recoiled at the brush of that freezing skin against his.
“Hades,” he murmured, glancing at Carlos, who forced an odd smile that looked more like a grimace. Told you I’m fucked, Jay read in that expression. But Jay just shook his head—an unconscious response—
He left the room without a word, looking distracted.
Returning through the curtain about a minute later, lights switched off in the main room, Jay had a small blue towel bunched nervously in one hand. “I got you this,” he told Carlos, who’d been staring up at the ceiling, but now watched as Jay cocooned his injured foot in such a way, it looked like a spire atop his stubby tower of pillows—
Ridiculous, was all Carlos could think, the word echoing into infinity.
His eyes stung, suddenly, and he brought his arms up, covering his face in a tight knot of limbs. “You want to know,” he started, voice muffled by the press of his skin against his lips, “what happened?”
Jay didn’t answer immediately, but Carlos felt the mattress dip and the blankets shift, and soon enough, there was a radiant warmth just inches from him that he longed to curve into, but couldn’t. Couldn’t.
That’s when Jay breathed out a sigh of, “It can wait, ‘Los.”
Carlos shook his head, still buried beneath his arms, if not as tightly. “You want to know,” he muttered. “You said it. You want to know.”
“Sure,” said Jay, after a silence, his tone one of resignation.
Slowly, Carlos let his arms down, laying them at his sides. He glared up at the ceiling as he began to explain, “No one followed me here.”
(Jay had figured as much.)
“Third was—I don’t know, he… knew about it—our whole stupid trick with the rocks? I saw one broken and, you know, just… figured it was you or Mal, so I opened the gate, but... he’d gotten in already.”
“What?” Jay asked, pushing up on one elbow, brows knit together, lips parted to say more—something true that wasn’t now, like—
This place was their secret, his and Carlos’ and Mal’s and Evie’s.
That couldn’t not be true, he wanted to argue—but with who?
“Yeah, turns out it’s a shit location for our so-called hideout,” Carlos remarked, glancing askance at Jay—only the briefest of moments. “I didn’t realize until… I heard him coming up the stairs, and by then, I mean—I don’t know, didn’t really think—I might’ve stabbed him?”
At that, Jay nodded, having witnessed the gouge on Third’s arm.
“Halfway up, I guess, he kinda… fell on me, and the step broke, and he must have lost his balance. I felt him slipping, trying to grab me, but my foot was stuck. Don’t think I even really shoved him. Fucker was heavy.” Carlos paused and took a breath. “Heard him say I was dead, and then—you know—he was.” He turned his head to look at Jay, who’d sunk back down onto his side, cheek resting on his arm—
“Didn’t say what he wanted,” said Jay, both statement and question.
“I don’t remember,” said Carlos, voice carefully level. His eyes were on Jay, but it wasn’t a challenge; just a way of saying: Don’t ask again.
Jay’s eyes narrowed slightly, though he didn’t push further.
He knew what it meant to want to keep a secret. He had his own.
Finally, after a silence, Carlos looked up to the ceiling again, and Jay rolled onto his back. He didn’t have a pillow, but he didn’t mind. He folded his arms in a pretzel shape and watched the shadows dance across the ceiling, dark shapes puppeted by the flickering lantern—
“Tomorrow, if you want, I’ll get some of your stuff,” Jay murmured.
Carlos was quiet, but shifted beside him, and Jay could see out of the corner of his eye that he was staring again, on the verge of frowning.
“You know I can’t just…” Carlos trailed off.
“Can’t just what?” Jay prompted, though he already knew.
Carlos sighed in frustration, bringing a hand up to cover his face. He dragged it down slowly, mumbling into his fingers, “Think about it, Jay. I know you’re not fucking stupid. Third was, and he still figured out I’d be here. Think my mother won’t?” His hand fell away and he realized, with more frustration, he’d expected Jay to look at him—and he wasn’t. That read as denial, so he pressed: “I can’t just disappear.”
Jay’s eyes flickered sideways in a glance before he fully rolled back onto his side again, long hair sliding over his shoulder and one hand propped beneath his chin. “Right, so… what was your plan before?”
“Before what?” asked Carlos, face scrunched in confusion.
“Before you knew it was me,” Jay replied, gaze intense on Carlos. “I walked in here—could have been anyone—what the fuck was your plan?” His voice rose slightly as his temper flared, thinking back on the scene he’d walked in on—the way Carlos hadn’t seemed to care, at first, or even now, how the story would end—
Jay took a steadying breath, while Carlos stared at him, unblinking.
“I just… want to know,” Jay continued, eyes falling to the blanket he had fisted in one hand, “that I… wouldn’t have found you later—” He paused, gripping the blanket harder. “Like… Third,” he finished.
“Oh,” said Carlos, almost inaudible. He averted his eyes and pulled a hand out from under the blanket to rub at his left knee, starting to feel the strain and stiffness of having his leg up so long. “I mean,” he started to say, the words coming out halting, “I wasn’t… trying…”
Carlos trailed off, and Jay knew he’d meant to say more, but it didn’t matter. There was truth in it, either way. He’d seen it earlier, when he’d walked in on the scene: Carlos had been waiting—and not to be saved. That wasn’t everything, though, and Jay shouldn’t forget it—
Carlos had made it to the top of the stairs.
He’d unlocked the door, found the medicine cabinet.
That meant something, if only… that things weren’t black and white.
Suddenly, Carlos let out a soft huff and Jay could practically feel him scuttling back into a shell of frustration. “You changed the subject,” he accused, so petulant in his tone that Jay actually almost laughed.
“Did not,” said Jay, sounding equally petulant.
“Yeah, you did,” Carlos muttered, shifting his weight as though he meant to turn away from Jay before he remembered, a split second later, that he didn’t have that option while keeping his leg up. He made an irritable noise and crossed his arms above the blanket, only for a violent shiver to quake him and set him grumbling to himself.
Jay shuffled closer as Carlos continued to fidget and squirm. “You’re hogging the pillows,” Jay mumbled when Carlos twisted his neck to look at him, eyes wide and blinking rapidly because Jay was… close.
He’d set his head at the edge of the pillow, hooded stare on Carlos.
Quickly, Carlos turned his gaze up to the ceiling—so quickly, in fact, that some of the earlier dizziness he’d felt flooded back into his senses. He closed his eyes, suppressing a shiver from the warmth of Jay pressed in against his side, almost burning after so much cold—
“Getting your stuff tomorrow,” Jay murmured out of the blue, on the edge of sleep, some several minutes later. He breathed a soft, warm exhale that tickled Carlos’ neck as he added, “You’re not leaving…”
Carlos sighed, not opening his eyes. “Jay…”
With a sleepy grunt, Jay draped a warm, solid arm over Carlos’ chest and uttered a simple, “No,” that made Carlos want to sigh again—
Instead, letting his head fall to one side, so his curls were brushing Jay’s forehead and their noses were inches apart, he opened his eyes to look at Jay’s face in the dimming orange glow of the lantern.
“Starting to think you’re a dumbass,” Carlos whispered.
Jay’s lashes fluttered, dull eyes cracking open. “Me?”
“Yeah, you.”
“Not the one who drank the disinfector…”
“Disinfectant,” Carlos huffed, causing Jay to crack a tired smile, “and it’s not just for that, y’know…” He said this much quieter, once Jay’s eyes had closed again, and Carlos had turned his head back straight, gaze on the ceiling, watching shadows stretching, shifting, merging.
“I know,” Jay said softly, almost a sigh. “Helps with the pain.”
“Supposed to,” Carlos agreed, feeling his eyelids drooping.
What helped more than he’d admit, more than the liquor Evie had watered down, sparing him a headache worse than he felt budding, was just the warmth of Jay—his presence there beside him, and—
From that, a hope like a flame, that was always flickering.
It’d been near embers tonight—
Didn’t feel that way now.
Jay made him… want to survive. It was kind of annoying.
Thank you for reading! Reblogs are always appreciated. If you'd like to leave kudos or a comment on AO3, I'd appreciate that, too! ♥
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