#just a very present topic in my mind is all and other types of accessibility too definitely need to be discussed more

[bibiana112]

Tom: I can't see these letters

Me: man playing videogames when you're color blind must suck. Games really could be doing better when it comes to accessibility in general tbh

yeah I mean where I'm studying game design at least we're always pushed to have workarounds and/or features that make sure something like this doesn't happen but it still could be better yeah, I think puzzle games suffer from it the most even though I remember Tom also having a hard time with the kingdom hearts 1 hp bars though they've improved those

[neptune-scythe]

quick thing about the nuances of desire that is often over looked, specifically in regards to touch aversion

the argument I get the most when discussing Kanej having a relationship without any physical intimacy or touch is that they both want that

but here's the thing

yes they both express desires for touch or physical intimacy, but it's not as black and white as that.

there's three points I wanna make here

the first is there's a difference between wanting something and fantasizing about it. and by that I mean you can like the idea of something, you can have a desire for that idea, but it isn't the actual thing. so for the topic of touch, you can like the idea of a hug or a kiss, you can desire to experience the same feeling from it that other people do or that you think you should, but in reality it isn't actually enjoyable to you, it doesn't give you the feeling you want it to. you want it, maybe even enough to try it again and again, but it may never give you what you want out of it.

the second point ties into the first one nicely of being that you can want the feeling that touch is supposed to give, so you think you want the touch as well. but in reality you just haven't separated the two. you want the comfort, the safety, the closeness, the protection, or whatever else that you're supposed to feel when you touch someone, you might not actually want or enjoy the touch itself or get those feelings from it. but once you separate the two you can find those feelings you're searching for in other ways that are actually comfortable and beneficial.

and the third point is that sometimes you just want to want something. you want to have the desire to touch someone, to be able to feel comfortable with it, but you don't. you might try and convince yourself that you do want it because you think you're supposed to, but the actual desire just isn't there. you want to have the desire rather than actually having the desire.

so for Kaz and Inej, yes they both expressed desires for physical intimacy, but it's not as black and white as "they said they want it so that's what they need to be happy"

desire is much deeper than that, and humans are much more nuanced and layered and unpredictable.

and yes there are also times when people just have desires without any of the extra stuff, but given their history I personally don't think Kaz or Inej are that type. There are too many conflicting feelings and experiences for it to be that simple in my opinion.

and if there's one thing Leigh Bardugo is good at it's making deep, multifaceted, and complex characters, and that's what I enjoy so much about them. they have the capacity to portray all those nuances of desire that other characters just can't, and that's a very beautiful and important thing ... especially for y/a books. to capture the human experience, to explain the aspects of humanity that are hard to discover in one's self or notice in other people. it's a bridge to deeper understanding, it's putting that ability to understand in a language that is more accessible and universal than an intellectual self help book or an essay.

so to circle back to my overarching point, desire isn't a simple thing. thinking "I want __" doesn't necessarily translate perfectly the way it presents, and there are many complexities to the human mind that are unpredictable and surprising.

[danyvhell-writes]

General Kuras headcanons (Touchstarved)

GN reader - no warnings | Literally my second fav character in this game, love him sm ! Had a lot to say about this sweet angel so here we are. I want him to read me a bedtime story, then we can cuddle. Also I might post about Leander next time...

• Divine smell like omg the aromas, the fragrance ! A mix of clean clothes, nutmeg, honeysuckle & jasmine. (my personal fav but it's up to you)

• Radiates warmth, physically and also in terms of energy. Whenever he's near you, you can't help but relax and feel welcome. He makes you feel safe no matter what. He thinks it's cute that you like hugging him so much.

• If you're short don't worry ! Kuras won't mind reaching things you can't, he'll be your personal assistant for high supplies you can't get.

• We know he uses he/him pronouns but being an angel, a being of pure light & love, would technically make him genderless/agender ? Can he shapeshift ? Surely, but who truly knows... Ah what a gorgeous mysterious being.

• He's able to perceive souls and energies. He doesn't need to 'know' people to actually know them if that makes sense.

• He finds you fascinating and so do you ! You love listening to whatever he has to say because it's genuinely so interesting, his thought process is so intriguing. You two always have endless conversations about so many topics ! You'd never have thought he'd be this talkative but oh do you enjoy it.

• Have a calm reading session with him and he's yours ! This is his vision of the perfect date. Can't read because you're tired ? He'll read for you while you relax, charmed by his soothing voice. Of course, he loves your voice too ! Read him your favourite book, he will listen with much attention. He's all ears.

• If you're a very spiritual person, you'll love him even more. Talk to him about spirits, energies, deities etc… there's so much he'll teach and explain to you ! This tall guy is full of knowledge (big brain over here).

• Remember when he said "Do not be afraid." ? He meant it ! I think he's still used to his original form and so doesn't want to scare anyone. His current form is more accessible for mortals and he's trying his best to 'fit in'. (His incarnation is the opposite of scary but I don't think he realizes how attractive he is)

• He's omnilingual. That's it. No but fr, I don't know what his role is/was precisely as an angel (if he was a messenger or a guardian) but he understands any languages ! He tries to hide this ability because how could he explain it without sounding suspicious ? "How do I know javanese & martiniquan creole ? Oh, well it's a long story. I do not think you would find this interesting, really MC."

• Want to share jewelry with him ? Of course, go on. Give him your stuff, he'll love wearing whatever you have especially if it's golden. If you have big earrings like his he'll love them, big 10/10, sharing is caring as we say ! You guys would switch earrings a lot and I think it's adorable.

• If you're polyglot, he'd appreciate greatly to talk with you in your native tongue or other. Need some help with your vocabulary or something ? He's here to help ! Don't hesitate to ask him anything. → Would be really fun to have you, Kuras and Ais talking in other languages together ! Imagine the possibilities !!! Such interesting conversations omg

• 100% the type of person to gift you accessories and aesthetic presents. "This brooch reminded me of you ! I thought you would like to add it to your collection. What do you think ?" and you're just standing "???? Thanks omg you're so sweet !" 😭

• I'm sure he has a lot of fun facts about anatomy and medicine in general. He's also the type of person to tell the most gruesome anecdote about one of his patient and go "Oh but they are completely fine now, you do not need to worry MC :)" like okay if you say so doc…

• We know he's not the most expressive but you get him with a simplicity that is surprising ! Whether it's the tone he uses, his choice of words or the way he looks at his interlocutor, you can easily decipher how he feels. People say he's distant and appears a little cold but you know he's the most affectionate person you've ever seen !

• Always buys you food and invites you to eat outside to make up for the fact that he cooks badly ! He's truly sorry for his poor cooking skills but is always willing to feed you the best products in town. Please, teach him some basics. How can you be a good doctor when your food is causing stomach aches ??

• Afraid to be too comfortable around him ? Don't worry, he's a doctor. If you think sneezing or burping in front of him is embarrassing, remember he sees sick people and corpses on a daily basis. ↑ If you happen to sneeze next to him and feel gross because of the snot, no prob ! He'd simply go "Oh, bless you. Do you need a tissue ? I have my handkerchief if you want." with his cute lil smile.

• If texting was a thing in TS, he would 100% overuse the ":)" smiley. You'll find it at the end of every freakin text, you can't run away from it lmaoeuzfh. "Good morning MC, how are you ? :)" "One of my patient has been affected by -insert horrible affliction-, therefore I will see you this afternoon :)" "I'm deeply sorry to hear that your mentor passed away, may they rest in peace :)" "Ais said that I, I quote, 'give off milf energy' ? Would you mind explaining this term to me ? I asked Leander but he seemed uncomfortable. :)"

• Likes going on walks with you. Think you can't keep up with his long legs ? Just wrap your arm around his and he won't lose you. He's very careful to adapt to your pace so you can enjoy the moment. → Would definitely pick flowers for you while you guys are strolling around the city. He knows flower language so he'd tell you what they mean if you want. Also you have to tell him your favourite flower(s), he'll gift you the best bouquets ever (he would make them himself of course) !

• He's a doctor so he might go picking plants and flowers for his medicines. Just imagine him with a little basket, wandering around fields like a little witch :') Go flowerpicking with him please 😩 he'd love to share this activity with you !

• Whenever you get home after spending time with him, you always find white feathers hidden on & in your clothes. Can be on your vest, in your pockets, even in your bag ! At first you wonder if Kuras doesn't own a bird and he's like "Oh ! Do not worry, these are mine." "Yours ? Like your pet's ?" "No dear, mine. I happen to lose my feathers sometimes, it's not convenient and I am sorry if this bothers you." "...Oh hm, okay ?". So then you just collect them cause they're pretty and soft. (He wouldn't mind if you used the small ones to stuff your pillows really.)

• Lets you braid his hair. If you have some pretty accessories that go well with his aesthetic, don't hesitate ! He likes how you touch his hair with softness, always careful.

• This is him. No need for further explanation.

[viviennevermillion]

Things to do with Vil

notes: reposting bc I’m deleting my archived sideblogs. can be read as platonic or romantic.

contains: vil schoenheit x gn!reader

warnings: none

Sipping tea and eating cake tbh. I mean, have you read his lab coat story? This man is overworked and constantly trying to hold an appearance, he’ll be glad to just sit down with you and drink a cup of his favorite tea in a dim lit room, preferably in the evening. I headcanon Vil as one of those people who can’t relax during daytime because he’d feel like he should be productive instead so just bring him a cup once the sun has set and he’ll comply a lot easier. He’ll refuse to eat the cake at first because of the calories so he will just longingly stare at it for a solid 15 minutes until you convince him to try it.

Let him do your hair and make up and pick an outfit for you. This one’s pretty obvious. You can always rely on his beauty skills and when Vil takes care of your looks you can guarantee it’ll look fabulous in the end! Additionally Vil just loves showing off said skills and being creative. Just let his brain work its magic. He’ll be very considerate of what qualities, passions and unique characteristics you have and will try his best to make you radiate those on the outside. It’ll be like making art for him. Especially if he knows you well it’s like a challenge for him: “How can I portray the identity of this person through their appearance?” And we all know Vil loves a good challenge. Make sure to compliment the final result too! Because in the end showing off fashion is a lot like serving a dinner you cooked; you just want the people you made it for to enjoy it and to acknowledge you!

As I’ve said Vil loves a good challenge and some friendly competitions! Got a huge wardrobe? Access to a large shop full of clothes? Drawing skills? A website where you can put outfits together? Take turns giving eachother prompts! Whether it’s Halloween or afternoon at the beach or dark academia, just try to work with the topic and portray it with fashion. Vil enjoys comparing the final results and seeing how your result and interpretation of the motto differs from his own, even though he’ll be highly critical (forgive him, he means well).

Go to a restaurant together. Let Vil pick the restaurant. And for the sake of Azul and the tweels make sure it’s not Mostro Lounge. Because Vil is a Gordon Ramsey level of critical. But if he does like the food it’ll be a calm and enjoyable atmosphere.

Major headcanon of mine is that Vil just loves deep conversations and long debates. As long as it’s not one of his fields of expertise he’s actually really considerate of your opinions and arguments. He doesn’t mind having his perspectives challenged once in a while. Despite being slightly superficial at first glance, Vil is more than capable of appreciating an innovative mind and some casual critical thinking. Give him your thoughts on beauty standards in our society! Discuss the education at NRC! Debate Epels views on gender roles! Pick a topic you like and know stuff about. Vil’s gonna talk and he’s gonna like it. I feel like he gets those types of conversations rarely and as much as he loves his career, he’s around superficiality way too much and some balance will do him good!

Go to the theatre! Theatre kid Vil is lowkey canon by now. I bet he loves dressing fancy in the evening and watching an interesting play with you. Will quote it later on. And ofc discuss all the behind the scenes stuff and how the script was portrayed and the costumes etc. Rambles about this for 2 hours.

Same goes for the cinema. Hell, he’s in the Movie Appreciation Club. He’s an actor. Out of respect for you and the other customers he won’t comment on anything during the movie but you can bet he’s going to hold you a presentation about it right after.

If you play an instrument or can sing, perform a duet together. Just the two of you when no people are around. Let Vil pick a song he vibes with. If you two are dating and get a good recording it’ll be his ringtone but psst~

Vil’s aesthetic sense is so strong, he can’t help but project onto things like poetry, art, landscapes, symbolism etc. constantly. Vibes and atmospheres have a bigger impact on his mood than he would like to. Chances are there are some of those things he associates with you. Go to art museums. Take a walk in the beautiful nature. Sit down in the library and read something together. This is also how you get him to be emotional. Vil is a very private person usually but sit in front of the Pomefiore dorm at night, look at the stars and read the legend of the Beautiful Queen together and chances are he’s going to offhandedly mention childhood memories or his father. Especially when it’s night time and he’s tired. He’s gonna regret this in the morning but you won’t soooo

If you’re close enough and he’s comfortable letting his guard down around you honestly just let him be silly and chaotic once in a while. He needs it and he also deserves it. Have a pillow fight. Make some stupid puns. Look at memes on Magicam. Gossip about the teachers. Vil’s honest, natural laugh is beautiful and he’s doing it way less than he probably should.

Study sessions! Vil will help you out in subjects you struggle. He’ll ask for your feedback in subjects you’re good at. Both of you will be more calm and motivated in each other’s presence while studying.

Believe it or not - cooking. Don’t get me wrong, Vil won’t get his hands dirty. He’ll wear gloves the entire time and the maximum he’s willing to touch anything messy is when he’s seperating an egg. Want him to make dough? No chance. Doesn’t touch flour. Or wash the dishes. Or cut onions because the crying would ruin his makeup yk? But he’ll cut the vegetables for you and stir the pot and decorate the plate and then he’ll look at the final result like “I made this” with a neutral smile but you can see the pride in his eyes.

Honestly just let this man relax and be a normal 18 year old once in a while.

[violentviolette]

idk why people treat you like an expert on mental illness and not just a tumblr blogger

its not entirely on them tbh, i think ppl are desperate for help in a time when mental health shit is both everywhere but also 90% of it is dead wrong, and so the moment they find somone who is making sense and is accessible they just kind jump in head first which is partly my own doing, like i do very much present myself in this space as someone who is both knowlegeable about mental health and also willing to give advice and speak on topics. so like while i am still very very much just Some Guy and not at all an expert, im also some guy with a college degree in sociology, counseling experience, multiple mental illnesses and almost 20 years experience with multiple different types of therapy and in the system. which i think for a lot of people is more than most of the other sources they're looking at

so like i get why ppl come here and ask me stuff and i dont mind at all, i just wish they would take it with a grain of salt when something i say doesnt apply to them or makes them feel some type'a way

[wowitscoldoutpt2]

Not to victim blame, but if u got traumatized on the internet as a kid, it's kinda ur fault. Hear me out here ok hear me out.

I've had unrestricted internet access my whole life, my parents never had any type of lock or control on my phone or whatever. Keep in mind that I've had this access since the third (ish) grade. The rule was if they ever caught me looking at something I shouldn't, I'd lose it forever. And I believed them lol.

The worst thing I ever saw as a kid was stacyplays and graser10 playing the drill, which is a minecraft horror map, if you're wondering. (I just looked it up to rewatch it just now and I can't find it so. You'll just have to believe me. I can't actually find anything at all about it, so maybe this all is a very elaborate hallucination on my part.) Anyway, the drill is a space station type, Alien sort of deal. There's a creature in there w you and it makes all sorts of spooky noises and I remember there's a really big jumpscare in the middle that terrified me as a kid.

I watched cinemasins and the kill count later on which can be a little worse but honestly the drill is the only thing that I can explicitly remember.

And don't say "well obviously you were ona different side of the internet than I was" aright Dr Main Character, calm down. We're all kids here, somewhere someway you trained the algorithm. Remember that the algorithm is based on you.

Of course I watched film theory too, which, duh, leads back to things like ddlc and fnaf. Here's where I start to get maybe a little controversial, because I watched Mark play a lot of the FNAF games as a kid, a whole bunch of em. I don't really love horror. I remember at the fair once there was a big decal on the side of one of the rides of a man getting eaten alive by zombies with a slit throat and that sorta put me off. So whenever FNAF got a lil too edgy for me, I clicked off the video.

Same thing with DDLC, and Silent Scream and Her Last Words and all that other bullshit that was on youtube in 2015 or whatever. There are warnings and I listened to them, I feel like that's to be expected.

Well apparently not lmao. Maybe I'm doxxing myself a lil here, but I'm in one of my classes we had this presentation project where we'd all pick a topic we know a lot about and make a lil PowerPoint on it and then present it to the class. Super cute and fun, I had a lot of fun with mine and I think the class had a lot of fun listening to me too. One kid did his presentation on the lore of FNAF, which of course brought up this whole discussion. The general consensus in class that day was that the kids are not at fault for seeing the whole Springtrap Ordeal, and that it was fucked up and yadda yadda, so traumatic. I didn't say any of this then because I'm honestly a little afraid a kid in this class who I'd be debating up against, but I'm gonna say it now.

Watching Something Else is the easiest thing to do on the internet. And I'm not saying that it was right for your parents to allow you on the internet so soon. I am saying that if you're reading this right now, you have the ability to Watch Something Else. Kids are dumb, that's not your fault that you were a dumb kid, I was dumb too. But I am gonna go ahead and say that if the whole Springtrap Ordeal scarred you as a kid, that's ur own fault.

Imagine me dropping a mic here, if u wanna

[gramletter2]

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[platosgirl09]

Algorithms: YouTube vs. Tumblr vs. TikTok - A Vicious Rant

  Let me just say this; YouTube’s ability to detect what I want to watch is absolutely abysmal. Yes, all the videos on my page are related to videos I’ve recently watched. No, I don’t want to engage with any of the content.

  It’s all the same. YouTube’s been trying to feed me the same videos for about a week; it makes the video-pool look super tiny. And maybe it is? Is it?! I find it hard to believe that there are no new content creators or new content coming in.

  I know it doesn’t matter at all, but I’m so passionately dissatisfied. It’s like, maybe if they try to sell me on this one video today, they’ll finally get me—like a cold-call salesman. And honestly, sometimes I’ll watch their videos because it feels like there isn’t anything else to watch. I’ve reached the bottom of the internet.

  Except, I refuse to accept that this is true; YouTube is perhaps the biggest video platform alive (next to TikTok, and we’ll get to that). So, my complaints are of the following nature:

1. The Algorithm is too “tight”; the recommended videos are too narrow based on its analysis. So basically, if I search “Granny Smith Apples”, it feels like every video would need to meet the criteria  “Granny” + “Smith” + “Apples”. However, I’d probably be interested in other Apples. It feels like the algorithm never takes me there; it choke-holds me into a corner of what I already know. Which brings me to the next point...

2. The Algorithm does not introduce new topics or types of content. I feel like I’m living in a fucking bubble, and I hate it. I want to see videos from views and perspectives other than my own. I want to know what’s happening around the world, what other people are interested in. But my video-pool is so narrow that I feel like I can never escape my own tastes, and it’s just a jerk-circle-echo-chamber of things that I already believe in, and therefore, do not excite me.

My issue with the Tumblr Algorithm:

  Before we get started, let it be known that I fucking love Tumblr. I worship this platform; Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Twitter,... none of them hold a candle to Tumblr (which I could explain fully at another time). However, one of my few gripes with Tumblr is, surprise-surprise, its content algorithm.

  As a “newer” user (joining in the past month or so), I really want to discover new Tumblrs and content; I want to engage and explore the community. My “For You Page” is looking quite bare, and I found that even after refreshing, it just shows the same posts over and over again. The lack of access to new content has me put the app down; similar to YouTube, it feels like I’m always seeing the same things.

  I’ve tried following a wide range of tags, hunting down Tumblr pages through post-chains, and following a variety of interesting pages. But this process has enlightened me to a few things:

1. In order to find new content, I need to actively put in effort. But honestly, I don’t want to try. I want the algorithm to present a platter of treats it thinks I might like. And I don’t have to like all of them; I just don’t want to have to use Tumblr in the same way as Google Search. And that’s how it feels right now; like I have to actively find things to engage with. Not only does this present the issue of being “limited to what I already know”, but the barrier-to-exposure is too high for me to bother making the effort sometimes.

2. The refresh mechanism for recommended content isn’t strong enough. Yes, some posts cycle out, but it feels like about half the posts stay the same. But why are they there? I’ve seen them. Unlike YouTube (which could benefit from showing old content in case you’re in a better mind-state to watch certain videos), Tumblr content generally has a very low consumption time; you see it, you read it, you move on. Most posts don’t require extended engagement, and if Tumblr wants to make space for longer posts (like this god-awful rant) to get a second chance at engagement, then cycle out the short meme posts and only retain the essays. Or add a feature where people can save longer posts for later. I understand that adding any new feature or changes can be challenging; I’m just trying to create an ideal situation.

My thoughts and praises for the TikTok Algorithm:

  Before I get into this; I want to say that I respect each platform’s brand identity. I don’t want Instagram to become TikTok, and in the same sense I don’t want Tumblr to become anything other than what it is. With that said, I don’t think updating the Algorithm affects the essence of the platform; I’m not asking Tumblr (or YouTube) to change any of its features, I’m just asking it to let me use it better.

  In my experience, TikTok has achieved the best Algorithmic balance; I feel like I’m always stumbling across videos I like, or new videos about things that I didn’t know I was interested in. I feel like my knowledge and taste is expanding, and it truly does feel like a bottomless pit. I’m also always running into new content and creators that I love.

  I understand that part of TikTok’s success in this respect is due to the type of media and interface; short videos are easy to engage with, and disengaging undesired content (through a quick swipe) is so low-effort that you can pretty much forgive any bad recommendation. This aspect easily helps TikTok thrive in ways that static pages like YouTube and Tumblr could not.

  Is it the case, then, that Tumblr and YouTube are destined to fail based on the platform-design alone? I don’t think so. And I say this because, throughout my gripes, I have not mentioned the need to change any core features; all the tools are, largely, already there. I am engaging with content; I just feel like the type of content being provided is making me put down my phone/do something else.

 And honestly, maybe that’s a good thing? I’m not trying to advocate for people to have a consumption addiction. Maybe YouTube and Tumblr are surprisingly altruistic and free from the claws of capitalism; their need to ensure a healthy engagement balance completely trumps their desires for “big numbers” and “commercial success”. Maybe?

  I don’t fucking know.

  I just want to find blogs and posts that I like instead of having a late-night existential crisis.

[remsmoonlight]

— title : point of view

— word count : 3k words

— pairing : daryl dixon x reader

— summary : tomorrow is something that is never promised, less so when the dead walk the Earth. being trapped for the night when a storm pours down upon you and daryl while trapped in a decrepit house by a few walkers are you sick and tired of hiding what you feel.

— warnings : some swearing, talk of potential death ( of the reader ) , a wee bit of angst that turned into more at the end :)

note: omg another daryl oneshot i gotta chill ajksajksk, but i had like seven main bullet points i made to follow when writing this and i followed like...... two, three at the most, anyways.... enjoy? this is brought to u by ariana’s discography lmao oops it does be cute at some point tho ... also felt a bit hsm with that one line at the end ahaha but fr lemme stop talking now

      ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*   requests are open !   *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Dark and gloomy clouds swirl over your head, blending into an extremely large and angry looking ready to descend from above. You wonder to yourself just how long you have left before the loud cracks that crumble through the air to accompany the forceful winds and pouring drops of rain are finally released. Halfway through the trip back from the town that lays after miles from the prison the car used decided it preferred to lay quietly in the middle of the road, shortly after the sickly sputters from the engine you heard Daryl mutter a few curse words. You were unable to hold in your amusement, despite the fact that a lack of transport obviously leaves you in a vulnerable position, it felt like it was your luck for that to happen to you.

It’s why you stay behind following the hunter in silence.

Studying him with focused eyes you can’t help but wonder how he never realises when you’re unable to tear your gaze away from him. In the beginning when you began to develop a certain affection for him you had been glad, for it to be too embarrassing for the thoughts you had about him in your head. In spite of this, when you realised that it was much more than a crush did you wish for him to mind read, because you have no idea just how to approach him about such a sensitive topic and while he can be tender about feelings, it’s also his downfall.

“ it’ll be gettin’ dark soon, there should be some houses down there to spend the night in. “

You stop in your tracks with a curious look that bled so suddenly into your features you had no time to stop it.

“ you don’t want to carry on? I mean, we’re not far from home? “ you question him with a hint of fear coddling your words.

“ we’d be trippin’ over our feet. Let’s back it back in one piece, yeh? “

Nodding, you regain your pace. It’s been a few months since you’d been hopping from one house to the other during that harsh winter, the bare thought of having to stay in yet another frail structure sent a chilly hand drawing its claws deeply up your spine. If you never had your group, you don’t think you would have made a winter like that, barely protected from the elements and the walkers that wished to plunge their teeth cavernously into your flesh.

“ as long as we leave as soon as the sun comes up. Please. “ you plead, your words filter off into a gentle volume from your position.

Leaves crumble and buckle underneath the weight, the sound of crickets dominate your surroundings as the two of you walk in silence. You itch to start a conversation, but the fear of distracting the man and annoying withhold the words that wish to fall from your lips, even then you don’t know how to begin. What would you say? There’s not much to talk about in a world where the dead have risen, where they wish to drag the world into decomposition.

Your wandering mind is pulled from its very own depths from a noise coming from Daryl, he’d turned to catch your attention. You both set to work attempting to enter any of the abandoned houses, hoping one had been left unlocked at some point.

Of course, luck is scarce. Despite there not being a soul who occupies them, they’re still somehow locked. Mournfully, you wonder if the owners of these homes had thought the governments and armies would eventually lock everything under their control, to the point that there would be a house for them to come back to? Your heart thuds painfully in your chest to think about what happened to them, and if they’re even still surviving.

A large thud draws you back to the present, the wooden door splinters at the force Daryl puts into a large kick to its frame.

“ well, there goes the lock. “ you mutter humourously, lifting the heavy bag higher up onto your shoulders as you walk in the open door.

“ we’ll put the couch there, stop any unfriendly types that come our way. “

“ I don’t know if there’s anyone left anymore. “ you reply, dropping the bag to the floor and moving towards the couch.

Situated on the other side of it, you grip the plush handle and lift with a struggle. It’s a strain to get it through the doorway to  turn it around the corner, but eventually it happens. Daryl is joined by your presence by his side, you both push ⏤ this time it’s an easier feat with two of you on one side to dedicate your strength and weight to advance it.

As soon as you finish, a heavy crackle cuts through the air.

“ we got here just in time, huh? “

“ just about. “ he answers you, sparing a glance before moving through the lower floor ⏤ searching for anything that can be taken back to the prison.

Thunderstorms had never been your favourite thing growing up. Of course, rain was something that calmed you from the anxieties life brought, but the thunder and lightning is what you loathed. Never knowing when you were about to receive a fright from the loud rumbles and flashing lights ruined the whole experience for you.

The rustling Daryl makes is the only thing that brings you comfort in this moment, keeping you grounded and away from your thoughts. It doesn’t escape your notice that these houses feel no more than graveyards with the memories that have no use to live, instead haunting the structures with what could have been had chaos and death not taken over. You climb the stairs, hugging your sides as you refuse to touch the handrail leading up stairs.

There is a middle room with access granted without having to push open the door to gain entry. Your eyes scan the room’s interior, even with the dust and grime that bespeckle its surfaces, you can still see its beauty. Now, who does that remind you of? Your mind cheekly thinks before you banish it into the shadows of your brain, where you know it will force itself out with an immense stubbornness.

Despite the thunder booming in the distance frequently, you can’t help but admire the beauty of rain drops falling to the ground with a dainty grace only it holds. The sky continues to grow dimmer, only seeing the rain on your level and lower, no street lights flood the street to aid you in being able to see torrent from above. Jumping at another roar of sound from the storm, your heart begins to pick up its pace, so much you don’t realise Daryl joining you in the room.

“ scared? “

Turning around with such speed that leaves you surprised whiplash did not greet you, Daryl is left smirking at your reaction.

“ yeah, I hate these things. “ you respond, a bitterness coating each word heavily as you speak.

“ more than walkers? “ he questions you, as he shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

“ well, I suppose not that much .. “ another clap of thunder interrupts you, the rain beating harder and harder on the windows of the bedroom. “ can we talk about anything? This shit really grates on my nerves. “

“ what y’wanna talk about? “

Your mind stalls, with the previous thoughts that had been swirling in a state of disorder your draw a blank. A continuous thump downstairs interrupts your shrug, speeding down the stairs you realise a few walkers are trying to enter the property, of course their lack of intelligence fails to realise they’re throwing themselves into the walls and not the blocked doors.

“ shall we take them out? “ moving closer to the lengthy curtained window next to the door to get a better look, you can see three walkers hauling themselves mindlessly against the structure.

“ nah, the storm’ll get ‘em soon enough. “ he shakes his head softly, your mind taking note of the lack of proximity between your bodies as he repeats your action. “ no need to risk ourselves. “

“ wouldn’t be the first time you’ve risked your life. “

“ s’nothin. “ he contradicts gruffly, wiping a finger across his nose at your words. He truly doesn’t view it as that, refusing to think of it as risking his life. To Daryl, it doesn’t feel like risking everything to help the people around him, it’s not something he can find the words to explain but all he knows if there’s a chance, he would do it again and again.

“ Daryl Dixon, so humble. “ you speak warmly with a gentle smile threading itself into your features. “ you need to give yourself more credit. “

“ stop. “

“ you’re as brave as anyone in the group. I’d say braver than Rick. “ you joke, setting yourself from the entryway to the sitting room. “ although, if I had to choose you and Carol .. I’m sorry, but Carol every time! “

“ damn woman frightens me. “

Laughter light in weight dances airily between you with an elegance in its movement. For even a fraction of a second you forget that there are walkers that are itching to break through into the property, that there’s an angry storm that threatens to demolish whatever stands in its path, because right now it’s only you both here and now in this one room.

“ she’s come a long way. “ you agree, pulling a lone chocolate bar from your bag. Your favourite and you’re thanking the universe that it hasn’t spoiled yet. Turns out all these preservatives and chemicals have some use after all you note to yourself as half is offered to the man standing across from you.

“ so have ‘yuh. “ he acknowledges, taking the broken half of the candy from you.

“ I think we all have to be honest. I don’t think any one of us are the people we used to be. “

“ now who’s humble? “ Daryl asks, his tone light in relaxed merriment. He’d long since taken note of the transformation you’d gone through, he’s never seen you so strong as a person before.

“ don’t you turn this round on me, Dixon. “

The two of you fall silent, you direct your gaze to the window and the raindrops that litter the window pane’s surface. The harsh noises thundered no more, leaving a calm pitter of precipitation to fall with no interruption. From your position on the second couch, you wrap around a thin decorational blanket around your arms, leaning your cheek against the palm of your hand.

Pretending the world hasn’t gone to hell, that it’s just a normal evening where you’re admiring the scene before you. Skies that weep heavily is what the Georgian greenery has been calling out for, especially since the warmer temperatures have returned in full force. Switching your line of sight to Daryl, you feel a mellowness in the pit of your stomach as you watch him fondly. You can’t be sure if it’s the lack of distractions or eyes from your group, but you feel a miniscule spark of confidence within your confines.

“ come sit down, you can relax for a bit. “ you call, trying to convince him lightly. Your hand moves to pat the seat next to you.

“ can’t relax in this world. “ despite the disagreement in his words he does move towards your position on the plush seat.

“ it doesn’t mean we can’t make it. Otherwise we’d be burnt out, I’d hate to see that happen to you. “ You divulge as you reply to him, little inklings of hope in your tone.

“ y’don’t gotta worry ‘bout me. “

“ but I do, Daryl. “ you groan as a dull glumness contorts your features into something new. “ I mean, the lengths you go to .. you scare me to death. “

“ don’t be dumb. “ Daryl warns lowly as he shakes his head, few have shared their vulnerability with him. Perhaps only Carol, his mind can’t wrap itself around the fact that people genuinely care for him. Growing up, he’d been taught of it as a weakness. Something that should not exist, no one cared when he went missing for a short while as a child, and now having people who show him the opposite? It leaves a strange feeling to settle within his heart.

“ please, I need to tell you. I mean, I might not even be here tomorrow. “

“ nah, don’t say that. Y’will. “ he argues, he doesn’t even want to entertain the notion of not seeing you even for a day ⏤ let alone forever.

Truthfully, you’d not been particularly close. He understands it now, he pushed everyone away wherever he had the chance to. But after the downfall of the farm? You wouldn’t let up in trying to forge bonds that could rival even the strongest of metals. You had no idea, but he’d overheard you talking to Beth one day. When you said you didn’t want to be afraid of living, to have something worth dying for. That struck him deep.

“ neither you or I can guarantee that. Now, call me selfish but I can’t die with what ifs in my brain. “ you explain, you know it’s probably selfish to announce any kind of fondness for a person nowadays, because you can be ripped from their existence without any kind of announcement. But if you were to depart from the realm of the living, you’d want to have affectionate memories to experience and for them to look back on.

“ what y’sayin? “

Your eyes well up in frustration, whether it’s over the way you find the words are hiding beneath your tongue like cowards under the cloak of night or over the fact that you have begun this topic of conversation, backing yourself into a corner. There’s so much you want to say but how you should is not coming easy. Eloquence in your words is something you find yourself yearning for with all of your being should it bring you a happy ending to this discussion.

This isn’t a fairytale, there’s no happy or bad endings in real life you sorely think. There’s just reality, and the conclusions for that are neither black or white.

Fingertips grip the roots of your hair for a fleeting moment before letting go as if you’d never clutched them in exasperation at all.

Shutting your eyes so hard they hurt, you muster up the courage to speak the truth you’ve locked away in your heart, allowing it the light it has been deprived of for so long.

“ Daryl, I ⏤ “ your voice shuts off with a painful sound, sighing as if to psych yourself up. “ I feel more for you than I probably should. “

When Daryl says nothing, you open your eyes. Your entire being preparing yourself for the worse answer, this moment may hurt now but the pain will lessen. At least your soul feels lighter with the hidden information no longer chained to it as a burden, no longer will it have to be weighed down by its mass.  

“ I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but I couldn’t keep it in any longer. “

“ who said I didn’t wanna hear? “

“ ⏤ what ? “ you question, your brows falling lower as you squint in disbelief. You wonder if your brain is forming a false memory to protect itself later on.

“ y’don’t nothin’ to do with me though. “ he hesitates, the automatic response to push away anything good that comes his way to the furthest reaches. “ nothin’ but trouble. “

A sorrowful smile full of grief clouds your features, your unshed tears threaten to fall. If only he could see himself from your point of view, he doesn’t see just how admirable of a human being he is. Yes, he has his flaws but who doesn’t? In all of humanity, you don’t think there has ever been a perfect person, but it’s how they approach their downsides that shows the peak of their humanity, that they don’t let the darkness fester in their heart, to poison their soul into becoming a shell of a kind hearted person. That shows the strength of their character.

Daryl? You feel honoured to have been a first hand witness to see him turn from a hot ball of anger to a softer, kinder soul.

“ Daryl, you really don’t see what I do.” you forsake everything, leaning forwards and laying your hands across his. Taking in the immense warmth from them. “ That? It hurts me, because you’re rather amazing. “

Saying nothing, Daryl looks down at your intertwined hands. He wants the chance that’s being offered, though the fear of being the one who poisons everything he lays his touch upon settles heavily on his shoulder. No one has come out unscarred when dealing with a member of the Dixon family, his family tree being nothing more than toxic, with weeds that wrap around the limbs of the poor fool who got involved with them, as they drag them to their lowly depths. He doesn’t know how to let go of the past and for this he continues to pay, with the high price being his happiness in the present world. No response leaves his lips, for the first time in a long time he doesn’t know what to say, while knowing what he wants to say. It’s not until he feels arms wrapped around the top of his shoulders is he brought back down to Earth, a shudder of a breath is released from him as he realises what is going on. The action is reciprocated in earnest, you’re full of gratitude that he’s accepting your comfort ⏤ knowing it could have been a gamble of a decision, a fifty fifty chance of him reacting negatively or positively. You, too, draw comfort from the position you both find yourself, clutching the other. Hope dawns on your heart, knowing Daryl is not a particularly affectionate man. This means a lot, for it’s a leap for you both.

“ thank you. “ he whispers in the night. You know that this is the start of something new.

[rosesloveletters]

As we approach the anniversary of Heath Ledger’s passing, I would like to use my platform to discuss a few things I find increasingly important that we, as fans, keep in mind: Do NOT mock his death. Do NOT harass his family, friends, etc. (don’t ever do this, but especially not this week or the day of.) Do NOT use his death to signify your online presence. Those of us who appreciate this hard-working, loving, giving soul deserve the freedom of expression granted to us, given that we remain within the bounds of positivity, consideration for others and for Heath Ledger himself. 

(image: Heath photographed for The West Australian on June 9th, 2001.)

I implore you to treat everyone with respect and to honor Heath in a way in which you would honor a loved one; be kind, courteous, respectful and tactful whenever you are discussing his passing and remain conscious of others and their feelings regarding this subject. It is a subject of sensitivity for many and I ask that you consider how others might feel when approached with the topic. Do NOT pass around photos of him that the paparazzi took on that fateful day. This is a blatant disregard for Heath and his privacy; He was unable to consent to having those photos taken, for obvious reasons, and I am certain that he would not have consented, given his distaste for the paparazzi and having felt as though his life was ‘on display’. 

Remember to treat him and others with respect. It is the bare minimum of common courtesy when dealing with such a raw topic; Heath would be honored by how most choose to remember him and I think that he would be humbled by the legacy he’s left behind.

On another, more important note, we must to remember a few things regarding the late Heath Ledger: 

He did not die because of his role as The Joker in ‘The Dark Knight’. 

He did NOT die of a suicide. 

Heath was struggling with insomnia, illness, his break-up with Michelle and (presumably) depression (though I don’t believe that was ever officially confirmed) at the time of his passing and we must remember how sensitive a subject this is, for his family, loved ones, friends and fans alike. 

For more factual information on his passing, I recommend visiting these links provided: 

Friends and Family Remember His Final Weeks 

Some important quotes from this article to take into consideration: 

“Gerry Grennell, Ledger’s friend and dialect coach who lived and worked with the star while he was shooting The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus in the final weeks of his life, spoke with PEOPLE in 2017 for a cover story on Ledger, nine years after the actor’s death. He recalled his friend being “exhausted, emotionally and physically” while battling a lingering pneumonia-type illness.”

“Grennell said the star’s mood was low. “He missed his girl, he missed his family, he missed his little girl — he desperately wanted to see her and hold her and play with her,” he added, referring to Ledger’s former girlfriend Michelle Williams and their then-2-year-old daughter, Matilda. “He was desperately unhappy, desperately sad.””

But in his final weeks, Grennell said Ledger knew he was spiraling. Still, he couldn’t stop himself from taking the pills. “He said, ‘I got to stop, it’s not helping, I’m not well, it’s making me feel more upset,’” Grennell continued. “It wasn’t helping with the relationship issues, it wasn’t helping with missing his kid, it wasn’t helping his sleeping — and he knew that.”

“Being such a social guy, having to be a bit of a hermit, or wear hats and glasses was super annoying,” he added, describing the lengths to which Ledger went to avoid the paparazzi. “His happiest I remember was times like when we were in Bondi on the beach catching waves, and nobody really looking his way, and when he moved to Brooklyn and could walk around with nobody bothering him.”

Heath Ledger’s Father Kim Speaks of Son’s Death - Trigger Warning: Kim Ledger mentions seeing EMS removing Heath’s body from his home in new York. This video and its message is EXTREMELY important; if you choose to view no other material listed here, please watch this short interview. 

Statements Made by Heath Ledger’s Sisters

Heath Ledger’s Sisters Clear Up Rumors About His Death In New Documentary

Some important quotes from this article to take into consideration: 

Though the doc doesn't elaborate on the "demons" that plagued Ledger's final days, it does change the narrative about his mental state at that time. According to the actor's family, Ledger's role in The Dark Knight didn't depress him, as so many tabloids had reported. It energized him."It was coming out that he was depressed and it was taking a toll, and we were going, 'What?'" Bell said. "It was the absolute opposite," Kate Ledger added. "He had an amazing sense of humor, and I guess only his close family and friends really knew that. But he was having fun. He wasn’t depressed about The Joker."

That's about as far as the film delves into Ledger's death. Instead, I Am Heath Ledger chooses to focus on his life. It may not be a complete picture of the actor, but after nearly a decade of rampant rumors and tabloid gossip, it's nice to see Heath through his own lens.

Speculation into Heath’s passing has been vast, leaving much to the media to exaggerate and perpetuate; there is very little evidence or proof that lends to the fact that Heath was an ‘addict’ as has been portrayed, however this statement can be found on his Wikipedia page: 

“Ledger was "widely reported to have struggled with substance abuse.” Following Ledger's death, Entertainment Tonight aired video footage from 2006 in which Ledger stated that he "'used to smoke five joints a day for 20 years” and news outlets reported that his drug abuse had prompted Williams to request that he move out of their apartment in Brooklyn. Ledger's publicist asserted that some reportage regarding Ledger and drugs had been inaccurate.”

When discussing his death, please keep in mind that a large portion about his personal life has been over-exaggerated and therefore, research is key.

Heath’s private life is not something we should pry into and we should be respectful of the fact that we simply do not have the information to conclusively determine certain theories. It is among human nature to ask questions and want answers, but it is our responsibility to know what is appropriate and how we should go about researching such a topic. 

Do not pry into Heath’s private life; be mindful of the information you choose to share and treat him as you would treat any other person. Just because he is a “celebrity” does NOT mean that every detail of his life should be public access. Treat him how you would want to be treated; you are not entitled to his private life, nor is anyone other than those he was closest to. 

We have countless interviews and testimonies to his character from family and friends, those of which prove to be the most accurate. 

Check out this video: Famous People Talking About Heath Ledger to hear some of these positive testaments to his character.

Drug abuse is a very serious matter; I do not condone Heath’s decision to abuse prescription drugs, nor should any fan; his death provides a testament to the dangers of prescription pills and we should remember to be mindful of their effect. Prescription drug abuse is a serious matter and we should not overlook the seriousness of it.

If you or someone you know is suffering from Opioid drug abuse, visit the link provided for the CDC’s help and resources

Please remain respectful while researching his passing and use discretion. Information perpetuated by the media has proved time and time again to be harmful to those in the limelight and Heath was a victim of that as well. Respect the fact that we do not know of his private life and accept that we do not have the right to know. There is a large amount of information present, providing speculation into this subject and I advise you to research with caution, as some of it is damaging to Heath’s character. 

Most importantly, use this time to remember Heath for the incredibly gifted and talented soul that he was. As fans, it is important not only to understand his passing, but to keep his legacy alive through the ways in which we choose to honor and remember him. 

Heath Ledger’s death was a tragedy. His family and friends still grieve his passing and his daughter, Matilda, is without a father due to his premature death. Please be respectful and courteous of this and honor Heath in a way in which he would be proud of. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy post. With much controversy surrounding Ledger’s death, I felt it necessary to speak out on a couple of things, especially with the anniversary of his death coming up. Please feel free to add onto this post any way you would like, especially if you find more information that is factual and important to share within the community.

 I will reiterate: BE RESPECTFUL. BE COURTEOUS. BE KIND. Do NOT harass his family and friends. Do NOT mock his death. Do NOT share offensive/upsetting images or media that is damaging to his character, now or ever. Respect others who choose to use this time simply to remember this wonderful man for all that he was and do not discuss his passing with anyone who might be triggered by the mentioning of it. 

This community is a loving, caring and amazing place where we choose to remember Heath in our own ways and keep his memory alive through the creations and art we all share. Build each other up and listen to one another; treat each other as if you are looking at Heath directly and show the world the same kindness he showed while he was among us. 

Thank you. 

[witchyintention]

Deities: What Are They, How to Work With Them & How to Find Them.

As a beginner witch deities are exciting and most want to jump into it right away. As someone who works with 7 let me tell you it is draining. Most people will simply tell you a big fat NO! At the mention of deities and not really tell you why it's a no for beginners. For one it takes a lot out of you. For two deities are a big step in your practice and you must work on the fundamentals before you even think of working with them. If you don't work on your grounding, shadow work, mediation and basic knowledge of witchcraft things can spiral out of control. This can get very dangerous very quickly. Deities are gods (or simply higher beings. I refer them to gods often so just keep this as a note) after all and someone weak trying to handle something powerful is disastrous. 

Think of tv, video games or movies. When someone who doesn't know what they are doing trying to summon something they have no business summoning it turns into a horror shit show. 

This is kinda how you should think of deities. However you are more than capable of worshipping them just like any other religion. Pray and leave offerings. You can even ask for guidance from them and that's perfectly fine. But do reframe from actually using them in your spell work.

Let me tell you about the difference. I have yet to go into spell work but you always cast a circle. So working with would be talking with a guide during any point of a spell. Your circle is a sacred space that's intended for your energy. By inventing other beings into the circle you are allowing them access to your energies.

When seeking help you pray and ask for a sign. Remember to keep this way from any sort of spellwork, you do not want just anyone to have access to your energies. 

Any time that you invite them into your circle, they are able to use your energy and feed off it. Now inviting them can be as simple as saying their name. From that point you are working with them. Because once they can work with your energy they can effect your spellwork. If it's an entity, that can then cause potential harm. By allowing them in your circle you're opening up the chance of that happening. Spells could go wrong or you could end up in the hospital. There are many stories of novice witches opening their circle to these entities because they don't know any better. Many ended up in the hospital and even dead.

I have said witchcraft, as fun and exciting as it is, can be very dangerous. I do not tell you the things I do to scare you but to educate you. You need to know exactly what you're going into. And that is the purpose of this series.

Though I have been saying deities this also includes spirit guides such as the Fae, Angels Ancestors and everything in between. When you do get to this point in your practice you can in fact have a mix of all of them. I primarily work with the greek pantheon however I have called upon others to aid me in the message they were trying to give. For example I do not work with Apollo however a friend of mine had been seeing signs of him along with the name being whispered in the back of their mind. 

(I'll take any chance to include anime. 😅)

This friend came to me to see if it was realy Apollo or something else that was pretending to be the god. This also frequently happens with beginner witches. They are more prone to believing something that isn't a god when told it is. This friend knew that and consulted me about it. As a result I found out it was Apollo and had him aid me in the message he wished to tell this friend through tarot. 

This was an example of me working with a god who I do not usually work with. However it is very much okay and actually encouraged to do some reading into Spirit  guides such as deities, Angel's and so on. Read about their lore and things associated with them. This will help you later or even now if you have been seeing signs from them. 

However if you anything like me you'll fall far down the rabbit hole of deities. I have been studying on greek and roman mythology since the 4th or 5th grade. Later when I moved halfway through 5th grade I was thrown into a group where we would choose a topic and do research on it. The theme we chose was greek mythology. The god I chose was Hades. I had always felt Hades had a bad reputation. With that I had this crazy goal to try and explain to everyone in my class he wasn't a bad guy. That he was just a guy who loves his wife and dog. 

Here I am nearly ten years later working with him. Did it take me a while? Yes. Will it take you this long? Maybe not. For me most of the years I have spent being a witch was studying rather than actual spellwork. You learn by doing, sure but when you already know the knowledge, putting it into action is much easier. Not to mention not all of us could do actually spell work due to this and that. Whatever reason you might be in the broom closet for.

Now once you have done your research keep an eye out for potential signs. It's best to look into all the gods. I had a witch who had thought she was dealing with Hades when it actually turned out to be Anubis. They both similar for what they rule over so getting them confused as a beginner is understandable. Especially when you only do research on one type of lore like greek. It's best to explore all the lore of all the different types. You have Egyptian, Greek/Roman, Norse, Celtic, Japanese, Angels, Fae and so many more. Do you have to read up about all of them? No but you probably should.

But let's be real here. Not everyone is going to. So pick maybe five that stand out to you then most and go fall down the rabbit hole of spirit guides. Also do keep in mind that if you see signs of one they could simply have a message for you rather than being a potential deity to work with. Like I had explained earlier with Apollo. He had a message for my friend and it was nothing more than that. Spirit guides of any sort can come and go as they please. Some might only come because you need them then in that moment.

What I have noticed is most don't have more than three spirit guides. I'm sure there are many who have more but from what I have seen in finding them for people they have had three or less. I find the hardest ones to figure who exactly they are, there the ancestors. I've had a few witches ask me to help find their guides and it was an ancestor who dated back 500 years ago. At that point I have absolutely no idea how to tell you exactly who this person was. Especially since not everyone in the world was written in a history book for doing something worthy of being written in books.

Also not many can actually trace their family tree that far back anyways. I sure as hell can't. 

Now you're probably asking when is the right time to actually start working with them? Well it differs from person to person. You can ask a more established witch like myself. Other times you just know. But I wouldn't trust that "I just know feeling" until you have strong intuition skills. I have many of my Protégés and regulars asking if they are ready all the time. How do I know? Easy divination. I have a strong bond with my deities so they always tell me the truth even when it might hurt me. Sometimes I have to tell them that when I notice a hesitation in their answering.

And truthful you will know when you know. Meeting mine just happened out of the blue. I was doing tarot readings during a live broadcast when I was suddenly hit with fatigue. I had the sudden urge to ask my pendulum if my spirit guides were present. I had a hunch of who they might have been and went through the list. If they said yes I then gave a true or false question about said deities lore. Let me tell you meeting all seven of them was exhausting. That night I did 8 readings with 8 different gods. One wasn't even my spirit guide or Patron God. Zeus just felt like hanging out.

And though I say you will just know when the time is right many will still just take that leap even when they are not ready. When it comes to deities you need to be cautious and actually ready for it. Don't just jump in because it sounds fun and you want them now. If you are uncertain about things in regards to them simply ask for help. I have built a community for exactly that.

Everyone needs help from time to time, even me. Do not be scared to ask for help because it's better you ask then things going wrong. I am always open for you to ask questions about the craft. I am always willing to help. If I do not know the answer I will however find it for you and the information will be trustworthy unlike the internet most of the time.

Witchcraft is exciting. I know. Yes it's a lot of fun. But please, you know yourself better than you think. Do your shadow work, meditate, learn your history and if you need help seek it out. 

That's all I have for today so until next time stay witchy! Blessed Be.

✩ Don't Steal Other Peoples Work ✩

Written:

June 28, 2020

By:

Reine Alicis

[stematspace-ab]

Are you fairly introvert? Then please read along...

Human beings have different personality infrastructure when it comes to social engineering. Some people, from their very early age utterly enjoy being surrounded by shades of faces. They are quite good at meeting strangers too, and can permeate hours together without any fatigue. Friends' meets are very rejoicing for them.

Whereas there exists this other bunch of people who do not comfortably enjoy being surrounded by heads at all. Not that they hate it or afraid of being judged, bullied or encounter any violence. They simply like to sit with themselves only and feel very much own selves. Often they are overwhelmed after a trip back to home from a friends gathering. And it can be a very bumpy tiring tenure for them to sit with people and endure a pain of inability or unwillingness to mix with people and ride through process of talking. It is a taxing journey, as research demands. Because when someone can't express oneself, it amplifies the self-talking to a greater degree. A crowded head, loud mind, and trafficked soul make it uncomfortable to exist in the middle of lot of faces. They just do not want it. They need a calmer mind to exist in their minimum potential which is a peaceful state of mind.

I pretty much fall under the second category. I am a fairly introvert person. I heard sentences from parents, some of which I can feebly remember too. My mother to me, "We do not even realise that you are present in the house. You are so silent."

I agree, I do not talk much, except with my very very selective close circle. I generally avoid the talking. Now with parents it will be like, most part of the conversation containing common question answer session. And rest are like, "tell me what's happening", an essay type communication. Both are just very regular and do not bother me. Oh I should ensure, that I do not ignore them or whatever, I go through this process of communicating with elders. Just as a regular job. So this does not demand much of my emotional investment.

On the contrary, when it comes to whoever existing outside this realm is a real botheration for me. I squeeze. I retract. I fall down.

I feel so complete with myself only, that talking with people feels pretty extra and I find myself a great mismatch while diffused with new people. Sometimes the topic are nagging, or there is a long distance to connect. Feels like I am stranded behind a glass access and visualise them murmuring with loads of expression, laugh, whispering and billions of other shades and emojis. They become characters for me than a real existence. I coexist to a different world at the same time. This is pretty me. Bruhh!! It's a real infinite desert expediting between them and me.

Crashing deeper into myself, I took a gander at an average positive person until life throws some in-swing yorker at me. So I developed a mapping, an emotional route to borrow this intrinsic element of mine. I became more creative, entangled layers of spiritual activities, worked on feminine and masculine persona, power dynamics etc.

Books are my darlings, as they always helped exchanging my myth and reality, to significantly grow my psychological embodiment. I am a very loud soul within with lesser imposter syndrome in last ten to eleven years.

Being not able to collaborate and annihilate with social powers, I am always a person would sit at the corner of the room and enjoy being an observer. Now that I am trying to convey this process to the world out there through scribbling, I request not to imprint this to as a super heavy experience for a community like us. This should be understood that we are not in pain, it is no any extra baggage. It is just a being, a state of happy, solitary existence.

Unfolding oneself is an important lesson of life to learn anything new, better, complicated and evolutionary. This would tug one towards an improved version.

My mental layers are gravitating towards the nucleus of whole mind-body. I feel terrible and helpless seeing people around me under pressure to communicate with people, majorly judged by family or real close well wishers. No one should change their atomic identity. It's an identity. Changing their behavioural identity will end up in a vague crisis of never identifying themselves. They cannot work on themselves, evolve, migrate from one pattern to another. They simply try to become someone else their whole life and ditch their existence, be unloyal to themselves. Intrinsic nature is like a finger print. It should be used to produce the best mark on this universe.

[doorbloggr]

Friday 11/6/21 - Media (maybe) Recommendations #6

Contents this week:

Anime: Goblin Slayer

Anime: Keijo!!!!!!!!

It's Friday and I didn't post much this past week. Time is a blur, and I haven't had a chance to watch any new anime for a couple weeks now. Sometimes it's hard to get into a new series, may it be finding the time, or finding something that you'd like. With this train of thought in mind, for this week's Friday Media Recommendations, I'm gonna discuss 2 anime that I enjoyed, but are hard to recommend.

I am prefacing these recommendations with the notion that these two series are EXPLICITY not for everyone.

Anime: Goblin Slayer

The High Fantasy genre of fiction has wide appeal in every medium. For anime fans specifically, High Fantasy is a category welcome to fans of all types. There is Slice of Life Fantasy, Romance Fantasy, Shonen Fantasy etc. But while I would usually recommend every Fantasy Anime I've watched, Goblin Slayer is not for everyone.

Here's my pitch. Goblin Slayer is set in a high fantasy world with a very simple magic system and a clear schism between "player races" and "enemy races". The world operates very similarly to how a Dungeons and Dragon Anime would work, and during the opening, it even hints that all members of the main cast have their fates decided by the roll of a dice. The titular main character has a dark backstory that has meant he has sworn to dedicating himself to specifically hunting Goblins.

Many adventurers look down on the Goblin Slayer for being an expert at such a low rank enemy, others recognise his talents, but think they are wasted on only hunting Goblins. In a light hearted fantasy story, the Goblin Slayer would be a quirky fun character, but this anime is deep and very dark.

It's hard to explain how without spoilers... Characters die in this anime. Characters we get to know first, and then we see them ripped to shreds, imprisoned, abused, and if they are saved, they are never the same again. Goblin Slayer does not shy away from depicting the most gruesome, heinous acts happening in real time to fleshed-out, named characters, in very vivid detail. If this anime was actually a D&D game, then the DM is actually trying to break his players, and punishes every wrong decision with a potential party wipe. And this cruel DM tells them the second by second details of how their characters are tortured to death.

Now this anime has its light hearted moments. It has its wholesome moments where characters smile and care for each other. There's even hints of fanservice here and there. It is a High Fantasy like any other, where the adventurers go on quests, protect the towns, and recieve gold and level up. But it's also potentially traumatising.

I enjoyed Goblin Slayer. It is a fun fantasy series where the characters are interesting and the world is engaging. And in an earlier blogpost, I said watching the first four episodes will help make your mind up.

With Goblin Slayer, this is not the case. Episode 1 is the most gruesome and heart wrenching episode in the series. So if you are squeamish at all and cannot handle detailed violence, do not watch Goblin Slayer, do not watch even the first episode. But if you watch Episode 1, are a bit shaken up, but keen to see where it goes, the series only gets better from there.

Anime: Keijo!!!!!!!!

I am a relatively cultured nerd, I like depth and substance in my media, but I am also a bisexual, single young man who has never been in a relationship, so I appreciate senseless fanservice.

Fanservice is a very divisive topic within anime fans. Blatant lewd themes can be very out of place in some series and may ruin an otherwise serious mood. Many anime enjoyers may think that explicit fanservice in general has no place is an otherwise diverse, accessible genre of media. What if the genre devolves toward no story or meaning, with series of just boobs and butts? Well I have bad news for you.

Keijo!!!!!!!! (yes the official title does have 8 exclamation marks) is a sports/shonen anime about an academy of girls fighting in the competitive sport of butt-powered watersports. The series follows a group of girls who have specialised movesets that could set them to be champions in a sport where the rules are: use your butt (and only your butt) to knock your opponents off a floating platform into the surrounding swimming pool. Keijo is the ultimate brain-off degeneracy anime, where it does not even try to hide the fact that the series' selling point is the celebration of the female form in a swimsuit.

Like Food Wars, an otherwise simple concept is given depth by presenting each athlete's attacks as superpowers with shonen-style special effects and weight. Every fight has you on the edge of your seat as the girl's behinds become lethal weapons of (m)ass destruction. There is a set goal to the story, as Nozomi, the MC, has aspirations to take her academy to the top and become a world renowned sponsored superstar, the best of the best of hip whip combat.

I am not gonna excuse the series as having hidden depth beyond its fanservice, the fanservice is 100% the main attraction. And if you are not a fan of fanservice just for the sake of it, and I fully understand people who dont, then probably give Keijo a miss. But if you are willing to give a chance to a show about pretty girls weilding their butts as watersports weapons, Keijo is a very fun anime that is not afraid to celebrate boobs, thighs, tummys, and butts.

[k-s-morgan]

I have a question.

Is there a difference for you in terms of properly representing a selective group of people, whether that be race, ethnicity, identity and sexuality V.S. Survivors are of trauma, assault, psychological damage, mental illness and otherwise?

I know that you don’t mind people who romanticize dark events like rape, Stockholm syndrome or like incest (I’m not sure about that last one)Like do you not mind when people romanize rape or racism?

For me personally. I don’t mind people writing about dark elements of society. That is because it brings awareness to these serious issues in our society. I’m not so sure though about painting them in rose colored lenses or portraying it as something that is good. (Unless it usually from the victim’s warped perception)

I think a lot of things are interesting. Like your own stories. To me they don’t give out a message. Like yes this is an amazing relationship go do the same thing or this is something you should look for in a relationship/person! But some of the stories that are darker and portray like pedophilia and rape make it seem like ‘oh they really wanted it’ or ‘it’s okay, it’s not that bad’

I think those are dangerous messages to give out. Whether to children or adults. Because there is a thing like when you start off by put off by it, but the more you read things like that the more accustom to it and it becomes not as bad as a thing. Ya know.

That’s how like a lot of serial killers, rapists and other people start on the path to do those horrible things. It’s because they become accustomed to the message that it’s alright to do what they want.

Sorry for the long ask. But just wanted to ask your opinion on the matter because I see both sides of the argument and I want to find a middle ground. Ya know.

Hello! This will get a bit long, but I’d like to start with asking everyone: please don’t send me asks about the morality of fiction. While I can write essays on it, it’s not the topic that interests me and I don’t want to spend my time on it, no matter how genuine and respectful you are. I’m going to say everything I think about this subject in this reply, and that’s it.

Anon: I indeed don't mind romanization of such things as rape, age difference, incest, violence, and so on in fiction. These kinds of stories exist for adults only, and it's expected that adults can tell the right from wrong without having everything spelled out for them. In an ideal world, children shouldn't have access to fiction like this, but they are curious and easily bypass restrictions. In this case, the responsibility is on them and/or their parents. When I was about 11, I discovered the world of fanfiction. There were no tags then, and I readily clicked on "I'm 18" warnings to read the content I wanted. Some of it affected me badly - I still vividly remember the story where my favorite character was graphically raped, and it left me terrified and upset. With time, I learned how to recognize and filter such content, and it's especially easy now, when tagging has become commonplace.

There are indeed stories that portray very problematic things in a fluffy and positive way, though I'd say they are a minority. I read *a lot* of stuff and I probably saw just a few of them over my whole life. Even then, though, it is expected that adults read such content. And adults, along with most teenagers, won't decide that if one or even ten stories showed a fucked up relationship very positively, then it must be a good thing in real life. People are surrounded by parents, relatives, friends and their families, classmates, folks on the streets: this influence is far more profound than a story they might have read.  

Fiction can reflect the society, but it doesn't direct it. Every day, we see the normalization of smoking, drinking, toxic masculinity, heteronormativity, and racism in movies, TV shows, cartoons, etc. But they are there because the society is like this. These things existed long before fiction as we know it started developing. At the same time, murders aren't normalized in the society at all no matter how many action, thriller, and horror movies we all see. And murders are shown much more often than incest, minor/adults, and abuse portrayed in positive light. So if nothing happened with the former, nothing will definitely happen with the latter. 

Fiction can indeed have a small positive impact by normalizing things like equality. For example, it's natural for random female characters to kiss a male character. It's present even in 'Hannibal', where Chiyoh kisses Will and Bedelia kisses Hannibal out of blue, with nothing to really justify it. But it's almost unheard of male characters to do the same: if they do kiss other male characters randomly, it's usually within the "ewww, gross!" joking context. If things were to change, as they are slowly doing, if characters were allowed to interact equally regardless of their gender, then it could make an impact on the society. But fiction alone could never be responsible for it: same-sex marriages are being legalized. Punishments for homophobia start being enhanced. There are changes happening in the real world, and fiction is just a nice addition that helps solidify them.

There should be more diversity and more representation in fiction because it could aid in the positive practices that are already happening. But no matter how many stories feature romantization of violence, it's not and won't be accepted in the society because people have a general understanding of what is right and what is wrong.

There is also a big difference between fandom content and mainstream content. Someone's fanfic about romantic rape won't re-write the morals of a person. It's a work published for free and you can never guess what motivated the writer to create it. Mainstream fiction, on the other hand, is expected to show a little more care because millions are being poured into it and it has a far wider reach. POC and LGBTQ people already suffer from discrimination. If fiction further contributes to it, it's bad. If it chooses to contribute to the positive changes that take place, it's great. But everything still and always goes back to the real world.  

Finally, serial killers don't become killers because they saw a message about it being okay in fiction. They were already fucked up and considering it, and they just wanted to find a justification. What you see in real life has a far bigger influence than anything you experience in fiction, and the numbers don't change. It's been decades from the moment violence started being glamourized, and the majority of population don't think it's okay to beat someone up. 80% of women have rape fantasies, but most people don't think they actually want to be raped. The same principle applies to every type of fiction out there. People with unstable minds, people who cannot differentiate between the real and the made-up, people who are easily triggered by dark material should not be consuming fiction of this type. If they do, the fault for that doesn’t fall on the shoulders of the creator, just like it cannot fall on producer of peanut cookies if a person with peanut allergy decided to eat them. 

[master-sass-blast]

Gifted.

*tosses escapism fic into the void* yeet.

Summary: You and Piotr go Christmas shopping and enjoy the holiday season. 

That's it. That's all that's happening. You're welcome.

Pairing(s): Piotr Rasputin x Reader and mentioned Illyana Rasputin x Kitty Pryde.

Rating: G.

Word Count: 2k precisely.

Set after “It’s Truly Magical.”

A/N: On the off-chance someone asks or is worried, yes, there are no mentions of masks or social distancing in this fic. That's because, in this fic, there is no COVID (ergo, no need for masks and such). I'm just not dealing with it in my fanfic as well. I won't. You can't make me.

Wear your fucking masks irl pls and thank u.

Taglist:  @marvel-is-perfection, @chromecutie, @girl-obsessed-with-things, @super-darkcloudstudent, @dandyqueen, @leo-writer

“What a bright time, it's the right time/ To rock the night away/ Jingle bell time is a swell time/ To go glidin' in a one-horse sleigh…”

You inhale deeply, then smile. The smells of fresh pretzels and pine –the latter is likely a fake scent that the stores use, but it’s still good—tantalize your nose. You tuck your hat and gloves in your purse, then look over at your husband. “Where all are we going?”

“Ah…” Piotr scans his list –which has notes on which stores to check and what order the stores are laid out in the mall, so as to streamline things. “Kitty said she did not want gifts because she does not celebrate Christmas, so we are just shopping for… my family and Russell. You said you already bought gifts for your dad and Wade?”

“Yup,” you say with a grin. Nate’s easy to shop for –ammo, clothes, and the odd book or two are usually all he want—and for Wade you just find the weirdest stuff listed on Amazon. “And I already sent my uncle a gift from us, so we don’t have to worry about him.”

Piotr nods, ‘hmm-ing’ as he makes a note on his list. “Okay.” He mumbles in Russian under his breath, then says, “Mama had no list this year; I think we start with her first since figuring out gift will take longer.”

“That’s fine. Where should we start?”

“I think bookstore is best bet. From there, we can stop by Hot Topic and candle shop for snezhinka, then Game Stop for Mikhail.”

“Sounds good.” You link your arm through his and smile up at him. “Lead the way, babe.”

 ***

 You glance between the piles of books on the table, then at your husband, who looks like he’s about to pull his hair out. “Do you think that, just maybe, you’re overthinking this? Just a little?”

“This is important,” Piotr insists as he skims through books from various areas of Barnes and Noble –cooking, history, fiction; he’d grabbed at least one book from nearly every section. “She has specific tastes. Cannot be just any old book.”

You purse your lips together. You don’t doubt that Alexandra has particular tastes in reading material –as a woman from her walk in life is bound to have—but you’re also certain that she wouldn’t want her son driving himself insane just to pick a present for her. You sit down next to Piotr and gently put your hand on his arm. “Sweetheart. She’s going to like whatever you get her.”

“Not necessarily. I have seen her toss many books aside with scoff and never pick them up again.”

“Okay, why?”

He shrugs. “Realism. She thinks some authors are ‘too indulgent’ or ‘too unrealistic.’”

“Alright, so maybe we leave out the crime and romance stuff,” you suggest, setting the few books he’d grabbed from those areas aside. “What does she like to do?”

Piotr goes quiet. His expression grows ashen as he contemplates the question. “I… don’t know.”

“Does she like to cook? Or draw? Or watch certain types of shows or movies?”

“I don’t know,” he repeats, more insistent. “She…” He sighs. “She never sits still. I don’t think any shows or movies interest her. When I was child, she always worked. On farm, taking care of animals, helping workers, making food, balancing accounts, translating letters and schoolwork… I never saw her rest. Do something for herself.”

You let out a soft snort. “Maybe a book on meditation.”

Piotr rolls his eyes, grinning. “Perhaps not.”

“Who does she like to be around, then?”

“Otets.” Piotr smiles when the answer comes easily. “She and my father” –he holds up two crossed fingers—“are like this. Aside from siblings and me, I think he is only person she is really close to.”

“Alright, maybe a cookbook, then. That’d give them something to do together.”

Piotr nods, then starts looking through the cookbooks he’d picked. “Question is, which one?”

“Well, we know she likes to stay busy and keep moving. Maybe something that’d challenge their skills? Something they haven’t tried?” You hold up a book boasting ‘rich and authentic Middle Eastern recipes.’ “This could be good. I think they’d have access to most of the ingredients, here in New York.”

He nods again, then sets the aforementioned book aside before checking over the other ones. “I think…” He lifts a hardcover thriller novel off the table. “She likes mysteries. This one has good reviews… maybe…”

You gently take the book from his hands and set it atop the Middle Eastern cookbook. “I think it’s a great choice.”

He smiles, then kisses your cheek. “Spasibo, myshka.”

 ***

 “Bozhe moi.”

You giggle as the two of you step over the threshold of the Yankee Candle store, only for Piotr to recoil and take a step back. “You good there, baby?”

He presses his fingers against the sides of his nose. “Is like… assault of smells.”

“I know.” You inhale deeply, them flash him an impish smile. “Isn’t it great?” 

Piotr groans, still rubbing his sinuses. “Do you mind—”

“I’ll find a candle for Illyana. Wanna meet up in Gamestop?”

“Spasibo, dorogoy.”

You blow him a kiss, then head into the candle store. You take a couple minutes to peruse the holiday display at the front of the store –and grab a couple votives for you and Piotr to enjoy—before heading towards the back of the store, where all the shelves of their regular candles are. You pause to smell your favorites –seriously, the McIntosh apple one never fails to make your mouth water—before taking a step back to survey your options. Alright, what to get for a mildly angsty, queer Russian goth?

It’s not as straightforward as it sounds (har har). Illyana’s an enigma, much like her mother. She’s quiet, keeps to herself, and doesn’t usually bother with convention.

Do I go for aesthetic? You pick up a pitch black candle labeled “Midnight Forest” and give it a cursory sniff. Ugh, smells like ass. No, thank you.

You also have to consider that whatever you get is likely going to be smelled by Kitty, too. As much as Illyana marches to the beat of her own drum, she’s surprisingly conscientious of her bubbly, energetic girlfriend.

Maybe something natural? Like the farm? You try a few options, wrinkling your nose after each sniff. God, what is it with the fresh scents and smelling heinous? You debate texting Piotr and dragging him back in here, if only so you’re certain you’ll get something Illyana would like—

And then it hits you over the head like a brick.

She’s gonna use these for meditation. You head down the rows of shelves, grab a jar labeled “Vanilla,” and give it a smell. Perfect. Not too strong, not too bland. You grab a lavender scented tumbler (for relaxation), then snag a pink one that smells like the perfume Kitty favors on a hunch it’ll be a hit.

By the time you pay for yours and Illyana’s candles, Piotr’s already waiting outside the Gamestop for you, bag in hand.

He eyes your bulging bags, eyebrow raising in trepidation. “Why…”

“Look, it’s your fault for abandoning me,” you say before he can point out your lack of self-control. “You know I’m weak for candles.”

Piotr snorts, then sighs. “Fair enough.” He nods and makes approving noises when you show him the picks you made for Illyana, then shows you what he grabbed for Mikhail.

“‘Mister Mosquito?’” You nearly double over laughing. “What even is this?”

“He wanted ‘weird video game,’” Piotr says, shrugging one shoulder. “I figure this should do.”

“He’s gonna love it,” you reassure your husband. “That’s weird as shit.” You start strolling along the main hall of the mall –and then your stomach rumbles. “Can we get pretzels?”

“Da, myshka,” Piotr chuckles, “we can get pretzels.”

 ***

 “There'll be parties for hosting/ marshmallows for toasting/ and caroling out in the snow/ there'll be scary ghost stories/ and tales of the glories of/ Christmases long, long ago…”

“It’s the most! Wonderful time! Of the year!” you sing along as you rip another chunk off your pretzel. You smile to yourself as you admire the glittering, twinkling decorations decking the food court. “How’s your pretzel?”

“Very tasty.” Piotr dips a bite of his pretzel in some mustard, pops it in his mouth, then swallows before wiping his fingers on a napkin. “I think we only have handful of stops left.”

“Couple of sweaters for your dad… weird socks and-or scarves for Mikhail…” You lean over, reading off the list in his hand (which is written in a mixture of Russian and English). You take another bite of pretzel, then tap on a portion of blended “Russi-nglish” that you can’t decipher. “What’s that?” you ask once your mouth is clear.

“Random gift options,” he translates. “For filling out presents, stockings, that sort of thing.” He touches the tip of his index finger to the page, moving down the list in order. “Chocolate, books, gift cards. Guaranteed hits, essentially.”

“Ooh, I could go for some chocolate.”

Piotr snorts. “You just had pretzel. And this is for others, myshka.”

“If it’s in the car with me, I make no promises.”

He laughs, then makes an extra note on his list. “Safety chocolate… for myshka. Got it.”

 ***

 “Here, dorogoy.”

“Oh, thank you!” You smile as Piotr takes some of the excess bags from your hands, shifting them so he can carry them (which, with his strength and the size of his hands, is no problem at all). You amble along next to him, admiring the various pop-up stands boasting games, calendars, and Christmas-themed treats. “Is there anywhere else we need to stop?”

“I believe we have everything.”

“And I’m guessing we need to head home so we can make dinner?”

“That would be best, da.” Piotr looks down at you, expression curious. “Why? There is somewhere you wish to stop?”

“Eh, not really,” you say with a shrug. “I just like coming to the mall during this time of year. The decorations, the music, the extra stands and seasonal gifts… It just makes me happy.”

“Aah, khorosho. I understand. We can come back later for date, if you like. Take time to walk around and admire stores.”

You grin up at him. “I’d like that.”

The two of you make to head out of the mall, back to the parking lot—

And then Piotr veers towards the right.

“Where are we going?” you ask, giggling as he leads you towards the bookstore. “I thought we already got everything we needed from here?”

He winks at you. “Trip is not complete yet. Not with hot chocolate, anyway.”

You grin and let him guide you over to the café in the bookstore.

Piotr gets you situated at a table near the expanse of windows at the front of the shop. He leaves your bags with you, then leads up at the counter to order your drinks.

You smile, lovestruck as you gaze over at him. How did I get so lucky? You lean back in your seat, taking a moment to admire the snow falling outside before checking out the decorations throughout the store…

Which is when you realize that there’s mistletoe hanging over your table.

You chuckle to yourself. Perfect.

“You are in good mood,” Piotr comments as he returns with two cups of hot chocolate.

“Of course, I am,” you admit with a broad grin. “I’ve got you. And tradition’s on our side.”

Piotr’s smile turns quizzical. He cocks his head to the side, staring at you for a moment, then looks up when you point towards the ceiling. “Ah,” he chuckles, “yes. That is good reason to be happy.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” You hook your finger under the collar of his shirt and gently tug him towards you. “Come here, handsome.”

He lets out a soft, happy giggle and bends down to kiss you.

[borkthemork]

In Dreams - Steven’s Dream Analysis

The episodes have taken out my kneecaps, so it’s now time for another symbolism analysis post!

Of course, I’ve been waiting for a long time for an episode such as this so I’m gladly jumping it; however, what we should keep noting is how dream interpretation will always branch out when it comes to connotations. So when we discuss “In Dreams”, any interpretation could be plausible since the elements found in the reveries could be viewed in differing ways depending on the angle of perspective.

I’ll be jumping around a lot since this won’t be the casual essay type of thing with transitions, it’ll more so be different portions where I bring my own interpretations into the mix and feel free to add onto it!

Anyway, let us begin!

Dream One (The Beginning)

For dreams, we usually have an intention or metaphorical usage found in different ways actions or scenes are being portrayed. The first dream is able to encapsulate a great deal of what Steven wants: the ability to live his life without feeling like his purpose of being present could only be done in the circumstances of heroism.

You see this play out with how Steven arrives at his own home, a place of familiarity. What is being shown is the ideal situation, what Steven wants to attain in the conscious world; it even shows the feeling of comfort or homeliness in the characters found inside of the building too!

Most of the people found inside are perceived by Steven to be enjoying luxury or a path of success. Lars definitely emphasizes this if we go back to how Steven, no matter how composed he had to be for Lars’s departure, still has a harm time coping with the fact that Lars is out there with his own objectives and goals — something new to pursue without Steven in the picture.

This opportunity of entry disappears from him. In dream interpretation, this is actually seen as a lack of entry towards a goal or objective and how one sees their ability to get to it.

The cookie cat has a chock full of content when it comes tothe placement of where it is in the dream. For one, there’s always the consideration of size difference, which always perpetuated the emphasis towards control, stability, the amount of domination in the situation.

What we’re seeing here is cookie cat looming down on him, while he’s very small compared to it, a classic showing of lack of control, the inability to feel dominant in a situation.

Secondly, the cookie cat is a specific symbol because if we could connect this to Steven, this could be seen in a few ways: his childhood innocence or his past.

“Steven, no one needs your help. So why are you still here?”

Cookie cats were always some form of correlation to a younger time, a childhood where it wasn’t tainted by the responsibilities towards the Crystal Gem motto, and since it’s been told numerous times by people that cookie cat has a backstory that parallels Pink Diamond (seen in the lyrics of leaving his family behind and the visual division of cookie cat’s colors) it is akin to seeing the past come back to tell him that he’s not allowed, that he doesn’t deserve, the opportunity of being happy with his friends and family.

That the only way for him to be happy with them is to be useful, helpful, and seeing the cookie cat — being very domineering and controlling of this principle — remove him from any access to that opportunity goes to show what Steven is internally feeling at the moment.

And then there’s the falling.

Falling in dreams always came back to the feeling of control in one’s situation, and Steven doesn’t feel that way (no shit).

He’s been told by his childhood paradigm that he can’t be happy, that people won’t be with him now that he’s perceived worthless in their eyes, and having him fall into an endless abyss away from his source of happiness and opportunity shows that feeling of helplessness so well.

Dreams 2-5 (CPH Dreams)

Now, there’s a post that explains the second dream a lot more for the potential dream symbolism of the Diamonds appearing. I’ll link it in the reblogs just so we can get it out of the way.

However, there’s a lot of significance in a few key pieces of imagery being seen that point to the fact that the past is coming back, and repression won’t help him now that it’s slipping into the conscious.

For psychology, repression and suppression are always an interesting topic to discuss because there’s always discussion on the idea of how even if someone attempts to cope and push away the origins of one’s anxieties into the unconscious, there’s always a way for them to slip into the forefront. What we’re seeing here is that: Steven finding the sources of his pain (or events he never had full closure over) being brought up again into remembrance.

What I also find interesting is that even though the montage shows such a comedic viewpoint, there’s an underlined grizzly context to many of the other occurrences found throughout it. 

The use ofDogcopter (another piece from Steven’s childhood) as a form of visual symbolism of separation, especially when it’s integrated into the shape of his three main caretakers (who influenced his Atlas complex heavily), continues the underlying fear that Steven still believes that he will be alone — that overall his childhood is disappearing and his connections are assumed to follow suit in that matter.

The imagery of baby Steven brings up an interesting tidbit about Carl Jung’s view of children when it comes to adulthood and care, especially if it seeps out of one’s subconscious into the conscious mind.

In every adult there lurks a child — an eternal child, something that is always becoming, is never completed, and calls for unceasing care, attention, and education. That is the part of the personality which wants to develop and become whole. -Carl Jung (Vol X. No. 10)

In other words, there’s a potential for yearning for care that hasn’t been fully given ever since childhood or that there’s a wanting for development, for something that can fulfill one’s character to its full completion until we can go into the next cycle of our life.

We could also interpret symbols to the state of hopelessness, lack of control, etcetera, so there are many more ways to view this when it comes to Steven and his current storyline. However, for the sake of keeping it short, I’ll bring the sources to the reblogs.

Dream 6 (The End)

Prior to the beginning of dream six, the fear of Steven’s usefulness to Peridot becomes a major concern for him as the episode goes on. He doesn’t want to lose another friend or become distant to them, and sadly, it shows a lot with this last dream shown.

However, before we can do that, let’s talk about Connie.

Now, I could joke that this is dream symbolism for Steven wanting to be stepped on, but there are a few ways to interpret this fully.

For one, this is another example of size difference being used as a form of dichotomy between control and lack thereof. For the first interpretation, since Connie is imprinted into the face of Obsidian, we could see this as another concern in Steven’s mind: that Connie has a handle on her life and what she plans to do while Steven feels helpless to what he even plans to enjoy or partake in now that his main task of Crystal Gem recovery has now been completed.

One could also say that this is another form of anxiety wrapped in another source of concern when we remember that Steven and his family got stepped on in CYM before Sunstone could save them. That was another moment where he almost died so it wouldn’t be surprising to see the idea of it getting placed into his subconscious as well, even if it’s very unlikely for me to interpret it as such.

Now let’s go to Peridot.

Before the introduction of her dream self, use of childhood imagery comes back once again with Steven’s old bedroom. Waking up in it could be seen as one harboring thoughts or a mindset that still permeates in the past and the prior, something that still hangs in one’s thoughts even in adulthood.

For Peridot’s dream self, even though the static is from real Peridot’s attempts to disconnect Steven from the dream, this plays once again to the imagery of vision and the soul in Steven Universe’s world. The disconnect to one’s person (soul and mindset), the feeling of being unable to reach out to a person, is there. He’s afraid; this is what he feared: Peridot is going to leave him now that he has failed, that he didn’t play the part for what she wanted him to do — he’s scared shitless of another person leaving him behind to pick up the pieces.

He believes that she has the opportunity to go forward into the future, to her own life, while there’s him, his opportunities closed off, unable to climb them from how arduous they are in scale.

Unable to touch her, to be able to keep close contact.

Unable to stop her from leaving.

But these are all fears, assumptions, and anxieties.

It doesn’t have to be like that. It doesn’t have to define you.