#just like they'll never fully forgive each other either

[just-jordie-things]

K so like its night time and y/n is cuddling with megumi and yuji barges in and sees them both and is like “You’re cuddling with megumi are you guys dating?! :O” then the next day everyone is just asking you “aRe YoU rEaLlY dAtInG mEgUmI???” By the way i love your posts❤️

megumi is just so perfect for secret dating bc he would beg you to keep your relationship a secret, like, right off the bat. like before you're even official- probably before he's even confessed.

omg.

megumi coming to you in a panic and it worries you bc you don't often see him stressed and the boy looks like he's about to pop a blood vessel and you're being so sweet to him meanwhile he's grabbing you by the hands and making you swear to not speak a word of this to yuji or nobara- and definitely not gojo. poor confused you are like "ok sure but what are you talking about??" oops megumi forgot about the part where he's supposed to tell you how much he likes you and thinks that you should give him a chance at making you happy- but we all know that goes well because you're literally in love with him already adlhgkajflkgh

and for a while you're pretty good at sneaking around, because it's sort of fun actually. every secret look or note passed has your heart racing and you wouldn't have it any other way, as long as you have each other.

but after a few months the two of you get fully settled with one another and you start to slip up. with megumi pulling your chair out for you or holding the door for you but not the others, you start to get a few questioning looks. and you might have called him megs in front of the others one time- he might not forgive you for that one because now everyone calls him that to get on his nerves... oops.

it's not like either of you are trying to get caught, you both enjoy the benefits of dating in secret so much, you don't necessarily want to give that up. the others will definitely berate and interrogate you one day for keeping your relationship a secret for so long, but... it's just so nice.

"maybe we tell them when we graduate?" you hum, trying to brainstorm with your boyfriend to find the proper way to break the news.

megumi's chest rumbles under your cheek when he groans. if it were up to him, no one would ever know. surely he could have a successful relationship with you that way, right? it's been easy enough to cover it up so far, surely you could elope and build a life together in secret as well? shit, would gojo take it personally if he didn't tell him he was getting married? suddenly his mind is swarming with what a secret private wedding would look like, meanwhile you're laying against him in sielnce waiting for his response.

"megs..?" you call softly, trying to draw him out of his thoughts.

"maybe we fake our deaths. relocate. how's italy sound?"

you chuckle, tilting your head back to peer up at him.

"you're afraid of gojo, aren't you?" you hum knowingly. megumi glances down at you briefly, looking away as soon as you wiggle your eyebrows. you chuckle again.

"i'd be open to other places, too" he continues his thought.

"i think we should just rip it off like a bandaid," you ignore his getaway plan. "tell them we're together and have been all year. then if they have questions-"

"i'm not answering their questions" his voice is a mere whisper, as not to disturb the calming atmosphere you've created, but his words are final. you tap your finger against his chest a few times.

"i'll answer the questions then, you can just... stand there"

"do i even have to be there?"

"i don't think they'll believe me if you aren't" you giggle at the idea of trying to convince them that yes that stoic moody boy is actually a complete romantic towards you and you never thought a love like yours could be possible.

"are you saying our friends don't think i'm boyfriend material?" he asks, and you know he's baiting you, but you're honest with him anyways.

"that's exactly what i'm saying," you say, grinning up at him despite the scowl of fake hurt on his face. "but i know otherwise"

"fine. we'll tell them. and then you can answer the questions. and i'll... be there. for emotional support"

you giggle some more, tucking yourself further against him while he stares at the ceiling in despair. he already knows all of the questions your friends are going to ask and he can't help but dread them in advance. still, it will be nothing compared to the interrogation he'll surely receive from his guardian, later, when you aren't around to protect him (and his dignity)

"it'll be nice to be able to just say we're going on a date instead of you faking to be sick and me pretending i'm on an assignment. sneaking around was fun and all but..." you trail off, and megumi averts his gaze from the plain ceiling, peeking down at you where you nuzzle into the soft fabric of his sweatshirt. he knows you're going to fall asleep on him, because you always do, but he doesn't mind. even if it makes his arm fall asleep. "i don't want to hide how much i love you anymore"

and then his escape plan sounds silly when you put it like that. so he hugs you tighter against him as you start to drift off- he can tell as your head feels a little heavier against his collar- and he brushes his lips over the crown of your head.

"i love you too, sweetheart," he murmurs. "we'll tell them as soon as you want"

he just wasn't expecting the moment to be ruined by his door slamming open and your friends inviting themselves in, only to be shocked at the scene they interrupted.

queue the noisy accusations and questions. megumi tries not to say i told you so as you tiredly sit up and rub your eyes so you can answer all of your friends' curiosities, while he pulls the blanket over his head and tries to pretend he wasn't there.

of course he doesn't want to hide that he loves you... but for fucks' sake do they have to do this here and now????

[soulatus]

Bros the type of guy...

Malleus Draconia

bros the type of guy to visit you at midnight to see if you're awake and if you were, he'd asked you if you'd like take a walk with him and you feel safe knowing he's there with you when you both take a midnight stroll while holding hands (and because no one is dumb enough to attack him)

bros the type of guy who would try to help you study and is very patient about it and understanding. he's never irritated if you're slow at learning or struggling to memorise, he'll take his time with you (as it is also an opportunity for him to spend quality time with you) and try to explain and teach you things

bros the type of guy to trust you with his tamagotchi, gao gao-kun when he's really busy and is unable to tend to his virtual pet. if you also have one, he'd do the same for you if you're unable to care for yours either

bros the type of guy to use "love", "my love", "dearest" as petnames

bros the type of guy to brush a strand of hair out of your face in the morning when you're still asleep, leaning down to kiss your forehead and stroke your cheek

bros the type of guy to bring you up in conversations with zero awareness of him doing so such as "ah yes, i remember the prefect talking about this. perhaps I'll get it as a gift." "the prefect enjoys this activity as well, it's quite endearing seeing how cheerful they get when it comes to it." prefect this, prefect that

bros the type of guy to send you letters when you're both far apart from each other since he has no knowledge on how technology works. his letters are always so sweet and heartwarming. he'll mention things that remind him of you, and how he wishes to bring you with him next time

bros the type of guy to randomly kiss you when you rant about something you're interested in and as he listens, his eyes trail down to your lips and without a second thought, he bends down to peck them. it catches you off guard, with you going "huh?? what was that about???" he simply smiles and says, "forgive me, i couldn't resist myself. please continue with what you were saying, my love."

bros the type to be a little jealous. not in a way that it's unhealthy, he would trust you and fully believes you love him just as he loves you and he would never stop you from having friends and spending time with them. i feel like the most he'd do is get a little pouty and try to spend more time with you, you were his first friend and first love, he just loves you a lot. he wouldn't get jealous much if people hit on you because he knows you wouldn't indulge them nor cheat but will intervene if they start going too far and making you uncomfortable but that's assuming there's actually people bold enough to even try to flirt with you if they know Malleus is your boyfriend otherwise if not, they'll find out once they see him approaching when they do too much

bros the type of guy who'd love being both being big spoon and little spoon

bros the type of guy to hold your hand while sitting next to you and say, "I'm here, love" when you're upset and/or crying. you can lean against him or even embrace him and he'll do the same thing back because he loves you. he's a great listener and will do whatever you ask him to do try and help you through whatever you're going through and may even ask Lilia for some advice unless you didn't want him to tell Lilia about it or something that could hint to you being upset

bros the type of guy who'll get anything that interests you and would also gift you some of the rarest rocks, stones or crystals on the damn planet

bros the type of guy to keep everything you give him, whether it may be considered junk or not. he'll keep it like it's treasure and will get upset if any of it goes missing. even if you tell him it's fine, he'll feel bad it's missing because anything you give him, he cherishes

bros also the type of guy to literally wear a friendship/love bracelet or necklace everyday if you ever decide to match with him and he would never take it off and would refuse to do so. only exceptions is necessary like cooking or showering/bathing or in a situation it could get ruined

bros the type of guy to listen to everything you tell him, even if it's just about drama, something random, or your interests. even if he doesn't understand nor isn't interested in the topic it itself, he would always listen because he loves to listen to you talk and knowing what makes you happy just as you do the same for him

bros the type of guy who doesn't really dwell on the fact that you are human and therefore have a shorter life span than he does. he's probably has moments when he thinks about how short your life span is and the fact that one day he'll lose you and he's afraid of it happening. otherwise at the same time, it's more of a reason to really cherish every moment. rather than focusing on his worries and fears of losing you, he spends every moment he can with you, spending quality time together and makes sure you know he absolutely loves you and how much you mean to him

bro highly appreciates you as a person, his friend/lover. you make him feel like he's not alone, and you are his whole world. bro would defend you with his life if anyone had something against you, would always support you, always there for you, listen, spend times with and would love you endlessly

I'm hopeless man

[masterjedilenawrites]

Omg I am in love with your work and you are an amazing writer and I wish I could do that!!!! But anyway, what about the clones reactions to having a soldier s/o? Or maybe their reactions to their soldier s/o being injured in combat? (If you're comfortable with that). Thanks!!!

Do you mind if I add some of the lesser-known clones into this as well? 😁

Rex, Tup, and Fives would be constant nervous wrecks if their S/O was a soldier or had to be in combat for some reason. They would not be able to focus on their own tasks and may even be pulled off duty by their supervisors if they couldn't find a way to compose themselves. They would just be so concerned something bad would happen; they put their S/O's well-being above all else. If their S/O did get injured, they'd never forgive themselves and would be glued to their side until they recovered.

Wolffe, Hardcase, and Mayday would actually be distracted for... other reasons. They'd be so turned on by a partner all decked out in fighting gear and weapons. Seeing them hold their own out on a battlefield, regardless what their position or specialty is, really gets them going. Of course they still worry deep down, and will definitely keep an eye on them as best they can, but they also trust their partner is well-trained and capable, and let them do their thing. Injuries are addressed with a mixture of soothing and support.

Cody, Neyo, and Howzer like having an S/O who understands their lifestyle, especially if they are assigned to the same unit/missions. All the stresses and horrors, all the training and practice, all the victories and accomplishments... most can go unspoken because they just get each other, they can enjoy a relationship, share a good laugh, without having to explain themselves or make apologies. And if they are ever apart, they'll look forward to swapping war stories. When either themselves or their S/O is injured, they take care of each other with patient, tender care.

Fox, Kix, and Blackout would prefer if their partner was not involved with the war in any capacity, but if they fell for a fighter anyway, they'd still go all-in on the relationship. They'd have discussions early on to go over how they'll stay safe, how to check in with each other on longer missions, plans if a mission goes sideways, etc. They would barely hold themselves together if their S/O ever was injured, insisting they be the ones to try and patch them up, needing to keep busy lest they completely lose it.

Keeli, Thorn, and Gregor are supportive of their S/O's decision to help fight. They'll help them train at home, make sure they're prepared to defend themselves, maybe even come up with some combo moves if they ever get to fight together. R&Rs are only sometimes relaxing, as they both can't help but stay busy with training and taking care of their squads. Depending on the injury, they are either super calm and help patch them up, or they're taking them off grid until they fully heal and can return to battle.

Jesse, Dogma, and Hound are very conflicted over their partner being a soldier. They were created for war, while their partner has so many other opportunities in the galaxy, opportunities they are fighting to keep free. Additionally, their primary duty is to the Republic and whatever mission they're assigned to. As far as they can they'll look out for their S/O, but it'll be a tough thing to balance. They would be torn up by guilt if they ever got injured, especially if they couldn't be with them until the mission was over.

Everything Tag: @damerondala, @dangerousstrawberrypie, @fallingforthem, @harleyevanstan, @imabeautifulbutterfly, @justanothersadperson93, @misogirl828, @itsagrimm, @error6gendernotfound, @theroguesully, @clonesimp, @techie-bear

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[raayllum]

i’m mainly thinking (and hoping) they’ll reconcile pretty quickly because it’s a kids show and i think they’re going to blindside us with sudden angst because it’d really hit harder if they make up and then poof rayla gets kidnapped

I mean I think whatever Rayllum's arc will be, emotionally, won't be bc it's a "kid's show." Like TDP still very much is, even as it's now more so for older kids (middle school) but I don't think that's ever impacted where they let the characters go, emotionally.

However, I do think it's likely they'll reconcile and get back together on the quicker side (aka maybe with just 1 or 2 episodes of conflict about, leaning more towards one) simply because 1) Callum's primary concern is that she was gone and possibly dead and 2) they both still love each other. While I think they'll have disagreements and Callum's anger will justifiably crop up later, I could see him also not dealing with it right away because he has her back and wants to focus on that as well (or more so - lots of big feelings to work through)

I think either situation could be in character, which is really fun, but I am leaning towards a faster "get together" if only because wearing the scarf seems to be connected to it - Callum doesn't wear it in 4x01 but he has it on for most of the trailer, particularly once she's come back. Either Rayla took it and has returned it or Callum feels like he can wear it again bc it reminded him of her ("You've been wearing this scarf for as long as I've known you" was Rayla's line from Through the Moon) and both paths are like... would he be wearing it if he was still Pissed at her and they weren't fully together, right, so? That's kinda where my brain is

I also think that like, one of the big things they have to do if Rayla used against Callum this season (or vice versa or whatever) is reaffirm their love for each other in big ways. Yes they're teenagers but they've always a very mature side to their dynamic, and that is worth doing crazy shit to them for, risking things, dying for each other, etc.

One of the tests they have to pass this season is whether they (really Callum) can move past their separation into forgiveness. I don't think it's gonna be easy, and I think it'll be a process, but Callum being glad and relieved above all else to see her would be a Big way of showing that they love each other unconditionally and that he never wants to live without her if he can help it (he's also just very bad at staying mad at her tbh)

On the one hand if he takes some time to be mad at her / they're not Together together right away, it means he's denying a part of himself, parallels to 2x07-2x09 with Rayla responded to him doing dark magic, and would also provide a conflict resolution if she gets captured (aka "it doesn't matter what you did before, I just want you to be okay again"). I feel like we'll see something almost like in the middle, but who knows! All of them are interesting and emotional paths forward to weep over

[justali-anne]

Undertale: Post-Pacifist Headcanons:

All:

The main characters all live together at first, but after a couple of years, they move into separate houses in the same neighborhood.

They all are either neurodivergent or have serious mental health issues. Some are both!

They think of each other as a family! It's mostly Frisk that fuels this.

After a while, Frisk (with Sans' help) tells everyone about the resets. They don't fully understand it at first, but they do eventually.

Whenever someone dies: "Um, Frisk, can you, um, do the reset thing? (Insert character here) just got run over by a truck."

The humans accepted the monsters. A lot of humans, especially the kids, are actually quite curious about them and their magic. New job opportunities opened up!

Frisk

Non-binary, but isn't strict on pronouns. The others just give Frisk they/them pronouns to avoid confusion.

They can speak, but they also know sign language.

Very curious about the monsters and what they'll do if they act a certain way. They don't have their morals figured out yet.

Genocide Run: BAD IDEA, BAD IDEA! Would never try again. Thankfully reset before they got to Asgore.

They're smart for their age.

They're around 9 or so.

They can act out sometimes due to trauma, and they have childhood PTSD. They have a therapist that gives them tips on how to cope with severe trauma.

Besties with Chara. Never gave up on Flowey. Thinks of the Skelebros as brothers/uncles. Undyne and Alphys are like the gay best friends Frisk never knew they wanted.

Got officially adopted by Toriel, and lives with her. They also go to her school.

Made a friend group at said school, one of their friends being Monster Kid.

They can still SAVE on the surface. This comes in handy when something goes horribly wrong.

Chara:

They're attached to Frisk's soul.

They're morally grey, but they're warming up to Frisk. They're still wary about humans.

They're STRICT with their pronouns! Do NOT misgender them!

They LOVED monsters! After all, they gave them security when they needed it the most. They feel like they're forever in their debt. Part of the reason why they made that plan in the first place.

Back when they were alive, they had severe self-loathing issues, was incredibly reclusive except with their family, and they sometimes expressed their trauma through anger. Sometimes they took it out on Asriel, but they never meant any harm.

They like Frisk's friends.

They only become corrupted when Frisk kills. Luckily, it's not the case on the surface.

Flowey:

A very sarcastic and aggressive, yet insightful and intelligent, little flower.

He's trying his best on the surface, but he can fall back into old habits sometimes.

He obtained a lot of skills from the times he reset.

Also has a lot of trauma, which is reasonable.

He is fond of Papyrus, but was afraid of Sans. They sorted out their differences eventually.

Deep down, he still cares about Toriel and Asgore. He just doesn't know it yet.

He's fond of Frisk too. He still misses Chara. Little does he know they're a lot closer than he thinks...

Still remembers the resets.

Toriel:

Had opened a school for humans and monsters.

She's a teacher and headteacher there.

She doesn't like being called queen anymore, yet some monsters STILL call her that.

Still trying to rekindle her friendship with Asgore. They're on speaking terms on the surface, but it will take a long time for her to forgive him.

Officially adopted Frisk, mentally and emotionally adopted the Skelebros.

Sans and Toriel are besties.

She may be a bit rusty when it comes to social interaction, but she's getting there with the humans.

She still remembers the fallen children. She made a memorial for them to remember them by.

She likes getting wildly drunk. Someone stop this woman.

She has a wild side! Whoo!

Sans:

Autistic and has depression.

His depression is mild enough that he always feels that there's a cloud of hopelessness hanging over him, but he doesn't self-harm nor is he suicidal.

It takes a while for him to accept that there will be no more resets, but after he accepts it, he starts feeling better about his life.

He loves his family dearly. He just shows it in an unconventional way. That is, via pranks and puns.

He cares too much, but he doesn't want anyone to know that, including himself.

Is just a goofy space dork who likes to mess with people.

He gets help for his depression after Frisk reveals the resets to everyone. He was very uncomfortable about that secret being shared. As time goes on, and Sans continues to live on the surface without a reset, Sans starts to recover from his depression, and becomes a lot more playful as a result.

He shares a lot of the same beliefs as Papyrus. He looks up to him SO much.

A sweetheart. Please let him be happy.

Papyrus:

Knows a lot more than he lets on.

Is actually more mature than Sans, believe it or not. Come on, WHO exactly does most of the work around the Skelebros' place anyway?!

His reaction to the resets? "I ALREADY KNOW." Yup, you read that right. How does he know? Flowey.

After the Royal Guard got disbanded, Papyrus started looking into several different potential careers. He goes to college to discover what he can do.

In the meantime, he also works at a waiter at an Italian restaurant. He loves the job!

In his spare time, he goes on rough excursions with Undyne, hangs out with Frisk a lot, and, of course, nags Sans to pick up the sock that he placed in the NEW house.

Papyrus is a goofball who loves MTT and cartoons. He likes some childish things, but that doesn't make him incapable or immature.

He has a bright view on life, and believes in everyone.

Is autistic!

End of Part 1 because I'm tired.

[brianyololau]

11/29/23

Dear Father,

The more I put myself in your shoes, the more disappointed I become.

I can tell you that I'm fine, that I'm over it, but I'm not.

I have yet to feel the full disappointment in you as my father, and the more I open this box, the more I am suffering. Yet, I feel this is something I must see through in order for me to see the truth.

You are trash. See, I am torn between two perspectives. The first is a father who loves his son, though he's not a committed father. The second is the man who has done a lot of wrong that is inexcusable.

You stole money from mom, didn't you?

Once, when I was a kid, she told me a check came home that belonged to her, tax rebate or something I don't remember. It went missing. She initially asked everyone in the household if anyone found the check. You didn't know anything about it.

Mom called the tax department to report it missing. The department told her they'll mail her a new check, but the event will have to go under investigation by the authorities. She warned the household that she's going to report it missing, and an investigation will occur once it happens. That's when you came clean: you stole the money.

I still can't fully understand why you would do that. What kind of a person steals from his wife? A wife whom you share a kid with? Are you that much of a scum bag to steal from your own partner? Are you FUCKING FORREAL?

How am I supposed to forgive that?

From my mother?

That's enough reason to drop you from my life.

Pathetic.

What're you even my father for?

You know, when I asked you what you did with the money after you and mom split the house, I wasn't expecting you to lie through your teeth and say you gave it all back to me through child support.

You literally stopped helping me financially the day after you found out I got a part time job out of high school. It's so ironic that I find it funny. Your reasoning? You wanna save up to put your daughters through karate and Chinese school. Let's see whether you're a man of your word or if you used your daughters as leverage to back out of supporting. Then, we'll really know what kind of a father you are.

 I remember you telling me you would still help pay for my college after I turned eighteen. I guess that was a lie as well. I understand if you’re tight on money. I can support myself, but what kind of a father never hangs out with his son? Most of the time, when you called, it was about money or business. The day I told you I found a part time job after high school, you were happy for me. The next day, you told me to come over to tell me you were no longer going to help me with money. It was a five minute conversation.

The more I see from your perspective, the more betrayal I feel. Not just abandoned, betrayal, since the day you left the house. Honestly, I don't even remember the day that you left. I don't even remember that you did. In fact, I had to learn about it from mom later on what happened and why I wasn't able to see you for a while.

It's like you ran away and decided to stop being a father. Apparently, you didn't contact me until the month right before the law stating you would lose custody of me if you did not contact me within six months.When you called, I was excited to hear from you, glad. I remember asking where you were.

Little did I know that in your mind, you had already taken a backseat in my life.

I don't even know why you came back. The judge made you pay child support. Don't make it seem like you did all of it because you wanted to.

Ever since that day, mom and I only had our family and each other, though I was too innocent to see it. We slept on a bed in the living room of Cau Long's house, 10 of us in that house. We had nothing. Mom worked tirelessly every day to provide a future for me, to get a second loan and buy back our home. She didn't have time to take me to or from school. Why didn't you offer any help? You disappeared for months. You didn't offer to help take me to school either. You left us alone.

That's right. You betrayed your son by abandoning your duties as a father. All of this didn't just appear out of nowhere. It started when I was just a child.

And let's not forget the time you were cheating on mom going on VietFun late at night to chat up girls. Yeah. I checked the history. You didn't do a very good job at hiding it. I even went on it myself when I was a kid for entertainment. Little did I know what all of this would mean until later on.

People say you start to recall your memories around four years old. It's interesting how I was about six during this time, and even then, I knew that what you were doing was wrong.

Mom's not a perfect person either. I'm sure she's done a lot of things to upset you, and I don't know your side of the story. I'd like to hear it, but I honestly don't know if I will believe you. I already think you're full of shit, and you've lost a lot of credibility for yourself as a father.

You know, growing up, I've always looked up to you. I don't know why. I just did. I used to always favor you in front of mom after you guys divorced. She asked me why, and I said because you're my dad. You're the man, so, I have to look up to you. She told me that's not fair, and now I see why. I don't wanna be like you. In fact, you inspire me to not be like you when I have kids.

24 years is a long time and so is 16. That's how long it's been since the divorce, and not once in those 16 years did you ever call me to go eat or hang out. I only spent time with you when I came over every other weekend because it was your legal responsibility.

Mom had to demand you to spend time with me after she found out I hung out by myself in your room while you left. Even then, you took me to the arcade at Nickel Nickel, and after the second or third time going, you left to take a call or to go do some work.

I saw you for a few days out of the month, and you left me all alone inside of an arcade.

What made you wanna be a father?

Surely, it wasn't to leave your kid alone in an arcade or to just let him sit in your room all day. Why do you even love me?

If you love me, then why were you busy for 24 years?

Why did you leave without contacting me for months?

Why did you go to Vietnam every year and come back like nothing happened?

Why did you start a new family without me?

Why have you called to say hi only once this year?

Why did you go behind my back to talk bad about me to your old coworker?

You went to Vietnam for months every year, got married, brought step mom to America, gave birth to two beautiful daughters, and now you've started a new family. And throughout that entire process, you were too busy for me?

You didn't even show up to my high school graduation. I told you over a week in advance. On the day of graduation, you called and told me you were too busy with work to make it. Even Shirley came. 

My father, who knew a week in advance, couldn't set aside a few hours to be there for his son's graduation. In retrospect, I wasn't even surprised when you called. My expectations of you being a father and present in my life were already set to rock bottom standards. Even a phone call to tell me you couldn't make it was good enough for me, but in the back of my mind, I knew it was a lousy excuse from you as a father. I didn’t wanna admit it.

Out of all the times you could've been there for me, you weren’t. In one of the most important moments where you could’ve showed up as my father, you chose work.

When I came over last week, I was going to invite you to my college graduation. I felt it was time for me to finally tell you what I've been wanting to tell you these past few years. Yet, after everything I told you, you still used the same excuse. You're really pathetic for that, and that's why I never invited you.

You couldn't show up to my high school graduation because of work. Now, you're telling me you didn’t have time for me the last 24 years because of work? Why would I invite you again after you gave me the same excuse? Do I look like I enjoy watching you disappoint me? I set my expectations for you as a father so low for 24 years, and even then, you failed them.

I was very close to never accepting you as a father again after I turned 21. I even talked to mom about it. She thinks my life is better off without you. She thinks I should put up a fake smile when I'm around you and pretend like I care.

I said fuck that. You deserve to hear it from me because I'm not putting up with you for the rest of my life.

Whether or not you’re still in my life would make no difference to me. Grandma raised me as a kid more than you did. That’s why I haven’t visited often because seeing you brings me feelings of disappointment. More than that. Spite.

The only reason why I lived with you every other weekend was because the judge made it your legal duty as a father.

I feel like you stopped being a full fledged father to me the day you left mom, and I don’t wanna hear you say “it’s her fault we’re like this” when you can’t take accountability for yourself. This is between me and you.

You left Vietnam every single year for months and would never call to check in on me. but one day you brought home a wife, told me to call her mom, and started a family. and your excuse to make time for me is you’re still too busy? You created a whole new family, but you were too busy for me in 24 years? This is not mom’s fault. it’s YOUR fault that you didn’t try. You’re pathetic and a sorry excuse of a father. I’m not apologizing for how I feel because unless you can give me a less sorry excuse of I’m busy, my judgment on you remains the same.

And if your excuse is still going to be that you're too busy, then I don't see the point in continuing this relationship any longer because I don't believe in your excuse. I don't even think you truly believe it yourself.

The reason why I am speaking to you. because I take accountability for my own life now, and I don’t need you to hold significance over it if you’re gonna teach me how to avoid being a father.

I'm done. I'm done wanting to hate. Just tell me if you wanna still be my father and heal this relationship. If not, then we can both agree that this is as far as our relationship will grow, and I'll have the peace of mind at night knowing I at least addressed this with you and gave you an opportunity to fix it. I don't need a half ass father in my life. I need a fully committed one. it’s better if you were not someone important in my life if you continue to be a half ass father. Now that we’re older, I can't change the past, but I'm willing to move forward with this and maybe salvage our relationship, but it’s up to you how you want to set the stage of this relationship moving forward.

The fact that you haven’t called or texted after I told you I couldn’t believe your excuse says a lot.

[mangodestroyer]

The more I study trauma (as it turns out, there is so much I didn't know about it and I'm 90% certain I have cPTSD at this point), the more I have to question why no one acknowledged this aspect of myself?

I mean, as a child, it was obvious I was displaying TONS of symptoms of anxiety and distress. I was neglecting myself, eating to the point of making myself ill, and had trichotillomania. On top of that, I was expressing lots of displeasure over how I was being treated at home, school, and by certain figures of authority. At one point, I even ended up venting about shit through a writing prompt in class because... I'm not really sure why. But I did mention feeling s*icidal. Which is the ONLY time I was talked to about this shit. But even then, not much was done about it.

If anything, I was kind of just treated like a fuck up. Later on, as I learned more about mental health, I tried seeking out help to try and sort out my trauma and such. I was also starting to dissociate pretty badly by the time I was 18 (and still do, and I have other weird symptoms as well) but I didn't even know what was going on. Maybe it wasn't a good time for therapy because my mental state was making it difficult for me to be coherent. But even when I was more lucid, talking to therapists kind of felt like talking to a brick wall. Even when I would mention my trauma, they'd just be like, "Lol, what? Okay, then!" Or I'd get stupid advice such as, "Maybe you need to scribble on some paper to get your frustrations out." Or they'd just tell me I'm depressed. Or that any interpersonal issues was because of autism (and yeah, growing up neurodivergent, I heard no end of that from my speech therapist, who made my symptoms feel more like personal failings or me intentionally going out of my way to be difficult/unpleasant).

And from other people in general, I remember others sort of minimizing my abuse or giving the abuser the benefit of the doubt. Getting screamed at by my mom? Well, you know, maybe I just deserved it because I'm frustrating. Brother going out of his way to make my life literal hell (I mean, straight up being cruel and even finding "valid" reasons to punch me in the throat or threaten to break my arm, while making it a daily thing to verbally degrade me any chance he got, exclude me from shit, and take great joy out of seeing me cry because honestly, he shows lots of symptoms of ps*chopathy). That's just how brothers are! And you know, I'd also either be equally or FULLY responsible for making this relationship strained. Either people from the outside will act like I'm being awful and stuck up for not forgiving him, or my own damn mother who witnessed all of this will either tell me that she didn't notice/I didn't tell her, or she'll tell me that I made no effort to form a relationship with him (even though I've literally gotten to a point where I sobbed and begged my brother to tell me what I was doing to make him treat me like this) and that it's normal for siblings to be shitty to each other. Literally, any time I've dealt with abuse from another individual, people would tell me I was responsible in some way. Or why I even still care about some of this shit since, "It's in the past now and it doesn't sound like a big deal." Even if it could still be ongoing, or I still managed to let in other individuals who are abusive. It kind of makes me want to end it.

I've only recently started coming to terms with this in an actual constructive way. Learned many of the nuances of abuse (and there's probably even more to learn) and I honestly feel so much less crazy now. I stumbled upon some really good abuse forums and found some trauma therapists who post online who really helped me figure some of this shit out. I think one of the biggest ones for me was the explanation behind why our best efforts are never enough for some people. Why we could try to do EVERYTHING for an individual and try to make ourselves as perfect as possible, and they'll STILL find some reason to put you down and act like you're the one failing the relationship. Turns out, there really are unempathetic, sadistic individuals who like to play games with you and make your life Hell. It's not an accidental thing or anything. And it's not about any of the victim's "personal failings." Some people literally derive joy from psychology torturing others, and it's something I went through MANY TIMES. And now after studying all these dynamics... how the fuck am I supposed to be normal? I mean, no wonder I have some of the mental health symptoms I do. But I still don't understand how people saw this very disordered behavior and... just didn't think anything of it? Because imo, it's pretty clear to me that I don't act normal. And not just because of autism. I show lots of behaviors of a traumatized individual. From acting very distrustful and avoidant of others to having altered states of consciousness that make me somewhat incoherent.

Why are we as a collective allergic to talking about trauma and abuse? To me, it almost feels like we go out of our way to make victims seem crazy or ridiculous. Or even sort of imply that they create these situations themselves and bring out these behaviors in others. I almost wonder if it's sort of by design. Yes, some people probably want to keep living in their comfortable bubble and not acknowledge abuse because it would shatter their world view/make them realize they have some unhealthy relationships themselves. I also think some people see these shitty behaviors in themselves. KNOW they are the ones causing problems for others. And don't want people catching onto that. So they blame shift onto the victim.

And ofc, I also hear no end to how I'm so disordered when it IS acknowledged. No end of, "You're not ready for a relationship yet." or "You really need to work on yourself more." If I have ANY symptoms. It's like... yeah, I am working on myself. But trauma is for life and I'm also mentally disabled. It feels like people are, again, putting all this on ME. I couldn't tell you how many times people acted like I was a moral failure for showing any symptoms of autism or trauma. It feels like I'm allowed to have these conditions but... not have any of the symptoms? Even though I 100% believe a healthy relationship with these two conditions is doable (after all, I have managed to have long term friendships without any issues). Why should I keep having to isolate myself until I'm completely cured, when that's not even possible? Sure, I have attachment issues, and it probably is a good thing that I spent time alone reflecting on all this, but being alone ALL THE TIME, even if it feels "safe" isn't exactly healthy. At this point, I've isolated for a year after breaking up with my ex and I do actually feel like I'm ready to talk to people again. And I am aware that it will come with challenges. But think of it this way: how am I ever going to overcome my anxieties around other people unless I see for myself that some people can, in fact, be safe? How will I ever learn to figure out the good individuals from the bad if I don't learn how to talk to people? Or is telling me to "work on myself more" just a nice way of telling me you don't care to talk to me?

[sassy-cass-16]

I just had a good long thinking session, and something powerful occurred to me.

I haven't participated in Mass, despite regularly being present for them a multitude of times, since I fully admitted to myself that I couldn't trust the church anymore. It's been a few years since that point, and though sometimes I have to cross myself or mouth along to an Our Father or a Hail Mary here and there just to keep up appearances, I haven't actually prayed since that point either.

I know, somewhere inside myself, that it would feel pretty good to let myself believe the lies again. The lies that there's someone keeping an eye on me, that the omnipotent thing loves me unconditionally, that people of faith are always, always trustworthy. It would feel really, really fucking good. They're designed to be comforting. They're designed to be a soft feather bed over the spike pit of reality.

The reality that there's no plan, love is messier and more complicated than anything else, and trusting the people who prop up the lies will only come back to bite everyone, eventually.

Except, not everyone hits those spikes. Not everyone can even see them. But I did. I fell right through those feathers and slammed into nearly every single ugly truth about the Catholic Church.

The paradoxical traps designed to keep people where they're easiest to control. The insistence that they are the only truth, the only reliable source of truth, the only people who know true reason. All of it is complete bullshit. Because if you cannot fit where the church wants you, if you try to make the pieces fit together and keep arguing when they don't, then you are useless to the church and therefore not even worthy of life, because all people are called to serve the church or god or whatever name they want to give to their own selfish stupidity. If you don't fit the four--FOUR--lives they offer you, you're not a person.

I know a Catholic will say I'm twisting the words of the church, but I'm not. I'm untangling the Gordian knot they've twisted themselves into, in the hopes that no one will want to challenge them. Because this is the reality of the situation, and I deeply, deeply hope anyone questioning Catholicism is reading this, because I'm talking to you, here.

All of it is a fucking trap. Only a very specific kind of person can lie on that feather bed and be safe, and it's the kind that's easy to manipulate. The church will tell you in very pretty words that everyone else is a liar, or has misinterpreted something completely normal and healthy, or is corrupted by fucking Satan, or is a poor misguided apostate you can help by just giving them a chance to give up the right to come to conclusions that disagree with the church.

They'll tell you you're allowed to disagree, but they will never admit when they are wrong. They will dress it up like a corpse in a new suit because that is what they have done for thousands of years. They have reinvented themselves like a parasite shifting its shape, over and over and over again, each time hastily covering their tracks to insist they were right all along, but someone hit a roadblock, or had an uh-oh, or some other infantilizing horse shit.

You can scream at them that you deserve to exist in a body that makes you happy, but they will tell you that you're misguided and wrong and child, why do you keep letting outside influences cloud your judgement, confess and repent, say you're sorry for wanting, sorry for coveting, ask your father's forgiveness.

You can throw bricks at them and demand they allow you to be more than a cheap marketing trick, that they admit to the systematic murder of people just like you, that they stop repeating the violence that they can blame on the hands of the children who saw no other way to escape. And they will tell you that you're wrong, things have progressed, it's so much better now, child, time is linear, we've moved on, stop living in the past, don't fall into corruption, don't fight, be good, ask your father's forgiveness.

The church will never stop lying. The church will never stop working for their own ends. The church will never stop hurting you.

Period.

If you're a Catholic seeing this, and you're questioning your faith, that is a very, very good thing, and I would love to talk to you. Don't be afraid to talk to outside sources about the church. They are not the only authority on themselves. We deserve some say, too.

[mirjam-writes]

My Ineffable Husbands headcanons

These are my headcanons, I’m not saying these are true, and I read and enjoy a lot of fics that contradicts these, but when I write, this is what I have in my head. 

The Angels and demons look the way they look because they feel like it. Aziraphale could change himself skinny if he wanted, but because he does not feel like skinny, it would be harder to maintain. Same with genders. They can look however they want, but if it’s something they don’t vibe with, they might keep slipping to their “normal”. And Crowley is a snake, hence the eyes and the forking tongue. Both Aziraphale and Crowley are confident about their looks, and their insecurities are more about who they are as a person. My Aziraphale worries he's too soft (as in too understanding and forgiving) for an angel, not that his body is too soft.

Aziraphale and Crowley might be opposites, but they are also equals in strength and rank. Aziraphale is not a Cherub and Crowley is not Archangel (Raphael or otherwise) nor a Seraphim. For me the idea that they both are very ordinary low rank celestial/occult creatures is delightful. 

Aziraphale is a passable soldier and knows his way around the sword, but he’s nothing special in that regard! And I don’t believe he was the only angel guarding the eastern gate. It was just his shift, maybe the cherub normally in charge of it was having a break? He may be in charge of a platoon but he does not like it.

Crowley doesn’t hold a grudge against Aziraphale for saying the hurtful things he did, because Crowley understands how hard it was for Aziraphale to disobey (imagine leaving a dysfunctional family, it’s still your family, it will hurt!). Aziraphale will probably apologize profusely, but my Crowley will never demand those apologies. They have known each other for 6000 years and haven't got sick of each other, so they have to know each other pretty well, and accept the good and the bad sides they both have. They'll definitely argue from time to time, but they'll always make up afterwards.

They love each other, they care for each other and they fully respect each other, but also hold on to their own boundaries when needed. Sometimes I subtly write Crowley as aromantic, but even when he doesn't say the words, act romantic or call it love, Aziraphale is still his whole world, and Aziraphale gets that. Aziraphale, in turn, loves so much he's sometimes intimidated by the strength of the feeling. And neither of them would ever even think to require the other to feel their connection the same way the other feels it. I don't care if they kiss or not in the season 2, because this connection is already in the book and the season 1, and it's the biggest relationship goal thing there is. They don't have to prove it anymore.

Aaaand I refuse to believe either of them is a virgin after 6000 years among humans. They are too curious and impulsive not to have tried it at least once. Even if I wrote them as asexuals, I'd write them sex positive, though not necessarily sexually active.

I have more, but maybe I'll save them to another post 😉

[violentshine]

It's The Blazing Star AU'o clock

After the fire scene with Ashfur & Tawnystorm; Ferncloud is in state of constant worry, not only for her but for Tawnystorm who is not doing so great either, oh yea Ferncloud is also expecting.

It's been days (maybe almost a moon) since the situation happened, Ashfur has not been seen or scented anywhere near Thunderclan, until of course one day when Ferncloud decides to take a walk.

Ashfur doesn't step over the border but tries to apologize, he still doesn't think what he did was wrong but he wants to make Ferncloud "feel better" in which Ferncloud makes it clear that she will never accept any pathetic apology of his. She is visibly uncomfortable and scared of being around him, she does not want to be around the cat who almost killed her mate's sister, especially in her current state. Which Ashfur picks up on and starts bombarding her with with questions like "how can you bring kits into a clan with someone like that (talking about tawnystorm)?" & other stuff that is just false or doesn't have anything to do with him. Ferncloud tells him one more time that she never wants to see him and she dares him to follow her, he'll be attacked and perhaps even killed on sight if he does.

Ferncloud then leaves to camp in a hurry and once she's there, Brambleflower is almost automatically right by her side. She takes him over to a quiet part of camp and tells him what happened along with her worries about if her kits will be safe with a cat like him still stalking around the territory. She confesses that she's terrified about what he may do if he ever sees her kits, which she will do all in her power to make sure doesn't happen, but she can't protect them forever and doesn't even know if she'd be able to fully do that. Brambleflower ensures her that they'll be safe with her, with them both, she's not in this alone, not that she was ever.

Once Ferncloud goes to get some much needed rest, Brambleflower starts thinking of a plan. He first goes to the medic to get advice but later decides to talk with Sandstar, he changes his mind too late as Leafpool already saw him and asks what's going on.

Brambleflower tells her that, in short that they have to do something about Ashfur. He's too dangerous to be kept around, allowing him to think of a plan is only increasing the danger. Leafpool insists on going with Brambleflower to talk to Sandstar. She's been helping Tawnystorm deal with the shock of it all, but seeing the deputy so...depressed (not sure how to explain it- Tawnystorm is more so a husk at this moment, this fire, everything coming back that she tired so hard to forgive herself for, having all of that come at her full force really did some damage) is Leafpool's reason for getting rid of Ashfur. She can only do so much for Tawny right now, Ashfur is a huge trigger for her if she ever sees him again.

Brambleflower knows about Tawnystorm's state and needs to do this for her as well so the two go up to Sandstar's den.

Sandstar lets them in, Ravenfeather, who was eating with her leaves after Brambleflower announces they have something important to tell her.

He doesn't waste anytime when telling her that Ashfur needs to die, and he will be the cat to be sure he does. Sandstar of course it taken aback as Brambleflower is never this upfront but doesn't actually have a problem with the idea. She was hoping that Ashfur had died from smoke inhalation or at least gotten the memo that he isn't wanted, but of course that's just wishful thinking.

Before they can talk about it more, Squirrelflight enters the den, saying how she overheard what Leafpool was talking about (they have that telekinetic-connection thing) and she wants to be apart of the plan to take out Ashfur too. No cats has a problem with it (they wouldn't anyway) and when prompted about a plan, Squilf says she came up with one already.

Basically, she will scout the area, Bramble & Leaf will be near each other so when Squilf catches wind of Ashfur, she'll tell Leaf who will tell Brambleflower, who will then track Ashfur down. That's not all. If Ashfur manages to escape, Leafpool will still be around and hopefully the two will encounter each other. Since Leafpool is a medic, she'll have herbs and will offer to "treat" his wounds. If Ashfur accepts the help, Leafpool will unravel her bundle and give him what she calls poppyseeds.

Little does he know though, those poppyseeds are actually foxglove seeds which are lethal, so he dies. Good ending, everyone's happy.

That's the plan they go with, Leafpool informs Fireheart about it and they leave camp.

Haven't decided if Ashfur dies by Brambleflower or Leafpool but he dies. woohoo !

and since he's still very set on "yes i tried to kill an innocent cat, no i didn't do anything wrong, we exist" he gets sent to the Dark Forest where he's greeted by Hawkfrost (& Tigerstar ? i figure that whole dark forest trainee plan is going to kick off soon so Tigerstar is more bossy & in charge than usual).

I'm just throwing ideas here right now but there's a scene when a Starclan cat visits and Ashfur talks to them about how he shouldn't be in the DF and Hawkfrost joins in saying he literally hasn't done anything and if anyone shouldn't be there it's him because yea...the only reason he's in the dark forest is because Tigerstar killed him but why was he there in the first place ? I don't think the Starclan cats actually does anything (not that they would want to) and just does whatever they needed to do and leaves.

Later down the road I think Ashfur actually starts working for/with Tigerstar which is very ironic and his reasoning for it isn't much better (not 100% sure what it is though...)

Oh and I don't think Brindleface is going to very likeable in this au