#just trying not to have a panic attack every time i go into lab so i am definitely not at the point where i can intelligently answer any an

[capyclub]

sigh today was so fucking bizarre

[angelisverba]

bug

in which harry is spider-man, and y/n happens to be at the wrong place, at the wrong time

word count: 4k~

pairing: spiderman!h and y/n

warnings: sexual assault. danger. angst. kissing. grinding. kinda mask kink?

author's note: i know i said i was gonna work on florist... but let's be honest, when have i ever done what i said i was going to do? he just grabbed me by the throat okay? i'm sorry.

Harry… he’s not like everyone else. 

He does things he doesn’t always enjoy doing, but he does them because he has to. Because if he doesn’t, then who will? These aren’t things he can hide, and he’s judged for them. Not everyone likes what he does.

But it’s fine. It’s part of the job. 

Being Spider-Man isn’t easy. 

The moment he was aware of what he could do, Harry accepted his fate of fighting crime, defending those that couldn’t with superhuman abilities which came from the bite of a radioactive spider at the lab he interned for. 

He felt so alone, so alienated under the harsh newspaper headlines that labeled him a demon, a criminal, a havoc, that sometimes he wondered what separated him from the bad guys he caught so violently with. It was a struggle to keep in mind his end goal: keep his city safe. To fight for good. To protect. 

Some nights, like tonight, he was so numbed by the repetitive nature of his days, the brutal fighting over and over again that seems to never end, that as he stooped on the ledge of a tall building, he wanted so carelessly to damn it all to hell. Why him? Why, why, why? 

Harry was tired, having not slept more than eight hours in the past week, and he the strain on his senses is noticeable. Every sound makes his breath catch in anticipation, any movement agitating his hyperfocused irises. He felt like a thread pulled tight. So tight, he was beginning to fray, to snapping. Normally, the suit he wears goes unnoticed. But tonight? He felt it on every inch of his skin. Harry wanted to rip it off. 

He’s playing with the fabric, snapping it against his skin, when he hears it. 

“No, please. I don’t have any money, please stop touching me, I’m begging you.”

The voice was female. Sweet and innocent, but filled with fear. It didn’t sound right. He swung off in the direction of the yelps before he even knew what he was doing, why he was doing what he was doing. 

“Oh, we know that,” a man laughed and there was a rustle telltale of struggle. He was a drunk, Harry knew by the phlegm in his tone, “you’ve got something much better than money.”

He was getting closer by the second, could almost feel his webs sticking to the girl’s assailant. All the fatigue from earlier melted off him as he entered the necessary headspace to fight someone. 

“Stop it! Stop! You’re hurting me!” The mystery girl was crying now, panic taking full control of her voice. 

“Quit moving, girl!” Harry could tell by the increased scuffling that her attacker was getting frustrated, his movements more aggressive. 

He was a blue of red and blue as he swung into the alley where a large bearded man had cornered and was pawing a young girl. He saw flashes of skin and clothing, and didn’t hesitate to kick the man off her. 

“She told you to stop,” he chastised. The webs shot out of his wrist at their own accord, wrapping around the man’s ankles and wrists and clamping over his mouth. He was on the floor now, thrashing and trying to regain some sort of balance, but Harry knew he had fully incapacitated him. 

The dim light leaking in from the flickering street lamp sprayed on the girl as she crouched in the corner, shivering with wide, wet eyes, and Harry’s heart broke. 

“It’s all right now, sweetheart,” he said softly so he wouldn’t scare her anymore than she already was. He knew what the media thought of him. 

She flinched at the sound of his voice, so he tried again, “I’m not going to hurt you-“ 

A loud grunt interrupted him, and a prickly feeling of irritation ran down his spine and jerked him into action. Harry picked the man up by the collar, grumbled out a shut up, motherfucker and knocked him out cold with a punch. 

“Sorry about that,” he huffed once the man slumped down silently, “did he hurt you?” 

The girl tilted her wobbly chin up, and it felt as though he had fallen from the tallest building in the city and smacked down on the ground back first, all the breath from his body vanished. She shook her head and shivered again, sniffling. 

“What’s your name?” Harry asked, whispering. Hoping that the smile hiding underneath his mask was audible. 

“Y/n,” she peeped, side-eyeing him like she was testing him, “and yours?” 

He chuckled, the sound low in his throat, “you know my name.” It wasn’t a question, but y/ nodded anyway. He thought the name was cute, fitting. He thought she was cute even in her disheveled state. Hair a flurry around her, her eyes rimmed with red and her cheeks pink from the chill of night. “Say it.”

It came out like a prayer from her lips, and he’s sure that he wouldn’t have heard it if it weren’t for his superhuman hearing. A thrill ran though him, his body tensing as if preparing to fight  “Spider-man.”

“That’s right,” his nod was a mere chin dip. He cocked his head, crouched low so they were at an even height. “Are you scared of me?”

“No.” 

“Good. How ‘bout I take you home? Spider-style.” He sprung up and held out his hand, waiting, hoping, for her to take it. 

She was tender in his palm, soft. Wrapping his hand around hers securely, he helped her to her feet and slung a web towards the bags she had dropped in the midst of her fighting. She tried to pull back, but Harry held her still and shook his head. 

“This won’t work if we’re not touching, you that right?” 

He watched as the realization set in, her eyes widening and her pouty lips parting. 

“We’re-?” She gestured loosely at him and the buildings, and he chuffed. Yeah, she was cute. 

“Yes. We are. Unless you want to walk?” 

“No.” 

“Good. Come closer. Closer,” she steps timidly forward until her mary janes are touching the tips of his booted feet. “I’m going to grab you now,” he warned. 

“Okay-“ looping an arm around her waist, he clutched her close. She was cold, smaller than him. Y/n was shaking, her heart beating fast. He could tell that she was still running high on adrenaline, and that it would only spike further. 

“Where do you live?” 

She rattled an address he recognized as one of the semi-safer parts of the city. 

“Ready?”

He doesn’t wait for the full yes to leave her mouth, and together they leave the ground. They swung between buildings, Harry reveling in the way she held on to him and squealed in his ear. It felt a lot like sharing, and when she laughed, he felt a little less lonely for the first time since all this happened.

When they land on her fire escape, he tries not to think about how erotic it feels to have her slide down the front of his body, or how her palms glide down his chest. Or how her breath hitches when he involuntary leans forwards. 

Instead he holds on tight to her goodbye, letting her sweetly mumbled “night, spidey” lull him to sleep when he gets home. 

And that was the first time they met. 

****

The next time, it’s burglars. 

It’s two guys in ski masks throwing bricks through the glass window of a romance bookstore, and a shrill scream that halts everything to a stop and sends him leaping down and swinging from light poles to get to the shop. The sun isn’t even all the way down yet. 

And Harry knows she’s there. His sense doesn’t pick up on people, but he knows because a funny feeling kicks it’s way through his gut and his heart beats a little faster. 

These guys have empty backpacks and thick jackets, heavy duty boots. Briefly, it occurs to Harry that out of all the places to rob, this is the most stupid. 

But it doesn’t matter how stupid the crime is, because it’s still dangerous, and she’s still in danger. 

From his vantage point behind the guys that didn’t even hear him land, he can see that y/n has taken a place behind the register and is on the phone- with the cops most likely. There aren’t any customers inside because- as the signs on the door says- they had just closed. So it’s just her. 

Harry waits for them to actually trespass (another crime to keep them behind bars) before actually doing anything. He shoots a web at one of the guys feet and another at his hands quickly, silently. The first, now on the floor, is yelling so that his partner, deeper in the store, gets a warning. 

“Fucking get the girl, Sly!” He shouts. 

Sly, the other guy in the store, takes one look over his shoulder and does as he was told. He jumps at y/n, and suddenly there’s a gun in his hand. 

Suddenly, Harry can’t breathe because it’s pressed against y/n’s temple. She’s in a chokehold at his chest, clawing at a meaty bicep and choking back tears of fear. 

“Now, Sly,” he held his hands out in front of him and slowly walked forward. “There’s no need for all this. Let the girl go.” 

“Shut up! Shut up! I need to think,” Sly’s eyes were wide beneath his mask. He’s frazzled and huffy and Harry’s so scared he’s going to act irrationally. His senses are peaked, eyes tracking every minuscule movement in search of an opening. Y/n is trying to make eye contact with him (or at least as much as she can through the mask) to gain some kind of reassurance, and it’s crushing him that he can’t look at her. 

Sly fucks up, using the gun to scratch his head while thinking, and Harry steps in, webbing his hand to the nearest fixture in a move that knocks the weapon out of his hand. The other however, is still around y/n, so he’s running forward to snatch her away while he’s busy glancing at his hand. 

Once she’s safely deposited on the side somewhere- and he doesn’t miss the way her hands follow him as he falls away, as if mourning the loss of his touch- Harry eagerly pummels the guy. 

“Fuck you and you’re thinking,” he grits out, clocking him once, twice, and three times before he’s unconscious on the floor. 

His chest is heaving, his fist flexing out from its clench. Turning and stepping over the body, he asks, “Are you alright, y/n?” 

“You remembered my name,” she said. She stood up, walking towards him as he did the same. They’re chest to chest, and she lifts a hand. Trying to touch him. 

But he can’t bear it. Can’t bear her touching him because he knows it’ll break him. So he catches the and holds it mid-air. Tries to appease her by combing her hair back with his free hand, and it works. 

“‘Course I did, sweetheart,” he’s taken by the way she leans into his touch, nuzzling his hand like a puppy. In a trance almost, one that’s broken by the distant screech of cops. “I have to go.”

He lets her go, and- “Spider-man, wait!” 

But he couldn’t wait, the sirens were just around the corner. 

****

The third time it’s by accident, and she doesn’t even know it’s him. 

The brush shoulders at a coffee shop, and the distinct smell of her perfume making turn around, like those cartoons with the pie, to watch her walk down the street through the window. Harry is mesmerized by the swing of her hips and is surprised by his Victorian fascination over the swish of her skirt against her ankles. Teasing. She has a tote bag slung on her shoulders, and a book in one hand while the other brings her iced tea to her lips. His eyes lock on her tongue swiping up a droplet of her drink, and his teeth clench. He can’t do this. Not with her. He can’t lust after her. She’s too sweet. 

He frowns and shakes his head because she’s reading while walking, and in the city that’s just begging for an accident. 

He glances down at the title. 

And then he goes to buy it at the bookstore she works at. 

**** 

So it’s the fourth time now. Not even two days after he saw her at the coffee shop. And again, she doesn’t know it’s him. 

He understands why she got hired at the pink romance store. He’s walking around like a creep, an isle over as she makes her way through the customers, asking if they need help and recommending her favorites (all of which he memorizes) or whatever might fit their inquiries. Her voice sweeter than all the times he had previously heard it. She has a very interesting way of talking about sex in books, very innocent. And suddenly, Harry realizes she isn’t. 

He finds the book she was walking around with the other day, and is flipping through it when she stumbles upon him. 

“Oh!” she stutters, skirting to a stop and glancing down at what’s in his hands. He keeps his gaze locked in her face, notices the way her skin flushes when she notices what he’s holding, and how she struggles to maintain eye contact with him as she says, “that one is- it’s uh- really good.” 

Just to fuck with her, he tucks the novel under his arm and cocks a hip against the shelf. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yep.” She rolls her lips in her mouth and flicks her eyes over to the shelf next to him, then back to the book under his arm and her face turns red. 

Harry attempts to hide his smirk, and fails. “Got any other ones you liked as much as this one?” 

Nodding, “A few.” 

“Great, I’ll take them.” 

She rings him up, bright red, and stutters her way through a conversation about what it’s like to work here, if it’s safe, if the rumor about the robbery was true. 

And he’s so, so pleased, when she said, “spider-man took care of me,” with the dreamiest smile dawning on her angelic face. 

**** 

The fifth time he can’t stop thinking about her. 

He’s incredibly surprised at her explicit choice of reading material. 

Two out of the three novels explore mask kinks. 

Who do they both know wears a mask? 

Him.

In the novel she was so caught up in she couldn’t even put it down as she was walking down the street, the female heroine is rescued my a masked vigilante whom she later has very kinky sex with. Mask included. 

And… well, Harry just can’t but think that it’s such a coincidence that she picks up this book after their interaction. That she’s so consumed by it she can’t leave it alone, not even while she’s walking, and then she blushes at the mere mention of his name. Could it possibly be that… she was thinking of him? 

No. 

No it couldn’t be. 

She was too… too sweet to be reading this absolutely filthy things. Too pretty. 

He’s confused, and maybe that’s why he finds himself pacing the roof of the building across from her in the dead of night, staring at her fire escape like a total weirdo. The newspapers would have a field day with what he was doing, and y/n would run for the hills screaming if she knew what he was thinking about. 

Flashes of all the indecent things he wanted to do to her ran through his mind like a torture montage. His head between her thighs with only the bottom half of his mask pulled up. Kissing her while she’s completely naked, sitting in his lap while he’s still totally dressed in his suit. 

He wanted to-

There was a flicker of light at the window he knew was hers, and everything in him stilled. He watched like a peeping tom as y/n opened her window and crawled onto the fire escape. She was in a flimsy pair of shimmery shorts and a t-shirt that just barely grazed her belly button. 

She wasn’t wearing a bra, and from his vantage point he could see the peaks of her nipples poking against the fabric, taunting him. 

Harry groaned, low in his throat. 

And then she looked at him. 

Eyes wide, lips parted, her hands clenching and unclenching against her thighs that were pressed together and-

A breeze swept through in his direction, and carried the scent of arousal. 

Her arousal. 

She mouthed hi. 

And then he was on her fire escape, standing right in front of her. His body was tense, ready to spring into action. Silently, he crouched at the opposite end of her, the space between them small on the rickety fixture. 

“Spider-man,” she whispered, as if testing the waters. There was an eagerness in her tone, and Harry had an idea of why that was. He felt it too, hard in his cock. 

“Hello, y/n,” he rasped. 

“What are you doing here?”

“You know. You know why I’m here.” He tilted his head and beckoned her, “come. Sit.” Harry pointed at his thighs, and sluggishly, y/n got up and straddled him. He could feel her thighs quivering around him, weak from nerves or lack of balance, so he placed his hands on her hips and guided her so their centers aligned, and they were looking right at each other’s face. 

“I don’t understand,” her lips were pouty, shiny under the mooonlight. He wanted to bite them until they were swollen.

“Don’t lie,” he pinched her thigh in punishment and then soothed it with a soft caress. “Lift up my mask.” 

Her shaking hands crept up his chest, feeling, and he groaned, absently thrusting up into her. She gasped, but her hands continued to move, wrapping delicately around his throat in search of the seam. When she found it, she pulled the mask up, but stopped so it rested at the bridge of his nose. Just as he knew she would. 

Chilly fingers skittered on the line of his jaw, over his lips. Her eyes dazed, memorizing, “What’s going on?”

“Will you do as I say, y/n?”

“Yes.” 

Their mouths came together in a rush, wet and lacking any order. Like they were picking back up in the middle of a make-out session. She tasted like mint, cool and fresh and dulcet. Her tongue was timid, submissive to his, but equally as curious. His teeth grazed her lips, and she purred. Her core felt molten hot even through his suit, and he knew without even having to touch her that she was so wet for him. 

 Harry pulled back and rested his forehead against hers, their chests heaving as they greedily suck in air, “take what you want from me. I’ll give it to you. But don’t ask questions. And don’t take off my mask. Understand, sweetheart?” 

“Mhm.” 

“Good. Now sit,” to emphasize, he pushes her down on his thick cock and rubs her back and forth, “in my lap and grind your sweet little pussy on me until you come.” 

Y/n flushes at his vulgarity, and leans back in to kiss him, her hands finding purchase on his shoulders as she begins to move just how he showed her. The weight of her pussy on him engulfed him, and as she dragged up against him, slowing down and pausing at the head of his dick and swiveling so he could feel her clit, stars exploded behind his clenched eyes. Y/n was already whimpering, hot mouthfuls of air puffing into his mouth so it was clear she wasn’t breathing right. He pulls back and dips his head so he’s able to kiss down her throat and to her chest, bringing his mouth to the plushy mouth of her tits. 

“That’s it,” he praises against her nipple, “that’s it, sweet girl, you’re almost there.” 

Her moans fill the air, increasing and climbing until she shatters and Harry fucks up against her like it’s the real thing. A wet spot darkens the front of her panties, and he’s sticky inside his suit. They’re both spent, heaving as they clutch each other on the fire escape. 

Y/n nuzzles against him, “will you come back?” 

“I’ll try, sweetheart,” he whispers kissing her forehead and standing with her in his arms so he can place her safely back inside. 

He doesn’t follow, doesn’t cross the threshold.

Because if he does, their night won’t end just yet.

[multifandomfanficss]

Never Listen To Venkman

Egon Spengler x Reader

(With platonic!Peter Venkman)

Prompt: When you and Peter are left alone to experiment with a suspicious, blue, viscous slime, things go south and Egon comes home to you having a paranormal induced panic attack.

Warnings: panic attacks, autistic meltdowns, sensory issues, detailed descriptions of sensory issues, feeling uncomfortable in one’s own skin.

A/N: Back in my Ghostbusters era. It is contractually obligated that I must re-obsess every time a new movie comes out. I’ve loved Egon since I was a little kid. I can’t believe I’ve never written for him. The italics are flashbacks. This is crossposted on my AO3 adriansglasses.

The reader is intended to be autistic, but can be read any way you’d like. Anyone is allowed to relate and see themselves in the reader wether they’re autistic or not!

You were sitting at your desk with in your small shared lab with Egon in the firehouse when you heard footsteps. You thought you had been home alone until Peter walked in.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were going on a double date with Winston while Ray and Egon were at the movie.” You questioned him, putting down your pen. You had been taking notes on a new kind of slime the boys had found. It was different from the other slime they’d found last month when Vigo was trying to take over. While Vigo’s slime was pink in color, this slime was blue and had a more viscous consistency.

“Oscar had a fever, so Dana and I decided to cancel. She thinks he’s getting his first tooth.” Peter smiles. Despite the jokes he’s made and the amount of times he’s said he was nowhere near ready to be a father, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t happy being back with Dana again and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t love Oscar just as much as he loved her.

“Did Winston still go?” You ask.

“Oh, yeah. He’s probably back in her apartment with the bed rocking as we speak. No way he’s coming home tonight.” Peter laughed at his own joke as you cringe.

“You’re disgusting.” You roll your eyes.

“What are you up to tonight? Got a hot date with a slime? Not too different from your usual dating life.” He chuckles.

“You’re such a dick, Venkman. I figured while everybody was out tonight I’d try to find out SOMETHING about this new slime. Egon and I have been studying it for two days and we have literally nothing.” You gesture to the blue goo on your desk.

“Do you need help?” He asks.

“Are you offering to help me on your night off?” You ask, shocked.

“I’ve got nothing better to do.” Peter shrugs.

“Are you gonna take it seriously?” You hesitate.

“I’m always serious!” Peter bluffs. Peter was never serious. Egon was always serious. His bluntness and black and white thinking had always been a comfort to you. He wasn’t some puzzle you had to figure out. He just was. Being with him wasn’t a guessing game the same way it was with Peter.

“Somehow that’s hard to believe, but I could really use your expertise in parapsychology, so I’ll say yes.” You sigh. You know this probably isn’t the best idea, but Peter knows more about this topic than you do. You’d be stupid to reject his help.

“If you’ll be the subject, I’ll run the experiment.” He says, taking out the helmet with wires.

“Okay.” You agree. Once the helmet is on you should be connected to a series of machines able to read the energy of your emotions, as well as the slime itself, giving you a more direct connection without touching. Peter starts asking you a series of questions, trying to draw different emotional responses.

“Think of a time when you were happy, really happy.” He prompts. Your mind, wandered around the room, trying to think of something, when your eyes landed on Egon’s book sitting on his desk.

It made you think of the first time you realized you had deep feelings for him. While you’d always thought he was attractive, you realized your feelings were deeper than you thought, far beyond a harmless little crush, one day when he let you borrow his book. As you read his notes in the margins you were able to analyze things like him, see the world through his eyes. You saw how his brain connected and processed things. You always liked the person he’d shown you, but writing in the margins is different. When you take notes in a book, you’re not putting on a mask for people to see. Notes in the margins are just for you. There’re your unfiltered thoughts. Seeing who Egon was when nobody was watching was different. He was funny, smart, deep, curious, not as confident as he pretended to be; he didn’t censor himself in his books. He wasn’t quiet in his books. Reading his margins felt intimate.

“You’re thinking about Spengler, aren’t you?” Venkman teases.

“Why would you say that?” You look at him, embarrassed.

“Because you’re in loooooove!” Peter mocks.

“Can we change the subject?” You practically beg.

“Think of a moment where you were uncomfortable.” Peter prompts.

“This conversation.” You fiddle with your fingers.

“No, really. I wanna see how it reacts to discomfort.”

“Fine.” You sigh. You think back to one of your many lab accidents. Working in a lab with sensory issues is never easy and that was something you and Egon both struggled with.

You think back to the day when you superglued your fingers shut by accident. You got them apart, but you couldn’t get the the residue off. You started to hyperventilate, on the verge of tears. You wanted to hit your hands on things, but you knew that wouldn’t help. You couldn’t peel off the glue without peeling off your skin.

“What’s wrong?” Egon looked at you puzzled, and a bit worried.

“Superglue! I- I- I can’t get it off!” You shake your hands, violently, your whole body is tensed up.

Egon quickly takes a bottle out from his desk drawer and runs over to you. He grabs your hands.

“Look at me, (Y/N). It’s okay. I’ll take off all the residue.” He promises, giving you a soft smile. Despite not liking seeing you in such discomfort, he forces the smile to help calm you down. He begins to massage the liquid from the bottle onto your fingers with a rag.

“See, it’s okay. It’s coming off.” He continues to speak softly, calming you.

“What is that stuff?” You ask.

“I wish I could say it’s some sort of fancy, scientific, protective disinfectant, but as it so happens it’s only nail polish remover.” You both chuckle quietly. “Janine gave it to me the last time I got superglue on something and couldn’t get it off.” He smiles down at your hands, still focused on getting the last little bit off.

“This slime is so different from the mood slime. I thought I saw it let go of a bubble, but it’s mostly doing nothing. I think it might be dead. I think it might be time to bury it in the backyard.” Peter begins to fake sob.

“Knock it off.” You laugh. “What backyard? This is Manhattan!”

“You should try touching it.” Peter suggests.

“Egon, said I should under no circumstances touch it directly, especially while he’s not here.” You inform him.

“Well Egon, is being overprotective. Nothing bad happened when everyone else touched the pink slime and I accidentally ate green slime once.” Venkman says.

“What do you mean accidentally?” You ask.

“It was our first mission. Slimer ran through me. It was a whole thing. I think you should touch it… You might be able to figure out what it is before Spengler gets back…” He tries to change your mind.

“You’re sure there were no serious side effects from touching the other slimes?” You ask, hesitantly. Egon would be annoyed if he found out you went against his pleas to keep your hands away from the plasma, but you wanted to impress him.

“Nothing serious. I grew an extra pinky, but they cut it off.” He jokes.

“Haha, very funny, Venkman.” You roll your eyes.

“Fine.” You sigh, taking a deep breath before plunging your hand into the blue viscous goo. “Oh…This is literally fine.” You feel no effect, but when your heart rate picks up you realize you spoke too soon. You fall onto the floor, knocking over the slime. You feel like your heart is racing, like it could beat out of your chest and you can’t suck enough air into your lungs. You’re terrified.

“(Y/N)!” Peter yells, rushing to the floor to help you. He tries to touch the the hand not covered in blue slime, but you push him away, sobbing. You don’t want him anywhere near you. You’re slipping away from reality into a deep state of panic and paranoia.

“Please! No!” You sob. It’s the only thing you can manage to get out. You barley recognize Peter anymore. He doesn’t feel like a friend. He feels like a threat.

“Honestly, the movie was quite terrible. Ray stopped for a 99 cent pizza on the corner. What did you- (Y/N)?!” Egon speaks as he enters the room, cutting himself off when he notices you’re in distress.

“Pete, what happened?!” Egon questions once he sees Venkman.

“We were doing an experiment and they touched the goo and they just started freaking out. They won’t let me near them.” Peter tells him, obviously shaken. You hear the two men, but you don’t process them. It’s like you’re underwater.

“This is different from their usual sensory issues. I think they’re having a panic attack.” Egon kneels in front of you. “(Y/N), you’re okay. You’re safe. You’re in the firehouse. I’m here.” He tells you slowly.

“I- I can’t breathe!” You gasp for air.

“Your lungs are expanding and contracting at a rate too fast for your body to intake oxygen. I need you to try to breathe slow and deep with me. In…and out. Nice and slow.” He prompts. “Peter, I need latex gloves and towels.” Venkman could have made multiple jokes about Egon’s command, but looking at you this way made him uneasy. It wasn’t the right time. After being handed the gloves, Egon slipped them on and got to work cleaning off your slime covered arm. You begin to sob, overwhelmed by the feeling of the slime, the latex gloves, and the towel. It was difficult to handle on top of your panic attack. “Peter, we need to get them into the decontamination shower.”

“No!” You gasp between sobs.

“Come, on. I’ll go with you. We can get all the plasma off of you.” Egon speaks softly, but with a gentle urgency, as he tries to coax you to the shower. You shake your head no. “Are you against touch right now?” He asks.

“They did not like when I touched them.” Venkman warns.

“Only you-“ You break out in a sob. It doesn’t even cross your mind that you may be offending Peter by only wanting Egon. Luckily he’s not offended. Egon begins to take off his glove to provide skin to skin contact on the arm not drenched in slime in an effort to comfort you.

“Aren’t you worried about getting that stuff on you?” Venkman questions, worried Egon will shutdown like you.

“I’m getting in the decontamination shower anyway.” Egon shrugs, turning to you. He takes your hand in his, softly rubbing the top with his thumb.

“But- but your clothes will get all wet!” You sob. You knew Egon had his own sensory issues. You’d often have to help him when his long sleeves would get wet during experiments. It would drive him crazy. He avoided puddles like the plague and always had an umbrella nearby.

“Try not to worry about me right now. I just want you to focus on your breathing. I can always change my clothes.” He smiles. While it hurts him to see you so distressed, he was happy to know you cared about his comfort. “Let’s go shower. You can’t leave all that slime on you. I believe it’s worsening your mental state.” You nod, still crying.

“I’ll get them under the shower, I’ll need you to turn it on. Make sure not to touch the slime. I got a minuscule amount on my finger and it’s making me rather anxious. I can only imagine what this amount is doing to them.” Egon tells Peter. He helps you to stand, walking your trembling form over to the shower. “There we go. Just a few more steps. You’re doing wonderfully, (Y/N).” Egon softly attempts to comfort you.

Once you’re under the shower head, Venkman turns it on. Both you and Egon jolt at the sudden water pressure. He tightens both his jaw and his grip on you, holding his eyes shut tight. He can’t stand the feeling of his wet clothes against his body, but he’s brave for you. Once adjusted to the water, Egon begins to wash the slime off your body with care. Peter leaves to go upstairs and get you some towels. You feel the panic and paranoia start to leave your body. Despite still being incredibly anxious, you were starting to phase out of your slime induced panic attack. You lean against Egon, struggling to hold your own body weight. Maybe you’ll be more embarrassed tomorrow, but right now you just needed to be held. You were craving pressure on your body. You felt as if you would float off the ground if you weren’t held down. Egon wraps his arms around you, bringing you closer. He places a kiss on your forehead before placing his chin on top of your head. You snuggled into his chest, finding his pulse. You didn’t have the time or the bandwidth in your brain to think about what the kiss meant. You just wanted to be close to him.

“You’re okay, (Y/N). You’re safe.” Egon tells you. You’re not sure if it’s for your benefit or his. It’s for both, really.

You’re quiet for most of the night, unable to bring yourself to speak. Egon doesn’t mind. He thinks a verbal shutdown is more than understandable after the night you’ve had. After the shower, you follow Egon around the fire station. You don’t want to be alone right now. He doesn’t mind. He puts out some of his clothes for you to wear; pajama pants and one of his soft sweaters. He goes to leave the room for you to change, but you stop him.

“Can- can we just like? Turn around?” You ask. “I’m sorry. If you’re uncomfortable, that’s okay. I just really don’t wanna be alone right now.” You voice is hoarse from crying.

“Of course.” He smiles, turning around.

“I’m decent.” He informs you after a minute of rustling.

“Me too.” You tell him and you both turn around.

“I’m sorry.” You tell him, near tears again. You feel awful for how tonight went. This was supposed to be the boys’ day off. Egon gives you a sad look.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You were just trying to help. Venkman told me he put you up to it anyway.” Egon sighs.

“I probably shouldn’t have listened to him.” You let out a sad chuckle, one tear slipping past you, down your cheek. You wipe it quickly.

“Never listen to Venkman.” Egon gives a sad laugh.

“At least we figured out what the slime does… Egon, can I ask you a question?” You hesitate.

“Well, you just did, but yes.” He smiles, joking to lighten the mood. You smile at him.

“Why did you do all that? You took off your gloves, putting yourself at risk and then you put yourself through sensory hell just to get me cleaned up.” You question him.

“Isn’t it obvious? (Y/N), I care about you.” You look at him, thinking about the tone in his words. You can’t quite decipher it, but there’s something else there. Is it possible he could feel the same way about you that you feel about him? “You should get some sleep.” He interrupts your thoughts. “If you’d rather not be alone, you may sleep in my room tonight. I would find it beneficial to monitor you overnight to watch for long lasting effects, anyway.” He adds.

“Only if that’s okay with you.” You hesitate.

“Of course it’s okay with me. I just suggested it.” He smiles.

Once you’re settled into bed, Egon turns off the lights and climbs in next to you.

“Egon, I’m still anxious.” You blurt out into the dark.

“Do you need pressure?” He asks.

“Yes.” You say, hoping he doesn’t mind. He doesn’t seem to mind, as he scoops you into his arms. You cuddle into his chest, surrounded by him, surrounded by safety. You know this should be weird, but it doesn’t feel weird. As Egon kisses the top of your forehead again, bidding you goodnight, you wonder what this all means. You wonder what you are to each other. You feel you’ve crossed the line as friends, but you’re too tired and too awkward and too anxious to talk about labels. You and Egon never quite fit into boxes as people anyway. Your relationship didn’t need to either. Whatever this was between you was comforting. It was safe and it was going to help you sleep tonight.

[daturabouquet]

Defying the Doctor's Orders. 🧪

Dottore x Fearful!Reader

[Warnings: dubious consent to examination, spanking, intimidation, violence]

As the Second Harbinger's lover, you're no longer a normal citizen. You can no longer visit regular doctors either, but what a coincidence! Your lover is a "doctor"! He'll take care of your checkups.

If only you just followed his orders...

❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎ 𝐈𝐥 𝐃𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞 ❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎❤︎

"But dottore-!" You squirm, whining as he corners you. All you did was get a fever, and he's already all over you. Every single time you pass by his lab, you dread getting a glance of his examination room. The metal bed is always bloody, and you always hear screams coming from that room. Now, you're in their position. In that same exact room, screaming the same volume.

Dottore keeps on cornering you, blocking your every exit. "I thought you said you trusted me, (name)?" He tuts, grabbing your wrist with a death grip, enough to fracture your poor bones.

"I-I trust you as an individual but not as my doctor!" You quiver more, shaking like a leaf. Dottore sighs and gently coaxes you onto the hard metal bed, keeping his voice gentle and soothing. "Darling, I will never hurt you beyond what's necessary. I'd be quite disappointed if you keep fighting me off." He softly states.

As Dottore hoists you on the metal bed, you can't help but squirm even more despite his warnings, and you accidentally kick one of his nearby vials.

Shatter!

Color drains from your face. Your movements come to a halt as the doctor shows a very obvious toothy frown.

"If you were to be any other experiment you would have been dead." Dottore hisses through his teeth, now picking up something from under the table. "I reckon you'd prefer a less Doctor-like approach. I can do that dear." Dottore said, softly stroking your skin. "Let's try a disciplinary approach. Maybe giving you a clear consequence will get you to cooperate." Your curious eyes wander and finally catch a peek of what's in his other hand; a dreaded riding crop, formerly used to examine pain receptors. Dottore wants to exhaust you, swat away all of your energy for the sake of the examination. It's just a doctor's visit, he's doing this for your own good! Yet you fight him as if he's going to mutilate you. That's no way to treat your caretaker now, is it?

"D-dottore! Please- I-I'm scared-" You cry out, hopelessly begging to be set free. Kicking and crying won't help you, you know deep down just how cold-hearted your lover is. You know how he treats his "patients", and you worry deeply if he'll treat you the same.

Dottore sighs and kisses you on the lips, gently soothing your nerves. Before you can utter another word, he keeps on kissing you, gently laying you down. You can't fight back a kiss, especially one so gentle and warm. Dottore keeps pushing you down until your back finally meets the cold metal. You whimper, you can feel a panic attack coming up, but whatever thought that was in your mind went blank as your lover positioned you sideways facing him. Your face still close to his, but your bottom was exposed to the air, no longer pressed against the metal bed.

"D-dottore, w-wh-"

Your pitiful protest was cut off by a harsh swat to your poor rear.

"A-AH!" You yelp, only to be answered with another swat. You never thought your lover would ever do something like this.

Swat, Swat, Swat!

Your screams are muffled by his lips, which he clashed onto yours. Just when you thought you were safe and loved by the doctor, you get a little taste of what it's like to be truly under his control.

"Mmmph! Mm.. Mm!!"

Swat, Swat, Swat!

The sound of the rubber cracking down on your sensitive skin fills the room, along with your little sobs and sniffles.

"Why are you doing this-" You sob out, but the doctor only replies with a quick clasp to your mouth. What a great position to be in.

He shuts you up, while beating your ass senselessly with a riding crop.

"Hmm!-Mmm!!"

Your cries fall on his deaf ears.

"This is for your own good, dear."

Swat!

"I've had it with your defiance."

Swat!

"You deserve this treatment."

Swat!

--

Ten, twenty, thirty? Swats cracked down on you, tinting your skin a deep red. Your blue haired lover finally lets you go, with tears and drool running off your face. You can barely move, let alone struggle against him. Once he's happy with your state, he gently puts you into restraints, to prevent any more of your pathetic attempts. He snaps on a pair of clean medical gloves, before holding a flashlight.

His other hand forces your mouth to open up. With the sudden light hindering your sight, you know that you've lost, and you can only submit from this point on.

"Say Ahh..."

------

[moreespressoformydepresso]

I was thinking about my AU’s where the tributes get their medical care after all the fixing and for a while now I’ve had it in my head that most of them don’t know what good medical care actually looks like so I decided to type it out!

So it’s pretty clear the Capitol oppresses the districts and treats them like shit at every opportunity, even if it’s against their own benefits. Treating them better and helping them advance would probably lead to more productivity, better products and far lower chance of a second rebellion but it’s apparently more fun to be an evil scumbag so into the toilet we go. This probably means they don’t let the Districts have any medical care, even if keeping your workers happy is a better decision. Meanwhile, the Capitol has all this fancy medical equipment like defibrillators and oxygen masks and anesthesia and stuff. Now imagine a bunch of terrified, injured kids who do not trust anyone but each other suddenly having all these unfamiliar machines shoved in their face while people in white lab coats prepare to inject them with a needle containing heavens know what kind of weird fluid.

That’s… not gonna go over well

Predictably, the kids all freak out and while their reactions are dimmed due to the several peacekeepers with guns surrounding them, quite a few like Reaper and Coral are still putting up a fight, several others are currently having a panic attack because “Oh no they’re gonna kill us anyway” and everyone is far too tense to be given the anesthetics necessary.

So what’s the solution? Having the mentors sit with their tributes and explain what’s going on because these kids will not believe anybody else. It’s the best option right now, and it would be especially interesting if this is emergency care and thus happening in a public space somewhere so people can see that. They can see the effects of their behavior in real time as literal 12-year-olds know not to take a Capitol citizen’s word for anything.

What makes doing this so interesting to me is the possibility to explore the different levels of effectiveness in this strategy and everyone’s way of handling it. Tributes like Lucy Gray, Jessup, Lamina, and Dill would calm down and listen to what their mentors are saying, possibly asking curious questions about how all of this works in more depth. Teslee and Circ would already know the technical stuff and ask about the more hands-on kinds of treatment, because they know this is gonna happen whether they like it or not so they try to distract themselves from it with curiosity.

Meanwhile, tributes like Bobbin, Reaper, Treech and Brandy are not calmed down in the slightest. Reaper stares Clemensia down with clear distrust and only ends up unhappily letting this happen because of Dill, Bobbin is slowly starting to get angrier and angrier with every snippy comment he throws Juno’s way about all the reasons he dislikes her. Brandy looks one wrong move away from a murder (though in fairness Arachne is only just starting to crack the code on how the tributes are just kids so she wasn’t the best person to be doing this anyway) and Treech is relaxing his muscles but he isn’t calming down at all. It becomes pretty clear with the several nervous glances he’s just scared Vipsania will punish him somehow for not complying, which she could given the peacekeepers around. She has to reassure him she won’t and be far more vulnerable and honest about her inner conflict since meeting him in order to make him (very reluctantly) give her the benefit of the doubt.

Marcus may clearly dislike Sejanus, but he does trust him enough to let the medical stuff happen and Sejanus goes around to help the mentors who are struggling with calming their tributes down. You can pry these two slowly reconciling from my cold dead hands and my ghost will just come to steal it back.

I think it would show the Capitol these kids are all different people, and moreover it would show them that they’re just reacting to the way they’re being treated. They’re fully capable of trusting Capitol citizens, but as Bobbin so helpfully makes them understand: some of them don’t have any reason to. Why trust someone with your life when you couldn’t even trust them to bring you food? When it’s so obvious they just needed you for their own gain or you’ve lost so much to the Capitol already that it just isn’t worth the risk?

Idk I thought it might be fun to explore

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Echoes of the Past (Angst)

2003!Donatello x reader

Donatello has had problems with PTSD after all of the things he and his brothers have been through. One day he accidentally shocks himself, causing him to have a panic attack, causing you to step in to help.

Both you and Donatello are aged up to at least their early twenties.

Warnings: Description of triggering, description of a person having a panic attack, mentioning of torture.

------------------------------------

It was no secret that Donatello had been through a lot. His teenage years had been hard on both him and his brothers, causing all of them sleepless nights every now and then.

When you first meet Donatello in his teens it was not unusual for him to stay up at night, to work in his lab on whatever project he had set his mind to. Neither was it when the two of you started dating, and when you officially started your relationship. But what you learned as time went on, was that Donatello didn’t stay up just to work on his genius ideas, but because he just couldn’t sleep sometimes. And as time went on it became a way for him to keep his mind occupied. It was a way to distract himself so he wouldn’t think of the things that brought him stress and anxiety.

For Donnie, these painful thoughts would show themself when he was laying in bed, trying to fall asleep. Some nights were better than others, but there were those nights where he just couldn’t stand it. There were times when the two of you had gotten to bed, all cuddled up in each other’s arms underneath a warm blanket. You would fall asleep, but sometimes Donnie wouldn’t. He would just lay there with his eyes closed, trying his hardest to fall asleep. He would try to ignore the horrible memories that come to the forefront of his mind. The feeling of pain in his leg before he turned into… a monster. His time in a parallel future… his brothers dying in front of him. When he thought Splinter had died because of him… The triceraton…

No.

Donnie couldn’t think about it. He wouldn’t think about it. It was hurting him too much. So instead of thinking about those horrible things, he would get out of bed and go straight to the lab.

You knew what troubled Donnie’s mind. And you knew Donnie didn’t like to talk about it. Those few times you had tried to bring it up, he would simply smile and dismiss it, as if there was nothing wrong. But something was wrong. Yet you knew better than to push your boyfriend to talk about something he wasn’t ready for. Instead you would wake up and find his side of the bed empty. Sometimes you would just go back to sleep, and sometimes you would check on him. Just like you did that night when the barrier finally broke.

You had woken up to find Donnie’s side of the bed empty once again, and then went to check on him in the lab. He was sitting hunched over, working on some brightly colored wiring, determination in his eyes.

You went to his side and placed a supportive hand on his shoulder. “What are you working on?”, you asked, showing the same interest you always had in the things Donnie was working with.

“Just updating the computer”, he answered, nodding towards the computer monitor to his left, sounding quite happy and cherry. It made you happy to know that these things had a positive impact on his mood. “The processor was getting a bit slow, and it was starting to agitate me slightly. Then I realized I could-”.

There was a loud zap from the wires Donnie was handling and he jolted back in shock. The wires had electrocuted him. Not enough to cause damage, but enough for him to feel a slight pain. But that was not what was worrying you. It was the look on his face. Sheer shock, starting at the wires in the table, his hand still in the air, shaking. He was shaking yet frozen in place.

“Donnie?”

He didn’t answer. Fear flashed in his eyes as you saw the other hand on his chair tighten its grip on the arm rest. It didn’t take more than a mere second for you to realize what was going on.

“Donnie, look at me”, you said very calmly, taking his shaking hand in yours. Your trembling boyfriend turned to look at you. His eyes were forming tears and his breath was shallow and rabid. You could only imagine how horrible it must be for him. To sit in the one in the whole lair he had considered his safe space - the place he could go to when his thoughts and memories became too much - only to be reminded of that day with the triceratons. When they tortured him for information. Electrocuted him to make him speak. And now, so many years later, every thought and feeling he had in that exact moment rushed back in.

Carefully you spun the chair Donnie was sitting in, so that his back was turned to the computer. You then crouched down in front of him, stroking his hand with your thumb. Donnie watched you, fighting to calm himself down, yet his breathing only became more uneven.

You took Donnie’s other hand, softly stroking that too. “Breath with me, Donnie. Focus on my breathing”.

Donnie nodded, listening as you started breathing audibly, taking air in before breathing it out. Shakingly he followed your lead, feeling his own throat fight against him. You encouraged him, told him he was doing good, and helped him focus on his breathing.

Then came the tears. With a loud sob they started rolling down his face, his shoulders shaking as more came. Instinctively you pulled him into a hug, holding him close while stroking his neck. Donnie hid his face against the side of your neck as he pulled you up on his lap, and continued sobbing as he held you close. You did not need to ask him what he needed. At that moment you were all he needed while he got his build up feelings out.

You sat with him for what felt like hours, supportively stroking his neck and head while whispering every possible thing you could think of to him. When he stopped crying, he still held you tightly in his arms for a moment, before you pulled back slightly to look at him in his blood shot eyes.

“Do you want something to drink?”, you asked him, softly stroking his cheek with your thumb.

“Yes please”, Donnie answered, his throat sore. It never ceased to amaze you how polite he could be, even when his emotions arise.

“Would you like anything else?”

“Hugs would be nice”.

You smiled before placing a kiss on Donatello’s forehand. “Then come. We’ll get you some water and then get you to bed”.

—

When the two of you got back to bed, Donnie was understandably tired. His eyelids were heavy as his breath once again was calm and steady. He was laying with his head against your chest, his arms wrapped around you, listening to your heart as he slowly started to drift to sleep. You were tracing your fingers over his head, shoulders and shell, hearing an audible sigh of relief coming from him.

After a moment, Donnie lifted his head to look up at you, his own fingers ever so slowly starting to trace up and down your side.

“Thank you”, he said, his voice low and soft. “Thank you for being so patient and nice to me”.

You smiled softly before placing yet another kiss on his forehead. “After everything you have done to protect me and the rest of the world, that’s the least I can do”.

Donnie smiled a little before laying his head back down against your chest, focusing on his fingers as they ran up your side once more.

“I love you, (Y/N)”.

You smiled, softly tracing over Donnie’s head one more time, causing him to relax even further into you. “I love you too, Donnie”.

It was no secret Donatello had been through a lot. But slowly, one step at the time, the two of you would figure it out together.

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Lightning Bug - Chapter 20

Masterlist

Warning: nightmare, mention of past trauma, Vision gets a little upset, panic attack, fluff and angst

Note: I took some creative liberties in one section of this story. I did do some research but my thinking is if there is a soul realm why can't every infinity stone have one.

Word count: 4.5k

You were exhausted both mentally and physically. You loved spending time with Natasha and Wanda as they brought you to Bryant Park and the New York Public Library (you did get a library card). At the end of your adventure, you got two slices of cheese pizza. Now back at the tower, you wanted to lay in bed and fall asleep. You didn’t realize how exhausting it would be so social. As the metal doors opened to your floor, you were expecting it to be quiet and empty. You were mistaken. Instead, you saw Kate, America, Yelena, and Peter on the couch with a dog. You gasped, eyes glued to the one-eyed Golden Retriever. “Puppy,” you whispered. Kate laughed.

“Well don’t just stand there come say hi,” you walked over, extending your hand to the dog for it to smell you. “His name is Lucky.”

“Or Pizza Dog,” America added on. Lucky licked your hand and it was you needed to drop to your knees and bury your face in his fur. You loved dogs. When you were younger, your next-door neighbor had a yellow lab named Buddy. Sometimes, you went outside to go sit by the fence and pet him. He was never afraid of you.

“Wait,” you said suddenly. “His name is Pizza Dog?” The group laughed which launched them into the story of how Kate found the dog. Which Yelena explained as a ‘cool way to die’ getting hit by a car to save a dog. Kate left the dog in her apartment in a panic and gave him pizza to eat.

“I mean what New York City dog doesn’t love pizza,” Kate defended herself. She had a point. “But Eleanor’s ex-fiancé watches him for me,” you weren’t going to question that one. “I’m thinking about bringing him to the Bartons,” she scratched underneath his chin. “They love him and I think he’ll enjoy all the land.”

“But I’ll miss him,” America said, burrowing her face in his fur. “I’ll miss him so much.” You giggled as the elevator doors opened and Tony walked onto the floor. He was holding an envelope.

“Bishop,” he said slowly. “Why is there a dog in the tower?”

“Because he’s cute,” you smiled, scratching the sides of his head. Lucky’s tongue hung out of his mouth. “How can you be upset with this face?” You looked at the billionaire, giving him your best puppy dog eyes. Tony sighed, admitting defeat with a roll of his eyes.

“I think Stark is having trouble saying no to you,” Yelena smiled. You merely shrugged, going back to giving your attention to Lucky.

“Is that a mission, Mr. Stark?” Peter asked, pointing to the folder in Tony’s hand.

“Oh right. I got distracted by that,” he pointed to the golden retriever.

“Please Stark you thought about buying an alpaca,” Natasha said from the kitchen.

“This is for you,” he walked over to you and handed it. You took it, not sure what was in the envelope. “It’s not bad. Just your test results.”

“Test results?” Wanda questioned. You looked at Tony and then back to the envelope, trying to figure out what he was saying. Then it hit you like a freight train.

“Oh. OH!” You said, opening the envelope. You noticed that the seal was opened already ripped. He must have looked into it.

“Want to fill us in, bud?” Kate asked.

“You didn’t tell them,” you cringed, placing the envelope in your lap.

“I forgot,” you defended. And you did. With everything going on it was the last thing on your mind. You sighed. “I took the placement test,” it was like you spoke a different language that no one understood how quiet it was.

“Why-why didn’t you tell us?” America questioned. You began to pet Lucky. He knew something was bothering you as he cuddled up against you.

“I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it,” you explained. “I asked Tony to not tell anyone then everything went to shit,” you heard Natasha gasp out a ‘language’ which made you giggle. “Then I forgot about. I’m sorry.” You had every intention of telling them when you found out your scores.

“So,” you looked at the witch. “How did you do?” Looking at Tony, you motioned for him that it was okay to tell everyone. He smiled.

“Well, our girl tested out of reading comprehension and writing,”

“Shocker,” Yelena sarcastically said. You giggled, hiding the blush on your cheeks. It was weird being the center of attention.

“According to the test, those two skills are at a college level,” he continued. You liked the smile on his face, it was like he was proud of you. A warm feeling filled your belly at the thought of someone being proud of you. “As for science and math, you tested around a 6th-grade level which is amazing considering you’ve never set foot in an academic building.”

“See!” Peter said, pulling you into a side hug. “I told you were going to do great!” You laughed, thanking him for helping you study. It was a chorus of congratulations and hugs were given to you. Your cheeks were hurting for how much you were smiling. For once in your life, you felt proud of your accomplishment. The negative words of your father didn’t reach your head.

*    

You called Shuri immediately, getting her phone number from Peter, and she congratulated you. Stating that she told you so and that you had nothing to worry out. When you were done with your phone call, you found your friends in the kitchen on the common floor. “What are you doing?” You asked, walking over to them.

“Thank God! Your back,” America groaned. “She kicked me out of the kitchen.” She pouted and pointed to Yelena.

“She wouldn’t even let me help,” Peter mumbled, picking up a card from the pile. He and America were sitting at the counter playing Uno while Yelena and Kate were in the kitchen. Water was boiling on the stove and Kate was chopping a carrot.

“That's because she almost chopped my finger off,” Yelena said. “And Peter Parker, you burnt yourself boiling water. I can not trust you in the kitchen.”

“But you trust her?!” America exclaimed. Yelena sighed.

“Against my better judgment,” you giggled at Kate’s expression but it quickly vanished when Yelena kissed her on the cheek. They were really cute together.

“What are we making and what can I do to help?” You asked, washing your hands.

“Dumplings, fried rice, chow mein, and wonton soup,” Yelena told you.

“Bucky, Steve, and Rhodey should be coming back tonight and Yelena volunteered our services to cook,” America made Peter draw 2 cards. Which caused your friend to pout but it soon faded to a smile when he placed another draw 2 down. America gasped. “Rude!”

“You made me draw 8,” he defended. “It’s not the end of the world.” You smiled at the interaction. Yelena sighed.

“If I give you the dough recipe for the dumplings can you make it?” The blonde asked you. You nodded and she handed you a tablet with the recipe. There was a time in your life when you hated cooking. It meant that you were left alone and no one was there to feed you so you had to feed yourself. You remembered living off of toast and peanut butter because it was easy for you. You moved to make scrambled eggs and pancakes. But know you loved cooking with your friends around you and their laughter filling the silence. It was comforting. It was a gentle reminder that you weren’t alone.

*       

“Dinner smells amazing,” Rhodey said, helping you set up the table. He was the first one back. You were told he had to make a trip to DC to clear stuff over with a few politicians about the Avenger’s work with the Wakandans and the mission that sent Vision and a few SHIELD agents to South America. You were a little jealous of all places the Avengers traveled to.

“I helped,” America proclaimed and Rhodey frowned.

“Then it’s poisoned,” you chuckled, walking back into the kitchen as the Avengers filed in to take their seats around the table. You put on hand warmers to grab the last dish from the oven.

“Need help?” You jumped at Steve’s voice and spun around to see the American super-solider. His hair was damped, he must have just gotten out of the shower. “Glad to see you up and moving.”

“FRIDAY alerted you and Bucky that I was hurt,” Steve nodded. “Can I have a hug?” Instead of answering, he held open his arm inviting you into a hug. His arms circled you. He was warm, felt safe, and comforting. “Thank you,” you said. Steve let out a shaky breath.

“Scared the hell out of me kid,” you heard a chuckle, pulled away from Steve, and saw Bucky.

“Did I just hear Captain America say a bad word?” Steve rolled his eyes at his boyfriend. “Glad to see you are safe, doll,” you smiled, taking a step away from Steve. Starring at Bucky’s hands, you found yourself starting to panic. You’ve felt his hands on you before. They were cold, and strong, and caused bruises on your skin. You swallowed the growing fear and held out your hand. You weren’t ready for a hug from him yet. Bucky raised his flesh hand.

“The other one,” you stated. “I trust you, Bucky.” You tried to keep your voice steady. Did he hear the slight shake? Or was he just as nervous as you were to notice? He hesitated and connected his metal hand with yours. Still, it was a shock to your system. You knew it was coming but the hairs on the back of your neck stood up and all you felt was fear. You dropped his hand and forced a smile on your face as you busied yourself with getting the last dish ready. “Hope you boys are hungry,” you said, leading them back to the table. “We made a lot of food.” You set it down and took your spot between Yelena and America. The blonde gave you a questioning look but you gave her a reassuring smile. You were okay. You had another hurdle to climb over.       

Dinner was fun. You laughed at the stories Rhodey and the two super soldiers told about their missions. Tony told the rest of the team about your test results. It reminded you of your father and how he gushed and bragged about a test Caleb did well on. But the entire time Bucky kept watching you. You wondered what was going through his head. Was he trying to remember you? Or did he remember and was too ashamed to admit it? Once dinner was done and cleaned up, you said your goodnight to the team and went to bed.

Well, you tried to sleep. You lay awake staring at the ceiling. You were exhausted, right down to your bones but you were afraid to fall asleep. “FRIDAY, can you read to me?” You asked the AI, turning onto your side. You hoped the sound would fight away any nightmares.

“Of course, do you have a specific book in mind?”

“The Fifth Season by NK Jemisin,” was a book on your TBR that you’ve been meaning to read. You figured now would be a good night.

“Right away,” you closed your eyes. “Let’s start with the end of the world, why don’t we? Get it over with and move on to more interesting things…”

*   

You woke up with a silent scream. You barely had enough time to stop the sound from coming out of your mouth. His hands. You could still feel them as he pinned you against the wall or held you down as waves and waves of electricity moved through your body. Scrambling out of your bed, you fell to the floor and put your back against the wall. Breath, you told yourself, breathe. The tingle in your palms began to spread. You didn’t register FRIDAY alerting you that she informed Wanda and Natasha or when the door opened. “Sweetheart, can you open your eyes for me?” You weren’t sure when you closed them.

“Can’t,” the pressure was becoming too much. “Need,” you couldn’t form the words you wanted to say. Everything was a mess in your head. You needed a way to release this pressure without hurting yourself, the couple, or causing a power surge in the tower.

“I’ll be right back,” you heard Wanda say and rush out of your room. Natasha stayed, talking through your panic. It was helping, the pressure began to lessen. Finally, you heard Wanda and she pushed something into your hands. “Focus your powers on that. Let go, molniyenosnyy zhuk (lightning bug). We are here,” And you did. You heard the familiar sound of your powers dancing around your fingertips and the warmth it caused. You opened your eyes when it stopped, the couple was blurry from your tears but you saw their smiles.

“There’s our girl,” Natasha whispered, whipping away your tears. You surged forward, arms wrapping around her waist as you buried your head in her lap. “Sh, your safe. Your safe.” Your body shook against her and Natasha ran her fingers through your hair.

“Was it a nightmare?” Wanda asked, rubbing soothing circles on your back. You nodded. “Do you want to talk about it?” That was the last thing you wanted to do so you shook your head.

“That’s fine. We can just sit here until you are ready,” Natasha said. You turned your head to face Wanda. She held a battery, similar to the ones attached to the machine Tony made for you. Where did she get it?

“Tony gave us a few extras just in case you need them,” she answered your question. “But I do think we need to do some training, maybe it will help you regulate your abilities.” You nodded, rubbing your eyes.

“Let’s get you back to bed,” you forced yourself off the Black Widow and climbed into bed. Natasha pulled the blanket over. “Do you want us to stay with you?”

“No, I’m okay,” you finally said. “Thank you.”

“No need to thank us,” Wanda said, kissing your forehead. “Come get us if you need anything. Goodnight,” the couple left and closed the door behind them. You traced the spot Wanda kissed. You never received a goodnight kiss from your mother. She was afraid to touch you once you revealed what you could do. You sighed, twisting the blanket in your hands. You wondered what you did to deserve this life you were living and if there were any way to repay them.

*     

You tried to go back to sleep but your room began to feel too small and suffocating. You debated on waking up Natasha and Wanda but you already disturbed their sleep. You began to walk the tower. You enjoyed the peace the tower provided at night. You were alone to figure out your thoughts but close enough to someone if you needed it. “Miss. Y/n,” you smiled at Vision, who sitting by the windows and illuminated by a nearby light. He was playing chess. “What are you doing up?” You walked over to him and sat in the empty chair.

“Couldn’t sleep,” you said. “How was your mission?” You asked him as he cleared away the game he was playing to start a fresh one.

“It went well,” he gave you the first move. “We completed the mission with limited injuries,” you both didn’t speak, finding peace in the silence as you played. Until he broke it, “The team informed me you were hurt. Are you alright?” You sighed, tracing the groves of the pawn.

“I’ve probably been the healthiest and happiest I’ve ever been,” you took your turn. “But sometimes I worry this is all temporary, that the rug will be pulled out from underneath or my demons will come back to haunt me,” Vision stayed quiet as you continued, “Sometimes I feel like I’m drowning, unable to keep my head above the water.”

“Do you wish for advise or do you just want someone to listen?” He asked. You smiled, laughing slightly.

“If you have advice I’d love to hear it,” he smiled. There was something about Vision that made you feel connected. Unlike a few others in the tower, Vision could exist in silence. He didn’t want to be the center of attention and he was content with sitting back and observing. There was a natural calming presence around him.

“You were born to a family that didn’t appreciate you,” you recognized the quote from Matilda, the reference made you smile. “You bare the emotional and physical scars of those who hurt you and it’s very unfair. But,” you looked at him. “You are very special, resilient too. So if the carpet you are standing on gets pulled out from underneath you, you have the strength to overcome it. However,” his smile grew. “You have a family that will catch you.”

“Was that a Matilda reference I heard?” He nodded. “I didn’t expect you to be a movie lover.”

“I like to indulge in a guilty pleasure every once in a while,” you giggled.

“Thank you Vision,” you covered your mouth as you yawned. “I guess that’s my cue to try to get some sleep.” You stood up but before you went back to your room you stared at the infinity stone. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course. You can ask me anything,” you suppressed a sigh. You were curious that was why you wanted to touch it. You wondered if it would feel like Wanda’s powers.

“Can I touch the infinity stone?” He hesitated. It was the first time you saw him so unsure of himself. You expected him to say no and you would accept that but he nodded.

“Just be careful,” he warned. You nodded. Your hand shook as you raised it and moved your finger to the yellow stone. Before you even touched it, a short surge of electricity left your finger and the world around you went dark.

*     

Your eyes slowly opened staring into the vast nothingness above you. You sat up, hands skimming the water you were sitting in but your clothes remained dry. Where were you? Where was Vision? Where was anyone? On shaky legs, you stood up. “Hello,” you called out. But your voice echoing back was your only reply. You began to walk unsure of where to or how to get back home. “Hello!” You yelled.

“There is no need to raise your voice,” you spun around but saw no one behind you.

“Whose there?” You questioned. “Where are you?” The voice chuckled. The sound bounced around so you were unable to pinpoint where it was coming from.

“That is an interesting question when I’m here but nowhere. I’m near but very far,” you heard footsteps walking towards you. Out of the darkness you saw yourself. It was like looking in a mirror. It wore the same clothes you wore now, the scar, even the color of your eyes. “I’m me but also you.” It mimicked the sound of your voice.

“Where am I?” You asked. The figure didn’t answer, instead, it titled its head from side to side and you couldn’t help but mirror it. You snapped out of the fog. “Stop that.” It laughed.

“You're in the mind realm, you stupid, foolish girl. Your lucky you aren’t dead,” Well that was a relief. You were beginning to wonder if this was some strange version of the afterlife. “But,” it raised its hands. “I can’t be too upset. I’ve been dying to talk to you,” it began to circle you. You stayed cemented to the spot, trying to call upon your powers but they didn’t answer you.

“What do you want with me?” You asked. Your voice was surprisingly calm.

“There is a problem, an imbalance if you want to call it that,” it stopped walking and stood back in front of you. “And you are going to be the savior or our downfall, the choice is yours.” Your stomach dropped.

“Me?” You questioned. “Why-why me?” You weren’t a hero. You were just-well you weren’t sure what you were. But you were just a kid, just finding your footing in this big scary world.

“Because I chose you. It’s very simple please try to keep up,” it turned on its heels and walked into the darkness.

“Wait,” it didn’t. “Wait, hold on.” You ran after the figure, the water splashing at your every step. “Are you going to tell me what this problem is so I can fix it?” The figure shook its head.

“Nope, I can’t do that. Sorry,” something told you it wasn’t but it did stop walking. “Think of it like a game of chess,” With a wave of its hand chess boards appeared in the darkness. At every board, you were sitting on one side and your opponent was one of the Avengers. “All the pieces have been placed,” you began to walk around, watching the games play out. “But there are thousands of possibilities that could be the outcome. You could lose,” a few captured your king. “But you could also win.” The boards disappeared, leaving one. It was you against Natasha. The image before you began to flicker; changing from you hugging her to you standing above her with a gun.

“No,” you whispered. You looked away as the gun went off. “No! I won’t let that happen.”

“Only time will tell and as the judge, I can’t change the outcome of how I want the match to end,” it closed the gap between you two. Grasping your chin in its hands. Its skin was cold against yours. “I want to make myself clear. I want you to win. Your loss will make my life difficult. But you aren’t ready,” it dropped the hold on you and its appearance began to change. You watched the mind stone form in the center of its forehead. “I gave life to the Vision, powers to the Maximoff twins, and Loki wielded me to enslave others and take over New York,” it smiled and began to float in the air. “I wonder what I’ll give you.” Its fingers began to glow, lighting up the darkness around you. It was like you were watching a movie, moments of your life flashed around you. “I wish you the best of luck and I do apologize, you won’t remember our meeting. You have to understand, it’s for the best.”

“Wait,” it was too late. The figure touched your forehead and you were forced back. Like a string was attached to your waist and someone yanked you back. You began to chant in your mind to remember. Remember. Remember. You had to remember.

*

You stumbled backward and you felt Vision grab onto your hand to catch you. “Are you alright? Should I get-”

“I’m fine,” you told him. He wasn’t convinced but you were. Your stomach was a little upset and there was a small ache in your head but you’ve experienced far worst.

“What did you see?” He questioned. You titled your head, eyebrows pinched together. “Tell me what you saw.” The grip he had on you tightened.

“Ouch,” he released you. His eyes said his apologies. You rubbed the spot on your wrist. “I-I didn’t see anything,” you said. “Honest. I wouldn’t lie to you, I promise.”

“Right,” he sighed. “I do apologize for my behavior. Have a goodnight,” you forced a smile, a little concerned by what happened.

“Goodnight, Vision,” And you went back to your room, holding onto the wrist that was going to bruise come morning.

*       

Vision watched the young girl walk over the staircase and return to her room. He rubbed the stone, that gave him life, and Wanda her powers. He valued the power and responsibility that came with protecting the stone. Without it, he wouldn’t have been able to warn the Avengers of Thanos. Something was coming. He could feel it but the stone was silent, not indicate what the threat was. All he knew was it involved his new friend and that worried him more.

_

Taglist: @aestruvx, @toouncreativeforausername, @modedddd, @julilamoment, @mythixmagic, @yourmamacom, @vicmc624, @cherlenovix, @liliesandrosies, @whitewidowsbite, @clintsbigtoe,   @blackbirdv98   @arualdcg  @yoyo-w​  @natbelovasblog, @johnnyhulu, @blackwidow-3, @theenglishswiftie, @faith-olsen

[natslildove]

gif not mine

Bring you back

natasha romanoff x reader

summary: since vormir, you haven’t been in touch with any avenger, you went missing. no one knew where you were or if you were even still alive. until one day, you hear a knock on the door and a familiar face awakes something inside of you, you thought was long gone. hope.

warnings: swearing, panic attack

authors note: sorry it took me like 2 weeks.. i kind of forgot what the story was supposed to be lol. anyways !!!! hope you enjoy it ! <3

you can find the previous chapter here.

11:07 AM

You’ve been in the compound for less than an hour and you’re at Tony and Bruce’s lab, being overwhelmed with theories of how and why they think they can bring Natasha back.

But the thing is, they only have about 2 days. To be precise, 56 hours. Natasha died at 7:13 PM. That’s why is always so hard to sleep when every night around that time, your mind goes back to Vormir.

“We think that, if we find a way to get to Vormir in time, we might have a chance to stop her”, Tony said.

“Stop her? Won’t that reverse the whole ‘saving the world’ thing?”, you say while looking at the place. It’s a mess. Natasha would’ve hated.

“No, you see, time doesn’t work that way. We can’t go back in time and undo something. It would just create a different timeline, but not change ours. If we go back in time and kill Thanos, everything he’s done will still be done but, the second we kill him, another string of time would be created.”

“Says who?”

“Someone who knows about this stuff, trust me”, Bruce tries to convince you without revealing his source. You look at Tony who just makes a gesture suggesting you to ignore this part.

“So you’re saying that, basically, all we have to do is… Go to Vormir?”

“At the right time, yes”, Stark seems hopeful.

“And why don’t you just get a quinjet or something and go?”

“Because, and that’s the problem, Vormir is about 15.000 light years… We can’t get there.”

You knew it. All of this was just bullshit and suddenly you hated yourself even more for believing there might actually be a way of bringing her back. You try processing what Bruce just said and it’s like the whole universe is laughing at you for being so stupid. How could you. You were fine. Or at least you tried to believe you were. She’s dead. She is dead. Natasha is dead. Your girlfriend is dead. Girlfriend. God, you couldn’t even propose to her, the ring long forgotten somewhere in the locked room. This is all so stupid. You’re so stupid and your girlfriend is dead and you never even get to call her your fiancé or wife or nothing. Nothing. She was nothing now. You’re not even a widow, you’re just nothing. You’re no one and you have no one. You’re alone. It should’ve been you. Not her. She was perfect, she deserved to live. She deserved to win. She should be here.

“Woah, hey! Y/N! Hey, what happened?” Tony is holding your face between his hands and you just now realize you were crying. Bawling. You heart was beating so fast you felt like throwing up.

Fucking panic attacks.

You couldn’t speak, your eyes going back and forth but never really looking at the man in front of you. You shake your head and dries your tears with the back of your hands with a certain strength. You whole face is red and Tony and Bruce are giving you pitiful looks.

God, you hated this. So much.

“I’m fine, it’s fine” you take a deep breath, “Just keep going… How- Is there a way to get there or not?”

“Are you sure you’re okay? We can-“

“I’m fine!”, you cut Bruce, “I’m fine, okay? Just answer me”

“Uhm, there might be a way”

“Stop with this might this might that. Just fucking say it already”

“You know Carol? Captain Marvel, Space chick, blonde and tall?”

“I know of her”

“She got her powers from the Tesseract”, Tony continues, “And now, she can fly trough galaxies like, super fast!“

“So we need her?”

“Not exactly”, this time, Bruce says, “Carol is really, really far away, not even with all her powers she could get there in time. We can’t even reach her”, the scientist looks at you, “We need the Tesseract”

“To create a machine?”

“To hit someone with it”, Tony says while cleaning his throat. You barely even listened.

“What? Are you- Are you serious?”

“It could work”

“It could kill someone! This Carol chick only survived because she was half Kratos or something!”

“Kree, and yeah, maybe, but”, the sortear guy keeps trying to convince you, “It worked! All we need is someone willing to do it. Without risk tests and all the regular procedures we are legally required to do”

Oh. A lab rat. They needed a lab rat dumb enough to sacrifice their life’s for a maybe.

Maybe the person will die. Maybe the whole compound would explode. Maybe it wouldn’t even do nothing.

Maybe they’d get Natasha back.

“I’ll do it”

“Yeah, we know Romeo”, Tony smiles. Bruce walks fast to a closet, opening and grabbing a suit.

“We made from your old measures but…”, Banner looks at you up and down and you feel embarrassed and exposed, “We might need to tighten a little bit”

Ouch, what a way to call you malnourished.

12:33 - 55 hours and 20 minutes until Vormir

Bruce was still measuring you in the lab and it was quiet. You knew he had questions but you were grateful he didn’t asked them.

Yelena enters the place holding a bag os chips and a bottle of water. She doesn’t say anything just gives it to you.

“Eat. And drink it”

“I’m not really hungry”

“I literally did not asked anything”, she opens the bag while still in your hands and grabs some chips, “Natasha will hate to see you like this”, she smiles, “I can picture her complaining about your habits”’ now she laughs, “I mean, when she sees your house she will freak out! You killed all her plants! The place is a mess”

“You’ve only seen the outside”

“Sure”

“What do you mean, ‘sure’?”

“I mean…”, she steals more chips, “Sure”

You get this weird feeling that she’s been visiting you without you realizing it. It says a lot about you.

When Yelena stops rambling about her sister, that’s when you realize you’ve eaten some chips. Basically the whole bag, per se.

“You talk as if you’re sure this will work”, now you’re drinking the water. Yelena is smiling not only because of the conversation.

“Someone has to, right?”

Yeah. Someone has to.

1049 words.

taglist: @fxckmiup @janashstorm @smromanoff @natsxwife @makkaroni221 @marvelogic @thelonewriter247 @lizzeolsenismommy @g-athenaathens ( tumblr just won’t let me tag u idk why i’m sorry :(( )

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

avery and xander head canons

i've never done this before. hope you guys actually like these (my anxious overthinking brain tells me people will hate it but anyways). if you guys like the hcs and would like more or have suggestions, i'd be happy to take requests (i have nothing to do with my life)

they blast london boy whenever jameson is around ever since it was revealed he's half british

avery and him will spend hours talking about all the wild experiments he's done and funny stories she has from when she was younger

xander makes her funny/cute gadgets and hides them in her room for her to find

avery and him will spend hours just gossiping while watching netflix and doing face masks

xander and her talk shit about people they hate

they're always coming up with ways to prank grayson (they once replaced his entire closet full of suits with lingerie)

when they attended the eras tour (cause they most definitely did), xander fake proposed to her during love story.

they made friendship bracelets

they also had so much fun singing the rep set

ok this one isn't really a xander and avery head cannon but the hawthornes and their girlfriends (+rebecca, thea) has a blast singing anti hero bc of that one verse with the funeral.

they also teased grayson when shake it off started playing

during the vigilante shit performance, xander grabbed a chair and tried to recreate the dance. he forced avery to join along (jameson was simping so hard in the corner)

they also made bets on the surprise songs

last eras tour one, they had so much fun singing bad blood thinking about eve, tobias, sheffield grayson, etc (grayson was secretly also vibing to the song in the background happy that eve got what she deserved (although i believe she deserved worse))

on the day of her wedding with jameson, xander gave her a blueberry scone (his favorite) for the first time to celebrate her officially becoming part of the family

once avery got a slew of hate comments on this one post bc people thought she looked ugly and xander (and jameson) responded and reported every single one of them. xander also came up with the wildest insults you could ever imagine

although xander could literally never hate anyone, he hates anyone who ever does or says anything wrong to avery

sometimes when she's feeling slightly insecure but doesn't want to admit, xander hypes her up like crazy (jameson too)

sometimes avery will go sit in xanders lab whilst he works on his gadgets and reads. he always feels so loved whenever she does this

xander once had a panic attack on his way to an event, and avery cheered him up by ditching the event and bringing him to a bakery to buy scones. they then headed home and watched rom-coms.

they make each other playlists

they love waking each other up in the weirdest ways (xander once woke her up by reading her smut)

they ask each other relationship advice.

xander sometimes gets in this mood where he's convinced everyone secretly hates him. avery always makes him feel better by making scones with super weird flavors.

they once had a fanfic writing competition. avery won bc she wrote smut and xander wasn't expecting it (xander thought it was so good he posted it)

xander once walked in on avery getting dressed. he got so embarrassed he started banging into everything and stuttering. avery likes to tease him about it from time to time. (she wasn't even completely naked, but he was still traumatized)

sometimes when they're at events, they'll sit in the corner and talk about the people there (for example, they'll pick one person and try to figure out how many kids they have, if they're married, etc). xander also has all the tea you could possibly wish for when it comes to the guests (no one knows how he obtains it).

xander knows how much avery hates galas and stuff, so he always comes up with different games to play/things to talk about.

they sometimes go live together and the fans love it (they find their friendship hilarious and people always make compilations of like funny things they've said and stuff).

1/4 of these are literally just eras tour related but eh. i hope these are all original and i'm not remembering some old ones i've seen before not realizing that they've already been made. if some of these aren't, i apologize (i also apologize for any spelling mistakes, i wrote these late at night). anyways i literally love avery and xander's friendship. i actually really enjoyed making these.

i'm thinking of making head cannons for avery and each of the brothers (libby, max and Rebecca too) (maybe even thea though i don’t particularly love her).

i tried to get my friend @catapparently to help, but she came up with the weirdest things like 'xander told avery her toes were crooked so he made her a gadget to wear at night to fix them'

if anyone has requests, feel free to send them to me.

[anxious-lee]

|| Jayvik Tickle Headcanons ||

A/N: in the spirit of doing what I want, I decided to grant these fruity ass motherfuckers some tickle fluff. yes it is ooc but at least they're happy :,)

I use the words "you" in this list but that's just how my brain dialogue comes out fastest. the "you" is always meant to be jayce or viktor

This list is in the context that they are married, so if this isn't your ship, you might not like this list. oh and there's tickling but whatever

-----

- jayce and vik are both lee-leaning switches

- but viktor gets tickled slightly more often than jayce does; he's a grumpy cat man and needs the affection

- let's start with viktor:

- very very ticklish

- wasn't touched a lot throughout his life, so his skin is very sensitive

- a few skittering fingers can have him leaping out of his skin

- most ticklish spots are his underarms definitely. unfortunately his arms aren't super strong so while he of course does try to squeeze them shut to block the spots, it doesn't keep the ler out

- his ribs are his second worst. he's so skin and bones at this point that just massaging the bone through his skin has him laughing hard

- his laugh ranges from high-pitched chuckles to near-silent and breathy hiccups. jayce knows he's hit a jackpot when he hears the silent laugh

- idea from @tickly-trashcan that jayce will scoop viktor up and plop him on a counter so he can't escape his tickle attack

- tickly kisses are his kryponite

- viktor doesn't hate tickling but doesn't love it either. before he met jayce, he didn't like it at all. he thought it was undignified. he still does, but that's kind of the fun of it. what's the good in spending your life working if you don't let yourself play every now and then?

- will go along with it for the game of it or because he's simply too exhausted to fight back

- if he senses a tickle ambush coming, he'll start waving away his attacker (jayce) with his cane, threatening to bonk him with it

- i cannot communicate how cute of a lee he is. despite the cold exterior, he is a ticklish little puppy

- VERY squirmy. CANNOT stop squirming

- said it before but I'll say it again: ✨️ hiccup-laughter ✨️

- he doesn't like the fluffy kind of tickle teasing. if you must, go for snarky comments and sarcastic quips. that'll make him blush

- can't outrun his ler, so he's in deep shit when jayce is in a ler mood

- can't chase his lee either so escaping him is pretty easy

- which is why it's so sus when jayce still manages to get caught by him. almost makes one think jayce doesn't WANT to escape hmmmm???

- but back to viktor

- he is a shockingly good ler

- his hands have spent a lifetime delicately handling machinery so you know he's got some meticulous fingers

- very observant to what spots hit you the hardest

- teases you about possibly enjoying yourself because of how little you're trying to escape

- treats wrecking you like a scientific experiment. ("let's see what happens when I touch right... here" "hm. you seem to be very ticklish there. i will need to gather more data on this, for science, after all")

- remembers every one of your tickle spots. every single one.

- laughs with his lee. it's all just so silly and ridiculous ❤️

- NOW ONTO JAYCE:

- bro isn't as ticklish as viktor but he is fucking BAD

- also doesn't have as much self-control as viktor in order to hold his laughter in in time. (I can't tell you how many times he's accidentally been prodded and he's let out a laugh in the middle of a council meeting. in an otherwise quiet room. viktor teases him about this relentlessly)

- similarly to when gets caught sneaking into his lab, jayce is terrible at talking his way out of getting tickled. he panics and says the most random shit in an attempt to distract the ler for long enough to get away. viktor is unfortunately too smart for it and it never works

- laugh ranges from adorable little deep giggles to infectious belly laughter

- does actually enjoy being tickles him but is completely humiliated by it. trying to get him to admit it is like pulling teeth

- exaggerates to viktor how much he DOESNT love it and is JUST going with it to be a good sport

- ^ says the man who sits perfectly still while getting his shit wrecked

- teases that point out how much he's having fun fluster him BEYOND SPEECH. BITCH GOES NONVERBAL AT THAT SHIT

- hides his face when getting tickled, even if just a little bit

- poor boi is so embarrassed

- most ticklish spots are his sides, which make it super convenient for viktor to jab his the end of his cane into his side at any given time

- second worst spot are his feet

- in a tickle fight, viktor is the one to call mercy most of the time

- jayce has the advantage of not being crippled and ill 🤷‍♀️

- most ticklings between these two happen either when they're bored or restless in the lab or in bed as they're preparing to sleep

- jayce is not a great ler, but he loves to be one

- he is so addicted to making vik laugh to the point where it starts to get on viktor's nerves if he's trying to work

- jayce has SERIOUS ler moods. he doesn't know that's what they're called or that there's even a word for it, but they're there

- prefers to tickle with vibrations and squeezes

- teases viktor with things like "what was that? I can't hear you, can you speak up?" knowing damn well vik's laughing his lungs out

- ^ other oblivious and sarcastic teases are jayces specialty

- a very fast tickler. you think he's in one spot and then suddenly he's moved to another

- uses tickle hugs

- jayce first found out viktor was ticklish one late night at the lab when viktor refused to call it a night. jay tried bargaining with him to get him to go to sleep, but he wouldn't budge. exasperated, jay tried lifting him to bed, but when he pulled him up by his armpits, vik started to giggle and pull away. let's just say convincing viktor to sleep became a lot easier after that

- viktor learned jayce was ticklish a few weeks later. the latter was so enthralled in his notes that he hadn't noticed viktor was talking to him. after calling to him several times, vik hobbled over and jabbed him, right in his unprotected side. jay jumped in his chair with a half-laugh, half-yelp and asked vik what he needed, very flusteredly. viktor, amused, asked "what was that?" and proceeded to poke fun at him. jayce, absolutely mortified, wouldn't face him until he changed the subject.

- but they've both grown to appreciate the laughter filled moments they spend together ❤️

------

WHY CANT THEY BE HAPPY FOR ONCE?! 😭

[rottenpumpkin13]

Sephiroth is now hallucinating, and said hallucinations are ones where everyone looks like Hojo. Cloud looks like Hojo, Genesis looks like Hojo, Angeal looks like Hojo, etc.

How insane does shit get?

*Sephiroth tries to get to his office. He's furiously rubbing his eyes and trying to snap himself out of it. Zack and Angeal walk up to him*

Angeal: Sephiroth, look at Zack's new haircut and tells him he looks stupid.

Zack: I do not! The spikes are longer, it's cool.

Sephiroth, panicking: You look like Professor Hojo.

Zack:

Angeal: I told you so.

*Genesis taps Sephiroth on the shoulder*

Genesis: Hey, I have an experiment I want to try with you.

Sephiroth: NO. HOW DARE YOU DISTURB ME IN MY PLACE OF WORK.

*Sephiroth punches him in the face and runs off. Angeal is trying to cure Genesis's bloody nose*

Zack: If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathroom fitting a paper bag over my face.

Real answer:

• Sephiroth has a sleepless second half of the night after the first is plagued by nightmares where he's a child, back in the labs under Hojo's watch. Calling them "nightmares" would be kind, because they're all memories of things that did indeed happen in the past. The next day he's seeing the man's face everywhere, feeling his hands on him with every bump and touch. He's trying to calm himself down by knowing it's all his mind playing tricks on him, but it's no use. His sense of what's real and not is slipping away quickly as derealization grips him. He just has one annoying training session to evaluate in the Second Class's training room and then he can peacefully go back to his office. He's standing there, back leaned against the wall trying not to have a panic attack, his vision fading in and out of present reality and dipping into the past. And then it happens. Zack comes up to him to ask a question. When Sephiroth doesn't answer—and looks rather pale—Zack grows concerned and places his hand on Sephiroth's arm. Sephiroth snaps back into reality and hallucinates Professor Hojo in front of him, touching him. It all happens too quick for anyone to intervene. Sephiroth breaks Zack's arm before throwing him to the floor and attacking him. It takes almost all of the second class present to pull Sephiroth off of him. When he's held down, Sephiroth slips into a catatonic state where he's internally having a breakdown that needs attention fast. He's unpredictable, a danger both to himself and others. Zack is alright—for the most part. His injuries are grave but it's nothing that won't heal with time. Sephiroth is given temporary leave until his situation is under control. And there's only one place they can send him to that will understand exactly how to deal with his being—Professor Hojo.

[nerdgirlnarrates]

I graduate from med school next week (wack), and I was reminiscing with some classmates about our best and worst moments. Some of my highlights:

- we had an OSCE station that was just a clinical scenario and a phone, and you were supposed to call the “patient” “at home” and talk. I would dial the wrong number every time, get an actual clinic in the building, panic hang up, and then try again.

- asking a patient with a hysterectomy what they were using for birth control 🫠

- getting to know a patient so well on my sub-I that I started to get that spidey-sense for when something was going wrong with them before labs/vitals went astray

- talking a patient in the trauma bay down from a panic attack so we could suture their lacs

- a patient telling me I reminded them of their goddaughter then calling me by their goddaughter’s name for the rest of their admission

- getting to make the first incision for a few surgeries

- my senior resident roasting me for only owning one pot lol (I own more now if you’re wondering)

- performing a very awkward OSCE exam on a baby doll

There’s plenty more, and I may add some as I think of them. I don’t think I could summarize my med school experience well. It’s included some of the best and worst moments of my life. I’ve never felt dumber, and I’ve never felt more sure I’m on the right path. The vicissitudes have been extreme. I’ll just settle on calling it profound.

[hangeswif3]

When Hange died I was just so sad, so this is a small thing I wrote. It’s supposed to be from the reader’s pov a couple of months after Hange died.

Note: I’m also thinking about writing a fic about this, like Hange and reader’s relationship so lmk if you’d like that.

Warnings: angssssst, Hange’s death.

Dear Hange,

Since you left everything feels dull. After your death I couldn’t eat or sleep or talk to anyone at all. It was as if I had forgotten how to do all these things. I could only cry. I spent day and night crying, for weeks. Levi took care of me, he made sure I didn’t die. He stayed with me to make sure I didn’t do anything stupid and he made sure I didn’t starve.

After a month I was finally able to go out without having a panic attack. We had a meeting about what we’re gonna do with titans and the world now that this war is over. I kept staring at the door, waiting for you to come in. I keep looking for you in every person I see. We had a service for you too, you looked so handsome in the picture, I’m sure you would’ve loved it. I spoke about you, the way we promised each other we would do if one of us died. Everyone cried. And I did too, so much (I don’t know how I still had tears left.).

After two months I could finally talk to someone else besides Levi. It didn’t feel normal, everyone looks at me with differently. I don’t blame them though, I know I’m not myself anymore, that person died with you. We came back to where it all started, surprisingly everything was still there. I made it to your lab, and to our room. It still smelled like you, I couldn’t help but wait for you to come in at any moment, saying that this was just the cruelest less funny joke ever, and that you were still with me and you’d never leave me. But you never did.

I packed all of our stuff together. I’m moving to the city now, I can’t keep living here, there’s too many memories. Levi is coming with me, I guess there’s too many memories for him too. He misses you too, you know? He’s been amazing helping me with all of this, but I still don’t know what I’m doing.

My therapist told me to write a letter to you, that maybe it would help me mourn in a healthier way. The day you died I thought I would die too, I wanted to. And part of me did. But I’m thankful I didn’t, because then your sacrifice would’ve been in vain, I know you wanted me to live. So I’ll live for both of us, and I promise you, that if there’s a life after this one, that I’ll find you, just wait for me, I promise I’ll come.

Nothing is easy without you, I’m still learning how to exist in this universe without you by my side. I’m still trying to say your name without crying like a baby. But I’m thankful for the time we had together and I promise to make the most of the time I have left. I’ll love you forever.

Love,

- your little love.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Letters from Pegasus, Pt. 1

The episode Letters from Pegasus (S01E17) does not have a ton of interaction between Sheppard and McKay but significant things do take place in it, and we learn a lot about the characters. We also get to view them, but especially McKay, through other people's eyes.

It starts with a meeting about the upcoming wraith attack, continuing the plot set up at the end of the previous episode. While Sheppard and McKay are mirroring each other, both rubbing their thumb over their fist (and it's impossible to say which is mirroring which here), Sheppard seems... cranky. While at the beginning of Hot Zone (S01E13) both McKay and Sheppard seemed to be in a good mood, we have now seen several episodes in a row where they are in a sour mood at the beginning but then, suddenly, with no explanation, seem to get along like a house on fire. In the previous episode The Brotherhood (S01E16), they also made sure to let us know that they had time enough to spend some private moments between these two states of affairs. So. They had time to play 'the game,' I guess.

It's a pattern interrupt that the same doesn't happen in this episode. Sheppard starts in a sour mood and we don't see it improve much. In fact, it just keeps getting worse. We are, however, told that McKay has been spending a lot of time in his lab following the news of the imminent wraith attack, and that he has even been spending actual nights there working. We see him spend the entire night there recording his message to Earth in this very episode while Sheppard is off-world. Whether these two things are connected is left for anyone to decide for themselves but it would explain a lot of the weirdness going on in the episode.

So, they are gathered around the table. Back when Sheppard seemed to be just interested in McKay, he often chose to sit on the exact opposite side of the table to be able to look at him. And during meetings, his eyes would frequently either drift to McKay or stay there nearly the whole time. Back then, he was observing McKay and making mental notes about his character and mannerisms, like the fact that he liked to drink 11 cups of coffee per day--which is why he also knew that McKay would be upset about the coffee running out.

Now, however, they are seated next to each other. Sheppard is seated at the far-end of the table actually on the seat that we saw McKay sitting on in Sanctuary (S01E14). And true to form, he's not facing forward but has turned his body toward McKay. And while he is leaning back, his legs seem to be stretched out so that he is actually even closer to McKay under the table than we get to see. This is pretty symbolic to how the subtextual narrative is being constructed. And damn, if there isn't something erotic about the way they are moving their thumbs. McKay's thumb is also... erect and pointed at Sheppard for most of this scene.

Everyone else is leaning forward on the table which shows engagement with the topic of discussion, Sheppard is the only one of them leaning back. You could interpret it as everyone else taking this seriously and him at least projecting being relaxed about it, leaning back like a nonchalant slacker. Only, we know that that's not how he feels about this situation. More likely is that drawing back communicates some level of resistance on his part, like just the topic of the wraith is making him defensive.

But if he is trying to project calm with his posture, he is definitely doing it with his words:

Weir: Well, we knew they were coming; at least now we know when. Sheppard: That's something. McKay: That's something?! Sheppard: It means there's still time, Rodney -- there's no reason to panic… yet.

Again we find Sheppard making light of something that is anything but light to him. He feels a crushing responsibility for each and every life on Atlantis. He is demonstrating exemplary leadership in that he is attempting to project positivity and hope where he feels none himself since despair is not going to help them. He uses Rodney's name, trying to project this calm especially on him probably because he knows that they all have to help McKay do what ever kind of magic he does, and that when McKay "reacts to certain doom in a certain way," the building feeling of panic keeps his mind from working on the problem. By using his name, by talking directly to him, he is trying to anchor McKay to the present.

Ford suggests that they might take the ZPM from the children of Childhood's End (S01E05) as a last ditch effort. Both Weir and Teyla seem to find this morally reprehensible but McKay, while not precisely supporting the idea, is at least willing to entertain it: "He raises a valid point. We've already established that the ZPM is nearly depleted, but it could be of some limited use to us." Note that he is talking about just the ZPM, even his original plan entailed bringing the children to Atlantis to keep them safe. While Sheppard does not express his opinion either way, he does give McKay a look. But, later on, he has the following exchange with Teyla:

Teyla: Earlier today Lieutenant Ford suggested we steal from a community of children. Sheppard: It's because they have a ZPM and we can bring them back. Teyla: Only to face death in Atlantis? Sheppard: Look, Ford and I are military. We've spent a lot of our lives learning how to survive.

Note first that he highlights Ford's and his own role in the military, which is relevant for later. And while McKay is not mentioned, he is actually also defending McKay's position here, as he so often does. For their current discussion, this tells us that he was at least willing to consider Ford's suggestion and that he remembered what McKay had told him months ago back on the planet:

Teyla: We cannot just take it. It is their only source of protection against the Wraith. McKay: There's no evidence that the Wraith have been here in years. Besides, if this is a fully functioning ZPM, we can bring them all back to Atlantis. How hard could that be? Sheppard: Hard… but a ZPM could give us the power to make a lot of problems go away. McKay: Exactly.

For this reason, I would interpret the look Sheppard gives McKay as him remembering this earlier exchange. McKay is focused on the problem and not on its moral implications at the moment but he's far from heartless. Saving the children was always a part of his agenda. But it turns out McKay has another idea, so he has actually been spending those nights in his lab doing something useful. He erects another finger as he introduces his idea, and it is now that Sheppard finally leans forward like the rest of them. He gives what McKay is about to say his entire focus. All the while Sheppard seems to be focused on McKay pretty much all of the time, it is his thinking that he now gives his focus over his presence.

Teyla: If this is to be our end, it is best we face it with both dignity and honour. McKay: To that end, I actually have an idea--in addition to panic. Sheppard: Let's hear it. McKay: It's really a long shot, but I think it's most likely worth the effort. Of course, it will mostly be my effort, so-- Sheppard: What is it?

Here, you can clearly see how cranky Sheppard is. He interrupts McKay needing him to get to the point faster (as discussed previously, Sheppard is fast and McKay likes to take his time; this applies to many things in their lives). It's not that he doesn't enjoy listening to McKay talk--unlike most people McKay has met in his life, he actually does; we frequently witness Sheppard approach him with an explicit "Talk to me, Rodney"--but that right now he needs to be doing something so badly that it is making him edgy. He needs McKay to give him something to work towards.

In The Storm (S01E09), Sheppard and Weir have the following exchange:

Sheppard: You know McKay'll come up with something. He's just setting himself up to be a hero. Weir: Yeah, we know how Rodney is.

So, you might think that that is what's happening here and that Sheppard simply has no patience for it at present. It certainly seems like McKay is setting himself up to be a hero. Only, he's doing this out of insecurity. He's stalling because he himself is unsure about the idea and how it will be received, whether it's worth even mentioning. He is presenting it in this way because it takes some of the crushing pressure off of him. If he tells them it might not work and then it does, that's great. But if he presents his idea with confidence and it then fails, he will have let everyone down (and then they would have no reason to want to keep him around anymore). Sheppard has much more confidence in McKay's ideas than he has himself. This is why Sheppard cuts right through his insecurity with "What is it?"--he's already prepared to implement what ever it is, what ever it takes.

McKay tells them that they might be able to send a message back to Earth. Where the others either express incredulity or start asking him about how this might possibly work, Sheppard just assumes that it is going to work and, once more, steps right over the part where people usually take time to decide whether they believe McKay because he trusts McKay's judgement to such an extent as to make this a waste of time:

Sheppard: How much time are we talking about? McKay: Well, approximately, uh, one point three seconds, give or take. Beckett: That's not much time. Ford: Time enough to say "SOS"! McKay: Don't be so analogue!

While the others immediately start commenting on McKay's answer, Sheppard just seems to think it over. While he might not be sure what McKay is getting at here, he knows that there has to be something to the idea. He's not doubting whether it can be done, he's wondering whether they should.

Sheppard is also impressed by McKay's accuracy here, as seen in a moment. We see him want precise numbers from McKay on multiple occasions and McKay is frustrated by his need for what he calls "arbitrary numbers". But here he gives a very accurate approximation, and I wonder if it isn't Sheppard's love for Star Trek that makes him yearn these precise numbers from McKay. Whether he would have been savvy to the homoerotic subtext or just seen them as very good friends, the closeness between the characters of Kirk and Spock must have been appealing to him as a little boy. To have someone as loyal as Spock at your side, always.

Something I find both interesting and important happens then. McKay tells them, "I helped refine the encoding for the US Air Force a few years back. Colonel Carter should be able to decipher it on the other side."

Here, at the present time, McKay is not projecting anything or acting to anyone. There is no reason for him to do what he so often does in connection with Carter, which is to crassly and extremely publicly express his attraction toward her. To portray the sleazebag we know he isn't. Here, we see what McKay really thinks about Carter when he has no need to put on this pretense: he mentions her in a completely professional way, and gives her all due respect as a colleague. He trusts that Carter will be able to figure out what he's intended to do, he knows her well enough to know that. But there is not a hint at anything beyond collegiality in his tone. We can contrast this with later in this same episode when he's talking about Carter on a video message that he knows is going to be viewed by at least one but possibly several members of the military, maybe even Carter herself. There is a stark contrast between these two references to her in this same episode.

Whether or not he feels some kind of way about McKay mentioning her name in a completely neutral way (because we saw Sheppard react to McKay saying her name with an "Oy-yoy-yoy!" back in Childhood's End, which this episode is intentionally calling back to), Sheppard continues to express crankiness especially toward McKay. Not that most things that he has said haven't been directed at McKay anyway. Again, while they are in a meeting with other people, they just slip into having a conversation amongst themselves:

Sheppard: You're suggesting this now? McKay: Because it probably won't work, and there's a very good chance it could overload our naqahdah generators in the process. Sheppard: Well, then, we can't take the risk! No power, we won't have a chance in hell! McKay: There are three Wraith hive ships on the way, Major! Desperate times call for desperate measures. Besides, I spent the last few days working out ways of minimising the risk.

Now, this is the second time in two episodes that Sheppard seems upset that McKay hadn't told him something like he's supposed to know everything that he does. That's, like, real dedicated team leader behaviour right there.

You can either think that he's some kind of a control freak or that the two of them spend an awful lot of time talking with each other and that for some reason he feels entitled to know all of McKay's business ("If and when anything I do becomes your business..."; the when of the matter seems to taken place between The Sanctuary and Before I Sleep). He's a good friend, John Sheppard.

What's interesting is that McKay refers to him as Major, here. We have not heard him use the title since their encounter in the hallway in front of Chaya's quarters. Both times it seems geared toward reminding Sheppard of the role he is supposed to be playing here, it was supposed to get his attention. Sheppard's tone sounded like he was about to forget that they were with other people, like he was about to start escalating the exchange in a way that might not be suitable for the eyes and ears of others for a number of reasons (and here, just thinking about the familiarity of it, not even the getting it over with part). Sheppard himself even glances at the others before continuing, like making sure that they're still arguing the normal amount for co-workers. They have a tendency of overstepping those roles so fast that they fail to notice it themselves.

McKay uses the title to remind him of this. And Sheppard actually reacts to it. He blinks, like he really didn't like McKay calling him that. I won't go so far as to claim he reacts like he was struck but it does seem to sting. Both the fact that McKay over-enunciates the word and that Sheppard seems to react to him speaking the word in particular tells us that Major is not what McKay calls him most of the time. And that this has been the case for a while by this time.

While we as the audience don't get to hear McKay call him by his name for a long time this seems to indicate that in private, McKay has been calling him something else. But at the same time, McKay mentions that he had spent the last few days working on this. The last few days likely including the last few nights. Desperate times do call for desperate measures. It's not because he doesn't want to be with Sheppard that he has had to spend all of his time in the lab recently. Sheppard is not happy to be reminded of this state of affairs, and he actually turns slightly away from McKay for the first time. He's well aware that McKay has spent the last few days working, thank you.

McKay explains to them what all they will be able to do with the time allotted and their response allows us to contrast Ford and Sheppard with regards to McKay. Ford often repeats what McKay has said in the form of a question because he doesn't understand it right away. He's not dumb, McKay is just difficult to follow at times, and he needs him to clarify things for him, to confirm that he heard him correctly. They have the following exchange:

Ford: All that, one second? Sheppard: One point three. McKay: See, you jest, but if I can finesse the compression ratios, you'll be looking for things to add. Weir: Do it. McKay: Doing it.

In contrast to Ford, Sheppard not only pays attention to everything McKay says, he also retains the information. Whether it is important mission related stuff, sciency stuff, or just details about his life, Sheppard files everything McKay says off into his permanent memory. You don't do that unless someone is important to you.

Weir considers McKay's proposal for a moment and gives him the go-ahead. McKay takes off to his lab to do it which also means that they won't be "doing it" for the foreseeable future.

Sheppard looks at Weir while she's considering. This is the longest that we have seen Sheppard ever look at Weir, and he's looking her in the eyes. The way he's looking at her, it's almost like a challenge. Like he can't quite believe what he's seeing.

The thing is, the wraith approaching is undeniably a military matter. Contacting SGC and the USAF to send them mission reports from the senior staff is definitely a military matter. They probably both know that they will have to reopen their previous discussion about the chain of command. This call should have been Sheppard's but, possibly out of respect for her and the fragile balance they have managed to strike, he lets her call it.

He takes on after her as the meeting ends wanting to discuss this in private rather than in front of everyone because one should never question the chain of command in front of the troops. It seems to be forming into a problem. But notice that he watches McKay leave, taking that one last look; you can also tell that McKay was the whole reason he was turned toward him in that as he leaves, Sheppard turns to face forward like you normally would around a table, with McKay no longer there, he has no reason to sit at an angle or rest his arm on his thigh so that it's not forming a barrier between them.

So, Sheppard corners Weir outside of the meeting room:

Sheppard: Elizabeth, you realise that if Stargate Command was able to send help… Weir: I know, they would have. But still, we have a responsibility to report what we've learned here, about Atlantis, about the Ancients… Sheppard: …the Wraith. Weir: Exactly. We have to warn Earth. Sheppard: Even if it's the last thing we do. Weir: Especially if it's the last thing we do.

It isn't that Sheppard is worried that McKay's plan is going to end up leaving them defenseless. We have seen the absolute trust he has in McKay's abilities and if McKay says he can get this thing to work, that's what he's going to do. His reluctance to contact Earth is not caution, is not a matter of security. There is something else that is making him uneasy about it.

Sheppard isn't sure what to think about this plan, about contacting SGC. He has been acting as the military commander of Atlantis for the past months because he had to take the life of his own commanding officer, and he believes that all the trouble they are in right now is his fault. Of course Earth deserves to know all these things, to have their mission reports, to have all the pertinent information that might at least assure that the wraith won't pose a threat to Earth. But he also thinks that sending all the information back to Earth will be the end of his command here.

What ever he has managed to build here, with these people, it has only ever been temporary arrangement, borrowed time. Of course his superiors on Earth would not want him to continue in this role. Not only did they consider him suspect to begin with, he has screwed up so royally while on this command that he will be lucky if he ever gets to face a court martial again. And this is just doing his duty, never mind what ever else the may have been doing that is against regulations while he has been far away from Earth and the watchful eyes of his superiors. He doesn't deserve to have good things so of course as soon as he had found a little bit of happiness, has finally found a home and something he considers a family, that he would have to lose it.

He left Earth not like most people on the expedition, not knowing whether he would ever be able to return, but actually wishing that he wouldn't. There was nothing there for him to return to. But this chance to contact Earth forces him to face all kinds of thoughts and emotions about himself and his life that he would really rather not think about. He knows McKay's idea is going to work. He knows it's a good idea. He knows that they have to do this. But he would still rather not have to contact Earth.

Notice how, when he approaches Weir to make his point, he is doing the exact same gesture McKay did earlier in the meeting. Same hand. We have never seen Sheppard do this before. And it's not like he's consciously adopting or picking up mannerisms from him. He's just so attuned to McKay's physical presence that his body does this of its own accord. This also creates an obstacle between them whereas back in the meeting room, he wouldn't even rest his hand on the table for not wanting to have it between himself and McKay. There is no damn way, no damn way, that they didn't do this on purpose. It's way too consistent.

Continued in Pt. 2

[dancingdonatello]

So this might be kinda specific but I was wondering if I could get a ride Donnie x reader where the reader is a newly mutated beetle mutant.

Donnie and reader are mutually crushing silently and reader is brought down to the lair reluctantly by April and when Donnie sees reader he tries his best not to freak out.

reader is upset because they hate the way they look but Donnie assures them they look perfect to him and eventually there is some sort of confession?

this is hella specific I apologize. Just an idea i wanted to get out there

donnie x gn mutated reader

“April…” You stared at yourself in the mirror. You reached up to touch your face but you flinched at the sight of your hands. “April.”

“Don’t panic!” She was frantically typing on her phone before she put it up to her ear. “Raph, we’re coming down to the lair right now! You better get Donnie out of his goddamn room so he can take care of this!”

There was a muffled response on the other side.

“I don’t know! They were just in the bathroom and screamed and I came in and now they’re a BUG!”

You still couldn’t believe it. You stared at yourself in the mirror but you couldn’t connect it to yourself. It didn’t matter that this… thing followed your every movement perfectly and even blinked when you did, it wasn’t you. It couldn’t be you.

Why did it have to be a beetle?

There had been a beetle crawling in your bathroom and you had picked it up to put it out the window. But then this even bigger bug came flying in right into your face. You had gone through the most excruciating pain of your life only to end up looking like some sci-fi monster.

“Okay, let’s go!” April took one of your now many arms, visibly shivering at the texture. “No offense, I’m just not... I’ll get over it soon, no worries.”

She led you down to the sewers, but your stomach was cramping up with nerves. What if they attacked you? What if they didn’t recognize you? What if they thought you were ugly and scary? What if Donnie… There was no way you had a chance with him now. Your heart sunk in your chest at the realization.

“Whoa!” Mikey’s voice made you look up from the ground. You and April had arrived. “You were being serious!”

“Why would I lie?” April shook her head. “Nevermind. Where is Donnie?”

“He locked his ‘new and improved’ lab door.” Raph’s voice sounded agitated. “Can’t get ahold of him.”

“You don’t look too bad, brighten up!” Leo said to you. “Donnie’ll figure something out. If not, who cares! You can join our cool mutant family club where we beat up other mutants.”

“I look ugly.” Leo paused, surprised and unsure of what to say.

“Well,” Mikey’s voice cracked, “it looks cool when your… um, skin? When your skin reflects different colors in the light!”

At least he was trying.

A beetle, your mind still couldn’t wrap around it. You could’ve been a tiger or anything. You still would’ve preferred to stay human but you were now a beetle. You would be stuck as a beetle for the rest of your life. You would never see your family again. You could never have a normal life again.

“What is going on?” Donnie’s lab door swooshed open. He had headphones around his neck and was looking at his phone. “April, why did you call me five times? Couldn’t you tell I was busy? What…what?” Then he saw you.

“This is why!” April shook her arms. “If you could’ve just picked up your phone—”

“Who is this?” Donnie’s eyes narrowed, judgmentally scanning your new body. Your form visibly crumbled.

“It’s me…” Donnie’s mouth hung open as he immediately recognized your voice.

“What?! It can’t be, you’re—you’re supposed to be human. That’s not possible! Did you see a large green bug anywhere? Did it bite you?” You shrank back.

“Donnie…” Raph slid over to his brother, bringing down a large and heavy hand onto his shoulder. “In situations such as these, we are supposed to act calm so they don’t freak out.”

“Right…” Donnie slipped out from under his brother’s hand. “Follow me.” He beckoned you over as he walked back into his lab. You followed after him, looking back at the others who each gave you an encouraging look.

You expected him to sit down and get to work, but instead, he handed you a cookie and a water bottle.

“Those were mine but I never ended up eating them.” Donnie nodded at you. “You’ll feel better if you eat. Eating food helps calm people because it tricks their minds. I won’t go into too much detail, it’s not too important right now.”

You then expected him to get to work. It was nice of him to offer food before he got started. But then he just stood there.

“…Aren’t you going to help me?” You asked, your voice wavering. He was so smart, there was no way he’d leave you stuck as a beetle.

“With what? Are you hurt? Do you need help adjusting to your new body?” Donnie’s eyes went to his computer. “I can probably look up beetle information to help you. Your DNA changed, so it’s not unlikely for you to start picking up traits of a beetle.”

“I mean, aren’t you gonna change me back? To a human?”

“Oh. That. There’s… nothing I can do.” Your expression crumbled. He looked a little guilty. “I’ve tried before to make a substance that could reverse the affects. I tried to make it for dad, not for us obviously, but I was always missing something. I could never get it right.”

“So, I’m going to look like this forever?” You shakily crossed a pair of arms over your chest, the second pair awkwardly hanging.

“Well, yes.” He quickly caught onto your tone. “Listen, you’re talking to a turtle mutant. You look fine to us. I can still see your human traits, even if it’s a little harder to see at first. You’re still the same. You don’t think I’m ugly, do you?”

“No… but you’re a turtle. Turtles are cute… beetles are…” You gestured to yourself and refused to look at him. “Six leggy and creepy.”

You saw his conflicted face in the corner of your vision. He was obviously debating something. “Look, I… ugh… You’re really forcing my hand here.” You looked up at him, confused. He turned his head to hide his face as his skin darkened slightly on his face. “I liked you before as a human and I still like you now. Your newly acquired beetle traits have changed nothing regarding my feelings for you. You still look perfect. If that isn’t enough evidence, I’m unsure of what could ever convince you.”

“You… like me? You still like me?” You perked up, your heart fluttering. “You liked me before? You like me now?”

“Don’t make me repeat it,” he mumbled, turning around fully so you couldn’t see him. You saw how his foot nervously tapped the floor. “It doesn’t matter what you look like. You’re still the same. It doesn’t change my… feelings.”

“You mean it?” He turned around and nodded tensely.

You couldn’t help yourself when you ran up to him and hugged him with your four arms.

“See?” He patted you on the back with a hand, the other wrapping around you to keep you close. He did not hesitate at all to touch you. Maybe it was to show you how he didn’t mind your new mutation. You didn’t really care, so you tightened your hold. “You give even better hugs now.”

[loopspoop]

Chapter 4 here we are! Fujiko is back and everyone’s trying (and failing) to cope! Lots of hurt and comfort in this one but they’re working hard to handle things!

TW: panic attack

Fujiko opened the door, frowning as she looked around. There was a blanket on the ground and the coffee table was moved across the room. Where the hell were the boys? Had they gone upstairs to use an actual bed? Hopefully so..Lupin wouldn’t recover well on just a couch. She walked inside, shutting and locking the door behind her as she looked around.

“Hello? Jigen? Goemon?” She called, walking to the stairs as she began to go up.

Zenigata peered over the railing, smiling as he relaxed a bit. “Fujiko, we’re up here.” He had worried it was an intruder.

“Zenigata-?” Fujiko hesitated. “When did you get here-?” She thought he wouldn’t be able to find them…

“Oh, uh…I’ve been here the whole time actually…you have the medication for Lupin, right?” Zenigata rubbed his nape sheepishly, glancing away.

Fujiko nodded a bit, climbing the stairs the rest of the way. The whole time? So, he was already here and they just didn’t know? That was a little creepy. Where had he been hiding at? And where were Jigen and Goemon? Had he arrested them? She wouldn’t be happy if he had arrested them.

“Where is everyone?” Fujiko looked past Zenigata, frowning.

“Ah..we had some trouble while you were gone. Jigen and Goemon are keeping an eye on him in the bedroom but we really do need to give him some medication.” Zenigata frowned, leading her to the bedroom.

“Trouble? What kind of trouble?” Fujiko frowned, looking into the bedroom quietly.

Lupin laid in the bed, still unconscious. Jigen sat on the ground beside the bed, smoking silently as he tapped his foot. That was an obvious sign he was anxious. She had picked that up early on, whenever he was on edge he fell into the tapping habit. Goemon sat at the foot of the bed, watching Lupin closely as he held onto Zantetsuken. She could see him rubbing the handle with his thumb, another anxious habit she had learned about from her years with them. Whatever had happened must’ve been bad…but Lupin was still breathing, that much she could see.

“Took you long enough.” Jigen mumbled, glancing at her from under his hat.

Fujiko frowned a bit, walking in as she unpacked the bottles. “You try seducing a pharmacist.” She grumbled angrily.

Jigen scoffed. “Took you less time to seduce Lupin every time you show up wanting a cut of our loot. You decided to take your sweet time while he’s here dying on us!”

“Nobody is dying.” Goemon looked at Jigen sternly, holding Zantetsuken tighter. He wouldn’t let Lupin die.

“Guys-“ Zenigata frowned, looking between them all anxiously. This wasn’t the time to fight.

“Oh, easy for you to say, Goemon. You took two weeks to get your ass to the lab to get him out!” Jigen glared at him, standing. “You took two weeks and Fujiko took two hours! And Lupin’s laying here suffering because of it!”

Fujiko narrowed her eyes. “You have no right, Jigen! I didn’t see you get out of that cell before Goemon showed up and I sure as hell didn’t see you busting your ass to get medication for Lupin!”

“Yeah because flaunting your tits is busting your ass!” Jigen rolled his eyes, glaring at them. “It’s like you two don’t even care what happens to him!”

“That is not true!” Goemon’s stood, glaring at Jigen as his hands shook. “Don’t talk to Fujiko that way!”

“This isn’t fair, Jigen! You aren’t blameless here!” Fujiko huffed, poking her finger into his chest angrily.

“Guys, hey-“ Zenigata frowned, trying to get in between them to stop the fighting.

“I am!” He wasn’t…god he wasn’t blameless but blaming them felt better than blaming himself. “It should’ve been one of you!” He growled angrily. “One of you should be in this bed! Not Lupin!”

“Jigen! Enough!” Zenigata got between all of them, glaring. “That’s enough.”

Goemon narrowed his eyes, turning as he stormed out. He couldn’t handle Jigen right now. He couldn’t handle thinking that everything he had said was true. He could’ve done more. He could’ve gotten there sooner or given Lupin better medical care. Instead, he waited two weeks and put Lupin through hell. It should be him in that bed. Lupin did not deserve this.

Fujiko glared, pushing the medications into Jigen’s arms roughly. “You fucking take care of it then, Jigen.” She growled. “And don’t come crawling to any of us when you manage to fuck it up.”

She turned, walking out and downstairs. She didn’t need Jigen to remind her of what had happened. She didn’t need him to remind her of any of the horrors Lupin must’ve faced in that lab and that it was her fault too for getting caught so easily. But Jigen wasn’t blameless either. It pissed her off that he thought he could get out of this blame free. If he thought he was so great then he could handle Lupin by himself!

Zenigata turned to Jigen, frowning. “What the hell was that?” He crossed his arms.

Jigen turned away from him, looking through the bottles quietly. “Forget about it, Pops.”

“No, I will not forget about it!” Zenigata grabbed his arm, turning him around so they faced each other. “I’ve never heard you talk to them like that. What the hell is the matter with you?”

“Leave it alone.” Jigen growled, looking away. He didn’t need this..

“No. I get this is stressful but you don’t get to blame everyone but yourself-“

“I do blame myself, damnit!” Jigen snapped, looking up at Zenigata angrily. “I blame myself for this shit! I sat in that cell for two fucking weeks and didn’t help him!”

Zenigata hesitated, letting Jigen go. He knew that, since Jigen had finally snapped, he had better just listen. He knew the man was usually pretty closed off. No doubt this had been building for a while..

“I got myself caught and Lupin was right down the hall for two damn weeks getting dissected and tortured! And I didn’t help him!” Jigen shouted, slamming the bottles down on the bedside table angrily.

“I couldn’t get out of that damn cell! And when we finally did I couldn’t kill the bastard! Goemon did! And Fujiko got the car and the medication! And Goemon- Goemon treated him!” Jigen clenched his fists, his voice cracking as he looked down at Lupin.

“And when he had his seizure..that was you, Pops. I’ve done nothing for him…what type of partner am I if I can’t do anything for him…?” Jigen pulled his hat down further, trying to hide the emotions that were getting the better of him. “..It should be me in that bed…not Lupin..”

Zenigata frowned, hesitating before he put a hand on Jigen’s shoulder. “You got him out of there. It might not have been all by yourself but you got him out of there. And you’ve been taking care of him the best you could. And I would say…I would say that Lupin would be pretty damn grateful if he was awake right now.”

Jigen bit his lip hard, tears beginning to trail down his face as he sunk onto his knees beside the bed. He had been so worked up…and he said pretty shitty stuff to Goemon and Fujiko when they were hurting too. He had really fucked up. What would Lupin think of him if he had been awake for that? Zenigata sat on the ground beside him, wrapping an arm around him quietly. He had dealt with a fair amount of this with his time on the force. Jigen just needed some time..

“…I love him.” Jigen mumbled softly, shaking his head. “I love all of them..and I fucked up…I fucked everything up.”

Zenigata hesitated, frowning as he thought quietly. “I don’t think you did.”

Jigen glanced at him before glancing down. “I’m sure accusing them of failing Lupin doesn’t win me any points..”

“Maybe not. But they’re in the same boat you are right now. They’re worried about him. And I’m sure if you went and apologized and let them have a moment to feel how stressed they are…it might work out.” Zenigata squeezed him, smiling a little.

Jigen thought quietly for a moment, laughing a little. “When did you get good at being sappy, old man?”

“Hey, I was married once!” Zenigata rolled his eyes, shoving him gently. “Communicating is important..even when things get hard. Now go sort things out. I’ll give Lupin his medication.”

Jigen wiped at his eyes, nodding as he stood. “Thanks.” He looked out at Zenigata from under his hat, smiling a little.

Zenigata nodded, standing as he smiled back and began to look the medication bottles over. He knew the gang weren’t all bad..they just made some bad choices sometimes. They were still human..it was part of what charmed him so much about them. Jigen walked downstairs, biting the inside of his cheek as he looked around. Fujiko was laying on the couch, watching the TV silently. Jigen took a breath, walking down stairs the rest of the way. He would have to settle things, even if they were so mad they wouldn’t talk to him.

“..Fujiko.” Jigen walked into her line of sight. “I’m sorry for what I said.”

“Are you actually sorry or did Zenigata just tear you a new one and make you come apologize?” Fujiko glared at him, sitting up. “You were such an asshole, I’m surprised he didn’t tell you to leave.”

“He probably should’ve.” He sighed, sitting beside her. “I’m actually sorry. I know we don’t always see eye to eye and I can be a bastard-“

“Can be? You are.” Fujiko huffed, glancing at him angrily.

“Fair.” Jigen laughed a little. “All of this just…put me over the edge and I took it out of you and Goe and I shouldn’t have. And I’m sorry. You didn’t take too long. Without you we would’ve been screwed. I’m sorry I said all of that to you.”

Fujiko bit her lip, glancing at him quietly for a moment. “…what happened while I was gone, Jigen?”

Jigen sighed, rubbing his face quietly as he looked over at the blanket on the ground. He could still see Lupin there, shaking, not breathing. The sound he had made when he stopped breathing..it was something he would never forget. He hadn’t been the only one to see it or the only one to deal with the fallout..Fujiko didn’t even know the worst of it.

“Jigen.” Fujiko took his hand, frowning. “Tell me what happened.”

“He had a seizure. Right here, he just..stopped breathing and..” Jigen sighed, playing with Fujiko’s fingers gently. “His fever from the infections got too high…and I thought…I thought he was dying..Pop’s was the only one who knew what to do about it..”

Fujiko eyes widened as she held onto Jigen a bit tighter. All that had happened while she was gone…? No wonder he had snapped at her for taking too long..she probably would’ve done the same thing after seeing something like that. She wouldn’t tolerate his behavior…but she could forgive it. He was sorry, that much was very clear. Obviously the events with Lupin had taken their toll on Jigen…and most likely Goemon too. It was all she could do to keep from imagining Lupin in pain like that. It made her feel sick…poor Lupin.

“I forgive you. But next time just..talk to someone? Don’t accuse us of not caring. We all care about Lupin.” Fujiko looked at him sternly.

Jigen nodded. “That’s fair. I’ll work on it.” He wouldn’t take it out on them again.

Fujiko smiled softly. “Good. Now I’m going to shower the two weeks of cell dirt out of my hair. Go make up with Goemon.” She pulled his beard lightly before she stood.

Jigen rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah..” hopefully it would go well with Goemon..

“And, Jigen?” Fujiko walked to the stairs, smiling softly.

“Hm?” Jigen turned toward her, raising an eyebrow.

“Lupin is oblivious at the best of times.” Fujiko winked, waving as she walked upstairs. “Just remember that.”

Jigen hesitated, blushing. What the hell-? Was he that obvious? Damnit…he would deal with that after he talked to Goemon. At least she wasn’t being a bitch about it... He shook his head, looking around as he rubbed his nape. Jigen checked the rest of the downstairs over, frowning when he found no trace of the samurai. He walked to the back door when he heard the sound of Zantetsuken cutting through something, opening it as he peered outside curiously.

Goemon held Zantetsuken tightly, striking at nearby trees angrily. How dare Jigen accuse him of not caring for Lupin?! He cared for him! Of course he cared for him! He paced angrily, hands shaking enough to make his slices crooked. His chest felt heavy. He had failed Lupin more than once but..this was continuous failure. Lupin could have died because he had taken too long…he had not treated him well enough. Goemon bit his lip, stabbing Zantetsuken into a tree as he leaned against it. He felt like he was drowning, his hands shaking as he panted. Maybe this was deserved…

“Goemon.” Jigen walked over, frowning as he watched. He was definitely worked up..

Goemon glanced at Jigen, body trembling as he gripped Zantetsuken’s handle tightly. Lupin could’ve died..and Jigen was right to tell him it was his fault because it was. Of course it was. Jigen and Fujiko couldn’t get out of that cell. It was all his fault for taking so long. He sank to the ground, vision blurring as he clenched his fists. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t do anything right!

“Shit-” Jigen frowned, carefully stepping closer. “Goemon.” He crouched beside him.

Goemon curled in on himself, gasping as he teared up. He cared for Lupin…he would’ve given his life to take Lupin’s place! Jigen was right..he had failed and continued to fail. Whatever this was, it was karma for letting this happen to Lupin..

“Goemon. Goe, breathe.” Jigen grabbed his hand carefully.

Goemon flinched away, his hands shaking harder as he looked at Jigen. His chest ached and it was hard to breathe. Tears streamed down his face, his hands gripping his hair roughly. Maybe he would die and fail again by making more work for everyone. It certainly felt like he was dying. Jigen frowned, carefully wrapping his arms around Goemon as he held him tightly. He could feel how tense he was..how much he was trying to breathe properly. He never meant to make the poor guy have a panic attack over Lupin’s condition..Goemon closed his eyes tightly, hyperventilating as he tried to breathe properly. Tears continued to stream down his face as he tried to relax into Jigen. It was his fault this had happened…he should’ve been better.. what Lupin must’ve thought of him had he been awake…he felt nothing but shame over his actions..

“Just breathe, Goe. Breathe with me. In and out. It’ll pass.” Jigen pressed a hand to Goemon’s chest gently, breathing with him.

Goemon bit his lip, shakily breathing with Jigen. He gripped Jigen’s arm anxiousky, the shaking his his hands dying down a bit after a minute. His chest still ached..but breathing came a bit easier as he focused on the pressure Jigen applied to his body and the sound of him breathing. Even thought he detested his and Lupin’s smoking habit, the cigarette smell was calming and familiar and helped ground him. This was so embarrassing..he was a samurai..he was supposed to be strong. This was not strong. He was being childish in front of Jigen of all people..

“That’s it.” Jigen nodded, squeezing him carefully. “Just take it easy. Everything’s okay.” He felt awful for causing this to happen…

“Jigen..” Goemon mumbled, resting his head back against his shoulder as he looked down. This was embarrassing..Nobody should’ve seen him like this…

“I’m right here, don’t worry. It’s just a panic attack, it’ll pass.” Jigen frowned, gently taking Goemon’s hand. “I shouldn’t have blamed you for anything, Goe. I took my stress out on you and Fujiko and I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry. You did everything you could’ve and I know Lupin would’ve appreciated the hell out of you if he was awake.”

Goemon closed his eyes tightly, more tears streaming down his face as he held onto his hand tightly. “I-I would’ve given my life for Lupin..I failed him…”

Jigen shook his head, holding his hand gently. “Lupin wouldn’t want that, Goe. You know he wouldn’t want that. You didn’t fail anybody. You did so much..do you think I would’ve thought of that thing with the sugar? Hell no. You took great care of him and you killed that bastard that did this to him. When he wakes up he’s going to be so grateful..I’m grateful for you too, Goe. We all are.”

Goemon hesitated before squeezing Jigen’s hand. “..I care for all of you…very much..” he mumbled softly.

Jigen blushed a bit, nodding softly. “We care for you too, Goe…” he glanced away, biting his lip. “Me especially..”

Goemon blushed a bit, glancing at him as he nodded little. “..thank you..for assisting me..”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ve had my fair share of panic attacks.” Jigen shrugged a bit. “You’ll probably feel like shit for a while, just a heads up. We can go inside and rest for a bit, that’ll help.”

Goemon bit the inside of his cheek. “What about Lupin?” He glanced back at him anxiously.

“Pop’s watching him. He’s gotten his medication too, so he’ll be alright.” Jigen nodded, helping him stand as he held onto his hand. “Since we’re all here we can rest and take shifts watching Lupin, okay?”

Goemon nodded a bit, pulling Zantetsuken out of the tree as he held onto Jigen’s hand. “..okay.”

Jigen nodded, walking back to the house with Goemon. He knew he was tired, he could see it in how he walked. He knew that was from all the stress and the panic attack. They’d just have to get a little TLC while Lupin recovered..once he woke up it would be a lot easier.. he squeezed Goemon’s hand, the samurai squeezing back as they made their way inside.

“We’ll get some water and then once Fujiko finishes taking her shower you can have one. That’ll help. For now we can just sit on the couch, okay?” Jigen helped him inside, sitting Goemon on the couch while he got him some water.

Goemon nodded, looking down at the floor quietly. They was definitely embarrassing..and he didn’t need to be babied by Jigen for having an outburst…though, it felt nice to be taken care of.. It was reassuring to know that Jigen had been in this situation as well..it made it feel less embarrassing. He just didn’t want to make anyone worry for two people when they had Lupin to worry about.. Jigen walked back in, handing him the water as he sat beside him. Goemon drank some, putting the water down nearby as he laid back against the couch. His eyes ached..his head ached..his body was tired..he hadn’t had a panic attack before..they were definitely something he would have to train against.

“Come here.” Jigen frowned, pulling Goemon up against his chest as he laid back.

“Hm?” Goemon opened an eye, looking up at him as he blushed a bit.

“I’m figuring you’re sore. Just take it easy.” Jigen gently ran his hands through Goemon’s hair, massaging his scalp carefully to help him relax.

Goemon blushed more, hesitating slightly before relaxing against Jigen slowly. It…felt nice. It was hard to let himself relax knowing Lupin wasn’t well off..but if Lupin had more people to watch over him…maybe it was okay? Jigen told him it was…he would trust him..he wanted nothing more than for things to be alright again..

Fujiko watched from the stairs, smiling softly as she dried her hair with a towel. She was glad they had sorted that out. They were cute together when they weren’t at each other’s throats..now they just needed Lupin to wake up and things would start to be okay again. She would go over the notebooks Goemon had brought back and they could figure out what to do for Lupin. They would put him back together and find ways to cope with this…she would make Jigen confess to him too. She wanted things to go back to some type of normal again.