#just a bad day

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[smolsleepykitten]

When you see your friends happy and in relationships while your left alone:

Sorry for this post- just needed to get this out..

[corpsecoochie]

Oof. We’re really in it today girlies.

[lumossity]

my mental & body image are both so low today, i hate how my brain makes me feel sometimes 🫠

[the-slasher-files]

Gonna go kill myself in the woods, who wants to join me?

[pale-grunge-dark]

I slept so bad yesterday/today, my whole entire body hurts :')

[bestrongbebrave49]

There’s something about loneliness. The way it corrodes the essence of you; how fear teaches you to shrivel up even when every part of you begs for companionship.

[jude-us]

I’m not exaggerating when I say this post changed my life. Seeing this as a terrified self hating 17 year old was like finding a fresh water lake in the middle of the Sahara.

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[lousydrawingsforgoodpeople]

[bigolgay]

Forcing my dog to nap with me so I can feel him as I sleep and know I’m not alone🥲

I love him sm

[sylvanfreckles]

I really wish I knew what I was getting wrong. Even the stuff I write than gets hundreds of hits gets 0 reviews.

Hate having to air my dirty laundry about my health or how much the world is on fire just to get someone to say something. 🙃

[beatheprincess]

Was in my head today and my energy v low😔 compared to monday buh glad it's the weekend cant wait to shop , regress and binge watch qubo cartoons bru ☆♡☆♡☆♡

[justanothernumberinthesystem]

Posting Things on Tumblr is like writing a diary. Nobody will read it unless it someone close who wants to use your Secrets against you.

[mamzellebunny]

I hope you had fun with your friend..

I admit that finally finding myself all alone To wait, 1, 2, 3 hours..

Finally accept that it's not just a beer... that clearly you are staying to consume more. It's okay, you do what you want... But what hurts me...

What makes me feel insecure... It's that you told me a few minutes before that you didn't want to drink... that you wanted to “clean out your system”.

Besides you knew that I was at your house... and for the rare times that we see each other, I would have thought that you would have been happy to spend time with me.

To say that you're going to have a beer and that you'll come back later...and then it ends up being a shot until the bar closes...

Limit... You could have invited me.. or just told me not to wait for you.

No, silence and me staring at the ceiling because I can't tell myself if I'm going to bed or if I'm waiting for you...

It's unfortunately not the first time... And far from... That you don't respect your words.

I am someone who forgives without even saying it. And that's a fault... Because you can't guess that you're hurting me.

I think that everything I'm telling you now, maybe you haven't even realized it...

Maybe you know it and it's a voluntary choice and... Unfortunately, if it's a choice, deliberate about it. acting like that with me, it just makes me understand that everything you said to me the other night was just words to make me stay and that it wasn't sincere.

I want a serious relationship... Not a friendship with benefits... Or to be a rebound.....

And you've known it since day one... I have always been honest with you. But I admit that despite the fact that I feel attached to you. I developed a feeling of love at the beginning and despite everything... I believe I am in love because despite absolutely everything... I failed to hate you or blame you and make the decision to leave....

[emberglowfox]

birds of a feather