#just how cathartic it is in both to even get to play a role that expresses the beauty in just being queer

[gayofthefae]

Thinking about Noah Schnapp performing a van scene "you make her feel like she's not a mistake at all"

And Gabriella Pizzolo (Suzie actress and lesbian) performing "Ring of Keys" from Fun Home.

[autistichalsin]

Astarion and Halsin's traumas were meant to be foils

When characters are foils, there are two components: first, there's a shared background, event, personality trait, etc. But how the characters act from then on are diametrically opposed, allowing us an insight into the various ways people can act or respond to one core "element". In this case, I would argue that Halsin and Astarion are meant to be foils in their responses to sexual slavery.

Both Astarion and Halsin were denied their freedom and agency, raped and abused. Both were very young when this happened; Astarion was in his 30s, which is before elves are considered to reach their majority, while Halsin's age wasn't specified, but he goes out of his way to mention "youth" many times. In other words- both were young enough for this to be a formative memory for them. Both carry deep traumas from their experiences. Both are incredibly physically attractive, and allude to or outright say that their looks played a part in their captivity; Astarion was used to seduce others for Cazador, while Halsin notes that his Drow captors "took an interest in him" and saw him "as a novelty"- most likely for his looks as much as for his race. Both were raped by people of high social status- Cazador a wealthy influential figure in Baldur's Gate, and Halsin's captors high-ranking Drow nobles. That is what they have in common.

But their responses to their traumas are complete opposites.

First, just the nature of how they express their traumas. Astarion is LOUD about it. He expresses it all openly; he is traumatized. And he knows he didn't deserve what happened to him.

Halsin buries it. He pretends it was no big deal. He victim-blames himself, saying it was his fault for being a "foolhardy young Druid" intent on seeing the Underdark.

Astarion despises Cazador; he wants revenge. He will do anything to get revenge on his abuser. This need for closure is the core of Astarion's entire arc, to the point that of all the scenarios I can think of where Astarion leaves the party, most of them involve his journey to kill Cazador.

Halsin has trauma bonds (also known as Stockholm Syndrome.) He speaks kindly of his captors even when describing their abuse. He says he feared for his life, but he "did some things that were less than necessary," making it sound like he was complicit in his own rape. He can't even bring himself to call them captors (except for one option in the new datamined dialogue), nor himself a sex slave; instead, he was something "between a guest, prisoner, and consort."

Astarion is (in most cases) ultimately allowed closure; he kills Cazador. In the bad path, he then joins the cycle of abuse by killing the other vampires; in good scenarios, he only kills Cazador, and then has a cathartic, tearful breakdown after.

Halsin never had (or seemed to want) that closure; he escaped while his captors were fighting another noble house, and his freedom was all he wanted. Whether his captors lived or not, he doesn't care.

Astarion is younger, and his trauma a shorter time ago, yet he has processed what happened more; he is both further ahead and further behind on his healing journey than Halsin.

Halsin is older, and his trauma longer ago, but he hasn't processed what happened to him; bouncing from trauma to trauma and being forced into a leadership role caused him to have to bury it. He is both further behind and further ahead on his healing journey than Astarion.

Astarion makes a point of avoiding intimacy; he only has a few exceptions with the player. (Ascended Astarion becomes much more confident, but that's a bit different.)

Halsin is incredibly sexually open. He enjoys sex of all kinds; he finds it comforting, the only way he can openly express his emotions after having to stay in control as Archdruid all the time.

Astarion dissociates during the Drow brothel orgy. He is miserable and uncomfortable, but doesn't regret it; he needed to take the step to explore his sexuality on his terms. Even if it triggered him, he still wanted the experience, and indeed, finding what one's triggers are is an important step for many survivors.

Halsin enjoys himself during the orgy, and even seems pleased after, but then he lets the cracks show, talking about how he was held as a slave. He enjoyed it during, but after, the thoughts started creeping in, as he was reminded of his captivity.

Astarion will respond to cruel player comments about Cazador with a massive hit in approval, and possibly breaking up with a romanced player, like when they say they have a kidnapping fantasy about him if he's kidnapped by the spawn.

Halsin, in the new dialogue options, doesn't seem to react that much even to cruel comments; when the player threatens to sell him back into slavery, all he has to say is, "you would be unwise to attempt it, trust me. In any case, the house of my captors is long-extinct." (Followed by him having an epiphany that they WERE his captors) He never gets angry at the player despite the absolute evil of this option; as with nearly every other mean thing the player says to him, he simply shrugs it off, clearly sad but brushing it off as always. Being the "bigger person", literally and metaphorically.

Astarion was left with scars all over his back, symbolizing how this is something he'll never break free from entirely.

Halsin was left with no scars, his only prominent one being from an unrelated incident, symbolizing how much work he puts in to hide his traumas.

It's understated, so a lot of players aren't going to think about it much because of this, but I think it's worth bringing up as a note on characterization!

[midnightanxietytm]

Between the walls of Ba Sing Se

Contents: Role-swap AU, verbal fights (on Zuko's part at least), Katara angst, lots of introspection, tension so thick you could cut it, mentions of the Painted Lady, Pre-relationship Zutara, Katara is mid-redemption arc, She's working in a teashop with her gran-gran.

A/N: This is an extra set in the same universe of this fic, I wanted to explore the characters more before making the decision of actually writing zutara into the fic. I appreciate constructive criticism, you can send me an ask if you want to discuss anything abt this fic.

“Playing pretend, Princess?” It hurts because he's saying it, because they both know it has truth to it, because somehow, he knows her.

Word count: 881

It's a long long way

To Ba Sing Se

But the girls in the city

They look so pretty

It’s weirdly peaceful, cathartic even, or at least as peaceful as customer service can get. Still, Katara finds herself content with this existence, this life she and her grandmother had made for themselves. She likes the tea, likes their house, likes the pai-sho, and if she ever needs a little more adrenaline, she has The Painted Lady.

But then he comes along, rattles her peace, shakes her to her very core; that ruthless reminder of her every mistake.

And she’s so unlucky, because out of all the Avatar's friends, Zuko is the one who isn’t afraid to go toe to toe with her. Sure, his sister had the raw power, but he had the technique, the balance, and the knowledge of… well her. 

“Playing pretend, Princess?” It hurts because he's saying it, because they both know it has truth to it, because somehow, he knows her. And she doesn’t know how to answer, not anymore. She looks away, outside the alleyway behind the shop, upwards towards the sky, anywhere but his amber eyes.

“I'm not a princess anymore.” She says, only because she realizes he's waiting for her answer, sizing her up, determining If she’s a threat to be dealt with. She glances at the Dao on his back and wishes she had the courage to learn something like that, she wonders where he did.

“Oh? What are you, then?” There’s so much venom in his words, so much hatred, and she’s just starting to realize that she does deserve that, she has caused him nothing but suffering… And once again she can’t answer him, because of his hate, or was it her own hate? It poisons her veins, clogs her throat. And because she doesn’t know it just yet. Who is she if not Princess Katara of the Southern Tribe? Who was she then? Who is she now?

She leans further into the shadows of the alley, hoping they engulf her, wanting to run, but unable to run from his burning embers. “I don’t know…” She admits in a whisper, hoping he doesn’t hear it, hoping he leaves.

“Really? Because I could have sworn someone called you by Kya today, is that a new trick of yours?” And that she can’t stand. She steps forward, fists curling and posture changing so fast that Zuko, despite himself, is taken aback, and raises a hand to his sword hilt.

“Don’t say that name like that!” She bites. “You can spit my name with as much poison as you want, but not that one! Don’t come again. Leave me alone!” She’s back inside the teashop, fast as a tidal wave.

Zuko stands there, hand firmly gripping his dao, for a good few seconds before his body finally allows itself to relax; he exhales slowly and leaves the alleyway, and he ignores his shaky hands, ignores how the girl he’s used to focus all his hate on had looked so… fragile.

He can handle her being a threat, he can handle all the scars and scratches she’s given him, that he’s given her, but he can’t handle the hurt in her eyes, he can’t afford to let his empathy get the best of him, not during war. He can’t let his guard down.

And yet… Once he finds his way back to the upper ring he finds himself slipping into the brooding and introspective manners he often does whenever he's shaken by something. 

So he trains.

This is a newer habit, one that came after they started their journey. Now he trains every time he has a particularly harsh dilemma, and during those training sessions he makes sure that the moon is his only companion. In this particular situation though, the moonlight distracts him, because it also reminds him of her.

She’s stronger under the veil of the night, every waterbender is, but she especially is a fearsome thing to behold. He wondered how long it’s been since she could bend in the open, he wondered how it would feel to have to hide such an integral part of oneself. 

Zuko has always been a little jealous of her when it came to bending; she had training, experience, she was a fully realized master. All he had was the partial teachings of his uncle, who was often busy running their village and a week of class back when they stayed with Hama, everything else was him improvising, adapting, and pushing forward because he had to. His bending was solely for survival, hers was for fighting, that he had managed to hold his own against her so many times before was a miracle.

And to see such foe so utterly lost, it moved something deep within him, something he couldn’t quite place. He echoed her confusion with each fiery punch and kick of his own, then with each swing of his swords.

Zuko trained until his muscles were sore and his mind was somewhat clear. It was well past one in the morning when he finally sat down near a water fountain, breathing heavily. He didn’t really have a conclusion for his dilemmas.

But he thought he could really go for some tea in the morning.

[foreverdolly]

would it be a sin? | austin butler x fempresley!oc

part one

pairings: austin butler x fem!oc

word count: 3,422

summary: austin is over the moon about getting the lead role in the up and coming elvis biopic, but he's beginning to buckle under the immense pressure. there's a fine line that had to be drawn between himself and elvis presley, but it's beginning to blur as the days go by. when austin is introduced to lisa-marie's daughter, it's love at first sight. he's terrified of blending work with pleasure, but it's getting impossible to deny his heart.

warnings: mild cursing and fluff- the mouthwatering smut comes later.

notes:i wanted to start this first chapter off by saying that all of this is a work of fiction. i will be talking about things that are personal to both austin butler as well as the presley family, but i will be doing it with the utmost respect. this first chapter is tame, but there will be smut as well as the mention of the loss of family members through unfortunate circumstances in future chapters. the topics of drug use and death will not be romanticized or sensationalized in any way. if you have any requests for one shots for austin!elvis or austin butler x reader, please feel free to ask!

masterlist | requests are currently open for business !

Austin, most days, no longer felt like himself. It was hard to differentiate where Austin started and Elvis began. Over the months of nonstop research and dedication, the two of them melded together somehow. Who was who? He didn’t know anymore. Couldn’t really remember, either. 

Austin wasn’t just playing a part in a film anymore. It felt too real. Too dangerous. It was bound to all get worse before it got better. When Baz officially calls it all a wrap and shuts off the cameras for good, he doesn’t know what he’s going to do. He was already flailing, trying to get a grip on things. . .  on life. His long term relationship of nine years had ended towards the very beginning of the project. He had just cut and dyed his hair and had thrown himself into his art. Maybe it was his fault that things ended, but he didn’t regret it. Not even for an instant; no matter how horrible that may sound. Working on the movie had made it an easy transition from living everyday life with a long term partner to suddenly being single and alone. He had hidden himself away in his new flat in Australia. Due to Covid he rarely had any visitors. He had been able to sort out his own feelings back then. He took the time to really sort through his emotions and wrap his head around things.

 His ex had been a major part of his life. She had helped to mold and shape him into the man that he was today. Austin had learned what he liked and didn’t like in a relationship. He learned how to be patient and how to properly care for a woman. She would always be an essential part of who he was- but as a building block. She had been an essential stepping stone. That first relationship had acted as his training wheels- but Austin knew how to ride now- so it was natural for him to take them off. So he had. 

He mourned the relationship for a few short days, but the tears didn’t last for very long. He had ripped off the band-aid, and there was something oddly cathartic about it all. He felt better than he really had in years, and it was because things felt right. He had been resolute in his decision, and though he knew that it had been painful for her, she had agreed with him on all points. All that they had ever known was each other, and towards the five year mark, that had been the only thing that really kept them together. Familiarity and comfortability had been the glue that kept them stuck in that odd state of limbo. Austin stopped thinking about marriage and children as the years ticked by with her. He had stopped planning out their future. Instead they seemed to live day by day, making excuses to themselves and loved ones whenever anyone pried or if they tried to do any serious soul searching. 

The call where he had ended things had only lasted fifteen minutes and thirty-nine seconds.  He had kept things simple- sugar coated some things so that they would be easier for her to digest- and waited for her reaction. There had been tears. He could hear them, but she understood. He could tell that she agreed, and maybe that had been the hardest part of it all for her. The realization that they had been clinging onto each other for dear life, all while knowing that they weren’t the ones for each other. Change was a terrifying thing, and so they had ignored their own feelings and desires, hoping that eventually it would fade out. 

Austin’s true feelings never flickered out though. They had stayed, and with it came the doubt. Then the decision. 

He had told himself that he wouldn’t date for a while. He needed to dive head first into his project, and he couldn’t have any distractions. For a time that was exactly what he had done. He had put so much pressure on himself to do well that he found it hard to think of much else. He lived and breathed Elvis. For four long months there hadn’t been much else. It had been a lot to get used to for his friends and family. For the first couple of weeks, his sudden change of accent had been shocking for them. His father had been the most worried about it. He was scared about what would happen after they finished everything. Austin had assured everyone that he wanted the accent to feel natural to him, and that he had just chosen to take a more method approach so that he could fully immerse himself into the project.

These days, he had trouble remembering what he sounded like before they started filming. That was terrifying. He felt his grip on reality shifting. He was losing an uphill battle, because if he was going to be completely honest with himself, his mental health had never been all that great. 

It was the day after that self realization that he had sought out personal advice, going to Tom Hanks in the hopes that he’d help to ground him. The man’s words had been simple, yet crucial. He needed to take time for himself. Not Elvis. Austin. 

Austin had ordered a book later that night that reminded him of his years in high school. He had been forced to read it for an essay, but had found himself unable to put it down. Every night that week he curled up on the couch and read The Great Gatsby. Instead of feeling like somebody else completely, in those moments he only felt nostalgic. The line between Austin and Elvis had slowly been carved, no matter how faint. 

But then she came along. 

It had been a regular day on set, and a particularly hard one at that. After all of the karate lessons, dialect coaching, and dance classes the man was absolutely exhausted. He didn’t have too much left in him to give that day, and he was excited to crawl back home and fall asleep under his weighted blanket. He had moved to stand behind the camera, one of the crew member’s playing a scene back for him so that he could see exactly where he had gone wrong. Rather than moving his hips while he performed, he had been using his knees instead. He was hurting badly because of it, and it didn’t look the same. It didn’t look right. His mood had soured instantly, his blue eyes narrowing on the small screen as he took a step closer, watching his footing again and again. “Play that back one more time for me.” The crew member started to wind the shot back, but Baz had stepped in, his arm wrapped tightly around an unfamiliar figure. Austin was in no mood to meet anyone or exchange niceties with any of the extras. Not today at least. Today he was feeling majorly self conscious, and it was bleeding into his attitude. 

“We’re about to wrap up for the day, so I wanted you to meet someone.” Austin wanted to groan. To ruffle his greased up hair and throw an absolute fit. The entire Presley family were eventually going to see the film, and he was letting them down, he just knew it. He was letting everybody down by this performance. How the hell was he supposed to smile and play nice? Austin turned on his heel, wishing that he had mastered the art of the fake smile over the years he had spent in Hollywood. He was good at acting, but he had the inability to be fake. 

He turned on his heel, shoving his hands into the pockets of his blue slacks before eying Baz. The older man gently pushed the mystery woman forward, motioning with his head in her direction. Austin let his eyes focus on her in the dim studio lighting. He found himself instantly regretting everything. His initial expression, his inability to properly execute today’s scenes, the fact that he had eaten garlic hummus with his lunch that day- all of it. 

Oh god, it was almost as though the world had shifted beneath his feet. His heart jumped up into his throat, his hands began to sweat, and he found it nearly impossible to function. All words escaped him. The only thing that left his lips for the first few seconds was a breathy huff, his blue eyes locking on her small figure. She was short and compact, daintily made in a way that made his protective instincts flare. Her hair was dark against the bright colors of her dress, the contrast a bit shocking. The first thing he noticed were her large eyes- so bright and so very blue. Then she smiled at him. The words weren’t the only thing to escape him. So had the ability to breathe. If Baz noticed the man’s reaction, he didn’t say anything. Instead he took the opportunity to fill the silence, gesturing between the two of them. 

“Austin, this is Elliot. She wasn’t able to meet you back when we had the original luncheon with the rest of her family.” His reaction was delayed as he tried to piece together exactly what his director was trying to say. 

It wasn’t until she reached her hand out towards him that it finally registered. “You’re related to Priscilla then?” He felt stupid the second the question left his lips, and he couldn’t help but smile nervously as he reached out and took her small hand in his, giving it a couple of shakes. 

Thankfully she found humor in his reaction and laughed, and though the busy studio overshadowed the gorgeous sound, it reverberated in his ears nonetheless. “I’m one of her granddaughters. Lisa-Marie is my mother.” Austin’s eyes really honed in on each one of her dainty features. Her small pointed nose, her warm smile and bright blue eyes. He felt embarrassed that he didn’t instantly recognize her. It was almost as though he was shaking hands with Priscilla back when she was in her twenties. The resemblance was uncanny.

“That’s it for today people! You all did great!” Baz called out, the bright lights shutting off loudly as the cameras were moved out of position. Elliot stumbled out of the way, moving to Austin’s side so that extras could begin making their way off stage and to the dressing rooms. She lingered by his side, her arm gently brushing against his as cast and crew filed past. A few people looked in their direction, staring a little too long as they tried to decipher just who she was and what they were doing together. “I got here about thirty minutes ago, so I saw the last few takes.” She explained. 

Austin pinched the bridge of his nose, his cheeks growing hot with embarrassment. Of course she just so happened to show up today of all days. He had been off of his game all day long. “You were dazzling.” His eyes flickered open so that he could stare down at her, his mascara coated lashes brushing against his brow bone as he watched her expression carefully. He raised an eyebrow dubiously at her, completely unbelieving of the sweet sentiment. She threw her hands up in surrender, her smile widening. 

“No, no. I’m serious, Austin. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. It was surreal.” He had been getting a lot of positive feedback as of late, but he still wasn’t used to it. He couldn’t keep the grin off of his face as he stared down at his feet, raising his hand so that he could nervously rub at the back of his neck.

“Well that means a lot comin’ from you.” He felt like an idiot talking to her in the accent, but he was already neck deep in it. He was positive that he couldn’t turn the voice off even if he tried. 

“Baz is incredibly proud of you, by the way. He kept telling me about how dedicated you are to playing this part, and it really shows.” Elliot would never know how much her words meant to him. Today, of all days, he really needed to hear those things. 

The fear of getting it all wrong kept him up most nights. Last night had been incredibly hard for him. The anxiety was eating him alive. He hadn’t even been able to keep down his breakfast this morning, his nerves getting the best of him. “One of my grandfather’s biggest fears was people dehumanizing him. Everyone has turned him into more of a character and less of a man. He wanted to do something important with his life- make an impact, you know? Your performance felt human.” The woman was quick to reach out, placing her warm palm against his sleeve. Her fingers wrapped around his arm, giving him a few quick squeezes. Austin wasn’t sure if she was trying to reassure him or comfort him. Either way, she was handling him with a sort of softness that he wasn’t used to. 

The actor could listen to her talk all day, he was positive. There was something about her voice that made his muscles untense and his mind quiet. It was soft and melodic, and if it wasn’t the kindness in her eyes that made him melt, then it was certainly the gentle way that she spoke to him that did the trick. Austin was certain that his knees were quivering beneath him. “I want to pick your brain,” He spoke up before he had time to second guess himself. “Would you like to have dinner with me? If you have other plans, I completely understand. Just thought it would be nice, is all.” 

The girl shook her head, her dark locks falling off of her shoulders with the movement. For a second he was scared that he was being rejected, but she motioned towards the door with a sweep of her hand. “I was just about to ask you the same thing.” He let out a sigh of relief, a nervous laugh bubbling up and out of his throat soon after. 

“Just let me go get changed, okay? It will only take a minute.” He had to remind himself not to run through the studio, his heart pounding in his ears as he closed the door firmly behind him. He had been terrified out of his mind whenever he had met Priscilla and Lisa-Marie for the first time. He had called Baz the night before, hoping for some sort of guidance. The director had become more of a mentor over the last couple of months, and he was hoping for some kind of a pick-me-up. Despite his constant words of nonchalance and encouragement, the anxiety lingered. He carried it in the pit of his stomach the next afternoon, and it didn’t ease throughout the entire luncheon. Austin wasn’t quite sure how he had managed to eat, but he had scarfed down way more than he was used to consuming. He went home with sweaty palms, an overactive imagination, and a stomach that was packed to full capacity. This felt oddly similar, but different at the same time. 

This wasn’t a date, but Austin couldn’t seem to get the point across to the rest of his body. “Fuck.” He whispered under his breath, reaching for the hanger so that he could neatly begin taking off the outfit. He took the time to make sure that everything was hung up to Catherine’s liking before grabbing his leather duffle bag, pulling on his clothes like a mad man. He had worn a pair of light washed jeans and his favorite pair of brown boots to the studio this morning. He had spilled coffee on his shirt early in the afternoon, so Catherine had given him a spare white tee to wear home. He made a mental note to thank her whenever he saw her in the morning. Clearing his throat he moved closer to the mirror, taking a look at his hair that had been slicked back hours ago. He ran his fingers through it, trying his hardest to disarrange the hairstyle, but it only made his hair look dirty. With an exasperated groan he used his fingers to put it back into place, taking a step back to look at the eyeliner that had been dragged over his top lash line. He had half the mind to try and rub it off as well, but he knew that he’d only make himself look like a raccoon, what with the mascara on his top and bottom lashes. 

This entire situation was ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. Here he was, giddy over the potential of getting to know her better, all while dressed like her grandfather. The humor of the situation was lost on him. Instead he rubbed his large hands down his cheeks, letting out an aggravated groan. He felt like he was in high school all over again. He hadn’t been this nervous about a girl in. . . well. . . - now that he thought about it, had he ever been this nervous over a girl? He hadn’t been single since he was twenty-one. He had been fresh out of high school, and the only dates he had been on prior to his ex had been double dates that his guy friends had coerced him into. He was nearly thirty years old, acting as though he was still in his twenties. He felt ashamed. 

Austin braced either of his hands on the dressing room counter, staring up at himself through his lashes. He had rather liked the dyed black hair, but he suddenly felt ridiculous standing there in the mirror. He had to go ahead and set himself up for disappointment. If he didn’t try, then there would be no chance of rejection. He needed to go ahead and dash whatever fantasies were floating around in his brain before they got the better of him, because how embarrassing would that make things for him? He wouldn’t just be friendzoned, he would be grandpa-zoned. Elliot saw him as one of the men tasked with telling her family’s tragic story. This was important to her, he could tell. This dinner was going to be nothing more than two potential friends talking with one another. It was going to be a great opportunity for him to hear rather intimate stories about the legend, passed down to her by the only woman that really knew the true Elvis. After a few deep breaths he stood up, brushing his hands over his shirt a few times before heading out the door. The overhead studio lights had been turned back on, a few of the crew members still lingering around as they taped wires to the floor, readjusted certain lights, and readied themselves for tomorrow's busy schedule. 

Elliot’s back was to him, so he took the opportunity to get a better look at her. Her dress was a seventies style slip dress that brushed against her upper thighs. Her short dress and calf high boots made her look a lot taller than she really was from where he was standing. Of course he had seen her up close, and knew that she was well below his chin. Both her mother and grandmother were on the shorter side, so he wasn’t surprised. Her hair, which he hadn’t gotten a very good look at when the two had first been introduced, was incredibly long. It cascaded down her back in loose waves, ending right at her hips.  Austin didn’t allow himself to stare at her for too long, not wanting to get carried away. ‘Friends’, he reminded himself as he walked up to her. “Elliot,” He called her name to get her attention, his eyebrows furrowing when he noticed that there was something in her hand. She turned her head to face him, grinning ear to ear as she flashed him a pair of ivory white panties. She had her fingers looped into the waistband, and it didn’t take him long to figure out that she had stumbled across the prop by accident. She must have been laughing to herself for a little while. Her cheeks were slightly red from smiling. “Nice.” She said simply, tossing them into one of the crew member’s folding chairs before nodding her head towards the door. “Shall we? I’m starving.”

[incesthemes]

holy shit this is a GREAT scene overall, but i'm particularly blown away by this moment here. for all dean talks about family, i love how he always, always, always comes back to sam above all others, including his own mother.

they've been claiming that both sam and dean were tortured by toni, and yeah sure they were, but let's be entirely honest: sam took on the overwhelming burden of that torture. dean got roughed up and it could have gotten worse, but sam did endure the worse. and i'm sure dean knows it, because dean always knows. he's deeply and shamefully aware of just what sam has been through at all times.

and sam and dean have no other real reason to refuse the british men of letters beyond their experience with toni. yet because of that dean is creating a false sense of tribalism here: us or them. mary chose the "them" which is a betrayal of the "us" and therefore she's no longer part of the family (not mom, mary).

so now dean is here dominating the argument and rejecting mary. in essence, he's choosing sam over mary here. sam's negative (understatement) experience with the BMoL trumps whatever rationale mary could have for working with them; dean won't even hear her out. it's shockingly black and white for a guy who claims to put so much stock into the idea of family (that's a deconstruction for another day). but it's because sam was hurt by these guys, so these guys are an enemy. and a friend of an enemy is an enemy, even if they were family.

what i love about this is how easily dean steps into the protector role and stands up for sam, even at the expense of ruining his relationship with his mother. he did this with john in season 1, he continues it now. sam is always placed above anyone else in his family, no matter what. mary is supposedly what dean wanted the most, according to amara, and now he's rejecting her because sam's well-being is more important than his relationship with his mom.

and what i love even more about this is that sam just sits there and lets dean defend him. i love that the camera flickers to sam silently watching as dean chews her out, his expression open and hurt. it's very vulnerable and little-brother of him, and i'll bet it means a lot to him that dean is playing mama bear on his behalf—if it didn't, he would stand up for himself, or say anything in this conversation at all. i'll bet it's especially meaningful because sam has stood in exactly mary's spot before, dean getting all tribalistically self-righteous on him for getting friendly with demons. and now dean is defending him just as vehemently over something so (tragically) mundane as torture. it's nothing sam hasn't been through before, but dean won't stand for it regardless, and sam lets him. he sits there in the chair while dean and mary stand as opposing forces. he looks up at them and watches them battle it out and he doesn't say a word. he's on dean's side of the table—dean's side of the argument—and he has nothing to say, for himself, for mary, for dean. he's just letting his big brother take care of him.

and then at the very end, when mary turns on him and forces him into the argument, all sam has to say is "you should go." echoing dean, supporting dean. and his eyes are teary and hurt. nothing to add, nothing to say for himself. just fully and totally coddled by dean. that's so delicious and so, so cathartic to witness after all of the times sam has been the "wrong" or "bad" one. to see dean defending and protecting his little brother to such an extent that he's giving up the thing he apparently wanted most. choosing sam over everything else. how meaningful that would be to sam, who struggles to believe how much dean truly loves him. i'm going to be sick

[mythandlaur]

Lyoko Warriors Run A D&D Game

I wrote something about this for Code: July and said I'd expand on it later And Then I Didn't so

Aelita: After much deliberation, was chosen to be the DM given her skillset making her good at handling both mechanics and storytelling (though the others occasionally try their hands in one-shots). Was incredibly nervous at first, but naturally settled into the role and thrives in it. Makes a lot of homebrew and gets crazy into setting development. Is very careful about the players' mental states and tries not to mirror any actual event they've been through too closely in her stories, though she can't help projecting a little bit (Mister Puck shows up as an NPC wherever she can fit him, she focuses a lot of plots around family crises and the importance of bonds between people, always puts emphasis on hope and happy endings, even if they're difficult to reach). Can be absolutely cruel in regard to making enemy encounters strategically difficult, but only because she knows the others will somehow make it through. Has a DMPC elf druid who acts as a healer (and shamelessly flirts with Jeremie's character)

Jeremie: Was also considered for the DM role, but declined--he admitted that while he'd read the rulebook before and would do great with mechanics, he'd make a poor storyteller. It's also kind of cathartic for him to be with the party of fantasy action heroes for once. He made a human wizard initially as a poorly-hidden, powered-up self-insert, focusing on spells that would mechanically and strategically benefit the party, but as he gets into the story the character comes into its own and he branches out with spells he just thinks are cool. The designated Only One Who Remembers What Happened Last Session, and usually the first to see through Aelita's battle gimmicks, though whether or not he tells the others about them immediately is a toss-up.

Odd: Made a nonbinary dwarf bard before most of the group knew what nonbinary was (mid-2000s, not a well known thing despite two of them being trans). Takes up the healer role when Aelita can't juggle her PC. Often has to be gently nudged out of the spotlight and reminded he isn't playing the only main character, but Aelita can always rely on him to take her hooks and drag the others along with him, or force the rest of the party to actually talk to each other. Basically that one really talkative, enthusiastic player in the group who always fills any awkward silences.

Ulrich: Initially wasn't too interested in this whole thing and was just joining to hang out with his friends. Has a dragonborn fighter who eventually multiclasses into monk. Also started off as very much a self-insert character, and Ulrich is occasionally a bit of a difficult player because he has trouble with his character being wrong and screwing things up. Eventually, though, he starts to loosen up, sometimes rivaling Odd as the spotlight-stealer because of his character's dedication to their team and "awesome dragon powers"

Yumi: Originally tried to make a healer until Aelita sussed out she didn't actually want to play support and was only doing it because she thought she had to; after some nudging, she made a human rogue assassin instead. She still winds up being the party's dedicated problem-solver and only sane man, the one who'll actually try the doorknob to see if it's locked before Jeremie's character makes a dangerous attempt to teleport past it or Ulrich's character tries to kick it in. The most quiet person at the table, but when she does speak up, it's clear she's put a lot of thought into her character's backstory, how she behaves, and her relationships and opinions on others. Always describes her attacks in battle, and encourages Ulrich into eventually doing the same.

William: Was invited by Aelita to mend his relationships with the rest of the group, and is the silently-acknowledged exception to the "don't play anything too close to Lyoko" rule since he's still working through some crap and this is the only way he'll actually open up to the others. As such, has a tiefling warlock afraid of his own powers and patron that's difficult to integrate into the group at first because of William's own reluctance and being one of those infamous brooding edgy loner characters. Eventually, William shows the character has a very notable soft side and gets him in somewhat good graces with the others. Is incredibly dramatic and clearly using this as an acting outlet, but is also very good at said acting and tends to get the rest of the group swept up in his energy.

[twstunes]

i lied btw i actually wrote a lot more than 4k words, it's just a matter of getting everything arranged coherently. have more au!

Ramshackle Recruitment AU – periphery opinions

As they are employed at a boarding school for exceptionally gifted teenage mages, the staff of Night Raven College are well-versed in dealing with mayhem. And yet, all of them are finding this year to be one of the most bizarre ones on record. Not even Sam's divination skills could've predicted an extra dorm being added to the lineup.

Let's take a look at how these gentlemen feel about the Ramshackle situation, from least to most approving.

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland

Characters: Night Raven College staff (+ Sam)

Notes: gn Yuu

Warnings: none, I think?

Mozus Trein, being a very by-the-book type of guy, is entirely against Ramshackle as it currently exists. He feels it’s inappropriate for students to be transferring to a dorm before it’s been officially instated, especially when the dorm building is in such poor condition. It doesn’t help that Yuu apparently started taking on dormmates just to spite a fellow housewarden; that isn’t a decision to be made so lightly.

Beyond chastising them for their recklessness, though, Trein doesn't have any further admonishments for Yuu regarding their dorm. He's more annoyed with Crowley for allowing any of this to happen. Frankly, it was irresponsible for the headmage to place Yuu in the Ramshackle building to begin with. Surely they could have been temporarily situated in one of the actual dorms, at least until adequate long-term housing could be arranged? Sevens, setting them up in a quiet corner of the infirmary would've been better than that deathtrap!

Despite his reputation as a hardass, he'll be surprisingly lenient when grading Yuu so long as they show that they're making an effort to get caught up with their peers. He's typically even more strict with housewardens, as they're meant to represent the entirety of their dorms, but it would be irresponsible of him as a teacher to take that stance here. He'll assign additional homework as needed to discourage students from sleeping in his class, but his lessons are still for learning, not punishing. Even if it was foolish of Yuu to take on a role they weren't prepared for, his job as a professor is to teach them, not throw them in the deep end and let them drown.

There's very little that could convince Trein to visit Ramshackle dorm, at least at first. As the surrounding grounds get cleaned up, he might be inclined to spend some time reading in the garden; he normally prefers the school courtyard, but it can get pretty noisy with all the students bustling about. He won't be caught dead in the Ramshackle building itself, though. Both he and Lucius are a tad too old to go gallivanting about in such a dusty old structure.

(He won't say it, but he's impressed with how well Yuu is doing as housewarden. Like Leona, he expected the whole thing to go up in flames within a matter of weeks. Again, he's not going to say anything about it—even if things turned out well this time around, he doesn't need to be encouraging such rash behavior.)

Divus Crewel agrees with Trein’s points, but refuses to fully back the other professor's argument. He might respect Crowley as his boss, but watching the headmage suffer the consequences of his own actions is too cathartic to pass up. Quite the spirited pup he's taken in, there!

Though he doesn't condemn the existence of the dorm outright, he doesn't refrain from reprimanding Yuu for their 'bad behavior'—the way he sees it, this whole thing started because of some petty drama between Yuu and Riddle. He's not blind to the social nuances of the NRC student body, but he is too old to care about the more trivial aspects of it all. Regardless, Yuu has no business playing at being a housewarden; there's good reason it's nearly unheard of for a freshman to be granted the title, and being magicless puts them at a distinct disadvantage in a mage academy.

…however. If Yuu truly is determined to be a full-fledged housewarden, then he's not about to abide by them slacking off! That's a prestigious mantle they've chosen to take up, and they will comport themselves accordingly! Good thing he's there to whip them into shape. He begins holding them to higher standards, especially in regards to their grades and conduct. Though he means well, he comes across as more officious than usual as a result. No matter how tolerant Yuu is, it doesn't exactly go over smoothly…he can grasp that Yuu themself has no magic easily enough, but it takes a while for it to sink in that they're from a world with Absolutely No Magic.

"Surely you must have learned something about residual and ambient magical energies in middle school. Understanding how to neutralize them, thus preventing them from affecting the formation of chemical bonds, is part of basic lab safet– what do you mean they don't exist?"

Like Trein, Crewel has no interest in visiting Ramshackle dorm. It would take endorsement from a junior like Vil for him to consider dropping by, and even then, he'd only do so to make a cursory inspection of the premises. In a school full of teenage boys, Pomefiore is just about the only dorm where he doesn't have to lecture anyone about proper grooming and self-maintenance; Ramshackle doesn't break the mold at all in that regard. Aside from that, he finds the dorm to be…in acceptable conditions, though there's still plenty of room for improvement. He visits very rarely, and typically forgoes wearing his coat inside, not wanting to chance getting any grime on it.

(It’s petty enough that Crewel won’t admit to it outright, but he’s a little peeved he wasn’t even consulted about designing Ramshackle’s official dorm uniform. What, was his work with the Fairy Gala outfits not good enough? Hmph. Well, he supposes the final uniform design turned out adequate…)

Dire Crowley is getting heckled in the NRC staff groupchat. When he’d described Yuu as a beast-tamer, he’d had no idea they were capable of all THIS. It feels like every time he turns around, there’s been some development with Ramshackle that he’s going to need to do paperwork for. But breaking up the dorm would risk an immense amount of backlash from the students involved, and possibly even from other dorms…truly, he is the most generous headmage NRC has ever had! Hopefully the fact Ramshackle already has uniforms done up will make it easier to get the dorm properly approved and instated…

He really ought to be more cross with Yuu, all things considered. Not only have they caused him a financial headache concerning Ramshackle dorm's food budget, they were impudent enough to not even give him a heads up beforehand! Though…well, he supposes things worked out for the best regarding the debacle with Rosehearts. A healthy imagination is key to becoming a great mage, but it sounds like the Heartslabyul housewarden wasn't allowing for an environment in which imagination could thrive…but still! Just because he granted Yuu the title of prefect doesn't mean they can go about doing whatever they want. Perhaps it's time for him to revise his laissez-faire policy regarding student conflicts?…hmm, no, that feels a bit too extreme.

Despite it all, he still brags to Ambrose LXIII about Yuu, Grim, and Ramshackle once the new dorm breaches public consciousness. He was so wise for seeing their potential and allowing them to enroll, even though one is magicless and the other a monster. Look at how much they've accomplished thanks to his generosity! (He better hope Yuu and Grim don't hear him lmao)

Crowley makes a point of dropping by Ramshackle fairly consistently to check on Yuu and Grim—especially since the last time he went a while without checking in on them, they started a dorm without telling him. He gets frustratingly good at evading being dragged into the dorm's daily Shenanigans™ despite how often he visits, but he'll often lose track of time if someone strikes up a conversation with him. It's a running joke amongst Ramshackle students to ask Crowley if he's found a way to send Yuu home whenever they spot him at the dorm…though, after a point, most of them don't want to hear a "yes" in response.

(It's not becoming of him, so he won't say anything about it, but Crowley can't say for certain that he doesn't regret letting Yuu and Grim enroll. Yes, yes, it's wonderful how much they've achieved, but did they really have to give him so much extra work in the process?? Just thinking about how to word the inevitable press announcement explaining the formation of Ramshackle dorm gives him a headache.)

Ashton Vargas, by some miracle, is the most Actually Helpful of the teachers. He thinks it’s fantastic that students are taking the initiative to challenge themselves! AND they’re learning teamwork while they’re at it! Just…Trein’s not wrong about Ramshackle being in rough shape. Living there is barely different from camping outdoors. ("Does he get the idea for Camp Vargas from–" haha yeah)

Vargas will regularly check in with Yuu about any concerns regarding the dorm building’s structural integrity. He’s no architect, but he knows how to safely handle power tools! He can take care of any heavy lifting that needs to be done, too! If it gives him a chance to show off and brag, he’s all for it. He canonically maintains the sports field by himself, so he probably has some good advice for cleaning up the grounds around Ramshackle as well. That doesn't mean he's going to do all the work himself, of course—anyone he catches lazing about the dorm gets dragged along with him. It's good strength training!

He also makes sure the dorm has basic safety equipment on-hand, like fire extinguishers and first aid kits. Even a pro like him has to be mindful of training accidents, after all! He's always proud to see students pushing their limits, but he's watched far too many people torch their athletic careers (and long-term physical health) by pushing themselves too hard. It's uncommon for him to give full-on lectures—he's just not the type to drag things out when a "quit doing that" will do—but anyone he catches trying to brush off a significant injury gets treated to a rare, ultra-serious lecture from him.

Due to being so involved in the dorm's restoration, Vargas is the most likely to visit Ramshackle out of NRC's staff. He'll often tag along if he happens to catch Crowley heading over to check on Yuu and Grim, though he's yet to successfully rope the headmage into doing any strength training. Being a bit childish at heart, he'll sometimes lend a hand to whatever tomfoolery the Ramshackle students get up to…so long as it's school-appropriate, that is! He doesn't need another lecture from Trein.

(Vargas won't own up to it, but he wants Yuu, Grim, and the rest of Ramshackle to view him as better than Sam, who is pretty much his sole competition for the title of "Most Helpful." He was already a tad jealous of the shopkeeper's wide skillset, so his competitive streak has him putting in a little more effort to help out around the dorm than he would've otherwise. Since this pseudo-rivalry exists solely inside Vargas' head, Sam has no clue about any of it.)

Sam is living it up. His Friends on the Other Side haven’t been this excited about school-related events since he’d first set up shop on campus. And, since he’s the #1 supplier of Anything And Everything at NRC, he’s been getting a lot of business as the Ramshackle students work to patch up their dorm building! He’s not about to start giving away things for free, but he IS willing to cut some deals on tools and construction materials.

Honestly, he's a little annoyed with how little money Crowley seems to be investing into repairing the dorm building. Cheaping out on infrastructure is a fast way to create a money sink. He's not one to rock the boat too much, but he'll poke and prod to see if he can get Crowley to put a little more cash into restoration efforts. Surely it wouldn't hurt to speed the process up a bit? No point in letting the imps languish. Nevermind the fact it's all profit for Sam either way–

Capitalism aside, he does grow to care about the industrious little imps after a while. Taking a gamble on a complete unknown by transferring to Ramshackle, helping out others for the sake of pursuing their own goals…his Friends are quick to joke that Sam would've jumped to join in on the fun had he been a student, and he can't really say he disagrees! Hearing about all the hijinks going on over at Ramshackle is welcome entertainment, especially when business at the shop is slow.

Sam is typically too busy running the school store to visit Ramshackle himself, but he might make an exception for a dire enough situation. As it stands, he gets his Friends to keep a specific eye or three on the dorm in case any emergencies crop up. If he just so happens to have just the right tool for the job front & center (and on sale for a deep discount) when Yuu rushes in…well, that’s simply Mr. S’ gold-quality customer service in action.

(Sam keeps it on the down-low, but he genuinely does worry about Yuu and Grim. The headmage is a good customer, but he's not someone Sam would want to be financially dependent on. Those two imps at least have the relative safety of attending NRC, but neither of them have much in the way of a support system. He'd certainly been in a bad spot himself when he'd first sought out Those on the Other Side, so he's glad Yuu and Grim seem to be building decent lives for themselves without having to make any Friends of their own.)

✧ ✧ ✧

A/N: might as well be trying to squeeze blood from a stone the way I'm trying to approximate staff personalities from what little content we get of them,,,, for Sam I'm just doing whatever I want tho lmao

[justmenoworries]

My unorganized thoughts about Hazbin finale because I am feeling all the feelings.

Positives

The songs? Absolute bangers. Both of them. The Chaggie "More Than Anything" reprise got spoiled for me but I still loved it. We stan a supportive couple ready to go to war together. The reprise for "Happy Day in Hell" at the end was a nice touch. Loved that it was Lucifer who picked up the slack to cheer up Charlie. Mans finally becoming the dad who stepped up.

The battle as a whole was awesome. Hot take, but if Adam didn't have the spawn infinite enemies cheat all bad guy armies seem to have in these situations, the Hotel definitely would've won.

I'll admit, I wasn't too jazzed about Sir Pentious replacing Mimzy in the main cast but he kind of redeemed (lol) himself for me this episode. Bro was both one of the funniest and most heartwarming characters in the finale get yourself a man who can do both. The unholy (lol) noises I made when he showed up as a redeemed soul in Heaven. Good for him! He deserves the best. Also I find Sera's and Emily's reactions to the reveal kind of interesting. Emily is overjoyed seeing that Charlie's idea works, but Sera looks... mortified? Disgusted? Kinda tells us which one of these two really deserves the title of Big Good. Side note, but it's kind of funny how the only physical change a redeemed sinner goes through is that their color scheme is now pastel instead of goth.

ADAM FUCKING DIED YESSIRRRRR! GOOD RIDDANCE BITCH NO ONE WILL MISS YOUUUU (Except for Lute, but no one gives a fuck about what Lute thinks, cry harder hoe)

Charlie's and Lucifer's true formssss! Razzle and Dazzle getting to be badassss! (R.I.P. Dazzle, hope you somehow end up in Heaven too)

Alastor Vs Adam. Cool fight, surprisingly not as one-sided as one might've thought. I mean, Alastor still lost but he lasted a lot longer than most of the others who fought against Adam (Poor Sir Pen)

Vaggie and Lute rematch, I fucking called ittttt!

Seeing everyone gear up and fight for the Hotel was cool, seeing so many Exorcists get axed off was cathartic as fuck.

Lute losing a part of her body because of Vaggie, just like she took a part of Vaggie's body was *chef's kiss*.

Lucifer Vs Adam and Lucifer just... not taking the fight seriously at all until Charlie almost gets hurt. He was really just toying with Adam for the entire first half and when he started getting serious Adam got trashed so fucking quick, I love it.

Charlie fucking shanking Adam and stopping his punch Just Like That. I lover her, she's such a badass. Sure wish we could've seen more of that (foreshadowinggg)

Vox acting as the greek chorus for the events of the episode works surprisingly well. Ngl I thought his constant commentary would get annoying really fast if they kept cutting away from the action just so he can say a funny. But no, they actually managed to time it pretty well. Props to Adam Stein (writer for this episode).

The Negatives (Yes, They Exist)

The other Vees did not need to be here. Seriously, we're starting off with Vox alone in his control room and we could've stayed there. Velvette and Valentino didn't even talk for the majority of the episode. And I'm not a fan of how Val continues to be played for comedy. Unfriendly reminder that this man is a r*pist and an abuser. If you needed a V for the funnies, Velvette and Vox are quite literally right there. (Can you believe Velvette had no lines this episode but fucking Val had both a speaking role and a not insignificant part of the ending song? Weak.) You can still have the ending scene of the Vees hanging out and planning after the aborted Extermination, literally nothing changes if you cut Val and Velvette from the cutaway gags.

Not a fan of how Lucifer stole the spotlight. "But you said you liked the Adam Vs Lucifer fight-" Yeah, I did. Doesn't change that this shouldn't have been Luci's fight, it should have been Charlie's. We've had hints this whole season that Charlie is actually way stronger and wrathful than anyone thinks and that she's actively working to keep up her cheerful and friendly persona. Her stabbing Adam with her trident was a nice start, but after Lute killed Dazzle and seriously endangered Vaggie, this should've been the moment Charlie decided "Alright that's it, no more Miss Nice Girl, I didn't want this to end in bloodshed but these assholes are going down." This should've been the moment where the gloves come off. How much more impactful would it be if Charlie was the one beating down Adam but stopping before killing him? If the show made it clear Charlie could murder this asshole, but she doesn't, because she's still better than he ever will be. What a way to show that Charlie truly does believe in the good in everyone or at least still believes in non-lethal solutions to the conflict between Heaven and Hell! But nope, Charlie gets two badass moments, then is banished to the side-lines and to the role of damsel Lucifer has to save and who has to be the metaphorical angel on Lucifer's shoulder who stops him from offing Adam (for some reason). If we needed to get Lucifer involved, maybe have him show up earlier to help the Hotel but get hurt somehow, forcing and motivating Charlie to step up as the future ruler of Hell. Speaking of-

Why the fuck was Lucifer so late to the fight??? Yeah yeah, I know, depressed shut-in, but in "More Than Anything" he literally calls Charlie "the only thing worth fighting for" in Hell. He knew the Extermination was coming. Yeah, maybe Charlie didn't tell him that the trial in Heaven went south and that Adam's Exorcists were going to target the Hazbin Hotel, but you'd think he'd have noticed something was up??? More importantly, if he really wanted to support Charlie's dream of saving the sinners in Hell, why didn't he take part in the battle from the start??? Why didn't Charlie ask him to fight alongside her??? Yeah, Charlie is reluctant to ask Lucifer for anything because they don't have the best relationship, but we've had an entire fucking episode of them growing closer and Lucifer assuring Charlie he'd help her. And this wasn't just a matter of pride, Charlie's friends and her girlfriend were in danger of getting killed, you're telling me she'd choose her own hang-up over all of them??? "But if Lucifer was there, the fight would've been over too quick-" refer to the previous point. Angels can be hurt and killed by angelic weaponry, there were like over a hundred Exorcists on that battlefield and don't tell me Adam would be above fighting dirty by attacking while Lucifer is distracted. There. Easy way to take Lucifer out of the fight and make way for Charlie.

Not a fan of how Cherri Bomb x Sir Pentious was bullrushed in this last episode. Yeah, we established Pentious likes her, but Cherri had like no interest in him until Angel commented he might have two dicks. Which, I guess her being after a purely physical relationship could work, but we all know that's not what Pentious wants. Their "romance" gives "He Was a Boy She Was a Girl" vibes. Like Velvette and Valentino, nothing in the episode would've been lost if that particular plot-line was dropped.

"The future of Hell belongs to the Vees" Yeah but does it though? Does it? Sorry, but I'm having a hard time taking these three seriously as a threat. Vox got effortlessly trounced by Alastor (and contrary to what the Vees believe he isn't missing, he came back), Velvette talked a big game about fighting the Exorcists but then did absolutely nothing and Val would eat dirt so fast against anyone who can actually fight back. Plus "Overlords hanging by a thread"? Which Overlords, exactly? Alastor? He's not dead and like previously stated, he's not 'missing'. Rosie, Carmilla, Zestial and the rest of the Overlords are just fine, the Extermination was centered around the Hazbin Hotel this time, no other turf even got scratched. "Nature abhors a power vacuum" What power vacuum? Again, no Overlords even died! No territory outside the hotel was destroyed! Are they just on a high from Alastor's supposed disappearance? I hope that's it, because otherwise damn, you three fucking suck at being Overlords.

[super-paper]

How do you think toshi reaching the tomura vs izuku fight would go? For his next "role" in this arc, would he be there physically, through his aura might, or some other way? Id love to see him talk to tomura and witness izukus I am here! moment, but im guessing all that will happen in the vestige world, since he doesnt seem to be near them and idek if he can walk at all in order to reach them. (Additionally, I also hope izuku and toshi will get to have a proper, private and emotional talk after all this. For my dadmight feels ㅜㅜ since their reunion in 327 was honestly disappointing but we'll see!)

Can't say for certain at this point, but I feel like OFAFO shenanigans are going to happen and Toshi's momentary manifestation as a "full" vestige is going to end up being relevant (possibly through giving him the ability to "see" the other vestiges and what's happening in the vestige world instead of merely "feeling" it, the same way Tomura is now able to see them due to the resonance between OFAFO).

Before that, I also think that it's possible that the fight is going to be brought a little bit closer to where Toshi is-- Tomura is playing it cool atm ("No no no this is fine I'll just break them all as many times as it takes :) :) :) *very conspicuously scratching his neck*), but both he and AFO are currently malding over the fact that Toshi and Bakugo were saved, and I feel like this "mutual" hatred is gonna be part of what lets AFO take over Tomura again-- and after this happens, I wouldn't be surprised if he starts heading towards Toshi again.

Kurogiri/Aizawa also seem like they're going to play a big role by using erasure/warp at a key moment (probably to stop Tomurafo from unleashing a mass decay-wave in an attempt to kill everyone in the area?), so they're both kind of a wild card that could potentially warp Toshi closer to Tomura/Izuku or warp him away if need be.

(Additionally, I also hope izuku and toshi will get to have a proper, private and emotional talk after all this. For my dadmight feels ㅜㅜ since their reunion in 327 was honestly disappointing but we'll see!)

Yeah, same. Looking at the Iron Might chapters as a whole, I feel like the lack of a heart-to-heart between Toshi and Izuku regarding their falling out during the dark hero arc might've been intentional. Toshi attempting to kill himself to protect Izuku reads as the consequence of these two not sitting down to actually talk about their feelings imo:

So I definitely think we'll be getting an open and honest conversation between the two before the story ends. Toshi is more to Izuku than just his mentor, and Izuku is more to Toshi than just his disciple-- and them breaking free from the obligations that come with "being a symbol/hero/mentor/ect" should be cathartic for them both & allow them to both be more honest with themselves/each other and the fact that they both just want to be a part of each other's lives. Even if Toshi has nothing left to teach, even if Izuku doesn't have OFA.

[mahapralanya]

I have been reading the From Lostbelt manga translations and my mind got absolutely fixated on these panels from chapter 11.

This isn't the only time that cannibalism is invoked as part of the process of Arjuna Alter's ascension to godhood. He acknowledges it during his interlude:

"The battle where everything spiraled out of control. A great war in which god, man and beast were liquified into sludge. I then consumed that sludge, slurping it down as if it were soup. Forgive me, that was just a figure of speech. Truthfully, what I actually did was far worse." (Source)

Although he doesn't say it with his own words, the implication is there - that was just a figure of speech; what I actually did was far worse.

This, combined with the manga panels, made me think many thoughts.

The first thing that caught my attention was the lack of gloves; we almost never see Arjuna not wearing them, and the image of seeing his bare hands, knowing how princely and royal he is, comes as striking. This, along with the focus given on his hand gestures, makes me feel like I am witnessing something that shouldn't be seen - something intimate.

And it got more intimate when I realized that it looked like he wasn't wearing any clothes. There is nothing covering him, at least from the angle we get. It might be a stretch, but I do believe that he was naked there.

Nakedness implies intimacy, but it can be translated into other things as well; in this case, I think about vulnerability, transformation/rebirth, and returning/embracing nature.

The first one should be obvious enough - humans are pretty frail without clothes, and it is far easier to hurt yourself if there's nothing protecting you. Clothing keeps us safe from the extremes of both heat and cold, and in the context of a war, paired with armor, they exist to keep one alive.

The other two things are closely tied, although I do see them as being different enough to be listed separately.

We are all born naked - and in this moment, the key point to the lostbelt's existence, Arjuna is going through a transformation, a rebirth process. He has discarded the things that made him human and is going to grow stronger, the result different from the Arjuna that he used to be.

For this to happen, he also had to embrace his own human nature, flawed and fragile, exposing himself, offering his body and soul to the earth and gods that made him what he is, embracing his primal instincts.

Every creature needs to eat.

Cannibalism in art can have many readings, and has been used as a metaphor for many things, ranging from love, depravity, and hate. Eating something because you love it so much you want to become one with it, being overcome with desire that you must eat the other to saciate your hunger, consuming your enemies so you can absorb their strength and laugh as they are reduced to nothing more than fuel to your body.

It is usually something very violent.

While not fully shown, it is easy to imagine the process of eating an entire being with one's bare hands to be a messy ordeal. Killing by itself is already dirty and violent enough, but eating one's own kill like an animal is truly something else.

It makes me wonder about how broken Arjuna's mind was at the time, as he accepted the need to do something so extreme. Baring himself, tearing the gods apart with his own hands, taking them bite after bite, enduring the taste and the sin.

The third panel says more than enough.

He hated it.

This also reminded me of a certain piece of information delivered to us during LB4: he refused to devour and absorb Karna, even after effectively killing him with his noble phantasm.

While the story paints it as a sign of Arjuna's distastes for Karna as his rival, I never really bought into that explanation. Thinking deeper, I do believe that there were other factors that played a role in this decision.

If he truly hated Karna, I believe he would have eaten him - it would have been the ultimate demonstration of power, and to devour him after killing him in his own terms would be incredibly cathartic... In theory.

One could say he was far too removed from his humanity to care about his feelings for Karna, but we know that this isn't exactly true either; it is Karna, after all, that ends up being able to reach Arjuna's core, his humanity, which he hadn't truly lost but actually buried away, hidden deep under his skin.

I believe he spared Karna as a call for help.

Arjuna Alter's origin story is nothing more than a tragic tale, full of trauma and horrible, complicated feelings. He wants to get rid of it all, to discard and erase them away - to remake the world over and over, until there are no traces of suffering, of the things he lost, the sins he commited.

But it's impossible to erase one's own flawns; in Arjuna's mentality, that would mean erasing himself. Karna says so directly to his face, making him confront himself and do some actual self reflection after centuries of denial.

Of course, this doesn't mean that other characters wouldn't have been able to figure this out themselves and have this dialogue with him; however, having it coming from Karna hits him different. It makes him realize how far he has come, to the point that he isn't, as he directly says shortly before dying, the man he used to be.

Arjuna never wanted to become evil. He never wanted to lose his humanity. All those violent things he did, stripping himself from who he was raised to be, it was all an act of desperation.

He never wanted to lose his ties with Karna, as severing them would make his world imperfect, exposing him to the flaws that are his own feelings, the fact that he isn't as emotionally detached as he wanted to become.

Karna needed to exist to save Arjuna from himself. Karna needed to exist to become his downfall.

Arjuna Alter, unconsciously, bared himself to be devoured by Karna, as only destruction could be his salvation now.

And Karna saved Arjuna, both god and human, at the end of the world.

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

Before I go into a long series of analyses on basically everything textual in Arknights to a certain point there's one complaints I wanted to bring up with the new arc

It's very weird how little anything that happened in Chapter 9 matters to the rest of the story

I really like Chapter 9 for what it's worth. I found it to be an honestly pretty focused story that's much more intelligently and compassionately written as the beginning of an arc than Chapters 0-1 were for the Reunion Arc. But I can't help but feel like Chapter 9 isn't a chapter doing any set-up for the chapters that come after it. Chapter 9 isn't about the Victorian Succession crisis as it unfolds in Chapters 10 and 11, not really. It's about something else.

If you removed Chapter 9 from the game, very little would have to change in order to make it work. You would pretty much just not have the emotional context for Mandragora's death by Manfred. Rita/Horn still fits in her role quite admirably, as does Dublinn in general because it basically doesn't have a role. Rhodes Island was always going to go to Londinium anyways, regardless of Dublinn's involvement, and so far there hasn't been any real cathartic resolution for Misery.

I know that Eblana shows up for real in Chapter 12 and I know that Dublinn matters to the story, but it's less about Dublinn being important (and it's not for Chapter 10 and doesn't exist in 11), but it's about how County Hillock basically...doesn't exist past Chapter 9. No more time gets spared regarding the Taran-Victorian conflict because the Sarkaz-Victorian conflict needs to take center stage. Mandragora, who in Chapter 9 is shown to be pretty on-par with both Horn and Bagpipe and maybe even stronger, gets completely punked by Manfred in Chapter 10 while Horn gets a much more sympathetically written fight.

Especially since the Taran conflict gets expanded upon...not in a dedicated story chapter, but in a side event. What The Firelight Casts is very good, but to me it kind of underlines the extent to which it feels like what was written in Chapter 9 is getting pushed out of the way for the Sarkaz crisis.

I'm willing to be surprised at any rate and it's possible I'm still a little bitter over how Chapter 10 plays out but that's my peace on the whole thing.

[newgrangespirals]

Steddie Role Play

I have read a lot of Steddie fics since season 4 premiered last year, however one thing that I have not seen a lot of is Steve and Eddie roleplaying during sex. Not kink, not dom/sub stuff, but legit roleplay. Knights and princes and story lines with characters. You really expect me to believe that Eddie would not be so into that. He is a DnD nerd who saw a real life version of Aragorn rip a bat in half with his bare hands; he would want to act out Arwen and Aragorn’s scenes from Lord of the Rings. 

Steve would absolutely go along with this. We see in seasons 1-3 he is perfectly able to act silly to make the person he is with feel better. He accepts thing really easily; he would think for a moment after Eddie hesitantly bringing it up and then nod and ask how Eddie wants do do this, does he need to buy a sword? He would definitely role play the lost king of Gondor for his nerdy boyfriend, a banished prince rescuing a bard from angry villagers, or a knight rescuing a damsel from a tower.

Eddie has spent his life reading and acting out fantasy stories, then he saw a very pretty boy actually behave like the rugged, burdened heroes he has been reading about since he was a kid. He would definitely want to role play. I don't even think it would be completely about sex. He would get to into the story. They sex would happen sure, they are both young and attractive, but they actualization of his fantasies would eclipse the sex part and having a handsome prince or knight save him from danger would be cathartic and satisfy something deep down that he didn’t even know he needed. 

Eddie would not be able to get over how lucky he is that his hot jock boyfriend is silly enough to role play fantasy stories with him. No one would believe him. He tried to tell the Corroded Coffin boys once after the asked about a bruise that he got falling of a table that they were pretending was a wizard’s tower that Steve had to rescue Eddie from. They thought it was from BDSM stuff, they would believe that; however, they have a hard time believing that Steve “the Hair” Harrington was pretending to be Stefan the Gallant, a knight errant that had to rescue the talented bard Edgar from an evil wizard that wanted to steal his voice and keep him captive for nefarious purposes. They only believe Eddie when Steve arrives to pick him up from band practice with a gash on his forearm and when they ask about it he says that he got it from his sword after truing to catch Eddie before he fell of the table (sorry the evil wizard Bragmar’s tower).

I just really want some fics that lean into the fact the Eddie is a fantasy nerd, and Steve is a boyfriend that does what he can to make his partner happy. I also think he would get really into it and find out he loves it as much as Eddie. I would satisfy his need to be the protector, without all the danger of the Upside Down or Russians.

[sburbian-sage]

Sorry, bit of a long-ass vent post with little point ahead.

Knight of Time here. Session also includes a Heir of Space, Scout of Mind, Rogue of Heart, Mage of Life, and a player that I'm having some trouble with, our Seer of Light.

Me and the Seer are both very experienced. Everyone else is pretty new to replaying, and they all really look up to us. But me and the Seer don't really get along at all.

They tend to give a lot of advice that I think is really double edged, weird, or just plain wrong. Like, they once told the Heir that Space is "all about loneliness" so the Heir should avoid trying to become friends with anybody. Which like... Where do I even start, right?

Obviously there's a nugget of truth in there. I've heard SOME people say that Space CAN be associated with loneliness, but the end conclusion is a recipe for disaster.

But hey, I'm a Time player. What the fuck do I know about Space. Maybe I'm the idiot, sure. And maybe I'm wrong about a bunch of the stuff they've said that I thought was wrong. Who knows!

What I do know is that the Seer needs to STOP telling me how to play MY classpect, or I'm gonna blow a fuse.

They drone on and on about how Knights are "always using their aspect as a shield to hide something about themselves", which, like, is a theory I've heard before, and might even be right. But fucker, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD BE HIDING. I can't have the cathartic feelings jam they keep condescendingly angling for, but if I could, I wouldn't have it with THEM anyway.

Also, nearly every idea they have about Time sounds like a doomed timeline in potentia.

I keep telling them to leave me alone, I keep telling everyone to be careful taking their advice, I keep explaining and reexplaining how to avoid doomed timelines. But nobody gets it. Least of all the Seer themself, who often gives me a shitty little smirk and tells me "This is a game about maturing, you'll get it once you grow up a little more".

I don't want to like, go full-bore on turning everybody against them or anything. Hell, they ARE a Seer of Light, advising is much more their role than mine, it's possible that they really ARE right about a lot of what they say, and I've deluded myself into thinking they're an idiot.

But I don't understand how to handle it at this point. My mind keeps tossing out conspiracy theories like "what if they haven't been replaying as long as they say", "what if they're TRYING to kill us with bad advice", stuff like that.

I'm sorry, I don't even know what my question is. I guess "how do I put up with this", but I guess that it'll always come down to that, and the answer is usually to just try and go numb to it. At least typing all this out made me feel a little better.

I need you to send my an invoice for my medical bill, because I cringed so hard I may have damaged organs.

Okay, obviously there's some Dunning-Kruger going on here. This person matured a little bit, but now they think they're the master of maturity, own-zoning emotionally stunted sboobs with their sage advice (no relation), ass famine, etc. etc. But that bit about "Knights act like this and Space players do that" hurts me personally. It's rich to say this as someone who writes guides as a sort of vocation, but I think reading too many guides gives you brain damage. This is evident here, where not only is the Seer of Light engaging in some hardcore secondhand classpecting, but is also giving very by-the-books canned advice on the narrative arc of certain titles, with equally dubious advice to adhere to it as inauthentically artificially as possible. I need to stress how much I hate this, it's like I'm a well-respected biology professor at Clown University, and I'm watching this fresh new bio student completely jettison the worth of my degree by delivering a sermon on how correct phrenology is, I'm vomiting blood right now.

Sadly, I think you're right in that you just have to ignore them. They seem pretty set in being the Grand Master of SBURB, I don't think a conversation can help them out of it (outside of saying "if you tell me how to play my class I will dropkick you in the head"). And if their advice really is that bad, maybe let it blow up in their face a little bit. I don't doubt that the Heir of Space will eventually try contacting you or someone else when they realize how miserable and difficult being a loner is, and they'll see pretty quickly that they do indeed not have to be lonely to "fulfill their aspect" or whatever. If you're not too averse to seeing your own dead body, maybe try taking their advice on time travel, and then point towards the doomed timeclones and say "like that, right?". I think they'll fizzle out once people start realizing how bad the advice is, and will maybe calm down and be less imperious about it. Or they'll go nuts, take direct action because they know best (as Seers are wont to do, not that I as a Sage know anything about that), and watch as their advice literally blows up in their face. And then they'll probably chill out afterwards, because that's what happens when you fuck up and disappoint everyone during an ego-trip. Then things will go hunky-dory!

Alternatively, their advice does work, in which case the problem solves itself! Don't ever admit you were wrong though, otherwise you consign yourself to a hell most eternal. Just nod and say "yeah, look at that" or something.

[fuscorooni]

Critical Role update: (SPOILERS AHEAD!!!)

Ok, so I’m 35 and a half episodes through campaign one. Super enjoying what I’m watching and I have thoughts:

The demise of the Briarwoods was actually kinda anti-climactic, but I felt super cathartic for Percy.

Side-note: kinda loving that my watch through is coinciding with real-time in that they just celebrated Thanksgiving and are approaching the winter holidays.

These shows simultaneously really make me wanna play D&D but also make me wary of playing a session of D&D that isn’t GM’d by freakin’ master improv actors or professional voice actors.

When it comes to the characters, it’s hard for me to choose a favorite. I love Sam’s earnest RP, how he refuses to metagame and genuinely chooses actions Scanlan would do with the knowledge he has. I love Talesin’s portrayal of Percy’s brilliant wit and ability to say the most absolute BALLER shit on a whim. I love Travis’ Grog, just mental hyper violence and dumbassery. I love Marisha and Keyleth’s awkwardness. I love Laura and Vex’s absolute dichotomy of “Vex does this thing coolly and calmly” and then Laura’s absolute panic in making that thing happen with her dice and stats. I love Ashley and Pike’s innocence. But I guess my favorite has to be Vax. Liam portrays Vax so consistently and believably, I fear for his well-being any time he gets in trouble. (That whole internal monologue about Vex and Keyleth when he thinks he’s gonna die? Heart wrenching brilliance.)

I do not miss Tiberius. At all.

I like the imagery of Trinket, but am wholeheartedly behind Scanlan anytime he says “let’s leave the bear”.

I love the interactions both between the characters in their situations and the friends around a table playing a game. Totally jealous of their friendships.

Fuck me I have so far to go, they haven’t even hit their one year milestone yet, holy shit.

[dontbotherwiththepronunciation]

Ahhh I want to ask about all of these! But don't feel pressured to answer all- or any if it's too overwhelming :) (Also these are such great titles)

and then, up above, the blinding sun

decapitate me like one of your wildling girls

Dog eats dog.

rib rip

The past is a grotesque animal

They will take their grievances with them; to their graves

Tiberius my poor little son of a bitch

Again, thank you. This is very kind. Embarrassing, but sweet.

and then, up above, the blinding sun A continuation of another thing I wrote a little more than a year ago. Basically, it's Jeyne P reuniting with some people who seem to have played (in my opinion) interesting roles in her storyline, that is Arya, Walda, Sansa, Sandor and Beth + her relationship with Theon, this time more resentful, but still loving. The political plot lacks credibility and most of the relationships are conflicting. I know most of us want Jeyne to have a happy ending, often pictured with Theon or Sansa, but I think that she has the right to feel very conflicted about those two persons in particular and could eventually develop some misplaced anger. A friend has been reading it and she said it felt a bit like a coming-of-age story.

decapitate me like one of your wildling girls Stupid name for my take on Jon meeting and intending to behead Theon, but narrated and witnessed through Qarl the Maid (who isn't very fond of Theon but knows Asha loves him), Alysane Mormont (who also doesn't like Theon but is concerned about "Arya's" wellbeing ) and Justin Massey (who feels ambivalent but thinks keeping Theon alive might be useful). The three POVs are supposed to try to advocate for Jon to pardon Theon, but it's difficult when the only attachment they feel to that cause is as a proxy for other affections/political plans.

Dog eats dog. Character study type of thing about characters associated to dogs who are somehow involved in Theon's narrative. I don't know how to explain this very well but I just really love how the dog theme plays so ambiguously in ASOIAF's northern/Theon plot. On the one hand, you have Ramsay who has been referred to as a "Mad dog" and seems to want to spread this diagnosis by hunting and raping women and then also letting them be practically reborn as hounds that will perpetuate that circle of violence. You have him incorporating Theon & Jeyne into his bitches, Jeyne's life is saved both times by people who have dog imagery associated with them, Theon beheads Farlen, the kennel master, only to then be made to sleep with the dogs and also remark on Ramsay's kennel master, Ben Bones, in a somewhat sympathetic way and there is even more. So essentially, character study fanfics about Farlen, Palla, Ramsay's girls, Ben Bones, Jeyne, Sandor and Theon.

rib rip I feel like I'll get in trouble for this one, so I want to clarify: I DO NOT WANT THIS TO HAPPEN IN CANON AT ALL. With that said it's about Jeyne dying from her broken ribs on the way to the Wall. Theon's story already has a lot of women suffering for the sake of his narrative and I wouldn't want to add even more of that, but I wrote this while mourning and it was somewhat cathartic.

The past is a grotesque animal TheonJeyne (interpretative dynamic) and Theon's paranoia over not confronted guilt, all the things that lead to his downfall and Jeyne not knowing any of it, but beginning to show curiosity. Mild psychological horror over fear of abandonment.

They will take their grievances with them; to their graves Barbrey, her grey-eyed lords, her centaurs, and her fellow wannabe starks through the years. Just her life. Those big semi-biographical one-shots that are just a large character study with a bunch of headcanons camouflaged as a fanfic.

Tiberius my poor little son of a bitch I think I mentioned how GRRM based Stannis of Tiberius, but Tiberius is a much darker character. After the only two people whom he felt loved by (his brother Drusus and his wife Vipsania) are separated from him, he becomes despicable and ruins every single other relationship in his life. This is supposed to be about three other people who actually loved him, even if he became a monster, and were pushed aside by him. His mother, Livia, whom he begrudged for having pushed him into becoming emperor and suspected to have killed Drusus. He refused to see her on her deathbed. His son, Castor, whom he resented for reminding him of Vipsania and refused to listen to him about Sejanus (who was planning a coup against Tiberius). Castor is poisoned by Sejanus after being rejected and mocked by his father. His nephew, Germanicus, Tiberius' true and loyal military commander, whom he envies terribly because he is extremely popular while Tiberius is hated. His envy turns into paranoia into plotting and allowing his death.

[dexadin]

hi! i saw your rb of the response to your strahdyana post where you mentioned in the tags that your strahd is trans masc, and i was wondering if you could talk a little more abt that? i'm a trans masc dm preparing to run cos for some friends and i've thought about idea before but it's so validating to hear it from someone else too! how did you decide on it, & how has it affected how you run/characterize him?

sometimes i sit on an ask for a month because i want to think of a good answer and then i come back to it like damn… their campaign's over fr…..but hopefully this will be of some help!!

so truthfully, I sat on this ask for so long because I was trying to put into words how my Strahd's transmasculinity affects him and could only think of concrete evidence of his transness coming up when the party gets a really good bit going. Not jokes about Strahd being a trans man, of course, but jokes that are only funny when A. Strahd is trans and B. almost all of the party is trans both ic and ooc (you may be familiar with our 'down with cis carriage' meme).

a lot of reflection with @runekept and reading of strahd metaanalysis from the CoS reddit has led me to believe that my idea of strahd actually is deeply affected by his (and my) transmasculinity. To start out, this interpretation does rely on at least some amount of passive transphobia and historically outdated gender roles. Obviously, games where trans people are immediately accepted and able to transition without any social barriers or difficulty are great, but I typically play games with a player-approved amount of social barriers because we find it cathartic, so that's where I'm coming from.

Below the cut is a lot of me playing 4D gender chess with Strahd von Zarovich, spoilers for Strahd's backstory below!

I've talked before about how I think that Strahd works best when his desire to possess Tatyana, and the metaphor for his vampirism, is a desperate attempt to cling to his bygone youth, something he was fiercely jealous of Sergei about. I think this is an interesting and humanizing angle to take any Strahd, but I think that this is particularly compelling with a trans Strahd. It shifts his desire away from vanity and entitlement, and highlights his struggle to live up to the standards of masculinity set by his neglectful father in wartime. Like, if you're trans and are in the community, you know or know of a trans guy just like that: a guy who does misogynistic, even homophobic and transphobic things in the name of being 'macho', things that he feels will earn him conditional respect in the eyes of cis male society. In doing so, he may or may not earn that conditional respect, but he does lose the respect and companionship of people who would have otherwise supported him and shared in his experiences. Strahd read so easily and so clearly to me as That Guy, and of 3/4 of my players being trans, I thought it'd be fun to interpret Strahd as trans.

In "I, Strahd," we learn that the oldest son of a family is destined for military greatness, and the youngest to be a healer. Of course, this is a lot of pressure to put on any young man, but imagine the pressure that put on baby transmasc Strahd! In transitioning, he is not just becoming a man, but the Oldest Son, a role that requires skill and violence and training. His parents are relying on him to protect their country and conquer new lands. The internalized message he learns is that for him, masculinity and respect is equal to conquest. He makes his entire identity being a war general for his parents' kingdom, and spends his entire young adult life battling for and conquering Barovia. He throws away any chance he had to make friends or find love in his formative years because it was too dangerous for a military man to let himself be swayed by emotion. By the time his young brother Sergei comes by, with all his youth and all the gentleness and charm of a cleric, Strahd is a battleworn man well into his 40s. When Tatyana chooses Sergei over Strahd, Strahd perceives it as being not necessarily because Sergei is cisgender, but specifically because of the youth, the gentleness, the humanity that Sergei posesses-- qualities that Strahd surrendered in lieu of earning respect and masculinity.

In Strahd's warped vision, everything is about conquest. He is incapable of valuing people beyond the concept of loss and victory. Having love, having a wife, is a marker of masculinity that he believes he "earned." He believes he should have "won" Tatyana because he worked so hard to be a man. This sense of conquest is also seen with his coterie of brides. They're a bunch of people he took on romantically to emulate his desire To Have a Wife without having any true attachment to them beyond being the trophies of masculinity that he believes he is entitled to. He continues to pursue Tatyana (regardless of whether you play Strahd as actually romantically interested in her) because to him, she is a prize that is always just beyond his grasp. If he had played the game a little bit better, if he had been a bit more the man his father wanted him to be, maybe he could have her. So he keeps playing the game, cursed to lose her forever, because the game was never real. His goal of being a 'real man' would never be attainable in his own eyes. Strahd cannot win.

I don't know if any of this is immediately apparent when I play him. But it gives him a bit of depth when you're considering his reactions to the party. In ATSBB, his pursuit of Vanya (an explicitly trans character) is made richer when you consider Strahd's own relationship to gender. In @runekept's word's. their relationship has "an agonizingly tragic edge of you're like me, you understand me, we understand each other in a way no one else can because we're both different and that means I cannot let you go." It is this desperate pursuit to cling onto something he feels only missed because of his dedication to Winning Masculinity. Strahd is the portrait of a man who led himself to ruin because of how badly he craved approval that he would never get where he sought it, but he could have gotten easily if he'd looked anywhere else. He lost his chance to be a human in his pursuit of being his father's son. This makes him no less evil, but makes him pitiful--a picture perfect gothic villain.

I hope that any of this was even mildly coherent. Unfortunately, the times I notice Strahd being trans most is when we say that Strahd could fix Vallaki if he outlawed being cisgender. Feel free to let me know if there's anything you think I missed and I will try to answer in a more timely manner LOL