#just mentally preparing myself for backlash

[letstrywritingmaybe]

Happy Halloween, here’s my tricky treat for the fandom! Dedicated to @rinzer my beloved, thank you so so much for your continuous support and reading my drafts for this verse as I’ve been writing! This fic would not be possible without you, so thank you for the inspiration and talking to me about it! I love you lots!

Devour

Summary: There is a hunger in him that cannot be sated. Love, lust, hate, desire. All of the above. He’s going to eat her alive, unless she ravages him first.

A/N: This fic is rated E for explicit, please read responsibly. I am still Ace, so there’s that. There will be a trigger warning of miscarriage later on in the fic (I will note the chapter once I get there) it is still an on going wip though I’ve drafted the first four chapters up to this point (no idk how long it will be, but man I wish I did). The canon ship is mentioned, there is absolutely cheating involved and it’s way worse than in the Honey I’m A Sucker When You Linger series. Another reminder that I write for myself, I know how this will end and it’s not my usual happily ever afters. Think more along the lines of the true ending of Lo Lo Love Me. If after reading this author’s note and you still wish to proceed, then click on the ao3 link below. I’ve said my peace and given my warnings, be in charge of your own fandom experiences. I won’t be upset if you choose to nope out at any point, I’m well aware this isn’t for everyone.

(Read if you dare here) <3

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

up until recently i ran a pretty popular radfem blog (stay with me, this ask is in good faith) but after i took a social media detox, i realized i don’t share those beliefs anymore and in fact i might be trans myself. i just kind of abandoned the blog, but i’d feel bad if i didn’t tell my followers what happened. i’m scared of telling anyone because i feel like i’d be a bad feminist if i transitioned. (i know, you can be trans and a feminist just fine, but that’s just the kind of thing radfems tell you.) even worse, i’m scared of posting about it on my main or radfem blog because radfems and trans people by and large hate each other (obv), and i’m scared to mention i’ve been in both groups because of the hate i’ll get

Lee says:

When I first started as a mod, I would have told you that you need to immediately post on all your blogs to disown the transphobic beliefs you had previously expressed to try to make up for the harm that you may have perpetrated as a radfem.

Now that I'm a little older, my feelings on the topic have shifted a bit. Before anything else, I think you need to slow down and make sure that you ensure your own safety and mental health.

If you believe that revealing this change to your followers could result in backlash online that would affect you emotionally, it's crucial to prepare by turning off anonymous asks and muting notifications from social media apps.

You should also make sure you have a non-online place to turn for support. If they used to be your community, you may feel like you've lost online friends, so make sure you don't become too isolated. Instead, lean on your IRL connections and seek support from trans-friendly people in your community.

You may even want to consider looking for a therapist-- questioning being trans can be difficult for anyone, and adding a layer of internalized transphobia doesn't help.

When you're ready to share your feelings on your blog, you should write a thoughtful post explaining your journey. You don't have to justify your identity; rather, focus on your personal growth, how your views have evolved, and how you came to understand yourself better. Acknowledge the complexity of the situation and that you're still learning.

These people were once your buddies and there's a chance you may be able to make some of them question their beliefs too if you don't lash out at them and trigger that instinctual defensive us-versus-them mindset, so I would try to keep a friendly tone even while noting that you no longer support them.

So thank your followers for their support and engagement over the years, but tell them you aren't comfortable staying part of their community now that you've realized that the beliefs underpinning the group are doing damage and you are trying to unlearn that type of thinking.

Gently challenge any misconceptions you once held or promoted. Clarify that being trans and feminist are not mutually exclusive and that everyone deserves respect and equality, regardless of their gender identity.

If you're comfortable, share resources that helped you on your journey. This could be educational materials, support groups, books you found helpful, or contact information for trans-supportive LGBTQ+ organizations. If there's anything you'd recommend to others who were once in the same place as you were on getting out, this is the time to share your advice.

Understand that reactions will likely be mixed. Some followers may feel confused, betrayed, or angry, while others might be supportive or even share their similar experiences. Remember, you're not responsible for their reactions and you don't need to respond to them if you don't want to argue and they aren't willing to have a respectful conversation.

Be clear about your boundaries. Let your followers know what kind of comments you're willing to engage with and that hate or harassment won't be tolerated. You can even stop engaging with the account altogether if you don't think you can deal with the hate that you may receive.

You don't have to post about this immediately. Again, it's okay to take as much time as you need to feel ready. It's okay to wait until you're in a safe and stable position before making any announcements.

If you do post about it and get hate, remind yourself that you're doing the right thing by letting go of that community, and that you're not only making the right choice for your own life in allowing yourself the freedom to explore your gender identity but you're also doing the right thing overall since you're now standing up for the trans community (late is better than never!) and no longer encouraging transphobic narratives.

If you feel that your current blog is no longer a space where you can express yourself authentically, consider starting a new blog or platform where you can write freely about your experiences and beliefs. Or just get offline altogether-- your digital detox is what started this, so maybe it's healthy for you to continue it for a while!

If you tell someone "I support trans folks" and they send you hate, that person is not your friend anyway. This is an opportunity to meet nice people who you can be yourself with. I would really encourage you to connect with IRL activists who are actually regularly volunteering and doing something concrete for their community if you have the opportunity.

When I was in high school, I volunteered at my local library's teen advisory board, and when I was in college I volunteered at a local hospital and through my college. This weekend I'm starting training for volunteering in-person for my town's emergency preparedness group which also does things like help to unload trucks for the food pantry, and I also volunteer remotely for two organizations online.

I'm really pushing for you to get out and volunteer (online or IRL) because I know one draw of the radfem community is feeling like you're an activist and that you're supporting women's rights and protecting and defending women. And it is important to support women's rights and protect and defend women! But there are other ways to do that beyond running a hateful blog attacking trans women.

I have a friend who works at an organization for survivors of domestic violence, for example, and she works with volunteers who help staff events, answer the hotline, etc. You can look around and see what local initiatives there are in your community and if you can't find the thing you're looking for you can start a group yourself or look online and join a national or state-wide cause that you care about, like pushing the legislature to support access to abortions.

Giving up the radfem community doesn't mean giving up feminism, and this is a good opportunity for you to take a look at your own time, your values, and think about how you can take this chance to start working to be a more effective feminist. Not everyone has to be an activist, but if you want to be one, think about how you can start doing good in a way that will actually affect people in a positive way.

I've also often been involved in doing events like conferences and workshops and panels IRL from my time in high school to the present day to try and educate folks on the community, but I also know that sometimes you need to take a step back and prioritize yourself. If you think you're not ready to jump into making change that's also okay. Just join something. A soccer team, a book club, anything hobby-related, to have something else to do and talk about and think about and stay tethered to feeling part of something.

Remember, it's okay to grow and change. You're not betraying anyone by being true to yourself. It's a courageous step to admit when your views have changed, and it's an integral part of personal growth. Be kind to yourself during this process.

Whether or not you end up identify as trans, you still will be doing the right thing by separating yourself from that community. I know it may be difficult because they were a place where you felt supported and part of a movement, but I really believe that you're taking steps in the right direction by letting go of that ideology and just living your life!

Followers, if you have any experiences unlearning toxic beliefs please reply with your advice for anon!

[amadholes-lostre]

Another Wednesday/Wenclair idea because I hate myself- The 5th Ostrace

My brain keeps spewing ideas but refuses to let me write a story lol. The idea is that there is a new Ostrace (using my BNHA au term) category to be generalized.

And that being aliens.

It kinda make sense: nonhumans that can't exactly accustom to norm society, so they will fit into Ostrace society (there're many reason why, especially one big reason).

The idea that multiple alien states contacted humanity before the main series so that the characters could be used to them. The alien states, other than what our countries do for diplomacy like cultural centers and participating in local events, also do student exchange program, including sending some to Nevermore.

(I already have this idea other with other franchises, using my original alien races in doing so, like Harry Potter (got this fic idea since 2013) and The Prom.)

Being nonhumans (some don't even look remotely as one), it will be difficult for the exchange students to fit in. However, another reason why they will be categorized as the 5th Ostrace- well, other than some being vastly different in appearance (one of the race, Rín [not actually the race name] is just a rubber forehead human with only pointy ears) is due them being considered mono-sex races (a homosexual species if you will).

Unlike humans and vast majority of animals being gonochorism, the alien races are mono-sex (think Asari from Mass Effect, which what inspired me [either positive or negative]), though ironically the majority will be classified as semi-monosex. Because of that, depending on the species and culture, gender is not as rigid compared to humans, especially Western cultures.

I don't really know else to write ther next one (I feel like I need to finish what my last paragraph left out lol) but I want to talk about the three alien races, or more like the three countries. There're three alien countries (two states having multiple different races) that come in contact. I don't actually have proper names for them (except the United Planetary Democracy, but that because they never bother with a singular name like the UAE), I do have their type of governmen. The three are: the United Kingdom (not actually accurate since kingdom is gender-neutral in the language, also ghere is a good reasonwhy it's called that), the UPD, and the Empire (in their defense, it's not the proper terminology [think Japan, though that isn't good either], so they wasn't as prepared for the backlash lol).

Okay, enough of that, time to talk about three alien races/countries:

So, first up is the Rín (singular is Rin), who makes up the UK. The UK is one of the states that made up of multiple races, and that because they all originated from the same planet. Rín isn't even a proper race but actually a genus (think Homo like humans). There's some races that aren't even in the same taxonomic family or class, and you piss off a lot of other people off for it. One of the races who made up like 70-80% are - I calling them Idorín for now (I never properly name almost any this, but I did categorize this mentally). Idorín are the most human-like with only superficial details being pointy ears, more colorful anime-like hairs, and having light-blue blood. Internally, their anatomy is a bit more avian (they're still viviparity). This is due to having airsac along lungs, a bit more lighter bones (through more richer with carbon). The average height is 6'3.5, though this depends on the... subsex(lol)? They're also semi-monosex, one being Ovumsere (they give birth; make up 60%), and Polisere (they... provide gametes?; make up 35%)(there are true mono-sex, though very rare; 5%). Anatomically, they're not very different other than heights (only three inches: Ovumsere av. 6'3 and Polisere av. 6'6), voice (only a bit), and genitals (lol). They're very culture diverse, average lifespan of 160 years (now 350 thanks to gene therapy). Also, there're humans in the UK before even contacting Earth (though their population doesn't even make a percentage).

The second race are So'lenas (ironically the name only name I actually come up a decade before), and another ironic twist runs the UPD. The country that has a very vague name is actually the only one that has one species (lol, lmao even). They're human-like, though not like Idorín. They kind of filled up the Blue-Skinned Soace Babe tropes, though not that much (their nose is actually sensory organ like a whale melon, they actually breathe either through their mouth or a blowhole atop their back). Their skin range either teal, light to dark blue, and purple. Their skin is a bit reptilian, though softer, and resemble more like that over your knuckles. They have freckle-like bioluminescence called 'his'kiri (meaning "star-kiss", another named for So'lena is His'lena, "Star-Person"), crest and tendril-like atop their head, semi-aquatic being (though depends on their culture of how they utilize it) which allows them to hold their breath 10-45 minutes (they look very voluptuous because of this), and give live birth (they do have breasts). They have a paddle-line tail that them swim more effectively and digitigrade legs. They're true mono-sex beings, with an average height of 6'4 and a lifespan of 300 years. Because of this, they have very loose gender roles, viewing it more like how queer women view butch and femme identity. Do of the planet (actually a satellite) they hail from (being very hot and humid), many of their culture clothing have lose clothes and transparent garments; it will be common to see their breasts (some fashion are even similar to ancient Minoan)(it also helps they've petite breasts and is not as sexualized compared to many human cultures).

The third race are Rahros ('hr' pronounce like Spanish J but with more vibration, also the full name is Ahnta'Sarnu'Rahros), and they're the majority of the Empire. Their government is a semi-constitution theocratic monarchy. The Empire and UK have a huge rivalry, almost Cold War political environment (think England-France rivalry). The race is the least human (being bipedal with a slight hunchback and 4 limbs their only resemblance), being archosauroform, though resembling more to crocodilians than to avians Most of their body are either in scute or soft scales. Though they have an upper and lower mouth, they have a pair of mandible that helps them push large food down their mouth. Their tongue is more like butterflys' (proboscis), and they can't move their mouth sideways (many of their cuisine are bite sides). They have tendrils- sometimes referred as dread or braid- growing from their head that resemble hair, shaping either smooth circle or overlapping scale oval, ranging half-an-inch to 1½ inches in thickness, and being made of keratin- it can be trimmed without hurting them (think like horse hoof trimming). They have three digit fingers and two opposing thumb in each hand. Their legs are digitigrade so they prefer to wear sandals and a small, vestigal tail. Their body shape is athletic and lean. The average height is 6'7.5, with ovumsere 6'6, while polisere are 6'9. (I have an idea Rahros character who's 8'4, 500 pound beef cake. Their dorm is in the 1st because they accidentally collapsed through the second floor. Somehow, they got their ass kick by Wednesday, fought and lost to the Hyde, and enjoys fighting Enid werewolf form). Their ovumsere/polisere ratio is similar to Idorín, though they give birth through oviparity: 45 days for the embryonic development and 8 months for incubation. Their scute colors range from light (similar to blond) to dark brown, bluish black (similar to alligators), and light sky blue. Their average lifespan is 146 years, though to 320 after gene therapy.

(Congratulations to the local lesbian, especially to Yoko and Divina.)

(Rín mocked polisere Rahros for having similar genitals to males, and Rahros fucking hate it.)

(One thing I trying to do is make their culture [each species has hundreds of different cultures and ethnicity] seem as different than our own, especially due to their sex and gender. One thing is that they having communal bathing and multiple relative family units living in the same housing [some Idorín/Rín culture/planet/satellite has segregated sex but this is due of excluding males from public space]).

I don't really have a plot, not compare to the Harry Potter one, however I do have some ideas.

My idea is the two children of my two OC have (ironicall, i based them on Wednesdayand Enid) are a couple, one being an Idorin (ovumsere) and anorher a So'lena. Even though both characters can't get either the other one pregnant (this isn't star trek/star wars), they use genetic engineering, so each child will have one percent of the other parent's genes. The two children are some of the main protagonists in the fic- the other are Wednesday and Enid - following their staying at Nevermore. Some conflict I think of is the Idorin OC having an identity crisis- she basically a clone of their mother and trying to explore who they are (and being short, only 5'8). The So'lena child doesn't have this problem since an average So'lena gain 95% from their mother. However, the So'lena OC too has one, of be it having an ethnic/species identity crisis- they rarely interacted with their own species that wasn't their own So'lena mother (they both lived their Idorin mother maternal family, the housing having around 100 people in it [it helps the family are a noble dynasty]).

Another idea is about how all three (or multiple) species are, either though physically and biologically different from one another and to humans, still share some common traits. One is how all 4 love to gossip and talk shit behind their back. I want Wednesday, who was excited about meeting them, disappointed how asinine, unambitious, and unimaginable they're, being so similar to humans. The Idorin OC will point out how idiotic and problematic she sounded, especially if she had said that to another Idorin.

Probably another idea is Nevermore nonalien characters exploring the aliens culture. One idea is Yoko trying to learn So'lena lingua franca, helps that I based the language on Japanese and Hawaiian (syllabary characters, no third person pronouns, a mixed of particle and grammatical case, subject-object-verb sentence, etc). Divina enjoying swimming with So'lena due of having aquatic body-type, though they will complain about the cold (their thermoregulation is meant to dissipate heat as quickly as possible). Enid will enjoy listening to one of the Rin races (having a more feline appearance) song genre, sounding similar to K-pop and J-pop (genre name in English will be Songstress Motet), though she will be shock just how dark and gruesome some of the lyrics are (think Yoru ni Kakeru).

I don't have much else to add, but this is a good amount, I think.

[thepeachyfaerie]

STOPPING EARLY ACCESS

Hey everyone, I hope everyone is doing well!

I have made the decision to stop releasing CC for early access. Starting July, all CC will be immediately public upon release.

There are a lot of factors that led to this and it's been something I've been debating for a while.

When I started making CC back in 2020, I didn't know very many creators and all the people I did know were either on TSR or on Patreon doing early access. I was unemployed at the time and decided it would be fun to do early access for my CC and make a little bit of side money while I searched for a job. Nothing really came of my Patreon, I think I made like $30 a month at most, until the 21st Birthday collab with EA came out in February 2021. After that, things kinda took off in a way. I got a lot more attention than I think I expected or was prepared to have, and while it was amazing, it also put an odd pressure on me. I struggled extremely heavily with imposter syndrome (I still do), thinking I didn't deserve that opportunity and it should've gone to someone more established in the community.

CC-creating became my job. I was making about $200 a month while unable to work due to deteriorating mental and physical health. I was in an extremely bad place mentally and wanted desperately to have CC-making become my career because I thought it would be better than an in-person job. In some ways, it was. However, in other ways, it introduced new issues.

I think starting in 2022 I was struggling a lot with motivation. I felt pressured to constantly make content to the point where I started doing the opposite. I love making CC but it got to the point where I was dreading it because I knew I HAD to do it, if that makes sense. I monetized a passion of mine, put insane pressure on myself, and I crumbled. Whenever I would do anything other than make CC, I would guilt myself so hard for not being productive.

Then the "paywall/early access" debacle happened in mid-2022. If you weren't there, basically EA had updated their TOS to ban permanent paywalled CC, however it was phrased in a way that made it seem like early access CC wasn't allowed. Many people, myself included, stopped doing early access CC to respect this. However, not even a week later, they updated their TOS to allow early access CC with a reasonable time frame (which has generally been understood to be 2-3 weeks, which I've always kept it within that time frame). Some creators stayed without early access, while others implemented it again, one of those people being myself. 

This... caused a lot of backlash, lmao. A LOT of people online were very upset with anyone who did this. In my eyes, I was doing early access to support myself through college while disabled and unable to work a "normal" job. To these people, I was greedy and taking advantage of the community. I got so, so many hate messages and death threats in my Tumblr inbox that I turned off anon messages, and to this day I still have anxiety every time I see a new message because I'm positive it's going to be hate.

I even got called out by name on a few occasions, which was definitely something difficult to handle while already in mental health crisis. One specific person was very angry I was putting Re/Gshade presets behind early access. 

I want to make something very clear. I understand. I understand how frustrating it is to not be able to get something you want immediately. I understand that The Sims 4 is just a game. I understand where these people are coming from because I know I've gotten disheartened when I saw someone had a piece I NEEDED but it was in early access. It's frustrating! However to me, I saw it as monetizing my hard work and time. I still think that's justified, however I know a vast majority of this community does not. That does not mean that the hate and aggression directed towards me was justified. At the end of the day, I'm still a person who loves The Sims 4, loves creating, and wants to share it with the world.

There was also the issue of reuploading. I know it's inevitable, people will share early access CC no matter what. I tried to tell myself that the only people downloading it were people who wouldn't pay for my CC anyway, so there was no harm done. In actuality, I noticed my patron number dropping. But at the end of the day, the money doesn't matter to me. It was the principal of the act. I felt really disrespected and like my hard work and energy meant nothing to people. I KNOW that wasn't intended by anyone downloading from these places, but I'm a very sensitive person and it still hurt. 

At the end of the day, I know that early access CC is hurting me more than it's helping me. I know that sounds dramatic and maybe it is, but I need to prioritize my mental health. I'm going into my 3rd year of college next fall and I need to start planning for when I graduate.

Will this change in the future? Probably not. I love making CC and I want it to stay that way. I don't know if uploads will be consistent at this point, if they'll increase or decrease, etc. I'm going to try my best but I want to work with myself and allow myself time and breaks if I need it.

All tiers will be converted to donation-only, although I will still offer my one-click CC folder for the $3.50 tier. 

Apologies that this got kind of personal, I've been ruminating on this for months and needed to get it off my chest. Again, I'm a very sensitive person, always have been, and at the end of the day my mental health matters more than any money I could make.

[tubbytarchia]

I've refrained from saying anything about this anywhere because I don't want to be negative and I'm scared of the backlash but I need to say that I'm so glad that I'm not the only one put off by sausage's humour as a gay person. I thought I was being over sensitive...

NOOOO I FEEL IT I think that's so valid of you to feel that way because um yeah me too a little bit..!! I also understand not wanting to voice that lol but I'm glad if knowing that at least a few other people feel the same way brings some solace. I try not to engage but it can't really be helped when he's in SMPs I consume and every time he enters the view or earshot I have to like mentally prepare myself before this thing inevitably jokes about homosexuality. I'm not fond of a lot of the recent humor from more members than him, being just sexual innuendo after sexual innuendo but god sosig has always been the worst. I was like mildly peeved for awhile but when all I hear from him half the time is a joke about gAy and "how scandalous!!" (and references that feel forced the other half of the time) I get a little bit genuinely upset. But maybe we're both just very sensitive idk!!!!!!

[aho-dapa]

This fandom is honestly...

Like, there is something to be said about fandoms in general and how they've changed as a whole generally but

There's also something about how the acotar fandom is especially toxic like

The idea that a post is surprised a murder hasn't happened yet and I found myself agreeing??? Is honestly telling

Like, also. A massive part of this is shipping and maybe it's because I have my corner of this fandom, but even then shipping the "wrong" thing in general has become something I honestly have to take in consideration when thinking of my mental health and if I can personally be prepared for any backlash??

This fandom at large doesn't feel safe and that's majorly concerning tbh

Maybe instead of saying shippers as a group are doing harm, we should just disavow harmful actions in general and not be complicit in it idk???

[lutawolf]

Love In the Air Ep 9 Review & Running Commentary

We are now entering into the territory of Sky and Prapai. Be prepared people because there is going to be Sexual Assault triggers. I warned about this before but I think a few people really didn't understand. I'm also seeing a lot of people give backlash to MAME which is not cool. MAME does not do this for fun, it's actually therapeutic writing. I think that's one reason why I'm less triggered, I'm used to listening to and reading work by survivors. I'm more triggered when surprised by it, where I don't have a chance to brace myself. Luckily a lot of people have given me support with this.

For those who missed my early reviews, they can be found here.

Lets do this. Anybody else hear "I'm too sexy for my shirt." While Prapai is holding all this shit up and looking at himself in the mirror? No, just me, the old person in the room. Well okay then. Look at little sis with that brat energy. And look at Prapai just putting it right out there. Why? Because he has every intention of catching him. Look at you asking the youn gun for advice. Aren't you just in unknown territory.

I love Sky's facial expressions so much. You always know what he is thinking and at this moment he is clearly annoyed with the food situation. What is it with guys and condiments? Let us pick it up and look at it like it will magically turn into something. Hahaha, must be my imagination. 🤣🤣🤣 How often you thinking of him that you think it's your imagination? And look at Prapai implementing some advice and using that Nong title.

Dead, you mean those flowers, that are right there. Where I can see them. Those flowers you mean. 🤣🤣🤣 Sorry Sky, Prapai got your number. Look at that quick expression from Sky, he can't help but find Prapai just a bit funny. Clearly bribed! "I haven't figured out your eye color even though I'm right here." "Are you color blind?" "No, but love makes me blind"

Trigger warning: Flash Backs: Deep breath. Yeah, that's about the whole of it. He is flashing back to when someone else, once told him they loved him.

PTSD is what occurs in people who have lived through a specific traumatic event or series of events like war, a serious car accident, sexual assault or natural disaster. C-PTSD is the result of prolonged exposure to trauma over longer periods of time, often during childhood. From a PTSD or C-PTSD stand point there are two different types of flashbacks: typical flashback and/or an emotional flashback.  A typical flashback is a sudden re-experiencing of a traumatic event in an person’s life. It might feel like you’re visually seeing the upsetting event over and over in your head, but it’s more intense than just a memory because your senses are typically triggered as well. Sight, sound, touch, and smell. Though the person experiencing the flashback may be safe, they don't feel safe. They are relieving all the experiences attached to that moment. An emotional flashback is when someone who has survived complex trauma feels “taken over” by an emotional experience such as scared, abandoned, helpless, or unsafe. Rather than re-experiencing a specific traumatic event in a relatively short period of time, an emotional flashback, can be quick or last for hours or days, sometimes even weeks. Typically it's when a person experience both that a panic attack will set in because the fight or flight has been activated. Yet there is nothing to fight even though mentally the person is sure they should be.

I want to point out that someone who isn't familiar with these types of flashbacks, isn't going to know how to explain them. It would be like never having ate a food but trying to describe it. Yet MAME describes it perfectly in their books.

So what Sky just experienced would be an emotional flashback. Even though it was relatively quick, we can't be sure he is actually over it. If you recall how Sky acted after having sex with Prapai, that was typical emotional flashback and you saw how long he felt that. Can I say that I'm pretty proud of Prapai for noticing that Sky wasn't okay. He is making his way out of fuck boy status. He's learning Sky and really trying.

Look at Prapai just grabbing Sky's hand. Guys, the fact that Sky isn't already swinging says a lot towards how he views Prapai. He is thick all over so lets cuddle 🤣🤣🤣 OH, Oh, see that face. Sky really does enjoy Prapai's humor. Which leads me back to the previous joke and the likely hood that he understood it to be a joke. Fuck, I love the way Prapai kind of drags Sky along. I love the way he is softly speaking to Sky. Like he is dealing with a timid puppy even though he knows this puppy has teeth.

Could You Be The Wind That Passes By

Aww, look at the cutie fixing his bed head. Meanwhile, Prapai just being amused. FYI in the book Sky dresses like this because of what was done to him. That is a common trait of SA survivors. I stayed in pjs for almost a year after the last assault. Also something that only an SA survivor would think to put in a book. Sorry guys, you might not like this review as much. Onwards. Sky doesn't see himself anything but ordinary but clearly Prapai sees him differently. Look at Sky's reaction to Prapai saying all this then when he gets to sweet lips. Awww look at him building up baby's self esteem. Prapai sees it too, he's so happy. Thennnnn he pushes too far. Dumbass. Haha, I love it, smack that hand Sky. Ouch, don't hurt me sky. Don't talk about yourself like that. First time going on a date with someone so down to earth 🤦🏽‍♀️ Have you even gotten to the date step before? The nipple piercings! Ha! They get talked about a lot in the book.

Prapai reminds me of one of my kids. I'mma poke you till you give me the attention I deserve. I call my oldest a black cat for this exact reason. I also call her a brat in the making. To which she replies "what's your excuse then." Um.. I'm a Sadist. We annoy for emotional damage enjoyment, totally different. Sky's inability to handle Prapai's flirting is so fucking cute. Here, let me just drink this water, I am completely immune to you. You know what. I'mma just leave.

Prapai is simping you guys. He is eating this shit up. He just chases after Sky. Sky is like bitch, I'm not a fuck buddy to your fuck boyiness. Pounce and Bounce 🤣🤣🤣 In the book Prapai is like dude, you knew that was a joke. Oh Oh, we are seeing our first bit of annoyance from Prapai. He wants Sky to know he is serious so he puts on his serious face.

Sky is like, no touchy touchy. I know a guy like you won't commit. You just enjoy the chase. Prapai you is like, dude, I'm not playing! Serves you right fuck boy. Gonna have to work hard if you want treasure.

Rain, you really trying to be upset right now. You really looking around you dumbass. Don't act like you didn't know that home boy was gay. No Rain, it's not obvious that you got bribed. Stupid Rain. It's okay Sky. Prapai, hurry back and pat the baby boy's head. I can't take this sad boy. And there it is guys, it's not that he doesn't like Prapai himself, it's that he can't trust himself to be with anyone.

Trigger Warning: Flashbacks: He dreams of being assaulted by the group. Even though we aren't seeing things, I think the fact that he has a nipple ring in indicates that he is back there. So, this time we are getting a typical flashback. Slight panic attack because it is a flashback dream but believe it or not this will actually help cushion the mind some. Which is why he isn't having a full-blown panic attack. By waking up, the body recognizes the need to not fight so it can begin the calm down process. At this point, I would like to say a huge thank you to the many people who in-boxed me with trigger warnings. NotFree even sent me time stamps. Thank you so much guys 💜💜💜

Aww, look at that smile. You guys, I can't tell you what it means to have someone there to distract you when wake up from a flashback. To have a bit of normalcy. While Prapai is cheesy, he is also giving Sky what he needs right now which is to not feel alone. Yes Sky, you are crazy but I'm here for it. Aww, he blocked his number. You gonna have to work harder Prapai. Ahh the mantra, this too shall pass. It's something I repeat at least once a day.

Look at Payu's face!!! Hahahah!!! Prapai wouldn't have gotten where he has gotten if he wasn't smart guys. It's just that he is a fuck boy and has never applied that intelligence and observation to a partner. Now that he is. Sky is screwed. Prapai cares. Fuck boy has gone simp. Ohh, look at that honesty. He tells him the truth, so he has an excuse to come see him. He likes a challenge Sky, he isn't gonna give up on you. You present everything that a boy like him wants. Face it boy's got a prey kink.

Oh No! Sky is sick! This fucking coconut. I love Sig your honor but seriously. Look how Sky helps everyone. He needs someone to take care of him. Did psycho buy another phone just to talk to his boy?? Niceee. Awww look, somebody is missing somebody. Looks like the walls are cracking just a bit.

These lovely bunch of coconuts, smh. It's okay, I'm sure Sky will get it done. Well at least Sig tried to be caring. Sig, i'm gonna need you to fuck the attitude out of Som already. He's getting on my nerves. Go Sig go!! Love this Bitch. 🤣🤣🤣 I'll go piss him off again. Hhahahaha. Love this Bitch.

Oh baby boy. Damn this is hard because I know what this feels like. The mantra again, this too shall pass. I'm not kidding, I sometimes think that I need this tattooed on me. I'm not even kidding, it's really what gets me through shit sometimes. So why is Sky losing it. Because He has always depended on himself. His mom isn't in the picture, his dad wasn't really there. He raised himself there for he has been lonely and depended on himself, when he tried to depend on someone else, he was abused and let down. He can't afford to run that risk again. I need to hug the baby!

Bunch of coconuts but they are there for their friend. Prapai buying new sims cards every time he is blocked, lol. Look a boy jumping up and heading out the door before fully forming a sentence. Told you guys, Prapai was in love from the first slide in. That walk though, what the fuck is that. Like he got a dick up his ass. You need to practice the concerned walk dude. No dumbass you can't trust him but go head then.

Nope not just sex buddy boy. You head over heels you are. HAHA the part where I called my boyfriend to be dad a bastard. Finally putting in the fucking curse words. Dude, he is so gone for this boy. Fuck that sound mike is annoying. In an ASK recently I explain that in the book Prapai is soul deep in love with this boy and though he is a scoundrel, Sky makes him a better person. He begins bettering himself to be better for Sky and he doesn't even really realize it. He just does it. See, even admits for never caring for a sick person before but for Sky he just does it without thought.

See, he even stopped himself because of his promise to Rain. He isn't a dick you guys. Just a fuck boy but he's getting better. Look at him even cleaning up!!

I liked it! Yeah, he's still a fuck boy. I mean he practiced how to say Sky's name in the mirror. To be fair though, he's never chased someone or really had to flirt. His looks and money have always gotten him laid. Now he has to navigate this weird world since he wants more than that from Sky. I'm looking forward to seeing him grow into a better person. Well, we are at the end. Hope you guys enjoyed! 💜💜💜 Dedicated to @ellaspore and the coconuts mafia

[fiveht]

do you have any advice for someone who is preparing to post their first explicit work and is nervous about negative responses? it seems like there's always someone out there who gets offended by porn and I've seen people get dogpiled over the smallest things. The Sirius I wrote is on the femme side of things and lately it seems like there's been a lot of backlash against that. How do you get over it and just write/post what you want? Teach me to be unbothered 🙏

You wanna know my secret, dear anon? I'm not unbothered! It's totally okay to be anxious, because yeah, there are shitty people out there, and trolls, and prudes who just get offended every time someone gets their dick out. That's the reality of fandom, and the purity police seem to have a particularly strong voice right now. You and I, we can't control that. We can't stop those people from thinking the way they do.

What we can do is insulate ourselves. I don't allow guest comments on my fics, because the vast majority of people who would leave a shitty, harassing comment on a story are either not AO3 members at all, or are unwilling to risk having their own account banned, so they do it anonymously. Do you miss out on some nice, normal comments that way? Sure, that's the trade-off. There's also an option to moderate your comments, which means you will see them but they won't be visible to the public until you give your approval. That doesn't really solve the issue of that awful swooping feeling in your gut when you first read a negative comment on the fic you worked so hard on, though, so to me, that's an imperfect solution. You'll learn as you go, what works for you. 

I've done fandom drama, and it took me a long time to realise that I was happier when I stayed away from it at all costs, even when the cost is giving up a certain level of participation. I don't have a huge, wide-reaching fandom social circle anymore, and I have a lot of fond memories of when I did, but my mental health is better for having given it up.

You don't owe anyone anything. Fandom is a HOBBY. We do this for free, and we do it for fun. If some aspect of it is interfering with your ability to enjoy your hobby, then you are allowed to take steps to eliminate it from your view. You don't have to allow anonymous commenting, you can mute people you disagree with, you can ignore fics that aren't written the way you like them. The only way to do it wrong is to try to ruin someone else's good time. Curate your fandom experience, babe. Take care of you. Life is stressful, your hobbies shouldn't be.

And please post your fic, and do it proudly. Porn makes the world a happier place. (That's what I tell myself, anyway...)

[russilton]

Hi, I hope this isn't weird, but as I see this kind of discourse from one of my favourite author I just wanted to check in if that's a kind of thing you're dealing with too. Without any judgement to anyone. Is it really that important to you guys that we leave comments? Aren't kudos enough? And do you agree that writers have to answer to comments?

It’s alright anon I figured I might get a message like this and I do appreciate having the chance to share my piece because I utterly agree with Susi on every part.

Something that’s worth understanding is I do not have a single artist or writer friend who doesn’t face this issue. Every single one one them, without fail, puts their heart on the line to create and share fan work, and all of them, myself included, struggle with a lack of response. Every gif maker, writer, artist, edit crafter, web weaver, all of them live for the positive comments we receive, the praise. I don’t know a creative without a praise kink, frankly.

This has been true for every fandom I’ve been in since I started posting art online in 2011, and fic in 2017, but it is ESPECIALLY present in F1 RPF because the space is so small, and usually people are so used to clinging to anonymity that the space feels even smaller.

Long discussion under the cut, because I wanted to try and honestly explain the mental process behind why authors and artists ask for a comment.

Speaking from my own experience now (that I’d still put money on being a similar experience for others), posting work of any kind online is a bargain. Yes you do it for yourself in part, but if it was just for myself I wouldn’t post it. When you post, you make the mental deal of “am I willing to accept potential hate or disinterest in this, for the chance to receive love and praise on it”. If you’ve been here a while you’ve seen the anons I’ve received at times; transphobic, homophobic, or just plain hateful. Some were too hateful to even post. I have had an Instagram page make a collage of my art just to laugh at it. But I keep posting, because for me, the joy and community I receive from comments and tags on my work make it worth that bargain. There’s some work that isn’t worth the potential backlash to post. That’s why any of the nsfw art I draw never leaves my close mutuals. I’m not willing to share it online when the result of it would pale against the risk.

Creative work is a deeply personal and heart baring process. It cannot be done easily some days. Yes it’s fun and funny and entertaining at times, but most times when I’m writing, I end up stood utterly alone in my own mind with myself. I cant write if I’m too depressed, because that experience of being alone with myself is too painful. Even on a good day it can be hard. So when I choose to go to that place, remain alone to pour my mind into something I write or draw, it is an exhausting labour of love. It takes hours, I’m not a fast worker, some people are faster than me, some are even slower. I’m alone for all of it.

And so when you put that all together. The work, the creative process, the editing, the cleaning, the preparing for posting, the process of tagging and sorting work so it’ll be seen, then self promoting… the least we can ask for in return is a comment?

You have to understand, kudos or likes are great, but it’s a hand sticking out of the void and giving you a thumbs up. It’s silent, faceless, impression-less. Imagine sending your family a deeply personal message and the response you get is just “👍”. Yeah it’s technically a response, but it’s disproportionate to the Labour afforded beforehand. People posting online are seeking a human connection, that little snap of closeness all human beings through history have craved. A kudos doesn’t really satisfy that craving. I would rather get 20 kudos on fic, but every single one has a comment, than 1000 silent ones. It’s just a number, it takes half a second to press that button and move on. It makes you feel like a cheap commodity that’s consumed and spat out, and that doesn’t even speak for the shame of a thousand eyes looking at your work and saying nothing at all.

When you comment or leave a tag, it shows me you took a second to absorb what I’ve showed you. It slowed you down, made you pause or take a breath, it DID something to you, just like it did something to me to make it. That’s a connection, that snap of a bond. Myself and that commenter now share something, and usually it’s a simple act of gratitude that you see all the work I’ve done to give you something, even if the comment is just “I really liked this!thank you for writing it”. It’s a paltry amount of work compared to what happened to get us there. But I feel less alone for just a little while, just like that fic did for you.

I understand that is still hard to do on occasion. You may be tired, you may feel over exposed or sick, but again you have to remember how hard that creative worked to give you something. On tumblr at least you can still reblog without a comment and increase the chance of someone else doing so. Ao3 doesn’t have that. Even when people filter by kudos they still have to be looking to read something with those tags. It doesn’t do much for the author who is sat faced with numbers. Their work made you feel, think, or just escape your own mind, by commenting, you are giving them the chance to have a moment of the same.

I have a screenshot folder full of comments that have made my day. It’s packed with the words that kept me going, when I doubted I could write at all, when I wondered if my art was good enough. They make a meaningful impact on my life the way I hope my work does for others.

And then you have to understand how… ungrateful it seems, to have people go “well you don’t reply fast enough, so I’m not going to comment.” I understand we all want that connection again, of a reply, and that’s why most authors TRY to do so!

But that author or artist has spent hours creating something for you, they have emotionally laboured and worked and bared themselves, asked you just to say something as your payment, and then you have asked to be paid for that honour? That’s like going into a store, paying for something, and then going “because you didn’t give me an extra gift for paying rather than stealing, I shall simply steal it in future”. That’s kind of insane right? Especially when the work you receive was hand made with love by the person sat in front of you.

I don’t know a single creative person on f1blr I haven’t seen go “I don’t know if posting this is worth it”. And that should worry people. If you come online and devour content without return, you are going to see people stop posting and walk away. I’ve seen it happen over and over and over. This isn’t the hungry hungry caterpillar, you aren’t 5, you don’t get to have your cake and eat it too if you don’t pay the baker who made it. In this case nobody in fandom has the incentive of making a living to continue. I can’t buy things for myself with comments. We don’t get paid. Instead they’re just going to stop sharing and return to only giving cake to people who respond. I’ve got art and fic I wrote only for my friends, because I wanted a reaction and giving it to them was a sure fire way to get it, because I trusted them.

If it becomes more effort to post than it does the return, I simply just won’t. I owe nothing to a faceless void, and so said void should try being less faceless. That’s all people are asking for.

[orphee-aux-enfers]

Are you participating in the writers' strike?

So, this has a short answer and a long answer.

The short answer is that for the month of November, and likely starting now, I will be on a planned hiatus for my mental health.

I will not be updating my WIPs during November. I will be writing during November, but largely on a new project for NaNoWriMo that may or may not be finished and/or started posting after November.

I am not, however, willing to label this a strike. The explanation for that will be under the cut.

First of all, I was planning to be on hiatus during November before I found out about the strike. I was planning to write a post about it today to pin, but I guess this is that post. I am extremely burnt out and I need to step back from posting for a while because of it.

My number one struggle as I’ve been in this fandom has been the language of productivity being associated with the hobby that I specifically picked up to combat alienation (in a Marxist sense). My fanfics are the thing that I create that I see through from start to (hopefully) finish, that gives me back a sense of my own humanity.

In the last two months especially I’ve had a massive influx of readers/subscribers/commenters/interaction here on tumblr, and my mental health has suffered a lot as I both did not expect it and because the language I at time face, especially in anonymous asks on tumblr that I just delete, which implies people are entitled not just to updates but to have a say in my fanfics. I welcome enthusiasm but unless we are actually friends, I probably do not want to hear what I SHOULD or even NEED to do with my fanfics. I was unprepared for this shift in my readers, as I’d previously had a solid and consistent reader base who were hugely and kindly supportive, but that was nothing like it has become, and I was not at all prepared for the change and I still am figuring out how to handle it.

I am also a genuine union member irl. As in, I go to meetings and pay dues and my job is protected and impacted by that union and when my actual union votes to go on strike I too go on strike. This means that strikes mean something very different to me. It is a tool of collective bargaining by a united, organized group of workers who majority agreed to go on strike, and it is done in negotiation with a smaller managerial group with power over them. On of the main fandom issues at hand here is readers acting like they should be managing fanfic production. I do not feel comfortable reinforcing that by saying I’m a worker/producer going on strike for better working conditions. Fanfic writers also are not wage earning workers, and I personally do not WANT to be—I need it to be a hobby. So, for me, applying the language of a strike which implies several things that are not true just does not work. I just cannot personally do it for myself, especially because I am working so hard to disassociate my fanfics from the language of productivity.

I fully support others calling this a strike if it is what is meaningful for them. I wholeheartedly support people participating in No Post November. I also wholeheartedly support people not participating in this if it does not fit their best interests.

I did not want to get involved in drama. I’ve deleted a lot of asks specifically because I have zero interest in participating in drama. I’m here to write for fun. I am not a worker, and I am not on strike. I’m a human being who is ultimately pretty fragile, and who has a lot to deal with, and I love to discuss my fics in a lighthearted manner, and I love to hear when people are enjoying it. I was avoiding discussing anything heavier because I am outright anxious about backlash when the people who are supportive can at times be overwhelming.

However, I think it’s probably appropriate I make some things extremely clear. I am a huge supporter of “Don’t Like, Don’t Read”, I’m anti-Censorship, and I’m pro “so-called problematic topics in fiction should have space to exist in the world”. I am, by both trade and training, literally involved in actual archives and other information spaces. Information professionals are ALL ABOUT freedom of information/free speech/preserving problematic speech. I wholeheartedly believe that problematic (but appropriately tagged) content should exist in Archive of Our Own especially, because freedom of information and freedom from censorship are literally core tenets of my profession. Yesterday, in a class on learning to be information professionals, one of my students came up with this maxim, which I think we all could learn something from: “You know people are starting to become a Problem when they start trying to ban books or ideas!”

At the extreme, I might not write Dead Dove content, but I fully support the fact that other people do, so long as it is appropriately tagged when posted to (in case of where I interact with fic) ao3. I am actually old enough to remember how important ao3’s creation was in the world of Fanfiction. I stand by and in fact celebrate that it inevitably contains work with “problematic” themes.

I do not, however, support anyone attacking anyone else in any scenario, from any side of any drama. Fandom drama is not new, and it will not go away, but it is exhausting when it’s not that hard to just click-off if you disagree with something. Learning to curate your spaces instead of attacking people is a key piece to existing on the internet (except, perhaps, on Twitter, which I’m told is fueled by fighting).

I have hope that everyone can work through this and that maybe we can all learn to treat each other with just a little more kindness, and remember that fanfic is a hobby done on top of other things, and that no one here is making money off of it—we literally cannot. It is the only hobby I have that people cannot tell me to try and monetize. So. I personally need to also have it kept away from language of labor/productivity, too.

Okay. I think that’s my spiel for now. If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I hold no ill will towards anyone, and in fact, would outright say I adore my readers. I hope that after this, maybe more writers will also have that feeling.

(and also that maybe I will no longer feel quite so burnt out and like the only person I actually want reading my fics is my Beta Reader, because that’s where I am now).

[theladylolitafiles]

The troubles of living with an uncommon mental illness.

I remember it vividly, it was a couple of days before my seventeenth birthday.

I was sat in the office, anxiously fiddling my hands.

Others had prepared me for a completely different diagnosis, so when i heard the words chronic and ptsd come out of my psychiatrists mouth i was at a loss for words.

I had never known that chronic ptsd was a thing before, and it was apparently something I had had since birth.

But if it was something that has been with me since birth, then why am I stressing so much about the chronic part?

I spent the entire afternoon after hearing the news sat in my room, thinking about what I had just heard.

I felt like my body was failing me, and news I thought would calm me down actually had made me more stressed.

Others around me didn't understand it either, so it was just a long journey of figuring out what it even meant.

Even though it's been so long, I am still figuring out what it truly means for me.

People ask me if I can't handle triggering things now, or if I panic over everything. But that is not true.

I am noticing a difference in people's demeanor,

People treat you like you're no longer human.

I had only received backlash as if it were my fault for having this chronic illness, but they don't understand that its not just a label, but that it also changes the way someone lives.

this short story isn't for me to vent, it's just to bring to light how the situation felt.

I have grown stronger after learning about my chronic mental illness, but I have also learned how people look down at you when you're living with something chronic, and how people can blame you for your diagnosis'.

I barely notice that I have chronic ptsd myself, but I think that's because I've accepted it and learned to live with it.

Not everyone is that acceptive of it and at first it was hard, but it comes with who I am and I can't change anything about the situation, how terrible it is.

So I have learned to let go.

Some people are just not worthy of your time, energy and love.

If they fail to accept you for who you are, with or without illnesses or anything. They're not worth it.

[the-firebird69]

Your Masters the max proper have been at you your whole lives and now you're attacking and you're destroying their bunkers successfully using a strategy that works and you have other things you have to do other than bother me to death and harass me and thinking you're getting something what you're getting is a backlash from them you can hardly lift your head around me I have to get all my stuff carry at home myself it's pitiful but they're the ones doing it and now you have a chance you see the light shining through it's possibly a way out. Your leaders are battered some of them are living dead but they brought you here to a place that you've never been at you've never been attacking these Macs I don't know a point in history except for the slow war where you hit a small bottom of them it's not what you thought it was and you're seeing it finally it's never happened like this before this is a singular event in history and it hasn't happened in Olympus time either but we should be celebrating stuff no but they won't let us point it out the right way so I pointed it out the wrong way

Zues

We ran around all day saying that we didn't do anything it's like 1% of them all the clothing is on the ships and they're closing top side I'm starting to get beat up a little find out this bunker systems are huge and they're mad at than hell. Tommy f is getting blamed and he's threatening the kid and that's why and yeah he didn't action up north and for some reason they attacked the bunkers and they blamed him he's sort of new about it and it worked now it's going on everywhere and the max are getting attacked and they really needed to and they're still very big but it's starting to work like you said and we have to sit down and do stuff that works sitting here aggravating him every night and every day didn't do much and he said it drew his attention to the Max and he knows that we're in large part mentally somewhat weaker getting injured very badly tbis from Iraq forward and it's not good and it's very dangerous for him doing this work it's very hard work and tedious to try and take on the Mac empire and back Daddy's helping him a lot I find him helping all the time he sees him making progress and we're not feeding him right and we're not getting the money pretty soon he's going to be as big as a damn elephant and he won't have enough money for food and we don't want him walking around like skinny like Dave this is a tough time for everybody but we're starting to see some progress we've never gone forwards and yeah we're going backwards but we always do let's try and look at the positive side I've never seen so many Max die in my life I'll tell you what they're pitiful people too no they're horrendous it's just like our son or my son I mean says in the movie he's talking about them he's using them as cover using pseudo empire as cover and he's saying they're brutal and they are and that's what he knows and we're kind of not brutal but we can be brutal mentally like a pack of b****** he says but it's going to be a lot worse and he's trying but really right now we have to dig in this we have to wake up and get that cold water on our face this is happening and they're giving us a backlash and a problem preparing for an attack and the foreigners are under duress in space and Tommy f is being a dick and really we need you up and we need to get up there this morning is not going to hold out our friend says and they've kind of bunch of stone chips we have to go down and we're going to get to work we need tools to do it I know what we need

Trump he's right motorcycles and stuff will get us there and he's been doing this stepping stone stuff right over me and around me he says no and I know it's right through me is pushing me over to get me out of the way since you hit the bunkers and stuff it's a percent but it's not as much as we need and it will push them into our areas I mean your areas all of them it's 25% of the world's population no it's more like 35% because you guys are going and more so I listen to I said wow we're getting screwed and somebody is saying it's up to 40 to 50% because we're leaving we need fly stuff and he's trying to work on it I tell you it's really difficult to express what it's like it's like this kid trying to draw something that we need to know we're not hinging on it we know what we need but he's trying to get it done it's really aggravating but it's much more aggravating for him

Trump

[justdeathwishsthings]

a thousand strings

-

i came to the conclusion that being engulfed by the waves would have had more warmth than your touch. then again, you drowned me with your words. your actions were parallel to a chain and ball that brought me down into the trenches of my hallow soul. your backlashes were setting the ocean on fire, after you covered me in gasoline. your waves were disguised as silk, when in fact, they were the same blades that cut my throat when i came up to cry for help.

-

i cut my lip on the chipped glass bottle, when i took the first sip-the carbonated liquid had a subtle metallic taste to it. gradually, it got worse with each swig to the point where my beating heart was stuck in that transparent object, and i was suffocating. reminding me of your kisses, and hugs, i never wanted the pain; yet somehow you stuffed me into a glass bottle and shattered it without cleaning and fixing the remnants.

i have the battle scars to prove it.

-

i tried, am trying, and will try to forget the detriment you caused my being. but, that’s all i can ever think about-the pain. but how can one forget horror when it embraces one’s self in the bed at night, strokes their hair, and tells them sweet nothings til they cry out of happiness that someone is there for them, but really that is the whole facade of things. they cry not out of happiness, but for help. they cry the salt-infused h2o even though it stings their open soul that is pried open by the monsters that play with the heart much like a child plays with a mother’s prized vase. the pain is unbearable, to the point where that’s all the memories-those moments of relief before the stabbing of the heart continues. i tried, am trying, and will try to forget who you are, but for now the pain has taken control, and i’m its puppet.

-

i wanted to show you empathy-all aspects of what empathy does and brings to me. i wanted to show you my emotions, explained in such a way to where you now understood why my mentality is bent. i wanted to show you my heart. my barely beating bruised heart. i just don’t want to be afraid anymore. i wanted to show you trust. each time i go to turn the knob of the door-that leads to the prepared escape of explanations-i hear them: chanting, screaming, pointing at me, telling me to burn at the stake because i am a psychopath. or find residence in an asylum full of non-existents, but me. i close the door, i really do wish i could show you the place in which i reside. but not with them in my past memories.

-

you said you were helping, but why were you drowning me?

-

remind me again as to why i still have strings attached to my vessel when you are no longer the puppeteer.

-

my heartstrings pull themselves at the thought of you. as if they know that i am exhausted from investing my energy into moving on from having feelings. but yet the song they create, i cannot help but crave each time silence welcomes itself in. or the taste of your name that sweetly rolls off the tip of my tongue and transfigures into a star that makes ripple effects in my eyes. you somehow changed my interpretation of the word ‘fine.’ something fake and plain, to safe and assuring. you are a safe place. and damn, i told myself i wouldn’t write another love creation. i guess i will pull some personal strings.

-

imagine us. just for a quick moment. in an run down, still barely functioning motel, just for one night. not making love or anything, but just talking. talking not with intertwined vowels and consonants, but with mind and soul. we wouldn’t be tracing the spine on each other’s back, no, we would be tracing the constellations that unfold from the lids of our closed eyes. imagine us sitting on the dirty balcony playing a card game or two-we aren’t drunk, just having fun, and maybe then will i hear you laugh from your core and it will penetrate through the levels of earth’s crust. just thinking of that, reminds me that my heart strings are still attached.

-

the future is here;and it’s you.

you wanted to hug me. just a long hug, nothing more. i stared at the words and only could manage a few vowels and consonants stringed together: “i am not used to this.” to go from control and abusiveness to acts of kindness...it was still new to me. them vs you. This is not a manipulative act i am trying to pull, i swear. i just cannot fathom how someone i have feelings for can make me feel like i am a masterpiece, and yet can assure me that they are a friend forever. the differentiation is refreshing. i trust you…i wonder, when we finally embrace each other, if you will be able to hear the song my heartstrings created-just for you.

**********************

[wonderful-bellies]

#When you are a vore blog and want to follow other non vore blogs cause you like what they post but you're worried they'll see a vore blog follow them and hate it and you feel like you need to apologize every time you follow someone new

[mqlaren]

Hey, firstly I just want to say your takes are always a treat when they pop up on my dash. Secondly I wanted to ask about your opinions on the backlash against Daniel after the dust had settled, I saw that you said calling him out was "important" and necessary multiple times, I sort of agree because what he said was so stupid and ignorant oh my gosh? But also it turned into a weird uncomfortable witch hunt towards the end, I saw multiple people saying they hope he crashes/parks his car into a wall/ gets hurt in some capacity. I always think any movement loses it's validity when it reaches that ugly place of people just getting angry and vicious for fun, so to that degree I think what could have been a productive learning opportunity was lost to that pointless rhetoric.

Tbh fam I didn’t see none of that non-productive whack ass shit on my dash but at the same time I don’t think we should let crackers silence valid criticism. I say calling him out is important because I think he can grow, I called him out because I like him

I consider myself a fan of Danny, a lot of the disappointment came from the fact that I think he’s proven he knows better, he’s BEEN an ally, he rode hard for BLM last year and this year. Shit was mad disappointing & cringe to hear him mumble that ignorant foolery because I expect better

On a personal level me and the BIPOC gang of ghouls remember that he was the only driver to publicly defend kneeling THIS YEAR and said they should continue kneeling indefinitely long after the majority of the grid buried their black screen #blm posts and moved on. He's BEEN honest bout his ignorance and the fact that in the past he’d avoided things like racism and mental health because he wasn’t educated and that negative criticism helped him learn

“I didn’t feel comfortable talking about it at the beginning of the year. So, starting to talk about things that you didn’t talk about before, be it racism, mental health or anything like that, it’s intimidating. So you need to prepare to receive criticism, or at least feedback that is not 100% positive ”.

“I think, especially with racism. Silence is a big problem, and people think you’re very comfortable in your position not to mention ”.

“I think that’s the point: build up courage. If you have a voice, make it heard.”

- Daniel, Feb 2021

^^^ this is why I think it was important, it hit hard for me, that's part of the disappointment. Mans shown he knows better and can grow

I know sum y’all in my inbox pointed out it’s down to the fact that Saudi investors have majority stakes in McLaren F1 and McLaren Automotive which is probably true but I don’t think that excuses it, that makes what he said cowardly imo he should have weaponised his privilege and voice like he proved he’s capable of doing last year and earlier this year

There are a couple of drivers on grid if they'd said what Danny had said I'd be like aight bet that's in line w/ ur character

For me I think backlash is important because I believe with my chest that Danny is capable of growth

The backlash is the only way an audience/fans can hold people accountable. The right to call out one of my favourite drivers is something I'm not willing to forfeit

Danny has shown that he can be an ally, which is what garnered the backlash from his own fans. It's important to call out your favs especially if you think they're capable of growth

Not cancelling him, just giving my man a well earned call out

If u like the mandem, call out the mandem – Socrates said that shit in sometime BC

[abeanblogs]

You know, it really sucks that marginalized groups have to familiarize themselves with the hate people throw at us so we can combat it. That we have to memorize the awful statistics. That we have to know the “other side” so we are prepared if it is used against us.

This can apply to any marginalized group who experience racism, ableism, homophobia, transphobia, etc. but as a trans person I’m going to focus on the trans/liberal experience.

In the reviews of any anti-LGBT+ or even seemingly pro-LGBT+ book, you will find a queer person who has read the book as a way to “screen” it for harmful narratives. For example, a book called “How To Accept Your Queer Child” may be pushing “hate the sin, love the sinner,” which isn’t acceptance. When a trans person comes out, we have to be prepared for every excuse and insult that comes our way.

“There’s only two biological genders!” —we have to be able to cite the science that proves that wrong.

“You can’t use ‘they’ for a singular person!” —we have to know the historical use of “they,” the history of pronouns, and the grammatical rules that disproves that.

“I refuse to see you as anything other than a boy/girl!” —we have to point to the statistics that show that refusing to accept a trans person makes a person XX% more likely to commit suicide, or similar statistics.

“Trans rights don’t matter/you already have equal rights!” —we have to know the legislation in place to protect us, as well as where we still face discrimination.

“Why can’t you just accept yourself instead of physically transitioning?” —we have to know the medical benefits and details of why medically transitioning is both physically and mentally necessary, not elective.

“But God says ______!” —we have to know either what in that specific religion disproves their own claim, and/or how that statement came to be believed through history and how it’s viewed in other religions; IE religious studies and history.

“Trans people don’t exist/aren’t natural!” —we have to know how historically, trans people have always existed and to cite specific examples, how psychologically and physiologically trans people come to exist, and how in biology and evolutionarily, the world has never been exclusively “male,” “female,” or “unchanging.”

“Trans people are predators!” —We must know statistics that disprove that and, counterpoint, the evidence that shows that trans people are far more likely to be victims of predatory or violent behaviors than the perpetrators.

“It’s just a recent trend!” —we need to show evidence of how we have always existed and why only now there is supposedly a sharp increase in the number of trans people; it’s because it’s a lot safer for us to come out and be visible, whereas before people were too terrified to come out or faced so much backlash that they faded to obscurity.

And that’s just what I could come up with off the top of my head. It’s not enough to merely exist. To be accepted, we have to be able to educate others and prove why they’re wrong. I don’t have any of these statistics memorized, but I know a little bit about queerness in almost every subject; history, grammar, biology, religion, psychology, sociology, medical, political, etc. and it’s not all because of personal interest. I have found myself in countless situations where I didn’t have the knowledge to defend myself, despite knowing that it exists. Or where things I learned from personal interest now have to be used to reply to someone questioning the related subject.

A kid asked me how being trans affects their loved ones, and I had to explain to them that coming out means potentially facing backlash and how to respond to it. This was an 11 YEAR OLD. And this 11 year old needs to be prepared to defend their existence if their family isn’t accepting and they need to be the one to educate them.

That’s TERRIFYING. And EXHAUSTING.

It always falls on us to educate others. I so rarely hear about ignorant or bigoted people educating themselves. I never hear of a transphobe familiarizing themselves with pro-LGBT+ content to combat us, or challenging their own beliefs of why they believe what they believe.

This especially goes for people who use religion to defend themselves; have you ever looked up when that Bible verse was translated and written into the Bible? Because the Bible wasn’t written in English and there’s a reason why there are so many religions around different interpretations of the Bible, so what makes you think yours is the Word of God? Have you ever stopped to think about why you were taught what you were taught and where that belief stems from in the first place? Because trans people have to do that every single day just to keep up with the hate they hear. And it’s hard and exhausting to feel like we are doing the work of both sides.

So if you know someone in a marginalized community you have complicated feelings about, or you’ve been called out for bigoted or misinformed beliefs, don’t leave that up to the person who is the source of those comments to disprove you on. Do your own goddamn research. And when doing that research, look up what that marginalized group thinks of that research source, or get sources directly from someone more educated in that marginalized group. But even then, it isn’t up to that single trans person to point you in the right direction.

Educate yourself. Do the work to be a more informed, understanding human. Because we already have, and we don’t want to do it again and again.